#you will pry that headcanon from my cold dead paws

[bubbasbubblebutt]

"She's just a little'un.....poor thing"

[darthstitch]

For your consideration (wtf is this the academy awards lmao)

Hob and JRRT being pals. Hob pulling the same stunt as JRRT in his class. Saying sth that is obviously BS but the students are like no fooken way

OMG HEADCANON ACCEPTED WITH THE SPEED OF LIGHT.

I also submit that the good Professor was one of the very few people who knew that Hob was truly immortal, figuring it out from the way Hob spoke Middle English.

Hob kind of inspired Tolkien in the writing of the Dunedain and the Rangers. And Hob's descriptions of his "Stranger" gave Tolkien the idea of a hidden King. He and Hob often had some interesting conversations about who Dream might be.

[howlingdemon13]

Betelgeuse I was hugely inspired by a bunch of artists and fic writers in the fandom, as well as a few monster artists who specialize in combining different creatures into beasts that actually look cohesive. I’m not sure how well I was able to execute the vision here, but I’m really proud of it regardless! DiamondZ, nonbinary-arsonist, stinkyhorsebitch, and arbuzyansky were the main catalysts for this, so definitely take a peek at their work or give them a follow. I was initially going to submit this guy for a staff art show, but I don't want to rush the rest of it, so I'm just going to post what I have finished here. Design notes are under the cut.

In earlier drafts, I was looking into more serpentine-looking designs since Beetlejuice turns into a snake in the film. Some of the concepts I was leaning towards looked like either a lindworm or centipede, but I think mammalian fits Musicaljuice since he’s “softer” in a lot of aspects compared to his film counterpart. I may look into playing with a more snake/bug-like design in the future. Beetlejuice’s overall look is heavily inspired by Chalicotherium goldfussi, which were huge Miocene ungulates that are distantly related to things like rhinos and tapirs. Given that Beetlejuice is super old, I felt like an extinct animal was a proper fit. On a more personal level, I really like the way these guys look and it was easier to rework their body plan into something that looks carnivorous. That, and I wasn’t really vibing with other mammalian body plans, especially because I wanted something that was close in shape to a human without being apelike. Huge herbivores also have larger stomachs, which I feel is a better analogue to Beetlejuice’s body type. You’ll have to pry that man’s curves from my cold, dead hands. All his forms are chubby and soft, and I’ll fight you over it in the Denny’s parking lot. I also added some hyaenid traits, especially for the head shape and teeth. Hyenas are very social animals (like Beej, except no one can see him), and striped hyenas and aardwolves specifically have these tall crests of fur that run down their backs and back legs that they can raise and lower to communicate. I’d argue it’s fitting since Beetlejuice’s hair sticks up at odd angles and communicates his mood (intentional or not). And hyenas laugh. Granted they giggle when they’re stressed, but it still fits. I modeled his stripes off of both species as well. His hind paws, ears, and tail are all based off of those of opossums. Beej is very “trash animal”-coded, and I felt like the opossum traits would fit better with the Chalicotherium body than something like a raccoon or skunk. I felt a little bad about not giving him a ton of bug traits, so I tried to add mandibles, but they just weren’t looking right in earlier design drafts. I gave him a bunch of small eyes to compensate, but making him look buggy wasn’t the only reason for the extra eyes. We know from early drafts of the musical script that Beetlejuice’s last name is Shoggoth. These creatures are mentioned by Lovecraft in Fungi from Yuggoth and At the Mountains of Madness, but I’m not sure if this implies that Beej is a shoggoth, or if it more so refers to him being able to manifest multiple limbs/shapeshift/warp reality like one. In that same vein, the mouth in his chest is mostly to look scary and is just another fun little Lovecraftian trait that I felt was needed. Same to the tendrils, but that’s also a common fandom trait that is pretty much canon (to me) at this point. I might rb this with headcanons later on.

[namethat-i-oughttohavetoldyou]

Are you still taking fic Asks? 👀

(I'll start with one fic and try and restrain myself from asking questions for ALL of them XD)

For Eel!

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

2: What scene did you first put down?

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

Always!!! (Seriously, you can ask me about my stuff at any time, because the chance that I have an unreasonable amount of background lore is incredibly high XD) Eel! my beloved <3

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way? -> Nicky Wuchinger's Tugger and Robert Marx' Munkustrap, 100%. There's not even a full boot of them, only a bit of Gumbie Cat and Old Deuteronomy, but the dynamic between them in this like 2 minutes of Old Deut grabbed me by my shirt collar and shook me like a can of hairspray. They felt a lot more like equals to me than many Tuggers and Munks from other productions, because Nicky seems like a rather mature Tugger to me. They definitely influenced me enough that I completely rewrote all my headcanons for the both of them as a pair. (The power they have...) Anyhow, I watched that video of them more often than I'll ever admit, threw out the 'Tugger is younger than Munk and acts like it' headcanon and started to write Eel!, which brings us to the next question.

2: What scene did you first put down? -> The first scene that I wrote was Tugger kneading Munk like a cat shaped pizza dough, the little piece of dialogue about gravity and Tugger calling Munk a puffer fish. You couldn't pry the chubby Munk headcanon from my cold dead hands even if you tried, it just feels correct to me ♥ Honestly, inserting the kittens and the moray into it was mostly for transition reasons, and also because I wanted to write about the kittens as a group more because it's fun.

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics? -> Its content, most likely! The 'Deut bros' hc is basically fandom-canon at this point, (for shame!) and "Eel!" kind of marks the moment I decided to care about fanon even less than I already did and started to unapologetically make posts for this pairing, even though it probably alienated a few people and also got me being called an incest shipper one or two times (even though I made the effort to mention not one, not two, but three times that I didn't consider them to be siblings, as if you couldn't tell that from the story itself. Eyeroll emoji. Sometimes it's good to be able to, yknow, read before interacting with fanfiction for a fandom with very dubious canon).

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story? -> Our dear mutual friend Void was trucking along, writing pages and pages of breathtaking fic, and I felt a little like a sham for being so enthusiastic for Tuggerstrap without writing anything for it myself. That had to change! Thus, I got extremely sappy, wrote the scene I mentioned in question 2 and the rest is history. :]

3: What’s your favorite line of narration? -> [A paragraph once again, because why not.] "Jemima’s head popped out under Munkustrap’s chin, pointing at the book that lay sprawled on its back a few metres away. “It’s a monster book.” “I see,” Munkustrap responded, exchanging a look with Tugger. Tugger nodded, rubbed against George one more time and then stood up, sauntering over to the book. He pulled a paw back and lashed out, slapping the book until the kittens were certain the monsters inside had nothing left to give, and then he sat on it. “Aha,” Tugger said, smugly grooming his paw. “Nothing to be feared now.”" [I just loved the idea of Tugger enacting some typical cat violence of slapping the shit out of something they don't like to reassure the kittens. It feels like something he would do.]

Thank you so much for the questions! ♥♥♥♥

[liathebookwyrm]

Adventures in ring-giving

Remember that post that went around a while back about a boyfriend photobombing his girlfriend with the engagement ring for a month? That's Nie Mingjue. Helped very enthusiastically by Nie Huaissang. Baxia is also involved, much less enthusiastically. The ring is tied to her collar in several of the pictures. On a very memorable occasion she tried to eat it.

Cue Nie Mingjue frantically trying to get it out of her mouth while also keeping Lan Xichen away despite his attempts to help. Ironically Nie Mingjue flying across the room to stop her was not the time Lan Xichen finally realised what was happening...

Although... Our elegant Zewu-jun being proposed to with a ring covered in cat drool would certainly be on brand... In any kind of universe. Nie Huaissang will never stop mentioning it. Especially the part where Lan Xichen teasingly accepted Baxia's paw in marriage (they already share Nie Mingjue anyway).

Speaking of the dread Nie First Lady, imagine if a cultivator's sword, being to an extent a reflection of their inner self, manifested outside of a battlefield scenario. Picture this: it's a regular Discussion Conference and suddenly Baxia is just wooooooshing through the room with whatever token the Nie use to propose dangling from the hilt. And Nie Mingjue chasing after her. Baxia's hilt keeps 'accidentally' getting caught on the trailing ends of Lan Xichen's forehead ribbon

After the 8th time this has happened, Nie Mingjue feels like he has to say something - "I'm so sorry, I think my sword wants to propose to you." Lan Xichen, full of fake innocence: "Is that a euphemism?" Nie Mingjue: qi deviates

Every time these two flirting I can just see both their brothers at opposite ends of the room (not very) subtly taking notes. You will pry the "Nie Huaissang writes the fantasy China equivalent of trashy romance novels" headcanon from my cold dead hands.

Nie Huaissang is taking notes for his oh-so-embarrassing wedding speech, and Lan Wangji is putting together a full compilation of flirting methods to try, because something has to work eventually. Jiang Cheng is of the (very accurate) opinion that Wei Wuxian wouldn't notice Lan Wangji's flirting attempts even if you bashed him round the head with them, but since when has Lan Wangji listened to anything Jiang Cheng says? Jiang Cheng, of course, is quite happy to try the head-bashing method several times just in case.

The note taking has been somewhat excessive… Being in a commited relationship would never stop nielan from being disgustingly sweet (and cheesy) with each other. There's years of material. Everyone thinks Lan Xichen is the more classically romantic of the two, but actually Nie Mingjue is the one doing all the cheesy gestures (in secret, of course).

Okay, but plot twist! Lan Wangji has talked himself into doing something obviously romantic for Wei Wuxian, his uncle's blood pressure be damned, but before he has a chance Wei Wuxian does something just as romantic out of nowhere. Was it spontaneous? Did he get hit by the awareness fairy with a baseball bat? Was he aware all along and being Wei Wuxian about it? Lan Wangji is too busy melting to a puddle of feels and little hearts to think about it.

It was, in fact, spontaneous and (kinda) accidental. Wei Wuxian just rolls with it cos he can't stop staring at Lan Wangji's soft expression and bright red ears. And we officially move from the "I must get him to look at me no matter what" phase to the "I need this particular expression aimed at me as often as possible" phase. Somewhere in the distance Jiang Cheng gets a tension headache and doesn't know why.

As always co-authored with/enabled by @sswangxian

[stargleam-star]

Warriors Rewrite Pt 0: Allegiances

So! Some of you may know Ive started rereading the first arc of warriors. As a result, I've been inspired to come up with my own version of a rewrite. I'm gonna make about 7+ posts of notes about things I'd change throughout the entirety of The Prophecies Begin.

To start off, let's talk about our cast

Leader: Bluestar (Apprentice: Sandpaw)

Blue-gray she-cat with a darker face, tail, and legs, and blue eyes. Basically she's a blue Burmese

She teaches Sandpaw instead of Firepaw because then it'd make sense when Graypaw says Bluestar only trains the deputy's kits. Not to mention I think Bluestar would be good at taming Sandpaw's attitude

Like in canon she gave up her kits. The way it happened was a bit different though. To look more convincing, Bluefur had Oakheart scratch her shoulder to make it look like she'd gone to fight the fox for her kits. Bringing home one of her kits half frozen made her story more believable

Deputy: Redtail (Apprentice: Dustpaw)

Small, mostly black tortoishell tom with a plumy dark ginger tail and green eyes

He lives! Or at least longer than he's supposed to. Probably til up about the time Lionheart dies in canon

He's mates with Runningwind. Sandpaw is their adopted daughter (we need more adoption positivity, plus her having no relation to the clan makes for a cleaner bloodline)

Medicine cat: Spottedleaf

Beautiful spotted torbie she-cat with a white chest, underbelly, and paws and amber eyes

She's not having a love affair with Firepaw/Fireheart in this. Also she's going to live slightly longer cause even tho Im not a fan of hers I want to change that

Warriors:

Lionheart (Apprentice: Graypaw)

Large longhaired golden tabby tom with a broad head, broad shoulders and amber eyes

Instead of dying during the raid Shadowclan leads on Thunderclan camp, he dies when the clan goes to chase out Brokenstar

Tigerclaw

Broad shouldered dark brown tabby tom with a scar across his muzzle and amber eyes

Whitestorm

White tom with a plumy blue-gray tail and yellow eyes

Bluestar raised him alongside Mosskit. So he sees her as his mom figure. He even calls her mom. He still loves Snowfur and sees her as his mother, but Bluestar was there for more of his life so he sees her as a mother too

Following that point, he sees Mosscloud as his sister. He also kind of sees Tigerclaw as a brother but doesn't have as strong of a bond with him as he does with Mosscloud

Mosscloud (Apprentice: Ravenpaw)

White she-cat with lilac patches and blue eyes

It's Mosskit!! She survived

Let me explain how: Bluefur snuck her kits out to bring to Riverclan (as she did in canon). But when she noticed Mosskit was falling behind and growing weak she panicked. She realized her daughter wasn't strong enough to make the journey, not like her littermates. So Bluefur tucked them away under a warm tree root and fetched Oakheart. Oakheart took Mistykit and Stonekit with him, and Bluefur carried Mosskit back to camp. It made her fox kitnapping story more believeable

Mosscloud doesn't really remember what happened that night anyways. If asked she'll say she remembers being cold and out of camp in the snow, and then next thing she knew Bluefur had carried her home. She believes Bluestar's story and believes her littermates are dead

She's really close with her dad, Thrushpelt. During free time she can often be found sharing tongues or having a meal with him

When she is busy, however, she's putting her focus on Ravenpaw. Mosscloud is an incredibly patient cat and wants to draw Ravenpaw out of his shell. She knows he has the potential to be a great warrior

Darkstripe

Black smoke classic tabby tom with a broad face and amber eyes. Like mama Willowpelt he looks like a British Shorthair

Longtail (Apprentice: Firepaw)

Lithe cinnamon silver classic tabby tom with a long tail and blue eyes

He was named a warrior 2 moons before Rusty came to Thunderclan

He was assigned to train Firepaw since he was so keen on testing the tom as soon as he stepped paw in camp (I'll go more in dept on this later)

Runningwind

What does "swift tabby tom" mean @ The Erins???

Here he's a fawn classic tabby tom with yellow-green eyes

He found Sandpaw at the edge of the territory when she was about a halfmoon-moon old kit and immediately brought her home to Thunderclan. She smelled of Windclan and he guessed a queen in the clan had abandoned her

Mousefur

Chocolate ticked tabby she-cat with amber eyes

She's pretty popular among the clan

She's around Longtail's age. They'd been named warriors together

Apprentices:

Sandpaw

Lithe dilute ginger classic tabby she-cat with green eyes

She doesn't know she was adopted from outside of Thunderclan. Nobody wants to tell her and frankly nobody really cares. She has clan blood, that's what's important. Plus she's strong, both physically and in wills

She's the oldest apprentice at approximately 9 and a half-10 moons

Dustpaw

Chocolate smoke tabby tom with amber eyes

He's kinda lean, like his brother. By the way Ravenpaw is his brother

He is 9 moons old at the beginning of Into the Wild

Ravenpaw

Small lithe black tom with a white chest locket, white tail-tip, and purple eyes ((this is my rewrite and I say purple-eyed ravenpaw rights.))

Like his brother he is 9 moons old

Ravenpaw is very grateful for his mentor. At first he feared he'd be given to a cat like Tigerclaw. But when he was given to Mosscloud, he calmed down, if only slightly. He appreciates her kind words and encouragement, and he responds well when she pushes him to do better. He wants to make Mosscloud proud

Graypaw

Longhaired gray tom with yellow eyes, a broad head, and a darker gray stripe from his forehead to his tail-tip. He looks like a British Longhair

He is 6 moons old at the start of Into the Wild, just like in canon. In fact, he'd been named an apprentice the sunhigh before he met Rusty.

He is still Willowpelt's son, despite having siblings who are two moons younger than him. Willowpelt became pregnant again not long after Graykit had been born.

Firepaw

Tom, handsome sorrel Abyssinian mix with green eyes. He's just...really orange

He's plump when he first comes to Thunderclan. Actually he remains kinda chubby

He's 6 moons at the start of Into the Wild

Queens:

Frostfur

Dilute tortoishell point siamese she-cat with a plumy tail and blue eyes

Obviously, her mate is Lionheart. They're the kinda couple who's really mushy and lovey

Her kits are Brackenkit, Swiftkit, and Snowkit

Willowpelt

Silver shaded white she-cat with a broad head and rich blue eyes ("rich" as in super blue. Like deep ocean blue). She looks like a British Shorthair

I decided to make her a queen early. I really like Willowpelt and I think she'd be good as a queen longer

Her mate is Whitestorm

Her kits are Cinderkit and Mistlekit

Before her current kits, Willowpelt had had 2 seperate litters before. Her first born is Darkstripe, who had siblings who had died young. He has an unknown father, but its suspected that he's half Shadowclan. Willowpelt's next litter consisted of one kit: Graypaw, who is also suspected to be half Shadowclan, but by a different tom.

Cinderkit and Mistlekit were born two moons after Graypaw was. This is because Willowpelt had had an out of clan affair, and while expecting a litter, fell in love with Whitestorm. When she was able to, she and Whitestorm mated and it resulted in kits a little sooner than either had expected. Yes this is a real thing that can happen, female cats can get pregnant again anywhere from 1-8 weeks after kitting.

Brindleface

Silver-gray spotted tabby she-cat with yellow-green eyes (I know what Brindle means but I've always headcanoned her to look like this)

She's expecting kits. Nobody knows who the father is though

Goldenflower

Pretty longhaired golden she-cat with broad shoulders, a broad head, and green eyes

She's incredibly fluffy. Even moreso than her brother

Her kits are Brightkit and Thornkit

Nobody knows who the father of her kits are, and she's going to keep it that way

Speckletail

Chocolate tortoishell she-cat

She doesn't have any kits as she is too old. She's just a permanent queen who likes helping newer mothers and kitsitting. She probably won't ever retire.

Kits:

Cinderkit

Blue-gray she-cat with a broad face and blue eyes

She's almost old enough to become an apprentice

Brackenkit

Golden-brown tabby tom with amber eyes

Brackenkit and his littermates are about a moon younger than Willowpelt's kits

Brightkit

Long haired white and ginger patched she-cat with green eyes

She's about a moon old

Thornkit

Longhaired golden tabby tom with orange eyes

Like his sister, he's a moon old

Swiftkit

White and black patched tom with heterochromatic eyes (one yellow and one blue)

Snowkit

Mostly pure white tom with blue eyes and a small patch of gray on the bridge of his nose. He is 100% deaf

I'm keeping this precious baby alive, you'll have to pry him out of my cold dead hands

Mistlekit

Silver shaded white she-cat with a plumy tail and yellow eyes

In canon she's Snowkit's littermate (who the Erins completely forgot about) soo I've revamped her and turned her into Cinderkit's littermate.

Like her sister she's about ready to become an apprentice

Elders:

Halftail

Dark brown tabby tom with a nubby torn off tail

Smallear

Gray tom with small folded ears

Patchpelt

Small black and white patched tom

One-eye

Pale gray she-cat, oldest cat in Thunderclan

Dappletail

Once pretty tortoishell she-cat

Thrushpelt

Lilac classic tabby tom with yellow eyes

He's still in love woth Bluefur but as always it's pretty one sided.

He adores Mosscloud with all his heart as if she were his own kit. As far as he and the clan's concerned, she is his kit. He's so happy he got to be involved in raising at least one of Bluestar's litter

Rosetail

Dilute mostly gray tortoishell with a pale ginger tail, and a white underbelly and paws

She retired early when Thistleclaw died

One day Bluestar explained to her how terrible her brother was, and even though she knows and understands, she still misses him

Cats outside the clan:

Smudge

Tom, Harliquine purebred Japanese Bobtail. Aka he's white and black patched and has a cute nubby tail

He has a little red bowtie collar

Yellowfang

Longhaired, flat faced, dark gray she-cat with a ragged scarred pelt, a yellow snaggle tooth, and orange eyes

Her name is actually Smokefang, but when she's exiled from Shadowclan she changes it.

Cats used to call her yellow-fang as an insult to her hygiene, so she took it on as her identity cause she's that bitch

Jake

Tom, purebred sorrel Abyssinian with amber eyes and a rainbow collar

Why do his owners let him roam around??? They probably don't know he's a pedigree purebred tbh

Nutmeg

Ginger and white tabby she-cat with green eyes

Princess

She-cat, ruddy and white Abyssinian mix with amber eyes and a pink collar

Barley

Black and white tom with yellow eyes and a red bandanna around his neck

Probably has a southern accent

Scourge

Tom, small all black Abyssinian mix with one white paw, ice blue eyes, a tooth studded collar, and dog teeth reinforced claws

Gotta talk about my boi if we're talking about a rewrite. He's probably got a genetic condition through Quince that makes him so damn small. Not to mention he's a runt

His collar is purple cause I make the rules here. And the very front has a bird skull because that's edgy and its a nod to flightfootwarrior/aka @ corvidkatana's old scourge design which I'm incredibly fond of

Also he has a hard time talking and walking. His collar's kinda tight on him now and it hurts to talk. His usual silence comes out more intimidating anyways. As for the difficulty walking thats due to his claws.

[imagines-mha]

If it’s not too much trouble! Jirou relationship headcanons with a Male s/o! Thanks so much!!

Imma do jirou relationship headcanons in general just so everyone can read ok bro 💫💫

💜 She’s so shy but definitely the best gf ever like wtf

💜 You’ll probably have to ask her out after months of pretty eye contact, smirks, bashful smiles and cute conversations because she just can’t bring her blushy self to do it

💜 Will definitely sing for you if you ask

💜 She’ll also play her guitar and will 100% learn all your favourite songs so she can show you

💜 Her favourite thing is when you both listen to music together resting your heads against one another you can pry this headcanon from my cold dead hands

💜 Deep talks about life and society? Check

Deep talks about hero school and stress? Check

Deep talks about how much you adore eachother? Check

Deep talks.

💜 Takes you to music stores a lot and you both splash out on CDs and vinyls she loves that vintage rock aesthetic™️

💜 She’ll steal your clothes and wear them in public with no shame. She thinks they’re cute and comfy and people can fight her on this

💜 You would 100% rock matching outfits. Like both of you coordinating your style around red and black leather for the day? Walking about town hand in hand? You look like models.

💜 Loves arcade dates. She’s so damn skilled at them too

💜 Will be soft™️ when she can be. And i mean so soft. Like sweater paws dancing around the kitchen at 3am soft. Like watching a movie curled on your chest soft. Soft.

💜 She’s so real too like you can talk to her abt literally anything and she’ll listen to you no lie she’s such a good advice-giver

💜 10/10 rock girlfriend who would treat u reat dude 😎💫

[anneimaginesundertale]

2. “Who are you talking to? Me or the cat?” with Uf Papyrus!! I... actually dont remember if you headcanon Boss having doomfanger as a cat😂 can be fun tho!

I do imagine Boss with Doomfanger the cat!  I love Doomfanger!  I don’t think she’s come up much (she avoided the Great Prank War) but I know she was briefly in a piece about an SO who was scared of storms, because Boss actually moved her off his bed in favor of SO, and in another one he learned how to crochet her catnip mice.  In my mind, she is a big Maine Coon cat who is all black and fluffy with yellow eyes. I’m basing her on my big kitty Sheldon, who is the world’s sweetest cat. (Even sweeter than my Marshall cat, because Sheldon cuddles and Marshall does not.) I’ll have to include Doomfanger in more things.  She is an awesome and ferociously fluffy feline! 

--

You were feeling kind of down. No big reason, just one of those days. Nothing looked nice when you tried it on, your shoes had pinched your feet all day, and you hadn’t been able to get your hair to cooperate this morning. You flopped down on the couch and tried to think about something else. Papyrus was somewhere in the house, but you didn’t feel like going to look for him.

Doomfanger the cat jumped onto the couch and settled herself in your lap. She purred contentedly. You stroked her silky black fur. “At least one of us always looks gorgeous,” you said. Doomfanger rumbled in agreement.

With the cat on your lap and the tv as background noise, you managed to fall asleep on the couch. You woke to your boyfriend’s voice. “Hello, my gorgeous darling. I’ve missed you.”

You opened your eyes to find Papyrus cradling his cat. She had her paws around his neck and was nuzzling his skull. She only ever let him hold her like that. Of course he was talking to the cat, you thought. You weren’t beautiful today.

The cat meowed. Papyrus chuckled. “Yes, yes, Doomfanger, you’re lovely too, but you know Y/N is the one person I treasure more than you. Humans are just more valuable than cats. But I do love you too.”

Oh. He wasn’t talking to the cat. Your self-loathing felt pointless now.

“Hey,” you said lamely.

Papyrus set the cat gently on a chair and came over immediately. “Dearest,” he said warmly, bending to kiss your cheek. “Did you have a good nap?”

“I guess so.”

“What’s the matter?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me, dearest.”

“Fine.” You told him about your day and about mistaking his compliment as being for the cat. He laughed.

“I only have one gorgeous darling, and it is you, my love,” he said, cupping your cheek tenderly. “And if you are not feeling beautiful today, then I will make you feel beautiful. Come on. We’ll get you a bath and a fresh outfit to start with. May I carry you up the stairs?”

You nodded and he scooped you up bridal style to begin pampering you.

—

You can pry a loving, pampering Fell Papyrus from my cold, dead fingers. If you are his mate, then he adores you with Gomez Addams-level devotion.

This is Sheldon, the inspiration for Doomfanger. He’s a good kitty.

[darthstitch]

10 Random Headcanons About Mr. Hart and Mr. Unwin

1. "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a certain senior Knight newly crowned as Arthur, must be in want of a Guinevere."

The above piece of wisdom was delivered by one Roxy Morton, a.k.a. Lancelot, complete with a rather Significant Look directed at Eggsy Unwin a.k.a. Galahad.

Eggsy's response was an equally eloquent: "Sod off." Also, he was blushing so hard that Harry even noticed it after he walked into the room five minutes later. Which prompted a completely awkward (and adorable, according to Roxy) exchange that consisted of Harry fussing and Eggsy getting all the more flustered, not helped by the fact that at some point, Harry actually called him: "my dear," seemingly by accident. Harry called for tea and Eggsy had to sit through the rest of the Round Table meeting hiding behind a mug of chamomile and scones.

2. Tristan might be a badass assassin who doted on his dog and could easily kill a dozen men with a dull pencil, but he was also interested in crafts and had a puckish sense of humor. He gifted a framed, cross-stitched version of Roxy's quote to Eggsy. Eventually, Eggsy did end up hanging the damn thing in his own office. This was long, long after Eggsy could finally get over the initial abject horror and sheer mortification that John fuckin' Wick had noticed Eggsy's hopeless affections for Harry Hart.

3. It gets worse. EVERYONE actually saw that Eggsy was arse over tits for Harry Hart. "There, there, lad," Merlin told him much, much later, when they'd finally sorted themselves out. "Actually, everyone else had also noticed that he was equally besotted with you."

"Oi," was Harry's reaction to that, in a very deadpan, accurate imitation of Eggsy's accent.

4. Eggsy's "posh" voice gets any number of reactions when he has occasion to use it. His mates have all died of laughter when they've heard him use it in the shop. His mum is also not immune to the giggles, but only because, as she's remarked, "It suits you, Eggsy-boy." Originally, it was a beautiful, dead-on impersonation of Harry himself. These days, when Eggsy slips into that accent, every syllable crisp, cold, and clear, he can actually be terrifying. This is how Galahad takes command of half a dozen Knights in order to go rescue their King and how he even gets Merlin to snap to attention.

5. What most people don't know is that Harry is equally capable of taking on Eggsy's chav accent. The following exchange was recorded for posterity:

Harry: Ah, yer th'guvna, Merlin. Fanks.

Merlin: You're welcome, Galahad.

Harry: S'Arfur, now, innit?

Merlin: ...

Eggsy: *in the background, giggling*

Merlin: Arthur?

Harry: Yeh, bruv?

Merlin: Don't ever do that to me again.

Eggsy: *loses it completely*

6. Harry Hart, of course, spent some time privately agonizing over the fact that he'd gone and fallen for a man half his age. He'd ruefully thought to himself that if he HAD to go through the obligatory "mid-life crisis" he figured that living the life of a Kingsman would have sorted all that out. But no, he had to go arse over teakettle for one beautiful, brave, bright young man who deserved to have the world laid at his feet. Harry was a gentleman of honor and he was quietly prepared to never openly speak of his feelings. If he could have Eggsy in his life as a very dear friend, then Harry would count himself fortunate. If he could have that familiar voice call him " 'Arry" and laugh and tease and generally be the impertinent, mischief-making, cheeky darling that he was, Harry would be content.

(Merlin has heard all this and had to pour himself a very stiff drink, prior to banging his head on his desk because, OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE, HARRY ARTHUR FITZWILLIAM HART.)

7. Harry had quickly become wrapped around the tiny, sticky fingers of little Daisy Unwin from the moment they were introduced. Daisy adored her 'Arry and immediately demanded to be picked up and even Eggsy couldn't completely pry her away, at least until she'd finally fallen asleep with her head on his shoulder, one little hand fisted around Harry's tie. Thus, Harry soon became a regular at tea parties, helped Daisy dress her dolls and also helped her invent fanciful adventures for the dolls to go on, involving kings and dashing knights and dragons and princesses.

8. It was Daisy, actually, who'd managed to finally drive home some very important truths.

"I wuv you, 'Arry."

"I love you too, poppet."

"Eggy wuvs 'Arry too. Wilf you marry Eggy, 'Arry?"

Harry's normally brilliant brain had temporarily gone offline at that innocent question but he must've sputtered out some suitable answer: (Perhaps if Eggsy says yes... / O'course 'e will, 'Arry! Eggy wuvs you muchly!) And right on the heels of that, Harry had heard Eggsy respond in this broken, ragged tone that Harry dearly hoped he would never hear again:

"Eggsy would say 'Yes' - that is, if Harry would only ask."

Needless to say, the two idiots eventually managed to bring Daisy back to her Mum, so that they could have a private talk that involved several heartfelt confessions, kisses and other interesting things best left to the imagination.

No, Merlin, Harry and Eggsy absolutely did not end up defiling the Round Table. Why on earth would they do that when there was a perfectly acceptable bedroom?

In any case, the above incident had convinced Merlin that Daisy might well be a worthy "Morgana" to take his place one day.

9. After Harry and Eggsy, in their friends' own words, "finally got their respective heads out of their arses and sorted their shite out," Eggsy has observed that Harry is apparently incapable of at least going one day without addressing Eggsy by some sort of endearment or the other. "My dear" used to slip out quite accidentally, back when they were both mutually pining, which pretty much confirmed everyone else's suspicions about Harry's real feelings. These days, Eggsy will often hear Harry call him "darling" or "dearest" and it never fails to make him blush and feel all warm inside.

Of course, Eggsy has his own endearments and calling Harry "love" or referring to him as "my Harry" never fails to bring out the smile that Eggsy loves the most, the sweet, shy smile that will eventually give way to the one with the dimples.

10. In the wake of the former Arthur's treachery and the clear weaknesses he had in running Kingsman, Harry as Arthur took a different approach in rebuilding and making sure that changes for the better were made. Going out on missions was one of those changes. "Code Excalibur" became an official thing when it became patently clear that while Arthur and Galahad were already deadly working by themselves, they were absolutely lethal when working together. Of course, this was only invoked in missions where basically the fate of the world was at stake.

The most epic case in which a Code Excalibur was invoked happened during what should have been just a simple intelligence gathering mission that the trainees would be watching from the feeds in Merlin's office. Up to this point, the trainees had not realized that the apparently senior Knight known as "Harry" who so often shamelessly flirted with Agent Galahad and regularlymanaged to wipe the floor with the more arrogant trainees, was actually Arthur himself. Somehow, explosions, potential doomsday weapons and Arthur and Galahad being magnificently badass together happened, at which point Merlin just gave up and called the rest of the Knights in to help.

(Merlin: God help my sanity)

[darthstitch]

The Idiot's Guide on How To Tell Your Mischief-Making Archangels Apart

(Yes, His Formerly Infernal Featherbrained Nibs still qualifies, even if he gets all snarly and flame-eyed about it.)

1. Wings

Michael's wings are the color of the night sky, threaded through with stars. He thinks nothing of using a wing to pull his favorite people in for a hug or to show comfort and it drives the Kingsman tailors absolutely bonkers how he manages to do that without ruining the suit.

Roxy Morton has a necklace with a feather in it. Michael will always know where his goddaughter is and if she is ever in danger that even a Knight of Kingsman cannot get out of, he will always know where to find and help her.

He's already lost one Lancelot; he won't have that happening again.

Yes, he's done the same with his remaining Kingsman family - Eggsy, Harry and even little Daisy.

***

Lucifer's wings, of course, help explain his name. They are silver white and they glow... sometimes.

(They didn't really glow in his time in Hell.)

Chloe has figured out that they glow especially bright when she kisses him, when she makes him laugh, when she does all the little ordinary human things that let him know he's loved. She's seen them fold gently around Trixie when she pounces on him for a hug, soft and sunbright.

Lucifer used to hate his wings with a passion, believing them to be chains, to be manipulations of his Father.

He stopped when he realized that he couldn't have saved his beloved Chloe without them.

2. Glasses

Michael has had twenty years of living among humans, unaware of what he used to be. The glasses weren't only just something he adopted because of Kingsman. He's always been aware that something about his direct gaze unnerves people.

It's the reason why Harry lets him handle interrogations, when they work together on mission. The first time Michael had consciously tried it was somewhat hilarious and terrifying at the same time. The poor idiot started confessing all his sins, even back to a schoolboy panty-stealing prank.

He likes wearing them now and has a pair that are decidedly non-Kingsman issue.

Predictably, his twin rolled his eyes upon hearing the comment from Ella Lopez: "He looks like Lucifer doing a Clark Kent cosplay. So cute!"

Michael couldn't help laughing when it was the good Detective Chloe who then chimed in with a: "Y'know, Christopher Reeve as Clark Kent was my childhood crush. There's just something about Tall, Dark, Handsome and Adorkable in Glasses."

Yeah, that last one definitely made Lucifer grumpy (read: jealous). Although he did brighten up considerably when Chloe later pointed out that HE was adorkable as well. At least until the inevitable: "I am NOT Adorkable!"

"Keep telling yourself that, Lucifer," was Chloe's response, along with a kiss.

Yeah, game, set and match once again went to Detective Chloe Decker.

3. Instruments

The Twins, of course, play all musical instruments. And they can do that pretty well.

One of them prefers the piano. It's totally not the one with the penchant for drama, guyliner and sinfully fitted suits.

Right. If you believe that, we've got a bridge in New York to sell you.

These days, there's a certain sense of sheer enjoyment when Lucifer plays the piano at Lux, especially when he chooses to sing along. It helps when a certain blonde detective is in the audience, unwinding after a long day at work. His Formerly Infernal Featherbrained Nibs will probably make some innuendo-filled comment about Chloe and inspiration at this point and Chloe will probably roll her eyes at him, but this time, the exasperation is fond and loving and he soaks that all up blissfully.

And of course, Michael prefers the guitar. While London is his home, the fact that he has wings and has finally re-discovered the ability to "hop" from one country to another, means that he can always visit his twin in L.A. when he wants.

Of course, these days, he's far more welcome than Amenadiel, who can still, on occasion, get on Lucifer's last nerve.

When the Twins choose to play together, guitar and piano, and voices raised in harmony, it's magic.

4. Opinions

Michael's nature is as the Father made him. He protects and defends. There are many dreadful and evil things that are out there, far beyond human ken and it is Michael who will face them head on.

But Michael also helps protect and defend in spiritual battles. His is the name that believers will invoke when they face the darkness in their souls. He can't wage those battles on his own, of course, because every person has to do that themselves. But he is the one who is the shield at their back, who whispers of courage and hope and strength.

Michael fell in love, truly in love, with humanity first.

He remembers sharing the Father's excitement at this new life, that did have a spark of the divine but was still so fragile and all the more precious because of it.

And that is why Michael had been furious with his twin at his rebellion. Samael's arrogance and presumption. His selfishness and self-centeredness. The way he'd opened humankind's eyes to good and evil, before he thought they could be ready for it. The way that he had envied humanity's place in their Father's heart, his initial disgust and disdain of them.

Michael had been angry. He'd been angry at Samael.

And yes, Michael was angry at himself. He was angry over the Fall and the loss of Samael... now Lucifer, to Hell and the fact that he couldn't protect his Twin. Not in this.

Although in the deepest part of his Self, Michael knows that if it were left to him, he would have left humanity forever innocent of such things. They would never have grown if Samael had not dared their Father's wrath. They would never have changed and been what they were now, beautifully imperfect and capable of great things, both terrible and good.

Michael remembers quietly listening at the feet of a Certain Jewish carpenter, who also happened to like telling stories. The story that has stayed with him is the one of the Prodigal, the son who had foolishly squandered his Father's gifts and returned shamed and sorry, but still welcomed by his parent with love, joy and acceptance.

Michael remembers weeping afterwards and the Storyteller did come to him, held his hand and brushed away his tears in gentle comfort. "Brother, why do you weep?"

"Because. I do not want to be the firstborn son," Michael finds himself blurting out. "I love my brother. I still love him. And I failed him."

(As we know, it is very difficult to lie to the Storyteller. Even if one happens to be an Archangel.)

The firstborn son, the one who had stayed with the Father, who had been dutiful and obedient. Michael isn't the firstborn in the family, but he looks at his own Self and realizes his own failings. Sees himself in that firstborn son of the story. He doesn't want to be like that - resentful, proud and jealous. Self-righteous. Unforgiving. Unyielding.

He doesn't want to be the one to hold his brother down again, weapon at his throat, filled with wrath.

"Then don't be like that," the Storyteller tells him with an affectionate smile. "Love your brother. He is lost... but he will be found, someday. Welcome him home. Be happy for him."

Michael listened and kept that lesson close to his heart.

5. Style

"Well obviously, I get the style points in this family. Amenadiel has made some truly unfortunate sartorial choices and well... the only one who comes closest could be my twin, that is, if he'd only be convinced to remove that tie."

"Excuse me?"

"Amenadiel, if you're tired of walking around in that dreadful hoodie and jeans combination, please let me know so I can schedule an appointment for you with my tailor."

"I happen to own a very nice three piece, Luci. Even Linda -- "

"Yes, dear elder brother, do finish that sentence. I'm all ears!"

"This tie hides a garotte in it that I can use in a pinch."

"Oooh, do you have any other interesting toys, twin?"

"Got a lighter that I can use as a grenade? And this suit is bulletproof."

"..."

"Michael, you're supposed to be the SENSIBLE twin, please do not encourage Lucifer."

"Mmmm.... Lucifer likes."

Obviously, His Formerly Infernal Featherbrained Nibs ending up getting bespoke bulletproof Kingsman suits for Christmas. While he still disdained ties, the novelty of being bulletproof around Chloe when they were off crime-fighting together was too good to pass up.

- end -

Notes:

Look, I'm really, really, REALLY tired of all the "Michael-is-a-douche" stories that I keep stumbling on to in fandom. He's my favorite Archangel. So... hey, if I can't get the story I want to read, I guess I have to tell it myself. Eeek?

Michael did the tailoring for Luci's Kingsman suits himself, with some help from Eggsy and Harry.

No, Luci is not allowed to get a Kingsman lighter grenade.

[darthstitch]

Fic snippet WIP

"He basically looks like Lucifer, that is, if Lucifer decided to cosplay as Clark Kent," Ella concluded.

Chloe pressed her fingers against the bridge of her nose. Because. Superman. Clark Kent. Totally not her girlhood crush. Oy.

The man in question blinked adorably behind those nerd glasses. "Er... should I show you my press card? I swear I'm not wearing spandex underneath this suit."

Chloe regarded him suspiciously. There was mischief dancing in those dark eyes, perhaps not quite the... devilment she was used to from her partner, but yeah.

Definite mischief.

Also: "Mew."

"Why do you have a KITTEN in your pocket?"

"I needed my hands free. And he likes it there. Also, I promise you, I'm not an axe murderer, I just happen to be the poor chap who ended up finding this poor dead sod in what I thought was m'own hotel room." He smiled faintly, and it was a little disconcerting. "I'm Michael Percivale. At your service."

"Mew."

Note:

*facepalm*

There is a method to my madness I swear. His Formerly Infernal Featherbrained Nibs is too busy having kittens over the appearance of his twin brother....who, apparently, is a LITERAL CAT MAGNET. So....yeah. I am gonna tie this in to my Kingsman fic. Somehow.