#you really think the judges told her that???

[clockwayswrites]

City Pigeons Bleed Green - Part 24

masterpost

“We should make H— Jason spend some time in here,” Danny said. He was good with the rest of the name now, but he still struggled with with Jason. He was trying. “He could use the reason to relax.”

“I do not believe that Todd is capable of relaxing,” Damian said with a little frown and Danny was pretty sure meant Damian was uncertain, but other people tended to think that it meant Damian was judging them.

“Sure he can. He makes a great pillow too,” Danny said. He leaned over and bumped his shoulders against Damian’s. “Totally bet if you just just sat down and leaned against him, he wouldn’t do anything.”

“Tch.”

“Okay, sure, half of that would be because he’d be too shocked, but really. He’s secretly a cuddler but, like, in a totally different way than Dick. Jason is more like Cass is.”

Damian’s brows were knitted together, but he gave a considering little nod at that.

Danny was glad that Damian went through the door to the hall first. He wasn’t sure when it had happened, exactly, but being out of the apartment now felt wrong and bad and… scary. Danny knew that had delayed them taking him to the Manor and was making some of them anxious, but Danny just couldn’t… it was hard to shake, even if everywhere they went had been safe.

“How were the kittens, Dandelion?” Jason asked. He was leaning against one wall and Lacey stood next to him, looking at something on her phone.

“Pointy,” Danny said with a little smile, “and very cute.”

“We are going to go see the dogs now instead,” Damian said.

“Okay,” Lacey said with a smile. “Your brother and I were talking about what might work for you. I think we have a few options, but I actually have someone in mind for you to meet first of the bunch. She might not work at all but… I have a hunch.”

“As ludicrous as it sounds, Ms. Lacey’s hunches do often play out,” Damian said. “Which dog are we going to see?”

“You haven’t met her yet. She just came here from another shelter because the last one didn’t have the space for her. Before that she was out in the suburbs where she had been adopted, but she kept trying to herd all the other animals and children. They got her from a shelter where she had been surrendered by her owners because they moved to a new apartment that wouldn’t let a dog like her in.”

Danny frown grew as Lacey talked. “Oh, wow… she’s been through a lot of homes, hasn’t she?”

“She has, and it’s really not her fault. She’s only a year and a half old, so she’s still a bit of a puppy and will need training, but she’s a real sweetheart and I think she just needs the right person to love her back.” Lacey paused in front of a door and opened it to some sort of waiting room. “Now, she is a large dog, so I’ll keep her on a harness when I bring him in and you let me know when you’re comfortable for her to come close, okay?”

“Okay,” Danny agreed. He knew he had told Damian not small, but he was suddenly a little concerned by how large was large.

Jason must have been able to tell, because he led Danny over to the small couch to sit down with him while Damian scooted the chair he chose closer to Danny’s open side.

Very, was the answer to how large was large a few minutes later when Lacey brought in a huge dog. The bright red harness barely visible through the mass of black fur that seemed to stand straight out from the dog in a massive mane.

“Okay, come on girl, down,” Lacey said, drawing out the words.

When the large, deep black eyes turned to her, she pointed purposefully at the ground. The dog huffed and settled on the floor looking like some avant guard throw pillow. She snuffed curiously at the group and shuffled forward a few inches on her belly before peering up at Lacey to see if she was noticed.

“Stay. Like I said, still a puppy,” Lacey said fondly.

“What breeds do we suspect she is?” Damian asked.

“She’s definitely a large part chow,” Lacey answered. “She has the black mouth and everything. We’re guessing black lab maybe as some of the rest or some other sporting dog. From those breeds, and her behavior so far, she’s going to be loyal and protective. She will need to be exercised as specially at this age she’ll have a lot of energy, but I know you have the yard to let her run. Fetch or retrieval games will be great stimulation for her and walks can probably be kept pretty short, but I know that Damian could help you train her. Do you want to come over here and let her smell your hand? Or we could just let her settle in and wander the room.”

“I’ll, um…” Danny trailed off as he moved to sit down on the ground at Jason’s feet. He leaned forward and offered his hand, stretching out as far as he could.

The mass of fluff crept forward a few inches, then a few more, and the last few to where she was close enough to sniff at Danny’s hand. The curly tail started to wag before the dog gave Danny’s hand a lick.

A small smile lit up Danny’s face. “Oh, you’re just a big fluffy sweetheart, aren’t you?”

“She really is. She gives me the biggest puppy dog eyes every time someone passes her and doesn’t give her attention. She really wants nothing more than to be with people or other pets and part of a family,” Lacey said.

Danny watched the dog snuff at Danny’s hand before he decided that it was probably okay to move forward a little more so that he could pet the dog. His fingers sank into the thick black fur and the curly tail started to wag.

“She’s kinda like a big teddy bear,” Danny said, completely missing the look that Damian and Jason exchanged behind his back at that statement.

“Chows are like that.,” Lacey agreed. “They get a bad rep because they can be really protective of their owners, so if she’s the dog you go with, you will need to work on socializing her. Taking her to the dog park or things like that would be a good step.”

“It will help that there is such a large amount of family and acquaintances coming and going from the manor,” Damian added. “But if she is the dog that will be yours, we can easily set up a plan for socialization.”

“I, um, I’ve never adopted a pet before. How do I know if she’s the right one?” Danny asked.

“Seeing if you get a long is a good start. With a big dog like her, I think you should walk him a little and play some. We can try some tricks too and see how she listens to you,” Lacey said. “We have a two week trial window where if you think she’s the right dog, she’ll go home with you and you can see how it all works out. If it doesn’t, she comes back here no issues.”

Danny took in a calming breath and let it out. “Okay, let’s see how it goes.”

The dog was a lot. There was no doubt about that what with her size, but she did seem very eager to listen. She apparently walked very well with Danny, even if that was almost sandwiched up against Danny’s side between him and the road. It reminded him of how Jason always walked, as if guarding Danny from the world.

There back at the shelter now. Danny buried his fingers in the dog’s thick fur, ruffling it idly.

“What do you guys think?” he asked his brothers.

“I think that she will be a loyal dog for you,” Damian said, “and that training her may also be beneficial for you.”

“That,” Jason said, “and that she likes you already just like you like her already. I think the only real question is what’s her name going to be?”

Danny looked down at the almost bottomless seeming brown eyes that were staring adoringly back up at him. “Ursa. Her name’s Ursa.”

-

Ursa took to the Manor immediately— or at least took next to being by Danny’s side in the manor. His bed seemed much smaller with her laying next to him, but he had a feeling it he woke up that night with a nightmare that it wouldn’t last long.

His fingers tightened in her mane as he took a breath and hit send on the text message to Babs.

Her name is Jasmine Fenton.

[emanonyourstruly]

Politics, Love, and Uneasiness

So elections happened and I am uncomfortable. Donald Trump is president and I, like many others, hate him. He is a sexist, racist, classist maniac. Politics is important to me. I know people say there is no right and wrong and everyone has a right to their opinion but I'm sorry, so many people are wrong. Twisted.

What is right is that people should be equal and there should be separation of religion and government which republicans have a hard time understanding. Gay people aren't hurting anyone. Immigrants aren't hurting anyone. Muslim people aren't hurting anyone. Black people aren't hurting anyone. Women should be able to choose whether or not they want to keep an already dead baby in them or not.

My girlfriend- who is not really my girlfriend but my ex but we still love each other bla bla don't judge me- didn't vote. To some degree, I feel responsible. I joked that what was I gonna do, force her? I already tried to stop her from being friends with a guy, who sold his ex's nudes without her permission, but she looked so lonely and pathetic and she went back to being friends with him anyway so I stopped trying to force my mindset on her. She told me I should have educated her and pushed her to vote. I told her that maybe I should have, but it was also not my responsibility. If she didn't vote that was her own choice. Maybe she didn't think that it was her problem. She is a rich Asian Christian girl anyway. She never had to work for anything in her life. I'm taking my disappointment and frustration out on her but can you blame me? I'm a poor brown Muslim girl.

And like I said, I am a poor brown Muslim girl. What will happen to me and my family in the future? I rely on a government grant to get through college and I was hoping my brother could go to college with the same grant. College is so insanely expensive it is UNFAIR. no one can defend the prices of colleges. Anyway,

Can someone tell me I'm not crazy for being upset with her when she keeps defending Trump and her dad for voting for Trump? How are you gay and not mad? That just wreaks of privilege. I bet her dad is happy as hell that he'll be getting a tax cut. I am so over this. governments are corrupt. What did I really expect?

I just have a big fear of the world ending and goddd pleaseeee someone tell me that we'll be ok. poor folk. people of color. tell me we will be ok.

This is my journal entry for now thanks for reading if anyone even is.

I'm out :3 with love!

[ravi-is-my-beloved]

My 8x06 Thoughts

This won't be a summary, because I just have a lot of feelings of this episode. Even now I'm still kinda laughing.

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT!

I want to start with Eddie, because I had been so excited for his storyline this episode.

The confession with Eddie and Father Brian (we finally got his name) was still so heartbreaking to watch, even though the sneak peek we had gotten yesterday had showed us most of that scene. Eddie saying "That's it?" when Father Brian gave the amount of Hail Marys and such that he had to do... Oh that hurt. Him basically running out of the confessional booth because he doesn't think he deserves forgiveness also hurt.

I do think it's funny that Father Brian and Eddie managed to bump into each other at the juice bar and that Father Brian was like "I'm going to ignore the fact that confession is supposed to be anonymous and confidential."

But anyways, Father Brian's correct assumptions that Eddie's mustache is a disguise and that Eddie is still punishing him were good. I really like his speech about how God has forgiven Eddie. And I love that he still let Eddie set his pace, to deal with his own feelings of needing to be punished while also telling Eddie that he can't punish himself forever. Eddie eventually has to forgive himself and let himself be happy.

And while we didn't see Eddie doing what he had been told by Father Brian to do to atone for his sins, we did see the aftermath. We saw Eddie shave off the mustache (though I do think it's weird that he did it with no shaving cream) and then we see Eddie in just a shirt (same color shirt as the shirt he wore to the bachelor party in the previous season) and his underwear.

The song of choice that they used during the scene where he's just having a dance fest was so funny, but I don't think I could tell you why it's funny because it's something that you just have to know why it's funny. Anyways, I loved seeing Eddie so care-free after he spent so long punishing himself was honestly so good, I was vining with it.

Now, onto the Madney of it all.

Maddie saying "Maybe we should give Jee a sister or brother" during dinner and being so casual about it, was lowkey funny. Of course Chimney had his reservations, because of Maddie's postpartum depression after she had Jee. They both had good arguments and I'm glad Chimney realized that it shouldn't stop them from trying again.

And turns out, Maddie is already pregnant!! I'm so excited for them!

Maddie really hit the nail on the head when she said that they shouldn't go into this pregnancy thinking Maddie is just a bomb waiting to go off of. Because that can have negative effects on the environment they're raising the baby in and it's just not good for anyone, least of all Maddie.

I saved Buck's storyline for the last because God, the reason for his spiraling made me cackle.

His and Tommy's six month anniversary dinner being ruined (in only Buck's eyes) by Tommy saying that he almost married Abby was funny only because I couldn't believe everyone who said that not only Tommy would have a past with marriage (or an almost marriage) but also that the writers would have Tommy by Abby's Tommy. I just had to laugh at that, couldn't help it.

Buck's conversation with Josh and Maddie was nice. I did like how Josh said there was obviously a difference between Tommy's experience as a gay man and Buck's experience as a bisexual man, since they realized their sexual awakenings at different times when the acceptance of LGBT+ people was different.

I did disagree a little bit about Josh saying that you can't judge Tommy for what he did in the past while still hiding himself, but whatever.

(Side note: I loved the reappearance of the running joke of Buck not knowing pop culture in the form of Buck having never seen Glee.)

The loft scene where Buck reveals to Tommy that he was the "Himbo" who dated Abby after Tommy broke up with her was a whirlwind.

Like they went from Tommy learning that they shared exes, to Buck telling him to move in. Which I also had to laugh at, because it reminded me of the original BT. Like Buck just was going to rush into moving in with Tommy.

And then Tommy is breaking up with Buck in the most vague way where Tommy goes to leave and Buck has to ask if they just broke up. That's so wild to me, it was the vague breakup.

The last thing that happened, right after Eddie's little dance, was Buck going to Eddie (after the breakup) and the episode ends with them sitting on the couch and drinking. Like I just love that the first person Buck thought of to go for comfort was Eddie and the way Eddie not only didn't bother to put on pants, but he also didn't need Buck to tell him what happened.

Overall, I liked the episode. It was a better episode than I was expecting, because I had gone with lowered expectations. I can't wait to see what happens next for the firefam.

[lovegalor333]

fresh start

part seven (chapter 19-21) previous part • next part

word count: 5.3k

content warnings: none!

Lily

"You can stay here for as long as you like. You know that right?" My best friend Emma says to me as we're sat side by side on her rooftop.

Going back to my parents felt like too much so I came to Emma's instead.

I'm clutching my knees close to my chest with my chin rested on them, "Thanks Em, I missed you." I say turning to look at her.

"I missed you, too. It's great to see you, I just wish the circumstances were better. I thought Connecticut was treating you good." She says sadly. I didn't tell Emma exactly what happened, just that I needed a break from college.

"Oh it is. Things have been really good." I think back to my first few months at UConn and can't help but smile but that smile quickly fades when I remember why I'm back in my home town. "I- I had an argument with Paige." I say truthfully.

"What? What did you argue about? Must have been bad for you to come running back here." Emma half laughs, looking out in front of her where our neighbourhood expanded out, eventually blending into the night's sky.

"Her ex showed up to her birthday party and kinda made a scene in front of everyone, begging for Paiges forgiveness. Paige just laughed her off though so I tried not to other think it."

"Right..." Emma says urging me to continue.

"Then she acted really weird with me the next day and basically asked me to leave her place and then like half an hour later I get a voicenote from her, saying this," I open up my phone and have to scroll past Paiges endless messages asking where I am, if I'm OK, telling me that she loves me and she's sorry before I get to the voicenote and press play.

I grimace at the words as Paiges voice plays out.

"Hold up. Replay that." Emma says clearly shocked at what she heard.

"Do I have to?" I frown, not wanting to hear the messaged I'd played hundreds of times already, again.

"No, sorry. I heard it loud and clear. I'm just shocked. I'm guessing that was a mistake?" I nod. "What did she have to say for herself?"

I relay everything to Emma, exactly the way it happened, not missing a single thing.

"Lily, I love you and I agree that Paige should have been honest from the beginning but I don't think this means she loves you any less or wants to get back with her ex. I think it just means she was a little bit stupid and probably panicked." My best friend rationalises.

"I know, but I panicked too. Paige is an amazing person with so many great qualities, I already feel like I'm not enough for her."

"OK, absolutely not. We're not going back there Lily. You need to remember who are, who you've always been. Before everything happened at the beginning of this year, Lily Kent would have never doubted herself. And I saw that Lily Kent coming back, so you better not lose her again. Paige is lucky to have you." Emma says looking directly at me, her hand resting comfortingly on my arm.

"And she's never made me doubt that." In the time I've known Paige, she's never once made me feel like she doesn't love and care about me deeply. She tells me how beautiful I am multiple times a day. She goes out of her way to make me feel comfortable in situations where I would usually feel uncomfortable. Shes never judged me about anything I've told her, shes actually been perfect.

I know her apologies were genuine and I won't hold anything against her, I just got scared and when I get scared, I run.

Paige

"She's not here Paige." Kelsey says with one hand on her hip, the other on the front door.

"Don't lie to me Kelsey. I know she doesn't want to see me but I just want to give her these." I say holding out a bouquet of flowers similar to the ones I bought her on our first date.

"I'm not lying, Paige. Did you see her car downstairs?" Kelsey asks raising her brow and when I think about it, no. No, I didn't see her car.

"Well, where is she? It's almost midnight!" I say checking the time on my phone. 23:47.

"I don't know if she wants me to tell you." Kelsey says and I just glare at her, "Kelsey, come on."

"Fine. She went home, left a few hours ago."

"Home? Home to Boston?" I ask confused.

"Yes Paige, home to Boston." My heart sinks because I know I'm the reason Lily felt like she had to get away. And my heart sinks further knowing she has gone back to a place that has so many bad memories for her.

"How long is she staying there for?" I ask, now standing awkwardly with the flowers in my hand, feeling like I could cry at any given moment.

"She didn't say. I'm sorry, Paige."

I shake my head, "It's my fault. Here, just take these." I hand Kelsey the flowers intended for Lily and turn and leave.

I debate getting in my car and driving to Boston and knocking on every door, on every street until I find Lily. But that's an impossible task. All I know is I don't want to go home, especially knowing Lily won't be there either.

So I go to what I know best. Basketball.

The court is in complete darkness when I enter. I flick on the lights one by one and they make a faint buzzing noise as they do.

Basketball has been the one constant in my life, the only time I didn't have it was when I was injured and that was the worst thing I've ever experienced. Not being able to do the thing you love most in life, the thing you're good at, the thing that makes you, you. I felt useless. I'm not sure how I got through it actually. Having basketball to come back to is what keeps me sane.

As I dribble the ball down the court and take shots from different points, I can't help but think about the times Lily and I have been on this court together. I shoot the ball from the three point line, usually an easy basket, one I could make in my sleep, but I miss.

I let out a frustrated groan and a few choice words. I'm pissed and basketball isn't even helping.

Eventually I leave the court and head home. Everyones alseep by the time I get back and I'm thankful I don't have to interact with anyone.

I try calling Lily one last time, but like all the others, it goes straight to her answering machine.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

Lily

Waking up next to Emma, in Boston felt foreign when I'd gotten so used to waking up next to Paige, in Connecticut. Even though my best friend was right next to me - I could practically feel her breath on my skin - I still felt alone. I missed Paige.

I had called in sick to my classes because it was now Monday morning and there was no way that'd I'd make it back to campus in time for my first lecture.

I reached over to the bedside table to check my phone, careful not to make Emma in the process. I had left my phone turned off for the past twelve hours so multiple notifications pinged through as I turned it on. Most of them were from Paige but I had a few from my friends too. Kayla was checking in to see if I was OK and Kelsey had sent me a picture.

I click on my roommates name and expand the message, the picture attached was one of a huge bouquet of pink and white flowers. They were beautiful. Kelseys message read from paige. Of course they were from Paige. I don't know why I expected anything less.

Messages from Paige had stopped being pleas of forgiveness and were now of concern about if I was OK and why I had gone home and when I was coming back. I couldn't form coherent sentences until I had some caffeine in my system.

Emma stirred beside before stretching her arms up and opening her eyes, "Coffee." Was the first word out of her mouth and I laughed, we were so similar.

My best friend and I quickly got ready before getting in the car and heading to the nearest Dunkin Donuts. I drove and can confidently say, I have not missed the Boston traffic.

"The flowers are really pretty." Emma says once we both have drinks in our hands and have taken a sip, "What are you going to do?" She asks.

"Well, I have to get back to campus either way. I'm working tomorrow and I really don't want to miss anymore classes." I say.

Emma dramatically wipes away fake tears, "So you're leaving me again." She says in faux sobs.

I nod, "Unfortunately, I'll head back to Connecticut after this." I say referring to our coffee date. "I need to speak to Paige too, obviously. I just don't know how or what I'm even going to say."

"You'll find the right words Lily, you always do." Emma encourages and I smile at her, "Thanks, Em."

I decide to finally text Paige back once we'd finished our coffees. I send a simple text, wanting to speak more in depth in person.

please answer my calls lily and we can talk about this

im coming over

where are you?

is it true you went home?

when are you coming back?

i hope you're ok, i miss you and i love you and im sorry

im ok, im coming back today

we should talk

I didn't expect Paige to reply because I thought she'd be in class but her response was almost immediate.

hi

yes definitely, let me know when you're back in ct

drive safe please, i love you

i will

i love you

"You guys will figure this out, don't stress it. Just be honest with Paige and ask her to be honest with you." Emma gives me some final words of encouragement as I put my bag in my trunk and prepare to drive back to Connecticut.

"I'll let you know how it goes." I say as I hug my best friend tightly.

"I love you Lily, drive safe." She says as I get into the drivers seat.

"I love you more, thank you for everything." I reply and wave as I back out of the driveway and begin the two and a half hour drive.

Paige

The day was going agonisingly slow and as I sat in the cafeteria with my teammates, I could feel myself falling asleep. I had barely slept last night and had an early class I needed to be up for and of course afternoon training which started at 12.

Lily had finally responded to my messages and told me she was coming home today and that we could speak but I didn't know what time that would be. I told her to let me know once she was back and I keep checking my phone, so much so Azzi tells me to stop.

"Paige, your notifications are on. You'll hear a text coming through." She says taking my phone out of my hand and placing it on the table.

"I'm just nervous." I admit, "I thought she'd never talk to me again."

Azzi laughs then quickly stops when she sees my deadpan facial expression, "Sorry," she apologises quickly, "but that even sounded ridiculous. She loves you Paige. I know that, you know that, everyone knows that. She probably just needed space, you kinda fucked up."

"Yeah, can everyone stop reminding me. I know I fucked up and I'm trying to fix it."

"You'll fix it, P. Well, you better because I really like Lily and things might be awkward when she comes round to see me and you're there." She jokes.

"OK, don't even say things like that. I'm going to fix it." I say adamantly.

"I believe in you." My best friend hypes me up with a pat on the shoulder, "Come on, let's get to training." She says. We gather our belongings and I check my phone one last time before heading to the gym.

Hearing from Lily this morning and knowing I was going to be seeing her at some point today and talking must have cleared my mind of any anxieties because everything on the court was flowing perfectly. Every shot I took was going in, every screen I set was executed the way I intended it to be and every block I attempted succeeded.

"Nice work, P!" Ash praises from the other end of the court, I raise my hand in thanks.

"Paige blockers in full effect, huh?" Nika laughs nudging into me.

"Not just a bucket." I jokingly shrug.

The rest of the session goes just as it started and Genos team talk is filled with confidence about the start of the season.

"Now go and get cleaned up, y'all stink." Coach jokes and we disperse from our huddle to go and shower.

"I think Paige said dinner was on her?" Aubrey says as she drapes her arm over my shoulder.

"Ha! You wish." I say as the majority of the team begin to leave the changing rooms.

"She's got some serious grovelling to do." Ice reminds me.

"I do. I'm not sure if Lily's back yet though, I'll text her." I say pulling out my phone as we walk back onto the court to exit the gym.

"No need." Aubrey says into my ear and I flick my head up quickly and I see why.

Lily is sat on one of the far benches. Her hair is tied on top of her head in a messy bun and she's wearing a black sweater and matching joggers. She has a bag flung over her shoulder and she's looking down, focusing on her hands in her lap.

"Good luck." Aubrey says and she pats me on the back before her and the rest of the team make a swift exit, saying hi and waving to Lily as they pass her.

As I get closer to Lily I notice how tired she looks. She has faint dark circles around her eyes and her eyelids hang lower than usual.

"You look tired." I say before I can stop myself but Lily just smiles, "Thanks." She says sarcastically.

"Sorry, I mean hi. I missed you." I say now stood directly in front of Lily.

"I was only gone a day." She says looking up at me slightly, giving me a clear view of her soft features.

"I still missed you." I say not able to stop my hand from cupping her cheek.

"We should talk." She says moving her face from my hand and the nerves that had dispersed whilst I was on the court, return again. 'We should talk' is such an ominous expression and knowing I'm in the wrong here, I'm not sure how this is going to go.

"Here?" I ask looking around the court, it was empty apart from us but I'm not sure if anyone else is scheduled in.

"Here's fine." Lily confirms so I sit next to her leaving a decent sized gap between us to avoid her shuffling down if I sat too close.

"I'm sorry." I say and takes me a few seconds to realise I didn't just hear my own voice but Lily's too.

"You're sorry? For what?" I ask confused, turning my head to look at her.

"For not listening. For running home instead of staying here and sorting this out." Lily explains.

"It's OK Lily, I understand why you did that. I acted so stupid. I really am sorry. And I need you to believe me when I say I never kissed Marianna. I should have been honest from the moment she messaged me but I freaked out thinking you'd be mad and then I just made it worse."

"And then I freaked out when I heard everything out of context and I thought you wanted to be with her again. Do you want to be with her again?" Lily asks, eyes glossing over as they focus on mine.

"Oh my god Lily, no. Not at all. I want to be with you and only you." I say sliding along the bench, closing the gap between us so our hips and thighs are touching and I reach out for Lilys hand and she lets me take it. "It's only you, pretty girl." I press a kiss to her hand locked in mine.

"Can we make a promise to always be honest with each other about things that happen and how we feel?" Lily asks looking at me.

I nod my head, "Yes. I promise to always be honest with you."

"Me too." She says and I brush a few wispy flyaways out of her face and my hand rests on her jaw, "And promise to never leave me again." I say as I lean closer to Lily. "I promise to never leave you again." She says and our foreheads are resting on each others, "I love you so mu-" "I love you too but please shut up and kiss me."

I do as Lily says and press my lips to hers and she kisses me with an urgency and need that ignites something inside of me. One of my hands is on her neck, the other is trailing up her thigh and onto her hip, I missed having her at the tips of my fingers. Lilys hand clutches onto the fabric of my hoodie and she moans into the kiss. Fuck.

"Why'd you stop?" Lily pouts as I pull away, breaking the kiss.

"I was almost forgetting where we were. Let's go back to mine." I say standing up offering my hand for her to take.

"Is everyone out?" She asks and her eyes are round and hooded and she just blinks, slowly at me.

I nod my head, "Stop giving me those eyes or we won't even make it to the car." I warn as she slips her hand into mine and we speed walk out of the gym.

"Is that a threat Paige Bueckers?" She says lowly, leaning her body into mine.

"Yes. So just be a good girl." I say as we reach my car and I open the passenger door for Lily to get in, "I'll try my best." She says with that same soft, innocent look on her face and I have to bite my lip.

"Just get in the car Lily. You're driving me crazy."

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

Lily

"I kinda wish you were just coming to watch and didn't have to work." Paige says to me as she packs her bag in preparation for todays game.

UConn were playing Dayton in their season opener in the XL Centre. Marcus and I were going to be courtside during warmups and the match to capture content and then in the media room post match to conduct interviews.

"Me too, but I'm excited for my first ever basketball game." I grin from my place on Paiges bed.

Things had been good, in fact great with Paige since Marianna Gate. We were able talk it out and move on and things were back to normal in no time.

"Your first taste of WAG life." She smirks zipping up her full backpack and walking over to me.

"Uh huh," I nod reaching out for Paige as she stood at the foot of her bed, I place my hand on her hip, looking up at her, "You might even get a pre-match kiss."

"Oh really? What about post-match?" She asks cheekily, raising her brows.

"You have to work for that one." I remark smirking up as Paige towered over me.

"And how about now?" She asks reaching for my hands and pulling me up so I'm standing in front of her.

"Hmm," I ponder exaggeratedly, pretending I was thinking about it, "maybe just a quick one."

"Oh I can be quick." Paige says as she dips her head down bringing her lips to mine, pushing them together hungrily that I almost topple back onto her bed.

I smile almost breaking the kiss but quickly regain focus not wanting this moment to end. My hands trail up Paiges shirt coming into contact with her soft skin and I feel her growl lowly against my mouth. Her hands mirror mine and find their way up my shirt. Her touch is like fire on my bare stomach as they move up towards my chest and I gasp as they delicately slip into my bralette.

"PAIGE! We need to leave...like yesterday!" Azzi's voice calls out and we're both abruptly brought back to earth.

"If that was quick, I'd love to know what it's like when you take your time." I say to Paige as I readjust my clothing and she does the same.

"Stay over tonight and you'll find out." She says slinging her bag over her shoulder and leaving me flustered and red cheeked in her bedroom.

"I feel like we're at high risk of getting a ball to the face." I say to Marcus as we settle into our front row seats.

"It's never happened before so if it does I'm blaming you." He jokes, pulling out his notebook and pen and scribbling down some words.

I take my work phone out of my bag and immediately open up the camera snapping photos of the venue and the girls warming up.

I had been given the uconnwbb Instagram login for todays game and my job was to post exclusive behind the scenes content as it happened. I posted the first few stories then stood up to capture another angle.

Both teams were on the court warming up but my focus was on UConn, of course. I recorded as Aaliyah and Jana each in turn took shots at the basket, to no surprise they were all going in.

"Lily! Record me!" KK called out over the ruckus of bouncing balls and squeaking shoes. I aimed the phone at her, focusing the camera and dragging down on the screen to reduce the exposure. KKs eyes stayed on the camera lens and she took a no-look half court shot but it fell a few inches short, missing the basket and bouncing to the ground.

"Delete that!" She says running over to me and I laugh holding my phone close to my chest, "That's one for the archives." I say while KK just glares at me.

"Watch and learn." Paige gets our attention as she dribbles the ball to the centre of the court. She stands in the exact position KK just was, her eyes focused on us, body turned away from the basket.

I hold my phone still and steady, Paige in the centre of the screen and she sends me a quick wink before launching the ball out of her hands. I watch in awe as the basketball hurls through the air and eventually finds the basket.

Paige and KK absolutely lose it and run laps around the court screaming. "Tell me you got that?" Paige says stopping in front of me. "Yep!" I grin, turning the phone around so she can see what I just captured.

Geno called the team together for a quick team talk before the girls had to go and get changed into their match gear. I snapped a quick photo of them all huddled together and went to sit back by Marcus.

"You're close with the team." Marcus says glancing up from his laptop to look at me.

"You could say that, yeah." I respond feeling slightly awkward.

All of our close friends know that Paige and I are together but other than that we've kept things pretty private.

"Do you see them much outside of work?" Marcus presses and I nod my head in response, "Yeah, we hang out sometimes."

"Maybe you could put in a good word for me?" Heat immediately rises in my body as he says those words.

"Sure. With who?" I ask keeping my focus on the phone in my hands.

"Paige. She's cute right?" He asks and suddenly I can't speak.

"Um- I- I'm-" I struggle to speak with a mix off awkwardness and jealousy having taken over.

"Come on, you can't deny she's hot." Marcus continues and I can't take it. My skin prickles at the way someone else is talking about my girlfriend.

"Marcus, I-" I stand up from my seat not knowing what to say or do next.

"Lily, sit down. I'm kidding. Whatever you have going on is obvious, I just wanted to see if you'd say anything." Marcus laughs and I instantly relax and sit back down.

"Not funny Marcus." I say nudging him in the arm.

"I won't say anything, secrets safe with me." He says and acts out zipping his lips.

"It's not exactly a secret." I say turning my attention to Marcus.

"But you don't want people to know?"

"We don't want the internet to know...for obvious reasons." I tell him honestly.

"I get that." He says understandingly.

My phone buzzed in my pocket telling me I had a new notification. I pulled it out, it was a text from Paige.

I think I remember being promised a pre match kiss

come to the changing rooms

am i allowed?

just come, we'll be quick

I locked my phone and slipped it back into my pocket, "I'll be back." I say to Marcus before getting up out of my seat next to him and navigating my way to the changing rooms.

Obviously, I'd never been in this venue before so it truly was the blind leading the blind when it came to finding Paige. I was about to text her saying I'm lost when I turned a corner and at the end of the hall I saw my girlfriend, clad in her match day kit.

She had her back turned to me slightly, her long blonde ponytail hanging down her back, stopping just before the BUECKERS, covering her number but I didn't need to see it to know it was a 5.

"Looking good Bueckers." I say getting Paiges attention and she turns her body to me, her signature smile plastered on her face.

"Hi pretty girl," She greets me with her usual pet name that never fails to give me butterflies, "What do you think?" She asks smoothing down her jersey.

"You look great, P." I say closing the gap between us, my hand resting on her chest, "So hot." I say glancing up slightly because of our hight difference.

Paiges cheesy grin softened into a flirty smirk as she brought her face close to mine pressing our lips together. As always Paige kissed me with passion and urgency that made my skin feel like it was on fire. The kiss was short but sweet and as we pulled away I wanted nothing more than to lean back in.

"Good luck out there. I love you." I wish Paige good luck as she pulls me into a quick hug, her face nuzzling into my neck, "I love you. See you out there."

Watching Paige dominate on the court and lead her team to victory made me happier than ever. I've watched Paige train and practice and scrimmage so many times over the past few months but she had a different energy in the game today and it was radiating off her even once the game had ended.

The girls begin to disperse after shaking hands with the opposing team and congratulating each other. My eyes don't leave Paige and I flash her a small smile and show a thumbs up when she looks in my direction. The stadium is still bustling with fans and I can only assume the cameras are still rolling so I'm shocked when Paige jogs over to me and wraps me in a hug.

"Hey superstar." I beam once she's let me go. "You did great!"

"Thank you, Lils. I'm so glad you were here." She says and fiddles with the chain around my neck, fixing the pendant placement.

"Paige, people can see us you know." I remind her, feeling like everyones eyes were on us.

"I don't care if you don't." She says both her hands now resting on her hips, "Do you care?"

I think back to my initial doubts about our relationship being public. The pressure from outside felt like too much but loving Paige and being loved by Paige doesn't deserve to be hidden, it deserves to be shouted from the rooftops.

"I don't care." I reassure her and the smile that spreads across her face is enough to reinforce that.

After another quick hug, Paige goes over to the fans that have been screaming her name since the second she stepped on the court and Marcus and I make our way to the media room to prepare for post match interviews.

Paige

"Y'all are like viral, do you realise that?" KK says to Lily and me. She's scrolling through TikTok turning her phone around periodically to show us pictures and videos of our post game interactions.

"Paige has been viral." Nika says, "My whole For You Page is more of a For You Paige."

"I think that says more about you Nika." Aubrey laughs and we all join in.

"Lily deserves to be viral. I want the whole world to know how beautiful my girl is." I say pressing a kiss to Lilys head. We're sat on my bed with our backs against the wall, Lily is slouched into me comfortably and she's wearing my clothes because she's staying tonight.

"Cringe!" KK fake gags and rolls her eyes earning a pillow throw from Lily.

"Need I remind you, you're in my bedroom, clowning me for loving on my girl." I defend my PDA.

"Now everyone knows, you're going to be insufferable aren't you?" KK asks with a huff.

"Damn right. Now get leave so we can make out in peace."

"Don't need to tell us twice." Nika says standing up from the chair at my desk, grabbing onto KK and Aubrey dragging them out of my room.

"Goodnight mom and mom." KK calls out before closing the door leaving Lily and me alone.

"You love making them uncomfortable, don't you?" Lily laughs.

"I love loving you. Is that so bad?"

She shakes her head, "The complete opposite." She says planting a kiss to my lips.

"I'll do anything to protect you Lily. If this gets too much just tell me and I'll deal with it." I tell my girlfriend.

I know what the internet is like and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about Lily and how she'd handle the reaction. I love the way the game has grown and how we're starting to get the recognition we deserve but it comes with a white hot spotlight and people think they know you, own you and I won't let Lily be dragged into that.

We spend the rest of the night in my bedroom, laying in each other's arms, talking and laughing, just enjoying each others company and making out of course.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

[saturnzoned]

i don't want you in my mind.

When we met Lisbon and Jane in season 1, we’re not exactly sure of the dynamic or how long this group has been working together. We know Grace is new, and seemingly, this is her first case. At this point in the early series, we don’t know the characters or what they’ll become over the first season leading into the second. ALL THIS TO SAY: this post is focusing on the shift in the Jane-Lisbon partnership over through the first season to early second second (through 2.03 Red Badge).

One moment I want to gleam on before going into this: Jane ‘reading’ Lisbon’s mind in episode 9, Flame Red. It’s a cute moment when Jane says Lisbon is glad he can’t actually read minds. It leads to this exchange.

Ending with Lisbon saying ‘Never you mind’, I think it’s a great little shot into how, at this point, she doesn’t want him in her head. 

I want to start by examining episode 10, Red Brick and Ivy. This is, as far as I know, the first mention of Jane being forcefully admitted to a psychiatric hospital. What’s neat about this storytelling is not only are we, the audience, first learning of this, but Lisbon herself is told by Jane for the first time. It’s something that’s not in his file. In a, I would say, faithful, maybe trusting moment, Jane lets someone know something about him. He’s guarded at this point - we basically just know his background with family and Red John, nothing really about the man. At this moment, Lisbon doesn’t judge him or ask why she didn’t know this. She simply says thank you for telling me. We see Lisbon’s face and how it studies Jane in a wonderfully acted moment. She’s grateful that he’s opened himself up a bit to her. This leads to building a more trusting relationship.

In episode 17, Carnelian Inc., we get a great moment, and probably, the moment that shifts their relationship (at least to this point). In conversation with each other, Lisbon admits she doesn’t really trust Jane and says he doesn’t trust her either. Jane is a little hurt by her accusation (in his Jane way). To remedy the situation, he suggests a trust fall. Lisbon eventually agrees to it - it’s another nicely acted moment. For me, it’s humorous to see Jane almost let Lisbon fall back completely before actually catching her. 

NOW onto the season 1 finale aka the first real sense of trust we see in their relationship. Honestly this is where I think I really fell in love with them as partners. I loved the dynamic before but this episode shines on them and it rubs off. Near the end of the episode, we see them having an argument about what to do with the information they have on Red John:

This might be obvious to longtime fans, but I didn’t know it was a plan or set-up until the end of the episode where she comes in to save him and the woman being held from Red John’s accomplice. We know Lisbon as the lawful, by the book type of detective. For her to go along with Jane's plan (loose wire), the trust she has in him for it to work must be significant. It’s a plan I don’t think she goes along with in the beginning of the season. The outcome here leads directly into season 2 (which we’ll see in a minute)

There’s also a moment after the Red John accomplice is caught where Lisbon and Jane have a conversation. He’s so wrapped up in this case that nothing else matters. He needs revenge for what was done to his family and, really, what was done to him having to live with the aftermath. It seems he’d die for Red John to be caught. At least we have the accomplice, Lisbon says. He’ll say what we need to know. She also doesn’t believe him: I think you choose life, she says. And she’s correct - we see it in the interactions he has with others (also the very end with him and the orange tree). It’s proven true just minutes later when Lisbon has a gun pulled on her by the accomplice - Jane comes forward with a shotgun and kills the man. The man who has the knowledge of Red John. All this to save his friend’s life because that’s what he chooses: Life!

We’re onto season 2 now - I mainly want to focus on a few moments before getting to episode 3, Red Badge. In the first one, we meet Lisbon’s old colleague Bosco. He’s been chosen to take over the Red John. We see this great exchange:

She does “go easy” on him and not just because he saved her life but because she trusts him now.

AND what could be clouding her judgment huh? The need to help her friend solve this case that consumes him? Because their relationship has changed over the season? He’s not just the consultant anymore. He’s her (and really the team’s) friend. 

In this next one, the roles from the season 1 finale are switched. Jane’s the one in trouble - Lisbon is too slow to her gun for the perpetrator so she can’t save Jane the way he saved her. Eventually this dude dies, and they use his corpse to get a confession. THIS WOULDN’T HAPPEN IN SEASON 1. I don’t think Lisbon goes along with the corpse plan without the season 1 finale happening with its moments. Their boss even tells her she’s drunk Jane’s Kool-Aid with her defense of how they at least solved the case. Progress!!!

ONTO RED BADGE - I didn’t know this episode would consume me and propel me to write this post before I even watch 2.04 (so keep in mind I’m not analyzing anything past this episode in the post). In the beginning, there’s a scene with Jane and Lisbon playing a version of cups (I guess I would call it). Jane says their minds are synced.

In this episode, Lisbon is framed for the murder of a child molester she helped put away. We learn that’s how she knows Bosco and earned the nickname ‘Saint Teresa’. This whole episode is important to the ever-shifting relationship between Lisbon and Jane. She can’t remember what she did the night of the murder so she enlists Jane’s help with hypnotization - it shows a great trust in him and his abilities. She’s opening herself up to be vulnerable with him. As I mentioned earlier in the post, there’s a scene in season 1 where she doesn’t want him to know what she’s thinking - she still doesn’t but, because of the trust established, she allows herself to be hypnotized.

WHICH LEADS TO another plan that only the two of them are in on!!! To try to lure the real murderer out, Jane has Lisbon pretend to be heavily medicated and have a breakdown in the office. Her old colleague Bosco is highly concerned - he doesn’t know it’s all fake!!!! It ends up working with the murderer coming to Lisbon’s house and describing the scene in a way only the murderer would know. Similarly to the season 1 finale, we don’t know this is all a plan until the end. Bosco is admittedly hurt by not being a part of the plan - he and Lisbon go back and he implies if it had been her he would’ve helped her out with the case. The episode ends with Jane getting Lisbon donuts from a shop she mentioned earlier in the episode - he listens! He also picks up on Bosco’s more than friendly feelings toward Lisbon and teases her about it. In my opinion, I think Jane and Lisbon have always been on decent terms and probably friendly with each other, but it’s taken to a new level with the new trust and shift of their relationship. I’m not sure how to exactly end this but if you’ve read this far - thank you! I’m excited to see how the rest of season 2 (and the series) plays out with their relationship!

[levelofyoureye]

me vs genuinely trying not to tweak when something about the russian olympic trio from beijing 2022 goes viral and then all of the comments/replies are full of people who don’t actually care about figure skating BLATANTLY spreading misinformation about what happened

[syrenki]

post depressive episode clarity like what the fuck do you mean they'll never disappear, just fade.

[deepseawave]

obsessed w the tags on ur last reblog

Omgg, thank you haha, it was a quality post so I just had to appreciate it in full force 😂❤️

Can‘t believe someone would actually enjoy my yapping :,D

[brittlebutch]

forgive any incomprehensibility but the notion that the world can be cleanly split between the two immutable categories of 'the neurotypical' and 'the neurodiverse' ignores the reality that any person can at any point for any reason be arbitrarily 'diagnosed' by a 'professional' and shuttled between categories with no regard for the notions of 'accurate traits' or 'specific symptoms'. nice dichotomy what lies outside of it? you understand me?

[florida3exclamationpoints]

[filmnamtans]

.

[jessiesjaded]

Honestly, the most annoying part of fandom now for me personally is just that... I really don't need to know every detail of the thing I'm a fan of- not to say I don't love learning interesting little things but this obsession with knowing absolutely everything is so draining to me, especially private things. I don't need to know the director of the movie I enjoyed cheated on his wife once 20 years ago. I don't need to know that two actors had a fling once upon a time. I don't need to read every old interview from the guy who created the game I love just because I happen to love the thing he created, if you personally feel compelled to find out every last detail of every person involved in creating something, that's great for you! But please don't expect everyone else to be like that, too.

[jabeur]

whenever i'm with large groups of people i have at least one moment of Oh God. People Think I'm Either A Man Or A Woman. it's like getting shocked every time lmao party meme but it's they don't know i'm nonbinary

[today-i-am-thinking-about]

the mortifying ordeal of having your interests clocked

[mayclair]

girls when the girl they have a big fat friend crush on just requested to follow their instagram from her spam despite barely interacting before

[wheeloffortune-design]

it's been a year so i feel more comfortable talking about it..

when you're atheist and you lose someone, religious people don't really know how to interact with you. it's fine, we have different worldviews.

'He's in a better place, now.'

Sorry auntie, but I don't believe that. I believe that his brain stopped working at 5h55pm on december 11th 2022, and that's it. Nothing after that.

It makes grief very difficult, because not believing in god or the afterlife also means accepting that you will never, ever see that person again. That's it. The end. Nada mas.

But, back to the aunties and other faceless people gravitating in the grey blurry waters of your awareness.

They tell you 'He's with god now' and you tell them 'Yeah I don't believe that' and.

they. get. annoyed.

Here I am, gutted open, the worst day of my life, barely holding myself together, and they! Get annoyed that I won't smile and entertain their point of view!

Another faceless person tried to heal me with cristals. She also got annoyed when I told her I didn't believe in that.

I usually don't really mind religious people. It's fine, we have different worldviews. I think I'm right but so do they. As long as they're good people, I don't judge them for their faith.

I'll even be grateful for them trying to console me. I get that you're trying to give me strength and love. Thank you.

But I'm going to be true to myself, yes even when I'm mad with shock and grief. And I still can't believe they got annoyed that I didn't play along to placate them, on the worst day of my life.

(I wanted to share because I've never heard anyone talk about atheism and grief, and the loneliness that comes out of it.)