#you must burn! is so sad but true vibes

[oddhellscape]

i think my favorite songs off of 72 seasons are sleepwalk my life away, you must burn!, and inamorata :]

[dearsnow]

I WOULD DO IT AGAIN

Part 1 || Part 2

- after the disastrous events of last night’s party, patrick comes back to dig out the truth (patrick verona x gn!reader, fluff, ⚠️ themes of alcohol / being drunk, this is the second part).

word count: 1457

a/n - it’s done!!!!! tysm to the people that read and enjoyed part one. i’m planning to write for patrick more, so stick around if you want to :) once again, this is inspired by the vibes of francesca by hozier

You wake to dappled sunlight filtering through your dust-speckled blinds. Your eyes flutter closed again as the gentle caresses of the morning are giving you a splitting headache- that, or the sheer amount of alcohol you downed last night. You move to pull the covers over your head, but your sheets are stuck on the corner of your bed. You just slip down further instead, groaning at the needling pains attacking your forehead.

When you try to think of the events of last night, past the time you spent dancing to the beat of pulsing strobe lights, very little comes to mind. Even the dancing is blurry. A warm voice, maybe, and the cold night air. The stars, spinning. Everything being blurry and broken and tinged with blue. God, your head hurts. You put your hand on your forehead, trying to soothe the ache.

When your front door opens, breaking your early-morning silence, you curse the god that sent your parents home so early. You will never know peace today.

Your door creaks open, and you snuggle down under your covers until your feet are almost hanging off the bed. You can’t let them know you’ve been out drinking. You hope they just think you’re being a moody teenager, too chronically tired to wake up earlier than 10:00 AM.

“You up?” The voice is rich, deep, and lightly accented. It’s definitely not your parents.

You shuffle up, poking your head out of your mess of blankets. You wince as your headache spits more of its fire.

“Pat?” Your throat is dry, and it’s reflected in your words. They come out scratchy and hoarse, and you wrinkle your nose at how pathetic you must look and sound. Does he know what happened when you got wasted?

Like he can read your mind, he closes the door and sits down on your bed. “You were pretty fucking wild last night. Got me worried.”

“You? Worried? About me?” You laugh, voice still on the rocks. “Usually it’s the other way around.”

Patrick smiles, but there’s something sad laced between his teeth. It shows through his eyes, how his dark brown irises look at you like a mourning dog. You sit up.

“What even happened at the party?” You ask. “I don’t even remember you being there.” You must’ve done something horrific to make him look like that. Did you flip off a police officer or scream at him?

Usually, you’re put together. A model citizen, even. Usually, you’re the one influencing him to be better. Usually, usually. Last night was definitely not a usual night.

His smile disappears from his lips, and a worried frown replaces it. He knows he has to bring it up. He debated it over and over in his head at home. Even on the trip to your house he was still trying to decide if he should tell you or not. He knows, though, that if he was the one drunk out of his mind, you would tell him the truth. You wouldn’t keep it from him. Besides, the burn inside him aches to know if what you said was true. “You said something stupid.” He mutters.

You internally punch yourself but groan out loud. You knew it. Why did you ever let yourself get that drunk? You should’ve just stayed home.

“What did I say?”

“You said…” He looks away, and you can’t help but notice how he keeps avoiding eye contact. “You said you loved me.”

That kickstarts your heart. Now your chest is pounding and you can hear the ringing in your head. You can feel the pulsing heat, the burn that comes with this.

“I know you didn’t mean it. People do stupid shit when they’re drunk. Don’t worry about it.” He says gruffly. He moves to stand up, but in a you grab his hand after a brief moment of hesitation.

You do love him. So, so much. “I wasn’t lying.” You whisper, and his eyes widen the slightest bit.

For a minute, you remember that this was exactly how he looked last night. Curls wild, the smell of smoke clinging to his body. And you love him just as fiercely now as you did then.

“You don’t regret it?” His voice shakes a little at the end of his sentence.

You’re panicking now. You’ve never done anything like this before, and today was not the day you were planning on starting. Every single possibility is racing through your mind, and you feel like you might throw up, but you have to tell the truth. You’ve gotten this far already- it would be cruel to leave your best friend hanging.

“I would do it again. Sober, I mean. I love you.”

You stare up at him, and he stares back at you. His eyes are broken like shattered glass, and when he sees you in his cracked lenses, the tears beginning to well up in your eyes could almost be glue.

It’s true. You actually love him, and it wasn’t just a stupid drunken confession. You didn’t latch on to the first friendly face you saw. You love him, of all people. Him. Patrick.

“You do?” His voice is quiet and just a little hoarse. His mind is reeling. Your words play like a mantra in his head, repeating over and over until the word “love” sounds like a made-up sound meant to rhyme with “dove” in a children’s novel. “Why?”

He isn’t deserving of it, he thinks. He could never deserve a love as great, as gentle, as beautiful as yours. He always assumed he would love in hellfire and smashed plates. Never once did he consider that you loved him back, and that he could have someone as good as the person staring back at him with messy hair and soft eyes.

You tilt your head. Why? He should know why by now. “I mean, what isn’t to love? You say it all the time.” He looks terrified and elated all at once.

“Well, yeah, but why?” He moves closer to you, his weight causing your bed to dip. The sheets wrinkle under his touch and the sunlight is bleeding through his hair. You have never seen anything more beautiful before.

“I love you because you’re funny. Not just in the class clown way, but you’re really genuinely funny. You always make me laugh every time I’m having a bad day. And you’re caring and strong and supportive. I mean, I’m pretty sure you were the one that took me home last night. You care about everyone a lot more than you seem to think. You’re talented, too, and really smart.” He snorts at that, and you add on. “Yeah, I know, you skip classes and stuff but you catch onto things quickly. And you’re good at figuring out how to work my appliances, which can come in handy.” You take a breath. “What I’m trying to say, Pat, is that I really do like you. In a serious, genuine, love-filled way.”

You feel the ramble lifting an incredible weight off your shoulders. You got it out, after so long of loving the boy that grew to be your best friend. It’s done. Even if he doesn’t love you back, at least you’re not carrying this intense, heartbreaking burden.

Patrick opens his mouth slightly, then closes it as he thinks about his words.

“That’s good.”

You feel it all coming back down to crush you.

“Good?”

“Yeah, good. ‘Cuz I love you too.”

And suddenly, you’re flying. It barely feels real, and you smile harder than you ever have in your entire life. “You do?”

You feel his rough hands come up to settle on your face, and you relish the warmth. He’s so close you can feel his breath fanning over your nose.

“Of course I do. You’re a catch.” He says. You laugh, he smiles, and he leans in further. You feel his slightly chapped lips on yours, and suddenly, nothing else in the world has any significance.

It’s gentle and soft, despite his rough edges. You can feel his curls tickling your chin, and he smiles into the kiss. When he pulls away, you’re left with the tingling sensation of touch and a heart that’s beating a mile a minute.

“I liked that.” You grin, breathless and wild. His cheeks are flushed.

“You better get used to it, then. There’s more where ‘that’ came from.” His thumb draws circles on your cheek.

He dips to the side, tilting his head to whisper something into your ear.

“Unless, of course, you actually do regret it.”

The corners of your mouth lift up involuntarily as you whisper something into his.

“Like I said, I would do it again.”

[beautifulterriblequeen]

Teaser thoughts

I had to do adulting (leave for a suddenly rescheduled appt) 20 mins after the trailer dropped this morning, so I'm only now starting to get my thoughts settled but omg I have to write this stuff down or how will I know what I think

here we go

Rayllum flying together. Is it cute, romantic, or is it some twist where they're going somewhere for horrible reasons in a hurry and they can't even take the Shadowpaw. Where is the Shadowpaw why are they fl-

Does Ethari have his Shadowpaw back is that why they have to fly

Love the bisexual vibes here ngl

Starscraper is over land. It's not a deep thought shhh

The search for Zubeia. I'm curious why Ezran has let two of his best Crownguard leave his side. Surely this will have no consequences!

Janaya kiss with Amaya on her tippy toes. Janai has her crown on here. I feel that's relevant for uhh later. I hope this is real and not a dream Janai is having - those have not been going well for her.

This one makes me sad. The picture is torn, but then mended, and I love that. But it's set up like you'd see at a funeral.

Is this one super early on in episode 1 maybe? It could be the same night as the end of S5. That feels more likely than Terry catching up to Claudia later on... specifically in her allowing him close after what we got in the other trailer. Aahhh

This one has so much in it, I can't! It's got star bug stuff which I'm extremely here for, let the gods be gooey. It's got the whole quasar diamond crown right there. It's got Rayllum having a close moment. and it's posed like they're at the altar in a chapel getting married. Also the star is upside down in the stained glass window, so whatever theme is going on it's being consistent there.

This is one of my favorites: Ezran out on his own castle bridge defending it. Ye Olde Narrative of Strength got to him! Opeli looking worried has me worried - she's usually so certain and swift. This could be Viren trying to come home like a half drowned rat - will they let him in? Don't make me think of the men of Númenor right now, do not.

Battle couple battle couple! Rayla and Callum teaming up again! (she's the dark blob kicking free in the upper left) I love when a couple fights together. gonna be super normal about that.

This top down view of the Starscraper is a little dizzying, ngl. With Callum and Rayla tiny at the bottom, three floors down, these flying, circling elves give me shark vibes. What if they're not nice. like at all.

Why was Stella falling!? what are the Celestials doing, are they helping or are they trying thievery? Is this just a big mob of seagulls here

Janai is losing control of her emotions, she's furious and sad. She's setting fire to the Sun Seed tree. We know the Seed was stolen, but maybe this is her finding out, early on. It's less angsty if it's early, you know how things always get Worse during the course of a TDP season lmfao. If it's later on, maybe the fact that she isn't wearing her crown is... important.

Rayla in the frozen ship. Why's it burning, what's she there for? why did she go alone? This gives me some Banther Lodge infiltration vibes ngl.

Okay I am all about this altercation. Viren shoving Kpp'Ar to the floor in fury. are they arguing about Soren? dark magic? both? neither? What's the logo stand for, what's the I for in IK? Does he have a show called It's Kpp'Ar and they're just on set? lmfao the real reason there are gears everywhere is to change the rooms around isn't it. Kpp'Ar just got sick of those extra 29 steps to the kitchen.

Few things are scarier than a True Believer getting everything he wants. this shot of Karim being so filled with elation cannot be saying good things for Janai's prospects. He's got all kinds of cool Sunfire stuff on, too, including a crown, and his old tin ring from his mother. Those things were confiscated when he was exiled, which means he must not be exiled anymore. He could be king, having displaced Janai somehow, and he's fulfilling his intentions to his people by bringing back the glory of the Sunfire elves by healing their injured archdragon. Or so he hopes, anyway! We'll see if it works.

Sol Regem has come out of his cave and he's got that Power Dragon Wingspread going on. Looks like he's been convinced to take a swing for uhhh big dragon things! I wonder how far his power will reach... and his bitterness. We might get a new Dragon King that makes Avizandum look soft.

It's so interesting to me what we did not get to see in the teaser, too. There's no Aaravos, no Aanya, no Runaan or Ethari, no Kim'dael. If we get another trailer before July 26, maybe they'll be in there! Or maybe we'll just have to white knuckle it until release day.

Hold on tight! S6 is coming!

[thatpunkmaximoff]

[Book Three of Three]

Story: 4 out of 5 Smut: 3 out of 5

Wow. Where the hell do I even begin?

First of all, Callum is definitely my favorite. Though he is very much an Archdemon and is rough and tough with his Lady Witch, he’s also very soft with her… and ugh, he melted my heart. I honestly did not expect him to WANT Everly to peg him tho lmao.

Everly was also my favorite girl because she was so pure and innocent, and corrected her path when she saw the true path Kent was leading them all down. These two are perfect for each other.

The trip to Hell was fun, as was Callum and Everly giving each other their metal (their piercings were the best out of all them), but I was NOT a fan of the final battle with the God. Don’t get me wrong, it was good, but THAT ONE SCENE had me gasping.

You know what you did, Harley. How dare you make me take a breather before I got back into reading. Holy shit.

All in all, I loved it. This book felt different and I’m guessing it’s because of Callum’s demon-y sweetness with Everly that I don’t think Leon and Zane quite possessed with their own females.

This trilogy was amazing and I’m so sad to see it end.

Now here are my rambling thoughts...

* So Everly’s mother took her own life? I call bullshit.

* Oh no. Poor Marcus. I can’t believe Jeremiah killed him like that. What a dick.

* She found her Coven family house!

* Callum’s here! And he’s… crazy? lol.

* He got a little excited and went a little feral 😂 Poor Everly doesn’t know what to think. And now she’s given him Sam’s name since he bruised her, and Callum is pissed. FUCK. SHIT. UP!

* Yessssss. Sam deserved that.

* lol the dead grandma speaks through an old radio. Wtf 😂

* I’m getting puppy vibes from Callum. A murderous puppy, but a puppy nonetheless.

* “I’ll be watching. If your father tries to keep you, I’ll ensure you escape. I’ll bring you home.” // “Home… I don’t know if I’ve ever really had a home.” // “Home is wherever I can keep you safe.”

* “You should wear a bell so you don’t give me a heart attack.” // “A bell? Like the one’s humans put on their cats?” He tipped his head curiously. “Only if you promise to drag me around on a leash. then I’ll gladly wear your collar.”

* Callum crawling just short circuited my brain 😂

* Who the fuck is hunting Callum?

* Fuck. Lucifer sent his right-hand to speak with Callum. If Lucifer interferes, I’m gonna be pissed.

* I’ve never been more glad for Kent to be dead. He fucking put magic dampening cuffs on Everly!? I need Callum to see them and lose his shit again.

* Wow. She pegged a demon 😏

* Fuck. Who cuffed Callum?! 😩

* So that’s how the book got in the box.

* Fuck Kent for making her strip like that.

* Fuck Mrs. Hadleigh too! Stupid cunt trying to hit Everly. Dumb bitch fucked around and found out.

* Run away, Everly! And go find out what the fuck happened to your demon.

* “Everly is not, and has never been, a mere fascination. She is my reason, my logic. She is my one and only God. Think I’m mad if you wish. There is nothing left for me in this existence except for her, and I would sooner rip myself apart than allow you or any other being to stand in her way.”

* I fucking hate Lucifer.

* Aww, Callum. He doesn’t wanna claim her because he’s afraid for when she dies… but she’s dying right now, so…

* “No matter what it takes. No matter what I must sacrifice. No matter who I must kill. For you, I would burn this world and the next.”

* Lmfao. Poor Everly is trying to find a spell to get rid of the wraiths before they notice her, and fucking Callum slaps the wall to get their attention 😂

* Goddamn. Callum and rope play. I dig it.

* She can shapeshift!

* Awww. Callum is so soft. Sometimes.

* Ugh. Juniper attempting to attack Everly still pisses me off lol.

* Callum is making me interested in rope play now 😂

* “I love you more than life itself, more than my own freedom. For you and you alone, I’ve stayed alive, Everly. For you, I would face everything I ever feared. I’ve lived a thousand lifetimes and I swear I’ve loved you in every one of them.”

* Oh shit… she walked into Hell with Callum. What’s going to happen here..

* So Callum is going to get a piercing for Everly… and not the other way around? Wow. I kind of wanted Everly to get a piercing tho lol.

* She pierced his dick 😂 and got a matching clit piercing in return. Such a brave little witch.

* I’m so glad the council put Lucifer in his place. Jealous fuck.

* What the fuck!!!! It killed her?! And she was pregnant!? You’re fucking lying.

* Oh my god. She was pregnant!

* She lived. She fucking lived 😭

[undertheknightwing]

I'm sure this is absolutely predictable of me but - your boy Gar and my girl Rach for "Send me a character" 💚🖤

The siblings of all time ✨️

Garf first 🐯

First impression

Oh baby boy. Such a sweetie pie 🥺 *watches Asylum* Whoa! This show is actually letting Gar have a character besides goofy sidekick?? This just got so much more interesting.

Impression now

So that was a fucking lie. Buttt.. if I wrote out my true impression of him now we'd be here all day so imagine I'm unfolding a comically long list of my Gar thoughts because there’s a lot. The less the show did with him, the more I got to over analyze and create from there.

Favorite moment

When he's left in the tower and just messes around for a few days. I re-watch it all the time. It's very relatable too, I get sad and unmotivated after a day without having people to talk to as well. Also that scene from s3 ep1 when he's talking to himself in his room, I love his silly facial expressions, and "nothing tops a Super" has been burned into my brain.

Idea for a story

Fic wise? You'll just have to wait and see 👀

Unpopular opinion

I don't think it's really unpopular but his hair is so bad. I wasn't a fan of it in s3 but s4 made it so much worse. I'm also not a huge fan of his suit but that's for "it looks cheap and plain compared to the other ones" reasons.. like the abs on it look like the kind you'd see on a Halloween costume. It's weird.

Favorite relationship

In canon.. I don't really know. Gar's character felt it went from "DickKory's son" level of importance to just "oh yeah that guy" throughout the seasons. Gar's relationships with the characters (besides Rachel) is pretty surface level imo, especially in seasons 3 - 4. But whatever Gar's relationship with the Red is seems cute. It changed it's realm color for him and looks to care about him a lot through what I saw in the episode. He's clearly the favorite child and I love that for him.

Favorite headcanon

I got one too many of those, but him being able to purr is always a great one, and acting cat-like at times. Empty box? That's his now. Left a cup on the island? It's pushed onto the floor. Nothing is safe. He might have left a dead bird somewhere as a gift too, who knows.

And just for fun have some songs that gives me his vibes: Shapeshifter by Brye, The Garden by The Crane Wives, and Wild Things by Alessia Cara

It's Rach time 🖤

this is more your territory so I'm sorry if it's a little lackluster 😅

First impression

Precious girl. So precious. Must be protected at all costs. I really like this take on her powers and character.

Impression now

Much like Gar, she got the short end of the stick in the show tbh. She went from being the most important to a side plot thing which sucks. She should have had much more to do in season 4 since they were dealing with her family.

Favorite moment

I like a lot of her scenes in season 1 the most. Her interacting with the Doom Patrol was cute.

Idea for a story

That's your thing lol but I never liked how they always kept her stories tied to Trigon somehow in any media so I would give her a more unique story about something else.

Favorite relationship

She and Kory were my favorite for a long time but I've warmed up to her and Dick's father-daughter relationship because of you. So I choose them 💙🖤

Favorite headcanon

She's an artist who prefers painting over the other arm forms and painted something special for all the Titans members.

And some songs for your duo: Protector by City Wolf or Calm Me Down by American Authors, they have season 1 vibes

Thank you Mundi! 🖤💚

[pollylynn]

Title:  . . .  And Sound

WC: 900

“It’s the safest place in the city.”

—Richard Castle, Boom (2 x 18)

He was never going to win this argument. His position is that she should—she must—remain Chez Castle until she finds a new place. To his mind, how long that until stretches out is utterly irrelevant. She should stay. But never in the ancient history or distant future of Ever was he going to win this argument. But damned if he didn’t make it.

“I never even got to try those fabled scrambled eggs!” he insists as he hovers in the doorway of his own spare bedroom like a pointedly uninvited vampire. “Your mom’s scrambled eggs, Beckett!” 

“Never got to try them. Really?” She doesn’t take her eyes off the duffel she is methodically, efficiently, speedily packing. “Then how did you burn your tongue, Castle?” 

“My tongue is fine!” 

The fact that the word comes out thung takes some of the sting out of the sharp retort. So does the sudden reminder of the maddening pain, followed by the intense need to worry at the sorest of the many sore spots with his incisors. And then there’s the fact that she’s talking about his tongue. She has been noticing his tongue. Part of his brain is sure this newly discovered piece of information should—somehow—occupy a central place in his unassailable argument for why she has to stay. To satisfy her curiosity about his tongue. It’s a compelling argument, says this part of his brain.  Fortunately or unfortunately, a different—if not necessarily larger—part of his brain strongly recommends moving away from literally and figuratively awkward tongue talk. 

“My tongue is not the point. The point is . . . ” 

He makes a sweeping gesture that encompasses the duffel that’s nowhere close to full, even though she’s emptying the surface of the bed, the nightstand, and the nearby wing-backed chair at a pace that suggests she’s under the impression that packing is some kind of Olympic sport. The gesture is lost on her, of course. She keeps her back to him as she moves around the room, making her methodical sweep—making sure she leaves nothing behind. As though she has anything to leave.

“The point is this is sad.” It’s an unfortunate, though not inaccurate choice of words. This tableau has strong poor little match girl vibes, Still—the word sad tugs her ever so slowly around to face him, and he wishes that felt like progress. He wishes that having something look at, other than the knot of tension between her shoulder blades, meant that he has scored a hit, but a familiar muscle twitches in her jaw and a part of his brain—he can’t be sure if it’s the let’s talk about your interest in my tongue part or the other one—decides the only way out is through. “It’s sad that you’re living on travel-sized store-brand shampoo and pulling a new pair of underwear out of a plastic pack every morning and you don’t even have enough of those things to fill that cheap-ass duffel bag.”

He has more to say. He has so much more to say about the sheer, stubborn stupidity of her leaving, but she narrows her eyes. That familiar muscle twitches and an unidentified part of his brain pulls the emergency brake. His run-away mouth grinds to a stop. 

“Stole some of that fancy toothpaste. Right out of the medicine cabinet.” She crosses her arms. She treats him to a defiant lift of her chin. “And that zillion-dollar lotion. The big tube.” 

Their eyes travel in tandem to the sagging duffel with its zipper gaping like an exhausted mouth. He wonders if it’s true. Without a word, she double-dog dares him to check—to call her bluff. He crumbles. He had lost this argument before it ever began. 

“Didn’t steal any underwear, though, did you?” he shoots back, but it’s sullen, not salacious. It’s the tongue fixation all over again. Or the tongue fixation in reverse or something. It is in no way helpful, when she’s smirking at him knowingly and turning back to the stupid task at hand. 

“I’ve got eight days before that’s a crisis, Castle.” She tucks something into the duffel with an air of finality. He can’t tell what it is—if it really is stolen, or if it’s something sad she threw on to the counter at a Duane Reade in between serial killer–related catastrophes. She shoulders the bag then, more gently than he would have expected, shoulders past him and out into the hallway. 

He trails behind her. He’d like to scatter irrefutable arguments like rose petals, but he’s resigned. He doesn’t want her to go. He doesn’t think she should go, when there’s no reason for her to deal with skeevy landlords and short-term rentals and creeper neighbors on top of everything else. There’s no reason for her to when she could stay here where it’s safe. 

Safe. 

The unspoken word hangs in the air as they make the turn down on to the landing. She doesn’t set her bag down on the chair. 

She is going. Eventually. She’s the one hovering in the doorway now as they bicker and spar —as they both drag the argument out, even though the winner has been clear since before it started. 

She does go. Eventually. He closes the door behind her and hangs his head. 

“Safe,” he murmurs to the empty room. “Whatever that means.” 

A/N: A thousand apologies for how long it has been since I posted in this series. For a number of reasons I have not been dreadmilling, but I am back on that horse (which is a terrible metaphor for a dreadmill). I hope to be back to posting several of these a week as a continue with the rewatch.

images via homeofthenutty

[toomanyfandomsorkinafs]

Unfinished fic I want to share for feed back, so I know what to change.

One thing before I start, all smps(Empires season 1) This story is set in ESMP1 with all the empires + a few fan made to make the world feel bigger.

The Wings on my back bend and break.

Wings.

Grian loved his wings, everyone that knew him knew that was just a fact. But no one knew the way he felt about them before. Well- A few did seeing as they were there for it.

Grian’s younger siblings Pearl, Martyn and Jimmy had seen him attempt to rip them off when they were younger. Grian’s bestfriend Taurtis had seen him attempt to burn them off.

How weird must it have been to find him again after he went missing for 5 years and now loves his wings more then anything.

So, instead of being confused about it, why not ask? And that’s what Pearl did.

000000000000000

“Griba?” Pearl asked quietly, seeing as it was still quite early in the morning and Grian might not be awake. 

“Pearl? Why are you awake? Did you have a nightmare?” He ask jokingly, as the oldest he knew a thing or two about the way his sibling crawl into his bed while they thought he was asleep simply cause they had a nightmare.

“NO! No- no no. I uh-“ she didn’t really know how to get her words right, “What happened….When you were gone..” She paused, not knowing how to finish her sentence.

Grian notice the way his sister looked like she wanted to continue so he waited sitting on his bed, then patting next to him so she can sit to.

“Why- why- UGH! My words dont want to work with me!” Pearl semi yelled out in frustration before adding, “Why do you love your wings?! Didn’t you hate them growing up?!”

Ah. Grian now understood what was wrong. “Ah- ha- uhm…Well, uhm…I don’t think I should tell you this story..” He trailed off looking out the window, anywhere but Pearl.

“Grian! I’m not a little kid anymore! So you can stop with your whole,” She waved her hands in a way as if say you as a whole. “Thing where you act like your the only one that should suffer cause your older!” 

“Look, Pearl. I understand that you dont want me to hurt, but I’m fine! I promise, it’s just..not the easiest story to tell.” He looked down, still not meeting his sister’s face.

“Well. Its early morning on a Sunday so I’ve got all the time in the world. No matter what.” She smiled at her older brother before continuing, he finally looks at her. “I won’t run away, I want to hear everything that happened..” she pauses, mischievous in her eyes.

“What are you planning?” He asked slightly confused yet also scared.

“You either tell me the story or I get auntie Lizzie or Xisuma in on this.” She smiled with glee that only a child that’s childhood hadn’t been taken from them could.(But that part was only half true.)

“Fine! Don’t tell auntie Lizzie, she’ll have my head!” He pause playfully before returning to his sad vibes. “Uh- I guess I should start with why I hated my wings.”

He pauses, and she waits. Pearl won’t rush him. “Uh..you remember how before Father died, he taught me how to fly right?” He pauses, Pearl was still a bit confused so she waited for him to continue.

“I’m guessing you never learned how he died?” She nods her head. “Right. He died teaching me how to fly. We had been on the hill we have picnics on..” he pauses, tears in his eyes.

“There- there was a hybrid hunter. I was flying and they shot my wing. Father died cause he tried to catch me. And while he caught me..” he pauses, whipping the tears in eyes while Pearl leaned in close for comfort and to comfort.

“He fell off the mountain with me in his arms. The hunter thought I had died from head inures cause uh…” Grian pulls his sister in tight, no one but him, the police, the people who saved him and his Mother knew what happened that day. And for the first time he talks about it to be to his baby sister? He was so scared. 

“Father wanted to check that I was okay, I had passed out from fear. The hunter saw da- Father’s panic and thought I was dead..they then proceeded to…” He felt Pearl cling to him both for his comfort and her own.

“The hunter shot Father, killing him. They then left as the police was called by a couple who had been sight seeing around the same area.” He paused forever grateful for them, seeing as he would have actually been killed if it wasn’t for them.

*sniff*

“Pearl? Are you alright?” He ask the moment he noticed his sister had curled up in his arm and wing, he just knew she wax crying. And just that broke his heart.

“I-“ she voice breaks slightly. “I- we could’ve lost you even sooner then we did.” As Pearl said it, it hit him hard. 

After the death of their father, their mother started to hate her children, blaming them all for her husband’s death. Grian being the oldest took all the hits. He took all the yelling. He learned how to cook, how to clean, how to even take care of his three younger siblings who were all under the age of 5.

Grian was. Is. Basically his siblings father. They don’t remember much of their d-father. He was that role of ‘dad’ for them. And it hit him that had he dies, his siblings would’ve been the ones being hit. The ones always getting yelled at. They could’ve barely reach the stove even with a stool. Had he died, they would’ve been doomed.

“You okay? Do you want to continue or take a quick break?” He asked softly as he turned to his sister, holding her, comforting her like he always does. Grian gently runs his hand through her hair. 

“Y-you can continue.” She spoke up after a little bit. Voice as quiet as a mouse.

“Right. Mother start to resent us, blaming mostly me for father’s death. She would yell and scream about how much trouble my wings always put me in.” He pause and Pearl just knew where this was going. “She’d yell about many of things the most being, if I never had these wings, then father would still be alive.”

At that moment, Pearl want nothing more then to kill her own mother. How could she say that to her child?! But she had to calm down for Grian.

“I started to believe that. I started to wish that I never had my wings and I just hated them.” He lifted his other wing, the one not around Pearl, before continuing. “When I went missing, this after I had burn my wings, I got lost.”

“Since my wings where hurt, I couldn’t just fly up to see where I was. Then I got kidnapped.” He exaggerates the ‘then’. It took a second for it to click in Pearl’s head.

“WHAT?!” Pearl yelled out quite loudly, completely forgetting just how early it was in the Ocean empire. “Sorry..what?!” She said softly after.

Grian softly chuckled seeing that. “Yeah, I got kidnapped brought all the way to some area close to the Maniaro, you know that mangrove empire?” He laughs like his trauma was the funniest thing ever.

“We all thought you ran away! Or killed yourself!” Pearl exclaimed slightly louder then she meant to, lifting her hands to bring across her point.

“Pearl.” A sleepy voice came from the door, it was their Aunt Lizzie. “Keep it down please..” She smiled lightly before leave and closing the door again.

They both laughed softly at their aunt. “Yeah…so what happened after that?” Pearl ask curiously.

“The hermits found me.” He smiled remembering his time with them.

“The hermits?! Aka like that really feared group of hybrids known for fight and or killing anyone that crosses their territory provoked?!”

[demonskiss]

Im in love with all of the yanderes, Violetta, Blythe, Emory especially ugh all of them can hide me in their basement but I had a minor thought while reading through your posts.

Emory is a surgeon

Violetta is an artist

Truly forgot if Blythe had a major-

But what if all of them met the darling at a college? Like, we're just vibing and meeting these "friendly" people and they just looked at us at some point and went "Yup. This is mine now. Taking you home with me" and they either collaborate together and share information or there's an all out war you don't notice?

Idk man it's brainrot tho- food for thought lol

☕️✨️

the college experience

violetta is portrayed as platonic, emory and blythe are romantic

emory canonically has a degree in economics due to the pressure from their family, but for the sake of this ask… let’s say they’re double majoring in both medicine, and economics. blythe canonically majors in pharmacy, and once violetta graduates from high school, she’ll go into studio art! logically, they’d all attend different colleges… but who cares about logic?

even as a freshman, violetta’s art was displayed around the campus. she holds tutoring sessions for those who want to improve their art, and that includes you! no matter your current skill level, she’ll never once degrade you, and she soon becomes charmed by the way you always come every session, the way your eyes light up when you improve at something or learn something new. the artist is determined to keep you coming back, even holding you after tutoring to draw you. you’re stunning in her eyes.

you find yourself in the nurse’s office one day, greeted by the nursing assistant, emory who simply volunteers there. their melodic voice lulls you into a sense of security, never knowing the true emotions stirring up in the older student in front of you. oh, they love the way that your face burns when they touch your forehead, the way that you’re so reliant on them, it makes them lean into the desires they’ve never felt before. they must have you in their grasp. keep coming back, okay? you need biweekly check ups, don’t worry, they’ll always make time for you.

you met blythe through a house party your friend invited you to, both hiding in a room to get away from the scene. he’s a charmer, always knowing what to say to make you laugh, providing comfort in a setting that you’re not accustomed to. they tell you that they frequent parties a lot, so if you choose to attend another one, don’t be afraid to cling to them! they’ll provide nothing but the upmost hospitality, even if it’s not their home.

you introduce your friends to each other one day, unaware of the tension that you caused by this one fateful encounter. they feign cordiality, but the side eyes they give each other when you’re looking away tells everything about them. blythe and emory have a natural grudge against each other being from the same department, their different ideology about how they should approach their education strikes a lot of disagreements, and of course, passive-aggressive comments. violetta firmly believes the two older students don’t deserve you in any capacity, they’d never treat you right! how will you make time to come to her tutoring sessions if you date one of these stupid stem kids, after all?

in all, it’s an all out war. blythe and emory’s unofficial rivalry for your affection began the second you left their sights, while violetta is slandering their name, feeding you silly rumors she’d never believe just so you can stay away from them! blythe would’ve found the artist cute if she wasn’t so controlling, while emory flat out thinks she’s a nuisance. they’d never get along, unless it’s in front of you of course. they love you too much to make you sad.

perhaps once in a blue moon, they’ll cooperate with each other. especially in the case of your safety. they’ll never get along, but you’re clearly better off in a place where they can guarantee your safety, right?

[liopleurodean]

Season 9, Episode 7: Bad Boys

Oh. A pilot flashback!

This is gonna be such a good Dean episode

Who?

That was loud

Nice

Uh oh

That's not good

Poor guy

Ooh, we've got early season music back

Weird

Must be Dean's phone

Oh, it's the Sonny episode!

Not exactly

Yikes

Repay a favor

Right...

Oh, Dean

Looks nice

Wasn't it?

Nah

That's true

Yeah, ever think about why?

Yeah, maybe do some more thinking

Nice, Dean!

Come on, Dean

...what are the bruises on his arm?

Ah.

You sure about that?

True

That's rough

Giving Doc Hudson vibes

Sam.

Interesting choice

Huh.

Long time ago

Ruth is in on it?

Okay then

Red line, baby

Interesting

Don't crush his dreams, Dean

Cute

Poor kid

Exposition

Poor girl

...so his business should be finished?

Nah, it was great

They'll be back

In the bath? I'm sorry

That's sad

Dean.

I love. Everything about this

Nope

Yeah...

Dude. The Samulet is back!

15, huh?

I think he's working on it

Oh boy

Whoof

Dean...

...weird

Uh oh

Doesn't look like nothing to me

Nice

Dude.

Yikes

That's true

I'll bet Dean's up there

Good job, kid

Ouch! But yeah

There's the rosary

Careful

Timmy.

No, this is bad

Oh boy

Spooky

Interesting...

Extermination

Oh, Dean, honey...

He didn't like it 😭

And look at them now...

Absolutely

Nice

Playboy Dean? Nope

Cute

Yeah...

Uh oh

Mm

That's adorable

He didn't want to

Oh no

That's obvious

Protecting her son after death

WIAT A SECOND

THATS THE FREAKING ODD SQUAD KID

THE ONE IN THE LABORATORY

Poor Timmy...

The Bruce figure. That's the object to be burned

Sorry, kiddo

What's happening?

...so what do they do now?

Not good

Yikes

I think he can

It's okay, kiddo

There we go

Poor kid

Aw

Awww

I want a Dean hug

I'd agree with her

No one does

Cute

I hope so

Right...

Because of you, Sam

I don't believe that

Aw, Baby Dean is getting dressed up

That's so sad

He knows exactly what that means

I'm gonna cry 😭

THEYRE SO ADORABLE

Cool jet, Sam

Oh, Dean...

No, you really don't

Yeah

Right

[teenageread]

Review: Casters and Crowns

Initial Thoughts:

Elizabeth Lowham makes you fall in love with the characters and the kingdom, and for the first time in a long time I was sad to be finished with such a beautiful novel. What captured me is the true depth of our characters, and their slow-burn romance that makes you swoon every time they talk to each other with such kindness and gentleness. Plus, with a ticking time bomb of a plot, it gives you a very real timeline and a sense of urgency that makes the novel fly through your hands. I loved how Lowham wrote Aria to be kind, in a world where her father wants her to be strong and unforgiven. Their relationship really kept me in the story, as Lowham had Aria grow up from a devoted daughter to seeing her father’s flaws both from a father and as a ruler. On the other side we had Baron and his love for his siblings and his father. You hate Lowham for killing his father prior to the story, but love seeing Baron in the fatherly role he took on for his brothers.  Seeing how Aria grew up in a household of cold love, vs. Baron’s warmth really gave you a good contrast for the story. Along with a plot that keeps you reading late into the night, Lowham perfectly nailed everything needed for a good story, and thus this is one that I highly recommend. 

Characters:

Aria de Loegrin (what a name!) is the princess and next in line to rule after her father. This means she must be perfect, as her father taught her a ruler never makes a mistake. Thus, Aria keeps track of all the mistakes she made. When she was younger it was a physical tick mark in her notebook, but as Aria got older she made mental note of the mistakes she makes like: speaking out of turn, being wishy-washy with her decisions, showing mercy, and so forth. Aria's strive for perfection makes you sympathize with her character, as a daughter who was never shown the right levels of love. Aria herself was kind, gentle, and you knew it from the first page that she is the type of queen her kingdom needed, despite her father constantly berating her. The plot of the story came from the fact that Aria was trying to save lives and prevent a war, and the romance came because she was someone for who he truly was. Aria also showed a complicated relationship with her father and mother, but a loving relationship towards her sister(s) (you’ll know what I mean when you read the book), showing the love and kindness she has. These characters, all dynamic in their own way,really added to the story and made the court life of this novel come alive. This novel features a dual point of view, as not only did you hear Aria's thoughts, but Baraon’s too, as our two develop their slow burn of a romance, one you wished would have just hurried up. Baron is a book boyfriend's dream with his kindness and gentleness towards Aria, his brothers, and those he meets. He also is brave, smart, and has his own sense of rights, despite being a law abiding citizen whose laws are made to harm him. Every interaction between Aria and Baron is to die for, both in their letters and in person. It gives proper romance vibes with how formal they have to be with each other (a princess and a commoner), but the intimacy in how they interact makes you know that they are meant to be, if only Lowham would speed things up. 

Plot and Writing:

In their world there are non-Casters and Casters, which are those blessed with magical abilities that people fear and hate. Where Aria’s father, the king, fears casters, Aria sees them as the people they are, where her father does not and that causes tension in their relationship. Aria, trying to stop the war that Window Morton wants to start, all because the king killed her son for something he did not do. Window Morton is a caster, and when Aria was warned not to go near her, she went to negotiate peace and was cursed. Widow Morton will destroy the King’s line as he did hers, through cursing his dependents with no sleep during the day, and insomnia at night, until they are driving into madness. This curse starts with Aria. Failing her duties due to tiredness, Aira befriends Baron, who also happens to be a caster, and where their friendship is true, she also needs his help breaking the curse. With catching and fun writing, Lowe really makes this novel fly through your hands. Plus a timeline! With a 100 day curse, this novel really has a sense of urgency to it that makes it a thriller along with being a romantasy. This novel displays fairytale-like tropes while giving us a unique fantasy storyline with a romance to die for. Baron and Aria are truly perfect for eachother, and I honestly wish this novel had a sequel just because I want to see their romance play out more.  

Conclusion: 

I have found no flaw within this story, and I will not go looking. Elizabeth Lowham should make TicTok hall of fame for this fantasy romance with a well written plot, true characters, and a storyline worth remembering. Let the algorithm make this novel famous, as it will definitely be one of my most loved stories of the year.

[maguro13-2]

Darkness Reborn ~ Origins of the Ink Demon Pt.16 ~

"Sonic Team stage : Seabed Area..."

[Abysmal Ball ~ Banquet - Hideaki Kobayashi]

*Smash SFX : Fighting noises*

Trowa : These Seabed enemies are way harder to push through! They won't even pass us through with that difficulty of theirs!

Quatre : Just your way of luck, it'll be harder to kill these things! They're nothing but brute and strength! More importantly, where did these dark attributes coming from.

Heero Yuy : Less thinking, more fighting, guys. This is the opportunity that were fighting for! We must be getting closer to Seabed's final area, the core of the lab, otherwise known as the Test Subject Dispoal Area.

Quatre : It's probably where the noise is coming from under the facility where Lain an Duo were residing at. These Squids, Machines, and Dark Attributes are starting to make me go pissed of! Well's about that time it's us to piss them off!

Trowa : Good thinking! Alright, Seabed freaks! I'm gonna be roasting some squid tonight, boys!

Wufei : Burn their Ragolian ass!

Heero Yuy : Remember, the inhabitants of the Seabed Area aren't just your typical neighbors, they're a bunch of p*ssies from the wrong side of the track. You know I feel urgent to have the balls to kill some Seabed baddies, but they don't have the balls to cut me through. So get out of our way!

Wufei : Let no one pass through!

Trowa : We'll fight and stick together!

Quatre : Give the evil a true meaning of pain and suffering!

Heero Yuy : This is what the power of a hero feels like! I can feel the taste of victory in my mouth! It's about to get even tastier!

"Meanwhile at Salem..."

Jacqueline O'Lantern Dupre : (yawning) Finally, A way to start off after the new year's, can't believe that end of the year party was one heck of a fun way to celebrate, at least Kimial already knew about Japan's new year traditions from the many cultures that celebrates New Year's every night and everyday when the 2010s have arrived. My head's killing me with all sparkling apple cider that I have been drinking. [door opens] Hey, Kimial. How was the new year's party? Did you like with Sparkling Apple Cider or the New Year's traditions in China and Japan? Kimial? You home? I thought the apple cider was good enough so I brought some food on the way home and...

*RUMBLING+PERFECT CHAOS ROAR*

Jacqueline O'Lantern Dupre : Huh? What? Where is that vibration coming from and that sound....

*RUMBLING+PERFECT CHAOS ROAR*

Jacqueline O'Lantern Dupre : Now I'm getting it somewhere, It feels like that I'm connected to somewhere before.

*Heartbeat echoing*

Jacqueline O'Lantern Dupre : I can feel a person's vibe. It's Anger and Sadness is what causing the planet's vibration, it's the cry of a Shattered Warrior that it's heart is filled with nothing but anger and sadness. I believe there is another Shattered Meister somewhere around the planet, and I know who it is. [hear someone approaching]

Kimial Diehl : Mizu...Mizu...

Jacqueline O'Lantern Dupre : Kimial, is that you? [turns and sees Kimial with a bloody tear shedding from her face] Kimial, are you crying? Why are you crying in your own...[blood drips] blood? Are you crying in your own blood.

Kimial Diehl : ...Jacqueline, about you thinking about the one you loved. The one you truly cared about is me, right? I never really like boys nor men.

Jacqueline O'Lantern Dupre : Of course, ever since you ran away from Tokyo in order to keep yourself away from the Shattered Soldiers or those that are heartless, I must tell you something about this before.

[PigeonBlood OST : Discretion]

Kimial Diehl : ...What do you mean by that, Jacqueline?

Jacqueline O'Lantern Dupre : You maybe calling me girlfriend or a lover, but I'm not what you really think of...I'm a member of the Phantoms of Society, and I was given orders to protect you, the one they call you a Shattered Meister.

Kimial Diehl : How did you know that I became the Shattered Meister?

Jacqueline O'Lantern Dupre : That's what Makoto told me about and the orders of protecting you was given by the Phantoms to secure you from danger. But before I became the member of that society

Jacqueline O'Lantern Dupre : I used to be a Fire Soldier working for the Fire Brigades, other wise known as the titular Fire Force. The World of Fire Force was that world that existed in the Ohkuboverse before the creation of Soul World, it's sole purpose was to protect humanity from the forces of true evil, Shadow Realm's ruler Demon Vibe,who is responsible for the Evangelist's creation. I was formerly a member of Special Fire Force Company 8, Shinra's former unit and the one that I used to be part of. Everything was great for Fire Force and I was perfect as a pyrokinetic in Shinra's world. Things went great until that "girl" came. The one who came to replace me. The one who call herself Tamaki Kotatsu, the girl that "we" were separated from the Ohkuboverse before Soul World Existed.

"But after the Time Eater removed us from Shinra's world, We were both banished into Real World AU, that only reinforced me as a member of the Phantoms of Assembly, where I got the reputation that I deserve and I even met Makoto. I was the hero of my story that I ever wanted, and everyone wanted to be part of it."

[Flowing Destiny (Memories) - Maki Kirioka]

Jacqueline O'Lantern Dupre : Now I finally understand why did the Time Eater throw me out of the Ohkuboverse, the reason that I separated from Shinra's world, because the Time Eater wasn't planning on destroying the Real World, it wanted to destroy the Ohkuboverse that is a facade to Shadow Realm! Not that everyone knows that there's no such thing as madness neither Justice can be a part of it. I didn't have the courage to protect Shinra's dumb legacy, but I did have the courage of protecting others that I cared about, and protecting you would be the love of my life. When I'm gone or missing, anybody would be upset, and even when I'm dead or vanished, there would be anyone to mourn my loss.

Kimial Diehl : ....

Jacqueline O'Lantern Dupre : So you see, Kimial. I became a very part to the Phantoms of Society to be the hero of my own story, with Ashley and you...I wanted to be the strongest of them making the proud hero I was. You could be the hero that is part of one story, others do their parts as well, if they were abandoned, disowned, or even stuck in the shadows, that's where everyone get their stories to become the heroes that they wanted to become part of!

Kimial Diehl : ...(giggles, then chuckles) Jacqueline, you silly pumpkin. You called yourself a hero and I'm really foughtful that I'm a part of your story, but we all play in our parts in our stories too, you know. I play my part as the damsel in distress and you would be the hero yourself. I just realize something that I would be madly in love...Madly to be in love with you. Hero and Princess are the most important parts of the story, and when that happens...it's a love story between the hero and the damsel in distress.

Jacqueline O'Lantern Dupre : ...(blushes)

Kimial Diehl : I felt that way that, we can all be part of a story and make into a romance story. You're the hero and I'm the damsel. We can all be part of one story.

Jacqueline O'Lantern Dupre : Guess so. I maybe a little to tough and I got courage of being the coolest hero that you'll ever see.

[DMMD BGM24 Plays]

Kimial Diehl : (in awe) Jacqueline...

Jacqueline O'Lantern Dupre : Kimial...(about to kiss Kimial)

Kimial Diehl : W-What are you doing?

Jacqueline O'Lantern Dupre : Gomen! It's just that I'm starting to getting into you and I thought that we would make out--(Kimial puts her finger on Jacqueline's lips)

Kimial Diehl : Mada...It should be the one that should do it for you. I would personally consider the romance between us bounded. But before one's story will be concluded, I would give my faithful wish for you. (kisses Jacqueline for the first time)

(cues sex scene)

Kimial Diehl : (sexually moans)

Jacqueline O'Lantern Dupre : *smooching*

Kimial Diehl : (sexually) AAAh-! *breathes heavily*

Jacqueline O'Lantern Dupre : Kimial...Does it feel warm inside you?

Kimial Diehl : [shook head "yes"] Hai. It feels so much warmth. Please, stay by me, forever.

Jacqueline O'Lantern Dupre : Hai. Arigato

Kimial Diehl : (blushes and smiles) Arigato gozaimasu. (the two starts kissing romantically)

Kimial : (sexually moaning, simultaneously) J-Jacqueline...!

Jacqueline O'Lantern : (simultaneously) Kimial...!

Kimial Diehl : (sexually, simutaneously) : Jacqueline...!

Jacqueline O'Lantern Dupre : Kimial...!

Kimial Diehl : Jacqueline...Jacqueline...D-Daisuki. Motto...Motto...aisheteru!

"Everyone has a story...a story that everyone will become part of."

"Wether it will be love, tragedy, or heroic...."

"Both of them can be romance or love that is a part of a story."

"Not all Heroes are part of the story, everyone or everybody can be in their part of the story."

"That is what the stories are made for..."

"Playing each and every part of it."

"Everything may be a story, but even if they were phonies."

"Sincerely your truly, Sonic the Hedgehog. The Legendary hedgehog.

Sonic : Shahra...you crazy vixen. That's what you told about everyone being a part of everyone's stories. Well I'm the hero of many great stories and you part of it with everyone as well. That's what you told me about back in the Arabian Nights. But one's thing for sure, if everyone can be part of a story, then a story needs something the world itself can be a part of... are the Secret Rings in Hand!

[Seven Rings in Hand plays shortly]

Sonic : Hmph!

*DBZ SFX : POWERING UP*

Sonic : Alright, when the stories are connected, everyone's tale can reach their end, that's how the stories work to reach the end of a hero's tale...! SPEED BREAK!

*DBZ SFX : BOOSTING*

~ Ninety-Fifth Scene : The Perils of Lain Iwakura Pt.2 ~

[shirks-all-responsibilities]

I've been thinking about this fic since I read it yesterday--I love the tone of it, the way it feels to read, your style? The melancholy feels the right shade of lived in, well worn, restrained, true-to-life?

There's almost a…simplicity? An earnest brevity? To the way you've written this? The way you linger on things JUST the right amount--not too long--in a way that just feels so perfect, so right for these characters and the tone of this world? So real? It lets everything breathe, and is a joy to read.

The way that Joel is such a man of few words, how you convey the impact of his gazes and glances, the significance of his pauses, I love it. The slow burn of their mutual pining, of each step and how it feels so satisfying…going from that eye contact, to those soft smiles, to those physical gestures of care, to what follows next…just inject it into my veinssss PLSSSS.

What really burrowed its way into my mind was that love scene in Part IV, that last night before Joel leaves? I haven't stopped thinking about it, it made my heart ACHE in so many ways, you wrote something so beautifully INTIMATE, so SAD…I had my hand on my heart reading it, it's just so…the desperation of knowing what's coming but trying to forget, of trying to grasp onto every last moment they have together, it's so HUMAN, the TENDERNESS, their physicality, Joel's EYE CONTACT? So freaking intimate I can't even express. His softdom nature in that context just puts it on another level of NEED.

And um...SOFTDOM JOEL? THE WAYYYYY you've made him say so little, how he's so restrained and careful with his words, to have THAT JOEL go all softdom with her just….the COMMAND, the whole vibe of it, the edges softened, how he knows what she needs because OF COURSE he does, I just…

AND OK BUT, THIS: " 'But what about you? This can’t be doing much for you.' The curve of a smile showing bright teeth before his tongue peeks between them to brush at his lip. Shifting, uncurling a hand from your thigh - finding yours. Dragging it gently back as he reaches around you. His own hips shifting, until your fingertips are running over something thick and curving." One of the hottest Joel moments in EXISTENCE??? Everything that lil tongue-peeked smile communicates?? The way he guides her hand?? *melts into puddle*

"It's a reminder that the two of you existed. A memory, for when you're gone. That it wasn't just a dream." This straight up slapped my little existential heart, just bodyslammed it into the wall. My heart. The way you note those dark details of life, the hits and misses…how "that moment wavers - and then fractures, splintering," how she closes her eyes "to break that connection" when the intimacy is too much?

When he leaves and they never said goodbye to each other, my heart BROKE. I could just FEEL how that must feel for them after, having to live with that.

If I wanna wallow in some delicious angst then I pretend the epilogue doesn't exist and sit with the ending of Part IV, but OH how beautiful that epilogue is, my heart was leaping with joy when they reunited, how they so quickly fold into each other, that Joel way of expressing how he feels…it feels so comfortable and right and simple and…I love it.

And this is a weird little detail for me to focus on, but when he watches "the way the pom-pom on her hat bounces with each step," I can't even explain how much that delights me. A formative early fic in another fandom I read had that exact detail and I've never forgotten it, it's such an adorable observation, I was so tickled to see it here.

This is just a beautiful little story with some beautiful themes and growth, and I still don't think I quite hit on what makes it so great, but I tried!

— IN THE WOODS SOMEWHERE MASTERLIST

[complete] | [playlist] | [ao3]

joel miller x f!reader

Rated E - 33k

Tags: brief canon-divergence (spoilers/references to ep. 6 & 7), reader is mid/late 30s, canon-typical violence / mentions of death, found family, angst, wounds, hurt/comfort, smut (iii-iv), soft!dom joel, competency kink, oral, face-sitting, piv

When a break-in startles you awake, it’s hard not to assume the worst. But when the thief is revealed to be a teenager just trying to help her wounded guardian - you find your heart softening.

Because after all… you suppose your cabin has enough room for three.

— part i: in the night

— part ii: stay with me

— part iii: these short winter hours

come early morning

on my knees

— part iv: long road ahead

— part v: epilogue

[taleasnewastime]

In the wake of your leave | Part 1

[ PART TWO TO GROWING PAINS ]

Summary: It’s been six years since you’ve been home. Six years since you’ve been in this city. Six years since you stood in this house. Six years since you saw all these people. Six years since you’ve seen Jimin. But you’re back now, your father’s funeral the reason for your return, but this time you don’t plan on leaving and this time you’re going to take what you want no matter what.

Pairing: Jimin x reader

Genre: Unrequited love; brothers’ best friend; slow burn; mafia au; angst

Word count: 16.2k

Warnings: Angsty feelings, unrequited feelings, Jimin uses the nickname Princess, swearing, mentions of death, blood, there’s a physical fight, I guess just lots of things you’d imagine from a gang/mafia fic but overall it’s also not that dark.

Authors note: Here it is!! As I’m sure you’ve seen this is part two to Growing Pains, you may be able to read this as a stand alone but there are a lot of references to part one so it might make more sense to read that first. I feel like this has a really different vibe to part one so I hope you still enjoy!!

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He’d heard you’re back. Whispers going around the house about your return. Six years you’ve been gone, far longer than your university course and rumours have been muttered the whole time. But now they’ve reached a crescendo.

The words have always been pure speculation, no one actually knowing what you’re doing, but he can hear the curiosity in everyone’s tone now you’re back. How have you changed? What will you be like? How long will you stay? Words of who you are and what you’ve become reaching Jimin’s ears no matter how quietly people say them and no matter how much he tries to avoid them.

They say you’re darker now. They say you’ve grown into a woman, the little girl long gone. They say you’ve not come back alone. They talk about what you did while you were away, that the family blood in your body must have amounted to something because studying wasn’t the only thing you’ve done, the other things a lot darker. And though not all the stories sound true, Jimin still dreads that some are. He at least knows one thing to be true, he’s not expecting the little girl he still pictures in his mind.

Your departure was far from smooth. As much as he wants to remember that happy smiling girl, whenever he pictures you all he can see are the tears streaming down your face. He can still feel you in his arms when you saw AJ dead on the floor, can still hear the words you admitted to him and then the way your face changed when he broke you.

He can remember every moment on those steps outside the house. The moment he realised that his words weren’t working, that he’d have to lie to you to get you to leave. He can remember slipping into that part of his mind he hates, that he swore he would never show you, or at least never use on you. He can remember picking the pieces of yourself you hate the most, the insecurities he could manipulate enough to make you believe he was telling the truth. He can remember the pure determination in your tone when you said you wanted to stay and can remember thinking that as much as it would hurt both you and him it was better to hurt you and get you to leave than the alternative.

Six years and yet he can still remember every detail, every tear.

If he’s honest with himself he’s dreading seeing you. He’s dreading seeing what you’ve become, he’s dreading seeing your reaction to him, he’s dreading the possibility that you may cry again. But most of all he’s dreading seeing you and realising you haven’t changed at all.

Your father’s death is hardly a happy reason for your return. It’s not like there will be some grand party thrown in celebration of your return. No, instead it will be an all-black occasion, sadness rather than happiness in the air; the reunion of a family broken by a tragedy. It’s not exactly how Jimin pictured seeing you again.

Because it may have been six years, and your last meeting may have been filled with heartbreak and tears, but Jimin has always dreamed of seeing you again. You were always a ray of sunshine in his day, the little girl who was so different from anyone else, who was innocent and harmless in comparison to every other element in his life. He knew your feelings towards him, he knew you hid them, but he knew you better than you realised. You couldn’t hide anything from him, no matter how hard you tried.

He loved you, still does, but never in the same way as you did him. You were too good for him, deserved more than he could give you and he always saw you as more of a little sister than anything else. Still, it broke his heart as much as it did yours when he did what he did.

But you needed to go. Over the years he could see you changing. He knew you wanted to be a part of the gang, knew you were too soft and innocent and young to be involved, but he could also see how you changed and became more and more corrupted by your surroundings, changed to try and fit in. He didn’t want to see you trapped like he is, because although this is his family and though he would die to protect them, that’s what he is, trapped.

He would do anything to save you. And so he did. He broke you to save you.

But now you’re back and Jimin doesn’t know what to do.

He has to control his face when he first sees you. Well, when he first realises it’s you, because when his eyes first glance at you they keep moving, only to shoot straight back.

Six years. He shouldn’t have expected you to still look like that eighteen-year-old girl, but he truly hadn’t imagined this. You are less girl and more woman now. Long gone is the heavy-handed make-up and the mass manufactured clothing. Instead, you stand in clothes that look tailored just for you, the material hugging every curve, hair styled to eradicate every whisp, make-up expertly applied to look like you’re not wearing any. You look even more beautiful than he remembers. Because you were beautiful as a girl, but now as a woman you’re something wholly else.

He’s screwed for.

His eyes linger on you for a few seconds before he’s moving on. If he pretends you’re not here then maybe it’ll become a reality. He knows that it’s a poor idea before he’s even decided that’s what he’s going to do. For one, if this is the only time he’s going to see you then he wants to see you up close, to talk to you and find out how the last six years were. He can’t go another six years without seeing you, he’s missed you.

He takes his time though, lingers around the room talking to people and accepting the drinks given to him. And though he’s trying to ignore you, his eyes can’t stop finding you. You talk to people, though you seem mainly interested in the guy you’ve brought along, someone Jimin has never seen before. You sip at drinks, but none of them look alcoholic from what he can tell. You don’t really smile, your lips turn up at the edges but you don’t beam like you used to or laugh the way he remembers.

It’s not just your looks that have changed, you’ve not shed a tear, not now and not during the long service earlier. He was worried about seeing the tears, worried the memories from all those years ago would come back to hit him, but he had nothing to worry about. While that should be something that gives Jimin peace, it only worries him. Maybe the rumours are true, maybe you have changed, you certainly look like if from here.

He takes a shot of alcohol. The alcohol doing nothing to help him, he’s abused the substance for too long for it to have much of an effect on him now. Still, the burn down his throat is enough sensation to kick him into action. Eyes set on you, he does what he does best and acts like nothing is bothering him. Jimin’s life is an act, and he’s never going to need that skill more than now.

You’ve never been more miserable. Not because you’re at your father’s funeral, but because of everyone currently staring at you, judgment and curiosity in their eyes.

Six years since you’ve been around all these people and now you’re back, you remember why it’s taken so long to return. You can still feel how unwelcome you are, how you don’t fit in, don’t belong. Even at your own father’s funeral you can sense the judgement.

“Here,” you look to the deep voice on your left, take the glass offered. “Drink this.”

You offer him a small smile, one of the only genuine smiles you’ve dealt out tonight, the only other ones also given to him.

“Do you think it’s spiked?” You say flatly but the joke still gets delivered as intended, Jungkook having to fight the corners of his lips from curling upwards.

“Probably,” he shrugs before a glint appears in his eyes. “Want me test it for you? Make sure it’s not poisoned.”

“You’d do that? For me?” You mock surprise, going along with the joke.

“You’re more important than little old me.”

“But if you die, who’ll protect me?”

He nudges your shoulder with his, a smile finally breaking through. “I know you could take out half the men in this room without even thinking.”

“Only half?”

A small laugh escapes Jungkook and the noise at last causes your lips to curve up into a smile.

You take a sip of your drink. Ice cold water. Not poisoned, not that you really thought anyone here would do that, not at your father’s funeral at least. No, it’s more a joke between you and Jungkook, something to relieve the tension that’s in every inch of your body.

You’d worried about bringing Jungkook, but now you’re here you’re so glad you didn’t stop him. He knows everything about you, everything about everyone in this room – or at least everything you know about everyone in this room – and still you’d worried. But you can’t imagine standing here alone.

“I think he might have finally gathered the courage,” Jungkook says over the lip of his cup, his eyes flicking over your shoulder.

You stiffen. There were only two men you were nervous to see today. Yoongi and Jimin. And one of them you’ve already seen, had a long conversation with. You’d spoken to Yoongi on the phone occasionally over the past six years, he was the one who had broken the news about your father’s death and while you spoke to him on the phone from time to time, you were still nervous to see him in the flesh.

But Jimin, Jimin is a completely different story. While you’ve had some contact with Yoongi over the years, you haven’t seen or spoken to Jimin since that night six years ago. By the sounds of it that is soon to change.

“The Princess has returned.”

That nickname. Even with your back to him a shudder runs through you. But you school your features just before you turn to him, put a blanket of unfeeling over your face.

You step next to Jungkook, can see the pure pleasure in his face even if he’s feigning indifference. He knows enough about you to know what this means and he’s manged to bag a front row seat. You not so delicately bang your arm into his as you twist and face Jimin, a small reminder to not enjoy this too much.

You’ve had a long time to prepare for this moment, and yet you’re still under prepared.

He’s aged. Six years hasn’t felt that long in the grand scheme of things and yet Jimin looks a lot older than you thought he would. It’s not that he has grey hair, in fact he’s dyed the naturally brunette hair a lighter shade, or that he has wrinkles, no, his skin is still annoyingly perfect. It’s more that he’s bulked out, still lean but more obviously powerful now, and his eyes hold something they never did, or maybe it’s something they’ve always held, he just never let you see, a darkness he thought you were too young for.

Surprisingly, out of everyone you’ve met today, not smiling at Jimin is the easiest. All those years of love and laughs and smiles and yet all you can see when you look at him is the way he broke your heart. He’s the reason you left and he’s the reason you almost didn’t come back.

But what hurts the most is that he’s still beautiful. You can still see the Jimin you loved. That broad smile on his face, that crooked tooth still there, those eyes still crinkling at the edges. He’s aged, but he’s still Jimin.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” it feels like a second thought, something everyone’s been telling you all day and just as strange coming from Jimin. He was your father, there is a certain sadness attached to him dying, but everyone knows your feelings towards him, how little you will morn his death.

“Thank you,” you say flatly, giving him nothing.

His eyes flick between you and Jungkook, you can tell he’s feeling awkward despite trying to hide it. It seems that not everything has changed over the years, you can still read Jimin’s tics. You can tell he’s vying for an introduction to Jungkook, but you’re not going to make this easy for him, if he wants something, he’s going to have to ask.

Jimin weighs up Jungkook, something you’re sure he’s done from a distance, but now he’s doing in front of him, an intimidation technique. Jungkook stands a few inches taller, his frame much larger, but you still feel him straighten next to you, still feel him try to extenuate his size. Jimin just stares, disinterested before flicking his eyes back to you.

“You’ve made friends.”

“Don’t sound so surprised. I can actually make friends.”

You watch him wince. Such a small movement, but you still see it, gain a small amount of satisfaction that you caused that.

“How was university?” He abandons trying to find out who Jungkook is, taking a long gulp from his already half empty drink.

“As pointless as I expected.”

“Hey, you met me, didn’t you?” Jungkook nudges your arm with his but neither you nor Jimin look at him.

“Not completely useless it seems,” you shoot Jimin a small sarcastic smile.

“And when do you return?” There’s a small pause before he clarifies. “How long are you here for?”

“Trying to get rid of me already?”

“Just wondering how long we have the pleasure of your company,” Jimin returns your earlier sarcastic smile.

“Well, I haven’t received my big welcome home party yet, so I guess I’ll have to stay at least as long as that.”

You’re being purposefully vague, kind of enjoying this new, weird, slightly grating thing you and Jimin have. You knew you’d be acting like this with him, cold and distant, but you hadn’t expected him to change around you. You thought he’d be his usual nice and kind self, thought he’d be apologetic about what happened. Six years has obviously changed a lot. That or he’s still worried you’ve harboured that crush all these years, wants to make sure every single hope is extinguished before he goes back to how he was, lest you confess your love again.

“You might be waiting a while for that,” Jimin says bluntly, again, the tone and words something he previously would never have used around you.

“Shame. Guess we’ll be here longer than we expected,” you look up at Jungkook and see the glint in his eye, he’s enjoying this as much as you. “Hope you packed enough pants.”

“Does your brother know you’re staying?”

You cut your eyes back to Jimin, your heart changing pace at the look in his eyes.

“Obviously not if he’s had the oversight of throwing me a party,” you relish the way you can see him working his jaw.

“Well perhaps you’ll be leaving after tomorrow’s meeting?”

You can’t hide your shock, only a small widening of your eyes but still something Jimin catches and now it’s his turn to look smug. He’s caught you out, finally has the upper hand.

“Perhaps,” is all you reply.

You can see Jimin wonder whether it’s worth carrying on the conversation, but he must deem it’s over before it’s barely begun as he finishes off his drink before levelling his gaze at you.

“Until tomorrow then,” his eyes flick to Jungkook and he gives the smallest of nods. “Jungkook.”

His eyes flick one last time to you as if to see the reaction there at the fact he’s known Jungkook’s name this whole time. You watch as he twists and walks away and then wonder what the fuck just happened. You hadn’t expected apologies or flowers or pretty words, but you really hadn’t expected that, hadn’t expected him to be so cold.

“Well, that went well.”

You draw your eyes away from Jimin in favour of glaring at Jungkook. There’s a wide, shit-eating grin on his face that only makes your frown deepen. You throw a middle finger up at him, the gesture only earning a chuckle.

It’s weird seeing your brother behind the desk your dad once occupied. Yoongi isn’t much smaller than your dad, and maybe it’s because you’ve grown, your perspective changing, but the table looks so much smaller than you remember, Yoongi smaller than you remember your dad always looked. It helps you fake the confidence you’re currently trying to exude.

Jungkook sits next to you, his chair so close your legs are almost touching – your chair so close, because you shuffled it as close as possible when you realised who would be sat on your other side.

Jimin didn’t even flinch when your chair scraped across the floor away from him, didn’t even turn to look at you, but Yoongi’s eyes pinched together. His eyes going from your movement to the man sat next to you, not Jimin but Jungkook. He doesn’t say anything about the man being here, but you know he disapproves. But you weren’t about to turn up alone, not when you knew Jimin was going to be here, if Yoongi hadn’t invited him then you wouldn’t have invited Jungkook, which is probably why Yoongi says nothing.

“Shall we get on with this?” You break the silence that’s gone on too long. You want this over and done with.

Yoongi drags his eyes back to you, takes his time with it, knowing the silence is killing you. It’s really disconcerting how quickly he’s fitting into his new role.

“You want in,” he says, not a question but it also doesn’t feel like a statement.

“I want in,” you parrot.

“And what’s happened over the past six years that’s going to make me change my mind?”

“I’ve grown up.”

He doesn’t speak, it’s not enough, you knew the statement wouldn’t make him open his arms to welcome you, had prepared for his questions and silences but wanted to see how much he’d prepared. It seems your brother still knows you well enough to know what you want. And it also seems that being family still isn’t enough on its own. You’ll have to prove yourself the way you’ve always had to.

“And because you’re in charge now.”

“You think I’ll want you when dad didn’t?”

The words bite. And while Yoongi doesn’t blink you can see Jimin turn to look at you at the words and Jungkook moves his leg to graze yours. You don’t react to the words though; you know that’s why he said them. You said you’ve grown up but he’s testing the theory.

“Dad didn’t see how useful I could be.”

“And how’s that Y/N?” Yoongi relaxes back into his seat, his eyes fixed on you as if preparing for a long story.

“You’ve all seen me being female as a weakness, but I think it’s a strength. You might think you need brute strength in this business, but you’ve never considered that there are other ways of doing business,” you pause, wait just long enough to know that you have his attention and the fact he doesn’t interrupt you tells you everything; he’s interested, he wants you to continue. “This gang is outdated; it’s run by a load of hot-headed men. Plus, growing up I was always taught how family comes first, how this is a family business, yet I was pushed to the side lines. Do you not think that shows weakness? Do you not think that’s maybe why dad was killed, because there’s no unity here? Because those hot-headed men saw that weakness and decided they wanted a change? He sold this gang being like a family to so many, and yet he so easily threw out one of his own, who’s to say he wouldn’t do the same to anyone else?”

Yoongi doesn’t even flinch at your accusations, just remains leaning back, his eyes heavy on you as they weigh what you’ve said.

“You think insulting me and this gang will put you in my good graces?”

“I think you’re smart enough to know I’m just telling the truth.”

The few seconds of silence now don’t weigh so heavy on you. You can tell it’s because Yoongi is weighing up his answer, he never says anything without meaning every word.

“And you think someone murdered dad?”

This time you do outwardly react, you roll your eyes as you fall back into your seat and while it’s not the most respectful gesture, you think you see the ghost of a smile on Yoongi’s lips when you look back at him.

“I take back my earlier statement of you being smart.”

“I have an offer for you,” Yoongi says, ignoring you. “Find dads killer and you’re in.”

You sit up straighter, eyes going wide. You’re not sure what you expected from this meeting, because you hadn’t really expected to be accepted into the gang, at least not without a hard fight, but you really hadn’t expected this.

“What,” the word doesn’t come out of your mouth even though it’s what you’re thinking.

Yoongi doesn’t look at Jimin and his clear annoyance at the offer. It should please you that he also didn’t know this offer was going to be given, but you’re in too much shock to feel anything about the man who’s shooting Yoongi daggers.

“You want in, you do something for me, and I’ll give you a place. You find the rat, and I’ll repay you.”

“What place? What role?” The questions tumble off your tongue without much thought and you’re so glad for Jungkook and the prep he helped you do; even if you didn’t think this meeting would amount to anything he forced you to consider all avenues. His leg is now a solid presence against yours, a steady and silent reminder that he’s there and that he at least thinks you have this.

“What do you want?” Yoongi shrugs.

“I want what you have,” again the practiced words come easily and still Yoongi hardly reacts. “I want to lead, I want power, I want respect.”

“Then earn it,” Yoongi’s tone is flat, firm, not so much a telling off but almost a challenge, a reminder that he can only do so much.

You nod your head at him, it’s only small but he returns the gesture. Deal.

You look at Jungkook, he can’t hide the smile as easily as you can. It’s something you love about him, he may be tough and may be able to beat someone up with seemingly the effort of a blink of an eye, but he wears his heart on his sleeve. When he chooses to, he gives his whole heart to everything, no halves, he’ll tell you what he thinks straight but if you’re on his side he will back you to the hill. After moving and having your whole life seemingly smashed into pieces, it was exactly what you needed.

You shoot him a small, barely visible smile before standing. You feel Jungkook follow your lead as you look back at Yoongi. He’s still watching you, still silently calculating and you don’t say anything as you twist and leave, Jungkook trailing behind you.

“What the fuck?” You didn’t even look at Jimin, but you can picture his face with the tone he’s used. You’ve not even left the room and yet he’s so openly challenging Yoongi. “Why they hell would you do that?”

You open the door, swallow the lump that’s formed in your throat, but still don’t look back. No matter how much you’ve buried Jimin in your mind, no matter how much you now hate him, the words still stab through you. You wish he didn’t affect you, wish you didn’t feel anything towards him, but you loved him for too long, too deeply for that to be the case.

You can still hear him arguing with Yoongi over the deal as you walk out the room, the door closing behind you.

The laugh dies in your throat as you walk out of your room and see Jimin leaning on the wall opposite your door. The mask of indifference you’ve been wearing around him easily takes shape. But it’s a second too late, Jimin saw the laugh and saw it so easily die at his presence and you think you see a pang of something akin to hurt cross his features before a small sly smile takes his lips.

“Morning,” he says easily as if he saw nothing, as if his face didn’t give anything away. He pushes his weight off the wall he was leaning on, standing tall to greet you.

“Morning,” Jungkook parrots and though Jimin’s eyes flick to him in surprise you know he said the word more to irk you. He couldn’t stop going on about how amusing he found it seeing you so easily annoyed by Jimin last night, something Jungkook so rarely saw. While you silently seethed about the day, Jungkook wouldn’t stop babbling on and replaying all the ‘highlights’ of the day.

You don’t say anything as you start walking to the stairs. You hear Jungkook follow close behind and a second after you pass him, hear Jimin’s steps fall in line too. You try not to grind your teeth.

“What are we up to this morning then?”

You clamp your teeth down, no longer able to stop grinding them together. You can almost feel a stress headache forming.

“Me and Jungkook are off to breakfast.”

“Aw. Where was my invite?”

“Must be lost in the post,” you say flatly, none of the light, sarcastic humour Jimin’s tone held.

“Well, it’s a good job I caught you now then.”

You reach the bottom of the steps, stop as you twist to look behind you. You catch the smile and glint in Jungkook’s eyes before he steps to stand behind you and then you’re met with Jimin. He looks exactly how you remember now, that wide smile on his face you were so used to seeing growing up, but after hearing him swearing at your brother last night you don’t buy it, at least anticipate that the smile is due to him knowing something you don’t. You don’t take the bait though, would rather be left in the dark then admit you’re at a disadvantage.

“Fuck off Jimin,” you give him a sarcastic smile despite the biting words.

Jimin raises a hand to his chest as if hit by a bullet. “I thought we were friends.”

“Yeah, so did I.”

The words are said more seriously and hit that bit harder. Jimin’s smile drops an inch as his eyes dance across your face.

“Where you going first?” All sarcasm has dropped, he’s being as serious as you now and despite the talk of breakfast previously you know he’s referring to the conversation from last night, who are you talking to first to find out who killed your dad? Still, you’re enjoying toying with him too much to let it drop that quickly.

“I told you,” you say, spinning on your heels to head to the door. “I’m off to breakfast.”

You hear two sets of footsteps follow you and even though you expected it, you roll your eyes.

“It’s only booked for 3 people and unfortunately we’ve already invited someone else,” you say over your shoulder.

“Then he won’t be able to come,” Jimin says referring to Jungkook.

“You know, Jimin,” you stop with your hand resting on the front door, turn to look at the two men staring at you. “No matter what you thought, you never have been able to control what I do.”

A wide smile spreads across his face, the look more unnerving than anything else he’s done. You can almost picture what’s currently going through his head, wonder if he’s thinking of the same memories you are. Him telling you to go to school, him asking for cake but having to force you to give it to him instead, him telling you not to do business with AJ – all the things you ignored.

“I know,” the wicked smile remains and you brace for whatever he’s about to unleash. “But just like then, I don’t need to control you to get what I want. Because just like then, my opinions are shared by those who do control you.”

He starts to walk towards you and you only have a second to jump out the way before he’s pushing through the front door you were blocking.

“Your brother requested I accompany you on any business,” Jimin explains over his shoulder as he goes down the steps to the car. “I’ll wait for you in the car.”

You glare at his back, continue to glare through the blacked-out windows as you try to calculate a way out of this. You could walk away, could get in a different car, could do a hundred other things, but you know this is your only opportunity to prove yourself, if you throw this away, if you defy the orders of your brother, you may as well not bother.

You turn to look at Jungkook who has a raised eyebrow. He already knows what you’re going to do, but he at least will wait to hear you say it.

“Stop looking at me like that,” you glare at him.

“Just curious what you’ll want me to do while I stay here all alone,” he replies.

“Continue to look into my fathers last movements,” you wave a hand at him.

“Enjoy your breakfast,” he quips, smile starting to appear on his face.

“And don’t let my brother know anything,” you add, Jungkook nodding at your words. “I mean it Jeon. Not a fucking word.”

“Yes boss,” he does a mock salute as you finally turn and follow where Jimin left.

You have to remind yourself that this is worth it, that this is what you want, that you just need to get through this, and you’ll have everything you ever wanted. You catch Jimin moving in the back of the car and take a breath. It’s going to be fucking hard though.

You’re tapping on your phone, replying to emails that really don’t need to be responded to, but in this too stuffy car you’ll do anything to distract yourself from the man sat a seat away from you. So far he’s ignored you, his gaze out the window as he watches the world pass by. But as time ticks by you can feel his need to talk increase, you could have predicted the moment he would break before he even talks and you hate that you still know him well enough to know that.

“Who we meeting?”

You don’t look at him, continue typing on your phone, head angled away from him. You can see him out of the corner of your eye turning his attention towards you though, angling his body towards you and not to the window. Once you would have relished in the attention, now you want anything but it.

“Conan,” you give a straight answer.

“You think Conan killed your dad?”

“I never said that.”

“But you’re still meeting him?” There’s a pause and when it becomes obvious you’re not going to answer him, he carries on. “You do remember what your brother said right? And I know he didn’t give you a deadline but if you take too long it’s only going to point at –”

“Do you ever get bored of hearing yourself speak?” You cut him off, still looking down at your phone.

“Not particularly,” Jimin tries to say it in the same carefree tone you used but you can hear the bite of annoyance.

You hum. “Well, it’s getting awfully boring to me.”

“Listen, all I’m trying to say is –”

“I know what you were doing,” you cut him off again.

“I’m just trying to help.”

You hum again, it might be sadistic, but you gain way too much pleasure in how much the noise seems to irk Jimin.

You feel the car slowing and when you look up you can see the restaurant you gave the driver the address to earlier. You glance down at your phone, finish tapping out the last sentence before locking the phone and slipping it into your purse. You finally glance at Jimin as the car stops and the driver gets out to open your door.

“Maybe try and keep the talking to a minimum,” you say. “Wouldn’t want you embarrassing yourself.”

He opens his mouth to reply but your door opens and you slip out before he can say anything. You allow yourself a small smile before you hear a car door slam closed behind you and heavy-footed steps speeding to catch you. You manage to wipe the smile before a strong hand grabs your wrist and forces you to face an angry Jimin. He’s close, his eyes near black and if he wasn’t so close you wouldn’t be surprised if you could see steam leaving his ears.

“Careful Princess,” you flinch. That fucking nickname, the one he used when you were growing up, the one that once made you feel special and now only makes you feel sick. His grip tightens slightly as he looks down at you, you know he didn’t miss your reaction however small and you’re not looking forward to how he’s going to use that information against you. “I still hold more power than you, you’re still not in this gang, you can’t go ordering me around yet.”

“My brother may have sent you to baby sit me, but this is still my business. Sit in there and do whatever it is Yoongi is sending you to do, but otherwise don’t get involved.”

His eyes flick around your face as if trying to read something there, a frown forming between his eyes as if he can’t quite work something out. You start to heat under his gaze and at the proximity and his hand still around your wrist. It’s all a lot. You blame it on your change in feelings, that you now hate him, rather than because of your old feelings towards him.

Still, you snatch your hand out of his grasp and take a step back as if the distance will help make your heart stop beating so erratically.

“I just don’t want to see you hurt,” Jimin admits, voice softer.

“And that’s the problem,” you reply. “You always assume I’m going to get hurt.”

You stare at him a second, don’t hide the years of hurt from shining through. You used to think Jimin was different, used to think he was a good guy, that he wasn’t like your brother or dad. But he proved you wrong. And you’ll never be able to forget that.

Your heart still pounding, you turn and head into the restaurant. There’s no point dwelling on the past, no point in feeling sad about what Jimin did or didn’t do. You need to focus on why you’re here.

Conan is exactly where you expected, where he always sits in this place.

He’s already drinking, a Bloody Mary in his hand, alcohol disguised at this early hour. He’s as large as you remember him, his frame taking up most of one side of the booth. He still slightly terrifies you, the man closest to your dad, he reminds you so much of him even though he hardly looks like him.

You walk towards him, keep your head held high as you feel Jimin trailing behind you. You weren’t lying when you said you didn’t think Conan killed your dad, but it also wasn’t the whole truth. He may not have made a move to gain more power but that didn’t mean he didn’t have a lot to gain from your fathers death. If anything you can relate to him, someone always in the shadows, you wouldn’t be surprised if he wanted more. Still, it doesn’t make killing someone right. If he killed your dad. Information is the main thing you want from this, if you get anything else, any inkling to more, then great.

“Y/N,” your name booms around the room when Conan spots you. He staggers to his feet, holds his arms opened wide as if waiting to be embraced. He’s acting like your friends, like he’s happy to see you, when you know for a fact he would have been the first to throw the party when you left.

“Conan,” you say in a far quieter yet still firm tone and hold your hand out for him to shake.

“So sorry about your father,” Conan carries on, taking your hand in both of his, his head shaking lightly as if truly distraught by the fact. Well, you guess he was as close to your dad as anyone could be, if anyone has a right be sad about your dads death, it’s him. “But I guess if we can see any bright side, it’s that you’ve finally come home.”

You don’t miss the lie in his words, but don’t say anything to call it out. This is all an act and luckily that is your strength.

“It’s appreciated. And I never got to say thanks for your lovely speech at the funeral. It was beautiful.”

It wasn’t, but the line works given the way Conan’s lips slightly curl upwards. Outwardly he only gives a dismissive “no problem” before letting go of your hand. You take his lead, let him take his seat before moving into your own, Jimin falling shortly behind so he’s sat next to you. Conan gives him a quick glance before his eyes fall back onto you. You hadn’t told him Jimin would be coming, but he doesn’t seem at all threatened by it.

“What do I owe the pleasure?”

“I believe my father was murdered.”

Jimin stiffens next to you, clearly caught off guard by your bluntness, but your focus is wholly on Conan who gives nothing away. He doesn’t look surprised by your statement, doesn’t look shocked you’ve put it do plainly, doesn’t seem surprised you’re here raising it with him. You make a note of everything.

Conan tilts his head, the gesture saying everything he doesn’t say; that doesn’t answer my question.

“You were close to my dad, if anyone has any idea who could have done it, it would be you,” you say. “What were his last movements?”

“I wasn’t he secretary,” his words are biting even though his face is all smiles.

“Oh, sorry, should I have gone to them? Would they have more information than you do?”

Your bait works, drawing him in, hook line and sinker.

“I was away,” he snaps, smile dropping off his face. “On business. Your father’s business in fact. Took his place last minute. I don’t know how this has anything to do with his death.”

You shrug, act unbothered. “It’s just a theory. And you’ll be one of the first to say that most theories I come up with are nonsense.”

Conan levels his gaze on you. The corner of his lips turns up slightly as if amused by your self-deprecation. And though he keeps his eyes on you, his next question isn’t directed at you.

“And what do you think about all of this, Park?”

If Jimin is surprised by the question directed to him he doesn’t show it, or at least his posture doesn’t because neither you nor Conan bother to look over at him.

“The Boss thinks it’s worth looking into and that’s all I care about.”

You see the flicker in Conan’s eyes at that. The Boss. Yoongi, no longer your dad. And here Conan sits where he once had Jimin’s role and now is drinking alcohol at 10am. He’s stooped in position since your father’s death, enough for most people to rule him out as a suspect. But you’re aware of something most people won’t be, that Conan now holds no power and that breeds its own desperation. He’s on the outside looking in like you always have been and you know the lengths he might go to try and regain his place.

“I’ll write you a list,” Conan finally says before taking a long gulp of his Bloody Mary, finishing it off. “Though I’m sure nothing exciting will rear its head. After all, I’d be killing the fucker if I thought anything had happened.”

“I don’t doubt it,” you reply, almost sounding bored. “Have it sent over to the house when it’s done,” you push to your feet, Jimin having to do the same so you can make your way out of the booth. “Sorry we couldn’t stay for food.”

There are no pleasantries as you leave. No goodbye’s or shakes of hands, Conan doesn’t even reply as you walk to the door. Jimin, however, is hot on your heels and you can sense his boiling desire to speak. He at least waits until you’re outside, the door to the restaurant closing behind you before he says anything.

“Well, that was a waste of time.”

You ignore him as you open the car door and slide into the back seat. You get a blissful few seconds of peace before the other door opens and Jimin slides in next to you.

“You know, I warned your brother that you’d be in over your head. I think that just proved it.”

“Going to run and tell him like the good little lap dog you are?” You can’t help but bite at the bait you know he so clearly left for you, twisting to look at him as the car pulls away from the curb.

There’s a ghost of a smile on his lips like he’s enjoying every second of this.

“Maybe I’ll enjoy watching you destroy yourself more.”

You roll your eyes, fall back into your seat. “Do you ever get bored of using the same lines over and over?”

“Haven’t so far.”

“Clearly,” you mutter, turning to look out the window.

The silence draws out for only a couple of seconds before Jimin breaks it. It would have been too good to think he’d remain silent the whole time.

“What good is a list going to do?”

“Maybe I just want to make Conan feel like he’s doing something useful.”

“Since when have you ever cared about him?”

You don’t reply to that one, just watch the world flashing past your window. The leaves on the trees are starting to come out, flowers blooming up from the ground. Spring has always been your favourite season, new life and new hope. And yet Jimin is ruining all of that peace by not keeping his mouth shut.

“Yoongi will be asking for reports,” he says and you pull your gaze from the beautiful world outside to the searingly handsome man sat next to you. “What am I supposed to tell him? That you’ve asked Conan to make a list? And you’re going to do what exactly with that?”

“Well, that wholly depends on what he writes.”

Jimin doesn’t seem impressed by your answer. His smile fading only for yours to blossom, like a weird game the two of you are playing.

“That’s not going to be good enough for Yoongi.”

“Sounds like your problem, not mine.”

Jimin’s eyes turn to fire. “And what if you get what you want? What if you get a place in this gang? You think Yoongi will be satisfied with these answers then? No, you’ll be gone before you’ve even joined.”

“It’s lovely to hear you still have such undying faith in me Jimin,” you bite, turning back to look out the window.

The tension in the car rises, both of you brooding but neither of you saying any of the words that whirl around your heads. It’s silent the whole way back to the house and you’re not sure if that’s better or worse than hearing what he has to say.

The bag swings lightly away from you, swinging back only for you to punch it away again. It feels good, the slight ache in your arm at the impact, the force of your fist hitting the punching bag. It drives your thoughts away, it gets your anger out, it helps you think straight. Because that’s what’s happened since you got here, or more what’s not happened; you can no longer think straight here.

Six years, you’ve had six years to prepare for this and yet why do you care more about what some guy thinks then making this all work. You shouldn’t be getting so riled up by Jimin, you should have forgotten him and moved on, but it doesn’t help when he is seemingly everywhere doing everything he can to not let you forget him.

You hit the bag again, watch and prepare yourself as it starts to swing back. Jungkook taught you, well, you taught yourself what you could at first and then there were those few lessons with Jimin, but it was Jungkook who really taught you. It’s how you met, in fact. At the gym, so far from where you stand now, you so un at ease, Jungkook looking like the gym was his home, all muscle and bulk.

It was one of your first weeks away at university and though you’d been so shamelessly shunned from your home and family, you still had a desire to join the gang. So there you were, stood in the gym, hoping to do some sort of training. But except for Jimin, you’d never actually exercised or punched in front of people before. It was daunting, and Jungkook seemed to take that in and offered you a helping hand. No one had ever done that before, well, one person had, and he’d subsequently broken your heart, so it was no surprise that you were wary. But Jungkook took you under his wing and over time you got closer. He was the family you had never had, and you shared your dreams with him and much to your surprise he said he wanted to help you achieve everything you wanted.

He's your best friend, your confident, your right-hand man, your brother.

You punch the bag and this time when it swings back towards you, you lift a hand to steady it to a stop. A bead of sweat rolls down your face, your hair damp with it.

You could spend all night here punching away your annoyances and still be left standing not rid of them all. But you can’t do that, you have more important things to do, like work out who killed your father.

“So what is it today?”

“Do you ever sleep?” You say the words through gritted teeth as you see Jimin leaning in the same spot he was yesterday morning.

“Or maybe it’s who or where that I should be asking,” Jimin ignores you.

You ignore him, do what you did yesterday and keep walking. Jimin tracks you with his eyes, only pushes off the wall when you reach his side. He falls into step behind you, the noise something that’s been haunting your sleep. Jimin, trailing behind you.

“Where’s your boyfriend?”

You’ve heard the question so many times, people see how close you and Jungkook are and assume that there must be more than friendship there. Ordinarily you would ignore them, what’s it to them if the two of you are intimate or not? But something about the way Jimin says it, or maybe because it’s Jimin who’s asking, irks you.

“Not my boyfriend,” you reply flatly and you’re not sure if the silence is because he’s surprised, actually thought you and Jungkook were a thing or because he’s considering what to taunt you with next.

“Still doesn’t answer my question. Where is he?” He replies a second later, giving no hint to what the pause was about.

“Where are we going? Who are we seeing? Where’s Jungkook?” You parrot his questions back to him as you enter the kitchen, stopping to turn and look at him only when you’re the opposite side of the room to him. He’s already leaning against the door frame, a small smile on his face, amused rather than annoyed by you. “You really have risen in power in the years I’ve been gone if all you can be trusted to do is follow me around all day.”

“Oh,” a wicked smile spreads across his lips and you prepare for the words. “Here’s me thinking you were going to be the next big thing? Isn’t it an important job to help important people?”

Your heart leaps even though you know it’s a lie. Jimin doesn’t think you’re important. If you couldn’t hear it in his sarcastic tone, then you can see it the way his eyes dance and in his crooked smile. Still, you have to turn away from him to gather some composure. Hope is a dangerous thing, and you don’t want any of it sparking inside you.

“How very sweet of you,” you say in the same sarcastic tone, back still to him as you busy yourself with making a coffee. “But you’re let off the hook today. Jungkook’s already left and I’m off to the spa, nothing you’ll be interested in.”

You turn, coffee made, to see a frown between Jimin’s brows. You try to act nonchalant, blow gently on the hot liquid in your cup as you stare at him through the steam.

“The spa?” He questions.

You nod. “My skins a mess. I need a facial.”

The words only make his frown deepen, like he’s trying to work out an impossible puzzle. He doesn’t reply, just stares back at you for a moment as if hoping to find the answer there. And then, as if by magic, it all disappears, the frown, the confusion, the stare, all replaced by that easy look he had before as he pushes himself straight. He walks towards you, standing right next to you as he makes a coffee for himself. He looks down at you, the proximity and glee more unnerving than the confused stare he was giving you moments ago.

“When do we go?”

“We?” The word bursts out of you and it gains another amused smile from Jimin.

“I thought we’d already gathered that I’m your babysitter,” he drops some sugar in his coffee, stirs it round as you stare at him, seething. “That means I go everywhere you go Princess.”

“Even to get a facial?” You ignore the nickname.

Jimin shrugs, that stupid smile still on his face. “You know, my face may be beautiful, but it could also do with some pampering.”

You’re not sure if it’s a dig. Neither of you have spoken about or acknowledged what happened six years ago, but the words still hurt. As much as you like to pretend, you’re still not over it.

“I’m surprised you’re not telling me I should be doing more to work out who killed my dad.”

“You know, I’ve never thought you were stupid Y/N. In fact, I’ve always thought the complete opposite, which is why it’s always surprised me you want to be here,” his words are so casual and yet your heart thumps with each word. You’ve never been this deep, this honest with one another, at least not since your return, and yet he’s acting so blasé about it. “I’m assuming there’s method to your madness. Or maybe, I want you to fail.”

You can see he means it by the look in his eyes. But for once he lacks all nastiness. It reminds you of all the times he said you were too good when growing up, that you were better than the gang, that you should aim for more. You’d not thought of that in a long time, even when he said it at the time you’d pushed it away, because what could be better than the power here, than belonging somewhere, having the large family that the gang presents itself as. But is that what he’s saying now? In his cool, unbothered manner, that he wants you to fail not because he can’t stand the sight of you but because he still thinks you’re better than this place?

You grow hot and break Jimin’s gaze, opting instead to walk back towards the door.

“We leave in ten,” you say over your shoulder.

You’re not here for a facial, as Jimin predicted, and you’re not sure if you’re more annoyed he didn’t believe the lie and therefore came or happy that he didn’t believe the lie and therefore is at least starting to not think so little of you. You don’t remind yourself of his words; I’ve never thought you were stupid Y/N, because that would imply he’s always had faith in you and you’re still in too fragile a place to fully evaluate why that’s such a painful a thought.

You may not be here for the primary reason of getting a facial, but it’s a perk of the task at hand. You sit, leant back in a chair, oils being rubbed into your skin with Jimin in the same position next to you. He wouldn’t have been your first choice in companion for a couples session, but it seems his trust of this being more than you implied only ran so deep – he wouldn’t let you come in here alone, no matter how hard you tried.

“I really needed this,” you say, eyes closed as the woman above you gently applies pressure to your temples.

“You look stressed,” the woman agrees. “We have some products that are good for under your eyes, might help with the dark circles?”

You can almost picture the smirk you know Jimin has on his face at those words, but you push your annoyance down and rid the image from your brain; you need to focus on why you’re here.

“That would be great,” you say. “I haven’t been sleeping well recently. My dad passed away recently.”

It’s not a lie, you’ve not been sleeping well, though the reason for it isn’t because of your dad, or more not because of his death. You’ve been staying in your old bedroom, and it’s become so hard to sleep at night with all the memories tied to the space. You could sleep anywhere else, could have a pick of the rooms in the building – not that it would help – or you could pay to stay in one of the many hotels in the city. But, be it stubbornness or something else, you chose to stay in your old room.

The woman doesn’t catch the lie though, as intended she hears what you say and her fingers falter on your face for half a second. Not much, but enough for you to know she’s caught on.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” she mutters. “We have some essential oils that might help you get to sleep better?”

“You know, I heard that he used to come here,” you ignore her question, feel her fingers stutter on your face again, can almost hear Jimin turn his attention towards you. “He liked to come as a way to unwind. I wonder if you ever met him.”

Her fingers draw away, slow as the room grows silent. You sit up and turn to look at her, her eyes are looking everywhere but you, body taught, she’s clearly very uncomfortable.

“I’ll go get those oils,” she mutters and starts to take a step before you stop her.

“What did he promise you? What did he do to you?” Her eyes go to you, wide, scared, and something you can’t read. “How did he hurt you?”

“He never hurt me,” her voice is lower, not the happy customer service tone she was using before.

You cock your head to the side and try not to sound too satisfied. “So you did know him.”

She blanches, but at least doesn’t try to run now.

“What did he give you?”

“Nothing,” she says. “I never wanted anything –”

“If you say you didn’t want anything but him, I think I might be sick.”

“He was different here. He wasn’t the man that he was pretending to be outside.”

“He was a gang leader,” you deadpan.

“He loved me. He cared for me.”

“Yeah, you and who else?”

You watch her jaw clench, and her fists roll into balls. You brace for her to step forward and hit you, but she doesn’t, just stands silently seething. You can see the truth in her eyes, can see that what you said was a good guess. She wasn’t the only one, and she knows it. But you can also see the fact that she isn’t capable of killing because of it, that your dad might not have really loved her, but she at least loved him. You can’t speak for the others, but if you’re information serves correctly she was the closest to him, if it was going to be anyone it would have been her.

“Don’t bother with the oils, I think we’re done here.”

You stand, see Jimin doing the same from the corner of your eye, you’d almost forgotten he was here he’s been so quiet.

“He didn’t deserve you,” she says, obviously not fully grasping who you are or what your relationship with your father was.

You turn and give her a full smile, the gesture causing her to flinch as if you’d pulled a knife out on her.

“Yeah, you’re right, he didn’t.”

Jimin is already stood holding the door open for you. You try to ignore the fact your hair is scraped back and you still have oil lingering on your skin. Ignore the looks you gain as you walk through the lobby and out to the car waiting for you.

Jimin slides in next to you and for once doesn’t talk immediately. There’s a minute or two of silence and then when he finally breaks it his voice is soft and the words aren’t a jab.

“How did you work that out? No one knew he had girls on the side.”

“Is that a compliment?” You look at him, mock shock in your tone.

He shrugs, neither confirming nor denying.

“I don’t know, it’s as if I can actually be useful. As if me wanting to join this gang isn’t because I think it’ll be shits and giggles, but because I’ve actually given it some thought.”

There’s a pause and then Jimin says softly, “Why?”

Confusion is written all over his face from your words. He doesn’t get it, he never has.

“I always saw you as a little girl, someone who wouldn’t hurt a fly. You were all smiles and giggles whenever I caught you on your own, so innocent despite where you lived,” he’s not saying it as a jab, purely stating facts, but the fact that’s how he saw you still makes something deep inside you burn. “You changed though. Not just now, but then too. You grew up and you became so twisted by your environment. And I never got it, I still don’t. You had a chance to get out, to have a normal life, to choose something other than this.”

There’s no question, but you still hear it. You let out a sigh before you start.

“It’s family,” you say, your voice now as soft as Jimin’s, both of you dropping the pretences if only for a moment. “Something I never grew up with, because even if I lived there, they never welcomed me and it was something I always craved, still do. I don’t have to love them, they don’t have to love me, but I still want their respect.”

“You don’t need it. You could have so much more.”

“But I want this.”

He shakes his head, a gentle movement, but enough to show you he still doesn’t get it.

“I’m not fragile. I can do this,” your voice has a bit more bite to it now, a small amount of annoyance seeping in.

“I know you can,” Jimin says, voice still soft. “But it doesn’t mean you have to.”

You take in a long breath. You feel like you’re going around in circles, swear you’ve had this conversation a thousand times and it’s still ending the same. He’ll never get it, none of them will ever get it.

“I’m not a little girl anymore.”

“I can see,” Jimin mutters across you, words so low they’re barely audible.

“I can make my own choices.”

Jimin sits up straight, his eyes roam your body, his head slowly nodding this time. You try not to blanch away from him, let his eyes wonder all they want until he finally comes back to meet your eyes. He stares at you, deep and his eyes full of something, like he’s about to say something. But then his eyes flick behind you and when his eyes go back to your face the look is gone, replaced by a certain emptiness, the mask he always wears around you now back on his face.

“Your brother wants to talk to you.”

You don’t expect it, eyes flick to the window to see what Jimin saw, you’re pulling up to the house. You look back to Jimin, wait to see if he’s going to say whatever was on his mind a second ago, but you can tell the moments passed. He looks closed, back to the Jimin you hardly recognise.

Someone comes to your door, opens it up as you stay sitting staring at Jimin.

“Right,” you say flatly, still silently hoping for more time, for just a few more minutes of not acting like you hate each other. “I guess I’ll go then.”

You sit and wait a beat but only get a nod from Jimin. And after everything that’s happened, there’s a certain amount of sadness as you step out of the car and head into the house, an emptiness in you as you walk to Yoongi’s office.

He’s sat looking at papers when you walk in and close the door behind you, doesn’t even look up to greet you.

“I heard you found his mistresses,” he glances up at you. “Congrats.”

You don’t say anything as you walk and take a seat opposite him. He lets the silence drag, takes his time to examine the paper in his hand before setting it down a levelling his gaze at you.

You’ve never had a close relationship, didn’t grow up like most siblings who tease each other, laugh and cry together. You hardly had anything to do with each other, him seven years your elder, too busy trying to impress your father to bother with you. But he was still your brother, still protected you, still took you under his wing at times. You were never close, but he still at least treated you like family, gave you a fair chance that no one else did.

“It’s more than you’ve managed I hear.”

He doesn’t wince or react to your backhanded words. Instead, he leans back into his chair, relaxes into the conversation.

“And what else have you managed to find out?”

“Jimin not doing a good enough job?”

“I want to hear it from you.”

You shrug, buy yourself a second or two to work out what you want to tell him and what you want to keep to yourself. Because although Jimin has been following you this whole time he’s still naïve to it all, can’t see the wood through the trees. You’ve used it to your advantage, the fact that they’re underestimating you is currently working in your favour, and you know far more than they realise. For one, Jungkook has been able to do what he wants, hasn’t had a tail like you, can go and talk to people you don’t want other’s hearing about. Feeds you information that only the two of you are privy to. Because if you’re going to do this, you don’t want there being any risk that it’s not clear that it was you who did it.

“I’m still working things out. But I know it wasn’t the girls, even if they had the opportunity and enough prerogative, they couldn’t have killed a man.”

“Ok,” Yoongi says, leaning forward so his elbows are on the desk. “And that’s all? You’ve ruled out some girls and no one else?”

You shrug, pretend to be disinterested and unbothered.

“I can call this deal off at any time. I don’t need you, I’m doing you a favour here.”

“And I’m grateful,” you say with a sarcastic smile.

It’s a dangerous game, you know, you just can’t help yourself. If there’s one thing you hate, it’s people looking down on you.

“So tell me what you’ve found Y/N. Something useful,” his voice is dark, a warning behind the words.

You don’t answer straight away, use his tactic against him, let the silence seep into him. He doesn’t let it show that it bothers him. At least he can take what he gives out.

“Do you know why dad hated me?” You watch a shadow cross Yoongi’s face, he wasn’t expecting you to say that, but he doesn’t stop you. “He told me once. Sat me down right here in this chair, in this room, like we are now and told me. I was eight years old and he told me that I reminded him of mum. I remember smiling as he described how my eyes were like hers, my smile, my kindness, my weakness. All like her.”

Yoongi stares at you, the darkness still in his eyes, but now it looks like it’s for a completely different reason. He seems more taught, seems to lean towards you as if he doesn’t want to miss a word. And though the anger boils up in you at the memory of little you being shattered apart, you’re glad that Yoongi is at least giving you the space to talk about the thing you’ve never told anyone.

You don’t know why you’re telling him, you’ve never told anyone before. A hidden secret between you and your dad. It always felt nasty growing up, something you didn’t want anyone knowing because if no one knew, maybe you could change it, maybe you could prove him wrong. But you’re done with being afraid of your dad, he’s dead, there’s nothing he can do to you now. And maybe it was the conversation in the car with Jimin, both of you opening up more than you have before that makes you tell Yoongi now.

“He told me that I would never amount to anything, just like her,” your voice is level despite your hammering heart. “The woman who he had children with, who gave birth to me, who died because of him. And he sat me down and said that I was so like her that he could hardly bare to have me living in the same house as him, that he couldn’t wait for me to leave and not be his burden.”

The silence seems stunned now, Yoongi’s stare almost sad. It at least makes you happy to know that he never knew that.

“He had to keep me around, couldn’t kick me out on the street, but he made it plainly clear what he thought of me. For all those years and everyone went along with it. Because he’s the boss, and what he says goes; I’m weak and I don’t belong here. I don’t blame you for the past, I just hope you’ll be better. I just want a chance.”

You don’t know what you wanted, outrage, sympathy, a promise or possibly a fight to contradict it, that he’s not like that. But what you get is silence, his signature.

You let out a short sigh before pushing yourself to your feet. His eyes follow you as you rise above him.

“I still need something from you,” his voice sounds thicker even though it doesn’t waiver. You hear everything he doesn’t say. You still need to do this, you still need to prove you deserve a place here.

You give him a small, short nod. You’re on the same page. Even if he welcomed you with open arms you’d need to prove yourself to everyone outside this room, still need to earn their respect. Yoongi can only do so much, he alone might be able to give you a place in the gang, but he alone can’t convince the hundreds of people below him, it might only ruin how he’s viewed.

You can do this. You want to do this. You give Yoongi the barest of smiles before turning and heading out the door. There’s a lot of work to be done.

You don’t go to the gym tonight, instead you go and watch people fight. You slip out the house the same way you do when you go to the gym, no one seeming to take note of your movements this late at night, as if they still see you as that young girl who has to go to bed at a reasonable time.

The fighting is not exactly what you’d call entertaining though. Men hitting men for money always feels barbaric to you. But you still stand in the crowd and watch unflinching, because although no one pays you any attention, you know there must be eyes on you.

Blood and spittle fly across the gym mat, sweat drips down each men’s face’s and you’re honestly surprised they’re still standing and still look so well put together. Well, at least one of them does, the other not so much. Still, round after round is punched and neither man claims victor. You’re not sure if it’s because the one man is enjoying taunting the other so much or more likely because he’s being paid to prolong it, but you’re sure he could have knocked the other man out and be finished in round one.

You clench your jaw as the weaker, more distressed man lands what looks like a solid punch on the other’s jaw. Are surprised when he seems to only shake off the hit, no teeth missing.

“He has your problem,” you tense at the low words whispered in your ear. You weren’t aware of anyone approaching and certainly no one standing so close, even in this crammed room. “Has his fist raised too high, so it lacks all the power.”

You twist you head to the side and almost bump your nose with Jimin’s he’s stood so close to you. You flinch back a centimetre and yet Jimin doesn’t move at the close proximity, stays exactly where he is.

“I don’t do that anymore,” you defend, trying to hide the flinch, a sure sign of weakness when Jimin didn’t react at all.

“Ah, because I taught you everything you know?”

“No. Jungkook did that,” you say flatly, no lie, but something crosses Jimin’s eyes at the words.

“Well, I at least taught you that,” he nods his head to the fighting ring, his voice lacking any humour now.

You turn back around, now fully aware of Jimin’s presence all down the back and right-hand side of your body. Has he moved closer or were you really that blind to his heat before? You turn in time to see the stronger, less ragged man finally land a knockout blow. The other man falls like a led balloon to the floor, no doubts of the clear win but still someone counts down from ten to see if he will rise. When he doesn’t the room erupts, and the stronger man does a half-hearted celebration.

“You definitely didn’t teach me that,” you have to turn back to Jimin to make sure he catches the words over the roaring of the crowd.

“I taught you to punch,” he raises an eyebrow.

“I taught myself to punch.”

“I taught you how to punch properly.”

You roll your eyes at him even though the small smile on your lips betrays you. Turning your head to look back at the fighting ring you catch the winning man going under the ropes in search of a quieter space.

A hand catches yours as you start to follow and you naturally tense.

“So I don’t lose you,” Jimin says lowly into your ear, his hand tightening in yours when you try to slip away.

In all the years you’ve known Jimin you can’t remember a time you held his hand, at least not like this. Warm, soft, you’d have imagined they’d be tough with callous, but they’re not. You could pull out of grip, tell him where you’re heading so he doesn’t lose you, but you do none of these things, keep his hand in yours and guide him through the room.

Even when you’re free of the crowd, where Jimin can walk comfortably by your side, neither of you let go of each other’s hands. At least not as quickly as you could. Instead, you wait until he steps beside you. He squeezes your hand in his and you can sense him looking down at you, but you don’t look at him, not sure what your face will give away if you do, and just like that the warmth of his hand is gone.

You try not to miss it, after all Jimin’s still there, the warmth of his body seeping into your side rather than the heat of his hand. And it’s not like it meant anything, not like you wanted it to mean anything.

“Where are we heading?” Jimin’s voice is further away than before but it still sends a tingle down your spin. You supress it though, remain stony faced, focus forward.

You don’t give him an answer, it’s obvious where you’re going and you know Jimin’s only asking it to break whatever tension has risen between you. At least you’re not the only one feeling something after that short hand hold, though you doubt Jimin’s feelings are the same as yours, he’s probably feeling more awkward about what he did, worried it will spark feelings you’ve long buried, and he long ago dismissed. Well, he has nothing to worry about, he well and truly made sure you will never tell him your feelings again, at least no positive ones.

There’s a burly man stood at the door that leads to the back rooms. You don’t even deign him with a look and you can’t help but feel immense pleasure when he doesn’t stop you from pushing through the door. You don’t even consider it’s more likely because Jimin’s in your presence, just feel a course of power going through you you’ve always longed to feel. This is what you want, this is why you’re doing everything you’re doing. It gives you a spark of new determination and your strides become longer and firmer as you push through the named locker room door.

There’s only a single person in here, the man who won. He’s shirtless, sweat dripping down his chiselled chest like beads of water, his hair is damp, ruffled as if he’s been running his hand through it. He’s sat, hunched over on one of the wooden benches, doesn’t even look up as the door opens and closes.

You take a minute to survey his body, for bruises and scratches you tell yourself, though you can’t deny the smooth pains are a perk. So what if your eyes linger on the hard bumps on his stomach or the wide pains of his shoulders?

There’s not a scratch on him, and though it takes time for bruises to swell and show you can tell that none will appear however long you wait. There are drips of blood on him, but you can tell even that isn’t his own. It’s impressive, you may not have enjoyed watching the fight but you can’t deny that he holds skill in the way he so easily controlled the fight for so long.

“Congratulations,” you finally break the silence and still the man doesn’t look at you, just stares down at his bloody knuckles. “It looked like a tough fight.”

It’s a lie, it didn’t look like a tough fight at all, the man had complete control over every punch – his own and his opponents. But it at least gets him to flick his eyes up at you. They go up, back down to his hands and then as if something caught his attention, go back and fully settle on your body. A heat akin to satisfaction goes through your body at the way he stares at you. You’d been hoping for it, had worn clothes that hug and accentuate your assets, but still, there’s nothing like a plan coming together.

“Did it?” The man cocks his head in question.

This time you let him see you look at him. Are slow with the way you drag your eyes down and then back up his body. And when you meet his face again, and even though he looks to be as chiselled as a Greek statue, there’s a flush to his skin.

“No, I guess it looked pretty easy,” you smile at him and to your satisfaction see him start to smile back.

“And is that why you’re here?” Though his face is tinged pink, his voice is still silky smooth, the bass of it reverberating through you. “To congratulate me?”

“Is there something else you’d like me to do?”

The man sits up straighter, his chest now fully exposed to you as his eyes widen, drinking you in and no doubt thinking of the many other things he’d like to be doing to you. You let him look, let him imagine it all and don’t baulk away from it.

But, before he can open his mouth and reply, before he can tell you all the delicious things that are running through his mind, something – or more someone ­– steps up beside you and ruins your fun.

The mans eyes go from you to Jimin as if only just realising you’re not the only two people in the room. He straightens, not in the way he did when reacting to you, but more becoming stiff and rigid.

“Park.”

“Joon.”

Of course, they know each other. It would have been too good to have assumed Jimin’s presence would go unnoticed. But when you turn to your side to look at Jimin and shoot him a look of disdain, he’s as stiff and taught as the man sat down.

“Good fight,” Jimin says, eyes not drifting to look at you and your glare. In fact, he has the audacity to take another step forward, now stood slightly in front of you, his body partially blocking you. You could strangle him you’re so annoyed. “How much did you make from controlling the fight like that?”

Over Jimin’s shoulder you can see the man – Joon – look from you to Jimin, his jaw clenching, eyes narrowing.

“What is this?”

“Ignore him,” you push past Jimin, possibly a bit harder than necessary. “He’s just my bodyguard.”

Joon’s eyes light up as they go to Jimin. “Park Jimin, a bodyguard? Well there’s a turn for the books.”

“I prefer the term protector.”

“Not that there’s anything to protect,” you smile sweetly at the man and take a step closer so you can hold your hand out. “Y/N.”

He holds your gaze as he takes your hand. “Namjoon.”

His hand is as large as the rest of his body, warm and luckily the blood has long dried so it’s not wet. His grip is firm and it’s not your fault if your hands linger in his a little longer than necessary. It’s only Jimin shuffling behind you that gets Namjoon to break eye contact and only a glance behind you that has him immediately dropping your hand. Yep, you’re going to murder Jimin and his protective ass.

“Ignore him,” you say. “I don’t even know why he’s here.”

And you don’t, now you think of it, you assumed no one followed you. But then, wasn’t it Jimin’s job to follow you. And you may have mixed feelings towards him at the moment, but you at least know that he’s thorough enough at his job to not have let you slip out unnoticed so easily.

“Yeah, you have nothing to protect here Jimin,” a wicked, cheeky smile takes over Namjoon’s face as he looks from Jimin back to you. It makes your stomach coil in a good way. “And what is it I can do for you?”

“Many things,” you purr.

“Let me rephrase. What do you want me to do first?”

You pause as if to consider. “Well, I would say you look like you could do with a shower.”

The implication is left in the way you say the words and a glint sparks in Namjoon’s eyes. He shuffles as if he’s about to stand up and then a hand comes to your shoulder and you’re dragged a step backwards.

“Whatever the fuck this is, you’re not doing it and pretending I’m not here,” Jimin says lowly from beside you.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t realise you’d want to be involved,” you say in a butter wouldn’t melt voice, sarcastic smile on your lips before turning back to Namjoon. “Do you mind?”

Namjoon doesn’t smile back, the playful glint in his eye is gone and you know it’s because of the death glare he’s receiving from Jimin. The man just easily won a fight, controlled it perfectly, and yet he’s scared of Jimin. You know Jimin has a reputation, have heard stories growing up, but you have never witnessed this before, only the respect he’s earnt from the gang, not the fear he gets from outsiders. You’re not sure how you feel about it, but something inside you flutters.

You can almost feel the annoyance rolling off Jimin, more than ever before. As much as you’d like to keep pushing this, part of you is worried what might happen if he were to finally give up with your shit and snap.

You roll your eyes as you look back at Jimin. “What? It’s not like you’ve ever been interested before.” You see a flash of something cross his eyes before you turn back to Namjoon. Jimin doesn’t stop you when you take a step back towards him, hand going into your pocket for something. “I came because I’m a fan. And because I’d be interested to talk. Maybe another time?”

It takes him a second but he accepts the card you offer him, blank except for your phone number written on one side. His eyes flick over the digits before he gives you a small nod. Satisfied you tell him you’ll speak soon before turning and heading out the door you entered.

There’s another fight happening, but you pay it no attention as you go to the exit. You know Jimin’s behind you, can sense all his feelings flowing off him in waves.

You pause when you get outside, the car you told to wait for you is gone, and you stopped lets Jimin push past you. He doesn’t say anything as he goes to the parked car a few spaces away and gets into the drivers seat.

You fume, stand stubborn in your spot. It’s a predictable move, Jimin telling your driver to head home and he’ll make sure you’re safe, but it’s not something you’d thought of. And you’re resistant to get in Jimin’s car.

Both of you wait each other out. You stood unmoving. Jimin idling in his car.

You give in first. Let out a huff only you hear before you walk to the passenger side of the car and climb in. The door is barely closed, your seatbelt not even on, before Jimin goes into first and accelerates away.

He doesn’t have to say anything. His body language, the way he’s reacting telling you everything. He’s pissed. You just can’t tell exactly which part of the night he’s most pissed about. The fact you left the house alone without telling anyone? Where you went? The fact you went and spoke to Namjoon, flirted with him? Or the fact you did it all so un-bashfully in front of him as if he wasn’t there?

You have to look out the side window to hide the fact there’s a small smile on your lips. There’s something about this protective, jealous Jimin that amuses you. Sure, he’s an ass and has no right to feel any of this towards you, but still, it gives you some form of pleasure to witness it. You’d never tell him that though.

“What’s your game?” Jimin finally says after a few minutes.

You continue to look out the window, hide your face from his inquisitive eyes you know are flicking in your direction, trying to read the answer there.

“No game,” you lie.

“So you’re telling me you went there tonight because you actually wanted to watch a fight?” His tone is flat, like he can’t even imagine you answering yes.

“I’m a fan of Namjoon’s,” you say before turning to see his reaction. His jaw is clenched and his eyes are firmly fixed on the road. “Just wanted to make some more friends.”

“You didn’t even know his name.”

“Sure. But come on, even you can admit one look at him and there’s not many that wouldn’t instantly want to know him.”

He shakes his head. Eyes flick quickly to you and then back to the road.

“You’ve changed, Y/N. You’re not the young girl I used to know.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. You just never chose to see me back then. I’ve not changed at all.”

“Says the girl who refused to see that every boy was chasing after her. Who wasn’t interested in boys at all, let alone flirting so openly.”

“Yeah, well that was because I only had eyes for you.”

Even in the dark light you can see the flush that creeps up Jimin’s neck. You didn’t say it to have the upper hand, you just said it because it’s the truth and you’ve been dancing around the topic for too long. You don’t particularly want to sit down and hash it all out, but you’re also kind of sick of pretending that it didn’t happen. It changed and shaped you into the person you are, everything Jimin has done for you has, and you’re sick of pussy footing around it to what? Save face? Well, you’re sick of feeling embarrassed about it.

“Anyway, I meant that you always saw me as the young dumb little kid.”

“I didn’t think you were dumb,” he’s quick to rebut. “Do you really think that’s what I thought?”

You don’t reply and your silence is answer enough. It’s not that you thought that, but more that you know he always saw you as a little sister, and though he took you under his wing, you knew that he was just like everyone else with his thoughts that you didn’t belong in the gang.

“I thought the complete opposite – I think you’re smart Y/N. You went to school, got into university. Hell, I could hardly make it through the few classes I actually attended growing up.”

“You don’t even know what grade I got at uni,” you mumble.

“A first,” he replies easily and you shoot your wide eyes to him. You can tell it’s not a guess or assumption, he says it with a certainty that shows he knows the answer. “You may not have spoken to me, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t forget about you or want to know what you were doing with your life.”

Your heart cracks a little at the knowledge. You thought he’d abandoned you that day he broke your heart, thought that was him throwing you out with the trash. You had never thought for a second that he still thought about you, you hoped but you never thought those late night fantasies could actually be truth.

“You never messaged me,” your words come out slightly husky, full of emotion.

Jimin shrugs as if it’s not a big issue. “I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me.”

The idea sounds bizarre to you, because even thinking back on everything, you know for a fact that if Jimin had reached out at any point you would have leapt on it. Even after feeling betrayed, after the disappointment, after all the tears and at times the hatred you felt towards him for the way he went about things; you’d still have loved for even a simple message from him. He may have rejected you, may have broken your heart, but Jimin meant so much more to you than a simple crush. He could have sent a simple hi, could have let you know that he was thinking of you, could have said anything, but he didn’t. And now your relationship is this; weird and taught with an awkward tension and hardly able to hold a conversation with one another.

“We really messed up, huh?”

Jimin glances over at you, uncertainty in his eyes until he sees the small smile on your lips. The smile doesn’t show up on his lips and a spike of worry goes through you. He focuses back on the road as he speaks again.

“You shouldn’t have come back.”

You tense, it wasn’t spoken as a threat, still said in the same soft tone he’s been using for the entire conversation.

“I’ll forever feel guilty for what I did to you, for how I made you feel, but I’ll never be sorry for it,” your heart hammers as you watch Jimin talk. “I’ve missed you, but you don’t belong here Y/N. You can’t stay here.”

“I thought we just went through this,” you whisper, voice husky.

“I can’t watch you break. I can’t watch them break you Y/N,” you’re pulling into the drive and Jimin rolls to a stop before any of the outside lights reach your windows. He turns to you, even through the darkness you can see the raw emotion in his eyes. “Because that’s what they’re doing. Kill you, twist you, change you, it’s all the same and I’m not going to sit here and watch it happen.”

Your eyes flick between his, frown between your eyes. He’s never been this real with you and you wonder if it’s because you’ve never truly been alone until this moment. Walls have ears in your house, but here in Jimin’s car you might be the most alone you’ve ever been.

“Then don’t watch.”

Jimin shakes his head. “Don’t you think I would if I could.”

“Then leave.”

He huffs out some air, a laugh lacking any humour. Frustration, this time you’re the one not understanding him.

“Don’t you think I would have done that a long time ago if I could. I’m tied now, I can’t leave. But that doesn’t mean you can’t, you still have time.”

He sounds desperate, wants you to understand while he has you here listening. He leans towards you as he speaks, his words spilling out of him as if they’ve been locked inside and now they’re finally able to escape they trip over themselves in the rush to get out.

“I don’t want to,” you whisper, and you think you see something break in Jimin’s eyes as he falls away from you. “Is that why you did it? All those years ago, you knew I’d leave if you turned me down so cruelly.”

A muscle twitches in Jimin’s jaw as he looks away from you and it’s all the confirmation you need to know you have him. Things click into place, the long dead hope starts to spark in you. It’s still not easily forgiven, but it at least makes sense.

“I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“But you did. And I didn’t want to leave.”

You sit staring at Jimin as he stares out the window.

You’ve never been so open with each other while also never feeling so far apart. At least you’re getting things out, but at the same time you wish he hadn’t said anything. Your minds whirling, everything you thought was true is now thrown into question.

You don’t know what you do now, don’t know where you sit with Jimin.

You look out the window to the house, see the door closing, your eyes missing however walked in. You want to say more but also have nothing to say. Emotions are still raw and though you’re opening up you’re not sure that either of you can go back to how things were, too much has happened.

“Thanks for the lift,” you say eventually.

Jimin doesn’t reply, doesn’t look at you, doesn’t move as you unbuckle and climb out of the car.

Your mind can’t move away from the conversation as you head inside. Passing by people you hardly take in their stares as you blindly walk to your room. You feel so angry, yet also somewhat relieved. Like some weird paradox inside your mind.  

He didn’t want to hurt you. Bullshit. He knew exactly what he was doing. You know he did it on purpose. But now you know he did it to get rid of you, not because he thought you were weak, not because he thought women don’t deserved a place here, but because he thought you deserved better. It’s something he’s always said, and yet why is it only sinking in now?

And then all that shit about being trapped here. You’re not naïve to how the gang works, how it’s easy to join – in every case but yours it seems – but it’s so much harder to leave. But you’ve always viewed Jimin as different. He isn’t trapped, he joined as a young child because he wanted to and has stayed because he’s good and he wants to. That’s right, right?

And it irks you that he can’t stop going on about how he viewed you back then, and how much you’ve changed now. Yeah, no shit, you’re not a young kid anymore. What was he expecting? Everyone changes through their teens, let alone now into your early 20s. Is that why he seems to hate you now, why he has been acting so different around you, because you’ve changed and he can no longer stand what you’ve become?

But then he was also nice. He opened up to you. He actually talked to you about his thoughts and feelings. And even if you disagree with so much of what he said, isn’t it a step forward? Shouldn’t you be happy? It’s at least a step to going back to how you were, because although you shouldn’t care, you can’t deny that you miss Jimin, that you wouldn’t leap at the chance to have him back in your life.

You stomp up the stairs, throw your door open so that it hits and then rebounds off the wall. You’re fuming. Start to pace not even realising you’re muttering let alone noticing that there’s someone in the room with you.

“Someone’s got their knickers in a twist.”

You stop, turn to glare at Jungkook, jaw clenched shut. He’s leaning against the wall, something in his hand. There was a smile on his face before you looked at him, but by the time you saw it was swiftly falling away.

“Why is it men always feel the need to lean on things?” You snap.

To his credit Jungkook doesn’t stand up straight, just stares at you before raising an eyebrow.

“Men are fucking annoying is all,” you grind the words out.

“While that’s a very sweeping statement, I can’t disagree,” Jungkook replies smoothly.

You want to retain your anger, don’t want Jungkook to make you feel better. You’re still not done brooding, still not finished being angry at Jimin and his stupid fucking ideas.

“What is it Jeon?”

Finally Jungkook stands taller, his face falling flat, more serious. A nerve twitches in your jaw, mentally you prepare yourself. He lifts his hand, that thing in his hand you’d dismissed coming back into view. A piece of paper, nothing special, but your eyes flick from it to Jungkook, anxiety rising in you.

“I went where you told me,” he states, his voice dropping an decibel. “And I found some stuff you need to hear.”

Part 2

[cherry-interlude]

Lana Del Rey Songs Categorised

I didn't include a few but that's covers/demos / sorted by vibe/lyrics / there are other versions of this that could be made

Bad Girl - Lana's bad girl songs that make you feel cool af

Scarface

Summer of Sam

Making Out

Put Your Lips Together

Dum Dum

Kinda Outta Luck

Children of the Bad Revolution

Dangerous Girl

Girl That Got Away

Maha Maha

Hangin' Around

Catch and Release

Queen of the Gas Station

Gramma

Smarty

St Tropez

I Learned How To Make Love

Teen Romance

Prom Song (Gone Wrong)

Paris

Puppy Love

Television Heaven

Love

Back To Tha Basics

Brooklyn Baby

Me and My Boyfriend

Sweet Romance - Somewhat gentle and cute romance songs

Starry Eyed

When I'm With You

JFK

Because of You

Daddy Issues

Tulsa Jesus Freak

Bartender

Groupie Love

Lust For Life

Lucky Ones

American

Joshy and I

Dreamgirl

For K Part 2

You Mister

Coca Cola

How Do You Know Me So Well?

Stoplight Delite

Serious Romance - They have a more serious tone but they're genuinely romantic

Yosemite

Swan Song

Cinnamon Girl

Living Legend

True Love - Deep and romantic

Let Me Love You Like A Woman

Young and Beautiful

Life Is Beautiful

Venice Bitch

Love Song

California

Old Money

Off To The Races

Video Games

Never Let Me Go

On Our Way

Heartbreak - Songs for feeling all kinds of sad romantically

Thunder

Hallucinogenics

Fine China

French Restaurant

Hollywood's Dead

Your Band Is All The Rage

Afraid

Some Things Last A Hard Time

Happiness Is A Butterfly

White Mustang

Norman Fucking Rockwell

Terrence Loves You

The Blackest Day

Cruel World

Dark Paradise

Summertime Sadness

Blue Jeans

Pawn Shop Blues

Westbound

Methamphetamines

F You - Aimed for people who kind of suck

Tired of Singing the Blues

Noir

Playground

It's Not You It's Just Me

Damn You

In My Feelings

High By The Beach

Flipside

In The Sun

So Legit

Seduction - Sexual songs generally

Trash Magic

Us Against The World

Marilyn

Meet Me In The Pale Moonlight

Paradise

Playing Dangerous

Behind Closed Doors

You Can Be The Boss

Party Girl

Pussycat Kittycat

BBM Baby

Big Bad Wolf

Be My Daddy

Ooh Baby

Push Me Down

Delicious

Freak

Salvatore

Daddy's Girl

Burning Desire

Mermaid Motel

Yayo

Disco

Hey You

Body Electric

Kill Kill

Jimmy Gnecco

Wolf T-Shirt

Sad Romance - Kind of toxic romance or the darker side of romance

TV In Black and White

I Talk To Jesus

Colour Blue

Put The Radio On

My Best Days

Resistance

Velvet Crowbar

Breaking Up Slowly

Fuck It I Love You

The Next Best American Record

The Greatest

Cherry

Summer Bummer

Tomorrow Never Came

24

Shades of Cool

Black Beauty

Is This Happiness?

Million Dollar Man Pretty Baby

Drive By

Hey Blue Baby

Greenwich

Hawaiin Tropic

Axl Rose Husband

Butterflies Part 1

Heartshaped Chevrolet

Bellevue

Ben

How To Disappear

Dreamy - Aesthetically pleasing songs sonically, and a lot of Lana's songs are but these stand out the most

Yes To Heaven

Angels Forever Forever Angels

Ave Maria

Wayamaya

Roses Bloom

Honeymoon

Art Deco

Religion

West Coast

Guns and Roses

Bel Air

Cherry Blossom

Dangerous Love - Jealousy and obsession

Your Girl

Is It Wrong?

Jealous Girl

She's Not Me

Serial Killer

Caught You Boy

Roses

Criminal and Gangsta Love - The bad romances

Queen of Disaster

Backfire

Beautiful Player

Crooked Cop

Hundred Dollar Bill

Gangsta Boy

Live or Die

Hit and Run

Ghetto Baby

Every Man Gets His Wish

Live Forever

Bad Boy

Match Made In Heaven

Bops - They're good for bopping

Roll With Me

Motel 6

Florida Kilos

Brite Lites

Diet Mountain Dew

Boom Like That

Starlet - A lot of Lana's songs feature starlets but these are the songs that let her shine as a star

Hollywood Dynamite

Fake Diamond

A Star For Nick

Radio

Strong - Being the stronger one in the relationship

Lift Your Eyes

Serene Queen

Break My Fall

Big Eyes

I Can Fly

Get Free

Mariner's Apartment Complex

Ride

All You Need

Junky Pride

Move

There's Nothing To Be Sorry About

More Mountains

In Wendy

Wild One

Wait

Weird Vibe - They either sound creepy or just have an unsettling feel

Bentley

C U L8r Alligator

Strangelove

You and Me

Let My Hair Down

Get Drunk

Betty Boop Boop

Jump

Raise Me Up (Mississippi South)

Jesus Is My Boyfriend

Hmm - They could go into other categories but they are songs that have darker, disturbing elements

Baby Blue Love

1949

Roller Derby

Heavy Hitter

Boarding School

Ultraviolence

Lolita

Put Me In A Movie

Sad Girl - Songs with a sad vibe

Last Girl on Earth

All Smiles

Wait For Life

Hope Is A Dangerous Thing For A Woman Like Me To Have - But I Have It

13 Beaches

Heroin

Music To Watch Boys To

God Knows I Tried

Pretty When You Cry

Carmen

This Is What Makes Us Girls

Without You

Oh Say Can You See

Born To Die

Valley of the Dolls

Stripper - Pure stripper theme

Go Go Dancer

Dance For Money

Midnite Dancer Girlfriend

Other Woman - Pure other woman theme

Other Woman

True Love On The Side

Sad Girl

Cola

Next To Me

Money/Fame/Materialism - Songs that revolve around those three things

Money Power Glory

Fucked My Way Up To The Top

Gods and Monsters

National Anthem

Breaking My Heart

Makes You Think - Deeper songs

Coachella

God Bless America - And All The Beautiful Women In It

When The World Was At War We Kept Dancing

Beautiful People Beautiful Problems

Change

Money Hunny

Looking For America

Songs That Sound Like Diary Entries - More personal tracks

I Must Be Stupid For Being So Happy

My Momma

Wild At Heart

Dark But Just A Game

Not All Who Wander Are Lost

Blizzard

Elvis

White Dress

Aviation

Run Motorcycle

Out With A Bang

Dance Til We Die

Bad Disease

Fordham Road

I Don't Wanna Go

For You

Try Tonight

You're Gonna Love Me

Outliers - They're more happy

Come When You Call Me

Birds of a Feather

Driving In Cars With Boys

[obeymeluv]

Cute + Awkward Headcanons (SFW/NSFW)

Trying to turn a bad day around, so I thought of these

Lucifer

Sometimes you can’t tell if he’s giving you bedroom eyes or if he’s actually angry. Lucifer has spent THOUSANDS of years glaring at his brothers and doesn’t know if he’s just staring or glaring

I think he’s super out of practice with romance so he’s hella awkward but when he gets that first positive sign that you’re into him, the charm and pride wakes up and suddenly he’s smooth AF

Flirts so formally he misses his shot 8/10 times

Has a habit of trying to police you like one of his brothers and it’s a knee-jerk, 1000+ year reaction to looking after 6 man-children of various difficulties. Always owns up and apologizes

Has accidentally almost made you pass out from kissing too long. Forgets you don’t have the same lung capacity

BRUISES YOU TO HELL! FORGETS SO MUCH! FEELS SO BAD!

That’s why he has the gloves, to soften his grip because he was one of the strongest in the Celestial Realm and that translates to power in the Devildom

Only complains to you about his back pain from long nights burning the candle at both ends. You find it cute and sad at the same time

Is probably physically very heavy given his stature and the weight of his wings, so if he falls asleep on you, you’re trapped

Rare midnight snack dates when he MUST finish papers by the deadline.

You may or may not have had a Demonus date in his study when a particularly bad batch of paperwork was finally done

You’ve probably cracked at least one (1) antique wood chair

Quickly learned he CANNOT spank you because that shit seriously bruised your ass. You either need a strengthening charm or he has to re-learn how to use his strength around people

That caused one awkward visit to the infirmary because you didn’t know if you were just sore, pinched, dislocated, or cracked. Turns out you were fine. There was no mistaking that hand print, though

It was the second time he’d apologized so profusely in his life. There was no pride left in this man.

You had a special cushion to ease the pain and it looked top of the line (hella fancy. Could probably resell it as fake Gucci in the human world.)

Lucifer gives me big dom vibes and orgasm denial/over-stimulation kink because of his pride basically demanding you beg for him. You passed out at least once from over-stimulation.

When you first start dating he wouldn’t want to own up to any awkward boners so if you sit in his lap while he’s taking a paper break, he’ll make every excuse under the sun (”That’s my belt,”, etc.)

Mammon

This boy is nothing but awkward moments, are you kidding me?

It’s a lot of ‘open mouth, insert foot’ because he can’t be upfront with his feelings. It’s partly not wanting to lose any ‘cred’ he has with people, but also because he’s embarrassed and can’t be honest

There’s lots of tracking you down to sort out things you might have overheard (that he didn’t honestly mean if they sounded bad)

Super sentimental about anything to do with you. You once kissed a piece of Grimm as a good luck charm for his exam and he’d kill someone over it. Always has it on him.

This lovable doofus just assumes you’re dating because you’re always together and you’re perfect and he’s your best man so who’s better?!

When you actually ask him out (with something silly, like ‘I think us dating would be pretty cash money’), he’s so confused. (”But we’ve been dating for, like, a month! Right, human?!”)

He talks big but he’s weak. You’ll always be able to fluster him

Wanted to make love to you on some Grimm and quickly realized that it’s uncomfortable. Porn lied to him and the idea’s ruined. You guys cut the session short to find every piece of Grimm so you can actually lay in the bed

 Tends to plunk his head down on your chest and demand scratches/cuddles and has bruised you several times.

Accidentally fought you once or twice for his glasses while half asleep. Levi, Asmo, and Satan used to take them and hide from him

You learned he’s actually hella blind (contacts with non-prescription sunglasses or prescription yellow glasses) and have walked him around the House of Lamentation several times when his glasses went missing

He’ll complain about his brothers having it out for him and getting back at him, but it turns out they just wanted to make an excuse for you guys to hold hands. It’s like a date!

Made you hit your head on the headboard once when he was doing missionary style. Had to stop and check on you, then it got awkward. He cuddled and kissed you the whole time, though. Even got you an ice pack!

The type to flirt with you, try to lean on something, and take himself out on the way down

You’ve had a few of those cliche ‘trip and fell on each other’ moments

Has accidentally swung you into doors and walls trying to scoop you up and run/march out of a room

Levi

This boy is also super awkward

When you’re alone, he’s an absolute sucker for any kind of affection you can give. This boy will literally slither across the floor to make himself comfortable in your lap so he can game.

Pet his hair. He loves that.

Will also have to re-train himself on how to be with you in public. With him, it’s not making fun of a ‘normie’ as much.

Not big on PDA but will definitely hold your hand. How ELSE are people going to know you’re together?!

You get cute matching shirts or jewelry with the ‘Player 1, Player 2′ theme

Does a lot more snake-like things with his tongue. Especially when frustrated. Rub his jaw and chin to see it come out a little bit. It’s like a happy floppy dog tongue, just not as long or wide.

Craves a soft, warm thing to sleep on. You will be his new bed.

The first time you had sex, he broke out his demon form because he looked at you and loved you. He knew he’d get jealous if anyone ever saw you.

Was a little clumsy but determined. Sank in and started going at it, but wanted to look down and watch. He got his horns stuck in your hair and had to stop.

Is #1 fan when you’re naked. (”Ugh. Smother me.”) Boy can’t stand it. He needs it.

Tries to dress a little nicer (even if it’s casual) when you guys go out on dates.

You pack little snack bags when he stands in line for midnight releases and GODDAMN he’s gonna marry you?!

If you’re napping together and someone comes to wake him up or needs you, he just glares at them from underneath you, tail swishing threateningly. No one takes his human, okay?!

He has over-the-ear headphones but I bet he carries earbuds and has probably done that ‘share an earbud’ thing to hold you close and listen to music

Do you need to get up while he’s still sleeping? Untangle yourself and tuck your pillow in his arms. He’ll be fine. Bonus: you get to see the snuggling in action.

Between all the anime and centuries in the Devildom, he’s gotten used to using tails as another way of expression. They act subconsciously based on what the demon’s thinking. He’s surprised both of you several times by accidentally wrapping you up in his tail because he doesn’t want you to leave.

When he gets visibly uncomfortable in social situations, slip him something with your scent on it. It’s comforting. If you make up an excuse to get him out of there (he’s your escort and all), he’s over the moon.

Satan

Had more awkward moments than he’s willing to admit, but he’s more open about them than Lucifer. Basically, if someone guesses it happened, he won’t deny it.

BOY HAS A BOWTIE KINK. PLAY WITH HIS. STEAL ONE AND WEAR IT!

Has probably tripped over books walking you through his room or rushing to answer the door (not that you’d know how happy it makes him).

There’s a 50-50 chance that he’ll steal a glance and act like he didn’t, hiding behind an upside down book or something

Has definitely dropped books on his head after charming them down from the shelf. Your voice just sucks all his concentration up. You get bonus points for checking on him because some of those books are HELLA HEAVY

Say the right thing during a quiet tea session and you might hear him choke

Has probably been outed by one of his friends. Satan always seems to make friends without trying and gets invited to tons of stuff. What didn’t seem like a date turns out to DEFINITELY be a date (according to the friend).

Plan some silly treasure hunt/detective date and this guy is yours for life (especially if you’re the prize at the end).

Isn’t the most upfront about the disdain for his demon form, or how he feels weird about not being a true angel (just an extension of Lucifer), so expect a lot of raw, near-tears conversations in his demon form.

Hold him, run your fingers along the inside of his wings and the tips of his horns and Satan hugs you like there’s no tomorrow. He’ll cry, but he doesn’t regret these tears because they’re healing.

Weak for hand kisses. Smooch them hands.

Not super into PDA, but he’ll do other things to show he cares like carry your books and make sure you know what the weather’s like before you leave

Satan still hasn’t lived down the time Lucifer and the others broke down his door because they smelled blood and thought he’d hurt you. Turns out you guys were having sex and he just bit too hard.

Wouldn’t talk to any of them for a week. He swept you up on an impromptu hotel vacation and you continued to avoid everyone by shopping and eating at cafes.

The type to hold your panties hostage or like a trophy. Gives them back eventually, and enjoys watching Mammon almost have an aneurysm as he tries to figure out why his room smells so strongly of you.

Tea dates, cat cafe dates, and plenty of couple pictures with cat filters. Satan’s Devilgram activity goes up substantially when he’s dating.

You’re not his lock screen, but you’re his background. 

Asmo

When you two start dating Asmo is literally the happiest demon in all of Devildom. Yeah he’s smug and cute like ‘how could they NOT fall for beautiful me?’ but boy is literally so stoked. All of that babble’s just a cover for how sickeningly happy he is

Thinks the world of you.

Wants to spend all his free time with you, be it napping and cuddling, shopping, getting pampered, or just doing your nails.

Now that he has that real, true love he doesn’t want to be without you.

You trend on Devilgram at least once

SO MANY PICTURES

Took you shopping for perfumes and has the tester strip you used to pick your perfume taped to his vanity. Then he can smell it whenever he likes!

Gives you a small thing of his cologne for when you get lonely or want to smell like him

Boy is super, super extra. Probably has matching shirts that say he’s yours and you’re his.

The type to get couple’s pillows, cups, and pajamas. You also get couple’s massages.

If you wear lipstick, he’s definitely made you a custom one at some exclusive-invite Devilgram event. He put your initials on the base of the tube and thinks it’s the cutest damn thing. His pride and joy--it’s basically a child.

There’s no shame in the bedroom with this one. I really doubt he’d have awkward moments because he has a lot of experience and has run into a lot of things that he’s handled one way or another. It’s gentle coaching and some sweet teasing.

The most embarrassing thing he’s ever done is probably moaned/whined at the wrong time. Or said something semi-naughty at a bad time. He’s not easily shamed so that doesn’t really matter, either.

He melts at the gentlest touches and will be SO dramatic about it, like half fainted into his bed.

Is easily hypnotized by jewelry. He’ll massage your ears if you have earrings in, cooing over them and wanting to look at them. If he’s laying on you and you’re wearing a necklace, he plays with it the whole time.

Beel

Smart but distractable. Beel’s love language revolves around protection and food so pack him a lunch for practice or bring him something from a town date with one of the bros and he’s super excited

He means well but forgets his own strength so there’s a lot that can go wrong in the bedroom

Has probably broken his bed several times

Had sex on the kitchen counter and the bros only found out because one of them was setting up dinner prep and one of the legs just gave out

Big, snuggly bear. Best hugs.

Hardest to wake up because he tends to sleep well and easily. It’s a side effect of being connected to Belphie. Will hug you to him and keep snoring. You have to get someone else to wake him up because he’ll just snuggle you the more you move around and talk

I headcanon that Beel does a tongue thing like Levi, mostly because his cardinal sin is gluttony and that helps get the food in his mouth faster. It’s not as slender or serpentine as Levi’s, but it definitely moves.

Has licked you in his sleep as an affectionate thing.

Loves to snuggle into your hair when he sleeps.

Bite mark king. He’s so affectionate and earnest when he makes love that he just ends up leaving all kinds of signs on you--mostly bite marks but when he’s conscious of leaving too many, they turn into hand prints.

Makes the purr sound when he’s inside of you. Purrs very easily.

Most of his awkward moments come from being oblivious. He’s the kind of guy you have to out-and-out tell you’re flirting with him, that you like him and want to date him.

Beel’s also very shy with flirting. He thinks you’ll just understand that he’s flirting when he shares food or wants to hug, or just anything. It can be missed because he’s generally chill and friendly.

Was royally embarrassed by Asmo (on accident) when he didn’t eat as much at dinner one night and you were ‘too tired’ to come down. Beel went to carry your food up and Asmo somehow found out he’d eaten you out right before. He was filled up on the human energy and you couldn’t walk to come down.

If you ride his face, grab his horns to hold on. It does something for him and his hands go crazy and he really eats.

Scratch his back and he’ll be your forever heater.

His PDA is carrying you because why not? It’s a workout AND you’re close. It makes him give that big, nice smile.

Belphie

The biggest issue is that he falls asleep on you all the time. He doesn’t mean to but he’s TIRED, okay?

Has a name for the cow pillow. Calls it ‘my moo.’ You are one of seven people that know that. Apparently it’s been a thing since he was little.

Has accidentally called you ‘my moo’ when he’s sleep delirious. It means you’re highly thought of. Beel used to be his moo, too, and now he’s been replaced.

This sloth will smother you. He’s like a koala that demands total contact to sleep

Gives you back rubs and massages. Sometimes he stays awake through them, sometimes you get sleepy and that makes him sleepy so he ends up falling asleep on your back.

Not big on PDA, but his version of caring for you is making sure you’re not bothered by annoying people. Wants you to sit with him at lunch though, and he’ll sulk if you don’t.

His favorite kind of dates are where you stockpile food and drink in the room and just feed each other while lounging in cozy blankets

If you make him any kind of pillow or blanket for a birthday, it’s at the top of his collection. Everyone will see it when they walk into his room.

You’ll plan dates in the star room where he just holds you and points out constellations until you fall asleep. Knows a lot of the mythology/stories behind them and shares that.

No matter the size, Belphie likes to cuddle between your boobs. He says it’s for your heartbeat and that they’re comfy like pillows. His tail wags like crazy when he does this.

Also big on physical contact due to his time in the attic. You just have to be alone.

Brush and play with his hair. That’s what he likes most.

Just hold this boy, okay? He needs it.

If you guys are trying to nap and the other brothers are being noisy, he’ll do the demon scream thing to tell them to shut the hell up. He’s an absolute angel to you though. You’re tired too, he knows.

If you get a little purple streak or something in your hair, he’s smitten.

Get him a kanigiri and the boy is super stoked. He’ll wear it all around the House of Lamentation. Bonus points if it has a hoodie or something he can throw up to annoy Lucifer.

Might get you a little stuffed cow toy so you have something to hug if you have to go away or can’t be with him.

The type to be restless if he can’t sleep with you. Will come to your room in the dead of night and ask to snuggle. It’s the only time he’s nice about it (and vulnerable), so say yes.

You get to be a human body pillow. He loves it very much.

[gunchucks-wukong-archive]

Thoughts about the Soundtrack!!

I loved it as usual, but i think these past two soundtracks have been a little scarce compared to the previous ones (understandably!) aside from the family issues they've mentioned, you must understand that releasing an entire soundtrack every year is creatively draining, so obviously there's going to be ups and downs and obviously it will be subjective to each listener (i know plenty ppl consider these past two releases to be the best, for example). Sooo aside from that i think i really appreciated the partial return to solo-character songs in Be Strong and Hit Stuff (Nora), Treasure (Blake), Friend (Penny) and The Truth (Cinder), generally i notice these are the kinds of songs that work best for me, and last Volume it appeared most of the songs in the soundtrack weren't specific or easily recognizable, so i do appreciate there being more clarity about it. Generally the goal would be to write character-specific songs that can be abstracted to other characters or things that are not related to RWBY obviously and i think the soundtracks never miss in this intent. I just love it when i know who's singing, personally. Now to the specific songs:

- For Every Life: good op song, very much in line with previous songs so nothing to add on that front. I think the aspect i liked the most was the acceptance? of failure, by that i mean that it encapsuled team RWBY's current state very well, it draws the line where the protagonists realize that justice doesn't always come and doing the right thing sometimes still brings demise in the end. But it also shows that they have, and will stay, true to themselves until the end, so thats very team-RWBY-like.

- The Sky is Falling: There's some lines in this that really hit home, musically i mean. Personally i think the RWBY rap only really worked in Yang songs like Ignite and I Burn 2, but its definitely not that bad (thinking of the time i accidentally ran into Arcane rap.....), the rest is really good i enjoyed this song a lot! I like imagining Yang as the singer but it appears this is another one of those songs with undefined POV so yeah.

- Treasure: Gays, yay! Let me start by prefacing that i really like linearity in things, so there being a Yang pining song and a Blake pining song makes me sleep well at night lol. One thing there's to notice is that this song is probably not talking about their two-days separation, despite playing upon the reunion. I think the song generally sums up the bee vibes in V8, expecially the finale. Blake clearly loves Yang and the song obviously parallels All That Matters via referencing the two most traumatic "separations" their relationship had to endure. Overally, did this song hit? Oh yeah. It makes me interested in whatever V9 will have for them. Im not in a super ship-mood post V8 as it was really scarce on that front, so i feel like i'll be able to truly appreciate this song when rwby (and them bees) comes back!

- The Truth: Very weird for me to say this since i dislike Cinder, but i am very sad we didn't get more of this song. No doubt this is the part where you can see the soundtrack got cut short, as there probably wasn't time to focus on making another whole song. I absolutely understand why we didn't get more, and that's okay, but i feel like if there was a chance for me to symphatize even just a little bit more with Cinder's actions, then it would be exactly the soundtrack to do it for me. Unfortunately we didn't get a single extra line from what we already heard and i have to say its a real bummer because by the sound of it, this could have been another great solo-character song. I really loved it musically since the first time i've heard this so....ngl i was looking forward to it if not just for the thickness of the music lol. Really really good, tasty, attractive. My favorite sounds from the soundtrack, i hope eventually maybe we'll get more but for now i fully understand and i absolutely do not blame the Williams for it.

- Be Strong and Hit Stuff: The song talks about things that relate to me and many others. Nora is (weirdly) a character that is surprisingly easy to relate to in one way or another. The song vibes with me but musically i think its gonna take some re-listens for me to decide whether i like it and its a banger or...not. All around its a good song! But i can't say much more atm, i'd just be forcing out and opinion thats still forming, so yeah.

Overally i feel like these past two soundtracks haven't slapped as hard, but i genuinely don't think its a problem as so much good work has been done anyways and as usual the music is really enjoyable so thank you to the creators!