#you don't have to be incapacitated to count as disabled

[airyairyaucontraire]

filled in the census this evening as a family

my mother: we have no secrets so we can all complete the forms together

me: if any of us had a secret, how would you know?

her: oh

so that’s how I told them all about my secret family with three children who live across town with their father, and I don’t really have a job, when I appear to be going to work I’m actually spending the day with them

we all put “no religion” for the religion section this time (my sister and I have retired from being Jedi) except my father who insisted on “Born-Again Hedonist”

this is the first New Zealand census to ask about gender identity and sexual orientation and when I said I wasn’t sure how to categorise myself under the latter heading Little Nephew said “FUN! you should put fun, you are a very fun person!” which was sweet of him (I explained the question wasn’t about what YOU are like yourself but what kinds of people you could fall in love with but he was bouncing off the walls in excitement about filling in forms as a family [yes really] so I’m not sure he quite took that in)

anyway I put queer

his mother put fun because he was really keen on the idea

[blazehedgehog]

If a race (within the rules) was organized between Sonic, Metal Sonic, Shadow, Silver and Surge, what do you think the final ranking would be?Although Sonic is certainly the fastest of them all, can the others increase their place in the rankings under certain conditions (like Shadow if he uses his full power, for example)?

I mean, I think Sonic is always going to win. Always always. I don't know that we've ever actually seen Sonic struggle to reach his limits on how fast he can run. He's never out of breath. Well, scratch that: we do see Sonic out of breath in the Sonic OVA, but I'll conveniently say that does not count.

Similarly, the only time it feels like we've ever seen Sonic struggle is in that one issue of Archie Sonic where Eggman finally "wins" and Sonic has a breakdown.

But even that sort of plays in to what I mean. Not that this is canonical, I guess. But I always get the idea that Sonic's a lot stronger than he lets on, he'd just rather have some fun with a situation first. Sort of like Goku in Dragon Ball and how his whole entire personality eventually revolves around treating every fight like a game of cat and mouse.

Metal and Shadow are definitely fighting it out for a close second place. They both fill a similar role in my head sometimes -- Shadow's an android and Metal is a robot. One is flesh and the other is, uh, metal. But they are both copies of Sonic.

Who wins is a toss up. It's said Shadow isn't very fast without his shoes on, which definitely means he's a lot weaker than Sonic is by default. But I'd also assume Shadow is probably closer to the real Sonic in terms of physiology. And he still does have his shoes on, presumably. I think if Metal and Shadow started fighting during the race, Shadow could probably at the very least disable Metal. Shadow has ranged attacks and can use Chaos Control to slow down or even stop time, giving him an advantage to take Metal out.

So that puts Shadow at number two. Surge definitely comes in fourth, unless Shadow completely incapacitates Metal, in which case she picks up third. She's pretty fast, but sort of like Shadow's shoes, she seems to rely on an outside energy source, and hers seems to deplete much faster than the others. She'd probably burn out long before the finish line.

Silver brings up the rear because Silver isn't fast. Compared to most average people he's definitely not slow, but this is not a competition he can compete in very well. Silver is very much the coughing baby against four hydrogen bombs here when it comes to movement speed.

[house-of-mirrors]

Winter is always a challenging time for physical and mental illness. I was looking through Christmas cards we got in the mail and found myself feeling envious of others my age who already have a job, house, and/or stable relationship, who are able to drive and travel wherever and whenever they want, who don't have to worry about a sudden flare up being the one to land you in the ER, who live a life without pain or anxiety. I checked in with myself and had to write this letter to myself.

I may not feel great most of the time, I may spend a lot of time in bed, I may not be able to do things that most people are able to, that I used to be able to. I get frustrated feeling like I'm losing so much time of my life to my disability, but the fact that is my conditions are high-alert level severe and it's miraculous they aren't causing worse issues or total incapacitation. My body is pulling off no small feat keeping me able to work and play at all and I should be kinder to it. I shouldn't compare my accomplishments to what others are able to do because the fact is that I'm doing it all with more diseases than I can count on one hand, running the race with weights chained to my ankles yet still in a competitive position, and that makes me far stronger than I give myself credit for.

Nothing lasts forever. Everything has a beginning and end, even suffering. I'm incredibly fortunate to have such a good team of doctors and therapists (and good health insurance). Soon, I'll be getting testing which, with hope, will lead to new treatments. I will endure. If I could get through the past 22 years, I can get through this one.

"Spring will come again"

[transporttoanotherplace]

I just finished Husband Material by Alexis Hall and the ending has me in deep thought about marriage. A lot of the discussion centered around the emotional health of marriage but I was actually surprised that there was no mention of the economic health. And now I want to know if it's because I am from the USA (the book is set in London).

Is marriage not as powerful as an institution in other nations as it is in the USA? I know in some it is even more powerful and in my view in a negative way as marriage is used as power over women (Yeah, I know that's how it started out in most nations too. Not here to argue that). I am talking marriage here where two consenting adults go into it deciding they want to be with each other til death do them part.

Here are some benefits in the states for married couples:

Insurance-I could be added to my spouse's health insurance for an extra cost if I didn't have it or no cost (depends on how great your company is). This one I am sure is very US-centric as many other nations have universal healthcare. Anyway, you can imagine why this would be such a big bonus in our eyes.

Tax benefits- If my spouse were to die all estate, property, and assets given to me are tax-free. Joint filing is really helpful when there's a large income disparity (for example when I was in school and my spouse was working full time).

Benefits in general-Disability, social security income (income we receive after age 62 that we've paid over time while working), Veteran's benefits, Medicare (health insurance for the elderly). Basically, any money given to my spouse for a benefit they qualify for I could tap into.

Family leave- Don't get me wrong, I don't know of many companies that would deny you taking leave or calling out sick for a friend or boyfriend/girlfriend/partner. But that's sick hours. I get bereavement leave if it's my spouse (not much but hey it's a benefit).

Medical rights- I can visit my spouse in the hospital. I get say over their medical care if they're incapacitated. I can decide how they are buried.

Consumer stuff- there's a lot of discounted stuff for families

School- This isn't one many people think of but it's why my wedding was a small civil court marriage vs a grand wedding. I could not qualify for financial aid because my parents refused to provide tax documents for aid. Even if they had I think it would have been too high of income but my parents never wanted to help me with school financially (it's a very privileged person who has a family that will pay). To remove my dependent status we decided to get married and that is how I was finally able to obtain my dream of going to college in my twenties without taking out 50K+ in private loans.

Court- conversations between my spouse and I are confidential and I will not be charged with a crime for refusing to share it (exceptions apply)

These are just a few I know about. I am sure there is more but I think you get the gist. Marriage is extremely powerful in the USA and it's a big reason why the LGBTQ+ community fought so hard. I remember reading stories about gay couples adopting one another before it was legal as a workaround to get the inheritance and medical benefits married couples do

There are a lot of workarounds to some of these, especially with wills. However, I can't count how many times someone has been screwed over for not being married to someone and the person dies. So I am really curious to hear from people all over if it's similar or really different?

[grandmagbignaturals]

Results!

I got nearly 5000 votes which is WAY more than i thought I'd get. I expected to top out around 1k, and this has been a really interesting poll to read the notes on. I've been keeping up with it all week, and while the results are basically what I expected, I want to highlight the most common comments I got

63.8% of people, regardless of ability, say they can shop without help, and that it matters a lot, which was a more overwhelming majority than I expected, partly because I expected this to circulate more in disabled circles and I didn't expect the 43% of abled respondents

A lot of people within this group described a time where they hadn't been able to go easily, and cited that as part of why it mattered to them.

Some people who said they could shop without help commented that they would be severely negatively effected by the experience, either due to disability, mental health concerns, or sheer distance. to those people, I hope you get help with your shopping more often than not, and please be kind to yourselves and don't push when you don't need to.

10.1% of abled people can't get to the shops without help

Most of the comments regarding this were about the fucking car culture of the United States. I'm so sorry to you all about that.

A couple folks were rural and unable to drive

Most of this was about access to independent transport and sheer distance, which also came up a lot in responses from disabled people so I'm reminded of the Curb Cut Effect

13.5% of all respondents said that it didn't matter to their quality of life

Those who elaborated on this cited mostly that they had easy access to help they didn't mind accepting or asking for, or that they never really needed anything unexpectedly.

A couple of the above clarified as well that they were teenagers who hadn't had call to leave home yet, and that they expected their answer to change when they moved out

One or two people mentioned that they didn't mind because they'd been unable to for so long that it was just their reality.

the 12.5% of disabled people who can't and who it matters a lot to (like me!) were really helpfully descriptive in their comments

Many people from this group described the ways they get around this problem through use of services like doordash, online grocery deliveries, and other online shopping

A lot of people described the specific difficulties they have accessing shops, either due to the infrastructural problems mentioned above, or due to their specific disability. I don't have much to say about this except my heart is with you all.

Limitations of the poll recognised from comments whose group I can't identify:

Many people were unsure if they "counted" as disabled because their disability is a mental illness, or was "minor". If I'd predicted this I would have clarified that I didn't want to distinguish between physical and mental disabilities, and that degree of disability wasn't a factor to me.

Some people were unsure what an "unexpected" need might be. I specifically was thinking of realising you were out of a vital ingredient while cooking, but didn't want to alienate disabled people who aren't able to cook for themselves, but who still need to go to the store for something, so I didn't specify. I'm not sure how I'd do this differently, perhaps suggesting some examples.

People commented that sometimes they can and sometimes they can't. Variable disabilities were again something i didn't account for. I think I'd specify it as "on an average day" or "on a moderate day" if I ran this poll again.

If you have an additional point you'd like to add, please let me know! This was really valuable to me in validating my discomfort at not being able to go to the shop myself, and I hope it's been similarly helpful for others to know you're not alone, and that it is a big deal.

And lastly, if you "technically can" but it'd incapacitate you to do something, it's okay to say you can't. You're not the problem, your situation is.

I have a theory that my inability to get to the store when I want to go has a serious impact on my quality of life, so here's a question

If you needed something unexpectedly, can you get to the store without help? Does that matter to your quality of life?

Help is whatever makes you feel not independent - ie. i consider a taxi help, but not a bus because i retain my independence when taking a bus but feel like i'm asking for help when i taxi. It might be different for you.

also if anyone has any info on this, like essays or articles by disabled authors or academics I'd love to hear about it.

please share I want a lot of data!

[akindplace]

A personal post about chronic illness

...I felt betrayed by my body, my genes, everything that makes me who I am.

And then I realized: It is pointless to feel so angry and depressed (even though I still have my very low moments). I had to have hope. I just knew one day, sitting at a doctor's office, looking at his deep green eyes that I had to get better, while he looked at me silently because he knew he couldn't save me if I didn't try. It was then and there I decided to get better. It was time I took care of myself instead of caring for everyone else. I knew I had to validate this pain. And I knew I had to have hope it would get better.

I had terribly incapacitating migraines today. It hurt so bad I was screaming. I am having a hard time sleeping because of the back pain. I was thinking to myself "I miss the old me. The old me could work out. Lift heavy objects. Walk to the grocery store or the subway. Walk out in the sun and not faint."

But then I remembered all the unexplainable symptoms I had back when I had no diagnosis of Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, and how everyone in my life (except a few friends) invalidated my pain. How somedays I forced myself to keep going to the point of collapsing. How I pushed myself in my studies when I was already so tired that I had burnout, had low immunity, and caught covid, which made my EDS so much worse in the first place.

In a weird way, after all this pain, I learned to be more independent even if I can't walk a few miles without being exhausted. I learned to count more on myself. I learned how to respect more this body I have, the emotions I feel, and how to care better for my anxiety and I have conquered depression. I found the answer to why I was always different, always so tired, always feeling pain on my back, on my feet, on my knees. Why I was so flexible and why it was so easy for me to do ballet and yoga when it came to flexibility. Why my body was different, why it always got so sick, why I have dysautonomia. I am not my diagnosis, but it is a part of me that explains my pain. 

And finding that out left more space for me to search for more of myself, to find out who I am.

I don't want to be my old self again. I want to be a better version of her. A version who is conscious of her needs, her emotions, her desires, her passions, her pain, her pleasure. A version that doesn't push her mind and body to breaking point over and over. Someone who is not a people pleaser. Someone who doesn't live for others but chose to live her own life. I thought I was a shell of a person. Always going with what I was told, and how I should please and adapt to others around me no matter the cost to my health, because I had no value, but others mattered much more. I really believed that. 

And now I know I am not a shell. I just had to break down, break protocol, break up with toxic people and toxic behaviors to dig deep and find answers about who I was.

I am still finding them. I still struggle more often than not. I have been discovering even more issues with my body. Still, I am making progress, as shocking as it may seem. Yes, I was so much worse health-wise than the person writing this today. I think it is because I chose recovery and I chose hope. I chose to have faith in myself. It was what worked for me. Something else might work for you, but so try different approaches and don't give up on your health. You are worth recovering even if it doesn't mean you will be cured forever. You still deserve to get better.

I am stubborn. I will remain stubborn in my recovery and also on the importance of taking care of oneself, the necessity for access to better and affordable healthcare. I will remain stubborn when people invalidate me and try to make me feel small so they can feel bigger. I will not be less of a human just because of a disability. I will not conform to others being treated like they are less than human for any reason.

I still have a lot to educate myself upon. And I am willing to do so.

I know I have to rigorously do physiotherapy and other forms of therapy for my mind while medicating for the pain. Because I want to be this new version of myself. Because I may not be able to go everywhere (yet), but I am freer than I was before.

I don't really think about what would've happened if I gave up after that doctor's appointment, because I felt a true epiphany, and I knew this faith and hope I found in myself wasn't going to go away.

I can be shaken up, but not broken, not completely. I found strength in myself there, in those white walls of an office. I knew then that it was now or never. And I am glad of my choice to keep going.

Hope is one of the strongest things one may have. And when even the smallest fraction of your hopes and dreams come true, as mine did, I encourage you to celebrate that victory.

In the end, I have handled worse. And I will handle this pain and the new test results I got. I will figure this out. It's time to remind myself and to remind you that we are survivors. And it's not fair, definitely, life is anything but fair. But we can prove to ourselves that we can get through whatever faces us right now because we have done it before, and we will keep doing it with grace. Because we are strong. Stronger than others think, and maybe even stronger than we give ourselves credit for.

My final advice about being sick and taking this long road to recovery is: Don't miss the old you. Celebrate the change that is making you grow. Forgive your past self, they didn't know what you know now. Forgive yourself in the present if you feel lost and don't know what to do. You will keep going and before you know it, you will find yourself in a whole new place. Life is unfair, but it doesn't mean that you can't help yourself get to a better place. And the journey is incredible.

Without my journey, this blog would exist. And what a shame it would have been because this place helps me every day. It saves me a little bit. It reminds me to keep going. It gives me a sense of community and a place to be creative.

Sometimes, with all this pain and uncertainty, I still can't wait to see what my journey will be and where it will take me.

With a lot of love, with food for thought (and a large dose of personal history), 

Lívia (Liv) 💐💕🌻🌱

[thecirculararchive]

(Questioning anon; this came out much longer than expected. Sorry for that; i'll do it all in one to avoid taking up more of your time. Thank you in advance -although again, no pressure-. And in any case, thank you for being such a neutral and unaggressive member of this community. Lovely day to you.)

1) I never did anything to create my alters. I've read of other people who were aware of them younger than i was, or thought they were imaginary friends. That isn't my case. I just started hearing J telling C to calm down one day. Then i heard them both more clearly. For a while we were aware of being 3. Then out of nowhere a 4th appeared. Then 5 who the "original" (for lack of a better term) three didn't know; but all of whomst knew each other and 4 as well. Then a last one we were all surprised by. These people appeared in my head one day and that was that. Count is currently at 13. Is this a plausible way to discover one's alters? Can they just know each other while i'm unaware of them?

2) I've had imaginary friends growing up. When i stopped thinking about them they just vanished. I can try to ignore my potential alters, or even succeed if my head's particularly quiet for a few days, but they're still... there. Idk how to explain it it's like being home alone when everyone else is sleeping? You're technically alone but you're aware there are other people around? Can this happen?

3) Two of them split, i think is the right term. M and S disappeared for a while and when they came back M was gone entirely and there were two new people in her stead, and S was still there but it had "spawned", for lack of a better term, someone else. This was during a highly stressful time but i don't recall having had splitting pains. That being said due to a physical disability i have a pretty bad case of dissociation from pain; so i can't rule out that i just missed it or shrugged it off as "another bad episode". The process lasted days. I can no longer conjure up the original M in my head. I mean i *can*; i imagine her and remember her mannerisms. But it's kind of like remembering a deceased relative, in a sense? She's not there. I can recall and recreate my imaginary friends at will. I can't do that with M at all. Is this a plausible scenario for splitting?

4) K appeared one day as an introject. She just did and she was confused. Nobody knew what to do with her so we kind of left here there wailing for days. Then she sort of sorted herself out and barely interacts with anyone now; she doesn't really care beyond not wanting to purposefully hurt anyone. The thing is i'm bodily an adult (albeit a young one; idk if that counts) and K is from a piece of media i consumed not so long ago. Can that happen? She appeared at the same distressing time period that M and S disappeared and apparently split. It was "a panic attack a day" kind of distressing and incapacitating. But am i too old for introjects?

5) I can't tell who i am most of the time. Every time i feel like i'm faking i try to ask myself that if i'm the original, the others are fake and created, right? So who could i eliminate? And the answer is none of them. There's no "original". Even when i was only aware of another 2, i couldn't narrow it down to "i'm the real one and the others are fabricated and disposable like imaginary friends". It kind of feels like we're all integral parts of a mechanism. Due to this i've been having a really hard time discerning who i am. If we're alters, idk who's fronting 99% of the time. Is this what "being blurry" refers to? Or do i have to know who i am?

6) While there's a general aura of cordiality in my head, not everyone likes everyone. Or at least not equally. Two of who would be our littles if we are a system in the end can't stand each other. I have a soft spot for found families. If i'd made this up i'm certain i wouldn't have done this. But i've also read that reaching the point of cordiality can take a while. I haven't worked on it; it's always been like this. Can we just be naturally tolerant and non-conflictive? It extends to people irl too. I'd hazard to say only 4/13 care about friends and 6/13 about some family. For the most part when dealing with someone who isn't liked, none of them are overly aggressive or try causing rifts and problems on purpose. J and A can get a bit on the cruel side with people who have hurt me/us though; but that's about it.

7) All my life i've had moments of "waking up" in the middle of doing a task. Like having been "elsewhere" and suddenly being pulled into the moment. Sometimes i have to stop and think about what i'm talking about or what i'm doing. Could this be what switching feels like? I've also had moments of "approaching", so as to speak, consciousness? Like something or someone is waking up and stirring and it takes a while but when time's up "it's/they're here", at the forefront of attention? Could that be switching instead? Maybe both or neither?

8) Despite the cordiality, sometimes there are interferences. J likes meditating. A thinks it's a waste of time. Sometimes when J's meditating he gets lost in thought. Sometimes, A starts interfering with the process. J getting lost in thought doesn't feel the same as A just being annoying. Is this possible to be certain of the difference or is my head fabricating this feeling?

9) When my head is quiet (and it can be for weeks at a time) i can sort of stop thinking about them. I still don't know who i am, i still feel them, i still deal with amnesia and flashbacks and random triggers i didn't know i had. And unfalteringly something happens to bring me back to questioning being a system again (spontaneous out of body experience, hearing one of them clearly, etc.). I'm aware from these months of research that alters can go dormant for some time; or that communication can be bad. But can communication fluctuate from being good to bad and then good again? I can also ignore pain for long stretches of time and that doesn't mean the underlying condition is gone. Can a similar thing happen with being a system? Can i just not think about it 24/7? Or if i were a system i'd be fully aware at all times?

Thanks.

Hello questioning Anon. Thank you for all your support these past few days while we waited to reply. I’m Rice, and it’s lovely to be able to speak with you! I actually wanted to talk to you personally, because while Octavian is sweet, I’ve been around the longest, and a lot of your questions just… are so relatable to my experiences. The responses will be under this cut.

1. Your alters knowing each other before you’re aware of them is absolutely normal, and also the case for me as well when I first became aware of our system. I became aware of “voices in my head” talking to each other. I just thought of them as characters at the time. Like I was RPing with myself. I never actually realized the “characters” in my head were PEOPLE in my head until college. This is an absolutely plausible way to discover your alters.

2. Alters still existing, even when you ignore them, is the norm for us as well. Our communication has gotten so good that we’re actually almost always aware of each other. Right now, LED and Ve are asleep, Roy is in his weight room, Numb and Curt are being cute, Deb and Wade are keeping a watchful eye on me, and Sierra is brushing her hair. Even when I can’t communicate with them, they’re still there – just not present in the moment. Very normal, afaik!

3. I’ve never personally had a split like this, but: splits do not require physical pain. I don’t think I’ve had physical pain when splitting? Maybe a bit of a headache. But I ABSOLUTELY have a lot of dissociation from splitting, which you describe here. I’ve also heard others experience splits like how you describe – another check in the “valid” box!

4. NOBODY is too old for introjects! We actually just split our first fictional introject at Thanksgiving this past year, at age 24. You can always split an alter at any time, especially one that comes at a distressing time. A panic attack a day sounds terrifyingly stressful, and it’s no wonder your brain did what it had to do. Also, introjects can come from any media as far as I know – so recency of media is not an issue.

5. You never need to know who you are. It’s actually pretty common for systems who struggle with communication and dissociative barriers – which it sounds like you have plenty. I am so, so proud of you for understanding that there isn’t an original alter though! That took me so long to understand, and you seem to have worked it our on your own here. This is a great way of thinking about it – you’re all parts of one mechanism. The key thing to remember is, if you are all parts of one whole, does it truly matter figuring out exactly who you are at the moment? Or is it better for you to just go with it? (We actually experienced this recently – turns out it was Wade, Octavian, and Ve all fronting at the same time. Talk about blurry!)

6. Debra purposely tried to hurt people IRL that I was best friends with. Numb would try to push people away who I was close to. Curtis would daydream about ruining my life to have fun for himself. You ABSOLUTELY will not always agree with each other, even on things as important as people in real life. I would wager that about half of my system right now doesn’t actually call my parents mom and dad. Numb tries to exclusively refer to them as “the parents.” The fact is, you aren’t all going to have the same opinions or feelings, especially about the people you’re stuck with 24/7. But rest assured, it is possible to grow and accept each other more. Curtis and Debra used to be at each other’s throats with anger and hatred – now it’s turned to playful teasing. You just need to work on healing and system communication.

7. Both of these situations sound like switching in my experience. I’ve felt these things before. Goodness, I did the “Waking up” one right before answering these asks! I opened my eyes and Octavian had already written a paragraph. (Sorry Tavi – I deleted it). Now, our communication is good and I remember vaguely talking to Tavi before switching, since we typically work together on switches now. But I think you’re not at that point yet. What you’re describing is a lot like what I experienced in freshman year of College, when fronting was more random and not as much by choice.

8. “Is my head fabricating this feeling” is such an odd question to me, now. I used to think that I was just pretending, or faking, and eventually settled on “my brain made this up.” And. Well. It did! Our brains make everything up – that’s how brains work. Colors are fake and emotions are chemicals. But that doesn’t negate ANYTHING you’re experiencing. Even though it’s just our brains Doing Something Weird, it’s our brains Doing What They Need To Do To Survive. So, J’s feelings are absolutely valid – and by that, I mean they do exist, even if it’s just within your head at the moment. All emotions are in your head. That’s because your brain controls your entire body, and sometimes, your brain can be silly. Am I rambling?

9. Communication can absolutely fluctuate. There are some days – we’ve noticed especially with Curtis – where it feels like he’s the ONLY ALTER for an extended period of time. He’s honestly had doubts more than once that he actually had DID – what if we were just a trans dude named Curtis this whole time? But inevitably, we switch, or his husband (our alter, Numb) comes back towards the front, or he realizes he’s just being depressed. You can absolutely not think about your system 24/7 – actually, that’s more normal than if you were always 1000% aware of everyone at all times.

I wanted to speak to you directly now that your questions are answered. You are, with 99% certainty from me, a system. Obviously, I’m a stranger on the internet – I can’t diagnose you. But everything you described here is what I’ve heard of or experienced for myself as a system. Furthermore – your system isn’t going to be like everyone elses. Everyone has their own lives, with their own traumas, and their own brains. Systems are, first and foremost, a traumatic coping mechanism. Your brain had to cope and survive the horrendous things that were happening when you were a kid, and so it broke your identity into multiple parts. You continue to break as you grow, because you never got to handle those stressful situations. And… Just like you said – you work together to create something beautiful. You!

There shouldn’t be any fear. I think you’re a system, and that’s just fine. That’s you, and that’s what your brain had to do. I know first figuring it all out can be confusing, and messy, and scary, but I want you to know that there is a whole entire community here who (regardless of all the hate you’ve seen these past few days) welcomes you with open arms. If nothing else, take solace in the fact that WE welcome you with open arms, and that’s 11 people who already love you.

I am so happy to answer more questions if you have them. My suggestion is to keep researching – join spaces that welcome questioning systems, and find articles centered on alters and how they function together. Please, work on system communication – your dissociative barriers sound REALLY strong. Maybe consider keeping a journal, or a record of your thinking/emotions. If you hear someone, write it down! And consider seeking a therapist if you have not already. It sounds like you could use some more direct help than my tiny little tumblr can offer <3

I hope this all came out well. It’s my first time out in months, and I just wanted to reassure you however I could. I’m not always the best with words, but hopefully I could be comforting. 😊

[kimberlylikescherries]

Hey, you know what's weird? Developing a disability later in life. You know what's weirder? Developing one that's internal, or not immediately visible. You don't feel disabled. You don't look disabled. You feel like you, but slightly more...complicated. Sometimes it feels like you aren't disabled at all. It's your normal, and that makes it feel like sometimes you're making it up.

I have IBS. I'm not even sure that's recognized as a disability half the time. Some places count it, some don't, but what I know for sure is that it hurts. It's a chronic illness. It can be incapacitating and, sometimes, just plain miserable. Sometimes I go through days where all I can eat is plain crackers and water. Days. If I don't, I risk some of the worst gut pain in my life and, best of all, it worsens with stress.

But you know what? Sometimes, when I go through a streak of good days, I convince myself I must have been exaggerating it. I look fine. I act fine. Sure, I can't eat that one food, or even most of them, but it can't really be that bad right? I mean, it didn't put me in the hospital.

Please, don't do that to yourself. Disabled or chronically ill, your problems are not something to blow off. If it hurts, it hurts. If it causes you problems in your day-to-day life, then it's not something to ignore or avoid. You can't avoid your problems forever anyway, and acting like it's all fine when it's not isn't healthy. "It's not the end of the world," doesn't mean it's not your own personal natural disaster.

My point is, if you're out there somewhere right now, hurting, miserable, maybe even bed or bathroom ridden, I'm thinking about you right now. I can't help you, or even make much of a difference, but I know you exist. Your hurts aren't made up.

You're going to get through this.

[lastoneout]

And also the general guidelines for "is this person disabled" assume if you don't spend every second of your day laying in bed in complete agony, unable to care for yourself in any way, then you're fine and can totally get a job.

Using myself as an example, due to my chronic health issues, I cannot hold down a job. Standing for more than an hour a day is incredibly painful and bad for my joints, I can't lift heavy things or walk quickly, I have random migraines that strike without warning and leave me incapacitated for days at a time, and even sitting at my desk for extended periods of time is hard. I also don't have a car so getting places means taking the bus, which eats into my pain-free standing time. That's not even counting all the time I'd need off for doctor's appointments and physical therapy to ensure my conditions are managed and don't get worse.

I have spent hours job hunting and have not once found a single job that can accommodate my needs, and I prefer to spend my pain-free time at home, working on my art and streaming and taking care of myself, and working on going to college so I might be able to get some kind of job that will work with me one day. HOWEVER, because I can stand for an hour and sit for a few without pain and can more or less cook, clean, and manage my personal hygiene, go out and do things a few times a week, and spend time doing fun things at home like playing video games, I am not "disabled" enough for the US Government and thus should have no problem finding a job.

The policy is literally "if you have even the slightest ability to do anything other than lie around and have other people care for you then you aren't disabled". They are the parent that says "if you can play video games you can go to school" that's the way they think, and it's how they justify denying millions of disabled americans the financial assistance we so DESPERATELY need. (Though, ofc, as phoenixonwheels said, this money isn't even enough to pay rent in most places, let alone afford things like video games.)

Also while I can't 100% speak to it bcs I am from the USA and have lived here my whole life, I've heard from disabled people in Canada and the UK that things aren't much better. Disabled people are held to an impossible standard. If we take a single moment to like, go to the park or read a book or something, well, we must not really be disabled, and it's literally killing us.

not enough people understand that disability benefits are basically what it would look like if you turned "if you're too sick for school you're too sick for video games" into an official public policy

[solstice-catacombs]

エイリアン Alien || Akito || Trial 0.3 || Re: Amora, Haru, Haruka, Jane

"Amora..." Unlike everyone else, who Akito regarded with polite deference and more importantly honorifics, there was a familiar, affectionate note of exasperation in his tone as he addressed the gambler. "I doubt you would've been able to resist admitting to it if you had, considering how insistent some of our classmates are with showering our mysterious assailant with praise. As much as I love your sense of humour, now probably isn't the best time for it." He still flashes them an easy smile for reassurance soon after.

"That being said, the rest of what we have established certainly doesn't bode well." The smile melts away as he refocuses on the situation at hand. "Doe-san is right that whatever caused the damage around Electrical and to Beebee-tan must have been marked or damaged itself in some way. Anything sharper would have left deeper or cleaner scuff marks, while anything more superheated would have left traces of melted metal or a more uniform wound in their head. Our investigation group weren't able to find anything of the sort, and I... don't believe any of us are carrying something capable of this much devastation on hand." There's hesitation in that declaration, mostly because he doesn't know everyone well enough to ascertain that someone wasn't just carrying a handful of switchblades in a back pocket or something, but it was the thought that counted, at least?

"I can attest to Shibasaki-san's claim. I've travelled through the vents twice now, once in our initial canvassing of the spaceship and another during investigation, and the only accessible location from Electrical is the Cafeteria where we're all in right now. We didn't see anything or anyone in the vents then though, or at least I didn't." He glances over to Fenwick, then to Jane, and then back to Amora, presumably to ask if they saw anything. "That being said, I think with what we've worked out so far, there's enough to form a relative timeline of what must have happened earlier tonight. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong at any point, though."

He pauses for a moment to take a sip of coffee and go over his notes. "The unknown individual set out to Electrical to sabotage the wires, presumably to draw Beebee-tan's attention towards the blind spot in Electrical, where they attacked and subsequently incapacitated Beebee-tan. Under cover of darkness they took one of Beebee-tan's rings, before heading to Shields for reasons that we have yet to establish. However, they must have seen or heard Doe-san and Garnet-san in the darkness, and sensing that they would be caught once the lights came back on, left the ring in Shields and fled from the scene." Akito looks back up. "Which, incidentally, does lead back to what Amora has mentioned: motive. If their motive was simply to annex or disable Beebee-tan, then what's stopping them from being upfront with us about it? While I did like them, hardly enough time has passed that I would be distraught over their passing and others seem to be more than happy to celebrate it. And although Doe-san is rightfully angry over incapacitating our pilot, therein lies the question of why target our pilot at all?"

Pursing his lips, Akito continues. "Our culprit both had a reason to want to modify our Shields, and either the knowledge or the confidence of how to disable Beebee-tan with force, and their reason for not speaking up that they did. Everyone in this cafeteria fits only one or two of these categories, and on top of that must have had the means to see or evade our friends in the dark heading to Electrical. I hate to bring up the possibility again, but if I'm forced to consider that the culprit isn't here, then..." He trails off. "Occam's razor dictates that the most reasonable explanation is usually the best one. Would it be unreasonable to suspect, given that we're in outer space, the likelihood that this spaceship has been infiltrated by an alien? And that said alien wants our Shields down as an act of sabotage among us?"

Roll credits.

[manuelvmiv713]

Don't Make These Blunders With Medical Cannabis Clinics

I would not be an excellent attorney unless I prefaced this post with a few disclaimers:

1) Marijuana is still a controlled schedule I substance as well as is unlawful in the eyes of the Federal Federal Government of the United States;

2) This article is not to be construed as legal guidance, nor is it intended to take the place of the suggestions of an attorney, and also you need to speak with an attorney prior to taking any activities in furtherance of the topic of this write-up. Ok, allowed's start.

In the month of November, the State of Arizona passed Proposition 203, which would spare particular individuals from illegal drugs laws in the State of Arizona. However, it will still take some time prior to medical cannabis is executed as a policy in Arizona. The Arizona Department of Wellness Services has actually released a suggested timeline for the drafting of the regulations surrounding the execution of Suggestion 203. So far, these are the essential time periods that ought to be paid very close attention to:

December 17, 2010: The first draft of the clinical marijuana guidelines should be released and offered for talk about this date.

January 7, 2011: This will certainly be the target date for public comment on the first draft of the regulations pointed out over.

January 31, 2011: The second draft of the regulations will be launched on this date. Once again, it will be available for informal remark as in the draft referred to above.

February 21 to March 18, 2011: Even more formal public hearings will certainly be held concerning the recommended policies at this time, after which the final regulations will be submitted to the Secretary of State and revealed on the Workplace of Administrative Rules internet site.

April 2011: The medical cannabis guidelines will certainly go into effect and be published in the Arizona Administrative Register.

It is necessary that whatsoever times throughout the assessment process, interested parties submit briefs and/or make public speakings when permitted. Teams with rate of interests contrary to those of clinical cannabis advocates may additionally be making presentations and also may encourage the State to needlessly restrict the material or those who may certify to access it if there is no voice to promote for individuals' legal rights.

Some bottom lines regarding Recommendation 203's results

- Physicians might recommend clinical marijuana for their people under particular problems. "Doctor" is not defined in a manner restricted to normal medical physicians. Osteopaths certified under Title 32, Chapter 17; naturopaths certified under Title 32, Phase 14; as well as homeopaths accredited under Title 32, Phase 29 may all be eligible to advise marijuana for their clients.

- In order to be recommended clinical marijuana, a person must be a "qualifying person." A qualifying client is specified as a person who has actually been detected by a "medical professional" (as specified over) as having a "devastating clinical condition."

- Debilitating clinical conditions include:

• Cancer, glaucoma, HIV positive status, AIDS, hepatitis C, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, Crohn's disease, or agitation of Alzheimer's condition or the therapy of these conditions.

• A chronic or debilitating illness or medical condition or its treatment that creates several of the following: Cachexia or wasting disorder; serious and also persistent discomfort; extreme nausea; seizures, consisting of that quality of epilepsy; or severe and persistent muscle spasms, consisting of that quality of numerous sclerosis.

• Any other medical problem or its therapy included by the Department of Health Services pursuant to Area 36-2801.01.

This last qualifying problem is underscored because it is essential during the rulemaking process. Although Suggestion 203 allows the general public to request the Division of Health Solutions to exercise its discernment to add problems under this area, administration is notoriously hard to get to alter any kind of legislation. The initial optional guidelines for added therapies could be worked out throughout the public assessments that take place in between December and also March, though this is not certain.

It is therefore important that, in the event that the addition of medical problems is taken into consideration throughout the consultations, any type of stakeholder who wants a medical problem not noted in the initial 2 bulleted items over to lobby throughout the general public examination durations for the Division to add the added clinical problem to the listing of disabling clinical problems. In order to enhance the stature of any type of discussions made to justify adding medical problems under Section 36-2801.01, it might be handy to solicit the testimony of understanding Arizona-licensed medical doctors who can affirm theoretically and also at the general public hearings about why the suggested problem ought to be added. Files showing that other territories, both in the United States as well as in other places, presently make use of marijuana as a treatment for the recommended condition may be handy, as would clinical journals on the topic.

It must be kept in mind that in spite of his uplifting YouTube video clips regarding the clinical marijuana regulation composing procedure, Director of Health And Wellness Providers Will Modest wrote an entry in opposition to the passing of Proposal 203. He did so on the grounds that the FDA does not evaluate the drug, as well as despite the fact that the federal government's anti-marijuana plan is well-known it should not be counted on as an authority for honest clinical marijuana research study. There is no factor to believe that Supervisor Humble will certainly be any kind of much less likely to obstruct making use of clinical marijuana throughout the rulemaking stage, and all advocates of clinical cannabis need to make certain to make their voices listened to at the assessments to avoid the obstruction of the intent of Proposition 203.

The extent of Rulemaking during Examinations

There are various other stipulations in Suggestion 203 which will be reviewed during the first rulemaking procedure, and also they will probably be the main emphasis of the consultations. The examinations will develop regulations:

• Regulating the manner in which the Division of Wellness Solutions will certainly accept the requests from the general public formerly stated, pertaining to the enhancement of clinical conditions to the list of the already enshrined incapacitating medical problems.

• Establishing the kind as well as content of enrollment as well as renewal applications submitted under the clinical marijuana law.

• Controling the way in which the Division will think about applications for and also renewals of medical cannabis ID cards.

• Regulating the numerous elements around the newly legislated nonprofit medical cannabis dispensaries, including recordkeeping, security, oversight, as well as various other demands.

• Establishing the charges for client applications and clinical cannabis dispensary applications.

The most critical part of the consultation period will be pertaining to the rules regulating the establishment as well as oversight of medical cannabis dispensaries. If interest groups lobby the Department to make the recordkeeping, security, oversight, and also various other requirements around dispensaries as well limiting, it will have the impact of decreasing the schedule of medical cannabis to individuals and driving up the price of medical cannabis because of the lack of supply. It could simply end up being as well pricey to follow all of the guidelines.

Throughout this phase, it is essential that stakeholders-particularly clinical marijuana dispensaries from out-of-state, as well as probably pharmacologists with a few economic knowledge-submit briefs describing why specific proposed guidelines might have a negative effect on the individuals this Recommendation is meant to aid. The suggested rules have not appear yet, but when they do, they must be very closely scrutinized for the possible unfavorable impact that needlessly difficult safety and recordkeeping on nonprofit dispensaries may have on individuals.

The other major factor in the rulemaking will certainly have to do with the fees. The Division will be establishing fees for medical marijuana dispensaries during the assessment duration. Suggestion 203 provides that the costs might not surpass $5,000 per preliminary application as well as $1,000 per revival. Nevertheless, with some lobbying throughout the public consultation, it is possible that the real fees will be a lot less considering that these are merely the maximum that the Department might bill.

Discrimination against Medical Marijuana Users

Under Proposal 203, discrimination against clinical cannabis customers will be banned in certain scenarios. Based upon our evaluation, an individual might not:

• As a school or landlord, reject to sign up a person or otherwise punish them solely for their status as a clinical cannabis cardholder, unless refraining so would certainly cause the loss of a financial or licensing-related benefit under government legislation or regulations.

• As an employer, victimize hiring someone, or terminate them or enforce any kind of problems on them since they are a medical cannabis cardholder unless refraining so would certainly result in the loss of a financial or licensing-related advantage under federal regulation or policies. Employers might still end employees if the worker remains in ownership of or impaired by cannabis on the properties of the location of work or during the hrs of work.

• As a healthcare carrier, victimize a cardholder, including in issues of organ transplants. Clinical marijuana should be dealt with like any other medication suggested by a medical professional.

• Be avoided, as a cardholder, from having visitation guardianship or visitation or parenting time with a minor, unless the cardholder's behavior "produces an unreasonable risk to the safety of the small as developed by clear and also persuading evidence."

Although there are specific prohibitions on discrimination, there are also stipulations which permit discrimination versus medical cannabis cardholders:

• Government clinical aid programs and private wellness insurers are not needed to repay a person for their medical marijuana usage.

• No one that has residential property, including business owners, is called for to permit medical cannabis on their premises (this relatively consists of property owners who, although they can not reject tenants based on their being a cardholder, are permitted to stop cardholders from bringing marijuana onto the property manager's residential property).

• Companies are not required to permit cardholders to be intoxicated of or ingest cannabis while working, though the presence of cannabis in the body which is not of an enough concentration to create disability does not establish being under the influence of it.

Regulations Associated With the Establishment of Dispensaries

Although the last rules around security, recordkeeping, and other demands for medical marijuana dispensaries will not be developed until April 2011, there are specific needs that are enshrined in Suggestion 203 itself and can be known ahead of the time that the last rules come out. These very little needs might not be as restrictive as the last needs which are published in April 2011.

• Medical cannabis dispensaries should be nonprofit. They have to have bylaws that maintain their nonprofit nature, though they need not be thought about tax-exempt by the IRS, nor need to they be integrated.

• The operating documents of the dispensaries should consist of stipulations for the oversight of the dispensary and also for precise recordkeeping.

• The dispensary need to have a solitary safe entryway and also needs to implement ideal security measures to prevent and also stop the burglary of cannabis and also unauthorized access to areas consisting of cannabis.

• A dispensary have to not obtain, have, cultivate, make, supply, transfer, transport, supply, or give marijuana for any type of objective other than giving it directly to a cardholder or to a signed up caregiver for the cardholder.

• All cultivation of marijuana have to occur just at a locked, confined facility at a physical address given to the Division of Health And Wellness Solutions during the application process, as well as accessible just by dispensary representatives registered with the Division.

• A dispensary can acquire cannabis from a person of their caretaker, however just if the patient or caregiver obtains no payment for it.

• No consumption of marijuana is allowed on the building of the dispensary.

• A dispensary is subject to practical assessment by the Department of Wellness Services. The Division has to first give affordable notice of the evaluation to the dispensary.

Contrast to The golden state's Medical Cannabis Legislation

The Arizona law is by no means the like the regulation in California. There are definitely some differences between the two, though in some areas they are comparable. This is a comparative evaluation of the two legislations.

Similarities:

• Both laws, as a sensible matter, enable wide discernment on the part of a doctor to suggest cannabis to clients who struggle with pain. In the Arizona law, "serious and chronic pain" is the legislated criterion. In the California law, any kind of "chronic or consistent medical signs and symptom" that considerably limits the life of the individual to carry out several major life tasks as specified by the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990, or that if not alleviated, will cause serious harm to the person's physical or mental security, certifies.

• Both regulations have a variety of ailments that are instantly thought about certifying diseases for the prescription of medical marijuana. These consist of, but are not limited to, AIDS, cachexia, cancer cells, glaucoma, relentless muscle spasms, seizures, and also severe nausea.

• Both regulations call for the use of an identification card by those who have actually been recommended medical marijuana after the cardholders have gone through a first application procedure in which the use of the medicine has been advised by a medical professional.

• Both states do not consider the pointless portion of the cannabis plant in establishing the maximum weight of marijuana that is permissible for possession by a where can i buy cbd oil near boardwalk cardholder.

Distinctions:

• Though the regulations have not been finalized, the Arizona law looks like though it will be managed on the state level as well as for that reason consistent throughout Arizona. The California legislation, nevertheless, is controlled considerably on the community level, as well as for that reason the guidelines around dispensaries can differ greatly from one town to the next.

• The Arizona regulation offers a broader range of individuals that are thought about a "medical professional" for the purpose of suggesting medical cannabis. In California, just medical physicians and also osteopaths are considered to be medical professionals. In Arizona, along with medical doctors and osteopaths, naturopaths and homeopaths will certainly additionally be allowed to recommend medical cannabis.

• In The golden state, patients or their caretakers might grow cannabis plants in lieu of utilizing a medical cannabis dispensary. In Arizona, clients might only expand marijuana or assign another person to do so instead of going to a dispensary on the problem that there is no dispensary operating within 25 miles of the client's residence.

• The maximum ownership restriction for marijuana in California is 8 ounces per person, whereas the limit is only 2.5 ounces per patient in Arizona.

-This is not meant to be lawful recommendations and is provided purely as an analysis of the current regulations. You ought to consult with a lawyer to discuss these matters. We are readily available for consultations for this matter by consultation only and through prepayment of the assessment fee.

[flyingmustachio]

I feel this. As a disabled fat person trying to navigate the American healthcare system especially, aside from all of my dysphoria type issues in my self perception from the situation surrounding my weight gain (severe over-medication from a psychiatrist who would spin the weight gain as a moral and willpower issue so she wouldn't have to take me off of any of my 5 medications I believe she may have been getting kickbacks for. Several of them have fast weight gain as a well documented side effect, but she denied it could ever be the meds and kept increasing the dosage and adding more medications when everything kept making my depression and cognition worse.) I sometimes feel frighteningly desperate to lose weight. With my particular connective tissue disorder, large amounts of weight loss could cause my joint pain to worsen due to loss of padding and muscle deconditioning, but I have to admit most days I don't care, I'd rather be in more pain but not be obese anymore. Not because I'm unwilling to work on my self perception or my self love, but because being chronically ill with a difficult to diagnose and manage disorder, it feels like my fat is literally going to kill me. Or rather, the medical system's preconceptions about my fat are going to kill me. The number of disturbing symptoms that various doctors have written off as due to my weight... A thoracic surgeon once told me that clearly my breathing problems, fatigue, and pain were from being fat, and not the congenital chest deformity I was seeing him to evaluate. Only when I got upset did he actually look at my scans long enough to realize that the cartilage on the left side of my ribcage is completely calcified, and yeah that would make it harder to fucking breathe. He never touched me, and even after looking closer at my scan told me to "lose 80 pounds and come back in a year" because I "wasn't even a candidate for surgery at that weight." That's just one of my doctors. I'm constantly afraid that a symptom doctors write off as "Well you're fat, though" is going to end up doing permanent damage before a doctor cares enough to see past my fat. I'm afraid of not having access to affordable medical equipment because of my size, because apparently needing a few more inches of fabric or steel justifies doubling the price. I'm afraid if I am incapacitated, my family and friends won't be able to move me to safety, and ER doctors will treat me differently. I'm afraid my mother won't really believe it's a heritable connective tissue disorder until I'm still sick while thin, and she won't help my little sister take proper precautions to protect her joints as long as she can write off my symptoms as weight related. But I also feel really guilty about feeling so desperate to lose weight because I know all of this is such bullshit in the first place. I have to remind myself to be patient with myself because the American medical system really does have me in kind of a Saw situation here. What are you willing to do to be taken seriously by your doctor? Are you willing to hurt your own health to lose weight to eventually save what little quality of life is available to you? I'm not an assertive person. I do not have the energy or mental fortitude to argue with every fat shaming doctor I come across. In some specialties I might not even have the luxury to argue at all, if they are the only specialist of that kind available to me. The wait time to find new specialists alone is a problem. If I fired every one who fat shamed me, it could take me years to be properly treated. At some point it doesn't really matter how much I believe in body positivity. It shouldn't be this way, it's bullshit, unscientific, and completely unfair, but for now the medical system IS this way, so what am I supposed to do? And none of this is even counting smaller, everyday oppressions like uglier, more expensive clothing options, the visible disgust of my family and of random passersby, just fucking everything to do with planes... Sometimes it's just too much.

“The extent of the moral investment in the empirical measure of body size was particularly evident in the fact that many dieters were willing to compromise or sacrifice their health in order to achieve the ultimate sign of health–a thin body. Health was ostensibly the goal of the antiobesity movement and of individual weight-loss efforts, but studies showed that many people would be willing to forfeit health and longevity to attain thinness. One study found that 91 percent of 273 dieters surveyed would not take a pill that would increase their life expectancy if such a pill guaranteed that they would become and remain overweight. A survey of overweight and obese patients conducted in 2004 at Harvard Medical School revealed that 19 percent of overweight and 33 percent of obese people were willing to risk death for even a modest 10 percent weight loss, and many were willing to give up some of the remaining years of their lives if they could live those years weighing only slightly less. These studies may have reflected the fact that dieters were willing to die earlier to lose weight in order to live remaining years in healthier, more able bodies, but studies also showed that people were willing to trade obesity for serious physical impairments. According to one, five year olds would choose to lose an arm rather than become fat. These striking findings show that thinness operated as a sign of physical health and moral fortitude independently of other measures of health, and they suggest exactly how compelling the moral valence of body size was becoming.”

—

Biltekoff, Eating Right in America: The Cultural Politics of Food and Health (via heavyweightheart)

I think these kinds of beliefs also demonstrate how powerful anti-fat oppression can be. I don’t think people’s fear of being fat is just about health. It is also about the (correct) perception that being fat carries the burden of being stigmatized, negatively stereotyped, and discriminated against. And no one wants to live a life subjected to such treatment if they think they can avoid it. Fear of being fat is, in part, a fear of being treated the way fat people are treated. And that is not discussed often enough in the discourse about fat phobia.