#especially bc like. my feelings have changed. stuff got better or different or worse but it’s not like how it used to be when I got into it

[exopelagic]

outgrowing characters is the weirdest thing

[bigtittiecomitte]

So I’ll explain about my last post

Honestly there are two characters that I was thinking of when I made it and that’s Doll and V

They’re good characters but there is one issue that I see people overlook or just excuse

Doll - For Doll it’s about her wanting to avenge her parents. Which is not what I’m talking about, I’m more talking about how far she went to make that her goal. She wants to kill V to avenge her parents, that’s her goal but a bunch of drones got hurt and even killed because of Doll’s obsession with killing V. I don’t see a lot of people talk about that but I always wondered why the heck she even thought to kill those drones at prom that were just running away. Her goal at the start was to kill V but it ended with her probably killing V and many others

V - V’s definitely the character I mostly think of when someone mentions a fanbase that would excuse bad actions. This one I’m talking about is especially her relationship to N and her trauma

So people probably already know that I’m obsessed with puzzling N and V’s relationship just bc of how complicated it is but also how it’s the most perfect example of being in love with someone who changed and you might not like those changes

I see a lot of people excuse her behaviour towards him sometimes I don’t think people even remember just how bad she treated him

Just a list of the things that she did to N throughout the series so far

1. Pretending to not know who he is, even to the point where he thought that she didn’t even know his name

2. Wanting to literally kill him in the pilot

3. Letting J abuse him (for this one it’s not clear on what it was like before Uzi showed up but judging by the scene where Uzi leaves, you can see that she let J abuse him)

4. Making remarks that would make him feel even worse (mental abuse?)

5. Beheading him

6. Insulting him

7. Physically assaulting him

8. Ignoring him (which could also be apart of Number One but even then she still ignored him throughout the series)

9. Trying to kill the one drone that he cares so much about

10. Keeping secrets from him and just not communicating at all

Yeah that’s pretty much it maybe but I always see people excuse this as her protecting him

The difference between N and V is that V remembers everything that happened in the mansion while N didn’t. It’s why with how V treated her trauma, N and V could never be in a relationship again

V has trauma and that is something that’s pretty clear but yet again it doesn’t give her an excuse to be like this to someone that she cares about because that will just drive him to go to someone else who treats him better than she has ever since in the mansion

People who excuse her behaviour towards him as just being protective doesn’t understand that and doesn’t understand that hurting your loved ones and hiding stuff from them is something that’s really harmful for your relationships

It’s the reason why I absolutely loved N snapping at her in Episode 4 because while a lot of people have said that N went too far I beg to differ

Not only did N have the absolute right to stand up for himself after being mistreated so long but it’s also an important scene for not only V’s character development but also N’s. That scene gave V a realisation on that if she continues treating him the way she has then N will not be bothered to be around her anymore now that he has Uzi

V’s not a villain absolutely not, she’s just someone who went through a bunch of trauma and didn’t know how to treat that but it still doesn’t give the right to do what she did to N because they all went through the same thing it’s just that V remembers it and N should never feel like he didn’t matter because he does, everyone does

V obviously does care about N and he does for her but they’ve both changed, quite literally. It’s why they can never go back to being those silly worker drones that were in love with each other because people change and it’s ok to be uncomfortable with that

Let’s hope that if V does live then N and V can talk it out and actually be friends, no romance whatsoever, just friends because them having a romance now will just make them miserable

On Tiktok I saw a bunch of people say that N and V should be together bc they’ve known each other longer but that’s not how romantic relationships should be

It should be on how healthy it is and how it would affect your mental and emotional well-being not how long you’ve known someone for

Anyways that’s my explanation on it all boobies

[aroace-poly-show]

also a thing for you if you ever want to ramble about hw- what's emu's story for this? how did she get into illustration, and how did she meet the troupe?

RAUGH I ALWAYS WANT TO RAMBLE AND IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS TY FOR ASKING!!!! also took a while this time my bad man. the route my bus takes has very very shit internet so i couldn’t continue my draft during my ride 💔

anywayyy. good lord this is fucking long. im sorry.

for emu, i’m still figuring stuff out with her, but i’ve been thinking about her a lot more recently, and so far what i’ve got is that she has a little bundle of issues including grief over her grandpa, toxic positivity and not letting herself feel negative emotions properly, some internalized hatred of herself and how childish she is following an argument w shosuke, and generally feeling kinda lost, like the rest of hw, after wonder stage closed bc she doesn’t know what to do w/o shows. yknow.

so like. she still has her whole thing w/ her grandpa. and she while she wasn’t doing the *best* she wasn’t doing that bad in the mental health department. still wasn’t letting herself like. grieve properly. but she wasn’t the worst. she performed a lot on wonder stage and knew that the stage was in danger of being closed down, so she tried really hard to keep it from happening. but the actors for wonder stage began to leave as time went on and the ones who stayed didn’t really get why she was so persistent in keeping this stage open when the others in the park were better and shit. and she didn’t have much help. so unfortunately despite her best efforts wonder stage was kinda doomed for closure. butttt she’s not giving up yet. so she tries to convince her brothers to not close it, or at least to just give her some more time. which Does Not Go Well. shosuke gets real frustrated with her and starts yelling and shit. and while keisuke shuts him down once he gets too heated. well. it’s kinda too late. with what he said about her being childish and demanding that she just grow up already and stuff like that, my girl takes that to heart. and then with the official closure of wonder stage…yeah…she’s not doing the best…

emu’s grief here is made worse w/ the wonder stage closure. cause like. that was her and her grandpa’s favorite stage. girl feels like she failed him. she loved that stage. she loved doing shows there. it was something she had to remind her of her grandpa. and now it’s closed. :(

since then she’s been. different. like it’s just barely noticeable to a lot of people but she’s definitely changed. she smiles and acts cheery and seems like her usual self but like. her smile isn’t quite the same. she’s not quite as talkative. she avoids her brothers a lot more. and her brothers have noticed btw and they both feel AWFUL. especially shosuke. they done fucked up and they know it.

also like technically she could keep doing shows, after all theres the other stages in pheonix wonderland, and she has experience in doing shows + is related to the people who literally own the place so it wouldn’t be hard for her to join one of those stages. but she doesn’t bc after all that, she thinks her goal of just wanting to bring smiles to people is childish. shows make her so so happy but she thinks it’s immature and naive of her to still want to pursue that, especially considering she failed last time. it’s a silly and childish path to pursue, and she needs to pull her head out of the clouds and grow up already, like her brother says. so despite loving shows with all her heart, she gives up on doing them. but since shows are so important to her, she doesn’t rlly know what to do without them, so that’s where that feeling lost stuff comes in. yknow.

for her art, i just think she enjoyed art in general, and with her grief and the wonder stage closure it helped her cope. i have a very specific idea in my head of her style. but i cant remember the artist here on tumblr that i think she does art like. if i can remember their name i will though. i might actually do a post dedicated to what i think her art style is like….

not set in stone just yet, but what i’m thinking for the original meet up is that she meets nene first. nene does music and emu finds it, and it gives her some inspiration for some art. she posts it and credits nene’s music as what inspired her, and nene is so fucking honored. through some light encouragement from rui nene gets the courage to dm emu to tell her thank you, and they start chatting!! they get along pretty well and emu starts making art for nene’s music. eventually rui has the idea to start animating them, so they can make music videos for the songs, and boom hw gets its beginnings online.

this happens before wonder stage closure btw. when it does close, emu disappears from their group chat for a bit. she comes back like nothing happens and while she doesn’t tell them what happened, they both notice she doesn’t talk about what shows shes doing anymore, or shows in general. nene and rui are both very sad at this btw. seeing emu have so much love for shows and be able to talk about them like she did was really nice, so to see her stop with that and seemingly not enjoying shows anymore after something happened, just like they did, it sucks. :(

anyway i think my timeline is like. during nene’s last year of middle school when she transfers to home schooling, she starts doing music -> everything i just mentioned here happens -> eventually they meet tsukasa, and he joins the group -> hollow ☆ wonderland does its thing as a group for a while -> main story shit happens. yeah. 👍

uhhhh. dear god i’m so bad at explaining my thoughst. augh. i hope this made some amount of sense. and that i wasn’t too repetitive lsajdkhfgyfdhsj. anyway miscellaneous emu thingies now.

like i mentioned, wonder stage hasn’t been replaced yet, it’s just closed down and sectioned off. so emu still visits it all the time. there is nothing being done to maintain it. so it is absolutely unsafe. but does emu care. no. girlie wants to disappear and while she’s not *planning* on dying, if she had to die anywhere she wouldn’t mind if it was at wonder stage. she draws there a lot.

a lot of her drawings are traditional!! with lots of bright colors and crayons and colored pencils. she has lots of fun drawing.

this applies to non-au emu as well but she has gifted stickers to all her friends. nene’s synthesizer is covered in them.

wonder stage was closed off at sunset. btw. just to give her another reason to hate sunsets.

[shirtlessradfahrer]

warning cringe venting/rambling about stress and trip planning and hair under the cut

I had a total breakdown after work yesterday

like...dry heaving sobbing into my knees on the floor kind of breakdown

not about the hair…ok yes it was about the hair but not entirely, I've been stressed about a lot of things and the hair change was just what finally set the emotional bomb off

I've had a crapload of anxiety about my trip for weeks (which looking back now I've definitely been suppressing too much, and that was a mistake) bc it's my first time flying/traveling alone, and overseas to boot

Thinking about stuff like, will I forget some crucial papers/tickets/passwords etc and be unable to do fun stuff, will I have a panic attack on the flights despite my meds, will I have some freak accident and end up in hospital over there, will my cat still like me when I get back, will I fit in with enough of his other fans. Will i come back the same person or changed for the better, or for the worse...they all scare me equally.

And I worked my fucking ass off in order to be able to afford everything I'm going to do without going into a ton of debt. Which really did a fucking number on me mentally.....but for almost a year I've told myself it would all be worth it, bc I'd be overwhelmed with joy when I *finally* see that beautiful bowlcut boy in front of me, just as I was filled with joy when I first saw him peeking out of that box

I planned my trip under the loose assumption that the album would be out (or almost out) by this point and I'd be able to celebrate that with people. I got even more excited for this after Böle bc I figured that was the template for everything going forward, and I loved everything I saw-I loved the staging, I loved the new songs, I loved his outfit, I loved the almost bird-esque styling he was doing with the front of the bowlcut

But now....I don't know what the actual fuck he's doing.

I'll be on the (first) plane in a little less than 48 hours and I just feel like the universe is playing some sick joke on me - in less than a week he's gone from someone I would abandon feminism for (I joke) to Some Guy I would be actively avoiding at public events (based on a few unfortunate past experiences with individuals who resembled this, not entirely a joke). Not his fault, I know, and nothing to do with his actual personality of course, which I’m *well aware* is lovely. But that's my reality 🤷🏻‍♀️ and it’s incredibly jarring and not in a good way, and sure as hell not at a good time

And as I said it’s not just about the hair, I feel sick thinking about how much time and money and effort I've put into planning things - esp. gig outfits which I was basing off of the purple/green suit.....and I don't even know if there was any point to that now, bc is he even going to wear it? Again, not specifically *his* fault. But I’m miffed, to say the least.

It feels so incredibly rare these days that I can share a deeply passionate long-term interest with others. I feel like this whole...thing has been a perfect example of how much I struggle with FOMO....with feeling like I'm always left behind. And even when I try my hardest to catch up I can never quite make it before people have moved on to something different.

I know my reaction seems way over-dramatic to some but I just gently ask that you imagine how I feel watching countless people essentially drop by Finland on their free weekends or time off to see him once, or twice, or three times, or five times, or twenty freaking times over the past year, while I’ve had to move heaven and earth for the chance to see him even once (and I'm not trying to generalize, I know for various reasons a lot of you have also been unable to see him still, and I really hope that changes soon <3 especially if you *do* like this look)

The point is that I just wanted to experience the “classic” Kä ONCE! I didn't even plan on going to multiple shows until it became a thing for Summer Camp!! Just ONCE! He could copy the Daltons and go bald after that for all I care!!

He's 100% allowed to style himself however he wants - if I weren't in the *very particular situation* I'm in I'm sure I would be more open to the change although I still hate this particular shade of blonde and think there are much better options but whatever.But I’m allowed to be disappointed when I’ve spent literal thousands of dollars-and will be spending more-to make seeing him a reality. I've had so much bad luck and bad timing already this year and this just took the freaking cake. And again that's not *his* fault, I know. But fuck, am I sad. I just wanted something, anything to go according to plan for me this year.

I know I'll still have a great time - I'm excited to meet and hang out with everyone, and I'm excited to do touristy things and I’m still excited for all the great music I’m going to hear. I'm just venting now bc I don't want to be such a downer when I meet everyone in person.

....now watch me completely clown myself if this really is just for Traffic and he goes back to black in a couple weeks - and I will so very happily wear that clown suit lmao, you can all buy me one if you find one

[ohbo-ohno]

How do you write fanfiction without going ooc?

Personally I think you're the best cod writer, I'm considering writing some fan fiction but I'm scared the characters arent in character

"best cod writer"??? when i haven't posted in like a month?? oh babe we are getting MARRIED ilysm thank you <3

im actually like fucking terrible at giving advice (i am not a well spoken person lmao) but i can talk At you for a bit about this!!!

grasping a character's voice is actually like. deeply difficult, and it's maaaaybe the thing i struggle with most when writing (or at least one of the things lmao). especially bc literally every single writer has a different voice for every character, so you have to find what works best for your story and your style. your ghost shouldn't look/sound exactly like someone else's ghost, because he's yours, yk?

that also being said - things that are ooc to me aren't necessarily ooc to someone else. the ghost in my mind would never let you call him a cheesy pet name like "sisi", but that doesn't mean that someone else's ghost wouldn't, yk? and to them, they're in character! so you've kinda got to decide what you think being in character is, if that makes any sense

i read a looooot of fanfiction before i started writing my own cod stuff. i've only watched the full campaign once, but i've read what's probably dozens of fics lmao - my ghost and soap are an amalgamation of the things i enjoyed most in other people's fics. think about the things that you love the most in your favorite fics, and see if you can replicate that tone/vibe

i also think that getting a character's Voice is a lot more than just dialogue. i write in either second person or third person limited, but for the sake of this i'll talk a bit about third person limited

if i'm writing smth like i'll eat you whole, im technically writing from johnny's perspective, right? so i don't write his internal monologue in his accent, but i do use certain adjective he would - like instead of describing ghost as "broad" or "hulking", i said he's "a big motherfucker" bc that's how i think johnny would talk. this doesn't matter nearly as much with second person, but letting johnny's voice float into the internal monologue helps keep me in the right headspace for the fic. it's easier for me to maintain his voice if i never really let it go, yknow what i mean?

also i know this sounds sooo stupid but i think a big part of writing in character is literally just thinking "can i see them saying this? would a person like this do this?"

like. okay. ghost is a 6'4 special forces lieutenant who is willing to do literally anything if it means completing his mission. he's a big man with an even bigger reputation. can you see him begging for your forgiveness at the slightest argument? can you see him stuttering on a first date?

and soap is an incredibly accomplished sergeant who's set records in the military, he's a demolitions expert and a skilled sniper with a hell of a temper. can you see him giggling? can you see him crying when his girlfriend is mad at him?

sometimes making sure you're not writing ooc is as simple as "They Would Not Fucking Say That", and as unhelpful as it is, that's literally just based on vibes

is any of that coherent at all?? i genuinely don't know. hope i didn't make things worse! ily!

(also just as general writing advice - practice!!! don't post everything you write!! i cannot tell you how many things i've written will never see the light of day, but all my little failures in writing have given me a better grasp on the characters, yk? you have to do badly and recognize what's bad before you can be super happy with your writing. write something and then focus on exactly what feels off to you, and change only that. idk. maybe im spouting bullshit)

[rodeodeparis]

oda headacanons masterlist 

not a mandarin-speaker; maybe hokkien/a wu dialect (ik my friend likes toying with him being wenzhouese) ? regardless his mandarin is shit but he can understand it well enough to get by⁰*

the other guys in the bats speak in similar dialects, they all met through the previous gang they were in, but most of them are considerably better at mandarin than he is

got around to understanding mandarin mostly from work/life experience

tachibana and oda usually speak to each other in japanese, or tachibana will say something in mandarin and oda will respond in japanese

he got to the name “jun oda” because it’s a translation/transliteration of his chinese name

“oda” coincidentally had characters that sound like “weitian”, which in his case is spelled differently (尾田 is a common japanese surname but reads like a japanese name in the same way “pierre” reads like a french name)

also got to “jun” because it sounds like “chen”. his surname (he uses 純 for jun which is “chun” in chinese, chen>chun>jun?)

realistically i’m pretty sure this is just writers deciding on a japanese name before a chinese one and choosing common japanese names for him

generally an insecure person with a tendency to compensate

tachibana has [slightly] more chest hair than him and he’s insecure about it

also has trouble growing facial hair, he can keep his stubble for months w/o it changing much

considers himself to be short despite being like 6′ something because he’s seen a few guys taller than him like once

consistently worries tachibana will stop liking [slash loving] him someday despite the fact that he literally lost his arm to save his life. this got a lot worse after the documentary

tachibana is not very expressive/showing of affections in the way oda is and oda still isn’t 100% used to it

“city boy” who grew up in bad conditions & with abusive/neglectful parents which more or less gave him an easy transition into involvement w/ gangs 

not necessarily a headcanon but he gives me only child vibes in the “your mom died giving birth to you” sort of way

i feel like the attitude he has towards tachibana of “putting him on a pedestal” (for lack of a better term) speaks to some sort of difficulty in thinking about relationships in a non-conditional way

i also think he has this relationship w/ his past, see below

came to japan before 1976 (he was a stowaway, so...) at 17/18

open about his past up to a certain point (and especially not after the documentary). leaves gaps that sometimes tachibana can find out on his own and other times are ominously absent, very contrary to tachibana being 100% open w/ him (& the other bats)

(cw sex trafficking/sexual assault ??? )  the way both he and makoto phrased it makes it sound like it was a deal where he was tasked with finding women & sending them somewhere specific (to put it lightly), sort of a middleman? since he was involved w/ gangs it makes the most sense to me

(cw 2) i’m undecided about whether he continued trafficking with the bats

he absolutely feels remorse for what he did, especially after meeting tachibana, and even moreso after the documentary

i think it was in a similar sort of step to tachibana in that he was repressing the remorse/trying not to think about it but after the documentary he couldn’t ignore it anymore

in our modern lgbt parlance he would be considered “bi”, but if you asked him he would be very confused because he doesn’t think about stuff like that very much. have not decided if i think he’s trans or not yet

was masc 4 masc in the strict proto-instagram gay “hunks only” way before meeting tachibana. his type for women is similarly gendered (big tits long hair etc) but that hasn’t really changed

(if cis) whenever he found tachibana was trans he had the normal cis person questions but it didn’t really shock him too much bc he’d seen and slept with trans women before. ultimately it didn’t affect the way he viewed tachibana, and it’s not like he would reject tachibana in any way for any reason lol

sex wise he and tachibana switch but tachibana is the more “dominant” one with a bad habit (which started mainly when oda started being more distant) of giving into what oda wants bc he likes keeping him close 

like how tachibana isn’t expressive he is also silent during sex. like not a peep. he has to consciously think of things to say. oda isn’t 100% used to that either

not neurotypical. idk how but he isn’t

some sort of writing/speech/language-related learning disability? (dyslexia?)

uh misc

black and white thinker. not introspective at all. nothing is “maybe” with this guy. arguably canon

and tachibana isn’t and his clothes are black and white and oda’s are colorful and

scared of thunder***

the way he dressed seems to me like the equivalent of someone with only 80s clothing at their disposal trying to dress in a 70s fashion. may be inspired by older movies/stars? 

color and pattern-matching tended to not get too out of hand for more mainstream/trendy stuff but was a little more bold-colored and tastefully mismatched in the 70s

if only he’d lived seven more years...

big big big versace guy. if not versace then versace-esque clothes. loves that 80s color-blocking patterns thing

annoying to go to the movies with because he talks the whole way through and asks questions that could be answered by just watching the movie

got a woman pregnant once at a one night stand. not paying child support or anything like that. no interest in being involved in the child’s life at all***

tachibana knows (oda never told him, he found out on his own) and is ambivalent about it

⁰ - i’m not fluent and can only know stuff through looking it up so please correct me if anything is wrong/weird. for the name thing most of these are based off of mandarin pronunciations so it could be off base

* - taken from chinese fans & friends

*** - taken from fics i read on pixiv

[rev3rb]

Hi! I actually read the new chapter on Saturday, but despite thinking on it for two days I just couldn’t come up with anything to comment on lol. I feel like this chapter was just a review that somehow transferred Mika and Yuu’s confusion to me. I thought original Mika’s soul was def in present Yuu but ig that’s still up for debate? And when it comes to the goal of resurrecting the angels, wouldn’t that also mean resurrecting some if not all humans since they were created with angel souls? Man this reincarnation stuff gets tricky. I did appreciate how it’s highlighting a focus on sacrifice/punishment and desire/obsession. Can these things be avoided? Should they be?

Anyways, I am curious to know what you thought and if you have any predictions on what the plan is. I feel like you have a better grasp on more characters and their motivations bc you read Cat16. Like when Mahiru was mentioned as a player I realized that I truly don’t know what she wants in the grand scheme of things.

P.s. I was having trouble with my asks going through, so I don’t think you got my follow-up to your response last month. Basically it boiled down to theorizing if the Yuu orb is sentient and whether og Mika’s soul was created by taking a part of the orb like it did to act as Mikaela. In which case, they’d share an original soul that is supposedly hidden from God

First, I’m going to address the PS and say sorry again I missed that message! That response is out so I’ll just let that speak for that portion of this ask. Now the rest of this.

Oh I completely understand. To be honest, I think this chapter was a big waste of space for the most part. I think your summation of this chapter just being review that made things more confusing is perfect. I’m incredibly disappointed and hoped we were past these kinds of chapters. ESPECIALLY since the last chapter ended with a flashback that is YET AGAIN going nowhere for the time being. Instilling intrigue into your story is fine, but to again and again taunt the audience with answers only to snatch those answers away time and time again gets irritating. You can only yank the audience around for so long before they determine that it’s not worth it. Sure we EVENTUALLY get the answers, but that doesn't change the fact that we're getting yanked around. That we're promised interesting bits of story only to have it ignored until Kagami decides it's relevant again.

It all felt pointless!! How do you, not but two chapters ago (last chapter even!!), straight up have one of the characters say “I am Mikaela” only to have him contradict that now? I get Yu isn’t supposed to be the sharpest tool in the shed, but we were told outright via flashback that Yu and Mika were supposed to trade names/roles in order to hide Mikaela’s intentions. Why would that suddenly not be the case now?? It IS confusing, but I feel like having Yu and Mika sit down and talk about it like they did here just made things worse in that regard? I’m not entirely sure what Kagami was hoping to accomplish here with that.

Now the angels vs humans resurrection thing? That at least felt like it had merit in being brought up. It IS confusing and I’m honestly not sure I would even know where to begin with that one. I think it, along with the “who is Mika and who is Yu” question, boils down to “what defines who a person is?” Is it the memories and experiences that they have or is it whatever the original form was? Does the fact that the current humans identify as humans and only have experience as humans make them human, so that’s how they should be revived, OR does the fact that they were originally angels mean that they’re angels and should be revived as such? It’s a deep philosophical question that I think could make for interesting debate. I’m sure everyone has slightly different opinions on it. I don’t think OnS will properly explore how interestingly deep that question truly is unfortunately, but I think it’s cool it’s present.

I too appreciate that the story is acknowledging this cycle of desire/obsession and sacrifice/punishment. I think it’s the heart of the story and one of the big draws of it. Maybe it’s getting a bit old since pretty much every character except maybe a couple fit in here, but it’s interesting. It HAS to stop somewhere and our protagonist being the one to stop it is just obviously how the story will go, and given that Yu and Mika are ALSO part of that cycle (even still I would say) it could make for an interesting dilemma. We’ll have to see if Yu (or Mika) is put into a situation where he has to let go of something to finally end the cycle or if they’ll be able to just push through and get everything they want without punishment, therefore ending the cycle (I feel this is more likely). It’ll be interesting to see how it plays out.

I have absolutely no idea what the plan will be. Team up with all parties and defeat God to ensure they can’t be punished? That’s the best shot in the dark I got. Could be completely wrong though. After all, even though Sika Madu and Guren have essentially the same goal, they're kinda wanting to revive people as two different things. It ties back to that philosophical question I brought up earlier. I would think this would cause them to have conflicting goals, but maybe it won't.

Yeah of all the characters, Mahiru has been the worst in terms of her character being explained here in the main story. Her ultimate goal is pretty simple I’d say? She doesn’t wanna be anyone’s pawn since she was essentially raised to be Sika Madu’s host or whatever. She wants to live her life how she wants to live it, to fall in love and be a simple girl. Don't you think were asking for all that though so sorry if you weren't. Thought I'd throw it out there though just in case.

Ultimately, this chapter disappointed me and while I did write a fair amount here, I don't know if there's really all that much to say about it? I'm not as mad as I think I might come off here. It's just, again, disappointment, which is a shame since I think there have been some good things in the previous chapters.

[tennelleflowers]

Rewriting “The Power of Three”-The Sight (text version)

Okay, I said I would attempt to organize a written version of my rewrite here for you guys, so here it goes! I know it’s been a while and I should’ve done this much sooner, but it’s just a lot to organize and go through. A lot of my ideas were written over several different docs before they went into the final script, so this will be an attempt to show you guys what I took down for notes, what I wanted to change/fix/explore, and then what I wrote in the end.

I’m gonna break this up by book because this is already gonna be long. Of course if you just wanna hear all of it, go watch my video: https://youtu.be/D0G_40Q4A_o

I know I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Feel free to use any of my ideas to write your own fanfic or whatever. I have 0 plans to ever actually write this, so have at it. My video was my way to talk about my frustrations with the arc and where I would’ve liked to see it go instead.

I also want to emphasize that my main goal with these “Rewriting” videos is to try to stay AS CLOSE to canon as I can, while still finding ways to make the books more enjoyable (to me, at least). Which was a huge challenge for this series because, to be frank, not a lot happens, and a lot of the things that do happen don’t add up to much. And that’s a big problem. So I had to invent more exciting scenarios/explanations of events to build to a climax that I felt would still be in the spirit of the original books and lead into Omen of the Stars without much changing. Of course, my version of PoT does end up making some big splashes to the canon by the end of it, but I think overall it is still in line with the general themes the arc presented us.

Let’s get started with some of my original notes when going into this rewrite for ‘The Sight’: 

Rewriting PoT

Goals/Things to keep in mind:

-Keeping the 3 as POV’s for each book. It’s their story, so Jay, Holly, and Lion should get equal development and screen time. Always ask: How does this make x character grow? How does this change their group dynamic? How does x’s growth affect the world around them? If I can’t answer these questions about each of them, I need to think about it more.

-Find a way to tie each story together by the end. Most books will be structured with the three feeling isolated or separated from each other, but the end should find a way to bring them back together: for better or worse. Each book should also feel like a milestone in them becoming more powerful. They need to level up at a consistent rate.

-Moving the plot forward quicker, with Long Shadows/Sunrise happening mid series

-Hollyleaf being “evil” for the second half of the arc, with Sol as the main antagonist

-Make Sol an interesting antagonist, somehow

-What the fuck am I going to do with the Tribe stuff for this arc??? Hhh…I’ve got plans for it in OotS, but I think scrap all but the bare minimum of it in this arc and use it as foreshadowing for OotS.

-Giving all 3 cats more authority so their powers actually come across as scary to outsiders

-Can’t keep this one as canonical as the Rewriting New Prophecy video, bc the problems with PoT are more of a direct result of the slow paced storytelling, verus NP where the main problem was *how* the story was told

-Will still try my best to keep things canonical, but events from Omen of the Stars can be used and shuffled in as well. Since these series are so closely linked, rearranging these events could help build narrative tension.

-Kill Firestar in Long Shadows. It would be much more meaningful here, especially if we build a relationship between him and the Three. Huge power dynamic shift and allows the Three to actually stand a chance at becoming “dangerous prophecy cats”

-No prologues, only epilogues. Making this a series that makes you ask questions at the end. You get a satisfying conclusion in each book, but the epilogue fuels the mystery and tension of anticipation for the next book.

The Sight

What happens canonically:

Jay, Holly, and Lion are apprenticed

Jay wants to be a Warrior but bc of his blindness is forced to be a Medicine Cat

Holly wants to be a Medicine Cat because of the power it gives her, but switches to Warrior when she realizes she’s bad at it

Lion is big dumb lad who wins fights, loves his dad, and hates Breeze

Graystripe comes back with Millie

Cat Olympics

*indicate who is the focal character of the book. Each book focuses on each character, but each book highlights 1 moreso than the others

How could we improve (?) this:

Jay*- Instead of wanting to be a warrior, Jaykit just wants to find a way to be an active member of the clan, because the clan has basically decided to keep him a kit longer than Holly and Lion, with the implication that he’ll be moved to the Elders den eventually and never be given the opportunity to train. Some clan cats (Thornclaw, Spiderleg) resent Jay and say things like “he’s using valuable resources” blah blah blah, but on the other side, Firestar and others say Jay is part of the clan just like any other cat but don’t allow him to do anything. Brightheart stands up for Jaykit and begins training him privately. After a while, Jay realizes he wants to be a medicine cat and Brightheart helps him learn the territory and how to care for herbs so he can prove his worth to Firestar and Leafpool for the job. Jay’s powers are starting to emerge. He can feel the emotions of the clan and how they resent and pity him and this makes him bitter. StarClan, at least, encourages Jaykit to continue pushing to become a Medicine Cat.

Holly- Mostly stays the same. Note that when she is a Medicine Cat apprentice, she feels ostracized from the other TC apprentices, this builds up as time goes on and she gets more frustrated with MC duties.

Lion- Focus more on the apprentice dynamics. The other apprentices are jealous of Lion for picking things up so quickly, and bc he isn’t humble about it. He also trains in the Dark Forest and loves being better than everyone else at fighting, although he feels guilty for talking to Tigerstar and Hawkfrost. He tries to find comfort in Holly and Jay, but both are bitter towards him as well. Holly wants to be better friends with the other apprentices and Jay is bitter about not becoming an apprentice at all. Lion could even be feeling pity towards his brother that Jay calls him out on.

Mid-book Graystripe comes back. (Maybe Graystripe and Millie come back during a normal day, Lion attacks them and expects to be praised for defending the border, but everyone is horrified he hurt Graystripe. This is part one of Lion’s wake up call.) This whole book is about figuring out where you fit in. After seeing the clan struggle with where Graystripe fits back into TC life, Holly and Jay finally get to do their switcheroo and Lion realizes he’s been a bit of a show-off/jerk to the other apprentices and stops that behavior but instead starts to become withdrawn.

End the book in a similar fashion, with the all day Gathering and the climax with Breeze almost dying before Jay and Lion save his ungrateful punk ass.

Epilogue: Firestar gets the Power of Three prophecy

Okay! So those were most of my notes specifically about how I wanted to handle this book and now here’s my actual script for the video:

So, in my rewrite, instead of wanting to be a warrior, Jaykit just wants to find a way to be an active member of the clan, because the clan has basically decided to keep him a kit longer than Holly and Lion, with the implication that he’ll be moved to the Elders den eventually and never even be given the opportunity to train. Hollypaw and Lionpaw get apprenticed while Jaykit stays in the nursery. Some clan cats (like Thornclaw and Spiderleg) resent Jaykit and say things like “he’s using up valuable resources” “He doesn’t contribute anything to ThunderClan”, which is horrible, but on the other side of things, Firestar and his family say that Jaykit is part of the clan just like any other cat but don’t allow him to do anything. 

In the midst of all this, Brightheart stands up for Jaykit and begins training him privately. After a while, Jay realizes he wants to be a medicine cat and Brightheart helps him learn the territory and uses her past Medicine Cat training to show Jaykit how to care for herbs so he can prove his worth to Firestar and Leafpool for the position. From the start of all this, Jaykits powers are starting to emerge. He can feel the emotions of the clan and how they resent and pity him and this makes him bitter and gives him all his angst that we know and love him for. StarClan visits Jaykit one night in his dreams and encourages Jaykit to continue pursuing becoming a Medicine Cat.

Now during all of this, of course, Hollypaw is training with Leafpool. For the time being, this mostly stays the same as the book. With a slight addition that when she is a Medicine Cat apprentice, she feels ostracized from the other ThunderClan apprentices. She doesn’t get their in-jokes and feels like she’s being left behind. This builds up as time goes on and she gets more frustrated with Medicine Cat duties. It’s not bringing her the glory, recognition, or satisfaction she thought it would.

For Lionpaw,  I want to focus more on the apprentice dynamics and give Lionpaw a bit more character development. Reminder: the apprentices around this time are Berrypaw, Hazelpaw, Mousepaw, Cinderpaw, Honeypaw, and Poppypaw. The other apprentices are jealous of Lionpaw for picking things up so quickly. And because Lionpaw isn’t very humble about his prowess either, they pretty quickly start to exclude Lionpaw and call him a show-off. Ashfur also turns out to be a hard mentor to please. (2 guesses as to why. And the second guess doesn’t count.) With no real friends and no Hollypaw or Jaykit to hang around either, he begins training in the Dark Forest. Tigerstar and Hawkfrost feed into Lionpaw’s ego, and in a way, are the closest things to friends that Lionpaw has made so far. As much as Lionpaw loves being better than everyone else at fighting, he does still feel guilty for talking to Tigerstar and Hawkfrost. 

At his lowest point in this book, he tries to talk to Holly and Jay about his problems, but both are bitter towards him as well. Hollypaw wants to be better friends with the other apprentices so she doesn’t understand why Lionpaw can’t just get over himself and be nice, and while Jaykit understands the struggle not getting along with their clanmates, he’s still bitter about not becoming an apprentice at all, and thinks Lionpaw has it easy compared to him. Jaykit’s powers also allow him to read Lionpaw’s emotions, and Jaykit is taken aback. Unlike most of the other ThunderClan cats, who Jaykit mostly feels pity from, Jaykit realizes that Lionpaw doesn’t really have any feelings towards him whatsoever. Only apathy. 

So the kids are all kinda being shitty to each other and going through A TIME.

My changes here are all done in the hopes of really putting our protagonists through some tough character development, but also hopefully foreshadow their roles for the rest of the series. Each character is going through their own problems with self-worth and handling it in different ways. Jay, Lion, and Holly start off as ambitious, but loving siblings to each other but then things quickly become complicated and messy, putting a strain on their relationship as each becomes more burdened with their own problems. They forget to care about each other.

As we get to the back half of the book, Graystripe and Millie arrive. Only this time, instead of showing up during a Gathering, Graystripe and Millie show up during a border patrol Lionpaw is on. Lionpaw is the first to notice the different scent and charges in after the intruders, attacking them without hesitation, just like Tigerstar and Hawkfrost showed him how to do. Lionpaw’s clanmates are horrified he attacked Graystripe, and this begins Lionpaw’s wake-up call that he’s been too brash and big headed. He begins to realize that the other apprentices were right about him and his ego is shattered.

As ThunderClan debates on how Graystripe and Millie are going to fit back into Clan life, this parallels Hollypaw and Jaykit problems as well. Through watching Graystripe reintegrate, Hollypaw realizes that she’d be happier training as a Warrior. And when Millie becomes part of the clan, this gives Jaykit the courage he needs to tell Firestar and Leafpool that he wants to become a Medicine Cat Apprentice and he can prove he’s capable of doing it. After all, if a former kittypet can walk into camp and become a Warrior, why shouldn’t he get a chance? Though he can feel his clanmates doubt and pity him, Jaykit also feels Brightheart’s pride and confidence in him.

Jaykit’s nerves do get the best of him a few times, and he makes a few unfortunate mistakes, but overall does the job. Firestar questions how Jaykit learned all of this, and instead of outing Brightheart, he tells Firestar and Leafpool that a StarClan warrior taught him everything. This half-truth seals the deal and Jaykit finally becomes Jaypaw, Leafpool’s Apprentice.Jaypaw feels strange, unfamiliar emotions from Leafpool and Firestar is also still strangely hesitant towards Jaypaw’s apprenticeship, Jaypaw doesn’t know what to make of these emotions other than assuming that they still don’t believe he can do it. Jaypaw burns with anger and determination but tries not to let it discourage him.

As we reach the climax of this book, the clans still go through with the all day Gathering, but this time Jaypaw, Lionpaw, and Hollypaw are enjoying the Gathering together. Before the Gathering begins the siblings have a heart-to-heart where they each apologize for not being there for each other. For the first time, Jaypaw feels his siblings look at him with pride. He confesses that Brightheart was the one who helped him learn everything. And while Lionpaw has recovered a bit from his shame of attacking Graystripe, he’s still a bit withdrawn, but Hollypaw and Jaypaw are just happy to have gotten an apology from their meat-head brother. 

Another thing to note is that throughout the book, we would still get introduced to Breezepaw and Heatherpaw. Lionpaw in particular has had a few confrontations with Breezepaw. And at the end, Breezepaw still nearly dies until Jaypaw feels his distress through his power and he, Lionpaw, and Hollypaw go save him. 

The clans celebrate Jaypaw, Lionpaw, and Hollypaw heroics and things end on a nice little note about finding where you belong, teamwork, and communication.

Only, now we get the epilogue. Ah ha ha! That’s right. There’s no prologue to this series, only epilogues. Firestar is receiving a dream from StarClan. Instead of any particular StarClan cat visiting Firestar, he can only explore a hostile and dark forest, and the words of a thousand ancestors cry out, “Beware. Three will come, kin of your kin, who hold the power of the stars in their paws.” Firestar wakes up in a cold sweat as he hears commotion outside his den. We, as the readers, now realize that this took place several moons ago as Firestar sees Leafpool and Squirrelflight walk into camp with Jaykit, Hollykit, and Lionkit as newborns and Firestar looks on with uncertainty.  

Okay, that was a lot of set up, and some definite changes, but I’m hoping that all of this will strengthen the narrative and characterization, AND give us some juicy foreshadowing of things to come.

[thunderbottle]

Thunder's DSMP Disability Headcanons

disclaimer!!! i am sticking to physical disabilities bc honestly delving into the complexity of mental stuff is stressful and physical disabilities easier to apply to characters that like,, already exist yknow

Tubbo

Oh you KNOW this boy has messed up hearing. In my head his right ear is worse (as in he can barely hear anything with it) from the festival execution bc he turned his head away from the fireworks. The various l'manberg explosions also contributed.

I subscribe to the headcanon that being around schlatt sorta 'infected' tubbo with goat traits so bam i'm giving him joint problems in his legs from them changing so fast to be more goat-like. It makes him a bit slower than before and the snowchester cold makes them achey.

Jack

Chronic pain both before and after revival. It's different after he comes back to life, though. It's not any worse or better, just... different. It bothers him more than he lets on. He can't even find comfort in the familiar pain. sadge.

Tommy

same deal as tubbo with being a bit HOH. the repeated explosions during exile would not have treated him kindly.

also related to exile: on the way to techno's house and living in a hole in the middle of the tundra, i feel like he's missing a few fingers and one of his feet from frostbite (y'know how he lost a shoe? yeah.) He makes his own prosthetic while staying with techno but doesn't use it all the time bc it's painful. he's got a fancy crutch that sam made for him which is a lot more comfortable most of the time.

another exile one bc i feel like that whole experience (being hurt often, no real access to first aide, lack of a steady food source, etc etc) would be Not Great for a person's health. Dream dislocated one of his shoulders 'on accident' and it hasn't quite healed correctly, often re-dislocating when he's carrying heavy things or stretching it the wrong way.

Ranboo

my ranboo design has wacky kangaroo rat legs that aren't super suited to,, working correctly so he wears braces on the ankles and knees to keep them bending correctly. he also uses those coon forearm crutches like in that one fanart i did of him forever ago.

okay this isn't a hc but can i just say i'm so happy that c!ranboo is like,, canonically disabled. like ik it's bc he's enderboy but Still i love it sm. thank you mr. beloved

Awesamdude

he was born partially blind and relies a lot on sound. his redstone machine have a lot of essential parts that intentionally make extra noise so he knows they're working correctly and with the right timing.

he wears the gasmask half as a fashion statement and half bc he's got asthma and the redstone dust that typically doesn't bother other people can be dangerous to work with for him and trigger asthma attacks, especially at the quantities he works with.

Philza

caneza!!! he has trouble keeping his balance with his wings out of commission so he weathers the increased old-man-shaming in favor of being able to walk lmao

Wilbur

making this one short bc thinking abt c!wilbur makes me sad

chronic fatigue syndrome!! get some rest tall child!! like i know it doesn't really help but still!!! *wraps alivebur up in blankets like a feral, injured cat* i care you!!!!

Eret

okay i know that the herobrine eyes are bc she's related to herobrine somehow but i'm making her blind anyways. herobrine is blind too. you can't stop me.

guide ferrets... (context: eret's chat is a hoard of ferrets that follows him around it's very good)

he makes all his own buildings so that he has the floorplan memorized before even moving in. how do they turn out so pretty when he can't see them? well, he's more powerful than you could ever know and can do anything he puts his mind to so jot that down

Techno

this pig has ARTHRITIS

technocane!!!!! i love him

If you want me to expand on any of these send me an ask or in the reblogs of this post! Feel free to add on your own hcs within the wheelhouse I'd love to hear them <3

[teeterarting]

here's a list of things i love about PSMD for no reason other than i think it deserves appreciation (spoilers)

the hero gets adopted by a nuzleaf. Hero, a young child that doesn't know why they were brought into this world, attacked by beheeyem, scared and alone, finds someone that takes them under his wing and gives them a home. it's really sweet that once Nuzleaf brings them to the Village, Hero's not alone anymore.

yes it was all a trick, he deceived you. but being betrayed by your father figure hits so much harder. it's much more personal, especially when both Hero and Partner are kids. and when Nuzleaf goes through all that ordeal in the post game, then gets accepted back into the village?? And his little speech to Hero????? it's heartbreaking and incredibly touching at the same time

everything is just so cute!!!! you go to school with your new friendo and you're friends with the schoolkids, and you make the trip to school every morning taking in the scenery, the smell of dew and fresh grass, and the sun on your face... and you take classes about Mystery Dungeon mechanics, and principal Simipour is a big BRO, the school nurse Audino is super kind and helpful... and you get to play with your pokemon friendos in summer vacation, and explore a dungeon with 'em... AND your bond with your Partner begins to form, getting stronger and stronger from then on. PSMD's beginning arc is so warm and pleasant, it's like reliving childhood memories all over again, when things were happier and you didn't have to worry about how cruel the world is. this story section's one purpose is to get the player used to the game's mechanics, as well as foreshadowing. unfortunately most of the school kids get forgotten later on, but I still love this part for everything it is, even if unintentional.

it's not just the beginning that's cute. PSMD'S ENTIRE WORLD IS ADORABLE. It's just filled with life every town you go. there are a bunch of pokemon locals and they all have interesting things to say, in the main story and the post-game. there's a point where their comments get repetitive, but that's bound to happen in any PMD game. Even then, the days are never the same. one morning you wake up and the Lively Town locals are exercising, then the next they're having singing lessons, and then they're practicing martial arts. and you get to connect with (or recruit) some of them just by.... chatting!!! Sitting next to that big ol' venusaur and sharing stories, laughing and having fun. it's good stuff.

Sometimes you find travelling pokemon in dungeons and it's jsut the coolest thing. Imagine you're exploring a dungeon, then your Connection Orb notifies you there's a fellow explorer in the floor. First thing you do is try to find them, and when you do - oh dang a travelling Archeops!!!! And then they just,,,, exchange their experiences and thoughts on exploration and how hard it is to fend off those enemies and the cool treasure they found the other day (the game calls it "[Team Name] and [Traveller pokemon] compared notes"). then the traveller heals you, fills your belly and restores your PP. and they go on their way. idk man it's such a cute interaction. explorers chatting, empathizing and helping each other, bc their job is not an easy one...

PSMD Partner is the most developed Partner in any PMD game yet. They start off as this naive, hyperactive kiddo, then stuff happens, and worse stuff happens, and you get to see how they grow and change and by the end they're a different person than they were before (in more than one way ...). It's just so nice to be by their side, from the beginning to the bitter end, and watch their growth. in contrast, Hero is a little unbalanced in that their backstory is not explored as much, and their personality is kind of a blank - probs meant to be vague so the player can be in their shoes. to me this just gives you the opportunity to shape their character however you want, so you can have tons of different hero/pardner dynamics.

The music is rlly flippin' good. Some of the tracks are recycled from previous entries, but when they go original??? it's a blast!!! "Echoes of the Mystical Forest" is one of my favorites in all four entries, it has no right being so amazing for a random dungeon. "Time to Set Out" makes me cry immediately (also i think it would be a better fit for the parting ways scene at the end...). Don't even get me started on "Second Dark Matter Battle", it has everything an epic climax needs and MORE. the Partner remix????? absolute genius

speaking of which, Dark Matter ITSELF,, is freaking amazing. Its actions were foreshadowed in the very beginning, though they were not blatant through the game. i do think they could have done a better job at showing the pokemon's negativity raising in the world, as well as negative feelings in the characters... but it's not like Gates did a good job at it, either (outside of cutscenes, all the locals in Post Town are incredibly nice to you and fights didn't "break out often". it's like the game tells you the world is a dark place, but what it shows in gameplay doesn't add up). so i'll cut them some slack. Still, I find Dark Matter a more compelling villain than the Bittercold for several reasons. it is sentient. its speech is a jumbled amount of voices all talking at the same time - the anguished voices of the world. It actually concocted a plan to hurl the planet into the Sun, using pawns like Nuzleaf and Yveltal to do its dirty job. in the Voidlands, Hero and Partner discover its past, and how it'll come back after defeat, like a cycle. when Partner accepts Dark Matter, they accept negative feelings as something everyone has within themselves. Most of all, the fact that Dark Matter is a manifestation of negative feelings doesn't make it just a generic threat, a final obstacle to be defeated so the world can be saved. It makes Dark Matter - negativity itself - a natural part of the world, the yin to its yang. and that's why I LOVE IT SO MUCH DANG IT EVEN THANKS PARTNER FOR THEIR ACCEPTANCE

The fact that Dark Matter can possess pokemon that have "even the smallest amount of darkness in their hearts". it makes me think of Mr. Nuzleaf and what he might have gone through in the past to make him so easy to be controlled. Did he hold a grudge against someone?? Did he commit a crime?? Had Nuzleaf always been malicious???? And if so, is this why he shows so much remorse in the post-game??????? because he had always been this vile fiend and then he met this small kid and got attached, but still carried on with his evil actions because his malice was still stronger than the positive feelings and Dark Matter's hold on him intensified?????? I don't know!!!! and as much as i wish the game could have given us that sweet mr. Nuzleaf backstory, it's pretty fun to have freedom to come up with your own version.

Everything about Super's climax is just phenomenal. Every single flippin' legendary is there to help you. Arceus is in the game. MEWTWO IS THERE. and when things are looking hopeless, they really seem hopeless. First the Tree of Life is dying, then your allies get turned into stone and sent to hell The Voidlands, Arceus gets turned into stone, the entire world is stone (except for several mon' that are still safe and holding onto hope, but they're so few). Your Harmony Scarves stop working and you and your Partner are back to your feeble, basic stage forms. You are bordering exhaustion, you have no Emeras, it's just you and your Partner against an eldritch abomination that's killing the life on the entire planet like a parasite, devouring all hope. but you still fight back. Given how adults in the game always discourage the village children from going adventuring, that they cannot do this or that because they're so little and fragile, it's awesome how Hero and Partner beat Dark Matter as tiny kids.

PSMD is not a flawless game. in fact there's plenty of things that hold it back and i even mentioned some... but it's still full of love put into it and it resonates w me more than PMD Explorers of T/D/S and Gates to Infinity (Rescue Team is a close second). its my all-time favorite PMD game.

[dykeyote]

AUTISM N OCD JEDDIE HCS 👀 <- normal about him

YES YES YES YES YES I WAS HOPING SOMEONE WOULD ASK ABOUT THOSE ..... >:))

okay starting with autism . there is NO WAY IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD that fucker doesnt have a special interest on video games theres just no way . i think hes had a spinterest on the medium broadly for SEVERAL years but it yas like . Subhyperfocuses on specific games and series which shifts a lot . for example it was skyrim in college and hes had an on again off again special interest on sonic for most of his life . also he has a special interest in math because i do too and i get to hashtag project

hes VERY much undiagnosed i think . i think he RELATES to a lot of the things sydney experiences and the autistic traits he has but because he doesnt relate to Everything both because autism demonstrates differently in everyone plus sydney has more immediate support needs as well as other disorders and disabilities he kinda is like . ok so im not autistic bc im not exactly like sydney . i think he has some internalized ableism to work thru

i think he stims by pacing his office a lot (: he also flutters his hands when hes nervous or excited and i think he finds clicking his tongue in time with the clocks in his office to be a relaxing stim for when hes upset. he also claps his hands when hes happy and rocks back and forth a lot ESPECIALLY when hes in an infodump

i think she scripts a good deal like she has Specific Phrases that she relies on for hard social interactions . a canon one being the phrase Untenable Circumstances . he doesnt script Whole Interactions but i think for stressful things or abrupt changes she has specific little scripts like for the opposite day ep scripting is a backup plan for him in times of distress

i think that understanding that shes autistic and undoing a lot of her internalized ableism actually helps her and sydney become a lot closer and have tehir relationship be a lot better (: they r autistic4autistic and it deepens their love for each other because of the way they understand each other on a deeper level <3 love wins

using discussing COMORBIDITY as a good segue between ocd and autism here . i think he is DEEPLY DEEPLY reliant on a routine she cant handle large changes theyre really upsetting for him they tend to lash out with frustration which they then feel badly about bc its not like hes actually Angry hes just panicking . this is another thing about the opposite day ep that was SOO autsim coded

okay so now ocd stuff IN PARTICULAR . i think a common loop he gets stuck in is just . staring at his clocks until it hits a SPECIFIC certain time like 11:11 or 12:24 or 10:01 or something like that and if he blinks when it hit that time he has to start over again with a NEW time on the dot . he gets stuck like that a lot ESPECIALLY when hes anxious a good bit of the time he spends locked in his office is just him staring at his clocks . tangentially i do think that her ocd gets SIGNIFICANTLY worse when she does her avoidant thing i think its a self feeding cycle where the mor she avoids the worse her symptoms are and vice versa . seek therapy miss martin <3 

ALSO . THIS IS A THING THATS CONSISTENT IN HIS ARC ITS A MAJOR PART OF WHY HES MY BIGGEST OCD HC . HE HAS THE OCD GUILT . like he gets that feeling where you get so obsessed with ur own guilt that you engage in compulsions to ease it or obsessively resolve it somehow in ways that are totally unhelpful or Alternatively obsessively avoid it hes got that going on to EXTREME DEGREES and i think it would influence the way she acts in the show

i think sydney knows a lot of jedidiahs rituals and tries to make them a little easier on him . small things that he doesnt usually bring up to her but if shes staring at the clock he wont interrupt her until she finishes UNLESS shes been staring at the clocks for hours in which case hell try and distract her a little bit (:

i think she used to have a LOT of religious obsessions when he was younger but theyve gone away a bit now that hes less entrenched in christianity . like he strikes me as the type who used to have a lot of religious morality obsessions as a kid but as he grew up those morality obsessions sorta Changed Shape and became more along the lines of just plain guilt obsession like i mentioned about earlier

once more projecting my ocd obsessions . jeddy has a BIG fear of immobility she jerks her hands and her arms around sometimes just to check that he still can move about freely its a very big fear of hers . she has a har dtime falling asleep sometimes because she keeps doing liil checks that her bodys still moving . sydney snuggling with her is a good distraction and grounding though (: 

SORRY I WENT ON A WHOLE RAMBLE . I AM INSANE ABOUT HIM

[juhaksworld]

TBZ reactions to you forgetting what day their birthday is

(not exactly an au but let’s just pretend you can’t look up their birthdays online bc they’re idols lol)

Sangyeon:

lowkey hurt. (you meanie -_- ) like one day you were sitting together talking and you were like “oh my goodness I’m so excited for my birthday in a few months bc it’ll be a reason for us to get the day off and spend all day together and he’ll be like “we could do that for my birthday too!” and you’d be like “.....yeahhhhh!!!!! but ummm when is your birthday?? I’m really sorry I forgot. I’m terrible at remembering dates and stuff” and he’d be like “in two weeks” and you’d instantly feel so bad bc this poor boy deserves better (you meanie x2) you’d keep apologizing and he’d forgive you in his heart but he’d pretend to be sad the rest of the day just to make you feel bad ( as you deserve ) and you’d like make it up to him by planning this super sweet day with him and get him the awesomest gift and he’d tell you he wasn’t actually mad at you for forgetting but you’d make sure never to forget any important date again bc having sangyeon sad/upset with you was too heart wrenching,, even if it was just a joke.

Jacob:

you’d be like going through your calendar at the beginning of the year making sure you have everyone’s birthdays put in correctly and you’d casually ask him when his was and he’d be like “????” thinking it was a joke since y’all had been dating for like 3 years. and then you’d look up and realize how awful you must seem for not remembering so you’d make excuses like “i knowwww when your birthday is i’m just double checking….*blushes*” jacob would start giggling and then come sit beside you and hug you and be all sweet and say something like “ahh it’s alright! don’t feel bad at all!” but then he wouldn’t tell you to make you feel bad and you have to go searching through your pictures from last year to find the right day. he’d just laugh bc he knows you didn’t forget bc he’s not important,,, you’re just kinda forgetful. he’d tease you about it a lot. maybe he’d pretend to forget your birthday one day just to get back at you lol.

Younghoon:

he would think you were joking at first and be like “stahpppp you know when my birthday is!” and you’d be like “ummmm hoonie i don’t actually” and then he’d just be like shocked and a little hurt and then he’d start explaining to you about how his birthday was in fact the DAY OF HIS BIRTH INTO THIS WORLD and without his birthday there would be no Kim Younghoon. and you’d just be like “i know...why birthdays umm..are important hoonie” but he’d keep lecturing you about why you should remember and you’d feel so bad. he wasn’t upset,,, just shocked you could forget something like that. eventually you’d be like “i understand hoonie” and make an excuse to leave the room and then you’d call chanhee and desperately ask him to tell you when hoonie’s birthday was. chanhee would laugh at you but finally give in and then you’d rush back to hoonie and be like “BAEEEEEE YOUR BIRTHDAY IS AUG. 8TH!!!!!!” and he’d be like “duhhh” anyways,,, you’d avoid bringing that situation up with him or chanhee bc it was too embarrassing.

Hyunjae:

after he realized you were serious he’d just laugh in your face. like he wouldn’t be hurt at all he’d just think it was hilarious,, especially since you were so flustered about it and embarrassed for forgetting. he’d go on and on with you about how you “ForGOt HiS biRthDay” and you’d be pretty sure it was in the first half of Sept. but you just weren’t 100% positive, but he wouldn’t tell you and he wouldn’t let any of the other boyz tell you either. then at the end of the day he’d ask for your hand and you’d give it to him...a little afraid of what he was gonna do with that black marker he was holding. he’d write “SEPTEMBER 13TH 1997” in bold thick lettering on your wrist. and you’d be like “SKJDKDJFKSJDH WHY’D YOU WRITE THAT SO BIG WITH A MARKER??? NOW IT WON’T COME OFF!!!!” and he’d just laugh and be like “well,,, hopefully you won’t forget my birthday now!” then he’d kiss you on the cheek and run away for his life.

Juyeon:

clueless,,, he’d be like “you forgot my birthday?? for real? this isn’t a prank?” and you’d be like “i’m sorry T-T” he’d do that face like he’d just blink a couple of times looking at you with a slightly disappointed blank face like “ur serious bae?” and you’d try so hard not to laugh bc he looked so funny and cute but you’d feel so guilty. so you’d go on to explain that you were just having a “blond moment” and you couldn’t think of it. you knew when his birthday was...you were just blanking out right then. so you’d change the subject and cross your fingers that you would remember his birthday later and then you’d write it down 30 different times in different places and add a reminder for his birthday and a reminder to remember his birthday bc,,, you never wanted to admit to juyeon that you actually forgot his birthday. he was always so good at remembering all the important dates that had anything to do with you,,, so you wanted to be better at remembering as well 

Kevin:

he’d be so butt hurt over this oml. he would 100% never tell you and just sulk all day bc he always makes such a big deal out of your birthday that takes weeks of planning and you just ??FORGOT?? his???? a baby lol. even after you remembered and very loudly exclaimed “OOOOHHHHH YEAHHH OFC!!!! HOW STUPID OF ME FOR FORGETTING” he’d still sulk. you’d have to do some serious explaining of yourself and apologizing and everything. he’d watch you put it in your calendar and turn on reminders every day for a week leading up to his bday. would quiz you randomly after that asking you if you remembered his birthday. you’d have to prove your loyalty to him by remembering some small detail about him that was super important to him before he would completely forgive you.

Chanhee:

disappointed but not surprised lol. would just roll his eyes and be like “why must you be this way?” you’d feel bad,,, but not like super embarrassed bc he wouldn’t make a big deal about it. would tease you a little bit and pretend to be hurt,, but you would know he was just pretending. would ask you if you remembered other ppl’s bdays and when you could,,, he’d tease you even more “i feel like i should be jealous, y/n, that you remember juyeon’s birthday so quickly but not mine...your own bf of 2 years” he’d keep asking you randomly throughout the day if you could remember,,,, and when you finally did remember ( or you secretly asked on of the other boyz ) he would stop teasing you as much and just tell you you had to get a certain (expensive) gift for his birthday to make up for forgetting lmao

Changmin:

Laughs when you ask when his birthday is and then after a minute he’s like “wait--- you were being serious???” and you wouldn’t want to admit it bc you know he can get offended easily over certain things sometimes so you’re like “well...i mean...i know when it is...i just can’t..umm...remember...right now….” *nervous laugh* he wouldn’t exactly be upset..more surprised and a little confused like how do you literally forget your own bf’s birthday you weirdo. he’d just give you this judging look like “????” and that would make you feel even worse than if he openly was offended...somehow. anyway you’re like “i’ll just----- wait until it comes back to me...never mind” and you’ll quickly walk away or change the subject bc you hate having him look at you like you’re the biggest idiot of the century. changmin’s just like “this girl. what a strange person I’m dating”

Haknyeon:

he would be sad,,,like “oh my goodness, how did she forget???” I feel like he tends to overthink so he’d just be so astounded and depressed that you had forgotten such an important fact about him. so he begins to ask you other questions about himself to make sure you hadn’t forgotten everything about him like “what’s my mom’s name” “what year was I born” “when did we start dating” “what’s my favorite food at the moment” etc etc. and you just feel so terrible bc this poor buy is convinced that you don’t love him anymore and he just :(((  

[i’m sad writing this y’all ;-; ] 

so anyways,,, you’re like “listen hak,,, the reason i’m randomly asking when your birthday is is bc it’s my literal password and i forgot. I forget everything. you should know that by now T___T it’s not bc I don’t think it’s important to remember.” and hak would be like uwuwuwuwuwu “my birthday is your password?? that’s so cuteeee!!! <3 and then he’d tell you and forgive you bc,,, hak is like that

Sunwoo:

butt hurt pt.2. he’d sulk and sulk. “You can’t remember my own birthday baby???” pouts. you’d have to explain yourself thoroughly and even though he knows you sometimes forget important things,,, he’s still surprised and slightly offended. would say something like “you’re not allowed to have any kisses until you remember” and normally that wouldn’t be that bad of a threat bc you were sure you’d remember after a while,,, but you didn’t want him to be even more offended than he already was so you pretended to be heartbroken by this threat and started to act all desperate to find out his birth date (even though you originally just wanted it to put on a little drawing you were working on beside your bday lol ) and so you’ll like all frantically call chanhee on the phone asking when sunwoo’s birthday was (making it seem like a secret from sunwoo even though you made sure he heard) and then you proudly went to sunwoo and told him you remembered the date and by then he was laughing bc he realized how silly he was for being so sad. (you got a kiss on the top of your head for “remembering” lol)

Eric:

lowkey confused and highkey amused. you forgot his birthday??? lol. Is how he thinks. so like one day you were just talking with him and he was telling stories about his birthday a few years ago, before you started dating… and then you realized that you could not for the life of you remember when his birthday was...you were pretty sure it was in december...but that’s all you could remember so you asked him after he was done telling you a story. and he laughed and was like “duhhh it’s December 22nd” and you were like “OOOHHHHHH YEAHHHHH HOW COULD I FORGET???” and then he was like “wait--- you actually forgot??” and you were like “Ummm yeahhh,,,,, sorry ;-;” and then he was like “SHOOT i shouldn’t have told you so i could use that as a bribe against you!!” and you just [-_-] anyways he’ll randomly think of that throughout the day and be like “omg guys my own gf forgot my birthday. none of y’all have it as hard as i do” and then he’d pretend to be sad lol.

[terrainofheartfelt]

What are your thoughts on Dan and Rufus' relationship?

Oh good. A softball question! 

It’s weird, bc I think Dan and Rufus probably have the best parent-child relationship in the whole show, but also, the bar is so low already, yk? And it’s weird bc there is such a marked difference in Rufus as Dan’s parent and Rufus as Jenny’s parent, so it’s hard for me to separate out what’s good about their relationship, when Rufus was so unhelpful when Jenny went through similar stuff—and it therefore snowballed and got Worse real fast. 

But trying to put that aside for a moment, Dan and Rufus did have a fairly good relationship, especially in the early seasons, not perfect—bc it never is—but Rufus really was a source of stability for Dan in an objectively very unstable time, and Rufus provided needed reality checks against the UES world. And, sometimes (but not enough imho), Dan gives that same check to Rufus, when he becomes too entrenched in Being Right and withholds himself from making amends (which he does with Jenny & with Lily at different points in the show)

The danger comes, I think, when Rufus projects his own feelings and history on what Dan goes through, and tries to either get Dan to make the choices he would or do what he thinks he should have done. But those moments are also so interesting, bc it’s two characters that the show paints as very similar, finally having differences, and colliding over them. 

(Though, I maintain my opinion that Jenny is more aligned with Rufus than Dan, and Dan is more aligned with Alison than Rufus.)

Moments I’m thinking of: in s2, when Dan pursues writing a story about the Basses that Rufus says will be exploitative (and like…is it though Rufus?). And tellingly, in 5b, when Rufus projects his marriage (and its current drama) all over Dan and Blair’s relationship, trying to convince Dan how he should approach the relationship and define his own boundaries. It had nothing to do with what Blair and Dan were up to, really, it had everything to do with Lily and Rufus. 

And, what I find most fascinating: the Milo arc, when Dan has a baby and Rufus loses it, like, he was mad. He wouldn’t talk to Dan about it, Lily’s the one who makes the first move to help Dan out. (And, as Dan points out, when there was a pregnancy rumor about Serena going around, Rufus had…not the best reaction). It’s also meta I’ve written somewhere before, (here) but I think it’s Rufus projecting again. Because I think Rufus had kids very young—he and Alison talk about that—and he says more than once that he gave up his career to be a dad. So he sees his son with talent coming out of his fingertips and sees what he almost had, and projects that could-have-been all over Dan. (S has meta kinda about that here) And Dan, for better or worse, doesn’t see the big picture in the same way, in those moments when he clashes with his father, Dan is always trying to do his best with the information he has at the time. He thinks he knocked Serena up junior year, he tells her he loves her and supports whatever her decision is. When Georgina shows up at his door about to pop, he has to help her, because what’s the alternative? Say no? That’s not the man his father raised him to be. The father who, when his mother packed up her life and left, stayed with his family. And when he’s trying to find his footing as Blair Waldorf’s partner after thinking he was alone in his love for so long, he’s focused on making her happy. 

So uhhh, in conclusion, my thoughts are complicated, like their relationship. But if I could change only one thing…I would have it be that Dan fights harder for Jenny. (because she needs someone in her corner I MEAN). Because she needs someone, and because I think Dan is the only one (aside from maybe his mom and Lily) who have the point of view and pull to give Rufus some perspective. 

Though, maybe Dan pulling away in s3 while Rufus and Jenny were constantly butting heads make sense for his character. He could have had major fatigue from refereeing their fights. And maybe that’s a role he only learned to cover after Alison left. It’s a rich field to mine. (more meta about it here)

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being an Avenger from outer space

Avengers x reader

warnings:

a/n: this isn’t great but like im down for some avengers hc requests

prompt:

you weren’t exactly accepted on earth the moment you got there

but it wasn’t long before the avengers spotted you

“state your name and your business here” -tony

“wait, stark, just a moment! are you a [alien species]?” -thor

“...my name is y/n, i had nowhere else to go. and yes, i am [alien species]”

i mean, this would be much cooler if the avengers hadn’t already had a bad run-in with the chitauri army

but at least you weren’t trying to destroy any part of earth

“why don’t you come with us for a while? you might be safer in our custody” -cap

you were very uncomfortable with that, but you believed that whatever you were running from couldn’t get you if you stayed with “earth’s mightiest heroes”

and that you were...sort of

the bounty hunters that were on your trail, they didn’t know much about the avengers

so they were dumb enough to strike first

luckily, the avengers took a liking to you

“this is for messing with our new friend!” -tony as he straight up fries one of these goons

you seemed to fight well with them

it made them want to keep you around more than they wanted clint

“having fun, y/n?” -nat

“honestly, yes! i’ve never kicked ass in a group before!”

“i felt the same way on my first mission with these guys” -nat

“wait...is this a mission?”

“well, yeah? what’d you think it was, chess?” -nat

“what? what’s chess?”

oh, my god, this was like thor all over again, it was gonna be great

once the battle was over, they had a question to ask you

but before that...

“did any of you kill the leader?” -you

“which one was the leader?” -sam

“the one with...with the face” *puts clawed hand in front of face for effect*

“thanks, that was really specific” -sam

“you know, he’s got...” *puts fingers near face* “tentacles?”

“you couldn’t say that first?” -tony

“i didn’t know if they were called tentacles here”

okay, that was fair

at that moment the mf hopped out and you pushed clint out of the way so that he didn’t get shot. he said “ow” :( but u were too busy tackling a fellow alien

“you let the rest of those hunters know that they shouldn’t even think about coming after me, are we clear?”

“you’re sparing me?”

“don’t be too flattered, you’re nothing but a messenger to me” *shoots him in the arm*

okay that was a power move

as you kicked this bounty hunter back into his ship, the avengers crew reapproached

“got any plans now that you’ve taken care of your little ‘issue?’” -cap

“you know, i haven’t really thought that far ahead”

“well, if you’re up for it, the avengers would love to have you” -nat

you couldn’t have agreed faster lmaoo

the government didnt like you much

the human population actually wasn’t too fond of you either

but the avengers wouldn’t let anyone touch you

thor made it his own mission to show you all the new stuff that he had discovered on earth

“and these are pop tarts!!” -thor

im talking animals, snacks, music, and more

and dont even get me started on parties

no actually i will

“so, youre from space? list 3 species i’ve never heard of before” -random partygoer

“well, how would you know im not making them up if you’ve never heard them before?”

not much of a comeback for that

you’d only answer questions that weren’t stupid

like “how far away is your home planet?” or “did you have any friends or family?” or “what other planets have you been on?”

and you had a lot of questions too

“what is pizza and where can i get it?”

“you’ve never had pizza? oh, we have to change that” -tony

“what is it though?”

as you went on more missions, you got a better feel for how to work with teammates

especially when they had such different skillsets

“wanda, would you give me a boost?”

“with pleasure!” -wanda

“why didn’t you ask me? i could have flewn you!” -rhodey

“it just feels cooler when wanda launches me, but i’ll let you have your turn later”

“y/n, we should have coffee after this!” -thor

“WHATS THAT?!?!”

you always got excited when offered new things

*muttering* “what the fuck” -you

“OKAY, WHO THE HELL TAUGHT Y/N CURSE WORDS???” -tony

“hm. i wonder” -nat

thor brought you to asgard once

it was pretty. (pretty wild, that is)

“maybe you can take me to your planet one day!”

“i’m pretty sure i’m wanted on my home planet, but i’d love a challenge!”

okay maybe he was ur new bff

“so, y/n, how long is your species’ life span?” -bruce

“im not sure that our measurements of time are exactly translated, but i believe in your time it would be....900 years?”

“oh...may i ask how old you are now?”

“wouldn’t you like to know...”

“...n-no, thats okay”

honestly? sometimes your days were nothing but lazy, so you’d learn about human pop culture

“‘tatooine?’ odd, that’s a planet in my solar system. do you think this ‘george lucas’ is an alien?” -you, lying

*cue the entire fucking team going nuts bc they’re about to believe this conspiracy*

okay but like. you KNEW about thanos. you just never thought he’d be a problem all the way out here

so when the whole thanos situation came to earth you were just kinda like 👉👈 sorry guys, shoulda said smth earlier

“you know who thanos is?” -dr. strange

“...yes. i do. he’s big. really big. and purple. kind of looks like a raisin. oh, yeah, he’s crazy. obsessed with balance.”

“balance? what do you mean by that?” -tony

“like, he likes to kill half of each population for ‘balance,’ you know?”

anyways you went back to space

“so, anything else about thanos we should know?” -tony

“he has 2 adoptive daughters, they’re both badass, i know then personally, he’s from the planet ‘titan,’ last of his kind, aaaand he has an army”

“we have a—wait, no we don’t” -tony

“are there aliens that lay eggs in people? or is that just a stereotype?” -peter

“peter, is it? i heard that you’re taught that there are no stupid questions, but that was a very stupid question”

“...i don’t know if that was a ‘yes’ or ‘no’” -peter

tony asked if you could fly the ship. no.

eventually making your way to titan

which was surreal since it had just been so long since you’d left earth

gotg in the house

“where’s gamora?”//“who’s gamora?” “why’s gamora?”//“you know gamora?” “you know gamora?”//“do you work for thanos?”//“no, i’m here to kill thanos”//“so you’re here to kill gamora?”//“what? no! gamora doesn’t work for thanos anymore, it’s been like 4 years”//“holy shit”

and then thanos popped in and nebula too and she recognized you and it was kinda awk but were just gonna pretend it didn’t happen bc it gets worse <3

u, tony, and nebula got trapped in a ship for like 3 weeks but it was good for catching up

and u met captain marvel and honestly youve just met too many people in the past few weeks u were not vibing

“so, y/n, miss space at all?” -tony

“up until we went back to space, yeah. i’m not leaving this planet ever again”

“we need to find thanos” -bruce

“fuck”

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedficrecs // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisbisexual // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @thisetaernallove // @ofthedewthesunlight // @canarypoint // @zoeyserpentluck // @randomawesomeperson102 // @spideyandtheboys // @ghost-bich //

[tanzaniiite]

BREAK UP BLUES • PRETTY SETTER SQUAD

requests: OPEN

warnings: break ups

a/n: i ‘ve had one break up in my whole 18 years of living, therefore i’m an expert 😋

please reblog and reply, engagement is both fun & important ✨

wanna be apart of my general taglist? fill out the form here!

alt. title: how the p.s.s. reacts when you break up with them

he would be so… lost

suga seems like the type of person that when he loves, he loves hard

so when you come out of the blue (seemingly) talking about breaking up, he will literally be at a lost for words

genuinely won’t understand and will try to hear you out but the drumming in his ears is way too loud for him to hear anything your saying

“..but yeah, i’m not ready for a relationship and i just need to work on myself right now”

“yeah yeah of course, i.. uh, hope you find yourself”

ngl this man is bitter abt the break up, you claim you need to work on yourself which is fine but why would you put yourself in a relationship if you weren’t technically ready?

kōshi is heartbroken for the most part, and would like to still be friends with you after his wounds heal

but that idea is immediately thrown out the window when he sees you in a relationship only after six months of y’all breaking up

i thought you had to work on yourself?

most likely caught on to the fact you wanted to break up long before it happens

he’s observant and he loves you, of course he’ll notice

thinks it’s because he doesn’t spend much time with you or because he isn’t huge on pda

starts to change himself to fit what he thinks you want, gets to the point where he’s not even himself

kenma just loves you so much and although he’ll never vocalize it; he doesn’t want to lose you

so if he had to become a different person for you to stay, then he will

unfortunately this just makes things worse

“kozume, we should break up. these past few months have been weird and it’s like i don’t even know who you are”

he can’t even respond. can’t tell if he’s more distraught over you breaking up with him or from you calling him by his last name

you’ve never done that, even when the two of you were just friends

doesn’t fight you on your decision, he’s tired

once the whole ordeal is said and done, he calls kuroo

being his best friend, kuroo has seen kenma sad before but…

this was the first time he’s ever heard kenma cry so openly

i have never wrote for this man, pls have mercy

anyways he personally reminds me of myself

meaning he has that, “i’ll hurt you before you hurt me” mentality (aka. self sabotaging)

is it healthy? absolutely not but he can’t help it

if he feels you becoming distant or seemingly pulling away from him little by little, he will become extremely paranoid

now semi doesn’t seem like the type to beg anyone to stay with him because that’s just not his style

but he’ll definitely fight until he can’t no more

the nail in the coffin was when he saw your stuff disappear from your shared apartment little by little

obviously confronts you about it and swears his heart stopped when you say you’re moving back in with your parents for a bit

eita knew what that meant, he wasn’t stupid

so before you can utter another word, he blurts out:

“we should break up.”

“h-huh?”

can tell he caught you off guard and despite being upset, he can’t help but feel a little proud

he got to hurt you, before you hurt him

…but then why was he hurting so much?

it’s mutal… or so you thought

akaashi would be shocked when you bring up the idea of breaking up

but because he’s in tune with his emotions, he wouldn’t show it

instead he’ll pretend he was thinking abt the same thing, when he definitely was not

“i think we should break up, keiji. i’m just not feeling this relationship anymore, sorry”

“no need to apologize, i was just thinking the same thing”

on the inside he would be so confused

where did he go wrong? was it something he did? was he so boring that you got bored of the relationship?

all these questions with no answers

he strikes me as the type to throw himself into his work on a regular basis but this increased tenfold once you break up with him

it’s to the point where he neglects himself and bokuto has to come over or this man will starve

doesn’t cry abt it, obviously he’s sad but he just doesn’t have it in him to cry

crying won’t fix anything, so why bother?

you announcing that you want to break up throws him for a loop

he genuinely didn’t see anything wrong with your relationship so he’s hella confused

“you.. want to break up?”

“yeah, i just think we should move on and see other people”

“why? i don’t want to see other people, i want you”

this poor man

of course he respects your decision, no matter how much he hates it

and i feel like he wouldn’t register the fact the two of you broke up until he vocalizes it

“what happened between you and y/n?”

“oh. we broke up”

“…we broke up”

that’s when it hits him the hardest

doesn’t seem like the type to cry about it but he has shed a few tears

kageyama will just throw himself into his volleyball career and swear off dating for a while

he doesn’t want to put himself out there just to get his heart broken again

this man has been through break ups before so this isn’t his first rodeo

but honestly wasn’t expecting it, he thought y’all were good

clearly not

“—i’m sorry, i wish you nothing but the best though”

he tuned out the minute he heard break up and didn’t tune back in until that last bit

and unlike semi, oikawa does strike me as the type to beg you to stay

“you really wanna give this up?”

“come on cutie, we can work this out!”

“why are you giving up on us?”

“y/n… please.”

it’s extremely painful for both you and him (more so him, of course)

i hope you aren’t too close with his friends bc they will avoid you, especially iwaizumi

it’s nothing personal but they knew tooru first and they don’t want to “betray” him

oikawa will cry about the whole thing but only by himself

to the public, he’s perfectly fine.

“better off without you” he says

it’s not like the love of his life broke his heart, why wouldn’t he be fine?

tanzaniiite © 2021 — all rights reserved. do not repost, modify, or copy. do not plagiarize. thank you.

[adorerdraco]

Distractions and O.W.L.S ✧ Draco x Reader

Summary: You start neglecting yourself and Draco when you begin stressing for O.W.L.S. The studying finally took its toll on you that landed you in the hospital wing but Draco helps you end the night on a good note. 

Warnings and Perks: being stressed, over studying, fainting ! and corniness

Words: 2K (sorry for any mistakes its 3 AM !!!!!)

A/N: omg i am currently working on some requests and on Healing Heart 4, but i’ve had this scenario stuck in my head all night bc i was listening to a slowed down version of stuff we did from UP and so i thought id share it with everyone since i havent posted in like 2 days <3 do not own gif but pretend that you and Dracoooo <3

It was the beginning of June, weeks away from O.W.L.S, which meant weeks away from another ending of a school year at Hogwarts. What bothered you the most wasn’t the fact that you had homework piled up to the ceilings, or that Snape has been snapping at you all week and took away 5 house points from you, or that you were drowning in a sea of textbooks and notes that you kept studying for your upcoming exams; it was the fact that you had barely seen Draco in nearly two weeks. You were so busy with schoolwork and focused on getting outstanding marks, you hadn’t even realized you were neglecting your own boyfriend. 

Of course, the two of you would find each other in the Great Hall during breakfast and you’d give him a quick hello and goodbye kiss faster than he could even register what was happening and by the time he did, you were already out the door and rushing towards your first class. At this point, you were acting like the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland, always frantic and in a rush. Your hair was wild and untamed, you had dark bags under your eyes from the all-nighters you were pulling, your robes and clothes underneath were in disarray and wrinkled.

To make it worse, you never let Draco study with you. He constantly asked and you always gave him the same answer.

“If I study with you, I’ll never get anything done.”

Which was true. He was very distracting with his quiet jokes in the library, or when he would look up at you with his sparkling gray eyes when you would try to ask him a question that just flew from your mind at the sight, or smile at you with a wide toothy grin that lit up the room when you got sidetracked and talked to him, or the way he rested his hand on your thigh when he would sit beside you while you quietly read or wrote but the only thing you could focus on was his fiery touch. Really, it wasn’t him who would distract you; it was you who distracted yourself with him. And that was evident when you tried to remember everything you’ve learned in the past school term and came up blank because for some reason your brain only retained information and memories that contained Draco throughout the past year. 

So you figured a little time away from him wouldn’t hurt. Because if you didn’t pass these O.W.L.S, you felt like everyone would be disappointed in you, especially yourself. So you locked yourself away in your dorm and crammed and jam-packed your brain with information until you eventually passed out hunched over a book with drool blurring the ink on your pages. You avoided the library for studying, knowing Draco would go looking for you or Madam Pince would distract you halfway through your note taking to kick you out for the night.

Mornings always came the same, you waking up randomly over your desk a few minutes before breakfast and changing into a new pair of robes as quickly as you could while trying your best to smooth your hair down with your hands. This morning was different, however. You woke up to one of your roommates shaking you violently while she spoke your name loudly above you, but it sounded distant. You shot up in a hot flash, wiping your mouth of any saliva and groaning when you started to feel the pounding in your head that seemed to shake up your whole brain. “Thank Merlin, you’re awake!” Your roommate exclaimed in relief. “You looked dead, honestly. But class is starting in twenty and you’ve missed breakfast.”

“Twenty?” you frown, letting your swelling head fall into your hands. “I don’t want to deal with Snape right now, I feel awful.”

“I’m going to try to say this as nice as possible,” she sighs, placing a hand on your shoulder, “but it shows.”

“Thanks,” you scowl. You try to get up from your chair but gasp in pain as your muscles cramp at the movement like a rickety old man. 

“Maybe you should go to Madam Pomfrey,” she suggests, trying to help you up but you shoo her. 

“No, I’m fine,” you rush to interject. “I will not be missing Potions, no.”

She gave you a shrug, backing away in defeat as she let you rush to change into new robes and attempt to brush down the matted mess that’s supposed to be your hair but gave up halfway through and threw it into an updo. The headache was not a good combination with the scalp pain from combing out knots. Your roommate waited for you with pitied eyes, following closely behind you as you hurried out of the room and towards the exit. 

You sped walked out with her but didn’t see the mop of platinum blond that was waiting for you outside the entrance of the common room. You had zero awareness of his presence until his hand had reached out to hold onto your wrist, stopping your near sprint towards the class. Your roommate stopped too, eyeing the two of you and the look on the Slytherin’s face before she continued walking. 

“What? Draco, let go,” you move away from him and he quickly drops your arm. “I’m going to be late.”

You began to walk away from him, but he stepped in front of you, stopping you again.

“Why weren’t you at breakfast?”

“I overslept,” you answered gruffly. “Now, move! If I’m late, Snape will have my head on a stick.”

“Y/N, you need to slow down,” he frowns, “all this studying and rushing around everywhere is going to land you in the hospital wing. You look sick already, I’m worried.”

“I’m not sick!” You huff, throwing your head back in irritation. “If you really cared about me, you’d let me go to class instead of insulting me.”

“I’m not insulting you. Am I so terrible to tell you that you look like you’re about to pass out any second?”

“Yes, you are terrible,” you sneer, the pounding in your head was getting stronger each passing second. “Instead of-”

Your train of thought was violently stopped in its angry tracks, you stumble back and begin blinking hard at the spots that quickly started to dot your vision. Your hand instinctively reached out towards Draco, which he grabbed and hurriedly darted forward towards you, gripping onto you before you could meet the ground, your vision going black and your consciousness out the door.

Draco felt himself begin to panic. He promptly began to feel guilty, feeling like it was his fault that you even fainted in the first place because of the argument he had accidentally started.

He gathered you up in his arms, one arm sliding under your knees and the other under your neck as he swiftly picked you up and began his frantic journey towards the hospital wing.

When he got you to Madam Pomfrey, she instructed him to set you down on one of the beds and kicked him out of the room while she started her treatment. His heart was beating so fast, he wanted nothing more than to stay by your side so he halfheartedly threatened her with his father and she ended up letting him stay with a deep sigh while he stood idly by your bed. When Madam Pomfrey was done, she left the two of you alone. Draco wasted no time in sitting at the foot of your bed, his hand finding its way into your cold one that laid limply beside you. He watched your sleeping figure with a relief as he noticed that whatever Pomfrey gave you had speedily began to affect you. Your skin no longer looked ghastly and dull, but healthy again and tinged with pink. The dark circles underneath your eyes had faded just a little bit, leaving only slight bags as you finally slept. 

He waited maybe 12 hours for you to wake up. After missing his first class, he had decided to go to the rest of his classes as Madam Pomfrey swore to him up and down that you would not wake up any earlier. He begrudgingly obliged and skipped all his meals instead to spend his short free time with you. When his final class ended, he almost ran back to the hospital wing. He occupied the rest of his time with a book he had found thrown somewhere around the room. The book was long forgotten the second he felt your hand twitch and your body begin to stir, your tired e/c’s looking around the room in confusion before landing on him. He scooted himself closer to you, brushing a loose strand of hair out of your face as he looked at you with pure concern. It was the same look he had when he confronted you earlier and with that one look, you were able to recall everything that had happened before your collapse.

“I’m sorry I said you’re terrible,” you croak out sadly, your hand wrapping around his wrist and squeezing it gently.

“I’m sorry I made you faint,” he says. “How are you feeling?”

“That was my own fault,” you chortle, “but I feel really good. I know I fainted and all, but I feel much better with whatever Madam Pomfrey gave me.”

“I can tell,” he smiles, moving himself a little back as you sat up with a newfound strength. “She said you can leave when you wake up.”

“Good, now help me out of this bed.”

Draco took your hand and you hopped out of bed excitedly, turning towards him and giving him a tight hug that he returned twice as hard.

“If you’re not too tired, can I show you something?” He asks from above you, his arms still wrapped strongly around you.

“Yes, please,” you answer with a nod against his chest.

Draco steps away from you before taking your hand and walking the two of you out of the hospital wing and towards the stairs that led to the astronomy tower. When you reached the top, huffing, and puffing, he asked you again if you were okay to which you answered with an eager nod.

"Tonight is a blood moon,” he smiles, pointing up towards the very large orange and reddish moon in the starry night sky. It shone brightly but still gave off little light in its wake, the astronomy tower was almost dark, but you still managed to see the blond perfectly, he was watching you with a happy and loving glint in his eyes that you were able to notice. “I was planning on asking you to see it with me tonight, but we kind of ended up elsewhere.”

You threw yourself into his arms, your face buried deep in his robes and the heat radiating off his chest warmed you up in the comfiest way.

“You’re the best, Dray,” you mumble into the cloth of his robes, the clothing vibrating underneath you as he chuckled. You pulled away and gazed up at him, smiling when he placed a kiss on your forehead.

The two of you unknowingly began to sway back in forth in each other’s arms, his hands resting on your lower back while yours were looped loosely around the back of his neck.

“You scared me today,” he begins quietly, “and every day since you’ve started your studying.”

“I know,” you frown, “I’m sorry.”

“Promise me you’ll stop overworking yourself,” he says softly. “I know you’re scared you’ll fail, but I promise you won’t. You’re one of the smartest people I know and I know you’ll get outstanding marks on everything.”

“You think so?” you ask hopefully, your eyes trained on the burnt orange moon as you took in his words.

“I know so.”

A few more minutes of silence pass by, your head now leaning against his chest as the two of you still danced silently. And as if he read your mind, Draco began humming a soft and off-pitch rendition of Claire de Lune. You would laugh every time he forgot a note and would go silent for a moment before backtracking and humming it correctly.

You don’t know how long the two of you stayed up there dancing slowly in each other’s arms with Draco trying his best to hum the top classics of the classical’s, his lips finding yours every now and then to kiss you longingly and tenderly, but one thing was for sure; it was bliss. 

Maybe distracting yourself with Draco wasn’t such a bad thing.