#you would get one to sic on kai

[piereoglyphics]

animals are so cool just look at this guy

also did you know

idk morro they just give me you vibes

Morro fursona 😁

What is a fursona. And why do you keep sending me images of animals. And why is he screaming? What's wrong?

[honey-minded-hivemind]

Yandere Wolverine (X men Evolution) and child reader who was created using his dna

Oh! Like Laura/X-23! Oh man oh man, this is gonna be good! Let's begin:

He didn't know about Reader until he'd defeated the scientist who'd tried to control him.

It started with a file he managed to snag from the wreckage.

It only held small bits of information, a renewed project, a Weapon X-31...

He found out more when a scientist came to the Institute, specifically asking to speak with him. What they had to say made his blood boil. It made him feel sick. Bloodthirsty.

They had made a child, using HIS DNA. And they'd tried to make it into a weapon.

To say he almost killed then then was an understatement. It took everything in the Professor and Storm and Beast's powers to stop him from gutting the person where they stood. The only reason he kept them alive was because they had the knowledge he needed to find the kid.

They were held in a facility hidden in a snow-covered valley. The entire place reeked of chemicals and death. He didn't want to imagine how many people they made- how many they had killed. All to turn them into a controlled mutt they could sic on their enemies. The halls were painted with splatters of dark crimson and watering scarlet, blood and ichor filling the corridors along with the screams of those who had a hand in this monstrous affair.

And when he finds them... He freezes.

They're so...

Small.

Fragile.

They're tucked into the corner of a small room, hair scruffy and eyes downcast. The moment he moves in, they squeeze themself closer to the wall. It only makes his heart squeeze in pain.

"Hey, kid... 'M not gonna hurt ya..." he says quietly, sitting down in the doorway. He keeps his posture as relaxed as he can, keeps his scent calm and open. That seems to confuse them.

"They hurt ya... didn't they?"

He earns a small nod from them.

"They won't do it again. They're gone now."

They look up cautiously, like a scared animal cub, and sniff the air gently. For a minute they hesitate, then they scoot just a fraction closer.

"I made 'em pay for hurtin' ya... Me an' friends came here ta get ya. We want ta give ya a home," he tries, keeping his voice soft and steady.

"... You did?"

"Mhm. But, I need ta bring ya with me ta get ya back to our home. Would ya like ta come with us?" he asks. Their face is full of wonder, their eyes practically glowing.

"Yes, please..." they answer, voice small and hopeful.

"'Kay, kid... Let's get ya outta here," he says gently, then gets up. He walks over to them, and once in front of them, carefully puts his hands around them and picks them up, leaning then against his body. It makes his instincts purr when they relax into it, a tiny churr coming from the small bundle.

He covers their eyes, his hand nearly covering their whole head as they make their way out of the labs. The smell of iron is thick, but the kid has their face buried into his shoulder, and he keeps walking.

The moment they're out, he taps them lightly. "We're out now." The moment they hear that, they swivel their head around, taking in the wide world around them. A small gasp escapes them.

"It's so... big..." they whisper, and he can't help but smile a bit at their childish wonder.

"Well, it gets better from here. Let's take ya back home, 'kay, squirt? We need ta get ya some new clothes and a hot meal."

He makes himself a promise as they board the Blackbird, his kid still held securely in his arms: He's gonna do everything he can ta make them smile, and if ANYONE makes 'em cry or hurt ever again, he's gonna make sure they can't do it every again. No one messes with any of his pups, and those who do don't escape him.

[dracocheesecake]

What do you think Kai would do with a protective s/o? Like, does the all supreme warlord really need protection? Not really. Is she on his power level/fighting skill? Absolutely not, the thought’s nearly laughable (or at least, probably laughable to Kai anyways). But if anyone so much as poses half a threat to the bull, is she going to start going off into as much a war mode as she can muster to defend him? Yea, without a second thought.

I just think its funny, it’s like having a guard dog but you’re a navy seal and the guard dog in question is just like a very feisty chihuahua.

Oh my goodness this is a hilarious/adorable thought. Especially if we're going with Spirit Warrior Kai- an immortal- and a mortal s/o it becomes even more so. X'D Kai would definitely find it amusing andadorable, to say the least.

Now if we're going with warlord mortal Kai, then it's still an incredibly hilarious situation. Oogway cracking jokes about Kai's little "bodyguard". Kai would probably give her the title "lapdog", or "gnat". I can just imagine they're in a meeting with another general- a loose ally of sorts- and when the conversation gets more heated she starts hurling threats and insults the other general's way, while Kai's leaning back smirking the entire time. "You might want to be nicer to me. I could sic her on you."

She'll probably try to take care of whatever cuts and scrapes he accumulates, too, all while scolding him for being stupid...

No, no, hold it-drabble incoming:

"Do you think you're immortal?" She snapped, cleaning what many would have thought a small scratch on the bull's hide (especially the bull himself), but to her was a wound as severe as anything. Kai's ear twitched in her direction, and then he looked over his shoulder at her.

"What answer would make you more angry?" He asked, smirking.

She slapped his back, and he chuffed in amusement.

"Stop being stupid! What if you're wounded even worse next time?"

Kai shrugged, undoing some of her work- she was no healer, and the peeling bandages showed her painful efforts- vain in attempt, but not sentiment.

"No one has managed it so far."

She snorted in disgust, and the noise buried the worried sob that had actually been building; his arrogance was a danger, not only to his soldiers but his physical being. He really did think he was immortal. Still, for his sake she held herself together, focusing on her work.

She patched up the rest of the cuts and patted his back again. "Now go get some rest. You'll need it if you're going to lead the march tomorrow. We'll be crossing enemy lines, soon."

Kai rolled his eyes. "As if I need a wetnurse," he grumbled. There were notes of affection in his tone, though, poking through the exasperation, and despite his objections he obeyed.

She waited for his breath to even out, and then she reached forward and brushed her fingertips against one of the scars tracing across his ribs. Then another one, on his chest- and there!- A nick on his throat she had missed.

Kai was an excellent fighter, he was right, he didn't need her protection- but she thought about all the ways he could be hurt, about how his own carelessness could kill him, and tears welled in her eyes, knowing she could only do so little to protect him. One of Kai's hands reached up, clasping around her wrist, and she quickly blinked her tears away. She perked up as his eyes opened and steeled her voice.

"Sorry," she said, "I was just checking these scratches. I didn't mean to wake you."

Kai watched her for a moment, his eyes searching hers. Then his grip and gaze softened.

"...Does it bother you that much?" He asked.

She couldn't contain herself anymore. That spark-bright rage that had been known to jump to General Kai's defense the moment anyone even thought to cast him a ill glance now turned against him. Hot tears, now flooding over the dam of her restraint, poured down her cheeks.

"Of course!" She cried, "Do you know how hard it is, watching you march out to battle every day, you being as stupid and arrogant as you are, when I can't do anything to protect you? Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to be so weak?"

She may have barked much more such things at him, half unintelligible through her rageful sobs; she couldn't remember. She couldn't even remember exactly when he had taken her in his arms, or when she had finally lost her breath. All she knew was that she was now sobbing straight into his chest.

Kai just held her for a long while, and then he sighed, shrugging. "I told you that it's hard to care for me. Just ask Oogway."

That only made her more angry, and she sobbed even more. Kai must have realized his mistake, because he then continued, his tone turning slightly more apologetic, urgently so:

"-Not that I don't care! I'm not that stupid, or ungrateful...It's just...It's- you're only-"

She glared up at him, and Kai groaned, cursing, probably loud enough for the occupants of the nearest circle of tents to have heard it and woken from their sleep.

"I'm not trying to- I mean, I just- I don't...Dammit."

Kai held her closer, so much closer that it almost squeezed the breath from her, but then his grip relaxed. He snorted and then released her- but only to cup her face in his hands. His shoulders hunched somewhat, his attempt to make eye-contact on her level.

"I get it, you care about me, for some reason-stupid choice, really- and trying to look after me makes you feel better...but you're only a gnat."

He sighed and pressed his forehead against hers.

"Even so...thank you. For everything...And I will try to be more careful, if it means you won't go into hysterics and scare away all of me and Oogway's allies, or yell at me after every battle."

And then that smirk returned, though a little less mean-spirited than before; but she understood his meaning. Her tears dried, and she smiled a little. Then she reached forward and nipped at him, making him grin and lean away.

"You better!" She snapped, "Or else I'll do more than yell at you!- And you know General Hayou had it coming!"

Kai raised his brows. "He just sneezed in my direction."

"He could have made you sick! He deserved to get chewed out."

Kai snorted in amusement and leaned back onto his cot, pillowing his head on his hands. "I don't get sick. Besides, if it ever came to an actual fight, I think I can handle him."

"He's a crocodile almost twice your size, you arrogant cow!- See, this is why you need me!"

"What? To nibble the ankles of all my enemies?"

"Shut up and get some sleep!"

"You know- maybe we should put you on the front lines tomorrow, instead- you could glare at Fenhua's army, and they'll probably take off running. Would save us a lot of trouble."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "If they know what's good for them, they'll take one look at you and take off running- knowing that I'm right behind you, and knowing what I'll do if they even touch a single strand of your fur."

"What? Nibble their ankles? So scary!"

"And worse."

Kai laughed, finally settling himself down and closing his eyes. "I don't doubt it."

[momdusa]

So I was digging into Strawberry Shortcake lore, and though the Strawberry Universe was later created/expanded upon by Muriel Fahrion and AG, I found the original "Strawberry Girl" art by Barbi Sargent (a freelance artist with American Greetings) (Exhibit #3 above) from 1978. It reminded me of Holly Hobby (pic #1 - created in the 60s but was a popular toy line in the 1970s and 80s) and also the Sarah Kay girls (top center), Sarah Kay being an Australian illustrator known for drawing happy little girls in polka dots and pinafores. Very demure. Very cutsey u_u

Got me wondering about WHY these little Prairie Girls were so prevalent in our toys, greeting cards, and clothing in the early 80s. I had a Holly Hobby doll & lunchbox and iirc my mom made a Holly Hobby Halloween costume for me (still looking for pics). My sister and I were gifted lots of little Strawberry Shortcake items (but that was probably due more to the ANIMATION SELLS TOYS form of marketing in the 80s). We had many a ruffled blouse and tiered skirts and lots of calico. One would guess that it came from the very popular Little House on the Prairie series, about a pioneer family, starring the very wholesome Michael Landon and child actor/activist Melissa Gilbert and based on the writings of authentic Prairie Girl Laura Ingalls Wilder. (Sanitized and Romanticized for TV of course).

And it made me wonder- Was this longing to return to "simpler days" a result of, oh I don't know, the rapidly changing world? The conservative push against the Womens Movement? Was this precursor to our current Cottage Core just people wishing we could go back to a time when Men were cowboys MEN and Women kNeW tHeIr PlAcE (and weren't fighting for the right to contraceptives, safe ab**tions, and the right to have their own goddamn credit card?) Were these little Holly Hobbies and Strawberry Shortcakes just... meant to encourage the Trad Wife life??

In this essay I will...

But Wait!

JOKE RUINED !!

!!!!! THEY WERE !!!!

"While the prairie look has its roots in the hippie fascination with all things Victorian and “natural,” I can’t help but think it grew in popularity partly as a response to this labor shift. Looking back at how it was sold, the prairie revival, ironically, appears to be both a conservative fantasy of “traditional” gender roles and a mild resistance to late-capitalism. Advertisements and editorials depict a “frontier” or country life where chores are hobbies and you spend most of your time sitting on wooden fences watching the sunset over a field of daisies."

"And for adult women, when you’re living in a culture that demands your labor but isn’t prepared to offer fair pay or equal opportunities (the Equal Rights Amendment died in Congress in 1982) the daydream of dropping out of a stagnant 9 to 5 job to churn butter and watch sunsets sounds pretty good."

"The prairie fashion revival, then, followed a larger trend of nostalgically romanticizing America’s rural and frontier past. But there was more to prairie’s appeal than whitewashing and nostalgia. In the early 1980s, women were entering the workplace in record numbers. A 1986 Atlantic article about how women earned less because they just didn’t want to work as much reported that “from 1890 to 1985 the participation in the work force [sic] of women between the ages of twenty-five and forty-four soared from 15 to 71 percent.” The increased visibility of working women in “traditionally male positions” was both a cause for celebration (1980’s second highest grossing film was the feminist comedy masterpiece 9 to 5) and anxiety (in 1982 that spot went to Tootsie, a movie about an annoying straight white guy who can’t get a job until he disguises himself as a “feisty feminist” woman). "

(some excerpts from the Dismantle Article "What the 1980s Prairie Revival can tell us about Cottage Core" by Sara Tatyana Bernstein)

Anyway, ok, maybe they weren't meant to brainwash us into that lifestyle but still ... >_>

[101ocs]

Leslie Transcript

Note: I just wanted to do this for funsies giggle :3!

[Leslie’s ability, “SIC,” allows him to call upon his dog, Bullet, to attack any victim close enough to him. Bullet cannot kill a victim himself, but can incapacitate them if their health is low enough.]

Feed Grandpa

- I’ll read you a story after this is all done here, grandpa.

- Here you go, Grandpa! A lil’ snack!

- Johnny didn’t mean to, Grandpa…we’ll fix it.

- I gotta present for youuu! Say ‘aaah…’

- I wish you were up n movin’ again. Things would be so much easier.

Victim Found

- Hey, that’s my hidin’ spot!

- What’re you doin’ in there, babe?

- You thought I wouldn’t check here? Really?

- Sorry, babe. Cat’s outta the bag.

- Peekaboo!

- You shy or somethin’? C’mon out.

Victim Hit

- I’m tryna be gentle!

- Awh, yer blood’s so pretty! Lemme see a lil’ more, ‘kay?

- Gotcha good there!

- Why’re you squirmin’?! That just makes things worse!

- I’ll make it quick, babe! Just stop movin’!

Blood Trail

- I’ma have’ta clean this up, y’know…

- What did I say? I told you I’d be nicer.

- Man, I really don’t want clean up duty again.

- Phtt…someone’s havin’ a bad day, huh?

- Yeah, that’s it. Leave Bullet somethin’ to rat you out.

Match Start

- Bullet’s gonna have a field day with this one!

- I’ve never really done a chase like this before…gotta stay on my toes.

- I might be young, but I ain’t dumb. I’ll find ‘em.

See Victim Escape

- We’re really gonna get it this time!

- Shit! This can’t be happenin’ right now!

- I’ll send Bullet after ‘em.

- Goddamnit. I gotta tell Ma.

Idle

- I gotta prove that I ain’t a kid no more!

- That girl Johnny liked…she was really pretty. I mean, really pretty. He didn’t have to do that…

- This may be my first rodeo, but that don’t mean nothin’! I’ll still get it done!

- Bullet should be waking up soon. (sigh) He’s such a good boy…

- Y’know I…I don’t really like killin’. But it is what it is. Gotta do what’s best for us.

Sees Enemy

- I promise I’ll be way nicer than the others. Just c’mere.

- It’s okay…c’mere, sweetheart.

- I’m sorry it has to be this way. Really, I am.

- It’ll be over soon, hun. C’mon over here.

- All of this is pointless. It’ll hurt worse if you squirm. 

Ability Denied

- Bullet can’t hear me from here…

- Nope. No scent for Bullet to track.

- Bullet won’t be able to find ‘em.

- Let’s wait a lil’ longer…

Use Ability

- Sic ‘em, Bullet!

- Get ‘em, boy!

- Find ‘em, Bullet!

- [whistle]

Execution

- Sweet dreams…

- Don’t keep the angels waitin’.

- There you go. You’ll find her up there…I promise.

- Night, night.

- Rest easy, babe.

Cook Seen

- Don’t be hollerin’ at Bubba, okay? You’re makin’ him nervous.

- Let me know if you need help, ‘kay?

- You seen anyone yet? Huh? Huh?

- I’m sure Johnny’s sorry for all this mess, alright? Can you just drop it please?

- Hey, hey, hey, what you gonna cook up for dinner tonight? (laughter)

Hitchhiker Seen

- O-Oh, my bad. I’m in the way…

- Did Grandpa really teach you how to make those traps? You’re so lucky!

- Hey, you should really stop mutterin’ ‘bout my folks, y’know…

- I think you should set a few more traps, man. They’re runnin’ around everywhere!

- I know you’re more experienced than me but…I don’t think messin’ around will do much for our cause.

Johnny Seen

- There you are, Johnny! Me and Bullet have been lookin’ all over for you!

- We should be more gentle with them this time…y’know?

- Johnny…is this about that girl? …Never mind that, we’ll get ‘em!

- I should start workin’ out like you do. My arms could use a lil’ more muscle! (laughter)

- Mama’s worried about you, y’know. Once we catch ‘em, I think you should try to work things out…o-or not.

Sissy Seen

- I’ll get outta yer way…

- Make sure you don’t overdo it with that poison, okay? Ma gets pissed off whenever you do.

- What’re you always singin’ anyway? I don’t get it.

- I’m worried one of these days yer gonna step on somethin’ and hurt yerself. You should really put some shoes on or somethin’!

- Yer flower garden’s doing real well, Sissy! Must be that fertilizer we make. (giggle)

- Y’know, I’m surprised to see you! Thought you were gone for good last time. I’m glad you came back…

Nancy Seen

- Hey, mama! Having any luck over here?

- We’ll definitely catch these kids with you ‘round, mama! You had tons of practice with me n Johnny way back when, huh? (laughter)

- Mama, you think I should call Bullet out soon? He’ll handle this like a champ!

- When I find ‘em, I’ll bring ‘em to you, mama! I promise.

- Need any help, ma?

Bubba Seen

- Woah! You work that saw real good, man! Real good!

- Make sure you’re havin’ fun, alright? We can hang out later, if you want!

- Sorry, man. I’ll get outta your way!

- Are they botherin’ you again? (sigh) Don’t listen to ‘em! You’re doing awesome! I wish I could be as cool as you!

- You’re doing great! Keep going, man!

Cook

- You oughta get yer brother and mother in line, boy!

- Stop yer whinin’ and get to work!

- C’mon, kid. We don’t have all day! Let’s find ‘em!

- If it weren’t for yer brother, we wouldn’t be in this predicament! I keep tellin’ him, but he just don’t listen…

- You better not go off and get us into trouble like this too!

Hitchhiker

- Y-You don’t know nothing ‘bout nothing! Yer just a k-kid!

- I-It’s funny how you n Johnny look alike…(snicker)

- Better hu-hurry or your mama m-m-might give you a scar next!

- You wanna hear a s-secret? C’mere, I’ll tell you a s-secret!

- You still scared of k-killin’? Huh? (laughter) I knew it! Yer shakin’!

Johnny

- C’mon, lil’ boy. Pick up yer feet.

- It’s like that game we used to play as kids! (laughter) Hope you learned a thing or two from that.

- Don’t give up on me now! Keep searchin’!

- Thatta boy, Les. Keep it movin’.

- You see, Les? This is what happens when you’re too easy on them kids! Gotta make sure you finish what you started!

Sissy

- (laughter) Well, aren’t you a sweet thing?

- You just haven’t found the light yet, sugar. That’s all!

- Oh, there you are! I planted some new flowers I want you to see once we’re done!

- Don’t start getting into trouble like your brother does, now. He’s enough as is.

- (laughter) Aww, sugar…you can hardly hold your shears without shakin’.

Nancy

- Breathe, sweetheart. You’re doing just fine.

- Remember what I taught you, Leslie. You’ll be alright.

- Hold those shears up, sweetie. You won’t hit a thing with it swingin’ like that.

- C’mon, Leslie! We can’t let them get away! Get focused!

- There’s a first for everything, Leslie. Don’t get cold feet now.

[the-consequence-of-imagination]

Various thoughts from playing today (end of act 2, starting act 3)

Damn, Aylin. She is *incredibly* passionate, both in her rage (understandable given the circumstances) and her adoration (also understandable given the circumstances).

The Ketheric fight(s) was cool, although after the first part I spent nearly an hour running around trying to figure out how to get to the next part before I decided to just look it up & found that I didn't even need to leave the rooftop (although in the process, I finally found the source of the "suspicious sounds" & stuck my hand in a wall. Twice.)

KETHERIC AS AN AVATAR OF MYRKUL YOOOOOOOOO

Kay, having spent quite a bit of time hanging out with Kelemvor, having read plenty about Jergal in her studies (and then unknowingly met & basically adopted him), having become one of The Raven Queen's warlocks, probably would've mouthed off to Myrkul!Ketheric. Something like "You are a disgrace to all in the name of death, a disgrace to Jergal and all he stood for!".

Finally met the Emperor! That was... interesting. Was just hesitant to take the astral tadpole at first, but after going to camp & talking to everyone about it, it's gonna be a firm no. I was a little surprised at Astarion, considering how eager he was to get regular tadpoles, but given his explanation it's fair that he doesn't wanna be even half illithid. I *might* give it to Minthara though, since she's the only one who was actually eager for it. If I was still playing as Tav, she might've actually used it, but decidedly not Kay.

The circus! I wasn't gonna go in at first, but Karlach seemed like she *really* wanted to. I talked to the "druid" with Gale & that was kinda nice (I also was kinda hoping that *he* would have to answer questions about Kay, but I understand why that would be pretty difficult to implement)... until it turned out it was Orin.

Also, I made Minthara go up on stage with the clown. I thought it was just gonna be funny but then I kinda felt bad that she had the dog sicced on her. Probably didn't help her hatred of clowns at all. And I LOVE Lucretious's outfit! It's a shame it's not in the Basket mods; I might have to do some digging around to see if I can dig up the outfit to use...

[weakheroxreader]

Incognito part 5

"I can't do this, I'm scared, I'm freaking out! You don't understand, the guy is nearly twice my size, how am I supposed to fight him? He'll kill me! Oh my god, I can't do this!" Your breathing was frantic as you tried to stop crying while simultaneously trying to talk as softly as you could. In your blind panic you had called Kai, not knowing who else to turn to with this.

"Okay, calm down, you'll be fine. Don't let that guy control the situation okay? First, get out of the bathroom and go somewhere open. Make sure that you don't do something stupid again and lock yourself in somewhere. Then I want you to calm down, and remember training. Don't swing first, never do, but just deflect. You'll be fine." You opened the bathroom stall and started walking through the school. The roof should be fine. You were still sniffling, so you were thankful that no one was wandering the halls right now. "Kai, he fights dirty! He sics his minions on me, I already got grabbed this morning. I-I don't think if I can..." Kai's angry voice interupts you. "Enough! It is not a matter of thinking, it's a matter doing. You have little choice but to fight now do you? Just... Just try and stay in control. That's the most important thing. Besides, nothing wrong with fighting a bit dirty. Just think of it like this: How is it fair that someone so much bigger is trying to beat you up? Just think of it like that. And don't forget, pride only gets in the way of winning. The only thing that matters are the results."

A strong wind hit you in your face as you opened the door towards the rooftop. The weather was nice, it was sunny and not a cloud in the sky... You quickly snapped a picture and sent it to Kai: A good day to die. You heard him sigh exasperated.

"Okay, well it seems you're fine again, if that was all, I've got to do work." Before you could protest Kai hung up the phone.

So, helpline number one was out already, seeing as you went to voicemail immediately when you tried calling your cousin again. The only other option you had was Hugo, and he seemed eager enough to help you out yesterdag, so worth giving it a shot.

You sent him a message, asking if he could tell you more about Steve Am, but he didn't react immediately. Well, that's fine, you could use the time for planning and thinking then. Wiping away the remnants of your tears as well as fanning your flushed face

Pacing back and forth you were trying to go over the options you had, which to be honest weren't many. You were nearly certain that asking for Helmet would only work against you in the long run, probably making you his lapdog or even shuttle in return for his protection. Hugo and David, while they seemed nice, they weren't your friends, and they certainly wouldn't fight for you or with you. Taking on that Steven would also be stupid, since you had no idea whether or not you could him on at all. You wouldn't be able to take him on right now anyway, since you're scared, and fear leads to hesitation, and that will most definitely lead to your demise.

Well, you could always try to avoid him, which seemed like the best option for now. You just need one day to figure things out, and also figure out a way to get rid of his goons.

...

You suddenly felt something click. As if all of a sudden everything became clear and Kai's words kept repeating in your head over and over again, nothing wrong with fighting dirty.

So what if it's not honourable? The only thing that matters is that you survive, and let's be honest, you will need to fight as if your life depends on it. It likely does. Heartbeat was slowing down to a normal rhythm again and you felt like you could breath normally again. A most devious plan was forming in your mind.

You slapped your cheeks with both of your hands and let out a war(ish) cry. "I'm strong! I'm big! And I'll kick that fuckers ass! No matter the price, no matter what it takes, no matter who I'll have to hurt, no matter what I have to use! I'll win!" With a fast and confident pace you walked back towards your classroom, preparing claim what you have earned. As the door fell shut behind you, the sound of chuckles resounded on the roof.

"What a weirdo."

________________________________________________________________________________

By the time you arrived at the door of your class you felt a lot calmer, and knew what you had to do. The plan you formulated would have to be executed immediately and perfectly. Luckily for you this was another self study period.

The first step would be to get Hugo to talk. Over an hour had already passed, and you saw that he had read your message. For whatever reason, the nice way didn't work on him, so you have no choice but to just force him through other means. He seemed to care about his studies, or atleast, he put in enough effort for it. This would then be his weakness, or so you hoped. It would be super bad if there was evidence of him cheating on exams, so you had asked your uncle for some help in this regard. You made it clear to just make the evidence, but not use it yet. You felt a bit bad about it, just a tiny bit, and you promised yourself to first hear the guy out. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar afterall.

The second step would be to get rid of the goon, there was only one luckily. You intended to use David for this. He liked the maids so much, so you are sure you can get him to do you a small favour if you promise him a date with any of them, on your costs of course. However, only if he succeeded in getting the guy away from him.

The third step would be to lure Steven somewhere favourable for you, where you could actually create a fighting chance. You knew some martial arts, but in this case, since he's so big, any fancy technique you had wouldn't work. There was no throwing a guy that big, nor were you confident that you can grapple him. So, you had to go for the weakspots of the body, the places that hurt the most. Even then it would be a gamble whether or not you can actually win, but atleast you'll have a chance.

Wiping any emotion of your face, you entered with a neutral look. Helmet was napping in the back again, and no one really paid you any mind, except Hugo. It was obvious he tried not to look at you, but you couldn't have that. Taking deliberately slow steps towards your desk, never taking your eyes off him, you came closer to him like a predator closing in on its prey.

"Hello Hugo, why don't we go somewhere for a bit?" The smile on your face lacked any meaning behind it, and your tone made it clear that it wasn't really a question. Hugo still didn't look at you, and he tried stammering out some excuse why he couldn't. "Hugo." Your voice was harsh and low, you weren't sure he actually heard you until he stoof up. His head hung down a bit as he still avoided looking at you. You started walking towards the courtyard. It was open enough that you couldn't be ambushed, but private enough that you could have a quiet talk. During the walk you shot a message towards David with your proposal for a favour in return for a date. You saw that he had received it and was probably reading it, so now you could focus on Hugo.

"So, mind telling me why you're suddenly acting like a bitch? Wasn't I nice to you?" You leaned against the wall as you looked at Hugo, his body stiffening up. "Hey man... it's not like that you know... it's just..." The boy started fidgeting under your unforgiving gaze, trying to formulate an answer. "It's just what? The first sign of trouble and you run like a spineless coward? Is that it? I know you're smarter then this, so speak clearly. You nearly caused me to go deaf with your inane babbling yesterday, and now you're at a loss what to say? Don't lie to me."

"I'm sorry okay? Look, we... Steven is just really bad news. I'm sorry bu-..." You pushed yourself off the wall and shoved Hugo where you were standing. The force of it causing his knees to buckle, making him slide down a bit so you were looking down on him. "So you admit you did wrong? Well, that's good. Seeing as you have wronged me, you will make it up to me, and I know just how you will do that. You will tell me everything about Steven Nam. And in case you're thinking of trying to screw me over," you grabbed your phone and checked your messages, and just as you expected, an unknown number had sent you an attachement, with what could be the destruction of Hugo Yoon's future studies and career. You opened it and showed it to him, his eyes widening as he realised what he was looking at. "I'll just have to send this to the schoolboard. This will go on your permanent record, and there won't be any school that will take you on so you can also just say goodbye to your future." Anger flashed across his eyes. "You're blackmailing me! It's fabricated as well! How did you even-..." Your hand shot towards his face, harshly squeezing his cheeks and shaking his head, effectively shutting him up. "I tried nice, Hugo, you didn't want that, so now you get to experience what I'm like to people that don't do as I say." You hissed at him, forcing the words out through clenched teeth. Hugo looked up at you as you released his face and shoved him back harshly, and he felt a great fear washing over him. He saw you for what you are: Ruthless and without mercy when crossed.

"Better start talking buddy, your pal David has already agreed to my offer as well, so I'm in a bit of a hurry. I'm sure you can understand."

And so Hugo started spilling everything he knows, about how Steven fights, about how he got utterly beat up by Jimmy Bae and how he's desperately trying to stay in power. Turns out, Steven is not actually a good fighter, he's just big and strong, but that's all he's got going for him. The only reason he is seen as a decent fighter is because his buddies helping him out. Not very smart either, and he's easily provoked, like a bull that gets enraged by a red cloth. Turns out, Jimmy Bae is his red cloth, and you, a willing matador, is more then okay with using it in a fight.

You smiled condensendingly at Hugo, and held out your hand so you could help him stand. "See? That wasn't so hard now was it? Howeverm after your little stunt things will change between us. From now on, we are not equals. No, you are my loyal little dog that will do whatever I say. Ow, and if you think that this blackmail is the worst I can do, your dead wrong. This is the worst I can do within a morning, so keep that in mind. But, as I said before, obedient dogs get rewarded, so make sure to work hard for me okay? Also hand over your phone." He did as you asked, but yelped when you threw it to the ground and stomped on it. "I'll get you a new one, don't worry, but I need David to remain in the dark for a bit longer. Can't have you rat me out." He nodded, looking defeated and tired. "Your first assignment: get Steven Nam to the rooftop during lunch. I don't care how you do it, just get it done." You lightly placed your hand on his jaw and patted it like you would a dog.

You quickly texted David back, telling him to somehow get rid of Steven Nam's friend during lunch. David quickly responded with a thumbs up, seemingly unperturbed by your request. You started walking back to the classroom, feeling giddy at getting your way. Everything is going as planned, so now it's up to you so kick some ass and start your journey towards infamy.

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

Thanks for replying! Could you possibly link the rp blog? I love your headcanons! What do the Cobras and Miyagi-Dos think of them? I like to think one of the characters in canon came up with their ship name, who do you think it was?- Cherry

But of course, Cherry!!! Those headcanons were so fun to write :D It’s honestly one of my favorite headcanon/ask posts that I’ve done, I think. I love thinking about how Johnny would react to Hawk and Demetri dating XD And writing that paragraph about how I think Demetri and Eli met was honestly the most fun ride haha

@sipping--snowflakes runs a Demetri RPG blog I think, it’s @binarybrother1! Idk if it’s still active, you’ll have to hit them up about that. I also think @hawkxatxheart​ RPs as Hawk and ships the binary boyfriends, if you want to hit them up too!

Aight screw it, Imma do the most complete analysis I can XD

Miguel ships it SO hard XD Like Miguel is a very smart and intuitive person who seems pretty good at picking up on emotions and such (he was able to almost instantly call bullshit on Kreese’s war stories, IIRC), so I’m almost certain that he picked up that there were Some Kinda Vibes going on with those two from day fucking one. But obviously he doesn’t wanna outright say anything, especially not at a school where kids will get bullied for literally ANYTHING and something like kids being gay for each other could legit put a target on both their backs if it got out. So he lets these boys figure shit out on their own time but is also like “...yeah, they’ll realize it eventually, I’m sure.” XD And you dun best believe he just went “ohhhhh my godddddd” when they fell out and developed a super intense rivalry because he’s like guys??? Do you NOT realize being that obsessed with fucking with each other...kinda means you’re obsessed WITH each other??? Even though you both have other friends now??? Doesn’t seem like normal best friend behavior :/ But of course our boy doesn’t want to interfere unless it gets really bad--and he’s got his own issues to deal with, anyhow. I imagine after the dojos join and Demetri and Eli start dating after a while, Miguel is just like “FUCKING FINALLY!!! Sam pay up, you owe me 20 bucks!!!” He’s so happy they finally dragged their heads out of their asses and realized they loved each other, because man, you can bet your ass Miguel knew they did from the get-go.

Sam I think I’ve touched on a fair bit in my other posts so I won’t get into a whole big long thing, but she’s...certainly leery of them dating at first, mainly because she remembers Demetri’s issues with Eli are what pushed him to join Miyagi-Do in the first place, and she witnessed him breaking Dem’s arm so she’s pretty...not crazy about Eli XD But Miguel and Demetri both vouch for Eli a LOT, and reassure Sam over and over that he’s a good guy at heart and just let Kreese get in his head and fell victim to his brainwashing for a while. Sam comes around to the idea after a while, and she can see how happy he makes Demetri and ultimately trusts Demetri to be smart enough to not date someone who’s going to treat him badly. Then eventually she and Eli bond over what a fuck Kyler is (he bullied Sam too, don’t forget!!! And they DATED, so the thing he did with the blowjob rumors was a HUGE violation of the pretty intimate trust you have with a partner) and after that she is VERY on board with him and Demetri dating XD

Chris is...Not A Fan, to put it lightly XD Like he saw firsthand how much of a fuck Hawk was to him and Mitch when they first joined Cobra Kai and how he basically hazed them both for funsies because he let the tournament win get to his head. And hell, HE was one of the ones who got sicced on Demetri in the mall and tried to get Hawk to back down, and SAW that he wouldn’t. And when Hawk was about to go after Demetri at Moon’s party, Chris was the first Miyagi-Do to step in and protect him. And, of course, he saw Hawk break Demetri’s arm, too. So he’s no stranger to the antagonism Hawk has always had for Demetri in particular, and doesn’t trust that it’s completely gone. However, Chris is a pretty down-to-earth and reasonable dude, so with a LOT of vouching from Demetri, I can see him coming around eventually. Also if he was willing to give Mitch a second chance, ain’t no reason he can’t do the same for Hawk. And Mitch would probably vouch for Hawk too, after he and Chris became friends again--after all, Mitch DID end up becoming pretty good friends with Hawk after all the hazing stuff. So ultimately Chris ends up being at least civil with Hawk, but he sometimes glares at him when no one’s looking like “I’ve got my eye on you, you’d better not hurt my bro or there’s gonna be hell to pay”

Mitch is fairly indifferent, I think, although he DOES find the irony of Hawk now being head-over-heels smitten with the same dude he sent him to beat up in the mall and the same dude who told everyone Hawk wets the bed to be IMMENSELY hilarious. He loves to tease Hawk about it, like “Man, what would you have done a year ago if you’d known you’re now regularly making out with that shrimpy little nerd???” and Hawk is like “oh my god shut UP” but then he turns away and smirks because the joke is on Mitch--he TOTALLY still liked Demetri through All That Mess Last Year, he just...had a very poor way of processing it XD

I imagine Bert kinda looks up to Hawk as an older brother figure (there’s a snippet I’ve seen some gifs of of Hawk teaching him how to block and it’s actually really cute--huge Big Bro/Little Bro Energy) and probably also admires Demetri quite a bit for trying to protect him and Nate during the Christmas party fight, so he’s definitely on board!!! His two honorary big brothers dating--he’s thrilled!!! Nate not so much, since you dun best believe he still remembers Hawk and his goons “kicking the fucking shit out of him” XD Nonetheless, Nate probably also has a soft spot for Demetri for trying to protect him, so with lots of vouching from Demetri (and Bert too, once he and Nate are friends again), he eventually comes around to the idea of Hawk and Demetri dating.

ON TO THE SECOND QUESTION, FINALLY!

I actually think Aisha is the one who comes up with their ship name!!! XD Allow me to elaborate--so at some point Aisha comes back (because fuck it, I miss her), either to join the new merged dojo or just to visit, because ain’t no one telling me she didn’t keep in touch with at least SAM and visit occasionally if she was still in the city or general area. So she walks into the dojo to go see Sam and her other friends and start catching up with everyone, and--oh, Sam and Miguel are in the same weird, combined karate dojo now that isn’t Miyagi-Do OR Cobra Kai??? Super wack, but okay. Then she sees Demetri and Hawk holding hands and her eyes get really wide and she’s like “Wait, you two are DATING now??? That’s...kind of gross :/”

And Demetri and Hawk just freeze up for a hot sec because is Aisha of all people about to be judgmental??? But then she immediately follows up with “Well, aren’t you the binary brothers? I don’t know if I can get behind incest, guys.” And Hawk just breaks out snickering and is like “Shit, man, she’s right. We should probably update that.” And Demetri’s like “NO WAIT I GOT THIS” and then he just goes “dEmEtRi aNd eLi, BiNaRy BoYfRiEnDs” complete with the super cringey robot arm and Eli is like “Oh my GOD I am GOING to kill you” as the entire dojo proceeds to Lose Their Shit.

Also you dun best believe that literally every picture Aisha takes with Hawk and Demetri after they all start hanging out again (because I WANT THEM TO, FIGHT ME) is captioned things like “Chillin’ with the binary boyfriends!” “Eating tacos with the binary boyfriends!” “Doing karate with the binary boyfriends!” and before too long she refuses to refer to Demetri and Eli as anything else XD

Also yes I know Moon was also there during the Binary Brothers scene but she most likely wouldn’t be cheeky and tease them about it later. Aisha absolutely WOULD.

[ecofinisher]

I "borrowed" it from Sorceress2000 from DeviantArt.

Rule: Add the ships into the list randomly, follow the questions and answer them. Don't cheat and exchange the ships for the sake of a question.

You're allowed to add pictures, videos, gifs, anything you want to your answers.

I tag @catcie-moved @tinycandle , @ladyfreya123 and @ladyfreya123 for this, if you'd like to. Anyone else is welcome to play this.

SIX PAIRINGS I LIKE: 1. Daniel x Eva (Mar Salgado) 2. Adrien x Kagami (Miraculous) 3. Nathanael x Lila (Miraculous) 4. Skye x Chase (PAW Patrol) 5. Jin x Yi (Abominable) 6.  Gerda x Rollan (Snow Queen - Wizart) THREE SHIPS I'VE ABANDONED: 7. Kristoff x Anna (Frozen) 8. Xander Clavell and Tamara Donner (The Sims 3) 9. Adrien x Marinette (Miraculous) THREE SHIPS I'VE NEVER LIKED: 10. Chloe and Nathanael (Miraculous) 11. Duarte x Nazaré (Nazaré - SIC) 12. Leandro x Marta (Coraçao d'Ouro) TWO SHIPS THAT HAVE PIQUED MY INTEREST: 13. Kai x Alfida (Snow Queen - Wizart) 14.  Krel x Mary (3 Below)

1. Why do you dislike #11 so much? It got with the time of the season pretty much bland and chliché. Both used other persons to get over each other, but end up betraying them. Season 2 their relationship seemed more fairytale-like. They were portrayed as perfect at least in my eyes. (You know, almost flawless)

2. Who do you know that ships #13? I have no idea.

3. What would be your ideal scenario for couple #3? Lila has a terrible idea and brings Nathaniel along. He alines cause he loves her and he doesn't want her to get in trouble.

4. What is your favorite moment for #1? Their last scene in the finale.

5. How long have you been following couple #6?  Since November 2020. Eventually a few months before, but I forgot they existed.

6. What's the story with #8? What made you stop caring?  (XanderxTamara) I actually don't know. I only remember, that I noted, that Xander and Ayesha were workpals and some day I made them going out with each other. I honestly find them cuter, than XanderxTamara. 7. Which ship do you prefer - #2 or #4? AdrienxKagami 8. You have the power to make one ship non-existent. Choose from #10 or #12.  I'd say LeandroxMarta cause it's canon -_- 9. What interests you about #14? Why people ship it. Why I care about it. Why it is actually cute, when they just spoke to each other for like two times.

10. When did you stop liking #7? 2015 or so. About a year later after the movie came out. Don't remember the year of release.

11. Did your waning interest in #9 kill your interest in the series? In a way, yes, but there are more reasons I lost interest on the show.

12. What's a song that reminds you of #5? Perfect for me by Justin Timberlake - Because DisneyDreamer sent me it :3 13. Which of these ships do you love the most right now? (6) "THeYr3 w3Re M4d3 F0r 3aCh 0tH3r" Oh wait, wrong fandom......you know, these two dorks.

14. Which do you dislike the most? ChloexNathanael perhaps.

15. If you could have any of these pairings double date, who would they be? GerdaxRollan and AnnaxKristoff. xD I want Krisoff and Rollan just get perplexed at how similar Anna and Gerda are until they figure out Anna and Gerda are practically inspired by the same girl.

16. Have #2 kissed yet? Elaborate if yes. They have a canceled one. Because writers fcking realized they're the true endgame, but are working hard to convince otherwise. (And it kinda fails)

But 6 had one, but it didn't get into the movie 😂 Well.....it was animated in 2D in the credits, which is fine. (Source: Wizart Animation)

17. Did #4 have a happy ending? Do you think one is likely?

What can I say? They're just kids.....puppies....I dunno, young.

18. What did make you start shipping #13? I dunno, they reminded me of TomatoFox

19. If only one could happen, which would you prefer - #2 or #6? Adrigami, cause Gerda and Rollan were destined for each other since night one.

20. You have the power to decide the fate of #10. What happens to them?

They just vanish out of the fandom. What else can I wish? They're not canon nor semi-canon, so.....

[hysteriaww]

Presenting: The Bonkai Legacies 2x12 AU my soul needed written!

“You know Dad’s probably trying his best to find us a way out of Uncle Kai’s prison world, Lizzie.” Josie sighs.

“No, I don’t think he is.” Lizzie whispers furiously. “Trying his best, would be getting his shit together and just contacting Aunt Bonnie to-”

“Bonnie?” Kai’s voice interrupts them. The twins stare at him in confusion. “D-Did you say Bonnie?” He repeats breathlessly.

X-X-X

A/N: In all the excitement of Kai Parker’s return on Legacies, this Bonkai Legacies AU fanfic oozed out of me like I was some alien creature excreting fluids 😂Tho I should say, I’ve never watched Legacies, so idk much about the sand clock/dark Josie stuff so I’m not including it.

BTW this was all written before Kai’s Legacies episode(s) came out, so I assumed Alaric dumbly sent expelled Salvatore School students to Kai’s Prison World, but ultimately he, Josie and Lizzie got trapped there too, and now Kai’s happily threatened to sic Rick’s ex-students on Josie and Lizzie in a “supernatural Hunger Games” fight to the death/survival of the fittest situation.

My fic picks up at a point where we assume Kai’s holding Josie and Lizzie hostage while Alaric managed to escape him and is hiding elsewhere in the Prison World, trying to figure out how to save the twins. Hope you enjoy!

Part I

“So, not only are we trapped in a prison world, we’re trapped in the prison world.” Lizzie hisses at her twin. “The one with our trigger-happy Uncle Kai who’s tried to kill us since we were fetuses.”

Said Uncle Kai smirks while nonchalantly sharpening his machete only a few feet away from them.

“Lizzie, calm down,” Josie sighs, eyeing him warily. “If he really wanted to kill us himself, he would’ve done it by now.”

“Smart cookie,” Kai chimes in without looking up from his machete. “Just like your mother.” He sighs wistfully. “Sissy was so smart. She had her whole future ahead of her. Such a shame what happened to her.”

“No shit, Sherlock.” Lizzie snaps. “You literally Red-Wedding’d her!”

“Not what I meant, Lindy.” Kai chuckles. “I meant, it was a shame she got knocked up by ol’ Rick-iana Jones. She could’ve done so much better.” He rolls his eyes. “You and Jody are walking, talking proof of that.”

“Is that why you tried to kill us before we were even born?” Josie asks quietly. “You hated Dad?”

“And once again, Nick’s idiocy gene rears its ugly head. You’ve had 16 years to figure out why I wanted to kill you and you’re still wrong.” He sneers. “Man, my proteges are gonna crush you two so easily.” He laughs. “Isn’t it gonna be hilarious when Ricky’s two dumbest mistakes-” he points at his nieces. “-get killed by his biggest mistake?” He gestures to the prison world around him, crawling with vengeful supernaturals loyal to him. “Nah, not hilarious.” He muses, then snaps his fingers. “Poetic.”

All traces of humor leave his face. Josie stifles a fearful shiver while Lizzie masks her fear with a glare. Abruptly, Kai smiles and resumes sharpening his blade, almost as if their conversation never even happened.

“What the hell is taking Dad so long?” Lizzie grits out. “I’m sick of waiting around like this. Especially with this creep.”

“You know Dad’s probably trying his best, Lizzie.”

“No, I don’t think he is.” She whispers furiously. “Trying his best, would be getting his shit together and just contacting Aunt Bonnie to-”

“Bonnie?” Kai’s voice interrupts them. The twins stare at him in confusion. “D-Did you say Bonnie?” He repeats.

The girls exchange glances. “…Yeah, why?” Lizzie frowns hesitantly.

His face practically lights up in sheer glee. “She’s here, too?”

“If she was here, we would’ve been home by now.” Lizzie narrows her eyes at him. “She would’ve kicked your ass.”

“Lizzie!” Josie chides her.

“No, no,” Kai chuckles, waving her off. “Lily’s right. Bonnie definitely would’ve kicked my ass. She’s done it before.” He smiles fondly. “She’d kick my ass, I’d kick hers back. Maybe I’d stab her a little bit. She’d give me an aneurysm or two, boil my blood,” he shivers, grinning softly. “God, she’s so hot.”

Lizzie and Josie stare on in horror.

“What’s she up to now, huh? Is she still single?” He asks breathlessly.

“I-I think so.” Josie nods and Lizzie nudges her for actually answering.

“Oh, great!” Kai beams. “If that answer was a no, I may have had to go on a minor murder spree and kill her boyfriend.” He resumes sharpening his machete. “And every ex she’s ever had.”

“Aunt Bonnie would crush you first.” Lizzie sneers.

“Aunt Bonnie,” he sighs wistfully. “She’s your Aunt Bonnie and I’m your Uncle Kai. It’s perfect.”

The girls cringe, but Kai suddenly stiffens. “That’s it. Change of plans.” He claps and stands up. “Alright, idiots. If you want me to consider cancelling the Hunger Games to help you avoid certain death,” he points his machete at them. “Bring me Bonnie.”

X-X-X

A/N #2: Depending on what y’all think (and my muse), I might post more of this random Bonkai Legacies AU I never thought I’d write! It’s oozing out of my eyeballs!

[enderpurl]

“Dream SMP. The Meeting...” Partial Transcript

WilburSoot

DreamSMP. The Meeting…

00:27:15 - 00:37:12

Notes: this is my first ever transcript and i'm not sure how to format it so it might be kind of messy! this goes from just after wilbur realizes the tnt is missing up until bbh shows up in pogtopia, so it includes tommy and quackity yelling at wilbur and fundy’s spy reveal/diary!

[Wilbur is running towards Pogtopia while Tommy and Quackity are entering Pogtopia.]

Wilbur: Guys, check—check—guys, do not press any buttons in Pogtopia! Do not press any buttons in Pogtopia!

Tommy: Wait, are there many buttons—OH MY G—! Wait wait wait Big Q— [unintelligible]

Wilbur: Do not press anything.

Schlatt: [unintelligible] —pressure plates, too, guys!

Wilbur: Do not press anything.

Schlatt: [strange ghost sound effects]

Wilbur: I mean this, do not press anything. Guys, the TNT’s gone. 

Schlatt: Have fun!

Wilbur: The TNT from Manburg’s gone.

[all speaking at once]

Tommy: All of it?

Quackity: Where is it? Where the hell did you put it?

Schlatt: Bye-bye! Enjoy your day! [leaves the call]

Tommy: Big Q, come on come o—wait.

Wilbur: It’s gone. It’s gone.

Tommy: WHAT THE FUCK?

Wilbur: It’s gone, there’s just, it’s just stone. It’s just stone, behind the button. There’s no redst—’cause I had a redstone, uh, like a redstone repeaters [sic] connecti— [sigh]

Tommy: Wait, I remember there being some—from yesterday, there was some—there’s more, there’s more, there’s buttons in there? Wait, wait wait, come on—

Wilbur: No, there’s—I went to the—when you guys were arguing, when he was—when he was talking about your fat ass, I went to the—I went to the button room and I pressed the button and nothing hissed and I—

Tommy: Big Q? Big Q?

Quackity: You did WHAT, Wilbur?

Tommy: Wait, Big Q! Big Q, wait wait wait. Come with me.

Wilbur: It was the—

Quackity: You fucking did WHAT? 

Wilbur: It was the rule of Plan Bomb!

Tommy: You pressed the button, Wilbur! You pressed the button!

Wilbur: It was the rule of Plan Bomb! It was—

[Tommy and Quackity both see all of the buttons in Pogtopia.]

Tommy: [screaming]

Quackity: What the FUCK are THESE? What the hell is THIS?

Wilbur: Don’t—don’t press anything.

Tommy: Okay, it’s okay as long as it doesn’t get worse than this.

Wilbur: Don’t press anything. 

Tommy: [screaming through Wilbur’s next sentence]

Wilbur: I thought ev—my chat was saying Fundy put them there, but—

Quackity: WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK? Tommy: WHAT THE FU—

Quackity: WHAT IS THIS? Tommy: Stay close, stay close, stay close—

Wilbur: I don’t know who put them there. I’m coming, I’m coming.

Tommy: [heavy breathing]

Quackity: Wilbur, what is this?

Wilbur: I think, I don’t—they say Fundy put them there, but, I—Fundy’s with—Fundy’s like Schlatt’s last ally. 

Tommy: What the f—okay, wait, don’t—don’t press any of them. 

Quackity: Wilbur, what—

Tommy: ‘kay, wait, take them down, take the—. There’s too many to take down!

Quackity: Jesus Chr—Wilbur, did you fucking do this?

Tommy: Wilbur, this is our Pogtopia—

[static]

[all speaking at once]

Wilbur: What the fuck was th—

Quackity: What the fuck was that?

Tommy: What the fuck was—Big Q, stay close, stay close, stay close.

[Wilbur is at the entrance to Pogtopia.]

Wilbur: [whispering to himself] Where’s food?

Tommy: Okay, Big Q, axe out, we’re gonna have to—we’re gonna have to take down these buttons.

Quackity: Yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah, yeah.

Tommy: There’s too many of them, there’s too many to take down! 

Quackity: There’s so fucking many—what if—

Tommy: [screeching] THERE���S MORE!

Quackity: WHAT THE FUCK?

Tommy: [unintelligible] One of—wait, he said that the TNT is in—the TNT is in Pogtopia?

Wilbur: I don’t—that’s what he said.

Tommy: [unintelligible]

Wilbur: That’s what he s—if—

Quackity: Tommy, Tommy, you realize, you realize that if we start taking these down we might press the one, we might press the one button.

Tommy: Wilbur, Wilbur, Wilbur, Wilbur, is the TNT still under Manburg or not?

Wilbur: Oh my God, I only dug two blocks into the wall, but all the redstone’s been disconnected. All the redstone’s been—

Tommy: [cackling]

Quackity: Wilbur, Wilbur, what the fuck is going on?

Wilbur: My chat said this was Fundy—I pressed a couple of them like this, like [sound effect as he presses a button], you know?

Quackity: What—stop, stop!

[Tommy and Quackity unintelligible as Wilbur laughs]

Quackity: Wilbur, stop.

Tommy: Destroy the ones around Wilbur, destroy the ones around Wilbur.

Wilbur: Hey, Big Q, hey Big Q, hey Big Q: [sound effect as he presses a button]! Oh?

Quackity: Stop, stop!

Tommy: Stop it, stop it.

Quackity: You know what, fucking Schlatt rigged this, too!

Wilbur: [clapping]

Tommy: [unintelligible]

Quackity: You can’t do this!

Wilbur: It’s—they said Fundy did these. I don’t know if it was Fundy, but—

Quackity: Don't even—don’t even touch ‘em, man. 

Tommy: Well, Fundy’s Schlatt’s fuckin’—

Quackity: Don’t even touch ‘em.

Wilbur: I mean our best bet would probably be to ask Fundy.

Tommy: Don’t—Don’t fucking touch them, Wil. Seriously.

Wilbur: This is wonderful. This is—I love this.

Quackity: No, no, it’s fucking not!

Tommy: Wilbur, this is your new home! Why would you want this blown up? Wilbur: Oh, I don’t have a home, let’s be honest. Look, it’s your diamond block, Tommy! Remember when you were—when you were putting diamond everywhere? [he places a button on the diamond block and presses it]

Tommy: Oh, I should—I should probably get—[laughing]

Wilbur: [laughing and clapping]

Quackity: Oh, my God! Jesus Christ!

Tommy: Oh, wait, I didn’t pick it up, wait—wait, who has my, wait—who has my diamond block? Oh.

Quackity: Chill—WIlbur, Wilbur, Wilbur, stop, stop, listen, you don’t know what Schlatt said. 

Wilbur: I’m just having a look around!

Quackity: Schlatt said he rigged bombs under Pogtopia. 

Wilbur: Oh.

Quackity: And he [crosstalk with Tommy, both unintelligible] fucking destruction.

Wilbur: I don’t think it will. Look, I—I—I can go and—

[Tommy and Quackity talking over each other, both unintelligible]

Wilbur: I can go and check, I can go back to Manburg, and—

Tommy: You said you did check.

Wilbur: No, I checked two blocks behind the button and I dug one down, because there was another bit of redstone ‘cause I remember, it went out and downwards, the redstone connection I did, and it’s just not there, it’s just stone. So, he could have disconnected the redstone and kept the TNT, I dunno, we can go check, either way I’ve got another few stacks from Dream we could use. It’s not the end of the world.

Quackity: No, no no no, no, no, listen, listen—

Tommy: Well, you don’t need to use any of them.

Wilbur: Well, no, but I—I will, though, that’s the—you know, it’s a Chekhov’s gun, we’ve spoken this, I ha—I—

Tommy: I don’t remember what that means. 

Quackity: Wilbur, listen to me, the meeting didn’t go to plan, but there’s—there’s things we can do.

Tommy: The only good I know you destroyed.

Quackity: There’s good things we can do. Listen, it’s not time yet. It’s lit—Wilbur, listen to me! It’s not time yet! It’s not fucking time yet, man!

Wilbur: I wanna—I wanna know if Fundy did this. 

Quackity: What are you doing?

Wilbur: I wanna know if Fundy did this. Can we—can we get—wait is that—oh! Oh! Oh! Look at that, right on time! Look! Look at who’s co—you see that little name, bobbing along? 

[Fundy’s name tag can be seen through the walls of Pogtopia.]

Quackity: What the fu—oh, fuck.

Wilbur: I think it could—I think it cou—

Quackity: Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, get in position, get in position.

Wilbur: It could be my—It could be my—It could be my traitor son!

Quackity: Tommy, Tommy, get in position! Hey, hey!

Wilbur: [laughing] It’s my traitor son!

Tommy: [screaming] Sorry, I was—I was thinking about girls.

Quackity: Stay the fuck away! Stay the fuck away.

Fundy: Gentlemen!

Quackity: Stay the fuck away.

Fundy: Gentlemen.

Wilbur: [clapping] Yes! This is brilliant, this is brilliant.

Fundy: May I take a word [sic] for one minute.

Tommy: Okay, can you stand further away from all the buttons? Not that they, that they—they’re—they’re—they’re decoration.

Quackity: Right there. Right there. Right there on that block, over there.

Tommy: On the path, on the path, on the fucking path.

Fundy: Like this one? [he walks onto the wrong path]

Tommy: No, no, no! This wooden path, Fundy!

Quackity: On the PATH, Fundy!

Tommy: Fundy, this is Power V, bitch! [unintelligible]

Quackity: Oh my God, it’s a dead furry!

Tommy: Stand here, stand here!

Quackity: Stand over there, stand over there.

Wilbur: He’s a fox with nothing to lose, look at him! He’s—

Tommy: What do you—how did you even—? Oh, of course, yeah, ‘cause I took—

Fundy: Gentlemen!

Quackity: Oh, I’m sorry [unintelligible] Yeah?

Fundy: I would say, so far, this has been a really fine evening, right? I would say this has been a really, really great evening. And—what a fine evening for some good old double-crossing, huh? Now, let me just say, I haven’t been… completely vocal… about a lot of my actions. I haven’t—I haven’t really spoken to anyone about this, actually. But I must say, um, there’s no better time to speak than—than now. Wilbur, I… might have something for you that may lighten up the mood a little bit. [unintelligible]

Wilbur: Oh, don’t include me. Don’t—I’m just—I’m not gonna show.

Tommy: No, we’re okay, we’re okay. We’re okay, furboy.

Quackity: We’re fine, Fundy.

Wilbur: Wait, no, wait, no, wait wait.

Tommy: Yeah, traitor.

Wilbur: There’s it—wait, something that’s gonna help us? I thought you were just gonna give me something, I don’t want what you’ve gotta give me, I just wanna—what?

Fundy: I… have been documenting every single step, every single action, that Schlatt has taken, ever since he set his foul feet onto that goddamn podium, alright? Wilbur: [quietly, to himself] Foul feet?

Quackity: Are you trying to blackmail us? Fundy: Now if you wouldn’t mind!… to lend me your word for another minute… You see, I got information that just might help Pogtopia to victory without any major precautions [sic], alright? These buttons, we don’t need all of that. Schlatt—

Tommy: [seeing Wilbur pressing buttons] Please stop fucking—please! Jesus Christ.

Quackity: Oh, stop—stop it, man! Jesus, [unintelligible]

Tommy: This is your—you’re being a [unintelligible]

Wilbur: Sorry—Fundy, Fundy, Fundy! Fundy, sorry, before you carry on I have to know: did you put these buttons here? Was this you?

Fundy: ...Schlatt isn’t as powerful—

Wilbur: [laughing]

Tommy: Oh, okay, did you put these buttons here?

Fundy: ...Schlatt isn’t as powerful—

Tommy: [sputtering] Big Q, he put the—he put the buttons.

Quackity: He put the buttons, right? Is this a fucking joke? Is this a prank, asshole? You think it’s a funny prank, or something? Tommy: Hey, hey watch this Big Q…[traps Fundy in a box] ‘scuse me.

Fundy: You see, Schlatt…

Quackity: [laughing at Tommy pouring water on Fundy] He’s like a fucking broken record!

Fundy: ...isn’t as powerful as he portrays himself to be.

Wilbur: No, let—let him speak, I wanna hear the—I wanna hear the furboy talk, I wanna hear him talk.

Quackity: He’s like a broken record.

Tommy: Oh, he has his own bucket, ugh.

Quackity: He’s like a broken record, for Christ’s sake! What about Schlatt?

Wilbur: Let him talk, he’s got—let him say what he’s gonna say!

Tommy: He doesn’t have anything to say, he’s fuckin—

Quackity: What about Schlatt?

Fundy: Listen, listen—

Wilbur: Just let him speak, let him speak!

Fundy: Schlatt isn’t—

Tommy: Stay in the box! Fundy: —actually as powerful as he portrays himself to be. 

Wilbur: [laughing to himself] Furbox.

Fundy: Schlatt is actually the polar goddamn opposite.

Quackity: What?

Tommy: What does that mean? What does that mean?

Fundy: And I have proof, If these blocks weren’t in the way, you could see that in my hand—

Wilbur: [crosstalk, seeing an enderman] Ooh, a friend!

Tommy: [crosstalk] That’ll do.

Fundy: —I’ve got a nice little diary—[seeing the enderman] what the fuck?

[all making various groaning/screaming/laughing noises as they kill the enderman]

Quackity: Ah! It’s one of his hitmen!

[all laughing]

Tommy: How do you—how do you do this?

Fundy: Listen, listen, listen, listen. Oh my God, the enderman is goddamn loud. Wait—alright.

Tommy: Now there’s a fella up there. Jes-us.

Fundy: I’ve got a little diary—

Tommy: [to Wilbur, who is pressing buttons] Stop it, please.

[Fundy and Quackity talking over each other, unintelligible]

Fundy: —some fucking time, alright? Actually, Wilbur! Would you mind reading this for me? Quackity: Go ahead, Wilbur.

Wilbur: Alright. 

Tommy: What, you don’t have eyes, bro?

Fundy: I need you to read this from page 15 and on.

Tommy: How are your eyes?

Wilbur: Page 15? [reading the title page of Fundy’s diary] “A Spy—A Spy’s Diary. Written by an anonymous author—”there are 20 fucking pages of this! Hoooly—what?

Quackity: What does it say? What does it say, Wilbur?

Wilbur: It’s just—It’s just—Fundy, did you do this?

Fundy: I have. Listen to me. Read from page 15.

Wilbur: [reading Fundy’s diary] “The following is confidential information. If you are caught in possession of this diary, an immediate execution may result by authority. Schlatt has a severe addiction to alcohol and cigarettes to suppress his aching body.” What, is that for his gains? “He is unwilling to get it checked due to his pride. If the symptoms progress, he might suffer fatal consequences. Schlatt is incapable of swimming. After further inspection it seems to be a form of muscle atrophy. He uses protein supplements to regain a viable level of strength. He seems to get weaker by the day. Schlatt is surprisingly unaware of the concerns and state of Manburg. He is unaware of how in reality he stands alone. Schlatt has no power. His entire stand is a facade. In fact, he is at his weakest point as we speak.”

Quackity: I FUCKING KNEW IT, [muffled] OH MY GOD!

Tommy: What’s a—what’s a facade?

Wilbur: It’s like a—it’s like a—it’s like something you put on the front—It’s like a front.

Tommy: Sounds like a French [unintelligible] or something.

Wilbur: It’s a French—[laughing] It’s a front, it’s a front you put up to—

Tommy: What, is it French? You better not be French.

Quackity: Are you French, Fundy?

Fundy: I’m not Fr—[sighs]

Quackity: [laughing]

Tommy: Oh, no! Oh, fuck!

Fundy: Listen, listen!

Tommy: Oh, we can’t team with the French!

Quackity: Jesus Christ, Fundy!

[all laughing]

Quackity: You come in here with the—with the audacity of being French?

Fundy: That’s the outcome of this? That’s the outcome you pull out of a diary that I’ve written every single fucking set that—oh, okay.

Tommy: I’m sorry, I mean, that’s—

Quackity: [groaning] [to Wilbur, who is pressing buttons again] Stop. Wilbur, Jesus.

Tommy: I mean, everyone was thinking it, I’m the only one who had the balls to—sorry.

Quackity: [laughing] Anyway.

Tommy: Anyway. So…

Fundy: God fucking da—listen.

Quackity: What do you want from this? What do you want from this [unintelligible]? Wilbur: Wait, no, what do you mean what does he want from this? Big Q, could you not see?

Tommy: WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE—[screaming, laughing]

Quackity: What the hell?

Tommy: WHAT THE SHIT?

[BadBoyHalo is in Pogtopia.]

[puttingherinhistory]

December 27, 2015 by Suzannah Weiss

I was young when I came to discover masturbation, and I had orgasms long before I knew what they were.

Nothing about it seemed complicated. I just rubbed “down there” for a few minutes, and it happened. But later, magazines, comedy routines, and sitcoms taught me that my body – and vaginas in general – were mysterious and complex, often too complex for those without them to figure out.

Confirming what I’d been taught, orgasms weren’t as simple with partners as they were by myself. This is to be expected to some extent. There’s a learning curve when you’re getting to know someone new. But what confused me was that not everyone seemed eager to learn.

“Sorry,” I (unnecessarily) apologized to a partner for taking what I thought was too long.

“It’s okay. I know it’s harder for girls,” he said – and then stopped.

Compounding the lack of effort I encountered from some (though not all) partners, it became harder for me to orgasm when I started SSRI antidepressants. When I told my doctor, she said, “Oh, that’s hard for a lot of women anyway.”

I knew my body long and well enough to know being a woman wasn’t to blame, but others didn’t share my view that the problem was fixable. I grew hesitant to bring it up with partners out of fear that asking them to perform the supposedly impossible feat of getting a woman off was too demanding.

Orgasm doesn’t have to be the focus of sex, but if a woman wants one, she should have as much of a right to request it as anyone else does.

When people say that women’s bodies are more difficult – and these generalizations typically refer to cis women and are accompanied by rants about how complicated vaginas are – they teach cis women that an orgasm is too tall an order.

Trans women also have a slew of sexual stigmas attached to them, which Kai Cheng Thom describes here, though they’re beyond the scope of this article. In addition, though most research on orgasm inequity has studied cis women, trans and non-binary people with vaginas may relate to the frustrations of being taught their genitals are impossible to decode, too.

The view that cis women are hard to please maintains what sociologists call the orgasm gap, in which men have three orgasms for every one a woman enjoys, and 57% of women orgasm during all or most of their sexual encounters, but 95% say their partners do.

These statistics may appear to confirm the stereotype that women’s bodies are more complicated, but there are other forces at work.

As sociologist Lisa Wade points out, the orgasm gap is conditional. Lesbians report orgasming 74.7% of the time, only 10 percentage points lower than gay men. In addition, women take under four minutes on average to masturbate to orgasm.

If these statistics don’t convince you that there’s more to the orgasm gap than biology, here are twelve cultural factors that contribute to it.

1. People Believe Women Are Less Sexual

Women, the story goes, aren’t that into sex.

They may enjoy it, but they do it partially in exchange for validation, commitment, or financial support, popular wisdom says. As long as a woman is getting one of those things, she doesn’t need much out of the sex itself.

To the contrary, a lot of research and lived experiences indicate that women are as capable of wanting and enjoying sex as men.

Until we acknowledge this, we won’t prioritize making sex as enjoyable as possible for women because we’ll believe sexual pleasure isn’t as important to them.

It may not be because women themselves may buy into myths about their gender, neglecting their desires because they’re not supposed to have them. If they do, they and their partners miss out on balanced sexual interactions, not to mention fun.

2. Pornography Privileges Male Pleasure

Most people who have watched porn videos know they typically culminate with a “money shot” in which the man comes, and then the scene ends. Most woman-focused orgasms depicted in porn are merely incidental events on the path to a man’s pleasure.

Additionally, most mainstream porn scenes feel incomplete without blow jobs, while cunnilingus is less common.

All in all, the message is clear: It’s imperative that a man gets off, and if a woman manages to in the process, props to him, but it’s just an added bonus.

3. The Myth of ‘Blue Balls’ Persists

Blue balls, according to Urban Dictionary, is “the excrutiating [sic] pain a man receives when his balls swell to the size of coconuts because of lack of sex, unfinished bjs, and just not cummin when he knows he should.”

The entitlement reflected in this description is characteristic of most uses of the term “blue balls.” While vasocongestion, the accumulation of blood flow to the genitals, can occasionally cause mild pain in people with any genitals, this is not what men are usually referring to when they complain about blue balls. And whether they’re experiencing this or just sexual frustration, it’s never anyone else’s duty to relieve it.

Even though most women know no medical condition results from an erection that doesn’t lead to an orgasm, many of us feel guilty for not providing one. So, in addition to some men’s lack of effort to pleasure women, the pressure many women feel to pleasure men maintains the orgasm gap.

4. There’s More Information in the Media About Pleasing Cis Men Than Women

As a teenager, my secret guilty pleasure was buying copies of Cosmo from the drugstore and hiding them under my pillow to read at night.

I read all their sex articles just because I found anything sex-related titillating, but along the way, I learned all about different tricks to please men – and cis men, specifically. By the time I encountered a real-life penis, I already knew all the basic tricks in the book, plus some out-there ones my dude friends urged me not to try.

I don’t know what most teenage boys’ secret reading material was, but there aren’t many mainstream men’s magazines as obsessed with pleasing women as women’s are with pleasing men. If anything, I’ve heard it’s common for boys to sneak glimpses of Playboy, which is also geared toward pleasing men.

Maybe this explains why 25% of men and 30% of women can’t locate the clitoris on a diagram.

Amid all the advice we read about different ways to hold and touch a penis, many remain in the dark about vulvas and vaginas.

5. Hookup Culture Privileges Male Pleasure

“I will do everything in my power to, like whoever I’m with, to get [him] off,” one woman said in a study by Elizabeth Armstrong on college hookups. But when it came to their own pleasure, women held different expectations.

“The guy kind of expects to get off, while the girl doesn’t expect anything,” a woman in another study by Lisa Wade said.

Accordingly, one man in Armstrong’s study boasted, “I’m all about making her orgasm,” but when asked to clarify the word “her,” he added, “Girlfriend her. In a hookup her, I don’t give a shit.” Perhaps he sensed that women don’t expect much from their hookups.

Statistics about women’s orgasms reflect these attitudes.

The ratio of men’s and women’s orgasms is 3.1:1 for first-time hookups, but only 1.25:1 for relationships.

For whatever reason, hookup culture appears to have embraced the message espoused by the media that women’s orgasms are optional, while men’s are obligatory.

6. Sex Education Doesn’t Teach Us About Pleasure, Especially Female Pleasure

Like many schools in the US, mine only had a couple of days a year dedicated to sex education in middle and high school. During the initial classes on puberty, the portion about women was on periods and the portion about men was on erections, ejaculation, and wet dreams.

Already, our bodies were associated with making babies, while boys’ were associated with sexual arousal and pleasure.

Later on, we learned how to use a condom – along with how to complete a very normative sequence of events. You put it on, we were told, and then you have intercourse, and then someone ejaculates, and then you pull out and take it off. Men’s orgasms, but not women’s, were built into our safer sex lesson.

Nobody said “then you stop whenever you feel like it” or “your partner may need you to pull out” (because, contrary to what we see in porn, not every woman is multi-orgasmic and many have a refractory period, so we can’t all comfortably keep going until our partner wants to stop).

This is one sneaky way we learn to prioritize men’s pleasure without ever really learning about pleasure at all.

7. Self-Evaluative Thoughts Can Disrupt Women’s Arousal Process

Due to the emphasis on women’s appearances in mainstream porn and throughout the media, women learn to picture themselves during sex.

“How does my stomach look from this angle,” “Does my face look sexy or silly in this expression,” and “Would it be sexier if I made more noise?” are a few thoughts that have distracted me in the bedroom.

And I don’t think I’m alone: 32% of women say that when they don’t orgasm, it’s often because they’re stuck in their heads or focused on their looks.

Orgasm itself can become a source of performance anxiety.

Because the women’s orgasms are dramatized in porn and the media, with exaggerated moans and calculated facial expressions, some women feel so much pressure that fear of not coming keeps them from coming. This pressure can also lead women to fake orgasms instead of sticking it out for a real one.

Once again, women’s magazines don’t help.

Cosmo even provides a guide on “how to look even hotter naked.” Though “even” implies the reader looks hot already, the pre-bedroom workout routine and self-tanner application tips make it clear we don’t look as hot as we could – and even if we do, the focus is still on our partner’s pleasure, not what we see or feel.

Thoughts about partners’ perceptions place women outside their bodies, looking in, rather than inside them, feeling the sensations the sexual activity is causing. It’s hard to have an orgasm when you’re not even thinking sexual thoughts.

8. Sexual Trauma Can Impede Arousal and Orgasm

It’s extremely common for women to experience sexual trauma within their lifetimes. One out of six women has been the victim of attempted or completed rape.

According to sex therapist Vanessa Marin, this trauma can have lasting effects on one’s sex life.

“Sexual assault can rob your enjoyment of sex and can make any type of intimacy feel scary,” she said. “Some survivors experience feelings of disconnect or dissociation when they’re having sex. Others can easily get triggered by being touched in certain places or in specific ways.”

Marin recommends that survivors seek out therapy or a support group so they don’t have to deal with the effects of their pasts alone.

In the short-term, Marin has written that reminding yourself you’re with your partner, not the person who assaulted you, can quell trauma-related sexual problems. “Of course your brain knows that it’s [them], but this exercise can help the more subconscious parts of your psyche start to relax,” she writes.

Other emotions women disproportionately experience around sex, such as guilt and shame, may also lead to anorgasmia.

9. More Women Than Men Are on Antidepressants

SSRI antidepressants, like Prozac and Zoloft, can cause anorgasmia. This side effect isn’t gender-specific, but antidepressants themselves are.

Between 2001 and 2010, 25% of American women (but only 15% of men) had been prescribed medication for mental health conditions.

This may occur because women are more likely to suffer from anxiety and depression, both frequently treated with SSRIs, the medication class most commonly known to cause anorgasmia. There are many theories as to why, but one possible source of this difference is societal misogyny.

As Ally Boghun writes of her anxiety, “A lot of the stressors that impact me the most are actually stressors put upon women by society to look and act in certain ways.” In addition, women are more likely to seek therapy, since toxic standards of masculinity deter men from discussing their emotions.

This is one case where the orgasm gap may be related to biological differences, but the sources of these differences are still societal.

10. Women Are Discouraged from Asking for What They Want

Women are taught to accommodate others’ wishes and put their own on the back burner, to be pleasant and polite and grateful and not ask for more, whether that’s food, payment, or sexual pleasure.

To bring back Armstrong’s research, one woman said she didn’t have the “right” to request an orgasm and “felt kind of guilty almost, like I felt like I was kind of subjecting [guys] to something they didn’t want to do and I felt bad about it.”

I can relate: I’ve said “sorry” many times for requesting or giving myself the stimulation I wanted, for taking what I thought was too much time, and for receiving pleasure without immediately returning it.

The same fear that keeps women from voicing their opinions in work meetings or negotiating salaries also keeps us from speaking up in bed.

But until we can “lean in” without bumping into hostility, women can’t singlehandedly solve this problem in any domain. It’s also up to our partners, coworkers, and others to make it clear they want to hear and accommodate our wishes.

11. The Normative Definition of Sex Isn’t Optimal for Many Women’s Orgasms

When someone says “sex,” most people think of penis-in-vagina intercourse, even though it means many different things to different people.

For example, some couples may see oral sex as sex. Some may also put oral or manual sex on the same level as penetrative sex, but this is still not the norm.

When someone talks about losing their virginity, for instance, we usually assume they’re talking about the first time they had penis-in-vagina intercourse.

This assumption can be problematic for women who get off more easily through other activities.

In one survey, 20% of women said they seldom or never had orgasms during intercourse. Only 25% said they consistently do. In another, 38% said that when they don’t orgasm, a common obstacle is “not enough clitoral stimulation.”

Since penetrative sex often doesn’t directly stimulate the clitoris, this could explain why other types of sex – or clitoral stimulation during intercourse, which women considered the most common way they got off with a partner – may be more optimal.

When we consider the activities that often help women reach orgasm as warmup or extra, we deprioritize women’s pleasure.

12. People Think the Orgasm Gap Is Biological

Orgasm inequity is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

When men believe women’s bodies are an impossible puzzle, they don’t try to solve it. Neither do women who are taught their own pleasure is inaccessible.

That’s why it’s important we acknowledge all the societal factors that contribute to this discrepancy. Genetics can’t be fixed, but a lot of these problems can, which means that closing the orgasm gap is possible.

***

If you’re a woman having trouble orgasming, it’s likely not you. It may not be the result of any carelessness on your partner’s part either. You may just need to talk about it, challenge the myths you’ve learned about sexuality, and, if necessary, seek help for any psychological or medical conditions that could be contributing to the problem.

Or maybe it’s not a problem at all. Maybe orgasming isn’t important to you, and that’s your choice as well. But if it is something you would like, you have the same right to ask for it as your partner. If he expects orgasms from you, he shouldn’t mind you wanting one.

It’s not too much to ask, and your anatomy isn’t too complicated. The only thing that’s complicated is the toxic set of messages we’re taught about sexuality. But that’s not on you or your body.

[sabraeal]

Sic Semper Monstrum, Chapter 4

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

Obiyuki AU Bingo Pacific Rim AU

“--And so Kai lays down his hand, and says ‘Is this good?’“ Zen lets his mouth unfurl into a smirk. “It was a straight flush. Ace, king, queen, jack, ten, all out on the table. ‘Is this good?’ Kid didn’t even know what he had!”

Shirayuki’s laugh is an experience; a noise that rolls right up from her toes and bubbles out like the best champagne he’s ever drunk. Shao Industries may have their adrenaline in a bottle, ready to serve up to any ranger who needs a boost in the cockpit, but his stimulant of choice is this, bottled up and shot directly into his veins.

He settles back on the couch, arm draped over the back and legs crossed ankle to knee, and there’s nothing like this feeling, having the power to make her laugh like she’s falling to pieces and watching her as she does. Zen may not be the funniest guy on deck, but she’s flushed right down to the roots of her hair, arms wrapped around herself like she’s afraid she’s going to come apart like a Mark 1.

“A-and you told him?” She reaches out a hand, curling trembling fingers around her mug. That was the real sign that he’d gotten her; Shirayuki never put down her tea. “That he’d won?”

“Well...” Her watches as she turns the mug, delaying the pick up as she waits for his punchline. He likes that about her too, the way she anticipates him. “Shiira told him he lost.”

She shrieks, hands flying up to cover her mouth. “Zen!”

“Don’t worry, don’t worry.” He waves his hands, patting the air to say settle down. “Mitsuhide caught us and made Shiira give him the pot. Well--” he gives her a wink-- “what he hadn’t already spent.”

“That’s terrible,” she says with the sort of playful lilt girls at the academy bars would have, slapping him on the shoulder for an excuse to touch him. “I’m glad you got caught. I hope Mitsuhide gave you the scolding of a lifetime.”

“Almost.” He grins, liking how her cheeks flush. “He made a very disappointed face for most of breakfast.”

“Oh, well.” She ducks her head, fingers picking at some nit on her tights. “That’s just as bad.”

“I felt the barest shred of contrition,” he assures her, “I’ll never lie again.”

“Oh good.” Her mouth curves as she sends him a shy glance, hooded beneath her eyelashes. “As long as you’ve learned your lesson.”

“I’m a changed man,” he promises, offering a smirk he hopes is both charming and roguish, and glad Kiki isn’t here to inform him otherwise. Or to tell him that someone is already doing it better.

Whatever, he can make her laugh. Not many other men can do that.

“So.” Shirayuki starts reaching behind herself, arm flailing out blindly for the desk, and he realizes-- the notebook. She’s going for her notebook.

Right, because this isn’t just a fancy living room, and this isn’t just a friendly chat. He’s a patient, and she’s a professional, and the second she gets that notebook in her lap, he’ll feel it, feel studied, like a slice of kaiju under a microscope.

Her fingers clasp around the spiral edge. “Is there anything--?”

“Your tea’s going to get cold,” he blurts out, anything to delay the inevitable wall between them. The knot in his chest eases as her grip does, her gaze dropping to the mug on the table. “I mean, if you just leave it there.”

“My--? Oh!” She presses a palm against the ceramic, grimacing. “Oh my. It must be getting late.”

Well, this was exactly what he didn’t wanted to happen. “Is it?”

She twists around, glancing at the clock above her desk. “We’ve nearly gone over time! I’m so sorry.” She turning back to him with a sheepish smile. “You probably want to be on your way.”

“I don’t have anywhere to be.” Even to his own ears he sounds desperate. “If you’d like some company.”

“I appreciate the offer.” Shirayuki sends him a smile that makes him warm right up from his toes-- and then grabs that damned notebook right off the desk and lays it across her lap. “But I do need to wrap up here.”

She’s too polite to add, because you’re a patient and this is work, but he’s been around his brother long enough to hear what isn’t said, loud and clear. He might be able to make her forget that, just for a little while, but at the end of the day--

Well, she wasn’t lying to Izana when she said she was too much of a professional to let feelings get in the way of her work. As much as he wishes that wasn’t the case.

“All right.” He levers himself to his feet, enjoying the way she has to crane her neck to meet his gaze. “Have a good night, Shirayuki.”

Her mouth curves into a warm smile. “You too, Zen.”

It takes him an age to get to the door, each step like moving through molasses. Nothing’s ever going to happen between them if this keeps up, if she keeps hiding behind her professionalism like a shield and he keeps waiting for Izana to give him the all clear. It’ll come any day now, he knows; Shirayuki’s been here long enough that his brother uses words like competent and indispensable to people he only talks on screens. But still--

His hand hesitates on the doorknob, cool metal smooth against his palm. A Cat 5 could rise up out of the sea any day now and just wipe them out. Waiting was a luxury people like them just don’t have.

“Hey,” he starts, palm slipping on the knob as he turns it. “Would you--?”

His words sputter out, dying on his lips as the door nearly slams into him, opened from the other side.

“Oh.” Gold eyes meet his from a number of inches higher than he ever wants to think about. “Hey there, boss.”

God, of course this happens. He’s seeing that asshole’s face everywhere anyway, why not here too? “I’m not your boss.”

His mouth sharpens into a grin. “Funny. The way you waste my time, you sure act like you are.”

“Oh, Obi! Is that you?” Shirayuki scrambles to her feet, hurrying up behind him to pull the door open the whole way. As much as he tries to angle himself between them, they lock eyes and Shirayuki’s face does that thing where all the tight lines fall away, like this asshole is a relief or something.

“Sure is, Doc.” The sharpness slips from him like a blade into a sheath; Zen can still see it there in the way he holds himself, in the way every part of this asshole is potential energy coiled around a set of bones, but it’s muted now, hidden but not forgotten.

Zen’s mouth pulls tight across his face. “What are you doing here?”

The asshole’s gaze flicks down to him-- fuck him, for being so goddamned tall-- and he honestly expects to be ignored, for this guy to just keep batting his eyelashes at Shirayuki and pretending he’s not any more of a concern than a single ant at a picnic, but--

“I was just heading down to the canteen,” he says, eyes dragging back to meet Shirayuki’s. “Thought I’d stop by and see if you were hungry.”

“Well, you did,” Zen snaps, fingers tightening on the door. “So you can go now.”

“Oh, sure!” He doesn’t like how breathless Shirayuki sounds. “Just give me a minute to wrap this up.”

It doesn’t occur to him that this might reference him, not until she turns to him, smile wide, and asks, “Was there something else you needed, Zen?”

He swings a slow look back toward the asshole, teeth grinding when he sees his mouth all rucked up into a smirk.

“No,” he grunts, shouldering past. The asshole just giggles, like taking an elbow to the gut is a tickle. Weirdo. “I’m good.”

Zen’s a creature of habit; he’s grown up under a dome his whole life, and even if he wasn’t eating in the mess as a kid, he’s at least used to regimented meals. 1800 hours is dinnertime, and even as he’s stomping through the tunnels, headed determinedly east, his stomach keeps voicing persistent reminders that he’s doing wrong by it.

“Shut up,” he murmurs, digging his fingers into the smooth cotton of his shirt. “No one asked you.”

“Hey!”

Zen jerks his chin up, just in time to watch Mitsuhide round the corner, his friendly face already spread in a smile. Perfect. “Hey, Mistuhide, want to go have a spar?”

His steps stutter beneath him, a ridiculous sight on a man so big. “Spar?”

“Funny.” Zen winces as Kiki emerges from behind him, Mitsuhide’s broad shoulders having blocked her from view. “I could have sworn it was time for dinner. Not interested in courting your adoring masses?”

He frowns, annoyed. Have a couple of people on the deck crew crush on him, and suddenly now he’s groupie hunting. “Not hungry. So?”

Mitsuhide’s always been a study in contrasts; he’s a giant, his shoulders almost twice as wide as Zen’s even without all his training. If jaegers were powered by physical might, Mitsuhide Lowen would be able to pilot one without breaking a sweat. Despite all that muscle packed onto him, he’s gentle, the sort of guy that could pet wild animals if there was any nature left to tame.

But at the mention of a spar, his whole face lights up, a feral glee lurking in the shadows of his smile. “Y--”

Of course, that’s the moment Zen’s stomach lets out a great, gurgling growl, reminding him that the mess is the other way.

Mitsuhide turns tame in a second, clapping him on the shoulder. “Dinner first.”

Zen slumps under his giant palm. “Great. Just perfect.”

It’s not like he’s trying to look for them, but-- they’re hard to miss. Or at least Shirayuki is, her red hair bright in a sea of brown and gray, a beacon in the fog, and--

And there is the asshole, head bent toward her, hanging on every word she says.

“There he is again,” he mutters, spearing a piece of chicken. “Eating.”

“And there she is again,” Kiki adds, without missing a beat, “enjoying his company.”

He sputters, ready to refute it-- sure, she may act nice, but Shirayuki can’t actually like this guy-- when she laughs, full and long, her head thrown back and arms wrapped tight around her middle.

His lips thin. “She’s too nice. That asshole doesn’t deserve to hang around her.”

Kiki arches a brow, and oh he feels it, that heavy judgement only a Seiran can convey with a twitch. “And yet you’re the one over here, complaining.”

He grunts, shifting in his seat. “I just don’t think she should hang around him, that’s all.”

“Yeah,” Kiki deadpans. “We’re aware.”

“He’s a total jackass,” he insists, “we all know it!”

“Maybe you should look in a mirror,” she suggests, far too casual. “I think you’d make a good pair. Two peas in a pod.”

Zen goggles. “He hit you!”

“I deserved it,” she admits with a shrug. “Besides, I hit him back.”

“That doesn’t--”

“I think Kiki’s said her piece about it,” Mitsuhide says, a little loud. His mouth is all tight, like he doesn’t quite agree with her, but he knows better than to say so. “And we have to take her at her word.”

She darts a glance at him, and oh, Zen’s glad he’s not on the receiving end of that. Kiki might not speak her mind now, but Mitsuhide will definitely get a whole earful the next time they’re in the drift.

But that’s not what this is about. “Why doesn’t he just leave already? No one wants him here.”

“You haven’t given him a chance,” Mitsuhide reminds him, too even, too calm. “He can’t leave.”

“I know that,” Zen scoffs, sour. “But I’m not going to drift with him.”

“Why not? You don’t want him flitting around Shirayuki, being charming.” Kiki’s brows raise, half a challenge. “If you’d just done it in the first place, he’d be gone by now.”

His mouth pulls thin. Only Kiki would be perverse enough to get punched and suddenly sing a man’s praises, or whatever passed for it from her. “First off, I know it won’t work. Second off--” he snaps, cutting off whatever coy reply Kiki’s taking a breath for-- “I don’t want that bastard rattling around in my head if it does.”

Her mouth cants, amused. “If it works, it’s only because you’re as much of a bastard as he is.”

Zen hisses out a breath, hot as steam. If she thinks she can just say what she wants to him-- “Real rich coming from--”

“If you’re worried about it,” Mitsuhide interjects, studiously oblivious to the tension around him, “you should talk to the Marshal.”

His jaw clenches so hard his molars clack. Of course that’s what he’d think, hand-picked by Izana to be the next pilot for Rex Tyrannous. Why wouldn’t he trust the bastard? He’s someone Izana respects. Not--

Not his brother. “He’s not going to listen to me.”

“Not when you go in demanding he sends him home,” Mitsuhide replies, infuriatingly calm. “But if you talk about why it won’t work, reason it out...the Marshal would respond to that, I think.”

He’s...not wrong. “Still.”

His massive shoulders lift in a shrug, dark eyes meeting his. “What do you have to lose?”

The door to the Marshal’s office is heavy, reinforced steel, nearly three inches thick, meant to withstand all but the most determined battering rams. It was original, installed in the days where they not only had to worry about kaiju but civilians, desperate from the destruction’s fallout.

And so it nearly drowns out, “I want that asshole out of here,” when he slams it shut behind him.

It’s a louder sound than he expects-- than either of them expect from the way his brother stares past him, wide-eyed. Still, he’s not going to let something like that ruin his entrance. Presentation is everything when it comes to dealing with Izana.

He takes a breath, steeling himself. “I want that asshole gone yesterday.”

Izana’s gaze shifts from the door, settling on him with a dispassionate chill. “Well then,” he drawls, settling back in his chair, “then you shouldn’t have wasted it not drifting.”

He could feel the ground slipping out beneath him already, the battle barely begun before he’s routed. It’s how it always is with him; Zen might be the one on the offensive, but he constantly retreats from Izana’s ripostes.

“I can’t drift with that guy,” he huffs, arms cross over his chest. “You know that.”

Izana lifts an infuriating brow. “Do I?”

Zen leashes a growl. “Come on. There’s no way--”

“I’ve heard a lot of excuses,” his brother continues, as if he’d never spoken at all, “but no reasons. At least none that stem from something other than our guest’s popularity with a certain doctor on our staff.”

He opens his mouth, closes it. God, he hates how Izana can just read him like that, like his every thought is writ large on his face for the world to see. “He doesn’t belong here.”

Izana’s gaze snaps up to his, as dangerous and dark as the open ocean. “Prove it, then.” There’s no smile lurking in the corners of his mouth, no maddening tease in his voice. “Show me he isn’t fit to pilot Rex Tyrannous.”

“What?” Zen spits, wishing it didn’t always come to this. “You just want me to jump in the cockpit with him? Let him in my head and try to walk a jaeger right out the doors?”

“No, of course not.” The corner of his mouth twitches, a smirk expertly restrained. “I thought we might handle things the more...traditional way.”

The sparring room is packed, bodies lining every bit of floor that isn’t marked in-bounds. Heaven forfend if one of them stumbles off the mat; they’d fall right into a mass of ranger hopefuls, probably cracking a limb or two on the way down.

“Did you have to make such a spectacle of this?” he mutters, giving his staff a test swing. It still fits easy in his hands, it weight comfortably familiar, but--

The eyes on him make it hard to focus. Zen knows it’s been a while since someone attempted a first drift, but really, this is ridiculous.

Izana’s brows raise, the very picture of innocence. “I didn’t.” His mouth curves, amused. “Everyone is interested. Rex Tyrannous has been in its box for years now. Can you blame them for wanting to see it come out?”

Zen scans the crowd; it’s got techs, sure, and mechanics, maybe even some people from K-Science, but--

He recognizes the hopefuls. Izana has flung every promising face the academy has at him, and one by one they’ve each flunked out, rejected by the drift. Rejected by him.

Just like this asshole is going to be.

He’s across the mat, tank clinging to him in a way that can’t be a mistake, like he went ahead and picked one a size too small from the box. It’s distracting, especially with the easy way the bokken lays across his shoulders, wrists hooked on each side. His shoulder muscles standing out in sharp relief, like they’ve been carved out of bronze, and-- and how is he supposed to concentrate with all that going on? It’s unfair, that’s what it is.

What’s worse is that he’s talking to Shirayuki, and she’s just-- looking at him, eyes pleadingly wide and mouth bowed into a concerned frown. Her hand hovers between them, small fingers outstretched like she might even touch him--

“Remember.” Izana’s smooth drawl buzzes in his ear. “It’s not a competition. It’s a dialogue.”

“I know.” He’s heard it a thousand times; he doesn’t need to hear it again. Not when that asshole is leaning in, all sly smirks and coy winks, making a flush bloom right under Shirayuki’s collar. “That doesn’t mean I’ll hold back.”

“No.” When he dares a glance back up at his brother, the medals on his Marshal’s regalia blazing under the florescence of the gym’s lights, he’s bemused. “I wouldn’t assume so.”

He lifts his chin, spine PPDC regulation straight, and claps his hands. It’s all that’s needed; a second later the room’s so quiet you could hear a pin drop. “Let’s begin.”

Zen turns to the mat, bokken balanced in his grip, and the asshole grins, brows arching. “Ready now, boss?”

Over his shoulder he can see Shirayuki, face pale with worry. Her gaze slides off the man lazily poised in front of her, fixing to him, and--

And he doesn’t like the wariness he sees there. He’s not the bad guy here.

“Oh yeah.” Zen’s lips part in a grin that’s more teeth than humor. “I’m ready. First to four.”

The asshole lets out a huff. “I know how this--”

It’s a cheap shot-- he knows it-- but all he feels is satisfaction as his bokken sweeps the mat, catching the asshole right behind the ankles. The jerk may be tall, may be jacked, but that only means he falls harder.

Zen leans over him, smirking. “One-oh. Try to keep up.”

Triumph turns to tragedy the moment he chances a glance at the crowd. Shirayuki draws his gaze like a lodestone, a bright flash of feather against a drab sea, and--

And she’s not looking at him. Oh no, she’s looking at the scum skimming the mat, concern molding her every feature, halted a half-step toward him by Mitsuhide’s hand clasped about her shoulder. She only eases back when Kiki leans in with a whispered word, nodding absently as she speaks.

Zen clenches his teeth. She isn’t supposed to feel bad for this jackass; she’s supposed to-- to--

The pain at his knee is his only warning before he feels the cruel grip of gravity close around him, buckling to the floor. It winds him; his lungs burn as he tries to catch his breath, wobbling on his belly like a beached whale. But the time he rolls over, Obi’s up on his knees over him, bokken pressed pointedly beneath his chin.

“One-one,” the asshole says, no humor left in him. He steps back, spinning the staff behind him, holding out a hand.

Zen stares. Fine. Fine. Looks like this guy wouldn’t be as easy to put off as he thought.

He knocks aside the hand, rolling up to his feet with a smooth, practiced ease. At least having Mitsuhide knock him on his ass gave him something-- he makes getting up look good. Natural.

Zen shuffles back, taking his corner, preparing his stance. The asshole might need some help in the personality department, but he’s no slouch in the physical one. And definitely not in the looks one either, he can’t help but notice, not when Obi drags his tank off, dropping it to the mat. He’s not breathing hard yet, but sweat’s beginning to dew on his skin, beading on a body that’s looks as cut and welded-together as a jaeger itself and--

This has to be against the rules. This is a distraction, and--

It costs him a second point.

His shoulder stings, and by the time he realizes what’s happened, that he’s been hit, the asshole has leapt away, as light on his feet as a cat.

“C’mon, boss,” he lilts, a feral grin tilting his lips. “Keep your head in the game.”

His fingers clench around the bokken. He’ll show him what it’s like when he keeps his head in the game all right. That asshole will be wishing he never piped up when he limps out of here.

Zen dives into his next sweep. He may not be Mitsuhide, able to make those overhead swings so hard and fast that his teeth jiggle in his mouth, but he knows how to make the small ones hurt, how to take down a man that might have a few inches on him. His staff flicks out in a flurry of blows, each clack against Obi’s so regular it might as well be the second hand of a clock, driving him back--

A single step. The only reaction he gets is a raising of eyebrows, and then Obi is meeting his swings blow for blow, hardly pressed. In fact, he’s relaxed, like an instructor at the academy, deflecting his swings like this speed is old hat, something he’s seen a thousand times before.

Zen jumps back, annoyed. This has knocked Kiki Seiran on her ass. What right does this asshole have to be standing?

Fine. He needs to play this careful, strategic. He’s not fighting a rookie, fresh out of the academy, he’s fighting--

Fuck. He’s fighting Izana.

Another step back sets him safely out of reach, and Zen just-- assesses. Like he should have done at the start. Like he would have if he wasn’t so determined to underestimate him. If he wasn’t so determined to hate his guts.

He grimaces. God, he hates it when his brother’s right

This asshole is trained, and he’s bigger than him. Not big enough to wreck him with a blow, like Mitsuhide could, but he’s got reach on his side, and with the biceps he’s packing, he could make his ears ring trying to catch a harder cut. His usual trick of coming in hard and fast won’t work here, not if his fastest barely merited more than a yawn.

He’ll have to be smart. He’ll have to trick him.

Zen edges back in, bracing for a blow that never comes. Obi’s watching him, just as intent, muscle coiled to pounce. Or maybe to flee.

Huh. Now that’s an idea.

He leaps in, coming in too hot, looking for all the world like he’s over-committing on this swing, like he’s some hotshot that believes in power and glory over strategy--

And there it is. Obi edges back, leaning out of his way, grin on his lips--

Which falls straight off when stares down at his hip, the butt of the bokken leaving a red welt where it hit him. He glances at where Zen used to be, where he thought the swing would land, and then back, brow furrowed in confusion.

Zen gives him another tap-- it doesn’t count, they haven’t reset-- and grins. “Two-one.”

Obi’s gaze drags up him, and for once he sees the calculation in it, the sign that under all that charm there’s a man who has braved the rough waters of the Pacific and lived to tell about it. “All right.”

He’d never understood the idea of trading blows. As a kid, Zen lived for every climactic sword fight in a story, for good against evil warring as their blades sparked and clanged and realism took a nice long nap for a chapter or two. But still, the idea that good sir knight would be able to raise his sword to meet every slash of the villain’s, blade biting in only the least vital places, seemed like something strictly in fiction, the sort of fairy tale meant for boys.

But he understands it now.

The rhythm of their bokken is even, almost as if this were an exhibition, as if this were a dance. It’s easy to read how he’ll move in the lines of his body, in the twitch of his muscles, and it’s nothing to rise to meet him, to see that each action Obi takes has an equal and opposite reaction in him. They manage hits on one another-- Zen catching him on the ankle once, and Obi takes him at both the shoulder and the knee-- but it’s almost secondary to this, to the easy ebb and flow between them.

He hasn’t had a spar like this since-- since Mitsuhide was his co-pilot. No, even then it had been harder, Mistuhide’s strength often leaving his arms jangling and tired, their bouts usually an exercise in restraint and endurance. This is easy, but it has an edge, just like with-- with--

Atri.

His breath rasps from his lungs, static building in his brain until that buzz is all that’s left in him, a persistent agitation that makes his teeth clench in chatter. Atri.

The pattern falters-- his fault, he knows, distantly-- but it’s too late, he’s driving forward with a force that has Obi on the retreat. One leg reaches back, and he sees it, the opportunity, and there’s nothing that matters more than winning now, then coming out on top--

His sweep doesn’t take him entirely; Obi’s so surprised by his advanced he jumps too late, foot clipping the bokken it a way that has him stumbling back, dropping onto his ass. Zen’s right there, stick against his neck, grin pulled tight against his face, and--

And something taps his side. The bokken. Obi’s bokken.

It’s a draw.

“So, boss,” the asshole drawls. “Was it good for you?”

The locker room is empty when he gets out of the shower, thankfully. The last thing Zen needs is a half dozen hopefuls trying to compliment his footwork when the only thing between them and a show is the narrow towels the PPDC outfits them with. Not that he’s shy; the academy makes damn sure any modesty you have coming is shorn as quick as your hair by the time you roll out.

But the academy also has rules, and one of those is don’t stare. Somehow, the rookies always forgot that when they move into the dome. The last thing he needs is for some tech to get a peek, and then all of K-Science knows what size condom he wears.

So far there’s been no sign of the asshole. After the draw he just about disappeared; Zen had thought he’d at least hop in for a shower, but frankly-- the man barely broke a sweat. Maybe he didn’t think he needed a good rinse.

Or maybe he just needed some space. Zen can feel that right now; they haven’t even drifted and yet he feels like someone’s been rolling around in his brain. He’d been half-tempted to ask Shirayuki if she had time for a session, but he hadn’t been able to find her either--

Which is something he’d rather not think about right now.

He strides over to his locker, laying his uniform out on the bench. Might as well take up space if no one else is going to use it.

There’s a subtle change in the air as he reaches for the knot at his waist, a weight that lets him know that not only is he not alone, but he’s being judged on top of it.

Zen sighs. He’d know that disappointment anywhere. “Don’t.”

“I haven’t said anything,” Izana drawls, the hard heels of his shoes finally clacking on the tile. “And I don’t know why you think I would. This was an unmitigated success, and--”

“It’s not,” Zen snaps, yanking his boxers on under the towel. “I still don’t want him.”

Izana’s footsteps still. “He’s the best candidate we’ve had in years. I haven’t seen a spar like that since...”

His teeth snap around the words, but Zen doesn’t need to hear them. He’s been thinking them loud and clear, all on his own. “He’s not who I want.”

His brother’s breath hisses through his nose. “We can’t all have who we want--”

“But I can.” He yanks on his pants, glaring over his shoulder. “If you would just stop--”

“No.” The word is too loud in the silence, echoing off the lockers, off the tile. Zen turns to him, eyes wide and-- and Izana never shows weakness but he could swear he sees him tremble. “You can’t.”

With a breath, his brother is in control again, his expression a wall so unassailable that if Sydney had known the trick of it, Bladehead would have had to do a long walk of shame back to the rift.

“You’ll do this drift.” It’s not a question, not anymore. “We can’t afford to pass up this opportunity.”

Zen crosses his arms over his chest, wishing he’d remembered to put on a shirt before all this started. “You can’t force me.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Ranger.” He’d always thought Izana stood tall before, but with all those medals winking on his chest, he locates another two. “I can.”

He blinks, breath rasping out of his lungs. He’s been in the dome for years now, and not once has his brother ever done this, thrown up his rank between them and been the Marshal instead.

“I’m just hoping you’ll do the right thing.” His eyes soften even as his mouth pulls thin. “We need Rex Tyrannous out of its box.”

“Why?” Zen breathes. “What’s coming?”

Izana lets out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. “Let’s hope we never find out.”

“Setting harness for test mode, waiting for second pilot.” Zen keys in the command, every movement begrudging. He has to this, he knows that, but that doesn’t mean he has to like it.

And he doesn’t, not one bit. Every moment his copilot makes him wait, the more certain he is that he’s right, that this will be just another drift clusterfuck courtesy of his brother’s obsession--

“Two pilots on board,” a mechanical voice informs him. Zen snaps his gaze over to the door, and there he is, the asshole himself, slinking into the cockpit like he owns it.

He grits his teeth. Of course, he can’t look awkward like everyone else in these armored get-ups. Oh no, he’s got to do for the flight suit what Michelle Pfeiffer did for catsuits. God, he hates him.

“You ready to go?” Zen snaps, stepping back into the harness.

The asshole’s mouth cocks as he keys in his own commands, wry. “Always, Chief.”

“Don’t call me--”

In the blue light of the cockpit, Obi’s eyes take on a strange glow as they fix to his, far too serious. “I won’t let you down.”

Zen stares, mouth suddenly dry. “Let’s just get this over with.”

“It wouldn’t kill you to be friendly, boss,” the asshole lilts, clearly enjoying all this. “We’re going to be in each other’s heads, after all.”

“Don’t remind me.” He dares a glance in his direction, and-- ah, yep, the asshole is grinning. “Any last words?”

His mouth tips into a leer. “You look great in that suit.”

Zen doesn’t blush, it’s just-- just time to put on his helmet. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Hey.”

He swings his head over to look, meeting the concern in Obi’s gaze. “Don’t chase the rabbit.”

Zen scowls. “I know that.” He shifts in his harness, annoyed. “It’s not my first time.”

Don’t chase the rabbit. Let it flow. Don’t latch on. Tune them out. The drift is silence. He knows it all, done it a thousand times--

But he’s never ready for the moment the handshake takes hold. There’s no uncomfortable sign, no burst of memory blinding him, just one blink he’s Zen and the next he’s more, like waking up from from anesthesia.

The next few seconds are the rough part.

His memories roll past with breathtaking speed; Zen would hesitate to say he likes anything about the first minute of the drift, but as it cards through his earliest gasps of memory, he sees a face he hardly remembers, blurred and bearded, hears a deep, booming laugh he’ll never forget--

“Lucky,” Obi sighs, somewhere between wistful and bitter. He wants to ask what he means, but there’s no use, not when he’ll know everything in another blink. he just has to sit back and--

Zen’s salute is crisp, not an elbow out of place. He’s been practicing all day, drilling himself in the mirror until he’s as shiny and perfect as the medal danging on his brother’s breast. “You wanted to see me, sir?”

Oh no, not this. Please, not this.

Izana returned it with casual precision, as he always does. What perfection Zen has striven for, sweated for, nearly died for, has always come easily to him. He’d hate him for it, if he didn’t love him so much. If he didn’t know he’d feel just what that was like the moment they got to the dome.

“You’re excited,” Izana observes, gaze flickering around the room. He’s seen the barracks before-- he went here too, ages ago-- but Zen’s nervous just the same. It’s his room now, Spartan but serviceable, filled with the few tchotchkes they were allowed to keep, and he wants--

He wants him to like it. To like all of it. To approve of him.

No, no. It’s not supposed to be like this.

“Yes, sir.” He’s breathless, practically trembling from the anticipation. “Always.”

Izana’s mouth parts in a wan smile. “Of course. I was too, when I graduated.”

“It’s not just that.” He’s quivering now, like a dog that’s run its leash, too eager. “I’m ready. To pick up the legacy. To be what father meant us to be.”

His brother is quiet, almost thoughtful, and in the doorway, his shadow coughs.

“Ah!” Zen grimaces. “Sorry, Ranger Shidnote. Not that you-- you’re-- I--”

Shidnote’s lips twitch, just at a corner, the slash bisecting his nose tugging toward it. “No offense taken.”

He was so careful not to think, to just let it flow, but he’s stuck now. They are stuck now.

“About that.” Izana settles a hand on his desk, fingers drumming carefully. “I meant to tell you--”

Oh god, please, no.

“--I’m being promoted.”

“Promoted.” The word’s a dead thing in his mouth, soured and stale, and he nearly gags on it. “But I though--”

“They want me in a command capacity now that Mother’s taking over Anchorage.” Izana clears his throat, fixing his gaze just over his shoulder. “I’m being taken off active duty.”

“But--”

No, this can’t happen. He can’t give him this.

“But--”

He won’t give him this.

If entering the drift is painless, tearing himself from it is agony.

Zen grits his teeth, pushing with all his might, all his will, and it’s like ripping off a limb, like pulling out fingernails--

“Fuck,” he spits, tumbling to the deck, bones rattling as his knees jar against the metal. “God damn.”

“Chief,” his copilot coughs, struggling with the harness, and-- and--

He can’t be here. Not with this asshole, not now.

Zen staggers on his feet, stumbling for the door, just righting himself when he gets to the scaffold. He’s going to hurl if he doesn’t slow down, but he doesn’t care, he can’t care, not until he’s far enough away--

“Zen.”

His gaze jerks up, and there, one flight away is the last face he wants to see, eyes rounded with concern the way they were that day, when he--

“We’re done,” he croaks, voice too soft, like he hasn’t used it in a week.

Izana steps closer, brows drawn. “What--?”

“I said, we’re done,” he shouts, shouldering his way past. “I’m done.”

[tcm]

The Short Lived Career of Kay Kendall by Susan King

The 60th anniversary of the brilliant comic actress Kay Kendall’s death in September came and went very quietly. It saddened me. Kendall was a real breath of fresh air. A British version of Carole Lombard, Kendall was a beautiful, sophisticated and capable dramatic actress who turned into a slapstick goofball with the right material. And just like Lombard, who was 33 when she died in a plane crash in 1942, Kendall died young at just 32, after succumbing to myeloid leukemia.

“Miss Kendall was that stage and screen rarity, a beautiful clown,” the New York Times obit stated. “The talents of a superb comedienne are so seldom conjoined with statuesque, classic beauty that producers along with Miss Kendall’s hard road to the top tended to distrust her qualities as mutually exclusive.”

In fact, the self-deprecating, often insecure Kendall proclaimed after the release of her best film, 1957’s LES GIRLS, that she looked like a “female impersonator with these long skinny legs. I’m 5 feet [sic] 9. I eat like a horse and I couldn’t become a ballet dancer because I got too big. When I rose up on my toes, I was 10 feet 6 and my feet collapsed.”

Kendall affected those whom she knew and worked with including Mitzi Gaynor, who starred with her in LES GIRLS. In 2018, I was doing a Q&A with Gaynor at the TCL Chinese Theatre in Hollywood for the 60th anniversary of SOUTH PACIFIC and asked her about Kendall. She started to gush about how great Kendall was, but started getting misty-eyed thinking about her, so I quickly went back to the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical.

And I recall one time during an interview, a rather prickly Stanley Donen became effusive when I brought up Kendall, whom he directed in her last film ONCE MORE, WITH FEELING! (’60).

Kendall, who appeared in revues and variety shows as a teenager, got her first big movie role in 1946’s lavish LONDON TOWN, which was one of the British film industry's most expensive flops of the time. She was told by a film executive that she was “ugly, you have no talent. You’re too tall and you photograph badly. Go marry some nice man, settle down and have a nice family.”

She finally got the perfect role in the classic award-winning comedy GENEVIEVE, which was released in England in 1953. The comedy revolved around two young couples who participate annually in a vintage car rally from London to Brighton. John Gregson and Dinah Sheridan were the main stars with Kenneth More and Kendall as the supporting players.

Kendall stole the whole film as Rosalind Peters, More’s high-fashioned overly coiffed model girlfriend who is accompanied by her St. Bernard named Susie. The inventiveness of Kendall's performance, especially when a drunk Rosalind plays a trumpet at a nightclub, is as fresh and funny it was 66 years ago.

Her life changed forever when she made THE CONSTANT HUSBAND with Rex Harrison and released in 1955. And of course, there was a scandal. Though Harrison was married to Lili Palmer at the time, he had a notorious reputation as a womanizer (his affair with Carole Landis in the late 1940s lead to her committing suicide). But the two married in 1957 shortly after Harrison learned from Kendall’s doctor that she had two years to live. Harrison decided not to tell her she was dying, giving her the excuse that she had anemia. Kendall’s own prognosis was never revealed to her, as was common with patients of mortal illnesses in the 1950s. Harrison did tell some of her friends, however, but did not tell her family.

Kendall came to Hollywood to make the Cole Porter musical LES GIRLS, directed by George Cukor and starring Gene Kelly, Gaynor and Taina Elg. Kendall won a Golden Globe for her hysterical performance as the British performer who is being sued for libel by another chorus girl. Kendall and Harrison then starred together in a delightful bit of fluff, THE RELUCTANT DEBUTANTE (’58), directed by Vincente Minnelli. Though sometimes real-life couples have no chemistry together on screen, that wasn’t the case with Kendall and Harrison. Not only do they have chemistry to spare, Harrison even seems to take a back seat in the proceedings and let his wife shine.

In the biography, The Brief, Madcap Life of Kay Kendall by Eve Golden and Kim Kendall, Minnelli’s wife Lee remembered that Kendall and Harrison “were wonderful together. He adored her. You could see when he looked at her, his eyes lit up. They balanced each other perfectly – they played off of each together.” She also noted, “if [Kay] came into a room, she had all laughing in five minutes. Even if you felt a little down, you talked to Kay and by the time you left you were floating, you were up in the air.” 

According to the book, by 1958 Kendall was “finding it more difficult to play innocent about her physical condition…Kay was not a stupid woman, and no one can be that sick for that long without knowing something is seriously wrong.” She even told her good friend Dirk Bogarde, who knew she was ill. “Diggy, I think I am dying. I've some terrible disease and they won’t tell me. I think I’ve got cancer.” Bogarde kept his promise to Harrison and tried to laugh off her fears.

By the time she filmed ONCE MORE, WITH FEELING! with Yul Brynner, she was frail. She eventually collapsed during filming and was hospitalized, with Harrison stating that she had a lung infection and anemia. After she sufficiently recovered, Kendall managed to finish the film. After going on a vacation with Harrison, she returned to London and entered a clinic where she died a week later. Even on her death bed, Harrison never told of the leukemia. According to to her biography, Kendall looked at Harrison and asked, “Mousey, you would tell me if I was dying?” To which he replied, “Don’t be stupid, of course I would. You’re not dying.” Shortly after, she sank into a coma. The press account of her last moments was highly romantic, with Kay sighing to Harrison, “’I love you very much, darling’ with her last breath.” ONCE MORE, WITH FEELING! opened in February 1960. And Bosley Crowther in the New York Times was disappointed Kendall’s swan song wasn’t better. “As for poor Miss Kendall (who has died since this picture was made), she works hard to be disagreeable, to virtually no avail. She screeches and fluffs up her feathers, throws things and breaks television sets, but only succeeds in being feverish. Lacking that obvious essential, she is merely fragile and sad. It is certainly too bad her last picture has to be as vapid as this.” But nearly 60 years after the film release, Kendall’s performance still has traces of manic brilliance and leaves you wondering what she would have done had she had lived.

[landofmelodyandstars]

DRV3 Gift Reactions Transcription.

These are transcriptions of the character’s gift reactions from drv3. Spoilers for Chapter 1 Danganronpa v3 below the cut.

Characters are listed in the same order as my posts with the proper screenshots of these reactions. Every new line of text is a new dialog box.

Assume that the reactions are from Chapter 1 unless specifically marked as otherwise. (Tbh I actually got the majority of this transcribed the other day, I was just waiting to sleep and recharge my energy to get and edit the post-chapter-1 screenshots I needed to finish it.)

I’ve only transcribed post-chapter-1 gift reactions that are significantly different--it can generally be safely assumed that Kaede’s name is simply replaced by Shuichi’s in places where it comes up.

My masterpost for gift reactions is here. My masterlist for all things danganronpa-related is here. (Just be warned as there may be whole game/series spoilers there depending on how far in the future you’re reading this.) The things here are transcribed exactly, including dropped words and typos, but they’ll still be marked with [sic] because I want to differentiate between the errors in the game and my own inability to type correctly.

~Shuichi Saihara~

Loved Gifts:

Kaede... thank you. I’ve never received something like this before. I’m so happy I... I don’t know what to say!

Ah? For me? Kaede...you’re amazing! How did you know I want this?

Liked Gifts:

Can I...really have this? Thank you, I’ll take good care of it. I’ll help soothe my anxiety as dark times like this.

I can tell that you put a lot of time and thought into this... Thank you. You giving me something this wonderful... I wish I could give you something in return.

Neutral Gifts:

Ah, do you like this kind of stuff, Kaede? I don’t really get it...but maybe I’ll learn to love it?

I didn’t know the academy had things like this... I wonder if this was prepared for us. If it was, they must have quite the budget... They can afford to have aesthetic items like this.

You’re...giving this to me? Thank you... I’ll cherish it.

Disliked Gifts:

Ah, um, I don’t think I can accept this... I do appreciate the thought, but... I’m sorry.

Ah...I don’t know... why you’d give me this... Ah! Is this a joke? S-Sorry, I don’t get it!

Hated Gift(s):

...I-I’m sorry... Even if it’s a gift from you, I can’t accept it. I’m really sorry... I know you’re just trying to make me happy...

But for you to give me something at a time like this, I... I can’t believe you’d do that. I can’t believe you’d be the kind of person who would do something so tasteless...

~Kokichi Oma~

Loved Gifts:

H-How do you have something this amazing, Kaede? Did you steal this!? The supreme leader of evil lost!? Grrrrr... Dammit! This pisses me off!

Hey, I’m surprised you had something so interesting on you, Kaede. But if you think something like this would make me happy, you got another thing coming! ...Just kidding. Thank you.

Liked Gifts:

This is a pretty decent present, Kaede. Are you starting to get me now? It feels good to know that you thought long and hard about what tribute to give me.

Hmm...I guess this isn’t *that* boring. You have pretty good taste, Kaede. Well, not as good as mine. I’ll surprise you with a gift one of these days, Kaede!

Woooah! This is niiiice! I’ve always wanted something like this! By the way, that’s not a lie, ‘kay? Don’t worry, I’m actually happy.

Neutral Gifts:

Hm, for me? I’ll take it, but... You’re not getting any thanks from me, buddy! Well, I might repay your kindness...with tricks. Since I *am* the supreme leader of evil.

How do I put this nicely... Well...it’s not bad, but it’s not good either... And by that, I mean it’s bad.

Disliked Gifts:

Wooooow, this is just aaaawful! It’s soooo boring that it’s funny! Um, I don’t really want this. Toss it somewhere else.

Um...why would you think I’d like this? You have pretty bad taste, Kaede. I thought we were of one heart and soul.

*sigh* ...You disappoint me. I thought you would’ve made it more fun for me, Kaede. Or are you hinting that I should make it fun for you instead?

Hated Gift(s):

I...I didn’t know you hated me that much, Kaede... WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! Even if you do hate me, this is going too far! Well, at least this isn’t boring... But you gotta make it up to me later, ‘kay?

~Kaito Momota~

Loved Gifts:

A-Are you serious!? I didn’t think you could even find this around here! Kaede...this makes me so happy! Gimme a hug!

Oh, nice! This gift’s a real bullseye! Your thoughts hit me dead center! Alright! Since you gave it to me, I’ll teach you all about this thing!

Liked Gifts:

Are you giving this to me? Haha, you know me so well! Alright! As thanks for this cool gift, I’ll tell you a cool story!

Oh, that’s pretty interesting. This is almost the perfect gift for a Luminary of the Stars! You’re on the right path.

Neutral Gifts:

You’ve got a bunch of stuff, huh? You’re not just trying to unload some garbage on me, right?

Huh? What’s this? Where’d you get it? Well, if it’s a gift from you, then I’ll totally accept it.

Disliked Gifts:

Are you kidding me? What am I supposed to do with this? What’s up with you? This isn’t like you, man!

Did you really think I’d like something like this? C’mon, man... Are you making fun of me? Nah you wouldn’t, but...

Hated Gift(s):

Hey...we can still pretend it was just a joke, so put that away.

H-Hold up...don’t put that near me. You got it? Why do you even have such a weird think!? Toss it in the garbage!

~Rantaro Amami~

Loved Gifts:

Did you...get me this because you thought it’d make me happy? I guess you thought I’d like this kind of thing, based on how I dress. Haha... Well, ah, thanks anyway.

Now *this* I like. I knew you had good taste, Kaede. I can learn from you.

Liked Gifts:

You’ve got something pretty interesting there. Where did you find it? Oh, you’re giving it to me? A present? That’s so sweet. You’re being so nice to a guy that doesn’t even know his own talent...

But this looks really valuable. Are you sure you want me to have it? I’ll get you something special one day too. I have some pretty rare things myself.

Neutral Gifts:

I always get butterflies in my tummy when people give me gifts. Thank you. Is there anything you want, Kaede? I want to give you something in return.

Wow, they even have stuff like this here? This place gets weirder and weirder. Don’t you think it’s odd? That you would find this stuff here?

Oh...for me? No no, it’s not that I don’t like it... Just the thought makes me happy, Kaede.

Disliked Gifts:

Really? You’re giving this to me? Kaede, you have...unique taste. I never expected this from you.

Um, I don’t mean to be rude, but maybe there’s someone else who would enjoy it more? I think you should give this to someone who can really appreciate it.

Hated Gift(s):

Haha...my, this is a pretty dark gift. You look like a sunny and cheerful girl, but I guess there’s a dark side to ya.

~Gonta Gokuhara~

Loved Gifts:

Oh wow... Gonta think bug friends will like this. Kaede like bugs, too? Gonta so happy!

Gentlemen wear small trinkets... Gonta must remember that. Gonta still not used to gentleman clothes... This very helpful, Kaede!

Liked Gifts:

Ummm... But real gentleman say nice thing. Then gentleman give gift, too... Gonta not real gentleman yes, huh...? Someday Gonta give Kaede nice gift!

What? For Gonta? Thank you, Kaede! Gonta not get gifts often... Gonta happy! Very very happy!

Neutral Gifts:

Hmmm... Gonta not know stuff like this exist. Thanks for showing Gonta, Kaede!

For Gonta? Thank you! Gonta treasure it always. How that? Gonta show gentleman gratitude okay? 

Hmmm...Kaede like this kinda stuff? Gonta think he understand now. Gonta try hard to appreciate gift.

Disliked Gifts:

Ummm... Sorry. Gonta not sure what to do with this. Gonta know Kaede mean well... Gonta so pathetic!

K-Kaede... You...hate Gonta!? Oh, G-Gonta wrong? Gonta just not understand.

Hated Gift(s):

Kaede...no can give gift like this! Is not proper! O-Or...d-does Kaede...hate...Gonta? G-Gonta...*sniffle*...so sad!

Oh, sorry... This sorta thing give Gonta bad memories... Gonta hope Kaede not feel bad now... Gonta really sorry!

~K1-B0~

Loved Gifts:

Kaede... Thank you very much. I am humbled by your generosity. Did you give me this simply because I am a robot? I will report you robophobic actions.

This is...quite a practical gift. Thank you. Please don’t get the wrong impression... I’m happy because this gift is so practical. Under different circumstances, this gift could be considered robophobia.

Liked Gifts:

This is...quite a fascinating item! Are you sure I can have it? I wish I could give you something in return, but I have nothing to give... I’m sorry.

...A toy? Is this your way of bringing me a friend? Do you see me a toy[sic], too? I’d prefer not to be compared to this toy...but as far as toys go, I guess it’s kind of cute.

This is nice. It aligns with my preferences. You understand me... I feel...happy.

Neutral Gifts:

...I’m sorry. I cannot see myself ever developing an interest in this. Should I feign happiness in this situation? That seems illogical to me...

A present from Kaede... There, I’ve finished saving a backup copy of this memory. I hope to repay your kindness one day.

Disliked Gifts:

I’m sorry. I can’t do anything with food or beverages except stare at them... I this kind of gift is wasted on me. You should probably give it to someone else.

... ... I’m sorry. I was calculating the appropriate response to a situation like this.

...I don’t know how to react to being given a gift like this. It would be insincere of me to just accept this gifts, so I must politely decline it.

Hated Gift(s):

Wh-What’s wrong with you!? Why would you give me a gift like this!? This isn’t some kind of robophobic microaggression, is it!?

~Ryoma Hoshi~

Loved Gifts:

Hmph...not bad at all. Sometimes, even I want to feel happy ...so I’ll accept this. Thanks.

If you’re giving me this... you really get me, huh? I don’t hve anything to give you, is that okay? Hmph...you’re strange.

Liked Gifts:

Hmph...nothing good will come from making me happy, you know? Sorry I can’t show how happy I am... I really am grateful for this gift.

Oh...you’ve got good taste. I hope I can return the favor. But I’m not great at giving gifts.

Neutral Gifts:

Hmph...you’re giving this to me? What’s the meaning of this? Well, whatever. I guess you didn’t mean anything bad by it.

Huh? You seemed like the conscientious type, but did I misjudge you? Well...I guess having a side like that is just part of your charm, huh?

Giving me a gift... You’re a strange one. I...appreciate the thought.

Disliked Gifts:

Exactly what sort of reaction were you expecting from me? Sorry, but I’m not a fan of joke gifts.

That’s just not cool... I thought you’d have better taste than that. Hmph...I don’t have anything to say to a gift like that.

Hated Gift(s):

I won’t make a scene about this insult...but I’ll remember it. Even if someone’s not a good person, you can’t just be rude like that...

You’re giving that to me? What’s you game...? I’m not sure it you’re being a punk or just nosy, but I’m not accepting that.

~Korekiyo Shinguji~

Loved Gifts:

This is...! Kaede, where on Earth did you find such a thing!? Ooh...I never dreamed of encounter such a splendid item here.

To have brought this to me... You truly have an eye for treasures. Kehehe...what a wonderful woman you are. I have no complains with this. If you’d like, I can tell you this item’s history. Are you interested?

Loved Gifts (post chapter 1):

To have brought this to me... You truly have an eye for treasures. If you’d like, I can tell you this item’s history. Are you interested?

Liked Gifts:

I may have this? Kehehe...much appreciated. You enjoy giving gifts? Perhaps we can discuss cultural gift giving practices.

This is a fine gift... It almost makes me sorry to be the receiving it. I would like to at least tell you some stories in return. Which one though...?

Neutral Gifts:

Kehehe...did you think giving me this would make me happy? Interesting... It would appear you don’t yet know me well enough.

The desire to do something for someone. I understand it well. But is it not necessary to consider what will make that person happy?

Disliked Gifts:

Honestly, I cannot understand your reasons for giving me this. Do tell...what were your intentions giving me this?

Hmm...even if your[sic] have poor taste, that is beautiful too... Not everyone shares the same preferences. Do keep that in mind.

Hated Gift(s):

I cannot accept this. Are you taking the occult lightly?

~Kaede Akamatsu~

Loved Gifts:

Shuichi...I’m just so ecstatic! I thought I had been the only one looking at you, but I guess you’ve noticed me, too. I think that, because... you gave me such a pretty gift.

Whoa! Can I really have this!? Thanks, I’m so happy right now! You really know what makes me smile, Shuichi. But, I guess *you* would know what I like!

Liked Gifts:

Oh! I was just thinking about getting one of these! I can’t believe you already know what I like, even though we just met... Well, that’s a detective for ya!

I really like these kinda of things. Do you enjoy them too, Shuichi? It would make me a bit happier to know we like the same things. Oh, god... I think I said something embarrassing just now.

Neutral Gifts:

Hmm...so you like these kinds of things, Shuichi. I’ll remember that. Someday, I’ll give you a present, too... Oh, I don’t mean it in a weird way. It’s to return the favor, okay?

I see... You carry these things around, huh, Shuichi? How did you find them in this academy? Or did you have them before you came here?

Disliked Gifts:

Umm... Your taste is...unique... Oh, I didn’t mean it in a bad way. If you like it, then that’s your choice.

Umm...I’m sorta curious why you chose to give this to me... I don’t hate it. Well...I’m actually happy!

Hated Gift(s):

This isn’t okay, Shuichi...Even if it’s a joke, there are some things you shouldn’t do. If we weren’t in such a weird situation, I might be able to laugh it off.

~Maki Harukawa~

Loved Gifts:

Is this for me...? Hmm... ...Huh, do I look mad? I may not show it, but I’m actually pretty happy.

...Thank you. I’ll cherish this. Why are you surprised? I got something I like, so of course I’m going to thank you for it.

Liked Gifts:

Hmm... You must not worry a lot if you’re giving presents in a situation like this... ...Well, it’s not like I mind. I’ll take it.

This is...something you should give to a child. You shouldn’t give this to someone my age. Well...when we get out of here, I’ll give it to the kids. That’s why you gave it to me, right?

Neutral Gifts:

...You have surprisingly bad taste. If you don’t want it, then I don’t mind keeping it.

I see... You’re giving it to me. What? Did you think I would be excited? Sorry, but I don’t intend to give empty thanks because of social obligations.

I don’t think it’s bad to give presents after spending time... But you should really think about the present first before giving it, don’t you think?

Disliked Gifts:

What is this...? Where did you even get this thing? It’s for me? Why would you even thing about giving this to me?

Wait... I’m going to stop you right now if you plan to give me something I don’t want. ...Am I wrong? That’s a joke, right?

Hated Gift(s):

... Sorry, but I don’t need this.

~Miu Iruma~

Loved Gifts:

Wh-What? How did you know I’ve wanted this? D-Don’t tell me...you’re that into me... Naturally, a flat-chested idiot like you would fall for a brainy, busty, beauty like me!

Wha—! I-I’ve...wanted this...so bad... I took you for an idiot, Kaediot, but it turns out you’re actually pretty useful! Heh, I could give you one of my inventions as a show of gratitude!

Loved Gifts (post-chapter-1):

Wh-What? How did you know I’ve wanted this? D-Don’t tell me...you’re that into me... Well, I guess a perma-virgin like you can’t help but think about[sic] all day long!

Wha—! I-I’ve...wanted this...so bad... Not bad, perma-virgin! When are ya plannin’s to slip some fliff between these big ol’ titties!? Well, if you’re tugging it to me every day, I guess I can let the slide!

Liked Gifts:

Damn, Kaediot! You actually brought me somethin’ nice! Alright, I’ll show you an invention of mine! I bet you’re so thankful, you’re about to cry! Huh? Y-You’re not interested? Whyyyy?

Whoa! I’ve wanted this for a while! I never expected you to have it, Kaediot! Why didn’t you give it to me sooner!? Geez, you just wasted my precious time!

Neutral Gifts:

What the hell were you thinkin’ givin’ this to me!? Do you have any how[sic] valuable my time is!?

Hm? What’s this? I mean, I guess I’ll take it... This is what you’re givin’ to me lovely self? I figured you for a fuckn’ idiot, but...

Hmmm... Well, I could probably use it for my invention so I guess I’ll take it. What, you want me to thank you? You should be thankin’ me for takin’ it off you hands!

Disliked Gifts:

Huh!? You’re givin’ this to me? You really are an idiot, aren’tcha!? I was right to start callin’ you “Kaediot”!

Maaaaaan! I’m startin’ to feel sorry for ya! Cuz, well...look at me! I’m beautiful, brainy, busty... You’re just a flat-chested Plain Jane who knows jack shit about proper gift-giving!

Disliked Gifts (post-chapter-1):

Huh!? You’re givin’ this to me? You really are a piece of shit, aren’tcha!? I was right to start callin’ you “Pooichi”!

Maaaaaan! I’m startin’ to feel sorry for ya! Cuz, well...look at me! I’m beautiful, brainy, busty... You’re just a perma-virgin with a stupid hat who knows jack shit about proper gift-giving!

Hated Gift(s):

Huh...? Do you really hate me that much? Why else would you give this to me? N-No way...

~Tenko Chabashira~

Loved Gifts:

K-Kaede, what a wonderful gift! Truly, only girst understand other girls’ delicate hearts! It’d be great if I can thank you in some way... How about I teach you a Neo-Aikido move!?

Thank you very much, Kaede! You understand me so well! This is making me too happy! It’s making me blush!

Loved Gifts (post-chapter-1):

Even though you’re a male, you made me happy... I feel like I lost! I’m annoyed, so I’m gonna throw you! Then we’ll be even!

You gave me exactly what I needed... Shuichi, do you understand the way of Neo-Aikido, too!? Then maybe I can smash your body onto the floor with a Neo-Aikido move!

Liked Gifts:

Wow! Amazing, Kaede! This is a wonderful gift! It’s probably because you’re a pianist that you know how to pick gifts! Please teach me!

What!? Y-You’re giving this to me!? Wow, I’m so happy! Thank you so much!

Liked Gifts (post-chapter-1):

Urgh... Not bad, Shuichi! You actually made me really happy! But don’t assume you can appease me! Girls are not that simple!

Even though you’re a male, you gave a gift that would make someone happy! But, I’m not so easy to overcome with just this! Please don’t underestimate me!

Neutral Gifts:

It’s so nice of you to bring me a gift, Kaede! But, of course a girl would! Oh no! I didn’t bring you anything! I-I’m so sorry!

Woah! I didn’t know there was something like this as school! Where’d you find it, Kaede? I wish I could give something in return... Would you like to see some Neo-Aikido instead!?

Huh, a present? Th-Thank you so much! I’m sorry I can’t understand the value of this gift, but your good feelings have reached me!

Neutral Gifts (post-chapter-1):

I don’t know what you’re thinking, Shuichi. So I guess I can stay and listen to you! Girls are not merciless enough to send someone away after they gave a gift!

O-Oh, is this for me...? This gift didn’t do any wrong, so I’ll take it... But even though you’re a detective, you’re still a make who ca’t understand girls’ feelings!

There must be an ulterior motive when a degenerate male gives a gift to a girl... So that’s why I’ll take this. It’s better than you giving it to Himiko or the other girls!

Disliked Gifts:

Kaede, you have an...um...unique taste. Well, you’re a pianist so... Do you feel like you were a bit too sheltered and it affected your taste in things?

I-I wasn’t aware that there would be such a huge difference in sensitivity between girls! Well, I’m not denying your taste... But I think I’ll pass on this...

Disliked Gifts (post-chapter-1):

... Sorry, I’m just surprised how bad this gift is *even* for a degenerate! I assume you want me to throw you across the room, right, Shuichi!?

Huuuuh? What do you want me to do with something like this? Did you think I would be happy? You completely underestimate me! Now, I’m gonna throw you!

Hated Gift(s):

I’m not too sure about this, Kaede... I don’t really wanna say it... But the thought of you handing this to someone else... Well, it makes my heart hurt...

Kaede! What’s going on here!? Did those degenerate males influence you to be vulgar and insensitive!? I will teach you Neo-Aikido then! You mind will become calm!

Hated Gift(s) (post-chapter-1):

...It seems you want to be punished. Got anything to say? You may say only one word.

~Himiko Yumeno~

Loved Gifts:

Oooh...you clearly know what’s important for a mage. Hm, as thanks I’ll show you some of my magic.

Oooh...this is it. The item I needed. Not bad. Please bring me more stuff to increase me magic stat.

Liked Gifts:

You must have used a “Find Himiko A Good Gift” spell. Hm, well done. I don’t mind you giving me more stuff from now on.

Hmm...yes, this will do. Now my MP can recover. Well, it’s still not enough to power a big spell...

Neutral Gifts:

Hm...offerings for the mighty Himiko... Yes, this will do. This thing has no magic. A gift for a mage should be magical, y’know?

Hm? What that for me? I didn’t realize. If you can’t give proper gifts, you’ll have a lot of trouble in life.

Nyeh... For me? Sorry, but saying thanks is too much work...

Disliked Gifts:

... Nyeeeh...I’m at a loss. What are you thinking giving me something like this?

Nyeeeh... I don’t want it. I don’t know what you want, but put that away already.

Hated Gift(s):

Are you bullying me? You’re bullying me cuz no one else is around, huh? I wanna turn you into a lowly worm with my magic.

~Kirumi Tojo~

Loved Gifts:

Will there be duties where I must use this? Then I will accept it, by all means. Am I mistaken? In that case, I will use this to aid you. Shall we begin then?

I never told you I needed this, but... Is it truly alright for me to have this? Thank you. This will help me immensely. If I use this, this can help everyone as well.

Liked Gifts:

Even though I am here to serve you, I cannot believe I received such a great gift. The only way I can return the favor is to serve as you maid... Is that alright with you?

It seems I do not have to give you any advice on how to select the right gift. You have made me...incredibly happy.

Neutral Gifts:

You wish you give this to me, correct? I understand. I will treasure it. I do not want you to misunderstand... ...but, I am grateful that you have chosen a gift just for me.

Are you asking me to throw this away? I understand. Leave it to me. Am I wrong? Please accept my apology. I failed as a maid to understand your goodwill.

I see...so you are giving this to me. I have been asked if I wanted a present before, but this is a surprise. Thank you.

Disliked Gifts:

Kaede... if you do not know which gift to select, then please ask me. I will teach you how to choose the best present and the most optimal way to deliver them.

I am not impressed with the kind of gifts you choose for people. If you order me to throw it away, then that would be far more efficient.

Hated Gift(s):

Kaede... Even if it is a prank, it is not nice to give people these kinds of gifts. I never imagined you would do such a thing...

~Angie Yonaga~

Loved Gifts:

Ohhhh! How divine of you, Kaede! Nyahaha! My cup runneth over with gratitude!

This is it! This is what I’ve been after! How did you know, Kaede? Did Atua speak to you?

Liked Gifts:

I see, I see... Kaede, you know how Angie is feeling today. With all the offering’s you’ve brought me, Angie[sic] must be having lots of fun. I will be happy.

Oh, I see... This offering will earn Atua’s favor somewhat, Kaede. I will pray to Atua for you, Karde, so that you may become a gold member someday.

Neutral Gifts:

Do you think this is a divine relic, Kaede? I don’t really see it. But Atua says you have decent taste. Good for you, Kaede.

The academy has mysterious miracles like this? This can only be a blessing from Atua.

Hmmm, is this your offering Kaede? This is a decent effort. Atua is watching your devotion closely.

Disliked Gifts:

Atua has spoken... Such an offering is unacceptable. Kaede, I think this offering will offend Atua. I know I’m certainly disappointed.

Hmm? What’s wrong, Kaede? Are you sad because you can’ hear Atua’s voice? It’s okay; I’ll tell you what He’s saying. You don’t need to worry about a thing. Oh, you can just throw that offering away.

Hated Gift(s):

Kaede... Atua will forgive you if you ask. Come, let’s pray together for His forgiveness. Or else...Atua will curse you for your next six lifetimes.

~Tsumugi Shirogane~

Loved Gifts:

What!? I can have this!? Really!? I mean...no one else here can even appreciate this like I can!

You’d give this...to me...? Thank you! Thank you so much! Those are the only words I can say!

Liked Gifts:

Oh, this...it’s from that one show, right? I knew it! Huh...? You don’t know what I’m talking about? Waaah! I must’ve misunderstood... I thought you know it, Kaede...

Huh, there was something like this here? Are you sure I can have it? Thanks, it was plain to see I was stressed, but this helped me calm down.

Neutral Gifts:

Umm...it seems out tastes just don’t match that well. Oh, I’m not ungrateful. Even between otaku, likes and dislikes can be completely different.

I know that you’re trying to say. This plain item’s good for plain old me. Just kidding... I know you didn’t mean that. It’s just a joke, okay?

Hmm...well, things like this aren’t bad. Do you like stuff like this, Kaede? Why did you choose it? I’m curious about other people’s tastes.

Disliked Gifts:

Sorry, but...I don’t have any good references for a weird thing like this. I’m just a plain, boring girl. You know that, right Kaede?

Umm...I don’t really get it. Why are you giving this to me? Fine then. This...means war. Is that what you wanted me to say?

Hated Gift(s):

Is this some sort of bad joke? I don’t know what to say... Sorry...I think I don’t feel well. I’m gonna go put some ice on my head, so can you give me some space?

-

Anyway, thanks for reading! I plan on doing more Danganronpa-related stuff in the future, primarily collecting the flavor text for all the free times when you initially talk to the characters.

That’ll take me awhile, though, so in the meantime I might actually get around to talking about things in v3 that I’ve been wanting to talk about but haven’t had much of a place to talk about. Like a post discussing character design in Danganronpa that I mentioned wanting to do somewhere in this chain of semi-organized information.

[modreduscycle]

Benwick Pt. 1

Arthur frowned and stared at the letter, rereading it for about the fifteenth time, trying to decide what to do. The door to his office slammed open and Kay stormed inside.

“I swear to sarding God, if one more wankface demands special treatment from all the other nobles just because of his ‘grand and honorable’ lineage of sibling sarders, I’m going to shove him into the moat and hold him there.”

“Can I ask you to refrain from threatening to murder my vassals?” Arthur asked, a smile twitching at his face.

“Think of it as a test of character,” Kay suggested, but let the matter drop with a sigh. He glanced at the letter in Arthur’s hands. “What’s that?”

Arthur sighed and waved the document in question in the air. “Letter from the crown prince of Benwick.”

Kay raised an eyebrow. “And that is…?”

“In France?” Arthur knew damn well that Kay knew that.

“Which is…?” Kay prompted again.

“Across the channel?”

“So whatever they’re dealing with is our problem how?”

Arthur groaned and rolled his eyes. “They’re potential allies and as much as I know you think we should focus on the isles, we can’t ignore other lands completely. Besides, this kind of does affect us, I just don’t know what to do about it.”

“Alright, talk to me,” Kay ordered, taking a seat. Arthur handed him the letter in question for him to look over.

“The royal family has been assaulted by a wizard who seems to want to take the throne for himself.”

Kay snorted. “Good luck with that, aren’t line enchantments over there pretty common?”

Arthur nodded. “Right, to prevent anyone but a member of the royal family, by birth or marriage, from taking control. Unfortunately, he knows that.”

“So is he trying to force someone to marry him?” Kay asked. “If that’s the case, just send a knight and knock his head off. Send Merlin, for that matter. Hell, send Guinevere! She’s terrifying and would absolutely sard the rantallion up the—”

“He sort of is, but it’s not that direct…” Arthur cut him off, frowning. “He’s cursing them so they are incapable of ruling, and for a while he was trying to curse the heirs as infants to be loyal only to him. Never worked, thankfully, so he’s just trying to get one of the princesses to marry him while still making the other heirs incapable of ruling. The crown prince is acting as a regent right now as both of his parents have already fallen victim to the wizard. A lot of his siblings have, too.”

Kay sat up, interested. “How long has this been going on?”

“Longer than I’ve been alive,” Arthur replied. “It’s only been recently that both the king and queen fell victim, and he’s only gotten bolder since then.”

“Okay, I want to punch the son of a bitch, but I don’t know why the prince wants us to do something about it,” Kay said.

“Because he heard about our knights and all they’ve achieved,” Arthur explained with a note of pride in his voice. “Also, my own magic immunity caught his attention.”

“Not to mention Merlin’s at your court and your sister is Morgana le Fay,” Kay finished. “I’m getting the picture.”

“He wants a lot of help down the line, but for now he just wants us to shelter his sister at our court,” Arthur explained. “I’m going to grant her sanctuary, but I’m not sure how far we can afford to go.”

“Why don’t you just sic Doesn’t-think-a-lot on the bastard?” Kay asked. “Works pretty well for any problem you don’t want to focus on too much.”

Arthur leveled a glare at him. “I’m glad you have so much faith in Lancelot, but I’m not sure he can handle this alone. Besides, with curses involved, I think I should put myself on the front lines.”

“I’m sorry, could you repeat, I thought I heard you say something completely stupid?” Kay asked. Arthur rolled his eyes and sighed.

“I’m immune to magic. If it comes down to a fight, I’m the best choice,” Arthur argued.

“You’re also, let’s see here, heirless. Get a kid, then we’ll talk about your need to throw yourself in danger,” Kay retorted. “Let Lancelot handle it! It won’t work on him either because he’s too stupid to even know if he’s supposed to be cursed!”

“I’m bringing him along, but I’m going to meet the princess myself and you can’t stop me,” Arthur stated.

Kay sighed. “I’m coming, too, and if you say no, I’ll tie you to your throne and watch you all hours of the day and night to make sure you don’t escape.”

“That sounds like minor treason, you know.”

“Oh no. Whatever will I do. Truly. Awful crime. I’m completely dissuaded.” Kay’s face remained completely blank as he spoke.

Arthur rolled his eyes. “Alright, smartass. You can fill Lancelot in. I’m going to get Bedivere.”

“What? Why?!”

“Because you’re annoying me.”

“...I really hate you sometimes, Wart.”

“What’s that? You want to share a tent with Lancelot?”

“Wart, do not make me commit regicide, fratricide, and homicide in the same day.”

“Isn’t homicide already included in those other two?”

“The homicide’s for Lancelot.”

“Ah.”