#you know how not every letter is pronounced the same in each language

[amarantoestrella]

It feels so funny as a Puerto Rican to be made fun of for our dialect/accent when the people who made the language all have fucking lisps on purpose.

Me teneith thin cojoneth!

[the-flaminhos]

MAZE RUNNER HEADCANONS CAUSE I SAID SO. Anyways this is gonna end up leaning more towards Minewt/ Newtmas head canons but I want this to be ivy trio so bad so if you squint hard enough that’s what you’ll get. UH YEAH. Angst, fluff, random shit, it’ll probably be here. Also heads up this is MY head so you don’t need to agree dude. ENJOY !!

- In the glade Minho and Newt used to make fun of gally but all in good spirit until gally dragged Minho in the circle just to have his ass whooped

- Thomas and Minho like collecting shells and showing newt but one time they found one that reminded them of chuck, cried, showed newt, and made him cry too

- In the safe haven, when Thomas and Newt started flatting together people would constantly bring up the roommates trope and they wouldn’t get it all the way up until they started dating

- The ivy trio does movie night on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Friday

- Thomas tried the therapy thing where you write notes to people you dislike and set them on fire but everyone got the wrong idea and thought it was a bonfire. That’s how many letters he wrote.

- They started a band they called “Gladiators” but it’s pronounced “Glade-iators” and Minho thinks he’s a genius every time he corrects someone on it

- The band featured fry on the drums and Gally on the guitar, Minho sings, newt plays the bass, and Thomas knows how to fucking play the keyboard.

- Newt and Minho speak in a stupid made up language to confuse Thomas but Thomas learnt the “words” and confused them right back.

- Thomas will call newt stuff like: Babe, baby, dude, and bro

- Newt calls Thomas stuff like: Darling, love, dear, and sweet

- Minho and Brenda start dating and cringe at the sound of both (they call each other honey.)

- In the glade, when it was just newt and Minho up during bonfire nights they’d stargaze for about half an hour before cringing and leaving to sleep with an awkward hug

- Thomas and Minho shadow box each other to see who has to help set up bonfires and Thomas loses every time

- When the three of them had to put names on the tribute rock they all cried at the same intensity while carving Chucks name out

- Newt is a wet the brush and the paste kinda guy, Thomas does his dry, and Minho does his with just a wet brush

- Newt: socks and sandals. Thomas: sandals, no socks. Minho: just socks cause he can’t be fucked with sandals cause he fell while running once.

- Newt likes Caramelo Thomas like almond chocolate and Minho adores white chocolate

- When newt is sad but doesn’t want to do his sobbing to Thomas he’ll cry to Minho for hours as Thomas listens from the other room wondering if he’s still good enough for newt

- Thomas and Minho like eating dinner together when newt decides to eat dinner with his sister

- The first time Thomas and newt made out they were both shit faced so the only person who actually remembers it happening is Minho

- Sometimes when Minho thinks nothing is real newt is experiencing the worst sleep paralysis and Thomas is thinking about what he could’ve done to help everyone. Sometimes it all lines up and they can’t help each other.

- Newt has a fear of throwing up

- Minho hates mint more than life but will always take gum if offered it

- newt: Bloody hell! Minho: holy shuck faced idiot!! Thomas: FUCK!!!

- Newt likes his coffee with more milk than coffee and that only IF he’s drinking the stuff otherwise its tea, Thomas drinks his black and everyone hates it, and Minho is a cappuccino kinda guy

Okay I’ll shut up now whanau😭😭

All my love to you - Nevaya <33

[brofightiscancelled]

yapping about how i approached translating karamatsu's brand new world. just discussing the localization liberties i took and other things i think are interesting. i just love yapping sorry

part 1/4 because i forgot about tumblr post image limits lol

establishing my ethos: im still learning japanese but have been translating (chinese -> english) for over 7 years, so my translation skill is higher than my japanese skill. if there's anything i get wrong here pls point it out!!! i usually translate mostly songs, anime (donghua), and manga

The Title

japanese has multiple alphabets: 2 phonetic ones and 1 derived from chinese characters (kanji) that dont tell you anything about how they're pronounced

kanji characters have multiple pronunciations. for example, 心 can be pronounced "kokoro" or "shin" depending on the context it's used in.

"how do you know which kanji pronunciation to use" you guess. alternatively, media geared towards children (who have lower language skills) will sometimes spell out the right pronunciation above the kanji in little letters

sometimes people will just make up their own pronunciations for kanji for Style Points, in which case they will also spell out the intended pronunciation above the kanji

so this title actually reads "matsuno karamatsu's brand new morning". however the Style Points pronunciation guidelines indicated that this is pronounced "Brand New World". i deliberated over this for a while and ended up going with "brand new world" because the phonetic pronunciation is in english so i assume this would be the preferred title for an english localization. unfortunately this did lose the interesting double reading of "morning" and "world" but sometimes it just be like that.

Chapter 1

every time choro says something about the chopsticks in this first part, he's repeating the same thing each time: "Stop [pointing with your] chopsticks". but this 1. doesn't sound very natural in english, and 2. is too long to fit into these speech bubbles.

translations often have to take liberties due to the medium. in anime subtitles, they need to consider how fast a watcher can read the subtitles. in manga, it's often about how many words they can fit in a vertical text bubble.

the underlying impression is that choro is annoyed he even has to tell oso to stop pointing with his chopsticks (this is common sense, you're a grown ass man, why don't you know table manners, etc), so i tried to write it in a way like he's saying it short and snippy like an annoyed mom who has already reminded you 5000 times about this exact thing: Chopsticks.

oso calls totty "あざとい" here after hearing that he's trying out pancakes at a new cafe. as far as i can tell, this roughly translates to "cunning" or "sly" and is used to describe women kinda derogatorily, like a girl at the office who speaks harshly to the women but sweettalks to men (like tsunoda from aggretsuko).

i couldnt really think of a natural-sounding equivalent to this implication in english, so i settled on the kind of close "coquettish" to get across that oso is calling totty girly in a strange and insulting way. oso's dialogue here literally goes something like "sly.... you really are sly...", but since "coquettish" is kind of a weird word to use in english, i ended up localizing this around to suit my weird word choice to make it sound like oso was thinking for a second about the right word to call totty, which i also think comes off as a little more natural-sounding

japanese (and chinese) have a plural second-person pronoun, but english doesn't (besides y'all, which i did use in oso's dialogue earlier lol) which is a real headache and almost always needs some creative thinking to get sounding Normal. this was a relatively straightforward case: "how would a father address his sons as a collective?" -> "Boys"

CHAPTER 2

the dreaded jp onomatopoeia without an english equivalent. im lucky that these boys' whole gimmick is being from an old cartoon so i could get away with the very cartoony "honk" sound effect for "blowing one's nose".

the source material always translates イタい as "painful" so i do it too but i wish osmt had come out like just a few years later when "cringe" was in the common vernacular because it's a way better localization. in my opinion.

also a minor note: in the first bubble totty is actually repeating kara's words back at him "someone's? watching? me?", which is made clera by him using kara's self-pronoun (オレ) and not his own self-pronoun (ボク) (if you don't know about self-pronouns i will talk about them more in a future note). however this nuance is lost in english and could be misconstrued so i just went and made it so he's repeating back what kara said but not using the exact words

"頭おかし" does literally translate to "strange in the head" but colloquially just means "insane" or "crazy". but ichi is being really harsh to kara here, and kara does start questioning his mental sanity later in the chapter, so i went with a more harsh translation here that specifically references the head. also "YOU'RE INSANE" does unintentionally have a different meaning to most of us here on tumblr dot com, doesnt it lol

i dont know what the consensus is on giving iyami a french accent when localizing him. it's probably overkill to do both this AND keep the zansus. however i cant convey a mid-atlantic accent in writing so this is my next best way to convey that iyami talks very strangely. also it's funny

this panel was really hard to redraw. please clap

anyways same use of "strange" here as before with the head thing ("crazy") but it can also have the vibe of "abnormal". i thought "is something wrong with me?" helped convey both these meanings. come to think of it later in chapter 6 i translate okashi very literally as "strange". maybe i shouldve said "is something wrong with me" there, too....

CHAPTER 3

jyushi literally says "why do we do the olympics?" here. i localized it this way because it means essentially the same thing and is funnier. dats the art of translation babyyyyy

japanese personal pronouns quick rundown: in english we tell others to refer to us as different pronouns- him, her, they, etc., but we only have one pronoun to refer to ourselves with (I). japanese has many self-pronouns, and which one you use to describe yourself with is usually based around context and personality (some pronouns are more polite to use than others, some give off the connotation of being stuck-up or of being a country bumpkin, etc). this is helpful for characterization and also being able to tell who is talking through written dialogue

we aren't meant to know who this figure is at first, but we're also meant to have the clues to figure it out (if you were to investigate, you would find that f6 oso is the only one with full black gloves and knee high boots).

oso usually uses the masculine self-pronoun 俺, which is a rude and casual pronoun very fitting of the slacker eldest. however, f6 oso, a reliable and polite dreamboat, uses 僕, a polite and proper masculine pronoun (normal choro uses this pronoun). so this pronoun use masks the identity of this mysterious figure- but if you looked into it, you'd be able to see that this does link up to f6 oso. it's also possible the artist didnt know this and just went with 僕 to fit the fairytale prince vibe here though lol

i have no way to convey this in english so all of this is just lost nuance in translation. womp womp.

for the record these are the boys' personal pronouns:

oso: 俺 (ore can convey that he's rude, kanji alphabet can convey .... he's old-fashioned, possibly? shrugs?)

kara: オレ(ore can convey that he's full of himself, katakana alphabet can convey that he's [trying to be] stylish or loud)

choro:　僕 (boku can convey that he's polite, kanji can convey that he's proper)

ichi:　おれ (ore can convey a kinda casual-lazy vibe, hiragana alphabet can convey that he's soft-spoken kinda?)

jyushi:　ぼく (boku can convey that he's Just A Little Guy, hiragana alphabet can convey that he's childish)

totty:　ボク (boku can convey that he's Just A Little Guy, katakana alphabet can convey that he's [trying to be] stylish and modern)

CHAPTER 4

demonstration of localization for the medium: totty's dialogue here translates most literally to "What are you talking about?", but "talking" and "about" are pretty long words that are hard to fit into that skinny dialogue bubble. "the hell are you on about?" conveys the same thing, has shorter words that are nicer to fit into a bubble, and also shows a bit more personality (and i think is a little funnier).

this part ends here becaues i forogt about the tumblr post limit. i will continue in future posts

part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4

[elen-benfelen]

welsh remus guide pt.3

Third Lesson

Right then, lads. It’s alphabet time.

Often, when looking at Welsh place names, it can seem confusing and overwhelming for anyone who is unfamiliar with Welsh. Sometimes, the confusion comes from not realising that the names are in Welsh. 

Visually, we use the Latin alphabet and so it’s easy to make the assumption that the Welsh alphabet is exactly the same as the English. 

It is not, my dudes. 

To begin with, the following letters do not exist:

K, Q, V, X, Z

Secondly, these are the vowels:

A, E, I, O, U, W, Y 

(Occasionally H is also a vowel but I couldn’t tell you when or why??? I usually go off of vibes) 

Next, are the double letters. They count to us as single letters and each make a unique sound:

CH, DD, FF, NG, LL, PH, RH, TH

NG as in thiNG

PH as in PHil

FF as in Fun

RH as in RHiannon

TH as in THat

Now comes the uh, more complicated sounds. 

For those familiar with German words such as Nacht or the name Brecht, the Welsh CH is that same sound.

CH as in naCHt

DD is like a harder TH sound. It is NOT a D sound. 

LL sounds like hissing. I genuinely don’t know how else to explain this. It straight up does not exist in majority of languages but there are some out there with the same sound (sometimes shown with a different letter). 

To hear it and learn more here’s a better explanation.

This is a really fun video on the different accents but someone mentions the town Llanelli so it’s also a good example of the LL sound. 

And so in full we have:

A. B. C. CH. D. DD. E. F. FF. 

G. NG. H. I. J. L. LL. M. N. O. 

P. PH. R. RH. S. T. TH. U. W. Y. 

There’s no K because the C is always a hard C sound.

There’s no V because a single F is always a hard V sound. 

J is a modern addition to help us with new modern words we’ve loaned from English. Such as Joke becoming Jôc. 

G is always a hard guttural G sound. 

Despite misconceptions, Welsh is actually vowel heavy and we tend to stretch vowels. If a letter has a little roof on it, like “ô” or “ŵ” then it’s an extended/longer sound. 

This means, when speaking English, our vowels are more likely to be elongated. 

Similar to the “r” in Spanish, the Welsh “r” is rolled and therefore many will still roll their Rs when speaking English. 

For a reason I have yet to discover, despite H being perfectly clear and pronounced when speaking in Welsh, when we speak English, a lot of areas have a habit of dropping the H sound. 

“Here” becomes “Ere” or “Yere” 

I am guilty of this. Why do I do this? I genuinely can’t tell you. 

For the reasons above, the following words sound stupidly similar to each other:

Ear

Year

Here

Hear 

As with any language, understanding the basic sounds helps you understand the core of the accent. 

In terms of character dynamics, I would take note that the “CH” and “LL” sounds along with our supposed “lack of vowels” is usually what the language is mocked for. Usually by English folk but other folks, including non-Welsh speaking Welsh folks are perfectly guilty of this mocking. 

Fun fact: I didn’t realise W and Y weren’t vowels in the English language when I was a small child. So I really didn’t get why they thought there wasn’t any vowels in our place names. 

Another thing to note is that the Welsh language and accents are very up and down. It’s not usually flat or monotone. A lot of people also describe them as melodic. Sing-songy even.

Colourful alphabet video with BSL

Shorter alphabet video 

Note: I am not the collective consciousness of every Welsh person. My experience is not universal - especially when it comes to North Walian things. This is just meant to serve as a general guide. Hope this helps and good luck with your writing!

pt.4

[asksuccubussides]

What if you were an asexual succubus, wouldn't that be fucked up or what Chapter 14

Masterpost of chapters

By the feet of the person who was still a stranger to Janus he saw his date silently sob and he didn’t know how to react to seeing him properly cry for the first time. He ended up standing frozen and watching as the stranger knelt down to pull Remus into a hug.

They let him wipe snot into the shoulder of their shirt and moved the tip of their tail from his back up to his curly hair and down again to soothe him.

"Is everything okay?" Janus asked but the stranger didn't react in the slightest, not a single muscle in their face even twitched in some form of recognition of him having spoken.

It was only when Remus had stopped shaking as badly that the stranger looked up and Janus realized that they were weirdly enough wearing sunglasses even though it was well into the night. The stranger kept their tail around Remus' back as they held out their hand and Janus shook it.

"We haven't seen each other in likeee forever so like sawry for reaction" The stranger blurted out as an explanation.

They spoke with the exact same accent as Remus' only slightly less thick though Janus couldn't help but notice the strange way they pronounced the words. It was if every letter was off by the smallest of marginals.

"I don't mind" He replied.

The stranger pulled off their sunglasses and squinted up at him before continuing "I'm Remy! Me and Remus are like such besties!" They pinched their friend's cheek "That's why I've missed him sssssooOo much! Now who're you?"

"I...." A thousand thoughts raced in Janus' mind about how to word what he was to Remus. It wasn't as if they had officially said they were dating but it didn't feel as if they could be described as only friends anymore "I am...Janus. I'm good friends with him as well. He's told me about you"

Remy's smile staled into obvious fakeness and they quickly pulled in Remus' arm to make him stand up on shaky legs as they mumbled in their native language "Girlie I love you and I get this is a lot happening at once but you gotta like interpret for me" They looked back to Janus "Sawwrry girl. It's dark as shit and I can't see your lips like at all!...I'm deaf! I tots forgot to say that! I can not hear you but I am like sooo sure your voice is great"

Remus quickly wiped his tears and signed what Janus had said for Remy. His eyes were the same shade of red from crying as his horns were.

"JAENAS!" Remy exclaimed "YOU're Jaenas! Mr. Boytoy! Great! Fan-fucking-tastic"

The human glanced between the both of them with a confused look since they had just claimed they hadn't spoken in a while and yet Remy recognized his name, while Remus questioned the exact same thing.

Both of their confusion was brushed aside as Remy continued the conversation in a rapid pace "Girl you're so fun but me and my Emus here have totally sooo much to catch up on so like goodnight? Sleep tight? Keep your ass right?"

They looked to Remus who nodded along and moved in to hug Janus goodnight but the human meet him with a kiss on the cheek instead before briefly taking his hands "I have the afternoon shift at the library tomorrow" He murmured "Goodnight darling"

Remus held onto his hand for a moment too long before letting his fingers slip away and waving goodbye while the human went up the stairs to the apartment. As soon as the door had closed behind him Remy let up into a mix of an excited scream and a cry as they dragged their friend into another tight hug. They swayed with him side to side while rubbing their cheek to his.

The only reason they let go at all was so that they could sign to each other. Remus had so many questions his hands stayed hovering in the air unsure of where to start before finally signing.

'I missed you'

'Ive missed you-'

Their hands stopped as they retched forward but avoided throwing up. They kept their tail over their nose as they stood back up.

'You need a shower! You smell Angel as shit!-'

'ANGEL!?' His hand movements were big and fast.

'YEAH! Angel! Its good my gag reflex is amazing or else I woulda thrown up all over your boytoy'

'Gross!! Angel smell must have rubbed off on me from the club'

'Aside from the shower, bitch where have you been staying? Girl it's been a long two months we gotta chill out and T A L K'

Remus quickly explained the living situation of him hiding in the library every night and sleeping in the beanbag chairs and with every word that went by Remy's eyes turned wider and their mouth more agape.

"Noooo!! Girl! No!" They yelled out before switching back to sign 'We are soooo staying at a hotel. I got money and even if I didnt I could just like suck a guy off! Did I see you two sluts come out of a car? You got a car now?'

'Stolen'

'But you cant drive???'

'So far I havent killed anyone!'

They rolled their eyes 'Girl we are walking. Cars are gonna go out of style any day now trust me! You should have been there in 1920. The cars looked silly as all hell. Now trains! Trains I trust 'cause those fuckers were already there when I came into existance. Trusty. Reliable'

'Your old side is showing' Remus butted in.

'Shut up! You can walk, imma fly'

'Oh yeah fly like the angel slut you are! You were the one just complaining about angel smell!'

'Angels got wings. Birds got wings. Does that make me a fucking bird bitch???' They signed while letting their wings grow out from their shoulderblades and Remus pretended to throw up.

--

Only a few minutes of Remy flying and Remus running along later the pair ended up at a decently fancy hotel. The kind that had a night staffman but not the kind that had a pool. Remy, unlike Remus, had long since realized the value of asking for money after feeding as was the human custom and with that they easily booked a room for two with a single cozy bed and one pull out sofa though the pull out would end up being unused as the demons had no qualms about sharing a bed.

Two fluffy bathrobes laid ready on the beds along with towels, the mini fridge was well stocked and the tv controller only had to be shaken around one time for it to work. Neither of them paid much thought to the tv right now as Remy was too busy shooing Remus into the bathroom to get a proper shower while he whined like he was a pig going to the slaughter.

He crossed his arms over his chest to make an X before repeating the signs for 'Is Roman okay? Is Emile okay? Tell me first!' over and over

"Yeah yeah Emile's fine" Remy muttered back while continuing to push him so that he physically had to stamp his heels into the ground to stop

'Roman! Roman! Roman!'

"I'll tell you AFTER the shower! Just get that Angel shit away!"

'Why're not answering?! You answered about Emile!'

With an extra push from their tail Remus tumbled into the bathroom and Remy promptly slammed the door shut behind him. The demon rolled his eyes and pretended to mutter to himself while pulling his clothes off and throwing them onto the floor.

It was the moment that he turned on the water that dread started to crawl up into his mind. The cold water pooled around his feet as his thoughts began to wander to questioning if Remy was still on the other side of the wall, if they were really here, whether he had dreamt it or imagined it or if between the time that he stepped in and now something had happened to them.

His whole body tensed up as he dragged in a big breath but he couldn't breathe it out again. It was stuck somewhere in his chest making him unable to breathe.

The distance to the door felt miles long while his body felt frozen stuck. His mouth fell open to call for Remy but no sounds came out. Instead he managed to move enough to slam his head against the wall but the moment his forehead hit the tiles he remembered Remy wouldn't be able to hear him no matter what.

The ground opened up underneath him as he took off in a sprint out of the shower and smacked his body right into the door to burst it open. Remy was sitting on the bed with their back to him and was hugging the pillow close to their chest.

A very naked and very wet Remus jumped onto the bed and cuddled up to their side making them let out a shrill scream.

"DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT!"

Remus just held onto them harder and moved to rest his head on their chest. They let out a sigh before leaning back into the soft bed and laying their tail around him. They tilted their head forward so that their horns nudged against each other and held him like that for a moment.

"I'm sorry girlie. This shit has just been so- I just needed like a minute of quiet to like think of how to like say shit"

He looked up to his friend and stroked his hand against their cheek to try and make them smile.

"Okay but like I know you clean yourself like a fucking cat but you can not have showered that quick-"

'I was scared you were gone'

"oh....Want me to come with?"

Remus nodded prompting Remy to go along with him back to the bathroom. They only bothered to take off their shorts and jacket before stepping under the still dripping shower head while their friend rolled himself into a little ball like a rabid raccoon trying to get away from a veterinarian.

Remy sat down behind him and leant his head back so they could shampoo it. They dragged out his curls to their full length and scrubbed them furiously with shampoo one by one before  they pulled the few curls that had turned white around their finger and looked at it next to the rest of Remus' hair that was a natural vibrant chestnut brown.

The demon noticed and turned around so he could put the strands of his white hair next to Remy's fully white hair before signing 'We match'

"It's good" Remy took ahold of the hair on both sides of their friend's face and shook him lightly around until he silently laughed "If you only have a few strips of white it means it's still revertible"

He let his finger move against strands of Remy's pure white hair and met their eyes.

"Girl it's been too late for me for a loooong time"

He didn't move his finger nor his gaze.

"It's like okay. Being deaf aint a death sentence but I think you would like instantly explode if you can't annoy people with your shrill ass voice"

He nodded in agreement.

They finished shampooing his hair before letting their hand slip down to the choker around the demon's neck "The chokers new" They commented with a cheeky sort of smile.

He hadn't even considered taking it off 'Gift from J A N U S' He hand spelled the name out and it felt like saying it for the first time all over again making rats crawl around in his tummy.

Remy hosed him down with water which made his hair weighed down in front of his eyes like a highland cow and he started to rinse it out like a sponge.

"I saw how you and the Jaenas acted....Is that why you like haven't" Remy mimicked getting their head cut off "Yet?"

For once Remus liked soap because having it in his hands meant he had a reason not to sign back immediately. While he got hosed down again he finally hesitantly signed.

'We havent fucked'

Remy's mouth fell agape and the shower head slipped in their hand and ended up spraying directly in their face. They quickly turned the shower off and stood up "GIRL????? BITCH???? BABEY??? YOU HAVEN'T- DOES HE HAVE ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION!? IT'S BEEN LIKE-"

He managed to slip past them and started to dry himself off to keep avoiding the conversation by covering his face with the towel. When he had completely dried he saw Remy standing waiting with one of the bathrobes ready for him. They threw it at him before signing.

'Girl I didnt mean it like that. I meant that like' Their hands stopped for a moment '...Hes like SOOOO' They dragged out the sign 'Obviously CRAZY for you! I thought he would have like jumped at the first chance to climb mt. Remus! Do you like him?'

'Hes human'

'Yeah duh. I meant if you like find him hoooot. Maybe youve like finally found your type or something! youre just like really late to like find That person that gets you going yknow??? I mean Emile had never spent much thought on like hooking up till he met me'

Remus gave them the kind of thousand yard stare that only comes from being told the same exact bullshit a thousand times.

'But he had thought of it'

'Like yeahhh of course'

'How did you even find me? Did you put a gps in me when I was asleep???' He tried to check his back for trackers but he just ended up looking like a dog chasing its own tail. ‘Be honest. Did you shove a gps up my ass?’

Remy walked back out into the main room and opened the mini bar with their tail while explaining "So like you and Roman have that weird like twin connection thingie"

'Had' He corrected.

"Yeah well it got like severed when your speech was taken away right?" They looked through the packs of gummy worms and chips and pulled out a packet of chocolate and offered a piece to Remus.

His toes curdled up at the memory of his brother's face in agony as both of theirs speech was taken away. A shudder went up through his whole body as he nodded.

"There must have been some like overlap 'cause like Roman could at least like tell for a few minutes after you were like cast down to earth that you were looking for some uhhh Jaenas guy in like England-ish? So Emile's been looking through this things called like addresses and phone books to find all the Jaenases and I've been looking for you at every Jaenas place I could find. Girl can you imagine if the guy was named something tots generic like Edward or whatever British people are called"

They shrugged before eating the chocolate.

"Apparently there's like exactly 169 Jaenases in England...Niiiiiceee"

Remus let up into a tired chuckle 'If everything goes right soon there should be 168 J a n u s e s'

Remy moved their arm around his shoulders and used their tail to ruffle his hair "Girl!! That's the spirit!!" They pulled him down to the floor and started stacking out things from the mini bar while continuing with "So I've been thinking you gotta like seduce your boytoy, right?"

He nodded.

"But like you're good at violence. I'm good at being pretty, gorgeous and charming. Why can't I just like seduce him and then you do the deed??"

'G E N I U S'

They high fived and both internally thought their part of the plan was clearly the most important.

"Okay girlie look here" Remy pointed to a bag of gummy bears "This is you" Next to a bottle of soda "This is the boytoy" They tapped on the glass of a beer bottle "And this is me. So like tell me the location"

Remus rubbed his two entire braincells together 'He works at the library'

"Great! We're going somewhere here bitccch!! So what does he like? Like should I be more like hard to get or like totally open? Does he wanna top or bottom? Spill everything girl"

--

During the afternoon shift at the library Janus noticed quite quickly that Remus and Remy were attempting to hide behind one of the book shelves though they were extremely easy to spot. Watching the two of them look around like a pair of meerkats with the clear intent of being as subtle as a spy was so far the most enjoyable part of Jan's day so he didn't mind much.

He pretended to not notice them and kept reading the book he had hid behind the counter of the library reception. When he glanced back up he saw Remy push Remus forward out from behind the bookshelf followed by the demon waving at him. Janus waved back and prepared himself to hear some stupid stuff as both of the demons hurried up to him.

"Hiiii girliee!" Remy put their elbows on the counter and leant their head on their hands, even tilted their head, to look all sweet "Whatcha reaaading?"

Abruptly they pulled the book from Janus' hands and quickly read the title before showing it to Remus. "It's about gothic literature" The human replied.

"Totally cute!" (Remy hadn't followed his lips, they were just hoping they had answered right)

Janus glanced at Remus and waited for him to speak which Remy noticed and quickly butted in with "He's like non verbal right now...Uh Autism y'know?"

"As a concept? No, I have never heard of autism ever in my entire life. Is it perhaps a type of bug" Jan said with a completely straight face to which Remus quickly had to sign that he was being sarcastic.

"Sooo. We- me and Emus here are tots feeling this is like the perfect day for a hang out so which time do you get off work you think?"

"Very classy to only ask which time and not whether I actually want to-" Janus stopped as he noticed Remus interpreting what he was saying to sign "Oh dear, I forgot you- Is there some way I can be more understandable?"

Remy looked to what Remus was signing and smiled slightly "Maybe talk a bit slower so I can read your lips"

"Of cours-" He caught himself talking the same and tried to slow you "Oof Cooursse"

They did a thumbs up before properly asking "Well bitch? Do you wanna hang out??"

Remus bounced on the heels of his feet while grinning to his human which made Janus' insides feel all gooey "Ssssure. I will be done in an hour"

The double Rs did a high five with each other before trying to high five Janus but he just shook his head.

--

"Viv is at work so it's just us" Janus said as he unlocked the door to the apartment "Should I put on a cuppa?.......A cup of tea I mean?"

Remus shuffled along into the apartment while doing a thumbs up. Remy was holding onto him with their tail while subtly trying to give him a death stare.

'Whos V i v?'

'Stinky roommate'

'Is he a problem?'

Remus thought for a second before signing 'Hes just really fucking repressed, not a problem. If youre hungry you should seduce him'

While the Rs gossiped about the roomate Janus looked at them from the small kitchen part of the living room. The kettle churned out a constant rumbling pitch as he leant against the counter and crossed his arms.

In the evening light of their meeting yesterday Janus hadn't gotten a proper good look at Remy but now when he studied their face an unsettling feeling fell over him. Their face was symmetrical to an unnatural degree with sculpted eyebrows and long pure white eyelashes perfectly framing their big glossy blue eyes.

There were no liver spots, marks, zits or even any bumpy skin. Their whole face was perfectly smooth and hairless and their limbs long and slender. When they moved they had the grace of a dancer. It was all too perfect.

In a lot of ways they were similar to Remus in how symmetrical and smooth they were but Remus at least had layers of grime on his cheeks, messy curls, overgrown eyebrows and bread crumbs left in his mustache. When he grinned his yellowing teeth showed and wrinkles in their infancy appeared near his mouth. Thick hair covered every part of his arms, legs and chest and even grew noticeable from his nose. Janus had seen his tummy had a hairy happy trail as well and he looked forward to soon enough explore how low the hair went.

Janus tried to shake off the thoughts before they completely wandered away. Still he couldn’t quite get rid of the thought that Remy didn't seem human though on the outside he instead simply decided to be snarky.

"Isn't it a bit unfair that you have two entire secret languages to speak in. If I wasn't so universally adored I would have been worried you two were talking shit about me in front of my face"

Before either of the demons had time to respond the kettle blasted out a high pitched ring and Janus turned his back to prepare the tea. Meanwhile Remy strategically motioned for them and Remus to sit down on the couch with an awkward bit of space between them so that the human, if he had any common decency, would have no choice but to sit in the middle.

In a shocking move Janus sat the tea down on the table along with some plain bread because it was the most snack like thing he had before smacking himself down between Remus and the armrest which forced the demon to shift in his seat and take the place they had planned Jan to sit on.

Janus casually rested his arm around Remus' shoulders while sipping on his tea "So darling I thought about our discussion on found footage films from yesterday- Oh Remy can you read my lips properly?"

Remy begrudgingly nodded.

"Good. Well I remembered this old BBC halloween special called Ghostwatch, well remembered is a lie. Virgil told me about it. Apparently it is from before the blair witch?"

Neither Janus nor Remus noticed but Remy could see in clear view how Remus' tail immediately started to wag like a minor helicopter as soon as the human had started to talk.

Remus nudged for Remy to interpret his signing to Janus "Uhh he's saying that like the first found footage film was from like the 80's...Uhh" They watched as Remus hand spelled "Cannibal...holocaust- WHAT- Bitch what kind of fucking movies are you two watching??? When did you learn all this? You hate huma- uh humorless movies! When did you get all into this??"

Janus shot his hands up "Hey now dear, I for one have never seen cannibal holocaust. I had no part in making him interested in this, I simply spur him on by listening with interest"

'I saw August underground the other day. I liked the poop' Remus signed.

"I have never been one for horror movies but the way Remus talks about them is not at all captivating in the slightest and such a bore" The human continued while stroking his fingers up and down the back of Remus' neck between where his hair stopped and shirt began.

'Youre sounding like Roman. Look at you being a human culture slut all of a sudden' Remy signed to which Remus churned his elbow right into their ribs.

Janus ignored the tomfoolery "I definitely do not have a nice little pirate site to watch Ghostwatch on right now" He tilted Remus' head slightly closer and murmured "We can turn down the lights and I can get sssspooked"

Remy interrupted by elbowing Remus directly in the stomach "HEY Girlie bestie stupid slut! Uhhhm Didn't you have that like meeting with your uhhh teacher Logan?" They said just like they had planned the night before.

'Right' Remus stood up in an awkward pre rehearsed way with his arms being held too tightly to the sides of his waist as he walked towards the front door 'I have a test! Fuck! and shit also! Guess I have to go! Bye'

He waved goodbye and promptly rushed out before Janus had a chance to object to being left alone with what was basically still a stranger.

Now the Remy part of the plan could truly begin. They remembered what their friend had told them the human liked and tried to look suave as they closed the gap between them.

"Looks like it's just you and me now Jaenas" They pulled down their sunglasses to flutter their eyelashes.

The human squinted at them for a few tense seconds before asking "Are you aware that you are pronouncing my name wrong? People mispronouncing my name is sssuch an uncommon thing, it Never happens! But you've really managed to find a new and exciting way to say it completely wrong"

The succubi's eye started to twitch from irritation at how he didn't sound seduced in the slightest. They had put on their favorite Britney Spears perfume! Wasn't that enough! They were showing their ankles! They remembered back to the fond times when a peek of a collarbone could make any man swoon.

They swept their hair back and let out a stale laugh "I am? Oh my gawd sorry girl. How should I say it?"

Janus began to word it out letter by letter but Remy put their finger up to stop them. In one swift motion they pulled off their jacket and cast it onto the leftover seat on the couch before leaning forward a bit more so their collarbones stuck out and one of the straps to their shirt flirted with falling off their shoulder.

They pushed their lips out a little before saying "Uhmm I understand like pronounciation better if I can like feel the words being said so if I could like" With a gentle touch they placed their thumb against Janus' bottom lip and looked at him with big wet eyes to show they were waiting for him to speak.

The human quickly grabbed their wrist and moved their finger away "Actually dear the way my name is pronounced isn't that important. You seem to have a love to call everyone girl anyway"

The valley girl-esque vocal fry Remy layered on every word had quickly become grating on Janus' ears and having their ice cold blue eyes non stop staring at him didn't help.

Remy moved to place their hand on the human's thigh but Janus grabbed their ring finger to stop them before they had barely even touched his pant leg. Their hand kept hanging in the air as Janus finished his tea and cleared his throat.

"Are you aware of how much Remus has told me about you?" He asked.

They put on a flattered look "About how like totally great I am I hooope"

"Well for one, and I do genuinely say this with no judgment, but he has told me about what both you and him do for a profession and I really feel like you are trying to make something happen here. If I'm right about that I just want to inform you that I am poor" 

Internally Remy cursed Remus for whatever bullshit he had spouted "Uhhh I couldn't like read your lips properly" They lied "Can you repeat that?"

"I was just saying that Remus has already told me you're both sex workers and if you're trying to do anything with me you should be aware I do not have the budget for that"

Why the fuck had Remus spent the previous night telling them about the human's favorite color and the way his hair smelled instead of telling them about actual important stuff like how to pronounce his goddamn name! Or what he had told the human about them!

Remy took a deep breath and decided to roll with it, it really wasn't a lie either.

"Giirl just 'cause I'm trying to get down with someone doesn't mean I always ask for money for it"

"True"

"I mean" Remy leant their arm on the top of the sofa's back pillows so they were close to having their arm around him "My lover shares some similarities with you so like I could totalllly be into you- We're in an open relationship don't worry. Would be like soo hard to do my job otherwise"

"Well I would assume your lover would feel differently about you being with someone for your job and on your spare time"

"Oh aren't you just such a smarty pants” They booped his nose “Well he's fine with both so yippeeee. You're both cute and stout and make me look like the tall one in a comedy duo"

"You're awful at compliments" Janus replied dryly.

"That's okay 'cause I put all my talents into being the most amazing sex partner ever in the history of man" That was yet another lie because when they were with most people they put in minimum effort if they weren't Emile or really hot and in their opinion Janus was not. "I can like uhhh suck you off or" They started to list sex acts as if they were reading off the burger king menu.

"I appreciate your offer and maybe a day or so ago I would have said yes but" He tried to hide a growing smile but was unable to "After me and Remus- After our date yesterday I really have to decline being with anyone else. At least not until I've had the chance to talk to him about it"

Remy pulled themself back.

In that moment they could feel any slight hint of lust coming from the human instantly fade away and they knew they didn't have the slightest of a chance left.

Now they just had to come up with a good reason to leave. They picked up the tea cup and drank from it while completely letting the performative sensuality disappear and let their bad posture and their need to sit like a complete sofa potato with their legs spread like hell take over.

"Do you like him?" Remy asked while casting a judging look to the human.

Janus relaxed as the tense atmosphere dispersed and he nodded "I think I do. It's definitely not like I feel at peace when I'm with him, not at aaaallll.....Everything just seems to make sense when he's with me"

"Aww"

They looked down at their tea cup to avoid having to look at him. His expression only reminded them that he was after all just some 23 year old with a crush who was going to be killed soon.

---

Not too long afterwards Remy returned to the hotel room where Remus had built up a nest in the bed and started making tiny sculptures from saliva and toilet paper. The tv was on and was showing a nature documentary where a hawk was hunting for snakes.

Remus jumped up and bounced on the bed as soon as he saw his friend 'That took so short!!! short like his dick???' He jumped down from the bed and hugged Remy 'I hadnt expected him to last long during his first time anyway'

'I didnt seduce him'

His mouth fell so open from surprise he looked like the scream mask 'But you wore your b r i t n e y  s p e a r s perfume! How did it not work!!?!?'

Remy rubbed the bridge of their nose that turned into them rubbing their temples. Having to focus their eyes for so long on Janus' lips had given them a nasty headache. From the minifridge they took a couple of ice cubes and pressed it to their forehead as they laid down on the bed.

Their friend sat down beside them and poked his hand into their cheek until he got an answer.

"You've done fucked it up girl. You've made that human fall for you"

To their surprise Remus blushed slightly. His eyes stayed wide as if waiting for further explanation.

"He said no to my like totally awesome sexy advancements 'cause he only had eyes for you. He said that like especially after last night he was sssuupper into you. What did you do? Did you show him that weird trick with shoving things up your nose and having them come out your mouth?"

Remus fiddled with his fingers before forming his hands into pseudo mouths and mimicking kissing.

"KISS!? You kissed him!? But you didnt fuck him!? C'MON REMUS!"

Remy let out a long sigh to try and not get needlessly annoyed at him. This whole situation must have been just as hard on him as it was on them. They moved their tail to cup his cheek.

"You've done this like sssooo many times girlie. Can you just do him and get this over with so we can all like hopefully return to normal. Y'know I have barely been able to see Emile lately 'cause I've been so busy searching for you! So I could help! Which you clearly needed or who knows you would have kept playing around with your human toy for another few months while Roman- While-"

Their words simmered out and he didn't respond.

"I can't stay here forever” Remy continued “I probs should have gone already in case the manager is like keeping watch over you. The manag-shit has been on our ass down in hell y'know and Roman-"

Remus cut them off by putting his hand lightly over their mouth, if he heard about Roman he wouldn't be able to say what he was about to

'What if I dont want to go back to my normal life?'

It felt like a sin to ask.

Remy scoffed at it and nearly laughed before realizing he was being serious.

"Be for real now. What's gonna change? You're gonna have to feed no matter what. And like even if you go back to hell you can still visit earth if you've started liking human things. Cmon Janus is clearly into you! It's gonna be easy! And you're right! He won't last long! It'll totally be over before you know it-"

'What if I dont want to kill him'

"What's his little human life gonna change? he'll like die eventually and we'll all just keep feeding and getting fucked over by the higher ups. He will be gone before you know it"

'But I like him' Remus' hands fell to his lap after he had signed it.

Remy sat up and threw the ice cubes away to the trash can so they could pull their arm around him.

"That still won't change anything. Like it's been what? almost 2 months? Can you just get it over it. Emile's stressed and Roman- Romans not speaking" Remy rolled their eyes at what they had just said "Obviously he's not speaking! and you're not like either but I mean- Like- You're communicating! Ever since you got kicked down to heaven and she told us 'bout the Janus thing she's just stopped talking to anyone ever since and- Ugh it doesn't matter. I don't have to tell you cause' like tomorrow you'll see her again! 'Cause you'll go and get comfy with Janus and it'll be over before you know and then you and Roman can sort everything out!"

'......Why is Ro-Ros life going back to normal more important than me not wanting to go back to a life I hate"

"Cause he's-"

'It can be changed' Remus could feel bile of anger in his throat 'I will mangle my old life with my bare hands if I have to'

"Girl don't be selfish now-"

'When me and Janus kissed I fed' His hands were steadier as he signed 'And not in a lustful way. I know because I kissed his roomate a few days ago and it was a lustful kiss and it was disgusting. This wasnt like that. This feeding was different. I wasnt feeding on lust'

Remy stared at him in silence for a few eternal seconds before their mouth fell open and they cast their arms around him and shook him around.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU START WITH THAT!?!?! THIS CHANGES SHIT! If you got- You got a chance to like live without having to like feed in a way you don't want that's-" They took his head in their hands and shook him lightly around "That's amazing!"

Remus let up into a tearful smile as he put his hand on top of theirs and nodded.

"Do you think Janus is the special link? Or is it you who have like changed? Do you feel like you're not starving?" They dragged in his shirt to see if his ribs were still poking out which made him silently giggle from the tickling feeling "I'm like sorry I haven't- I can't understand like how feeding works for you but if you tell me you're happy like this I'll fucking help you forever and ever girlie, okay?"

The questions fired off too quickly for him to be able to answer them and he instead shrugged repeatedly.

'But he is human. He will die eventually. Soon for us' He repeated what Remy had said earlier.

They waved it off "That was BEFORE you dropped this bomb on me! He's like totally special clearly! And more importantly you clearly like him enough to give shit up for him! He's like worth this. He's worthy for you!"

'But loving a human is what Patton did'

He didn't say anything of it but he wondered what if once he gave in to being a Patton he would end up doing everything Patton had done. If he would end up killing Janus no matter what eventually.

Remy squished his cheeks together "The Patton myths are fucking bullshit!"

Remus moved his hands to sign but Remy took his hands to stop him.

"It's bullshit! Pure bullshit! If you like this Janus guy so much then just go for it and it will work out SOMEHOW! We will make everything work out! And me and you and Emile and Roman and Janus and even his fucking roomate if he wants to join will be okay. You wanna know how I know that"

He nodded.

"'Cause I got a head full of white hair and my hearing is gone and my life still worked out and I still wouldn't take any of the shit I did back 'cause I still got Emile and that makes it all worth it! And I know you and Janus can work out even as like a demon and a human 'Cause- 'Cause Emile used to be an angel! And we are still here! Alive! And together!"

As soon as Remy had said it they slapped their hands over their mouth and looked away as if taken by surprise of their own admission, but Remus moved his arms around their waist, sank his head against their back and held them just like they had held him.

Remus held up his hands and simply made a heart to show Remy. He heard them let out something between a laugh and a scoff.

"....Giirllll it feels nice to finally get that off my chest. He's my angel babey. My angel lover. My angel. My angel. My Angel”

Emile & Remy Part 1

Emile & Remy Part 2

[ivenothingtosaybutillsayitanyway]

about that accent post, what does a roman accent sound like vs other italian regional accents?

I love languages and over-explain stuff so this might get long... I'm sorry about that.

Italy has an incredibly diverse language landscape, because it wasn't a country until 160ish years ago, multiple different languages evolved from Latin at the same time.

So for example Sardinian, Sicilian, Friulian and Neapolitan are languages and "cousins" of modern Italian (which comes from Tuscan), they have their own grammar rules and worlds that aren't similar to their Italian translation. They aren't mutually intelligible with each other or with Italian.

It's very interesting because history plays a role on how the language was formed, so while the base is always Latin depending with whom that place had more contact (basically either who invaded us or who we invaded) you can see words popping up in that dialect that come from another language. So there is a little bit more Arabic infused in Sicilian, Greek in Apulian, Sloven in Friulian etc.

So while Roman is not a language but a dialect we do have more words that come from liturgical Latin and French.

The main difference with Roman I'd say is the attitude, like we live in the capital, we have places to go, traffic to be stuck in we do not have time to pronounce every letter.

An example:

eng: "I don't want to go there"

ita: "(io) non ci voglio andare"

rom: "n'ce vojo anna"

here you can see a few of the things that are very common in the Roman dialect, the first is that the infinitive forms of Italian verbs always end in -re (or better they end either in -are, -ere or -ire) a Roman will almost never pronounce the -re andare -> anna' (to go)

giocare -> gioca' (to play)

piovere -> piove' (to rain)

dormire -> dormi' (to sleep)

In the case of andare we also "semplify" the d and just add another n to the sound. That is also very common.

Another sound that is peculiar of the roman dialect is the consonantic i which we tend to write as a j just as they would do in Latin (up to a certain point) but that has become a GLI (similar sound but not exactly the same) in Italian.

Yugoslavia is Jugoslavia in Italian, but it is pronounced the same exact way. In most other words the consonantic i sound is written as either I (es ieri, yesterday) or GLI.

fun fact, I cannot for the life of me properly pronounce the GL and it's the thing that usually clues people in on the fact that I am from Rome. So voglio becomes vojo. Other features include:

putting double consonants were there are none:

sedia -> sssedia (chair)

numero -> nummero (number)

only pronouncing one consonant were it should be a double:

terra -> tera (earth)

changing Ls into Rs when they are followed by a consonant:

albero -> arbero (tree)

changing Is into Es

ci -> ce (it can mean so many things, in the example I gave before it was "there")

using "ao" to mean everything from "hello" to "what are you thinking" to "are we going to have a problem"

There are so many more examples and subtle differences and I could keep talking about it for hours but I feel like this is enough for now, let me know if you have questions :)

[fierceawakening]

Okay, so I've got more people asking about Phyrexian and we now know a lot of the fan-made Field Guide is inaccurate. (DO NOT GET ME WRONG, it is absolutely amazing how much GuruJ_ figured out on his own. Seriously that guy is a language wizard and I for one would know like 1/16 of what I do now if I had not used it to learn from. But bits of it are very off and it's easier to learn things correctly than to learn them wrong and have to learn them again.)

So, here's... an attempt to teach a conlang, by me.

@threeoftwelve @izzet-league-mad-scientist whoever else

Lesson 1: Alphabet/How To Write Things

The Phyrexian alphabet is huge. Intimidatingly huge. Here's the version WOTC uses and where it is on their website (for the moment):

https://magic.wizards.com/en/news/feature/a-breakthrough-in-phyrexian-language-and-communications

The vertical line through any letter is called the "voice line" officially. I believe it is called that because the shapes of the letters and the radicals many carry indicate how that letter is pronounced.

People with more of a linguistics background than me can tell you in detail how this works. I can never remember it all, so I'll just note here that there are patterns to which letters are related that point to how they sound/how the mouth makes them.

(Consider the difference between how you make "mmm" and "nnn" sounds for m and n, with your lips, and how you make "sss" or "zzz" for s or z.)

So it's a "voice line" because the way a letter is written or angled with respect to it tells you how it's said aloud.

Because of this, Phyrexian can be written vertically or horizontally. It's most properly written vertically but there are canonical instances of it being oriented horizontally. A lot of us working on deciphering it typically write horizontally just because scrolling vertically to read long sentences is a pain.

If you're writing sentences, you indicate which way you're going with a starting marker at the beginning of your sentence and an ending hook at the end. (Think of the hook as a period. The starting bar is coded into most font versions as ^ so you'd write ^this is my sentence.)

For a basic sentence (not a question or an exclamation), these look like:

or, for dash space preservation, horizontally:

You use this marker between words (coded in fonts as - usually):

or horizontally:

So, just to show what this looks like, a simple greeting would be written (horizontally) as:

^xe-'ɒtan.

I greet you.

(two words in Phyrexian, separated by the -)

The major thing to notice about the letters starting out is:

Any letter that has three lines extending from the voice line is a vowel, as is the letter that looks like an O with a line through it. These lines tell you how the sound is made. The one that looks like an O is "the neutral vowel" or schwa, and has no lines because it's "generic vowel sound."

If that's confusing, say the following words in English one after the other, not enunciating or trying to sound precise, just... how you'd generally say them:

Gorilla

Camel

Pencil

Lemon

Album

The highlighted vowel is written differently in each of these words, but in all of them it's pronounced roughly like "uh." This is because it is Generic Lazy Vowel. So while in English, it's represented literally every which way, in Phyrexian you're focusing on how the letters SOUND, and they all SOUND the same.

So "uh" gets its own letter. And gets to be Very Pretty, for the Official Vowel Of Lazynoise.

Everything else is a consonant. The different angles and things represent what kind of consonant they are.

There are a few things in Phyrexian we don't have in English:

The letter shown on the chart as ' is called a glottal stop. It's made by abruptly stopping the flow of air as you speak. Think of how you say "uh-oh" or how you say "button," again not enunciating. You kind of... well, stop after the "uh-" part. "Button" comes out kind of like "buh n" with a little... noise in the middle that isn't there if you just say "bun."

Phyrexian also has "metallic" consonants. These are similar to regular consonants, but have a metallic aspect to them that humans, being fleshy, can't pronounce.

The glottal stop is (sometimes) one of these. It's most properly pronounced with a bell-like metallic noise in it, though you can leave it out if you don't mind sounding a bit like a rube. So the best fleshy approximation is that air-stoppy-thing.

Four consonants with a ' radical on them, ǩ, ť, π, and ǧ, are metallic versions of their counterparts. The ' indicates that these are followed by a clanking sound. Fleshlings can vaguely approximate this by pronouncing them as ejectives. (I am not sure what this is. I think it's blowing more air out so they pop more. Make a p sound and then do it again with your whole chest and I THINK that's the difference.)

π is both ejective and accompanied by a snapping sound.

Four consonants with a cross-like radical on them, φ, ķ, ţ, and ǥ, are also metallic. These are accompanied by a breath that sounds like a knife being sharpened. Fleshlings can vaguely approximate this by pronouncing them as aspirated (Again, not sure but I think they're kind of breathy, with your lips and not your whole throat.)

Finally, š is also metallic. It's pronounced like "sh" (what most languages would mean by š rather than plain s) but also is accompanied by a metallic sound like a blade being drawn from a metal sheath.

The metallics are important to at least be aware of in general because there are certain times in which, say, a word with k in its base form might have ǩ in its conjugated one.

If there are extra ' s or + s in the letter, it's probably metallic. I believe the one exception is h. What are you doing, h?

The other letters that look weird are letters English doesn't have (or has but doesn't have specific letters for, like the glottal stop in "button") but some other languages do. If you look those up, you should be able to find examples of how they're pronounced. (For example, without metallic embellishment, φ is the "ph" in "Phyrexia." It's close to f, like how we say ph in English, but slightly different.) If you want my guess/advice on any of them feel free to ask though.

Suffice it to say I'm sure I pronounce many Phyrexian words with a very heavy accent, even above and beyond the "doesn't have throat metal" fleshling accent I can't do anything about off an operating table. (Loud stage whisper to surgeons: You put it all too far down! I can’t talk right!)

AAAAAND I'm gonna stop there as that's a crap ton of information and I'm exhausted.

Next time: How Sentences Work.

[itsrapsodia]

in the tags of that undertale post you ask how in english we tell whether vowels are read together or as separate beats and how in english we dont use marks like dipthongs - the thing you have to understand about english is that the rules are stupid and also do not matter, so we dont know. there is no mark to tell you it is simply intuition and hearing other people say it and if you learn the word by hearing someone say it in a way not in line with the general consensus, oh well!

but for real ‘appreciation’ comes from both latin and french and the c is pronounced with a ‘sh’ sound, and in english usually if theres an i and an a next to each other, almost always theyll be read as two separate beats

so its uh-pre-she-ay-shun

theres a reason we make jokes about english beating up other languages in alleyways to rifle through their pockets for spare vocabulary

every day i grow more amazed and horrified at the english language sdkjnfsd

the "i and a next to each other almost always will be read as separate" is giving me so much psychic damage hahah. It's been a while since I was taught about hiatuses and dipthongs so i dont remember all the rules, but I remember i loved learning about it in school. Same as learning the rules of whether you write the accent in a word or dont, depending on the letter that the word ends in. There's just something really satisfying about having specific language rules that immediately tell you how a word works!

Though i guess y'all also have them, they just depend on the root language instead of having it be a standardized one!

[cogniabletech12]

Speech Therapy for Children in Gurgaon: Joining Hands with Cogniable to Tackle Speech and Language Issues

The development of speech and communication is a vital area of a child's development. But there are infants, toddlers and school age children who do not know how to make effective communication and that can hinder their social, emotional and learning skills. If your child is facing a problem with their speech or language, then a speech therapist can certainly help. In Gurgaon, Cogniable is one of the reputed clinics that provide efficient advanced speech therapy for kids in Gurgaon who have these issues so that they are able to realize their potential.

How Speech Therapy Works

Speech therapy is working on any and every aspect of communication such as a child’s verbal communication, comprehension, physical articulation, and fluency. Many of such difficulties in children require prompt remediation services as a form of treatment to curtail further hindrances or disorders.

Some often indicators that your child may need a speech therapist are:

Difficulty pronouncing specific words or letter sounds correctly.

Using fewer words than expected at that particular age.

Inability or difficulty to comprehend or execute some commands.

Difficulties in smooth speech without blocking (stammering).

Abnormal characteristics of the voice such as tonality, strength and quality.

Why Would You Hapthen To Select Cogniable for Speech Therapy in Gurgaon?

Cogniable is renowned for customising its evidence-based speech therapy for kids in Gurgaon . Its integrated approach caters any child and ensure that he/she gets the best care. Here is what makes Cogniable different from the rest such as:

Expert Therapists

Cogniable comprises of a distinct team of certified speech-language pathologists containing numerous years of experience dealing with the diagnosis and treatment of the numerous categories of speech and language disorders.

Individualized Therapy Plans

Each child has its own specific problems that they face and hence, at Cogniable, children are been catered to particular plans that are aimed at addressing the specific problems that a child faces. These plans ensure effective and efficient interventions.

Advanced Techniques

In a bid to ensure that therapy is made interesting and effective for the children at the same time, Cogniable makes use of state-of the art Interactive and technology-driven tools.

Parental Involvement

Understanding that a therapy is a joint effort, Cogniable encourages parents to be active participants of their child’s therapy. Focus on training parents and frequent updates enable them to facilitate their child’s progress at home.

Convenient Location in Gurgaon

Cogniable is positioned well within the routes of the child’s learning disabilities since it is well within the centre of Gurgaon their environment is also suited well to the young children for their comfort.

How Speech Therapy at Cogniable is Beneficial For Children

Speech therapy is more than just a tool to rectify one’s speaking skills; it’s a strong medium to equip a child with the most fundamental and basic ability of communication. This is how speaking aids work at Cogniable:

Correct Sounds: Assisting children in their pronunciation for a clear sound delivery.

Development of Language: Expansion of vocabulary, grammatical and comprehension skills.

Fostering Self Esteem: Motivating children to always be self expressive regardless of the environment that they find themselves.

Improved Social Ability: Refinement of speaking skills for better relationships.

Getting Started with Cogniable

If you are looking for preschool speech therapy in Gurgaon , then look no further than Cogniable. They provide a speech therapy candidate with a holistic approach customized for child’s speech therapy needs which is determined during an initial evaluation. With a results-oriented therapy plan, nurturing setting and an equally competent staff, there will never be a dearth of opportunities for a child to blossom in each and every aspect of their development.

If you want your child to succeed and be competitive, take the first step in reaching out to Cogniable right now and arrange for a consultation and start fostering your child’s ability to converse in an efficient manner.

[japanese-cryptic-beauty]

Post 2: Correcting Post 1

Or: The journey of Japanese is a journey of folly.

So, I wrote that Japanese has pitch but it's usually not important for meaning, you just sound unnatural.

... Which is something you could say ... Kinda ... sorta ...

Only the Universe has been bombarding me with the importance and prevalence of pitch ever since. So I want to qualify the statement, at least.

Check out this interesting post I found here. Now, if I read this slightly cryptic answer right (it talks about "word-accent" which I assume can mean both "pitch" - Japanese, Chinese - and "stress" - English), pitch is significant to distinguish words with same sounds (homonyms) as follows: Chinese - 71%, Japanese - 13%, English - 0.47%.

Unsurprisingly, in a language (Chinese) using (in its standard pronunciation/main dialect) 5 pitches to differentiate words, pitches are "damn important" (71%). But 13% is actually also quite significant. Your mileage may differ.

Personal bias in skimming information

Now, for me, myself, this is not so surprising. I may have come across the information that pitch exists in Japanese probably twice but my brain may have chosen to willfully ignoring it.

(Textbooks may mention it but then omit it to not overload beginners, I guess.)

Thing is, I have a horrible history with learning how to stress words in other languages. These little accent-y things and squiggles on top of words? They're my nemesis. So I guess I wanted there to be no equivalent of that in Japanese.

I had three years of Ancient Greek in school, an investment of my time that taught me a valuable lesson: Don't learn Ancient Greek. I'm kidding - or am I? - the valuable lesson was to do my choices in a less knee-jerk way. In hindsight, nothing of value would have come of learning Ancient Greek even if I did well. Your opinion may differ. Fine. I really think it's a colossal waste of time unless you make a job choice requiring it. The best it could have done for me was get better at the learning itself or the learning of languages in general. But it failed in the most important thing that language does: connecting people. If it fails at that, it barely has any right to remotely exist as a subject. Nobody likes you Ancient Greek, go away.

Besides the letters, Greek gave me major problems with the stress accents. Put it on a syllable and I would never manage to pronounce the word. I always put the stress wrong. My brain hasn't unlocked how that works. I notice the same in Spanish. I may emulate a speaker (not that I speak Spanish, but when I repeat after someone), but even then I might not even hear the difference.

I know I've aggravated my Swedish teacher for not hearing the difference between his "ooh" and "uh" sounds he was making for the letter "u." (Ironically a song based entirely on the sound "U" is now playing on shuffle.) Hopefully continued exposure and awareness of the problem might help...

There's some good news, though

While my chosen learning method of WaniKani doesn't display stress, it features two speakers, Kyoko and Kenichi that say the readings. I wondered on occasion if they were real, but they do use pitch when pronouncing words. (And they might slightly vary between each other.)

So there's a neat little feature:

You pick your speaker and chose to let pronunciation play out every time the reading is featured - in case of reviews after you transcribed it yourself first.

I have to admit I was in the habit of not playing it when I could do multi-kanji word readings well, but this exposes me to pitch and pronunciation peculiarities I might otherwise ignore.

More exposure!

[EDIT:] Probably more good news, depending where you come from

So, in researching this I came across this article. It provides two pieces of context that I want to quote .

A reply to a letter to the editor of a manga magazine printed in Romaji (without accent marked) quoted in point 5: "When two or three words sound exactly alike except for pitch accent, context is going to resolve the ambiguity virtually 100 percent of the time. In practical terms, accent is probably the least important aspect of Japanese pronunciation no matter what your level of language skill."

In other words, even bad pitch accent will be understood almost always. This is where I first will employ the most horrible, stereotypical example that's ALWAYS trotted out to justify anything: the chopsticks/bridge example.

Chopsticks and bridge both transcribe to "hashi" (and to the same Hiragana). They only vary in rising and falling pitch. Now you could argue that makes pitch important. But as the above quote states - context usually resolves that quite reliably.

I mean, having browsed reddit and Quora for a while, you will inevitably see this being trotted out, and people ask the rhetorical question: Don't you think it's important to know if the bridge is burning or a set of chopsticks?

Rhetorical questions are, of course, only questions in the most technical sense. They're usually just people being smug or actually making biased or even bad faith arguments.

As mentioned above, people are not dumb. Japanese is already incredibly context-sensitive. You constantly have to keep track of things said before - because omission is common. You can leave out the subject because you mentioned it before as "the topic." Good luck with translating that, AI...

You usually can infer what is being said. But propagators of the burning chopstick dilemma are trying hard to make you think their way. Or are they even trying? It's so tired an example. If there were lots of these, surely people would quote them, too? Who cares what's going on with the damn bridge, anyway?!?

Okay, moving on.

I found this from point 6 a very useful and probably true assessment: "People without hearing impairments can mimic the melody of language, but they can hardly interpret visual accent markers into the oral/aural domain without special training because visual and auditory stimuli are processed very differently in the human brain. In all likelihood, the author of the above-mentioned letter simply feels more comfortable visually with accent markers. But using such markers to speak Japanese creates pronunciations that are worse than a crude synthesizer."

Well, I was notoriously bad at it in one language already. I guess I will hold my horses on trying to make that my method. Thankfully, audio material is available in enormous quantities, so we can learn from the melody of native speakers. And that is good news.

[lethinhchanhung]

SEEING IS BELIEVING

Well said! 👏 And it's true... in most cases. 

If you are learning a foreign language, you should never believe what you see. 🫣

For Vietnamese people who are learning English (actually, this applies to any language that uses the Latin alphabet), if you BELIEVE what you SEE, your pronunciation will get funky. 🥴 

For instance, "CH" is pronounced in different ways, in Vietnamese, in English and in French. 🤯

Even within a single language, such as English, "TH" is pronounced differently in "breath" and "breathe" 😬. 

So, how are you supposed to deal with these crazy languages? Do you have to find a native speaker and ask them to pronounce every word you encounter?

The answer is simple: NO!

The problem is, the letters LOOK the same, but they ARE NOT the same! 

Linguists realized this fact years ago, and to cope with these tricky-sneaky letters, they invented the International Phonetic Alphabet (IPA) to truly show you what you can (and should) believe. ✨

You might ask: "Why do I even need to learn the IPA? My neighbor is a native speaker! 😾". 

Uh-huh, pretty cool! Your neighbor can definitely help you with your pronunciation. Nonetheless, if you genuinely want to sound like a native, your first step is mastering the IPA.

Your neighbor, as a native speaker and a nerd, can pronounce words accurately for sure! However, each interaction incurs a problem. Your neighbor (assuming he's super impatient) will get sick of your questions after helping you with 20-30 words. 

And even if he doesn't, your ears (in fact, it's your brain) find it nearly impossible to recognize new sounds by simply listening to them. 🙉

For example, in English and Vietnamese, the letter "G" has different pronunciations, which are represented by different IPA symbols: "g" and "ɣ", respectively. Without the IPA, 96% of people would say they're identical! (I made up the statistics 😅)

Of course! (I know what you're thinking 👽) You don't need perfect pronunciation to get others to understand you (it's freaking hard to achieve that 🐛). Regardless, a near-perfect pronunciation will enhance your credibility in professional settings, such as interviews and business meetings.

That's it! A brief introduction to the IPA. 🤠

To better understand the IPA, google "HELP IPA [LANGUAGE]" and look up IPA tutorial videos on YouTube.

In case you’re learning English, it's up to you to decide whether to learn an American accent or a British accent (or a mix of both). The goal is to communicate your message clearly and avoid misinterpretations.

Good luck on your language-learning journey! 🤞

Bonus:

There are 3 main levels of pronunciation:

1. Newbie 🐣: You speak with a heavy accent (you replace English syllables with those from your mother tongue).

2. Proficient 🐥: You pronounce every single word as it is transcribed in IPA. 

3. Mastered 🦅: You connect, swallow, and replace sounds to smoothen your speech. 

The IPA will (probably) leave you at level 2. Only by practicing and practicing with REAL English can you get to level 3. 🦖

Once again, break a leg!!! 🦝

(I'm not sponsored by Microsoft, though if you want to pay me, you're more than welcomed to do so🥸)

[morporkian-cryptid]

Multilingual Lupin III Gang shenanigans!

We know that everyone in the LoopGang is multilingual, and there is no way their conversations wouldn't be chaos half of the time.

For the purpose of these headcanons, here's what each of them speaks:

Lupin: French and Japanese (both native), English (fluent), can get by in a bunch of other languages and quickly get to a respectable level of fluency with a few weeks' study

Jigen: English (native), Japanese (fluent, spoke it as a kid in his family), Italian (picked up a lot of it in NYC), French (learned while in Nice with Joe of Spades, later perfected it with Lupin)

Goemon: Japanese (native), Ainu (fluent), a couple of Japanese dialects (nearly fluent/gets by), English (fluent or nearly), a bit of French (currently trying to learn it)

Fujiko: Japanese (native), English (fluent), pretty much fluent in a bunch of languages and can easily learn a new one, like Lupin

Zenigata: Japanese (native), English (not fluent but can get by, pretty bad pronounciation because he mostly learned in textbooks), can get by with the basics in a lot of languages

(You're all warmly invited to add your own headcanons!)

---

The Gang is having a conversation in Japanese, a few English words are being thrown around, and Goemon can't remember a word in Japanese.

Cue Goemon having a small identity crisis.

---

They can never remember which idiom comes from which language, and often get bewildered reactions from others when they get it wrong.

(After Lupin told them a story about his father)

Goemon, solemnly: The son of a toad is a toad.

Jigen and Fujiko are keeled over with laughter, Lupin looks deathly offended.

----

Goemon texts in kanji, Fujiko mixes kanji with the occasional English word, Lupin writes in Japanese with roman letters, Jigen doesn't give a damn and writes in a lawless mix of Japanese and English. Their group chat is a nightmare.

----

Zenigata can't make a proper sentence in anything other than Japanese or English to save his life, but he can say "You're under arrest" and "Have you seen this man?" perfectly in 34 languages.

----

Lupin is usually well-spoken and polite, but in French he swears like a trucker. One day he stubs his toe against a table, and starts yelling "PUTAIN DE BORDEL DE MERDE D'ENCULE, FOUTUE TABLE DE MES DEUX!" (Fucking brothel of shit of ass-fucked, damned table of my two (implied: my two balls))

The next week, Jigen stubs his toe against the same table, and lets out one, loud, heartfelt, deeply american "FUCK!"

Fujiko forces them both to eat soap.

----

Fujiko and Lupin sometimes forget that the other two aren't fluent in a dozen languages, which can lead to conversations like this:

Fujiko (in German) : Hey, how would you say "Treppenwitz" in English?

Lupin (in German) : I dunno... (switching to English) Hey Goemon, how would you say "Treppenwitz" in English?

Goemon: ???????

----

One of the non-native English speakers mispronounces a word in front of Jigen, and learns that their whole life has been a lie.

Lupin: That guy was a total dum-bass!

Jigen, doing a double-take: What did you just say?

Lupin: He was a dum-bass. What? It's true.

Jigen: -snorts- Dum-bass.

Lupin: What??

Jigen: It's pronounced dum-ass, you idiot.

Lupin: It is WHAT?? That's completely stupid! Where did the B go???

Jigen: You pronounce "oiseaux" as "wazo" and you're asking me where the B went?????

----

Lupin trying to teach Jigen French:

Lupin: Marin.

Jigen: Marrant.

Lupin: No, that means "funny". Marin.

Jigen: Marron.

Lupin: That's "brown"!

Jigen: Why is every word in your godforsaken language pronounced the same???

Lupin: Says the guy whose language says "beach" and "bitch" the same way!!!

----

Jigen not understanding English words in Japanese sentences:

[In Japanese]

Lupin: I bought us some aisukurimu!

Jigen: Some what?

Lupin: Aisukurimu! Come help me put it in the freezer.

Jigen: What the fuck is aisukurimu? I just asked you to buy us some damn ice-cream!

----

Conversly, Goemon not understanding Japanese words used in other languages:

Lupin: Tu es un samouraï. (You are a samurai)

Goemon: ???

Lupin: Un sa-mou-ra-ï.

Goemon: I have absolutely no idea what you are saying to me.

----

Lupin (learned British English) and Jigen (from NYC) arguing for hours on whether it's po-tah-to or po-tay-to. Fujiko waltzes in after ten minutes, pronounces it with a thick Australian accent, then leaves. Shouting ensues.

----

Accidentally using straight translations of a word:

Goemon: Jigen, I can't find my wear-thing.

Jigen: Your what now?

Goemon: My wear-thing!

Jigen: .... YOU MEAN YOUR CLOTHES?

----

They're used to people in Japan not understanding English well, and thus speaking English among themselves when they don't want to be understood by others. This unfortunately does not work in other countries.

They also sometimes start speaking the wrong foreign language to the locals of whatever country they're in, because they travel so much they keep forgetting where they are.

----

Lupin is absolutely horrified by Frapanese and Engrish, Jigen is in stitches every time he sees it. He bought Lupin a tshirt that says "I don't need life I'm high on drugs". Lupin tried to burn it several times.

----

Goemon and Jigen are constantly fighting about the metric system vs imperial system.

----

In moments of panic, they can't remember certain words nor easily switch to another language, so you get warnings like "Put the stuff in the thing, it's gonna boom!"

----

Lupin finds out about the goémon, and never lets Goemon live it down.

(Alternatively: the Gang goes to France, a local discreetly asks Lupin why his partner is called Algae, Lupin cracks up)

----

Lupin and Goemon are cooking together, Lupin needs a specific utensil but cannot for the life of him remember its name, ends up asking for the "hot food shovel". Goemon also can't remember what it's called but give it to him nonetheless.

The next day at 3 in the morning, Goemon is brutally woken up by Lupin sitting up and yelling "SPATULA!!!"

----

Since they're constantly abroad, they're not up to date with the modern slang of their homeland.

Driver that Lupin honked at: Vas manger tes grands morts! (go eat your great deads)

Lupin: Ex-fucking-cusez moi????

----

Lupin is so used to the Japanese "r" he ends up saying "galage" instead of "garage".

One time he's working on a heist at 2 am, he's half-asleep, and accidentally signs his calling card "Rupan" in roman letters.

----

Lupin and Jigen are reading the newspaper, an article catches their eye and they start talking about it. It's only five minutes later, when they notice Goemon glaring at them, that they realize: they were speaking Italian the whole time.

----

During fights they tend to revert to their native language, so you get Lupin yelling in French and Fujiko responding in Japanese, neither of them willing to switch to accommodate the other. Jigen eventually joins in with a thick Bronx accent.

----

They also revert back to their native language during steamy times

Lupin gets really flustered from hearing Jigen speak French. Once, Jigen calls him "mon voleur" (my thief); Lupin's knees instantly turn into jelly.

[marauders-venting]

Pardon My French

pairing: wolfstar (sirius x remus)

genre: fluff

warnings: none

words: 3556

note: thank you to @ probably_wizardingworld_artist on instagram for helping me translate things into french. also i got some of the lines that sirius says from this website https://www.fluentu.com/blog/french/french-pick-up-lines/

a/n: if you dont speak french (like me) dont look up a translation! everything will be clear by the end of the fic and its more fun if you find out along with remus. i mean, i cant really stop you if you want to translate the sentences but thats just my advice :)

Remus was sitting in the library, a French to English dictionary open on his lap, sighing in frustration as he flipped through the pages. For the past couple of weeks, Sirius had taken to murmuring things in French under his breath and it drove Remus crazy that he didn’t know what they meant. He had asked Sirius on several occasions but Sirius always refused to tell him. But the fact that he didn’t understand the words wasn’t the only reason it drove him crazy when Sirius spoke French. It’s not Remus’ fault that Sirius sounds really hot when his lips curve around the words in “the language of love”.

Remus tries not to think about it but it’s becoming increasingly more difficult because every time they’re alone together Sirius seems to find something to say in French (if only to piss Remus off).

The last time Sirius had said something in French to him had been last weekend. It was the first sunny weekend since the winter and Marlene had suggested that they all go down to the lake for a swim.

Remus’ brain could barely form a single coherent thought from the moment Sirius took off his shirt; he was too busy trying not to stare. He remembered jumping into the lake and trying to get warm by swimming to the far side, away from all his friends. Sirius had followed him to make sure he was okay.

“I’m fine,” he had said, smiling slightly at Sirius. “Just cold.”

“Oh okay,” Sirius said, looking relieved. He had glanced back at their friends before whispering, “On devrait t’arrêter pour excès de beauté sur la voie publique” and submerging his head in the water and swimming back to James, Peter, Lily, Marlene, Dorcas, Mary and Alice. Remus had felt a shiver down his spine that had nothing to do with the cold.

Then there was the time that Sirius had skipped Quidditch practice to visit Remus in the hospital wing after a particularly bad full moon. James, being the captain, had been able to delay the practice so that he and Peter could come to visit as well but they had to practice for the game the following day. James had to be at the practice because he was the captain and Peter had to be there because they didn’t have another Keeper to fill in. But James had given Sirius permission to stay with Remus (which showed just how terrible he felt that he couldn’t stay as well). They watched a bit of the practice from the hospital wing but Remus was getting frustrated, having to stay in a hospital bed for so long. So, after clearing it with Madam Pomfrey, Sirius helped Remus climb all the way to the Astronomy Tower. They sat up there watching the sunset when Sirius said, “Il y a tellement de soleil dans tes yeux que je bronze quand tu me regardes.”

“Ugh, do you make it your life goal to patronize me?” Remus had said.

“Of course, Moony, what else would I live for?”

“Are you ever going to stop doing that?” he asked.

“Probably not,” Sirius had replied, grinning at him. “It’s too much fun.”

“Why do you even bother?” Remus said. “You know I don’t understand a single word of what you’re saying. Why don’t you go talk to someone who speaks French?”

“Because then they’d know what I was saying,” Sirius replied simply. He had refused to answer any more of his questions.

Remus had needed to spend that night in the hospital wing again. All night, Sirius’ voice rang through his head but every time he tried to make something coherent of it, actually words or letters or even sounds, he couldn’t. He could never remember what Sirius had said long enough to actually look it up or ask anyone.

But lately, Remus had noticed that Sirius had been repeating the same sentence in French practically every day. He recognises the sound of the words in Sirius’ mouth.

So today, Remus waited until he was alone with Sirius, waited for Sirius to say what Remus knew he would. And when he did Remus repeated the words in his head a million times until he remembered them. And now Remus was in the library and looking up the words in a dictionary. 

He knew that he could’ve gone to Lily and asked her to translate it for him but he didn’t want to. He knows it’s stupid but he feels like this is something that Sirius is saying to him and only to him. Remus had never heard Sirius whisper in French to anyone else. And as much as Remus pretended to be annoyed by it, he actually liked that he had this with Sirius. He liked that they had something that was just their own. And even though it was probably nothing, he didn’t want to share it with Lily right now.

Chaque jour je tombe plus amoureux de toi. That was the sentence. Remus looked up each word individually and came to the conclusion that he must have heard wrong or maybe the words were spelt differently to how they were pronounced. Because there was no way in hell that Sirius had said these words to him. It was impossible. Right? Remus didn’t know. And he knew that the only way he could be sure was by asking Lily. He had asked Sirius a million times to no avail. And he needs to know what Sirius has been saying to him, especially now that there’s a chance… No, Remus tells himself, you just translated wrong. Don’t get your hopes up. So Remus gives in. He’d rather ask Lily and find out what Sirius has been saying to him every day for the last month than keep this to himself without even understanding it.

“Hey Lily,” he started, getting her attention. Remus had waited until the two of them were alone, just in case he had translated right. Which he hadn’t. He knows he translated it wrong. But he’d still rather nobody knew about it. “What does ‘chaque jour je tombe plus amoureux de toi’ mean?” He fumbled across the words a bit, hearing how terrible his pronunciation was. Lily looked at him, her eyebrows raised.

“Where on earth did you hear that sentence?” she asked.

“I read it somewhere,” Remus lied easily. “So what does it mean?”

“It means ‘every day, I fall more in love with you.’” Remus’ jaw dropped open. “Remus, who told you they’re in love with you?”

“What? Nobody! What makes you think someone said that to me?”

“You said that you read that sentence somewhere but if you had read it, you would have no idea how to pronounce it. Besides the look on your face when I told you what it means is more than enough. So who was it?”

“None of your business,” he said. “But y–you’re kidding, right? That’s not actually what it means. Right?”

“No, I’m not kidding, Rem. That’s what it means,” she replied, laughing at the look on his face. “Come on, tell me who it was.”

“No fucking way,” Remus said. “Besides, they’re probably joking. I mean… no, they’re definitely joking.” Lily shrugged.

“Just ask them,” she said. “And then you have to tell me who your secret admirer is.” She poked him in the side.

“Stooooop,” he said, jumping away from her and laughing against his will. “I’m going.” He got up and started walking away.

“Have fun with your mystery lover,” she called after him without looking back. Remus rolled his eyes but his mind was racing. So apparently he hadn’t been wrong. That was what Sirius had said to him. What does this even mean? He’s teasing you, said a voice in his head, like always. Sirius doesn’t love you. Not like that. But he said he does. Don’t be stupid. Sirius isn’t in love with you. He’s joking. Like always.

The next time Sirius said it, they were in the Room of Requirement. Sirius had ambushed Remus in the middle of his prefect rounds with Lily levitating a cardboard box in midair. Typical. He had practically given Remus a heart attack by interrupting his conversation with Lily, leaving Remus to wonder just how much of the conversation he had overheard.

“So have you talked to your mystery French lover yet?” Lily had teased. Remus groaned.

“No, I haven’t,” he said. “And I probably won’t.”

“Why not?” Lily demanded. “They’re being very romantic, Remus, you should at least appreciate their effort.”

“I’d appreciate it more if they’d just tell me what the fuck they want instead of sending me coded messages that they know I don’t understand,” Remus grumbled.

“Moonyyyyy,” Sirius said, coming up from behind him. Remus jumped, turning around, heart racing in his chest.

“Sirius? What are you doing here?” he asked. “You know it’s after hours, right?” Sirius snorted.

“Yes, Remus, I am fully aware of the fact that I’m breaking a school rule,” he said, smirking.

“Are you aware that technically Remus and I have to turn you in?” Lily said.

“Ah, but do you really plan on doing that, Evans?” Sirius asked.

“That depends,” she replied. “Why are you here?”

“Right,” Sirius remembered, then he turned to Remus. “James forgot to put this box with the rest of the stuff for tomorrow so I said I’d take it. And you’re coming with me.”

“Remind me why again?” Remus said.

“Moony, come on, don’t make me go alone. I’ll be lonely,” Sirius pouted.

“You are insufferable, did you know that?”

“And yet, you’ve tolerated me for 6 years now.”

“Yeah, the keyword there is ‘tolerated’,” Remus said, rolling his eyes. “Lils…” he started, turning to her.

“Nope,” she said before he could even ask. “No way. You are not leaving me to do these rounds alone because then I’ll die of boredom. So unless you want me to tell McGonagall that your planning something for tomorrow, you’re going to finish this floor with me and then I’ll go back to the common room and you can do whatever the fuck you want.”

“Evans…” Sirius pouted.

“Nope, that’s non-negotiable, Black. Also, do I want to ask?” She gestured to the hovering box.

“The less you know, the better,” he said. “Although, I would avoid the classrooms near the dungeons tomorrow if I were you.” She nodded and Remus thought he saw her smile slightly for a second.

“You go on, I’ll catch up,” he said to Sirius, knowing that Lily’s mind would not be changed. He couldn’t blame her. He wouldn’t have let her leave him to finish this chore alone either. She was right, it was painstakingly boring. Which is why he would much rather be with Sirius. But it was only fair that he finished tonight’s rounds with her; she did cover for him around the full moon, after all.

Sirius pouted but knew better than to argue and turned to go to the Room of Requirement. Remus watched him and he disappeared up a flight of stairs. Only then did he notice Lily was smirking at him.

“What?” he asked, sounding a bit defensive.

“So Sirius is your secret French admirer?” she said.

“W–What?” he spluttered. “What makes you think that?”

“Well, for one, the look on your face when he showed up right behind us while we were talking about your mystery lover,” Lily said. “It was the look people make when you’ve just been talking about someone and then they show up and you’re worried that they may have overheard you.”

“That… is a very specific look,” Remus said, avoiding the question she was asking.

“Then you smiled at him when you called him insufferable,” she said.

“So?”

“So it was one of those I’m-smiling-at-you-while-I’m-teasing-you-cause-I’m-secretly-in-love-with-you smiles.”

“Again, that's a very specific expression,” he said.

“Look, I know you like him, so will you just admit it already?”

“Why? What good would that information do you? It’s for me to worry about and for Sirius to never discover, ever.”

“Remus, you’re kidding, right?” she said. “Sirius literally told you that he loves you, in French no less.”

“Exactly, Lily. In French. If he actually meant it, why would he say it in a language that he knows I don’t understand? He just knew that I would look it up and he wanted to make some joke.”

“I really don’t think so, Remus,” Lily said, shaking her head. “I think he really loves you.”

“He doesn’t,” Remus said. “He can’t. Not like that.”

“Remus, do you love him?” she asked. Remus closed his eyes.

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I love him.”

“So why are you doing this to yourself? Just ask him what he meant when he said it. You don’t even have to tell him anything, just ask him what he meant.”

“But… what if he says it was a joke?”

“First of all, I don’t think he will,” Lily said. “But if he does, that’s what you’re expecting, isn’t it? It won’t be a surprise or anything.”

“I know, I know, I just…” Remus sighed and looked away from her. “I don’t think I’m ready to hear him say it. To be properly rejected.”

“Oh, Rem,” she said. They had reached the end of the corridor and Lily stopped to hug him. “Obviously I’m not going to make you do anything. You know what I think. Go find Sirius now, he’ll be waiting for you. Do what you think is right.”

“Yeah,” Remus said, hugging her back. “Yeah, okay.” So Lily went in the direction of the common room and Remus went to the Room of Requirement.

He found Sirius sitting with his back against the wall, the box beside him.

“You’re an idiot,” Remus told him, trying to put the conversation with Lily out of his mind. “You’re practically begging to get caught.” Sirius shrugged.

“I was waiting for you,” he said. “Come on, let’s go in.” They paced back and forth in front of the wall three times. We need a place to hide our things, Remus thought. A door appeared and Sirius opened it, leading the box in with his wand. They had been here before to hide loads of things. The room was pretty cluttered from years of students dumping their things in it but they knew where exactly to hide the box so that they’d be able to find it tomorrow when they needed it. Remus followed Sirius through aisles upon aisles of junk, looking at all the broken, discarded things people threw in here.

They found the corner where they’d left everything else and Sirius added the box to the rest of the pile.

“Are we done here?” Remus asked.

“Yep, we can leave now,” Sirius said. They had started walking back towards the door when Remus heard Sirius say it from behind him.

“Chaque jour je tombe plus amoureux de toi.” Remus turns to him and stops him in his tracks.

“Pads, why do you keep saying that? Who are you talking to?”

“Remus, you are aware that you’re the only one here right? I’m talking to you.”

“Then why… why are you—?”

“I know, I know, you don’t understand French,” Sirius says. “That’s why it's fun. It’s amusing to know something that you don’t, for once.”

“Sirius… I know what that sentence means,” Remus says quietly. Sirius’ neck snaps up.

“What?”

“I know what that sentence means,” Remus repeats.

“No, you don’t,” Sirius says, shaking his head.

“Yeah, I do. I asked Lily after the last time you said it. She translated for me.”

“Fuck, I didn’t know Lily could speak French,” Sirius says, rubbing a hand over his face. “So… so this whole time you’ve known what I’m saying? So you know that I… you know that I… oh god, Remus I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… I didn’t want to… I was just…” Sirius starts to back away, shaking his head and looking anywhere but at Remus. Remus reaches out and grabs his hand.

“Don’t go,” Remus says. “Sirius. Is it a joke? Are you making a joke? Actually, no, don’t tell me. Cause if it’s a joke I’d rather you bury me under all the crap in this room and spare me the pain.”

“What?”

“It’s not a joke, is it?” Remus asked, a pleading look in his eyes.

“No,” Sirius said, softly. “It’s not a joke. I’m sorry, Remus, I didn’t mean to—”

“Shh,” Remus said, pressing a finger to Sirius’ lips. “Sirius,” Remus tucked Sirius’ hair behind his ear. Remus was vaguely aware of Sirius stepping towards him, towards his touch. “I love you, too.” Sirius gapes at him

“Really?” he whispers.

“Yeah,” Remus says. He’s still holding Sirius’ hand. He pulls Sirius closer and lets his other hand graze Sirius’ cheek.

“Puis-je t'embrasser?” Sirius whispers.

“Pads, I… I don’t know what that means.” Sirius lets out a small laugh and looks down at the floor. Then he looks back up at Remus, his grey eyes glistening in the last sliver of sunlight. He’s biting his lip.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Please,” Remus says, without thinking. He feels the blush blooming on his cheeks but Sirius is already kissing him, rising on his tip-toes to make his lips reach Remus’. Remus feels electric currents dancing around his body, unable to contain the excitement. He’s kissing Sirius. Sirius is kissing him back. Sirius loves him. Sirius loves him in the same way that he loves Sirius. Sirius is snaking his hands around Remus’ waist pulling him closer. Sirius’ hair is soft, tangled between his fingers. Sirius is here, in his arms, and it’s everything Remus has been wanting and more.

“Wait, so now can you tell me everything you’ve been saying in French the whole time?” They’re sitting in the same large armchair, hands still linked together, legs tucked against their chests, knees and thighs and hips pressed together. Remus is very aware of every point where his skin is making contact with Sirius’. He’s counting them.

They found the armchair in the Room of Requirement; it’s unclear to them whether the chair is something that’s been dumped in the room by somebody else or if the room conjured it up because they were looking for it. 

Neither one of them wants to go back to the common room yet. Remus doesn’t want to see Lily’s smirk and to have to admit she was right at the moment. He’ll do that tomorrow. Right now, all he wants is to be with Sirius. To press little kisses to his nose, his cheeks, his jaw, his lips just because he can.

“Oh god,” Sirius says, burying his face in between Remus’ shoulder and the back of the armchair. “It’s like you want me to embarrass myself.”

“This surprises you?” Remus kisses the corner of his mouth. Then his jaw. Then his neck. Just because he can. “Please.”

“Ah fine,” Sirius gives in. “Um, what do you want to know?”

“What did you say that day at the lake?” Remus asks.

“Oh that. I said, ‘on devrait t’arrêter pour excès de beauté sur la voie publique’. It means uh… ugh, you’re going to laugh at me for this. It means ‘you should be arrested for excessive beauty in public’,” Sirius said, blushing. Remus rolled his eyes but he felt his cheeks heat too. He smiles a little.

“What about that day on the Astronomy Tower?” he continues.

“Ugh,” Sirius buries his face in his hands. “You’re trying to kill me. I said, ‘il y a tellement de soleil dans tes yeux que je bronze quand tu me regardes’. Which means, uh… ‘there’s so much sun in your eyes that I get a tan when you look at me.’”

“You’re quite the poet, aren’t you?” Remus smiles. “And what about tonight?”

“I thought you said you knew what that meant,” Sirius says. “Or were you bluffing the whole time?”

“No, I know what it means,” Remus says. “I just want to hear you say it. In English this time, please.”

“So demanding,” Sirius teases. “I’ve said it in French a million times already and you want me to say it in English? What difference does it make?”

“Well, none to you, you speak both languages.”

“Oh, alright,” Sirius says. It’s the first time Remus has seen his face really go red. He decides he likes it. “Every day I fall more in love with you.” Remus can’t hide his smile, nor does he want to, as he leans in to kiss Sirius. He brushes his lips against Sirius’ timidly before connecting them, his hand caressing Sirius’ cheek. Remus loses count of the points of contact between him and Sirius as their bodies melt together and Remus worries that he’s about to wake up from a dream. But when he feels Sirius’ hand gently tracing the scars on his hand he knows that this is real, that Sirius can really love him. Sirius does love him.

People come to the Room of Requirement to throw things away, to hide things that they don’t want anybody else to know about, to leave things they never want to see again. But that night, Remus didn’t just leave something in the Room of Requirement. He found something, too.

[extremelyblackandwhite]

illicit affairs

pairing: sheriff lee bodecker x younger! reader

warnings: smut (18+), cheating, age gap

a/n: i love perfumes which smell of daisies so i made the reader use something like that. i do imagine her going for a very much female appearance and aura despite her personality and i can see lee fancying that sort of fragile femininity look paired with her independency. this song is based of illicit affairs from taylor swift but i was also listening to all too well at some points so i think some of that passed onto the writing. hope you enjoy xx

> DRESS

Leave the perfume on the self that you picked up just for him so you leave no trace behind like you don’t even exist. Take the words for what they are a dwindling, mercurial high, a drug that only worked the first few hundred times ... And you wanna scream don’t call me “kid”, don’t call me “baby”, look at this idiotic fool that you made me. You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else. And you know damn well for you I would ruin myself a million little times ...

The snow settled onto the ground, a view she could see from her white window. Sprawled against her window pane, the blue soft fabric of her dress cascaded down her body as she watched the snow fall and become one with the mass of white covering the once green grass of her home. Her feet dangled in anticipation, hair cascading into hairdresser set curls, held away from her face with a pearl barrette. Her fingers dangled across her collarbones, feeling the cold matching pearls which unlike her barrette clip, had been offered to her by Lee on thanksgiving. “A pretty girl like you deserves her own pearls” his voice echoed in her mind whenever her feeling felt the smooth irregular circle shapes of the pearls laying against her collarbones. There was nothing more than she wanted than to wear those pearls to the police winter ball, to show up wearing something he had bought for her with what money he gathered from his fickle Captain position, but she couldn’t. Everyone knew what she had, what jewellery she had, it was all valued at the insurance centre downtown and the pearl necklace definitely wasn’t. Her own pearls rested inside her ivory jewellery box along with the ribbon she was wearing around her waist when she first kissed him, and the comb that held her hair in place whenever she met him during windy nights. 

Her grandmother had left before her, leaving with the grocery shop owner as her date for the ball but she had stayed behind. She had told her she’d rather go alone, blaming her loneliness on the fact all the boys her age were either engaged thus going with their wives and the single ones not wanting to do with her. Of course that was further from the truth and as she watched the snow fall, she imagined Lee’s cruiser driving through the snow, stopping in front of her home and knocking on her door to take her. But those were nothing but impossible scenarios created from the deepest part of her psyche. Looking over her shoulder, the clock on her bedside table shone 9PM into bold red letters. She should get going before her grandmother got worried. Her eyes lingered across her beauty parlour to the silver platter with her perfume, the one she’d picked just for him after hearing how much he loved the smell of daisies. She had to leave it, she couldn’t put any perfume on, she couldn’t take her pearls, she doesn’t exist. At least, she as Lee’s lover does not exist for all that everyone could know and nothing hurt more than the sound of her pearls returning to her ivory box. It was were they belonged, away from everyone, hidden, a mysterious sin secret. 

With her white fur wrapped around her arms, she entered her glossy yet dull red car, pulling the hood up despite the weather. She wanted to feel the cold, she wanted that numbness to hide what she had been feeling for the last months. It was all so exhilarating when it began; the summer walks, laying in the middle of the forest in an old towel as he feed her ripe strawberries, escaping from her grandmother’s house at night and meeting him up under the apple tree in light dresses. However, at time wind down, she started to crave the rest of a relationship, the holding of hands. Instead what she got was clandestine meetings in parking lots, behind the bars or in the middle of the forest when no one could see them. She constantly told herself it was going to eventually be her turn, he was gonna leave Jane for her. Yet, she seemed to constantly fall on the same error every mistress before her did, the mistake of forgetting her place. Stopping in front of the old town hall where the ball was being held, she could see the soft lights, hear the laughter and it made her sick. She didn’t want to go in, she didn’t want to see those happy couples but she had too. She had to put up a show, be the little pedestal trouble starter woman she was expected to be and so she would. 

Stepping into the hall, her eyes immediately found Lee in the corner speaking with the Sheriff, arm draped over Jane’s shoulder while the other hand held a clear cup probably with his favourite drink. Her heart sunk to the same place it always did as she got lost in the dance floor. She knew everyone in this town hall, from the first boy she ever kissed Jonah and his third wife Elizabeth to Billy whom had been prom king with her. There was nothing new anymore and what once felt new and true was now anchoring her inside a fishbowl of images of her own mistakes and unfulfilled life needs. 

      - Hey, Y/N. - Billy called out for her attention. She held onto the fur wrapped around her for comfort as she prepared her facade of a happy girl at a happy party. - Your grandma told me you ain’t gotta a partner for tonight. Could’ve told me, I would’ve taken you. 

      - It’s ok, ain’t like I need a man. - she replied, almost angrily although he deserved no anger from her. - What’s the stage for? We’re getting a band tonight?

      - No, the new sheriff candidates announcing themselves tonight. Prepare for the blood bath. 

      - Sounds interesting. - she spoke out, her voice getting mumbled out as the mic’s sound hurt her and everyone else’s ear. The police chief stood there in his best attire, holding a small piece of papers, his fat thumbs hitting the mic to gather everyone’s attention. He already had their attention merely by wearing a cowboy’s hat with a formal suit. 

       - Now folks, we all now how much we gonna miss our good old Sheriff but it’s time to elect a new one. - his southern accent was pronounced, too pronounced, cartoonish even. Y/N remembered laughing as a child when she first heard him speak only to immediately shut up when her grandmother looked her way with a look which left room for no questions. She herself had barely developed an accent, her grandmother still very keen on instilling in her the education she herself had gotten. However, the longer she spent with Lee, the more it would sometimes slip; one or two words, nothing major. - Of course, Leroy is running again.

     - I don’t know why he tries. - Y/N whispered to Billy, concealed laughing smile behind her hand. 

     - You gotta admit it’s a good thing to imagine. Damned Leroy and his prostitutes running the town? We’d be forgotten by God.

     - We’re already forgotten by God. We were banished from the garden of Eden, don’t you remember? - she teased, always enjoying to toy around with the religion Knockemstiff was so hang up on. - We’re probably direct descendants. 

     - You ought to keep that mouth shut if you don’t wanna get in trouble. - he warned yet it went through deaf ears. Y/N liked stirring it, specially when it came to things which were so analytically flawed. 

The regular list of candidates continued to go from officers to common folk who all believed they could make the town better. At least that was all they said they wanted to get some votes but at the end of the day, they just wanted to control the town with an iron fist. Do what they wanted without anyone question it. She couldn’t blame it, humans are hardwired to go crazy for power and let it consume them so she just let it pass. She knew all the candidates, they were always the same. Leroy, Matthew, Edwards ... all the common ones, she even wondered why they kept announcing it. Those three competing for the sheriff position was as certain as the sun coming up each morning. 

      - The last candidate is our cap’tain Bodecker. - her head snapped to the stage as every sound seemed to dim until she was surrounded by pure silence. All she could hear was the buzz from her ears as she watched him climb up the stairs to the stage, shaking the chief’s hands. 

Everything seemed to be stuck in slow motion yet her mind was running faster than a shot bullet. The clapping was slow, everything was silent yet she could see their hands slowly clap and their lips moving in whispers. Her eyes roamed the crowd finding Jane right in front of the stage, looking up at him with adoration at the possible place she could possible hold; the sheriff’s wife. The slow motion ended with a loud crash and suddenly everything seemed just too fast. She ignored Billy’s pleas for her attention and moved straight to the small plastic tables covered in burgundy towels to make it look fancier where all the drinks and food were being held. One of her only friends from high school Mary was the one in charge, happily serving food and drinks to anyone who asked.

     - Hi Y/N. - she always looked like the perfect housewife and that was always what she wanted to be. Beautiful, bountiful blonde hair with a few flowers matching her pink dress. Despite it all, she was always nice to her even with their different life goals. 

     - Hey Mary. How’s Paul? I heard from rumours you two had quite a nice honeymoon. St.Louis, right? 

     - Yes. He booked us a nice honeymoon suite, it had flowers and those heart shaped beds and chocolates. It was real nice, I’m hoping to be pregnant soon. What about you? Your grandmother said you came alone. You could’ve told me, my brother would’ve taken you.

    - That’s alright, Mary. I don’t intend to stay for long ... Uhm, can I have a drink?

    - Of course. Sidecar, as per usual? 

    - I think I’ll just have a double cognac, please. Or maybe some gin ... whatever can make me dizzy the fastest.

    - Everything, okay?

    - Just need to forget some stuff, it’ll be okay. - she forced a smile. At least half that phrase was true. Mary served her up with her best gin and she returned to the dance floor, trying to blend with the rest of the attendees, however her baby blue dress was much too different from anything else in town. 

Y/N thought she’d be best outside where no one could see her and so she left, avoiding Billy who kept asking for her. She leaned against the old wood of the town hall, mascara running down her cheeks, and gin glass on the other one. She looked like the perfect warning tale of why you should not mess her married men. She knew better, she knew so much better but she still did it, like the idiotic little fool she seemed to be. Y/N sighed, the air condensing in the air as she drank from the glass.

     - Pull yourself together, Y/N. - she looked to see side, her grandmother standing outside with the look she used to give her when Y/N embarrassed her as a little girl. - What did you expect?

     - I’m just not having a good day, nana.

     - You’re hanging around with Captain Bodecker that’s what you’re doing.

     - What?

     - Don’t play innocent with me, Y/N. You’re just like your mother and I’ve raised your mother so I’d know. I saw you leave in his car last week. Do you want to defend yourself?

     - Is it even worth it? - she took a sip out of her drink. - What do you want me to say? 

     - I want you to pull yourself together and go inside. You better have this finished off before those elections start. I will not have my granddaughter be a home wrecker.

Y/N ignored it. There was nothing her grandmother could say that hurt more than what she was already feeling. She watched the snow fall from the cover of the banner covering the town hall, cold and icy yet somehow warmer than her. The drink didn’t last forever and although it was much stronger than what she was used to, she didn’t feel the slightest bit dizzy. It was if the universe was punishing her for her choices. She shook her head, leaving the glass onto one of the windows. She’d be better off at home and she’d already made her appearance. If someone asked where she was, she could’ve blamed it on their drunkness. Opening her little clutch, she started fishing for her keys through a sea of change, makeup and receipts. 

    - You better not be thinking of driving after you just drank. - she turned her head to see Lee with his hands on his waist, playfully smiling at her. His smile faded as he noticed the streaks of mascara from her eyes to her jaw. - Did that shithead Billy say something? 

     - No ... Lee, I wanna go home okay. - she sighed. - Can you just pretend you didn’t see me drink?

     - I was hoping we could spend the night together. Rent a hotel room outside town. A real nice place, with a pool and some room service. My treat of course.

     - I ... We can’t, Lee. Your wife is inside as she’s gonna notice you’re not there and you’re not home. 

     - She’s going home early. Jane’s been taking a few sleeping pills. She’s down for the night, won’t even notice. - he took a few steps closer to her, knowing everyone was too drunk to even remember. - I was waiting for you to come greet me, congratulate me. I can’t believe my girl wanted to leave before showing me how pretty she looked. 

     - You didn’t tell me you were running for Sheriff. - he cupped her face, thumb caressing her cheek. - You said it was a silly position.

     - Yeah but ... it’s a Sheriff. I could become Mayor, ya know. The old sheriff thinks I’d be good for it. - he scratched the back of his neck, something he always did whenever he was nervous or was confronted by something he did not expect. Y/N had learned to read him and knew him better than her own favourite books. - C’mon, kid. It’s a night worth celebrating, don’t you think?

     - Don’t call me kid. - she shot her head his way, his word hitting a particular hurt spot which she didn’t realise she had. 

     - Hey, I’m not trying to mock ya. - he rose his hands. - What’s wrong, huh baby? Hm? Tell me sugar, I hate it when you’re upset. Besides, if it was that Billy kid I’ve been wanting to give him a good beating.

    - Don’t call me baby, either. - she sighed, throwing her purse inside the car, before turning to him. - Billy didn’t do anything I’m just ... tired.

    - I’ll drive you home, then.

    - I don’t wanna go home either. - she pushed her hair from her forehead, looking at the ground. The snow engulfed her feet and her shoes, yet it might as well have engulfed her entire being. Lee noticed her lip trembling and how her free hand was trying to stop tears from falling down. He looked behind him, the town hall door shut, before taking his jacket off, draping it over her shoulders, and opening the car door for her. 

 Y/N daren’t look him in the eye, instead sitting in the passenger seat as he pushed the hood of her car up. After all, most people did not enjoy driving in the snow with the hood up. She didn’t know where he was taking her and for all it mattered she didn’t want to know. If he was driving her to her killing location, it sounded much better than having to work out through the bubbling feelings in her tummy. Y/N didn’t even noticed how much she was crying until the tears started streaming so fast they were falling onto the palms of her hands like diamond daggers. She leaned her head against his shoulder, watching the road ahead through the blurry orbs of her own eyes, trying to find some warmth through him. The drive seemed endless and her mind rushed in an even more endless way as she considered all her choices til now. She found it unbearable how not guilty she didn’t feel about it. She could still remember the feeling of the cold water against her body and his lips against hers, being tangled in his bed sheets while he drank a beer, his grunts as he thrusted into her inside his patrol car. She remembered every detail either it being lust or romantic but most importantly she remembered how he looked at her. It was almost as through rose coloured glasses, most of the times agreeing with her pessimist view of the town she was in. Lee looked down on her, watching her perfect hair break through the gelled curls she had set down. He never liked the polished look anyway, he loved to see her walk in her white dresses and freshly washed hair flowing with the wind. This woman sat next to him was gorgeous but he preferred his Y/N, he preferred the woman who would poke fun of casualty and rush into the woods with her nightgown. This woman next to him was pretty yes but she seemed tainted by a sadness he could see yet couldn’t help. He didn’t want his Y/N to be the slightest bit sad. She did not deserve it. She was too pure, too young to be consumed by the loneliness, darkness and sadness that came with being an adult. Yet again, he had to start learning the young woman she was wouldn’t stay young forever. He wanted to know how to help. he wanted to be the man who wakes up next to her on summer mornings and winter evenings but life is not how we plan it out to be.

She watched the snow fall from her window as “You are my sunshine” played on the background from her radio. Looking up to him, his eyes were glued to the road, the sign of leaving Knockemstiff way past them and the hotel on the horizon. She called it the Heartbreak hotel, with its red walls and luxurious nature. A more fancy place for those who wanted to give a better night to their mistresses but that was not why she called it the heartbreak hotel. It was due to the fact she ended up crying every time she or he left. While inside those walls, she could pretend they were Mr. and Mrs. Bodecker, young couple moved out of Knockemstiff on a romantic getaway yet she wasn’t Mrs. Bodecker, Jane was. She had seen who the future sheriff’s wife was and it was not and it would never be her. He stopped the car in the parking lot, looking at her who was lost in thought, leaned against his shoulder.

   - Come on, sugar. What is it? - Lee kissed the top of her head. - The heck happened in that Town Hall?

    - Just being silly, Lee. - she shook her head, faking a smile. - Just don’t like parties one bit.

    - I hate ‘em too, sugar. All show no action. Besides no party is a party without my baby. - he hooked his ring finger under her chin, softly pulling it up. She tried not to look at the moonlight illuminating the silver band around his finger, a symbol he belonged to someone else and she knew it. She had seen the wedding photo on his secretary, a much younger Lee with a much younger Jane with the facade of a happy marriage. Thinking about it always made her sick and ever since seeing that picture she couldn’t bring herself to do so. - Come on, let’s get you a bubble bath, yeah?

She followed him into the hotel almost in a zombie like state until the reception. The talk was a dance she had danced before, it was all the same. Lee would present money in cash so it wouldn’t show up on his credit card statement. He would sign in with a fake address but with his own name and no one would question it. After all, the staff wanted money, they didn’t care if it was an illicit affair or not. To be honest, she didn’t care much anymore.

     - Mrs. Bodecker? Mrs. Bodecker? - the receptionist called out to her but it didn’t even register until she was looking her into the eyes. Mrs. Bodecker, she was definitely not. - Would you like a complementary tea? You look cold.

     - No, it’s okay. - she smiled while Lee grabbed the keys. His hand wrapped itself around hers, leading her over to the elevator.

God, she wanted him. She really did, he thought to himself. It was an unbelievable feeling to have someone who loved him back, someone who always had encouraging words to tell him, someone who would stay after a fight. He thought and imagine what it would’ve been like if she was born earlier, god he would’ve courted her and would’ve married her the second they were out of high school. Sadly, the woman he loved was born 10 years after and he met her when he was married. He led her to the 13th hotel room and closed the door behind them.

     - Things are gonna be different when I’m sheriff. No more sneaking around, no one will dare  say a word. I can move to Brewer Heights, heck, I can buy two houses, one just for you and me.

    - Lee ...

    - Where are your pearls, sugar? You know I love to see you with them, makes you look so pretty.

    - You know I can’t wear them in public, Lee. I am not your ... - she shouldn’t say that, she should not let those words out. - They’re not insured under my name, people would comment about it.

     - You worry too much. - he pushed the fur that covered her arms down, placing a small kiss on her elbow. - My little over-thinker.

     - One of us has too, Captain Bodecker.

     - How about some champagne? - he pointed towards the champagne bottle in the ice bucket by the dresser before walking towards it, raising it so he could inspect the brand. He longed for the finest things in life, no longer wanting to be that middle to low class man he’d been forced to be. Being Sheriff, Mayor someday was going to be really something, it’d be his chance.

    - I’m not 21 yet, Captain.

    - Only a month til you are, kid. - he filled two long crystal flutes, handing it over to them. - By then I should stop calling you kid, huh?

    - You shouldn’t call me kid, now. - she took a sip of the golden liquid, hoping it would take away her jealousy. Lee hummed, leaned over to kiss the crock of her neck, climbing up to her jaw in a move that was sure to leave marks. It was okay for him to leave marks on her, she was unmarried, young but on him? Sometimes she wanted to, sometimes she wanted to mark his pale plump skin as a possession, one that screamed Jane might have the wedding ring but she had the man. Yet, she couldn’t. - You look so handsome tonight.

    - You’re my worse critic. - he smirked, placing his glass on the bedside table before pulling her chin towards him, placing a soft kiss on her plump, painted lips. - God, you can’t even imagine how fucking hard I got when you walked in.

    - Such gentle behaviour. - she teased, fingers lightly tracing the skin of his face. He moaned, leaning in to kiss her again. - I wore it just for you. Blue. I knw you like it.

    - You’re always such a good girl for me. - he started to remove his jacket, pushing on her chest lightly so she laid against the luxurious bed.

The alcohol sure did a better job than her about making her forget what she was doing it. The alcohol and his kiss, his touch on her skin made her forget the clench in her heart when she saw Jane Bodecker clap once they said his name. It made her forget she couldn’t hear perfume around him unless he showered, it made her forget. Both of her moaned through the kiss, seemingly unconcerned with the fact that it was a sin. Maybe that’s why it taste so sweet, the sin, the thrill. None of them cared really and all he wanted to do now was hold her, touch her, look at her.

    - You are so beautiful. - he spoke, more to himself than to her specifically, leaning down on the bed as he spread her legs, taking his place in between them which was so familiar to him. Lee ran his knuckles through the middle of her folds, cold hands making her shiver. - Ev’ry darn day I wake up and I think, I got myself the most beautiful woman in the world.

Her eyes were glued to the ceiling, the white paint of it engulfing her as his hands caressed her thighs. All she could feel were his cold hands massaging the skin of her thighs, spreading them apart and giving him full access to her. His lips attacked her core, always chapped which made her feel so good, it made her know it was him giving her that pleasure. She moaned out loud as he dwelled in like a starved man, her head relaxing against the pillow. There was never any mercy with him, he teased her like he owned her, focusing on her clit while licking her folds. He had her exactly where he wanted her - starving for him.

   - You’re gonna see. - he mumbled out while he relentlessly ate her out. - When I’m sheriff there will be no more hidin’. No one gonna dare say anythin’ about it.

   - Lee, please ... no foreplay. - she whined, begged even as he stopped his motions. His eyes curiously searched for hers, hands pulling his body up as he stood on top of her. - I just want to feel you.

   - Weren’t you feelin’ me, sugar?

   - You know what I mean, Lee. - she wrapped her hands around his neck, head cocked to the side. - I don’t want any foreplay today.

    - Oh sugar ... - he chuckled leaning down to kiss her collarbone. - You’re just a cock slut for me, aren’t ya? Can’t just wait for me to treat ya right ain’t it, baby?

     - Lee, please. - she whined, hands wavering over his police issued chunky belt. Lee smirked, holding her hand before she could do anything. Y/N pouted, head leaning against her shoulder. - C’mon.

   - But baby, you look so pretty when you’re begging. - he returned to kiss her neck, leaving marks which were sure to become hickeys tomorrow but she didn’t care. No one was going to see it. - I was expecting you to come congratulate me in the way you always do, maybe in the back of the town hall. Hoping someone would catch us so they’d see you’re my girl.

    -  Lee ... -  she whined as he kept kissing her neck and collarbones. - Please.

    - Tell me what you want, baby. You know I do everything you want. - he rose from her neck, toothy grin as he leaned down to kiss her plump, pink painted lips. - Tell me you want my big fat cock. I know you do, baby. Tell me how much you need it. 

  - Lee ... please, need you.

  - You have me, baby, tell me what you need. Tell me what you want. - his knuckles ran through the middle of her folds again. - You’re so wet, baby. Just tell me what you want, c’mon

  -  Lee ... please. - she looked at him with those wide eyes that could get someone to commit murder for her, as he pushed down his trousers. - I want you to fuck me with your ... big fat cock, Capitain. 

  - Oh, baby ... - he leaned his forehead against hers as he pushed his cock past her entrance, eyes shut tight  as he tried to keep himself sane at the mere feeling of her walls contracting against him. His lips found hers as he shed himself fully into her. Her hand searched for his, as Lee slowly rolled his hips against hers, basking in the mere high that was being inside of her. - You okay, baby? 

  - Yeah. ... fuck, move. - she whined as he removed himself from her and pushed back in, slowly starting to rock into her as he always did. The little tease. Her hand clenched his as he speed up his thrusts, lips returning to hers in a messy, moaned filled kiss. All she could hear was the sound of skin against skin and interrupted breathing. - Lee, fuck.

  - I know, baby. - he laughed, returning to kiss her the way he liked as her walls started to clench more forcefully against his member, milking him for all he was worth. His free hand grabbed her hip as he further sped up against her, bruising her skin as his breaths got more raggedy. He bite onto her neck as he felt his control over his own orgasm disappear. 

  - Lee, fuck! - she moaned, almost raising off the bed as her own orgasm washed over her. Her head fell against the pillow, sluggish as he continued to thrust into her until ropes and ropes of cum painted her walls. He chuckled mid grunt, holding her against him as he turned around in bed. 

  - You all fucked up, aren’t ya, sugar? - he kissed the top of her head. - You’re gonna see, sugar. Things are gonna be so much better.

  - Right ... - she cuddled against his chest. - Hm ... Lee can you drive me back home early on?

  - Early shift?

  - Yeah.

  - Okay, sugar.

The morning was a harsh breaker of dreamy hazes and just like that she was back to the place where she always was, in her home, surrounded by the scent of the perfume she had bought just for him. She sat on her dress, taking the necklace he had given her from the little mother of pearl seashell shaped box and holding them against her chest. She loved him, she really did. Some people had their downfalls and hers was painted onto her neck and held by her hands. He was her downfall. 

The sun was high up on the snowy midday in Knockemstiff and once again Lee had been resigned to desk duty after the Sheriff not taking it too lightly he decided to run without his permission. Normally he would’ve been upset but he knew, he knew he was close to winning and then he could throw away those stupid hotels and just get her a little house close to him. God, he couldn’t fucking wait.

    - Captain Bodecker, someone here for you. - his secretary knocked on his door. - Mary Gillies, sir. 

    - Mary Gillies? - he knew her to be a friend of Y/N’s, perhaps her only friend other than that punk Billy. - Send her in.

    - Good afternoon, captain. - she said as she walked into his office. - I’m so sorry to be bothering but Y/N ...

    - Is she alright? - he interrupted her.

    - Yes, well ...  - she rummaged through her bag to find a cushioned envelope with his name on it. - She told me to give you this.

   - What is it?

   - I don’t know, captain. I must get going, my husband is waiting for me.

   - Of course. Thank you, Mrs. Gillies.

He waited for the woman to be out of his office and for the door to be shut for him to open the envelope. The minute he opened the envelope, pearls fell into his desk, the same pearls he had given Y/N followed by a small note in the dusty pink stationary that normally laid on her dresser. Turning it around, he saw the words he’d been dreading to read or hear ever since he met her. I’m sorry, Lee. He threw the letter on his desk before getting up from his desk as fast as he could, ignoring the calls from his colleagues as he got into his cruiser. Damned, Brewer Heights, why couldn’t it be closer?

He approached her home fast and closed the door as fastly as he ran up to the door. Her hag of a grandmother was possibly at church and he had learned where they kept the spare key; behind a violet pot. His heart was beating as fast as a deer on a hunt as he climbed up the stairs and found the once filled room was empty, with only a perfume bottle on her empty dresser. He observed the whole room as if he were in a nightmare, sitting on her bed as he clenched the pearls he had given her not so long ago, the smell of daisies in the air as some song played on the still turned on radio.

You never know dear how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away ...

taglist: @lookiamtrying​ 

[theeslytherinslut]

The Perpetual Freak (2/?)

Ch 2: Aboard the Hogwarts Express

Pairings: Sirius Black x reader, Marauders x reader Warnings: none, slight language (but that's for every chapter rlly) Word Count: 3,108

As if on cue, you heard a knock at the door just as your foot touched down onto the landing. The sound of quick, heeled footsteps sounded immediately after; Grandmother briskly coming down the hall followed by the slower steps of Blakely as he surely wanted to gaze curiously at your friends.

“Prongs!” you breathed upon seeing James, smiling fondly at the messy mop of black hair atop your friend's head.

“Twitchy!” he smiled back, opening his arms in greeting. You wasted no time in falling into them, smiling into his chest as his hug signaled the true return to Hogwarts.

“Mrs. Killianis,” James said, suddenly formal as he looked to your severe grandmother behind you. Following his gaze, you saw her eyes narrowing as Sirius and Remus all but fell out of the car, Peter’s wheezing laughter following them out.

You smiled fondly after them as Remus brushed the dirt from his knees, frowning up at Sirius. Sirius grinned back and ran a hair through his raven black hair, brushing it from his eyes.

“Hello, Mrs. Killianis,” Sirius said, his voice taking on a tone you’d never heard before. You and James glanced warily at each other.

“Hello, boys,” she said stiffly, her eyes now staring rudely at the scars littering Remus’ exposed skin.

Remus cleared his throat, clearly catching your grandmother's eyes. “Shall we get your trunk then?” he said, clapping his hands together as he smiled at you.

You offered him a sympathetic smile and pushed an apology into his head at your grandmother’s rudeness.

“That’d be great, Moony, thanks.” you nodded. Peter followed him up into your room dutifully. After a moment or two, you heard what sounded like a reprimanding noise followed by a sharp smack and idly wondered what was going on.

“I suppose you’ll be staying at the school for the Holidays again, yes? Blakely and I were planning a trip,” Grandmother said suddenly--it didn’t take a genius to figure out you weren’t invited.

“Definitely,” you answered briskly. The choice between a Hogwarts Christmas with the boys and a visit to Grandmother's sister’s house in the States with Blakely was a no-brainer.

“Lovely thing Hogwarts does, providing a home for the holidays,” James grinned, putting an emphasis on ‘home.’ Grandmother lowered her eyes, but Remus and Peter were already coming down the stairs, hauling your heavy trunk between them.

“Bloody hell, Twitch,” Remus huffed, blowing his thin brown hair out of his eyes, “What’d you pack?”

“Mind your tongue, boy,” Grandmother snipped as the two of them passed through the front door. “You won’t behave like the heathens that you are in my presence.”

“Er, right,” Sirius scoffed, rolling his eyes and laughing under his breath. “C’mon, Twitch, don’t want to be late.”

Eager to leave the situation, you quickly followed the boys out and made your way into the baking heat. Just as they made to load your trunk, you clucked your tongue as Peter fumbled his end and dropped it roughly into the undoubtedly magically enhanced trunk.

“Sorry,” Peter winced, rubbing his hands together in an anxious sort of way.

“S’Alright Wormtail. Now, shall we get a move on, then?” James said, using his wand to swing open the car door for you. You heard your grandmother let out a small gasp, and Blakely took a step back. As most parents took the time to drop their children off at Platform 9 3/4, the journey there was generally a sort of grace period if you wanted to use magic; the Ministry wouldn’t take the time to differentiate each use of magic on this day between parents and students. Per wizarding law, they'd never seen magic as you didn’t use it during your time here--aside from your special gift.

“Please,” you said, turning to leave without glancing back.

“You aren’t going to say goodbye?” you heard Remus ask. You turned to answer him before you slipped into the car, but he wasn’t talking to you.

“Excuse me?” Grandmother said, clearly affronted he was saying anything more than ‘hi’ and ‘bye.’

“Honestly, Moony, just let it alone,” Sirius moaned as he made his way back out of the car to gather him.

“You aren’t going to see your granddaughter for 9 months, surely you’re going to at least say goodbye?” Remus pressed on, equally affronted. Sirius took a step closer to his friend, and you saw your grandmother’s eyes fall upon the several tattoos that already littered his arms; Sirius lived to upset his family, and tattoos were such a Muggle form of rebellion it only bolstered his point.

Her eyes then fell to the both of their wands, which were gripped tightly in their hands, and let out a breath she’d been holding. Lowering her eyes but acquiescing nonetheless, she sighed.

“Goodbye, then,” she said stiffly, nudging Blakely, who was locking eyes with a mischievous looking Sirius. Glancing behind Blakely’s head, you saw a dish hovering dangerously above his head and looked to see Sirius' wand pointed right at it. Rolling your eyes, you pushed the dish back with your own and threw a knowing grin at Sirius.

“Naughty, naughty boy,” you said silently. He grinned back boyishly at you and threw you a wink.

“See you next summer,” Blakely allowed, lowering his eyes at you and grinning in an awful sort of way. You could’ve sworn you heard a growl on your right and found Remus glaring at Blakely, who swallowed harshly and disappeared back into the house. At that, you slipped into the front seat next to James, the rest of the boys piling into the backseat, Remus scolding Sirius for shoving Peter out of the way to get in first. Fondly, you smiled and listened to them bicker.

“Merlin, glad that’s over.” Remus shook his head as James smoothly pulled away from the house. “Don’t know how you do it all summer.”

“Aw, what’s the matter, Moony? Not a big fan of familial tension, are we? I think it’s rather quite nice; reminds me of home,” Sirius said with a fake voice of longing. James looked through the rearview mirror and rolled his eyes at Sirius.

“Muggles giving you hell again?” Peter squeaked from the backseat, grabbing the head of your seat and leaning up towards you.

He’d always been a mousy boy, but after his first successful transformation, his commonalities with his Animagi only became more pronounced.

“When do they not, Wormtail?” you laughed, throwing a gum wrapper at him playfully as you popped a piece into your mouth.

“Ooh, is that gum?” Sirius asked, peering over your shoulder from the backseat.

“Yes, but it’s Muggle-gum.” you reminded him.

“Bit boring, but it’ll do. Jamesy won’t let me smoke in the car,” Sirius sneered, looking amusedly at an annoyed-looking James in the mirror.

“It smells! Isn’t my fault Dad has the nose of a bloody hound,” he defended, looking disgruntled at the thought of being a do-gooder.

“Good ol’ Fleamont, what a chap,” Sirius laughed, spreading out on the backseat and draping his arm along the seats. He reached and affectionately gave Remus’ hair a tussle, jostling Peter in the process, who grinned.

“So, now that we’ve all been reminded how horrible my lovely grandmother is, how was everybody else’s Holiday?” you asked as James drove the car expertly around the busy London streets--Muggle driving was a skill he was particularly proud of.

“Oh, you know, wonderful as always. Mother only threatened to have me disenfranchised and disgraced twice this year, so that’s a mark better than last Holiday.” Sirius laughed, blowing bubbles with his gum but frowning in disappointment when they popped.

“Didn’t you go to Prongs’ early this year?” you asked, remembering James’ letter that Sirius had arrived a few weeks into break.

“Yeah, don’t know why the evil hag insists on having me around anyway. All she does is dote on Regulus and send the nearest object flying at my head. Don’t even get me started on Kreacher...I don’t think I’ll go back next year.” a dark look came over his features, and you found yourself staring at him.

“What?” you asked, shocked at the nonchalant tone of his serious words.

“Yeah, I didn’t so much go to Prongs’ early this year as I did run away,” he said, looking slightly sheepish as you looked accusingly at him.

“What? What happened? Why didn’t you tell me?” you gasped, turning in the front seat entirely to glare at him.

“Dunno, I mean, I’m telling you now, aren’t I?” he shrugged.

“Well, go on then, tell me more,” you insisted.

“Just more of the same Twitch. You don’t understand,” he paused, and his usual carefree, light demeanor vanished and was taken over by a dark cloud that seemed to fill the car. “That house, it’s like a black hole. It swallows you whole. It’s like a bloody residential dementor. Every decent thought you have gets sucked into the black wallpaper, every horrible thought you’ve ever had on repeat, magnified. I can’t breathe in that house; they’re all so cozy, so comfortable in that dark, that evil. The Noble House of Black, it’s killing me slowly, draining the life out of me.”

He seemed aware of how much he was saying, how serious he’d gotten, because, at the end of the little speech, he let out a deep breath and forced a laugh, rubbing the back of his neck subconsciously.

“Nothing like Prongs’ here, for example,” he grinned up at his friend, who shot him one from the mirror.

“I mean, you basically already lived there,” James shrugged. “Besides, Mum was thrilled--you know, I think she likes you better than me sometimes.”

“Oh, she definitely does, mate. Euphemia and me? Kinda besties,” Sirius grinned, and the dark cloud dispersed. You found yourself staring at Sirius, chest full of emotion. The quickness with which he dismissed himself was almost worse.

“And, Moony? How was yours?” James asked, filling the silence.

“Decent, I suppose. Though I’ve almost worked my way through every decent book worth reading at the library closest to home, all the rest are the silly little Muggle books in that dingy section they have in the back...though I started reading this one called the ‘Bible’; Merlin does it tell some truly fantastic tales...whales eating people, turning water to wine, healing the blind--this Jesus bloke even rose from the dead! I reckon he was some type of early wizard or something, don’t know how the Muggles don’t...” he trailed off while the rest of you shared knowing glances. Moony was prone to monologues full of on-the-spot thinking, constantly prattling on about something he’d read in some book.

“You’re doing it again,” you shot a meaningful look at Remus, who blushed scarlet at your mental words and trailed off.

“Hey, no fair!" Sirius whined from the back seat at you. "I wanted to see where he was going with that. There definitely could’ve been something in there well worth making fun of!”

“Opportunity missed, Padfoot.” James hissed in sympathy at his friend, smiling at him in the rearview mirror.

“You all leave Moony alone. Just because he gets abnormally excited about really obscure Muggle things doesn’t mean we get to make fun of him for it,” you shot a smile at Remus in the back seat, who rolled his eyes but nonetheless smiled around sheepishly.

“How was your summer, James?” Peter asked from the backseat, leaning up hopefully.

“Alright, my parents set up a little Quidditch pitch in the back; Sirius got his arse handed to him a couple times,” James smirked, throwing a playful grin at his best friend in the backseat.

Wormtail laughed gleefully at James’ story as he described a match while Sirius sat up indignantly, poised to argue.

“I’m a Keeper, Potter. Not a sodding Seeker. Not too quick to tell everyone how miserable you were at trying to get the Quaffle in, though, are you?” Sirius quipped from the backseat.

“Down, boy. We all know how great of a Keeper you are, wouldn’t have won that last match against Ravenclaw without you..” you pushed into Sirius’ head, stroking his bruised ego. He met your eyes in the rearview and smirked up at you, clearly appeased by your comment. Lounging lazily once more in the roomy backseat, he turned to Peter.

“What about you, Wormtail? Your Holiday good?” Sirius said, cocking his head at his friend with a mischievous glint in his eye.

“S’alright..” he trailed off, looking around nervously as Sirius grinned at him.

“Really? Didn’t miss having Prongs’ arse to kiss?” he sneered at his friend, who blushed and stuttered.

“Let him alone, Pads,” Remus smiled at his friend from across the seats.

Just as the boys began to bicker more harshly, James pulled into the parking lot at Kings Cross, and the group of you piled out of the car.

“Wormtail, go find us a trolley,” Sirius said, and with a wave of his hand, Peter was gone.

“Obedient little bugger, isn’t he?” Remus said praisingly, rubbing his chin.

“Why d’you think he’s made it this long?” Sirius laughed, lifting his trunk out of the car as Peter came wheezing around with the trolley.

“I’ve got it, Y/N,” Peter said, exerting tremendous effort to lift your trunk until Remus saw him and reached in to help.

“Thanks, Peter...always so helpful.” you pushed to him in thanks. You saw him blush violently and smile to himself.

Your gift had taught you many things, but perhaps above all: people were so easily manipulated, one well-timed compliment, and it could send a person fawning. Though you weren’t shy to use it to your advantage, it was lucky a person of your moral stature had the gift. It could be so easily used...perhaps it was thoughts like these that led to the Sorting Hat’s consideration of your placement in Slytherin.

Half an hour later, your trunks were placed in the train's storage carriages, and the group of you were lounging in a compartment, your various pets making random noises as they settled in for the long train ride.

Jinx hooted sleepily in his cage before lifting his wing and drifting off to sleep. Sirius’ handsome jet-black Screech Owl, BamBam, seemed to take a cue from Jinx and buried his head into his wing as well. They almost resembled salt and pepper shakers as they stood next to one another in direct contrast. To most everyone's intense surprise, Remus’ pet was a fluffy siamese cat named Cleo. Unsurprising, however, was Peter’s choice of a pet rat named Nibbles. Though, Nibbles was on his last leg--most common rats only lived a couple of years, and Nibbles had been with Peter since first year.

“What’re you doing?” Peter asked, sitting up interestedly in his seat as Sirius drew out his wand and flung open the compartment door.

“Having some fun,” Sirius shrugged, the grin you all loved so much donning his face. James watched his friend and broke into a smile; Peter seemed to be struggling to sit still with excitement; even Remus peered over the top of his book to watch.

Fully aware he was holding all of your attention, Sirius pointed his wand at the wall opposite your door.

“Carpe Retractum,” Sirius said, and a length of rope came spouting out at the end of his wand. “Bollocks...what’s that one to get something to stick to something else?” he asked into the compartment after a moment.

“Epoximise,” Remus answered from behind his book once more, seemingly having seen everything he needed to.

“Right, cheers, Moony,” Sirius smiled and did the incantation, sticking the other end of the rope to the wall. Pulling on his wand, he seemed to test his theory and smiled in success as the rope pulled taught--effectively making a tripwire.

“Very nice,” you complimented, to which you received a playful little bow of his head.“Might I suggest something, though?”

“By all means, Twitch,” Sirius said, gesturing to the tripwire.

“Omnino dissimulare,” you spoke, pointing your wand at the length of rope. As the white beam of light hit it, the rope disappeared from view, and you smiled triumphantly. You’d been working hard on that one towards the end of last term and were worried you’d have to start over with the holiday break.

“Excellent!” Peter cheered, clapping wildly at the two of you.

“Where’d you learn that?” Remus said, finally putting his book down and looking at you curiously.

“Been working on it for a bit. Found it in a book Madam Pince let me take home last Christmas,” you answered, feeling a bit smug that you’d impressed Remus.

“Pince let you take home books?” Remus said, incredulous.

“You know she pities me,” you laughed, waving a hand. “Though, she did threaten to turn me inside out if there was so much a creased page--so only marginally.”

“Wait, wait!” Sirius called, pointing to the door excitedly; Peter was positively quivering.

A group of already-robed Slytherins came strolling past your window, and you smiled in anticipation. At the last second, Sirius jerked his wrist and tightened the rope, sending the group of Slytherins sprawling across the floor.

The group of you exploded into laughter, and they all got to their feet, whipping their wands out, looking for a culprit. Given the rope was invisible, however, they found no such thing and resigned to giving the group of you ugly looks before grumping off.

“Oh, very good, Padfoot,” Peter simpered, laughing heartily as tears of joy rolled down his plump cheeks.

“A little juvenile,” Remus scolded, smiling ruefully at his friends, “But funny. However, as a Prefect, I am not to indulge in such behavior and as such must sincerely reprimand you.”

“Most eloquently spoken, dear Moony. Tell me, does being a Prefect mean you have to be just a bit of a prat on principle?” James asked his friend, painting a serious look on his face as Sirius and Peter erupted into laughter. You let out a small giggle as Remus blushed slightly and put down his book.

“Well, you should sure as hell hope not,” Remus began, smiling mischievously at his friend. “Imagine fawning after Lily Evans for years, at her often utter disgust, only for her to end up being a prat. Talk about unfortunate, mate.”

The group of you were in stitches over Remus’ response, and even James let out a laugh.

“Touche, Moony. Touche,” he laughed, shaking his finger at Remus in a playful manner. A warm feeling spread through you; you were so happy to finally be going home.

************

Taglist: @whiskeypowder

[incorrectbatfam]

Can I get headcanons for an au where Bruce adopted the kids when they /were/ babies, please?

Use the bathroom, get comfortable, and maybe have some tissues on hand.

For these headcanons, we’re gonna assume they were adopted in order of age, and that they’re all under 18. So Dick and Babs are 16 (with Babs being older), Harper is 14, Cass is 13, Jason is 12, Tim is 7, Steph and Duke are both 5 (with Steph being older), Carrie is 3, and Damian is 1. Yes, I’m aware that it diverges from canon age gaps but once you keep reading you’ll see why I did that.

Now for the headcanons (in no particular order):

Alfred is “Grandpa” and Bruce is anything from “Dad”, “Pops”, “Old man”, “Baba”, etc. All the other adults, like Kate or Clark, are aunts and uncles.

Steph and Duke compete over everything, like who can tie their shoes the fastest or learn to ride a bike first. Steph makes a point of letting everyone know she’s older, but Duke fires back with the fact that he’s taller. They’re both at the top of their kindergarten class and are known for butting heads, but God help anyone who decides to pick on one of them.

Harper got her first period at school while wearing white shorts. Thankfully, Dick and Babs came in clutch.

At school, Kon told Tim that he got ten dollars every time he lost a tooth. Tim tried to hack the system by pulling a bunch of teeth out at once (thankfully to no avail) until someone caught him.

Babs has a different secret handshake with each person.

When Damian first came along, everyone expected Carrie to be angry or jealous since she’d no longer be the baby of the family. And she was a little jealous at first. But the moment she saw him, her eyes went wide and she whispered, “He’s so tiny” and vowed to protect him with everything she had.

The last business trip Bruce took was when Cass was a baby, and the reason why it was his last one was that while he was abroad, Alfred sent him a video of Cass taking her first steps and he burst into tears in the middle of a meeting because he wasn’t there to witness it in person.

Dick once used Damian as a wingman to pick up girls. It worked so well that Jason tried the same thing, only to have it grossly backfire on him.

Whenever Bruce needs a break, Alfred will call everyone to the living room for one of his infamous spy stories.

Cass is the queen of April Fool’s.

Tim, Steph, and Duke regularly climb on each other’s shoulders to try to reach the cookie jar.

Harper is a pro at getting gum out of people’s hair. Tim is a pro at the exact opposite. 

Bruce gives Dick “the talk”. Dick then gives it to Harper who gives it to Cass who gives it to Jason and by then it’s so misconstrued by then that Bruce has to re-give it to all the kids.

One time Jason lashed out at school and it led to the teachers referring him to a therapist. Bruce stayed with him during the first appointment and Jason admitted to feeling unwanted because of what some kids at school said. Meanwhile, back at home, all the other siblings were trying to get their names to be Damian’s first word, like a competition. None of them ended up winning because when the other two came home, Damian called out to Jason. (And Jason cried on the spot because it didn’t matter what people said at school, he was wanted by the right people).

Group outings with the Kents or the Allens are a normal occurrence.

Harper gave Bruce a heart attack when she DIYed her hair dye and piercings.

The first time Tim saw a shooting star, he was convinced that aliens had arrived to take over the world. His conspiracy-driven panic spread to his younger siblings and that’s how Alfred found them all hiding in a blanket fort wearing saucepans as helmets.

Steph once got lost at the mall and the first thing she did was buy ten Build-A-Bears. 

Cass regularly carries her younger siblings like suitcases.

Bruce never rushed Dick into getting a license or helping out around the house.

Harper once snuck on a train to the next town without telling anyone because she wanted to ask Kate advice on coming out.

Nobody got any sleep for the forty-eight hours when Damian’s favorite stuffed animal went missing.

Duke is a LEGO kid. Carrie is a horse girl. Together they created the ultimate toy equine sanctuary.

Bruce can’t ground the kids. They’ve unionized.

Jason is no longer allowed to pick movies on account of the time he chose an R-rated slasher.

It’s an open secret that Cass accidentally left Tim at a haunted house once. 

Alfred custom sews a ten-person "get along" shirt.

Duke once snuck Damian to school for Show And Tell. Steph ratted him out almost right away.

Jason tried to make his younger siblings reenact Shakespeare. It lasted a good thirty seconds before it dissolved into people hitting each other with props.

As a big mystery/conspiracy theory person, Tim was wholly convinced that Damian was an extraterrestrial because the first time he saw him, it was at the hospital where Damian was hooked up to a bunch of machines after he was born. It wasn’t until after three different people explained the concept of preemies to him did Tim finally get it.

Carrie loves to play dress-up and will rope in anyone in the vicinity.

Bruce’s favorite song to sing to someone when they’re upset is Lean On Me by Bill Withers

Cass taught everyone obscenities in sign language and it was all fine until someone caught Babs at school and she got detention

Alfred can’t remember the last time the house was not babyproofed.

Between birthdays, holidays, Gotcha Days, and other special days, there’s always a reason to celebrate at Wayne Manor.

Whenever they fly on the private jet Duke's in the cockpit insisting he knows more about airplanes than the pilots (Alfred or Kate) bc he watched the Planes movie.

Harper got matching leather jackets for all the sisters.

Bruce gives Tim "coffee" that's 90% milk and a splash of coffee for flavor.

Cass and Jason communicate solely in inhuman grunts.

Carrie can and will latch onto the first person she sees like a koala bear.

There's a running gag among friends on how many siblings Dick has because he tells stories without ever using names.

Bruce comes home after a long day of work and everyone drops what they're doing to dogpile on him.

Harper only got an after school job to pay for her Club Penguin membership.

They all make snowmen in descending size order with Bruce's being this huge towering one and Damian's being like three inches tall.

The girls have a "no boys (except the baby) allowed" zone.

Carrie can't pronounce the letters "R" or L".

When Damian learns to crawl suddenly all the other family members become a jungle gym.

Bruce doesn't notice when someone invites a friend over without permission because what's a few extra kids anyway?

Harper comes out and for a week people wouldn't stop making bi puns.

They try to do that thing where each family member puts a different colored handprint on the mailbox and they end up running out of space.

As the oldest Dick gets stuck with babysitting or he's forced to let Jason tag along when he goes out (bc all parents make their older kids do that) and he resents it but at the same time no one can talk trash about his siblings.

Damian's animal collection begins when he brings in a mouse from the yard. (Cue the hilarious siblings-helping-him-hide-new-pets montages.)

Someone beat Bruce for “World’s most attractive man”, but that’s okay because he was voted “World’s happiest man” instead.