#you’re not making him the older one
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Wait gang vibe check on newsies ages (Specifically the Jacobs)
#Personally I'm a middle child Davey believer#he just gives middle child so hard I love him#I'm the youngest tho so lol#but bro gives middle child and I'll die on that hill#Sarah's the older sister who knows him like the back of his hand#Les is Les#you’re not making him the older one#that’s strange#newsies#jack kelly#jeremy jordan#david jacobs#davey jacobs#sarah jacobs#les jacobs#92sies#newsies 1992#racetrack newsies#racetrack higgins
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Mf with academic validation issues who grew up in an emotionally neglectful family gets 1 compliment once
Save my boy Deuce 🩵🩵🩵
#one piece#masked deuce#marco the phoenix#whitebeard pirates#ace novel#one piece fancomic#many ppl (including myself) find it strange how quick Deu was to accept the Whitebeards since it seems very out of character for him#now I still think it is out of character buuut#imagine you’ve been torn down socially by your bother your whole life#and your parents wanted for both of you to be doctors but he was a protogy and you were just okay#so you were torn into by all of them for that#and ran away because of it#and now you’ve been the makeshift doctor on a pirate crew for around a year. you’re having the best time but you still doubt your own skill#and then your captain gets kidnapped and you go after him#but you get kidnapped too. and you are put to work in the infirmary under one of the best doctors in the world#and then he compliments your work and he’s apparently hes a professional older brother and wants to mentor you and and and uhhhhhg#anyway Deuce’s lil sarcasm shell is very fragile and I feel like one genuine compliment could make him break down#one piece fanart#my art#op deuce#one piece deuce#marco one piece#haruta one piece#novel ace#ace novel one piece#one piece comic#digital fanart#digital sketch#art#yapping in tags
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it is literally not about legality, if you’re in your late 30s literally what are you hitting up 21 y/os for. Don’t you have investments to make.
#Astonishing number of people will jump on the ‘but it’s technically legal!’ defence#But will not answer my question of whyyyyyy. If your date sounds like PTA night and you need to parent your girlfriend#you have an age gap! And! You are the lamest loser on earth; that is fact; hope this helps!!#(Okay. Lowkey? I shouldn’t be thinking about this STILL. Given it’s been like a MONTH since#But I feel a lil let down and betrayed and I think I’m still kinda processing that… but I#I confided in my bestestest friend that an older man was creeping on me. And I expected her to have my back 100%#And idk— I think she’s just had worse experiences with men and has a higher tolerance to bad behaviour than I an asexual person do#But her response was along the lines of ‘you’re an adult; there’s no problem with it really;#can’t blame him for shooting his shot; it’s not really a weird age gap’#And worst of all— ‘maybe he just has an age kink; maybe he gets off on you being younger’#I have to say. I don’t care. The point is that I discouraged it several times and was getting increasingly uncomfortable with it#I feel like in that situation the thing to do is side with me especially when I’m telling you all this.#And like. Sigh i don’t know. I still love her with all my heart but it’s feeling a lil awkward rn#I’m still thinking about that and obviously I don’t want it to ruin the best friendship I’ve ever had#But it’s feeling a little forced right now. I expected her to have my back and for some reason her brushing this aside did make me#Feel completely invalidated and like I should just stop feeling weirded out and man up and discourage this man in words—#When the thing is there was NEVER any hint of interest. I don’t feel like I should have to dignify his behaviour in terms of interest or#Attraction. Because! I just don’t think you should be that forward with strangers repeatedly!! and if I think that’s weird then I’m sorry i#It won’t work with me! I don’t like it! I think that’s grounds enough to stop oh my god.#I’ll be seeing my bestie in a couple of weeks. Flying all the way out to England for her. I don’t want this to be awkward…#but something in me is just a lil heartbroken. Like I feel the girlcode was broken. We’ve always told each other#Not to let men affect our self worth or alter our boundaries. I feel like that was violated.#(ik she said that bc her bf at the time was 30 but like. Listen to my individual situation no? This one wasn’t about you I came for advice)#Rant
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honestly i’m still so incredibly pissed off that they made Sunfyre larger than Syrax in hotd.
like, you’re telling me Syrax, who’s thirty-three years old or possibly older (around the same age as Rhaenyra, her cradle-mate) and was large enough to ride when Rhaenyra was seven, is somehow smaller than Sunfyre, who’s twenty-five at the most and grew up in the dragon pit while Syrax has been on Dragonstone with Rhaenyra since she was sixteen??
i don’t want to hear about sexual dimorphism since it’s directly stated in the book that they couldn’t even tell if dragons had genders or not, and they only classified the dragons who had laid eggs as female.
#house of the dragon#syrax#sunfyre#anti hotd#that and the fact that they didn’t even make sunfyre GOLD.#like. the two second snippet you get to see of him in season one makes him more gold and pink than season two#the show runners just can’t let the dragons have vibrant colors huh#between that choice and the weird color muting they do in post production you’re never getting a vibrant colored dragon i guess#…i do like sunfyre’s horns though. those are cool#wish they’d put more thought into the dragon horns in general tbh. like that cgi concept for an older vermax was cool as hell…#you’re telling me vermax could’ve had cheek horns? could’ve looked like she was smiling?? that’s cool as fuck#in general though. they fucked that show up horribly
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mmm essay about sally and kid gort in the tags (cw for child abuse, mentions of suicide, animal cruelty and a murder attempt. i always hope i don’t have to say this but just in case: i don’t excuse or condone any of her or gort’s behaviour at all.) this is literally not even touching upon everything i have to say because i hit the fucking tag limit lmao. NOBODY READ IT’S BAD BRAINSTORMING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW
#thinkin too much about gortie side characters again.#sally this time and why she specifically talks about him the way she does#like dravo is obviously still shitty but to me he was. ‘just ‘neglectful#while sally actively hated and even felt terrorised by her own child#like. it’s not like i don’t understand her at all.#imagine you and your love don’t have much besides each other and your shop and you get pregnant and ready to raise a child#only for it to not be a child he didn’t and doesn’t cry ever and he learns everything so much sooner than most but then he never calls you#his parents and it’s not just a petty thing kids do sometimes you feel that he doesn’t see you as family and the worst part is that you#agree deep down#and as he gets older he doesn’t have any friends and actively rejects the notion of the entire concept#but then as time passes you hear about how he has entire groups of children following him and then several of them commit suicide#and that thing coming to sit with you and dravo at the dinner table says that he did what you did last week when the axe to chop wood broke#and you discarded it and got a new one#and he has these habits of ripping out flowers and making sure that they don’t regrow#and then you hear rumours about a friend’s daughter’s cat disappearing and think nothing of it#until you visit his tree house a month later and find a declawed cat and birds with clipped wings and crushed bugs that he keeps fondly#and then you see him with other children and they don’t know and his face is different and body language is entirely different#and were it not for the fact that you know better you would never see anything but a normal child#and you know that you are one who painstakingly brought this thing that should not be into the world and so you decide to end it all one da#and go to him as he’s asleep with the knife shaking in your hand#but he cries when you’re above him! screams at the top of his lungs!#so you beg for forgiveness even though you don’t deserve it through tears but as soon as the knife is put away you see the act drop and fee#his clever fingers having twisted your brain inside and out and you know that you can do nothing#and so the opportunity arises to at least remove him out of your life if not everyone’s lives and you take it immediately.#but you heard him talk. how he will close his fist around the world one day. and you know that it is not a matter of if but when.#like. imagine that. jesus dude.#like i hc her as someone that is messy and does not know a lot about life and she certainly wouldn’t have been a good mother but the love#or at least desire to love is there somewhere. and believing that having a child is really the only somewhat meaningful thing she can do#with her life. she’s not some hero or rich or anything of note. so there’s a lot obligation and not genuine desire for family here.#but she never really got the chance to be an actual mother in the first place so. who knows what that might have looked like
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The worst crime a version of Jekyll and Hyde can commit is be unappealing. If you aren’t anticipating the next scene no matter how unpleasant it will be then it has failed.
#one of the easiest ways to make it unappealing is make one of them annoying as fuck which is what tgs does to hyde#unpleasant as he was 31!hyde had me wanting to see more scenes with him even if they were revolting and harrowing to watch#because he was well-written and well-rounded and you could tell there was a twisted logic to what he did#all I could get out of tgs!hyde is ‘jekylls annoying little brother that doesn’t like him and farts on his hand and holds it to his face’#like even when I read and liked the comic I was like……. so when is he going to become compelling?#he never did suffice to say#I never got to see the so-called ‘depth’ of the character the fans yap about because by separating him from jekyll you’re denying him depth#suddenly he’s not a psychosexual reading of jekyll but -again- his annoying little brother that always gets away with petty crimes#you’ve typecast him as THAT which is way less interesting than older adaptations do#as much as I like to see hyde be morally complex I also want him to be acknowledged as an intelligent mature adult#even if a very fucked up and emotionally stunted one#not to mention tgs has influenced the fandom for the worse and now it’s hard to find hyde content that doesn’t paint him as it does:#an annoying little brother figure that is more aggravating than disturbing. an unappealing husk#and like. are you aware of how DIFFICULT it is to make THE Mr Hyde unappealing? uncharming? uninteresting?#and yet. and yet.
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I’m so busy that I don’t have time for things that aren’t school or work but I’m also zelda brainrotting again so I’ve just been occasionally going into my zelda of power au master doc and writing a few random paragraphs of fic in no actual order. will I ever pull these random thoughts together into an actual fic and post it? who knows. here’s some ganon content since I’ve shared basically nothing about him.
#zelda of power au#one of these days I’ll draw him I’m actually quite fond of him#14 year old triforce of courage boy keeps getting harassed by the ghost of his former self more at 11#the vibe I’m going for is like. yknow in the wizard of earth sea how ged has to confront his shadow self but it’s not about fighting#it’s about like. growth#yeah#big themes of Destiny in this#if you’re Destined to be evil are you doomed to be. what if you don’t want to be evil#also what if you have the courage piece and 14 year old stubbornness#originally he was gonna be older than zelda and link and then I was like. yknow what#ganon is so unambiguously evil in every zelda game#I think to make him sympathetic in light of that I gotta take measures. such as making him an Actual Child#desolation of hyrule#the desolation of hyrule#I don’t remember what my tags for this au are uhhh#zop au
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anyways. holding linebeck gently
#some assorted untagged linebeck thoughts tonight cuz hey why not its been a Day of ups and downs and he’s been there in my mind#sometime this month i do want to make some images of him w/ the pride flags of my hcs so general gay and then mlm and then intersex#general post ph crew rundown theres linebeck and then damien is bi and trans and bellum doesnt fucking care and link is figuring it out#so its half we got it and half man i have other things to worry about#i feel like you put linebeck and midna in a room and they are gay/lesbian buddies mlm/wlw solidarity thats what they are to me#anyways. revisited my post abt possession aftermath effects. you can probably tell i enjoy hurt/comfort/whump#smth darkly funny to me abt extremely sick and delirious linebeck and worried link kinda hanging out in his room#with link being like i bet youll be fine!!! you’re recover youre fine. and linebeck just saying kid i have rabies symptoms#anyways he lives hes fine he survives the magic squid rabies. to calm the characters nerves and my own ive decided that once hes well enoug#linebeck and link decide to visit the fairy queen to get some kinda divine checkup and to get the closure of. linebeck is fine he’s fine#nothing malicious is lingering youre good just. get some more bed rest#i do like the idea that when hes got some minor injury to the degree of some little papercur linebeck is incredibly bitchy and whatnot#and then when he’s in genuine danger of dying he’s eerily chill abt it. while recovering from possession one day when he can walk he just#chills on the deck when theres no breeze just smoking. ofc hes terrified inside but fuck if hes going to be obvious abt it (when lucid)#could tie that to his trauma n whatever ig but rn i dont have the energy to really think on it idk hes had enough bad injuries#and has found that when hes actively distressed crying out and whatnot didnt really get people to help#like its smth he learned early on his brother was there and there was just enough but like yknow. wasnt ingrained ig#thats a different thing to be lumped into the idea of him learning that its fine to be more vulnerable abt what you feel n need n want#prob smth he practices with link i mean damien is good but he needs to learn to listen instead of assume for that first bit#uhhh. earlier today i almost made a vent post but didnt but i think the gist was god i need to stop comparing other loz things to my iwn#bc it never never ends well. anyways. uhhh. came up with a possible post ph story arc for bellum n link#and decided to revive an older one with link and linebeck. post ph is really really just its own thing tbh#ofc meant to be a sorta fan sequel thing but between the disregarding of canon sequel stuff and not really adhering to the feeling n whatno#its just its own thing and i like it. ill prob delete this later
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mack and this loose child sniffed each other through the door and she did Big Hiss!!! so a set of halloween cats probably not in my future, but one of my favorite boys, something of an orange cat himself, is considering opening his heart to the orange creamsicle
#the group chat is being RUTHLESS about how hey you’re getting older it’s only going to get harder to have children 😔#yeehawing; gunshots#i could literally pick this cat up one handed and sling him in a box and im sure he will be here for some time bc my neighbor feeds him#but like hurry up and make a decision pls let’s get this man off the streets there are a very upsetting number of dead cats by the main road#the orange creamsicle
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Why did I have a sex dream about my former coworker, check his instagram to see how he’s doing and find out he has a girlfriend ☹️
#(this is the same one that has potentially hit on me several times and i felt a ✨vibe✨ with but i was also like ���he’s 20 this is weird’)#you know what sends me. she’s older than him too. AND she’s a round-faced brunette. AND she’s bi#if i needed confirmation that i’m his type……..well there it fucking is#they’ve only been together a month if the date in his insta profile is there anniversary (i’m assuming it is because it’s surrounded by#heart emojis)#i’m just. UGH. you know when you convince yourself that you don’t want someone but then you have a dream like that about them and you’re#like 😳 and then you look them up and find out this brand new development which makes you feel like you’re being tested by god#so you’re telling me if i’d made a move back in september he would’ve probably said yes. i hate it heeeere#i literally saw the photo of him with this woman and blocked him. he doesn’t message me anyway but i don’t need this negativity#i really should stick to what i know best. crushing on men my own age who don’t know i exist 👍🏻#personal#i just realised i said there instead of their i hate myelf
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Posting this since it’s scraps from an idea I had. I scrapped it since it’s redundant, and the backgrounds I want to do don’t allow for it.
The plan was to have characters stand in the background in a neutral pose, kinda like a line up so you know who’s around to be spoken to (FE Echoes style). And then when you click them, you can talk to them. However, this lends itself to a kinda panoramic view of the area you’re in, and I want to do backgrounds that give a sense of scale/a more general overview of the whole scene, so now it’s just like Ace Attorney.
Anyways, I retooled it into a character design sheet of some sort lol. And into an excuse to post a New Guy. I could infodump about him, but for now I’ll just leave it lol
#his eyes are so realistic it’s scary…sir you’re supposed to be an anime man <- me pretending I didn’t draw him#older characters tend to just Look Like This and younger ones look so moe. I hope it doesn’t clash too bad lol#oc tag: miguel#new guy!#slight infodump: he’s a necromancer from the Eostella equiv of Mexico 🇲🇽#and indigenous. so he doesn’t have day of the dead motifs#he’s literally from pre colonial times. long lived mage things#his magic is fueled by funerary rites from his time#more like informed by. his cozy rites and calm demeanor makes dead people flock to him#sidhedust art
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Rewatching Smallville? Easily the third best decision I’ve made this year
#I’m thriving. al and miles writing. Michael as Lex. the early 2000s avid editing. Lana from the perspective of an adult bc as a teen I was#like ‘she’s boring’ but as an adult in like ‘omg she’s hilarious like damn just let the girl make it through the DAY.’#every big name actor as a monster of the week as a baby in smallville (shoutout to miss Adam’s episode 10/10 and first good monster of the#week in the show love it. the opening song slaps hard as shit??? Lex Clark besties#everyone is hilarious??? Lionel at a 10. it’s so camp (extremely positive). the powers. the fact it exists. knowing what happens while goin#for round whatever??? all the terrifying situations for Clark once you’re older than he is. the fact Lex is like 21 and trying to get a 15#year old to be his friend bc he has no friends and failing it’s so fucking funny. he goes so hard to make a good impression on a teenager#and when he gets it you’re like WOOO you did it LEX!’ but you also know what he did was finally get one teenager not to hate him & youre#like ‘Lex your twenties starting pretty rough huh’ 100/10#smallville
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based on a true story
(side note, it's very euphoric drawing my kid self as a girl! i'll have to do more of this!)
Edit: this has a proper image description now, written by @disasterhimbo
thank you very much! ID below the cut and in alt text:
[ID: a comic titled “Weird Girl: a comic by Scout Forester.” It’s full-color and in a cartoon style. It opens with close-ups of each of three children’s faces, all with big eyes and open mouths, observing a praying mantis in awe. An older kid comes up to them and says, “Hey shrimps! Don’t ya know we’re playin’ boys vs. girls right now? Why’re y’all weirdos just sittin’ around? Are y’all scared? Y’all chicken?” He is depicted towering over the younger children as he says this, but in the next panel, he is much less intimidating, just standing across from them on the playground equipment. One of the children, a girl with curly red hair, replies, “Um, we don’t wanna play that. We’re busy.” Another kid says, “We’re watchin’ a prayin’ mantis here, it’s real cool.” The bully, red-faced and sweaty with a red explosive background behind him, yells, “Sh-shut up! I’m big and you’re small, so I can make you play with me!” The redheaded girl looks at him inscrutably.
The next two panels are larger, with a black background. The redheaded girl closes her eyes. When she opens them again, she looks righteously angry, and only her eyes are in color. Next to her is a bust of a dinosaur with lightning bolts striking the dinosaur’s portrait. She says determinedly, “spirit of the pachycephalosaurus.” In a tiny panel, a simply-drawn version of the bully says, “wait, wha-” The last panel is the biggest, and depicts the redheaded girl headbutting the bully and knocking the wind out of him with a comic-book style, all-caps “wham!” The praying mantis is perched on the bars of the playground equipment and the sun is shining behind both kids, giving a dramatic lighting effect. End ID.]
#comedy#humor#comic#autistic artist#trans artist#childhood memories#childhood#weird little girl#pachycephalosaurus#dinosaurs#actuallyautistic#actually autistic#queer
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outgrowing characters is the weirdest thing
#like age I mean. I’m thinking abt check please again it comes back periodically#but like I read this comic the first time when I was what. 15? how the hell was it that long ago??#I was either 14 or 15 bc I can’t remember exactly where I started and the update I’m pretty sure I finished with when I read it would make#me 14 and that’s just. what the hell. that can’t be right#AND that would mean I’ve been with these characters for 7 fucking years now. HOW has it been 4 years since the comic ended#but man like my point is I started off reading this when I didn’t honestly understand what college was and these were adults#I’m now older than dex ever gets in canon. the comic ends when he’s a junior.#having the framework of bitty’s story has been wild as I go through uni honestly. I’ve been matching stuff up as I go and he’s obviously#a fictional character in an idealised story but it’s still a personal story and a reflection on college anyway yknow. i#it’s been really nice to hold it as I go through#but god being a little older than the characters now makes it feel different#especially bc like. my feelings have changed. stuff got better or different or worse but it’s not like how it used to be when I got into it#and first met all these characters and fell in love w the story and the way I look at it has changed#and MAN they’re kids!! I’m rereading my favourite fic (potentially just. favourite fic. full stop. love made visible - likeshipsonthesea)#and I’ve read the first chapter when they’re freshmen and like! that’s such a specific time! you’re a baby still!!#I’m sure I’m gonna come back and feel the same way abt myself rn in a few years#idk! rereading this I just can’t help but map my own experience of college onto it now and it makes it read so differently#I think I’m also just having feelings about being a different person now than I used to be. trying to figure out how I feel abt him#anyway william dex poindexter I love you. this story is going to make me insane and I GOTTA write one of these fics I have knocking around#luke.txt
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Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley, who from the moment he laid eyes on you, has only ever referred to you as his wife
You, this sweet little thing, running through the halls on base one day when you turn a corner and nearly run headfirst into the Lieutenant, who’s walking alongside Soap
“Oh! Sorry about that, sir.” You told him, never slowing down in your hurried pace as you snuck around his large frame and continued down towards whatever you were evidently late for
The only reason his gaze had followed your retreating form, was that unlike everyone else, you had met in his eyes when you spoke, even smiled warmly up at him
That one smile and he was done for
“Who was tha’?” The sergeant had questioned, seeing Ghost’s attention still fixated on you.
“Think that was my wife.”
“Yer what?!”
Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley, who makes it a point to let everyone know that you are in fact his wife
Well, everyone apart from you apparently
He would certainly never abuse his position as a Lieutenant, but some new recruit had the audacity to whistle at you as you walked by? Well 100 laps around the base don’t exactly run themselves
Another soldier saved you a seat next to him in a briefing? He can enjoy scrubbing toilet seats for the next week in that case
Someone actually had the bollocks to ask you for your phone number? Perfect, he needed a volunteer for demonstrating hand to hand combat to the recruits, medics on standby of course
By the time he properly introduces himself to you for the first time, it’s understood by everyone else around that you are, for all intents and purposes, Mrs Riley
Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley, who listens to you tell him your name in a voice that resembles music to his ears, hardly bothering to remember your last name, seeing as it’ll be changing soon enough anyway
“You can call me anythin’ you want, love.” His deep, gravelly voice had sent shivers down your spine, cheeky smirk widening beneath his mask. “So long as you call me, that is.”
By the end of your first date, (you were sitting alone in the dining hall and he wordlessly joined you what do you mean this isn’t a date) he’s wondering if you’ll insist on a ceremony or if he can sweep you away to the nearest courthouse and make this official, slipping a ring onto you finger and his cock into you
You had laughed when he put his number into your phone and named himself ‘Husband’, certain that the man was only messing with you, some kind of hazing that you apparently weren’t aware Lieutenants played on the new communications hire, but it was only fair seeing as he’d saved your contact under ‘Wife’
Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley, who is over the moon every time you play along, even if he knows you believe you’re only playing
“Ach, thanks Lt. Just what I needed.” Soap said, seeing Ghost’s approaching form enter the common room, holding a steaming cup of tea in each hand
“S’for my wife. Get your own.” The older man gruffly replied, sliding the mug onto the side table next to where you’re curled up on the couch, reading a book
“Aw, thank you honey.” You giggled, smiling up as him with an expression he thinks would taste even sweeter than honey if he were to run his tongue across your upturned lips
“Happy wife, happy life, sergeant.” Ghost shrugged, ignoring the other man’s pout, landing next to you and reaching an arm behind you across the back of the couch
“God, maybe I really should keep you.” You’d laughed, reaching a leg out to dig your socked toes into his muscled thigh, teasing him
Grasping your foot into his large, strong hands, he began massaging it, uncaring that you were only two of the many people in the common room, not when you looked at him like that, smiling together as though you truly were nothing more than a married couple
Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley, who surprised you one day, insisting he needed your help with something crucial off base, and drove you to a local shopping outlet to look at none other than dresses
“Is there some sort of party happening?” You’d questioned, confused out of your mind
“Suppose you could consider it a party.” He’d answered, leading you through the many racks of dresses, you noticed were all, very conveniently, white
“Now while you’re lookin’ through dress sizes,” he’d added, taking your left hand in both of his. “You know your ring size? Got my own shoppin’ to do ‘round here.”
Series masterlist
#call of duty#call of duty fanfic#call of duty fic#simon riley#simon ghost riley#cod fanfic#ghost x reader#simon ghost x reader#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#cod simon riley#simon ghost riley x reader#simon fluff#simon ghost riley x you#cod simon ghost riley#ghost x you#ghost fanfic#call of duty ghost#ghost cod#ghost
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age gap autumn girl fuck you
#laid down on his bed he asks if i’m alright with him locking the door i say should i be afraid of you locking the door he rolls his eyes#i’m watching a pot on his stove we’re alone in his apartment he’s standing right behind me and i look at the glass of his kitchen window#so i can catch his reflection he’s just standing there waiting for his vegan pasta his meatless dish but i still feel like prey this#weekend i shared a hotel room with the kids they came over at night to watch a game and they’re all cuddled up around me they’re all#laughing and laughing and laughing and telling me about their exes and their boyfriends and i’m under the arm of one of them and he says#kitty kitty you’re going to fall off the bed i rest my head on another’s calf and she says kitty your hair is so soft and they’re all#laughing#i keep this in my drafts and a month after it's freezing at night i'm looking up at a man that might be fifty or at least forty five i#ask his name which i don't remember now because i was plastered. i was so drunk i tell him mister whatever-his-name was you're so handsome#and he blushes like i'm the one chasing him and that's because i am. i am laughing with all of my teeth out. he giggles pretty like i've#spent years doing and i ask him what is it sir what is it and he says i'm not usually told that and i nudge a little more i say you don't?#how? you're so handsome i say it in the way they all taught me in the way i've heard it before i keep going until he leaves for his place#but he doesn't invite me back because it's clear i've made him uncomfortable so i frown a little and lean back towards the boy i made out#with the night before i tell him huh old guy won't fuck me and he laughs he says so you really like them older i say yeah i laugh#i laugh and then i say but they don't seem to like me anymore he makes a joke about me having cut my hair short and i say no it's because#i'm too old for them now and he shakes his head do you see how fucked up that is he tells me and i just laugh harder but don't tell him it#is the truth. but not the whole of it. the rest of the truth is in me prowling through the bars another night and making eyes at them#instead of baring my neck when they come at me it's in me growing into a man in the steel of elevators and their sheets in the ac of their#offices and the heat of their cars and outgrowing them not to turn away from them but to become them that salivating beast they all are#all of us are i lean back on walls and show them a hip a boot-ed-on foot that is still small a wrist that is still thin a jaw that still#won't grow fuzz but don't they see right through they see right through this too small costume i've put on for them in the same way i#used to swear i saw through them too i swore i saw them for what they were but without even noticing they've done what they do in movies#and books and songs and middle-school health classes like in every warning that was given to me but here in this far away country i just#laugh and laugh harder when he says it makes sense though i mean i'm older than you too and he's only 24 and he says it so boyishly#almost with a pout and i cackle and he laughs too and there we are and we sound like children there in the street
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