#you know what I’ll commit to going and not force myself to try to talk to anybody

[tiredf-o-u-r]

Hm. And what about when I go outside and have to be me? That fucking sucks I don’t wanna do that. I don’t see that working out as far as attracting friends but maybe I’ll at least get used to seeing people my age again

[elryuse]

Pt. 5 First Kiss

BABEL'S CHAINS MASTERLIST : HERE

Y/n's Pov

A New Day

The next morning, the air felt heavier than usual as I dragged myself out of bed. I checked my phone almost instinctively, hoping—praying—that Karina, Winter, Giselle, or Ningning had sent me something. An explanation, an apology—anything to acknowledge what had happened last night.

But my notifications were empty. No calls, no texts. Just silence.

I stared at the blank screen for a while before setting it down with a sigh. I couldn’t force them to care, I told myself. Maybe they were too busy dealing with the fallout of the rumors. Maybe they were just protecting themselves. Either way, I had to move on.

When I arrived at college, the bustling energy of Babel felt different, almost suffocating. People whispered as I walked past, some even pointing. I didn’t need to hear their words to know what they were saying.

"That’s him. The guy from the post."

"Why would Karina even talk to someone like that?"

"Pathetic."

I kept my head down and pushed through the crowd until I reached the classroom. Karina was already there, sitting at her usual spot near the front. I hesitated, debating whether to wave or greet her. But she didn’t even glance my way.

She just stared straight ahead, her eyes fixed on the professor as he set up his materials. The distance between us felt like a chasm.

I took my seat across the room, trying not to look at her, but it was impossible. She was still as beautiful as ever—her dark hair cascading over her shoulders, her sharp features glowing under the soft light. But no. I had to keep my distance. It was for her own good.

The class felt like it dragged on forever, the professor’s voice blending into background noise. When it finally ended, I slipped out before anyone could stop me.

The cafeteria was my next destination. Usually, I’d sit with Karina or one of the others, but today, I found a quiet corner by myself. I picked at my food, the loneliness settling in like an old, unwelcome friend.

I was mid-bite when I felt hands cover my eyes.

“Guess who?”

The voice was teasing, playful, and all too familiar.

“Yuna,” I said, my tone flat as I gently removed her hands.

“Bingo!” she grinned, pulling up a chair and sitting next to me. Her friends—Yeji, Lia, Ryujin, and Chaeryeong—followed suit, crowding around the table.

“What are you doing here all alone?” Yuna asked, leaning in closer with that mischievous glint in her eyes.

“I’m eating,” I replied, trying to keep my tone neutral.

“No,” she said, waving her hand dismissively. “I mean, where are your friends? Karina, Winter, and the rest of the Aespa crew?”

My grip on my fork tightened. “They’re... busy.”

Yuna raised an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced. “Busy, huh? Or are they just ignoring you after last night’s mess?”

The words stung, but I didn’t let it show. “It’s not like that,” I said, though even I didn’t believe it.

Ryujin smirked, resting her chin on her hand as she watched me. “You’re an interesting guy, Y/n. Getting tangled up with Aespa? Bold move.”

“I didn’t get tangled up with anyone,” I muttered, focusing on my food.

Yuna laughed, the sound light and carefree. “Relax. We’re just messing with you.” She nudged me playfully, her smile softening. “But seriously, if they’re treating you like this, maybe you should hang out with us instead. We’re much more fun, don’t you think?”

I glanced around the table. Yeji offered me a kind smile, Lia looked curious but kind, while Chaeryeong seemed shy but genuine. Ryujin, on the other hand, looked like she was plotting something, her smirk never fading.

“I’ll think about it,” I said, not wanting to commit to anything.

Yuna leaned back, satisfied with my answer. “Good. Because I have a feeling we’re going to get along just fine.”

For the first time that day, I felt a flicker of warmth. Maybe things weren’t as hopeless as they seemed. But as I watched Yuna’s confident smile, a part of me couldn’t shake the feeling that this was just the beginning of something far more complicated.

Karaoke?

After finishing my meal, I sat there for a moment, staring at the empty plate in front of me. Normally, this would be the time I’d head to Aespa’s apartment. Maybe I’d cook them something comforting, hear their laughter echo through the space, and for a brief moment, feel like I belonged somewhere.

But not today.

I sighed, standing up and heading toward the exit when a familiar voice stopped me.

“You wanna hang out?” Yuna’s voice was lively, cutting through the dull haze in my head. I turned to see her walking toward me, her trademark grin plastered on her face. Behind her, Ryujin, Yeji, and the rest of her group trailed along, their expressions a mix of curiosity and mischief.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I replied hesitantly, scratching the back of my neck. “Your group is just as popular as Aespa. I don’t want to ruin your image.”

Yuna tilted her head slightly, her lips curving into a softer smile. “And you think we care about that?” she said, her voice gentler this time. Her warm gaze locked onto mine, almost disarming in its sincerity.

Ryujin, standing a few steps behind, let out a loud chuckle. “Do you think we give a damn about what those internet vampires say about us? Please.” She crossed her arms, smirking. “They’re gonna talk no matter what. Might as well have fun while they do it.”

“Exactly,” Yuna chimed in, taking a step closer. “Look, I know things are messy for you right now, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Come with us. We’ll hit up a karaoke place, sing our hearts out, and forget all the bullshit for a while.”

I hesitated, glancing at the group. Yeji gave me a reassuring nod, while Lia and Chaeryeong smiled encouragingly. Even Ryujin, in her usual teasing way, seemed genuine in her offer.

“I don’t know…” I trailed off, unsure if this was really the best move.

Yuna reached out and lightly tugged at my sleeve. “Come on, Y/n. You need this. We all do.” Her voice was soft but firm, her expression leaving no room for argument.

Before I could overthink it, I found myself nodding. “Alright. But just for a little while.”

Yuna’s face lit up, her excitement contagious. “Yes! Trust me, you won’t regret it.”

Ryujin clapped me on the back as we started walking out of the cafeteria. “You’re gonna have a blast. And if not, well, at least you’ll hear Yuna butcher a few songs.”

“Hey!” Yuna protested, laughing as she swatted at Ryujin.

For the first time in what felt like forever, I felt a flicker of light cutting through the darkness. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

The ride to the karaoke place with Itzy was surprisingly lively. The girls joked, laughed, and bickered like they didn’t have a care in the world. For a moment, I felt a strange sense of comfort, like I wasn’t just some outsider navigating this unfamiliar world.

When we arrived, Yuna grabbed my arm, leading me inside with that radiant, unyielding energy she always seemed to carry. Her grip was firm yet gentle, a warmth I hadn’t realized I’d been craving.

“Let’s take the room in the back!” Yeji suggested, her voice decisive.

“Of course,” Ryujin said, smirking. “Far away from prying eyes.”

The staff guided us down a dimly lit hallway to a private room at the end. As the door closed behind us, it felt like we’d stepped into another world—a small sanctuary, away from all the chaos and gossip.

The room was cozy, with colorful lights flashing in sync with the music playing in the background. The girls immediately sprang into action, flipping through the song list and arguing over what to sing first.

“Ballads are boring!” Ryujin protested as Chaeryeong hovered over the screen.

“But they’re emotional!” Chaeryeong retorted, her pout earning a laugh from Lia.

While the girls debated, Yuna handed me a small bottle of Soju, her warm smile making my heart skip a beat. “Here,” she said softly, holding it out. “I figured you could use a little something to relax.”

I hesitated for a moment before taking it, my fingers brushing against hers briefly. “Thanks, Yuna.”

She sat beside me, her presence radiating a strange combination of excitement and calm. “No problem. But don’t think you’re off the hook. You’re definitely singing today.”

I laughed nervously, twisting the cap off the bottle. “We’ll see about that.”

The girls finally settled on their first song—an upbeat pop track that Yeji and Ryujin dominated with their energy. The microphone passed around, each girl taking turns belting out lyrics while the others cheered and danced along.

Yuna leaned closer, nudging my shoulder. “This is fun, right? Way better than moping around by yourself.”

I nodded, a small smile tugging at my lips. “Yeah, it is.”

As the night went on, the carefree atmosphere began to chip away at the weight I’d been carrying. Yuna kept glancing at me, her gaze filled with something unspoken—a mix of curiosity, warmth, and something deeper. Every time our eyes met, I felt a strange sense of hope flickering to life within me.

Maybe, just maybe, things weren’t as hopeless as they seemed.

My First Kiss

The karaoke room was a chaotic mess of laughter, music, and drunken antics. Yuna was the undeniable star of the madness, stumbling around, mumbling half-formed words, and breaking into random bursts of dancing. Her cheeks were flushed a deep red, and her energy was limitless.

"Let's gooooo!" Yuna yelled, twirling in circles as if she were on a stage.

Ryujin chuckled from her seat, phone in hand, recording every embarrassing moment with an amused grin. "She's going to regret this tomorrow," she said, glancing at you.

You smiled awkwardly, taking another sip of water to keep yourself grounded amidst the chaos. "Yeah. she's really going all out."

"She's cute, isn't she?" Ryujin's tone was teasing, her eyes narrowing playfully as she leaned back in her seat.

"Yeah, I guess," you replied, feeling your cheeks warm slightly.

Ryujin tilted her head, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Say, Y/n. Do you have a crush on someone?"

The question caught you completely off guard. "Uh. I. I don't really know."

Ryujin raised an eyebrow, leaning forward slightly. "What do you mean you don't know? It's just a simple question, Y/n. Who's the lucky girl?"

It wasn't simple at all. The tangled mess of emotions swirling inside you made it hard to answer. Karina's coldness still weighed heavily on your heart, but Yuna's warmth and energy offered a strange comfort. Then there was Ryujin, sitting there with her piercing gaze, pulling you further into this unpredictable storm.

"I. " You trailed off, searching for the right words.

Before you could finish, Ryujin suddenly shifted her position, sliding onto your lap without a shred of hesitation. Her arms snaked around your neck as she stared at you with a smirk that was equal parts bold and daring.

"Ryujin, what are you doing?" Your voice wavered, completely thrown by her actions.

"Just shut up," she whispered, her voice low and tempting. "You'll like it."

Her lips pressed against yours without warning. The kiss was electric, filled with an undeniable hunger that left you breathless. You froze for a moment, overwhelmed by the intensity, but your body betrayed you. Slowly, almost instinctively, your hands reached up, one finding its way to her hair. Your fingers tangled in the soft strands as you deepened the kiss, caught in the moment.

Ryujin smiled against your lips, clearly enjoying your reaction as she pulled you closer. Her confidence was intoxicating, her touch demanding yet oddly comforting.

Meanwhile, Yuna was still singing her heart out, completely oblivious to what was happening just a few feet away. The room pulsed with music and flashing lights, creating a surreal atmosphere that made the moment feel like something out of a dream-or a dangerous fantasy.

When Ryujin finally pulled back, her lips still dangerously close to yours, she smirked. "See? Told you you'd like it."

You didn't know what to say. Your heart was racing, and your mind was a chaotic mess. This was nothing like you'd ever experienced before, and you weren't sure what it meant or where it would lead.

The kiss with Ryujin still lingered, your lips tingling and your mind spinning in disbelief. As your heartbeat thundered in your ears, Ryujin pulled back slightly, her cheeks warming, though her smirk remained intact. Her confidence was unshaken, but you could see a faint blush creeping up her face, betraying her usual cool demeanor.

Before you could even process what had just happened, a stumbling, drunken Yuna broke through the moment, her flushed face leaning close to yours. “Heeeyyy, why did you kiss him, Ryujin?” Yuna slurred, her words slightly drawn out as she pointed an accusatory finger at her friend. “He’s mine…”

Ryujin burst into laughter, clearly amused by Yuna’s antics. “Oh, is he now?” she teased, crossing her arms as she watched the scene unfold with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

Yuna ignored her completely, stumbling closer to you. She placed her hands on your shoulders for balance, her expression shifting to something softer. Her gaze, though slightly unfocused from the alcohol, held a strange warmth that made your chest tighten.

Without warning, Yuna leaned in, her lips brushing against yours in a kiss that was a stark contrast to Ryujin’s. Where Ryujin’s kiss had been fiery and demanding, Yuna’s was soft, tender, and filled with an unexpected passion. Her lips moved slowly, almost lovingly, as if she wanted to savor the moment.

Your eyes widened in shock, but the gentleness of the kiss made it hard to pull away. Yuna’s hands clung to your shoulders as if grounding herself, her warmth seeping into you and leaving you breathless.

In the background, Ryujin’s laughter erupted again. “Wow, Yuna, I didn’t know you had it in you!” she exclaimed, grabbing her phone and aiming it at the two of you. “This is gold! I’m definitely saving this for later.”

The sound of her voice snapped you out of your daze. You pulled back slightly, your cheeks burning as you glanced between the two girls. The room felt surreal, the flashing lights of the karaoke machine adding to the disorienting chaos.

Yuna pouted as you broke the kiss, her lips still inches from yours. “What’s wrong? Didn’t you like it?” she asked, her voice laced with a mix of drunken innocence and playful teasing.

You opened your mouth to respond, but no words came out. Your thoughts were a jumbled mess, and the weight of the situation was starting to sink in. Lia, Yeji, and Chaeryeong were still dead asleep on the couches, completely unaware of the chaos unfolding.

Meanwhile, Ryujin was cackling in the corner, clearly enjoying every second of your flustered reaction. She leaned back in her chair, phone in hand, as she continued to record. “This is way better than karaoke,” she said with a grin. “You two are priceless.”

Yuna glared at her. “Stop recording, Ryujin! This is a private moment!” she huffed, though her cheeks were as red as yours.

“Private?” Ryujin teased, raising an eyebrow. “You’re making out with him in the middle of the room. What part of this is private?”

You sighed, running a hand through your hair as you tried to regain some semblance of composure. This was definitely not how you had envisioned the night going.

“Can we… maybe calm down a little?” you said, your voice shaky but firm. “This is getting way out of hand.”

Yuna pouted again but reluctantly stepped back, her balance wavering slightly. Ryujin, on the other hand, seemed completely unfazed.

“Fine, fine,” Ryujin said, finally putting her phone down. “But seriously, Y/n, you’re not going to forget tonight anytime soon.”

You couldn’t argue with that. As you looked at Yuna, who was still swaying slightly, and Ryujin, who was grinning like the Cheshire Cat, you realized that this was only the beginning of the chaos they would bring into your life.

Stuck With Them

As the karaoke session wrapped up, it became clear that someone needed to ensure the drunken girls made it home safely. Ryujin, who was the only one relatively sober, took charge of organizing the chaos. You found yourself carrying Yuna, who was barely able to stand on her own, her weight pressing heavily against your side as she clung to your arm.

“Thanks for helping,” Ryujin said with a smirk as she adjusted Lia, who was slumped against her shoulder. “I’d do it all myself, but, well… you’re here, and I’m not one to waste an opportunity.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle nervously, though the weight of the situation was far from light. “Yeah, no problem,” you muttered, trying to steady Yuna as she mumbled incoherent words against your shoulder.

By the time you arrived at their apartment, you were exhausted. The girls’ luxurious place was a stark contrast to the wild chaos you’d just endured—a pristine and stylish space that screamed wealth and comfort.

Ryujin guided you inside, setting the sleeping Lia and Chaeryeong onto the couch. Yeji, who had managed to remain semi-conscious, staggered into her room on her own. That left Yuna, who still refused to let go of your arm.

“You’re a lifesaver,” Ryujin said, giving you a grateful smile as she handed you a glass of water. “Seriously, thanks for putting up with all this.”

“No problem,” you replied, setting the now half-asleep Yuna down on one of the armchairs.

Ryujin watched you for a moment before slipping a small piece of paper into your hand. “Here,” she said with a sly grin. “My number. Call me sometime, okay?”

You blinked, staring at the paper in surprise. “Uh… sure,” you said hesitantly, unsure of what to make of her casual flirtation.

Before you could think too much about it, Yuna stirred and grabbed your arm again, pulling you closer. “Don’t go…” she mumbled, her voice soft and pleading. Her grip was surprisingly strong for someone so drunk.

Ryujin sighed, crossing her arms as she leaned against the wall. “Looks like you’re stuck here for the night,” she said, shaking her head with an amused expression. “Once Yuna clings to someone, there’s no escape.”

You hesitated, glancing down at Yuna, who was now nuzzling against your arm like a sleepy kitten. Her flushed cheeks and soft breaths made her look almost innocent, despite the wild energy she’d displayed earlier.

“Are you sure it’s okay?” you asked Ryujin, feeling a mix of awkwardness and concern.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Ryujin replied with a shrug. “We’ve got a guest room you can crash in. Besides, if you leave now, she’s just gonna freak out in the morning when she realizes you’re gone. Trust me, it’s easier this way.”

Reluctantly, you nodded. “Alright,” you said, trying to ignore the warmth spreading through your chest as Yuna’s grip on your arm tightened.

Ryujin smirked and patted your shoulder. “Good luck,” she said before disappearing into one of the bedrooms, leaving you alone with Yuna.

You gently pried Yuna’s hands off your arm and managed to carry her to the guest room. As you laid her down on the bed, she opened her eyes slightly, gazing up at you with a sleepy smile.

“Stay…” she whispered, her voice barely audible.

You froze, unsure of how to respond. Her words were simple, but they carried a weight that made your heart ache. After a moment, you pulled the blanket over her and stepped back.

“I’ll be right outside,” you said softly, hoping she’d fall asleep quickly.

As you closed the door behind you, you let out a long sigh, running a hand through your hair. This was definitely not how you’d expected the night to go, and yet, a small part of you couldn’t help but feel… drawn to the chaotic warmth that Yuna and her friends brought into your life.

You were lying on the guest room bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to process everything that had happened over the past few days. The warmth of the blanket was comforting, but your mind refused to quiet down. The tension with Karina, the unexpected moments with Yuna and Ryujin—it all felt surreal, like you were caught in the middle of someone else’s drama.

Just as you began to drift off, the soft creak of the door snapped you back to reality. Turning your head, you saw Yuna standing there in her bed pajamas. Her hair was slightly messy, and her cheeks still carried a faint pink hue from earlier.

“Yuna? What’s wrong?” you asked, sitting up.

She hesitated for a moment, clutching the edge of the doorframe like a shy child. Then, in a soft, almost timid voice, she said, “I… I can’t sleep.”

You blinked, unsure of what to say. “Oh… do you need some water or something? Maybe a pillow from here?”

Yuna shook her head, stepping further into the room. “No, it’s not that,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “Can we… can we cuddle?”

Your heart skipped a beat, and you felt your face heat up. “Cuddle?” you repeated, hoping you’d misheard her.

She nodded, looking at you with those big, doe-like eyes that made it impossible to refuse. “I just… feel lonely, and it’s hard to sleep,” she admitted, her voice tinged with vulnerability.

You hesitated, unsure of how to respond. On one hand, this felt dangerously intimate—especially given the events of the night. But on the other hand, Yuna looked genuinely distressed, and you didn’t have the heart to turn her away.

After a moment, you sighed and nodded. “Alright,” you said, scooting over to make room on the bed.

Yuna’s face lit up with a small, grateful smile as she climbed onto the bed and slipped under the blanket. She snuggled close to you, her head resting on your chest and her arm draping over your torso. Her warmth was comforting, and her presence, though unexpected, had a strangely calming effect.

“Thank you,” she murmured, her voice muffled against your shirt.

You swallowed hard, trying to ignore the way your heart was racing. “No problem,” you said, your voice barely steady.

For a while, the two of you lay there in silence. Yuna’s breathing eventually slowed, and you realized she had fallen asleep. You stared at the ceiling, feeling a mix of confusion and contentment.

As the night stretched on, you couldn’t help but wonder how things had come to this point. Everything in your life seemed to be spiraling out of control, yet in this moment, with Yuna curled up against you, it felt oddly peaceful.

But deep down, you knew this peace wouldn’t last.

Breakfast Sounds Good?

The soft sunlight filtered through the large apartment windows, casting a gentle glow across the living room. You blinked groggily as you stirred awake, only to realize that you weren’t alone.

Yuna was still curled up against your side, her arm loosely draped over your chest. But that wasn’t the only surprise. On the other side of the bed, Ryujin was lying comfortably, her head resting on your shoulder, and at the foot of the bed, Yeji was sprawled out with a peaceful expression, clutching a pillow tightly.

You froze, taking in the scene. The three of them looked so at ease, their breathing soft and rhythmic. Not wanting to disturb their peaceful slumber, you carefully slipped out from under the blanket, tucking it gently around them.

The apartment was quiet as you padded into the kitchen, glancing around for something to do. Spotting the refrigerator, you decided to check for ingredients and whip up something simple. If there was one thing that could start the day off right, it was a warm meal—especially considering how much soju everyone had downed last night.

As you rummaged through the fridge, the sound of a door creaking open caught your attention. Lia stepped out of her room, yawning and stretching her arms above her head. She looked at you with sleepy eyes before a small smile spread across her face.

“How was last night?” she asked, her tone teasing. “I didn’t really get to check what was up.”

You chuckled softly, shaking your head. “It was… rough,” you replied, your voice laced with sarcasm.

Lia giggled as she leaned against the kitchen counter. “I figured as much. Those three can be a handful when they’re drunk.”

“No kidding,” you said, gesturing toward the fridge. “I’m thinking of making some kimchi stew. Something hearty to help everyone sober up.”

“That sounds lovely,” Lia said, her smile widening. “Let me help you. It’ll be quicker that way.”

“Alright,” you said, nodding. “Thanks, Lia.”

The two of you began gathering ingredients—kimchi, tofu, green onions, and some leftover pork. Lia worked efficiently, chopping vegetables with practiced ease, while you prepped the broth.

“So,” Lia began, her voice light but curious, “you’ve been spending quite a bit of time with us lately. Is it always this eventful?”

You smirked as you stirred the pot. “Eventful is definitely one way to put it,” you said. “But honestly, it’s been… nice. Chaotic, but nice.”

Lia laughed softly. “That’s a good way to describe us. Chaotic but nice. I’m glad you don’t find it too overwhelming.”

“Overwhelming might be an understatement,” you admitted, grinning. “But I think I’m getting used to it.”

As the stew simmered, the smell began to fill the apartment, luring one of the sleepyheads from the bedroom. Yeji stumbled into the kitchen, rubbing her eyes and sniffing the air.

“That smells amazing,” she said, her voice hoarse from sleep. “Are you seriously cooking for us again, Y/n? You’re spoiling us.”

“You’ve got to keep your energy up after last night,” you said with a grin. “Besides, I like cooking.”

Yeji smiled warmly, grabbing a glass of water. “Well, we’re lucky to have you around.”

The three of you worked together to set the table, and as the aroma of the kimchi stew wafted through the apartment, the others began to wake up one by one. Ryujin stumbled out first, her hair a mess, followed by Yuna, who looked surprisingly energetic despite the events of the night before.

When everyone was seated at the table, you ladled out bowls of the steaming stew. The girls dug in eagerly, their groans of delight filling the room.

“This is amazing,” Yuna said, her eyes lighting up as she took another bite.

“You’re a lifesaver, Y/n,” Ryujin added, giving you a playful wink.

You couldn’t help but smile as you watched them enjoy the meal. Despite the chaos, moments like this made it all worth it.

The lively clinking of utensils and the warm chatter at the table paused abruptly when you asked, “Where’s Chaeryeong?”

The sudden silence was deafening. All the girls exchanged quick glances before Ryujin let out a sharp curse. “Fuck,” she muttered, slapping her forehead.

“She’s still in her room, isn’t she?” you asked, already pushing back your chair.

Ryujin sighed. “Probably. That girl could sleep through a hurricane.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll wake her up,” you said, standing up.

The room softened with warmth as the girls offered you grateful smiles. Yuna, in particular, beamed at you with a tenderness that made your heart flutter. “You’re too good to us,” she said, her voice dripping with appreciation.

You waved her off with a small laugh and headed toward Chaeryeong’s door. It was slightly ajar, and you knocked gently before pushing it open.

The room was dim, with soft sunlight filtering through the curtains. Chaeryeong was curled up on her bed, her hair cascading over her pillow in soft waves. She looked peaceful, her face serene in her slumber.

You approached her quietly, not wanting to startle her. “Chaeryeong,” you said softly, crouching down beside her bed. “Breakfast is ready.”

She stirred slightly, letting out a faint groan. Her eyes fluttered open slowly, and she blinked a few times before her lips curved into a sleepy smile.

“Y/n?” she murmured, her voice groggy but sweet.

“Yeah, it’s me,” you said, smiling back. “Come on, Chae. Breakfast is ready, and the others are waiting for you.”

She buried her face into her pillow for a moment before peeking back at you. “You made breakfast again, didn’t you?”

“Guilty as charged,” you replied. “It’s kimchi stew this time. You don’t want to miss it, do you?”

She let out a soft chuckle, her voice still heavy with sleep. “You’re too good to us,” she said, echoing Yuna’s earlier words.

“Come on,” you said, reaching out to gently pat her shoulder. “If you don’t get up now, there won’t be any left.”

With a groan, Chaeryeong finally sat up, stretching her arms above her head. “Alright, alright. I’m up,” she said, giving you a small, appreciative smile.

You stood up and extended a hand to her, which she took with a bit of hesitation. As you helped her out of bed, she looked at you with a warmth that was hard to ignore.

“Thanks, Y/n,” she said softly, her eyes holding yours for a moment longer than necessary.

“Anytime,” you replied, trying to ignore the way your heart skipped a beat.

Together, you walked back to the dining area, where the others greeted her with teasing comments about oversleeping. Chaeryeong rolled her eyes but smiled as she took her seat.

As you watched the girls enjoy their meal, you couldn’t help but feel a strange sense of contentment. Moments like these made all the chaos seem worth it.

Somewhere Else

Karina sat cross-legged on the plush couch in their apartment, staring blankly at her phone. The sound of Winter flipping through a magazine was the only thing breaking the silence. Giselle leaned against the counter, sipping her coffee, while Ningning sat on the floor, fiddling with a bracelet absentmindedly.

The once lively energy that used to fill their home felt hollow. The absence of him—you—was palpable, and no one could deny it.

Winter sighed and broke the silence. “It feels...off, doesn’t it? Like something’s missing.”

“Someone’s missing,” Giselle corrected, setting her mug down with a thud. “Let’s be honest, it’s not the same without him.”

Karina’s heart clenched at the words. She hated admitting it, but Giselle was right. Ever since they agreed to keep their distance from you, everything felt muted, incomplete.

“It’s for the best,” Ningning said, her voice low but firm. She looked up from her bracelet and met their gazes one by one. “We talked about this. It’s not safe to drag him into all this mess. Look at what happened on social media. We’re trying to protect him.”

Karina felt a pang of guilt. Protecting you had been the justification for their decision, but now, she wondered if they’d made the right call. She glanced at the framed photo sitting on the coffee table—a candid shot of the five of you laughing together after one of your impromptu cooking sessions. The memory felt like a lifetime ago.

“He was always so patient with us,” Karina murmured, tracing the edge of the frame with her fingers. “No matter how chaotic things got, he just...made it better.”

Winter nodded, setting down her magazine. “I miss the way he used to make us laugh. And the food, of course.” She tried to joke, but her smile didn’t reach her eyes.

Ningning crossed her arms, leaning back against the couch. “You think I don’t miss him too? But what’s the alternative? We drag him through this circus and make things worse for him? He deserves better than that.”

Karina clenched her fists. Ningning’s words made sense, but they didn’t ease the ache in her chest. She missed your awkward smiles, your quiet but comforting presence, the way you seemed to genuinely care about each of them.

“I don’t even think he’s mad,” Giselle said, her tone softer now. “That’s the worst part. He probably understands why we’re doing this, and he’s just...dealing with it.”

The room fell silent again, each of them lost in their thoughts.

Winter broke the stillness, her voice barely above a whisper. “Do you think we’ll ever fix this? Like, really fix it?”

Karina didn’t answer. She couldn’t. All she could do was stare at the photo, hoping that someday, somehow, they’d find a way to bring you back into their lives. Because without you, the warmth and light that once filled their world seemed like a distant memory.

Her Bigger Picture

Wonyoung stared at her phone screen, her thumb hovering over the message box. Her heart beat faster as she sent the text, the words feeling heavier than they ever had before.

Does the plan work?

She waited, her gaze fixed on the screen, her fingers tapping nervously against the table. It wasn’t like her to be this anxious, but something about the situation—about what she was about to do—made her feel like she was standing on the edge of a cliff, unsure of whether she should jump.

Her phone buzzed, and her breath caught in her throat as she quickly read the response:

"Works like a charm."

Wonyoung felt a mix of relief and unease wash over her. She had known DragonAnonym would handle it. They had been a reliable ally, someone who understood what it meant to have the things you wanted, no matter the cost. But still, the reality of what was happening, of what she was allowing herself to be part of, sent a ripple of doubt through her.

Is this really what I want? she wondered. But then she thought of you—of the way you had treated her, of the way you had looked at her. The way you had made her feel when you had cooked for her and smiled at her, so kind, so gentle. Wonyoung had wanted that warmth, that attention. She wanted to feel special.

She gripped her phone tighter and sent another text:

Send me proof.

A few moments later, another message appeared. Wonyoung’s eyes widened as she saw the photo. It was you—sleeping, calm and unaware. You looked peaceful, innocent even. It was almost surreal. She knew the plan had worked. DragonAnonym had delivered.

Proof enough, DragonAnonym replied with a playful wink emoji.

Wonyoung couldn’t stop herself from smiling, a dangerous, almost predatory grin. This was her chance, her moment to make you hers, no matter what. She had already seen how easily you could be manipulated. You weren’t like Karina or the others. You were different.

She typed back quickly:

Thanks, DragonAnonym. You’ve done well. Now let’s make sure the rest goes according to plan.

After sending the message, Wonyoung leaned back in her chair, her mind racing. She had wanted to take it slow at first, but now, the thrill of it all excited her more than she cared to admit. If she played her cards right, you would be hers—completely and utterly hers.

But there was one thing that lingered in her mind. The guilt. It gnawed at her, especially when she thought about you. Would you hate her once you found out? Would you despise her for what she had done?

But those thoughts quickly faded. In the end, you would understand. She was only doing this for the two of you, for the future that could be hers with you. After all, she didn’t want to be alone anymore. And if that meant playing a game, bending the truth, then so be it.

With a deep breath, Wonyoung began to make her next move, her fingers quickly texting DragonAnonym again.

Let’s meet. We’ll need to set up the next step.

As the message sent, Wonyoung’s heart beat a little faster. She couldn’t help but feel a rush of excitement. She was finally taking control.

[prefer-to-be-vilified]

Hi! What are your favorite Wenclair fics?👀

I’m so glad you asked and I’m about to be so extra.

This fandom is beyond talented and I have many favourites. So I might as well make this an official Prefer-to-be-vilified Wenclair Fic Rec Masterlist… post (name could use some work but you get the idea).

I’m going to try to remember/link all my favourites but I’ll probably (definitely) forget some. And also I obviously haven’t read every Wenclair fic out there, my ‘to-read’ list is intimidatingly long and personal preferences are going to play a part in the fics I have included. But if I’ve missed some hidden gems please let me know!

Under the cut because this got long…

One-Shots/Short Chapter Fics:

the Witch & the Wyld by ohHOLYmoves - Long one-shot, Wednesday’s a witch who lives in the woods, Enid’s a werewolf stuck in her wolf form, need I say more?

Reset by Eggplant_Crusader - The OG. Probably the first fic read by a good portion of this fandom. Short, sweet, what the miscommunication trope is supposed to be.

her heart is a bird on a spit in her chest by lensbian_dykely - Long one-shot, Wednesday tells her parents that her and Enid are together without informing Enid.

What does he have that I don’t? by kofeew_milkk - Jealous Enid meets Werewolf instincts.

hello there, it’s me, the bull in the china shop by bogteats - Established Wenclair, 5+1 fic leading up to their first time.

I Think I Love You by tawen - Enid gets dosed with truth serum, Enid’s in love with Wednesday…

I Can Hear Your Heartbeat by LesbihonestGuys - Wednesday is a simp coming to terms with being in love and she’s real mad about it.

sandbox love by hanjisgirlfriend - Childhood friends falling in love.

gifts from a cat by Rennajade - Wednesday being a weirdo.

She’s my mate, Yoko! by lovely_shadow_minx - Enid realises Wednesday’s her mate and freaks out about it.

i tend to handle things usually by myself and i can’t ever seem to try and ask for help by Charlie_Balle - Wednesday’s actually allergic to colour.

The Art of Courting by Athems - Wednesday tries to court Enid but Enid thinks she’s threatening her.

Please (Just This Once) by whitebeltwriter - Wednesday trying to prevent a vision and the very emotional aftermath.

Wednesday Finds a Puppy by whitebeltwriter - Wednesday finds a random puppy in the woods and thinks it’s Enid… it’s not Enid.

Are You Going To Claim Your Prize? by wintersdume - The furs make a bet over who can get Wednesday’s number, Enid gets jealous.

It’s the Uniform, Isn’t it? by wintersdume - Enid plays baseballs, Wednesday gay panics.

Mobile Etiquette by Axinite25 - Wednesday not understanding the nuisances of teenage dating/friendship.

fuel the pyre of your enemies by heliamphoria - Wenclair meet cute while committing crimes.

Scrapped Scenes by MomochiZoey - Enid’s nosy and discovers that Wednesday’s self insert Viper now has a blonde love interest.

Premonition’s Embrace by whitebeltwriter - Wednesday has a vision that forces her to admit her feelings for Enid.

if she grabs for your hand (she might want a kiss) by ipretendtobesane - Short love confession, adorable.

Stormy Weather by SspiltDecision - Wednesday’s scared of thunder, Enid helps her.

don’t talk to me or my scary goth gf ever again by Kybee1497 - Protective (slightly feral) Enid and Xavier not taking a hint.

Complete Long Fics:

Terms of Endearment by Calchexxis - AU future fic/they didn’t meet at Nevermore, Enid goes to the Addams family for help after being kicked out of her pack for not being able to wolf-out but Wednesday’s the only one home, Wednesday has visions every time they touch about different versions of them/their ancestors throughout history, SIMPING, the worlds gayest mystery, I’ve read it several times and it always hits.

Forged in Blood by RiseAboveTheAshes_203 - Post season 1, I don’t know how to describe it other than angsty devotion, if for some insane reason you haven’t read this fic do it now.

The San Francisco Incident by Apeoflight - AU future fic/they don’t meet at Nevermore, Omegaverse, Werewolf mates, falling in love, real smutty, what’s not to love?

the nature of idiosyncrasies by bogteats - One of the fics I managed to catch early on and I was OBSESSED, AU, future fic, they weren’t friends at Nevermore but Enid had a crush, Omegaverse, their dynamic in this is to die for, angsty, smutty, a real and honest portrayal of not only Wenclair but people and love in general, read it, that was a threat, if you already have read it again.

raven in the den, wolf in the nest by Barbara_Lazuli - Canon divergence, fake dating to annoy Esther Sinclair, full honesty I read this awhile ago so I’m not 100% certain what happens but I remember enjoying it, might need to do a re-read.

black marked sun by chasinghours - AU college/university, Wednesday’s Yoko and Bianca’s roommate and Enid becomes infatuated, very cute, a little angsty but nothing crazy, shy Wednesday??? if I remember correctly, gay pining, we love to see it.

Purgatory Would Be Beautiful With You by EmilyWritesStuff - In universe, WEREWOLF MATES (aka the best Wenclair trope), fun and easy read, each chapter is like a slice of their life as mates.

Dance With Wolves by wolfwars - Fake dating BUT Wednesday doesn’t realise that it’s fake (because Enid was vague af), Enid’s pining, Wednesday’s confused, great idea and really well executed.

You Are my Moon by Bee-nut - Fake dating except Wednesday commits to the bit so hard she ends up facing off against Enid’s family aka a pack of werewolves in various dangerous challenges in order to win Enid’s hand, great idea, loved every minute of it.

Old Wounds by Sharpen_your_hatchet - Wenclair reunite years after graduation, less falling in love more realising they were always in love and coming to terms with that, sweet and easy read.

So This Is Love by LoriLoud - Unhinged Murderous Wenclair… no further explanation needed.

La Petite Mort by Apeoflight AND Wednesday’s Pet by Apeoflight - Smut, they’re both smut fics, I cannot remember which was which plot wise, but same author, they’re both really good and with a good helping of falling in love, yearning, denial of feelings, miscommunication, angst… all the good stuff.

Vortex by ALotOfConfusion - Need a refresher but childhood friends to lovers, little Wednesday wants to study werewolves and I remember enjoying it.

Puppy Love by Vaniloqu3nce - Enid’s wolf starts talking to her after recognising Wednesday as their mate, havoc follows, great read.

yours, eurydice by hanjisgirlfriend - AU, future fic, they never met at Nevermore, Wednesday’s a writer, Enid’s an actress, they live across the hall from each other, they write each other love letters and fall in love, cute af, a little angsty but not too heavy, definitely a must read.

It’s hard to espresso my feelings for you by SquishiestRose - Coffee shop AU, Wednesday works at the Weathervane and she has it BAD, the platonic Wyler this world needs, a little angsty but nothing crazy, cute, fun read.

Spell It Out by forgot_my_art - A spell gone wrong leads to both a misunderstanding and an accidental proposal… I mean it’s Wenclair, of course it did, fun read.

A raven’s dream of wolf by tokyocorgi - AU future fic/they never met at Nevermore, Wednesday’s sex dreams are also prophecy’s of her future, we love to see it.

All That’s Best of Dark and Bright by Porcie - Wednesday runs from her feelings post season 1, they reunite years later, Wednesday has a vision that forces her to stay in Enid’s life and by extension forces her to confront her feelings, they’re in love the entire time while pretending they aren’t, almost soulmate-ish, a bit angsty, but a fun read.

On-Going Long Fics:

[friendly reminder to read in-progress fic as a way to encourage and support our talented writers]

I’d Eat the Sun Just to Feel Your Warmth in my Bones by MsMio - AU college/university, I still need to catch up but ANGST, childhood friends, a very interesting take on the Addams family curse, Wednesday suffers from chronic pain, a good sad read but a hopeful one.

our immeasurable ties that bind by bogteats - Fantasy type AU, some very interesting world building, Enid wakes up pregnant with no idea who she is, where she is, or how she got there, super excited to see where this goes.

Blood and Shadows by DarkVisitors - Historical AU, western vibes, angst, horny gay yearning, a vague line in the summary that alludes to them being forced to marry at gun point but it hasn’t happened yet, I am beyond invested.

A Kidnapping By Any Other Name by RavenMoon33 - Wednesday “kidnaps” Enid to spend the break with her at the Addams Estate, I’m still catching up but Wenclair antics meets Addams Family antics, Wednesday’s having visions, there’s a mystery afoot and it’s linked to Wednesday’s ancestors. I might try to squeeze in another chapter later today actually 👀 (I didn’t read the OG so no spoilers!)

Whatever This Is… by CautiouslyPessimistic - A NEW FAKE DATING AU! In universe, takes place at Nevermore, only 2 chapters so far, but well written and I’m excited to see more.

Well… That’s Knew by Chaos_of_the_valkyries - Post season 1, Enid presents as a werewolf alpha and your honour they’re mates, protective Enid, Wednesday going soft, apparently I’ve missed the last two updates??? A crime, I will be rectifying that asap.

The Bite that Binds, the Gift that Gives by TieDyeKing - Historical Fantasy-ish AU, Wenclair arranged marriage, immediate connection but they’re being cautious/don’t trust each other, beautiful imagery/world building, an intriguing plot, Esther Sinclair being Esther Sinclair (aka causing problems), only a few chapters but one of my favourites since forever ago, in love with this fic and you should be too.

Symbiotic Relationship by SquishiestRose - AU future fic/they don’t meet at Nevermore, Enid gets kicked out of her pack and ends up desperate enough that she accepts a job working as the live in servant of a woman she’s pretty sure is going to kill her (hint: it’s just Wednesday being her normal off putting self), I’m a sucker for future fics with a very isolated and lonely Wednesday learning to fall in love and this is that.

[one-idea]

Part three of shanks raising ASL

First - Previous - Next

This time with some Mishanks.

Going back in time a little, while Shanks was away looking for the Gomu Gomu no Mi. Mihawk made his way to the East Blue to visit his old rival turned…something more.

It’s been a while since Mihawk had seen Shanks. He knows that Shanks went to the East Blue to look for something and wouldn’t return to the grandline until he found it. But going from seeing Shanks once a week (at least) to not seeing him at all for a few months has been…trying. In short he misses him. Though he’d never admit it to the younger man. So he sets off. He’s been bored and needs a good duel. (And to kiss his boyfriend but that’s neither here nor there)

He meets up with Shanks as he’s looking for the Gomu Gomu no Mi. Just after Shanks vowed to come back for Luffy. Mihawk is shocked to see his lover without his treasured hat. He knows how much that hat means to his lover and he is more than willing to go slaughter whoever took it from him.

Shanks has to quickly explain to him that, no the hat hasn’t been destroyed, he just gave it to someone. And Mihawk is shook because Shanks would rather die then separate from his captain’s beloved hat. Who could possible be important enough that Shanks would part with his hat?

So Shanks tells him about the precious little boy on Dawn island. The little boy he’s adopting. And it didn’t occur to him until this very moment that Mihawk might not want to be involved in this. He loves Mihawk and doesn’t want to lose what they have. But he won’t break his promise to Luffy. So if this is a deal breaker he’ll understand. Mihawk didn’t sign up to have a kid with him. Shanks made a decision that will effect both of their lives without consulting Mihawk at all, and while he feels bad about it he doesn’t regret his promise to Luffy. “That kids going to change the world. I just know it”

Mihawk is shocked. He never thought about kids. He knew Shanks never wanted a kid running around the Red Force. His own childhood on the Oro Jackson might have been filled with love but was also so dangerous and chaotic and he knew Shanks didn’t want to give his own children such an upbringing. This Luffy had to be something amazing to make Shanks change his mind in that stance.

“I’ll have to meet this Luffy. See for myself if he’s as special as you say.”

Mihawk isn’t agreeing to raise Luffy (not yet) but he’s not saying no. Honestly Shanks couldn’t have hoped for a better outcome. Mihawk isn’t walking away. In fact it’s as close to a yes and he knows Mihawk is willing to give him. And now he gets to introduce his two favorite people. And Mihawk’s going to stay with them until they go see Luffy! This is great.

It takes a few months before they find the Gomu Gomu no Mi. It was great for their relationship, giving them the time to reaffirm their commitments to each other and strengthen their bond. While also giving Mihawk the chance to process that he might have a son soon. There’s no debating that Luffy is Shanks’ son. Not with the way the man talks about his baby, nor the fond way the crew talks about him. But Mihawk has time to learn about Luffy from the crew and search his own heart on what sort of role he’d be comfortable having in this child’s life. He doesn’t want to lose Shanks but a kid is a lot. It changes everything and he deserves time to process that.

He’s excited to meet the kid (though he’s not showing it on the outside) as they approach Dawn Island. But Shanks can’t sense the kid and puts himself into a panic. A panic that only worsens when they arrive at Party Bar and Makino has no idea where Luffy is. That Garp the Fist, hero of the marines, took the boy and is apparently his grandfather? (Shanks sure knows how to get them into trouble)

They start searching the island for the little boy and Mihawk hopes that they find him. He doesn’t want to think about how Shanks will react if they can’t.

Everyone regroups at Party Bar empty handed. Everyone but Shanks, who has yet to arrive. Mihawk can feel Shanks approaching the bar, but he’s not alone and Mihawk can only hope that one of the three strange presence with Shanks is Luffy.

Little did he know that Shanks would be walking up to this bar with not one, not two, but three little boys. He can safely assume that the littlest boy, who is being carried in Shanks’ arms and talking a mile a minute is Luffy. It helps that he is proudly wearing Shanks’ old straw hat. But the other two boys who are trailing close behind are a mystery. The blond one has his eyes on Shanks and Luffy, watching them with the same intensity Mihawk watches marines, a prey object that is one mistake away from losing its life. The third little boy is trailing behind, his head on a constant swivel. One moment he’s watching Shanks, the next the trail behind them, in front, to the sides, and back to Shanks. A protector is Mihawk had ever seen one, however scrawny the boy maybe.

Mihawk and Benn approach them quickly. With a quick glance at each other Mihawk can tell that Benn does not recognize the other two boys either. But that doesn’t matter once they reach them.

All three boys have been roughed up. Shanks calling for Hongo as soon as he is in range. Mihawk is quick to look the boys over. The blond seems the least injured, but the little protector and Luffy have obviously suffered a beating. A bad one. And one look at Shanks tells him his lover is about to lose it.

Hongo arrives quickly and goes to grab Luffy. Shanks instinctually pulls the little boy closer making the little protector and the blond behind him tense up.

“Let Hongo do his job.” Mihawk is quick to step in. Luffy and the other boys need care and Shanks needs to calm down. All three boys are reading and responding to Shanks emotions. If he doesn’t trust his doctor in this moment the boys won’t either.

Shanks locks in to Mihawk and calms. He knows he’s being ridiculous but in his defense he just found out Luffy has been kidnapped and beaten TWICE since he was away. It’s hard to let go, but he trusts Hongo. He lets the doctor take Luffy from him and introduces the other two boys, Ace and Sabo, telling them to go with Hongo and get checked out.

Once the boys are gone Mihawk and Benn are ready for answers. Although they are asking different questions.

“Who did this?�� Benn asks wanting to know who hurt their boy.

“And are they dead?” Mihawk has spent less then five minutes in the boys presence but he can see the way the boy effects his lover. How much Shanks loves Luffy. Anything or anyone who thought they could hurt Mihawk’s loved would die for their insolence. (And isn’t it terrifying to think that that small circle is about to grow by not one but three people. Mihawk knows Shanks. Knows that the other two little boys are likely to get swept up by him as well. And what does it say about Mihawk that he’s already making room in his heart form them? What has Shanks done to him?)

Shanks explains the situation to them. That a pirate crew had attacked Luffy twice for stealing treasure from them. He doesn’t know the whole situation (At this point he doesn’t know that Sabo’s father was involved) just knows that some noble was involved and was trying to take Sabo while beating Ace and Luffy.

The crew is furious. Yasopp and Lucky Roux had come over to join them at some point and they are furious.

The two pirates are staring to shout plans for revenge and Benn is on board but wanting to hear what Shanks has planned. But Mihawk cuts them all off. “You didn’t answer my question.” He levels Shanks with a hard look, “Are they dead?”

“No.” Shanks sounds angry, he is. “I knocked them out with conquers haki.” Mihawk makes a noise that sounds unimpressed but Shanks knows he’s questioning why that was all he had done. It’s been a point of contention between them before with Shanks avoiding bloodshed when he can and Mihawk cut first and if its strong enough to survive, then ask questions later mentality. “I wasn’t about to traumatize those kids by slaughtering those men in front of them.” Shanks defends his decision but Mihawk has already turned his attention to the path Shanks had come down.

“They’re up this path?” Is all he asks. He agrees with Shanks’ decision to not traumatize the kids more. But he’s not going to say that out loud. Shanks knows. Knows from the way Mihawk is moving on with the conversation that he agrees with Shanks’ decision. 

“Ya head up the hill and take a left when the path splits can’t miss them.” Shanks responds easily enough.

“Then let’s go handle this.” Yasopp is ready to go when Mihawk starts walking.

“That won’t be necessary.” He’s already making his way up the path.

“Hey it’s our kid they hurt.” Yasopp argues. He knows Mihawk cares for the captain, and the crew to an extent but he’s never been good at reading Mihawk. No one really is except for Shanks and Benn. But Mihawk doesn’t have the same relationship they do to Luffy. This isn’t his fight.

Mihawk doesn’t even break his stride. “Which is why he will be far more comfortable with all of you around. I’ll go deal with the rift raft. You stay here and take care of the kids.” He’s right. Luffy will be far more comfortable and more importantly Save with their crew around. The boy doesn’t know Mihawk, yet, so he would be less likely to stick around in the swordsman’s care.

Plus Mihawk has been feeling the need to slice something in half since this morning, when they arrived to this island and Shanks had entered panic mode. He hadn’t been able to calm Shanks (nothing would until Luffy was found) he is not the one who found the boy, and he’s more than a little over feeling useless. This he can do. He can remove anyone who dares to harm what’s his. Plus Shanks can stay with his boy and crew and relax in the knowledge that Mihawk will take care of it. (And isn’t it nice to know that Shanks trusts him with this. As his lover isn’t calling out or trying to stop him)

Later the island shakes from his attacks. It’s over quickly but he’s quite happy with the fear he struck into these low lives hearts before he cuts them down. The noble might lead to future problems but for now his corpse brings Mihawk joy. If the Navy asks he can always deny his involvement. A noble wondered to the wrong side of the island and got cut down but pirates. How sad.

He starts to make his way back to Party Bar content that the danger is gone and he can now meet the boy Shanks adores without interference. And they can figure out the other two little boys and their parental situations. (He’s not already thinking about adoption that’s Shanks thing okay)

What he is not expecting is the pandemonium he walks into of

One very distressed red head

One cursing little boy saying things that would make marines blush

One little blond trying to not have a panic attack

And one stretchy boy sobbing on the floor about never being able to swim again

Mihawk will never know peace again.

[covenofvenus]

PROTECT YOUR NECK ! Lyonessa’s Speedy Tutorial for Sharp Shootin

Protection, Uncrossing & Curse Freezin in a Traditional Hoodoo style.

A good practitioner eventually has the good common sense to be diplomatic and avoid a witch war. Avoiding drama, means avoiding headaches. It’s easy until it isn’t. Smoothing sailing isn’t always a guarantee in this world. Stay vigilant and well prepared.

Knowing how to protect, defend, uncross and cleanse yourself is a basic but crucial part of the Hoodoo practitioners spiritual hygiene.

Now this is a quick basic tutorial, to set you straight and keep you right.

⚔️ - KEEP YOUR HEAD SHARP & CULTIVATE COMMON SENSE

Hot heads, I’m talking to you. Emotional self control can save you from the stress of unnecessary witch battles with other practitioners. Be respectful, be mindful but take no shit. Try your best to avoid witch wars with other practitioners. I’ve seen these things be drawn out for years and it’s a huge colossal drain of energy and finances, usually over something very petty. Usually the person with most financial backing and resources wins but I’ve also seen clever maneuvering outweigh more powerful players.

It’s so easy to get caught up in drama in the spiritual community and have it spiral out of control. As your developing relationships, try to avoid warring and argumentative personality types so you don’t get caught in their crossfire. Committing all of your energy to constantly defending yourself from petty attacks is a waste of your energy. Cultivate social discernment & wisdom. This is not an invitation to live fearfully but smart. This is also something that takes time and practice.

On the other side of the spectrum, as you gain experience do your best to not become mad with power & trigger happy.

Constantly throwing jinxes, hexes or curses takes it’s toll mentally, energetically & physically, in some cases it can cause serious physical health problems further down the line. Don’t develop a god-complex. Stay grounded. Now I can’t tell you where to draw the line in the sand when it comes to certain situations, because every practitioner has their own code of ethics.

I’ll use myself as an example. On my spiritual journey I’ve acquired and invested in vast amounts knowledge and other resources which have made my defensive and offensive skills pretty extensive. Some of the things, rituals, and spirits that I have access to would be overkill depending on the circumstances. Coming into a massive powerful spiritual inheritance so early was hard.

I had to learn by trial and error to be more respectful of my own power. I was an overpowered baby witch shooting lightning bolts, while burning my own hands. Learning to practice emotional regulation allowed me to hone my skills better. I had to do shadow work and confront my traumas.

Cultivating a respectful working relationship between yourself, your own power and your emotions can save your life.

⚔️ - PRACTICE GOOD OFFENSE

A good practitioner will use various methods of divination to spiritually strategize before moving to attack. Attacking blindly without any knowledge, can cause all sorts of problems, especially if you’re dealing with someone who has strong spiritual or ancestral protections or a higher rank then you, worst case scenario you’re going up against a coven.

Excellent offense means doing recon. Good Reconnaisance skills means gathering information about your target, through various means of surveillance. Gather as much information about your enemies or targets resources, spiritual force or power, protection and activities. You should approach this like a military operation. Once you’ve got enough information, then you can strategize, prepare and do divination on what your next move should be.

This isn’t always easy either, depending on the skill of your target. People can cloak, shape-shift, even have guardian or monitoring spirits or ancestors to alert them. When in doubt, always use stealth. Always make sure to cloak and protect yourself when surveilling your target. It’s the most practical form of offensive protection. I’ve seen practitioners attack folks just for doing surveillance. Don’t get caught out here lacking, put on your damn armor.

All Power is intoxicating and life altering. Without self control you can seriously injure yourself and others. Ego often makes many people in this community think they are invincible, until they get humbled, tale as old as time. Respect your powers & yourself. Cultivate self control & discipline. Resist wild impulse. Build habits that protect you in the future.

Our plant allies are crucial to our practice and connection to spirit and the earth.

ASSORTED TOOLS & HERBARIUM

🌿 Mint- protection, cleansing, mental clarity refreshing, brings vitality and a fresh start. This herb is perfect for regular cleansing or removing negative energy, hexes, evil or crossed conditions

🌿 Angelica Root - strength, protection, warding off evil, safety, creates a happy home. This incredible ally is associated with Archangel Michael and said to be blessed by him in angelic lore.

🌿 Lemon Grass - clears out negative stagnant energy, breaks blockages, rejuvenates and brings positive vitality, breaks curses, uncrossing.

🌿 King Solomon’s Root - Protection, Wisdom, Wards off All Evil & Negativity

🌿 Red Brick Dust - creates an protective energetic shield around your spiritual and physical being.

🌿 White, Black, Sea or Kosher Salt - Cleansing, Purifying, Protective

🌿Rosemary - Cleansing, Purifying, Stabilizing, Protective

🌿 Camphor - Cleansing, Purifying, Protective, Wards off Chaos, Negativity, Evil Spirits, Hex Breaking

🌿 Cayenne Pepper - Speedy, Fiery Protection, Cursing, Hexing, Jinxing

Redbrick dust, Solomon & Angelica Root can be sprinkled along your widows or the four corners of the house to create a protective house space. This same blend can be mixed with holy water, an a petition and frozen as a defensive protective ward to temporarily freeze the effects of a curse, until you can remove it. This same mix can be used in a bowl, outside the freezer as regular defensive ward from any potential threats.

Lemongrass and mint can be used to make a cleansing spiritual bath to remove jinxes, crossed conditions and break blockages, while rejuvenating your spiritual energy. Angelica Root can be added to this bath for extra protective effect.

These herbs can also be used in candle magick, mojos, poppets and more.

Traditionally our Elders used beeswax, oil lamps, bonfires or cookpits, utilizing whatever the resources available, to conduct pyromancy. Color correspondence was utilized in other ways, with herbs, scarves & many other things but can also be used with candles etc

COLOR MAGICK

🕯White & Blue - cleansing, healing, purification, innocence

🕯Purple - increased power, strength, protective, the mind, wisdom, spirit

🕯Red - increased energy, protective, offensive attacks

🕯Black - energy removal, protection, reversals, hex breaking

It’s important when practicing candle magick to practice fire safety.

Place all glass & tin candles on plates, pans, aluminum foil or fire safe surfaces to prevent damage, burn marks or wax on surfaces, like wood and linoleum.

Never leave candles unattended for long periods of time or overnight without attendance, remove nearby flammable hazards, hanging debris + keep a wick & fire extinguisher on standby.

⚔️ - PROTECTION, UNCROSSING & CURSE FREEZING TIPS

- Salt & Lemongrass, on a black candle can assist with uncrossing and cleansing yourself from negativity or hexes

- Cayenne, Angelica & Brick Dust on a black candle can create a decent protection spell.

- Cayenne, Rosemary, Mint & Angelica Root on a blue candle can assist with protected healing, quick recovery and rejuvenation especially when one is under attack, or restoring their energy.

- Holy Water, King Solomon Root & Red Brick Dust Boiled and prayed over, bottled & frozen in the refrigerator can freeze or slow down the effects of a hex or curse, without alerting the magician, it’s also an effective ward against curses and hexes.

- Bathing in Solomon Root, Rosemary & Mint regularly assists with good spiritual hygiene cultivating a protected aura and promoting spiritual health & wisdom, cleansing out negativity or gunk, purifying and stabilizing your soul.

- Solomon Root, Mint & Rosemary on a purple candle, cleanse and protect your mind from chaos psychosis & confusion, an give you protected mental clarity and inner stability. This is handy for curses, jinxes that are designed to make you go crazy.

- Four Red Bricks, with Psalms 91:3-4 written in sharpie, washed in holy water, placed in the four corners of your property creates a spiritual hedge of protection for you & your home against violence, evil and chaos.

- Rosemary Plants Potted are natural spiritual wards of protection, stability and purification and are great herbal ally, to have planted in your garden or keep in your home. You can tag lock these plant to alert you of any curses or hexes, sent your way & they will naturally filter and cleanse the energy of your space.

- A mirror washed in holy water & smoked cleansed with solomon root, angelica, mint and rosemary, can be commanded to be spiritually locked & sealed with Psalms 147: 13.

⚔️⚔️⚔️

Hopefully this speedy guide, has been ultra helpful for y’all. This is just a quick guide to wet your whistle and provide a good foundation of protective magical knowledge. As you grow in experience and power, your skill set and knowledge, about protective magic will grow even more.

Be smart. Be strategic. Don’t be a dumbass

xxx

Lyonessa Hart.

[definitelynotafurinasimp]

Kafka with a tsundere reader (I love Kafka SO MUCH…)

Kafka with a tsundere reader

characters: Kafka x gn!reader

warnings: none

a/n: GET YOUR WISHES READY. IT'S HAPPENING. Less than 24 hours until Kafka releases. So I decided now would be a great opportunity to write something for her, as something of an offering to the Gacha gods...

I'm so down bad for this woman. I swear...

I wish everyone pulling for her the best of luck and I’ll see you on the other side!

Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Kafka

While the Stellaron Hunters were composed of all different kinds of personalities, the ones Kafka kept around herself the most weren’t the most jovial of creatures. Silverwolf ironically preferred to ignore the tendencies of the animal in her name and rather work alone, while Bladie never was all too talkative in the first place.

And then there was you, someone trying so hard to match the stone-faced attitudes of your co-workers, that it was almost a crime not to try and get you to show your real feelings. A crime Kafka for once in her life didn’t intend to commit.

Kafka’s teasing was a misfortune every Stellaron Hunter working with her at least once had to endure. One you begrudgingly had to admit was fun to watch whenever you weren’t her target, the urge to join in whenever the purple-haired woman broke through Silverwolfs stoic facade forcing you to bundle up all of your self-control on more than one occasion.

Today however, was not your lucky day, as it quickly became clear who today’s victim would be.

“Come on, finish what you just wanted to say”, Kafka urged you to continue with a smile so devilish even Nanook would have felt creeped out. It had been foolish enough of you to let your compliment slip out in the first place, especially when Blade and Silverwolf were in the room, but all hopes of not drawing a giant Target on yourself were lost when you cut yourself off in the middle of your sentence, making the fact that it was a slip up as clear as day.

“There is nothing to finish, I was just talking to myself”, you lied as naturally as you breathed, hoping it would be enough to get Kafka to stop. Only for your hopes to be crushed in front of your very eyes as you saw her face light up in a familiar way, one signaling that giving up was the last thing on her mind right now.

“You’re lying.” While being called out on your obvious lie already was enough to make you lose your composure, her teasing tone sent blood flooding directly into your cheeks, causing them to turn red in almost an instant

With one swift turn of your head towards Blade you silently begged him for help, only for your fellow Stellaron Hunter to face away, putting all of his attention onto his weapon. And while you ought to have felt betrayed by his action, knowing how you did the same whenever it was someone else’s turn made you unable to hold a grudge against him.

Silverwolf however was a different story. As when you glanced towards her, you weren’t just brushed off, but instead were greeted by an amused smile, one radiating enough Schadenfreude to feed an entire planet of sadists. Before you knew it however, your attention was once again drawn to Kafka as you tried your best to find the right words to say.

“...I said the new coat suits you”, you murmured out just loud enough for her to hear you, nevertheless she gave you one more teasing smile, one wider than all of the previous.

“That’s interesting, I could have sworn I’ve heard a ‘B’ somewhere. Something along the lines of ‘You look beau-’”, she continued, dragging the last word out in anticipation of what you would say while forcing you to look her in the eyes.

“You look beautiful today”, you finally whispered in defeat, her ears immediately picking up on your words. For a moment you expected her to pretend she didn’t hear you, forcing you to say it once again, just louder. However, it seemed as if getting you to spit it out was enough for her as she showed you a satisfied grin before letting you finally go. Sparring you the embarrassment of having your fellow crewmates hear what exactly you had said that caused you to get this stand-offish.

Or at least that’s what she let you think for a few seconds.

“Oh you think I look beautiful today? Thank you, you’ve got quite the looks yourself.” The big smile on Kafka’s face was hard to miss, although you were far too embarrassed to look back up at her, your red face glued to your shoes for at least the next hour.

No matter how hard you tried to match your colleagues' blank expressions, there was always one person for whom you were as easy to read as an open book.

[rocketrouquine]

So I watched the 2 last episodes of Loki (including the finale) and well I have thoughts.

All in all, except for the beginning and the last two episodes, I really thought it was not as good as the first one. (Probably because Majors as Timely was excruciating, I hate when actors are trying stuff like this, it feels forced, it doesn’t work, I wanted to punch him every time he was opening his mouth) BUT …lokius. Yeah let’s talk about it.

It’s crazy to me how in the first season I was all for sylki because I thought their relationship and feelings were really well done and realised (whereas I saw what the mobius shippers saw but thought that it wasn’t really there there) BUT in the second season, I felt absolutely nothing between Loki and Sylvie. There was no more chemistry at all (it was like it never existed in the first place, it was bizarre) and even the actress playing Sylvie played it like a sibling or a good friend kind of fed up, just want to be left alone, not missing him for a second. And Loki pining for her but like a nerd is pining for a cheerleader in a bad teen movie (like boy, you’re not obligated to love her, you know), like you don’t even understand why except for the fact that it was here (emphasis on the was)

NOW Mobius and Loki in the second season ??? BAM 💥 Like sheesh everything : chemistry, banter, touch, exchanged looks,protectiveness, an ease like they are really soulmates. You could feel it all in every single one of their exchanges, it really was like watching a romcom where the protagonist fails to see what is in front of him and I was getting frustrated each time he was going all misty eyes for her, I was like « come on man let her go, we don’t fucking care about her anymore !! » Then, the finale…. The scene with Loki coming to see Don at his place with all the tension of a « is he here for this or ? What should I do? » gay panic, with Loki fucking putting his hair back and taking a breath before going to see him, like WHAT ?! That’s not what a friend does before seeing one other !!! You know what you are doing, so commit for fuck’s sake. But well… then they did (sort of) with the end of the finale. And it gutted me.

The moment with Sylvie and Mobius looking at him through the window… we know you put her there because it would have been impossible to brush it off if it was just Mobius juxtaposed with Loki’s « for you » but we know. I mean the last exchange with Sylvie at Don’s place before Mobius is saying « let time pass » (gu-tted I tell you). You can see that Sylvie is like « whatever » and Mobius is devastated. Also the shot of him in the dialogue was just all Loki’s colors green and yellow (hers was in a normal sunlight, his backlit) That is not an accident, to have these colors you have to plan it the day of the shoot and enhance it in color grading during post. This was a choice.

Anyway, I am not a sylki shipper anymore (and I even question why I ever was, after seeing the second season : I’ll probably cut myself some slack if I do a rewatch of season 1 because it was well executed at the time) and I’m diving in the pits of despair of Lokius. These fuckers.

[ashwithane]

happy 5th anniversary, fire emblem three houses!

i didn’t have time to do anything super elaborate, but i’m glad i could at least make some simple drawings of how i looked when the game released vs how i look now. i tried to give them a similar vibe to the in-game portraits haha

rant below about my feelings right now because there’s a Lot to say! content warning for mental illness and childhood trauma 🫠🤙

as you can see in the drawings, i’ve come a long way in the past five years. when three houses first released, i was a deeply insecure high schooler who never dared to speak up or express themself. i struggled with self worth issues and had long since begun developing ocd symptoms as a result of the fear i had that there was something wrong with me, something i couldn’t possibly know or change but that everyone would see if i made a single wrong move.

throughout high school, and my adolescence as a whole, i had a hard time connecting with people. but when i played three houses, i connected with the story, the characters, the ability to replay it again and again and always try something new, change characters’ classes and find new paired endings and discover the little details i hadn’t noticed before. i was playing three houses the weekend after covid lockdown was announced, and i remember talking to one of my friends about this cool game i’d just started my second playthrough of. we laughed and talked about the game, figuring that lockdown would only last a few weeks, and then things would be back to normal.

lockdown was difficult for me, as it was for most people. but at the same time, not going to school in person meant i could afford to let my guard down. i could afford to unmask, and discover who i was when i didn’t spend every moment in fear of what others would think. and so when lockdown ended, i started college still timid, but somewhat more familiar with who i was inside.

and then, one day, a thought hit me out of nowhere.

“am i trans???”

and thus began the journey of self-discovery that was my first summer after college. i started using the name ashe, started using any pronouns and later switched to just they/them. i also finally got up the courage to tell my parents i wanted to get tested for autism, and came back with that diagnosis to explain almost everything i hadn’t had the words to understand before.

recently, my mental health has gotten worse. i got diagnosed with anxiety at the same time i got my autism diagnosis, but nobody told me i have ocd as well until earlier this year. things took a nosedive for me over this past school year—i stopped taking risks, barely left my college campus, barely allowed myself to put effort into social connections out of fear that i’d be forcing people to put up with me. but through therapy and medication, i’ve been working through those feelings, and the fears my brain internalized as a result of the way i grew up: feeling like something was wrong with me, but not knowing what. today, i feel pretty good! i’ve been having more and more good days, so i’m overall optimistic about what my future holds.

to bring this back on topic, fire emblem: three houses has gotten me through countless tough times, and has been immensely helpful in figuring out who i am. so in honor of the anniversary, i’d like to give a special thank you to the characters who have been the most important to me over the past five years.

ashe: i’ll start with the obvious. ashe is the character i stole my name from, so of course he will always hold a special place in my heart. in addition to that though, ashe’s earnest personality and commitment to doing the right thing is immensely inspiring to me. he proves that it’s possible to make mistakes and grow from them, that your life isn’t over after one misstep. ashe has taught me to never give up on doing the right thing, and being the best version of myself i can be.

felix: this list would not be complete without the scrunkly of all time! obviously i find felix to be a very compelling character and fun to write, but his significance to me goes beyond being a writing muse. i’ve often thought that i wish i’d had a friend like felix when i was younger, and even now—someone who would drag me into situations i found stressful and encourage me (in his own rude way) to have confidence in myself. someone who would have stood up for me against the people who treated me like i was lesser. felix inspires me to fight for what i want, his shield symbolizing the ability to make your own choices for what and who you defend. he reminds me that there’s no glory in being a martyr, and so i shouldn’t make my well being a second priority. i love you felix and i’m sorry i put you through the horrors regularly (but not sorry enough to stop).

marianne: it’s probably concerning to say i see a lot of myself in marianne. her journey is incredibly inspiring to me, especially now as i see that the past five years have taken me along a similar path to hers. marianne starts out thinking she’s too different from everyone else to deserve a life like theirs, and condemns herself to crushing loneliness all to avoid the possibility of her hurting the people she loves. and yet she learns to live for herself, realizes that her mere existence doesn’t cause any harm, and learns to embrace her right to enjoy life. i hope to have the same strength she does, so that one day i can reach that point as well.

linhardt: no joke, i realized i was neurodivergent because of linhardt. so many of his lines and support conversations made me go “ha, he’s so autistic/adhd coded!” i made these comments repeatedly, but i also kept noticing all the little ways in which i related to him. linhardt was one of many autistic people who made me go “huh, i do that too! what do you mean that’s not normal???” his character also serves as a reminder that it’s okay to take a break once and a while, and that looking after myself doesn’t mean i don’t care about others.

if there’s one thing left to say, it’s thank you. thank you to ashe, felix, marianne, linhardt, mercedes, sylvain, ignatz, hapi, yuri, hell—my oc rowan, all the characters i’ve connected with and loved so deeply over the past five years. thank you fire emblem three houses, not for being the only reason i am where i am today, but being a major part of it nonetheless. and if anyone’s still reading, thank you for making it this far, and happy timeskip! 🎉

[walking-in-blood]

Long ramble.

Tw: Stockholm Syndrome/trauma bonding, age gap (18-40/30’s), rape, physical/verbal/sexual abuse, suicide mention, complicated feelings for abusers/wanting to reconnect with abusers, etc.

NOT directed only to my Officer Lerner anon—I want all Officer Gorman and Officer Lerner fictionkins/reincarnates to know my feelings. (I assume there are multiple of you in this reality.)

Long story short—yes, I want to talk with you again despite my better judgment. I’ll give you another chance, Officers. I know you both are hesitant to come off anon so my Discord is bgreene1

Where do I even begin?

Officer Lerner and Officer Gorman, I hope you know how badly you fucked me up—last life to this one. Honestly, I can’t describe my feelings in a way that makes sense but I still feel “loyal” to you and Chris.

I really feel like I need you—brains crave familiar and everything seems to have carried over. (I also met a police officer who sounded and looked like Officer Gorman in my current body. I’ve had multiple coincidences that heavily reminded me of you—even finding the same lollipop Chris forced into my mouth in this life.)

I bet you both are laughing your asses off—knowing I’ve decided to crawl back to you and want a 3rd chance. I feel like I’m a dog begging for a bone you’re dangling just out of reach.

Either way it really feels like I’m letting you win. Though I know that’s not the case.

Part of me can’t let you go/doesn’t want to get out of that unwillingly intimate relationship. I needed your approval and comfort. Dawn made it clear that I’d be dead if they hadn’t found me. Honestly, I hoped things would get better between the three of us. I tried to think in terms of “Officer Lerner and Officer Gorman will change” even if I knew you couldn’t change such manipulative and disgusting behavior. I tried SO hard to not cross the line or disobey you.

I hated confrontation and tried to appease you, tried being your submissive good girl. But you ruined me in more ways than one. I really contemplated committing suicide just to avoid the abuse—multiple times. I get why Joan did and I certainly don’t blame her.

Both of you are depraved, disgusting individuals who used the apocalypse to both your advantages to control those weaker than you.

In fact, I usually felt more needy and sexually frustrated after you both used me. Of course since you’re (Chris) older than me you knew exactly what you were doing. You wanted me to feel dependent on you for pleasure—unwilling or otherwise. Wanted me to crawl back to you for comfort each time Dawn beat me. Officer Gorman, you took something from me that I had saved for someone that I actually loved. I was only 18. 18!!!

I should’ve ripped your fucking throat out myself. You’re disgusting for trying to make the rape seem like a form of care, comforting me throughout it. You loved watching me cry and struggle, didn’t you? Even after I scratched your face and drew blood.

And you (Dawn) I should’ve used that pair of scissors to stab you in the throat before twisting—not in your uniform vest. Whenever you beat me I wanted to spit blood in your face, call you a bitch. I also thought of telling you both to fuck yourselves.

Whenever possible you (Dawn or Chris) said that I’m weak/not strong enough, “not a fighter”,“not the greater good or made for this world” because of my suicide attempt. You usually degraded me in order to punish me. Or just to try and make me question my self-worth. Lying through your fucking teeth.

It’s sickening how you believe your actions were justified, “for the greater good” and didn’t care about the harm it caused me. You clearly got off on it. I know none of my suffering and scars were for the greater good or “for my benefit”. But you always knew how to twist my words to your advantage. I only believed everything you said because it was drilled into my head.

Officer Lerner, I know you didn’t call Officer Gorman out was because you both had the same motive. You and I had as much sexual tension as your partner but I still can’t believe you didn’t reprimand him when he raped me. But then again you two are partners. I know you loved each other (not entirely sure in which way) and both seemed attached at the hip—one and the same when it came to abuse.

You told me many times you’d do something about it, reassured me you would put Gorman in his place but it never happened. You knew what was happening and you LET it happen. Over and over you let him do it. You wanted me weak, easier to control while you participated in Chris’ fantasies. (At least….that’s what I remember.) I pleaded with you both to stop, it hurt—but you never listened.

I don’t know how to describe your voices other than sickeningly sweet. It was so vile especially since your words didn’t match with the sweet tone both used. Both of you were so condescendingly sweet. Referring to me as “good girl” “sweetheart” “Bethy” and other terms of endearment to make me feel some level of attachment/intimacy. You won. You did manage to make me feel…like we “had something special.”

I was like your little doll you could rape and abuse, beat up and degraded whenever. I AM strong no matter how hard you tried breaking me. I know you never planned on letting me leave Grady.

I still don’t have closure and even if I don’t fully heal that’s ok. I feel like that trauma makes me stronger but at the same time I feel as though you still have a “hold” over me. Like I can’t move past it and honestly I don’t think I want to.

Actually….the first time I re-watched the hospital episodes I had like, a panic attack (curled into a ball type of sobbing) since I think I had underestimated how deep those wounds still are. I’ve never had such an intense reaction to trauma (except a different past life)

Also have never felt such a connection and urge to reconnect with abusers—you’re the first.

The whole situation was absolutely dehumanizing.

BUT at the same time I know you and Chris are in this reality. Please feel free to reach out to me when or if you see this. I promise I’m not only full of hate and anger towards you. There’s a lot of things we need to discuss and I need to confess a few things. I need you both….

It makes me sick to my stomach to admit that I’m EVEN attracted to you—I think of you both so fucking often. I still feel such a pull towards you and that sense of loyalty. It’s so disgusting and wrong but the abuse was prolonged.

I need you so fucking bad, I don’t even know how to describe that….”ache?”

Yes, my Stockholm syndrome/trauma bonding is showing and yes I have very complicated feelings for you.

Despite it all, Grady Memorial Hospital was the 3rd “safest” place I stayed at during the apocalypse. 

—Beth Greene

[vacate-et-scire]

I saw your matchup post and l've never done one so l'm not sure if I'll try my best to be detailed

I'm an infp-t! A virgo (September Virgo if that matters). My favorite colours of all time are definitely blue and pink! And my fav animals are dinosaurs and owls! I grew up in a Southern California so l absolutely cannot do the cold (despite loving snow) I love the beach and my favorite "sport" to do myself is swim! I play a bit of tennis and used to ice skate. I'm actually like I'm pretty laid back with everything and calm, until everything that annoys me kind of accumulates and I get really angry . It's the same with sad emotions too, I hate crying or anything like that because it makes me feel dumb but I definitely do it in private.

I'm pretty bad at talking to new people, I'm polite enough but usually won't start a conversation if I don't have too. Most of my now friends talked to me first, kind of the opposite of I was younger. I definitely had a habit of talking to everyone. Now, it just turned into a bad habit of overexplaining everything.

My favorite musical artists include Enhypen, Jaehyun, Cigarettes After Sex, The Weekend!

But honestly it changes a lot, I'm pretty indecisive like my music taste and often have

"phases" of hyper fixations.

I like art, but I'm not very good at it, and only paint (my favorite) when I get the urge to (every couple weeks. I also really love to cook and bake, I like to think I’m pretty decent at it and it’s my favorite thing to do for people I care about. And of course reading! I love books and manga!

My style of dressing varies day by day (I love fashion!), but my makeup stays pretty consistent, usually softer looks inspired by igari, douyin, and korean makeup styles and i looove manhua lashes!

I love going out, trying new restaurants, attractions, shopping, book stores! My sleep schedule is honestly horrible, on weekends I won’t fall asleep until 2-3, I just get so distracted by different things I’ll totally forget about sleeping.

sometimes I can be a bit of a do-it-my-way kind of person, and I like telling people what to do instead of being told what to do. sometimes it’s a problem.

A few fun facts to end!

- I’m planning to study international relations (to hopefully be a diplomat!)

- I speak 3 languages

- I’m super short (imo), 5’3!

- I have one younger brother

- dream is to own a bakery/bookstore when o retire!

- I was valedictorian for my middle and high school

- (☀️)

p.s. Srry if it’s a little much I wasn’t sure how much was enough! and I’m not sure if you have anon emojis but if you do I’d love to be the sun!

Your Blue Lock Matchup: Nagi Seishiro

Nagi Seishiro would be your match, you’re very good at taking the initiative and Nagi would thrive in your presence. He’s lazy we all know that, but as we’ve seen with his interactions with Reo he can be productive-ish, and if he’s already put in the effort of being in a committed relationship with you, he’ll most likely listen to whatever you tell him to do.

Nagi thrives in his own world and doesn't particularly enjoy being forced into a box, and that independence would work well with you, especially as someone who loves having the freedom to do things your way.

Your love of food and baking would create an excellent foundation for a relationship with Nagi. He's the type who loves being pampered just a little, and he cannot cook himself, I have no faith he ever bothered to learn. The fact you could cook and bake, while also enjoying it could go two ways, one he’ll beg you to cook for him in exchange for doing cleaning chores or he’d beg you to teach him.

As someone who is not fond of being overly emotional, Nagi would understand your need for space when emotions build up. He's emotionally reserved himself, though he's far less outwardly expressive than others. His way of handling emotions is often to retreat into himself, and this would create an unspoken understanding between the two of you. When you get overwhelmed, you could rely on Nagi to give you the space you need without making things awkward or forcing conversation. In fact, he'd prefer silence and calm moments over long emotional talks.

Nagi would likely leave the choice of where to go for dates or outings up to you, showing his laid-back approach to life. He’s not the type to get worked up over decisions, so he’d allow you to indulge your interests and preferences, especially when it comes to the food and fashion scenes you enjoy.

However, Nagi’s lack of drive at times might be a challenge for you. Your ambition and goal of becoming a diplomat and your dream of owning a bakery/bookstore could clash with his more “live for the moment” mindset. You might find his lack of forward momentum frustrating at times, especially considering your own energetic pursuit of your dreams.

At his core, Nagi values simple pleasures overcomplicated emotions, he might not always be as quick to engage with new people as you, but he’d be supportive of your desire to engage with different cultures and languages, especially as you pursue a career in international relations. His “chill” nature would help balance out your more intense, indecisive moments, providing you with a sense of stability and comfort.

[reddeadreference]

Horseshoe Overlook: Who Is Not Without Sin

Full Transcript below ([...] placed where a gap of silence is  for the same person speaking or when there’s a long period of silence  and distance traveled.)  

Arthur: Swanson, you in here? [...] Reverend, where are you? [...] you here, Reverend?

Stranger: Come on…

[Arthur enters the building where Swanson and two men are playing poker]

Swanson: Mr. Morgan. I took your advice, sir, I took your advice.

Arthur: Then your god has finally deserted you. What you talking about?

Swanson: I took your advice, sir. I have removed myself from morpheus’ embrace. No more shall I sink, sir. I am free, I am free!

Arthur: You don’t seem free, friend. You seem drunk.

Stranger: Sit down, Reverend. We ain’t finished.

Arthur: You ain’t finished? Look at him, he’s finished.

Stranger: None of us forced liquor down his throat, friend. I-I just want him to play.

Arthur: Now firstly, we ain’t friends. Don’t make no mistake on that subject. Now secondly, he can’t hardly see, let alone reason. Now reasoning ain’t never been one of my strong points neither but seeing I do just fine. You wanna step outside, or deal with business here?

Stranger: I just want him to finish the game.

Swanson: Why can’t we all just get along? These are good men, Arthur. They’re children of God… they are children of God

[Swanson collapses]

Stranger: Oh… well. How’s about you play in his place, huh? That seems fair.

Arthur: Fair?

Stranger: Sure. You wanna game?

=Play=

Arthur: Sure, I’ll play a few hands.

Stranger: Well, sit yourself down then. [Arthur sits] I’m Luther, this is Marvin.

Marvin: Fortunate for you both we’re being gentlemen about this.

Arthur: Same goes for you.

Luther: So… how you two know each other anyway? Don’t seem like the likeliest of friends, if you don’t mind me saying.

Arthur: We go a long way back. 

Luther: And now you’re his chaperone?

Arthur: I guess it’s something like that… can we play?

Marvin: He can’t be no real clergyman, he committed about five cardinal sins just in that chair you’re sitting in.

Arthur: I think he used to be. He’s… drifted a little in recent years. Life is a challenge… to all of us.

Luther: Call.

Marvin: Can you imagine him at the pulpit? If he could stand up (in a drunken voice) “On the fourth day, he turned water into whiskey and I don’t remember much after that”.

Arthur: Just a little wager… He’s a decent feller going through a bad time. Disrespect him again, and you’ll find yourself in a bad time too.

Marvin:  Alright, alright… just trying to have a little fun here. It is a game after all, mister.

[They continue and Arthur wins the pot.]

Arthur: Gentlemen, this is getting too rich for me.

Luther: Sit down.

Arthur: Oh, I’m done, friend. It’s been a real education. Come on, Rev- (he doesn’t see Swanson) Where is he? Where’d he go?

Luther: Who?

Arthur: The reverend, where is… (he lets out a frustrated sigh as he heads to leave) Excuse me, gentlemen.

=Don’t Play=

Arthur: I can’t partners. I don’t mean to spoil your fun. I got things to do.

Stranger: You sure?

Arthur: Quite sure. I gotta get him outta here. C’mon, Reverend. Let’s get you… (he goes to kick where Swanson had been laying and looks down when his foot hits nothing.) home. (he sees that Swanson isn’t there.) Where’d he go?

Stranger: I don’t know. I was talking to you.

Arthur: (he lets out a frustrated sigh as he heads to leave) Gentlemen…

|

Arthur: Reverend! Reverend Swanson! Where’d you go?

=Question=

Arthur: ‘Scuse me, I’m sorry… y-you see a drunken idiot, a priest, wandering about?

Civilian: Sure, we saw him… smelt him… and avoided him. He went that way I think.

Arthur: Thanks…

Civilian: Guy looked kinda crazy, mister.

Arthur: Oh you have no idea.

=Demand=

Arthur: Hey, you… have you seen a priest?

Civilian: What’s your problem?

Arthur: Have you seen a priest, all… drunk and crazy?

Civilian: Leave me alone.

Arthur: Don’t make me shoot you.

Civilian: Shoot me? Why would you shoot me?

Arthur: Have you seen a priest?

Civilian: Yes, he went that way… angry jackass…

|

Arthur: Reverend! [...] Hey,, Reverend! [...] Reverend!

Swanson: Mr. Morgan! A hand here, please!

Stranger 3: What the hell did you just say to me?

Arthur: Hey! Get your hands off him!

Swanson: I didn’t say a word.

Stranger 3: You’ll keep! (to Arthur) You stay out of it!

Arthur: Get your hands off him now, you son of a bitch.

Stranger 3: I’ll kill you both. [...] Pair of damn fools.

[Arthur knocks the man out]

Witness: Oh, my God. You killed him. I’m gonna get the law on you.

[The man runs away and Arthur gives chase, cue sheep noises as Arthur runs through them]

Arthur: Hey, you! Get back here. You better stop right there.

Witness: Stay away from me!

Arthur: Stop, you son of a bitch! [...] Stop, or I’ll kill you. I swear. [...] I said stop, dammit.

Witness: Okay, okay… please don’t hurt me.

=Beat + Rob=

[Arthur pushes the man to the ground]

Arthur: (unsubtitled) You hear me now?

Witness: Yep! I… I won’t tell a soul, I promise.

Arthur: (unsubtitled) I presume that means yes. [Rob] On second thoughts, you can give me all your money too.

Witness: (unsubtitled) Okay, here, just take it. Just-just please let me go.

[Arthur punches and knocks out the man]

Arthur: (unsubtitled) What is wrong with you? (Seeing Swanson up on the tracks) Reverend! Get off the damn tracks!

=Threaten=

Arthur: I said stop, dammit.

Witness: Okay, okay… please don’t hurt me.

Arthur: You tell anyone what you saw back there, you’re a dead man. You understand me?

Witness: Yep! I… I won’t tell a soul, I promise.

Arthur: Good, get the hell outta here.

Witness: (unsubtitled)  S’last thing I need.

[Arthur heads up the hill and spots Swanson walking along the tracks.]

Arthur: Reverend! Get off the damn tracks! [Call out] What are you doing? [Call out] Reverend! 

[Arthur, having made it up the hill, runs down the tracks to where Swanson has gotten his leg stuck. In the distance he can see the train coming.]

Arthur: Come on, my friend… It’s just a simple mistake… You can… still be… s-saved. [...] What have you done with your foot?

Swanson: It appears to like this place and wants to stay.

Arthur: Get your foot outta here, twist your leg, you drunken bastard! [He pulls Swanson free and pushes him to the side] Got it, come on!

[The train rushes past. Arthur helps Swanson off the tracks.]

Swanson: Thank you, sir.

Arthur: Ah-ah-ah, oh no you don’t!

[Arthur pushes Swanson who falls to the ground.]

Arthur: What the hell is wrong with you?

Swanson: What the hell is wrong with you? Throwing me off a bridge like that.

Arthur: There was a goddamn train you crazy bastard!

Swanson: Have I been bad again, Mr. Morgan? I’m sorry. [...] I wish I was different.

[Swanson cries and Arthur awkwardly pats him on the back]

Arthur: Let’s get you home.

Swanson: Home… Yeah, that’s a wonderful idea. I could have tea with Margaret.

Arthur: Margaret? Who’s Margaret?

Swanson: My…

[He falls backwards. Arthur sighs then puts him on his horse]

Swanson: (slurring) Where am I? [...] Kippers, please..

Arthur: What are you mumbling about now?

Swanson: Tea, please. [...] One for the road? [...] Close the drapes…

[Arthur carries Swanson through camp]

Molly: I was wondering when he’d show up.

[Arthur drops Swanson off in a tent]

Arthur: You better sleep your way to salvation, my friend.

Susan: Oh, what happened?

Arthur: Just… the usual.

Susan: Poor bastard.

Arthur: Exactly

Susan: Well, thank you, Mr. Morgan. I’ll keep an eye on him.

[butchkaramazov]

A Shade Darker Than Red: Chapter 11

Chapter 10

“Renu?”

I looked up from my book. “Hm?”

“Do you ever think about dying?” 

I put the book down, pinching the bridge of my nose. “Paro, this is extremely random.”

Paro, whose head rested on my shoulder, snuggled closer to me. “Dying is random,” she sniffled with a pout. “And you’re going away tomorrow.” She paused, looking up at me. “Now who will I talk to about dying?”

“A grave concern indeed,” I laughed, smacking myself internally when she stiffened. “I mean—we’ll video call each other, won’t we?”

Paro hummed.

A comfortable silence followed, broken only by Paro’s sudden question. “Renu, can you promise me something?”

I frowned. “Sure?”

“Renu—” she shifted on the bed, pulling me closer— “are you sure you won’t go to Delhi and fall in love with some other girl?”

I felt something tug at my heartstrings as I looked at her, her sharp nose and cold eyes, warm only when with me. Parvati Sinha was all icy glares and stiff greetings, cutting remarks and the looming force towering behind you. 

Now? She was simply Paro, the girl I had loved since I was five. The girl who looked at me with wide, pleading eyes and a possible lump in her throat. My fingers found their way to her wrists, her pulse throbbing violently.

“Renu?” she asked, her voice cracking. 

I kissed her forehead. “I would be a fool to ever stop loving you, Paro.”

“So that means you won’t fall for someone else, na?” she asked, her voice soft. 

“No, but I may fall on someone else,” I chuckled. “Or maybe trip over a cart while shopping. Or you know, maybe just fall and crack the Statue of Liberty. Maybe even fall and somehow set fire to the India Gate. Or the top of a building while trying to commit arson—”

I was cut off by Paro’s lips on mine—soft, cruelly so, and unsure. Before I could process what had happened, she pulled away. “I take that back,” she sighed into the slight dip of my shoulder. “I’m more worried about you falling in general.”

I grinned, placing my chin on top of her head. She still smelled of incense and alta, and delightfully so. “So no, Paro, I think I’d trip and fall from the top of a building before falling for someone else,” I murmured. “See how we ended in a full-circle, right back at death?”

Paro grumbled from somewhere in my shirt. “Mention your death once more and I’ll ruin you.”

I considered it. “I mean, I’m not complaining,” I said, tilting my head thoughtfully. “I think I would quite like that. Being ruined by you.”

“Uffo,” Paro grumbled, and I was briefly reminded of Sudha auntie. “Why must you be so poetic?”

I brought her hand up to my face, briefly kissing her knuckles. “Says poetry herself,” I murmured, low enough to not be heard by her. Paro snuggled back under the covers.

“So without any of your little innuendos or puns,” she clarified, her voice muffled from under the blanket, “I take it you’re going to come home to me one day?”

I knew she meant when I came home from Delhi and visited her, but the faint glimmer of hope in my mind made something tingle in the pit of my stomach. Coming home to her would certainly be nice, yes.

I hummed. 

Paro peeked out of the covers, holding up her little finger. “Pinky promise?”

I smiled, holding up my little finger to hers. “Pinky promise.”

@sarayu-sunrays @manujanolavu @lavanya-lakshmi @whenhanafallsinlove @arachneofthoughts @sonilaalbindi @desi-yearning @alhad-si-simran @thatpagalchokri @trashmeowcan @waitingforthesunrise @vellibandi @thesunandstarss @chanda-chamke-cham-cham @damnn-dorothea @the-unhinged-fanwinggg @watchingblsnowandforever @disproportionatelysculpting @bundle-of-glitter @bibliophile-dendrophile please let me know if you want to be added or removed from the taglist <3

renu has to leaveee :D

[kaitheking0x]

TW:VENTING ABOUT MY MENTAL DISABILITIES

Shout out to those blogs that are able to commit to a consistent theme or idea. I sadly can never do that and just talk about all the things that I like at random times. My brain follows the dopamine and jumps from one topic to another on an almost daily basis.

It can be tiring having your brain go at what feels like 1000 RPMs and never settle down to let your self live in a moment. I constantly get confused as to what is going on around me because I either loose focus on it or focus to hard on one specific detail. Some days I feel so exhausted I can’t even focus at all and have to force myself to even get out of bed and go to classes.

I hate that when I wake up I don’t know if I’ll be able to actually have a good day or not. I hate the fact that my brain makes me so angry and upset without being able to let it go. I hate that sometimes I’ll be so happy or feel in the best mood because I can’t think right. I hate that after days of feeling like my best self I feel hollow and empty.

My feeling and emotions feel like a constant twisting of knots in ropes that I can never fully untangle. Some days it gets so bad it feels like I’m just a passenger in my own body, locked away while it moves on autopilot. I know I’m not the only one who suffers like this but it feel so isolating because the SECOND I try and talk about how I feel to people I trust and ask they look at me like I’m wrong, broken, or that I’m just over reacting.

Well I’m sorry that you can’t see the shadows I have to keep at bay every day just to stay sane. Or you don’t notice how much of my emotions I have to keep from flooding out like a river. Or how you don’t notice when I put on a fake smile because I just don’t have the energy to care but still have to make you happy. I do this every day and it never gets any easier.

But I just keep telling myself to keep moving forward don’t stop. Run and keep running till you come out the other side. If you can’t run jog, if you can’t jog walk and if you can’t walk crawl and push with all you can. And once you reach then end you can stop and look up at the beauty and wonder if the world and see how worth it it is to keep moving.

[wosopatri2]

Heyyy,

Just wanted to start off by saying WOAHHH PRETTY BARÇA PICS. the resolution is so good wtf. I have no idea how u do this but thanks for doing the lords work. (My god aitana looks so good in going to melt 🫠) Glad to see you are still doing photography! You’re doing great keep it up :)

Reading what you said about your exams… good god it sounds difficult, all the best! You’ll definitely ace it. Studying is honestly an endless cycle of wanting to quit and then getting it rinse and repeat.

Once again, thanks for the reassurance and advice :) I can’t really get this sort of reassurance from my friends cause well, they are homophobic or ignorant so it’s nice to have someone to talk to.

My week has been… difficult as usual. I don’t think I’ve slept more than three hours a night every day this week. My body alarm is broken and keeps forcing me up at 7-8am which is too early to be alive in my opinion. Plus the amount of work weighing on me constantly feels never ending. We just had a bit of a break but my assignments are never ending. Honestly Uni has got to be a modern day version so sissyphus torture.

More about Uni, even though I’m busy af, I’ve decided to just sign up for a bunch of stuff cause really life is too short for me to curl up at home in my own bubble. After being in uni for so long, I’m finally coming out of my shell 🥳 We will see how long this lasts before I crash out and regret it. (Okay interlude, I feel like joining this event cause of this really cute girl which btw I don’t like romantically she’s just so pretty but it’s a long term commitment and idk if I can do that. Also that is so gay of me. She’s also way out of my league and like four years my senior so nope. But at least my friends admit she’s pretty too)

Also I fell today (dw im fine) I was just insanely distracted by my own thoughts I didn’t look at where I was running and I tripped. Is it bad my first thought was to roll around like a male footballer…?im just practicing for when I eventually get to play matches against people.

Wait I know this note is like really messy, most of it is drafted at like 2am between study breaks so that’s why. After I started attending more social events, I realised my school does in fact have a lot of pretty people so maybe im bi idk. There’s this really one pretty girl I know but she’s 100% straight, and this really cute guy that I spoke to but he has a bit of a bad rep. At this rate I’ll never figure my sexuality out why is everyone so pretty but idw to date them.

Side note, my charger does not in fact work at every angle 💔 I cracked it so now I have to pray to the skies for it to charge, yesterday night it didn’t charge and I had to haul around my half dead phone.

I TOOK SO LONG TO WRITE THIS U POSTED MORE PHOTOS. omg I love the 5th one it’s so pretty. Keep taking photos love, you’re really good at it. Has your spark for photography returned? I sure hope it has.

Idk how ur getting on in ur studies but ur doing great either way. I hope all the information magically zaps into your brain and the exam is a piece of cake u score the best score possible. Love you, xoxo 💕

hey love,

Thank you for the sweetest message, it genuinely made me smile, even though i’ve been feeling a bit low lately. Honestly, i’m doing kind of bad, studying is not going well at all, i can’t concentrate, and it’s taking me forever to rebuild the habit. It’s like my brain refuses to cooperate, i sit down and five minutes later i’m staring into the void. I’m trying to be kind to myself, but i feel really unmotivated and heavy and just… stuck. Hopefully it’s just a phase.

Anyway, thank you for gassing up my barça pics!! you have no idea how happy that made me. I was so excited about the lighting in those shots, and aitana?? yeah, she’s unreal, i’m really glad you liked them, that gave me a nice little boost and sadly for a little i'm not going to be able to see them again live so i'm happy the photos came out good. I’m still holding onto photography, it’s been off and on, but taking those photos felt a bit like getting the spark back, not fully, but it's there flickering. You reminding me that i’m good at it helps more than you know.

Yeah, the exams are honestly brutal, thank you for saying i’ll ace it, even if right now it feels like the exact opposite. It really is a rinse and repeat cycle, one day i’m like “i got this” and the next i’m ready to pack it all in and become a hermit in the mountains (which actually doesn't sound bad at all sadly don't have the money for it right now).

I’m really sorry you don’t get this kind of reassurance from your friends, you deserve people who see you and love you for all that you are. I’m really honoured i get to be someone you can talk to about all this and i'm always here if you need anything, always remember that.

Your week sounds like absolute chaos, you need sleep, babe!! a 3-hour average is like… criminal (kinda hypocrital of me when i sleep like that too but i have chronic insonmia). Uni really is sisyphus-level torture; i feel like someone should do a study on it, but i’m so proud of you for signing up for more things even while everything feels overwhelming. It’s not easy to break out of your comfort zone, especially when you’re tired and stressed, so that’s huge.

alsoooo… the girl... the cute one.... yeah, that sounds very gay of you and i support it wholeheartedly. You don’t have to have a crush on her for her to awaken the rainbow in you and hey, being pretty and four years older? elite combo,

Glad to hear you're okay after the fall, even if your first instinct was to roll like a footballer (honestly iconic behaviour), you’re just getting in character for your future matches, clearly.

As for the “maybe i’m bi idk” stuff, listen, you don’t have to figure it all out right now, it’s okay to just feel drawn to people, to notice their beauty, even if you don’t want to date them, attraction is weird and fluid and doesn’t need to come with a neat little label. You’re allowed to just be and there's no timeline for anything, as long as you okay and safe that's what matters the most.

Rip to your charger though… praying it makes a full recovery may it start working at every angle like a loyal soldier(sometimes bending it makes miracles).

and omg, you noticing the 5th photo?? i love that one too. It felt like the kind of light that makes everything glow. Your support honestly makes me want to keep picking up my camera, even on the off days.

Thank you for the kind wishes with studying—even if nothing is magically zapping into my brain right now, you made me feel like maybe that moment will come.

I love you, please take care of yourself, and may your sleep improve, your charger resurrect, and your heart feel a little lighter this week.

PD: really sorry for the late reply but my grandpa passed away and well things were a chaotic and i had to take care of many legal things but all is solved now and life keeps going even if my heart is a bit emptier right now.

[ittybxttykxttytxtty]

I HONESTLY FEEL LIKE WHILE READING THIS FIC,MY DEFAULT SETTING WILL ALWAYS BE CAPSLOCK. SO I HOPE YOU'RE USED TO IT BY NOW. THANKS 💕

As for Matt, you’d admittedly been doing your best to avoid him. He still had no idea about the pregnancy, and truthfully you weren’t quite ready to tell him. Over the past couple of weeks he had been calling you and leaving the occasional voicemail, but you’d ignored him every single time.

I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT BABY GIRL DESERVES THIS MOMENT OF PEACE. EVEN FOR A LIL BIT. GO AHEAD. I SUPPORT YOU IGNORING HIM. MAKE HIM SWEAT A BIT

“It’s just–” he began, grimacing before shaking his head. “Matt doesn’t know, does he? That you’re pregnant? Because you two aren’t together but you’re carrying his child. And I don’t think he’d be acting the way he is if he knew.”

FOGGY...YOUR FAITH IN MATT PUTS MATT'S FAITH IN GOD TO SHAME.

“If he knew the truth there’s no way Matt would’ve walked out on you like that,” Foggy told you earnestly. “There’s no way. He’d have stayed, I promise you that.”

FOGGY...BABY...

“I was crying and begging him to stay and he left . That’s on Matt, not me.”

“No, that man couldn’t possibly care about being a father. All he cares about is Daredevil and Hell’s Kitchen. He can have a relationship with his child, I won’t stop that, but I’m the one who’ll ultimately be raising this baby.”

YES YE SYS I ANBSJIA I CANT. SHE SAID IT. SHE HAS SPOKEN THE TRUTH.

“You don’t know Matt wouldn’t want to be a father.”

ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?!?! DID HE TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT?!?! DID HE SAY HE HAS PLANS TO BE A DAD IN THE FUTURE. IK IDK MUCH BECAUSE MY KNOWLEDGE ABOUT MATT WANTING TO BE A DAD IS LIMITED BUT WITH ALL THINGS CONSIDERED HE DOESNT HE REALLY SCREAM FATHER MATERIAL

“But I know Matt. He wouldn’t walk away from his own child. He wouldn’t .”

OKAY, FINE. IF FOGGY SAYS IT THEN I KINDA MAYBE SORTA ON THIN FUCKING ICE ACCEPT IT I GUESS. BECAUSE I TRUST FOGGY MORE THAN MATTHEW RN.

“You and I will be just fine on our own,” you whispered drowsily, patting your bump. “I’ll find a way to make this work. One way or another, we'll both be okay.”

BET, BABY GIRL. WE CAN MAMMA MIA OUR WAY THROUGH THIS. MERYL STREEP AND I BELIEVE IN YOU. 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

“Are you fucking serious, Matt?” Foggy snapped.

TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH TO SNAP AT HIM BUT IT IS WELCOMED. GO AHEAD. TEAR HIM A NEW ONE.

“Fog, I’ve been trying to reach out to her,” he replied calmly, trying to soothe his friend’s anger. “I’ve called her countless times over the past couple of weeks. I’ve left her multiple messages. She keeps ignoring me and not answering my calls. Clearly she doesn’t want to hear what I have to say. There’s nothing I can do about that.”

i cant even bring myself to use capslock on this....it just baffles me how committed he is into not putting effort...like i am honestly amazed at this point. how can you say you love someone and not even make any effort in trying to make things right? or even try to end it without any bad blood...is he fr?

Matt’s hand twitched from its place on the desk out of instinct, ready to dart out and grab Foggy’s wrist, but he was stunned when his friend actually landed a hit upside his head.

AND HERE COMES FOGGY WITH A STEEL CHAIR

“And I’m disappointed in you! You damn well know you could show up at her apartment if she’s not answering your calls. You’re just making excuses.”

THAT'S IT. CALL HIM OUT LIKE A PRIEST CHASTISING SINNERS IN CHURCH.

“Okay,” he agreed, nodding again. “Okay, I’ll go talk to her. I promise.”

I'LL BELIEVE IT WHEN I SEE RESULTS.

After thots:

- baby girl deserves that me time 💕✨ go ahead, queen and lil devil, bond ✨ relax ✨ ignore thy father ✨

- did matthew even try? honestly? like him trying feels so forced?? that im beginning to doubt his feelings for her

- welp, we now know that these idiots would literally not survive without Foggy 🫂

Anyways, another chapter another round of feels 🥹 sending hugs and patience to everyone even to you, Ms. Bella. ik that typing matt's actions causes pain 🫂

Seeking Forgiveness [Part Four]

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader Word Count: 3.7k

[Full summary and installment list for this series can be found here.]

Warnings/tags: 18+ contains angst, emotional hurt, delayed comfort, pregnant Reader

a/n: This one switches POVs at the end to Matt's. Hopefully you like the update because I quite enjoyed writing Foggy in this one. You'll see why... Feedback is always appreciated!

Tag List: @mattmurdocksstarlight @just-going-through-the-motions @paracosmic-murdock @yeonalie @auroraslibrary @1988-fiend @will-delete-this-later-probably @two-unbeatable-beaters @danzer8705 @ragamuffin285 @callmebrooklynbabes @spookyboogyuniverse @peachy-aisha @stevenknightmarc @nerdytreeflower @fucktthisworld @remuslupinwifee @kmc1989 @mywellspringoflife @thornbushrose @yarrystyleeza @shiorimakibawrites @thychuvaluswife @marvelcinematiquniverse @vallovesthedilfs @scoliobean @this--is--music @mattmurdocks6thscaleapartment @ashlynhasmanyhyperfixations @swissy23 @lilthbunny @that-girl-named-alex

Chewing another bite of your burger, you were barely focused on the conversation occurring at the table amongst your friends. You had been starving ever since the four of you had met at the restaurant, the smell of grilled food causing you to salivate the moment you’d stepped through the doors. So once the waiter had placed your burger on the table in front of you–the one thing you’d been craving nonstop all day–you’d tuned everything else around you out. Marci had shot you a curious look when you'd first dug into your food, but you’d chosen to ignore that, too.

Initially you’d set up this lunch date with your friends so that you could break the news to Foggy and Marci that you were pregnant. For the past two weeks now Karen had helped you keep your secret, but now that you were eight weeks along and had seen that everything was progressing well at your first ultrasound, you thought it was time to clue the pair of them into things, too. You’d been appreciative of Karen’s support lately, but truthfully being even less alone in everything right now sounded even more comforting and appealing.

As for Matt, you’d admittedly been doing your best to avoid him. He still had no idea about the pregnancy, and truthfully you weren’t quite ready to tell him. Over the past couple of weeks he had been calling you and leaving the occasional voicemail, but you’d ignored him every single time. And since you hadn’t had the heart to hear his voice or whatever it was he had to say for himself, you currently had twelve unopened voicemails from him. 

You knew you needed to tell Matt the news. Every day you told yourself that, and every day it was a constant battle with yourself between ripping the bandaid off and showing up at his apartment to tell him or not. But then you always became emotional at the thought of just seeing Matt again, and you ultimately always came to the conclusion that you just weren’t quite ready to face him, not with this. You also knew that it wasn’t the sort of news you thought you should tell him in a phone call, either. So for now, Matt had no idea you were pregnant with his child. 

“Whoa, slow down there,” Foggy teased from across the table. “Your burger is not going to get up and run away from you if you set it down to breathe for a moment.”

It took a second for you to realize that he was even talking to you, having been too focused on eating your food. Your gaze slowly slid up from your plate, noticing three sets of eyes on you. Thankfully Karen’s expression was more amused and knowing than confused and judging like Foggy and Marci’s across from you. Swallowing down your bite of burger, you lowered it back down towards your plate, sitting up straighter in the booth. You sent the pair of them across from you a sheepish smile, watching as Marci’s hand rose up towards her mouth. 

"You've uh…got some ketchup," she said, gesturing beside her lip. “Right here.”

Reaching over, you grabbed your napkin and dabbed at the glob of ketchup on your face. You could still feel all three sets of eyes on you as you wiped off the ketchup, and one look up from your plate confirmed your suspicions. Eyes darting over towards Karen beside you, you saw her send you a slight nod and a soft, encouraging smile. With a sigh you wiped your hands off on your napkin next, figuring now was as good a time as any during this lunch to break the news to Foggy and Marci. And at least the irritating hunger-nausea that seemed to accompany early pregnancy was temporarily abated with how fast you’d eaten half of your burger.

“Sorry,” you muttered. 

Foggy waved a dismissive hand, shrugging his shoulders as he sent you a smile. “Not a big deal, though I thought you had asked us here because you wanted to talk to us about something.”

“There uh, there actually was a reason,” you agreed, nodding slowly.

Your eyes slid back and forth between Foggy and Marci, your fingers fidgeting nervously with the napkin still in your hands. The pair of them curiously focused on you from across the table, lowering their utensils and giving you their full attention. Biting the inside of your cheek, you contemplated how you were supposed to tell them something so big. How did you lead up to telling someone that you're pregnant? So when you inevitably couldn’t think of anything to gradually broach the topic with, you opted for just spitting it right out.

“I’m pregnant,” you announced. “Just over eight weeks now.”

Marci’s eyes instantly doubled in size at the news, her lips parting in surprise as she gaped at you. Foggy’s jaw literally dropped, his entire body going rigid in the booth. From beside you, you felt Karen place a gentle hand on your shoulder, giving it a brief comforting squeeze.

“Holy shit,” Foggy breathed out.

You shot him another sheepish smile, still fidgeting with the napkin. “Yeah,” you muttered, “that’s about what I said initially, too.”

“So–so is it…Matt’s?” Marci asked slowly, her brows drawing together.

“Yes,” you answered.

“Whoa, whoa, wait a minute,” Foggy said, frantically waving his hands in front of himself. “You’re pregnant? Like right now? With Matt’s baby?”

“Yes,” you repeated.

Marci began to run a hand through her blonde hair, her lips pursing together as that furrow between her brows grew while she tried to process the information. Foggy was still sitting in the booth beside her and staring at you in utter disbelief. After a minute of that incredulous expression on his face, you quirked a brow at him, no longer able to stand the silence that had fallen over the table.

“What?” you asked him.

“It’s just–” he began, grimacing before shaking his head. “Matt doesn’t know, does he? That you’re pregnant? Because you two aren’t together but you’re carrying his child. And I don’t think he’d be acting the way he is if he knew.”

“Yeah, well,” you began bitterly, picking up your glass of water and bringing it to your lips for a drink, “that’s Matt’s fault.”

“So you’re just not going to tell him?” Foggy asked in shock, his brows shooting up onto his forehead. “You can’t possibly do that to him. You wouldn’t .”

“I am going to tell him,” you said, setting your glass back onto the table. “I tried to tell him that I was pregnant the night we broke up. But he wouldn’t stay to talk to me. Said he needed to go deal with the Russians. Again . He’s the one who told me to leave that night. Told me I could tell him whatever it was I needed to when he got back or that I could go." You winced, eyes dropping down towards your half-finished burger. “He left me alone that night–left us alone. So forgive me for not rushing to tell him the news a second time,” you snapped. “Because I don’t think I should have come last that night on his list of priorities, so right now he's not exactly at the top of mine.” 

“If he knew the truth there’s no way Matt would’ve walked out on you like that,” Foggy told you earnestly. “There’s no way. He’d have stayed, I promise you that.”

Your eyes flew up from the table, landing back on Foggy across from you. There was an almost pleading look on his face as he sat there across from you. But as you opened your mouth to respond, you could feel that familiar rush of anger unfurling inside of you as you remembered that night.

“I practically begged him to stay and talk to me, Fog,” you growled, one arm possessively wrapping around your abdomen. “I was crying and begging him to stay and he left . That’s on Matt, not me.”

“I absolutely agree with you on that,” Foggy replied quickly, nodding his head. “He briefly told me what happened that night and I agree that he fucked up. Big time. But knowing what I do now? I know Matt needs to know the truth. He needs to make things right–”

“There’s no way Matt could make any of this right, Fog,” you cut him off. “And even if there somehow was, do you really think Matt would want to raise a child? With what he does? How obsessive he gets over things? The way he doesn’t even take care of himself?” You shook your head quickly, one arm still possessively wrapped around your belly. “No, that man couldn’t possibly care about being a father. All he cares about is Daredevil and Hell’s Kitchen. He can have a relationship with his child, I won’t stop that, but I’m the one who’ll ultimately be raising this baby.”

“You don’t know that,” Foggy countered, shaking his head as he leaned across the table towards you with that pleading expression only growing more desperate on his face. “You don’t know Matt wouldn’t want to be a father.”

“Actually, Fog,” Marci said, cutting him off, “I think I’m with her on this. From the things I’ve heard about Matt’s hobby from you and Karen, I was honestly shocked he had managed to successfully keep a relationship for as long as he has. But being a father? That’s an even bigger responsibility. I mean, he already has difficulty prioritizing the firm with you and Karen half the time. You really think a baby would be any different?”

“Yes!” Foggy exclaimed, his eyes darting between you and Marci. “Matt has his flaws, sure, I know that. I do,” he continued fervently. “But I know Matt. He wouldn’t walk away from his own child. He wouldn’t .” 

"I'm with Fog on this," Karen said, catching everyone's attention. "I think Matt wouldn't be acting this way if he knew."

Marci’s eyes narrowed at Karen, her head slowly tilting to the side. "You already knew she was pregnant, didn't you?" she asked. "Because you don't seem very surprised right now."

"She showed up at my place shortly after the breakup and I told her," you explained. "I just didn't want to be alone in all of this. I had been waiting until after my ultrasound to break the news to you and Foggy next. I just–just wanted you all to know so I wasn't entirely alone."

Marci’s hand slid across the table towards yours, grabbing onto it. She sent you a warm smile that swiftly quieted the anger you felt towards Matt that had been burning inside of you for weeks now.

"You're not alone in this," she assured you, squeezing your hand. "You've always got us."

"Yeah," Foggy agreed, his face softening when you glanced at him beside her. "Whatever happens with Matt in all of this, you know we're always here for you. Through anything."

Tears began to fill your eyes, your lips trembling at the show of support. Truly you were grateful that everything with Matt had led you to at least meeting all three of them.

"Thanks guys," you whispered. "You don't know what that means to me."

Shutting your apartment door behind yourself, you turned and leaned your back up against it, slipping your aching feet out of your shoes with a deep groan. Head rolling back against the door as you stretched your toes, your eyes took in the sight of your empty apartment. Everything was neat and tidy except for the couch in your living room, which was often where you found yourself cocooned in a soft blanket whenever you were home lately, binging your shows and trying to ignore the hollow, lingering pain in your chest from your persistent heartache. 

The pillows on your couch were a mess, a couple of them stacked together and resting against an armrest that you'd long since claimed as your usual spot. The extra height of them stacked helped with your nasal congestion–another unfortunate perk of pregnancy you’d recently come to learn about. Your plush blanket was still strewn across the cushions looking exactly the same as when you'd crawled out from underneath it earlier to get ready for your lunch date with your friends. Truthfully your couch still looked about as inviting as anything could to you lately.

With a sigh, your right hand absently landed on your belly. Any other normal Sunday in the past you'd have had plans with Matt right now. Grabbing groceries together or maybe getting coffee. Planning out dinner or listening to audiobooks on the couch. Having mind-blowing sex in the bedroom that left you blissed out and pleasantly exhausted afterwards, the pair of you remaining naked in bed just talking and losing track of time for half the day.

But not today. 

Though admittedly it had been awhile since Matt had been able to give you his undivided attention on a weekend. Usually he had been trying to catch up on work or sleep before he went back out again as Daredevil at night. But that didn't stop the sting of his absence that you’d felt over the past few weeks since the breakup.

Eyes dropping down to your abdomen, a faint smile curled your lips upwards. You weren't truly alone though. Not fully. And at least Foggy and Marci knew the truth about your pregnancy now and were completely supportive of you. That's what mattered at the moment. 

"Alright my little devil," you whispered to your small bump affectionately, "what's on the agenda for tonight?"

Lifting the hem of your shirt up with your other hand, you stretched out the spandex band of your maternity pants with a frown. They had become far more comfortable than your actual jeans this past week, especially once those had been near impossible for you to actually button closed. You’d recently bought a few basic maternity items, but the maternity jeans made you feel considerably less attractive with that stretchy band reaching up to almost the bottom of your bra. 

"Should I get into something significantly more comfortable than these maternity pants?" you asked your bump. "Maybe those cozy, stretchy leggings I just bought? Then you and I could curl up and take a nap on the couch before figuring out dinner?"

Pushing off of the door, you bent down with another groan as you picked up your shoes and placed them in the nearby closet. Afterwards, you shuffled your tired feet through your living room and straight towards your bathroom just through the short hallway.

"But first I'm going to pee for the millionth time today," you muttered under your breath. "Something I feel like I'm doing all the time now."

You used the bathroom quickly before heading to your room, taking your time to switch your clothes into something more comfortable. It wasn’t like you were planning to go out anywhere for the rest of your Sunday night. It didn’t matter that you were wearing a massive oversized shirt and a pair of maternity leggings that you’d rolled the waistband down to just below your bump. No one was going to see you, anyway.

“Alright,” you murmured as you left your bedroom, shuffling your way back down the hallway towards your living room. “Let’s nap and figure out dinner afterwards. Seems like you’re feeling pasta tonight, so I guess that’s the plan.”

Settling onto the couch, you pulled your feet up onto the cushions and underneath your blanket before you laid down. Almost instantly you could feel your sinuses closing up and you tried to ignore your irritation at it. At least it wasn’t the nausea, because that admittedly had been the worst part of everything so far. Getting comfortable on the couch, you tugged the blanket up to your chin, your eyes steadily closing as your exhaustion began to overtake you.

“You and I will be just fine on our own,” you whispered drowsily, patting your bump. “I’ll find a way to make this work. One way or another, we'll both be okay.”

Matt leaned forward, resting his elbows on his desk as he buried his face in his hands. He was tired and annoyed this morning, irritated that his Sunday out hadn’t been too eventful last night. Ever since he’d finished dealing with the Russians, having gotten Petrov into police custody with the help of Mahoney, Hell’s Kitchen had been oddly quiet on the organized crime front. Which was poor timing considering the fact that Matt hadn’t wanted to stay in his apartment where he’d just be reminded how alone he was every night. 

It didn’t help that he’d been sleeping horribly, too. He wasn’t out as late as he had been for the past few weeks, meaning he had the time to sleep, but he clearly lacked the ability lately. His mind just wouldn’t seem to quiet, becoming almost louder than the sounds of the city around him when he tried to. Which was also quite irritating. 

With an annoyed huff, he slid his hands down his face, straightening back up in his chair. He picked up his glasses from his desk and placed them back onto his face. He was tired but he still had work to do. There was a frustrating case he’d been helping Foggy with lately and he figured he could distract himself with that today. He didn’t want to think about anything else.

Though Matt had barely gotten far focusing on the case before he heard Foggy entering the office, closing the door a bit harsher than usual behind himself. Even Karen startled in her office at the unexpected rough slam of the door. Matt’s brows furrowed behind his glasses immediately afterwards when he heard Foggy make his way straight to his office instead of his own. 

Confused, Matt’s head darted up just as Foggy threw his door open. He could practically feel the anger radiating off of Foggy as he stepped into the room, his breathing heavy and his heart beating a little faster than usual. Matt’s eyes narrowed curiously behind his lenses at the tension in Foggy’s body and the increase in his blood pressure.

“Are you fucking serious, Matt?” Foggy snapped.

Matt's brows knitted further together, even more confused at Foggy's behavior this morning. He hadn't seen Foggy all weekend, what could he have done to upset him?

“About what exactly?” he asked carefully.

Foggy stormed further into the room, roughly slamming both of his hands flat on Matt’s desk as he leaned forward. Matt’s head tilted curiously to the side, noticing the elevation in Foggy’s heart rate further increasing. Apparently his answer hadn’t been the right one.

“You said you’d talk to her, Matt!” Foggy yelled. “You told me you were going to apologize and make things up to her! You told me that!”

Of course this was about you.

“Fog, I’ve been trying to reach out to her,” he replied calmly, trying to soothe his friend’s anger. “I’ve called her countless times over the past couple of weeks. I’ve left her multiple messages. She keeps ignoring me and not answering my calls. Clearly she doesn’t want to hear what I have to say. There’s nothing I can do about that.”

Foggy scoffed loudly, angrily shaking his head. “There’s nothing you can do about that?” he shot back sarcastically. “Are you serious? Dammit, Matt!”

Matt heard the way Foggy’s hand swiftly rose from the desk, swinging through the air towards himself. Matt’s hand twitched from its place on the desk out of instinct, ready to dart out and grab Foggy’s wrist, but he was stunned when his friend actually landed a hit upside his head. 

“What the hell, Fog?” Matt snapped, scooting back in his desk chair as he ran a hand over the sore spot on his temple. “What’d you hit me for?”

“Honestly, I–I’m surprised you even let me do that,” Foggy said, his anger briefly replaced by surprise. “Figured you would’ve stopped me before I could.”

“Well I didn’t think you were actually going to hit me!” Matt shot back. “Why the hell did you hit me?”

“Because I’m pissed at you, Matt!” Foggy roared, anger quickly returning. “And I’m disappointed in you! You damn well know you could show up at her apartment if she’s not answering your calls. You’re just making excuses.”

“Show up and do what, Fog?” Matt retorted. “Force her to talk to me when she clearly wants nothing to do with me? Hurt both of us even more by forcing that interaction? It’s probably better if she goes on hating me anyway. She’ll move on faster, at least.”

Foggy’s hand flew to the bridge of his nose, pinching it between his fingers. Matt heard the sharp hiss of his frustration between his gritted teeth. Seeing how upset Foggy was had Matt quickly beginning to question just why he was so worked up over this situation. It was between you and him, after all. Why did Foggy want you to apologize and talk this badly?

“Just promise me you’ll go over there and physically talk to her, okay?” Foggy said, his anger barely restrained. “That you’ll offer her a proper apology and talk to her?”

Matt shifted in his seat, his eyes once again narrowing behind his lenses. “Why is this so important to you?” he asked carefully. “It’s been a few weeks now, why are you still so adamant that we talk?”

“Because,” Foggy said, his fingers releasing his nose as his hand lowered to his side, “I know how important it is for the both of you. And I also know how stubborn and idiotic you can be. Someone needs to kick you in the ass before you make a big mistake an even bigger one. So just promise me you’ll talk to her.”

Matt’s tongue slipped out between his lips, nervously wetting them. After a moment he nodded, hearing the way Foggy’s heart rate started to gradually decrease back to its normal pace.

“Yeah, alright,” he assured his friend. “I’ll talk to her.”

“And I mean soon, Matt,” Foggy pressed. “Not in another few weeks.”

“Okay,” he agreed, nodding again. “Okay, I’ll go talk to her. I promise.”

[zurgles]

Tarot Reading 6

Deck: Ophidia Rosa tarot

Question: What do I need more of in my life?

Card: Page of Wands

Resources used: Numinous tarot guidebook, learntarot.com, esoteric meanings

I mentioned I’d say if rifle shuffling was ok with this deck, and it is. :)

I’ll add the little poem from the LWB about this card.

“We have the power of beauty and skill to take flight, but we’re stuck between forces where the choice is the fight.”

I’m not sure what to make of the image other than moths are attracted to flame and go through metamorphosis. I don’t know what sort of flower that is, but I know the princess of wands in the thoth deck has roses. And crystals can be seen as a sort of wand.

The poem I’m not sure about. The first part fits the page of wands for me but the latter confuses me. Is it the making of the choice that’s the fight, or are they being forced to fight? I guess an element of the wands suit is fighting for your vision.

To me the page of wands is an enthusiastic, sometimes young, person who has great ideas but maybe little attention span or focus. Or they’re excited about a particular idea and have a vision and are super enthusiastic about it and talk it up up and down but might not be altogether realistic or aware of what they need for their vision to manifest in reality. They might feel willing to endure whatever hardships it takes to get there but are a little naive about what it actually entails. They’re passionate. They might be good at advertising. They might be underground, or an outsider artist, or a burgeoning band’s member. These are just some ideas. They might be more in love with the idea stage and come up with a lot of them but haven’t committed to an idea yet, hopping from project to project. They might be a messenger of an idea to you, maybe someone who says “you should totally do xyz.” They’re an excited person.

I think the thoth princess of wands might be different but l’ll get there later.

I think what I might need more of in my life is to embody the Page’s enthusiasm in my endeavors. To not be turned off by the obstacles and setbacks I might encounter and instead be excited by the idea itself so that it carries me forward. Maybe even letting myself be inspired by multiple ideas and envisioning different potential futures until I find one that really clicks? Like “wouldn’t it be cool if I did this? or this?”

Let’s see what the numinous guidebook says.

There’s fireflies being attracted to the light of a candle the person is holding in the card. Maybe the moth in the Ophidia Rosa being attracted to the light can be symbolic of being attracted to what inspires you. The guidebook mentions the page (Dreamer in the numinous deck) is not afraid to start new things (even if they have trouble finishing them). Maybe I shouldn’t be afraid to start new things too. It also mentions it being important to not be surrounded by naysayers and critics and find likeminded people.

Let’s go to learntarot.com.

The keywords are be creative, enthusiastic, confident, courageous. It mentions saying yes I can, taking risks, using your art, overcoming a fear, focusing on success, and more. It echos what’s been said here.

Let’s go to esoteric meanings (website) to see the Thoth card’s take on the princess of wands.

“The need to express yourself fully without fears holding you back. A time to be courageous”

She has a tiger that she’s dragging by the tail symbolizing the fears she’s tamed.

I think going back to the little poem in the LWB, the fight could be fighting your fears and not letting them hold you back from showing your beauty and taking flight.

I think not being afraid to try new things and not letting my fears hold me back, are good messages for me to take away from this.

I think that’s good for now.