#and when I started talking about the origins of Spiderman. how Stan lee first got the comic published etc

[macadam]

what was your first favorite transformers character when you were new to the franchise? are they your favorite still, or did your thoughts change?

Ratchet, followed closely by Optimus. And they are definitely still my favourites for sure. I'm happy ratchet is one of the more consistent and recurring characters in tf media because I <3 him and every characterization of him except you bayverse fuck you fuck you fuck you penis blast of which I did not know when I had only watched tfp because, well, I had no idea about any of the other media except the movies and g1.

[kitty-lunaz]

The loss of heroes

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             Definitions

 

PTSD-. (is a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event.

D.I.D- “a mental disorder characterized by the maintenance of at least two distinct and relatively enduring personality states.”

P.P.D- (depression suffered by a mother following childbirth, typically arising from the combination of hormonal changes, psychological adjustment to motherhood, and fatigue.) 

Depression-Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems

Schizophrenia- schizophrenia (a serious mental disorder in which people interpret reality abnormally. Schizophrenia may result in some combination of hallucinations, delusions, and extremely disordered thinking and behavior that impairs daily functioning, and can be disabling).  

Hallucinations- perception of objects with no reality usually arising from disorder of the nervous system

Conventions-A convention, in the sense of a meeting, is a gathering of individuals who meet at an arranged place and time in order to discuss or engage in some common interest. Valkyrior- Within the context of Marvel's shared universe, the Valkyrior is a group of female warriors led by Brunnhilde / Valkyrie that was originally designated by Odin to bring the souls of slain heroes to Valhalla.

God Khonshu- Khonsu (Ancient Egyptian: ḫnsw; also transliterated Chonsu, Khensu, Khons, Chons or Khonshu) is the Ancient Egyptian god of the Moon.

Inertia- a tendency to do nothing or to remain unchanged.

Iron man’s addiction- alcoholism

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Hero a person who saves others. What about the kids who don’t have their hero. What about the kids whose hero was iron man, captain America, Thor, hulk, people like that? Our heroes are gone and we don’t have hope anymore. People say it's all going to be ok, we’ll be ok but what about when we lost all hope. What about those of us whose heroes we remembered as the creations of stan lee. Imagine the silence that has echoed for almost two years and it is still here. It’s not going away. The yelling of the depressed scared kids comes across deafened ears. Our pain fills our ears, mouths, and brains its overriding everything we’ve got left.

Young people now barely past 23 still choke on the mornings of a certain September day. Seeing a corrupt country that still somewhat loved its country shattered to its bones. Broken-down voicemails of a man giving up his right to a family. People staring out windows as a pair of buildings seen as a CenterPoint of a nation crumbles to ash and death stung the air.

Kids shaking in fear as another child points a gun at them. Their last moments in a place that swore it would protect them. Their heads screaming a blissful cry of fear at finally not having to fear this moment again. Yet crying out for someone like their own ‘friendly neighborhood Spiderman’ to come and save them.

So many of us thinking maybe just maybe if ‘so and so heroes’ were real maybe things would be better. Maybe if they were, daddy/ mommy would’ve made it home because they could’ve stopped the fire, the crash, the shooting. Maybe if they were real we could go to conventions and have them give us another reason to smile.

Our generations need so many heroes, heroes like Valkyrie who shows strength in not only being a beautiful woman of color, a leader of the Valkyrior, and a woman who is on the LGBT spectrum. We need heroes some like Deadpool who talk people from jumping off buildings those who remind us we might not be great people but we can change and better ourselves. We need heroes like Moonlight, wonder woman, or Daredevil each of these three has different illnesses I will do a quick explanation of their illnesses, but we need heroes like this who remind us and tell us that it is ok. That even heroes aren’t perfect they are ‘human’ in so many cases.

Moonlight who is a male character who supposedly was given powers to him by an ancient Egyptian God Khonshu. He has been depicted as having D.I.D.  He has also been shown hallucinating to the point that in certain comics even the reader becomes confused: Did he ever even have powers in the first place? What is he truly experiencing? There is cases wherein extreme fear of situations he takes on other personalities for long periods. His most notable secondary persona is Jake Lockley. Some even theorizing he may have a form of schizophrenia.

  Wonder woman is a non-human who has a human appearance. She experiences a few mental illnesses although compared to some heroes they seem to lackluster and nonserious. Yet although hers are less than painful than some that does not mean they aren’t important just rather a different type. One said illness a very common one in heroes P.T.S.D. For her she had been living her life believing one thing only to find a large portion of the place the memories took place in being false. This and a mix of other things she has experienced sent her into a level of shock which sent her into a catatonic state. She would experience things such as hallucinations of a snake that came out of her arm and would talk to her. (Do not do what she did to help hers see a therapist for help if you can.) She ended up as much as some with an illness like P.T.S.D can she cured herself by doing a form of self-exploration. 

 

   Daredevil is a different character. His mental illness isn’t his only illness though. Matthew Murdock is a blind lawyer.  He is an extremely interesting character being born from a poor family. His mother started experiencing P.P.D. This led to her attacking matt as young age her husband jack stopped the attack in turn she left and joined a covenant in which later on would meet and connect back with matt. The more important part of that is rather that he could inherit depression. Later on, in his life this mattering on which version his dad who was a boxer would be killed for not throwing a fight. Either being a gymnast/Boxer as a child or be taught by the character stick. Either way, he would at some point lose his sight from trying to save a man from a chemical spill. This would aide in his fighting ability because of his enhanced senses. Yet as with many superheroes’ death plagued him like his own shadow. His two lovers both killed by a very common villain named kingpin. Depression would become an illness he is constantly fighting. A section a comic would show in a set of three panels of his fist seeming to push through a thick layer of a gelatin-like substance that didn’t want to bend. This representing the battle against depression the words accompanying this would hit home for many.  “Get up you have momentum now, don’t let the shadows pull you back in. Inertia is the enemy; do something, move. Move Matthew”

  This is not to say generations raging back long before D.C. was even an idea didn’t need heroes. Yet rather than their issues were different not to say they didn’t deserve them. Those times didn’t have them and then seemingly losing them.  Logically they probably did posters for survival and fighting spirit but they could see and hold the hope themselves without needing to hear things like this to believe they were safe…

  “I am iron man” and think that he will protect me even through a screen or comic book page.

  “I could do this all day” Imagining him using his shield to protect you from bullets physical and metaphorical.

  “With great power comes great responsibility” Knowing that he’ll catch you as you fall into your depressive episodes.

  “Odin’s beard!” Knowing that although he could be doing other things there were those with powers to hurt yet use them to help

  “Excelsior!” That no matter what there will be hope and there will be those willing to save you in the darkest times.

  Now “I am iron man” echoes in pained breaths. “I could do this all day” feels more like a mock of how hard our lives trying to break us down. “Odin’s beard!” Feels like lightning piercing the heart knowing it may never sing out its call again. “Excelsior!” Now there’s an emptiness it licks at the ears, eyes, brain, and heart and it feels like it will never refill.

The face of hope seems stripped away now as a series of movies and characters have finally waved a long-awaited farewell. Wolverine said goodbye as time has gone on the x-men series slowly seemed to lose its tact yet there was always a joy knowing there was a mix of different people keeping us all safe.

  Iron man gave his most graceful goodbye, and now his addiction seems more appealing so there’s still a connection. America placed his shield away and watched his sunset, now fighting so that way someone is protecting others seems kind. Thor laughed booming and it echoes trying to claw anything close enough to that joy one last time.

  Memories of our heroes will always be here leaving an aching in the lungs.

[loopy777]

If you were told to write a spiderman series, with the regular high school/college love triangle shenanigans involving the usual ladies of Peter's life, only with the twist that in the end Spiderman/Black Cat would be the actual couple of the series, how would you go about writing them? Also what do you think the good and bad things about a series focused the ship would be?

(Sorry for the delay. The most recent chapter of Traitor’s Face insisted that every single thing I wrote for it needed to be completely rewritten at one point or another.)

Huh, now this is a new idea. It reminds me of how the 90’s animated series started with Felicia Hardy, no Black Cattiness at all, as the main love interest. And for some reason she was a cheap knock-off of Gwen Stacy for something like four seasons. I can only guess that they came up with the character first, and then stuck a random name on her from the comics.

However, if they *did* start with the idea of using Felicia, I understand how they wound up having to add so much to the character. The first big problem with the concept is that she essentially doesn’t have any character besides being the Black Cat. So anything that tried to make her the winning Love Interest would either need to bring Felicia into Peter’s civilian life and flesh her out as something more than a costumed adventurer/criminal/hero, or make the focus of the stories on his life as Spider-Man. You know, maybe do something like the Ultimate Spider-Man cartoon and make him a pro-hero all the time.

The second big problem is the Black Cat’s weird status with her powers. If she doesn’t have any powers, she’s just a Catwoman knock-off. For a short while she had generic Cat powers, but that’s nothing that’s going to put her on the map. Her ‘true’ power, as far as I’m concerned, is her Bad Luck thing; it plays well on her full theme, it’s fairly unique, and it’s something that can be presented in a dynamic way, with her opponents continually encountering ridiculous bad luck as they try to impede her. But there’s no real origin for those powers, is there? She got them from Kingpin (in a story I haven’t read) and as far as I know the exact method by which he gave her those specific powers isn’t known; it’s incidental to plot point of her going to Kingpin in the first place. So a full, meaningful origin would have to be invented for those powers, too.

The final thing that needs to be created for the Black Cat is a reason to stick around long-term. She dips in and out of the comics because, when she isn’t romantically involved with Spidey, there’s really no reason for her to be in the story. She pursues her own goals, which can take her away from Spidey’s drama.

With all that in mind, here’s a possible scenario I came up with to answer the question.

Set during college years, Felicia and Peter are childhood friends, once being part of a Three Amigos thing with Flash Thompson before Flash became a bully. All three came from messed up histories, with Peter being the orphan raised by his aunt and uncle, Flash having an alcoholic father, and Felicia having something more complicated that we’ll get into. What Peter doesn’t know is that Flash turned against him because Flash fell in love with Felicia, but she had feelings for Peter. Peter never noticed because in high school he was a total nerd who didn’t feel lovable, and after that he was too distracted by Spider-stuff.

Anyway, Felicia’s backstory is that her family was super-poor until her father started working for the Kingpin as a spy, enforcer, and coordinator/boss of Kingpin’s thieves. Their family had to hide that Daddy was involved in organized crime. After Felicia got into college, though, things became more strained, as her father couldn’t deal with all the super-heroes who have been chipping away at Kingpin’s empire, especially that insufferable Spider-Man! But Kingpin has made a deal with an evil scientist (maybe Norman Osborn, maybe the Jackal, maybe even Doc Ock) who has developed a counter for Spider-Man: a 'Bad Luck’ power that’s actually an unconscious psionic defensive ability to alter the immediate future. It’s a direct counter to Spider-Man’s Spider-Sense, which is an unconscious precognitive defensive ability.

For reasons, this can only be given to one person. Perhaps having too many Bad Luck people around compounds the effect? Or maybe Kingpin fears the power’s subtle nature, and doesn’t want to pass it around too much. Perhaps a few other limited people are given the power, but they only come into the story on rare occasions, like when Felicia needs to deal with a Shadow Archetype.

So Felicia becomes the Black Cat, and becomes an apprentice to her father. She battles Spider-Man, but isn’t entirely committed to the idea. She’s a good person, and doesn’t like the Kingpin or the way his empire hurts people. But she’s loyal to her family, and if she doesn’t do something about Spider-Man, her dad will be killed. She’s also juggling her college like, because she wants to eventually get out of being a criminal.

This all gets complicated when Felicia’s Bad Luck ability sets into motion a sequence of events that end with her finding out that Peter is Spider-Man, with Spidey unaware.

So we settle into our storytelling engine, where Spidey encounters some crime or adventure. If it doesn’t involve the Kingpin, then Black Cat helps him out because she wants to protect her buddy Peter. If the Kingpin is involved, Spidey and Black Cat can find themselves on opposite sides; in those cases, Black Cat obviously is trying to hold back against Spidey, and because he can sense this, he holds back against her, too. He even becomes rather taken with her.

This frustrates Felicia to no end, for obvious reasons.

Throw in the complication that, in their civilian lives, Flash is dealing with his family history and trying to be a better person as he goes through college. He tries again with Felicia, who both feels bad for him and is frustrated that Peter is more interested in her alter-ego. And there’s the outgoing Mary Jane Watson who seems interested in Peter, and he in her.

A change in the dynamic can happen if Peter discovers Black Cat’s secret identity. Perhaps he doesn’t realize that she knows who he is, and she doesn’t know that he knows about her in turn, so hilarity ensues as they’re both unaware that they could end all these complications with a very simple conversation.

Another 'end of an era’ switch-up can happen if the Kingpin gets taken down, but not necessarily Felicia’s father with him. I like the idea of replacing Kingpin as the big bad with Norman Osborn, and Osborn discovering Peter’s identity can mess around things. Perhaps Felicia’s father even teams up with Osborn, dragging her into the conflict. The love triangle could be messed up by Harry Osborn getting involved and pursuing Felicia or the Black Cat- or both!

I’m thinking we also need to eventually do something for the Black Costume Saga, so that Flash has the opportunity to become Agent Venom and get involved in the super-heroics that his childhood friends are perpetrating. It would be interesting if Agent Venom is working for SHIELD or somesuch government agency, and both Spider-Man and Black Cat can be wanted felons by that point, so they’re both fighting Flash without realizing it. Bonus points if Flash’s superiors include a corrupt character who is running a criminal sideline.

I’m keeping to the spirit of this idea as a comic book, so I don’t have a definite endgame. Obviously, Peter and Felicia would have to become fully aware of each other’s identities and knowledge. Perhaps Flash’s death is what inspires them to finally try to commit to each other, or else the defeat of a major villain, which might wind up being Felicia’s father as their ultimate enemy. I don’t think I’d have them give up their superheroics afterward, but it probably depends on all the drama and trauma they’ve suffered through at that point. Since the speculative scenario is that I’m writing a real comic book with this storyline, I need to keep my options open for either getting canceled after twelves issues or going over a hundred.

The main appeal of this kind of series, I think, is that the female lead gets to be involved in both the civilian soap opera stuff and the superhero drama. It’s always hard to get the love interest involved with the superheroics, Lois Lane being the exception to prove the rule. In every other case, I loathe it when the Reporter job is used, because it feels so derivative of Lois.

The main weakness of this series, I’m thinking, is that excuses have to be generated to keep Spidey and Black Cat from just talking things through and teaming up. Their relationship needs to remain in a constant state of volatility, although sometimes at a low simmer, and that can become contrived.

Also, as shown by my plans here, the end-ship is going to be telegraphed from the start. I think it’s futile to try to make the Black Cat a dark horse in the romantic race like Mary Jane was, because MJ’s success was an accidental result of many contributing factors, including the transition from Stan Lee to Gerry Conway as the primary Spider-Man writer, and then the promotional mandate that had the newspaper comic strip’s marriage between Peter and MJ forced on the main comic line.

Also, I’m not one for real love triangles in fiction. Done right, it just seems like a good way to alienate at least half the audience at the end, while being done poorly is just going to make the ending obvious anyway. It’s fine to throw in spoilers every now and then, but any romance I write is going to end in a predictable way, and the audience is just there to enjoy the ride.

[imjustaweirdo93]

SPOILERS AHEAD PEOPLE, SO WATCH OUT  oh and it’s loong

As my first post here I want to talk about the awesomeness that is Avengers: Endgame, because I had couple of days to fully absorbe it and get out of the depression, so I need to write down my thoughts.

First of all … don’t really look much deep into it. Everyone is talking about loopholes and silly aspects of the film, but really…time travel isn’t real (well not yet) so there is no scientific proof of how it should work. Stop questioning it, just enjoy the movie and accept the explanation we got from Banner. For me it was really easy to understand.

Now, I want to really give the biggest credit to the rat, you know which rat. Without it Ant-man would be probably stuck in the quantum realm forever and there will be no one to think about time travel, so yaaay, hero was born (maybe give it a movie marvel?)

So one of the thing that I really liked about the movie and was probably the biggest surprise for me, was Thor. Yeah, didn’t see that one coming and oooh it was sooo good. Not that I enjoy depressed superheroes, but it was interesting change to the character, like….we know him as this unstoppable strong god who already lost so much, but still didn’t break and kept going and now…now he did break, he was a broken man and was going through it like we normal humans do. I don’t really get the hate, plus it was insanely hilarious.

Another thing I loved was Professor Hulk. Him, Rhodey, Ant-man and Thor were the funny core of this film and I didn’t expect that at all. It was interesting to see him as this peaceful, calm, funny being giving his previous struggle with Hulk. Who knew huh.

Ooooh and the best scene of course - Avengers Assemble. That was just pure orgasm guys. That was the reason we all watched all those movies right? To get moment like this and it was totally worth it. 

Let’s talk about endings….

NATASHA

For her I never really had some emotional bond, but in Endgame they finally give her some space to really show her true colors, to shine and when she died I was heartbroken. As soon as they reveal that she and Clint were going for the soul stone everyone must have known what will happen. Clint wanted his family back and she wanted to save everyone. It was her purpose and it kind of makes me happy in the end. Not the fact she died, but the reason behind all of it. Also the whole scene between them, who will die and who will live, was great. There was no romantic love between them but it felt more real and raw than some romance. I wasn’t hyped for the Black Widow movie, but after this I am.

CLINT

The reason why I like him is because he’s one of the few parental figures in marvel movies. Someone here wrote something about people not caring for Hawkeye’s family, which is not true, I cared. The first scene hit me hard and I was thinking to myself “they want to torment us from the start?!” and yeah, I already felt terrible. Also, people saying Clint should have been the one to die and not Natasha, because what he did in those 5 years?? They both did bad things, that’s life, but each of them had different purpose in life, so I’m glad there weren’t more children without father in the end.

STEVE ROGERS

I really never was a big fan of Cap. I respect him, he is THE MAN, great leader and role model, I also love Chris Evans, but other than that I always found him a little boring. That changed during the Infinity war (yeah, the beard helped) and in Endgame I just enjoyed every minute of him. Maybe it is because he is no longer some naive boy, we-have-to-do-it-right boy. He has grown a lot and been through a lot, he knows better now. Also he apparently swears now and that gives me life. Anyway, since Age of Ultron I just knew that one of the great trio will die eventually, but for some reason I never thought they will rid of Thor, which left Tony and Steve. I was really really sure they will kill Steve, because it just felt there is nothing for him in the future unlike Tony who wanted to start a family and till the end of the movie I really thought they will go with the reasonable choice, not the most heartbreaking. Boy was I wrong. A lot of people said they ruined Cap’s character, that he wouldn’t just go live with the love of his life into the past, that he wouldn’t just stop fighting. But that was all he had, he never had a chance with Peggy and as I see it? He wanted to honor Tony and Natasha and live a life that they couldn’t anymore…he wanted to rest too and that makes me happy. He deserves it. 

THOR

I bet a lot of people thought that in the end, he will be the great king he was supposed to be from the start, but like from the first Thor movie it was clear that it wasn’t what he wants anyway and I never really saw him as a king, so him going into the space with Guardians, trying to find his place in the universe is in my opinion great ending for our beloved God of Thunder. Maybe people think they ruined all his character developement, but just remember Thor at the start of this epic journey. He went from his worst to his best and then to his lowest and I really hope that means Thor will stick around for a little while longer as Chris Hemsworth expressed interest in playing Thor again in the future. Maybe he will join Guardians and that would be totally awesome, right??!!

TONY

Ugh….this one still hurts. Let me tell you this, I have a Top 5 favourite list of superheroes which are Spiderman, Daredevil, Batman, Guardians of the Galaxy (yes, I take them as one, because I just love all of those assholes to death!) AND Iron Man, so….yeah. When I was watching the movie I was so focused on the moment when they’ll kill off Captain America (mainly because I read some fake spoiler about him dying) that this shit hit me out of nowhere. Once I saw him holding all those stones I knew it’s over for him and from that moment I tried really hard not to sob for the rest of the movie. Ooh and when the dying scene came up I couldn’t look, it broke me. I was Thor-level broken. When we were leaving the theatre I remembered the moment between Tony and Strange, where he show him just one finger, one possibility and that broke me again, because in that moment Tony realized what he must do and why Stranger wanted Thanos to spare his life, so he can save all of them. He knew there was no other way than sacrificing himself. Geeez I thought I got over it, but I’m still too emotional. Anyway his end was epic, heroic, selfless and the last goodbye was beautiful. Thank you Tony, yes, you are Iron Man.

GUARDIANS

Gosh I was so happy they showed us Guardians at the end, ready for next adventure like the last five years didn’t happen. I think I like them more than Avengers. The biggest and maybe my only issue with this film was not bringing original Gamora to life. I was hoping the whole year thay they’ll find a way to bring her back and in a way they did, but still, it hurts me that the real Gamora, with all the memories and love for Peter is gone forever. At least Quill was searching for her in the end, so let’s hope it was foreshadowing of the Guardians of the galaxy 3, where they’ll find the past Gamora and make her part of the team once again (and fell in love with Peter again, because they’re like my all time favourite MCU couple).

Well, for me it was really amazing experience. I had no expectations, I just wanted to see anything they got for us and I wasn’t disappointed. There was everything. Fun, love, sadness, hope, happiness, action, drama and I’m really sad that I can’t see it for the first time one more time. So thank you Marvel, thank you Stan Lee and thank you Robert Downey Jr.

Love you all three thousand 

[xwubzxbubzx]

Summer of Stancest - AU or Canon Divergence

Thread

Stan has seen a red string extend from his wrist and wrap around his brother for as long as he can remember. Every year, they get more and more tangled in each other.

sfw. angst. 1.2k. Soulmate AU.

When Stan is four he makes an intricate pattern with the thread that links him and his twin. He gets his fingers stuck in it and it’s tight enough that it hurts, but it doesn’t matter because it hurts the same way a good hug does, crushing but full of love. He doesn’t mind. He tries showing it to Ma but she can’t see it, even though she’s a psychic and she can see more than everyone else – at least that’s what she says on the phone to all those people who call and call and call – but she does smile and say they were born like that: bright red and tangled into one another. Stan never thought to bring it up with Pops. He knows it wouldn’t end well.

It’s weird but Ford can’t see it either. That’s okay, they may be identical but they’re still different. Maybe it’s like Ford’s hands or smarts, only one of them’s got it so together they’re two of a kind. Together they’re Stan-Ford and Stan-Lee, tied halves of a whole.

When he is 14 in school they teach them about reproduction. He’s flushing to his ears and doesn’t dare let out a giggle but then the teacher starts talking about twins, specifically twins like them and he focuses – M-O-N-O-Z-Y-G-O-T-I-C – he makes a point to ask the spelling. Apparently, they used to be one single cell and then they split. He likes knowing that. He likes knowing he was a part of Ford.

The thread sort of extends out of his right wrist and it reminds him of Spiderman a little and that makes him feel cool although he doesn’t ever admit it because comic books are for nerds, even when they’re about half-insect superheroes. And if Ford finds his collection of Spiderman comics he will never let it go. He’ll probably try to make him read about the asshole elastic man in Fantastic 4, who is Ford’s favourite character but who Stan hates with fiery, burning passion.

Maybe the thread is like a vein and that’s kind of creepy and gross but it makes sense because they are woven from the same things, they share the same blood.  

He can’t help but it but he has always been fond of the colour red. His shirts are striped with red, his boxing gloves are red, his car is red, sunsets are red, his bruises are red, and Ford’s lips are red. His favourite shade is a deep, warm burgundy that is rich and soft like velvet. He loves it especially because of what it always reminds him of.

Stan likes it best when they hold hands. Ford’s hands are always smooth, warm and big, and his hold is tight and their fingers intertwine just right. Palm against palm, all tied up with string. He likes the Stan-o-War too because it is covered with red lines, crisscrossing its broken wooden edges and making it – them, him – whole.

When he’s thrown out he doesn’t feel whole anymore.

He’s been torn to pieces, shredded. He’s been worn ragged and threadbare. He is alone and he’s never felt like that before. When he drives into the night (in his red car and he’s wearing red socks but he doesn’t think about it) the string is drawn tense and taut, like someone is always tugging at his hand and he looks at it extending into the dark distance back home and fuck, does it hurt. Come here, come here, come back, it says. But Stan knows better. He does, he really does.

He drives for a very, very long time.

He tries to forget. He wears long sleeves. Sometimes, he wears knock-off watches and sometimes, more regularly than he would like, handcuffs. His wrists are never bare. At least, not for long.

The desert is burnt orange and ceaseless. He has stopped being Stanley Pines, ten states and many years ago. Everywhere he turns he is hated. Banned. He understands why Ford doesn’t want him back. He has always been a broken thing, he must stick to something whole and drain it of everything because he will die if he doesn’t. Parasite. Parasite. Leach.

He is always doing something, most of the time it is not good, but he does it because he must. He is hungry and tired and empty – no matter what he does he is always empty. In the trunk of Rico’s car he is biting his way through wires and metal. His gums are raw and there is dark red, red, red all over his face and hands. He doesn’t know how but the string is twisted around his throat and it’s choking him and he almost lets it but he feels it shift faintly, like someone is trying to loosen it so he can breathe. And he does. In and out. And he bites.

He survives, but just barely. And he lives, if this is what living is

When he sees the postcard the pull on his wrist is stronger, leading him from the sandy, wasteland heat to towering forests of snow. He sleeps intermittently but his dreams are plagued with half-forgotten images of things he doesn’t understand, triangles and painfully bright yellow. He’s never liked yellow, it reminds him too much of the sun. For comfort, he wears a thick, red jacket.

He’s lucky, in a way, that he was born knotted down because no one he meets knows where Gravity Falls is. He just follows the string across the winding, twisting roads to the middle of nowhere, to a cabin in the woods. He knows this is his destination because the thread is loose and lax for the first time in a decade, curling up on the floor as he knocks at the door. His right hand feels oddly slack and free, like he’s stopped straining against something.

The door opens and it is his brother, manic and holding aloft a fucking crossbow. It is a punch in the gut, he’s still not trusted and it gets worse and worse because he’s told to leave. He’s still not needed, not really. He’s useful in the same way a knife is useful, serves a purpose and makes the job easier. A means to an end but never a person. Where can he go? Across the ocean far away and even further than that.

He’s wanted to tear the thread: he’s taken lighters to it and tried to burn it, he’s held wicked, sharp scissors and tried to cut, he’s used his teeth when he was drunk and he didn’t have anything else. Nothing has ever worked. It never breaks nor does it even fray, but he thinks hearing those words just might do it.

He’s angry. It hurts. Blood is bubbling out of him, hot and wet fury, and he wants to scream. They fight and he’s not thinking straight and he pushes him and Oh, God no—

The portal is a white so vivid it is blue, and the string that leads into it is broken and red.

on AO3

(this wasn’t what i was originally going to do for SOS but my other fic got destroyed by my computer)

[theemichelleb]

Avengers: Endgame - Movie Review

I actually saw this movie opening weekend and decided to give everyone a chance to watch before publishing because I know just how important this film was for my generation and those Marvel fans before us. I definitely do not want to ruin anything for anyone so if you have not seen the movie yet DO NOT READ THIS and don’t watch the trailer for the new Spiderman Movie. It will truly ruin your day, LOL.

That was your warning….

Now, for those of you that are not HUGE Marvel fans, if you’re wondering… Yes, I did sit through the 3 hours and 2 minutes of awesomeness known as Avengers: Endgame. Would I do it again? ABSOLUTELY! The movie was awesome and everything I imagined it would be. It didn’t even feel like I was sitting there for 3 hours.

I think it was only right for the writers to end the story line with Tony Stark the same way they started this decade of awesomeness with him, and he deserved that spotlight. We have waited 10 years for the powerhouse that was Thanos to come and conquer or be conquered, I had no idea Infinity War and Endgame would play out they way they did, but I think it was genius. I love movies that don’t have the fairy tale happy ending and leave us with scars because that’s how real life is; it hurts, makes us cry, and makes us question how we’re going to move forward after this. I mean, I didn’t cry or anything, and I definitely can’t wait for whatever Marvel has next in our heroes respective story lines, but life isn’t perfect and I admire movies that show these worlds in a more realistic light.

Leaving out of Infinity War, I knew Gamora was gone… although they’ve found a way to bring her back to close out the Guardians franchise without a missing piece. I also knew Thanos had to die and our beloved heroes would need to be brought back to life… there was too much money and too many franchises riding on their main characters being brought back from the dead; especially T-Challa because the black community was going to have a riot if our beloved Black Panther was knocked out of the MCU after ONE self titled film of cinematic genius.

But here is where I have to acknowledge Stan Lee’s amazingness and how I almost dropped a tear to see he actually got to end the game with Endgame… truly iconic and he will be missed.

So! Avenger’s: Endgame… where to start? It’s definitely clear to say if you did not follow the entire franchise with all of the individual story lines that tie into the Avenger’s, you’re going to be lost at some parts during the movie. We took trips back to the first Guardians of the Galaxy, the first Avenger’s movie, Doctor Strange, Thor: The Dark World, Avenger’s: Infinity War, and I know I’m missing a few others but those were the big ones for me that were traveled back to. But honestly, just watch all of the movies to get the entire experience and learn who each character is, there are 22 movies included in the Avenger’s MCU, although I don’t really count the Incredible Hulk (2008)… Bruce Banner/The Hulk isn’t even portrayed by Mark Ruffalo in that movie and I personally don’t think it has anything to do with the series other than it’s an origin story for The Hulk; but, watch at your own discretion and choose if you agree on your own.

Now, don’t be confused. I completely 100% believe that the movies are corny and cheesy, some more than others, but that’s the beauty of taking your childhood comic book characters and making them real; just take a look at the Transformer’s dynasty… Optimus Prime is about as corny as it gets but we still love him on film! Let me not get off topic, though. My least favorite films from the Avenger’s universe are the first two Thor movies (although Ragnorak was absolutely amazing and saved Thor’s story line in my eyes), Iron Man 3 was okay I could have done without it, Spiderman: Homecoming, and Ant-Man… I know those last two may make some people unhappy, but you can definitely share your views in the comments below! I’d love a good conversation on this. My faves, however, consisted of Black Panther, all 3 of the Captain America Movies, Guardians of the Galaxy 1, Thor: Ragnorak, and all of the Avenger’s movies. All the rest were good for what was needed to move the story along, including those that I didn’t care for much.

Only thing I don’t care for are how the movies end with plot holes that are later “filled” in future movies, I think that’s Marvel’s attempt to cover their tracks, but those holes could be left purposely to leave space for flexibility in upcoming movies. There were a couple holes in the plot for Endgame that I’m just not convinced of, however.

If Thanos’ past self is killed, shouldn’t the affects of Infinity War be erased? If he’s dead before he can snap his fingers the first time, technically he never erased half of the universe’s population, which then means Endgame didn’t occur and we should be sent back 5 years prior as though nothing ever happened. I could believe that only those heroes that participated in fixing the timeline would remember what actually happened.

If Gamora died in Infinity War, but her past self was brought forward when Thanos came to the future in Endgame, technically Thanos could not have killed her to get the Death Stone in Infinity War, which also means he never erased half of the universe’s population. I guess they could spin this as since she’s still alive it doesn’t make a difference… still a plot hole to me.

Where did Loki go? He got hold of the tesseract when the team went back to 2012 to get it and the staff, but of course things did not go as planned and he disappeared. I just want to know when we are going to discuss how that throws off the time line, because if he disappears he technically never winds up in jail in Asgard.

I’m sure there’s some round about way to explain all of these, but I’m just letting it be known that it doesn’t completely make sense. Time travel is a complicated nonexistent thing to understand as is, so I won’t sit too much on what was off about it because there was so much more that was right about it.

I was talking to somebody about the movie and appreciated just how amazing the women were in this film, yet again, displaying just how D.O.P.E. we are in real life and the way we always come through in the clutch. Okoye, Shuri, Valkyrie, Wanda/Scarlet Witch, Captain Marvel, Pepper Potts, and our beloved Black Widow, may she rest in peace, kill the game in the movie and aren’t just side kicks. This goes back to my excitement about Black Panther… I don’t care what anybody says or who chooses to believe that movie wasn’t a big deal, it was a HUGE deal to me and the emphasis of D.O.P.E. black women was truly out of this world. They seriously carried that trend through the end of the Avenger’s story.

In particular, let’s highlight Black Widow and her sacrifice to save the world. There truly was no question about who would have to die between her and Hawkeye, unfortunately. They were quite the pair but he had something tangible to gain from saving the world, his family; she, on the other hand, was able to save all of her friends and give his family back to him by sacrificing herself. She had waited and obsessed over how to save the world for FIVE years and this was it; Hawkeye went through the world killing bad guys to remedy the curse that was Thanos. I think it was a beautiful second chance for him. He not only got his family back but his best friend gave her life so he could find his way again and become the hero she knew he was.

This is why I’m so hooked on how D.O.P.E. we are as women!

Captain America also got a loving ending to his story and I appreciate how the baton was passed to Sam Wilson, a glorious black man. Could this be foreshadowing to a branch off for Captain America movies?? I tell you one thing, these crazies in the world today better not start ANY NONSENSE about there being a black Captain America the way they did about Idris Elba being the black James Bond…. and that’s that on that.

For my dear Iron Man… Tony Stark you have truly achieved the level of acknowledgment and heroism that you chased after with your escape from captivity in 2009 and we appreciate you for your sacrifice and getting that 1 in 14,000,605 chance to beat Thanos right! Tony Stark’s path has taken many turns that I didn’t expect it to take following him through the years, but I’m glad he reached the goal he was fighting for in the movie primarily; to save his family. The procession shown at his funeral to close out the movie was so beautifully laid out the only thing that could have made it better was if Stan Lee had made a cameo. I think it was genius how the pan through all of the characters at the funeral was a parallel of the comic book opening for all of the Marvel movies. I think the best part about how Tony is honored is that Pepper was by his side in the fight against Thanos and he had daughter that I’m most certain is going to follow in his footsteps in both brains and courage. His legacy will definitely live on into new movies and through the characters that we got back.

There are truly so many other things that can be said about the movie. Overall, it was the best ending for this struggle to survive than I could have imagined. It truly made the last 10 years worth while, and I appreciate the growth of Marvel over the years in their execution of all of these movies. They sought out to tell an amazing story and ended up with an epic playing field that has provided a ridiculous amount of growth and development for the company. The casting has definitely been A-1, the plots are intriguing, the scripts have gotten more believable, and execution was always pretty on point but have gotten even more intense and engaging for the audience.

The movie is a must see. If you haven’t gotten into Superhero movies, it’s okay but if you want to give something new a chance now’s the time. You can watch the entire story be told from beginning to end and there are so many ways to find the order to watch all 22 movies so the story flows and you’re not lost.

Happy Binge Watching!

[ubereyezconfessions-blog]

2/6/19-2/7/19 Riders

Potentially a eye opener for a ride. With age and experience I’m becoming more aware of what sides of the city offer. From lifestyles, people, and outlooks. As some call this city a stirring pot, our lives are mixing at a scary rate. Or at least mine is.

My outlook with the work this week is to reach a certain amount of rides to hit some bonuses from the company. Nothing major to me, but this comes with having 30 rides for the first tier bonus, and 60 for the second. This night I covered about 17-18 trips. So i was thoroughly throughout the city.

Revenge Of The Nerds

My first ride that sticks out in mind is in Venice Beach. Judging the event and the occupants, this was a tech meeting or a start up of some sorts. Approaching the car upon arrival are 4 guys. I’ll call this the “Revenge of the Nerds”. One Russian, one Asian, one Middle Eastern, or perhaps two of them were. But mentally this was a very weird trip. A vast majority of the trip felt like a lot of coded conversations that I was picking up without much trying. And I can explain how this was confirmed. So heading toward the freeway, these guys were discussing being at a meeting with Google. They really felt the need to stress this or with stating this it would make me want to join in and ask about what they all were doing. But as usual I stick to my driving and focusing on the road. So there getting into some conversation where they keep talking about Speech 0″. Mental image keeps thinking of a reddit meme where it takes some Fallout scene shot. But I couldnt help but think they were speaking in the idea that I was talking. Along the ride, a song was on. And for this night I decided to hide the display of what song was playing and who was the artisit. More so, so peopl would catch the song and not all that extra info. The car becomes quiet at a certain point and these lyrics go off.

“I was trained to be a soldier for God But as soon as I used my own thoughts I kinda got lost in this smog called reality Where hell is a fallacy And Heaven is a fantasy created by man, so don't believe in it You came in here with nothing then your leaving with Nothing so retreat from this world of deceitfulness But my people it's time to rise Realize there's a heaven whether you think it's inside or in the sky Reach for it before it's gone eternally And you stuck here below the heavens for eternity“

And it breaks into a hook and the Russian in the passenger seat says “Encrypted data. Private companies use encrypted data to protect themselves but let people have it”, something along those lines. “Basically youll get the message but wont know who gave it”. Mentally that was kinda spot on.

Then off the freeway we were cruising down Venice blvd. and Im assuming with the streetlights shining in the vehicle. This allowed a view of my Black Panther keychain. Cause a conversation about Marvel ensued. The spoke upon Stan Lee creating Spiderman or being the main thing he created, amongst The Incredible Hulk. Then they brought up Into The Spiderverse, the recent film and mentally I was hit with the line “Wow, Youre like me”. If youve seen the movie, you’d understand. But with all that, just funny timing because we reach La Cienaga were there is a Captain America mural. Or maybe a coincidence from the universe. But this is were the ride finishes up and not much else is exchanged and the ride ends.

Deceptive Intentions

Now in Hollywood I pick up a rider. Originally this was just supposed to be him although he was standing with a woman. Which when they got in they explained that they both ordered separate rides but since I arrived first, they both got in and the male basically let it be known that he didnt mind paying for the ride. Once again, Im assuming its a couple already so Im completely tuning out the conversation and that when I learn the chick is a mind reader. Along the way Im just in my own world and I come across this thought that I might just be kinda set up to be a music artist and immediately at that thought the woman says “I love musicians, I just cant help it. Even if they are emotionally unstable”. And the male replies, “Probably because you are too”. She laughs and i suppose signalling she agrees. We reach her drop off and she gets out with a hug to him and a “goodnight” to me. At this point the Guy jumps back in after letting her out and this is where he changes to a new person. “SHE NEEDS TO BREAK UP WITH HER BOYFRIEND” “DID YOU SEE HOW HOT SHE WAS?”, He stated pretty hyped up. Which as I tell you, I try to distance myself from the riders. I didnt even see the woman to have a frame of reference. But kinda revealed what his intentions were with the lady. Were headed over to Santa Monica so after a forced conversation that didnt go anywhere the music just played. At a point it reached a song by a artist out of the city and he was speaking on a woman that had died but he was deeply in love with. And it was a powerful record, I cant even deny. But I heard a sniffle in the back seat. I had a notion that it may have even made the rider shed a tear. Kinda made me think Im rather desensitized to emotion growing up the way I have. But another ride done and on to the next.

Eye Opener

Now this is the trip I speak of that felt like an eye opener on revisiting the trip mentally. This was a trip immediately after the previous story. From the Westwood area heading to Venice. Prior to pulling up I noticed 3 suits walking down the road and one just broke away from 2 others. Not much of a goodbye just approached the road and that was my rider. He gets in a bit jive. Almost trying to show he’s hip to urban culture. Which is explained shortly. He’s a talkative type and starts with the usual small talk. “How long you been driving?” and blah blah blah. I explain my 3 years and the usual responses but he reaches a question of “Where in the city do you like to drive”. Which I explain that I just drive. You cant really plan out were youre driving when any given trip you can be sent 10-1000 miies all pending the request. Not remember how it came up but we got into a dialogue of where we were from. Which i explained South Central and he asked if im still there. And upon saying yes, he said “its what you know”. Then he explained he was from Ventura county about a hour away and his family is from the Northeast and the South, after I told him my family was from Virginia. Explained that that side of the family had some different views and brought many conversations that made him look at that side different. So this is where he explains to me that he doesnt like hanging out on the Santa Monica/Venice side of the city. Amongst the techie side of it all, its what he grew up with out in Ventura. Which something told me he meant those with conservative beliefs. And that he preferred Downtown and Echo Park area due to the mix of culture and artsy ways. Felt like a nod to tell me that this side isnt as for change as I’d may think. Or over that way, I can relax.

Alpha/Beta

In this night was a trip with 2 dudes. Asian I assume, but no heavy looks at them besides pick up. But I did notice they guy had a Rams hat on. On my driver profile it states “The New Orleans Saints were robbed #NeverForget”. (NFL 18-19 NFC Championship). Something triggered that he wanted me to bring that up in conversation, but me being me, that aint happen. So in this drive, its a obvious Alpha/Beta partnership between the riders. Which the Beta pretty much is subject to having all his power at a zero and listening to whatever the other says to do with their business venture. In this conversation they do a lot of name dropping and trying to sell something or a idea. Perhaps to get me to listen. But im a “tune out” type as I explain. As im ever brought back into their conversation by how loud they become. Im considered how does someone live like that. The Beta is pretty much powerless and has to listen to every idea the Alpha had. Whenever he suggested something, it was slashed and replaced with a idea from the Alpha and it seemed like a odd partnership. But to each his own. Just along with my non-talk, came towards the end of the ride when I had this feeling that they were going to get negative in their conversation being I didnt bite on whatever they were pitching. A comment of “Its nice to have a quiet ride and catch up on business”. Just felt weird but was said along with somethings that didnt feel right in spirit.

Janky Producers

Last but not least. I had a ride in mid-city. Picked up a White guy, dressed with the look of a producer. I know this simply because being a music artist, you can spot the look a million miles away. So he jumped in with headphones on, but greeted so I assumed he was gonna be in his world, as I was in mine. Totally fine. Now im playing true hip hop. Lyricist infused stuff. Something about it, I just had a feeling he was listening because of that. Anyways, he was headed to a recording studio in Hollywood, but went from a drop off to a pick up of 2 others. So amongst this short extended trip. They were speaking about what was happening at the studio. He kept talking bout working with Tory. Im assuming Tory Lanez or just name dropping to catch my attention. But they came talks of his manager that was at the studio and this is when they starting talking about that guys music skills. Mainly he was off key and that led to a lot of laughter. They ended up getting dropped off at some food spot which seemed to be a flock of musician industry folk getting grub. As a artist, id probably fit in, but my out look on life probably keeps me away. But found it rather bizarre that people can talk and gossip about people they were around through out a night. I know money is the reason. But why be around people you just look forward to laughing at after?