#you spent so long doing this for me I-
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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i listen to fog lake too much
#falls through the ceiling with a mighty crash hello#it's been what...8 months?#I was too busy w uni and being mentally ill#thank u everyone so much for the tags on all prev posts.. i re-read them oaccasionally đ#they make me v happy thank u for giving me a moment of ur time#that means so much#anyway! vashwood!!#i hate them so much#i want to eat them#i want to ugly cry#i want an ideal world where they could've had something for a little bit#im eating drywall and pacing around the room in a cold sweat#so trimax-atypical overt intimacy it is#more coming...in maybe another year#It's a big project!#to me. yeah#my dream is to be put in a terrarium for a while#if only u knew how many wips I have w vashwood..#maybe i'll get tired and pile them into one post all unfinished and no less ok for it yk#whatever u r doing doesn't need to be perfect to make someone happy#didn't u experience a positive little zap from my imperfect colored doodle rn?#what a speedrun of a drawing that was#(<spent 10h on it. that's the minimum for anything ever)#hope today is treating you well! so long stranger!#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trimax#trigun#tzarrz
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Happy Birthday to Fallen London; My favourite British people beefing it with bats simulator.
#fallen london#ambition: nemesis#mr.cups#Happy belated birthday to me: I finished my Nemesis ambition. I get to make a fun comic about it. THAT WAS THE DEAL!!!#...Is what I would have said had I not spent *four* days trying to draw a cool dramatic comic. This is all I have to show for it.#I also missed posting this on the Flondon anniversary so I'm double Smad and frustippointed at myself.#This is niche content but I know there are flondoners following me who will understand.#I had to make a second account because all my friends who I played with *also* picked Nemesis and dropped the game at various gates.#I failed every possible check at Knifegate. I was on the verge of madness. And yet I still love this game.#Little known secret about me: over 70% of the blogs I follow on tumblr are flondon rp blogs.#The cool art and character lore brings me a lot of joy!#With that said; what the hell is the coincidence that right as I finish Nemesis -#The flondon community starts a Nemesis Race.#Guys. itâs not worth it. It is a revenge quest about losing everything you have to see your task through.#All to culminate in the discovering that you are beefing it with a fanfiction writing bat.#That said; I do feel like this story was very satisfying for my melancholic doctor.#I knew I would get the choice between sparing or killing my nemesis (the bat) and I had a long time to think it through.#Someone who wants to save lives and (does as much as possible to do make things better for others) choosing against mercy?#Someone who never permitted themselves to let the city truly become a home because they were not a person - they were a tool for grief.#Alright..Yeah the ending was really good.#I will be back with a part two. Clearly I'm tenacious enough to commit to what I started.#If I am not excommunicated on sight by the flondon community I will be back with comics for the other ambitions.
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ok now is the time where i admit that alighterwood got into my head and now i have a batfam rewrite au plotline sitting in my outline drafts
#please do not repost my art guys#saw someone reposted it on insta and was disappointed#and if anyone wants to draw these designs please tag me#both because i wouldn't be bothered and would love to see it#i spent so long on these designs#also i just really love the name pheonix for jason#and you can pry it from my cold dead hands#but i will come back from the dead#ala jason todd#is that how you do the ala?#a la?#hm#food for thought#erinwantstowrite#jason todd#jason todd au#pheonix#jason todd pheonix#tim drake#but make him#tim wayne#damian wayne#damian al ghul#robin! tim#but he's not robin here#robin! dami#sun bird tim!#sun bird#i also REALLY love sun bird for tim#red bat dami
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Transcript:
Machine.
Does my ass look fat in this armor?
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#ultrakill#gabriel ultrakill#ONE QUESTION. DO IT JIGGLE?! (i am swiftly beheaded for this)#its not obvious due to the helmet but hes supposed to be somewhat looking back at the 'camera' bro got caught in 4k. do u understand#i debated giving v1 a blank stare vs having more of an eye so i kinda went in the middle#in the source he says 'what do you mean yes?' afterwards but it didnt match the pic so i cut it out#i spent way too long on the art i will never do that again#chat never spend 20+ hours on a shitpost worst mistake of my life#future shitpost art will be a lot simpler like the stuff ive posted in the past i just was not normal about this#posts that put me on the 'cannot be left in a room with gabe' watchlist#who am i kidding i was already on the list#my art
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The cutest but also funniest and most ironic thing about wangxianâs relationship in their first life is that from the outside looking in, it really does seem like they donât like each other! But when they reflect on their memories of the other, itâs always sweet af.
Wei Wuxian spent the whole Cloud Recesses arc âpesteringâ Lan Wangji, while Lan Wangji would always blow up on him and reject his invitations to hang out. But when Wei Wuxian returns to Lotus Pier? He fantasizes about inviting Lan Wangji over to give him a tour of his home and show the other teen how he lives. On the other end, Lan Wangji has kept all of Wei Wuxianâs giftsâeven skirting his clan rules to do soâand goes on a one-man quest to explore the foods that Wei Wuxian had told him about in casual conversation. Wei Wuxian had reoccurring dreams about running a somewhat isolated farm with Lan Wangji as his immediate neighbor. Lan Wangji, concurrently, was having rated R dreams about Wei Wuxianâs library punishments. When Wei Wuxian gets surprise-kissed on Phoenix Mountain, not only does Lan Wangji take it harder than he does when it happens, but Wei Wuxian is absolutely ecstatic to find out that it was actually Lan Wangji all along, which is also his reaction to discovering the teenage Lan Wangjiâs wet dreams.
Even their infamous Sunshot Campaign âfightsâ are remembered by Wei Wuxian as moments where Lan Wangji was just displaying worry for his wellbeing, a worry that Wei Wuxian was unable to validate due to circumstances outside of his own control. Once the war is over and Wei Wuxian is removed from the setting where he must act tough and untouchable for his own survival, they are able to have a peaceful, level-headed conversation acknowledging the root of Lan Wangjiâs worry and also Wei Wuxianâs acceptance of it even with his inability to change course in order to assuage it.
But the greatest thing about this relationship dynamic is not that it completely upends the story setup of âenemies to lovers,â but that it also shows that if nobody else understands them, wangxian understand each other. At no point in time did they ever think the other hated them, even if they fought or parted on bad terms during stressful situations. At no point have they ever truly misunderstood each otherânot their feelings or intentionsâexcept through outside instigation. They have always been on each otherâs side, and if thatâs not the most romantic shit youâve ever seen, idk what is!
#mdzs#human metas mxtx#jc spent so long tryna convince wwx that lwj hated him#and wwx basicallt said ânah you just donât know him like i doâ#AND HE WAS RIGHT!!!!!#the whole cultivation world turned against wwx#but lwj still remained a defender of wwxâs character#like stop playing with me!
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small collection of jb posing with/contributing to graffiti
#tag yourself im yeet the rich#julien baker#boygenius#this is so dumb lol but im bored#theres probably more there has to be lol#i spent so long looking for that pic of her hardstyling w avanthi infront of the sign that said 'how do you like your weiner?'#only for me to remember that thats not even graffiti lol
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HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!! <3
Wanted to draw a bunch of different pairings so here we go!! I wanted to draw them on how I imagine their dates with each other would go.
Fred and Shaggy started out on a walk but halfway through Fred saw a place they caught a bad guy once and started reminiscing on their good times spent together and who is Shaggy to complain, they definitely went to get food after it though.
Daphne and Fred went to a screening at the Coolsville local cinema where they were showing one of the first ever 3D movies. When the movie is over Fred spends the rest of their date talking about how impressive the improvements to 3D films have been since they were first invented. Daphne doesn't mind that much since she still gets to cuddle and they also probably went to get food after it where Daphne assigns their friends roles in the movie they just watched.
Shaggy and Daphne went to a football game where Shaggy gets to eat very many football game foods such as Hotdogs and whatever else they eat at football games. Daphne isn't even rooting for a team cause at first she wasn't sure about going but it hits halftime and she's caught up in the atmosphere and uses the celebration of any of the teams scoring as an excuse to kiss Shaggy.
Velma and Daphne are working on very important mystery solving and journalism career things on their laptops so they don't have time to go on a date date HOWEVER that will not stop them from flirting through messages as they work. Daphne sends Velma things like videos and songs that remind her of her and Velma can't flirt back so she just sends hearts like a disaster lesbian, good for her tbh.
#scooby doo#scooby doo fanart#my art#fraggy#fraphne#shaphne#vaphne#mystery incorporated#fred jones#shaggy rogers#daphne blake#velma dinkley#mystery polycule#I'm posting this a day early cause I have plans on wednesday#PLEASE IGNORE THE FACT THE LINEART LOOKS A BIT CRUNCHY BEFORE YOU CLICK ON THE IMAGES I CANT FIX IT#AND I SPENT TOO LONG ON THESE TO NOT POST THEM IM SO SAD#why would clip studio's ink brushes do this to me?!!? Really let me down in my time of need wtf#also I think you can tell I like drawing Shaggy the most I think#well actually i enjoy drawing them all#also I'm very attached to the concept of adrenaline junkie Daphne i'm so sorry#daphne is in three out of the four of these good for her#also 13 ghosts shaggy vibes because im nothing if not a 13 ghosts shaphne girlie#i actually dont even have a favourite scooby ship im fine with most of them tbh#and by fine I mean so very not normal about fraphne and shaphne specifically like you don't get it#and since i didn't include scooby i added silly little scooby details like shaggy's socks#and daphnes nail polish colour and her headphones logo#so normal about this franchise i swear
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albus "I hope I die first, because I can't live without you" potter
and
scorpius "I hope I die second, so I can save you from that grief" malfoy
#i spent a very long time debating which way around they would be#had me sweating#do you love someone so much you cannot live without them#or love them so much you hope they never have to live without you#personally am the first âđ» my fiance better fucking die after me i cannot be doing that#i know im fucking jinxing it rn#absolutely horrendous we cannot die at exactly the same time im suing#if we do die together in a car crash or smin just know that that is the best case scenario for us lmfao#jilys death is honestly the dream đ€đ»đ take us out together or dont take us out at all#i cannot imagine scorbus dying seperately im gonna be honest#imagine one of them at the others grave im going to throw up#absolutely not#headcanon that they die by fucking up a potion or even just dinner and setting their house on fire and dying of smoke inhalation together <#hashtag romance đđđđđđ#scorbus#hpcc#scorpius malfoy#albus potter#harry potter#its 6am i havent gone to sleep yet hope this is coherent đđ#harry potter and the cursed child#albus severus potter#scorpius hyperion malfoy
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What Dan and Phil Text Each Other 4 + Familect (article)
#dan and phil#amazingphil#daniel howell#danisnotonfire#phil lester#this idea has been cooking in my brain for literally MONTHS but this weekend was literally the first day off i've had since JANUARY#which is so cruel and unusual don't get me started but anyways#and also the first time they haven't dropped something unhinged that i felt compelled to run through photoshop#also it took forever because originally i was going to do all the WDAPTEOs so like i pulled clips from 2 3 and 4#and didn't end up using any of the ones i pulled from 2 and 3 so guess i just wasted some time there#so it didn't take me actually as long to put together the actual set but like i spent a solid 5 hours working on the general project#tbf though the videos are 20 minutes long so like an hour was just watching to get the time stamps#and i didnt want to miss one by putting it on higher playback speed bc some of them are really quick#well congrats if you made it this far in my fucking tags essay about this post#this is like a 'stick around after the episode for a look behind the scenes' segment#hexagifs
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Zenitsu agatsuma has got to be the biggest egg I have ever seen in my entire life
#demon slayer#kimetsu no yaiba#zenitsu agatsuma#nezuko kamado#thereâs genuinely no way bro doesnât have smth going on with his gender#nezukos bamboo necklace is chewlery btw hehe#I hope I was able to capture the expression of like#just genuine tender yearning#itâs something heâs always had the longing for but never quite understood where it came from#or even what it was#just a very empty hole in his body that he could only ever describe as self hatred and disgust even if he knew that wasnât quite right#I think when theyâre older nezuko would rlly help him like#get comfortable w the idea of actually exploring his identity#heâs spent so much of his life just truly and bitterly hating himself to the core#he couldnât stomach the idea of thinking about who he was beyond the surface level#I think nezuko would make him feel so much more okay with himself and help try to get him to a point of at the very least knowing who he is#itâs a very long road that zenitsu really honestly isnât sure if heâs comfortable with#but he canât help but at least try#if not for himself but for the ache of the child inside himself who has so desperately longed for comfort and love and belonging#he wants to know that child who was so brutally outcasted could eventually find a home#he wants to believe thereâs hope for himself#Zenko chan I love you so much#she is so important 2 meâŠ..#sorry transed your zenitsu. no yeah we canât undo it. yeah heâs a she now. sorry nothin I can do.
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Sometimes, you just gotta sit back and draw this a-holeâš
#oh no I GAVE HIM SIX FINGERS?!?!#AUGHHHH PLEASE IGNORE THAT :'))#I both hate him but absolutely love him at the same time lol#Like no#YOU DON'T JUST TRICK GONTA AND GET AWAY WITH IT#I MEAN GONTA!! BEST BOI LIL CINNAMON ROLL#WHO DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG WHATSOEVER#but like hes still funny and antagonistic so I guess he's my favourite hehe#currently finished chapter 5 by da way#AGHHH I LOVE THIS SERIES SO FRICKING MUCH-#kokichi ouma#drv3 kokichi#danganronpa killing harmony#ndrv3#killing harmony#danganronpa#art#rendering is actually pretty fun though#i don't know what possessed me to make this#also I SPENT AN EMBARRASSINGLY LONG TIME ON HIS HAIR AGHH#But I somehow managed to figure it out yass
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âi was an island.â
Bdubs as the six of spades for the life series card project hosted by @galaxygirl171 on twt :D I wanted to do something with his clock motifs and loyalties/alliances across the seasons and I had so much fun with it!
You can check out the project here! I loved gettin to work with so many talented folks, all the art made for this is absolutely incredible! â€ïž
Bonus card form + closeups as well <3
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#see if you can spot all the references!#rbs appreciated#i spent so long on this but it was so worth it#gkm arts#lafakiwi draws#life series#life series fanart#mcyt fanart#bdoubleo100 fanart#bdoubleo100#bdubs fanart#digital art#illustration#mcyt#mcytblr#trafficblr#third life#last life#last life smp#double life smp#limited life#secret life smp#wild life smp#the spades are all hidden in the clocks! there are about six of them i think xD#i had to include the clock closeups those probably took me the longest to do HAHA#yknow me. hidden memories
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The Quest Continues...
(part 1- part 2)
#Fourfold Soul#<- That's the title of the project I've been working on!#I am very excited to finally show off the cowboy (gender redacted) I've been cooking in a slow boil!!! Yeehaw!#Yes this is the game project. YES I am commited to the bit of having the main character go through a long running pronoun-quest.#This character does not have a name so I cannot formally tag them...#(Okay. Technically they have an internal name for coding/scripting reasons...and I have a nickname for them.#But the important part of making a video game character you get to eventually name is that the name must come from *you*!)#The girl here is a npc so she has a temporary name. So I also cannot tag her. Hmm...#I have several FFS comics thumbnailed out. This one got made first because it's the funniest without context. Lore wise it's weak.#I would love to post the sexy clown but you have to wait just a few more comics.#Fun artist woes moment to share: This is the first time I've had to colour these characters traditionally. *That* was NOT fun.#Going from a specific digital colour palette to being at the whims of my limited colour choices in markers? Hell! On! Earth!#I might also be extra frustrated because this sure is 3x the length of what I usually do for comics! I spent a Whole Day on this.#Past me thought it was soooo funny and needed all the extra panels for pacing. I hate past me. That guy needs to be exploded.
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being bad at video games is fun because it makes your character a uniquely stupid yet resilient and plucky sort of hero. an underdog no one would ever expect to win. so if you finally do it feels like slightly different and potentially funner version of the story. Itâs like look, this idiot FINALLY beat the big bad guy! it took them 900 tries but by Jove they did it! WOOOOOO! GO IDIOT!!! YOU DID IT, BUD đ âœá”á”á”âżá”á”á”ËĄËĄÊžâŸ
#mine#inspired by the almost 50 runs Iâve done in hades so far!#during which I have only made it to hades twice! and have not come anywhere close to beating him!#lol#also shout out to the time my sister and I spent like 45 mins building a really long bridge in totk#bc we were too dumb to figure out the puzzle and tried to get around it#at least in zelda games the NPCs donât know how many tries it took you to do anything#the entire house of hades knows what a loser my zagreus is lmao!#Thanatos will you still be my boyfriend if Iâm cringe and it took me like 10 tries to get past Theseus for the first time </3
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Transcript:
I'd like to congratulate you on getting your CPR certification.
Now remember, when youâre going in for compressions, it should sound like somebody is standing behind you with the worlds largest Dorito and cracking it open!
Go in firm and hard and snap as many ribs as you can on the way down, that means youâre doing it right.
You save that life. Good luck.
Or... Or... Or kill them, I donât fucking care.
Audio source
#ultrakill#gabriel ultrakill#congratulations this is misinformation and by listening to it you have actually gotten a bit dumber <3#you're welcome!#anyway. this is the first post using a new method for the filter. my second time completely redoing it lol#can anyone but me tell the difference? probably not! did i spend hours trying to figure it out? yes!#basically what i did was download an unedited audio from his patreon and compared it to the edited version (the srimp special if u care LOL#and did edits- then compared it to the edited version. over. and over. and over........ and over.......................#ANYWAY.#turns out i have been delaying too little#before i had done between .025 to .075 depending on the audio#its more around .1#i also downloaded reaper to add the bitcrush#so its about as close as i can get it without having the exact number that the filter is supposed to be delayed by#i could not for the life of me figure out why mine has less 'echo' but its close enough..#plus the audio from the streams is not the best quality and already has a slight filter on it anyway so like- theres only so much i can do#cough. so anyway i brought my laptop to work today and spent a long time figuring that out#paid to shitpost on company time~#also i have no idea if this is too loud or too quiet cause the audio levels on my laptop are weird#like anything over 10% volume is super loud#i was at 6% while editing but idk how that is going to translate over to other people uhhhhh idk let me know if its ok
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