#you may not understand but i feel as though a heavy weight has been lifted off my shoulders

[koushirouizumi]

On the second day, Koushiro dropped his “m”s. “You   ay   ot u  dersta  d, Te  to  o  , but I feel as though a heavy weight has bee   lifted off of   y shoulders.” “I see. That’s good.” Tentomon smiled encouragingly.

Digimon Adventure Novel; “The Inquisitive Heart” Translation from Digital Scratch (Link in the comments)

[dorabellingham]

El classico

warning: none

characters: jude x reader

summary: when after a bad game, he seeks comfort in you

may contain spelling and translation errors!

The night after El Clásico seemed to have been tinged with a weight too heavy to bear. The Santiago Bernabéu, which had previously been vibrating with the expectation of a victory, was now silent under the crushing defeat of 4-0. Jude could barely lift his face; the score was like a punch that had hit him straight in the heart, a mixture of humiliation and helplessness that he had not expected to feel so intensely.

The stadium corridors were quiet, the haggard faces of the players mingled with those of the few remaining staff. Jude walked with heavy steps, ignoring the greetings of his colleagues and the murmur of the journalists who tried to capture some reaction. He just wanted to get out of there, to escape the shadow of that defeat.

As soon as he reached the parking lot, he took out his cell phone and, without thinking much, called you. Your voice was the first thing he thought of; he didn't want to talk to anyone other than his girlfriend. Deep down, he knew that you were the only person who could understand without judging, without demanding anything.

—Hey, Jude!

You answered with that welcoming tone that made him breathe a little slower, even in the most tense situations.

Jude let out a heavy sigh before saying something, feeling tiredness mix with frustration.

—Babe... it was a disaster. A complete disaster.

His voice sounded tired, almost exhausted, and there was a vulnerability there that he rarely let show.

You, on the other end of the line, could feel every emotion through his tone, as if you were right there by his side.

—I saw it, babe. —You answered softly, trying not to let him feel like he was being judged. —Do you want to come over to my house? We can talk, or just... be quiet, if you prefer.

He nodded, even though you couldn’t see it.

—I need you now, Y/n... I don’t want to talk to anyone. Just you.

In less than half an hour, Bellingham arrived home. As soon as you opened the door, he walked in slowly, his shoulders still slumped, his eyes downcast, and his face marked by tension. You approached and wrapped him in a hug, a gesture that he returned with a grip so firm that it almost seemed desperate.

—I can’t believe what happened. —He murmured, hiding his face in your shoulder. —So many people were counting on me, you know? It’s not just a game, darling... it’s not just a defeat. It’s... it’s like I failed everyone, the club, the fans. They trusted me.

You stroked his back, feeling how shaken he was. Jude was always strong, a leader on and off the field, but moments like these showed his more human side.

—Honey, you’re an incredible player. One defeat doesn’t change that. Everyone who understands football knows that the sport is like that, sometimes, even the best player has bad days. But you’re an essential part of the team, and they know it.

He shook his head, still not convinced.

—I know it sounds easy to say this, but... I don’t feel that way. Today was humiliating. The pressure from the fans, the disapproving looks... it’s too much.

You held his face between your hands, looking him in the eyes tenderly.

—Jude, you’ve overcome so much. Remember when you were just a little boy who dreamed of playing professional soccer? Look how far you’ve come. And you know how capable you are. This game was just a stumbling block, but you’re much stronger than that.

For a moment, he remained silent, absorbing your words. Then he closed his eyes and nodded slowly. You were his anchor, and just having you there made him feel a lightness he couldn’t find in anyone else.

You smiled at him, pulling him to the couch.

—Sit down. I’ll get us some tea, and you can tell me what else is on your mind, if you want.

As you went to the kitchen, Jude threw himself on the couch, letting his body sink into the cushions. Anger still burned inside him, but the warmth of the house and your affection helped ease the weight.

You came back with a steaming mug of chamomile tea in your hands and sat down next to him, offering the mug. He held your hand before taking the tea, as if he needed that contact to steady himself. After a sip, he sighed deeply and began to talk, telling you every detail that bothered him –the plays that didn't work out, the pressure from the fans, the feeling of helplessness.

—I know it's weird to say this... —He confessed. —But even after everything, I feel like I owe them something. I don't know how I'm going to go back there and face all of this again.

You squeezed his hand and shook your head.

—It's not weird, Jude. It shows how much you care, how much you respect what you do. That feeling is what makes you a special player.

He smiled sideways, a slight smile, still without much conviction, but a little more hopeful.

—I’m lucky to have you, Y/n. Seriously. You have no idea how much this means.

You rested your head on his shoulder and closed your eyes, feeling grateful for being there for him.

—And I’m lucky to have you. Now, you’re going to rest, recharge your batteries, and tomorrow is a new day. You’re going back to the field, babe. Stronger than ever.

Jude looked at you, with deep gratitude in his eyes. He knew there would still be challenges, but with you by his side, he was sure he would be able to face anything.

[absurdthirst]

Fucking Fungus {Joel Miller x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 6k

Warnings: SEX POLLEN, dub con, post apocalyptic world, scavenging, guilt, shame, desire, Joel having a bad attitude, mentions of periods, rough sex, neediness, unprotected sex, cream pie

Comments: Coming across Wymore, NE, you hoped to find some much needed supplies for the coming winter but you find that the fungus has mutated in dangerous and frightening ways. Needing to insure that there are more hosts to infect in a very basic kind of way.

🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉Happy Birthday @storiesofthefandomlovers!!!! I love you and hope you have the best damn day! In thotty tradition, here is a sex pollen to celebrate another year around the sun!🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉

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|| MasterList || Joel Miller MasterList ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

The world has changed in the past twenty years. None of it for the betterment of humanity. The crunch of the dried leaves grinds under your boots and your head rotates left and then right as you watch, listen. Waiting for any sign of life or more importantly, danger. The weight of your rifle is heavy in your hands, although you hold it down, unassuming but ready to be lifted at a second’s notice. 

“I don’t know why you don’t just hook it over your shoulder.” Ellie snorts, her backpack bouncing slightly on her back from the steps that seem so unencumbered by worry. Why should she worry when there are two fully armed adults on either side of her. Her own personal guard in a manner of speaking. “There hasn’t been anything out here for daaaaaays.” She drags the word out like it's the most horrible thing in the world that it’s been peaceful. 

Joel snorts, rolling his eyes as you glance over at him and then look back out at the surrounding terrain. “Yeah, that’s why we are on guard.” He grunts, even though his own rifle is on his shoulder. His hand gripped the shoulder sling loosely but he had only just put it up there half an hour ago after you had taken your turn relaxing as much as you can. “it’s too fucking quiet.” 

He’s right. After the disasters that had been Kansas City, you had tried to avoid major cities, but even in the small towns, you had come across plenty of cordyceps and clickers. You hate the clickers with a passion.

The isolation can account for a lot of the silence. Miles stretching between remnants of civilization. The crumbling buildings and overgrown roads give the entire midwest a sense of peace. It’s unnerving. 

Your grip adjusts, head rolling around your shoulders slightly to try to loosen the knot that builds up in your shoulders after so long. The weight of your pack isn’t as heavy as it should be, the rations not exactly filling since you had to escape that one clicker in Du Bois, Nebraska. Your pack had been ripped and most of the food you had been carrying was lost. 

You glance over at Joel, noticing the way his shoulders seem to hang, almost a reflection of the way you feel. “We need to risk a larger town.” You murmur quietly, knowing that his first instinct will be to argue with you. You stumble slightly over a rock and hiss when you feel the hole in the sole of your boots. 

“Too dangerous.” Joel snorts, shaking his head even as he watches you regain your footing. “I’ve got some duct tape in my bag.” He reminds you, knowing that you should probably reinforce that shoe before you lose the sole all together. 

“It’s not just shoes.” You protest, trying to ignore the way that Ellie groans obnoxiously loud and stomps her foot. 

“Come on, man!” She throws her own arguments into the ring. “I need tampons! We could find them if there was jack shit out here, but there’s not. Do you want me to attract wild animals?” She presses, glaring at Joel who looks equal parts horrified and unconvinced. She cracks an evil grin. “Circling us in the wild as I just leave behind a trail of blood? Aaaaand tears.” She adds, lifting her brows. “Periods are really emotional things.” 

Biting your lip to keep from snorting, you watch as Joel; normally stoic, no bullshit Joel, can’t seem to string together the words to respond. His eyes slide over to you, almost pleading with you to say something. 

Your brows lift in question and he twitches slightly, his dark eyes unhappy with you not immediately jumping in to save him. “We could use the food if we can find any.” You rationalize, smirking when his brows pinch together and he looks like he had just been betrayed. 

“Clean underwear!” Ellie adds. “Or….cleaner. And a heavier fucking coat.” She shivers slightly and you can see that is the moment when Joel caves. He acts like a prick most of the time, but he’s got a soft spot for the kid. He won’t admit, maybe not even to himself, but he looks over at the faded and nearly rusted out sign. 

You continue walking, not pressing any more and you can hear the grumbling thoughts that are rolling through Joel’s mind. The now half hearted protests about why this is such a bad idea but you wait for the sigh. 

Almost even with the sign is when it comes, heavy and it sounds almost pained. Like he is going against everything he believes in. “Stop.” He huffs, shuffling to pull his bag off his back and kneeling down with a groan and the small pops of fifty plus year old knees. Unzipping the pocket where he keeps the Atlas and flips the worn pages to Nebraska. Glancing back at the road behind you and then at the sign before looking at the map. Tracing the route that you had already traveled before looking ahead at the towns that were on highway 77. 

Ellie doesn’t say a word but she practically bounces on her toes as she waits for his decision. You know that he’s going to agree, it’s just a matter of which town he chooses. He knows the truth of the situation. Winter is going to come quicker than any of you want, your food supply is low, you could probably all use a new set of boots, and all of you would kill for a halfway decent musty mattress to sleep on. Four walls and a hopefully non-leaking roof over your heads would be the icing on the cake. 

“Wymore is coming up in fifty-eight miles.” He taps the map and looks up at you to see what you think. 

Ellie shuffles slightly and instead of grinning, you crane your neck to look at the map yourself. “It looks like it’s bigger than the last few towns, but at least it’s not like we are running into Lincoln.” You hum before you nod. “I say we try.”

“Yessssss!” The teenager pumps her fist in excitement and she grins when Joel rolls his eyes. You’ve noticed that like any normal teenager, her favorite activity is annoying any kind of parental unit and pushing boundaries. This applies to Joel whether or not he likes it. “I want to find another joke book too.” 

Joel groans but you just turn around, grinning yourself as Joel mumbles under his breath, stuffing the map back in his pack and zipping it up. Joel and Ellie are alike in a lot of ways, especially their penchant for mumbling. 

You resist the urge to offer him a hand up, knowing he will be even more pissy if you do. For someone who complains about being older, he gets downright grouchy when he’s reminded of that same fact. “Well then, the quicker we get there, the quicker we don’t have to hear ‘are we there yet?’.” You snort, making Ellie grin shamelessly as she shrugs, knowing she will do exactly that. 

“So let’s get going.” She doesn’t wait for anyone, just setting off down the road and leaving the two of you to catch up with her. 

****

It takes you nearly three days to get to Wymore. All of you are tired, but Joel is the one who barely sleeps, even when you force him to lay down. It’s as if he cannot stop trying to protect Ellie, and also you, long enough for him to rest. He gets upset when he has to sleep, staying up until he is nodding off. The coffee supply has been exhausted and it’s probably a good thing. He would drink it all day to the point where his hands would shake from too much caffeine. Still he just wouldn’t trust you to make sure that no one snuck up on you for a few hours until he was past the point of being useless. 

The first signs of the town are a welcomed relief but it’s also an added source of tension. Each mile that you had traveled had added to the fear that this might be the time that you fail. That something goes wrong and someone else dies. The road here has not been easy and the losses have weighed heavily on all of you. Joel still won’t even mention Tess and you hate it when you wake up in the early morning hours to find him staring down at the broken face of his watch with a look that breaks your heart. 

Every approach into a new area can mean danger, either from the clickers or from humans and honestly you don’t know which one you fear more. Your gun is back in your hand, the weight of it familiar and comforting as you pass the first gas station, the windows busted out and dried fungus clinging to the building. 

“Fuck.” You hiss, uneasy at the presence of the fungal vines, even if they look like they aren’t active.

“I wonder why it looks pink.” Ellie frowns as she squints at the building. “It’s usually an ugly brown color, right?” She looks towards Joel for confirmation, but he’s busy frowning at the building himself. 

“Maybe this isn’t a good idea.” If the cordyceps have spread this far out of town then there’s a possibility there are still active branches closer to the supplies that you are looking for. 

“Come on man.” Ellie groans, kicking a dirt clod. “There’s nothing for miles. It’s probably all dead.” 

You know that Ellie is probably right, but it’s a risk. You bite your lip, looking over at Joel. “Why don’t we sweep the town and we can see?” You ask, knowing that if everything is dead, you could desperately use the rest. Cordyceps rarely return en masse when the vines have withered and died. It could be a safe place to recharge and for Joel to sleep for more than ten minutes at a time. 

You’ve stopped walking as you talk, Joel looking around as he contemplates your alternatives. To be honest, there aren’t many and both of you know it. Not without a lot of backtracking which none of you want to do. 

Joel sighs and you know that he’s going to agree. He turns to Ellie. “Don’t fucking touch anything until we say it’s alright.” He points at her for good measure, as if his finger would impress the importance of his words. “Got it?” 

“Got it.” She huffs. “Jesus, you act like we haven’t done this before.” You roll your eyes and look away, knowing you shouldn’t encourage her right now. 

It takes hours to make your way into the center of town. Not because you are blocked by clickers or avoiding humans, it’s because you are stocking up. It’s like the fungus took over this town and just let it rot. Nothing inside the first few blocks of town is disturbed. No looting has been done here, plenty of supplies to be had. 

Both you and Joel have been cautious but slowly optimistic as you’ve found boots and heavy jackets, gloves and hats. A new pair of clothes have been rolled into everyone’s bags and you’ve even grabbed another pack to fill with the mylar sealed packs of camping food from the sporting goods store. It was a miracle that nothing had been ransacked, but it makes you wonder exactly what the fuck happened here. Did the army sweep through and round up all the residents right away? It would make sense, but then why were there dead spores of the fungus here? You haven’t seen one body so far and it makes you nervous. 

“This place is a fucking gold mine.” Ellie grins like a kid in a candy store, perhaps because you’ve actually found candy and she has been sucking on the jolly ranchers until the top of her mouth is raw. “Now we just need to find a place to sleep. I want my own room.” 

Glancing over at Joel, you expect him to immediately tell her no, but he doesn’t say a word. Continuing to look around like he is expecting a clicker to pop out from the doorway of the local McDonald’s, now completely covered in that strange pink fungus. It’s like he doesn’t even hear her as he frowns at the building. 

She takes that as approval and immediately starts talking about how she’s going to spread out. Making you snort when she talks about sitting in her underwear for an hour. There hasn’t been a lot of privacy out here on the road, so you can understand that desire. 

“Joel.” You murmur his name softly, knowing that the best thing you can do is to find the motel and get settled down for the night before the sun sets. Even if this town is as safe as it appears on the surface, you would rather not be fumbling around in the dark . He doesn’t look over at you, still staring at the overgrown building as if it’s holding the secret. Maybe it reminds him of the Boston Museum, ominously covered with the tentacles of the fungus and the horrors that you had found inside it. “Joel!”

“What?” His head whips around, body tense as he’s ripped out of his thoughts. Relaxing when he finds you and Ellie staring at him. “We need to find the motel.” You remind him, nodding towards the sun getting lower in the sky. “I think we could all use a good night’s sleep.” 

He stares at you for a moment, his eyes searing your face, looking for some hidden meaning beneath your words before he glances over at an eager Ellie. “Yeah, sure.” He agrees, adjusting his rifle to sling it onto his shoulder and adjusts his now much heavier pack on his back. “Probably on the other side of the main drag.” 

His new boots thump against the cracked pavement. The roads leading deeper into the town is the guide towards what will hopefully be a comfortable bed and at least eight hours of sleep. 

Your own new boots feel pretty good, but maybe a day or so here, going through supplies and really making sure that you can take on the coming winter would be a good thing. Allowing you to break in the shoes without blisters. You’ll have to talk about it with Joel after Ellie sequesters herself for the night. 

It’s about another fifteen minutes before you get to the small motel that looks like it will be a good place to spend the night. Half the building is covered in another large cluster of the fungus, the pink hue looking particularly bright in the fading sun. 

“We’ll get some keys.” It will be better than breaking down doors, especially since the motel wasn’t equipped with the keycards that the high end hotels had started switching to before society came crashing down. 

The bad news is that the motel doesn’t have any adjoining rooms, so Joel and Ellie get into a small spat about her having her own room, Ellie eventually winning after promising that she will block the door with a dresser and he’s allowed to sweep the room before she locks herself in. Half the building is so overtaken by the vivid pink fungus that you swear looks like a big splat of bubblegum thrown over the walls. 

She doesn’t even want to have dinner with you and Joel, making the man go through the room and then telling you both goodnight and shutting the door in your face. Making you laugh as Joel frowns at the door, rethinking this entire situation. 

“Well, you can have a room to yourself too.” You offer, smirking as he cuts his eyes towards you. You know that Joel would rather everyone sleep where he can keep his eyes on them, so you getting privacy is off the table. 

“Shut up.” Joel grunts, walking down towards the next room and kicking it open, watchful even though you’ve both already been in the room and deposited your bags. It’s a nice room, two double beds so each one of you can stretch out and relax. 

You laugh quietly and decide to walk down the railing towards the portion of the building that has been overtaken by the fungus. Your curiosity about this variant is finally getting the best of you and you want to get a better look at it. 

It’s thick. The tendril that is draped over the metal railing of the second floor, wrapping around it and up the support column. You bite your lip, tilting your head when you see the withered remnants of some kind of flower. What kind of fungus sprouts flowers?

You jump when something touches your back, whirling around to find Joel behind you, holding his hands up. He smirks at you, his eyes crinkling in amusement. “Fuck you.” You hiss, narrowing your eyes and he huffs. “What are you doing?” He asks. 

Turning back towards the fungus, you sigh. “This is different from any other kind I’ve ever seen.” You comment, stepping closer to it only to feel Joel reach for your arm to pull you back. “It’s dried out.” You remind him, jerking your head towards the husk of the cordyceps. “Have you ever seen anything like this?” You know that he spent a lot of time sneaking out of the Boston QZ, it’s possible he had seen it before. 

He grunts, relaxing his hold on you and he shuffles slightly closer, looking at the flower buds that extend from the tendrils. His own suspicions about anything fungus related is deep, but it’s dried. “I haven’t.” He admits after a moment, narrowing his eyes slightly and trying to think if there is any reason why this pink coloring has the hair on the back of his neck standing on end. 

“So it’s something new.” You bite your lip and lean in, feeling the disapproval radiate off of Joel in hot waves but you ignore him. Tilting your head and reaching out to touch one of the dried flowers. 

“Don’t-”

The second your finger touches the wilted bloom, it bursts open, spurting you and Joel behind you in a cloud of pink dust. You gasp, holding your breath but there’s no hope for not inhaling the pollen. 

“Fuck!” Joel coughs, shaking his head and backing up so quickly he hits the side of the building and reaches out to drag you away from the lingering cloud of dust and starts to practically beat it off the two of you. “We need- we need-” He leans over and starts coughing, obviously having inhaled just as much of it as you had. 

“We’re okay.” You gasp, shaking your head and brushing the dust off your clothes. “We- it’s dead. Right?” You hate that you are asking that, but you hadn’t expected that from a dried out fungus.

“It- we should clean up.” Joel blinks, the pollen making his eyes itch and that has to be the cause of the rush of heat that slides over him. It’s just adrenaline. Fear. Anything that would scare both of you would make the slight nip in the air disappear and make you feel like your skin is superheated.

The water is gravity fed. The large cisterns on the roof are still full and while it’s not warm, perhaps a cold shower might be better right now. Joel drags you both to the room and locks the door, although he doesn’t push a dresser in front of it in case Ellie needs you in the night. 

In the bathroom, you are shaking as you start to strip down, worrying about how stupid you just were and if you completely fucked yourself. The anxious fear covering the way your skin seems to burn and feel so sensitive to everything. Shuddering when your hand brushes over your thigh as you push your jeans down and kick them off before you pull your shirt over your head and remove your bra. 

Clean up. Get the pollen off your skin and cool down. Your body seems to be working on overdrive. Your nipple hard under the cold water and instead of gasping in shock, you moan softly. Enjoying the sensation and reaching for the bar of soap that is still wrapped in plastic. 

Hurry up, hurry up. Joel paces around the room, his hands curled into fists. Practically sweating even though the air is cool as the sun sets. His body feels like it’s on fire, like he is battling a sickness. 

Over and over again, he goes through the symptoms of the infection of the cordyceps, there’s no veining, he’s stopped and checked his eyes and reflection in the peeling mirror about twenty times in the five minutes you’ve been in the bathroom. And he doesn’t fucking think the fungus makes his cock harder than a fucking rock in his jeans. 

He’s not thought about sex in months. Nothing beyond fleeting moments of attraction to you that he swiftly buries under guilt and responsibility. Normally, it is when you’re bent over and your ass is presented to him in such a way that he thinks about sinking into you from behind, or when your shirt pulls tight over your breasts and he imagines cupping them in his hands as you sit on his cock. Immediately dismissed and ignored as he reminds himself of how he had failed Tess, he doesn’t deserve to find warmth and comfort in your arms. 

Now, it’s all he can think about. The urge to palm his cock makes his fingers twitch and he almost moves his hand over his crotch before he flinches back to reality and tries to examine his face in the mirror again, wondering if his eyes are bloodshot from lack of sleep or if he is infected. 

Scrubbing your body is nearly painful, wanting to stop and touch yourself, but you can’t. You need to get this done and get out so Joel can shower. Still, despite the cold water, you feel like you are on fire when you shut off the water and realize that you didn’t bring your bag into the bathroom. You will have to go out there in nothing because you can’t put those clothes back on. Not until they have been washed. 

Moderately dry, you hear Joel bang on the door. “Hurry up.” He growls, making you clench your thighs together at the raspy tone and hating how it spears through you. You know Joel isn’t interested in you, hasn’t ever looked at you like that and the crush that you had on the man had been buried deep. 

“I’m done.” You don’t have a chance to be embarrassed as you open the door and Joel practically shoves past you into the bathroom and slams it behind him. “Fuck.” Your annoyance cools the heat for a moment, but it’s only temporary. 

The water is icy, but still, Joel curls his hands into fists against the shower wall. He’s fucking hard. Harder than he had probably ever been in his entire life, even when he was a horny teenager and would have fucked anyone who let him between their thighs. He’s not felt like this ever. The need to touch himself builds to the point where his hips are rocking into thin air against the spray of the water. Want clawing up his throat and pooling in his stomach in a heavy knot. 

You don’t dress, you can’t. Crawling under the covers of one of the beds, you listen to Joel groan in the bathroom, it’s muted over the sound of the shower but it’s sexy. All of his sounds are sexy, from the low grunts he gives when he’s stiff and sore, to the huffs and groans of annoyance. It’s all sexy to you. The rasp of his voice when he’s not spoken for a few hours. 

Closing your eyes, it’s easy to give in, to let your hands drift over your skin. He’s not here, you can take care of this frantic need that is swirling inside you. You just need to slide your hand between your thighs and ease it. It wouldn’t take much more than a few swipes of your fingers against your pulsing and aching clit. 

Trying to fight it, you concentrate on your breathing, in and out. Inhaling slowly and holding it so you can exhale when the burn in your lungs tells you that you’ve reached your limit. It helps, but not much. Not when you’re imagining Joel in his shower. Touching him. Being free to touch him and having his hands on your body in return. 

Your hands slip over your breasts, squeezing them hard enough to moan softly and your legs shift to press together. Clenching around nothing and wishing that you were full while your hands start to move down over your stomach. 

The first touch is almost a relief, your entire core quivering as your fingers press against your clit. It’s overwhelming and not enough. You need more, fingertips pressing and rubbing around the puffed up bundle of nerves. You’re already soaked and can feel it dripping down your slit. 

Spurred on by that insatiable need, you slide your fingers around your entrance and start to press them inside. Biting your lip to keep yourself from moaning. Imagining that it’s more, that it’s a cock that is starting to break you open and fill that void that is aching. 

You are so caught up in the bliss of that first stretch of your fingers that you don’t hear the shower turn off. The quiet curses coming from the bathroom are muffled by the rush of blood in your ears, the feeling of relief coursing through your nerves and taking over. You don’t hear the click of the lock and the turn of the handle. The door opening doesn't even register as you plant your heels on the bed and push your hips up, needing to get your fingers deeper, not quite reaching the spot inside you that craves fullness. 

You don’t hear him until he chokes out a sound that is pained and low, like he’s injured. Your eyes pop open as you lurch up off the bed, your fingers ripping themselves out of your cunt hard enough to make you whimper. Fixed on Joel’s towel draped body, tented over his waist. 

“Joel, I-” “Fuuuuuck.” He growls, his eyes closing and his hands bunches into fists, one holding his towel and the other by his side. “I’ve tried to not think about you, about touching you.” His words are rasped out, strained against his vocal cords. “I’ve goddamn beat into my brain that you aren’t to be thought about this way and now, I can’t stop.” His stomach clenches and his body twitches as he struggles to keep still. 

Your chest heaves and you see his eyes drop down to your uncovered tits. His jaw clenching and his Adam’s Apple bobbing as he swallows. “I - I need to touch myself.” You admit breathlessly. “I - it hurts so bad and I need something inside me.” 

Joel groans again, shuddering so violently that you can see him shake from where you are. “I’ve jerked off in the shower twice and it's still hard.” He drops the towel, revealing his hard and leaking cock, making you whimper at the sight and clench around nothing. “I think that- that we- that the flower-” “I don’t care.” You moan, shaking your head and crawling to your knees and shuffling forward. Showing him all of you and so goddamn desperate to touch him that you think you are about to explode. “Touch me, Joel. Fuck, touch me, please.” You beg, your hands on your own body. “We-” He shakes his head and his face changes, morphs into pain.

“Fuck me.” You hiss, watching as his resolve breaks. His cock bounces as he lunges for you, hard and swift, driving you back to the bed with a bounce. Almost as if he is attacking you. 

He’s not gentle. His mouth finding yours in a harsh kiss, your permission unleashing the coils of restraint that he had tried to put on himself. His grip bruises as he hauls you up the bed and settles between your thighs. 

You’ve always attributed Joel with rough gentleness. The type of man who would make you ache and then hold you close. Groaning in pleasure when you find out that is exactly what Joel Miller is like. His hands spreading your thighs with a desperation that proves he is just as afflicted by this fungal pollen as you are. His cock hard and pressing against your folds as he rocks his hips forward to line up. Almost unable to find the hole with his eagerness to sink into you. 

“Joel, hurry.” Your hands shake, holding onto him and urging him closer to you, frantic with need now that you know that you are going to have him inside you. 

“Goddamn, I’m trying.” He hisses, hating to let you go so he can take his cock in hand. Rocking into his own grip as he shuttles his hips forward. “I’m fuckin’ trying, sweetheart.” 

You whimper when you finally feel him pressing against your entrance, choking out a sound of need that is animalistic. Only to cry out in bliss as he pushes inside you without another delay. 

He groans, eyes cinched shut as he slides inside you to the hilt, burying himself in your heat and feeling that coil in his stomach tighten even more now that your walls are around him. Immediately starting to move just as soon as he fills you, driving by that need and burning in his very veins. 

It’s exquisite, the pain and pleasure blending and fusing in your stomach, nerves alight and responding to every small movement. You can’t get enough of him, you need more. Wrapping  your legs around his hips, you rise to meet his harsh thrusts. Clenching down around him every time he hits that spot deep inside you that you couldn’t reach with your fingers. 

He shouldn’t be inside you, he shouldn’t be touching you, but now that he is, he can’t stop. Turning his head, he presses his lips to yours and slides his tongue into your mouth. Needing more. Kissing you like he had imagined a thousand times before. Giving into every urge he has had since the day he met you and repressed before right now. Snapping his hips forward sharply and pulling every groan out of your mouth to swallow down. 

Every thrust makes it better, eases that burning in your core, your cunt slick and squelching every time he drives into you. He absorbs every sound you make, almost greedy for them. His hips jarring as they slam into you. Rocking you both up the bed. 

“Oh god,” breaking away from the kiss, you moan into his ear. Closing your eyes as he pants and puffs while he fucks you. “So deep, so deep, Joel.” Your nails drag down his back, making him hiss in pleasure and pain. 

“Shit.” He groans your name, lost in the rhythm of his thrusts and the building pressure. “You needed this?” He growls, making you clench down around him hard and whimper his name. “Yessss.” You agree, nodding against the pillow. “Needed it so bad.” 

“Fuck, you’re so fucking tight.” He huffs, burying his face against your neck. Continuing to pound into you, and not letting up even though his back is screaming in pain. His body won’t let him do anything but rock his hips. Driven by a need that overrides everything else. 

His words make you burn, making you even more desperate for him. Your hips rock up and legs tightening around his waist even more. Loving how his cock stretches you out and scrubs against every nerve in your cunt. Lighting up your body until you are gasping on the edge of that much needed orgasm. 

Every plunge into your body brings him closer to cumming, desperate to feel that emptiness, that wrung out filling once he has filled you. He shouldn’t cum inside you, he knows that, but he’s not going to be able to stop himself. He can barely pull back enough to rock his hips back into you. 

His arms have banded around you, holding you into place as he fucks you. Deep and primal, as if he is trying to fuse the two of you into one. His cock punches into the depths of your body that you never imagined anyone reaching, but he touches it with ease. Your body pulsing with that need to come apart. 

“So close, I’m so close, baby.” You whine, body starting to tremble underneath him. “So close.” Your nails dig into his shoulder, grounding yourself to him in desperation. “Joel.” 

“I gotcha.” He groans, eyes closed and his breath fanning against your skin. “I’mma take good care of you, sweetheart.” He promises. “You’re gonna cum all over my cock, ain’t cha? Just like you wanted.” 

His words throw you over the edge, that need built up so tight inside you that it busts on the next thrust. Lights careen and collide behind your eyes, bright and beautiful as your whole body ignites into pleasure like you’ve never experienced before. Crying out loudly and soaking  him in a wave of your juices. Cumming harder than you ever have before. 

Joel growls your name, his hips stuttering as you come apart around you. Unable to hold back any longer. He buries himself deep into your hot passage and paints your walls with sticks ropes of his seed. Panting against your lips as he empties himself body and perhaps his very soul into you. 

Both of you pant, relieved and exhausted from the pure exertion of need as you had taken from each other. Joel presses into you, trying to catch his breath, but the fire is still burning low in his belly, his cock still not softening as it twitches inside you. 

“Oh fuck.” You feel that same desire still curling in your stomach, not satisfied by the intensity of the orgasm that you are still coming down from. “Joel-” 

He huffs and shakes his head. “Don’t-” he presses his lips to your again, body screaming as he starts to move again. “Shhhhhh.” 

The need still burns and both of you are still locked in its fiery grip, not yet free from the desire that washed over you from a burst of pollen. 

****

“What the fuck man, open the door!” The thudding on the door finally penetrates the bone deep sleep you had finally fallen into. You don’t know how many time Joel fucked you, or how many times he had spend himself inside you as you blearily open your eyes. 

Joel grunts, slowly opening his own eyes and unwinding himself from the tangled together position that you had passed out in. The knocking on the door keeps on. “Joel!” Your name is also shouted, Ellie starting to sound somewhat panicked when neither one of you is immediately opening the door. 

“Fuck! I’m coming.” He drags the top blanket off the bed and wraps it around his waist before flinging the door opened to blink into the harshness of the sun. “What?” He growls roughly, making Ellie’s eyes blow wide with shock.

“Holy shit, what happened to you?” She demands, pushing into the room and stopping short when she sees you sitting up in the only bed that has been disturbed, the sheet anchored beneath your armpits. “Oh shit, you fucked.” She gasps, turning and shooting Joel an impressed grin. “Way to go, old man, you made a move.” Her grin quickly turns into an expression of mild disgust when she realizes that she’s congratulating you two on having sex. “Uh, I’m gonna go now.” She huffs, wrinkling her nose and pinching it. “It smells in here.” Waving her hand in front of her face, she darts back out the door and Joel just stands there for a moment before he rolls his eyes and goes to shut the door before he thinks better of it. Sticking his head out of the room, he shouts after Ellie. “Stay away from the fucking fungus!” 

You snort, grinning to yourself as your body starts to ache. Fucking fungus indeed. 

[blingblong55]

Claimed hearts- John Price NSFW

kinktober day 15

Based on a request: Hi! For kinktober, may I please request no.2 (smut)? Queen F!Reader x King!Price - both from different kingdoms was arranged for marriage. Reader was a bit reluctant with the proposition but goes on with it, while it has been Price’s plan all along. A bit of enemy to lovers vibe along side of stalker-ish/obsessed behaviour from Price. Thank you ☺️ ---- F!Reader, MDNI, 18+, P-in-V, unprotected!sex, power play, queen!reader, king!price, sexual!tension ----

The heavy doors close behind you, and silence drapes the room, thick with tense anticipation. There’s a pause—neither of you moves, though the air between you crackles with something charged, like the stillness before a storm.

Price stands there, impossibly composed, and yet there’s something fierce and raw lurking beneath that calm. His eyes, dark and keen, seem to map out every inch of you, as though assessing how to dismantle your resolve. In his gaze, you sense an intention—a fixation that makes you feel as though he’s not just watching you; he’s unravelling you, piece by piece.

“You can put on a brave face all you want,” he murmurs, taking a deliberate step toward you, “but we both know you’ve already surrendered.”

The words send a flush to your skin, though you narrow your eyes at him. “You think you know me?” you challenge, though the slight tremor in your voice betrays you. “You may have orchestrated this, but I’m no pawn, Price.”

His mouth curves into a slow, infuriating smirk, a look that leaves you teetering between fury and… something else. Something that leaves you breathless, that keeps you frozen as he crosses the remaining distance between you.

“Is that so?” he drawls, his voice dangerously soft. His fingers find a strand of your hair, brushing it aside with a gentleness that feels startlingly out of place. “Because I’d wager that deep down, you wanted this too—whether you’ll admit it or not.”

Your breath hitches as his hand trails, almost possessively, down your jawline. There’s a warmth to his touch that sends heat rushing through you, even as you try to resist it. But he’s close now, and the scent of him—a blend of leather, tobacco, and something unmistakably his—fogs your thoughts, blurring the line between defiance and a gnawing, undeniable pull.

“Tell me, then,” he murmurs, his voice coaxing yet edged with command. “Why did you agree to this marriage? Why did you choose to walk into my hands?”

The question is disarming, but his words are layered with an understanding that cuts through your defences. You open your mouth to respond, but he beats you to it, his voice a low, tantalizing whisper. “Because, my love, you knew this was inevitable. You knew you were mine long before you stepped through those doors.”

A shiver runs down your spine, and the truth of it, spoken so plainly, unsettles you. But there’s no room for denial as he cups your chin, lifting your face to his. The rough pad of his thumb brushes over your lower lip, and his gaze flickers with a restrained hunger that sends your pulse racing.

“You can fight it all you like,” he says softly, “but we both know where this leads.”

He leans in, his lips brushing yours in the faintest ghost of a kiss—a warning and a promise. You’re dizzy with the weight of it, with the way his presence seems to seep into you, claiming parts of you you’d long thought unyielding. His voice, dark and possessive, fills the space between you as he whispers, “I will have you, heart and soul.”

A shiver of anticipation threads through you, and you realize, perhaps too late, that you’re no longer the reluctant bride. Against all odds, he’s drawn you in, ensnared you with a touch, a look, a mere whisper of his intentions. And with his breath hot against your skin, you can almost feel the surrender waiting on your lips.

The silence stretches as he pulls back, his smirk unwavering as his eyes hold yours with an intensity that leaves you weak. And just before he steps away, his voice reaches you, low and unshakable. “You’re mine. Remember that.” Price's words linger in the air, a pronouncement that seems to echo in the stillness of the chamber. Your heart pounds in your ears, a staccato rhythm that matches the sudden rush of heat coursing through your veins. For a moment, you're rendered speechless, your mind reeling from the sheer audacity of his declaration.

But you're no stranger to defiance, and as he steps back, you find your voice, though it emerges shakier than you'd like. "I'm no one's," you retort, lifting your chin in a show of stubborn pride. "And I won't be tamed by you or anyone else."

Price's smirk only deepens, a glint of amusement sparking in his eyes. "Still playing the rebel, I see," he remarks, his tone rich with mocking affection. "But we both know that's just a facade, don't we?"

He moves closer again, his presence overwhelming, his scent enveloping you like a heady cloud. You feel the warmth of his breath against your skin as he leans in, the proximity making your senses riot. "You can deny it all you want, but your body tells a different story," he murmurs, his gaze dropping pointedly to your lips.

Your breath catches, and you're suddenly acutely aware of the way your skin tingles wherever he looks, as though his eyes alone can ignite a fire within you. You want to argue, to push him away, but the words stick in your throat as he trails a finger along your jawline, his touch searing.

"You're playing a dangerous game, Price," you manage, though the warning lacks conviction. Your voice is barely above a whisper, betraying the effect he has on you. "One that you might not win."

His low chuckle sends a shiver down your spine, and he leans in closer, his lips a hairsbreadth from yours. "Oh, I don't plan to lose," he breathes, his voice a husky murmur that stirs something deep within you. "And you, my dear, are the prize I intend to claim."

Price's words hang in the air, a challenge and a promise all at once. The space between you feels electric, charged with a tension that threatens to snap at any moment. Your heart races, your skin prickling with anticipation as he leans in, his breath ghosting over your lips.

"You think you can claim me so easily?" you breathe, though the defiance in your voice is wavering. His closeness is intoxicating, his presence overwhelming in a way that makes your head spin.

"Oh, I know it won't be easy," he murmurs, his lips brushing yours in a feather-light touch that sends sparks racing through you. "But nothing worth having ever is."

His hand slides up your arm, his fingers leaving a trail of fire in their wake. You shiver, your breath catching as he cups your cheek, his thumb tracing the curve of your lower lip. The gentleness of his touch belies the hunger in his eyes, a hunger that threatens to consume you whole.

"You can't deny the pull between us," he whispers, his voice low and rough with desire. "I see it in your eyes, feel it in how your body responds to mine."

He leans in, capturing your lips in a searing kiss that steals the breath from your lungs. His tongue delves into your mouth, claiming you, possessing you in a way that leaves you dizzy with want. You moan, your fingers tangling in his hair as you pull him closer, desperate for more.

His hands roam your body, mapping every curve and valley as he deepens the kiss. You're lost in a haze of sensation, your mind reeling from the intensity of his passion. He breaks away, leaving you panting and flushed, your lips swollen from his attentions.

"Tell me you want this," he demands, his gaze boring into yours with an intensity that takes your breath away. "Tell me you're mine, body and soul."

You hesitate momentarily, your pride warring with the desire that courses through your veins. But as he leans in once more, his lips hovering over yours, you know there's no escape.

"I'm yours," you breathe out. The air crackles with electricity as Price's lips claim yours again, his kiss hungry and demanding. His hands roam your body with urgency, mapping every curve and dip as if memorizing your form. You moan into his mouth, your fingers digging into his shoulders, pulling him closer.

He breaks the kiss, trailing his lips down your neck, his teeth grazing your sensitive skin. You gasp, your head falling back as he marks you, claiming you as his own. His hands slip under your shirt, calloused fingers skimming over your heated flesh, igniting a fire wherever they touch.

"You're so responsive," he growls, his voice rough with desire. "I can feel how much you want this."

His hands cup your breasts, thumbs brushing over your hardened nipples through the thin fabric of your bra. You arch into his touch, craving more of his attention. He obliges, sliding your bra straps down your shoulders and exposing your breasts to his hungry gaze.

"Beautiful," he murmurs, before taking one nipple into his mouth. You cry out, your fingers tangling in his hair as he suckles and teases the sensitive bud. His hand massages your other breast, kneading the soft flesh until you're writhing beneath him.

He trails kisses down your stomach, his fingers making quick work of your pants. You lift your hips, allowing him to slide them down your legs, leaving you bare before him. His eyes darken with lust as he takes in the sight of you, his gaze lingering on your slick, glistening folds.

"So wet for me already," he rasps, his fingers parting your folds, teasing your entrance. "I knew you'd be tight, but this…this is unexpected."

He circles your clit with his thumb, sending shockwaves of pleasure coursing through you. You buck against his hand, desperate for more, but he holds you in place, his grip firm on your hips.

"Patience," he murmurs, his eyes locked on yours. "I'm going to take my time with you, savour every inch of your delicious body."

Price's words send a shiver down your spine, your core clenching with anticipation. He positions himself between your thighs, the heat of his body enveloping you. You reach for him, your hands sliding over his broad shoulders, down his muscular arms.

"Please," you whisper, your voice thick with need. "I want you inside me."

He smiles, a wicked gleam in his eye as he reaches down, gripping his hard length. He teases your entrance with the head of his cock, the contact sending sparks of pleasure racing through you. You moan, your hips lifting in a silent plea for more.

With a slow, deliberate thrust, he sinks into you, stretching you, filling you in a way you've never experienced before. You cry out, your nails digging into his back as he hilts himself inside you.

"Fuck," he groans, his head falling forward, resting against yours. "You feel incredible." He starts to move, his hips rocking against yours in a steady rhythm. Each thrust sends waves of pleasure coursing through you, your walls clenching around him, drawing him deeper. You meet his movements, your legs wrapping around his waist, urging him closer.

The room fills with the sound of skin against skin, the scent of sex mingling with the heady aroma of his cologne. He leans down, capturing your lips in a searing kiss as he drives into you, his pace quickening, his breath coming in harsh pants against your ear. "Come for me," he growls, his fingers finding your clit, rubbing in tight circles. "I want to feel you come undone around my cock."

His words, combined with the relentless pressure of his fingers and the delicious stretch of his length inside you, send you careening over the edge. You come with a cry, your walls clamping down around him, milking his length. He follows you, his hips stuttering as he spills himself inside you, his seed filling you, marking you as his. You cling to each other, your bodies trembling with the aftershocks of your shared release.

Tags: @liyanahelena @ghostslillady @juneonhoth @Simonssweetgirl @nellsbobells @coralwitchdreamland @nobodys-coffee @sae1kie @anonymuslydumb @goldenmclaren @moonsua1 @frazie99 @saoirse06 @alxexhearts @baldwinhearts @tiredmetalenthusiast @jinxxangel13 @strangepuppynightmare @enarien @luvecarson @ikohniik @strawberrychita @queen-ilmaree @Llelannie @Macnches2 @bbyfimmie @avidreadee123 @talooolaaloolla @skelletonwitch @bittermajesties @1234beeandpuppycat @sparky–bunny @honestlyhiswife @who-can-appease-me @ghostwifeyy @konigssultwithghost @pinkblossomsworld @kaoyamamegami @the_royal_bee @beansproutmafia @soapybutt17 @a-goose-with-a-knife @foxface013 @born4biriyani @thegreyjoyed @mychemichalimalance @marshiely @iruzias @sleepyycatt @noodlezz-bedo @trinthealternate @vampsquerade @azkza @VampyTheGoth

[m3l0nfl0at]

just say yes - t. kuroo

kuroo tetsurou x f!reader ; fake dating to lovers, trigger warning: family problems which leads to a lot of degrading, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, flirty!kuroo x obtuse!fem reader, happy ending, 2000’s romance-esque vibe, y/n used a handful of times, heavy amount of pet names, a LOT of build-up, reader is lowkey weird girl coded (aka me), 13.2k words

summary: upon receiving an invitation to your sister’s wedding you decide to ask kuroo for a favor to be your fake date for the event. but what happens when your feelings for your fake date suddenly become real?

melon’s recommended melody: just say yes playlist

“I need you to do me a huge favor. Hear me out first, okay?” Kenma faces you in his chair even though his eyes were on his game. You inhale deeply, “I need you to attend a wedding with me and before you start saying no, I’ll do anything you want for a whole month”. Even though you knew Kenma could pay someone to do anything he wanted for him, you needed him to realize how desperate you were for him to attend this wedding with you. 

 While you look over to Kenma you’re holding your breath, your roommate was never consistent so you know him saying no was always a fifty percent possibility. Waiting for an immediate shutdown you’re instead granted with Kenma saying “Ok, when is this said wedding?” You start celebrating all too quickly because just as you tell him the dates, you’re met with an immediate dreadful silence. “Sorry, I have several business meetings that week but I think you can ask Kuroo. He did say he had vacation due to the off-season.” A flush creeps across your cheeks as you think about asking Kuroo. Knowing he’ll just tease you relentlessly for even asking him to fake a relationship with you. Kenma groans in annoyance at his game, snapping you out of your dazed contemplation, Kenma’s met with your pinched yet flushed expression.

 “You know better than anyone that I cannot ask Kuroo, Ken. Not only would I be betraying Alisa, but he plays around too much. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells trying not to get teased by him.” You huff sitting down while Kenma looks over at you with narrowed eyes finally taking his full attention off his game. “Just tell Alisa it’s a dire situation, I think she’ll understand why you so desperately need someone to attend with. She knows you wouldn’t voluntarily pick Kuroo for anything, even if he was the last person on earth.” You sigh letting your shoulders hang low knowing Kenma was right. Even though Kuroo was a smug bastard, he was your best option to come out of this wedding in one piece.

 Alisa immediately lets you in her apartment, noticing how you kept pacing around uneasily in the hall. Gaining the courage, you finally tell her your original plan to ask Kenma to come with you to your sister’s wedding until that ship sank quickly leaving you to a last resort. “So, you’re going to ask Kuroo to be your fake date because of your iffy relationship with your parents?” You quickly nod, lying flatly across Alisa’s bed. Looking up to see her supporting a sad sympathetic smile before she quickly follows up. “You know, I’m not his girlfriend right? You don’t need to ask me for permission to ask him out for pretend purposes. Besides, it's not like you have feelings for the guy.” 

 Pouting, you let out an elongated sigh conflicted because your gut was telling you instinctively, something didn’t feel right. “I know he’s not your boyfriend, not yet at least. Nonetheless knowing you like him it just feels icky not asking for permission. Plus, I don’t want to overstep any boundaries you may have. Or even worse, have you think I have any ulterior motives with him.” Alisa chuckles knowing that a major weight has now just been lifted off of your chest. Suddenly she pulls you into a bone-crushing hug, you both take a minute to bask in the comfortable silence until Alisa decides to break it.

 “I’m glad to have such a considerate friend like you, you don’t find too many people like that anymore.” 

You pick yourself up only to be mentally weighted down again, as a realization clicks that you’ve only solved half of your problem. Even though you got Alisa’s approval, you still hadn’t asked Kuroo, knowing he’ll be harder to persuade than Alisa. Massaging your temples you tell yourself to stop overthinking, for once giving Kuroo the benefit of the doubt. “Lis, how am I going to face Kuroo while I’m desperately begging for his help? He’s just going to ridicule me.” Alisa chuckles just as you start sulking for what feels like the tenth time today, picturing Kuroo’s annoyingly wide smirk.

 “Just ask him nicely like I do, he’s always super sweet to me. Doesn’t hurt to try?” You glance over at Alisa whose face is flushed all over while you make gagging noises. “Please stop, of course he’s going to be nice to you Lis, you’re an angel. For me, he just turns into a pestering tease who won’t give me a break. He can’t even have a normal conversation with me without poking fun.”Getting up you send Alisa a finger salute, taking off to go ask her rooster boyfriend to accompany you for the upcoming event. She then flashes you two thumbs up, sending you off in a nervous state. 

 Standing in front of Kuroo’s door with your head in your hands wondering what you’ll say to convince him to do this fake dating scheme. Fidgeting with your fingers, you finally look up to his door hesitatingly knocking twice, shocked to hear the chaotic rustling footsteps on the other side. Kuroo answers wearing a black fitted tank with some sweatpants signaling he just got home from the gym. As he leans on the doorframe, you suddenly take notice of his muscular build and just as you start to open your mouth to speak, nothing comes out. He notices you staring but decides to fill the silence feigning obliviousness. “Did Kenma forget something at my apartment again? No, I swore he came yesterday to get his Switch charger.” 

 You take a deep breath and close your eyes as you slowly start to whisper. “No, I actually came to talk to you. I need your help with something really important.” Kuroo lifts his brow and suddenly leans closer sporting his Gengar-like smirk. “I’m sorry but I actually can’t hear you, can you speak up sweetheart?” Your nose scrunches in disgust and suddenly you realize who you’re talking to. Not your roommate’s good-looking best friend but Alisa’s brash crush. Snapping out of whatever daze he had you in, you lean into him mimicking his stature feigning confidence. “I need you to be my date to my sister’s wedding next weekend. As a fake date of course…nothing real.” He takes notice of how you rush over your words and refuse to make eye contact with him but decides not to verbalize it, could be better blackmail material later he thinks to himself. 

 Kuroo leans on his door frame with an amused smile crossing his arms over his chest before puffing it to let out a chuckle. “Ok. I’ll do it.” You look at him with wide eyes shocked that he agreed so easily, shock soon turning into suspicion. “Why did you agree so easily, what do you get from this? Did Kenma pay you?” You step back raising an eyebrow only for Kuroo to lean towards you while pouting. He then reaches to take your hand holding it with sincerity. “Do you think that poorly of me sweetheart? I would never pass up an opportunity to date you, real or not.” He stares at you menacingly before you take your hand back to punch his shoulder. Making way into his apartment to land harshly on his couch, still wondering if he’s taking this seriously.

 “Ok for real, Kuroo will you help me or not?” He places a hand over his heart exaggeratedly taking a seat next to you. “I already said I would, what more do I have to do to let you know I have no hidden intentions?” You look at him straight on with narrowed eyes before muttering jokingly “I will never fully trust you, even if my life depended on it. Has anyone ever told you that you have the aura of a conman?” Kuroo looks at you as if he just faced the biggest heartbreak, dramatically placing a hand over his heart. “You know I have heard that before but coming from you sweetheart, that feels like a direct hit.”You roll your eyes knowing Kuroo is always one for dramatics. You start contemplating how this is actually going to work since Kuroo and Alisa both agreed. “What’s going on in your head princess?”Kuroo follows up by scooting closer to you and tapping his finger against your temple. “Tomorrow, meet me at the cafe down the street from Ken and I’s apartment. We can go over the plan and most importantly boundaries.” you say as you scoot back from Kuroo only to be met with the arm of his couch. 

 Letting out all the tension in your body, you allow yourself to relax while walking back to your apartment. Filled with relief that you found someone to willingly help you get your mother off your back. Especially since that someone was as picture perfect as Kuroo was, he was the trophy boyfriend that every parent would want you to bring home. Kuroo was smart, athletic, determined, and very charming. You cross your arms snickering loudly, wait till your mother gets ahold of him, that’ll finally put an end to her constant nagging. 

 Entering your shared apartment you notice Kenma chatting with someone on the phone, tiptoeing to try and ignore Kenma from addressing the elephant in the room. “Hey, get back here. You can’t just ignore me! Tell me, what did Kuroo say?” Staring down at your feet in embarrassment you head over to Kenma who’s still on the phone. “He said yes right away, no questions asked.” Kenma wrinkles his brows “Then why do you look so…tense?”. You try avoiding eye contact with Kenma hoping that he would drop the conversation but Kenma was known to never give up. “I didn’t want to make it awkward, I just asked your best friend to fake date me for a weekend. You don’t find that weird at all? Plus, Kuroo seemed way too desperate for my liking, it freaked me out.”

 It wasn’t till you were done with your ramblings that you heard a boisterous laugh on the phone, automatically knowing whom it belonged to. “Kenma! Were you really on the phone with him this whole time? You twerp! It’s even more awkward now!” Kuroo continues laughing as your hands cover your hot face. “Princess, did you really just call me desperate when you were the one eyeing me as soon as I opened the door?” Kenma notices the flush intensify across your face but before he can say anything you interject. Stating that you were heading to your room not wishing to engage in any more of their pointless conversation.

Awakened by a blaring ringtone you answer even looking at your phone, only to be met with instant regret. “You’re going to the wedding right? Your sister expects you to be there, she said she was even making you a bridesmaid? You understand how big of a responsibility that is, especially at such a last minute-“ Your mother continues talking but your mind instantly shuts her out. Knowing you should be listening but not having the energy to put up with her this early in the morning. “Mom, look it’s early and I just woke up so do you think you could give me a minute before you start being belligerent with me.” 

 You hear your mother huff on the other side as if she just heard the most offensive comment ever made towards her. Unconsciously rolling your eyes as you answer her first couple of questions. “One, yes I’m going, I don’t intend to miss my sister’s big day. Two, I already gave her all the information to help her with the sizing for my bridesmaid dress.” you let out a big sigh “Did you have any other questions mom?”. Your mother smacks her lips, “No, but how come you talk to your sister and not me? Even on the family group chat you don’t talk? Are you being lazy these days, do you have nothing interesting to report on? I want to hear how you’re doing and you treat me like I'm not important, do you want a new mom?” 

 You get up from your bed holding the phone up to your cheek before you start pacing around the room. “Your sister told me you were bringing a plus one? Is that correct? Didn’t know you had it in you to get a boyfriend, especially after all these years. I mean your sister is already getting married and you’re barely getting into a relationship? Don’t you find that a bit odd?” She chuckles condescendingly while you start picking at your cuticles walking to the kitchen. “Well mother, as much as I would love to continue this interesting conversation, I actually have a meeting to attend so I’ll let you go. I’ll see you at the wedding.” 

 Your mom agrees before hanging up finally putting you out of your misery. You place your phone on the counter as you start rubbing your temples not noticing Kenma enter the kitchen. “Who was that? Is Kuroo bothering you already?” you chuckle at Kenma’s remark, as much as you didn’t like Kuroo’s endless teasing you sure wish it was him on the phone instead of your mother. 

 “No, it was actually my mother but it’s over now. That’s all that matters, she got her monthly call so lets hope she doesn’t call again. Now that you reminded me, I do have to text Kuroo, just to make sure he can make it today. Wish me luck with that.” You exit the kitchen not wanting to socialize right now, due to your mother draining your mental battery. Deciding that you should start getting ready to head out to meet with Kuroo.    

 Texting Kuroo you found that he was already on the way to the cafe just as you had finished getting ready. As you’re on your way to the cafe you feel drained due to never really regenerating mental stamina from your phone call with your mother. Walking on auto-pilot mode, you start thinking about how to approach this meeting with Kuroo without pushing your problems on him. Entering the cafe you see Kuroo tucked away in the corner, sitting in a cozy brown booth. As the scent of coffee hits your senses, you feel it replenishing your fatigue. 

 “Hey, I hope you don’t mind but I already paid for your drink. Don’t worry I made sure to ask Kenma for your cafe order.”. Maybe this meeting wouldn’t be as hard as you thought it would be. You start placing your bag in the booth to sit while Kuroo rests his head on his palm, “Are you okay? Not to be rude but you look like you had a rough morning. Usually when you see me you have this flush on your face and start to stutter nervously.”. He smirks but you stop him before he could go any farther “Thank you Kuroo for the treat but please just don’t do this”, you gesture at him, “today.” Then placing your head down on the table dissociating, feeling remorseful for snapping at him. 

 Kuroo tilts his head drawing his eyebrows together, knowing something serious must’ve happened for you to be this irritated. He then lifts a hand onto the table to catch your attention “I apologize, don’t feel guilty for telling me your limits. For today, I’ll set aside all my teasing. But seriously, are you okay princess? Talk to me, what happened? If you don’t want to talk about it then that’s fine too.”. He then reaches for his drink waiting patiently for you to speak. 

 Giving into the silence, you decide that bottling your feelings isn’t healthy for your friendship or  for you guys’ new found fake relationship. “I had a phone call today with my mother and let’s just say I’m glad you agreed to come with me because I don’t think I could’ve done this alone. Throughout the call she just kept talking about how my sister is living a great life while I’m barely getting mine started.” you didn’t notice it but you started picking at your cuticles again, Kuroo did notice. Placing his hand on top of yours as both of your eyes lock on eachother “I’m guessing that’s the reason you asked me to attend this wedding?” He lifts an eyebrow hoping to get a verbal answer from you but instead gets a nod.

 “Well then that’s why I’m here with you, you’re not facing her alone. I don’t know if this’ll make you feel any better but you guys just have different definitions of life goals. She thinks a major life goal is getting married, while you think otherwise, it’s not your fault she’s stuck in her own ideals and is trying to push them onto you. You’re a grown woman, she can love you as her daughter but I think you’re grown up enough to make your own standard bunny”. You start laughing, brushing off the ridiculous nickname and focusing on how he makes perfect sense of your mother’s logic without even having to meet her. Sneaking a quick glance at you, Kuroo mentions how he also had family problems with his parents as a child. “My family problems lead me to meeting Kenma, who is now my best friend. So, who knows what yours will do for you?” Kuroo nudges you with his elbow and you suddenly think inviting Kuroo to come with you wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

 After you and Kuroo’s chat about your mother, you decided going forth it wouldn’t be good for you to withhold your family problems from Kuroo, especially since he is going to experience your parents behavior firsthand. Still sitting in the cafe, you both collaborate to come up with ideas on how you guys both first met. “As much as I would love to tell my parents how we actually met, I’d rather come up with something more romantic.” you spoke sarcastically knowing how you and Kuroo originally met was an embarrassment. Kuroo laughs recalling the first time you actually met wanting to tease you but deciding not to pester you after the morning you’ve been having, “Well, if we make it too romantic it won’t be believable. How about we say we met through Kenma on a blind date and we hit it off after I saw how enchanting you were.”. 

 You roll your eyes, “You do know no one is here, right? You don’t have to add all the compliments yet, who are you trying to impress?”. Kuroo rolls his eyes playful, knowing how obtuse you are. He decides to move forward with the conversation and express his opinion on the situation. “I think it’s simple and effective. No one needs to hear that our eyes met and we instantly loved each other. If it's too romanticized then people won’t believe us or even worse, we won’t remember it.” Locking eyes with Kuroo you realize he is being unrealistically rational today, “Who are you and what did you do with Kuroo?” you raise a brow at him. He chuckles looking down at his hands bashfully before locking hands with yours to fully get his message across. “I don’t want to bother you with being playful, especially with the morning your mother gave you. I want you to know I'm taking this role seriously, no matter what happens on this trip, I’ll always be by your side.”.

 He then squeezes your hand letting you know his sincere remark wasn’t him joking around. “We should probably start leaving soon but can we meet again in say two days? You know, start picking up couple mannerisms and go over what feels right and what doesn’t? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable while trying to impress your family.” You agree with Kuroo knowing you won’t get comfortable with physical affection so quickly, “Sounds good, in two days we can meet at your apartment to practice mannerisms. Since I’d rather not give Kenma two front row seats to embarrass myself the show.” You and Kuroo laugh before exchanging glances while he smiles at you. “I’ll see you soon bunny, text me when you make it home.” Kuroo starts picking up both of your belongings before handing you your bag, so you can both start heading your separate ways. You looked back at Kuroo walking away, feeling better about your day. What you didn’t see was him looking back at you two times, it’s safe to say you both left the cafe with a new sense of realization that day.

Two days, it took you two days to come to terms with being physically affectionate to someone that wasn’t your sister or Alisa. The whole train ride to Kuroo’s apartment you wondered if you could just stay on the train until you ended up back home. As if Kuroo had a sixth sense, he soon texted asking if you guys were still on for later today? Your last meeting you both decided on being truthful and who were you to break that promise so early? Responding back to him you say how you’re nervous for today and that physical affection doesn’t really come easy to you. After you hit send you reminisce about how your father used to force you to hug him after every argument you guys had. Snapping out of your thoughts you see Kuroo responding not even a second later, “That’s okay. We don’t have to do it all in one go. We can take small steps or you can verbalize what you’re comfortable with and we can practice later. Remember, we’re in this together! :)”. 

 Relief washes over you as you once again realize that Kuroo might be a tease but he’s also a respectable person. Heading off the train and walking to Kuroo’s apartment, deciding to take the elevator up. A wave of nostalgia hits you, realizing last time you were here you asked him to be your fake date. The wave of nostalgia turns sour as you start to feel nervous again, you decide to calm yourself by doing some breathing exercises all the way to Kuroo’s door. As soon as you are met with Kuroo he stares at you grimacing, “Did you take the stairs, why are you breathing so heavily? You know there’s an elevator right?” You stop your breathing, “I didn’t take the stairs! I’m doing breathing exercises, you jerk. I’m sorry not all of us can be the cocky and confident Kuroo.” 

 Striding into his apartment as you both sit down on the couch. Kuroo being the first to break the awkward silence, “Well, did you think about what you were comfortable with trying on the train? I was thinking the most we would have to do is maybe holding hands and hugging. If anyone asks us about anything else we can just say we’re not big on PDA, it’s not like we have to explain ourselves anyway. I don’t want you to push your limits considering your mother is going to be draining your social battery. Does that make sense? Did it sound okay, you’re looking at me weirdly?” As you heard Kuroo carefully explain how he never wanted to push your boundaries or make you feel subjected to PDA, for once in your life you felt understood. Getting up from your side of the couch you inch closer to him before opening your arms awkwardly. Kuroo then wrapped his arms around you slowly, afraid you’ll pull away. Hugging Kuroo felt different from any other hugs you’ve experienced. 

 Your father’s hugs always felt coerced and demoralizing, you never thought hugging someone could feel so homely and natural. Still hugging Kuroo you decide to tell him the truth, “I never liked hugging, it always felt like a burden. My mom treated it as a chore, making me greet our family even though I hated them and even my father making me hug him after our terrible arguments. Anyway, hearing you talk right now about not wanting to push me into anything made me feel weirdly understood. Thank you Kuroo.” Kuroo smiles into your hair as he lets go of a breath he didn’t realize he was holding in, “You shouldn’t have to thank me for understanding boundaries but since you never thank me, I’ll take it.”

 Tapping his shoulder, Kuroo realizes the moment is over for you but his heart still feels aflutter. “You’re right though, I shouldn’t have to explain myself to people. These are our boundaries and they need to respect them!”, you puff out your chest proudly before realizing you never answered him. “Oh and to answer your question, I’m fine with you hugging me and us holding hands. Nothing beyond that please.” Kuroo nods still freaking out over your shared moment before diverting your attention somewhere else. 

 “That reminds me, a suit should be fine to wear right? Since you haven’t really said anything about the theme of the wedding, I kind of just assumed. If not then we might need to go shopping.” Embarrassed, realizing you never really told Kuroo about the details of the wedding. “Sorry, Kuroo I didn’t realize! A black suit should be fine, I mean black will go with my bridesmaids dress-“ he cuts you off “Wait, you’re a bridesmaid? You really are worried about your parents if you’re forgetting key details. Well, I’ll make sure to look my best for my bridesmaid.” You side eye him, knowing he’s partially right. You’re placing more value on getting this interaction with your parents finished than actually paying attention to your sister’s big day. “We should both start packing for the weekend, it’s about a couple hours away so make sure to get some rest so you don’t fall asleep on the road. I’ll see you in a couple of days Kuroo.” You start heading for the door but just as you’re about to reach for the knob Kuroo beats you to it and opens the door for you. “Would it be weird if I asked for a hug before you leave?” You side eye him, “Don’t push your luck Tetsu.”. “Alright, I’ll see you later sweetheart! Text me if you need anything.” 

    The days leading up to the wedding passed quickly, as if time wasn’t on your side. The morning Kuroo and you had to leave you felt exhausted, mentally and physically. You couldn’t sleep due to the ticking time bomb that was your sister’s wedding, usually you would have texted Kuroo your concerns but didn’t want to wake him since he was the designated driver. The next morning packed and ready to go, you receive a text from Kuroo that he’s downstairs before heading out. Deciding to say goodbye to your roommate, you gently tap on Kenma’s door, walking in to see him at his desk. “Kenma I’m leaving…unfortunately. I’ll see you Monday, call me if you need anything!”Kenma nods and just as you start walking away he decides to say “Oh (Y/N), make sure not to fall in love with Kuroo, okay?” You freeze and start nervously chuckling. 

 Brushing off Kenma’s comment to walk down to your ride, you realize the nervousness washes away as you see Kuroo opening his trunk for your luggage. You knew that as long as you had Kuroo with you, you’d be fine for the weekend. “Here, I opened the trunk for you but please be careful with my suit. Oh and I have something for you when we get in the car.” Placing your bag and dress in the trunk, you then start to get in the passenger's seat waiting to see what Kuroo got you. “So, yesterday I realized we had to raise the stakes a bit to make this more believable, so I bought you this.” He pulls out an ornate necklace that has a letter K on it, showing you proudly with a wide smile. “Kuroo, where did you get this? Oh my god, I’m going to be sick, this is too much for me to accept. Why did you buy this for just a weekend? Are you crazy?”.

 Kuroo cuts off your ramblings by placing a hand on yours, “You’re a bridesmaid, everyone’s going to be looking at you. I wanted to show them you’re mine, even if it’s for the weekend. Plus now it’ll be more realistic, if anyone asks we can say it was an anniversary present. Now, let's not puke in my car over a gift, if it makes you feel better I kept the receipt so when this is over I can return it okay?” You nod feeling relieved before turning around so he could put it on you. What you didn’t know was that the receipt was thrown in the trash long ago, nowhere to be found. As you turn around to show the necklace to Kuroo, you notice his flushed appearance before he’s asking permission to touch the necklace lying flatly on your neck. You agree, he carefully touches the K charm as you notice him staring at the necklace then glancing back up to you, making sure your eyes lock on each other for a moment. “Beautiful.” he speaks for a moment, suddenly clearing his throat looking away to face forward, “it’s beautiful.” you feel your face heating up but decide to look at the road to distract your mind.

 “Thank you Kuroo.” he flaps his hand, “It’s nothing princess.”, you scoff. “No really Kuroo, thank you. For the necklace, the past week, and for coming with me. Today when I came down to meet you I didn’t feel nervous at all, I think your presence makes me feel at ease and like I can face anything.” Kuroo takes a quick look at you to see you looking down with a flushed face before interlocking you guys’ hands together “That’s what I’m here for bunny. Now lay back, don’t think I didn’t see how exhausted you looked coming down. It’s going to be a long drive anyway.” You squeeze his hand before looking in his direction to send him a drowsy smile, dozing off.

Kuroo shakes you awake to tell you that you guys made it to the hotel successfully, you start to unbuckle yourself before Kuroo stops you. “Hey, before we get off I just want to say one thing,” he grabs your face with both of his hands “you better not forget that I’m here for you and only you. If at any time it gets too much let me know. Remember no hiding feelings.” You take his hands in yours to pull them off your face before nodding your head and getting out of Kuroo’s car. Kuroo takes that as a sign that your mental battery is already draining, opening the trunk letting you both grab your luggages. “Let me do all the talking at the hotel, you can stay by me just in case you run into your family.” Kuroo successfully gets checked in and you successfully watch him do that without encountering any of your family members. 

 As you both head up to your hotel room Kuroo notices you rubbing your eyes, “You still tired sweetheart? When we get to our room you can lay down, dinner isn’t till later anyway.”, you nod in agreement as you both walk towards your room. However entering the hotel room you felt like someone poured a bucket of ice cold water on you, immediately waking you up. Facing a singular king bed in the middle of the room,“Okay, well safe to say I’ll be taking the floor and you can take the bed princess. I’ll go ask the receptionist for another blanket, just lay down while I go run this trip real quick.”. Even though Kuroo told you to lay down you couldn’t help but feel guilt eating away at you, first you drag him to come to your family event, then you made him drive, and now you’re forcing him to sleep on the floor? 

 As you’re mentally debating with yourself, Kuroo soon enters the room to be met with you sitting down on the bed wide awake in a daze, “You don’t feel tired anymore bunny? Don’t tell me you want to switch because I’ll happily take the bed.”. Before you could speak Kuroo then abruptly jumped on the bed next to you smirking “ Kuroo! I was about to say I feel bad for you but you know what sleep on the floor.” You lay down turning over but Kuroo lays his head on your shoulder looking over at you pleadingly. You quickly look away, “Anyways before you rudely interrupted me, I was actually thinking that we could sleep together…on the same bed with some space.”. Kuroo smiles “Okay sweetheart, I’ll put the pillows in between us so that way you’re not uncomfortable.” Kuroo lifts himself off you to then start placing pillows in between you guys, “There you go, pillows placed and now I’ll set the alarm clock to 5:00 pm, so that way we’ll have time to get ready. Now, let’s sleep together on the same bed with some space!” Kuroo laughs, knowing he’s poking fun at you, you turn around huffing, deciding to ignore him and attempt to sleep before dinner. 

 Thirty minutes pass by and you hear Kuroo snoring, deciding that you aren't going to fall asleep anytime soon, you get up from the bed deciding to kill time by texting Kenma and Alisa. Only for you to realize that you left your phone in Kuroo’s car, getting up to retrieve Kuroo’s keys you start heading down. However, it seemed like the world was against you because as soon as you step off the elevator you’re met with your father talking to the hotel receptionist while your mother looks around. As you start to walk the opposite way, you hear none other than your mother’s shrill voice. “Honey, don’t be rude, say hi to us.” you lift your hand to wave but still stay silent “Well, where’s this plus one you were talking about with your sister? Wait, let me guess he canceled at the last minute or he couldn’t make it due to a cold?” You dig your nails into your palms “No mom, he is actually sleeping right now. I just came down to get my phone from his car.” Your mother looks you up and down suspiciously before your father interrupts her. “How forgetful of you, I thought I taught you better. First not properly greeting us and now forgetting your phone in your boy friends car?”. You cut him off before he could talk anymore about Kuroo, “No need for the space father, he’s my boyfriend.” 

 Both look at you stunned with your sudden imprudence, “Let’s hope this “boyfriend” of yours is very retentive seeing he’ll need to make up for your lack of memory. Nonetheless, I’ll let you get to it, be safe dear. We’ll see you at dinner.” Wasting no time to say any closing remarks you head off to your original destination, Kuroo’s car. As soon as you open the passengers side you see the phone that caused you so much trouble to retrieve. You pick it up and start heading back to the room not even caring about what you originally intended to do with it. As you open the door to your room, you make sure to close the door as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake Kuroo before moving to carefully sit onto the bed and find safety in your room. As you're slouchy sitting down, you realize you felt more exhausted than ever due to the overwhelming amount of thoughts in your head after your interaction with your mother, “What happened?”, Kuroo’s hoarse sleep-voice pauses every thought playing in your head. “I went down to your car to get my phone.” “Alone?” you nod your head slowly. “I don’t need you to say anything. I already paid for the consequences…I ran into my parents in the lobby and both think I’m making you up. Not only do they think that I’m incapable but they also think I'm aloof because I “forgot” to say hi to them properly.” 

 You know Kuroo is listening due to the lack of snoring but you can’t see him so you start picking up the pillow border to move them out of the way. As soon as you lift the final pillow you’re met with Kuroo’s face being scrunched due to intense concentration. “Kuroo, can you…”, his face softens. While you hesitate knowing that this is new territory you have yet to cross, “Can you hug me, even it’s just for a while.”. After you finish your sentence you look up to see Kuroo opening his arms up to you, you make your way up to Kuroo before seeking comfort in his warmth. Realizing you just needed him in this moment for nothing else around you to matter. Kuroo kisses the top of your head “Don’t worry sweetheart, we’ll show them at dinner just how real I am to make them regret their words.”

  Recharging your social battery by cuddling Kuroo was not something you expected to happen today but you guess desperate times call for desperate measures. After preparing to be a fake couple with Kuroo, it was now time to make it a convincing reality. At the start of the two weeks you would have thought it to be a challenge, getting along with Kuroo. Now walking hand in hand with him to the rehearsal dinner, you scoff at your past self. The instant you walk into the rehearsal dinner, you’re met with lingering gazes on you and Kuroo which is to be expected. I mean you really weren’t typically known for being in a relationship, especially with someone like Kuroo. Kuroo squeezes your hand before leaning down to whisper in your ear, “Remember we’re in this together.”. He then guides you to your seats, which are right next to your sister and her fiancé. 

Getting closer to your sister you feel alleviated knowing she wouldn’t pester you or bother Kuroo with offhanded questions like your parents likely would. “Hey little sis, long time no see.” your sister suddenly pulls you into a hug before pulling back and looking behind you, “Who is this little sis? He’s very handsome, I taught you well!For a moment I thought your plus one was going to be Kenma!”. Laughing along with her quietly you quickly feel Kuroo pull your arm softly, “This is Kuroo, he’s my boyfriend.” your hands suddenly feel clammy introducing Kuroo as your boyfriend but the moment  you shared soon turned sour. “Pinch me, I’m dreaming,” a harsh voice interrupts, “did I just hear her say boyfriend? My daughter finally has a boyfriend after all these years!”. Even though some might mistake your mothers tone of voice as excitement, you knew all too well she meant it backhandedly. 

 Kuroo locks your hands together again “I never get sick of hearing that come from her. She always gets so flustered, it’s adorable. Don’t you think so?” He looks over at you after speaking before pulling your hand up to his lips placing a quick kiss to the back of your hand, “I heard from my love here that you guys met earlier in the hotel? I apologize for my absence. I had been driving all morning, you know how tiring that is.” Kuroo says as your parents turn wide eyed knowing you told Kuroo about your bump in. Your sister interrupts to quickly greet your parents so she can leave to go greet her other guests, leaving an awkward silence. Your father stares at you and Kuroo before raising a brow in Kuroo’s direction, “Well Mr. Kuroo, since we didn’t have the pleasure of meeting this afternoon, care to tell me more about how you met my daughter?” Kuroo chuckles before you cut him off “Dad, let’s not do this right now please. It’s not my day, it’s my sisters.”, knowing he’ll take this as an opportunity to ask belligerent questions.

 Unfortunately your discomfort doesn’t stop his persistence. “Well, I’m just asking? Can't your father be a little curious about who his little girl is dating?” Kuroo rubs his thumb over your hand “She’s reserved, you know? Nothing bad about that, we don’t feel the need to flaunt our relationship. I will tell you this though, I remember when we first met like it was yesterday. My first impressions of her was that she was such a kind and vibrant soul.”. Kuroo gets interrupted by your father, “Yes, she gets her kindness from me, I’m so glad to have raised such a kind girl.”, you roll your eyes at your father,  knowing the facade he’s putting on for Kuroo. “When we met she had just moved in with Kenma, of course he needed help with moving boxes due to how much streaming equipment he has. Being the caring person she is, she decided to volunteer to help us. Even though Kenma and I could’ve done it ourselves, she’s persistent.” 

 Realizing he’s not sticking to the plan, he’s telling the story of how you guys actually met. “At the time, I didn’t know her but thought she was sweet because Kenma mentioned her to me a handful of times saying that she always helped him with technical issues and streaming ideas. However, as soon as we started moving boxes she and I both had accidently reached for the same box bumping our heads together. She was so red that you would think it was permanent and I couldn’t help but think how adorable she looked blushing violently. When she stood up, she stood so quickly that she ended up tumbling over more boxes behind her.”. Now Kuroo laughs, recalling how strangely captivating you were that day to him. However, for once it didn’t feel like he was laughing at you, which most people tend to do. “To this day, if you ask her how we met she’ll decline telling you. She thinks it’s embarrassing but if you were to ask me I would say that day she stumbled her way wholly into my heart.” Kuroo looks over to you still rubbing your hand, before you lean onto his shoulder smiling, you’re so going to kill him later. 

 Your mother coughs, “Isn’t that adorable? Speaking of Kenma, where is he honey? No offense to Mr. Kuroo here but I thought you’d be with him. You know, spread some generational wealth to our family like your sister.” Kuroo feels you freeze. “What does Kuroo here even do? If you don't mind me asking?” your father asks before staring at Kuroo, his eyes widen at your fathers thoughtless remarks. Even though you’d allow your parents to walk all over you, you would never let them do that to Kuroo. “Does it matter what his profession is, dad? He makes me happy and that’s all that should matter to you. You know, I’ve put up with you for a long time demeaning me but I will not let you sit here and demean my boyfriend. Now, if you excuse me, I’m going to go head to the ladies room.” 

 Just as you get to the hallway, you feel someone grab your hand, only to be met with your father. “I’m sorry if your mother and I offended you but you cannot act like this at your sister's dinner. It’s your sister's moment and you’re acting like a brat, I raised you better than that.” You look at your father in disbelief, feeling anger blooming within your chest, wanting to lash out and create a scene but not wanting to give him the satisfaction. “Excuse me, I need a moment to speak with my girlfriend please.” You and your father look to see Kuroo behind you guys, “If I were you, I’d talk some real sense into her. She should be ashamed of herself, creating such a spectacle at her own sister’s rehearsal dinner. Now you understand why she’s been single for so long, acting like a little girl.” Kuroo blocks out what your father is saying to see you clenching your fists so hard that your hands are losing color, looking up at your glossy eyes to see them devoid of any life and replaced with dullness. 

 “I’ve heard enough, sir. Give us a moment.” Kuroo snaps at your father making him leave swiftly as he glances back at you scoffing in disappointment. As soon as he leaves Kuroo gives you the keys to his car, telling you to go while he explains to your sister that you’ll both be leaving for the night. While handing you his keys he sees the nail marks imprinted harshly on your palms making note to care for those later. “Tell my sister I’m so sorry, please.” Kuroo angled his head downward to see you holding the keys tightly while trying not to cry, expressing your apologies to your sister. “I’ll let her know bunny, now go quickly.” Kuroo walked you to the door so that way you had no chance running into your parents, making sure that what just happened never happens again.

 “Hey, what’s up Kuroo? Did something happen?” Kuroo sends your sister a sympathetic smile. “Your sister and I are leaving a little early tonight. She’s not feeling too well but she sends her deepest regards.” Your sister sends Kuroo a knowing look, “Tell her that I'm not mad at her. I know our parents can be…crazy and that’s putting it lightly, if she needed to get away that’s fine. Actually, thank you for being with her tonight, Kuroo. Now, I think she needs you more than ever.” Your sister then waves off Kuroo. Heading to you, he sees you in the car messing with your hands guiltily. “She wasn’t upset with you bunny. She empathized with you, saying she knew how your parents could be.” That helped you breathe clearer, lifting some heavy weight off your chest, feeling safe and sound in this moment with Kuroo.

 Entering your hotel room, Kuroo takes your hand in his and guides you to sit down on the bed. Giving you some much needed space, shortly leaving the room to change. Alone with your thoughts, you think how bad things would be if Kuroo wasn’t here. Yet him getting belittled because he was associated with you was where you drew the line. How much farther could your parents go before Kuroo’s mental state starts slowly chipping away too. Cursing yourself for even letting your parents get a rise out of you infront of Kuroo, body heavy with disappointment. Now feeling embarrassment crash over you, wanting nothing more to shed the skin of your actions today and get out of this tight dress. You go to grab a wire hanger hoping that you could take off this dress the same way you put it on. 

 Kuroo walks out of the bathroom dressed in his pajamas to see you fishing the zipper on your dress with a hanger, “Sweetheart? You know you could’ve just asked me to unzip it for you right?”, you turn around stumbling back. “Kuroo, you scared the crap out of me! Don’t do that again.”, you place a hand on your chest before turning back around, “Then can you just unzip it for me please?”. Kuroo’s eyes bulge out of his head, shaking his head wanting to clear his thoughts, “Sure, don’t have to ask me twice princess.”. As Kuroo closely approaches, you start moving your hair to your left shoulder, Kuroo successfully unzips your dress then proceeds to press a light kiss to your shoulder. “I’m sorry about today sweetheart, I should’ve gone after you but your father beat me to it. To be honest with you, their words kind of shocked me.”. 

 He hugs you from behind, laying his head on your shoulder, his hands softly placed on your waist, “I never once felt insecure about my job but hearing them bring it up like I was some peasant not worthy of you, made me question myself…I thought if this is how I feel from one comment, then you must feel awful dealing with this your whole life. I’m so sorry bunny.” Listening to Kuroo you couldn’t help but feel emotional, knowing how emotionally burnt out you are just from one day with them. Kuroo sensed something was off as soon as he saw your shoulders sag, “Princess? Are you okay?”. Deciding to swallow your pride you turn to face Kuroo. Crying blurred some of your vision but the look of concern on his face still came through for you. Feeling undeserving of any kind of empathy, “Kuroo, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you here, I didn’t know they would go this far. It’s all my fault for dragging you into this.” 

 Kuroo grabs your hands while stepping back shocked to see your weeping face, “My love…no, it’s not your fault! If I didn’t come and heard you over Kenma’s phone crying I wouldn’t have known what to do with myself. I would’ve drove all the way over here just to come get you bunny. Even if you didn’t want to come with me. I would’ve thrown you over my shoulder and forced you back home.” You weakly laugh picturing Kuroo angrily driving for two hours just to come get you. He turns over your palms to see the indents of your nails still there as he caresses the marks, “Go get changed princess, you had a long day.”. Agreeing, you head to the bathroom before changing and getting rid of every bad memory that happened today. When you return you’re met with Kuroo on the phone speaking to someone, laying down next to him on your shared bed just to decompress. “Yeah, thanks for your help. I’ll tell her to call you tomorrow. Bye Kenma.” You look over at Kuroo, “What were you guys talking about?” Kuroo pulls you into his chest. 

 “Nothing, just asking him for some advice.” He starts pulling your palms up to his lips before giving them soft kisses, you pull back scrunching in disgust, “Don’t, my palms are going to be all clammy.”. He grins, grabbing you to tightly hug, “You’re very strong for enduring that your whole life, my strong bunny.” he pets your head. “Tomorrow will be better, I promise. Let’s go to sleep, we have a long day ahead of us.”

You woke up lying next to Kuroo the following day, seeing the sunlight peek through the blinds behind him. Illuminating him beautifully, you run your hands across his face softly. “Good morning princess.” You stop your hand after seeing Kuroo stare at you, “Morning, Tetsu.”. Truth be told, Kuroo was awake before you but didn’t want to get up, longing in the feeling that was waking up next to you. You get up and stretch, making sure to tell Kuroo your busy schedule today. “Let’s go drop you off, my beautiful bridesmaid.”, you roll your eyes at his remark. Starting to head off to the venue to meet with your sister and her other bridesmaids.               

 “Text me if you need anything, I’ll let you know when I'm heading over here, okay?” Kuroo looks at you one more time as if this is the last time he’s going to see you. “I’ll be away from you for only a couple of hours, drama queen.” Before getting off you peck Kuroo on the cheek and head into the venue. It wasn’t till you got into the venue you realized the severity of your actions, embarrassed but immediately receiving a text from Kuroo. “Goodbye to you too sweetheart x”

 Spending the first half of your day getting dolled up to be in your sister’s wedding was chaotic. When Kuroo texted you he was on his way to the venue you knew it was almost showtime. “You look beautiful. I’m so happy for you.” You look behind you to see your sister, “I could say the same thing to you, it’s the fairytale wedding you’ve always dreamed for. It’s your big day.”. You both hug before being interrupted by the photographers letting you know that it was time to take pictures. “Who knows maybe next time I’ll be the bridesmaid to you and Kuroo’s wedding.”, she playfully nudges you before heading to the photographer. “What!”

 As you’re taking pictures you see your mother, she calls you and your sister wanting to take a picture with you both. You make sure that you put on a good fake smile even though you didn’t forgive her or your father for yesterday. Wrapping up the pictures, your mother pulls you aside. “Well, look who it is? You know, your father and I were very upset that you left so rudely.”, realizing that you’ve done this for far too long you stand your ground. “Mother, I appreciate all you’ve done for me in my life but I’m not going to accept this anymore. First you verbally break me down but now you’re attempting to take down my boyfriend with me? How far are you willing to go before you realize this act is pathetic. After this wedding, you cut all contact with me. Unless it’s an emergency or you’d like to apologize for your behavior, don’t bother. Now, if you don’t mind I’m going to walk back in there and put on a smile like a mature woman, you should do that too. Not for me but for her.”. You point to your sister before walking back inside, only thinking of Kuroo yesterday telling you how strong you were. 

 Hearing the quartet start to play the music, you realized the time has come. Your sister is finally getting her big beautiful moment. Marching down the aisle you head over to the spot your sister assigned you looking around afterwards. Spotting Kuroo he smirks, shyly waving to you. You look down, trying to lessen your smiling afterwards looking right back up. Kuroo catches your attention again before you see him mouthing that you look breathtaking. At this moment everyone disappears and it’s just you and him, your heart speeds up. Lost in each other's gaze you hear the quartet stop signaling your sister's arrival, you look at her and can only think of how beautiful she looks but Kuroo’s gaze never left you. 

 At the very moment, your sister got down the aisle you couldn’t help but feel tears fill your eyes. The preacher starts his speech while you look over at Kuroo. “Love is patient, love is kind.” Kuroo’s smile reaches his eyes, you feel a flutter in your stomach. “It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” Keeping eye contact, your heart stops, the flutter in your stomach feels like it’s going feral, and your hands are clammy. Kuroo is the only person to have ever made you feel that way, safe and hopeful. Kuroo is the most kind individual you knew and was always patient with you, you feel your knees get weak. Do you like Kuroo?

  Your thoughts get cut off by everyone clapping at your sister and her fiance, you slowly start clapping, joining her other bridesmaids. Watching the newlywed couple start walking down together, people follow as you stay behind going crazy. You can’t like Kuroo but you still have to put on an act with him to shut your parents up. Kuroo and you being the only ones left in the venue he comes up to you taking your hand in his. “Shall we go to the reception my lady?”, Kuroo playfully bows in your direction. You chuckle before interlocking your arms together, “We shall.”.

 Arriving at the reception Kuroo feels that something with you is off, your eyes were always avoiding him and when he tries to hold your hand you flinch away. “Hey bunny, are you ok?”, you jump at the feeling of Kuroo’s breath near your ear, “Yeah, I’m totally fine. Just on edge because of family and what not”. Making up a fake lie was all you could do in this situation, feeling guilty for breaking you and Kuroo’s pact to not keep anything from each other. Kuroo gets up, your eyes follow him, “Well in that case, then let’s go dance.”. Your hands feel clammy as Kuroo offers his hands to you, waving yours back in rejection. “Ah no, I don’t know how to dance.”, Kuroo smiles in retaliation, “Then I’ll teach you, it’s not that hard anyway sweetheart.”. He grabs your hand lifting you in one go while dragging you to the dance floor.

 Kuroo places his hand on your waist and the other interlocking with yours, following you interlock hands and place the other on his shoulder. Looking down at his feet making sure to not step on them, Kuroo lifts your face up to him. “Don’t focus on your feet princess, keep your eyes on me.”, you nod mesmerized by him. He starts leading, swaying slowly back and forth, “See it’s easy, sweetheart. It’s just you and me here bunny, only focus on me.” , fascinated by Kuroo. He was right, in that moment it was just you and him. Every worry vanished, you didn’t notice your parents looking at you two or your aunts gossiping about you, it was just Kuroo helping you sway to the music. “I mean what I said earlier by the way, you look beautiful princess. I mean don’t get me wrong, you look gorgeous everyday but today bunny. You just have this fascinating glow to you. It’s like I can’t take my eyes off of you, you’re so captivating.” Your palms start sweating, hearing the music stop you break away from Kuroo abruptly. “Sorry, thank you for the dance Kuroo.”, wiping your sweaty palms you start to head back to your table feeling dizzy. Not realizing your parents sat themselves at your table, sitting down trying to look for Kuroo in the crowd. 

 Finally finding him near the refreshments, letting out a breath of relief. “So, got anything to say about yesterday young lady?” you freeze just barely noticing your parents at your table. You start to turn around feeling the fear comeback into you facing your father. “No, actually I have nothing to say and I’d prefer if we don’t talk about this here.”, trying to be the mature person in this situation. Your dad crosses his arms, “It’s just like you to walk away, you know you talked a big game to your mother but now you have nothing to say to me?”. Feeling your throat burn you start to pick at your fingers starting to speak before getting interrupted.

 “No matter what title you have to her, that doesn’t allow you to speak to her that way? A father should never speak to their daughter that way. Instead of trying to celebrate your other daughter’s beautiful wedding, here you are trying to make it about yourself. Excuse us, we're going to go ahead and sit somewhere else.” Kuroo places your drinks down before grabbing your hands and guiding you to another table. “I’m sorry bunny, I went to go get refreshments for us cause you seemed flushed after dancing but trouble seems to follow you anywhere you, huh?”, Kuroo tries lightening the mood but you still feel frozen by the tone your father displayed. Noticing how you weren’t letting up he decided to pull you away from the party entirely, gently caressing your face. “Sweetheart, look at me.”, he slowly starts swaying you just like before. 

 Laying your head on his shoulder you start swaying hearing music faintly playing in the background, “It’s just us remember. I’m here now.”. Kuroo’s lips gently graze your forehead as your vision feels blurry and you feel hot tears welling up. “Kuroo, can we go back to the hotel?”, he nods as you pull him to his car, not wanting to spend another minute near your parents. Driving to the hotel looking at the window you realized, your parents sucked at wanting to be parents. Being their daughter you always tried to make excuses for them but seeing how they treated Kuroo, it finally clicked for you that your relationship with them wasn’t worth the mental gymnastics. “Kuroo, do you talk to your parents?” Kuroo nods, feeling bad for not being able to provide the answer you wanted. “I do, I’m not going to lie to you though our relationship isn’t perfect but it’s not borderline damaging like your relationship with your parents. No offense.” You laugh, “No offense taken, It’s just sad to me that my parents don’t really feel like my parents. I can’t justify our relationship anymore, especially after everything they put you through. I just have to accept that my parents are not willing to change. Man, I need a drink after the day I’ve had.”

Heading out to the hotel bar, you and Kuroo decide to hangout before heading up to you guys’ hotel. Just getting a soda to drink, prematurely deciding that anything alcoholic will mess up your mental state even more. “Thank you Kuroo. We did it! The weekend is over!” You cheer with Kuroo before taking a sip of your drink. “This weekend was rough but you made it easier.” Kuroo leans on the bar smiling, picking at the tab on his soda can, “Well sweetheart, with you by me anything is easy.”. Suddenly feeling daring, you lean forward deciding to tease Kuroo the way he teases you, “Are you saying I’m easy Tetsu? That’s so mean of you to say to a girl who’s already down.”. Kuroo laughs leaning into you, “Bunny, we both know you’re anything but easy, more like troublesome.”  

 Kuroo leans down playing with the K charm on your necklace that lays on top of the nape of your neck as his gaze travels up to your face. Your breath hitches, knowing that your conversation just took a left turn, “Your friends wouldn’t describe you as troublesome, no?”. You shake your head, “Then what does that make me bunny?” You feel your heart pounding in your chest, “Tell me then sweetheart, tell me you want to be with me and I’ll drop everything to be with you. I’ve been telling you, "It was always you”, only you bunny.” Kuroo is only centimeters away from your parting lips. You feel his eyes locked on yours while your breath quickens, his fragrant musky cologne overtakes all your senses, and even though your desire to touch his lips with yours is strong, you hesitate.

“This is a mistake.” You whisper before pulling away abruptly, his fingers accidentally breaking the chain he bought you. You knew Alisa wanted him and what kind of friend would you be to take that from her, what kind of friend are you to even joke around like that? Deciding to pull away from Kuroo meant keeping your friendship with Alisa, knowing that she’d be heartbroken if she even knew you had any sort of feelings for Kuroo. “You’re right, this was.” Kuroo’s warmth is now gone and replaced with an ice-cold wall of rejection. He pulls away shaking his head and avoiding your eyes, “I’m heading back to our hotel room, since it’s the last night I think I’ll just take the floor.”, you sit up knowing you shouldn’t leave Kuroo alone but fearing what will happen if you convince him to stay. 

 Quickly contemplating the options in your head but your feet feel glued to the floor and a deafening silence hits your ears. You felt naive for allowing yourself to have feelings for Kuroo knowing he was never yours, you felt numb to the outside world. How could you do this to him, you hurt the only person who stuck out their neck to protect you. Not only did you hurt him but you also hurt Alisa, you felt like a terrible person. Not realizing you were in public till you heard people laughing near you, you felt heavy with negative thoughts consuming you. You quickly fix yourself before heading up to your hotel room. 

 Approaching the hotel room, you are met with light peeking out from under the door in the hotel hallway. Your chest felt like it was on fire, how could you go in there and act like everything was fine? You wished you could just start everything over from the beginning and profusely beg Kenma to come with you instead, never even considering asking Kuroo. Maybe even ignoring the invitation altogether and telling your sister you came down with some terrible food poisoning. Mid thought, the door abruptly opens but you can’t even tell because your slouched figure is on the nearest wall covering your face deep in thought. Kuroo stands still thinking about his next actions before shakily telling you that he’ll see you in the morning to drop you off at your apartment. You nodded, still stuffing your face in your hands because your throat felt too heavy to talk and you felt too ashamed to show your face. 

 Kuroo lingered longer than he expected wanting to hear you explain yourself but nothing progressed. Instead of saying anything, you finally let your hands fall to your side to be met with a blurry version of Kuroo’s silhouette. Just as you’re about to enter your shared hotel room, Kuroo suddenly grabs at your forearm. You stop becoming speechless at his actions wanting to grasp onto any words that’ll escape your mouth only to be met with nothing. He instead takes a deep shaky breath before speaking. “If you need me for anything just text me, I’m going for a drive. I’m not mad at you… I just need some time.” You didn’t face him still looking forward as you nodded before retracting your hand and heading in. Hearing the door shut in place, you sit down on the edge of the bed taking shelter in your arms. Conflicted about what to do with yourself now that you were truly alone. You did the only thing that felt right in this moment, cry, because deep down you know it’s over. Whatever chance you had at an actual friendship with Kuroo is over. The wedding being over was no longer a relief because you knew trouble was just going to follow. 

 Feeling the burden of having to explain yourself to Kenma, who would most likely be mad at you for stupidly developing feelings for his best friend and Alisa, who probably wouldn’t want to be your friend knowing you're disloyal to her. Laying down you grab the blanket and pull it up over your head, shutting out the world. However, the blanket could never replace the amount of comfort Kuroo would provide you and you only have yourself to blame for that.

 The next morning you’re met with Kuroo packing up his belongings, “Morning.”. His voice devoid of any  playful emotion and missing the stupid pet names he calls you, your heart breaks. You lift yourself up before heading to the bathroom to take off all of yesterday’s remains. As you slip everything off you feel yourself remembering how good the day started just for it to end rotten. Washing your face, you hoped you would wake up and maybe this would all just go away like a bad dream but sadly it wasn’t. Facing the consequences of your actions you decide to go back out there. Packing your things away you feel your phone ring, deciding to silence it before seeing it was Kenma spam calling you. Looking around seeing Kuroo immersed in packing you decide to put your phone on do not disturb. “You ready?”, you turn around to see Kuroo packed, “Yeah.”. Picking up your things before heading out the hotel, this was going to be a long drive.

After your awkward drive with Kuroo, you knew exactly where he would be going and exactly where you couldn’t go. Knowing he’d end up venting to Kenma, you go where you knew Kuroo wouldn’t be. That’s how you end up knocking quietly on Alisa’s door in the early morning. She opens up to see your sunken and tired expression as you fall straight to the floor begging for forgiveness. Her eyes widened, “What happened, what did your family do to you and where’s Kuroo? How come he didn’t come up with you knowing you’re in this state, I’m going to kill him.” You silently look up to Alisa before covering your sobs with your hand and saying sorry. She looks down at you confused, while her brows furrow in concern. 

 “What are you saying sorry for honey? Are you ok, come in and tell me what happened.” Alisa pulled you into her apartment, you sat in silence waiting patiently to get yourself together before saying your explanation on the weekend and why you suddenly came to her declaring for forgiveness. Deciding to cut to the chase you close your eyes before explaining everything, “Kuroo tried to kiss me Lis and I pulled back because I didn’t have it in me. He’s yours, Lis. However, I would be lying to you If I said I didn’t have feelings for him and I’m so sorry.” Alisa stares blankly into space, “He tried to kiss you?”, you nod. “Alisa, what kind of friend would I be if I kissed him back and didn’t let you have a chance? I couldn’t live with myself If I took this opportunity from you.” Alisa chuckles and looks at me like you’ve overlooked key details.

 “You are so beautiful but yet so dense. What kind of friend would I be if I denied you an opportunity to be with someone who likes you? Answer me, do you like him?”. You looked at her then looked away afraid this would blow up in your face. “I guess? Maybe? I don’t know! When we started this I thought he was annoying but now he’s less annoying?”, not knowing what else to say about him without hurting her feelings. “Do you remember what I told you the day you came to ask me for permission to fake date him?”, you nod. “Well then, you should know that Kuroo is in fact not mine. Yes, I liked Kuroo but I now know he doesn’t feel the same way about me. However, I do know that he feels that way about you, so what are you going to do about it?”. 

 Your stomach felt like it was in knots, did you like Kuroo that much you were willing to take him away from Alisa? How do you know when you like someone? Was wanting to kiss him at the hotel an instinct or a moment of weakness? Thinking back to the weekend you realized just how much Kuroo influenced you, how his compliments started to linger on your mind for longer, or how you suddenly turned into a mess each time he engaged in physical contact with you. Holy crap, you liked Kuroo. Oh no, you liked Kuroo. You look up at Alisa who gives you a knowing look, “Go get him girl!”. Even though you wanted to make a big dramatic escape to Kuroo you knew it just wasn’t that simple, you dropped your head.

 Alisa looks at you questioningly, she thinks you didn’t hear her so she raises her voice a little. “Hello, I said go get him… why are you hesitating?” Your sigh fills the room, you don’t know what to say, you don’t know if there’s anything left to say. “I messed up badly, what am I supposed to say? Hey Kuroo, I know I said almost kissing you was a mistake but now I suddenly realized I like you. Kuroo doesn’t deserve backpedaling. Plus, we didn’t talk the whole way home! What do you think that means? I hate you.“ Alisa cuts you off before you can talk for another 30 minutes. “Look, if he really liked you he wouldn’t be over you in the span of a day! I’ll give you two days here before I drag you to his apartment myself. So get yourself mentally prepared to talk to him, okay?”

 I’m heading home, is what you text Kenma before putting your phone on, do not disturb, not wanting to hear him nag at you for avoiding him. It takes you a while to pick up all your belongings due to your hesitance. Alisa notices, “Ok, I’m about to start throwing all your stuff in your bag. I told you two days, not two decades, what’s taking you so long to pack? Didn’t you already tell Kenma that you were on your way?” Alisa glances over at you slumped on her bed. “I’m just mentally getting ready for Kenma to get upset at me, you know how territorial he is when it comes to Kuroo. On top of that, he’s scary when he’s mad. Usually people yell and argue but Ken just gets silent and stares at you disappointedly.” As soon as Alisa starts laughing you both hear a knock on her door. Glancing at each other, deciding to tiptoe to the door. She glances out the peephole to see Kuroo, gasping she whispers to go to her room. You signal an ok as you quietly but quickly make a run to her room.

 She opens the door to see Kuroo in a distressed looking state, “Hey Kuroo, what’s up?”. “Alisa I need your help, I know (y/n) was just here but how was she before she took off? Was she upset, did she mention being upset at me?”, Alisa had never seen Kuroo like this. Even in high school when he played big tournaments he always stayed peaceful. She quickly thought how he must really like you if you have him this distressed. You were listening to Kuroo ramble from Lis’ room and for once you felt like you were listening to yourself speak. “She’s actually still here, she hasn’t left yet.”, your heart drops, “Come on out! I’ll leave you guys to it, let me know when this is all over.” With that you hear the door click and footsteps heading towards Lis’ room.

 “Hello, anyone there?” Kuroo stops right in front of Alisa’s door before knocking softly, “I know you’re in there. Can you please open the door? I want to talk.” You hear Kuroo’s breath falter waiting for your response before you open the door letting him in. You guys look at each other before breaking the silence, “I’m sorry I didn’t reach out Kuroo, I didn’t want to seem pushy. Especially if you felt that you needed more time.”. Kuroo laughs bitterly, “Do you ever intend to put yourself first?”. You felt your heart stop, “Excuse me?”, you didn’t know if this was a fever dream or if Kuroo was really trying to reprimand you. “Kenma filled me in, he told me why he thinks you didn’t kiss me back. I want you to tell me the truth, is it because of Alisa’s feelings or is it because you don’t like me?”

 Kuroo knows the answer but he wants to hear you say it. Kuroo grabs your fidgeting hands, “Please bunny, tell me. If you don’t like me I’ll walk away, never bother you again. If you do like me then I need to hear it from you.”. He hears you take a deep breath, anticipation building up in him. “I didn’t want to hurt Alisa. Even if I did like you, knowing I would betray Alisa would hurt me more. I’m sorry but I need you to understand that.”, a silence looms over you two. “What about what you wanted? What about what Alisa would want for you?”Kuroo has you thinking about what you wanted for once but not being selfish enough to take it. 

 You stare at your hands interlocking, “You aren’t supposed to be with someone like me. The weekend we shared validated that answer, whether it be my parents dragging me down or even my own expectations limiting me. If you’re associated with me, I fear that I’ll just bring you down. Alisa has a beautiful family, a great job, and everything you need to live a happy life. I don’t deserve you.”, Kuroo’s heart shatters with each dig you throw at yourself. “Sweetheart, look at me.” You stare at Kuroo seeing that his eyes are watering, “Ever since you clumsily stumbled into my life you have possessed every single one of my thoughts, I wasn’t lying to you.” He places his face near yours.

 “I know that asking to be with you, is asking for all of you, all of your family troubles, your bad days, and even your nagging roommate.”, you chuckle, now tearing up with him. “That also means I get quiet mornings waking up next to you, being able to come home to you after a long day, and just being with you, no one else. You fill the holes in my heart that are shaped after you, and hold my heart in the palm of your hands. I never want you to feel like you have to earn me, you are good enough just as you are sweetheart. I don’t only want the good parts, I’ll be by you through the bad parts too. We’re in this together and I never intend to break that promise bunny.”, you shyly smile. No one has ever talked to you in such a caring manner that wasn’t meant to be taken platonically. “I really, really want to kiss you Tetsu.” You lean into Kuroo still feeling doubtful. “Okay, I’m all yours.”, you quickly kiss him, seizing the opportunity he gave you. 

 You both start getting lost in the feeling of kissing each other, relishing in how quiet your mind was, thoughts buried in the thought of how plush Kuroo’s lips felt. You never wanted this feeling to stop, Kuroo pulls away from you, still close enough to pull you back in. “I guess this trip brought you a new boyfriend, huh?”, you pause laughing for a moment remembering back to the cafe. “You’re such a nerd Tetsu.”, you look down to his lips wanting to kiss away his cocky smirk. “Oh, you forgot this at the hotel by the way, clumsy girl”, you looked at him in concern before seeing the K necklace, shocked. “I made sure to fix it for you, I can’t have my baby wearing it broken now, can I?”, he smirks looking at you. You turn around letting him lay the necklace down, clasping it together. “You know how I said I kept the receipt?”, you nod, “Well I kinda lied about that.” You turn around slowly, “Kuroo Tetsuro, how much did you spend on this? What if I had said no to your confession?” He grabs your face close to his smirking, “Well good thing I already said I’m all yours sweetheart.”, kissing you softly relishing in the thought that you both belong to each other.

divider credit to @/anitalenia and @/thecutestgrotto

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚ melon's marginalia: please enjoy, this is my first long fic and i hope you love it! inbox is open if you have any comments!! kuroo is slowly becoming my fav character!! 🐈‍⬛

[novaursa]

Hi love

Can I have a Daeron x twin sister

me was sent with him to old town, Gwayne raised her and become her father figure and is very protective of her.

She and Daeron become lovers through the years but no one know that at king’s landing. Otto want her to marry a Lannister to make the family more powerful.

Gwayne talk to Daeron about it, and the both of them decided to join Rhaenyra in exchange of her to accept their love and weeding

To Defy the Realm

Requests are closed!

- Summary: When your grandsire, Otto Hightower, wishes to give your hand to a Lannister, your twin makes a decision that may turn the tide of the Dance.

- Paring: twin!reader/Daeron Targaryen

- Note: For more of my works, visit my blog. The first list is pinned to the top and the link is there for the second one.

- Rating: Mature 16+

- Tag(s): @sachaa-ff @alyssa-dayne

The warm glow of the evening sun filtered through the high windows of the Hightower, casting the chamber in golden hues. Daeron Targaryen stood at the center of the room, arms folded, tension rippling through his posture. His violet eyes, a signature of his bloodline, flicked towards his uncle Gwayne Hightower, who sat across the table, brow furrowed in contemplation.

Word had arrived from King's Landing, carried by a raven no more than a day past. Jason Lannister, Lord of Casterly Rock, had sent a formal proposal for the hand of Daeron’s twin sister, your hand. The thought of it made Daeron's blood simmer. The idea of you being promised to anyone else, let alone Jason, a man of arrogance and ambition, was an affront to everything he'd come to feel over the years. You were more than his twin, more than his closest confidante. You were his love, his secret, shared only between the two of you in the quiet moments away from the world.

And now, Otto Hightower sought to use you as a piece on his ever-ambitious game board. The notion of it had Daeron’s pulse quickening, anger curling hot and unforgiving in his chest.

Gwayne noticed his nephew’s agitation. He spoke after a heavy silence, his voice measured and calm, “Daeron, I understand your frustration. But we cannot make hasty decisions.”

“Hasty decisions?” Daeron’s tone was sharp, and his usually calm demeanor cracked. He paced across the stone floor, his footsteps echoing in the room. “Uncle, this is no trivial matter. How can you sit so calmly knowing they would send her to the Rock? To Jason Lannister, of all people.”

Gwayne’s weathered hand lifted, signaling for Daeron to sit. His eyes were softened by an understanding only years of guardianship could bring. “I do not favor the match. But I know how things work in court, Daeron. Your grandsire—Otto—has made this move because it suits his plans. She’s valuable to him in more ways than just blood.”

“She’s more than a pawn,” Daeron growled, his fists tightening. “And I won’t see her sent off like some prize to the highest bidder. She deserves more than that.”

Gwayne sighed, leaning back in his chair. “You speak as though I disagree with you. I’ve raised her, protected her. But the weight of decisions like this… they are not easily reversed. Going against your grandsire’s wishes comes with consequences.”

Daeron stopped pacing, his eyes narrowing. “Consequences? I’ll tell you the consequences—if I allow this, I’ll lose her. Not just to Jason Lannister, but to the life they’ll force upon her. You know as well as I do, the Rock is not where she belongs. It’s not where we belong.”

The last word lingered in the air between them. We. Daeron’s admission wasn’t lost on Gwayne, though it had never been spoken aloud in such a way. Daeron and you had always been inseparable, but this was something deeper, more dangerous. Gwayne knew. He’d seen it. He was no fool.

“And what do you propose?” Gwayne asked quietly, his gaze sharp now, appraising. “Because once you act on this, there’s no returning.”

Daeron stepped forward, his jaw set, determination burning in his eyes. “We go to Dragonstone. Rhaenyra will shelter us there. She will understand.”

At the mention of their half-sister, Gwayne’s brow lifted slightly. “Rhaenyra has never been one for traditions or alliances dictated by the throne. And she has always favored you, Daeron. That much is true. But to join her…” He let the words hang. It was a risky move, openly aligning themselves with the Princess of Dragonstone, a declaration that would put them at odds with the Hightowers.

Daeron met his uncle’s gaze evenly. “Rhaenyra will support us. She will bless the union between us, and there will be no Lannister, no Westerlands, no alliances forged in fire that can take her from me.”

Gwayne studied him for a moment, the weight of his responsibility hanging heavy on his shoulders. Daeron had always been the calm one, the diplomatic one, but love—love was something that often burned too hot, too wild for reason. Gwayne had seen what it did to men. Yet, as he looked at his nephew now, the boy he had helped raise, he saw more than youthful defiance. He saw conviction.

“Then you know what this means,” Gwayne said slowly, his words careful. “If you leave, there’s no returning to the neutrality of Oldtown. The Hightower name is bound to Otto’s ambitions. Going to Rhaenyra is taking a side in this coming conflict.”

“I don’t care,” Daeron replied, his voice low but unwavering. “I would face the whole realm for her. We belong together, Uncle. The time for hiding is over.”

Gwayne leaned back, crossing his arms. His face was pensive, torn between his duty to his family and the care he held for you and Daeron. “I raised you both like my own, you know that. What you’re asking for, Daeron, it’s not just rebellion. It’s a declaration. And if Rhaenyra accepts, there’s no undoing what follows.”

Daeron nodded once, firmly. “I am ready. We are ready.”

Gwayne’s silence was long. Finally, he exhaled and stood, walking towards the window, looking out at the distant sea. The Tower’s height allowed him to see beyond the city, towards the horizon where Dragonstone lay hidden in the mists. He spoke without turning, his voice quieter now, more somber. “Then it’s decided. You leave for Dragonstone. I will make the arrangements.”

Daeron’s heart surged with relief, a flicker of hope igniting inside him. The thought of you, of your future together, felt almost within reach. No longer would you be a secret, hidden behind the walls of Oldtown. Together, on Dragonstone, with the support of Rhaenyra, you would be free.

Gwayne turned back to face him, the light from the window casting his features in shadow. “But Daeron,” he said gravely, “this choice will change everything. Once the wheel of war begins to turn, there’s no stopping it.”

Daeron met his uncle’s gaze, steel in his voice. “Let it turn.”

[cherrye]

sweet things

oikawa tooru x gn!reader

a/n: had to dump this b4 my brain explodes

there’s something about you that makes tooru just want to sit you on a beautiful throne and offer you all the love and possessions he can give you. maybe it’s the way you get flustered with every sweet thing he does, or the way you give your all in showing him the love he deserves — it’s apparently an innate desire to see you glowing with joy and love.

case in point, while he likes to act as if he were only doing it because it looked like your spine was about to deform from the weight of your bag (it really wasn’t heavy), he likes to insist on carrying your bag, especially when you’ve been adjusting its handle or strap on your shoulders. even if you do decline the offer, you’ll find yourself smiling when you feel the bag lighten a bit (it’s definitely not because of him lifting the bag from the bottom).

another thing is keeping you out of harm’s way. whether or not you’re a clumsy person, his spider senses activate as soon as you do something that may potentially harm you.

something fell under the table? he’s immediately covering your head with his hands when you crawl down to get it back.

filming the beautiful scenery? tooru already has his hands on your waist to keep you from bumping into people or tripping over your own feet.

but, what if you’ve already hurt yourself? he’s already on his way to fulfill his duty as your nurse… after he finishes laughing, of course.

lastly, while his job as a pro player takes up most of his time, he does his absolute best to make time for you. and, during those day offs he gets to spend with you, he’s paying full attention to you.

he loves hearing you talk about your day, especially when you go into full detail like how the music you were playing was coincidentally matching a random pigeon’s stride, or even how a little pebble in your shoe somehow threw off your luck for the day.

what he loves the most though is when you sit him down on the bed to watch you try on everything you bought that day. tooru’s fully engrossed in the try-on haul and acts as if he was invited to paris fashion week, watching models strut down the runway. he even goes as far as acting like a photographer and going into all sorts of weird poses to “get the best angles” when you model by the doorway.

and during those days you feel as if you’re truly unworthy of the treatment he has been giving you, he’s quick to wrap you up in his arms and remind you that you deserve everything in this world and so much more than what he can offer you.

“i love you, y/n. everything i do for you is because i love you and you love me. i don’t care if you think you don’t deserve it because it’s my choice, and i believe you deserve it and so much more. you are a person worthy of unconditional love and care, i hope you will understand this. it doesn’t have to be right now, but i hope it’ll be in the near future, my love”.

[bird-inacage]

Only Friends: EP10 Ray's Therapy Scene (First Focus)

I've been meaning to do a deep dive on this scene, which has no doubt been immensely commended for Khaotung's stellar performance (I'm running out of vocabulary to gush about how talented that boy is). However the purpose of this post is to highlight how equally superb First is, as I fear some may overlook the excellent work he does here.

The reason why this scene warrants a huge amount of respect is how challenging this dynamic is on both actors. Only Ray is speaking the entire way through, which means the tone and rhythm of the scene is led by Khaotung, whilst First's role here as Sand is to be reactive to this immense outpouring and release of emotion. First is required to be a very restrained and contemplative presence - a projection and visual representation of Sand in Ray's own mind. It's literally acting on a macro (Khaotung) and micro (First) level in tandem.

I want to start by mentioning how well First portrays this bedded-in weariness in Sand’s demeanor throughout, an expression we’ve seen in Episode 8. It carries this heartbreakingly heavy and worn down quality. A symptom of a man who bears far too much weight on his shoulders, whose mental toil never seems to end; a product of his own nature and those who knowingly or unknowingly take advantage of it. This is the tragedy of Sand's character. And this is the realisation that is well and truly hitting Ray now. His temper and behaviour have inevitably taken its toll on someone Ray knows doesn't deserve all the suffering he's been putting him through.

⬆️ "I was stupid, but I want you to understand me. I was mad at you because I cared so much about you."

When Ray starts asking for forgiveness, there's an air of slightly deflated scepticism that flits across Sand's face. Sand's immediate instinct is to be hopeful, to give someone the benefit of the doubt. But the reality is Ray has apologised a number of times before and that hasn’t stopped him from hurting Sand still. So Sand’s expression sobers, conscious of how likely it is that Ray will let him down again.

This is Ray acknowledging that he's fallen into a pattern of taking Sand for granted. If that’s all Sand has come to expect, why would his apology this time change anything? Ray has not earnt his redemption yet as he hasn't apologised to Sand in person, and has no guarantee it would be accepted. Which is why he's so upset because he registers that Sand's disappointment in him is fully deserved.

⬆️ "There's no one more caring or loving than you. Though I've been nothing but an asshole to you."

You see the tiniest lift of Sand's brow that's tinged with grateful disbelief, 'Me? But I'm nothing special'. His gaze softens by the sentiment, a visible breath inhaled in as if taken aback, clearly touched but hesitant to believe it. A humbling trait of Sand's is that he genuinely struggles to see his own value. He doesn't realise just how meaningful he can be to someone. That he could hold such weight.

And all the criticism that Ray has thrown at Sand has only piled onto the insecurities he possesses. Remarks that have questioned Sand's principles, his dignity, his sense of worth.

⬆️ "But if you don't want to put up with me anymore, that's alright. I get you."

Ray's image of Sand watches on as he begins to fall apart, crushed by a mixture of intense fear, regret, and despair that this may be too little too late. That his last outburst may well have been the final straw, and he failed to appreciate Sand when it mattered.

On the surface Sand may look numb or somewhat devoid of emotion, but you can detect the turbulence brewing underneath. Sand has a habit of holding in his feelings in to an almost painful degree (which begs for release). It gives you the impression he could suddenly burst at the seams at any given moment. But Sand as always holds still, holds strong, holds steady. Other than the slight twitch of his lip, he holds himself together somehow.

⬆️ "No one can put up with me".

Ray vocalises his own self-hatred, how little he deserves someone like Sand, how guilty he feels for causing this damage. Whilst he does so, Sand appears increasingly teary, lip ever so slightly quivering, brows crumpling. He looks like he desperately wants to break down and cry along with Ray.

What sets Sand apart from everyone else in Ray’s life is he understands. He can sympathise with why Ray is the way he is. Despite everything Ray has done, Sand still very much wants to protect him, shield him, care for him. He doesn't blame him. It breaks his heart to see Ray upset, to see Ray hurting. His compassion for Ray has always been his undoing.

The last thing he would want is for Ray to feel unwanted or intolerable. He tries to be the person who can withstand Ray's temper, his volatile nature, because he knows Ray is still deserving of love. It’s because of this love that he can feel every single thing that Ray is going through.

Sand exudes an incredibly strong parental presence in this scene; a form of unconditional love and patience. As we're often told by our parents, they're not angry at us when we veer off path, just disappointed and perhaps saddened on our behalf - but that won't stop them from loving us all the same. This is beautifully captured by First. You can detect Sand's selfless love for Ray in his every gaze, always.

⬆️ "Ever since you walked into my life, I've been so happy. So damn happy Sand."

This is where Sand almost breaks down as he displays a small, tentative smile that is laced with pained and tired relief. His eyes close in an attempt to maintain composure. Whilst there’s overwhelm, there’s also finally a glimmer of peace.

This is what Ray knows Sand needs to hear, what Ray wishes he'd said sooner. Ray picturing himself saying this to Sand may be a form of vindication in the event he doesn't get say this to him in-person.

Finally Ray collapses into Sand's arms. Sand seems to visibly reign in his own emotions, in order to revert back to 'care-taker' mode. Sand nods once, a gesture of kindness and true acceptance that says 'It's all okay, I know.'

He's Ray's pillar, his rock, and his raft. Sand has become Ray's primary source of safety and comfort. Sand's gaze is so endlessly gentle as he nestles in close to hold Ray. Everything about his embrace feels warm and stable in such a reassuring way. Sand is every bit as loving and caring as Ray just described him to be.

What makes this entire portrayal so devastating is this is the Sand Ray sees and knows. Ray mentions in Episode 11 that he’s been stowing away these details. Which indicates that everything Sand has done and said has not gone unnoticed. Whether it was due to denial or ignorance that prevented Ray from confronting it sooner, he has unconsciously taken note of it all. How Ray's image of Sand responds in this scene is based on every interaction he's had with Sand up until now. This imaginary representation of Sand is proof of everything that Ray has come to fall in love with.

First was not given any dialogue in which to communicate in this scene. His entire performance relies solely on the tiniest of micro-expressions and gestures. He symbolises the essence of Sand but not the physical manifestation of him. Therefore his acting may come across as understated but that’s a sign of real talent when you can say so much with so little.

[adiraargent]

your choso fic was absolutely ADORABLE oh my god, may i request an angsty choso x (preferably) fem reader who kinda has mommy issues? like she's not used to receiving this kind of love and affection from a person and she kinda gets emotional whenever choso expresses his love for her. if you don't feel comfy writing this please feel free to ignore! :3

I'm here for you - Choso Kamo

warnings: none, fluff, angst, mention of family issues wc 1.6k Thank you for the request <3 I hope you like it, if not lmk and I'll try again :)

The day had been a relentless cascade of stress and anxiety, each passing hour feeling like a battle against the weight of the world. You trudged through the front door of your apartment, your shoulders heavy with the burden of the day's struggles. The soft click of the door closing behind you seemed to echo in the silence of the empty lounge room. You sighed softly, putting your bag down on the kitchen bench before trudging over to the fridge, pulling it open tiredly to grab the water jug out.

Choso, who had heard the front door click shut rushed out of the room, an excited grin on his face as he went to welcome you home. However always perceptive to your moods, he was quick to notice the weariness etched into every line of your face. His concern was palpable as he approached you, his eyes filled with a mixture of empathy and worry.

"Hey my love, are you okay?" Choso's voice was gentle, his tone laced with genuine concern as he reached out to touch your arm.

You mustered a weak smile, though it felt like an effort to even lift the corners of your lips. "I'm fine," you replied, your voice barely above a whisper, though the words tasted bitter on your tongue.

Choso's gaze softened, his hand lingering on your arm as he studied your face. "You don't have to pretend with me," he said softly, his voice a soothing melody in the midst of your turmoil. "I can see it in your eyes."

"I'm fine Cho," you muttered, shrugging his hand off your arm so you could reach up into the medical cabinet to grab some Panadol.

The dam of emotions threatened to burst, the weight of your worries pressing down on you like a suffocating blanket. You swallowed hard, trying to push aside the overwhelming tide threatening to consume you.

"What's wrong my love?" he whispered again softly, being careful not to push your boundaries.

"It's just... everything," you murmured, your voice trembling with the weight of unspoken words. "Work, family... I feel like I'm drowning."

Choso's expression softened even further, his eyes filled with understanding as he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close. "I'm here for you my sweet girl," he whispered, his voice a gentle reassurance in the midst of your storm. "Always."

You stiffened at the physical contact, still not used to it. You stood there, arms stuck to your side as you looked ahead, unsure of how to really react, the unfamiliar feeling of warmth around you causing an eruption in your stomach. You didn't know how to feel, the warmth from the hug felt so comforting... yet so unusual that it also mad you feel sick.

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes as you leaned into his embrace, seeking solace in the warmth of his presence. You tried to hold back your tears, the belief that it was wrong to cry deeply etched into your soul as your mothers harsh words and lectures remained prominent in your memory.

It was times like these when you were reminded of just how fortunate you were to have Choso by your side, his unwavering support a beacon of light in the darkness.

"I don't know what I'd do without you," you whispered, your voice choked with emotion as you buried your face in his chest, allowing yourself to finally let go of the facade you had been clinging to all day.

Choso held you close, his arms a safe haven in the midst of the storm raging within you. "You don't have to do anything alone darling," he murmured, pressing a tender kiss to the top of your head. "I love you, and I'll always be here for you, no matter what."

In that moment, surrounded by the warmth of Choso's love, you felt a sense of peace wash over you, the weight of your burdens easing ever so slightly. And as you clung to him, you knew that no matter what challenges lay ahead, you would face them together, hand in hand, heart to heart.

As you rested in Choso's embrace, the tension that had gripped your body slowly began to ebb away, replaced by a sense of tranquility that washed over you like a soothing balm. With each steady beat of his heart against your ear, you felt the jagged edges of your emotions begin to smooth out, the weight of the day's troubles dissipating into the ether.

"I know I don't say it enough, but I appreciate everything you do for me," you whispered, your voice barely above a hushed breath as you nuzzled closer to him, seeking solace in the warmth of his embrace, "you're so patient with me... even after how I act and push you away..."

Choso's arms tightened around you, his touch a comforting anchor in the storm of your emotions. "You don't have to thank me love," he murmured, his voice soft and reassuring. "I love you, and I'll always be here for you, no matter what."

Those words, spoken with such sincerity and depth of feeling, stirred something deep within you, a wellspring of emotions that threatened to overwhelm you once more. "I know you had it rough growing up, and you didn't get the love that you deserved... but I'm here to show you just how important and special you really are. You mean everything to me."

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes as you pulled back slightly, meeting Choso's gaze with a mixture of gratitude and love.

"I love you too, Choso," you whispered, your voice choked with emotion as you reached up to brush away the tears that lingered on your cheeks. "More than words can express."

Choso's eyes softened, his gaze filled with an unwavering devotion that took your breath away. Without a word, he leaned down, his lips capturing yours in a tender kiss that spoke volumes of the love and affection he held for you.

As you basked in the warmth of Choso's love, a sense of contentment washed over you, soothing the frayed edges of your soul. Wrapped in his arms, you felt a sense of safety and security that you had never known before, as if the world outside ceased to exist, leaving only the two of you in your own little bubble of serenity.

"Thank you," you murmured again against his lips, your words a whispered prayer of gratitude as you leaned into his touch, savoring the sensation of his lips against yours.

Choso smiled against your mouth, his fingers gently trailing down your spine in a tender caress. "There's no need to thank me, love," he said softly, his voice a gentle murmur in the stillness of the room. "I meant what I said, I'm always going to be here for you."

His words were a soothing melody that washed over you, filling you with a sense of peace that you had never known before.

"I'm so so grateful that you found me," you whispered, your voice barely above a breath as you pressed your forehead against his, your eyes locked in a silent exchange of love and devotion.

Choso's eyes softened, his gaze filled with an intensity that made your heart skip a beat. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me," he murmured, his voice thick with emotion as he leaned in to capture your lips in a tender kiss.

The kiss was filled with all the unspoken words and emotions that lingered between you, a silent promise of love and commitment that bound you together in that moment. And as you melted into each other's embrace, you knew that you had found your home in Choso's arms.

But even as you clung to him, a nagging voice in the back of your mind reminded you of the scars that still lingered from your past, the wounds that ran deeper than any physical injury. You had spent so long building walls around your heart, guarding it against the pain and disappointment that seemed to follow you like a shadow. And now, with Choso by your side, those walls threatened to crumble, leaving you exposed and vulnerable once more.

"I'm sorry," you whispered, pulling away slightly as a wave of guilt washed over you. "I didn't mean to push you away like that. It's just... I'm not used to this."

Choso's expression softened, his eyes filled with understanding as he reached out to cup your face in his hands. "Hey," he murmured, his voice gentle yet firm. "You don't have to apologise. I know it's not easy for you, but I'm here for you, always."

Tears welled up in your eyes as you leaned into his touch, seeking solace in the warmth of his hands against your skin. "I'm just so scared," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper as you let your guard down, allowing him to see the vulnerability that lay beneath the surface.

Choso's gaze softened, his thumb brushing away the tears that streaked your cheeks. "I know," he murmured, his voice filled with compassion and understanding. "But you don't have to be scared anymore. I won't let anyone hurt you, not while I'm here."

His words were a soothing balm to your wounded soul, offering comfort and reassurance in the face of your fears.

"I love you," you whispered, your voice choked with emotion as you pressed your forehead against his, your eyes locked in a silent exchange of love and devotion.

Choso's eyes softened, his gaze filled with an unwavering devotion that took your breath away. "And I love you," he murmured, his voice thick with emotion as he leaned in to capture your lips in a tender kiss.

written by @adiraargent Please do not steal or claim <3 Hope you enjoyed Requests are welcome :)

[observeowl]

Second Chance | Chapter 8 - Life Lessons

Series masterlist

sorry! i haven't been putting the taglist for the last 2 chapters. but you can reach it through the masterlist. hopefully i will remember it from now on.

You woke up about an hour later, sitting peacefully on the bench with Andrew. It was night out, and hardly anyone was walking outside except the few who came out to refill their bottle or take a breather. 

“Are you awake?” You hummed, still not wanting to go back in again despite having an hour's break. “Shouldn’t you at least finish the last half hour of training? I know Clint came out a few times looking for you, even though he didn’t say anything.” 

You stretched your limbs, resigning to the fate that you have to head back in. You used to take this opportunity to see Nat when she came to see Clint each week. You no longer feel the spark of interest you had when you first joined Archery. Now, it’s more of a mandatory thing than something you look forward to every week. 

With a clap of your hands, you stood up from the bench and headed back to range. Clint gave you a silent disappointed look before looking back at others. You ignored him and got back to your position to shoot the last few arrows before everyone called it a day. It was tough for everyone to have such a long training session when the minimum was 2.5 hours. Some come for the whole 5 hours in school, and this was practically twice that. 

He dropped you off at your door and passed you your archery bag. “Have a good night’s rest. I know you’re not staying long tomorrow, and you have a long way back.” You suggested to Andrew to head back to his room for some sleep as you were planning to stay behind to use the gym here tomorrow morning. Andrew has his basketball training session in the afternoon, which he has to get to; otherwise, he would have stayed and waited with you. 

“How are you going to head back though?” 

“I’ll figure something out.” He nodded before saying goodbye to your friends in the same room and left. 

“You two are in your honeymoon phase.” Your friend was stating the fact without any malic when she saw how lovey-dovey you were with him. You didn’t have anything to defend or deny as you knew this was how you and Nat started. Always next to each other, texting one another, until you saw disagreements that were too hard to settle.

“Have you ever been in a relationship?” You asked. She shook her head, and you just smiled. This was what you felt before you fell in love with Nat. Those couples that over-display affection was interesting to you. You never understood why they were always in each other’s space. But ever since with Nat, every little thought brings you back to her. It may not even be something she liked, but you wanted to share everything with her, the little things that made you happy such as seeing a cat on your way to work or a nice dress that you saw someone wearing.

“You’ll understand when you get one.” 

===

In the morning, you woke up in time to have breakfast before seeing Andrew off. You decided that since there were still 3 hours before checkout, you’d pack your bags, leaving out the things you require for your gym session. 

You were slightly self-conscious entering the gym, not because you weren’t confident in your own body, but because you were a gym noob. This was the first time you entered the gym alone, without anyone guiding you. You weren’t sure if you were going to use the equipment correctly or if you were hogging the equipment that someone was planning to use. 

You liked to stand in the corner with your weights, surveying everyone through the mirror. No one was going to use your weights, right? You were using the lightest one available, and most gym goers use the medium to heavy weights or the other machines. But either way, your mind was louder than the music in your ears, and you eventually left the gym after an hour of workout. 

“Didn’t think I'd see you here.” You lift your head to see Natasha looking at you. She was heading to the gym, the one who taught you gym basics. You ignored her and continued making your way to your room. “We have to be around each other, and you can’t keep ignoring me.” That made you stop walking and look around. You didn’t see anyone, so there was no point putting up an act to acknowledge her. 

“Hey, Y/N! You went to the gym too?” Suddenly Maria came out of nowhere, and you just smiled and nodded. “We are about to head to the gym too. Nat needs to get over her hangover, and she’s offering to guide me on what to do.” 

“Have a nice time. I’m sure you’re going to learn a lot.” You turned to leave, but Natasha called you once again.  

“How are you going back? I heard from Clint that Andrew left in the morning.” You had the intense feeling to give her a sarcastic comment, but you held back since Maria was here. 

“I can figure it out. I’ll take a bus or Uber if I feel like I’m rich.” You shrugged your shoulders before finally leaving. 

Your friends were doing their final packing as you entered the room. Since they were staying in the dorm, they were heading back together. You begged them to bring your bow bag with them and place it in the school locker because there was no way you were going to be carrying that heavy ass bag alone. 

As the logistic director of the archery team, you was designated to collect everyone’s keycard to return to the front desk after making sure everyone returned it. The only ones remaining were part of the executive committee. Since everyone was here, they decided to hold a quick meeting regarding the upcoming tournament. For your part, you have to get everything ready for the captain, such as the toolbox and first aid kit. 

This was the first tournament you were going to be participating in. Not exactly the first, but the first in this version of this life. Before this, you used to only head to the tournament to cheer them on, even though it starts really early and is held more than an hour away from your home. 

In actual fact, it has been a long time since you participated in any tournament. The atmosphere of hearing and seeing forty people shoot all at the time was something you were unable to find anywhere else. 

Once everything was settled, everyone was free to leave. Some already had a car and drove here, but they stayed in a different direction than you. Just as you were deciding how you were going to head back, your phone received a message. 

Gave you some money for an Uber back home :) 

It was Andrew. Before you could reply, he sent another message. 

I know you can well afford this, but you don’t have to save money every way you can. Plus, I want you to have a comfortable ride home. 

A smile plastered your face when you read his text. You didn’t think he remembered when you said you were trying to get a head start above everyone else in terms of earning money and getting a job because your parents were significantly older compared to your peer’s parents. As the only child, the burden of taking care of your parents falls on you. As much as they tried preparing for their retirement, the rising cost of living and inflation stresses you out. 

Thanks. How about we meet for lunch? I can pay it back to you then. My treat. 

Sure. I’ll hold you to it.

You picked up your bag, getting ready to leave and say goodbye to the group when Clint came forward to talk to you. You resisted rolling your eyes, not knowing what he was trying to talk to you about. 

“Look, I… you’re improving a lot, and I believe you will do well in the competition. I have never seen someone improve as quickly as you. Someone such as you in the novice section would do very well.” 

“Thank you. But I wouldn’t put too much faith in myself. There are others out there that do amazing as well.” 

“Have a good rest. I know training was tough, especially yesterday.” 

You nodded before giving him a small wave and pointing to the back, suggesting you were leaving this place and the conversation. 

===

A few days later

You brought your family out for lunch since their work gets quieter during the year-end. You brought them to a ramen place your future self found and thought it would be nice to introduce them to if they were still around. It also has a mall nearby to shop around if they like to do so. 

As long as the shop sells spicy ramen, you know what you’re going to order for your father. However, your taste buds and stomach were like children at times, more often choosing to share with your mother as you may not be able to finish the food yourself and not want to waste any. 

“Do you want the corn or pork option?” You asked your mother for her opinion. 

“I don’t mind; either is fine.” 

Such a tough decision. Ultimately, you decided on the ramen that includes corn since you were going to order gyoza as a side dish. 

As you were eating, your phone started receiving a lot of messages. You took a peek at what was happening from your lock screen and noticed it came from Camellia and Diana. They seemed really excited at what they were discussing, so you took a break from eating and checked your phone. 

C: Guys, guys, the results are out!!

D: Really?

C: Yeah, my friend checked hers

D: Ok, ok, I’m going to check.

OMG… I’m so nervous

C: Me too! I totally forgot what was on the test, though. 

You would love to check your results too, but you preferred using your laptop to check instead. And you would like to get your emotions in check before getting your results. This part of the test always freaks you out more than taking the actual test itself. You took a few deep breaths before putting your phone down and resumed eating again. It isn’t uncommon for you to feel irritated after looking at your phone, so your parents don’t think too much about it. 

You’ve always wanted to get those high-cut Converse, and you took this chance on Christmas sales to get one. You could have gotten it after you started working, but you felt it was too casual even though people wore them. You couldn’t lie, you were tempted though, but your morals stopped you. 

You tried different designs of shoes, so while waiting for the store assistant to get one in your size, you went out to tell your father he could wait somewhere else or in a pub, drinking his beer. He isn’t one to shop for a very long time. You got your mother’s opinion as you walked up and down, trying to get comfortable in the shoes. Ultimately, you decided on one and paid for it as your mother texted your father to meet at the car in order to head home. 

Once you get home, you quickly open your laptop and log into your school email account to check for your results. You felt your heart beating out of your chest, and your hands shook as you typed in your details. The more you felt you could do well, the more nervous you were especially since you have gone through one round of this

So, when you saw you only received a B grade for all of your subjects, your body slumped back down on your chair in a daze. You had a hard time registering how badly you did. How was this even possible? 

You really wanted to excel in this life and get rid of always being the average person in the class. But, even with this second chance, you’re stuck with that title; how was this fair? 

A B grade generally isn’t bad, but it is when that’s all you get. Were you only capable of getting a B?

You checked the email one more time before going to the official application and saw the same results. You resigned to fate and closed your laptop after that. 

After seeing the sad news, a nice day out with your family has ended badly. Thankfully your friends weren’t the type to ask to share results, so you flopped onto your bed and went to sleep. 

That was the first time in forever you let a tear slip because of your grade. 

===

“Hey Nat! Have you checked your results?” Clint asked when he realised today’s date. 

“No, is it today?” She pulled out her phone and checked her calendar. 

“Yeah! Hurry up and check it so I can gauge what I got!” He rushed her, giving her his phone with the login page ready for her. Maria, who was having lunch with them, also went to check her results using her phone more peacefully than her friends. 

“What’s the rush? Not like your results will change if I check now or later.” Despite saying that, Nat accepted his phone and checked her results to give her friend peace of mind. It took a while for the page to load, but she got there eventually. Happy with her result, she returned the phone to Clint without saying anything. 

“Holy shit! An A for everything!?” Clint exclaimed when he saw Nat’s results. Nat smirked at his response. She was confident that she was going to ace her exams. Law test was more practical in that sense; whatever she did in her career could be used in the exams. Unlike yours, you specialise more in the audit side, which was not tested.  The diners at the restaurant turned to look at them for a moment when he shouted. “What about you, Maria?” 

“Aced it too.”

“Right, right. So I should do well too, right?” Clint asked tentatively as he logged in with his details. Both women looked at each other sceptically, knowing he was not the brightest student in the class. 

“Well, I don’t know, Clint.” Maria sighed. “Who was the one who had to remind you a test was coming up?” 

“Nat?” 

“Who was the one who had to help you when you were doing your group project?” Maria continued asking. 

“Nat...” 

“Who was the one who had to give you their notes when you weren’t listening in class?” 

“Nat. Okay, okay… I get it. My grades aren’t going to be that good.” Clint grumbled as he waited for the page to load. Nat and Maria crossed their arms and stared at him as they waited. Sensing their stares, Clint turned his body away and shielded his phone from their prying eyes. “Alright, I got it. Not that good, but good enough.” He informed them as he pocketed his phone. 

“You’re not going to tell us what you get?” Maria asked. “How’s that fair? We both told you our results.”

“You told me willingly. I didn’t force it out of you.” Clint defended. 

“I got it.” Nat’s phone displayed Clint’s results, and Maria moved at the speed of lightning to grab it before Clint could even react. 

“How?!?” Clint looked at Nat, feeling betrayed. 

“Do you really want to know?” Nat raised her eyebrow. “I memorised your school ID since I always submitted the work. And your password is so easy to decipher. For the sake of god, find something else.” 

“Maria! That’s enough, give me my phone back.” She decided that it was enough of teasing Clint. “You didn’t do too badly. Just one B and one B+, and three As.”

“But it pales in comparison to the both of you.” 

“Why don’t we invite the others to the bar? Celebrate our results and drown in sorrow that the holiday is ending.” Maria suggested. 

“Alright, let me just text someone.” Maria nodded and went ahead with Clint to the bar they often visited with the group. 

Nat unlocked her phone and was about to press on your contact when she remembered you wanted nothing to do with her. She wanted to know how you were doing. On the surface, you always looked like you were okay with your results, shrugging your shoulders and waving it off, but she knew you cared a lot more and wanted a lot more. In the end, she closed her phone and went to the bar. 

Series masterlist

@queen-of-chaotic-surprises @esposadejoyhuerta @gemz5 @natsxwife

@dyslexic-dreamer @unexpected-character @eternalnight410

@leenasayeed @oh-thats-sad @skz-xii @gay-frogs-dancing-around

@justspance

[kinetic-elaboration]

May 16: Daria/Jane, Kiss

Daria/Jane, ~900 words, ~35 minutes

In the same 'verse as this fic, but it also takes place before so like, post-canon, basically. This was inspired by a comment from/conversation with @riotsquirrrl on that fic about how D and J might have gotten together. I really liked it, so I decided to play around with it.

How can it be that Daria thinks it's cold enough for snow and yet Jane's not wearing anything as heavy as a real jacket? It's because Daria is from the South and doesn't understand what cold is or what almost-snow feels like either. So.

*

The forecast says snow flurries but the air feels like incipient heavy snow, as bitter-cold as it is when Daria opens the door and steps outside. These are the last flickering days of the year, the in-between time, the neighborhood dark by 5pm and illuminated only by streetlights. She stands in the cone of light from the Morgendorffer's front-door light and shrugs her shoulders up toward her ears, crosses her arms against her chest, and Jane pulls the sleeves of her red BFAC sweatshirt all the way over her hands.

She'd volunteered to walk Jane out but not all the way home, so there's no reason now to linger out here in the cold, breathing out faint misting gray breaths, thinking about how it won't really snow, not in Lawndale in December. It never has.

But Jane just shifts her weight from one foot to the other, glances out in the direction of the sidewalk and then back. "Hey--so." She mimics Daria's posture, crossed arms to hold in body heat. "Thanks for letting me hang out all night and avoid my house."

"Thank you for distracting me from having to spend time alone with my family." A half-joke, and Jane half-smiles at it. They're not so bad, really. She's just not so used to being home, as if she'd traveled back from Boston in a time machine and now she's in high school again, Quinn telling stories about the same teachers, the same gossip, the same football team. As if Daria's four months at Raft never happened. As if time had shifted in some jarring, abrupt way, but only for her. Only somewhere in her body, in her consciousness.

"Could be worse," Jane answers. Could be her place. Wind's moved back in, half-taken over. Trent won't last the year with him, though he hasn't admitted it yet. And Jane's mom has been away for six months now, the sort of absence that must make even Jane wonder if she'll ever come back, and as far as Daria has ever been tell, Mr. Lane has never really lived there at all.

Maybe familiarity is better. At least she has somewhere to come home to.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" she asks. She means it as a lifeline but selfishly, too.

Jane shrugs. "Sleeping. Painting."

"Busy schedule. Do you think you can find time for pizza?"

"I might be able to pencil that in." The corner of one side of her mouth lifts up again, a smirk but, because it's just them alone, there's softness to it. "I should go."

"Yeah."

For a while now, maybe a couple of months, Jane's been in the habit of kissing Daria on the cheek when they part ways. The reason why has never been obvious, and Daria has stopped trying to remember quite when it started, or what she thought of it then. Maybe Jane does it because separating always feels so much more weighty now, when they won't see each other for days or possibly weeks, instead of hours. Maybe the gesture comes from how much more often they touch, now: jostled together on the subway; falling asleep in each other's dorms; leaning on each other sometimes, when they study side by side in the same bed. Or maybe it's an art school thing, or just part of Jane changing and growing, in some more abrupt or sudden or meaningful way than she did in high school--some change in her that somehow Daria can't see in its entirety or fully understand.

She likes it, though, this new sort of ritual. Never knows how to respond, never initiates, but likes it. When Jane doesn't do it, she always thinks, well that's over now, and then is pleasantly surprised when the habit picks itself up again. Last time, she reached out after and squeezed Jane's arm, just before they parted at the train station in Boston, which was her attempt at speaking the same language back.

But this is Lawndale and it's different here. They're nineteen; they're fifteen; the world is very small, the neighborhood familiar even in the darkness. Flakes of snow too light to even count as flurries are getting caught in Jane's hair.

Somewhere in the direction of the neighbor's lawn, some sound like the movements of an aggressive squirrel rattles through the stillness. "I'll see you tomorrow," Jane says, and Daria turns away from the noise just as Jane leans in to kiss her cheek, and the kiss lands on the side of Daria's mouth instead.

She turns very slightly to her left, like a correction, but doesn't otherwise move. Doesn't pull back, doesn't press forward.

Interesting.

Jane steps back again, blinks a few times; her eyes are unusually wide. "Sorry about that," she says.

Daria shakes her head. "Don't be."

And then Jane's shoulders fall back down, and she laughs like she's letting out some coiled-up nerves. "All right. Tomorrow, then."

"I'll stop by."

Maybe she should be doing something else now, saying something else. Jane leans in one more time and this time kisses her cheek, like she'd meant to, and then she sticks her hands in the front pocket of her hoodie and starts off down the front walk. Daria stays outside and watches her, moving in and out of the brightest lights, until she disappears at last down the street.

[daffi-990]

WIP Wednesday 📝

Tagged by @jamespearce9-1-1 & @thewolvesof1998

All the love for my last snippet from my Fantasy AU got the writing beans going and I got 2K written for it today ☺️.

A lot of you were so curious what happened to Bobby, so here is a snippet that explains things a bit. It’s set before the prev snippet I shared. I wrote this on the notes app of my phone and it’s a rough first draft so hopefully it reads well and makes sense. I really really wanted to share the whole 2K I wrote today because this girl loves validation, but I restrained myself so enjoy this long snippet instead xx

A pained groan from their right has Eddie shooting up quickly and moving towards-

“Bobby!” Buck is scrambling to his feet, feeling a bit like a newborn baby deer on wobbly legs as he closes the distance between them. He falls to his knees besides Eddie, who is helping Bobby sit up against a large rock. The arrow sticking out of Bobby’s side is surrounded by a sea of red that has spread across Bobby’s shirt. Eddie rips the fabric of the shirt open to reveal the entry wound, the smell of blood flooding Buck’s nose causing bile to rise in his throat that he quickly swallows back down.

“Shit.” Eddie hisses as he inspects the wound carefully.

Bobby winces in pain. “Eddie, you need to go.” His voice comes out strained, breaths sounding heavy with exertion and Buck is fucking terrified. He can’t lose Bobby. He can’t he can’t he can’t.

Eddie stills his hands, lifting his head to meet Bobby’s eyes. “Bobby- ”

“More are coming and you can’t fight them off alone.”

“I can fight.” Buck says with determination. Bobby made sure Buck was skilled in combat, and now Buck understands why. The soldiers hunting them aren’t going to stop if they best him. No, they’ll go for the killing blow. They’re battle hungry and fighting for a cause that they truly believe in, and that’s what makes them so dangerous, not the weapons or magic they’re wielding, though that certainly doesn’t help. Buck won’t deny that he’s scared, but he will not stand back and do nothing. “Bobby, I can fight. Let me protect you.” He pleads, blinking away the tears that have been building in his eyes. They trickle down his face, feeling warm and heavy with with grief.

Bobby smiles sadly at him, Eddie getting to his feet and stepping back to give them some space. “I know you can, Buck.” His hand lands on Buck’s neck, thumb a comforting weight on the hinge of his jaw. “But there’s fifteen more armed soldiers coming and the two of you can’t fight that many, not with so much at risk.” He looks pointedly at Buck now and Buck wants to scream and yell at whatever deity dealt him these cards. He closes his eyes against the fresh onslaught of tears. “You need to go. Eddie will protect you and keep you safe.”

Buck shakes his head vehemently. “No, no I’m not leaving you.” He won’t leave Bobby here to die alone, he’ll die with him if it comes down to it. Bobby saved Buck all those years ago, has been saving him every day of his life just by existing and loving him, now it’s Buck’s turn to return the favour. He opens his eyes and meets Bobby’s with a new sense of determination. He is not leaving him.

Bobby looks over Buck’s shoulder and gives a small nod of his head before strong arms are wrapping around Buck and pulling him away.

“No! I’m not leaving you!” Buck fights against Eddie’s arms, thrashing and kicking out, desperately trying to get back to Bobby. He is not leaving him. “Bobby! Don’t do this! Dad!”

“May Elrus guide your soul, Robert Nash.” Eddie says, Buck feeling the vibrations from his voice along his back before Eddie tightens his arms around Buck and then the ground beneath his feet is gone, air whipping around them as they shoot into the sky.

Buck yells, clutching onto Eddie’s arms, stomach swooping like he’s on the drop of a rollercoaster. A strong gust of wind blows and sends them soaring through the air, the shape of Bobby growing smaller and smaller until Buck can no longer see him through the haze of tears freely falling from his eyes.

No pressure tagging: @hippolotamus @callmenewbie @spotsandsocks @wikiangela @watchyourbuck @exhuastedpigeon @malewifediaz @lover-of-mine @theotherbuckley @loserdiaz @wildlife4life @eddiebabygirldiaz @ladydorian05 @spagheddiediaz @fortheloveofbuddie @hoodie-buck @giddyupbuck @athenagranted @rainbow-nerdss @weewootruck @steadfastsaturnsrings @captain-hen @monsterrae1 @try-set-me-on-fire @the-likesofus @jesuisici33 @jeeyuns @devirnis @disasterbuckdiaz

[most-sane-tsukasa-fan]

Knight!Tsukasa x Royalty!Reader Romantic Headcanons

CW: Idk OOC? GN!Reader

Tsukasa had joined being one of the knights for reasons that may be personal... although catching feelings for the royal highness was certainly not one of them.

He wanted to become a soldier to protect his own little sister. Some incident happened when two men broke into their manor and intended to harm his family, almost losing Saki in the process.

From that day onward, he vowed the same wouldn't happen. He worked hard for his position, taking special fencing training and combat training before he even passed to be promoted as an official knight.

Being a knight wasn't even his plan, he just wanted to protect his sister, but as he got older he realized he wanted to protect the kingdom too.

Of course, being one of the youngest knights and still on the weaker side, he feels a bit inferior, though people around him seem to respect his abilities for his age, even catching the attention of one royal family member.

The royal [Name] took a liking to him, being the same age and having not much people to be around with, [Name] often finds themself hanging around Tsukasa often, thus making the knight feel appreciated but also a bit... odd.

Tsukasa was a lonely kid, sure he has a sister, although she spent her life being locked in her room and even stuck in the infirmary for having a fragile body.

He had some acquaintances too but they aren't so close to him. The closest he got to someone is Toya although he lives pretty far and he has to ride a carriage for 2 days to reach Tsukasa.

With the royal's attention on him, he felt like it's the greatest compliment. Even other knights noticed him like Akito, Mizuki, and so on because they could always see the two, no matter what time of the day it is, it's like they're attached by the hip.

Tsukasa didn't even notice how fixated he is with them, unconsciously trying to seem cooler and act all heroic or flamboyant with them with the simplest things such as fetching them water and picking them up bridal style, refusing to let them walk if the streets are wet because it'll dirty them he says.

He'd be dashing to tend to them even if he's in the middle of training and he would go on for months without noticing he's trying so hard to please [Name] until Akito points it out.

He couldn't help but get flustered looking back to the signs he gave... but his heart felt heavy.

Realizing this feeling and how complicated it would be, he understands his desires are unrealistic.

They're royalty, of course they're bound to be betrothed to someone royal as well, not some knight that works for them, that would be like marrying your own boss.

For a while he pushed down this feeling, he noticably became more distant... although it seems that no matter what he does, he always finds himself passing by them and looking for them.

It's really weighing on him, it's even worse when they actually get arranged to be married with another heir from another kingdom... although that's an 'if' situation

Other knights finds Tsukasa spacing out and whenever they point it out he just goes back to he boisterous nature as if trying to act natural.

The thought filling his mind occasionally got him messing up on his trainings, so he figured maybe some weight will be lifted off his shoulders if he just... tells them casually.

And so he asked [Name] to meet him at their usual spot for a quick word before he'll go back to his training, figuring now is the best time while they're still not occupied.

He took a deep breath, feeling his usual confidence faltering a bit as he really did try to be casual with his confession, although it only end up with him pouring his heart out like it's a poetry, stammering over his words just a little as his eyes kept darting around the place.

"Your high- [Name]... I know this might not be something you're expecting to hear or even want to hear but it has been keeping me up several nights now. I... like you... as in 'like-like' you... I hate to say it but this is immature on my end knowing that the two of us wouldn't work. But it feels heavy to not tell you that I desire you, I desire to be around you that even death couldn't do us part. But it seems the world has different plans for the both of us and this burden of a thought is running through my head endlessly. I don't expect you to reciprocate or respond-"

He was cut off by [Name] as they placed a finger over his lips before speaking themself

"I feel the same"

Tsukasa felt absolutely over the moon hearing that, he couldn't suppress the smile growing on his face, his eyes lit up like stars in the sky.

As happy as he is, there's one problem; getting in a relationship with them.

Now that it isn't unknown the two of them feel the same for each other, of course the two would want to date.

But also of course, they can't date that easily or else they would get in a scandal.

Tsukasa and [Name] would at least keep it a secret, and thank goodness because Tsukasa has a talent for acting, he could just act like the usual without even mentioning a thing.

This 'secret' would be kept for a long run with them passing subtle loving glances at each other and on nights they meet up in [Name]'s room when no one is around to spot Tsukasa walking in.

Tsukasa would be the sweetest knight boyfriend, of course his love language being words of affirmation and quality time, you'd expect him declaring his love for [Name] like it's his wedding vow whenever they're alone as the two held each other.

What the two of them wouldn't notice though is that they are also somewhat obvious even in public places.

Either two of you flustering the other, saying subtle flirty jokes or cheesy pick-up lines, and what's the most obvious is that there is now barely a moment where others in the palace could catch you two not being together other then when Tsukasa has to come home back to his family on his day off.

What you so call 'secret' is actually quite noticable to almost everyone who got half a brain that you two have an interest for each other

But, all in all, Tsukasa is happy is ended up like this. Don't get me wrong, he's also worried, but he can't help the ecstasy he feels knowing he has you and you have him. He really is your loving knight.

"I'm sorry... I don't feel the same" (alternate ending)

Tsukasa could feel his heart sink, that same sinking feeling he felt when he still carries the burdening thought... somehow it only felt heavier rather than lifting a weight off his shoulders.

It felt horrible, like something important was ripped from him and he can't get it back.

He could only nod before walking off... of course he knows he'd later regret it for walking out on them, but he just want to get out of there before it hurts even more just by looking at their eyes.

After this he's... pretty much the same, at least that's what everyone thinks

He has put up this loud persona for so long, it just felt natural for him to cover up what he truly feels by using it over and over until he'll be exhausted.

He finds himself now avoiding [Name], seeking company from just the trees when he goes on walks now alone and not with you, occasionally with Akito when the two of them are at their day off.

He doesn't talk to anyone about it, although people did notice something different like Rui, he's a pretty intuitive man but Tsukasa somehow managed to dodge all questions.

Of course he won't let something like this ruin his whole self, he still has more things to focus on like his duties, and this awkward event certainly doesn't mean he doesn't talk to [Name] anymore.

He talks to them, just not as much anymore... he acts like everything is the same when really, a lot has changed.

He'll learned to move on pretty quickly and got back up on his feet, even if sometimes he still sees them in his dreams, even his imaginations.

No worries, he doesn't feel any resentment or negatively. After all, it was the response he expected... he just wasn't expecting it would hit him that painfully.

[werdlewrites]

Season of the Witch: Allumage

Chapter Thirty-five: We're Not Alone Here Season Finale!

masterlist-about-ao3-twitter @ djomamma

It's all come down to this! I'm truly grateful for literally any attention this story has received. I've worked hard on it, and while I may never be the best writer, I do deeply enjoy creating new worlds or thinking about the "what if's." Please feel free to follow my Twitter for bullshit, and writing updates (I may also post them here)

Season 2 is already in the works, and I've been contemplating some ideas for other stories. Thank you to @fictionfantom @katiemcrae and @starsforviolet for always being so kind.

summary: A cell filled with shame and guilt holds him hostage, replaying constant reminders of only just this morning. He’s accepted his faults and lets himself become buried in it. Knowing he didn’t deserve the key to open the doors, even though he wished to try. Steve can’t allow himself to hope for Autumn’s comfort - lifting away his grief. Glancing at her to see she’s fully looked away, staring mindlessly out the front window adorning sheer curtains. “Hm,” she hums, cheek tucked away between teeth. He knows that look - that response. It’s a mixture of disapproval, and relief to get the truth. A concoction to leave her in a state of confusion, and silent as she mulls it all over. “Can I ask you a question, now?” warnings: STEVE, STEVE (being a lil pervy.) Moments of soft things. Tension. ptsd flashbacks? Blood, character being drugged, use of gun. It's all poppin' off here my dudes. wc: 8,497

He stands in the halo of light, having taken a few steps back from the door to give an old friend the space she needed. In case she chose to cast him out, or assault him with words left buried from old pain. But there’s something else, isn’t there? Bursting through the front door as screams of helplessness rattled the foundation of the Byers home. She’s just beneath the window, gasping for air and visibly pained - unaware the monster was moving in on its prey. The boy acts before he thinks - the bat held in a tight grip as nails pierce its skin. She was safe then, and even after in his care while others stood in the background, fear shackling them to the floor. He wonders if she remembers that even after his failure as a friend, he would still fight for her. Take another verbal lashing from his social group if it meant she could find some form of peace. But her reaction isn’t entirely what he expects. There’s a small smile of amusement on his lips as he takes in her sleep shirt, hung down to her knees with E.T stitched into the front. Hair still damp with eyes blown wide in shock. “Nice shirt,” he comments, nodding in her direction. The compliment is slow to sink in, gears stuck as they tried to understand what was happening. Autumn leans out the door, head turning every which way in suspicion if he had come alone. Yet nothing but vacant cars lingered in the night, including his own parked just across the street. “Thanks. W-What are you doing here?”

Hands fall to hips, cocked to the side as he tries to force a look of relaxation - though he feels awkward, and under a heavy spotlight full of judgment. A huff of air passes aching lips. “Oh, well.. I was just in the neighborhood,” he offers with a crooked smile. Steve thinks he looks casual, and she doesn’t seem to buy it with the raise of a brow. The boy easily caves under her stare. “Okay, look,” he begins, hands now held out before him as the truth spills forward. “Today was fucked up. Like, so far beyond fucked up.” Her expression seems to ease, eyeing him up and down with every uncomfortable shift in his stance. “And you scared the shit out of me, so. Sue me.” Tired eyes soften, letting her weight fall against the frame with a heavy sigh in a sore chest. The boy refuses to meet her gaze, waiting for the rejection to hit the pavement. Meanwhile, her thoughts are spinning. “Shouldn’t - shouldn’t you be with Nance?” “I was, yeah,” he replies, hand reaching to rest over an aching neck from the sudden stress he endured. “I took her home. But she said she just..really wanted some time alone, y’know?” The teen doesn’t say anything at first, thoughts shifting to the girl with a broken heart, yet strength in her hands as she unleashes her anger on the creature. Revenge fueled her through the battle, only to dissipate in the quiet as reality sinks deep. “I just thought that maybe-” He teeters back and forth, bruised skin slipping between teeth as he reconsiders his offer - too fearful of the uncertain outcome. But how was he meant to go back home, pretending life was fine and the small group hadn’t witnessed hell reaching through their town. Nancy had her family, and so did Jonathan. But the two lost souls had nowhere else to turn. Who else could understand?

“Maybe I could keep you company. Maybe we could keep each other company. I don’t really know how well I can sleep after all of that,” he finishes with a laugh, face hot and chest pounding from the discomfort for taking that large step forward into once familiar territory. And he sees her gaze shift, biting at her cheeks as she ponders in silence. It only adds to the fire burning up his insides, bile threatening to rise up from the depths. Heart shaped lips part to take it all back - to wish her a goodnight as he slumps down the path. But she’s made up her mind, and to his surprise, she steps to the side for access into the lonely home. His movements are timid. Head ducking low to give his thanks as he shuffles across the threshold. It’s just as he remembers - not a single thing shifted or out of place, all routine and cozy. Until the clearing of her throat is heard, guiding attention back in her direction to see her gaze shifting between him and his shoes on freshly cleaned carpet. “Oh, shit,” Steve mumbles, frantically ripping them from his feet. He tries to spare an apologetic look, though distracted by the goosebumps to dance along bare legs. “Aren’t you cold? It’s almost December.” She wears a look of disbelief, a hint of amusement on her lips. “Really? You want t���talk about the weather?” A snort escapes without warning, laying free sneakers with the collection of shoes. “No, not really.”

Her back nestles against the door, stuck and unable to move forward - to live as if this were normal. To accept all that’s happened and push through this discomfort between the two, in hopes to make it easier. Steve seems to notice, placing hands on his sides once more to ask, “You hungry?” Lips pull into a frown as her mind runs the course of memories - when had she last had a proper meal? The sweets he purchased were already fading to leave a void in the pit of her stomach, seeking something - anything. “Starving,” she admits with a huff of laughter, finally pulling herself away from the surface to linger nearby. He claps his hands once, biting at his lower lip before moving through the Reid home, knowing its layout like the back of his hand. “Let’s see what we’ve got, shall we?” “Steve-” she tries to chime in, scoffing as the boy waves her off to pull open the refrigerator doors. It’s like every time before. Riding his bike or taking his car through rain or shine just to bother her - to sift through groceries and devour them as if it were a second home. He used to ask with a polite tone as a child, but with comfort came confidence. Waving at her father in total ignorance as he swallowed another handful of Boo Berry cereal. “Aha!” he cries out in excitement, staring deep into the freezer and rummaging for a neon yellow bag, holding it up in victory. “Pizza rolls!” The doors close and he flips the bag back and forth in his hands, eyes now on her. “Now the only question here is.. Do you want fast food or can you wait like, twenty minutes?” His brow is raised, waiting for her response and finds any nerves he felt prior drift out the window, taking in the smile on her face. “You have that memorized?”

A small frown etches over his features, flipping the bag to study small words with care. “Ten t’sixteen minutes. Whatever, I was close. Now sit your butt down, and let the chef work his magic.”

Autumn can’t fight the roll of her eyes, arms crossed as she moves into the den where they had spent countless hours in. Her exhausted body sinking deep into the sofa, with blankets pulled to rest over her lap. At first, the teen does nothing. Merely watching as the boy digs through cupboards for a pan and sheet to cook on, mumbling something incoherent to himself. Watching his back easily becomes tiring, opting to scan through channels on the television with head resting in her palm. The pictures flash carelessly - too impatient to linger for longer than a few seconds for something to catch her interest. It’s a mindless action - something to consume time and fill her mind with something more than just frightful memories. “Wait, wait,” Steve speaks up, appearing at her side with such stealth she had no idea he was even there. “Go back.” He demands in a soft tone, eyes never leaving the bright screen buried in the dim lighting of the room. The girls face twists in confusion, though doesn’t ask or hesitate to go to the previous channel. Roy Scheider stands disheveled on a beach, the waves crashing up against the shore as seagulls fly high above. “No shit,” Steve blurts out, lips turning upward into a smile while he hastily moves across her sight. “Make room! This is where it gets good,” he grunts as his body collapses into the couch, oblivious to her look of amusement. “It’s the beginning.” “Yeah, exactly.” With the shake of her head and a smile locked in place, she turns the volume up and lets the remote sit between them. She wonders how long it’s been since he last sat here. Since the two of them saw Jaws for the first time, eyes wide in wonder and racing hearts beating in their chests.

Things were different, then. They sat side by side with a bowl of popcorn shared between the two, her father peering in to check on them - not interested in watching it again as it had been out for years. Only now, they were old enough to endure the gruesome details. It’s almost like before. There’s a respectful distance, eyes lighting up with excitement as he watches the scenes unfold. Any commentary remains unspoken, merely basking in the company no matter if it left their fingers curling with tension. But the oven dings, and the two have their own plates. Mouths full and sparing small glances to the other party, overthinking every gesture and what to say. It goes on like this for what seems like forever. Dishes empty and in the sink, her eyes heavy with sleep and barely processing every scream of fear that booms through the box. Suddenly, it all goes dark - a startling act that has her lungs filling with a gasp. “I think it’s time for me t’go,” the boy says, a kind smile hidden in the shadows as he looks to the tired girl, all twisted up in her blanket. It dawns on her then - the inevitable loneliness. Her father had yet to come through the door, and Steve would soon drift away into the night. “Oh,”

Autumn doesn’t know what to say. Mind now alarmingly awake as thoughts race, crashing off of the track to burn. She had met evil. Teeth caught in the flickering light as it tried to tear her down. She could see it in every reflection, along with someone she couldn’t recognize in the chaos. A girl with a mind tearing itself wide open for the unknown to creep through. And in the oncoming silence, it’s a reality she’ll be forced to face. No more distractions to keep her standing tall. “What?” he chuckles. “Nothing.” The boy faces forward, hands clasped between denim clad knees as he mulls it all over, lips pursed before turning back. “I don’t have t’go. I just - I didn’t want to-” “D’you think Nancy would mind?” He sits in surprise, clearly caught off guard by the suggestion. The girl at his side seems equally shocked by her own words as a hand lays over her eyes, embarrassed. “No,” is his quick response. Hoping to ease down the tension. “No, I don’t think she would care. She seems t’like you more than me right now,” he ends in a laugh, watching as that hand falls to peek over the edge, inspecting him for any hint of a lie. But before she’s able to give in, something unexpected passes her lips - something he never truly gave clarity on many hours prior. “What did you do?” At first, he doesn’t seem to catch on - brows furrowed and waiting for more of an explanation. “This morning. I asked why Jonathan hit you.” The words are heavy, tying around ankles like rope to drag him back into the past - skin freshly cut and jaw aching. The hurt in ocean eyes is ever present, a reminder of what a piece of shit he was and still is. "I saw them together," he begins with a sigh. "Nancy and him. I tried t'talk t'you about it, remember? At that diner." There's remorse in his heart and it's heard on his tongue, a shameful gaze avoiding the girl's stare as she too drifts to a time before - when she turned her back on a boy seeking closure. "I don't blame you for leaving. I haven't done shit t'earn your trust back." Autumn can see him no matter the lack of light, watching hands rub together and the hesitation as he prepares for a nasty confession. An admission of guilt that tastes like blood and something rotting. "I didn't do right by her, either. I just - I felt so alone, y'know? Doesn't make it right, but it made me stupid." Steve leans up against the sofa again, fingers gripping at the armrest in anticipation for the verbal lashing. "I let Tommy write shit about her. He graffitied walls, signs - whatever he wanted. I never did it, but I didn't stop him, either."

Fingers fidget and he watches them mindlessly, carving out every detail from a painful memory he wanted to forget. But it's the story to change him - to shift the tides. Bringing him back to the person he was before. "Jonathan was just tryin’ t’help her. I was angry, hurting. I - I just,” “Just?” She chimes in. Voice quiet, nearly drowned out by the heavy words on his lips. But he hears her. Sees her now with arms crossed over E.T, tired eyes locked on him with an unreadable expression. “I wanted him t’hurt like me. I said horrible shit about him, and his family.” Hands fall to rest in his lap, attention pulled away to watch them pick at nails. A cell filled with shame and guilt holds him hostage, replaying constant reminders of only just this morning. He’s accepted his faults and lets himself become buried in it. Knowing he didn’t deserve the key to open the doors, even though he wished to try. Steve can’t allow himself to hope for Autumn’s comfort - lifting away his grief. Glancing at her to see she’s fully looked away, staring mindlessly out the front window adorning sheer curtains. “Hm,” she hums, cheek tucked away between teeth. He knows that look - that response. It’s a mixture of disapproval, and relief to get the truth. A concoction to leave her in a state of confusion, and silent as she mulls it all over. “Can I ask you a question, now?” Something new arises - a nervousness as she looks his way.

“I’m not stupid - well, I’m not that stupid. I got the scoop, yeah? Monsters, illegal lab shit, the Upside Down - whatever.” He’s more animated now - finding freedom with the lack of lecture he was so sure to get. His body twists, one leg curled up onto the couch to face her head on. “I know you. It wasn’t your bullshit ‘natural instincts’” He doesn’t see the way her arms tighten in their hold, shielding herself from his accusations - pulling deeper, hiding further out of sight. Autumn seeks to keep her reality safe by avoiding the issue head on. Steve doesn’t let up.”Y-you just-” he takes pause, snapping his fingers as they come crashing down against the cushion. “It was like..you could see it. Like you saw it before we even could.”

“What is it?” her friend asks, eyes filled with concern as he watches panic fuel her actions. “Somewhere - I don’t know. Not here, but somewhere. Almost like,” there’s a heavy pause with eyes looking towards the window covered in papers - waiting for a silhouette to just pass by it. “hunting. Hunting prey.” “Prey?”

A heavy exhale floods through her nose, averting her gaze once more to avoid his inquisitive stare. Nails digging a little deeper into the flesh of her arms - remembering the feeling of claws working their way through delicate flesh. She thinks of the constant ache as it followed her - not entirely there, but close enough to leave the hairs on the back of her neck standing. She would hold back her nightmares should anyone ask. But he was right - he did know her better than most. "D'you remember when we were kids? With the mirrors?" She shifts in place, knees easily pulled to her chest. "Seeing things that weren't always there." He remembers - of course he does. Sweet eyes filled with tears, sending her into panic before her dad came to get her for the day. The hurt seemed to fade out - making each day easier to endure until it was no longer thought of. "Of course I do. Are you telling me-?" "It's not that I saw it. Not then. It just felt..like you were being watched from every corner. Just something always at your back, y'know?" It's an action without thought - his body inching closer with head dipped low as if to keep a secret. "You've seen it before?" There's some hesitation - another sigh as she surrenders to glimmering eyes full of worry. Her arm is offered out on display, letting him study the mix of colors and fading scabs beneath the heavy night. It’s barely enough to see - but he squints and leans in closer, taking her wrist between his fingers. She ignores the twitch of muscles and the grip tightening ever so slightly, now understanding the meaning behind it all. “You’re serious.” It’s a statement, not a hint of question in his tone. The girl nods in response, though she’s unsure if he takes note. “I found it by accident,” Autumn snorts. But this feigned confidence doesn’t seem to last - lips falling to lay flat, deadpanned as its image flashes before her sight. “Or maybe it found me.”

Steve is left in silence - mind filled with every question and thought, creating a blockade somewhere in the traffic so nothing could slip through. He can only stare, letting her hand slip from his hold as she rips the blankets from now warmed legs. “M’tired.” That was it. She was done with the subject - letting mysteries of the universe evade her grasp, surrendering to long awaited comforts after a long day. A long week for that matter. It all was another problem for another day - or never. “I’m going t’bed,” she states, standing with hands stretched high above her head, letting an aching spine crack in satisfaction. A golden colored gaze is cast away out of politeness - seeing the fabric rise just higher over bare thighs. Though he catches the outline of shorts in the beam of light from the hallway above, saying a silent prayer to himself. “Steve?” “Huh? Y-yeah, what?” She seems quizzical - sparing a hard and long stare as her thumb gestures up the stairs, to which he immediately grabs at a throw pillow to adjust on the couch. “I can sleep here. Maybe stay up late and finish Jaws,” the boy teased. “Uh huh. And have my dad see you like that? I’m in deep enough shit as it is. Let’s go, before I change my mind.” She’s already halfway up the stairs by the time her words fully process. It’s not like they haven’t had sleepovers before. All naive with the night filled with blanket fortresses and board games. Things were different. She couldn’t stand him - and he doesn’t blame her. But maybe all it took was a life threatening encounter with an alien to loosely repair the string that once held them together. Steve is scrambling off of the couch and up the stairs - unwilling to hear the rejection, leaving the two of them alone with their nightmares as they parted.

He laughs awkwardly at her back, swallowing down the nerves like rocks lodged in his throat. All she can do is shake her head dismissively, pushing forward into her room where he stares with wide eyes. He’s mesmerized - studying with hands on his hips. It hadn’t been that long since his last time here - but things had clearly changed. Furniture pushed around to her satisfaction, growing bored by the same view every morning. More greenery in pots and books spilling out onto the floor - well used and no more room for storage. The door clicks shut and she moves around him with ease, digging through a closet in search of what Steve may need. “You’ve definitely expanded,” he says in awe. Leaning forward to investigate jewelry and crystals laid out on the desk. His attention catches sight of something not meant to be seen - something from the past. There’s a sensation to tug and rip at his insides, all twisted up in guilt and something warm like a summer glow. Polaroids decorate the surface of their time at a festival. Smiling and full of stupidity as he crammed a handful of cotton candy in her mouth. But they don’t stand out in the light like the ones pinned to her mirror. Jonathan took his place, even some of Will’s birthday stayed up, holding a cake up to his head for comparison. Steve wasn’t a cherished memory like them, but he wasn’t pushed into the darkness to be forgotten either. “Hey,” he breaks through the silence, a nervous chuckle rattling his chest as he fights through the discomfort of discovering secrets. “What’s goin’ on over here?”

The boy leans across her bed, one knee pushing himself forward while on both hands to study something delicate in her windowsill. A tall stand with a pastel globe just at the top, decorated in gold roses. It’s nearly overflowing with rings and gems, and he’s fighting the urge to pick one up for a better look. “Is this like, some sort of witchy thing?” He questions with a genuine smile. Looking back over his shoulder with intrigue, and some relief she wasn’t scowling at his behavior. She was, however, confused. Standing with blankets folded over arms, the girl lets out a snort before laying out blankets on the floor. Just as she always did with Jonathan. “It’s an ashtray I found at a garage sale.” “Oh.” Steve pulls back as she reaches across the same mattress for a pillow, pushing it into his chest. She doesn’t meet his gaze, instead pulling back her covers to slide inside - and he again, pretends to not notice the legs on display. He turns his back, hands squeezing at the pillow as he whispers to only himself, “Stupid. So stupid-” “What?” Or so he thought. “Nothing! Nothing, just - sore is all,” he excused with a lazy grin, hands fluffing his makeshift bed before he settled in place. Autumn accepts his response, falling back with a heavy sigh and eyes locked on a popcorn ceiling. The stare is long lasting, finding faces formed within patterns to stare back at her. Or the rows of teeth as they searched for a feast. A toy made from flesh and bone. The silence is deafening - memories of its scream bringing her heart rate up into her ears, thunderous and dismissive of blankets shuffling back and forth.

He searches for comfort. Body twisting each way and kicking out his feet until he finds something easy to rest in. His back stretches out along the blanket. Tall and pulling at sore vertebrae with hands tucked beneath his head. He doesn’t hear the creature now - not like her. He can only tumble over his own thoughts as he continues to soak in all that she’s filled her room with - including plants where a leaf hangs dangerously low over his face. He sees laundry - some hung up neatly in a dark closet, while others hang lazily over a hamper. Some things he can recognize - including a familiar patchy sweater. She had worn it for her birthday - he made fun of it then, saying it looked like carpet ripped up from the arcade. But it complimented her eyes, and she found security in its warmth. “Your birthday is comin’ up.” His voice breaks through the quiet - tilting his head her way as he notices the creak in her bed while she shifts. Their eyes meet halfway. Him blissful, in contrast to her more confused expression. “What?” “Your..birthday? I know when you get older, your memory goes, but-” he teases, letting out a huffed laugh as she falls back in the pile, groaning at his casual behavior. “What are we havin’?” He asks, a smile still shining on his face while she continues to push through the barrier of confusing feelings. “Cookies N’ Cream? Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good.” Autumn is suddenly up again, reaching for the light at her bedside to catapult them into darkness - to end his rambling. “Goodnight, Steve,” she offers with a sigh, wrapping herself in a cocoon he can no longer see. “Night, Autumn. Let me know if you need anything.”

He’s there - holding out his hand should she need to take it. To seek support after a long day uncovering the unholy beings. Someone to carry the weight she selfishly held onto. But Steve has his own baggage to work through. To unpack, organize and understand. Coming to terms with it all. So, buried beneath the night with only the moon to cast a gentle glow, she gives back. “You too, Steve.”

It takes too long to give in to the exhaustion. Eyes are heavy, body weak and aching with every breath. And yet..despite the comfort of soft pillows and warm blankets, they still toss back and forth. Despite the security they held silent praise for now that they weren’t alone, still left them looking to the corners in fear of what could linger. Steve wants to sleep - he’s tried. Eyes glancing to her bed, captured by the glow of midnight. He waits until her movement stops - until gentle breaths fill the shared space. The boy finally surrenders now knowing she felt safe enough to rest. Their gentle snores blend to create a lullaby to keep them locked away in a place of dreams. Or, something made from nothingness. Too far gone to create a world where everything they desired was merely at their fingertips. It was a dark curtain to embrace and weigh them down. An anchor in the abyss. Those chains begin to rattle and wear down. Rusted and shattering. It has the girl stretching out tall beneath covers, foot jumping back as it graces the cold metal of the frame. A light forces its way through closed eyes, prying them open little by little until the girl makes out a fuzzy reading in red; “4:09AM.” Autumn wants to groan - wants to get angry over a disrupted sleep. But the sound of blissful slumber just nearby keeps her still, and quiet. She lets her gaze wander - vision clearing slightly as knuckles rub against deprived eyes. And for a moment, she thinks it’s all an illusion - a trick of the mind as a glow creeps in through the barely opened door of her room. Dim, yet bright enough to pull her attention towards it.

They weren’t alone anymore.

Had her father recognized Steve’s car across the way? Would he be suspicious? Had he already seen through the break and found the sleeping boy on her floor? She could only imagine what he would say - if anything at all. She chooses not to wait until morning to find out. The blankets are pushed back and she’s cautiously tiptoeing across the way - avoiding long limbs and pausing as he mumbles in the quiet. She takes care in pulling the door back - letting her body act as a shield to cover his face from the light. And she’s left frozen for only a moment, struggling to take in the sight of his office door cracked open. The work and silenced phone calls made in this room were a well kept secret. She would ask, and he would answer, “It’s boring, really. Work documents, organizing shipments-” His words became mumbles as she lost interest. Until the girl began to consider the Dream Project tucked away in filing cabinets, leaving her to stare at the closed off room. In this moment, she doesn’t call out to him - listening for movement inside as she takes slow steps forward. He would hear her with the creak of the floorboards, yet he doesn't acknowledge his daughter's presence by hastily slamming the door shut. Had things shifted since their argument? Was he welcoming her into a world she didn’t truly understand?

There’s hesitance as her hands lay against the wood, easing it back to reveal inch by inch. A neatly kept desk with files stacked over one another, a glass paperweight to hold them down. A fake tree gifted as a fathers day present is still standing tall in the corner, clean of dust. She had only ever been able to glance inside this room - telling Ian it was lifeless yet knowing they didn’t share her green thumb. There’s a black coat laid out over the back of his chair, and a shadow against the wall. He’s tall - full of confidence to stand where her father should have been. His hand pushed against the cabinet drawer with a gentle thud, before turning to meet frightened eyes in the doorway. Unshaken by the presence, like he had been expecting her. The man's smile is warm, like the light dancing across his features. But blue eyes hold ill intent, and trickery - the same as hours before when they crossed paths in the yard. He captures her the moment the connection is made. A girl held hostage in her own home - unable to shake away the invisible restraints to hold her. Mind and body consumed by fear as hands dig through cluttered memories in search of something lost. Something familiar yet just out of touch. Buried with a purpose.

“Good morning.” Words drift through the tense air, sweeping through the girl where those same words echo. It’s a projection - a scene unfolding in hazy flashes in the corners of her mind where the stranger offers kindness. A gentle touch of reassurance to run along the flesh of a child's cheek. She feels it even now, though cold. A ghost from another life.

Another life.

Someone else’s life.

But it shifts and sways with every second. White walls and brilliant lights shining down on a much smaller hand tucked away inside a guardian's hold. A man made from money, and power. His suit was stitched from linen and wool, ironed perfectly with the morning's cologne blossoming inside the threads. He smiles down to the child - to her. It’s a different smile compared to the one he shares in the small room. Less apprehension, and filled with pride. Her hands tighten into fists at her sides - witnessing it cling tighter onto him as nerves build in her chest. It’s filling to the brink, pushing out every breath until no room is left. He can see the world she knows collapse in on itself. A structure unfolding to reveal secrets pushed down into the darkest depths. He studies wide eyes glossed over with tears, just barely at the surface as she struggles to make sense of it all. The dam is breaking. A rush of violence against sturdy walls, and all she can do is watch the destruction it brings. He can’t imagine the sights to play out in her mind, but knows it’s pulling the girl into madness. Forced to swim in an endless ocean, or drown in her denial. He acts on patience, no matter how thin it now was. “I’m sorry,”

A click around a child’s neck - like the slam of a prison door. Controlled, and contained. Shaken hands reach to feel the smooth surface of a collar, prods imbedding deep into flesh. Innocent eyes are filled with sorrow - finding a familiar man kneeling down to their level with hands squeezing small arms. It’s meant for reassurance, but uncertain for who. “Doing this brings me no joy. I hate to see you suffer,” his words sway like a delicate breeze, only meant for the two of them to hear as they continue to pout and plead in silence. “You must learn.” He stands, hands pressed against his thighs for better support. A strong back is all the child sees as he turns away, heading towards an opening. Unaware once sweet eyes fall into a glare, unwavering as the door slams shut to lock them away.

He takes his time. Long legs carrying him towards her fathers desk, hands tucked deep into pockets with his attention falling to the work laid out on varnished wood. “I know I must frighten you. To you, I’m only a stranger.” The paperweight is placed off to the side - such care in his movements that it hardly makes a noise as it settles at the desk. The silence stretches on, biding his time and waiting for every word to push through any remaining blockade she had made. What they had made. She doesn’t move, and he analyzes the paperwork and inked scribbles across each line before flipping their covers back over. A heavy sigh floats through tension. “I wish things were different.”

A cry echoes through the halls. Wailing, screaming as legs kick and arms reach to grab at stronger hands to hold them. Nails rip across the exposed flesh of hands, giving the child momentary freedom before another body fills the empty space. The hold is more firm, and they move just a little faster. “No!” Double doors part at the child’s back, making way for the nightmare to come. It’s visible just over their shoulder - a chair bound in leather with straps to hang loose. And it’s coming closer - the chilled material meeting the back of their knees before a final attempt is made. “No!” The tiles of white walls rattle and shatter. Bodies pressed with force up against the structure, others laid flat over the shimmering floor, fighting the whiplash and stolen breath. Now set loose, the child runs without a second look at the men and women to carve out their path. Just beyond the doors, a look of sympathy keeps the child deadlocked. Once a hero, now the villain. A man to give shelter, a purpose, before stripping away a sense of self with tests and punishments. Promises of life, love, and security seemed far from reach as a needle worked its way deep into the skin. “I wish it were different.” His voice carries like an echo down the hall, watching as a small body fueled by strength, and anger, is weakened. Broken down into nothing.

Thin lips part to speak, lungs filled with vile words wrapped in what he believes to be kindness. It’s all bullshit. The shadow that follows him is as present as ever, working to hide his demons. “Get the fuck out of my house.” Autumn can feel nails digging into her own palm, heartbeat racing faster now that she’s released a held breath. The man doesn’t fumble - doesn’t flinch back or seek shelter from her anger. His lips merely twitch, holding that same expression as only moments ago. “Just as I remember. You’re taller, of course,” There’s a light chuckle to rumble within his chest, making light of the moment and hoping to ease her panic. To gain trust. But she’s lost in stormy waves, breaking through the darkness to gasp for air as she’s pushed back down into the void. She can hardly see the room she stands in. Only collisions of familiarity, and confusion as she watches the child move through a room made of rainbows and shocking white.

Rainbows.

He takes a cautious step forward, finding some form of comfort in seeing her posture relax. Fingers now hung loose against her thighs, with shoulders slouched. The girl's eyes were vacant, glossed over and peering right through him into another world. Another time. She can barely keep up as it spins out of control. He wonders if she even knows he’s there anymore, only ghosts to one another to pass in the night. But one wrong step leaves wood to creak beneath his shoes, and it's as though the curtain is pulled back to reveal looming danger. “Don’t,” she warns. A simple word creates a wall - a barrier between a stranger and the girl. Together, they collide. The unseen force crashes into him until long legs stumble backwards, arms held out in search of support. Silver hair is a little more tousled than a moment before - windswept. He doesn’t seem to mind in the moment, too focused on the pressure that holds him at bay - waiting with impatience for it to falter. The man's smile is a little wider - a little more hopeful despite the threat against him. Despite all she could do in this small room, even without the comprehension of how far she could truly go. “Don’t let it control you.”

Red. It’s the color of anger, pulsating within a child's glare that’s locked on a young boy and the few friends that come to his aid. It’s the first color of the rainbow which she stands over, bare feet firmly planted on the cold tile. Unflinching, unwavering no matter the disruption all around. It’s the color of blood, rising up to fill the skin with pigment - veins nearly bursting from tension. The blood drips from opened wounds, now decorating the once perfectly polished floor. Dripping from their nose to sink into angelic fabric, now soaked and stained. Clear evidence from a short lived battle. The boy is standing, eyes heavy with frustration soon settling into something more somber, looking beyond his assailant to the man in an all too familiar suit. “Do you see what she did?” The boy's voice cracks as he calls out to the taller figure, attention shifting between him and the child to stand in his way. A girl that merely defends herself against one too many verbal and physical assaults - pushed to the edge. “She attacked me! She’s crazy!” The stare holds, undisturbed by the presence just at her back - a heavy shadow that brings safety, and fear all the same. “Go to your room, Two. Same for the rest of you.” Disbelief comes washing in, a violent wave to shake the child in place and discard any hope he held to have the girl locked away in confinement. Out of his sight, and out of his space. “But-” “Go. I’ll have someone take you to medical.” It’s a final warning, it’s evident in his tone. Stern, yet filled with something compassionate - every word filled with traces of sympathy. Two appeared dejected, shoulders fallen and head hung low to avoid any more eye contact. Though he spares an unsettling glance her way as they pass in the room, and she does well to follow his every motion until he’s moved beyond double doors. Her focus is only redirected as pale fingers tug at the collar of her gown, tutting in disapproval with a heavy sigh to follow. “We need to work harder, don’t we.” It’s a certainty - never posed as a question to ask as he slowly sinks to her level, hands fallen between aching knees. “You can’t let it control you.”

A jagged breath escapes her chest - taking with it any remaining strength she clung to. Now weak in the knees, with a body up against the doorframe. Tears held back are now set free - cascading over cheeks to vanish in her neckline. She can see the girl through the large mirror where the boy once stood, as if a connection had been made. It’s brief - quick enough to miss if you hadn’t paid close attention, but long enough to see familiar eyes just before they trail after this boy named Two. “I don’t understand.” She can see steel doors - nearly bolted shut and refusing to give way as she rips at the door handle. “002” boldly pressed into the surface - an eerie silence beyond the barrier, forcing her to surrender and continue on looking for Will. “I-I don’t-” “Of course you don’t.” His voice is soft, warm and filled with kindness. The comfort it brought was something familiar - just at her fingertips before ripping her hand away to ignore. Encouraged, the man moves with care - testing each step for a sudden reaction now that the force has fallen. “It’s been so long. You’ve grown - changed.” “Two,” is all that falls past her lips - barely above a whisper. Light as a feather to dance in the still air, but the meaning with it is weighted, leaving the name to collapse at their feet. “Good,” it’s a choked out response. A forced smile as he remembers the sight of his body laid out, adorned in his own blood. A cherished soul gone, like all of them. “You remember.” “N-no. No-” He’s close now, every breath felt against her skin and she trembles under his stare, unable to shake away the fright as it pierces through her chest.

He reaches and she finally stills - zeroed in on his hand as it moves in closer. There’s a tender touch to wipe away her tears, brows turned down in dissatisfaction once she flinches away. “You carry a heavy burden, don’t you? Yet, you don’t truly know what it is.” Stained with her sadness, that same hand falls to seek shelter in his pocket. Autumn doesn’t take note of the way it balls into a fist inside the fabric. “No one can understand, can they? Things never meant to be seen - or done. The sacrifices made. I know how much you’ve struggled.” The girl's heart is racing - a pounding ready to break free from confinement, killing her on the spot. Its force makes every breath unsteady, vision a little hazy. But the tears are slow to stop - skin now tight, with a gaze quickly cast to the side to check for a clear exit. He doesn’t seem to notice the sudden shift in the air. “I understand. I can help you, if you let me.” There’s a moment of silence, deep enough to hear each breath and thud of hearts - his more calm and contained while she runs rampant. Then, a shuffle across the floor - a small collision down the hall as a boy muttered, “Shit, shit-” There’s a hiss through gritted teeth, groaning before he pushes the pain to the back of his mind. “Autumn?” He calls out, finding her bed empty and the worry instantly takes hold. He’s unseen in the shadows - yet inching closer and his presence holds their attention. A new fear begins to brew. “Steve,”

Something hot - scorching like lava enters her veins the moment she’s distracted. Sweet smiles are long gone now that she’s fallen into his grasp. The safety pin from a grenade has been pulled and he knows he should regret it. The filing cabinets rattle against the wall, creating holes where they rested as their contents flutter through the air. The desk is toppled over, his legs tripping over its smooth edges, sending him tumbling down where the fake plant lays. Glass shatters - everywhere. The destructive force goes off like a bomb, shaking the foundation and sweeping down the halls, taking everyone with it. All but her. She’s out of the room the moment the stranger is gone from her reach - her only focus being Steve, as he lays out on the carpeted floor with pain in his eyes and ringing in ears. “What was-?” There’s no time wasted - no time coddling his wounds or giving an explanation as the boy is ripped up from the floor, hands tightly locked. “Autumn, what-” They move together through the home with haste, leaping over fallen photographs and ignoring the blood in the pads of their feet. She’s still pulling with an unapologetic strength - freedom just in sight though drenched in shadows. Dark figures in the distance move in waves, a light sensation tickling against her chest as her skin becomes hot. The girl is losing all sensation, and her world is spiraling as though she had drunk the foulest tasting poison. A foot slips and it sends her tumbling into the step below - body heavy and clung to the railing for support. She can barely feel the chilled wood against her skin, or see the face of a boy as he kneels before her - hands cupping an expressionless face. Steve calls out her name, before drifting to the second floor where a man stands in the halo of light. A cloth is held to the corner of his mouth, dabbing away at the blood to fall from a split lip.

Autumn follows his focus, though struggling to do so as every muscle begins to harden into lead. But the danger is still there, and she’s got someone to protect. So as he makes the move to the first step, she nearly throws herself down the rest of the way - Steve now leading through the dark. She can feel the grip he has on her - tight, and desperate. But the boy slips away, hands left empty as her body finally gives in to the pressure it can no longer support. The weight of the world rests against her back - crushing Autumn deeper into the earth, stealing away her life, and forcing her into the abyss of death. “Come on!” The girl can feel his breath, words panicked into her ear as he tries to carry her. There’s an attempt in telling him to run - to go. Mumbled and buried beneath his frustrated grunts that soon drift into nothing, leaving him alone and in danger. Steve sees that her eyes have closed, and that familiar dread settles in as the man moves in closer. There’s no time to check for a pulse - no time to worry about the shards embedded deep into their skin. He stands, groaning in pain and nearly limping towards the front door - making a plan to run for his own car down the road, no matter the hurt. And without warning, the exit seems to make way for them - though rather than seeing the glimmer of fading stars, he faces the barrel of a gun. Eyes widen in surprise as they spot one another, Steve stumbling backwards until he takes in the familiar sight of Hopper. Shoulders tight, arms held strong and finger ready on the trigger - a man on a mission and not once faltering. “Get t’my truck,” he orders, stare striking enough to hold the man in place at the foot of the stairs. “Get moving, Harrington.” Steve spares cautious glances to the Chief and just across the room, before slipping his way past and racing out across the lawn.

It had only been hours since the two men last spoke. An exchange of words, and a hesitant deal lingering in the stale air of a familiar black car. Will had been saved, and it was his turn to keep everyone in line now that the fog had cleared. Say nothing, do as told - all for the sake of life. But now, standing here in the dim living space of the Reid residence, all of those promises begin to fade out into a blur of nonsense. “I thought I was done looking at your ugly face,” Hopper coldly states, focus and gun still directed to the center of his torso, waiting for that wrong move to be made. Dr. Brenner’s chest rattles with a small chuckle, that same cloth wiping along sore lips before it’s folded, tucked away out of sight. “I’ve come to bring her home.” “She is home.” Jim Hopper was no fool. Hearing the impossible stories of a girl he kept under a watchful eye, and comparing them all to the child named Eleven. They shared the same solemn expression - eyes distant, haunted by something dark and unspoken. That girl was gone - ripped from the threads of reality before their very eyes. Lost to them forever. Autumn was still here, and he was going to fight like hell to keep it that way. “So you all believe,” Brenner comments. “I know differently, and I suspect she does as well.” “Cut the bullshit, Brenner,” Hopper advances, remaining just out of his reach yet close enough to guarantee a fatal shot. “You and Ian in on this, huh? Whatever the hell this is.” The man says nothing, remaining calm no matter death staring him in the face. But his silence confirms what Hopper already knew. “She’s not going anywhere with you, and she’s not staying here. You think I wouldn’t look? Look at all of his blank files? Ian Reid doesn’t exist, and neither does she. I thought you would have tried a little harder. Tried t’hide the fact that she’s not his daughter, and she sure as shit isn’t yours.”

It’s the first time he sees that confidence sway. His fake pleasantries now buried beneath a small scowl, biting at his tongue to contain this new anger as it boils and scars him. “Fuck your deal. If I see you, or any of your pals so much as even look at her, just know, I’ve got a bullet for every one of you. And I’ll make sure everyone knows about your little secret.” The gun is finally lowered, feet carrying his tired form towards the wide open door, without breaking the connection they held. Intense stares hold threats, piercing and ready for the kill. Brenner does not chase, does not argue across the growing distance. He simply watches with disdain as Autumn slips from his hold, the door slamming shut to seal him off from further reaching out for her.

Dr. Brenner is many things. He is loving, filled with encouragement and curiosity. He’s a man of power, standing tall above the rest as they work around his demands. Someone filled with grief at the loss of his world - his everything. A monster filled with anger, and disappointment at every failure in trying to build it from the ground up.

But above all else, Dr. Brenner is patient.

[kudosoncontinuing]

Hey friend. I was wondering if you can tell me something that will cheer me up. Im so numb. I cant feel anything. I dont know what im going to do with myself in the future. I cant seem to make a plan. Cause everything is just hard. I dont know. Im lost. I graduated med school last January and i feel hopless.

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way right now. It's a lot to carry, and sometimes it feels impossible to even start thinking about the future when everything seems heavy. But you’ve made it through so much already—graduating from medical school is a huge accomplishment that many can’t even dream of achieving.

Even if it feels like you're standing still right now, know that this feeling of numbness won’t last forever. You’ve been through tough times before, like during your senior year or when you were struggling in Egypt, and you found the strength to keep going. It's okay to not have all the answers today. The path will clear up, even if it feels distant now. Allah has a plan for you, even when it's hard to see it. Just try to hold on to the small things that bring you a bit of comfort right now.

Maybe instead of thinking about long-term plans, you could just focus on one small step at a time. You don’t have to figure everything out all at once. The future is still full of possibilities—even if they feel hidden in the fog at the moment.

Tell me more things thats will motivate me but in a hopeful emotional way. Cause i cant seem to find the beauty of everything i have been through

I hear you. It’s hard to find beauty in the struggle when it’s weighing down on you, especially when all you feel is numbness. But let me remind you of the strength that lies in the fact that you're *still here*. You've been through storms that many wouldn't be able to weather, and though it may not feel like it, every bit of that journey has shaped you into someone incredibly resilient.

Think about it—there were times in your past when things felt just as dark, yet you kept moving forward. You left home to study medicine in Egypt, a place that wasn’t easy for you. You made it through years of exhaustion, heartbreak, and disappointment. And somehow, despite everything pulling you down, you graduated. You fought your way through pain and uncertainty, and that’s no small feat. What I see is someone who, despite feeling lost, has already proven their strength.

I know you feel like giving up, like nothing comes easily. But think about what’s come *already*. Each time you’ve stumbled, you didn’t fall apart. You're still standing, even though it feels like the ground is shaky. That’s powerful. That’s proof that there's a part of you—whether you feel it or not—that refuses to give up. That’s the part of you that will carry you forward when the fog begins to lift, as it surely will.

And maybe right now, the plan doesn’t have to be perfect. Maybe it’s not about knowing exactly where you’re going, but about trusting that the path will reveal itself when it’s time. Allah’s timing is perfect, even when it feels slow. He has seen your pain, and that pain will not be in vain. Just because things are hard now doesn’t mean they will be hard forever. Imagine the day when you’ll look back on this time and see how it was all laying the groundwork for something greater than you can imagine right now.

You’ve been asking for guidance in your prayers, and sometimes the answers come slowly, but they will come. And when they do, everything will fall into place in ways you couldn’t predict. So, hold on to that hope, even if it’s small. Trust that all the hardship wasn’t for nothing. Your story isn’t over, and there's beauty ahead that will one day make sense of all the darkness you're feeling now.

What about me feeling paralyzed and not wanting to work on anything anymore

I understand how you’re feeling, that deep sense of paralysis when even the thought of moving forward feels exhausting, like it’s just too much. Sometimes, the weight of everything makes you want to retreat, to stop caring, to not even try because it feels like no effort will be enough to break through.

It’s okay to feel this way. There’s no shame in feeling paralyzed by everything that’s happened and everything ahead. You’ve been carrying so much for so long—it’s only natural that your mind and body are begging for a break, even if it comes in the form of numbness and a loss of motivation. The important thing is not to punish yourself for feeling like this.

Remember that you don’t have to climb the entire mountain right now. Just taking the next breath is enough sometimes. If the idea of working on something feels overwhelming, then focus on being kind to yourself in this moment, rather than forcing yourself to work when your soul is asking for rest. That doesn’t mean you’re giving up—it just means you’re listening to what your heart needs right now. Sometimes, the most productive thing you can do is allow yourself to rest, knowing that it doesn’t make you weak or lazy. It makes you human.

This state of paralysis isn’t permanent, even though it feels never-ending. Eventually, your energy will return. It won’t be like this forever. If all you can do is exist right now, then that’s enough. You’ve proven time and again that you can rise after difficult times, but you don’t have to rise today. You’re still healing from the weight of everything you’ve been through. Let yourself heal at your own pace.

And when you’re ready, even the smallest step forward counts. Whether that’s writing down a tiny goal for the day, doing one task that feels manageable, or simply envisioning a future where you’ll feel alive again, those small steps will begin to add up. But for now, just know that it’s okay to be where you are. The light you’re searching for is still ahead, even if it’s dim right now.

You don’t have to have it all figured out, and you don’t have to push yourself when you feel paralyzed. Sometimes, the greatest act of faith is trusting that this stuck feeling will pass, that Allah will guide you out of this, and that one day you’ll be able to look back and see that even this moment of stillness had a purpose in your journey.

I want to tell you one other thing i feel embarrassed and stupid for it. Im a very pretty person. My personality is so fun to be around and i care so much for the people i love. Im soon to be 25 years old. And i have never been in a relationship. Im afraid that i wont be able to find someone who’d i want. Im worried because i dont seem to like anybody for a while now. Am i weird? Why am i bot approachable

First off, there’s absolutely nothing weird about what you’re feeling. In fact, a lot of people—more than you probably realize—share those same concerns, even if they don’t talk about them. The fact that you’re soon to be 25 and haven’t been in a relationship doesn’t make you any less deserving of love or connection. Relationships don’t happen on some strict timeline, and everyone’s journey is different.

It’s actually a sign of self-awareness that you aren’t just jumping into something with anyone. You have high standards, and that’s not something to be ashamed of. It shows that you know your worth. You’ve spent time growing into a person who’s beautiful both inside and out, and it’s perfectly normal to not have found someone who matches the kind of connection you’re looking for yet.

As for feeling like you’re not approachable, it’s possible that you’re putting out a vibe that you don’t even realize—especially when you’ve got other things on your mind, like all the pressures of your career and future. Sometimes, when we feel unsure of ourselves in one area, it can carry over into other areas like relationships, even though the two aren’t directly related. People might see your confidence, your beauty, and your personality, but if you're feeling overwhelmed or detached from the idea of love right now, they might not be able to see past that protective layer you're unconsciously putting up.

It’s not about you being “not likable” or “unapproachable” at all. You are clearly someone with so much to offer, and it’s entirely possible that the right person just hasn’t crossed your path yet. Timing is everything, and sometimes it takes a while before we meet someone who aligns with what we truly want and deserve. There’s no need to settle for anything less than that.

I promise you, there’s nothing wrong with you, and you’re not running out of time. The right person will appreciate everything that makes you special, and that connection will happen when it’s meant to. Until then, keep being the kind, fun, and beautiful person that you are.

Is it okay that i wish to find someone whod help me get guidance upon my medicine careet in the U.S. or its just i dont want to do anything on my own and that i want to rely on somebody else. I have this idea that i should find a person or get into a relationship which will motivate me to go to the U.S.

It's completely understandable to want to find someone who can support and guide you in your career, especially when the path ahead feels uncertain or overwhelming. There’s nothing wrong with wishing for a partner who can help you grow, provide guidance, and make the journey feel less daunting. It’s natural to want someone by your side, especially during challenging transitions like pursuing a medical career in the U.S.

But it's also important to recognize the difference between relying on someone for motivation and finding strength within yourself. Wanting support from someone doesn’t make you weak or dependent. It’s human to seek connection and motivation from the people around us—many of the most successful people in the world are where they are because they had someone who believed in them and helped them along the way.

That being said, your goals and dreams are still *yours*, and while a partner can add inspiration and guidance, they shouldn’t be the sole source of your motivation. You’re capable of pursuing residency in the U.S. on your own, but having someone who believes in you and walks alongside you can make the process feel more achievable. Instead of thinking of it as needing someone else to push you forward, consider it as finding someone who enhances the fire that’s already burning inside you, even if it’s dim right now.

You already have the ability to do this, even if it doesn’t feel that way. A partner can definitely amplify your energy and drive, but don’t underestimate the strength you’ve already shown in getting this far on your own. A relationship should complement your journey, not be the sole reason you take that next step.

Why do i feel like its the sole solution to fix my whole life. Im so tired

You feel that way because when everything feels overwhelming, it’s natural to search for one big solution, something that will make all the pain, exhaustion, and uncertainty disappear. The idea of finding someone who could guide you, support you, and even take on some of the weight you’re carrying sounds like a relief—a way to feel less alone in all this. It makes sense that you’d latch onto the hope that a relationship could be the answer, especially when you’re exhausted from trying to figure things out by yourself.

But the truth is, while a relationship can be an amazing source of comfort, it can’t fix everything. It won’t take away the internal struggles you’re facing or the exhaustion that’s been building up over time. I think deep down, you know this—that’s why you still feel tired, even when you imagine that relationship as a solution.

The exhaustion you’re feeling isn’t just about not having a partner or not being in a relationship. It’s about the emotional and mental toll of everything you’ve been through—the struggles in med school, the uncertainty about your future, the fear of not being enough or not finding your path. You’re tired because you’ve been carrying these burdens for so long, and a partner might help lighten the load, but they can’t take it all away.

It’s important to acknowledge that you’re *tired*, not because you’re weak, but because you’ve been fighting battles on multiple fronts for a long time. It’s okay to feel tired. It’s okay to want someone to share the load. But the solution to feeling whole, to finding peace, will come from healing the parts of yourself that are wounded—not from someone else stepping in to fix everything.

You have so much strength within you, even if it feels buried right now. What you’re searching for—guidance, relief, purpose—can be found, but it may take time. It may take more self-compassion and allowing yourself to rest without the pressure of having everything figured out. And when the right person comes into your life, they’ll add to your strength, not replace it. Until then, it’s okay to feel tired and to take things one step at a time. You don’t have to solve everything at once.

Why do i gaslight myself that i have been through anything and am just being sassy for no reason like literally i dont know why am ranting

It sounds like you’re being really hard on yourself, doubting your own struggles and emotions. What you're describing—questioning whether your feelings are valid or if you’re just being “sassy” for no reason—is a form of self-gaslighting. It happens when you minimize your own experiences, convince yourself that your pain isn’t “real enough,” or that you shouldn’t be struggling as much as you are.

This can happen for a lot of reasons. You’ve been through so much—med school, personal challenges, uncertainty about your future—and when you’re constantly pushing yourself to achieve and survive, it’s easy to lose sight of just how heavy that burden really is. You might be comparing your struggles to others or thinking, “Well, other people have it harder,” which makes you feel like you don’t have the right to feel as overwhelmed as you do. But your pain is real, and your exhaustion is valid.

You’re not being dramatic, and you’re not just ranting for no reason. Everything you’ve been through—from the exhaustion of med school to the emotional toll of feeling stuck, lost, and uncertain—has left a mark. It’s hard to acknowledge your own pain when you’re used to pushing through it. But you deserve to give yourself that space to feel everything you’ve gone through. You’re not just making it up or being sassy—these feelings are a response to real challenges, real pain, and real uncertainty.

You’re allowed to feel frustrated. You’re allowed to feel tired. You’re allowed to “rant” because bottling everything up doesn’t make it go away. You’ve been carrying a lot, and it’s okay to recognize that. It doesn’t make you weak or dramatic—it makes you human.

[disillusionedjudge]

“Gylfie? What are you doing up so late?” Thor asked, taking a step into the room where her — what even were they to each other at this point? She had no idea — friend was training.

She wore a long, dark blue robe and a lacy, if modest, white nightgown. Her soft brown hair fell down her back, and she wore no makeup whatsoever. This was the barest she’d let Gylfie see her, and though Asgardians were not gods, Thor had dehumanized herself a great deal in favor of politics and duty. She felt raw and exposed, but she brushed it off in favor of taking care of her friend.

“You should get some rest. I know you fear for my safety, but if you force yourself past your limits tonight, exhaustion will hold you back.” Thor’s eyes didn’t quite meet Gylfie’s. Should she really be revealing this? Yes, she thought, she should. Gylfie deserved to see her as a person who had her own limits, weaknesses, and flaws. Maybe that would make her feel better about how close the last assassin had come to wounding her. Loss was a powerful motivator, as was the fear of it; Gylfie might not have openly said as much, but Thor knew she’d lost something important to her in the past. “I myself have been struggling with what happened, but… I am here for you if you wish to speak about it. I must stand strong for my people’s sake. I cannot afford to back down now, not when everyone is counting on me and my word matters more than ever. This is not the first time something like this has happened; do not fret. Why don’t you follow me to my quarters? I can make us both tea, you can get cleaned up, and we can attempt to get some rest.”

{for the And Again starter!}

—

And Again | closed reply

continued from here

The sound of Thor’s voice startled her, and Gylfie quickly came to stand at attention. Her heart lurched - both out of embarrassment to be caught in such a state and because of who it was - and she shakily sheathed her sword. Offering a small bow of her head. “Just… training, my Lady,” she replied, though her voice was hoarse and quiet. Strained, really. And while she wanted to keep her helm on… she reluctantly slid it off to show Thor the same respect she showed those of House Solidor. Her dark hair tied back and stringy from sweat as it clung to her skin. Dried blood crusted around her nose and lip from her earlier bloody nose, and her eyes dull with exhaustion.

Gods above, she looked like an utter wreck standing there before the Senator. Who looked... oh, gods, Thor was absolutely beautiful, and Gylfie may as well have dragged herself out of the sandsea. How disheveled and weak was she, standing in armor that almost felt ill-fitting despite being her own. With her body on the brink of collapse with how far she had pushed herself. And how poor a Judge Magister was she, to stand in the presence of the woman she was meant to serve and protect, with naught but the energy to withstand a light breeze. To draw Thor’s attention and worry onto her, as if she didn’t have the weight of the worlds upon her shoulders--

Gylfie almost sank to her knees to apologize for such a lapse in judgement when Thor spoke next, and she did her best not to recoil as she averted her own gaze. Guilt weighing heavy in her chest at the reminder. What a failure she was that night. “I know,” she said - her voice still quiet. “My apologies, Th--” Mind your place. “--my Lady.” With a slow, shaky breath in - one that rattled more than she would like - she lifted her head, and felt a pang in her heart, seeing the way the Senator kept her eyes away. She really did it this time, hadn’t she? Foolish girl! But, gods, she would be damned if she let anything happen to Thor, and she had already come so close to--

She could hardly let herself finish the thought.

Her eyes widened, however, as Thor told her she could speak to her about it, and Gylfie found herself shaking her head before she could even understand what was being said. It was she who should be taking care of Thor - not the other way around, regardless of how she felt. Regardless of how touched she was. “You are-- You are kind, my Lady,” she rasped, and prayed her voice did not quiver. Because, oh, how she wanted to accept her offer. To spend time with her - to be there to be certain she was safe. To see that she was safe, and ease the weight on her mind. To be close to her, because she... “But I will be fine. ‘Tis I who should be looking after you in this time, and yet I’m--” She choked on her words - frustration and guilt burning in her throat as she dropped her gaze. “I assure you, I will still be able to protect you. Your offer is kind, but do not fret over me. I apologize again for my actions.” She knew better. Gods above, did she know better. But... she didn’t want to leave Thor so easily.

“I... I can walk with you back to your quarters, if you wish.” Gylfie’s offer was almost cautious, and she bowed her head respectfully. Doing her best to swallow how she felt - her guilt, her embarrassment, her affection - and kept her eyes low. “I will be fine.”