#you literally cannot replace that cast I don’t care

[nolouisprotested]

now who told them we wanted a twilight tv series 😐 they better pull the plug on that shit right now

[eelhound]

"The idea of reforming Omelas is a pleasant idea, to be sure, but it is one that Le Guin herself specifically tells us is not an option. No reform of Omelas is possible — at least, not without destroying Omelas itself:

If the child were brought up into the sunlight out of that vile place, if it were cleaned and fed and comforted, that would be a good thing, indeed; but if it were done, in that day and hour all the prosperity and beauty and delight of Omelas would wither and be destroyed. Those are the terms.

'Those are the terms', indeed. Le Guin’s original story is careful to cast the underlying evil of Omelas as un-addressable — not, as some have suggested, to 'cheat' or create a false dilemma, but as an intentionally insurmountable challenge to the reader. The premise of Omelas feels unfair because it is meant to be unfair. Instead of racing to find a clever solution ('Free the child! Replace it with a robot! Have everyone suffer a little bit instead of one person all at once!'), the reader is forced to consider how they might cope with moral injustice that is so foundational to their very way of life that it cannot be undone. Confronted with the choice to give up your entire way of life or allow someone else to suffer, what do you do? Do you stay and enjoy the fruits of their pain? Or do you reject this devil’s compromise at your own expense, even knowing that it may not even help? And through implication, we are then forced to consider whether we are — at this very moment! — already in exactly this situation. At what cost does our happiness come? And, even more significantly, at whose expense? And what, in fact, can be done? Can anything?

This is the essential and agonizing question that Le Guin poses, and we avoid it at our peril. It’s easy, but thoroughly besides the point, to say — as the narrator of 'The Ones Who Don’t Walk Away' does — that you would simply keep the nice things about Omelas, and work to address the bad. You might as well say that you would solve the trolley problem by putting rockets on the trolley and having it jump over the people tied to the tracks. Le Guin’s challenge is one that can only be resolved by introspection, because the challenge is one levied against the discomforting awareness of our own complicity; to 'reject the premise' is to reject this (all too real) discomfort in favor of empty wish fulfillment. A happy fairytale about the nobility of our imagined efforts against a hypothetical evil profits no one but ourselves (and I would argue that in the long run it robs us as well).

But in addition to being morally evasive, treating Omelas as a puzzle to be solved (or as a piece of straightforward didactic moralism) also flattens the depth of the original story. We are not really meant to understand Le Guin’s 'walking away' as a literal abandonment of a problem, nor as a self-satisfied 'Sounds bad, but I’m outta here', the way Vivier’s response piece or others of its ilk do; rather, it is framed as a rejection of complacency. This is why those who leave are shown not as triumphant heroes, but as harried and desperate fools; hopeless, troubled souls setting forth on a journey that may well be doomed from the start — because isn’t that the fate of most people who set out to fight the injustices they see, and that they cannot help but see once they have been made aware of it? The story is a metaphor, not a math problem, and 'walking away' might just as easily encompass any form of sincere and fully committed struggle against injustice: a lonely, often thankless journey, yet one which is no less essential for its difficulty."

- Kurt Schiller, from "Omelas, Je T'aime." Blood Knife, 8 July 2022.

[punksocks]

Black Moon Lilith: And Your Untamable Femininity

*based on my experiences, please take this with a grain of salt

Lilith herself is from Judeo mythology, she was Adam’s first wife but she saw herself as his equal and that didn’t work out too well so Lilith got banished and Eve replaced her. Because this comes from a traditionally patriarchal perspective, Lilith was too much of a seductress and an unfit woman so she literally was cast out and became a demon. (Side note: it’s so interesting that the stories all demonize Lilith but Eve had too much receiving feminine energy herself and received the devil’s instructions and ate from the forbidden tree. It’s a very damned if you’re too feminine and damned if you’re not feminine enough sort of myth)

Lilith aspecting your planets and your houses will often charge the native with almost Plutonian energy. Like imo Pluto and Neptune combined, because you’re charged with this dark feminine energy that’s the opposite of light/traditional feminine energy and on top of that people tend to project on to you based off of this energy. You bring a lot of people’s biases to light.

So Lilith charges the native with energy they need to “tame” in order to be considered proper feminine women. Lilith’s interpretations have expanded the more autonomy women have gained.

Nowadays being being a naturally sultry woman is less shameful right? Well no. Never mind how progressive they may act, many people will expose their real behavior to that sort of energy. It really weeds out those who are actually well intentioned from those who aren’t. Even if you say that you want progress for all types of women you may not have done the internal work to become the person that truly acts that way. Do you actually respect women that carry that sexual/untraditional energy or are you only advocating for a traditional/untouchable feminine person?

With friends, family, possible love interests, peers, and even strangers this question is act every time someone with heavy Lilith energy interacts with them. Because of how these relationships tend to go in a patriarchal society that encourages one kind of good femininity, Lilith natives often find themselves being “tamed” (i.e. shamed) for having this energy.

A lot of Lilith natives get ashamed growing up “not acting like proper women”. Because of that Lilith natives tend to try to force a version of themselves that fits this feminine mold. It often doesn’t work and just gives people the impression that you’re hiding something from them. Like you’re acting as a wolf in sheeps clothing when you’re just trying to exist the way they told you you have to and you cannot fully mute your energy to do so.

Most interpretations of BM Lilith are of women/femmes/people reclaiming the power and alternative femininity they tried to stamp down for ages and embracing the often revealing effects that Lilith has for the shadow sides of other people. I think it’s no coincidence that interpreting Lilith as a more complex figure comes with waves of feminism and discourse around what femininity means exactly.

The real trick is balancing Lilith’s energy- being proud of the advantages and strength that can be found in her energy without being consumed by dark aspects of how her energy may manifest.

Lilith in Aries/1st House: You’re fire and passionate incarnate. You stand out as a leader in any room you’re in with your confident aura. You were probably shamed for being head strong and impulsive. But your braveness and how you embrace yourself at your core is admirable. You need to tame your me first behavior, and to be careful not to bully and bulldoze others while still standing in your strength.

Lilith in Taurus/2nd House: You’re so sensual and tactile. You live for the pleasures of food and luxury, whatever your idea of luxury may be. You may have been shamed for being “lazy” but you can be very grounded and sensual. You have to tame your inner hedonist and make sure you don’t get too lost in worldly pleasures and that you don’t use others to achieve these ends. (Don’t swing to other extreme and deny yourself any pleasure either, you deserve to have a good life, just not to be consumed by having one.)

Lilith in Gemini/3rd House: You’re a charmer with wit to spare. You think about everything and analyze all of your thoughts on what is good and what is bad. You were probably shamed for how you spoke and what you spoke about in your youth. You have to tame your desire to be the smartest one in the room and the impulse to reject all learning. We all have to learn from some source that knew better before us, otherwise knowledge would be empty and cyclic. You’re not lesser if you do not know everything.

Lilith in Cancer/4th House: You have an in depth relationship with your femininity. You may have grown up in an chaotic environment with family scandals and secrets and intense emotional dysfunction. You need to tame your desire for total emotional control over people in your life. Through your fear of feeling lonely you may have poor boundaries with others by way of doing too much and intern expecting too much emotional devotion/sacrifice. If you don’t manipulate others to be emotionally tied to you, you’ll open yourself up to genuine emotional connections and healing.

Lilith in Leo/5th House: You’re so fun and seductive. You’re a star that turns heads and knows how to have a good time. You were probably shamed for enjoying attention and affection you received in your youth and you could’ve been shamed for having crushes and such before you even began dating. You have to tame your desire to be the center of attention at all times and to escape away from the problems of life into frivolous affairs. (This another case of balance, which I’m finding a lot with fixed Lilith placements. Don’t run away from attention and close yourself off from affection either. It’s okay to receive attention and to enjoy it, the same with dating and healing and finding emotionally fulfilling relationships)

Lilith in Virgo/6th House: You’re a hard worker and a very efficient one at that. You rarely get enough credit for how many problems you solve and how many people you’ve saved with your smarts. You may have been shamed for being too uptight in your youth when no one was giving you any support to actually be able to relax. You have to tame your inner overworker. It’s okay to take a break, it’s okay to make a mistake, you work very hard but you’re human at the end of the day. It’s okay to take care of yourself. (And to be honest about your s*xual desires) Also watch out, your co-workers may not be trustworthy.

Lilith in Libra/7th House: You’re a beauty and a radiant individual, and you probably have a lot of admirers. You may have suffered a lot of injustice/unfair experiences at certain stages of your life. You need to tame your desire for balancing everything. I’ll explain lol, you probably attract a lot of people that have extreme personalities and you pour a lot of energy into them in order to help balance them out. You may also become anxious or vindictive if you’re rejected romantically. It’s okay to understand where the line can be drawn and to understand that harmony cannot be brought to every person/situation, especially not through the efforts of one person alone. And that’s okay.

Lilith in Scorpio/8th House: You ooze s*x appeal and you probably have a mesmerizing presence. You have a very powerful energy. You were probably shamed for your interest in s*x/sensuality throughout your life. You need to tame your desire to escape from your emotions/trauma into your s*xuality. You also need to tame your tendencies to become obsessed with the taboo. (This needs to be balanced of course. You shouldn’t deny your s*xuality or your interest in the taboo. It takes a special type of person to explore these sorts of ideas. Just make sure it doesn’t consume your inner world.)

Lilith in Sagittarius/9th House: You’re a firecracker with a sense of adventure and a need for freedom on your own terms. You were probably shamed for being outspoken and questioning the institutions around you throughout your life (heavy emphasis on higher education and/or your family’s religion). You need to tame your need for freedom to a degree. If you have interest in traveling to certain places but a fear of becoming too attached to that place you should still go and have that experience. If you have an interest in a certain religion but you’re afraid of being trapped in that setting you should still learn about that religion. Institutions are old and carry their own hierarchies but they shouldn’t scare you away from exploration. (Be careful not to become obsessive either)

Lilith in Capricorn/10th House: You’re a powerful person. You have a certain air about you that gives off dominant/authoritative energy. People in power tend to listen to you. But you were often shamed for having such a domineering presence, whether you were exerting power over others or they were just intimidated by the weight you held. You need to tame this desire for status and power and any urges to become cutthroat in order to social climb. I believe this is why this position can be prone to having a scandalous reputation. It’s important not to lose yourself to gain power because you’ll lose respect. (Saturn lessons bby)

Lilith in Aquarius/11th House: You’re the definition of a free spirit, you’re really a one of kind person in how you express yourself and your tastes. You could’ve been outcasted socially from a young age, and you may have dealt with bullies/groups turning against you. You need to tame your urge to disconnect from the humane. (Again it’s a lesson of balance, embracing what makes you unique and gives you your ability to think outside of the box, but also not going out of your way to socially detach from all people to the point of embracing truly bizzaro behaviors just to feel that freedom.)

Lilith in Pisces/12th House: You are a person with a deeply ethereal sense about you. You tend to ride the line between the hidden and the mundane in all things you experience. It’s the hardest placement to pinpoint where you were shamed exactly, it probably has to deal with your receptive energy and your sensitivity to other energies outside of yourself, and due to your conscious or subconscious experiences you carry effects of this negativity. You must tame you natural inclination to drift, to detach and separate yourself in an effort to escape. You must balance your understanding and acceptance of the spiritual and the internal with your experiences in the world in order to not be lost to the tumultuousness of this placement. (also stay empathetic but prioritize taking care of your mental health)

[thessalian]

This is probably important to know about.

A summary: y'all know how SAG-AFTRA was on strike recently about a lot of things, up to and including the whole thing with voice actors being replaced by AI? Well, the strike ended, but some things didn't quite get ironed out. A lot of people were still not overly keen on the lack of protections voice actors had with regards to their voices being used by AI. So something had to be done.

Something apparently was, or is starting to be. SAG-AFTRA signed a deal with Replica, an AI tech company that deals with voiced AI, about when they can and cannot use a voice actor's voice that way. There are reportedly a lot of protections for the VAs there, though without having seen the actual text of the deal, I couldn't speak to how many loopholes are in it, but I would guess there were a lot.

Why do I guess this? Well, mostly because the minute the news broke on this, every major voice actor out there started flagging up that, despite SAG-AFTRA's claims of having spoken to "leaders in the VA industry" about this, no one had heard about it. I mean, Steve Blum hadn't heard about it, and he is a foundational pillar of the VA industry. So ... SAG-AFTRA is lying when they say that they spoke to "industry leaders", frankly. The question becomes, why?

SAG-AFTRA says, "Oh, you can opt out of letting them use your voice in future!" but ... well, first of all, an AI cannot as yet mimic a human's performance, so their reputation's going to take a hit as their voices end up doing a fairly flat and unconvincing acting job because their voices' stresses and inflections are going to be decided on by a computer that doesn't entirely get nuance. Voice acting is a freelance gig, and if your voice acting gets a bad rep in the industry, you can probably kiss further work good-bye. So what option do you have but let your AI-generated voice do more work? At least there's some money coming in at that point. Which is ugly across the board.

SAG-AFTRA says, "It's entirely opt-in!" but ... what happens when video game companies start demanding that VAs go through AI tech companies instead of casting agents and literally won't hire you unless your voice is AI-generated?

SAG-AFTRA says, "It's only the one AI tech company we have this deal with!" but ... they're talking about being in discussion with several more.

SAG-AFTRA most of all says, and here I paraphrase a bit but not that much: "AI is an innovation and we can't stop it so we're just going to stop trying and make the best of it". Which is not any kind of 'best' at all, for the reasons above.

And on top of all this, and in a similar spirit to that last comment by SAG-AFTRA, Steam has decided to actually let games with AI-generated assets be sold on their platform ... provided, Valve says, that they actually state publicly, on their Steam store page, that the game was made with AI assets and exactly what those AI assets are, so that consumers can make an informed decision. Given what garbage games Steam lets through the screening process anyway, I worry about what they won't catch.

Because I am not going to knowingly touch anything generated by AI. I'm not going to do it. I've seen online friends (mainly Facebook, honestly) who do AI generated images and go, "I know, I know, buuuuut..." And I'm like ... no. Just ... no. Do I commission art as much as I'd like to? No. Could I get all the art I wanted if I would just use an AI image generator? Yeah, with the caveat that bits of it would be weird as fuck. Am I going to do so? NO. The whole point of automation was that it was supposed to do the grunt work while humans created art, not the other way around. I refuse to support it in any fucking way. I don't care if it's "innovation". I don't care that "we can't stuff it back into Pandora's box". I hate it.

I mean, at its heart, AI is just one more way to delay the inevitable bursting of the bubble economy that late-stage capitalism and "fiduciary duty to shareholders" has created. AI means they can cut more labour costs, and make profit margins expand a little more, to keep up the fiction of perpetual growth just a little longer. Companies are going to push this to its limit, and people are going to suffer as a result. I will not support anything to do with that ... well, at least if I have any choice in the matter. The worst part of all of this is that because it is companies who pretty much run everything that are pushing this bullshit, I actually don't really have any choice in the matter most of the time.

It's one more depressing thing, finding out that AI is being parcelled into damn near everything at this point, even things we're more or less forced to use. I hate that Microsoft is just bundling AI wholesale into its next Windows updates, and why I'm holding off on Win11 for as long as possible.

[soulreaper]

idia's flesh and blood younger brother ortho and his replacement magical humanoid younger brother ORTHO are two seperate entities and their parents, idia, and ORTHO himself acknowledge this many times. if true ortho were alive, he would be the same age as the 1st years, but he died!! ORTHO has a mentality that is at least 2 years behind the other 1st years and he was designed to look more like how ortho looked when he died rather than how ortho would look if he was still alive. there is literally no way to not understand that ORTHO is noticeably younger than the rest of the cast and yet people have been saying that he is the same age as the 1st years because they cannot read and want to ship him with the 1st year crew so badly. i don't care if you make up a design for true ortho and ship him with the 1st years, but there is no excuse for drawing that little android in boys love scenarios. get a life and leave my baby brother ALONE!!

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

2023 Movie Journey #5: Ant-Man

ant-man. i loved this movie! it’s just an all-around good time, one of the best franchises in the whole mcu (for me, it’s now my second-favorite, after black panther). 

and the story of me watching this is a fun one: i bought my ticket to see  quantumania before i had ever seen this one or its sequel, presuming based on the cast and everybody i know liking these movies that i had really zero chance of regretting that choice. i just barely squeezed in these movies after buying the ticket--i watched this the night before going to the theater and then i got up early to squeeze the sequel into my morning before i left to see ant-man 3.

because of that time crunch, though, i didn’t fully review these after watching them. i took notes that look more like stream of consciousness bullet points, and now it’s like a year later and i have to make those make sense! lol. here goes.

first off, the action sequences in this movie were way more dynamic because of how it played with the size shifting, and as somebody who desperately needs a reason to care about action sequences, i enjoyed that. they kept it interesting. on top of that, it had so much heist and warmth and fantasy science that this movie balanced the (for me, excessive) action.

i got a full-blown anxiety stomachache during the big heist, because i liked all of the characters and didn’t want any of them to get hurt. special mention here goes out to ant-thony the flying ant: i loved him as soon as we met him, and i also had an instant fear that he wouldn’t survive. thanks, honey i shrunk the kids, for permanently scarring me emotionally as a child. now i am an adult who is terrified of bugs but also has to let them live in my spaces because i cannot kill them. 

scott lang is probably the most sympathetic superhero, though of course that’s subjective. but even though he’s not my favorite (that’s been shuri since black panther), the fact that he only cares about two things in the world when we meet him--and that’s his daughter, and punishing greedy evil rich people and helping those they hurt? just, excellent. this is marvel doing leverage, and i have no complaints.

the graphics of the ants are done really well in this, the cgi wasn’t annoying at all...but they still squick me out. i just don’t like bugs. ant-thony deserved a memorial from scott, though. i didn’t like the feeling that he was replaced by a giant ant pet at the end like all ants are interchangeable. scott had bonded with him! i get that during the action he couldn’t exactly stop and reflect or anything, but either you named your ant friend and you’re genuinely bummed he died, or it’s a punchline and you’ll never think about him again. i prefer the latter.

and like i said, i loved all the characters, but luis’s monologues in the form of attempting to relay important information are the literal best. he is me anytime i try to tell a story. ”i just get excited and stuff.”

my one character exception is the guy played by bobby cannavale, because i just had no use for him, lol. in fact, i didn’t even realize it was him! i kept thinking bobby cannavale’s character looked kind of like bobby cannavale, but not actually like him, through most of the movie--until i was looking something else up and saw his name in the cast. scott’s daughter was great for lots of reasons but her total unimpressedness with bobby cannavale delighted me because i felt the same way.

i thought they handled making scott and hope romantic very well. the actors have good chemistry so i was rooting for them, but the push/pull between  antagonistic and flirty is difficult to do successfully, and they could only move things along so much from her open resentment towards him in the beginning to them being a team by the end. this was too lighthearted a movie to spend much time on Them, so just nodding to it and then making jokes and moving along felt right. 

also i loved that anthony mackie was in this. i’m really not familiar with his character, i saw age of ultron but barely remember it, and i double checked--i’ve never seen any other mcu movie sam is in. BUT i do know the actor, from the hate u give and elsewhere and he’s excellent. so he was a cool choice of character to include and it gave me a nice way to see a little more sam.

the end bits were neat, too. i really love that in hope, they created a genuinely strong female character--not always nice, in fact sometimes an asshole...aka a real person just like male characters are allowed to be. so it felt earned when she realized her father was finally going to work with her at the end. 

and while i find it annoying, as a mostly non-viewer of mcu movies, to have bits with totally other characters and worlds shoved in after the film is over to weave the worlds together and try and make you care about it all...i adore anytime a movie is like ‘X will return’ because when i enjoyed the movie, it’s like a little concluding gift to promise me more--i was really happy when shang chi did the same. 

in the end, my biggest takeaway from this movie is that it is a rare crowd-pleaser. this is one of those movies that, when you’ve managed to avoid watching it for eight years and everybody is eager to tell you how great it is, you can feel a little suspicious of the hype. but it IS that good! as soon as i saw it, i showed it to the one person i knew who hadn’t already seen it, and despite her doubts going in, she also loved it. 

so i can recommend this one to almost anybody, and i wish more movies like this still got made, that are lovable for broad audiences. (i get that marvel movies in general make obscene amounts of money, but i certainly don’t care about most of them, so that’s not what i mean. i want more action movies that make an effort to appeal to people besides action fans. clearly it’s possible!) 

if you have a serious aversion to ants, i would probably advise you to steer clear. but if you like thievery or dads and daughters or michael douglas or a brisk romp with science, this is a really great movie.

[paradisetemporarilymisplaced]

So I was being a basic bitch the other day and listening to my true crime podcasts when it occurred to me just how suspicious Nile’s “death” would look to everyone not in the Guard, leading me to a train of thought that, 2200 words later, absolutely got away from me but I can’t let go so I’m inflicting it on all of you!

To set the stage, we know the movie takes place over approximately a week. Here’s what happens to Nile from the military’s point of view:

She dies is very seriously injured

She heals without a scratch

Just before she’s supposed to be shipped out to Germany, she vanishes, leaving two men concussed (and presumably reporting being knocked out by a woman with short hair wearing civilian clothes)

She goes AWOL for several days

They get word from the CIA that she is to be reported killed in action (details unclear)

So, at the beginning of this very weird week, the USMC has to tell Nile’s family of her death critical injury. What her family was told depends on how long she was dead – a Google search tells me that family will be notified in person within 8 hours of a soldier’s death, but we don’t know how long her first death lasted. For an injury, however, they’d get a phone call to notify them and the unit would arrange for them to visit as soon as the soldier is transferred out of a combat zone. Like I remember when I was in high school, a guy from my church who was a Marine was really seriously injured in a helicopter crash in Iraq and from what I could tell, his parents were told immediately and were flown out to Germany to see him, so it stands to reason that Nile’s family would have been informed relatively quickly after her throat was slashed, one way or another.

And then, she goes AWOL. Her family would be notified while the USMC tried to figure out where she went, not least because the military would want to know if she’s contacted them. (And it’s possible that her family may have been on the way to Germany to see her since we know that’s where she was supposed to go!) So for several days:

Nile’s mom and brother have no idea where she is

They know she was seriously injured and most certainly should not have been moving around on her own

They can’t get a hold of her

The military can’t tell them anything

And the next thing they know for sure is that she was “killed in action.” After being injured and vanishing into thin air. And they presumably cannot produce her body or any concrete evidence of her death. In any case, something sketchy is going on, so they’re like. SMELLS LIKE A MILITARY COVERUP.

In a surprise to probably no one, there is a well-documented legacy of mysterious US military deaths, particularly of women of color (TW for sexual assault in these links). The cases of LaVena Johnson and Vanessa Guillenin particular have made national news because of their families’ persistence in seeking justice. Likewise, Nile is a Black woman, and her mom and brother are most certainly hypercognizant of (a) state violence against Black people and (b) these high-profile cases of suspicious military deaths. So her family are seriously side-eyeing the situation, knowing that (a) the military has a serious incentive (and a documented history) of covering up things that make them look bad and (b) nothing about Nile’s disappearance and supposed death are adding up.

And Andy’s right. Nile does come from warriors. And you know who else does? Her brother.

Don’t get me wrong. Nile’s mom would absolutely not back down. She’d know something was up and want to get to the bottom of it. But based on what I know about Gen X parents (mine), they’re not the most technologically savvy. Like they can use the internet, but they didn’t grow up with it the way we young millennials and Gen Z did. So Nile’s brother takes the lead. And what do zillennials do best?

Social media.

Nile’s brother starts going hard on any site he can, trying to get the word out to see if anyone knows what happened to his sister. He starts a Reddit thread. He starts a Facebook group. He reaches out to the media and true crime bloggers and podcasters à la Sarah Turney, getting loud and being a general nuisance in hopes of getting some answers. He gets his friends and Nile’s friends involved. Maybe eventually Dizzy, Jay, and others from Nile’s unit hear about it and reach out, telling him what they saw and how weird it all was. He’s drumming up interest, and soon “Nile Freeman” becomes a household name (at least among the true crime fans).

Copley is, of course, trying his best, but at this point there is just so much that it’s impossible for him to scrub everything. Sure, he can erase new footage of Nile and the Guard, but what can he do about Reddit threads and podcast episodes that are speculating something weird has happened? Maybe he could hack the sites and shut those things down, but honestly, that’s the last thing he’d want to do, because that only adds weight to the theory that Nile’s disappearance is a military coverup. So eventually he has to tell Andy what’s going on.

Andy, obviously, does not take the news well. However, she is also completely computer illiterate, because that’s Booker’s job and he’s the only one who ever bothered to learn what the internet is in any meaningful way. (She probably calls Booker for advice, and for the record, I think Booker would have no qualms about shutting down conspiracy threads, tinhats be damned, but Copley is too concerned about the consequences. He’s ex-CIA for crying out loud, he knows how it’ll look if they scrub every mention of Nile’s name from the internet.) Maybe she confers with Joe and Nicky but, let’s be honest, they’d be equally unhelpful. So at this point, she knows they have to bring in Nile.

But the thing about Nile is that she, too, knows how to use the internet (duh). Aside from her being a young millennial/digital native, we know from the cave scene where she’s giving Booker suggestions on how to track Copley that she clearly is even more computer savvy than the average person. And for that reason she almost definitely took over the day-to-day tech stuff after Booker’s exile. So I think it would be foolish to expect her to be unaware of what’s happening. She’s not contacting her family or posting on the message boards or anything, but she knows what’s up. So Copley and the team probably sit her down to “break the news,” but we know the girl does not have a poker face (see: literally shooting herself in the foot and not being able to play it cool whatsoever) and cracks immediately, telling them she’s seen everything about her case – she’s not interacting with any of it, she certainly didn’t instigate anything, but she knows. (And she is so goddamn proud of her brother.)

At this point, I’d like to pause and consider Nile’s role in the overall narrative of this movie. She’s set up as a foil to Andy, obviously, but she’s also a foil to Booker. Booker, who, like Andy, is a serious pessimist, but who, unlike Andy, still has very fresh memories and trauma associated with being the new kid, which have destroyed him. In his mind (and Andy’s), if Nile communicates with her family, she’ll become just like him in a century or two – bitter, alone, and stuck with her grief and memories of watching her family die and knowing they died resenting her. It’s a small sample size, but this is the only experience they have to go off of.

But it doesn’t have to be like that.

There’s been a lot of discussion of TOG being a fundamentally queer movie – a group of people brought together because of something inherent about themselves that is different, that must be hidden, that causes others to hate, fear, and reject them. Booker’s backstory is the archetypal traumatic “coming out” story – his family learns who he is, hate him for it, and attempt to cast him out of their lives. He’s stuck with his trauma, his pain, his loss, and it consumes him.

But what if Nile’s family would be the opposite? What if her “coming out” to them as immortal is met with acceptance, love, celebration? What if her family is just overjoyed to have her back, and they don’t care what the circumstances are? I'm reminded of this incredible post from @shitty-old-guard-deaths a while back, where Nile’s mother hits Booker with a frying pan because “my baby let me believe she was dead for FIVE YEARS based on your bad advice???” (which may or may not have inspired this whole tangent). Nile takes the advice of someone who did the same thing she wants to do because she doesn’t want to risk her family’s rejection. She wants the good memories with her family and is afraid that showing them her true self will bring her unbearable pain, forever replacing those memories. But, with high risk comes high reward.

Anyway. Nile and the team are trying to come up with a plan for how to handle this whole thing, but she’s not really participating because she’s too afraid to hope. Until finally, quickly, so she doesn’t lose her nerve, she suggests she reach out to them, knowing that, realistically, that’s the only solution before things snowball even further out of control. The team is shocked, but realize that she has a point. They decide that Copley should actually be the first point of contact, posing as a US government official to talk with them and test the waters.

So Copley goes to Nile’s family’s house to talk with her mom and brother. They’re probably distrustful and apprehensive, but nonetheless secretly ecstatic that their work has paid off. They talk and review all of the information that they’ve collected, including testimonials from the people on Nile’s base and recent sightings (along with photos) of Nile (with the same three people) over the last few years that people have sent them but they haven’t posted publicly. At this point, Copley’s like, yeah this is about to blow up, we gotta put our cards on the table. He convinces them to come with him to some safe house/black site/whatever he can get that is technologically impenetrable (I’m picturing them in like, an interrogation room at a police station kind of deal), takes their phones, locks the doors, and brings in Nile.

What follows is the most delightful reunion scene of all time, bringing Joe, Nicky, and even Andy to tears as they watch and listen from outside the room. With Copley’s help, Nile tells her mom and brother about her immortality and what’s been going on since she died (within reason, of course), and they are thrilled. They don’t understand why (because no one does) but they don’t question it and they see it as a gift from God – she’s been resurrected, she will live, and she has a purpose. Her mother and brother are so happy to see her again and are willing to agree with pretty much anything to stay in her life as long as they can.

So. They set up some complicated agreement (they bring in the other three for support/intimidation as needed) setting the terms of their relationship. They swear Nile’s family to secrecy, maybe bringing up the lab to show how high the stakes are, and they readily agree. They come up with some cover story for Nile’s brother to share on the message boards (maybe that the government has opened an investigation but because it’s an open case he has to shut it all down? Tells people to direct their tips somewhere else? Something to that effect). There’s still speculation, of course, but without Nile’s brother at the helm providing the energy, the hype dies down as news stories are wont to do without any movement. And Nile’s family goes to work for the team. The experience has taught them that Copley can’t possibly do everything himself, especially when it comes to social media, so Nile’s brother takes the lead on the day-to-day tracking/social media while Copley and her mom focus on finding jobs and scrubbing their traces afterward.

So there you have it: Nile gets to integrate her biological family into her found family and spend the rest of their lives with them as it should be, Copley gets some badly needed help managing the reality of social media, the team finally has a positive narrative surrounding outsiders Knowing About Them AND about interacting with people from their previous life, and the audience gets the happy ending to this very lovely and very queer story to counteract the pain associated with Booker’s family.

Plus, you know, I’m a sucker for both a good government conspiracy theory and for Nile getting every good thing she deserves.

[hardestgrove]

it’s interesting to me to hear that dacre thinks billy wouldn’t hang out with the crew even if he got saved and things bc yeah that vibes but it also cements for me that of everyone in the main cast that we get he really would be friends with/closest to eddie.

like lbr, out of everyone in the cast he has the most in common with eddie just on paper. eddie’s also a loner/outsider type like billy, he’s just more personable which would help facilitate a friendship. i can actually see them hanging out and having shit to talk about you know? i struggle to do that with him and everyone else, even steve. and trust me i spend a lot of time behind the scenes sweating blood over how the steve-billy dynamic works because i do want it-- usually more in a platonic sense in my own case but that’s because i struggle to see the romantic end. but the reality is i struggle to find a common ground between those two characters that can then be used as a launching pad. they just don’t have a lot in common personality/background or interests wise were billy and eddie do. (i’ll also say having lots of similarity isn’t needed for a friendship/romance but having like 1 thing you both like is an excellent starting point. as it stands i have to work to find ways to get steve and billy in a room and talking which is you know, Work.)

i really think it’s a shame that the eddie fandom is largely dipshits at the moment because they’re missing out on something magical. i’m not even talking shipping. i love mungrove but like, i like it because they have a really solid sense of compatibility. they’ve got Those Two Guys™ energy. if billy and eddie are not best friends in your post s4 written fic then i just-- don’t know what to tell you. but to me that reads as so wrong because i cannot imagine a world where billy didn’t see a dude with a MASSIVE DIO PATCH ON HIS BACK and didn’t go “oh i fuck with this dude”.

and this isn’t an anti-post or anything. while i don’t really see harringrove i do respect it and those who are passionate about it. i just think that mungrove and the potential friendship between billy and eddie is underrated and at times even looked at poorly because of the situation with eddie’s fans atm. which i get. it’s hard to like eddie for some people because of how the fandom treats him vs how they treat billy and how he’s basically used as a hammer against us billy fans and the harringrove comm.

but i also think it’s important to step back, do our best to block out the haters and dipshits and look objectively at eddie as a character. because when i do that i am literally looking at billy’s new best friend. and billy needs and deserves all the best friends. and also the fact is that like 90% of the eddie and steddie fandoms are not even fucking accurately writing eddie. which is so fucking insulting to us eddie fans who you know, like him and see him as he IS.

eddie is not a replacement billy, he’s not a “more socially acceptable” billy. he’s a complimentary force to billy. he’s billy’s ideal sidekick. he’s a weird little freak of a metalhead who can shred like a GOD and has a huge heart. he’s less aggressive or confrontational but he WILL hold a bottle to someone who he thinks is a threat to him. he’s extremely brave when it comes to doing right by others, he cares deeply. if eddie had known billy in s3 he would’ve been championing to save him. he would’ve died trying to save him if he had to. he literally put his life on the line for chrissy who he barely knew just because it was Right in his mind to get justice for her. imagine what he would do for a friend?

steddie is another ship that i don’t inherently dislike but i struggle to see because there’s really nothing in common there to work with. the more i see of the ship and how it’s portrayed by the majority atm the more i don’t think these people actually understand eddie. he’s not an uwu quirky weirdo baby. he’s literally a criminal, he’s ready and willing to commit violence if he needs to, he’s got a huge amount of undiagnosed and untreated issues that are ruining his life, he’s an INCREDIBLY strong personality and most people don’t like him for a reason. he doesn’t give a shit about like 90% of the stuff the rest of the cast cares about. he and steve have completely opposite outlooks and life goals.

It’s very frustrating to me to see the billy-eddie dynamic largely overlooked but i know why it’s happening. it’s also very frustrating to me to see eddie so blatantly fucked up by the fandom and then see others not want to engage with his actual character because of the negative connotations with the assholes in the larger community. like billy’s already canonically had a friend like eddie in the past we meet him in runaway max. his name is sid and he’s a punk dude and he’s very sweet. he shows max a whole magazine of guitars.

tl;dr : billy and eddie would 100000000% be best friends and anyone who thinks otherwise needs to take a moment to really clear their head of biases and look again at what we actually know about these characters and the context they’d be meeting in.

[the-nightmare-before-bucky]

everything i love about hunchback of notre dame

*the g-slur will be replaced with roma, romani, or something else and will have brackets ([ ]) surrounding it to indicate a word change*

Olim -  i love the build up at the end into bells of notre dame 

bells of notre dame -  ”and some say the soul of the city’s the toll of the bells, the bells of notre dame” the fact that it’s esmeralda singing it. we’re already off to a great start.  jehan’s voice is so nice it’s beautiful the foreboding saints after jehan dies and right into the “ahhhhs’ “and the saints regarded frollo from their stone facade and he felt their gaze as if it were the eyes of God” - the difference between the stone saints for frollo and quasi is so interesting. One sees them as terrifying, boring into his soul because of his darkness within, while the other sees them as his friends and aid on his journey.  the way frollo says quasimodo “now here is a riddle to guess if you can, sing the bells of notre dame” “what makes a monster and what makes a man?” - song by Quasi. It just makes me tingle, I love it.  the way this song sets up so many motifs is just so good

Out There -  the beginning is manipulation 101 (it is I alone, your only friend, how can i protect you, etc)  michael arden is an icon i swear. he is phenomenal. his e m o t i o n “but part of theeeeeem and Ooooooout there” “out there among the millers and the weavers and their wives”  “heedless of the gift it is to be them. if I were in their skin I’d treasure every instant” “i swear i’ll be content with my share. won’t resent won’t despair old and bent I won’t care. I’ll have spent oooone daaay out theeeeeeeeeere” Amazing, showstopping, what a way to open a show and introduce a character, I cry almost every single time

Topsy Turvy pt. 1 -  “somehow i can wander through this helter skelter without fear now. no one sees i’m here now out here in the woooorld!” ugh i love him  “on the sixth of januervy” too catchy

Rest and Recreation -  I used to hate this song but now i’ve matured and learned that it is amazing I just love the tune, idk, it’s so fun and catchy until you get to the bridge and that’s what i love “rest and recreaaaaaa- four years at the front...” that’s on ptsd “the air filled with a stench of bodies in a trench. whoever pays the most i call my liege.” just the bitterness when he says that line. Amazing.  “and whatever i do i’ll make sure this is true i will never go back again.” i literally adore this part so much. it gives him so much motivation. and then we go right back into him being flirty because he’s covering up his ptsd with fun “But for a few night fun is my mission” oh me oh my that’s very attractive he sounds so awkward talking to frollo im going to cry  “there is no time for rest and recreation,” poor guy

Rhythm of the Tambourine -  “flash of an ankle flip of a skirt...come see me dance, hey what can it hurt?” I just love how she sings this part its so well done the dance break music is amazing. it’s just so nice and a great vibe.  “this girl who is she” the layers!!!! all three of them doing it in rounds!!! I love it!!! “she dances like the devil//she dances like an angel//an angel” AHHHHH beautiful, great way to show the differences in characters “but with such fire// such fire” I am in love with this line oh my gosh. like frollo is thinking about hellfire and pheobus is just like heart eyes i am also in love with esmeralda thank you

Topsy Turvy pt. 2 -  “aren’t you going to join in on the competition?” she’s so cute and pretty and i love her “we asked for the ugliest face in paris and we found him, aye?” love  “eeev...ry..bod...y”  “Hail to the king....oh what a king...girls give a kiss...we’ve never had a king like this!” just so much fun to sing 

Into Notre Dame -  “how could you do this to me?” more manipulation  “like a begger recieving an alm.” i love a good simile “the light of notre dame” I love the way she sings this, it’s just so good 

God Help the Outcasts -  “were you once an outcast too?” i love this because the answer is yes. Jesus was treated as other because of His teachings. He was most definitely an outcast, literally cast out of so many different towns. And He does listen to her prayer and it just makes me so emotional.  i literally...there is nothing wrong with this song. everything about it is beautiful.  “God help the outcasts or nobody will” chills every single time “I ask for love I can possess. I ask for God and hos angels to bless me” right into “I ask for nothing, I can get by” I LOVE IT SO MUCH it’s so beautiful.  the chorus of this show deserves a raise “but I know so many less lucky than I” really helps to show Esmeralda’s character a lot I think. 

Top of the World -  such a beautiful song like I could write the entirety of this song here because I love it so much I love the saints part so much the part when the saints are singing and esmeralda are singing is just beautiful especially the part “here at the top of the world(E)//look at you sitting at the top of the world(S)” “the two of us sitting/the two of us sitting/the two of you sitting” right into “On top of the world!” one of my favorite parts of the entire show oh my goodness. The way Quasi, Esmeralda, and the Saints all blend together so well is just askjhfklafkj

Tavern Song -  I can’t not dance to this song oh my it’s so so so fun.  just like the melody especially during “in the dark of the night, in the dead of the winter...come keep me warm until morning” I LOVE  It gives me very much Jack and Rose vibes from that part in Titanic “with the taste of the wine, hold me close while we’re dancing, but I hear you sighing, winter is dying, you’ll keep me warm until morning” HER VOICE IS SO GOOD the cross between the tavern folk singing and frollo singing in the Hellfire tune is just so good. just so good. i’m going to cry this show is beautiful.  the fading “come keep me warm until morning”s is UGH so good

Heaven’s Light -  When I tell you how much I adore this song.... his voice is just so soothing. the little flute thing in the background is just so sweet the way he sounds so happy the first time he says “Heaven’s light” i love him so much “but” AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i cannot  “I swear it must be heaven’s liiiiiiiiiiiiiiight” one of my favorite notes in the entire show i swear it’s so beautiful also the bells of notre dame going right into Hellfire....ICONIC

Hellfire -  One of my favorite villain songs ever. Especially in this version, you can really hear his inner turmoil over Esmeralda. and i just love it.  from the get go, frollo is trying to put him above everyone (”you know i am a righteous man”, “so much purer than...”) and yet he is still struggling with lust like everyone else...he’s still a sinner “i feel her, i see her, the sun caught in her raven hair, is blazing in me out of all control” SO GOOD  “Like fire, hellfire” go look back at what he says in rhythm of the tambourine because it’s the same thing and i just “is turning me to sin” blaming esmeralda for his own sinful thoughts. it is not her that is turning him to sin. he is sinning of his own accord. but also the desperate way he says sin is always so interesting  “it’s not my fault, i’m not to blame, it is the [roma] girl, the witch who set this flame! It’s not my fault, if in God’s plan, he made the devil so much stronger than a man!” I really really love this series of lines so much. I can’t really explain it, but especially that last part. it just breathes a supposed “holy man” who can’t accept that his sins are his own and caused by himself so he’ll blame every single other thing other than himself. i’ve known too many people like this. “protect me maria, don’t let this siren cast her spell, don’t let the fire sear my flesh and bone” just so good. I love the voices in the background.  “destroy esmeralda and let her face the fire of hell, or else let her be mine and mine alone” he would rather condemn an innocent woman than confront his own sin. again, so many people are like this today. it’s just so thrilling to see that mindset condemned in media. also, patrick page is amazing  “hellfire, dark fire” the tone switch from him being scared of the hellfire the first time he said it to now he’s using it as power (how many of us have had hell weaponized against us? raise of hands?) is just so frightening and amazing all at the same time “God have mercy on her, God have mercy on me” I cannot tell you how much I love this line. it is phenomenal, especially the way Page sings it. I think that it is one of the central lines to his character (along with the “wicked shall not go unpunished” which i’ll probably talk about later) just the emotion he has in his voice when he says this line....chef’s kiss. especially with the next line (”but she will be mine or she will burn”), it seems like he knows what he’s doing is wrong (hence why he needs mercy), but he’s going to do it anyway

Esmeralda -  easily one of my favorite songs in this entire show. what an amazing end of act song oh my  the trumpets!! at the beginning!!! I love it!! “being under suspicion of sorcery, witchcraft, and the arts of hell” that is not actually why he’s arresting her which doubly means he knows that what he’s doing is wrong the tune of this song is SO GOOD I LOVE IT “these are the flames of Esmeralda...” this dude is obsessed with fire feels very much like the mob song from beauty and the beast “with the might of Notre Dame” using God in such a vulgar manner is blasphemous and frollo knows it. he’s using God’s might and strength to hunt down an innocent woman because he can’t control his own desires. I’m losing my mind “but the madam, that whore, denied it and swore by the saints, the saints of notre dame” i have no idea why but I adore this line and i love the way that it was song. I used to think that the madam was actually just esmeralda in disguise which made the next part of the song seem all the funnier the little lute strumming after frollo says “very well, we’ll set fire to it” because pheobus is having a change or heart “and he held the torch that crackled like the [woman’s] voice....and he knew this was the moment he must make a choice” this is why i like the play phoebus and not really the movie phoebus very much. i just love it  the chorus singing God help the outcasts in the background...amazing...chills “you’d throw away a promising career” Frollo’s desperate attempt to get him to comply  “God help the outcasts, or nobody will!” I LOVE THIS PART WITH MY WHOLE SOUL IT IS SO GOOD sometimes i’ll listen to this song on repeat just to hear him say this “you’re relieved of your patrol” “consider it my highest honor.” Iconic. just...so good. gives me very much “thank you for your consideration” vibes  the way frollo says kyrie eleison here is just so good frollo’s little speech is very cool with the chorus in the background I love Quasi’s little frantic verse there. you can hear his desperation in “fire, fire, smoke and flame” and then “is that all that I can do?” he wants to help his friend but he can’t and I know how horrible that feels phoebus part!!!!! I love it!!!! his voice is so nice!!! “with my career and body left for dead” nice, good, amazing.  “out there...” AHHHHHHH YES MOTIFS “somewhere she is lost//somewhere she is lost//Esmeralda!” love this bit so much  “the flames grow tall and sharp as fluer de lis” what a good metaphor, so good, so nice, I love the chorus they’re all amazing “all paris burns for esmeralda” now we’ve got burning again. are we talking about how paris is literally on fire because frollo is insane or is it the mob mentaility that is “burning” inside of them? good question.  “and still it all comes down to her and me” says three people. I love the melodies here. chills. so many of them. I love.  “the devil dwells in esmeralda//oh esmeralda//oh esmerlada//oh esmeralda” AHHHH again AHHHHHHH i love this bit (yes I know I say that a lot but its the truth) “wake up the city and sound the alarm!” good yes they’re all singing different bits and it’s growing and your heart is pounding until.... “these are the flames of esmeralda”  and then it all falls apart again oh my gosh it’s beautiful  until “the bells of notre dam!” and the “ah, ah, ah”s that I adore so much I love this song so much 

Entr’acte I can’t imagine how fun this would be to sing. it’s just a vibe Flight Into Egypt - I used to skip this song but I have since learned the error of my ways because i love it “then Quasimodo you can too” love that, just like he says it “and she gave it to you because she knows you’re smart” the fact that these are just part of his imagination so it’s really him telling himself he’s smart and i’m going to cry I love him so much “and this jewel must show where we’re supposed to meet” love his voice so much “it’s a map. it’s a map!” he’s so excited. he deserves the entire world.  “I’ll save esmeralda, her angel will be me,” brb crying  “for her I will be strong” still crying I love the entire end bit how their voices meld and the music swells all up until Quasi sings the last bit. it’s just so amazing

The Court of Miracles -  I’ve always loved this song. it’s so fun, but also sad.  “brother you’re there” YES  “but the dead don’t talk so you won’t be reveal what you found!” dead man tell no tales vibes “Not terribly different from bees in a hive” I love how erik says this line. claupin would be so fun to play oh my.  “where it’s a miracle...if you get out alive”  “any last words....i thought not *laughter*” obsessed with this  “but we must protect at all cost our secret, it’s our lives or yours!” and that’s the sad reality. that’s what makes this song sad to me.  “So you’re going to hang!” a lighter note as an end. very nice. 

In a Place of Miracles -  a few notes in and i’m already crying this song is so beautiful and i adore it. it makes me sad in a million ways but it also makes me so happy. the play did such a great job of making me love pheobus and esmeralda but also feel so, so bad for Quasi “but somehow you have made me someone new” yup i’m definitely crying “now i’m asking if you’ll let me come with you” you can’t see me but the tears are real “though our lives are tattered and torn, all i’m feeling now is reborn. i must be...” AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Pheobus and esmeralda’s voices just meld together so well im gonna cry it’s so nice and as soon as the first chorus is over, the tears of happiness turn into tears of anguish because Quasi pulls up with his heaven’s light reprise and it tears my heart to shreds my heart breaks for him esmeralda and quasi singing at the same time gives me very much eponine and marius vibes from a heart full of love (we love victor hugo so much /sar) like the parallels in what the both of them are saying is just phenomenal “no more need for a heart of stone//better to have a heart of stone!” AHHHH STOP I LOVE IT AND IT HATE IT AT THE SAME TIME “that holds no hope in heaven’s light” stop i’m so sad and then the chorus come in and it’s just so beautiful “will we reach a friendlier shore, will we find a haven once more, where we’ll be in a place of miracles...” it’s so gorgeous “where’s my place of miracles//in a place of miracles” that sound? yeah that’s me sobbing in the corner and it builds again and i love it so much it’s just so beautiful 

Justice in Paris -  this is the least played song on spotify (by like hundreds of thousands) and I think that’s so funny but i think the chorus does such a great job here, as usual, because they just have that menacing sound to them

Someday -  another of my favorite songs. this one is hauntingly beautiful and I have so many opinions. get ready.  esmeralda is just so sad and you can hear it in every single word she says. god my heart is already breaking.  “that i’d live to see a day of justice dawn” i haven’t actually seen the stage version so i’m not sure if they have the part where she cries out “justice!” when quasi is getting attacked, but this part just hurts me to the soul because of that specifically. she cried out for justice and now she gets none. “and though I will die long before that morning comes, i’ll die while believing still it will come when I am gone” this line just hits so, so hard. i can’t even talk about it. just imagining her singing this and pheobus listening to her with tears in his eyes...nope i cannot...i will cease to exist and then he joins in and i can just imagine her feeling no longer alone because she’s hoping that it comes “someday” and he’s echoing it, assuring her that it will. I can just picture her trying to stay strong as she says “Godspeed this bright millennium on its way” but she can’t and so her words fall out as she’s saying “let it come” and she can’t finish but pheobus finishes it for her. “someday” and I can just see her breaking down. she’s going to die and she never gets to see it, but he assures her that it’s coming. and he starts it up again. he starts singing again, and I think that it gives her the strength she then needs to finish.  “someday, these dreams will all be real. Til then we’ll wish upon the moon!” of all the lines in the entire play, this is my absolute favorite. the way the sing it, the power they hold, their voices blending together so smoothly and perfectly. i cannot handle how amazing it is.  “one day...some day...soon” and just like that, i am sobbing. beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful. 

While the City Slumbered - i love this little song. it’s so pretty and fast and it just gives us exactly what we need to know. love. 

Made of Stone -  Now to the last of my favorite songs. (Finale doesn’t count because although I love it, it hate it). You wanna know which song has the top score of making me cry the most? That’s right. This one right here. Let’s get into it. the talking at the beginning is a yes from me. “I only make things worse!” felt that also, the sound of him sobbing ruins me. “how do you know what I believe, what do you know of me? what do you know of all the things I feel? you’re only made of stone” finally him acknowledging that they’re not actually real and all apart of his imagination. “who is it that you see, instead of seeing what I am for real?” imposter syndrome? I understand that. “this twisted flesh and bone” the EMOTION  “you’re a liar” bro i cannot physically handle this. i can’t. I will cry. I am cry “would that I were made of stone like you,” back to that place of miracles song. i just he’s just so desperate. the only thing he could ever trust has fallen. He has nothing left. he can’t even trust himself (because that’s really all the stone saints by) “shut my brain down, if I were senseless, I’d prefer it” i totally understand the feeling of this. so often when thing go wrong in my life, i would like to shut down completely and stop existing and I think that’s what makes this song hit so damn hard “another gargoyle on this turret, spitting rain down to the stones below!” there is so much passion in his voice I love it so much. michael arden deserves the entire world for this performance “i’ve waste my faith believing in saints of plaster,” OUCH “the only one worth believing in was my master,” OUCH AGAIN “he’s the one who never lied. he told me it was cruel outside. he told me that i had to hide. his words were cold as stone, but they were true.” i can’t describe how emotional these lines make me. because he’s right but also it is such a painful, hard truth. ugh, i  “not like you”  “take all the dreams you’ve stone, take all your lies and leave me alone”  “alright Quasimodo, we’ll leave you alone,” that one hurt because as someone who pushes people away when they’re self destructing, the most painful part is seeing them actually leave you. even though you asked them too. “you’re right Quasimodo, we’re only made of stone, we just thought that you were made of something stronger.” now that’s a mic drop That would cut so, so deep.  “never again to wonder what’s out there” m o t i f s  “let it remain unknown. and my one human eye forever more be dry until the day i die, as if I were made of stone”  such a beautiful, heartbreaking, real song that I think so many people can relate to. I know I can. I have cried to this song so many times. I love it.  also, he holds that note for so long i’m impressed.

Finale - this song is long so get ready for it.  the crimes that Esmeralda is guilty for are not the ones that she was originally hunted for. he switched up his story. “the sentence is death!” immediate kyrie eleison (which i think is for frollo and not esmeralda) she spits in his face like a freaking queen “esmeralda!” Quasi’s cry is just so heart shattering and emotional I am so sad “he could remain stone no longer” I love that “sanctuary! sanctuary!” with the victorious sounds in the background are just so amazing “hear me, people of Paris, how much oppression will you allow?” with the chorus singing Someday in latin in the background?? I am not crying again “someday, your patience will finally break. why not make someday come right now?”  that part is just chef’s kiss. I love it so much. also, that’s the last we hear of pheobus. I’ve always wondered if he died so someone whose been in/seen the play, could you tell me? quasi’s prayer to the saints is just so good. i just love it so much. so beautiful. and it being similar in tune to Heart of Stone and having the part “raining fire on the stone below!” is just so good and then the moment between quasi and esmeralda is just... “you are home.” “home.”  and then we go to the top of the world reprise. haha. haha. ha.  “in my eyes you are beautiful too,” comparing him to the beautiful morning “i don’t think...forever...” “you’re such a good friend quasimodo” “yes your friend” and then she freaking dies and i’m so sad and then the music changes so quickly and it makes my heart drop every time “because of you” cut deep “at last we’re free of esmeralda. now that she’s gone, a poison dies with her.” to the tune of esmeralda. bitch i would have thrown frollo off that roof too “here in our sanctuary...sanctuary” “sanctuary? no sanctuary without her”  “even...loved her.” “love? what do you know of love?” I adore this part because Quasimodo finally realizes that Frollo’s treatment of him wasn’t love. It never was.  “no. you are the weak one. you the wicked one. And the wicked shall not go unpunished!” I cannot explain the fire that this lights in my bones. it’s amazing. just so good. and then all the voices, like the saints, come in “the wicked shall not go unpunished. the heart of the wicked is of little worth. the wicked shall not go unpunished” and they’re no longer on frollo’s side (they never were) the rising voices as quasi picks up frollo and is going to kill him *chef’s kiss* “You don’t want to hurt me” “yes you do” so, so, so, so, so good. i can’t even explain. it’s just good.  in to the abyss below! damnation! “the world is cruel, the world is ugly” yes  “but there are times and there are people when the world is not” i’m not 100% positive, but i’m pretty sure that’s jehan again and that’s just so beautiful. “and at it’s cruelest it’s still the only world we’ve got” the bitter truth “out there” yup yup yup crying you can’t stop me The bit with the chorus singnig someday in latin and english...i literally cant handle it. it is so freaking beautiful. and the violin? the woman singing is an icon. the voices blend together so beautifully. I am overcome with emotion. i- Quasi singing the last “someday” and then the blending into the beginning song and ugh “but here is a riddle to guess if you can, what makes a monster and what makes a man?” with the entire ensemble? yeah, that one feels good.  and being left off with the “ah”s

yeah, brb, i’m going to go listen to it again.

[riathedreamer]

Zero is Null

A discussion of Zero’s love-hate-relationship with RvB and struggling independence; including a hotdog too big for the bun, tragic backstories, a single bow-chicka-bow-wow, and a cookie at the very end.

Welcome to what will be a lot of text. Basically, it will explore why Zero fails as an RvB (with emphasis on RvB) season. I will not be the first one to bring forth some of the points, and I promise to be fair and civil and fun. This isn’t supposed to be a piece of hate – in fact, I’m writing this because I love Red vs. Blue.

Okay, first of all, to increase your fun – take a guess on just how much of Zero is spent on fight scenes. You see, I’ve calculated the exact amount, and I will reveal it later, but for now, take a guess and remember the number. Maybe you are the winner!

Alright, time to share my thoughts. Wait! Since I suffer from anxiety and have this one annoying voice pretending to be all those critical statements my opinion could be met with, let’s give it an actual voice and address the points throughout this review.

“Why would I care about your opinion, Ria?” – I don’t know, you’re the one who clicked Read More.

“Your opinion doesn’t matter!” – Of course, it doesn’t! Geez. Do you think your opinion matters, though? Listen, we’re on Tumblr, the actual equivalent of screaming into the void. And it’s fun, too!

“If you don’t like it, don’t watch!” - *activates Uno Reverse Card* “You can’t talk about something you haven’t watched!”

“You’re just a Hater” – Actually, this is a point I’ll come back to. Like a cliffhanger. Also, at the end of this, there’ll be a cookie. But this will also include me talking about the stuff I like, because, surprise, Zero is not without talent!

“You just don’t like it because the Reds and Blues aren’t in it!” – Actually, that’s a good point, so instead, this review will start with a sole focus on Zero and discuss the problem that lies within that story. Then we can address why the lack of OG cast is understandable and problematic and weird.

But first! Backstory.

When the first 5 second teaser dropped back in spring (you know, when we were young and innocent and the world didn’t feel like an apocalyptic movie yet), I held onto that one image of what I thought (hoped) to be Grif and Simmons in the sunset, hopefully addressing Grif’s hateglue arc, but boy was I wrong because a) that’s not Simmons, that’s Sarge, and b) the image was from a PSA since the Reds are not in Zero.

Actual face-reveal of me below:

Admittedly, when I heard that the Reds and Blues were not going to be the main characters (or even show up), it felt like a gut punch. However, I actually found myself getting excited due to the creators’ hype. I want to praise them for this. It’s been a while since an RvB season was talked so much ABOUT before its release; it had advertisements, it had creators and voice-actors talking about it. Please. More of that in the future. Their passion rubbed off on me, and that deserves recognition. So it pains me that this was clearly a passion-project, and then when I gave it a try, I didn’t want to touch it again for weeks.

Here’s the thing. I cannot whole-heartedly say that Zero is bad. It’s not gonna melt your eyes. It’s not even so-bad-it’s-good. For me, it’s meh. It’s a Saturday-morning-cartoon aimed for a younger audience with a rushed plot and clichéd characters. The problem is that it calls itself RvB, and with that title comes something to live up to – but more importantly, something to continue.

My main issue is that Zero forces its story into existence by ignoring established content rather than adjusting to it. Let’s call this for the hotdog-too-big-for-the-bun syndrome solely for the sake of the bow-chicka-bow-wow that’s coming now. Bow-chicka-bow-wow. Many of the separate issues I will dive into all add to this hotdog-issue, so I will scream “Hotdog!” whenever this is the case so we can all keep track of my argument.

You can continue the story of Red vs. Blue without the Reds and Blues. While that would personally crush my heart, it can be done. There’s a story of Red vs. Blue that can be continued. The world can be expanded, the previous actions of the Reds and Blues can be explored from another angle.

So.

How does Zero do this? It doesn’t.

I just want to make it clear that new elements can definitely be added when it comes to worldbuilding. That’s literally the point of sequels. But Zero’s settings are presented with so little grace and with no connection to previously established worldbuilding. We get Alliance of Defense and GLASS thrown in our face as very big important organizations – yet we’ve never heard of them before. A big central plot point of RvB is the UNSC and Project Freelancers, and those were introduced naturally with the plot. We already have big established intergalactic organizations. What is AOD’s connection with those? We aren’t told. We are just told they exist and expected to accept it, no questions asked. If this was a whole new world and story – fine. But when you need to build on an already established worldbuilding, you need more grace than this. Chorus was a whole new setting, but it was explained, and it was connected to the previous plot. Same with Iris. Same with Desert Gulch. In Zero, it feels lazy. It feels forced. These organizations are just there because the story is built around them (HOTDOG).

This vagueness when it comes to wordbuilding is also reflected in the settings - we have a desert, a training base, a lab, temples, Tucker’s workplace, and we do not know if all those are set place on the same planet. If that is the case, what is this planet’s relationship with Chorus? Is it Earth? And most importantly, what is the deal with the temples? Why are they connected to Tucker’s sword if it isn’t the same planet. Are they made by the same aliens? Are people okay with this? Why haven’t these temples been explored before? Chorus makes sure to establish this, while Zero doesn’t, adding to a growing amount of confusion.

Okay, so no connection with previous worldbuilding. What about characters? I mean, we got Wash and Carolina and Tucker! So we have RvB characters, it gotta be RvB! Technically – yeah. But it feels dirty. These three characters are not here to be characters. They are here to be props to the new cast. They are not given any development. Their presence isn’t even that important, and if this was a whole new show, they could easily have been replaced with an unknown face. Worst of all, they feel miswritten.

Carolina and Wash are working at a new military organization? Leaving the Reds and Blues behind? To help people? First of all, fucking bad idea, Carolina, the last time you left the Reds and Blues alone, they changed the timeline. But most importantly – Carolina and Wash just joined this new super elite military organization? After being mistreated and manipulated by such an organization in the past?

Carolina is there to introduce the characters. That’s it. We are force-fed their personality by having her literally read out loud their personality. There is no gentle introduction to the new cast. We are not allowed to get to know them naturally. Why show when you can tell, huh? That’s Carolina’s role. That’s why she is there. To introduce the cast and explain their story. That’s it. (HOTDOG).

How about Wash? He is there to get beat up and be a damsel in distress so that the new cast has a reason to explore the plot. Oh, and that brain damage that was the consequence of previous seasons – gone now. The guy who literally has trauma from having an AI explode inside his head is fine with having a computer inserted into it instead. Because that’s needed. To explore his brain damage wouldn’t work now when his role is to be a prop to lure the new cast for one episode and then be put onto the bench for the rest of the runtime (HOTDOG).

And Tucker – he is there to die for a second and have his sword taken from him. That’s literally it. And for the few moments he is there, he feels like old super flirty Tucker, which erases the character development he went through in previous seasons. Okay, so Tucker dies, and then not dies, and then he is put on the bench with Wash where they can sit and talk or whatever (‘cause holy shit, the new cast is not allowed to that), because he isn’t important. The sword is. Tucker is just a prop, even more than his sword is (HOTDOG).

Damn. Wash gets beat up. Tucker gets beat up. Dies. Gets his sword taken away. Almost seems like a Red’s wet dream. Sorry not sorry, Blues, you were done dirty.

So there are miswritten old characters. Even worse is the retconning. The plot needs a “normal” Wash, so, bam, magic computer solution. Never mind Wash’s trauma and character traits. Never mind the logic of the new worldbuilding which also includes a character suffering for years to heal an illness. But the brain damage that was such a big consequence that it became the main part of the plot of the last two seasons – gone. I mean, a gunshot to the head can be healed by CPR. That’s canon. But no one gave Wash CPR so it’s a big thing, okay. It was canonically a big thing, and Zero erased that. This is not me saying that a Cerebral Enhancer couldn’t work in the RvB universe. Imagine it being done right. Wash struggling with the choice of getting used to his disability or accepting the possibility of help - at the cost of reliving his trauma. The struggle between what to choose - what should he choose when he wants to help as many as possible, the sacrifices he thinks he has to make, the way it could have been used as a part of his character growth. But in Zero, the enhancer isn’t a part of Wash’s character. It’s there so the story can work without having to deal with the previous plot’s consequence (HOTDOG).

Same with the sword thing. They sorta explain it by having Tucker flatline, but it’s weak. Honestly, I find it sorta offensive. What about Locus’ sword as well? It’s twisting previous lore to make the new plot work (HOTDOG). (Also, are we not gonna talk about the ultimate power being Spencer Porkensenson’s helmet? Have the writers forgotten Spencer Porkensenson? Have we as a community forgotten Spencer Porkensenson?)

If you have Red vs. Blue in your title, you cannot ignore what you inherit from it. You need to respect the worldbuilding, the established characters, and the previous plot. Zero does not do this.

Let’s talk about the Triplets. No, really, let’s do it. I don’t think I’ve ever talked about them before, because season 14 was a mixed bag for me (that I have now learned to appreciate. Thank you, Zero.) because I have heart at the size of the Grinch and can only love a few characters at a time, and that did not include the Triplets. Can’t even remember their names. Well, I can, but I can’t for the love of me remember which state is which, and my tongue is twisted every time I try to say Ohio, Iowa, and Idaho, and I know it’s on purpose. I know it is. And it got me good. That being said, the fandom actually embraced them really, really well! Seriously, I’ve seen more content for the Triplets than for Zero as a whole.

Why talk about the Triplets? (Was Iowa the lesbian? Or was it Ohio? Fuck.) Because like Zero, they introduced new characters with a story of their own. The Reds and Blues didn’t play a role. But here’s what I feel like the Triplets got right. They didn’t change the settings to force their narrative. They used stuff already established (Project Freelancer), added their own story as a continuation of that. They even included old characters in the beginning (Wash and some other Freelancers) but it felt natural and it didn’t feel like it happened at the expense of the old characters. Wash’s writing felt natural, and his presence wasn’t needed to tell these new character’s stories. He wasn’t a prop to them. He was there to establish the setting and to establish the relationship with these new characters, and then he and the other familiar faces (helmets??) left, and we as the viewers were left with these new characters. And the new characters told their own story by themselves. It felt like, hey, here’s something you know – remember Mother of Invention, and remember Wash’ lower rank, but now, try to imagine being even lower rank than him, aren’t you curious about those fates? Now let’s hear their story! It was new, it was something else, but it didn’t wreck what came before it, and it stayed true to the classic vibes of RvB.

As I said before, the hotdog-issue is my biggest problem with Zero. It infuriates me. I will return to this. But there are more issues, even if we try to look past the title-related problems.

If we try to imagine Zero as its own story and universe (as it should be, in my opinion), it still earns the meh review from me.

These isolated issues include awkwardness, the writing, lack of self-awareness, and pacing. First of all, holy shit, this is a tell, don’t show. Nothing is subtle, nothing is allowed to develop. It’s like the show thinks you are six years old with an attention span of a goldfish. You are not just led by the hand – they have literally pulled off your arm by the end of the show. We are force-fed every bit of information, every bit of personality from these new characters.

The voice-acting is a mixed bag for me. Sometimes it’s pretty good, sometimes it’s not. Some of the problems can definitely be blamed on the dialogue that you can only do so much with. It’s not good. I can’t remember any good jokes (the one joke I really appreciate was the cast on armor, and that was freaking visual humor. That was so RvB. Kudos to that. It was fun. More of that, please.), and RvB is known for having memorably good lines. This is a show built on good, clever, funny dialogue. Zero does not deliver. You have to sit through clichéd lines – “You’re not my dad”, “I trusted you”, “Come with me”, “It can’t be!”, “She’s way too powerful”, and “We have to do this together” – performed unironically. I cringed more than I laughed. Worst thing is that Zero could be a good parody. Sometimes, it feels like it is. One-dimensional characters, a villain wanting ‘the ultimate power’, very overpowered characters, bad one-liners, etc. But Zero takes itself seriously, and I was one of the people rooting for Jax to show up at the end and yell “Cut”. That would have been a funny-as-fuck twist. A spin-off parody. If I can’t have “Sarge the Movie”, I would have taken that and loved it. I would have forgiven everything. “We put so much info into finding that power, but we had no idea what it was” is really a line in the finale, and I cannot believe this is real in a show that somehow still tries to present itself as serious. What a plot.

We have to talk about pacing. God, first of all it should be stated that RvB is a mess when it comes to pacing. I honestly get what they were going for. Sometimes, RvB has come across as a bit boring when you get three episodes stretched over three weeks without much going on. I know season 11 did not have the warmest welcome because it was seen as boring until the finale. But when you see season 11 as a whole, as a movie, as a part of a trilogy, it works so well. Zero is more focused on being episodic. They want something to happen all the time so we will stay tuned. The thing that will happen – a fight. Oh god. The fight scenes.

I have done the math. I have run the numbers. I deserve a freaking cookie for this. Are you ready?

If you put all the episodes together, you have a runtime of 106 minutes. HOWEVER, with the introduction of credits in every episode, you gotta account for this. Removing the credits, this gives us 94 minutes of actual runtime. Out of that, 45 minutes are dedicated to fight scenes. That means 48% of the show is fight scenes.

If I wanted that many fight scenes, I’d watch Death Battle. Except the actual RvB Death Battle episode has a runtime of 20 minutes, and out of that, 5 minutes is dedicated to the actual battle. For the people who hate math – that’s 25% of the actual runtime.

RvB Zero has more fight scenes than a show called Death Battle. Take that in.

The pace suffers from this. Where’s the time to explore the characters? Where’s the time for good dialogue? All I can think of is this:

I get that RvB is a show that’s literally making fun of itself by acknowledging all their characters do is stand around and talk. I get that you want characters to do more than that. But for the love of Church, would it kill the new characters to stand around and talk? For just a minute? Stop fighting, I am begging you, stop fighting! Am I a pacifist now? Am I purple? Have I joined Doc’s team? What has Zero done to me?!

The good thing though is that fight scenes are very good. They’re entertaining. However, they seem to deconstruct themselves when we need to get a fight scene in every episode. Usually, the few fight scenes in an RvB season were in some of the most climatic episodes. In Zero, I can hardly keep up with the pace because they won’t stop moving. Fight scenes aren’t plot. They aren’t character development. You need more than just fight scenes. They entertain, but there’s a limit to that.

Noël Wiggins, the co-writer, stated the inspiration was a Saturday-morning cartoon. They nailed that vibe. If that was their goal, hurray, they have accomplished something! Because of the poor plot and constant fight scenes, it feels like you could just switch on the TV and drop in at any moment and let yourself be entertained by the cool and colorful soldiers punching and kicking each other. I will admit that the fight scenes entertained me. But they don’t make it a good season.

If I were the six-year-old with the attention span of a goldfish that the show believes I am, I honestly would enjoy it. The stiff dialogue and the constant tell-don’t-show makes you feel like an audience that’s not supposed to do anything else but admire the flashy fight scenes. I miss the cleverness of RvB. I miss the characters I get to connect with as I see them grow.

I miss the tone of RvB. Because this isn’t RvB to me.

It’s not that RvB hasn’t changed its tone before. Holy shit, I sorta do want to experience the absolute shock the RvB fandom went through when s6 aired and they were given new characters and serious plot. I would have loved to experience that, but I was too busy being ten years old. The Freelancers seasons also introduced a new tone and more fight scenes with very talented fighters compared to the Blood Gulch gang, but a balance was kept by having half of the season still revolving around the Reds and Blues. But Zero – Zero is so much change. And it’s on purpose. At least this has been made very clear from the beginning.

They constantly seem to appeal to new fans, rather than be directed towards older fans of the show. If you want an entirely new audience with a season with a new cast, new worldbuilding, and new tone, I’m confused as to why they don’t just make a new show. The hotdog-problem begs for this solution. This story and environment and characters feel so out of touch with the original RvB, that with a few rewrites and lack of Halo-armor, it could just be a new show. Problem solved.

If not this, then present it as a spin-off. In all ways, it feels like a spin-off (again, see everything marked HOTDOG). But the creators refuse to do this, and I don’t understand why. I could forgive many of these issues, had they officially separated themselves from canon.

Ah, what’s the idiom? You can’t both swallow and blow? (You can hear the Bow-chicka-bow-wow in the distance). Something about eating cake and having it. Forgive me, English isn’t my native language. POINT IS why are you calling yourself RvB while actively fighting against the core essence of RvB? In my humble opinion, you can’t be both. Marketing it as a spin-off would have granted it some defense when changing, well, literally everything, and I just, would someone please properly describe why it isn’t a spin-off? Isn’t this season marked by its association with the plot of RvB rather than a continuation of it? Zero presenting itself as not a spinoff feels like a toddler clinging to the hem of its mother’s dress while forcefully running away from her, ripping the dress in the process.

When they do connect with the original RvB, it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. When they let Carolina, Wash, and Tucker appear for a moment, it feels like luring viewers in with the RvB title. Look at me. Look at me! I’m not saying this is the case. I say that it gives me the annoying vibes of being lured, rather than letting the characters be a part of the show for their own development, rather than having RvB in the title to continue its story. I should not be getting these vibes at all. But I am.

If you want to use RvB in the title, something from the core of RvB needs to be embraced. Things can be changed. They should. Something new should be brought in. But there’s a limit to how much you can change and replace and twist until it would have been better with an original show. As a season of RvB, it should tell the story of Red vs. Blue.

From my perspective, Zero fails to do so.

It pains me that the old cast has been replaced, but as stated earlier, a season could have worked without them. However, I do not like the take that one should be excited about all the new characters. That it isn’t a big thing that the OG cast got replaced. That we should just deal with it. Just, try to imagine another show suddenly replacing the main characters with characters we’ve never met before. Imagine RWBY suddenly only focusing on a new team of huntresses with the previous main characters reduced to an Easter Egg presence, or Camp Camp suddenly being about a new team of campers, no warning given. Can you imagine the outcry? So maybe let’s agree that a replacement of the main cast is a big thing and should be addressed and it’s valid to be upset about this change.

Could Zero have worked? It’s hard to answer this. How can I accept something as RvB if the season actively pushes away the core of RvB aside for an isolated story that could have been told in any other media? As a spinoff, I could have ignored it. To enjoy Zero, I have to fully separate it from RvB in my mind, and then it’s alright. S’not good. But it’s not bad. It’s entertaining enough. I really ended up liking Raymond and Tiny, and there were a few good jokes, and the fight scenes were admirable (but too much) and I love the creators’ passion. But it’s not RvB. I also wish that the new characters had been attached to previous worldbuilding, for example soldiers on Chorus or agents from Project Freelancer. That way we could build on familiar lore which would have decreased the confusion and added a much needed connection with the previous seasons of RvB.

God, the anxious voice is back (by the way, it sounds like Tutter from “Bear in the Blue House”).

“You’re racist” – I hope not. Literally, I do not want to be. Tell me if I’ve ever crossed some lines, because I swear, that is not my intention, I will apologize and most of all, change and do better. I included this because I’ve seen this take thrown around in the big ugly mess that is the fandom clashes regarding Zero. And racism is problem within RT community (this includes AH and RvB, sorry, I just use RT as an umbrella term for the latter), and I’m not saying it hasn’t been a problem with this season. Writers should never be harassed, and never-fucking-ever because of their skin color, and voice actors shouldn’t be treated like they are responsible for the choices of the show. But I was legit nervous to post this review, and I hope it’s been factual without feeling like personal attacks on the creators because that has never been my intention. I was delighted to hear about the diversity behind this project, and Torrian’s passion legit blew me away because it’s been a while since I’ve seen that for an RvB project. I’d hoped for it to be good, and when I feel disappointed, it’s for the reasons stated in this analysis. That said, Zero is made by a diverse cast and it’s made with love, and both of those things are so, so great, but it does not mean that Zero cannot be criticized. It can, and it should. It’s a product, just like all the other seasons, and fans are allowed to discuss it – both what they loved, and both what they found troublesome. And to repeat previous points, and be respectful, always, fuck racists, and never-fucking-ever harass the staff behind a season, what the fuck is wrong with you if you do this.

“Don’t you get it, it’s different because it’s trying something new!” – Hey, remember the philosophical question: if you replace all the parts of a ship one-by-one, is it still the same ship when you’re done? If it doesn’t include the Reds and Blues, if it ignores previous plot, if the old characters feel miswritten, if it values animation over dialogue, if it values fight scenes over comedy, if it wants to be Fast and Furious instead of Red vs. Blue – is it still Red vs. Blue? Because it doesn’t feel like it to me.

“It's been 17 seasons, it’s time to let the Reds and Blues go so someone else can shine!” – I simply do not understand us having been with the Reds and Blues for 17 seasons should be an argument to let them go, rather than be an argument as to why their absence hurt like hell.

“The Reds and Blues ran out of things to do!” – Did- did they, though? I mean, if we were discussing pretty much any other show, I’d probably agree that they were running out of content. But for the Reds and Blues… I think the PSAs nailed it this year! I’m not kidding, I had more fun watching the Reds and Blues discuss how to do laundry than watching Zero. You could literally give me an hour of the Reds and Blues trying to bake a cake or clear a gutter or simply settling down with an ordinary life, and I would trust them to make it worth the watch.

“The flaws were due to the fact it’s only 8 episodes long!” – Look, I can only judge a product the way it’s presented to me. I cannot come up with excuses for it. If they had 8 episodes to work with, they need to come up with a plot that works with this runtime. Seriously, this excuse cannot work when 48% of the season is spent on fight scenes. They could have used more runtime, sure, but the show needs to be able to pace itself and be planned accordingly.

“The OG cast couldn’t be a part of this year, hence Zero!” – That might be true. But. Would one year without RvB kill it? Is Zero necessary? Again, I just can’t judge excuses for the show. But trouble with the cast has been an issue before. Season 15 solves Geoff’s sabbatical by actually making Grif’s absence a part of the plot. Zero’s lack of Reds and Blues just feels like this excuse to tell a story that needn’t be a part of RvB.

Am I a hater? I guess? I greatly dislike Zero for the critique stated above. I do, however, not harass the creators and no one should ever do that. However, I have to admit that I feel there’s been this weird rejection of any critique of Zero where everything’s been brushed off as haters gonna hate, including the critique stated above. And I think that’s a problem because critique, as hard as it can be to hear (and I know this. I’m an author of original works. Weird flex, I know), is valid and necessary and shouldn’t just be shrugged away. As always, both sides of the fandom should always be respectful, but my own opinion is that addressing the flaws of Zero should not be controversial.

Does this super long rant/critique/whatever mean you cannot enjoy Zero? Gods no! I almost envy you if you enjoy this season, but holy shit, feel free to love it and tell the creators that you love it! Me pointing out the issues I have with the season shouldn’t be stopping you. I loved (and still love) s15 when it came out, and it was majorly rejected by the fandom. There were many, many critical posts, people were going on about how RvB should have ended with s13, and it evolved into the writer receiving death threats (me, once again: never ever harass the creators, assholes). But I didn’t tell people to stop being negative. I actually agreed with many of the flaws that were pointed out, and I enjoyed the season despite this, because that is possible. We, as RvB fans, should agree that RvB, is... I mean, it’s not the greatest, most flawless of shows, but we love it nonetheless. So go ahead and love Zero. This is not a stop sign. This is my opinion that you chose to read.

Wait, I promised you a cookie, didn’t I? Well, you’re not getting one. Why? Because I’m a Red and this is my chance to piss off a Blue. As Caboose wisely said: “Well, at least I don't go around... knocking on people's non-doors... and promising them cookies... and then NOT. GIVING. THEM. COOKIES!”

Blue Team sucks.

End speech.

[protomun]

Hi I've got a prompt. Caleb gets hit with a Wild magic surge and gets turned into a small Child (Like luc's age) for an hour. He is fascinated by Essek.

One minute, Caleb’s hands are outstretched, twining string between his fingers, unleashing a fury of flames - where did he learn that? - and the next, he’s vanished into heat and the light, the magic surging and sparking as if it’s come alive. At first, Essek wonders if this is not the intended effect, but as the flames clear and he sees the truth of what has happened, he is struck by two jarring realizations at exactly the same time. The first is that his colleague is now twenty-some-odd years younger: a small child, wide-eyed and innocent. The second is that those same innocent eyes are staring - not unlike Essek’s own, awed and terrified looking upon him - into the visage of a monster easily ten times his newly polymorphed size.  “CALEB!” Veth’s voice is the one that rings him out of the shock that snares him. A bolt is loaded and fired; it pierces the screaming creature in its side. “Essek! Get him out of here!” Beau shouts over her shoulder, grabbing the brutish warbeast and quite literally bearing her face into its to provide him the moment that he needs to misty step the distance between himself and the boy. He arrives in a flourish of violet-hewn silk, cloak fluttering as he scoops the child that looks so very much like his fellow wizard into his arms. “Everything’s going to be alright,” he says as he runs - not floats, runs - and he isn’t sure if he’s trying to assure Caleb or himself. ----------------------------------------------- They are sitting in the hallway; Caleb’s legs kicking back and forth, Essek bowed and watching him. He cannot help the curiosity weaving through the panic concern that is on a constant loop of “how did this happen” and “how do I fix it”. This small boy beside him shares so much of Caleb - his masterfully unkempt tawny locks, his kind blue eyes, even his clothing is the same as it was, but as if tailored to a much smaller frame. The heaviness about the man he knows is gone; the worn crease of his brows, the haunted look in his eyes, always there beneath the surface - eyes that have known horrors - replaced by naivety and wonder. He is a quiet child; he has not said a word since they fled the fight, instead staring at the ground and occasionally casting furtive glances over when he seems to think Essek isn’t looking. At length, he looks at Essek. “You’re pretty cool looking. Are you a kryn?” “I am.” It strikes him how gentle the voice is, how polite; he has not been around children in some time. This is not quite how he imagined it would be like. “My dad says that the Kryn want to hurt us. But you saved me.” And there’s the rub. Of course an empire father would teach the fear to his child that Essek himself had inspired. It stings - the prick of new regret and old transgressions. He wants to crawl into a hole and pull it in after himself. “Your father is right that you should be careful, but I do not want to hurt you. I am going to sit here with you until our friends arrive. I am sure they will be along soon.”  The boy swings his legs a bit more. “I’m five.” Childleb says. “How old are you?” Essek can’t fight the smile that touches the corner of his lips. “A lot older than five.” It’s at this point that he thinks he hears a voice from down the hallway, and he stands to listen. His feet do not touch the floor, levitating just slightly above it - pomp and circumstance that comes as easily to him now as breathing. “Whoa! You can fly!” Childleb exclaims, and there's the excitement - that spark of discovery that Essek knows too well. “I can do a lot more than fly,” Essek responds, bemused.  Part of him surfaces, that part that Caleb - young or old(er) - inspires in him, the part that wants to show off all these years of learning. “Would you like to see another magic trick?” “Uhm...yes!” “Very well. A friend showed me this, some time ago. Stand back.” Childleb scooches backward.  Essek smiles and gestures. “A little further.” A few more scooches. Essek takes a breath, raises one hand. He focuses, concentrates. A layer of frost begins to condense on

the ground in front of them, quickly expanding into the shape of a cat’s paw that rises up - ice and starlight - and curls toward the boy, just close enough that he can touch. “Whoa!! COOL!" Childleb reaches out, runs his hands across it. He looks back to the elf. "I want to be a wizard someday.” The shadowpawhand’s breath comes a little quicker, heavy with exertion, but oh how pleased with himself he looks. I can learn your secrets just as you can learn mine. “You are a very smart boy, Caleb.”  “Yeah, I know.” His foot digs into the dirt and he rocks sideways a little, tossing the off-handed comment aside with the air of a boy who’s been praised more often than he’d like. But Essek kneels beside him as the paw dissipates, eyes catching the child’s. For the first time, he holds Childleb’s gaze, almost as if he is searching for a trace of the elder mind in the younger body. Are you watching me now? he thinks, but can see no sign if so. “What if I told you that one day you will be a wizard greater than even I can imagine?”  The boy’s eyes go wide. Dreaming of endless possibility. But just as quickly the moment passes. He wraps his arms (in sleeves just a touch too big) around himself and scoots a little closer to Essek. “Can I go home now? I don’t like this place. I want my mom. And Frumpkin.” Something - he can’t quite name the feeling - tugs at Essek’s heartstrings. “Soon. I’ll get you home soon.” I promise. “Will you come too?” “I would like that.”

[hopeshoodie]

go off in those tags mama

Ok no but I want a dedicated post to talk about characterization in cmm because as much as I’m actually enjoying playing it, the characters are clearly written by different writers.

Or at least, they’ve done that thing where a show goes on for too long and the characters become caricatures of their most extreme traits in the later seasons. These are all my interpretations of the S2 characters, feel free to check me or share yours in the reblogs or replies-

Lucas: They straight up made him a prick, and not even in a logical way. Lucas was a little pretentious in S2 (using a varied vocabulary, being picky about how he presented himself, preferring expensive drinks, etc) but he made a clear effort to skip over it and be polite to everyone. But in CMM he straight up is rude to people, threatening to leave and shutting jokes down. Honestly, that would be more in-character for Rahim to do, because Lucas never openly disliked the humor of other islanders like Rahim did. And you’re telling me that the dude who was established as wealthy doesn’t know what octopus looks like, doesn’t like horses? It’s fine if he does, but no one addressed the dissonance between it and his personality. I’m fine with Lucas being a little gruff with anyone, but he’s not doing it in a nuanced or in-character way.

Priya: Of all the islanders, her and Rahim are the most out of character imo. Priya was established in S2 to be a super interesting character- on her face she’s pretty basic, enjoying boy bands and perfumes and basic chat. She’s very confident and states multiple times that she’s mature, despite doing a lot of immature things when her feelings get hurt. She’s careless with other people’s feelings and likes being pursued more than she likes being intimate. She had taste (according to the other islanders), she was a little bit goofy. We see like… None of that in CMM. In fact we actually see the opposite- they took her affiliation with sunflowers, which she explained as deeply meaningful, and made it a throwaway joke about asking people to wear “only sunflower print” to her funeral. Priya would die in S2 before wearing sunflower print- all of her clothing is un-patterned and she clearly cares about fashion. They stripped every personality trait from her and replaced it with horny.

And that’s the other thing- I’ve wanted Priya as an LI for a year. We wanted her to be the softer sapphic option to contrast Marisol’s slowburn angsty route. But I replayed the wedding episode yesterday, they didn’t edit it to make Priya seem like she was questioning. Instead, they just made her 180 on her sexuality in cmm and made every other line she says just her lusting after MC. It would’ve been so easy to fix, too. Just tone down her “I’ve been thinking about you” every line to be a couple of her being super excited to see MC. Maybe they kiss once in the bedroom, but we cannot have her be ready to commit to dating MC by episode two. It just doesn’t make sense. And the way the justified it by having her say ‘lol didn’t you notice how I always complimented you, I was attracted to you’ felt like a slap in the face rather than a callback. Like Fusebox was saying ‘lol we queer-coded her but then made her straight, remember that?’. I just… Hire a sapphic writer, please. I would believe Priya examined her sexuality after the villa or even after the wedding, but the way she talks about it isn’t nearly conflicted or in depth enough to make sense. Yes, this spinoff is supposed to be fan service, but… It’s a yikes from me.

Gary: They just straight up made Gary a bumbling idiot in cmm. Yes Gary was slower on the uptake than other islanders in S2- he didn’t recognize jokes right away and took things too literally- but he wasn’t outwardly stupid. In fact, two different times we saw him get quiet and try not to admit it when he didn’t understand things. And even then, he always laughed it off. In cmm he’s just brashly stupid in a way that’s not really funny or endearing (to me).

Rahim: This one bothers me the most because I love Rahim so much and because no one’s talking about it? Several people say things to the effect of ‘that’s just our crazy Rahim LOL’, but??? Was he ever established as the unpredictable wildcard in S2?? The only thing I can think of is that he surprised everyone by spending lots of money on dates (but that’s in-line with his character because he’s super awkward until he’s in love and then he’s SUPER romantic), but other than that he was literally never an endearingly unpredictable sort. Everyone agrees the horse thing was weird, but a lot of his other dialogue has this ‘lmao I’m craaazy’ vibe. Rahim was always quieter, avoidant of conflict, nerdy, and awkward. You could argue that his awkwardness goes away as you get to know him, but even if you were with him from day 1 in S2 he never gets this outspoken. Plus he was picky and judgmental in S2, but we see him in cmm just be super comfortable and supportive of everyone else. I love that Rahim’s here, but he’s so ooc he might as well be Henrik if they wanted a ‘goofy, outgoing, friendly’ character on the cast.

Noah: This is the only change that I really liked, but clearly we have to acknowledge that Noah is way more forward. I believe this change, because he’s had time to self-reflect and also he’s not on tv being scrutinized this time. It makes sense for him to be more flirtatious now that he knows everyone and is more comfortable, especially if he and MC are happily married.

I feel like Bobby, Marisol, Chelsea, and Lottie are all pretty in character, but maybe that’s because they just haven’t had a lot of lines yet. And Rahim/Priya are really the only characters that bother me. Don’t confuse my being critical of the writing with the series being bad- it’s not!!

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

“Let’s BTS” asks about “I like you the most” and Jin’s reaction

by Admin 2

First of all, I want to wish you all, far away in the world of Vmin and BTS, a healthy and peaceful Easter, if you celebrate it, and a nice weekend for those who don’t! Since Admin 1 is quite busy right now and currently also participating in Camp NaNoWriMo, I (Admin 2) will take over our blog for a little while though Admin 1 will still be lurking and checking comments etc. I want to emphasize right away (you will probably notice it anyway) that I have no literary talent compared to Admin 1. I'll try to worthily “replace” Admin 1 for the time being and talk to you about Vmin and more.

Unlike Admin 1, I am not so careful with shipping discussions (and I even like them) as long as everything is done respectfully and we’re all sticking to the truth about the BTS members. I don't like criticizing other shippers because I understand that other fans may love their favorite members and ships just as much as we love Vmin or Namjin, but sometimes it’s inevitable that I have to say something.

So, I invite you to a discussion. I am open to discussion.

We got two interesting questions about “Let’s BTS” and specifically Jin’s reaction to vmin and I want to discuss them.

From anon: Hi, just wanted to see what you made of Jin’s reaction to Tae’s message to Jimin on the Let’s BTS show. I’ve seen some people say he looks so done and even annoyed with it. I can understand him looking apprehensive at first because Tae is a bit of a loose canon, but everyone’s reaction after is to laugh and smile and shout but Jin is very stoic. I’m kinda new and wondering whether he isn’t a fan of Vmin’s brand of declaring their love on national TV. Although when I think of how he behaves with Joon - I’d struggle to wonder why he doesn’t like it. Any thoughts?

From anon: Hi, I cannot believe what I’m reading about Tae on some platforms. What is wrong with people? Anyways I wanted to ask you what you thought of Jin’s reaction to Tae’s message for Jimin? I’ve started seeing people saying that Jin hates the fact they’re close that’s why his reaction was weird. I’m a vmin shipper but Jin is my bias and I can’t get my head around the fact that Jin doesn’t love them both dearly. He did look “apprehensive” perhaps but I’d say with Tae being Tae; that isn’t surprising.

In order to answer these two questions and to form my opinion on the matter, I’ve looked at the situation with regard to Jin and other members several times.

I admit that I’m surprised myself that Taehyung went this far. Actually, it's not even about the content of his words, but about the whole circumstance and the atmosphere that he created around his "confession". I don't know who added the music, whether it was a Taehyung hint or simply something the editors and PD thought of, but the whole situation and phrase gained even more "meaning" and "seriousness" through it.

I seemed as though the background music was supposed to make the moment remind everyone almost of a scene from a K-Drama (or one of vmin’s playful roleplays), but it only added to the effect of this being a serious, sincere and weighty moment instead.

Taehyung joked around by turning the table and pretending the envelope was not intended for Jimin, but this just led to an increase in the tension displayed by the members and the moment itself, and yet still Jimin was immediately convinced that he was the one for whom the envelope would be. Everyone was acting (which makes it sound like they were faking it which isn’t what I mean) like they were curious, but you could clearly see everyone's tension and nervousness, especially when looking at Jimin. Taehyung added that the contents of the card within the envelope were for Jimin's eyes only, emphasizing the seriousness and intimacy of what he was about to say. As a result, Jimin’s reaction led to uncertainty, nervousness, and at the same time an awareness of the sincerity and seriousness of Taehyung's words.

The words "I like you the most" are (on a superficial surface level) nothing big when compared to "I love you", but they still had the biggest reaction. Jimin wrote "I love you" to Suga and absolutely no one reacted nervously, everyone joined in on the declaration, and the situation was relaxed and even funny. Why did Taehyung’s words cause such reactions then? Why?

My thought is this: When the envelope was revealed to be for Jimin, it was met with tension by both members and Jimin. We all know that Taehyung can be a bit of a loose cannon sometimes, even on national television, when it comes to Jimin.

Jungkook immediately commented that "it’s about friendship", Suga laughed nervously and loudly, as if he wanted to end the situation quickly, and Jin had a serious face that didn’t seem all too positive or eager about what would happen next.I'm not going to go into Jimin's reaction here, but rather Jin’s, since that’s what the anons were wondering about.

In my opinion, Jin doesn't like situations that slip into seemingly too private matters. He is definitely the kind of person who gives up the least private information. The situation with Vmin clearly didn't suit him. And not because Jin doesn't like Vmin (because that’s simply not true), but because he knew this program would be broadcast nationally and streamed worldwide, that it would be debated, that every word would be analyzed, and most importantly, because the team that recorded the show wasn’t their own but one that belonged to KBS. Jin doesn't want anyone to have access to BTS's private life, after all he even asked the You Quiz editors to cut what he saw as too sad/depressing about his answers so clearly he thinks about and considers many such things. I think Taehyung didn't care all that much, but Jin did care.

Perhaps I will go too far in my analysis and imagination here, but let's not forget that in the near future Jin is going to have to leave for his military enlistment in the highly conservative Korean army, which holds very homophobic views. Any shadow cast on any of the BTS members (even if some of them are already suspected to be queer) can endanger Jin or make it even more difficult for him to perform his service well and safely. The suspicion that two of the members might be in a relationship with each other would make Jin an accomplice, since they belong to the same group and would lead to him also being suspected of being queer, guilty by associating basically. This is my opinion at least.

Jin is the oldest and feels responsible for BTS, much the way Namjoon does as leader, for everyone including Taehyung, because Jin is aware of the wave of hatred that will be/is poured onto Taehyung across sns after such a public statement. According to Jin, in my humble opinion, this is neither the time nor the place to take such a step in such serious manner. As long as everything was done in form of jokes and witty answers, Jin was joining in and having fun, but when it was Tae's turn his face became serious, as if to warn Taehyung. Jin knew that "Taehyung's atmosphere" could/would fluster Jimin and the entire team, and could become the subject of rumors spread by the staff that isn’t their own.

So no, Jin’s reaction wasn’t because he hates vmin or anything like that, because that’s not true on any level, but because Taehyung’s words about liking Jimin the most were perhaps too sincere for the setting they were in, raising too many brows, and that’s potentially why he reacted the way he did. After all, if you watch the 5th Muster concerts, and especially the one in Seoul, when vmin stand at the very end together, Jin approaches them and throws water at them as though to pull them out of their bubble and back into reality. All in good fun and because he simply cares a lot about them.

Also, an alternative and even more simple answer could be that Jin’s face has no relation to anything I just said and doesn’t tell us anything about what he thought about Taehyung’s words. After all in some interviews he also just sits there quietly and watches/listens to the other members and that doesn’t mean anything at all, or at least nothing negative. But since you asked for my thoughts, here they are, though they don’t have to be right.

I actually have no idea what the reactions are to this show in Korea and among the general public, but I've seen the reactions to Tae’s words across various sns, which one of the anons also mentioned so I’d like to talk about those for a moment as well.

My hair stood on end when I read some of the responses/posts about Taehyung. I never thought that people who call themselves ARMY or fans of BTS would have such opinions about any of the members. A wave of hatred literally flooded Taehyung, like Admin 1 previously mentioned in their answer to an ask.

I just wanted to cry. It shocked me how far shipping can go (literally playing with actual, living people with no regard to their own words and thoughts) that it can cause such extreme emotions in "fans". It's hard to say which is more negative and alarming for some, Taehyung potentially really having (romantic and reciprocated) feelings for Jimin, Taehyung's feelings not being for the “right” person, or the mere fact that Taehyung's feelings are for a person of the same gender.

It’s also interesting to see how deceptive some are. I don’t even mean that “Taehyung and Jimin like each other most” is ignored, which it is, but rather that those mutual feelings were manipulated to twist them into a completely different direction and to another person, or turned into mere jokes or sarcasm. As if all of this simply never happened.

On the other hand, the fact that Jungkook unbuttoned his shirt before going on stage for “My Time”, as opposed to him not doing so during rehearsals, has become very important and an example of J*k*ok being in a relationship, how that’s now even clearer than ever before and is an indisputable fact, according to shippers. Apparently, J*k*ok were flirting with each other throughout the entire segment and show and only had eyes for each other. Somehow Jungkook imitating Jimin is the final piece of evidence to prove everything shippers ever claimed and thus, according to them, everyone must now see that they love each other romantically.

I've carefully watched this show three times, this particular segment and everything else too, and frankly I haven't seen anything that could be called anything even close to flirting when it comes to the two main ML ships. I'm mature and I think I know what flirting is and I can “read” the simplest human behavior, but I really couldn’t see any of it. In my opinion, Jungkook imitating Jimin is clear and open and not a secret. I fully understand Jungkook, I would also follow Jimin in his place :-) Jimin's dancing and looks, as well as his professional work ethic, are truly breathtaking, inspiring and worth imitating. However, this has absolutely nothing to do with romantic affection or a romantic relationship between them, in my opinion.

Hence, I fail to understand these behaviors which in turn lead to a wave of hatred against Taehyung and the, repeated, disregard, belittlement and erasure of Jimin’s and Taehyung’s friendship and relationship bond, and even some going as far as pretending anything vmin was simply not there at all just to make their ship seem more real, booo.

[youralwaysandforever]

the Malfoy bride

Draco Malfoy x Female!Reader

disclaimer; English is not my first language, I am sorry for any mistakes!

summary: you have been engaged to the Malfoy heir since the moment you have been born, although you had never met him. Just when the Second Wizarding War has been officially declared, you have been sent to Britain to finally marry Draco Malfoy, and live with him. (set during the Deathly Hallows Part 1)

warning: strong language, sensitive content (such as panic attacks, violence), graphic sexual scenes.

I had hated the Manor since I had arrived, it had been gloomy, brad, unwelcoming, and lonely. I hadn’t been allowed to leave my chambers. I have been a prisoner in the place that should feel like my home. Draco had rarely visited me, and I have been here for almost two months.

It had been early September (1997), I had been in the library, the only other place, I have been permitted to go. Suddenly, the doors burst open, I promptly stood up, my wand in my hand, pointing towards the doors.

“It’s just me”, he uttered and I exhaled heavily, before collapsing onto the carpet. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I thought that you-”, I shook my head and sat back on the couch.

“You thought that I had been someone else?!”, I only nodded, I hadn’t expected him to sit next to me, but he did. “Has somebody approach you?”, I just sighed.

“I hear echoes throughout the hallways, screamings”, I brought my knees to my chest hugging them. I had been wearing only a satin nightdress, I haven’t found the reason to wear anything but my sleepwear, since I hadn’t been going anywhere else besides my room, and the library.

“This arrived today”, he let out and I raised my eyes to meet his, he had been holding a letter, “It is from your mother”

I hastily opened it and read its content, she had been alive, she would be going to America to stay with our relatives there till the War would end. Typical mother. She hadn’t even asked if I had been alright or if I had wanted to go with her, she had only cared for herself. I stood and threw the letter in the fireplace, staring it as the flames destroyed it.

“This bloody war sucks”, I groaned and I heard Draco chuckling, he had been watching me, his blonde hair falling in his forehead, his grey eyes darkened, and a glass of scotch on his hand. “Where had you been?”, he seemed to be taken aback by my question.

I approached him slowly, his eyes had been studying my moves, I raised my dress, so I wouldn’t step on it, and sat on his lap. He eyed me before wrapping both his arms around my waist, pressing me closer to him.

“You shouldn’t ask where I had been”, he muttered as his eyes landed on my lips, “It isn’t safe for you”, I put a hand on his chin before I leaned forward and kissed him. He immediately kissed me back.

We have kissed before, on the day of our wedding, on the after party, and about a week ago when he hadn’t been sure if he would come back from some mission. We hadn’t been in love with each other but we simply offered each other comfort, closure. Unlike the pecks we shared before, this kiss had been overwhelming, I could feel everything, every single emotion of his, the passion, the lust, the anger, the distress, and the fear.

He suddenly picked me up and laid me over the fluffy carpet in front of the fireplace. Our mouths attached. His hands pushed the straps of my nightdress down, and he rolled my very hard nipples with his fingers as his lips worked on my neck. I moaned and arched my back as soon his tongue began tasting my nipple, he then yanked the fabric of my dress further down and removed his jacket while I literally tore his shirt open. We worked together undoing his pants, the moment they had gone out of the away, he made me sit in his lap again, and I slowly lowered myself on him, taking him in. I heard him hissing and then his teeth grazed on my shoulder. We had been moving in sync, which had been the best feeling in the world, he kissed me, I kissed him. My hands traced his gorgeous muscles while his had been squeezing my bum roughly. I had been close and he had to be feeling it, because, then he changed our positions lying me across the carpet and trust in me brutally, my fingernails scratched his back. We moaned so loud, when we orgasmed, I had been sure the entire Manor had heard us but I hadn’t care at that moment.

Without releasing we had fallen asleep on the carpet, Draco had conjured a couple of pillows and a blanket to cover us. We had just stayed lying together, naked, my head on his chest and his arms around me for the first time in months, I felt that we have been married, that we have been belonged to each other now.

“Kiara”, he muttered against my hair, I lifted my head to face him and he smiled to me, “Wanna go to bed?”

He had asked the most simple thing but for a reason, I could help but widely smile at him, I pecked his lips and when he opened his eyes and stared at each me, I felt something burning inside me, my magic, as if it had changed somehow.

It had been several weeks since we had fucked at the carpet of the library, Draco and I have been spending every night together. He would usually have to attend a meeting with the Death Eaters and Lord Voldemort in the evenings but the nights had been ours.

Tonight; I had to attend a dinner with them as wife of Draco, I had been afraid to be in the presence of You-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, but I had no choice.

I had been wearing a long, backless, sleeveless, silver dress which had been chosen by Narcissa Malfoy, my mother-in-law, and had been extremely well-fitted on me. I had matched it with a pair of black stilettos and long silver-rose diamond earrings. While my long hair had been beautifully fixed up by the Malfoy house elf.

I have been about to step out of my chambers when I sensed a powerful protecting spell being cast around the room. I grasped my wand and pointed at the door but I lowered because Draco walked inside dressed in the most sexy dark grey tuxedo.

“You look ravishing”, I smirked and approached him seductively, making sure to show the cut in the side of my dress.

“Your mother picked it”, he dragged me to his arms and grinned against my lips.

“Then perhaps my mother doesn’t want us to attend the dinner after all”, he smashed his lips on mine and I quickly wrapped my arms around his neck, pressed myself closer to him.

He suddenly hoisted me up, I unconsciously secured my legs around him, and then he walked towards the bed. He laid me down onto the bed and hovered over me, trailing his tongue along my neck, and shoulders. Draco found my sensitive spot behind my ear and bit on hard, making moan loudly and arch my back, that seemed to appreciate, as he rapidly pushed my dress down enough to fully expose my breasts.

“No bra, my love?”, he asked, grinning, and he closed his lips around one of my nipples as his hand cupped my other breast.

“It has been because of the dress”, I managed to say and he smirked evilly, before shoving his hand under my dress and finding the wet mess which he created.

“You want me, huh?!”, I undid his jacket and shirt, as he then thrust three fingers in me without a warning.

He shoved roughly, added another one, more harshly, I had braised myself against the headboard, while he had been fucking me with his fingers, he twisted and pushed in and out of me in such a brutal speed. I had been a moaning mess under him.

“I asked a question”, he hissed, and picked my nipple with his free hand while he kept fingering me. “Kiara”

“Yes!”, I yelled at the top of my lungs, “I bloody want you so much!”, he grabbed my face kissing me hard.

I heard him whispering something, probably a charm, and our clothes became a pile on the ground. We had been both finally completely naked, he hadn't wasted any time, he replaced his hand with his hard member. I literally shed tears, he had been gripping my hips as he pounded. I had closed my eyes, but then I felt him kissing me on the cheek, jaw, I opened my eyes and I found him looking at me. He smirked and pressed his lips on mine, he kissed me slowly, affectionately, and that had been it.

“Draco”, I screamed as he thrust one more time hard, it had been the best orgasm of my life. Draco came a couples of seconds later.

“Merlin, I love you”, he groaned and pulled out of me, before collapsing next to me.

We had been lying on the bed, completely naked, not even bothering to cover. He had been on his stomach with his head turned towards me, while I had been on my right side staring back at him. His eyes have been glowing with love, he had said that he loved me, and I had to tell him. I needed to. Now more than ever.

“Draco”, I started, then he caressed my lower lip with his thumb while looking at me. “I think I’m pregnant”

His eyes widened, and suddenly moved on top of me, I gazed at him trying hard to not look below his waist. He supported himself on his elbows on either side of me in order to not crush me and simply stared at me.

“You think”, his palm rested on my belly and I sighed, throwing my head back. “You must leave then, love”

“Leave?!”, I asked and he kissed me softly.

“You cannot stay here if you’re carrying my child, our child”, he said and walked across the room, grabbed his wand and conjured back his clothes. He stood in front of the mirror and started fixing his hair.

“I ain’t going anywhere, Draco”, I replied and hugged the sheets around my breasts and he sat at the edge of the bed looking at me.

“You have to, darling”, I had been feeling tears on the eyes and tried to hold them back, he softly squeezed my hand. “You should not attend dinner either, I shall come with an excuse. You make sure you have things ready in case you’ll have to go tonight”

“I don’t want to leave you alone in this house”, he just smiled and then kissed my forehead before going out of the room.

I stood from the bed, packed a bag with things that I would probably need wherever I would be taken, and I decided to have a long bath, I removed my makeup, jewelry, released my hair, and let myself sink into the warm water.

Pregnant. I have been only eighteen and I have never imagined myself having a child before twenty-five at least. But I hadn’t imagined being married so young, so I guess things do change.

I moved out of the bathtub, dried myself and my hair, wore a long sleeveless nightdress with a knit sweater over it. It had been over 10 pm, dinner had to be over, I wondered why Draco hadn’t returned yet. I sat back the bed and decided to the charm to be one hundred sure that I had been pregnant. I placed my wand over my belly, took a deep breath before saying the charm and when I opened my eyes, I found a blue glow over my stomach, meaning positive. I had been pregnant.

It had been early in the morning, I hadn’t managed to sleep, Draco hadn’t returned either which worried me a lot. I decided to do something that I really shouldn’t but I had been extremely anxious about him, I walked out of my bedroom and headed for the living room of the Manor.

“Mrs. Malfoy”, I jumped at the sudden voice and as I turned I lowered my eyes to the ground to find an elf looking at me, he had big blue eyes and a kind smile. “I have been sent to accompany you to a safe house, my name’s Dobby, ma’am”

“Pleased to meet you”, I then looked at the other end of the corridor which lead to the rest of the Manor, “I want to grab my bag from my room, would be alright to apparate from there?”, he nodded at me before he disappeared, I rushed back into my bedroom, put on some shoes and grabbed my wand and my back.

I then let my eyes drift to my engagement ring which had been a simple silver one with a bright pink stone, while our wedding rings had been dark silver with our the crest of the Malfoy family inside of it. I had finally accepted him, us, and now I had to leave him alone. I sighed and stopped my tears before calling Dobby to appear, and he did.

“Ready, ma’am?”, I nodded, the elf had been about to apparate us away when the room’s door burst open. I turned to see Draco standing there with his aunt and father.

“Dobby, go”, Draco spoke avoiding looking at me, the elf let go of my hand and disappeared.

“What’s going on?”, I asked, trying to not show how I trembled.

“You dare to ask! You filthy half-blood!”, Bellatrix then screamed and moved towards me, “You’re a liar! You don’t deserve the Malfoy name! You dared to seduce Draco and make him have your disguising half-blood as his own!”

“But I’m not a”, she slapped me hard across the face, I land to the ground, coughing blood.

“Your whore mother had you with a muggleborn! She had dared to make fool of us! The Malfoys will not let this go”, Lucius, my father-in-law, shouted. He stood next to Bellatrix and kicked me hard in the stomach.

“Father, enough!”, Draco tried to stop his father but Lucius slapped him and pushed him back.

“You have shamed us”, Lucius said, “I will not accept a half-blood Malfoy! Do you understand what you’ve done?”, the eldest Malfoy yelled and kicked me again in the stomach, I cried out in pain. He then pulled out his wand and glared at me, and then glanced back at Draco. “That has to be a reminded that Malfoys take no less than the pure”, Lucius said and with his wand turned at me, he uttered the killing curse.

“NO”, Draco’s gorgeous silver eyes filled in with tears had been the last thing I had seen in this world. Then they were darkness. Absolute darkness, nothing else.

Forever yours, Kiara Malfoy.

(please don’t hate me. I love you! Thank you for all the support! ♥︎)

[typically-untypical]

May Flowers - Sun Flowers

AU: Canon

TW: Possible character fading, it’s vague

WC: 1336

Date: 5/11/2021

“The door is grey.”

“Yes Remus, thank you for pointing out the obvious.” Roman was pacing in the common room, trying to control the swell of emotions that cascaded through him, fighting against the ebb and flow of misery and fear. Patton had been missing since after their conversation. He hadn’t noticed it at first, too wrapped up in his own misery to care about the well being of the most personable side. It wasn’t until his own despair had faded, replaced with the excitement of a new love, that Roman realized he couldn’t find the parental side. What was worse, when he made it to Patton’s door, the color had already begun to fade.

“Well maybe if we paint it we can get him back. And if he’s back maybe you’ll go back to normal. You’re boring when you are like this.”

He ignored his brother, trying to think of a way that they could get access into Patton’s room. The last time they were all in that room it had not worked out well for anyone, but they might have to resort to that. Unfortunately, that also meant explaining everything to Thomas.

“Sides change with time, it is…” Logan looked up from his book, the one he was pretending to read despite not having changed the page in over an hour, “It is possible that Patton will not return to us.” There was a waver in his voice, barely noticeable by the others in the room, but noticeable nonetheless. No one pointed it out.

“I refuse to believe that.” Roman threw his hands in the air. “Patton is the oldest of us all, and he has always been here. If anyone is going to continue to be the same it will be him.”

“And yet, Thomas is going through a strenuous time as he re-evaluates his morality. Don’t you believe it is possible that could be quite literal since we are all metaphysical beings? It is also possible he is being split.”

Roman froze and Virgil spoke up.

“Specs, you aren’t helping.” It was typical for him to be anxious over changes, but the thought of losing Patton had never even been a possibility. Now it was, and he wasn’t sure how to handle it. His leg was bouncing up and down as he cast his eyes up towards the hallway of rooms. He could tell that Logan was just as worried as the rest of them, but the damn nerd was trying to seem calm and collected.

Logan’s calmness made him feel like this wasn’t a big deal; like his anxiety was magnifying the situation. He needed Logan to break down. He needed the reassurance that this was as serious as his mind was telling him it was. Patton might be gone for good!

The logical side finally abandoned his book, letting out a deep and heavy sigh. “We can’t fix this. Not without potentially hurting Thomas more. This is a growing moment.”

“You act as if you don’t care!” Roman was ready to let out some steam, storming towards Logan.

“Of course I care! I am the second oldest, Patton has been a constant, but we can’t fix this. Do you think I didn’t try while you wallowed in self-pity?”

At that moment the weight of his actions all fell on him. He had been sulking in his room, Virgil keeping him company as he tried to come to terms with not being Thomas’ hero. Remus and Janus would have been off in their own domain, which meant that Logan had been alone. Logan had seen all of this happening.

“Why didn’t you come get us?”

“I tried, but none of you ever listen to logic.” He sounded defeated, rubbing his eyes as he sat back down. “I am merely trying to stay true to my function here. We cannot fix this, but that doesn’t mean we will completely lose him. Honestly, it might be better if we did.”

“What do you mean?” Roman felt like he was on a rollercoaster of emotions, jumping from despair to anger so quickly it left his stomach churning.

“Even if we lose Patton, he has made a lasting impact on all of our lives. His disappearance would not cause this impact to fade. No matter what happens, we will always carry a figurative piece of him. However, if we do not lose Patton, he may be changed beyond recognition. That could be… more devastating, don’t you think?” Logan could feel the build up of pain in his throat.

Patton had been the first to greet Logan when he formed, curious about the world around him and all of its wonders and mysteries. He had been the one to push Roman towards the things he loved and dreamed about. He had been the first one to accept Virgil as a part of the famILY. He had provided Janus a foil to fight against, always pushing him to improve. He had been the reason that Remus split off from Roman. He had had an impact on all of them, and even if he faded, his impact would not.

“Then what do you suggest, Specs?”

“All we can do is offer encouragement through his door, hope it makes it through to him, and prepare for the worst.” Logan picked up his book and started to try to read again. He had been doing the best he could to not break down all week.

Virgil bit at his lip, making his ways upstairs and looking down at Remus who was still sitting at the door. Remus backed up so that Virgil could get to the door. The anxious side began to whisper something, hoping to remind Patton of all of the reasons he was loved. When he exhausted himself he left to go to his room, wanting to be alone.

Roman was the next to go up to the room, declaring his admiration for Patton and reminding him of all of the times that Patton had been a guiding light for him. He spent an hour speaking at the door, never bothering to lower his voice. He eventually left as well. By that point Logan had returned to his room, leaving only Janus and Remus.

“You really did break him double d.”

“That was not my intention, but if he can’t take the heat then it might be best that he go through a revival.”

Remus frowned, making his way to the door again, leaning against it. “Hey daddio, just so you know, I don’t blame you.” He said softly to the door. Remus left as well, leaving just Janus and Patton’s greying door.

The deceptive side closed his eyes, sighing as he made his way up. “You really shouldn’t do this Patton, you are scaring your family.” He leaned forward, resting his head on the door. “I know you are going through a crisis. I know that this is difficult for you, but being wrong does not mean that you have to lock yourself away. Take a deep breath, we will all be here when you are ready.”

Janus could feel warmth from the door, a sense of nostalgia filling him. It was sad and sweet, and all together heart breaking. “Do you remember what Logan said about nostalgia? It’s proof that things can be okay again, and they will be okay. Now, I have no intention of forcing you out of your room, take all of the time you need, rest, take care of yourself. It will be okay.” Janus pulled away, looking at the door that seemed to have gained more color. He knew that this wasn’t the end, Patton was too stubborn for that. A smile graced his face and he pulled away, gently tapping on the door.

He was self-preservation, he would make sure all of the sides had a certain longevity to them. Thomas was a wonderful human, he wasn’t going to risk that by losing such an important side.

@tsshipmonth2020

[doomonfilm]

Ranking : Gus Van Sant (1952-present)

I was somewhat familiar with Gus Van Sant prior into taking the deep dive through his catalog, but he was certainly a man that I thought I had a handle on.  I knew he had more than a few amazing films under his belt, but the recent years had not been kind to him (see the shot taken at him in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back).  I knew that he was from the Pacific Northwest (Oregon specifically), and his coming of age in an area that embraces weirdos and outsiders had an impact on him as a human and as a creator.  I knew that films like Milk and Good Will Hunting had taken Van Sant to the highest heights, while the collective panning of films like Psycho and Last Days served as valleys in a career full of glorious peaks.

What I came to discover, however, was a man with genuine creative integrity, and lots of it.  I found a director who understood his characters and actors on a human level, and shared them with viewers in ways that helped rich connections develop.  I saw a director who was not afraid to make those that society often considers outcasts the  emotionally rich and important centers of his narratives.  I watched Gus Van Sant present, explore, develop and refine his style over deeply independent and infamously studio-driven projects, giving all experiences as much care and attention as he was able.  I saw films I was familiar with find placement behind films I was new to, I discovered that his recent creative years have not been as kind to him as the first two-thirds of his career, and I can see that there still may be a bit of a smolder left in his creative fire.  

Ranking directors is a labor of love, but by no means do I consider myself the definitive professional on film canon.  I enjoyed all of the Gus Van Sant films I watched on some level, and as always, for those brave enough to interact, I’d be curious to see where you would make adjustments to the list.  But enough introduction talk, let’s get into what you folks came for!

17. Restless (2011) There are things about Restless that I want to love without judgement.  First and foremost, Mia Wasikowska is an absolute treasure who shines in this performance from the earlier portion of her career.  The portrayal of Hiroshi is one of the more subtle, substanced and interesting ways of using a ghost within the film framework.  As minor a thing as it may be to the casual moviegoer, some of this film’s technical aspects are astounding, specifically the costuming and the lighting choices.  Where the film distracts me, and therefore drops in these rankings, is where it takes the YA approach to the romantic drama, with a healthy dose of manic pixie dream girl energy thrown in for good measure.  When it comes to displaying romance on-screen, be it teenage or otherwise, there are no expectations, even for a director with a distinct style.  Where my issues arise are in the way that death is handled in this film… while I do understand that not every film has to be a distinct statement for a director (especially a film written by another individual), Gus Van Sant had already established a very mature approach to the subject of death, and the way that death and the manic pixie dream girl aspects are intertwined feels more on the amateur side than I am comfortable with for a Gus Van Sant film.  Maybe giving the impossibly troubled young man a muse with an expiration date as his way to find the best version of himself is a stroke of genius that provides a gateway for deep commentary on the concept of the manic pixie dream girl, but the film is so approachable and not the type to bare teeth (be it satirically or otherwise) that I doubt there is any subtext to its intention.  For that reason, this film finds itself on the bottom half of the Van Sant canon.

16. Don't Worry, He Won't Get Far on Foot (2018) After the critical and box office disappointment that was The Sea of Trees, director Gus Van Sant had quite the hill to climb with his next film, and with his adaptation of Don’t Worry, He Won’t Get Far on Foot, it seemed he was able to right those respective ships.  Strangely, the film failed to connect with me, and as far as I can tell, it seems to be the victim of an “all sizzle, no steak” scenario.  The film is certainly a showcase of a very diverse cast, and based on both the flashback-based and group therapy approach to the story, there are a wealth of opportunities to create memorable moments.  Unfortunately, and perhaps due to an oversight on my end, I failed to find enough substance during my viewing of the film to prop up the parade of moments.  What it felt like I was left with, sadly, was a Simple Jack-level approach to conveying a paraplegic-centered story, which undercut the fact that the film is actually telling the true story of cartoonist, artist and musician John Callahan.  That’s not to say that the film doesn’t have it’s positive aspects, such as the John Callahan illustrations and the animated versions of his work, but those positive aspects feel sparse in comparison to how much the film relishes in what feels like Oscar bait.  If nothing else, see this film for Jonah Hill, because it took me much longer than it should have to recognize him, partly due to his impressive weight loss and partly due to how dedicated he is to achieving the film’s period look.

15. The Sea of Trees (2015) Death is no stranger in the films of Gus Van Sant, but I don’t feel that it would be bold to state The Sea of Trees deals with death in the most direct manner.  For those that subscribe to grief having stages, this film accounts for all of them in some way, shape or form during the course of the narrative as we watch Arthur Brennan fall apart and rediscover himself in the wake of losing Joan Brennan, his wife.  Placing the film in Aokigahara (aka the "Japanese suicide forest") not only gives the film a sense of natural beauty, but a foreboding sense of dread and despair as well.  The core cast is as strong as any found in a Van Sant film, with Matthew McConaughey, Ken Watanabe and Naomi Watts all turning in solid performances.  Sadly, the film falters in one very core aspect : sympathy for the protagonist.  I found myself feeling very bad for Joan Brennan as I watched her arc, and despite knowing nothing about Watanabe’s character portrayal of Takumi Nakamura, I found myself sympathetic to him based solely on what he was emoting.  Arthur Brennan, however, is interesting in all the wrong ways… he is extremely cold and purposefully flat when introduced, the moments we share with the Brennans only seem to show Arthur finding joy at the expense of Joan’s pride, his view of the loss of his wife (and his world view in general) seem to be extremely self-centered, and when he does show heroic attributes they are rooted solely in self-preservation.  Perhaps if Van Sant had not already made such eloquent reflections on death via The Death Trilogy and Paranoid Park, The Sea of Trees could have been seen in a different light, but when you set such a high bar for your work, returning to stereotypical storytelling can feel flat and uninspired.

14. Last Days (2005) Last Days is a film with a weird energy and aura surrounding it… in some ways, it feels like the most performative film not only of the Death Trilogy, but out of the entire Gus Van Sant catalog.  At the risk of using too negative an adjective, it also feels the most exploitive, though neither of these observations are necessarily meant to be a knock against the film.  The Death Trilogy could not help but be exploitive at its root, as each film was inspired by an infamous death event, and with Michael Pitt’s Blake meant to be an avatar for Kurt Cobain, it would be simple to take the film at face value for some sort of glamourized and idealized fictional retelling of his tragic final moments, not to mention a few stylistic nods to iconic Cobain-related imagery.  What that viewer would be missing, in my opinion, is a film looking to make some familiar points on outsider culture (specifically alternative rock and roll counterculture and addict culture) minus all the glamour and shine.  While Blake’s house is grand, it’s decrepit and in a state of disrepair… despite it being isolated, expected and unexpected guests arrive constantly, not to mention an intrusive ringing phone that connects Blake to outworld obligations… Blake has a number of people living with him, but he almost never interacts with them.  Michael Pitt is done up to look so similar to Kurt Cobain that much of the narrative background is implied, and what we are left with is the Death Trilogy style implemented and fused onto a loose leaf narrative with just enough structure to let the supporting actors have isolated memorable moments while we watch Pitt’s Blake decay in the ways that many of us Cobain fans ruminated on in the wake of his sudden and tragic death at the height of his tortured popularity.

13. Gerry (2002) At the risk of sounding cliché, Gerry may be the most fascinating film in Gus Van Sant’s canon.  It marks a clear and definitive break in convention from a director that seemingly never cared too much for convention anyway.  Multiple aspects of this film make it extremely unique : both characters referring to one another by the same name (though Gerry eventually evolves into an all-purpose non-specific descriptor), a seemingly absent narrative, a shared goal between the characters literally referred to as “the thing” in order to purposely keep viewers in the dark and, perhaps most importantly, a deliberately methodical pacing that pushes even seasoned film lovers to the limits of their patience.  The film is beautiful, and that is a fact that cannot be denied… the painterly shot compositions of our characters in the isolated desert, the unfathomably long tracking shots that pull us deeper off the beaten path and the sonic stillness (due to a largely absent score that is replaced with the sounds of nature) either commit you fully to the experiment or come off as massively pretentious.  To view the film through that secondary lens, however, is to miss the point of it all.  Once it is understood that Gerry marked the entry point for Gus Van Sant’s Death Trilogy, you began to realize that Van Sant, in tandem with Matt Damon and Casey Affleck, are giving us an understanding of how we should view the trilogy, and how open-minded we should be in processing what is given to us, like some early high-concept version of what Quentin Dupieux would later go on to master in a more abstract manner.

12. Mala Noche (1985) It’s fitting that this was a feature-length debut from a driven and working director, as it has a very distinct look and feel to it that immediately lets you know you’re dealing with an innate storyteller and someone who has spent time observing the human condition.  In terms of visual and narrative balance, Gus Van Sant utilizes what feels like a mix of John Cassavetes and Jack Kerouac, respectively.  Van Sant’s use of titles in the film is striking, specifically in terms of the handwritten opening credits and the Dr. Pepper ad copy used to subtitle the Spanish language dialogue.  Focusing so heavily on immigration and homosexuality in 1985 is a bold choice, especially as neither group had yet to benefit (even if only minimally) from the onset of politically correct culture policing.  While the film was more than likely shot in black and white due to budgetary constraints, the infusion of somewhat modern elements (for the time) gives it a youthful and forward-thinking energy.  Having a film of this nature lean so heavily on multilingual and multicultural elements is refreshing, and even more impactful when examined under the boorish and (at times) tone deaf application that humanizes these elements.  For all of these aspects of the film, however, when examined at the pure narrative foundation, what we find is a story about how love can blind us from the reality we inhabit, and how we often choose to ignore the obvious when romance and romanticism enters the picture.

11. Psycho (1998) Of all the films in the Van Sant catalog, perhaps the bravest, boldest and most baffling entry is his nearly shot for shot remake of the iconic Alfred Hitchcock thriller and cinematic game changer Psycho.  Remakes were certainly not a new or unheard of practice at the time of the Van Sant Psycho release, but most directors opt to put significant twists or updates into their retelling of most remakes, and most films chosen do not hold the lofty stature and position that Psycho does when it comes to remakes.  Van Sant’s approach not only made viewers keenly aware of just how direct the homage was, but in some places, modern touches were added in very subtle ways to make the movie more palatable for modern audiences, including more salacious references to sexuality, sound design choices in both the diegetic and symbolic realm, and even an update or two to iconic scenes meant to make us much more uneasy with the Vince Vaughn portrayal of Norman Bates.  The actors cast were all famous and respected enough to keep the film’s timeless feeling in-tact, even if the remake could be taken as its own weird and warped project.  Personally, I’ve always loved this remake, and taken it as an experiment on the highest commercial level, and a signal to all that Van Sant (at the time) was done with the traditional approach to filmmaking and concepting.

10. Paranoid Park (2007) While many movies centered around skateboarding spend their time and design budget trying to make the outsider nature of the practice look “cool”, Paranoid Park spends its time making sure that the isolation, deep focus and rebellious attitude that come with skateboarding were more authentic than they were appealing.  High school is already a very taxing and polarizing section of juvenile development, and based on your perception at the time, the weight that the world unloads on you can feel wholly unbearable.  Perhaps this is what makes Paranoid Park such a tense film… that natural teenage angst is already imprinted into the film (and amplified due to the casting of relative unknowns), but Gus Van Sant’s signature use of alternative film stocks, obscure soundtrack and expressive, layered sound design but you square in Alex’s head from the opening moments.  As the narrative unfolds, we realize that Alex is not only dealing with standard-issue teen stress, but has unwillingly found himself involved in the type of events that change an individual’s world.  This film plays well as the first film post-Death Trilogy, as it deals with the gravity of mortality head-on much like the aforementioned three films, but does so from an adaptive stance rather than one based on true events.  If you’re a fan of skater flicks, movies with strong teen acting, or little-known Gus Van Sant gems, then Paranoid Park is a gem waiting for discovery.

9. Finding Forrester (2000) Gus Van Sant has always had a way with stories that dive below the surface of the human experience and condition, so it makes sense that his attempt at a New York-based movie about people living in “the hood” would cover an array of topics with masterful subtlety, specifically the topics of race relations, generational gaps and the blurry line between education and exploitation.  The casting on this film is extremely strong… then newcomer Rob Brown gives a riveting and dynamic lead performance, it’d be harder to cast a more perfect curmudgeon than Sean Connery, and appearances by F. Murray Abraham, Anna Paquin, Busta Rhymes and a Matt Damon cameo all stand out.  Speaking of Damon, Finding Forrester shares a similar energy to Good Will Hunting, but the proximity of release ultimately held Finding Forrester from finding its proper audience (no pun intended).  I wish I had more to say about this film outside of my personal feelings and connections to the story (which I will save for a dedicated deep dive in the future), but Finding Forrester is one of those films that has no trouble speaking for itself.

8. Promised Land (2012) As of the point that this blog post was created, this film stands as the last of the great Van Sant creations.  There is something about the Gus Van Sant approach to filmmaking that works best with “salt of the Earth” types, and with Promised Land being centered around the practice of fracking, much of that down-home nature is immediately baked into the story.  Speaking of the story, the film was co-written by the characters who ended up being the protagonist and antagonist of the picture, respectfully, which created an electric main dynamic that served as the spine for many other strong dynamics present in the film.  In terms of the cinematography, much of Van Sant’s bold approaches and stylistic shifts are absent, save for a few beautiful bird’s eye view perspective shots that give you a real idea of what rural America looks like.  Van Sant is no stranger to stacked casts, but he gets some truly top notch names to take part in this affair, and true to the clout behind these names, the performances are as stellar as they are believable and natural.  The film also touched a nerve with the actual oil industry due to some of its comments on fracking, despite it not having the reach or success of other Van Sant films.  While possibly an indicator that Van Sant would be making a stylistic shift, Promised Land still manages to capture what makes Van Sant his best self in terms of not only presenting real people, but topical and important situations.

7. Milk (2008) Gus Van Sant is clearly no stranger to having representation for the gay community in his films, so it makes sense that one of the hallmark films in his canon would center around gay rights activist and politician Harvey Milk.  Much like JFK crystalized Oliver Stone, or Spike Lee was raised to another echelon by Malcolm X, Van Sant found a second round of Academy Award-level validation via this biopic while solidifying himself as a creative who could go back and forth effortlessly between big budget studio films and independent projects.  With Sean Penn giving one of his signature chameleon-like performances and leading the pack, this Van Sant production is filled with tons of burgeoning talent who have since gone on to make names for themselves in the industry, including the likes of Emile Hirsch, Diego Luna, James Franco, Alison Pill and others, plus a standout performance from Josh Brolin (who also depicted George W. Bush in the same year for the aforementioned Stone).  While it may not be the most technically marveling film of Van Sant’s career, it is clearly one of his most important, and the way that it handles the messages it intends to share is as confident as it is even-keeled, which is important for a film that could have easily become a soapbox for espousing personal beliefs and political agendas.

6. Even Cowgirls Get the Blues (1993) This Gus Van Sant adaptation of the famed author Tom Robbins novel shares the same creative energy of films like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Natural Born Killers, Harold and Maude and so on in the sense that it is a very expressive film with a very specific idea it is looking to present.  Where the aforementioned films explored ideas of free love taken to the extreme, the toxicity of media, love without judgement and so on (respectively), Even Cowgirls Get the Blues puts femininity and identity outside of the male gaze squarely in its crosshairs.  Uma Thurman takes on the role of Sissy with wide-eyed zeal, floating through a series of hitchhiker-based adventures until her reluctant visit to the Rubber Road Ranch helps her find the missing piece of her puzzle.  Seeing a bizarre, star-studded tale of a woman finding her agency sounds like it would work on the surface, but from what I could find, the film failed to make a connection with audiences and is considered a commercial and critical failure (which is probably why it was the toughest film to track down on this list).  That being said, I’m a sucker for films that catch a bad rap, especially when the combination of such a unique director and visionary author are the foundation of it, because it makes me curious about why I find connection where others did not… who knows, maybe it was those extremely distracting rubber thumbs (the only real knock I can make on the film), or maybe the Tom Robbins style is tough to transfer from page to screen, but for my money’s worth, I can see the vision.

5. My Own Private Idaho (1991) Somewhere within the intersection of films like Midnight Cowboy and Fight Club lies My Own Private Idaho, an extremely personal and nuanced film that covers many topics with depth and an ease that comes with wisdom and experience.  For example, when it comes to views on identity, we get two rich narratives that could easily both be their own film : Mike (portrayed by River Phoenix) is going through a crisis of identity based on a sordid history with his mother and absentee father that makes his search for love transform into a life of hustling as a way to find momentary intimacy; meanwhile, Keanu Reeves (who plays Scott) is an entitled young man awaiting an inheritance that decides to spend the time until it happens “slumming” with those many would consider the outcasts of society, much like the “tourists” spoken of by Edward Norton’s narrator in Fight Club.  The struggle with masculinity in the face of homosexuality is all over this film, from its multiple male on male connections to the very toxic manner that the core group interacts with one another, when they are not grieving or putting their livelihood in danger via petty crimes.  In terms of Van Sant style, the film is one of his most innovative (outside of the film holding the top spot) in terms of looks, with its unique range of colorful title cards, the pinhole vision that Mike uses on his road, or even the standout magazine rack sequence.  The film is also a perfect follow-up to Drugstore Cowboy, and could easily double feature with it to this day.  As someone not wholly familiar with Shakespeare’s Henry plays, I did not catch that My Own Private Idaho was an adaptation, so I will not only have to revisit it with that familiarity in tow, but  I will have to take a look into James Franco’s re-cut, My Own Private River, as well.

4. Elephant (2003) Based solely on the nature and definition of a trilogy, a second film can make or break things.  Gerry and Last Days share similarities in how quiet and isolated they are, so it makes sense that Elephant, part two of Van Sant’s Death Trilogy, would in many ways be the meat of the trilogy sandwich in terms of style and thematic substance.  Elephant operates on several distinct levels based on Van Sant’s observations of the world going into the new millennium, as the film allowed him a foundation for both experimentation and examination by proxy.  While the long takes and vast amount of distance traveled during said takes was present in all three films of the trilogy, Van Sant made a concentrated effort to make the shots look and feel similar to that of video games like the later Grand Theft Auto entries, hence a number of the shots being positionally locked during travel (often times a few feet behind the character at the center of that moment’s focus).  There are ramp-downs of the frame rate to punctuate certain moments, and quite often the camera is thrown on a tripod and allowed to take in the array of high schoolers living their standard life.  It is this mundane world-building aspect that not only gives the viewer a rapid but deep look into a handful of character’s lives, but it gives you a sense of the school’s social hierarchy while forcing you to reflect on where you once stood within it.  Per the film’s clever title, the elephant in the room eventually appears in the form of Eric and Alex, the pair of school shooters meant to reflect the Columbine Massacre perpetrators.  While school shootings weren’t an unknown phenomenon going into the 2000’s, Elephant became prophetic in its vision by releasing right before the numbers started rising at an alarming rate on these incidents.  In that sense, Elephant holds the dual distinction of not only being one of Van Sant’s best films, but one of his most important.  I will soon be looking into the 1989 Elephant film as well.

3. Drugstore Cowboy (1989) The power of Drugstore Cowboy as a modern-day narrative tragedy about the epidemic of prescription drugs, the dark allure of crime and the oddball way that broken people find solace in one another is immediately evident to anyone who has had the pleasure to see Gus Van Sant’s studio directorial debut.  Where the film really stands out however, in my opinion, is the way that Van Sant is able to achieve his major studio look while deeply applying a very artistic and personal aesthetic to the cinematography and editing.  The traditional looks are interspersed with the use of different film stocks, subtle blends of animation and flashes of stylistic edits that were almost certainly an inspiration for Darren Aronofsky’s “hip-hop editing” style.  Add to this an incredibly intuitive and expressive core cast driven by the chemistry between Matt Dillon and Kelly Lynch (and a very early Heather Graham supporting appearance), plus a strong appearance by the always memorable Max Perlich, a fiery James Remar performance and an iconic cameo from William S. Burroughs.  The jazz-influenced score not only makes key scenes livelier, but it is a symbolic statement on the drug use depicted in the film, while simultaneously playing counter to the soundtrack choices.  Period, point-blank, Drugstore Cowboy is the kind of film that surely put the world on notice, and was a clear signal of the magnificent work that would follow.

2. Good Will Hunting (1997) If held up to the standards of what people consider to be good (or even classic) film, Good Will Hunting more than holds up to scrutiny.  Visually there are a small handful of flourishes, and having Elliot Smith’s music accompany Will’s painful but enlightening journey has only become more of a bittersweet sting as the years go by.  In terms of performances, everyone brought their A+ game to the table, be it the leading performances of Matt Damon, Robin Williams or Stellan Skarsgård, the supporting performances of Ben Affleck or Minnie Driver, or even the engaging nature of Cole Hauser and repeat scene stealer Casey Affleck.  After a flurry of dedicated fandom viewings in the years following this film’s release, a very long period away from the film where I had leagues of personal growth, and a revisitation for this set of rankings, what I have discovered is that Good Will Hunting presents a wish fulfillment fantasy that was nearly incapable of being a reality in the pre-internet age for anyone other than a character like Will : an undiscovered genius with a degree from the school of hard knocks.  In a world where people often wish they had the correct answer to every question, the looks and personality to be a social magnet, and the ability to back up any tough talk with stone hands, Will Hunting stood as an idealized example you wished you could peel off the screen and have some beers with.  As the internet has invaded our lives, however, most everyone has turned into a keyboard version of Will Hunting, looking for fights online when not having briefly intimate Google sessions to flex our supposed knowledge.  Much like Will, many people find that the knowledge minus the wisdom of worldly experience and vulnerability leaves you a shell of a person filled to the eyeballs with regret, and perhaps that is why this film only gets better as the years go by, and remains among the best of the Van Sant creations.

1. To Die For (1995) For the longest time, I avoided To Die For simply because I was not a fan of Nicole Kidman…  the vast majority of her roles held no interest to me prior to To Die For (it took Eyes Wide Shut for me to really start paying attention to her), and because she was so key to the film, there was never a sense of urgency about seeing it.  As time went by, however, I started to hear rumblings that To Die For may have been a bit ahead of its time, to the point that technology and social practices have caught up to some of the ideas presented in the film.  I finally watched it for this ranking set, and man, I really missed the boat on this one.  Plain and simple, this film is pure genius on every level.  The presentation starts off documentary-esque, which not only allows for expedited distribution of backstory information, but immediately gives you an idea for the personalities of our key characters.  Kidman’s portrayal of Suzanne stood as the textbook example for what has become commonly known as sociopathy, with her blind desire for fame and respect leading to a wake of human destruction.  In terms of narrative pacing, the film proceeds like a match dropped at the endpoint of a long gasoline trail, slowly drifting towards the eventually point that everything blows up and damage must be assessed while blame and accountability must be handled, resulting in a truly powerful ending more than deserving of the heavy lifting that precedes it.  The 24-hour news cycle was on the horizon in 1995, daytime talk shows and MTv’s The Real World had not shifted into the reality TV landscape that we know today, and while a few high profile cases such as the Menendez Brothers and Pamela Smart trial (the loose inspiration for this film) had happened, the bombshell and watershed trail that was the O.J. Simpson murder case was hot on the heels of To Die For’s release (the same month, actually).  Stylistically, the film also bears striking resemblance to an updated version of Sunset Boulevard, be it knowingly or not.  Long story short, the best films not only comment on the times in which they are created, but gain relevance as time passes, and To Die For handled both of these things phenomenally.