#you just have to youtube the birds and hear it for yourself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pickledcarrotsandradish · 3 months ago

Note

For the situation fanfic ask, could you do Rise Leo for 1. Touch starved/cuddle curse? I love the way you characterize him

This is very kind of you to say!!! Thank you so much!!! So sorry for the delay. I am trying my best to get better at not overthinking one shots, but I still tried my absolute best! hope you enjoy!

Slight CW for issues with eating enough food and language.

In all actuality, the curse should have been funny.

Like, this wasn’t a case of the jelly bones, or his hand being on fire. It was a case of The Cuddles, with the title capitalization and everything.

At least that’s what it said on the pamphlet the receptionist at the mystic clinic told him. Didn’t even need to see a doctor for this. Leo had just gotten got by a couple of yokai kids playing a prank. He hadn’t even been the target! All he had done was jump in the middle of some good natured mystic roughhousing and kinda ruined the mood. It had looked like serious bullying to him! Like they needed a hero!

“Okay…” Leo droned out, bouncing on the balls of his feet to try and ease the ache of something that kept growing through his body, “But shouldn’t I still, like, see the doctor for the cure or whatever?”

The literal Secretary Bird Yokai gave him a blank stare and droned, “The cure for The Cuddles is cuddles. We do not have those kinds of doctors around here.”

“But--”

“Look, kid. I remember hearing about you and your brothers from Hueso. You guys are already the hugging types. You’ll be fine. Now, please, get outta here so I can go on my break.”

So Leo did leave. But not to go home.

Because the night before, he had exchanged some words with his beloved, egg-headed weirdo of a twin.

Donnie must not have been getting a lot of sleep or something, because it seemed to have come out of nowhere. It wasn’t even like Leo was home that often, and yet he found Donnie ready to explode in his room the one time he had been in there for the past few days.

They had exchanged words about… something. Leo was already tired, and the curse was making him uncomfortably itchy and chilly. It had been all, “You need to rest,” or “You need to eat” and stuff like that. The specifics blurred together with talks he’d been waving off with his other family members.

But the point was that the argument ended with Donnie yelling,

“I can’t trust you to take care of yourself!”

That was the part Leo remembered crystal clear. That made him grind his teeth and force his body away from those who might give him the cure for this.

He’d show Donnie. He’d take care of this all by himself.

Day 2

Since Leo had gotten cursed and informed of the curse close to midnight, he decided to go ahead and call it the end of day one. Sure it hadn’t been a full 24 hours with the curse, but it had marked the end of that day. It made sense if you just thought about it like how Leo was.

And midnight was the perfect time to run around the city doing patrol again. The human city this time. Thankfully, the Hidden City was doing just fine this long after the invasion. And he kept his promise to Mikey about taking a break from patrolling NYC.

Break time was now over, so back to work.

The curse didn’t even make it that hard. While he was running and jumping, his mind was too focused on everything he was doing. Taking in all the sensory input to try and find someone else in danger. Kinda like how he felt better when he was sick if he watched a YouTube video while playing a video game. Too much else going on to think about yourself.

And he was able to help. Like, there wasn’t as much mutant crime going on. And the human stuff had, like, humans to help out with that. Leo couldn’t provide any more help than a firefighter or an EMT could in those situations usually. But he still kept a lookout, just in case.

What good he ended up being able to do was this:

-Portaled some drunk dudes back to their dorm when he saw them trying to unlock their car. -There were these two dudes who had been yelling really loudly at one another. They ran off in opposite directions the moment Leo stepped into view. -Gave a tourist directions to the M&M store in Times Square (even though it hurt his soul to help anyone get to that waste of space.)

Which. Not the most impressive Hero List of the night. The only thing he could really count as heroic-heroic was when he stopped an actual fight-fight at a late night bus stop.

Granted, the way he did that felt a bit embarrassing. When he tried to catch the dude who got shoved, they both ended up falling. Leo was the only one with a bloody nose and a scraped cheek, while the other two would be brawlers scrammed the moment they realized an actual i-r-l mutant was there.

Because of that, Leo decided to call it a night. The sun was coming up, so it was time to start day patrol.

He stopped by home to get the stuff he needed to stop the bleeding. Humans were already scared enough as it was. Looking like this wasn’t going to score him any more charming points.

So Leo pulled the ice pack of random assorted veggies that no one ever used out of the freezer, and sat down at the kitchen table to get to work patching up his main talent.

But he should have grabbed a coffee on the way over there, cause his mind completely skipped over how Mikey was also asleep at the table. Little dude woke up with a jolt the moment Leo sat down and realized he wasn’t alone for some reason at 6:33 AM.

“BWAH!” Mikey woke up with a jolt, “Leo! You--What happened?!”

“I fell,” Leo simply explained while treating his wounds, “But what are you doing here?”

“Cause you said you weren’t going to patrol the city tonight!”

“Yeah, I took a break that’s what I said and that’s what I did.”

What he expected was another worried Mikey who would hover around him and ask a million questions like any of the answers would be “I will shatter like a dropped mirror in ten seconds.”

He underestimated the power of a sleepy Michalangelo. His baby brother groaned in annoyance loudly enough to wake the entire lair and the city block above.

“You know that’s not what I meant!” He accused, reaching across the table to grab the hand Leo was using to press the cold pack into his recently bandaged cheek and

Now that Leo wasn’t doing anything important, there was nothing to distract him from the Cuddles. And it was the contrast that made everything feel that much more intense.

That even though the hand Mikey was grabbing was holding the ice pack, it felt so much warmer than the rest of his body. That that hand was the only part of him not aching and shivering. As if he was completely submerged in ice water that could also have you feeling itchy, and his hand was the only thing above water.

It left him wanting to climb out of this hole and cling to his brother. Let his body feel relief and peace. Mikey was still talking about how Leo lied to him as the slider reached out for a hug

“No need, Michael. Apparently, Leonardo can take care of himself.”

He dropped back into the hole of ice water willingly.

Leo forced himself out of Mikey’s reach and turned to give Donnie his most pleasant “fuck you�� smile.

“That’s right,” Leo responded, “I take much better care of myself than the dude who consistently gets four hours of sleep a night.”

“Says the only one of us who is actively bleeding at the moment.”

“Oh, am I? I see you have your battle shell on at dawn again. You didn’t sleep in it all night again, did you?”

Leo batted his eyes while Mikey turned his ire to the dum dum moron named Donatello. Even blew the two of them kisses as he announced how he was now going back to bed, like someone who could take care of himself.

And he was going back to bed. He had left bed a few days ago, and now he was going back to bed. Proving his point that he was by far the more responsible twin and that the others should be on his side and that he was the one who was owed an apology.

Even if he didn’t get any sleep because he couldn’t stop shivering. This was fine. He was hugging his pillow and that should count.

Day 2.5

No sleep and four hours later, Leo was out looking for something hot and fast to eat in the kitchen.

Normally, he’d be making coffee in this kind of extreme exhaustion. But the machine had already been stolen to the lab of an evil-fucking-mastermind. So, that was off the table to go and try to fight for that back. Not worth having to go and talk to someone so stubborn.

Tea wouldn’t give him the caffeine shakes he needed, but he also couldn’t drink a refrigerated energy drink with how cold everything was. The kind of cold that made him want to curl up under the heat lamp with his full winter gear on at the bottom of a turtle pile or--

So that was how Raph found him microwaving two monster energy drinks at ten in the morning. He didn’t deserve that weirded out look. It wasn’t like they were still in their cans anymore. Leo remembered that after three seconds of his own personal lightshow.

“But, why?” Was all that Raph asked.

Leo shrugged, “Want a hot energy drink. You want some too? I might be on to a new thing here.”

And that got Raph to laugh, which did a decent job warming Leo up from the inside out. Would have probably completely thawed him out if it weren’t for the stupid curse thing.

He’d let the curse be permanent if he could keep making Raph laugh and not worry.

He was worried though. Clearly wanted to say something and kept stopping himself in the middle of it. Eventually, the slider gave him a noogie and kept on walking while he told him to keep it to just the one drink.

It was because the dude kept walking, that he didn’t see Leo’s whole body turn to follow him before stopping himself. This was good. That’s what Leo wanted to have happened. Excellent.

Raph kept moving away from him. Awesome. Opening the fridge and letting out the cold air that Leo could swear he could feel from all the way over here. The room seemed to keep getting colder and colder while Raph rummaged through their deli meats.

Leo willed himself to stay right there and watch the numbers count down for his incoming hot drink. Because if he pushed Raph to hurry up and close the door, then he was not going to let go of the big guy who everyone knew felt like a furnace. And Leo was proving to Raph that he could take care of himself almost more than anyone else. Even Donnie. But proving it to Donnie was important for spite and winning, while proving it to Raph was important for like, the world.

Regardless, the slider didn’t let himself move. Just hugged himself while watching the numbers countdown to zero. Raph said something, but Leo was currently too busy burning his tongue on this hot carbonated curse from hell. He almost spat it right back out, but forced himself to keep chugging the weirdly syrupy and steamy beverage. And because of mystic bullshit, it didn’t warm him up.

Stupid mystic whatever with it’s stupid stupid. Fine.

It could keep him from getting warm, but the caffeine should still be kicking in soon. That would get rid of the cotton in his head and the general blegugh feeling weighing him down. Now he just needed something solid so he wouldn’t get the no-food-shakes too badly and--

Raph’s hand was on his shoulder. Leo jumped so violently that it left just as fast as it appeared. There, thankfully, hadn’t been any time to get used to the warmth.

The two of them stared at one another, blinking in confusion before Raph pointed at the family sized frozen pizza, “Sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you. I was asking if--uh--Are you going to be staying long enough to have some?”

“You’re good, dude,” Leo responded automatically, feeling that same sinking feeling of shame whenever Raph apologized for anything these days, “I should have been paying attention--”

“It’s cool. Makes sense that a drink like that would fry your brain.”

“What? Nah, it’s the… best? I was actually just about to make myself another?”

“Pfft! Raph has never seen your poker face be so poor for anything!”

To try and prove his point, and also double down, Leo quickly tried to chug the remaining half of the new radioactive ooze he had made. It showed that what Draxum had done really wasn’t special. He could do it in their underground kitchen no sweat.

And the end result of his bravado had him burping uncontrollably and feeling like he might throw up. Leo was making some very concerning burping noises into the sink while he listened to Raph howl with laughter behind him. It was the most Leo had made him laugh since the invasion, and the sound was like an auditory heated blanket. It was warming him up from the inside out.

That was also because, he realized, Raph was rubbing his back. The way he used to do. Like back when they were kids, or back in the old lair, or when Raph still genuinely liked him.

It was so close to being a hug, and its effects were addictive. Raph’s large hand rubbing across his upper back left a warm feeling in its wake. Just like with Mikey, it made every other part of his body colder by comparison. Like he had splinters all over his body, and Raph had removed them only around his shoulder blades.

“You okay?”

The hand paused in its movements, and Leo almost whined with protest. And realized he was practically hanging onto the sink while his legs had gone weirdly boneless. Who knows how long it had been since the Burps from Hell had stopped, and he had just been standing there. Letting Raph rub his back like there weren’t a billion and one other things Leo should be doing at that very moment.

He couldn’t remember what a single one of those things were, but he knew they existed. The first step was taking a biiiig step away from his very confused big brother. And--aw, shit, the Raph Chasm was back. C’mon, Face Man.

“You got me!” Leo made himself laugh, so Raph wouldn’t be able to see him shiver, “Yeah, that was a bad idea! I’ll go--uh--get something at a bodega or something! I can--yeah! Whoops! Enjoy that pizza!”

“What’s this? Nardo isn’t staying for lunch? Shocking.”

The words got Leo’s mind to go sharp. That was good. Sharp could cut through the cold, and the uncomfortable ache and weirdly itchy feeling that was growing. Like someone had replaced his skin with sandpaper and snow.

Leo walked past his two brothers with a, “Just saving more for you guys! Everyone knows Donnie’s gotta eat! I leave him in your guys’ capable hands! Tah-tah!”

And left for patrol.

Patrol was fine. He ran around and helped people.

He was going to, once he stopped stopping every other rooftop to catch his breath. It wasn’t even like he was winded. But he couldn’t get in the zone like he could last time. And nothing big enough was happening to help keep his attention--

Which was GOOD. It’s not like he wanted bad things to happen to anyone. The city had been put through enough thanks to him. So, this was ideal. It was just his job to keep running around, checking the police alerts, and be there for others when--if he was ever needed. That would be the good thing to do.

So he tried not to feel too much relief when he heard some boaters had gotten themselves stuck in the middle of the Hudson. He could go and save the Coast Guard a trip or something.

It was simple and easy. Portaled to the river. Find the dudes who needed saving. Reconsider his plan to just put a portal under their boat. It could land weird and break. So Leo decided to portal himself over. He’d land on top and portal everyone to safety. It made more sense on how that would work in his head. In his head, doing that would keep everyone happier with him. That meant he was doing good. Which meant

And Leo didn’t stop to consider that the boat was made for specifically two kayakers. So when he landed his big mouth on it, the dumb plastic thing immediately capsized and dunked them all in the stinky river.

If Leo hadn’t already been keeping what Donnie had described as, “a worryingly tight grip on his swords to the point the action could be considered to be anal retentive personality” then he might have lost them. But, he didn't lose them, and he had cleverly responded with “haha, you said anal.”

The point was. Leo didn’t lose control of himself or his swords and was able to portal both the kayakers to safety.

But the boat. The dumb, stupid, probably expensive boat, went zooming down the river at an annoying speed.

Fine. Leo was a great swimmer. He’d find their stupid boat so they’d be fine and not regret not waiting for the Coast Guard or taking an impromptu swim. Cause Leo would get the boat, and not make their lives any worse. Cause these were good actions which meant he was doing good so he was being good so he was good.

That’s what he told himself when he would take a breath, and watch the cloud of mist appear. Because who goes kayaking in February? Dumb, nice, well-meaning tourists who didn’t know how badly Leo--

There it was. The stupid boat. He portaled it back to the tourists who were already being helped out by actual heroes that wouldn’t have gotten them wet or their boat almost lost. Getting professional care from dudes who knew what they were doing, and not putting on an act the entire time.

Leo portaled himself to a random rooftop and shivered. That was becoming annoyingly recurring. But now with the stupid shit curse and the stupid shit water he was freezing and cold and he wanted to go home but that’s not what taking care of himself would look like. He didn’t get a hug cause--

Wow. That. The thought made him weirdly emotional. Leo didn’t get a hug. He could still have hugs from his family before this curse. But, what if it never got broken? That would mean that--

…

Deep breath. It wasn’t about him. He’d show them. Show Donnie. He was fine. He was good. He was a good brother and a good turtle-person and WOW HE WAS COLD.

Pit stop. He’d keep doing patrol after he dried off. Go home and--

His stupid portals weren’t working. They were taking him to random places again. Started doing this whole annoying routine again after the invasion, and this was probably the worst time for that to happen. Which was great cool and fine and

Warm. Finally.

Yes, he still ached and itched in an annoying way that he could feel down to the marrow of his bones. And he was still freezing, but was warmer than before and he would take it. So he just stood there. Even though if he did stuff like, grab a towel he could dry off faster. There was no way he was taking one step away from whatever was this warm.

“Pepino?”

Aw, c’mon.

Leo had portaled right in front of Hueso’s oven. The oven that the skeleton needed to be putting in a fresh pie right about now. Leo only wished a little bit that he could just climb in the brick oven alongside the ‘za but, that probably would just create more problems down the line.

“S-S-S-S-S’UP!” He forced himself to yell out after an annoying amount of stuttering since his teeth would not stop chattering! It was so over the top! This kind of stuff was only supposed to happen in cartoons!

And that got Hueso to put down the pan and aw c’mon, Leo didn’t have time for this! Neither did the skeleton! That’s why Leo hadn’t really come here since that one time to prove he was okay! They were both busy! Busy being good!

That’s what Leo was trying to explain, in a much cooler way of course, before Hueso stopped him by putting his hands on both of Leo’s shoulders.

It wasn’t exactly like how it had been with Raph and Mikey. Probably something to do with lack of flesh or not? But the relief was still instant, even if not as intense. Like he was finally allowed out of the cold, even if the freezer door was still open. The whole thing made him want to reach out and hug

“Yeah!” Leo shouted, interrupting whatever Hueso had been saying, “M-M-My bad! I’m going right now--”

“You sit down right now or so help me I will--!”

Didn’t have to shout. Going back to the cold and the ache with the itch seemed doubly bad than if he had just stayed in it.

So, malicious compliance. Leo sat down right there on the floor. Or, like, fell to his hands and knees. Point was, he was being good and following the rules. Crawled over to lean against the wall while he waited to hear what else Hueso wanted from him.

This wasn’t so bad. In the grand scheme of whatever, this was nothing. Leo was just uncomfy. There wasn’t anything physically wrong with him.

Which is why it didn’t make sense when Hueso asked, “What is wrong?”

“Ha,” Leo laughed, forcing long and even breaths, “You should--You should ask that to Donnie the next time you see him… Moron hasn’t been taking…taking good care of himself. Never sleeps, never eats, and he’s impossible to talk to.”

That’s who was really bad at taking care of themselves, and had the audacity to try and project it onto Leo. He had enough about himself he was trying to fix, thank you very much! But, he was doing it! Donnie was the rude dude with attitude who was trying to stop his cool self improvement journey or whatever. Throwing stones out of his glass house, only to bounce off of Leo’s totally cool impenetrable house.

And his words didn’t seem to be helping Hueso at all. Okay. Desperate measures.

“I also got a bad case of the literal Cuddles, if you can believe it.”

That time, his words made everything click together for Hueso. And the skeleton gently leaned down and enveloped him in such a nice hug. It was so nice, that it really made all the parts of him that weren’t feeling as nice suck even more. Like, what?

Like how to distract yourself from one pain with another. This hug was taking just enough away from him to leave Leo wanting to cry or run or something. The impossible feeling of feeling worse while doing better.

“You need a hug, and a long one by the sounds of it, by someone you are closer to. By someone you yourself want a hug from.”

His laugh in response to that was not wet.

“Your hugs are always nice. And we’re close, aren’t we?”

Hueso nodded, “Yes, sobrino. Now, eat something and go hug your brothers.”

Grateful to get away from all that wonderful warmth, he stole a slice from a fresh pie and portaled away with some clever joke he couldn’t remember.

And instead of landing in his room like he planned, he fell face first onto the sewer floor. Only managing to keep ahold of his swords, and not the nice gift slice. Great. Cool.

As he walked home, he debated if he should get something else to eat first. And then he thought about if the others had eaten.

Raph and Mikey were really good at making sure the other one ate. Which had been especially important post invasion. Raph had gotten more sensitive to certain food textures, and Mikey’s appetite had been shot. They held each other accountable and worked together to make sure the other stayed fed.

And Donnie…

Well, he also had another food texture to be crossed off his list. That was fine. So did Leo, even if he would never admit it. None of them would be craving calamari ever again.

Donnie benefitted from having Raph and Mikey around. They were a good influence. Even if they couldn’t get Leo to eat as much as they liked, that was fine. Leo was taking care of himself. His twin was the one who needed taking care of. Once he admitted it, everything could go back to the way--

No. He couldn’t think like that anymore either. Things would never go back to normal. Where it was non stop fun and goofs. Because the world was dangerous and they could end up dead if Leo didn’t take it seriously.

But, he could still have fun. The world was worth fighting for. He felt like he cherished and appreciated his family more than ever before, if that were possible. This new normal was fine, as long as they were all together while Leo worked on doing good.

… Was this good? Walking home alone in the sewer, feeling like he was going to freeze solid with every step?

Or, what if he never got home? That he was just walking forever in some sort of stupid purgatory cause he really did die in

“Wow, welcome back. You’re looking good.”

“I know I’m looking better than you are,” Leo responded on autopilot, “Cause you, once again, don’t look like you’ve slept in days.”

“Yeah? Well at least I don’t smell like--Wait, what happened to you?”

Leo didn’t remember when he shut his eyes, but when he opened them, he was under the intense scrutiny of the one and only Donatello with his dumb goggles. And, most importantly, a hand grabbing his arm to keep him from moving.

Something something data points, every time Leo got even the smallest kind of embrace or whatever, it was going to be worse when it stopped. That was a fact his brain was screaming at him now. To shake off Donnie and get it over with. Cause it was only going to get worse before it got better. So rip off that bandaid and jump into that portal before Casey loses his nerve--

“--and what kind of mystic bullshit happened here?! Damnit! Nardo I swear--”

“Oh? You don’t know?” Leo scrambled for a purchase on this possible moral high ground, “Wow! Then it sounds like since I do know what’s going on, I can take care of it myself. Since you don’t know what’s going on. So you can’t help.”

Maybe it had been too mean, by the look that put on his twin’s face was anything to go off by.

But, it got Donnie to yank away and take all the relief with him. Leaving the curse or whatever to redouble.

And, the dude didn’t even really say anything. Just walked away. Slamming a door somewhere.

Cause Leo was taking care of it. This was the good thing to do for… someone. Eventually. Probably.

Day 5

Leo didn’t really remember Day 4.

Vaguely, he remembers shivering in bed. Trying to will himself to move. And then Splinter was checking his temperature and--

If the pain doubled with every released almost hug, then so did the relief. The sensation did not make him cry, but he was ordered to stay on bedrest while he got Purple.

Ha. Jokes on him. Donnie knew now that Leo could take care of himself. The only thing he hadn’t done was admit it out loud.

So, before Splinter could come back empty handed, he’s pretty sure he went on patrol again. Maybe somewhere. Hopefully still New York, since that’s where he had the most hero make-up work to do.

He was just so cold.

That was the worst part. He wasn’t hurt or dying. Wasn’t anywhere near that. And he couldn’t even keep his eyes open; he was shivering too hard. Every step felt like he was moving through air made of fiberglass.

No idea how long he was walking until he remembers sitting on the rooftop edge. Trying to block the wind. There wasn’t supposed to be wind in space.

His phone was buzzing. There wasn’t supposed to be cell service in space either. He remembers watching a documentary on that one time with his family. And there was no way his phone wasn’t just rubble by this point either.

But when he pulled it out of his pocket, there it was. The screen wasn’t even cracked. There should be some sort of humor to that, cause like

Leo always had a cracked phone screen, and he knows his shell must be severely cracked right now. How is his phone going to survive this but not him? Is he really not made of tougher stuff than that?

With numb fingers, he answers one of the calls. It might be Raph’s. Hopefully it’s Raph. He’ll be able to keep everyone safe and--

“WHERE ARE YOU?!”

That was Raph's voice. Or, no, it was Donnie’s voice? No, it was everyone’s voice. They were all talking over one another. Or something. But

Leo was where he was supposed to be, while they were they were supposed to be. The only way for him to do good. So he was good. Just like them.

They were all still yelling at him when he remembered to ask, “You guys okay?”

Donnie was the only one speaking now. Something about how he was gonna kill Leo for removing his tracking chip. But, that probably wouldn’t work with where he was now. No more satellites and stuff so. You know.

“Nardo what are you talking about? Shut up--or don’t--just tell us where you are!”

The question didn’t make sense. Didn’t they watch him? Or, did Raph have them turn away? That would probably be for the best. But, then why were they still looking for him?

“Watch you do what?! You--AUGH! I’m going to strap you down to a bed myself when I catch you--”

No, what? C’mon. They weren’t supposed to… Like, if they couldn’t get him back right away, they were supposed to move on and stuff. Not spend this much time on him.

“Let me, c’mon, let me talk to him--! Leo! Hey, you’re gonna be okay buddy! Is there any sort of signal you can give us? Or, can you tell us what you see around you?”

Leo shook his head at Raph’s voice before remembering they couldn’t hear that.

“Can’t open my eyes… hurts…”

Shouldn’t have said that. Don’t want Mikey to hear.

“That’s okay!” Mikey begged, “Just, can you tell us anything about where you are? Are you still in New York?”

He guessed a part of him always would be? What was--

“GOT IT!” Donnie screamed almost manically, “FINALLY traced his phone! MAN I am hard to track. Okay, are you in this building or on the roof? Cause it’s a big building and--”

That didn’t make any sense. But, that was okay. Donnie was smart like that. Understood things that Leo didn’t. He should have listened to them all before but. Now he was out of time.

“I’m sorry, you guys,” He whispered, “I’m so sorry. I should have listened to you--”

“Do not be sorry nothing to be sorry about--”

Donnie was demanding before Mikey must have taken the phone and asked, “Why are you whispering?”

“Don’t know how much longer… until he finds me,” Leo whispered again, “I love you guys so much. I should have listened.”

His heart was screaming at him to shut up. That last minute words like this just leave loved ones feeling sad. Should have just kept it at his cool, off the cuff hero move talk. That was nice. Wouldn’t haunt them.

They could move on and Leo hoped he would too.

There was some sort of whirl noise like it was coming from a mini helicopter. Maybe? It was a machine noise. Which meant that he’d been found in whatever hiding spot he’d been thrown into. So

“I got you.”

Warmth.

That led to day Five

“Nope, your math is wrong,” Donnie told him from somewhere in the turtle pile, “You were cursed for approximately forty-four hours. Not even close to five days.”

“Prebby sure ish five,” Leo mumbled, head feeling like warm mush. Like fresh mash potatoes from Mikey.

“Eww!” Mikey chuckled from somewhere directly above him, “Not a mashed potato brain!”

All Leo could do was give him a sleepy hum of confirmation.

“Okay, potato head,” Raph was somehow enveloping them, but that’s just what big brothers did and Leo learned not to question it, “Glad you aren’t questioning big brother rules. Now, take another bite.”

It was some sort of warm porridge with little strips of meat and hunks of veggies and it made Leo want to cry with how delicious it was. How it made him feel impossibly warmer and safer with every bite.

But then Raph would say that he would need to pace himself and take it away.

Right. Cause. Can’t last. Gotta keep moving on. Do good.

“You’re doing good,” Raph said, “You’re good.”

The good things come and then they go. And when they go it hurts more.

“Factually incorrect,” Donnie soothed, Leo didn’t know why he had his soothing voice on, “Life is sadly, wonderfully, far more complex than that. That’s why it is so important to have others help you… Which is something I have been neglecting to do.”

Everything was still so warm and comfortable, but,

“I wanna be good without help. So no one else gets hurt.”

His words got him another bite of porridge.

“You’re good,” Raph repeated again, “And it’s good to let us help you. Cause, you’re gonna help us too, right?”

Mikey was making some noise of affirmation, while Leo tried to open his eyes again. Now, he was only having trouble doing that because he was so tired.

“We help each other so we can take care of each other!” Mikey wiped something off of Leo’s cheek, “Life sometimes hurts, but that’s why we help one another, yeah?”

It still didn’t feel right. If anything, it felt like giving up. Letting others get hurt for him ever, wasn’t

“You saved us before,” Donnie said, tightening his hug, “And you’re right that we can’t take care of ourselves--I can’t even take care of myself. So, if you keep saving us, then we’ll keep saving you.”

“But… what if you…”

“Then you’ll save us. And we’ll save you.” Donnie repeated again, “Mikey’s right, that’s just how it works. If you’re worried about us, work with us and we’ll work with you.”

The turtle pile squeezed impossibly closer as Raph tightened his embrace, “We got each other.”

Well. If Raph said it, then it must be true.

That got him a raspberry from Mikey and a dramatic gasp from his twin.

Okay, he could do that. They’d have each other.

#asks #rottmnt #rottmnt fic

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licensedproldier · 27 days ago

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highlights from the dropout anthony padilla/courtney miller interview! (aka things i liked or didnt know)

ally IMMEDIATELY kicking us off by introducing themselves as vic michaelis and dabbing so softly

ally ALSO IMMEDIATELY kicking us off by calmly answering the 'tell us about yourself' question with "ive been testing positive for covid for about 3 weeks now" "is that true?" "of COURSE NOT OH MY GOD??"

ally calls the covid vaccine the "Fauci-ouchie"

its been 1 minute into the video

VIC LYING ABOUT THEIR FAVORITE COLOR FOR NO REASON

its been TWO minutes into the video

ALLY HIJACKING HER ATTEMPT TO ASK AGAIN BY MOVING ONTO THE TRANSITION THEMSELF

ok we're locking in locking in

everyone needs to hear the ally wrongpile beardsley story at least once <3

vic was 100% in on sam's vision for dropout and ally COULD not have been more full of doubt.

all of them saying a contemplative 'ooooo' when asked if they miss sketches and then a beat afterwards vic immediately bursting out with 'sketch is dead i hate sketch. anyway-"

IFY MOO DENG MENTION

ify talking about how close and interconnected the cast is and was off screen since way back

"noo c'mon c'mon those are those pale clammy little hands i love so much 🥺" "theyre DRY AS A BONE"

vic's "I just dont ever think that anyone is thinking about me. like i am thinking about myself 100% more than anyone else is thinking about me"

vic thought it was crazy when they got asked to host VIP because she felt too new for it despite having a lot of experience

ally thinks its funny to make each other do the thing theyre known for but also they agree brennan is just that analytical about every topic and birds are not special KHADGKASJDF

vic and ify enthusiastically agreeing with the above LMAO

vic plays a character of herself while ify performs very close to his actual self

'is the broke comedian bit real' all of them immediately exaggeratedly laughing and looking away and going NOOO WE'RE FINEEE WE'RE FINEEE

ally's analogy of watering a plant that has been dead for a long time and how they might be doing good but the water has a lot of past cracks to fill in which i dont know enough about plants to tell if this is an accurate analogy but its an effective one

money-wise, the tide has turned for the better for them in the last few years 🥺

dropout did profit-share last year! vic cried 🥺

ify "i was there when youtube was created by a couple of guys" GOOGLE HOW OLD IS YOUTUBE. ONLY 19??????

ally needing clarification on if he was actually THERE when it was created or not

ify talking about how more people in the industry are recognizing him FROM dropout things

THE EDITORS ACTUALLY USING THE CLIP OF ALLY'S DAB AS A TRANSITION

vic "10 years ago if you told me i could actually make money from doing improv and my reaction was anything other than 'holy shit thats incredible' i would like murder myself. i would throw myself into a trash can"

immediate no's on "do you feel like you have to share your personal lives on camera" because they just like oversharing

"oh you grew up mormon too?" "no but i just LOVE 💞🥰 the mormons"

"studio CE shoutout. dont shout them out actually. well, you can if you want to."

some great takes on parasocial relationships

ify thinks his audience are the kinky poly folks. can we get a shout from the kinky poly folks!

ify pointing right at the camera and saying "IF you are at a sex party and i introduce myself as IFY do NOT give me your fake stage name. you are saying my REAL GOVERNMENT name here"

ally bringing up chappell roan in the parasocial relationships discussion yoooo

ify doing a voice imitation of his uncle suggesting he do jokes for a relative's graduation KHAGKAJKAKJDFSD

the horror on all their faces when courtney says they're lucky that fans dont ask them to do something funny in public when they meet them

grilled cheese scale: ify's are solid. ally is a good cook but they're allergic to bread, vic inconclusive

vic loves the joke of being called vehicular and would change their government name to it even LMAO

izzy roland shoutout!!!!!

ify's sex dungeon would also be where he paints warhammer minis.

"what is your favorite thing that he did" "...anthony?" "yeah" "th. this? this channel? this right here?"

SZA talked about ify on VIP in a variety article???

SZA INTENTIONALLY DRESSED UP LIKE IFY WAS ON VIP?????

this is like the first time i saw mxmtoon commented on zac's instagram except magnified by a hundred

"Grimes if you're watching this, slide into the DMs"

ally fanning themselves going "thats actually too hot i simply need to go" hearing that lana del rey graduated studying philosophy with an emphasis in metaphysics

everyone at this table ships ally beardsley and lana del rey

nice to know ify and em are still together!

"do you consider yourself an angel of death? i consider myself an angel of death for network television" vic talking about how theyve been on SO many second-to-last episodes of shows that were canceled 😭

Super fun and insightful!!!! we dont get to see these three vibe together much on screen 🥺 video under cut!

youtube

#dropout #dropout.tv #dropout tv #ify nwadiwe #vic michaelis #ally beardsley #anthony padilla #interview hightlights time again!!!#these guys are so fun they were having so much fun #Youtube

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evadnesworld · 13 days ago

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Your Name. (Or more like their name?)

an: saw this quote on this youtube answering tmi questions and it inspired me

pairing: zayne x reader, xavier x reader, rafayel x reader

cw: suggestive in xaviers, no proofreading, wrote this while being very tired, got bored halfway, ooc.

“Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language." - Dole Carnegie

Zayne

Oh, how he wished you could view yourself through his eyes; he knew that if you did, then your breath would be taken away from the sheer adoration, and loyalty he felt for you. In his eyes your beauty could not be described with words, for even the words of poets would fall short. Your eyes, they held the stars, no not even. The stars would shy away, believing their beauty to be inferior to your magnificence. They would dim themselves for your light was too bright for them to handle. He believed that sculptors and artists across the world would make you their muse, your body perfection with every dip and curve, with every blemish and inperfection- in his eyes everything about you was just- you.

Thats how he'd describe it, he just loved you.

Your soul, your personality, your eyes, ears, hair, everything! You truly ensnared him, without knowing it, you had him wrapped tightly around your finger. Honestly, if he didnt build up self control during his academic venture, then he'd definietly look a fool since he would shamelessly listen to your every beck and whim. I mean who wouldn,t look at you!

But a lot of the times (some would say more often than not) he did indeed listen to you. Adoring the nicknames you gave him even under his teasing and brooding guise when you spoke to him. But there was one other thing he adored even more than just your usual chatting session, and that one thing would be- his name.

Okay, that does sound a bit arrogant, I mean- who would admit that they like hearing their name being said? He was very aware of how it would have come off like, so he kept it to himself in fear of you bing a bit put off by it. But, the eyes dont lie. (and the actions dont either.)

To say you loved teasing him was an understatement, youd try to find anything to get him even a bit riled up, even if it was something small like switching his beloved tea flavors with some bitter revolting tastes-it was never too small. You were quite observant too,you wre well versed in the art of Zaynes monotone expression, a master even!

And when you discovered his reaction when you would call his name out instead of those wild or romantic nicknames you decided to bestow him with, you decided that you would not let that chance to tease him slip away.

"Zayne." You whispered out, your voice laced with a sweeter tone than usual. You eyed him from the couch which you currently sat on, seeing him stiffen ever so slightly as he read a few articles right next to you. The two of you enjoying the silence and were more than satisfied to just bask in each others presence. But now you decided that the silence would be filled with various teasing words.

"Zayne." You repeated once again resembling the constant mocks of a bird who just learned how to cuss. He looked at you, his mouth ever so slightly agape, his eyes dilated, and his eyes a bit more open than usual. If anyone saw this, they wouldn't think anything of his expression, but they weren't you- they weren't as close to him as you were.

He sucked in a breath, "Yes my love?" he inquired, his voice steadied from its unusual wavering.

"Zayne," you repeated once again before deciding to bring up some random topic to cover your abnormal repetition of his name. "Why is it that when you're in love with someone and you see them, your pupils dilate?" looking up at him to meet his gaze, you hoped your nonchalant attitude and tone wouldn't arouse any suspicion from him.

clearing his throat, he seemed to not catch on yet. "It's because your brain releases dopamine and oxytocin, which triggers that involuntary response." He elaborated a bit more on it, you made sure to keep your eyes on him.

"Oh, that's interesting, right Zayne?" With the amount of times you had repeated his name, people would question whether you were a living human being or a broken record player, doomed to play the same lyric again and again.

Oh you would truly be the death of him.

But you weren't too careful this time, batting your lashes at him with a teasing smile. He chuckled before he leaned in, trying to match your (freak) teasing. "Yes, [name]?" He asked, mimcking your previous actions and whispering, words sounding like honey. His voice husky, and his breath tickling your ear.

Curse this guy, he was gonna be the death of you.

"Is there anything you need, [name]?" He was definitely worse than a parrot repeating what foul language their owner taught them because they at least copied their tone too, but he decided to take it up a notch by making his tone deep, husky, and just way too hot for you to handle.

He took your hands and intertwined them with his, his smile teasing. Two could play that game, and it was a game he made sure to win. He saw your flushed expression and your faint pout. He chuckled, patting your head once more, "Are you mad at me, [name]?"

He was insufferable- the stoic, patient, loving kind of insufferable.

And he would vaguely bring this up often, not making it obvious but you both knew what he meant every time he decided to draw out your name. Making sure to use it in more than just day to day instances.

Rafayel

"Do you have a sudden obsession with my name? I know its a pretty name, everything about me is pretty, unlike those fat fish from the pond." he crossed his arm, his gaze eyeing you up and down relentlessly. If it weren't for your constant teasing and his slight pout, you'd think he was checking you out.

You laughed, "If you're aware that it's a gorgeous name then why won't you let me say it however many times I want to?" You furrowed your brows in a playful manner, mimicking his pose as you also crossed your arms, forcing that adorable slight pout of his.

He grasped dramatically, "Not only are you repeating my name like some sort of chant, but now you're mocking me? I may be a fish, but i'm no dumb fish." Now, his dramatic gestures worsened as he turned away from you with a loud huff.

Plus, the fact that you were laughing at him like there was no tomorrow was not helping your cause. You smiled as you poked his shoulder from behind, an attempt to get his attention- a failed attempt may I add. His frequent looking back to see if you were there did not go unnoticed.

"Raf, I wasn't mocking you, I just really like saying your name." Grinning, you gave him a kiss on his shoulder. That would surely warrant a reaction from him, and that it did. "Glub, glub, glub. I'm just a fishy, I don't understand these dumb human gestures and weird language." You both rolled your eyes.

"Rafayelllll," you drawled out his name once again, this time he turned to look at you. I mean how could he not? Not when you were saying his name like that, and even if your flirty tone wasn't on purpose he'd still turn around! Your voice was too beautiful for him too handle, he was like your cat, if you told him to sit then he probably wouldn't sit immediately but he would at some point. Or maybe thats a bad analogy, dont cats usually eat fish?

You patted him on his head, a gesture he would not dare lean away from, melting into your warm and loving hold.

If being able to hear your voice, his name falling from your lips, and just being able to see you meant him having to sacrifice something of his then so be it. For he'd give you his heart if he could.

How could a painted handle losing his favorite muse afterall?

Xavier

Now, unlike the other two who would shy away at your gesture, Xavier would do anything but that.

Say his name again and again, I dare you. But be warned, if you do then theres no getting rid of him.

He's a clingy guy, cat form or not, he just always wants to be by you. It's not something that can be helped, I mean who wouldn't want to be next to someone as dazzling as you? He sure wanted to.

So when you decided to repeat his name like some sort of mantra, to say he instantly stuck to your side would be an understatement- and also a lie. But thats because he was already by your side. His hands would snake around your waist, his head laying on your shoulder as his warm breath tickled your shoulder. There was never gonna be a different outcome than this, he loved you too much.

He loved your voice, your hands, your eyes, your everything.

So haring his name being said time and time again was truly a treat, "Xavier,", "Xavier!", "Xavier?" Oh, it sounded like a lullaby, if that was what he wok up to everyday, then wiping his smile off of his face would prove arduous.

"Xavier, I'm gonna die here!" You patted his back, his body was currently draped over yours after you decided to say his name like there was no tomorrow. I mean, you usually gave him a cute nickname, reserving his name for a more intimate moment. And whenever his name was said during said moment, it would just make something click.

So tonight, was no obviously not gonna be different, your hands were clasped with his. You were under him, his hair draping over you, tickling your everything. Your face was hot, and you could feel his smirk against your skin. His touch was prickly, it sparked warmth all across your body, it was too intoxicating. it was something you wouldnever get tired of.

"Would you care to repeat that once more for me? It sounded really nice being said by you." He was surpisingly straightforward, as he usually beat around the bush or just never said anything. You really just had that effect on him at the moment, so you repeated it once more.

Maybe you shouldn't have, but thats what made you wind up in this spot.

Your hands pinned to the bed, his legs between yours, the room felt hot, fuzzy. The air felt prickly against your bare skin as you heard the words spew out of his mouth once more,

"Can you say it once more for me, please?"

dividers by @/saradika-graphics

#evadnesworld #fanfic #fluff #lads #lnds #love and deepspace #romance #lads fluff #lnds fluff #lnds rafayel #lnds xavier #lnds zayne #lads zayne #lads xavier #x reader #rafayel #xavier #zayne #suggestive

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arsynnotarson · 10 months ago

Text

so. you wanna start making ug subs (underground subliminals)? let the ex ug sub maker explain some stuff

disclaimer: this is only how to make! this doc is a great starting point for the other things like manifesting and what not

firstly: get your materials

the main thing you need is something to read affirmations. using a tts software is what most, if not all submakers use. i use the software balabolka, which lets you change the pitch, speed, and volume of the text, but free tts and ttsmp3 are websites you can also use, though they do come with usage and character limits, which is a pain if you plan on doing longer and more detailed subs. you can also read out your own affirmations too instead, which might work better depending on what you believe.

the next thing you need is some audio. youtube to mp3 and YtMp3 (beware of viruses) are two of which i used if you have something off youtube you wanna use. i recommend asmr (for those of you that like it) of any type; rain is a common audio choice, but i see slime asmr, clicking asmr, you name it, used too. music is also a good choice, but ive heard that music with lyrics can mess with your subconscious, but all that's limiting you is your own beliefs. also, a critique ive heard on music is that it can get repetitive and you might not want to listen to it over and over if you plan on reusing a subliminal (but then again so can any audio, so who's to say?)

the final thing you need is something to mix the two together. a software like capcut can work, but so can a software like audacity.

optional: something to make the sub into a video with. wanna incorporate your transition goals / desired results as images into your sub? good choice. you can use capcut for that, as thats what ive used.

secondly: writing affs (affirmations)

so now youve got yourself prepared, now comes the main attraction of subliminals: the affirmations. make sure to visualize what you want for the best affs, as it helps with making sure you got everything down and dont accidentally leave out an aff or two you made this whole subliminal around.

now, you can use the law of assumption or law of attraction, but i focus on law of assumption-type affs, as that's what works best for me. here are some base affirmations:

"i have [blank]"

"i have always had [blank]"

"i know i have [blank]"

short and straight to the point affs like this are what ive found to work best personally. dont be afraid to go all out with these, either: your subconscious knows what you want. its very smart. be as detailed as you want.

make as many affs as you see fit, as its your reality you're affirming.

thirdly: mixing the affs + audio

go into the software i assume you have gotten by now and throw those two little mp3s (your affs and audio) into it.

you're gonna wanna make your affs quiet, or at least quieter than the audio, but not mute. the plan with this is that your conscious hears the audio, but your subconscious hears the affirmations and takes it as truth. your conscious is none the wiser. you should set the affs' audio to be just enough to where you yourself can't hear them.

speeding up the affs is a common thing people do (but it might make the affs easier to hear so make sure to relisten to make sure that doesnt happen), but its not an absolute need.

extra: layering affs

layering is putting affirmation audio over another affirmation audio. it can be the same affs, either more sped up, slowed down, or even reversed, or an entirely new set of affs. this can be used to kill two birds with one stone so to speak depending on how you use it, or can make your subliminals stronger / more effective.

extra: bundling subliminals / bundles

bundles are subliminals that combine two subliminals into one mp3. while this might sound like layering, and while it is similar, its taking two completed affs / subs and putting them together (hence bundle) into one mp3. an example would be subliminal x and subliminal y are both about topic z, so they could be bundled into subliminal xy and be "z bundle" (i really hope that made sense)

extra: booster subliminals

booster subliminals (or, "boosters") are made to enhance, speed up, or overall help your results come quicker. this can be achieved by just simply writing affs like "all of my desired results are here already" and bundling / layering it with other subliminal audios (make sure to make as quiet as the affs!!)

extra: formulas

formulas are ways of writing affirmations. some formulas work wonders, and become staples of some sub makers creative process, and because of this, a lot of submakers are protective of it. you can make your own formulas, too, so test out the waters to see which style of affs help you the most!!

extra: angel numbers

angel numbers are the same number that repeats in succession, typically in threes and fours. an example would be 111, 333, 888, 9999, and so on. angel numbers are seen as signs from the universe that your results are coming true as a whole, but each set has their own meanings. you can also choose to assign a certain angel number to assure you of your results, to make sure youre not running into coincidences.

extra: frequencies

certain frequencies can help you attract certain energies. 432Hz can attract happiness, which very helpful when affirming, as happiness helps results come faster, in my experience.

anyways, this has been arsyn's official tutorial on sub making!! remember, you can manifest anything you want. keep believing. stay safe

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dsaf-confessions · 9 months ago

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I've been in the dsaf fandom for a year or two by now lol. but like I've only been lurking and...some fans take dsaf TOO seriously. Like, no hate. none at all. but,, I wish people acknowledged more often that Dayshift at freddy's at it's core, is silly. like, all three games are full of jokes (some less than others) and that's the original premise. Yeah, there's the serious lore bits and all.. but what about the SILLY bits? Can we have the silly bits appreciated? Jack can piss for 15 minutes straight, Dave ate an entire ashtray of lit cigarette butts and lost his sense of taste after, ALL the phone guys were programmed to say "darn" and "heckin'!" as a substitute for swearing, and Dee is a tickler (not ticklish, a TICKLER she tickled Dave til his springlocks went off in the premature ending, and she can tickle Jack when in the suit to set it off if you don't wind the box). Henry is the reason why they have cameras in the fazbender's bathrooms.

I love seeing the serious bits too, but I wish people spent as much time with the silly bits as the serious ones. Even when it comes to making your own silly bits!!! Like, yess!!!! Go write that Undertale!DSAF AU. Go write about Dave and Jack as kitchen appliances. Go write about what you headcannon Dee's favorite songs and movies are. Go write about Jack having magical princess half wolf demon powers. EVEN WITH THE PAINTINGS!!! I saw a drawing of Dave and Jack in sailor moon get up and they killed it. absolutely. I know the dsaf artists out here are killing it with their art, it's all amazing and I have lovingly gazed at all of them before. and yes!!!!! Go RP as Peter Kennedy having a deep carnal desire for bird watching, go RP as Harry Fitzergald enjoying himself at an aquarium, go RP as Dave Miller spending hours trying to figure out how air fryers work so he can give it a shot at building one at home.

Please do anything your heart desires!!!!! You can look out the car window with your headphones in and listen to music while imagining sad sfms of the characters and keep it to yourself. But if you wish to share, just now that there's people out there that have been wishing someone would create what they've been imagining too!!! Make your funky spotify character playlists!! Even your youtube music ones!! Because there will be someone out there who thinks the same as you and enjoys them the same as you !!

I live for the serious ones too. Please, go write that heartfelt fic about Dave yearning for his soulless friend's presence in the afterlife. Please, go write about Jack despairing that he doesn't just stop existing after death, and is stuck in a void. Please, go write about Dee speaking to the gang in afterlife about how she wishes she had a longer childhood, and how she is sad that the very few things that made her childhood a childhood is gone and that she can never truly have it back( jack, and all the friends and lovely gifts and animals and all the joy). Please, go write about DaveTrap surviving the fire in the good ending and being miserable because no matter how much he was angry and hateful, he missed Jack, he missed having a quarrel with him, he missed asking just one more time, if Jack wanted to kill kiddins' with him, and then him having to visit Jack's grave and despairing that Jack had never lied when he told him his name. And then DaveTrap sees the other graves, all the other ones, of the kids that died at fazbender's because of fazbender's. And he also sees a grave bearing his own name. His real name. And it was right next to four other graves, of people who's names rang bells in his ears, of people with a last name he recognized, of people he remembered betting on whether or not they'll die with Henry.

AHHH I think this might be too long. i just love ranting about my ideas because as much as i have a love for writing, i can never execute the ideas. they are cursed to forever be just an idea i can share to my friends who don't like dsaf but like hearing my rambles.

So, whoever is reading this, please go enjoy the games as much as you wish!! enjoy the silly AND the serious side !!!!!

#dsaf confessions #dsaf #dayshift at freddy's

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huhustuff · 2 years ago

Note

you could do more arthur fluff HC’s like when you’re actually dating!!xx

‎

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐀𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐓𝐯 𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 (𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟐)

🍦🧸💨

‎

___________________________________________

‎

Just wants to be close to you sometimes. And if you are busy he is happy to just be near you while you do your thing. For example when you’re talking with a friend or a family member on the phone whilst lying down Arthur will come and lie down, face on your stomach so that he doesn’t bother you, but can satisfy his craving for your presence. If you start absent-mindedly running your hand through his hair he might just purr.

Talking of hair. Arthur’s hair is especially fluffy in the morning and you have to hold yourself back from touching it every time. Until he tells you that he likes his hair played with it. From then on it is fair gameeee.

Appreciates little, random things about you. From little gestures you do when you are nervous to your favorite type of flowers, birds, sweets etc. Once told you that your handwriting was adorable and almost triggered cute aggression in you.

Watching some “90-day Fiance” episodes with him for his youtube videos. Arthur finding it humorous to see how flabbergasted you were by some of the behaviors of the people on the show.

Being used to him making outrageous jokes about people randomly. But even after a long time, he does not do the same thing to you. First, you’re like aww, but then, you kinda want him to go off.

Lowkey setting jokes up for him, but Arthur never takes the bait.

After a period of time he understands what you’re trying to do, so now he will not make direct jokes at you because it does not feel right to him, but also because he is a little stubborn like that.

Having that awkward period when both of you are somewhat aware it is not just a friendship between yall, but also not knowing what else it is. And when friends would ask about it either of you would just have to shrug your shoulders.

When the two of you are an actual thing, it would be so fun to see people trying to figure out if you and Arthur were dating or not. Knowing that hiding it would be a useless effort you would tease them a little instead.

Thrilled to hear you talk about your childhood, family, and your home along with the culture it withholds. They all shaped you into the person you are today, the person he adores so much. So automatically Arthur wants to hear all about them.

And loving your voice makes him enjoy it even more.

Incase you are worrying or contemplated about something Arthur would always try to help you if you let him. Very good at listening and even better at giving advice.

You do not know how he does it, but every time he manages to make you feel better just with his words.

Likes to give you back hugs, but if you do the same. ahahahahaha. Butterflies breed like wildfire in his stomach. And then you have the audacity to kiss his shoulder and ask him if he is okay. Bro would fold in a millisecond.

Him getting teased by his mates.

HAND! HOL-DING! From the first date to the end of our days. Arthur and you will be connecting those hands as if it's a 6th sense the two of you have developed.

Down to indulge in that aesthetic couple type of life. Going on a cute little picnic and laying next to each other under the sun after (on that one day a year when it is sunny in Britain).

Visiting cozy cafes early in the morning.

Stargazing. Arthur probably knows weirdly a lot about the stars as well.

Actually falling in love with him lmao.

Being with him just feels right. Before relationships seemed so complicated, commitment and the constant fear of losing the person you love to the relationship seemed to be worries left in the past.

Being loved by Arthur feels like a Lana del Ray song (but he isn’t 17 years older than you-).

‎

Hope you enjoyed these headcanons and that you have a wonderful day or night 💫!!

#arthurtv imagine #arthurtv x reader #arthurtv #fluff #sidemen imagine #8th sidemen imagine

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ghostchems · 2 years ago

Note

Hear me out, hear me out...

Soft possessive Terzo with a virgin S/O.. I recently just went on YouTube and watched a thousand Terzo 'The birds and the bees' vids and in one of them he said something among the lines of ''It's the inexperience that makes me tremble.'' and that drove me wild, so I am in desperate need of more smut<3

so. sooo. uh, yeah.

You shuffle your feet outside of Papa’s quarters. Your chest feels tight, nervousness coursing through you. You know you should feel honored but it’s impossible for you not to be a little bit afraid.

What started as some friendly teasing among the other sisters of sin ended up exposing the fact that you were a virgin. Before the actual teasing had begun but after the idea was floated around to set you up with a ghoul, Papa had swooped in and offered to do the honors. The rest of the sisters quieted down and you knew that they had to be at least a tiny bit jealous.

Terzo had smiled and told you that inexperience made him tremble. He gently kissed the back of your hand and gave it a pat, telling you to meet him at his quarters that night.

And now, you are here. You decided to wear a short, flowing dress with nothing underneath. It made you feel a bit sexy and scandalous and you hope he thought so too. You knock softly on the door and Papa opens it at once, already in a loose silk robe and nothing else. Your eyes drift down to between his legs and see the outline of his dick.

“I’ve been thinking of you, cara.” Terzo winks and takes you by the hand. Your cheeks flush as he guides you inside the Papal Suite and you can hardly take in how truly luxurious it all looks. Instead your eyes are focused on Papa while you start to feel heat pooling between your legs.

“Please, sit.” He motions to the bed and you do as you're told, crossing your legs and settling your hands in your lap. “Are you nervous, dolce?” Terzo takes a seat beside you, his knee pressing into yours and his legs spread wide so that you can almost fully see his cock and balls.

“A little bit, yeah.” You muster, managing a sheepish smile. He leans in close to you and your breath catches in your throat. You’ve never been this close to Papa before.

“Cara, this is about you. We do what you are comfortable with, si? We don’t even have to fuck if you don’t want to.” His fingers toy with the spaghetti straps of your dress. “If you like something, tell me. If something makes you uncomfortable, per favore, tell your Papa. Capisce?” Terzo leans in even further, his nose brushing against yours. “Understand, sorella?”

“Y-yes, Papa.” You whisper as your eyes fall to his lips. They quirk into a grin and heat rushes to your face. Terzo pushes the straps off of your shoulders, his fingertips dancing along your skin and moving to your neck. His lips brush against yours and you draw in a sharp breath, his fingers trailing your jaw as he presses his lips firmly to you.

It’s so warm and welcoming. You melt into the kiss, your eyes falling shut as you reach for his chest. It rumbles with your touch. His own hands fall to your breasts, massaging them through your dress. He pinches at your nipples and you gasp into his mouth, pressing even closer into him. Terzo’s tongue pushes into your mouth and you moan at the taste of him. You press your thighs together, feeling yourself growing more aroused by his touches.

He tugs your dress down, exposing your breasts. His thumbs swipe over your nipples before pinching at them again. You whine as he pulls away from this kiss. You’re able to take in how smudged the paint on his lips are before he dips down and mouths at your collarbone. Terzo’s strong hands move to grip at your waist and pushes you back onto the bed, lowering you to your back.

His knee settles between your legs as his lips find one of your breasts, flicking his tongue against the nipple before taking it into his mouth. Your hips snap, grinding against his knee in search of any kind of friction. Terzo lifts his head up to look at you, his pupils blown wide with lust. He spreads your legs and settles between them, his hard cock pressing against your core as he pushes your dress up.

“Are you ready, cara? We are going to go nice and slow, okie dokie?” He whispers huskily as he lines himself up. You reach for his shoulders and nod enthusiastically. You don’t think you’ve ever been this wet in your life. Terzo slips off his robe and you get to see him in his full glory. He truly is so handsome. All of your fear is gone and is replaced with lust for him.

Still, the thought of the first time hurting popped up into your brain but you are expecting it, at least. Terzo pushes in slowly, sucking in a breath as he inches into you. You’re surprised to find that it doesn’t hurt at all but you feel some pressure as you stretch around him. He bottoms out and hisses, dipping his head into the crook of your neck.

“H-how are you feeling, dolce? Good, yes?” He sighs into your neck.

“Good, yes.” You whisper and bring your hips up to meet his. Terzo gives a soft groan.

“S-so tight. I’m going to… start now, okay?” He picks his head up and starts to slowly roll his hips. An involuntary moan spills from your lips, your eyes squeezing shut and your mouth dropping open. You can feel his cock twitch inside you while he keeps a steady pace. You start to grow a bit more confident and wrap your legs around his waist, which allows for him to push in even deeper.

“O-oh.” You whine and arch you back. Terzo grips onto your hips and his thrusts grow a bit quicker. You start to feel the band in your stomach tighten even more, the muscles in your legs tensing.

“You like this, cara? You like the f-feeling of my cock in your t-tight cunt?” He growls, his hips snapping roughly.

“Yes, P-papa!” You cry out, your nails digging into his shoulders. “M-more, please.”

Terzo obliges, his thrusts growing more erratic and he moans deeply against your ear. A couple more snaps of his hips and you feel it, the rush of pleasure coursing through you, a whimpering sob falling from your lips as it overtakes you. He is close behind you, a growl ripping from his throat while he fills you up with shallow thrusts.

You feel lighter but your eyes are wide, staring at the ceiling while zoning out. He is panting on top of you, his strong hands tugging you to his side as he rolls off. Your eyes meet his sleepy ones and you take in his face. His paint is now completely smudged and this may be the closest you’ll ever get to see him without it.

“How was that, cara?” Terzo hums, pulling you up against him and then reaching for the covers. You’re in a daze but you’re able to smile dreamily. You tuck your head against his chest.

“Very good.”

“I usually last longer but… eh, you were just so tight.” He chuckles and nuzzles his nose against your forehead. “You enjoyed it, though? Perhaps next time we can experiment a bit more, si?”

“Next time?” You pick your head up and look at him with big eyes.

“If you’ll have me again, dolce.” He winks.

#HORNT ON THIS THURSDAY MORNING #papa emeritus x reader #papa emeritus iii #terzo #mdni #smut #terzo request

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minhyeong · 2 years ago

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NCT DREAM + SIMPLE DATES !

[ mark ]

huddling together by the dinner table building a 10,000 piece mini lego set that he impulsively bought on his way back

you think his knitted brows will create permanent wrinkles after he maintained the same expression for hours so you smooth your thumb along his forehead

he’s muttering curses every time he places the wrong piece down and has to jam his fingernail into the small gap to separate them

cutely scrunches up his shoulders and gives you a bashful smile when you take the pieces from him and pry them apart

you literally have to drag him away from the table or he will stay up all night to complete it

[ renjun ]

sitting cross-legged on the bed folding fresh laundry together while a true crime podcast is playing in the background

you’re tugging your favorite hoodie of his out from the pile of clothes and mindlessly looping your limbs into the sleeves

he’s grimacing when the gory details come out in the podcast and giving you the most suspicious look when he witnesses you giggling

his eyes narrow when he hypothetically asks whether you would commit a crime while wearing his clothes

the neatly folded pile is all ruined when you launch yourself at him just to squeeze him in your arms because everything he does is stupidly endearing

[ jeno ]

learning how to crotchet together because you spontaneously wanted to make a scarf instead of purchasing one

it becomes a race to see who can master the very basics first, and he quickly gets ahead even though he spent forever stuck on making the slip knot at first

doesn’t even realize that his limbs are all tangled up in the ball of yarn until he can barely move his elbow

drops everything to give you a hand massage when you start to feel it cramping up from all the practice

he completes his scarf first and excitedly wraps it all around you until half of your face is covered, and you can’t wait to wear it out despite its small imperfections

[ haechan ]

pampering one another with face masks and 92 layers of skincare on a rare self-care night

he sighs contently when he lays his head on your lap and you delicately apply some eye masks for his dark circles

absolutely refuses to get up even after you’re done and pretends that he’s asleep with loud, dramatic snoring (the “just five more minutes” repeats for an hour)

makes you run your hand through his hair while he’s at it

you flick him in the forehead when he gets playful and starts to tickle you in the waist

[ jaemin ]

packing food to go feed ducks at the nearby lake before the cold season hits and everything freezes

he starts naming all of the ducks and claiming them as his children and asks if you two can adopt one and bring it home

you have to steal the empty basket from him before he tries to sneak something in there

other people walking by probably give you a look when they hear him make cooing noises at the ducks but you just pull him close with a proud smile

you leave the lake with a video of a flock of birds chasing after him and he’s flailing around as he runs away

[ chenle ]

pushing aside all the furniture in the living room to do couples yoga together just because he saw videos on youtube and confidently thinks he could do all of the complicated poses

you hesitantly suggest to start off with something simple but he’s already eager to try the double plank pose and even jokes that you can be on the bottom

purposely shakes and drops his arms while he’s supporting you just to scare you but always catches you at the last second

uses this opportunity to annoyingly wiggle his hips in your face

just ends up leaning on you when he finally gets tired and rubs his sweaty cheeks all over your shoulder

[ jisung ]

crawling under the covers with your phone and facetiming at midnight when he’s miles away

learning all about his day and him animatedly talking about a snack he had two hours ago as if it’s the best thing he tasted his entire life and how he can’t wait to bring some back for you to try

he definitely drops the phone on his face more than once or twice

you run out of storage on your phone because all you do is take a billion screenshots of him and you just can’t delete any of them

the way he blushes when he mumbles something about missing you after he thought you fell asleep (it’s absolutely a jump scare for him when you suddenly open your eyes)

#nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct fluff #nct dream scenarios #nct dream fluff #nct headcanons #mark scenarios #renjun scenarios #jeno scenarios #haechan scenarios #jaemin scenarios #chenle scenarios #jisung scenarios

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nayatarot777 · 1 year ago

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how can you feed your spirit? • pac

if you’re interested in a personal video reading, my patreon readings, or my youtube readings, then find the links to all of those things on my website here!

• pile one •

you guys may feel like you really have a hole in your soul or a hole in your spirit due to someone who lacked so much empathy. someone who had so much hidden envy or jealousy towards you. someone who showed you fake love to get what they wanted from you. it doesn’t matter who this person is - they could be a fake family member, a fake friend, a coworker, a bitch-made partner who saw multiple things in you that they were threatened by and jealous of. your guides are telling you to not be afraid to use your voice and speak up about this and how they’ve hurt you. whether they see it or not, getting out what you want to say will heal you a lot. you could put them on blast online. because this person holds a lot of secrets - and therefore made you feel like you had to hold onto secrets due to the effects of this person’s bs behaviour towards you. don’t be afraid to speak up about thus. you will have support and you will have people who are a circle of protection for you. i’m hearing that this person literally tried to end you in some way. for some of you literally and for others of you figuratively, with the way that they tried to crush your spirit any chance that they could. i’m gonna put it out there - this person is highly narcissistic. they don’t feel guilt or remorse for what they did. they don’t feel bad at all. they don’t have a heart. they’re probably the types of people who come across like they don’t even have a soul and that’s why yours triggered them so much. this is someone who doesn’t feel anything, so don’t feel bad for putting this person on blast. you hold a lot of knowledge on this person that they want you to keep quiet about. they expect you to hold the burdens of what they did to you in silence as if they’re owed that. they’re owed nothing. especially not from you. any anxiety that you’ve been experiencing due to this person and what you had to endure, you can relieve through divination (tarot in particular), just like how what you’re doing now. there may still be things that you’re not entirely clear on and divination will give you more of an objective and birds-eye view of this person and this situation. it’s time to write or speak about what you experienced with this person. and doing this online could definitely be the best method of doing so. it’s time to change the dynamic between you, because you’re holding burdens that shouldn’t and don’t belong to you. they belong to this person. so take them off of you and give it to who’s supposed to have it.

• pile two •

you guys could definitely have a fear of having responsibility over your own life. it seems like you reject opportunities that allow you to take a more authoritative approach and become the ruler of your own life. perhaps because you’ve been infantilised by parents or caregivers so much. and while they could’ve done this out of love and care for you, they haven’t done you any favours by doing this since you’re now someone who doesn’t know how to lead yourself without someone else telling you what to do. for others of you, these people infantilised you by instilling fear of the world and of life in general into you so that you’d always be dependent onto them. because that’s how they keep you tethered to them - even if they’re toxic or maybe even abusive towards you. a lot of you could feel like you’re a lot younger internally than you are physically, and this is the reason why. the first thing that you need to do is to practice some type of self-love. if you’re into witchcraft, do some self-love spells. i’m also seeing that a lot of you need to drink more water. as a way of easing yourself into responsibility in life, you could start with something small like caring for a plant daily. or taking responsibility over your health by setting an exercise routine or going for daily walks or something like that. you just need to find something that allows you to step into your power. any fear that you have towards stepping out of your comfort zone needs to be addressed. you need to look within yourself and do some ‘shadow work’. what about the world or what about life scares you so much? there may also be some responsibility that you have in terms of spiritual gifts. especially if you’re a tarot reader yourself or if you’re just clairvoyant or something similar. you may be rejecting these gifts but you shouldn’t. your power is in this, and every-time you reject these gifts, you reject your strengths. i’m also hearing that you could take more responsibility over your diet too. to choose healthier food options - especially if you’re from a family that doesn’t prioritise something like that. you need to stop rejecting yourself and your own power. if you have parents and family who genuinely love you and don’t just view you for how doing everything for you can feed their ego and their sense of self-importance, then they’ll understand the natural part of life where you have to grow into your own person. if not, then they’ll just try to reject and negatively influence any type of authority and leadership that you take for yourself over your own life - but this is needed.

• pile three •

you need to put yourself on a higher pedestal, pile three. you need to elevate the viewpoint that you have of your true self. you have experiences of being vilified for speaking up for yourself and saying exactly what you mean, and that’s caused a lot of shame within you - simply just because you spoke truths and people didn’t like it (probably because you were exposing their bs), but if you allow yourself to shut yourself up and not use your voice, you’re letting these people silence you completely and to destroy the strength of your voice that you have. you’re the person who’s not afraid to say what everyone else is thinking - but what everyone else is too afraid to say. the strongest person in the room will always try to be taken down by others who are intimidated by them. if people didn’t see you as a force to be reckoned with, they wouldn’t feel threatened by you in the first place, right? this vilification may have really affected your confidence and your ability to see yourself in a positive light. and perhaps your ability to listen to your intuition too, due to being gaslit out of what you know that you know. it’s time to step into some bravery and not be afraid of being seen as the villain by those who are the actual villains themselves. perhaps there are some things that you need to address about your home life or within your family. they probably won’t like what you have to say and they probably will try to paint you out to be the bad guy like always, but there’s going to be more strength that you find in yourself speaking your truth and being known as the villain instead of suppressing yourself. for a lot of you, your family has implemented so much rage, anger, and sadness within you. you’re going to be vilified either way so you might as well live in your truth, right? you have more of a higher perspective than any of these people and you know the truth about whatever situations people try to push you away from seeing and speaking about. when you speak the truth, you unmask the people full of negative energy, behaviour, and mindsets. and i’m hearing that for some of you, you could feel like this person or these people are literally evil - the devil incarnate, even. you don’t have to listen to the shit that comes out of these people’s mouths about you, but they’ll always be listening to what you have to say out of fear of you exposing them some more. do it 🤭.

• pile four •

the first thing that i’m seeing for you is that you should focus on healing yourself sexually. you could be a very sexual person or sexually open behind closed doors, but you still have some sexual shame from expectations and familial or societal pressures put onto you. accepting yourself for your sexuality (in whatever way that is), or accepting your naked body is important. i’m also seeing that some of you might hide who you truly are or how you truly feel behind anger as a defender mechanism. you might always be ready for battle with other people when you feel tried and tested or triggered by something, but it’s time for healing and not war at this point of your life. you could be self-destructing through your anger and defensiveness - and while this is understandable, it’s not healthy for you to consistently be in this energy. there’s also something or someone that you need to clear out of your life. could be a parent or a guardian, but it’s time to clear someone or something out of your life that makes you feel criticised and ridiculed. this person puts a lot of pressure onto you and forces you to hide who you truly are for the sake of their acceptance. if this is about a parent or a family member, then understand that their love shouldn’t be conditional. that means that their love is self-serving. they’re not loving you because you’re their child or because you’re someone who deserves love (which you do). they’re loving you in exchange for what they can get to fulfil them and their ego. it’s self-serving “love” that’s expressed for the sake of themselves and not you. if this isn’t about necessarily clearing this person completely out of your life, then you need to clear their criticisms out. i’m hearing “speak no evil, see no evil, hear no evil”. put up boundaries and conditions in the same way that they do to you. let them know that if they’re going to say certain things to you, then they’re not welcome in your space and nor are they welcome to speak to you (and neither is anyone who’s willing to listen to and relay back to you their bs). also, maintain spiritual protection. burn incenses, white candles or tea lights, do protection spells. i feel like there are people sending you evil-eye and talking shit behind your back, even if you don’t actually see or hear this. but this could be affecting you negatively energetically. do some sort of spiritual protection or return-to-sender and leave them to stew in their criticisms of you that are actually just criticisms of themselves that they’re projecting out onto you.

#pick a card #psychic readings #pac #tarot reading #pick a photo #tarot #pac reading #pick a picture #divination #spirituality

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grizzy-ly · 1 year ago

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Depths (Nix!Krueger x Reader)

In which Krueger is a *completely* innocent water spirit who just wants to talk to you... C'mon, don't be harsh, sit down, relax, *hold your breath*-- or don't.

[Inspired by Dall ASMR's Nøkken series on YouTube]

I have been frothing at the mouth for more dedicated Krueger content, here is my offering for anyone else who has been put in a stranglehold by the other Austrian war criminal of the COD fandom-- if I had a nickel...

This is my first fanfic I've publicly posted online and my first truly sort-of completed one (may eventually write another part-- *eventually*), also posted it to my ao3: grizz_ly.

Reader is gender-neutral.

Word Count: 3,484

Content Warning: Yandere-ish behavior, attempted murder/drowning of reader, successful drowning/murder of other people, descriptions of drowning

────────────

“Do not venture close to the water,” you were incessantly warned upon first arriving, “Do not speak to it, and do not let it take you.”

When you tried to ask questions the townsfolk would shush you– it was taboo to speak about the lake or what it was.

When prying anyway, you would get hushed pity directed toward those with sons and daughters who had been ripped from their loved ones; they would stray too far away from the safety of beaten trails and end up swallowed by the lake, spit back out onto the shore with blue-tinged skin and clouded, vacant eyes– now forever young.

In the back of the local inn, when the locals had one too many, you’d hear the speculative whispers of it…

“... vengeance from a displeased water spirit?”

“... perhaps a curse from the devil himself… a punishment for our sin.”

“... they simply drank too much and believed themselves to be stronger swimmers than they were.”

As the discussions grew louder and slurred they would be scolded into silence, lest they invoke the lake’s wrath or fuel baseless superstition.

Whether one considered the tales of malevolent beings superstition or fact, one thing was certain– no one ventures to the lake. It was not worth the risk. Even the harshest skeptic carefully planned their routes away from the lake.

You too took great care to avoid the lake when you finally departed the village. Stepping onto the beaten grass of the worn path you began your several-day walk to the next point along your journey. As you passed by where the lake would be according to your map you heard the muffled sounds of… music?

You had heard many things out in the forest: birds chirping, the rustling of the brush as you stepped past, the gentle purrs of a rushing stream– but you had not heard music. You had never heard music this enchanting in fact.

You could not help yourself as you stepped off of the path into the tall grass that swayed in the breeze, and now with your movement. Your feet seemed to move on their own. You just wanted to… get a better listen to the music. As you ventured further away from the path you justified it with the notion that you would simply avoid getting too close to its edge. Just a look and listen wouldn’t hurt. How could it? It couldn’t.

The ground underfoot grew soft as you maneuvered between trees and the tall grass transitioned to a lush moss. You soon found yourself on a raised ledge overlooking the water– though not too far up, the drop is only around half of your height.

You can’t see the bottom of the lake; its visibility is done no favors by the tangles of weeds concealing the bed and lilies dotting the surface. The lake dazzles with the sun’s rays, though the overlook is dim due to the cover from the trees, which also allows for a comfortable chill to permeate the air.

Despite its serenity, it was… underwhelming.

You had expected something. With how dangerous the lake had been described– as a vicious, indiscriminate killer of the young– it was almost too calm, too peaceful, too… normal.

“Hallo,” a voice called out from a nearby rock peeking out of the water, it caused you to snap your head towards the source.

You size up the man. The first thing you notice is the net covering his face with foliage and other flora tucked into it, his attire besides that being plain garb and a cloak carelessly draped into the water, thus wetting the hem. The second thing you noticed was the instrument, a violin– likely the source of the music you heard.

As the silence dragged on it was broken by the sounds of a few strings of the violin being plucked as the man fiddles with it, “Ach… do not tell me you are too scared to speak? Schade…”

The stillness of the lake is emphasized by the quietness of this moment– why is it so quiet? No chirping birds, no rustling animals, no splashing fish… the only other noise besides your breathing is him slowly tuning his instrument.

“Hm…” you can see his veil shift as he seems to tilt his head, “That bad?”

“What do you mean?” You say slowly.

“What the townsfolk must have said to you…” he chuckles, “I must admit… I thought you’d run off by now, it’s been too long since anyone has spoken with me… the– the verdammt villagers blame me and paint me as a monster, but you– you don’t seem as… quick to assume, yes? Innocent until proven guilty, ja?”

You suppress a flinch at the momentary vitriol in his voice when talking about the townspeople, “I–”

“Please just… stay here with me for a moment and… speak to me? Bitte?” You can hear the hope in his pleading.

“... Alright.” You say with a hesitant nod.

“Thank you,” he says as he focuses back on his violin, after a beat he speaks again with a laugh, “You know… I asked if you could speak with me. I’m sure you have questions, so, ask them– just an idea. Just an idea.”

“Sorry, I–” you try to think of a question feeling suddenly pressured and struggling to find the right thing to ask. You settle on the most obvious, “What’s your name?”

“I go by many names… you can call me Krueger,” he says simply, “Yours?”

You give him your name and he simply hums in response. He is… not working with you here to help carry along the conversation to attempt to force you to speak more.

“...” you steel your nerves and force out your next question, “What are you?”

“Harmless–” Krueger laughs, “You treat me like I am going to bite your head off or drown you, relax some of that tension you’re carrying… I wouldn’t hurt a fly–” “You know what I mean,” you say hesitantly, “You’re not human. At least I don’t think you’re human.”

“Ach, I am offended,” he says shaking his head with a playful click of the tongue, “I am that awful? Not even a person… you hurt me so.”

“You… are you messing with me,” you ask.

“No… no, never, never,” Krueger says as he plucks the strings again before clicking his tongue, “Maybe– only a smidge…”

You then sit in the familiar lull of the conversation– you should get back to the trail, it’ll be a long walk and you start to feel like you’re wasting time.

“I should–” you begin but are quickly interrupted.

“Stay… stay?” Krueger says, “Yes, I agree. Aw… I’m sorry, am I getting to you, I don’t mean to… I just like to have a bit of fun… it’s in my nature…”

“I need to–” interrupted again.

“Is someone expecting you,” Krueger asks.

“...” You wonder if you should be honest, “No.”

Kruger huffs, “Then you do not need to leave. Sit, sit– just for a moment. It is peaceful here is it not? Take in the sights… it’s the journey that matters.”

You want to leave but at the same time… this… man? Creature? It doesn’t matter– Krueger does not seem like the monster you expected. What harm could humoring him do? Besides you feel intrigued by the strange man.

So you sit on a nearby log that is almost precariously close to the water, placing your packed belongings at your feet.

Kruger pauses, “You’re staying?”

“Should I g–”

“Bleib, geh nicht!” Krueger exclaims as he puts his arms out in a surrendering motion. He slowly relaxes, clearing his throat before he speaks again, “I mean– Of course, you would stay. Yes, yes. Of course”

You drum your fingers against the log as you watch Krueger. He climbs off of his rock and stands in the opaque water, keeping his violin held firmly on his shoulder.

“How deep is the water?” You ask.

“Not deep, no, not at all,” Krueger says, “Why? Would you like to join me?”

Not deep…

How could so many drown in shallow water? Your thoughts travel to your memories of the words of the townsfolk in the inn.

Krueger…

You feel your stomach sink as you reconsider your decision to stay. Krueger seems to sense your apprehension.

“Would you like to hear a song?” Krueger pleads, “It was my music that drew you here wasn’t it? I am quite the violinist, ja? I’m sure you’d love to hear the rest… surely…?”

You can’t deny that the music had drawn you here, and you did want to hear more.

You wave your hand, “Please, go ahead.”

Krueger adjusts his violin to rest against his shoulder, gently placing his chin on the rest. He moves his net off of the violin and then starts to play. His fingers move across the fingerboard, deftly weaving an intricate melody. The way he plays is hypnotizing. You rest your head on your closed fist as your expression goes from amused to moved. You don’t even notice him moving closer, too consumed by the music to pay attention to him slowly wading through the water towards you.

Before you realize it, he grabs at your bag, splashing away with something in his hand.

Your compass.

“Hey!” You say as you stand up, “You can’t just– give that back!”

Krueger slowly trudges back to the rock he had been sitting on, securing his violin on top before inspecting your compass.

“Ah, your compass is fine,” he announces as he inspects it, “I was just curious– since when was curiosity such a crime?”

You shake your head in disbelief, your features contorting into an anger-induced shock, “You can’t just– give that back. Now.”

He doesn’t seem to be listening to you instead muttering about the quality of the metal and craftsmanship of the compass.

“Are you– are you being serious!?” You yell, “Come back here!”

Krueger laughs slightly as he approaches the edge of the water again, “I apologize here…” As you reach for the compass he pulls his hand away, “-- It truly is a marvelous compass, where did you get it?” He seems so sincere and innocent– like he didn’t steal from you a moment ago.

“Krueger–”

“Oh, I do so love it when you say my name,” he says, “What is it?”

“You know exactly–”

“Ah, yes, your compass? Why do you need it? Wouldn’t you like to stay here a bit longer…” If you could see his face you are sure he’d be frowning.

“Krueger–!”

“Oh, you spoil me so…” Krueger sighs, “You can have it back…” You put out your hand, but then nearly boil over as he completes his sentence, “If you come get it from me.”

“Give it.” You say.

“Take it,” he retorts, “The water is fine… what harm will it do? It is a nice day.”

You feel a chill run up your spine, “No. I…”

Your body realizes the danger of this situation before you do. You feel the phantom sensation of movement, your legs begging you to leave your compass and run.

“Give me my compass,” you say, but the waver in your voice betrays your faux confidence.

Krueger is still for a moment before he motions with his hand for you to come closer, “Fine.”

You stomp over, teetering on the edge of the lake and nearly losing your balance as you crouch. You seethe with anger as you jut your hand out, “Now.”

Krueger hands it back, you lean forward to try to grab it sooner as he moves agonizingly slow. Suddenly he lunges at you. In a swift movement clamps his hand onto your presented wrist and tugs you harshly. As you lose your balance you topple into the water. Time slows as you fall towards the water.

The lake is deeper than you had imagined– or maybe it just feels deeper as you aren’t allowed to bring yourself back above the surface with Krueger keeping you under.

Despite being under the surface you can hear him laugh as if you were still out of the water.

“What? Can you not swim?” Krueger coos as he tries to ensnare you in his arms further, “Or did you just not get enough air? Ah, did I take your breath away perhaps? … Well if I didn’t I will…”

You flail about in the darkness, your movements sluggish as you try to move your limbs in the water. You try to grasp at anything to orient yourself. Your feet connect with the bottom of the lake as you kick.

“Stop,” Krueger growls as he strains to try to hold you down, “It is not so bad. Stop– stop fighting.”

Panic runs icy hot in your veins.

“I know… I know…” Krueger says as you thrash in his arms, twisting and turning wildly, “Come now… don’t struggle. Don't you want the last thing you feel to be love? Why must you fight me… I just… want to hold you. Tsk, that is not so bad…”

The water stings your eyes.

“Let me hold you. Deep breaths… deep breaths…” Krueger murmurs trying to lull you to just give in, “Let me take you away from it all… rest… rest now… you’re safe… I’m here…”

Your lungs burn as your chest spasms.

Krueger speaks to you in a hushed tone full of affection, “I can’t help it… when I see someone as beautiful as you, I want to hold you, squeeze you, and preserve your beauty forever… wouldn’t you like to be forever beautiful… forever young… forever loved… lass dich lieben.”

Your mind runs amok as you seem unable to form any coherent thoughts not consumed by fear or spoken by your survival instinct.

“This moment would be so beautiful if you– if you would just let it!” He can’t keep his annoyance from bubbling up at your continued resistance.

Your vision vignettes, the dark water growing impossibly black.

You want to let go. You want to stop fighting. You want to breathe… but you don’t want to die.

Your hands feel fabric and you pull, which elicits a yelp from Kreuger. Krueger stops trying to grasp you as you feel him move back in the water allowing you to resurface.

Your head pops back up above the water and you gulp air as you greedily fill your lungs. Your head reels and your eyes pound in your skull. Your heart hammers in your chest as you splash away, almost losing your balance several times as your feet slip against the slimy rocks lining the lake bed. You crash into the jagged face of the overlook you had been standing on, digging your back against it as you breathe through your bared teeth. You try to scramble up but it’s too slick to get a good grasp on any of the rocks, and the foliage just slides through your fingers.

You reach up to grab a dagger from your pack, brandishing it at Kreuger who is casually readjusting his veil. He is in no rush to get back to you. Instead, he allows you to tire yourself out as you fruitlessly try to drag yourself from the lake, scuffing up your hands and back in the process.

“If you wanted to see me without the veil you could have asked,” Krueger says, “I would have said no, but it’s the thought that counts.”

“You–” You say through harsh breaths, “You– Why?!”

“It’s not personal… you humans always take everything so personally,” Krueger tuts, “You put up quite the fight… impressive, almost.”

“You’re a monster–” “I am not… well, perhaps I am a monster, but not like that… I am a monster with feelings… that you just hurt.” Krueger tries to trudge towards you but stops as you wave your dagger around, reminding him of what the consequences would be if he got too close, “Do you even care that you hurt them? Ach… who is the real monster. Hm?”

“You!” You scoff, “You are the monster!”

“I am not a monster…” Krueger takes a deep breath, “I am simply… following the natural order of things. I am innocent in all of this.”

“Innocent?!” You exclaim, “Innocent?!”

“Yes, yes, that is what I said I am glad you are listening,” Krueger says, “I am innocent. As are you–”

“You are–” You let out a frustrated yell as you try to clamber out of the water again to no avail.

“I’m what?” Krueger just watches you, amused by your behavior, “I know what you are… a fighter, ja? It’d be so much easier if you accepted this…”

You start to swear at Krueger, cursing him out. You internally curse yourself for having gotten into this situation.

“You’re a murderer,” you say, “How many people–” You can’t even choke out the words through your disgust, “How many?”

“I am no murderer,” he scoffs, “I am simply doing what I am meant to do. I am innocent here, merely a victim of the natural order of things. Murderers kill unlawfully, none of what I do is unlawful as it is according to nature’s laws. I am not a murderer by definition.”

You stare at him with wide eyes and brows knitted in repulsed disbelief, your anger momentarily put on pause, “There is no way you’re being serious.”

“I know what you are thinking,” Krueger’s veil moves as he shakes his head, “I do not want you to be hurt, and I won’t hurt you– I am not cruel, I am not a monster. It wouldn’t hurt… you are not thinking straight… you are just panicking… let me hold you…”

Krueger attempts to move towards you again, reigniting your fury.

“Stop– stop swinging that thing about, you are going to hurt someone.” You almost slash Krueger’s arm as he reaches out towards you causing him to snap at you, “Schluss jetzt!”

He tries to lunge again to grab you. You plunge your dagger into the soft flesh of his inner arm.

“Scheißkerl!” Krueger exclaims as he clutches his arm and stumbles back.

You take your chance and grab onto an exposed tree root, hauling yourself onto the overlook in your adrenaline-fueled haste.

“No!” Krueger growls as he grabs your ankle. You had not noticed his claws, but they were impossible to ignore as they dug into you, surely drawing blood, “No! You will not leave! Stay! Stay with me! Stay!”

You flip yourself onto your back and kick at him, your foot connecting with his head. It barely phases him, only making him more desperate. He climbs further out of the water grasping onto one of your thighs with his hand as he tries to use it as an anchoring point to pull himself up, or pull you down– he wasn’t picky.

“You will die out in that forest!” Krueger says, “I am offering you a peaceful death in my arms–! I am offering you mercy– You should be thanking me–! Do you forget you don’t even have your compass?!”

You grab the strap of your pack with your hands not caring to make sure your belongings are secured before you lift it– far too consumed with your need to survive by any means necessary. Your belongings could be replaced, but you could not. You swing the heavy bag at Kreuger’s head staggering him back and causing him to slide down into the water. You crawl back from the lake securing your pack over your shoulder as you begin to make distance. Krueger screams, all pretenses of civility dead.

“You– you!” Krueger says, “You verdammter Wachbirn!”

You jump to your feet and run from the lake, hoping that you can find your way back to the path– praying that you will make it to your next destination. I’ll be fine, you think, follow the path, simple enough.

You are too focused on escaping from your brush with death to listen to the impotent rage of Krueger. “I could get you if I wanted to! You just aren’t worth the effort– you ungrateful– Ach! When you are delirious from starvation I hope you remember how you denied my offer! How you chose to die alone, painfully,” Krueger calls out, “I hope the last thing you feel is regret!”

Krueger grumbles, his face twitching as he watches you slowly fade from view, obscured by the branches and brambles of the woods. He grips the dagger lodged in his arm and wrenches it out with a grunt, too consumed by anger to even fully take in the pain.

“You left your dagger!” Kruger cries but receives no response.

He turns and throws the dagger as far as he can into the lake with a loud bark of frustration.

He slinks back into the water as he takes in the solitude that has been his only lasting companion, “They’ll be back… they always come back…”

────────────

Translations:

Hallo = Hello Ja = Yes Schade = A pity Verdammt = Damned Bitte = Please Bleib, geh nicht = Stay, don't go Lass dich lieben = Let yourself be loved Scheißkerl = Son of a bitch/Bastard Verdammter Wachbirn = Damned/Fucking Idiot (Austrian term for idiot)

#Krueger x Reader #Call of Duty #Sebastian Krueger x Reader #Nix!Krueger #Fantasy AU #possible ooc #but can you write most COD characters completely in character #in what character?#still love them though #TW: Drowning #TW: Attempted Murder #yandere #-ish

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belle-of-a-time · 8 months ago

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An executive dysfunctionists guide to tricking your body into getting restful sleep:

Turning slow tigers into fast tigers

Old tumblr trick for insomnia/anxiety. Clench your whole body really tight for like 10 seconds to a minute and then relax. Tricks your body into thinking the tigers are gone

Wet box sleeping beauty

This is my personal favorite but it takes some spoons so it’s not always the best

Start at like dinner time: eat food that is safe and happy and valuable, no bird snacks, no snake meals, no girl dinner, eat some high value safe food.

Either change your bedsheets or if you don’t have enough spoons for that lay a spare sheet over your stuff and just change your pillowcases

Fill the tub and take a bath or take a shower if you don’t have a tub

For a shower, make sure you can reach the controls while sitting down, and spend the last rinse of your shower on the floor or in a shower chair if you have one. Try to really connect with your body if you can. When you’re done turn off the shower and let yourself feel how heavy your bones are for a minute. Then get up get ready for bed and beeline don’t rush but try not to get sidetracked, climb in, set your alarm (if you need one), and relax.

For a bath, take your bath like normal until you unplug the tub. Right after you unplug the tub lay back and get comfortable. Make sure your whole back is on the bottom of the tub and don’t move until the water is all gone. And just sit for a minute in touch with your body and the weight of gravity. Then same thing, get ready for bed and beeline to your bed.

A clean bed and a clean body will do wonders for this method and your mental health

Bedtime clock

This one is more about once you’re already in bed

Have an alarm clock that shuts off at a certain time. Mine goes off at 10pm and die come back on until 6am.

If you can’t see what time it is you can’t be anxious about all the sleep you’re missing

If you can’t sleep and it’s distressing you, get up and get a glass of water or go to the bathroom and brush your hair or something. Just get up do an activity and then go lay down again.

MythBusters proved that you don’t even actually have to sleep to rest. Just lay down and close your eyes in a quiet dark room and you’ll be way better off than having not rested at all, it’s not a permanent solution but it’s definitely better for you than nothing.

Soothing noises

Rain sounds and white noise etc etc

I personally HATE looped sounds if I can hear where it loops I’ll start counting seconds between each loop so a lot of white noise doesn’t work for me

There are full YouTube channels dedicated to recorded monsoons. My personal favorite is TexasHighDef shout out for real, gets me through every single uncomfortable/loud/new sleeping environment

I fully cannot sleep without my rain sounds anymore so this one is Kind of a double edged sword.

Putting away the evil box

People harp on this one all the time but it works.

Set your alarm for the morning (if you use your phone) and set an alarm for at least half an hour before when you want bedtime to be.

When the bedtime alarm goes off, Turn Off Your Phone. Plug it in do all the things you need to do to get ready for bed and pull out an activity that has no screen. And just hang out until bedtime.

Put away your evil little box and once it’s away don’t pull out a different evil box. If you have a kindle or tablet and you want to read make sure it has a paper white setting. Meaning it’s not glowing.

Try to avoid activities that will suck you in so for me no reading and no starting a new project. I have a blanket that I’ve been working on for over a year now because I usually only get about a row done before I put it down to go to bed.

Bedtime calculator?

I’ve never personally used one but it’s a thing that can Calculate REM cycles and tells you “if you need to wake up at X time then you should aim to go asleep at A,B,C, or D times”

There’s a very old post on tumblr about it that I can’t find and I also can’t find the website so idk but people in the notes of that post were very pro calculator if someone has a link to that feel free to add it.

That’s everything I’ve got, feel free to add anything you think of.

#executive dysfunction #adhd #actually adhd #sleeping #tips and advice

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sloggervlogger · 1 month ago

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youtube

Baby Gorilla's Chest Beat Marathon at La Vallée des Singes by SloggerVlogger *Basoko the gorilla showcases chest beats and claps, signalling food or interaction. Ivindo claps like her mother Hakuna Matata.* Chest beats and Claps in this compilation. Basoko the youngest gorilla of the La Vallée des Singes loves beating his chest. Sitting down beating his chest, standing up, stomping and beating his chest. Vigorously beating his chest towards his dad. It's like his way of saying "I want some food", but he ignores his pleas. Ivindo just like her mum Hakuna Matata loves clapping for her food. When Basoko is by the door, he has another big chest beat before he crosses the bridge. Back down at the bottom, some more chest beats is everybody is waiting for their food. I would have loved for you to hear all the chest beats, but sadly it was just too noisy with most of them. Where you could hear Basoko, I left the sound as it was. The other sound was taken from the opposite side of the habitat as it was quiet there. Filmed in Feb 2024 Don't miss a thing—hit Subscribe and Turn on all Notifications to be part of our Great Ape escapades every week. 🦍Check out rawshutterbug Redbubble for a variety of T-shirts, stickers, apparel, homeware, and much more: 🛍️ https://rb-ambassador.pxf.io/Gorillas #AD #redbubbleambassador 🦍Express yourself with customisable T-shirts, stickers, apparel, homeware, and more from rawshutterbug Zazzle: https://www.zazzle.com/collections/gorilla_gallery-119832843969795462?rf=238978496872225031 🦍Amazon USA 🇺🇲 Store: https://www.amazon.com/shop/sloggervlogger #Ad #AmazonAssociate 🦍 Amazon UK 🇬🇧 Store: https://amzn.to/47mDmbA 🌐My website: https://msvrvisual.weebly.com/sloggervlogger.html Some of the links above and in the video are affiliate links! When you make a purchase, I earn a commission without any extra cost to you. Your support means the world to me – thanks for dropping by and watching and commenting. 🚀 Dive into our Membership Community today to unlock exclusive perks at incredible value! Enjoy access to special badges, early video releases, members-only content, and custom emojis. We've kept the fee as low as £0.99 available worldwide in your currency. 🙏🏻Think of it as leaving a small tip for the videos you enjoy and experience the benefits first hand. Plus, you're free to cancel anytime with no hassle! Your support means the world. 🔗 Join Membership https://youtube.com/@SloggerVlogger/join 📸Dive into our exclusive Members' Videos playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=UUMOsrZBBRAQJwVkpaMddhp9DA Due to background noise from human activity, the original audio has been mixed with natural bird songs for a more peaceful viewing experience. Where possible, I will keep the natural sound intact. Don't miss a thing—hit Subscribe and Turn on all Notifications to be part of our Great Ape Ventures every week. via YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ck89LAwevGA

#IFTTT #YouTube #great apes #gorillas #animals #Youtube

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undermine-the-instinct · 2 years ago

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Oof, to add on to the relunctant AbsentDad!Touya, courtesy of @willowser....

Hell breaks loose the day your daughter calls Shouto otō.

You can't really play it off. Shouto and Otō both rhyme, but your daughter is very articulate for her age, only two, nearly three, and she said it with perfect clarity.

It's one of those family dinners that the Todoroki's have once a month. Fuyumi does most of the cooking, but everyone is obligated to bring a dish.

And you don't have the last name, but they all welcome you so readily, and your daughter loves them all. She loves her uncle Natsuo, who picks her up and throws her up in the air. Her aunt fuyumi, who cooks good food and always gives hugs. Sweet and calm baba rei, with her cool hands. And even jiji enji, who sometimes picks her up, so tiny in his giant hands. You always watch them carefully.

But her favorite is Shouto. He learned how to make little ice orbs for when she was teething. He lets her 'braid' his hair. Rattle the little canisters on his hero suit. Heats up her food when she lets it go cold.

Shouto was trying to feed your baby in her high chair, that she's getting too big for, while she kept shaking her head and turning away. No trains, or airplanes, or birds or dragons would make her open up. Finally she yelled,

"No, otō!!"

And the room fell silent. Your daughter, oblivious, just kicks her feet and leans farther away from the spoon. You have frozen, passing a platter onto Natsuo.

No one moves. Your daughter continues to kick her feet.

"...Oji. You mean Oji, right baby?" She looks at you, confused. She points to Enji.

"No! Jiji is jiji. Otō is Otō!"

"Shouto is Oji. Oji. Natsuo is Oji too, okay?" She still looks confused, and you repeat yourself. She nods.

She opens her mouth to say something but Shouto attacks, putting the spoon in her mouth, gently of course. And she knows better than to spit food out, so she swallows, albeit with a disgusted look on her face.

"See? It wasn't that hard, right?" She pinches her face and nods.

"I'm sorry. But if you eat all your food, I'll make you those ice lamas you like to munch on." Shouto smiles, imperceptibly, when she nods eagerly this time, and he continues to feed her.

________

The tension stays, but the night goes on without a fuss. You feel an absence, like the cool imprint of air after someone moves out of your space. Your stomach rolls, appetite gone.

The next morning, you hear on the news that seven people have been burnt to cinders. The estimated amount is only seven, because only teeth were what was left in the ashes. Pro heroes most definitely, or some politician whose scandal will be thrown to the light soon.

You swallow against the dry patch in your throat. You turn off the tv, glad your daughter is still sleeping.

He doesn't try to hide what he did, and the next time you see him its a video, uploaded to YouTube, prancing and shouting more than laughing. He's got more burns now. He's laughing so hard the staples on his face are falling off, tearing him open. His burnt eye patch things are bleeding. Something aches inside you.

________

You don't know why you save the video. It's taken down two hours later.

Every month you find a check, some large sum of money, inside your apartment. Always somewhere obvious-on the counter, atop the fridge, on your desk or your pillow, today. The amount has been increasing lately. You see him more in the news now.

Ever since you moved to a new, nicer neighborhood there have been no footsteps creaking in the night, no doors wincing as they were let open. No figures looming in the shadows a street, a block away, watching over you, though you know he still does. Just too far, too hurt and too busy to do it in person. Maybe that's a good thing. You think his hands would ignite, if he saw what you do right now.

Fuyumi being in your apartment and helping out is okay, but not Shouto. Shouto shouldn't be in your apartment too, much less cradling your baby, half asleep in his arms.

Its only been a couple of days since the dinner incident. More bodies have been found, properties destroyed. You all know who did it. Its an unspoken knowledge. And the death toll only keeps rising, somehow, everytime your daughter slips and calls Shouto, otō. They haven't made the connection yet. You have.

She likes Shouto because he's warm, she says. And cool. Everyone else is cold and nice, and you don't really see jiji much, nor do you want to, so Shouto is her favorite. You think she would've loved Touya. He was always warm.

Is, is. Sometimes you have to remind yourself he's alive, somewhere.

Shouto is just happy to be of service, he says. He's not good with kids. He just wants to be a good oji-san to his little niece. Just wants to make sure she's healthy, happy. It's sweet. You know his intentions are pure when he smiles down at her. Your stomach twists, anxious, anyways. You are waiting for something.

You don't wait long. For the first time in years, you get a phone call. Unknown caller. You pick up.

He doesn't say anything for a while. He just breathes, and he sounds bad. There's a rasp, a delay-like he has to drag each breath in and out his chest. Still, he speaks first.

"...That's my baby." You sigh, and that only fans the flames.

"That's my baby. Mine. Not fucking his."

"Of course, I know."

"Than why the fuck is she calling him that? Huh? Why the fuck is she calling someone else dad?"

"Because kids aren't dumb. They see things. They ask questions. They try to fill in the blanks any way they know how. That's why Touya." It's the first time you said his name, to him at least, in years. It doesn't feel like it.

"I corrected her. It's not even a habit. I'm working on it." He scoffs, mumbles the words back to you, but you hear what he doesn't say.

You search for the words, but you seem to have said it all in your last talk. You are standing, unsure and wary, and it's like a liminal space. Time doesn't exist here. Like you could reach out and pluck your last moments together out of thin air, inspect them in the moonlight.

"It was just Father's day, and people, stupid people were asking questions. No one came, except me, and she was sad." You explain.

"She's just…trying to make sense of things. I'll sort it out. Shouto is her favorite anyway so that's why she called him that." He snorts, and you imagine fire came with it, like a dragon.

"...Yeah. Shouto seems to be everyone's favorite." There, the root of it all. Your voice is small, but you take a chance. You still want to comfort him, after all these years.

"Not my favorite."

He pauses, scoffs.

"Really? Because he seems to come over to your place a lot. Helping with the chores, I guess?"

"Touya."

"Picking the baby up from daycare? Taking her to the parks and shit? Helping you pick out clothes and little booties? The fuck?" He's really been watching, keeping an eye on you two, his girls. You think a few years ago you would have been flattered. You're just tired now.

"You know Natsuo does the same thing."

"My baby doesn't call fucking him otō, does she?" He laughs, just like in the video.

"Doesn't he offer you breaks, from the baby? Go relax, or, you deserve this, you work hard enough. I'll pay for whatever, or, let me treat you."

"You know he's dense. He doesn't know what he's insinuating."

He laughs again, hoarse. You wonder where he is.

"He's a man now, of course he does. And you do too. Didn't think I was so replaceable." You go silent, angry, and he takes that as his sign.

"Do you like him? Is he pretty enough for you? Rich enough? Is he everything you've ever dreamed of and more?"

"Touya."

"What, got something to say? I don't want your apologies."

"I don't need to apologize because I've done nothing wrong." He starts to say something but you cut him off, fuming.

"Why are you calling Touya? Why? You don't get to say shit after all these years. You chose not to be a part of this."

"But that's still my fucking baby!"

"You've never even held her! You're never there, you don't want to be there!"

"Don't fucking say that, you know why I cant--"

"Does it matter why? You're still not here."

"So you found someone who is? Perfect fucking Shouto, huh?"

"Touya!" You throw your hand up. You should have never answered the phone.

"The perfect fucking prince, am I right? Are you fucking him, huh? Does he make you say his name when he fucks you? Do you cry when he makes you ride him?"

"Touya!"

"Tell me! Don't be shy now. You got a new man, let me hear about it! Does he rock the baby to sleep and sing her lullabies? Does he make it snow for her when she asks? Does he kiss you both when he leaves for work? The baby already calls him otō. Are you gonna give him a baby too?"

"Touya!" You say his name. You don't know when you've started crying.

"Touya. She's sleeping right now." You don't see or hear it, but you feel the anger leave him. Like smoking hands, going limp as you cry.

"We have a baby. We have a baby girl, and she's right next door." He curses when your breath hitches.

"...fuck, I know. I know."

"You can't yell at me. She's sleeping right now."

"I know, I'm sorry baby, I'm sorry."

"She won't go back to sleep if she wakes up now."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry baby. Fuck. I'm so fucking sorry." You think he'd cry if he could. His breath is ragged enough as is.

The line on both ends is quiet, as you try to calm down. Touya just listens to you,your sniffles and aborted sobs. He sighs. He sounds tired too.

"Just, go to sleep. I'm sorry I called, fuck. Just, go to sleep. Give our baby a kiss for me." And he hangs up, before you can say anything. You hang onto the phone.

Then you leave, to go kiss your baby.

You stay in that room, that spot for a moment more, lost in time.

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