#harry hart is fitzwilliam darcy as a gentleman spy

[darthstitch]

10 Random Headcanons About Mr. Hart and Mr. Unwin

1. "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a certain senior Knight newly crowned as Arthur, must be in want of a Guinevere."

The above piece of wisdom was delivered by one Roxy Morton, a.k.a. Lancelot, complete with a rather Significant Look directed at Eggsy Unwin a.k.a. Galahad.

Eggsy's response was an equally eloquent: "Sod off." Also, he was blushing so hard that Harry even noticed it after he walked into the room five minutes later. Which prompted a completely awkward (and adorable, according to Roxy) exchange that consisted of Harry fussing and Eggsy getting all the more flustered, not helped by the fact that at some point, Harry actually called him: "my dear," seemingly by accident. Harry called for tea and Eggsy had to sit through the rest of the Round Table meeting hiding behind a mug of chamomile and scones.

2. Tristan might be a badass assassin who doted on his dog and could easily kill a dozen men with a dull pencil, but he was also interested in crafts and had a puckish sense of humor. He gifted a framed, cross-stitched version of Roxy's quote to Eggsy. Eventually, Eggsy did end up hanging the damn thing in his own office. This was long, long after Eggsy could finally get over the initial abject horror and sheer mortification that John fuckin' Wick had noticed Eggsy's hopeless affections for Harry Hart.

3. It gets worse. EVERYONE actually saw that Eggsy was arse over tits for Harry Hart. "There, there, lad," Merlin told him much, much later, when they'd finally sorted themselves out. "Actually, everyone else had also noticed that he was equally besotted with you."

"Oi," was Harry's reaction to that, in a very deadpan, accurate imitation of Eggsy's accent.

4. Eggsy's "posh" voice gets any number of reactions when he has occasion to use it. His mates have all died of laughter when they've heard him use it in the shop. His mum is also not immune to the giggles, but only because, as she's remarked, "It suits you, Eggsy-boy." Originally, it was a beautiful, dead-on impersonation of Harry himself. These days, when Eggsy slips into that accent, every syllable crisp, cold, and clear, he can actually be terrifying. This is how Galahad takes command of half a dozen Knights in order to go rescue their King and how he even gets Merlin to snap to attention.

5. What most people don't know is that Harry is equally capable of taking on Eggsy's chav accent. The following exchange was recorded for posterity:

Harry: Ah, yer th'guvna, Merlin. Fanks.

Merlin: You're welcome, Galahad.

Harry: S'Arfur, now, innit?

Merlin: ...

Eggsy: *in the background, giggling*

Merlin: Arthur?

Harry: Yeh, bruv?

Merlin: Don't ever do that to me again.

Eggsy: *loses it completely*

6. Harry Hart, of course, spent some time privately agonizing over the fact that he'd gone and fallen for a man half his age. He'd ruefully thought to himself that if he HAD to go through the obligatory "mid-life crisis" he figured that living the life of a Kingsman would have sorted all that out. But no, he had to go arse over teakettle for one beautiful, brave, bright young man who deserved to have the world laid at his feet. Harry was a gentleman of honor and he was quietly prepared to never openly speak of his feelings. If he could have Eggsy in his life as a very dear friend, then Harry would count himself fortunate. If he could have that familiar voice call him " 'Arry" and laugh and tease and generally be the impertinent, mischief-making, cheeky darling that he was, Harry would be content.

(Merlin has heard all this and had to pour himself a very stiff drink, prior to banging his head on his desk because, OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE, HARRY ARTHUR FITZWILLIAM HART.)

7. Harry had quickly become wrapped around the tiny, sticky fingers of little Daisy Unwin from the moment they were introduced. Daisy adored her 'Arry and immediately demanded to be picked up and even Eggsy couldn't completely pry her away, at least until she'd finally fallen asleep with her head on his shoulder, one little hand fisted around Harry's tie. Thus, Harry soon became a regular at tea parties, helped Daisy dress her dolls and also helped her invent fanciful adventures for the dolls to go on, involving kings and dashing knights and dragons and princesses.

8. It was Daisy, actually, who'd managed to finally drive home some very important truths.

"I wuv you, 'Arry."

"I love you too, poppet."

"Eggy wuvs 'Arry too. Wilf you marry Eggy, 'Arry?"

Harry's normally brilliant brain had temporarily gone offline at that innocent question but he must've sputtered out some suitable answer: (Perhaps if Eggsy says yes... / O'course 'e will, 'Arry! Eggy wuvs you muchly!) And right on the heels of that, Harry had heard Eggsy respond in this broken, ragged tone that Harry dearly hoped he would never hear again:

"Eggsy would say 'Yes' - that is, if Harry would only ask."

Needless to say, the two idiots eventually managed to bring Daisy back to her Mum, so that they could have a private talk that involved several heartfelt confessions, kisses and other interesting things best left to the imagination.

No, Merlin, Harry and Eggsy absolutely did not end up defiling the Round Table. Why on earth would they do that when there was a perfectly acceptable bedroom?

In any case, the above incident had convinced Merlin that Daisy might well be a worthy "Morgana" to take his place one day.

9. After Harry and Eggsy, in their friends' own words, "finally got their respective heads out of their arses and sorted their shite out," Eggsy has observed that Harry is apparently incapable of at least going one day without addressing Eggsy by some sort of endearment or the other. "My dear" used to slip out quite accidentally, back when they were both mutually pining, which pretty much confirmed everyone else's suspicions about Harry's real feelings. These days, Eggsy will often hear Harry call him "darling" or "dearest" and it never fails to make him blush and feel all warm inside.

Of course, Eggsy has his own endearments and calling Harry "love" or referring to him as "my Harry" never fails to bring out the smile that Eggsy loves the most, the sweet, shy smile that will eventually give way to the one with the dimples.

10. In the wake of the former Arthur's treachery and the clear weaknesses he had in running Kingsman, Harry as Arthur took a different approach in rebuilding and making sure that changes for the better were made. Going out on missions was one of those changes. "Code Excalibur" became an official thing when it became patently clear that while Arthur and Galahad were already deadly working by themselves, they were absolutely lethal when working together. Of course, this was only invoked in missions where basically the fate of the world was at stake.

The most epic case in which a Code Excalibur was invoked happened during what should have been just a simple intelligence gathering mission that the trainees would be watching from the feeds in Merlin's office. Up to this point, the trainees had not realized that the apparently senior Knight known as "Harry" who so often shamelessly flirted with Agent Galahad and regularlymanaged to wipe the floor with the more arrogant trainees, was actually Arthur himself. Somehow, explosions, potential doomsday weapons and Arthur and Galahad being magnificently badass together happened, at which point Merlin just gave up and called the rest of the Knights in to help.

(Merlin: God help my sanity)

[darthstitch]

Nope totally not arse over tits for each other. Not at all.

The other Knights totally do not notice these two losers moping over each other and they totally don't exchange mutual telepathic messages of:

FFS DO SOMETHING MERLIN

WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE ME

IDK MAYBE BECAUSE YOU'RE THE MAGICIAN

[darthstitch]

10 Headcanons about Harry Hart

1. Harry’s full name is actually Henry Arthur Fitzwilliam Hart.  There’s several levels of irony with the “Arthur” considering the latter events of his life and also involving a few reincarnations, but perhaps it was always meant to be, what with the whole “once and future” bit.

2. The observation that Harry Hart was basically “bloody Fitzwilliam Darcy as a gentleman spy, fuck my life” was first made by Eggsy Unwin.  Given that Eggsy was not just a fan of “My Fair Lady” but also of “Pride and Prejudice,” the observation was all too apt. Eggsy is not the only person to make that observation, which has been said by various people around Kingsman, including the tailors, techs, Knights, staff and trainees.  The kitchen staff have been especially symphathetic to poor Eggsy’s plight, having kept him well supplied with tea and scones through the worst of things.

3. The ironic thing is that Fitzwilliam Darcy, as lovingly captured by the very astute Jane Austen, was a real person and was in fact, Sir Percy Fitzwilliam Darcy Blakeney Hart.  The man who was also immortalized in print by Baroness Orcsy as the Scarlet Pimpernel.

4. Sir Percy is Harry’s several times great grandfather and yes, he was involved in more than a few epic shenanigans during the worst of the French Revolution and the Terror that followed it.  The fact that his adventures were fctionalized serves the same purpose as Harry’s collection of Sun tabloid headlines.

5. Being both a magnificent badass and a Terrible Human Disaster is genetic.  Poor Sir Percy had a hell of a time winning the heart and hand of the love of his life, as captured by Ms. Austen, but all went well eventually.  

6. When the two idiots known as Harry Hart and Eggsy Unwin finally got over their tendency to suffer over what they thought was an unrequited love in silence beautiful, they’d agreed to keep their relationship discreet.  Not because they were ashamed of it, but because Harry really wanted to keep Merlin from winning that betting pool.

7. All these good intentions went straight out the window the moment Harry absentmindedly said, “As you wish, darling” to Eggsy in front of the entire Round Table.  Eggsy turned the loveliest shade of pink, because he will never get over the fact that Harry tends to refer to him using various endearments. Roxy burst into laughter.  Merlin groaned and it turned out that Percival was the one who won the pool.

8. The Hart family crest is a scarlet pimpernel.  Both Harry and Eggsy have this for their cuff links.

9. Harry will one day tell Eggsy about his ridiculous ancestors, because, of course, it was impossible for Lizzie Bennet not to have joined her husband in adventurous shenanigans.  He is quite thankful that he has his own Eggsy at his side, ready to take down various supervillains and save the world together.

10. Code Excalibur has basically come to mean that Arthur and Galahad will be setting forth together on a mission and it is the code phrase that Merlin dreads the most.  While these two absolute bastards will be properly magnificent together and save the world again, Merlin is not sure how long his blood pressure can take it.

[darthstitch]

So basically it seems like it's a perequisite for Mr. Darcy to look all smouldering and broody in a concerted effort to hide how much of a HUMAN DISASTER he is.

I have the overwhelming need to merge Pride and Prejudice with The Scarlet Pimpernel. I MEAN HARRY ARTHUR FITZWILLIAM HART HAD TO GET THIS WHOLE GENTLEMAN SPY THING FROM SOMEBODY IN HIS FAMILY!

[darthstitch]

In which Darth Stitch continues with Her Terrible Life Choices and watches Human Disaster...I mean, Fitzwilliam Darcy, go all a twitterpated over his dear, dear Ms. Bennet.

You're KILLING me here, bruv.

Also it occurs to me that one Harry Hart is basically Mr Darcy as a gentleman spy.

GDI I AM GONNA WRITE THIS AREN'T I?