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regulusrules · 2 years ago

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New to your blog, I was wondering if you have a Merlin fic rec list that's just your favorites. I unfortunately missed the Merlin fandom back when the show was airing so I always feel like I'm just missing the greatest stuff from other people

Hello friend! Welcome to my humble abode of a blog (which resembles more of a Merlin waste disposal). Like you, I missed the show when it was airing, but honestly when you stay as long in this fandom as I have, you will constantly be exposed to wonderful creative energies that give their all. It's a timeless fandom, one of the very few, and no matter when you enter it you will always feel fulfilled. :)

So, favourite fics! Gosh, how can I fit 2K+ bookmarks in one ask. When it comes to this fandom, I admit: I have no life. I've read a real huge number of fics throughout the years, but sometimes it's inevitable for fics to get lost in a sea of bookmarks. So to make things easier, I'll write you some canon fics that immediately come to my mind for how unforgettable they were.

No order; each one has its own chamber in my heart.

Short fic recs (1K-50K)

1. Our broken pieces by @aramblingjay. 10K, T, Canon Era, Hurt/Comfort.

Am I purposefully putting this one on top this time so that everyone who stumbles across this ask could check it out? Yes. Yes I am. Is it my personal mission for the fandom to give this fic the love and kudos it deserves? You bet it's a big overbearing yes. And yes I want you to cry and feel your heart twist with agony because of how beautiful it is. My eyes never shed tears for a fic before this one, and never will after it. There is something in the way the author broke Arthur that just resonated in my innards. And the way Merlin was there for him, not a placebo "I'm here" but there, in all actuality, doing so with every fiber of his love, made it something else. I like to believe that this fic was crafted so perfectly in a parallel universe, and sent to us as a blessing we never knew we needed.

2. Beauty in the Ashes of Our Lives by Fulgance. 21K, T, Canon AU, Magic Reveal.

This is probably the umpteenth time for me to recommend this fic, but I won't stop. I can't stop. This fic ruined me so slowly, and healed me even slower. All my Merlin friends do not believe why this would be one of my favourite fics of all time with what Arthur did, but honestly, it's the fact that the writer wrote it so convincingly that makes me crumble internally. It isn't easy to write angry Arthur, and it's even harder to write him grief-stricken, but here, the author blended both elements so perfectly. It's impossible to forget this fic. It's worth your every second.

3. Linger On Your Pale Blue Eyes by supercalvin. 18K, T, Canon Era, Touch-Starved.

Will this fic linger in your heart? It sure as hell never leaves mine. Every once in a while, I have to go back to this fic and read it like a morning paper. Some fics sustain you.. this is definitely one of them. Most of @supercalvin's fics are of sustaining material. They are made with such depth and broad understanding to the characters that you should take notes. There's this one line that everytime I cross this fic I instantly remember and I go to the nearest pillow to just AAA a little bit. When you reach it, I'm sure you'll recognise it, and I'll be waiting for you to come AAA with me.

4. Dower the Stars by RurouniHime. 40K, E, Golden Age, Pining Arthur, BAMF Merlin.

I don't think anything levels the levels of intimacy in this fic. It is one of the best Arthur characterizations I've ever read. His boundless love and pining for Merlin— oh my heart. Also, the world building and amount of research that must have been done for this fic is astounding. I was this close from following the author's footsteps and, idk, writing an entire research paper about Arthurian lore or something. The moment I read it I immediately wanted to contact the author and just tell them WHY ARE YOU BLESSING US WITH ALL THIS INSTEAD OF PUBLISHING IT?? It was amazing. I reread it a month ago for the third (fourth?) time and found myself gasping and aweing as if I never read it before. It keeps being an experience every time, one so worthwhile.

5. from hearth and ashes, we’re reborn by @remuscariad. 5K, G, Canon AU, Magic Reveal, Hurt/Comfort.

Earthshatteringly-poetic isn't a made-up word powerful enough to describe the beauty of prose here. There are fics that you open and immediately know that you're sold: this was one of them. Its summary alone dropped my jaw down to my neighbour's floor. The dialogue is so meticulously crafted it feels like reading a piece from a past era. Genuinely beautiful.

6. Half of my soul by marvelxpendragon. 2K, G, Post-Canon AU, King Arthur/Court Sorcerer Merlin.

This fic is half of my soul, as the poets say. So what if I reject the canonic ending and resort to pain myself with fics like this instead? I sometimes feel we, as a fandom, try to up the angst of the finale so that we forget how painful it was by bringing even MORE pain. But it's pain that I delight in, because it's pain that MAKES SENSE. Yes give me MCD but with a freaking beautiful life like the one this author gave us. Make me believe it was all worth something. Make me believe they lived.

7. whisper to the flame by @missfaber. 16K, E, Canon AU, Wounded Arthur, Hurt/Comfort.

*clears throat* *prepares for a mental scream*TELL ME HOW YOU LIGHT YOUR FIRESSSSS *clears throat once more and pretends I'm okay*

So, as the author wrote, this is indeed a love letter to the two characters we love more than anything. More than anything, I loved the fact that the author gave Arthur agency to think and act and be a king, even when he was still a prince. Even in most fics where Arthur already knows, this isn't common. So whenever I find a fic that has Smart!Arthur and a lovesick one at that, I would vouch my life and soul for it. Also Protective!Knights is the best thing in the world, ok? I would die for this discourse for real.

8. As a Sea Shell by bathilda bagshot (wellthengameover). 12K, T, Canon AU, Slow Burn.

Okay, so this fic is only bookmarked "Agony until 7 AM", and with that, a rush of drowning memories always come crushing my soul. I lost sleep and SANITY over this fic. I was thrown from a cliff and kept hanging in the air without a respite until the very END. I read it a couple weeks after the finale and it broke me even FURTHER. I was promised growing old together, and it was a big LIE. And yet I love it so, so dearly.

Honourary biased mention:

9. My heart is readily yours by yours truly. 11K, T, Canon AU, Protective Arthur, Hurt/Comfort.

Sometimes I don't believe I had it in me to write this. Like.. what, dearest self, the hell were you thinking. With tyismso, I somehow balanced fluff and angst— a solid magic reveal fic. But this one? I only knew ✨pain✨

.. and I don't regret a thing.

[Long fic recs]

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traumxrei-archive · 2 years ago

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【 book 6 thoughts ! 】

i said i'd share my thoughts, so here they are so far >:DD

part: one, two, three, four / ??

[ warning: spoilers for book 6 up until 6-16 under the cut !! ]

[ about : overblot lore drop ]

it took yuu long enough to actually TELL CROWLEY that grim was eating those rocks :')))) makes 110% sense that grim would lash out if he's been ingesting 5-overblot's-worth of purified blot

but also, i...can't believe it took twst this long to actually explain what was going on when we were fighting the overblots jsfksdfk like this whole time i've been assuming that people just. get knocked out or tired, but what they explained made so much more sense.

crowley has said that overblotting is rare. but then how come at nrc ?? there's been 5 consecutive overblots in less than a school year ?? (the twst timeline so far is from sept till around feb, bc book 5 was set during a "spring festival" iirc) the reason they don't know enough about overblots is bc they don't have enough subjects who have overblotted to research, so... i do wonder if there's something else at play here, maybe something has changed in NRC since yuu came ?

[ about : ortho lowkey scares me ]

ortho honey....wdym do we need bring back the target alive.....ofc we need grim alive sobs (the juxtaposition between his youthful n polite way of talking + the way he literally knows everything bc his brain is the internet kinda scares me a lot.)

[ about : vil's apology ]

i made a separate post to talk about this bc i started writing n it really got too long, so yes. but also. vil whipping out 50k madol like it's nothing. his acting career has really done him well.

and kalim donating it to ramshackle, my beloved. he's so nice. even while he's saying "it was sO RUN DOWN !!" as kalim was listing out the bad stuff abt ramshackle, i wonder how yuu was able to LIVE in this dump for 6 months.

[ about : ROBOTS ???? ]

HELLO ?? INTRUDERS ????? ROBOTS ?? WHAT ????? they're ignihyde blue....also the boat ? logo ? on their arms ??? what the heck does that mean ??? ok wait i can vaguely read out letters on their arm,,,styx ?? like the river styx in the greek underworld ? having a headache, are we gonna see the underworld somehow in this book ? wait, if the facility or whatever is called styx, are these robots the "charons" ? they're carrying oar-like staffs + they're trying to capture targets D and E and bring them in,,,,kinda like how charon brought souls in a boat to cross the styx river in myth. (also i was right, leona called them ferrymen >:DD)

(n they have grim. interesting that they'd ignore yuu tho, considering it was them who is the string that connects all the overblots.)

(also don't you just hate it when you win the battle, but then in canon the chars actually lost the battle. so you're just sitting there like -_-)

[ about: ob gang's capture ]

it was. very in character how each of them got captured.

vil and jamil were protecting other people (aka the freshmen, and in jamil's case, kalim) vil is really big on his responsibilities, so even though he authorized the use of magic, he still told the freshmen to stand back bc he knew they were unskilled in combat magic n that they'd get hurt bc they don't know hot to properly defend. meanwhile, jamil was probably covering any of kalim's blindspots + making sure he doesn't get hurt while looking for places where he could attack.

riddle went out with a bang, they hit him with a paralyzing beam, and he still had enough magic power to set everything on fire before they could hit him again. he also authorized everyone to fight, bc he probably believed that a group effort could take them down. as always, his sheer firepower is very impressive, the amount of magic he has and his attacking prowess is...wow.

leona....protected ruggie from harm first, saving him from glass and telling him to back off. and then he immediately scanned them to identify who they are. and of course, leona of all people, would know who they are. i think people forget, but a large reason why leona's so smart and why he skips class is bc he quite literally learned all that material when he was younger. the fact that he was the only one to recognize anti-magic plates meaning that resistance was futile and the logo from his time at the palace. (and that moment between ruggie and leona,,,,leona knows that he can trust ruggie w/ the wellbeing of savanaclaw until he returns T^T)

meanwhile azul was with idia, even though he didn't know what was happening, he got extra info from idia n ortho,,, the way azul was about to fight and idia went don't bother (bc he actually likes azul as a friend bro), and ortho went "the chances of you sustaining an injury drops by 87% if you don't struggle ^^" also. idia being concerned ? kind of ? by the ferrymen's forcefulness while coming in and taking the students is nice to see (and i KNEW it. i bet that idia's parents, or the shroud family in general, runs this Styx facility)

and they took crowley ?? crowley seems to know exactly what's going on, so i wonder why they didn't coordinate their...pick up with him beforehand (they legit destroyed so much public property + trespassed for no reason)

[ about : the plane ride ]

it's scary how they're all in a cramped dark space flying to who knows where. like how inhumane ?? they're about to take these people to do research w/ them, but clearly they don't care that they're humans, and they treat them more like convenient test subjects that have converged coincidentally in one school.

RIDDLE SLEEPING ON LEONA'S LAP IS SO FUNNY SJFDKSJFKS I CANTTTTT the way his leg was probably cramping,,,,three hours w/o moving and someone sleeping on you, he has so much patience onggg

[ about : styx ]

so...styx is an organization that does research on blot. it makes perfect sense why crowley would know they'd come knocking, since they have had 5 overblots that one school year. and the shroud family are "the watchman of the isle of woe". leona explains that they take overblotted mages there. what i don't understand is why countries can't interfere with them ?? or is it that they won't interfere with their research bc...styx' research benefits them too perhaps...?

from what leona said, they handled extreme overblot cases that regular magic marshals couldn't handle aka ones that can't un-blot anymore, so why are they coming after the ob gang ? not only were some of their overblots months ago, they've also all safely un-blotted, and transitioned back to normal life... ig my question is why them, and why now.

(it's a cool detail that the ob gang actually got help after their overblots. like it wasn't like everyone just picked up where they left off, vil mentioned medical mages and proper counseling, and that means that they were able to talk to someone about the things that troubled them.)

[ about : idia's family ]

not only do they run the jupiter conglomerate, aka the google of twisted wonderland, they might also run styx ? idia did ask the charon dudes if his mom and dad were away, ig this is what the shroud family ACTUALLY does behind the scenes of their big tech and energy business.

it also explains why idia deleted all those prospective work emails in the end of book 5,,,,bc he just knows that he won't be able to work or pursue any of his other dreams. his fate has been sealed since day 1 bc he was born a shroud, so he's probably going to end up having to take over Styx and its research in the future.

(and azul. being as on-brand as ever and saying he should've made idia in debt to him....sir, his family legit just kidnapped you, chill)

[ about : iDIA SHROUD ?? ]

HELLO. IDIA SHROUD ACTING DIRECTOR OF STYX ???? that means that his parents DO own styx, and that they're letting him run it for now while they're doing other things.... also i really hope that the ob gang don't get hurt hhhh

aaaannd i'm stopping here bc it's late, i did not realize that so much time had passed...i'm tempted to keep playing but i must sleep. n e ways yea this was just me rambling about what was happening as it happened, so i hope you...enjoyed ?? (if you did read this far)

#/trau rambles #whew book 6 has been a RIDE so far #i'm so excited to play more tomorrow :DD #book 6 spoilers #twst book 6 #chapter 6 spoilers #twst chapter 6 #idia shroud #vil schoenheit #jamil viper #riddle rosehearts #azul ashengrotto #leona kingscholar #ortho shroud #twst grim #kalim al asim #twisted wondeland

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isa-ghost · 2 years ago

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Hm ok not sure how to write this post but it's a fun thing and I've been wanting to gush about it for weeks. Uhhh

Achievement Unlocked: Finally found something that's pushed me closer to agnostic than atheist??

Basically, I was seeing an obnoxious, totally inexplicable amount of hawks and corvids in my area irl, especially whenever I was stressed. So I asked all my witchy friends about it (one was straight up born into a coven, it's fuckin sick 🤩) and they sent me some stuff those animals symbolize.

And then I asked about what deities/entities they're associated with. They sent me a short list, so I started looking into each one to see if I felt a strong pull to any of them. One of them was Apollo, the Greek God of [A Lot of Cool Shit]. Right away, I clicked with him. The god of truth, prophecy, healing, the arts. It's all stuff that matters a lot to me. I especially found it fascinating he's said to be a protector of the young, and I, a psych major, want to be a therapist of some sort (read: healer) specifically for teenagers. He's also Known for being incredibly bisexual, and even though I'm pan, my sexuality is still a huge part of me. And a lot of other things about him clicked with me too, both big things like my career goal and my identity, and small insignificant things like the fact that he's a Sun God and I'm a Fire Sign. There were way too many coincidences and connections I was making to myself while reading about him to just think nothing of it. Most damning of all, hawks and corvids are said to be his messengers. If that wasn't a "Hello Isa I've been trying to contact you about your car's extended warranty" moment, I don't know what is. So I said fuck it, I'm gonna give working with him the way my witchy friends work with their deities/entities a try.

It's been like three weeks now? And I haven't done much but I'm really happy about the concept of it all. I see hawks and crows a lot still, especially when I'm stressed or upset (One morning I was getting roadrage omw to school and I shit you not, I watched a hawk land on a street lamp and there was a crow sitting on the very next one. I couldn't help but laugh). I got myself a necklace with a crow on it because I don't really have a space to do formal practice type stuff. And last night I had my wife do a tarot reading for me, and the gist of it was "you have a budding relationship, it's a good thing and it'll help you, nurture it with all the creative freedom you like and be chill about it." Which is basically what I've already been doing.

But my favorite part of this wild ass development is that I realized while reading up on Apollo that my whole life I've thought of or spoke about something and then it either happened or something related to it would suddenly show up in my life right after. I don't believe in ✨️manifesting✨️ and holy shit I'm not calling myself psychic whatsoever, but this weird coincidence thing has been happening to me as long as I can remember and I've been noticing it even more after looking up Apollo, both irl and in my dreams. I think Apollo's dodgeball being my favorite Tumblr meme before this all happened to me is making a comedic amount of sense now.

I'm still pretty skeptical of most religious practices because I just. Am one of those people, I guess. And I had Catholicism shoved down my throat by my dad as a kid, AND I'm queer, so I have a Bad relationship with the concept of religion as it is. But this feels right, and it's fascinating to me, and the idea that these weird happenstances in my life could be a figure that represents several things that make up my core values and my identity trying to get my attention feels really touching. It feels like something wanted my attention so badly, and I've been happier since I gave it a chance.

TLDR: After consulting my witchy friends about some weird shit that keeps happening to me irl, I did some light research and figured out I feel a strong connection to the god Apollo. He represents a lot of things that matter to me and the concept has made me a lot happier recently. And I'm pretty sure he's given me minor dodgeball privileges. I'm finally invested in some form of religious practice, and best of all its one I kinda get to just make my own because it's not an organized one.

So if yall need a dodgeball thrown at something, maybe I got you. 👈🏻👀👈🏻

#yeah i don't even know what to tag this as #a life update? maybe? idk I'm just happy about this and wanted to share #also this development has been rlly funny bc i can't help but picture Apollo as Vax from CR ��#I'm considering having my witchy friends help me learn how to communicate with him to ask him if that's okay 😆#idk if i were Apollo I'd be flattered tbh. Vax is a hot disaster bi with corvid symbolism too #i wonder if Liam did that on purpose bc Vex reminds me of Artemis too. huh.#anyway yeah I'm trying out personal practice stuff :] and it's been going good and I'm enjoying it although I'm still sorta skeptical

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popcultureoverdosed · 10 months ago

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The Curse of Saki Sanobashi

I'm writing this journal entry to document my experience with a certain film. I'm probably already dead if anyone is reading this, but please read on. I hate Saki Sanobashi and what it has done to my life. Most importantly, I hate the depraved bastards who made it.

Until recently, I've been an average college girl with only one notable quality: I love searching for lost media. Most people get a thrill from watching a good horror movie and I'm no different with lost media. There's just something about the elusive nature of it that makes the hunt so fascinating. There's a countless amount of entertainment that vanishes from the public eye for whatever reason and many remain completely forgotten. That never sat well with me. Maybe it's the history buff in me, but I believe every form of content should be preserved. It's scary to think that something that brings you joy could one day be forever lost to time.

Saki Sanobashi is a name that's been plaguing me for the last few years now. Every lost media enthusiast worth their salt has at least heard of it if they haven't already joined the hunt. I'm one of the several archivists who plunged headfirst into this monstrosity of a goose chase. I, like many others, got hooked on its tragic premise of a bunch of schoolgirls trapped in a bathroom where death is the only way out. The morbid curiosity in all of us compelled us to search high and low for this elusive anime.

That was years ago.

Now? Saki remains a distant memory in the minds of once optimistic researchers. Dead end after dead end had led to the entire thing being labeled as some elaborate hoax. Even I began losing faith in the search despite all the time I invested in it. It was disheartening knowing that one of the most fascinating lost media searches of all time could be fake. I would've quit entirely had it not been for that one fateful afternoon.

It was a typically brutal winter in Toronto which meant that a snowstorm would be picking up before the day was over. I thought it best to go to my favorite comic and stock up on my favorite books before the storm trapped me at home with my girlfriend. Marque Noir was different from other comic shops in that there exists a secret section of the store only a select few know about. Because I've been a loyal customer for a few years, the owner trusted in showing me the back room. I was hesitant at first to enter a secluded room alone with a man due to being a woman, but I figured he wouldn't try anything with customers still in the store.

What I saw in that room was the stuff of wonder. Several shelves were stocked with underground comics so obscure even the most hardcore archivists probably didn't know about them. The type of comics you can't even find on the internet. It was heaven on earth for a lost media obsessed girl like me. The original post mentioned Saki being an anime, but I was desperate for any type of media out there. What's fascinating is that there were also movies stocked with the comics. The cover art on each DVD case was incredibly low quality, to the point that I assumed the store owner hand-made them himself. There were no ISBNs or distributor info anywhere to be found so my theory seemed fairly likely all things considered.

I filled my bag with as many items as I could afford( which isn't a lot for a broke college student) and excitedly swiped my card at the counter. The store owner gave me the weirdest of grins as I made my purchase. He seemed amused but almost in a mocking sort of way. He hardly ever emotes in the first place so that smile really caught me off guard.

I left the store and boarded the closest train to drop me off at the dorms. Though Halloween comes in the autumn, I feel like winter is the most ideal season to indulge in horror. The cold weather is like a reflection of the spine chilling fear I get whenever I read a good comic. I stepped inside my dorm room and immediately began browsing through my latest collection. They all looked so good I didn't know where to begin. As I rummaged through the pile of DVDs, I noticed something that threw me for a loop.

One DVD case was completely blank. The cover was pitch black and so was the back. There wasn't even anything on the spine. I couldn't imagine myself buying something like this so how it ended up with me was a mystery. Still, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't the least bit intrigued by it. There could've been literally anything on that disc and the only way to find out was to start the movie.

I waited for my girlfriend to return from campus before starting the movie. Emily's a cute brunette, but she has zero tolerance for horror. She always shrieks her head off whenever I play my movies in the living room. All that blood and gore drives her crazy. She greeted me with a kiss on the lips and then paused when she saw the devious smirk on my face. She already knew what I had in store for her. Emily, of course, protested but I pleaded with her to watch the movie with me. Seeing her scream like a child over on screen murder was sometimes more enjoyable than the movie itself. She remained firm in her stance against it but eventually broke down after enough of my begging. It feels good having things my way.

I quickly inserted the DVD into an old game station and stared at the screen with anticipation for what was about to start. After several seconds of a blank screen, some Japanese text appeared with an English subtitle that read " Requiem of the lost girls." The title naturally left me curious so I watched on with excitement.

The scene then faded back to black and what I saw after that made my blood freeze solid.

Three schoolgirls in a bathroom.

All of them had miserable looks of utter despair.

The scene was unmistakable. It was a scenario I ran over in my head countless times. It was Saki Sanobashi, the anime searched years for! Having the legendary film before me after all this time was almost too good to be true. And to think it came from my favorite comic shop. I've been shopping for years now and never even had a hint something like Saki would be there.

Emily was confused as to why I was so excited so I told her we just discovered the holy grail of lost media. The gravity of the situation was unsurprisingly lost on her but she smiled anyway for my sake. We watched the movie unfold just like the legend went. The girls remained trapped in the bathroom and lamented their misfortune all the while. As the film progressed, the agony in their expressions became increasingly visceral. Their eyes looked so hollow, their skin was so pale. Emily clutched into my hand with a hint of anxiety in her eyes.

The tone of the video was much more somber than I expected. Seeing the girls take turns telling the others about their hopes and dreams, trying desperately to alleviate their situation, felt oddly melancholic. I was growing attached to these characters to the point I hoped they'd find a way despite that going against the lore. We eventually reached the part where the girls realized there truly was no way out of their situation...except for death.

Their deaths were just as horrid as I expected them to be. One girl goaded one of the others into drowning her in the sink and another clawed at her own neck with visceral detail. The most painful part of it all was the bloodcurdling scream the last girl emitted as she bashed her head against the wall. It was far more realistic than it had any right to be.

Despite all the fear, my heart raced with excitement. I had to write a blog post to let everyone know about my discovery! The internet would go wild once I told them the good news. I quickly went to my Tumblr to start writing, but the site wouldn't load. I tried other social media sites but nothing was working.

I tried stepping outside in the hall to get better reception but the door wouldn't budge. The knob didn't move at all no matter how hard I pulled. My girlfriend and I were both freaking out at this point. We tried opening windows, calling 911, and banging on doors, all of which were in vain. We were somehow completely severed from the outside world. I wondered how the hell was any of this possible when the image of the movie flashed into my mind.

We were trapped just like the girls in Saki Sanobashi. Was the film cursed? That seemed to be the only explanation. I should've trusted my gut instincts and never let that guy lead me to the backroom. I knew there was something off about him and now I fell into his trap. So far we've spent two weeks in this hellhole of an apartment. Food has long since run out and any sense of hope is dead. It pains me to see Emily's body as pale as winter, her eyes devoid of life. Neither of us can last much longer. I'm writing this document as a warning to anyone searching for Saki Sanobashi.

Stay the hell away from it. It is a cursed film that dooms its viewers the suffer the same fate as the girls in the bathroom. I imagine the curse will be lifted once we die and our belongings will be collected by our loved ones. Hopefully, they will see this document and spread the news. Or maybe they'll brush this off as the crazed rantings of a lunatic.

I honestly don't know anymore. All I can say is to stay safe and never attempt to watch this damned movie.

#saki sanobashi #horror #short story #Fiction #Lost media #Anime #Lesbian protagonist #missing episodes #creative writing #web fiction #literature

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literaticat · 6 months ago

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Hi Jenn! This might be a question you have no clue what the answer is, but I can't find anything anywhere online. For author taxes I've been making a list/saving receipts for everything writing related to write-off during tax season. My question is though, do you know if you have to be making some kind of income from books first to give to your accountant? Would I need a book deal inhand with a payment before writing off memberships/website costs/research tools? Or can it be pre-deal? Thank you!

This would definitely be a question for a tax professional, but *very generally*, taken with a huge grain of salt, it's my understanding that you are basically treating your writing as a "small business"/you are self-employed. And the IRS recognizes that not all small businesses will be profitable at the beginning -- there are start-up costs, etc. So I BELIEVE you can start deducting business expenses even before you are really making money.

(Now, if you didn't get any income for YEARS and were continually claiming deductions for this alleged "business" the whole time, they would probably be like "um... this feels more like a hobby than a business, babe" -- and here's some more info on business or hobby from the IRS -- but I don't know if there's an actual length of time they are looking at, or percentage of deductions vs income, or what!)

I would STRONGLY SUGGEST that if you are doing the whole thing where you are deducting expenses, rather than just filing a simple 1040-EZ or whatever, that you bite the bullet and pay an actual CPA with experience dealing with artists that have fluctuating income, etc. STRONGLY. SUGGEST. Yes, it's more expensive than filing it yourself with TurboTax or whatever, but when you start making income, it will be VERY MUCH worth it to have somebody on your team who knows what they are doing. TurboTax and similar kinds of freebie software things simply are not set up to know the nuances of what you can and can't deduct, etc, and they will ALWAYS err on the side of you having to pay more. The first few years I was an agent, I didn't feel like I could afford a real CPA so I did it myself -- when I actually got a CPA, they went back through those years and saw that I'd overpaid the IRS by A LOT. They re-filed for me and the amount of money I got back more than paid for their services, and set me up in a better way for the future, and I wish I had just done it right in the first place!

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napirvtuber · 13 days ago

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hello world

I am Napir Nab-Abana. You're reading the Napi-Log, a collection of machinations (technical and otherwise) about becoming a VTuber.

It's been 2 years since the "official" start of my journey on 11/12/22, when I finalized my decision to make some kind of attempt at this whole VTuber thing. In my head, I crafted a persona upon which I would build a kingdom, and made some efforts to lay down the foundation. Unfortunately, since then, I haven't exactly put in the requisite time and effort to really kick things off. I could make any number of reasons and excuses for that, but when it comes down to it, I simply haven't set aside the time to develop this particular facet of my life. Hopefully, that changes now!

Let's actually begin with a little bit of introspection. A year and a half ago, I began writing a blog post with the intent of being fairly open about my thoughts and process of becoming a VTuber. The idea was (and still is) to be honest and communicative about the whole thing so that in the future, others and I could go back and see where I started, and compare that to wherever I end up. Here's what I wrote:

I picked 11/12/22 because I just thought it was a cool date, and it just so happened to be six months away from a major video game release (The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom).

Since I've gotten my informal, soft debut stream out of the way, I have less of an excuse for myself to continue putting things off, but I do need to admit that I have very little concept of how a lot of this works. I haven't done a ton of research on where people get started, and I don't even really consume very much VTuber content at all. Furthermore,

That was all I managed to write before once again making the excuse that I didn't have the time or energy to finish an introductory post. Over time, this one excuse blossomed into a collection of various obstacles both real and fabricated, like some lingering regret about having missed out on the timing by not finishing the post on the exact 6-month mark, or needing to look for a new day job, or general self-doubt, among other things. Looking back at it, coping with all of this is probably technically also part of my journey to becoming a VTuber.

You may feel that this whole discussion can ultimately be dismissed as just a bunch of absurd, pseudopsychoanalytical bullshit. Having just written that sentence, clearly I wouldn't even fully disagree with that assessment. In actuality though, this is more or less how my thoughts play out sometimes, so there's hardly a better way to truly introduce myself.

Now, I'm abundantly aware that everything I've written here, and everything I'm about to write, is the byproduct of delusion and arrogance. I have no doubt that it sounds ridiculous, and surely part of me feels ridiculous even writing it, but hear me out for a few minutes here.

We live in an age of unprecedented communication. Information spreads faster than we humans can even fully process it, and our senses are inundated with so much stimulus that we have no choice but to partially turn off our brains and block some of it out. While I have to concede that this sounds like a bad thing, and I might even agree with that a lot of the time, but there is a peculiar silver lining in this cloud of overstimulation. I'm not a neuroscientist, but I posit that if we remove a certain amount of sensory information by shutting down parts of our brains, then our imaginations will take over, fill in the blanks, and construct a version of reality where the unreal becomes the truth. To put it simply, we make believe.

The concept of playing make-believe has been a staple of the human experience since prehistoric times. Imagination and creativity are lenses through which people can shape their perception of the world around them, and even manifest quantifiable changes in that world. Today, in a world governed by digital information, any one individual's imagination and creativity arguably hold even more power than ever before.

Due to the overwhelming amount of stimulus being presented to them, people are gradually being forced to shut out some of this information, and thus open their minds to their own imaginations, blurring the lines between digital communication, physical reality, and the collective societal interpretation of the truth. As such, people are starting to live in a state of ever-so-slightly suspended disbelief. It's generally in our nature to socialize and to put our trust in some of the information that is communicated to us through social activities. So when we are bombarded by information to the point where we have to shut some of it out, then use a combination of our own creativity and our trust in other people to piece together a mental model of reality, this leaves us open to other people's creativity as well.

So what does all of this mean?

Obviously, there are some notable cases where media has had a profound impact on society's perception of reality. One such example is the 1986 radio broadcast of The War of the Worlds. Though its tangible effects may have been limited, the fact that it's such a notorious example of this kind of phenomenon is itself a testament to that phenomenon. People will to some extent believe information with which they are presented, and they will act upon these beliefs (for better or worse).

As for what any of this has to do with my journey as a VTuber, that's pretty simple. It all starts from myself, my creativity, my imagination. My delusions. I will cultivate a particular aspect of my personality and my life, and construct an Alter Ego through which I will oversee the rise of an empire. And because I believe this, and communicate this by immersing myself in the sea of information, so too will you come to believe it.

Thus I proclaim -

hello world

I am Napir Nab-Abana. You're reading the Napi-Log, a collection of machinations (technical and otherwise) about becoming a VTuber.

#video games #indie vtuber #napirvtuber

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damnfandomproblems · 5 months ago

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https://www.tumblr.com/damnfandomproblems/754768130433302528/5168-that-one-anon-get-the-fuck-out-of-fandom?source=share

Just who are you talking to lol?

"""That One Anon: Get the fuck out of fandom then if you are That against "theft". Your blorbos aren't yours, then, they belong to the original creators. Go pick up a pen and write your own characters, thief. Never make a creative aspect without citing every single possible subconscious influence you took for it. That head tilt you drew? The concept of a sad backstory? Proper credit only, you thief."""

You sound like anne rice.

The difference anon is not about the characters. No one is claiming they own characters from certain shows, or claiming that they are their own original designs.

Its about how AI datasets are trained on the art of other artists without their consent.

People love fan art. Most if not all smaller artist will love you if you decide to draw or write fan pieces about their characters. Games and shows would not be as popular as they are without fandoms. Many encourage the making of fanart and fanfic. I know genshin impact for example expressly allows the selling of fan made merch and even hosts hoyofair for fans to show off their fanart and such. Its not theft to draw a character but its theft to claim it as your own.

Its theft to generate images made from stolen artwork and claim it as your own original "art".

You also don't understand the concept of copyright laws.

"""Oh, what's that? You don't count?""

I do count actually. If i made a game and stole the characters from a bunch of other games and tried making money off it while claiming them as my own i would actually be in trouble.

Transformative works like fan art and fanfic dont count usually because these days by default as long as you dont try and claim it (the characters and canon stuff) as your own, you are more than allowed, encouraged even, to create and sell those things. Unless its disney. Because disney sucks.

Im probably not the best person to explain these nuances to you

Please actually educate yourself about transformative works.

"""I read books daily. I write and draw from pure imagination, and study artists on youtube to get better at drawing."""

Good for you? So do i lol?

"""I also think AI is a tool that can be used for good or ill, and it's how people use it that matters. Much like how a keyboard doesn't stop a human from sending anon hate."""

I tried responding to this but it got so long and convoluted that im just going to hope someone else has the patience to answer something as ignorant as this.

"""I'd commission artists if I could! I've done so in the past. But guess what, I don't feel safe asking for commissions now on the off chance a artist realizes I think AI is a tool like any other and harasses me when I never would have brought it up. Despite the fact many artists both fandom and original have tons of influences both credited and not. I've seen human artists and writers get accused of AI for STYLISTIC CHOICES that anyone with half a thought should be able to tell was artist intent and inline with previous works."""

1. That's a personal problem dude. Maybe you should reflect on why artists might not like you for using something that actively steals their work. Also this low-key screams entitlement.

2. What does the rest of that have to do with anything. I think you forgot to connect why any of that was important.

"""I can count on one hand the amount of collage art/blackout poetry/drawn over photographs I've seen in public museums that were properly credited beyond the editor. I can't count the amount of media I've seen that nudges at other pre-existing works that was either hyped up for it or was said to justify that aspect."""

I believe you should actually do some research on those things before bringing up your surface level observations in your argument.

"""Ko-fi tipping, Patron subscriptions, sales of generically labled charms and prints and fanart to get around what's Actually being sold. Art style memes, art referenced from canonical works as intentional homage uncredited. Uncredited style inspiration. The entire existence of unsourced, constantly remixed memes.

You gonna claim that's all fine, but anons should expect to be accused of being "techbros" and linked to foreign words meaning "masturbating and crying" for just asking what an artstyle from a artist is called? That it's actually FINE to drive off people wanting to be creative no matter the medium because that particular one 'isn't art' and so no one can want to be a artist and use it?"""

See that all falls apart if you would all just realize stuffing stolen art into a machine, putting in a prompt to get a random result, is not creativity. There is nothing creative about that.

Best analogy i can come up with rn is thats almost like me searching for "powdered donuts" in the walmart online store and just picking whatever one i think looks best and then claiming i made the donuts. Instead of going to a bakery and custom ordering exactly what i want or making it myself.

The biggest difference between AI and other artforms is that what AI produces and generates is not creative. Theres no actual thought or consideration going into most of the work.

The machine itself is amazing. The programming needed to make such a thing function properly is actually impressive. But what it produces is not creative. And if you knew anything about how these machines and programs worked you would be able to understand that.

"""I swear I've gone back to the 2010s and 'is digital art REAL art though? the computer draws the line for you? You aren't a REAL artist, you just use photoshop to edit things.'

"That's still done by a human person though-"

Hypocrite. Get the fuck out of fandom."""

Again. If you actually understood how "AI" works you would understand the difference.

Its not hypocritical and this is a false equivalence. You are ignoring the process which differentiates these things in favor of focusing on the fact they are both machines.

In digital art it is almost no different that traditional. The difference being it doesnt use materials, and you have the cool undo and redo button, and other effects buttons you would not get with traditional art. You also dont HAVE to use those things and you are forgetting that you have to learn how they work and use them MANUALLY.

People who use digital art dont claim its easier either. Its more convenient. But as a digital artist, its imcredibly difficult and time consuming depending on what im making. I have a personal project that has 170+ hours on it. Even with all my fancy buttons ive had to go back and redo things countless times and fiddle with things. I have to deliberately choose what color goes where, what brush to use, what layer setting i need ect ect. And its all original.

Saying digital art isnt real art is like saying driving an automobile doesnt count as driving because you have a bunch of buttons and levers to do what you want instead of ordering horses around on a wooden carriage.

With AI the machine does everything for you. Its about the same as googling a picture of a bunny (typing a prompt), choosing a picture (taking what's generated), and posting it and claiming its your own. (Theft)

So no. People who use AI can get the fuck out of fandom. Thanks.

Posting as a response to a previous ask.

#fandom problem 5168 #response to previous ask #response to previous problem #mod sf

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hippolotamus · 9 months ago

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🍄❄️🔪

Hi, Friend! 💖

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

Twyla believes their house is haunted and leaves little gifts for the ghosts. Alexis finds it adorable af... as long as they aren't where she could step on them.

Buck has done an insane amount of research on things Eddie can do to calm himself when he has to fly. The only thing that helps is Buck's voice though, so Buck recorded a meditation for him.

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

I've thought about this for hours and the best I've come up with is a fantasy/magic au that I would entrust with @eddiebabygirldiaz (this could have everything to do with me recently thinking about red life might stream again)

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

Well, at the moment, anything involved with pole dancer!Buck. That search history is just a smidge different than anything else I've done: choosing a stage name, male dance outfits, leather chest harnesses, what are stripper poles made from? etc. You know… totally standard stuff 😅

send a writer truth & dare ask

#hippo gets mail #writer truth & dare ask #jesuisici33 #thanks for the ask!

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yourdemiurge · 1 year ago

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just finished reading the final chapter of tdlp and mady, what a journey… what a fucking journey. i just spent a good fifteen minutes blasting "every breath you take" and bawling my eyes out. I can't believe we've finally reached the end.

it honestly feels like i just finished watching a whole new crime series, every scene that you had written literally played in front of my eyes. tdlp is and will always be one of my favourite fics, the amount of tension and suspense really had me postponing my plans because i couldn't go through my day knowing there was a new update. I just had to finish reading it first.

if i start speaking about your writing technique you won't see the end of it, the visual imagery, the symbolism??

"When the queen is captured, you always think the game is over. Checkmate. It’s done. No one pays much attention to the pawns, and before you know it they’ve gone across the board and become queen.”

I just let out a guttural scream at the part. So sooooo good I am rendered speechless.

Wilhelm's revenge on Erik was so satisfying, pretty gorey and grotesque, i almost threw up, but still so good.

I know almost all the characters are morally corrupt but I still love the characterization of each of them. I really don't know whether any other work will ever make me feel the thrill i felt while reading each chapter. It's so hauntingly unique and intriguing. Just so captivating.

can't wait to go through the whole fic again to read those little clues you left here and there and see how everything fits into place perfectly. (the royal family in tdlp universe is going to be in shambles now that both princes are gone and i can't stop thinking about how insane the investigation of the crown prince's death will be wow-)

Thank you for writing it! I can't say it enough! your consistency and the amount of research you've done for the fic is insane. If i could just turn back time and go back to the day I first found your fic I would do it in a heartbeat. congratulations on completing this masterpiece, I am definitely not covered in snot and tears while typing this I am definitely not sad that it ended. but finally, all the puzzle pieces are in order. I've had my fill. I can die happily now.

I also made two covers for you as a little congratulatory gift, hope you like them!💜 you're amazing💕

Hello!

First of all, thank you so much for all the love you've shown TDLP. Your messages and edits are so incredible, and as an author it's such an honor to have my story inspire such creativeness. Honestly, you're so talented!

Don't worry about sending long messages/asks like this because believe me, it really makes our day. To see someone so invested in the story is wonderful and really keeps us motivated as writers. I love hearing all of your thoughts, especially for a fic like this where mystery and suspense are the core themes.

TDLP is probably the most exhausting fic I've ever written because of the amount of research and organization that I had to apply, but it's also the most fulfilling! There was a certain sense of accomplishment after I posted the last chapter. I'm so glad to have shared this journey with you!

(PS. I will be posting a little thread on twt about the fic, so you can check it out if you want 😁)

Thank you so much and you're amazing too 💜💜💜

#young royals #young royals fic

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aeolianblues · 4 months ago

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I came to Tumblr to dump pictures my phone's camera roll didn't have space for. If you end up hanging around here at all, invariably, you end up finding some little community you like. I liked alternative music. I ended up finding blogs of people will similar music taste. People had opinions, I either added on to those, started discussions with people, or reblogged their posts. I started writing about little things about music: riffs, lyrics, artwork that scratched an itch in my brain. People came!

It's been a few years since then. I've fallen into working on radio. You will not believe how many cool people I've found on here who know an insane amount about certain specific bands, the kind of research that I couldn't ever do to match 15+ years of loving a band. So many of my Tumblr friends and mutuals have been guests on my radio show. So many others have been regular listeners over the years. All that sweet engagement of 'we have a caller on the line/we've had a text from a listener who says, 'longtime listener, first time texter'' that I'd craved when I began-- all those lovely people have come from Tumblr for me. It's been wild. And it certainly wouldn't have happened if I'd just posted a Spotify link online and said, 'hey look at me, I'm a Content Creator, reward me with engagement!' I'm not doing the sort of videos where I'm standing aloof in shades and posing for a video to look like a Cool Alt Person. (That's lame.) But if I ever did? Do you know who would write ALL-CAPS REPLIES? My friends, my mutuals, and in turn my soon-to-be friends!

People on this website like dealing with real people. You can't 'buy engagement* or fake followers' to make yourself look big, no one knows your follower count. Things that blow up here have no correlation with success. You could have a link of yours circulated far and wide, I guarantee you only those 50 people who you 'engage' with regularly will actually click the link beyond the previews on Tumblr. So there. Are you going to come off your distant-social-media-influencer high horse and start talking to people, or will you just keep complaining that a recommender system isn't just buying you disengaged 'engagement'?

It sounds like a lot of work, but the thing about this website is, it's not about what would look best on a corporate account. You don't have to do anything for it, just chill out here the way you'd lurk on Instagram, but instead of likes you reblog and say what you wanted to in the tags. Talk to people. That's it.

*Yes you can technically buy 'engagement' in the form of Tumblr blaze, but honestly, that is PVP and is done more often in jest-malice, and people will hate you for it.

I keep meeting artists who complain that Tumblr Is Dead then when I check their blog they've made four posts in six months and all of them were self promo lmao. Influencers whining that "tumblr is useless for engagement" tells me every part of the problem, like sorry you can't just show up and farm this userbase for clicks by waving buzzwords around the way you can on tiktok. This is the Excited About Stupid Things website reblog some shitty fanart or die

#also everyone on here who's been on my show ily ily ily ilyy #like 1/2 of Meet Me In The Mic Room was basically only Tumblr mutuals #any of my mutuals want to come on air and what about Yeah Yeah Yeahs or The Libertines anytime soon?#radio stuff

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racingliners · 11 months ago

Text

Life In The Fast Lane Chapter 19 - The Dream Team

Rating: Teen & Up

Warnings: None apply

Pairings: Original Female Character(s)/Original Male Character(s); OFCs & OMCs

Work Tags: Re-write of a previous work; not beta read; dual/multiple pov; mentions of IRL current and past F1 figures; Eventual romance; friends to lovers; found family/work family; actual family; occasional swearing; racing drivers and their various shenanigans; how to handle pressure (and how not to); with a sprinkling of the power of friendship; tags will be updated as work progresses

Chapter: 19/57 Word count: 4.9k Summary: When friends become family

long story short, this chapter is a big reason why I wanted to re-write LITFL in the first place and have ended up doing so.

long story long, when I was writing the first version of Change In Colour, I very quickly realised that I had never done enough to showcase Sophie's, Richard's and Vanessa's friendship in the original version of LITFL, so when I was planning the chapters for this re-write I really wanted to dedicate a chapter that showcased their relationship being cemented. I'd also always had Richard being British-Asian in my mind, but I got too in my own head about how to showcase it properly in the previous works.

A massive amount of inspiration for this chapter came from a very similar scene in the book and film adaption of Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan. I've never been able to visit Singapore, so while I did do a lot of research for this chapter, if there's still some gaping inaccuracies please let me know and I will do my upmost to fix them asap.

Hope you enjoy the latest chapter!

Sunday 10th September – Heathrow Airport

As they arrived at the airport Vanessa had joked that if her career as a performance coach didn’t work out, she’d be able to apply for a job at Heathrow considering how well she knew all the terminals by now. Sophie just laughed and said that her Mum would happily provide a reference.

They met Richard inside the terminal building and went through the check-in process which they all knew like the backs of their hands. Only this time, as Mary had very happily informed Sophie over the phone that morning, she’d had the three of them upgraded to first class. Richard didn’t quite believe that he had been included until he walked into the British Airways lounge. Vanessa said that it was Mary’s way of saying Richard had hers and Mark’s seal of approval.

The lounge was paved with a dark wooden style floor, and scattered with plush furniture across the different spaces. The dining area, all spacious high-walled navy booths and wooden tables, was where Sophie, Vanessa and Richard were sat as they had decided to treat themselves even further to an afternoon tea since their flight wasn’t due to depart until half past seven.

“Your turn Ness.” Richard said as he passed Vanessa his mini-tablet. He frequently played mahjong solitaire to pass the time during airport visits, and as his own set of mahjong tiles was too precious to ever leave his flat (they had been a graduation present from his late grandfather) he hadn’t gotten round to teaching Sophie and Vanessa how to play, so Richard would let them take turns in picking tile formations for him to tackle instead.

While Richard had been born and raised in Woking – his mother’s side of the family, the Liao’s, were from Singapore. His parents had met at university in London, and since his mother’s plan was always to get a job in the UK she ended up having another reason to stay.

Ever since Richard had been old enough to fly, his family always set aside money so they could visit his grandparents every Summer holiday. As such he knew the island well enough that he’d promised to take Sophie and Vanessa on a guided tour of the sights on the two acclimatisation days they had. Given the way he’d been talking about it, Richard had been planning everything since the summer break. Which was why Sophie was surprised that her press officer was now so quiet.

“You okay Rich?” Sophie asked once the waiter had left after bringing over the stacks of scones, sandwiches and pastries.

“Yeah.” Richard said quickly, as he went to fill his plate and pour everyone tea. Sophie and Vanessa shared a small look, and silently decided to leave him be as they switched their attention to try and figure out the different sandwich fillings.

Their flight boarded and departed on time, starting the thirteen and a half hour journey over to Singapore. Sophie and Richard’s seats were together in the middle of the cabin while Vanessa had a window seat, so Richard was able to go over the week’s event and press schedule with relative ease. The race was one of the more unique on the calendar, with it being held at night and the eight hour time difference everyone operated on UK time for the duration of the race week. And while it had the advantage of minimal jet lag – it meant sleeping and eating at odd times of the day.

“So we land in Singapore at just after 4pm local time which is…” Sophie paused to quickly do the maths in her head. “8am back home.”

“Correct.” Richard nodded, picking up his cutlery. Another perk of flying in first class meant being able to have their meals whenever they wanted. Sophie had opted for asparagus soup while Richard had ordered sea bass. “So if we wake up one or two hours before we land, it’s basically like having an early start,” He paused to let out a long, content hum after his first forkful of food. “Your Mum better not upgrade us all the time, I’ll get used to it very quickly.”

Sophie let out a small laugh at the thought of her humble press officer going all snobby as she spread a pat of butter on her dinner roll.

“Speaking of the finer things, can I not get one hint about where you’re taking us tomorrow?” Sophie pleaded, adding an elongated please for good measure.

“Again, I want it all to be a surprise,” Richard pointed at her with the tip of his knife. “You are unbelievably stubborn.”

“I’m a racing driver what do you expect?” Sophie retorted with a small shrug. At that Richard let out a small chuckle and shook his head as he returned his attention to his dinner. Sophie knew that Richard wasn’t going to let on about the trip, she had just wanted him to crack a proper smile for the first time all day.

Vanessa returned to her seat five minutes later having used the complimentary shower. She walked down the aisle in her pyjamas, and joked in an imitation posh accent that she was going to order the cheeseboard for supper.

“On second thought,” Richard said quietly, leaning over towards Sophie. “Maybe we need to worry about Vanessa going regal.”

Sophie full on sorted with laughter, and had to take care not to knock her soup on the floor. Thankfully for the three of them first class was fairly empty, which meant that they could just be themselves without any pretences.

“So,” Richard had said quietly once one of the cabin crew had taken away their empty plates and poured them fresh cups of tea. “Anything you might want to tell me about your seat for next year?” He looked at Sophie over the rim of the porcelain white cup with the smallest hint of a smirk on his face.

“Well…” Sophie started, and quickly stopped herself because she didn’t know what she was allowed to say. There had been somewhat of a breakthrough during the week, McLaren hadn’t just decided that Sophie was their first choice for 2024 alongside James – but they had offered a multi-year deal that Becks was still combing through the finer details of. “It’s starting to look like I’m staying, all things being well.”

She couldn’t even begin to describe just how big a weight it was off her shoulders.

“Just wanted to double check that the whispers going around the factory were accurate.” Richard said with a bright grin, and he held out his teacup in a small toast. “To next year, hopefully.”

Sophie ever so delicately clinked her cup with Richard’s. “Hopefully.”

Monday 11th September – Singapore

The flight landed on time, and thankfully everyone was reunited with their suitcases at the baggage carousel. Walking through the arrivals hall of the terminal felt more like visiting a modern art gallery than an airport, and while Sophie had visited Singapore once during her second F1 Academy season, it was Vanessa’s first time. Once the coach had reached the city centre, she couldn’t stop looking out the windows and pointing at landmarks.

“It is way more beautiful than the TV cameras make it look.” Vanessa said with a sigh. Richard said nothing from his seat across the aisle as he was rapidly typing into his phone. The journey over to the hotel was made a little longer thanks to some of the nearby roads making up parts of the circuit, but everyone was checked into their rooms by 6pm.

Richard collected Sophie and Vanessa from their rooms just before 8, and said that while the bulk of their sightseeing was happening tomorrow, he was taking them somewhere special for what was technically lunch. They walked to the nearest MRT station and changed lines twice before Richard finally stopped talking in rapid fire directions.

“We’re getting off at the Botanic Gardens,” He said as the train departed the station. With all the walking they’d done already, Sophie regretted wearing sandals instead of trainers like Vanessa. “Then it’s literally just round the corner.” Richard looked down at his feet and gripped his hand around the pole above him a little tighter. The train car was busy, but not jam packed which allowed Sophie and Vanessa to sit together while Richard stood above them keeping an eye out for their stop.

It was only once they were off the train and back in the hot, humid evening air that Richard finally started to look more like himself. Even walking with a small skip in his step. He said that they were going to a hawker centre, of which there were hundreds dotted all over the island. Vanessa and Sophie were excited at the prospect of street food, while Richard seemed relieved that it wasn’t too busy. There were more food stalls than Sophie could count all with different signs above them encircling a large seating area that was filled with bright yellow benches.

“You two grab a table, I’ll get the first course.” It clearly wasn’t Richard’s first visit as me made a bee line for one the stalls on the left and joined the back of a short queue, while Sophie and Vanessa walked their way through the mass of benches and found a free one near the middle. The clientele seemed to be mainly locals, which Vanessa took as a good sign. And if any of them had recognised Sophie no one seemed phased by her presence, which suited her just fine.

About ten minutes later Richard returned with three steaming bowls, each one filled with noodles in a dark broth and cooked prawns layered on top. “Prawn noodles! They’re my Mum’s favourite, she insisted this was the first thing you tried.” Richard sat down next to Sophie and even rubbed his hands together excitedly before he passed out bottles of water from his backpack.

“Oh this is amazing!” Vanessa exclaimed after her first spoonful, and while Sophie didn’t speak with her mouth full she eagerly nodded in agreement. Richard beamed when he said that in his mother’s opinion they were the best prawns on the whole island, and it had taken her years to perfect a recipe to make them at home so it would be as close as possible to having the real thing.

The second they’d finished their noodles Richard had darted off to another stall, and this time came back with a singular plate. “Now this is nasi lemak. It’s coconut rice, with a couple of chicken wings, a fried egg and some sliced cucumber.” He pointed to each item on the plate with his chopsticks, and explained the history of the dish in between mouthfuls of food, which again was absolutely delicious.

“We might have to roll each other out of here.” Vanessa huffed when Richard had ran off to another stall claiming that it was going to be the last one. “Still,” She mused as she looked around, taking in the atmosphere of chatting diners and all the different smells coming from the food stalls. “I don’t think I’ve eaten this well all season.”

Sophie hummed in agreement, and spotted Richard approaching their bench with two plates. Compared to the previous dishes it looked rather simple – strips of cooked chicken on one and a generous portion of rice on the other, with two small dishes of dipping sauce on the side.

“Hainanese chicken and rice, this one was my Ah-Ma’s – my Gran’s – favourite.” Richard said with a small smile as he sat down. He wasted no time in taking a piece of chicken with his of chopsticks and dipped it in one of the sauces, smiling as he ate.

When the plates were empty, they let their food go down while sipping on their bottles of water and taking pictures for memories sake. Out of nowhere Richard, who had been gazing off into the distance in silence for a couple of minutes, started talking again in a heavy voice. His eyes that were always so warm now looked distant and glassy.

“Every time we’d come over to visit, my Grandad would take us all to the botanic gardens – he loved the orchid garden the best. No matter which one I’d point at, he knew what species or hybrid it was. Mum always said he was the reason she became a geologist.” Richard huffed a small, if strained laugh. “Then once we’d walked our feet off, my Gran would bring us here for food. And… when I got my job at McLaren three years ago I’d always make the time to take them to dinner every Singapore race week.” He then looked down at his hands, and drew in a long, shaky breath. “This is my first time back since their funeral I…” Richard gave a cough that sounded like it was disguising a sob. “I didn’t think it would hurt this much.”

Sophie immediately hugged Richard around the middle as tightly as she could, while Vanessa jumped out of her seat and wrapped her arms round Richard’s shoulders. They let him cry for as long as he felt he needed, and after a couple of minutes he patted Sophie and Vanessa’s arms and they let him go, but still stayed planted by his side.

“We’re really grateful you chose to share this place with us Rich.” Vanessa said softly, still keeping a hand on his shoulder. She silently pulled a packet of tissues out of her pocket and handed it over. Richard nodded in thanks and wiped his eyes, and said that if Sophie and Vanessa were up for it, he had planned on taking them to the botanic gardens tomorrow. They both said yes instantly.

Richard told more stories about his grandparents the whole way back to the hotel and they arrived back shortly after eleven, heading straight for the hotel bar to share a couple of pots of tea.

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay this weekend Rich? If you need some time off-” Sophie started only for Richard to cut her off by giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

“I promise I’ll be fine, tonight helped more than you could know.”

They spent another ten minutes lamenting how to spend their time since the bulk of the hotel’s amenities were now closed, but eventually Vanessa decided that with the flight and all the food they’d eaten at the hawker centre that she was going to order a light supper from room service and watch a film before bed. And since the hotel bar was closing Sophie and Richard chummed her back to her room.

Vanessa gave Richard the biggest hug goodnight, and said with a beaming smile how much she was looking forward to their tour around the city tomorrow. Richard just grinned and said he was happy to show them round his second home.

Sophie and Richard walked aimlessly down the corridor, not really knowing where to go as their rooms were on a different floor.

“I was thinking of watching an old race, since it’s been years I last drove here.” Sophie said when the lift at the end of the hallway came into view. Richard nodded, saying it sounded like a good idea. “You wouldn’t have any recommendations would you? I couldn’t decide which one to watch.” They stopped walking when they reached the lift, and Richard hummed as he contemplated the offer.

“Vettel’s last race win is always a classic.”

“I can order us both room service if you want anything for dinner?” Sophie offered.

Richard grinned, and reached out to press the button for the lift. “Deal.”

Sunday 17th September – Marina Bay Sands, Singapore

An ultra-exclusive nightclub was the last place Sophie had expected to find herself after the race. But, a double points finish for McLaren combined with Richard’s reassurances that the party was for paddock personnel only, she had happily pulled a white linen dress from her suitcase. And as an added bonus, they’d just so happened to run into Sophie’s mechanics sat in a corner booth enjoying a few quiet drinks moments after they arrived. Or as quiet as it could be given the dance music coming from the DJ booth.

Sophie insisted on buying a round of drinks, and carefully made her way over to the bar. She ordered a Singapore sling for Vanessa, a negroni for Richard, a pear cider for herself, and a beer for each of her mechanics. With assurances from the bartender that a waiter would bring the drinks over to their booth, Sophie turned round to head back before Steve sent out a search and rescue party. Only to walk right into Benedikt’s path. The two drivers apologised with a shy laugh, since the music wasn’t as loud at the bar neither of them had to shout to be heard.

“I guess I should say congratulations,” Sophie added as Ben stepped forward to catch the bartender’s attention. “You first win here for three years… even if you did wipe the floor with the lot of us.”

Benedikt shook his head as his cheeks flushed pink before ordering a round of beers. If the news that Red Bull’s technical director Alison Hawthorn was leaving the team to join Audi had affected Ben in any way, he didn’t show it. As well as winning from pole and getting the fastest lap, his winning margin had been just shy of twenty seconds.

“Is this the part where you tell me you’ll get me back next year?” Ben asked with a wide grin. His voice wasn’t taunting, but it still had the hint of friendly competition that so many drivers bantered with.

“Oh, something like that.” Sophie said with a lazy smile before turning to head back to the booth. “Have a good night, tell your mechanics well done from me.”

“The same to you!”

Sophie wasn’t sure if Ben meant that about having a good time, congratulating her mechanics on 8th place, or even both. But she let it slide when she saw her teammates come back into view, where as promised a bartender was depositing their drinks.

Richard briefly stepped out of the booth to give Sophie the spot he’d saved her between himself and Steve, and led a small toast once he’d sat back down. Given the sheer workload of the weekend, no one was interested in much more than chatting – until Tommy’s favourite song came on about half an hour later.

“Oh I’ll dance with you!” Sophie, who had just finished a second cider, stood up when no one else could be bothered. Jamie and Aditya, suddenly feeling left out, rushed to join them and the four of them loudly sang along to the lyrics as they danced around a small spot on the floor. Sophie wasn’t completely sure of the words, but she didn’t care as she was spun round the floor by her mechanics. Her and Jamie had to stop because they’d made each other dizzy, and they couldn’t stop laughing as they slowly made their way back to their seats.

Once Aditya had sat back down, he glanced down at his watch and cursed that it was nearing 3am, at which everyone had decided they’d had enough revelry and would be better off back at the hotel. Sophie piled her mechanics into a taxi first so they would be in bed sooner and Steve, who was the last to get in, promised he would get everyone back to their rooms safe and sound.

Benedikt and his mechanics all piled out of the entrance not long after, and he too shepherded people into taxis insisting that he would get one back to the hotel as soon as possible. Richard, being the most sober one present, correctly remembered that everyone from Red Bull and McLaren were staying at the same hotel and he offered Benedikt a lift in their taxi.

It was only as Ben waved off his mechanics that Sophie felt just how humid it was standing on the pavement, and she rued having that second cider. Thankfully Matt, who had emerged from the club carrying bottles of water, had thought of that as he passed them around the small group.

“I don’t know what they put in that Singapore Sling but it’s making the world spin.” Vanessa groaned with her head in her hands once their taxi had finally driven away from the nightclub. All Sophie could do was encourage her to sip her water as the taxi drove its way through the maze of skyscrapers and bright lights.

Once back in the air-conditioned hotel lobby, Sophie, Richard and Matt aided a slightly better looking Vanessa back to her room. She complained the whole way that she didn’t need three chaperones, Matt quickly retorted that it was the price paid for having people who cared about you.

“I promise I’ll call one of you if I start to feel worse.” Vanessa groaned after Richard was the third person to ask if she really was alright. She said she would see them all at breakfast as she chased everyone out of her room.

A wave of exhaustion crashed over Sophie as she stepped back into the hallway. Having alcohol, even light stuff, so soon after a near-two hour race in humidity that felt worse than Malaysia suddenly didn’t seem like one of her better life choices. She went to politely excuse herself and wish Richard and Matt goodnight, when she remembered that Richard’s room was on the same floor as hers – though almost at opposite ends. So as they had done on earlier on in the week, they shared a lift and got off on the twenty-somethingth floor, and slowly meandered down the thick carpet before stopping at Richard’s room.

“I’m proud of you mate, you did really well today.” Richard said with a soft smile, and even tightly hugged Sophie round the shoulders. Normally 8th place wouldn’t have felt like much to Sophie, but after her form in the previous two races plus coping with all the added heat and humidity, it was four points she was very pleased to have. “Go on,” Richard gestured down the long hallway. “Bedtime. I’ll come get you for breakfast.”

“Night Rich.” Sophie gave her press officer a small wave goodnight, and slowly made the long walk over to her suite.

She spent the time deliberating whether or not to have a shower or to just jump straight into bed. It had felt like a long weekend, despite the lack of jetlag. As well as the usual race weekend media obligations Sophie and James had been at a black tie sponsor event on Wednesday. And while Sophie realised that she did enjoy dressing up to the nines occasionally, she just didn’t enjoy doing so for other people. Let alone schmoozing for the sake of keeping the big wigs happy. She’d also been surprised that James hadn’t exactly enjoyed himself either, even if he was such a charming natural at it all.

The walk through the hallway felt endless. While luxury hotels were designed with comfort and the best amenities in mind, Sophie felt that they needed to do something with their hallway décor so it didn’t feel like she was going round in circles (not that she had much room to talk since her flat was still a work in progress despite having lived there for nine months now, but at least she had ‘constantly traveling to race tracks’ as an excuse).

She finally turned a corner that felt partially familiar, and Sophie knew she was near the door to her suite not because she recognised a vase or a corner of some wall art – but because Benedikt was waiting outside her door with his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jeans.

“How’s Vanessa?” He asked immediately, but softly, when he saw Sophie come into view. They had ran into each other on Wednesday night, Benedikt heading to the restaurant and Sophie being collected by Richard to go to the back tie event. They’d said a brief hello in passing, with Ben joking over his shoulder that Sophie would find a way to survive all the handshaking.

“She’s fine,” Sophie nodded. “Ness just hates being fussed over. So long as she’s protesting about being helped, she’ll make a quick recovery.”

“I just, well…” Ben paused to bounce up and down on his toes. “She’s Matt’s friend and your friend and we’re friends so,” He paused again, not fully knowing where he was going with his point. “I’m glad she’s alright.”

Sophie hummed, and noted that like herself Benedikt was in some strange middle ground between sober and tipsy. She went to reach out for the door handle to her room when Ben said there was something else he wanted to ask Sophie about, but he couldn’t remember what, and he clicked his fingers together a few times until it suddenly came to him.

“The drivers dinner we’re having in Korea, did Nico or James mention it to you?”

“Yes, I’m on the dinner list.”

“Good,” Benedikt nodded. “Have you ever raced at Yeongam before?” He asked, seemingly pulling the question out of thin air, for some reason not wanting to go to bed just yet.

“Nope, never,” Sophie replied with a small shake of the head. “I was going to watch some old on-board laps on the flight over to go with all the sim prep.”

“Oh, you’ll love it!” Ben exclaimed, his eyes almost sparkling as he started to talk in great detail about the circuit. “I can’t remember the year, I think it was one of the races Vettel won. Anyway…” He began to talk about an old race battle, demonstrating it as best he could using his hands in place of each car. Sophie followed along with every word, until her eyes found themselves switching between Benedikt’s hands and his face. His eyes were still sparkling like the night sky, and she couldn’t help but notice the way his lips curved into a small smile once he’d reached the end with an almost exhilarated sigh. For the briefest of moments, she felt like she was standing with her toes on the very edge of a cliff.

“I will have to add it to my list!” Sophie replied with a small smile, trying even harder not to notice how well the soft grey t-shirt Ben was wearing fitted his athletic frame, and that the colour almost perfectly complimented his eyes.

“When’s your flight?” He asked brightly.

“No idea.” Sophie huffed. Between the cider and Benedikt her mind was all sorts of scrambled. Since when did he have this kind of effect on her?

“Ah, I’m sure Richard will keep you right!” Ben grinned as he clapped Sophie’s shoulder, and intentionally or otherwise kept his hand there for a few seconds. Sophie felt every single brush of Ben’s fingers against her skin when he finally dropped his hand back at his side. “Well, see you at the airport then, maybe.” He smile had slightly dulled as he walked the few steps backwards towards his room. “It was nice to see you tonight anyway.”

“Uh yeah, you too.” Sophie shook her head ever so slightly after taking in a long breath of air that didn’t seem to have any trace of Ben’s aftershave, it seemed to reset her brain somewhat. “Goodnight.”

“Night Soph.”

They both stepped into their rooms and Sophie tried as hard as she could to not slam the door behind her in a panic. Once she slid the gold safety chain into place she spun round and leaned against the wall, looking out the large windows across the city with the palm of her hand pressed firmly against her forehead as her heart thumped in her chest. All while she tried desperately hard not to think about just how softly Ben had said her name.

“Oh no,” Sophie sighed breathlessly and quietly. She couldn’t afford this. Not now, when her new contract was within touching distance. “Shit I’m in trouble.”

Hazel wasn’t anything close to the right word for Sophie’s eyes. The burst of peridot green marbled through golden brown encased in a deep ebony circle. Like a woodland on a summers day.

Benedikt ran both hands down his face as he walked through to the bedroom and flopped backwards onto the bed, looking up at the plain white ceiling.

“Oh schisse,” He muttered, trying to pinpoint the exact moment he had realised just how gorgeous Sophie was, even with her cheeks flushed pink and hair frizzy from the humidity.

He shouldn’t be falling for her, not when he was so, so close to his fourth world title.

And yet, Sophie loved the history of the sport as much as he did, and she wanted F1 to become so much better. Just about everyone in the paddock could see the love and admiration she shared with her mechanics and everyone else at McLaren. And after all the press excitement that had surrounded her, she was still so completely down to earth and good to be around – all she ever tried to be was just Sophie from Northampton.

Ben felt like he was standing at the edge of a forest with the sun on his back, wondering just how bad it would be if he stepped inside.

***

Singapore Grand Prix 2023 Classification

1st - Benedikt Schmitz (Red Bull) - 25pts 2nd - Giovanni Carotti (Ferrari) - 18pts 3rd - Cristóbal Vasquez (Alpine) - 15pts 4th - Marc Pavard (Mercedes) - 12pts 5th - Nathan Watkins (Mercedes) - 10pts 6th - Teo Martinez (Ferrari) - 8pts 7th - James Hewitt (McLaren) - 6pts 8th - Sophie Knightsbridge (McLaren) - 4pts 9th - Jan Martens (Audi) - 2pts 10th - Leon Bauer (Haas) - 1pt 11th - Owen Nichols (Aston Martin) 12th - Nico Dumont (Alpha Tauri) 13th - Evan McKinley (Williams) 14th - Tadashi Sato (Haas) 15th - Aaron Jones (Aston Martin) 16th - Antonio Lima (Alpha Tauri) 17th - Alistair Mitchell (Red Bull)* RET - Aidan Glover (Williams) RET - Daniel Jakobsson (Alpine) RET - Erik Braun (Audi) Fastest Lap - Benedikt Schmitz (Red Bull) - 1pt * - Driver did not finish but was classified for completing 90% race distance

2023 Championship Standings After Round 14

Drivers Standings

1st - Benedikt Schmitz (SUI) - 252pts 2nd - Giovanni Carotti (ITA) - 207pts 3rd - Nathan Watkins (CAN) - 176pts 4th - Alistair Mitchell (GBR) - 144pts 5th - Cristóbal Vasquez (ESP) - 143pts (8th - Sophie Knightsbridge (GBR) - 65pts 10th - James Hewitt (GBR) - 51pts)

Constructors Standings

1st - Red Bull Racing-Honda (AUT) - 396pts 2nd - Ferrari (ITA) - 311pts 3rd - Mercedes-AMG (GER) - 298pts 4th - Alpine-Renault (FRA) - 202pts 5th - McLaren-Mercedes (GBR) - 116pts

#to take tags from the ao3 link: yes I did mention Seb twice you cannot stop me from talking about him #my writing #Life In The Fast Lane #LITFL Chapters

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