#you me my(self) & Ai (a work in progress) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mostlysignssomeportents · 8 months ago

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Wellness surveillance makes workers unwell

I'm on tour with my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me in TORONTO on Mar 22, then with LAURA POITRAS in NYC on Mar 24, then Anaheim, and more!

"National conversation" sounds like one of those meaningless buzzphrases – until you live through one. The first one I really participated in actively was the national conversation – the global conversation – about privacy following the Snowden revelations.

This all went down when my daughter was five, and as my wife and I talked about the news, our kid naturally grew curious about it. I had to literally "explain like I'm five" global mass surveillance:

https://locusmag.com/2014/05/cory-doctorow-how-to-talk-to-your-children-about-mass-surveillance/

But parenting is a two-way street, so even as I was explaining surveillance to my kid, my own experiences raising a child changed how I thought about surveillance. Obviously I knew about many of the harms that surveillance brings, but parenting helped me viscerally appreciate one of the least-discussed, most important aspects of being watched: how it compromises being your authentic self:

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/blog/2014/may/09/cybersecurity-begins-with-integrity-not-surveillance

As I wrote then:

There are times when she is working right at the limits of her abilities – drawing or dancing or writing or singing or building – and she catches me watching her and gets this look of mingled embarrassment and exasperation, and then she changes back to some task where she has more mastery. No one – not even a small child – likes to look foolish in front of other people.

Learning, growth, and fulfillment all require a zone of privacy, a time and place where we are not observed. Far from making us accountable, continuous, fine-grained surveillance by authority figures just scares us into living a cramped, inauthentic version of ourselves, where growth is all but impossible. Others have observed the role this plays in right-wing culture war bullshit: "an armed society is a polite society" is code for "people who make me feel uncomfortable just by existing should be terrorized into hiding their authentic selves from me." The point of Don't Say Gay laws and anti-trans bills isn't to eliminate gender nonconformity – it's to drive it into hiding.

Given all this, it's no surprise that workers who face workplace surveillance in the name of "wellness" feel unwell as a result:

https://www.ifow.org/publications/what-impact-does-exposure-to-workplace-technologies-have-on-workers-quality-of-life-briefing-paper

As the Future of Work Institute found in its study, some technologies – systems that make it easier to collaborate and communicate with colleagues – increase workers' sense of wellbeing. But wearables and AI tools make workers feel significantly worse:

https://assets-global.website-files.com/64d5f73a7fc5e8a240310c4d/65eef23e188fb988d1f19e58_Tech%20Exposure%20and%20Worker%20Wellbeing%20-%20Full%20WP%20-%20Final.pdf

Workers who reported these negative feelings confirmed that these tools make them feel "monitored." I mean, of course they do. Even where these tools are nominally designed to help you do your job better, they're also explicitly designed to help your boss keep track of you from moment to moment. As Brandon Vigliarolo writes for The Register, these are the same bosses who have been boasting to their investors about their plans to fire their workers and replace them with AI:

https://www.theregister.com/2024/03/14/advanced_workplace_tech_study/

"Bossware" is a key example of the shitty rainbow of "disciplinary technology," tools that exist to take away human agency by making it easier to surveil and control its users:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/07/01/bossware/#bossware

Bossware is one of the stages of the Shitty Technology Adoption Curve: the process by which abusive and immiserating technologies progress up the privilege gradient as their proponents refine and normalize dystopian technologies in order to impose them on wider and wider audiences:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/02/24/gwb-rumsfeld-monsters/#bossware

The kinds of metrics that bossware gathers might be useful to workers, but only if the workers get to decide when, whether and how to share that data with other people. Microsoft Office helps you catch typos by underlining words its dictionary doesn't recognize; the cloud-based, "AI-powered" Office365 tells your boss that you're the 11th-worst speller in your division and uses "sentiment analysis" to predict whether you are likely to cause trouble:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/08/21/great-taylors-ghost/#solidarity-or-bust

Two hundred years ago, Luddites rose up against machines. Contrary to the ahistorical libel you've heard, the Luddites weren't angry or frightened of machines – they were angry at the machines' owners. They understood – correctly – that the purpose of a machine "so easy a child could use it" was to fire skilled adult workers and replace them with kidnapped, indentured Napoleonic War orphans who could be maimed and killed on the job without consequence:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/03/12/gig-work-is-the-opposite-of-steampunk/

A hundred years ago, the "Taylorites" picked up where those mill owners left off: choreographing workers' movements to the finest degree in a pseudoscientific effort to produce a kind of kabuki of boss-pleasing robotic efficiency. The new, AI-based Taylorism goes even further, allowing bosses to automatically blacklist gig workers who refuse to cross picket-lines, monitor "self-employed" call center operators in their own homes, and monitor the eyeballs of Amazon drivers:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/12/algorithmic-wage-discrimination/#fishers-of-men

AI-based monitoring technologies dock workers' wages, suspend them, and even fire them, and when workers object, they're stuck arguing with a chatbot that is the apotheosis of Computer Says No:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/11/robots-stole-my-jerb/#computer-says-no

There's plenty of research about AI successfully "augmenting" workers, making them more productive and I'm the last person to say that automation can't help you get more done:

https://www.ibm.com/thought-leadership/institute-business-value/en-us/report/augmented-workforce

But without understanding how AI augments class warfare – disciplining workers with a scale, speed and granularity beyond the sadistic fantasies of even the most micromanaging asshole boss – this research is meaningless.

The irony of bosses imposing monitoring to improve "wellness" and stave off "burnout" is that nothing is more exhausting, more immiserating, more infuriating than being continuously watched and judged.

Name your price for 18 of my DRM-free ebooks and support the Electronic Frontier Foundation with the Humble Cory Doctorow Bundle.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/15/wellness-taylorism/#sick-of-spying

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

#pluralistic #surveillance #workplace surveillance #disciplinary technology #bossware #taylorism #ai #automation unemployment #wellness #health #labor #parenting #luddism

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thebibliosphere · 2 years ago

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wrt the AI thing, the doom is in what is just good enough to no longer pay people for it. Machine translation isn't good! The sentences are nice and often grammatically correct, but the information hasn't been accurately transferred a lot of the time (genre doesn't matter, but DeepL is pretty good for news articles, less good for other stuff). AI text is sentences that are made of words likely to go together it doesn't understand any of it. Especially if you want to write something a bit experimental, if you want to use specific words to evoke specific things etc etc... true art will not die, no matter how much some people try.

I mean, yeah, but that’s also just a progression of what’s already been happening for years. Publishing houses and companies have been outsourcing to the cheapest bidder for decades now due to lack of labor regulation and the death of unions. That’s what the major Harper Collins strike was about. Even while publishing houses are making record profits, they’re not paying their editors a living wage.

When I worked for a medium sized mainstream publisher back in the late 2000’s to 2010s, they used to remind us daily that if we didn’t hit our editing quota there were people on Freelancer and Fiver who would do it for a lot cheaper— and I was already earning below minimum hourly wage, that you could “make up” by taking on extra work.

(The salaried editors were the only ones with guaranteed income, the rest of us were told we were just lucky to be there.)

And multiple times a month they’d eliminate someone to ‘cut costs’ and the work would land on your desk and you’d be told to get it done because they knew we had no other options. It was this or unemployment at the start of what would be the second global recession of my life.

Eventually we did all get laid off and they opted for the cheaper, subpar labor. And while it sucked to be unemployed at that time, the relief I felt was real. I was no longer self-medicating with caffeine and alcohol to cope with the work environment. I was no longer churning out 100-200k a week in edits and rewrites to keep a job that treated me like shit. I missed it, because I loved working with my authors and editing and writing was something I loved. But I did not miss the rat race they had us locked into for the sake of profit over quality.

The fact that Harper Collins staff, one of the biggest publishers in the world who contribute to the monopoly that creates that environment, were also not making enough to live, tells me things have only gotten worse inside the industry. Unless, of course, you’re near the top of the corporate ladder. In which case you probably can’t understand why all the peasants are so unhappy.

The machines will not fully replace us—at least probably not in my lifetime. But that doesn’t mean what’s already happening isn’t bad.

AI is just the next wrung on this sordid descent into exploitation and elimination. We need better labor laws. We need better protections. We need fucking respect.

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jenchan-writingmultis · 6 months ago

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Redirected (Zayne x Rafayel)

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦ Synopsis:

Betrayed was the word that described what Rafayel felt when he realized that despite waiting for 800 years for the girl he loved, she fell for another man just like that, he was foolish to think that she would love him. However, it was odd how he started to feel something similar to a guy who also loved her.

Seriously? Is he really gonna give me a chance to love again? Especially when that man is a stone-faced, asshole who's a smartass and way too blunt for his own good. This is the opposite of what he likes! but that doesn't stop his feelings from falling through. Unfortunately. ✦•······················•✦•······················•✦

Genre: Fluff/Angst (Slow burn) + Unrequited love Pairing: (Main Pairing): Zayne x Rafayel (Side Pairing): Mc x Xavier

Notes: Hear me out on Zaynel/Rafayne please omg, It's just so good cause they're artist/doctor, and many more, give a chance to this ship. The first chapter, Zayne and Rafayel are still smitten by Mc! This will be cut into chapters, I'll post more soon! Warning: Mc can be seen as a self insert/reader however that is not the main pairing, so instead of using You/Yourself I'm using She/her. If you do not like MLM please do not read it! The main pairing is already stated as Zayne x Rafayel! As the story progresses there is a possibility of adding extra warnings, I'll do that in each chapter. If you decide to continue reading. enjoy and please tell me your thoughts about it if you'd like! I'm the only one beta-reading my work!

Credits: Images came from the official website of Love and deepspace, while the banner is created by me. Masterlist

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦

I do not consent to stealing, translating, or putting my work in AI.

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦

This is insane.

The audacity of his crush to invite someone else to their date was not only insane, but it was also borderline cruel! How could she?

Rafayel grumbled to himself, looking at the food he was eating before shoving it in his mouth and chewing it angrily, they’re currently in Meow café, it all started when Rafayel decided to ask Mc out if she wanted to come by and pick him up to go to the meow café, and she seemed reluctant at first, but he insisted.

“Come on Mc, it’ll be a good date, promise! It’s on me if you agree” he whined, he was bored without her, she was the only reason he’d go out often and he kept complaining to Thomas about the lack of inspiration, which was due to the fact that his bodyguard had been way too busy for his liking, even if he visited their headquarters, he wasn’t allowed inside, and when he asked where she was, they’d tell him that she wasn’t even on duty, so if she wasn’t around where was she going? She wasn’t answering his calls either that day.

If it weren’t for her friend, he would have stayed there under the scorching heat till she came around. “Oh! Mr. Rafayel?” Tara walked to him, holding an ice cream that probably came from the company’s cafeteria. “Who are you?” He tilted his head, looking down at the woman, “My name’s Tara, you must be looking for Mc, right?” He nodded, crossing his arms before he looked at the time “Is she there? Her colleagues told me that she was out, but they didn’t know where” he sighed, it was really hot today, what’s the sun’s deal? Does it want him to die out here?

“Oh, it’s cause Mc got an injury on her hand, it’s not that bad but she needed to get some rest for it cause she can’t use any type of gun or anything that can strain her hand for the time being,” Tara said, licking the ice cream she was eating looking unbothered while Rafayel here looked outright terrified “What?!” he screeched causing Tara to jolt in surprise.

“She’s fine! She called me earlier to check on her things. If you want, I can give you her coordinates, although I was sure she gave you that already, I always see you around with her! And well Doctor Zayne and Xavier!” she shared, for some reason, Rafayel felt like she was doing this on purpose to get him riled up; which worked of course.

“Can I have her coordinates?” he almost looked pitiful in Tara’s eyes before she smiled “Yeah sure, I trust you enough! Mc talks about you frequently!” she grinned, showing him a QR code which he scanned immediately, although hearing what she said made his heartbeat faster. “She talked about me?” He murmured, scratching his cheek “What did she say?”

“Well,” she puts her finger on her lips before going into deep thought, “she said you’re always complaining and asking for her attention, it was frustrating sometimes” and that made Rafayel huff, so she’s been backstabbing him in front of her friends?

“But she does sound fond of you when she says those things though, kind of like a best friend” Tara finishes, putting her phone back into her pocket “It’s rare for her to talk about someone like that ever since you know, that happened” she was referencing about the death of Caleb and her grandmother which made Rafayel frown, she couldn’t be reached during those times and he went to visit her, she was staying in a temporary apartment, and it was a mess. Reminiscing about that made his heart clench, out of everything he disliked, seeing Mc hurt like that destroyed him. He went to at least try to cook something for her, but all he could do was soup, so he decided to just order takeout from a restaurant that specializes in customizable meals.

“I should go now; you can visit her in Akso Hospital! I visited her yesterday and she’s doing great!” Tara snapped Rafayel out of his thoughts before he nodded “Alright, I’ll see you around, thank you Tara” he waved goodbye to her before looking at his phone which pinpointed the location of Mc. “No problem, go get your girl Loverboy,” she said, waving goodbye as Rafayel stood there cheeks up to his ears red. “Jeez.”

During those times he never actually saw who Doctor Zayne was, cause when he visited, it was just Mc being there, and the nurse informing Zayne that there was a visitor, but that guy didn’t bother showing up, well he was busy apparently, which is great for Rafayel! He can spend some time with Mc.

“Mc” Rafayel called out to her, pouting as he went to sit down beside her, who looked alright, she didn’t have anything stabbing her arms, and it seemed like she was about to be released soon. “Rafayel! How did you get here?” she asked, surprised while Rafayel frowned, his face looking sour, “I got your coordinates from Tara, why didn’t you even call me?” he huffed, crossing his arms “Do you plan to hurt yourself without informing me when you get to the hospital? What happened to being punctual with me? What if I needed you for a job and suddenly you can’t cause you got your hand hurt?” he scolded her, and she looked down “Yeah, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize my phone cracked when I was in n109 zone” She explained, playing with her fingers, “I couldn’t reach anyone except for Zayne and Xavier. I’m sorry”

Rafayel felt bad for scolding her before he sighed, gently caressing Mc’s hand before he held it. “It’s fine, I was more worried for you than angry about it.” He placed her uninjured hand to his cheek, nuzzling it and Mc looked taken aback before she smiled, rubbing his cheeks “Thank you Rafayel” He could get used to this to be fair. He liked the attention, the gentleness of his crush, however…

“By the way” he hummed, looking at Mc with an indescribable look, “Tara told me something” he continued, gripping on Mc’s hand a bit before giving her palm a bite, “She said you spent so much time with other people, Doctor Zayne and someone named Xavier?” Mc’s eyes widened before she started giggling “Are you jealous?” she said before Rafayel pouted, letting her hand go. “No! Why would I? You’d pick me either way!” he said, crossing his arms. Seriously, he was super confident during that time, and now look what happened. He didn’t expect that when he asked Mc out on a date, she was already in one with this Doctor Zayne! He was emitting a bad aura which made Mc sigh.

“I told you that I was busy, and I was with someone, but you complained if they’re much more important than you” She was feeling a headache coming to her, and It amused Zayne, considering she was usually the one causing the headache for him, this is interesting. Zayne was expecting a simple hangout with Mc when she got a call from an unknown caller, he didn’t expect it would be the guy that visited her and caused a lot of noise in the hospital back then was now sitting down eating his food angrily, Zayne kept a poker face before he went to eat his portion of the meal. “Nice to meet you, Rafayel” he stated, looking at Rafayel who glared at him “My name is Zayne, you were the one that a nurse informed me visited Mc during non-visitation hours?”

Rafayel sat up straight from that, pointing the fork at Zayne “Excuse you! Nobody stopped me!” Zayne didn’t bother to look at him anymore before he gave Mc some of his vegetables “Eat” he whispered to her, she was going to whine but if she did, it’d be two whiners in one area, no way she was going to do that, so she accepted her fate and begrudgingly takes the vegetables.

“Hey!” Rafayel pouted, looking at both of them, honestly, they looked like a couple, and it made his heart ache. “The reason why they didn’t stop you was because you rushed inside without stopping, the majority of nurses are women and what happens If a fully grown adult man came rushing into the room of a patient?” the audacity of this guy! He’s making it sound like he’s going to physically assault the nurses! “Luckily enough Mc here told the nurses not to call the guards, and to just inform me that someone broke the protocol. You should thank her that you weren’t thrown out.” Zayne stated, finishing the conversation before Rafayel could even say anything.

Rafayel continued to glare at Zayne, honestly now that he sees his fault, it was immature of him to just barge inside, but can you blame him? He was upset and worried for Mc! “I’m sorry,” He said, relaxing himself, and Zayne stared at him “Apology accepted, please don’t do that again." And that was it, end of conversation again, he was expecting retaliation from the guy, but he guessed he was the nonchalant type. Mc doesn’t seem bothered by it, as a matter of fact, she seems to like the silence while she eats. “It seems like you two would get along well!” she said as if the shenanigans that happened just a few minutes ago didn’t happen, “Doctor Zayne already introduced himself, why don’t you introduce yourself too?” Mc went to get a drink before gulping it down, and Zayne was looking at her again. Why aren’t they paying attention to Rafayel much? This hurts his ego.

“I was thinking that Doctor Zayne already knows about me,” he chided, wanting to tease this prick of a doctor, crossing his arms. “Your name was repeated multiple times, and you almost got framed for murder, yes?” Zayne said, wiping the tissue on his lips, elegant asshole. “What? Where did you even hear that from?” He looked confused, isn’t Zayne an outsider?

“Mc and I went to investigate that matter before, so I know about the case” He answered, as if reading Rafayel’s thoughts, it was easy to read the guy, he was like an open book because of his reactions, like Mc. Rafayel looked away awkwardly “Case solved! You don’t need to bring that up,” he grumbled, just how much did Mc spend time with this guy? He heard a chuckle from Zayne, “From what I heard you’re quite a disaster, always attracting trouble, or creating trouble for yourself” he said and Rafayel’s cheeks turned beet red from embarrassment “Shut up!”

“See,” the banter was stopped when Mc giggled “you two do get along!”

“No we don’t,” Rafayel glared at her, words coming out harshly and firmly “I find teasing him entertaining, it is nice to finally put a face to the name, Rafayel, some of my acquaintances are fans of your works” Zayne looked at him, stone-faced, unlike Rafayel, this guy wasn’t easy to understand, everything he says, he states it in a monotone voice, his face remaining neutral, the perfect doctor face or whatever, It’s the polar opposite of him. It makes him worried that Mc doesn’t like him because of his expressions, maybe she likes a guy like Zayne.

Then a phone started ringing, it was a girly ringtone which surprised Mc, looking at her phone she noticed it was Xavier, making her smile unknowingly, “I gotta take this, give me a second” She looked at Zayne who nodded, while she just waved at Rafayel who looked like he was ready to whine about it. Leaving him with this guy? Especially in a café where lovers are usually around? Call him dramatic but this is definitely not something he wants to stay in, when he was about to stand up when Zayne suddenly talked.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked, drinking the coffee he ordered, Rafayel flinched before sitting back down “I was going to get water, it’s self-serving here you know.” Rafayel lied, looking away, why is he even avoiding eye contact? This guy has nothing on him. “Mc would be sad if you suddenly left just because she got a phone call.” He hummed, fixing their table cleaning it out of the empty dishes, and asking the waiter to clean it. It made Rafayel confused, but he stayed sat as told. “How about we play kitty cards while we wait?” he smiled. ✦•······················•✦•······················•✦ Word Count: 2,105

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nerdieforpedro · 2 months ago

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Empanadas and Chocolate

Part One of Foul Play Series

Javier Peña x Aria Davis (plus size female OC)

My entire masterlist and blog are for readers 18+ MDNI. I do not consent to my work being used in AI, recommended on TikTok, borrowed or plagiarized.

Summary: The meet cute between Javier Peña and Aria. The beginning of everything.

Warnings: Meet cute, adorable vibes, food, curioisity, (we’re safe this part - we had to start somewhere)

Word Count: a little over 1.8k

Notes: My smut fairy was gone for a very long time. Thanks to @magpiepills and a fic called "Aquarius" that she wrote that was all the right kinds of smutty filth, she inspired me to write this. It's from an old WIP I had started but never finished. Now it is in a completely different direction and one I like. She also beta read some (not the whole thing - gotta surprise her 😘). So here we are. Originally posted on A03.

Main Masterlist/ Javier Peña Masterlist

Together is what he told you. That you’d go on this journey together and help bring peace to an unsettled country. It’s been eight months and neither the government nor the American agencies involved in trying to take down Pablo Escobar were any closer to ending his reign. What did any of that mean for Aria?

Not much, just looking over the balcony of her small one bedroom apartment provided by the US embassy. Her fiance and her had decided on living separately since they were each entitled to their own places. It seemed like a weird idea at first, but the longer she stayed here, the more sense it made. She wouldn't have to hear him coming and going or worry when he would be home. He rarely was, only to have some mediocre sex, maybe sleep sometimes and leave again citing that he was needed back on the case. Aria sometimes was able to finish on her own, but increasingly she couldn’t even do that, getting tired in the middle of things and giving up to read a book, listen to some music and just sleep. Sleep was what she did best.

It was early yet and the sun was just cresting over the horizon, painting a golden pink across the sky, it was barely six in the morning. One positive for coming here, despite all the violence was the scenery, it was beautiful and so were the people, well those she had met. That was two. She sighed and entered her apartment readying herself for work and headed off to the embassy where she worked as an accountant along with four others in a small office. It was cramped but she got to know them well, all nice, sometimes a little too chatty. Her days were similar, rise, go to work, come home, sometimes see her fiance, fuck, sleep, repeat.

It was on a rare day off during the week where she decided to venture to her favorite little shop down the street. Here she didn’t wear the knee length shirt of buttoned up shirt that fit a little too tight, she could wear a flowing dress with sunflowers on it. It was a gift from an older woman a few doors down. She also often gave her rice, meat, vegetables and other foods, hence why her work clothes didn’t fit as well as they once did. Her build was stocky and dense from head to toe though she did have breasts that stuck out a bit farther than her belly and wide hips so that helped, but in her work clothes she was still self-conscious, she knew it hugged in all of the places good and bad. It was always a button down shirt and skirt. She could get away with a polo shirt or sweater depending on who was in the office but more often than not if their supervisor came in and they weren’t dressed appropriately it was a warning then could progress to a write up. So stupid.

Arriving at the shop, she spied her prizes, empanadas and chocolate cake. She went to order as another person placed theirs, a tall man whose skin had been kissed by the sun, wore dark aviator sunglasses, and had a thick head of hair with a mustache to match. He stood with his hands on his slim hips, a rose pink shirt on with medium wash jeans and what was likely a gun along his back. He was cracking a joke with the señora who ran the shop with her husband. The señora asked for her order again as she had lost her train of thought while looking him up and down.

Unfortunately, it turned out that the handsome stranger had taken the last piece of chocolate cake. Aria pouted but little could be done, she hoped he at least enjoyed it, maybe it was a reward to himself for something that happened that day or week? She just hoped he wasn’t the type to eat a few bites and dispose of it. Taking the three empanadas she ordered, she turned to leave as the señora pointed to her and said her name. Apparently, handsome sunglasses wanted to add empanadas to his order but didn’t tell señora when he got the cake. The accountant had the last of them. He walked over with a smile,

“Disculpe señorita (excuse me miss), could I buy one of the empanadas from you? I just need one.” He asked, almost pleading, how much did he need one? Aria raised a counter offer,

“If you’ll spit half of the cake with me, I’ll give you the empanada at no charge.” She raised a finger. He nodded and waved his hand toward one of the small tables with chairs outside where they could do the exchange. He pulled out her chair for her and Aria thanked him, he said there was no thanks needed, he should be thanking her. He’d been looking forward to the empanadas all week, the señora here makes the best ones. To that, she agreed and pulled out the bag with the rolled and fried goods. Señor brought them plates, some water and napkins, insisting that they eat here. Aria shook her head but aviators nodded and assured her he was alright with it as long as she was, that he would make for good company.

“Alright, let’s exchange and eat. Here.” She took one of the empanadas and placed it on the plate in front of pink shirt. He cut his chocolate cake in half and placed it on her plate.

“Here you go. We’re even.” He chuckled, quickly picking up his newly earned empanada and moaning as he took a bite. “Been thinking about these all day…” His eyes were closed as he chewed slowly, savoring the flavor of the onions, chicken, potatoes and peppers. Aria nodded as she watched his mouth, he smacked his lips before taking another bite and another moan left him. It wasn’t long before she wondered if she should be watching this, it felt like she was intruding on a private moment. She picked up water and downed a few gulps before biting into her own empanada, humming with the flavor.

“Mierda eso esta bien (Shit that’s good).”

Pink shirt had momentarily forgotten that he was sitting in public, with a woman no less. He cleared his throat and drank some sips of his water before muttering sorry to his table mate. She shook her head and told him that the lovely couple who owned the shop would be delighted to know he enjoyed the food that much, plus it was fun to watch him eat. Shaking his head, he asked her how long she had been coming to the little shop and in Columbia in general. Her accent sounded similar to his partner’s - American. She told him eight months in Columbia and six for the shop. It took her a few months to get acclimated at work and to the slower pace. She appeared to indicate that she was enjoying herself but there was a large part he knew she was leaving out: the ring on her left fourth finger. There could be a few reasons she could be leaving out that detail, none of them were good for him. She was definitely easy on the eyes, well scratch that. He found her gorgeous, her smile and laugh and the fair trade was definitely a bonus. He would at least let her know his name before they parted. The city of Bogotá seemed larger than it really was. He learned that she did accounting at the Embassy, he told her that he was with the police - didn’t think she really needed to know he was an agent.

“My name’s Javier, Javier Peña. What’s your’s Mrs?” He finally asked as the stood and disposed of their trash. Her warm smile faded with the question. Did that mean she really was married? Peña wasn’t really up for all the drama that came with that even if she did have hips he wanted to see from the back, a very different angle than he was looking at them now.

“No, no. I’m engaged. It’s…I’m engaged. “ Her nod told him she needed to be convinced she was in fact engaged. Usually engaged couples are supposed to be happy. Not that he wasn’t familiar with how that could burn horribly. It wasn’t his business, though he wondered. “My name is Aria Davis. It’s nice to meet you Javier. Thanks for the cake.” Her smile remained warm, he may see her around at the embassy though he didn’t recall ever meeting her before.

“I see. Well congratulations hermosa (beautiful). He’s a lucky man. Gracias for the empanadas. The señor here makes some of the best ones in Bogotá. I may see you if you come again, I’ll try not to take all the cake this time. I usually don’t eat sweets.” Peña explained, it was true he did not. He’s had another failed raid with no new information found and it would be a day that he forgot to get a new carton of cigarettes. He was on his way to go buy some when he noticed he was passing by señora Hernandez’s tienda (store) so he figured he’d stop in and get the food on the way. He hadn’t eaten all day, plus he’d been meaning to come all week. “Today didn’t go so well so I figured I’d get something on my way.” He paused. Did she walk here?

“Do you need a ride home, Aria?” He tilted his head in the direction of his car to which Aria shook her head.

“Oh no I live close by. Thank you though. I’m going home after this. Just going to relax a bit before work tomorrow.” Aria’s smile didn’t falter and Javier was curious, shouldn’t she be mentioning spending time with her fiancée? He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a bent card. He handed it to her and she took it reading it over, her eyes revealed her surprise but she didn’t mention that she’d heard of him. Aria assumed he didn’t want to talk about it.

“Here’s my card just in case. Bogotá is beautiful but can be dangerous. Call me if you need help okay?” The nod and grin that followed made her giggle. “I’ll come running and may speed a bit.” Javier cracked a small joke, it was a bad though but she didn’t seem to mind.

“I’ll remember that Javier. I do pretty well at staying out of trouble though.”

“Trouble has a way of finding people Aria.” Peña took a step closer and spoke in her ear. “Call me Javi. Stay safe hermosa.” With that he turned and walked to his car, getting in and waving to her before putting one hand on the steering wheel and driving off.

Aria was left standing with Javier’s lingering words and his breath on her ear. The food in her belly wasn’t the only thing heating it from within. Peña wasn’t wrong. Trouble had found her.

Part Two

Dipping their empanadas in chocolate for Javi to lick off 🍫: @syd-djarin @megamindsecretlair @soft-persephone @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @guelyury

@yorksgirl @indiegirlunited @readingiskeepingmegoing @fhatbhabiee @javierpena-inatacvest

#pedro pascal characters #fanfiction #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #javier pena fanfiction #javier pena narcos #javier peña #javier peña x ofc #javier peña x plus size ofc #nerdieforpedro #a short series

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maskedlotus65 · 2 months ago

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HERE ME OUT!!!! I MADE A SMURF AU!!!!

(admittedly I got the idea while on Char. Ai, BUT STILL!)

What if...

Neither Gargamel OR Papa Smurf...

Changed Vexy and Hackus into real smurfs?

What if instead they were found by....

I'm calling it my Mother-Willow AU, still working on it a bit.

For some context:

The AU starts before the events of the Smurfs The Lost Village movie.

Gargamel makes Vexy and Hackus using the Smurfette recipe, hoping to make his own smurfs instead of catching them all the time. However, due to either a smudged ingredient or failed memory, he is unable to repeat the results. So he ends up with, as he says; "Two utterly useless failed experiments."

Vexy and Hackus don't have the best first months or years with Gargamel, since, as expected, he isn't the world's best father. He insults, ignores, and pushes aside their issues at any chance. But since they don't have any other role models, or at least a positive one, they take whatever pride Gargamel very rarely shows. Other than that, they spend their days tormenting Azrael or looking for anything to do that would make their creator proud.

One day, while Gargamel is out collecting mandrake, Vexy and Hackus leave his hovel to explore he forest, but end up lost. As they wonder what they should do, wandering the forest, Willow stumbles upon them. Taking pity, Willow brings them to Smurfy Grove, and is able to change them from a dull grey to a Smurfy blue.

She takes them in as her daughter and son, making sure they come to no harm after hearing how they described their past life with Gargamel, and the two never returned to Gargamel's hovel, living in Smurfy Grove instead. They learn the ways of the village, and soon the others accept them.

Vexy and Hackus are very close to their new mother, having never felt such caring love in their lives. Though it took some time, the two are able to put what they know and do to good use. Vexy is often helping Willow with her natural remedies, magic, and spells, while Hackus takes on more heavy lifting duties like building or self defense. Vexy has also taken a liking to stork and dragonfly flying. The two still occasionally prank others, but it's no longer out of maliciousness.

I'm planning on doing some doodles of the AU with more details, maybe even a comic version of the movie with Vexy an Hackus in it. Though it may take a bit since the AU's a little work in progress, I don't want it to be a "and Bumblebee" situation.

I imagine Gargamel, when his future captures Smurfette instead of a different Smurf, he makes an offhanded remark of "Would've been worse if you had gotten the other two," making Smurfette think about that in the back of her mind. I'm also working on how they'd react to Smurfette as well, since Gargamel would occasionally mention to them about having a sister who "abandoned" him when they were still living with him.

Anyways, hope you like my little au, I hope it's not too much.

#hackus smurf #smurfette #the smurfs #vexy smurf #the lost village #smurfs 2021 #smurfwillow #gargamel #azrael #papa smurf #smurfs au

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aihoshiino · 1 year ago

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If Ai had lived, what kind of parent do you think she would have been to teenage Aqua and Ruby?

luckily for you anon, I have spent a truly healthy [<- lie] amount of time thinking about this!!! This is going to inevitably dip into how Ruby and Aqua are both changed by having her in their lives just because that obviously matters to how she and the twins interact but... honestly at this point if you're following me, my bi-weekly unhinged essays about the Hoshinos are what you're here for.

Also worth noting before I get into it that I'm purposely not thinking too hard about Current Things in the manga like the documentary Gotanda was working on or the DVDs........ we know so little about them I can't really factor them into my rambles here lol so consider this just my most ideal happy end AU for the Hoshinos.

Anyway, I think it goes without saying that Ai would continue being an excellent mom to Aqua and Ruby. There would likely be some bumps in the road following B-Komachi's dome performance as her fame and increased demand puts pressure on her time and energy but Ai's priority is and will always be her babies so I can definitely see her and Miyako having a Stern Talk with Ichigo at some point to make sure Ai isn't overbooked to the extent that she can't spend time with them lol.

I also have a totally self indulgent AU based on Emiya Gohan that lives in my head, based around the framing device of Ai wanting to learn how to cook so she can make proper food for the twins as they grow up... my read of Ai is that she has a lot of issues relating to food security as a result of the abuse & neglect she went through, so being able to make good food for her own children and sort of rewrite her own relationship with food and cooking would be really healing for her.

Something also interesting to consider is the question of whether Ai would have been able to work through enough of her baggage regarding expressing her love to Aqua and Ruby... it takes such a desperate a raw moment for her to finally conquer that fear in canon that it's hard for me to imagine it happening in anything less than an equally cathartic moment, you know? At the same time, I really love the idea of Ai's slow progress towards healing eventually allowing her to do it without that kind of urgent pressure... instead of dying, Ai lives so hard she can eventually overcome that fear by her own strength!!!

I also think there would be a lot more moments like Ai and Ruby's dance with both of the twins – moments of Ai helping them both to untangle the trauma and baggage they carry from their past lives just through the simple act of loving and supporting them as their mother. Both Ruby and Aqua are explicitly described as being children "who never had a mother in the real sense" before their rebirth – for Sarina, she suffered the emotional abuse and neglect of living with a toxic mother who centered and prioritized her own feelings of grief and pain to such a degree that she completely abandoned her dying daughter. For Gorou, he grew up in the shadow of his mother's death as a result of childbirth complications, blaming himself and carrying the burden of his grandparents' grief and expectations in ways that are implied to have strained his relationships with them and left him without a real mother in his life.

Not only is this a healing experience for the twins, it's also ugely cathartic for Ai, too. As I've mentioned before, Ruby's "it's okay for me to dance!" scene with Ai is soooo incredibly powerful because it's about these two victims of toxic motherhood finding safety, healing and empowerment in the wholly loving and supportive parent/child relationship they build together. In general, the Hoshino family is a safe place where these three people who suffered abuse, neglect and the absence of loving mothers could find a place to heal and be loved.

Because of this, while I don't think that Aqua and Ruby would be hugely different on the surface going into their teens, a ton of stuff under the hood would be massively impacted. I like to think that growing up with Ai as a positive influence in their lives would have allowed them to essentially lay Gorou and Sarina to rest much sooner than in canon – not to forget or erase those memories, necessarily, but to definitively move on as their own people, having purified Gorou and Sarina's lingering regrets and trauma and being able to wholeheartedly embrace their new happiness as Aqua and Ruby.

This also means that they both have a much healthier relationship with Ai, in a lot of ways. I don't think they'll ever stop putting her on a bit of a pedestal but more in the way that a lot of people do if they grow up with a loving and good mom. On that note, I also like to think that with Gorou's weird baggage not causing such a conflict that Aqua might actually start calling Ai "mom"....... it makes me so depresso that he never did.....!!!

Without the weight of Ai's death hanging over them and her full and loving support at their backs, Aqua and Ruby still find their way into the entertainment industry, though for different reasons. Without his guilt getting in the way of doing things he enjoys, Aqua can admit to himself that he enjoys acting and tentatively pursues it through his childhood as the protégé of Gotanda again but in happier circumstances. He has similar initial hurdles as he does in canon wrt comparing himself negatively to Ai and underselling his strengths, but Ai would have a good talk with him about valuing what he brings to the table and not worrying about matching up to anyone else. Eventually, he becomes pretty focused on like, weirdo ass self produced projects he does a lot of the work on (acting, directing and producing) that don't make a huge splash in the mainstream necessarily but are well beloved in niche and horror circles and Aqua's happy with his work entirely because it's his and he's happy to make it, which is most important.

Ruby follows a similar track as she does in canon with becoming a member of the second generation of B Komachi, still driven by love and admiration for her mom but from a much healthier and happier place. Rather than feeling like she has to live up to Ai's image in her absence, she is inspired by Ai's presence in her life, her active support and encouragement and her boundless love and excitement to see her kids do what makes them happy. The canonical B-Komachi gen 2 still come together in mostly the same ways because I love them too much to separate them but this time, they're directly mentored by Ai and go full force through the industry with her support.

Eventually, I do think the three of them go public about their family - probably around the time the twins have graduated from high school, just to properly allow them the chance to be relatively normal kids without the scandal and pressure of being Ai's children hanging over their heads. It definitely causes a bit of an explosion, but I think by then Ai would have successfully transitioned from being purely an idol and would be more of a general household name/celeb, so there isn't as much outcry, but it definitely still stirs up some trouble that she and the kids have to weather.

At the end of the day, though, her presence in their lives would be a huge boon to them and it results in all three of the Hoshinos being much happier and healthier people. This response uh got a way from me a little and turned into like a whole AU pitch but what are we here for if not to delulu ourselves about scenarios where the Hoshinos could be happy..............

#oshi no ko #oshi no posting #ai hoshino #aqua hoshino #ruby hoshino #i should probably start a #hoshino family #tag #ai lives au

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abrthephantomq · 5 months ago

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Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Original Work Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Kenji Adler/Michael Foraker Characters: Kenji Adler, Michael Foraker, Amelia Samson, Jazz Callahan Additional Tags: Recreational Drug Use, Sex Work, Mental Health Issues, Metafiction, Original Fiction, Dissociative Identity Disorder, POV First Person, POV Third Person, POV Second Person, touch starved Michael Foraker Summary:

A very meta novel where a DID system learns to team up together to seriously buckle down and write their debut novel (and eventual book series). They know that this is what they want to do, and GODDAMNIT, they're gonna do it.

Orrrr

A fictional-memoir-thing I’ve been writing as well as the Encoder Zim fanfic that has completely eaten the rest of my brain.

#you me my(self) & Ai (a work in progress)#original fiction #dissociative identity disorder #metafiction #metamemoir?#lawl who knows

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sicknessbysalem · 4 months ago

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for monthofsick you wrote about a half ghost character and his vampire mentor. i dont remember names at the moment, but would you be interested in possibly writing fic for them again. This time with the half ghost getting sick, maybe with the dialogues “Will you talk to him? He won’t listen to me.” / "He's too stubborn for his own good." / “Does he look pale to you?" /“My stomach really doesn’t feel good all of a sudden”

Or any combo of those really? Thank you!!

I cant believe someone sent me this/remembered those characters!

I changed a bit of the lore and the name of the half ghost character to something i liked better!

so may i offer Hemlock (a half ghost half human apprentice), and his mother and father figures and teachers, Seraphina and Amancio.

tw for supernatural (not the show) characters {witches, half human half ghost, and a vampire}, emeto, overwork, self pressure, fear of disappointment, emeto

if you have any questions, comments, or requests, send them my way!

Hemlock's room was a dim sanctuary within the sprawling, ancient mansion. Dust motes danced in the slivers of morning light that pierced the heavy, velvet drapes, casting an ethereal glow over the worn hardwood floor. The ornate, brass clock on the mantel ticked relentlessly, its hands pointing to an hour well past dawn.

Normally, Hemlock would have been awake long before now, his restless nature never allowing him more than a few hours of sleep. Yet today, the quiet shadows of his room held him captive, wrapping him in a cocoon of fitful slumber.

He awoke abruptly, his body heavy and his mind foggy. The moment he opened his eyes, a wave of nausea washed over him, accompanied by a dull ache that radiated from his bones.

Hemlock blinked, trying to clear his vision, but the world remained a blur, the edges of reality fuzzed and indistinct.

With a groan, he forced himself to sit up. His head throbbed, each pulse a reminder of the unnatural duality that existed within him.

Being half-ghost, half-human was a precarious balance, and today, it seemed, the scales were tipped unfavorably.

Hemlock’s ghostly side amplified his human frailties, turning a simple illness into something more sinister.

He glanced at the clock, his heart sinking. He was late for his lesson with Amancio. Panic flared briefly, but he quickly suppressed it. Amancio was known for his patience. Amancio was gentle, Seraphina not so much. But he had a lesson with Amancio, and Amancio always worked with him. Plus, surely, he had never been late before, therefore Amancio couldn’t be mad.

ADditionally, Amancio he had a deep well of curiosity and an even deeper commitment to training his proteges. Hemlock knew that, much like himself, the revelation of possible illness would peak Amancio’s interest and they both could explore the effects of his duality on something as mundane as a cold or whatever this was.

Well, not a cold. Hemlock felt nauseous. So, whatever it was, maybe his duality would help him. Or hurt him. He was interested to find out and surely Amancio would be too.

Ignoring the protests of his body, Hemlock swung his legs over the side of the bed. The cold floor sent a shiver through him, but he welcomed the sharp sensation. It was a reminder that he was still here, despite the ghostly tendrils that threatened to pull him into the abyss.

He dressed quickly, his movements slow and deliberate. Each task felt monumental—buttoning his shirt, tying his boots—yet he persevered, driven by a determination to not let his ghostly affliction hinder his progress.

He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror; his usually bright eyes were dull, ringed with dark circles, and his skin had taken on a pallor that was almost translucent. He looked more ghost than human today, and between the exhaustion and his appearance he wanted nothing more than to laugh at how ridiculous this was.

Steeling himself, Hemlock left his room and made his way through the labyrinthine corridors of the mansion. The air was thick with the scent of old wood and lingering magic, a testament to the building’s long and storied history. As he approached Amancio’s study, his steps grew heavier, and his breath came in shallow gasps.

The door to the study was ajar, and Hemlock paused briefly before pushing it open. Inside, Amancio stood by the window, his tall, lean figure framed by the morning light.

His dark hair, flecked with silver, was tied back neatly, and his piercing blue eyes were fixed on the grounds outside. The vampire’s presence was commanding, exuding an aura of both power and elegance.

Amancio turned as Hemlock entered, his gaze focusing on Hemlock.

“You’re late,” he observed, his voice calm but with an undercurrent of curiosity. “Unusual for you.”

“My apologies, Master Amancio,” Hemlock replied, trying to keep his voice steady. “I… overslept.”

Amancio’s eyes narrowed slightly, taking in Hemlock’s appearance. “Interesting,” he murmured. “You do not look well… are you alright?”

Amancio came closer, his steps almost floating, gliding, as he got closer. He brushed some of Hemlock’s white hair back, looking closer at him.

Hemlock nodded, swallowing hard. “I do not know… I do not feel normal. But I’m ready to begin our lesson. I want to see how the duality affects me…”

Amancio’s lips curved into a slight smile. “I’m rubbing off on you, I see. Like mentor, like apprentice. Very well. Let’s see how your condition affects your abilities today.” He gestured towards the center of the room, where a circle of runes was inscribed on the floor. “Begin with the basic summoning. Try summoning Seraphina, I haven’t seen her all morning.”

Hemlock took his position within the circle, feeling the familiar tingle of magic against his skin. He closed his eyes, focusing on the spell. Normally, the words would come easily, the magic flowing through him like a river. But today, it was different. His voice wavered, and the energy felt unstable, like trying to grasp smoke.

The room grew colder, the temperature plummeting as Hemlock struggled to maintain control. His ghostly side surged, fighting against the illness weakening his human half. The runes flickered, the light within them sputtering as if caught in a fierce wind.

Amancio watched intently, his expression inscrutable. “Interesting,” he repeated softly. “Push through it, Hemlock. Harness the instability. You will be okay.”

Hemlock gritted his teeth, sweat beading on his forehead despite the chill. He could feel the magic slipping from his grasp, his body trembling with the effort. But he refused to yield.

With a final, desperate surge of will, he channeled the energy, directing it towards the center of the circle.

No luck. No Seraphina. Not because she was hiding, Hemlock knew that. He just didn’t have the ability to summon as effectively as normal.

Hemlock fell to his knees, gasping for breath. The exertion had taken its toll, leaving him weak and disoriented. Amancio approached, his expression thoughtful.

“Remarkable,” he said quietly. “Your ghostly side amplifies your human frailty, yet also enhances your potential. We will continue to explore this.”

As Hemlock looked up at his mentor, he saw not disappointment, but intrigue.

Amancio’s eyes gleamed with a mix of curiosity and pride. Despite the pain and the struggle, Hemlock felt a flicker of hope. He had faced the shadows within and emerged, if not victorious, then at least unbroken. And in the echoes of his struggle, he found the strength to continue.

“Are you sure you want to continue?” Amancio asked, “As enticing as this research is… I do want you safe.”

“No, I want to continue.” Hemlock insisted.

Amancio helped Hemlock to his feet, his grip firm but not unkind. Hemlock's legs felt like jelly, and his vision was still a bit fuzzy, but he wanted to know what he was dealing with, or could deal with until something changed, until the scales tipped one way or the other.

"I'm ready for the next exercise, Master Amancio," Hemlock said, his voice steady despite the trembling of his body.

Amancio raised an eyebrow. "You are eager, I'll give you that. But eagerness can lead to recklessness."

Hemlock nodded, a slight flush creeping into his already pale cheeks. "I need to know how my ghost side interacts with my human side, especially under these conditions. I have to understand it if I’m ever going to control it, control anything for that matter."

Amancio studied him for a moment before nodding. "Very well. We’ll proceed. Let's move on to flight control."

Hemlock took a deep breath, steadying himself. He focused on the sensation of weightlessness, the feeling of his ghostly side asserting itself. Slowly, he began to lift off the ground, his form shimmering slightly as the air around him grew colder.

At first, it was smooth. Hemlock hovered a few feet above the ground, his movements controlled. But then, a sharp pain twisted in his stomach, and he winced. The room spun, and he struggled to maintain his altitude. He clenched his jaw, pushing through the discomfort, but it was clear he was struggling.

“Does he look pale to you?” Seraphina appeared beside Amancio, voice cut through the air, soft yet filled with concern. She had entered the study silently, her presence almost as ghostly as Hemlock’s abilities. Her eyes, a striking mix of green and gold, were fixed on Hemlock. “i mean… paler than even a half ghost boy would be?”

“He’s ill my dear,” Amancio told her. “but he is devoted to trying to balance his abilities while his illness of the human side wars with the spectral side of him.”

“He’s much like you,” Seraphina said, “Entirely too stubborn.”

Amancio glanced at her briefly before returning his gaze to Hemlock. “Indeed. He’s too stubborn for his own good. More so than myself.”

Amancio and Seraphina’s playful banter was interrupted by the dull thud of Hemlock hitting the floor. The half-ghost, half-human boy knelt on the ground, his arm wrapped tightly around his stomach, his face contorted in pain.

“Oh, ‘lock…” Seraphina said softly, her voice filled with a tender concern. She knelt beside him, her presence a calming force. “What’s wrong?”

Hemlock’s vision swam, the room around him blurring into indistinct shapes. He swallowed hard, trying to keep the bile from rising in his throat. Bile and… god he wasn’t sure if something else would come up too.

“My stomach really… really doesn’t… doesn’t feel good…” Hemlock struggled to say, Seraphina observed the small dry heaves that broke up his speech, which made her stand swiftly and grab the trash bin by Amancio’s desk that typically was there for show and nothing else.

She placed it near Hemlock.

“What’s going on?” Amancio questioned, “Did you utilize too much?”

“No… my stomach… all of a sudden… I feel like I might be…” He didn’t finish the sentence as he lurched forward, retching violently, thankful Seraphina had some sense, or intuition, or whatever made her grab the bin. The nausea that had been a mere whisper now roared, his body rebelling against his determination.

Seraphina went to say something, but was cut short as Hemlock convulsed again, the sound of his retching tearing through the room. She placed a hand on his back, offering what comfort she could. “Oh, Hemlock…”

Hemlock gasped for breath, his body trembling. “I can’t stop now,” he muttered, his voice raw with pain. “I need to understand this. How my duality affects something as mundane as illness. I have to know.”

Amancio stepped forward, his expression stern but not unkind. “You are pushing yourself to the brink, Hemlock. There is a limit to what even you can endure.”

“I don’t care,” Hemlock replied, his voice a stubborn rasp. “I need to do.”

“You already got good information,” Seraphina said softly, her hand still resting on his back. “But you can’t destroy yourself in the process.”

Hemlock shook his head, the motion making him dizzy. “I have to try. Please, let me continue.”

Amancio sighed, a deep, resigned sound. “Very well. But we will monitor you closely. The moment it becomes too much, you will stop. Is that clear?”

Hemlock nodded, his resolve unwavering despite his weakened state. “Yes.”

“Then let us proceed,” Amancio said, his voice carrying a weight of both authority and concern. “Begin with flight control again. Focus on maintaining your altitude despite the discomfort.”

Hemlock took a deep breath, steadying himself. He closed his eyes, feeling the familiar pull of his ghostly side. Slowly, he lifted off the ground, his body shimmering as it became less solid. The air around him grew colder, and for a moment, he felt a surge of triumph.

But then, the pain in his stomach twisted again, sharp and unrelenting. He convulsed mid-air, his concentration breaking as he retched, the sound echoing through the room. His form wavered, becoming more ghost than human, before he collapsed to the ground once more.

Seraphina was beside him in an instant, her eyes filled with a mix of frustration and concern. “Hemlock, you can’t keep doing this to yourself.”

“I have to,” Hemlock whispered, his voice barely audible. “I need to know.”

Amancio knelt beside him, his expression grave. “Your determination is admirable, Hemlock. But there is a difference between pushing your limits and destroying yourself.”

Hemlock looked up at him, his vision swimming with unshed tears. “I just want to be strong. To control this.”

“And you will,” Amancio said firmly. “But not like this. You need to rest and heal. Only then can you truly master your abilities.”

Seraphina's expression softened, and she gently placed a hand on Hemlock's shoulder. “Come now, Hemlock. Let's get you to rest for a few moments. Just a short break, and then you can return to training.”

Hemlock looked between them, his stubbornness warring with the undeniable exhaustion he felt. Finally, he nodded, allowing Seraphina to help him up.

“Alright,” he said, his voice a reluctant murmur. “Just for a little while.”

They guided him back to his room, Seraphina’s presence a comforting balm to his frayed nerves. As she helped him settle into bed, she brushed a stray lock of hair from his forehead.

“I will offer you a deal,” Seraphina said, “Calypso is one of my students. Her lessons are never long… rest through hers and once her lesson is complete, I will come get you, does that sound fair? Besides, even if you don’t think you need a break, surely Amancio would enjoy one for himself, you know him.”

“Fine…” Hemlock nodded slowly.

“Rest now,” Seraphina said softly. “We’ll resume when you’re ready.”

Hemlock nodded, his eyes already drooping. The bed felt comforting beneath him, making his body ease up even slightly on how terrible he felt. And despite his determination to stay awake, sleep claimed him swiftly.

Seraphina returned to the study, where Amancio was waiting. His expression was thoughtful, his eyes dark with concern.

“He’s determined to destroy himself,” Amancio said, his voice a low rumble, “He is more reckless than most fledglings…”

“He’s not trying to destroy himself,” Seraphina replied, her tone gentle but firm. “He’s desperate to prove himself. To you, especially.”

Amancio raised an eyebrow. “To me?”

Seraphina nodded. “I sensed it in his thoughts and feelings. He’s driven by a need to make us proud. But more than anything, he’s afraid of disappointing you.”

Amancio’s eyes softened, a rare vulnerability showing through his usual stoic demeanor. “I didn’t realize… I’ve always pushed him hard, but I never thought he’d push himself to this extent.”

“That’s why you need to talk to him,” Seraphina said, her gaze unwavering. “He respects you more than anyone. My words won’t reach him in the same way yours will.”

Amancio sighed, a weight settling on his shoulders. “Very well. I will speak with him.”

They returned to Hemlock’s room, finding him asleep, his face pale and drawn.

Seraphina sat beside him, her touch gentle as she stroked back his white hair, pushing it off Hemlock’s face. Her fingers brushed over his head, almost like petting a puppy. It didn’t wake him, in fact Amancio observed that it made Hemlock gradually less tense. Even the way Seraphina rubbed his arm, every kind and affectionate touch.

Amancio pulled a chair close, his expression pensive as he watched the young wraithling.

“He’s so fragile,” Seraphina murmured, her eyes filled with a maternal warmth. “And yet, so strong. He just needs guidance.”

Amancio nodded, his gaze never leaving Hemlock. “He’s remarkable. And stubborn. Much like myself.”

“He’s just a kid, Amancio,” Seraphina’s voice was regretful. “Well, he’s young. Twenty three years as a human… how could that just be stolen like this?”

“It is much like us, dear Sera,” Amancio said softly, “You were once but a girl, a young woman really. A nurse, weren’t you? During the war…”

“I was, indeed,” Seraphina said softly, “And you were but a boy not unlike Hemlock… an author, a poet, a soldier…”

“And yet, there was no other option for us except a cease of existence,” Amancio said, “Much like him, much like many of us.”

For a while, they sat in silence, the room filled with the soft sounds of Hemlock’s breathing. Eventually, Hemlock stirred, his eyes fluttering open. He blinked up at them, disoriented and still feeling the residual nausea.

As he processed Seraphina and Amancio, he inhaled sharply, panicked.

Seraphina smiled warmly, brushing a hand over his hair again, “How are you feeling, young wraithling?”

“A bit better,” Hemlock lied, trying to sit up. But as he did, another wave of nausea hit him, he groaned softly, wrapping an arm around his stomach.

“You poor dear…” Seraphina said, her voice filled with concern. “Let’s see…”

She stood, getting off the bed from where she sat and looking around the room. No bins, but she did find an empty vase on the windowsill.

“Glad neither of you are big fans of floral arrangements,” she said, laughing lightly.

She quickly brought it over, just in time as Hemlock retched dryly. She sat next to him, keeping it steady. She watched him, listened. Her senses were heightened snd the way she could hear Hemlock’s stomach gurgle and writhe made her cast a sympathetic look toward him and a concerned one toward Amancio, though she said nothing.

She heard it then, the way acid came up his poor throat, she tightened her hold on the vase and held him by a shoulder just as he retched again, this time bringing up not only the remnants of his stomach contents but also a strange, translucent substance that shimmered eerily in the dim light.

Amancio’s eyes widened slightly, his curiosity piqued, moving the chair closer without getting too close.

“Interesting,” he murmured. “Your dual nature is purging both human and ectoplasmic matter.”

Hemlock wiped his mouth with a trembling hand, his eyes filled with a mix of embarrassment and discomfort. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I didn’t mean to get sick. I’m sorry.”

Seraphina placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “It’s alright, Hemlock. You needed the rest. We’re more concerned about your well-being.”

“I’m sorry…” Hemlock said, and then mumbled something. Neither Amancio nor Seraphina caught it.

“What was that, wraithling?” Amancio asked softly.

“Gonna… gonna throw-“

Hemlock shook his head, his nerves made his stomach churn once more. He retched again, harder this time. Seraphina holding the vase steady for him. The ectoplasm mixed with the more familiar bile, splattering in the vase. One or the other or both got stuck in his throat.

He coughed, hard, but the hard coughing only made him practically projectile expel stomach acid and ectoplasm in a thick sludge that felt thicker and thicker each time.

“You’re alright,” Seraphina soothed, her touch gentle, rubbing his bad, “Just breathe through it. Amancio, grab some water…”

Hemlock retched again, harder. Seraphina felt his stomach pull in, his back shake, heard the thick substance splatter in the vase.

After a few more minutes, the sickness seemed to pass, leaving Hemlock weak and trembling and hyperventilating but no longer in immediate distress. Amancio watched him with an analytical gaze, his mind clearly working through the implications of Hemlock’s condition.

“Your body’s reaction is both fascinating and concerning,” Amancio said finally. “It appears your ghostly side is trying to cleanse itself in tandem with your human side. You will not be training for the rest of the evening but I will be closely monitoring your condition and notating it in your species file…”

Hemlock shook his head, “No… no… I want to keep training…”

“I do not factor in what you are asking for,” Amancio said, “You are too ill to continue and your condition is entirely precarious…”

“But I can’t quit,” Hemlock insisted, “Really I’m fine…”

A confused look crossed Seraphina’s face, shifting her gaze from Hemlock to the contents of the vase, then back to Hemlock and back to the vase again.

“That,” Seraphina said, tilting her head toward the vase, “Is definitely a symbol that you are, in fact, nowhere near as fine as you say.”

“But I am!” Hemlock tried to insist, “I promise. I don’t want…”

“You haven’t disappointed us, Hemlock,” Seraphina said firmly, cutting him off as she brushed a strand of hair from his forehead. “You’ve shown incredible strength and determination. But you must learn to listen to your body.”

Amancio nodded in agreement. “Pushing through pain and illness does not make you stronger. It’s knowing when to rest and when to push forward that will make you a true master of your abilities.”

Hemlock looked between them, his eyes filled with a mix of hope and uncertainty. “I understand. I’ll try to be more careful.”

Seraphina’s eyes softened with affection. “We’re here to help you, ‘lock. You don’t have to prove anything to us. We already see your potential and your strength.”

Amancio leaned forward, his gaze intense yet kind. “Your journey is not just about pushing limits but also about understanding them. We will help you find that balance.”

Hemlock took a deep breath, feeling a weight lift from his shoulders. “Thank you,” he said quietly. “I won’t let you down.”

Seraphina smiled warmly. “We know you won’t. Now, let’s get you more comfortable.”

As they helped him settle back into bed, Hemlock felt a sense of calm wash over him. Seraphina sat beside him, arm wrapped around him, letting him rest his head on her shoulder while she went back to running her hands through his sweaty hair. A simple vanishing charm made the vase disappear and someone conjured or grabbed another bin, setting it next to Hemlock’s bed. Amancio now sat with his records journal in his lap.

It was quiet, comfortable. And for once, Hemlock felt entirely safe in his environment.

#emeto #sickfic #emeto fic #emeto cw #emeto tw #emetophilia #emeto writer

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owl-at-home-28 · 1 month ago

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Just read Traces of Sun and wanted to come here say that I love it !!

It's so good especially the way it handles relationships, trauma and character developments like damn I genuinely cried in like nearly a year , not many books can make me tear up but this one really played with the feels . It's just a really good read ! Very well written and love the way characters develop and the author works with mental health subjects , it's just done well and it has a hopeful happy ending !!

This book was just something I need right now !!

Just an age warning:

this manhwa deals with dark and heavy, just mainly mature stuff , please be over at least 17 while reading it ! Things get pretty heavy there's also a scene of an attempt so yah take care of your mental health !!

Trigger Warning:

depression, suicide ideation, suicidal thoughts , self injury , child abuse , c-ptsd and trauma things including panic attacks , flashbacks , problems with relationships (platonic and romantic) etc . there's a lot .. it's pretty heavy in the that aspect

Plot summary by a unprofessional:

it's a dungeon type manhwa with bl or shonen ai as canon , very cute relationship, even when ml feels like a red flag I insist keep going this emotionally repressed and traumatized man turns out to be a big BIG Green flag .

The MC is just amazing his journey with mental health, suicide ideation and thoughts , survival guilt (with loosing loving amazing friends) and c-ptsd are beautifully depicted with the story progression .

I think I personally love the end where it's " I'm not better yet but I will get there someday with this amazing new friends/family I have found ".

Though I wouldn't recommend it for people who only read dungeon , hunter type manhwa for action alone .. it definitely has its badass moments but not something the plot focuses on it's main focus is around its people and their journey focusing a lot on mental health aspects , also has suspense and cliffhanger moments . Would definitely recommend it if you like manhwa like :

S class that I raised , trash of count family, regressor instructions manual , etc though there's way less occurrence of mc plotting things , and no time travel or regression going on , but the characters hold similar complexities in nature and development, it's different but good ! Also a good and small read for people who like mdzs and tgcf .

Trigger Warning again I guess and plot point : just a reminder this deals heavily around suicide, thoughts and ideation .

If you're looking for Bl, angst with happy ending, especially around the suicidal thoughts, ideation , attempt(albeit a little doubtful one) with hopeful end !

I would highly recommend

P.S specially wanted mention to these amazing friends who die. cause there's a chapter that had a choke hold on my feels for a while ! This chapter was definitely something I didn't know I needed in my life until I found it !!

#traces of the sun #jeong yi seon #su hyun #s classes that i raised #manhua #dungeon type #hunter x restorer #plot plots #manhwa recommendation #underrated #mental health #dark topics #trauma talks #tw: sucidal thoughts

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muddyorbsblr · 2 years ago

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the lion and the lamb

See my full list of works here!

Part of the 500 Follower Celebration Requested by: Anonymous

Summary: Loki has some questions for you after Shaun called you two 'lion and lamb'

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: implied smut; slight horndog vibes from both Reader and Loki; some language Mr Satchel would shake his head at; cringe lines from Twilight [let me know if i missed anything]

Things to be aware of: established relationship

"Miss Y/L/N, my systems are detecting an override on your apartment door," FRIDAY announced into the quiet of your bedroom. "It's Mister Laufeyson. Shall I grant him access to your apartment? This has proven to be a pattern since you two have begun your relationship."

"No," you answered the AI, an amused smile pulling at the corners of your mouth. "Let him work for it a little." You stifled a giggle as you heard the front door of your apartment open.

"Perimeter breached," the AI announced.

"FRIDAY, honey, I'm gonna have to encourage you to turn a blind eye because I guarantee you once he gets here he'll be breaching more than the perimeter."

If disembodied AI assistants could blush, she definitely would have by now. "Very well then. Goodnight, Miss Y/L/N."

"Night, FRIDAY."

You tried to progress what you could with the remainder of your paperwork from the latest mission before Loki reached your bedroom, providing the details of the drives you and Shaun had recovered that were still pending further analysis courtesy of you and Natasha…which would then set off a whole new set of paperwork to file out. The mere notion of it made you groan and sigh in exasperation.

"Now that is a sound I do not wish to hear unless I am the one eliciting them from you, darling." You couldn't help but smirk as you grouped together all the tedious forms and placed them back in your "todo" folder and placing them inside the drawer of your nightstand. That smirk quickly grew into a smile as you felt the bed dip beside you and a pair of arms wrap around your waist to pull you towards him, situating you between his legs, your back flush against his chest.

The feel of him pressing his lips to your cheek as he tightened his embrace had you sighing in contentment.

"That is a much better sound, my darling," he mumbled against your skin, trailing his kisses down to your neck. "I have been looking forward to this all day. I've missed you." He kissed his way back up to your ear, making you giggle as he playfully nipped at your earlobe. "Before I get sidetracked, however, I will need your…extensive knowledge on modern Midgardian literature, dear heart."

"You mean my knowledge on cheesy campy pop culture?" He hummed his agreement against your skin, pressing another kiss, this time closer to the corner of your mouth. You turned your head towards him, letting him capture your lips in a tender kiss, more chaste and playful than anything really. "Ask away," you prompted him, smiling into his kiss.

"Xu made a comment earlier likening our relationship to some animals…?" he trailed off, his confusion evident in his tone. It took nearly all your self control not to let out a chuckle as you began to narrow down the possibilities of what Shaun could have possibly said.

"And these animals would be…?"

"A lion and a lamb," he finished. That did it. You turned your head away from him and your body began to shake in laughter, leading him to once again tighten his arms around you and pull you against him as he audibly mirrored your amusement. "I take it you know the context of the remark?" Your giggles quickly melted into whimpering moans as he pressed numerous kisses along the column of your neck.

"I do," you breathed out, lightly tapping your hand on his thigh in a signal to cease his attentions and allow you a moment to gather your thoughts. With a final lingering kiss to the particularly sensitive spot between your neck and shoulder, he pulled away. "You better buckle in, sweetie, because this is a particularly bumpy ride. We're taking a deep dive into my adolescent years."

You tried moving out of his embrace so you could grab your phone, but his hold on you didn't budge. "What do you need, darling?"

"My phone," you answered him, chuckling as both your phones suddenly materialized in his hand in a flash of green. "Hmmm thank you, Mischief," you said softly, craning your head to press a quick kiss to his lips as you reached for your phone, already starting to type in the search engine. "It's a reference to a book and movie series called Twilight. It was this whole phenomenon back in the late 2000s until the early 2010s. Paranormal teen romance, vampires, werewolves…love triangle between a vampire, a human, and a werewolf…people took sides on who to choose between the vampire and the werewolf…"

"And may I ask who you chose in this…riveting crossroads of adolescence?"

You scrunched your nose at his sarcasm, answering with no hesitation, "The vampire. What can I say? I've always liked my men tall and pale. Oop, sorry." You brought your face a few inches closer to his. "I like my gods tall and pale, too."

Somehow your playful words elicited a guttural sound from him, moving him to close the distance between you and claim your mouth in a decadent yet possessive kiss. As if he was trying to remind you that you were his and his alone. Not that you needed the reminder; you'd quietly pledged yourself to him long before he even made it known that the attraction was mutual.

"Watch your words, darling," he groaned against your lips. "Lest you wish for this conversation to take a more…intimateturn."

"Okay okay I give," you laughed against him.

"Now tell me about this lion and lamb business," he prompted, smiling against your skin as he proceeded to press his lips to your cheek once more.

You quickly typed in the words "twilight lion and lamb" into your phone in order to pull up the quote to aid your explanation. "The author really thought that she was being slick with this analogy," you started with a sardonic chuckle. "The quote is being said by Edward, the vampire, likening himself to a lion, a predator. And he's saying it to Bella, the human, likening her to a lamb, the lion's prey."

"How elementary," Loki groaned, covering his eyes with one of his hands in visible mortification. "Centuries of evolution and that was truly the best that humanity could manage in the realm of literature?" You shrugged, giving him a look as if you were apologizing on behalf of the entire human race. "I beg of you, darling, tell me this paltry piece of adolescent fiction had at least a few better utterings?"

You quickly pulled up a short list of the most popular lines from the first book, handing him your phone so that he could peruse through them at his own pace that was comparatively – hilariously – faster than yours.

"I fail to understand how Xu would make that comparison, however. I would never prey upon you. You are not food to me," he grumbled, pressing kisses to your hair as he continued scrolling through the lines. "You are the woman I love." Your heart fluttered at his words. You'd both said it before, of course, but it never hurt to hear the words. Especially when he found so many ways to say it.

"Might be that Shaun said that because comparatively, I'm…well, weaker," you offered with a casual shrug. "I mean let's look at the stats, shall we? You're an Asgardian, a god, a master sorcerer, and a frost giant. I'm a little girl with a license to carry a gun. From an evolutionary standpoint, I would be prey to your predator." You motioned towards him. "Lion." And then motioned towards yourself. "Lamb. Well…at least I hope that that's how Shaun was trying to articulate it."

"Oh Norns," he groaned in audible mortification. "Please tell me that this line did not ignite something in you when you were younger, my love." You gave him an expectant look, prompting him to feed the line. "Do I dazzle you?"

You physically recoiled in his embrace as you broke out into a fit of laughter. "At least now I know that there are lines so bad that even you can't save them," you answered. "And for the record, no. That line never did shit to me. I hear that and I go dry. Like sand."

"This is still quite elementary," he said after scrolling through another page. "But it's less horrendous. If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it," he whispered into your ear before proceeding to press his lips to the skin just below it. "I'm not ashamed to admit that I've dreamt of you since the day I first laid eyes on you. You consumed my every thought so masterfully, so thoroughly, that I first assumed you were a sorceress playing tricks with my mind."

"And now?" you queried breathlessly as once again the god found a way to string words together in such a way that you were surely ensnared in his relentless attention, mind, body, and heart.

"Now…I know simply it is because the moment I saw you that every ounce of my being chose you right then and there. That I would gladly spend my days loving and protecting you; having you return my affection was simply a blissful bonus." His lips traced the outline of your ear as he murmured the next words that completely melted you against him. "My new, glorious purpose."

"That is so much better than you are my life now," you sighed as you leaned back against his chest. "Now I'm conflicted. I don't know whether to thank Shaun for the comparison or kick his ass tomorrow."

"A decision to be made tomorrow morning, my darling mortal," he chuckled as both your phones disappeared once again in a flash of green magic, allowing him to wrap his now free arm around you as well. You turned your head towards him, silently requesting for a kiss that he more than happily granted, his lips moving languidly against yours as he ran one of his hands down the length of your torso.

You squeaked into his mouth when you felt his fingers playing along the waistband of your pajama bottoms. "What're you doing?" you giggled as he continued to press his lips to yours.

"Well, my darling, you mentioned something about going dry," he cooed against your lips. "Allow me to remedy that."

A/N: This took a while to finish, but I'm happy how it turned out in the end! I hope you like it, Anon! There were some things I changed because mostly I couldn't write in good conscience that Y/N had a copy of the books just lying around 🤣

Everything tag list: @lokisgoodgirl @lokischambermaid @imalovernotahater @mygfloki @lucylaufeyson3 @thomase1 @springdandelixn @fictive-sl0th @mochie85 @laliceee @xorpsbane @gigglingtigger @silverfire475 @cabingrlandrandomcrap @vickie5446 @salempoe @lokixryss @sinsandguilt @lokidbadguy @alexakeyloveloki @glitterylokislut @arch-venus25 @freefrommars @littlemortals @cakesandtom @girl-of-multi-fandoms @mischief2sarawr @thedistractedagglomeration @five-miles-over @goblingirlsarah @peaches1958 @huntress-artemiss @lilibet261 @iobsessoverfictionalmen @holymultiplefandomsbatman @lovingchoices14 @avoliax @devilsadvocactus @purplegrrl27 @lokiprompts @sititran @imherefortomhiddleston @ladyjames78 @stupidthoughtsinwriting @kikster606 @evelyn-kingsley @kats72 @ronnieissupermegafoxyawesomehot @creationsbyme @coldnique

#loki x reader #loki x female reader #loki fanfiction #loki fanfic #loki laufeyson fanfic #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic #mcu fanfiction #muddyorbs writes #fic requests

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