#you don't even know how many people are rooting for your success<3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[jitterbugbear]

moving out moving on ♪♫

[clairedaring]

you mention that aelm is in your list of actors who are meticulous in their craft, can you share that list of actors of yours

hi nonnie :D

DISCLAIMER: this is just a very subjective list of young actors (young: born after 1990) who i think have really diverse and impressive performances. while not all my ult actors jj krissanapoom, up poompat... are present, i don't think of them any less. just that these are people who i've been most impressed with their transformation from one role to another.

1. NONKUL CHANON

I really will praise Nonkul every chance I get. I do think Nonkul is an actor who is constantly trying to hone his craft regardless of his experiece. I also like that as a member of THACCA, Nonkul is really active in initiating capacity building activities with his working group for the industry like these TOSAA roundtable discussions.

2. TOR THANAPOB

I love how much Tor relentlessly work with the thought of he could retire anytime soon. I remember earlier this year tracking to see which series has more filming queues (Nonkul's Mouse or Tor's My Cherie Amour because both series were over 70 filming queues). And yet immediately after MCA, Tor jumped directly into filming Spare Me Your Mercy so we could get it in November 28 (NEXT WEEK). He's just so hardworking and I love that these days he's been slowly picking his scripts so that his repertoire can be diversified (so he doesn't get boxed as the "actor who's only good at dramatic/intense roles). My Cherie Amour really proved that he's perfect for romcoms and I sincerely hope its successful performance has given him more confidence to do more comedy works in the future.

3. ICE NATARA

I've found in making this list and the actors whose performances have astounded me are often the ones who don't have too many projects at all, or they really take time to pick and choose their scripts. Even though he got his first start as a model, Ice has really proven himself through performances in GDH film One For The Road or Netflix TH series Delete. I seriously got a huge whiplash when I watched Delete because I couldn't believe the same actor playing that bulky villainous plantation owner is the same cancer-battling protagonist in One For The Road.

like allow me to just add one more gif because him filming Delete right after One For The Road is exactly the reason why Ice Natara totally deserved both the Suphannahong Award and Nataraj Award for these roles of his.

4. PEACH PACHARA

Born into the fourth richest family in Thailand, you'd think Peach Pachara wouldn't survive the nepo baby actor allegations. Oh but he did, not only did he survive, I think he's succesfully made a career for himself in doing everything that he loves like running his own snack business (anyone has tried his Potato Corner yet?), composing music scores for his series, and starring in whatever series he wants at his own pace.

Unlike the other actors on this list, I think Peach particularly excels at his "bad boy, asshole, occasionally with a heart of gold" character typecasting that I actually don't mind most of his roles being in the same color. Peach always gets the best characterisations for his roles so even if its a nonsensical comedy like Bat War or angsty lakorn like The Root or heist drama like The Believers, I can always trust Peach to deliver fully and exactly what his character promises in the first place.

just leaving these here bc he's such a sassy little rich dude. i adore him.

5. JAMES TEERADON

Love that James has been fully investing in his culinary journey for the past 3 years but he never really leaves us and sometimes come back with an interesting script. This year alone, we finally got James back in heist drama The Believers and time-loop romcom Love Stuck. Similar to others on this list, James really takes time choosing his acting projects but one thing I know is that he will never settle for an uninspiring script.

6. AELM BHUMIBHAT

My first introduction to Aelm was through 2019 GDH film Happy New Year. But it was actually his performance in Doi Boy that made me deep dive into his filmography and I'm just completely in awed of his acting methodologies and his chosen projects. Not always something digestable, often very niche and indie but Aelm is always killing his roles, an absolute scene stealer. His conversation with Pat Chayanit solidified him on this list for me. I can't wait for more fans to discover him through Spare Me Your Mercy. Personally though, I'm actually more excited to watch him play a cult-ish villain? in the Buddhist themed episode of Tomorrow and I (coming to Netflix this December 4)

7. UD AWAT

i don't think i need to say anything about ud awat. his series of posts (1, 2, 3, his goodbye post devastated me) talking about his transformation into Sorn for Doi Boy is testament to his love for acting. i'm actually forever grateful that Doi Boy came at a time when ud was considering leaving acting altogether because it truly "reignited [his] love for acting" for him and that passion in the film is just so palpable.

8. FILM THANAPAT

no words. i love this man. film is truly one31's most reliable leading actor. end of story. i don't think one31 will ever let him go but i do hope one day netflix thailand will score him for an original series because i sincerely believe he can bring even more to the table with a series that isn't written within the constraints of one31 script team.

honorable mentions: GEE SUTTHIRAK

I'd say Gee was my favorite discovery this year because I binged so much of his works like Sweet Sensory, Terror Tuesday: Extreme, The Cheery Lee Village Headman, The Betrayal, My Boo. My only qualm is that I don't think his other Workpoint lakorns (6th Sense Agency, The Scent of Hers) are that good but like they seem to love keeping Gee busy. Waiting to see Gee in Tomorrow and I, @ netflix thailand pls keep this man busy I beg

SKY WONGRAVEE

this cockroach scene alone earns him a spot on this list. ngl i would love to see him back in gdh led productions but i don't think we can get that back soon :')

BRIGHT RAPHEEPHONG

i feel kinda robbed that bright worked so hard this year, filming THREE projects consectively (two series and a film) but only the film came out. ch3 refuses to air his shelved lakorn as well. i have no hope for monomax in making his series available with engsub but i will definitely do my best in giffing his series with linn mashannoad and ken phupoom next year.

POOM PHURIPAN

the reason i hesitate adding poom in here is because i feel like his acting approach is still very instinctive and he hasn't really had many chances to develop his own methodologies to approaching his characters because his roles at ch8 were pretty much the same every time. it's really obvious that he's got potential and he just needs the right script, producers and director to bring out the acting skills he's gained from starring in dramatic lakorns. regardless, he obviously goes on the list because he's given my favorite acting performance of the year. period.

final note: you can very much tell that i'm biased because more than half of this list is gdh/nadao actors, but thank you for sending this ask nonetheless so i can share my love for these actors.

[landgraabbed]

hi Cat, can you share your thoughts/criticisms of DATV? i think the game is gonna flop.

hey nonners, idk. this is a complicated question. i mean, game's not even out yet so it's unfair to pass judgment on it. i can only judge bioware's approach to pre-release marketing. and i got a lot of thoughts on that.

honestly i think it will be a perfectly serviceable game and technically it will run well (i mean, it has been steam deck verified which tells me that performance was a big concern for devs). i don't think quality has much bearing on the love people can have for a game. and vice-versa. the people who are hyped to oblivion and want to preorder will like it. the people who hate it bc it has poc and queer and disabled characters will still hate it. people who analyze the game's mechanics and writing will dissect the game and be predisposed to finding things they dislike. over time opinions will mellow out and we'll see how the veilguard will be remembered.

i can't trust bioware to make an rpg that i will want to play after their last failures. different people will differ on where the string of failures started. from a quality standpoint my line is dragon age 2. me3 to me failed to deliver on the promise of the first 2 me games save for shining exceptions like the citadel dlc and javik. from a numbers standpoint the last successful game was inquisition which won goty in 2014 due to a serious lack of competition mostly, especially since witcher 3 was pushed back to 2015 (which pains me personally as that put it directly in bloodborne's path to goty in that year). thing is bioware seems to be doing all they can to avoid a flop. veilguard is bioware's hail mary after a string of failures. they are ditching the ea app to capture as many people as possible. the combat has fully careened into action, and although they keep telling us these will be the best companions ever, really, guys, the gameplay is more and more focused on the protagonist alone. the crpg roots of the series are getting cut down to attract a broader audience. perhaps at the cost of ostracizing some like me who enjoy the party-based, party-building mechanics like me.

how well this will go i don't know. on one hand i think bioware has been historically bad at showing the full scope to new and returning players. empress celene has been haunting the edges of the world since origins. the full grasp of her character is locked behind books. afaik some companions have been introduced already in supplemental materials. this sort of move didn't go well for ff15. on the other i think this game missed its window. the gaming landscape of today isn't the same as it was in 2014, and in 2014 the skyrim at home open world design was already outdated. i've been hearing about the crpg renaissance since 2016. i accompanied it. it remained a niche part of gaming until it didn't: baldur's gate 3 released last year to audience and critical acclaim. going forward i expect mainstream rpgs to take cues from bg3. and the mission based almost extraction shooter-esque design that veilguard seems to have might not land as well in 2024 as it would have in 2020.

eta: or it could go well, idk. morrowind and final fantasy were bethesda's and squaresoft's hail maries and saved those studios.

right now the marketing has missed the mark on me. it is patronizing and seemingly needs to punch down the previous da games to prop this one up. it concerns me that the game may be releasing in 2 months (as per jeff grubb) and we quite frankly haven't seen shit. just bioware telling us that trust me, these companions are deep. trust me, the combat is good. trust me, the city built on slave labor is totally the coolest one you've seen. everyone copies fromsoftware but they don't seem to learn to drop a trailer and shut up until they got more things of substance to show. and this isn't just a bioware issue.

[isagrimorie]

20 questions for fic writers

Thank you @curator-on-ao3 for tagging me!

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

48 stories

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

134,192 words

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Person of Interest, Life (NBC), Firefly, Doctor Who, Glee, Legacies, Fringe, Ranma 1/2, Once Upon a Time, Bunheads, Burn Notice, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Conversations with Dead People (Life, Sameen Shaw )- Shaw can see dead people.

Definitely, Maybe (Person of Interest, Root/Shaw) - It starts with a phone call.

Runtime Issues - (Person of Interest, Root/Shaw) - Root's on a deadline but she keeps running into one consistent problem.

Personal Day (Sameen Shaw, Root/Shaw, Person of Interest) - Shaw is taking a personal day, she's had it all planned. Cooked meal and Bear. But best laid plans are always thwarted.

Dodging Bullets - (Person of Interest/Mr & Mrs Smith Fusion, Root/Shaw) - On paper, Sam Shaw is a successful New York doctor in a stable relationship with a successful software consultant. In reality, Shaw is a Government assassin, a little bored with her stable relationship until a new mission starts shaking things up.

5. Do you respond to comments?

If I do, as much as possible, even though sometimes I feel repetitive thanking people for the comments.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I think it has to be Metamorphosis. Person of Interest -- a little bit of an AU to the finale. Proposing what if Harold didn't make it. But Shaw was there and Root!Machine to see him off.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think it might be the Life (NBC)'s Gethsemane.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I don't think so. At least, I hope not!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I am not confident writing smut, I only did it once in Life. I don't think I moved it from livejournal to ao3.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I do! I love crossovers! There's the one where Dani Reese and Sameen Shaw are estranged twins, unfortunately unfinished called Gemini. And a Person of Interest/Elementary crossover.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I... don't think so. As far as I know but I would welcome it!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Oh, I tried but I don't think I've ever finished one. TBF I hardly finish any fic.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

This is so hard to answer because this is... what you would call seasonal. Right now in Trek 90s phase, it's Janeway/Seven. Although I am a multishipper sometimes Janeway/Chakotay sneaks in.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The list is waaay too long. But there's Dodging Bullets, the Mr and Mrs Smith but Root/Shaw, the aforementioned Gemini. The Person of Interest/Elementary crossover.

The Hope/Lizzie Legacies AU where Lizzie decides to stay in season 4 and help Hope during the time Lizzie split from Hope.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I do get the character voices right.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I seldom finish a story, unfortunately.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

If I find someone who is fluent, I would want to consult with them.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

It was an anime called Zenki. It was written in a mix of Tagalog and English.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

There are several:

New Ground (Doctor Who, Rose Tyler) - Rose on Parallel Earth AU before it was jossed by Journey's End.

Six months after Norway, she's moving on and letting go.

The first multi-chaptered story I've ever finished.

Human Landscape (Life, Dani Reese centric)

the sound of the city tonight / keeps my dreams and my demons alive. Reese and Crews solve the murder of two young drug dealers.

The longest fic I've ever written, a Reese-centric story with case-of-the-week elements.

I'm still proud of this because I started the story with an idea and it went through as planned. It's also the first I wrote in a stream-of-consciousness style that would be the style for most of my Life story.

I had such a strong sense of who Dani Reese was and I was gripped with the desire to write Dani's prequel story. And I'm glad I did!

Metamorphosis - (Person of Interest, Harold Finch, Sameen Shaw. Finale AU-ish.)

Once, long ago, when he realized the Machine had handpicked Sameen Shaw to join their team, he found the notes Dr. Shaw’s Chief Resident wrote. It struck Harold how much of a small-minded fool the doctor was to let such a talented and brilliant woman like Shaw go. She was his doctor and he trusted no other doctor than Miss Shaw.

I just re-read this story and I am pretty proud of this. The title is from the Philip Glass music playing in the finale. I love Finch and Shaw's friendship, so I wanted them to have more scenes.

Also, I was never that convinced Harold escaped unscathed. He either escapes but as trade-off, he gets his father's illness, or he doesn't escape.

“I can’t move you, Harold.” There was an edge of frustration in her words. “If I’d made it here sooner–” Shaw never needed comfort nor assurances but Harold regretted… He regretted too many things. Over her shoulder, Harold fancied he saw a woman in Root’s form with a black belted coat. She smiled at him sadly and placed a ghostly hand on Shaw’s shoulder. Sharp and still. Harold placed his hand over hers, his hand was sticky from his own blood. “I understand, Miss Shaw.” Shaw finally stopped moving. She looked at him for a long, long moment, and then she nodded. Harold watched as she wiped her hands on her pants, pulled his glasses from his face, and cleaned them. Miss Shaw's features came to sharp focus when she returned them. And then she sat next to him.

Tagging: If anyone would love to participate, please feel free! Just pick it up and move it along!

And I'd like to tag a few names but please don't feel obligated to participate in this if you don't want to!

@terapsina, @tea-earl-grey, @coraniaid, @explosionshark, @mihrsuri,

[animebw]

So I'm gonna try not to make too many comparisons between Sunshine and School Idol Project, cause this is its own series and it can stand or fall on its own merits. But episode 3 is very clearly trying to recapture the magic of SIP's episode 3, with the group's first ever concert toward a mostly empty auditorium as the first big "Oh fuck, all is lost" moment before rallying to a triumphant finish and telling the disapproving student council president that they intend to carry on... and it's just so much weaker in every respect.

Part of that's the repetition itself. A huge part of what made SIP's empty auditorium gut punch work so well is it that it wallops you out of nowhere; none of the other characters bring it up as a possibility beforehand, and while you probably don't expect a very high turnout for this freshly formed idol group, the fact that nobody's there at first is genuinely shocking. And you can't capture that kind of shock a second time now that your audience knows to expect it. Sunshine tries to mix it up with a power line blowing mid-concert as well as the initial low turnout, but the impact just isn't there. Especially when the whole town shows up seconds later.

Which brings me to another point: even when Muse turned it around, their first event was still realistically miniscule. They could count the number of people at that concert on their fingers. But even that small level of support was enough to keep them striving onward and soaring higher until they became icons. Maybe it wasn't the most realistic zero-to-hero story ever, but it grounded their future success with a baseline of how far they had to grow to get to that point. The whole town showing up for Aqours' first concert, on the other hand? I'm sorry, no matter how close-knit a rural community might be, I don't but that much support for them right off the bat. I can't root for that success as easily because it doesn't feel nearly as believable. Muse made a sub-ten-person audience count feel electric; Aquors packing its stadium full just feels cheap.

And as for that big confrontation with the student council president... look, there's a difference between having that conversation in a mostly empty auditorium and having that conversation in front of an adoring audience. Eri and Honoka's talk made sense in context because they were basically the only people in the room anyway, but Dia's got a whole crowd of people listening to her rant about not liking idols. Imagine how fucking awkward it must be to be in the audience, cheering for these girls on stage, and all of a sudden this weirdo's pushing through the audience telling them they're not gonna make it? Like, what? It just doesn't make sense for Dia to try and have that debate right there and then, nor does it make sense for the audience to have no reaction to it beyond clapping for Aquors. It turns the people in that crowd into faceless window dressing instead of, well, people, and it shatters the reality of the moment just as much as such a big crowd being there in the first place.

(Also I could rant about Eri's reasons for disapproving of Muse making so much more sense than Dia's thus far but I will save that for another day)

Maybe it seems overly nitpicky to spend this many words on a single scene. But I need you to understand that Muse's first concert was the moment I started to love this series. The fact it was able to sucker-punch me so effectively, to make me feel genuinely upset for Honoka and genuinely relieved when they were able to keep their dreams alive, is what made me realize that Love Live might just be something really special. It's what made me realize this series could sink its claws into me and make me care so much more than I ever could have imagined. That scene matters to me. It matters to Love Live. And if Sunshine wants to end up more as than a derivative, it cannot rely on ripping off its predecessor's triumphs without the skill of its own to justify them. It needs to carve its own path without the shadow of School Idol Project hanging over its every decision. And the sooner it starts doing that, the better.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 5/2/2023

some stuff i fucking HATED in this one

listening

new K. Flay AND new LUNA AURA singles out last friday but the thing that kept me company through several walks was this (billboard called it "industrial rager" which seems fine close enough) used for the yellowjackets tv show (something i have not watched and never will).

my brain has really craved repetitive lyrics recently. not sure what that's about. not a repeated lyric, but love one that goes "lipstick on the rifle". spotify

ty discover weekly.

reading

pour one out for the real ones, Vice's leftist gaming vertical Waypoint. if you've ever liked anything about the way i go about these posts you have them to thank. i would say they are the primary influence in the way i try to approach things like "is this a clever subversion that still holds a lot of love for the genre or does this not even know the rules it's trying to break". also a big factor in me going "okay this is what it says it is, this is the marketing copy and press releases" and a work says it's trying to do before assessing whether or not they do it well. may all the staff land softly, elsewhere, paid far more.

“There are a ton of destinations within gaming media that do a great job covering whether a game is worth your money. Instead, we want to focus on telling stories about why people play, and investigating how the games we love and spend so much time with come to be. Whether a game was a commercial success or has a small, dedicated community, we want to raise the conversation and take an in-depth look at the passion, people, and politics that underpin these worlds.” -Austin Walker, editor in chief until last year

the very last thing i read was this review of the new starred wars game, whose early review code sent to journalists was EXTREMELY different than what ended up shipping. this is uncommon but not unheard of, but almost nobody publishes a "null result" review like this one and it's a fascinating breakdown

This piece has, admittedly, gone off the rails, but if this had been a straightforward review, and at the end, I put an italicized section that said “based on 10 hours,” what would you say? If I’d finished the game but confessed at the end that the patched version was importantly different from the one I’d spent my time with, what then? Which review is worth more?

i also read Behind the Sun, Above the Moon, a non-binary scifi/fantasy anthology. i was not impressed with this collection in whole or in parts. it could have benefited from a stronger theme and editorial vision (i'm not actually sure this thing had an editor, now i'm looking closer?)

this has billed itself "a Queer anthology inspired by magic and the cosmos". what i was hoping/expecting this would be: a collection exploring what it means to be nonbinary through the lens of scifi and fantasy. it actually is: an almost completely human-centric collection about people who happen to be non-binary and happen to live in scifi or fantasy settings.

the critical problem is that most of them are very slice-of-life in a fantastic setting as opposed to a short story with uhhhhhh a theme and a point it makes. the worldbuilding, while often interesting, is not integral. 3/9 of these are set in a contemporary setting, and all of them could be set in a contemporary setting without losing much. 3/9 (one overlap) feature a protagonist or deuteragonist who is a cop, and all three of those read very gay assimilation-y/feel very concerned with perfect gay rep.

i don't really expect anyone to be the next o henry here, but none of them are self-contained. not the sort of ambiguous ending in the Ha Ha Im Going To Think About This For The Rest Of My Life way, they all feel like “first chapter of a planned new adult trilogy”.

i love anthologies. i am always rooting for anthologies. i am no stranger to imperfectly written speculative fiction. this one is just kind of nothing? none of these are good or particularly enjoyable examples of the form, either as short stories or as speculative fiction.

i don't actually know what tipped me off to this book, it's been on my overdrive for...two years.

watching

two out of three Magnificent Seven sequels are not worth my time, your time, or anyone else's. i have not bothered to watch Guns of the Magnificent Seven (1969, dir. Wendkos) bc i have a finite amount of time on this bitch of an earth.

i reluctantly have to hand the original some heterosexual rights. that move had a genuinely cute romance that fit in well with a particular character's growth, even if it was lifted whole cloth from Seven Samurai. this will be relevant when we discuss this franchise's hatred for women later.

Return of the Seven/Return of the Magnificent Seven (1966, dir. Kennedy), starring exactly one member of the original seven, is so poorly paced that i paused the film during an "exciting" bullfight, got up to get more snacks, got distracted, and ended up cleaning my kitchen.

there is a great deal of untranslated, un-captioned spanish throughout this movie, including the entire opening sequence. i don't know how i feel about this. on one hand, yeah, fuck them americans, and i would not call the english-language dialogue particularly crucial to your understanding of the plot. on the other hand, what.

as opposed to the original seven all being men who are fairly polite and follow some sort of code, the replacement five are all kind of sleazy? one of them only signs on bc there's an entire village full of women on their own. in other relationships, there is the KERNEL of a really fascinating fucked up family dynamic between the villain and his sons, but we don't even get hints of that until well after the halfway point. this is the original movie but less interesting and sloppier. the camerawork and effects simply are not there.

The Magnificent Seven Ride! (1972, dir. McCowan) is a really, really awful film to watch, and not just if you're a woman. this whole fucking film uses three separate instances of rape or gang rape as plot momentum. if you are not trying to fill out lee van cleef's filmography (only a thing me and @birdcfparadise are insane enough to do) this is actively skippable.

like okay. let’s just walk through the first fifteen minutes. lvc's young, new, nubile wife convinces him to let a kid who robbed a store get off with a warning instead of what lvc really wants to do, send him to jail. in return, the kid shoots lvc, kidnaps lvc's wife, and rapes and kills her on the trail. the movie, which wasn't good to start out with, does not improve from there. like the other sequel i watched, this is the original movie but less interesting and sloppier.

the one interesting choice this film makes: one of the seven is a failed journalist tailing lvc, hoping to get enough life details out of him to write a book. this is a fun period-appropriate twist and this could have been a fun proto-revisionist western/gracefully put the franchise to bed, but here we FUCKING are.

why'd i do this to myself: liked the original, like lvc.

playing

the steam collections i'm sorting things into areworking, bc i forgot i owned Call of Juarez: Gunslinger (2013, developed/published Techland). i do not remember buying this, i assume it was $1.99 in a sale at some point. this is a silly arcade-y first person shooter.

i suspect it will be the kind of thing i play through once and then completely forget about, but i will have a fun ten hours-ish.

this is a personal problem, but the moment you give me a long-distance rifle, i want to play as stealthily and perfectly as possible. (except in fallout, where it is way more fun to charge up to enemies like a very small freight train with a shotgun). this game is simply not built for stealth. this game wants you to move constantly. i do like how enemies are encountered in little groups or knots, and don't come after you if you've cleared out one group and haven't hustled along to the next. enemy AI was simply not very sophisticated in 2013. this gives me time to meander around looking at everything and going "oh i coulda got up on that water tower" or "totally missed that barrel of dynamite".

i like how over the top but un-self-serious it is so far. competent shooter, fewer of the bells and whistles we expect from a FPS these days, but we don't really need to be fucking around with health packs and more than one kind of ammo for a gun. nothing's really annoying me yet and i haven't fallen deeply in love with it, so i don't have a ton of thoughts other than "huh this is a decade old video game with decade-old design sensibilities, which isn't bad just different". stay tuned!

separate thought: i do think that the game's artstyle is about as detailed as i ever want a game to get. nothing ever really needs to be more realistic than this. i do think we peaked in 2013 and what 2013 CPUs could handle. we have better raytracing and particles and whatnot now, but that's at the cost of eerily hyperrealistic games where there is little to no non-signage visual signposting. nothing is guiding your eye through a level, things (consumables, collectibles, etc) are very easy to miss. if video games are an art form you need to pick a thing your game looks like. make a stylistic choice for christ's sake. not this game though. it's doing okay.

making

made some fake meatballs (shut up) bc the giant bag of bargain store brand meatballs i used to practically live on have risen to $20 a bag. angel hair and meatballs are easy to acquire and easy to eat, even if they do generate many dishes to wash.

making my own is not much cheaper, and raw ground meat texture is one of the worst things in the world. plus i had some carrots and oats and lentils to use up anyway. this required more chopping than my hands cared for, even though i bought pre-juilenned carrots and just sort of roughly diced them. the texture is UNSETTLINGLY like real meatballs. that sort of spongy? bouncy? mouthfeel. the taste is, of course, nothing like real meat. they are a little crumbly in actual pasta, but oversaucing whatever noodles are at the back of the pantry will help.

no pics bc they look awful. eating a lot of various lentil sludges lately partly bc i am trying to clean out my pantry before i move, and when i could still afford grocery delivery they frequently gave me green instead of the far superior red lentils.

[thisdreamplace]

Dream, I trust you a lot, and sorry for dumping my mess in here but... I feel like I'm going through a lot lately and I'm confused as for where I stand. I feel like this year, a lot has been happening that has never happened before. For example, I feel like I've been getting my ego hurt a lot. I was someone who always believed a lot in myself (in my ego) and for example, lovewise, whenever I liked someone I always had this belief of "anyone I want, wants me" and it was always true for me. This year though, that belief has been challenged and I have been humbled real good.

I have a friend who's been triggering me a lot, not that she is doing anything, I have found I feel some sort of envy that I dislike, but I can't deny it. Something happened recently where a guy I had a crush on (it was not serious AT ALL, just a little crush), no one knew except for her and myself, and then we found out he liked my friend and not me. She started feeling guilty about it, but I was not angry at all (why would I be). Now I am angry because she's been pitying me and trying to "make me feel good" about something I didn't feel bad about. I feel ashamed? Because I can imagine her telling other people about it and pitying me because this guy likes her and not me, and that bothers me lmao.

Also about the envy, I feel like she's so effortless and everything is so easy for her, I know that I am always planning and overthinking and things do not seem to go my way, so it bothers me how she doesn't even try. It's funny because I have been on a spiritual path where it is constantly repeated that there is not effort required and then the proof (my friend) shows up in my reality and I am triggered af by it.

I don't want to feel this envy towards someone I am supposed to love and care about. She's been a very good friend and I'm feeling like a bitch. I just can't be happy when she's happy and I don't know how to change it. I feel like a horrible person.

And about the guy, I cried, not because of him, but because I feel like this year I have been put through so many moments where I am constantly being rejected, I don't know how to deal with it because I had never been rejected and I know we repeat "there is nothing to change, things happen in a perfect way" but then we also have revision. So I don't know what to do. I don't know how to differentiate acceptance from internalizing things that make me feel horrible. I feel victimized haha, and I feel like there's nothing I can do for me, except accepting victimhood. Omg I swear I am so confused and I feel so trapped 😭

hello <3

i'm glad you feel you can trust me. thanks for coming here to open up about your experiences and how you feel <3

i think that its veryyyy normal to go thru this phase in life where suddenly you're triggered by things that weren't triggering before. think about it, its really easy to not be triggered when everything goes well. and when its suddenly not going well... well when we easily waver like that, it shows that maybe we werent as confident, or secure, or trusting, etc etc as we thought. it allows us to deal with shadows that were buried deep, so that we can continue with experiencing the pure love and abundance that is there for us beyond those painful illusions.

comparison is the root of so much pain. that envy you feel is normal so give yourself a bit of grace here. we've all felt envious or jealous before in our lives and thats okay. the issue here is simple the way you see her and the way you compare yourself to her as if shes the pinnacle of success. but shes just living her life, and through that youre able to see where your own self beliefs are.

the thing is that if we can see people's wins as wins for ourselves and not something that works against us, we are able to manifest more lovely things for ourselves. here's some affirmations you could go off of to help you begin shifting your perspective: there is so much X for everyone ! including me ! (example: there is so much love for everyone, including me)

take it slow and let urself feel it out, bc trying to push down ur feelings never helps, it only encourages them to grow. so let yourself feel how you feel but don't settle with it. make the decision to, slowly but surely, shift your perspective on how things have been unfolding and begin anew.

its okay to feel like a victim for a little bit, to let yourself be engrossed in the drama and melancholy of that, sometimes its what we need. the thing is that you don't stay there forever, you give yourself a moment to feel it all out and you get to decide when you want to start again as someone who is choosing to actively believe in themselves and in their lives. i would say forget about revision here, bc revision can be more like an attempt at control when youre feeling so low, and when youre feeling that low and out of control, its best to surrender and accept where youre at so that you can move forward.

i hope this helps in some way ! <3

xo

[intern-seraph]

Hello. I hope you don't mind me asking. There aren't many Jewish people in my country and there never have been. I know very little of Jewish people and so do most of my countrymen. Because of the recent events I have had this, not even a conversation, just an offhanded remark, many times with many people: Why is it that the Jewish people are so hated? Why do so many people hate you? We genuinely don't understand or know. We have no hate for you, you are just people we don't know much about and don't really think about. Of course, we know about the holocaust and all that, but where does all this hate originate from? I'm honesty and genuinely confused. I'm really sorry that so many people hate you. I wish it weren't so.

<3 The confusion is understandable, and the answer likely won't help clarify much, because it's rather, uh, depressing. The following is a cursory summary of what, to my knowledge, are in the roots of antisemitism in its various waves and forms. This is the Wikipedia page on the history of antisemitism — yes, Wikipedia isn't the most reliable, but they cite their sources and this page has links to more detailed pages on antisemitism in specific regions and time periods— if you want to get in the dirt of it all. There are some parts I disagree with re: some of the descriptions of "New antisemitism", but the purpose of the page is to document it as an idea, not as an endorsement or as approval.

There is no reason, at least nothing actually rational or defensible (which is the nature of bigotry: it's irrational). It's because we're inconvenient (we're in the way, we're in the wrong place, we've become too successful where we live. which ties into...), we refuse to assimilate (we have maintained our traditions for thousands of years without giving in to larger cultural pressures to blend in, and thus disappear as a people), we were legally forced into certain roles that made us targets (the greedy Jew stereotype can be traced back to and was reinforced by Jews only being allowed to work as moneylenders and other money-related jobs considered "unsuitable" for Christians in Europe). Early antisemitism, back in the classical era, was ethnic. After Christianity, religious (but this cannot, of course, be separated from Jews being seen as a separate people (if people at all), so there was definitely ethnic components as well). When secularism started catching on, they latched on to more of the nonreligious canards ("Jews run the world", "Jews control the money", etc), but still linked Jewishness to being demons. Eventually it became racial (Jews weren't white or black but something Else (and certainly not full humans)).

These all still factor in to modern antisemitism — you've no doubt seen Zionist Occupied Government-type canards recently or accusations of (((Zionists))) running Hollywood or the banks or what-have you, most Jews have some story of being asked by a gentile "Where are your horns?", and you'd be hard-pressed to find a white supremacist who actually thinks Jews are white (they don't think we're human, really). Something consistent you'll see is the belief that Jews are foreigners no matter how long they've lived somewhere — before WWII, Jews in Europe were often told to "go back to Palestine", in fact. You can find photos of graffiti saying this exact phrase dating back to then. Those Jewish communities had been there for centuries by that point, and they considered these countries their homes. The feeling was not, of course, mutual.

I also hope that things change. Maybe one day, we'll be able to tell our children that this was the past, and now we are safe rather than safer. One can only hope.

[pockethep]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...

It took me a while to get past my top 3 because for some reason my mind blanked when it came to every piece of media I've ever consumed HOWEVER almost all of these characters are characters who could be considered my favorites if you ask me on the street do you like "x". They'll probably shift and change though but these are some off the top of my head.

Shigeo Kageyama (Mob) (Mob Psycho 100) - Mob Psycho 100 is a series I hold very dear to my heart, it is in my constant top 3 Anime/Manga (You will likely see the other 2 on this list) and Mob is my favorite character. He is a character that I rooted for every second of his screentime, who actually drove me to be better. The "Your Life is Your Own" message lead to me changing my college major. He's incredibly kind, sincere, and honest.

Grovyle (Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Explorers of Time/Darkness/Sky) A little story behind this. My first pokemon game was Red Rescue Team (not a mainline game but a spinoff) because my parents didn't know the difference. However I loved Red Rescue Team to the point of playing it until the in game timer broke. The sequel was better in every way. Grovyle is a character who embodies the notion that existence is temporary. There will come a day when all of us are gone. However instead of living in regret, fear, and selfishness he was willing to sacrifice his life for the greater good even though he wouldn't be there to see it. Using your life to do something incredible ensures your spirit will live beyond you.

Edward Elric (Full Metal Alchemist) My second favorite anime/manga of all time. His determination to fix his mistakes at the expense of his own body. he's one of my favorite older brothers in any media because of the lengths he's willing to go to right his wrong. There are many points in the series where anyone would've given up, especially throughout all the pain, but he kept going. Because he loved his brother. And I think that's beautiful. Also helps that he was written by a woman.

Every single character from Everything Everywhere All At Once but for this space Waymond Wang. A sneak hit that completely shook the leaderboard of my top ten movies, EEAAO succeeded in everything. But Waymond Wang stuck with me and still does. It's about how he shields the people he loves even though he was afraid, how much he loves his wife, how he fights so hard for her even though she broke things and was at times dismissive. His kindness was how he fought. How even at the height of his success, in every lifetime he would go to Evelyn. I believe in kind people because Waymond is a kind person.

Reigen Arataka (Mob Psycho 100) Another MP100 character but hear me out. He is likely one of my favorite anime/manga mentors. Rather than teaching Mob right or wrong he taught him choice. The right choice is good but you don't always have to go for that option. One of my favorite moments was him just telling Mob it was okay to run away. Something most other shonen don't do. He does all this while still lying about being an esper. But at that point I don't think Mob cares. Regardless of if he has power or not, he's a good person.

Maki Zenin (Jujutsu Kaisen) I don't even know where to start. Probably with the fact that she is one of the best developed female characters in some of the recent shonen manga I've read. Next the depiction of female rage, what she did to the Zenin clan deserves to go down in the history books. I live a girlboss and Maki checks every single boss.

Toph Beifong (Avatar the Last Airbender) This is my GIRL. I loved her when I was younegr and I still do. It is rare for a cocky, abrasive, girl character in a TV show to not be humbled or bashed or fridged. She was so unabashedly Toph. The best earthbender in the world who didn't let blindness get to her. She created metalbending. Who else was doing it like her. She's such a strong character and a role model for me.

Denji (Chainsaw Man) A somewhat new edition to the list but as someone who went from Fire Punch to Chainsawman, he deserves a spot as my favorite Fujimoto character next to the girls from goodby Eri. Denji's story is about what happens when someone is so deeply denied humanity. On all levels he's had it stripped from him for the benefit of all his abusers. To the point where he thinks its correct. That he'll be happy if he's used. By everyone he tries to get close with (Reze, Makima) he is considered a resource to exploit which is why his change of heart in the last few chapter was so cathartic. He recognized his own humanity and the abuse that he had previously endured and started to act more selfish as a human. Perseverance in the face of suffering will ultimately lead to happiness.He's also not a traditional anime perv as many would label him to be, he is surprisingly well versed in consent.

Eleanor Shellstrop (The Good Place) This spot almost went to Chidi HOWEVER I related more to Eleanor. Something that always got me about The Good Place was its depiction of honest people. Eleanor was realistic, she was rude, selfish at times, but in the end she wanted to be better. That's what made her a good person. She wanted to earn a spot in The Good Place and watching her work for that spot and then work to eventually fix the good place was very satisfying.

Percy Jackson. (Percy Jackson and the Olympians) No elaboration needed. That's my boy. This series has been a staple in my life, even when I moved away from Harry Potter Percy "Backtalk the Gods" Jackson was still my boy. He chose his girlfriend over a seat in Olympus I don't think I need to go further.

[priestess-of-yuri]

Dear Alice the witch,

It's me again. I am returning with the intention of seeking advice from you, from the cards, and from the spirits.

This time, it's a deeper issue, related to multiple events, one of them is somewhat related to my previous ask.

Everytime I love someone, they reject me romantically and actually insist on keeping me as a friend(it's hard, especially when they've loved me in the past). And viceversa. I've struggled in the recent months, when almost all my friends were in relationships ( they all either broke up, or ended in a drama), but I felt like the worst person on Earth, even if there were many single people, and such situations happened to anyone.

But in the last few days, I've been reminded of those feelings when my uncle told me he is dating someone ( A while ago, my parents suspected his interest towards a woman, a colleague of his.) While I am happy for him (he's been a celibate ever since I know him, expect a few instances), it feels like I've been stabbed with a knife in the back, because it reminds me how lonely I truly am.

My questions are - What are some possible reasons as to why this has happened to me for years, even for friendships during my childhood, and possible actions I can take, either to heal myself, or to be more appealing romantically?

You've done a fantastic job for my previous situation, and I would be truly grateful if you can answer this one too. If you can't, or feel uncomfortable, since you're aroace, or because my questions do not adhere to the rules, it's totally fine. I just wanted to have some clarity.

Thank you once again for everything, and I am so happy to see you being so thrilled!

hello again there my lovely loyal follower :3 i took quite a bit of time with your reading because i was waiting for the right time. thank you kindly for your patience 🦋🍃✨💕

for your tarot reading, i asked "what are the possible reasons for you getting rejected?"

7 of Pentacles -- this is a card with a message of "you are almost there." you are wildly successful already, and your roots are growing. this could be a sign that your past with people is a reflection of your growth thus far, and you're encouraged to keep going. what are your true intentions? if what you are harvesting is not what you have desired, what needs to change?

Queen of Cups in reverse -- this is a huge sign that you are out of touch with your emotions. you're feeling insecure because you're concerned about the way this has become a pattern for you. you're suppressing your heart. and this only hurts you; your way to your truth is by listening to your emotions and understanding that they are not there to cause you suffering. pain is not your enemy. if it hurts, that's your alarm system telling you your needs aren't being met. delve deep into the waters of subconscious. trust in yourself, in your emotions. they're there to guide you like a compass. they're there to give you information and a general direction for you to take action. the more you trust, the more you feel, and the more you listen, the better you'll get at reading the waters, the air, the earth, the fire. the emotions, the thoughts, the body, the willpower that make you up. your emotions are the key to understanding it all, and to greater spiritual enlightenment.

The Moon -- this is a Major Arcana card casting a theme over your reading, and it's giving you a message much like what i read in your last card! fancy that :'D when you face uncertainty and confusion, you don't need to struggle. dive into the darkness instead, and let yourself drift under the moonlit waters. you can have faith and trust in the way that you're safe here. there is magic here, too. you won't be lost in the darkness if you allow yourself to see what the moon illuminates for you. if you allow yourself to listen to the whispers of your intuition rather than the screams of your anxiety, and drift to the surface of the waters to be enveloped again in the bright, beautiful moonlight. in illumination. you don't need to be afraid, because nothing inside you is your enemy. you are intrinsically whole and made up of shadows and light. you are human. you are lovable.

9 of Wands -- this is a message of "go for that final push." your latest hurt isn't a sign of failure. it's not a sign that you're losing yourself or distancing yourself further and further from your truth. on the contrary, you've actually achieved so much. you can rest easy at night knowing that what you've been through can be processed to lend you strength. it comprises your shadows and your light. you can go further, you can trust in one final push and know that the Universe will have your back.

The Emperor in reverse -- this second Major Arcana cards paints a picture that you have power, but you may not be utilising it well. perhaps you have a desire for control, or even have stubborn mindsets. whatever the case, you don't need to rule with an iron fist. soften your hands, and build your empire on a foundation of kindness and unconditional love. that's where true power and strength comes from, from vulnerability. trust in your emotions, and forge your own destiny. work with the people in your life or that enter your life by listening to their needs and wants, and maybe you'll get what you need and want too. unpack your hurt, let it be heard, and then open your heart to the world. it may be scary at first. it may never stop being scary. but you are protected under the Universe's light, and you are always loved.

King of Swords -- this seems to represent your potential. you can become a king that rules with logic and reason, blending spiritual and material pursuits in your own path. knowing the way rather than feeling the way. this could be your calling, to realise your potential of someone who can understand others and themselves and the right path forward.

for your oracle reading, i asked "what can you do?"

Activated Earth -- this is a card of learning to trust where you're led. are you being called to visit somewhere? to travel? many believe that the sacred places along the Earth's surface can activate something inside us, and something inside the Earth too. maybe this isn't a literal journey that you're being called to, but a journey of the self. a pilgrimage of the soul. maybe you need to trust where you're led by the Universe, rather than always relying on logic. try seeking a middle path -- balance is true and right.

The Golden Children -- The Golden Children (Children of the Sun) are highly advanced beings said to reincarnate on Earth with little to no karma and possess incredible abilities. this card is calling you to tend to yourself, to your own inner child. it's asking you to nurture yourself with tenderness, with unconditional love. you deserve it, and you always have. see yourself blossom under your own light, and then ask yourself a question. "how can i treat others this way?"

A New Earth -- if you have a vision, this card is a sign to hold onto it. it's hard to trust in a vision before it has come to fruition! but the world needs dreamers in it. it needs people with hope. trust in yourself, and in your abilities. you can realise your potential and you can have the kind of relationships you want. have faith in yourself, in the Universe, in others. it's never wrong to hope.

Inner Earth -- this card speaks of ancient places like Lemuria, Atlantis and Āryāvarta that went to a mysterious, subterranean place within the Earth when they were "lost." it also speaks of solutions and beginnings that are beyond your sight. because these lands... are they in the physical, or are they in the subconscious? perhaps what you need right now is to shake things up. you could be stuck or in a rut, but solutions and beginnings are always within reach. you just need to find a way to access them. so try doing something you wouldn't normally do to shift the energy, shift your focus -- and perhaps you'll come to what you need like magic.

I'm Sorry -- this is your calling to drop your defences entirely. be vulnerable, first with yourself and acknowledge what has gone wrong, and then with others. we live in divisive times. it can feel like a personal attack when we are hurt or triggered rather than an opportunity for healing. know that it's understandable to behave in hurt -- you're human -- but it's not conducive to healing yourself or others. this isn't about blame -- it's about unwinding the patterning that got us here. what can you do to acknowledge the hurt you've inflicted on others and yourself? personally, ancestrally, and collectively? how can you heal?

thank you so much for seeking help from me a second time!!! i hope this serves you well. please remember to write as much feedback as you like on my site. 💕🦋🍃✨

[trashlie]

hey, i'm that anon that sent you the long message about FP 215 and 216 a while ago, thank you for giving such an elaborate response. and i hope you get plenty of time to relax and catch up on sleep, make sure to drink lots of water! 💗

i'm dropping by to bring up a couple of points for your consideration, if you don't mind. just something i've been thinking about lately.

i absolutely agree with you that kousuke doesn't really want nol out of his life. in my opinion, the reason is not guilt or jealousy or loneliness (i bet he'd 100% prefer being an only child even if his siblings were born in wedlock, also he's had a friend group in college, so he is/was capable of making friends). the reason for it is fear. 1) fear of disappointing father - since kousuke is nol's 'guardian' and if anything happens to nol, it'll be a 'failure' on his side and strain his relationship with rand. 2) fear of losing control - nol being gone = out of reach = out of his control = unpredictable = more of a threat. and we know how much kousuke needs to control everything in his life. 3) fear of losing a part of his identity - being 'better' than nol has become a big part of who he is. kousuke is nothing without his name, the company, etc. similarly, traits like being the better, smarter, more successful brother, the golden child, the 'rightful' heir have all become a part of him thanks to nol. kousuke can only achieve those by bringing nol down to push himself up. he needs nol to remind him of those traits, and he needs nol so he can look better compared to him to other people. and i believe he subconsciously realizes this, and hates nol even more for it.

in general, a lot of kousuke's behavior and the main reason for kousuke's mental state is that he's being eaten alive by his fears. fear of failure, fear of disappointment, fear of his image being damaged, fear of not being in control, fear of being exposed, fear of being nothing, fear of losing everything etc. some of those fears are made up and/or planted by yui (like disappointing his father, or nol being the enemy), but to kousuke, they're very much real. and if kousuke's going to grow, dealing with those fears, and recognizing the root causes of them (there's multiple), will be a big part of it. for now, in his current state... it seems to me like he's completely overwhelmed and craves safety more than anything, and well. yui is right there. idk if the brothers can ever reconcile tbh... it seems to me that nol hasn't completely lost hope in his brother yet, so it'll completely depend on kousuke.

and good point, you're probably right about nessa protecting nol from yui until she couldn't anymore, i didn't think of that, thanks for pointing it out! we still know so little about nessa and yui both, it's going to be really interesting to learn more about them...

AAAAHHHH hello Nonny! I've been looking forward to you coming back! Also thank you! I am trying my best!!! This week has not been my best but at least my brain is feeling less sluggish, so there's that at least!

Also I have got to say, reading this message made me feel really weepy. I think it's obvious, but Kousuke is a character I've come to be just as invested in as I am in Nol and Shinae and now Alyssa, and I think you hit the nail right on the head. I think because of the way Kousuke has treated Nol, and his apparent privilege coupled with his less than savory personality, a lot of readers just kind of... dismiss him. And to some degree, I get it. Kousuke is rarely doing himself any favors to endear the audience to him - but that is what makes him such a fascinating character. The story proves that privilege and opportunity alone are not enough, but it also shows us that people do not exist in a vacuum, and that everything they do is impacted by and also impacts something else.

And you're right - it does come down to fear, and there's a reason fear remains a prevailing emotion/driver in many stories. I think man vs man conflict so often comes down to fear, it's the root of a lot of ugly emotion. Jealousy stems from it - a fear that someone has something you don't, that maybe you'll never come to possess yourself.

I think there's a lot to be said of formative foundations. Had Kousuke been older when he learned of Nol, had he received security and love and comfort from his parents, maybe we wouldn't be here. But it was when he was young enough to be influenced, when he was so lacking in his father's love, and to learn that this boy knew there existed a side to Rand that he himself had never met? It never registered to him that Nol had never actually met him because fear came crashing down - all those rumors people were whispering about him were true. Rand, the man too busy for his own son, too busy for his own family, had a whole other family, and they knew a version of him that he'd never gotten to meet. It took root in him at such a young age all it could do was grow with him like a weed. He had no way to know otherwise!

And something that really fosters all that fear IS the fact that he endured that kind of neglect. On some level, Kousuke knows what Yui does. He's gone to great lengths to try to keep his life private from her so she doesn't interfere. He was rightfully upset when he realized she'd gone behind his back to hire Shinae (and under such false pretenses, too!) and upset about the birthday antics. But he still went to her when he found out Nol might leave, that he might have a one up on him. He knows Yui is horrible, but she's also his only pillar of security. She's also the one who fosters that sort of false reality he lives in, because it's only there that he has that security. When facts and logic counter what he believes, he loses control, and he retreats into the version of reality he knows, because that's the only place he feels safe. I think that's a big reason why he cannot face the truth, why he so often finds himself rewriting accounts of things that happened - he cannot handle the unsettling dissonance between what he believes and what is so.

What a driver fear is, too! On some level, I think Kousuke might be aware of that connection of his identity with Nol. Perhaps not on a conscious level, but I think subconscious he reacts to Nol leaving for exactly that reason - without Nol to serve as a metric for which to measure himself against, how can he be sure he's better, he's the best? As much as Kousuke's identity is wrapped up in trying to please his father and earn a transactional concept of love, it's also wrapped up in being Nol's guardian - which, as you point out, is just an offshoot of not disappointing Rand. I definitely agree, too; it just makes that resentment stronger. Wouldn't you feel a little self-loathing, too, knowing that you can only see your greatness if you see how you measure against someone else? Living and believing this person you are constantly trying to be better than might know something you don't, might have been privy to something you never were? Acknowledging that he tears down Nol because a part of him doesn't trust that he can lord over him unless he does, that maybe he COULD best him?

It makes such COMPELLING storytelling! Once you can see Kousuke from this angle, it makes sense - why he can't stop trying to drag Nol down into his pit, why he stumbles on reality and has to rewrite things, why he's so desperately in need of control. It's so easy to say that Kousuke should know better because he's an adult, but one of the loudest, flashiest messages of ILY is that age does not make someone any better lol. Wisdom doesn't come with age - it comes with experience and also humility. There's no room for that in Kousuke's life and his experiences definitely are lesser than others. He's surrounded by people who tell him what he wants to hear, who just make nice with him to get by and maybe see if they can take advantage of their proximity to him. What experiences does he have, outside of those with Nol, that can drown out the fear he's living with?

Something someone brought up on reddit was that Kousuke was, for the most part, pretty "chill" (lol chill for Kousuke that is) when we first met him at the start of the story. Okay, let's nix that, he DID trip Shinae for a piece of cake LMAO but that brings me to what I'm getting at. When the story opens, it feels like Kousuke isn't around Nol nearly as much. He has an informant in Soushi which allows Kousuke to keep tabs on Nol without needing to be involved, and he's at a sense of peace. When we see him interacting with Shinae, while he's definitely cold and blunt, he does try to treat her with some regard of respect after Shinae essentially saves his hide by keeping Nol's date-rape drink a secret. Now we certainly can argue that this is because Kousuke feels he is indebted to Shinae, but I think it's also because when he has less of that stress going on, when he has a clearer mind that's not so cluttered with his fear, he has room to be the gentleman he wants to believe he is, to be the person he hopes will make Rand proud.

But it's once Kousuke gets re-inserted in Nol's life - the hospital after the masquerade, Nol coming to work for the week, the entirety of the black and white formal - that's when we start to see all the cracks forming and watch Kousuke slowly start to lose that control and spiral. Nol coming to work was the real curveball for him. Not for one minute did Kousuke expect Nol to take work seriously, but worse, he never anticipated that Nol would be so good at it or that his people skills would illuminate a jarring truth that Kousuke had blinded himself to. From that very moment, Kousuke enters a grappling battle to maintain his role. It's not enough to be the heir - it's about impressing Rand, it's about earning some transactional love, it's about fulfilling a duty that he takes too seriously, it's about ensuring that he is not lost. I think to Kousuke you are in one of two places: either the light or the shadow, and you cannot share them. If Nol is in the light, that relegates Kousuke to the shadows, so compelled by fear, he starts on his quest to sabotage Nol, so that his own weaknesses are not illuminated by the points where Nol shines.

Aaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!! I really do have SO MANY thoughts and feelings these days about Kousuke and especially Kousuke and Nol, and the ways they are impacted by their families, the ways their circumstances pit them against each other. Kousuke has become a character I WANT to find his way, because I WANT him to be freed from the effects of his family and especially free of their control. I think your third point is SO VERY IMPORTANT because WHO is Kousuke outside of all of this? Who is he outside of Hirahara Heir, outside of besting Nol? He definitely knows there is something hollow and empty inside him - he wouldn't have to convince himself that he wants this career, that he wants to move to Japan, that he wants to do this if that wasn't true. He's so afraid that there is nothing more to him than the husk of a boy who is so desperate for his father's love, who tore others down for something that he ultimately never received, and frankly I cannot blame him for wanting to hide that and avoid facing it lol but I DO want to see him face that. I want to see what kind of person he decides to be outside of everything if he gets that chance. I say "gets that chance" but it's definitely more that he needs to actively come to that conclusion, but it's hard to imagine at this point what it will take for him to get there.

I don't think there's a lot that a conversation with Rand can do - though I do think that's highly necessary, if only to put everything in the open. I would love for Kousuke to get the chance to be honest with Rand, and not while being drunk leaving a voicemail or anything, but that's a big, big step. It goes against everything he's worked towards, goes against the very things that drive that fear. But I want to see him reach that point where he can tell Rand pointblank the ways he failed him, the way everything he ever did was because he just wanted that love and look at him, look at how he turned out! aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!

I'm also inclined to believe the same as you re: Nol. I know Nol made it sound like he's absolutely done with Kousuke - and I certainly don't think he'll be welcoming him with open arms any time soon lol - but I think much like us as readers, much as characters like Hansuke and Yujing, I think Nol wants to see Kousuke break himself free. Let go of Rand, escape the sordid security blanket that is his relationship with Yui, and find himself. Become his OWN person. I think Nol will be more receptive to Kousuke when he can finally do that. Because again, as established, so much of Kousuke's personality thus far is just being better than Nol, is just trying to earn Rand's affection. But what does he do for himself? WHO is he? I think that's what Nol is waiting for and I don't think we'll see any kind of amicable relationship until that comes.

AAAHHHHHHHH this is so long lmao but MAN I have so many thoughts and feelings about this and I LOVE getting to talk to people about Kousuke when they can see these aspects of him. In an intriguing way, both Nol and Kousuke are driven by fear, right? Nol lives in fear of himself, of whatever guilt it is he carries. He carries this fear that he is a harbringer of doom and harm, that association with him will only get people hurt, that getting too close and caring too much is damning people, so he spent his life wearing a mask, trying to keep others at bay, trying to coast by and hope maybe, MAYBE he could absolve himself of whatever that guilt is by helping others. And when he got too close, when he started to care too much, he ran away, he lashed out, he took up a new facade. He's denied himself anything he wants or anything that brings him comfort out of fear. But where Nol's fear is internal, Kousuke's is so completely external. But at the end of the day, they are both driven by fear. Nol, I hope, will come to terms with the reality that he DOES have safe spaces. Nana loves him and wants to help him, wants him to live, wants him to find enjoyment. Shinae has proven what a caring friend she is, that even after the way he tried to ghost her and the guys, she still keeps coming back. But Kousuke doesn't quite have that support system Nol does. Or, rather, let me take that back. He does, he's just not aware of it and can't see it for that. He's so blinded by what he's lacking in a parental way that he can't see that Hansuke is the one person in the world who absolutely 100% has his back, and I think in time, depending on the choices he makes, he could find that in Yujing and Meg, both. (I think there is SO MUCH room for Meg and Kousuke to eventually be friends with a similar dynamic to him and Shinae - where she is no longer so besotted or obsessive and she can call him out when he's being y'know, Kousuke, where he can develop respect for her as a person. I want it SO badly lmao I want SO BADLY for him to come around on her!)

Basically a very important thing I think is: neither Nol nor Kousuke have that family relationship with their parents. Nol lost the one parent who ever gave him warmth and comfort, and I don't think Yui sees Kousuke as a son so much as an extension of himself. I think found family is the way to go for them. Nol has it, if he's willing to let them be that, if he can swallow his fear and let them be there for him. I think Kousuke could have it, too, if he, too, is able to let go of his fear. AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I told you, just nonstop FEELINGS over here lmao thank you for always indulging me and my longwinded responses ;~; I just get SO EXCITED to talk about this, and especially to have these conversations who think so similarly about Kousuke and don't immediately go "throw him away he's irredeemable trash" lajfkafjkafjkaf lmao like fine for people who have those opinions but I just wanna dig into why these characters do the messy shit they do LMAO

[thewingedmuse]

On Shadow Work - A Brief Guide

It is a shame to ever let negative emotions like anger, envy and victim mindset ruin a passion that brings you joy.

Do it because you love it, not to fill in that void that's deep in your heart, forever screeching for senseless egoistical fulfillment. This applies on everything - that date you go on to ease loneliness, that thing that you know isn't right for you, that validation you've wanted for so long.

Filling this void is not what you need to do. Finding out the source of this void is what you need to do. This is where shadow work comes in.

1. Admiting fear and allowing vulnerability is how you can gain strength.

Heavy emotions are a pain, aren't they? Identify that emotion you are feeling. Don't shun from it. Even if you shun from it at first it's fine. It is terrifying. It does feel like that monster under the bed. Admit when something terrifies you. That's the first step to seeing yourself clearly.

2. Feel it in its full extent to fully understand what ails your mind, and what the root is.

Back to that emotion we go. Feel it beat through your heart, feel it in all its pain and feel the memories it brings up. Be its listener in a world that tries to silent emotions. Does it feel familiar? What is its root? Is it fear? Is it self victimhood? Is it intended? Is shame involved? Do you see a pattern? Does it make you feel like you are never gonna see the success other people have?

Tip: You might wanna keep a diary to keep track of your observations. Shadow work is training yourself to see into the dark pits of your mind. It requires practice, so keep on going even if it's difficult at first.

3. Heal and let go. No matter what our past selves had done, we let go of them so that we could let go of ourselves.

Now that we know, that's when we heal. There are so many ways of healing our inner selves, and whichever way you use has to be compatible with how your mind works. For example if you are a visual person like me - putting your hand on your chest and telling your heart affirmative words, visualising it healing with every word, every bit of energy you put through - would be pretty useful.

If you are an analytical sort of person, then you might find it more effective to write a letter to yourself, reflecting on all the ways you have been and all the things you have learned, where to move forward from now, detailing your motivations, giving yourself a pep talk no one else but you who are going through this could give.

We are only speaking this in theory right now. If you feel you are ready, then take the plunge forward and see for yourself which methods work best for you. If you are into energy work, then all the more better, because self-healing is essentially directing healing energy towards yourself. The most important qualities remain to be patience, compassion and empathy.

I hope you all have a wonderful day and an even more wondrous night.

With Love,

Ribbon 🎀

[iteh3xael]

Witchcraft Ask Game

What drew you to witchcraft?

Old bestie in HS was into it (we bonded over Charmed) and then had a REALLY weird series of run ins once I graduated college and did some psychedelics. Remembered I used to lucid dream and was fascinated by the Christian Book of Revelation as a CHILD and that kind of all merging into the queer pagan I find myself today.

2. Do you follow a specific witchcraft tradition, or are you eclectic?

I have a whole theory on DND and how witchcraft plays into that and how we basically are imbued with the power of our namesake and then the rest of kind of based on whatever you're exposed to and I'm not saying crystals will straight up give you super powers but like, runes have meaning and maybe don't fuck the stalachtite

3. Do you believe in the Threefold Law or karma in witchcraft?

There's something to be said about consequences to actions and the 2nd Law of Newton (equal and opposite) and 1st Law of Thermo (energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transferred) that definitely applies. FMA also taught me about fucking with life and death magic and you gotta be REALLY careful with what you ask for because the universe is VERY finicky.

4/5. What advice would you give to someone who feels called to witchcraft but is unsure where to begin?

Gonna self plug a post here about things I wish I knew when I started (everyone actually practices to a degree, it's just become really archaic to exist in a present fashion while also embracing the wonderment of things like dreams.

6. Have you ever had a dream or vision that felt prophetic?

Used to! Don't as much but I think it's a skill. Some people naturally have premonitions through dreams and mine are more like vivid intrusive thoughts that play through my head and I have to figure out which is actually useful.

7. What do you think of Aleister Crowley?

Ngl had to Google who that was because I don't really follow many contemporary people and knew he was a "magician" of sorts but I don't take any stock in orgs like the Free Masons or even Satanism even if I think there's probably ~something~ there. He was clearly smart enough to make it work but idk how much is just really smart social engineering (he was a spy, afterall) and a smattering of esoteric networking that led to him being fairly successful at whatever his craft was

8. Do you think witches can create their own deities?

So... I think witches occupy a kind of weird realm/dimension (on my scale it's on like, the 6th degree akin to the "inverted" dimension where we would think of them being akin to IRL angels) and so our calling is rooted in whatever incarnation pulls from original sources. Our names have power and "create" the source of inspiration (deities, gods, spirits, w/e) hence why we "choose" them when "coming out" as a way of embracing our sense of servitude to a higher being outside of our general sense of self.

9. How do you feel about people worshiping deities from pop culture?

Sure, why not lol.

10. What’s your opinion on the idea that "all magic comes with a cost"?

Ohhh yes yes yes. Hence why I affirm that people need to be serious about their approach to science as magic is just when science and art come together perfectly (think of siren's and their songs, beauty inspiring wars, love SAVING people).

11. What’s the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to you during a spell?

For years, I had never done a spell with another person before and kind of just fucked around and using objects that I figured would have SOME use, I just didn't know what for.

For instance: there was this ridiculous rubber ducky I got from some rando woman at a hotel from a work thing I was at in bumfuck Pennsylvania where she basically FORCED it upon me after I literally said no and tried to give it back but they were SO insistent despite being a complete stranger. I HATE having useless shit and usually just throw it away immediately but I didn't want to be rude so I threw it into my bag and kind of forgot about it.

Anyway, fast forward to me visiting my old bestie (mentioned prior) talking about The Craft while I'm unpacking my bag and how I never could seem to figure out spells while at the SAME time, being like "Oh hey! Do you want this rubber ducky?"

They flipped their shit because, there is a VERY particular spell about rubber duckies and not just finding one, a portion of the spell reads:

"...presented by hand, in a way that's select

a peculiar find, to earn the craft's respect"

and since then we did a spell about keys that still kind of haunts me to this day so uh... be careful y'all lol

12. If you could cast one spell right now, what would it be and why?

A relationship healing spell. Any help would be greatly appreciated. <8

13. What’s your belief on the afterlife, and how does it affect your spiritual practices?

I definitely think there's another realm out there and I try to just be present with what comes my way since this reality is already full of surprises. I really don't do any major spirit work because I kind of have a deep seated respect where the sense of awe is a bit terrifying so I just kinda see where it takes me and ask mindful questions.

14. What’s your opinion on the importance of connecting with the land in witchcraft?

Plz touch more grass lol If the elements of the Earth (AT LEAST FOUR of them aren't present when approaching a situation, you might need to recenter.

15. How do you feel about using magic to influence others?

Whether we like it or not, magic will ALWAYS be used to influence (literally just think of money or words as a concept). We have a duty to be responsible wielders for we are practitioners in a Dark Art that has a reputation for being misconstrued as evil. Embrace all the shades and don't be shy from the glimmers from the light :3

16. What’s your opinion on hexing or cursing?

I would advise against it though my namesake literally deals with them so uh, just be wise.

17. Do you believe in spiritual psychosis?

I want to say yet but honestly unsure of the full scope of the question so... TBD?

[ritamaryley]

Spiritual people seek the absolute truth.

My opinion:

Absolutely truth is too painfull and disappointing. People don't like the truth even the spiritual people are looking for it. I think that they are looking honesty and intimazy. Even I don't like tho hear painfull truth and ask some spice to that information so it's easyer to take like metaphor.

Most often people who ends up into spiritual path had so tradic past (or boring) that they don't have options to go back. Some of them are running and others slowing down and enjoying the view.

So the first one's looks answers that would make their pain go away and after disappointment they switch immediately to another one without integrating. It might work but they keep missing the point by rushing. Symbol of this coin could be the rabbit.

Meanwhile the slower person keeps trying believe everything they hear and keeps stagnated into false believes and practises, because someone told them it works. They might be so afraid that they are afraid to press gas. Instead of that they keep second questioning everything without starting anything. The flip side of this coin is turtle who is wise. How to become the turtle who knows the truth?

The rabbit apologized to the turtle, admitting his mistake. He learned a valuable lesson that day: never underestimate anyone, no matter how weak or slow they seem to be.

They hope that truth will set their soul free. But it isn't easy to listen someone that gives answer that doesn't make you happy. So that's why spirituality is to meditate and look inwards instead. But even meditation can be distraction from the truth.

I would like to use Reality instead because truth makes things more mystical.

But this symbolism made me think more about the Rabjit and Turtle story's hidden meaning. Here's some more so you can compare it with spiritual path:

It's good to be individually brilliant and to have strong core competencies. However, one person can only achieve so much. If you are able to work in a team and harness each other's core competencies, the sum of whole will be greater than the sum of parts. Teamwork is mainly about situational leadership, letting the person with the relevant core competency for a situation take leadership. 

To sum up, the story of the rabbit and tortoise teaches us many things.

(1) The fast and consistent will always win the slow and steady.

(2) Know your strengths and weaknesses. Leverage on your strengths and minimize exposure to your weaknesses.

(3) Pool resources and work with a team. The sum of the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.

(4) We learn more from failures than successes.

(5) Compete against the situation - not against a rival.

(6) Situational leadership is an effective way to leverage on one another's strengths.

So.. Is success the truth ? Or is failure the truth because sometimes it isn't fun to hear?

For me truth is always success even if it's feedback or critiquing my skills. Because seeing all the failure made me good with art and communicating. Failure is success also but signals of something THAT I can evolve.

The truth is not to be perfectionist.

Keep living and see how trees are doing it.

The only race they take with each other is growing tall and making huge root system.. And still they might get fallen, parasites eaten them, or thunder makes them burned... And even then, they keep growing.

One truth might me that living material world is painfull and you have to get used to it.

You will find your way.

[liliumwallichianum]

Dear D,

I hope one day I stop thinking about you. I hope I stop including you in every plan I dream about in the future. I hope one day, if you're really not it for me, that if your name comes up in convo that I don't feel a knot in my heart. Yes my heart not my stomach. Because currently that's where you reside in my body, and I don't know why.

I really don't know what it is about you. Maybe it's that you feel really really safe to my body, mind and soul. Maybe it's that you have class and decency... maybe you're elegant because you went to a snobby prep school or because you are an older brother, or maybe it was because of the way you were raised.. but you are a good and kind man despite your flaws. Maybe it's that you are self-made and successful. Maybe it's because you are actually so cute and cool. You are well-traveled and adventurous. You read a lot and are intelligent... You look handsome like 10/10 times I see you :p

I don't think it's wrong of me to want these things in my future partner. And it almost feels like everyone wants to punish me for wanting you for these things. But it's really hard to explain. It's even hard to explain to you, no matter how many times I've tried. The only thing that I was ever able to articulate to people was the fact that you helped V fix his resume when he lost his job lmfao. But it's all a feeling thats so much more than your kindness and generosity.

It really hurts that we may never be friendly to each other again. It's hard for me to be your acquaintance I hope you understand. I miss texting you so much D. I miss you so much to the point that i'm crying while typing this! I don't understand it at all besides that fact that you really were the coolest person I knew and I miss you. Cool isn't even the adjective I want to describe you with idk. It's all really hard. But I really pray I stop feeling this way about you because I want to move on. I need to put roots somewhere and I'm tired of dreaming about planting them somewhere with you. fuck man this hurts.

but after pain and struggle always comes victory. and i need to keep telling myself this right now because my life is ready to move on and I need to get on board.

I hope you feel my hug and presence any time you are in our hometown <3

goodbye D

-N

maybe I was holding on from a past lifetime or future one....

[ab-blake]

It's Weed Of Which Crop: 5 Crop Types To Look Out For

It's a good idea to know what each different type of plant looks like so that you can identify them quickly when you're in the field. Whether for weed identification purposes, or for what specific crop it is, this article will help you determine which crop type you are dealing with.

Why is cannabis a crop and not an herb?

Cannabis is a crop, not an herb. This is because cannabis is a type of plant that produces flowers. Herbs, on the other hand, are plants that do not produce flowers.

Another important difference between cannabis and herbs is that cannabis contains THC (tetrahydrocannabinol). THC is the main psychoactive ingredient in cannabis. This ingredient helps to make people feel high.

However, not all strains of cannabis contain THC. Some strains are low in THC and are used for medical purposes. These strains are called indica strains. Other strains are high in THC and are used for recreational purposes. These strains are called sativa strains.

What makes a plant a weed?

When it comes to gardening, there are a few key things to keep in mind. One of the most important is weed identification. To know which plants are weeds and which plants are not, you need to understand what makes a plant a weed.

Weed identification starts with understanding the definition of a weed. A weed is basically a plant that grows outside of its intended area. Weeds can be found growing in gardens, fields, or even in abandoned buildings. They can also grow in untilled soil or on wild plants.

The main reason weeds grow is because they have certain traits that make them successful. Weeds have long tap roots that penetrate deep into the soil. They also have strong stems and seeds that can survive harsh conditions.

So why are weeds such a problem? Well, weeds can take over an area quickly and they often contain toxins that can harm other plants or people. They can also damage property by crowding out other plants and reducing crop yields.

So how do you identify weeds? The first step is to look for the signs that weed growth is happening. These signs include: a sudden increase in vegetation, no discernible boundary between plant types, and an increased number of seedlings

5 different types of plants to look out for

Cannabis can be found in many different types of plants. Here are five different types of plants that you may find cannabis in:

1. Outdoor Cannabis: Cannabis can be found growing outdoors in many different types of climates. This is the type of cannabis that you typically see in dispensaries.

2. Indoor Cannabis: Cannabis can also be found growing indoors in many different types of climates. This is the type of cannabis that you typically see in dispensaries.

3. Hemp: Hemp is a type of cannabis plant that contains very low levels of THC. Hemp is used for a variety of products, including clothing, food, and paper products.

4. Sativa: Sativa strains are typically more energetic than indica strains. They are also known for their strong THC levels. Sativa strains are used to produce high-quality marijuana buds.

5. Ruderalis: Ruderalis is a type of cannabis plant that does not contain any THC at all. It is used to breed medical marijuana strains that do not have any psychoactive effects. jack frost mushrooms.

Discovering if your plant is a weed

It can be difficult to tell the difference between a weed and a crop. Here are some tips to help you identify which plants are weeds and which plants are crops:

1) Look for weeds in areas that don't belong to the crop. For example, if you're growing potatoes, look for weed growth near the roots of the potatoes.

2) Weed growth is often sparser than plant growth. Weed leaves are often narrower and have fewer veins than the leaves of a crop.

3) Weed flowers may be smaller or have different colors than the flowers of a crop.

4) Weed seeds may be larger or have different shapes than the seeds of a crop.