#you know the ' you took everything from me ' ' i dont even know who you are ' yeah
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luvoooenha · 2 days ago
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Lucky charm!
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Pairing- Boyfriend! Jake x Girlfriend! Y/N
Summary- Jake, the top soccer player at UNI, always relied on Y/N’s support—until a huge argument left him distracted before a big game. Without her in the stands, he struggled to play, missing shots and worrying his team. Realizing how much he needed her, a teammate called Y/N, who debated but ultimately showed up, looking her best. The moment Jake saw her, his focus returned, and he played like himself again. After the game, they made up, proving that Y/N was truly his lucky charm.
Warnings- FLUFF, FLUFF, FLUFF, anger, angst, arguments, happy couple… (jokes! Not really)
Word count- 1.8k
plsplsplsplsplspls dont copyyy my work!
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“You don’t get it, Y/N!” Jake’s voice was sharp, frustration thick in every word.
“Then explain it to me, Jake! Because right now, it feels like I’m the only one trying.” Y/N’s arms were crossed tightly over her chest, her voice shaking between anger and hurt.
Jake let out a humorless laugh, running a hand through his hair. “You think I don’t care? That I don’t appreciate you?”
Y/N exhaled sharply. “Jake, I’ve been to every single game, every late-night practice, every stupid press conference where they ask you the same questions. And not once have I ever complained.” Her voice broke slightly, but she pushed on. “But the second I bring up how I feel, I’m the bad guy?”
He opened his mouth, but no words came out. The look in her eyes—raw and filled with unshed tears—made his chest tighten.
“I can’t keep doing this if you don’t want me here, Jake.”
His stomach twisted. That wasn’t what he wanted at all. But his stupid pride got in the way, and instead of telling her the truth—that he needed her more than anything—he muttered, “Maybe it’s better that way.”
The second the words left his lips, he wanted to take them back.
Y/N’s face fell, her jaw tightening as she nodded slowly. “Okay.”
And just like that, she turned and walked away.
Jake stood frozen, watching her disappear into the night.
He had just made the biggest mistake of his life.
-
The silence between them was louder than anything Jake had ever experienced.
Y/N hadn’t texted. Hadn’t called. Hadn’t shown up to practice.
Jake told himself he was fine. That he could focus better without distractions. But when game day rolled around, it hit him like a freight train.
He jogged onto the field, scanning the stands on instinct. But the seat where she always sat—third row, left side, just behind the team bench—was empty.
His stomach clenched.
He tried to shake it off as the game started, but his body wouldn’t cooperate. His passes were off. His speed felt sluggish. Every shot he took either hit the post, went wide, or was blocked by the keeper.
The frustration built with every mistake, weighing him down like lead.
The final whistle blew, and UNI had lost. Jake barely heard the post-game speech from his coach, too busy replaying every missed opportunity in his head.
When he got back to the locker room, he didn’t even bother taking off his cleats right away. He just sat there, elbows resting on his knees, staring at the floor.
Jay, his closest teammate, nudged him. “Dude. What’s going on?”
Jake exhaled slowly. “Nothing. Just an off day.”
Jay scoffed. “Nah, man. This is more than that. I’ve never seen you play like this.” He paused. “It’s Y/N, isn’t it?”
Jake didn’t answer.
Jay sighed. “Look, I don’t know what happened, but it’s obvious you’re a wreck without her.”
Jake clenched his jaw. “She’s probably better off.”
Jay rolled his eyes. “Yeah? Then why do you keep looking for her in the stands?”
Jake said nothing.
Jay grabbed his phone. “I’m texting her.”
Jake should’ve stopped him. Should’ve told him to leave it alone.
But he didn’t.
Y/N sat on her bed, knees pulled to her chest, as she mindlessly scrolled through her camera roll. Each swipe brought a new memory, a new reminder of everything she and Jake had been before it all fell apart.
There was a photo of him grinning at her during one of their late-night study sessions, his notes forgotten as he balanced a pencil between his nose and upper lip, trying to make her laugh. She had rolled her eyes at the time, but she could still remember the way her stomach had fluttered when he looked at her like she was the best part of his world.
Another picture—Jake, covered in sweat but grinning like a fool after a big win, his arm slung lazily around her shoulders. She had been laughing, caught mid-cheer, his jersey draped over her like a second skin. She had been so proud of him. She always was.
And then, one of her favorites—a candid shot of them from a lazy Sunday morning. Jake, shirtless and half-asleep, stealing bites of her breakfast as she swatted at his hand, laughing at his shamelessness. His hair had been a mess, his eyes still heavy with sleep, but he had looked at her like she was the only thing that mattered.
Y/N’s chest ached.
She missed him. More than she wanted to admit.
Her fingers hovered over his contact, the familiar urge to text him creeping in. But then, like a cruel reminder, his words echoed in her head.
"Maybe it’s better that way."
She swallowed the lump in her throat, locking her phone. If that was what he wanted, then fine. She wouldn’t be the one to break first.
But then, as if the universe was laughing at her stubbornness, her phone buzzed.
Jay: Jake’s a mess. He needs you. Badly.
Her heart clenched.
She should ignore it. He was the one who pushed her away. He was the one who made her feel like she didn’t matter.
But… if that were true, why was he struggling so much?
Y/N exhaled slowly, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Her expression was unreadable, but her eyes betrayed her, filled with something she wasn’t ready to name yet.
She could walk away. Let Jake figure this out on his own. Prove to herself that she didn’t need him as much as he needed her.
But that was a lie.
Because no matter how angry or hurt she was… she still loved him.
And she wasn’t sure she ever wouldn’t.
With a resigned sigh, she grabbed her jacket and touched up her makeup.
If she was going, she was going to make an entrance.
She headed out the door, her heart pounding.
Jake needed her.
And whether she liked it or not… she needed him too.
-
Jake jogged onto the field, his mind clouded with doubt.
His body felt heavy, his nerves shot. The last few games had been a disaster, and the weight of failure clung to him like a storm he couldn’t outrun. He tried to shake it off, stretching his arms and bouncing on his feet, but nothing felt right.
Then, instinctively, he looked toward the stands.
And everything stopped.
His breath hitched. His heart stuttered.
Y/N was there.
Sitting in her usual spot—third row, left side, just behind the team bench.
Jake blinked, half-convinced he was imagining it. But no, it was real. She was real.
And damn, she looked good.
Her hair was styled just the way he liked, her makeup subtle but stunning. She wore his favorite shade, the one he always said made her eyes stand out, and even from across the field, he could see the way her lips curved in something between challenge and amusement.
She came.
A rush of energy shot through his veins, the kind he hadn’t felt since before she left. His pulse pounded, but this time, it wasn’t from nerves—it was from something deeper, something electric.
His lucky charm had returned.
And just like that, everything clicked back into place.
The whistle blew, and Jake was unstoppable.
Every pass was precise, every shot powerful. He weaved through defenders with the confidence he’d been missing, his movements sharp and deliberate. The frustration that had been drowning him for days melted away, replaced by pure instinct.
And every time he scored, he didn’t look at the scoreboard. He didn’t look at his teammates.
He looked at her.
Y/N sat there, arms crossed, trying to look unimpressed. But he saw the way her lips twitched, the way her fingers tapped against her thigh. She was proud of him—he knew it.
By the final whistle, UNI had secured the win. The crowd erupted in cheers, his teammates swarming him with congratulations, but Jake barely acknowledged any of it.
His eyes were locked on her.
Without a second thought, he sprinted toward the stands, pushing past the crowd. Y/N had already started making her way down toward the field, and when she stopped in front of him, they just stood there, staring at each other.
For the first time in days, Jake could breathe again.
“I was an idiot.” His voice was breathless, raw. “I didn’t mean any of it, Y/N. I was just—” He exhaled sharply, running a hand through his sweat-damp hair. “I was scared. Of how much I need you.”
Y/N raised an eyebrow, arms still crossed. “Yeah? I figured, considering how hard you flopped without me.”
Jake huffed out a laugh, shaking his head. “I deserved that.”
“Damn right, you did.”
A small smile tugged at her lips, but Jake didn’t miss the way her tough exterior wavered, the way her eyes softened just slightly.
He took a step closer. “Y/N, I mean it. I never should’ve pushed you away.” His voice dropped to something quieter, more vulnerable. “You’re everything to me.”
She sighed, finally uncrossing her arms. “Jake… you can’t shut me out when things get hard. That’s not how this works.”
“I know,” he admitted, his gaze never leaving hers. “And I won’t. Ever again.”
Y/N studied him for a long moment, and then, finally, she sighed in defeat. “You’re lucky I like you, Sim.”
Relief crashed over him, and before she could say anything else, he closed the distance, wrapping his arms arowund her and pulling her in tight.
She hesitated for half a second before melting into him, her arms circling his waist.
Jake buried his face in her hair, inhaling the familiar scent of her perfume, and everything felt right again. “I missed you,” he murmured.
“I know,” she teased, voice muffled against his jersey. “I could tell from your embarrassing game stats.”
He chuckled, pulling back just enough to look at her. “Guess I need you to keep me in check.”
“Clearly.”
Jake reached up, brushing his thumb over her cheek, his voice softer now. “So… does this mean you’ll be at the next game?”
Y/N smirked. “As long as you keep winning.”
He grinned, pressing a kiss to her forehead before whispering, “Then I guess I have no choice.”
Because she wasn’t just his biggest supporter.
She was his lucky charm.
isa note! - lallalala first story!!! lalalall so excited! lalalalalla
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taglist~ @firstclassjaylee
if wanted to be tag plspslplspsls let me know! 💗
© luvoooenha on tumblr 2024-2025. please don’t copy, repost, or translate my works! feedback and reblogs are appreciated :)
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rouge-the-bat · 2 days ago
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yo would anyone be able to help out and send me and my girlfriend ( @ashtwinproject22 ) some money for some kitty-wellness?
TLDR; we need help to get 3 female stray cats fixed asap as its mating season, and get one of my cats lump checked at a vet before fixing him too. this all can cost anywhere from approx $157 to $253+ the unknown price for potentially removing the lump. if you can help, my girlfriend's cashapp is $nalathequeen2186 and paypal is @nalathequeen2186 !
(also please check the reblogs when you can, in case i have any updates about prices, if we reach the amount we need, changes to the situation, etc. will also show updates of the kitties when we can get them fixed/to the vet, to prove were getting it all done!)
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the strays weve been trying to help out ⬆️
my sweet silly boy with the lump (ft. me) ⬇️
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full explanation under the cut:
one of my brothers and his girlfriend moved in with us until they can find a place, and they brought over the cats that were living under their house that theyve helped take care of, but theyre mostly stray, and unfortunately my brother is very "let nature run its course" about outside cats 🙄
its 3 sister mama cats, and we already took in their 3 surviving babies, and have gotten 2 of the babies fixed and have the 3rd one scheduled to be fixed in less than a week. so atm, we have 7 cats in this house, and as much as i would love to, we just cant take in the 3 mamas as well, even though theyre incredibly sweet.
im unsure what our full plan will be about the 3 mamas, especially since im unsure what my brothers plans with them will be once he and his gf move back out (were not exactly on speaking terms right now since hes been a total piece of shit about me and my gf struggling with mentall illness- which he doesnt even believe is real 🙄🙄🙄). im hoping we can get them nice homes, but at least for now were wanting to get the three of them fixed so there wont be more stray cats, and especially not more kitties dying out there. and unfortunately, mating season slipped my mind and is now upon us, so we REALLY need to get these mamas fixed ASAP.
and in addition to that, one of my cats has this large-ish lump on his right side that were wanting to get checked out, and get him fixed as well. i suspect that its nothing serious, considering it doesnt seem to cause him any issues- he'll even lay on it without a problem- but im worried about it nonetheless, and we'll need to get it checked out and potentially removed before we can get him fixed in case it could cause complications during the neutering.
unfortunately, as you can imagine since im making this post, we dont really have the money for this. my mom, who we live with, rarely has much extra money and certainly doesnt atm, and me and my girlfriend have been struggling with too many mental health issues- and for her, physical health issues as well- to get a job for a while now. things will be improving soon now that we have adhd diagnoses, but my gfs insurance is dragging its feet to finally get her adhd medication approved, and i only JUST finally got my own a few days ago, and am basically playing extreme catch-up with trying to get stuff done around the house right now and help out my mom more.
im really not sure exactly how much everything will amount to, but so far ive figured up getting all 3 mamas fixed should be either about $75 if a certain program the spay/neuter clinic nearby has for strays/ferals can be used, or if not itll be between $111-171, and getting just an exam to check out my cats lump would be around $55, and i dont know how much a potential fixing/removal of the lump could be as i cant get an estimate until hes examined. then itll be $27 to get him neutered.
so if this is all right, and were able to use the program, theres no health risk with the lump, and no other additional charges for anything else, all of this can cost about $157 or so as the minimum, OR it could be around $253 PLUS however much it may cost to fix up the lump.
(also as a bonus pic, heres the 3 precious babies we took in that the mamas were collectively taking care of. theyre living a nice cozy indoor life now and are very happy and SO sweet <3)
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blossomzip · 20 hours ago
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realized i could not fit all my screaming in the tags—and because you took the time to compile thirteen poems you deserve screaming for all thirteen of them!! (actually this is highkey incoherent but......hay)
Isn't Every Love Poem an Unfinished Love Poem?, Cristin O'Keefe Aptowicz — from seungcheol
“praise the caps / of your shoulders, my lips / pressed against them.” is sooooo work song!csc coded and im on my knees. Love that art would stop in its tracks for when it appears. HELP ME. (AND THE WAY THE POEM JUST CUTS OFF W ONE LINE AT THE LAST STANZA LIKE ITS UNFINISHED RAHHHH)
If I Had Three Lives, Sarah Russell — from jeonghan
“to remember what skin feels like / when it’s alive.” quoting kae, is this not yjh!!!! this poem feels like the evil twin of better half, esp: “And I’d wonder sometimes / if I’d ever find you.” (when I come after u kae I too know your govt name and where u live WAG AKO)
True Love, Sharon Olds — from joshua
Again, this feels like ur hozier js fic (worship in the bedroom) (I love the u/ylangelegy cinematic universe!!) oh to love a joshua who is also your best friend, to be so comfortable with all aspects of life, spiritual, carnal, romantic, etc. “I cannot see beyond it. I cannot see beyond it.” Because this is everything already!! The most blessed time of [his] life!!!! (dont even get me started on the religious implications of that word choice vis a vis christian boy jisoo)
February & my love is in another state, José Olivarez — from junhui
The way this got me gagged from the first line—“when I walk down the street, I hold hands / with the wind.” JUNHUI MY SWEET MAN……. “sky so honey, I could almost taste it.” [wailing] JUNHUIIIII……. jun giving you a poem with “stay with me.” BYE I CANT DO THIS RN. in love & in solitude.....my wen junhui.......
Variations on the Word Love, Margaret Atwood — from soonyoung
Imagine ksy giving u this poem and it’s your first read ,, youre like 😦🙁 at the first half LMAOOO my guy is gonna be like JUST HEAR ME OUT— until u get to the second half. (Then there’s the two / of us.) ;; Ohhhmylord: “this word is not enough but it will / have to do.” “in wonder / and pain, a breath, a finger / grip on a cliffside.” Fall, but not into fear; into love. my ksy who stands tall in the face of fear etc
The Leash, Ada Limón — from wonwoo
a jww x ada limon poetry alignment with “I want to say: Don’t die.” and “Don’t die, I say,” SHOULD BE A PUNISHABLE OFFENSE. WHAT DO U MEANNNNN. KAEEE WHEN I CATCH YOU!!!! “Perhaps we are always hurtling our body towards / the thing that will obliterate us, begging for love / from the speeding passage of time” IF JWW GAVE ME THIS POEM I WOULD SOB. oh to love with eyes wide open, to see disaster in the world yet remain tender. (intrusive thought: apocalypse au jww)
You Do Not Have To Love Me, Leonard Cohen — from jihoon
LJH AND LEONARD COHEN DO U WANT ME TO DIEEEEEE. imagine a songwriter gifting you a poem from another songwriter I WANT TO DIE (2). the title alone is so jihoon. “while I am still / the many men who love you” oh my ljh you are both one of a kind and a man of multitudes. “I prayed that you would love me / and that you would not love me” STOP IT RNNN!!!! why is this so in the mood for love coded. 
Watching you talk on the phone, I consider the empty space around atoms–, Rhiannon McGavin — from seokmin
lsm + domestic intimacy in the kitchen. so u want me to pass away. “I am enough / of you to warrant this flavor of intimacy” hit me harder than it had any right to YES YOU ARE ENOUGH OF ME LEE SEOKMIN MY LOVELY SUNSHINE BOY…..the last three lines (YOU’D CREATE ANOTHER UNIVERSE) has me running laps cos when will I get an everyday kind of romance…..bonus: w lee seokmin……..[nurse may baliw po]
O Small Sad Ecstasy of Love, Anne Carson — from mingyu
First of all. KIM MINGYU AND AN ANNE CARSON POEM HAS TO BE A CRIME. “I did a road trip / all over my mind and heart / and / there you were” is so uklg “all journey is return” coded . WITH YOUR LITTLE TOOLKIT / FIXING SOMETHING. Stop It . mingyu being both the clumsy type and one who shows love by acts of service (cooking, cleaning, helping his members etc) ++ THIS. all journey is return and I will find you quietly building and rebuilding and repairing!!!
The Quiet World, Jeffrey McDaniel — from minghao
in my head this is the lost in translation couple coded u cannot argue w me. the title alone?!?!!?!? hao saving his words for his most precious person…I rmr thinking of him as the most mysterious member even at the start so this is just Doing Something for me… being gifted a poem by hao with “I slowly whisper I love you / thirty-two and a third times.” (firm believer that his last word would be YOU—not i or love but YOU!!!! bc u are his love [wails])…… oh my xu minghao you are so dear to me…..your love is as steadfast as the sunrise
A Walk Round the Park, Sandra Lim — from seungkwan
“I laugh, because the pleasure was earned // yet vouchsafed, / and I made room for what was dead past and what // yet didn’t // exist.” MAN. what a line for bsk ,, oh to love and fast forward to the good part, knowing that you have endured the hardships!! “I was not always kind, but I // was clear.” IS SOOOO HIM !!! #1 communicator bsk (who will always try to be kind but will not always succeed, but oh he tries to clarify himself always)
Guilty of Dust, Frank Bidart — from vernon
LISTENNNN i love the thought of Vernon gravitating toward contemporary poetry—esp the more experimental ones in format. AND THIS POEM CHOICEEEEEEE!! kae I love your brain. “forgetful of my very self so often I / desired to die to myself to live in them” is this not chwe vernon coded. the thought of vernon gifting WHAT YOU LOVE IS YOUR FATE and you are each other’s love (and therefore fate) bye I rly cant do this.
First Date, Megan Williams — from chan
A first date poem for chan are u kidding me. also the imagery of this is reminding me of that one time he was on a show n he met up w and drove (?) a carat as part of a segment and . im not okay. “The bridges in this city are famous & / terrible. My love is too.” + “All my / life, I’ve been pivoting to emptiness.” LEE CHAN GET BEHIND ME…… but the thought of chan gifting you a poem w “I want the warmth of your gaze to / convince me that living is worth the / discomfort.” + “…is a small price to pay for a hand in mine.” is SOOOOO…!!!! love in the every day…to bear discomfort, not to say it disappears with a lover's presence, but simply that discomfort is made worth it.....dont touch me rn.
svt & love poems they'd give you.
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★ footnotes: decided to marry the two halves of my heart this valentine's: svt and poetry. this is unashamedly inspired by the brilliant @heartepub, whose constant intersection of svt x poetry inspires me to no end. viv, you are an entire poem in itself; i would give you all the pretty words in the world, if i could. + happy carat day, everyone!
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seungcheol ★ Isn't Every Love Poem an Unfinished Love Poem?, Cristin O'Keefe Aptowicz
Praise the caps of your shoulders, my lips pressed against them.
Praise the poem I was trying to finish when you showed up
at my door.
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jeonghan ★ If I Had Three Lives, Sarah Russell
If I had three lives, I'd marry you in two. The other? Perhaps that life over there at Starbucks, sitting alone, writing—a memoir, maybe a novel or this poem. […] I'd walk the beach at sunrise, find perfect shell spirals and study pockmarks water makes in sand. And I'd wonder sometimes if I'd ever find you.
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joshua ★ True Love, Sharon Olds
I quietly call to you and you come and hold my hand and I say I cannot see beyond it. I cannot see beyond it.
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junhui ★ February & my love is in another state, José Olivarez
stay with me. while the sky is still golden, hold the ladder so i can climb, & from the highest rung, i can scrape away a drizzle of light to wear around my neck. alone
is the star i follow. in love & in solitude: alone is the home with the warmest glow.
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soonyoung ★ Variations on the Word Love, Margaret Atwood
This word is far too short for us, it has only four letters, too sparse to fill those deep bare vacuums between the stars that press on us with their deafness. It's not love we don't wish to fall into, but that fear. this word is not enough but it will have to do.
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wonwoo ★ The Leash, Ada Limón
But sometimes, I swear I hear it, the wound closing like a rusted-over garage door, and I can still move my living limbs into the world without too much pain, can still marvel at how the dog runs straight toward the pickup trucks break-necking down the road, because she thinks she loves them, because she’s sure, without a doubt, that the loud roaring things will love her back,
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jihoon ★ You Do Not Have To Love Me, Leonard Cohen
I wrote all these songs for you I burned red and black candles shaped like a man and a woman I married the smoke of two pyramids of sandalwood I prayed for you I prayed that you would love me and that you would not love me
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seokmin ★ Watching you talk on the phone, I consider the empty space around atoms–, Rhiannon McGavin
To make my birthday cake from scratch, you wouldn’t just plant strawberries: you’d create another universe. I wanted you
warm and close as fresh laundry and here we are, Tuesday. Of course you love me, you’re wearing one of my socks.
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mingyu ★ O Small Sad Ecstasy of Love, Anne Carson
I did a road trip all over my mind and heart and there you were kneeling by the roadside with your little toolkit fixing something.
Give me a world, you have taken the world I was.
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minghao ★ The Quiet World, Jeffrey McDaniel
Late at night, I call my long distance lover, proudly say I only used fifty-nine today. I saved the rest for you.
When she doesn’t respond, I know she’s used up all her words, so I slowly whisper I love you thirty-two and a third times.
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seungkwan ★ A Walk Round the Park, Sandra Lim
We did not say much to each other but
we grinned, because this love was so good you sucked the
rib bones
and I licked my fingers like a cat.
Now I’m omniscient. I’m going to skip past
the hard
parts that go on for a very long time.
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vernon ★ Guilty of Dust, Frank Bidart
the voice in my head said
LOVE IS THE DISTANCE BETWEEN YOU AND WHAT YOU LOVE
WHAT YOU LOVE IS YOUR FATE
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chan ★ First Date, Megan Williams
I want the warmth of your gaze to convince me that living is worth the discomfort. That other people can like me. That the bottlenecked bridge full of squealing tires & suckers who can't merge is a small price to pay for a hand in mine.
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againaweasel · 23 days ago
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You've probably spoken about this before but... thoughts on Fenrir Greyback and his relationship w/ Remus?
Oooh thank you for the ask! This one kinda got away from me so brace yourself for a hell of a yap 😌
I dont think they had anything that could be construed as a relationship at all. At least not majorly 🙂‍↕️ And I don’t mean romantic (but very much also that), I mean any kind of contact beyond across a battle field or when Greyback came along to the camp when Remus was a spy. Obviously Remus despises him but that’s where it stops.
Remus is one of many children that Greyback bites, he’s only notable and allowed at school because he has no contact with Greyback. He’s special for that and nothing else. The kids that greyback raises matter far more to greyback and the cause he’s working towards…because they’re actually involved.
The yap continues under the cut
I think it’s unlikely that greyback would have any where near as strong feelings about Remus as Remus has about him. He might find it funny to mess with Remus on the very rare occasion they were in the same place, but that’s kinda it. There’s too many other children and adults he bit and brainwashed to bother with one random kid he bit like 30 years ago.
But Remus would utterly despise him even before he knew it was greyback who bit him. He’d be horrified and sickened at the prospect of being anything like him, and then destroyed at the idea that his lycanthropy came from him. But for the most part Greyback represents everything Remus fears about himself, far more than he’s someone Remus knows personally and dislikes. Greyback is like an awful political figure for Remus the way that Umbridge is, relatively out of reach but all the more hated for it. Even tho Remus is a direct victim of Greyback.
There’s a very real possibility that they only spoke a handful of times across a battle field (like the Lightning Struck Tower) because neither Remus nor Greyback give any inclination otherwise 🤷
And I kinda like that. It is a disgusting kind of evil to leave the destruction in his wake as Greyback did over and over again and not care about it. To him, Remus was just another success story because it punished someone (Lyall) who pissed him off.
To Remus it was a life altering event, one he’d never really recover from the trauma of.
To Greyback it was a Thursday.
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theokusgallery · 2 months ago
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I hate that I have reoccurring themes in everything I make. YES this guy has a complex over the fact that everyone prefers his sibling AGAIN. YES he was ostracized by his peers since he was in primary school and never knew why until years later. URGH
#i dont know why the siblings thing ends up coming up as often as it does (read: i know exactly why) but uuurggh#do you ever. have an inside joke with your sibling that your abusive dad prefers you over them and it's so established it's casual banter#but everyone you've ever tried to be sincere with (your mother; your peers) have consistantly preferred your sibling over you#even your own friends and kids who were closer to your age range than theirs#do you ever have a conversation with your best friend where they tell you that at first they didn't want to be friends with you#because you were ''too Weird''#do you ever get praised by a friend who says she envied you in middle school because you ''never cared about being different''#meanwhile you had no idea you were different and just couldn't fucking fix it#it took me that to understand that people avoided me because i was Weird. i thought the reason i had no friends was bc i was shy#that and the fact that i Didnt Know What Was Socially Acceptable Or Not and other kids were scared of me bc i was ''to blunt''#i have learned to value honesty over nearly everything else but that's only because i wish everyone else did the same.#literally everything i write has a main protagonist with low to no emotional empathy. like. ok#every character i write has that thing where they always felt like they were a monster for not feeling the right things. mh#i wonder how that might reflect on how my whole world came crashing down once i realised emotional empathy is A Real Thing#and not just a lie people made up for virtue signaling#''there's no way people /literally/ feel sad /for/ other people. they just know rationally that it's bad'' deep sigh.#anyway thats why i will never shut up about the fact that empathy is morally neutral and not a prerequisite for being a ''''good person''''#emotions are morally neutral. thats why we say all emotions are valid. thats why thought crimes aren't real#in short: you will pry human!au no empathy janus and autistic remus from my cold dead hands#i have. so many fucking thoughts.#janus is literally JUST like ME for REAL#except for the lying mostly because i !!! taught myself out of that#THE AMOUNT OF WORK I HAVE DONE ON MYSELF. I HAVE CLAWED MY WAY OUT OF THE TRENCHES OF MENTAL ILLNESS ON MY OWN AND I AM PROUD OF THAT#MAYBE it's because i can never open up to anyone ever BUT it's also because im SKILLED and SWAG and SELF-AWARE and THE BEST EVER. and MODEST#rant#the tag rambler strikes again . apologies
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dent-de-leon · 8 days ago
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TAZ Ethersea my beloved.....
#was thinking of all the god stuff in c 3 and for some reason it just made me remember how much I LOVED griffin's portrayal of gods#and magic in that world they all built together--#magic being drawn from these ancient 'relics' that are just...the bones and corpses of dead gods--#everything starts with the end of the world. but the world has ended before. over and over. and continues to because its a vicious#cycle. and people are too dependent on magic and a 'god' to let go of it--even when it keeps polluting the world#'gods' just being the survivors of the previous world that didn't make it. the last remnants of a world that is completely alien now#the 'gods' who tried to stop a never ending cycle from continuing to corrupt the world around them. the 'god' who decided that they#would still gift the people of this new world magic regardless even when they know it means the beginning of the end#all the fascinating different factions and how they tried to deal with a world that was falling part and how you rebuild after#the people who saw what their god had done and decided to walk away and abandon everything they know. to try again and start over--#build something better than the kingdom that had forsaken them--#the kingdom on the plateau who were very religious and believed they could 'ascend' to this other world to escape the end. the way#they took everyone with them regardless of whether or not they wanted to leave that plane. those who tried to stay behind lingering#as these ghosts and spirits. trying so hard to reconnect to the world they were torn from#the grand magical city of hominime managing to escape with their god's blessing. but their getaway is also ultimately what dooms#everyone else they left behind--#the CAMBRIA arc!!#brother seldom and all the religious trauma that went into that ending#this got too long but. i have so many feelings about ethersea id love to see more of it someday--#the worldbuilding is just so fascinating to me#I dont know where i was really going with this but like. even when we see some of the awful things Pelor has done. There are all these#other facets to him. He genuinely cares for mortals just as he cares for his immortal family. Ayden being proof that he can#change and wants to change and being this side of him that still has so much idealism and hope and has not yet been hardened#by the world#Benevolence Adventure Zone however i would fist fight in the ocean--
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my-thoughts-and-junk · 6 months ago
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thinking about fallout 4 against my will
#random thoughts#fallout#unfortunately nora compels me#the fact the 'hi honey!' tape specifically mentions her 'shaking the dust off' her law degree is interesting#like she gave up her job to stay at home with her husband and kid. why?#like that's a whole year. at LEAST.#love the idea of nate pressuring her into it <3 maternity leave turns into 'isnt it so nice being with sean around the clock?'#'too bad you won't have this quality time when you return to work'#turns into 'you can always return to work if you feel like it but we DO have a lot saved up . . .'#and it's like. okay so fallout 4 would be so much better if it were set in the 1960s. literally no reason it shouldnt be#yknow beyond complying with lore which. it isnt that faithful to in the first place#i just think it's weird the game is like 'here's the FUTURE' and then it's like 'here's the FUTURE FUTURE'#anyway make it the 1960s. give me time-appropriate fucked up family dynamics#and nora's a laywer and a feminist who promised herself she'd never compromise her career for a man#and nate seemed so NICE and like he understood until uh oh. frog in a slow cooker#and he makes everything seem like it's her idea until she's barefoot in the kitchen with a screaming baby on her hip and burnt food in a pan#and she doesn't even realize she's trapped until it's too late. isolated from friends and family#idk ill do more research later to make it more time-accurate (ESPECIALLY interested in second-wave feminism)#anyway i think she cheats. with a door-to-door salesman selling places in the bomb shelters#(honestly probably the only adult social interaction she's had in weeks beyond her husband)#i like to think at some point she had a bit of a car accident due to the stress so nate took her keys#probably just a minor fender bender he blew out of proportion but she believes it because oh god what if she hurt sean#her feelings toward sean are complicated. i dont think she quite loves him which she feels guilty about so she overcompensates#with trying to keep him as safe as possible and she feels like he KNOWS and HATES her#(honestly when the bombs drop everything happens so quickly and when she's in the future and registers sean's gone she feels. so relieved)#(followed by heavy shame)#nate sabotaged her birth control btw. love evil 1960s patriarchs#never outright stated but heavily implied!#anyway nora in the future (while she felt very progressive for her time) feels very out of place#like her ideals have no place. like she has no place
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vampmilf · 8 months ago
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hold on im still too mad at this one fucking guest to take a nap i need to be a hater for a minute
#so when i say hell on earth kinda day i mean HELL ON EARTH kinda day#we had a large bus travel group from slovakia and then some other guests and it was almost a hundred people for breakfast#the bus group all came at the same time they descended onto the buffet like fucking seagulls i swearrrrr#and i divided tasks like i had two helpers with me in the kitchen so one guys job was just to gather dirty dishes + washing + taking clean#ones back out#and the other guy running around the buffet checking whats needed + restockjng the cold food + telling me all the hot stuff that needs#refilling. so i was in the kitchen making all the hot foods on constant rotation + chopping fruits and making smoothies and shit#and like we managed. WE MANAGED. the buffet was never even half empty at any point like yes there was always something that was empty but#dude who cares if the vanilla yoghurt is empty for 5 mins just pick something else.#and everyone was happy with their breakfast and really nice when asking if we have more of this and that etc and then there was one lady#this ONE FUCKINGGGG lady i swear i almost threw hands#she was complaining about everythinggggggggggg#about there not being any more fried eggs (already in the pan. done in 2 mins. but when helper nr2 told her that she said well why did we#run put in the first place) about the bread station being full of crumbs like girl its BREAD. my giy was running up and down the buffet#wiping it off and cleaning as fast as he could but if you allow people to cut their own bread there will be fucking crumbs. the fuck.#then she also didnt like how the butter looked bc OBV people kept using the butter and no matter how many times you go in and make it look#neat again as soon as the next person takes some it will not look picture perfect anymore#like while i was running back and forth restocking stuff with my arms full she TOOK MY ARM and pointed at things and was like#'this looks shit' so does your fucking face but you dont see me getting physical about it#and then when i came out with a big tray of fresh glasses and cups she pointed to where someone had spilled some water at the dispenser and#went 'there is water on the buffet' (far away from any food + literally its just water) and i said 'yes i know' and she goes 'well it doesnt#look very appealing. this is the worst buffet ive ever seen' and i go 'well surely you have seen how busy we are' and she FUCKING GOES#'i dont care. i paid money for this.' and i go 'well that makes two of us for not caring. we'll get to it when we have the time.' and she#said something else idk what bc i was finished with my task and had SHIT TO DO BC PPL WERE STILL EATING#so i just turned and ran back to the kitchen to keep working#actually i got back to the kitchen and said to guy nr1 'i need to go punch something' and then went out the back and started kicking the#shit out of a pile of paper boxes and THEN i continued working#and then she started TAKING PICTURES of everything she didnt like of the buffet like full offense i hope she gets hit by a bus#like with some people you can just tell they never worked a day in the service industry and no matter what you do theyll keep complaining#anyways :) tag limit. apparently. so its nap time now. honk shoo snork mimimi and so forth <3
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fadeintolight · 3 months ago
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pont pont vesszőcske
#this year just feels weird. im selfishly not saying ~rawr so awful or tragic#because there are things ive achieved this year that im proud of and that were long due#im so happy i did that masters course and im so glad i landed a job that pays well even though its torture on my nerveous system#my mind is forever free from academic guilt and pressure#and i can afford things that nourish my soul and body when they werent accessible before#so this is the firm acknowledgment of the fact that im lucky and have an objectively good life#part of which i was given and nice parts i actually worked my ass off for#and for the first time in my life im at a stage where its all … freestyle?? lmao like ok girl you did the things now find new things to do#and theres none hehehe just human connections that are harder to build than a cv or a thesis defense and doesnt only depend#on the effort i put in#but also on how the stars and planets are moving or idk#plus i just remembered how my sister told me that the reason why i kept procrastinating on my diploma was bc it was an excuse to not grow u#and now the universe is kicking my ass all year to make me realize that i need to change and grow and build a life i could settle in#because this bitch!!!! took 3 of my 4 closest friends and made them move countries and get married or in one case just simply get over me#and not to make everything about me but its how humans work okay so ofc im internalizing a lot of other tragedies as new signs#from the universe screaming at me#to get away from the parasocial bonds that give me so much joy but also affect me too much#like LAUGH AT ME all you want but ive been wanting to see ts live since 2009#and the only thing that kept me up in exam season at 4am was me and my friend sending outfit inspos to each other#like its silly i know but when that show got cancelled and i was hysterical i kneew the lesson was to grow up and stop investing so much#into lovely but also relatively short moments of my life#because i should be able to#look forward to other things after graduating than the eras tour but i WASNT okay#and i dont have to elaborate on how liam’s passing has been affecting me/us so i wont#but fuck that was a cruel reminder - to make things about me again- that though i can talk about this with friends on my phone#until my retina burns out or melts or idk what retinas do#i still dont have ANYONE in my phsyical proximity who would understand this pain and thats partially on me#and then my 85+yr old grandma got covid AGAIN for the 3rd time and my god she got better but in case i forgot she wont be with me forever#and i reached the tag limit so thats it anyway weird year very weird dont know what it wants from me#to the void
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fuzzbuns · 10 months ago
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Arlecchino discourse is really awkward because both sides are so convinced they are right and that the other side just lacks media literacy but 9 times out of 10 the take in question is also wrong and it leaves me scratching my head a little bit….
#fuzzy rambles#like either they are like ‘no she is bad and doesnt care for the kids at all’ or its ‘she is good actually and does care for the kids’#and for me its like… damn…. its actually a little more complicated than that but ok ig#saw someone say she doesnt care for freminet or lynette she just uses them as pawns for lyney to be her heir#which is so incorrect on almost every level#it’s basically a self report that they dont know freminet or lynettes relationship with arlecchino#like i think we can agree raising child solider is problematic or whatever while not painting everything she does as master manipulation#like the things ppl claim are just her 5000 level iq manipulation… rolling my eyes it doesnt even make sense#but at the same time she obviously isnt a saint who has everyones best interests in mind because they are still childe soliders#even tho things got better when she took control there is still a lot of cultish and cruel behaviors the kids get drilled into them#tho honestly the whole fatui is like that look at any of the recurits who arent from the orphanage and they are equally brainwashed#if not us than who or whatever (girl who thinks about what happened in the chasm and want to eat drywall)#idk. dont yall have parents? like u can love and care for a child and still suck as a parent#you can try to not become ur abusive mother and still turn into a monster of sorts#ignore the childe instead of child its literally muscle memory how embarrassing
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ratatatastic · 7 months ago
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entering to panthers pulse does go pretty hard luosty yeah
Luosty Cup Day | 8.5.24 (x)
#eetu luostarinen#florida panthers#so at least i dont have to tag this we are the champions#silver linings in everything i suppose#you know what should be studied? cats fans relationship to panthers pulse#hey remember in the offseason when they revealed we no longer we're gonna have solo goal songs we were mourning#and then they revealed it was this fucking song and there was so much outcry#even i remember the way my face cringed hearing it for the first time#attending 2 games multiple watch parties and a stanley cup win later i think i would die without her#you can't take panthers pulse away from me i love her shes dear to me I WOULD DIE WITHOUT HER#my opinion on the song has changed a lot the more positive memories are associated with jt#but really i credit that drunk guy next to me in the nosebleeds that took a swan dive in the row ahead of us#during a lundy goal at the famed yotes game where i was busy singing along to the song like a maniac because it was the 5th goal we scored#while my mother very worridely tapped my shoulder to go check on the guy (it was her first hockey game) and i went oh a guy fell? really?#when? and she was like JUST NOW DID YOU NOT SEE HIM??? and i went oh why would i pay attention to the guy next to me WE'RE 5-0???#(dw he was fine he just tipped over and was immediately back up and started hollering for the goal like we all were except my mother XD)#(one of the good things to come of this is my abuela agreed with me she went we're here to watch hockey so we're going to watch hockey)#(my poor mother outnumbered by sports fanatics; my abuela who named all my uncles after boca junior players she liked XD)#(also her first game and she got the full hockey experience and loved it but she absolutely backed me up on everything love her so muchhh)
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foreseers-flower · 11 months ago
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john in rdr1 is so special to me i feel crazuyzuzyszy
#z.gen#rdr1 john is just . so .#like hes like the best of himself embodied and hes so unbelievably duty bound to abi#he loves her so much. and he goes against everything for her and jack. the progression of stupid deadbeat#to worlds most loving and dedicated husband makes me sick#and it makes me feel so unwell that john in rdr1 isnt like arthur.#arthur is a good man. to me it makes sense that he is canonically intended to be moral and upright#mary linton even says so#but i dont think thats true for john. i dont think john is 'moral' as much as he is dutiful#nothing is his concern other than his wife and son and i loveeee that about him so much#i know a lot of people find this to be a fault and surely if you like more heroic characters arthur is much closer to it#but john is so. he is so.#theres something about the way he does anything to protect them that makes me weak#its not self serving like dutch nor is it moral like arthur#everything is for them. everything. every single thing.#he embodies in such a way that it makes me unwell. hes so morally gray but for them? he'd do anything and he does#i just . love how john is bound by duty and not morality#hes not particularly remorseful or good or upright#but he is painfully dutifully. to me because i think thats what he took from the sort of life arthur lead#even though i think arthurs goodness was truer. i think john realized that he isnt arthur#but he became the sort of man he could be and became someone who always paid his debts#and did whatever it took protect what he believes is family. whats important to him#when i think about how deeply his love is tied with loyalty and duty i just get sooo insane. like you dont even get it#and rdr1 john is soooo protective and kind to women and sooo hateful to men which helps#i think rdr2 john is so hateable but rdr1 john is like the most perfect man to ever exist and appeals to me#on a personal level more than arthur. like i just cant stop thinking about him#hes so like. attractive hngfmgkjdf#i can hardly play the game its sooo distracting to listen to him
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fiendishartist2 · 11 months ago
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guys what if i want to make my own apollo justice game.
#i need to write a prequel to aa4 pls pls pls pls pls#okay get this: so phoenix isnt disbarred yet and he doesnt have trucy. hes still taking and winning cases#one day he gets a call from edgeworth and hes all like ''wright i need your assistance'' and hes like what for and edgeworth goes#''ive been given the most ridiculous case and i think youre the only man in law who can take care of it''#so phoenix bikes his ass to the detention center and boom. child behind bars#and phoenix is like ??? hey kid what are doing here. and this kid is the most surly mfer on the planet like you couldnt get-#-a word out of him if you tried. hes kinda giving phoenix the stink eye too but hes just the littlest guy on earth#and phoenix feels bad for him so he tries to get a rundown of the case (maybe edgeworth gave him an autopsy report or smth beforehand)#but get this. the kid still wont speak. he hasnt even moved a muscle. and after some prodding you find out this little dude-#-doesnt speak english (i dont love aa6 but i think apollos tragic backstory can be interesting so we're going w that but taking it seriousl#anyways so maya is like omg this kid is speaking khurainese but hers is kinda broken bc shes not from the mainland and only knows it-#-from like prayers#so you only get bits and pieces of the kids testimony. plus he still doesnt wanna talk bc ''dhurk told me not to talk to you''#so you start following the new lead but you ask too many questions and apollos like oh shit i said too much and wont talk to you anymore#but now you have two leads: khur'ain and a man named ''dhurk'' plus the fact that this is kid might be new to america since-#-he cant speak english but is smack dab in the middle of california. its all v curious and phoenix wants to get to the bottom of it#for the rest of the case i feel like it would go in the direction of ''we dont know exactly whats up w this dhurk guy or where this kid-#-came from but we do get him acquitted and phoenix is able to save him from the dark path he was heading towards'' thus steering apollo-#-in the direction of law and giving him a wayyyy better reason than aa6 gave him <3#i kind of like the interlinked nature of ace attorney's storytelling. like everything leads into smth else and everyone is impacted-#-by another person before they even become properly entangled w each other's lives#like how mia faced dahlia years before she met phoenix but dahlia was the one to connect them#or how trucy gave phoenix the diary paper but she's also the one who ropes apollo into the waa. even before they know they're siblings#or how lamoire left apollo and trucy as children and when they reunite as adults they cant recognise each other but they all find each-#-other anyways#i could go on but i think this could be cool yknow esp bc i think the most interesting thing about apollo's aa6 backstory is his life-#-post dhurk. like where did he stay? was he a foster kid? was he put into the system? how did that affect him? what kind of ppl took him in#i just wanna know how that whole thing would have effected him bc like when yiu think about it how did he even get to america?? his dad's#-considered a terrorist. idk man i think its interesting and apollo and dhurks interactions are one of the only good parts of aa6
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dawntheduckrb · 1 year ago
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They put me downstairs at work :(
All thumb healing progress was undone in one evening apparently. It actually felt mostly fine on Sunday, until after work. They put me in an area I'm rarely sent to on Sunday evening, and I had to do a ton of heavy lifting. My arms are sore but it's like a post-exercise soreness (painful, but still very normal). My thumb felt fine allllllll day today, until I started to draw. Even with breaks, it still feels super tense, and now it's hurting even when I'm not using it. I'm gonna take that as a sign to stop for the night lol
I have one drawing I want to finish before school starts back up, because I'm worried it'll distract me if I don't have it done before then. Of course, if my hand prevents from finishing it, I'll manage, but that'd suck :')
On a lighter tone I feel very strongly about this cat in a blanket I found, I don't know why it amuses me so much but it's such a mood
#for those of you who dont know; i work at a package sorting/distribution center#I'm normally in the small package team where people who can't constantly lift stuff go (i have double curve scoliosis and back hurty)#but they moved me downstairs to a truck loading area to help the people that are normally there#most packages come from a series of overhang chutes and I didn't have to do anything with them#but everything thats too big/heavy/oddly shaped comes down a seperate larger belt system#these have to be manually sorted#my job was to take a barcode scanner and find a barcode on each package#then a little printer i was holding would make a sticker w/ that package's destination after i scanned its barcode#the thing is#those packages got up to 80 lbs and sometimes the barcode label was on the very bottom#i had to flip quite a few packages in a hurry because that belt does not stop while I'm printing the stickers#i guess between holding the barcode scanner and flipping over ridiculously heavy boxes#i completely destroyed my thumb again#splatoon didn't give me a problem today but i guess i dont really use my thumb much for that game#and even still#i took a whole four hour break between that and trying to draw#and i didnt even draw for that long#but now moving my thumb hurts worse than it did last week#idk what im gonna do when school starts :/#this is where i'd say 'crying and sobbing atm' but im actually starting to tear up holy shit#wanted to post a drawing tonight but i cant finish it :') gonna grab some chocolate and curl up into a ball instead#will also try icing my hand tonight#i have also memorized those hand exercises and they are my lifeline right now
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lzrdprsn · 2 years ago
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It's really weird when you know someone in a context different from how everybody else knows them so you look at them and you still kind of see that person they used to be
#this post is about the boy i dated my senior year who was so incredibly sweet tbh wouldnt be the person i am today if i hadnt met him#but he was so fucked up he had so many issues it was really hard so it didnt work out but i loved him and i think he loved me too#but hes in a moderately successful band now which i just found out about do i looked them up and theyre good#but its so weird because its like i know that when you were 17 you wanted to be an underwater welder#i helped you clean your room at your grandmas house because you were so sad you couldnt do it yourself#i ditched 5th period AP English to sit on the steps behind the auditorium and listen to you talk about whatever#you pushed me on the swings and we took the bus to the movie theater and you liked cherry wraps and you played me my favorite songs#i havent REALLY thought about that guy in years and we were only together MAYBE 6 months but its so weird what you remember about people#and especially how you remember how they made you feel because he made me feel so good like i was in control#all my previous relationships was me trying to desperately please someone who wouldnt do the same for me#and honestly a lot of my relationships since have been the same especially in college and with the one girl who honestly if she called me#today i would drop everything and go be with her again no questions because i cant get her out of my head#but stuff witj him was never ever like that it was so easy it was like breathing even though it ended messy i have 0 regrets#and its nice to know that things are going well for him because honestly he changed my life a little bit#the way i dont give a fuck now is something i learned from him#ill probably delete this later but you know
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synchlora · 5 months ago
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and so it happens once more
#i love my work. dont get me wrong#but they have the same problem as any other nonprofit ever. and even some for profits actually#they cant turn away ppl that pay them big money to keep running their business#it happened at the last shelter it happens here#board members and big donors are god i get it#but we cant sacrifice what this place means for that <- would be what they say in movies#because you can. you do.#all the time!#you have your morals and mission statements but in the end you cant do any of it without donations#and good public reputation#and when you make an enemy of someone who is a donor or board member or prolific person in the community#you lose everything#you lose your reputation your funding your ability to do what it is youre doing#im just so pissed#i knew it wouldnt be different but i wanted it to be#this time its a board member / donor / landlord for our fucking outreach program#they took in a stray kitten (which is fine-ish not great but its okay since theyre practically an employee)#they scheduled an appt for preventatives and intake which is what we always do to make sure theyre not dying#then they never showed up for it#then they complained about diarrhea but still didnt make any effort to make it here#then the week. the 7 day long period that we are moving. they finally can bring the kitten in#she is in the worst shape ive seen in a while#raw butt from diarrhea. URI and third eyelids swollen. cant hardly walk bc her ass hurts too bad. leaking shit. covered in fleas#she is in more pain than cats we've gotten that were hit by cars#and she was with a FOSTER. a BOARD MEMBER FOSTER.#im so pissed off#all of us are and we dont know what to say#she looks like she was found stuck in a sewer full of her own shit for a week she looks like death#im torn between euth with her because i dont know if the recovery she'll need will be worth the pain#shelter posting
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