#you have to dig a little harder to get hard analysis on it

[each-uisge-enthusiast]

isaac newton.

everyone's all about queer subtext until it's aromantic or asexual

[bumbled-bees]

Lily's Lack of Understanding the Workplace

A moment from Lily’s January 30th, 2025 livestream is a perfect showcase of her complete disconnect from reality—especially when it comes to how jobs actually work. She has spent so long being an independent creator with zero accountability that she genuinely does not comprehend how power structures function in the real world.

The Gay Rep Conversation: How to Out Yourself as Clueless

It all started when a chatter pointed out that sometimes creators can’t put the gay rep they want in their work because of studio pushback. This is an objective reality in the animation and entertainment industry—countless showrunners and writers have spoken about how difficult it is to get queer content past executives, censors, and networks. But Lily, in her infinite ignorance, completely dismissed this reality and responded with:

"Well, fight back against the studio then."

This is where Lily’s lack of real-world experience becomes painfully obvious. She seems to think that creators have unlimited power over what gets made, that they can just dig their heels in and demand their vision stay intact. She doesn’t understand that defying studio execs usually just gets you fired.

When the chatter tried to patiently explain this, pointing out that not everyone has the clout to fight back, Lily doubled down:

"I don’t care, I have no sympathy for creators compromising on their vision, they should’ve fought harder." (Paraphrased, but this was the gist.)

This is cartoonishly stupid for multiple reasons.

You either compromise, or you don’t work. If a new creator refuses to make changes, they’re not seen as a "visionary"—they’re seen as difficult and replaceable. The entertainment industry is brutal, and the vast majority of showrunners had to make compromises to get their work out there.

Lauren Faust can afford to walk away. New creators can’t. Lily idolizes Lauren Faust for supposedly walking away from projects when studios try to change her vision. But Faust is an industry veteran with enough prestige to do that. A new writer or animator? Yeah, if they refuse to compromise, they’re out of a job and blacklisted.

Lily has never had a real job. She has no idea what it’s like to have a boss, deadlines, contracts, or workplace politics. She has always been in a position where she can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, and the only "consequences" are losing a few Patreon supporters.

Lily’s Pattern of Not Understanding Jobs

This isn’t the first time Lily has completely failed to grasp how employment works. She has a long-running history of making bizarre, out-of-touch comments about jobs, money, and power structures that expose how little she knows.

She believes:

People should just quit their jobs if they don’t like them.

If a workplace is abusive, you should just leave.

If a creator compromises their work, it means they’re a coward.

If you work for a company that does bad things, you’re personally responsible.

These are the beliefs of someone who has never had to depend on a paycheck to survive. Lily has been fully independent for so long that she genuinely thinks everyone can afford to take massive risks, burn bridges, and walk away whenever they want.

Why This Moment Matters

This livestream clip is so important because it demonstrates why Lily’s analysis of media is always so flawed. She doesn’t just have bad takes—she has bad takes based on a fundamental misunderstanding of how the industry works.

Her attitude is insulting to actual working professionals because she assumes that if someone didn’t fight hard enough for something, it means they’re weak or cowardly. In reality, these decisions are never that simple. Creators fight for representation all the time, but sometimes a small compromise is necessary to get anything through at all.

But to Lily, if a creator didn’t fight to the death for 100% of their vision, then they deserve no sympathy. Because in her world, she has never had to compromise for anyone.

The Tim Horton's Story

Lily fundamentally cannot function in a normal workplace. She talks about her Tim Horton's story like it’s some kind of badass moment where she stood her ground against a rude coworker—but all it actually proves is that Lily:

Was handed a job through nepotism (her mom got it for her).

Immediately clashed with a coworker on day one.

Responded to perceived hostility with outright aggression.

Refused to communicate like a normal human being.

Learned absolutely nothing from the experience.

Breaking It Down: Lily’s Workplace Disaster

According to her, on her first day at Tim Hortons, the baker on shift glared at her. Instead of assuming maybe this person was just tired, stressed, or not particularly social, Lily immediately went into attack mode.

Every time the baker, Candice, tried to communicate, Lily cut her off with:

"Candice, shut up and finish your bake."

And she tells this story like she owned the interaction. Like this was some kind of epic moment where she put a rude coworker in their place.

But let’s be real—this is unhinged behavior.

You don’t talk to coworkers like that. Ever. Even if someone is cold or distant, you don’t immediately resort to open hostility.

First impressions matter. Lily started this job already burning bridges.

There was no justification for her reaction. The baker didn’t yell at her, insult her, or sabotage her work. She just gave Lily a look—and Lily escalated the situation for no reason.

The Real Takeaway: Lily Cannot Work With Others

Instead of reflecting on how maybe—just maybe—this wasn’t normal behavior, Lily’s takeaway from the experience was:

"Have people been bullshitting me about my attitude this whole time?"

As if this story proves she wasn’t the problem, when it demonstrates the exact opposite.

Lily literally cannot function in an environment where she isn’t in charge. She has no idea how to navigate basic workplace social dynamics. She assumes everyone is out to get her the second they don’t greet her with a smile and open arms. And when she starts unnecessary fights, she frames it as some kind of empowering moment instead of an obvious red flag about her personality.

This also explains why Lily’s never had a real job since. She can’t handle basic authority. She can’t deal with normal workplace challenges without turning them into petty power struggles. And instead of acknowledging that maybe she’s difficult to work with, she assumes that everyone else is just lying about her attitude.

Why This Story Matters

This Tim Hortons experience is important because it further proves that Lily:

Has no understanding of professional environments.

Doesn’t know how to handle even mild workplace tension.

Sees herself as the main character in every interaction.

Has always had an authority problem.

Rewrites reality to make herself the hero.

Lily tells on herself constantly, but this might be one of the funniest examples. She really thought this made her look good—when all it does is show why she could never hold a real job.

[shsl-box-worshipper]

Time for the next smol child on the chopping block: Conan!

Obviously, this design was based on the outfit he wore on the cover on volume 1

Just made some tiny adjustments. First, he has his iconic red bowtie. Second, his buckle is a little bit different. This is because it's supposed to act like his inflatable ball belt in canon and by some extent, the real world. (However, in the AU, he goes to Lyoko before he even shrinks. When Agasa gets around to designing his gadgets, Conan just casually gives examples from his Lyoko Form as ideas).

Also, yeah, Conan's got a weapon! A giant spiky soccer ball which he can kick with the same force that he can kick balls with his superpowered sneakers in the real world. Sometimes, he even kicks Megatanks :D! Doesn't do well for his foot, but it works.

Despite Conan being the Jeremie Surrogate of Code Meitantei's Lyoko Warriors (A character who is infamous for having a lyoko form that is never seen to the audience and only goes to Lyoko 3-4 times over the course of the og cartoon), Conan actually goes to Lyoko much more frequently than most other characters.

Why is that? Well, a major player in that is his ability: Analysis!

(click the read more if you want to read the rest of this post)

For people who can't read my shit mouse writing on the design document, it's essentially if Conan had an internal 'Fetch Data' button as a power. When he willingly activates it, he gets a ton of information. Including - The code of any digital entity/object that Conan is looking at (LW, Monsters, Sector Terrain, Overvehicles, Towers, etc.) Essentially, anything that isn't the Digital Sea, he can parse it's code.

-A minimap of his surroundings, acting kind of a localized virtual map from the sc's interface

-The DNA of every human-based entity loaded into Lyoko. He gets his own DNA instantly, but he has to dig for his fellow Lyoko Warriors's DNA (made harder if they are out of his line of sight). However, to find anyone else's DNA (or DNA that's purposefully ofuscated and corrupted, like Haibara's early on), it could take him literally days on Lyoko to find.

-Lifepoints. He gets his lifepoints instantly, gets the lifepoints of his fellow LW and any materialized Overvehicles if he parses through enough data (again, made hard if he cannot see them), and can get monsters' lifepoints if he digs for them.

The main downside of the power is that it takes him a long ass time to find any useful information that isn't his own data, hence he likes to just stick to the real world during XANA attacks, where he can get all of the information quickly without the hassle.

However, it thrives mainly in another kind of mission that they go on just as much as XANA attack missions in this au: Recon and Data Collecting.

Usually, it'll be just him and Haibara, sometimes with another LW, collecting data from Lyoko and XANA's monsters so that Conan can make programs more efficiently. This becomes even more apparent when they discover Sector 5, and this is how Conan is able to keep pace with Jeremie in canon, despite not even being remotely a computer geek.

He just kind of treats computer programming as detective work and deductive reasoning with Analysis. Grabbing certain pieces of code from his Analysis, changing them, and shifting them around to fit a giant ass puzzle he calls a program. Which he then combines with his prior knowledge of programming to complete said puzzle.

To quote the man himself, "It's addicting!"

[ferrioz]

Just watched an Emma Torne video on conspiracies from 2 years ago (eet ees wat it is) and it got me thinking about Blackness. She talked about how the conspiracy theories she was raised with caused distress on how to function as a child believing that the world could end as you know it in an instant, but that's just the reality of Blackness. She grew out of her conspiracies (fake moon landing, Chem Trails, etc.) but what about the truths we had to face? I will never forget the impact of being 5-6, right as I started school, and my aunt had a lengthy discussion with me about how her son (my cousin) was falsely accused of exposing himself to another little girl (a white girl). I later learned just how much the people and government of my own nation lied and lies to it's people about what we as Black people have done and are worth. White friends think about 5g towers or covid conspiracies, but we have actual reason to doubt a vaccine (look up the Tuskegee experiments) and have seen our leaders targeted by the actual government time after time. I recently learned (iirc) that 405 of 450 or so people who were executed for rspe in the US from 1900 to 1956 (my grandparents were alive at this point and my parents were born about a decade later) were Black men. That doesn't make any statistical sense, and its analysis only gets worse the longer you dig, but it's a fact that I am still significantly much more likely to get criminalized and be convicted of a crime I didn't commit than almost any other group in my home country. I had to know that from childhood, and most Black people do. I know I will have a harder time buying my own home, getting a better job, or surviving as long as my non-Black peers, and again we've known this since childhood. Imagine the effects of knowing you are basically shot in the foot since birth in most ways; it's hard to convince yourself anything is worth trying for. I grew through that but that is not something I expect or have seen everyone like me grow through, and we as a society don't acknowledge that trauma in basically any way other than carceralization. This kind of thinking to me is the basis of understanding the kind of abolition and social justice people march for, and I just don't see the very early basis for it talked about even in leftist spaces.

[quarter-life-crisis2]

Can I be added to tag list please? I did it, I’m up to date!

This review is probably not as insightful as the last cause I gave my character analysis already, this is more just disorganised thoughts.

I feel like this might be Laura’s evil origin story haha just imagine you know only what she knows… I’d be so pissed off after 😅 man, I got deep before, so I stand by what I said. But I keep laughing (not at her pain but the situation). 

The girl is blissfully sleeping upstairs, being pretty even in her sleep, at her pretty boyfriend's house, and he thinks that she’s basically pretty but not his style (he likes nights better), that she’s got a simple heart??!?! My god bro, I’m sure she’s also got some emotional complexity, and the whole time she’s all happy he’s thinking of another girl and dating you because he’s embarrassed because he thought he got rejected. 

I’d be so mad and embarrassed that I’ve just been laalalalala when thats going on in reality! I’m telling you, villain origin story!!! 

Anyway, I still empathise with his choices, I think sometimes you’re already in the hole, might as well keep digging than admit you were wrong. I’m glad he’s finally realised he should’ve heard her out, but it’s obvious he’s not got the ability to handle these situations yet. he can barely talk about it, and he keeps switching between past and present in regard to his feelings. I suspect that's because it would make him feel even worse if he accepts that he's feeling this way while in a relationship as well. He still needs to accept his new reality and repair the relationship with Tae. 

ALSO how did I just realise Jo is called Jo cause the writer is Jo?!?!? I’ve been following her for months and read what was hidden ages ago hahaha 7 chapters it took me, I’m so slow 

MC must have huge abandonment issues. Between her dad leaving and finding a better life, her mum being just, 🥶 and now this as well, and you got the little fracture between her and Jiiho (which is understandable, she’s excited with her new relationship, trying to balance it out). She’s mentioned a few times now that she gets jealous seeing their happy lives (dad, friends), also relatable. Living in that home with her mum feels like an isolating and lonely experience. With all that, she's doing well and she's learning how to manage things healthily. I feel like you could've written her to be so much more reactive, but I'm glad that while she has a tempter, it's obvious she's not extremely young, she's had some time to work on herself.

But I wanna add, while I can imagine things are hard for the dad, i think he should try a bit harder. Meet her halfway for a little trip, something. Being kind isn’t enough. I’m glad she confided in him and it went well. It would be good for her to accept his family, while it might always hurt, it might give her a safe space too.

But yeah, sad all around but I think we're halfway? So onwards and upwards?

The Forgotten Spaces | ch 7 (jjk)

☆summary: you've been dancing on the same dance crew since your teenage years, and you finally have an important role in it. It feels like life is taunting you when your rival comes back after disappearing for a year, ready to tease you every chance he gets. Will the teasing turn into more, or are you going to take him down with you?

☆pairing: photographer and dancer!Jungkook x dancer!female reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, there is mature content in previous/later chapters)

☆genre: slow (SLOW) burn enemies to lovers, college!au, slice of life!au, angst (oop), smut and fluff

☆warnings: alcohol, the park jimin effect, angst (always and forever🥲), curse words

☆word count: 8.7k

☆series masterpost here

☆a/n: More angst. More pain. Enjoy reading <3 and thank you to @moonleeai for her beta reading on this fic, I won't ever thank you enough, you're the best <3

☆Read What Was Hidden here, the fic that inspired this whole story, written by @daechwitatamic, one of my fav human beings on this app <3 It follows the story of Jo and Taehyung before The Forgotten Spaces

☆☆☆☆☆

For this meeting of our end of the world

It's with you that I want to sing

On the threshold of the memories the dead of today

Them that breathe for us

The forgotten spaces

Je t'écris - Gaston Miron (rough translation by me)

☆☆☆☆☆

Thursday, August 23rd

                You hardly can believe how fast your internship has passed. It feels like you’ve only just started yesterday, and now you’re leaving for the last time. You’re skipping dance practice again today, because you’re getting dinner with the lawyer you’ve worked with all summer.

You don’t mind. Skipping practice, that is. You’ll take any excuse not to be in the same room as Jungkook for longer than needed.

The first few days after the night he told you about Laura were rough. You barely can remember them today: it’s like you were walking through molasses, with all your moves feeling incredibly heavy. Like you had the weight of the world on your shoulders.

It was hard to see him at first too. But out of spite you didn’t want to stop going to practice, until Mary told you that taking breaks once in a while could be good for your mental health. She wasn’t wrong, and now you’ve been ditching as much as you can, practicing the choreographies alone or with Jiho whenever she’s not busy with Hobi.

While you were breaking, Jiho was blossoming. You don’t think you’ve ever seen her as happy as Hobi makes her. It makes you envious, a lot more than it healthily should be, but you’ve let her be. Just because you’re hurting doesn’t mean she has to be hurting too.

Dinner with the lawyer goes well. She congratulates you for the job you did, even suggesting that you could work for her firm once you graduate. It’s a small firm, but a pretty successful one so you smile and nod and say you’d love to.

You’re not sure if you really mean the smile, but she doesn’t know you well enough to tell. You think no one really knows you well enough to tell. Jiho has been seeing life through pink-tinted lenses, and even she doesn’t really know that you’ve been feeling like shit.

So much for being good at pretending, you think to yourself. Because pretending is just another way to isolate yourself, until you’re standing alone on your side of the world, watching everyone evolve around you as if they’re not even in the same universe, as if you live in a forgotten space of theirs.

It’s a strange feeling, but you’ve been growing accustomed to it.

You’re supposed to meet Jiho, Jo, Bridget, Heather and Kiko at some bar later, but you’ve found yourself bailing on them more often now too. Maybe because they’re all happy, all coupled up, and sometimes it makes you lonelier than anything else could.

No, you’ve grown closer to Scottie instead now, and the girls let him come to Thirsty Thursdays because they know you won’t come if he’s not there. Right on cue, your phone vibrates in your purse.

[9:31 pm] Scottie baby🤘🏻: hurry, i’m alone with jo and kiko and i barely know them🤡 [9:32 pm] You: didn’t u grab a lyft with jiho and heather? [9:34 pm] Scottie baby🤘🏻: practice finished early and jiho wanted to hang with hobi a little before [9:35 pm] Scottie baby🤘🏻: and heather went to see bridget first bc and i quote [9:35 pm] Scottie baby🤘🏻: they haven’t boned in a while [9:36 pm] You: 🙄🙄 they coulda done that after [9:38 pm] Scottie baby🤘🏻: fuck I know. why can’t i have a man to fuck uh😩 [9:41 pm] You: i’m in the Lyft. [9:41 pm] You: bitch, i know for a fact u’ve fucked that dude from last week [9:42 pm] Scottie baby🤘🏻: why can’t i have a new man to fuck uh😩

You almost laugh out loud, and you put your phone away in your purse as your Lyft zooms down the street, heading towards the bar Bridget chose. You arrive about twenty minutes later, and you meet with Jiho outside. And to your surprise, Hobi is standing next to her, and he offers you a beaming smile as you stop next to them where they’re standing in line.

“Didn’t know you were allowed to come,” you tell him, and you look at Jiho, features painted in a ‘he definitely isn’t allowed to come’ look.

Jiho shrugs sheepishly. “Apparently the boys are going to be here too.”

The boys. The boys. Which means Jungkook will likely be here too. And as usual the thought of Jungkook makes your heart squeeze in your chest. You don’t think it’s gotten any better since he told you. It’s only been a month and a half after all.

“Oh,” you let out flatly.

You don’t care that you don’t sound enthusiastic. You are not. You don’t go out with them, you don’t want to go out with them. Jiho knows it, you’ve told her, but her pink-tinted glasses really have been changing her.

Changing your relationship with her too. Or maybe it’s you, and you’ve just been too jaded. You reckon hanging out with someone that’s breaking might not be fun. It is not fun and though Jiho has always been there for you, it’s not the same anymore.

“I’m sure it’ll be fun,” Jiho says, but she sounds unsure. As if she’s just realized that this might be a bad idea.

“Yeah,” you reply. You look away from her, teeth digging in the inside of your lip. “Are they…” you trail off, because as a matter of fact, they are. And they are right in your line of sight.

It’s your first time seeing Laura in person. You had no idea what she looked like, and somehow the small petite blonde that is walking hand in hand with Jungkook is not what you expected Laura to be. She’s pretty, beautiful, in the natural kind of way of someone that doesn’t need makeup to look good. Her hair is long, and she’s curled it from the looks of it, because you doubt someone’s hair can look this good without a little help. She’s wearing a pale floral skirt, along with a pastel crop top that complements her figure far too well.

She catches you looking and she offers you a smile. It’s a sweet smile, and you’re struck that she probably has no idea. No idea of what Jungkook was to you, what you were to him.

And maybe you were nothing after all. Maybe you really were alone that night under the stars.

Your gaze shifts to Jungkook next. Where Laura is pale, Jungkook is the complete opposite. He’s dressed in his usual partying clothes – black cargo pants with an oversized black t-shirt. This time, he’s wearing the chain with large links around his neck, and his gaze meets yours the moment you move to his face.

You wish you were the kind of girl that can say she moves on easily. You wish you could be the kind to be happy for Jungkook, to wish him all the best. But right now, your blood feels like it’s curdled in your veins, and your heart drops in your stomach.

You turn away, features turning pale. Hobi notices, and he pushes Jiho towards you before walking up to where Jungkook and Laura are. It leaves you alone with Jiho, fighting the hurt in your chest.

You’re weak. The cataclysm made you far too weak.

“He said he wasn’t going to come,” Jiho mutters. “I… I’m sorry.”

“Do you really even care?” you ask. It’s bitter, you know that it is. Bitter and unfair but you’re aching.

She seems taken aback. It’s the first time you’ve spoken to her like that. The tone you used is the one you reserved for Jungkook back when you had more to offer to him than hi and goodbye at dance practice, back when you thought you hated him and everything that he stands for.

“Y/n…”

“Sorry,” you apologize. “I just wasn’t expecting to see them.”

She looks apologetic, and she puts a hand on your arm. “We can leave if you want.”

You do want to leave. But you think about Scottie inside, you think about how life has just been happening around you. Yes, maybe you’ve had a hard time stepping out of that moment when he told you about Laura, but everything else around you has moved.

You need to move on too. You’re aware of it.

“It’s okay,” you say, flatly. “I’ll just ignore them.”

“No, really, we can go,” Jiho insists. “Sungie is at Felix’s, they’re chilling with some friends. We can go there if you want.”

You take a deep breath, and it goes in a little shakily, getting stuck in the jagged pieces of your heart that are clogging your throat. You shake your head no once more. “It’s fine.”

“I’m paying for all of your drinks tonight,” Jiho then says. “And we’ll find you some cute guy to dance with so you show him just how you’ve been moving on.”

A big fat lie, because you haven’t been moving on at all. But if it can make her happy, if it can help just a little, then you’ll do it.

It’s in that state of mind that you find your way inside. You meet with Scottie, Jo and Kiko where they’re sitting in a corner. To your surprise, Scottie seems fully at ease now, joking with the two girls as if he’s known them forever. He sees you before the girls, and he waves at you with a bright smile.

His smile falls when he looks at a spot over your shoulder, and you can only assume that he’s seen Jungkook coming in with Laura and Hobi.

You make your way to him, Jiho on your heels, and he throws an arm around your shoulder to pull you closer to him. “What the actual fuck?” he says in your ear.

You shrug, before grabbing your phone in your purse.

[10:07 pm] You: jiho forgot to mention the boys were invited lol

You don’t press send, but you show him the message as Jiho moves closer to Jo and Kiko. Scottie scoffs next to you, shaking his head a little.

“I’m not surprised,” he whispers in your ear. “Let’s go get plastered.”

“What the fuck is JK doing here?” Jo asks, and your eyes widen as you look at her.

She’s staring at where Jungkook, Laura and Hobi stopped, and you notice they’ve been joined by a guy you don’t know. The guy has a smile that brings out dimples on his cheeks, and you reckon he’s cute.

That’s when an idea forms in your brain. It’s a little evil, but you think it may be deserved.

“That’s a good question, uh,” you reply bitterly.

Kiko’s pretty mouth turns into an upside-down smile before she lets out a laugh. Seeing her come out of her shell over the last few weeks has been an experience, but you reckon you’re starting to like her more and more every time you see her.

“He’s an asshole doing asshole things,” she says, shrugging her shoulders. “Y/n, do you want to grab some shots?”

She’s usually not the one to suggest shots all that much, but you smile wickedly. “You’ll never see me refusing such a generous offer.”

Jiho and Jo have been speaking in hushed tones, and Jo throws you an apologetic look. As if to say she had nothing to do in all of this. And then it’s Jiho’s turn to look at you, and she mouths ‘I’m sorry’.

You shrug your shoulders at her, before glancing down pointedly at your phone. She furrows her brows when you meet her gaze again, and you just repeat the motion until she’s grabbed her phone.

“I’ll go get the shots with you,” you tell Kiko, but you start typing on your phone.

[10:15 pm] You: is jimin coming

You press send, and look up at Jiho. She snorts, and she’s typing when you put your phone away to follow Kiko to the bar. Scottie ends up following you, and the three of you do shots at the bar before meeting back with Jiho and Jo with a full platter of more shots. They’ve been joined by Hobi, but Jungkook, Laura and the other guy are nowhere to be seen. You’ve just had the time to put down the shots on the table when Bridget and Heather arrive, and they immediately go to the bar to get some shots for themselves too. As you’re waiting for them to come back, you grab your phone from your purse.

[10:16 pm] Jiho❣️: LMAO [10:17 pm] Jiho❣️: i don’t think so?? i didn’t talk to him but you could ask him😉 [10:28 pm]  You: oh i will😏

You raise your gaze from your phone to watch her reaction when she reads the words. At the smile that forms on her lips, you decide that yes, you’re really going to do this.

Fuck Jungkook.

Your eyes fall back to the screen of your phone and in no time you switch to your conversation with Jimin. For that, you have to move to Instagram, but a heartbeat later, you’re looking at the last thing he sent you, which is just a laugh react to a story you posted about messing up a meal you made last week.

And then you’re typing away, and for the first time in weeks you don’t feel quite as heavy.

[10:30 pm] You: are u coming tonight?😏

You put your phone away once again, because Heather and Bridget have arrived with their shots, and everyone is getting ready to drink. You grab yours, and you clink it with the rest before downing it in a swift motion. The vodka burns, and you’ve never been a big fan of vodka after the vodka incident, but you reckon it’s going to do the deed tonight.

After the shots are done, you go back to the bar, this time with Jo. She’s a little cautious around you. She’s been that way since the cottage, actually, and you usually act as if you don’t notice. But tonight, you really have set your mind elsewhere.

“It’s fine, you know,” you tell her, and you reckon this time you’re starting to mean it. “It was bound to happen one day.”

She purses her lips as you stop behind two guys ordering at the bar. “But it shouldn’t be happening on Thirsty Thursdays.”

“I texted Jimin,” you admit, hoping that it will show her that today really is in fact Thirsty Thursday to you.

Her gaze widens and her mouth hangs open for a few seconds before she says, “What did you say?”

“I just asked if he’s coming,” you say, shrugging your shoulders.

“And?”

You wet your lips. “I haven’t checked if he replied yet.”

Jo lets out a sound that resembles a snort and a shriek at the same time. “What are you waiting for!”

Her enthusiasm makes you laugh. “We both know that Jimin isn’t far when Jungkook is implied, I don’t think I really had to ask.”

“Bitch, you might just be right,” she agrees, and you laugh together as the two guys get their drinks and move away from the bar.

You order a gin and tonic, and as you’re waiting for it to be ready you finally grab your phone from your purse. Jimin has replied, and your smile is a little truer than it’s been in a while.

[10:37 pm] park.jm: yeah why? [10:41 pm] park.jm: you wanna see me?😉

You chuckle, and you show your phone to Jo. She laughs, and she gets her drink before she can say anything. You’re surprised to see her features turning a little somber as she sips from her glass.

“Something wrong?” you ask.

She holds your gaze for a few seconds, worrying at her bottom lip. “Just… are you sure you’re interested in Jimin like that?”

“Mmh,” you let out, sighing. “He’s really attractive.”

That makes her laugh a little. “Yeah.”

There’s a silence while you get your gin, and you turn back towards her once the glass has settled in your hand. “Honestly, Jimin is my type. I didn’t really want to… you know… when…” you trail off, because you can’t believe you’re about to say this out loud. “When Jungkook was in the picture.”

There it is. The words fall out of your mouth like snow falls, lazily, crossing the space between you and Jo ever so slowly. It feels strange to hear them, to acknowledge their truth. But you’ve been working towards that with Mary and maybe, maybe you’re having a breakthrough.

“But now that he clearly isn’t anymore,” you add, shrugging your shoulders. “Why not?”

Jo is smiling, but it’s terribly sad. Like she knows your soul, like she sees you in your forgotten space. Like she knows maybe you’re just trying to compensate, maybe you’re just trying to hit him where it hurts.

And so what if that’s what it is?

“Yeah, why not,” she says. “Just be careful.”

You nod once, before taking a sip of your drink. It’s stronger than expected, and you wince a little before saying, “I promise”.

And with that the conversation passes, and you move to lighter subjects. You ask Jo about her upcoming semester, and you decide not to reply to Jimin. Because he’s going to be here anyway – you’ll talk to him in person. That comes quicker than you thought it would: Jimin walks up to you along with Taehyung while you and Jo are still lingering at the bar.

Jimin changed his hair. It’s pink now, and you never expected you would say this, but it suits him almost better than the blond. He offers you a dashing smile that turns into a smirk as you tilt your head to the side, pulling at some dry skin on your bottom lip.

“Hey,” you greet him.

He moves closer to you, nudging you with his elbow. “Did you leave me on read because you wanted me to come talk to you in person?”

You chuckle, before sipping from your glass, just to make him wait a little longer. “Maybe?”

“What’s gotten into you?” he asks, and his lips settle into his usual smirk once more.

You shrug. “Can’t I want to see you?”

He wets his lips, and his smirk turns into a dashing smile again. “I mean, I can’t blame you, I’m the whole package.”

You laugh out loud, punching him in the shoulder. “Jimin!”

He laughs too, and it makes his features beam. He’s pretty, infinitely so, and for a moment you feel shy standing next to him.

“What are you drinking?” he asks.

You hand him the glass. “Gin and tonic, you want some?”

He doesn’t answer, but he grabs the glass. His fingers brush yours, and it’s like he did it on purpose. He takes a sip, and much like you he scrunches his nose as the taste hits his tongue.

“Did you get a double?”

You chuckle. “No, but it’s strong, isn’t it?”

He nods. “You’re planning to get plastered?” he asks as he hands you your glass back.

You tilt your head to the side, offering him a smirk of your own as you take the drink. “Now that you’re here, I might chill out on the alcohol.”

He doesn’t seem like he gets what you mean, or maybe the fact that Jungkook appears in the circle you’re forming with Jimin, Jo and Taehyung stops him from flirting back.

You avoid Jungkook’s gaze, though you reckon he didn’t even look at you once. His eyes are on Jimin’s profile, and he has a fixed smile on his lips.

“Jimin-ah!” he says.

Everyone falls silent, and the atmosphere turns far too awkward all of a sudden. Jungkook seems to realize, because he pouts a little, the way he always does when he’s a little upset or when people don’t reply to him. He seems to get the message though, because he pulls at his piercing before saying, “I was just wondering if you guys wanted shots”.

You think it’s a little stupid that he asked that. And it seems you’re not the only one, because Jimin declines. Jo and Taehyung say yes though, and you decide to walk away. You pull Jimin behind you, though you barely have to pull him.

“You know he’s not going to like us talking,” Jimin points out.

You look over your shoulder, behind Jimin, only to see Jungkook wrapping his arm around Laura’s shoulders before pressing a kiss to her temple. As much as it hurts, it also tells you that maybe he doesn’t even care at all.

“I think he’s busy with his girlfriend,” you reply. You drink the rest of your glass in a few long gulps, and then put it down on an unoccupied table. “Do you want to dance?”

Jimin looks you up and down once. You reckon you’re dressed a little formally for a club, but his eyes still drink you in before he says, “I’d never tell you no.”

He’s not aware of this. He has no reason to be, but you asking him that question stung. It still stings, because it makes you think of someone else. Someone who’s now kissing their girlfriend, and all you can think to do is watch.

Jimin notices, and he grabs your hand before pulling you away.

“First thing you’ll want to do,” he says gently, “is to stop looking at them.”

“Sorry,” you apologize.

“Don’t.” He offers you a smile as he stops on the outskirts of the dancefloor. “Don’t apologize. It’s okay.”

“You don’t mind?”

Jimin shrugs, and you think you’ve never seen him as serious as he is right now. “We don’t control our feelings. And you’re my friend. If I can help you in any way, I’ll do it.”

It’s sweet of him. And truly, Jimin is sweet. He cares about the people around him far more than he lets it show, and you think maybe that’s the reason why you’ve always appreciated him after all.

“Can you make me forget?” you ask as you take a step closer to him.

He wets his plump lips with a dart of his tongue. “I can try.”

That’s the only reason why you don’t resist when he pulls you into a kiss. And Jimin kisses well. At first, it’s just lips, but soon enough his tongue flicks at your bottom lip, and you let him in. His hands find your waist, and he pulls you closer as you sigh in his mouth. Your hands find leverage on his chest, and you kiss him slowly, languidly, though your thoughts run back to someone else.

They run back to a hot tub and the stars, and you stiffen in the kiss. Jimin gets the cue and he pulls away, resting his forehead against yours.

“I’m sensing this is not what you wanted,” he murmurs, and you barely even hear him over the music in the bar.

You move your hands until your arms are wrapped around his neck. “I think we should dance.”

He nods against you, and he pulls away, though his hands don’t move from your waist for a time. When they do, it’s to gently grab your wrists to move your own hands away from his neck, though his fingers close around yours.

“You keep your mind here with me, okay?”

You nod, because you don’t think you can talk right now, and you let him lead you to the middle of the dance floor. He pulls you close as you dance, and you reckon Jimin is a great dancer. His body moves with grace, and you find yourself enthralled by it, until you’re grinding your ass on him, his hands on your hips guiding your movements. His head is hung low, and your face is turned towards him. You’re so close you could almost kiss again, but this time Jimin doesn’t cross the distance.

He’s letting you decide what you want and right now you don’t know what you want. You just follow the rhythm, and focus on the reality of his body against yours. But as soon as one of his hands moves from your hip to your waist, you decide to just dive in, and you press your lips against his again.

He kisses you hesitantly, and it pisses you off. You want him to kiss you rough, to kiss you stupid until you forget everything that’s happened over the last few weeks. It feels unlikely that it’ll happen, but he tastes good. He tastes good and he’s slowly giving into you again, lips moving with more fervor.

You pull away just long enough to turn in his arms, until you can grab the collar of his shirt to pull him back into the kiss. Your mouths collide, and his fingers dig in the skin of your waist as your tongues meet.

You moan in his mouth when he sucks on your tongue, before pulling away to catch your breath. And even though you didn’t plan to look away, your eyes slide to a spot on your left.

You catch Jungkook’s gaze. His features are unreadable – he doesn’t even look upset. He looks like he’s just watching strangers kiss in a bar, and maybe that’s what you are to him now. It really does feel like you’re nothing but a stranger when he laughs and his gaze moves away from yours.

It breaks something inside of you. You didn’t think you had anything left in you that could break, but something snaps and you take a step back from Jimin.

“Fuck,” you let out.

Jimin’s eyes are closed, but he lets out a chuckle. “You can’t stay with me.”

“It’s just…” you trail off. You curse again, and one of your hands moves to your chest, to the spot that aches. “I thought I could.”

Jimin sighs, before opening his eyes to look at you. He doesn’t look hurt, but he does look sad. “He’s fucking stupid, you know that right?”

You chuckle bitterly, nodding your head. “Sometimes I feel like he did it to hurt me.”

You haven’t even dared tell your therapist that. But the words are out now, and Jimin only nods.

“I think all of us believe that,” Jimin agrees. “He’ll regret it, you know?”

That, more than anything before, shatters you completely. You find yourself blinking away tears, and Jimin just watches you with that sorry expression on his features.

“Will he?” you ask. You choke out a laugh. “I shouldn’t care.”

Jimin runs a hand through his hair. “We don’t control who we care about.”

He’s right. And it feels like he means more, or maybe you’re just imagining it. “Jimin…”

“Not…” He laughs. “I didn’t mean that I care about you like that. You’re a good friend. But…” he trails off, and for the first time in his life you think Park Jimin is shy. “I’m not the type of guy who does relationships. We could have sex, but then what would be left of our friendship?”

It’s like a parallel to what happened with Jungkook, but Jimin is offering you a way out on a silver platter. Still, it’s weird to talk about that on a dancefloor. It makes you laugh a little, and your mood shifts a little too, becoming lighter.

“You know,” you say, tentatively. “I’d rather have you as a friend too. I’m sorry about tonight.”

“Y/n,” Jimin says. He takes a step closer to you, grabs your hand and squeezes it gently. “Don’t apologize. And fuck Jungkook. You deserve way better.”

Tears sting at your eyes again, and you hold Jimin’s hand tighter. “Thank you.”

He offers you a sweet smile. “Anytime.” He looks around, but doesn’t seem to find what he’s looking for. “Do you want me to go get Jiho?”

You consider it. You’d like to cry in Jiho’s arms, the way you did when you were younger. But right now, you don’t feel like she’d be much comfort. As much as you love her, you’re seeking a lonelier company.

And maybe that’s why you panicked with Jimin in the first place. Because you’re not ready. You want to be, you want to forget everything about that July night, but you can’t. It was the culmination of too many feelings, and your heart has yet to recover.

“Honestly, I think I’m just going to head home,” you admit.

“Are you sure?” Jimin asks.

You wonder if this is hurting him. You hope it’s not. You genuinely appreciate his friendship, and you don’t want to lose it, though you reckon maybe the kisses have been enough to fuck things up.

You tend to fuck things up all the time, don’t you?

“Yes, I’m sure,” you finally reply.

Jimin nods, before pulling you into a hug. “I’m really sorry he hurt you.”

Your vision is blurred with tears now, but you made a promise to yourself all those weeks ago. The promise still stands, and you blink the tears away.

“Ah, it’s life,” you say, shrugging your shoulders as you pull away. “I’ll get over it.”

Jimin offers you a hopeful smile. “I know you will.”

You wish him a good night, hugging him one last time before walking away. You don’t look back to see if he’s watching you leave, to see if Jungkook is watching you leave. You don’t want to know, just want to breathe some air and stroll out in the night.

You make it four blocks away from the bar when the tears win the fight, and a few of them roll on your cheeks. You dry them with the back of your hand angrily, and surprisingly enough, it does the trick. Your eyes don’t line with silver again, and you take a deep breath as you keep on walking.

You make it three other blocks away when you realize that it’s late at night and you shouldn’t be walking alone. You’re not in a dangerous part of town at least, so you sit on the curb before grabbing your phone. You’d call a Lyft, but the thought of sitting in silence with an unknown driver just makes you feel worse. So you go to your text message, worry at your lips while you scroll down until you find your conversation with Jisung.

[11:57 pm] You: can u come pick me up?

Jisung replies a lot faster than you expected.

[11:59 pm] Sungie: what’s wrong? [00:00 am] Sungie: aren’t u with jiji [00:01 am] You: i left. i feel like shit… [00:02 pm] Sungie: felix says he can drive, drop ur location

It’s starting to rain by the time they arrive. Jisung sits with you in the back seat and you tell them everything. You tell them you have feelings for Jungkook. You tell them you feel like you’re losing Jiho, and like you’re losing your mind too. Jisung just holds your hand as you speak and cry, and when you get to Jisung’s house, the two boys force you to sit on the couch in the basement while they go get blankets. They come back with that and snacks, and soon enough you’re settled between them two, telling them about the cottage. About how you think maybe you’ve always had feelings for Jungkook, but never got the courage to admit it to yourself. You tell them about how it hurt to see him with his girlfriend, and how Jiho hid from you that they were going to be there.

You speak so much your throat gets dry, and Felix goes to get water for you. And when you’re done speaking, they comfort you, and you realize that you’re not standing in a space forgotten by everyone. Because Jisung is here with you, and so is Felix.

And so was Jimin, you reckon. Scottie and Jo and Kiko too. You’ve been so focused on your breaking heart that you couldn’t see the people that are there for you. It’s a strange thing to realize suddenly, and it gets you all emotional, all vulnerable.

Felix is dosing off on the couch next to you when Jisung asks, “Did you ever tell Jungkook how you feel about him?”

The tears come back then, and you blink them away. “I tried. It didn’t work.”

Jisung smiles sadly, apologetically. “You know, one day you’ll wake up and realize that he wasn’t shit. And until then it’s going to hurt, and I can’t tell you that it’ll be soon. Everyone grieves in their own time. But I promise you that one day you won’t care about him anymore.”

A lone tear rolls on your cheek this time. “I just wish I could stop seeing him altogether. But I can’t with dance practice twice a week.”

Jisung grabs your hand, thumb drawing soothing circle on your skin. “You don’t have to stay in the crew if it hurts you too much, you know?”

“I have to,” you say, shaking your head. “It’s all I have.”

He nods, slowly. “You’re strong, Y/n. I’ve seen you go through things you never should have had to go through. If there’s someone that can do it, it’s you.”

It’s your turn to smile sadly. “One day it won’t hurt anymore, right?”

“One day it won’t hurt anymore.”

Friday, August 24th

                Jungkook doesn’t think he has slept at all. All he has been picturing since he lied down last night is you kissing Jimin. Jimin kissing you. It’s burned into his eyelids at this point, and whenever he closes his eyes it’s all he can see.

He has no right feeling this way about it. Especially not as Laura is sleeping next to him, wearing nothing but one of his shirts because she forgot to bring some clothes to sleep over.

He feels selfish and he doesn’t like it. You’re allowed to move on too – after all, he moved on weeks ago. And it’s been easier than he thought it’d be, to be with Laura. Laura’s heart is simple and straightforward, and he’s never once doubted that she cares about him.

Maybe they aren’t in love love yet, but these things take time, don’t they?

The sun is rising outside. It’s painting his room in shades of gray, though gold has been chasing the bleakness away from the spot where it hits the panes of his window. He drew the curtains shut last night, but he didn’t draw them all the way shut it seems, because there’s a rectangle of melted gold on the wall of his room. He’s been looking at it as it progresses along the wall, and it’s about to hit the monitor of his PC set-up soon.

He sighs, running a hand over his features. His hand is shaking a little, from the sleep deprivation he presumes, and he puts it back down next to him. Laura is cuddled up by his side, but he hasn’t found the strength in him to hold her through the night.

He’s aching. Something settled deep down in his bones and it’s been aching all night.

All he wishes is for you to move on. He didn’t realize until last night that he would have to witness it, and he reckons he’s been brandishing his relationship into your face for weeks now. Voluntarily or not, but the existence of Laura has been a constant reminder to him whenever he’s seen you at dance practice.

The times you show up now, that is. Because you don’t come often anymore, and no one has given you shit for it. No one has given shit to Jungkook either. As a matter of fact, he feels like people don’t care at all. And it’s strange: the way that it felt with you was so strong he expected the whole universe to shake from him choosing not to pursue a relationship with you. But it seems you are the two only affected components, and he reckons these days he doesn’t know if he’s affected at all anymore.

That is a lie. Sleep evading him all night is proof enough of that.

Figuring that he’s not going to fall asleep anytime soon, Jungkook decides to get up. He makes little to no noise as he slides from under the comforter, and he puts on a pair of athletic shorts, a t-shirt and some slippers before he rises from the bed to walk out of his room. He looks back at Laura where she’s lying before getting out of the room: her hair is a golden halo around her head, and she still looks like the sun personified.

But Jungkook has always been more of a night person, hasn’t he?

He sighs once more, before sliding out of his room. He makes his way to the kitchen, slowly, wincing a little at the ever-present pain in his leg. It hasn’t been too bad lately, though it’s still there, a constant reminder that he’ll never be whole again.

To his surprise, Jimin is eating a bowl of cereal when Jungkook walks in the kitchen, and they both freeze as they exchange a look. Jimin looks tired, like he didn’t sleep either, and the purple bags under his eyes make Jungkook wonder about what happened between you and Jimin last night.

Are you asleep in Jimin’s bed, the way that Laura is asleep in his?

“Morning,” Jimin says, breaking the silence that’s been building up with tension.

Jungkook worries at his piercing, nodding his head curtly. “Morning,” he replies, and he finishes walking into the kitchen, making his way to the cupboard where the bowls are. He grabs a bowl for himself, before pouring some cereals in it.

As much as it feels awkward to do so, he sits next to Jimin at the table after having grabbed a spoon, adding milk into his bowl until he reckons his breakfast is ready. He dives the spoon in, taking a big bite as he tries to avoid Jimin’s gaze on his profile.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Jimin asks.

Jungkook swallows his bite, before throwing a side glance at Jimin. “Not really, yeah.”

Jimin sighs, sitting back in his chair as he folds his arms on his chest. “Something troubling you?”

It’s not much that it’s troubling him, it’s more that whenever his heart beats it hurts in his chest. But Jungkook doesn’t know how to say that to Jimin, so he settles on, “I guess so? You don’t look like you’ve slept much either.”

“Yeah,” Jimin says before chucking. “I was actually heading to bed, I gamed all night long.”

“Bruh,” Jungkook lets out, and they share a small, friendly laugh that makes Jungkook think maybe he and Jimin are fine.

He really hopes so, because he can’t lose the friendship the way he lost Taehyung’s. Not that he really lost Taehyung, but the months of animosity between them have created a wedge that they haven’t really been able to overcome. At least now they can talk and chill without being at each other’s throat, but it’s still not the way that it was before the accident.

Jungkook doesn’t think it’ll ever be the way that it was before the accident.

“I thought…” he trails off, and a frown moves on his features. Jimin just waits patiently for Jungkook to say more. “I thought you and Y/n left the bar together.”

Jimin’s lips are stretched thin as Jungkook glances at him. “She couldn’t.”

“What do you mean?” Jungkook asks, a little too quick for it to be normal.

Jimin sighs, wetting his lips. “You know exactly what I mean, Kook.”

Maybe he does, but some selfish part of him still wants to hear it. Perhaps because it’ll hurt, and it’ll materialize the pain into something he can actually glare at.

“Do I?”

Jimin chuckles. It’s bitter, angry, and Jungkook even thinks it might be jealous. “She’s in love with you, bro.”

Jungkook was right. It does hurt. No one ever said it right to his face, but he knows you have feelings for him. He was there under the stars that night, when the universe shifted. And he hates that he broke your heart, hates that he probably keeps on breaking it every day.

He can’t blame you for choosing not to attend all the dance practices now. He can’t blame you for how you’ve clearly been avoiding him, and he reckons he’s been avoiding you too. But the rare times that you are in the same room, he can’t lie and say he doesn’t see the sadness behind your eyes. And if the others see it too, they have been too good at pretending that they don’t.

Jo chooses this moment to walk in, and Jungkook finds he doesn’t know what to reply to Jimin. He doesn’t like lying, so he can’t say that it’s not true. Everyone knows you’re in love with him, and everyone knows that he’s dating someone else.

“Morning,” Jo says after a few seconds of evaluating the tension in the room. She probably decided that she needs to do something about it, because she adds, “You two look like shit.”

The joke falls flat, and Jungkook just looks at her for a time. Jimin eventually just chuckles, shaking his head slightly as he gets up. He picks up his bowl and spoon, before bringing them to the sink.

He’s rinsing them when he says, “I haven’t slept yet, and I’m about to go pass the fuck out”.

Jo laughs a little, and she moves towards the coffee machine. A moment later the kitchen fills with the sounds of coffee getting brewed, and Jungkook turns to glance at Jo. “Can I have one too?”

She nods her head, absentmindedly, glancing once between him and Jimin. It’s like she’s telling him something, and Jungkook just shrugs his shoulders as if to say he doesn’t know, or maybe he doesn’t care.

Which is another lie, because he knows and he cares.

“Good night,” Jimin says to no one in particular after he’s finished rinsing his bowl and spoon. He waves at them, and a second later he’s walked out of the kitchen, and Jungkook listens to his receding step until he can’t hear him anymore.

“Did you guys fight?” Jo asks, carefully, as if she’s aware it might be a sensitive subject.

Jungkook plays with his piercing a little, before shrugging his shoulders. “Not really.”

“You look upset.”

He is. The worst part is that he really is upset, and he shouldn’t be, because Laura is sleeping in his bed upstairs, unaware that his heart is aching for another.

“Yeah.” He doesn’t know what else to say. Jo knows that he too had feelings for you once, and the way his heart is aching makes him think that maybe the feelings are still there, now that the embarrassment from that night at the cottage and your reaction to it has passed.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

The coffee is ready before Jungkook replies. Jo is putting down a steaming cup in front of him when Jungkook finds the strength to speak. “I don’t really know what to say. I don’t think I should be upset right now. Like…” he trails off, eyes following the cloud of steam that lazily moves up from the black coffee. “It’s not okay for me to feel like this considering I am probably the reason why everything happened this way.”

Jo sits down across from him, hands wrapped around her mug. She tilts her head to the side, remaining silent for a little too long for Jungkook’s liking. “You feel haunted.”

He does. And he’s not surprised that she knows, because Jo is that kind of girl. She notices everything, understands people better than they understand themselves sometimes. Or at least that’s what she is to Jungkook, and he’s pretty sure that’s what attracted Taehyung to her in the first place.

“I guess so,” he agrees, but he doesn’t say anything else.

Jo lets him sit in his silence for a time, and he’s adding milk to his cup of coffee when she says, “You’re allowed to feel this way”.

He clenches his jaw, eyes stubbornly staying on his coffee as he puts the milk down. “It’s unfair for Laura.”

“Just for Laura?”

He wants to hate Jo for saying it like that, because he knows it’s unfair for you too. For himself, of course, but mostly for you. Because he never let you say what you wanted to say that night at the studio. And all night tonight he’s been wondering if you were going to confess your feelings to him. He was so blinded by his anger and embarrassment then, that he didn’t even think to listen to you.

He wonders where you’d be standing if he had actually listened to you. Though he reckons he knew. He didn’t need you to say it for him to know. And he still made the decision to be with Laura instead.

“It’s unfair for everyone implied in the situation,” he finally chooses to say.

“Life is that way,” Jo says wisely, shrugging her shoulders. She takes a small sip of coffee, though Jungkook is pretty sure it’s still too hot to be actually drunk. “Y/n liked you, you liked her, and you both were too proud.”

It sounds like an accusation, and a few days ago Jungkook would have bitten back. But on this early morning he only agrees. So he shrugs his shoulders, before saying, “Liking someone is not always enough”.

“Right.” Jo looks down at her mug, and then her eyes slide to where Jungkook’s been mindlessly playing with his cereal. “Do you regret it?”

He shrugs. “You’d have asked that question yesterday and I would have said no.”

“What about today?”

He doesn’t want to say it. But he does regret it. He regrets that he got so upset over you saying what you did that night. Because in the grand scheme of things, he’s not even sure it mattered. It was true, in some way. You never should have slept together that night. It made things far too concrete for them to be ignored, and your complicated heart chose the easy way out at first.

He can’t blame you, because had the roles been reversed he would have done the same thing. But he regrets the way his pride pushed you away, until his heart believed that he was actually doing the right thing by choosing to be with Laura. Now there’s a war between his mind and his heart, because his mind is at peace with his decision, but his heart is aching.

“I don’t know how to reply,” he admits. “I’d say yes I do regret it. But no, I wouldn’t change things.”

Jo slowly nods her head. She looks sad, and he remembers that she is your friend now. She is your friend and she hates Laura. Or maybe she just hates what Laura is to him.

They don’t speak much after that, and Jungkook reckons maybe the turmoil inside of him is exaggerated. Maybe he’s just upset because it was Jimin that you were kissing. Maybe he doesn’t actually care all that much.

He never knew he could be such a liar.

*****

                You watch your face on the screen, as the Facetime call rings on and on. You have planned this call for a while now, but you’re starting to think maybe your dad forgot.

You can’t really blame him. It’s his birthday, and you can imagine that he’s been busy with his family. It’s also around dinner time, so maybe he’s just stuck at the table unable to answer.

Your thoughts are running wild when the call finally connects, and your father’s smiling face appears on the screen.

“Y/n!” he greets you happily.

He’s wearing a birthday hat that makes him look a little stupid, in your opinion, but he looks so happy you find yourself blinking back tears.

“Happy birthday!” you say.

He immediately notices your unease, and you watch him walking away from wherever he first was. He changes rooms, and the sounds from his birthday celebration vanish as he closes the door behind him.

“Is something wrong?” he asks.

Of course he’d know. He knows you too well, can read you like the back of his hand. Maybe that’s the reason why you haven’t called him since before the weekend at the cottage.

“Just life being life,” you answer, shrugging your shoulders. “How’s your birthday party been going?”

“It’s fun,” he says, cautiously. “We just finished eating dinner.”

You slowly nod, trying to smile but you’re not sure it reaches your eyes. “How’s the family going?”

You see him battling his will to insist on talking about you for a few seconds, but he eventually caves in and tells you about everyone. His new wife started a new job, and she seems like she’s been adapting well. Their son is growing well, and he keeps asking who’s the girl in the picture in the living room. Your dad confirms that it’s a picture of you, and he says that he tells his son it’s his sister.     

At that you do cry a little.

“What’s wrong?” your father immediately enquires, concern laced with his voice.

“It’s just…” you trail off, shrugging your shoulders. “I’ve been feeling like shit for a while. And I really miss you.”

“Oh, Y/n… Come to California. You know you don’t have to stay with your mother anymore.”

But you do. You do because your whole life is here, and you don’t want to move away. You want him to come back, but that’s never going to happen, is it?

“I know,” you let out. You dry a tear that’s rolled on your cheek. “But I like it here.”

He nods. “What’s the matter?”

“Mom,” you admit. “And there’s a guy.”

You tell your father about Jungkook. He remembers him this time around, and he looks a little uncomfortable when you mention that you slept with Jungkook. But you’ve been needing to confide in a parental figure for a while now, and though you talked to Jisung last night, he isn’t your father. When you’re done talking, your father remains silent for a while, as if he’s thinking about everything that you said.

“I’m really sorry,” he eventually says. “I know it’s useless for me to say, but getting your heart broken always sucks.”

And he knows. Your mom ripped his heart from his chest, poured gasoline on it and then lit it on fire.

“I’m trying to be positive, to tell myself that it wouldn’t have worked out anyway, but it still sucks.”

“I know,” your dad gently says, nodding his head. “You should go downstairs, grab your mother’s ugly china and break it.”

The suggestion makes your heart pause in your chest, and then you start laughing. You laugh because he sounded so serious, and he used to tell you that whenever you were upset when you were a kid. He said that you needed to wait until you were really hurting, and then that breaking it would make you feel better.

Needless to say, your mother always scolded him for saying that, and scolded you after for good measure.

“Oh, I miss you so much,” you say when your laughter recedes. “You know, I think I’ll visit during the holidays. I know it’s far but I can’t before then…”

“You’d be most welcome,” he assures you. “And until then remember that it’s okay for a heart to break. But you have to allow yourself to heal too.”

His words stay with you for the rest of the evening, and you think maybe he’s right. Maybe you haven’t really allowed yourself to heal yet, because sitting in the hurt was more comfortable. Like it was a comfort zone of some sort, and you reckon it might have been. Because growing up you were often hurt by your mother, so the emotions feel familiar.

Them being familiar doesn’t mean that you should cling to them though. So, before you go to bed that night, you grab your phone, move to your messaging app, and scroll down to Jungkook’s conversation. You’re itching to reread everything again, but this time you choose your own peace of mind instead of all the what-ifs that have been haunting you. You take a deep breath to steel yourself, and then you delete the conversation.

A few seconds later you delete his number too.

Prev | Next

☆☆☆☆☆

Yeahhh lots of angst again. But I promise that it is soon going to get better! What did we think of this one?

All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts 2023. Do not copy, repost or translate.

Taglist (strike-through means dumblr is not letting me tag you my bad):

@chimchimmarie | @pamzn | @sugaluvmyg | @tearyjjeon | @jkclouds | @libra04 | @parkinglot-nights | @ggukieasy | @omnomnomtron | @jichimx | @synnfulqt | @leedoesntknaur | @pornichet | @melodiesforari | @oopscoop | @nadzzzblog | @amylouisecullen | @sunwooful | @parkethereal | @jeonhvvrs | @daisies-and-dandelionpuffs | @bloopkook

[izusun]

*hands you an AU dump to hoard like a little goblin handing a small coin to a dragon*

OKAY so basically: after the doctor's visit where Izuku learns he's quirkless (I hc that they went when he was about five n' a half), Inko does a little bit of research on quirks and more specifically on her son's notebooks, learns that he's even more brilliant at quirk analysis than she originally suspected, and (after looking at some not great quirkless statistics) she instead informs Izuku that no, he's had a quirk all along! It's an analysis quirk!

So she updates the quirk registry, and Izuku goes through his life believing he has an analysis quirk, albeit teased for being a late bloomer, but he still can't shake the insecurity being quirkless for that one and a half year gave him.

He does research on all sorts of things, hacking, knife throwing, first aid, and building his own support gear and takes to all of it like a duck to water. He also does research on UA's policy for support gear in the entrance exam (cause surely they've gotta have a policy for non-offensive quirks like Koda and Hagakure) and finds that he can take one with him if he builds it himself. He goes fuckin bonkers.

Anyways: he trains with Katsuki, cause they're relationship is pretty good since Izuku has a 'quirk.' They both demolish the entrance exam. (Also Izuku kinda swears a lot because Katsuki rubs off on him)

Aizawa doesn't notice a goddamn thing is amiss until the battle trials on the second day (he decides to shadow All Might that day), where when he was using his quirk to silence his students while Izuku was rambling, he just didn't stop, as if he didn't notice anything was wrong. It happens again during the USJ.

So at some point during the sports festival, Nedzu (who is now intrigued because of Aizawa's complaining) invites Izuku into his office during a free period and lets him go ham on analysis, all while Aizawa is secretly there erasing Izuku's 'quirk.' Nedzu invites Izuku to be his personal student (making Aizawa go grey), he says yes, and then Nedzu drops the absolute BOMBSHELL that Izuku is actually quirkless. Cue an existential crisis.

(Also Izuku gets captured at the training camp alongside Katsuki because of his "analysis quirk," wonder how well that goes for him~)

- Goblin anon (sorry this one was kinda long)

GOBLIN?? DUDE???? HOLY SHIT I KNEW YOUR AUS ARE ALWAYS PHENOMENAL BUT THIS RIGHT HERE??? D U D E

i misunderstood the prompt a bit but i genuinely don’t know how to backtrack, so here you go goblin. sorry again o(TヘTo)

ok first of, inko taking on a stronger stance to support her son? love that of her. like, she doesn’t say sorry when izuku turned to look at her and cried that he can’t be like all might. instead, she took him in her arms and assures him that he will be a great hero. at first, of course half of it is lip service because she doesn’t know how to help her quirkless boy be a hero, since, you know, heroes need quirks.. (or do they)

and then she comes across a quirkless self help group which rang many many warning bells in her head. what kind of life do quirkless people live when a google research of them resulted in subsequent pages of results like how to stay safe when quirkless, or how to find jobs when quirkless, or quirkless mortality rates?

she fears for izuku, until she notices that her son’s smart. too smart for his age, but inko thought she’s just being biased. but izuku’s wit is something many people notice, for an instance, when izuku goes to the park to play and his friends’ (the few ones who stayed) parents tell her that her son’s smart for a quirkless person, she realizes that izuku’s wit is far more vast than normal.

then a thought worms into her head but wouldn’t it be bad to lie…but also, no one would be any the wiser.

further pushed by all the statistics she keeps seeing, or the lack thereof, about quirkless people, she makes the decision and pours it to izuku.

izuku who’s far smarter than his age and understood what his mom is asking from him. izuku who already saw the disparities between quirked and quirkless people at the tender age of five. izuku who knows what it means to lie about something as personal as a quirk, but realizes that it’s necessary for him to do so if he wants to live a “normal” life.

so he agrees; he tells inko that he’ll work even harder to sharpen his mind, and to keep expanding his knowledge.

when izuku’s quirk file is officially updated, he watches how his peers and teachers revert back into treating him as izuku. he regains his old friends, but he chose to drop them because he doesn’t want to surround himself with people who thought he was less for being quirkless.

katsuki stayed, surprisingly. katsuki stayed and everyday he kept bothering izuku to “get your quirk already!” katsuki stayed because he can’t fathom that the smartest boy in their class (of course not as smart as him, psshh) is quirkless. deku couldn’t be quirkless. (but if he found out that izuku, indeed, is, i wonder what would happen…)

katsuki was one of the loudest to celebrate when izuku announced that his quirk arrived.

“finally!” he screams and bothers izuku about the semantics of his quirk. he really wasn’t surprised to find out that izuku has an analysis quirk because he thought that nothing else would better be suited for izuku.

he doesn’t know that izuku pours so much of his time into learning and studying, often bypassing basics and intros to take more of the developed courses that are usually recommended for older ages. he doesn’t know that izuku is just a naturally smart kid with the ability to fill the gaps of his young mind with knowledge upon knowledge, storing and stacking them until he feels that he’s laid a sturdy foundation for his fake quirk.

then izuku began threading into different areas. he learns how to get into cyberspaces; hacking into accounts and delving more into how to access private information. he doesn’t thread too close lest he gets caught, but he learns the logistics of maneuvering around the web and burrowing in empty spaces to branch out his own. he creates and designs web algorithms for himself, just so he doesn’t trigger anyone who is looking into the web movements. he hones this and uses it to access more information.

then when he deems it enough, he turns his attention to something more tangible and something more physical. he learns other ways to be a hero; how to fight without a physical quirk, how to win against bigger opponents, how to use analysis quirk in fights.

izuku becomes more than a fake analysis quirk user; he creates it.

mental quirks are hard to describe, more so to compress, thus he creates new definitions of an analysis quirk. what used to be a silly lie is now a tangible fact that izuku believes in. because what makes a quirk? because what makes analysis a quirk? he learns these semantics (often political) and uses it to his advantage.

then he finally threads to hero analysis. at first it were classmates he analyzed; eyes running quickly at their forms and watching with great interest before calculating everything he’s seen and transversing it with the things he learned, and bridges these two facts together to create an analysis. it was a struggle at first: he didn’t know which to put emphasis on until he realizes, he doesn’t need to. he weaves them together and lets his analysis run long and watches how his hobby comes into fruition.

following his classmates are current heroes. these were more tough and more fun, and any of the information is less shared. he doesn’t tell his classmates or teachers about his analyses, only katsuki. and katsuki’s breath hitch every damn time at izuku’s talent quirk.

it is in their second year of middle school that midoriya begins to incorporate the facts with himself to create physical performances. the issues and things he learned through observing are now practiced by himself. he calculates the best way to fight with a body as petite as his, often taking examples from pro-hero hawks and other women heroes. their agilities and physicality suit izuku’s young body; he doesn’t see the merit in punching his way through things when he physically cannot.

so he learns ways to ease his muscles. he learns ballet and gymnastics; lets his muscles contort and mend themselves anew. he finds his balance and roots himself firmly, and learns to calculate his actions so he doesn’t waste his energy. katsuki doesn’t say anything, but he sees izuku’s dance and falls in love.

then in the spring of their third year of middle school, izuku learns how to build and handle weapons.

this is the easiest. izuku learns that weapons aren’t tools, but extensions of his arms and hands. they are not to be revered and not to be depended on because they can fail. instead, he learns to wield weapons as though they are parts of his bodies. he learns how to use swords and often narrowing to wooden sticks that can be picked up anywhere; he learns how to fire guns and how to hide daggers in his uniform. he learns that his body is the best weapon to use and that tools are just arsenal to help him win.

then he learns how to build them.

by summer, izuku begins reaching into UA’s servers. they are hard codes to crack, but not impossible. it takes him five days to access old entrance exam videos. the next day, the videos are snuffed and he is left to try digging deeper into UA.

he fails.

nezu must have caught onto his codes and proceeded to build walls against it.

so he slithers out. but a five minute video of last year’s entrance exam is enough for izuku because he learns two things: one, heroes must defeat villains and two, heroes must save others.

izuku prepares for this. unknowingly, katsuki is taught these same principles. katsuki would grumble and tell him that he knows what heroes must do, but izuku continues to hammer it down to him.

by the time of the UA entrance exam, izuku falls into the ease of having a fake quirk. he passes the written exam with flying colours and although it took three teachers to approve his support gears (present mic had to pull in powerloader, midnight, and hound dog to ensure that the well designed support gears are made by the hero student examinee and not by a support student examinee. majima saw the works and begged nezu to allow izuku to be his student.), izuku still succeeds and dominates the entrance exam.

when the zero pointer was released, he had flung himself towards the girl crushed by debris and yanks her out. he doesn’t waste a modified grenade to explode the zero pointer because through his calculations, doing so would not only create more collateral damage, but would also endanger the examinee in his arms because she still would be caught in the crossfire.

nezu hums in appreciation from the screening room, after all, smart minds always do think alike.

izuku gets a whopping 92 in the physical aspects of the entrance exam.

katsuki gets 85.

aizawa gleefully takes them in.

izuku thinks that no one will ever know of his and inko’s secret, but one look at nezu’s beady eyes and he knew that the stoat knew. it became a game to them, then. a game to see who else would realize.

and while izuku is smart, he doesn’t realize that nezu has basically taken him as his personal student the moment he and izuku had created a bet.

it takes two months for aizawa to figure things out. surprisingly, he is the only one to do so and he only realizes due to the many untimely attacks of LoV.

——

how angst would it be if katsuki realizes that izuku’s always been quirkless during their captivity in the LoV’s hideout.

[insomniziam]

People who believe in zigi... I wonder if they think of this like. Since Zayn keeps calling out the industry (that it's a cage he's trapped in), fake friends, that he doesn't want to be a part of this, doesn't want to answer to certain questions so he replies to fanart instead, etc. Don't they wonder why he willingly participate in pap walks and all ? Coz given all the things he's said, it'd mean that he only participates coz he has to and not coz he wants to. And then, why would he have to? Coz of contracts duh!

Hey nonnie, thanks for sharing your thoughts with me!

And I very much agree with you! To put it frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't care. Not that I can blame them, because there is actually a lot of digging necessary to actually understand what's going on behind the scenes, and a lot of people don't have the time to worry about such things.

However, some of it is completely blatant, like the fact that G can't answer basic questions about Zayn correctly, like his nationality, or how they first apparently got together, or the fact that they don't even take a baby bag with them when taking G's daughter to the Aquarium 🤦‍♀️. Things I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of them swept under the rug under the guise that they think G and Zayn look good together, and spend way too much time fantasizing over their "relationship", no matter how toxic its portrayal. (Each to their own, I guess).

But Zayn has known how to fly under the radar for years now. He could travel from the US back to his family in Bradford and we wouldn't know until his family post photos with him weeks after the fact. What is their justification for the fact that the minute he's with G he loses all ability to stay incognito? Does that not raise red flags for these people?

In the rap, he also talks about fakery in the industry quite a lot, a line I find particularly interesting is when he says:

Hard living in pretends

Fake friends won't make amends

There's no need

These mean queens control the scenes

He's talking about his struggles with constantly having to pretend to be someone he isn't, mentions fake friendships (could be read as relationships), and then, in a line I find particularly telling, I honestly think he was shading the Hadids. They're the mean queens and they control whatever stunt it is that they deem necessary to execute, like babygates.

This isn't the first time Zayn has mentioned the fakery that clings to the entertainment industry, either. Go back through his music catalogue and you'd see him use the theme of deception over and over again.

The Theme of Fake Love in Zayn Malik's music

(I didn't think this would become a mini analysis of Zayn's music catalogue, but I'm on a roll and I feel like I need to express this because it'd be a good resource for myself in the future)

Mind of Mine

In his first solo album, the song tRuTh he talks about not wanting to be a pawn in the industry's (or management's) game:

This ain't my scene, this wasn't my dream

It was all yours, of course

I got caught up in this game

And you know I won't say names of who's to blame

His dream was to create music. but the industry has distorted that dream for their own gain, and he learned that too late. As we know, he was very young when he was first introduced to the industry, would have been distracted by all the glitz and glam that comes along with being a famous musician, that he didn't realise that his management had so much control over him and his image, and he was contractually obligated to follow their rules, i.e. getting caught up in their game.

He also talks about fake love in the single SHE DON'T LOVE ME

I think I know she don't love me

That's why I fuck around

I think I know she don't love me

That's why I fuck around

Now in the context of the song, he's very clearly talking about a lover who had no interest in him, and was cheating on him, and so he would do the same to her. However, based on the fact that he would have written this around the time he was still publicly dating a member of Little Mix, and there were constant rumours about him cheating on her, I wouldn't be surprised if this was his way of getting back at her for helping in fuelling those rumours, and turning the tables back on her.

And the obvious one, his collaboration with Khelani, wRoNg:

You're looking in the wrong place for my love

Don't think because you're with me this is real

You're looking in the wrong place for my love (my love)

Don't stop what you're doing 'cause I like that too

Very obviously following with the theme of fake love, he literally states that it's not real.

Icarus Falls

If there were ever a song wrote with G in mind, it's Entertainer:

Guess you didn't know that

You were my favorite entertainer

I watch you, I laugh with and fuck with you

Don't you take me for a fool

In this game, I own the rules

You were my favorite entertainer

I watch you, I laugh and we fake it too

Don't you take me for a fool

I'ma show you a thing or two

It's very sarcastic, and that's why I love it so much. I also think it's important to note that he mentions the game again, except this time, he's the one in control of it. He knows how the game works, and knows how to use it to his advantage, mostly through his music, and I don't think it was an accident that they used someone who vaguely looks like G to play the female lead in the music video.

Know it's harder to take

And let's face it

No one's playing your games, let's face it

I'm bein' straight up

I know a fake love when I see it anyway

I'ma turn you down when you need me anyway, anyway, anyway

Again the obvious mention of fake love, but I also think it's hilarious that he mentions the fact that he's going to turn her down, because he's done that very thing multiple times. The instances that come to mind was that one time G was left outside his apartment building because he refused to let her in:

And then the very distinctive answer be gives to a pap asking him to comment about whether or not they're getting back together:

Nobody Is Listening

You'd think the title itself would be a dead giveaway to these people, but alas, that doesn't seem to be the case.

Our first introduction to Zayn's rapping talent comes to us in the form of the first song off his third album, Calamity:

Fuck all of your fantasies

You're a snake, fell off the ladder

I prefer speakin' in analogies

I've had enough of all this wet

And I can't trust that you're my family

I don't know what's next

The brain dead, that I never miss

Again, he's referencing the use of games (snakes and ladders)but she's the one that will lose, and use the analogy to call G a snake. According to the urban dictionary, a snake is someone who is two-faced, meaning they act one way in front of one group of people and then completely different to another (her followers as opposed to who she is behind closed doors, for example).

My question for die-hard zigis is simple; if he's not referencing G, then who is he referencing? His constant reference of fake love, and fakeness in the industry, who is he talking about, if not his highly publicised 'relationship' with G?

I know that this isn't necessarily what you asked for nonnie, and I apologise for that, but hopefully you appreciate it anyway 😅

Have a good day!

[cha-melodius]

Tags: Illya Kuryakin/Napoleon Solo, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, (but everything else is the same), Undercover Missions, Undercover as a Couple, Mission Fic, Fluff, absurdly fluffy for a mission fic, blink and you miss it angst, Misunderstandings, Banter, Revelations, Public Displays of Affection, Developing Relationship, Idiots in Love, Non-Explicit Sex, Concerned Illya, Illya POV, Napoleon pov

Summary: Napoleon and Illya have to go undercover at a couples retreat, and the mission turns out to be both easier and harder than they expected.

Note: But chamel, I hear you saying, aren't there approximately eleventy-hundred undercover-as-a-couple fics in this fandom? Don't you have other things you've promised people you would write? Well, yes and yes, but I stumbled across this concept and inspiration is a bitch who insisted I write it, so here you go. I can promise that there is a twist to this one that I haven't seen in this fandom before (at least for this pairing, and of course I apologize if I missed something), so I hope it entertains. It's a mission fic, so it got longer than I planned of course, but it's not going to get super long *glares at story and tells it to behave*. The whole thing is very lighthearted, which I guess I needed after finishing a novel. I'll be updating on the weekends like I have in the past, because its easier to just keep to my schedule.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 [COMPLETE]

Preview of Chapter 1 below the cut, or read the whole chapter over at AO3. Chapters will be linked above each week.

“You’re late. Both of you,” Gaby hisses, jabbing an accusing finger in their direction. “We were supposed to be in briefing a half an hour ago.”

“It’ll be fine,” Napoleon counters smoothly. “Waverly probably hasn’t even finished making his tea.”

Gaby just glowers at him. There’s an easy grin on his face, but Illya can see the subtle tension in his shoulders, and he doesn’t doubt that she can see it too. She’s highly observant, even for a spy, and she knows them too well after more than a year of working together. Napoleon likes to pretend that he can still hide things from her, which is the whole reason they are late in the first place. Or rather, the argument that they had that morning about keeping secrets is the reason they are late, but Illya is happy to blame Napoleon.

Not that he can actually use that as an excuse out loud.

“What were you two up to before work, anyway?” she asks after she gestures impatiently for them to follow.

Illya looks sharply at her, but there doesn’t seem to be anything particularly knowing behind the question. Still, it’s disconcerting. “What? Why would you say that?”

“You arrived together, duh. Please don’t tell me that Napoleon called you to come get something off a high shelf for him.”

“Hey!” Napoleon protests, affronted, but Gaby ignores him.

“Actually, do tell if that’s the reason,” she muses, a small smile playing on her lips now. “It would serve him right. I don’t know why anyone needs bookshelves that go all the way to the ceiling.”

“It was coincidence,” Illya grumbles. He told Napoleon they should stagger their entrances, but, well, they were running late, and Napoleon insisted everyone would be too busy notice. In a spy agency. Illya doesn’t know why he listens to him, ever.

Napoleon opens his mouth to say something—some excuse for their suspicious arrivals, an insistence that he is in no way short, or a defense of his bookshelves; hard to tell which—but they’ve arrived at Waverly’s office by then. Their boss does not look pleased by the delay, though it is difficult to tell behind the genial British manners as he invites them to take their usual seats. Napoleon settles into the leather armchair, Illya on the couch, and Gaby perches on the edge of the desk, the better to get a glimpse of whatever intel Waverly’s working with. Like the files won’t be in all of their inboxes immediately after the briefing.

“You all know we’ve been tracking the dealings of the Catharus Corporation for the last few months,” Wavery begins, folding his hands lightly on the desk in front of him. “It has been frustratingly difficult to infiltrate their organization by the usual methods, we only find out about their transactions after they’ve been completed. Well, this time Analysis is sure that they’ve identified where their next sale will take place with just enough time to get agents in place.” “What’s the product?” Napoleon asks. Catharus seems to have a greatly diversified portfolio of black-market dealings, from weapons to art to secrets.

“We don’t know that,” Waverly tells him. “All we know is that the sale will happen here, sometime in the next four days.” He taps at his keyboard and the large monitor behind him displays photos of what looks to be a beach resort, somewhere tropical. There are palm trees and pairs of beach chairs in front of a good-sized even center, with quaint little blue-roofed huts dotting the surrounding landscape. 

“Well that looks pleasant,” Napoleon says approvingly. “Always nice when villains have taste.”

Waverly gives him a typically dry look. “It’s a couples retreat.”

“Oh.”

The disappointment is obvious in Napoleon’s voice; couples missions almost always mean Illya and Gaby, and if it’s truly a retreat for couples only he’ll be reduced to taking a service position at the resort, if he even gets to go at all. He is part of the briefing, though, which suggests the former.

“Guess I’ll dig out my bikini,” Gaby chirps, her mood clearly improved.

“Guess again,” Waverly replies, so blithely that Illya almost doesn’t realize what he actually said. “This particular retreat is for same-sex couples.”

“Huh?” Gaby huffs.

“What?” Illya blurts.

“Say that again?” Napoleon queries, all at the same time.

“Same-sex couples, exclusively,” Waverly repeats, leveling his measured gaze at them each in turn. “I know this is an unusual request for you, and I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t think you were the best for the job.” He says all of this staring directly at Illya, which is understandable. That Napoleon is bisexual is in his file, and has been made use of multiple times in particular types of honeypot missions. Illya, though… Illya is the one who has always been visibly uncomfortable when those missions arise. Illya is the one who had point blank asked Waverly not to send him as backup on those missions unless it was strictly necessary.

It wasn’t for the reason that everyone thinks, though.

[roseforthethorns]

Meta Analysis of Bond Theme Songs/ Intro Sequences in the Daniel Craig Canon

Analysis 1: Casino Royale

One of the things we usually notice first before anything else in a Bond film (besides awesome action and chases and things) is the theme song. Recent Bond films have even released the theme songs before the films themselves. We go into the movie already prepared to bop to the music and look at the way it fits with the film.

“You Know My Name” is the first theme song we have with Daniel Craig’s version of the eponymous spy. I honestly love how this film opens, especially since we only have about 3 to 3.5 minutes of introduction before the opening sequence. The black and white style helps link the old with the new, the specific angles looking up or looking down give us a sense of isolation and scope, the lack of strong music (until the bathroom fight) underpinning this quiet confrontation… This is a brand new James Bond, a fresh double-oh, driven by ego, and at least at the beginning here, he’s hiding in the shadows. And he gives one of my favorite lines of the Bond movies ever: “I know where you keep your gun.” There is a reason this is my favorite iteration of James Bond.

All of this is leading up to our first major theme song for Craig’s Bond: Chris Cornell’s “You Know My Name” (RIP Cornell- you’re gone too soon). Bond lands that perfect, classic Bond turn and shot, and then the aesthetic of this intro is EVERYTHING. It’s clear from the get go that we will be playing cards, and you can spot the major antagonists and interests in the intro. There’s a Jack that has Le Chiffre’s scar, one of the queens is Vesper. The bad guys dissolve into Card suits when they die. I love the detail of the sniper scopes turning into roulette wheels. It’s 100% one of the most creative introductions to a Bond film that I’ve ever seen.

And then there’s the music.

It’s a solid rock number with hints of orchestra clearly establishing the elements of the music that will serve as the main theme throughout the film (with some little nods to the traditional James Bond theme music- even if we won’t properly hear that until Skyfall. And we will get to Skyfall). It has a consistent, upbeat tempo that drives the music and the intro sequence, but it also reinforces the scene we have just witnessed.

“If you take a life, do you know what you’ll give?/ Odds are you won’t like what it is.” These are the first two lines of the song, and right away they hint that Bond truly does not yet know the cost of killing in his line of work. He’s only killed two people as a spy at this point in his career, since that second death earns him his status as a double-oh agent. He will face a great deal more death in the following 2.5 hours… and he is honestly not ready. He thinks he is, but the cost to his own soul might just not be worth it.

The lyrics continue to say that “you” (I will assume the “you” means “Bond” from here on out) is not so divine as angels, that his fall will just be another pawn, another card. He is on his own, self reliant because that’s the nature of the work (“Arm yourself because no-one else here will save you/ The odds will betray you. And I will replace you”). While the speaker of the song isn’t clear, it feels like the speaker is singing to Bond specifically, asking the hard questions and challenging him to the upcoming battle of wits and espionage. Maybe it’s Fate. Maybe it’s M. Maybe it’s Death.

I love the title “You Know My Name.” Bond likely doesn’t know the speaker, either as a person or as an idea. It’s also a fun little dig at the fact that Bond is absolute shite at code names, always leading with his name DESPITE BEING UNDERCOVER. I can just imagine M rolling her eyes in despair as Bond once again forgoes actual stealth in favor of… oh I dunno, crashing right through a wall?

The second verse of the song grows even darker, suggesting that the rules aren’t set in stone and are liable to change at any moment, mostly without Bond’s knowledge. That’s spy work. That’s some of the danger he faces. As a double-oh, he has to deal with physical, mental, and emotional torment. Within the movie itself, it seems like Bond might have a bit of black widow in him- both women he gets involved with die rather horribly. The first death seems to barely affect him. The second destroys him and leads him on a path for pure revenge. Both are incredibly necessary to create the hardened agent with a wall around his heart. But both still hurt.

“I’ve seen diamonds cut through harder men/ Than you yourself but if you must pretend/ You may meet your end.”

Bond really does pretend to be hardened and cold throughout the movie, but it’s the connection with Vesper that undermines everything. Her kidnapping gets him in one of the worst torture situations I’ve certainly seen on film (no I haven’t seen Dragon Tattoo, I’m not ready for that yet; and the drill torture in Spectre can go fuck itself). But as for this song and this movie and this story, Bond falls in love because the game twists around him until he can’t see the truth right in front of him. He misses that key detail about Vesper because of his heart. But by the end of the movie, he stops pretending- in that he stops kidding himself that he can leave the life of a spy. He will always be in danger and the odds will always be against him. No matter how hard he tries, he can’t save everyone.

And in Casino Royale, he finds that the prize “may never fulfill [him].”

[jenomark]

A-Z Analysis of Mark

💚 Smut

💚 18+

💚 This is only fantasy

💚 Love of My Life😌

A ⇥ Aftercare

  After sex, a little part of Mark gets shy knowing what you two have done together. If you look at him, he’ll do nothing but smile and blush. Tells you how crazy everything is. Gets talkative once he gets past that awkward stage. Ends up winding himself down so that he can sleep. 

B ⇥ Body Part

  He thinks his favorite body part should be his ass, since everyone talks about it so much. Mark doesn’t mind any part of his body. He goes through moments where he thinks his legs look good in a certain light, or his arms are finally gaining some muscle. On you, he likes your pretty eyes. 

C ⇥ Cum

  Mark comes fast if you don’t slow down. He can’t help himself from releasing too early, or from making the most helpless noises when his load spurts from the tip of his cock. Scrunches up his face when he comes, and it’s extra cute.

D ⇥ Dirty Secret

  His dirtiest secret is that he enjoys Hentai. He tries not to be attracted to comically large breasts, but he’s enamored by them. Low-key attracted to animations. Would never admit it to anyone because he knows they’ll make fun of him for years. 

E ⇥ Experience

  Mark is inexperienced. Sex isn’t his main priority. Has never had a first kiss either. When he does, it will be sweet and innocent. 

F ⇥ Favorite position

  He can’t figure out if he likes missionary or having you on top of him more. With missionary, it feels more natural to him. With you on top, it’s like you’re living all of his wildest fantasies. 

G⇥  Goofy

  As hard as he tries to be dignified, all of Mark’s mistakes make him break. He can’t help but laugh if something goes wrong, or to pause mid-thrust and tell you something he forgot to tell you about his day.

H ⇥ Hair

  He keeps his hair neatly groomed, so it doesn’t bother him. Shaves his happy trail when he can be bothered. On you, he would like the same kind of grooming. There is a part of him that worries he can’t please you as well if he can’t fully see every part of you. 

I ⇥ Intimacy

  Having a connection with Mark is necessary. If he doesn’t like you, he won’t fuck you. There is a purpose to everything he does. Sex with him would be full of emotions, with one of you liking the other so much that anything you do together will feel good. He’s not good at flirting, but he is good at being honest. Thinks of new ideas to make the night even more romantic, and is always willing to step his game up.

J ⇥ Jack Off

  Masturbates to relieve stress. Doesn’t do it as often as other people. Makes it quick. A part of him feels regretful afterwards. Constantly thinks about whether you masturbate, though.

K ⇥ Kink

  His kink would be watching people masturbate. He’s obsessed with watching how you would go about it, keeping his eyes on every move you made. Since he’s observant, he would notice every little detail. Wants you to masturbate in front of him until he can’t take it anymore, and he has to fuck you to know what it’s like.

L ⇥ Location

  Feels the most comfortable fucking in a bed. Slowly branches out to the couch, or to the kitchen floor. If you push him up against the counter and stick your hand down his pants, it will open his world up to new possibilities. 

M ⇥ Motivation

  Him feeling frustrated unexpectedly turns him on. He would like working out your body like he likes working out a problem. Likes to feel pent up and then fuck you for a release. Physically, he’s turned on by seeing some skin. 

N ⇥ No

  Is turned off by things that are too kinky. Doesn’t love being humiliated. As soon as he comes, he’s uninterested in continuing further. 

O ⇥ Oral

  Sucking his dick is the fastest way to make him come. He loves laying on his back on the bed, putting his hand behind your head and watching as you suck him dry. Since he likes being an overachiever, he also likes to give. Moans as he goes down on you. Uses his fingers when his tongue gets tired. 

P ⇥ Pace

  Likes it when you control the pace more. Keeps everything even and steady to the point where you have to tell him when to fuck you harder and faster. 

Q ⇥ Quickie

  Is not into having a quickie. Though his libido easily calms down, his mind overthinks so much, and it won’t stop until long after you’ve stopped pleasuring him. 

R ⇥ Risk

  Is not into being risky. There is a part of him that sees fucking in public or having threesomes as reasonable, but it’s not his thing. 

S ⇥ Stamina

  He can keep going up until when he comes. After he comes, his energy starts to dissolve. There are rare occurrences when he’s too excited to do anything else but go for a second round. 

T ⇥ Toy

  It would take a lot to convince him to use toys. Even so, he would only use them on you.

U ⇥ Unfair

  If you want him to tease you, he’ll do it. There is something about his personality that suggests he would like being teased. Wants you to be the one to break him.

V ⇥ Volume

  Mark’s voice gets deeper when he’s in the moment. Breathless and deep, his moans come out in a growl. Hearing you moan keeps him motivated to do this best. Curses a lot.

W ⇥ Wild Card

  “You’re hard,” you’ll say, watching as Mark sits across the couch, his eyes on the hand resting on your thigh “Is it because of me? Because of this?” You move your hand over your jeans, cupping your pussy. Seducing Mark is always fun. Mark uses his arm to hide his swollen cock and puts his head down to hide the shy smile. “I’m sorry,” he’ll say. “Shit, I mean, yeah..I’m sorry.” You dig your hand underneath the waistband of your tight jeans and delight when Mark’s attention is back on you. You touch yourself and tell him how it feels. “Wet,” you start saying. “So wet, Mark. The more I touch myself, the harder it is to stop. Do you want me to keep going? Do you want me to come?”  Mark rubs the front of his pants and nods earnestly. “I want that,” he says. “I want you.”

X ⇥ X-Ray

  Small when soft, decent when hard. The kind of dick that fits perfectly within your depth. 

Y ⇥ Yearning

Since sex isn’t his top priority, Mark’s sex-drive isn’t that high. He does crave familiarity. 

Z ⇥ ZZZZ

  Falls asleep on his stomach with his hand underneath the pillow. Falls asleep fast if you’re in bed with him. Wakes up in the middle of the night sleep-calling your name and wanting you near him. Has no recollection of it when he wakes up. 

[bellatrixobsessed1]

I completely understand where you are coming from. I got active in fandom to find people to connect with over similar interests as a way to help me cope with what has been a very rough year. And while a lot of people I've met here are great and wonderful and like having discussions, there is also a larger part that comes across as almost unbearably antagonistic. It seems like everyone is trying to out 'woke' each other and find a new person or idea to demonize. This has made being in this space very uncomfortable, and I'm honestly terrified I'm going to post or say something that someone is going to latch onto as the new big bad thing to get everyone to rally against. There's almost a mob mentality going on with the younger crowd, and it is very unhealthy.

This so much!!! That’s exactly why I made this post. I get that this has been a stressful year so tensions and moods are probably high/unstable. Hell, I know that I snapped on one or two people who didn’t really deserve it. But like that’s still not okay. It wasn’t okay for me to give those users a hard time for no reason. And it’s unacceptable for others to do that too. Like we can’t be using tough times as an excuse to be rude to people. Of course it’s a lot harder to keep oneself in check when stressed, depressed, etc. but again, ya gotta have the awareness to realize that mistakes have been made. 

That said I definitely agree that people are trying to out woke each other and that just feels so hostile. I’m a biromantic ace and some of the stuff I’ve been seeing has been a little off putting for me. I am still 100% not over that person who accused me of being a transphobe over a mistake. I’m not over it because that’s when I started losing my will to write. And people who know me know that that’s an extremely bad sign. Like that shit has put me in a very bad place. I use fics and fandom to cope as well as concerts and I have none of those things right now so I’m kind of just not doing good. This ties into the fandom thing because overall this cancel culture is very dangerous. If someone makes a steep accusation like that it can really hurt a person not just online but offline too. “ I'm honestly terrified I'm going to post or say something that someone is going to latch onto as the new big bad thing to get everyone to rally against.” Is exactly what I’m trying to say with the above and I feel like a lot of people are thinking the same thing but they are too afraid to even speak up about feeling this way. That in itself is a problem. If you’re afraid to even talk about what you’re afraid of/concerned about. 

And it never used to be like this. I remember when I could go into a fandom space and just nerd out. There wasn’t an agenda. Politics wasn’t always the discussion. It came up every now and again but it wasn’t overwhelming. These days I think that people can over-analyze things too much. Politics and analysis in fandom is (like anything else) fine in moderation. But if you do it too much it gets to a point where you can’t even enjoy the thing you like anymore. 

I also remember when teens were the ones writing the ‘lemons’ and they would try to sneak around the adults to do it. That’s where I think I get whiplash. My gen of fans had secret stashes of lewd art and fics when they were teens. The new gen doesn’t like that stuff. I’m not saying that they’re wrong, if they don’t like that stuff, that’s just fine. The problem is when they start to demonize people who disagree and do enjoy the lewd and dark stuff. 

Tbh I’m kind of worried about that gen because it really does seem unhealthy to me as well. I hope that, that doesn’t sound patronizing. But I do feel like this kind of purity, one mistake and you’re done mentality is dangerous and stressful. 

NGL I was shaking when I came across the transphobe post because I am aware of the mob mentality. Cancel culture, mob culture, and purity culture are all horrifying especially when combind (as they often are).

Sometimes cancel culture can be good (like how Chris Brown got cancelled for beating Rihanna). But that’s only with SOLID proof. The problem is that people like to make baseless claims and many will just follow the herd and attack the accused unquestionably and without doing research for themselves and getting the full story. I think that the only reason I sort of got away was because I caught the post 1. before they blocked me and 2. when it only had like two notes so I got the chance to explain myself. A lot of people don’t get that; they just get blocked so they can’t explain their side. And everyone just attacks them without question. And 90% there is very little to no proof. 

A lot of the times innocent people get cancelled (think Johnny Depp). I think that people have weaponized cancel culture; if they don’t like you or your opinions they will either twist your words or dig years deep into your past and find one mistake and then it’s over. And that’s horrifying to me both for old and new gen fans. 

And I do think that this is a very new gen problem because I have never seen that until the past like 3-4 years. Like I started to see it a bit in 2016 (that’s when I feel politics started entering fandom) but cancel and purity culture is relatively new. 

I hate cancel culture much more than purity culture. Purity culture I feel at least has good intent at heart. Cancel culture is often malicious and used for vengeance & bullying. It also doesn’t leave room for mistakes (which everyone makes) and growth. 

Sorry, I got a bit long there but this is a topic that I’ve been meaning to discuss and I have a lot of opinions on this.

[fukurodaze]

haikyuu!! third gym squad taking the ib diploma programme

ok... my friend and i got rlly stressed the other day and made headcanons for these guys if they were to take classes in the ib... it’s like a levels but like... a bit more death!

for my ib diploma folks you can just hop on over and read what i’ve hc’d but for my non-ib folks, lemme give you a bit of an introduction to the ib diploma programme.

characters included: bokuto koutarou, kuroo tetsurou, akaashi keiji, tsukishima kei, haiba lev, hinata shouyou

THE IB DIPLOMA PROGRAMME is a rigorous two-year pre-college program in your last two years of high school. a full programme consists of one class from each of the six required groups (totalling to 6 classes), which are G1 - first language; G2 - second language; G3 - social sciences; G4 - natural sciences; G5 - mathematics; and G6 - arts (though, arts is optional, and can be switched out with another subject from G3 or G4).

within these six courses, students are required to take at least three high-level (HL) courses and three standard level courses (SL), but some students may take four HL courses and have two SL courses (kind of a rough one tho). 

just to note: there’s two types of math courses - applications and interpretations (Math AI) and analysis and approaches (Math AA). MAA courses are known to be harder than MAI courses because students do more theory work and have non-calculator sections in exams, unlike MAI courses where calculators are required for every exam. also, it is possible for a person to take IB courses instead of the full diploma programme, but i’m not very well acquainted with that variation of the IB programme so we’re just going to assume all the boys got 6 courses.

okay. i am so sorry i just lectured you on a whole school curriculum. anyways. back to haikyuu!!

BOKUTO KOUTAROU : Japanese Language and Literature HL, Mandarin Ab Initio SL, Geography HL, SEHS (Sports, Exercise, and Health Science) HL, Math AI SL, Economics SL

ok so it’s canon that this dude is not doing very well in math but his parents made him do higher level math at first poor boy >:(

he started the year off in higher level and thought he was gonna be fine

no. he was not fine.

so he ended up switching his math hl to sl and his japanese sl to hl

IT IS CANON (special chapter in volume 19 titled “i just forgot” where bokuto has a wholeass crisis about words) that bokuto’s really one to actually really like to think about how words work and function as systems in the same way ib language courses do!!

actually having him do japanese ll hl is just an excuse for me to keep him in math sl sorry

i mean koutarou may be my fav tax evader but he really did sit through two years worth of econ classes... smh

mans is Not listening and has to rely on yukie for notes but he just memorises case studies for exams and does not do anything else

i feel like he just takes mandarin because he thought it was the easiest one... he also thinks the words sound similar so it’s easy to memorise

he’s a pretty good communicator so he practices his mandarin quite a lot. as in, he’s made friends to talk to in mandarin. we love to see it!!!

also. um. i hc that he’s pretty decent at memorisation so geography!! this goes for memorising all the kanji and mandarin characters too

i think SEHS is pretty self-explanatory. mans already known he wanna be a pro athlete might as learn about being healthy as an athlete

KUROO TESTUROU : Japanese Language and Literature SL, English B SL, Business Management HL, Chemistry HL, Math AI HL, Biology HL

now... we all know this mf been taking chemistry hl. it is CANON

and as per his career path... DEFINITELY business management hl

i feel like he’s so analytical in the way he sees things that he likes to explore many areas of knowledge where there are different ways of thinking

takes english as a second language because... whew.. aint it sexy when mans wanna be multifaceted in business

also takes higher level biology because he’d rather not with the languages... but later on i believe he ends up in a higher level language class because he might as well

i feel like kuroo’s classes just give me a vibe i know too too well... 

mans takes math ai. he does not wanna fuck around with a pencil proving a theorem he just wants the answer bro

like in volleyball, he’s a quick thinker. so he’s pretty g with math and business stuff

i literally know someone with this class combo ... it’s not very chill but it screams “you never see me do any course work but i always get at least a B+ in every subject”

AKAASHI KEIJI :  Japanese Language and Literature HL, French Ab Initio SL, Psychology HL, Chemistry SL, Math AA SL, Visual Arts HL

now... this subject combo radiates such pretty energy

pretty subjects for a pretty boy

he was originally going to do biology sl but then found out there is chemistry in biology so he just decided with chemistry. plain and simple.

we all know akaashi is both emotionally and academically intelligent

he’s logical and analytical, and when faced with a tough time he works through it well albeit going through a little bit of struggle

this automatically puts him in math aa... i just see him actually liking proving theorems??? 

but maybe he just thinks his calculator is a nuisance sometimes and would rather solve everything by hand 

also art boy! this dude likes graphic design more but when it comes to traditional art he does Not Hold Back

i like to think that he’s into painting backgrounds and mixed media

if he didn’t take VA, i’m pretty sure he would take economics. because. it’s quite systematic and i think akaashi would take a liking to it

as for japanese ll hl... we all know this dude was supposed to be a part of the literary section in a magazine/manga company but was moved to editor

goes hand-in-hand with psychology, likes to know how words convey meaning and how they affect people

he also thinks french is kind of a cool language. i feel like this guy just wants to do it because it sounds cool and novel for him

all in all, pretty solid subject combo!

TSUKISHIMA KEI : Japanese Language and Literature HL, French Ab Initio SL, History HL, Biology SL, Math AA HL, Instrumental Music HL

4 hl’s... here we are folks

honestly does it for colleges to go like “holy shit this dude is kinda crazy”

but does suffer... coursework tings :)

first of all this dude takes french (even though it’s a beginner’s class) because he just loves to sound cool huh

the summer before his courses started he would have had the basics down after looking through free ib textbooks

plus, being the guy that’s super good at a new language in the class is a huge ass flex and a big ass ego boost. and anyways, with language, he thinks it’s just a lot of simple patterns working together.

this also applies to japanese ll hl... finds writing essays and making arguments ez (at least that’s what he tells himself - he’s kinda nervous when it comes to japanese but he holds on anyway)

practices extra hard on pronunciation. sounds hot tho

math aa hl??? there we go. another crazy one. thought he could ace the class at first.... no. no he couldn’t 

thinks about moving down to sl. probably does. (at least it’s not math ai)

history and biology go hand in hand for him. he has significant interests in prehistoric times, and likes to learn about the origins of life - that’s a given

but he does get tired of the politics talk in history like... goddamn all these people making so many mistakes? just stop making them smh

and instrumental music was just something he got onto because he really would like to just have a course where he could enjoy himself while also learning about the stuff he likes

nobody knows what music he listens to... but i think he’s willing to listen to anything as long as it’s music and it has the kinds of vibes he digs

HAIBA LEV: Japanese Language and Literature SL, Mandarin Ab Initio SL, Psychology HL, Chemistry SL, Math AI HL, Theatre HL

i don’t know how to explain it but lev has such strong psych and chem energy

yes haiba lev’s classes are the ones i picked via roulette wheel

jk not really

here’s the thing though, lev takes psychology because he thinks econ, business management, history, ess, all that jazz is just... absolutely boring. like. super. mf-ing. boring.

so he’s like ooh cognitive processes!

kinda hates that he has to study research methods and research methods ONLY at first but when he gets the hang of it he really finds it one of his fav subs

i actually have no explanation for mandarin ab initio sl... he just seemed like the kind of guy who would wanna do the class solely because he thinks mandarin sounds cool with their intonations and everything

plus he heard that the teacher gives mooncakes every lunar new year ad he. loves. them.

okay now hear me out.

lev is good at math.

maybe not lightning speed analysis or calculations like akaashi, but he finds solving problems fun! except for when they’re without a calculator bc he HATES doing calculations by hand

he can get a bit clumsy with his hand calculations too so it’s nice to just have a calculator on hand

literally only does math ai for the sake of using a calculator at all times (a/n: i take this class, and this was the reason i took it too. COMPLETELY VALID)

and then does theatre for the fun of it!!! confidence levels high for presentations and performances... good fit

kinda thought that ib theatre would be his easy A but oh how he was wrong... hates the research tasks at first but he gets used to it

HINATA SHOUYOU: Japanese Language and Literature SL, Portuguese Ab Initio SL, SEHS HL, Geography HL, Math AI SL, Theatre HL

his classes are bokuto energy but with theatre and portuguese

MANGA SPOILERS! we all know he started thinking abt going to brazil in his second year of high school, and the ib diploma programme starts in the last two years of high school so it fits PERFECTLY

lowkey most of the boys take japanese ll sl because they just. have to.

this is also hinata’s case <3

SEHS HL!!! he has a vision for the future and it definitely involves him understanding health and sports and everything like that, especially after nationals in his first year :(((( still sad abt that

but he’s motivated for this higher level class because he’s really just gonna go all out with the research

math ai sl because... he prolly don’t give a fuck about numbers!!! (it hasn’t been made clear already, but math ai sl is the lowest level math course)

he also took theatre hl because even though he does get scared at first, he’s a natural when it comes to learning new cultures

he’s just so curious about it all and it makes him quite engaged in the class as well!!!!

also kinda took theatre because the other subjects were just not it for him

about geography... he hates memorisation but he also hates everything else in the social studies group so

he just gets by by trying to find the little details of the things he’s studying interesting because really... geography class is just the base of all the places on his bucket list

hinata’s def one of those dudes who picks his subs purely off of liking because we all know he’s going. any subject that isn’t based off of liking is usually a mandatory subject anyways

[pixelpoppers]

It's been four months since I posted about not really playing games anymore and I thought it was time for an update.

(First, a quick refresher on the old post: I theorized that a big part of my enjoyment of video games came from them enabling me to focus my attention in a way that I normally find difficult, so once I started taking focus-enhancing nootropics this advantage went away and video games became much less appealing compared to other activities. Instead I started spending my free time doing personal data cleanup and related tasks.)

So, what have I been doing since then? A few things. I have been continuing with minor tasks on my personal projects when I can come up with good ones. They're mostly not the sort of data curation or "gardening" tasks I talked about last time because I've run out of those (though the good thing about the debacle with Sony announcing they'd close the PS3/Vita/PSP stores (before backpedaling) is that getting my Vita and PS3 libraries in order was a great few-days-long gardening task). Instead, I've mostly been making small improvements to my various web projects. For example, yesterday I added entries for "fun pain" and "perfectible" to the game design glossary on the main Pixel Poppers site, which had been low priority on my to-do list for quite a while. Maybe next I'll update the site's mobile layout to put the navigation stuff in a hamburger menu instead of at the bottom.

This stuff requires more thought than the gardening tasks, so it's less relaxing, and I'm having to figure out new ways to relax. Video games have slotted back into my life as one of several ways to relax but I still approach them very differently from before. I no longer look for "go places and do things" games or seek to feel like I am occupying a world. I want the experience to feel contained and not take up space in my brain when I'm not playing it. I want it to be something I can easily pick up for a bit and have it not matter whether I ever come back to it. I've found that what works best is low-context arcade-style experiences (racers, puzzlers, twin-stick shooters, rhythm games, etc.) or story games that can be completed in a single sitting (short visual novels or walking simulators like What Remains of Edith Finch or Wide Ocean Big Jacket). Games that are based on larger-scale progression, exploration, or worldbuilding (RPGs, 3D platformers, probably open world games - which used to be some of my favorites) don't do much for me anymore and I've bounced off a few of them in the past couple months.

So it's still the case that games are occupying less of my mental real estate than before and I have less to say about them. I might still decide to post more stuff here - I have an idea file with about fifty seeds for potential posts, though I don't know how many of them are actually worth developing (does anyone care about the weird variety of ways Senran Kagura has handled DLC over the years, for example).

But the truth is... I haven't gotten what I've wanted out of Pixel Poppers for years. This could be a much longer essay, and it's one I've tried to write a few times, but in short: Back in Pixel Poppers's "golden age" when I first started posting regularly in 2009-2010, I got a lot of comments and discussion on my posts and I felt like I was actually part of a great community. I mostly stopped posting in order to focus on my job and by the time I came back in 2018, the internet was a very different place. I got a couple of comments here and there (more on Tumblr than anywhere else) but I mostly felt like I was talking into a void, which was terrible for my motivation to work hard on quality articles. My impression is that the game analysis community has almost all moved to YouTube and if I want to be part of it again I have to switch to making videos and chasing YouTube's mysterious and fickle algorithm and I just don't. want. that.

Please understand: This is not a dig on my audience or intended to make anyone feel guilty. You don't owe me comments or anything else. If you're reading this at all, I am grateful and I love you! This is just about me facing the reality of what I'm looking for and what I'd need to do to get it in the current landscape. And admitting that the advantage that I thought Pixel Poppers had over other projects - an established audience - is actually much smaller than I was considering it to be.

So I'm also thinking about switching gears to a different writing project, one focused more on things that are at the front of my mind these days. Possibly just a general thoughts blog (which, admittedly, would sometimes be about video games). Possibly a blog about what I do for a living. Possibly making more small games (I'm pretty happy with how Detectivania turned out, after all). Or possibly reviewing all 800+ episodes and films in the Star Trek franchise. Maybe more than one of these things, bouncing around with an irregular schedule, and even slotting in occasional Pixel Poppers posts along the way. And I have to decide how connected I want these things to be - part of me wants people who enjoy some of my projects to easily be able to find the rest, but I also like that right now I can have my identity cleanly compartmentalized and only attach my real name to some things (and thus it's harder for someone who dislikes my take on Dark Souls to doxx me and dig up my bad/outdated takes on other more widely-impactful things to fuel a harassment campaign or whatever).

That's where things stand today. I'm not dead. I'm still gaming a little. I may make small posts here every once in a while but I don't expect to invest a lot of time or effort into it in the near- to mid-term future. And I may or may not announce other projects publicly here. If you have feelings or questions about any of this, feel free to shoot me a DM or an email or whatever.

Thanks for reading.

[casebasket]

The Mystrade Treatise

I am long, long out of the Sherlock fandom, but I still have a soft spot for mystrade after ~ 7 odd years (the only thing I really cared about in the show), so when a friend asked about mystrade I hit them with a spontaneous 2000 word block of text. I thought I’d share it as an homage to the still quietly existing community of mystrade shippers out there. Basically, in this essay I will argue for my interpretation of how the BBC TV show Sherlock (2012) establishes an implied relationship between Mycroft, (The Government) and Lestrade (The Force) in the subtext. This analysis will be broken down to two parts: 1) show chronology / their history and 2) their compatibility, which can be further split into 2a) personalities and 2b) external circumstances. 

(The beginning is the only formal(ish) part of - I’m calling it a treatise -, the rest of the piece is written in “I typed it all in messenger app” style. This all came out off the top of my head, so if you think I’m missing something I’m open to the callout)

TL;DR: I’m still mystrade trash and I’m pulling the receipts on mystrade canon

1) Their history - it's clear they know each other and are in communication with each other since the very beginning - and very likely even before - the events of the show. Just a show tidbit, the ending of the pilot episode has Lestrade watch John and Sherlock walk away happily staring into each other's eyes and tell Donovan about their potential as partners, whereas the actual first episode replaces him with Mycroft talking to his assistant Anthea, which shows their character parallels. In one aspect, their role as "aggravated older guardian" is a shared one and one that - rationally, but in fanon - allows them to commiserate with other another. Also, Mycroft kidnaps John in his very first day of him meeting Sherlock, so reasonable to conclude he did the same to Lestrade, so they've clearly met. And, I believe it's canon that Lestrade helped Sherlock with his drug problem, so he's clearly run into Mycroft, whether it's because his brother's OD'd or found with possession or whatever whatever. The possibilities are endless.

We have hints of them knowing each other throughout the show - in season 2 episode 2 the Hound of Baskerville (I am surprised and appalled I know this off by heart instead of more important things), the duo meets Lestrade in a tavern where he's clearly back from holiday and when Sherlock eggs him by basically calling him Mycroft's lackey, he, aggrieved, says "I don't just do what your brother tells me", which is a line I still unfortunately remember over 5 years later, and that is the first precedent set in canon that they clearly communicate. We can interpret this line, given the circumstances, that Mycroft asked him to cut his vacation short to go check up on his brother, and Lestrade, being whipped, was like fine.

This is mere speculation, but in that mini episode, Many Happy Returns, Lestrade is listening to Anderson go on about his conspiracy theories on how Sherlock is still alive, and at the end of it he passes a newspaper article about Sherlock, and he smiles at it like he KNOWS he's still alive somewhere even though he just walked out calling Anderson on his bullshit and dismissing his theories, and I like to interpret that as Mycroft told him Sherlock's still alive. Plus, when Sherlock greets him after his two year absence, the way Lestrade reacts is less “am I seeing a ghost because you’re supposed to be dead” and more “you’re finally back I already know you were alive because my boyfriend Mycroft told me”. 

The first time we see them in frame together (in the mystrade community this is famously known as the 29 frames moment because they only showed up for - 29 frames, like 2 seconds) was in season 3 episode 3, where Sherlock goes missing and everyone looks for him in the hidey holes they know of. Lestrade is seen in Mycroft's office while Mycroft tells him about potential hiding spots. Honestly he did look hella dismissive and rude but you know what? Everyone was stressed. But this shows not only is Lestrade trusted in his secret government offices - and likely this was the secret one because it looked like a cellar - but he trusts Lestrade implicitly. When Sherlock is about to leave on a plane, Lestrade's in a pub watching the TV screen when Moriarty's face is all over it and the very next scene we see Mycroft on the phone with someone getting the news that this was happening. Coincidence? I think NOT - Lestrade called up Mycroft and told him, CANON.

And then there's the Christmas special or whatever it was, about the abominable bride, and yes, this one is set in Sherlock's drug fevered mind, but that only means that, in Sherlock's mind, he sees the two of them as a set (Sherlock ships it confirmed lol). During the whole episode when we see the canon versions of Mycroft and Lestrade they are together as a unit. When John leaves him, Sherlock's mind goes to the most reliable thing in his life to help him, which is his brother (and his brother's boyfriend) and his friend Lestrade to help him, together. Sherlock asks the two of them to help him dig up a body and they share a Look, which is clearly Mycroft's way of asking Lestrade to do the dirty work of actually digging and Lestrade resignedly concedes because there is no other way to analyse the Look, and in the next scene we see Sherlock and Lestrade digging in a grave while Mycroft holds up a lantern because Mycroft doesn't like legwork and Lestrade, clearly his boyfriend in Sherlock's mind, understands this and is willing to accommodate.

And then we have the whole of S4, or as I like to call it, Johnlock hell but mystrade victories!, because in s4e1 when Mary is shot in the aquarium, the first person they look at is each other, indicating they take some level of comfort or seek it out from one another in a room full of other people, also the two of them arrived together so they clearly coordinated, also when the gun was lifted Mycroft looks shocked and steps back a bit while Lestrade moves forward in a “ready to step in” protective gesture, and this all happened in the same frame, and there are gifsets of this happening, and everyone was quietly screaming (Johnlockers in pain, mystrade shippers in "look at them sharing a frame together look at these scraps we're getting"). In the second ep we don't see them together but we do see Mycroft getting hit on by Lady Smallwood and he looks hella uncomfortable about it, while Lestrade is talking with another detective and Sherlock shoots him down telling him she's not the one (because clearly we all know who is the one and Sherlock knows it's his brother).

Oh yeah also jumping back to S3, Mycroft is saying no one can match him and he sees everyone as goldfish but Sherlock is like oh really and was lowkey concerned about him and that's how the mystrade fandom got this whole goldfish thing and it's adorable (special shout out to duchessclovery ‘s masterful fanvid romcom series A Fish Called Greg), and in the wedding ep Sherlock calls Mycroft to attend the wedding but he refuses, and Sherlock says "specter in the feast" to entice him and I like to interpret that as him lowkey jabbing him with a *in*spector in the feast because Lestrade was there looking tired and lonely throughout the whole ep lmaaaaaaaaaaaaao.

Anyway back to S4E2, Mycroft is getting hit on, Lestrade is the most tired we've ever seen him, Sherlock is trying to waive off Lestrade's suitors to save him for his brother. Why is Lestrade so tired? Yes, he's questioning a suspect or something, but also! maybe it's related to his love interest getting hit on, who knows???? And lastly, the last ep of S4, the golden era of mystrade, at the very end of the episode after we've seen Mycroft at his most vulnerable, Sherlock asks Lestrade to "take care of him (Mycroft). he's not as strong as he seems". This was an explicit request by Sherlock, addressing Lestrade correctly for the first time, to take care of his brother, and Lestrade says yes. Of course I will. S4 ended with the promise of the him taking care of Mycroft and honestly I don't care about the entire episode except that part

 2)    A: their personalities: so, Mycroft, as his colleagues know him, is ~ the ice man ~. He's hard to know, even harder and more stubborn and isolated than his brother, and on top of that he's like, contractually obligated under his top secret government job to not be known. That makes him, and this is canon as Sherlock discussed his loneliness with him in S3, even more lonely than his brother, and probably, as much as he likes to think himself more accommodating than his brother and he can definitely pretend for the sake of appearances, more difficult to deal with than Sherlock if he really sets his mind to it. But he's not a complete block of ice - after all, ice can melt - and he has soft spots for his family, esp. his unruly little brother, and by extension (maybe more necessity than real care, but still) the people his brother affiliates with. Because Sherlock is so tricky to deal with, I believe he has a soft spot for people who share that softness for his spiky sibling, and no one cares for Sherlock as he does except for Mrs Hudson, John, and Lestrade. Lestrade's done it for even longer than John, and in the show plays a somewhat paternal figure to Sherlock despite him causing him even more stress sometimes than solving cases for him would relieve. Lestrade is shown to drop everything to help Sherlock when he needs it, and is considered one of his best friends when Moriarty put a sniper on each of Sherlock's closest acquaintances (Lestrade was a target). Lestrade always saw the good in Sherlock despite everything, and believed he could be great. Very few sees the same potential, or shows that level of kindness for - lets be honest here - someone we would want to kick in real life. Lestrade's kindness and patience, enough to deal with Sherlock, surely can be extended to involve Mycroft, as Mycroft's protectiveness extends somewhat to Sherlock's friends.

And this is not a one way street of just Lestrade being kind and accepting. The people Sherlock surrounds himself with appear dull, and have "normal" lives, but secretly either have a florid past (Mrs Hudson) (and her present with the race car and her quick thinking when the flat gets ransacked) and/or crave adventure and danger and intrigue (John) (Molly). Lestrade is the probably the same. He seems aggravated by Sherlock but still like him a whole lot and truly care for him, and you don't go into policing if not for some kind of excitement. He has a failed marriage with his wife who boringly cheated on him with a PE teacher, like how predictable and cliche, and they broke up. Lestrade is loyal, and he wants to fix things, but in the end it doesn't work out. The show doesn't really tell us why, but given what we know of his work and his habits, he probably spends way too much time on the job and in part, neglected his home life. That isn't to say the cheating his wife did can be condoned, nor was it justified, but it does tell us that Lestrade is a workaholic who craves excitement and adventure which explains his attachment to Sherlock. Who else can match that with him in a relationship? Another workaholic who surrounds himself in government intrigue and MI6 bullshit cloak and daggers who also share a soft spot for the most annoying detective consultant, of course!!! For all we know from the show, Mycroft is Lestrade's one constant relationship outside of work. Their common interest is keeping their shared loved ones safe. Beyond that, even though Mycroft feels bored by everyone because "no one is as smart as i, hohoho", Sherlock used to be the same but he found John. We see Lestrade able to hold his own against Sherlock sometimes too, and he is a detective inspector, so as much as Sherlock likes to call him dumb we know that Lestrade's actually pretty smart. If he can hold up his own against Sherlock, he can hold up his own against Mycroft. Mycroft needs someone with the patience to go through all his bullshit, and Lestrade needs someone smart and interesting and protective, because as a protector himself sometimes you forget you need someone to protect you in turn. And that is basically their whole thing - two fierce guardians, trying to protect the world, finding they also need protection, and finding it in each other (end of season 4). Also there's this scene where Lestrade is sitting by his desk with his feet propped up while he eats a donut and says "not my division" which looks exactly like this scene where Mycroft is sitting by his desk with his feet propped up looking smug, or as the mystrade shippers like to call it, "boyfriends picking up each other's behaviours". Essentially, the johnlock relationship sort of parallels the mystrade relationship in that we have a smartass, spiky, secretly vulnerable one paired with a badass, patient, relatively more sunny one. But more mature. And also preferable. The two of them share some kind of relationship that has reached the point of nonverbal understanding, as we can see in their quiet glances towards each other during the few times we see them on screen together, that requires a level of trust and time. 

2)     B: compatibility in external circumstances - this is a short one, it's mostly that they're both workaholics who needs someone to understand their unpredictable work schedules, and also how minimal their social life can get being a) married to work and b) work can be classified and you can't tell anyone about your case files / government coverups. No one could understand the need for secrecy and getting up in the middle of the night for a case/subterfuge than Mycroft and Lestrade, as their career roles work in tangent with each other. And they share (1) chaotic child between the two of them, so they just. get it when one receives a call telling them to fish this loud annoying bitey man child out of the Thames. Their jobs get in the way of establishing close relationships, so who better to relate to than another who live the same kind of life and can understand?

[utilitycaster]

i know you've mentioned this somewhere before but what classes/subclasses would you like to see the cr crew playing in the future?

I haven’t actually, other than that it’s really hard to figure out classes for Marisha and Taliesin because they’re both I would say the most versatile and interested in pushing things to the absolute limit.

Things I took into consideration here:

Player preferences. People are allowed to have preferences for certain classes or mechanics and I want to honor that.

Party management; I don’t think they reveal classes to each other unless they share a session zero and/or are married to each other but I do think Matt takes the class balance into consideration.

Laura: Wild Magic Sorcerer. I am sure about very few things, but this is one. I think Laura in particular would do a great job with a class that would allow her to be a battle caster and I would argue is one of the harder ones to RP long-term and make sympathetic - Ally Beardsley and Bryn Monroe have both managed this, Matt obviously ran a great recurring NPC in Gilmore, and Calianna is a delight but also a short term character. Like, you’re charming and you wake up with effortless magic powers - how do you make this person interesting and complex? Anyway Laura would knock that out of the part. I also want to see her lean into the chaos but also have a little less control over it than she does as Jester.

Liam: Cleric; any subclass but I am particularly intrigued by either being a cleric of Erathis (GIVE ME THE ERATHIS LORE I DON’T KNOW WHY I WANT THIS BUT I DO) or the forge subclass (dwarven cleric of Moradin? also an opportunity for many dwarven forge jokes). Liam tends towards clerics and fighters in his one-shot characters and I would love to see him explore the cleric class in more depth.

Travis and Ashley are difficult because I want to see them both play bards, but for different reasons and also two bards seems like a lot (it’s kind of great in Fantasy High Live and I know that’s the premise of Sirens of the Realm but: it is a lot). So I’m giving you my bard option and back up for both:

Travis really likes melee and I don’t want to take that from him, but I’d love to see him play a more traditional casting class, and he’s got a musical background and can clearly do a great job with high charisma characters, so College of Swords or Valor seems like an obvious win. For a backup - Matt has drastically rewritten the Blood Hunter. Travis seems to really want to be a fucking werewolf. Song of the Lorelei was amazing but too short and pre-revamp of Blood Hunter so let him have another crack at the class.

Ashley mentioned she’s interested in the bard class and is very musical. I should note that I do not want to see Yasha as a bard multiclass, even if it were more feasible, and I love bards, but I think people can get hung up on musical instrument = bard when that’s explicitly not the case! You can just love music without tapping into the music of creation and I love seeing characters who have hobbies that aren’t their primary thing and that don’t do anything mechanically, because it makes them seem more real! You don’t need to turn all your passions into spell slots, or whatever. That said, campaign 3, absolutely. Any subclass; I think lore is classic for a reason but glamour would be a lot of fun to see too. For backup I think a rogue would be cool, perhaps either the inquisitive or mastermind - one of the ones who does a lot of work through talking and investigation and analysis.

Sam: I want to see Sam have little or no magic (he has always played a character with some arcane abilities but I don’t think he’s terribly invested in having arcane abilities; I think it just shook out that way) and be a tank. Battlemaster Fighter would be interesting and my first choice since we’ve only had a fairly nontraditional fighter build in Percy, plus Sam can be pretty strategic and I’d love to have that show up as part of his character.

Marisha: my main thing here is that I want her to play a character with no fucking wisdom. I mean Beau makes a decent number of poor decisions but just: Marisha make wisdom your dump stat. It’s hard to find something just because she’s so versatile and Keyleth could kind of play every core role (tank/melee, ranged/caster, support). I kind of want to see her play a paladin actually, if only because we haven’t seen Marisha play a high-charisma character beyond her brief foray into bard as Hazel nor have we seen her use a sword much nor have we seen her play a character who’s super invested in the gods or faith - Keyleth was explicitly “they exist but nature is better”, and Beau is technically in service to Ioun but doesn’t like, visit temples or pray regularly. Also, while I think a journey into a paladin role a la Vax and Fjord makes a lot of sense I kind of want to see what Marisha would do with someone who was a paladin from the start, since I love how she approaches characterization and backstory. As for subclass; either devotion or ancients, depending on a few potential future things that I’m not going to say for fear of tempting fate.

Taliesin: I think we all want to see a horizon walker ranger at some point, because it’s just such a cool and weird class, and I think it’s worth giving Taliesin a class often seen as underpowered to see what he does with it, since he is probably the best at min-maxing (in that he does it at all, and also that he does it in fascinating ways. Caduceus is a very strategically built character, and also an amazing character who does not come off as strategically built until you dig into it, vs. some min-maxed characters who are very clearly an unstoppable but boring force). Also, I think he will really lean into the planar weirdness in a cool way, and also I can’t get enough of Taliesin playing a weirdo who lives in the woods, or a ranged fighter, so why not combine them and add some super weird magic?

Also I should note: for balance reasons I have not included any warlock or wizard classes here since I’m already including both a bard and a sorcerer. That said, I love the arcane casters a whole lot, and I would be thrilled if anyone played a warlock or wizard again next campaign.

[tabletoptrinketsbyjj]

Running the Numbers: On Balancing Homebrew Masterwork Weapon Bonuses

Hey folks,

My name is JJ and since March 2017 I’ve been working on this blog of D&D related homebrew content for your looting needs. I’ve gotten lots of positive feedback from people and I’m very appreciative of everyone who has written to me or shared the tables on their own blogs or with friends and gaming groups. I want to take a moment to thank everyone who has taken the time and energy to read through my tables, I know people lead busy lives and homebrew content is everywhere online. What I would like to talk about right now is balance for this blog’s homebrew material and how I decide what to include or not include in the tables and how that might help a DM justify using homebrew my homebrew material in their campaign without breaking the game or providing a wild power imbalance between their players.

To start off, I’d like to say that I have a decent background in RPG games in a variety of different systems with most of my time playing, Pathfinder, D&D 3.5 and 5th Edition. For balance purposes for this blog I have tried to be system neutral, talking about skills, benefits and mechanics in general terms so that the trinkets (Especially magic objects) can be easily worked into D&D, Exalted or Numenera alike. For general bonuses and negatives I have taken language from 5th edition D&D, namely the Advantage/Disadvantage system because I find it simple and straightforward. Since I primarily play D&D 5e now I gear a lot of the wording of objects towards it and d20 systems in general. Although this article can be used to talk about balance in a number of different systems, any specifics are usually aimed at D&D 5e.

While I'd like to talk about all of the different types of trinkets I have on my blog, this post will focus exclusively on Masterwork Weapons. While this concept was standard in D&D 3.5 and Pathfinder (And similar ideas can be found in other systems), it does not exist in 5e, which I find disappointing because I like the idea of an exceptionally crafted weapon that is mechanically better than average but weaker than a +1 weapon. To talk about masterwork weapons we should also talk about magic weapons so we have a clear comparison. Magical “+1 weapons” are a staple in D&D and are an easily benchmark for what a “standard” magic weapon looks like. A +1 weapon has four different bonuses that set it above a typical weapon, It grants a +1 on accuracy rolls to hit, a +1 on damage rolls, it counts as magical for bypassing the resistances of enemies and it is much harder to break or damage. When the concept was used in 3.5 and Pathfinder, a masterwork weapon gave a +1 on accuracy rolls to hit. In my interpretation, this means that the value of a masterwork weapon was about ¼ of a +1 weapon and I have tried to keep that in mind while writing. It is no accident that the first four masterwork bonuses are each different aspect of a +1 weapon. While researching what other people have done for their version of a homebrew masterwork weapon in 5e, the common theme I've found seems to be a +1 on damage rolls. Due to the bonded accuracy in 5e, a +1 on accuracy would be to strong and we’ll talk more about this later. A +1 to damage rolls for a price of 100gp (Which is the same price as getting a weapon silver plated) seems like a fair enough trade, especially if masterwork weapons are rare and can only be purchased in large cities or commissioned from master weapon crafters, requiring a side quest or roleplay scene. In short, I found a general consensus that a masterwork quality that grants a +1 on damage rolls is balance and therefore it will serve as the benchmark against which all the other masterwork bonuses are compared against.

Keeping “+1 to damage rolls” in mind as a benchmark for how strong I wanted a masterwork bonus to be, I created and cannibalized more than a dozen options for DM’s to use for introducing masterworks into their own campaigns. I will be going point by point crunching numbers to show how each bonus lines up with one another. For those that want to do your own math, feel free to use https://anydice.com/ or http://rumkin.com/reference/dnd/diestats.php to double check the work. I will be using 1d8 as an example for most damage rolls to make it a little more standard. For context going forward, a d8 has a minimum damage of 1, a maximum damage of 8 and an average damage of 4.5. Please note that with one or two exceptions these benefits only affect the default weapon damage dice themselves, not additional dice such as sneak attack, divine smite or spell effects.

I will be going through one at a time through each Masterwork Bonus I currently have written up and talking about them and showing you how their specific benefit effects damage rolls so you as a DM have a better idea on how strong it actually is. To save space I have cut out the fluff descriptions of the Masterwork Bonuses but they can be read here if you’re interested.

Keep reading for a point by point analysis of the Masterwork Bonuses.

This paragraph outlines the Advantage / Disadvantage system from D&D 5e, because some of the bonuses use it. If you're already familiar go ahead and skip this. When a character is given help from a tool, other character, magic effect, etc. they gain Advantage on the dice roll made to accomplish the task. This means that they roll 2d20’s and pick the higher result to determine the outcome, thereby increasing the overall dice roll, slashing the chances of critical failing and boosting the opportunity to critically succeed. Disadvantage is the opposite, the player rolls twice and has to use the lower result increasing the odds of failing. The real great parts about this system is if a character has advantage and disadvantage, they cancel out and only one roll is made so you cannot get “super advantage”. If the character is gaining advantage or disadvantage from multiple sources he still only rolls twice and picks the higher result. This makes circumstantial bonuses very simple to apply on the spot and prevents players from having to calculate a +1 or +2 from half a dozen different sources at a time. Personally I like it because it’s quick and simple allowing everyone to roll fast and move on, in a game where play time is often hard to schedule. Plus, bonuses and deficits just cause the player to roll more dice in a game where players typically love any excuse to roll dice.

1, Precise: Grants a +1 on attack rolls to hit targets

In many systems a bonus to accuracy rolls can deal more damage than a boost to the actual damage rolls. Logically, more accurate attacks hit more often and all damage resulting from a hit that was only successful because of the +1 accuracy bonus can be considered extra damage. In D&D 5e this would bonus would probably be considered the most powerful due to bonded accuracy (Which you can read more about here) and would probably end up doing more damage than the +1 benchmark, especially if the wielder had class features such as sneak attack that further increased damage on hit.

2, Balanced: Grants a +1 to all damage rolls.

The simplest and most reliable damage dealing bonus. A flat +1 damage increases the minimum, maximum and average amount of damage that can be dealt by the attack by 1, making it a nice choice to quietly provide a small benefit for the player that can be added to the damage roll’s math and otherwise forgotten about. For damage bonuses, an average damage increase of +1 is what we are looking for in terms of power and serves as our benchmark.

3, Spellbound: The weapon is considered magical for the purposes of overcoming resistances, damage reduction and other defenses.

This provides a nice compromise to DM’s who want their players to go up against more varied enemies that might have resistances or immunities to non-magic weapons but who don’t want the players to have a full +1 weapon yet. The weapon’s bonus will only provide a benefit when dealing with a small number of enemies (Like elementals, ghosts or fiends) that have that resistance. On the resistant enemies it effectively doubles damage (Compared to a non-Spellbound weapon whose damage would be halved by the resistant monster) granting the wielder and player the time to shine in combat. Against the majority of low and mid-level enemies such as humanoids and beasts who aren’t resistant to non-magic weapons, the weapon provides no benefit at all and is just as useful as a regular weapon.

4, Impervious: The weapon is five times more durable than normal, never breaks, chips or dulls as a result of casual use and is all but impossible to break or damage as a result of combat, even when targeted by enemies who attempt sundering or weapon breaking techniques.

This allows a player to feel comfortable in the knowledge that their sword isn’t going to explode on a natural 1, leaving them unarmed and useless in combat. Furthermore it encourages players to use the sturdy weapon outside of combat for roleplaying or problem solving reasons. Perhaps a war pick is used to dig a foxhole in rocky terrain, a warhammer is used to break down a door, a quarterstaff is wedged against a door to brace it, or a sword is used in place of a crowbar to pry open a stuck chest. Other than resisting being broken in combat, this bonuses has no real offensive capacity making it a great thing to give to your players with almost zero risk that it will upset the team’s power balance or make them too strong in combat.

5, Relentless: Instead of a single damage die when the wielder successfully hits a target, the player instead rolls two dice that equal the value of the original damage die and add the results together.

This grants the player the ability to roll two dice when they would normally roll one, which will probably increase their level of happiness right there. This is a good benefit for raising the minimum damage the wielder does, and in the event of a critical allows the player to roll a multitude of small dice, further raising the minimum damage dealt. If our 1d8 example die is turned into 2d4 with this, the weapon now has a minimum damage of 2, a maximum damage of 8 and an average damage of 5. This increases the minimum by 1 which is nice but only provides an average damage bonus of +0.5 which is not much, but can allow players to feel like they are getting more from the weapon than they normally would. Since this average damage increase is less than our benchmark +1 damage this makes it a balanced addition to the masterwork bonus list.

6, Superior: The weapon’s damage dice increases by one step to the next largest die.

This is a nice and simple benefit with a clear but small increase in damage potential. If our 1d8 example die is turned into 1d10 with this, the weapon has a minimum damage of 1, a maximum damage of 10 and an average damage of 5.50. This increases the maximum by 2 which allows for slightly bigger hits and provides an average damage bonus of +1. This has a slightly higher than normal damage cap but with the drawback of no increase to the minimum damage. Overall the average damage is increased by +1, the same as our benchmark and thus of comparable balance.

7, Cruel: Whenever the player roll a 1 on a die to calculate the weapon’s damage, they can reroll the die until they receive a result that is not a 1.

Like the flat +1 damage, this bonus was also very common on homebrew sites discussing how to implement a masterwork mechanic. Raising the minimum damage the player can deal on hit is a good things for them, since nobody wants to roll a 1. Applying this to our 1d8 example gives it a minimum damage of 2, a maximum damage of 8 and an average damage of 5. This increases the minimum by 1 which is nice but only provides an average damage bonus of +0.5 which is not much, but can provide the player a great sense of relief and excitement when they do roll a 1 and can reroll it into a much higher number. Since the average damage increase of +0.5 (Which is the same regardless of the size of the die) is less than our benchmark +1 damage this makes it a balanced addition to the masterwork bonus list.

8, Defensive: The weapon grants +1 to the wielder’s armor class / defense value / dodge rating or other system mechanic that decreases the chances of being hit with an attack.

Similar to Precise, making homebrew changes to the accuracy and armor class system can be risky for the mechanical balance of the game. In D&D 5e, a +1 to armor class is a big deal and hard to come by and the potential damage prevented by virtue of being harder to hit can add up. This kind of bonus is meant to evoke the idea or a parrying dagger, sword breaker or boar spear, deflecting attacks and keeping enemies at bay by nature of their design.  Although it doesn’t directly compare to our benchmark +1 damage, a Defensive weapon can be a Godsend to a squishy melee striker like a rogue or bard who would definitely appreciate the increased armor class.  

9, Vicious: Whenever the player roll a 1 or a 2 on a die to calculate the weapon’s damage, they can reroll the die and must use the new roll, even if the new roll is a 1 or a 2.

D&D 5e players should be familiar with this bonus because it is taken straight from the Great Weapon Fighting style. Due to this, lots of other people have done the math in detail and you can follow this link for nice graphs about the statistics. In short, this bonus on our 1d8 example keeps the minimum damage at 1, a maximum damage of 8 and an average damage of 5.25. That is only an average damage increase of +0.75 which is lower than our benchmark value of +1. It is important to note that the damage changes based size and number of dice and that if the weapon dealt 2d6 damage (Which has an average of 7) was affected by this, the average damage would be 8.33. An improvement of +1.33, which is slightly higher than our +1 benchmark.

10, Brutal: Whenever the player rolls the maximum result on a weapon damage die (I.e. a 6 on a six-sided die.), they can roll that die an additional time and add both results to the total damage dealt. This ability can trigger multiple times per turn but only once per attack.

This is one of the swingy bonuses that either provides either a lot of extra damage or none at all. Based on the concept of “exploding dice” from Shadowrun and some White Wolf systems, if you roll the maximum result, you’ll be rewarded with another die to add to the damage total. I like the idea of having a slim chance to do extra damage since it’s like a mini critical hit. On our example d8 there is a 12.5% chance (One in eight) to trigger the Brutal effect, which adds an average of +4.5 damage (Another d8) to the damage roll. This means that a triggering hit deals a minimum of 2 damage, a maximum of 16 and an average of 9 damage. Although this seems like a lot, remember that the effect only happens on 1 in 8 attacks, so if we take the 4.5 extra damage and average that across of 8 attacks it’s only an average of +0.56 damage per hit. This trend holds steady for different die sizes as larger dice deal more damage but less often and vice versa for smaller dice. A d12 grants an average of +0.54 damage per hit while a d4 grants +0.63. It is important to note that this math is conducted in a vacuum and wielders with the power to reroll damage dice (Especially 1’s and 2’s) can make this bonus more lethal. Though even if on a d8, if the wielder was capable of rerolled all 1’s and 2’s, it would still be 4.5 extra damage once every 6 attacks which is an average increase of +0.75. Since the average increased damage bonus will always be less than our +1 benchmark, I feel like this is a reasonably balanced effect. This can be more fun than a flat +1 to damage because it trades the dependable and boring damage would be represented by a 1d8+1, into an unreliable and therefore exciting 1d8+?, with the possibility on every damage roll of getting an 8 and having your damage explode into high numbers.

11, Mighty: Whenever the wielder scores a critical hit with the weapon, the player can roll one of the weapon’s damage dice one additional time and add the result to the damage dealt by the critical hit. This is in addition to the standard bonus damage of a critical hit.

Drawing on weapons mechanics from D&D 3.5 and Pathfinder this is essentially the idea of an “increased critical multiplier”, which allowed weapons to deal more damage on a critical hit. In terms of damage output on hit, this is similar to Brutal but provides even less average damage per hit because critical hits are rare. In a d20 system where you only critically hit on a 20, you have a 1 in 20 (5%) chance to critical hit on every attack. If you use the example die, you turn the regular critical hit from 2d8 damage (Minimum 2, maximum 16, average 9) into 3d8, (Minimum 3, maximum 24, average 13.5) which does increase the average damage by 4.5 on a critical, but across 20 attacks it averages to +0.225 damage per hit. Comparing that to the benchmark’s +1 damage per hit, this masterwork bonus is very weak but makes up for it with spikes of high damage on critical hits.

X, Inexorable: Whenever the player rolls to determine the weapon’s damage, he may roll the weapon’s damage die twice and choose either result to use.

This bonus allows the player to effectively roll damage twice and choose the higher amount, essentially granting advantage on damage rolls. On our example d8, this bonus keeps the minimum and maximum at 1 and 8 respectively and changes the average to 5.81 damage. Although the minimum and maximum don’t change, the increased average damage by 1.31 per hit, which is slightly higher than our goal of +1. The improvement to damage is magnified by the size and number of dice. On a d12 it grans an increased 1.99 damage per hit and on 2d6 it’s a 2.34 increase. This bonus would also affect the additional damage dice from critical hits making this benefit very powerful.

Inexorable by our +1 damage benchmark is actually too strong to be a Masterwork bonus. To be honest, I added it in here originally to pad the original Masterwork list out to 12 entries so it could be rolled on a d12. Since it doesn’t belong here I have moved it over to the Minor Weapon Enchantments Table (Which was nowhere near ready at the time the Masterwork table was introduced), where it’s magical theme and stronger bonus better fits in.

12, Silvered: The weapon’s business end is covered in a durable layer of alchemically treated silver of incredible quality. Although unnaturally processed, the metal is pure and effective at dealing with undead, lycanthropes and fey creatures. The weapon’s grip also sports discrete bands of intricately worked silver which prevents the wielder’s supernatural enemies from handling the weapon and using it against him.

Silvering weapons is a staple in most RPG games that have monsters that are vulnerable to the metal. This benefit is similar to Spellbound as it really only has any benefit when used against a certain set of enemies and otherwise has no effect on a typical attack. The only change that this blog provides are the silver bands on the grip, preventing monsters from wielding it properly. If your system already has rules for silvered weapons you can just use those instead. See Spellbound for how it compares to the +1 damage benchmark.

13, Tactical: Using an action equivalent to making an attack or casting a spell, the wielder can attempt to perform one of the previously mentioned combat maneuvers. Whenever the wielder could make an attack with the weapon, he can instead perform one of the previously mentioned combat maneuvers... Furthermore, the wielder is able to take advantage of lucky blows and turn them into skillful maneuvers rather than simply powerful attacks. Whenever the wielder lands a critical hit, he can choose to cause it to be considered a normal hit instead and immediately perform one of the previously mentioned maneuvers (With advantage because of the weapon’s design) on the target.

I really like the idea of combat maneuvers, tactics and strategies in RPG’s that contain more than just mindlessly attacking the enemy. A frontliner who effective at tripping, disarming or grappling the enemy can be just as, if not more effective than a wizard specializing in battlefield control, because the fighter can do it more often. Unfortunately it can sometimes be hard to justify attempting maneuvers, as it’s often far more efficient to just focus on dealing damage, especially when both take the same type of action. This bonuses grants players an incentive to attempt maneuvers because they automatically gain advantage and gain access to a larger range of said maneuvers. Furthermore they can trade the extra damage from a critical for the chance to disarm / grapple / trip / etc. the target, which can let a player think strategically and provides some new combat options. As a roleplaying experience it can allow for better teamwork, granting a supporting bard a better chance of tripping an enemy, allowing the two handed fighter to attack the prone target at advantage as well as reducing their chance of escaping. This bonus doesn’t deal damage directly so it doesn’t compare to our benchmark +1 damage, but it does grant the wielder a few benefits and options at the cost of making a regular attack or additional critical hit damage.

14, Poisoner’s: Even a bludgeoning weapon that is normally difficult to poison effectively can benefit from the grooves, allowing it to deliver the offending material with ease. The channels are always positioned in such a way that a creature can apply a solid or liquid material (Such as but not limited to: poison, holy water, flammable oil or animal venom) in them without any risk of accidentally poisoning themselves (Even if they are not proficient with poisons) and taking no more time than usual to coat an object with poison. Furthermore, the recessed pathways protect the material from the elements, keeping it from drying or spoiling and after it’s applied, the material remains potent for an additional hour longer than normal before becoming inert. Lastly and most importantly, the virulent trenches are divided and spread out, allowing a single dose of poison to be delivered normally and effectively while still having some leftover in a separate groove. The number of strikes the weapon may make before the poison is rubbed off is increased by one. Alternatively to being spread out, the blighting substance can be confined to a single groove which will deliver its payload in a single concentrated strike which causes the victim to suffer disadvantage on the save against the material, or the PC can roll the poison’s damage twice and choose the higher result. The bearer who applies the poison chooses whether the material will be spread out over multiple strikes or if it will be concentrated into a more lethal hit (And if it applies disadvantage or increased damage) when the material is applied.  

This bonus provides a few benefits in order to allow a lower level PC better make use of expendable items like flammable oil, holy water or poison before magical weapons and stronger spells render them too inefficient to use in combat. The DM should feel free to adjust any parts of this bonus to better fit with the specific poison mechanics of their game. Personally I love the idea of poisons, oils and alchemical coatings appealing as concepts but at low levels they are often too expensive to buy and once you have the money you’re usually better off buying magic items since a large number of enemies are either resistant or immune to poison.

In D&D 5e for example, a vial of “basic poison” can coat up to three slashing or piercing weapon or up to three pieces of ammunition. Applying the poison takes and action and on hit the target must make a fairly easy save (A Con DC of 10, about a 50% chance of failure on average) or suffer as much poison damage as a dagger deals. Once applied, the poison retains its potency for 1 minute before drying. Overall pretty weak but could definitely be useful in many situations, especially ambushes rewarding players who prepare and think ahead. However this vial of three-use poison costs an exorbitant 100 gold pieces, the same value as a suit of scale mail and a greatsword combined. A PC with 100 gold at low levels might get a silvered weapon (Which is also 100 gold), get better quality armor, buy healing potions or adventuring equipment or weak magic items. The 5e Player’s Handbook list’s the cost of a hired mercenary at 2 gold pieces per day, so you could hire a bodyguard to fight for you for 50 days (Or an army of 50 for one day) for the same price as one vial of basic poison. At mid-levels, enemies will pass the save more than not, taking no damage and even if they roll poorly and fail, a dagger’s worth of damage is not a substantial drain on their hit point pool.

If we apply this masterwork quality to a warhammer (Since it uses our d8 example die) in conjunction with 5e’s basic poison we can look at the benefits. Normally you wouldn’t be able to poison the warhammer at all (It deals bludgeoning damage) but now you can and without risk of accidentally harming yourself. Rather than drying out in one minute, the poison will remain potent for 61 minutes, a fantastic improvement, allowing the player to apply it with a greatly reduced chance of it being wasted due to drying out before the next fight begins. The wielder can also choose to spread the material out among multiple grooves, turning a three use-vial into a six-use vial of poison, making it much more cost effective. Alternatively the player could choose to force the victim to suffer disadvantage on the saves to resist the poison or roll the poison damage twice and pick the more lethal result, making the poison more viable at higher levels.  

In short this masterwork bonus provides a number of small benefits and options to allow a PC to make poisons and alchemical weapon applications more fun and a viable strategy that offers the player a range of options, rather than an ineffective money sink. As this weapon does not deal damage directly it is hard to compare against the benchmark. The goal of this masterwork is to increase the damage deal by poisons and similar materials but it is weighed against the fact that the player has to expend gold or resources buying and using the poisons to actually make use of the benefits (As opposed to the benchmark “free” +1 damage on every hit) so it seems balanced to me.

15, Bypassing: A wielder who makes an attack with a weapon with this bonus ignores any and all defensive benefits that an opponent’s shield would normally provide.

This bonus attempts to reflect the real world weapons such as the flail, sica, shotel, and war pick, all designed to get around armor and shields in order to reach the tender flesh of the enemy. Although this benefit does affect accuracy rolls rather than damage, I would compare this more to the Spellbound or Silvered bonus rather than Precise. In my experience as a player, I rarely run into to humanoid enemies wielding shields and typical bestiaries and monster manuals don’t have a lot of shield using enemies. If your PC’s are mostly fighting undead, elementals, beasts and aberrations this bonuses will probably not help them. In the rare instance when they do come across a heavily armored fighter or blackguard paladin or other hard to hit foe, this bonuses will let the wielder bypass some of those defenses and let that wielder shine. Handing out this kind of weapon in a military or war campaign where it would be used regularly, would be comparable to handing out a Silvered weapon in a werewolf heavy campaign. Since it doesn’t deal damage directly I doesn’t compare to the benchmark and you can refer to the Spellbound and Silvered for how this bonus works in play.

16, Resounding: Whenever the player rolls a damage die he must roll a second confirming die of the same sort. If the second die is the same result as the first, the player is considered to have instead rolled the maximum possible result for that type of die instead of the current result.

As the fluff description mentions, getting a resounding blow that triggers the maximum damage is rare. The value of this bonuses is odd to calculate because as the maximum damage output of the die increases, the odds of actually rolling two of the same number to trigger it goes down proportionally. Over the course of 64 successful attacks with our example d8 (every variation of the damage die and confirmation roll), the effect only triggers 8 times (A 12.5% chance) and only 7 of those times actually benefit the wielder since rolling two 8’s is already the maximum amount of damage possible. Over the 64 hits, the total increase in damage resulting from the bonus is 28, an average increase of 0.44 per hit with most of the damage coming from when the player rolled low and would have done very little damage.

This table is a chart of each result of the 64 hits possible with a d8 Resounding weapon. The leftmost column is the damage roll while the top row is the confirming roll with the middle being the actual damage dealt. The bottom roll is the sum of the total damage from that column which is compared to 36, which is the sum damage total on a non-masterwork d8 over the eight possible hits.

To demonstrate on a smaller die over the course of 16 successful hits on a d4, the effect triggers 4 times (A 25% chance) and the total increase in damage resulting from the bonus is 6, an average increase of 0.38 per hit. The sum of the total damage on a non-masterwork d4 is 10 over the 4 possible hits.

On a larger die over the course of 144 successful on a d12, the effect triggers 12 times (A 12% chance) and the total increase in damage resulting from the bonus is 66, an average increase of 0.45 per hit. The sum of the total damage on a non-masterwork d12 is 78 over the 144 possible hits.

In summation, this bonus gives the occasional burst of damage at the cost of providing no benefit most of the time. It grants an average damage increase of 0.45 per hit (on a d8), which is well below our +1 benchmark in terms of balance.

17, Chargebreaker: If the wielder has not moved yet on his turn he can take up a defensive position, which causes his speed to drop to 0 until the end of his turn. While in this stance, the wielder is able to make an attack of opportunity with the readied weapon against an enemy that enters his reach. The bracing stance ends if the wielder moves, attacks or at the start of the wielder’s next turn.

Much like Tactical, this benefit rewards players who think strategically and offers them options in combat, like the ability to plant themselves and defend a key position rather than just rushing the enemy and attacking. This does potentially allow the wielder to make an additional attack per round, possibly doubling the number of attacks they can make. However these extra attacks come at the cost of all of the wielder’s movement during that turn, which can trap him in an inconvenient corner of the battlefield, not be able to move to reach allies, render him unable to retreat or not be able to place himself between the enemy and the more fragile party members. The wielder gains no additional benefit against creatures already within his reach and is potentially worse off against ranged attackers and mobile enemies, since bracing himself means that he is not closing that distance.  

18, Parrying: Using an action equivalent to an attack of opportunity (See Note) the wielder may attempt to parry an incoming melee attack, increasing his armor class or physical defensiveness as if he was properly wielding a shield. The wielder may benefit from the armor class bonus (Typically a +2) even if he is already wielding a shield. —Note: If your system doesn’t use attacks of opportunity use the following rule: Once the wielder parries an attack he is no longer able to do so until the start of his next turn.

Similar to Precise and Defensive, this is a bonus that deals with armor class and attack rolls. Unlike defensive however, this bonus consumes the wielder’s resources in the form of costing an attack of opportunity to use. A player could use this ability every time he is able to but doing so forcing him to give up on attacking fleeing enemies or striking when they are vulnerable. Furthermore, the benefit only applies to one melee attack per round so the wielder is still just as vulnerable to multiple attacks and ranged attacks. This bonus doesn’t deal damage so it doesn’t compare against the benchmark, but I feel that it provides a benefit to player’s without being overpowered due to its cost and limited use.

19, Strategic: These modifications greatly improve the wielder’s ability to resist trips, feints, grapples, pins, being disarmed, pushed, shoved and other combat maneuvers... Whenever the wielder is targeted by one of the previously mentioned combat maneuvers, he can use an action equivalent to an attack of opportunity (See Note) to grant himself advantage on the roll made to resist the maneuver. —Note: If your system doesn’t use attacks of opportunity use the following rule: Once the wielder uses the weapon to grant himself advantage on the roll made to resist a combat maneuver, he is no longer able to do so until the start of his next turn.

Much like Defensive and Parrying, this bonus deals with making the wielder more resilient when facing combat maneuvers like grappling, tripping and disarming. These tactics can be brutally effective when used against PC’s and can make enemies orders of magnitude more threatening. A monster that can attempt a grapple or trip check with every successful attack can be far more deadly than one that deals an extra 1d6 damage on each hit. Like Parrying, this bonus consumes the wielder’s resources in the form of costing an attack of opportunity to activate which helps to balance out its use. A player could use this ability every time he is able to, but doing so forces him to give up on attacking fleeing enemies or striking when they are vulnerable. This bonus doesn’t deal damage so it doesn’t compare against the benchmark, but I feel that it provides a benefit to player’s without being overpowered due to its cost of an attack of opportunity.

20, Adaptable: When the wielder attacks, he may choose to have the weapon deal either bludgeoning, slashing, piercing or nonlethal / stun damage (See Note). Otherwise the weapon keeps its usual statistics and this does not change anything about the way the weapon operates other than its damage type.

This is probably one of the weakest bonuses on this list and provides more fluff and equipment management ease than anything else similar to Impervious. A PC now only needs to haul around their masterwork weapon and be capable of dealing several type of damage rather than a golf bag of different weapons for different resistant monsters. Like Silvered or Spellbound this would only be beneficial in a small number of situations. Even then, it’s not hard or even that expensive for a fighter to carry a mundane warhammer, longspear and longsword, (Plus one or two ranged weapons) it’s just annoying to have to for purposes of overcoming resistances.

21, Twinned: Whenever the player rolls a damage die he must roll a second confirming die of the same sort. If the second die is the same result as the first, the player adds both dice to the total damage rolled.

This bonus is very similar to Resounding in the form of the confirmation roll for extra damage. Similarly to Resounding, getting a twinned strike that deals the extra damage is rare and the value of this bonuses is odd to calculate because as the maximum damage output of the die increases, the odds of actually rolling two of the same number to trigger it goes down proportionally.

Over the course of 64 successful attacks with our example d8, the effect only triggers 8 times, a 12.5% chance. Over the 64 hits, the total increase in damage resulting from the bonus is 36, an average increase of 0.56 per hit with most of the damage coming from when the player is doubling their high roll.

This table is a chart of each result of the 64 hits possible with a d8 Twinned weapon. The leftmost column is the damage roll while the top row is the confirming roll with the middle being the actual damage dealt. The bottom roll is the sum of the total damage from that column, which is compared to 36, the sum damage total on a non-masterwork d8 over the eight possible hits.  

To demonstrate on a smaller die, over the course of 16 successful, the effect triggers 4 times (A 25% chance) and the total increase in damage resulting from the bonus is 10, an average increase of 0.63 per hit. The sum of the total damage on a non-masterwork d4 is 10 over the 4 possible hits.

On a larger die, over the course of 144 successful, the effect only triggers 12 times (A 12% chance) and the total increase in damage resulting from the bonus is 78, an average increase of 0.54 per hit. The sum of the total damage on a non-masterwork d12 is 78 over the 4 possible hits. Although DM’s may have some reservations on seeing the higher scale of this chart, remember that rolling two 12’s to deal 24 damage is 1 in 144 or a 0.69% chance.  

In summation, this bonus gives the occasion burst of damage at the cost of providing no benefit most of the time, with an average damage increase of 0.56 per hit (on a d8), which is well below our +1 benchmark.

22, Quickdraw: The bearer is able to draw the weapon as a free action whenever he rolls initiative as long as he physically capable of doing so… In the first round of combat if a hostile creature comes within the wielder’s reach (Or 20 feet for a ranged weapon) he is able to make an attack of opportunity against that creature but suffers disadvantage on the attack roll. Lastly, drawing and stowing the weapon is considered a free action.

This bonuses is supposed to allow PC’s to be able to evoke the incredible training and reflexes that come from a lifetime of having to react quickly to violent ambushes. For an easy comparison of what I imagine this looking like, take a look at Star Wars or Firefly. Characters like Han Solo or Malcolm Reynolds carry their pistols in a low slung gunslinger’s holsters along their hips and are able to draw and fire within a second. This allows them to even out or even win fights before they have a chance to properly start. For a real life example look at videos of Bob Munden, a real life exhibition shooter has the title "Fastest Man with a Gun Who Ever Lived" bestowed on him by Guinness World Records. This Masterwork bonus enhances the PC’s ability draw the weapon as a natural reflex and instinctively (If not skillfully, hence the disadvantage) lash out at an enemy within reach.  If as a DM you are fond of ambushing your party, they will appreciate a weapon with this kind of bonus.

Damage wise, this bonus grants up to one additional attack at disadvantage per combat which may hit for some extra damage. Depending on the length of the fight, this may exceed the +1 benchmark or add nothing at all.

23, Unforgiving: When the player scores a critical hit with the weapon, he rolls all the dice associated with the damage as normal. After rolling but before damage is dealt to the target, the player may select any single rolled damage die of his choosing and that die will be considered to have rolled the maximum possible result for that type of die instead of the current result. —Note: This affects the weapon’s damage itself AND other sources of additional damage such as sneak attack, divine smite or spell effects.

I have seen this kind of this effect proposed as a variant critical rule for D&D, wherein anytime any PC or creature critically hits, the extra weapon damage dice are simply added in at their maximum result instead of being rolled. As it stands in D&D 5e, a player can score a critical hit and roll low on the dice resulting in a “critical hit” that deals less damage than an average hit. This makes the rare critical hits more potent by guaranteeing a high minimum damage. This bonus is all about raising the minimum damage on a critical hit, so that the wielder never rolls low and experiences a disappointing critical.

In a d20 system where you land a critical hit on a roll of a natural 20, you have a 1 in 20 (5%) chance to critical hit on every attack. If you use the d8 example die, Unforgiving turns the regular critical hit from 2d8 damage (Minimum 2, maximum 16, average 9) into 2d8[Dropping the lowest]+8, (Minimum 9, maximum 16, average 13.81) which does increase the average damage by 4.81 on a critical, but across 20 attacks it averages to +0.24 damage per hit.  Comparing that to the benchmark’s +1 damage per hit, this masterwork bonus is very weak but makes up for it with guaranteed high minimum damage on criticals, making each one a truly powerful blow.

24, Reach: Melee weapons with this bonus add 5 feet to the wielder’s reach when he attacks with it, as well as when determining his reach for opportunity attacks with it. Ammunition, ranged and thrown weapons all add 20 feet to their normal and long distance attack ranges. Melee Reach weapons are cumbersome in close quarters and the wielder suffers disadvantage on attack rolls against targets within 5 feet of himself. Ranged weapons and projectiles...cause the wielder to suffer disadvantage on attack rolls against targets within 10 feet of himself.

Again drawing from D&D 3.5 and Pathfinder here is a weapon quality with a trade off in terms of benefit and drawback. Melee players who play a more mobile, kiting style with an emphasis of never being too close to the enemy will love this bonus. When surrounded by enemies however it forces them to attack at disadvantage or to drop the Reach weapon and fight with an inferior backup weapon. PC’s specializing in ranged combat will be able to hit targets father away but when in tight quarters such as dungeons, caverns or buildings, there may not be the option of being 15 feet away from the target in order not to suffer disadvantage on the attack roll because they’re too close. Even if that is possible, it forces that ranged PC to become more separated from the melee, leaving them open to ambushes, being surrounded or cut off from the rest of the party.