#you can't stand the flavor of mental illness i have.

[teethcore]

i can't even complain about our cruel housemate without my angel making it about her.

[ramshacklefey]

No but serious. Dungeons & Dragons is one of the least flexible systems out there. So whenever I hear someone asking, "Why can't I do X in DnD?" or "How would I do (thing that the system is totally ill-suited for)?" my first response is just "GURPS."

For those of you who aren't familiar, GURPS stands for "Generic Universal Role Playing System." I always say it's like the Linux of ttrpgs, in the sense that it's less a system and more a framework that you can use to do whatever you want with.

And I really do mean whatever you want. You want high fantasy? Done. You want gritty realism in a dystopian world? Got it. You want superheroes? Good to go. Super tech space opera? Oh boy we got you there. You want magic systems that aren't based on spell lists? Go for it. Horror games where character death is a constant and very real threat? Sure thing.

You can set up your game to be anything from a complex data driven grinder to a cinematic rules basically optional flight of fancy.

You can play characters who are anywhere from realistically squishy humans to god-like super beings.

Characters personal flaws and strengths can have a direct impact on mechanics. Character species can have a direct and serious impact on mechanics.

The existence of so many options can make GURPS seem overwhelming at first glance, but if you are willing to put in a bit of effort, it's actually a very simple system to play. Most of the hard work is front-loaded into setting and character creation. Once play starts it runs as smooth as can be.

It's totally possible to play it with just the two core books, BUT there are dozens of books that are nothing but tips and advice for how to build a particular type of world or a particular flavor of campaign.

And the books, while not nearly as pretty as DnD books, are laid out in a way that makes it incredibly easy to find exactly the information you want.

Some more mechanical things that I particularly like about it (under the cut):

Characters are created on a point-buy system, but you don't just buy your basic stats, you also buy your skills, advantages, and secondary stats. And you can gain points back by dropping stats below average or taking disadvantages.

The advantage/disadvantage system. This is sorta the core of the character building, and it is *so* much fun. See, rather than pick out a class or species, you have a list (selected by your GM from a much larger list) of things you can buy that will have mechanical impacts on you in the game. Basically, an advantage is anything that opens up more possibilities for you in-game, and a disadvantage is anything that closes off possibilities. They can be superpowers, species traits, cinematic plot armor, personality traits, or things like chronic illness, bad temper, physical or mental disabilities, or being doomed by the narrative.

Simple dice system. To play a GURPS campaign you need three d6. That's it. All checks and saves are done by rolling 3d6 (low rolls are better than high). This has an additional advantage over the d20 system in that there is a probability curve. You're more likely to roll numbers in the mid-range, which makes both critical successes and critical failures rarer, and therefore more satisfying.

Your target roll is adjusted, rather than adding/subtracting from the roll itself. Say you're trying to, idk, hack a computer. Your skill level doesn't affect your dice roll, it affects the number you need to roll in order to succeed. This makes things a lot simpler on the player's end, imo, because there's less they need to keep track of. (You're trying to roll under the skill check, so whatever the base difficulty is, the GM just adds or subtracts your skill level from that).

The basic stats are on a much tighter scale, and they make a lot more sense. Human average is a 10 in everything. When you make your character you can buy higher stats or take lower ones and get more points to spend on other things. All stats cap out at 18, because that's the highest number you can roll. At a 10 strength you are a normal person. At 18 you're basically Superman. You'd have to roll a critical failure not to succeed in a strength check, and remember: critical failures are far less common than in a d20 system.

I could keep going ad infitum here, but instead I'll just close with:

Come with me boy, play my games! We'll have cowboy times in space!

[hirsheyskisses]

Hey, psst! I have a little request, that might be of your interest - it‘s quite fluffy ఌ

So the trope;

„Come on, try one! I sat hours on these!“

„Don’t make me taste the most bread like sweets in existence, idiot.“

You made cinnamon buns, the Heart pirates love your creation, but who is avoiding the kitchen at all costs? Of course - tall, dark and brooding white hat.

Will he eat the infamous cinnamon buns? Is he possibly risking his life for you, because he can’t stand the cute pout you exaggeratedly flash at him?

(You can choose the scenario)

I‘ll leave the fluff expertise to you ✨

Cinnamon Bun Chaos

TRAFALGAR LAW x READER

Summary: Law can't seem to shake the uneasy feeling he's had since he's awoken. Is it the smell? Or perhaps he's sick.. and then.. oh dear. Will he give in to that cute, cute pout of yours?

A/N: help this was so frigging cute to write 😭 @ems-c-lee you know I've gotta do it! AHHHHHH *violent screeching over doc ensues*

The first thing he'd noticed when he'd woken up was an odd, cinnamon and - very sweet smelling thing. Wearily blinking his eyes, body heavy from sleep, Law raised his head off his desk, noting he must've fallen asleep during another study. Limbs stretching, and allowing his mind to wake up, he noted the still hot coffee that had been placed on his desk. Of course, he thought, the slightest of smiles gracing his features, (Name)-ya always anticipates when ill wake. Taking the cup and stealing a quick sip from it, Law pulled on a hoodie and made to exit his room.

However, the moment he did, he was hit with a wave of unease. That smell was turning his stomach, just a bit. Which was odd. Being the ship's cook, he had always loved most of your cooking. Each flavor complimented the other, and while his sleepy mind could only tell cinnamon from the smell, he didn't mind cinnamon. Well, it could be how sweet it smells. He wasn't the largest fan of sweets, but what could possibly go wrong?

Each step increased that slightly uneasy feeling. His mind slipped away from the smell, for it couldn't be that: worry drifting into his mind. Somethings wrong. Something must be. Maybe its with me? Am I sick? This feeling could easily be sickness, and I'm mixing it up with anxiety. Ugh.

Opening the door to the kitchen, Law made a mental note to keep a physical distance from anyone until he did a check-up on himself. He was met with the kitchen to be crowded-

"These are so good, (Name)! Why didn't you make these sooner?!"

"My stomach is.. in heaven."

"Thats weird, dude!"

There you were. Leaning against the counter with a satisfied glint in your eyes, laughing at the crews antics with whatever it was you had made. Yet that feeling, it worsened, but in the moment, Law chose to ignore it, feeling his mind melt when your smile directed at him.

"Captain! You're up early." You greeted, moving over to meet him. Law nodded, taking a quick drink from his coffee. "Had a weird feeling. It's a bit early for breakfast." He glanced at the crew, who'd hadn't noticed him. "I'll get breakfast started in a few, yeah. I decided I'd mess around and make an old favorite though! Cinnabuns!"

Oh. Oh that's why he had a weird feeling.

"...bread." Law stated, raising an eyebrow. He found himself physically withdrawing himself closer to the door, and you laughed, "hardly! Sure it's made from dough but it's delicious! Cinnamon and sugary and gooey goodness!"

Law mentally cringed, and by now, the three others in the kitchen had taken note of Law's presence. Penguin chimed in, "mornin' Captain! She's absolutely right, you should try one!"

Bepo, who was currently looking like his brain had gone to heaven, "they're amazing!" And Sachi, "I bet you might even like it! It's (Name)'s cooking, after all."

"No way. Keep that bread nonsense away from me." Law grumbled, slowly moving towards the door. You chuckled softly at his movements, staring up at him with doe like eyes.

"Captain.. I spent hours on these.. atleast try it! One small bite?"

You pleaded with him, knowing damn well what his weakness was. Puppy eyes. That way you peered up at him, eyes so wide and innocent, a smallest of pouts resting on your face. It didn't help that Bepo was right behind him, staring at Law with that damn adorable fuzzy face. He could barely resist Bepo, let alone you. And with the two of you combined?

"...don't make me try the most breadlike sweets in existence, idiot!"

You had him backed to the wall, still staring at him, and god he was struggling. "Captain.. jist one bite! I promise I won't make you try any other bread thing againnnnn.." honestly, you weren't even aiming to make him try it: but the way he was squirming was absolutely precious, his ears turning pink as he mentally battled the pros and cons.

"...Room."

"Ack! Scatter!" Penguin shouted, laughter filling the kitchen once again as you all scrambled to escape, but it was futile. Atleast it was for you. One second, you were almost out the door, and then-

"-shambles."

You were in Law's. You could never quite get used to his powers moving you around, it was rather disorienting for your mind. Looking back, you saw him: tall, stoic, a shadow over his eyes, ..and a cinnamon bun in his hand.

"Cap- Law," you corrected yourself. In private, he insisted you call him by his first name. In public.. well, the crew wasn't aware the two of you were dating, so you kept it professional with them. Even if you both weren't aware the crew had long since figured out you both were dating. "-you don't actually need to try it, I was just teasing-"

He raised a hand to silence you. "..just.. give me a minute." Law was glaring at the sweet bread treat in his hand, mentally battling if it was worth taking a bite. Even now when you reassured him of that, you still had those expectant, curious doe like eyes and that cute pout on your face.

You watched as he took a bite, slow and cautious. He was expressionless, chewing it for what seemed like hours, before swallowing and setting the treat down on his desk.

Slowly, the man moved towards you. You laughed nervously, stepping away with each step towards you, "..was it good?"

He moved closer until your back was to the wall, and he was right in front of you. Tattooed hands gripped at your shoulders as he lowered his forehead to rest on yours, staring at you intently. "...law?" You questioned, unsure if he was having some sort of allergic reaction, or post cinnabun crisis, but you shied away regardless.

"...." He dropped his head on your shoulder and pulled you close- tighter than usual.

"..if it wasn't bread, it might've been good." He forced out at last, pressing his face into your neck. "But please, dear heavens, never make me eat that again."

A relieved breath escaped you as you laughed, wrapping your arms around your tense boyfriend, "Roger that! ...I'll make not bread Cinnamon buns then! ..somehow."

"I'd like that."

[mcverse]

CͨнⷩAͣРⷬᴛⷮEͤRͬ OͦNEͤ

ᴘɪᴄᴋ ᴍᴇ, ɴᴏᴛ ᴏɴ ᴍᴇ

✧ Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x Shape-Shifting! Chubby F! Reader

✧ Warning: Insecure reader, Bullies being bullies, Profanity

Previous/Next

You stumble into the girls' bathroom, gasping for air as if your lungs aren't working properly. Your hands shake as you attempt to steady yourself, but it's no use. You feel completely out of control, and it scares you.

How could you have let this happen? You were doing just fine a few minutes ago, and then suddenly everything spiraled out of control. You felt yourself losing control in a way that you had never experienced before. Your mind started racing, and before you knew it, everything went blank. Despite it all, you somehow managed to make it to the bathroom without breaking down completely.

If you didn't run away from that completely humiliating situation, they would be the ones surprised on just how unsafe you'll make them feel. Those bastards... That bitch... That dick.... Those assholes who just watched the whole thing go down without a single helping hand.

Your blurry eyes scan the bathroom, relieved to see no one inside to witness your unraveling. You've been ridiculed enough for basically your whole existence; you don't need anyone else to belittle you further. You do enough of that when you're alone already.

You stagger to the sink, gripping it tightly as your breathing is still uneven. You close your eyes, only to snap them back open seconds later and stare at the unrecognizable girl in the dirty mirror. You look ill; your (e/c) eyes are sunken and bloodshot, chubby cheeks stained with runny mascara, lips swollen from biting back your tongue, hair tossed in either direction.

You're yourself, yet not you at the same time. You had decided to be bold today and take back your life for once. You thought that if you were going to get better mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically, you should take back the life that people so pridefully spat on.

You were a big fat idjit.

You should have known better that after all you've been put through that simply changing your outfit and attempting to be more confident wasn't going to work. That wearing something with a little more skin—a little more chub showing than your usual baggy clothes, wasn't the answer to your life. If anything, it was bringing you closer to your demise.

This time, you shut your eyes tightly, too afraid to continue staring at the girl in the mirror. That girl saw a sliver of color in her world, when in reality life was monochrome. As satisfying as that word usually sounds, in your case it was a sad choice of term.

"I can't believe you really thought he would like you.”

You groan, gripping your hair. The memories of moments ago are resurfacing after countless times of forcing it away, "No... No..." You mutter, tears building up again.

Why'd they have to do you like this? You thought he really liked you. He complimented you, helped you whenever you needed it, even took care of you when you couldn't find the energy to do so yourself.

It was all an act. All the smiles, all the laughs, all the subtle touches. Of course, it was. No one in their right mind willing chooses to get close to the fat girl. You were ill-flavored to them, nothing like a slimmer and fitter girl.

"You are literally disgusting,” May said, smiling insanely with a hyena-like laugh, "Isn't that right, Kris?" She turned to look at the person of interest, a single brow raised.

Said boy was standing there, looking uninterested at the scene, but the glint in his eyes said otherwise. He shrugged his shoulders, "Sure."

"But he—" You open your mouth to explain that he came on to you, eyes flickering between the two.

"You fell for it, didn't you? Nobody wants a whale, that would be animal abuse," May says, shaking her head and smiling mischievously, "Can't believe you're that desperate for someone to like you!"

You remember it all too well, even though it happened not too long ago. Your world shattered in that moment, and the humiliation was unbearable. They could have done anything to hurt you, anything at all, and you would have still been broken but manageable. But they chose to humiliate you like that, and now you don't see a way back from it.

Previous/Next

✧ Series M.List

✧ Main M.List

Thanks for reading! Like & reblog is appreciated

[lordelmelloi2]

last ask for me; can you recommend an alcoholic beverage for people who hate the taste of alcohol but want to be drunk?

my first genuine advice is to get over it and learn how to drink like everyone else has to and learn to appreciate the notes in a beverage instead of going YUCK! ALCOHOL TASTE! IT BURNS! at everything... GET OVER IT!!!!!

Alcohol is an acquired taste. You must treat it with respect for that fact, but also treat the creation and history and culture behind the beverages with respect as well. I genuinely hate and feel disgust when people tirade about how alcohol tastes bad -- I'm not saying it's a heaven-sent beverage or that it doesn't cause cancer or substance abuse or anything, massive disclaimer, but there is culture and history behind many alcoholic beverages and like any culture and history there must be respect put behind it. Not everyone has had a poor relationship with alcohol. There is, in fact, a way to have a healthy, moderate relationship with alcohol; to not be dependent on it psychologically or physiologically, and to not let it ruin your life. I do believe that having a strong sense of self-discipline is key to this, as well as remembering moderation and temperance as well as humility when it comes to managing one's relationship to alcoholic beverages. I can't stress this enough. I am someone who comes from a DV household where alcoholism was a massive factor. I am well aware of the risks, I am not condoning alcohol abuse. Don't take my words in bad faith. Please god

This is in no way an absolutely comprehensive list but I get really intensely focused about this topic so this is where I am going to start.

beginner alcohol suggestions for those who are weaning into alcoholic beverages generally start sweet or mellow. You are going to stick to regions and grape varietals (varietal = the name of the grape used in the wine i.e. cabernet sauvignon, chardonnay, moscato, riesling) that are sweeter or milder/mellower/softer. Thus it usually goes like:

Moscatos

Sangrias

White Zinfandel

White Merlot

Ports (VERY high in ABV, proceed with caution)

Chocolate Wine

Icewine

Sauternes

Meads

(Sweet, not Dry) Rieslings

Sweet Red Blends

Spumantes/Off-dry Cuvees

Vinho Verde

for what wines people generally try first. For beers, I would suggest Fruit Beers, Wheat Ales, chocolate Stouts/Porters and the like -- things that have flavors added to them. Or inoffensive beers like Lagers and Cerveza styles (which translated literally just means Beer Styles, but generally refers to Mexican lagers). Sours are another one that people start with but I hate sours, so...

For liquor there's no real good starting point I think. people who aren't used to drinking alcohol are going to taste it in everything.

Flavored whiskies (not Fireball. stop fucking drinking Fireball)

Irish Cream Liqueurs

Liqueurs in general, in particular Amarettos, Orange liqueuers, Schnapps of any kind (lower proof), Limoncellos

Aged Tequilas (i.e. reposados and anejos/extra anejos as those are smoother and tend to have a sweeter taste in some regards, these are meant to be Sipped)

Cocktails in fucking general ...

If trying to get into whiskies, usually people start with Bourbon and such because the high amount of corn (51%+) in the mash bill means that it will have a corn-syrupy sweetness to the body (known sometimes as caramel). Do not fall to the Mental Illness of Trying To Seem Cool And Knowledgable About Bourbon. I'm sick of coming into work to be on the floor helping customers and having to watch people stand in front of the bourbon section for 15-30 minutes just staring and poising and being like "I don't need any help" only to come grab a merchandiser later and be like "Where's your Pappy Van Winkle/Blanton's/E.H. Taylor/Buffalo Trace" fuck you.

And another thing about getting into Bourbon -- Wheated styles are going to be softer than High Ryes, Cask Strengths, Bottled-in-Bond etc. those are not very beginner friendly for people trying to acclimate to the taste of alcohol. Wheated styles are friendlier in general. Maker's Mark is a very common one, but I personally am fond of Larceny. If you can get a chance to do Redemption Wheated I also recommend that. Redemption is a great beginner bourbon in general, very reliable all-purpose bourbon, great to sip and mix.

A lot of people also choose Vodka because it is supposed to be distilled to be as inoffensive as possible. But you don't usually drink Vodka straight. especially not if you're a beginner. most beginner drinkers just make screwdrivers (vodka+OJ) or cape codder's (also known as a vodka cran) or anything like that. Try experimenting with adding different liqueurs and juices into Vodka (like i.e. making White Russians or Cosmopolitans)

If you're starting to acclimate to these sweeter, milder types, and you're ready to start foraying into drier and more complex/refined styles, you're ready to start to move onto other types of wine and spirits and beers. So these are decent transition wines. So that looks like, for wine:

Off-dry/Dry Rieslings

Pinot Grigio/Gris/whatever

Vouvray/Loire Valley French Wines/Alsace French Wines

Southern Italian White Wines (i.e. Pecorino, Falerio, Puglian wines, Campanian wines are my absolute favorite)

Chardonnay (oaked and unoaked), Chablis

Sauvignon Blanc/Sancerres

Prosecco, Cava, Champagne, other Sparkling wines in general (which tend to be made with majoritively Chardonnay grapes, along with Pinot Noir grapes in those same styles ALTHOUGH there are Sparkling Sauv Blancs & Sparkling Rieslings in existence and a ton of other grapes people use too)

Rosés (try Gamay grape Rosés/French Rosés)

For red wines: try Merlots

Zinfandels

Red Blends

Fruit-forward Pinot Noirs (ask somebody about these -- in general, with wines, if you do prefer vaguely sweeter styles, ask somebody about which wines are more "fruit-forward" for whichever varietal you're shopping)

Paso Robles Cabernet Sauvignons (due to them being very fruit-forward). Of note -- the tannins can tend to be just as firm in Cab Sauvs, so if you really can't handle dry wines yet, wait before getting into Cabs unless you really want to jump into learning how they taste.

And then similarly for beers, try:

More lagers. just do it fuck all life

Ales in general. any kind of ale. Amber ale also

Hazy IPAs are pretty good to start with IMO because they're a little fruitier and softer than regular IPAs due to the lack of filtering

Porters

Bocks

Tripels

Stouts

For liquors, try:

Silver/Blanco Tequila

Gin

Irish Whisky

Speyside Scotch Whisky (tends to be the softest style of scotch and is easy for beginners to acclimate to)

if you're used to Bourbon, try Rye Whiskies, or other styles of American Whiskey

Aperitifs (think Campari and Aperol, but there are other styles of apertif as well)

When you think you've acclimated to drier styles of wine there are a quite a few dry styles of red wine that are worth taking a look at. I touched a bit earlier about dry red wines like Bordeauxs. Bordeauxs are usually varying blends of Cabernet Sauvignons & Merlots depending on which riverbank side of the region they are located on. LCRM is an acronym describing it - Left, Cab, Right, Merlot.

Cabernet Sauvignon

Syrah

Malbec

Bordeaux AOC

Cotes du Rhone AOC

Tuscan DOCG

Piedmont DOCG

Sangiovese of really any location in Italy but whatever

Chianti/Chianti Classico DOCG

Italian dry red wines of any kind fuck it

Rioja

Ribeira del Duero

there's so many Portuguese wines too. I can't remember all these okay just try to do European red wines whenever you can. They do Pinot Noir in Germany too. God there's so much my brain hoirts

I'm afraid Tumblr's going to kill my document at this point so I'm just going to say when you've really reached the point that you feel comfortable drinking most of those transition wines or spirits or drinks and have a feel for what you do and don't like, you can pretty much try anything and have some degree of enjoyment of it without being put off by an alcohol taste. Learning to drink alcoholic beverages without reflexing from the taste of alcohol is an acquired skill and will not come overnight. But there is a lot of fun culture and history to explore in alcoholic beverages -- learning how to taste and discover notes in wines and spirits and beers, as well as learning how people make different alcoholic beverages, the creation of cocktails, craft beers, craft spirits, new wines, different styles of wines ETC. ETC. there's a big world here and I think it's worthy of being elaborated on.

[oranges-arent-fruits-idiot]

this is for the whole system but it's ara rn

lock screen is dirk strider fanart cause he's so babygirl

chocolate we fucking hate cheese

i mean we have like 20+ nicknames but mainly kae (short for kaeso, our system and collective name)

we last listened to joyful girl by ani difranco (it's so good u should check out ani she's epic)

yes we write fanfic for fun sometimes but it's just a continuation of things we like

we are not on discord :/

we have our ears pierced lol

we think someone's long term behavior says a lot about them, not first impressions

we would be a triple chocolate cookie cause we're a bad decision who keeps you up at night ;)

we have had dogs all our life but we like cats more cause they don't bark and we're incredibly noise sensitive

headphones 100% cause it's hard as hell to break them but we don't own any

"is that biblically accurate freddy fazbear?" in response to a photo of a cat with a top hat

weird fact: if bunnies get wet they die

we are a bit of both since we sleep from midnight-4am est and get up immediately but function really well at night

we nap in bed lol

of course we're every flavor of gay what did you expect

insomniac goat child

jeans 100000% we fucking hate sweatpants

we don't go to starbucks but if we did it would probs be a hot chocolate or one of those fucking energy drink fruit things they keep advertising

we can't stand yellow, wdk why

our most prized possession is probs our guitar we named jessicaa. she's our prized possession.

tea 10000000000%

we fucking love mesosaurs they're epic look them up

we've been on tumblr for a couple months now and we intend to be on here til the end of time

we would bring snans unddertheale (there's gregory, why the fuck is he wanting to bring sans.)

our aesthetic is 70's teenage gay canadian bimbo

our dream job is either a:

music/history teacher

sole creator of our different art projects (animated tv show about DID and mental illness, books, other sitcoms, creepypastas, music, giant fucking epic paintings, etc)

criminal justice lawyer

full time engineering/gaming content creator

and/or sole owner/employee of a small plushie/accessory/kandi/cosplay/giant fucking mecha kaju suit making business

a few of us are very taken with the best person we've ever met they're so amazing we're so fucking happy to have an awesome gf. the rest of us are either adult fictives who are aroace/involved with someone in their source or a child.

our fav outfit is a green and blue and brown and white striped shirt with long navy jorts, a brown belt, tall white socks, black vans or converse with handmade platforms soles and beaded laces, a old digital watch our mom got in the 80's, a silk hair tie to tie up our hella long wolf cut/mullet, our crocheted cross body bag with ~15 fnaf keychains, and our fucking awesome kandi collection.

we know all the lyrics to all the songs on our 75+ hour playlist which has 1,400+ songs caus we're fucking crazy

our hair is a dark blonde but we wanna dye it light pink with platinum roots

we talk to ourselves all the fucking time cause we're a system and we also have some alters who are hyper verbal (we think that's the word) who don't shut up ever

we wear makeup sometimes but it depends on who's fronting and what our gender is at the time

best compliment was probably when our best friend genuinely wanted to hang out with us. sounds really sad but the fact that anyone would even like or respect us is fucking insane to us cause we got really fucking bullied lol (sorry to get deep but that's just the truth)

@bloodyraremedium ily /p

~ 💖 ASK GAME 💖 ~

📷 What’s set as your phone’s lockscreen?

🍫 Cheese or chocolate?

✨ Do you have any nicknames?

🎵 Last song you listened to?

✏️ Have you ever written fanfiction?

😏 Are you on discord?

 💛 Do you have any piercings?

🐰 What do you think says the most about a person?

🍪 If you were a cookie, what kind would you be?

🐶 Are you more of a dog person or a cat person?

🎧 Headphones or earbuds?

🌼 What’s the last thing you said out loud?

🙃 What’s a weird fact that you know?

🦉 Are you a morning person or a night owl?

🧸 Favorite place to nap?

🏳️‍🌈 Are you a member of the LGBTQIA+ community?

🦋 Describe yourself in three words.

👖 Jeans or sweatpants?

🥤 What’s your go-to Starbucks order?

🧡 A color you can’t stand?

💎 What’s your most prized possession?

☕ Coffee or tea?

🦖 Favorite extinct animal?

🌙 How long have you been on tumblr?

🌴 Desert island item?

🐸 Describe your aesthetic.

🔮 What’s your dream job?

💙 Relationship status?

🌿 Describe your favorite outfit.

🎤 Is there a song you know all the lyrics to?

🤎 What color is your hair?

💌 Do you talk to yourself?

💄 Do you wear makeup?

🌸 Best compliment you ever received?

💞 @ your favorite blog.

Reblogs are appreciated!

[number1weirdo2010]

The Prison of education

hey guys ! so i am if you don't already know a Non-binary , bisexual , dyslexic and autistic person . I want to be a writer of some sort in my spare time so I decided to practise on tumblr . please no hate Im trying my best and trying to share my experence of bulling and homophobia while expresing my imagination thru characters anyway thanks for reading and any requests or advise on writing please don't hesitate to ask !

!!! warning: mention of su!c!de thoughts , bullying : !!!!!

im going to write this in the first person but i will be changing a few names for privacy purposes!

5:30am alarm is blaring , i can feel the damp whether without even looking out the curtain it's time to get out of my bed . which for me is one of the hardest tasks of the day as all i want to do i stay in my warm, comfortable bed and sleep away any of my worry's . Although I know i cant do that . My legs are heavy like 50 pound weights , my head is banging and throbing with a headache that feels like a strong wave forcing me back down to the pillow . I have to resit . I look in the mirror and instantly feel this rage of gender dismorphia , ARE YOU A GIRL , ARE YOU A BOY , PICK A SIDE , U DONT DESERVE TO LIVE . i force my self to block it out with the blast of music in my headphones . i pick up my toothbrush , on goes the toothpaste and into my mouth . some people don't like the mint flavor , i hate it but some times i feel like i deserve the burn . I put on some shorts and a baggy t-shirt , trainers on and out for a run by 6:00am.

home a 7:00am still hate the way i look but i have no more time to work on it now i have to shower and pack my things for school. Now second battle of the day breakfast or no breakfast ? It's the only thing i can control , to make myself look thin or more masc at this point I do not know so to make my life slightly easier i skip it . I kiss my mum on the head tell her Im ok and that i will see her later . i open and close my door , hands shaking i lock using my old , rusty key . choking back tears i think un my head what will they say today , my hair ? The way i wear my uniform ? What bag i choose to wear ? my sexuality ? my gender confusion ? the reading book ? what i eat ? the list goes on . standing at the gate , there it is .

The Prison of Education .

greeted by the teachers i put on my mask , my virtual mask , a smile. time for form , i can just about stand up let alone walk to the 3rd floor. I must not let anyone know how i feel so . I smile.

i open my form room door slowly to be greeted with a perverted form room teacher , laughter and sniggering . I suddenly feel overwhelmed as if i want to die on the spot as if i want the floor to eat me whole as if i didn't exsist so that these bully's wouldn't have to put them selfs out to bully me . there i go again trying to make THERE lives easy with me not in it . i sit down in my seat , sweating , holding my breath as if if i exhale ill be shot on the spot which at this point i wish would happen . time passes while i feel like im going to pass out . i can feel them staring at me , all of them there judgemental eyes trying to figure out what i am . well i don't even know myself . 2 lessons pass and now its break time and ofcorse as i step out the classroom there they all are , all 13 of them . im backed into a corner where i am verbally , mentally abused but hey it's just me im fine i should be used to it by now . the minuetes go by i feel trapped until i finally break down . crying , i can't breathe , alone .

finally the end of the day all i want to do is go home and lay under the covers . I know i cant , i have to help my mum she has enough to worry about DON'T TELL HER but i know she will make me feel better either way .

a bit of time with my mum later and im back in the same place . the mirror , judgeing , hating on myself but hey tommorow is a new day right a new day of struggles .

the end... For now .

thanks so much guys for reading i understand it's a bit dark and i do apologise but i wanted to spread awarness or bulling and the affects of it on surtain people please dont hate on puntuallity and spelling im trying my best many thanks

Heidi (liam xoxo ) !

[jmkitsune]

1 12 13 14 20 21 27 37 39 43

1:Virgin?

Not since 2005

12:Relationship status

Single yet dunno how to mingle soo gimme a pringle (preferably the cheese pringles)

13:Biggest turn ons

well intelligence for one, and not just one type, like if you are smarter than me- I'm interested. But I assume this relates to sexual turn ons...so like uhhh

intelligence and passion. I love when someone I'm into is smarter than me about something (or everything) because I wanna know that I can have intelligent conversations and not only shallow ones if that makes sense. Even if the conversation is you explaining everything to me cause I don't understand. TEACH ME what you excel in or passionate about something to the point that they have to like pull me into the orbit it has on them so that it can be a shared interest. Even if it doesn't become a hyperfocus for me I'll find a way to share interest for her.

eyes- I love people's eyes though I have the hardest time maintaining eye contact, but if I am attracted to you- I'll be able to stare at your eyes all the time because they'll be one of my favorite features on you

there are others but those are more intimate so hopefully the above are good enough

14:Biggest turn offs

assuming this pertains to sexually speaking:

I have lost 100% attraction to people because I learn their ideals/views don't align with mine so there is that, and im not talking bout like they like hazelnut coffee and I like decaf I mean like they were conservative, pro gun, or some other IDEAL IDEALS

I am not a fan of HYPER independent people, I'm someone who wants to be needed and needs equally as so, I can't be with someone who wants me around part time.

smoking/drugs/booze are VERY fast turn offs- like to each their own i don't care what you do with your life, but if you're hoping im into you, doing those things isn't gonna be a good point in your favor relationship wise >.>

20:What I hate most about myself

*points to the head* PROBBABLY the mental illnesses lol

21:What I love most about myself

uhhhhh goood question...I guess my creative side, like my ability to world build/tell stories/etc writing wise and ttrpg wise is probably my favorite thing bout me

27:A description of the girl/boy I like

I don't think I have an answer for this

37:One of my insecurities

just one? fine uhhh I can't stand my voice (yes the irony is not lost on me since I stream/do youtube/am a GM)

39:My favorite ice cream flavor

vanilla and strawberry

43:Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately

*blinks confusedly in demisexual*

thanks for the questions anon

Wanna be Nosy- here's your chance post

[cavalryofwoah]

New Year's Wisdom

(A few days late)

If you aren't comfortable with this philosophy, that probably means you should hear it.

Anything worth doing is worth doing badly

Lots of people have said this idea before, but it bears repeating! It changed my life!

You might feel compelled to argue, "But Woah, isn't that the exact opposite of what common (US American at least) life advice says? Isn't the saying, 'Anything worth doing is worth doing well?'"

This is the philosophy that drags down perfectionists, disabled and chronically ill people, mentally ill people, and everybody else. This is the do or die attitude that results in many people feeling powerless and doing nothing at all.

If you can't brush your teeth for 2 minutes, 10 seconds is still better than nothing. Can't brush twice a day, once is still better than nothing.

Unable to brush with toothpaste, brushing without or using mouth wash is better than trying to never open your mouth again, and feeling horrible for lack of hygiene, yes? (Or perhaps "adult" toothpaste is a problem, and it would be worth trying the different flavors meant for kids)

This doesn't just apply to hygiene although I feel strongly about cleaning your teeth the best you can, no matter your level of functionality, because you're stuck with those teeth for the rest of your life and they're very expensive if they deteriorate. It is worth at least 3 spoons if you can spare them.

Eating fast food is better than not eating, etc.

If you can't go to every class, showing up to some is better than never going.

Submitting an unfinished or unpolished assignment is 100% better than not turning in anything! Partial credit is STILL CREDIT, and it can make the difference between passing or not. Also, professors are much more willing to work with you if they think you're putting some effort in, even if it's not their idea of perfect.

If the idea of a full shower and scrubbing is exhausting, just commit to relaxing under the water. Once you're in there you might find the ability to wash your body or your hair specifically, but if all you do is stand there in running water for a few minutes, you will be cleaner and feel better than if you had done nothing.

Whatever you are struggling with doing, I promise you that doing it badly is better than not doing it at all. Do what you can with the spoons and resources you can, and don't punish yourself for it not being perfect.

When you feel like your options are perfection or nothing, and you can't achieve perfection, you do... nothing. And then things pile up, and you feel even worse about not doing things, which often makes you even less likely to do anything. Resist this idea.

If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly.

[m00nycore]

𝙒𝙄𝙏𝙃 𝘼𝙇𝙇 𝙊𝙁 𝙈𝙔 𝙎𝙏𝙐𝙋𝙄𝘿 𝙃𝙀𝘼𝙍𝙏 ;; 𝙛𝙞𝙫𝙚

𝙞𝙣 𝙬𝙝𝙞𝙘𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙞𝙩𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙘𝙖𝙥𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙙𝙖𝙧𝙠𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙞𝙨 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 .

𝙎𝙀𝙍𝙄𝙀𝙎 𝙈𝘼𝙎𝙏𝙀𝙍𝙇𝙄𝙎𝙏

𝙙𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙤 𝙢𝙖𝙡𝙛𝙤𝙮 𝙭 𝙤𝙘 (𝙖𝙜𝙚𝙙 𝙪𝙥 𝙩𝙬𝙤 𝙮𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙨)

𝙏/𝙒 : 𝙢𝙞𝙡𝙙 𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙪𝙖𝙜𝙚, 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙥𝙝𝙤𝙣𝙚’𝙨 𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙗𝙡𝙚𝙢𝙨, 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙥𝙝𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙜𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙖 𝙣𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙤𝙪𝙨 𝙗𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙠𝙙𝙤𝙬𝙣, 𝙙��𝙖𝙘𝙤 𝙗𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖 𝙝𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙙

𝘼/𝙉 : 𝙞’𝙢 𝙨𝙤 𝙨𝙤𝙧𝙧𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞𝙩’𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙨𝙤 𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚’𝙨 𝙖 𝙣𝙚𝙬 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧!! 𝙬𝙚’𝙧𝙚 𝙜𝙤𝙣𝙣𝙖 𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙤 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙙𝙧𝙖𝙢𝙖 .. 𝙝𝙤𝙥𝙚 𝙮’𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙤𝙣𝙚 :)) 𝙞 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙢𝙞𝙨𝙚 𝙞’𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙩. 𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚 𝙡𝙚𝙩 𝙢𝙚 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙞𝙩! 𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙤𝙧 𝙤𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙤𝙣𝙨? 𝙩𝙗𝙝 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙙𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙞𝙨 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙨 𝙢𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙤 𝙬𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚. 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙠 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙡𝙡 <3

𝙏𝘼𝙂𝙇𝙄𝙎𝙏 : @dreaming-about-fanfictions @lord-byron @drxcomvlfx @neocityslut @gloryekaterina @sunles @cherrytomato2 @confuscita

Draco couldn't help but glare as he descended the stairs from the dormitories.

It was odd, even to him. He couldn't have cared less about Persephone's friendship with Blaise prior to the engagement, betrothal be damned. Now, however... Draco Malfoy was infuriated by the sight of his fiancée cozied up to Zabini.

"Darling," Draco purred, approaching the two, and surprising himself with how genuine it sounded, how soothing he sounded, in contrast to the rage he felt.

Persephone looked up, confusion written on her features for a sixteenth of a second. Her face quickly smoothed into a smile—seemingly genuine, but Draco knew better.

Again, he made a mental note to learn the secret to her happiness.

"Blaise," Draco greeted. The boy nodded in response.

His fiancée was small enough for him to fit in the chair with her. He rested a hand on her thigh and couldn't help but marvel at how his hand dwarfed her leg.

"Feeling better?" Persephone asked, a hint of concern coloring her tone. Another surprise.

"Much, thank you," he replied, managing a smile.

Blaise had his brow furrowed.

"You speak like business partners," he remarked.

Draco was aware of his quick temper—but awareness was not synonymous with control, no, never for Draco.

"You'd do well, Zabini," he seethed, removing his hand from her thigh. "To keep yourself out of our relationship."

"Draco," Persephone warned. "That was unnecessary."

"I won't allow him to speak ill of—"

"You aren't in charge of him."

"I'll leave you to it," Blaise was smirking as he rose from his seat, and Draco resisted the urge to draw his wand and jinx him.

Persephone sighed, closing her eyes.

"Could you not be so sour?" she wondered, annoyed by the display. "He's right, Draco. Every interaction we have is as if...," she paused and ran a hand through her curls, struggling to find the words. "It's as if we're being held at wand-point."

Draco was silent, mulling over her words. Anger, of course, was at the forefront of his mind... but she was right.

But he smirked.

"Your love poem in potions seemed rather genuine."

She exhaled, the slight curve of her lips betraying her amusement.

"I thought I did a decent job of dressing up your... odor."

"Odor?" He asked, offended, and ruining their first semblance of a lighthearted conversation. He sounded the way he used to, pompous, stupid, and the realization dampened his mood.

Frowning, as if she had sensed the flavor of his distaste in the air, she ghosted her hand over his arm.

"Sorry, I just—"

And without another word, he stood and made a move to exit the common room. He was tired, far too tired.

Draco Malfoy was too tired to pretend.

Every day that had passed since the first term began was as excruciating as the first.

Wren recognized that she had became the subject of scrutiny among her peers, and, honestly, she couldn't blame them. She would have been a fool to expect anything different. Between her sudden engagement and obvious personal deterioration, whispers and stares were the least of her worries.

But the unyielding gaze of Harry Potter was fueling her anxiety.

She wanted to tell him, to beg him, to stop, to let her focus on classwork and how to breathe. Green eyes followed her through classes, halls, and mealtimes. He observed her whereabouts, her tone, her gait... he was perceptive, it seemed, in matters related to Draco Malfoy.

Unfortunately, she had fallen under that category.

Wren assumed Draco was off plotting the murder of Albus Dumbledore when he hadn't shown for breakfast. Truthfully, it was bothersome that he was refusing to involve her in any plans he may have. For him, it wasn't out of care. It was his pride.

Blaise had elected to eat in solitude that grey morning. She found herself relieved—her own company was all she wanted. It was hard enough to choke down porridge alone... but with watchful eyes, it neared the impossible. Her status as Malfoy-to-be worked in her favor during such times—an even wider berth was given to her than before.

Until Harry Potter appeared at her shoulder.

"Persephone," he greeted, awkwardly. "Er—how are you?"

It was in that moment, when Wren found herself at the verge of hyperventilating, that she realized she may have needed psychological help.

The stares the interaction had already attracted made her hands shake more violently than they had already been prone to. She gripped her napkin so tightly that she thought her bones would burst through her skin.

He saw you on the train. He knows. You heard his bone crush under Draco's sole. You're not innocent. He knows.

She wondered if admittance to Saint Mungo's following a nervous breakdown would exempt her from the mission.

Breath, she reminded herself. He can't hurt you. You're in control. Act the way you were taught—or you'll end up like mum.

In an instant, she had regained composure.

"Good morning, Harry," she greeted, with a smile that might have been dazzling months ago. "I'm alright—ready for the weekend, of course. Yourself?"

He looked slightly confused, which almost reassured her—but she had hesitated a second too long. She knew he had caught it.

Breathe.

"Brilliant," he responded slightly too quickly. The word had tumbled from his mouth, indicating he had his script written and he didn't want to forget it.

"Um... was that all?" she wondered, mirroring his awkward disposition, and slightly cocking her head to the side. Good, play innocent, she praised herself. You can avoid this. Evade it.

"Well...," Harry scratched the back of his head, looking towards the Gryffindor table. She followed his eyes to the disapproving gaze of Hermione Granger, as well as the scrutiny of Ron Weasley.

"I was just wondering," he lowered his voice. "I was curious about your... relationship... with Malfoy."

"My engagement?" She continued to feign innocence. "What's there to be curious about?" She made a point to glance down at her engagement ring with a smile.

"You've never talked to Malfoy much before," his inflection was becoming bolder, challenging.

"Harry," she exhaled, still smiling. "Draco and I grew up together... I love him, and he loves me. It just... took us a while to realize, is all."

"I don't believe it," he whispered, harsh, an edge to his tone.

"I can't help you there, then," she returned, an edge forming in her own inflection. The stares from other students remained steady. She wondered what Blaise made of it, or if he cared enough to even pay attention. Her nerves had receded, shifting to irritation.

Harry searched her face, but she had molded her mask. She was impenetrable, unyielding.

"Persephone," his tone took on a different tone, one of... desperation. Pleading. "You were on the train. I know you know what's going on—please, just tell me. I-I can help you, alright? I know you're not like him."

Fortunately for Wren, she had settled into her part, and was damn good at playing it.

"Listen, Potter," she hissed, cold, dangerous. "You'd do well to leave behind your delusions about myself, my fiancé, and our relationship. Chosen One or not, you have no right to project your savior fantasies onto me. I don't need your help. I'll be sure your wedding invitation makes it to the cupboard under the stairs," she snarled, standing.

As she approached the exit to the Great Hall, she spotted Draco entering.

It was a snap decision, and she had never been so thankful for the unwanted attention the morning had provoked.

Taking in the tiredness, the irritation, the questioning written on his visage, Persephone Wren Bardick grabbed Draco Malfoy by the lapels of his suit and pressed her lips to his.

[crown-anon]

@hearts1ck my beloved

November 1st

CW: explicit; more CWs under the cut

format: one-shot

people: GeorgeNotFound

pronouns: he/him; reader has male anatomy; more specifics under the cut

edited 14 March 2021

anonymous asked

consider. okay. CONSIDER. consider masochist george. okay?? okay. okay LISTEN.

I think I have a problem with gimmicks also. because. because. ever since strawberry milk george, I. I have not stopped thinking about strawberry flavored lube. because! listen okay hear me out.

(this is absolutely 110% a response to discovering that you share a birthday with him. what of it?)

I know everyone likes pillow princess george and. that's okay. that's FINE. these are not mutually exclusive.

george looking up at you with The LookTM wearing some pink strawberry milk lingerie. not even lingerie really! just something cute like that

& him being like. "I know you love me 👉👈 but I need you to fuck me like you don't"

so I was. thinking. that brat george is the exact kind of person to say (playfully & consensually) "but I don't wanna give you head, I just wanna fuck >:(" after you've got him worked up, maybe from teasing him throughout the day, or edging him a little. but you still need some type of lube. so you go to apply the first bottle you see and he's pink when he asks you "😳 is that ... strawberry ... ?" and you're confused like ??? bro you just asked me to fuck you into next week why're you interested in the flavored lube

but. but listen. he would get so enthusiastic about it. at first it's just "maybe I can stand to eat them out just a little bit before ..." and then after you come the first time it devolves really, really quickly into the need to just. take care of you. and it stretches on until you've come three or four times, and you're still shaking, and he's just. completely gone in subspace

hmm ... george climbing up onto your lap when he's done with you, going in to give you a kiss, and he tastes like strawberry. and he ends up moaning right into your mouth because he's been so horny but so? understimulated?? that he outright jumps as soon as his dick grazes your thigh. it would only take a couple stuttery grinds before he's finishing on both of your stomachs

and he's just so cute when comes, or when he bites down on your shoulder to keep himself quiet. and it's your birthdays. so, you decide you'll give him a reason to cry. and he'll finally get put in his place! it's a win-win for both of you!!

istg every time I send you an ask I discover something new about myself. you. you have made a dreamteam simp out of me. I am but a shell of the man I once was. I think I should thank you? [👑]

hearts1ck

i say this nearly every time you send stuff in but...... by god you own my soul. all of it. this – i – first of all, the implications of masochist george losing his fucking mind when you’re rough with him? guhhhfjklgjgf. and ,..d,,f,,, ,, ,, george in pink lingerie. i. i . a... pink satin slip maybe or .... ohghfd; oh my god those. that cat panty/bra set. im ascending im losing my brain as i type this i cannot –

okay im back on earth. he’d get into that rhythm and settle like liquid while he gets to work on you, and his subspace face is so self-satisfied and nearly smug so he’s just having the time of his life,,, and he makes such a loud noise when his dick twitches against your thigh and maybe... JUST MAYBE he whimpers extra watery when you drag his hips to grind against where you’re wet and dripping/your spent cock as if he’s the one who’d get overstimulated by it. when he finally leans away, eyelids heavy, you gently fit your hand over his jaw and ask, “did you even ask? it’s one thing to come without permission, but not even caring to ask? georgie, i might just be offended,” and he whines “green”s against your neck before you even check-in

and because u made it abt both of our birthdays ,,,, spanks for each year we’ve been alive methinks ??? and then the scratch down his ass gets him hard again and he’s so embarrassed by it, ,,, , ,, ,, ,, ,, ,

also thank god you’ve joined the george boat. i’m so proud of myself for hopefully being part of the reason you got dragged over here HJFKDHSKD

#👑 anon #(my beloved) #keep #anon thoughts: george #redsick #SHAWTY WANT THE WHOLE CREW SHAWTY BAD

as soon as you said birthday spanks I decided I had to write more about this. and I was going to leave more snippets in your askbox like the fucking gremlin creature I am, but then my thoughts started. actually having structure? and then I started writing it. and I tried to do homework and write on study breaks only but. I just kept coming back to this. this is the polar opposite of writer's block. I think I'm cursed or something. so here I am rushing to finish this so that I may rest in peace!!

yes I've been writing nonstop since I sent you that ask. what of it. what the fuck of it.

when I said I discover something new about myself every time we interact, I. I'm serious. I think I might be insane or something. I'm way too sadistic. you'll see. what the fuck is this? what the fuck did I just write??

this would have done so much critical psychic damage if I had posted it on November 1st in real life, but mental illness says I can't let my horny thoughts rattle around in my brain for that long. so!! it's you guys's problem now xoxoxo

I'm not fucking proofreading this. love you though 💗

I did end up proofreading actually. oops! looks like posting at 23:00 isn't always a good idea.

November 1st

CW: explicit, anal (kind of vague), bondage (collar + leash), corruption, domspace (I think??), edging, handjob, humiliation, masochism, oral, praise, sadism, spanking, subspace, swearing. I call George a whore and a slut at least once. and also, George calls yellow at one point. this one kind of surprised me so just. Be Careful. I cannot believe I wrote this. I don't know where this came from.

format: one-shot

people: GeorgeNotFound

pronouns: he/him; I use the word "sir;" reader has male anatomy; I use the words "cock," "dick," and "head;" reader can ejaculate

—

dawn shines through drawn curtains, illuminating the tile floor and your robed figure reflecting off it. batter sizzles in the skillet as you flip the last pancake over. this side looks golden brown, like honeycomb or caramelized sugar. that delicious, freshly-baked fragrance mingles with scented candles. it's perfect, you smile. he's going to love it.

you lift the pancake with a spatula, stacking it on top of the others on his plate. you bring it to his seat at the table, along with the butter, the syrup, the honey, the jam…and you go to pour him a drink.

"hey baby," you greet warmly to the sleepyhead rubbing his eyes in the entryway, still clinging to a pillow. his hair's a mess, only wearing socks and a sweatshirt that reaches down past his thighs. you reckon he'd only just crawled out of bed.

"morning…" he yawns, stumbling past you to take his seat.

"milk?" you ask, he only nods. "did you sleep okay?"

he hums affirmatively. "I…can we…"

one track mind, you joke inwardly. but you don't blame him. "of course," you open the fridge.

you hear him pause. "…is it too early for that?"

"no, no!" you give him a lighthearted laugh. "I kind of expected it, to be honest…I want it, too."

he's silent under the noise of you rummaging through the fridge. "I—"

"sorry—it looks like all we have is strawberry milk. is that alright?"

"yeah…yeah, that's alright. I…actually…wanted to try something new." you shut the fridge, he's fidgeting in his seat.

"hit me with it," your expression is gentle. you pass his cup off to him, but he holds his hand over yours a little too long, looking up at you.

"fuck me like you hate me."

you don't know if it's hearing him swear, or the way he said it so calmly, or how he closed his eyes and swallowed hard before his tone could dip down into something lower. but like a match in an torrent of gasoline, suddenly you're burning up.

you only realize you're staring when he bites his lip and looks down. you start to say something, but the words don't form.

he laughs nonthreateningly, covering his mouth with the back of his hand. "is that a yes?"

you laugh with him. "I…yes, absolutely yes." you turn back around to make your own stack of pancakes. "you should eat first, though."

"what?" he teases. "will I need the energy?"

you smile. "yeah. I think you will." you can practically feel him open his mouth in protest, but he stays silent after that.

and it stays mostly silent while you cook your pancakes. you hear the clinking of his fork on his plate, but it isn't very disruptive. it sounds like he's hurrying to finish his food.

when you go back to the table with your own platter, he's already done eating. he's red down to his neck, fidgeting with the hem of his sweatshirt, looking at you expectantly. you spot a pair of tassels peeking out from under it, just below his hip bones. is that…

he pulls the hem up just a bit, holding your gaze. he smiles, apparently satisfied watching your face heat up.

"I—you should go…go get ready," you manage. he gets up before you even finish your sentence, only stopping to give you a quick kiss on the cheek.

except it isn't quick, when he slides his hand down to rest firmly on your collar, and leans in to trail kisses down your neck. "a-and leave that on," you stutter.

he pauses, just under your jaw. "leave what on?" he murmurs.

your breath catches, you shut your eyes. "whatever the fuck it is you're wearing under there."

he's hardly grazing your skin, but you can feel how hot he is next to you. it takes all of your willpower not to shiver.

he pulls back quickly, only his hand lingering. "I don't know what you're talking about." and just like that, he disappears into your bedroom.

you reach up a hand tentatively to your collar, hot to the touch. I'm in way too deep, you decide, and force yourself to take a bite of your food despite your nerves.

—

"that," you hiss. "that fucking outfit. that."

"oh, this?" he bites his lip, hooking his thumb in the keyhole. "this's just what I went to bed in last night."

"fuck you. we both know that isn't true."

he tugs gently on his top, pulling it a little to the side. "what's the big deal? can't I wear something special for my birthday?"

"it's special, all right," and you leave it at that, opting instead to slot between his legs where he sits waiting on the edge of the bed. you bring up a hand to cup his jaw, brushing your thumb across his cheek. you'll never get enough of the way he looks at you, like you're intoxicating.

…? you frown.

"is something…missing?" he perks up instantly at "missing."

"what…?" he chooses his words carefully.

"the collar—your collar. where is it?" you turn away to start going through your bedside table, but the way his lips quirk up into a sly smile isn't lost on you.

that's lube…that's a vibrator…where the fuck is it…? "w-what collar?" he stumbles over his words.

your mind jumps to say, the collar that came with that outfit, or I know you know what I'm talking about, but you won't give him the satisfaction. you decide to speak a little darker, only a firm "George." you hear him swallow.

"w-well," his voice is shaky, "you only told me to leave on whatever I was wearing under my shirt. and…I wasn't wearing that collar at breakfast…s-so technically…"

you stop looking immediately. you turn to take him in, legs crossed, stance confident, but expression showing uncertainty. you can see the regret on his face. "get up." he takes a shallow breath. "get up."

"I'm—"

"don't I'm sorry me," you snap. "you look for your fucking collar on your own."

he slips off the bed, looking ashamed, but starts digging through the drawer all the same. "I really am sorry," he murmurs. you take his place sitting on the bed. he finds what he's looking for rather quickly: a simple white leather collar with a bell, and a leash. he hands them off to you shyly. "um, here…"

"good boy," you praise. "kneel."

he shuts his eyes and does as he's told. you can see the bliss wash over his face just at being ordered around. his lips part a little as he lets out a heavy breath. if only I knew what this would do to him, you muse, I'd have done this ages ago.

you fasten the collar, revelling in how he shivers at the gentle sensation of cold leather hanging around his neck. you leave it a little bit loose, but still comfortable, and hook the leash in its place. he sits obediently still on his knees, looking deep in thought.

"Oh, I know what I'm gonna do to you," you bait. "how old are you today?"

"mmm. twenty-five." he looks down.

you smile, holding tight onto the leash. "I'm gonna edge you. twenty-five times."

he flinches away immediately, yet hums in pleasant surprise when the leash snaps taught. the bell jingles stiffly. "no way. that's way too much."

"I think you should've thought about that before you wore that to breakfast," you decide, tugging a little. he's caught off-guard and stumbles forward, stopping himself by leaving a clumsy pair of kisses on the inside of your thigh. the metal and leather feel refreshingly cool against your feverish skin. "we've got all day, baby."

you expect to hear some kind of protest, you're crazy. or a playful taunt, I'm better off doing this by myself. but he knits his brows and openly moans at the thought. "all day…" he repeats.

he looks up at you, almost pleading, and you can hear the resignation in his voice when he whispers "alright."

"get up here," you command. "on top of me." as he climbs up into your lap, a little too eagerly, you add, "and take your dick out."

you shrug your robe off your shoulders while he's working on his panties, and without thinking, you ask, "color?"

he stops, leaving his head poking cutely over the waistband. he looks up at you again. "…what?"

"um…color," you explain. "like, how are you doing? is this okay? I don't actually want to hurt you. uhhh…green means good, yellow means slow down, and red means stop."

he stifles a laugh. "you're such a nerd. I'm okay."

"alright." you blush a little. "we can stop whenever you need to. this is for you…" you think of something horribly unsexy to say. "…birthday boy."

now he's really laughing, with his whole body. you think the way it makes his collar jingle is cute. "oh my god. shut up. just shut up," his expression turns serious, and he drops to a whisper, "and fuck me."

that got you hot again. you pull him by the leash into a kiss, you bite his lip, you eat him up. and you grab the both of you together with your other hand, you moan in tandem. you can feel how you took him by surprise in the way he twitches under your thumb, the way he leans into you with his whole body. you part from the kiss and he leans back on his heels, panting hard, holding on to your shoulders for support. you can feel him shaking a little.

when you move your hand all the way up the first time, you squeeze both of your heads gently, and he practically falls into you. muffled in the crook of your neck, he begs, "god, do that again."

so you do. again. and again. what was a string of stuttered breaths turns into a single broken moan as you jerk the both of you off. when you think you're getting close, you let go of yourself to focus all your attention on him.

"fuck, sir," he whines—hahaha, that sir made your cock leak a little. he shut his eyes tight. "I-I-I think—I think I'm—"

just like that, you stop, and he goes slack, practically laying on you. but he doesn't grind back, or even move to touch himself. that won't last very long.

you let him come back down, knowing edging takes a lot out of you; maybe even more so than actually coming does. slowly but surely, his breathing steadies. you rub between his shoulderblades affectionately, still trying to ground yourself, too.

once you've found your voice again, you question, "are you gonna count for me?"

he makes a sound against your skin, somewhere between excitement and fear. "…o-one." you revel in how fucked-out he sounds already.

"one what?" you prod.

he seems at a loss, like he's forgotten himself, what he said. after a minute or two of pondering, he catches on. "…sir."

it's your turn to moan. your dick jumps at the honorific, still mostly untouched against your stomach. "good boy." and you dive back in. twenty-four to go.

—

it's noon. you're working on nineteen. and your partner's getting much more…expressive. he's started biting his hand to keep himself quiet, but he's still…

"I-I—oh fuck, I'm—fuck, I-I'm—I'm—" he whimpers through his teeth. and he yelps, whole body shaking, bell jingling incessantly, when he comes all over your hand and stomach.

you take your hand off him immediately, and this time he does try to reach down, ride through it, but you grab both his wrists to stop him. he grinds down uselessly against your thigh and your dick. although you're still hard, and only a hairline trigger away from coming yourself, it doesn't stop you from keeping this brat in line. you only bite your lip and close your eyes.

he leans his forehead against yours, moving in to give you a kiss, but you push him away.

"did you never learn how to fucking count?" you growl.

he winces. "I-I-I-I'm…I'm sorry—"

you scowl at your hand, covered in come. "here, slut," you raise it up to his lips. "clean this off for me."

he tears up a little, but takes your fingers into his mouth all the same. pretty quickly, though, he spits them back out.

"it doesn't taste good…" he complains.

"oh? oh, it doesn't?" you mock. "but it felt good, when you came without my permission, like a cheap fucking whore."

a couple of tears spill over, roll down his cheeks, yet he says nothing, only moving back in to lap his come off your hand. you can see it in his expression that he's not very happy about it, but he doesn't protest further.

"is this good enough, sir?" he asks, when it seems that he's gotten it all. it looks clean enough, you agree. you grab him by the chin, hooking your thumb in his mouth. you don't even have to tell him to suck.

"you come without my approval again, and it's over. you can go back to playing minecraft—or what-the-fuck-ever—with your friends for your birthday. do you want to sleep on the couch, Georgie?"

if he wasn't crying before, he's definitely crying now. he doesn't shake his head, but he circles your fingertip with his tongue enthusiastically, as if to say, I'll be good, I'll be good this time, looking up at you doe-eyed.

"bend over for me," you demand. "across my lap."

he does so immediately. he slips a little bit while he's changing positions, you hear the bell ring, and he scrambles to correct himself. he settles with his ankles crossed and his head in his hands, propping himself up on his elbows. you feel a little bad, you admit, but you won't budge; he has a safeword, you trust that he'll use it.

"let's try that again," your tone softens. "I want you to count for me, okay?"

he nods.

you pull his panties to the side, pause briefly, and bring down your hand with a satisfying smack.

"ohhhhhh—" he moans, jolting a little. "—holy shit, did you just spank me?"

your stomach drops, you go to rub him gently where you just hit him. "is that okay—?"

"it's hot, it's so hot, fuck," he shifts in your lap. "um, sorry…one."

seriously, something about hearing him swear awakens something in you, every time. you're fired up. you spank him again.

"mmm—two…" is he…? "three…"

you pause to massage his ass again, and to speak. "you're…you're hard again, aren't you?"

you didn't even spank him yet, but he lets out a moan. "fuck, I—I just. I want you. I want this. so, so much."

you wonder if this is actually the same George who was fidgeting with his pillow in the dining room this morning.

"you're so bad, getting turned on by something like this," you tease. he only moans in response.

"four—five—six—seven…" he chokes out. "it's starting to sting…"

you take a break, kneading the skin where your angry red handprint is starting to take shape.

"eight…nine…but god, it hurts so good…" he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. "ten…"

at ten, you linger for a moment, holding a handful of his ass. "does it?"

"yes—yesyesyes," he buries his face in the pillow, and shivers. "fuck, eleven…twelve…"

you pull his panties down to his knees, and switch sides. he lifts his hips up, so I can reach him better, you guess. you don't miss the telltale glint of a butt plug, but you'll get to that later.

"thirteen—fourteen—fifteen—sixteen," he moans between slaps. he's gripping the pillowcase so hard his knuckles are white.

in this new position, the way he jumps with every hit makes his cock brush against yours just right. fuck, you're still hard from earlier. this time you're the one who whimpers.

"seventeen, eighteen," he pauses, breathless. you pull gently on his leash, he arches his back and moans, "n-nineteen." his bell jingles.

he grinds down, just for a moment, and the friction is delicious. you're a little dizzy, you think you might've thrust back. you both sigh at the feeling.

"…t-twenty…see? I-I can count…I'm a good boy…I'm good for you…aren't I?"

"you are," you murmur, but you aren't sure he hears you. "you're so good…"

"twenty-one—twenty-two…I-I feel like I haven't done anything right today…twenty-three…"

"…George…?" you hear a muffled sob.

"twenty-four…" he mumbles.

"George?" you start to get concerned. he just keeps crying. "hey…" you whisper. you gently prompt him to turn him over; the pillow's a little wet. you pull the panties off all the way, and get him out of the bra, which had a little stray come on it. you help him sit up in your lap, and pull him into a hug.

"am I really just a whore…?" he asks brokenly.

"you've been so good for me, baby. you've done everything I've asked." you wipe his tears away with your thumb. "are you okay?"

"but I—" he coughs. "—I came too soon, I came without your permission…"

you kiss his hair, and hold him to your chest. "you've been so patient. I'm proud of you."

he finally wraps his arms around you. "I-I'm sorry."

"nonsense," you reassure. "your comfort takes priority. are you okay? color?"

"I…" he searches for the words. "I dunno. yellow? I…that hurt, I think. being…degraded?"

you comb through his hair with your fingers. "I understand. thank you for telling me. I love you."

—

you stay like that for a minute. you grab him a snack and a drink, but for the most part, you just enjoy each other's company, tangled-up together. you don't bother putting your clothes back on.

it's later in the evening. you're straddling him, peppering his shoulders with kisses, and he's giggling underneath you. he turns over to give you a short and sweet kiss.

"baby?" he says, looking expectantly.

"what is it?" you sit back on your heels.

he hesitates. "…I wanna keep going. from earlier."

you're serious again. "are you sure you're okay?" you grab his hand, bringing it up to kiss his fingertips. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I'm alright," he assures. "I remember you promising me an all-day thing, though."

you blush, a little surprised by his forwardness. "of course. I think…I…" you laugh. "I wanna fuck you."

"yeah?" he smiles, leaning up close. "show me how much."

you hold his jaw while you kiss him, biting his bottom lip between your teeth. he tastes like the coffee and cream you made him earlier. you feel his breath hitch. he reaches up to hold your shoulders.

you pull back. "hey, blow me first."

"what? why?" he giggled.

"it's been a couple hours, I'm not hard anymore," you coax. "I thought you liked taking orders?"

he cringed. "but come tastes gross!"

you slid off him and hopped off the bed, opening the drawer. "suit yourself. you get to watch me jack off, then."

"fine by me, I think you look good when you masturbate."

"ohhh, I forget, you're too blissed-out to pay attention to how I look when you're getting fucking owned."

"I am not!"

"you are too!" he sticks his tongue out at you.

you open the lid, pouring a little on your hand, a little on your cock. it's translucent pink, seems a little fragrant. you give yourself a couple of strokes with a sigh.

he's quiet for a second, then, shyly, "um…is that…strawberry flavored…?"

you bite your lip. "I thought you weren't gonna give me head?"

"I was just curious." it's a weak lie, but you say nothing.

your eyes are shut, but you can feel him moving around a bit on the bed, you hear his bell ring a couple times. you feel a hand on your thigh, so you decide to peek. and holy shit.

your partner's made his way to the floor, on his knees between your legs, holding his leash in his mouth, his fucking mouth, what the fuck. his thumb's rubbing circles on the inside of your thigh. the half-lidded look he's giving you should be criminal.

"you—I thought you said you wouldn't…" you can't find the words. you reach out and take the leash from his mouth. you see your hand shake in front of you.

"I'm just watching…" he whispers, looking up at you, mesmerized.

you're only able to get a couple of pumps in before he's joining you, hand over yours as you get yourself off. just the extra sensation of somebody else's touch is enough to make you bite back a moan.

"fuck—!" you jolt when he licks a stripe up the underside. he mouths over the head, jerking you off on his own now. you move to grip the sheets in one hand, his leash in the other. and you come without warning. you see it end up on his hand and your stomach before you shut your eyes tight.

he's quiet while you're coming down, just helping you ride it out, giving you kisses on your thighs. when you look back down at him, he's got two of his fingertips in his mouth, licking them clean. he stands up abruptly, it startles you a little. you see his bell ring. and he grabs you by the hips and leans down to your midriff.

"…I don't think I cleaned you off all the way earlier…" he breathes, and he starts to lap up the mess of his and your come that's been on you since this afternoon.

what the fuck. why is this so hot? why is he so hot? all too soon, your spent cock twitches in interest at your lover. he cups it with a hand, smiling against your tummy. you're so sensitive it hurts. you think you mean to say something, but nothing comes out.

"hmm…?" he bites his lip. "you still want some more?" all you can do is whine. at this point, you don't know if it's in protest or invitation.

you don't get the chance to find out either, because fuck, he's really going down on you now. you don't know what the fuck he's doing with his tongue, or where his gag reflex went, but at this rate you're gonna come again.

"George—George, baby, I—slow down, I-I'm—" you plead. his leash slips out of your hand, you tip your head back.

he swallows.

—

the last thing you remember is coming harder than you ever have in your life. you think you held him by his hair. you might've fucked his mouth a little. he's never let you come in his mouth before…fuck…

it's nighttime now. he's riding your thigh, got one of his legs slotted between yours. the friction between his knee and your overstimulated cock feels embarrassingly good. you're so dizzy, all you can articulate is a loud moan. you don't sound at all like you remember. his bell keeps ringing and ringing and ringing as he grinds against you.

he leans down, one arm holding your hip, the other keeping himself propped up. he bites your shoulder, hard, hard enough to bruise. he comes on both of your stomachs.

"George," you beg. you're losing your voice.

"mmmmmmsir," he slurs. "fuck me."

"George, I…" you don't know what you're saying. the end of your sentence turns into a whimper.

"you need me to get you hard again? you need me to rile you up?" he turns to kiss your jaw, feeling around for your dick. "like this?"

"George," you sound urgent, until he squeezes right around the head, and you forget what you were saying. you're pretty fucking close to forgetting who you are entirely.

he sits up on top of you, grinning. "love the way you say my name, sir."

that name. all it takes is the way he says that fucking name and you're ready to go again. you flip the two of you over, so that you're towering over him instead. "you still didn't. fucking. ask me. if you could come."

he giggles, a little crazed. he hooks his arms around his knees, hugging them to his chest.. "so what? so what? you gonna fuck me 'till I behave?"

"yes," you reach down, "I think I will." and you pull out the butt plug he (probably forgot he) had in all day.

"fuck—" he sobs. you watch his dick bob. precome drips into a pool on his stomach. "—green—green—so fucking green."

you're still sensitive from coming twice—you're pretty sure he is too. you lean down to give him a kiss, you moan into each other's mouths. he tastes like strawberries and his and your come. it is a little gross, you admit. but he's so tight and so fucking cute that you can't bring yourself to care. you part, and there's a line of salvia connecting the two of you.

"wait—" you say, but it comes out like a growl. "roll over."

he gets on his hands and knees, reaching back and spreading himself open for you. fuck.

you fuck him like that, holding the leash tight, loving the way he arches his back into the bed. the bell on his collar jingles incessantly.

you spank him, one last time.

"th-that's twenty-f-five—oh, fuck, sir," he growls, clinging on to the blankets for dear life.

you pin one of his hands in place and reach down to touch him. he starts laughing again.

"mmmmmmay I please come, sir? I—fuck—I'm so close, soclosesoclose," his breath stutters, you can hear the breaks in his voice. he buries his face in the blankets.

I'm close, you think, but the words don't make it out. "you're so good—you're so fucking good—come for me—fuck, come for me."

—

you're a mess. there's some drying solution of come and lube on your stomach. not to mention whatever the fuck's going on with your hair. your robe is discarded haphazardly on the floor. you think you've got a hickey, but you can't remember where.

actually, you're both a mess. he's also covered in come, sweat, and lube. he's got a red ring around his neck where you pulled him by the leash a little too hard. he's just covered in bruises. he clings to your arm, still fast asleep. you both passed out pretty quickly after…whatever that was, but you got back up a couple hours later. it doesn't look like he did, though.

actually, your whole bedroom is a mess. a blanket or two ended up discarded on the floor. there's an empty bottle of edible lube somewhere around here. your kitty lingerie set, still dirty, somehow ended up hanging in the closet. the first time you woke up you were both cuddling with a butt plug that you misplaced in the heat of the moment.

you don't think you've ever seen him like that. you can't even put it into words. you've never spanked him. he's never called you sir. you've never come in his mouth. he's never…begged for you like that before. you've never been so exhausted after coming that you both just, just fainted.

you feel lightheaded, and dead tired. you know you both must have gotten back up and gone at it at least a couple more times, but it's blurry, you can't remember. all you know is your vibrator's missing, and you feel…unusually empty, like you do the morning-after getting railed a little too hard.

last night…what the fuck happened last night?

you contemplate getting up, slipping your arm out of his embrace, pulling the covers back up around him, leaving to make breakfast. you're kind of disgusting, several hours after sex without cleaning up properly. you want to get yourselves some washcloths, maybe take shower together, or run him a bath. you know he's gotta be way more sore than you are.

you catch yourself staring, lost in thought; he just looks too cute when he's very clearly roughed up, but still sleeping soundly. and with the way he wanted…the way he needed you yesterday, you don't think he would want to wake up alone.

maybe it's okay if we sleep in a little longer.

you stroke his hair and whisper, "happy birthday, baby boy."

—

edited 14 March 2021

[bleepbloopclub]

CW: suicidal ideation, self harm (ideation?)

Tldr: I was already feeling emotionally vulnerable and now I feel so much worse because my sister can't take no for an answer; kind of AITA if anyone wants to weigh in

For context my sister and I both incredibly stubborn and both mentally ill. My sister in particular however historically is horrible when it comes to boundaries, consent, and just accepting no for an answer when it comes to me.

She offered to make me some instant ramen for lunch and I agreed, it was a nice gesture. She likes to put extra things in it but I just like regular instant ramen; I like the taste of the flavor packet broth. She's mentioned before that she sometimes puts cheese in her ramen, which to me sounds kind of gross, which she knows. I didn't know she was putting a little cheese in it until my stepsister made a comment as my sister was preparing it. At that I was like "oh I didn't know you were going to add that, I no longer want some." I would have appreciated a heads up. My sister got upset and put a bite in a bowl and told me to at least have a bite. It's a fair request but I said no. She didn't respect my no. She asked why. I said it didn't sound appealing to me. She told me to try it. I again said no. She asked me again why. I gave the same answer. She stressed that's it's just a bite. I told her I already answered. This kept going. I told her to please respect my no. I had already answered the same questions multiple times. She said she felt bad cuz she wasted to ramen packets for me and I'm not gonna eat it. That's valid and I do feel bad about that, but with her insisting I try it I no longer wanted to. She said I was being like a toddler. I said she needs to learn to accept no. I don't like being commanded and I don't need to prove anything. At this point we were both frustrated. She kept saying "it's one fucking bite" and I kept saying "and I already said no thank you."

She said it tasted the same, and yeah maybe I should've given it a chance but her insistence and blatant and forceful disregard for my answer made me not want to give in. She said she was frustrated and just felt bad now. She then said that she wasn't gonna eat it either. I asked why and she said she made it for me (even though she was making it for both of us) and won't eat it unless I will. I said that that isn't fair and puts me in an unfair spot as I had already said no. So now the whole 2 packets is just gonna sit and go to waste. I said "so you're not gonna eat anything?" to which she confirmed (she has struggled with an eating disorder). I told her it isn't fair that her eating as a whole is now dependent on me; that isn't my responsibility. I was getting frustrated as well and starting to tear up and asked why I was crying. She also kept telling me to lower my voice, essentially tone policing me, and also telling me that what I was saying made no sense.

At some point my stepdad and two stepsisters occupied the kitchen to eat their lunch and that was what got my sister to stop (her and my mom have this habit of not discussing things in front of them because they think they will judge. I frankly don't give a shit.)

So now we both haven't eaten and the ramen is still on the stove and no one is gonna eat it and I don't know what to do. I feel incredibly guilty because yeah she did make me lunch but her disregard for my answers makes me not want to eat it. And also she isn't eating which is now something else I have to worry about. I hate when food goes to waste too. So I feel guilty about multiple things and maybe I was in the wrong but I was also just standing up for myself.

I feel like shit, I feel incredibly guilty, I hate myself, I feel like hurting myself and dying. I took my work laptop (cuz I'm still technically working rn) and I'm in my room now. I bashed my head against my wall as punishment and I want to inflict more pain cuz it's what I deserve for being a horrible person. I don't know what to do.

[celiaelise]

I feel like I have the stupidest combination of dietary hurdles in the world.

(**disclaimer: I am not calling these issues "stupid" as a way of being negative towards my body, myself, or anyone who might experience something similar. I am quite fond and appreciative of my body. I am only saying it because I think it is genuinely silly and ridiculous that my body so rejects such a fundamental part of its operation as taking in nutrients.)

Like:

picky eater (autism edition): not bad enough that people will realize unless I tell them, I can manage at most restaurants by finding the mildest thing on the menu. No fish, nothing spicy (cutoff starts at pepperoni, no I'm not kidding), very few sauces are acceptable, no toppings on anything. But I'm also just generally adverse to any food unfamiliar to me. I will get scared or freaked out. I have probably said the words, "plain and dry" at least a thousand times. I eat a lot of meat but I'm very particular about the texture.

ADHD: so I've already got that forget to eat/don't notice I'm hungry thing going, and then I'm also medicated, which actively suppresses my appetite, and, at the worst times, makes most food seem repulsive. (luckily that last part has been pretty rare since my main source of food stopped being a college dining hall)

Depressive symptoms/executive dysfunction: literally I just don't wanna do shit. I need food that requires the least possible effort. Sometimes I don't eat because I don't have a clean bowl to microwave canned food in. Also sometimes I just don't get around to buying food! I'll plan to grab food from a drive-through omw to work, but then end up running too late to make a stop. Cooking??? Love the concept, but it's absolutely out of the fucking question. Cannot even imagine a life where that is a frequent option for me.

okay here's where it gets even more stupid.

Lactose intolerance: again, not bad enough to where it's something I need to be vigilant about all the time. I can eat fast food pizza no problem, (I'm not convinced it has much real dairy in it anyway) I can eat regular ice cream with only mild gassiness. (and I do!) What I can't eat, is milk, milkshakes, protein shakes. You know, all those classic mental illness substinance hacks? Nope. Instant hurting tummy.

Oral allergy syndrome: a lot of people don't know about this, even those who might experience it. You know all those annoying seasonal allergies to, like, every living thing that grows outside? (I'm told that the area I live in is one of the worst for allergens in the country, and possibly the world. I haven't researched it myself though, and I've never lived elsewhere.) I have those pretty bad, and I'm already on medication for them. But it turns out that the proteins from those plants that trigger my allergies look pretty similar to the proteins in many forms of raw produce. And my body does not like that. I'm probably not going to start sneezing from standing near carrots, but I will feel an uncomfortable itch inside my throat and, what feels like, my inner ear if I eat more than a little of most kinds of raw fruits, vegetables, sometimes even nuts. It would be very hard for me to die this way, but it's also very hard for me to comfortably make my way through a salad. And what's that other go-to, "oh shit I didn't/don't have time to eat but my body still needs nutrients ahh" solution? That's right, smoothies!! Smoothies made out of raw fruits and veggies. 😑

So, yeah. That's why my diet's fucked up! I kind of just wanted to write all this out as validation to myself, but I'd definitely be interested if anyone else can relate, has suggestions, would like to express their condolences, etc.

Mostly I survive off of bread products, meat, and lots of different kinds of sweets. Oh, and fries. I specifically drink a lot of icees/slurpees/what have you. Cola flavor ONLY! It's like the only caffeine I ingest, and I don't even do it for the caffeine! If anything it makes me more sleepy. (I am already always sleepy, that a whole nother "stupid health problems" post.) I'm hoping to develop an easy and affordable way to reproduce the coke icee experience at home, probably with a blender, preferably without the caffeine. I don't think it could be that hard, but I haven't had much energy to put towards that project.

Similarly, I've started to look into things like lactose-free protein powder or protein bars, but I don't have a lot of energy for that research, and, as aforementioned, eating new and weird things scares me. Plus, specialty stuff like that tends not to be cheap! I think drinking new things is actually harder for me than eating them, tbh. I find powdered drink mixes generally unpleasant. The only things I can drink easily are water, and a few select sweet drinks, if they are very, very cold.

I actually have a consistent and specific craving for things that are sweet and very cold! I don't really know why. I know some people crave eating ice because of iron deficiency, and I'll not deny I've enjoyed a good ice crunch in my time, but it's really just that it has to be cold. And sweet. I used to keep popsicles on hand all the time, but I haven't gotten around to replenishing that supply in a few months.

I've also had this grand plan for several years of preparing a large batch of custom "trail mix" consisting of things like roasted pecans, dried fruits/berries, (idk what they do to process them, but they haven't triggered a reaction for me) and, of course, dark chocolate chunks. (I love chocolate sooo much, she is my mother, she is my best friend, she is everything to me.) But alas, little progress on that front as well.

I've actually even briefly considered trying to see a dietician, but the thing is that I absolutely do not trust them at all!! Like I'm sure there's a good one out there somewhere, but I am not going to waste my time finding them. These losers will be like, "ummm, so your BMI--" bitch, I'm stocky!!! I am short and squat and there is nowhere for fat or muscle, of which I have a considerable amount, to go!! BMI is quite literally fake bullshit science, please get off my back. Also I am just assuming they will not be respectful about the way my mental health impacts my eating habits. Most people just don't even wanna hear about that.

And of course there's just the thing where I am a young person, living on my own, in this specific place and time. Money is not abundant, support and community has to be fought for every step of the way, and sometimes it really feels like the world wasn't meant for those of us who aren't in a romantic relationship. (At least if you're not rich.) Like, you almost need at least two incomes and sets of hands per household in this economy.

[ipreferfiction]

Interview with a Fic Writer

i was tagged by Lee My Beloved (@revanchxst), this looks like a ton of fun!

1) how many works do you have on AO3?

19 total

2) what's your total AO3 word count?

277,051. It's not a ton, esp not compared to others, but it'll increase a lot over my next couple of series.

3) what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

in order: The Bond Between, oneshot, tcw, gen (ahsoka & obi-wan)

we'll hold each other soon (in the darkest of rooms), oneshot, kotor, cassus fett/mandalore the ultimate. important caveat - this fic got hit with that kudos bot right after it was posted, so though it's listed as my second highest fic, i have no way to gauge its real kudos count

Dragon's Rise, wip, asoiaf, jon snow/daenerys targaryen

Wasteland, oneshot, tcw/ot, gen (obi-wan & anakin)

How Far We've Come, oneshot, lockwood & co, gen - focused on quill kipps

4) do you respond to comments? why or why not?

i try to, yes! i've fallen a little behind for general chaotic life reasons, but assuming the comment isn't an outright hate comment, i will try to respond as much as possible.

5) what's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

i never actually got around to writing it, and i unpublished it a couple months ago because i knew i'd never finish it, but it was a lockwood & co. backstory fic for kipps. and it essentially ended with all of his friends and the girl he loved dying in various ways to ghosts; the final scene was him standing over the girl's grave.

6) what's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

uhhhhh i don't actually tend to write fics with happy endings? at least the traditional flavor of them. ultimately, it'll end up being start a war, but that is still in its very early stages, and to get a happy ending, it's got a lot of trauma for everyone to get through first.

7) do you write crossovers?

i... used to, with my own ocs, and sometimes i still write them in my head because it's fun to make my horrible ocs from different works meet each other. but in terms of actual writing i'd post, no, though i do love fusions; my biggest project to date is a swtor/kotor/hp fusion, and i have a swtor/mass effect fusion floating around with @revanchxst

8) have you ever received hate on a fic?

yes. usually i laugh because it never manages to be coherently thought-out, but occasionally it's just... someone being rude. then i just tend to move on.

9) do you write smut? if so, what kind?

oh god. fuck. yes, and it is almost universally intensely Loyalty Kink. there is always a Dynamic there, and for a weird amount of them there's an incredibly strong dom/sub dynamic, for others it's a loyalty kink. in one case it is. weird loyalty, an intense amount of dissociation, horrible decisions, blood magic, a mental bond, ill-advised ritual knives, and more dissociation. also internalized homophobia and weird amounts of dysphoria, for a cis character. and active withdrawal from what is essentially a magic addiction. i don't know how it fits in one doc either.

10) have you ever had a fic stolen?

nope!

11) have you ever had a fic translated?

not that i know of, no

12) have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes! several, actually, with @revanchxst, and we've got several in the works too.

13) what's your all time favorite ship?

oh god i can't pick one. frankly Scourge/Jedi Knight ends up being one of my absolute favorites for the angst potential, the loyalty, all of it. Exar Kun/Ulic Qel-Droma has given me terminal brainrot and they're never going to leave. Revalek is an old classic, they're so awful and i adore them. i am also immensely, immensely fond of Theon/Robb from asoiaf for incredibly horribly crunchy loyalty reasons. also the i should have been with him. where was i? i should have died with him kills me Every God Damned Time.

14) what's a WIP that you want to finish, but don't think you ever will?

anything from a fandom i'm no longer really part of tbh, which includes my lockwood & co stuff.

15) what are your writing strengths?

i like to think i'm good at putting a lot of emotion into darker stuff, and frankly i'm very fond of how i write Force/magic/whatever visions and powers. it's always been a favorite of mine.

16) what are your writing weaknesses?

dialogue. i hate dialogue so much. if it's not a big dramatic speech, it's awful. i hate having to write characters' reactions and movements in, and the whole thing always feels stiff and awful.

17) what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

it depends! i think that if you're doing more than a phrase or something that's very significant for some. idk, ritual or ceremony or something then it's better to simply indicate via italics or something else that the dialogue isn't in english (or whatever language the fic is in, but i write in english). but i love seeing bits of other languages thrown in there, be they real or conlangs, and i think a lot of readers also like little things like that, as long as they have an easy way to translate it!

18) what was the first fandom you wrote for?

uhhhh honestly i think it was Sherlock? that was certainly the first real fic i posted that i remember. naturally, it was about my oc, Sherlock's secret younger sister. i was like... 12

19) what's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet, but want to?

frankly, if i have any ideas, they get at least partially written immediately. so in my docs i basically have all the stuff i currently want to write for. however, i want to write more cassus/mandalore the ultimate and exar/ulic.

20) what's your favorite fic you've written?

start a war, without hesitation. i am in love with this fic and the characters, and the entire series is going to be incredibly fun to write. the hp au is a very, very close second, especially any parts with my favorite horrible rat bastard (not that many, but i love him).

and i will tag. hm. @sith-shenanigans when you have brain, @comradevo, @tarrevizsla, and anyone else who wants to do this

[finalhxaven]

FFVIIR Trailer Breakdown

Looking at that new trailer, the first thing that stands out is the fact that finally we've started integrating Cloud's point of view as the "Narrative Point of View" for the audience. This is how it's going to be for the whole game, his internal thoughts and stupid brain leading us through the story with flavor text and etc etc.

I say stupid brain for a reason. Let's take a look at Cloud, and how he as the main character is an Unreliable Narrator.

PART 1: CLOUD IS A TOOL

Aerith: hey, you're pretty cute so I gave you a flower for free

Cloud: -Jason Bourne music playing in his fucking head, maybe lowers his voice to sound cool???- I'm BAAAD to the BOOOOONE. B-B-B-B-BAAAAAAAAAD

A good chunk of the whole mako injection/poisoning in ff vii is supposed to be a metaphor on mental illness. Cloud, in a sense, is mentally ill in that his memories are warped and he has taken on a persona of what he believes a SOLDIER 1st class should act like.

Want to know what Cloud thinks a big deal SOLDIER should act like?

A FUCKING TOOL!

This persona is a too cool for school bad boy who gets his hands dirty because it's his job. This is not how Cloud ACTUALLY IS, but for the first half of the game he acts like he doesn't care much for what we as an audience REALLY CARE ABOUT.

His real personality seems more reserved, but a lot of it is up for us to decide. That's why there are so many different interpretations of Cloud in roleplaying. And also why a single interpretation isn't completely canon.

We know based on evidence he was shy, and a bit aggressive as a child. He's enough of a dork to say shit like "let's mosey" in a serious tone. There's many headcanons concerning his silliness prevailing through his cool guy persona in certain scenes too, like him being coerced into dressing as a lady or riding a dolphin over an electric fence in Junon. That being said, in these particular scenes found in the trailer, it only ever shows him as the Cool Boy. But it also shows that he as a surface level persona looks at everyone else on a surface level too, thus presenting us as audience the option to assume him to be true, or an Absolute Dipshit.

He's over here warning Aerith not to get involved with him because he's dangerous, all because she's kinda flirting with him. He's assuming her to be the innocent and sweet flower girl. But we know this not to be true because... Many of us have played the game?????

Then there's Tifa, the childhood friend that he says is in a pinch. Someone in need of saving, and in many scenes in previous trailers shows this to be true in Cloud's mind. Them extending hands to each other, him calling out to her as she is in trouble. But. Is that really what's going on here? Cloud's narration would have you believe so, but knowing him as an Unreliable Narrator, we see otherwise.

This is where we split as an audience. There are in fact people who haven't played the original game yet, which means they genuinely don't see Cloud as an Unreliable Narrator. They either have to see the context clues and figure it out themselves, or get to the chapter where it's revealed all that he said up to this point is kinda bullshit he made up in his head, and he physically like loses himself and needs caring for. Wait do I need to put this as spoilers??? Holy shit I don't know now!!!!

This will be fun and a big surprise for those who haven't played the game, but for us that already know what's going on? It's really cool to see so many extra context clues thrown in! I'm loving it! I can't wait to watch this super slick persona shatter into a million pieces :)

Does that make me a sadist? Hm.

[addytheheartbreaker]

"Meet Carmelo the Ice Cream"

Name: Carmelo Jerato

Age: 22

Height: 6'1 ft

Weight: 59 kg

Mask singer belong to: Tyler "Ninja" Blevins

Friends with: Doll, Dog, Rabbit, Egg, Monster, Penguin, Hippo, Skeleton, Ladybug, Rottweiler and Unicorn.

Appearance: Ice cream person, blue mint ice cream hair with chocolate sauce and sprinkles with a single strawberry ice cream top fisish with a cherry on top (if he could turned into a human, his hair would be obviously light blue). Light skin, kitsune no me (also known as "Fox eyes" or "Shifty eyes" in English or people who always closed his/her eyes), sky blue eyes (made out of ice cream, if human his eyes are sky blue eyes), the OwO smile (because he is adorable), blushes and slender and tall body type.

Clothing style: Ice cream theme with ice cream related decorations and accessories (flavor color and various of toppings), jacket or hoodies, sweater or printed shirts, his bandana and formal suits (main clothing). Casual clothes, ninja uniform (only for battle competitions or in gaming dimension).

Fun facts about Carmelo:

•Carmelo is a Americans-Japanese boy living in America his whole life.

•he can speak and understand English and Japanese, his mother taught him japanese which he learned very quickly in young age.

•he has a collection of anime (old times and modern times), he can also watch anime on his spare time.

•Ice Cream can let Egg borrowed his anime since the two loves watching anime. There are times when they watch anime together at the Masked Singer 2 mansion.

•Carmelo is a huge sweet tooth, he often must eat sweets after meals or when he is still live on twitch gaming.

•A successful professional gamer/streamer, has claimed many titles like Ninja, a billionaire and a well known generous philanthropist.

•as a famous streamer star and a philanthropist, he is generous to do a charity for mental health issues support, suicidal prevention, cancer prevention and child depression treatment support.

•Carmelo is a very friendly, energetic, enthusiastic, cheerfula fun, child like, and wonderful guy to meet with.

•he is friendly to children and has time to hang out at the child depression treatment support center to cheer and play with depressed children.

•He is an associated of the group called the "Night Streamers Joy".

•Ice Cream has been controlled and trolled by his boss who challenging each other while doing charity.

•Ice Cream can go through different dimensions. His main dimension where his group are in is the "Gaming dimension", a huge unknown island like battle field for him and the group with many people to play. (Fortnite reference).

•The only way he can go to that dimension is actually out of the body experience like. His real body still stays while controlling and expressing emotions while playing as his mind and soul entered the visual dimension as a player. (Inspired by the movie Sucker Punch, loved that movie its awesome)

•Carmelo secretly owns many weapons that looks like the game or fortnite weapons that came to real life. He knows how to use it and it is highly unknown how he managed to use it but some believed that he had been practicing on playing games his whole life.

•His family, a mother and father, an older brother and younger sister, he is a middle brother but treated like a child to him.

•owns so MANY games at his bedroom and gaming room. He remembers what the games instructions and stories about and he basically remembered every game titles.

•Ice Cream couldn't go outside without drinking nitrogen liquid.

•Nitrogen liquid is a family traditional everyday medicine because his family are all ice cream or frozen dessert people. He needed to drink nitrogen before going outside is because of the sun heat exposing if he stays outside for too long.

•the only part that would melt first is his eyes and hair. The eyes melts faster then his hair and it gave him a terrifying melting eye look that scares everyone.

•but that's alright, he can refilled his eyes by going to the "Comfort room" (aka the Freeze room), stay there for 10 minutes before putting 2 scoops of ice cream to his eyes.

•if he had a human form, Carmelo has asthma from overheat and couldn't stand heat very seriously.

•He plays video games and do streaming and live charity 24/7. He is also takes breaks but didn't take vacations because of his melting pressure.

•his hobbies are playing soccer, playing more video games (on or off streaming), hanging with friends or the children, going to the mall to play arcade games then get a lot of prizes and going through cafes, candy and bakery stores to eat sweets.

•he doesn't have any stomach problems or any illness after eating a huge amount of sweets. Its because as an ice cream man who is born with a family of frozen desserts, sweets is a resource power and energy.

•his hair, hair accessories?, eyes and outfit changes flavor and toppings according to his mood and emotions. However, the black licorice/charcoal black ice cream flavor is the most expensive looking ice cream you ever seen.

•the black ice cream is not shown on public. There are rumors on public that causes everyone on craving to wanting to tastes it but couldn't reach and trigger his black ice cream. It remains mysterious to unlock that flavor.

•the only person who Carmelo already showed and letting them taste the black ice cream is his closest friends who are willing to keep a secret, Bezai (Egg), TJ (Monster) and his family.

•Egg and Monster knew the taste of the expensive looking black flavor, if asked they both wouldn't revealed it.

•the only way to trigger the Black Licorice/Charcoal Black Ice Cream are two things; someone with a very HUGE amount of money donating on his lives streams or someone who is a billionaire and in ready battle or in fighting mode.

•the Black Ice Cream is called "Killer Ice Cream" or "Dark Time Ninja flavor". Because people are Dying to get that type of flavor and this killer ice cream is only active when he faces a fighting challenged or wanting to murder someone (but too soft to commit such crime). It only showed at the Gaming dimension only.

•He is friends with Marshmello. Ninja introducing to him and he has been on his concert for fun.

•He has his bandana, Ninja made it for him so they could match together. He only wear his bandana when he feels like fighting, when he feels serious on playing fair and on Killer Ice Cream mode.

•A huge fan of Naruto, him and his group did the running ninja which he had a lots of views of the random video on youtube.

•his powers is nitrogen fog or frost powers (it is different to Ice power to Frost powers).

•his fighting style is karate, taekwondo and military skills. He professional learned taekwondo daily at high school when he was just a teen, he won 3 gold medals and 5 silver medals from first to the end of high school years.

•as for his military skills, he got it from the game and learned all further constructions which is explained on why he knew how to use a gun and other weapons he possessed.

•Carmelo suffers on depression. In addition onto how he got depression is when he was just a teen where he first got his own twitch.

•age 17-18, he is a victim of toxic fans and was a victim of a certain person on twitch who ruined him into giving his fans a negativity on live streams. Ninja notices the changes and decided to stop the manipulator by exposing him with a help with his friends. Carmelo is grateful that his mentor/friend helped him for everything, but he still suffers to depression still.

•he took medication and support on his long break from twitch before he had finally continue to play.

•his has the same views and followers as Ninja's. Ice Cream is still in the same number of views today.

•He left twitch after Ninja decided to leave twitch. Which means he had left his group, the reason behind it is not just about Ninja. Carmelo: the real reason I left is because its time for me to moved on to the next level and get out from my comfort zone. It was fun after everything I've been through and I had a lots of good memories and bad memories here on twitch. I'll leave the guys who are now my former group to keep it up.

•he can draw anime and cartoon, he only draw it on spare time.

•his room at the Masked singer 2 mansion. His room is literally the freezer room obviously located at the kitchen, the room walls are all covered with crystal ices but in light blue, it was dark but his room are filled with neon lights, his complete desktop, a bathtub filled with ices, his bed, a mountain of ice cream containers and several frozen desserts and a room with his clothes there (Bezai: It bothers me that you put your clothes at this freezer room as your room Carmelo. Carmelo: why bother? I'm an ice cream man, I need to be at least chill to cool myself enough.) (see what I did there 😉 )

•He always played loud music every weekends because he wanted to practice dancing. The song choice are Marshmello's songs, electric soundtracks, 8-bit songs, and Japanese songs (mostly vocaloid).

•Ice Cream once played Family feud because he is a fan of that show since teenage years. Him and his group played together then won the money.

•his partner Bezai, Carmelo always been beside him and always go with him around for no reason. Because they are partners together, Ice cream and Egg are food related which is why he always have to follow him.

•he is Addy's playmate when he is out streaming. When he isn't playing on his desktop, they go play on the couch play video games on TV, PC and go to the mall to play arcade games to get prices.

•Ice Crean respectedly and acted politely to woman and young ladies. Since he knew about Ninja banned to play with a female player, he followed his advice onto not playing with a female player but he would act courteous when out of streaming or gaming.

•He met Egg when he went to have an interview together before the Masked Singer season 2.

•He can't say any swear words since he never swear in his life. He did hear people swearing but for him, he remains clean to his mouth especially in front of children.

•since his eyes remain close all the time and everyday, he has a emoji that looks exactly his look. His emojis are actually OwO but closing eyes: —w— , ^w^, UwU, ~w~, >w<, XwX, =w=