#you can't just leave us on that note
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Lilredbeany when I catch you lilredbeany
#you can't just leave us on that note#ill sob#sbg#sbg new episode#school bus graveyard#sbg webtoon#webtoon
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Lately I've only been wishing to grab a comic about my favorite character and just have a genuinely good time reading it.
#I can't remember the last time I took a Deadpool comic and genuinely had a good time about it#I hate the direction they took with his character and it's so disrespectful that I don't even talk about I don't even think *any* Deadpool#fan genuinely talk about it because were so tired of his kids characterization we all just collectively decided to ignore whatever hell#marvel through at him#but rant aside#it's just–#I am not sure if comic books are fun anymore I don't even know who I am making content for half of the people on my notes haven't touched#comic book and aren't pretending to do so#people who read the comics tend to be so mean or bitter about it that even if you follow most will be angry about something#comic or fan related and I don't know if I can blame them but following that is draining#and as much as I was trying to be a good sport about it you make a post about comic book characters and#and the overwhelming response is 'I don't read the comics but'– following up by a take about them that doesn't even recognize any core#aspect of their personality that you can't even grasp you can't even recognize them#you can't recognize them on tue cannon you can't recognize them on the fannon#and no matter how engaging you try to make content about the fandom people just–*refuse* to read it. And then– they *refuse* to tag fannon#content as fannon#and *refuse* to leave either#Yes we are all having fun but how can a character tag be so so filled with people who have no idea of who they are#how can a character can be properly loved and take care of and have content that respect them if no one makes any attempt to *know them*#and it's disheartening because *comics* are supposed to be fun *fannon are supposed to be fun*#but for aome reason it's really *really* hard to have fun here anymore#I created this page to share my love for the characters I care about and see more content of people who care about them too#but I can't even *find* people who care about them any more and when I do they're all so angry and upset– And I *cant even blame them*#I just... I don't know why I am doing this anymore or for who I am doing this anymore#sorry to vent but it's been a while since I haven't been had a genuinely good time™ enjoying comics#I don't think even people who write those comics enjoy those comics or care about those characters#Sometimes feels like everyone is projecting on those characters rather than *writing about them*. And I can't find them anymore#fanfics used to be about love petters to characters who you love#nowadays seems like a competition to see who makes more funny words with tropes pre-written since 2007#vent
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Nina and Eddie seeing the school for the first time parallels.
While the camera shots are taken from different angles, both Nina and Eddie are standing in the same spot
I'm pretty sure this is purely coincidental, but i'm going to indulge my delusional self and say this is actually the first osirian hint. :D
#house of anubis#nina martin#eddie miller#chosirian#nina and eddie are meant to mirror one another and nobody can convince me otherwise#further evidence: their opposite reactions when they got to anubis ->#eddies like: “ i've been here for only 5 seconds and i already hate it :/ ”#while nina's like: ” everything is better than i ever imagined! so cool :D “#you may think this doesn't stand neither here or there and the evidence is flimsy at best#and you would be right#sadly i can't hear you over my mind going right into delusional mode ~ ✨#also w h y are they wearing a similar color scheme??? black red and white???#is this the usual color scheme that americans travelling abroad used to wear in the early 2010s??? i'm so confused by the coincidence...#on an unrelated note#i just noticed that the cab driver immediately leaves eddie alone almost as if he was saying “ u are on ur own mate! good luck!”#while in ninas case the driver is a gentleman and carries her luggage to anubis#i find it both extremely sweet and hilarious
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I sometimes feel like characters who do truly monstrous things while also having been victims of some pretty insane shit themselves are sort of an exercise in empathy. Or at least, should be seen as such.
Like, in real life, if a person who has been horribly broken by their experiences and failed by society than proceeds to rape someone - it's hard to feel the justifiable sympathy/empathy for that person (without excusing their rape, never do that) because well, you can look at this actual human person they hurt, or worse, and it feels gross and disrespectful to the rape victim.
And this is understandable. (And applies to more than just rapists/rape victims of course, that's just the most visceral one and thus picked for that reason)
But a fictional rape victim is... fictional. You can't 'disrespect' their trauma, and while obviously rape/whatever else is real, and people may related to the rape victim and thus see your comments about the rapist also being a victim as somehow being about their experience...
Well, it's not.
Because the rapist here, didn't actually hurt a real person. Fictional characters are objects. They're objects that often grab us by the throat and refuse to leave our fucking heads, yes, but they're objects. They are tools used by writers to tell a story, and readers to tell a story.
And one of the things fictional characters are good for is allowing us to consider experiences we never had, and imagine ourselves in other circumstances and lives. (Also just fun and fascinating and interesting to watch their stories).
It's very easy to feel for the rape victim in fiction, and rightly so. That's Level 1 Empathy there. Granted, some people IRL fail that, but that's not really what we're talking about here.
Advanced Empathy, hard Empathy is feeling for the rapist. Not for the rape, of course, even if they feel guilt about it, but if someone really was failed on multiple levels and was broken and damaged and went through the sort of psychological wringer that would leave most of us here on tumblr catatonic - they do deserve the same Empathy any human (any person) who went through all that.
Even after they also do the bad thing, critically they still deserve Empathy. And that is fucking hard. I very often have a hard time feeling bad for truly awful people who also deserve empathy and sympathy, real and even fictional (despite all this, yeah, I'm not perfect on this) for what they (separately) went through.
It also becomes even harder when what they went through is utterly bound up with what they did. How what they went through and experiences is in part responsible for what they did - because they still made a choice. The circumstances may have left them not in their right mind, may have left them feeling without choice, may have driven them to things they normally might not think of or do, but they still chose to do that bad thing. And that's not okay. They still hurt someone.
And yet - one cannot remove the action from the circumstances. So you can still feel empathy, and elucidate all the factors and circumstances as to what led up to their choices and why, and it doesn't change that they did the horrible thing. The rape, or the murders, or whatever.
But circling back - with a fictional character... they didn't hurt a real person. There's no one who is real that suffered. The things the character did IRL are bad because they hurt real people.
So you're not being disrespectful to the victim by feeling that empathy, or sympathy. By exploring the things that they were a victim for. Even by wanting to focus on those things - fictional characters should be compelling in all their aspects, if they're written well.
And yet, of course, if you do that empathy and do talk about what the bad person went through and all that context, people come at you. They call you evil, just as bad as the (again, fictional) character, or they say that you're treading dangerously close to the arguments people use to defend the real people who do these things in real life. Or you're disrespecting all the victims of these crimes IRL. Especially of course, if the person coming at you has a reason this comes close to home.
But again - fictional.
In an ideal world, we'd all feel sympathy and empathy when it's called for, regardless of what the person did. Even the worst most monstrous people deserve human treatment in prison. And if you don't have empathy, that's hard. Even if you do have empathy, that's hard.
So if you look at a fictional character (who doesn't hurt a real person by virtue of being fictional) that does horrible, vile things, but went through so much, and you still can't empathize or sympathize with them... I mean, it doesn't make you a bad person, not even close, this is still fiction, and there's people I should empathize with in fiction that I don't, but...
It's still a failure of your ability to be empathetic. And we're all humans. We're all failing at that, among other things, all the time. But... it's good to be aware of that. at least?
At the very least, bear that in mind when other people are talking about that context, and that victimization. And please, for the love of god, don't fucking pretend that the victimization didn't happen, that this person who did do terrible things (in fiction) suddenly didn't also (in fiction) experience awful shit, as if doing a bad thing erases all the bad things done to you.
Again - it doesn't necessarily make you a bad person, but like... the horrible state of prisons in our society is a real, actual problem. The way we as a society dehumanize people who do bad things is a real actual problem for a lot of reasons (not least because it creates an incentive for authority that wants to dehumanize a person or a group to expand the definition of 'did bad things' to make their dehumanization now acceptable, among other things).
So yeah. Fictional character who suffers but than also makes others suffer - that's a useful exercise in Empathy. And doing that doesn't make you or anyone else a bad person, or actually defending the sorts of crimes, IRL or Fictional, that this character did. Contextualizing is not whitewashing, empathy is not erasing, and humanizing is not disrespecting the victim(s).
So yeah, they fictional character did bad things. But there's more to them than that. And you can say but and talk about what comes after but without disrespecting the fictional victim. Because the fictional victim... is just as fictional. Just as not real.
Is it possible for this to end up being taken too far? Yes. But that's a reason to be mindful of yourself when it comes to real people, not to never do it. And when it comes to fictional people - again, fictional. Nobody was actually, really hurt.
(I really do want to make clear, before people read the tags, that this applies to all crimes these sorts of characters do, rape was just picked as the one to use as the example.)
#Anakin Skywalker#Azula#Grant Ward#Amy Dallon#Panacea#Empathy#Sympathy#I kind of used both terms probably a little wrongly I don't know but I think my point is clear#the tagged characters were Just a few of the characters I had in mind while writing this#So many times I see people talking about the context and the way this and that character who did horrible shit and then I see other people#give them so much shit for that and say its not okay to talk about these things because it's victim blaming or erasing the crimes#or disrespecting the victim and like - it's all fictional but also like... even if it were real#a real person who suffered#whatever else they do later#is a real fucking person who fucking suffered#Ultimately if you can't bring yourself to empathize with a given fictional character - whether it's because their crimes hit close to home#or not - it's fine#you're not a bad person for that and I'm not saying that#but if you consistently never empathize with the fictional characters who deserve it and consistently try to downplay their trauma in the#context of the fiction or even try to erase it#Then maybe reflect#and either way - let other people empathize and talk about the context and all the rest for these characters in peace#even if you feel like they're whitewashing or victim blaming they probably aren't in 99% of cases and even if they are when it comes to#fictional characters they're fucking fictional just block or ignore or back button and move on maybe vent in your own space#But just - leave it alone#And maybe - if you haven't before - try to practice the 'Advanced Empathy' required to feel for these fictional monsters. It really is a#good exercise#Also like please reblog this I'm not really on tumblr for the notes most of the time but I really poured out a lot into this one and I'm#tired of doing that only to feel like I'm shouting into an empty void#I am on here because on some level I want engagement I want the connection
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Continuing the rant-iness of last post's notes onto this one i think (I appreciate if they're read, i think I'm too self-conscious to have them in the post itself)
#another thing that's kinda starting to get to me is the engagement these chapters get#i just remember i used to get more comments on Ao3 from a handful different people last year when i was uploaded Ch3 stuff#and now i kinda just get them from the same few people#don't get me wrong. i LOVE those and shout out to these people y'all are real ones fr#but when I'm releasing 10k+ words chapters back to back and getting so little engagement it starts to feel a bit discouraging#like. what happened? is my writing getting worse? are my ideas not as interesting as they were then?#i know it's most likely because I'm no longer posting updates weekly like i used to last year#but part of me can't help but worry if the fault it's on me as a writter#so to anyone who bothered reading these rambly notes; please! leave comments!#i hate being this annoying i feel awful asking for this but it's the one way i can tell people are actually taking their time with my stuff#even if it's a short comment. a thought or a joke. i assure you anything is better than silence#and I'll appreciate it so so much#hyena ramblings#dra -2+2#rant i guess?#more like vent now that i think about it
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alright. know what? with Secrets of the Obscure right around the corner and plenty of new Mists-related sky island settings coming with it, I'll just bite the bullet and interest-check a little something I've been turning in my head for a long, long while.
would YOU be interested in a Mists-based GW2 roleplay guild that uses a lore compliant multiverse system to allow canon, canon-adjacent, lore-breaking, and otherwise 'contradictory' muses to coexist in the same setting?
simply put: every writer's cast would be set in their own self-contained universe. as such, everyone could bring whatever muses they want with their own personal headcanons, and no one could dictate what is or isn't canon for anyone else. so long as your muses are GW2-based, you're good to go! bring your Commanders, bring your canon-divergent OCs, bring your canon muses-- and yes, even the ones that are 'supposed' to be dead. who can say what might have happened in a strange world far across the Mists, after all?
neutral hubs and in-character safety guardrails would be in place to keep all muses on a relatively even playing field regardless of their power, history, and prestige, too. play hardball if you like, but it might not end quite the way you'd hope. the main rule would be to maintain good OOC etiquette at all times: no godmodding, no metagaming, no theft, don't blend IC and OOC, and so-on.
if that sounds like something you might have interest in, please interact with this post! and if you've got questions or concerns, I'd love to hear them; feel free to send an ask or a DM, or just reply to this post!
#GW2 roleplay#GW2 rp#GW2#my posts#so there's a LOT of reasons why I'm putting this forward#but the biggest is that I really want there to be a place that's actually inclusive for all the creativity that exists in this fandom#there was exactly one Mists multiverse event a while back and it was well-received from everything I saw!#i know i for one had a lot of fun AND felt a lot more welcome and comfortable than i have at any other event#and then... we proceeded to just never have another again.#like. we could have more of that. that niche could still use filling! we can do SO much more with this!!!#and especially with SotO coming out we could have some REALLY interesting locations to meet up too!#I'd be happy to kickstart this stuff but the thing is: it WILL need support. I just can't do it all alone and that's a fact#example: if we want a guild hall in-game we'd have to work together to get one; that'd be great for hosting public and private events#my personal goal is 5-10 participants so that we can have enough to run small events and mingle muses a bit#IF there's enough interest i'll roll out more information at that time. for now tho i'll just leave it at this to test the waters#reblogs are HIGHLY appreciate here: i'm a smallfry in a big sea and not many people check the tags. spread the word if you want to see this#on that note: thanks for reading and hopefully i'll hear from some of you soon. o/#(side detail: that sky pic is a screen i snapped at night in Istan. it's so pretty there ok)
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Man I wonder where the leader of the fear realm could've gone, it's alMOST LIKE NEVIN HAS AN
#had to re-edit the image real quick because the original edit was from a post I made about Drew years ago#and while the Drew thing is becoming less and less likely. Nevin havinv one has basically been canon since#someone mentioned Greg's (was it Britney's) aura being familiar in s2ch1. ive been putting together a list of every line#that points to Nevin's aura throughout the whole thing (most from s2ch1 but then s2ch10 came out and it was really canon at that point)#but clearly i'm running out of time to say ''i fucking called it'' before it's explicitly stated and i dont want to be in another situation#where somebody else will beat me to a theory and me posting anything about it will seem like copying them. sorry about that btw i had#thought i had already mentioned theorizing that nevin was possessed by a demon in that old theory i made but i had forgotten that one was#super old and was about sigma. so no copying there i just got extremely paranoid there was a mention of a cult and i was like ''nuh uh#that's way too specific and out there of a detail to end up in both our theories'' and i forgot the rest of my super old post was outdated#as hell. and echos had gone ''yeah they're so similar!'' and i took their word for it but now i'm realizing they were probably just trying#to be supportive. so yeah no copying there i was just beaten to the punch of saying something. but i will NOT back down from the aura shit#because i have been calling that shit FROM THE START or at least since i started reading ibvs back when ch20 came out.#also not backing down from saying chris was the worse friend because these past few chapters are the first time isaac has done anything tha#could knowingly upset chris meanwhile chris has. let edward drag isaac to the lair after isaac said edward would beat him up. chose not to#believe edward was holding the secrets over their heads because 'it was something isaac had said' and then immediately distrusted edward in#the next chapter because a random person he didn't know said to steal a book (might i mention how that entire scene proves chris' lack of#development and refusal to take responsibility because it perfectly alludes to when chris had brought those fireworks into his old school#and makes me wonder if charlie has actually gotten him in trouble with his past schools or if he's still just not taking responsibility#and if him following nevin to the woods to test out their powers is an extension of ''if something bad happens its not my fault''#like seriously this man would bring a mysterious suitcase onto a plane if he's told to). uh what was i talking about agai#anyway on a related note my mental state has only gotten worse since i left tumblr and the habit of thinking about chris instead of sleepin#or doing schoolwork has not stopped. so i was still failing for a while and might graduate now but am still staying away from tumblr.#so yeah this was a little update and im not going to linger this time im just going to leave tumblr again right after hitting post#addendum because i just can't let things go. and was thinking about chris again. i don't think his lack of development is because of bad#writing (anymore. i used to.). instead i'm certain his character arc is going to continue into him following someone (nevin probably) into#doing something really bad. and then he'll finally get actual consequences and go 'oh shit i fucked up real bad this time'#if you think that theory is reaching too far into the future you should hear mine about isaac dying at the end lmao
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Quahaug Concept Art
Quahaug's concept/reference art! Translation notes and image id under the cut.
Translation notes:
"OP sort of powerset" was literally translated as something like "cheat-like." I feel like OP is the more common English term for that sort of thing, so that's what I used, but some of the meaning was probably lost there.
"Older-tween-ish" was specifically a reference to a particular middle school year for children who are about 12-13 years old. Since grades and names of grades vary a lot from country to country, I just went with "older tween."
ID:
[Image id: Several images displaying different parts of 2 pages of the Triangle Strategy artbook, with both the original Japanese as well as versions with English translations. There are several disclaimers noting that the translator doesn't speak Japanese, and that there are likely many mistakes.
On one page, there is a large colored version of Quahaug's canon portrait, along with a smaller, uncolored version. There is an illustrator's note at the bottom that translates to read, "'Manipulating time' is an OP sort of powerset, so though he looks like a child, I aimed to create a look for him that conveyed a sense of unknowable power. (Tatsuaki Urushibara)".
On the second page, there are many drawings of Quahaug, including a closer bust-up portrait in which he's compared to Lyla, with an arrow and label reading, "Mother." There's also several notes that explain the construction of his costume. The costume is labeled as a Greek "phelonion" (a priest's outfit with no real sleeves, just draping fabric). There is a small drawing of this version, with an arrow leading to another drawing that does have sleeves, with the note, "If you can't display this in pixels, use this one." There are several notes that explain how this draping cloth should be considered his everyday clothes, while the ceremonial decoration that goes around his neck is placed over it. There is a close up of the ceremonial dressing's fastenings underneath the metal decoration. Some more notes highlight details on his staff, emphasizing the hourglass on top and the small wheel to the side that can be turned to flip the hourglass. A larger piece of text underneath one fullbody drawing reads, "Character Who Manipulates Time."
On the second half of the second page, there are drawings of some beta designs for Quahaug. He looks much more punk-ish. On one bust-up portrait, there are the captions, "The burden of the time demon caused some of his hair to go gray…." and "All-natural highlighted tips." On the same portrait, he is snapping his fingers, and there's a note that reads, "Manipulating time is as easy as snapping your fingers. You just have to want it or whatever." A speech bubble near his head reads, "I don't think of Anna as a mother." A caption pointing to some green markings on his arm reads, "Demonic time seal on body." In a fullbody drawing of his beta design (which is made up mostly of chains that barely cover him as well as a long roughed-up cloak, there is the note, "Almost naked cloak."
At the bottom of the second page, there is another note that reads, "Initially when we hadn't quite figured out the setting, we had an idea for a more older-tween-ish character as displayed here, but after discussing it with the producers and Mr. Ikushima, we went with his current form. As a boy who manipulates time, I placed an hourglass at the tip of his staff, and his face resembles that of his mother, Lyla. (Tatsuaki Irushibara)". /end id]
#triangle strategy#quahaug#lyla viscraft#triangle strategy artbook#ts artbook character ref sheets#at long last. emo quahuag#despite the WTF factor I really love the page. HE'S SO LITTLE. SO SO LITTLE. like in his canon portrait he could arguably be like 14-15#but in those drawings on the second page he is indisputably a baby. look at that little face. HE'S SO CUTE#and that note about Anna really cracks me up. can't believe we missed out on having Anna try to wrestle with an angsty 12-year-old#also! trying out a slightly different format from last time! I will at some point probably throw up another poll about it#as always feel free to leave a comment/tag/anything else with feedback if you have any#at some point in the distant future I will probably go through and try to make all of the translation posts more consistent#but I probably won't go back and do that sort of thing until I get all of them done#oh and also also! as a note I actually messed up my order a bit; I meant to do lyla's first before this one#but she and the other saints will be up next#edit: one of the images had an old version of a translation (used 'something' instead of 'whatever' in the note about snapping fingers)#just reuploaded it
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#*beep* oh. hey. guess you're sleeping? maybe you're at work. or out with friends. i hope wherever you are it's good#or that it's getting better. i really do#i'm not good. but you knew that already. otherwise why would i be leaving this message?#sorry. i just need to talk for a bit i guess#cause it's like. every day i write a hundred posts and every day i delete most if not all of them#and i could not tell you why#this is my blog after all. my words and thoughts go here#but also. this is my third place. and i can't lose that#isn't that crazy? i can't lose the handful of notes from reblogging other people's posts#the idea that somehow i'm constructing myself in the cut and paste instead of doing something myself#and i do try to make posts of my own. but nothing's ever worth posting. i don't even let it rot in the drafts. it's just gone#and i try to think about what would stop me from doing this#which inevitably brought me here - what would i be doing if it were fifty years ago#and i think the answer is i'd be calling someone who used to care and blowing up their answering machine#and i think about old answering machines. the ones that need a tape to record the message#does dora just re-record over the tapes that harry fills?#does she trash them? i'm guessing she doesn't listen to them#i won't tell you what to do with this message. i'll spare you a call to action#it's not like a diary would fix this. i have a diary. i've been keeping one regularly for months now#i think i want to be perceived but i refuse to speak unless spoken to and i will not reach out on here unless i'm being a kindly anon#and when i talk irl it's all broken disjointed subjects without predicates#it takes such effort for me to talk that people stop asking me out of kindness. but there's still thoughts i haven't said#thoughts that don't need to be said. we don't *need* another person rambling on about whatever random fandom topic or half-assed scribbles#i tried making serious art and meta posts for like four years across different fandoms#it's all gone now. as is most of my poetry. lotta things i don't know or care to know#and i can't bring myself to do that again. esp if that's not why you're here. so like. it's easier just to remain quiet?#because. i know people *can* understand. but it takes effort#and i can't guarantee a return on investment. i don't know if the cost of teaching me how to talk again is worth it#god i want to infodump but that was beaten out of me. the need is still there but i can't. it hurts#idk. things are good and then things are bad and on the whole they're good and getting better
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finally processing that we're probably gonna have to have these teeth removed with either sedation or general anaesthetic and unfortunately I have a phobia of both of these to the point where just thinking about it gives us panic attacks and I genuinely don't know what to do because I absolutely want to avoid this at all costs but we also might not have any other option
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#there is no amount of comfort or reassurance that can make me feel okay being sedated#like it's not even that I'm scared of side effects or risks or anything#I just can't even begin to express how much I absolutely do not want someone giving me a drug that's going to make me drowsy and incoherent#and also not remember anything afterwards#the premise of a stranger giving me a drug that's going to fuck up my ability to process anything or remember any of what happened#feels so incredibly violating and awful#like yes it's a medical context. yes I know it's so they can do the treatment. yes I know I'm supposed to trust them or whatever#but our brain doesn't process it like that. it's a stranger drugging you. that's terrifying regardless of the context#and given how much medical trauma we have and how awful some medical professionals have been to us#it happening in a medical context actually makes me feel worse#once again I'm not even necessarily scared of anything bad happening#even if you could absolutely guarantee that nothing bad would happen I would not be okay with it in the slightest#it's specifically the idea of my consciousness not being under my control#I take co-codamol for pain and that can make me drowsy and incoherent and fuck up my memory#but that's me choosing when to take it and how much to take and being able to stay away from people if I feel like I need to#and being able to make notes about what I've done and stuff like that#and there's a huge difference between that and being in a clinic having a procedure where you can't just get up and leave#and someone else is administering the meds and choosing the dosage and you're not the one in control of this situation#this makes me sound like a control freak and yeah I probably am#but that's kind of what haappens when you've had your bodily autonomy violated so many times by so many people
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maybe i should have gone into practical effects instead of computer science...
#when i was in middle school i used to use red and black pens + spit for blending to make it look like the backs of my hands were torn open#i can't believe it's almost 4am. i just spent 5 hours typing up an essay about MM's erik that i just fuckin privated bc i was embarrassed#AND I STILL NEVER SPELL HIS NAME RIGHT THE FIRST TIME AAAAAAAA#i was right but im going to save all my points for the fanfic im currently planning out and promptly NEVER GOING TO ACTUALLY WRITE#I say shoving my plans for my h2o s3 rewrite off the table#yes i skipped from s2 to s3 i had a BRILLIANT idea [season 3 h2o spoilers ahead be wary my mutuals who are still watching]#okay so you know how lewis goes to the american institute of marine bio in the middle of 3? since this is tied to my s2 rewrite fic i wante#to actually finally reasonably re-introduced dr denman to the story because i never liked that she just fucked off at the end of s1#despite WITNESSING the moon pool magic. so i made it so she runs into lewis while doing a presentation for the college and they have a chat#(because her JAW paper plays an important part in my s2 rewrite bc i imagine lewis is the kind of guy who SAYS he deleted every copy of#it... but ACTUALLY he secretly printed himself out a copy to study in private to compare to his own notes bc#[lewis voice] come *on* guys just THINK of the progress that he could make with this! [grabby hands in front of chest])#so yeah they have a chat and Linda kind of gives Lewis the opposite dilemma in s3 that Louise gives him in s1 about science and magic#since SHE knows about the moon pool and has been biding her time and she knows Lewis knows and Lewis is like ah... uh oh.#it will eventually tie into the idea it's not about forcing science and magic together or separating them#its abt respectfully and responsibly utilizing both to see their fullest potential. which lewis learned in s2 and Linda has... not.#BUT#later on she gets a call from 1 (one) ryan who is like 'hey so i heard u did environmental studies on mako for dr bennett a couple years ag#and i was wondering if you've seen anything weird there as im currently doing a-' and she's immediately like 'YOU SON OF A BITCH IM IN'#and he's like 'wha-' and she's like 'i have already booked my plane tickets we're going to have a great time we have lots to talk about :)'#and wheeee now they have someone who knows about mermaids on their team and it's the perfect way to bring lewis back to relevancy in s3 :D#it also gives me reason to have two bad bitches (linda and sophie) meet and get to know each other which is not a dynamic ive seen in#any of the H2O fics i've ever read so im very hyped to delve into how they'll play off each other#also charlotte is there so technically three bad bitches (only in my au Charlotte never lost her tail and is part of the gang she just move#because she felt like she needed to leave to really be able to find herself without being in her grandmother's shadow but she comes back bc#well... it's season 3 mako is sounding the fucking emergency alarms everyone is showing up sdkghkfjhg)#im also so so so hyped to show u guys who's coming back in the s2 rewrite because it ISNT denman and i think everyone thinks it will be :3c#(i said she when telling ppl to look forward to a familiar face... but can u blame me for getting hype she's one of my favorite characters!#i love u H2O#cruddy rambles
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Realized that the main reason I hate the way a lot of conservative Christians talk about queer things is because they have made absolutely no effort to actually understand it.
And sure maybe they've read a book or two, but never with the intent to see "oh, what is this, actually?" or "what can I learn about these people?" It's always with the intent of "how can I learn why I am right?" "how can I more effectively argue against this ideology?" "how can I feel like the good guy for saying these things they say are hateful?"
There's several issues with this.
Going in with the intention of learning how to defend your point isn't going to lead to an actual understanding of the people you are claiming to try and learn about. It's only going to confirm what you believe.
Treating people as "ideologies" is flat out wrong. (This is why I hate the word "transgenderism", for one.) It is dehumanizing, even.
Never go to second-hand sources to learn about a group of people. Because those people will be wrong. I primarily learned this from being Mormon--people will say outright wrong and hateful things about Mormonism! And so if people are aiming to learn about Mormons they're going to end up with misinformation rather than real understanding. And this is true about queer people.
If you really want to understand queer people, talk to queer people. With a genuine interest in understanding, not in rejecting them and finding reasons they are "sinful" or whatever.
#on the ''transgenderism'' note I'm fucking sorry for existing I guess#I guess I'm not actually a person to you huh#just an ''ideology''#just ''misguided''#and I guess that who God made me to be is just a ''sin issue''#I'm fucking sorry for being happy as who God made me#and I'm just really pissed off rn tbh#because I can't engage in conversation about this without dissociating#was dissociating for most of my D&D session today because of trying#and realized this. it just. pisses me off because people DON'T PUT IN THE WORK#AND DON'T ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT US ENOUGH TO FUCKING L E A R N#like I'm sorry this shit doesn't actually concern you. so just. leave us alone.#and get out of that echo chamber of ''here is why I'm right''#and stop looking for ways to justify your hate#I'm so fucking tired of it#like I'm sorry I genuinely don't feel safe discussing these things because no one wants to understand me#just to prove me wrong and to poke holes in my ''argument''#I'm forced to confront your opinions and your worldview every. fucking. day.#so maybe just for once engage with stuff with an actual intent to understand#maybe read a book about queer theology for once#because guess what they exist#guess what queerness isn't antithetical to faith#queer#faith#queerphobia#transphobia#transgender#lgbtq
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You want to know how bad my memory is?
I was writing last night and I just straight up forgot that Sanji exists. I have been watching this show since 2012, he was my fave Strawhat outside of Luffy pre-TS, and I FORGOT HE EXISTED.
I was like 'hm yes well the ones who would understand are Nami and Robin... W- wasn't there one more I was thinking of a moment ago? Wasn't there another one who'd Get It?????'
'it's not Chopper. Definitely not Usopp. And it's not Zoro. That's all the remaining Strawhats at this point in the story. So... Why am I convinced I'm forgetting someone? Let's go through the arcs in my head agai- OH MY GOD, I FORGOT SANJI'
#When I tell you my memory is shit... 😭 I used to own a Sanji shirt. What the fuck??#When that post about the memory issues finally leaves my queue#Like I joke about it but this shit can be genuinely terrifying. Like knowing my brain is getting worse. Knowing I'm probably forgetting#Seriously important things and just 'oops I can't remember haha'#It's scary.#I'll never get better because I'll just relive the pain over and over because my brain refuses to remember the help and progress I make#Every day I wake up back at step 1 it's so depressing and scary and horrifying and I hate it#I can never process anything bc I just forget and if I do remember it's like a punch to the chest for the first time every time#And people get SO sick of you after a while. Constantly asking for help. Never remembering anything. They get so annoyed with you.#Anyway. On a lighter note (not actually) I'm trying out a new one-shot :)#Not to speak ill of the 'soon-to-be' dead but Garp was a shit grandfather#So I was like What If Me And Luffy Had The Same Reaction#Because self love starts in recognizing your self through the other god damn it#Even if I finish this idk if I'll post it bc of how personal it is but it has been very cathartic to write#Then again I could just publish it anonymously so my irl friends won't see it. No harm no foul.#I (kid) once pushed my mom (grown adult) out of my room when she caused me to have a meltdown so I could 100% see Luffy doing the same thin#In my defense she had a habit of taunting me and destroying my stuff to punish me after inciting meltdowns and I just wanted to be alone#I was like 7 years old at the time (hell year hell year) so I doubt I actually hurt her. She just looked surprised. I remember that.#Sometimes I wonder why I identify so much with werewolves and then I remember ah yes. The childhood of being treated like a monster.#Like a freak because when people kept pushing your boundaries you'd rather bite than let them do whatever they want to you#Oh boo hoo such a terrible thing for a child to be... Protective of themselves...#ANYWAY. like I said this wasn't going to be much lighter.#I want Luffy to punch the lights out of Garp to protect his friends. Not even in-canon just in this fic#Ik in-canon Garp is a complex guy and loads of fans love him but... Smash eggs make sandwiches know what I'm saying?#Yeah GROOVY
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ㅤon byan's past experiences with family & the foster care systemㅤ—ㅤas byan's modern verse has effectively become their main verse, at least for the time being, it seems about time to expand a bit on their backstory. in this case, on one of the main sources of their trauma, distrust, & inability to let themself get close to people: their unfortunate history with family.
ㅤbyan doesn't know their birth mother's name (aside from her surname, of course, which they share) and, frankly, they don't care to know. all they've ever known about her is that she put them up for adoption the moment they were born. they've never met her, never spoken to her, and haven't seen her since they were born; why should they want to know anything about someone who never wanted them in the first place?
ㅤthey were actually adopted quite quickly as a baby by a korean couple who were unable to have children of their own, and they were raised by these two for their first few years. however, when the couple was unexpectedly able to have a child of their own, byan fell to the backburner until the couple ultimately decided they couldn't handle two children. thus, byan ended up in a group home for children and was put into the foster care system. ㅤㅤㅤㅤ»ㅤthis would be the first major influence (of many) in the way byan has come to view families. ㅤㅤㅤㅤ»ㅤbyan doesn't remember the names of these parents. having spent such significant developmental years with them, they only remember the two as "엄마 / mom" & "아빠 / dad" — a fact they've come to hate. it's painful, after all, to only be able to remember people who so easily abandoned you as mom & dad.
ㅤthe first family who fostered them after this, unfortunately, ended up just not being a good fit. byan was only with them for about six months.
ㅤanother couple with several other foster & adopted children took them in when they were about 4. never feeling like they got enough attention with so many siblings though, byan began to act out. eventually, they would become too much of a handful with all the other kids and would end up back in the system.
ㅤby the time they entered elementary school, byan only continued to act out. they were disruptive, caused all assortment of trouble in school and among other kids, which would have them in and out of many foster homes during this time. they were always deemed too difficult to be properly accepted into any family, and their behaviour would only continue to get worse because of it.
ㅤthe first time they ran away from a foster home, they were 8. it was their first experience in an abusive home; the father would regularly beat them for doing or wearing anything he deemed to be "for girls." byan would try everything from hiding what they were doing/wearing/etc. to fighting back. things only got worse with time and, eventually, they couldn't handle it any longer. for lack of any other option, they ran away from home. ㅤㅤㅤㅤ»ㅤduring this time, they lived on the street, finding themself shelter wherever they could and relying on theft, lies, begging, and the occasional trash rummaging in order to feed themself. after spending a few nights in a homeless shelter several weeks later, they were brought to the attention of a child welfare agency and put back into a group home and, of course, back into the foster care system.
ㅤafter this experience, they would run away from many more homes, though not always because of any abuse. the reasons would vary and, while they were sometimes serious enough to warrant running away, most of the time they weren't. ㅤㅤㅤㅤ»ㅤthis is about the point where it really started to sink in just how unimportant and unwanted they were to the world around them. from here, byan would more or less stop trying to fit in with families who fostered them, deciding it to be pointless, as it wouldn't last.
ㅤat 14 they were kicked out of a home for the first time. byan introduced their foster brother to the world drugs, which was not something the parents were about to tolerate. ㅤㅤㅤㅤ»ㅤthey ended up on the street for a while again here, though they did sneak back into the family's home to collect as many of their own belongings as they could carry (as well as a couple hundred bucks from the spot they knew the parents stashed away spare cash). ㅤㅤㅤㅤ»ㅤthis was not the last time byan would get into trouble with foster families over drugs, nor the last time they were removed from a home because of it. in some instances, things got violent and, in a few other cases, the families would even call the police on them.
ㅤby the time they're in their teen years, byan has a lengthy record racked up, from problems at school to problems caused with previous foster families, along with trouble with the law and less than positive psych evaluations. naturally, they've found fewer and fewer families willing to foster them over the years as the list of issues has grown and, when a family does take them in, it rarely lasts more than a couple months — often due to byan's own actions.
some other, less specific tidbits:
ㅤthere have been more than just one family who wouldn't acknowledge or accept their gender identity (and sexuality, for that matter). several of these homes were very forceful in their insistence that byan is a boy and should look and act like it. ㅤㅤㅤㅤ»ㅤthat said, they have also had plenty of homes that were very accepting and supportive of them and their identity.
ㅤthey have had a few foster parents who have tried to give them an english name. much as byan hates the name yeong-hwan, they still prefer it to any of the bs these parents tried to stick them with. ㅤㅤㅤㅤ»ㅤsimilarly to above though, they have also had families who have tried learning to speak korean and/or learning to cook korean meals in an effort to make them feel more at home.
ㅤbyan has had several physical altercations with foster families — most of the time with foster siblings, but they've gotten violent with a few of their foster parents as well. many of these they caused themself, but several instances have merely been them responding & simply defending themself.
#ok here u go here are all the thoughts my brain decided were more important than sleeping this morning#it's important to note that not all their experiences with foster families have been terrible; they've had good people who genuinely#wanted to help them & give them a stable home#but the unlucky downward spiral from such a young age has impacted them so severely that like. when they DO find something good...#they ruin it for themself before anyone else can (because they firmly believe it's never going to end well & at least it hurts less when#they're the one who wrecks everything. 'you can't leave me if i leave first' and all that)#literally they were just so fucking unlucky right from the start & it snowballed over the years#that's what it comes down to (':#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ HEADCANON ⋮ DANGER IN THE FABRIC OF THIS THING I MADE.#abuse cw#child abuse cw#transphobia cw#homophobia cw#drug use cw#drugs cw#ask to tag if i missed anything!!
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"i don't want him to be anybody but himself." "you sure about that?" "yes." "'cause i heard he told you how he felt and you bailed."
[...]
"the only thing that makes him worse...is you." "i know. why do you think i left?"
today on: i'm literally never gonna be not angry about how jemma was treated throughout s2
#like. this could have been her villain origin story.#tbh it looked like it was gonna be for a second there#but yeah going through the same traumatic event as your best friend and saving his life and trying to help him recover#right after he told you he was in love with you and wouldn't let her help when she tried#and leaving because everything you do seems to make things worse and hearing he's doing better while you're better#only to return and hear that he's been telling anyone who will listen that he told you how he felt and you bailed#still continuing to be treated. Not Great by said guy who says he's in love with you and preferred the hallucination of you he had#and gets frustrated with you when you try to literally do what he wants (to help him. to use you to talk through.)#(only for everyone to insist that you Must have feelings for him even when you continue to say you never thought of him that way)#only for him to ultimately have the attitude of 'if you won't date me i can't even try to be friends with you' p much the entire time#idk man! it'd be my villain origin story!#this is not a fitz friendly blog#every time i rewatch this show he grates on me more and more#(also to be noted: not just the way he is with jemma. the way he is with most characters.)#and like. i hated mack through most of s2 and then in s3 he became one of my favorites so like! i can change my opinions of characters!#just like how i used to love fitz and now i hate him lmao#several bad puns later – out of character.#idk i'm just gonna tag it as that for now#if u read these tags to this point you're the real mvp and i love you
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we have a client right now who is so trapped in the sunk cost fallacy she's keeping a 3rd party tag that is THROWING A FATAL ERROR on her site purely because "i paid for it"
#note: she is getting scammed ive set this thing up hundreds of times and haven't gotten that error#the guy who overcharged her for it clearly has no idea what he's doing#but still. like. 70% of the time people get a random error and can't use your site. you should take the fucking code off#that guy at first said it was our fault and then when it DEMONSTRABLY WAS NOT said to leave it and he'd fix it#but he still hasn't fixed it. which is why we suspect he's a scammer who has no idea what he's doing and therefore can't fix it#i just hope this all doesn't end up on my plate and I don't have to fix 3rd party shit for a guy who can't do his job
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