#you ignore the things you don’t like about them as much as you possibly can
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Two Good Reasons, Part 12
Summary: Scott finally calls
Pairings: Andy Barber X Reader
Rating: mature
Warnings: language, Scott Huffman, drinking, 18+ ONLY
Word Count: 8.4K
Previous
Series Masterlist
*dividers created by @firefly-graphics
“Me pee. Me pee. Me pee,” Suede jumps up from the couch where he had been taking a nap. Ignoring how Andy is chuckling at the little boy sprinting towards the bathroom. Struggling to make it to the bathroom in time.
“Did you make it, buddy?” Andy keeps his laughter light, so his son doesn’t hear him.
“Chess. Me ake it, daddy. More bett-or,” more better always meaning he feels better. Andy returns to his laptop. Getting ahead of next week when he hears the little boy start to walk out of the bathroom.
“Hands, Suede.”
“Ugh,” the dramatic side has to be from Scott. Unless you were a drama queen when you were younger, and he does not think that is even possible. “Me hands cean!”
“No, they’re not. You touched your penis,” you were a bit unsure about the kids knowing the correct terms of their body parts, until Andy explained that there isn’t anything wrong with it, and then there would be no doubt if they need to tell you something.
“Ugh, otay! Me ash me hands,” he stomps up on his stool, starting to play in the water more than wash his hands. His little annoyance is over. He jumps off his stool to dry his hands, and ‘monster walks’ towards your bedroom. Stomping and growling until he stops, and stares at the empty bed. “Daddy!”
“Suedey,” Andy says calmly as the cute little boy walks into the living room. Shrugging animatedly, “What is it?”
“Where my mama at? Daddy, where my mama at?”
“She is in the bed with Audrey taking a nap,” Suede turns to walk towards the stairs, until Andy clears his throat, and Suede turns to face the man that has become his father. “Do not go and wake them up.”
“Me wake!”
“I know you’re awake, but they are not,” Suede huffs before crossing his arms over his chest, and sits on the floor. “You don’t have to be like that. You’re acting all moody. They’ll wake up soon.”
“Me pay,” Suede huffs out, sticking his bottom lip out for emphasis that this is serious.
“You and I can play.”
“You work,” Andy closes his laptop, and sets it on the side table. Returning the biggest smile on the little boy’s face as he jumps up, and runs to get his living room toys. “We pay?”
“Yes, buddy. You and I can play.”
“Mama seep. Audi seep. Why?" His smile gets even larger when Andy sits on the floor with him, so he dumps LEGO bricks onto the coffee table.
“Audrey likes spending time with mama, and mama has what in her belly?”
“Two babieeess!”
“Yes, exactly. And growing babies is a lot of work. So I let mama sleep whenever she gets tired. Audrey thinks she’s going to feel the babies move first. I think that’s why she’s always with her,” Suede shrugs again, and starts stacking brick upon brick. The explanation was enough for him. The more important thing was his daddy was now playing with him.
Before Andy can even start to build, your phone lights up with a call. Andy gives it a bit of acknowledgment before silencing the ring. “Do you like staying at home with mama?” He still hadn’t returned to daycare. You just couldn’t do it, and Andy never pressured you to send him.
“Chess,” is his simple answer. And he scowls when your phone lights up from another call, and the same person. Andy silences it again, sighing when he tries to pay attention to Suede. “Who dat?”
“Someone calling to talk to your mama,” he says, regretfully having to silence it again. He finally gets a moment of rest, until a text comes through. He shouldn’t snoop, but this is from a man that you have called so much in the past couple months. A man you have begged to call his daughter. It’s not snooping, this is scanning the message before you.
’I wish you’d pick up so I can talk to you about seeing my daughter.’
It shouldn’t bother him that Scott didn’t mention Suede at all. He’d terminated all rights to the little boy, and Andy is well on his way to adopt him. Making Suede legally his. Just like you are now legally his wife. A ceremony can happen after the twins are born, but he didn’t want to take any chances with Scott trying something stupid for a bit more control.
Not that he doubted who the twins belonged to. But Andy doesn’t want you to have unnecessary stress. A stress free environment is what you need, and he’s going to do his damnedest to make sure that happens, and these phone calls, and the text should not be happening. Especially since Audrey has quit asking for her dad, for now.
Audrey has been resilient. Almost accepting that her father didn’t want to see her, and the announcement of you being pregnant helped. She always wanted to be with you. Always wanted to help you. She would even bring you things without asking. Watching your water bottle to make sure you stayed hydrated. Needless to say, becoming a big sister again is something she truly wanted.
Andy knows it’s just a distraction at the moment. He knows bedtime is the hardest, and she would ask him or sometimes you about her dad, and when he was going to call, or see her and Suede. She wanted to know when she could tell her dad about you having two more babies. She wanted to tell him what she got for Christmas, even quit asking what she thought he would get her. She is protecting herself by not bringing up Scott, but she is curious.
It’s the one thing Andy truly didn’t understand. The thought that Scott has the ability to get her every other Saturday, currently overnight stays were not allowed until he went through an anger management class. Scott’s ego had been bruised, and instead of being a man, he’d pretended that he didn’t have kids. You warned Andy it wouldn’t last. Once his mom started to ask about the kids, especially her little lawyer, he’d start playing the game again.
Game.
Too many things make Andy sick about Scott, but the way he treats his flesh and blood is the most abhorrent. Andy doesn’t want Audrey to be out of his sight. Wants her to be right here under this roof where he knows she’s safe. She deserved to be home and with people that she loved, and loved her equally back. Not used her as a reflection for his own ego. Scott loved her as long as she was making him look good. And ultimately he determined Suede never would.
Disgusting. There is no other word for a father who can be away from his children like him. Andy missed seeing his family on a daily basis, and it was only for a few hours while he worked. He couldn’t wait to come back home knowing all three of you were waiting on him. Soon it would be all five of you. The difference is Andy always wanted this life, and with you.
“Daddy, my yuv oo,” Suedey smiles up at Andy, scooting just a little bit closer to the man.
“I love you, too, Suedey. To the moon.”
“And yack!”
—
You brush back the baby hairs off your daughter’s forehead. Leaning forward to kiss on the top of her head. You let the sweet tear drift down your cheek as you sniffle. Since telling her you were pregnant, she didn’t want to leave your side. Sweetly demanded that you take naps in her bed with her. You don't care. You love these frozen moments with her. A reminder that she’s still so little and young.
Your sweet amazing little girl is growing up too fast. She may be tiny, but she is mighty. You couldn’t have asked for a better big sister to her brother, and soon more siblings. She is more kind and patient than you could have imagined. Protective and the most loving little human you’ve ever met.
If you could have had her with a different man you would have. Thankfully she has Andy to fill in that empty space her daddy has left. You wipe a tear off your cheeks as you just watch her sleep. She’s so beautiful. The baby that made you a mom, and you could not be more proud.
Here at her home she gets to be the bubbly princess of her dreams. Her imagination here has changed dramatically. Her stuttering has slowed down. And much to Andy’s surprise, she was drawing unicorns, fairies, and castles with his and your help.
“Mommy, your tears are getting me all wet,” you softly laugh as Audrey sits up in her princess bed. The cozy throw still covers the both of you as she stretches, and yawns, “Why are you crying anyways? Is it bad? Are you hurting? Did the babies kick!?” her voice goes higher at the last question. She wants to feel them kick so much.
“I’m just so happy that I’m your mommy,” Audrey gives you a sweet smile before leaning towards you, and hugging you, while snuggling into you. You inhale the soft smell of her sweet pea shampoo, and pull her on top of you.
“Mommy! Am I going to hurt the babies! Oh no!”
“Audrey, if you were going to hurt them, I wouldn’t have done this. Just give me a big ole hug,” she does. Burying herself deeper into your body. “What are we going to have for supper tonight?”
“Daddy said mush, but you said it was going to be chicken and rice with carrots and broccoli. So can we have that instead?” You love hearing her call Andy daddy. One day it just naturally turned into that. You knew it might not stick. That there was this part of her that needed to have a father in her life, and Andy fills that void. He’s always present, and always there for her and Suede. You know that his relationship with your baby boy is such a comfort to Audrey.
“Yes, my darling, we’ll have chicken and rice. Mmm,” you groan, sitting up and stretching. “Shall we go check on your brother and…”
“Daddy. Yes,” she interrupts you, and starts to crawl out of the bed. “You can call him that for me, you know?” It’s the first time that she ever told you that it was okay to acknowledge Andy as her daddy.
“You’re sure?” She nods her head. “You’re really sure?” Audrey giggles, nodding her head more. “You’re completely positive I can refer to Andy as your daddy?”
“Suede calls him that, and the twins will, too, so why can’t I?” You can’t argue with that logic. You didn’t care about Scott’s feelings anymore. May his balls smell and itch, and Taylor doesn’t want to have sex with him. “I think daddy suits him.”
“Me, too,” you answer with the utmost sincerity. Being a father is the sexiest you’ve ever seen Andy. “Come on. I think you and Suede need to play in the living room, while daddy and I get dinner going. And I’m cooking this all in the oven, so when it’s in there, we get to play with you, too.”
“Yes!” She screams, darting to the door. Her little feet pad to the stairs too quickly for Andy’s liking.
“Princess, don’t you run down those stairs,” you hear your now husband tell her, and her footsteps slow down. No screaming, and no condescending tone. Stretching again, you get her bed back in proper order before heading downstairs yourself. The quicker you get dinner in the oven, the quicker you get to spend time with your family.
Lazy Sundays are your absolute favorite. Until you’re met at the bottom of the steps by Andy. Instead of his warm smile, his brows are lifted, and the lines in his forehead seem deeper, “I just woke up. I don’t…”
“Scott called,” you gulp, looking to the living room to see Audrey and Suede happily playing with toys out in the open. They are happy. Audrey has dealt with the absence of her father. It hasn’t been easy, but is he wanting to talk to her, and then be absent again? If he’s coming into her life you want consistency. Him being gone almost broke her.
“Honey,” Andy says softly, pulling you in for a deep hug. He holds you so tight against him, rubbing your back as you let the tears of anger and frustration spill from your eyes. “Shh, let's go into the kitchen,” you nod, following him away from the joyous laughter, while you want to scream. Rage.
He lets the door to the kitchen close before issuing the softest kiss to your forehead. “Tell me what he said,” your voice is already flat and hoarse as he hands your phone to you. “He called six times before the text?”
“Well, five times, a text, and then a call again. With a voicemail. He won’t talk to you that way,” Andy’s voice is stern as he glares at your phone. If he could, he’d make Scott disappear forever.
“Scott is going to talk to me however he wants,” you answer nonchalantly. You’ve heard worse, and from him.
“He will not talk to you that way,” Andy repeats himself with a much more agitation in his tone. “I get that he has rights to his daughter,” Andy’s nose flares, and his hand resting on the counter top flexes. His knuckles go white as he tries to calm down. “But he will not talk to my wife that way. We can go about this calmly and like adults, or he can go back to supervised visits.”
“That won’t help anything. So he wants our daughter this weekend. I have to give him that access, and then he brings her back home to us at the end of the day?” Andy nods his head, his arm starting to relax. “Can we make him be consistent with this? Every other Saturday always. She just stopped calling Ransom in the middle of the night.”
“We can keep a record of his involvement. But there’s only so much we can do when it’s court mandated,” you roll your eyes, needing to busy yourself with preparing dinner. “Doe, I’m sorry.”
“And how do you think it’s going to go when he takes Audrey, and not Suede?” it’s the thing that had been bothering Andy the whole time he was waiting on you to wake. “She is even more attached to him than ever before. And what about Suede? I think he’s fully accepted you as his father, but he’ll be taking his sister away. And what if he realizes, that man didn’t want me. Ow!” You drop the knife onto the counter. This is why you shouldn’t cut vegetables when angry.
Andy is so fast to react. He’s by your side in a split second, pulling your hand to the sink, letting cold water run over your finger as he kisses your temple, and you can’t control your tears. “It’s not fair to either one of them. It’d be better off if he gave up rights to both of them. I know this is going to be a shitshow, and you’re — you’re telling me there’s n-n-n-nothing I can do?”
“Unfortunately,” his answer is so somber as he pulls out a drawer that holds a mini first aid kit. “You know I will fight like hell to get all of this resolved legally. And in time, he’ll grow bored of Audrey.”
“At Audrey’s expense,” grow bored of his daughter. How? She is amazing! She’s perfect and growing and changing so much. Scott would rather opt out of the minor hard things because of the inconvenience while also missing out all these small little moments of laughter and love that make it all worth it.
“I know. We have to be patient. If I could do anything, do you not think I would?” He kisses your bandage finger, and looks deep into your eyes. “There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you or our kids,” Andy emphasizes ‘our’, extending that word to Audrey as well. You’ve never doubted his love and protection towards both your children. You’ve witnessed it. “But we have got to follow the law. We could be held in contempt of court, and that won’t happen. So trust me on this. But I will tell you again, that man will not talk to my wife that way. And I will make it perfectly clear how he will not do that. I don’t want him calling your phone back to back, leaving angry voicemails, or even the texts. One phone call, one voicemail, or one text. And honey, you’ll have to pick up when he calls if you can, okay?”
“Yes, sir,” your face starts softening, and he pulls you in for a bruising kiss. Holding onto your belly as he swirls his hands over your little bump. No wonder you're growing at a faster rate than the previous pregnancies. You’ve got two beautiful babies in there. Beautiful babies that you and Andy created out of the most passionate and sweet love.
“Don’t be cheeky.”
“Yes, sir,” he swats your ass with his free hand before pushing you away from the cutting board. “Dinner!”
“You’re injured. Sit down and watch me or go play with the kids.”
“I do really like watching you,” he rolls his eyes as he smiles, washing his hands to take over dinner prep. “Andy, you know I trust you. This is just the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with, okay?”
“I know,” he responds as you gulp. How did you get so lucky to find this man twice? Two times in your life you got to love him, and he never doubted that you would find each other again. Waited on you because he knew you were the one. He’s better than any man you could have imagined for yourself, but especially for your children.
“Mommy?” Audrey watches you flitter about, packing her a backpack, and you are too cowardly to even tell her why. Choosing to ignore the question in her voice when you slip her iPad mini into her bag. “Mommy, where we going?”
You aren’t sure. Just with her dad. He could take her to his apartment. He could take her to soft play. Maybe to the park. “Is Suede going?” you shake your head no, still unable to fully look at her.
“So is it with Uncle Ann?” Her voice gets so light and excited as she runs to her closet. “He said he was going to take me and to see a movie with Miss Tatum. Can I wear a pretty dress? Make sure to pack my Madeline doll he got me, and a blanket. It gets cold in the theater. Are you and daddy taking Suede somewhere? Uncle Ann said a movie might be too long for him, but he’d take us to soft play with Miss Tatum. I can’t wait.”
“Baby, you’re not going with Uncle Ann.”
“So is this a me and you day?” You shake your head no again, sitting on her princess bed as you rub along the swell of your belly. “I don’t understand.”
“Audi, your dad is going to spend the day with you,” she stares at you a bit confused at the statement.
“But why can’t you and Suede go with us?” The lines of course will be blurred as to who you are referring to. She hadn’t so much as heard from Scott in months, much less seen him. “Mommy?”
“Not your Andy daddy.”
“Oh,” she sits down immediately on the floor as her brows pitch up. Trying to work through her feelings while you just watch her. Giving her some space to figure this out, “But why — why not Suede, too?”
“Umm, your father,” it’s best to differentiate by using that word. Daddy is too sweet of a title for him. A title he never deserved, “He — well, he is going to allow Andy to adopt him.”
“Can Andy adopt me?” There’s a soft smile that tugs at her lip that makes you hurt. You would prefer that Andy adopt Audrey as well.
“No, it’s not that simple.”
“Then how come he gets to adopt Suede?”
“Because your father felt it was in his best interest to not be Suede’s dad,” Andy says in the doorway. You’re thankful that he didn’t leave you to drown on this.
“But I want you to adopt me like Suede. That’s not fair,” her arms cross over her chest and she pouts. “Y-y-y-you said that we do things as a family. And adopting him, and not me, is not being a family. That means I don’t match.”
“What do you mean not match?” You try to keep your tears inside of you. She isn’t wrong, this isn’t fair. It’s confusing. Especially to a child that is intelligent and can piece this puzzle together. Knowing your child she will fixate on this conversation. She’ll come up with a scenario on what’s wrong with her, or what’s wrong with Suede. But the reality is her father is what’s wrong.
“Well, if daddy adopts Suede what will his last name be?”
“Barber,” Andy says stoically. He walks over to Audrey, and kneels down before her.
“And the twins, what is their last name?”
“Barber,” you already know where her brain is going, and it pains you. Scott is beyond selfish, especially where Audrey is concerned.
“And you — your name is already Barber now. So I’m the only Huffman. That is not fair. That is not doing things as a family. And if I go to his house how will I know that Suede is breathing? Y-y-y-you can’t watch him all the time. Where is Suede now? Who is checking on his breathing? I-I-I-I can’t trust you to make sure he doesn’t have an allergic reaction. That that that that is my job as the big sister. And and and and and and,” her cheeks turn ruddy as she tries to catch her breath. The stutter you thought was gone now returning with one mention of her father, and her stress.
Scott deserves to hear these words. He should know the anxiety that he has caused his daughter concerning her brother’s breathing. A worry that she shouldn’t have as a five-year-old.
“Audi, princess, I need you to breathe for daddy, okay?”
“Am I allowed to still call you daddy?”
“I told you, you get to call me whatever it is you want.”
“But my last name isn’t Barber. I don’t like this. I don’t want to go to his house. I want to stay with you. He he he he he didn’t tell me Merry Christmas. He didn’t didn’t didn’t didn’t make sure Suede was okay. And he doesn’t doesn’t doesn’t doesn’t ever tell me he loves me. He never never never never does,” you look towards Andy, begging him without words to not make her go. He never says he loves her. He could not tell you when you were married, but she’s a baby.
“And if if if I’m not here I can’t can’t feel my twins move first. And — it’s not fair! I hate you and I hate him!” Screaming she stands up, and pulls the bag out of your hand, throwing it across the room. “I don’t want to go! Do you not want me?”
“Baby, I want you for always,” you tell her. Struggling to talk yourself. You hate Scott. Hate the emotional turmoil that he has always put your daughter in. “But Scott has a right to see you.”
“Then he should have. But he didn’t. Not even at Christmas. Don’t make me go. No! Mommy is that him? I don’t want to go! Don’t make me,” The doorbell rings, and you watch Suede dart past her bedroom door, followed by Andy who scoops him up before he gets to the stairs. “No no no no, mommy, don’t make me go. What if I miss something here?” Tears trail down her face, and you pull her into your body. Wishing you could change this. A few hours seemed so long. Too long to be away from her family.
“We won’t do anything without you here. We’ll be waiting on you until Scott brings you back later.”
“I don’t have to sleep there?” in a perfect world she wouldn’t even have to go there.
“No, baby. Your father has homework to do before he can keep you overnight. It’s just for a few hours. Okay?”
She nods her head, and pulls away from your embrace, “I don’t hate you.”
“I know you don’t, baby. Come on. Let’s go see your father.”
She grabs onto your hand without a second thought. Holding you almost too tight while you pick up her bag, and walk towards the stairs. Parenting is always going to be hard, but this is a slow torture. It will only be six hours, and yet you feel like you’re going to be without her for an entire year. He’d missed so much, and didn’t even care. Your children were always a leverage to him. You wanted them, and he wanted them to hurt you.
“No!” Suede screams as he shakes his head at Andy. “No, daddy, no. No, ike that!” Andy’s grip on Suede gets tighter as he tries to comfort his son, instead of saying how he knew he didn’t like the man at the door.
“Scott, wanna come in?”
“No,” he answers shortly. Staring off into the distance because he can’t look at his biological son. Andy loathes him. The games he plays at the expense of his children are sick. It’s evil. They are his flesh and blood, and he can be so callous with them.
“Wow,” he says with no enthusiasm as you and Audrey walk into his view. “You sure didn't waste any time, I see. Shocking really. You weren’t supposed to be able to get pregnant. You sure…”
“Yes, the twins are mine. And it was all natural,” you’re not in the mood for a fucking pissing contest. Your first little love is distraught and has mixed emotions, and you were not in the mood for this. You just want to close the door on Scott, and pretend this didn’t happen.
“Audrey, let's go,” he’s so cold. No, ‘hey, I missed you. We’re going to have fun.’ Just let’s go because I lawfully deserve this.
“Do I have to?” She asks, looking up at you.
“Yes, you have to, unless you want your mom in jail. Now, let's go. I’ve got your Christmas presents.”
“Me yoys?” Suede asks, looking at Andy, and you see Scott rolls his eyes at him. Reacting with anger will only make this worse. Audrey needs you to be the strong one, the steady one, the one that she can rely on when her father fails her. “Daddy, me yoys, too?”
“Still can’t talk right,” he wants to piss you off. He wants to be hit. He is provoking both you and ANdy.
“He talks just fine,” Audrey furrows her brows, and steps away from him. “Say you’re sorry.”
“We gotta go. Get out of the house, and let’s get in the car.”
“No!” She stomps her foot, grimacing as she stares at him.
“You need to tell our daughter it’s time to go.”
“And you need to watch how you talk to my wife.”
“Wife?” Scott chuckles, and snaps his fingers at Audrey.
“I am not going with you. Say you’re sorry!”
“I don’t have time for these fucking games. Now get in the goddamn car.”
“Enough!” You scream to everyone in the room. The chaos of the conversation is making your heart race, and your emotions are at their limit. “Scott, you won’t come here disrespecting my home, and my family. That goes for Suede, Andy, and Audrey. She asked you to apologize to her brother.”
Scott hadn’t tried to set foot in the house, leading you to believe that he isn’t going to. He declined the invitation. If this is another one of his games to say he tried to get Audrey, but you refused, you’ll scream. It seems he came here just to start a fight so you would demand he couldn’t take her.
“Audrey is really confused and upset about how things have transpired. You haven’t returned any of her calls or her text messages since her birthday. So you will have to forgive her for her behavior. Everyone here is helping with Suede’s speech, and it’s improved. He speaks in sentences. So you constantly being rude about it doesn’t help. Now everyone, just breathe, and let's do this in a calm manner.”
“You can’t keep her from me.”
“I’m not trying to. I am making sure my daughter feels comfortable when she leaves, and she asked you to right one wrong.”
“I’m her father,” something he’ll never let you forget.
“Then act like it,” you warn him, and give a small squeeze to Audrey’s hand. “Apologize to her brother.”
“Sorry,” Scott gruffs out, and Suede is already playing with Andy’s beard to pay him any mind. “Audrey, let’s go.”
“And do not use foul language in front of her. She’s five, in case you forgot,” Scott only nods his head, holding his hand up for Audrey to take.
“Mommy?” His sorry was pathetic. But you can’t hold her from him. You won’t be the one that didn’t put effort in their relationship.
“I expect you to bring her back here by three o’clock,” Scott nods, wiggling his fingers towards Audrey. “And she has her iPad mini, and some toys. So if you need us, call us. We’ll be there in a second to get her early, or whatever.”
“Three?” You nod your head at Audrey, knowing she’s going to watch her iPad like a hawk now. “You promise to bring me back home?”
“Yes,” Scott answers, annoyed. Why he wanted kids is beyond you. Seeing how he easily can dismiss both of them is appalling.
“Mommy, daddy, Suedey, I love you.”
“Love you, princess,” Andy glares up at Scott as he gives Audrey a hug. A silent warning that he better behave. Scott’s aware of Andy’s influence and power. Andy gives her a chance to hug Suede before she’s reaching for you.
“If you need me, call me, baby.”
“She’s not a baby,” you ignore him. She will always be your baby. Forever will be your baby. And you’ll protect her however you have to. You hope this is the last visit Scott requests. You‘re sure his pride is hit so hard from this, and you pray it’s enough for him to just wipe his hands. Let him live his child free life that he seems to love.
“I will. I’ll call,” she sniffles, and pulls away from you. This is the hardest it’s ever been to let her go. Scott better show her more kindness than he has been. You won’t let him continue to get her. You’ll come up with something. You want her safe, and feel secure in her feelings. Hearing her stutter come back pains you. She is too young to have to deal with these big emotions. It’s too complicated, and she shouldn’t have to try and navigate them. You just hope this is a short visit. Less than the allotted six hours.
You’ll miss her every second she’s away with your phone glued to your hand. She would be okay. She would be okay. And you have to keep reminding yourself until it comes true. She will be okay.
“Has she called Ransom?” Andy hasn’t even got Ransom’s response before you nervously ask again. “Andy?” he looks up from his phone shaking his head. “I’m calling Scott again. He’s thirty minutes late. She is supposed to be Here at three. Andy, what do we do?”
“Audi at?” Suede pouts, stomping his foot. “My Audi at? Oo yie.”
“I did not lie, buddy. She was supposed to be here. Doe,” Andy’s thick fingers rub over his beard as he thinks. “Come on. We’re going to his house, and we’ll go get our girl.”
“Yay! Go to sissy!” Suede sprints towards the garage, and you grab his cup just in case. Ready to start pacing. Scott probably lost track of time. But him not answering his damn phone makes you uneasy. And Audrey hadn’t called anyone from her iPad. This isn’t like her. And something in your gut makes you queasy, and you don’t think it’s the twins.
“He can’t keep her from us. You have the upper hand here.”
“I don’t want to fight about my daughter though. I would be okay if he told me what was going on. But nothing. That, I don’t like,” the two of you walk into the garage, and you can’t help but smile at Suede already in his seat with his straps on, but not buckled. “Let’s go get our princess.”
—
“No! No no! No yike it hewe! No, daddy!”
“We’re not staying, buddy. We’re just getting Audrey,” Suede’s anxious face turns into a fake smile. If there’s one thing you would change about your life it would be leaving Scott before he got caught cheating. You tried to pacify him for too long. Let him get away with playing games with you, and also your children, all because you felt it was the right thing.
“I’ll go get her,” Andy says, leaning over to give you a kiss. You just want to know your daughter is safe, and had fun. You didn’t want to see Scott. Didn’t want to hear him. All you want is her safe with you. Andy could be the diplomatic one, while you’re acting all on emotions due to the pregnancy and the weird urgency you feel to have her in your arms.
He walks up the few steps to the house, a vastly different feeling than the first time he did this. He was supposed to be just bringing your wallet home. He gives the door a knock, and Scott slings it wide open swaying with the swift movement, “What?”
“You missed drop off time.”
“Yeah, well, I went to you to pick her up. Seems fair for you to come here,” he shrugs, doppily he rocks on his feet.
“You okay?”
“You know, Barber, I’m really not okay. My tramp of an ex wife blamed the divorce on me. And yet here she is, married to you, and you fucked a damn bastard in her belly,” Andy growls, glaring at the man. “I didn’t want another child after the fucking mistake of having a second one. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her, am I right?” He winks at Andy, and Andy’s anger towards Scott grows. The bastard lied. You weren’t the problem. He was. He got a fucking vasectomy and blamed you for not getting pregnant.
”But you know you ruined everything. I don’t even have someone to carry on my fucking name, and you, you son of a bitch do, and Suede’s not even your fucking mistake. If he wasn’t born, we’d still be together. She changed after him.”
“Audrey! Grab your things, princess, it’s time to go,” Andy wants his daughter, and wants out there. Scott always wants a fight. Low blows. The asshole.
“I’m not finished with you, you prick. I hope you always remember that my wife took me whenever I wanted her. She was a submissive little bitch.”
Andy pulls Scott closer to him by his shirt, getting right into his ear, “You better watch your goddamn mouth when you're speaking about my family. Sober the fuck up. Next time you can’t contain your fucking drinking, call me, and I’ll pick up my daughter. Have I made myself clear?” Andy pushes him off him slightly, but it’s enough to have Scott stumbling backwards before he falls on his ass, and Audrey runs straight to Andy trembling.
Pushing herself tightly against her dad, and he picks her up, letting her wrap her arms around his neck, “Audi, you okay, princess?” He feels her shake her head no, and he continues glaring at Scott who tries to get his wits about him, but instead stumbles again as he tries to stand again. “Taylor here?”
“She left.”
“Slut! She’s such a fucking slut. Spreading her legs for…”
“Audrey, go out to the car, and tell mommy to call the cops, okay?” Her body continues to shake. She might not understand what’s going on with Scott, but she knows it isn’t right.
“Is he in trouble?”
“I just want to make sure someone can babysit him. He looks unwell.”
“He had a bottle with him.”
“Audrey,” he sits the little girl down, and she runs towards the car. As soon as she’s out of eyesight, Andy squats down to Scott, “You done fucked up, you little prick. You carried a bottle around, while you got yourself drunk and my daughter was here with you.”
“My daughter.”
“You’re not even man enough to tell her you’re unwell. All this shit piling up on you Scott, is your fault. Not my wife’s, and certainly not my kids. Drink yourself into oblivion, I don’t care. But not around her.”
“You can keep the stupid one. Oh,” Scott coughs when Andy kicks his side. Not enough to leave a bruise, but enough to get some instant gratification. It takes a very small man to make fun of a child, “He’s not right. He’s nothing but trouble. You’ll see. She’ll always love that kid more than you.”
“See the difference is I know that my kids need her in a different way than I need her. I know that she’ll tend to them because of that need for her. I’m an adult. I don’t need her to feed me, take care of me. I don’t need her. I want her. I cherish her. I worship the ground that she walks on. You had it all. You had the most perfect woman.”
“Pregnancy fucked her body up,” pregnancy made you more desireable to Andy. Your soft curves, the glow on your face, the way you loved being a mom. No wonder Scott went younger. You were the respectable wife, when all he wants is a sex toy with no attachments.
“I think that was you,” Scott’s eyes roll in the back of his head as the lights of a cop car come into view. Just another thing Andy has to deal with, instead of comforting his family. He’ll calmly give a statement. Having a legal document of Scott’s inebriation while in charge of Audrey. “Fuck you, Scott,” Andy groans as he turns to meet the officer. He needs to ease your mind that he’s okay. Let you see that you’re not hurt.
Scott Huffman will regret today. If anything happened to Audrey there would be hell to pay. Supervised visits will be pushed. Incidences like this will not happen again. Scott spiraled and spiraled until he turned to his main vice, alcohol. He’ll regret today. And every day after if he continues to talk about you or the children like that.
“What do you mean she won’t talk to us?” You demand, trying to walk up the stairs to Audrey. “Andy Barber, you let me go see my daughter. Andy! Move, please!”
“She’s asked for Ransom,” you roll your eyes, growling as you try to push past him. “Ransom was going on a date with Miss Tatum.”
“So then I need to see my child,” he’s really getting on your nerves trying to block you.
“And Ransom said that he didn’t mind if she came with them, so he’s on his way here.”
“But that’s my daughter. And she — what happened? What happened? And why did I need to call the police?” You waited for it to be just you and Andy. But you need to know.
“Mama, yook!” Suede holds up a tower of LEGO bricks he built, but you just want to talk with your daughter. You need to hold her, and just show her love and comfort.
“Doe, I think she wants Ransom because you are all emotional,” you huff, trying to skirt past him quickly, but he blocks you again. “I would rather her talk to us. She isn’t physically hurt. She’s upset, and asked for Ransom. Ran is the ADA, and he’ll know the right way to talk to her, and if there’s anything wrong he will call and bring her home. But can you give her this safe space with him?”
You don’t like it, even though Andy is right. She’s willing to talk with Ransom, and getting out of the house and with her teacher could be a good thing. “He’s getting her an hour before picking up Tatum. That way she won’t feel obligated to talk in front of her.”
“Why didn’t she call? She called none of us. Not even Suede. Can you at least tell me what’s going on?”
Andy’s Adam’s apple bobs as he looks from you to the floor. Contemplating if he wanted to tell you at all. It has to be bad, and your mind is going everywhere, and you’re unsure if it’s close. “He was very drunk.”
“Son of a bitch,” Andy pulls you in so tight to his body. Your anger instantly spurring tears. You want Scott to physically hurt as bad as he makes your daughter hurt emotionally. She had to have been so scared and confused. Scott is an angry drunk, and you never would want her to witness that.
“Mama, what ong? Daddy, mama cy?”
“Mama’s okay, buddy. Hey, can you go make me a dragon?” Suede shakes his head no, and pulls at your pants. “Make daddy a really big tower for us to knock down.”
“Chess!” He screams, running back into the family room.
“She wasn’t hurt?” Your voice is so weak. He’ll never see her again if you have anything to say about it. Now you understand the reason for the cops. Andy was documenting that Scott was drunk while Audrey was there. Bastard. The low son of a bitch bastard.
“She wasn’t physically hurt. I think it’s more to deal with her heart. The disappointment runs deep, and she didn’t even want to leave Suede.”
“But my baby,” her sperm donor sucked. You knew he sucked, but this is at an entirely different low than you were expecting. You know Scott drinks, and drank. But to be drunk for the few hours that he got her. And after months of being away. He chose then to subject her to drunken stupidity. And he was always such a sloppy mean drunk. “I hate him so much.”
“But our baby is okay. Let Ransom get her, I’ll put in her seat, and he can try and talk to her. He is her safe space because we’re too emotional. And…”
“Ransom buys her what she wants,” you laugh so weakly as you try and process everything. You knew something was wrong. “And maybe he can find out why she didn’t call. That’s not like Audrey.”
“Andy, you promise that not a hair on her head was hurt while she was there,” you ask as you pull your face off his chest. “I will…”
“Shh, no talking. Just know I had the same exact thoughts. Let’s go see our boy. There’s a baby monitor in Audrey’s room. Here,” you whisper a thanks to him as he pulls you away from the stairs. It isn’t the most ideal thing. But, it’ll do. You hope, pray, and beg that Ransom can find out exactly what happened. And so help you God if Scott drove in the car with her while drunk...
—
“Audi?” Audrey quickly looks out the window, leaving Ransom to only glance at her in the rear view mirror. She’d been fidgeting the moment she got in the car, but never said anything. “Audrey, you want to talk about what happened?”
“I would really like a dog,” Ransom glances back at her again and she’s looking directly at him. “I know mommy has two babies in her belly, but I would like a dog. A bigger one. One that can be my protector.”
“Do you feel you need protection?” Words are important. Kids say a lot even when they’re not saying the thing you think you’ll hear. Audrey mentioning a dog for protection says a lot.
“Suede isn’t allergic to dogs. I asked mommy again. I don’t want a mean dog, just one that loves me.”
“Audrey.”
“If you buy me a dog — I will talk,” of course she would mention something such as this, leaving Ransom unable to say no. She plays him more than Suede does. She knows just how wrapped he is.
“You want our date to be at the dog shelter?” Audrey smiles, but only briefly, and nods her head. “Audrey, you want to tell me what happened?”
“I don’t like him,” she answers, crossing her arms across her chest. “He’s mean to my mommy, and — Andy daddy. And he says mean things about Suede,” her brows furrow, showing so much more her age than her size. A little girl who has been through too much in too short of a time. “He was drinking from a square bottle. And Taylor and him started screaming at each other. She told him he was stupid, and he said that he never wanted…”
Audrey’s words stop abruptly, and her face scours up. “If I say it will you be mad?”
“No, baby, I won’t be mad at you for telling the truth.”
“He said he never wanted any fucking kids. He just wanted to make sure my mommy didn’t leave,” she wipes her cheeks off, while Ransom turns into a shopping center. Pulling the car over, and parking before he crawls in the back seat of the car, and letting her out of her seat. The tiny little girl crawls into his lap, wrapping her arms around him.
“What does that mean?”
“It means he doesn’t deserve you, and never deserved your mom.”
“He threw my iPad, and it’s broke, and I couldn’t call anyone,” her tears soak his neck, and he starts rocking her back and forth. Thinking of ways that he could end Scott, even if he has to hire someone. Prick of a man that wants to treat anyone ‘smaller’ than him like that. And his own daughter. Ransom would murder someone to protect your children.
“I hate him so much. He’s so mean. Don’t make me go back there ever again. I can’t. I don’t want to leave my brother, and what if Andy gets to feel the babies move first? I hate him so much.”
The need for her to have a protective dog makes so much sense. But it’s not even that, she needs someone to read her own moods. You have a fear that her anxiety is going to manifest into something stronger. Depression in children is far too common now. Her perfectionist nature already is starting to cause outbursts of frustration. And she’s five! With too much responsibility that her father bestowed upon her.
“Audrey, you know we all love you, princess. And your Andy daddy, mommy, and me, we are going to do everything in our power to make sure you are safe and loved, and with your mommy,” it is in everyone’s best interest that Audrey stay with you. Scott was the scum of the earth. Admitting that he didn’t want children, in front of his golden child…
The man had clearly spiraled after not getting his way. Even at work. His good fortune had run out. And either legally he would be kept from Audrey, or Ransom would have to deal with things his family’s way.
Audrey leans back, sniffling, but smiles up at Ransom. Appearing fine, and okay now, but he knows better. Audrey has a tendency to make sure others are okay, even at the expense of herself. “Can Miss Tatum help me pick out a dog?”
“Yes, princess. I think Miss Tatum would love to help look at the dogs. Are you hungry?” She shrugs, crawling out of his lap and into her seat. “We’ll get Tatum, and have us a small lunch, and head to the shelter, okay?”
“If I have a dog, does that mean I can’t go to — dad’s house?” She looks down at her lap, pulling on her straps, and buckling herself in. “I can’t leave the dog alone, and dad doesn’t like dogs.”
“Yeah, I think that’s possible,” it’s possible for Scott to have his balls ripped off his body.
“And you won’t tell mommy I said that word?”
“No, your secret is safe with me. Does he say that word a lot?”
“He says lots of words when he drinks out of the square bottle. He’s not nice. And I don’t like how mean he is to Suede and mommy. I think he hates daddy, too. He calls him — a, um…a goddamn prick.”
Scott keeps on ticking more and more reasons to hate him. No fear. He will be dealt with. And for Scott’s sake, he better hope the courts deal with him first. “Come on, let’s get Tatum, lunch, and a dog.”
“I want a girl. And she’s my dog, okay?”
“Yes, I think Suede is too little. And I think we need to go to the Apple Store,” Audrey smiles at Ransom as he makes his way to the front seat. “Now, I know that Suede has the mini, but he’s just so little. You’re really into drawing now?” She nods her head, and reaches over for the Madeleine doll she brought for the trip. Giving the little stuffed girl a hug. “I think we should get you something bigger, and a pencil. But this isn’t something for you to tease Suede with okay?”
“Uncle Ann?”
“Hmm?”
“I like that idea, but I don’t want something Suede can’t have. I’ll just take a mini, since I’m getting a dog,” the kindness this little girl has in her pinky is more than most have in the entire world. She is too soft, and deserved to stay that way.
“Okay, princess.”
“And maybe text daddy. He’ll let mommy know about the dog.”
“Good idea,” Andy could ease you into the idea. It isn’t a conversation you as a family haven’t had. You liked the idea of a dog. Your kids have so much space out here it just makes sense.
Next
Masterlist
Taglist: @tis-thedamn-season @marveloustaylortot @pono-pura-vida @peaches1958 @seitmai
@smile1318 @andydrysdalerogers @cjand10 @midnightramyeoncravings @kmc1989
@pandaxnienke @kmm-fluv @rogersbarber @theinheriteddutchess @buckybarnesisdaddy
@hisredheadedgoddess28 @capswife
#two good reasons#andy barber#andy barber x reader#andy barber x fem!reader#andy barber x female reader#andy barber x y/n#andy barber x you#andy barber smut#andy barber fanfic#andy barber fanfiction#andy barber fic#andy barber fics#chris evans#chris evans character#defending jacob
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Hi there!
I saw that you are/were friends with the creators of Stellar Remnants and as someone who knows one of them irl and has heard their non-stop yapping about your stuff I took it upon myself to ask what that little rat is too scared to ask!
What would the SEA Family’s reaction be to the relationships developed within Stellar Remnants?
Also, to give some relationship breakdowns that I actually do surprisingly have permission to share from CoastxlWater’s themself:
You don’t see much of the celestials in the main fic, but from my friend’s rambles about the what-ifs and oneshots series the Remnant Family do infact think about the celestials a good bit to where there are technically relationships
Eclipse hates moon basically, but a good chunk of that hate stems from fear and the knowledge of knowing Moon won’t give up. Since as we know, Eclipse was infact once Moon and so he knows how the bot would act.
Solar Flare would infact do the same thing it did to KC to Moon if it ever gets its claws on him, you don’t mess with Flare and especially not its father.
Bloodmoon wants to basically harass everyone in the celestial family. But due to Eclipse’s creative threats and tracker planted in them they haven’t tried anything yet, or atleast that is what Coastxl has told me about the upcoming prompts.
No one in the Remnants family hate Sun so to say, but no one exactly likes him. Eclipse and Bloodmoon with their distrust of the sunny animatronic and Solar Flare carries its own opinions on Sun.
Eclipse still cares about Lunar, and Bloodmoon does as well but neither would say they like Lunar, because they don’t. Surprisingly it’s Flare to have the major problem here, because from what Coastxl has told me Flare doesn’t appreciate the kids actions. Flare apparently has strong opinions on why Lunar was wrong to turn on Eclipse, especially because Moon’s own treatment of Sun. So Flare is the one who mainly dislikes Lunar.
Surprisingly no one in the family have strong opinions on Solar, and apparently one line Coastxl does have planned for a future chapter is, “Solar? I don’t care for Moon’s little lap dog, I mean yeah he helps Moon and all but they are family who usually treat each other right so it’s understandable, though Solar is a pushover. People pleaser, even.” - Eclipse
Same as Solar no one has strong opinions on Earth, they all kind of just ignore the cheerful ‘sister’ and only plan for Moon, Sun, Solar, and Lunar ever finding where they are. Or really Eclipse is the only one planning and worrying, Bloodmoon and Flare are just trying to get Eclipse to stop worrying.
One thing they all have in common though is a hatred for Monty, and yes that does include Bloodmoon. No one really likes Monty.
I think their relationships with KC are shown well enough in the making fic, Coastxl said they might try developing the hatred and fear more through more night terrors and maybe even a few complete group hallucinations, so they do have a deep fear of KC is all I’m saying.
And before you ask, “how do u know u have permission to say this if they don’t know about you having all of their socials and links to the stuff they like?” Well, they said and I quote: “hm? Oh yeah you can spoil it if you want it’s not like it’s some huge surprise or anything- oh your asking this for possible future blackmail huh? Well fuck you I could give less of a fuck about you spoiling this, HAH”
I dunno if we're on friend levels yet, though tbf I don't really do any of these online friendship things often thanks to crippling anxiety 👍
Also they didn't shut up about my stuff? :0 Somehow I'm still surprised people seem to like my stuff, haha
Also, if anyone tries murdering me in my sleep because of this post, I'm throwing you under the bus <3 /silly
Weeeeeeeell, SEA and SR are pretty different relationshipwise, which would be a surprise to the SEA family.
Solar Flare and Eclipse wouldn't be able to imagine a father-son relationship between themselves, though Solar Flare would understand Flare's attachement to Eclipse, because it's also pretty attached to its own. Even if differently.
Killcode would be greatly saddened there's such a shitty version of himself, and he'd be torn between trying to fix their opinion of him and staying away, if only because he knows more now about trauma and those sorts of things. He too wouldn't want to see the people who caged him and his family in, so he can understand why the Remnants family would want to stay away. Doesn't mean he wouldn't be very tempted to change their opinion tho
Bloodmoon would find how Flare is so much younger an amusing difference they'd use to tease their own brothers. It's too good an opportunity to waste. They just have to do it.
Lunar would be freaked by the dislike of that Solar Flare, used to his brother being reliant, protective, quietly loving and most importantly, patient and always there. He wouldn't know what to do with a version of them that's more hostile with him.
Moon would once again be surprised while also not about just how much he sucks. He wouldn't blame the family though, because he knows he's awful. He would feel more comfortable staying away.
Sun would take one look at it and shrug. He can't do anything, it's none of his business, if those people want something they'll approach each other and work out their issues. He's more than aware family can be complicated and there can be lots of resentment and hostility and dislike, especially with everything that's going on. He also wouldn't be offended by someone looking down on him, because he's aware at first glance he really does appear pathetic.
Over all, the SEA family is surprised, sad and disappointed by the state of the Stellar Remnants dimension, but not like they can do much about it. They have to decide to change their relationships if they want to be something different. Although they'd prefer if these people didn't try murdering each other
(Also, SEA Eclipse thinks the four arms are cool and wishes he was built like that too. Everyone else is just glad the sleep-deprieved fuck doesn't have another pair of hands to overwork himself with)
#OurEssays#Moongleam answers#Scientist Eclipse's Adventures#someone else's AU#Stellar Remnants AU#the sun and moon show#sun and moon show#tsams#sams#tsams eclipse#sams eclipse#tsams killcode#sams killcode#tsams bloodmoon#sams bloodmoon#tsams solar flare#sams solar flare#tsams lunar#sams lunar#tsams sun#sams sun#tsams moon#sams moon#tsams solar#sams solar#tsams earth#sams earth#tlaes earth#laes earth#hope this is adequate enough
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Being interested in British polar explorers is such a huge learning curve in empathy and understanding human nature because we’re faced with hundreds of men that agreed with the British Empire to the point of actively helping it but we see past that. We see the people beneath the morally fucked views and we love them. And I think that is such an important skill to have because you’re always going to meet people that you don’t completely agree with, that’s just life. But if you hated everyone who you didn’t fully agree with, there’d be no one left on earth for you to love
#that and#having morally bad opinions doesn’t automatically make someone a bad person#just like having morally good opinions doesn’t automatically make someone a good person#and yeah#we ignore it most of the time#but that’s what you do when you love someone isn’t it#you ignore the things you don’t like about them as much as you possibly can#and almost everyone learns to do that at some point in their life#and maybe that’s not always for the best#but it is if their a genuinely good person underneath it all#omg no#*they’re#i’m not changing it#i’m on mobile#but i’m ashamed#and with these guys it’s the extreme of that#honestly#if you can learn to love a 19th - early 20th century british polar explorer you can learn to love anyone#tarra speaks#tarra’s opinions#polar exploration#polar explorers#british navy#british empire
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i don’t talk about bridgerton on here but just to clarify. i will not be having ANY eloise hate on this account. i will bite.
#eloise bridgerton they could never make me hate you!!#addressing the normal talking points one by one to get them sorted:#- no i don’t care that eloise called pen some names after the discovery. she was devastated and furious.#she can apologise in the future but in the moment of course she said it#- yes pen did write about eloise as a way to save her but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t possibly ruined eloise’s life#- similarly: eloise isn’t (just) angry that she was written about. daphne also went through whistledown and it very much terrified her#so have many other women including marina#- eloise is betrayed because she told pen everything and is realising pen told her nothing#(and she’s probably thinking about any secrets she might have said to her best friend that could now be used against the ton and her family)#- as claudio said: being regency gossip girl isnt a moral girlboss thing its deeply harmful tbh#- pen did have reasons to become whistledown! that doesn’t mean that she’s innocent or right!#- eloise isnt now friends with cressida to spite pen lmao she’s alone and scared and cressida was the last person who offered her friendship#she has no idea how to manage society by herself#(and she needs someone to improve the reputation of her and her family)#- im also convinced she has other ulterior motives for befriending cressida. like she’s keeping an eye on her or smth#- eloise didn’t just ignore anything pen said and that’s why she only just figured it out. pen deliberately didn’t speak like lw to hide it#the moment she did eloise was like huh that’s weird she doesn’t normally talk like that. and THATS when she figured it out#- eloise just found out her best friend has betrayed her and been hiding this massive secret#but she hasn’t told anyone. not even her own family. im not hearing out any accusations of HER of being disloyal#- also pen clearly wasn’t that upset at writing about eloise bc the moment eloise and colin upset her she went straight back to it lmao#side note but no i don’t think the queen is going to name her the ‘emerald’ or anything because she’s suddenly in the spotlight#eloise is tbh the only debutante she actually consistently recognised (for good or bad)#a new dress is not going to be interesting for charlotte to change her whole tradition#tl;dr i love eloise and i will die on this hill#eloise bridgerton#bridgerton
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*rattling the bars of my cage and screaming*
I WANT TO TAKE CARE OF MY HEALTH I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO ASK FOR HELP IN A WAY THAT WILL LET ME BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY
#blue chatter#I know I need to talk to a doctor abt the pain issues#I know this#my concern is that the focus of my past few visits has been purely about my BMI#which is not helpful.#even if that is relevant to the current concerns. massively altering my weight would me a work intensive long term goal/pipe dream#sure. me weighing less could reduce my joint pain. it’s a possibility. I cannot snap my fingers and lose 20 pounds.#sure. my weight could affect my heart rate and my ability to exercise.#you could even argue that I’m pretty sedentary and could stand to exercise more#I still cannot snap my fingers and lose 20 pounds.#my heart rate is still really high *now*. it is hard to exercise without feeling like I can’t catch my breath *now*.#sure. my breasts are not entirely fibrous tissue. if I lost weight they would probably be smaller. reducing my back pain.#I *still* cannot snap my fingers and lose 20 pounds.#but somehow every conversation in the doctor’s office comes back to my weight#especially if *gasp* it’s gone up in the past year#yeah. I’m aware. it’s not something I can super control.#the fact remains that I do not have the spoons to spend on the diet and exercise plans I know I will get recommended#and I know I will get recommended them because my parents go to this doctor and my dad went through an intense weight loss program#which. by the way. despite him heavily restricting his diet and exercising to run a 5k. did not lead to long term weight loss.#and he did not end up sticking with it long term bc it made him actively miserable and he enjoys things like food with fat in it and wine#but I also know that I should not be ignoring all these red flags.#I’m also worried that if I bring up heart issues again then they’ll take me off my ADHD meds#which would be fair as a first trial to see if it helps reduce symptoms#but also. I don’t get shit done without my meds. I wasn’t consistently medicated in high school or freshman year of college#and I was so exhausted all the time just doing the bare minimum#it felt like running headfirst into a brick wall constantly. and I don’t want that for myself.#also in the periods I went off of my meds myself for a week to try and lower my heart rate it did very little#bc believe me. I would love to be able to donate plasma. but I can’t bc I’m over 100BPM at rest.#I would make so much money if I could sell my blood water but I Cannot
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Last post made me think about what I wanted most lol
#tbh I know I can be annoying and I talk about it a lot#but I always had hoped that I’d have fallen in love and become a housewife by now#low bar dream I know but I like the idea I guess cause I was raised with it#but I also can’t imagine being anything else I just wanna be the embodiment of love but that’s not possible#it’s kinda sad though because#and sorry to be vulnerable and depressing but growing up#I always told myself that this would be the year I finally got to experience romantic love!! and to this day I still say it#🥹 I’m very pathetic I know#I feel like a loser everytime I talk about it on here#I should have higher goals in life but at the end of the day#I guess most of all I want attention#it embarrasses me so much to say these things but where else can I go to unclog#I talk to the mirror sometimes#she’s really mean#melifails#anyways please ignore me#I’m just thoughts are heavy and sometimes I set them down in my pink play house because things are always a little better when you put them#I don’t wanna finish that I lost the train
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The Batboys being clingy headcanon:
Including Duke and Bruce <3
Hope you guys like it!
Tim Drake Tim’s clinginess is low-key, but it’s also constant. He’s the type to text you “What’s up? I miss you <3” while you’re just sitting 5 feet away from him. If you so much as stand up to go get a snack, he’s immediately there, like, “Where are you going? Don’t leave me.” He’ll lean against you, his hand finding yours without him even realizing it. When you're watching TV or reading, he’s definitely leaning into your side, trying to get as close as possible without being too obvious. But if you move to shift positions? Nope, he’s following you. He’ll slip his arm around your waist, all like, “Don’t think I didn’t notice that.” He’s not a big PDA guy, but when it’s just the two of you? Prepare for cuddles, hand-holding, and small, random kisses. He’s gotta be touching you constantly.
Jason Todd Jason is obsessive, no doubt. He’s that partner who’ll try to act like he’s tough and independent, but the moment you show him any kind of affection, he’s all over you. Like, you can’t just hug him. No. He’ll climb into your lap and basically trap you there, rubbing his face into your neck like a cat. He’s gonna constantly ask for kisses, too, but not just little pecks—he wants full-on, deep kisses where he can pull you close and remind you that you’re his. If you’re doing something, like, working or even hanging out with friends, he’ll try to drag you away, be like, “Hey, come hang out with me, stop ignoring me for two seconds.” He’s possessive, but in the cutest way, constantly needing your attention. If you even talk to another person for too long, he’ll give them side-eye and pull you back to him like, “You good? You’re not gonna leave me for some random guy, are you?” He’s also the type to cling to you in bed, hogging the covers and curling up like a human koala.
Dick Grayson Dick’s clingy energy is pure gold. He’s the most affectionate of the bunch and doesn’t shy away from public displays of love. He loves hugging you from behind, nuzzling into your neck, and just randomly planting kisses all over your face. He’ll text you “miss you <3” every few hours when you’re apart, and when you’re together? It’s all about touch. He’s sitting on your lap, or leaning on your shoulder, or pulling you into his chest just because he needs to be close to you. If you’re watching a movie, he’s definitely going to have his head in your lap, just to be as close to you as humanly possible. He gets giddy when he gets attention from you, too. You could be playing with his hair, and he’ll melt. He’ll whine like, “I’m not clingy, you’re clingy. But also, I love it. So don’t stop.” Honestly, Dick doesn’t care if he’s acting like a bit of a puppy—he’s obsessed with you, and he makes sure you know it.
Damian Wayne Damian’s clingy moments are hilariously dramatic. He might start out cold, acting like he doesn’t need anyone, but as soon as you show him any affection? He’s all in. He’ll randomly grab your hand and hold it like it’s the most important thing in the world. If you try to walk away from him for whatever reason, he’ll growl and pull you back in, like, “Where are you going? You’re staying right here.” He has this whole vibe of “I don’t need anyone else, just you”, so if you’re talking to someone else or looking away from him for too long, he’ll wrap his arm around your waist and be like, “I don’t think you should be talking to them. They might steal you away from me.” In bed? He’s a hug monster, wrapping his arms around you like he’s never letting you go. He’s all about the intimacy, though—when it’s just the two of you, he’ll be soft and surprisingly vulnerable, making sure you know that he needs you more than he lets on.
Duke Thomas Duke is lowkey super clingy, but in the way that’s goofy and endearing. He loves to follow you around, like, just wherever you go, he’s tagging along. You’re going to the kitchen? He’s there. To grab something from the laundry room? He’s there. If you sit down, he’s sitting on the floor next to you, asking if you want to “cuddle and watch dumb shows together.” He’s always finding excuses to touch you—like, his hand will just casually rest on your knee or he’ll come up behind you and play with your hair. And if you don’t give him attention? He’ll pout, even if he’s trying to play it off, like, “Aren’t you gonna give me a kiss? C’mon, don’t leave me hanging.” He’s the type who’ll give you a silly smile, lean in for a kiss, and then pull you into a full-on hug like, “Don’t go. I’m not done with you yet.” He’s all about the hugs, especially after a long day. You’ll be just chilling, and suddenly he’s like, “Hug time, right? Let me get one.”
Bruce Wayne Now, Bruce is not the type to openly admit he’s clingy. He’s still the stoic, brooding billionaire who’s been through a lot, but when it’s just the two of you? He’s softer than anyone expects. He’ll always make sure you’re physically close—his hand on your lower back, your legs touching when you sit next to him, and if he’s standing near you, his hand will casually rest on your arm. When you’re working late or doing something serious, Bruce will occasionally pull you away for a few minutes just to kiss you or hold you close. He’s not great at asking for attention, but when he’s feeling clingy, he’ll show you through little gestures. You’ll find him just sitting beside you in silence, just content to be in your presence. He’s a man of few words, but when he’s clingy, it’s all about the touch—the way he holds your hand, how he presses his shoulder to yours, and how he’ll insist on driving you home or waiting up for you, just to make sure you’re safe.
#batboys#batboys headcanons#damian wayne headcanon#damian wayne x reader#dick grayson#dick grayson headcanons#jason todd#jason todd headcanons#tim drake#tim drake headcanons#nightwing x reader#nightwing#dc x reader#duke thomas#duke thomas x reader#bruce wayne#batman#jason todd x reader#dick grayson x reader#tim drake x you#tim drake x reader#damian wayne#damian al ghul#batfamily#batfam#headcanon#red hood x you#red hood x reader#red hood#dc robin
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How’d they react to you calling them bro or dude whilst in a pre-established relationship…(platonic/romantic)
Dick: he’s insulted.
Gutted.
He will try to give you the silent treatment for such a shameful thing but ultimately fails as he ends up being the one pawing at you for attention.
‘Do you still like me? Or did you just run out of cute nicknames to call me?’ He’d say one night as your both cuddling in bed together. ‘If it’s the later then I can help you find something, just please spare me and don’t call me dude or bro anymore.’
He’d rather you call him Richard-wait, no he hates that even more because to him you’re not meant to use his fully name, only cutesy nicknames that’d make a grown man sick to his stomach. Nothing else would suffice other than Dickie bird, handsome, babe, hunk, honeybun or anything that wasn’t his name.
He’s go mad or would act delusional and say that everything was fine when everyone could tell that it wasn’t. People who know him have personally came to you and begged you to stop calling him dude/bro because he kept talking their ears off about how his beloved partner is torturing him, which ends up torturing them even more upon hearing about his relationship issues.
Dick would even consult Hayley on what he did wrong, only for Hayley to look at him with those big, big eyes of hers. This was not her level of expertise unfortunately. (Head empty, no thoughts. She can’t do her abc’s guys it’s a real tragedy.)
Jason: ‘I just had my tongue down your throat just now and you had to go and ruin the mood by calling me bro. What the fuck.’ - Jason at some point.
It’s a whole mood killer for him to be honest.
He’s calling you things like chipmunk or sweetheart but here you were calling him dude and bro. He knows for a fact that he’s well and truly out of the friend zone because the shit you’ve done together isn’t platonic in any sort of way.
Thinks Roy had set you up to call him dude or bro behind his back. (He hasn’t)
Jason is petty and will get his own back by referring you as ‘just a really good friend’, ‘buddy o’ mine’ or even worse than both of those; ‘chum.’ 💀
When you go low, Jason was more then willing to go to the depths of fucking hell to the point it had become a game to see who’d call out just how stupid this all was, and at the both of you for ever thinking that this was an excellent idea in the first place.
You’ll probs get punished…I’m just going to leave it there and let your minds guess what that ‘punishment’ was exactly.
Damian:
As much as Damian hates it when you call him Dami, he hates it when you call him dude or bro even more, if that’s even possible.
Damian hates it when you call him dude or bro. He’s not your dude or bro, he’s your partner and he expects no less then darling, my heart or my beloved.
So you calling him dude or bro is more than enough reason for him to give you the silent treatment.
‘Until you learn that I am your partner, I won’t want to be anywhere near you if you’re going to keep calling me your bro or dude. It is a disservice to who I actually am to you.’ He says with a huff and beckons Titus to follow, only for the Great Dane to be left confused as to why his human parents were at a disagreement over something silly.
Also Titus, Ace, Jerry, Alfred the cat, Goliath and BatCow are children of divorce because I said so.
So it’s bests that you apologise while you still can because Damian can hold a grudge unlike any other. Even if you didn’t, you’d still crack first before Damian and quickly put an end to calling him dude/bro.
He just thinks being called a dude/bro when in a pre-established relationship is an insult.
He can take a joke but not when it’s aimed at his relationship. He’s well and truly devoted to his relationship -if we’re to completely ignore the whole being Robin thing- that it might as well be an insult towards him too at this point.
#dc imagine#dc x reader#dc x you#dc fanfic#dc fic#dc comics x reader#dc x y/n#dc fanfiction#jason todd imagines#jason todd imagine#jason todd x you#jason todd fluff#jason todd x reader#dick grayson x y/n#dick grayson x you#dick grayson imagine#dick grayson imagines#dick grayson x reader#dick grayson fluff#damian wayne x y/n#damian wayne x you#damian wayne imagine#damian wayne x reader#damian wayne imagines#damian wayne fluff#dc fluff#nightwing x y/n#nightwing fluff#nightwing imagines#nightwing x reader
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Cherry Red, Crimson Blood
Chapter 44: Little Shit
Summary: John has left a mess in his wake. Can the pack pick up the pieces before it's too late?
Pairing: Poly 141 x reader
Word Count: 9,659 words
Warnings: Alpha/beta/omega dynamics, a/b/o, angst, language, some fluff, kissing, Simon being an asshole, angst
A/N: I'm actually very excited for this one and I know you will be too
MASTERLIST | <- Previous | Next ->
It’s cold out. It feels fitting, a mirror of the emptiness in your soul. They’re not happy about you being out here, but you don’t care. You don’t care about much right now. You’re wrapped in a blanket regardless, tucked into the chair, curled in, making yourself as small as you possibly can. There’s a need deep within you to feel protected and safe. Part of you had wanted to curl up in bed and lay there for the rest of time, but another part of you desired to sit outside and stare at the sea in the distance. A deeper part of you wanted to go, but you know they’d shut that down as fast as the words could come out of your mouth.
They don’t seem eager to do much of anything for you right now.
It’s a fair assumption. They’re all dealing with John’s absence as much as you are. There’s a definitive hole in your pack, and no one will be able to fill it, no matter how hard they try.
“If you’re going to sit out here, at least drink something warm.” A cup of tea is set down on the table before a figure lowers themselves into the chair next to you with a grunt. “’S cold out.”
“Feels good.” You murmur, ignoring the steaming cup. Of course he’d bring tea. He wouldn’t be caught dead drinking coffee after the playful rivalry that’s been ongoing between coffee drinkers and tea drinkers in the cottage. At least that can continue even in the tumultuous state of the pack.
It falls silent between the two of you, an awkward silence. He’s the last person you expected to join you outside. He’s been avoiding you like the plague, but then again he’s been avoiding you as much as possible since you arrived at the cottage. You know he doesn’t hate you, but you’d almost prefer it. The distaste he held for you back when you first joined the pack would be preferable to this quiet avoidance he’s wedged between the two of you.
“You...doing okay?” He asks, and you almost laugh in response.
Of course you’re not. He knows you’re not. He’s perceptive and aware. He knows what you’re feeling even without you having to say it. He’s asking purely because of societal expectations, but he already knows. He’s not stupid.
At least in his head.
“No.” You answer honestly, tucking your blanket up tighter around you.
“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks hesitantly.
“Do you want me to talk about it?” You retort. “Feelings aren’t really your thing.”
He shifts in the chair, glancing at you out of the corner of his eye. “Because you trust Johnny and Kyle more?”
“It has nothing to do with trust.” You say, your brows furrowing. “You’re just not the most...open person to talk to. Didn’t think you’d be interested in talking about feelings.”
“I’m just trying to be supportive.” He says.
“Well you’re doing a shit job at it.” You snap back.
Things fall silent between the two of you again, the wedge pressing on the edges of your bond, the little bond you have left. He’s done a good job at laying that barrier between the two of you, driving the space further and further in his distance. He’s the last person you want right now, but he’s the only one you have.
You let out a long breath, the air steaming in front of you. “He just had to be the one to go after Shepherd.” You say bitterly, your thoughts coming out before you can stop them. “He really just up and left and for what?”
“To make sure the pack is safe.” Simon says simply. “Alphas leave all the time.”
“But he didn’t have to! Not right now,” You say, turning your head to look at him finally. “Not when things were finally starting to get better.”
“He thought he had to.” Simon says, glancing sideways at you. “You know how he is.”
“Yeah and it sucks.” You say. “I wanted him to be better, to try harder to not think about the big picture...to think about me.” You let out a shuddering breath as you try to hold the tears back. “Just...why? Why him?”
Simon is quiet for a moment. “You wish I had gone instead.”
You give him a look. “You know that's not what I meant.”
“Is it? Because it sounds like it.” He says. “Would have been better if I had gone anyway.”
“Why, because then you wouldn’t have to deal with me?” You say, hurt and anger starting to churn in your chest. You’re getting frustrated with him and his emotional constipation.
“That’s not what I said.”
“Well it sounds like it.” You throw his own words at him, turning fully to face him now. “You really don’t want to be stuck here with me, in charge of me. Be honest.”
He’s silent for a breath, obviously trying to figure out how to answer in a way that’s going to hurt you the least. You don’t care. You want him to be honest and open, even if it does hurt. “It’s complicated.”
“That’s not an answer.” You say, letting the blanket drop from around you. You’re worked up enough from the emotions coursing through you, you don’t need it anymore.
“It’s the only answer I have.” He says, his voice firm.
You let out a sharp breath through your nose, pushing yourself up to stand. Some deep, twisted part of you wants to throw the tea at his face in anger, but you don’t. You won’t. You’re not brave enough for that. Instead you shove at his shoulder, barely making him budge. “You’re so fucking frustrating!”
You turn on your heel, storming back into the house.
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“Well you're certainly not winning any popularity contests.” Kyle says, leaning against the door frame.
“Piss off.” Simon growls, his shoulders hunched and tense like a coil ready to spring.
Kyle glances over his shoulder as something thuds in your room. He wonders what it is you’ve thrown this time. Maybe yourself. That’s Johnny’s problem for now. Instead he steps out the door, sliding it closed behind him before making his way over to the tense alpha.
“You really are shit at this.” He says, sinking down into the chair you were sitting in. It’s still warm from your body, and so is the blanket as he drapes it over his lap. “You’re going to have to try harder than that.”
“I shouldn’t have to try at all.” Simon snaps.
“But you don’t have a choice right now.” Kyle says. “I know you’re scared.” He cuts off Simon before he can protest. “Shut up, I know you’re scared of having this much power, of doing something wrong, of hurting her, but you’re not doing anyone any favors being all moody. You’re throwing her off and you’re throwing the rest of us off.”
Simon stays silent, staring out into the distance as Kyle continues to speak.
“John did what he did and we can’t change that. There was no changing his mind. You know that more than the rest of us. Now you have to step up. He trusts you to do that. He trusts his omega with you. That speaks volumes of his trust in your ability to take care of his pack.” Kyle reaches over, putting a hand on Simon’s shoulder, rubbing it gently. “We’re right here with you. You don’t have to be scared.”
Simon slowly begins to relax, his shoulders lowering and jaw unclenching as Kyle continues to rub his shoulder, projecting his scent to try and diffuse the tension that had built in your exchange with the broody alpha.
“I hate it when you do that.” Simon grumbles, sinking further into the chair.
“It works, though.” Kyle says with a soft smile. “You’re the alpha in charge now, so start acting like it.”
“I don’t know where to start.” Simon says softly.
Kyle squeezes his shoulder. “Maybe with an apology.”
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“He’s just so...emotionally constipated.” You say, throwing another pillow at the wall.
“He’s just...goin’ through a lot right now.”
“So are the rest of us!” You say, spinning on your heel to grab another pillow. “And we’re all doing just fine at trying to adjust!”
“Are we?”
You let out a huff as you stare at him, disheveled from the fit you’ve been throwing. Johnny grabs the pillow you’re bee-lining for, holding it out of your reach instead.
“That’s enough.” He says, letting the pillow drop to the floor before he reaches forward, wrapping an arm around you. He drags you up onto the bed, sitting you down between his legs.
“I just don’t get it.” You murmur as you sit there, drawing your knees up to your chest as Johnny starts to comb his fingers through your hair. “Why John had to leave, why Simon is being so difficult.”
“Ye want the truth?” He asks, tugging lightly at your hair. He’s starting to braid it, something to keep his hands busy.
“No.” You say, resting your chin on your knee. “I already know.”
“He’s just as scared as the rest of us.” Johnny says anyway. “He’s never been in this position before. None of us have. Sure, John’s left on solos before, but things are different now.”
“Because I’m here.” You murmur, leaning into his touch as his fingers brush your ear.
“A lot has changed.” Johnny says. “Not just because of ye.”
“A lot because of me, though.” You say. “If I hadn’t been here, if I hadn’t been added to this pack…”
“Things would have still gone to shit eventually.” Johnny says. “The truth would come out, Shepherd would run for the hills, John would chase after him. Difference now is there’s something tae come back to.”
Guilt churns in your stomach as you sit there, unsure what to say as Johnny finishes braiding your hair.
“You really think he’s coming back?” You say quietly after a moment, that guilt still chewing away inside your stomach.
“Course he is.” Johnny says, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you back against his chest. “He loves ye, he loves all of us. He has to ensure Shepherd is gone before he’ll feel safe again, before he’ll feel it’s safe fer you.”
He’s doing it for you.
It’s not the first time you’ve had that thought since your alpha left you.
You lean your head against Johnny’s arm, staring out the window at the grey world outside. It feels so dull and oppressive. For once you miss the sun and warmth of summer, the feeling of life instead of the chill that’s settled in your bones. It’s not cold in the house, yet you can feel a chill seeping down beneath your skin and into your very soul.
You curl up tighter in Johnny’s arms, pressing closer to his chest as if you might be able to sink deep into his very being. Maybe there you’ll finally be warm and that ache will ease just a little. His arms tighten around you, trying to offer you comfort, but it’s not enough. It’ll never be enough, not so long as John is gone. Your omega yearns for her alpha in a way you’ve never felt. You know separation can be hard on an omega, yet you’ve never quite experienced something like this.
Despite your hurt and anger and frustration, your omega longs to be in her alpha’s arms again. You want John to scoop you up and hold you tight in his arms and keep you there forever, safe and warm and protected.
Johnny’s trying his best, trying to offer you comfort but even he has to know it’s not enough. You need an alpha, you need someone there to offer some semblance of balance in the pack and for your omega. She’s not angry like she had been, but she’s restless still, pacing in her cage, waiting for something.
You let out a quiet breath, letting your eyes flutter closed for a moment as you sit there in Johnny’s embrace.
The quiet moment is broken by your stomach growling.
Johnny’s chest moves as he huffs out a quiet laugh, squeezing you tightly. “Come on, kitten. Let’s get ye some food.”
He finally lets you go, letting you slide off the bed. You grab a sweater from the closet before heading out into the main living area. Simon has disappeared unsurprisingly. Probably upstairs brooding, where he spends most of his time when he’s in the cottage. He almost spends more time outside the cottage now. He has to be going stir crazy laying low for this long. They all have to be.
Johnny passes by, brushing his hand across your back as he heads for the kitchen likely to harass Kyle while he tries to make lunch. Dr. Keller is nowhere to be seen, likely taking as much time to herself as she can. She’s been helping as much as she can while your pack tries to adjust to this sudden change. Mostly she’s been helping you, but the others have been utilizing her knowledge and understanding as well. It makes you feel guilty, making her work so much, but of course she’d never admit to being tired or worn out by the constant state of crisis within your pack.
You stand there for a moment, lost in thought until something warm presses against your back. You tense, slowly turning around to look up at Simon. He’s looming over you, staring down at you with his face hidden behind that stupid mask. You wish you could see his face and read him, but you know deep down his poker face is impeccable and you wouldn’t be able to read him anyway.
“You’re doing it again.” He says, and you know what he’s talking about.
“Sorry.” You say quietly.
“Stop apologizing.” He says rather harshly, making you flinch. His shoulders slump just a little at your flinch, a quiet sigh leaving his lips. “You shouldn’t be the one apologizing.”
You blink up at him. This is rather unexpected.
“We’re all going through a lot right now, a lot of changes...but that’s no excuse to be a dick towards you.” He lets out another breath. “I’m sorry.”
You continue to stare up at him in shock, not expecting him to go so far as to apologize for his actions. Especially not right now. “Are you...apologizing?” You ask him in disbelief.
“Yes.” He says simply.
You stare up at him for a long moment, staring into those chocolate brown eyes. He’s so big and imposing, yet he seems so vulnerable in this moment. Something stirs in the back of your mind, your omega starting to preen a bit at the idea of him finally bowing down before you and allowing you to be in charge. He’s lowered himself enough to apologize...what else can you get out of him?
A low rumble echoes in his chest as you stare up at him, a slow smile tugging at your lips. “You really mean it?”
“Stop it.” He growls, his eyes narrowing. “That’s not fair.”
“What’s not fair?” You ask innocently, batting your eyelashes at him.
He clenches his fist, his shoulders squaring. “I hate this new side of you.”
Your grin only widens as you step up closer to him. “Doesn’t smell like it.”
“Alright you two, come eat before you stink out the house.” Kyle says, breaking the tense moment between the two of you.
You give Simon a wink before turning on your heel, leaving the reeling alpha in your wake as you make your way to the table.
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“How are things going?”
It’s an innocent question, but it almost has you in tears. How are things going? Your pack is on the fringes of a breakdown, the bonds have never been more tense, you have an alpha that doesn’t want to be an alpha. How are things going? Not great.
“They’re okay,” You lie, your fingers tightening around the edges of the book in your lap. “It’s an adjustment.”
“I bet.” Ashley says sympathetically. “I can’t imagine this would be an easy change.”
“They’re doing well all things considered.” Dr. Keller swoops in, saving you from having to come up with a response. “The separation of an alpha can be a hard thing to cope with.” Her eyes are on you when she says it, making the guilt in your stomach twist itself into knots.
“You’re a lot stronger than I would be in this situation.”
It’s directed at you, and you bring yourself to offer a small smile in response.
In truth you feel like falling apart. You doubt either women would care. They’re both betas, caretakers. You’ve cried in front of Dr. Keller so many times you’ve lost count, and you doubt Ashley would look down on you for showing such weakness. It might actually feel good, letting the emotions out in front of two people who understand.
“You need anything, you let me know.” Ashley continues. “Even if it’s getting the boys out of the house.”
They are out of the house currently, well, Johnny and Simon left. Well, it was more like Johnny dragged Simon out of the house. Going on a run, they said. A long run. Maybe to town and back. A run to clear the head. A run to get those emotions out.
How you wish you could go for a run right now.
Kyle is somewhere in the house. Kyle. You feel guilty for how much you’ve withdrawn from the beta. You can only imagine how he’s feeling. His alpha has deserted him too. You both share that closer bond because of John and yet here you are keeping Kyle at arm’s distance. You have something to bond over, something to bring the two of you closer together in your confusion and the adjustments you both have to make.
Yet here you are holding him at a distance.
It only adds to the twisting of the guilt in your stomach.
The room has fallen silent, Ashley and Dr. Keller both staring at you. You blink yourself back into reality, looking between them. You got lost in your mind again, a habit you still can’t break. It’s gotten worse in your isolation, often left with nothing but your thoughts for company.
Whose fault is that?
“Sorry.” You say quietly, adjusting yourself in your chair.
“Welcome back.” Dr. Keller says, giving you a soft smile.
“A fellow over-thinker.” Ashley says, giving you a wink. “I understand 100%. Why don’t we move on to less intense conversation.”
You glance down at the book in your lap. In truth you haven’t read much of it. You haven’t felt like reading much in the last few days. You haven’t felt like doing much of anything these last few days. Life has gotten impossibly hard with the desertion of your alpha. You hadn’t expected it to feel like this.
You hadn’t expected it to be so hard.
Everything has been thrown off, even your desire to function as a member of the pack. If you can even call what you have a pack. You’re more like four independent planets all stuck in the gravitational pull of the black hole that is the bond you share. You’re slowly inching closer and closer to the event horizon, the point of no return when the gravitational pull will be too much and you’ll be sucked in and spaghettified in the intensity of your bond.
You’ll all be sucked in eventually. There’s no escaping.
Well, that’s not entirely true.
There is an escape, a way to find the velocity to pull yourself free of the looming event horizon, but the pain of it will be far greater than the pain you feel now. There will be no recovery, no promise of a future for you. It will be the end of everything. You’ll fall into a different black hole and there won’t be anything waiting on the other side.
“So what do you think of the main character?” Ashley asks, drawing you from your thoughts once more.
“I think she could use a break from everything she’s been through.” Dr. Keller says.
You and me both.
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As the days continue to pass since John’s desertion, things don’t improve much. Simon is still fighting his new role, driving Johnny to recede into himself again. Kyle is like a lost ghost, floating around the house like a specter. You...you’re going insane with it all.
You can’t take much more of this up and down, this lack of surety, the pain throbbing in the back of your head from the constant tugging of your bond. Their lack of motion has you spinning out of control. You need to take control, you need to help them and yourself. The pack won’t last like this, so you have to make things happen one way or another.
Looks like you have to do everything yourself again.
“Where’s Johnny.” You ask Simon as he passes by you in the living room.
“Upstairs I think.” He says, skirting past you.
“Will you go get him please?” You say, turning around to face him. “We need to have a pack meeting.”
Simon stares down at you for a long moment before nodding. “Fine.” He grunts.
You step out of his way as he heads for the stairs, his footsteps thudding up the steps. You let out a long breath, half expecting you’d have to fight him harder than that. You move to stand in front of the fireplace, a few seconds passing before you hear movement upstairs.
Three sets of footsteps make their way down the steps, the other members of your pack appearing one by one.
“Sit.” You say, pointing in front of you.
They move silently, sitting themselves down on the couches. Simon by himself on one, and Johnny and Kyle on the other. They’re sitting further away than they have been. It makes your chest constrict as you stare at them.
You clear your throat, the words you had planned vacating your mind as you stand before them. You have nothing to be nervous about. They’re just the members of your pack, men you’ve been around for almost a year now. You know them in and out, better than they know you. Yet you can’t hide the nervous twisting in your stomach as you stand there vulnerably.
You close your hands into fists to hide them from shaking as you look across their faces once more.
“I’ve gathered you here today to have a serious conversation.” You say, trying to keep your voice from wavering. “About us as a pack.”
Johnny shifts in his seat at your words, all of them staring at you intently.
“I know John leaving has been hard on all of us, but we can’t keep just floating around like a bunch of ghosts. It’s eating me alive and I can’t take it anymore.” You swallow the lump in your throat. “So, seeing as how no one else wants to do so, I’m taking charge of this pack.”
Simon shifts slightly at your words, just a flinch but you catch it out of the corner of your eye.
“My alpha is the one that left, so I should be the one to step up in his place.” You state firmly, not letting the thickening of Simon’s scent throw you off. “You can call me alpha now.”
Simon’s hands clench into fists, his scent nearly knocking you off your feet. “You think it’s that easy, do you?”
You steady yourself. You prepared for such an outburst from the broody alpha. “Yeah. I do.”
“You’re just going to step up and play alpha while yours is away?” Simon rises to his feet. “What gives you the right?”
“Well, you won’t do it.” You snap, steeling yourself as he steps closer. “So someone has to.”
His eyes narrow at your words. You’ve hit a nerve and he doesn’t like it. Good, you think. Serves him right.
“We can’t keep going on like this.” You continue, trying to reason with him. “Someone has to take charge and since you won’t, I will.”
“That’s not your place, omega.” His scent slams into you again and you feel the urge to drop as your status slips out of his mouth.
“Then do something!” You’re shaking now, fighting off his dominance. He’s using his own status against you. It’s not fair, but it’s what you want. “Man up and be an alpha.”
“Hey!” Kyle is between you before Simon can take another step forward, pushing the alpha back. “You’re not helping anything getting all puffed.” Johnny is on his feet too, halfway between you and the couch. “She’s right.” Kyle continues. “We can’t go on like this. John left and we can’t do anything about that. We need a leader.”
“You want that to be me?” Simon scoffs.
“Well, yeah.” Kyle says. “You are second alpha. It’s your job to take John’s place in his absence. We need you to take his place.” Kyle pushes him back another step. “You have to decide. You can’t fight our omega on wanting to step up because you don’t want to step up yourself.”
You feel like passing out as you stand there, still trembling from the onslaught of alpha you had just faced. You’re proud of yourself for facing it as long as you did. Months ago you wouldn’t have even approached the subject, much less stood up to him like that.
If you were stronger, you might have fought him back.
“It’s me or you.” You say, stepping out from behind Kyle. “It can’t be neither of us.”
Simon stares down at you, his eyes hard. His scent has dispersed a bit, the heavy ozone of it fading. The scent of beta is pushing it aside, but your nose still burns from his anger. He’s still frustrated, but you can see the tension in his body lessening. You imagine his jaw unclenching, his shoulders lowering just centimeters. You’ve got him right where you wanted him to be.
You step around Kyle, putting yourself back in his space. Kyle doesn’t move, inches away from your back. He and Johnny are still as statues, waiting and watching what’s going to happen next.
You reach for Simon, putting your hands on his arms. You gently guide him back before pushing him backwards onto the couch again. He goes easily, slumping back into the cushions. You stand over him and he lets you take the dominant pose this time. You move yourself so you’re between his knees and you bend down to take his hand in yours. It’s rough and calloused, even time away from handling weapons unable to soften the roughness of his skin. It’s the first time you’ve touched his skin since the day he rescued you. It’s the same hand he used to scruff you, the same hand that saved your life.
“I don’t want to have to do it.” You say softly, tracing the back of his hand. “I’d prefer it were you.” You lift your gaze from his hand to his eyes. “I trust you to do it. I know that probably doesn’t mean much, but it’s the truth. John trusted you to save my life once, and you did. He trusts you to take care of his pack, and I do too.”
He stares up at you for a long moment, his chest rising and falling with even breaths. You’re projecting your scent just a bit, trying to ease it deep into his brain where his alpha lies, use your power against him to convince him to take on this role so you can stop going insane.
“I need you, alpha.” You whisper.
His eyes darken, his hand tightening around yours. You’ve got him right in his soft underbelly.
He pushes himself up to stand, forcing you back half a step. Your chests brush as he looms over you, his scent thickening in the air, but not in the way it had before. The leather and natural muskiness invades your senses, seeping deep into your brain. You stare up at him, waiting for him to make the next move.
“Fine.” He breathes, dropping your hand. “I’ll do it.”
A small smile tugs at your lips. You got him hook, line, and sinker.
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More days pass and slowly your pack begins to settle. Simon has shifted into his role easily, taking over as alpha. Johnny and Kyle no longer seem so weighed down, and the tumultuous energy has subsided a bit. You feel lighter, like some of the pressure has been lifted from your shoulders.
It has.
You’re no longer the only one holding the pack together, desperately clinging to the strings of your bonds. Simon is right there by your side, gluing them down so they no longer slip away.
You quite like him being alpha. He wears the title like a king and you find yourself feeling a stirring of excitement in your stomach every time you think of Pack Alpha Simon. It fits him, being in control of not just Johnny but everyone. Even Kyle seems a bit more at ease despite the missing link.
Your missing link too.
“Kyle?” You say softly, almost afraid to disrupt him where he sits on the couch reading.
“Hm?” He hums, glancing up from his book.
“I...was just wondering...how you were doing?” You wince at the awkwardness of your own words.
“Fine.” He shrugs, marking his place in the book.
“You’re sure?” You ask, slowly lowering yourself onto the opposite side of the couch. “I mean, our alpha is gone.”
Kyle nods slowly. “Yeah, he is.”
You swallow the lump in your throat. “I miss him.” You hate to admit it, but you do.
“I know.” Kyle says, reaching out for your hand. “I do too. He may be a shit alpha, but he’s our alpha.”
You can’t help but laugh a bit at his words. “That is true. You really think he’s coming back?”
Kyle nods. “I think so. I doubt he’d leave us high and dry. He loves both of us too much for that.”
You stare up at him. You forget just how much John cares for you and Kyle. It’s easy to forget with how he’s been acting lately. He left for you. He left for the good of the pack, to go eliminate the last threat hanging over your heads. Once Shepherd is gone, then you can finally move forward. You can finally decide what comes next.
What does come next?
Will they return to the military? Will they go back to the way life was before? You can’t expect them to give it up. You’ve come to that conclusion easily. They won’t leave that way of life without a fight, and you can’t ask that of them, not matter how badly you want to. You’ll go back to life on base, life the way it had been before. The constant worry and stress will always be a part of your life, no matter what. They’ll always put the good of the world above everything else. Even your pack.
They promised they’d start putting you first, but you can’t ask them to give up their livelihood for you. It’s been their whole lives. They’re all career soldiers, they all started early and haven’t known anything else. This is what they do and it will always be what they do until they die or are forced to retire. You’ll always be there, waiting for them back home, praying they come back breathing and not in a coffin.
You’ll always have nightmares of that phone call, of getting that news.
“You okay?” Kyle asks, squeezing your hand.
You look back up at him, staring into those deep brown eyes. “Yeah.” You nod. “Yeah, I’m okay.”
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“Simon?”
Simon glances up from his phone, turning his head to the side. No word from John yet, but then again it could be too soon. He doesn’t know anything, and it’s driving him insane. He doesn’t like not knowing. He knows Shepherd had been found, though captured or spotted he’s none the wiser. John could have been going on a stakeout for all he knows. It could be weeks, months.
It’s been just over a week and he doesn’t know anything yet.
He hates it.
He turns his head to the side, staring at you. You’re standing there, looking small and timid next to the couch. So different from how you stood up to him days ago when you forced him to finally accept he’s in charge. He had to take on that role because John wanted him to. That’s why he knew first, that’s why John spent so much time preparing him. Simon have to take on this role eventually, whether he wanted it or not.
“Have you heard anything from John?” You ask, shifting on your feet.
It’s the first time you’ve asked about John. Sometimes he wonders what’s going through your head. You’re angry and frustrated with John, he knows that much. He can read that on your face. He knew from the teary goodbye, the look of despondency hidden behind the quiet confidence on John’s face when he walked out the door that something had transpired between the two of you when he told you. Maybe you already knew. Maybe you already understood this would happen eventually.
If John would have let him, he would have gone instead, if only to save you from having to face this.
It would have been easier for him to play the soldier and assassin. He’s done it many times before.
“Nothing.” He says honestly. Better to give you the truth than false hope.
John will return, even if you told him not to. He’s too stubborn for that. He won’t give up that easily. He’ll know you’d change your mind if you told him to stay away. You didn’t. He can tell that much, but he knows. He understands.
“Oh.” You say quietly, almost as if you’d had a false hope that there was word, some small message to let you know he’s alive, he’s well, he’s coming home.
He can’t come home soon enough.
You slowly inch around the side of the couch before sitting gingerly on the edge of the cushion. You’re moving like you’re approaching a wild animal, but in your mind you might just be. He’s not a wild animal. If anything he’s the opposite of right now. He’s tired, worn down from the sudden weight of responsibility. He wouldn’t even bare his teeth if he could.
You’re holding a book in your hand. You clutch it to your chest as you slowly lean back, scooting until you’re comfortable on the opposite end of the couch from him. Why you chose there and not across from him, he doesn’t know. You could have sat anywhere in the house and yet you decided to sit next to him.
Perhaps it’s some deep omegan need for comfort and security. You certainly need a lot of that right now. You’re going through a tumultuous time and you’ll need all the comfort you can stand. He’s the one that’s supposed to give that to you, yet he finds himself withdrawing from that desire, that need. You won’t want his comfort because he’s not your alpha. He’ll never be your alpha, he’ll never be good enough.
Simon sits there, still as a sniper as he watches you slowly inch your way into a comfortable seat. You haven’t spoken a word since your small, quiet acknowledgment of his answer to your question. Maybe you’re too afraid to speak more, ruin the moment, drive him away when you’ve so obviously sought him out for more than word on your absent alpha.
He stays there as you move, slowly shifting yourself on the couch until you’re curled up in the corner. It’s reminiscent of how you used to sit in the rec room all those weeks ago, curled up on the couch while he sat as far as he could from you, at least until those bonds began to grow, those steel-bound threads of alpha and omega began to wind themselves around you like nooses.
Bonds are like nooses. One fails they all do. That’s why he’s always hated them, why he’s always avoided them.
Why his mother never gave in.
His hand curls into a fist, nails digging into his palm as he forces the thoughts away, shoves his past down into the recesses of his mind where it belongs.
You seem ignorant to his inner struggle as you sit there, book open in your hands. You’re lost in a fictional world, ignorant of everything going on around you. How easily you slip into a realm of distraction, he’ll never know. There will always be a part of him that’s aware, hypervigilant to the world.
Maybe you can drift off so easily because you feel secure enough to do so. You feel safe enough with him there to sink deep into a stupor brought on by words on a page. It stirs something inside of him. Pride? Honor? Guilt?
You’ve sought him out for safety and security and here he is blocking you out more and more. You had to face him down to force him into this position when he should have stepped into it in the first place. He should have done more, been more. From the start he should have been a better alpha, even if he wasn’t yours, even if he’d never be yours. He’s an alpha in the pack, he should start acting like it.
The vulnerability that takes. The weakness he’ll have to show.
It’s okay. The soft voice of his mother floats through his mind. Better to be soft than hard like your father.
A shiver runs down his spine, making his whole body tense. It draws you out of your book, your head turning to look at him. Not quite so lost as he thought, then.
“Simon?” You ask quietly, concern lacing your voice. “What is it?”
Your omega must be sensing some sort of danger. He’s on edge, your omega is responding, looking for reassurance that there’s nothing wrong, there’s nothing there.
“Nothing.” He answers, forcing himself to relax. He has to put his hackles down, otherwise the moment will be ruined. “Just thinking too much.”
He’s not sure why he said it. Maybe it was because he knew it would draw that small smile on your face.
He likes it when you smile. You haven’t been doing much of it lately, but then again, you haven’t had much of a reason to. Why smile when the world is crumbling around you? Yet there are still moments when he sees that side of you, you let out on base. Those happy moments when life was good and easy and predictable. Back when he allowed himself to feel, to touch, to smell, to devour your very being.
He misses it.
No he doesn’t.
It’s too much of a risk, too much of a vulnerability to allow that again. He can’t open himself up to that when it will only lead to more hurt on your part. Everything ends in hurt. It’s all he can do, all he’ll ever do. He’s hurt Johnny, he’s still hurting Johnny. You’ll crumble in his hands too, slipping through his fingers like sand.
He sits there still as you begin to slowly shift yourself so you’re facing him, putting your back to the fire. He watches you from the corner of your eye as you begin to stretch out, joints cracking as they straighten. His eyes lower to your feet as they slowly slip across the couch, inching closer and closer to him. His hand twitches, his breath stilling in his lungs.
He can’t move. He’s stuck there, stuck watching as you slowly press upon the barrier between the two of you, breaking down that boundary he’s set in place with just a simple movement. He can see it crumbling as your bare toes inch closer and closer until they press against the soft fabric of his jeans. Just a brush, just a tickle against his leg.
“Do you have to do that?” He asks, still staring down at your toes.
“It’s a small couch.” You say simply, not even looking up from your book.
“There’s an empty one right there.” He nods towards the empty couch across from him.
“I like this one better.”
His hand closes into a fist as you push against his leg with your toes. That boundary is crashing down, crumbling brick by brick as your toes bend, feet arching as you push against his leg.
“What are you doing?” He still hasn’t moved. He can’t bring himself to.
“My toes are cold.” You say, turning a page in your book.
“There’s a fire right there.”
“I don’t want to get up.”
Little shit.
He swallows the growl crawling up his chest, swallows down the emotions threatening to choke him. He’s right back in the rec room with your toes on his arm as the two of you read in silence. You’d gone toe to toe with him then too, the snarky remarks flowing like water between you. How easily it came, how easily it flowed, how easily you faced him on and didn’t back down.
Fucking hell how he’s missed this.
He doesn’t move, doesn’t get up like he once might have. Instead he sits there, letting you rest your toes against his leg, even though he knows they aren’t cold.
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Something draws you from the sweet edge of sleep and forces you back into the world of the living. You’re not sure what it is at first, unaware enough you can’t think rationally. You had been so close to the sweet bliss of sleep for your morning nap when something woke you. You try not to think about it, chasing that edge of tiredness that’s quickly fading from your mind.
A pain in your stomach pushes it even further away. It takes your breath away, pulling you right into the world of wakefulness. For a moment you think you might be dying. Appendix burst, GI bleed, some sort of horrible gas cramp. You did have a big breakfast after all.
No, it’s none of those things. That pain begins to shift, morphing into a gnawing feeling that grows until a low rumble sounds.
You’re hungry.
For a moment you wonder if you did sleep and you’ve slept through lunch. A quick glance at the clock tells you it’s only eleven. Not quite time for lunch yet.
You try to ignore it, try to curl up and go back to sleep, but that gnawing pain continues, keeping you from finding that tiredness that drove you to seek out your bed in the first place.
Instead you sit up with a huff, shoving the blanket off of you. A snack it is then.
The gnawing pain continues as you rise from the bed, padding quietly over to your half closed door. You slip through the gap, the living area empty. Upstairs or outside then, you think.
You head for the kitchen, digging through cupboards as the pain in your stomach continues to intensify. If you don’t eat right this minute you might die. You want something fast, but all you’re finding is cans and packages of food you’ll have to cook. You don’t have time for that.
Desperately you search, your hands starting to shake as you comb through the cabinets for something that might calm the uncomfortable growling in your abdomen.
Finally you find an unopened package of cookies. Tea cookies, you think, but you don’t care. You nearly rip them open in desperation, shoving one in your mouth. They’re dry, but you don’t care. They may as well be manna from heaven in this moment.
You carry the package over to the sliding door, staring out at the yard as you continue to shove cookies into your mouth. It hasn’t rained in a few days, the deck starting to dry out finally. It’s still cloudy and grey though, the sea reflecting the sky in the distance.
You stand there, lost in space and time until you reach into the packet of cookies only to meet air and crumbs. You stare down at the package, your stomach still rumbling hungrily like an insatiable monster.
Insatiable. Hunger.
“Oh fuck.” You say, staring down at the package still.
“What?” Kyle says, approaching you from behind.
You turn on your heel, hand still in the package. “I’m hungry.”
“It’s almost lunch time.” He says. “What would you like to eat?”
“No, no.” You gulp. “I’m hungry.”
He stares at you blankly for a moment before realization crosses his face. He stares at you wide-eyed, shifting on his feet nervously. “Oh shit.”
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“Sedation is an option but I’d have to get the supplies for it.” Dr. Keller says. “We’re not equipped here for something of that caliber. I can get the supplies, but we might not have enough time, even with Kate’s help.”
“It might be risky, drawing that much attention.” Kyle says. “People will have questions.”
“You’re not even nesting yet.” Dr. Keller says with a sigh, glancing at you. “This is bad timing.”
“It’s not like I can control it.” You say around a mouthful of chips.
You’ve already downed three sandwiches and you’re working on polishing off an entire bag of chips.
“I know.” Dr. Keller says softly.
“Is there any way to stop it from happening?” Johnny asks.
“Not without considerable risk.” Dr. Keller says. “Especially this close.”
“What do we do then?” Kyle asks, looking at you.
“It is possible for a beta to help, but it’ll be a long and painful heat without an alpha.” Dr. Keller says.
A hand lands on your shoulder as they continue to brainstorm. You look up from the bag of chips, a handful halfway to your mouth. Simon is standing over you, his hand on your shoulder. He tilts his head in the direction of your door before removing his hand. You blink at him as he walks towards it, pushing the door open before disappearing into your room. You shove the handful of chips in your mouth before putting the bag on the coffee table. You lick the crumbs off your fingers as you make your way towards the open door.
It’s bold of him, entering your room just like that, but your interest is piqued.
He’s standing next to the bed, fingers toying with the edge of the blanket tossed haphazardly across the mattress from your attempt at a nap.
“Simon?” You ask quietly.
“Close the door.” He says, turning around.
You pull it closed behind you, turning the nob so it doesn’t make any sound. Something tells you he wants to keep this as quiet as possible. Nerves start to rattle inside of you. What does he want? Why does he want to keep things quiet? They must notice you’ve disappeared, but Simon doesn’t seem to care either way.
“Come here.” He says, holding out his hand.
You approach slowly, a bit hesitant from the alpha being in your space. It is your space now, your room. Even if you haven’t nested yet, it’s still your safe, sacred space. He hasn’t been in your space yet. You haven’t even invited him in, and here he is just walking in and making himself at home.
Your fingers tremble as you slip your hand into his, letting him pull you closer. He toes off his boots before turning back towards the bed. You watch as he stares at the giant bear for a moment before he shoves it off onto the floor on the other side of the bed. It almost makes you laugh, it would have had you not been so nervous. What he’s doing is bold, and it’s leaving you unsettled.
He climbs onto the bed, sitting in your spot. He uses the hand in yours to pull you up onto the bed as well. He relaxes back against the headboard as you wind up in his lap, straddling his waist.
“What’s happening?” You say, staring at him wide eyed. You haven’t been this close to him in months, and here he is just sitting you right in his lap like it’s nothing.
You’re going to get whiplash if he continues this.
“I did you a disservice.” He starts, tilting his head back to stare up at you. “That time I made you use sedation for your heat. I was too afraid of hurting you to see what it really meant, to understand the risks and what it would be like for you.”
“You don’t have to apologize.” You say quietly, trying not to jump as his hands come to settle on your thighs.
“I do.” He says, his eyes soft as he stares up at you. “I wasn’t man enough to face down my fears. I’m not making that mistake again.”
“Simon-”
“Don’t.” He says quietly. “Don’t talk me out of this.”
You shake your head. “You don’t-”
“I want to.”
His words have your protests dying in your throat. You stare at him wide-eyed. This feels like it’s coming out of left field. Things have shifted since his ascension into pack alpha, including the distance that had wedged between the two of you. Though he’s still been spending the least amount of time with you, you can’t deny he doesn’t feel quite so distant anymore. It’s comforting, just knowing there is an alpha there that would catch you if you fell.
Still, to go to this extent, to move this fast feels uncharacteristic for him.
“Simon,” You say softly as his hands trail up your thighs, reaching for your own hands.
“I should have done more, I should have been more for you.” He continues, almost as if he’s talking to himself. “You were right. I should have stepped up as soon as John said he was leaving.” He lifts your hands until they’re resting on either side of his neck. “I want to do this for you.”
You swallow thickly as you stare down at him, your fingers trembling where they rest against his mask. It feels strange being this close to him after so long. He’s being so...vulnerable suddenly and it’s making your head spin.
“Take it off.” He says.
“What?” You blink at him in surprise. You didn’t expect this at all.
“The mask. Take it off.”
“You...you’re sure?” You ask.
“Do it.” He says firmly.
Your fingers are still trembling as they curl around the bottom of the fabric. You can hardly believe this is happening, this is real. You’re really going to see his face. You had resigned yourself to only ever seeing him in his mask for the rest of your life, that he’d never willingly become that vulnerable with you. Yet here he is, coming into your space and opening himself up to this vulnerability.
Slowly you tug the fabric upward, revealing his scruffy chin. It’s the most you’ve ever seen of him when he tugs his mask up to eat. You continue pushing the fabric upward over his lips, your thumb tracing the scar there for a moment as you try and gain the courage to continue. It’s really happening. You’re about to see his face for the first time.
You push the mask up over his nose, thumbs gliding over his cheeks as you continue, pushing it up higher and higher. You take a deep breath in before tugging it upwards, pulling it completely off. He blinks up at you, leaning his head back against the headboard. You stare down at him in shock and awe, taking in his full face for the first time.
“You’re so...British looking.”
It’s the only thing you can think of to say. His face falls slightly, his brows pinching.
“Not-not in a bad way, it’s just...I’d know you were British if I saw you walking down the street.”
You wince at your own awkwardness. You’re not making it any better.
“You’re a handsome British man.” You say, cupping his cheeks.
He stares at you blankly for a moment and you worry you’ve fucked this up before his lips twist up in a smile, his arms wrapping around your waist.
“Like what you see?” He wiggles his eyebrows.
“Very much so.” You say quietly, cupping his cheeks.
You want to kiss him. You want to lean down and press your lips against his. You’re not sure where the desire has come from, when this sudden shift and change happened, but you can’t deny the desire you feel towards him. Maybe it’s your looming heat, maybe it’s because he’s the only alpha around, maybe it’s because he’s finally stepped up into what you knew he could be for you, what he could do for you.
He doesn’t stop you as you start to lean down, giving into the impulsive need. You wait for him to push you away, wait for him to change his mind and walk out the door, but he doesn’t. His arms tighten around your back, pulling you flush against his body as your lips touch his in a gentle, hesitant kiss.
A low growl rumbles in his chest as you kiss him, his hand flattening against your back. Shivers run down your spine, a quiet whine leaving your lips. His hand slides up your back, sinking into your hair to stop you from pulling away.
“Missed this.” He murmurs against your lips.
“Why did you wait so long?” You say quietly, kissing him again.
“Couldn’t stand the thought of hurting you again.” He says, pulling away. “I did it enough times before.” He stares up at you like you hung the moon and the stars. “I wasn’t fair to you.”
“You seriously don’t have to apologize.” You say, putting a finger on his lips. “I know you were being Mr. Emotionally Constipated So I Have To Make Myself Suffer For No Reason. It works for you, though.” You shrug. “Pairs with the Mr. Dark and Mysterious well.” You smile down at him. “Who knew Mr. Dark and Mysterious would also turn out to be Mr. Very British. Should have known with all the tea talk.”
He tightens his grip around you before suddenly pushing himself up. He flips you over onto your back, his hand squeezing your side, making you giggle. You trust him not to hurt you, his movements done in jesting not anger.
“You little shit.” He chuckles, resting on his elbows above you.
You smile up at him, pulling him down for another kiss. “I missed this.”
“So did I.” He says before kissing you deeply.
The kiss has electricity shooting down to your toes. Your whole body feels alive as your lips move against his, your arms wrapping around his neck. One hand slides into his hair, the short soft strands slipping through your fingers. You rake your nails across his scalp, a low growl rumbling in his throat. He pushes his body down against yours, squishing you into the mattress but you don’t care. He’s so big and warm it makes you feel safe and secure and for the first time since John left, your omega has settled contently.
You pull away begrudgingly after a few moments, staring up at him. You still can’t believe you’re seeing all of him, that he’s honored you with this chance to see his face fully.
“You really mean it?” You breathe, the hand in his hair sliding to cup his cheek.
“Of course.” He murmurs, pressing a kiss to your palm.
“We should go let them know so they can stop stressing.” You breathe.
“Good idea.” He kisses you one more time before he pulls away, letting you get up off the bed.
You grab his mask, handing it to him. “Here.”
He stares down at it for a long moment before pocketing it. “I don’t need it.”
You stare at him in surprise. “What?”
“I’ve been hiding long enough.” He says. “There’s no reason to now.”
You give him an incredulous look. “What happened to you?”
He shrugs. “Had an epiphany I guess.”
“One hell of an epiphany.” You say as he opens the door.
“It might be our only option.” Dr. Keller says as you step out of the door. “It’s going to be a rough heat though.”
“I’ll do it.” Simon says, standing next to you.
The three of them look up, Johnny doing a double take. Dr. Keller’s face slowly morphs into a smile as she stares at Simon. She’s seeing his face for the first time as well. It speaks volumes to his sudden new-found trust that he’s letting her see him as well. Or, maybe he’s solidifying her place among the allies of your pack. He knows how much she means to you, how much she means to the others.
It almost makes you want to cry.
The room is silent as Johnny and Kyle stare at Simon in shock. You stand next to him, a small smile on your face. Things are finally turning around, things are finally starting to shift and heal within your pack, even with John out of the picture for now. He’s going to be surprised when he comes back.
Simon shifts on his feet next to you, his hand squeezing yours gently. It grounds you, keeps you steady as he speaks the next words, the words you never thought you’d hear from him. They’re sincere, not born out of necessity or need. He really does mean them.
“I’ll help her through her heat.”
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#call of duty#call of duty fic#cod fic#poly 141#task force 141 x reader#john price x reader#captain price x reader#simon riley x reader#ghost x reader#johnny mactavish x reader#soap x reader#kyle garrick x reader#gaz x reader#alpha/beta/omega dynamics#a/b/o#omegaverse
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boy nextdoor!jj is so hot hehe him choking me while he fucks me in a matting press AHHHH. want to see him smirking down at me through his floppy blonde hair wet with sweat as he puts his other hand over my mouth so my parents don’t wake up :3
ohmygoodness stop it right now. the way i smiled reading thisss pleaseeee!!! adding this to the kinktober list cuz why not!! #19 (ignore any spelling mistakes sorry lol!)
anotha little boynextdoor!jj x girlnextdoor!reader thought ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪
when your boyfriend does manage to sneak in through the window by climbing on a tree…he usually spends the night. your parents go to sleep fairly early, like soon after dinner early, so that gives you and jj some alone time in the dark without worrying about one of your parents randomly entering your room to check on you. it's happened before and though jj is getting better at running to find a hiding spot, it's is not ideal.
your parents figure you like to fall asleep to the tv you have in your room watching your little movies, and that it’s the movies making the little sounds. while that is true on some nights, this time around both the tv, you and your boyfriend are making sounds.
“jay!” you squeal when he throws your legs over his shoulders, bending down again to press his flushed hard cock deeper into you. “shhh, gotta be quiet, like a little mouse, quiet okay?” he shushes you, your little movie still on in the background, providing a decent amount of light to illuminate his features and yours.
“uh huh…okay” you nod, still a little dazed due to the past two orgasms he gave you by fingering you a little over 20 minutes ago. once he pushes into your puffy pulsing heat, he wraps a strong hand around your throat and starts to squeeze down, causing you to furrow your eyebrows and grip the hand on your neck. jj is practically trapping you there, underneath him getting incessantly plowed by his big dick.
“wanna hold my hand?” he offers you the hand that’s not on your neck, you mewl at his sweetness, he’s still trying to make you feel as loved and safe as possible even if he is fucking you like he hates you.
“mhmm!”
“here babydoll” he takes your hand in his, the sounds of skin slapping skin faintly bouncing off the walls, not wanting to risk waking the whole neighborhood up with the way he really wants to be pounding into you right now.
your lips are swollen from his kisses, drool threatening to escape the corners of your lips, tear stains on your cheeks glisten due to the lighting, your hair all messy, and still jj thinks you look like the prettiest little thing.
“y’look cute, c’mere” your boyfriend grunts, pulling you up by your neck for another kiss, “harder jayjay, please harder!” you whisper, needy as ever.
“i know babe,” jj chokes you harder and uses his other hand to rub your clit in fast circles, “g’nna cum again!” you squeal out.
“gonna wake up your parents, hold on,” he takes his hand off your neck and covers your mouth to keep you from making any more loud noises, as much as he loves to hear them….
“alright kittie cat no more screamin’ or im gonna have to press your face into the pillow,” he whispers in your ear.
“mph- nmm” your words muffled by his big hand,
“yeaaaah good girl, almost done baby, just keep takin’ it…” he bends your legs back further into a mating press and starts thrusting in again. the position causing his dick to go in deeper and hit the spots that make you melt. that combined with the way both your bodies all sticky with sweat and how he smells all salty and musky, makes you roll your eyes back and then squeeze them shut.
“h-ha…shit, y’so warm and wet holy fuck i love you so much.” jj grits through his teeth, bringing that hand back down to play with your pulsing clit. you whine into his hand as you cum hardddd on his dick, squeezing him so hard he can barely pull out to thrust in again.
“shhh sh sh, there you go…reaaal yummy huh?” he coos, bringing that hand back up to choke you again, “baby girl likes getting choked huh? dont’cha?”
you try and make a sound but you just can’t with how hard he’s squeezing your neck. “yeeeeaaah she likes it, little pussy gushes on me when i squeeze your throat like…thisss…” he gives a few final hard sloppy thrusts, letting go of your neck to give you a breathing break, sweat dripping down his chest, before he shoots hot strings of cum into your cervix.
he doesn’t pull out to keep all that cum stuffed in you and bends down to give you wet sloppy ‘good job’ kisses, whispering an ‘i love you’ after every kiss.
“think we were pretty quiet this time?” your boyfriend whispers looking into your eyes, and all you can do is give him doe eyes, pout and let out a little “mph!” ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡
#sexilene's kinktober#SL kinktober 24#lenepilar'sobx!⋆₊ ⊹#boynextdoor!jj#sexilene.com#jj maybank prompt#jj maybank thoughts#jj maybank x reader#jj x reader#jj maybank#jj outer banks#jj x you#jj thoughts#jj obx#jj maybank smut#jj maybank imagine#jj mayback x reader#jj mayback imagine#jj maybank x you
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~ ~ ~
#I come back to this same problem all the time now#how do I tell you I want more time with you without sounded clingy or overbearing?#how do I tell you I need you to give me a little more care in this friendship without seeming needy and annoying?#how do I tell you I feel like you’re taking me/our friendship for granted without causing a huge fight?#how do I point out that you gave me more time when we were fooling around without it seeming like a passive aggressive jab?#I feel like everything I do or say is just going to upset you or push you away#you say I don’t have to walk on eggshells with you but how can I not?#you’ve made it clear there are topics you won’t talk about with me no matter how much anxiety they’re giving me#so how do I come to you with these questions without making it seem like I’m skirting around something you don’t want to talk about?#I just want my friend back#I miss the person who seemed so eager to talk to me as much as possible and made so much time for me#the person I could talk to for hours on end and have these wonderfully long conversations with#I know we’re all busy and tired but you were busy and tired back then too and you still gave me a lot more of you then#it feels like now that you don’t want me that way anymore you don’t care as much about putting effort into our friendship#I’m usually the one bearing the burden of conversation and trying to prompt you to talk to me more#I’m the one sending long messages and acknowledging every single thing you say when you barely reply to most of what I tell you#I try to share fun memes and pictures you would enjoy and most often you completely ignore them#you recommend things to me expecting me to interact with those things but if I do that to you then you just refuse to engage with my stuff#kinda sucks when you’re telling me about a movie or song you want me to see/listen to#but when I do that you pretty much just blow me off and never engage with any of it#and that just kinda hurts and I’ve had issues with that with old friends before so it causes a lot of anxiety issues too#I’ve been respectful of you still needing/wanting to keep our friendship a secret but that fucking hurts too#friendships can’t bloom in secrecy and I don’t want to be stuck behind a screen forever#but I just feel like I can’t say any of this to you ever because it’ll just be a problem#so I have to mask with you and just try to stay happy and make pleasant inane conversation because that’s what you want#and overall I just want more time with you#just a solid block of time we can talk to each other like we used to#personal
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PRINCESS TREATMENT
ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤh. joshua x fem!reader ⪩⪨
01.ㅤۗㅤ𝙼ember . ⎯⎯⎯ joshua.
02.ㅤۗㅤ𝙲𝚆 . ⎯⎯⎯ multiple pet names, possessive thoughts, mentions of blowjobs(m.) and sex, just a very gentle guy who loves his girl more than anything.
⪩⪨ boyfriend!joshua whose instagram is filled to the brim with pictures of his beautiful girl, sometimes he forgets to tag you but it’s okay because it takes no sherlock holmes to figure out your username since he only follows your account and a naruto fanpage.
⪩⪨ boyfriend!joshua who wants you to meet his parents in less than a month into the relationship, it’s extremely important to him to make it as clear as possible that he is serious about you, leaves no room for overthinking at all, always a step ahead of you in the “would you still love me if i was a worm?” department, the best boy indeed.
⪩⪨ boyfriend!joshua who would rather take a bullet than let you pay for literally anything, because how dare you even suggest paying for your own things? as if you don’t know the only reason he works so hard it’s exactly so he can pamper you endlessly? the absolute nerve of you, better get on your knees and start apologizing.
⪩⪨ boyfriend!joshua who is the sassiest and most dramatic guy you’ve ever been with, but can not for the life of him handle the thought of you doing any work at all, in every aspect, which, ironically, sometimes makes you work even harder to get what you want.
⪩⪨ boyfriend!joshua who makes it the world’s most difficult challenge to accept receiving head from you for the first time, he enjoys being the one doing all of the work to make you feel good, he just couldn’t see how blowing him off would please you at all so he kept denying(while completely ignoring the tent forming rapidly in his grey sweatpants) until you begged too sweetly, so softly, looking at him with so much adoration and love, like you wanted nothing more than to please him, he could have finished right there but instead he shook his head and sat down in the bed, ready to give his princess anything she could ever want, just like he promised he would! even if what she wanted was to kneel in front of him and try to fit his thick cock into her little mouth for a while.
⪩⪨ boyfriend!joshua who uses every opportunity that stumbles across his way to show off his huge arms, it’s a win-win scenario, he gets to feel all hot and manly and you get to hold onto your boyfriend’s strong biceps everywhere you go and get carried on bride style after a night out that, honestly, didn’t even leave you that drunk, but since he offered to carry you, who would ever say no?
⪩⪨ boyfriend!joshua who adores your nails and is always super excited to see the results of your nail appointments, asks for pictures during the whole process, sends you food when it’s taking too long, and finally when the nails are done, he’s there to pick you up in his shiny car, more than ready to do the last step of your nail day, which is putting them to the test, the scratch test.
⪩⪨ boyfriend!joshua who just can’t help but adore when you leave him all marked up, he loves it, and how can you blame him? was he supposed to be normal about having proof straight on his body of just how good he made you feel last night? how could you even consider he'd do such a thing? this man is not normal about you in general.
⪩⪨ boyfriend!joshua who knows your entire wardrobe like the back of his hand, half of it because he bought it, the other half because of how often he’s watching you, definitely a “i look at you more often than you think” kinda guy. he’s very proud of just how well he knows his baby.
⪩⪨ boyfriend!joshua who remembers all of your food preferences and orders, knows all of your allergies, all of your icks and all of your friend’s gossips because he’s just so well behaved! he won't tell anyone, he never would! he's your joshy! you can trust him to keep all of your secrets, forever.
⪩⪨ boyfriend!joshua who’s very open about the fact that he wants to marry you, live the rest of your lives together, maybe with a kid if you’re into that, maybe just dogs if that’s better for you, he got his own wishes when it comes to creating a family, but at the end of the day; this man has one priority, and she has a name. whatever is best for you, it’s the best for him.
⪩⪨ husband!joshua who no matter how long it has passed since you got married, has not lost even a little bit of his obsession with you. his precious flower, his cute little thing, his darling, his sweet girl, that’s all you’ll ever be to him, all his to love and protect, forever.
#seventeen fanfic#seventeen smut#seventeen imagines#seventeen imagine#seventeen scenarios#joshua x reader#joshua hong x reader#joshua smut#hong joshua smut#joshua fluff#seventeen drabbles#seventeen reactions#hong joshua x reader
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I NEED A SMUT ONE SHOT OF THIS LOGAN I CANT FIND ANY
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d4577b42975f679c2f9fe3aa0bf74f72/60ea71c2c78b983e-d4/s540x810/815577b7470c0b61678bfa1314e09782413b78e2.jpg)
𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗡𝗘𝗘𝗗 𝗠𝗘
pairing: mob boss! Wolverine x mutant!reader
summary: After getting mutant powers, Wade and y/n thought they could save the city from gangsters to be recruited as an avenger. They soon find out that the boss of all the gangsters in the city is a variant who slipped his way into their universe. A new Wolverine, but the worst of them all.
warnings: blood, possessive, animalistic, neck biting, marking, tasting, smut, etc.
note: Logan can't ignore a woman who's just like him.
please message and request us for more of this variant!
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How do you guys feel about a x men story with reader? Logan being rude Logan at first, then slowly shows small affection towards the reader. Jealousy and things of that sort. They soon hit it off, and after Logan starts acting rude again, because he’s scared of the love he grew for her. It’ll be a long story, but something to read at night. ALL ON WATTPAD! Comment below, please!
———
“How about we shut the fuck up so we can make it out of here alive, hm?” Y/n asked Wade who kept whispering over to her that he swore he knew the man sitting in the chair.
“How would you possibly know a mob boss Wade?” She annoyingly asked, thinking he was joking as usual, but after she turned to look at Wade, she noticed how serious he was.
“That’s the fuckin’ Wolverine,” Wade gasped, noticing the man’s muscles and body structure as well as his hair that stayed up perfectly. Wade was a fanboy and knew from the comics, this had to be a variant of him.
“C’mon, y/n! We’ve had too much shit happen for you to not at least think. Look at him! The man looks exactly like him!” Wade said, as y/n shook her head. Sometimes she regretted teaming up with Wade. This was one of the times.
“God fuckin’ damn, do I have to prove myself every time I say something!?” Wade said before dropping down to the floor and kicking up into the man’s face.
As the man holding Y/n loosened his grip from the unexpected fight with Wade, y/n turned around, elbowing the man in his face, causing him to knock out next to the other man.
“Mister Howlett, I’ve been waiting my whole life to meet you-“ Wade said as he walked towards the man who was still facing the pool table. Before Wade could finish his sentence, the man brought out his claws and stabbed Wade in his face.
Y/n gasped loudly as the man pulled back and Wade fell to the ground, groaning in minimal pain.
Y/n charged at the man, hoping he’d stay faced forward so she could end him, but he got up and grabbed Y/n. All in a swift motion, the man turned her around and slammed her on the table, one hand around her neck as the other brought out his claws and strapped her in the gut.
Y/n yelled, feeling the sharp pain, but it quickly went away. Y/n breathed heavily as she looked up, about to throw a punch, but she froze.
“Holy shit,” she said, seeing rare eyes looking down at her. “Told you!” Wade jumped up onto his feet before a few bodyguards pulled him back.
“H-How?” She asked as the man dug deeper into her stomach with a head tilt. The last time he checked, he was the only one to regenerate. How come a man in a red onesie and a pretty young lady he’s never seen before, can do the same as him.
“Take the man to the basement, and her — Get her cleaned and dressed to my liking,”
Y/n looked at the man, confused as well as Wade. “Hey, wait! We need to talk!” Wade yelled as the men dragged him away. “Don’t worry — We will,” Logan said as he removed his claws from y/n, eyes still burned into her.
Y/n stayed still, looking up at the man she knew was dangerous. He looked dangerously and anyone who knew who Wolverine was, would know he was.
“Fascinating,” the man said as he lifted y/n’s tight shirt up, grazing across her wound that healed in seconds. Logan quickly stepped back and snapped his fingers.
Y/n leaned up, getting ready to fight anyone that came near, but she failed as four men grabbed her. Y/n yelped after a sharp pain stuck in her neck. Before she could say anything, she fell out.
Y/m had woken up thirty minutes ago, cleaned, and dressed in some skin-tight silky dress. She had no idea what was going ok and why she had red bottom heels on.
She stayed seated on the bed in the huge room she was locked in before the door finally opened. “Said, I can handle her, alright? Stop fuckin’ buggin’ me, Bub,” Logan said before shutting the door behind him with a sigh.
“Where’s Wade?” Y/n asked after seeing blood stains on the man’s white suit. “Being held,” he replied as he made his way over to the bed she was on. The young lady crawled back onto the bed until her head hit the headboard.
“Let us go, and we’ll let you love — For now,” she added, making the man chuckle. “You can’t handle me just because you can regenerate, Bub,” Logan said, now standing on the bed.
“Your little partner told me what you were up to. You thought you could kill me? Serious, y/n?“ the man said, making her heart drop. He knew her name. Fuckin’ Wade…
“Don’t worry, sweetheart. I won’t hurt you. You’ve got me all wrong,” the man said as he reached out to her. The girl flinched, not knowing what he was going to do until his hand softly touched her skin.
“No one knows what I do, so if I tell you this, you’ll have to promise to keep that pretty mouth closed,” he said, taking a look at her lips.
“D-Depends,” she said as his fingers trailed around her leg. “I had been demoted from these bastards wearing helmets. They tried stickin’ me with something, but I took care of it,” Y/n knew what he meant by that.
“Took one of their devices, and got here. Same world but different. Wanna know how?” He asked, hands close to the bottom of her mid-thigh dress. “Why?” She asked low.
“Because pretty girls like you back at home don’t come into my space trying to kill me,” he said, slightly scarring the girl. What did she get herself into?
“But don’t worry, Bub. You thought I was one of them, so I’ll let it slide. I’m not a drug dealer, I’m not a gun dealer, and I don’t kill people unless they demand shit. Usually, they’re bad,”
“Wade isn’t bad, and you stabbed the man,” Y/n said, making the man chuckle. “He was in my face and broke into my home. You gotta understand me on that, princess,” he said, now tracing his hands up her clothed thigh.
“Good, so, now that we’re at some kind of understanding, is like to offer you what I offered your partner,”
“Work with me to keep this place from falling apart. In my last world, I was the bad guy. I was all the things I just told you I’m not. I’ve changed, and I need more people like me to help,”
Y/n was confused at the sudden change in the man. At first, he seemed like he was going to murder her and Wade in the worst way possible, but now, he’s asking for help.
“And if you don’t wanna get your pretty hands dirty, you can just be by my side, lookin’ just like that,” he said, slowly hovering over the girl who didn’t think of pushing him off.
“Hey, your friend’s fine. This isn’t his blood. I know it doesn’t make it better, but just know, the stranger deserved it — Trust me, princess,”
Y/n didn’t know what came over her, but she believed him. Maybe he isn’t bad, and he’s just disguising himself like this to move around the safe.
“You trust me, baby?” He asked as his free hand cupped her chin. “C’mon, Bub — Talk to me,” Logan said as he leaned towards her, lips inches from her. He knew that if she didn’t want him on her, she would’ve done something about it.
“I don’t even know you,” Y/n said, feeling her stomach tingle. How is he doing this to her? “Then let me introduce myself,” the man said before softly attacking her lips, instantly forcing his tongue in her mouth.
Y/n moaned low in between their kiss, hating herself for letting a stranger touch her in any kind of way, but it was hard to push him away. The man was intimidating.
“You don’t understand how good it feels to know there’s someone like me. Especially when they look like you and taste so good,”
Logan hikes the younger lady's dress up until he could fully grab her ass, squeezing until she earned a loud whine. “Soundin’ pretty, Bub,”
Y/n wanted to respond, but the feeling of the man’s teeth softly biting down on her neck stopped her.
Y/n’s hands flew to his shoulders to grip down on as she let out a low whine. The man groaned in her ear before he continued moving his hands down her body.
“Your little friend told me, you and I would get along. He wasn’t wrong, Bub,” the man said as he tugged on his dress pants until his cock fell out, rubbing against y/n’s thigh.
“What did that bastard tell you?” Y/n asked, trying to control her whine as the man kept nibbling on her neck. He was hungry for the young lady and wasn’t afraid to show it.
“Said you’re a hard ass just like me. Can’t listen, do what you want, cuss like a sailor, and need a man to match your energy,”
“Said you’d scare anyone off, but wouldn’t be able to scare me. Seems like you need me as much as I need you,”
Logan pulled Y/n’s panties to the side so he could push at her entrance. “Augh, shit,” the man grunted, feeling the woman grip him instantly.
Y/n’s legs wrapped around the man, tightening to pull him into her so his cock could fill her fast. “Fuck, y/n,” the man was shocked at how much she wanted this too.
“Alright, Bub, I got some rules for ya,” the man said as he leaned up, cock still in her, stroking slowly. “I don’t want you treatin’ no one with respect. You walk around how I dress you, and make it know you’re with me,”
Y/n traced her hands all over the man’s upper body, even his arms as she listened with lustful eyes.
“Gonna need you to stay close to me. Needa keep safe and on my lap, mhkay? Needa keeps my hands on you,” the animal had slipped from Logan. He’d never felt like this before, but the need to claim her all around was no question after he felt her walls clamp onto him.
“All fuckin’ mine, and I know I said Ian a bad guy, but if someone pisses you off or makes you emotional in any kind of way — I swear to god, I’ll separate their head from their body,”
Logan had leaned close to Y/n’s face, allowing her to grab his cheeks and rub at them.
“Need my girl happy. Need her to look good every second of the day. I know you regenerate, but you need me, baby. You need me to protect you from whatever’s out there,”
“Please take care of me,” y/n said, knowing he meant every word he said. He was claiming her now and will claim her any other chance he can.
After she came into his mansion, acting recklessly, he knew he had to keep her in check and close. There are not many people like them, and no one deserves them. No one deserves her. Only he deserves her, and no one can tell him otherwise.
#logan howlett x fem!reader#logan howlett xmen#logan howlett x reader#logan howlet smut#logan howlett x you#logan howlett smut#dark!logan howlett#dom!logan howlett#james howlett x you#james howlett x reader#james howlett smut#dark!james howlett#dom!james howlett#the worst logan x reader#wolverine x female reader#wolverin smut#wolverine x you#wolverine xmen#wolverine x men#wolverine#wolverine x reader#wolverine smut#james howlett#hugh jackman x you#hugh jackman x reader#hugh jackman smut#hugh jackman#dark!wolverine#dom!wolverine#x men smut
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Just Friends
Jack Hughes x Best Friend!Reader
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/32deafea7e38a8881bbcc6e72984c757/4bd4a8542ea14e73-f8/s540x810/d01b479873d889b9c315490870476166aa8b96ce.jpg)
summary: You’ve been best friends with Jack for ages. He’s also been in love with you for ages, but he’s got that completely under control. Really, he does. Right? 5.2k words
warnings: alcohol/intoxication, non graphic mentions of surgery/blood/stitches, hospital stay, reference to Jack’s shoulder surgery :(
Jack finds you in his apartment kitchen, a black tie in his hand. He’s already dressed in his suit pants and shirt, and for once, he feels like hair looks almost presentable. You take the tie from him without a word, and you loop it around his neck, underneath the collar of his shirt. Meanwhile, he grabs your necklace off the counter and fiddles with the clasp.
You hum to yourself as you start to tie the tie. “Ready for the game today?”
He shrugs. “I’m always ready.”
Luke is there, too, shoveling cereal into his mouth and watching the two of you warily. As you loop the tie around your fingers, Jack slips the necklace around your neck, your skin soft under his fingers. He latches it, blindly, with expert precision, muscle memory. He’s done it a million times now.
You tug the tie into place and then smooth it out on his chest. He hasn’t put his jacket on yet, but you’ll fix the lapels of it, too. You take a half a step back and give him a once over. He stands, waiting for your approval with his breath held in his chest. It shouldn’t mean this much, you making sure he looks good, but it does. You reach up and tuck a lock of hair back into place atop his head, and he smiles happily.
“All good,” you say, dusting your hands together as if you’ve just finished a hard day’s work.
Jack squints at your face, spotting something, and he brings a finger up to brush against your cheekbone. “Eyelash,” he explains, and you hum, closing your eyes as he brushes it away. “Got it.”
“Thanks,” you murmur. “Come on, don’t wanna be late. And no cereal in the car, Luke.”
Jack rushes off to grab his jacket. When he comes back, Luke is dumping the last of his cereal into the sink, and Jack grimaces. You’re in the hallway, stepping into a pair of shoes. Luke turns to him with a smirk, and Jack shakes his head before his brother can even open his mouth.
“Don’t,” he whispers.
Luke rolls his eyes. “I just think you guys are-“
“You thinking is dangerous,” Jack says. “Save all that energy for the game.”
He walks away, down the hallway to find you. You reach up to fix his jacket for him, and then you reach for the car keys and hand them off to him. He grins and nudges his elbow against your side.
“You’re such a passenger princess,” he teases.
You shrug. “I’m very good at it!”
He’s not complaining, really. There’s nobody he’d rather see in his passenger seat than you. Your jersey hangs proudly from your shoulders, his name and number on the back, and it makes his chest feel warm. You’re his good luck charm. He just hasn’t told you that yet.
…..
Jack’s spent so much time convincing his brothers and his teammates and his parents that he’s not in love with you, that he can’t pinpoint when it actually happened. He’s not sure there was some big moment, some realization, some day where he looked at you and everything changed. You’ve just been so present in his life that maybe it was a sort of gradual thing. Maybe it’s always been there, and he’s been in denial since he was eleven and Quinn was teasing him on the playground near their house.
Now you’re in New York, closer than you have been in years, both distance wise and friendship wise. You have season tickets, because he’s playing in the NHL and he wants you at every game possible. You spend half your nights at his place when he’s home, and he ignores the funny looks Luke gives him about it. Honestly, he’s a bit tired of denying it all. He thinks maybe if someone just asked point blank he’d let it all spill out.
He reads the text from you and smiles- you’re on your way to the Rock, one of your friends in tow. He’d gotten you two seats for the season, so you wouldn’t have to sit alone. He sort of dreads the day you decide to bring a date, but then he wonders what guy would be stupid enough to go along with that. Jack’s cocky, he’ll admit it. He knows he’s good at hockey. He laughs at the thought of you dragging a date along to see him play.
Someone announces they’re ordering food before the game, from the deli down the street. Jack listens as his teammates put in their orders. Luke goes with his usual. Timo changes things up. When the assistant gets to him, he grins. He orders his go to, and then another, and asks for a can of Coke, too, for good measure. Luke gives a knowing roll of his eyes.
When the guy brings the food in, Jack takes his bag, fishes his sandwich out of it, and hands the other sandwich and the can of Coke back. “Can you get this to seat B322?” He asks, grinning widely. He knows your seat number by heart.
Luke sighs heavily next to him. The guy agrees, of course. Nico, who’s standing nearby, cocks his head in confusion.
“She’s coming straight from work,” Jack defends. The ribbing he gets from the guys will be worth it when he sees you after the game. “She’s gonna be hungry.”
“It’s a hockey arena,” Luke says drily. “There’s so much food here.”
“But she loves Krauszer’s,” Jack says, and Nico rolls his eyes. “What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t order her some?”
“Friend,” Nico says, drawing out the word. “Sure.”
Jack ignores him. He ignores Luke’s smirk, too. He eats his sandwich and finishes getting ready, and then he heads out onto the ice, knowing you’re there somewhere, probably sipping on a can of Coke.
…..
The issue, Jack finds, is that it’s getting harder to ignore the fact that he’s in love with you.
It was easier, before, when you were younger and he was more dumb and less aware of… everything. He could convince himself it was just puppy love, just absence making the heart grow fonder, when post high school saw the two of you split apart. But now you’re here, close, and yet not close enough. Jack wants more, and he can’t really ignore that feeling these days.
He’s out at a bar, team bonding, as Nico put it. Except that half the team is drunk, including Nico, and the only bonding Jack’s doing is the brotherly kind, trying to keep Luke from sneaking drinks, or worse, getting caught sneaking drinks. Sometimes he hates being an older brother. He’d wanted to come out, maybe talk to a girl, maybe take said girl home, or get her to take him back to her place so he wouldn’t have to worry about Luke overhearing. But it’s not really working, not with Nico hanging off his shoulder like a leech and Luke sneaking another shot, and god, Jack’s going to kill him. If you were here, you’d be keeping an eye on Luke, too. He wishes you were here.
He has a shot to take the edge of the annoyance off. Then he has another, and another, and then there’s a girl across the bar, smiling at him, and- she sort of looks like you, is the thing, but not quite. The sort of uncanny valley of it all is freaking him out. For a moment he wonders if hooking up with her would make it better- would get it out of his system, would scratch the itch. The sane, more sober part of him thinks it might just make it all worse. To have some girl under him and hear a voice that isn’t yours. Jack used to do this all the time. The thought of it makes him feel sick now. That’s new.
He downs another shot and passes his leech of a captain off on his problem of a brother, hoping the two of them will keep each other in line. Then he pulls his phone from his pocket and gets an Uber.
It’s only when he’s standing at your apartment door that he realizes he probably should’ve called first. You might already be asleep. You might be out. Maybe you have a guy over. His stomach does a somersault at the thought. He raises his hand to knock anyways- he’s come all this way.
You open the door with a smile on your face. “Nico called to ask if I knew where you went. Thought you might be headed here.”
Jack lets his shoulders drop. “They were annoying me.”
That’s not the real reason he left, but he can’t exactly tell you he saw the uncanny valley version of you and decided to leave. That would be… a lot. You seem to take his answer as the truth, because Luke is annoying on a night out, and Nico can be, too. Jack still probably should’ve told them he was leaving. He’ll get an earful about it. Oh well. The way you step aside to let him into your apartment makes it worth it.
He heads for the couch, and you laugh when he flops onto it, facedown. He likes your laugh. It sounds so much like you. He remembers the years when you were in college and he was far, far away from you, when he’d crack jokes on the phone calls just to hear you giggle. He presses his face into a pillow and hopes you don’t see the blush on his cheeks, or that you’ll attribute it to his drunkenness.
“Want food?” You call out, from the kitchen, he thinks. He groans loudly in response. “I have mozz sticks.”
He turns his head to the side and says, “fuck, I love you.”
He can say it here, in the comfort and privacy of your living room, in the relative safeness of the fact that he’s been drinking. You won’t think anything of it. You won’t realize how much he really means it.
The sound of your laugh is music to his ears. “Love you too, Rowdy.”
You don’t mean it the way he wants you to. That’s okay. He came to terms with that a while ago, listening to you say it over staticky phone calls. But you’ll make him mozzarella sticks, and you’re not upset that he’s here, so he’ll take it. He’ll take anything, really.
You come into the living room a few minutes later, plate full of food in hand, and make him roll over. He sits up slightly, leaning against the arm of the couch, and you lift his legs to sit under them. He doesn’t complain when you turn on some stupid reality tv show he hates- there are mozzarella sticks for him to eat, and the warmth of you under him, the weight of your arm where it’s draped across his calves. He can put up with the host’s annoying voice for this.
He falls asleep on your couch, half a mozz stick in his hand. When he wakes up, he’s tucked in with the quilt you’ve had for years now, a pillow under his head, and water waiting for him on the coffee table. You’re probably at work by now. He’ll send you a text to say thank you, later, unless he decides to just wait here until you come home. That doesn’t sound like such a bad idea, really.
…..
It’s a Saturday, and Luke is out for lunch with some of the other younger players, so Jack’s fending for himself. Trevor, knowing this due to what he would call their cosmic connection, has seen it as an opportunity to talk Jack’s ear off over FaceTime. Jack has his phone propped on the kitchen counter, half listening as he cooks.
He loves Trevor- really, he does, but the guy could talk for hours upon hours and never run out of things to say. Jack lets him, because he knows Trevor likes talking, so he’s not going to be mean. He just chimes in with noises of agreement or disagreement at the right times. Then Trevor says your name, and he zones back in.
“I fucking knew you weren’t listening!” Trevor cackles, wide grin taking up most of the phone screen. “But the second I mention-“
“Shut up,” Jack groans, rolling his eyes. “I’m listening. I’m just also making lunch.”
“Right, right,” Trevor snarks. “Just for you?”
Jack knows what he’s insinuating. Honestly, as much as he hates to admit it, it’s not a bad idea. You’re not working today, and he could probably convince you to come hang out with him in exchange for free food. He’s bored enough to listen to Trevor go on and on. You could save him from it.
“Yeah,” he says, and immediately contradicts himself by picking up his phone and sending you a text.
He tries to listen this time, he really does. He cares about Trevor, he wants to hear what he has to say. He finishes cooking lunch, and then Trevor has to go, shouting something to someone in the background, and he hangs up. Jack sighs at the empty, quiet room. He thinks about texting Luke to see when he’ll be back, but that feels pathetic. Maybe Nico’s not busy.
His heart leaps when his phone buzzes with a text from you.
Lunch sounds good. I’ll be over soon.
He can’t wipe the grin off his face the whole rest of the day. You come over, and eat the rest of the food happily, sitting at the kitchen counter. He watches fondly and tells you all the drama Trevor just told him- screw you, Zegras, he was listening. You smile brightly up at him.
“Got plans for the rest of the day?” He asks, hoping desperately that you don’t.
You shrug. “Nope. I’m all yours.”
God, he wishes.
…..
Jack thinks that maybe, just maybe, he can’t really be blamed when it all comes crashing down on a Wednesday afternoon in April. It’s been coming for a while. He’s had time to prepare. It shouldn’t take him out the way it does, because he’s seen it coming from miles away. It shouldn’t, but it does anyways.
They pull him from the games and finally, finally, ship him off to Colorado to have surgery. He gets an email with the flight information, another with a hotel to stay in the night before, and instructions on how to book his flight back to Jersey after he’s released. They don’t want to book it now, for fear of something going wrong in surgery. Hockey teams are superstitious like that, even their travel management.
There’s another set of emails, too- ones from the surgeon, about his prep and things he needs to do and bring and what to expect from the healing process. He hasn’t bothered to open it. That’ll make it real. He just packs up some of his clothes, shuts himself in his room, and waits. He ignores Luke, then he ignores Nico, who he’s sure Luke has brought over. He ignores Quinn’s phone calls, too, and everyone else’s.
When you show up, though, knocking on his bedroom door and calling out his name, he can’t ignore it. He makes a noise that isn’t a go away, and you take it as an invitation in, which he supposes it was. You make a soft noise of disapproval when you see him, curled up in his bed, hood pulled up around his head to block out the world.
“Hey, J,” you murmur, padding your way across his bedroom. “What’s going on?”
He sniffles and presses his face into the mattress. “The surgery.”
You sigh and sit down on the edge of his bed. “Yeah.”
Jack’s not afraid of having surgery, really. He’s never been very squeamish, never one to shy away from blood draws or stitches or IVs. You know this. Everyone knows it, which is probably why they’re all so worried about his reaction to this. He doesn’t want to admit it really, but it’s you, so he finds the words slipping past his lips.
“Mom can’t come,” he says, voice raw and scraping. “Or dad. Too short notice. And- and Luke and Nico and Quinn are gonna be busy, obviously, and I just… all this talk about surgery all this time and I didn’t think I’d have to do it alone, you know? It couldn’t wait till after the season so I could-“
He breaks off into an embarrassing, breath stealing sob. You make a soothing little noise and lean down next to him, scooping him up into your arms. It sort of helps and sort of makes it worse. The tears flow freely now. It’s just you. All his walls are down.
“You won’t be by yourself, Jack,” you murmur, and he waits for the reassuring words, that you’ll all be with him in spirit, that he’ll be home in no time, that he’s never alone. Instead, you say, “I took some time off. I’m gonna fly out with you, be there for the surgery.”
He pries one eye open, waiting for the punch line. There isn’t one. Just you, watching him carefully, holding him close. He knows how hard it is for you to get time off right now. It’s your busy season at work. And yet, here you are. Tears start running again. The whole world goes blurry. You just brush them away, one by one.
“Oh, honey,” you soothe, voice low and soft. “You didn’t think I’d let you do it alone, did you?”
God, he loves you. And he thinks this might be the final straw, the last puzzle piece. There’s no denying it now. You brush stray hairs from his face and press warm kisses to his forehead while he admits that he’s scared, not of the surgery but of what comes after, of the healing and the rehab and everything involved in it. You draw soothing patterns on his skin and just listen, because you know him well enough to know he needs to get it off his chest. He thinks about telling you how much he loves you as he starts to drift off, but he thinks better of it. There’ll be a better time than this, tear stained and curled up in his bed like a little kid. For now, it’s enough to know you love him, in any way, shape, or form.
…..
Jack wakes up in a hospital bed in Vail, Colorado, utterly disoriented and freezing cold. The ceiling is this ugly grey color, just like the rest of the ceilings in the building have been. He’s spent a lot of time staring at them in the last 24 hours. He blinks, and the tiles blur and swirl, and he hears his name in your voice. He tries to hold on, but he’s so, so sleepy, so he closes his eyes.
He wakes up again with no idea how long he’s been out. He’s warmer now. There’s an extra blanket laid over him, and a hand holding his. Hm. It feels nice. He squeezes his fingers experimentally. He hears movement to his left. A plastic cup appears in his field of vision, and he suddenly realizes how thirsty he is. He turns, slightly, and finds you.
“You’re here,” he says, quietly.
Your face is a little out of focus, but he thinks you smile. “Yeah, of course I am. Told you I would be.”
He knows that. He knows you flew out here with him, eating snacks on the plane before he hit the 12 hours before surgery mark and he had to stop. You checked into the hotel with him, got all the supplies ready for after the surgery, got him here, promised you’d be waiting when he woke up. But now he’s here, post surgery, and you’re holding his hand, and his chest hurts in the best way.
“Hey, hey, don’t cry,” you murmur, lifting the cup to his lips. He takes a sip. “Does it hurt?”
He shakes his head gingerly. He’s a little achy, but nothing that would make him cry normally. He can’t help it, it’s probably the meds. He remembers crying when he got his wisdom teeth out, too. He tries to tell you as much, but it comes out garbled and teary and raw. You shush him, smoothing your hand over his forehead and pushing his hair out of his face. That feels nice. You’re warm.
“Okay. It’s okay,” you soothe. “Take a breath. It’s alright.”
He does his best. You help him take little sips of water, and eventually the tears dry up. He’s left sitting there, your hand running through his hair, and he suddenly feels so, so sleepy. He turns his head and blinks at you. You’re clear in his vision now, beautiful as ever.
“You’re pretty,” he mumbles.
He thinks it all the time, he may as well say it. Nothing’s holding him back now. You laugh, and your face gets blurry again. He sighs.
“You’re pretty,” you say back.
He rolls his eyes, but he smiles anyways. “Hmm.”
“Are you sleepy?” You ask, thumb brushing against his temple. He nods. “You can go to sleep, okay?”
“You’ll be here when I wake up?” He asks, feeling a little vulnerable, suddenly.
“Yeah, Jacky,” you murmur, and when he closes his eyes, he thinks he feels your lips against his temple. “I’m not going anywhere.”
The third time he wakes up, you’re sitting next to him, eating ice cream out of a little plastic cup with one of the tiny wooden spoons. The tv in the room is playing that same stupid reality show. The host’s voice would piss him off if he wasn’t so focused on how adorable you look. He inches the fingers of his good hand towards you, towards where your knee is pressed against his bed. When he makes contact, you jump nearly a foot in the air. He can’t help but giggle.
“Jesus,” you mutter, shaking your head at him.
“Nah, just Jack,” he teases.
You roll your eyes. “Someone’s feeling better.”
If he’s being honest, he still feels a little loopy. Your face is in focus, but everything feels a little softer around the edges. His fingers scramble against your knee, and you laugh, leaning close. You set down the ice cream and reach to tangle your hand up in his. That’s nice. He doesn’t get to do that a lot- hold your hand. Maybe he should have surgery more often. You smooth his hair out of his face again. It’s such a caring motion that it sends his heart stuttering.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he says, quietly.
You shrug. “What kind of best friend would I be if I wasn’t?”
And. That’s nice, but it’s not really what he wants to hear. He wants you to be here because you love him. He probably wouldn’t spend hours in a hospital waiting room for Nico, probably wouldn’t sit and wait for him to wake up. He’d bring him food after, when he got home, would help him however he needed. But to fly halfway across the country just to be here? He’d do that for you in a heartbeat, but he’s not sure there are many others he’d do the same for.
You seem to notice the way he’s staring, and you wave the wooden spoon at him. “You want some ice cream? The nurse said to call when you actually woke up. I’m sure she’ll give you one if you turn on the charm.”
He blinks slowly. “I love you, you know that?”
It’s past his lips before he can take it back. It should be terrifying. He should feel sick to his stomach. Maybe it’s the hospital drugs, or maybe it’s just that he’s been holding it in for so long, but it doesn’t feel scary. He sort of just feels relieved.
You smile brightly. “Yeah, I love you, too, Jack.”
He huffs. “No, you don’t get it-“
Before he can get another word out, the nurse comes in. He wonders if you pressed the button when he wasn’t paying attention, or if hospital staff just have comically bad timing. He lets out a groan. You give him an amused smile.
“Welcome back, Jack,” the nurse says. He reads her nametag- Nancy. “I’m just going to do a little checkup, alright?” She turns to you. “If you want, you can step out into the hall.”
By the time he’s squeezing your hand to keep you there, you’re holding onto him tightly, too. Huh. That’s interesting.
“She can stay,” Jack says.
You nod. So does Nancy, a knowing smile on her lips. Jack wonders if she sees this a lot. Guys with friends who sit by their bed, oblivious to the fact that said guy is hopelessly in love with them. Maybe it’s a common thing in hospitals. Maybe it’s not just Jack. That’s a nice thought.
He gets his blood pressure taken, and his pulse, and he gets asked to take a few deep breaths for what seems to be just the fun of it. She asks his pain level- a 3, at which point you break in and tell the nurse that his three is more like a five. She smiles at the two of you. When she goes to leave, Jack speaks up.
“Could I have some ice cream?” He asks, hoping the way his voice cracks on the words makes her sympathetic.
Ice cream does sound good. His throat feels raw, and his mouth is dry. And he’s starving.
Nurse Nancy smiles and looks at you. “What do you think? Has he been well behaved enough?”
Normally, Jack would take a little offense to it. But he turns to you, and you’re smiling bright, lighting up the whole room. His stomach does a somersault. He wonders if the way he feels about you is visible on the heart monitor, if his pulse picks up every time he looks at you.
“He’s the best,” you answer, and he melts. “Give him all the ice cream you’ve got.”
Ten minutes later, you sit there, holding a container of chocolate vanilla swirl. He’d been ready to eat it on his own until he remembered his arm, the surgery, the whole reason he’s here. He’d had to settle for letting you feed it to him. Maybe settle is the wrong word, really. It’s nice to be taken care of, even nicer when you’re the one who’s doing it for him.
He thinks maybe he’s still loopy, because in between bites, he pauses, looks at you, opens his mouth, and puts his foot directly in it. “I meant it, you know. I love you.”
You nod. “I know.”
He’s too far into this to stop now. “No, I-“
You interrupt, dropping the spoon in the cup to place your hand over his. “Jack, honey. Tell me later, when you’re not high off anesthesia, okay?”
Oh. He cocks his head, slightly. His mouth tastes like chocolate and vanilla. You smell like flowers. Like the lilacs in the backyard of his childhood home. There’s a light and warmth in your eyes that makes everything feel a little bit better.
“And if I tell you later,” he says, feeling braver than he ever has before, “are you gonna tell me something back?”
You laugh. It’s still music to his ears. You pick up the spoon again, scooping up a bit of ice cream. His gaze stays locked on you.
“Yeah,” you say with a nod. “That I mean it the same way you mean it.”
That’s enough for Jack, for now.
He tells you again the next day, waits a full 24 hours because a part of him is worried it was all some sort of drug induced dream. But you’re packing up the suitcases, that same stupid show on the TV, and he turns to you where he sits on the edge of the bed and says it.
“I love you. Like, really love you. As more than a friend.” His heart is in his throat.
You drop the hoodie you’d been holding into the bag, walk across the room to him, and come to stand between his legs. He’s holding his breath. You hook your finger under his chin and pull his face to yours. He thinks he recognizes the look on your face, from the kitchen when you helped him tie his tie, from the living room with a plate of mozzarella sticks in your hand, from every moment he was feeling all his feelings for you.
“Yeah,” you say, kissing his cheek. “I really love you too.”
When you kiss him on the lips, soft and sweet and everything he’s wanted for ages now, he thinks that maybe the whole mess has been worth it.
…..
He sits in a wooden chair on the back deck of the lake house. It’s mid summer, the week of the 4th of July. The heat is nearly unbearable, heavy and sticky and inescapable. Trevor and Luke are on the grass, throwing a football back and forth. Jack’s trying not to check the time obsessively.
Quinn, who’s sitting next to him, gives him a look when he picks up his phone again. “She’ll get here when she gets here.”
Jack rolls his eyes and sinks further into his seat. “You’re a dick.”
“Jesus, I know she’s your friend but…” Quinn is shaking his head. “You’re being obsessive.”
He hasn’t told any of them. Not about the hospital bed confession, or the kiss, or anything that came after it. The flight back to Jersey, his head on your shoulder. The way you took care of him before he flew to Michigan for the off season. The late night calls the two of you have shared since then. He’s itching to see you. It’s been far too long. He’s been scared to tell them because he’s scared you’ll get here and it won’t be real. He’s being ridiculous, he knows it, but he can’t help it. It’s you.
He hears it when your car pulls up in the driveway. He stands up, ignoring the look Quinn gives him. He’s not quick enough- you must’ve parked and ran inside immediately. You come racing out onto the back porch, eyes wide, smile even wider, and he could melt into a puddle right there in the hot summer sun. You’re brighter than all of it.
He pulls you into a kiss right there, in front of everyone, earning a series of surprised yelps and gasps and cheers. He doesn’t care about anything else. You’re here, and you’re kissing him back, and that’s more than enough.
“Fucking called it!” Trevor yells, and Jack laughs.
“We all did,” Quinn says. “Glad you two finally figured it out.”
You won’t be here forever. You have work, and a life in the city. But for now, for this little slice of time, he gets to have everything he’s always wanted. That’ll hold him over for the rest of the off season. Or, more likely, until he caves in and gets an early flight back to Jersey to spend more time with you. From the way you smile when you stare up at him, he thinks it probably won’t be long.
a/n: thanks for reading! have been wanting to write about Jack for a bit & he’s just so best friends to lovers coded. so here we go!
#jack hughes x reader#jack Hughes x you#Jack Hughes fic#jack Hughes fanfic#Jack Hughes fluff#Jack Hughes fanfiction#jack Hughes imagine#nhl fic#nhl fanfic#hockey fic#honey writes#jh86
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birthday boy
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/e658574b2e2364aa5348886d97b759ae/d1c29e2936eb54c7-65/s540x810/3050a14127547ed46ea53f61365a52dc52ed966f.jpg)
Summary: how the jjk men have birthday sex (p.s. it's their bday)
Pairings: jjk men x fem!reader
Warnings: nsfw, sexual content, morning sex, missionary, oral (giving and receiving)
a/n: i wrote this a while ago for gojo’s bday but never got around to posting it…let’s pretend it’s still his bday
Satoru Gojo
He's a light sleeper so he ends up waking up when you press a soft kiss to his forehead in the morning. With a sheepish smile, he wakes up, his eyes hardly opening.
You wish him a happy birthday, kissing his lips.
He deepens the kiss, lazily throwing an arm around you and before you know it, you’re having sex first thing in the morning.
“-Toru—I had a whole morning planned—ah—I was going to make you breakfast before I gave you your present—it’s why I woke up so early.”
His fingers dig into the flesh of your waist, his breaths shallow and his strokes deep. His blue eyes flick up to your face, watching you struggle to take his cock. He can’t help but crack a crooked smile, his snowy hair falling over his forehead.
“Baby, you’re so cute—thinking I need anything else when I’ve got you.”
The smooth talker he is, you don’t even bother arguing as he flips you over, getting on top.
He beams at you brightly before kissing your lips, “Best gift I could’ve asked for.”
Suguru Geto
He comes to pick you up for “dinner” which is actually a surprise party you and his friends had planned. Your plans go up in smoke when he sees you in that dress he likes.
You barely make it past a “Happy Birthday” before he’s inside your apartment and shoving the door closed behind him. All the while, he wears a smug smirk, seemingly unsuspecting.
Except you know him all too well, already knowing what was going on in his head.
His lips are on yours and he’s groping at you like he’s never touched you before—or that he’ll never get the opportunity to ever again.
You giggle, “Suguru—we have to go—we have a reservation.”
“The reservation can wait,” the reservation being all your friends waiting for the birthday boy to arrive.
You don’t even argue any further before he has you pressed up against the wall, hand slithering up your thighs to drag your underwear off.
Next thing you know, he’s got your legs wrapped around his waist as he’s ploughing his cock in and out of you.
“Can’t believe you were gonna keep me waiting all night for my present.”
“I was—was gonna make you—work for—for it,” you gasp, feeling the tip of his dick prod deeper inside you.
“On my birthday, too?” he scoffs jokingly, pressing his forehead against yours. “Baby, you’re breaking my heart.”
You claw at his shoulders, gasping for air before your arms wrap around his neck. You bury your face in his shoulder, ignoring the constant notification pings coming from your expectant friends.
Kento Nanami
He’s the type of guy to go about it in a classy way.
He insists on taking you out on his birthday.
When the two of you come back home, you let him unwrap his present (you in a brand new lingerie set).
He’s very tender and gentle with you most the time but on his day, he lets YOU take care of him.
He groans as quietly as possible as you trail soft kisses down his neck, unbuttoning his shirt before kissing down his muscly chest. You work to unbuckle his pants, his eyes growing hazy with desire.
He tips his head back as you finally wrap your lips around his cock, flicking your tongue over the tip. Your hand wraps around his dick from the base, sliding it up and down his length. And he can’t help but buck his hips into your hold.
When you pull your mouth off, a desperate whimper escapes him as he flicks his gaze back down to you.
“Happy birthday, baby” you smile.
Toji Fushiguro
He has you on your back, face buried between your legs while his large hands grasping your thighs enough to bloom everlasting bruises on them.
He can’t help but grin when he pulls whine after whine from you.
Birthdays were never a big deal to him. Why should anyone care so much about getting older? It only reminded him that he was yet another year older than you.
But when you’d treat the day like it was a special occasion—getting all giddy to make him dinner and get dolled up in that lacy dress he loved, kissing him a little extra too, he was so fucking happy to have been born after all.
And no way in hell was he going to pass up the opportunity to unwrap his present after dinner.
He pulls your hands away from your face, “Don’t hide that pretty face from me, wanna hear you scream my name, baby.”
He nearly melts when you whimper, your chest heaving in heavy breaths as your eyes met his.
He lowers himself again, his fingers spreading your folds, his tongue flicking over your clit as you screamed out his name just as he asked.
“There you go, pretty girl,” he chuckles, eating you out because he prefers that over cutting a piece of damn cake on his birthday.
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SOMETHIN' STUPID || VIKTOR
pairing: viktor (arcane)/fem!reader additional tags: viktor's pov, viktor is a certified yearner, maybe ooc, unrequited love that's actually requited, no physical descriptions for reader other than having dainty fingers and being shorter than viktor, hopefully correct use of czech pet names, barely proofread synopsis: the ever-brilliant viktor finds himself drowning in feelings for his colleague, so what does he do? bury them, of course.... until he learns that love is not something you can just ignore.
author's note: hello everyone! it's been a long, long while since i've written anything so i thought i would try and see if the ol' writing machine (aka my brain) still works lol. this is more of a blurb than anything so please go easy on me. also trying out something new by writing in present tense (lmk if it flows well!) viktor might be a little ooc but i'm still trying to fully understand him. hopefully my characterization of him in future fics (if any) will be more faithful to the viktor you're all familiar with. anyways, enjoy 2k words of viktor yearning like CRAZY 🫶🏼
Viktor doesn’t know how much more of this he can take. How many more times would your eyes meet from across the room at one of those parties he never really wanted to attend in the first place? How many more times would your fingers brush in the early morning, when he accepts the steaming sweetmilk that you so kindly got for him? How many more times would your laughter intermingle softly late into the night, when exhaustion took over and your writing started to look more like chicken scratch rather than letters?
He might just go insane.
How was it possible to want someone this much? Maybe he’s experienced something like this before, in tiny amounts, for people he hasn’t thought about in years. Deep down, he knows that even if he added all of those fleeting romances together, it would still only be a fraction of what he feels now. For you.
He can’t pinpoint that exact moment in time when everything changed. There were definitely a few of those moments that stood out more than others, but none of those instances were the catalyst for whatever this is. But they certainly don’t help his case.
A few words of encouragement.
A book recommendation.
A smile— so soft, so intimate, he briefly allows himself to believe that it was meant just for him. Something precious for him to keep, to be his and his alone.
In the dim light of the lab, he finds you asleep on your desk. The humming glow of the hex crystals leaves you blanketed in a gentle blue. He’s heard tales of this before, from when he bothered to listen to such things. It would happen just like this, they said: his heart would beat so fast, it threatened to leave his chest entirely. His skin would burn with something unmistakable, a feeling that left one in a state of simultaneous confusion and clarity.
He feels it all now and he finds it polarizing. It’s too much and not enough. He chases and runs away from it at the same time. A part of him wants it to stop, to go away and leave him forever for the sake of ending this game he’s painfully losing… but a greater part of him hopes that it will grow and grow to the point where maybe you’ll notice and do something about it. His palms get a little sweaty just thinking about making the first move. Symptoms of a lovesick fool.
The soft sound of your breathing quiets the pounding of his heart, prevents the wretched feelings from overflowing and spilling everywhere. Even if it was just for tonight. Tonight, he keeps his lips sealed, fights to keep himself from reaching for you. It would be unbecoming of him.
His eyes land on you again, observing how your head rested on your arms. Understanding hits him then, why you’re so bothered by seeing him stay at the lab so late that he ends up falling asleep. That position couldn’t have been comfortable. Of course, he knew that from experience, but it’s your comfort he’s thinking about right now. He wonders if this is what you felt whenever you woke him up and implored him to go home.
Surely not.
No, he can’t wrap his head around you possibly viewing that act the same way he does. Not when he wants to bottle this moment, wants to capture the preciousness of seeing you like this. It just can’t be the same.
So can you really blame him if when he finally rests a hand on your shoulder to wake you gently, he lets it linger there for just a little longer? An infinitesimal piece of time that he claims for himself. He never thought himself to be the sentimental type, but he cherishes it all: he cherishes the way you blink slowly as you returned to the waking world, and your tired murmur of his name that makes his chest tighten.
It’s just a wisp of a moment, never really tangible enough for him to hold in his hands, but he cherishes it all the same. It’s burned in his memory, in his very being, the same way everything else about you is. Every piece of you that you so generously gifted him.
“You should go home, darling.”
The word slips past his lips before he could even think about it. But he allows himself this one indulgence. He can’t help it. He’s always been a bit greedy.
“What time is it?” you ask.
“Far too late for you to be here,” he answers.
You huff out a breath of a laugh, “That’s rich coming from you.”
He finds himself smiling. How does someone manage to be so endlessly endearing without even trying?
It takes an embarrassing amount of effort for him to pull back his hand from your shoulder. Had you been more awake and had the room been brighter, he might’ve schooled his expression into something more neutral. Something to hide the unbridled adoration in his eyes. He doesn’t do that now. With the shield of darkness to protect him, he lets the mask come off. He lets his affection for you wash over him in waves. It would’ve been liberating, if it wasn’t for the tiny detail that that affection was unrequited.
Still, he says your name with utmost care. “You must go home and rest.”
To his surprise, you listen. You mumble a tired "okay” and gather your belongings, slipping on your coat. “You should go home, too, Vik.”
“I will. Soon. I just need to finish a few things.”
Your face twists into a frown, “No, you’ll do that tomorrow.” Before he can interject, you speak up again, “Just… come with me? It’s late and I don’t want to walk home alone.”
His brain refuses to reconcile with what his eyes see: the trepidation written all over your features, the way you clutch the lapel of your coat just a little tighter. He knows it’s a trap, you just want to get him out of the lab but how could he possibly reject the promise of a few more minutes with you? The chance to pretend, even if it’s just for those precious few minutes, that he was taking you home as someone more than a colleague? More than a friend? Only a fool would say no to you. Or perhaps he was a fool either way. He really must be going insane.
He says yes almost instantly.
It’s cold in Piltover tonight. It makes his bad leg ache more than it already does, and so his strides are a bit more careful. He doesn’t say anything about how you also slow down to match his pace but he appreciates your considerate gesture nonetheless.
The moon hangs in the sky big and bright, making everything around you seem softer. It’s picturesque. Almost romantic. He tries his best not to entertain that thought for much longer. Instead, he focuses on what you say to him so he could ignore the traitorous thoughts his mind conjures up and the way his knees were protesting because of the cold.
Conversation with you is easy— terrifyingly so. It was one of the first things he noticed about you when you first met.
Early on in the process of finding sponsors and securing funding, him and Jayce quickly realized that they needed help. Yes, Jayce is a friend of the Kiramman family. Yes, Viktor is Heimerdinger’s protégé, but they’re academics. At the end of the day, Jayce’s warm personality could only do so much when he was still greatly inexperienced with navigating these more political spaces and for all of his experience and perceptiveness, Viktor knows he’s no good at sweet-talking sponsors, either.
Enter, you.
Caitlyn Kiramman was the one to recommend you, her former tutor. Jayce was quick to back her up, remembering that you were also Academy alumni; a particularly strategic businesswoman. Viktor was hesitant at first, knowing that a third party could complicate things. Hextech was born out of the dream to help people. He worried that bringing business and politics (even though he knew it was necessary) into the mix would warp Hextech into something it wasn’t. Jayce convinced him to take a gamble, and it seemed that the potential of Hextech was enough to bring you back to Piltover from your travels across Runeterra.
It took him a while to warm up to you. You weren’t nobility, but most definitely well-off. Even more so after your years as a business consultant to organizations all over the continent. He respected you, sure, but Viktor had a hard time trusting someone who was so… privileged. How could you possibly understand how important it was that Hextech remained a beacon of hope for the less fortunate? Perhaps it was naive of him to think that way, as much as he hated to admit it.
But true to your reputation, you delivered exactly what they needed. You bridged the gap between Viktor and Jayce’s hopes for Hextech and the support they needed from sponsors, protecting them and their inventions from being taken advantage of.
Suffice to say, you earned his admiration.
Never in a million years would Viktor imagine that you would captivate his entire being, too.
It was daunting. Scary, really. Especially now that he’s beginning to understand the full extent of his affections. Years and years of burying that softness from his youth deep beneath the armor of his intellect— all that hard work diminished by a pretty girl. Gods, he really is just a man. Not even that. With you, he feels like a highschooler with a crush. It’s painful. Downright humiliating. But he wouldn’t trade it for anything. Not when you link your arm around his, laughing at something he said. Was he really that funny? Probably not. He’s just happy to make you laugh.
“You don’t have to be nice about it. Salo is a grade-A asshole,” you grinned. “We both know it. If I have to spend another dinner with him present I might actually stab a fork in my eyes.”
He smiles, “Ah, but that wouldn’t save you from his incessant chatter.”
“I’ll stab the fork into my ears too."
“I might just follow after you,” he hums, “you’ll have to check if it works first, though.”
Your friendship blossomed when your visits to the lab became less for work and more for leisure. You wanted to visit, wanted to learn more about what he and Jayce were working on and why. Everything after that was just dominoes. You, with all your fiery passion and sharp wit, have become a permanent fixture in his life and now? He could hardly imagine life without you in it. You're one of his dearest friends and, much to his dismay, that makes his current predicament even more challenging than it already is.
Before he knew it, the two of you were standing in front of your apartment building— one of the most luxurious in Piltover. He could only imagine how much it cost, though he knew for certain that your penthouse probably barely made a dent in your wealth. He’s gotten somewhat used to your differing lifestyles, but he’s never completely able to not marvel at it. A gust of wind kissed his skin once more as he turned to look at you.
“This is me,” you say, gloved hands in your pocket and your lovely, lovely face framed by your hair and ruby red scarf. He recognizes it as the gift he gave you a year ago now. A spur-of-the-moment purchase on one of the rare occasions he was actually outside Academy grounds. He remembers thinking that the color would look nice on you. He was right. He finds himself holding onto the seconds before he has to go. “Thank you for walking me home, Viktor.”
“Of course,” he nods but the calmness of his voice don’t match the way his eyes bore into yours. “It’s only proper.”
“Proper?”
“Yes. Proper. I am a gentleman, after all.”
His accent comes out thicker, emphasizing the words more than he means to.
“I didn’t take you for someone who cared much about propriety,” you tease.
“Is it because I’m from the undercity?” he deadpans and he relishes in the look of horror on your face that replaces your grin.
“What? No!” you exclaim, smacking his arm when you realize he’s just joking. “You. Are. Impossible.”
A laugh bubbles out of his chest, “Oh, that’s cruel. You would hit a defenseless man? How heartless.”
“Shut up. That cane of yours is a weapon of war. Don’t think I haven’t seen you smack Jayce with it.”
“If I hit him with it, he probably deserved it.”
“Poor Jayce,” you laugh as well. “Remind me not to get on your bad side.”
Viktor smiles.
“I do not think you could even if you tried, lásko."
He freezes and so do you. The laughter—the music—that you shared for the briefest of moments was thoroughly snuffed out, leaving you both in a silence that threatens to swallow him whole. He didn’t mean to do that. He didn’t mean to speak so gently, but there is not a part of Viktor that could withhold this sincerity from you. Specks of the truth, of the confession he’s barely managed to wrangle into submission and lock away somewhere dark and unreachable.
He pulls back on instinct. He’s shown too much, said too much. You don’t move. He is petrified.
Your eyes widen and he sees his reflection in them, staring back at him. This is it, he thinks. He’s crossed the line and he’ll have to deal with the crushing blow of your rejection.
You manage to compose yourself and what you say next is… well, unexpected. Your tone is light, clearing the air and allowing him to breathe again.
“Do you say that to every woman or am I a special case? I’d hate to be part of a roster.”
He’s taken aback, but he feels a weight lifted off his shoulders. You are a miracle in his eyes. Washing away his worries with a kind smile and a few choice words. He laughs again and this time, he doesn’t stop himself from speaking the truth. It’s now or never.
“Surely you know by now that you are singular,” he whispers, his accent a pleasant drawl in your ears. He takes a step forward. It is gravity that pulls him in, not the Earth’s, but yours. A force that he can’t help but be drawn to. Not that he would ever dare to resist it now that his fear has shrunk down to something a little less debilitating.
His face is inches from yours. You don’t move. He gets a little braver.
“I do not appreciate your implication that I would pay attention to anyone else,” his voice is low, honest. “As if anyone could compare to you. As if you don’t hold my very being in the palm of your hand. Miláčku, I adore you. Don’t you know that?”
There is a hint of pleading in his tone, begging you to understand the full scope of his feelings from those few words so that he wouldn’t unravel before you, a bundle of nerves and petals the same shade as your scarf.
“Say something. Please,” his fear rears its ugly head once more. “Say the word and we’ll pretend this never happened. I will remain your colleague and nothing more. A friend, if you would allow it.”
“What if I don’t want that?” you ask, your own voice a little shaky with uncertainty. Maybe it was also fear. That, he’s not quite sure.
Viktor doesn’t fully trust what he’s hearing, thinks it to be a figment of his deluded imagination, but his heart is screaming at him now to push forward.
“What is it you want, lásko? Tell me and it shall be yours.”
You're almost breathless when you finally respond, “You. I want you."
The world stills. Time itself screeches to a halt. There is only you and him, together in this moment that he knows will be woven into the threads of his soul. He has never known euphoria quite like this. He can’t name it yet, doesn’t know if this is love. He can only hope that it will be.
When he looks into your eyes again, he does not see his own terrified reflection. He just sees you. And the sheer intensity of your gaze that rivals his own. Have you always looked at him that way? Was he just too blind to see it?
“Do you mean that?” he finds himself asking. He has to— has to make sure that this is real.
You smile again, dainty fingers intertwining with his. It is a gentle smile, a hopeful smile that answers his question before you even open your mouth.
“I do,” your voice is so gentle and yet it squeezes his heart. “I’m yours, Viktor, if you’ll have me.”
He brings your knuckles to his lips, places a reverent kiss on them like you’ve given him the world. In a way, that’s exactly what you did. Maybe his lips were always meant to be on your skin, worshipping you like the goddess you are. It feels too natural for it to mean anything else.
And for the first time in a long time, he allows himself to hope.
“I would love nothing more.”
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