puttingherinhistory

[puttingherinhistory]

Who started the lie that the African American community is a matriarchy? Do people not realize how much we are taught to lower ourselves to uplift Black men? How often we are conditioned to bite our tongues so to not disrespect Black men or to ‘put them down’? How often Black girls and women are expected to be silent about their abuse so a Black man doesn’t get into “the system”?

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there is nothing innate about men that prevents them from competently cleaning

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The dilemma that many black women face: having to combat both racism and sexism.

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Can we please stop calling oral sex or any type of clit stimulation “foreplay”? Not only it is super cisheteronormative, but it also implies that female pleasure is not the main purpose, like it is some type of preparation for the *real* sex (intercourse) and just serves to create lubrication for penises. It is just sex.

And likewise I hate how fellatio is downplayed as "just oral, not real sex" because I have seen the downplaying of fellatio as "not real sex" used to play into rape culture a lot. A lot of women and girls if they're too afraid or uncomfortable with saying no to sex ,or if they feel obligated to have sex when they don't want to, will "just give a blowjob because it's not real sex". I'm deeply disturbed at how much I've heard women and girls say things like "oh I wasn't into him so I just gave him a blowjob instead of having sex with him" or "my boyfriend wouldn't stop bothering me for sex last night and I wasn't in the mood so I just gave him a blowjob to get him to stop bothering me" etc. etc. That's rape culture. Oral sex is still sex and women and girls are still performing sex acts with someone they don't want to have sex with out of feeling obligated or because of coercion. Cishet men directly perpetuate the downplaying of fellatio as a "lesser" sex act than penetration because it's clear how it benefits them, that if oral sex is considered a "lesser" sex act it's easier to coerce girls and women who are hesitant or unwilling to have sex with them to "just" give them a blowjob instead of "real" sex.

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At face value, this is a ridiculous headline. But the article then says his managers berated and insulted him for leaving the party after an anxiety attack, and the company then fired him for taking days off work for “unsafe work practices,” due to having anxiety?

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dear caretakers of children: stop telling kids “I don’t care who started it!”. you’re teaching children to ignore unequal power balances. that leads to legitimate belief in things like reverse racism, misandry, heterophobia, etc. you’re teaching children that it’s wrong to retaliate when they are wronged. “who started it” is very, very relevant.

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“THE vast majority of cultures are patriarchies, where men are more  likely than women to hold positions of social, economic and political  power. So it is tempting to assume that this is the natural state of affairs, perhaps because men are, on average, stronger than women. But a study of humanity’s roots suggests this answer is too simple.

Chimpanzees are not a proxy for our ancestors – they have been evolving since our two family trees split between 7 and 10 million years ago  – but their social structures can tell us something about the  conditions that male dominance thrives in. Common chimpanzee groups are manifestly patriarchal. Males are vicious towards females, they take their food, forcibly copulate with females that are ovulating and even kill them merely for spending time away from the group.

Males also spend their lives in the group they were born into, whereas females leave at adolescence. As a result, males in a group are  more closely related to each other than the females. And because  relatives tend to help one another, they have an advantage.                    

The same is true in human societies: in places where women move to live with their husband’s family, men tend to have more power and privilege. Patrilocal residence, as it is called, is associated with patriarchy, says anthropologist and primatologist Sarah Hrdy at the  University of California at Davis.

For most of our history, we have been hunter-gatherers, and patrilocal residence is not the norm among modern hunter-gatherer  societies. Instead, either partner may move to live with the “in-laws”,  or a couple may relocate away from both their families. According to Hrdy, a degree of egalitarianism is built into these systems. If they reflect what prehistoric hunter-gatherers did, women in those early societies would have had the choice of support from the group they grew  up with, or the option to move away from oppression.

According to one school of thought, things changed around 12,000 years ago. With the advent of agriculture and homesteading, people began settling down.  They acquired resources to defend, and power shifted to the physically  stronger males. Fathers, sons, uncles and grandfathers began living near each other, property was passed down the male line, and female autonomy  was eroded. As a result, the argument goes, patriarchy emerged.

This origin story is supported by a study published in 2004.  Researchers at the Sapienza University of Rome, Italy, studied  mitochondrial DNA (inherited from mothers) and genetic markers on the Y  chromosome (inherited from fathers) in 40 populations from sub-Saharan  Africa. This suggested  that women in hunter-gatherer populations, such as the !Kung and Hadza,  were more likely to remain with their mothers after marriage than women  from food-producing populations. It was the reverse for men, suggesting  that agriculture is indeed correlated with patrilocal societies.

“It’s tempting to assume male dominance is the natural state of human society. It isn’t”

In righting things, solidarity is crucial, says Amy Parish at the  University of Southern California, Los Angeles. She studies bonobo societies, which are patrilocal but female-dominated. Females weigh 15  per cent less than males – similarly to humans and chimps – yet Parish says they have the upper hand because they cooperate and form alliances.  She sees a parallel with feminist movements: “The goal is to behave with unrelated females as if they are your sisters.”

It’s not as easy as it seems. “The #MeToo movement is about female cooperation,” says Hrdy, “but getting cooperation among non-kin is difficult.” Competitive instincts can prevail, or events can cause cooperation to fall apart – for instance in times of war, Hrdy says. “Women start to look out for the safety of their own children and their husbands.” She worries that conflict could erode gains from recent decades. “None of this stuff is certain,” she says. “It’s what I tell my daughters: don’t take any of this that you have now for granted.”

Restoring and strengthening equality will require effort on multiple  fronts, she says. If patriarchy originated in sedentary social  structures that formalised male ownership and inheritance, then laws that give women the right to own property in their own name, for instance, can help.

But such laws exist in many 21st century societies – so why does the  patriarchy persist? Ultimately, real change will only come when societies embody the values espoused by the laws, argues Lise Eliot, a neuroscientist at the Rosalind Franklin University in Chicago: “The laws are the first step, the internalized values come later.”

It’s not mentioned in the article, but on the topic of patriarchy originates from family ties, property, and lineage being passed along paternally, it might be worth thinking about how in most patriarchal societies (not all, but most) children get their family name from their father, hence why it’s called a “surname”. Even in cultures and cases where the parents don’t marry, or they do marry but the mother doesn’t change her last time, the family name for the child almost always comes from the father.

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im pro children having privacy but if you think parents should give kids unrestricted internet access...its not 1999. in 2022 thats legitimately neglectful. do you know how many kids are out here like. watching gore and porn. its not normal or healthy. its traumatic.

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boys and men will try to convince you that humans are intrinsically selfish and egotistical because they can’t cope with the fact that women are actually taught from birth to put their community, their friends, their family, everyone on equal (sometimes even higher) footing.

male individualism is completely dependent on the emotional labour of women, and whenever you try to point this out they act like you’re denying basic human facts

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I really honestly believe that one of the most important forms of direct feminist action a woman can do, if not the most important form of direct feminist action a woman can do, is taking self defense classes and strongly encouraging every woman around her to do the same.

One of the biggest ways patriarchy continues to be perpetuated is men using violence to terrorize women, by using sexual assault and domestic violence and femicide to terrorize women and keep women in our place, and this scares and intimidates even the women who aren’t directly victims of violence against women. You’re all probably familiar with the rate of women who will face domestic violence or sexual assault of some form in their life, it’s almost a given that you or a woman you know will face sexual assault or domestic violence at some point in your lives.

When you learn self defense and strongly encourage other women to do the same, you take away this tool of patriarchal enforcement. And it makes every other form of direct feminist action easier when you’re no longer as afraid of violence and have the confidence to defend yourself.

Those women’s self defense classes that are just a one day seminar, or are just a few weeks long, they’re a good place to get started but if you do a course that’s only one day or only a few weeks long you should do them at least once a year to refresh yourself or else you’ll forget most of the stuff you learned in it and it might not be as helpful.

If you have the time and money I think it’s best to look into long term training in a martial art or fighting style that’s good for self defense. Do your research because some martial arts and fighting styles are better for self defense than others. Like karate, kung fu, and taekwondo are mostly about discipline and winning tournaments but are really not useful for real world self defense (even though they might try to tell you it is to try to get you to sign up and get your money.) I’ve been told aikido is good for self defense, especially because it focuses on being able to defend against opponents who are larger and stronger than you, but I think it depends on what style of aikido and who your instructor is.  I’ve been told that krav maga might be the most effective form of self defense, but do research on who your local krav maga instructor is because some places that call themselves krav maga don’t actually teach you krav maga and aren’t super helpful for self defense. If actually taking up a martial art is something you have the time and resources to do, just do research on what fighting styles are being taught in your area and which ones seem more useful for self defense and how good the instructors are at teaching actually useful self defense.

If you don’t have the time or resources to actually train long term in a fighting style, or even to go to a short term class like a day long seminar or something a few weeks long, youtube is free and can be done from the comfort of your own home. There’s a lot of videos and channels on there that focus on self defense. I don’t think it’s as effective as actually training with a professional in person, but it’s better than nothing. Try to actually practice the moves as you’re watching and refresh yourself by re-watching once in a while.

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waiting for the day when saying “this certain aspect of how our culture approaches sex was really harmful to my psychological development as a child and i would like to see it change for the sake of children growing up today and in the future” is not met by a large part of the left with accusations of rhetorical pearl-clutching or reactionary appeals to eliminate degenerate perverts or whatever. a day which will never come. but still i wait...

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say it with me kids: hypersexuality is not a sexual orientation. hypersexuality is a mental illness that consists of need for sex to feel self worth or as a form of self destructive behavior.

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So many people confuse being irresponsible with being fun and having self-control with being boring