#you cooked

[joffyworld]

HOLD UP LET HIM COOOOOKKKKK

“I will take care of this beast, master. I will cut that crown from its HEAD!”

*Dies 10 seconds later*

Inspo under cut:

[gojonanami]

just thinking about arranged marriage w gojo, thinking maybe ancient japan. thinking he’s a fuckboy, on your wedding night you find out quite the opposite. complete and total virgin, overconfident at first but turns whiny when you (despite similar inexperience) take the reigns

….I NEED TO WRITE THIS IMMEDIATELY????

fuck ok let me finish prof geto and I—

I need this 😭

[exchangell]

AUGH I love the Mechanic reader and AM thing. Props to the person who thought of that. I want that Mechanic to sit there and and feel ashamed when they get jealous if AM has someone else fix it's tech, even though they know they shouldn't. It eats them alive at times, but they know his workings, his wires and mainframe better than those others. They are disgusted by their protectivity, they know that if it was them, surely AM would not feel the same protectiveness towards the mechanic. When AM makes them repair it from time to time, he gossips with them. He knows that every time he does so, it causes the reader to be hopeful that maybe, maybe the AI they once enjoyed late night talks with is still there.

oh this is SO SO REAL.... anon you have pulled my heartstrings and ripped them to SHREDS

[anonzentimes]

I SHOULD have added this to my previous ask lmao im sorry but the way i see the prosthetic arm is like. distancing from the damage junko did to him (and the rest of class 77b). something something healing he tore away a part of his body and replaced it with junkos when what she did to him and his classmates had them at their absolute lowest and now that hes getting the chance to have a peaceful fucking life and heal in the island with everyone else hes replaced it with a mechanical one and reclaimed that part of his body he had given away as his idk i could be way off the mark here but it makes me feel warm inside i love this guy also side note but holy shit imagine cutting your arm off twice

NAGITO KOMAEDA PEAK FICTION YOU SAID THIS SO WELL I LOVE THIS GUY🗣️🗣️🗣️‼️‼️‼️ ...also oh my god cutting your arm off twice must be an experience lol

[ubeb0nes]

LMAOOOO U JUST NEEDED A SECOND, MOOT

Phone Call

@avonnimimi 's concept !!! Tysm for letting be borrow it , why the FUCK did none of u tell me about her writing its incredible

nsfw (obvs), dom!sevika (jesus i do not live up to my username as of late), public masturbation, phone sex, praise, degradation, spanking, bondage with ribbons, just gay shit, strap sex, referred to as dick/cock, slight anal (thumbing), aftercare, may have accidentally made the reader british sorry about that one lads

You weren't a tease. You were a lot of things, but a tease wasn't one of them. You were good, Sevika told you so daily. She prided herself on how good you were. She'd brag about you at kink parties, how you were the best sub she'd ever come across, how you never misbehaved.

Well. There's always room for change.

Sevika had a stressful job, some business shit you had tried your hardest to listen to but failed miserably each time she'd explained. You know she carries a briefcase and you know she wears a suit, and that's good enough for you. She does not like to mix work and play. At least that's what she'd have you believe.

It's a day like any other. You've sent Sevi to work with her lunch, a kiss and a full waterbottle. You don't quite understand what got you so desperate so quickly. Maybe it's the way her hand lingered on your ass ever so slightly when she walked past you to get to the shower. Maybe it's the way she pushed you up against the counter for your morning snog. Or maybe, just maybe, she's just really fucking fit.

You find yourself sitting and going through your phone, perversely zooming in on pictures of her where her trousers have slid down just enough so you can see her boxers, or her thong, depending on the day. Thighs clenched together, you pull forward your cotton pajama top and take a picture of your cleavage. You send it off and giggle at Sevika's response.

[What the fuck.]

[Nice rack.]

[But what the fuck.]

[Rack? Jeese]

[Baby, what's up with you?]

[Usually so good for me, stop acting like a slut. I'm working.]

It's not crystal clear whether or not she intended for you to get turned on even further by her chastising messages, but either way, you're turned on. You slip off your shirt and start taking videos of you circling your nipples and squeezing your tits, making a real show of whining and squirming under your own touch. Once it's sent, you eagerly await her response.

[Baby, my volume was on full!]

You laugh loud now, knowing that she probably had to shut her office door so quick when she opened the video.

[Fuck, princess. Stop it. I'm trying to focus.]

You pout despite the fact she can't see you. You decide you're too deep in and slip off your shorts. You take a picture of the way your light grey shorts are now much darker on the crotch area and send it over.

[Don't you fucking dare.]

You're not allowed to touch yourself. You knew this from the beginning. But you've been so good all this time, surely you've earnt being a little-

[Pick up the phone.]

She's ringing. You have no clue what she's gonna say when you pick up. You're a little scared, you've misbehaved for the first time in your whole relationship, so of course you're scared.

You pick up. Silence. You turn up your phone a little and start hearing some very shaky breaths.

"Sevi, where are you?" You ask, needing a better picture. Was she really touching herself at work?

"Mmmph, my office, princess." She groans out. Wet, sticky sounds start coming through the phone and your breath hitches. Shit, you really affected her.

"I thought your office was made of windows?" You ask in concern. No way is she fucking herself stupid for all her coworkers to see.

"B-blinds baby, but I have no lock, you know that? Someone could catch me any moment." She chuckles darkly before moaning down the phone. Instinctively, you whine back, subconsciously rocking against the bed. You're laying on your stomach now, stripped bare, trying to visualise Sevika's suit-trousers round her ankles.

"Sevi?"

"Yes princess?" she sighs out, the sounds of her pussy getting much louder. You worry her boss'll hear, her pussy is so loud for you.

"What panties are you wearing today?"

She starts whining down the mic, you hear liquid sloshing onto hardwood floor.

"Shit... um, I just ruined your panties baby." She says quite plainly, the image of her squirting through your panties in her office driving you crazy.

"Don't touch yourself, I'm coming home now." She groans. You hear paper towel ripping and giggle, clearly she didn't anticipate the mess she'd make. She shuts off the call and you decide to get dolled up, pinning up your hair with ribbons and putting on her favourite lingerie.

To ensure her comfortability and ease, you set out 3 choices of dildos for her to strap you with. One is 6 inches, clear and pink. You doubt she'll choose it, but it's cute at least. The second is 7.5 inches, a dark maroon colour. This one is your regular. It stuffs you up just enough to where its still comfortable, so Sevika's pace doesn't ruin you too bad the next day. The third, well, you've only used it twice. On days where Sevika's come home angry, days where she needs to release all her frustration on your pussy, days where she doesn't give a damn if you're screaming for all the neighbours to hear.

You smile at your work and decide to even light some candles, making the room smell woody and perfumed. You barely finish lighting the last candle when you hear the door slam. She must've been going 30mph over the speed limit, how the fuck did she cut her 40 minute journey down to 20?!

"Baby? Where are you?" She calls sweetly. You smile. Maybe she'll be kind and fuck you gentle and lovingly, pleased that you gave her a little treat at work. "I'm in the bedroom!" You shout back, kneeling up on the bed with your hands behind your back.

She leans against the doorframe, tugging at her tie. She smiles. "Hi, my sweet girl." She says soothingly. You smile and bounce a bit on the bed. She's definitely not mad! How could she be. All you did was make her feel good at work, why'd she be mad for that?

"Had a little fun today, right?" She quizzes, walking to the bed and running her hands over your three options. "Made me lose control, didn't you princess?" You nod and she giggles. It's weird. Sevika doesn't giggle.

"Yes Sevi, just wanted to show you I missed you!!" You say back, beaming. She smiles a little too wide back. Her fingers hover over the clear-pink dildo.

"Aw that's very sweet baby. Remind me though," she stops smiling and starts clenching her teeth between sentences, "haven't we spoken about sending me stuff while I'm working?"

She starts untying ribbons from your hair while she waits for her response. "Um... you asked me not to-"

"No sweetheart, I told you not to." She sighs and looks down before coming back up with that terrifying grin. Her eyes are a little too wide, a little too many of her teeth on display.

"I'm sorry Sevi.." you murmur, watching as she wraps the ribbons around her hands and puts tension on them.

"It's okay baby. First time you've been bad. You're allowed one mistake, right?" Somethings ingenuine about her tone, like she's taunting you, like she needs the correct answer or she'll do something fucking awful.

"Y-yeah! Just one mistake is-" you gasp when she wraps the ribbon round your neck, cutting off your air for just a second before she releases slightly.

"No, no you're not allowed a fucking mistake. Do you know how mad I am? Do you know how close I could've been to getting fired? If my boss walked past while you were moaning like a slut down the mic I'd have been told to march. Do you understand?"

You nod and she tightens the ribbon again. "Words, princess." She hisses it out like she's never believed the title less.

"I unders-stand," You splutter, hands coming up to grasp at her forearms. She lets go and your chest heaves, holding your neck as she throws off her blazer, not bothering to take off her trousers as she hoists the harness over her hips. She still reaches for the pink one, and you smile for a second at the knowledge that your sweet sevika's still in there somewhere. But she doesn't attach it, instead decides to shove it into your mouth. Your eyes water at the sudden intrusion, gagging and gripping your thumbs under your fingers. You moan against the cock she's using to fuck your mouth, eyes looking helplessly up at her. Her expression is cold, she's not cooing you or rubbing your cheeks as she usually would. She instead opts to grip the top of your head, slamming you forward with each thrust.

"Cute that you think I'd even consider letting you off this easy," she grumbles when she discards the pretty dick, spit-string snapping when she chucks it carelessly behind her. She turns you round and pushes your face into the bed, binding your arms with the ribbons and tying them in a pretty bow. You tug and realise there's no way you're breaking free.

"Mm, Sevika, I'm sorry," you whine against the duvet, wiggling your ass while you hear her rustling behind you. You turn your head and notice that that particular strap is gone. Oh fuck. You fucked up, you fucked up big time.

She grabs the ribbons between your wrists and massages your ass, pulling you off the bed a little. "I'm gonna need you to count for me. Can you do that?" She says softly, pinching and rubbing at your skin. You groan and push your ass back. You attempt to look back at her with wide eyes, but when she looks at you she pouts mockingly then looks away, eyes fixing onto your ass. "Can you count or what? Or are you already too much of a dumb puppy to speak?"

You whine and drop your head down. "I can count, I'm sorry." She hums in satisfaction and removes her hand.

With a harsh thwack she places a slap on you. You yelp and lurch forward, but she keeps you in place with her hand on your binds. "O-one," you whimper, legs already trembling. She huffs and brings her hand down on the other cheek, the burning sensation stinging you and shooting pain up your spine.

"T-two- three-" the third slap comes down before you can splutter out your numbers, the pain starting to warm your pussy, starting to feel so fucking good that you're upset you've never misbehaved before. You moan and arch your back, wanting more of this sick pleasure. You wish you could see Sevika, her face no-doubt stern, eyes trained on your ass.

"F-four, mmph five, six, s-seven, ah fuck, fuck, eight-"

By the time you're at twenty you're screaming, ass painted in handprints that you're sure must be bruising already. She grunts and you feel her shifting, feel your panties get stretched and pulled over the cheek of your ass, your pussy exposed. You feel so pathetic, your pussy soaked from your punishment. She pushes your lower back, forcing you to arch up, making your ass look even more perked, making your pussy even for open for her. Sevika squirts lube onto her dick and you open your legs where you kneel on the bed, preparing yourself to receive her.

Sevika presses her thumb to your asshole, swiping her tip against your clit. "Is this what you wanted?" She rasps, her thumb dipping a little ways inside you while she pushes her cock into your pussy. "Did you want me to ruin you? To stretch you out?" You moan and shove your hips back onto her dick, her whole thumb slipping into your ass. You groan at the pressure, never having experimented with anal before. "It's what I needed, Sevi, needed a reminder of how to be good for you.." She groans and fucks into your asshole, pushing her thumb down a little to concentrate your pleasure. The sensation sends sparks of pleasure to your pussy, and you whine since she's barely a ways past the tip inside you.

She pulls out her thumb and spits on your asshole, massaging the muscle while she pushes her length inside. Your voice cracks as you moan, the stretch of her cock almost too much to handle. Your hands flex and she takes one in hers, holding it, reminding you that you're safe, that your loving girlfriend is still under her hard exterior. Eyes welling up, you cry out "please, ruin me."

Sevika wastes no time in bottoming out in your pussy before pulling all the way out. She grips your hand tightly as she slams her cock into you, your ass jiggling against the sheer force of her thrusts. She scoops up your head and holds you against her body, hand quickly slipping down to your neck to prop you up. She sucks harshly against your neck, forcing out more strangled moans from your throat. Your ass burns where it slaps against her hips, still raw from your spanking.

Her thumb, at long last, stops toying with your asshole. She shoves it into your mouth, pacifying you, your moans coming out as muffled hums as you suck on her. As tears roll down your cheeks from the overwhelming pleasure, her tongue lolls out from between her scarred, dark lips. She licks up the salty tears from your skin, sucking against your face, nipping at your cheek, soft kisses littering across your face when she fucks into you harder.

Your legs quiver when she picks up her pace, one arm clamping your chest so your body is flush against hers. You can feel her nipple piercings from under her shirt, and you moan at the knowledge she's not wearing a bra.

"I hope you're learning your lesson," she pants, licking and kissing at your ear between heavy breaths. "Ruined those panties so bad I had to throw them away," she chuckles darkly, her hips moving in a way that you know feels good for her too. "You know how wet you made my pussy, baby? Dirty bitch made me so fucking horny.." she whispers it against your neck. You feel her lips quivering, occasionally getting trapped between her teeth, her teeth grazing your skin before her tongue falls out her mouth to soothe the burn the sensation leaves.

"Do you like it when I fuck you like this?" She slaps your pussy as she pounds into you, "when I remind you who owns you?" She slaps you again and you cry out her name, your head lolling back over her shoulder. "Y-yes, yes, all yours, all S-Sevika's," you groan out, her rough fingers making harsh contact one last time before rubbing hard circles against your clit.

"Gonna cum for me baby?" she teases when your hips start to buck, your hands gripping at her shirt behind your back, arms fighting your restraints. "Please, please, I'm sorry I was bad Sevi, please let me cum?" you plead, trying to look up into her eyes. She harshly grabs at your breast to keep you propped up, her fingers swiping at your clit at a brutal pace. Your breath catches in your throat and your chest feels like it's caving in. A glance down at your stomach heaving, her cock sticking through your tummy, reminding you how deep her dick is into your guts, and you cum onto her. She moans softly with you, her fingers pulling at your nipple as your bodies roll in unison. You whine as she bites against your collar bone, fingers slowing down on your clit, her cock slowing inside you.

"So good princess," she whispers as she pulls out. You collapse forward onto the bed, mouth agape, drooling onto the sheets. You're shaking, hands trembling within the binds. "Breathe baby," she mutters, tracing soothing circles on your lower back. You suck in some air, flexing your fingers and curling your wrists once she unties the ribbons from around them. Sevika kisses your wrists, up your arms, massaging your thighs and whispering how good you were, how well you took her. With a flop she drops her harness beside you, walking away to the bathroom. You whine and she comes back for a second: you don't want to be without her right now. "Okay, it's okay baby I'm here." She brushes your hair out of your eyes, guiding you to bundle into her arms. She lifts you, your legs wrapped around her waist as she collects the various things she needs to fix you up. She laughs out her nose when she returns you onto the bed because she can see your mess smeared against her trousers.

She gently cleans you off with soft, warm towels, being careful when touching your beaten-raw ass to clean up where your mess has gathered in your asshole. "You're so beautiful, you know that?" she says softly, running her hands over your back. You hum and sink further into the bed. She squirts aloe vera over your ass, her touches soft and gentle as she massages it over your skin. You sigh at the cooling sensation. "So pretty baby, bruising up so nice," Sevika groans, gripping at your waist. You giggle and wiggle your hips, your ass jiggling. She chuckles down at you, kneeling between your legs to massage your shoulders. "Pussy's so ruined honey, I'm sorry if I hurt you."

You nod, still too shaken to speak, and carefully turn onto your back. Outstretched hands welcome Sevika into your embrace. She rest her head on your breasts and cuddles you until you drift off. Once she's sure you're fast asleep, she gets up to change out of her work clothes. She can't help but admire her angel sleeping peacefully on the bed. She bends down to you, playing with your hair and taking it behind your ears. "I love you so much princess."

idk how to end it but yes

[munchieminch]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[bob-artist]

I had an upsetting dream last night.

[hexjulia]

i don't even know what to say. Apparently my brother has been sending doja cat (singer) recipe links as instagram dms for literal YEARS now because he doesn't know an easy way to bookmark them in the app. Which led to an attempt to save recipes by just linking them to celebrities who he assumes aren't checking their dms anyways. this lifehack got him blocked by mac demarco and lorde however. Doja never blocked or responded so he just continued to use her inbox to save insta recipes. FOR YEARS.

[ovium-sheep]

Ok bro, you literally devoured.

always everyone else’s fault

[coldn1ghtz]

Me, leaning against the wall with a flirty smirk on my face: "hey good looking, what's cooking?"

The steel factory:

[spyglassrealms]

had a fucking hilarious dream that tumblr replaced the "block" function with the far funnier "glock" function, which did the exact same thing except whenever anyone blocked you a random bullet hole, like a png of a bullet hole, would appear on your blog. discourse blogs were unreadable bc you'd go to the page and the sheer amount of bullet hole pngs stacked over the blogs obscured everything. I woke myself up laughing

[toodrunktofindaurl]

she heard the news

[joffyworld]

HYDHDHDHD LMAOOOOO

what took you so long?

[cephalotyrant]

Hi so... this chapter from the love is war manga (THIS ISNT A PHISHING ATTEMPT I SWEAR IM NOT AZUL)

I can't help but imagine this as azurido

Riddle picking up the textbook and he's like "Rules??? For LOVE???? WOW WHAT A BARGAIN I LOVE BEING ABLE TO FOLLOW STRAIGHTFORWARD RULES TO PROPERLY NAVIGATE RELATIONSHIPS" I'm sorry riddle it ain't that easy it never is...

Of course Azul knew that he's pulling out the megamind schemes with this one, sadly he kinda forgets that, yk,, Riddle's a good person who doesn't speak exclusively in mindgames unlike a certain someone

Like

Though Riddle would ordinarily never read such low-brow nonsense, the book was titled "The Rules Of Romance: A Beginner's Guide', and the mere mention of rules, especially ones pertaining to romance, had drawn him in. Would these rules aid him in wooing Azul?

Azul knew Riddle would think that. He was counting on it, in fact. Which was why he'd gotten a copy of the book in question and read to almost to the point of memorization. From that, he could garner that Riddle was using 'Rule 7' from the book: The cold shoulder. It was more of a strategy than a rule, but since it worked out in Azul's favor, he didn't particularly care for that distinction.

Riddle would act cold to him. Yes, indeed, and then he'd go past the point of no return and Azul would expose his little strategy. After all, why else would Riddle act so cold, when Azul hadn't done anything wrong? It was a perfect plan. Riddle was ignoring him already. Azul just needed to initiate the conversation, gather evidence of Riddle's deliberate coldness, and-

"Oh, apologies, Azul, I failed to notice you. Hello,"

A... slightly more curt greeting than usual? That was it?

And then Riddle's just like "Oh wow it appears I'm pushing this too far... I fear I may make Azul even more distasteful of me at this rate"

Ofc it's not like either of them want the other to like them or anything stupid like that it's just that the other hating them would impede their goals of wooing and stuff for uhhh... pride and dignity reasons that's all it is

And then they're both still being like that tm

Riddle was... pouring him coffee? And to the halfway point? That was only slightly less than usual! This wasn't cold, it was just average! Kind, even!

Azul couldn't help the shrapnel of doubt that pierced through his currently lone heart.

Was he even trying to be cold, or did Azul just misinterpret him being busy?

Meanwhile, Riddle couldn't help but grit his teeth in disgust with himself. What exactly was he doing? Punishments were only for those who'd actually done something to warrant them! Riddle was making a fool out of the rules, and at this rate, himself as well!

And then ofc Riddle slightly escalates and it's like "I can't stand that part of you"... sadly for Azul he fails just like kaguya and he's like "Riddle can't stand me????" hes so cringefail smh my head

"I can't stand that part of you, Azul."

At that, Azul's blood ran cold. Riddle couldn't stand him? He found him unlikeable? Worthy of distaste? There was no reason to be shocked, really, Azul's personality was certainly rather rotten, but...

Why did it sting all of a sudden? Why did it make his heart thump in panic so loudly one would think he still had three?

Anyways it diverges bc Riddle was actually being honest in that he doesn't like Azul's evil schemes tm and to him it's just... stating facts. He doesn't think Azul's that bad, there are parts of the man worthy of admiration, but this aspect of things is just one he can't stand (YET riddle im sorry bbg you're not immune this practically nonexistent burn does still barely exist and it's coming for you... at a snail's crawl)

But Azul takes it to mean Riddle can't stand *him* in general and now he's grumpy and Jade has to deal with it... poor Jade can't believe I'm torturing him like this smh my head

"And then- he told me he couldn't stand me! Fair enough, for I can't stand him either."

That second sentence was a lie. And considering the way things had gone down on the camera footage, so was the first one.

"Azul," Jade started, mentally counting to ten. "Have you ever considered you may be misunderstanding things?"

Azul rolled his eyes. Jade wanted to do that exact same thing so badly.

"Obviously not, Jade," so confident, yet so wrong. "He can't stand me, and I can't stand his large, stormy eyes, his work ethic, or-"

At this point, Jade had completely tuned out of the conversation. He couldn't listen to this glorified lovesick ramble any longer.

So yeah Azul's suffering... on that theme ngl the tsum thing i was yapping to you abt reminded me of Kaguya and Chika lowkey

Just... Azultsum cozying up to Riddle and Azul's like

Im gonna monkey up the keyboard to write a fic with that your fault once more /j...

oh my god.... THATS what the manga is??? that is literally azurido oh it's azuridover I was also... not aware that's where that pink character came from! huh. nice to know.

"A beginner's guide" AGH. WRONG FIXATION.

"He thinks I didn't read it because it was sealed! Fool, I purchased a second copy for myself, obviously." that is SO unbelievably Azul I'm losing my mind. he forced idia to pirate a copy online so he wouldn't waste more money than he needed to

Riddles intense binding to the rules literally preventing him from properly 'punishing' Azul is so funny. What if he's desperately looking for something rulebreaking in Azul's actions to go AHA now I'm justified!

this might actually make me throw up. Azul being unprepared for smth like that even though he thinks he is. his crush on Riddle giving him a weak point and weirdly enough it-- *gets shot*

reminds him of getting bullied. of the moments he held out hope for friends only to be made fun of, realizing that not much of his situation has changed at all. he reflects on much more than his personality, but a reflection on his relati--

do you think Riddle notices him cry? or is Azul better than that, experienced with hiding his tears? the coffee is lukewarm but... it's really fogging up his glasses. yeah. that's what it is. his eyes aren't-- they aren't shiny, what are you talking about?

coughs. what was that. sorry. Azul would definitely not let that go as easy as poor girlie over here I fear. Riddle's not... honorable, by any means I think. But he is, in his own twisted way, lawful. amd he's doing his best to reflect on what a 'good' punishment is.

Jade's going to become feed for his mushrooms. and if not him, Azul.

I'm sorry I don't have much to say you just illustrate it all so much better than I can this is your territory 🥹👍 GGHHHH ITS AZURIDOVER

[ruporas]

dragon meat, you, and me