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fallingforel · 2 years ago

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arabella pt 4 - menswear

masterlist

“WHERE ARE YOU? YOURE MEANT TO BE HERE BY NOW! I MEAN IT Y/N I NEED AN EXPLANATION. NO THEY DONT GO THERE ON THE MAIN TABLE SMALLER CENTERPIECES ON THE ROUND TABLES, I NEED AN EXPLANATION?? IM WAITING ON ONE.” “It was matty okay luce, he forgot to wake me up, so im gonna be just a tad 3 hours late”“Oh good lord, okay look as long as youre here for the rehearsal dinner everything is going to be fine im sure” “Okay good? How are things anyway? Hows henry? Luce?” “Err alls good here. We have a slightly larger problem though. Em and him just walked in”

⋆｡°✩

where all of the 1975 gang and y/n attend a wedding

warnings: a few swearing, recreational drugs use (coke and weed) and a panic attack, also please let me know if there is any more that I need to be aware of them

A/N and here it is im taking tommorow and monday off, but I promise you, chap 5 will be out next weekend, kisses x

⋆｡°✩

“Well get rid of them then, because I tell you now Luce if they are still there, when the wedding comes around I will just stay at my mums house until they’re both gone and you don’t want your maid of honour to cancel on you last minute do you?”

“No I suppose not. Okay I will do my best to get them gone, look I’m gonna have to go now babe I haven’t got time to sit around and chat I have got a wedding to sort out, I’ve still got to make sure the DJ knows the no plays and when to play our songs so I love you and I’ll see you in about 4 hours kisses.” Lucy says while making an unbareable smooching sound down the phone.

“Love you. But I mean it when I say, I want them GONE.”

“Yes, yes, okay I’ll see what I can do babe love you, but I really have to go now hun” which is her final sentence before I was met with the signal of her putting down the phone.

⋆｡°✩

Before, I start properly focusing on my drive back to Wilmslow, I had to make sure Adam knew that both of our exes were there. So thats exactly what I did.

reaching out to press my home button on my phone “phone ad”

“now phoning ad” I was met back with the robotic voice speaking out to me through the aux cord

the phone rings a couple of times before Adam picks up

“Hey Y/n whats up?”

“err look I thought you should be aware, that Em and him are both there and that you should be warned because they might show up tonight or tommorow, and I kinda don’t want them to because then I’ll have a panic atta-”

My waffling on was then cut off by adam’s voice ringing through the aux in my car,

“look y/n/n, who cares if they’re both there, I certainly don’t I’m over her now, you should be over him too it’s been 6 months, it’s no longer fresh in our minds and plus we’ve both got new people in our lives, you’ve got Al and I’ve got Carls, infact I’m inviting her to the wedding, there was already a spare place from Em being uninvited and Lucy said yes to inviting her so now shes coming, you should invite Al im sure he’d be well up for it. G told me he was a massive fan of ours”

“I’m not too sure Ad we literally only just met last night, do you really think it would be that smart to invite him?”

“look just tell me you’ll consider it y/n/n you at least deserve to have someone there for you”

“okay, okay! I’ll think about it but its not a yes”

“good im glad, right im gonna go. Because ive still got to pack some last minute things, and I’ll see you later on at the rehearsal dinner okay”

“okay lots of love”

I say before putting down the phone. and going to phone alex to see if he wants to come. At this point I’m stopped in a petrol station to phone him as I didn’t save his number earlier.

ringing once twice three times biting my nails in anxiousness, before i hear a thick northen accent ringing through my ears

“Hey, who is this?”

“Al?”

“Y/n? is that you? was wondering when you’d call are you alright darlin’“

“yes yes it’s me look listen. I’m going to a wedding this weekend and I was wondering if you’d wanna go with me. its just theres an extra place due to some dramas that happened and so..”

“look love, I would really like to go, I wish you would’ve told me sooner, I’m literally about to board a plane to leave England right now, but we have to sort out a date some time soon, I’d love to get to know you better”

“Yeah no of course. I 100% get that plus its not like you would’ve missed out on anything anyway. It’s literally a boring wedding”

“You don’t have to downplay it fo me love, sounds dead interestin”

soon an announcement is made that I cant quite hear but it is soon made clear that it’s Alex plane because he bids his goodbyes and then he hangs up the phone

⋆｡°✩

“omg! y/n/n! thank goodness you’re finally here! you’ve missed out on a lot it’s like grand central station in there, people flying everywhere moving things honestly I don’t know how I do it for a job. It’s soooo good to see you, honestly, I’ve missed you so much, how’s London and the modelling life treating you?” Lucy says running up from the front entrance of the moderately sized building, and to my car giving me a rather large squeeze.

“It’s been good, London is manic though, all the time, and these shoots they are just amazing I did one recently for a major U.S. company had to travel to L.A. for it. but honestly my career has taken a major turn since I moved to London with the boys.”

“That’s so good I’m so happy for you. And how are the boys? Are they good? Is the music life treating em well?”

“so well, I can’t say too much because it would spoil it. But they have recently been getting so many radio plays it’s ridiculous but I am so proud of them!”

“thats so good! Looks like that move was good for all of you then!”

“yeah yeah it was, Luce I’m freezing can we go inside? Are they in there?”

“ of course we can babe, no no they’re not! my mum told both of em where to shove it. that soon made them leave!”

“I’ve always loved your mum. did you know that!” I say throwing an arm around her shoulder and walking into the venue.

⋆｡°✩

“so when are the rest of you London lot getting here?” Henry asks standing next to me.

“umm not too sure but I’m sure they’ll be here soon. shouldnt be too long they set off about 3 and a bit hours ago. so in like in a few” I say in reply.

“Hopefully, they won’t be too long. Luce is stressing way too much I dread to know what she’s gonna be like tommorow.”

“Ha! Yeah. I know what she’s like, I remember Matty’s 18th suprise party, she was dead stressed when I organised that, and she wasn’t even the organiser! But look don’t worry, it wont go too mad. I know that with her everything goes to plan”

“yeah, thank you for being here by the way, I know it can’t be easy being here especially after what happened 6 months ago.”

I was about to reply when I was cut off by a curly haired boy, a really annoying one to be precise.

“THE PARTY HAS ARRIVED”

“Matty shut your mouth, go get your suits on boys, rehearsal dinner commences in 10, you’re late already as is” Lucy says. Before walking over to where Henry and I were stood having our conversation

“y/n/n, I need you to go get your dress on too.”

“okay, I will go and do that now”

⋆｡°✩

The rehearsal dinner was a success, I knew it would be, anything Lucy organises is. It’s what she does best, kinda always knew she would be an events planner, her and Henry was meant to come to London with us, Lucy living with me and Henry living with the guys, but then the both of them recieving their dream job offers in the heart of Manchester, so they never did. I think it was meant to be that way if I’m completely honest. I just don’t think it would’ve ever worked, especially with the guys and I all being single and them two being in a relationship. Sure,it worked in Wilmslow where none of us lived together but the whole dynamic that we have now would’ve shifted and just wouldn’t have worked.

Currently I am squished between a tree and a skinny curly haired man, we ended up, going back to my mums last night and both George and Matty insisted that they had to see my mum. So just like we were 17 again and had just had a drunken house party, we are sleeping in my bed. To be fair its quite a large bed, however all three of us, are slightly bigger being 22 and 23 now, we just dont fit.

So I did what I had to do in order to get up. Wiggling to the end of my bed as so to not wake the two massive lumps in my bed, and eventually getting off at the end and then I went on the search to check for my phone.

Finding it laying on my bedstand on G’s side, he must’ve found me passed out and it still on so he must’ve put it there.

Turning it on to find out the time reading 7oclock, the wedding starts at 11 so its time to make my way to wake up the boys so that we all can head to the hotel, both of them being groomsmen and me being lucy’s maid of honor, so I do just that but I cant do it normally, thats just not our friendship dynamic. So I head to the bathroom to get a jug and fill it with cold water, heading back to my bedroom I start pouring it on matty.

“What the fuck y/n.”

“It’s time to get up, we have to head to the hotel, to get ready. We all have to be ready by 9 incase the event staff need help with anything, and I promised Lucy we’d be there by half 7, 8 at the latest to make up for all of us being late yesterday, now help me wake up G. While I find out where the fuck Ross and Hann are” I say while pulling my phone out to find out where the other two of our group are.

“I dont fancy getting slapped by the tree thanks, you can do it, I’ll call Hann and Ross”

“uh uh, you made me late yesterday, you get the pleasure of waking up the giant, I’ll get us a maccies breakfast on the way if you do.”

Soon enough he does it, earning a slap from George “it’s the crack of dawn, Matty what the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“To be fair G, it’s 7 we have to leave in 10 because Lucy wants us at the hotel, and I dont think any of us want to anger bridezilla, I just know shes gonna be on a warpath today. Plus I promised stink here a maccies breakfast, right now though I’ve got to phone the other two find out where they are, can one of you two phone ross? I’ll phone ads” Matty nods his head reaching for his phone. while Im on mine pressed to my ear, trying to get through to him stepping out of the room so I don’t get distacted by Matty on the phone to Ross.

Finally after about a minute I’m met with a raspy voice.

“Hello?”

“Adam? Are you with Ross”

“yes, yes its me, and No what do you want at this ungodly hour, Y/n?”

“I promised Lucy I’d make everyone head to their respectful getting ready rooms, at half 7 so can you head to Hen’s and start getting ready I’ll bring you a McDonalds.”

“yes yes okay. I’ll head there now, when you come knock on my hotel door its 432, Carls will have my car keys, your stuff is in my car, Matty couldnt fit it in his”

“okay, okay. Bye I’ll see you.”

“bye bye, see you in a bit, double sausague and egg pleaseee”

“yes yes okay, see you in a bit Ad’s” I said before hanging up the phone and returning to my bedroom where Matty and George still reside in my bed, although this time a phone was pressed to Mattys ear talking into it

“Yeah, Y/n wants us to get ready, so we will be there in a bit”

I mouth to George “is that ross.” earning a shake of his head. “his mum” i nod my head waiting for him to finish his conversation.

A few moments later a “yep okay bye mum I love you see you tommorow” ending the phone.

“Right as much as I am glad that you were on the phone to your mother Matthew what is the situation on Ross?”

“He was with Henry already, apparently Lucy banged on his door at half 6 this morning making sure he was up” Matty said chuckling a bit

“That girl honestly” I say shaking my head

“Right come on you two lets get going we’ve got places to be people to see” I say slapping the two boys on their legs.

⋆｡°✩

The ceremony was a success, and it all went well. now we were heading on a little walk to where the reception was being held. Matty George Ross and I were infront, and then Adam and Carly following suit behind us.

We walked into the marquee tent finding our seats George and I both sat at the head table as I was Maid of honour and G was Best Man, Matty, Ross and Adam were sat on the table infront of us though so we all weren’t too far from eachother, luckily I was sat next to George and Lucy so I didnt have to endure meaningless conversations with other members of the bridal party like I did at the hen do.

“C’mon G we’re sat here” I say grabbing his hand and pulling him towards our seats after checking the seating plan that was displayed on the foam board standing on the white easel.

⋆｡°✩

And soon enough the reception was well underway after Lucy and Henry had their first dance. George hopped on the decks doing what he knows best, Lucy had let him have an hour at it giving the DJ an hour break to dig into the buffet.

I walked up to G wondering if Matty had any Joints. Because Lucy had want to let loose, and she hadn’t smoked in ages but claimed it was “my wedding night so I can do whatever the fuck I want” clearly having had taken too much advantage of the free bar at that point.

“well your the best man so whats the plan? we gonna smoke”

“y/n/n I’m busy doing my best to give everyone a fucking good time here, go talk to Matty about it, he’s outside. He’s the one thats got ‘em I’ll smoke my own later”

“okay I will, c’mon Lucy lets go find Matthew, bye G”

We walked outside finding Matty perched on a log smoking, we approached him

“oh Matthew” Lucy called out

“oh here comes trouble” he shouted out earning a giggle from lucy

“look we just wanna know if you’ve got any of those joints left, I know you must have at least half of one left, I can see you smoking one, and it’s not even halfway finished. The bride here wants some to let loose, Hen hopes it’ll calm her down and stop her being so stressed about everything. ”

“Look bug, I would and you know I would, but I’ve only bought three like I told you before, you’re gonna have to ask about. We went to school with half of the people in there and we all know they’re all pot heads, someone in there is bound to have some”

“Come on! I know who will have some” Lucy says.

⋆｡°✩

Eventually we found someone with some after asking about three people. Joining Matty on the log he was sat on when we came outside previously. Staying in silence, we sat and smoked. Until Lucy eventually piped up

“You wanna know why I’m smoking?”

“Because, it’s your wedding day and you can do whatever the fuck you want?” I question laughing

“no, it’s cause I needed to put off crying, this day couldn’t have gone worse. Henrys Mum sent me a text this morning saying that I shouldn’t be marrying him that he doesn’t really love me and I don’t deserve him, she’s been giving me evils all day. y/n/n I almost left him at the alter especially after Em’s text” she says tears flooding her eyes when she turns to look at me.

“oh Luce, c’mere babe” I say with my arms wide open and she shuffles along the log we’re sat on and hugs me, sobbing fully at this point. tears not coming to my eyes. After she pulls away I can’t help but ask about the text.

“what did you mean by the fact that Em texted you? what did she say”

“she said about how I banned her from my wedding, and that I needed to grow up because I took your side after the whole argument six months ago and that she would make an appearence along with him today, but not before she said that in a year or two Henry would leave me for her, I’m so sorry for not telling you earlier Y/N, I haven’t even told Henry, I’m not sure I even want to. I don’t want to make him leave, I know it’s silly because we’ve been together close to a decade at this point. But what if he decides he doesn’t want to be with me any more y/n/n, I don’t know if my heart will be able to take the pain especially with you in London”

“Don’t be silly Luce it’s okay, but she has no right to make you panic like that especially after warning you that she’s going after Hen, Luce, you are aware that you’re going to have to tell Henry about all of this right, especially about his mum, she has absolutely zero right to tell you whether you’re good for her son or not.”

“She’s right you know, you have to tell Henry, even if you dont want to, he needs to know. I’ve never known the two of you to keep secrets from eachother, especially one this big Luce, you know I may not have liked you at the beginning when you were dressed in nowt’ and telling everybody you were shagging every boy in Wilmslow, But Luce I like you now, and I know that you would really benefit from telling him, I can go get him if you want, y/n/n and I can be there while you tell him if you want?”

“no, no it’s fine I need to tell him on my own you two go. enjoy your night, come find me when you’re leaving.”

“okay okay, I’ll see you in a bit we’ll send him out to find you”

⋆｡°✩

After finding Henry, and telling him to go find Lucy outside, Matty dragged me to the bar.

“so bug.” he says turning to me “whaddya drinkin’?”

“malibu and coke” I say in reply

he gains the attention of bartender “scuse me lad can I have an ameretto and a malibu and coke please, passionfruit variation please” This boy knows me too well at this point as he asks for the passionfruit variaton because he’s all too aware after too many slip ups at parties to fill my glass with original malibu and me turn up my nose at the coconut flavoured liquer.

He thanks the bartender after handing us our drinks. And we go over to our tables but not before matty spills a load of his on a taller lad who we’re not too sure we know.

“watch where you’re going pot head yeah and also watch your girlfriend yeah think she might be getting some tonight but certainly not you, you scrawny fucker” the 6″3 skinny lad pipes up

“look I might be spilling my ameretto because of previous joints yeah, but don’t talk about my best mate like that, I don’t know who you think you are, yeah you might be taller than me, but you look just like me so I reckon I could knock you out, so just watch what your saying yeah”

“Matty, leave it hes not worth the fuss yeah”

“ooh getting your girl to sort your problems are we?” I can see Matty clenching his fist just as if matty was about to swing for him so I step infront of him before anything can happen.

“Do you want anything to end up in the press about Denise’s son losing it at wedding?” I ask him knowing thats exactly what would happen knowing the fuckers that went to our school. He shakes his head no in reply “exactly, so leave it yeah, this guy is not worth our time or effort yes?” he nods his head I tap him on the back throwing an arm around his shoulder “come on then stink” and so we’re off, back to the dancefloor so we can forget our troubles and have an absolute blast of a time before I’m back to work in two days, and the lads are back to the studio next week.

⋆｡°✩

“Matty, I need to go to the loo” I shout over the loud music but not before making a sniff gesture with my hand signaling that it was time to bring the sniff out, It was kinda known in Wilmslow that our group, were drug users, not hardcore as much as people think, only when parties were going on or when one of us wanted to feel something.

“cmon then bug, lets go to the bathroom”

Once we made it into the bathroom I lock the main door so that no one could make it in especially, Lucy’s conservative great-grandmother that definetly had some interesting views.

as I came back from locking the door hopping onto the counter where matty wasnt cutting lines. After he finished cutting the lines he handed me the rolled up 20 but not before saying “two each” “ooh a 20, very rich of you” “shut up and just sniff your two, off the porcelain basin will you” “okay okay chill out, Matthew” I say hopping off the counter taking the rolled up 20 that he was still holding out for me to take.

⋆｡°✩

Safe to say I was feeling the effect of the drug I had taken just a mere 10 minutes ago.

and soon enough, Em and him were here and I was making a beline for the exit, Making Matty clearly confused as he hadn’t noticed them. so obviously as confused as he was, He followed.

“bug, bug, slow down.” he called out and I turned to face him, my breathing irregular and tears streaming down my face, my makeup clearly smudged.

“Woah,woah. Whats happpened? why the tears bug?” He asked.

I tried replying but I couldn’t I was too worked up to explain. My hands doing anything they could. Unsure of whether it was the drugs making me like this or just seeing him in the flesh after 6 months.

“okay okay, bug look at me” Matty sounding so distant at this point, so I didn’t even know where he was “Honey, you’re gonna have to look at me so I can understand what happened”

Touching my chin, he gently lifted my chin with his fingers. removing them, my breathing still rapid at this point.

“cmon bug, copy my breathing, deep breath in, and then push it out” doing exactly what he said. We just sat there in silence me following Matty’s breathing. Until it was back to a normal pace.

“You gonna tell me what happened in there? What made you all worked up, so much so I had to do breathing excersises with you which we hadnt done in ages, god last time we did them was when you caught him cheating with Em” and suddnely his eyes go wide realising that thats what happpened. “oh bug!” he says scooching over to give me a hug. Knowing me too well at this point to realise, that in that moment thats exactly what I needed a good hug from my best mate.

I start tearing up again, “I saw them together, Matty and I thought I was doing so well as well I hadnt thought of him until a couple of days ago.Yet, I saw him in the flesh and it feels like I’ve now taken three steps back.”

“No, you havent bug, not at all, It’s natural it generally is, do you remember when I got cheated on?” he asks me I just nod in reply “well I remember she disappeared a while after that. And then like a year later I saw her, in cafe nero when i was working, god the tears all started to come out then, I had to get out of there, and because of that I got fired, it was right in the middle of morning rush aswell” “so thats why you got fired, we all thought it was because you burnt yourself or set off a smoke alarm lighting a joint in the bathroom, but awwh Matty you’re so sweet, I never thought you would be that heartbroken over her, we were only 15/16″

“Look, I’m just saying it’s natural to feel like you’ve gone back in time, anyway are we gonna go back inside or do you just wanna get out of here?”

“Just want to get out of here, I don’t think I can face him if I’m being perfectly honest, sorry stink you probably want to go back inside an enjoy the rest of your time with everyone, probably pick up a girl too.”

“No. No. don’t be sorry bug, you have every right to. Besides I’m probably gonna yosh in someones mouth soon if I stay any longer, plus I dont want some random coming up and going in for the kiss” reaching inside his blazer pocket to check for the time “and It’s 5 past three I can hardly see and if i stay up any longer I’ll probably pass out so its probably best if we go now anyway.”

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end of chap 4

#Alex Turner #alex turner x reader #matty healy #matty healy x reader #alex turner x y/n #matty healy x you #alex turner x you #matty healy x y/n #alex turner meet cute #arctic monkeys #the 1975 #george daniel #Adam Hann #ross mcdonald #fanfiction #fanfic #Spotify

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adviceformefromme · 1 year ago

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I was wondering if I could ask your advice or maybe opinion on something.

For as long as I can remember I could never picture a career I wanted when I grew up. All I saw was me holding a baby, my wedding, sleeping in a bed with my husband and spending time with my little family I got to create. I just turned 23 now, and it’s still like that. The only job I’ve done was nannying and now during health issues I’m not working. Everyone around me says not having a career or just wanting to be a mother and wife is wasting myself and my life. They say I’ll be taken advantage of and left for someone younger and more beautiful if I decide to go that way. Maybe I’m naive, but I don’t believe that so much, I believe there are so many good people out there. I feel like I’m not being true to myself and what I want when I pretend to say I want to study this or that, I want to train for this or that job. I don’t, I want to focus on healing myself, building my relationship with my partner, learning how to cook more things, spending time outside, with animals, with my nieces and nephews. I want to live as if I’m not some machine or I have any debt to owe to someone. I don’t know what to do.

Hey Sweetie, thanks for sharing this. It's come at the perfect time because now more then ever this is SO important. The fact that you are owning your truth, and know who you want to be is probably quite intimidating for most. It goes against what we are taught to believe in western society. The most important thing is that you honour your dreams, and keep focusing on what you want. You should be proud of your dreams, whatever they look like. They were planted in you for a reason, they are your birthright! Xoxox

#manifestyourreality #lawofattraction #manifesting #levelup confidence lawofattraction powerofthemind #levelup #manifestingmindset #manifest #growthmindset #hypergamy #levelupjourney

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oodlyenough · 1 year ago

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aa3 trials and tribulations

alright after dragging my heels to get four months out of a idk 35 hour game i have finished aa3. spoilery thoughts mostly about the last case bc i played the others months ago fjglhgkf

Positive stuff:

FRANZISKA... my mvp... I loved Franziska after aa2 but she was so great here, everything I could've wanted from her lmao. My best worst girl. I LOVED having her hang out with Phoenix fhlgfhgklf incredible, showstopping, spectacular. Their dynamic is sooo much fun and I also really liked seeing her interact with the witnesses outside of the courtroom, and how she tries to establish her authority but uses that authority to try and comfort them, etc -- she gets mad at Phoenix when he isn't complimentary enough of Sister Bikini lol, she takes control of the sacred cavern situation, she bullies Edgeworth into selfcare garden sulking after the earthquake, etc. It was really interesting and kind of sweet, in her way, it was nice to see that side of her. I can easier see how she and Adrian ended up with their weird gay thing although I have to admit Franmaya remains my Franziska ship of choice. (Just yesterday I was telling someone "I want Franziska to show Maya how to use her whip"... so close and yet so far Capcom.)

Defense attorney Edgeworth was awesome what a fun idea, and the Edgeworth/Franziska court battle ruled. I think I talked about it a lot at the time so I won't dwell much but lmao. wonderful. you're both sooooo bonkers

The Fey family drama! Cool af! Love a matriarchal society of women murdering each other. Amazing. I was spoiled for bits and pieces but not for Misty, which was a great surprise, I had expected they'd just leave that thread hanging but resolving it was the correct choice. I also loved that this game gave a bit more of a nod to Mia. I had said in my previous reaction post that I loved Mia having her own lil Moriarty in Dahlia and their showdown was so fun. Get her ass Mia. Pull each other's hair in the afterlife.

The actual plot mystery stuff in this case was great. I was able to do 3-4 and 3-5 without any walkthrough help AND without banging my head into a wall, which really does make it more fun, lol. You feel clever for solving it without feeling like it's being spoonfed. Or at least I didn't feel it was spoonfed :P and I guessed wrong about some things.

I loved Dahlia LMAO she was fr on the stand like "Your honour I was born evil and I died evil and I'm still evil now. Peace". I sort of expected she'd have mixed emotions at least about Iris but uh nope. Choose a way to born: Evil Baby. You could probably say something about AA returning to these cartoonishly evil villains to smooth over any of the ethical quandaries probably but tbh for the most part I just find it fun. Whatever. Cant a girl have hobbies (poisoning, failure).

Less positive stuff:

I was surprised and disappointed to not get a send-off epilogue screen for Edgeworth or Franziska 😔 they just kind of disappeared in the back end of the case, and while I don't have an issue focusing on the Feys in the end, the Edgeworth/Franziska stuff felt a bit unresolved to me, to not even get a few lines when Oldbag and Larry do. I guess Capcom wants me to play AAI (... sort of. not enough to port it or translate it :P).

Two finale cases in a row shelved Maya for a considerable portion. She got much more to do here, in the end -- her as Nick's last witness was very good, and obv she's central to the whole case -- than in 2-4, but I still felt her absence.

And I do wish we'd gotten to see more of Edgeworth and Phoenix interacting - they're sort if implied to be spending time off screen but I would like to see it.jpeg, I thought he was gonna be a more active part of the case after trial day 1. Since AA1 it often feels like the game is juggling characters so I can have like, one fave with me at a time but not more lol. Rude.

The Iris/Phoenix stuff was 🙄 I realize it's futile to be mad about like, token heterosexuality in a 20+ year old video game, but 🙄 lol. Also naturally I spent most of the game believing Dahlia had grudgingly put up with Feenie while dreaming of murder for 8 months and that's so much funnier than the truth turned out to be, lmao. Her eternal torment.

I couldn't stand Godot lmao I didn't like him at the start of the game and by the end I hated him. His gimmick was boring to me at best, I found him deeply condescending and sexist in the case with Mia, and then obviously 3-5 just sent all of that overdrive. The upswing was that he was the killer so that was satisfying for me lmfao. Throw the book at him judge.

Overall:

I see why this is often called the best game. The overarching stories all tied together well, I can see how the cases of the week led into the finale even if I hated one of em (mask de masque do NOT interact), the puzzles are good while being solvable, and there are some really really great fun moments of character stuff in here for almost everyone.

Having said that, I think the first game is still my fave. Its comparatively limited scope meant each major character got their moment, Maya and Edgeworth are my besties and it's the only time I actually got to have both of them around at the same time. And Turnabout Goodbyes is just so good and so is Rise from the Ashes.

I'm sad the trilogy is over 😔 while I wait for 4-6 to get ported I'll play TGAA and AAI, but not sure in which order, and in either case I'm gonna miss my best friend Phoenix Wright. Luv u buddy

#ace attorney #aa3 spoilers #oodly plays AA

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buckmepapi · 3 years ago

Note

Bunch of new agents looking at the Avenger!reader nastily (mainly out of jealousy for being with buck and being a hot ass skilled avenger) for hearing her screams and moans of pleasure last night. She then hears someone talking to each other, not knowing she’s right behind them. “She was so loud last night, I’m sure she’s just faking it so she could brag that she fucked the white wolf” says one, “I know right? I’m not sure why Bucky even likes her? And her sounds? It’s annoying, he must be tired of hearing that but fucks her cause she’s easy.”

Being the badass reader that she is, she goes “first of all, it’s Sergeant Barnes to any of you. Second of all, that’s just what happens when your lover is an insatiable super soldier. So, no he isn’t tired nor annoyed, in fact, he loves it. I’m sorry you never felt utterly loved by someone that you had to second guess ours. Lastly, I suggest you just enjoy the show from the sidelines or focus on your training, your evaluation shows you’re only good at bad mouthing”

I just thot abt this after watching some spicy vids. At first I was like god she’s so loud, but after, I realized, god, she’s being ✨railed✨ in the best way so I couldnt really blame her. Then bam. The hoe thots. So do what u want with it! Just dropping by hehe I hope ur healthy and safe 💗

Scream for me // part I

Summary: what happens when Bucky comes to defend your honour but a secret is almost revealed instead?

Word count: 6.8k (of pure porn with some plot at the end)

Pairings: feral!possessive!bucky x f!avenger!reader

(As with all my fics, reader is afab, but other than that she does not look a certain way in terms of race etc, I try to make my fics inclusive as possible and avoid certain words that are white centric, if I’ve missed anything do let me know and I’ll correct it. Much love. ❤️)

Warnings: smut smut smut smut gratuitous SMUT minors DNI 18+ ONLY. Daddy kink, breeding kink, a brief slap to the face, praise and degradation, brief glimpse of Bucky’s future wife kink, creampie, piv unprotected sex, feral!needy!possessive!bucky, dirty talk that’s so filthy I feel the need to repent, belly bulge, super soldier amounts of cum, d/s dynamics sub!reader and dom!bucky, squirting, mentions of ovulation and fertility, —angst like a lot of angst at the end, Bucky being violently protective of reader, threats of death, threats of torture, Steve, Sam, Nat and Tony make an appearance at the end. Cliffhanger ending to be continued in part 2. Straight into nsfw below the cut

A/N: Ooooh, spicey vids you say? 🥵

I love your brain! This is a great idea, I didn’t go with the direct dialogue in this, but went with the idea instead. However I decided to change it up where it’s not reader defending their relationship, but Bucky instead…for reasons. 🤫 Thank you sweet nonnie for such a lovely idea for a one shot— I have great ideas for part 2 so I hope I can further do your wonderful idea justice there as well!

In a separate unrelated story to this one shot I feel like he would go absolutely ape shit and almost kill them, then throw her over his shoulder and fuck her absolutely feral-like and possessed in the next room to the point where she’s unintentionally ten times louder than the night before and then he comes back into the room sweating and disheveled like “problem?” LMAO —

please stop bloody asking to be added to taglists.

main masterlist | b.b masterlist | about | navi | library

Part II / part I.I - the alternative version

“Come on, baby, come on” Bucky panted dripping with sweat, your small dainty hands finding purchase wherever they could along his broad shoulders and back as he relentlessly pounded into you “scream for me, babydoll, scream how good I fuck you so this whole damn compound knows who’s cock is tearing you o-open — fuck!” Bucky was growling and groaning above you as you struggled with all the strength and will power you had left in your limp fucked out body to keep your eyes open and focused on your man. You loved watching the faces he pulled when he was railing you into your mattress but the way he was destroying you right now had your eyes continuously rolling into the back of your skull and it was just taking too much effort to bring them back to focus on his flushed face and gaping mouth. The sweat from his brow line was slowly dripping onto your face as he pushed the back of your knees up to wrap over his thick forearms, he spread his arms out wide, the muscles in his shoulders bulging as he did so, and leant into you further so you were spread impossibly wide and had your tender slapped ass cheeks lifting off the bed.

You felt a further pool of slickness leak from your dripping cunt as you began to imagine what he looked like from behind as he plowed into you without mercy. You imagined the way his wide shoulders must look and how his body slowly narrowed into his hips in a triangle-esque shape, how his muscles must bulge and shift on his back, how his thick arms were at a wide stance must have forced his shoulder blades to be more prominent and push his surrounding upper back muscles out further. You imagined the way his soft perky ass must look as he gyrates his hips into yours with his knees bent, how it must tense into hard steel when you clench around him making him tense up too as he tries to stop himself from cumming too soon. You imagined how red and clawed up his back must be from your desperate pleas to cling onto him like a koala bear, your body so hot and distant from your mind that you felt you might float away if not clutched to his very person. All those sordid thoughts of how your man must look right now was making you wetter by the second which of course, Bucky being the sensitive man that he is, noticed instantly causing him to curse out into the low light of your sweat filled bedroom. You swore that if you looked up you’d probably notice that your bedroom windows were steamed to the nines from your heated breaths and steaming bodies.

By this point, you had been reduced to a fucked out soaking mess who was incapable of getting out even the most basic of sentences, the only thing that could be heard from your open drooling mouth was moaning whimpering pleas of mercy. You couldn’t even hear what Bucky was saying to you. Your ears were ringing and your vision had nearly all but disappeared as you felt like you were in one long continuous earth shattering orgasm as Bucky kept pounding into your g-spot perfectly. His toned abdomen kept striking your swollen and slick covered clit as his focused strokes consisted of hard deep pounding mixed with salacious sinful hip rolls equalling in the most perfect clit grinding that also brutally kissed your cervix. How this man managed to fuck like this continuously you’d never know. Even a man with super soldier stamina had to stop at some point, right?…right?

“I’m gonna fucking destroy your little cunt till it’s permanently left gaping and used” he suddenly said without warning in a gruff voice with a piercing thrust of his hips, his own words and thoughts they conjured up were making him rut into you at an alarming pace.

“When I’m done— ohhhh shit yes, babygirl, give me that fucking pussy” he cried interrupting himself when he felt you gush again at his earlier words ”when I’m done wi-with y-you you’ll be nothing but a mindless little fff-fuckdoll. And when I’m done, oh baby” he chuckled darkly making you break out in goosebumps all over “I’ll. just. Keep. Fucking. Going.” he growled with each devastating slam of his thick long veiny cock inside your battered hole. Your lips were soaking with your slick like an animal mewling in heat, drenched entirely, puffy red and swollen from the onslaught of his thrusts. Sex with Bucky always felt like he was trying his best to ram himself into your womb and you fucking loved it.

”MM you’re—mm, you’re just my little fleshlight, huh, sweetheart?” He asked but heard no response from you.

“Baby?” He whimpered as he felt you cum once more without prior warning, at this point he had lost count of just how many times you had squirted and creamed on his cock, you were throbbing and clenching so much so that it was hard for him to differentiate between pulsing grips and the sensation of you cumming, until he would feel a new squirt of delicious cream push its way out of you.

Bucky was still waiting to receive a response from you but you were lost to the world, barely there stuck somewhere between the dead and the land of the living. Floating. Floating and weightless until the awakening harsh sting of a palm striking your face sent an ice cold bucket of water over your brain and broke you from your reprieve.

“Look at me when I’m fucking talking to you, you dumb little baby” he said in rage as he grabbed your cheeks in his massive flesh hand causing your lips to pout together from the force “I asked you a fucking question” his hips slowed as he started to deliver strokes so devastatingly slow that each harsh thrust let out a little squirt of white cream to coat his entire rigid cock. “I asked if you were my little fleshlight, babygirl. So the question is'' he snarled as he brought his face to yours and pushed his forehead against your own harshly, he stared deeply into your eyes “are you or are you not my glorified little fleshlight? A little toy for me to pump my load into whenever I want wherever I want, my little cockdrunk whore who takes my cock so well, huh? C’mon, tell daddy that’s what you are, sweetheart”

You latched onto Bucky's hair as your back arched against his ministrations, you felt him press his large fleshy palm to your abdomen, captivated by the way your stomach bulged and wanting to stimulate your spot even further “yes! Yes, daddy! Yes, I’mmmmmmm oh fuck —I’m your little toy, love b-bein’ d-daddy’s fleshlight, love when he just uses me to c-cum!” You cried in ecstasy. Your pleasure caused you to be so impressionable that Bucky could probably have got you to repeat or do just about anything and you would have said or done it without hesitation so long as he kept viscously tearing you apart the way he was. If he stopped now, you felt as if you might simply die without his cock, you never wanted his girthy member to ever leave any of your tight holes. You’d take him any place you could have him so long as he stayed right there. Right. The. Fuck. There.

“Yes, fuck— baby, yes” snarling at your words “perfect…you’re perfect—” he rambled to himself in awe of you “m-m-my perfect little fucking who-r-re. Want to cum in you baby, wanna flood this cunt with cum. Need to nut in you, baby— wanna watch your pretty little face when you feel my thick load stick to your walls, my perfect little breeding slut —oh shit!”

The consistent brutal pounding and simultaneous stimulation of your drenched engorged clit had your next orgasm fast approaching. You could feel the familiar tingle radiate in your lower spine and in the pit of your stomach “Daddy im ‘bout to come again,‘bout to squirt!” you whimpered clutching onto his broad form tighter as you struggled to find purpose with your impending orgasm.

“Fuck yeah, babygirl” he moaned breathlessly unabashedly feeling this one to be a bit more powerful than the last due to the way he kept a steady rhythm of beating into your g-spot at the most perfect angle yet.

“I’m all the way in your fucking belly right now, baby, you feel that? D-don‘t —don’t know how you, shit, h-how you’re able to take everything I give you. You’re perfect baby, you always manage to take this huge fucking cock anyway I give it to you, a-anybody else w-would break in half, b-but you? You’re f-fucking made for me, honey, w-we’re l-like two puzzle pieces and we fit— oh my fucking goddddddd, ohhh~ ohh~, Jesus Christ, baby, you’re clenching so damn hard, I can hardly move out of this tight pussy” Bucky’s own sentence was abruptly cut short and the thought ripped from his brain in an instance when your cunt began to constrict so tightly around him that you were almost choking him, your pussy now so wontonly desperate to milk him for all he was worth.

Bucky began to feel the familiar thumping pulse of your heartbeat resonate and throb within your walls, the clenching few and far between each one, your orgasm was building and building and building by the seconds, ready to reach a crescendo that would drain you entirely leaving you dead to the world till the next morning.

Something about Bucky was particularly feral tonight. You wanted to ask him what was wrong, why it felt like he was trying to claim you from the inside out, not that you were complaining, you just wondered if he heard something said about you, usually Bucky gets particularly possessive if he catches someone looking at you for too long or hearing someone make a sexual remark about your body. You didn’t mind it most of the time and you certainly didn’t mind it when it resulted in Bucky spearing you open, but something about his desperate animalistic behaviour tonight paired with his most dirtiest of words yet had you concerned he had heard something particularly harsh. But from the moment he shoved his fat cock in you, your mind had gone to mush and you’d have to hope that only tomorrow your fucked out brain would remember to check up on him.

“Fuck yeah, baby, fucking cum for me, open up that pretty pussy for me, baby. Need to make room for my load, babydoll—wanna make sure all of it gets as deep as possible. Need to make sure it sticks, gonna keep you plugged up all night, I’m gonna keep my rock hard cock in you whilst we sleep and just keep dumping load after load of this cum in to you, by the time you wake up you’ll be so full and be bred so fucking much you won’t even be able to move. My little hole, my little fucking fleshlight, never wanna leave, never wanna leave this tight cunt. Mine. Mine. Mine.” A litany of possessions were whimpered into your neck as Bucky got lost to his own words of control, losing his dominant composure for a brief moment as he mewled into your neck and sucked at your sweet spot desperately wanting to own you even further than he already had and does.

“I-m -I-Im so c-close, keepgoingkeepgoingkeepgoing pleasekeepgoing” you repeated like a prayer to an icon at an alter, Bucky was your god, your Adonis, and your demon. Your fumbling hands clutched on to his pert ass cheeks as you forced him to drive into you deeper, Bucky groaned at the feeling of your desperation and before you knew it your orgasm began to approach closer and closer, the warm tingling feeling tickling your nerves all over your body was getting stronger and hotter as Bucky‘s sinful words and devilish movements continued without mercy.

“I’m gonna cum! Oh fuck oh fuck I’m gonna fucking fun — please please oh god please don’t stop please don’t ever stop!” You sobbed into Bucky's shoulder as you then threw your head back to the soft pillows below you, head tilted, eyes rolling back, mouth agape in a screaming sob. Your clit pulsing a few more times and cunt clenching tightly, one deep grind later and you suddenly went rigid and clenched unbelievably hard. All your muscles had turned to stone as you began to see visions of white blast before your eyes, your breath held as the most perfect feeling flew over your entire body, goosebumps and warm tingles all over every part of you. Still unable to move and breathe, the feeling finally descended as you suddenly went lax in Bucky’s arms, heaving in a massive breath of air to your lungs as you did. Your orgasm continuing as Bucky went slower and deeper than before to extend the delicious and addictive sensation for you as long as possible. Slowly the pulsing in your clit and the tight contractions of your walls began to slow down and grow further apart.

“Thaaaaats it, baby” Bucky comforted when he first felt you begin to cum, stroking your hair out of your face and leaving his palm on your forehead rubbing his thumb softly over your sweaty head, gently tending to you when he felt you suck in a sharp breath and go rigid against him.

That was a powerful one, huh, baby? He thought and chuckled to himself.

“Make some room f’me. C'mon that’s it, there ya go, sweetheart, push it out c’mon, push” . Bucky moaned to you as he felt you squirt when you came, he started a dirty slow deep grind as if he was trying to dig his cock into the deepest depths of your soul, wanting to retrieve a precious treasure from within, his encouraging words meant that tonight had been the most you had ever came in your entire life, you didn’t think it was possible to release any more cum from your abused hole, but apparently it was and Bucky needed as much as he could get, his lower half was glistening in wetness and dripping onto the bedroom floor below as you never stopped dripping onto him.

“Daddy needs to make sure there’s enough room for you to take as much of this nut as possible. Don’t want any of his cum to go to waste, do you? Know how you love how much daddy cums and cums and fucking cums and just keeps filling you till you wanna burst. Love that about you, baby, always hungry for my loads. Gotta feed that pussy, doll, you gonna let daddy feed his special girl? Right? She looks hungry, sweetheart, we don’t want her to feel neglected now do we, huh?”

“Fuck—god, baby, there’s so much cream, never seen you cream so much before, what’s going on, baby? You just extra sensitive today or did daddy deprive you of his cock for too long an’ now you never want me to leave? Tell daddy, doll, tell him why this pussy is so hungry tonight”

“O-o-ov” your whimpering response turning into long drawn out moans when his sudden slow thrust made you feel every single vein, bump, and thickness of his cock against your rigid textured walls. “O-ov, I-I’m o-ovulating” you nearly whispered as you struggled to get out your words still feeling the aftershocks of your orgasm leave small little twitches throughout your body and gradually further apart pulses of your cunt against his dick.

“Baby…” he cried into your neck like a wounded animal unbelieving of your perfect confession “f-fuck, really?”

You meekly nodded as your glassy unfocused eyes began to roll back into your head once more.

Bucky snarled and pulled out from you, you were about to object and cry out for him to continue to abuse your hole when he suddenly flipped you like a ragdoll as if you weighed nothing at all, he ripped your legs open and pressed harshly down on your lower back to arch your spine without care for your comfort, using his mental hand to fist your hair and keep your face pushed into the mattress. Bucky looked down to where you two would meet and growled at the jiggling of your supple ass cheeks hypnotised by the way the excess flesh would shake like a delicious mouth-watering, sweet, addictive jelly. Seeing his cock plunge beyond your ass cheeks had him rutting faster.

Bucky felt your back arch upwards towards him when he felt you struggling to deal with the overwhelming sensations of how devastatingly deep he was at this new angle.

“Get the fuck back down” he snapped when he felt you arching against his hold, he pushed back down on the base of your back to encourage your initial deep arch.

“Don’t you dare run from this fucking cock—get back here”

“Good fucking girl” was heared above the roaring in your ears as you painfully obeyed his command.

“You want my kids, baby?” He had asked seemingly out of nowhere.

“Oh god, yes yes!” You sobbed into the fabric of your bed overcome with the thought of actually being bred by your lover and having his children.

“Yeah? shit, yeah , when?? Huh? When?!” He said frantically as he began to spank your sensitive ass repeatedly in a frenzy.

“Now, daddy please, want…w-want that n-now”

“You wanna start trying now?huh? Did you plan this, sweetheart? Think you could tempt me with that fertile pussy knowing t-that you’re ovulating and extra creamy and think you could tempt me? Well you were goddamn right, baby”

“D-d-daddy…”

“Fuck , you feel me all the way in your belly, babygirl? Huh? After today I’m gonna be planted right in there growing life in you. You want that? You wanna have daddy’s babies? Wanna make me a real daddy? S-shiiiiit, god, that pussy’s so tight— Jesus Christ!”

“You’re my fucking wife” Bucky growled to himself clearly lost in a fantasy tonight that had him acting like a glorified caveman. It was as if he was trying to convince himself that you were and actualise it into real life. He didn’t even realise your dumb little baby brain had registered his words until you mewled and involuntarily clenched around him.

“O-oh shit, you like that? Yeah, you like that shit? Want me to wife you up, baby? Yeah I want that so bad wanna have you barefoot and pregnant prancing about our house wearing nothing but a diamond ring —shiiiit, you’d make the perfect wife, so sexy, so smart and kind and beautiful and, shit, you’re gonna be such a good mommy, baby”

“Please, Bucky! I want that so bad… it’s a-all I-I’ve ever wanted w-with y-you, oh oh ohh~”

“Don’t worry, sweetheart, gonna give that to you. My powerful sexy badass future little wife and baby mama, that’s what you’ll be, you’re so perfect, my perfect little fuckdoll”

Bucky was a goner, his thoughts had over taken his rational side and left him with nothing but a hindbrain in its place. “Fuck y/n, I can’t hold back anymore, picturing you with my ring on your finger with a swollen belly and huge leaking tits got me wanting to nut so deep in you. ShiT”

“Can i? Can I breed this tight little pussy? God please baby please say yes fuckfuckfuckfuck”

He took your hands once again clutching his ass cheeks and pushing him into you so he couldn’t leave as the only answer he needed.

“Oh god thank you thank you thank you thank you holy shit fuck!”

“fuck, daddy, you’re so fucking deep inside of me , it feels like you’re in my belly right now oh my god”

“Y-y-yeah?? Keep—k-keep talkin’, doll. Fuck, keep. fuckin’.goin’…please” he punctuated his words with hard slamming thrusts, now losing his momentum and whimpering into your neck like a wounded animal.

“Want your cum so fucking deep. Love how much you cum, how it never ends and how you can just keep going and going and going till I’m so fucking full. Want you to make my belly swell with all your cum.. oh my god —please daddy!”

“Shh-iiit, baby— so close, I’m so fucking close, oh god” as Bucky began to feel his lower spine tingle with warmth and his abdomen tense tighter and tighter he rutted into you with less and less rhythm, struggling with all his might to keep moving in and out of you as his arms buckled and his grunts and moans got louder and less controlled. You had no idea when you were moved back to face him but you levitated your hips nonetheless, your ass off the bed to meet his deranged manic thrusts with your own hypnotic grinds.

“Oh! Oh! Ohhh my ggggooooddd” he cried out, face completely smothered in your neck, his hair soaked in sweat from his pained effort to keep going through strained muscles and the light headed floaty dizziness he was currently experiencing as he felt ecstasy begin to take over his whole body. He was utterly lost in the warmth of your tight heat.

“Please, please, daddy, I want your cum! I want it! I want it! please! I want it so bad!” you begged into his ear as he whined into your neck at your desperate pleas, you were now clawing at his broad shoulders as his arms gave out from under him, causing him to collapse onto you, you both screaming out in pleasure at the way he suddenly hit a new angle even deeper.

“C-cum…c-cum with me, please,sweetheart, please” Bucky sounded so broken, so desperate and wanton, more so than he’s ever sounded before. Whatever had upset him earlier and caused him to be so possessive and primal like in the way he rutted into you had now completely evaded him as he got lost in the fantasy of breeding you deeply till he was sure there would be no mistake that you were well and truly his forever. Bucky sequestered all the willpower he had left in his slowly withering body to wedge his metal hand between your sweaty bodies inching it to your core to stimulate your hot bundle of nerves. At this point your clit was so engorged, so swollen, and covered in your own glistening wetness that the slightest of touches was enough to throw you over the edge. So utterly sensitive in fact that the gentlest of swirls from Bucky’s Vibranium fingers around your nub would have catapulted you into another gut wrenching orgasm, and it did. Your skin felt like it was on fire. You were still struggling with your core strength to meet Bucky's frantic thrusts with your own undulations, causing him to now go too deep having it border on being painful (but you didn’t care, you liked when it hurt so good like this), he was breaching your cervix kissing the very edges of it sharply, you were both fucking like wild feral beasts searching for that basic primal feeling of pleasure innate within you both. Grunts, growls, whimpers, mewls, and moans from your both in equal measure were sending a cacophony of sounds that were echoing throughout your home as your over stimulated clit had you feeling a slight tender burn from the overuse of how much you had cum tonight, you would surely feel this burning, and the core aching sensations, the following morning, but as of right now the pain was bearable due to the overwhelming feeling of intense pleasure that was almost within each of your grasps.

You once again catapulted into pleasure, this time without the usual prior warning as you screamed out Bucky’s name over and over again. Bucky’s hips stuttered at the unexpected feeling of you clenching around him so quickly.

Your brain was too far gone to warn him that you were cumming. Bucky could no longer hold on now, he allowed himself the undeniable consuming pleasure of getting lost in ecstasy as he cried into you.

“Oh fuck! I-I-m gonna cum I’m gonna cum I’m gonna f-fucking cum. Oh shit y/n I’m cumming I’m cumming I’m cu—“ Bucky’s body went taught within you when he let out a pained stuttering whimper as his legs began to buckle and shake from the intense pleasure, falling into your slick skin even further. The force of the fountain of creamy sticky seed travelling at lightning speed from his huge painful looking balls and then making the treacherous and long journey of propelling through his creamy white shaft (courtesy of you) and bursting from his uncut head was so powerful that it was directly what had caused him to collapse on top of you. His ass cheeks clenched tightly as he felt a huge continuous load flow deep into your sensitive core.

Screams of “oh” and “ahh” and a litany of curses came from Bucky in rough growls and crying whimpers as he continued to pour his never ending stream into you, slowly rutting in and out only by an inch or so (as he was too desperate to stay close and pinned to you to come out any further) as he began to ride the waves of his earth shattering soul wrenching orgasm.

You were barely conscious, just within your own body enough to feel how powerful his spurts of seed were against your walls. So powerful and so thick in fact that you could actually feel how warm the liquid was as it shot into you at an incredible force.

You felt it stick inside you and cling to your walls as you laid there barely awake and let him breed you fully and deeply.

“Ooh fuck” he cried as he rested his metal palm against your bulging abdomen, feeling where his still rock hard strained cock was nudging your womb and where his continuous spurts of creamy cum were beginning to show as you subtly swelled. Bucky was a super soldier, the advanced serum paired along with his 70 years of involuntary abstinence and touch deprivation had not only meant that he was insatiable enough to meet your own hungry sexual appetite, but it also meant that he had an ungodly somewhat medically alarming amount of cum stored in those heavy balls of his.

That same serum also made sure that he could breed you so full that you’d be satiated enough to pass right out to sleep, hunger fed and womb filled.

Bucky was still sleepily rutting into you and rubbing circles on your abdomen as you too struggled to stay awake, desperate to feel the filling sensation strain your cervix before you would both ultimately pass out together.

“Sssshittt, am still cummin’” he drunkenly slurred in shock into your previously ravished neck, “sucha good girl takin’ all o’it inside, Shh shhh, fuck it’s almost done, little longer, baby” Bucky cooed, sloppily kissing your temple and the side of your face in an attempt to find comfort in his exhausted pussy drunk state.

After a few more minutes, the final spurts of Bucky’s potent seed and been reduced to slow dribbles. Bucky was now planted behind you, spooning your tired form, whispering sweet nothings in to your ear to placate you further.

“Shh, Shh. Did so fucking well for me, doll”

“Lookityou, all swollen and and sleepy and fucked out, this is exactly what it’ll be like when I get you pregnant, honey”

“My good girl, can’t believe how much of my load you took, Jesus, you must be so full right now, doll. No wonder you’re sleepy, that cock putting you right to bed, huh? Good, my future baby mama needs all the rest she can get because I’m no way near fuckiny done with you yet”

“Get some rest, lil mama. I love you so much” Bucky sighed dreamily as he buried his face on to your shoulder blades and continued to rub your abdomen as you sleepily replied that you loved him too, always.

When you woke up after that night, head lying on Bucky’s naked chest, your hand placed upon his peck, you noticed him staring down at you with such love and adoration in his eyes. You beamed up at him, raising your hand to stroke his jaw tenderly when you caught sight of the diamond engagement ring on your finger reflecting the warm rays of the early morning sun peaking through your curtains. You gasped as you took your hand away from his face, Bucky missing your warm touch already, you sat up straight, the covers falling from your naked chest as you brought the ringed had to your face and gazed at it with a mix of shock and awe, your heart beating and pounding in your chest as you slowly turned your head to look back at Bucky who was now full on his side leaning on his arm to watch you with a beaming smile.

No words were needed as you launched yourself at him, Bucky letting out a small “oof” when you fell onto him and launched him on to his back. You peppered his stubbled face with kisses and hugged him tightly as he brought his arms around you and squeezed you back.

“I’ll take that as a yes then?” He asked smugly

“It was always going to be ‘yes’ for you, James. I’m so happy right now”

Bucky’s eyes were glassy as he held back his tears, looking down at you and kissing the top of your head as he held you close.

“Me too, babydoll, me too”

Ever since the night that he made you his fiancé he had been more insatiable than ever. Obsessed with the way your diamond clad hand looks wrapped around his cock, plowing into you with a feral intensity that can only be described as a man desperate to see his future wife full with his children.

His new primal animalistic nature had meant that Bucky would take you anywhere and everywhere when he could no longer hold back his inhibitions, resulting in team members walking in on you both or Bucky just simply ripping you from a chat with natasha and wanda in the living room to fuck you full in the next room and then plonk you back on the sofa all flustered and flushed next to your friends, and stroll out the room with a cocky swagger like nothing had ever happened.

But because of that, it also meant that new recruits had heard you both too. You had started out as a recruit too once when you first met Bucky and fell in love, and now these new recruits unfortunately looked like they had been talking about you both for quite some time which was evident when you overheard their latest conversation as you walked into the gym.

You were a strong independent woman but you weren’t ashamed of the fact that you liked when Bucky took care of you or took charge in the bedroom, just like how Bucky was secure enough in his masculinity to adore how you also took care of him or when he found it undeniably sexy when you took charge in the bedroom. You didn’t really care what people thought about you and your relationship with him. However, it was one thing to assume what people thought of you and tell yourself that you didn’t care, and an entirely other thing to actually hear the words of criticism and hatred out loud. It played on your carefully constructed confidence and self worth, Bucky knew how hard you had worked to maintain a healthy mindset that both kept you positive and determined but also welcomed sadness and anger when it came. Toxic positivity was something you loathed, sadness and anger should be embraced, you should be allowed to cry and wallow for a little while, but it was important to know when to pull yourself back up so as to not get too consumed by it.

You hardly ever cried. You got emotional sometimes, sure, but crying was not something you did often and Bucky had been noticing it more and more. You normally would have given those recruits a piece of your mind so the fact that you started crying was making you cry even more in frustration at yourself.

When Bucky saw you rushing back to the living space you shared with him inside the compound, he went berserk. Bucky knew expressing even negative emotions at times was good for mental health, but it still didn’t mean that on the off chance he saw you cry that it didn’t make him absolutely furious with rage wanting to snap the neck of whatever or whomever reduced you to tears.

“Bucky, wait!” You said through your sniffles as you sobered up to the realisation that he might actually kill these people.

Your pleas fell on deaf ears as he swung the front door open, slamming it against the adjacent wall from the sheer strength he exuded and continued to march down the hall towards the gym.

When he reached the gym doors he launched them off their hinges to the middle of the room as he kicked them open with his black combat boots.

All eyes moved to the looming finger at the end of the gym as he began to approach them methodically.

“Bucky, stop! Please!” You screeched in horror at the chaos he was leaving in his wake.

“Yeah! Why don’t you listen to your slutty little girlfriend!” One of the male recruits shouted across to Bucky. Clearly he was under the impression that Bucky wouldn’t actually kill them or lay a finger on them because they were in the avengers tower surrounded by earths mightiest hero’s, clearly he was wrong.

Bucky’s head snapped in the direction of the idiotic man who insulted you in front of him “what did you just fucking say?” He asked lowly now towering over him to his full height and then crouching slightly to bring his face inches from his and glare into the depths of his soul.

The man gulped. Confident composure crumbling ever so slightly as he realised perhaps he may actually kill me because there is certainly no one coming to his rescue.

“I asked you a fucking question!” He roared as the statement echoed off the gymnasium walls. The other recruits flinched at the loud sound but didn’t move from their spots, rooted to the ground in fear.

In one alarmingly quick and swift mood you watched in fascinated horror as Bucky’s body pressed the man in to the wall, pinning him by his neck with his Vibranium arm.

“I warned you a long long fucking time ago” he sneered nostrils flaring as he fought with himself not to snap the recruits neck “that if you ever. And I mean ever talked about my girl like that again I would fucking skin you alive. So tell me right fucking now why my best girl has come back to our place crying her heart out over some worthless little runts in our gym. Hmm?”

“We-w-w-we’re sorry, man, we didn’t mean anything by it”

Bucky pressed his forearm harder against the man’s throat as he clawed at Bucky’s metal arm. Bucky sensed movement from the corner of his peripheral vision as another recruit moved to sneak up on Bucky and save his friend. Bucky wasted no time in punching the man straight in the face without taking his eyes off the recruit in front of him. He turned away from Bucky and watched in horror as his friend was catapulted across the room.

“Everytime one of your friends tries to interrupt our conversation I’m going to take a finger. It won’t be pretty, I didn’t bring my knife with me so I’ll just have to rip it from its socket with my Vibranium arm. And trust me, I’ve done it before so I know how to do it in the longest most torturous way possible” he growled into the paling man’s face.

Sounds of numerous people’s feet were heard running down the hall to get to the source of all the loud bangs and screaming. Steve slid to a halt at the scene in front of him feeling like he had entered the den of a hungry and feral lion. He could smell the fear in the air, the blood, the sweat, and hear the eerily steady beat of his best friends heart as he towered over the cowering man against the back wall.

Tony, Natasha, and Sam were the only other people in the compound this week so they all came bursting into the room after Steve.

“What the hell is going on in here?!” Tony said as he took sight of the damaged doors and the body of a recruit laying unconscious in the far corner

“Bucky?” Steve asked lowly as he slowly approached his friend, apprehension in his voice as he was worried somehow the winter soldier had returned.

His worries were momentarily erased when he heard his friend reply a “yes, Steven?” In a bored tone.

“Someone better tell me what’s going on right now before I lose my cool!” Tony scolded as he flicked his wrists tapping his arm and bringing his nanotech suit to his hands, arming himself.

“Ah” Bucky chuckled darkly. His back still to the group as the man pressed to the wall was pleading with the avengers over Bucky’s broad shoulders.

He grabbed the man by the back of his neck with his metal arm and twisted them around to face the group.

“We we’re just getting to the bottom of why….” He trailed off and shook the man by his nape

“Jacob” the recruit squeaked our understanding the que

“Why Jacob here didn’t heed my earlier warning to shut the fuck up, and then decided to make my girl over there cry” Bucky gestured to you with Jacob that was still in his harsh grip

The team turned their focus to you as they saw your red rimmed eyes and pale face.

“Y/n?” Natasha whispered “are you okay?” She approached you slowly as you shook your head no and let out a small sob, your shoulders shaking rapidly as you tried to keep in your tears and sadness to yourself. She wrapped you in a warm embrace as she cuddled you to her chest and stroked the back of your head. You curled your arms around her waist and sniffled quietly as she began to coo words of comfort at you.

“So, Jacob, the floor is yours” Bucky said as he threw him ti the ground causing him to let out pained yelp as he fell on to his wrists with s sickening crack.

Bucky crouched next to him as Jacob sobbed “ a few weeks ago Jakey boy here made the unfortunate mistake of saying some disgusting things about y/n when I was within earshot. Started talking about our sex life, calling my future wife a slut and a whore, because his virgin limp dick ass was jealous that a real man knows how to please his girl. Him and his little friends started to talk about how she was easy too”

Natasha looked down at you as she furrowed her brows. Usually you could handle something like that and fight back, probably knock them on their asses, but you didn’t.

“Come on, man” Sam groaned “that’s so stupid and unnecessary, you know white wolf over here has super hearing, not to mention talking about one of our own won’t go well for you”

“Well good luck to you, you’re own your own” Tony said as he let down his arms but continued to watch the free show in front of him

“I warned him. I told him if it wasn’t for my girl in the next room that I would skin him alive for what he said. But then I find my best girl crying in my arms and now I want to know what the FUCK he said to her to make her so upset”

“Friday, audio playback of recruit Jacob Athens and his friends from this room”

“Wait—no!” You shouted as your turned from Natasha’s arms causing Bucky to look at your with a raised brow in confusion

“Yes, sir. The time is currently fifteen hundred hours, what time would you like the audio to play from?” The automated voice rang out through the compounds integrated speakers.

“Tony, please don’t” you pleaded as he looked at your strangely.

“From whenever agent y/n l/n was within normal ear shot of the gym and then till she left the room”

“Very good sir”

A crackling noise was heard as the audio was located and began to play throughout the room.

Shit.

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writingwithcolor · 3 years ago

Text

Gingerbread man as golem

@yaronata asked:

I would like to write a character who is Jewish and uses a Golem. She's based on the D&D class of the artificer which looks magic but isn't, because they produce all their effects with inventions, like the "any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic" quote. Her story is that her very Jewish town was under attack from a terrible monster when she was little. Her Rabbis made a Golem to protect the town, and it succeeded but was torn to pieces in the process. She was fascinated by the Golem and as a kid didn't see a big difference between it's sentience and person's so was really thankful for its sacrifice like you would a person's sacrificing their life for you. They thought all the pieces had been devoured by the monster before it died, but she went looking and found the piece used to animate the Golem, which she, kinda misunderstanding called its "heart". She kept the piece and grew up to be an incredibly skilled cook, specialising as a baker in the town. I imagine she would make a lot of really good food for the Jewish holidays, or to break fasts on ones like Yom Kippur or Tish'abav. But she also made a town specific holiday to honour the Golem's sacrifice and the town still being alive, because I feel "we are not dead woo" is a big theme for Jewish holidays from my research, so it could fit, for which she invented ginger bread men to be the golem, and gave them little "hearts" of fruit or honey, and you're meant to eat them limb by limb like the beast did before eating the heart. This would be the inspiration for using the "heart" piece later to make her own giant gingerbread Golem to help her save the world.

These are my questions 1) would it be considered bad or disrespectful for someone who isn't a Rabbi to make a Golem, or is this method of taking an animating piece someone else made disrespectful? 2) Her journey will take her far from her town and her Jewish family and friends and she will likely travel with gentiles. Would it be disrespectful for a Golem to be used to protect a lot of gentiles and one Jew in the course of saving the world? I don't want to fall into the stereotype of someone putting all their effort into valuing and protecting very specifically the group that in real life is oppressive to them. 3) While she is not using magic and is actually mimicking its effects with technology she invents, is this drawing too close to the line of "magical Jew"? 4) I like to "play test" my characters in ttrpgs to really get a feel for them before I write. Would it be disrespectful to play a Jewish character when I am a gentile, and would it be disrespectful to play a Jewish character in a setting where there are demonstrably real gods other than the one of Judaism?

I really like this character idea and I think it's cute and fun and rooted in Jewish culture but I really want to make sure it's respectful and as good as I, a gentile researching on the internet, thinks it is. Thanks so much! Have a nice day!

My answer to this is very complicated because there are things I both like and do not like about this premise. First of all, I love the idea of a cookie golem, and I'm even imagining the magic word that brings him to life (EMET/truth) would be written in icing. And I'm okay with the part about how she found a piece of the old golem and used it to build a new golem, because that makes sense for a golem made from a baked good when you think about how people use sourdough starter to make a new batch of sourdough.

However, here are the thing that make me cock my head to the side like my little sister's German shepherd:

1. re: "magical Jew" - that's not a trope I've ever heard of. Remember, marginalized groups don't receive identical disrespect across the board. It is indeed a trope to use Black people or disabled people as supernatural plot devices who exist only to further the stories of white main characters or able-bodied main characters. But I can't say as I've ever seen anyone using Jewishness that way. Usually if we are someone's one-dimensional plot device it's as someone's lawyer, fixer, "money guy", etc, not a supernatural force. So this isn't something you have to worry about.

2. I have a certain level of discomfort with you playing as a Jewish character just because playacting as a marginalized culture you're not part of strikes me as off, but I understand that that's how you gain insight into a character you're about to write so it's more of a writing exercise than anything else. (I wonder if D&D regulars from marginalized groups have written about this -- I've only played a few times casually with family so if I did run into this type of discussion in my social justice reading I wouldn't have absorbed it. If anyone is curious I played first as Captain Werewolf, and then switched to playing as Cinnamon Blade because lawful good was too hard. :P )

3. I would prefer you omit the detail about eating the cookies piece by piece symbolically, for two reasons: a. it unintentionally evokes Communion by having appreciative people consume a baked good symbolic of an entity who sacrificed his life for theirs, and b. focusing on the details of flesh consumption reminds me too much of Blood Libel (yes, a gingerbread man is in the shape of a person but how many of us actually think about it literally, the way this act would cause?)

As to your first question: I'm fine with her making a golem even though she's just a rando. Second question: I see what you're saying and maybe it could be more okay if it's really clear how well these gentile folks are treating her? And questions three and four are answered above.

I really do love the idea of a giant gingerbread man golem. Cookie golem T_T <3

--Shira

I would like to second Shira’s point about not ripping apart the gingerbread cookies. I honestly would prefer they were used as decoration, and other cookies eaten instead, since that part just feels so not-Jewish to me, but I don’t have golem-specific issues other than that. It seems like you have already been doing a lot of research, which is appreciated.

As far as the ttrpg/DnD aspect… I bounce back and forth on the topic of playing characters that are so very different from our experiences, other than in fantasy-related ways. However, I am aware that a lot of people will play with, and experiment with gender in game, and learn something about themselves in the process (the number of trans players of ttrpgs who tried out their gender in game before they were out is high). It’s different with Judaism, and even more significantly different when it comes to things you can’t convert into, like various actual, real-world races. But because people do sometimes experience growth from experiences like this, I’m hesitant to dissuade players completely. I do urge you to, at a minimum, bring the same care, research, and willingness to learn, that you brought to this question.

--Dierdra

This sounds like a creative storyline that you could have lots of fun with 😊

At first I was confused by this part:

She also made a town specific holiday to honour the Golem's sacrifice

But then you really got me thinking about different types of Jewish holidays and how they come about, so thank you for that!

Because it’s often the little details that either make a story super powerful or kind of nonsensical, I think it would be a good idea to decide what type of holiday is being created here:

A full-blown chag with restrictions on labour and halachic obligations? These are commanded in Torah and new ones can’t be added.

A minor yom tov with halachic obligations but no restrictions? These were instituted by the rabbis prior to the destruction of the Temple, so again new ones can’t be added.

A public holiday or equivalent? This would usually be declared by the Knesset in Israel, and filter to the rest of the Jewish world from there.

A community-based yom tov with specific customs only for people in the know, such as certain Chasidic groups celebrating the birthdays of their deceased leaders? I asked around, but no one can really tell me how these holidays get started, which is probably a good indication that they arise quite organically from a group of people who all just feel that it should be celebrated. Probably not created by a single person, as such.

Something she runs from her bakery, not religion-based, but more like a day of doing special products and deals the way many small businesses do on their anniversary?

Now, if the people of a modern-day town were actually saved by a real live Golem, that would arguably be the most overt miracle for many generations, so there would be a decent chance of options 3 and/or 4 happening. It’s entirely plausible that there could be special foods for this day that become a tradition, including Golem cookies. People who directly benefited might also return to the site where the Golem fought the monster and recite the prayer, ‘Blessed is Hashem, Master of the Universe, Who performed a miracle for me in this place.’

Alternatively, if it’s important that your MC created the holiday, something like option 5 might be the best. Hopefully this will still fulfil what you need: you describe her as incredibly skilled, so I can imagine the day when she goes all out on the Golem cookies being one of the most exciting events of the year for the townspeople, just because her baking is that good. Plus, they already have a personal stake in the Golem’s sacrifice, so I definitely think it could be a thing without being an official holiday. Also, if she is outside of an all-Jewish environment, don’t forget that she would have to decide whether to commemorate the anniversary in the Hebrew calendar or the local one.

Coming back to the cookies, sorry if we’re getting a little repetitive on this point! But I don’t see the cookies being torn limb from limb as part of a celebration. First of all, this doesn’t sound like a very celebratory thing to do, to say the least. Can you imagine explaining that to a three-year-old on their first Yom HaGolem? They would be terrified! (I don’t read this suggestion as accidental anti-Semitism so much as getting carried away with a metaphor, which I’m sure as writers we have all done!)

But also, it’s worth pointing out that our commemorative foods aren’t usually that literal. If you think about hamantaschen, maror, or apple in honey, they’re all symbols. That’s not to say that having Golem-shaped cookies is a problem, as this sounds like just a bit of fun that the MC is having and not something that is directly at odds with Judaism or Jewish culture. But it’s worth bearing in mind that the more literal you go from there in terms of tying the cookies to the event they commemorate, the less culturally aligned your holiday food becomes.

Finally, about the Golem protecting non-Jewish people: I like this idea! There’s a stereotype that we only use whatever is at our disposal to help ourselves and other Jewish people, so a Golem being created by Jews but helping others as well is a big plus for me. Of course, as has already been pointed out, this would be an odd choice if her Saving The World team were anti-Semitic or otherwise disrespectful to her/her community, but I don’t think you were headed that way!

-Shoshi

I have to come back in here just to squee over the phrase “Yom HaGolem.” Well done :D

--Shira

#asks #Jewish #dnd #golem #food #Jewish stereotypes

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sukirichi · 4 years ago

Text

— falling out of love with gojo satoru

warnings: angst, mentions of sexual content, cursing

masterlist !

when you fell in love with gojo satoru, your heart exploded like a firework.

you still remember that moment very vividly at the back of your head. it was new year’s, and you two were drunk on both liquor and the feeling of having the other by your side. it was a tough year – as the norm was for jujutsu sorcerers – but you both made it out alive.

alive couldn’t even begin to describe how you felt that day.

satoru has always been the person who stuck by your side through thick and thin like how you were the one who always went against the higher-ups when they tried to limit his capabilities. you should’ve known then, that the higher ups were just the beginning. that when once you thought their oppression for satoru’s plans were nothing but microscopical compared to the barrier his family had placed between the both of you.

they didn’t like you.

he was a gojo, the strongest jujutsu sorcerer, while you were...well, you.

you weren’t really anyone special or better than anyone. your technique was decent and had a lot more drawbacks than advantages that you had to improve your physical abilities instead to not be deemed a total useless tool.

satoru never saw you that way. to him, he admired you almost as equally as he cherished his best friend, suguru, so much so that the three of you become the best of friends in the blink of an eye. the more time you spent together, whether alone or with others, it felt like your world just hyper focused or snapped into tunnel vision, zeroing on no one else but the white-haired man whose smile was brighter than any other in the sky.

when he told you he loved you, you couldn’t distinguish which ones were the exploding new year fireworks or the drumming of your heart. you stared up at him then, lips falling open as you released a tiny breath of air, and satoru laughed. he actually laughed.

you wanted to tease him, to punch him even though you couldn’t really ever touch him just to get over the fact he had you losing your composure with eyes glossing over. “well,” he taunted then, one shoulder lifting up lazily. “aren’t you gonna say anything? if you feel the same way, now’s the best time to tell me. we can end the year as friends and start another one as-”

satoru never got to finish his sentence. you had jumped into his arms faster than the speed of light, hands yanking down his yukata to pull him towards you, your lips slamming on his almost greedily.

he didn’t mind. he never did.

for once, it felt as if his infinity never existed. you had both spent the night tangled under the sheets, your name rasped from his lips like a prayer. the way you kneeled for him just moments later with your eyes fervently closed made him feel like he’s the one being worshipped instead, and in a way, it was. you loved him – way too much that you no longer cared how much it would hurt the day after when he never gave you a break and kept you pulled closer to him.

you loved him – way too much that you no longer cared how much it would hurt if ever the time came that you no longer felt the same.

contrary to how you fell for him, you fell out of love with your best friend quietly. your shared apartment would still be filled with his annoying mannerism of dragging his feet over the floor as he walked, always groaning and complaining that he was hungry but never really bothered to cook anything for himself.

it felt a lot like living with a child where you were his mother, but in that sense, satoru hated it whenever you worried for him.

“you’re not my mother, stop telling me what to do!”

“stop being so arrogant, satoru!” you pointed to the barely conscious child in his arms, the first year student still barely breathing because satoru had gone out of his way again and brought yuuji while he fought a special grade curse. “you may be strong, but not everyone around you is capable of handling what you can! stop dragging people into your mess and start using your goddamn brain for once!”

“you don’t know anything, so shut the hell up.”

you scoffed, hands placed on your hip while you blinked back the angry tears that threatened to fell. you worried for yuuji, you really did, but in reality, you just couldn’t handle seeing gojo pushing himself to his limits and coming back home more wounded than the night before.

“i’m just worried for you, satoru. i don’t want you getting hurt.”

“i’m the strongest,” was all he said – was what he always kept saying. “i’m not going to get hurt.”

“you may not,” you reply stiffly, “but what about me? don’t you think about me? don’t you think about how much it hurts me to see you this way?”

you told yourself you hated him. you hated how arrogant he got. it was good he was confident of his abilities and prided himself of such an honourable title, but satoru was human. he was bound to fall at some point.

eventually, you got too tired.

it was too tiring to keep waiting for him to come home unscathed. you were assigned different missions all the time. satoru would always be working overseas while you mostly helped train the kids and exorcised curses from time to time; no missions that were as dangerous as his.

in the dead of the night, when you were turned away from him in your bed that had already gotten so cold from his usual absence, satoru would slip beside you as silently as he could. the morning afterwards would always be the same: good morning, did you sleep well? he knew the answer. he knew you never slept well without him, but he’d ask just to be nice, and it wouldn’t take too long before you’re both late to work because he missed you too much from being away all the time that he wanted to feel you clamp around him one more time.

it was tiring. too tiring.

that heavy weight never left your shoulders. you cried yourself to sleep far too much that you’d lost count – until you reached a point you just felt nothing. the bed no longer felt cold – just empty. his side always remained untouched, his chair in the dining table barely used, and you’ve gotten so used of washing only your plate and utensils that you wondered if satoru had ever been there.

you wondered if it was a coping mechanism; that maybe you could just no longer handle the pain of having to worry about him every damn night and he’d never care enough to at least be a little more careful, and this was why you just stopped missing him, which was why you just started enjoying the silence in your apartment a little bit more than you should.

but if it was a coping mechanism...why did you feel a lot freer and happier in his absence? instead of it feeling like you were supposed to be distracted, you felt awakened. alive.

alive in the same way he told you he loved you while the skies painted different hues of red, blue, green, and yellow in the darkness that bore witness to your souls connecting that night – the same sky that was now patiently watching as your souls split in half and formed itself whole all over again.

contrary to how you fell for him, you fell out of love with your best friend quietly.

there was no longer someone singing made up songs in the shower. there would no longer be that sound of an annoying loud kiss down the bride of your neck or the smacking of his palm on your ass when he wanted to piss you off.

you fell out of love him so silently that when he crawled next to you that night, you didn’t even hear him. and for the first time in a long time, you slept well the moment he left before the sun stretched its wings across the horizon. when you were greeted by nothing but your own pair of slippers outside your bedroom and not even a post it note to tell you he’d already left for work, a smile tugged on your face.

you made your breakfast in peace. satoru no longer dared to come back home if he was injured because he knew you wouldn’t care enough to fix him up.

although of course you would, but nothing ever beats in your heart for him anymore when you dab the disinfectant across his cut lips. satoru would catch your wrist then to tug you to him slowly, empty eyes staring back at his sky blue ones.

“thank you. for patching me up.”

“you’re welcome,” you’d smile, climbing off his lap while closing the first aid-kit. “go get changed. i’ll cook something up for you.”

it was a silent, empty routine. satoru would thank you for fixing him up because he was never every sorry for worrying you. he’d keep being reckless again and again until he reached a point you no longer cared for him enough to say goodbye to him with a kiss and the slow, tender promise of be safe – i’ll wait for you to come home.

you still kiss him – more out of habit than anything – but you’ve changed.

i’ll see you tonight.

it was empty, silent, completely different from the fireworks he’d ignited within you when he told you he loved you. satoru wasn’t dumb, and he didn’t need his six eyes to see that you’ve grown too comfortable over the large space between you and him between the sofa, almost as if him being away was what felt home for you.

he was never a confrontational man; he hated each waking moment that lead to this, but he had to do it. he needed to do it – to set you both free.

when the commercials started playing, satoru lowered the volume down, voice low and serious as he turned to you. you easily picked up on the sudden tension in the room – the first thing you’ve felt ever since you’ve fallen out of love with him – yet nothing changed. when satoru sighed, your heart didn’t ache.

“well,” he chuckled nervously as he leant back to his side, “things have changed, don’t you think?”

“yes.” there was no point denying it. you knew it – he felt it.

“what do we do now?”

you had no answer to his question. despite the fact you no longer looked at him the same way, not once had it crossed your mind to leave your apartment. not because you wanted to hold on as much as possible to whatever memories you shared under this roof, but simply because you didn’t know where else to go.

it wasn’t like it made a difference anyway. satoru barely came home, and when he did, he made his presence as scarce as possible that you could no longer tell what difference it would make if he was here or not.

“i don’t know,” you admitted, knees hugged to your chest. “what do you want to do?”

his answer came in the form of opened doors. you leant against the doorframe, watching as nanami and even yuuji came to help satoru move his stuff out of the apartment. he found a better place somewhere in the upstate, somewhere much closer to bars and clubs – which you know he thoroughly enjoyed it prior to meeting you – and your mind immediately went back to the time you and satoru first moved in.

it proved to be a difficult task. you both wanted to move in and finish unpacking as soon as possible, but satoru was too eager to christen each part and corner of the house that you both ended up making more mess.

nights spent tucked into each other because the heater was broken and you were both too tired to sleep anywhere except the uncomfortable mattress played like a broken record in your mind. satoru’s laughter echoed when nanami complained that he should stop spending money on souvenirs so he could’ve hired professionals to help him move out instead, your head snapping up at the source of that carefree, sweet laugher that always had butterflies erupting in your stomach.

as if feeling your gaze on him, satoru’s eyes flitted to where you stood. when he smiled, you could tell each genuine apology rang behind it – all the words he never got to say staying like a broken glass that kept cutting him over and over again.

he loved you. he still loves you.

and maybe, tucked away in the deepest parts of your heart that no longer felt fond of him the same way it did before, still held a little compassion enough for this man you once wanted to spend your life with.

you weren’t unkind. you didn’t need to love someone to know when to forgive them, but just for this moment, just for him, you could pretend to for one last time.

smiling up at him with your eyes crinkled and the last bits of adoration for everything about him gleamed through your lashes just before it slipped away into nothingness. it was enough. it was enough for satoru to know he’d been forgiven, and it was enough for him to finally set you free.

the next time you saw him at school, there were no longer fireworks.

your heart was at peace.

#gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #gojo x reader fluff #gojo x reader angst #gojo x reader smut #gojo-satoru-x-reader #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojo satoru #gojo satoru x reader fluff #gojo satoru x reader angst #gojo x reader imagines #gojo x reader drabbles #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jujutsu kaisen drabbles #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jujutsu kaisen gojo satoru

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captains-simp · 3 years ago

Note

Yelena Belova + Fake dating Au!! pls 🥲 :)

I've been waiting for someone to pick the fake dating one *fist pumps air* I'm gonna combine this with your other request if that's okay

"I think I'm inlove with you."

Warnings: shitty family and homophobia

7.7k words

A/n: if y'all want me to do this oneshot again but with Wanda (cos I'm a lazy hoe) just lemme know 👀 I think it would work pretty well 👀

[ masterlist ]

Buy me a coffee ☕

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"Pleeaasse, Lena." You pouted once again. You had been begging Yelena for the favour for an hour now; her stubborness was proving hard to overcome.

"I'm busy." Yelena said, her accent strong as she walked around her appartment to collect things for her next mission.

"But will you be busy on the 10th?" You asked from the couch where you watched her disappear into various rooms as she talked.

"I thought you said it was a few days." Yelena quipped, seemingly only giving you half her attention.

"It is." You confirmed with some hope.

"So I'd need to clear my schedule for more than just the 10th." You huffed and rested your head on the back of couch.

"Yes you would. I'm sure Natasha can manage without you for a few days."

"I wouldn't be too sure about that." She muttered.

"Please, Lena." You tried. "I need a win." Yelena stopped by the kitchen counter and gave you a long, considering look. You had long given up on your puppy dog eyes and instead copied her expression as you chewed on your bottom lip.

"I'll think about it." Yelena finally said before grabbing something from the cupboard.

It was the best response you had gotten all night and you knew you wouldn't get anything more. So you accepted it and hoped for the best.

Your parents had invited you to their cabin for a few days just like they did every year. It was a beautiful place. You could spend your whole visit in the forest along the back. Or swimming in the clear lake that was a short walk away. The cabin itself was the cosiest place you had ever been and had been where some of your best memories had happened as a kid.

As you got older things changed. Being around your family, especially your parents, wasn't as enjoyable. They had high expectations for their children, expectations that your siblings had met without a problem but ones that you had struggled with.

You enjoyed your life. You had the kind of relationships you had always hoped for, you loved your job and you had the perfect balance of the two. But you could never shake the feeling that you had failed.

Your brother was a surgeon who always told you all stories of the lives he saved and the close calls he had swooped in to save people from. One of your sisters was some hot shot lawyer who had done great things like help people wrongly convicted but still put dangerous people back on the street. And your other sister was the CEO of an energy company that you never quite understood. They even all had equally successful partners who loved to talk about themselves as much as your siblings did. You didn't have any of that. But you did have Yelena.

Knowing the Avengers was the only thing about you your family took interest in. They were always subtly hinting at wanting to meet your friends. But you knew the Avengers had to endure enough fan service and didn't want to push your family onto them, especially with how annoying they all were.

However as your family's unrealistic expectations reached their all time high you were sure you wouldn't be able to handle another trip with them without a win, and you were far too petty to take the moral high ground and just not go. Not to mention that was a huge part of you that was dying to see what the Yelena girlfriend experience would entail. Yep, that was what you were asking of Yelena. To pretend to be your partner for the duration of the trip.

"When are you going?" You asked, changing the subject in hopes that Yelena wouldn't suddenly conclude she didn't want to do it (then you really would have to ask one of the others).

You knew it wasn't a smart choice. That if Yelena agreed your crush on her could get out of hand. You knew you would end up getting too caught up in the act. You could have, no - should have - asked Natasha or Wanda or even Carol if she was around. But your family knew you were the closest with Yelena and she would be the one it felt the most natural with, and the most believable. At least, that was what you told Yelena.

"Tomorrow." Yelena answered, keeping her focused tone.

"When will you be back?" You attempted to keep the concern out of your voice but the glance Yelena gave you told you you hadn't done a good job.

"The day after." She said, softer this time. You nodded as you looked down at your lap and tried not to think about everything that could possibly go wrong on her mission.

"Be safe." Yelena strolled over to you and placed her hand gently ontop of yours and gave it a quick squeeze.

"Always."

"Got any plans Saturday night?" Natasha smirked knowingly at her friend as they preped for their mission.

"No." Yelena replied as she slotted a spare gun into her leg harness.

"Nothing with y/n then?" Nat asked, partly genuinely but mostly knowing Yelena would still say no.

"No." Yelena said again, biting the inside of her cheek in consideration before speaking again. "Not this Saturday."

Natasha raised an eyebrow in surprise and interest. Yelena rarely made any kind of special plans with you as you would always hang out casually so it was never anything fancy or different that needed planning. She had always wanted to though.

"Plans for another time?" Nat continued as she double checked her pack.

"Maybe, I'm still thinking about it." The redhead turned fully to her friend at her words, confused at why Yelena was hesitant to spend time with you. "She wants me to go to the cabin with her and her family." Nat had heard all about the infamous cabin and your family.

"That sounds fun." Nat nodded. The cabin sounded fun. Your family did not.

"As her girlfriend." Nat's eyes widened excitedly but before she could speak Yelena clarified. "Her pretend girlfriend."

Nat paused and looked as though she was going to speak for several seconds until she stuck to just giving a confused look.

"Yeah." Yelena sighed. "Thinks it would seem impressive." Yelena had tried not to be hurt over that. She knew you weren't just friends with her to show her off to people, because you never did. But it hurt her to think the only time you could see her in a romantic way was when you were pretending.

"Well," Nat muttered as she adjusted the zip along the front of her catsuit. "Fake it till you make it." It was Yelena's turn to give Nat a questioning look. "Maybe it'll be an eye opener for her."

"You think I should do it?" Yelena asked, fully open to hearing and accepting her friend's advice in that area.

"Definelty." Nat confirmed. She wasn't sure about it for the reasons she said though. Yelena's crush on you was obvious to everyone except you, just as it was vice versa.

You had been overjoyed when Yelena told you she would come with you to the cabin and play along as your girlfriend. She had told you when she came back from her mission, in fact it was the first thing she said after she had let herself into your appartment.

It was never really brought up after that, but you couldn't deny you were incredibly anxious on the week leading up to the visit.

On the drive up to the cabin you and Yelena stayed in a comfortable silence most of the time, clearly both lost in thought. You had the radio on for background noise more than anything else, but you would occasionally lightly tap the steering wheel if there was a tune you recognised, oblivious to Yelena's acknowledging smiles.

"So what's the plan?" Yelena asked as she looked at you expectantly. Right, of course the spy wanted a strategy.

"Keep things simple, I guess. They know how we met already so we can just say at some point we took things a step further than friendship." Yelena didn't seem convinced at the simplicity of that. "Look they're not going to want to hear about us, not much at least. They prefer the sound of their own voices, they'll be trying to impress you is all."

"Impress me?" Yelena asked.

"Yeah, hope you warm up to them so one day they can invite you to their snobby parties." Yelena chuckled as she glanced out of the window, knowing there was a lot of truth to what you said.

"And what are those like?" She enquired curiously.

"I wouldn't know, I've never been invited." You said simply. You had gotten over that a long time ago, gotten used to being forgotten. Yelena clearly hadn't though.

"It will be an honour to turn them down." Yelena said. You shook your head and smiled at her. That did sound pretty nice.

When the cabin came into sight between the trees your nerves spiked. You figited in your seat and bit your lip when you saw some of your family gathered outside, their attention instantly on you. You shot Yelena a quick smile which she returned before you got out of the car.

"Y/n! So nice of you to come." You mum said as her eyes flickered to Yelena more than you. She opened her arms for the shortiest hug in human history before turning to Yelena. "You must be Yelena, we've heard so much." You mum insisted as she brought Yelena in for a hug too.

The blonde raised her eyebrows at you over your mum's shoulder and you bite back a laugh. The others came over to greet you and mainly Yelena in a rush, overwhelming both of you.

"You too will be in the upstairs bedroom on the left." Your mum told you as you went to grab your bags. You did a double take, convinced you had heard her wrong. That was the best room in the house. A big difference from being in the small room in the basement every other time you had been there.

"First one on the left." Your dad confirmed. There was no way your parents were going to be in the basement so you wondered who else had been moved around but didn't ask, knowing whoever it was wasn't going to be happy.

You and Yelena made your way up to the room and you couldn't help but smile at the sight of the spacious room and the door you knew led to your en suite.

"That was...a lot." Yelena summarised as she said her bag under the bed.

"I would tell you it gets better but I don't want to get your hopes up." You sighed as you got a couple of things out.

"It's just a few days." Yelena said despite the fact you should have been assuring her.

"Yeah." You nodded and stared down at the floor. "Now c'mon." You suddenly said as you took ahold of Yelena's hand and laced your fingers together. You missed the startled blush that crept onto her cheeks when you turned around.

Your family were sat outside whispering amongst themselves when you returned. Their interested gaze fell to your entwined hands in an instant.

"So you work with the Avengers?" Your brother, Dalton, said as soon as you both sat down.

"I do." Yelena said as she continued to hold onto your hand.

"Must be crazy, what are they like?" He enquired.

"They're good." Yelena said simply. Everyone clearly expected something more but Yelena pretended not to notice making you smile.

"I almost did business with Stark once, decided against it in the end." Claire announced proudly. You and Yelena exchanged knowing glances. Stark had told you all about his encounter with your sister, it definetly wasn't her turning him down.

"I was invited to one of his parties." Anna said quickly. "I was busy that night unfortunately."

Bull. Shit.

"Yes I remember working with Doctor Strange when he was still in the medical profession." You gave Yelena an I-told-you-so look as your family erupted into conversation over who had the most contact with the heroes. That had to be a new record of how quickly they started talking about themselves.

They continued like that until your mum called everyone in for dinner. The food smelt undeniably amazing as you took your place at the table next to Yelena and eyed the dishes infront of you. Your parents efforts to impress the blonde weren't all that bad.

Your family continued to catch up and and you and Yelena half listened as you ate. They were all doing as well for themselves as ever and still hadn't learnt any modesty.

Although you were proud of your siblings for what they had all achieved, Yelena had stopped four potentially devastating bombs going off in the space of half an hour a week before but she wasn't going to bring that up anytime soon. Eventually though, the attention turned to you to bring you out of your silence.

"And you're still working in that little café, y/n?" Your mum asked curiously.

"I own it, mum." You corrected quietly as you stabbed some pieces on your plate.

"Ah yes, quite the contrast though, isn't it. Between you two." She said as she pointed at you and Yelena with her fork. You didn't say anything to that because you felt there really wasn't anything to say in response. It wasn't like you hadn't thought that exact thing every now and then.

"The team loves it." Yelena said suddenly making everyone, including you, look at her in slight surprise from speaking up. It hadn't taken your family long to learn Yelena wasn't much of a talker, not to them anyway. You couldn't get her to shut up half the time. "At least one of us goes everyday. If we're lucky we all can. Nothing beats it." She defended simply before turning back to her food to show she wasn't going to say anymore. You smiled down at your plate at her words and the truth of them.

No one said anything in response, clearly shocked from this new information until Dalton spoke up.

"But doesn't Stark like fancy, top of the line, restaurants? I can't imagine him in some random coffee shop, no offence sis." He nodded towards you though you knew he didn't mean it. He couldn't let you have just one win.

"That random coffee shop has catered some of Stark's parties. Not that many though." A smug smile crept onto Dalton's face as he opened his mouth to make a snarky remark but Yelena cut him down again. "Because y/n's invited to the rest as a guest and a close friend." Your family stared at you with open mouths.

"You've been invited to Stark's parties?!" Anna exclaimed. In your defence, your family never wanted to hear about your life so you never got the chance to tell them anything.

"It's not really my crowd." You shrugged. "I just go to hang out with them after." Dalton's jaw clenched in annoyance and he didn't say anything for the rest of dinner. It was only really your mum who kept talking. Telling everyone about her latest travels that fell on death ears.

It was certainly a first for your family.

When everyone had finished their food you and Yelena excused yourselves and said goodnight before retiring to your room. Yelena shut the door gently as you collapsed onto the bed on your back and glared at the ceiling. The blonde shuffled around quietly to get her toothbrush and toothpaste and some other things you weren't really paying attention to and went into the bathroom.

When she came back out she was in her bedclothes and lifted your feet off the floor to turn you so you could fully lay on the bed. You smiled at her weakly.

"You should go get changed." Yelena said as she got her laptop out her bag. "Then you can pick a movie." She announced when she had gotten under the covers and started her laptop. You smiled more and nodded.

You tried not to think about your family and everything they had said at dinner as you got changed but it proved difficult. Everything they had said echoed around in your head but most of all you couldn't shake the disregarding ways they said it. It was as though you could do no right with them. Maybe they would never be proud no matter what you did.

You placed your toothbrush back I'm the holder and rinsed your mouth before heading back into the bedroom to an awaiting Yelena.

You got under the covers next to her and rested your head on her shoulder as you glanced at the Netflix screen and pointed to one of the comedy movies. About ten minutes into the movie Yelena spoke. "You okay?" She whispered as she continued to look at the screen although that wasn't where her focus was.

"Yeah." You whispered back.

"Promise?" She said after a second." You moved your head away so you could see Yelena clearly.

"I'm so glad you're here." You said honestly. She smiled and nodded as her eyes searched yours.

"I'm glad I'm here too." You knew Yelena wasn't glad she had to spend the time with your family. She was glad that she could support you despite their efforts to bring you down. You were incredibly lucky to have her.

You rested your head back on her shoulder and neither of you spoke for the rest of the movie. Or the rest of the night. You must have fallen asleep about half an hour in.

Yelena wasn't much of an intimate person. She made the odd exception with you and Natasha, but always seemed to refrain or hold herself back from being too close to you. So when you woke up and couldn't tell where your limbs started and Yelena's ended, you were surprised to say the least.

You were resting your head on her rising chest and had your arm slung across her stomach. Your legs were tangled together and her arms were holding onto your waist. A warmth spread through you and you decided to settle back into her hold and closed your eyes with a content smile.

You had about ten minutes to enjoy that before Yelena woke up. You could feel the moment she realized you were so close, she physically froze. You waited in anticipation for something for several moments until your friend very slowly unhooked her legs and guided your body to lay against the mattress and pillows as she slipped out of bed towards the bathroom.

You sighed when you heard the door close and rubbed your eyes slowly, knowing you should get up but wishing more than anything that you could return to how you woke up.

"Morning." Yelena croaked when she left the bathroom and saw you sitting up in bed.

"Morning." You said back with a smile and tried not to focus on how ridiculously attractive her voice sounded.

You gathered some random clothes into a bundle and went into the bathroom to change again and brush your teeth. When you came out Yelena was pulling her shirt over her head and gave you a generous view of her toned stomach. Your face heated up when you saw it and you turned away to pretend you hadn't seen when Yelena noticed you.

"Don't make a sound." Yelena warned. You glanced up at her with some confusion. "I don't think your family's awake yet, that means we get the kitchen to ourselves." She grinned and you did too.

You and Yelena had gotten so used to getting up early for your jobs you forgot other people would still be sleeping. It was hard to break out of the habit but it proved useful.

The pair of you made a quick breakfast and ate it outside thanks to the warm weather even at that time. But soon enough your parents came downstairs and ruined the peaceful atmosphere with the clanging of pots and loud convosations.

You wandered around the side of the house and saw the old table tennis table that bad been folded away years ago and hadn't been set up since. You went over and started setting it up when Yelena joined you and eyed the table with a glimmer of mischief.

The blonde was the most competitive person you had ever met, you learnt that over a simple game of snakes and ladders years ago.

"You played this before?" You asked convosationally.

"I have." She said as you both automatically took up your positions of opposite ends of the table.

"Me too." You said confidently. "A lot." Yelena hummed in acknowledgment and swivelled her bat in her hand and stood ready. You smiled at her seriousness for the game.

You served surprisingly well for someone who hadn't played in a few years and Yelena was able to hit it back with ease. Once you had developed a steady pace you started hitting the ball more daringly to Yelena who was caught off guard before she started doing the same.

The moment you missed the ball a smug grin started on Yelena's face, her arrogance stopped her being aware of you suddenly sending the ball back her way until it was too late.

"That wasn't fair!" She exclaimed childishly.

"That was tables tennis." You said seriously but started smiling again. Yelena rolled her eyes and flipped you off as she trudged back to the table and served the ball with force. You managed to send it back but took a step away from the table in caution.

You continued like that for a while. The competition tension rising as you picked up the pace, one of you occasionally getting a point before the other evened it out.

At one point you were vaguely aware of Dalton sauntering over to see what you were doing and arched his brow at the sight of the table.

"We still have this thing?" He questioned and you hummed quietly in response, too focused on the game.

"Hey Claire! Get over here, we're playing table tennis." You rolled your eyes at the intrusive and could sense Yelena refraining from doing the same until an idea popped into your head.

You caught the ball in your hand and smiled at Yelena's protests as you moved round to her side of the table just as your sister came out.

"I didn't even know we still had this." Claire laughed as she picked up another bat from the box.

"Maybe we should take it back with us." Yelena whispered to you and you bit your lip to contain your smile because yes, yes you should. Inevitably, your siblings sucked at table tennis.

You had suspected as much you just never thought they would be as bad as they were. They missed almost every hit and everytime they did they got increasingly angry, which meant they ended up flaring their arms around like idiots. It was a memory you would be sure to treasure.

"Stupid game" and "probably broken" kept echoing across the table until your siblings finally stormed off to throw a tantrum.

The rest of the day went by quietly. You and Yelena sat by the lake for most of the afternoon to enjoy the sun and heat. You reveled in the most recent memories of your siblings embarrassment and had to keep hushing down to childish whispered whoever one of them was nearby.

Surprisingly, dinner went by peacefully too. You weren't asked anymore questions at the table. Instead, your family were content with talking about their upcoming plans between stealing glances at you and Yelena that the blonde never failed to notice.

The pair of you slipped off to your room the first moment you got and easily fell into bed besides one another. Yelena picked out a horror movie instantly making you groan into her shoulder as she giggled.

She settled down beside you and within the first few jumpscares she slowly wrapped an arm around your shoulder so you could sink into her further. You were barely paying attention to the film after that.

Despite the chilling scenes of the film, you couldn't help but want to melt under the warmth of your best friend. You hoped it was something you got to experience more, you felt safer than you ever had in Yelena's arms.

Little did you know that having you in her arms was the most comforting feeling Yelena had ever experienced.

You had thought waking up in Yelena's arms the morning before had been the best thing to awake to. But that day when you woke up not only were your legs tangled together again but the blonde was slowly stroking your hair while your head rested on her chest. It was a gradual gesture that maintained a perfect rhythm and made you want to fall back asleep. But you were afraid you would mistake it for a dream later on. No, it was definitely real.

Luckily, your head was already tilted upwards slightly so when you secretly opened your eyes to risk a peek at your friend you saw her staring out the window as though she was in a trance. She was clearly so deep in thought she hadn't noticed you wake up, you had never seen her like it. But the feeling was too good to ignore, too compelling.

Soon enough, you found yourself drifting off back to sleep.

When you woke up again Yelena was gone. Her absence left am emptiness you knew wasn't good for you. As the days of your visit went on your fake relationship with Yelena was going to effect you even more when it was over.

Over...you couldn't think about that.

Once you got up and got changed you found Yelena in the kitchen looking at the news on her phone as she sipped her coffee.

"Morning, honey." You grinned. Yelena blushed slightly into her coffee, something you thought was undeniably adorable.

"Morning yourself." She tried to play off smoothly making you grin more.

You made breakfast for you both just as your mum came into the kitchen and greeted you both with an overplayed smile, already talking to Yelena about an upcoming party that she should go to. Yelena mumbled something about a full schedule as you managed to whisp her away outside with your food.

Eventually, you and Yelena became bored with sitting around in the house when you had such amazing surroundings on your doorstep. You declared that you were going on a walk with the blonde and left before any of your family could invite themselves to go with you. Especially as you had told your friend to wear her swimwear underneath her clothing as you had a surprise for her.

You made a point of holding Yelena's hand as you left and once you were far away from the house went to take it back only for her to hold on tighter.

"You never know where they could be lurking." She joked as an excuse, so you starting swinging your arms playfully as to assure her you wanted your hands to stay linked together too.

You spent hours in those woods and was thankful for having a spy best friend who of course knew to pack the essentials like food and drinks so you could stay away from the house as long as you wanted. The blonde brought so much you were able to have a small picnic on top of a hill that overlooked the large lake that stretched out all the way back to the house. You remembered thinking up stories as to explain the strange shape and curves to it as a child.

"It's beautiful here." Yelena said as she picked some grapes from the bunch between you.

"It is." You agreed with a fond smile.

"I used to want to live in a place like this." She muttered, sparking your interest.

"In the woods?" You asked curiously and she nodded.

"I thought I could retire to the woods and get a small cabin and I could grow my own food and that was all I needed." You hummed with a smile as you studied Yelena's features.

"Sounds lonely." You thought aloud.

"I'd have a cat." She said simply making you laugh. "I never used to think that but now when it crosses my mind and I picture that life... I picture someone else there with me." You knew she was imagining it as she spoke and you wished you could see exactly what it was she wanted.

"We could always downgrade the holiday house." You half joked as you nodded in the vague direction of the house. "Make it a simple cabin."

"We?" Yelena asked hopefully, the emotion clear before she had a chance to conceal it.

"There's no one I'd rather run away and live in the forest with." You joked although there was a lot of truth to your words. The blonde considered you for a while before smiling and nodded as though she had reached her own internal conclusion.

"Come on." You said suddenly as you stood up and dusted yourself off.

"You want to go back?" Yelena asked and you grinned.

"I'm going to show you that surprise." You declared and packed the remaining food away. Yelena did the same, eager to see the surprise you kept secret the whole way.

It was quite a way back to the house. The whole time Yelena kept asking more questions about it but you wouldn't say. She could only make guesses based on the swim wear which should have left only a few options, non of which she got right.

Finally, you arrived where you wanted to and grinned at Yelena before starting towards the edge. The blonde frowned as she watched you approach the ledge and became worried when she invisioned the steep slope that didn't always lead to water straight down. If you were to fall... your friend didn't have to wait long to see that. You slipped along the edge and disappeared from her view as she gave a startled cry and sprinted towards the edge and knelt over with wide eyes, expecting to see something that could haunt her forever but instead she saw you on a wide ledge but seven feet below her.

To your left was part of the ledge that had been dug into randomly and acted as perfect aid to get back into the woods above.

"Come down here." You beckoned as you starter to take your top off. Yelena's eyes widened more and quickly turned around and dropped down next to you steadily.

She glanced over the side of the small ledge to glance at the fifty foot drop into the water. There was nothing in the way to fall onto but there was no telling how deep that water was.

"You can't go in like that." You laughed as you kicked off your shorts and pushed them to the side. Yelena's face heated up at the sight of you in your y/f/c bikini as you assessed the view. But even in her flustered state she was able to put it all together.

"You want to jump down there?" She exclaimed making you laugh.

"I've done it tones of times." You assured. "It's fun."

"It's a death wish! What if the waters not deep enough?" She questioned making you laugh more.

"Are you scared, Lena." You teased as you took a step towards her making her avert her eyes from your form. She scoffed to play it off.

"Of course not." You hummed in faux belief.

"Well then I'll see you down there." You grinned and took a couple of steps back until your feet were no longer on the platform and you were plummeting down towards the water where you landed with a splash.

Yelena held her breath as she waited for you to resurface for a few agonising seconds. When you did with a gasp and started kicking around frantically to keep yourself afloat with your built up adrenaline the blonde sighed in relief and started taking off her own shorts and shirt and placed them next to your things.

You've jumped from higher. She told herself as she rocked on her feet. With a harness! She argued back before she shoved those thoughts aside and threw herself off the ledge and into the water below.

You laughed as she came back up and pushed her hair away from her way. You swam closer to her and saw her wide smile.

"Fuck." Yelena whispered with a laugh as she looked back up from where you had both come.

"Told you it was fun." You teased as you tried not to focus on the low cut on her bikini bra.

"Yeah yeah." She laughed and adulterer when she looked past you and saw you were surprisingly close to the house. She could see the outline of your family sat outside.

"They're looking." Yelena muttered. You could tell by the look on her face who she was talking about. It wasn't like there was anyone else around either.

"Do you think they've caught on?" You asked nervously as you stared at Yelena's grey eyes to stop you looking at your family.

"Maybe..." She considered and glanced around. "It's not like we've been acting like that much of a couple." You scoffed at that.

"At home everyone assumes we're dating and the one time we need it be believable it isn't." You rolled your eyes but couldn't help the smile.

"I know." Yelena laughed for a second but then paused. "Then let's give them something believable." She gently placed both her hands on your waist and pulled you slowly towards her. You let her guide you and took extra notice of the water droplets across her face. You almost trembled when your bare stomachs pressed together in the water lightly.

Yelena's soft hands left your waist and gripped your thighs to pull you up to wrap your legs around her own waist. You couldn't help but giggle at the gesture as you wrapped your arms around the blonde's neck and held onto her waist with your legs in a lock.

"Can I?" Yelena whispered when she lifted your chin with her finger and her other hand came round the back of your neck.

"Just shut up and kiss me." You demanded with a playful smile and leaned in to do it yourself.

You smiled into the kiss and felt Yelena do the same. It was everything you had ever imagined it to be. Her lips were soft and fell into place perfectly against your own as they moved together.

You mind was hazey and your stomach was doing flips at the realisation that you were actually kissing your long time crush. You forced yourself to remember that it was all a show. That Yelena didn't mean it. But she put on a believable act and kissed passionately, even slipping her tongue through your parter lips to explore your mouth further.

When she eventually pulled away you rested your foreheads together to catch your breath and grinned as you closed your eyes.

"You're a really good kisser." You blurted out making Yelena chuckle.

"Not too bad yourself." She teased.

"I hope not, we're gonna have to do that again." You smiled and instantly realized that sounded like a confession you desperetly wished you could claim. "You know because...Once probably wasn't enough to make it entirely believable." You rambled and Yelena nodded somewhat stiffly and let your legs drop back down.

You wanted to say something to her, anything but it was all stuck on the tip of your tongue.

Just as you opened your mouth to speak, a small murmurarion of starlings flew across the lake, some of them skimming the water then gaining height again as they got closer to you and Yelena.

You both ducked instinctively as they flew over your heads and off towards the forest again as you watched them in awe until they disappeared. You glanced up at the sky and noticed the sun had gone behind a cloud, ableing you to continue looking up at the other birds higher up.

You kicked your legs up slightly so you could lay on your back and outstretch your arms to keep you afloat in the water so you could stare up at the sky without hurting your neck.

You didn't realise Yelena mimicked you until her hands brushed against yours. She withdrew it as soon as you touched and went to murmmer an apology but you smiled and held onto her hand as you both lay watching the birds.

Neither of you had to say anything. It was a comfortable and peaceful silence that was occasionally filled with birds chirping or the sound of a calm breeze. Of all the things you expected to feel on that trip, relaxed was not one of them. You stayed like that for a while until you were both snapped out of your daydreams by the distant yell that declared dinner. Well, you had to go back to them eventually.

Both of you took your time swimming back to dry land and only felt a shiver when you left the water and the breeze hit you. Yelena spotted and reached the towels before you and wrapped yours around you tightly. You thanked her with a small blush as you both sauntered up to the house where the mouthwatering smell of a barbecue greeted you. Your dad was leaning over it while shooing your brother away as he tried to offer his 'help'.

You and Yelena went inside to change swiftly and came back outside as the food was being placed on plates and your mum finished setting up the buffet.

Everyone starter helping themselves and you piled as much food as you could onto the plate. You parents had asked what food Yelena liked and when you gave them a brief list you added in a few things you knew you both loved.

"You gonna eat all that?" Anna asked as she eyed all the food on your plate. Guilt and insecurities washed over you until Yelena purposefully grabbed a large handful of small sausage rolls and put them on her plate that was piled with a considerable amount more food than your own. You smiled at the reassuring gesture as she sat down with a satisfied grin on her face when she saw Anna close her mouth to stay quiet.

"Thanks." You whispered to her as you sat down.

"If you don't eat all that I will." She declared. You were pretty sure she went back for seconds.

Instead of disappearing back to your room like you did the previous nights, you and Yelena stayed with your family for a while after dinner. It wasn't to do with their company, more the mesmerising fire in the firepit you all sat around. You were cuddled up into Yelena's side with a blanket over both of you as you stared at the flames, smiling at their small flickers and dances.

"So Yelena," one of your sisters began, "are any of the other Avengers...you know." She nodded her head in the direction of you both.Oh boy, you though.

"I don't think it's my place to say." Yelena said because yes, a lot of the Avengers were queer.

"Oh come on, you can tell us." Anna encouraged as she sat forward eagerly.

"I could, but I'm not going to." Yelena continued to defy.

"Lay off it guys." You mumbled but was ignored. Your family took it in turns saying her teammates names in hopes of sparking a reaction, clearly forgetting they were facing a spy.

"Stark!" Claire said but was instantly shut down by the others.

"He's married!" Dalton objected.

"Could still be bi though." Claire tried but Dalton just scoffed.

"I suppose there's going to be more surprises."

"What does that mean?" Yelena asked with narrowed eyes. Dalton met her gaze with his own challenging one.

"I just never thought one of the Avengers would be a dyke." You felt Yelena stiffen as you all held your breath. There was no way to tell what was going through the blonde's mind, especially as after all those years of friendship you still didn't even know what team she batted for. She was an ally at least, but would she see this as her battle to fight?

Upon getting no reaction, Dalton continued. "It makes sense why you'd hang out with y/n though, we always knew something was wrong with her but-"

"That's enough." Your mum snapped with a guilty expression she failed to mask. You swallowed hard and moved to get up, deciding you had heard enough.

"Then you're idiots." Yelena stated as she glared daggers at your brother while you sunk down.

"I'll have you know I have a doctorate-"

"Your idiots." She repeated. "There's nothing wrong with y/n, which is impressive considering she's grown up around you lot." You looked at your friend in awe as she continued.

"She's the most amazing person I've ever known, including any of the Avengers. She's everything that you're not and I'm lucky to call her my girlfriend. It doesn't matter what any of you think of her, I love her and I always will." She declared as shot daggers at each individual family member who had fallen silent. She took your hand and pulled you up from your seat to take you inside.

You couldn't get her saying she loved you out of your head. You reminded yourself over and over again on the way to your room that it was just an act. That the blonde was making her point. But God, how you wished it was real.

She was so gentle with you as she guided you through the house. When you got to your room and broke down sobbing she held you on the bed for a long time until your cries turned to sniffles. The thing was, you weren't sure what you were crying over. Sure, what Dalton had said had hurt. As did the confirmation that your whole family had always looked down on you. But you had known that was the case for a long time, you had moved on from it.

Instead, you may have being crying over what you didn't know and didn't have. How much of what Yelena said was true? It was all based off of something that wasn't real. What if she saw you the same way your family did?

When you stopped crying you became aware of Yelena gently stroking your hair as she rested her head on yours and held you close to her. You remembered the memories you had accumulated over the past few days with her. The kisses, the hand holding, the nights together, how she stood up for you like no one ever had. You loved her so much.

"I think we should go tomorrow." Yelena mumbled and you nodded into her shoulder.

"I'm not going to leave you though, you know that right? You can stay at mine and we'll watch more of those crappy American movies you like." She mocked lightly making you chuckle against her. "Whatever you want."

"I just want you." You said honestly. You knew you shouldn't have said that, but you were too emotionally drained to care.

"I just want you too, y/n." You pulled away from the blonde to look at her clearly.

"I don't think you know what I mean." You sniffer and she smiled at you fondly.

"I mean what I said earlier, around the fire." Your eyes widened slightly and you held your breath.

"It was all an act though." You whispered and Yelena chuckled as she exhaled sharply.

"No y/n." "I think I am inlove with you." She said as she took ahold of your hand and searched your face for any signs of a reaction to her confession.

"Me?" You questioned, not quite believing it.

"Yes you, idiot." You smiled and sighed in relief, not being able to find the words to express your overflowing happiness and numerous other emotions you couldn't quite pinpoint. You let go of Yelena's hand and brought them both up to cup her cheeks. You had done a lot more handholding than kissing in the previous few days. It needed to be evened out.

You closed the gap between you and kissed Yelena with just as much passion as you had in the lake, except all hesitation and questions were gone. Because you knew she loved you. Oh God she loved you. You grinned into the kiss at the thought and felt her hand fall to your hip while the other caressed the side of your neck in the most gentle manner you had ever seen from her. When you eventually pulled away you rested your forehead against hers, a smile still playing on both your lips.

"Told you we'd have to do that again." You said and and laughed. "I love you too."

"Well I hoped that wasn't a pity kiss." She joked and you smacked her arm playfully.

"It definetly was not and I'll prove it to you by taking you on a date when we get back." You promised as you sat back to look at her clearly.

"Oh yeah?" She asked with a playful smirk and leaned over so her face was inches away from yours.

"Yeah." You said back.

"Well until then, my real girlfriend should definetly just keep kissing me." She said as she pushed you down gently and kissed you again. You smiled against her gleefully.

"Your girlfriend would love to."

#yelena belova oneshot #yelena belova imagines #yelena belova imagine #yelena belova #mcu #marvel

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bushdivingbushranger · 3 years ago

Note

What was going to an all girls school like, if you don't mind me asking? :)

OK anon im so sorry this is so long and so convuluted I actually got so carried away jdbKJBGKSDBGH. i'm not even sure i properly answered your question i just got overwhelmed with Love for my same-sex schooling DHGKJSDFBHG anyway, if there's anything more you want to know lmk and I will try to be concise next time 💀

Essentially, my own experience at a single-sex secondary school was fantastic—however, I know my experience isn’t universal, especially since my school was a little bit different to most, I think.

That being said, I still think that sending your daughters to female-only secondary schools is something every parent should strive to do if they can. No other learning environment will ever be as good for girls as a same-sex school.

In terms of school staff, mine was about 95% female, and 5% male. The few male teachers we had were genuinely competent men and decent teachers, they were also watched like hawks. Our principal was female, all leadership positions in the school (such as House Leaders, Year Level Co-Ordinators, Department Heads, even the chaplain) were held by women. Our school psychologists, our nurses, our library technicians, our café ladies, our career advisors, our tutors—all were women. Our school houses (think like Harry Potter houses) were named after important women in our country’s history.

I went to a co-ed primary school. And whilst at twelve you might not have the words to describe it, graduating from a co-ed space, into an all-female space is really a giant weight off of your shoulders. You don’t realise how suffocating co-education is until you’re no longer having to bear it. It feels so much more natural, so much more free! You are welcomed as you are. You can be loud and unashamed of it. We joked frequently with each other and our teachers, laughed loudly and cared not whether our laughs were ‘ugly’. I found that teachers were far more supportive than they were in my co-ed school. For example, in a co-ed school I had been told frequently to ‘pipe down’ or to ‘reel it in’ from teachers, and more vexingly to ‘shut up’ from boys due to my boisterous personality. In high school? My teachers encouraged me to audition for the play because I had ‘great projection’. In every school programme (more on those later) that I was involved in, I was the one asked to give speeches about them at assembly. I was asked to be the lead of our house chants during our sports festivals. I was asked to join the debate team because of my passionate nature, which in primary school, had me known as ‘difficult’.

Likewise, I had a friend who was by nature quiet, and loved to draw. In primary school she’d doodled on the back of a work booklet, and when her teacher returned it, she’d taken off two points and had written a comment saying something about teachers in high school not accepting work that was drawn on.

Do you know what happened when she got to high school? Our English teacher had seen the eye she’d drawn on the back of our Romeo and Juliet test and had written, ‘beautiful!’ above it. The next test, she drew a two-headed cat with witches’ hats on both heads (I remember the left head was called Turpentine and the right head was called Esmeralda). Our teacher wrote, ‘wonderful!’ above it, with a smiley face.

The next day she got an email from our art teacher that had a PDF flyer of information on both in-school and local art competitions.

Anyway, she had questions and that teacher answered every single one of them. She also personally helped her select the works she wanted to submit. She ended up having two pieces shown in the school gallery, along forty pieces made by other girls. About five years later for our final year, on that art teacher’s recommendation (and tutelage!) she took all of the visual art subjects on offer. When she graduated, her final piece was shown at a public exhibition in our state’s capital city, that honoured the best pieces done by select graduating students in the state.

So yeah. Our teachers were pretty amazing. Of course, there was the odd teacher or two you would butt heads with but that’s just a universal school experience. Our humanities classes, like history, for example, often had a unit that would focus on the female experience of a certain time period. For example, when learning about WW2, we did projects on female resistance fighters et cetera.

We had health classes that were actually focused on female health. We learnt about female anatomy (even the clitoris! Though we were all about thirteen/fourteen at this time so we found it incredibly awkward to talk about), as well as symptoms of PCOS during our menstrual unit. We learnt about contraceptive methods and devices (however, as a Catholic school they did have to tell us that whilst these methods are available, the church-sanctioned method is of course, abstinence).

Whilst the majority of the girls shaved their legs and wore makeup, as someone who did neither of those things I rarely felt judgement about it (albeit, I think there was a little for my lack of makeup, but this only lasted the first two years). A good portion of our staff also did not wear makeup, I don’t recall this ever being commented on. And, by the time we’d reached about our third year, a good portion of my year level and the ones above did not wear makeup on a daily basis. Leg hair was not looked down upon by any of us I don’t think by this year either. In fact, if you were particularly hairy often your hairless friends asked to rub your legs!

We were never short of female role-models, our staff made sure of that. We had multiple days per year when guest speakers would come and talk to us, mostly these were women who were experts in their fields—whether that be neuroscience or computer science, linguistics and literature or mathematics, politics, et cetera. The only times we really had male guest speakers was when police officers (one male one female) came to give us an assembly about sexual peer-pressure and laws around sharing nudes that was basically, “these are common (male) manipulation tactics used to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do, don’t fall for them”.

We were encouraged to take STEM subjects, and those of us that had taken interest in computer programming were sent to coding programmes in the city during school hours! That’s how keen our teachers were to get more women into the field! This was the same with the girls interested in politics, who got to go to Model UN events, as well as mock parliaments in the country’s capitol.

We had a lot of programmes generally. A few overseas ones for girls who were in LOTE (languages other than English) classes. A few interstate ones, too. And of course, local programmes and excursions. Most of them (aside from the LOTE ones which focused on immersion) were volunteer programmes aimed at helping women and girls. The rest were about furthering our own skills or learning new ones. Majority of these were year-level based, but a few depended on the clubs/groups/classes you were in. For example, I was part of the Writer’s Club, and we took an excursion to the state Writer’s Festival and listened to female writers as well as feminist panels. We also had self-defence programmes every year.

In terms of peers I generally found everyone to be quite amiable by the time we’d reached our third/fourth year. There’s a common myth about all girls schools being filled with ‘catty’ girls who are constantly bitching about one another, but I really did not find that to ring true. There were a few fights and arguments in the earlier years, I was part of quite a lot lol but that’s honestly… just something that happens at school, at any school. Largely, we were good to each other. If someone was crying there was always someone who’d ask her what was wrong. If you missed the notes on the slide, there was always a girl willing to share her notes with you.

I think going to an all-girl’s school, and not having that much interaction with the opposite sex generally for that six-year period truly does something, I think, to your psyche. We are socialised to look down on our fellow woman, socialised to look down upon ourselves. But actually being constantly surrounded by women, and almost ONLY women, really helps to undo that. Even now I could not describe the fierce love I have for all those women and girls I came in contact with during my time there—even the ones I bickered with. Each and every single woman I met there enriched my life in some way or another. I think that is the effect of consistently spending time in any female-only space: developing a true appreciation for women. It is the only reasonable conclusion to come to.

I have been out of high school for two years, and in university for one. Among the many men I have met since, none of them have even been able to hold a candle to the any women and girls I know.

Anyway. TLDR: it slapped, send your daughters to same-sex schools!!

#this is so long sorry #long post #radfem safe #separatism #radfem

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clarissalance · 3 years ago

Text

Who has the upper hand?

Pairing: Kaeya x G/N!Reader, mention of Varka and Diluc.

Warning: Slight swearing, Kaeya is a lil shit, reader being stubborn and scheming, immense tension

Summary: You’re so terrible at swordsmanship that you can’t withstand 2 strikes from Kaeya or, are you?

Word count: 3k5

Disclaimer: What is written in here is based on my imagination, nothing from this fic should be taken seriously. Most of the fact I put in this fic does not follow the lore of the game so it should only be taken as a grain of salt. For example: section 8 in Knight of Favonius codebook.

A/N: I struggle so much when I wrote this piece. This was suppose to be angstier but I tone down a little bit (because Kaeya was very OOC in my draft, I think he’s still a bit OOC in this fic but I tried my best ;-;, pls don’t bite me.)

How did author write a 50k+ oneshot? I can’t write something more than 5k properly ;-; Anyhow, please enjoy this fic. I’m going to have a good rest for 2 weeks before release a comeback. Please shower Kaeya and our new MC with a lot of loves!!!!

As a strategist of the knight of Favonius, you don't usually have enough time to finish the towers of reports, the never-ending meetings and dealing with cheap tricks Fatui diplomats. Often, you have to skip your daily sword training session, which results in a rather miserable situation. The whole practice ground is staring holes at your defeated posture. You are sitting on the hard soil ground, and the Calvary captain is towering you, his sharp blade just a few inches away from your throat.

It is not a strange scene for any knights to lose a spar against the Calvary captain, he should be one with the best swordsmanship after Grand Master, and maybe Acting-Grand Master, too. However, as knight, they can usually withstand him at least more than 2 blows.

Whispers and talks start to circulate around as soon as you stepped your foot in the training ground. It’s very uncommon to see people from that department wandering around this area. The strategy department is famous inside the Knight of Favonius to be the weakling-cunning-mouthy-jerks, who always find excuses after excuses to skip the monthly knight evaluation.

So, who gives them the right to be exempt from the test? Of course, it’s from the ultimate high chief of strategy department. Rumours say before the strategy chief works for the Favonius knight, the man was once a legendary attorney. That person can flip words from black to white, turns the defendant from guilty to innocent. With a profound convincing skillset coming from the chief, persuading the Grand Master Varka is easy as a piece of cake. The whole department of 10 people is easily off-hook for 3 years, never participate in the monthly evaluation before the man suddenly dropped the bomb 2 days ago.

“ I’m tired from coming with excuses to cover for your lazy asses.” The man waved his hand, his eyes staring outside the window. His nails scratching the messy shaved chin.“ Varka seems to get used to navigating my thoughts-”

“Maybe time is wearing away your skill-” At the corner, someone accidentally blurted out, and the whole table gave him a sharp look. Did he have a death wish or something? If so, everyone here can happily dig him a hole, free charge for the coffin.

The chief cleared his voice again, blue eyes melancholy drifted to the table. “So, you guys have tried your best on this monthly evaluation. I hope to see you all again next month.”

The meeting was dismissed afterwards, and everything spiralled into chaos. The whole department hasn’t touched anything aside from the parchment papers and the quills in the last 3 years. How are they going to master the swordman-ship in 2 weeks?

But, the worst thing is,

Your well-respected, talented, and tactful chief has run away.

The next morning, you received the news that a foxy old man is on a business trip to Fontaine with the Grand Master. The expedition is 2 weeks long.

You should have known what he meant when the deceitful man ambiguously ended his sentence like that. Nothing goes well when the chief said: ‘Farewell, my comrades’.

For the last 2 days, you have been starting to familiarize yourself again with how to hold a sword and how to swing the sword.

As you trail along with the long-forgotten memories, trying to look through the familiar feeling when swinging the sword, you hear footsteps coming in your direction. It is familiar, with the way the person is walking, the beat, the sudden burst of noise in the air, you can only conclude it’s the Calvary Captain. The practice ground seems livelier as soon as the man steps inside, people rushing to his side to give their greetings. Maybe today is one of his practice days.

“ Never thought I would see you here.” The young man calls out, successfully jostle you up from your thoughts. You give him a complex look and turn away, focusing on the tattered dummies. Your wrist is screaming in protest, legs wobbling. You remember those golden days when you were young when you were flexible, and your bones didn't crack as much. Oh, where the golden days have gone?

“What do I own the honour of seeing you here, captain?” You fold your arm defensively, voice monotonously. Kaeya despites the most when you start talking in an emotionless tone. Oh, how you love riling him up in the middle of the practice ground!

“ I come here for my weekly practice, but-” He shrugs, eyes glinting with mischief. “ look like the rumour about the abolishment of special permission for the strategy department is true.”

So he has heard the rumours. You roll your eyes, face blanks. You know Kaeya has his own way to obtain his information, but you never thought it’d be this fast. Words don’t easily leak from the strategy department.

“What do you need? Make it short, so I can practice for the upcoming evaluation.” Tired of his long introduction, you ask him directly. If you are going to ignore him any longer, the man will continue poking you.

Starting an argument only wastes your time, and asserting dominance in the middle of the training ground won’t boost your ego. You’re a strategist, your weapons are detailed plans and sharp word, not sword and bow. Showing off your strength in front of those ruthless knights don't improve your relationship with them.

“ Straight the point eh?” You give him an impatiently look, tempting to ignore him again before he flashes you a smug grin. “How bout sparing with me?”

The whole training ground falls in silence, and you direct at the captain a confusing look. Is he serious? No one in the knight except the Grand Master can go against him, not to mention someone who hasn’t touched a sword for three years.

“I can help you with your training, and you can help with mine” Kaeya speaks with utmost confidence that you almost nod and agree. That man is really deceitful, he knows how well your skill has gone dull, yet he still wants to practice with you? What is this man plotting?

“ Do you realize how absurd your offer is? ” You give him a complicated gaze, voice unwavering. Everyone takes in a deep breath, tension crackling. It's not everyday scenery you often encounter. A heated argument between the mischievous cavalry captain and the tactful strategist. Nosy people gather around the pair, internally hoping for the war the breaks out.

“ You know well that I can’t properly block your first strike.” Light-hearted, you joke, but there is no hint of amusement in your voice. Sharpe eyes glaring at the blue figure, you notice the man remains unfazed.

" Shouldn't you choose a more competent opponent?"

The sound whispers and talking about the reasons why Kaeya picked such an easy opponent start to circulate, and you can’t help to curl your lips up. Within a few seconds, you have effortlessly turned the gossiping direction toward your desired path. Flashing Kaeya a victorious grin, you tap your foot impatiently, waiting for his reaction.

You should have worked at PR damage control or marketing instead! The diplomat would have been fine too! At least, you wouldn’t need to practice swordman-ship.

As you mulling on your terrible choice of career, a chill runs down your spine. Tilting up, Kaeya is beaming sweetly at you, the frost slowly creeping up and nipping your shoes. Look like you just pressed the wrong button.

The man narrows his eyes, and you gulp nervously, avoiding his calculating gaze. Kaeya chuckles, his voice laced with worry, wavering and hurtful.

“I just want to help you improve as fast as possible. The test is coming in two weeks isn't it?”

The whole table has turned, and people start to say how considerate and thoughtful the cavalry captain is. The crowd starts to criticize you and tell you to be more grateful and stop suspicious of his unconditional help. Oh, you wish he wasting it on you, many knights in this training ground would love getting advice and improvements from him.

Applause for our dear Calvary captain, smoothly seeking empathy from the crowd and turning the favour back to him. No wonder how fast he climbed up the rank.

Bantering and arguing with a person like him is meaningless, so you accept his offer and drag your sword toward his direction. Let finish this within 2 strikes.

Moving to the centre of the field, both of you face each other, his eyes scanning you sceptically. What is this man plotting again? Bowing, you finally give him a warning look before standing at your ready position. Kaeya holds his sword, analyzing your starting posture.

As soon as the whistle blows, you charge at the man, opening the spar with a direct hit. Kaeya quickly raises his word up to block the first blow, the sound of steel clashing loudly. He then forcefully diverts the sword to the left, a classic way to counter the strike.

Knowing your limited strength against him, you take a step back and swiftly angle the blade downward, aiming for a weak spot at his waist. This move would create a noticeable weakness on your right, and only the idiot doesn't use this as his advantage to disarm you.

You’re right, he uses the loophole you planned, successfully disarm you within 2 strikes. The sword slips from your hand clanging loudly behind as your foot slips and fall on the ground.

His sharp blade is just a few inches away from your neck. The calvary captain wears a solemn look, his cerulean eyes imbued with irritation. Seems like he figures out you purposefully planed to end the match in 2 strikes.

Quickly raising your hand in defeat, you shoot him a taunting grin. The referee declares Kaeya is the winner, and people start to clap and cheer loudly, but overall no one is surprised. As the match end, audiences start to disperse, return back to their tasks.

Kaeya put his sword away and offers you his hand. You stare idly at the gloved hand a moment before putting yours on. The man effortlessly pulls you up, your body flush against his. With Kaeya so close to you, your first reaction is to push the man away, but his firm grip says otherwise. He inches closer, dark blue locks brush your cheek, tall figure towering you intimidating.

“Why end it so early?” He leans down and whispers, your body tenses up visibly. “Surely, you could handle more than 2 strikes of mine.” The young man in blue hums, his voice sultry.

“ What are you saying? I haven’t touched the sword more than 3 years.” You remind him, hands pushing his chest away, trying to create some distance. The man doesn’t budge an inch.

“Your strikes doesn’t say so. The first strike was not bad.” Noticing your effort to push him away, Kaeya stands straight, heels dig into the ground. His lips curl up at the helplessness flashing in your eyes. He loves seeing you struggle, seeing how anxiety and desperation rising in your sparkling orbs. “I think you could at least have a decent fight with me.”

“ Quit spouting non-sense Kaeya, let me go. We are in public.” You let out an annoyed hiss, punching his toned chest. He still wears the uniform improperly like that, the exposed tan chest can be under many layers. Sometimes you don't even know the reason why doesn't he just button the shirt up properly. Finger grazing at the bared skin on his chest, you turn your head away, cheeks heat up.

The man loves seeing you squirming in his trap, and you’re not going to let him see that. Anything, but satisfying his masochist hobby.

“You don’t like skin-ship?” The man fakes a gasp, his orb sparkles with mirth. “But you were being touchy with your friend. Why can't we be a bit touchy? ” His tone suggestively, the tall man snickers at your blushing mess. Out of everything, why would he mention that? You give him stinky eyes, brows furrow deeply.

“I’m not touchy with you.” You deny dreadfully. Archon, how long have you wasted your time here with this slithering serpent?

Kaeya arms wrap tightly around you, your body moulds perfectly into his embrace. You hate how perfectly you fit into his hug like this, but you can’t deny how warm he is, despite the fact he wields cryo.

“ When will you let me go?” Your voice starts to grow weak, dragging slightly in discomfort. Kaeya curiously looks down, noticing your pouting. Sensing his gaze, you turn your head away but his fingers have quickly grabbed your cheek, forcing you to look at his deep blue eye.

“Give me a kiss, then I'd let you go.” His voice serious, but what he just said is not. You look at the cryo wielder horrendously, mouth gaping. His face is composed and relax, like what he just ask is like asking about the weather, asking about your health, not for a kiss. Is he being serious? What in the world did he just ask? A kiss? Excuse me, a what?

“You...you are not being serious.” You wriggle your way out, escaping from his fingers, but his embrace tightens, caging you inside. Damn it, Kaeya. He’s messing with you.

When you flash him a furious look, the man shrugs nonchalantly, his cerulean lock fluttering gently in the wind. Suddenly, you have an urge to wipe off that calm demeanour. He can’t be serious. Why does he have to go all the way to annoy the shit out of you?

The smug grin hanging on his face, the mischief in his blue eyes, the arching brows, everything about him screams a flirt, yet you feel so mesmerized. Blinking a few times, you have to constantly remind yourself this man is not trustworthy. From the attitude to the way he looks at you, to the way he acts around you. Nothing from his action is truthful. Like Diluc’s warning, you can only believe half of his word and action.

“ Of course I’m being serious.” His voice solemn, but you can see the amusement in his eyes. If he doesn’t like you, why would he spend so much effort bothering you this much? What reaction is he expecting from you?

“ I really like you, Y/N” Kaeya confesses cheerfully, and you can faintly hear a few gasps around. Not this again...

Archon, you’re going to die early at this rate. You just want to practice for the upcoming evaluation, not becoming a hot topic for all Mondstadt citizen to gossip about.

And this man too, how can he easily slip out those words when you just heard him flirting with another woman the other day? You already told him numerous times that you’re not interested in dating him, or anyone right now!

Hung your head down in exhaustion, you tap his shoulder, mumbling quietly. “ Fine, fine.” You finally open your mouth, too exhausted and bothered by his stubbornness. He only wants a kiss, and you won’t hurt giving him one. Just a kiss then you can get back to your practice.

“Just don’t confess your love to me in a crowd like this again.” Before closing the deal, you weakly add a bargain, nudging him.

The calvary captain looks surprised, his eye widens little, not expecting you to agree. Normally, it takes another argument or two before you comply with his request. Kaeya timidly raises his gloved hand to your face, gently caresses your cheek. This time, you lean into his touch, nuzzling your face into his palm, eyes glimmering softly. Despite a cryo wielder, his hand is surprisingly warm.

The man in blue curiously peeks at you, he feels like a feather tickling the itchy spot. Are you plotting an escape route? Since when did you become so obedient? He has never seen the soft fur under the spiky façade you set up to face with the world, but strangely, he likes this version of you more.

Noticing his relaxed stance, you carefully gently wrap your fingers around his wrist while keeping eye contact with him. Kaeya eye widens, startles at your sudden touching. Trying your best to not break the unspoken connection, you bring his hand away from your cheek. In those cerulean eyes, you see a hint of disappointment, but it quickly dissolves. Slowly, you draw closer toward the hand hanging in the air, lips fluttering on the smooth skin on his wrist.

The calvary captain instinctively moves back, trying to escape from your sudden contact. Ironic, he is the one who innates the hug and demands a kiss from you. Tightening your grip, you press your wet lips on the exposed part of his wrist dedicatedly while maintaining eye contact with him, eyes drown with submission.

Kaeya stares at you in awe, maybe not expecting the passionate look in your eyes. His azure eye fills with mischief, now replaces with confusion and hesitation. You notice how his ears have dusted with pink despite the winds blowing in the practice ground. The man avoids your eyes, flustering.

Whispers and gasps start to remind you of the crushing reality, so you let his hand down while grinning cheekily at the cryo wielder. Poking and breaking Kaeya meticulously façade is always something you want to try. The man is a living devil, so it’s extremely unusual to see him losing his composure.

Sneakily, you untangle his other arm wrapping around your waist, plotting an escape route.

However, Barbatos doesn’t let you slip away that easily. Quickly regaining his composure, Kaeya snakes his hand around your hip again, tightening his hold. Unlike the first time, the sneaky bastard lifts you up and has the audacity to throw your body on his shoulder, carry you like a sack.

“ Yah! What are you doing?” You exclaim, fluster at his sudden antic. Kicking and punching on his shoulder, you try as many as you can, but somehow, Kaeya manages to dodge all of them.

“ You said you will let me go when I give you a kiss!” The crowd uproars, stares and gossips poke pointedly at your back. You don’t want to hear those comments from those knights again. They're not going to let this live down, aren't they? Bury your face in the Kaeya's furry collar, you let out a frustrating sigh, punching his shoulder as hard as you can.

“ You give me a kiss on my wrist. That doesn’t count.” Kaeya nonchalantly strides away from the practice ground, unfazed by your attempt to escape. This man is a beast, how can he not budge an inch with all of your kickings on his shoulder?

“ You didn’t specify the place. A kiss is a kiss!” You emphasize, and you can feel his shoulder shaking. Is he laughing? “You didn’t keep your promise.” Fuels by the rising anger, you kick your leg aggressively, struggling to free yourself from the iron-clad grip. This time, his strong arm wraps around your calves like a chain.

As soon as you raise your head up, the familiar pathway hits your memories. Shit, he is heading toward the headquarter, likely to his office. You can’t let anyone in there see you in this state. Punching his back profusely, you shot back.

“Not fulfilling the contract is breaking the Knight of Favonius's code of cond-.” Before you can finish your sentence, the man smacks your calves loudly, successfully shutting your mouth. Speechless by his sudden punishment, you let out a disbelief breath.

“ There are no such a section states about fulfilling contract inside the code of conduct, so stop making the rule up.” Kaeya smugly grins, and you can already picture his blue eyes glinting with mischief, the signature shit-eating grin on his handsome face.

" There is, it's in section eight-" Before you can finish your sentence, Kaeya cuts in, waving his hand dismissively.

" Section eight is about interaction with your co-worker, there is none about keeping contracts." The calvary captain humming, trying to recalling the content of the book. Speechless by the detailed memories of his, you can only close your mouth, quietly waiting for him to drop you down. If you stay still on his shoulder, will he let you go?

" You know, not everyone reads and memories the knight of Favonius handbook, you are just unlucky that I know the book by heart." Seeing you deflate weakly on his shoulder, Kaeya lets out a chuckle, patting your head comforting.

Before heading inside the HQ, the man doesn't drop your down but leans in closely, his whisper tickling your ear. “But at least I had fun seeing you squirming in my grasp.”

And then it hits you, the bastard purposely falls for of your antic.

#kaeya alberich #genshin kaeya #kaeya x reader #no beta we kayak like tim #genshin impact #clarissalance #who has the upper hand ?#argument #fluff #tension #smart reader #strategist #genshin varka #diluc ragnvindr #genshin diluc

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thefirstcourtesan · 2 years ago

Text

Support

By Misha

Disclaimer- Not Mine.

Author’s Notes- I started this fic for Hana Lee Appreciation Week and hated what I had. Then today it occurred to me, it needed the second part and I made it more of a Kiara fic for @kiaratheronappreciationweek. I don’t usually rake my MC over the coals but sometimes she deserves it. Tagging @lizzybeth1986

Parity- Minor Drake/MC, Hana/Kiara, Liam/Olivia

Rating- PG-13

Summary- Hana asks Amelia to be there for her impending labour and Amelia handles it badly until Kiara gives her a piece of her mind.

“So we have been going over the birth plan,” Hana told me cheerfully, “I want a home birth and I want you there, Amelia, as my support person, along with Kiara, of course.”

I froze and looked at her doubtfully. “Are you sure I’m the right person to ask?”

She looked surprised. “Amelia, you’re my best friend, who else would I ask?”

She had me there and I didn’t even know why I was so surprised that Hana had asked me to be her birthing support person. Hana and I had been friends for years, I had two children of my own and yet I felt completely overwhelmed by the idea.

“I just don’t know if I’m the right person,” I demurred, “I mean, you need someone calm and good under pressure, someone reliable.”

Hana looked at me carefully. “And that’s not you? Because I seem to remember you leading Cordonia through multiple crisis’s.”

“That was mostly an accident,” I pointed out. “Why don’t you ask Olivia?”

Hana stared at me. “Olivia? You suggest I need someone calm and you suggest Olivia???”

I had to admit, put that way, it eid sound a little ridiculous. “She was a great birth coach,” I defended. Hana had been undergoing an emergency appendectomy when I went into labour with Will and so Olivia had stepped up. “When I was threatening to stab Drake, she pulled out a knife and gave it to me.”

“I feel like Drake wouldn’t agree with that being a good thing,” Hana said dryly,

I laughed, “no, he told me if we ever had more babies I had to schedule it for a time you could for sure be there. But I appreciated the gesture.”

Hana was quiet for a moment, “Amelia, do you not want to be there for me?” She looked hurt.

“Of course, I do,” I assured her, “I just… I don’t want to let you down or disappoint you.”

I had been in Cordonia for almost a decade now, but there was some lingering part of me that still didn’t feel good enough, that still felt like the screw-up and suddenly when faced with the idea of needing to be there for such a big moment in my best friend’s life, all those doubts and old feelings had come rushing back.

Hana squeezed my hand, “Oh Amelia, you could never disappoint me, you’re my best friend. It is why I want you there with me, I feel like none of this would have been possible without you. I need you there.”

I smiled, feeling silly, “then, of course I will be. I’d be honoured.”

“Amelia, can I speak to you for a minute?” Kiara asked later, her expression severe.

I nodded and followed her into her office, wondering what I had done to upset her. She and I weren’t as close as Hana and I, but after an initial rough start, we got along well and she didn’t usually look at me like that.

As soon as the door closed, she looked at me with a fury I had never seen from her. “How dare you?” She seethed. “Olivia? Really? Do you think I would let her anywhere near Hana when she was vulnerable?”

I almost made a joke about how she was bordering on treason, but the anger in her face stopped me.

“How often has Hana ever asked anything of you?” Kiara continued. “And when she finally does, you make it all about yourself! This isn’t about you, Amelia, and whatever insecurities you might have. It is about Hana! She should be focusing on herself and the baby, not comforting you.”

I let Kiara’s rant wash over me, feeling ashamed. I had been so busy caught up in my own feelings that I had forgotten about Hana’s and I knew it wasn’t the first time.

“You’re right,” I said, not attempting to explain or defend myself.

Kiara let out a breath, some of her anger fading, “Hana needs you,” she said more gently, “but she also deserves to have this be about her.”

“I know,” I agreed, “I handled that badly.”

“Yes.”

“And it wasn’t the first time,” I acknowledged. I loved Hana, she way best friend, but I knew that I didn’t always treat her as well as she deserved or as well as she treated me.

“No,” Kiara said pointedly, then sighed, “Hana is so good and giving and sometimes it is easy to take too much from her without even realising you are doing it.”

“And she’d never say anything,” I said quietly, realising that Hana so rarely spoke her feelings, her hurts. I knew I could be tactless and self-absorbed, I was sure there were times I had hurt Hana without intending it and to my shame, I had never stopped to consider that until now.

“No,” Kiara agreed, “and we both know why.”

We did. Her childhood, her parents. Hana was used to holding her feelings in and I ached to know that I had contributed to that.

I paused, wanting to apologise to Hana, but… “I probably shouldn't say anything, should I?”

“No,” Kiara said again, “because then she would rush to assure you that you didn’t hurt her feelings and it would be all about you again. I don’t want you to apologize, I want you to be better. I want you to be there for her.”

“I will be,” I promised, knowing that words were hollow and that I would have to follow through with action, “Kiara, I am really glad Hana has you.”

“I’m glad I have her,” Kiara told me simply. There was a moment of silence. “Thank you for listening,” she said finally.

“Thank you for making me see clearly,” I told her.

She smiled slightly. “Despite what I said earlier, I do know how much you care for Hana and I just…”

“It is ok,” I assured her. Kiara had nothing to apologize for, I had deserved every word. “We should get back to Hana. I have some questions to ask about her birth plan.”

Kiara nodded and followed me out of the office, the mood much lighter. At least between the two of us, for myself, I had a lot of self-reflection to do, and some self-improvements to make.

End

#playchoices #the royal romance #kiara theron #ktaw

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littlefireofhestia · 3 years ago

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hi! i'm sage and i was going through the "hestia devotee" tag and found a post of yours that said you were open for questions about her. i don't know how old that post is or if you're still taking questions, you can ignore this if you're not, but since i'm here i wanted to talk/ask about something.

i'm a baby witch (like the babiest of babies, almost a new born) and most of my experience is through reading and watching since i don't currently have time or resources to do any practice other than lighting incenses or candles or working with crystals. and i definitely don't know any form of divination, like tarot or pendulum, that would allow me to do actual deity work and properly communicate with them.

the thing is, i've researched deities from multiple pantheons multiple times, mostly out of curiosity, but the moment i came across a prayer to hestia my heart skipped a beat and i immediately felt a kind of comfort. it could have been nothing, but i still researched all i could about her and just. i've never felt this drawn to a deity before, much less felt a pull to actually worship one. but i feel very much that way about her.

i looked up ways to honour her and i'm genuinely shocked at how happy it's been making me. i'm finding joy in domestic activities i used to loathe, like washing the dishes or helping with house cleaning. i tried baking a cake all by myself for the first time and lit an orange candle for her while doing it. it turned out absolutely delicious, i discovered i actually really enjoy baking and even started my own cook notebook with some of my grandma's old recipes. i make a point to always tie my hair back when i'm doing something that makes me think of her or in her honour, like making tea or baking or making dinner for my family or cleaning, because i saw people talking about how she appreciates veiling but i don't know how to do it so i just tie my hair in a bun instead of putting on a scarf. and i used to hate tying my hair, but now i feel very good about it!

i've always struggled with feeling connected to religion and never really understood how that could bring peace to someone, but i haven't felt this grounded or loving towards my family and pets or in peace with myself as much as i have since i started doing things as acts of devotion to hestia.

now, on to the actual problem: i'm scared it's all in my head. i'm worried i'm not enough of a witch to worship a deity yet, since i'm still trying to learn ways of communication and can't directly ask her if she's with me. i'm scared that the little things i'm doing aren't enough and the comfort and faith i feel while doing them are my imagination and not actually her watching over me and appreciating my effort.

anyways, i'm really sorry for dumping these worries on you but i didn't see many hestia related blogs and i really needed to ask someone about this. is what i'm doing enough of a worship right now? do you have any tips on how to worship her better? thank you!

Hi Sage! I don’t know when you sent this ask so I’m sorry if it’s been a while since you sent it and my response is late. When I read this ask for the first time I nearly cried tears of joy. Before anything I do want to say that you’re doing amazing sweetie!

I’m always open to questions about Hestia.

First off, there is no prerequisite to worshipping deities. I am admittedly not a witch and worship the gods exclusively for religious reasons and not for witchcraft. I have not learned many divination methods yet (although I have used the very handy Greek Alphabet Oracle a few times) and my rituals are still relatively basic, mostly not even occurring on an altar. But I have felt Hestia. I have been in her presence. I have received dreams from other deities and signs. None of this is required to happen to believe in or worship the theoi, but I just want to assure you that beyond doing some research to figure out who you want to pray to and how to do prayer and ritual, there are no prerequisites to worship. My first prayer to Hestia was literally me throwing a scarf over my head and talking to her in the dark with a flashlight to represent a flame. No formal structure. Didn’t even know how to correctly hold my hands yet. And still she accepted me.

The vibe you get from Hestia is very much similar to my experience. I’ve been drawn to her for YEARS but didn’t know I could worship her. But she’s always felt like home and comfort and just right for me. I never ever had a reason why she was my favorite deity before becoming pagan. She just was. My connection to Hestia has been a fact for over a decade that I just didn’t know was religious until a year and a half ago. Me wondering if I could worship her is the reason why I started researching Hellenic Polytheism in the first place. She brought me to this faith and I am so thankful to her for that.

You finding joy in domestic activities you used to hate is something I’ve discovered through Hestia too, although it’s still a journey I’m early on due to depression and physical disability and having a lot of work to do on figuring out how to make things accessible for me. I’m excited to go further for and with Hestia.

I understand the thought about it being all in your head. I had those thoughts early in my practice too. Basically, belief is a process. It takes time to switch from whatever religious thought (or lack thereof) that you grew up with to polytheism and worshipping a variety of deities or even just one deity, and from there to truly believing in them. I’ve been practicing for a year and a half and it probably took me at least nine months to truly feel secure in my faith in the theoi. Research, pray, do ritual, devote acts to the gods, think about the gods, notice the influence of the theoi in your daily life, and gradually that belief will solidify. You may or may not receive signs, which may or may not speed this process up. I promise, if you want to believe in the gods, in Hestia, it just takes time.

Also on feeling that you aren’t doing enough, the video at the bottom of this post (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odhRRYqQo8Y) might help. And I promise: you are doing enough, you are enough, just as you are.

Now as for worship tips. You are honestly doing great so far. Thinking of her while doing household chores and tasks or dedicating those tasks for her is a great way to worship her. I’d also recommend checking out her Homeric and Orphic hymns, one translation of which can be found here, and a copy of the Homeric hymns can likely be found at a local bookstore or definitely through online ordering. The Homeric hymns can also start to teach you some stuff about prayer structure, but prayer doesn’t have to be formal. Sometimes I just sit and talk to Hestia, or to any of my other deities. Tell them about my day, thank them for things in my life or the world, and sometimes asking them for things (although I find that I ask for aid much more rarely than when I prayed as the Catholic I was raised to be). I also have perpetually in progress playlists I have made for my deities, and if I want to spend some non-ritual time just focusing on a deity I’ll put on their playlist and read something religious or talk in religious discords. I actually had my most profound spiritual experience with Hestia while doing this.

Last but not least, worshipping Hestia, or any other deity, is something you have your whole life ahead of you to do. Take it at your own pace. Faith is all about the journey. The destination is irrelevant. There is no deadline or leveling up system, no authority checking your progress. As I have experienced time and time again, the gods will very much meet you where you are. A few months ago I was in a deep depression and did not do any ritual for several months. When I finally did a ritual again, I felt Hestia’s warm hand on my shoulder, as if to say “I miss you, welcome home”. I promise, Hestia will always welcome you home.

youtube

P.S. I know this ask is anonymous but Sage, feel free to message me with any additional questions about Hestia or worshipping deities in general. I’m here if you need any more help.

#hestia devotee #hestia worship #hellenic polytheism #hellenic pagan

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worldserasingandcreatinginmymind · 4 years ago

Text

Unfaithful | Final Chapter

Series Summary: After dreaming of your perfect wedding since you were a little girl the big day is almost here. But after meeting the priest you start to question your relationship.

Pairing: Hot Priest x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2718

Warnings: all the angst with a side order of fluff, FINAL CHAPTER

A/N: this is it, the series finale. I really hope you guys enjoyed the series and that this ending does it justice. Thank you for the lovely comments on previous chapters, I love you guys! Also, spelling and grammar is not my strongest skill so please be kind :)

Part Five | Masterlist

- - - - -

“We need to talk”

“I think you said enough yesterday” I say dismissively as I stand up.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said any of that.”

“But you did!”

“I know this is no excuse but I was really drunk”

“You're right, that isn’t an excuse. What you said to me really hurt”

“I know and I am so so sorry. I think I thought that if I could make you hate me then it would be easier for me to not love you.”

I pause, trying to make sense of what he’s just said.

“That’s stupid”

“I realise that now, but at the time my alcohol infused brain thought it was genius.” He says and I can't help but be slightly amused “Look Y/N, I need you to know I didn’t mean any of what I said yesterday. And I really hope you don't hate me, though I don't blame you if you do”

“I don’t hate you” I take his hands in mine and look deep in his eyes “I could never hate you, you mean too much to me now. I couldn’t have got through the past few weeks without you, so you're not getting rid of me that easy”

I give him a gentle but sincere smile and he lets out a sigh of relief.

“It didn’t work anyway” he says and I respond with a confused look “My genius plan failed… I still love you”

Before I can say anything else Eva appears at the door.

“There you are!” She calls and I quickly release the priest’s hands as I turn to look at her. She looks from me, to the priest and back to me “everything okay?”

“Yeah, fine. This is the priest who’s doing the wedding.”

“Oh uh, actually… I’m not anymore” he says, suddenly awkward again.

“Can you give us a minute?” I say to Eva and she nods before disappearing back inside the house. I turn my attention back to the worried looking priest “What do you mean?”

“I can’t be there today”

“Are you serious? We need you!”

“I know it’s unprofessional to pull out this late but so is kissing the bride behind the groom’s back, so…” he lets out a small nervous chuckle “I’ve arranged cover already. Father Crilly. He’s a good priest, he’ll make sure it all runs smooth”

“You're a good priest! You can make sure it runs smooth!”

“I can’t” he says, looking down at his feet

“Of course you can”

“No I can’t!” He snaps, looking back up at me. I notice tears starting to form in his eyes. “I can’t because I want it to go wrong. I want there to be a reason for this wedding not to happen, for you not to marry him… instead of me”

My breath catches in my throat as I look at him, not knowing how to respond.

“Father…” I almost whisper “I- I don't know what to say”

“You don't have to say anything”

“You know how much mean to me-”

“Please don’t” he interrupts but I carry on

“-but I can’t leave Daniel. I’m sorry”

“I can’t pretend to understand why you would marry a man who treats you the way he has, but if you love him even half as much as I love you… then I respect your decision. I’m not going to get in your way.”

He turns to leave but I grab his arm gently stopping him.

“Are you gonna be alright?” I ask and he gives me a small nod

“It’ll pass”

I watch as he walks out my driveway and disappears down the road, taking deep steadying breaths before putting a smile on my face and heading inside to get ready.

After all, today is to be the happiest day of my life. Right?

— — — —

So far the rest of the day has run smooth. I explained to Eva and the rest of the bridesmaids that the priest had to pull out last minute, making up some excuse about a family emergency, but that he’d arranged cover so there was nothing to stress about. Eva, as my substitute maid of honour, took on the job of alerting Daniel to the last minute change so there would be no confusion when he turned up at the church and found Father Crilly waiting for him.

A few hours later I descended the stairs in my beautiful white dress to the sound of the girls showering me with compliments and my aunt Lynda sniffling into a hankie.

“You look like a princess” she says, pulling me into a slightly too tight hug.

It wasn’t long till the cars arrived and we were on our way. The bridesmaids pilled into one while me and Aunt Lynda got into the other. Lynda rambled on about something but I couldn't really hear her. Too busy staring silently out of the window. The closer we get to the church, the more I can feel the panic rising in my chest.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” She asks as she squeezes my hand gently, pulling my mind back into the car.

“Yeah, of course! Why wouldn’t I be?” I reply as convincingly as possible.

“It’s okay to be nervous. Hell, I was more nervous the second time than I was for my first”

“I didn’t know you were married before uncle Steve?”

“Yeah! It was long before you were born. We were school sweethearts. Like you and Daniel, only less in love. We thought we were in love but looking back now I realise we were too young to really know what that meant. Your dad tried to warn me. Said Troy and I were better off as friends, but we didn’t listen. He was great for relationship advice was your dad, bit of a self proclaimed love expert.” She pauses, going watery eyed again “I’m sorry he’s not here”

“Me too”

“I’m sure wherever he is, he’ll be watching over you today. Your mother too. They’d both be so proud” she squeezes my hand again and smiles tearfully.

“Don't make me cry. If I ruin my makeup Eva will kill me” I laugh, wiping under my eyes.

“I know, I’m sorry.” She says, handing me a tissue “no more crying, this is a happy day!”

— — — —

By the time we arrived at the church the bridesmaids were waiting outside with the photographer and the new priest. The photographer camera flashed at me as Lynda helped me out of the car and lead me to the church. Looking up at those wooden doors, I was glad I had Lynda to cling onto. My legs felt like jelly.

Father Crilly introduced himself to me before heading inside the church. The bridesmaids, Lynda and I waited outside until we heard the music start, signalling the beginning of the ceremony. The bridesmaids began their walk up the aisle and before long the music changed again to the bridal chorus.

“Here we go”

We walk into the church, stopping just inside the doors. I glance up to the front of the church to see Daniel looking back at me, a smile spread across his face. A smile I can’t make myself return. Instead I keep my eyes down, focusing on the floor as we walk up aisle. I can feel every set of eyes on me, but I keep mine fixed on my feet that carry me closer and closer to my future.

We reach the top and Lynda gives me a kiss on the cheek before going to join the bridesmaids on the front row. Daniel takes my hand in his, whispering “you look amazing” into my ear as Father Crilly begins the ceremony.

His opening speech goes by in a blur. I try to listen to every word he’s saying, to keep myself planted in the real world but my mind is spinning and my heart is pounding. I can’t stop thinking about what Lynda said in the car. What if Daniel and I aren’t in love? We just think we are because we’ve been together so long. We’re just used to being with each other.

I also can’t get the priest out of my head. Worrying about him. Wondering what he’s doing now, whether he’s thinking about me. I replay our last conversation in my head.

‘I still love you’

‘I want there to be a reason for this wedding not to happen, for you not to marry him… instead of me’

I try to push his words from my mind, focusing instead on his final ones.

‘It’ll pass’

But what if it doesn’t.

“If any person present knows of any lawful reason why this marriage can’t take place they should speak now or forever hold their peace” Father Crilly pauses.

A tense silence fills the room.

I look out across the crowd of friends and family sitting silently in their seats, a small part of me hoping the priest will burst through the doors dramatically declaring his love for me as he sweeps me away to live happily ever after.

I shake the fantasy from my mind and turn my attention back to the man I’m actually about to marry. Daniel is also looking out at the church crowd. He looks nervous. I give his hand a gentle squeeze and he looks at me.

“Are you okay?” I whisper and he nods, but I can tell he’s not. As he looks away from me again my mind starts to spiral, panic rising in my chest. I can’t do this.

‘It’ll pass’

I think I’m making a mistake.

‘It’ll pass’

These feelings are too intense to ignore.

‘It’ll pass’

These feelings of love. Not for Daniel. For the priest. I don't want them to pass.

“I object” I say quietly, staring down at my hand enclosed within Daniel’s. I can feel his gaze on my face as a wave of gasps and shocked murmuring works its way through the church.

“What?” He says, a nervous laugh escapes his lips but the smile fades as my sad eyes lock onto his.

“I object”

“To- to your own wedding…?” Father Crilly asks, voice full of confusion.

“I can’t do it. I can’t start a marriage with a lie.”

“Y/N? What are you talking about?” Daniel asks, gripping my hands tightly in his own, afraid to let go.

“When you marry someone, there shouldn’t be any secrets. You have to be able to confess anything, trust them with everything… I need to be honest with you.” I pause, building up the courage to say what I need to say next. “Daniel I-”

“I cheated on you” he blurts out, earning another gasp from the crowd

“…what?”

“I’ve been having an affair…” Daniel repeats “Tiff and I… we, uh-”

“Tiffany? My best friend Tiffany?” I ask and he nods “How long?”

“Maybe we should continue this somewhere else” Father Crilly tries to move us but I ignore him.

“How long Daniel? How long have you been sleeping with my best friend behind my back?”

“A few months I think”

“You think? What, you don't even remember?” I bring my hands up to my head, rubbing circles on my temples as I turn my back on Daniel and take deep breaths.

“Y/N, please listen to me. I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you-” he puts his hands on my shoulders but I shrug him off.

“You say that a lot for someone who has repeatedly hurt me. Emotionally…” I turn back to face him “physically. And every time I make excuses for you, brush off the insults, hide the bruises because I thought I was in love with you. But I’m not. I don't love you. I haven’t loved you for a long time. I was just too scared to leave you. But I'm not scared anymore”

“I really think we should talk this through somewhere private” Father Crilly tries again but I shake my head.

“I’m done.” I take Daniel’s hand and look him straight in the eye “Thank you for finally setting me free”

I remove my engagement ring and place it in his hand before turning and walking back down the aisle to exit the church. Daniel runs after me, stopping me once we’re outside.

“Y/N! Please just let me explain-”

“Did you ever stop to think how I would feel?” I spin around, taking him by surprise “When you were with her, did you consider me at all?” I pause, giving him the chance to respond but he doesn’t “See that’s the difference between you and me. All I ever do, all I’ve ever done, is think about you and how you’d react. A few days ago I kissed someone-”

“What?! Who?!” He yells, anger creeping onto his face

“Don't you dare get angry with me after what you’ve done!” I respond and he takes a deep breath “I could’ve done more. I had the opportunity to sleep with him. But I didn’t. Because I kept thinking about you, about how you would feel. And what you would do to me if you ever found out”

“I love you”

“No you don’t. If you did you wouldn’t have slept with my best friend. You don't love me, and that’s fine. I don't love you either, cause if I truly did then I wouldn’t have kissed the priest. I think we both just convinced ourselves we were in love because everyone else thought we were this fairytale love story. But maybe we were better off as friends.”

“Maybe” he says quietly, deep in thought “I’m really sorry, about everything. I treated you…terribly”

Hearing a sincere, genuine apology from him, I finally feel at peace with it all.

“It doesn’t matter now” I say, giving him a small smile “do you love Tiffany?”

He thinks for a moment before gently nodding his head.

“I think so, yeah”

“You should tell her” I say, gesturing behind him as Tiffany comes running towards us.

“Eva texted me.” She says breathlessly “Y/N, I am so sorry I should have-”

I cut her off by pulling her into a hug.

“It’s okay” I say, releasing her and she looks at me in shock as I hand her my bridal bouquet “I hope you two are happy together. Really I mean that”

I turn and walk away.

“Where are you going?” Tiff calls after me.

“To get my happy ending”

— — — —

“Y/N?!”

The priest looks at me confused as he answers his front door.

“What are you doing here?” He asks.

“You lied to me” I say deadpan “you said Father Crilly would make sure it all ran smooth. But it didn’t. Something went very very wrong during the ceremony.”

“What happened?” He looks genuinely concerned

“Well a few things. The bride objected, and then the groom confessed to cheating with the former maid of honour. Then the bride confessed to kissing the former priest and they both confessed to not loving each other.”

He stands looking at me for a few moments, taking it all in.

“Wow” he finally says “so not smooth then?”

“No” I burst out laughing and the priest joins in before turning serious again.

“Are you okay?” He asks, searching my face.

“Yeah” I say after a moment, “more than okay, I’m great. I feel like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders”

“That’s good”

There’s a comfortable silence before I speak again.

“You know, during the ceremony I kept hearing you in my head. Saying ‘It’ll pass’. And I realised something”

“What?”

“I don't ever want this feeling to pass. This feeling I get when I think of you, when I’m with you.” I pause to take a breath “I love you”

“I love you too Y/N”

I smile.

“So what happens now?”

He takes a step toward me, closing the gap as he brings his hands up to my face and crashes his lips to mine.

— — — —

I started this story by saying every girl dreams of her perfect wedding day.

Well mine ended up being far from perfect.

But as I lay here wrapped in the priest’s arms, for the first time in a long time I’m happy. I’m free.

And I’m in love.

#fleabag #hot priest #fleabag priest #Andrew scott #fleabag fic #hot priest x reader #Andrew Scott x reader #Andrew Scott priest #moriarty #hot priest imagine #hot priest fic #fleabag imagine #fleabag x reader #Andrew Scott imagine #Andrew Scott fic #fleabag hot priest

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hes-writer · 4 years ago

Text

Confessions: A ‘Favourite’ Extra

Summary: beatrice graduates and dad!harry is not invited

Warnings: angst!

Word Count: 3305 words

A/N: this is part of the ‘Favourite’ universe :D this scene takes place sometime between the first and second part! please read them before reading this.

Part One | Part Two

_____

Graduation.

Through Beatrice’s 18-years of living, she did not think that the celebration of liberation would be so sour. The day started off like any normal day. That is, except, she did not have to deliberately avoid the areas of the house that her dad, Harry, was in. It was strange that she had to feel uncomfortable in her own home.

For this special event, Beatrice had initially bought only three tickets for Ruby, Caleb and her mum, Y/N. Her dad had a packed schedule of promoting his newest album anyway so Beatrice thought that it wouldn’t even matter. She didn’t think he would want to come anyway. If Beatrice knew anything about her father is that he never really cared much about what went on in her life.

Beatrice supposes that it was okay. She had a whole lifetime to get used to it. A full lifestyle living on the edge because she didn’t know when her dad would clap-back with an insult for no reason. However, it didn’t mean that the spike in pain hurt any less. Don’t get her wrong; she was grateful for Y/N being around and involved. But Beatrice sometimes wondered how it would feel like to be wrapped in a fatherly embrace or be guided with wisdom and courage.

She really couldn’t remember the last time Harry did anything that made Beatrice feel like his daughter. Aside from the family photos they took on during the holidays or when celebrating whatever work achievement he managed to snag--that was the only time where Beatrice would feel Harry’s hand resting on her shoulder.

___

“Can I get one?” Ruby asked, tugging on the coloured strings of Beatrice’s cap. Her small body was being held by her older sister while Y/N took photos of the three siblings.

“Caleb, put your phone away please,” Y/N requested, shaking her head at the way the young boy groaned. Nonetheless, he followed the instruction.

"You’re lucky I love you or I would not have shown up,” Caleb grumbled, offering a sweet smile afterwards to suggest that he was joking. The three siblings posed for the camera, Beatrice trying hard not to let Ruby tilt her square cap.

Between a plastered smile, Beatrice replied, “Probably why dad isn’t here,”

Caleb widened his eyes significantly. Though, it seemed conspicuous to Y/N who was busy figuring out how to brighten the screen.

“That’s not true, sissy. He’s just busy,”

Beatrice chuckled, shrugging off the comforting hand of her younger brother, “Always busy but never when one of you have something going on,”

“It’s just a coincidence,”

“Yeah, sure,”

Caleb frowned at her response, focusing her attention on Ruby’s babbles. He almost spilled the surprise that their dad was going to watch Beatrice cross the stage. Caleb knew how his sisters felt about Harry and he hoped that his appearance would help patch things up between them.

Caleb walked over to Y/N, “Are you sure that Dad’s coming?”

Y/N nodded, “Yes, he said he’s looking for parking now,”

Caleb bit his lip nervously, “Do you think she’ll be surprised?”

——

“Graduate with honours, Beatrice Y/LN,”

Applause filled the venue as Beatrice walked up the steep steps of the stage. A shy smile was placed on her lips when she caught sight of the projector screen showcasing her achievements for her senior year.

In the audience, both Harry and Y/N were confused as to why Beatrice used her mother's name to be announced. The cinch in Y/N’s brow smoothed out when the principal continued speaking. Harry, however, couldn’t help the questioning frown.

“Top Chemistry. Top Biology. Overall Best Science Student. Gold Volunteer Badge. Level 4 Music Theory. Beatrice has been excelling both academically and musically while serving the community,”

Beatrice squinted at the bright lights, placing her diploma and speech on the podium. She had never been good at public speaking. However, her announced name gave Beatrice newfound confidence. It’s just her. All her achievements wouldn’t be credited to her father just because he was Harry Styles.

“Hi, uh,” She cleared her throat, “I’m Beatrice Y/LN and I’m very honoured to be standing in front of you today,”

Her speech was short and to the point; thanking her fellow classmates even though there were very few to thank personally. There were a few jokes in between and some nostalgic memories about various school events throughout the year. Beatrice mentioned remarks to her teachers who helped her achieve high grades. Lastly, she thanked her family for supporting her

“I’d like to thank my family. My brother, Caleb. My sister, Ruby and my Mum. You guys have been so wonderful to me and I hope that I made you proud,”

Y/N was tearing up with a hand clasped over her mouth. She could not believe that her oldest daughter was off to university in a few weeks. Beatrice’s work ethic was unmatched and it showed in her getting the recognition that she deserved.

There was a pregnant pause before applause filled the space again. Despite switching her name last minute, everyone in her school knew that Beatrice was a Styles kid. They were probably waiting for her to mention him in her speech. But Beatrice felt no need to mention the man that had done nothing for her. He wasn’t even here.

“Thank you and congratulations, everyone!”

Harry slumped lower in his seat. He could feel Y/N’s worried eyes and Caleb’s observant gaze inspecting his face.

____

Beatrice stood beside her family, watching Harry a few metres away who was currently busy attending to the fans that recognized him. Even with his graying hair, many parents greeted him with a reminiscing statement about how they ‘saw him in concert back in the day’, to which he would chuckle at and proceed to converse for a few minutes until their child--Beatrice’s age--tugged them away.

All that Beatrice wanted to do was to get home and interact with her online friends. She had mentioned that she was graduating today and they were all very proud of her. Beatrice would rather take the peace and quiet of her own room than a bustling party.

“You’re invited,” Emma, a popular girl, stated while handing her a piece of paper with all the details of the party. Beatrice mumbled a hushed ‘thanks’, despite knowing that she wouldn’t even attend it in the first place.

“Are you going, Tris?” Y/N asked, holding Ruby’s hand so the youngest child would not get lost in the crowd.

Beatrice shook her head ‘no’, explaining that there was no point.

“I don’t know anyone there anyway,”

She was kind of a loner, but Beatrice was happier by herself anyways. “Besides, I don’t think dad will agree. It’s way past curfew,”

Y/N nodded in understanding. The curfew set for their eldest child was at nine in the evening. Y/N was sure that Harry would be lenient to let Beatrice go; it was her graduation after all. Sooner or later, Beatrice would be leaving for university.

____

Beatrice should be grateful. She should be happy, yet somehow those emotions were non-existent to her brain right now. She should be smiling, eyes brimming with tears because her dad actually cared to throw a party for her. But all she could feel right now was a pure disappointment and agonizing anger because Beatrice knows that he was trying to make up for years of mistreatment.

At this moment, the rowdiness of the party only proved that Harry really did not know anything about Beatrice. She did not know over half the people here, aside from the few relatives they see during the holidays; her grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. The rest were recognizable from Harry’s industry. Beatrice swore she saw Lizzo sipping a cup of liquor in their kitchen.

Aside from the initial greeting of ‘congratulations’, paired with the large banister taped on the foyer of the house, this party wasn’t much of a celebration based on Beatrice’s milestone in life. If anything, it looked like a regular get together for celebrities and industry people. Frankly, she had no interest in interacting with them. As rude as it may sound, the swirling turmoil of emotions beginning from her stomach made Beatrice push past the packed crowd with a tight-lipped smile in order to get to her room.

She felt like she couldn’t breathe, especially knowing that these people in her house absolutely adored Harry. They saw him as a family man, loved and appreciated by his kids. It wasn’t a complete lie, per se. Beatrice just didn’t have much experience to confirm that he was, in fact, a lovable and caring person.

If she had to put a finger on it, Beatrice was feeling utter disgust. She was disgusted because Harry was the perfect person in their eyes when everything he had shown her was that she was someone that didn’t deserve any of his attention. It felt like this was a celebration of her dad’s façade--he was not actually proud of her. He was just making it seem like he is so he wouldn’t be perceived as the dead-beat dad.

A knock at her door sounded. It was almost as if Beatrice could sense her dad’s presence without turning around to look at who just entered the privacy of her room.

“Tris?” Harry whispered, hesitating on mumbling the nickname. He had never done it willingly before, much less not as bitter as the previous times.

Beatrice swore that she could practically see the venom slithering on his tongue every time he said her name. But maybe that was just her skewed perception.

The chair that she was sitting on creaked as she shifted her weight, leaning her elbows on her desk.

“Why did you even throw a party, dad?”

It was merely a genuine question that held so many underlying meanings. Why now? Why not earlier when there was still hope to fix whatever sort of broken and fucked up relationship they had with each other?

Harry fully stepped into the room, observing the walls decorated with art and artists whom he recognized were his friends. He didn’t realize that she was a fan of Florence Pugh.

He cleared his throat with a fist to his mouth, “I wanted to celebrate your graduation,”

Beatrice internally rolled her eyes, “Did you really? Because you haven’t been there when I needed your help with my homework or assignments or anything. Now, suddenly you want to act like you were a big part of how I achieved my accomplishments?”

It was a sour realization. It was accurate that Harry refused to help her with schoolwork. He swore that he was busy looking over new options for his upcoming projects. Retrospectively, he might have subconsciously spewed out excuses so that he wouldn’t be able to help his dear daughter.

Beatrice sighed, flattening the balls of her palms against the edge of the sleek wood, pushing the rolling wheels of the chair back. She stood up.

“Just admit it. You threw the party because you felt guilty and you think that somehow, everything will magically be okay between us?” Beatrice shot him a questioning look, chest-puffing when Harry’s lack of words confirmed her theory.

Beatrice propped her feet in the middle of her room, twisting her body so that her back was facing away from the closed-door; from him. She breathed heavily through her nose, lungs rising up and down as she gathered her thoughts.

Unbelievable.

Harry stood with his arms by his sides, staring at his daughter with curious compassion. He did not know what to say, nor did he know how to act because he didn’t take the time to get to know her. He didn’t spend time with Beatrice; nurturing, caring, calming or comforting her because he simply couldn't get over the fact that she was once a person that caused calamity in his life.

“Tris,” Her dad spoke, earning a pinch of her facial expression from the familiarity of the nickname. Yet, it was unfamiliar because Harry used it mundanely.

Beatrice cut him off, “I’ll be leaving for university in a few weeks. You can quit pretending like you care. You say this graduation party is for me but I don’t even know most of the people here!”

The volume of her voice reached a threshold that should warn both of them to keep quiet. However, Beatrice knew that with the hustle and bustle of the celebration going on downstairs—no one would hear her honesty except for her and Harry.

Harry blinked twice, mouth dropping slightly agape. Why did he throw this party? He knew his intentions; he was proud of his daughter. He wanted to show her off to everyone he knew about how intelligent and well-rounded Beatrice was.

The girl continued speaking as if reading Harry’s train of thought.

“This is for you,” She spoke bitterly as if her tongue was left with an odd taste in her mouth. “Showing off a ‘trophy’ daughter who graduated with honours but that doesn’t matter, does it? Nothing I ever do will match what you’ve done.”

The accompanying laugh—albeit, sarcastic— left Harry confused.

“What? No, this is for you. I’m proud of you,” Harry quickly disagreed with Beatrice, gesturing his large hands in a wave to emphasize his words.

She turned around with gentle disbelief; her features were hardened yet Beatrice’s eyes gleamed with hope. She wanted so badly to believe her dad, but his lack of attentiveness to her led Beatrice to roll her eyes at him instead.

“Cut the crap, Dad,”

“Language,” Harry added, pursing his lips when Beatrice scoffed.

“I can’t believe this,” Beatrice muttered, she stared at the ground as if picking out the words to say.

As bad as it sounded, she wanted to hurt her dad the way he did to her. Years of being treated like an unwanted child slowly built up inside of her and Beatrice wanted the pain to end.

“You wanted to be everything so bad that you forgot to be my Dad,”

“I am your dad, Tris,” Harry watched as she walked over to her desk. Fingers cascading the glass picture frame which held a still of their family.

“Don’t you think I know that?” Beatrice turned around, throwing the edged frame on her bed in a fit of anger.

Harry’s brows shot up to his forehead, watching his daughter’s eyes well up with tears.

“You are my dad but you’ve never been one to me! Why is that? Huh?” Beatrice pressed, crossing her arms and digging her fingernails on the skin of her bicep.

“I’m sorry that I took those opportunities away from you. You got movie deals, You had an album coming out. Tours, shows, money—you had everything and I ruined it, didn’t I? As you said, it would’ve been better if I wasn’t born,”

Harry was no stranger to not interrupting someone when they spoke. However, he couldn’t let Beatrice believe the words she spoke.

“Don’t say that! That’s not true,” He stuttered over his words, heart-shattering under the weight of Beatrice’s truthfulness. Sure, he had everything, but it didn’t mean that he was satisfied.

“But you thought about it right? You wondered how different it would be if I wasn’t born at the wrong time. Maybe you would’ve loved me more—like you do Caleb and Ruby,” Beatrice smiled sadly.

She was glad that at least her siblings would not have to experience the searing pain of being unappreciated. They did not deserve to be seen through like a ghost.

“Maybe you would’ve paid more attention to me. Maybe you would have cared that I was hurting every time you showed me nothing but disdain,”

Beatrice used her forearm to wipe away the tears beginning to soak her reddened cheeks. She sighed, plopping down at the foot of her bed, watching Harry look at her with an unreadable emotion on his face.

“You know, It’s not my responsibility to ask why,” Beatrice whispered. Though, she wondered what would have happened if she did question her dad why he looked at her as if she was a burden in his life.

Beatrice’s monologue crescendoed as utter pain cracked her voice every now and then. Her figure slouching as she truly experienced what it was like to let go of the turmoiled affliction soaring through her body.

“I’m your child! You’re the one who’s supposed to be looking out for me. You’re the one who’s supposed to show me what love is supposed to feel like. I’ve always wondered how you’d react if I came home with a boyfriend like all the movies and books talk about. But, all you’ve shown and made me feel was my first heartbreak when you’re supposed to be the one nursing me from it,”

At that point, Harry could not remain the eye contact he shared with his daughter, gazing down at the floorboard in shame.

“You were supposed to scare guys off because I’m your eldest daughter. You’re supposed to protect me from everything that could hurt me, even when it’s irrational because that is what Dads do,”

That same bitter laugh that pierced Harry’s ears earlier echoed again.

“But I guess you never really wanted to become one to begin with. Or maybe just not with me.”

Harry took a few steps back. Her words figuratively churned and twisted his gut. He caught his balance on the doorknob that moved feverishly under his weight. Sure, he didn’t want to be her dad at first. And he had many chances to fix a strained relationship, but he never took them. So really, he had no shield at denying the truth. He was simply a father who failed to be the dad to Beatrice.

“I-I do! I want to be--if you'd let me,” He hated the way his voice became weary.

Despite their differences, Beatrice and Harry both mutually hated the way his tone pinched. The way he had to plead and beg for his daughter’s forgiveness when it seemed to be too late. This could have been avoided if Harry took the chance to become the dad that Beatrice deserved to have. The dad that her siblings--Caleb and Ruby--saw and spent time with while Beatrice watched behind, wondering why she was never treated the way they did.

“For years, I wondered what was wrong with me. I listened to the music that you liked. I asked mum what you enjoyed doing because you never talk to me. I wanted you to see me as a daughter instead of this--this invisible speck that you shrug off your shoulder every time I needed you!” Beatrice cried out, hugging herself for comfort.

The worst part was that she could see Harry’s legs buckle in hesitation to come closer to her or not. He shouldn’t even have to think to comfort his daughter, but he did.

“I wanted you to like me as if I even have to do that in the first place! You’re my dad, don’t you get it? Because I didn’t. I spent so much time being the perfect child in hopes of you giving me an ounce of your attention aside from the face you put on when I walked into the room. Why did you have to treat me this way, huh?”

Tears spilled from her forest-green eyes, identical to Harry’s glazed ones. His mouth parted in retaliation. As if he was plopped in quicksand, Harry had no idea how to defend himself.

“I know that you didn’t want me in the first place but--,” Beatrice sniffled, wiping the salty liquid to her damp temples, “I just wished you treated me like I wasn’t a burden to you,”

_____

#harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader #harry styles writing #harry styles angst #Harry styles fan fic #Harry styles fanfiction

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