#you lose all sense of agency. you become what people think you are. you start drowning in the status quo

[dexalyys]

thinking i might be more active on tumblr… i feel generally a lot safer here (primarily due to the number of npd-positive spaces i’ve found), and also because twitter is kinda just a rancid cesspool for the chronically online. i’m going to lose my mind if i hear one more thing about celebrity cancellations or drama or whatever the fuck people care about these days. never become a content creator as a minor holy shit it will ruin your brain and scar you for life i could not be more serious. more ranting in the tags idk i need to go take a shower

[dollypopup]

sorry, still on this soapbox but

we have really, REALLY done Colin a disservice in this fandom. we spent so long viewing him primarily as a Love Interest and not as a Character. But when we see and analyze him as a character, so many of his actions make sense, and it becomes almost ridiculous, the dynamics we've imposed on this couple (yes, I'm talking about the 'Colin fucked up and needs to prove himself to Penelope' narrative) when there's so much more nuance and beauty to their pairing than we give them credit for

we as the audience focus so much on Penelope's perspective in their relationship, of course, because we have so much of her perspective in the show, and so our frustrations with Colin stem from that, but we get more insight into him than Penelope does. The 'I would never court her' scene that we've been livid over for years is considerably softened when we actually look at Colin as a character, and the circumstances around his actions.

Colin spends season 2 SAD. He is straight up not okay. We leave Colin in Season 1 freshly heartbroken and running away to Greece to heal. In Season 2, we meet him again, considerably more somber. Colin doesn't participate in the dances. He even says 'I'm just a spectator'. Colin talks about how he started a conversation with himself, tried to understand what he wants and how he feels. Colin offers Benedict shroom tea, and for a moment, JUST A MOMENT, we see the facade slip. His mask cracks. 'Are you quite alright, brother?' and then it's gone. Then he's cheerful again. Calm Colin. Nice Colin.

Colin who is okay.

But Colin is *not* okay. Colin completely isolates himself from women. Colin doesn't flirt, doesn't entertain female attention. Colin is heartbroken, trying to be better. But he views Penelope as a friend, a sacred relationship, a worthwhile relationship, and he can't bear to lose her. To him, Penelope is arguably his closest friendship. His best friend. And in an entire town full of people who don't listen to him, he thinks Penelope does. Unlike the typical dynamic of the ton, in which men are ONLY speaking to women by viewing them as potential sexual partners, Colin views Penelope as a whole person. She doesn't just exist as a romantic option to him, but as a vital connection in his life. That's why the 'I am a woman' 'You are. . .Pen' is so important to view as an act of love- Penelope is NOT just a woman as the ton sees her, good for marriage prospects and little else, Penelope is a complete person. Yes, she's a woman, but more importantly, she's PEN. She's a full human being. And he values her as such. We cannot say the same for the grand majority of men in his society. Tell me any other male-female friendships like that in the ton where that level of respect is given?

But for Penelope, it's hurtful, because she WANTS to be seen as a romantic option in his eyes. That's a fair feeling, though we as an audience should recognize that it can be both upsetting to Pen, and also deeply beautiful as a sentiment. Because of Penelope's hopes of Colin as a romantic prospect, she does not see that he is hurting. Because of our connection as a fandom to Penelope, we do not see it, either. But he *is* hurting. In all of Season 2 he's hurting. That's why he throws himself into the Jack mess. He wants, NEEDS a distraction. He wants to find a place in his world, his society. Honestly? He needs a win. He has spent the last year losing and losing and losing. Who can blame him for being sick of it? His engagement blows up, he finds out his family pays no attention to him, that no one cares about his agency, and he's publicly humiliated. If he invests, if he makes money, he might make more male connections. Might run in more important circles. Like his brothers do. Might prove himself. But Colin isn't friends with the men of the ton. We don't see ANY evidence that he has strong friendships with any of them. Because he isn't like them.

He is 22 years old. Treated like a child in his own family. When he talks about his travels, no one listens. Everyone dismisses him. 'Remarkable, yes, in the sense that I have many remarks about it'. Colin is invisible. He is trying to slot himself in his community, but he does not fit neatly into it. He connects with Will, a man outside his community, and Penelope, a woman also outside his community, because *Colin* exists outside his community. He's the foolish boy who fell headfirst for a woman who lied to him. He's the 'green' baby walking in his older brother's footsteps and unable to fill them. He doesn't behave the way other men of the ton do. He doesn't talk like other men of the ton do. Hell, he *apologizes* to women. We have men NOW in the MODERN ERA who don't even apologize to women.

His own *mother* doesn't even notice he was dating someone for several months in season 1. Colin is a pretty, empty ghost wandering around Mayfair, and so of course he's thrown into a locker room conversation with a bunch of guys who have never once seen a woman as a person, and doesn't relate to them. Colin's not joking and having fun with these men. We very purposefully do not see his reaction after he delivers the 'I would never court her' line.

Colin is uncomfortable around them, but he needs their help to make it up to Will, someone who was kind to him and who he looks up to. He has the mask on so firmly in that scene, it's physically obvious to see. If you compare his reactions around Penelope to his reactions around Fife, it's stark. With Penelope he's open, his eyes are soft, his expression is curious and kind, his shoulders are relaxed. Around Fife he's closed off, eyes hard, muscles tense. Who can blame him? He's acting. He's acting just like he's acting around Jack.

When we look at Colin as a whole character, we get insight into his actions and they make SENSE. The things he say that hurt Penelope are things that are actually defending her- Colin saying he wouldn't court her to those men in particular, is an act of caring. He is defending her in that scene. When a debutante is only good for being 'wed, bed, and bred' in their eyes, Colin saying no, that Penelope is worth more than that, that his connection to her isn't forged on wanting to fuck her, or exploit her, or treat her as a sexual object, is radical. Because anything else, ANYTHING else that he says that isn't an outright denial, puts Penelope in danger. He can't let them believe that the woman he cherishes so deeply he cannot even ENTERTAIN the idea of not talking to her is out here being ruined by his hands.

And when we see it that way, we see that, in reality, of all the men in the series, Colin is the one who has been kindest to his love interest. Colin is the one who has defended her, the one who has stuck his neck out for her, the one who has cared for her with absolutely no expectations of sex or romance in return.

Colin's relationship to Penelope is beautiful, and sure, she can be upset that it isn't in the exact shape she wants it to be, but I think if she takes a step back and looks at it more objectively, if WE take a step back and look at it more objectively, Colin has only ever gone into it with a big, earnest heart. Not PERFECTLY, of course, he isn't perfect, but with the best intentions, and with as much honesty as he can.

And I don't know why we don't celebrate him more for it

[linkspooky]

Jujutsu Kaisen, Chapter 213 Thoughts

Besides setting the entire fandom on fire, Sukuna’s ultimate objective being possessing Megumi’s body is a twist that just makes sense considering the themes of both the culling game arc, and the manga as a whole. Body-possession is a reoccurring idea, the manga starts with Yuji consuming a finger and having Sukuna take over his body, Geto’s body is stolen by Kenjaku a body hopping immortal, Riko Amanai was expected to give up her body as the star plasma vessel, every ancient sorcerer in the culling games is possessing the body of a modern day person.

Body possession, body horror, it’s something that happens over and over and for a manga where the main theme is how the lives of youths are continually taken away and sacrificed in the name of the previous generation and the status quo this just makes sense. MORE under the CUT. 

1. Mind, Body and Soul

Jujutsu Kaisen is a manga where the youth have very little rights, not just to make their own choices with their lives, but even in several case their bodily agency is wrested away from them. There are countless villains who mutilate, or even completely take possession of a young person’s body. 

In the first four chapters, Gojo’s interference doesn’t spare Yuji from his execution, it only delays it. The only reason he even gets to delay and live his life a little bit longeris because he willingly offers himself up to eat the fingers of Sukuna and be used as a vessel, a task he will get no reward for because he’s going to get executed anyway at the end. 

If you use the youth losing control of their bodies and becoming vessels, as a metaphor for losing control of their lives, from this point Yuji’s fate is sealed. He is no longer allowed to live his life the way he wants to, he’s given a choice that isn’t really a choice, die now, or die later.

Yuji is literally referred to as a vessel, an empty thing that only exists to be filled with something else. Yuji himself does not act like he believes he has free will or a choice in the matter, he refers to himself as a cog multiple times, he even refers to the job of collecting fingers Gojo gave him as a “Role” like he’s a character in a script. 

If Gojo’s goal is to create children who are free to live out their youths, think for themselves, and are allowed to grow up into their own people rather than existing to be tools of the elders then he has essentially failed with Yuji, Yuji doesn’t want to live his own life, he doesn’t expect even to grow up, he just mindlessly obeys what jujutsu society wants him to do and only sees himself as a cog. 

One of the first villains we are introduced to is Mahito, who while he does not take control of epople’s bodies, he touches their souls and warps them into a still living but horribly mutated version of themselves. e does not just do it to side characters or extras, we see him use his abilities on Junpei causing one more young life to be tragically cut short in the most horrific way possible. Junpei’s not just killed, his body is horribly violated and he’s reduced to a mindless thing that exists a few minutes in tremendous pain before it’s heart gives out.

It’s not just his life that’s taken from him, but his body as well. The next arc features Koichi, a character who is born with impressive and unique abilities as a sorcerer in exchange for a body that is barely able to live and in constant pain. Koichi’s body is not being possessed, but it’s not really his own. He’s not free to move around and be a part of the world. His body is like a painful cage with bars made of barbed wire, the more he struggles against it the more he hurts himself, every second of his existence is uncomfortable. The only way he can interact with the world at all is by puppeteering a series of fake bodies. 

This is another character who surprise surprise is butchered by Mahito, as a consequence for being desperate enough to try to make a deal to fix their body so they could gain a little freedom to leave their life support and hospital bed behind and be a part of the same world as everyone else. In the origin of obedience arc we are treated to the gruesome method of how Choso and his brothers acquire their bodies, by being forcefully inserted into a completely naked and helpless man. 

That’s why possession in Jujutsu Kaisen works so as a metaphor not just for the taking away of young people’s control of their lives, but also the way their bodies are violated, physically, and also yes sexually the subtext is there. Choso and his brothers themselves are the result of a woman’s body getting experimented on, forcefully impregnated, violated (once again... probably sexually) all for the sake of Kenjaku a one thousand year old elder. 

Move forward to the star plasma vessel arc, there is Riko Amanai who is expected to give up her body for the sake of the greater good, literally merging with Tengen to become someone and something else. 

There is also Toji who is rejected by his clan and has abuse heaped upon him, because he was born with a body unable to use cursed energy that the Zen’in Clan deemed wrong. Despite being just as competent as sorcerers like Gojo and Geto he’s no longer considered even human and refers to himself as a monkey. When Toji returns in the Shibuya arc, it’s at the behest of a necromancer named Grandma. 

In the volume extras it states Grandma kidnaps her grandchildren as young children, and basically grooms them into willingly offering their bodies to her to make them into puppets to summon vessels for dead spirits. Then there is Ui Ui who has to literally offer his body up to die as a part of his older sister’s Mei Mei’s technique, he’s expected to sacrifice himself for her benefit and exist to help her even though he is so much younger than her.

Then there is the most obvious candidate of bodily possession, Geto’s corpse is stolen away from them and turned into a puppet for Kenjaku, it’s been his modus operandi for one thousand years, taking the bodies of other, younger people and then using it for their own benefit. Kenjaku not only violated Choso’s mother, created the Death Painting Siblings and then abandoned them (they are literally aborted fetuses, the child abuse metaphor there is not subtle), they are also responsible for hundreds of people living in the modern era (including children like sumiki) having their bodies taken away from them by ancient sorcerers who want to participate in the culling games. 

It’s also pointed out frequently that a lot of these ancient sorcerers have basically no motivation or reason at all that would explain why they are so desperate to steal someone’s life away to prolong their own. 

Pompadour guy is a walking apettite, nothing will satisfy him and he’s killed another living human being, and he’s probably not going to be satisfied by that either. 

Uro talks about how in their first life, they were a victim never allowed to have a name and a face, but they quite literally have not only made someone else a victim, they’ve stolen away the name and the body of a completely innocent woman. They take another life away as their life was taken. But if they’re owed retribution for the tragic backstory they suffered in a previous life, then isn’t the body they’ve taken owed their own retribution. Which is my point exactly, these older sorcerers representing the previous generation are continually stealing from the youth, but like, they aren’t even aware of what they want. 

Kenjaku, Uro, Pompadour, they’re taking for the sake of taking. The bodies are a metaphor for the ability and freedom to live in this world. 

Choso himself even states that the reason he sided with the curses over the humans is because he believed that the bodies of his brothers would be rejected, which would make it harder and more painful for both of them to live in this world... which true, they’re experiments, if they went to jujutsu college they probably would have just been executed, Nobara killed them pretty guilt free. They weren’t seen as human or even people with the right to live. 

Kenjaku even entices the united states and other world powers to invade the culling games in order to kidnap sorcerers, so their bodies can be experimented on by the state for its own gain. They are reducing the bodies of human beings to resources. 

It’s clear over and over again, bodies, especially the bodies of young people are abused, violated and outright stolen from them by older people, people in power, even their direct family or parents for their own selfish gain. 

Which is where we finally get to both Megumi and Tsumiki, and while their possession is tragic it’s almost the perfect completion of this metaphor. Megumi’s life has never been his own to begin with. He’s a human being who was sold by his father, you know, sold, like he’s an object or a slave. 

The fact that he was born with the Ten Shadows Technique has just made him more or less a tool to be passed around and utilized by others, Naobito wished to make him the head of the clan because of his inheritance of the ten shadows, Toji sold him for money, Gojo arrived and positioned him as Megumi’s savior, but really he just recruited Megumi to his own side because of the Ten Shadows Technique was a useful tool to Gojo’s own agenda. Megumi, and by extension Tsumiki are children who were abandoned by the adults around them and because of that have had very little control of their own lives.

 They are children in foster care with no money, and no ability to survive in this world and the people who should be doing their jobs and helping them are exploiting them instead. 

These two children, with no power, control or choices over their own lives have now even lost their own bodies, both of them taken away by elders who’s only wish is to exploit them for their own personal gain... but really, weren’t they already being exploited? 

Megumi was never free to control his own life. He never possessed his own body, he always belonged to someone else. Megumi’s lack of control is just a lot more literal now. 

[hell-of-peccability]

pulling aus out of my ass #1:

> kuni(kida/haru) !!

okay. so. hear me out.

them. as the same person. for an au.

(for clarity's sake, I'm referring to all of the Saiki family by their first names. if you arent aware of them; Kusuo = Saiki K , Kusuke = Saiki's Brother , Kuniharu = Saiki's dad , Kurumi = Saiki's mom. I had to look up his parents names for this so I don't blame anyone.)

MY REASONING:

almost the same haircut??? definitely the same bangs. kunikida's hair would probably poof out the way kuniharu's does if he snipped off the rattail.

people's hair typically gets darker as they age (blond to brown)

people's facial structure typically rounds out a bit as they age as well

both wear rather similar glasses -- kunikida switching up his pair at some point would logically make sense.

kunikida to kuniharu. even if kunikida's first name is doppo, if this was some sort of "lets change my identity to blend in with normal society" he may keep "kuni" as a tribute to kunikida. (especially since 'kunikida' is the penname part of what the actual author went by, among other pennames)

it would make (some) sense for kusuo's dad to have some form of ability, as would result in his psychic-ness.

taste in women;

kurumi definitely looks similar to sasaki (which can be interpreted as probably kunikida's ideal woman), kuni(kida/haru) would probably find kurumi attractive, "Kurumi is a kind and gentle mother [...] She is also very trusting of and never doubts other people. However, when driven pushed her limits, Kurumi becomes scary and hunts down anyone who threaten her family. She loves her family a great deal." (saiki k wiki) this description of someone WOULD probably be close to his ideal, as kurumi is pretty much the ideal mom in herself. I believe she's close enough to where kunikida (if he's actually into women & not secretly gay) would settle for, if not seek her out.

THE BLATANT PROBLEM:

Aside from, yk, this not being the same fandom, the biggest issue comes with Saiki Kuniharu's personality.

"Kuniharu is unreliable, reckless and slovenly, often begging with disgusting teary faces towards his son. He is a doormat who is always nice and respectful to people no matter how rude or scornful they are to him, such as his boss, who orders him to lick his shoes, and his father-in-law, who harbors a strong hatred towards him. On occasion, he can be self-serving." (saiki k wiki)

I think the best reason that can be given here, is it's dazai's fault. Dazai manages to successfully drive kunikida so insane that he flees not only the agency, but yokohama, going to hidari wakibara to escape.

Kuniharu could be Kunikida after his ideals are (mostly) shattered, and his personality snaps. He suddenly conforms to authority, loses his schedule, begs in the same way dazai always harassed him with, either as a mask to hide under, or because he was driven to become that.

or, in other words, Kunikida lost his shit (*cough* possibly due to the current & former manga arcs *cough*) and ran off to start a new life, without his notebook, his schedule, and the ideals he lived his life by.

OTHER AU DETAILS:

If Kunikida's ability relies on his notebook, it would be pretty easy for him to shove that thing in a drawer and pretend to be normal. Maybe it so far as kuni's mind was wiped, which would account for Kusuo never reading that in his mind. It's just gone.

Kusuo wouldn't necessarily be aware of ability users if they weren't in his mind-reading vicinity, as he doesn't seek out psychics but he is aware of what they are when he gets close to them. He may not be aware of Yokohama due to this. (if any of this is wrong, shut up.)

Kusuke (given his mega high iq) is probably known by some of the BSD cast (for instance, Ranpo or Dazai) and dislikes them for being like his shitty brother.

Kuni HAS to have at least once accidentally used his powers and thought Kusuo was fucking with him. Or better yet, has had that happen enough to where he's afraid of writing because Kusuo will fuck with him. Maybe he even makes Kusuo write things for him whilst eying him suspiciously. Kusuo has likely chalked all of those thoughts up to Kuni being an idiot, and hasn't thought any more of it.

TLDR:

kunikida is kuniharu because this is MY corner of the internet and I SAID SO.

fuck you im claiming this is my new au that i cradle close to my heart. we are ignoring all the basic reasons why this is impossible kunikida just shrunk to 5'9", and changed his birthday and blood type to spite YOU.

i,,,, may need to write something off this.

[spaceratprodigy]

OCs as Obscure References

Thank you for the tags @darkfire1177 @bokatan @hibernationsuit 💖💕

👇❤💜 Faith, Iris, Maril, AND Poppy 💙🖤👇

Name:

Captain Faith Hawthorne

Animal:

Rat / Bunny / Sprat

Colors:

❤🖤💛

Month:

August

Songs:

Pressure – Billy Joel

Chop Suey! – System of a Down

Autoclave – The Mountain Goats

Angel with a Shotgun – The Cab

I Think We're Alone Now (Cover) – Billie Joe Armstrong

In Your Eyes – Peter Gabriel

God Only Knows – The Beach Boys

The Longest Time – Billy Joel

Number:

2

Plants:

Peony / Spider Lily

Smells:

vanilla and sweet bakery smells, old books and paper smells, a nice cologne, the smell of the forest when she would go hiking on Earth, gasoline (x)

Gemstone:

Villiaumite / Peridot

Time of Day:

Sunrise / Middle of the Night

Season:

Spring / Autumn

Places:

Fallbrook, Devil's Peak Station, Botanical Lab, Edgewater, Grand Colonial Hotel Penthouse Suite, Purpleberry Orchards

Food:

Empanadas, Rice, Sofrito, Sweets and Pastries, Cheese, Potatoes

Drinks:

Water, Tea, Orange Juice, Milk, Rum

Element:

Fire

Astrological Sign:

Leo

Seasonings:

Adobo, Sazón

Sky:

Full of Stars

Weather:

Warm Spring Day

Weapons:

The Vermin II

Hunting Rifle Hyper

Phin's Phorce (sentimental)

Social Media:

Tumblr

Makeup Product:

Black Nail Polish

Candy:

Dark Chocolate

Method of Long Distance Travel:

Spaceship (via The Unreliable)

Art Style:

Art Nouveau / Baroque

Fear:

loneliness, alcoholism, addiction, abuse, not being good enough, the drastic consequences of failing or not making the "right" choice, how many people she's hurt, never being safe, never being happy, whether or not she's capable of love or being loved back, never finding comfort, her numbness and anger consuming her

Mythological Creature:

Phoenix

Piece of Stationary:

An old, worn, well loved paper. The edges have started turning brown, on it is written all sorts of calculations and schematics that probably only make sense to her, some doodles in the margins where she was lost in thought.

Three Emojis:

⭐🐀📚

Celestial Body:

Cone Nebula / Carina Nebula / Eye of God

Name:

Miss Iris

Animal:

Deer / Bear / Radstag / Yao Guai

Colors:

💜💙🖤❤

Month:

December

Songs:

Invisible Touch – Genesis

Everybody Wants You – Billy Squier

Black Sheep – Metric

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For – U2

I Want You to Want Me – Cheap Trick

Babe – Styx

All Night Forever – TWRP

Number:

4

Plants:

Iris / Forget Me Not / Hyacinth / Lily of the Valley

Smells:

gentle floral scents, wood and sawdust, the smells of spices and nice hearty soups cooking, petrichor (x)

Gemstone:

Rhodolite Garnet / Scorodite

Time of Day:

Sunset

Season:

Winter

Places:

Red Rocket Truck Stop, Sanctuary, Valentine Detective Agency, The Third Rail, Diamond City Radio, Atom Cats Garage

Food:

Soups, Fruits, Veggies, Breads, Breakfast Foods

Drinks:

Coffee, Milkshake, Fruit Juice, Whiskey

Element:

Earth / Water

Astrological Sign:

Sagittarius

Seasonings:

Garlic Powder, Onion Powder, Rosemary, Parsley, Coriander

Sky:

Warm Sunset Colors

Weather:

Chilly Jacket Weather

Weapons:

Agamemnon the Fuck Upper (10mm pistol)

Amadeus (rifle)

Le Boom Stick Terribles (combat shotgun)

Social Media:

Pinterest

Makeup Product:

Dark Eyeshadow

Candy:

Chocolate with Caramel / Toffee

Method of Long Distance Travel:

Walking

Art Style:

Rococo / Art Deco / Impressionism

Fear:

losing everything and everyone she loves all over again, not being good enough, not being able to help or save people, causing harm or pain to others, being a burden, never being loved, never being wanted, never being able to free herself, never being able to rebuild a new life with people to love and be loved back by, failing her son, becoming a mother again, failing as a mother again

Mythological Creature:

Siren / Fairy

Piece of Stationary:

A love letter handled with the utmost care. She poured her heart into her elegantly written words. The precision is not lost on you, she wants it known you were worth the time. She signs her name with a lipstick kiss that makes your heart flutter. The parchment smells slightly like her gentle perfume.

Three Emojis:

💋💐🎭

Celestial Body:

Fireworks Galaxy / Pandora's Cluster

Name:

Maril Highwind

Animal:

Crow

Colors:

🖤💙💚💛

Month:

March

Songs:

Shipmeisters' Shanty – Yoko Shimomura

Traverse Town – Yoko Shimomura

The Afternoon Streets – Yoko Shimomura

A Twinkle in the Sky – Yoko Shimomura

Asteroid Attack – Yoko Shimomura

Number:

21

Plants:

Hydrangea / Morning Glory / Sunflower

Smells:

oil, grime, workshop smells, ink, parchment, wood, paint, dusty old books, the smell of food cooking in the Twilight Town Bistro (x)

Gemstone:

Azurite / Malachite

Time of Day:

Early Afternoon

Season:

Summer

Places:

Traverse Town, Hollow Bastion, The Grid, 100 Acre Wood, Twilight Town

Food:

Sea Salt Ice Cream, Sugary Skies Ice Cream, Royalberry Ice Cream, Carrot Potage, Beef Sauté, Tarte aux Fruits

Drinks:

Lemonade, Limeade, Orange Juice, Apple Cider, Hot Chocolate

Element:

Lightning / Air

Astrological Sign:

Aries

Seasonings:

Basil, Oregano, Cumin

Sky:

Clear Blue

Weather:

Perfect Summer Day

Weapons:

Custom Twin Shooters / Rifle

Social Media:

Instagram

Makeup Product:

Sparkly Cosmetic Stars

Candy:

Sour Gummy Worms / Cotton Candy

Method of Long Distance Travel:

Gummi Ship

Art Style:

Futurism / Neon Art

Fear:

abandonment, something bad happing to her family and friends, not being able to protect the people she cares about, the darkness, her world disappearing while she's away

Mythological Creature:

Wyvern / Harpy

Piece of Stationary:

A stack of worn, rolled up scrolls. The dustier ones are filled with spells and runes you're not quite sure how to read. The ones that smell of inks and paints are beautiful illustrations of various gummi ship designs. The newest scrolls are countless blueprints, they are quite fascinating! Many are for building gummi ships, some are for custom weapons and defense systems.

Three Emojis:

✨🛸🤖

Celestial Body:

Cosmos Redshift 7 / Saturn

Name:

Poppy

Animal:

Snake / Deathclaw

Colors:

❤🖤

Month:

May

Songs:

Foreign Object – The Mountain Goats

Choked Out – The Mountain Goats

Raining Blood – Slayer

Light Up the Night – The Protomen

I Am... All Of Me – Crush 40

Want You Gone – Jonathan Coulton

Number:

7

Plants:

Poppy / Bleeding Heart

Smells:

Blood, Filth, Campfire, Mildew, Foul Stench of Death

Gemstone:

Cuprite / Amber

Time of Day:

Evening

Season:

Summer / Autumn

Places:

Nuka-World, Grandchester Mystery Mansion, Pickman Gallery, The Combat Zone, Goodneighbor

Food:

Candies, Jerky, Noodles

Drinks:

Nuka-Cherry, Smoothie, Slushie

Element:

Fire

Astrological Sign:

Gemini

Seasonings:

Paprika, Cinnamon, Crushed Red Pepper

Sky:

Dark and Cloudy

Weather:

Stormy and Slightly Windy

Weapons:

Disciples Blade (from Nisha)

Pickman's Blade

Chain-Wrapped Aluminum Baseball Bat

Triple-Hooked Meat Hook

Social Media:

Twitter

Makeup Product:

Red Lipstick

Candy:

Cherry Flavored Candies

Method of Long Distance Travel:

Walking / Train

Art Style:

Expressionism / Surrealism

Fear:

weakness, not being able to defend herself, being captured or imprisoned in any way, loss of autonomy in any way

Mythological Creature:

Hellhound

Piece of Stationary:

An old, torn, crumpled up piece of paper. It's covered in dirt, or maybe that's soot. Did someone try to burn this? The handwriting is sloppy, but the words tell a story. Perhaps a diary entry. It's hard to read, but it's heartbreaking, desperate. This is something someone had to tell, to get it out of their system. It looks as if they tried to destroy it when they were done but swiftly changed their mind. Maybe, in the end, they hoped someone would find it, someone would know their story, maybe even find comfort in it that they're not alone if they've been forced to endure the same pain.

Three Emojis:

🗡💀🍒

Celestial Body:

Sun / Engraved Hourglass Nebula

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open tag to anyone who wants to jump in!

[ravenkinnie]

i love love love the way you write jinx and the way you talk about her and her relationships!!! not to be annoying bc a lot of ppl in the fandom are like 16/17 but the general interpretation of jinx as little more than a victim of her circumstances and silco’s manipulation who should make up with her sister, be caitvi’s slightly annoying third wheel and ekko’s (or lux? lmao nothing against either ship but yk) quirked up gf is soooo boring (like god forbid a girl contains multitudes and is both a meow meow and an absolute cunt) and your take on her is such a breath of fresh air! not sure if you talked about this in a post already but what are your hopes in general for the new season and ofc for jinx in particular?

❤️❤️❤️ that's my pookie and even tho I'm hoeing across runeterra she will always be the one

no fr fr and listen I do feel like I'm fighting in a kindergarten when I hate because I realise it's cause everyone I'm beefing with is 18 and just likes the same YA archetypes as everyone else at that age but if 10k bitches can post it on ao3 I can hate on it. especially because it erases a supremely well done character that they made out of a lol champion I wouldn't even think twice about when she first released like that's a talent and that's work

and also if people want to complain about female characters in media it feels disingenuous to then remove agency from complicated female characters we do have to make them one dimensional - like one thing you cannot say about jinx is that she's flat - in personality I mean cause well. she is an active dynamic character with insane narrative potential and a lot of layers and being both a victim and a victimiser is an important part of that

my main hopes for season 2 are honestly

*I hope its consistent internally with its own ideology </3 I think s1 at the end starts unraveling a lil because it seems to despair for this both sides ass take but it just wouldn't make any sense with league lore or the show itself. here I mostly fear for ekko gkbknj

*everybody should become a somewhat worse person, like vi provably will because she will become an enforcer, caitlyn seems to also be heading for some corruption arc, obv viktor is there, so I think this will be fulfilled teehee

*I want jinx to have her own arc and I mean an arc where she develops her own goal and motivations outside other characters too and maybe this goal will be to love evil till the day she dies, ill take it!! I just think seeing jinx grow outside that child/flighty troublemaker into a full on villain/terrorist will be fantastic and will also give her actual league lore another layer that hopefullyyyy they can continue to build on (and they will never stop banking on jinx like that's basically leagues mascot)

*mel survives </3 like it would be way too much of a loss of a great character to give her so little storyline of her own, she needs to be in s2

*overall, sorry to be a freak but I'm a tragedy lover and enjoyer and I know they are tied to champion lore somewhat now but I still hope it ends sad or bittersweet for everyone. and when you say tragedy people often think of character death but that's probably the least tragic ending you can give a bitch, the true hollowness in losing everything you once were and could have been is what im talking about!!

*I did say this before but I hope jinx kills imagine dragons in arcane universe. first of all they are touring in israel so they deserve that but also it would be really funny to see them on her list of victims like just whole ass imagine dragons under silco or sth

[walkawaytall]

Audiobooks for which I think the narration vastly improves the book consumption experience:

The Anthropocene Reviewed by John Green, narrated by John Green - this is John’s first non-fiction book and his narration of the book imbues the text with the right balance of emotion. I cry every time I listen to it, especially the chapter “Googling Strangers” (a version of which you can hear on the podcast that the book kind of spun off from for free if you want). I think John was the perfect narrator for this book and I can’t imagine anyone else reading it. In case you’re wondering, my favorite chapter is “Bonneville Salt Flats”.

The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins, narrated by Tatiana Maslany — Tatiana is an actress (I mainly know her from an arc on Heartland and a couple of episodes of Parks and Rec, but she was apparently the main character in Orphan Black and has done a bunch of other stuff) and this really comes through in her narration — in a good way. She’s a fantastic voice for Katniss’ inner monologue and I don’t find her read of other character’s voices distracting or confusing in any way. Granted, I knew the stories before listening to the audiobooks, but I enjoyed these so much that, not only did I buy them so I would stop using up Hoopla borrows on them, I also have suggested them to like ten people this year and looked to see if Tatiana had narrated anything else that I might find interesting (she hasn’t done any other audiobooks from what I can tell, which is a real shame).

The Truly Devious Series by Maureen Johnson, narrated by Kate Rudd - I also went looking for anything else narrated by Kate Rudd and was not disappointed — she’s narrated over 500 books, including some of John Green’s novels. But the Truly Devious series is just really fun. It’s a YA murder mystery series. The first three center around the same mystery while the next two (and I assume any subsequent additions) are standalones with the same central cast of characters. Kate does an excellent job of reading the engaging source material and I think I have enjoyed every book I’ve heard her read; I just also happen to really like this series.

I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy, narrated by Jennette McCurdy — I think for a memoir as heavy as this one, it only makes sense for Jennette to read her own words. The book is great, her narration is great, but it’s probably not for everyone. Jennette’s story of becoming a well-known child actress at the behest of her mother only to realize once her mom died of cancer that their relationship was abusive is somewhat harrowing, but there is hope woven in as well.

Thistlefoot by GennaRose Nethercott, narrated by January LaVoy — this book is really good but it also gutted me (I won’t spoil anything, but do maybe look up content warnings prior to consuming) and January LaVoy did a really good job. If her name sounds familiar to my Star Wars peeps, it probably is: she read the audiobook for Bloodline, some of the stories in the From A Certain Point of View series, and the new recording of The Courtship of Princess Leia (lol) among others, but she has also narrated loads of non-Star Wars material. Loved this book, loved her narration of it.

Special mention:

The All Souls Trilogy by Deborah Harkness, narrated by Jennifer Ikeda — this is a special mention because I do not actually suggest these books at all. The first one starts out fairly promising with a seemingly interesting and strong main character who suddenly loses all of her personality and agency the moment she meets a hot vampire, and it’s not because she’s being compelled or anything interesting like that. By the end, the only “character” I really liked was the house that Diana’s aunts owned? (Well, I also spent a chunk of the first book hoping that the weird number of times Matthew warned Diana that his stallion bites would turn out to be foreshadowing that the horses were all vampires, but that unfortunately never panned out.) Anyway, these books are not good but I am convinced I kept listening to them even after swearing off the series after the first book because of Jennifer’s narration. And then they switched narrators for the weird little follow-up fourth book about Phoebe becoming a vampire (Time’s Convert) and I wasn’t able to finish it. (And that is not me saying that the narrator of Time’s Convert isn’t good. She narrated Leia, Princess of Alderaan and also did the Leia chapters in The Princess and the Scoundrel, which means I have told multiple people that I wish she would have read the whole book rather than switching off with whoever did Han’s chapters. She’s a fine narrator. What I’m saying is that Jennifer Ikeda was good enough to keep me listening even when I hated what was being read to me while another perfectly fine narrator couldn’t do that, and that’s saying something.)

[youareinlove]

I don’t know if you’ve ever done it, but have you ever wrote one long analysis of cardigan and the whole teenage love triangle?

i have a breakdown of folklore as an album that touches on the teenage love triangle, but i didn't go as in-depth as i would like to and talked more about how the songs related to folklore's overall themes as an album versus individual inspirations. also i think my opinion on some of the inspiration behind it has become more well-rounded so i'll put more of that here

so i think most people know by now that augustine, betty, and james are the main players of the folklore love triangle. cardigan = betty's perspective, betty (song) = james's perspective, and august = augustine's perspective. the most fundamentally important part of understanding the love triangle is that taylor is all three of them.

cardigan so cardigan is the first we hear of the teenage love triangle on folklore, which i think is so interesting because it's not the obvious choice. while betty (song) and august are narrated by teenagers (and you can TELL), cardigan is clearly narrated by an older betty who has done some maturing. the story's told from the perspective of someone who has processed what happened, while the other two (especially august) feel like active processing. cardigan tells the same story that betty (song) does, but in a much more vague way, which confused me initially but now makes sense to me because the song isn't really about the events that happened, betty (song) does that job. cardigan is an intensive look at how those events impacted betty as a person. betty, presumably in her teenage years and during the bulk of her relationship with james, is outlined as someone who doesn't have the ability to validate herself and needs to get that from someone else. we can assume that this is because of 1) daddy issues ("leaving like a father") and 2) the world invalidating her perspective ("when you are young they assume you know nothing"). she gets that validation from james, her boyfriend ("hand under my sweatshirt, baby kiss it better," "and when i felt like i was an old cardigan, under someone's bed / you put me on and said i was your favorite"), but loses it very suddenly when he cheats on her and breaks her heart ("a friend to all, is a friend to none / chase two girls, lose the one"). it's a formative moment for her because the relationship was her lifeline in many ways and not having that hurts her all over again ("you drew scars, around my scars, and now i'm bleeding"). the bridge talks about james rushing to fix things, but also it isn't really about that because it isn't about him. it's about how she had to learn to give herself what she was looking to james for, and she does ("cause i knew everything when i was young"). she honors her own perspective, voice, and agency, and the fact that she was perfectly capable the entire time. the point isn't that he put her on and said she was his favorite, the point is that she doesn't need him to do that anymore but had to learn that the hard way. starting the story with cardigan seems like a questionable decision because of how mature it is, but it also makes sense in a lot of ways because knowing how the events of the story affected betty is pretty crucial to understanding betty (song). also i think there's something to be said about how she chose to begin with the woman's perspective.

august next we get to hear from augustine. augustine is the "other woman" or the one james cheats with, and her sympathetic portrayal is very, very important (more on that later). we get to know that she was really in love with james and didn't feel casual about him at all, but was treated casually because he just didn't like her the way she liked him. the song is very much her processing this and feeling used and discarded, but also kind of dejectedly recognizing that she never had a shot because he was never really hers. august and foolish one really are sisters in that way. also there's like, a heavy implication that james was her first time (iykwim) and that's part of why it hurts so much that it ended the way it did. i think the best part of august is the way that she shows us without directly telling us the differences between how augustine and betty experienced their relationship with james. betty gets closure, augustine doesn't. betty (in cardigan) has verse after verse of different moments with james, because she was with him for years, but augustine talks about the moments during the summer (many of which are from like, the same day) over and over because that's all she had. it's subtle but it's there

betty (song) there is something so very intentional about the guy getting to say his piece last (i have no other elaboration lmfao, just wanted to start off with that). so betty (song) is like, the most clear-cut about What Happened which i believe is because betty and august have to process and think about how it affected their life and their person but james just gets to think about the story because he was the one fucking around and hurting other people. he knows he needs to apologize, and i don't feel the need to elaborate on that apology too much because it's like, in the lyrics lol. but i think betty (song) showcases the closure betty got that augustine didn't. whether or not she took him back is up for debate, and whether or not the apology is good is also up for debate, but at the end of the day neither of those things matter because the point is that it's an open-ended resolution to the story. you get to see how much he cares about betty and how little he cares about augustine (just a summer fling indeed).

the gender of it all it's impossible to ignore gender here because it's SO important to the story, specifically for betty and james. a lot of betty's initial struggle of being invalidated and diminished is because she's a smart teenage girl, and there's nothing society hates more than a young girl with opinions. they're both young teenagers, but the dichotomy of how their youth factors into their story is very intentional. for betty, she's told she "knows nothing" because she is young. her perspective is considered less important, she's made to doubt herself as so many young girls are when it comes to their instincts. even though adult betty is able to recognize that she was right the whole time and "knew everything when i was young," one of the greatest pains of the relationship for her was the way she was forced into that recognition. for james, he gets to say "i'm only seventeen, i don't know anything." he gets to dodge responsibility and make excuses for himself because of his age, and society is like "ok makes sense." his wrong perspective is only propped up and validated, which is a stark contrast to how betty feels. for augustine, as the "other woman," it would be easy for the narrative to encourage the popular and kinda sexist narrative that she got in the way of the relationship and was a homewrecker/evil mistress. but instead, she gets to be a teenage girl who was hurt. the narrative tells you that she's a kid who maybe made a mistake but it doesn't blame her. that's a luxury that's usually only afforded to men (and the luxury james takes advantage of).

real life inspiration i have to keep this part short bc i'm about to hit character limit but there are shades of her relationship with jake in august (having your first time and it feeling special but then being discarded and feeling kinda used) and some of the hurt around it. her relationship with harry (see: 1989 vault) feels like a driving force around the love triangle as well, because it's a very similar story. and i also think that the summer of 2016 with joe is a part of all this. people have said that august feels a lot like if cruel summer went the other way and they're right (again, there's some bits and pieces that are more sex-adjacent but that's another thing). and some of the references to betty's mental health and how james made things feel ok is very her & joe in 2016. it's kind of a lot of different events in her life and i think writing the love triangle helped her unpack how some of them led to each other. also impossible to ignore the similarities between how the world invalidated her for years and how the world invalidates betty

[growling]

for the ask game (with either raincode or danganronpa) :

👛 your favorite rare pair?

💕a ship you’d defend with your life?

♠️ favorite protagonist?

(from this ask game)

👛 your favorite rare pair?

I don't think much about danganronpa shipping anymore (my brain is now just permanently rotating enoshima, kamukura, komaeda, ouma and kiibo there like rotisserie chickens instead, i am TOO BUSY!!!), so rain code it is: yumayomi/kokohell/the japanese side calls it yumayomi ig and the english side does not call it anything because no one except me and like 2 other people care. yuma & yomi are just so objectively hilarious as a duo and the possibilities of putting them in Situations are fucking endless nobody does it like they do it. every day another yuma and yomi au idea establishes itself in my mind i am running out of storage room i have so many other things i should care about that aren't wacky rain code yaois but guess what i cannot they won't let me

(also fubuyomi honorable mention. I have to mention fubuyomi they also drive me but I have zero words to describe it. oh and worshipper x priest despite me keeping silent about it for a solid few months i did not forget religious serial killer toxic sludge yaoi anyway have you listened to we will commit wolf murder by of montreal for no reason in particular)

💕a ship you’d defend with your life?

zero hesistation ougoku danganronpa like what is you people's PROBLEM??? "it's abusive" jesse what the fuck are you talking about. Ouma did not "manipulate" him Gokuhara knew exactly what he was doing. Ouma explicitly told him his plans for the Insect Meet and Greet in the FTE's right before the event, and Gokuhara got mad at him because he lied about liking bugs, (which Ouma had to do because you've all seen how Gokuhara reacts to people that don't. you've seen it) NOT because he suddenly realized he was being manipulated or something. So many people dismiss the sheer amount of agency Gokuhara actually had in chapter 4, in favour of painting the situation as just "poor stupid baby gonta got tricked into murder by the big bad ouma :((((" while. he is not STUPID (HE IS LITERALLY A SCIENTIST??) he was not COERCED into his crimes, he was a WILLING ACCOMPLICE!!!!!! I FEEL LIKE I'M LOSING MY GODDAMN MIND!!!!! He did it in a misguided attempt at mercy killing his classmates after finding out the world got fucked and everything sucks now. There are multiple pieces of dialogue that highly imply Ouma did in fact also want to mercy kill the class - which also makes sense as it would end the killing game (you know his. main. true. goal.) This would mean that he only started his plan to become the “mastermind” after Gonta told him to not die with him <- this one's quoted from my favourite dr theory blog jacksmusesdrv3 hello hava good day I couldn't find another way to word this myself. "Ouma faked being sad Gokuhara's about to be/got executed in front of him" his reaction literally parallels Kuzuryuu's to Pekoyama's death buddy. buddy. Ouma's entire thing is that he lies about lying about lying about lying WHY are you taking his word at face value why are you believing whAT THE LIAR IS TELLING YOU?????? WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING. PUT ME OUT OF MY FUCKING MISERY I CANNOT TAKE THIS. People treat Gokuhara like he's stupid (which is "funny" (he said through clenched teeth) since isn't that the entire thing everybody ingame severely underestimates him and then. i can't) while he and Ouma are two of some of the smartest people in the game. And! Gokuhara is perfectly capable of lying and having ulterior motives we've all saw him do that right :)))) multiple times right :)))))) Gokuhara even SAYS Ouma didn't trick him BECAUSE HE DIDN'T. HE DID NOT. These two have the some of the most genuine dynamics in dr, and the best in ndrv3, and you dare disrespect them like this. shame on you. SHAME. People always assume the worst in Ouma, and the best in Gokuhara. This is my personal hell. I am not okay.

♠️ favorite protagonist?

Easily Yuma, beating literally all of dr's protags (though dr1 Naegi has second place. I love you Naegi Makoto). Where do I even start? I think I'm too tired after the above rant to articulate myself anymore and I think if I wasn't that essay would take an entire week to finish lmao.

Thanks for the ask anon :3 !!!

[keithbutgay]

Whumptober Day 1: "How many fingers am I holding up?" ft Sigma

A black haired boy at a playground. He never told that blonde about the gum in her hair.

A violet eyed boy- the same boy, mind you- eating dinner. He never let it slip how he was giving his food to the little dog under the table.

A brilliant but sickly boy, hiding his cello in his room and playing it only when alone.

Images flashed through the puppet's mind. They didn't make sense, and seemingly had no connection to each other. How did I get here?

A gleam in hungry eyes as the boy notices the assassin silently closing in on his parents.

A smirk as he watches them fall.

A single tear as he tells the police that he saw nothing.

Everything is rapid fire. The puppet can only watch as the scenes play through.

The boy smiles when he learns of his ability. Laughs when the first victim crumples to the floor. Steps unaffected into the puddle of blood to watch the light fade from the older man's eyes.

The puppet is screaming, shoving at walls. They don't want to see this. They don't know why they're here. Red is filling their button eyes as hair made of yarn obscures their face.

The boy, now a man, speaks to a bird, a dove with a card over its eye and a long white braid. He tells it that it will be free. He tells it that it will find love. He promises it justice. Spinning lies, upon lies, upon lies.

The puppet has sunk into a corner. They are sobbing, but they don't matter to the man. Nothing does.

Amethyst eyes meet tourmaline orange. Those eyes have just opened for the first time, but it feels like forever ago. A name is called out, just barely heard over the wind and snow, calling Sigma. Sigma, Sigma Sigma as the sky gets brighter-

The puppet- Sigma, they remember, blinks open to a dark room. They blink again, unsure they’ve opened their eyes, but nothing has changed.

There’s nothing here. No people, equipment, nothing but the screaming in their head and the knife buried in their side. 

The world feels fuzzy. It doesn’t make sense. They feel like they’ve been stuffed with cotton, run through a laundry machine, and then hung up to dry. Licking their chapped lips, Sigma feels the sting of a split and tastes blood. They don’t have the energy in them to care.

They keep blinking, but their blinks are lasting longer and longer as their eyelids become heavy. If there’s nothing here, there’s nothing to stay for.

Quick footsteps suddenly sound through the room as two people walk towards them. Bleary eyes open once again, and cream white bandages seem to glow in the darkness of the room. 

The shapeless being made from mercury kneels down on one side, the one made from fire on the other.

Sigma just wants to go back to sleep.

Bandages glow again, and they are shaken gently as soon as their eyes start to drop. They don’t know why. They are so tired.

“-Igma. Sigma, hey.” the mercury says. A blob moves in front of their face. “Look at me. How many fingers am I holding up?”

They can’t think. Everything is so cloudy.

The flame swears. “They’re losing blood fast. We need to get them out of here and to your scary doctor.”

Sigma doesn’t understand. Who’s losing blood? Does someone need help? “The- the agency,” they croak out, choking on the words. “I have to tell them. Dostoyevsky-” An arm lifts up their back, moving them so they can be carried through blinding halls. Their eyes drift closed. “I have to tell them…”

A hand moves hair out of their eyes. Real, keratin hair, no longer yarn. Buttons have been replaced with muscles and veins.

“Don’t worry. You’ll make it. I did promise after all.” But Sigma doesn’t hear the voice filled with concealed panic.

Their eyes slide shut for the final time.

They’ve never been without strings before. Is this what it feels like?

[laufire]

Author Questionnaire Tag Game

I was tagged by @aninkwellofnectar a few days ago (ty!)

About Me

When did you start writing?

Pretty much as soon as I knew how. I remember writing short stories about a fairy –a very early prototype of what later would become Eva, my first OC–, when I was around 6, 7 years old. Back then I also illustrated them, though the lack of practice means that I probably can’t match my skill back then lol. I also remember writing “fanfic” based on a little children’s book about a lost baby whale. I don’t know which one came first lol. It was in my early teens when I started writing in earnest, in this ancient computer that gave up on me, making me lose a lot of what were probably terrible, but very imaginative stories 😔

Are there genres/themes you enjoy reading different to the ones you write?

When I write it’s almost wholly in the fantasy genre, though as it is vast, that can look very, very differently. Currently I happen to be reading two books whose styles and themes match my own writing, or what I want it to be: “The Bloody Chamber and other stories” by Angela Carter, and Olvidado Rey Gudú by Ana María Matute, but I also read plenty of books from genres I don’t write in: mystery, non-fiction, poetry, historical fiction (though most of it was contemporary in its time), etc.

Is there an author you want to emulate, or one to whom you're often compared?

There are authors whose prose I envy and I like to think can influence my own (though I know that’s an ambitious goal I have yet to reach): Angela Carter, Vladimir Nabokov, Hope Mirrlees… I would die happy, if I was ever compared to the likes of them lol.

Can you tell me a little about your writing space?

My preferred place is in my bedroom, at my desk, in my laptop. Though lately I’ve moved to the living room’s table, where there’s air conditioner :))). I also write A LOT on my phone, mainly when I’m away from home or in the public transport.

What's your most effective way to muster up some muse?

Reading. Not just in my own genre(s), but in general. For example, one of my stories was reshaped after reading a non-fiction book that analysed the history of Lois Lane’s character, introducing me to the concept of sob sister (a female journalist stuck in the advice columns for the lovelorn), leading to the creation of an original character and a new direction and more grounded historical setting for the tale.

I also find poetry and music a good source of inspiration. There are several instrumental playlists on youtube that instantly put me in the mood to a particular story or ~mood, thanks to long-term self-conditioning :P

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

It’s not unlikely, though it’s often not straightforward, and more about little details, specific dynamics (especially family or gender dynamics), and so on. I do use places I know as inspiration from settings, to transmit the feeling I want them to give to the audience. In that sense, growing up in a rural town and then living in a very busy city has been a privilege, for the variety that has offered.

Are there any recurring themes of your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

The fight to regain lost agency, dysfunctional families and communities and the struggles to escape them or live within their constrains, “love is not enough”, the relationships between women in all their forms. None of these surprise me, as they’re things I’ve always been drawn to in other people’s stories.

My Characters

Would you please tell me about your current favourite character?

Lucretia, Lucretia, Lucretia. Imperatrix of my heart. She is the protagonist of the novella I’m currently drafting; one with a villainous vent, but the hero in her own journey, of course. There are other protagonists I might love more, but she’s the one occupying my mind right now.

The story is about her, a visionary vampiress belonging to a matriarchal society of vampires with praying mantis-like habits, who saw the (so far incidental to the plot lol) zombie apocalypse as an opportunity to subjugate humanity. However, she has enemies among her own people; namely, Dana, a vampiress who once committed high treason and paid dearly for it, who’s groomed her daughter Raina to become Lucretia’s political rival.

But Lucretia runs a tight ship in her Underground Elysium. She rose from the lowest depths of her society to the very top, she’s calculating, paranoid and pitiless, and she won’t allow anyone to rob her of her hard-earned power.

(have a little "teaser" here)

Also, a small shout out to Jason Todd, in terms of where my head is at for fanfiction, because detective comics comics truly has me in its clutches. Again smh.

Which of your characters do you think you'd be friends with in real life?

There are a few candidates, but I feel I would’ve fit in well with the group in one of my series, “The Wicked Witches of Trickstown”, back when I was their age. Even when they don’t always fit that well with each other LOL, each of them is someone I could get along with, from the scrappy, easy-going Sadie, to the sceptic and abrasive Gillian, the intuitive and quiet Denise, the ambitious control-freak Judith, the zen and adaptable Dinah, or the kind and non-conformist Leo.

Which of your characters would you dislike most if you met them?

Probably everyone in “Underground Elysium” lol, except Graciela (Lucretia’s human maid; she always looks among those with artistic talent, and she’s an excellent ballerina. Melancholic, and more than meets the eye). And maaaaaaaybe Raina, but she’s still under construction.

Tell me more about the process of coming up with your characters.

It’s too varied to say something so definite. I often feel the need to write a particular kind of character, something I find myself craving and not finding so easily in other works; this was the case for Lucretia, in my quest for cold, unendingly ambitious female protagonists who create their own enemies <3. Or something or someone else sparks my imagination, like with sob sister!Lois, and I pull from that threat until I have something fully-formed.

Do you notice any recurring themes/traits among your characters?

I love writing characters that move things forward in the story, for better or worse. Characters who fail and regress and who have unconventional developments, who yearn for freedom and who have goals they’re willing to fight for, though they won’t always win, and even if they do, a pyrrhic victory is very much in the cards.

How do you picture your characters?

I like having solid face claims, as I feel it helps me visualise them much better. For example, for Lucretia I picture DeWanda Wise, an actress I met in the second season of Underground, one of my favourite shows. For Dana, please picture Jessica Chastain with medium-length hair in an understated yet classy black pantsuit lol.

My Writing

What's your reason for writing?

It’s what I do, and I can’t imagine not doing it. I’d rather keep this and have everything else removed from my life than the reverse, as dramatic as that will sound.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers?

I share little of my writing (yet), but what I love most is when, even just with a small excerpt, I can tell I’ve awoken someone’s curiosity; that they’ve given thought to what I’ve written, approaching it with a “yes, and” mentality that shows me they’re engaged with what I have to tell.

How do you want to be thought of by those who read your work?

My grandest ambitions are about people finding my writing captivating, vivid, and thoughtful. Something that they’ll ruminate on and pause at, maybe pondering what they’ve read or enjoying a turn of phrase or description.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I like to think that my characters feel memorable and novel, and that the work I put on creating an ~ambiance with my narration pays off.

What have you been frequently told by others is your greatest strength as a writer?

I’ve been told I’m good at crafting interesting, gut-wrenching dynamics between characters, and at making them visualise a space.

How do you feel about your own writing?

There is definitely a lot of work ahead of me, both in terms of craft and in terms of consistency. I tend to fall prey to perfectionism, though I try to work with that instead of completely setting it aside, because it’s also a motor to my drive for self-improvement. Writing in a language that’s not my mother tongue adds some complications, but it’s also something I’ve found motivating.

If you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?

Yes. I write from a need to see the stories I conjure in my mind in action, but also from a love of the process itself, difficult as it might be. External recognition and praise is very nice, and validating, and I love getting it, but ultimately I know I can live without it, if not as my happiest, as long as I myself am proud and appreciative of what I write.

Fandom has been good practise in that sense, because though it’s easier (way easier, in some cases) to get attention there than with original fiction, my tastes tend to be niche enough that one (1) comment in a fic is already reason for extreme celebration lol. I know what to expect.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? if it’s a mix of the two, which holds the most influence?

As of now, not really. At most I think of my friends and mutuals, the very few people likely to read me, and hope they enjoy what I wrote, in the spaces we share, but it does not factor in my decisions (unless I’m writing a personalised prompt). If I end up trying to publish commercially, in whatever manner I choose, it will inevitably enter my calculations. Though as I aim to land a different primary source of income, I hope I can still have room to prioritise my own preferences, as much as possible.

tagging: @richiepapes @snowdropsnake @wildhuntwritings @nightingalesighs @angelfishofthelord (no pressure)

[heres-to-all-that-is-mine]

I'm thinking of making a IEYTD AU with supernatural elements.. a few ideas I have is something SCP inspired with Phoenix being an agent to contain/cover up the existence from the public, maybe John Juniper being a non-human being that uses his supernatural abilitites in his acting career (OR doesn't because his ego is so big he wants to act without "cheating"), or maybe one where Phoenix is going on a normal mission and stumbles into a situation far outside what they are used to.. do you have any suggestions?

Ooo! That sounds Neat! Let’s see here…

Myself, I’m personally more-than-partial to the latter idea! They go into a mission and accidentally stumble into something they’d never expected!

But I also have a proposition for you. Phoenix, while human, is maybe slowly becoming not so human… due to the strange properties of the crystal in their head. Sure; the other EOD agents have the same chip, and they also experience some side effects. But Phoenix… I wonder what kind of effects all they’ve been through could’ve had.

At the same time, they accidentally stumble into - let’s say Juni, because I like him (of course). The man’s got charisma practically dripping off of him, and as it turns out, that might be due to more than just his charming personality and good looks… but, at the same time, the man doesn’t use these powers to be a better actor. (Not really, anyway). Because that’s cheating, as you said! But dealing with a strange person who’s been stalking you in the dark? …now that’s free game.

Of course, it turns out they’re from the Agency - sent to protect him, apparently, from Zoraxis (oh, the irony).

Maybe he has some sort of power of, idk, something like hypnotism. “Siren” feels rather cliche, but, hmm. Either way he manages to get them under, hence the answers he gets, but finds something is… weird about them, and eventually loses his grip on them. Perhaps people don’t usually remember what he’s done when he’s done with them, and as such they have no idea what just happened beyond a sense of unease (and the taste of blood on their tongue - when did their nose start bleeding?), but Juniper “comes to the rescue” and explains he saw them collapse and are they okay?

Etc. hope this helps!

[pridepages]

It’s a Metaphor: This is How You Lose the Time War

I just finished This is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone. I have thoughts...

Here there be spoilers!

Mix Red and Blue together and what you get is a novella painted entirely through with purple prose.

Time travel is a trope that used to evoke a sense of action-adventure in science fiction. Think Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure or Back to the Future. But after the meteoritic rise of The Time Traveler’s Wife, the genre became one that was less driven by science and more by magic touched with romance.

Amal El-Mohtar & Max Gladstone’s This is How You Lose the Time War swings hard to the latter. The story follows two competing organizational bodies known as The Agency and Garden. Each has access to the power of time travel, and their goal is to send agents through the multiverse’s various time streams--known as “strands”--to bend events to their respective desired outcomes.

Two of their best--The Agency’s agent “Red” and Garden’s agent “Blue”--cross paths throughout the strands while on competing missions. Until one day...or does it really start then? Red finds a piece of paper marked: “Burn before reading.” It’s a letter from Blue herself, and it kickstarts a romance that transcends the limits of space and time conducted almost entirely through letter.

Let’s cut to the drawbacks first: What are The Agency and Garden? How did they figure out time travel? Why are they so determined to wage war against each other to manipulate history? To what purpose does either manipulate history? We don’t know. We never really get to know much about any of these players or how they work. It becomes clear really quickly that the whole book is a slew of evocative imagery powered by overarching metaphor. The Agency appears to represent a cold, techno-driven vision of society (think The Matrix) and Garden appears to represent a more “natural” return-to-the-land type of world. The idea of time being represented either by the march of progress or by the endurance of the world as human ages pass it by is nothing new. So which gains supremacy? Why are they fighting each other? The answers respectively are: ‘neither’ and ‘unclear.’

As it turns out, we’re meant to be less interested in the wider world than we are in the psychological developments of Red and Blue, each of whom are rebels in their respective worlds. Red longs for individualism and Blue hungers for ownership, each of these wishes leave them dissatisfied and threaten the stability of their worlds. Consequently, their correspondence must be conducted in secret--they hardly ever share the page together.

So let’s circle back to what people love about this book. Truthfully, I don’t think there is anything more quintessentially lesbian than about 200 pages of yearning, falling in love by letter, and never co-existing in the same space. And it’s full of romantically poetic lines designed to drive the reader feral. (If I tried to quote all of them, we’d be here all day.) Why waste time trying to understand the convoluted mechanics of the plot when you can soak up the romance of long-distance forbidden love?

So in all, the appeal of Time War to me is that with its pseudo-science, magical realism, pretentious prose, and romance, it becomes the queer answer to Time Traveler’s Wife. Which is great! I enjoyed every minute of it. (But I’ll confess, I’m not sorry that it’s short and sweet.)

So if you’re picking this one up: sit back, relax, and let it wash over you. The only way to really lose the Time War is to try to take it too literally.

[hrodvitnon]

Fears of Gods

Heya, been a stretch since my last submission; but you could kinda say I got a little inspired by that other love one. So naturally, I decided to go the total opposite route and propose some HCs on the Titan’s deepest fears. Obviously very angsty, but there are some less serious irrational ones in here too. 

Rodan (Powerlessness/Loss of Agency): I do think Rodan’s rebellious streak/refusal to follow authority sometimes is a direct expression of this. If anything, I feel like he’d value his freedom and sense of self more than anything (typical bird mindset: flight is freedom). This is why he constantly pushes Godzilla’s authoritative limits and also why he hates Ghidorah so much. I also think that he’d be the most freaked out by Shimo and Ozzy’s situations, to the point of possibly wanting to stay as far away from Skar and Xenilla as possible (this is also why I thought him getting partially infected with the space shrooms would be such a dire moment, because he’d rather die than end up like Ozzy). Also has an irrational fear of jellyfish that Goji teases him about.

Mothra (Apathy): I feel like Mothra would have a very different perspective on many things from her hive-mind state/having experienced death in the past. If she has anything to be deeply afraid of, I think it would be becoming hollow or nihilistic. While it’s a strange fear, I think that she has seen enough to know that this is sadly a common occurrence in Abraxasverse. She watched Abraxas spiral into this, had a brother who functionally had no soul, and possibly had to witness the brutal recovery of Ozymandias. Abraxas-verse is a dark place, and the thing Mothra fears the most is ceasing to care about anything, being so mentally destroyed that you just check out. She’s afraid that she’ll just give up one day. 

Godzilla (Loneliness): I don’t think that Goji really even knew what it meant to not be alone until pretty recently. Now that he does, he could never go back to how he was before. I think a large part of this is that he hates being ignored or devalued, which pretty clearly stems from being the litter runt and ignored until his brother started paying attention to him. It is a little sad though, because even though he hates not having people around- he’s notoriously really bad at making friends or establishing relationships and has a bad habit of waiting for someone else to approach him (that’s how he ended up with Mothra and Rodan as his best friends). It doesn’t help that he has an infamous reputation or that he’s practically the last of his kind.

Kong (Loss): Functionally very similar to Godzilla’s. Kong’s managed to gain so much since leaving Skull Island, that the thing he’s now most scared of is losing it all like he lost his original family. This is one major reason he’d be so freaked out about Crawlers in his territory, as that was the exact way he lost everything before, and I don’t think he could bear to do it all again.

Shimo & Battra (Failure): I think that Shimo and Battra would share this one, but both for different reasons. Shimo was saved and taken in by Dagon and Ozzy, and raised in Gojiran society which places a lot on respect. So in her mind, she doesn’t want to disappoint them or be a burden to them. She’d probably have similar feelings after being freed from Skar, and this is also why she’d be so adamant on saving Ozzy instead of killing him. In her mind, she failed him once by getting captured by Skar. Failing him again would be tantamount to death for her. Battra would still have some leftover programming from his own hive-mind days, but we know how heavily he values his duty- and failing at that is the worst possible thing in his mind. However… because he is a free creature now, this is counterbalanced by his inner desire to not fail his few friends that he has; like Mothra, Shimo, and Ozzy. I think there’s a really interesting potential plotline where Battra finds himself at odds with what would be best for the planet (killing Xenilla to prevent devastation) and what would save his best friend that he failed to save so long ago. 

Ozymandias (Hurting his Loved Ones): There’s a profound comparison to be made between Godzilla and Ozzy, where Godzilla seemed to have a natural proclivity to violence but was born as runt of his litter and Ozzy who was born as the largest and strongest Gojiran ever and yet hated fighting. I don’t think Ozzy likes hurting people, I don’t think he ever did. I think he was a kind-hearted person born into an awful situation. I think the worse thing he could do in his own mind was hurt people who had willingly placed trust in him. Furthermore, I think the worst torture that Xenilla ever inflicted on him happened towards the end of his imprisonment, where his body was used to fight and maim his family and friends he was torn from. If he is freed, I can imagine a major setback for him would be unintentionally slipping back into Reaper Programming and attacking someone like Shimo or Goji. He wouldn’t be able to hurt them, but coming to with his claws wrapped around somebody’s throat would probably fuck him up for a while. 

Tiamat (Being Ignored): Very similar to Godzilla. Tiamat is always very loud, promiscuous, and has many peacock-like traits because of (imo) an inner desire to be noticed. But I think a bad habit on her part is going straight for the sex angle whenever she wants to connect with someone. I feel like that’s kind of her way of trying to make friends and it more often leads to superficial relationships. However, I don’t think she really cares, as she’s partially deluded herself into thinking she’s getting her needs met just by sucking and fucking. I think the moment she’d really be challenged on this is when she met Ozzy, who genuinely tried to form a deeper bond with her out of a purely physical relationship.

---

Oh wow, cool! Yeah, these make a lot of sense, and Mothra I think might be in very real danger of ending up “doesn’t really care about anything anymore” in the Genocide Route with all the bleakness inherent in that scenario...

[mariacallous]

I have a feeling of déjà vu. Just like in February 2022, as columns of troops approached my city of Kyiv, I have a feeling of impending apocalypse. Back then, my worry was the Russians. I was thinking of my inevitable death, of soldiers laying their hands on me, torturing me just because I am Ukrainian.

This time, the sinking feeling comes from the West. Our allies, who promised to support us as long as it takes, have other problems to deal with. As Vladimir Putin’s Russia bulks up with weapons from North Korea and Iran, our partners have to restock their armies, help Israel and the Palestinians, and — most of all — struggle for power at home. In Ukraine, we’re left with a sense of rising insecurity, division and worries we might soon be left on our own.

Two years ago, when I said I was Ukrainian, people cheered for my nation. Today, they go silent and look at me as if I’m terminally ill. I can see that they’re sorry for me. They don’t know what to say.

Ukrainians in 2024

If you are tired of this war, imagine how exhausted Ukrainians must be. In a poll carried out at the beginning of the year by the research agency Info Sapiens, 35 percent of Ukrainians said they felt happy, while 58 percent reported being unhappy. In 2022, just 19 percent of us were unhappy.

Another poll, by the Democratic Initiatives Fund think tank, found that some 60 percent of Ukrainians still look with hope to the future. But anxiety is rising. Ukrainians still largely believe in each other, in their army and in its ability to eventually repel a Russian attack. However, fewer think the country will regain the territories Russia has occupied since 2022.

“Ukrainians are losing faith, probably due to the long duration of the war, problems with the supply of weapons, conflicts between the government and the army, corruption scandals, etc.,” said Inna Volosevych, deputy director of Info Sapiens. “However, the majority is still against agreeing to any of Putin’s demands.”

The growing pressure is widening the country’s divisions. Tensions are rising between different groups of Ukrainians: those who serve in the army, those who stayed but do not fight, those who left Ukraine, escaping from war.

“I think the biggest divisions are between those who are absorbed in the war ­— the mobilized and their families, people who lost their loved ones, residents of frontline territories — and those Ukrainians who are still trying to live a normal life,” Volosevych said.

It’s the latter, she added, who were most likely to describe themselves as happy.

“Paradoxically, Ukrainian refugees abroad reported psychological problems almost twice as often as people in Ukraine, and most often they reported a sense of guilt, apparently towards those who stayed,” she added.

Those who left

More than 6.3 million Ukrainians have left the country since the start of the full-scale invasion, according to the United Nations. Taisiia Semenova, a 27-year-old digital marketing specialist from Ukraine now lives in Portugal. She left Ukraine on February 26, two days after the start of the war.

These days she feels she has to be careful with her words. “People may be triggered by my experience in Portugal now, and I do not want to devalue the experiences of Ukrainians who stayed at home and are experiencing constant attacks,” she said. “People might say, ‘It’s easy to say something under the palm trees,’ so I often choose not to share at all.”

She found it painful when President Volodymyr Zelenskyy used his New Year’s address to urge Ukrainians abroad to return — to decide whether they are refugees or citizens.

“It is becoming more and more difficult to communicate,” said Semenova. “Earlier, my friends and I could spend hours discussing plans for self-development and how we will spend the next year: We will look cool, earn more and have better relationships.” Now when she speaks to people back home, their only goals are “to survive and not go cuckoo.”

“My conversations about plans for the future would hardly find listeners,” Semenova said.

Those who stayed

As a Ukrainian who stayed, I understand her predicament. It was my choice to stay, as I felt my country would fall if all of us left. Most of us, a nation of 30 million, stayed home and joined the fight for our country’s existence. We all paid dearly.   

It’s been two years since Putin’s full-scale invasion — two years in which I haven’t been able to plan anything without worrying about a possible missile strike or air raid. In May 2023, we in Kyiv slept only for a week as Russia barraged us with missiles almost every night, trying to test the newly arrived Patriot air defense system.

Every time I turn on the light or hot water in my apartment, I feel blessed and guilty at the same time. Last winter we survived in the darkness and cold of blackouts, as the Kremlin wanted to freeze us into surrendering.

This winter we do have electricity and hot water, but it sometimes seems luxury I don’t deserve. Ukrainians in frontline cities have forgotten about normal sleep, hot water and electricity. Every morning someone loses their home or life. Hope is still there, but slowly falling, like grain from a wheat storage destroyed by a Russian drone.

Life has become a never-ending Groundhog Day of Russian shelling, working, paying taxes, donating and fighting. We are trying hard to stay resilient and keep our sense of humor. 

“Being a Ukrainian in 2024 is when you think about what you are wearing,” said Mila Yaroslavska, a volunteer of the “I will be your back” charity foundation. “If a missile strikes and you are pulled out from under the rubble, dead or not, your photos will be all over the internet.”

“As a woman you want the last pictures of your life to be beautiful,” she said. “So, every night I think through my pajamas. They have to be cute but also warm enough to save you from frostbite in winter when you will lie under the rubble if you are lucky enough to survive and wait for rescuers to dig you out.”

Those who lost everything

Then there are those for whom the war has already taken so much. Serhii Zeinalov, a Ukrainian independent filmmaker, now lives in Kyiv. But all his dreams are about the warm sands and sea of the Kherson region where he comes from. His native town Oleshky has been occupied by Russian forces.  

“My collection of books and records, my film archive, is in someone else’s hands,” Zeinalov said. “I cannot go to my father’s grave. My favorite places of strength — happy places where I could return if something was not going according to plan — simply do not exist, they are destroyed.”

Zeinalov left Oleshky a week before the full-scale invasion. His mother and brother later managed to escape and join him in Kyiv. His grandparents spent 533 days under occupation, leaving their home after it was almost destroyed by flooding after Russian forces blew the Kakhovka dam in the summer of 2023.

“For almost 40 days, my relatives sat on the second floor of our house blocked by water. They shared one can of food per day for two, a dog and a cat,” Zeinalov said. “The murky water swallowed our lives and belongings, along with family treasures.”

Like many residents of territories near or behind the front lines, Zeinalov is pessimistic about an all-out victory over Russia. But he still thinks it’s worth fighting. “The more successful and effective the Ukrainian army will be, the more arguments we will have during negotiations.”

In 2022, Ukrainians united in one giant fist of a nation. In the first two months, with almost no assistance, we showed we were ready to fight the second-largest army on earth.

Amazed by our bravery, the world responded with military and financial aid that helped us take back some 50 percent of the territory Russians had taken in their offensive. Inflows of assistance, the overwhelming support of the free world and — most of all — our unity made us think we could win. Today, that’s getting harder to believe.

[vikingnerd793]

You know what I didn’t mention the other day about Valhalla that I really saw in Asgard? How fantastic Cecilie’s voice acting was as Odin in base game. She took out the rasp (because Odin wouldn’t have voice damage from a wolf bite and that traumatized scream as she mentioned she did that voice for as Eivor), but she also carried her words differently. Much more confidence and boisterousness, no real softness there for much of anyone… no, now that I think about it, no softness at all.

Whereas Eivor is SO SOFT for kids and animals and Randvi and her people (like when she spoke to Tove at Svend’s grave) and even in her brashness, it’s just being grumpy and how she survived in the role she learned to play on her life (seemingly untouchable Drengr and protector of her clan).

It FELT like two different people, as it should have. Yes it’s one person as a reincarnation but as base game shows, they are not truly the same. Eivor’s agency and the personality formed prior to trauma unlocking her memory is a difference. It’s not just something that unravels and she becomes the same thing she always was. She was truly two living as one.

I also have long said that Dawn of Ragnarok this shifts because bleeding effect style stuff starts happening, hence her boasting is all her Eivor memories and her raiding crew is from Eivor’s life and that very key traumatic moment you see a split if you actually play as Havi, and why she says “my son” when she wakes up. I think her voice sounding more like Eivor in that memory is because Eivor was losing a little of that sense of past and present and two living as one (though she was able to maintain it again when she sorted out her emotions at the fireside chats and as you saw in the end monologue atop the longhouse).

I really wish they had maintained this agency and boundary all the way through the end as it made the game so compelling and I also really enjoyed that Cecilie got it. She got the intent and she got the difference. She made sure they sounded different as two lives lived differently: Eivor had a heart in ways Odin just never really did. And you could hear it in every Asgard dialogue.