#you’re gonna go far | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vaultedoverthehorse · 28 days ago

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you’re gonna go far

Notes: wrote this/already posted this to Ao3, but the sequel is ready to be published so I thought I’d post it here as well!! Enjoyyyyy!!

Waves of boiling heat cascaded over Tulsa as August reached its end. People were waking up from their lazy daze, ready to get back into the regular year with summers close. As always, the end of August meant going back to school. For Ponyboy, however, this year it meant leaving town for college. The last time he did so was with Johnny, so it wasn’t a surprise that he was scared.

Yet at the same time, he needed to get out. It was stifling here. Things were too different yet too similar at the same time. The Socs never changed, his friends from school were all doing what they’ve always done, but Johnny was gone. Dallas was gone. His parents were gone. Everything reminded him of them. He hoped a new environment would be a new start.

Despite wanting a new start, he found himself sitting with his back against the side of Johnny’s headstone in the early morning of the day he was leaving. It had become his comfort place in the past four years. As if sitting here, he could still feel Johnny beside him. Still feel his support.

“This is it, Johnnycakes,” his voice was quiet, whispering as if he was on holy ground. He always spoke softly here. “I’m leavin’ Tulsa. Maybe for good.” There was no answer but the wind. Pony sighed, running his fingers through the damp grass. “Goin’ to college in the north. Darry ‘n Soda are proud. I jus’ wanna get out.” He exhaled, leaning his head back. “We always said we were gonna leave, huh? Wish you were here to come with me. It’d be far enough away from Tulsa for you.”

The sunlight poking through the trees casted a soft, golden glow over the graveyard. Pony didn’t want to leave - who knew when he’d be back? But he had to head back before Darry called the cops because he was missing. He stared at the name on the headstone as he stood up, suddenly overwhelmed with emotions. He missed his best friend everyday, now more than ever.

“You were just too damn good for growing old, Johnny Cade.” His voice broke slightly, despite the smile on his face. “…but I wish you weren’t.”

He finally pulled himself away, forcing his feet to walk him back to his home - though it wouldn’t be his home for much longer, would it?

There was some sense of normal that morning. Breakfast was still done the same (Soda still insisted that eating eggs with jam was exquisite dining). But the tension, the knowledge that the youngest Curtis was officially leaving the nest, lingered over them like a noose. It wasn’t like he was the first to leave. Soda lived a few streets away with Cherry, and he had for around two years now. He was just over for breakfast because of how important today was. What was different this time was that none of them knew what would happen, since Pony would be so far away.

The conversation was stilted, despite all of their attempts at talking. Every time, it circled back to Pony’s imminent departure.

“You’re sure you’ve got everything?” Darry asks for what is probably the third time. Pony nods, staring at his plate. He’d eaten about half of it, which was good for him. He didn’t normally eat much. He never had an appetite anymore.

He tried to ignore the look his brothers shared. He’d be fine, he knew he would. They just had to trust him. He cleared his throat, trying to appease their worry by talking.

“Yeah, I’ve had everything packed for a week.” He didn’t want to admit it, but he couldn’t wait to leave Tulsa. He told himself (and everyone he knew) that it wasn’t for good, but…he didn’t want to come back.

“Good, good.” Darry nodded, sitting back in his chair as he studied Ponyboy sadly. “You excited?”

Pony nodded, his face lighting up slightly. “Oh, yeah. Their English department is apparently one of the best, and everyone I’ve met so far seems really nice.” They didn’t care that he was a greaser. In fact, they didn’t bat an eye at him. He guessed this is what the rest of the world was like.

Soda grinned, stealing some eggs off of Pony’s plate. “You gonna have fun, too, right? Don’t give me that look, Dar-“

Pony nodded again. “Uh, probably. I dunno what they do for fun up there.”

Soda laughed, his eyes dancing as he thought of the possibilities. “Well, you call and tell me what it is, y’a here?”

Pony laughed a little. “Of course, Soda. Why wouldn’t I?”

Soda shrugged, his grin slipping a little. Darry stood up, placing his plate in the sink.

“Alright, Pony. We’ve got a long drive, so let’s get a move on.”

Pony stood up, tossing his leftover eggs and putting his plate in the sink. He walked to his room - just his, though he still felt the memory of Soda in the walls. It was practically empty now. The only things he’d left were some clothes and a few books he left on his desk. Suddenly Pony was hit with homesickness, and he hadn’t even left. He was seventeen, he wasn’t ready, he couldn’t handle leaving.

But he couldn’t handle staying either.

He left his room, keeping the door ajar.

Pony stood outside beside Soda and Cherry, watching Darry put the final box in the car. Cherry held her newborn baby girl - named Rose, because that was Cherry’s favorite flower. And because Cherry had vetoed any wild name Soda had suggested, so that was their compromise.

The quiet was tense as they stood there. None of them really knew what to say - they’d never had someone leave Tulsa before, not of their own volition. Then again, Ponyboy was different, so it wasn’t a surprise that he would.

Cherry gave Pony a small smile. “I knew you could do it, Pony. You’ve always been different, and I thought if anyone could get out, it would be you.”

Soda wrapped his arm around Cherry’s waist, smiling proudly at his little brother. “We’re all proud of you.”

Pony gave them a grateful look. He felt a little choked up - he’d miss them all. He’d miss Two-Bit and Steve, who couldn’t be there this morning for one reason or another. He’d miss Mark Jennings, who had been locked up for a while. He’d even miss Curly Shepard, the boy who he didn’t know what they were, the boy he’d spent his nights with for the last few years. He wasn’t here today, either. He was mad Pony was leaving.

Darry slammed the trunk shut, turning to Ponyboy. “Ready to go?”

Ponyboy nodded, before turning back to Soda. He wouldn’t be coming with them. Soda looked like he was trying his hardest not to break into tears. He let go of his wife, running over to his little brother. Pony wrapped his arms around the wild, uncontrollable force that hit him, sobbing into his shoulder. He couldn’t help it - Soda had that effect on people. He brought out what they really felt.

They stood, hanging onto each other in the yard. The yard in which so many memories took place. For the first and only time, Pony didn’t want to leave. He wanted to stay here, with his brothers, in the town he knew like the back of my hand. He wanted to be thirteen again, telling Soda everything, hanging out with Johnny at every waking moment, partaking in petty bickering with Darry, being scared of Dallas Winston. He was terrified to grow up.

A third set of arms joined the huddle, strong and firm. Protective. The three brothers hugged for a long while, knowing that it was the last time they’d do that till November.

Eventually, the inevitable couldn’t be put off anymore. They broke apart, walked back to their respective spots. Pony climbed into the passengers seat, gazing out the window as Darry started to drive away. With one last look at Soda, he saw him sobbing with Cherry consoling him.

The drive out of Tulsa was quiet. Pony gazed absentmindedly out of the window, closing his eyes when they passed the lot. He hadn’t gone back to where he used to sit with Johnny, disregarding one time his feet took him there after a fight with Curly. There was still a small pile of used cigarettes on the ground. The few nature hadn’t washed away.

A weight seemed to lift off of Pony’s chest as they left the town. He looked at Darry, who seemed focused on the road. Pony shifted in his seat, fixing his gaze on the road ahead. He liked looking out the window, seeing places he didn’t usually get to see. He heard Darry stiffen, as if he was about to talk.

“…we’re proud of you, kiddo. Really, really damn proud.”

Pony looked up at his older brother. The words broke through his thin shell he’d built up over the years. That was all he wanted - Darry to be proud of him.

“Thanks.”

Darry nodded. They settled into a familiar silence. They’d learned to become comfortable with a lack of conversation, just enjoying each other’s presence. It kept them from fighting, anyway.

The car slowly rolled to a stop in front of the dorm of his college - Pony’s new home. He stood on the smooth pavement below, gazing up at it. It was taller than anything back in Tulsa. In fact, everything was completely different than Tulsa. The concrete would be cracked, and this building would have at least one broken window.

Pony loved that it was different.

“You gonna help me bring this stuff in or what?” Pony turned, hearing Darry’s teasing voice. Pony grinned, rushing over to the trunk. He grabbed a box. (Darry had two, but he was showing off) and headed towards the building.

The lobby was nice, nicer than his home. The couches were new, the tables smooth on the top. Nobody looked down on them as they walked in. Many smiled and said hello as they did so. Pony felt happier than he had for a long time.

They’d walked up to his dorm, which was on the third floor. It was small, but it was nice. Besides, it was slightly bigger than his room at home.

The smell of wood and metal filled the room. It was clear no one had lived there for a decent amount of time. There were some bags on the left bed, meaning his roommate was here. Pony dropped his box on the floor, Darry doing the same.

“I’ll leave you to unpack, I’m gonna get the other boxes.”

It was clear Darry wanted to give Pony some time alone, which Pony was grateful for. He turned his attention to his stuff. He didn’t have much of it. He hadn’t wanted that much. His first box was just clothes, as with the second. The third was full of books. He hadn’t wanted to part with many, so he’d brought as much as he could.

He left the box of books alone for now, instead putting his clothes away. He put the, in the same order he always had - shoes at the bottom, tank tops, shirts, then jackets, and pants and everything else in the drawers. He’d never completely leave his past completely.

Darry came back, two more boxes in his hands. One was necessities - things like a small vacuum, and whatever else Darry had thrown in there that he’d needed. Most of it was stuff from when Darry was supposed to go to college. Unused and unopened.

The other box was smaller. It was his more personal things. The things that would make him cry were he to open it. He took it, and placed it in the corner of his wardrobe. He’d open it later.

Darry stood there, taking the room in.

“So…first Curtis to go to college. How’s it feel?” Darry’s voice was a mix of proud and envious. Pony understood. He’d feel the same way if he hadn’t gotten to go to college.

“Feels good.” Pony said, a small smile tracing his lips. “I’m not the first to get in, though. That’s all you.”

He saw Darry puff up slightly - he was always proud of his accomplishment, even if he never got to go.

“You’ll be back for Thanksgiving?” Darry asked hopefully, his eyes trying to gauge Pony’s reaction.

Pony would be back for Thanksgiving, at least this year. That was for sure. “Yeah.”

Darry seemed satisfied with that answer. He smiled, stepping forward to wrap his youngest brother in his arms for one last embrace.

“I’m gonna miss you, Little Colt.”

Pony felt tears threaten to fall again. “I’ll miss you too, Dar. You an’ Soda.”

Darry pulled away, giving Pony one last look before he said goodbye, leaving Pony alone.

It wasn’t as bad as people said it would be.

Pony had laid on his back, staring at the ceiling until his roommate had come back. His name was Tim, and he was studying marine biology. He seemed nice. They’d gone to the dining hall together, eating with some other guys Tim had met earlier that day. Pony didn’t talk much, preferring to listen. Yet he felt happier than he had for a long time.

The new environment had done wonders for his head.

Now, Pony was alone in the dorm. Tim had gone to call his family, and Pony didn’t have much to do. So, he took out the box of memorabilia from his past and looked through it.

It had been the first box he packed. He wanted to make sure he’d never forget this stuff. Gone With the Wind, with Johnny’s letter still tucked in it. A charred leather jacket. His sketchbook from when he was fourteen. One of Soda’s horse figures he’d given Pony when he was five. The small, ratty dog stuffed animal he’d had seen he was born. The stolen ring Curly had given him casually a few days before Pony told him he was leaving. And two photographs. One of his blood family, and the other of his found family.

He wiped his eyes as he looked at his favorite things from his life before. He wouldn’t ever escape Tulsa. Not completely. His heart was there forever. In the bedroom he’d shared with Soda, in the kitchen he’d fought with Darry in. At the lot where he’d sit and tell Johnny his dreams. At the drive-in where he’d met Cherry Valance - well, Cherry Curtis, now. His heart was in the ground, with his mama and his dad, with Dally, with Johnny.

But he was free. His body was free.

He closed the box, putting it back in the dark corner where he wouldn’t see it everyday. He stepped out of his room, bumping into Tim in the hallway.

“Oh, hey! You going to call your family?” Tim asked casually. Pony could already tell that Tim was a perpetually chill guy. He dug it - reminded him of Sodapop.

“Uh, yeah. Gotta call ‘em before they drive back up here.” Pony joked half-heartedly. Tim just grinned, telling him not to hurry back, and that he’d probably be asleep.

Pony walked down to the ground floor of his dorm, where the landline was. He picked it up, called the number that was new yet still family, and waited.

“Curtis residence, Sherri speaking.”

“Hey, Cherry! Can I talk to Soda?”

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