#you really can't get any worse than that and yet it's still the most popular

[arachnerd-8-legs]

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.infinitycow.eplay

checked the link, the link's fine

>3.4* rating >absolutely 0 descriptive reviews on what it actually does.

you don't even need all of that tbh. the one i use is just a list of all the audio files i got, you can remove whatever audio files you want out of the program itself without deleting it off your phone, and it shuffles fine so it does pretty much everything i need. most it does ads-wise is a banner ad sometimes

the one you sent is probably still way more functional than spotify premium LMAOOOOOO

[okartichoke]

ace avian. that’s what we’re calling this 🗣️🗣️🗣️

please let me know if you have any thoughts or suggestions or input or anything! i’m happy to bounce ideas around (i'll post DL-6 someday soon i swear)

link to masterpost || explations below cut

shoutout to the anon who sent in that ask bc i seriously fell in love with blue jay phoenix. SHOUTOUT TO TAKAHE PHOENIX TOO THO takahe phoenix, you will forever be in my heart and im glad you existed <3333,, (maybe in this au he’s got some loving adoptive takahe parents :3) (YKNOW WHAT YEAH that’s canon now)

but yeah, flight-avoidant jay phoenix still lends itself well to the common-man hardworking underdog vibe i want from him. speaking of flight-avoidant...

Phoenix's relationship with flying:

It's a bit complicated. Basically, Phoenix can fly, but he historically chooses not to. From the lack of any practice, he's an INCREDIBLY weak flier. (That hovering is really all he can manage)

For one, he's still afraid of heights. Can't help that. This fear means he was less inclined to practice flying, which made him a weaker flier. And being a weaker flier, in turn, made his fear of heights worse. And so on, in a loop. With flightless parents too (it's canon now it's canon), there's even less of a reason to learn to fly. At some point, not flying might've even become something he stuck with out of stubbornness lol, knowing Phoenix.

(I will soon be making a couple small world building posts, but) flying isn't necessary to get around in their society. Convenient, sure, but Phoenix realized he could make do without, and so he did. Phoenix, you icon. Slay. ��💅

i know this probably isn't the popular take with wing AUs??, but Phoenix being flightless (or at least semi-flightless) sounded like a really fun take on the idea to me. His name is irony at its peak. I also look forward to exploring how other characters react to him not flying. The prosecutors are going to have so many cheap insult opportunities.

As I mentioned though, he still uses his wings a LOT, though. He's much more emotive with them than most people. His sarcastic inner-dialogue remarks are also betrayed by his wings lmao

I also imagine bird-folk never really invented bikes (riding would just be annoying with their wings, plus bikes aren't fast/efficient enough to outweigh just flying), so instead, Phoenix gets around on a little wing-powered scooter device (like scootaloo lol) (they're usually made for children who can't fly yet, but Phoenix still uses one)

finally, wow, stellar jay’s are quite literally just phoenix wright as a bird lmao? color scheme, hair, it’s uncanny. give it a pink tie and it just is Phoenix Wright, i used a blue jay since they’ve got a bit more striking wings but wow.

(ty again for the support and for reading my essay ! :3)

one more thing, but @kora-kat YES YES YES this. ^^^^ omg THIS. this is still true even though he's a jay now.

[coraniaid]

The scene where Willow confronts Faith is Choices is kind of fascinating to me, because ... well.

I like Choices quite a lot, and I think Willow's dislike of Faith is perfectly understandable and in character (and her speech has some fun but probably not intentional foreshadowing for later seasons), but it's hard not to notice that the narrative expects you to be rather more unambiguously on Willow's side than I think is really warranted.

I mean, Willow might not have been the most popular girl in high school, but she has multiple close friends, a nice boyfriend, a stable [and fairly comfortably middle-class] home life, she "represents the pinnacle of achievement in Sunnydale High" in the words of her school's principal, she's trusted enough to teach at the school, in a year she'll be able to go to any college she wants (and, unlike some people, she can afford to go anywhere she wants), she used to hack into government computer databases (before she ever met Buffy!) and now she's teaching herself dark magic "for fun" and she hasn't [yet] ever suffered any real repercussions for either of those things.

On the other hand, from what little we hear about Faith's past we know she grew up poor and that her mother used to get drunk and beat her, that she didn't have any friends and dropped out of high school young, she is very strongly implied on multiple occasions to have been the victim of some pretty horrific abuse before being called as a Slayer, and after being called as a Slayer she got to watch the one adult who ever told her she mattered get killed horribly in front of her before fleeing across the country to a town where she doesn't know anybody, still has no friends, doesn't have a job or go to school and lives alone in a motel in the bad part of town. And when she accidentally killed a man, while trying to do the whole slaying vampires thing she's supposed to be doing, the Watcher's Council -- who never actually bothered to send her a new Watcher of her own -- decided to have her abducted and dragged away to England [a fate which surely nobody deserves].

Yet a part of Willow clearly thinks (and almost outright says) "oh, well, yeah, but she hangs out with Buffy sometimes when I don't get to and she slept with the guy -- not my nice boyfriend! -- who I used to have a crush on (and who I was briefly cheating on said boyfriend with), so it's clearly impossible to say which of us really had things worse and I don't need to feel sorry for her". And -- again, while this is great characterisation for Willow -- it's kind of hard not to notice that the writers think she has a compelling point.

Yes, sure, Faith has defected to working for the Mayor and has a knife drawn on Willow this scene (she's not anything like a blameless victim at this point of the story) and it takes a certain level of physical bravery for Willow to stand up for herself despite that. But ... I mean, come on. "You had friends like Buffy" is only true if you accept it to mean "you had exactly one friend, who was Buffy". "It's way too late" for Faith to seek forgiveness ... how many people has Faith killed at this point? One, by mistake? Giles has killed more people than that. "Some people think you had a lot of bad breaks?" Yeah, actually in Faith's shoes I'd want to hit Willow after she said that too.

I realize that part of the show's central thesis -- something that explicitly came up as recently as Earshot -- is the idea that everybody, regardless of how comfortable their life might seem from the outside, has their own sorrow and pain and (only occasionally metaphorical) demons to fight. But while that's not entirely wrong, it's also ... not entirely complete? Everyone has it bad sometimes, but some people really do have it worse than others. Pretending otherwise is ... not a serious position to take.

Willow's life could be better, but she's not gone through anything like Faith has. I'd argue she literally can't imagine how bad Faith's life has been. She really doesn't have as much moral authority as the show's writers think she has at this point.

[Compare this part of Season 3 with the first half of Season 6, when the show is overflowing with sympathy for Willow's abrupt descent into magic addiction but has no sympathy at all for Amy Madison, whose own magic addiction is just implied to be because she's inherently a Bad Person who Willow needs to avoid and whose own horrific past and abusive mother and complete lack of support system is just entirely forgotten about. Or, indeed, to the weird take of Dead Man's Party, which has Buffy apologize to Willow for ... what? Having problems of her own that don't revolve around Willow? Being too busy mourning the loss of everything she ever cared about to tell Willow how uniquely special and amazing she was for learning rudimentary magic? Not being grateful enough for Willow restoring Angel's soul without bothering to ask Buffy if that was something she still wanted her to try?]

So, the overall effect is ... yeah, it's a good scene. But it's almost a good scene despite the writer's intentions, not because of them. It's much less of an ambiguously triumphant moment for WIllow than I believe we're meant to read it as.

[tenswrld]

true romance

popstar!haechan x upcomingartist!reader, angst, fluff

summary: haechan's the world's boyfriend — and yours too, i guess.

word count: 4.1k

listen to: true romance - pinkpantheress

a/n: first, sorry that its been so long...im trying to be better about writing but inspiration comes and goes,,i hope you will indulge in whatever this is!!! everytime i hear this song my mind goes to haechan for some reason sooo yeah >_< i have lots of drafts its just a matter of when or if i finish them LOL love yall tho & enjoy

•°. *࿐

tell me, do you view me the same or do you call me a stranger?

"leave a bit after me so no one sees."

haechan is popular — without a doubt one of the most popular artists of your time. everyone either wants to be him or be with him, to which you completely understand. everything about him screams someone who was born to be on a stage, stealing hearts and whatnot. with such a bright personality, it was almost impossible to not like him.

you've had the privilege of getting to watch haechan grow from singing songs he wrote in his bedroom on youtube to him performing them in sold out shows. you're a fan, of course, but somewhere along the way — with crazy luck — you've wiggled your way into his life and into his heart. the two of you were music artists wishing on every star for some kind of breakthrough to the industry (take a guess on who got it). naturally, it brought you together. you were there when haechan reached 5,000 subscribers, and you were still there when he was selling out shows to 50,000 people. you've stuck by his side for so long that you're sure that its where you fit best.

in the moment, however, you're not so sure anymore.

"leave a bit after me so no one sees."

the small smile on your face slowly disappears at haechan's words and hurt quickly settles into your chest. "...why? what would be so bad about that?"

haechan seems unable to grasp how upset you are at his words. he shakes his head with a small laugh. "it's not like that, y/n. but a scandal at this time wouldn't be good."

"a scandal?" you scoff slightly. "since when have you ever cared about that?"

he sighs and runs a hand through his hair that's still slightly wet from his post-performance sweat. "i just don't want to take any risks right now. especially since my album is coming out soon. you understand, right?"

"i fly all the way out here to see you, and you don't want to be seen with me?" you say with a trembling lip and a weak voice. you're hurt and you're angry, but can't seem to keep your tears at bay.

"i didn't say that."

"you might as well have," you spit back at him.

"let's talk about this later, okay? trust me, it would be a lot worse for you than it would for me." haechan picks up his bag and swings it over his shoulder, making his way towards the backstage exit door.

frozen in place overwhelmed with emotion, you watch your boyfriend open the door. you think he's had a change of heart when he pauses at the door and turns back to you, but somehow he's managed to hurt you even more.

"maybe you should take these too," he says, placing the bouquet you made him back into your hold. the smell of roses and sunflowers taking over your senses as more tears well up in your eyes. you hope the flowers hide them from haechan's gaze. though, you're not so sure he'd notice anyway, as he'd already let the door close and left you behind.

•°. *࿐

'cause, baby, i don't care about the fame

people talk. as an upcoming music artist, you're aware that people talk. as the (hidden) girlfriend of a global superstar, you're more than aware that people love to talk about anything and everything that doesn't concern them.

you and haechan aren't on the same level of fame — not that it matters to you. it never mattered to you, really. even as haechan grew and grew and you remained with your significantly smaller (but still decent) following, fame was never your strongest desire.

yet, now, you're wondering that maybe if you were just a bit more famous, more popular, more well known, then you wouldn't feel as far away from haechan as you do right now. even as he sits beside you on the king bed of the luxury suite he booked for this stop of his tour, you feel further away from him then ever.

"i mean, what would people say about us, y/n? about you?"

"you keep saying that, hyuck, but you're not explaining it to me," you say, growing frustrated with him. "why is it just about me?"

he purses his lips before averting his gaze to the floor. "they'll say nasty stuff about you — that you're using me for fame, or money, or something like that."

you shake your head. "but you and i both know that's not true. we've been together for how many years now? their words shouldn't matter." you take hold of his hand and rub your thumb against his knuckles. "you could have nothing and i'd still be here."

"people don't know that," he scoffs. "they'll assume the worst about you."

maybe he's right — you're sure they will assume the worst about you regardless of your long, deep history with haechan. would he start to believe them? you think it, but you don’t ask — too afraid of the answer you might receive.

"what are you so afraid of?" you ask him softly, begging him with your mind for him to look at you.

but he doesn't, his eyes stayed trained on the ground and he can only weakly squeeze your hand that holds onto his own.

"i don't know."

•°. *࿐

tell me, why i don't play about you

every song is about you

haechan finally has a short break in between the legs of his tour and he chooses to spend every waking moment of it with you.

things between the two of you have felt rocky for a while. it makes haechan ashamed to say it, but he's been so focused on tour and his new album that he's pushed everything else to the side. he's a perfectionist and he feels like he's barely made it — he wants everything to work out perfectly and is committed to making sure that happens. he's not sure how long he's been brushing off anything non-career related, but he misses you — even if you're with him.

he flys the two of you out to a small, quaint place in kyoto where he finally gets to enjoy some peace and quiet in his life. he chooses to turn off his phone, not too keen with the idea of his manager berating him about all his responsibilities he'll have to tend to when he gets back. he's on vacation and he's here with you: the one person who's been with him through every up and down.

you're laying in his arms and haechan misses you to the point where it hurts — when was the last time he laid with you like this? the revelation urges him to pull you closer, placing a soft kiss to the crown of your head as you lay on his chest. he sighs into your hair, breathing all of you in. it's silent, for the most part, until you ask a question that rattles haechan's being.

"why do you not sing about me?" you ask it so softly that haechan almost misses it.

"what? what are you talking about?" he's genuinely confused as to what you mean. who do you think he sings about?

"i know a handful of your old old songs are about me, but you don't perform those anymore," you murmur into his chest. "ah, don't mind me, i'm just talking."

you sound embarrassed and defeated and haechan wants to cry. did you really not know? how long has he been pushing you away?

"y/n, every single song i write is about you," haechan professes. "i couldn't write about anyone else if i tried."

his words shock you, even if they shouldn't. you tilt your head up to look up at him and he looks down at you with the softest gaze.

"not that i ever would, anyway," he continues, a sad smile painting his face.

"you mean it?" you whisper to him, wanting so badly to believe him.

when haechan's resolve breaks and his eyes glaze over, you know he means it. his hold on you tightens with one hand and the other comes up to caress your cheek, swiping a tear you didn't even know had fallen.

"of course," he croaks. "you're my muse, y/n. you."

this time, you're wiping his tears away as he cries and cries into your palms. you shift the two of you so that he lies in between your legs, arms wrapped around your waist and face buried into your torso, your hands running through his hair. he's apologizing over and over and doesn't say why, but you know why. you regret ever doubting haechan's love for you — even if he was to blame.

but, just as you're certain you love him more than anything, you know that haechan loves you back all the same.

"it's always been you, y/n."

•°. *࿐

and everybody’s shouting out your name

“you look too handsome to be pouting like that, you know,” you tease lightly, approaching haechan to adjust his tie fondly.

he can’t help but smile at you as you do so, his hands easily finding their place around your waist, tugging you close. “if you tell me to stay, i will.”

you sigh and place your hands upon his chest, allowing you to push yourself up to place a soft kiss on his lips. his lips trail after yours once you pull away and he pouts at you again, eyes begging for another kiss but you push him back ever so slightly.

“you can’t miss this, hyuck, you know that. this could be really big for you!” you beam, swiping a bit of your lip gloss off of his lips. “some important people might be there.”

“but you won’t be there,” he whines. “what’s the point?”

you roll your eyes playfully. “you’ll be fine. now go, your manager has been waiting.” haechan sighs and leans down to place one more kiss on your lips.

you pull away before he can get carried away. “go! and put a good word in for me with taeyong, yeah?”

haechan rolls his eyes but smiles at you, pecking you on the cheek as he bids you farewell. “no promises.”

ੈ♡˳

it’s barely been over an hour and haechan wants to leave.

normally he’s able to tolerate these sorts of things — the bright lights, loud music, snobby people all trying to one up each other. he can get by and chat with anyone as if he’s known them for years. typically, events like these breeze by for haechan. why was he hating every second of it?

it’s lee taeyong’s end of year celebration party. of course, as his junior, haechan was invited. he’s grateful that he’s made friends with lots of other artists under his company, otherwise haechan would have been long gone within the first 45 minutes of arriving. but, haechan stays, mostly because he admires taeyong and does, in fact, bring up you and your songs — which, to his surprise, taeyong says he knows you and enjoys your music.

haechan isn’t given the chance to talk more, unfortunately, due to an excited kim jungwoo who locks an arm around haechan’s shoulder and drags him away.

“ow — hyung! i was in the middle of a conversation!” haechan grits to jungwoo, lightly shoving his arm off of him.

“my bad, it looked like you needed saving,” jungwoo chuckles. “come on, everyone’s been looking for you.”

jungwoo leads haechan to a small circle of people to which haechan knows as his small circle of friends: mark, his company's beloved canadian rapper; johnny suh, one of seoul's most popular djs; and of course there's kim jungwoo, kim doyoung, and jeong jaehyun who make up dojaejung, korea's heartthrob boy group.

"yo, where have you been?" mark greets him excitedly, lightly slapping him on the shoulder playfully.

"what do you mean 'where have i been', i saw you yesterday, mark," haechan grumbles.

"woah, someone needs a drink," johnny chuckles. doyoung is quick to hand haechan a glass of champagne.

haechan takes a large gulp, hopefully to ease whatever tension he feels in his shoulders. he's trying to enjoy the party, he really is, but all he wants to do is come home to you.

"everything okay?" doyoung asks him, concerned with the way haechan seems to be downing his drink.

the younger boy sighs. "yeah, i'm fine, sorry. just stressed out."

"oh, your album is coming out soon, right?" jungwoo remembers, nudging haechan with his elbow. "congratulations!"

the rest of the boys congratulate him and haechan can only half-heartedly reply despite being very grateful.

"i'm sure it'll be great," johnny reassures him.

"saw a lot of love songs on that track list," jungwoo teases. "got a special someone?"

haechan stills at his words and he's caught in an argument with himself. does he mention you? does he say no? is this how he wants people to find out you’re together? before he can even reply, though, jaehyun cuts in.

"speaking of, i heard that kim minjeong has had her eye on you for a while, haechan," jaehyun says. he raises his eyebrows at the younger boy and haechan gulps, the rest of his friends nudging him playfully as they coo at him.

"that's the model, right? and singer?" doyoung asks. "you should talk to her!"

haechan feels like he's going to be sick. maybe he's being dramatic — its not like they're shoving him into minjeong's face and asking him to profess his love. still, he feels like he's betraying you in some way and he realizes he has to go home.

"i can talk you up, probably," mark says. "we're normally at the studio at the same time."

“i heard that shin ryujin has been talking about you, too,” johnny pipes in. “honestly, who hasn’t been talking about you? i’m surprised you’ve done nothing about it.”

doyoung hums. “she seems like your type, donghyuck! i know some people over at —“

"no! no, don't — " haechan places his champagne glass onto a nearby table abruptly and sighs shakily. "just...don't. sorry, i-i don't feel well. i should go."

confused and concerned eyes watch haechan as he rushes towards the nearest exit. he doesn't bother saying goodbye to taeyong, but makes a mental note to send him an apologetic note tomorrow. haechan sees kim minjeong catch sight of him, and he's sure she's about to make an attempt to stop him to chat with the way she looks at him with a flirty gaze. haechan is quick to turn in the opposite direction and flees out of the nearest door.

haechan's manager comes out soon behind him, frenzied after trying to catch up to a frantic haechan. he doesn't get the chance to ask the latter if he's okay, too occupied with calling their driver upon haechan's request.

"home," he chokes out. he's out of breath and he feels dizzy — whether its from the champagne or from guilt, he's unsure.

"i want to go home."

•°. *࿐

i'm in the crowd, can you see my hand?

haechan has reached the encore of his final show of his tour, yet he still feels a pressure that he cannot explain.

its not from all of his seniors and friends that attended in support of him, he knows that. it's not from the different producers and music artists that flew to seoul for him, either. its a pressure that weighs on his chest that has made him feel unsatisfied with each stage, despite putting 150% effort in everything.

the crowd is going crazy for him after he delivers his final ment, and he takes a moment to soak in it all, in hopes it would give him some peace of mind.

then, his eyes finally spot you.

you, in the back row of some random section, sitting with your manager, with a banner with his name on it and a headband with bear ears perched on top of your head. he doesn't know if you can tell that he's staring right at you, but you start waving around the banner with excitement. haechan can't help but adore you even more than he already does.

time stops for him as he realizes that you're here. through thick and thin you've always been there — what has haechan ever done for you? he hasn't given you even a sliver of what you deserve, yet you've never left him. you stayed when he was a nobody, and even now when he's been terribly selfish, you let him be.

there are thousands of other hands waving at him, but haechan can only see yours.

"actually," haechan starts, quickly silencing the crowd. "there's one more thing i wanted to say."

from your seat, you feel your heartbeat quicken. haechan is still standing and looking into your direction and you know he sees you.

"there's someone very special to me that's here tonight."

your heart stops as you realize what he's doing and you can't help but glance at your manager in a panic. fans around you are murmuring in confusion since haechan had already given a shoutout to his guests.

"they've been by my side since i was writing silly love songs in my childhood bedroom," haechan says, a fond smile taking over his features. "i wrote those love songs about them then, and i still write every love song about them now."

the gasps and shocked noises at his confession fall upon deaf ears — to you, you and haechan are the only two people in the world.

"some of you may know her — she's an amazing music artist as well. far better than me, in my opinion, but maybe i'm a bit biased." haechan sees you laugh and can't help but chuckle too.

"my girlfriend, y/n, is here tonight, and i couldn't be more grateful. wave, y/n!" haechan calls out to you. surprisingly, the camera cuts to you as you wave shyly, hiding behind your haechan banner. even more surprising, the crowd cheers loudly for you.

"isn't she cute?" haechan asks. he's delighted when he sees and hears the rest of the stadium agree.

haechan finally feels that weight lift from off of his chest and he feels like he can breathe. he's happy — ecstatic, even — now that the world finally knows he's yours.

"y/n, you once asked me what i was afraid of, and i said i didn't know," haechan recalls gently. "but i know now." he purses his lips to prevent himself from choking up.

"you've always been so supportive of everything i've done. you've done so much for me and i'm not sure how i could ever repay you." haechan sucks in a sharp breath. "i'm afraid that i'll never truly deserve you."

the crowd coos and some fans in front of you turn around to look at you. you're a mess: tears are streaming down your face, and your hands are shaking. you hide pathetically behind your banner again as your manager wraps a comforting arm around your shoulder.

"i'm sorry for making you wait." haechan puts a hand over his heart, and you do the same. "i love you."

the camera cuts to you again and haechan glances at the monitor to get a better look at you as you mouth something back. haechan doesn't even attempt to conceal his smile or to hold back his tears. there's no use.

"i love you, too."

•°. *࿐

say what you want, this is true romance

“did you really have to mention that, hyuck?”

your boyfriend settles next to you on the couch, arm draping over your shoulder, as you scroll through his recent interview with vogue korea.

you pout at him and he's unable to stop the smile that takes over his face. he pinches your cheek and you quickly swat his hand away.

"what? what did i say?" he rests his chin on your shoulder to read the article for himself.

"i mean, does the public really have to know about me crying on our first date?" you complained. you continued scrolling and laughed as you read. "in what context would you ever have to tell vogue about our matching crayon shin-chan pajama pants?"

haechan laughs and presses a kiss to your shoulder. "honestly, i don't remember half of what i said during this interview. or any of what they asked me." he tugs you a little closer to him so that you're leaning against him, laying the two of you down. "all i know is that i'm pretty sure i started talking about you so much that they just called it a day."

"you're that obsessed with me, huh?" you teased.

haechan scoffs, wrapping both of his arms around you tightly. "obviously."

he watches you open instagram and sees you check the likes on your new post. he gasps dramatically, loosening one arm around you to snatch his phone from his pocket. "you posted?! where was my post notification?" he whines cutely.

he's a little too quick to find your account and he then quadruple clicks the picture to give it a like. "babe, why are your comments off? i was about to get really out of pocket," haechan whines again.

"okay, first, don't do that, please. save some of your dignity," you scold him. "but its because people are mean," you admit softly.

haechan's eyebrows furrow together and his tone stiffens. "who? what did they say?"

you sigh. "no one specific, don't worry. some people are just not too keen about us. your predictions were right, i guess," you attempt to joke, but it only makes haechan upset.

"here, come here," haechan beckons you up with him as he sits up. you're still under one of his arms, which he locks around your neck as he tugs you into his side. you're caught off guard, but lean into him anyway, arms wrapped around his torso. haechan lifts his phone up and takes selfies of the two of you, cheeks pressed together as you both smile uncontrollably.

you're both giggling like two high schoolers fresh into a relationship and you've never felt more happy and in love in your life. haechan presses wet kisses against your cheek before you eventually push his face away. still, he steals one more kiss from you — this time on your lips — and you let him.

"okay, i'm posting all of these," haechan declares casually, leaning back against the couch.

your eyes widen and you reach for his phone in an attempt to stop him, but haechan has already dodged you and raised his hand up. "hyuck, don't."

"why not? i'm in love with you, people just have to deal with it," he shrugs. "anyone who has a problem with us can get blocked."

you fall onto haechan's chest and he gladly wraps you up in his arms again. "you're stupid, but i love you."

"good, because i just posted it."

you peer up at haechan's phone and you see that he was true to his word. all of the selfies you just took piled into one singular post to which haechan captioned 'my heart'. you watch as he scrolls through the comments and blocks anyone with anything bad to say.

"wow, you weren't kidding," you say, amused.

"'course not. these people need to learn true romance." he leans down to kiss you one more time, this time letting the kiss linger. he pulls away but rests his forehead against yours, staring at you with eyes full of love. "i love you, too, by the way."

ੈ♡˳

haechan is popular — without a doubt, he's one of the most sought after guys in the industry. he's confident, charismatic, and he's bright. he's everyone's dream guy, it's no secret.

but, above all, he's yours, and you're his as well. he has devoted his heart and life to you and its not a secret to anyone anymore.

this time around, haechan wraps you up in his scarf to protect you from the cold before the two of you leave.

"i already have a scarf on, hyuck, just keep yours," you mumble from underneath the thick fabric.

haechan doesn't hear you (not just because he literally can't) because he's too focused on zipping up your jacket and tugging your beanie over your ears.

"okay," he says as he intertwines a hand in yours. he clutches the bouquet you made for him proudly in his other arm while he carries your bag and his own over his shoulder. "let's go home!"

its bittersweet as you realize how familiar yet different the situation is. you clutch haechan's hand tighter as he tugs you towards the backstage exit door, outside where the press and his fans are waiting.

he doesn't hide you anymore. no, instead haechan shows you off proudly and wholeheartedly as if it was what he was meant to do.

[solarwynd]

Jimin really is the new BTS. Actually no, he's the old BTS. Jungkook is new BTS, in the sense that he's a perfect representation of everything that went wrong with BTS starting with Dynamite (and he's actually worse). But Jimin is that old BTS that made people fans in the first place. Cause no one became a fan because of the english songs. Yes, people discovered the group through those songs since they were playing everywhere, but all that did was introduce people to BTS and make them check what else they had to offer. And what they had to offer was what made people fans. If the rest of BTS's music was the same as the english trilogy people wouldn't have stuck around.

Armys have this thing where they pretend like someone liking BTS but not liking most of the members as soloists is a crazy, unfathomable thing. But as someone who likes BTS as a group and, despite being continously uninterested, continues to give the members at least a few listens whenever they released something, I can tell you that what BTS offers with their music and performances is not being offered by any other member expect Jimin. There's definitely pieces of the group in all their individual carrers, but it's either not enough or it's not the good pieces (like with Jungkook).

Cause what do people love about BTS? It's their songs, those songs that were a good balance of being people's taste (so more pop leaning or if a different genre than at least something exciting) while still being of good quality and having enough depth for fans that like thinking about and discussing the meaning of songs. It's also their performances of those songs (which, of course, first requires having those good songs), is having full intricate choreographies and a lot of energy on stage.

When you think of all of that – easy to like but not basic and shallow songs with impressive performances – then what members of the group are offering that? Go down the list, one through seven, and tell me if any other member expect for Jimin has all that? I'm not asking if any other members has something good to offer, I'm asking if they have the specific things that made fans became fans in the first place. Let's see:

Rapline: Armys aren't rap fans. Rap enjoyers? Maybe. But rap fans? No. They like rap enough to have a few verses of it every song, but not enough for it to be the whole songs, the whole album. And the attempts rapline have made with genres other than rap have somehow been even less armys's taste. Their performances are also lacking. It's fine if you wanna see someone just rap, but armys want dancing too. J-hope really could've had something here but for some reason he refuses to actually dance to his solo songs.

Jin: Now, to be fair, we haven't really seen what he has to offer as a soloist, so he could surprise me. But is he likely to? Probably not. He'll probably have an album made up of mostly ballads and no dancing.

Taehyung: His music is boring. I'm sorry, but even his fans lowkey don't care about it. Also, they can scream all they want about him being a danceline member but I have yet to see him actually make use of that position. Taehyung's appeal is his looks and that's all.

Jungkook: Mister Dynamite himself.

Continuing with the rest of my accidently sent incomplete ask. I think I was talking about Jungkook? He's doing what BTS was doing with the english songs. That stuff is definitely popular I'll admit, but does it make for a good foundation for a whole carrer? Cause BTS could get aware with it since they already had that foundation, but Jungkook doesn't. You can't have your entire discography be Dynamites, Butters and, god forbid, PTD's. Fans are gonna get sick of it eventually. I mean armys already did after PTD, three songs in and they were ready for it to be over and for BTS to go back to how they used to be before 2020. Jungkook is currently getting away with it because it's just one solo album that gives armys the records they like while they wait for BTS (what they're actually fans of) to come back. But if he wants an actual solo carrer, he's gonna have to step up eventually. So as you can see. None of them are really offering what fans want. So why should people who became fans of BTS for those specific reasons be forced to be fans of the other members as soloists when they're not giving them what they want. I'm not a fan of people out of obligation, I'm a fan because I genuinely enjoy things. And Jimin is the only one whose solo work I genuinely enjoy. Sorry not sorry 🤷

.🎯

[welivetodream]

✨ My BSD hot takes/unpopular opinions ✨:

1. Identifying BSD characters as Queer, is not problematic. STOP being so Heteronormative. Gay characters are not gonna kill you.

If I see another "BuT tHe ChArAcTeRs nEvEr SaId tHeY aRe GaY" I would bomb you 💣/j

2. Skk/SSKK/Fyolai/other popular ships, exist because people like it. If you don't ship them, don't engage with their content. Not all shippers act crazy and toxic. Stop blaming everything on shippers.

3. Atsushi/Kyouka is problematic, stop justifying it with "only 4 year age gap". Kyouka is a CHILD, ship her with Kenji if you want. Atsushi, like a normal 18 year old would never look at a highschool freshman and date her. Even if they date in the future, he knew her when she was younger and they had a sibling like dynamic. Lucy is a way better love interest to Atsushi (Don't know if this is an unpopular opinion tho, but I saw some people justifying it 😐😐😐)

4. DAZAI IS NOT EVIL. HE IS FAR FROM EVIL. He is, despite being super popular and the face of BSD, the most mischaracterized and villified character. Morally grey characters exist??!!!

5. Mori is a way worse person than Dazai ever was.

6. PM members get a free pass for any heinous crime they commit by being hot or babygirl-ified (still love them tho, we do not often discuss how bad their actions have been, you can like criminals and acknowledge they are criminals in fiction. I would add DoA to this too, but it's worse with the PM)

7. Akutagawa's abuse of Kyouka shouldn't be forgotten just because Dazai abused Akutagawa.

8. Mori emotionally manipulated and abused Dazai when he was a teen. Just because it wasn't physical, doesn't mean it was nothing.

9. Atsushi is NOT a soft boy, he is way bitter, salty and sarcastic than we give him credit

10. Poe is important to Ranpo and their friendship/relationship is wholesome as hell

11. Ranpo and Yosano's friendship is way better than them being in a relationship in the future

12. FukuFuku is better than Fukumori (imo!!!!)

13. Buying real authors work after watching BSD is actually a really good thing, since more Gen z kids (or other people) will read classics

14. There are layers to Atsushi and Akutagawa relationship/rivalry, and they have the MOST important relationship (not meaning romantic, just in general) in the entire canon.

15. Kunikida and Yosano could be a power couple

16. Fyodor is not a great villain (yet)

17. Nikolai CARRIES the DoA

18. Sigma shouldn't be in the ADA, he needs a happy home, family and some time to adjust to normal life

19. Q and Elise are both underused characters and could become a great dynamic

20. Ango deserves more love, the amount of pressure and stress he deals with is INSANE

21. It's OKAY if everyone joins the fandom for Dazai or skk (I did at first too!!)

22. Higuchi is annoying as hell. I do not get her hype, I like her but not as much as most people (just personal opinion, do not flame me 😭)

23. Everyone in The Guild is forgettable or boring (except Fitzgerald, Poe and Lucy. I like Louisa, but I forget her all the time)

24. Hetero ships are just not that great/interesting in BSD to me 🤷🏻‍♀️ (except maybe AtsuLucy or rare pairs) and female characters are not best utilised, I wish they play more major roles (can't wait for Agatha to arrive!!)

25. Some fan theories/arts get the story better than "canon" stuff at times. Fanon is NOT always the worst (sometimes enjoyable when the canon gets too dark or sad)

26. Toxic ships are okay in fiction as long as they are legal. Humans like toxic things, we consume it like junk food 💅🏻

(These are all personal opinions of mine and do not matter. Feel free to disagree. But, do not hate or be toxic!!!! 😇😇😇😇)

(PS: I compiled all these because of posts I have seen in, Reddit, Pinterest, Twitter and sometimes Tiktok. These aren't really abt you Tumblr folks. I meant to post this on reddit but did not have the courage or mental strength lol)

[kylieswift31]

Taylor swift, the mastermind and a journey down the rabbit hole...

Introduction

This started off as an exploration of Taylor's Swift's music videos and lyrical analysis, but throughout the process of analysing the delicate music video I began to uncover a deeper layer to what was being shown. This in itself felt like a big connection, but upon further exploration I discovered what felt like a much bigger puzzle piece connecting everything Taylor has been working on up until this point. I thought that was where it ended only to discover more and more all over again. In the end, the rabbit hole is so much deeper than I could have predicted, but the journey was worth the wait.

I was discovering deeper layers and connections as this came together, and my intention was to provide my discoveries with you in a similar way. I could go back and delete most of it and leave you with my discoveries, but I don't believe that's what Taylor would have wanted.

If you want to share this or add to it please go ahead, but if you do, try not to spoil the ending for others before they've had a chance to find out for themselves. Being able to see the connections for yourself as you go along adds much needed context to the connections discussed, so treat this like a book and take it one chapter at a time. After all, once you open pandoras box, there's no going back.

If you're interested in learning more please keep reading, but be warned this is going to be a really long post. I have broken this down into 13 parts, (it started off as 3) so feel free to pause after each one if you need to and come back to it when you're ready.

I fear I have reached the bottom of the rabbit hole...

Will you join me?

🕳🐇

Chapter 1

The delicate music video

"Is it cool that I said all that? Is it too soon to do this yet?"

Taylor Swift has been leaving Easter eggs in her music, outfits and interviews for years now. These can range from hidden messages in the lyric booklets to bigger clues for upcoming albums and songs, as seen in the you need to calm down music video. There are many Easter eggs in the delicate music video too, but it's also hinting at a bigger theme some have seen throughout Taylor's work over the years. If we dive deeper into the lyrics, music videos, interviews and performances we might get a greater understanding of what Taylor is sharing with us throughout her work.

Opening credits. Instead of sharing my opinion on all of this with you from the start, I'll provide my findings and allow you to make your own assessment along the way...

The delicate music video starts with a close up of Taylor on the red carpet, surrounded by people wanting the latest update on her love life.

"This ain't for the best

My reputation's never been worse, so

You must like me for me"

She composes herself before the interview starts, stepping into the persona of pop star Taylor.

"We can't make

Any promises now, can we, babe?"

A passerby hands Taylor a sparkling note from a secret admirer.

"But you can make me a drink"

Taylor is makes her way inside. Despite the damage to her reputation, Taylor is still really popular with her fans who want to take photos with her.

"Dive bar on the East Side, where you at?

Phone lights up my nightstand in the black

Come here, you can meet me in the back"

A man dressed in a red concierge uniform tries to get to Taylor, but he is carried away before he gets too close.

"Dark jeans and your Nikes, look at you

Oh damn, never seen that color blue

Just think of the fun things we could do

('Cause I like you)"

She's surrounded by bodyguards on all sides now. Taylor starts to notice how they move in sync when she does. If she takes a step back, so do they.

"This ain't for the best

My reputation's never been worse, so

You must like me for me

(Yeah, I want you)"

When she's left alone, we see her reading the note she received earlier. The location of her dressing room suggests that it's private and secretive.

"We can't make

Any promises now, can we, babe?

But you can make me a drink"

Taylor gets distracted by a group of girls walking into the room. When she turns back to the mirror her reflection has disappeared. She leaves the note next to the basin to investigate.

"Is it cool that I said all that?

Is it chill that you're in my head?

'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)"

The people around Taylor can't see her, no matter what she does to get their attention. She appears invisible, something she's been writing about in her lyrics since debut.

"Is it cool that I said all that?

Is it too soon to do this yet?

'Cause I know that it's delicate"

Ditching her red shoes is the first step she takes to embrace this newfound freedom and then continues to tear away the bottom of her dress. We start to see a lot more playfulness and freedom in the way Taylor moves knowing that no one can see her.

"Isn't it, isn't it, isn't it?

Isn't it?

Isn't it, isn't it, isn't it?

Isn't it delicate?"

Taylor is dancing her way through the hotel and there's no one paying enough attention to stop her, they appear to be too focused on their roles at work to notice her.

"Third floor on the West Side, me and you

Handsome, you're a mansion with a view

Do the girls back home touch you like I do?

Long night with your hands up in my hair

Echoes of your footsteps on the stairs

Stay here, honey, I don't wanna share

('Cause I like you)"

We see the concierge guy being carried away again. Here it is implied that he had made another attempt to get to Taylor, but again failed to do so.

"This ain't for the best

My reputation's never been worse, so

You must like me for me

(Yeah, I want you)

We can't make

Any promises now, can we, babe?

But you can make me a drink"

The climax of the dance scene shows Taylor start to feel overwhelmed with it all. It was fun to begin with but the look on her face shows how lonely it’s become to be doing all of this on her own.

"Is it cool that I said all that?

Is it chill that you're in my head?

'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)

Is it cool that I said all that?

Is it too soon to do this yet?

'Cause I know that it's delicate"

Next she enters the elevator. It’s already occupied by an older woman in a red dress. She smiles at Taylor, who becomes hopeful that she’s become visible again. The lady starts applying lipstick to her lips as Taylor turns to find that she was looking at her own reflection in the mirror the whole time.

"Isn't it, isn't it, isn't it?

Isn't it?

Isn't it, isn't it, isn't it?

Isn't it delicate?"

Taylor has left the hotel and is now in an underground train station. She’s still dancing, but with less enthusiasm than before.

"Sometimes I wonder, when you sleep

Are you ever dreaming of me?"

As she steps onto the train she falls at the feet of the man, who is eerily similar to Taylor’s character in the man music video.

"Sometimes when I look into your eyes"

Taylor perks up again with a lovestruck look on her face, clutching her heart. It's a little dramatic but she appears excited.

"I pretend you're mine all the damn time"

The next scene shows Taylor dancing in the rain at night, on her way to the bar. We begin to see there is graffiti on the walls as she goes up the street. They mention Reputation and lyrics from delicate.

"Is it cool that I said all that?

Is it chill that you're in my head?

'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)

(Yeah, I want you)"

The way she bows in this scene, as well as the graffiti behind her, reflect iconic imagery from the hunger games catching fire movie.

"Is it cool that I said all that?

Is it too soon to do this yet?

'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)

('Cause I like you)"

The dancing sequence concludes with Taylor's final pose on the hood of an old fashioned car.

"Is it cool that I said all that? (Isn't it?)

Is it chill that you're in my head? (Isn't it, isn't it?)

'Cause I know that it's delicate (isn't it delicate?)

(Yeah, I want you)"

Here Taylor has finally reached her destination, the bar mentioned in the note from her secret admirer. This is the first time we will see them meet. The red neon lights indicate that the bar is called the golden gopher, open nightly 365.

"Is it cool that I said all that? (Isn't it?)"

Taylor is clutching the note to her chest as she steps into the bar, hopeful for what she will find when she opens her eyes. It seems like she's making a wish that this will all work out for the best.

"Is it too soon to do this yet? (Isn't it, isn't it?)"

When she opens her eyes we see several people sitting at the bar turn to look at her coming through the door. Every person at the bar could be her secret admirer, but it’s implied the man closest to the door is her match because he's the one in focus.

"'Cause I know that it's delicate"

We’re left with one final close up shot of Taylor, rain soaked and worn out from her journey, as she lights up with recognition upon seeing the person who was there waiting for her all along.

"Isn't it delicate?"

End credits.

Chapter 1 conclusion

Choose your own adventure

Here is where I invite you to think about the story and come up with your own conclusions about how it ended.

Level 1.

Do you believe that the story is just about Taylor finding love again after her reputation was damaged? If so, the story ends for you with the guy at the bar waiting for her.

Level 2.

Maybe you picked up on a deeper layer of the story being about the girl at the bar? And that amidst her reputation being damaged she was also coming to terms with having a queer relationship that she had to keep hidden to protect her career? If so, then the story might end here for you with the girl at the bar waiting for her.

Level 3.

Or perhaps you wanted to go a little deeper still? By re-examining the story searching for clues, you might start to pick up on an even deeper story being told about PR relationships (where a public relationship could allow a private relationship to remain private). The story could end here for you with the person of your choice waiting at the bar.

Level 4.

An even deeper meaning that is yet to be revealed?

Before you continue

Looking back through my findings, the note from the secret admirer, the strange facial expressions, the concierge guy, the lady in the elevator, the graffiti and the lyrics could all be clues to reconsider and investigate before moving forward.

Chapter 2

The Truman show connection

“Help me, I’m being spontaneous!”

You might have noticed by now that this music video is a perfectly executed retelling of the Truman show. More on that later, lets explore the movie in a bit more detail first.

The Trueman show is a movie from 1998 featuring Jim Carrey in the role of Truman Burbank, who lives in the picturesque town of Seahaven. He has a wife, a nice house and car, he goes to work every day and spends his free time hanging out with his best friend. He leads a picture perfect life, or so it seems?

Truman's day starts with greeting his neighbours while on his way to work. "Good morning! Oh, and incase I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening and goodnight!" It's apparent from the first day that Truman has a consistent routine with his drive to work, stopping to get the paper and making his way up to his office. Truman's life appears to be perfect and full of happiness, but slowly we start to see the cracks forming in the facade.

The first crack appears while Truman is at work. He's ripping a picture of a lady's facial features out of a magazine and making a secretive call to the directory assistance looking for someone by the name of Lauren or Sylvia Garland.

His boss delegates a job for him to complete that involves travelling across the bay via boat. As he makes his way to the dock we learn that Truman has a debilitating fear of water, caused by his dad drowning when he was younger and this prevents him from getting on the boat. The next crack comes when Truman recognises a man on the street that looks eerily like his father, but gets whisked away before they can talk.

Through Truman's interactions we start to learn that he has a dream of moving to Fiji, and to explore other parts of the world. The only problem is that he lives on an island and is afraid of water. When he mentions this plan to his wife he's reminded of their financial obligations, making it impossible to leave Seahaven.

After another day of work we see Truman in the basement unlocking an old chest that is full of nostalgic memorabilia from his past. There's old toys, photographs of his father and a map of Fiji inside the lid. We get the sense that the basement is Truman's only personal space within the house. As he pulls out a red cardigan from a plastic bag, we get flashbacks of his high school years. His attention is torn between Lauren Garland and his current wife, Meryl. We see Truman is interested in Lauren, but Meryl is persistent as she tries to get his attention.

During a study session in the library, Truman and Lauren have a moment alone for the first time. We start to notice that Lauren has green eyes (just like the picture Truman saved during his present day). She's also wearing a red rose shirt, red cardigan and a red and white badge that says 'how's it going to end?'. As the library closes they sneak away together to the beach. After a while, we see a car driving onto the beach and Lauren gets dragged away by a man claiming to be her father. She hastily reveals that her name isn't Lauren, it's Sylvia, and that everything Truman knows about his life is a lie. Her father claims that she is having an episode because of her schizophrenia. "We've tried everything. Hynotism, shock therapy." And that he's not the first, she brings all her boyfriends down here. She begs Truman to come and find her. As her father drives away, he reassures Truman by saying that he's taking her to Fiji to receive more help. All Truman is left with is her red cardigan.

The flashback ends here and we find out that Truman didn't follow her to Fiji at the time because his mother got sick, really sick. Instead he settled down and married Meryl, while living with the loss of what could've been with Sylvia. We return to the present day as Truman is in the basement holding a photo frame of his wife Meryl. It seems like a loving gesture at first, until he turns it around and opens it up to reveal that he's been collecting a collage of facial features, in an attempt to recreate a portrait of Sylvia from memory.

Eventually we see Truman on his way to work again, but this time the radio in his car is starting to glitch. We hear a strange transmission about Truman's location. There's a high pitched feedback sound as the frequency is returned and the regular channel continues. The cracks in the facade are now bigger than ever.

Truman appears sceptical of everyone around him for the first time and almost gets hit by a bus as he starts to panic. He rushes into a building near his work and just misses the elevator. Another elevator door opens, but as he goes to enter it, it's revealed that there is no elevator and it's just a storage room that is full of people moving about.

As he seeks out his best friend Marlon for help, we learn that Truman feels concerned that he is being followed or set up for something. They leave the supermarket with Truman talking loudly about his birthday and we see them again later in the day sitting at the beach watching the sunset. Marlon describes it as perfect, painted by the big man with a paintbrush. Truman begins to open up about his secret plan to go away for a while.

The next scene shows Truman's mother and wife reminiscing over photos from their past. His mother reminds him of her wish to have a grandchild before it's too late. Meryl offers to take her home with plans to discuss Truman's birthday plans, leaving him alone with the photo album. Upon closer inspection he discovers that a wedding photograph reveals that Meryl had her fingers crossed at the time, implying that her commitment to the marriage was fake.

The next morning Truman tries to confront Meryl, but she claims she doesn't have time, because she has an urgent amputation to perform at the hospital to get to as a result of an elevator disaster from the day before. Truman wishes her good luck and says he will have his fingers crossed for her, suspiciously. Truman follows her to work on his bike and sneaks through the hospital to see if she's lying about this too. The doctors are forced to perform the surgery on a patient pretending to be under anaesthesia.

We're starting to see that those closest to Truman have been lying to him. In a bid to escape, Truman goes to a travel agent looking for a flight that leaves immediately, only to learn that there's nothing available. He perseveres and tries the bus instead but that doesn't work either. Truman seems unsure of what else to try. We see him sitting in his car in his driveway when Meryl gets home from work and she gets into the car with him. Truman tries to tell her that he has figured out that the same people have been going past again and again, like clockwork.

She agrees to go to Fiji in a few months in an attempt to placate him, but Truman locks her in the car and attempts to leave town. "Blocked at every turn. Beautifully synchronised, don't you agree?" It's becoming really obvious that the town is working together to prevent Truman from leaving town now.

They reach a bridge over water that Truman is too scared to drive over at first. Instead of backing down he forces Meryl to steer while he's driving with his eyes closed. "We're over the bridge!" As Truman continues to escape, they are still faced with roadblock after roadblock. There's fire over the road that smokes up the car and an emergency at the nuclear power plant. As they stop Truman thanks the police officer for his help with directions. He replies with "you're welcome, Truman." This is the final straw that creates a big crack in the facade as Truman realises that everything he knows is a lie.

He runs off into the woods but gets trapped and returned home again by the police officers. Meryl offers to make some cocoa as if she's advertising the product at the same time. Truman confronts her looking for answers, only to be accused of having a nervous breakdown. "You're a part of this, aren't you?" he exclaims.

As they're arguing in the kitchen Meryl fearfully calls out "do something!" The next minute his best friend Marlon turns up with a six pack of beer. Meryl leaps into his arms crying as he comforts her, but he's looking at Truman when he says "everything's going to be okay, it's all going to be fine." The next scene cuts to them sitting at the end of an unfinished bridge together as Truman begins to tell Marlon what he's been through. "Maybe I'm losing my mind, but it feels like the whole world revolves around me somehow." Marlon replies by saying "that's a lot of world for one man, Truman."

Truman is concerned that everyone he knows has been in on this lie. Marlon reassures him by saying that he's been Truman's best friend since he was seven years old, that he's the closest thing he's ever had to a brother. "The last thing that I would ever do is lie to you. I mean, think about it Truman. If everybody is in on it... I'd have to be in on it, too."

The conversation ends with Marlon saying that there was something that started all this trouble, implying that he's done something to help. They turn around as we see Truman's father walk towards them through the fog. After many years Truman and his father are finally reunited.

Chapter 2 conclusion

We have now reached the turning point of Truman's story. Before we get any further I invite you to reassess your answer to how the delicate music video ended before we continue.

Level 1.

Did Taylor end up with the guy at the bar?

Level 2.

Is Taylor queer and despite the risk to her career end up with the girl at the bar?

Level 3.

Is it both? Has Taylor been in public relationships with men to protect her queer relationships with women and to keep her career safe?

Level 4.

An even deeper meaning that is yet to be revealed?

Chapter 3

Lights, camera, action!

“I think I’ve seen this film before”

The first time you watch the Truman show, the focus is on Truman and his journey. There have been cracks in the facade of his story from the beginning, but halfway through we reach a turning point as it becomes obvious that Truman is also the star of a 24 hour reality TV show that broadcasts his life to the public without his knowledge. Every move he makes is being observed by the outside. I left out some of these details from part two so you could see Truman's story unfold first, so lets go back through some of the initial clues before we finish his story.

The very first scene is not of Truman, but the director Christof, talking to the audience of the Truman show. There are many clues throughout the movie hinting at the fact that the town of Seahaven is a set designed for the viewer's access to every aspect of Trueman's life.

The first time we see Truman on the screen it is through the lens of a TV screen, the same way the audience of the show does. It feels very intimate, like he is talking to us, but in fact he is talking to his reflection in the bathroom mirror and is not cognisant of our presence. This is a space that is usually private for everyone, yet the viewer has access to this part of his life too. As Truman leaves the room the screen cuts to a black screen with the timestamp 'Day 10,909'.

When Truman leaves for work in his car we feel like we're watching him from within the dashboard, as you can see the blue numbers on the display overlaid on our view of him. The people he greets along the way seem a little too friendly and one group seem to push him back against the wall to give the camera a better angle of him.

Later on as the love triangle is explained via flashbacks, we see commentary from people working in the Truman bar as they watch the show. They explain some of his backstory for us and talk about watching his greatest hits videos from time to time. Everyone Truman comes into contact with knows who he is.

I mentioned in the last part that we were at the turning point in Truman's story. This second half of the story is when we start to get a proper look behind the scenes of the show we have been watching, as we see more from the directors point of view. Truman's best friend is receiving directions on what to say via an in ear device to convince him that they're not lying. The fog on the bridge is added for dramatic flare, there's a shot of viewers surrounded by the Truman show memorabilia and we see the emotional music playing is being choreographed too. The next scene is the first time we see Sylvia as an adult. She's sitting in her living room with an assortment of photos and newspapers in front of her, watching Truman on her TV too. It's clear she still cares about him.

The show continues with a recap of how 1.7 billion were there for Truman's birth, 220 countries watched his first steps and how the world stood still when he kissed Sylvia for the first time. They explain how as the technology improved over the years, their consumption of Truman's life increased too. "An entire human life recorded on an intricate network of hidden cameras, and broadcast live and unedited 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to an audience around the globe." We get a glimpse into where Truman is living. Seahaven island is the largest studio ever constructed within a dome like structure, and it's location is just beyond the Hollywood sign. The moon is fake and the director has been working from within it the entire time.

We start to find out how they had to manufacture ways to keep Truman on the island. His father dying played a big part of that, but to the viewers it is just a plot twist in the show they've been watching for their entertainment. They have 5,000 cameras now, but started off with just one. They've been watching Truman's life since he was conceived and he was legally adopted by a corporation to fulfil the role on the show. Everything on the show is for sale, including their wardrobe, food products and dollhouse style versions of the homes they live in. "We accept the reality of the world with which we are presented." This is the director's response as to why Truman has never left Seahaven or found out about the show.

The interviewer is still taking calls from viewers and this time we hear Sylvia is on the line. We're shown that her home is full of anti-the Truman show information, with artefacts pinned up on the walls of her home. She has been collecting evidence since she was kicked out and is still trying to protect him, with evidence that there's a darker side to the show that we haven't seen before now. The director has a persuasive viewpoint on why Truman is happy living the life as he knows it. The interviewer attempts to placate the viewers by saying "well, aside from the heated comments of a very vocal minority, it's been an overwhelmingly positive experience." The director lets the audience know that Truman's wife will be leaving soon and a new love interest will be introduced.

The next morning we go back to Truman in the bathroom again, as if he's just started another regular day. He seems playful, using a bar of soap to draw an alien outline on the mirror, while at the same time indicating that he feels alienated too. His trip to work is just like the one at the start of the movie, but this time each interaction feels a little more forced. The cameras are more visible now. We view Truman through a hidden camera inside of the pencil sharpener. His boss introduces him to his new love interest Vivian, who is wearing a red cardigan just like the one he kept hidden away that belonged to Sylvia.

After an afternoon of working in the garden, the cameramen are keeping watch as Truman is asleep in the basement. He informs the director that he moved down there after Meryl packed up and left, leaving him home alone. The director is concerned about a change in his behaviour so they send Marlon to investigate. When he gets there and finds there's a plastic snowman in the bed, Marlon's pretending that it's a game because they're still broadcasting the show. He stands in front of a map to Fiji pretending he doesn't know where to look, only to whip around and open the door.

Inside the broom closet is a hole in the ceiling Truman created that leads to a secret tunnel out of the basement. Marlon sticks his head out of the hole like a gopher to find that Truman is nowhere in sight. The director yells "cut transmission!" and the live stream is ended for the first time since it began. Everyone begins to panic as they try to locate Truman and deal with the fallout. There are soon hoards of people combing the streets. In one last ditch effort to find him the daylight gets turned up in the middle of the night. Everyone's wondering what time it is and rumours are circulating amongst viewers that Truman might be dead.

Finally they locate Truman. He managed to get on a boat and is sailing away from Seahaven for the first time. He pulls the collage picture of Sylvia out of his pocket, the only thing he took with him. The camera cuts to show us she is relieved that he's finally escaping. The director manufactures a storm to force Truman to turn around. He would rather risk Truman's life than lose the star of the show. Lightning strikes the boat multiple times before he falls overboard. Just as they think Truman drowned, he screams out "is that the best you can do?" Truman begins to sing "What shall we do with the drunken sailor?" while fighting back. The biggest wave of all hits the boat as everyone watching is waiting with bated breath to find out if he survives or not, and he does. The boat comes to a stop as it crashes into the edge of the dome. Truman tries to break his way through the wall but is unsuccessful. He begins walking along the edge until he reaches the infamous staircase that stretches up into the sky with a door leading to the outside world.

Finally in a last ditch effort to persuade Truman to stay, the director talks to Truman for the first time just as he opens the door. He's pleading for Truman to stay, to let the show continue as it is, claiming that he knows Truman better than he knows himself. "You've never had a camera in my head!" is the only thing he says in defence.

The camera cuts to show Sylvia is still anxiously watching from home, praying that Truman will have the courage to leave for the first time. The director begs yet again, saying he is being broadcast to the whole world. We get one final "Incase I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening and goodnight!" as Truman takes a bow and steps through the door. Sylvia begins to rush out of her house and everyone watching at home begin cheering in celebration.

As we sit there hoping for an epilogue to the story, the credits start rolling. We’re left having to come up with our own interpretation of how Truman's story ended.

Chapter 3 conclusion

Choose your own adventure

Here is where I invite you to think about Truman's story and come up with your own conclusions about when he discovered that he was being lied to.

Level 1.

The movie ends and you go on with your day content with knowing that he was able to leave at the end?

Level 2.

Do you go back and watch the movie again? Maybe you investigate and re-examine how Truman first realised something wasn’t right?

Level 3.

Maybe you dig a little deeper still as you start to see the signs that Truman knew all along? How there was a minority of viewers on Truman’s side? And despite his struggles he found a sense of playfulness in the life he was living?

Level 4.

An even deeper meaning that is yet to be revealed?

Before you continue

The Truman show challenges our perception of how ethical it is to have such unobstructed access to Truman’s life. We’re left questioning if our entertainment was worth the price he was paying by spending his whole life living in the spotlight.

Chapter 4

The accomplice

"The devil's in the details, but you've got a friend in me"

When you get to the end of the Truman show movie you start to realise that not everything you saw was as it seems. You could accept this as the ending or you could go back and watch it again, keeping an eye out for all the clues leading us towards a deeper meaning to the story being told.

We've known for some time now that Taylor has included references to the Truman show through her use of Easter eggs, but what I've discovered is that the layers of references to this movie go so much deeper than we've ever realised before now.

We can see references to the Truman show in the first scene of the delicate music video, as we get a close up view of Taylor before the camera zooms out to reveal more about the life she leads. We start to see the cracks form the moment when someone wearing red tries to approach her too. This is the point where everything changes. We see Taylor start to pay attention to her bodyguards moving too perfectly in step with her, just like Truman notices that the people around him appear to be choreographed.

When Taylor is reading the note she received, her facial expressions and dance moves begin to mirror Jim Carrey's mannerisms. Her playfulness is short-lived and the reappearance of the characters in red take on a more complex meaning now that we can see that they are a reference to the Truman show.

The turning point for Taylor's character begins when she becomes overwhelmed. It's all fun and games, until it becomes lonely being invisible. Truman appears to feel the same way. Everyone was so enthralled by the show they were watching that they didn't notice how hard it was for him to not be able to live his life in the way he wanted to. We see him talk about leaving town over and over again, but from the outside we can see that the director is working against him. It makes us contemplate if forcing the star of the show to continue his role is worth it? There's even a point where the director talks about his hopes for the first on screen conception. When does it go too far before it becomes unethical?

Just as Truman escaped the life he felt trapped in, we see Taylor approach the same fate as she enters the bar. The name of the bar, the golden gopher, is a nod to the Truman show too (and what started this deep dive beyond just the Easter eggs). The note she's holding also reflects the collage picture of Sylvia. At last Taylor steps through the door, just like Truman did.

Looking back we can start to see the clues that Truman has known the truth since Sylvia left, based on what she told him as she was being taken away. We see Truman working in the garden several times and once he escaped we can deduce that this is something he's been planning for some time.

Here's the point where we need to consider Marlon's role in Truman's life. We know that they've been best friends since they were kids and have grown up together. So it makes sense that Marlon found ways to communicate with Truman. We start to see that is true with the comment about the sunset. It's an honest observation but said in just the right way that lets Truman know the truth about the life he's living. When he shows up to save Meryl, we see that he's talking to Truman as he says that it's going to be okay. Afterwards when they're sitting on the bridge, you can see that he means what he's saying, despite being told what to say.

Now if we go back and read the delicate lyrics again we start to see a thread of communication with her secret lover has been occurring the whole time. If we believe that Taylor's note was from a female love interest, we start to understand the motive behind needing to find a similar way to communicate without drawing unwanted attention. Looking back, the note Taylor received in the beginning wasn't the first.

At the end, both Truman and Taylor finish their story with a dramatic bow towards the camera. This is our first hint at the the secret hidden meaning I alluded to with the choose your own adventure questions earlier.

If you're ready to fall the rabbit hole then please keep reading...

Chapter 4 conclusion

These quotes are from the very start of the movie, however I’ve saved them for this section as they play a big part in the connections between Truman’s story and Taylor's story.

"We've become bored with watching actors give us phony emotions. We're tired of pyrotechnics and special effects. While the world he inhabits is, in some respects, counterfeit, there's nothing fake about Truman himself. No scripts, no cue cards. It isn't always Shakespeare, but it's genuine. It's a life." -Ed Harris as the director, Christoff

"Well, for me, there is no difference between a private life and a public life. My life... is my life, is the Truman show." -Hannah Gill as Meryl

"It's all true. It's all real. Nothing here is fake. Nothing you see on the show is fake. It's merely controlled." -Noah Emmerich as Marlon

Chapter 5

The tipping point

"When you are young, they assume you know nothing."

The key to the secret hidden meaning I’ve been alluding to is hidden within the Truman show movie. The final bow at the end invites us to go back through their story yet again to uncover the deeper layers. Is this the secret clue? At the end of a theatre performance, the cast will come back on stage one last time to give their final bow of the night as the audience applauds the performance they've just witnessed. So we then have to consider that Truman and Taylor's final bow was an acknowledgement of the fact that they have been putting on a performance the entire time. But who was the performance for? Us.

As we dive even deeper we uncover the final clues. The soliloquy he performs to himself in the mirror, greeting his neighbours with his famous catchphrase, the way he answers the radio host's questions in the car. It's likely Truman knew about his role in the show since Sylvia left, but we can't dismiss the possibility that Marlon had informed him long before that. We know they had less cameras in the beginning so it would've been easier to let it slip without anyone noticing.

From what we can see, Truman was content with the life he had and found. He displays a sense of freedom in being a part of the performance until he found out that his father was still alive. This tipping point in hindsight is when Truman became aware of how far his family went to keep the show going.

This changed everything and is the final crack in the facade that led to Truman planning his escape. As we revisit the flashback to the love triangle, we start to learn how much Truman sacrificed along the way. Through the development of Sylvia's character we start to see the significance of the colour red. To the viewers at home it is a symbol of heartbreak and loss, and that Truman's attachment to the cardigan is based on his feelings for her. But for Truman we can assume that it is more like a symbol of hope that he might finally be free one day. Other symbols we see her wear include a red seahorse pin (their school mascot) a green bauble bracelet and the 'how's it going to end?' badge. When he reads the badge in the library, he quietly admits that he's been wondering that too. After Truman finishes reminiscing about the past, he slyly reveals that the badge is still pinned onto the cardigan. The collage picture of Sylvia also shows that he never lost hope of finding her again.

Red is the colour used throughout most of the Truman show memorabilia, but done in a way that reference Truman's on screen character. What started out as a symbol of resistance slowly became a symbol worn proudly by the audience. If everyone is using the colour for different reasons, how do you know what side they're on?

As we continue the story we return to the scene with the glitch in the radio and we're starting to see more cracks in the facade. Beer seems to have become a codeword between Marlon and Truman. As they watch the sunset, Truman's comment about going away for a while is a truthful admission to Marlon, while allowing the viewer to believe that it's just another wishful thought about going to Fiji. The scene in the hospital and the amputation is where we start to notice Truman has become bolder sharing his concerns with the viewer.

The following scene where Truman is sitting in his car showing Meryl how everybody goes by over and over again (followed by driving laps around the round about while joking about being spontaneous) reveal that he's known all along that the townspeople have always moved around him like clockwork.

And if he knew the entire time, what was the point of the story? To allow the viewer time to first process and accept the information they were presented with, before being presented with an opportunity to uncover the truth. Truman reached a point where his own well-being was more important than the character he had been portraying to the audience. Those who had seen the signs watched on with anticipation and those that didn’t were left feeling shocked and confused.

There are many more connections throughout the rest of the story I could share with you, but will withhold sharing them now so you can discover more connections for yourself in the future. Our exploration of Truman’s story ends with the realisation that he discovered the truth for himself, and in turn allowed us as the viewer an opportunity to do the same.

Chapter 5 conclusion

It was never my intention to go into so much detail about Truman’s story, but the depth of the layers involved play an integral part in our understanding of the connections to Taylor's story, without needing to speculate on her personal life. Skipping over this much needed context would be like skipping to the answers in the back of the book, (or ruining the ending of the Saw movie) without having the chance to come to your own conclusions first. A lot of the upcoming expedition won't make sense if we don't learn about Truman's life.

When Alice falls down the rabbit hole it’s not a quick descent. It was a slow journey where nothing seemed to be happening as she travelled through layers and layers underground, until all at once she found that she had suddenly landed at the bottom of the rabbit hole.

"I think that it's perfectly reasonable for people to be normal music fans and to have a normal relationship to music, but... if you wanna go down a rabbit hole with us come along, the water's great. Jump in! We're all mad here!!"

Chapter 6

The cracks in the facade

"You just see right through me"

It’s well known that Taylor’s work has long been inspired and influenced by her favourite artists, historical figures, folklore and fairy tales since the very beginning of her career. But what most don’t see is the cracks in the facade of her public persona, and how the facade we see is inspired by the Truman show.

During the delicate performance on the eras tour we see how the themes surrounding the Truman show movie inspired the visuals on the stage. Slowly we see cracks forming in the glass, until at last there's so many cracks the entire thing shatters into tiny pieces. But what causes the cracks? Taylor. At first they appear as she's walking, followed by stomping on purpose and then jumping on the stage to shatter it completely. It's worth considering that the snake patterns on her outfit could also symbolise the lines of the cracked glass. This performance is the reason why I became so interested in learning more about the song.

The story Taylor's been telling us goes much deeper than just the easter eggs if you're willing to look deep enough. To understand why Taylor has referenced the Truman show in such detail with the delicate music video, we also need to consider that she relates to his character on a personal level too. I'm sure by now you've picked up on the similarities between Taylor's life in the spotlight and Truman's role as the star of a show. I'm not the first to pick up on many of the Easter eggs she has left along the way, and there are so many who have put in a lot of hard work to understand Taylor's history that have made my journey here a little easier.

It's long been known that the eras tour poster is a nod to the Truman show. We've known for a while that the stage is a key to the vault. If the era's tour is a part of the story Taylor is telling us, then the Truman show is the script she is reading from. And the actors? She showed us that in the anti-hero music video.

We have the Taylor that's trapped inside the house, the pop star Taylor that knocks at the door, the giant Taylor as well as the dead version of Taylor. If you haven't heard of this concept before you might believe that there's only one version of Taylor, the pop star version. But just like Truman's story, if you look a little deeper you start to see that there's more to the story. The Taylor inside the house and the one knocking on the door represent the private and public versions of Taylor. The dead version is the side of herself she left behind when pop star Taylor took over. And the giant Taylor? Perhaps she's represents the version of who Taylor wanted to be before she became the most famous person of our generation.

In the funeral scene we meet her two sons and daughter in law. Chad, Preston and Kimber might represent the Gaylors, Swifties, and the critics, but they could also represent the best friend, wife and mother. in Truman's story.

We could guess that the director could represent her past and present management, but it’s more likely that Taylor is the director too. After all, who wrote the soundtrack for the story being told?

Before we continue

To see the story being told by Taylor, we need to do so through the lens of queer flagging. If this isn't something you've considered before, I invite you to do so with an open mind. The giant Taylor on the tour visuals is providing us with a glimpse into the consequences of us not seeing the private version of Taylor underneath the pop star persona she's been presenting to the public. There's been a long history of famous couples having a public relationship to protect a private relationship, also known as bearding (similar to a lavender marriage). Looking into the history of queer people such as Chely Wright will give you an insight into why many stay closeted to protect their career. I won't be going into more detail on the PR side of things, so feel free to explore that side of things on your own.

Chapter 7

The Easter eggs

"Every bait and switch was a work of art."

If we know that there's a deeper meaning Taylor is hinting at, what are the clues we need to look for? When Truman told the director that you can't see inside my head, we can assume Taylor is trying to say that you can't see inside her heart. If we compare the lover house to Truman's story, we begin to recognise the facade of the pop star persona.

In the lover music video, we first see the lover house is within a snow globe and our first shot of Taylor is through the peephole. The couple dancing throughout the house seem to be sharing a romantic moment, but the entire experience feels voyeuristic. No rooms off limits as we see them in the bathroom swimming inside of a fish bowl. "Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close, forever and ever?" plays at the same time. It feels like we're asking that of her. It becomes uncomfortable to realise how much we want to have access to every detail of her life. We could also counter that by asking why are we being given so much access to a space that's meant to be private?

Their moments together feel so intimate that it's easy to lose sight of their performance being acted out on a set. The only room that seems to be personal to Taylor is the attic, and it’s just like Truman's basement. If you look closely you can see a similar trunk to the side as she's reminiscing over old pictures on a projector. This song hints at the performance she's been putting on for us and the lover house reveals that it's a facade.

All the little Easter eggs throughout the music video seem like advertisements now that we’ve seen that they advertise memorabilia on the Truman show in a similar way. Other Easter eggs include Taylor’s bauble earrings, her lover has a seahorse patch on his jacket and the board games are Taylor Swift themed.

One of the reasons the house is a facade relates to what we know of her queer identity. Taylor was rumoured to come out as bisexual at the beginning of the lover album release, with the Me! music video. The lover era was full of queer themed easter eggs like rainbows, unicorns and the entirety of the ‘you need to calm down’ music video. This was enough proof for those who were ready and willing to see the queer flagging. But many others don't look into these alternative meanings, and in doing so miss out on seeing any further than the pop star facade. Just before the new album was released Taylor learnt that her masters had been sold and the plan to come out was put on hold. This drastic change in aesthetic and the queer flagging wasn't well received by many fans.

Lets consider for a moment that both the reputation and lover eras had been planned to unfold in the way they did all along. Truman saw the people preventing him from leaving were predictable enough to blindside them when they least expected it. Logically if Taylor knew what the roadblocks were before she left her old record label, she would have known how they would retaliate after she left. So it seems like she started to leave clues that were just subtle enough that most people wouldn't pick up on straight away, but with more context would show that there was a deeper story being told the entire time. Everyone assumed reputation was directed at the critics from her past, but looking back this bait and switch was more of a message about the future and the beginnings of her escape plan.

The contrast between reputation and lover was done on purpose, luring the sale of her masters to happen at what they thought was the peak of her career, leaving her free to move forward with a bigger plan. We could also consider that the contrast between the themes and style of each album was done on purpose to blur the lines between the two.

Midnights and TTPD were supposed to follow lover, but were set back to a later date because of the lockdowns. The benefit of this delay meant we got folklore and evermore as well. The ‘I can see you’ music video shows us that the plan was about getting the masters back all along. We see more references to the Truman show in this music video too. The vault is reminiscent of the moon shaped structure the director worked out of and the getaway van escaped over a bridge, just like Truman did.

The teenage love triangle we hear about on the eras tour is now more meaningful than just a high school crush after seeing Truman’s experience. Taylor originally claimed this was a fictional love triangle, but as she only mentions Betty now it seems like there is more significance to the characters in the story than we first thought. And recently she's started calling herself the narrator of the story too. This feels like a clue that we should consider that she has been showing us her version of events from different perspectives all along.

Chapter 8

The one worth fighting for

"I'm the problem, it's me"

Now that we've explored how Truman's and Taylor's story ended, we can start to unravel the clues of what they were really fighting for all along.

There are many similarities to their story, but a key piece of the puzzle lies within the reflection. Truman's story starts with talking to himself in the mirror. The way he heaves out a long sigh before he turns around and walks away in the first scene begins to tell the story of a layer of frustration under the surface of the person he sees reflected back at him in the mirror. Further into his story after his failed attempt to escape, we see Truman in the bathroom again but this time he isn't talking to himself at first, just staring at the mirror. His demeanour soon changes as he starts drawing the caricature of an alien in a moment of apparent silliness. Yet, if we consider what Truman is thinking and feeling this time, we start to see the loneliness he was feeling the entire time and that the happy facade is just a mask he puts on for the audience.

During the delicate music video, the first time we see Taylor's reflection is in the mirror of her dressing room when she's reading with the shimmering golden note. The way her reflection vanishes is a similar concept to Peter's shadow, with Peter Pan being a frequent reference in Taylor's work. The battle between feeling invisible and enjoying the freedom that comes with Taylor wearing her facade as a mask is shown throughout the music video. The loneliness becomes more apparent during the scene with the older lady in the mirror. We watch on as Taylor's demeanour becomes harder to maintain, a sign that she always felt more isolated than anything else. As Taylor gets onto the train we hear her singing "sometimes when I look into your eyes I pretend you're mine all the damn time." And at the same time she's in in front of the character from the man music video who represents the public persona of Taylor. Her demeanour changes to a look of determination for the first time, and this is when we see that reuniting the public and private versions of themselves is what they're fighting for. And if they're fighting for themselves, the lover we see them longing for then becomes a diversion.

Before we move on, we need to acknowledge that the mask or facade they are wearing acts as a mirror reflecting what the viewer wants to see back at them. Just like Taylor showed us with the visuals of the delicate eras performance, the mask is breakable. Now we know that Taylor's the one breaking down the facade herself, it becomes harmful to refuse to see Taylor for who she really is underneath the pop star persona. And just like with Truman leaving in the end, Taylor has shown us that she's choosing herself now, regardless of the consequences. So we can choose to join her, or sit back in defiance until she walks away.

"It's me, hi

I'm the problem, it's me

At teatime everybody agrees

I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror

It must be exhausting

Always rooting for the anti-hero."

Chapter 9

The great escape

"What if I told you none of it was accidental?”

We've spent all this time weaving Taylor and Truman's story together, and now it's time to pull them apart again so that we can see the version of Taylor's story she’s been telling us.

You might have been wondering what Taylor was alluding to when she was on the Jimmy Fallon show in November 2021?

"And so that's when the Easter eggs started, but when it got out of control was when I started to realise that it wasn't just me that had fun with this, that they had fun with it too. And I should never have learned that, because then I couldn't stop. And then all I started thinking of was how do I hint at things, like, how far is too far in advance? Can I hint at something three years in advance? Can I even plan things out that far? I think I'm gonna try to do it!"

I could spend all day going through the Easter eggs, but there’s one Easter egg in particular I’d like to focus on next.

All of the connections to the Truman show have been leading us to this final clue of the story...

Are you ready for it?

...The man wall.

It's the most talked about Easter egg across all parts of the Swiftie fandom. It's full of potential clues for future vault releases, with many theories on how to decode it. But what if the biggest easter egg of all is actually being used as a bait and switch tactic? A trap set to draw our attention in, that we don't notice the bigger picture?

"When everyone believes ya,

What's that like?

I'm so sick of running as fast as I can"

If you look close enough, you can see a polaroid shaped outline underneath the black karma letters, as if something that was once there has been taken away. Just like the collage picture from the Truman show, this missing piece represents the secret note from the delicate music video. The one piece of evidence that meant something to them, when so much of their lives were full of half truths and lies.

Taylor's song Florida! reflects Truman's dreams of moving to Fiji. Talking about going to Fiji encouraged the director to reveal ways to keep him in town, and we can see that Taylor used her attempts to come out in the same way.

So if Truman's map of Fiji was a disguise for his master plan, is the man wall a disguise for Taylor's master plan too? The wall is made up of tiles and the rerecords are laid out in a shape similar to an infinity symbol or a butterfly. But if you look even closer still, you will see the crack down the middle of the man wall map. It's not just a map forward with the rerecords, but is it concealing the escape route too?

If Taylor's been referencing Truman's story over the years, how do we know that it's because she relates to his character? We won't know for sure if the map is concealing a hidden tunnel.

Unless...

Chapter 10

How did it end?

"I gave so many signs"

...she's showed us her plan over and over and over again!

"You put me on and said I was your favourite."

By hiding the truth in plain sight for all to see, we see yet again that Taylor inner world has been invisible to us since the beginning of her career. She has been telling us a fictional story about a teenage love triangle, meanwhile the music videos have contained one of the biggest Easter eggs of all time.

The story could end here with Taylor living happily ever after, or once again we could dive a little further to see the deeper meaning of the story being told. Here is where I will invite you to consider that the timeline starts with cardigan, delicate and then with willow. This then reveals how the story began, the ways she felt trapped in the lie she was forced to live, how everything changed and then her determination to escape.

The cardigan music video is set in an old cabin, but instead of a whimsical vibe Taylor is dressed more like the Cinderella version of herself in the bejewelled music video. The attic is also a part of the set during the folkmore era of the eras tour. This is the only real piece of the lover house, the rest was burnt away on screen. And just like Truman's story, Taylor is showing us the deeper truth to her story if we're willing to see it. We hear her singing about the cardigan that holds memories of a lost lover. Taylor opens up the lid of the piano and shows us that her music is her secret escape from reality. "I hate it here so I will go to secret gardens in my mind." As the adventure through the woods continues we see her almost drowning in the ocean. "Tried to change the ending, Peter losing Wendy" plays as she's swimming to the piano. Just when all hope is almost lost, she steps through the lid of the piano again and returns back to the cabin. We see her sitting at the piano once more, this time drenched and cold. Taylor wraps herself up in the old cardigan and we're left with one last shot of the silver stars that are embroidered on the sleeve as she composes herself.

The willow music video picks up at the same point that the cardigan music video ended. The only difference is that there's a strand of golden light leading into the lid of the piano. If we compare this to the end of Truman's flashback, we can see that after almost drowning, Taylor has been reminded of something worth fighting for, the moment where everything had changed. Now as she follows the golden thread into the piano lid and through the woods, it's with determination. We're introduced to her lover as she looks at their refections in the river. This is the one worth fighting for. "That's my man." Taylor seems to sign her name in the glow of the tread before diving into the river. A flashback to a younger version of the couple playing in a fort begins, but just as the boy disappears and leaves the younger Taylor alone, we see that he left her hands tied up in the golden tread.

As we return to the present day we start to see reflections of the delicate music video. She steps out from a curtain and into a glass display box with her banjo and begins performing for the crowd, just like Truman did after his failed escape. As the camera zooms out we recognise the location is similar to an old fashioned circus with posters, lights and circus tents set up around her. Just as she's singing "that's my man", the lover from earlier steps forward from the shadows. They reunite through the glass pane, but it feels like the glass case was intentional to keep them apart.

Just as Taylor tries looking for a way to escape, she pulls back the curtain she came through only to find that it's boarded up. She pretends to find a way to get through the glass, only to reveal that she knew there was a trap door underneath her the entire time.

Taylor escapes through the tunnel and enters the scene with the golden orbs. She performs the dance with the group as we hear her singing "every bait and switch was a work of art" before following the golden thread once more. Her lover removes a mask he was wearing to blend in to the crowd. Just like Truman's best friend was secretly in on the escape plan, so too is Taylor's lover. The golden tread leads her through the night, through the piano lid and once more Taylor returns home. Just as she's reached the end of the golden thread she looks up to find her lover waiting there for her. They are reunited once more as he takes her hand. "Every bait and switch was a work of art" repeats once more as they turn and step through the cabin door together, and into the woods.

Chapter 11

Oh we're invisible

"picture of your face in an invisible locket"

The more we revisit Taylor's story, the more we see the deeper layers hidden within. "And so I changed your name and any real defining clues" leads us to consider that Taylor has changed the details surrounding her story and its up to us to decode it.

As we've seen in the delicate music video, Taylor's reflection represents the private version of herself. This alters the meaning behind the willow music video. As we go back again, Taylor is peering into the reflection of the river once more. She's singing "Lost in your current like a priceless wine. The more I say, the less you know. Wherever you stray, I follow. I'm begging for you to take my hand. Wreck my plans, that's my man." When we see him again through the glass in the box, we start to realise that his return is the catalyst for Taylor's escape. Just like Truman's dad's return was the catalyst for his story.

So if the man represents another side of Taylor, the man music video is more than just a commentary on the patriarchy. The man music video is the first song on the eras tour that's available as a music video. The male character is this outgoing person wanting the most out of life, yet we see that he's lost sight of everyone around him. At the end of the video we see another version of Taylor is sitting in the directors chair and realise that Taylor had been the man and the director all along. Taylor's pop star persona is no different to Truman's performance facade. So If all of the moon and black hole references are a codeword for cameras, we can deduce that the man is also putting on a performance. There's even a glimpse of the ma checking himself out in the mirror before he leaves for work with a black hole visible in the reflection.

There's another big connection we still need to make. Why does the man pee on the man wall? Is it a sign of disrespect and refusing to see the private side of Taylor and the history within the rerecords? Is he so caught up in the fame and doesn't want to stop? Our understanding of this scene requires Truman's story to help decipher the meaning behind it. His performance was a bait and switch. The facade he presented after his plan had failed had been on purpose. If everyone thought he was resigned to staying after all, nobody would see his master plan to escape coming.

So the answer to the man wall is that the first bait and switch was also a bait and switch. (Like a double bluff.)

The first bait was the coming out during the lover era and the switch was knowing the enemy would reveal their hand. And the second bait was the rerecords on the lover wall and the masters heist, with the switch being the missing polaroid picture and the hidden version of Taylor. And what's on the polaroid picture? Proof that Taylor is queer. And how do we know that? She's been telling us since the very beginning. "I'm just sitting here planning my revenge", she sings in picture to burn.

The writing on the wall implies that the old Taylor was left behind during the fearless era because it's written in red. Does that mean the old Taylor being dead during reputation was yet another bait and switch? The fearless Taylor was in the vault with the picture of speak now. The 'I can see you' music video reflects the story told in the delicate music video too. "Pass me a note saying "Meet me tonight." Then we can kiss, and you know I won't ever tell"'. Truman's story shows evidence of having help from his best friend to escape, and here we can assume that Taylor played a large role in rescuing herself. We then have to wonder if the picture was actually her reflection in the mirror all along, or metaphotically at least.

Before the story can end, we need to acknowledge that our consumption of Taylor's life has played a part in her private persona feeling trapped. In 'Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus' Taylor talks about about how she "changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules, all to outrun my desertion of you." She killed off the old Taylor, just so that we would stay. "If you want to break my cold, cold heart, just say I loved you the way that you were."

Taylor's uses codewords (ghosts, stars, maroon etc) throughout her discography to conceal her truth in plain sight. Wine is used to show us how her truth has become so watered down that she's lost sight of who she was before.

Chapter 12

The bridge

"I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale"

Not only did Taylor hint at the tunnel being an Easter egg, we hear the lyrics "I come back stronger than a 90's trend" at the exact same time she goes down the tunnel. And which trend is she referencing? the Truman show. Just when you think there's nothing left to solve, the clues just keep coming.

The lockdowns postponed Taylor's plans of coming out, so she had to find a backup plan. That's when we got folklore and evermore. They were both released in 2020 and she just recently combined them as sisters. Taylor's apparent disdain for evermore makes more sense if we consider cardigan represents the folklore album and that willow represents the evermore album. When you join the two halves, they become sisters. How could she love them separately when they were destined to be together?

So if we know that cardigan and willow are inextricably linked, then the golden thread we see her following in both music videos is the thread joining them together. And if it's leading the way to evermore, then the thread creates a bridge. But it's not just any bridge, but it's London bridge. And the concept is all inspired by the Tinkerbell movies.

The series was released in the early 2010's and is based on the character from Peter Pan. Tinkerbell's story is centred around feeling like she doesn't fit in at Pixie Hollow. We can see so many references to Tinkerbell's story in Taylor's work. The themes she touches on, the Easter eggs, even her philosophy and determination. If you look close enough, I think we might find that the clocks, stars, bird cages, tea cups, rainbows, car and doll house can all be references to the series. And lets not forget the karma coffee cup and clock too. Both the golden thread and the orbs are created with pixie dust in Pixie Hollow, but the key for it to work is that you have to believe.

And here is where we discover that "every bait and switch was a work of art." The ending of the Truman show was really a trap all along, with the door coming down during the karma performance used as a distraction. The real ending was about rescuing and then reuniting the sisters, the private and public versions of Taylor. The secret to this was in the seasons. Tinkerbell and the great fairy rescue is all about spring and summer, just like folklore. And then Tinkerbell the secret of the wings is all about fall and winter, just like evermore. The shift that occurs between these two movies is the first one is about wanting others to believe in you, and the second is about learning to believe in yourself. We can't forget the third part of the love triangle though, Tinkerbell and the lost treasure. And then Tinkerbell and the secret of the wings might just be the epilogue to the story.

"Just because you've never seen a fairy, doesn't mean they're not real!"

"Now, Lizzy, seeing is believing, and without proof, it's just a fairytale."

"You don't have to understand,

you just have to believe."

A big theme in Tinkerbell and the great fairy rescue is a difficulty communicating. As she befriends a girl who loves fairies, they use clues and symbols to communicate. Something both queer and neurodivergent are familiar with, communicating differently to the majority. I believe that's a big reason why the majority of Taylor's identify with either or both of those, and why a lot of us see the same traits in Taylor.

All of the connections we made to Truman's story are still important now, but there's one correction I'd like to make in light of the Tinkerbell references. The lover house. "Dear reader, burn all the files, desert all your past lives." I believe Taylor burnt down the lover house from the lover era, but the house we've had since folklore reunited is now the fairy house. What once was a facade is now a safe haven.

Chapter 13

The tortured poet

"The professor said to write what you know, looking backwards might be the only way to move forward."

There has been many connections made so far that link songs from the tortured poets department to previous eras, and I believe this is intentional. If we examine Taylor’s work from a muse-less perspective we can see more connections to the story. If we take a look at the tortured poets department summation you will see it's inviting us to look back to find the answers. Tinkerbell helped create a book in the third movie as a way to communicate the truth of the fairies. So if midnights and TTPD had been the plan all along, then dear reader and the manuscript become bookends for Taylor's story.

We're now left with only one question left unanswered.

What was the conversation that lead Taylor to change everything?

"People often greatly underestimate me on how much I'll inconvenience myself to prove a point…"

I never expected to be answering this question, but what's one more revelation when we've already discovered so much? I won't go into detail on this, but if we know that Taylor changes the pronouns and the details to hide her truth in plain sight, then you can begin to uncover the deeper layers to see the story she's been telling us over and over again.

This is Taylor's version of a book she has hidden inside her work...

"All too well"

Dear reader

An upstate escape

The first crack in the glass

Are you real?

The breaking point

(Champagne problems)

The reeling

The remembering

Thirteen years gone

The manuscript

The epilogue

If we look back at the aesthetic of the lover era, it reveals the plan was laid out from the beginning. The false coming out was intentional so the master sale wouldn't disrupt the grand plan. But it was also an opportunity for Taylor to leave the clues for those who could hear her truth. The me rainbow shows us the bridge between the two sisters, and the butterfly is how they will reunite. We've all been waiting with bated breath to see what comes next. But then again, we saw it all play out in the fortnight music video.

Taylor has hinted at bridges during the eras tour, but the once place we haven't looked for one is on the man wall. Looking back we can see there's a teal blue and green bridge across the top of the wall. Debutation perhaps? Have we been so focused on the the map that we haven't seen that the bridge/tunnel was hiding in plain sight ? It's always looked like it was just another part of the wall. The man gets married 58 years later. There's also the train station connection to the man and Taylor from the delicate music video. Did he take the missing polaroid picture at some point and we're going back to see how he did it? Just like we figured out that Truman had planned his escape all along, Taylor is showing us that she's breaking the glass on purpose and these music videos are outlining her plan to do it.

And the eras tour is still the key. If the lost treasure is the masters heist of the rerecords, it's happening each night with the surprise songs. Adding TTPD to the setlist was an intentional distraction from the reunion that occurred when the folkmore sisters merged on the setlist for the first time in Paris. All that's left is to cross the final bridge when the tour returns to London and I think Travis has an integral part to play in that during the folkmore set. And when the two sides of Taylor reunite?

Her version of the collage picture.

"Like a rainbow with all of the colours."

🌈

Conclusion

Every bait and switch truly was a work of art.

To finish off with a fairytale reference, Taylor's ability to be leave a Hansel and Gretel style trail of breadcrumbs through the forest has led us to gingerbread house full of Easter eggs. Her ability to weave together such complex layers of connections over many years without being detected is going to be a legacy to rival the success we've seen within her music career. The way she has weaved both the stories of Truman and Tinkerbell throughout her career is truly worthy of the mastermind title.

The stylistic connections to the Truman show felt like a significant piece of the puzzle. Throughout this process I never expected to stumble so far down the rabbit hole that I feel like I'm left holding the golden ticket in Charlie and the chocolate factory, when I relate more to his grandparents in real life. Taylor's work has provided a deep sense of comfort and reassurance in the midst of a chronic illness relapse that left me bed bound. I've been a huge fan since the begging, but have also stayed because of the community I've found within both the swiftie and gaylor side of the fandom. I never would have come to find all of these connections if it wasn't for the hard work everyone else has put in before I came along.

I recommend going back and watching Taylor's interview with Jimmy Fallon during the release of Red TV. The box of lies skit is worth a watch too, Jimmy Fallon's reaction is exactly how I felt seeing all of these connections come together.

The story Taylor has been showing us was never a revelation of her muses, but a slow unravelling of her experience as a famous person who has had very little privacy throughout her life. She's giving us a peak behind the curtain and allowing us to see who she really is beyond the larger than life character we've all built her up to be.

All I hope for is that Taylor chooses herself in the end.

"All's fair in love and poetry"

Sincerely, a now very tortured poet,

Kylie x

🧡

Tortured poet credentials: I've been a huge fan of Taylor Swift since 'love story' was released in Australia and became a Swiftie following the release of Midnights. I began catching up on the parts of her discography I was less familiar with earlier this year, and then in the midst of a severe M.E. relapse I began to dive deeper into her work. 'Soon you'll get better' has been a comfort and lifeline along the way. I became a Gaylor not long after TTPD was released, as certain songs such as 'but Daddy I love him' didn't make sense to me at the time for someone my age to be singing about. Listening to TTPD with the context of a female muse, as well as the new visuals on the eras tour, added some much needed context to the story being told. I came for the music, but stayed for the community during a time in my life where I felt more 'invisible' than ever.

If you've made it this far, thank you for reading x

[oleskyfm]

Rolled credits on Mass Effect (2007) with some minor mods and the aid of the Legendary Edition. My first playthrough since 2016. This was my favorite of the series, and I've got to go through 2 and 3 now to affirm this, but I'm pretty sure it still is. Some assorted #thots:

My playthrough clocked in at exactly 23 hours according to my final save. Lean and mean.. what a marvel! I don't think RPGs have to be any length, long or short - what matters is the pacing. (Fallout 1 can be comfortably beaten in ~15 hours, New Vegas can take anywhere from 10-60 - both are triumphs.)

ME is the last game Bioware put out before being moved under the banner of EA. I thought about this observation I saw once, made in the furor of ME3's launch, where people compared the credits of each game and noted that very little of the team that did 1 went on to do 2, and even less of 3, etc. Today, pretty much none of those people work at Bioware anymore in the wake of Veilguard and Anthem and EA's layoffs. It remains to be seen whether or not the next Mass Effect - of which we know very little of and is still in pre-production despite being announced in 2020 - will ever see the light of day.

ME is one of the last Bioware games to fit into their comfortable, classic formula and structure. This is still so far and away from what they'd established for themselves as one of the forebearers of popular western RPGs.. and yet ME2 and ME3 still manage to narrow the scope down even further, trim away even more and dilute the games into being an action game first, RPG second. ME1 is flawed and compromised in many of its systems, whether that's inventory management or the exploration of its worlds and the Mako.. but I don't think the answer was to do away with these systems entirely. I'll save the thoughts on 2 for when I'm done with that game - maybe a new playthrough after almost a decade away from it will give me different perspective, anyway.

I played this game when it came out in 2007 as a punk-ass 11 year old who didn't know dirt. I come back to it as a miserable 28 year old who knows a little more. Pretty funny the difference nearly two decades can make.. this game was developed and put out in the Bush era, the War on Terror, where Jack Bauer from 24 was commonly referenced in developer interviews as a touchstone and man does it show sometimes.

The implementation of the conversation wheel here is just as frustrating as it was back then, if not more. I tried to pick more renegade options than I usually did only to be hit with Shepard saying something wildly out of pocket because the little three-word choice did not convey what the actual line was gonna be at all. Reading pre-release interviews of this game with developers suggested that they viewed the wheel as a cinematic marvel - finally! You won't have to read a bunch of text, you can just sit back and enjoy the good stuff.. or so the intended sentiment was hoped to be. Big misfire. It's bad in Cyberpunk, it's worse in Fallout 4.. Dragon Age got a little closer, if only because they eschewed 'paragon/renegade' with tone indicators - but I can't help but grouse and groan and just wish they'd put the full line of dialogue there for you to savor it. I think developers could stand to have more confidence in their players with this stuff and we didn't have to lose as much as we did all in the pursuit of streamlining things.

It's a shame how little you really get to do much of anything with your companions. It dawned on me this time around that the most common form of squad banter - akin to the dialogue you'd hear just wandering around with your party in Dragon Age - is relegated to small chats in the elevator on the Citadel. Ashley and Kaiden are the only two you can regularly check in on after each mission both for a little more of their personal story as well as their thoughts on the actual mission. All 'loyalty/companion/personal' quests are paper-thin and over in less than five minutes, and most of your party has nothing new to say by the halfway mark of the game. Garrus and Tali get by surely on the strength of their vibes and aura and knowledge of where they go in the next two games.. because there is so little to grasp onto in this game for them. Poor Tali has it worst of all - each companion offers a little window into the setting, smoothly (mostly) delivering exposition for some part of the universe alongside their own flavor. Tali has to pull double-duty serving as the sole Quarian of this game + its representation AND a lot about the Geth and has precious little left for herself.

On a similar note.. you really feel the lack of proper interpersonal relations between the crew - it exists, but it's scant, clumsy, and not equal. It's fun seeing your party gather around for a debrief after each mission, but again - with few exceptions, only Ashley, Kaidan, and Liara ever have anything to say in these moments. Input from your crew is mostly just flavor and one-line bark/reacts in conversations - interjections that don't change anything..

Liara is on you almost immediately, it's hilarious. Romance in this series is ........ well ..... I should go.

I'm willing to put my life on the line for this one. Ashley is NOT that bad. There's definitely some clunky and straight up bad lines she's given, but she actually manages to have something resembling an arc in this game, has just as great of a VA as the rest of the companions, offers an interesting perspective and counterbalance that you can begin to shift more towards your way if you see fit .. yes, she's prejudiced - so is almost every other companion, barring Kaidan and Liara. She offers friction, something I find vital and enjoyable in a good RPG party. .. That said, I sacrificed her on Virmire this time because I usually sacrificed Kaidan and, frankly, I don't enjoy what they do with her in 2 and especially 3. It's not your fault, Ash. I like your concept art. If you were bi, I might actually have to flip a coin whether or not I go for Liara or you.

The music.. oh, the music. The music is so, so so good.

Despite it all... regrettably.. I have such a fondness for this setting. This world. These characters.

[centrally-unplanned]

In my previous post around "ignoring election victories as events-in-themselves" we were memeing about it being a subtweet of Richard Hanania, but as I mentioned at the end it really isn't. And for a bonus reason, he doesn't make that mistake! He has a very explicit theory about "why Trump winning itself won't change the party":

This is an argument, fair enough! But I think it is a pretty bad one. The intellectual journey for this is, imo, the way that Trump beat all of his challengers in the post-2024 environment. People seemed to copy his playbook, he had halfheartedly launched a failed coup, and yet none of it was enough to beat him. It made a lot of people think, "oh, this guy is magic. No one can replace Trump"

The key weakness of this reason is that, yeah, no one can replace Trump - because Trump still exists? He was president. And he is still running for office! That is, in fact, quite normal for how loyal followers work. For them nothing has changed, why would they change? Trump's coalition is definitely not as bright as Obama's coalition so he gets a more extreme version of it, but Obama is still getting glowing reviews and polls well almost a decade out from his presidency era from typical voters. People are naturally sticky this way, it is how we work.

There certainly is more to it - Trump's 2020 lie definitely gave him a sort of narrative throughput to justify extended support for example - but you really don't need more, because this factor goes away when Trump dies. Which he will, pretty soon. And meanwhile what Trump's core wants is probably not going to go away (particularly because it is pretty incoherent). The idea that they will simply be incapable of elevating someone else to the same position is extreme Great Man Theory Brain.

A lot of this buys into this notion of 4D Chess Mastermind Trump but for political charisma, but that is silly. He is a perfectly talented politician in some respects, a charismatic guy, don't get me wrong. But he isn't like a savant; he constantly does weird, alienating shit, and is much worse this campaign as his age is showing. There just isn't any big mystery to why he succeeded (beyond the inherent mysteries of all causation): he was famous and also very committed to being a big liar who gunned for the obvious Republican weaknesses. He was happy telling a motivated base he truly understood their nativist impulses, while promising mainstream Republicans normality and his commitment to things like abortion. Shockingly few Republicans were actually willing to just Come Out And Say It like he did - like really, you can find barely anyone in 2016 who does it.

And meanwhile, Trump is not a popular politician! He isn't at 50/50 because he ran a good campaign, he ran an awful campaign. He is just up against an incredibly unpopular incumbent in a world where incumbents in every country are losing every election. Nikki Haley would have easily done better. A big part of Trump's hand-picked down-ballot candidates doing badly is that he just chose fucking awful ones because he is a dumbass. They weren't awful because they were radicals; they were bad politicians, with ludicrous weaknesses and poor skillsets. What "magic" is there to capture here? The next leading Republican politician will likely do much better than him, unburdened by all his terrible baggage and off-putting behavior.

A next leader who will be leading a party that has now been shaped and molded into one far more comfortable with authoritarianism as a solution to policy gridlock. Maybe they won't value that! Fair, I think that is possible, and even likely. Most people are just generally decent people, and voters generally find this brand off-putting. But saying that it can't happen is complete folly. And we have a laundry list of leading Republicans who have openly embraced election denial to juice those odds, and voters who love to punish incumbents for this-or-that problem of the day.

IMO this is cope, building up Trump to be something far more special than he is. Voters just like authoritarian policies sometimes, and courting that isn't magic. It alas be that way.

[vulturesrottencorpse]

autism isn't silly

titles self explanatory. I just wanna rant BC recently tiktok has been making disabilities very much more known (since around 2020)

One of the most "popular" of these disabilities are autism and also ADHD. Of course theirs others ppl are idolizing (Tourette's, bpd, DID, ect) But I don't have any of those so I can't really speak on that.

What I do have (diagnosed at least,) is autism, ADHD, anxiety and depression, some of the most popular and idolised disabilities on tiktok.

No, autism isn't "silly sharks dinosaurs hyperfixations!! Super smart and silly and funny!!". ADHD isn't "haha silly can't focus so energetic!!" Depression isn't "omg I'm so emo and sad nobody gets me" and anxiety isn't "oh I don't like talking to people and I can't keep my hands still"

This should be obvious but it's so often out like this that it's making me pissed.

And then theres people who'll tell you "autism/adhd isn't a disability it's a super ability!" Which invalidates your struggles. Yeah, I know some niche facts about fish and dinosaurs, I also don't know how to socialise with anybody on my own, I lay in bed all day and do nothing as hours pass by no matter how much I want to get up I just can't. I can't focus on anything unless it interests me even if I know I have to. I am constantly excluded from social groups because people either find me annoying/weird or too quiet and boring. I'm constantly depressed because I'm so lonely yet I'm too terrified to actually reach out and make new connections so I can't *stop* being lonely. I'm self aware about all my problems so therapists can't do much other than say "well you're very self aware" or "have you tried setting Alarms?". It is a constant cycle that goes on and on. And then I get told that all of this is a "superpower?" It's a disability. It disables me from doing things neurotipical people can do. Just because I might be good at picking up rhythm or naming a few facts about animals doesn't mean my autism/ADHD is some gift from the heavens. It sucks. It's made my life so hard but every time I try to explain it to someone they don't understand. Or they think they do, but they don't. Because it's impossible to describe this to someone without autism without them going "oh, well that's normal" because they've experienced it from time to time, but when I tell them the way I experience it is 5x worse for me, they say I'm exaggerating, that I need to toughen up, that it's "just how the world works".

I'm honestly sick of being treated like I'm not human. Like I don't have feelings that get hurt, like I don't have bad experiences or things that can ruin my life. Because autism is treated as some silly little personality trait. It's not. It's a fucking disability

Btw acoustic isn't funny. Stop

[marvel-rhapsody]

The Scoops Troop | Steve Harrington x reader

The Scoops Troop | Steve Harrington x reader

Warnings: written with fem!reader in mind, but I think it can be read as gender-neutral, bad writing tbh, not proofread,

Word Count: 2,000+

🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙

It's a warm summer day when you stroll into Starcourt Mall. You've already lost count of how many times you've walked the stores of the mall despite it only being open for a short period of time. It just goes to show at how little Hawkins has to do for a teenager, well, anyone really.

The mall is crowded, as it is every time you've been here so far. The crowds are everywhere, barely any walkway available. 

The place you're heading towards, Scoops Ahoy, sits on the bottom floor with the rest of the food court. There are so many options to choose from, a lot more than what Hawkins used to offer. Benny's and the singular bar in town could only get a person so far. 

Your best friend, Robin, secured a job at Scoops Ahoy at the end of April, just in time for school to let out and summer to start. 

She's been trying to get you to come by when Steve Harrington is working with her. She claims that he's lost all ability to successfully ask a girl out. All those years as the proclaimed "king" has finally come to an end.

But little did she know that you liked him during those years. Even though he was a complete asshole, you still wanted him. Somewhere, behind all the popularity, there was a decent guy. Someone that Steve could finally become after graduating and getting away from all the stuck-up kids he was used to hanging out with. 

Steve is working the front counter when you walk in. 

"Ahoy there..." he says with a dejected sigh. "Would you like to set sail on this ocean of flavor with me? I'll be your captain, um, Steve Harrington."

You stifle a laugh, and answer with, "I think I'll try Cherry Jubilee today, captain." 

Steve blushes a deep red and scoops the ice cream quickly. You hand him the money.

"Keep the change." 

He nods his head and rushes to the door that leads to the designated break room. A few seconds later, your blonde-headed friend comes through the same door. 

"That was awful, right?" Robin asks with a smirk. 

You shrug. "It could've been worse.. I didn't hate it."

"So, point for Steve?" his voice travels in from the window that's in the wall separating the store from the break room. 

Robin shakes her head. "Didn't secure a date, dingus." 

Steve groans.

"To be fair, you never asked," you chime in.

"Are you serious?" both Steve and Robin ask at the same time, their tones varying. 

You shrug. "Wouldn't hurt to ask, Steve..." 

🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙

Two weeks pass before Steve can take a night off for your date. 

He takes you to a quaint diner just outside of Hawkins. You've never been, but Steve claims it's the best, so you take his word for it. 

"What do you recommend?" you ask, skimming over the menu the waiter gave you.

"Can't go wrong with a bacon cheeseburger..." Steve replies. He hasn't taken his eyes off of you, but you have yet to notice. 

You set the menu down on top of his unused one. "Bacon cheeseburger  it is."

Steve flags the waiter down and orders for the two of you. The food doesn't take long to get to the table, despite it being a crowded Friday night. You eat in silence for the most part, a compliment on the food comes out a couple times. 

"You know," Steve starts, tossing his used napkin on top of his empty plate, "I'm surprised you agreed to a date..."

"Really? Honestly, I've always had a thing for you... Even as "King" Steve," you reply. "I know you were kind of an asshole in school, but Robin kept insisting that you were different. Claimed you couldn't get a date to save your life. So, I had to see for myself. I'm definitely not regretting showing up that day." 

Steve has a grin on his face. "You liked me in school? I never--"

"Of course you didn't know, Steve. We ran in different circles... I was one of the band geeks; still am, actually. But somehow, I knew that you weren't the guy everyone made you out to be... Those people you hung out with...sucked."

Steve doesn't reply. He doesn't know what to say. He's never had someone outside his little friend group say anything like that. But you could see the true him; the one away from all the hustle and bustle of the rich kids and their respective families. 

"Yeah, I know... They were all I knew.. I had made too much of a bad name for myself to try to find different friends.. But I'm glad that you can see the real me; the one who actually tries to be better." 

The waiter comes by with the check, and Steve insists on paying for your meal, too. You toss some cash onto the table as a tip and follow Steve out to his car. 

"Care for some Scoops Ahoy ice cream? I happen to know the best employees that place has to offer." 

"I would love some ice cream, captain." 

🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙

The mall is pretty quiet tonight, which is surprising until you realize that it's 30 minutes until closing. 

"Dingus, your friend is here," Robin says as she sees you and Steve walk in. 

Dustin Henderson is sitting at a booth near the counter, anxiously waiting for Steve to come by. 

You chat with Robin as Steve talks to Dustin for a few minutes. 

"I intercepted a secret Russian code!" Dustin yells out. 

Your head whips around to look at the duo sitting in the booth. 

"What are you on about?" Robin asks. 

"Nothing, he's just being weird..." Steve says, cooly. 

He and Dustin go back into a huddle, whispering quietly between themselves. 

Robin and you look at each other, and shrug before going back to our conversation. 

A little while later, Steve comes up and offers to take you home. The ride is quiet, but comfortably so. 

He walks you to your front door, his hands sitting in his front pockets. 

"I, uh, had a good time tonight... and sorry for kind of ditching you at Scoops..." Steve says, one hand reaching up to rake through his hair. 

"Don't worry about it... I had a good time, too..." you say. "I'd like to do it again sometime, honestly."

Steve shoots you a big grin. 

You reach up and kiss his cheek before unlocking your front door.

"Goodnight, Steve..." 

"Yeah, goodnight, (y/n)."

🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙

A few days later, you get a call from Robin.

"So, remember at Scoops the other night, when Dustin was there?" 

"Yeah, Robs, what about it?"

"Now he and Dustin are hiding in the break room and listening to some recording over and over again... I think the little dude actually found a Russian code..." she says. "So, want to come help translate?" 

"I don't know Russian, Robin..." 

"Neither do any of us, but it'll be fun! I'll see you soon, bye!" 

A dial tone rings through the phone, indicating that Robin hung up before you could reply. 

You grumble to yourself as you get turn off the tv and pick yourself up off the couch. You rush to your room and change out of your lounge clothes and into something more suitable for the mall. 

You grab your keys and bag before letting your parents know where you're going. The ride to the mall doesn't take too long. It's pretty late already, almost 8 o'clock. The parking lot is fairly empty, maybe 30 cars are occupying spaces. You head inside and towards Scoops.

"The week is long, the silver cat feeds when blue meets yellow in the west..." Robin's voice carries through the open window from the break room.

"You know," you say, leaning against the door, "if this is really a secret code, you should probably be whispering so everyone in the mall can't hear you."

The trio huddled around the table jumps in unison.

You wave at them before dropping your bag onto a chair. 

"Hi," Steve says, catching your gaze. 

"Hi, Steve."

"I'm Dustin," the boy speaks.

"(y/n), nice to meet you, Dustin." 

He grins. "You're the one Steve likes, right? The one that was here with him the other night?"

Steve smacks his arm with an exasperated look on his face. 

"Unless he's picked up another date since then, yes... That was me," you laugh. 

"Only you, sweetheart." 

They go back to the recording of the code and continue to decode the message. 

"That one is trip and then China and then something nice?" Steve says, looking at the translation dictionary. 

You take the book from his hands, flipping through the pages. 

"A trip to China sounds nice if you tread lightly," you say. 

"The week is long. The silver cat feeds when blue meets yellow in the west. A trip to China sounds nice if you tread lightly." Dustin reads the final product. "What the hell does that even mean?"

Robin looks around the room, and her eyes widen. She rushes out of the break room and out to the lobby of the mall. 

You all rush after her. 

"The silver cat is the delivery company, a trip to China is the restaurant, tread lightly is the show store...When blue meets yellow in the west..." she pauses before turning her gaze to the clock that hangs on the wall. "The clock hands are blue and yellow.... So west must mean 9 o'clock?"

🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙

Everything had, honestly, gone to shit. The plan the four of you hatched out has gone downhill. Dustin and yourself, along with Erica Sinclair, who you really should not have brought into this, are trying to find a way to get back to the outside world. Steve and Robin have been drugged with something, and now Russians are chasing you in the labyrinth underneath the mall. 

You finally make it back to the elevator that got you into this mess, and use the keycard you swiped off one of the Russians to get you back to the surface. 

"Do they seem drunk to you?" Dustin asks. 

"They were drugged, Dustin... We need to make sure they don't kill themselves." 

The elevator doors open revealing the delivery zone outside the mall. You grab onto Steve's arm while Dustin and Erica take Robin. The five of you rush to the back hallways of the mall and run toward the movie theater. 

"This is probably the safest place we can hide... Lots of people are in here, hopefully they won't make a scene," Dustin says, leading everyone inside. 

There are three empty seats at the right side of the front of the theater, so you sit with Steve and Robin while Dustin and Erica head towards the left side.

"I feel sick..." Steve says, and Robin quickly agrees. They both get up and rush back out of the theater, with you hot on their heels. 

They go into the bathroom and into separate stalls as the drugs finally start to leave their system. After a few minutes, you finally speak. 

"You guys aren't dead, are you?"

You hear a huff from the stall Steve went into. "I think I'm good... Robin?"

"I'm good, too." 

🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙🍦💙

The Russian portal is now destroyed, along with part of the mall. 

You find Steve sitting at the back doors of an ambulance, an ice pack pressed to his head. 

"You know, when you first asked me on a date, I didn't know you dealt with alternate dimension monsters..." 

He snorts. "Yeah, that really gets all the ladies... I'm sorry we got you into this mess..." 

You reach over and push the hair that fell over his face out of the way.

"It's not like you knew this would happen, Steve. I'm just glad we survived..." 

"I really like you, by the way. And this isn't the drugs talking, it isn't the adrenaline talking... It's just me..." 

You grin at him. "I like you, too, Steve... and I would really like it if you could be my boyfriend, maybe? What better time and place to ask, huh?"

Steve stands from the ambulance, dropping the ice pack inside. He reaches towards you and cups your face in his hands before pressing his lips to yours. His split lip feels like it's throbbing to him, but he'd risk everything to kiss you again.

[hollow-lime-green]

I think you summed it up pretty well for jjk, that Gege had a lot of great ideas with poor execution because most plot points/character beats weren't well thought out. But for me, the biggest problem was the lack and/or complete disregard of character development, interaction, and depth (there's also little to no emotional beats and emotional depth, too, but that's a separate argument). I can't believe the manga has ended with a lot of characters - MAIN characters - being one note, one dimensional, concluding their character arcs exactly how they began, or not concluding their character arcs at all. I would even go one step further and say that jjk has a whole lot of plot devices that happen to have names (like Megumi and Nobara), meanwhile, there are about 5 real characters. All this tells me is that somewhere along the way, Gege stopped caring about his characters, and that's a cardinal sin for any author to make. Because if the author doesn't care about their own characters, why should the readers? And they don't care about the characters, why should they care about the story? And that's where I find myself (actually, I've felt like this for over a year now). Liking or hating the ending of jjk or the series in general are way too strong of emotions to attribute to how I feel. I'm simply indifferent, which I believe to be worse than outright hating it. I've lost the love I had for this series, but hating it takes too much energy and is honestly a waste of my time.

Still, like anything else, this is nothing fanfic can't fix. So, there's that, I guess…

All in all, I hope that the ending doesn't deter you or any other fanfic writers who also didn't like the ending from finishing their ongoing fanfics. Despite me not really caring about jjk anymore, I'm still very much invested in your stsg fic and can't wait for the next chapter! 😊

yeah, well said.

to be honest, i'm not super affected by the ending. i watched jjk s1 because it was popular and felt very nothing about it. i never bonded with the younger cast, and that is true even now. i started reading around maybe july of last year? and still, i felt a whole lot of nothing until 236. the first time around, gojo's past arc actually did nothing for me. it wasn't until 236 that I was like "wait is there something here?" i didn't have a lot of love to begin with, so i didn't have a lot to lose.

then i went back and reread, read fanfic, and began to get invested in stsg. and then, because I'm a redditor, I began to read some of the theorycrafting stuff and got invested in that too. jjk is kind of like star wars for me. I like the world, but I am somewhat uninterested in the Main Story that people have chosen to tell in it. (which is why games like KOTOR and extended universe stuff are so good and cool to me)

FIYM is certainly safe from the ending, because I'm simply doing something different. clearly i have never cared about what gege thinks his mechanics/universe rules are, because I am simply rewriting them all. if I do lose steam on it, it'll be because of real life/energy or the very scary and realistic possibility that the fandom starts to decay with time and I can't finish it while I still have active cheerleaders. i hope that doesn't happen, but I've experienced it before.

ending thoughts -

I actually do like the power of friendship ending and I kind of was hoping that we would get something like this, IF it was paced well, which it wasn't. and it needed more 'break the cycle' energy. and it needed a lot of people to die. (if i'm writing jjk, 100% yuta is doomed. he is yuki 2.0.). with the pacing we got, I was hoping for a brutal twist. when gege announced 5 chapters left, my brother asked me if I thought it could end well in that time, and i think i said something along the lines of "no, definitely no, 0% chance, absolutely not". and yet I was still somehow surprised.

there's so much setup on the themes of love, sacrifice, and enlightenment (letting go of attachment), and gege fumbled hard on the pacing to convey any coherent message about any of it. there are so many endings that would have worked and what we got was not one of them, but again I think largely due to the pacing and priority.

i think that gege does care about his characters, but he doesn't know what to do with them, and specifically when to kill them.

I think nobara is great and I like how she goes out as a cost of her ambition/bravery. leave it there, greg.

I think yuta is great and i like how he goes out trying to turn himself into a monster to save his friends. kill him, greg.

I think it is understandable to lose hope after you lose and kind of kill your sister and everything is hopeless and you take 200 years of brain damage. tragedy is GOOD, greg.

higuruma did enough, kusakabe did enough, let them sacrifice like choso! fights have a cost, greg, this goes with your theme of adult vs child responsibilities, GREG.

Gege actually had a lot of good character arc concepts imo, but because he is allergic to strong, definitive writing choices, he cheapened and undid some of those arcs, and that is disappointing. but I think when you look at gojo, geto, yuta, and (maybe hot take) mai, there's a great character writer hiding in there. he's just being held hostage by the worst storyboarding/planning you've ever seen in your life.

also yuuji shouldn't have been the mc, he is by far the least interesting main cast character of jjk, and I think a large part of why the last 20ish chapters were so... like that, is that gege wrote himself into a massive corner trying to make yuuji feel like an appropriate choice/power match for the final battle (and he still failed)

which, by the way, is crazy, because you could still do the same ending thematically without trying to powerlevel yuji with replacement training and all that bs. like, this is fantasy greg. if you were going to give yuuji a domain expansion anyway then his domain expansion can just be winning the battle through friendship lol

[rxttenfish]

okay so multiple big updates for everyone

first of all this is a really bad spell and will probably be for some time yet. for those not in the know, i live with my parents still on account of being disabled and unemployed, and i'm the fun kind of disabled where i end up in spells where i can't walk or function but still everyone insists that i can't be disabled and i'm making it up and faking it. as you can imagine, this means no treatment for said disability. we also cannot drive due to multiple reasons, and because we live rurally, that means we can neither work nor go anywhere at all to begin with without someone to drive us.

this has led into an ongoing food issue where my parents will refuse to obtain or make food that i can eat, something which is again pretty limited on account of food being something i have both sensitivities about and probably an eating disorder? it's complicated. which means i'm now going through spells where i don't eat for sometimes multiple days, and what does end up being eaten is neither good nor substantial. i don't think anyone can really help with this, unfortunately. i'll try to take on more commissions to try and build up some money to buy food with as my main strategy. donations through the ko-fi link are appreciated but not necessary.

furthermore, my family refuses to turn on the AC until we're well into summer, so i've been constantly way too hot and without any good way to cool down. i seem to be more sensitive to heat than everyone else in the household, so i'm notably handling it worse than everyone else.

what this does mean is that i'm in an absolutely terrible mood all of the time and not going to be very social nor creative. no spoons for either of those things, and most of that energy is going to go towards comms.

secondly, i've gotten really out of monster prom. i've seen the newest trailer and i felt absolutely nothing at it. nothing coming out of it is promising, and even the new liam material that i could get excited about feels tarnished and worse than what already existed. the writing feels different, the characters feel different, and it's missing the character connections and sincere friendships that drove me to monster prom in the first place. i do not think i will be playing the new game.

moreso, considering the way the series has drifted over time, i do not think i'm interested in the world of monster prom either. the lore has gotten noticeably worse, especially in their attempts to make it all fit together, i won't lie.

ultimately, i think the path going forward would be more akin to making ocs out of all the older character personalities and dynamics that i loved to begin with, and severing my ties with monster prom proper.

thirdly, i have not been in the mood for fandom in general either. it might be one of the bad spells, where i can't feel pleasure or happiness at all, and it might be one of the bad spells where it feels like no one is speaking the same language as me and i can't understand anyone. or it could be the fact that i've gotten less and less tolerant of constant jokes and joking and an inability to take anything seriously, which might also be a part of the bad spell to begin with. either way, my tolerance for fandom right now is basically nonexistent. i'm probably going to start blacklisting some popular fandoms and i do not want them brought up when talking about unrelated subjects. likewise, avoid sending me asks that are too jokey or ironic or what have you.

i have been in the midst of an ongoing psychotic episode as well, so i'd appreciate some understanding in why i might not be very nice lately or very easy to talk to.

[southshoretides]

Type of Guy Who Fears The Void

On the object level, I think this DeBoer piece correctly identifies a certain type of person (aging white man who self-consciously and showily hates all aging-white-guy pop culture in favor of trying to stay hip), but as the commenters implicitly/explicitly point out, that type of guy is concentrated among the east-coast-grad-educated-tastemaker-social-media-part-time-writer set, i.e. Freddie's milieu, which he often tricks himself into believing is the only milieu in the world. Go to any bar in the Midwest and poll the natives on BTS-vs-Pearl Jam and you'll get different results. (Freddie is of course interminably contrarian relative to whatever his local milieu is, and if fate had brought him to Kansas instead of Brooklyn, he'd be the most red-tribe-hating, pining-for-Brooklyn's-loving-embrace guy on the internet.)

But the meta level of "People recognize that the world naturally puts them in stereotypical boxes and either fight to escape that or wholeheartedly embrace it" is something I think about a lot. That first paragraph was all about different Types of Guy, and that's all it is these days, isn't it? Type of guy, type of guy, type of guy. A whole generation of internet-raised autists can pinpoint your political beliefs based on how you dress or what kind of car you drive. "Guy who makes youtube videos while driving his SUV and wearing wraparound sunglasses" is a different type of guy than "Guy who insists that Carly Rae Jepsen is the best songwriter of the 2010s" but they are politically and culturally opposite Types of Guy, even though there's no rule that says Democrats can't drive SUVs or Republicans can't like Carly Rae Jepsen. But the trend-lines are strong enough that people notice anyway.

@max1461 occasionally gripes about how quickly and thoughtlessly people transpose is-statements with ought-statements, or in other words, take objective factual data about something and try to force it into a prefab narrative. And it certainly is annoying, but to an extent it's like making fun of cavemen for thinking every rustle of grass is a tiger. That's what their environment is giving them, and it's what their brains adapt for. What our environment is giving us is an endless parade of people who eagerly and effusively promote their political and cultural opinions, and eagerly and effusively identify those opinions with such and such group, so no wonder it's so easy for even an amateur to unearth a Type of Guy. No wonder you can look at someone with a Roman-statue avatar and predict with reasonable accuracy his thoughts on young women who dye their hair. And I think this is something the internet makes worse, not better.

I think any objective accounting of the situation would have to conclude that it's easier to be an eccentric in 2023 than in 1993. The internet has allowed weird people to find each other, talk to each other, understand each other and themselves in a way that simply didn't exist before. At the very least, you don't get that "Am I the only human on earth who's like this?" feeling. And the cheap, Hallmark version of diversity/eccentricity is still a popular cultural value: those wall-hangings and birthday cards your aunt buys say "Be Yourself: Everyone Else is Taken", not "Yourself sucks, Be Someone Else." No one wants to be seen as the stodgy, bitter old fart. Part of it, I'm sure, is a cultural thing--Americans seem to obsess over individuality and being one's truest self more than others.

And yet...there's also this ambient sense that eccentricity-in-itself has been devalued in 2023 relative to 1993, at least in my circles. Everything from eccentric tastes in art ("What are you, some kind of hipster filmbro?"), sex ("Of course I'm sex-positive but weird creepy shit doesn't count!") or politics ("You don't really think that, you're just being edgy.") People who value weirdness and eccentricity for its own sake feel hemmed in by people who either openly see it as a threat to their own culture's local hegemony. A lot of the internet really does seem to live by the 'nail that sticks out gets hammered down' and sees that as a good thing. Seems paradoxical.

(For the record, I'm not laying the blame here at any particular subculture. Conservatives blather on about freedom and liberty and then say anyone who refuses to lick an HOA's balls is a dangerous subversive. Progressives say everyone is valid and beautiful and then plaster their spaces with various 'freaks DNI' equivalents, 'freak' status being determined by vibe-centric whisper campaigns. Liberals will Celebrate Diversity up to and no further than the point where it damages quarterly profits. No "name" group is immune to this, really, but certain subgroups are.)

A theory: the normie-weirdo ratio isn't particularly different than it used to be, but the way they interact is different. In the pre-internet days, the weirdos were well aware they were weird, and in having to navigate normie-land with psychological armor on, at least they might come to understand it somewhat. Now, for those who want it, there's an unending stream of validation and insistence that you're perfect the way you are. Without shading into the "can suffering be a good thing if it leads to change for the better?" argument, I think even people who are all-in on the answer being "no" have met at least one person defined by their self-actualization curdling into selfishness and narcissism, to the point where you can't understand how they function, in a way that is directly attributable to a having a stable of pseudonymous online enablers. That's a real phenomenon the way that "Shut up and repress, you freak" is a real phenomenon. They can both suck. They can even both suck in ways that make the other one worse.

The post-mainstream, pre-social-media 'Golden Age' of the internet was when it was basically a playground for weird people. Now everyone's on it by necessity, the weirdo-in-a-small-town dynamics are back, but now the whole world is the small town with the added "no one can ever really escape for good" dynamics of the internet tracking and recording and monetizing every aspect of human interaction.

The weirdos who are old enough to remember when the internet was their turf close ranks and start watching each other for the first signs of Turning Normie--itself something that's antithetical to actually following one's own star and drawing from whatever cultural tradition you find satisfying. The weirdos who aren't old enough grin and bear it because "you're constantly being judged by everyone" is just normal life for them. The stuff that's so popular that liking it puts you in the biggest box possible will benefit; stuff that was never gonna be popular under any circumstances will keep trucking. It's the cultural middle class, as usual, that suffers the most. Again, as I keep emphasizing, this cultural panopticon being both unending and global is unprecedented in human history.

I really think a lot of current cultural neuroses are due to this, although I can't really prove it and don't have the resources to research it. This sense of modern technology revealing to people how fundamentally uninteresting they are and rebelling against it explains a lot to me--the tendency of people to ideologically self-sort to narrower and narrower levels, the uncanny ability of observers to categorize even the relatively-novel versions of those self-sorts, the tendency of some people to just give up and openly embrace everything the hivemind says about them, "be yourself" as a zombified and omnipresent cultural meme when millions of people are struggling existentially with exactly that, every culture absorbing ambient victim-mentality and thinking they're the only right-living people in a world gone mad, the 'cultural class' getting deeper and deeper into objectively-adolescent pop-cultural obsessions and lashing out at the idea they should try something more challenging, the aging-out-of-relevance hipsters Freddie discusses being mortified by the idea of being perceived as exactly that.

The problem, for me at least, is that I understand there is a way out, and if anything it feels worse. I may be a bit younger than the type-case Freddie describes, and am not in an industry where I have to constantly prove my relevance to myself and others, but I am doing the opposite of aging gracefully. Instead of constantly trying to convince my social circle (I don't have a social circle) that having the political, cultural, and artistic preferences of a 21-year-old means I still am one at heart, I engage in the much-healthier practice of spending every waking moment fantasizing being 21 or 18 or, shit, even 14 again. I know nobody really likes getting older. I also think that if everyone was as obsessive and self-loathing about it as I am, society would cease to function. My regrets and pining are definitely unhealthy, obsessive and all-consuming, but I don't really talk about them because there's no way it ends other than "Yeah, that sucks."

But a lot of the people in Freddie's comment section are saying things like "Once I realized I was fundamentally unimportant and my opinions didn't really matter, I could get down to raising my kids/doing my job, which matters more than my feelings." And maybe ten years from now I'll be OK with that. Hell, maybe I'll actually have kids, unlikely as that sounds now. Right now that mindset sounds like a self-administered lobotomy. Maybe I'd be OK with it if I'd actually lived it up in my teens and twenties, tried to become an actual person and discovered what I like about myself, instead of just vaguely Following Rules and assuming there was a payoff to that. Maybe I'd accept that there comes a point in life where my destiny is to be a good parent/worker and that necessarily implies shaving off the hard bits of your personality. Or maybe even the people who were good at being young struggle with getting old. Maybe our cultural/technological moment is just making that a struggle for everyone. Guess I'll never know.

But as we creep closer to no one's parents, then no one's grandparents, remembering a world without the eternal and all-consuming Now of the internet, I suspect I won't be the only one aging with a complete lack of grace, and I suspect we as a culture are completely unprepared to deal with it.

[nerves-nebula]

Nigerian living in Nigeria here and I really really don't think you should come over. We are currently in a very very anti trans and anti lgbtq period. If anybody were to find out you were trans you'll be super unsafe. I know this advice is unsolicited and you didn't particularly say you were coming here but as a queer trans person who's unable to transition and is currently stuck in this country, I feel increasingly unsafe and things are getting worse.

If you were to come, you probably would have to make sure you pass as a woman really really well and have backup plans to leave the country quick if you were found out.

I've noticed ppl have started to pay more attention to how I dress and noticing me binding my chest and dressing masculine, no one paid that much attention to that a few years ago but now ppl can't seem to shut the fuck up about it

We have a thriving queer community here, we are small yes but we know how to find each other. The problem is they are no laws to protect us and the average person thinks we are devil worshippers. Ppl who get caught by the police have to bribe their way out of prison and it isn't even the police you have to worry about, it's the ppl around you.

The beard thing can be passed of as genetics if it isn't a full one, we have a lot of women with facial hair, but if you give of any hint that you aren't cis you'll be in trouble.

And it also depends on the area you would be visiting too. Gated communities tend to mind their business and it easier to be a moderately rich queer person than a poor one. The rich can choose where they can go and who they can interact with while poorer queer ppl have to interact with ppl who are more likely to hurt them

If you're sure you can pass as a cis woman then come if you can't and you don't have any support systems that would protect your best interest in the country then I advice you stay in America. Nigerians barely ever protest(at least ppl outside unions) yet average ppl were protesting the legalisation of gay ppl just this year

The climate here is complicated, we have very popular trans and queer influencers that have millions of followers but it isn't that hard to find a video of a transwoman getting beat up. If you're rich with parents that'll turn the other way you're must likely good if not sorry for you 🤷🏿

If you do think you'll be able to manage I don't mind helping in any way I can

thanks for giving me the general vibe, it's definitely something i was wondering about so i genuinely appreciate it. i think i can still pass for a woman (one with a slightly deep voice but tbh it's no that deep. I've still got breasts and everything so at most they'll think I'm like. a masculine looking cis woman, idk)

I dont have like a full BEARD beard i think i'd have to shave what i do have cuz my sister, who has already visited with my dad, says i prolly got too much facial hair to pass it off as genetics.

the issue i'm worried about is my dad telling people i'm trans. i don't even know if he knows that i'm transgender or what, but he knows i'm on testosterone.

I wouldn't come over if I didn't think I was safe. and that's the issue that i'm grappling with cuz I'm not entirely sure what my dad will say/do. i don't think he'll beat me or anything since he hasn't done that with his other, way more volatile and argumentative children. that's like, not a fear i have about him. but i'm not sure if he'll tell the people around us about me or endanger me in some way.

my inclination is to say no, but he and my mom have done equally awful stuff when i thought "surely they wouldn't do that" so I'm not sure. I don't think my dad is rich, but i don't know exactly. he has a lot of connections and has worked in the government and when my oldest sister visited, she said he had armed guards that escorted them everywhere. so that's probably a good sign? but that was a few years ago.

i wouldn't go by my real name or pronouns there, that's for damn sure, but I'm worried I'd forget the little things about me that show I'm trans. for example, my favorite jacket has a trans flag painted on it and my backpack has a pronoun pin. those are easy to side step obviously, just remove the pin and don't bring the jacket- but I'm worried about little things like that slipping through the cracks because i'm not used to hiding them.

[microknifeyuri]

You know, for someone constantly ranting about the bad side of the II fandom, you spread a lot of negativity yourself. Especially when it comes to shipping and character interpretation, because apparently no one’s allowed to accidentally overlook any part of a character or see humanity in characters who are morally wrong and know it.

Honestly, I know almost nothing about the bad side of the II fandom, but I’m pretty sure there’s more to it than an admittedly questionable but popular ship and people not writing the characters how you see them. Which at least in my opinion, isn’t actually bad but just normal fandom that happens everywhere

Ironically for an artist, I think most of your recent posts have just been about this kind of stuff. What happened to the you that made one of best AUs in II Fandom?

Sincerely,

A Concerned Fan

. anon. the thing that happened was that I stopped repressing myself and my thoughts when it came to the fandom itself. i never said that people aren't allowed to unintentionally/accidentally overlook certain things or that they can't see humanity on morally wrong characters, what i did mean to do is to encourage people to study the characters more and to try to think out of the black/white bad/good perspective, and to understand that complex characters aren't all the same and that every single character is more than just an stereotype, to actually try to look deeper for the characters other than for shipping reasons. to actually try to get the series for what it's worth and to not ignore parts that are canon of it.

i've been on the bad side of the ii fandom for months and honestly, i cannot talk about a lot of things about it because it would get me buried alive, because harassment and death threats by some of the people around here are things that happened to one of my friends and to me too. i am not mentally ready to try to cover all of that yet but you are right on me being more negative lately, and meanwhile i do have my reasons for it (been harassed, saw how my friend struggled for months to recover from all the harassment she got on the fandom), things that ultimately hurted me deeply.

so i bring up the things that also cause those problems and such, going against popular hcs is a big thing still and it kind of sucks a lot. i've been more tired lately considering how the fandom appears to have gotten worse on those aspects, which ultimately drains my energy, and seeing a thing that you love being treated like it can only work if you change everything, seeing something that you love being misinterpretated but not seeing people try to at least analyze it or get it, it. sucks. it makes you feel tired. because you really love that media, but the negative part of the fandom is so strong that it affected you, even though you still very much love the media itself.

and it does hurt but also.

but i am sorry that i got too caught up on it too. i can't say that it's going to get calmer with time because it's still affecting me and my friends, but I genuinely do want to bring with time a more positive look on things. yet my tone when it came to those things wasn't the best one and i apologize for that too. i genuinely don't want people to think that i am saying "you aren't allowed to make mistakes", i did a lot of them! a lot of mistakes! and that's okay!!! everyone makes mistakes. what i want people to do is to try and learn more about the media on general because it is good and i really want people to look more on the media than rather just settle for the fanon!!!

. oh and also i am just. angry with the fandom. it's not an "oh i just think they're like this" my issue with the way people treat ii and it's characters is that they do twist them way too much to the point it feels terribly ooc and it feels like people don't really. I am all up for interpretations genuinely and I encourage them!!! But I want people to understand the media so the interpretations actually feel. You know. On character. To not depend on the fanon. and i'd really like it if the fandom became more accepting of others and to be more open about things. and to maybe not be so extreme when people say that they don't like a popular thing too? there is a lot to fix here buttttt that is something the community itself has to work on. absorbing too much of it's negativity hurted on a personal level

And I am still here, I don't know which AU you're talking about but I genuinely do appreciate that you consider that I made "one of the best II AU's", and please do not be concerned. It's been rough lately but I can assure you that I'll be okay. It's easier to focus on the negative part but also, focusing on it too much has made me more grumpy lately and I really do want to talk more on why I love II and make content of it. Thank you for sharing your worries too anon. I'll take that on count. :]♡