#you spent so long doing this for me I-

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[tzarrz]

i listen to fog lake too much

[erinwantstowrite]

ok now is the time where i admit that alighterwood got into my head and now i have a batfam rewrite au plotline sitting in my outline drafts

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

The Quest Continues...

(part 1- part 2)

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

Transcript:

Machine.

Does my ass look fat in this armor?

Audio source

[mxtxfanatic]

The cutest but also funniest and most ironic thing about wangxian’s relationship in their first life is that from the outside looking in, it really does seem like they don’t like each other! But when they reflect on their memories of the other, it’s always sweet af.

Wei Wuxian spent the whole Cloud Recesses arc “pestering” Lan Wangji, while Lan Wangji would always blow up on him and reject his invitations to hang out. But when Wei Wuxian returns to Lotus Pier? He fantasizes about inviting Lan Wangji over to give him a tour of his home and show the other teen how he lives. On the other end, Lan Wangji has kept all of Wei Wuxian’s gifts—even skirting his clan rules to do so—and goes on a one-man quest to explore the foods that Wei Wuxian had told him about in casual conversation. Wei Wuxian had reoccurring dreams about running a somewhat isolated farm with Lan Wangji as his immediate neighbor. Lan Wangji, concurrently, was having rated R dreams about Wei Wuxian’s library punishments. When Wei Wuxian gets surprise-kissed on Phoenix Mountain, not only does Lan Wangji take it harder than he does when it happens, but Wei Wuxian is absolutely ecstatic to find out that it was actually Lan Wangji all along, which is also his reaction to discovering the teenage Lan Wangji’s wet dreams.

Even their infamous Sunshot Campaign “fights” are remembered by Wei Wuxian as moments where Lan Wangji was just displaying worry for his wellbeing, a worry that Wei Wuxian was unable to validate due to circumstances outside of his own control. Once the war is over and Wei Wuxian is removed from the setting where he must act tough and untouchable for his own survival, they are able to have a peaceful, level-headed conversation acknowledging the root of Lan Wangji’s worry and also Wei Wuxian’s acceptance of it even with his inability to change course in order to assuage it.

But the greatest thing about this relationship dynamic is not that it completely upends the story setup of “enemies to lovers,” but that it also shows that if nobody else understands them, wangxian understand each other. At no point in time did they ever think the other hated them, even if they fought or parted on bad terms during stressful situations. At no point have they ever truly misunderstood each other—not their feelings or intentions—except through outside instigation. They have always been on each other’s side, and if that’s not the most romantic shit you’ve ever seen, idk what is!

[emergingghost]

small collection of jb posing with/contributing to graffiti

[coolsvilleprincess]

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!! <3

Wanted to draw a bunch of different pairings so here we go!! I wanted to draw them on how I imagine their dates with each other would go.

Fred and Shaggy started out on a walk but halfway through Fred saw a place they caught a bad guy once and started reminiscing on their good times spent together and who is Shaggy to complain, they definitely went to get food after it though.

Daphne and Fred went to a screening at the Coolsville local cinema where they were showing one of the first ever 3D movies. When the movie is over Fred spends the rest of their date talking about how impressive the improvements to 3D films have been since they were first invented. Daphne doesn't mind that much since she still gets to cuddle and they also probably went to get food after it where Daphne assigns their friends roles in the movie they just watched.

Shaggy and Daphne went to a football game where Shaggy gets to eat very many football game foods such as Hotdogs and whatever else they eat at football games. Daphne isn't even rooting for a team cause at first she wasn't sure about going but it hits halftime and she's caught up in the atmosphere and uses the celebration of any of the teams scoring as an excuse to kiss Shaggy.

Velma and Daphne are working on very important mystery solving and journalism career things on their laptops so they don't have time to go on a date date HOWEVER that will not stop them from flirting through messages as they work. Daphne sends Velma things like videos and songs that remind her of her and Velma can't flirt back so she just sends hearts like a disaster lesbian, good for her tbh.

[scorpiusmalfoylovesoscarwilde]

albus "I hope I die first, because I can't live without you" potter

and

scorpius "I hope I die second, so I can save you from that grief" malfoy

[bestagons]

What Dan and Phil Text Each Other 4 + Familect (article)

[aeymii]

Sometimes, you just gotta sit back and draw this a-hole✨

[marimbles]

being bad at video games is fun because it makes your character a uniquely stupid yet resilient and plucky sort of hero. an underdog no one would ever expect to win. so if you finally do it feels like slightly different and potentially funner version of the story. It’s like look, this idiot FINALLY beat the big bad guy! it took them 900 tries but by Jove they did it! WOOOOOO! GO IDIOT!!! YOU DID IT, BUD 👏 ⁽ᵉᵛᵉⁿᵗᵘᵃˡˡʸ⁾

[coddda]

My heart on a silver platter, for even a glimpse of yours.

Lawlight Week Day 5: Cannibalism

Alt crop (because I'm really indecisive LOL)

[fish-with-more-eyes]

last-minute mermay doodle hehe

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I want you whipped into shape!

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

Transcript:

I'd like to congratulate you on getting your CPR certification.

Now remember, when you’re going in for compressions, it should sound like somebody is standing behind you with the worlds largest Dorito and cracking it open!

Go in firm and hard and snap as many ribs as you can on the way down, that means you’re doing it right.

You save that life. Good luck.

Or... Or... Or kill them, I don’t fucking care.

Audio source