#you can't judge me more than i judge myself
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@anonymous-archive Oh yeah? And who in the absolute fuck are you? Some kind of crop cop? I have a name, jsyk... Adults would be able to figure out my intentions through a thing called "reading comprehension" which is a thing they'd quickly figure out how to have if they looked at what I was really saying for more than a few seconds but what exactly the fuck are you trying do here, nonny? Like what exactly are you're intentions? Like, the fuck are you archiving? Oh wait! I already fucking know!
Because judging from these two different antis/fantis in your related blog, section, it might've lead me to this entirely correct notion that you might an anti/fanti yourself and that your suspicious fuck ass anon blog might have leaks on it and you might be trying to get me to inadvertently spread them... And low and I won't behold ... Your "archive" has leaks... And now I have to see if I can reblogs the fuck off for this post in an effort to further contain what I will not see because now one of my posts has a leaker on it and you've tainted this post for everyone going forward!
But I want to make this statement first because you know ... I thought about doing a funny and blocking you, but screen capping your above reply in one of my "confusing" crop shots just like the one you're concern trolling me about and naming you and shaming you and outting you as a leaker... But then I'd thought I'd be naming a leaker and a way to access leaks on my blog either way? Which is technically what I just did with venting about bnf bullshitter petitprincess1 willing leaking shit to people too, just like you are, which I guess is what lead to the rest of you leak geeks coming out of the woodwork to get me now huh? So I can't win!
Technically though, what I can do now is give people the actual link to your blog they'll need to click in order to both block and report you while I give myself ample opportunity to block and report you after I make this public statement about how much I hate you and that that what you are doing is objectively wrong, before I disable reblogs so your bullshit can't spread further, just so everyone will know I condemn you...And much like good reading comprehension skills imply, I think that my friends and followers in the fandom are smart enough to understand how I'm unironically condemning your shitty behavior here and will thus be smart enough to know not to look at any actual leaks as I am naming you and shaming you and link them back to your blog so we can all block and report you and hopefully get you deleted for doing that ...
All of this is to say ...
@anonymous-archive is apparently a Hazbin Leak Archive, everybody! Don't even look at their shitty stolen "content" just please use the drop down menu from the @ to block and report them like I'm about to! And anony, again, for the record you've just completely ruined my post with all your unnecessary commentary by being an unnecessary stinky leak spread sandwich and a completely unnecessary waste of space and time so fuck the right the hell off and choke for that too! :D ♥ X.O
Fyi I don't care how old you are, if you post any obnoxious banners in the main tags, you're no better than antis and should get the fuck out of the fandom.
There's a nuanced argument to be made about how Striker and Blitz would 100% be in the right about Stolas if this was real life, but you're watching a raunchy adult cartoon musical fantasy where all the characters are flamboyant hot macho dicks who sometimes break out into whimsical musical parodies of Disney.
If you wanna watch a mediocre lizard who's not as much eye candy be right about a cartoon monarchy, you can go watch Star vs. The Forces of Evil because it's already all been done before and the children have already been taught that lesson.
But adults don't need to be taught that lesson, and Helluva Boss is for adults, so why don't you shut up and let the adults watch the much more aesthetically pleasing and attractive evil demon lizard/owl/whatever the the fuck monster bimbo men kiss and be horrible hot mess trash to each other and then maybe make the fuck up so that the other one can have their Sinderella Story?
It's all a fantasy wrapped in aesthetically pleasing adult animation.
For Fun.
This isn't me implying children's cartoons are actually deeper than any adult content, this me telling you that you're annoying if you clog the tags with petty childish shit like this and need to leave the rest of the adults who actually know what we're watching in peace.
#luna replies to people#hazbin hypocritical#block list#blocklist#instant block#Hazbin Hotel#Helluva Boss#stolitz#petitprincess1#(mentioned)#big name fan bullshit#bnf bullshit#Like I've already blocked the infamous#chaifootsteps#as well as the other whatshisfuck with the adam icon (Red Flag...)#And I'm sorry public naming and shaming is the best I can think of to condemn this behavior ... but if any of this comes off as “ironic” or#"disingenuous' to you...like just in case ... Then that's a dash of#fandom ableism#talking bye ... </3#I don't think I can make it *ANY* clearer how much I despise people who *WILLINGLY* spread leaks I guess I'm just a confrontational person#who thinks adults can be adults and wear the blindfold until the supper is fully cooked and nosy children who stick their filthy hands in#prematurely should be intentionally Beaten through Towns Square with the Wooden Spoon as all ... lol! :D <3 X.O#undescribed#Anyway...#anti culture#fanti culture#antis#fantis#anti#anti anti
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My 16 year old sister and I played Glee FMK and she guessed my fuck easy, my first thought marry before I changed my mind, and knew who I wanted to kill because I changed my answer to hers after I said it. I guessed all three of hers.
#just so you know glee is always on my mind lmao#like it's kind of sad#it's puck sebastian and kurt btw#and don't come at me about puck#i dig the douchebro aesthetic#that scene in barbie where ken plays guitar at her?#that's my jam tbh#you can't judge me more than i judge myself
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yes it's just me whining about the same thing for the billionth time, pls just scroll past nothing new to see here 👋
#i just want to enjoy the summer but i feel like i don't deserve to if i'm not constantly trying to become employed again 😭#''apply for jobs then? problem solved'' uh-huh yes but!! i also hate applying for jobs#job seeking can be so incredibly humiliating#first i have to send them a letter BEGGING to be invited to an interview#and then i have to try and convince them that i am actually competent and good at my job even though you have my cv right there#and then afterwards they call me to tell me they found someone who they liked better than me#(or rather someone who was more competent than me judging by their work history etc.)#it's like ''yes we are hiring but not YOU specifically lol''#like. at school if you take a test you get the grade you deserve based on how you did in the exam.#it's something you can actually directly affect yourself#but if someone who's applying for the same job with me has more work experience or whatever they will get hired over me no matter what i do#(at least that's how it usually works on my field)#in which case it doesn't matter if i do well in the interview or nah. bc the other person was always going to be picked for the job anyway#and yes one could say i can then be satisfied if i did my best but it's little consolation when i'm still unemployed!!#and so every time i apply for a job and get rejected it feels like a personal failure#and to avoid that feeling of failure i want to avoid applying for jobs altogether#so yeah. being active in job seeking is more likely to relieve me from this misery but job seeking is ALSO misery. so 🤷♀️#that on top of the fact i don't even _want_ to apply for all the open positions on my field#but i feel obliged to because it's what i have a degree on. and when i'm unemployed i don't have the luxury to choose which ones i apply fo#i can't afford to be picky#I DON'T DREAM OF LABOUR I JUST NEED MONEY TO LIVE BUT I ALSO DON'T WANT TO DO JUST ANY JOB! I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THAT!#i don't want to come home crying from work every day because i hate every single aspect of my life INCLUDING my job 😭#when this semester i actually HAD a job i didn't mind waking up to every morning 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#it's not fair it's not fair it's not fair#to conclude i don't deserve to enjoy myself in the summer because i'm not doing enough to fix my unemployement situation#(just like i don't deserve to feel sad about being lonely because i don't work hard enough to maintain deep friendships#but that's a crisis for another day! stay tuned ✌️)
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It turns out that when you were a kid and you felt like the odd man out literally everywhere you went and you thought it would never change - even when the adults around you tell you that someday the right people will come along and fix that - you were actually right all along. It doesn't ever change and no one fixes it. You're out of place everywhere you go and being kind and vulnerable will not make them welcome you.
#I've put so much time into being kind and friendly and there were so many years I destroyed my boundaries and made myself#readily available for anyone at a moment's notice#I became a good listener and a good advice giver and a good gifter and I remembered birthdays and anniversaries#all to distract people from me. so they don't look too close. don't judge too harshly. don't hate me.#and it was all for nothing really.#I'm never going to get the companionship I dreamed of. That sort of thing was never meant to be mine.#but every goddamn day I sit with my life laid out in front of me and I can't help but think#I wanted more than this. It was supposed to be more than this!!#You mean to tell me I'll never travel the globe with a group of friends I consider closer than family?#have people whose souls are entwined with mine?? it's just going to be me with myself. forever and ever.#I shouldn't complain. I could do worse than my own company. but god does it get lonely sometimes.#I'm so tired of taking what little I can get. I'm starving for things I'll never have.
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Everytime I face a new character limit on a website that didn't have them before/used to have really long ones... AUGHHhhh the modern social media world was not made for people like me (lovers of details, rambling, elaboration, thorough explanation, and nuance)
#twitter and other short form shit and everything being a Phone App On Small Screen instead of a Proper#Computer Website i feel like has just ruined the format of literally everything for me. Thoughts just keep getting more and more condensed#with detail and nuance taken away. everything over simplified into only the basics. blah blah blah. I've already probably rambled about thi#all before but it's just SO frustrating. I literally just CAN NOT talk that way!!! even if I try!!! I took multiple advanced placement#english & language arts classes in school and I literally never made below an A on any assignment EVER except for ESSAYS#where I would legit get almost failing grades just because I cannt express myself concisely. I took an english placement test thats made to#like evaluate your competency in a subject and out of the 102 multiple choice questions I only missed TWO of them. almost a perfect#score. But for the 5 open response questions (about articulating thoughts succinctly) I did not get a single one of them lol#I only got partial credit on 3. It's like I OBVIOUSLY understand the material and I know how Words Work and how to analyze and interpret#meaning and etc. etc. But it's just when I have to express myself CLEANLY I can't. It's always ''well you have very good points and you#get around to the idea eventually and I think it's very insightful - but it just needs to be shorter/the side tangent needs to be removed/#etc.'' I've always wondered if it has something to do with being on the schizophrenia spectrum and how that can cause disorganized#speech sometimes hmm..ANYWAY.. But I just naturally express myself in a very particular way which is lengthy and I can't rea#ly seem to control it. So it's basically like just.. being gradually pushed out of every place that won't accomodate people with different#ways of like perceiving and expressing or etc. Everything cannot ALWAYS be 100% 'Short and Snappy and To The Point' or a quippy one#liner or the Bare Minimum of information being provided or etc. Some peoples brains just do not work like that!!!!! Sorry I operate#in detail and elaboration lol. ANYWAY.. I still sometimes use random ''dating sites'' like OKCupid to look for platonic friends since#I never leave the house so it's hard for me to just meet friends naturally. And I just realized today that they added a RIDICULOUSLY small#character limit to their messaging system (2000 words?? augh). And also took away answer explanations (when you answer a compatibility#question you used to have a space to give detail and explain why you answered the way you did) and removed a few other features and it's ju#t like.. how the fuck is any of this actually helpful in terms of judging compatibility? take away ALL nuance and anyting that actually#is meant to tell you anything about a person? Bumble's character limits for your profile description are even more fucking insane and so#is every other disgustingly minimalistic place I've seen like.. OKC used to be superior BECAUSE it allowed for a TON of detail. like back i#2016 or something there was SO much data you could look at. long form question answers. personality trait summaries. etc. Now you have#SOO little to judge off of when evaluating compatibiility it's like. You'd have better luck just throwing a dart in a crowded street and#talking to whoever it hits. Why are people so fucking allergic to reading anything longer than 3 words and providing DETAILS!! It just seem#harder and harder to find any place to meet platonic friends where you have any amount of actual data to go off of and it isnt basically#just random 'speed dating' set up shit. AARGH. &I know 'oh just join a club& meet ppl irl' 1. erm..covid. 2.I mostly want to meet ppl#in places I'd like to move so I already know ppl when I get there. You kind of HAVE to do that online. bc I am not there yet.. WISHING for#Complexity.Com where ppl can upload full 900 page psychological files of themselves. MINIMUM profile character limit 30k words lol
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tfw you realize you are aroace, but you're also a hopless romantic, so you decide you might be cupioromantic and would still want to be in a relationship even though you don't feel romantic or sexual attraction until someone texts you and suggests they might have some interest in you and suddenly you go into panic mode because the idea of anyone seeing you in any kind of non-platonic way makes you incredibly uncomfortable, especially if they don't know you well
#i never was the girl ppl glt crushes on#and i was fine with that#and now suddenly 2 ppl show the slightest bit of interest in me in the same year#and. i can't#no#i don't like this#ignoring the fact that one of them made me extremly uncomfortable and i just told myself “it's my social anxiety I'm sure it's actually fine#until i realized that no it was rrly him making me uncomfortable#but anyhow#i am not judging ppl who get crushes on ppl without knowing them well. no matter how severe the crush is#BUT WHEN IT COMES TO ME#it doesn't even have to mean you want to date me#if you have the slightest non-platonic interest in me WITHOUT KNOWING ME WELL#IT MAKES ME SO UNCOMFORTABLE#I DON'T WANT THIS#I AM NOT EVEN INTERESTING WHY ME#...i wonder if the same would be the case if a girl was into me#i do usually feel more comfortable around women than around men so i wonder what the difference would be#okay enough ranting in the tags#i am just going to scream more in my head#aromantic#asexual#aroace#cupioromantic
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grits teeth this anxiety is just an excuse to treat myself better that's all this is telling me. It's just the sign to go on more walks and make myself my favorite tea and read more. Things that WILL feel good and luxurious so help me
#going to win at self care something that is normal to want and possible to achieve#knowing for a fact i'm never anxious about the thing i think i am and i'll figure out 2 years from now what this was about#but still having random intrusive thoughts and judging myself for everything i've ever done is like.#guess i will just stew in this! until unspecified date my brain decides things are better. rolls eyes this shit again#>:/#things that should feel fine do not feel fine i can't tell if they're really not or if i'm just having feelings at random#love to be the sherlock holmes of my own fucking life trying to figure out what's going on when the causes for this in the past have been#everything from actually horrible job to didn't read enough to too much noise in the morning to actual depression to not enough interaction#to too much interaction#like? give me a clue here#am i upset about insert event this fall or am i sad i got a b on a recent paper. hello??#side note this is so funny i put more personal details into this recent paper bc the professor said we should#got a worse grade than my sterile infodumps. back to infodumping it is! experiment concluded#it was also 30 minutes late maybe that's why#she also just skipped grading a presentation i did? like just. wasn't on there#idk man i might just take the b for the class trying to decide if i care enough to email to be like#you have skipped. assignments
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I have yet to keep inspecting the sweepstakes, I need some air and food first, but I might as well share what I've been thinking about Mike today, because I heard of an interpretation saying Mike was a camera man for Spamton which ... Is very interesting. Like for me this makes me think of Mike as someone who admired Spamton, someone way smaller than him, definitely younger imo, who simply excitedly followed along with the orders given. I mean, up to a certain point. I mean this feeling is reinforced in the q&a when asked about Mike, that makes Spamton get very defensive, almost protective. In my eyes it almost creates this almost platonic familiar bond dynamic whatever. But like this is just a shot in the dark, bc what we know is, 3 lines, period. But if when chapter 3, 4 and 5 come out and Mike is there and I'm right about these things then I'm gonna feel like a god tbh.
#luly talks#not gonna put this one on main tag bc its a bit too vague and speculative and shit but im leaving rbs on in case some1 is like hm ur into#something here nemo im which case i will wag my tail and bat my eyelashes#but am i making sense anyway?#like just to make sure: my idea of mike is a camera man younger and smaller than Spamton who admired the guy#and spamton out of idk fondness bc he reminded him of his old self kinda took the guy under his wing in a way#that's why he's so protective and shit#although unrelated to this bc just. putting that there and NOT touching it but it's interesting what Spammy says right after name dropping#mike if you believe in the cameraman interpretation (which i saw in a video i then stopped watching bc i wanted to explore that shit myself)#bc he right after says to not believe anything you see on tv but this could easily imply mike did do his part but the editing team changed#shit. but its just very curious what involvement Mike could've had because. why would he be as targeted as he appears to be?#and what caused him to also abandone spamton? is mike even fucking alive? judging by Spammy's q&a dialogue you'd assume he is#but i mean that's official but not canon right so it's a bit hard to judge?#but Mike seems to be the only one he isn't really resentful towards for leaving him almost implying it wasn't Mike's choice?#i just can't wait to see more of this bc it's gonna reveal a whole side to this little puppet previously unknown#in fact i think that after breathing some air im gonna go look at the snowgrave neo fight flavor text and cry and piss and etc#I'm still not over spamton begs the audience to stop taking the furniture i can see the poor guy being evicted as he tries to plead not to#so vividly wugh. my poor little guy of questionable morals . . . 😢#also don't get me started on the commemorative ring man what on earth is going on there.........
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every time i show my mom any of my kpop fanart she just says "i really wish you'd branch out and draw something else for a change" 😐
#like wow mom thanks i was really proud of that one but i guess it means nothing to you 🧍#i keep hearing stories like 'i took my mom to the nct dream movie and now she biases mark' or something#which is so cute and so sweet#i guess i just wish my family also did more than barely tolerate it#part of the reason I haven't come out to any of them yet#like if they judge me for liking a hugely popular music phenomenon then I can't imagine they'd be jazzed about me being queer#and i guess this is also just related to my mom trying to control me in general#like I'm in my 20s I'm an adult#and I've lived on my own for a while now#i know how to take care of myself#in fact in therapy I'm finally learning how to listen to myself and trust myself#which is something that my mom directly sabotages whenever I'm home#telling me she knows what's best for me and she knows me better than i know myself and that i could never survive without her#if you couldn't already tell I've just come home for the holidays and SOMEONE PLS GET ME OUT OF HERE#personal
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I thought I would walk some additional 14 km today and thus burn my accidental lunch (caved into peer pressure and went to a restaurant and had a salad instead of eating my perfectly counted can of tuna) and as such I agreed to go have breakfast with some friends tomorrow to celebrate the end of the excursion.
But I did not walk those 14 km because I wasn't able to get water + I just finished 12 hours of lectures + my arches were killing me + it was raining + I wanted to shower + I wanted to study + I was fucking freezing.
Which means I have to punish myself for my lack of discipline and I also have to make up for the food and that means I CANNOT have that breakfast. In fact I cannot have anything. For 2 days. Just to be sure.
So now I'm trying to figure out what lie I can make up. Currently thinking about saying that I just started to feel really nauseous all of a sudden and as such I unfortunately cannot eat breakfast oopsie. It feels really random and not really believable though.
#god this is so tiring. i wish i wasn't me so i could just live. people don't have to be ideal to earn being tolerated but i do#people don't even have an ideal and there should never be one. but there is one for me and the court of the world expects me to#always fit it. it's a competition and the jury is judging me. I'm constantly trying to win the case. to make the judge rule me innocent#of what I don't know. of everything i suppose.#but it's just exhausting. and I'm not sure if it's more exhausting to just give up and follow whatever the nagging voice says or#if it's more exhausting to fight it. i feel horrible and full of guilt and shame and terror either way so does it really matter?#if i die because my heart gives out or if i die by my own hand?#apparently bulimics have a much higher self-harm percentage but i personally have a tendency to harm my body after i eat#i don't want to do it but i recognise that that's partly exactly why i want to. my emotional torment is probably much more#of a goal than the physical pain. there's a part of me that wants to lead psychological warfare against me#and you know what it's like. it's fine. i accepted that i would die by my own hand a long time ago. I've always said that#i don't know when and that it might be in two decades or a year or a month or a day; but that one day i would go past the breaking#point and kill myself.#i think it's an inevitability of my life and I'm fine with that. someone has to kill themselves. someone has to be that number#in the statistics. there is no reason for it not to be me and if not me it'd be someone else#so it's fine#but yeah it's like...well it's been a run...not sure if a good one...but it's been a run and considering how much i just don't care anymore#i think this time it's really it. and i have a lot of responsibilities so I'm really pissed about it#but listen I'm just exhausted. my every waking thought is plagued by counting and avoiding reflective surfaces and wanting#nothing more than to stare into reflective surfaces for 20 minutes straight and check for every imperfection and irregularity#and check if everything is the same as the day before. i don't know if i should trust my eyes or my emotions or my logic#i don't know which is which. half of my brain power is devoted to making up plausible lies. 'i had a stomach bug earlier'#'im just really nauseous. yea accidentally had lactose earlier.' 'my stomach hurts so i shouldn't eat anything' 'i ate before i came here'#'oh i said i didn't have anything with me? i uhhh i went shopping yesterday evening actually'#i can't focus at all. I'm either too tired or the voice is too loud and too aggressive. i have no idea how I'm going to pass my classes
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"Sorry for disappointing you" is such a slippery sentence sometimes and I get that the gut reaction is 'You didn't disappoint me', but what if I wanted you to be a little disappointed?
#I disappointed ME#is that not enough?#I get it I do#but like#'sorry I have to sideline the project that I wanted to do for you' 'oh it's okay I can wait!'#it's /supposed/ to be encouraging#but it's like#oh I guess it doesn't matter than much anyways!#cool good to know you don't really care so there's no need to put in all this extra effort for nothing!#but trying to explain that is like grating teeth#'don't put yourseld down like that!' 'love shouldn't be conditional' 'it's okay if you can't get to it'#no!!!!#shut the fuck up!!!#I'm not belittling myself or being self depricating by wanting the people I care about to hold me to some fucking standards#I want the shit I do to be and feel /rewarding/#like I can be fucking proud of it#but I know the goddamned moment I apologize for not being able to finish/get to something it's 'I'm not going to judge take your time!'#god forbid I express distaste with something that I've done and say I want to do better next tome#but I get that more since it's a slippery slope#the more you say it; the more you believe it#and not everybody is open to constuctive criticism so it's also like yeah#yeah
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About what's going on with Neil
This is going to be a little longwinded, but I'm a writer, so you should expect that. Try to read through all of it before you for opinions. You need a whole picture to do that — in fact, that's the point of what I have to say.
I have seen this one article at the moment. Just this one so far. I don't trust the media, I can't trust the media (can anyone these days?); so as much as I would love to either be able to support one side or the other and have closure on the matter, I cant. And that's okay.
(Yes, it actually is)
I know you can't judge people by their internet presence or by their works so I'm not going to pretend that's enough to form a valid positive opinion of Neil, but I do need more than one valid source before I upheave my personal feelings. And it won't cause me to uproot myself from my fandom.
I'm writing this because I'd like everyone to do the same, if you can. Take a breath. Let things become clearer before you form an opinion of either side of the situation.
For the Good Omens fandom specifically, keep doing what you do. From what I've seen we have a generally wholesome fandom, and I don't think this news has any bearing on any of us, or anything we do. We can keep being creative. We can keep loving the story and it's characters. We can keep going.
Please don't fall apart. Take care of yourselves and be kind to each other. That's all.
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"Who is this Karen?"
Preview: How the boys react to a Karen lashing out at you?
Warnings: Slightly longer read than usual, but you get to see how they talk smack to a Karen for disrespecting you :>
ZAYNE
You stood in line, awaiting for your turn to get into the popular restaurant that you and Zayne were planning to try out. Zayne had dropped you off in order to search for a parking spot, claiming that it is way more efficient for one to just wait in line. Right when it was about to be your turn, you stood up, smoothing your skirt and stepped up towards the reception table but someone had beat you to it, pushing you physically to get you out of their way, risking you nearly stumbling. "Hey." You reprimanded the lady in the big red coat, her head tilting towards you with a scrunched up frown on her face. "You can't just do that, you have to line up according to your turn."
The lady scoffed and simply waved her hand off, mocking you in a tone you had never heard from anyone in your life. "Apparently you do not know that this restaurant runs on a star rating don't you darling? First-comers like you should shut up and wait while VIPs like me deserve to be tended to first." You were in a state of disbelief, slack-jawed, fists tightened, ready to mutter a string of colourful curse words in front of this lady before a hand gripped onto your shoulders and you turned.
Zayne stood next to you, assessing the situation that he had spotted from afar as he was coming closer to the restaurant. "Are you alright?" He glanced down towards your legs, to spot for any injury but when he noticed nothing stood out, he rubbed your back as a comforting gesture before he stepped forth towards the woman. "Excuse me." He stated and the lady turned, with the same expression as the first time. "I believe you have to be in line. It wasn't right for you to push someone just to get in front of the line."
"You are not the restaurant owner, talk to me again and I will call the police." Her voice was up an octave now, clearly offended at the both of you calling her out on her mistakes. "This is a restaurant that runs on point systems! Do your research before coming onto me you brats!" Zayne seemed indifferent towards her, she is just like another patient of his that may be suffering a psychotic episode amidst treatment. It is no stranger to a doctor of his calliber.
"Scream much more, and you will get wrinkles on your face." Zayne drew air signs, marking out the spots on her face. His tone was collected, informative even. "Your lips are peeling and your skin is sagging on the edge of your jaw. If I were you, I would get myself checked out for any cardiac anomalies." His statement made the lady gasped in horror, hands immediately flying up to touch her cheeks. Zayne only took his phone out and showing her his medical ID. "Just some words of advice from a fellow cardiac surgeon. You should not delay any further, I think your heart requires immediate attention." He quirked an eyebrow and watched as the lady panicked, albeit judging him silently under her breath and stepping off to get back into her car (that was parked illegally by the street) to leave.
With the lady leaving, the both of you managed to secure your seats fairly quickly. Walking into the restaurant, you turned to ask Zayne about the diagnosis earlier on and he replied with a soft chuckle. "It works once you flash them the ID." He pulled out the chair for you as he always would, waiting for you to be seated before he continues, seating himself down. "No harm in fighting stupidity with stupidity."
RAFAYEL
"So, today we will be going to this beach that I had always been talking about. Are you excited?" Rafayel turned his head over to you when he is at a red light, smiling at you and taking your smaller hand into his. He placed a chaste kiss onto the back of your hand and proceeded to rev his engine when the lights turned green. The date had been planned for more than a week as Rafayel was busy with exhibitions and you too, with your own work. Hence, when the time comes for the both of you to meet, it is only natural for your boyfriend to plan for a romantic getaway.
Approaching the beach, you could taste the brine in the air when Rafayel had opened the roof on his convertible to let you get a better view of the ocean. The seas are mimicking the skies, one owning dashes of sparkles while the other has fluffy cotton balls hung on them, both adding up to be a picturesque scene. It was a right choice for Rafayel to make judging by how enamoured you are with the scene ahead of you. He revved into a driveway and parked right next a red sedan, alerting the lady next to them. "Who do you think you are?" She immediately questioning, sunglasses pushed up onto the top of her head when she squinted her eyes to get a better view of the both of you. "You are going to hit my car!"
Rafayel nonchalantly got out of the car, hands thrown up in an act of surrender. "Lady, calm down. We mean no harm." He then sauntered over to your side to open your side of the door, holding his hand out for you to take, all while still trying to hold a reasonable conversation with the lady who had not stopped accusing him of wanting to hit her car. "As I've said lady, I do not have the wish to hurt anyone. I apologise if my skills scared you." Due to his indifference, it only got the Karen riled up, stomping out of her car and coming right up to both of you. Rafayel instinctively shielded you, his height still towered over the woman.
"THIS IS MY BEACH AND YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO TRESSPASS, YOU HEAR ME YOUNG MAN?!" She angrily pointed a finger at him, her bikini suggested she is here for the beach as well. "So it is either you both get the hell out of here, or I am calling the cops." Grabbing her phone out of her small clutch, she begin dialing the number on it and pressing it to her ear. You looked towards Rafayel with a worried expression, but he only held a smirk as he listened in on her conversation. "Yes! This man with a convertible is trying to kill me in a crash--yeah, okay you talk to him!"
Then she handed her phone over to Rafayel, which he took into his hands and pressed it against his ear. For a man who seemingly 'broke-the-law', Rafayel is not taunted. "Hey there, yeah. Yeah that's me. Yeah, she is claiming that this beach belongs to her." His eyes glinted a hint of playfulness, smile widening at the Karen. "Can I report this for tresspassing or...okay, yeah, I'll call you back if she starts anything on MY BEACH." Specifically emphasising his words, the woman choked onto her breath, looking at Rafayel as he gave her back her phone and tilting his head, still smiling. "A word of advice, next time, if you're gonna play with fire, just be ready to get burned, yeah?"
SYLUS
Sylus would rather be surrounded by thousands of the strongest wanderers now than to be in the grocery store with you right now. This burly, manly man does not see himself to be a fitting piece of a puzzle within a grocery store. Everywhere his eyes darted, he catches sight of men with beer bellies pushing carts with babies while referring to a long, floor-panning grocery list, or a mother who has too many children to provide welfare for, or maybe a family where most of the time the wife is the ruler of the house. No, Sylus is not a sexist, he just holds too much of an ego for his masculinity that he feels like he does not belong in a grocery store. Staring down at you, he sighed inwardly. Regardless of what he had thought of, what he held as a belief, here he is still, nothing different than those wife-pleasers he witnessed littered all over the store.
“How long are we going to be here for?” He groaned, holding up the basket slightly higher when you had gotten your pick of the better watermelon. “N109 does not run by itself given its current glory you know.” His mockery only got you rolling your eyes at him. You would admit, he is a scary man for the eyes, but once you had gotten to know him, gosh, this man would bow to puppy eyes and wheedling words. Feeling your throat getting scratchy again, you pointed at the vitamin water that was placed in the basket and Sylus cracked open the cap then handed it to you. You gulped the drink down your throat, trying to gain moisture to rid it of the scratchy feeling before you felt someone tapped on your shoulder and you turned around.
The lady who tapped your shoulder was skinny, body the shape of a trunk and with hair so blossoming that Sylus may have outwardly mocked her to be a tree. But the man does watch his mouth whenever he is around you. “Young lady, you can’t drink from the bottle like that without paying for it! That is called stealing!” Her loud exclamation got some people turning their heads and you could feel the embarrassment crawling up your back. You fumbled with the cap and was about to say sorry before your boyfriend took up the space next to you, his 6”2’ height made the woman looked like a garden gnome, with weird tree-like hair.
“Why can’t she? She is paying for it afterall.” The corners of his lips curled up, but it resembled an amused smirk rather than a smile as he watched the lady below him started to act out. If he were to be alone right now, there is no doubt that this woman would perish before she could utter another word. But, as what he had always believed in, violence is only to be utilised strategically. And using it on this lady, in front of you, in a public area, would result in serious consequences, so he decided not to. But, this does not mean he would back down either.
“You are supposed to buy things before you consume them. Don’t you know how the law works?” The lady was clearly pissed, voice raising even higher to create a scene. “I am going to call the store manager on you to get you and your girlfriend reported for stealing!” At this rate, she would only cause more trouble than necessary. Sylus simply clicked his tongue with a ‘tch’ and he tilted his head slightly, his right eye taking colour of a bright scarlet. Then, you watch as the woman in front of you tripped over nothing and she fell face-first. You gasped, wanting to go forward to help her but an unseeable force held you back and it got you figuring out the cause of her trip. Sylus was using his energy manipulation skills to get her to practically trip on air.
“Let’s go.” Without wasting anymore time, he grabbed onto your hand, his smirk widening as he lead you to walk through the aisles to get to the counter to check out your items. When he was confronted with why he did that, the confident man simply quirked up one of his thick eyebrow and retaliated. “You think I would back down easily if anyone comes at you like that princess? I would downplay the act of punishment for your sake, but I won't stay idle like a trophy husband sweetie.”
XAVIER
Xavier had came up with the idea to bring you along for some clothes shopping for the upcoming team building event which involves a masquerade ball. A couple of days ago, he had to sit through hours of you sifting through your closet, looking for any gowns that could be reused for the second time until you reached the realisation that you do not own a gown because 1) it’s not practical and 2) it’s a huge waste of money and 3) it does not fit your usual aesthetic for clothings.
"How about this one?" Xavier asked when he pointed at a store with ball gowns being displayed at their windows. Observing your hesitation to step into the store, he grabbed onto your hand and started leading you towards it. The pull was a bit of a drag however as you were stumping your feet onto the ground from wanting to enter such a boujee store. God knows how much those dresses would cost. "It's alright y/n, I will pay for it okay? You don't have to fret about a gown for days. Come on."
After getting assisted by the salesperson, you had managed to pick out a few outfits and you slotted yourself into one of the fitting booths to try them on. At the meantime, Xavier sat on the bench outside, scrolling through his phone mindlessly while he waited for you. He noticed a shadow loomed over him and he looked up, seeing a lady in her mid-40s looking down at him. "Is someone in the fitting booth?" Xavier nodded his head in return, stating that his girlfriend is inside. "Can you ask her to hurry up a little? I am pressed for time and I need to try on this outfit."
"Guess you will have to wait till she is done. She is only at her first dress." Xavier spoke calmly, already sensing discomfort from the way the lady had spoken to him. The curtain to the fitting booth then slid opened and you stepped out, adorning a blue sequin dress that matches the shade of Xavier's irises and he smiled in return, standing up and blatantly ignoring the lady as he walked up to you, gesturing his finger for you to turn and to show him the full outfit.
It was a sweet moment until you were interrupted. "Can you hurry up missy? I am in a rush and I need to try this on." She held up a dress in her hand, eyebrows furrowed in frustration. "FYI, this dress does not fit you, you look fat in it." Your eyes were widened immediately when the lady mocked you. When you turned to Xavier, he too, bear the same expression as you but he was quick to recover.
"I don't think that is a nice thing to say when you should be the one to look at yourself in the mirror." His jab at the lady made her face immediately turned red, all adrenaline rushing towards her head. Xavier crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head while sighing. "I guess there is no need for you to try on that dress of yours, because I'm pretty sure it won't fit you."
And the next thing you know, the lady was rambling, shouting towards the employees for being mistreated but here you stood, next to Xavier, who is not one bit phased by her behaviour. Your boyfriend only watches the show unfold in front of him, and pats the top of your head, smiling at you. “She started it first, I figured if it wasn’t for her, I would have fell asleep waiting for you to be done with your fittings.” And you gave him a hard punch against his shoulder.
#love and deepspace#love and deepspace x reader#zayne love and deepspace#rafayel love and deepspace#lnds#xavier love and deepspace#fluffy#rafayel x reader#zayne x reader#xavier x reader#sylus x reader#lnds sylus#love and deepspace sylus
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They say the morning sickness is supposed to let up by the 2nd trimester but I yaked 4 times today so I'm not feeling the "letting up" you know?
#also I'm supposed to start laying on my left side but I can't with the way our bedroom is set up because i need to be by my Bucket#puking tw#i hate puking more than any feeling in this world which is honestly why this little girl is probably gonna be my only baby#other people tell me I'll feel otherwise in a few years which is condescending honestly#luckily my husband is the one person who believes me#i say i don't wanna do this again and he says 'i know and i won't ask you to' and it takes so much weight off me#like instantly#he's my angel truly i couldn't handle this alone I don't think#he's right there everyday doing everything he can for me and telling me not to judge myself#the first person to remind me that what I'm putting my body through takes strength and I'm strong even if I can't see it right now
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so i don't know if this is a post i'm gonna keep up cause, like i said, i don't really like talking candidly about aspects of my personal identity often these days, and lord knows i especially hate talking about legal identity and all the dissonance that entails. but this week was a pretty big one for me and i can't shake the desire to share my enthusiasm for even just a fleeting moment.
my name has been a sticking point in my mind for a long time. i've adopted many different ones. first, middle, last, you name it. i've been searching most of my life for a moniker that represented my true self socially, and a surname to distance myself from someone in my life who hurt me very badly and never really learned how to stop.
obviously for a long time now I've been Penny Parker to 98% of people who know me, and for the past couple that number has been bumped up to a solid 99% with a few stragglers. it's a name that is so mundane and assumed at this point that tbh I've even come to resent certain aspects of it. which to me is actually beautiful. i find that mundanity, that nuance, extremely telling of how it encapsulates my life. it's a fully three-dimensional reflection, smudges and sparkles and everything in between.
of course, i only just moved out on my own 3 years ago. and unfortunately that had to be the starting point to make this social and personal progress i've been sitting on for half a decade at least now official, tangible, legal. i've been playing a game of catch-up i didn't sign up for, but it's one that does have a silver lining in that i feel more in resonance with who i am and who i want to be than i ever did before being granted this independence.
and as of this week, i have the pleasure of entering an era of my life where the dissonance between who i am in speech and who i am in contract is nonexistent. my name is Penny Olivia Parker. i'm the same as i've always been, but getting better every day at it. soon i'll even have a license to match!
sometimes more of an Olivia Parker in brief moments nowadays tbh but i haven't worked out the details yet. nothin you need to stress over, ill take care of it. the full set is just fine and legally recognized, which is all i've wanted for as long as i can remember.
this isn't the end of my journey, both excitingly and unfortunately haha, but this is yet another huge milestone for me and in certain respects it's one of the biggest i've managed. i'm so happy to still be here. if you're reading this, thank you for being here too.
also those of you who watched my direct reactions the other day might have a little more insight as to why i was so emotional that the day after a judge signed my legal name change a new game by the Sonic Mania devs was announced called "Penny's Big Breakaway" LOL, it was a lot to handle for me but i wasn't sure how much i wanted to say just yet.
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PLEASE JUST LET ME EXPLAIN REDUX
AI {STILL} ISN'T AN AUTOMATIC COLLAGE MACHINE
I'm not judging anyone for thinking so. The reality is difficult to explain and requires a cursory understanding of complex mathematical concepts - but there's still no plagiarism involved. Find the original thread on twitter here; https://x.com/reachartwork/status/1809333885056217532
A longpost!
This is a reimagining of the legendary "Please Just Let Me Explain Pt 1" - much like Marvel, I can do nothing but regurgitate my own ideas.
You can read that thread, which covers slightly different ground and is much wordier, here; https://x.com/reachartwork/status/1564878372185989120
This longpost will; Give you an approximately ELI13 level understanding of how it works Provide mostly appropriate side reading for people who want to learn Look like a corporate presentation
This longpost won't; Debate the ethics of image scraping Valorize NFTs or Cryptocurrency, which are the devil Suck your dick
WHERE DID THIS ALL COME FROM?
The very short, very pithy version of *modern multimodal AI* (that means AI that can turn text into images - multimodal means basically "it can operate on more than one -type- of information") is that we ran an image captioner in reverse.
The process of creating a "model" (the term for the AI's ""brain"", the mathematical representation where the information lives, it's not sentient though!) is necessarily destructive - information about original pictures is not preserved through the training process.
The following is a more in-depth explanation of how exactly the training process works. The entire thing operates off of turning all the images put in it into mush! There's nothing left for it to "memorize". Even if you started with the exact same noise pattern you'd get different results.
SO IF IT'S NOT MEMORIZING, WHAT IS IT DOING?
Great question! It's constructing something called "latent space", which is an internal representation of every concept you can think of and many you can't, and how they all connect to each other both conceptually and visually.
CAN'T IT ONLY MAKE THINGS IT'S SEEN?
Actually, only being able to make things it's seen is sign of a really bad AI! The desired end-goal is a model capable of producing "novel information" (novel meaning "new").
Let's talk about monkey butts and cigarettes again.
BUT I SAW IT DUPLICATE THE MONA LISA!
This is called overfitting, and like I said in the last slide, this is a sign of a bad, poorly trained AI, or one with *too little* data. You especially don't want overfitting in a production model!
To quote myself - "basically there are so so so many versions of the mona lisa/starry night/girl with the pearl earring in the dataset that they didn't deduplicate (intentionally or not) that it goes "too far" in that direction when you try to "drive there" in the latent vector and gets stranded."
Anyway, like I said, this is not a technical overview but a primer for people who are concerned about the AI "cutting and pasting bits of other people's artworks". All the information about how it trains is public knowledge, and it definitely Doesn't Do That.
There are probably some minor inaccuracies and oversimplifications in this thread for the purpose of explaining to people with no background in math, coding, or machine learning. But, generally, I've tried to keep it digestible. I'm now going to eat lunch.
Post Script: This is not a discussion about capitalists using AI to steal your job. You won't find me disagreeing that doing so is evil and to be avoided. I think corporate HQs worldwide should spontaneously be filled with dangerous animals.
Cheers!
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