#you'd never make it in a sensation novel my friend

[fictionadventurer]

Hot Tip: If you're trying to secretly commit bigamy, don't do it when your wife is hidden in the house you currently live in.

Hot Tip: If you stop an innocent girl from committing bigamy, don't leave her living alone in the house with the guy who tried to trick her into bigamy.

Hot Tip: When you're trying to convince a girl to live as your mistress, don't tell her about how you grew to hate all the other mistresses you lived with.

Hot Tip: If you leave your home and place of employment with nowhere else to go, DON'T SPEND ALL YOUR MONEY ON BUS FARE!

[kitorin]

boyfriend headcanons ! itoshi rin

contents. how you met, how you got to know each other, when he realized he liked you, how you started dating, dates, all fluff

warning. rin backstory spoilers, i can't write kiss scenes either, written with all lowercase intended, it's word vomit bc school has screwed me up mentally and i can't think properly atp lmao

a/n. reo, rensuke and yoichi ver coming soon, was supposed to be all four of them but tumblr didn't save some stuff so i lost motivation and i probably wrote too much for rin anyways

how you met

you were invited to hang out with a group of friends, but ended up hating it since you were basically invisible, since everyone else were talking about a common interest you didn't have

you ended up walking away, finding somewhere actually interesting, and found a muji store (minimalist retailer that sells a lot of household items and more), and had your own fun, looking through stationary, skin care, nice clothes, and more.

you were having a great time until you heard someone from the hangout looking for you and calling

rin who notices your panic right next to him, questions what's wrong (not necessarily out of concern, honestly probably because he may have found it slightly irritating)

after you explain your situation briefly, he nods and finds you somewhere to hide, and goes to deal with your friend

he's got perfect control over his facial expressions, he'd easily lie and even if your friend was persistent, he'd still scare him away

"haven't seen them in here, they left a while ago and you better stop yelling,"

"are you sure-?"

"yes. now piss off and stop disturbing everyone here,"

once he's sure your friend's gone, he goes back to where he instructed you to hide, giving you the clear

"i hope that lukewarm asshole wasn't your ex."

you're slightly amused at the word 'lukewarm' it wasn't a typical description you'd hear often. "nope, i'd never date him. thank you so much though. i really appreciate it, please let me do a favor for you"

before he can object, you grab a sample pen, scrawling your number on his hand, "send me a text and i'll do my best to help you with anything okay?" you send him a smile as his eyes widen in shock, "bye kind stranger, have a great day," and before he could respond, you were gone, rushing out the store out of embarrassment for not being able to slip away from your friend uncaught.

how he got to know you

[unknown number] : i really don't need a favor you know?

i hated that idiot anyways, loud and annoying

[you] : don't careeee, i want to make it up to you somehow, please?

i'm y/n, you?

[unknown number] : rin, itoshi rin

after he gave in to your offer, you ended up tutoring him, he didn't care about grades but his high school had a rule of requiring a certain standard of grades to compete in tournaments

turns out he wasn't even a bad student, he's diligent and consistent, he only needed a little bit of guidance and advice, with math being the exception

in between sessions, during breaks and outside of your tuition you'd talk a lot, considering how rin has no friends ("neither do you, your toxic ass friends shouldn't count" he replies when you realize it) and you're patient enough to deal with his personality

even after he has his grades up you still hangout with each other, watching horror movies, playing horror games, reading horror novels / comics (you introduced him to junji ito), and he'd even teach you some soccer when you visit his training. he also tries out all your hobbies and favourite things to do and eat

you two spend so much time together, simply because one has no other friends and the other has no healthy friendships

how he knew he liked you

BRO WAS IN DENIAL. FOR. SO. FUCKING. LONG.

he thought he had a health problem or fever when he felt his face getting hot, or that odd sensation in his stomach, or his heart relentlessly pounding against his chest

he tries to research it, doesn't believe it when he sees all those love related posts, so he literally goes to a doctor

his doctor probably almost instantly realized, and had to deal with rin's denial

"you experience these 'symptoms' with a certain someone, don't you?" the doctor doesn't even bother with noting down anything, he's 100% sure and knows it's perfectly in character for rin to do something like this

"that's not possible- that doesn't make se-," he pauses, and recalls that he only felt that way when it came to you, "... yes," he's sort of bashful, slightly embarrassed but quickly composes himself again. 'i apologise for doubting you, please continue,"

"no worries," with a grin, his doctor prepared leave and meet his next patient, "i diagnose you with love sickness,"

when i tell you, this man fucking asked him what meds to take and what to do as self treatment

his poor doctor mentally face palmed himself, sat himself back down and had a (long) talk with this emotionally repressed boy

rin still insists it's something medically wrong, but he's soon shoo-ed out of the office, while hastily being told to make sure he's honest with his feelings, otherwise it never goes right

back at home, he's lying in bed, revising what his doctor said

"rin you need to learn how to acknowledge your emotions. i understand they're confusing and i'm not a therapist, but you can't keep denying it. it's just as unhealthy to neglect your emotions as it is to ignore an injury,"

...

denial huh?

he thinks of you and his heart once again can't calm down, his face burns and his stomach is doing somersaults. he buries his face in his palm, groaning. he hated anything unfamiliar, anything that he couldn't navigate with confidence, or fully comprehend.

"do you really despise it? or do you refuse to acknowledge your feelings because you've never experienced something like this,"

his doctor's advice comes back to him, and he thinks.

if he truly loathed how you made him feel, why is he still hanging out with you, why is he still investing his time into you, why do you make him so damn happy?

he passed out eventually completely lost in thought

how you ended up dating

some time passes and you finally have the courage to confess to him only to receive a cold "i don't feel the same way," a complete lie

accepting his emotions was one thing, accepting a relationship is another. he could immediately feel regret clawing at his stomach, he wanted to tell you. badly, how much he likes you, your patience, intelligence, your kindness, literally everything

yet nothing comes out. only his stoic and stupid facade's character

you walk away after mumbling out an apology for making things awkward, and rin's left there standing, finger nails digging crescents of frustration into his palm

he's overwhelmed with his thoughts, some insisting for him to give up and accept that he fucked up, others demanding him to move and fix things

what would be worse than losing you, anyways?

and that last thought was the final push, he's basically sprinting towards you, soon his arms are wrapped around you, releasing a gasp of surprise from you.

"ri-?"

"i lied," rin blurts, internally screaming at himself to just say it, "i lied, i know i shouldn't have and i'm sorry. but i like you too much, i can't express or understand my feelings, i don't know anything about relationships or love either, and i wanted to hide how i felt so i wouldn't get hurt,"

"rin-," he doesn't let you finish, ignoring your whisper.

"but i don't care, i like you so much that i'm willing to risk hurting myself, anything's worth it if i can be with you, spend time with you, and love you. if it's for you i'd overcome all my fears of love. i can't afford love, but if it's for you i don't care anymore,"

"you're perfect, you always have been," he concludes his speech, almost breathless from how rushed it was. scarlet was dusted all over his face, teal eyes wide open.

that fact rin, someone who's never been good at communication, went this far to express how he feels for you, warms your heart even more.

"rin?"

"yes?"

"may i kiss you?"

somehow, he blushes even more, and as he nods your lips press together.

dates + other headcanons

MOVIE NIGHTS !! not at cinemas though since he prefers the comfort and privacy of his room, and doesn't like how loud or dirty cinemas can get

doesn't want to force you into anything too scary, but he secretly enjoys it when you end up clinging onto him

since he struggles with articulating his emotions, he likes using playlists and songs to (die for you - weeknd, shinunoga iiwa - fujii kaze, love, maybe - melomance, sweet - cigarettes after sex, COME INSIDE OF MY HEART - IV SPADES SUITS HIM SO WELL)

he's not a fan of pda, yet he wants to show you off to everyone he knows

if you genuinely like soccer and have an interest in it (obviously doesn't want to force you to watch 90 minutes of a sport you don't like) he'd watch his favourite games with you, even books tickets for the both of you if there are any good teams competing nearby

also takes great interest in your sports !! reads a lot about them so he can discuss them with you, and if you also compete in sports he puts together a training routine for you and asks to go to the gym together (say yes dumbass)

SURFINGGGG !! since he grew up in kamakura, he loves the beach and went to swim and surf a lot as a kid and would love to do it again with you, even if he hasn't done it in ten years (same rin, same). same with hiking too (kamakura's also famous for it as well)

visits the store with you where he always bought ice blocks with sae, the same lady who worked there when sae and rin still got around is still there, congratulates him for getting a partner, is proud of him

he's a great listener too, he prefers it over speaking a lot and you can talk to him about anything, whether you're talking shit about someone (he'd join in and start swearing) and or you're hyperfixating on your interests

whenever he gets a question related to his love life he takes a moment to blush when he thinks of you, pauses to compose himself (keeps you a secret for your privacy from the media), then says with a straight face that soccer is a priority, but everyone knows he's lying

©kouyun : do not repost, plagiarize, change, or translate

[shark-myths]

🍓 🥤 🌿 for the ask game!!!! <333

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

one of my favorite k facts tbh. i invented fanfiction at jesus camp with my new friend eden. we clutched each other on a hillside while a god rock band performed below, puffy with mosquito bites and illicit ideas, and whispered to one another of the members of our mutual favorite band, what if they kissed each other? we were 13 years old. camp was so in-the-middle-of-nowhere you could see the whole milky way at night, the thickness of it. the grass got wetter and wetter the longer you sat in the dark, hiding from the flashlights of your counselors. every few breaths you'd see a shooting star, til you were numb to marvel, til that was just what the night sky looked like and you expected it everywhere. it was magic and no one had ever thought of it before, boys in bands kissing. when we went home to our separate cities, i started handwriting fic (decorated with gel pen! this was the year 2003) and mailing it to her in hot pink envelopes. imagine my surprise when i discovered the internet.

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

one of my favorite fics i ever read was a girl!one direction story about squirting. here it is: you change, water sea by got2ghost

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

love this question, as someone who has struggled in the workplace to maintain the same creative energy i had access to in school.

for creativity: read. read endlessly. try to understand on a granular, sentence-and-word-level, why you like the things you like; what makes a line funny, what makes a line scary, what draws you in to a writer's style vs pushes you out of it. what do the books you can't put down have in common? read things that challenge you--long-form novels, old novels, things way outside your preferred genres. and try to have lots of experiences in the time you aren't writing. try new things! paint something, walk down a block you've never been on, look in people's windows, cook a new meal, get coffee at a new place, go for a drive, listen to someone else's favorite record, listen to a record you hate actually, go to a new store and just look around, touch fabrics, dance, have conversations, travel for no reason, watch videos on youtube about new skills you don't intend to master. READ NONFICTION, especially essays. try to avoid doing the same things you're comfortable with or things that feel easy for a whole afternoon. bury yourself in sensation. chase pleasure. let yourself play.

for writer's block: write anyway--in a journal, in your fragmented notes file with ideas, edit or polish something that's already written, get one sentence out. i like to set a timer for 20 minutes and give it a proper try (this means staying off tumblr and my phone) and then, if it doesn't lead to anything, i'm off the hook guilt-free, because i made an effort. try writing in a different notebook, with a different pen, in a different place, even in a different font on your computer. set yourself challenges like, write a 100 word story. write a specific type of poem like a villanelle. respond to a prompt or create one for someone else. if there's a part of the story--or a different story--that feels more easeful to write and you're just trying to get there, skip to that part. to be quite honest, writing in a notebook away from technology is the #1 thing that helps me just keep moving. it breaks me out of distraction and perfectionism cycles. it feels good to fill pages, even if it's with words you don't even up using.

the other part is, accept that our brains won't do what they won't do. great writing is not created by use of force. the biggest thing i have learned about myself is that if i can't write, there's something wrong. maybe the characters in my story aren't making sense, maybe the plot is boring and readers will be just as bored as i am, maybe i need to go back and rewrite something to end up in a better place for the next scene, maybe i need a week off from a story because i'm burned out on it and i should write something else or nothing at all. but most often there's not something wrong with the story--there's something wrong with my life. i don't have the time or the energy; i'm giving too much of the best parts of myself to the wrong thing; i'm trying to write at the wrong time of day for my energy level; i checked my email first and now my concentration is entirely shot; i need to work fewer hours if i want to write more; i need more help around the house if i want to write more; i need to just let it be dirty for a while and skip my chores if i want to write more, etc. figuring out what you need to actually feel like writing--learn to feel that again!--and making it possible to set other things, even important things, aside in order to write when you feel it, is so huge for me. making a commitment to the practice of writing and not the product of it. if you're doing that, you can relax. take care of yourself and fix the imbalances in your life. the ideas will come. writing is organic and we are organisms. given space and time, things will always change from how they are right now. let yourself and your creative practice ebb and flow when it needs to instead of forcing it to be something it's not.

thank you for the ask darling sorry i ranted at you for twenty fucking minutes!!!

[clefable-time]

WIP WEDNESDAY

New rule for me: I can't post one of these if I haven't added to my doc lmao. Otherwise I'll run out of WIP!

You can read Duets for Ruined Monsters here:

There's only one other writer I follow here ATM so @atsadi-shenanigans and whoever else sees this can go ahead and post a WIP of you'd like :)

He can, from his current position, easily compensate her for her generosity for her discomfort – for her blood. All it will take is a simple trail of the fingers, down between parted, naked thighs – or perhaps up, over her breasts, their sensitivity enhanced by mere millimeters of fabric (they would fit rather nicely in his hands, to use her phrasing.) It would be so easy to disengage and take what he needs while she gets what she wants. The other shoe has to drop at some point; it may as well be now.

“Astarion?”

He’s hurtled from his thoughts immediately, flinching against her body. His hands are not where he left them; one drags dangerously at the hem of her shift. The other splays over her side, fingers trailing over her ribs. She's frozen beneath his touch, heart hammering. Shit. 

“I, er,” he starts. Words, practiced ones, pour into his mouth to the point where he feels the need to swallow. “I just–” he tries again. No, not those. “You–” No, not her, him. He grumbles and hides his face against her shoulder, cursing himself. “How else am I supposed to repay you for this?”

“Repay?” There’s a pause as she processes. Then a sigh – another damned sigh from her. He can’t take the sighing. “I don't need to be repaid–”

“–Of course you do,” he bites (or, he’d like to.) “I'm about to rip into your fucking throat.” He’s quick to note the way she flinches at his tone of voice – how her pulse quickens at the force with which his nails dig into her skin – and tries to steady himself. He takes a breath and tries to find even a shred of peace between his hunger and this… other thing that simmers beneath it. “This way, you'll get something out of it – I get to eat, and you get to pick up where we left off the other night. You scratch my back…” He makes a loose gesture with his hands. “...et cetera.”

“And sex is ‘scratching my back’ for you?” She’s quick to sink her claws into the misstep with his verbiage – damn her. “If you’re looking to keep score, I can list plenty of things you’ve done for me without repayment: you taught me how to use a dagger when I couldn't use my magic in the Underdark; you keep me – all of us, really – from walking headlong into traps; you can break your way into any lock that you can see; you cover my back in battle.” He can feel her swallow against him. “You keep me company; you're my friend.”

He feels a new, terrible, awful, giddy sensation in his stomach. He’s never had a friend before; he’s never had anything like this.

“And here I thought we were more than friends,” he hums, and he moves to drag his lips over her shoulder, sensing even the slightest movement of her body against his – savoring it. “And that we'd partake in all that entails.”

“Astarion,” she growls against him. “Can I not simply care for you?” She roughly turns in his arms to face him properly, brow drawn tight with frustration. “There is no transaction here.”

She brings a hand up to rest on his chest; her slender fingers splay over the timeworn weave of his shirt as she pushes him back into the wall of cushions. There's something refreshing to this, he muses – to the way she touches him (at least, compared to how he's accustomed to being touched.) It's completely alien, unsure, as though she's never once reached out to touch another person before; perhaps she simply doesn't remember what that's like. When her fingertips quest over him, searching for feedback, always prepared to leave his body at a moment’s notice, he's nearly alight with the idea that he's providing her with an equally novel experience.

“I assure you it’s not for lack of want.” Her ears dip when she looks up at him. “I just don’t want to conflate wants and needs when it comes to this.” Her face grows taut – pained. “You do not have to earn this – you deserve to fucking eat.” 

Her eyes are cold steel, a stake that pierces him straight through the chest without the mercy of death. Yet again he's at a loss for what to do – what to say. There is no honeyed line in his repertoire for this situation; what could he say, to someone who so readily shares with him what had been held from his reach for two hundred years? Used to control him? Torture him? 

Who is she to decide what he deserves?

What did he ever do to deserve her?

[ls-daydreams]

Find the Word

Tagged by the lovely @novel-emma and @linaket -- thanks so much!!

Since quoting from scripts isn’t very poetic, all excerpts are from Metanoia~

My words: kick, sofa/couch, cat, perfume, and gem from Emma and slip, soft, stare, and soothe from Lina.

Tagging: @artbyeloquent @lettersandinkstains @untethereddreams @decaymouth @jezifster As always, let me know if you'd rather I not tag you in games anymore!

New words: glass, need, secret, tender, coffee

kick

Kai couldn’t hear, distracted and jealous of the blush the sun kissed over Michael’s cheekbones and nose. He would fight that stupid ball of hellfire. He would reach into the sky and punch its lights out, douse it out with extinguisher foam, dunk it in water, karate-kick it to a different galaxy–

couch

Big, rough hands grope his hips and there’s heat scorching his back from the person he’s grinding against, someone tall enough they have to bend quite a way to bite down on Kai’s neck. The teeth pierce through, but he only feels the afterburn and the soft, hot lips smirking against his skin. Something pools through his body, weighing it down, and he has to tilt his head back against his dancing partner to keep himself up. He almost lets his eyes flutter shut when he’s drawn to the third couch from the left.

cat

Guided by the glow of an almost full moon, Mal makes for the front entrance, a door made of a light, yellowish wood and lacking a handle. You need a key to get in, but Mal doesn’t fret, dropping down from the deck and letting his feet take him to the side of the house, where he startles a gang of cats who eye him suspiciously.

perfume smell

It took less than a second for Mal’s senses to become hyper aware of the boy sitting next to him. His hand, big and ghostly pale, felt cold and soft to the touch. His breathing, although paced, was heavy and betrayed his struggle for composure. He smelled like strawberries. 

He felt like home.

gem ring

There was an eerie familiarity to it all – the rings, the stranger’s voice and banter, the way his hand felt in Mal’s – it felt true. It felt known. And it was intoxicating.

slip

Carmen pulls Mal’s hand under the running tap, then pats it dry and tightly winds a bandage around his finger with the grace of an elephant learning ballet. Around and around and around, leaving no trace of red visible – circulation be damned. She continues to criticize him with every layer – he’s never careful, he’s sloppy, he’s distracted – voice so jarring that any trace of memory Mal tries to grab immediately slips out of his grasp.

soft

It bothers Mal when his mouth, chasing scratchy, strawberry-tasting chapped lips, finds only smooth, bland strips instead and his hand, trying to pull on soft strands of hair, gets batted away instantly. The sensation would be wrong anyway, Daniels’ hair is too thin and too greasy, either from styling gel or sweat, and tugging wouldn’t give Mal the reaction he’s after. 

stare

On one hand, she was frustrated he could barely talk and refused to let him get there at his own pace, always pushing and insisting and blaming him for “refusing to work enough” to get better. On the other, she seemed almost excited to see him like that, relating his struggles to all her friends and anguishing about how hard it is to see her child suffering so much. It made him feel like a trauma exhibition, a little mannequin in a window display people could stop and stare at to make themselves feel better.

soothe

Mal shuddered as he felt the stranger’s fingers shyly tap his lower leg. One tiny rap, then they stilled, Mal’s own fidgeting foot soothed and settled.

[quintessentialclara]

Some thoughts on crushes

More strange ramblings to be posted here instead of bothering my friend with random epiphanies in the middle of the night.

Crushes are, as the word might suggest, crushing. The following paragraphs will most likely out me as someone on the spectrum again, but then again, I do not see the harm in wording out some thoughts and posting them somewhere where most likely no one will see it anyway. I'll leave it for the PHDs to diagnose me, for now, I'm just figuring out some things for myself.

I have never had a serious relationship in my life. I'm not sure why that is, most likely a very unfortunate combination of being transgender, presenting very androgynous, and possibly having undiagnosed autism. Another factor to be considered is also the years of my life before I came out, or even found out I was trans, as in those years I was pretty much insufferable and I don't blame anyone for not wanting to date me.

Closest thing I've had to a relationship is this one girl whom I briefly had a thing with in 2022, I suppose you'd call our arrangement a situationship, in modern terms. We kissed, went on a date, we were intimate, it was fun. She vehemently claimed at the time that she carried no desire at all to have a serious relationship ever in her life, a real gut punch when we briefly stopped contact and she re-entered my life months later with her cis girlfriend. Ouch.

Nevertheless, I cherish that time with her. Sex is fun but I think what I found most enjoyable was just the basic physical intimacy, the cuddling and falling asleep, sharing clothing, and getting to know her. It was, until this day, the best sleep I've ever had. I dearly miss that aspect of it. I very much miss her also.

At one point in our shared time she told me something I'll hopefully never forget:

"You have so much love to give."

Suppose it's a rather odd thing to say to the person you're not willing to date, nevertheless it stuck with me. I think in hindsight most of my romantic adventures (as I like to call them) have been very much a torturous struggle, dealing with what I can only describe as my romantic insanity. I don't simply have crushes like normal people, though I do know that sensation of finding someone objectively attractive and appealing, I don't really put it into that same category of strong feelings. I tackle it matter-of-factly, as in "this person is attractive in my book, but due to a lack of a spark I will not pursue anything."

And then there's real crushes. I don't mean to be self-deprecating here, I mean it more so very plainly when I say, once I have started to fancy a person, I go absolutely insane. I turn into an unrealistic caricature of what a person in love acts like, as if copied from the pages of a 19th century German romance novel.

And while, I have made some progress on how to act on such occasions - I still don't really know what to do about it.

It's a darn nightmare, having your thoughts be stuck with a person all the time, overthinking all of your choices and every single word you've spoken to them. Makes you barely functional. And so I've been left with two options every time:

1) Admit feelings, which mostly doesn't change the fancying part at all, it only makes me miserable because it's always polite rejection (mostly coming off as pretty patronizing, if I'm being honest.)

2) Aggressively attempt to overcome the crush somehow. This, shockingly, also doesn't work, as it always leads to guilt-ridden nights, many tears, and constant rebounds.

So what is one, such as myself, to do when experiencing a crush?

Presenting itself as the whole entire reason as to why I'm writing this post, I believe I have found the answer:

Don't fight it.

Duh, says the audience, which was apparently gifted this knowledge somewhere in life already. Congrats, if that is the case. I for myself have had to figure this out via hard-earned experiences, the simple fact that letting these feelings reign freely being the best possible way of dealing with it.

But won't that make it difficult?

What if you want to ask them out, or want a relationship with them?

Well, to that I say - who cares?

Is that all love is? Just a goal to work towards? Something to gain, to prove, to earn the right to? Am I only allowed to love someone when I get a reward? Call myself a winner?

To that extent I think of my recent crush that lasted mostly throughout summer and autumn.

God, was this person fun to be around. Always made you feel at ease when you talked to her. Shared some very personal stuff with me back then, beside the fact that many of the epiphanies I had last year came to me thanks to her.

She and I never dated, never kissed, never did anything considered relationship-y. We don't even speak to each other anymore, not because of a falling out, it just happened that way. And yet I still cherish her to the fullest. She was truly a shining beacon of positive energy in my life, an excuse to be as kitschy and cutesy and stupid as I possibly could've been. I'll never forget the tears I had when I said goodbye to her that night.

I think that's what love is. A part of me thinks I wasted my time, never got anything out of it - heck, she never even admitted to liking me back. I keep forgetting in those moments that it genuinely does not matter how she feels about me.

I liked her. I felt happy in her presence, happy when I talked about her, anxious when we didn't talk, relieved when she sought my attention.

I'm unsure whether or not I'll ever experience "true love", or if I'll ever be in a serious relationship.

But I've come to accept now that I love having crushes. I love obsessing over someone for no particular reason other than them existing positively in my vicinity. What a goddamn gift from the universe it is that I can fall in love over nothing, cherish someone for the simplest, most inconsequential reasons. A smile, an expression, a shared inside joke.

What a gift it is to be alive and for loving to come to me as easily as breathing.

And yes, all things pass, people lose each other, live different lives. So far I have not "gotten" anything out of it.

But, as someone very important once said: I have so much love to give. I will sure as hell continue to give it to those that deserve it, for it will not ever run out. Love isn't finite.

It doesn't matter that you lost them. What matters is that you loved them.

[second-wolf]

Sooo, I was gonna make this blog about the book I’m writing, and then I just… didn’t.

Anyways, here is information on the book I’m writing!

Side note: This book is in it's early stages of development so take a decent number of names, character description, and places with a grain of salt, as they may be subject to change. I will try to update them as the book develops.

Themes!

The main theme of my as of yet unnamed book is all about how we can process the world around us, especially when issues arise. A lot of the themes are somewhat personal, as I first conceived the main idea of this book during a fairly tumultuous time in my life.

The main idea is that there is no one way to work through issues. Even if one idea may work the best, one tool in your tool belt can only take you so far. A hammer won’t screw something together like a drill.

It also has a few minor themes of dealing with chronic issues or disabilities, but since this is a fantasy novel, of course the disabilities are kind of superpowers. They do have their moments where it’s anything but though.

Magic System!

The magic system is fairly simple in all regards. In the broad strokes we have:

Molders- Basically alchemy. They can change the shape or material of anything they touch so long as they are aware of what the material is made of. The higher their understanding of what they are molding, the easier it is for them to mold it. One drawback though is organic material is usually fairly hard to shape, mostly things like food or anything capable of sustaining life, mostly because its fairly complex chemically.

Adapters- Kind of similar to Molders. They can change the shape of stuff, but only metals, and it has to be absorbed into their body first. How easily they can essentially shapeshift using the metals depends on the metal's softness, like gold is one of the easier ones to use because its fairly soft, whereas tungsten is one of the harder ones.

Enforcers- They can boost their strength, speed or durability by up to a total of 100%, with that 100% being equal to around 10x what their current body strength can be able to handle. The only drawback is that they have to be mindful of how quickly they boost their 'stats' and how they divvy up that 100%, like if your strength is suddenly 10x more powerful than normal, you might break your leg by taking a step, so maybe balance it out with a durability boost too, because although you'd be weaker, you'd be tougher.

Illusionist- maybe the most broken of the four abilities, idk. They are able to create any sort of hallucinations they want, so long as they can clearly imagine it. Depending on the skill level it could range from crappy visual hallucinations to a full on sensory nightmare, affecting all five senses. Granted, the more complicated the illusion the greater the mental toll it take on the user, which can lead to things like headaches or even brain bleeds if one pushes themselves too far. Also, when it comes to making illusory sensations, its hard to make sensations that one has not directly experienced.

Characters!

Eli/Elijah- the main character

He’s around 16 or 17, and grew up in not quite a negligent home, but it wasn’t very loving either. His mom was mostly working as a kid and his dad was always too tired to do much. He also never had much luck with friends either, as they always found him odd or annoying given that he almost was always reading rather than playing or hanging out with everyone else.

Tobi- my favorite

Tobi is trauma incarnate. He grew up in an underground lab and was the product of human experimentation, which in this case was more of a “mess around to keep our funding but it actually worked” kinda way. Tobi is blind, because he has no eyes. He still can see, kind of. He’s more able to ‘sense’ than see, and more of the different materials that are around him than anything like color or light. He also has a nigh crippling fear of crowds and major trust issues, mostly from growing up in an underground lab. He also has horns, because this is my book and I can do whatever fantasy bs I want. Oh also he’s like 12 or 13.

Sylvana- the sassy lady

Sylvana is a noble, kinda, from the wealthiest nation. The reason it’s kinda is that the society is a strict meritocracy, where someone’s skill in adapting (one of the magic macguffin powers) determines one’s status in society. She’s the mc’s love interest too. She’s around the same age as Eli. She has a very sharp tongue and is extremely skilled, given her father is one of the most powerful people in their country. I haven’t quite fleshed out her character more than this, as this book is still in fairly early stages.

Ollie/Oliver- big buff boi

Oliver is Australian. But like. Caricature Australian. He’s really buff and strong but also very wholesome and optimistic, sometimes borderline toxic optimism. He’s kind of the reigning champion fighter of his country, but only in his age group, which is everyone under 20 (he’s 19). His mother was the one who trained him to fight, and also schools the others in fighting.

Artun- The old cranky lady

She doesn't really show up till more towards the end, but she basically acts as the mom of the group for the final stretch. To her, the entire group are a bunch of children who have seen way too much, even just that they got to her door, as she lives in a very remote place. She is about to throw hands with everyone who traumatized her kids.

King Greed the Avaricious- the antagonist

He is literally greed personified. His kingdom has been in shambles for hundreds of years and he wants everything. Not even for the good of his people, he just wants what everyone else has to the point they get as poor as he *thinks* he is (he actually is rather rich, but not to him).

Setting!

The world the main story takes place in is called Kordra, an unusual landmass, as it looks very similar to a compass. It has four main countries.

Aur- A golden country with massive amounts of wealth and influence, as it provides food to most other countries, but is a heavy meritocracy based on one's Adapter abilities, even to the point of a noble title not being handed down simply because one isn't skilled enough.

Ruin- Capitalism if it was mixed with the storyline of Fallout with a hint of the Lorax. It was the most prosperous nation for a long time, with it's Molders able to make piles of dirt into pure gold, however this made the leaders of Ruin very greedy and shortsighted, and they ended up using up all of their natural resources and nearly starving their people as they couldn't just transmute food into existence. As such the old kingdom fell till not even it's name remained, hence it now being called Ruin, with only the capital of Matus still standing.

Enta- Basically Australia. Its a mostly desert climate where everything is deadly and you're either crazy or a criminal to live there. It's very survival of the fittest, but not in the way Aur is.

The Hallowed Hollow- Not many know much about it. The people there used their illusory powers to keep up a massive misty illusion that confuses anyone who walks into the forest, to the point they either luck into the exit or starve trying to find it. The people there are very unsure of the outside world, as several decades before the story, an extermination was carried out against them by Ruin, thinking that they may have been hiding some sort of treasures inside.

Here's a map for the visual learners:

Plot!

Finally, the fun part.

The plot of this as-of-yet-unnamed-book is fairly simple in terms of basic structure. Eli goes into the otherworld, meets friends, gets traumatized, gets healing, happy ending.

I don't want to spoil a lot of the story, as I am trying to make it into an actual book, however I will divulge a bit.

Eli starts in Matus, having freshly fallen from the sky, somehow, still working on that, and gets shipped to that lab that Tobi is held at, and they spend many months there before breaking out, basically brothers at this point. Then they go to Aur, then Enta, then HH, and then kick the kings ass somehow. This book is very in it's early stages and so I only wanna give out the barebones, so a lot of it is still a TBD.

I hope you stick around to see the progress, as I'll probably be asking for feedback to see where things can be changed. I do welcome feedback on any of this, but just please be respectful, as this is also a very personal story for me. Thank you!!

[singularattitudeofasafetypin]

If you wanted me, you really should've showed

Masterlist

Summary: Eddie is head over heels for Reader but there’s one slight problem. Her boyfriend, Adam. Despite this, Eddie tries to settle for being a good friend instead but when Adam gets possessive, Reader has to figure out what she really wants out of a relationship.

Word Count: 7k

Warnings: Bullying, insecurity, controlling mildly threatening boyfriend.

A/N - Inspired by this scene from the Princess Diaries II, and a song my dad listens to that I don’t know the name of. I had fun with this one, I hope you enjoy it!

Please don’t steal my work

It was no secret. Eddie Munson was in love with you!

He wasn't shy about showing it either. Many a weekly rant on social conformity was interrupted to proclaim you the prettiest, cleverest girl in Hawkins, always accompanied by a deep bow and a dazzling smile. He held every door for you with that same love-sick smile plastered across his face. Handwritten notes and slightly crumpled flowers were a common occurrence but never failed to bring a rosy blush to your cheeks. Head over heels was an understatement.

There was just one small problem.

'Hey- I uh… I was thinking… maybe we could go out tonight?' Having run the length of the hall to catch up with you, Eddie struggled to keep his breathing steady. At least he told himself that was why. His arms were folded to keep his hands from shaking. He’d been psyching himself up for this all week! 'There's this new milkshake place opened at mall and then I thought we could watch a movie together or something. Kind of like a date? But it doesn't have to be if you don't want!' He garbled the rest, cheeks bright red and his voice quavering slightly.

Your face fell, heart aching with the answer you had to give him. 'Oh Eddie,' the least you could do was make it easy for him, 'I'm so sorry, but I-'

'Hey babe!'

An arm slung around your shoulders and your boyfriend pulled you in for a kiss. He shot a dirty look at Eddie when you broke. 'I was coming Adam,’ you reassured. 'I was just...' you looked back at Eddie with apology written in your expression.

His eyes flicked between you, taking in the green jacket emblazoned with a tiger Adam wore. It didn’t take long to put two and two together. 'You know what? Don't worry about it!' he tried to smile but it didn’t reach his eyes and he stumbled over his words. 'I'll see you round!' And with that, he spun on his heel and walked quickly away.

'Was that freak bothering you?' Adam demanded. He didn’t care that Eddie was still within earshot.

'Don’t call him that!' you frowned, an awkward sensation twisting in your tummy. 'We were just talking!'

Adam shrugged, ignoring your reproach and steering you in the opposite direction. He chattered on about the next big game and the huge afterparty that was planned. You nodded and agreed at intervals but his words washed over you.

You couldn’t stop thinking about the heartbroken look Eddie had been unable to hide.

*

You didn’t stop thinking about it all weekend!

He'd looked so crushed. There wasn’t anything else you could have said but still, you'd have liked to let him down a little more gently.

Walking into school on Monday, you were greeted by cheerleaders coming out of practice, a novel experience for you. Since Adam had asked you out, the cheerleaders had started paying you more attention than you liked. They were friendly, you supposed, but it didn’t feel genuine. Before Adam noticed you, you were a nobody. You belonged to no particular group and didn’t have many friends. Now all of a sudden, they cared? They treated you more like a pet. The poor, ill-fated girl lucky enough to be made holy by the hands of the basketball team. Still, you couldn’t help but feel obliged to them.

You made your way to your locker as they trailed behind, gossiping amongst themselves. You fiddled with the combination and felt a pang of disappointment. There would be no note from Eddie this morning. Until they were gone, you hadn’t realised how much you relied on them. Perhaps it was selfish but those few scribbled words of encouragement had always brightened an otherwise cloudy day.

It was to your surprise then, as you opened it, a carefully folded piece of paper tumbled out and fluttered to the floor. You recognised the familiar spiky scrawl instantly. Eddie's handwriting traumatised his teachers but you could read it like a second language.

Unbeknownst to you, Eddie watched from across the hall. He smiled to himself as your lips curved softly upwards. Of course, you had a boyfriend! He'd been stupid to think you wouldn’t! At least he knew he hadn’t screwed things up between you by being foolish.

'The world is lucky to have someone as tender hearted as you!'

You folded the note carefully, moving to tuck into your bag when a sharp, shrill voice startled you.

'That freak isn’t still harassing you, is he?'

Jessica Vaughn, captain of the cheer squad and self-proclaimed Queen of Hawkins High sported a look of pure disgust, 'Doesn’t he know you have a boyfriend?'

Your skin crawled at the cruel insult uttered so casually. 'He knows,' you mumbled, ducking your head and clenching the note protectively in your fist.

'Oh honey!' a fit of giggled ensued, 'He must think he can win you over or something!'

A few of her friends joined in, their voices dripping with faux sympathy and disgust interchangeably.

'Oh, you poor thing!'

'As if you'd ever choose him over a member of the basketball team!'

'You shouldn’t lead him on,' one advised, 'He might get the wrong idea!'

'Yes, you shouldn’t let him think he's got a chance!' Jessica giggled at the thought as the bell rung. Nobody saw you wince at their words.

You made your way to homeroom in silence, letting the crowd pull you along while you tried to make sense of your predicament. Sure, you weren’t about to dump Adam, but for all their cruelty and arrogance, they were right about one thing. You shouldn’t lead him on.

It wasn’t fair.

You made up your mind to talk to him in English. The two of you sat next to each other in the back, but how to say it consumed your thoughts all day.

'Hey, Eddie?' you whispered, keeping an eye on Mr Boushebel so as not to get caught. Eddie looked over the moment he heard your voice, his adoring smile unknowingly twisting the knot in your stomach tighter.

'Yeah?'

'I want to say thanks... for the note this morning! Thank you for all of them really...'

'You're welcome!' he beamed like nothing had changed.

You sighed and grimaced. Why did he have to make this harder? 'It's just, I'm with Adam and that's probably not gonna change anytime soon... and I don't want you to think I'm leading you on or anything-!'

'I don’t think that!' the swiftness of his reply caught you by surprise, and so did the honest reassurance in his eyes. 'Look,' he leaned closer, keeping his voice low as he fiddled with the silver rings adorning his fingers, 'I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable the other day. I'd really like to stay friends if that's okay with you?'

'Oh no! You didn’t...'

'Mr Munson!' Mr Boushebel’s nasal voice rang clear through the room, 'Kindly refrain from distracting your peers and focus on the lesson at hand!'

Eddie made a show of apologising earning a disapproving eyeroll as the teacher turned back to the board. You couldn’t help but laugh as he rolled his own eyes, slumping back in his seat, but behind his antics, he was still waiting for an answer.

'Yes,' you whispered and Eddie's smile softened. ‘It’s okay!’

*

More or less, things went on as they had.

Maybe it was selfish, the relief you felt? You weren't infallible; the attention was nice. A nice change. You contented yourself with the fact you'd been honest with him. He knew where he stood, if he still wanted to be kind to you, who were you to stop him?

Whether you admitted it or not though, things were different now. You hadn’t exactly bandied it about before, but now you found yourself taking care the girls you were supposed to call friends didn’t know about the continued affections you received from Eddie. You took to pressing the flowers he gave in the back of your notebook instead of threading them through your hair or the buttonholes of your cardigan. Instead of drinking in the thoughtful compliments he wrote, you stuffed them into your pocket, waiting until you were alone to read them and feel your heart lift.

If Eddie noticed these small deceptions, it didn’t deter him. Every morning, without fail, you were met with a posy of handpicked wildflowers and a few heartfelt lines observing some hidden jewel of your character.

Some of them bordered on poetry.

*

Things weren't exactly unhappy with Adam. Unsure perhaps? Indefinite?

To tell the truth, he was your first real relationship; you were still getting to grips with exactly what that meant. Everyone else seemed to understand. Why couldn’t you?

Most of the jocks and cheerleaders you sat alongside were paired up together. It was rare for them to venture outside of their group for a partner; you were an exception so you tried to follow their example.

Frankie was always perched on Chase’s lap, her arms around his neck, fingers trailing along his collarbone while his rested on her waist. That felt a little bold for you but you tried to sit as close as possible, opting to rest your cheek on his shoulder but he didn’t seem to notice.

Every time you saw Becky, she and Ryan were locked in conversation. What they spoke about was a mystery to you but both seemed to be consumed. As the general chatter lulled, you took the chance to try the new approach.

‘I’ve been reading this really lovely book Adam! It’s called Little Women and-!’

‘Wow, boring much?’ Jimmy Davis cut you off without a second thought. ‘You aren’t gonna bring all that nerd stuff over here, are you?’

You couldn’t speak. With a simple look, all the confidence was knocked out of you. He turned to Adam and laughed, ‘Next thing you know, she’ll be bringing her homework to lunch!’

Tears pricked in your eyes as Adam laughed along with him. Their discourse resumed like nothing had happened. You blinked them away. No one saw.

Jessica and Tony were all over each other. Making out in the hallways, feet touching in the aisles of the classroom. His hand always seemed to be somewhere near the hem of her skirt. It was still early in your relationship and you weren’t completely sure you wanted that yet, but it was worth a try. You tried to reach out, to shower him in affection the way the other girls did but almost every time he brushed you off. Pulled away and scowled as though you were inconveniencing him.

So instead, you fell silent. Ate your lunch with your head down and gave affirmative answers when a question was asked. They took no notice.

Your eyes tended to wander over the other tables; people-watching had become a habit during lonely lunchtimes. More and more often, you gaze came to rest on Hellfire. They were always animated and lively, often talking over each other in their excitement but never leaving any member out.

Unconsciously, your attention was drawn to their leader. He was no stranger to conversing loudly himself but you noticed how quickly he stopped to listen. The way a brotherly fondness fell over his features whenever one of the younger ones spoke and he sat forward to hang onto their words.

Perhaps that day a kindly angel was looking out for you. As you stared over at them, your head propped up in your hands, something made Eddie turn his head and his eyes met yours. Under anyone else’s gaze, you would have looked away quickly, pretending to find interest in the floor but you didn’t. He offered a soft smile and, in that moment the world blurred around you. It was like there was no one else in the room. Instantly you felt better, heart lighter. You couldn’t help but smile back at the silent reminder you weren’t alone.

‘Helloo?’ Jessica waved her hand in front of your face, breaking the spell and bringing you crashing back down to earth. The whole table was staring at you, teasing smirks warping at many mouths. ‘What’s the matter with you?’

You tried to brush them off, forcing yourself to shrug despite the heat burning in your cheeks. ‘Nothing, sorry, what were you saying?’

Frankie was looking behind her, craning her neck to see what you’d been staring at then leaned in close with an expression of sordid delight on her face, ‘You aren’t sweet on the freak are you?’

‘What? No!’ you protested as they erupted into giggles. ‘I was just daydreaming that’s all!’

‘Is he still sending you love letters?’ Jessica asked through hysterical tears.

Adam pricked up at this, ‘What?’ His expression turned from confusion to anger in a matter of seconds. Jessica stopped laughing.

‘You didn’t know?’

‘It’s nothing, I promise!’ you hurried to explain, guilt nagging in your tummy as you downplayed your interactions to reassure him. Your account seemed to assuage him and soon he too fell to teasing you while you tried to laugh along.

*

After lunch, you walked with Adam to class. His arm seemed tighter around your shoulders than normal; it was probably just your imagination. As he dropped you off at your classroom, one of his friends piped up, ‘We’re still on for extra practice tonight, right?’

The boys all replied to the affirmative and surprise hit you when Adam joined them. ‘I’ll be there!’

‘But I thought we were going out tonight? We planned it a week ago!’ you’d caught his hand but he only shrugged, pulling out of your reach.

‘Sorry babe! We can do it next week or whatever!’

‘Adam, you said you’d take me home tonight!’ Your house was an hour’s walk away.

He was losing patience now, ‘Just wait around!’ he snapped, ‘I’ll take you after practice! It’s not that big of a deal!’

And then he walked away.

*

You sat in the hall, back against the lockers and long since abandoned homework laid out in front of you as your eyes devoured the pages of ‘Little Women’ searching for solace. School had ended almost two hours ago. The lights were starting to hurt your head.

Somewhere down the corridor, a door opened and a flurry of excited voices broke the silence.

‘No way did you include a secret passageway!’

‘I did not see that goblin hoard coming!’

‘Can’t wait to see what happens next week Eds!’

The small gaggle passed by and Eddie caught sight of you alone. He quickly excused himself, promising more plot-twists and epic battles before making his way over.

‘Hey! How come you’re still here?’

You brightened instinctively at the sound of his voice. ‘Adam had extra practice,’ you explained. A look of impatience flashed across his face. Just for a moment, then it was gone. Eddie stuck his hands in his pockets and smiled.

‘Well, Hellfire’s done now; do you want a lift home?’

You hesitated. You did, you really did, but Adam would go ballistic if he found out. ‘It’s okay, he won’t be too long!’ You hoped.

Eddie nodded, sitting down beside you, ‘Can I wait with you then? Far be it from me to abandon a fair damsel to solitude!’

You nodded, laughing along at the funny voice he put on. You had no idea how glad Eddie was to make you smile; his eyes never left your face. Sunshine seemed to spill from every pour.

‘Tell me about your book!’ he requested, tucking his legs up and settling back against the lockers.

Forty minutes later, the doors to the gym swung open. Perhaps practice had gone badly. Perhaps he’d missed the last shot or coach had been especially tough that night. Adam had forgotten all about the teasing at lunchtime but when he rounded the corner and saw you sitting with Eddie Munson, when he saw him making you laugh and smile, it all came flooding back. Harmless jokes transformed to threat and trespass. You never smiled like that for him. Pride gave way to rage.

‘Back off Munson!’

His voice made you flinch. Eddie jumped up, taking a step back as Adam barrelled down the hall, spitting venom. He was angrier than you’d ever seen him. You stumbled to your feet, stepping in front of your boyfriend, hands stretched out, hoping to calm him down.

‘Adam, what are you-?’ he caught you, his hand sealing around your upper arm and jabbing a finger at Eddie.

‘She’s my girlfriend, freak! You stay the hell away from her!’ His fingers were so tight they began to bruise your arm. You tried in vain to subdue his fury but that only seemed to rile him more. ‘Crawl back to your trailer where you belong, trash!’

Eddie stood silent; his mouth half open like he wanted to say something but thought better of it. He glanced at you, a wordless apology heavy in his eyes, then walked away without a fight.

You breathed out.

Adam glared after him ‘til he was out of sight before he released you and stormed off in the other direction. For a split second, your heart was torn. Then you scrambled to pick up your things, stuffing them into your bag and running after him.

‘What the hell was that?’ The cold night air hit your face as the double doors swung shut behind you. Adam scoffed at the question but didn’t stop. ‘Why are you being so mean?’

‘What was he doing near you!’ the fury in his tone made you falter. He’d never sounded so cross.

‘Nothing!’ you were nearing the car. Clutching the bag on your shoulder, you stumbled over to the passenger side. ‘He just asked if I needed a ride and we were talking! That’s all!’

‘No! He’s trying to get it on with you!’ Adam jabbed a finger in your direction as he yanked the door open.

You almost laughed at the accusation, following suite and throwing your bag in the footwell, ‘Don’t be ridiculous! He was just being nice!’ He pulled his own door closed with a slam. ‘You don’t have to get so jealous!’

‘Jealous?’ That was the wrong thing to say! Adam was seething, ‘Of him? Of that freak?’

‘Look, Adam, I’m with you! It’s harmless, I promise!’ your own anger sparked, ‘Why don’t you trust me?’

He wasn’t listening. ‘You tell him to knock it off or I will!’

You hesitated. The look in his eyes was one you’d never seen before. Something like fear stirred in your chest. No, not fear! You pushed that thought away, he was your boyfriend, he wasn’t going to hurt you! But in the same second, you realised who he would hurt.

You swallowed, as he backed out of the parking lot faster than normal. His hands gripped the steering wheel so tight they turned white.

Neither of you said a word on the way home.

*

‘I’m sorry Eddie-!’

‘You don’t have to be sorry!’

The sounds of the cafeteria echoed down the deserted hall. Eddie sighed deeply, ‘I’m sorry!’

He knew this would happen eventually. He should have left you alone the moment he found out you had a boyfriend. Sure, it would have hurt, been unbearable even, but now you were mixed up in it all too. Now you would have to untangle the mess he’d made; manage the tempers he had riled.

‘It’s okay,’ you gave him a small smile, ‘You’ve been so kind. I’m grateful, really!’ You paused, ‘I just… I know what he’s like and I really don’t want you to get hurt!’

He smiled wryly. Eddie knew what the basketball team were like too and while he’d gladly withstand any punishment they decided to inflict, he didn’t want to cause you more pain than he already had. The time for dreaming was done. He nodded and left with all the grace and pleasantries he’d always afforded you.

He hoped you didn’t see the heartbreak in his eyes.

*

Life went on.

Gone were the notes and trinkets in your locker. No longer brightened by secret smiles and whispered compliments, the world turned grey.

You tried to pretend as if nothing had happened. As if clouds hadn’t blocked out the sun, as if all its warmth hadn’t drained away. He was never uncivil, never unkind, but now the two of you existed on different plains. Without Eddie, a gaping hole had been left behind and now you had to find something to fill it with.

Constant surveillance became the norm. It seemed Adam was always watching you somehow. From the corner of his eye at lunch, one of his teammates moving next to you in a lesson, or a cheerleader looping her arm through yours.

Try as you might, in the beginning you couldn’t help looking up when Eddie walked in. He hardly ever ate in the cafeteria anymore and when he did, he was silent. Picking at his food while his friends tried to pick up the pieces on their own.

Adam was quick to notice and settle an arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer and shooting a look which told you his patience was wearing thin.

You tried instead to listen to the conversations at your own table. The cycle was endless. Gossip and sports and who was going out with who. Whose social suicide would make the headlines today. It was mind-numbing.

You ought to be grateful really. People dreamed about this life. Popularity, fame, and all the rest of it. You sat among kings and queens, had earned the honour of their interest. Adam had given you all this. Most girls would kill to be in your place. You were indebted to him.

Time went on, each day more soulless than the last.

Adam began to be more affectionate, or at least put on a convincing performance for everyone else. He must have sensed people thought there was trouble in paradise. Doubt would not be tolerated.

It started out as small things. His arm dropped to rest around your waist for instance, holding you snugly against him. Things you might have enjoyed in the beginning, but now you couldn’t shake the idea that he had some ulterior motive.

One day, you were walking down the hallways. Arm in arm, and actually talking for once, only about Adam’s hopes for the basketball season, but it was a start, when out of nowhere, he pushed you up against the lockers and started kissing you with a force. One hand on the side of your neck, tangling itself in your hair and manoeuvring you with ease.

After the shock, you tried to kiss back. Maybe this meant things were alright again? Maybe this meant you were forgiven?

His other hand trailed down your ribs, slipping deftly under the hem of your shirt. ‘Adam, stop!’ You broke away in surprise, pushing on his arm, ‘We’re in school! You protested.

And just like that, he stopped. Turned and carried on walking without explanation. Without a word.

Confusion flooded your mind as you smoothed your shirt and glanced around to see if anyone else had witnessed his strange behaviour. Searching for an answer to such violent yet fleeting passion, you felt your stomach drop at the sight of a familiar leather jacket disappearing around the corner.

‘Oh,’ you thought, guilt and shame burning in your cheeks.

That was why.

*

It was late one Saturday night. Lamplight enveloped your room as you sat alone in the warm, comforting glow. A tangle of emotions weighed on your heart.

You and Adam had argued earlier. These days, it seemed all you did was argue. He’d insisted you come to some big party this evening.

‘I just don’t feel up to it!’

Everyone would be there, but you were tired and really didn’t feel like being around a bunch of drunk teens groping each other while Adam tried to convince you to go and make out upstairs.

‘Why do you have to be so boring?’ he’d complained, ‘It’s just a party!’

‘I’m not going! You go ahead if you want to!’

He’d left in a huff, muttering under his breath and you biked home by yourself. Were relationships supposed to feel like this? You wondered all the way home. You didn’t exactly have a wealth of experience to draw on. Somehow you didn’t think Jessica or the other cheerleaders would give the advice you needed.

Love was hard. So many people had told you that. It’s not like the movies. You sighed; was that all that was wrong? Were your expectations too high?

A tap on the window roused you from your thoughts. You jumped, half thinking you imagined it but there it was again. A sharp, swift tap like something hitting the glass.

Swinging your legs off the bed, you crept over and pulled back the curtain just in time for a third pebble to hit the pane a few inches from your face.

You flinched, then leaned forward, searching the darkened street for the attacker. Shadows and streetlights outlined a figure wincing at the indignation on your face. ‘Sorry!’ they mouthed.

Fond astonishment bubbled up and you pushed the window open. ‘Eddie?’ you whisper-yelled. Were you dreaming?

He beamed up at you, dropping a handful of pebbles and throwing up his hands in defence, ‘I know! I know you said to knock it off, but I have to show you something!’

‘What?’

He motioned, ‘Come down!’

You leaned back into your room and glanced at the clock by your bedside, ‘It’s eleven fifty-one, Eddie!’

‘I know!’ he nodded impatiently, ‘We’re gonna be late!’

You sighed. You really shouldn’t, but one look at his hopeful expression made the decision for you. ‘Alright!’

With many complaints and a few close calls, you climbed down from your window. They definitely made this look easier in the movies! You jumped the last few feet and Eddie grabbed your hand. He’d parked his van a block over and held the door as he helped you in.

‘Where are we going?’ you asked, but he only laughed.

‘You’ll like it! Trust me!’

So, you did.

Eddie drove quickly down the deserted streets, constantly checking his watch. He was expert at maintaining an air of mystery. For once the radio sat silent, limited conversation between the two of you filling the space.

He pulled up on the outskirts of town, stopping at the base of the hill. Weathertop, as it was affectionately nicknamed by the nerds. Eddie hopped out, getting your door. Once you’d jumped down, he rummaged in the back and pulled out a blanket and what looked like three couch cushions. At your obvious confusion, he flashed a smile, shifting the bundle in his arms so he could offer his hand.

‘Come on!’

The climb was steep, almost pitch black away from the houses and streetlights. Your only guide was the vague silhouette in front of you, hiking with a spring in his step and leading with the warmth of his touch. Nervous excitement mingled with curiosity.

What was his game?

‘There!’ Eddie flapped the blanket, spreading it on the summit and arranging the cushions with meticulous care. He nodded his head expectantly.

‘What?’ a bemused smirk preceded a hesitant giggle at his antics.

‘Sit down!’

You sat, tucking your legs and waiting eagerly. Eddie’s eyes were fixed on his watch, his fingers crossed behind his back as you stared at him.

‘Three… Two… Look up! Now!’

Your head jerked upward; adrenaline triggered by his frantic tone.

But nothing happened.

Puzzlement seeped in. It was a pretty night, beautiful even. Away from civilisation, the stars were a little brighter than normal, the moon full and ghostly full but that was all.

‘Come on… Come on!’ Eddie bounced on his heels, praying silently and trying not to lose hope. Just this once! Let me have this one!

You sighed, gaze falling back to him, ‘Edward Munson, if you’ve brought me out here for nothing-!’

‘No, look! Look now!’

He pointed.

You followed.

And all the breath left your lungs.

Out of the darkness, out of the midnight sky came streaks of bursting light. First one, then another, and another. Then a thousand!

Slicing through the firmament like papercuts, drawing bright white blood then fading to nothing.

You shot to your feet, craning your neck as far as you could and laughing in pure, open-mouthed delight!

They kept on coming! Daubing the night with silver and pearl for almost five minutes before the flow stemmed as suddenly as it had begun. Starlight faded leaving you in darkness, breathless with awe.

You looked back at Eddie. A crescent smile stretched over his face, ‘Did you like it?’

‘Like it?’

You laughed, giddy and weak at the knees. You stumbled closer and threw your arms around him, ‘Eddie, that was wonderful! Wonderful!’

He laughed with you, hugging you as the sound reverberated through his chest. Then as if a switch had been flipped, he pulled back, suddenly apprehensive. ‘There uh… There might be some more,’ he said, rubbing the back of his neck, ‘… If you wanna wait, I know it’s late!’

You beamed, ‘I want to stay out here all night!’

He smiled.

Side by side, in the comfort of the cushions and each other’s company, you watched the night sky as its contents danced and glittered. Between showers of falling stars, you laughed and talked with ease, cutting each other off with a yelp of excitement when more appeared.

Somewhere around two am, you glanced back at Eddie. It took everything in you not to gasp.

The bright stars sparkled in the reflection of his eyes. Twinkling and shining an endless brown nebula with some with some ethereal power. There was a whole universe inside of him and you got to catch a glimpse!

You stopped watching the sky after that.

*

As the night turned chilly, Eddie’s jacket found itself draped around your shoulders. The conversation turned deeper and more meaningful than anything you’d experienced in months.

Over the course of the night, you’d moved closer. Mere inches existed between you now but it wasn’t until, on the verge of sleep and against your better judgement, you laid your head on his shoulder that his arm settled around you.

Gently. Loosely so you could pull away whenever you chose.

The veil of tiredness thinned as you observed that it was always like that with Eddie. Always making sure you were perfectly comfortable before he made a move.

Not like Adam, the admission tasted bitter. Adam whose hands wandered every chance they got. Who kissed you when he liked then shunned you with no explanation. Who brushed you off with ease. Who cared more about keeping up appearances than resolving actual problems between you.

The familiar churn in your stomach resurfaced. You pulled away from Eddie feeling suddenly guilty. He was your boyfriend! You shouldn’t be making comparisons like that…

Shouldn’t you?

‘Why are you doing this?’ the question was unprompted, but you needed to know, ‘All these nice things, why are you still doing it?’

Eddie gave a crooked smile, trying to hide how much he missed the closeness. ‘I think I’ve made it pretty clear it’s because I’m in love with you!’ You didn’t look away, so he had to. Your searching eyes and the late hour threatening to pry the truth from his lips. ‘And because…’

‘Because what?’

Eddie fought a battle in his heart. He shouldn’t interfere, he had no right! It wasn’t his place. If he did, he could lose even the fleeting moments he was allowed with you. He couldn’t risk ruining what was left by opening his big mouth.

But you wanted to know… and he couldn’t deny you anything.

‘Can I say something?’ he managed, struggling to find the words. He laughed a little, ‘And you can totally slap me and tell me to get lost if you want!’

You breathed a smile. He never missed a chance to put you at ease. You nodded.

He paused, breathing deep. He had to get this right. When the words came, they were plain and simple.

‘I don’t think he’s good for you!’

Silence. Eddie thought his heart might beat right out of his chest.

‘Oh?’ your voice came out thin. You didn’t sound surprised. Maybe you shouldn’t have said the next words. Maybe you should have turned around and gone straight home. Or maybe, more than anything, you needed to hear his answer. ‘Why not?’

Eddie let out a breath, wetting his lips nervously. ‘You don’t smile when you’re with him… Not really! And he doesn’t notice when you’re faking it.’ Once he’d begun it was hard to stop. Until now, he hadn’t realised just how much he’d pent up. ‘He doesn’t do the things a boyfriend should! He doesn’t listen to you. He doesn’t even think about you unless you’re standing right in front of him! Unless he thinks he might lose you…’

He stopped himself. You hadn’t moved, your eyes staring through him as you listened. The words stung but you knew in your heart they were true. Tears began to blur your vision.

‘I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to-,’ he reached for you hand then dropped it with a sigh, ‘This isn’t a ‘dump him and date me instead’, I swear, I just…’

It was maddening. He wanted to hold you. The sight of your pretty eyes glistening with unshed tears was too much to bear. He wanted so badly to draw you close and comfort you properly but he knew he couldn’t.

‘I just think you deserve someone who knows you deserve the world!’

There it was. Out in the open.

Your breath hitched slightly. No one had ever said anything like that before. It was like you were seeing him for the first time. Away from the insults and expectations at high school, away from the cruelty and the caricatures. All this time, he’d been right here in front of you. Out here in the twinkling starlight everything was clearer. Why hadn’t you noticed before? You wanted to say something though where to start, you didn’t know. Before you could open your mouth, Eddie spoke.

‘Come on,’ he dropped his gaze nodding to the sky. ‘I think that’s the last of them.’

Eddie got to his feet and collected the cushions. You rolled up the blanket, a sense of reluctance tugging on your heartstrings. Neither of you spoke as you wandered down the hill. Eddie helped you into the passenger side and started the van. The ride home was silent. The sky above beginning to lighten.

He drew up to your house, hopping out to open your door one last time. He held your hand as you stepped down. You didn’t want him to let go.

As you looked up at him, a thousand thoughts revolved in your mind. A million questions you needed answered, a million more things you needed him to know, but a whispered, ‘Thank you!’ was all that came out.

Eddie looked at the ground, a small smile twitching at the corner of his mouth, ‘Thank you!’ he echoed.

You shrugged off his jacket, handing it back as the early morning air bit at your bare arms. He took it and for a moment you stood together. Neither of you wanted to go first.

‘I’ll see you Monday?’ he asked tentatively, looking at you through his eyelashes.

You nodded, a shy smile gracing your lips,

‘See you Monday!’

The walk to your front door was lonely and cold but hope’s bright spark flickered in your heart. You weren’t afraid anymore. You knew what you wanted and you had the strength to go after it.

You didn’t look back. You didn’t see Eddie watch you all the way up the path then slowly raise the jacket to his cheek. The fabric brushed against his skin. You didn’t see him sigh and smile as he breathed in your scent.

*

Your heart was pounding; palms sweating. You made your way through the crowded hallways, silently hoping your resolve wouldn’t crumble.

You caught sight of him crowded around his locker with his friends. With a deep breath, you started toward him. You couldn’t change your mind now.

‘Adam, I think we should talk!’

Your boyfriend rolled his eyes, reluctantly pulling his attention from the conversation he was immersed in, ‘What now?’

You bit the inside of your cheek, praying for the strength to stand your ground. ‘I mean in private.’

‘Oh, come on babe! It can’t be that important!’

Just like that. Like you were a nuisance. A mild inconvenience he was forced to live with. Well, who were you to burden him?

‘Fine!’ you retorted, tact and empathy worn thin, ‘I’m not happy! This isn’t working; I want to break up!’

The group fell silent. Shock and horror covered every face but you couldn’t care less. Adam’s expression morphed from amusement to surprise, then outrage. ‘What?’

You folded your arms, forcing yourself not to quail under his gaze. ‘You heard me! I’m breaking up with you!’

In one swift movement, he seized your arm, pulling you away from the others into an alcove. ‘What the hell are you playing at?’

‘I’m not happy!’ you repeated, shaking yourself free from his grasp, ‘You don’t care about me! You won’t even talk to me unless it’s about sports or parties! You ignore me and then get mad when I make friends with someone else! You don’t want me, you just like the idea of having someone on your arm! Well, I don’t want that! I’m done!’

Adam was seething. ‘This is because of him, isn’t it? That freak, Munson!’

‘No, you aren’t listening!’

‘I’ll kill him, I swear!’

‘You won’t go anywhere near him!’ a surge of anger flooded your voice when he threatened Eddie, ‘He has nothing to do with this! All he did was make me see what was standing right in front of me!’

Fury tensed his every muscle. Fists clenched, all but frothing at the mouth. Suddenly, he looked nothing like the person you’d been in a relationship with.

‘You were nothing before me!’ his voice was low and shaking with barely restrained anger, ‘A pretty face and nothing more! If we break up, that’s exactly what you’ll go back to!’

Once upon a time, that thought would have terrified you. Perhaps then you’d have reconsidered, grovelled for his forgiveness and been content to live in misery. Not anymore.

With that threat, he confirmed every doubt you’d ever had about him.

‘I’m done Adam.’

He swallowed, a muscle twitching in his jaw. He could hardly comprehend your words. ‘Have fun being a nobody again!’ he spat, knocking your shoulder as he stalked away.

Relief hit you in the chest, forcing tears while your knees shook. There would be consequences for this, of that you had no doubt.

But for the first time in months, you could breathe easy.

*

With no one to sit with at lunch, you ate in the music room. You really weren’t up to facing the flying rumours and disapproving stares so your fingers teased a familiar tune from the old piano between bites. A tear or two slid down your cheeks every now and then, landing on the keys as you sniffed and tried to wipe them away.

You knew you’d done the right thing but somehow it still hurt. Who knew what they were saying about you in the cafeteria. You’d slapped a great big target on your back and probably Eddie’s as well!’

‘Oh, sorry! I didn’t think anyone else would be in here!’

Speak of the devil.

You stopped playing abruptly turning to find Eddie Munson standing in the doorway. He caught sight of your red-rimmed eyes and stepped closer, pulling over a chair.

‘Hey, what’s wrong?’ he asked in that gentle, caring tone only ever reserved for you.

You sniffed, giving him a rueful smile and gesturing vaguely, ‘We broke up!’

Eddie’s face fell. He cursed under his breath, ‘I’m sorry! I shouldn’t’ve… I didn’t mean you had to-!’

‘It’s not your fault!’ you shook you head and sighed. Closing the piano lid, you leaned an elbow on top, head in your hand. ‘I guess you just made me realise…’ you trailed off.

Silence fell once more and Eddie didn’t disturb it. He wished he could comfort you, banish the storm clouds and shadows but he couldn’t shake the guilt of being their conjurer. He couldn’t ignore how glad he was that you were away from Adam, and the selfish inkling that now he might finally have a chance with you.

As if sensing his torment, you managed a small chuckle, ‘I’ll be okay!’ you nodded to yourself, ‘I’m gonna need some time… a few weeks, a month maybe, I don’t know,’ you shrugged.

Eddie nodded quietly. His eyes fixed on the floor. Yours never left him. ‘But someone told me there’s a new milkshake place at the mall… I still haven’t been!’

Eddie looked up, a hesitant smile tugging at his mouth, ‘Yeah? Me either.’

You nodded and shrugged again nonchalantly, ‘We should probably go check it out… If you still want to…’

‘I’d love to!’ Perhaps he replied too fast. Perhaps he smiled to wide and looked too eager but you didn’t seem to mind.

You opened your mouth to say something but the school bell rang. It’s harsh tone signifying the end of lunch. Stuffing your things back into your bag, you slung it over your shoulder as you both stood. Now, face to face, you appreciated the warmth of those brown eyes more than ever before.

‘I’ll call you?’ you asked, suddenly unsure if you were worthy of such patient kindness as his.

Eddie fought every urge to lean forward and kiss you right then and there.

‘When you’re ready!’ He smiled. Sunshine through the clouds.

‘Maybe everything would be okay?’ you thought. ‘Maybe everything would be wonderful!’

***

Thank you for reading! I really hope you enjoyed it! Please reblog and leave a comment if you did! It gives me such a boost and encourages me to keep writing when people do leave feedback!

Check out my masterlist for more of my stuff

Taglist: @sadbitchfangirl, @neewtmas, @idathereader, @ladymunson

[ialwaysgobacktoit]

idk how you'd write a one shot for this cause idk how to properly word it, but gwynriel being soft but in a way that almost domestic? reading books together all scrunched up together and then debating those books and their conflicting views because what's a good couple if not banter? and then agreeing to disagree, but not really because neither of their competitive asses can actually let it go

For Gwynriel Appreciation Week: Reading together

AAAAAhhhh!!! It's being some rough couple weeks, therefore I'm not as active as I wanted in terms of writing, but I'm loooving to read all your content. Gwynriel Week is awesome!

I know this is AU day, so I tried to make this as "freely" as possible, and it can (if you squint, I guess) be fitted in AU! I originally wanted to post this on day 3 (Identity) but life had other plans... Anyways, this is just a snippet, a little scene I loved to write and think about, and aaah what do l care, it's Gwynriel after all!!!!!

Hope you like my contribution to Gwynriel Week and remember, my ask is always open for prompts and ideas! <3 keep on rocking, keep on going :)

---------------

"This is absolutely ridiculous."

"What?"

Gwyn closed the book with a thud, shutting her eyes and massaging her temples in frustration: "There's no way this could actually happen. Not like this."

"Which page are you on?"

She opened her eyes and stared at him from across the couch. They were a confusion of tangled legs, sharing a blanket, lying comfortably in a C-shaped love-seat in Azriel's bedroom.

"One hundred and forty."

Azriel snorted and shook his head:

"There's still a lot of ground to cover." He said casually, returning to his copy of the novel, but that smirk on his face told Gwyn there was more.

"What do you mean?" It was her turn to ask, and she ignored how high her pitch was at the statement. "On which page are you?"

They started doing that the last couple of months, eventually borrowing two copies of the same book and reading it together. An amusing experience, especially considering how competitive both of them were. Not that they minded, anyway.

"Keep on reading." He answered, eyes darting from the page to her.

But his smirk only grew wider:

"And..." He paused, pretending to check. Gwyn saw right through him. He knew all too well in which page he was; they had the habit of tracking each other's progress: "Two hundred and thirty two."

"What?! That's impossible!" Her eyes widened "We started it yesterday, and got to the same page."

Azriel shrugged irreverently. "I'm a fast reader. And since we're on that... You should keep on reading."

Gwyn scoffed, feigning irritation. How was it possible he read so quickly already? They spent the day busy and that was only the second night both sat down to read. Unless...

"What did you do?" Her tone was accusatory. "You kept on reading after I fell asleep, was it? Or..."

He had shut down his copy now, but said nothing. Gwyn sat up straight, retreating her legs and crossing them, and ignoring the strange sensation of not having the weight of his legs against hers:

"You have read this already, haven't you?"

As he didn't respond immediately, she pressed: "Shadowsinger."

He straightened, features changing slightly as he blinked, looking at the ground.

"I knew it!" She leaned over to tap on his shoulder playfully. "I can't believe it! Why didn't you say so?"

"To be fair, Gwyn" He raised his hands in surrender "I only remembered I've already read this in the last hour. It's not like I don't have five hundred years on my back. "

She shook her head, but couldn't hide her smile.

As he watched her schooling her expression into a serious one once again, Azriel realized he didn't plan to tell her about it for two reasons. The first was that he really couldn't remember almost anything from the plot, so it wasn't that big of a deal. And the second, and that one was hidden deep within him, he didn't want the precious expression from the moment she first read the synopsis out loud to fade if he told her the truth. That excitement and pure joy only Gwyneth Berdara could express.

Besides, he was more than content in casually sitting beside her, feeling the smooth touch of her legs against his or her feet atop his knees, in comfortable silence as they both read; it almost didn't matter which book they were reading. Not that he would admit that.

Not just yet.

"Anyways" Gwyn's face was dead serious now, as she returned to the subject in question. "Since you read it, we might as well discuss it already. For Mother's sake, why did Aliana lie to Milfred?"

Azriel frowned in confusion, waving his hand for her to remind him, trying to retrieve the scene of a book he'd read over two centuries ago. "Again, Gwyn. Five hundred years on my back."

She sighed, and unconsciously fell back against the cushions, extending her legs to their previous spot. She didn't let herself dwell on how Azriel's expression softened at that, as if he'd also been missing their touch:

"They are best friends, and Aliana chose not to tell Milfred she knew about what she truly was, even if it could change the entire plot; and their entire friendship was based on trust! Cauldron, why do authors keep on doing that? She should have told her from the first time Milfred saw the Oracle."

"I can see your point" Azriel murmured after he drew on a breath, cocking his head.

"But?" Her eyes narrowed.

His expression was cautious for a moment, but when he spoke, he was assertive: "Sometimes we have to lie to the ones we love, even if it hurt us to do so."

"I'm aware of that, but that's beyond the point. It's controversial to Aliana's character. Not to say it would've probably reduced a lot of the drama and angst. They are stronger together, and this should be obvious to both of them."

They were in a dangerous territory, Azriel could feel.

Truth is a delicate matter, Shadowsinger.

His shadows coiled around his ear, whispering. He ignored them and studied Gwyn. Her copper hair in a messy braid, clad in her usual robes. The priestess he have come to call a friend. Best friend, even.

"Is it?" The corner of his mouth twitched involuntarily as she crossed her arms against her chest, and he kept on "Controversial to her character? I mean, I know that they value trust above everything, but sometimes feelings may come in the way. And that doesn't necessarily mean they are controversial, just... Flawed."

Gwyn huffed, and something about the way the Shadowsinger averted his gaze at the last word, hazel eyes flashing a glimpse of pain, urged her to talk. Or hug him. Which she wouldn't do.

Not now, at least.

She opted for the former:

"If well written, yes. It does show complexity in a character. But I haven't advanced enough so far to determine that, so... To me, right now it only screams inconsistency." She shrugged, trying to lighten the mood.

To make the brooding Spymaster smile again.

"Ah, and lack of originality, of course."

It worked.

He chuckled and grabbed his book, that frown going away and almost making Gwyn sigh with relief:

"So you should keep on reading." He nodded to her copy, that crooked smile still on his face. "To confirm your opinions, that is. Not because I've said it three times already."

It was like Azriel couldn't control himself when he actually winked at her. But he enjoyed it, almost too much.

"I guess I should. Meanwhile, let's settle on agreeing to disagree." She opened her book once again. Her eyes glinted with mischief, but her blushing cheeks gave her away.

And damn him if the thought of making her flush didn't spread his smile even further.

"Besides" She added, brows high, eyes never leaving the page "It's obvious I'm reading for this sole purpose."

"Of course you are." His answer matched the tone of her statement, and they fell into comfortable silence once again. Effortless, like they could just be around each other, without second thoughts.

But the words she said before still ringed in Azriel's ears. Were echoed by his shadows.

They are stronger together, and this should be obvious to both of them.

And as he kept his gaze on her for a moment longer, who now was absorbed by the story, he realized maybe he should start admitting some things.

[clairecrive]

"Rock my world" - Sirius Black x reader

A/n: I was thinking of making this a series but idk, let me know what you think. The band in the picture, Maneskin, are my inspiration for the marauders' band music and aesthetic. Check them out cause they're really good. They're going to represent Italy at the next Eurovision contest.

Here's their Instagram and Spotify.

Tags: Muggle AU, so ofc no magic, no Hogwarts, Marauders in a rock band, no Peter but Regulus instead, jily

Warnings: none

Word count: 2.2K ish

Summary: When y/n finally agrees to check out this band that her best friend was always talking about, she's in for a pleasant surprise and one hell of a night.

It had all started in the cheesiest and most cliscé of ways, really. Y/n had made a bet which had made you go out of your comfort zone that one night and for your bravery, you were rewarded with the most amazing boyfriend ever. It sounds like a story out of a rom-com or a romance novel, doesn't it? Well, yeah, it felt like a main character moment but, unlike what we see in those stories, it wasn't always fun and games.

But let's start from the beginning, shall we?

Y/n's best friend Jules had been nagging her about this rock band who was apparently the new sensation of the year according to her, for the longest time. So, one Friday night, when Jules had informed her that that very band was playing in a bar not very far from her workplace, she agreed to go for drinks there.

Worst case scenario, she thought, the music will be terrible but at least I get to tease Jules about it.

Still clothed in the floral dress she had chosen this morning, but adding a few glittery touches and graphic eyeliner to make her look more nighty, y/n headed towards said bar where Jules was already waiting for her.

"Finally," she huffed when y/n rounded the corner and entered her field of vision. 

"Sorry, it was my turn to close tonight," y/n shot her an apologetic smile before hooking their arms.

They made their way inside looking for a place to sit. The bar was already crowded but not in an unusual way. Maybe it was the hour or the fact that it was a weeknight, y/n didn't know but felt grateful that it wasn't packed. She really wasn't a fan of crowded places.

They got their drinks and caught up as they usually would about their week. They were almost finished when the band walked up the stage and music started playing. Even before the first note, one look at their outfits made clear what kind of music they were going to play. 

They had an interesting aesthetic, y/n had to admit. They wore the same colour but each member had their own style. The band was made up of four guys, the bassist had long straight hair and he looked a lot like the singer who instead had curly hair, the drummer had short curly light brown hair and y/n couldn't see what he was wearing past a black vest while the guitarist had black hair that was all over the place and wore glasses. 

They had an androgynous aesthetic, each of them with beautiful makeup in tones of black and grey and the ones y/n could see clearly were wearing a sort of body. They looked stunning. Y/n had decided she liked them based on this alone. She had to admire anyone who had the guts to express themselves freely especially when it was in such an open and unapologetic way of going against gender norms.

After half an hour, the music stopped and after the singer wished everyone goodnight and they all climbed down. As she expected, they played rock music ranging from soft rock edging pop to hard rock that made her think a lot of ACDC. Y/n wasn't an expert in music but she had liked what she heard and wouldn't mind listening more from them. She was sure that she was going to catch some of their songs on the radio in the future. 

However, Jules picked up the conversation where they had left it before the concert and decided that it was the time where she'd complain about her recent love interest. Each of their weekly meetings had one of this moment. Unfortunately, it looked like Jules didn't have a lot of luck when it came to guys. And as it always would, she wondered if she was the problem asking y/n if the reason every one of her relationships failed because she was unlovable. As if.

"That's not true, I truly believe that you can learn to love anyone. Lest you get to know them, of course."

"Of course you'd say something like that."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"If you truly believe that, then you're not going to say no to this." Jules wriggles her eyebrows suggestively and y/n knew that the night is either about to become very interesting or about to go very wrong.

"The expression on your face is telling me that I should definitely say no to what you're about to say."

"Oh c'mon, it's just an innocent dare. Nothing too crazy, I promise."

"Which is?"

"You see that guy leaning on the bar? Long black hair with the black leather jacket?" Y/n turned around indulging her friend and eventually spotted the guy she was talking about. She took her time to look at him until she realized something that made her whip around to face Jules again.

"You mean the singer of the band?" y/n asked incredulously.

"Isn't he handsome?" Jules smiled wide completely ignoring the look y/n was giving her already knowing what was going through her friends' mind. "I want you to go to him and ask him out."

"What?" 

"C'mon", Jules complained reaching out to y/n over the table, "didn't you say that it was possible to love anyone? Can't you see yourself loving him?"

"That's not the point," y/n exclaimed still not believing that her friend was suggesting something so outrageous. "Can you see him loving me?" Because that man over there had "heart breaker" spelt all over him. And okay, y/n had to admit that this was a rush judgment she was making and it wasn't exactly fair but there was no way that a guy like him could be interested in a girl like her.

And yes, we could stay here and discuss all the reasons why that statement is wrong but still, if she were to put herself out there -something that was not like her at all- she wasn't going to go over someone so out of reach for her. And that was that.

"Listen, do you remember that video you sent me the other day?" Jules squared her shoulders, now looking fully serious at y/n. Unfortunately, y/n did remember the video Jules was talking about. She would have never guessed it would come back and bit her in the ass otherwise she'd never sent it.

Sighing, y/n looked down at the drink in her hands and thought about it. The video basically encouraged the viewer to go up to what they believed was the most beautiful person in the room and tell them exactly that. It may sound a little silly but at the time y/n had appreciated the sentiment. Going out of one's comfort zone. Challenging yourself. Because, what was the worst that could happen? That person shotting you down? That didn't sound life-threatening. Now though, y/n wasn't so sure. 

"Worst case scenario, just tell him I'm calling you and head back here." Jules offered, almost as if she could tell exactly what her best friend was thinking.

Looking at her best friend, something snapped in her. Jules was right. What's the worst that could happen? She already knew that the guy was going to shoot her down. She was prepared. It was a dare, a silly thing that could give her a story to tell to her nephews one day. 

What the hell, y/n thought squaring her shoulders. 

"You know what?" she downed the rest of her drink and got up from her seat, "I'm doing it." Looking in the reflection of the tissue box on the table to check how she looked, she fixed her smudged lipstick and ruffed her hair before nodding solemnly at Jules and turned around.

As she made her way to the bar, she could hear Jules cheering on her fueling her sudden confidence. 

The man of the hour was there where she saw him last. Her steps faltered as she realized that she had no idea how to approach him. What was she going to say? Oh my god, she was totally going to make a fool of herself. If she was not going to die for his rejection, she sure is going to die of embarrassment. 

She was almost about to turn around and abort the mission when his eyes met hers.

Well, fuck. There was no way she was going to back down now.

She regained her confidence and smiled at him while closing the distance between them. She smiled at him. Who was she? Did someone drug her drink?

He smiled back at her, turning so that he'd be facing her once she reached him and she almost stopped to pinch herself to see if she was hallucinating or something.

"Hey," she said once she stood in front of him. Good, she thought, let's start with something simple.

"Hi," he smiled back at her.  

Okay, okay, it's going good, isn't it? He hasn't ignored me, that must mean something, right? Yes, that he wasn't a rude asshole was her sobering thought.

"So," y/n started trying to take to time while she figured what to say, "I saw a video the other day," was what she ended up with. 

The handsome stranger lifted his eyebrows in amusement and took a sip of his beer. Y/n took that as a "go on then".

"There was this woman that basically dared anyone watching to go up to the person who they thought was the most beautiful person in the room and tell them exactly that." Well, let's just get it out of the way, I guess, she thought. "So, here I am," she added as if it wasn't clear enough.

However, as she saw the man's smile widen, y/n suddenly realized how really screwed she was. This man was way out of her league.

"Well, now that I'm here, I should also mention that you've really good at what you do too." 

"Not to sound rude or anything," he spoke for the first time that evening and y/n had already decided that he had been the gods' favourite in another life before he opened his mouth but now? as he heard his low and raspy voice? she was sure he had been at least a demi-god, "did you lost a bet or something?" he asked, his grey eyes boring into hers like he was looking into her soul.  

Who was this guy? and why was she feeling like this? Get a grip, y/n, she scolded herself.

"Is it that obvious?" y/n's shoulders slouched as some of the tension left them, a nervous laugh leaving her mouth. 

"I saw you downing your drink like it was some kind of bravery potion before you came here," he explained with a light scroll of his shoulders. "Not that I mind though," he added with what should be an illegal smirk. Smug.

"Yeah, I'm sure you've heard it countless time only tonight." Let's joke on it, she thought, there's still a chance I can come clean out of this mess. 

He chuckled and, not leaving her eyes, he slipped a hand through his loose hair pushing it back. "I meant that if you hadn't come I would probably found an excuse to come up to you too." He leaned back onto the bar looking completely unbothered, not as if he had said something that made her feel on fire. 

"Looks like I've to thank your friend for my luck." Looking over your shoulder, he held one of his hands up and lightly waving at Jules, y/n figured.

"Yeah, let's not tell her that or I will never hear the end of it." Rolling her eyes, y/n also leaned on her arm resting on the bar next to him. Whether it was the fact that all the cards were on the table or that what he said meant that he had to somewhat like her, she felt more relaxed than a couple of minutes ago.

"Before I make this solemn oath, I think it would be appropriate to know your name, don't you think?"

"It's y/n," she held her hand up for him to shake. However, he had something else in mind since when he took hold of her hand he turned it and held it up to his lips to leave a soft kiss on it. Y/n  almost rolled her eyes at the gesture if it wasn't for his eyes. They didn't move from hers and she found that she didn't want to stop looking at him. Like she was in a trance. Yes, he was handsome, even more so up close, so of course he was nice to look at but that wasn't why. It's the way his eyes glimmered as they watched her, the gentleness with which he was holding her hand, the softness of his lips on her skin. What would they feel like on her lips, she wondered.

"I'm Sirius." 

And that's how it all started. A silly video sent almost automatically to her best friend and an outrageous bet made y/n's night definitely interesting. To her luck though, Sirius became a permanent presence and not a one-night sensation.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Tagging: @seldomabsent

[barjogaron]

This is chapter 4 for my Élite AU Love & Deceit! Thanks so much you guys for the lovely comments and support! It can be read on ao3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32302612

And on wattpad here:

Thanks for reading! Enjoy!

Chapter Four:

In the dream, a pair of lustful green eyes glare at me from the dark...

The obnoxious sound my phone's alarm clock rings in my ear. I rub and open my eyes, the alarm of my phone notifying me consistently to wake up and prepare myself for the day. The first day. Work officially begins and I must be on the top my heels with everything. From managing the mansion's staff, to cleaning, as well and looking after the house. It shouldn't be too hard. Right?

I get out my outfit for today which is thankfully more casual than the others who mandatorily must wear suits and or maid dresses. I am privileged to wear more causal clothing, a white button up blouse, a black skirt, and my navy blue Toms. I put on reading glasses and braid my hair into a short pony tail before wrapping a silky and shiny baby blue hijab around my head. Of course I dabble my face with a little make up, eyeliner, and brown lipstick, so I can at least look slightly more fashionable. Honestly, I look like an assistant rather than someone who cleans and manages a mansion.

I enter into the living room of the suite and the girls are nowhere in sight, probably already starting to help the kitchen staff with breakfast for the boys. I open the door, about to enter the hallway when I pump into a what felt like a wall. He's a few inches taller than me and devilishly handsome.

His hair is dark, short, and wavy, and I can smell the nice smelling aftershave on his smooth face. He looks at me and I've never seen such a friendlier smile. His golden brown eyes are like ice, so cold and sharp, but everything about him is warm. He's dressed in a dark blue blazer with a black shirt underneath and ripped jeans.

"I'm sorry, I didn't see you there, miss...?" his Spaniard accent is strong, and I notice that both his hands still rest on my shoulders. After a few awkward seconds his cheeks heat up red and he quickly releases me from his grip.

I clear my throat.

"It's okay, um," I clear my throat again. "Who are you?" I ask sincerely. I must know who this stranger is. I didn't see him last night at dinner. Is he a brother? No, probably not, although he looks the part. But he is definitely more casual.

"I'm Samuel. Nice to meet you," he says and I shake his hand. "I am here to assist you. Mister Crisanto put you in charge of the staff. He put me to assistant alongside you in any way that I can make things easier for you." Samuel smiles. It's a warm and inviting smile. I nod my head slowly.

"I didn't know I'd be having an assistant."

"You'll need all the help you can get, I'm afraid." Samuel chuckles softly.

"I'm thankful. And I'm sure I'll need it. Well, how about breakfast...?" I tell him and he's just staring at me with his lips still stuck in a smile. After a few moments I guess my words have entered his ears and his eyes go wide.

"Oh, right! " he says, starting now towards the stairs. "Shall we?" he says.

"Of course." I walk towards him and we stroll down the stairs together.

"So how'd you get this job?" Samuel asks me as we walk down the hallway on our way towards the kitchen.

"Well, a professor of mine recommended me to take this high opportunity job, and I needed a high paying job and experience like this, so I took the chance. The benefits are spectacular. I've never been to London, and well...here I am." I smile to myself.

Samuel looks at me with much amazement. Silence creeps in and I decide to disrupt it.

"What about you? How'd you end up here?" I ask him and he shoves his hands into his pockets, his smile revealing his perfect white teeth.

"I'm a friend of the family, actually," says Samuel. "We're all just trying to make a living."  he finishes.

"Isn't that the truth." I huff.

After a few more minutes of walking, we near the kitchen, which is before the dining hall.

"Well, I'll see what's up in the kitchen and you check out the dining hall in preparation for set up." Samuel instructs and I oblige. He disappears into the kitchen and I walk further towards the dining hall, finally entering, and is soon disturbed because of the sight in front of me.

Half naked and clothed only in a matte black designer house-robe is, Guzmán. His naked chest bare with a thin gold necklace draped around his neck and laying on his large pecs, his perfect peachy skin glistening from the invading morning light. He sits in the chair inappropriately like a child. The trim of his boxers showing beneath his bellybutton, as his grey sweatpants that shape his legs are slouched down by an inch to display the brand of his boxers. Which are Calvin Klein...

His eyes snap up at me and a smirk grows on his face. He takes a green apple from the fruit bowl in front of him and slowly bites into it. The loud crunch is taunting and obnoxious, making me cringe. I'm sure the crunch could be heard all over the mansion. He munches on the apple while holding his gaze upon me. His lips are now plump, wet, and a deeper shade of pink. I bite my tongue and clench my fist, trying to grip onto the first thing to say that comes to mind.

"What are you doing?" is the only thing my brain could come with, and it's an incredibly stupid question.

"As you know, this is my home," Guzmán smirks. "And I'm eating an apple." he takes another bite out of the apple and his smirk grows to deride me.

Let me try firing a better question...

"I mean what are you doing sitting here half naked at the table? It's..."

"Obnoxious?" Guzmán adds.

"Even better." I reply.

"Abhorrent?" Guzmán continues while standing from the chair. I cross my arms and stand my ground.

"I couldn't agree more." I challenge him, my hands are on my hips now, and Guzmán inches himself closer to me.

"Repugnant?" he continues, getting closer. "Intolerable?" he's even closer, and I back away slightly but there is a wall behind me, meaning I'm trapped.

"Unpleasant?" he says, now standing in front of me. He's so much taller than me that I have to look up.

"Most definitely." I breathe, looking away. Guzmán leans closer to me.

"Dis-taste-ful?" he whispers into my ear, his breath on my neck. Why am I even allowing this?

"Are you finished, Mister Blanco?" I ask him and I hear him chuckle under his breath. "What's so funny?" I ask as he backs away from me, restoring my personal space.

"Mister Blanco is my father. You can call me, Guzmán, baby girl." he winks and my mouth hangs open.

"Excuse me?" I glare at him but it amuses him further.

"Or daddy, if you'd like." Guzmán winks again with a grin.

"Excu—, Why I...!" I scoff. Thankfully, before he could say anything, waiters and waitresses bring out plates of food and fancy eating utensils to spread on the table blanketed in white.

"Breakfast is served!" Carla, who is dressed cutely in her cleaning outfit, shouts and rings a bell as the staff sets up the food on the table. Guzmán's brothers enter the room, selecting their seats. Guzmán sits at the head of the table where his father sat last night, still sitting obnoxiously and munching on his apple, his green gaze still focused on me, trying to get beneath my skin.

"Everything alright?" I hear Samuel's voice and I turn around to see his friendly face, which immediately brightens my mood.

"Yes, of course," I give him an assuring smile and look back at Guzmán and his brothers as they all begin to eat breakfast.

...

LATER ON, THE DAY has become evening, and my first day was a success for the most part. Breakfast went surprisingly smooth as the rest of the day was a complete and utter day of bland. There wasn't much to do, but it felt like a lifetime of doing so. Floors needed to be swept, mopped, and waxed, the rooms dusted, books organized—things like that. Of course I took care of all of those things on my behalf. Managing the other staff to do lawn work and clean the pool and other parts of the house wasn't an easy fix either. As well as figuring out the meal plan. Crisanto seems to have a very distinct diet for him and his sons, so I want to make sure we live up to his dietary expectations.

It's about a quarter to seven when I am relieved from my duty and I head upstairs to my room. The other girls sought to go sight seeing in the city and shop around before we are to do dinner. I'm just going to get lost in a novel and probably go to sleep. I'll have plenty of time to check out the city of London during my stay here.

The house is silent as I walk through the eldritch hall. Not a soul to be seen or a sound to be heard, other than the sound of my shoes sliding against the smooth floor. Suddenly, a wave of laughter and squeaky shoes on the freshly waxed floors disrupts the silence and I stop, knowing exactly who it is.

The brothers.

Guzmán and his shirtless brothers are dressed in their basketball gear (by gear I mean shirtless and only wearing their sneakers and shorts), entering into the hall childishly. Their skin is glistening and sweaty, hair drenched and dripping. The brother, Ander, even uses his water bottle to pour water all over himself, drenching his curly hair further. I watch in annoyance as it slides down his chest like a waterfall. His brothers snicker and he sighs in relief at the surely cool sensation of his ice cold drinking water that is now all over the floor. I don't know what to be pissed about more, seeing Guzmán smirk at me menacingly, or the fact that Ander is wasting perfectly good water to pour onto himself, and making a puddle on the freshly cleaned floors that the staff and I worked hard on cleaning!

"Um, excuse me!" I storm towards the boys who are way taller than me and they look at me like I'm a lost child.

"Your highness?" Guzmán smirks and Ander and Polo poorly hide their grins. Valerio smirks, which is dark and seductive and honestly, a bit unsettling. Everything is just a game to them it seems.

"Maybe you don't care, but the staff and I worked very hard to clean the floors of this house. Maybe show a little respect by not pouring water onto it?" I try to make my voice as kind as possible.

"Oh you mean like this?" Guzmán opens his water bottle and pours the remainder of his drink on to the floor while looking directly into my eyes. His brothers look at one another, finding amusement in my shocked expression.

"We work hard for your house you know! You can't just mess up the floors when people worked hard to manage it!" I bark at Guzmán, who is rather entertained by this tribulation.

"You're right, this is my house," Guzmán chuckles, taking a step closer to me. "Which means I can do whatever the fuck I want," He is in front of me now, eyes aglow under the pristine lighting of the hall, staring deep into my soul. I flinch and he holds a deathly glare, but I can see the delight dancing around in his eyes and lips. "And you know what else is mine? You and everyone else who works for me. Meaning whatever mess I make, you have to clean it the fuck up." Guzmán drops his empty water bottle on the ground and walks away with his brothers following after him. "Have fun!" he laughs while walking away, his brothers following after him, and also tossing their empty bottles on the ground. All except Valerio...

I stand there for a moment fighting back the tears. I bend down to retrieve the water bottles, cleaned up the mess, and ran straight into my room. Never have I felt so disrespected and humiliated in my entire life, and even worse, defeated. I'm not used to biting my tongue, but I have to if I want to make my earnings and leave a desirable impression. Just when I have gotten comfortable and about to start reading my favorite novel, The Secret History, my phone rings.

"Hello?" I croak into the phone.

"Hey, Nadia! How are you honey? Is the job going well?" It's dad. What do I tell him? That everything is going great? Or I just got madly degraded by a really attractive prick of a rich boy? Of course I go with the first option. "Everything is going fine, baba. The house is beautiful." I tell him.

"That's really good Nadia, me and your brother miss you. Omar is here, would you like to speak to him?" I think for a moment. Hearing Omar's voice would really make my day. "Yes of course, put him on the phone!" I tell him and a few seconds later I hear him.

"Hey doofus." the rough and familiar voice of Omar makes me smile.

"Hey weasel," I tease him with the nickname he detests and I hear his soft chuckles over the phone.

"I told you never to call me that," he laughs and I imagine his bright smile. I've been gone a day and I already miss my brother and baba so much.

There's a few moments of silence, nothing but our soft breathing.

"Is everything alright, Nadia?" he finally says and I wipe tears from my eyes, not allowing them to consume me.

"I'm already missing home." I admit to him.

"Give it some time, sis, you'll do great. Don't let those rich assholes best you down. You're a Shanaa. A bad bitch. You got this." Omar says and I instantly feel better.

"You're right," I wipe more tears away and exhale. "I got this."

"And," Omar lowers his voice. "Ring me up if there's any cute boys available."

"Will do," I half laugh. I guess I'll talk to you later, yeah?" I say.

"Yeah sis, I'll talk to you later. Just be cool." he says and we both hang up the phone.

I toss my phone to the side and bury my face into my book, drifting off until I finally fall asleep.

taglist: @inmyarmsyoufell @jasminejc4525 @@glamorizing @elitestan

[petunia-spliff]

"When I say "I don't like labels" I'm actually not referring to my blatant nonconformity. I mean from a young age I'd have trouble sleeping and would toss and turn in the night and find myself ripping labels off my clothes in a futile attempt to alleviate my abject discomfort. It was only recently I found out not everyone constantly feels unexplainable prickling and burning sensations everywhere on their being. When people told me they also hear the endless internal screaming in their heads', I took that as confirmation everyone also alleviate suffering from their painful tactile hallucinations through internal screaming, utilising the Freudian concept of sublimation. It's only recently I learnt this is a form of chronic neuropathic pain. I'd like to think this constant pain perpetually washing through my being in waves with no obvious troughs could excuse my substance abuse. It obviously didn't, but it was a nice thought at the time. Drugs too were nice, at the time. While I was drunk, or high, or tripping I drifted far enough from these sensations I finally felt free from the burden of constantly trying to ignore the feeling of being burnt alive by a fire that couldn't be extinguished- that is at least not without snuffing me out with it. The only other time I felt peace anything like this was when I was dreaming. Unfortunately, this meant too much of the time when I was intoxicated I'd jump to the conclusion I really was dreaming. Elana Dykewomon once wrote, "Almost every woman I have ever met has a secret belief that she is just on the edge of madness, that there is some deep, crazy part within her, that she must be on guard constantly against ‘losing control’ — of her temper, of her appetite, of her sexuality, of her feelings, of her ambition, of her secret fantasies, of her mind." and I believe she specified 'almost every woman' because I live and breath. Imagine living out your wildest fantasies, allowing yourself to absolutely lose control and waking up the next morning to find you weren't dreaming. As you can imagine I've driven away all my friends and the ones who do stay I assume only do because they're scared I'll mention them in my suicide note if they don't. Recently, I've gone sober. My skin crawls with different flavours of agony, so much so I can't sleep most nights. If I do manage to sleep I can't allow myself to enjoy my dreams. I turn up like I'm a guest in my own mind and the host has just uttered those dreadful words "Please do make yourself at home" which really means to say "Break anything and you're the one who'll be paying for it one way or another". I'm now so reserved in my dreams that I can't even drink in them. The other night I kissed a shop clerk in my dream because her eyes welcomed it and I still haven't forgiven myself for not asking for explicit permission first. The wildest dreams I have now are where I'm writing fiction novels so vividly I get lost in the worlds I create. I'm convinced I've written all of my best work in my dreams but when I wake up the content of their pages escape me. Just loose Netflix level synopses left from them accompanied with a pop up display in my mind that reads "Are you sure you'd like to save this? (Y/N)"- incredulous, mocking. This imaginary display of course has no mouth, dimension or even ability to exist independent from my mind but I'm certain it's laughing at me. I can't blame it, I would be too were I not too busy weeping at what my life has become. I find myself wishing it weren't a dream but no sooner do I retract that wish- hopes and dreams redacted. I could wish for freedom from the never ending waking nightmare but the self inflicted cigarette burns and the barcodes along my arms tell me freedom isn't always as saccharine as it sounds. When Stephen King wrote "Some birds are not meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild", I'm convinced he specified 'some' because again unfortunately I still live and breath."

~Marao's monologue from 'Suck My Toes Puny Mortals' by Robertio Murtle

[kainablue]

Hello, this is the Anon of Writing Spirit, today I'm sending out all those good good vibes, so that you may make a leap in your writing progress soon! I don't have any tips today, sometimes people just need a little support. You're doing great in your writing even if you're not where you thought you'd be! We do this writing thing one step at a time! Your work is going to be great in the end, so long as you give it the love and patience it needs! You're doing great friend!

Hello, dear Anon of Writing Spirit! Your vibes were successful! Thank you so much! And as proof, I will show you my progress for the day!

"Ever since I became an adult, my sisterly emotions toward Elemir transmuted into something more vehement and uncertain."   "My mother offered me some explanation and comfort, but warned me not to explore my feelings any further. She was the one who introduced me to romance novels."   "The elegant characters and enchanting chapters that spoke of courting and desire soothed me for a while."   "For a short while."   "I look up my stretched arm, into Elemirs dark eyes hidden behind droopy eyelids, suddenly very aware of him. Every part of him."   "Fuck."   "Elemir doesn’t look fazed at all; he takes my hand gently pulling it away from his mouth, not breaking eye contact with me even for a second."   Elemir "I will say something now..."   "To the Nav with you!"   Tayena "No."   Elemir "And you will probably want to kill me."   Tayena "I will kill you!"   Elemir "Never mind. I will accept Morana's embrace like my mother's. One more sentence, please, and then I'll leave."   "Not a good idea."   Tayena "..."   "But I stay silent."   "Elemir leans his head closer, still holding my hand in his, and a husky whisper tickles my ear."   Elemir "I swear to you under the Hrs' fair gaze, one morning, before we die, I will see your face on the pillow next to mine."   Tayena "...!"   "A silent gasp fills my mouth."   "He completely lost his mind!"   "And if his audacious statement wasn't enough, he presses his lips onto my palm, a desirous, almost lascivious stare piercing me to the core."   "The sensation sends chills run down my spine and every little hair on my body standing straight up."    "I shouldn't be feeling such pleasure, such delight."   "Damn you, Elemir..."   "Damn you..."   "He ends his gentle kiss with a smile and leaves me alone in my torturous whirlwind of emotions."