#you can tell them what you saw in me and not the way i used to me

[smutoperator]

Double Date

Ning Yizhuo (Ningning), Anatchaya Suputhipong (Natty) x Male Reader

Tags: ass-eating, best friends, big tits worship, (lots of) blowjob, clit-rubbing, cum on tits, date, dirty talk, facesitting, foreplay, full nelson, girlfriend, leg-shaking orgasms, pussy-to-pussy, riding, spanking, stacking, threesome, titfucking, unexpected cumshot

Word count: 6234

You had arranged a date at a restaurant with your girlfriend, Ningning. As you arrived, she surprised you by bringing her best friend along, much to your delight.

"Hi," Natty introduced herself as she sat at the table. What an incredible woman she is. The Thai bombshell stole your heart the moment you saw her, especially when she bent her body on the table and rested her huge tits on top of it.

Ningning had to bring you back to earth with a little pinch, as you had focused so hard on Natty you even forgot about your girlfriend. "She's so pretty, isn't she?" you asked Ningning, who ignored you as you gave Natty a greeting kiss on her cheek. You three ate and drank a lot in that restaurant, you enjoyed a double date with two of the most beautiful idols, both of them very sexy in different ways, Ningning as the porcelain Chinese cold beauty from the harsh Harbin winters, Natty as the beautiful Thai hottie like the weather of her home country.

You brought both of them to your apartment. While Natty sat in the living room, taking a little break, Ningning followed you to the same bed you had sex with her yesterday. You two kissed each other and talked a bit. "You made me feel a little jealous the way you looked at my friend," Ningning said, referring to your flirtations.

But Ningning was well aware of her best friend's hotness and was ready to take advantage of it. As the Chinese girl massaged your still-clothed cock with one hand, she picked up her phone with the other one, sending her best friend the signal the two had discussed with each other before you three arrived at the apartment.

Ningning kept kissing you and massaging your crotch while you run your hands over her face and ass, as you could feel another special night was about to come. But little did you know things were about to take an even spicier turn in a matter of seconds.

"That's so hot," Natty said, arriving at the room spotting both you and Ningning making out. The Thai hottie went straight to the point, unzipping her shirt and unveiling her massive tits in the process. "I saw you staring at them all night at the bar," she said.

"Are you ready for a special date, baby?" Ningning asks you as Natty climbs on top of your bed already completely naked. You're mesmerized by the Thai hottie, her wonderful body from top to bottom, from her thick legs to her big tits, as Ningning rubs them while she gives Natty some kisses.

"We're gonna have a good time tonight," Natty says as she looks at you with very naughty eyes. But Ningning isn't far behind. "We knew we had to fuck you together the moment I invited her for our date," Ningning tells you. "Tonight, you're going to give that big cock to us real fucking good," she continues. "Sure, you can count on it," you reply.

Ningning takes your shirt off while Natty touches your clothed cock for the first time. "Oh my God, look at this big fucking cock, it's been this hard for a long time I bet, ever since I arrived in that bar," she says.

"Holy shit, I can feel it throbbing for both of us," Ningning says as she touches it as well and takes your belt off next. "I want it so fucking bad," Natty follows suit as Ningning takes her clothes off to match her best friend's nudity.

You and Natty share kisses as Ningning spits on your pants and licks your clothed cock. "I can't wait to feel it in my pussy," she says. "Me too," Natty agrees. You quickly take a step further, reaching to massage her pussy while sucking her big tits already. "Oh fuck, that's so good," Natty moans as your tongue massages her nipple and sends her to the heavens.

"Yes, baby, bite that nipple, suck those big tits," Natty commands as you dive deeper and deeper against her massive milkers. Ningning watches you two have fun and wants a slice for herself, teaming up as both of you suck Natty's right both. "Oh yeah, share those tiddies," an excited Natty says, pushing both your head and Ningning's against it.

"Look at that body, Ningning is so lucky to have you," Natty says as she pays attention to your muscular frame. "She's just as lucky to have you as a best friend, your body is amazing too," you reply to her as you and Natty share more kisses while Ningning keeps her mouth glued to her friend's tits. "Baby, look at those fucking tits, they are so big," Ningning says as each of you has one of Natty's boobs in your mouths now.

"OHHHHHHHH FUCK" Natty moans as both you and Ningning worship her huge tits. She loves the feeling of your tongues running all over them and sucking them like two hungry babies as you and Ningning get more and more aggressive with the tonguing and then trade kisses with Natty.

"I want your tiddies in my face too," Natty tells Ningning. These two girls have worshipped each other's boobs countless times since becoming best friends and tonight it won't be different, as Natty quickly grabs Ningning's soft pair of boobs and puts it in her mouth. "This is how best friends do things, you worship my Nattys I worship your Ningnings" Natty says, calling their boobs by their names.

Natty is so hungry she sweeps across both of Ningning's boobs like a maniac, giving her best friend a little tap on her cute butt while you kiss your girlfriend. You reach from behind and touch Natty's pussy again. "OH FUCK, YOU'RE GONNA MAKE MY FUCKING CLIT THROB ALREADY," she suddenly screams right against Ningning's tits.

"Let me taste it," Ningning commands as you put your hand in her mouth and feed Natty's pussy juices to her. Natty ducks down and licks Ningning's midriff, before going back to suffocate herself on her tits. Both girls then take a quick turnaround and turn their attention to you.

"Take those pants off, we want to see that big cock," Natty and Ningning say almost at the same time. You follow their instructions as Natty quickly gets impressed. "Holy shit, it's even bigger without pants covering it," she says, a big smile coming out of her face.

Natty touches and admires your hard, throbbing shaft, but it's Ningning who makes the first move, ready to suck her boyfriend's big cock like always. "I can't wait for you to stretch our tight little pussies with it," she says as she licks your tip while Natty moves up and down your shaft.

"Oh my God, you suck it so good," you say to Ningning, always surprised by your girlfriend's amazing blowjob skills. Natty looks at you with her typical naughty eyes, ready to take her turn next as Ningning bobs her head on your cock without using her hands.

"You wanna taste it?" Ningning asks Natty as she lets her best friend suck her boyfriend's cock next. As soon as Natty dives her head on it, Ningning grabs it and pushes it aggressively against your crotch. "Choke on my boyfriend's dick, you big tit slut, take it, take it" she commands.

"How does her fucking throat feel?" Ningning asks you. "It feels amazing," you reply. "Hmmm, look how much good this big tit bitch is choking on this fucking cock," she replies, loving how sloppy Natty gets and how hard she gags every time she deepthroats your throbbing shaft.

"Spit on it," Ningning says to Natty, who follows. "Yes, let's make a big mess on that cock," Natty replies as Ningning takes her turn for another round of sucking it, going much faster than the first time. "Look how hot she is worshipping that big cock, the perfect slutty girlfriend," Natty says. "Oh yeah, I love stroking it hard with my hands and then shoving it down my throat," Ningning says.

Both girls keep taking turns sucking your cock for a few minutes as you love watching them bob their heads all over your shaft. "Yes, share that cock," you tell them. "Let's stroke it together, nice and slow," Ningning commands as both of you now grip their hands on your shaft.

"Don't you dare cum, don't you dare cum until I tell you to," Ningning commands as she strokes your cock even harder and can feel it throbbing further. Natty smiles as both girls spit on your cock, Natty then dives deep for your balls while Ningning deepthroats you. "I can feel there is a lot of milk for us on that big cock," Ningning says once she's done.

"Those balls fit so well in my mouth," Natty says as she engulfs them to the fullest. Both girls then lick your shaft from the side in perfect sync like the good whores they are, then kiss each other with their cock-tasting mouths. "Oh yeah, look at him fucking shake," Natty notices as their strokes get you closer and closer to cum.

"Let's make him beg for our pussies," Natty says as both girls keep stroking your cock. At this point, you can no longer contain yourself and blast a fountain of cum that hits Natty and Ningning's faces.

"Hmmm, bad boy, I told you not to cum early, how should we punish him, Natty? How about putting those big tits between that fucking cock?" Ningning asks. "Oh, good idea," Natty answers. "Let's punish that bad boy," Ningning says.

Natty opens your legs and lifts your body right at her big boobs. Ningning helps her, spitting right between her big tits, then grabbing both from the side and watching your cock go instantly hard as she squeezes Natty's milky melons between them. "Let's start nice and slow," Ningning says, moving her best friend's tits up and down your shaft.

"I love your boyfriend's big cock rubbing on my big tits, keep going," Natty tells Ningning as the Aespa girl gropes her bouncy boobs. "Look at those perfect tits bouncing up and down," Ningning says before grabbing your shaft and slapping it against Natty's boobs, which she loves.

"Yes, baby, let's fuck that monster cock with those big tits," Natty says as she takes the initiative, squeezing her boobs much harder than Ningning. You reach to grab some lube, handing it to Ningning as she helps Natty slide her tits between your cock easier. "Look at me going all the way down your boyfriend's cock with my big tits," Natty says to her.

Natty rubs your cock in her nipple while Ningning chimes in and licks your shaft and Natty's tits at the same time. "Spit all over it, nice and wet," Natty commands. "Put it between your tits again so I can lick it," Ningning says. as Natty follows, bouncing her tits up and down your shaft while Ningning sticks her tongue out and seizes every opportunity to lick the tip of it.

"I can feel it fucking throb," Ningning says as she takes your cock from Natty's tits and put it in her mouth. "Does it feel good?" Natty asks. "It feels amazing," you answer. More titfucking follows as Natty picks up the pace. "Fuck those tits, fuck those tits," Ningning tells you before Natty lets her deepthroat you while your cock is still between her tits.

"We are so thirsty to put that big fat cock in our pussies," Natty says. "So, who wants to go first?" Ningning asks. "I do, I'm going fucking first," Natty says, ready to take that big dick inside her for the first time. "Let me sit on that big cock," Natty commands as Ningning strokes it and slowly puts it in her best friend's pussy for a reverse cowgirl ride.

"Such a big dick, I envy you so much, Ningning," Natty tells her friend. "Let me jerk that cock while it slides in that needy cunt," Ningning says as she keeps gripping her hands on your shaft while that anaconda slowly disappears under Natty's pussy. "Oh yeah," the Thai girl moans as she gets fuller and fuller of your cock.

"He fucking loves your pussy, already pushing up," Ningning says as you thrust against Natty's fuckhole. "OH FUCKKK," the Thai girl moans. "Keep going, thrust that fucking cock deep inside her pussy," Ningning commands. "YES, JERK THAT FUCKING COCK DEEP IN ME," Natty screams alongside her.

Ningning looks deep into Natty's eyes, both of them sharing sexy stares as the Chinese girl fingers the clit of her best friend while Natty takes a huge pounding that makes her big boobs bounce nonstop. "I love watching your tits move like that while my boyfriend's cock fucks you," she tells Natty.

"Oh wow, it's so fucking deep," Natty says as she slowly creams herself all over that big dick, your balls smashing her clit while you stretch your arms to grope her big tits. "Take it, take it, take it," Ningning demands of her best friend.

"That's perfect, that's fucking perfect, DON'T FUCKING STOP, POUND MY FUCKING PUSSY," Natty begs as the clapping sounds of your hips clashing only grow louder. Ningning just watches as Natty gets turned into nothing but a cocksleeve and her friend's tits turn into pinballs. "MAKE ME FUCKING TAKE IT, MAKE ME FUCKING TAKE IT," Natty begs.

"Take every inch of it," Ningning demands as she grabs Natty's waist and pushes her further down your body. "OHHHHHH," Natty screams as her cunt gets drilled at a frantic speed and she starts bouncing like crazy on your dick until she finally cums. "OH GOD," she screams as she squirts all over your dick.

"I wanna taste it, I wanna taste it," a needy Ningning quickly comes and grabs your cock, diving to lick the juices of Natty's pussy, before rubbing your shaft all over Natty's entrance and shoving it back inside. "She wants more, baby, give it to her," Ningning says.

"Destroy that pussy, destroy that slutty pussy," Ningning says. You follow your girlfriend's commands, pounding Natty even harder while Ningning sucks her friend's bouncy tits and enjoys them hitting her porcelain face at full speed. "I NEED THAT COCK, I NEED IT, FUCK ME HARDER," Natty begs as she gets drilled. "USE MY PUSSY, TAKE IT DEEP, PUT IT RIGHT WHERE IT FUCKING BELONGS," she keeps screaming.

You grab Natty's long legs and place her under a full Nelson. "Oh my God," Natty says. Life can't be more perfect for you than now, as Ningning sits on your face and makes you worship her pussy while you plow her best friend's hole.

"Eat that fucking pussy," Ningning commands as she watches Natty get destroyed from a privileged spot. "Oh fuck, that's right in my G-spot," Natty says as Ningning now spreads her legs. "Look at this slut, shaking all over that big fat cock," Ningning notices as Natty's legs start trembling and you can't stop fucking her pussy.

"IT'S PERFECT, IT'S SO PERFECT, I LOVE THAT COCK SO MUCH" Natty announces as Ningning massages her big tits, then climbs up to spit on Natty's cunt and fingers her clit. Despite you locking her legs and using her like a fucktoy, Natty still manages to cling to Ningning's boobs and suck them, Ningning then kisses her and massages her tits further. "Oh yes, I agree, my boyfriend's big cock is perfect, even more, when it fucks that slutty Thai pussy" Ningning says.

"Rub my clit, I wanna cum," Natty tells Ningning. "Hmmm I know you love it, look how wet that pussy is, truly enjoying getting stretched out by my boyfriend's big fat cock" Ningning answers. "Look at those big tits bouncing, so beautiful," she continues, enjoying Natty getting pounded nonstop.

"Make her cum, make her cum," Ningning tells you. "I'm so close, I'm so close," Natty answers, her legs shaking more than ever. "FUCK, FUCK, FUCK," she screams as she's on the verge of cumming, just needs a couple of drillings and some clit massaging from Ningning to finally unleash it.

"Are you cumming?" Ningning asks Natty. "OHHHHH FUCKKKK," Natty says, it's all Ningning needs to know, as Natty cums all over your cock. "Rub that pussy with me," Ninging tells you as both of you finger Natty's clit until she's nothing but a trembling mess. "AHHHHHH," Natty screams as she gets drilled one last time, her cheeks getting clapped while her tits jiggle like crazy. "You look so hot getting fucked," Ningning says to her.

"Now it's my turn to ride that cock," Ningning says as she tastes Natty's pussy from your cock, before letting her best friend have it as Natty deepthroats your cock. Both girls spend a couple of minutes licking your shaft, making sure they get every single fluid in her mouth, before Ningning prepares to sit on your lap, but not before some teasing.

"Let's tease this tight little pussy," Natty says as both she and Ningning grab your shaft together and rub it against the chine girl's entrance. "Get it wet for me," Ningning tells Natty, who deepthroats you again to get it ready for Ningning's tight little pussy. "Now it can stretch me out," Ningning says.

Ningning slowly slides down your shaft. No matter how many times she takes it in her pussy, she always gets shocked at the sheer size of it. But she always takes it like a champion. "Look at me bouncing that tight pussy on that big dick," she tells Natty.

"How tight is she?" Natty asks you. "Incredibly tight," you answer as Ningning's walls squeeze your cock to the fullest, leaving no room for it to breathe, her pussy queefing at each bounce. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh," Ningning softly moans.

"I love this big fucking cock stretching me, OHHHHH FUCKKK," Ningning suddenly screams as you surprise her with thrusts up her pussy, your balls reaching as high as her winking asshole. "Just use that pussy," Natty tells you as she enjoys Ningning's cheeks getting clapped while sitting on your face for you to taste yourself in her pussy.

"YOU LIKE WATCHING ME TAKE THIS COCK?" Ningning asks Natty. "Yes, you look so good taking all that dick," the Thai girl answers. "Watch it, whore, watch my tight pussy grip it," Ningning says as Natty is now the one enjoying watching her friend getting pounded. Ningning suddenly fights your thrusts, bouncing on your cock perfectly as Natty enjoys you and your girlfriend's duel, all that while moaning softly as your tongue sweeps her pussy.

Natty bends just enough to make her tits bounce from the moves Ningning is making, landing them right on Ningning's back, before coming from behind and massaging Ningning's asshole. "This cock is too big for my tiny little pussy," Ningning claims. "But you're gonna take it like the good whore you are," Natty answers, spanking her friend's ass.

"Stretch me, stretch me," Ningning begs as you keep pounding her pussy, Natty takes your cock from Ningning's pussy to get it wet for another ride. "Put it back, put it back," Ningning begs as she can't go 10 seconds without your cock inside her. "You heard it, stretch her," Natty says, grabbing your shaft and stroking it while you fuck Ningning.

"Oh I love the way he fucks me," Ningning says. Natty gives her another naughty stare. "Tell me what you are, Ningning," Natty says. "I'm a dirty fucking slut who loves taking big fat cock in my pussy," the Aespa girl answers. "Take that whole fucking dick," Natty says to her. "YES, I'LL TAKE EVERY INCH OF IT," Ningning answers, screaming.

"You can't help but sit on this fucking cock all day, I know you already go to practice every day with that pussy filled with cum," Natty says to Ningning. "YES," Ningning says, who knows if answering her best friend or just screaming with your cock hitting her cervix.

"I love when you talk dirty like that, Natty, it's so fucking hot," Ningning says. "So you love being a whore?" Natty asks. "YES, YES, YES," Ningning enthusiastically answers, leaving no doubts this time.

"Fuck that whore," Natty tells you as she spanks Ningning's butt one more time and spits in her asshole. "That was hot, do it again," Ninging says and Natty follows, turning Ningning's butthole into a pond of spit while massaging your balls as you fuck Ningning.

"That dick is so perfect in your pussy," Natty tells Ningning as the Chinese girl bounces on it while you take a little break. "You're so good at riding cock," Natty says. "YES, BECAUSE I WANT TO CUM RIGHT NOW," Ningning screams, increasing her speed and tilting her body down as she smashes herself all over that cock.

"Cum all over that big fat cock, work on it," Natty says as Ningning gets closer. "I'M CUMMING, I'M CUMMING, I'M CUMMING," Ningning announces, and as soon as she does you go back to pound her. "FUCKING DESTROY THIS PUSSY, IT'S ALL YOURS, BABY, JUST FUCKING TAKE IT. HARDER. HARDER. HARDER, AHHHHHHH, KEEP GOING, RIGHT THERE" she begs as she cums all over your cock, while nasty Natty adds some extra stimulation by licking her butthole.

Just like Natty's, Ningning's short legs tremble as she reaches orgasm. "DON'T STOP, BABY," she moans as you keep drilling her pussy, Natty salivating as Ningning's juices slowly pour over your shaft and balls. "There you go," Natty says. "KEEP TALKING DIRTY LIKE THAT," Ningning tells Natty as she enjoys her friend getting plowed. "That's a good bitch, so needy for that big cock." you tell your girlfriend.

Ninging pulls out of your cock as Natty quickly jumps to taste her friend's juices. "That cock stretched that tight little pussy so good," she says as she bobs your head on your cock while you massage her big tits. "Choke on it, bitch," you tell her. Ningning soon joins as Natty dives into your balls that she loves so much. "Fuck, that's it, keep going" is all you can say as their mouths worship your cock.

"How do our pussies feel?" Ningning asks you. "Fucking amazing," you answer your girlfriend. Natty is ready for another ride, this time in cowgirl, as you grab her waist and tits while she sits on your dick, tilting sideways and spinning all over it. "Faster, bitch," you tell her, spanking her sexy ass. "YEAH, FUCK," she answers as Ningning just watches her best friend impale herself full of her boyfriend's cock.

"You like this shit?" you ask Natty. "YES, I LOVE IT," she answers. "Then bounce harder," you answer with another spank. "Smash that cock," Ningning says as she joins you in the ass-spanking, hitting Natty's wonderful, bouncy cheeks every time she reaches the bottom of your shaft.

"Such a dirty little slut taking this fucking cock," Ningning says. "Yes, I'm a dirty fucking whore," Natty agrees as Ningning grabs her big butt and makes it bounce on your dick. "Keep going baby, make her take every inch," you tell your girlfriend. "AHHHH, AHHHHH, AHHHHH," Natty moans. "I love watching that pussy being used, taking my boyfriend's big fucking cock like that, you want it harder?" Ningning then asks Natty.

"YES, I WANT IT HARDER," Natty begs as you push your cock up her pussy while Ningning spreads her ass. "Ohhh, baby, you heard it, she wants it fucking harder," Ningning says as you pump Natty like crazy, using her pussy like crazy while Ningning rubs her friend's asshole. "Yes, tease me," Natty begs as Ningning's long nails dig into her anus.

"You love the way we just play with you like that? Our sexy Thai fucktoy for me and my boyfriend to have fun with?" Ningning asks. "Yes, I love it," Natty answers, grinning her teeth as your cock reaches deep into her cervix. "YES, HIT IT, BABY, RIGHT WHERE IT BELONGS," Natty says as she feels it, while Ningning keeps entertaining herself with her friend's backside, now licking her asshole too.

"Use it, use it, use it, harder, harder, harder, take it, take it, take it, fuck her tight little pussy," Ningning continues to cheer on you as Natty rides your cock. "I'm gonna cum again," the Thai girl announces just as you spank her ass again. "Wanna fucking cum on it? Then show what a good whore you are and twerk on my boyfriend's dick," Ningning says.

"Let me fucking cum in that dick, please," Natty begs. "Not yet," Ningning says. "OHHHHH FUCKKK," Natty screams as the walls of her pussy start clenching. "I can feel that pussy smashing that big fat throbbing cock," Ningning says as she grabs your shaft, while you wrap your arms around Natty. "AHHHHH I'M GONNA FUCKING CUM," Natty screams as she squirts all over your muscular body.

Ningning is right there to clean your cock. You take advantage of her and start fucking her throat. "Yes baby, pound that pretty throat," Natty says as she turns around and watches her friend's face getting stuffed full of your cock until Ningning gags. She spits on it and puts it back in Natty's pussy, letting the Thai slut ride it one more time. "Damn, it looks so fucking good deep inside you, I have to admit," Ningning says.

"FUCK THIS BITCH, SHE DESERVES, SHE'S SUCH A NASTY SLUT," Ningning screams as she grabs Natty's ass, pushing you to pump harder and harder into her friend's cunt. Natty can only agree. "I'M A DIRTY FUCKING WHORE, I WANT MY PUSSY FUCKING USED, TAKE IT ALL, I'M NOTHING BUT YOUR COCKSLEEVE, AHHHHH" she screams.

Natty cums all over your cock and tastes yourself shortly after, rolling her eyes as Ningning watches. "That's the taste of a dirty fucking whore," Ningning says to her, before taking it herself too. Both girls get on their knees and choke on your cock, but Natty is by far the neediest. "How does her throat feel?" Ningning asks as Natty bobs her head on your dick. "Incredible," you answer your girlfriend.

Ningning takes advantage of Natty being so thirsty for your cock and shoves her head against your crotch. "Fuck this bitch, yeah!" she says as your cock stuff Natty's throat. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah," you can hear Natty say as your cock muffles her mouth.

"Look at this pretty tongue, so horny for cock" Ningning says as you now push your cock in and out of Natty's mouth while her tongue is fully popped out. Soon, Ningning sticks her tongue out and gets your cock stuffed in her mouth as well.

"You wanna go back and forth? Use those fucking slutty throats?" Ningning asks you as you fuck her face too. But she has tasted that cock countless times already and decides to be a bit unselfish and let Natty get it wet. "Get it ready for me," Ningning says.

Ningning gets herself on all fours as you stick your cock back in her pussy. "Look at that big fat cock stretching that tight little pussy," Natty says as she kisses you and stays right there, spreading her friend's ass. "Ahhhh, just like that" Ningning moans as you hit deep in her pussy under Natty's eyes.

"Use my fucking pussy, please, baby," Ningning begs as Natty whispers dirty words in your ear. "Destroy that fucking whore, make her little cunt sore, make sure she can't walk tomorrow for practice," Natty says to you while massaging and hitting Ningning's ass. "OH YEAH, JUST LIKE THAT," the little Chinese girl screams.

"Such a good bitch," you say to Ningning, hitting her ass. "Yes, I love it when you call me a good bitch while I take this big fat cock" she replies. Natty rubs her asshole while you drill Ningning's pussy. "Are you feeling it getting tighter for your baby? It's begging to get used like a fleshlight," Ningning says as you increase the pace of pounding her pussy.

Natty wraps her arms around your sweaty body, enjoying kissing you while Ningning gets drilled like a fucktoy, your midriff hitting Natty's tits as you thrust up and down Ningning's pussy. "Natty, spank my ass, please," she begs, and Natty obliges.

"HOLY SHIT, YEAH," Ningning moans as Natty now places her naughty tongue in her asshole. "That's the spot, right there, right there," Ningning moans. "Cum for us bitch," you tell her. "Yes, I will if you keep talking like that," Ningning answers. "Beg for it, bitch," you reply. "Please, baby, let me cum, ah," Ningning says in a very soft voice before Natty's tongue in her anus interrupts it and makes her moan.

"Be a good bitch and cum," you tell her. "AHHHHHHH," Ningning's legs start to tremble shortly after you hit her ass. "Yes, baby, cum," Natty says to her, looking at you with sexy eyes as Ningning's legs shake. "Oh my God I can take this cock all night long, I'm gonna be so sore tomorrow," Ningning says.

"We are all going to," Natty says as she spits on Ningning's ass and rubs my clit. "OH MY GOD, MY PUSSY IS SO FUCKING WET, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, I'M GONNA CUM," Ningning screams as the stimulation of your cock and Natty's hands is too much for her to handle. "Fuck me harder, I'm so fucking wet, please, can I cum?" she asks. "Yes, be a good bitch and cum right now," you say.

"AHHHHHH," Ningning screams as she covers the bedsheets with her juice. "Oh look at that creamy pussy," Natty says. "You better clean it tomorrow," you tell her as Ningning collapses and Natty instantly chokes on your dick.

Ningning masturbates watching you fuck Natty's face once again. "Look at this pussy so wet after that big fat cock stretched it out," she says. Now is Natty's turn to put herself on all fours and get stretched out. "Oh yeah," she says as your anaconda finds the depths of her cunt for the 100th time that night.

You give Natty a very fast-paced pounding, grabbing Natty's waist hard as Ningning spreads her legs to get her pussy eaten out by her best friend, her tits bouncing harder as you use Natty like crazy. "Make her cum," you tell Natty. "You like licking my pussy?" Ningning asks her. "YES, OH FUCK, IT'S SO DEEP, SO DEEP," Natty answers before you overwhelm her with your cock putting up the heat in her Thai pussy.

You feed your cock for Ningning to taste and put it back in Natty. "I'm gonna jerk that big fat cock into that tight little cunt," Ningning says as she lines up to the side of both of you. "OHHHH FUCK," Natty screams as your thrusts and Ningning make your cock throb and drive her to the edge. "Harder, harder, give her harder, show her how good of a slut she is" Nearly an hour into the sex session, Ningning continues to push your limits.

"I'm so close again," Natty says. "Oh my God she needs to cum all over that dick again, such a nasty bitch," Ningning says. "OHHHH I'M CUMMING," Natty announces as her legs shake again. "FUCK, DON'T STOP, DON'T STOP, PLEASE," she begs as you continue to move your cock up and down her cunt. You grab Natty's waist and pound her like a madman, making her tits jiggle like jelly. "USE THAT FUCKING HOLE, I'M YOUR COCKSLEEVE WHORE," Natty screams as she cums.

Ningning shoves her ass in your face as a reward. "Good boy, fucked the slut just like I told you to," she says. Natty keeps moving her pussy up and down your cock despite your mad thrusts ceasing. "Let me jerk that cock in my pussy," she says as Ningning enjoys getting her ass eaten while Natty comes from below and sucks her tits.

Ningning then stacks herself on top of Natty, fingering herself as she enjoys her best friend going back to being treated like a fleshlight. "Tell me baby how much you enjoy those fuckholes right in front of you," Ningning says.

"Holy fuck, that cock is ripping my pussy apart," Natty says as you switch your cock to Ningning. "Yes, baby, switch between those fucking pussies," Natty says as she lets Ningning fully stacks on top of her. "Give her that fucking cock," Natty says. "Oh yeah, baby, make my pussy juice fall all over her fat ass, cover that dirty little slut" Ningning answers.

The back and forth between Natty and Ningning's pussies go on for a few more minutes, with you even going a little acrobatic and grabbing your girlfriend's body to eat her pussy while you fuck Natty's for a bit. "Oh yeah," Natty cheers as she watches you fuck her and tongue Ningning at the same time. "Fucking use those pussies," she says.

Ningning opens her legs for a round of missionary fucking. Natty warms your cock and leads it back into your girlfriend's pussy, enjoying your massive cock bulge under her best friend while she lubes your shaft. "This slut is so tiny yet she takes your big fat cock like a champion," Natty says.

"I want to feel it against every single wall in my tight little pussy," Ningning begs as Natty spreads her cunt wide open for your cock. "Go nice and slow, I wanna feel every inch," Ningning begs. "I love how you fuck her pussy, it's so beautiful," Natty says.

"You like how my pussy just swallows this dick down?" Ningning asks you as Natty plays with her pussy lips. Your answer comes with a thrust that almost splits her in half. "AHHHHHH, SQUEEZE THAT FUCKING COCK IN MY PUSSY" your girlfriend screams as Natty spits on her pussy. "Such a tight whore," Natty says.

"You're fucking the shit out of me, AHHHHH," Ningning says as Natty fingers her clit. "Take this dick in your tight pink pussy," you tell her. "Yes, tell me to take it, call me a dirty little slut," Ningning commands. "Take this dick, dirty little slut," you soon say. "Look how wet she is, she loves it when you talk dirty to her," Natty says. "Yes, I love it when you talk dirty to me like that, it makes me fucking cum so hard," Ningning answers.

"Use my tight little pussy baby until you fucking explode, get those balls ready to cum all over us," Ningning says to you as her walls squeeze your cock further. "TAKE MY FUCKING PUSSY, HARDER, DEEPER," she begs as Natty kisses her.

"AHHHHHH," Ningning screams as she cums, shaking her legs for one final time as you get on top of me. "There it goes, Natty says as she rubs her best friend's pussy and kisses her tits and then her face. "Natty, kiss me, kiss me," Ningning begs. But today, you won't cum inside your girlfriend's perfect pink pussy, you have already done it multiple times. You already have a different target. But so does Ningning

"Should we let him cum now?" Ningning asks. "Sure, I think he has worked hard enough," Natty says. She opens her legs to take her turn, smashing them against her big tits as you pound her pussy and make them bounce.

"Oh my God yeah you're gonna stroke that cock inside of me," Natty commands as she grabs her big tits and you push harder." That's perfect, that's perfect," she says as you look right in her eyes, and then spit on her mouth while Ningning savors her big tits. "Such a good slut," Ningning says.

"Fuck, you treat my pussy so well," Natty says as you drill her nonstop. "OH FUCKKKK, THAT'S YOUR PUSSY, THAT'S YOUR PUSSY" she says as Ningning rubs her clit. "Yes, you're damn right, I own that Thai pussy," you say.

"HARDER, HARDER, MAKE THOSE BIG TITS BOUNCE," Natty begs as your balls clap against her skin louder and louder. Ningning just watches still fingering her friend's pussy, before Natty finally says the magic words.

"You wanna cum in my fucking tits?" Natty asks. You are never going to say no to that, pulling out of Natty's pussy and fucking her tits super hard, ready to cum at any second.

You fill Natty's huge tits full of your milk. "Oh my God, look at this big fucking load," she says, in disbelief as she grabs her tits to lick your cum out of her left side boos. Ningning clears your cock and sucks the other boob of Natty, before cleaning it all and swapping your cum with her best friend. "Taste it, dirty whore," she says.

"Damn, that was intense, I think we need a shower," Natty says. You stay in bed and fall asleep while they wash the sex fluids from their bodies and talk to each other about your big fat cock. But soon, you wake up with your shaft crushed between a pair of tits and a naughty tongue on your tip.

"Don't fall asleep, baby, we can do this all night," Ningning says. "So, Natty, what do you want to do next?" she asks

"First he should fill our pussies, and if he's a good boy, we let them fuck our asses," she answers.

"Perfect, let's begin," Ningning says.

[boopshoops]

What your favorite TWST character says about you :)

As a note before I begin: I saw one of these that shamed malleus and randomly even chenya enjoyers- (claimed that they were pick mes or something? 😭) so i wanted to make one that was more positive out of spite <3 make it more about the writing and why people appreciate the characters. Take each of these with a grain of salt i spose- also a lot of them share similar themes <3

(Aka fans who have different views or even blatantly incorrect views of characters will always exist everywhere, but insulting the entirety of a group solely for enjoying a character, many for different reasons, is probably not a great idea!

I get that sometimes people suck and thats understandable, but quit generalizing ok? Ok.

From a malleus enjoyer who just thinks hes a silly little guy and im tired of feeling like i have to defend myself bc he's my blorbo 😵‍💫)

Final note: i love unapologetically taking frustration and turning it into something that can make people smile 💕 also i blindly wrote this from 11pm-midnight :))) dividers by @/cafekitsune!

Heartslabyul:

Riddle: you enjoy and/or relate to the idea of healing from the past. Working hard to improve oneself for the ones around you and yourself: creating a healthier environment where you can be happy

Trey: there is immense complexity in things that are seemingly mundane. Digging deeper and deeper to find something truly sweet and heart warming is your joy.

Cater: maybe you relate, or maybe you used to, or maybe parts of the connections made in the past/presence/future dont feel as deep as you truly want them to be. There is something beautiful about a desire for genuine human connection, but also peace in being alone. There is a safe space for you yet, just be patient. 💕

Deuce: you love drive and determination. An endless stubbornness that keeps one going against all odds. Against every person who tells someone they cant. You watch them get proven wrong, and its pure bliss.

Ace: you find the connection between people beyond words heartwarming: even the seemingly simple ones. The ability to have a connection with someone who can get up to some mischief, tease back and forth, yet be there when you need them to be one of the most valuable things.

Savanaclaw:

Leona: Adversity over a lack of belief in oneself is a very difficult thing to overcome- yet it is very possible with the right crowd, the right amount of time, healing, and effort. You think someone's worth lies more than just within their title/job/appearance, but within the fact that they are able to stand back up and keep moving onward despite the odds. The hope for that change, and the ability to get out of bed in the morning on its own is strength.

Ruggie: Despite being through so much trauma at such a young age, recovery happens anyway. Its not perfect, at times the lessons learned are even rough. The survival tactics that once helped are now hard to ditch when theyre not needed anymore, but the ability to smile and joke and keep pushing onwards is something you value in life.

Jack: Self discipline can be both extremely useful as well as harmful in different ways. You find the way people can constantly strive to better themselves at what they love and/or morally to be highly admirable.

Octavinelle:

Azul: People can be cruel. And sometimes that cruelty inspires cruelty. Sometimes its simply used as a way to move on and survive insecurities created from it. Its hard, its a fight, but those insecurities are part of what make people beautiful. They are nothing to be ashamed of, and even the many tactics and smart ways of learning to overcome cruelness can be beautiful too.

Jade: The mind is extremely powerful. Intelligence and knowledge are not the only important things, no. Using that intel to find entertainment in the surrounding world can be exhilarating. Finding and discovering new unknowns: learning their ins and outs until they're a part of you is something you can relate to.

Floyd: speaking of fun- you love what is essentially the written version of a roller coaster. Ups and downs, ins and outs. Every single twist and turn is exhilarating and new. Every different perspective provides new insight into a multitude of different things. You are along for the ride, and you are having a lovely time.

Scarabia:

Jamil: self discovery can be very difficult after purposefully suppressing parts of one's self for a long time. Yet, the healing happens anyway (once again aha <3). People discover new parts of themselves, slowly becoming more comfortable not only with their environment, but how they react to it. The discovery is freedom, and freedom is bliss to you. New traits about oneself bloom like a flower: if not in the soil, then stubbornly in the cracks of cement. You gently take that bloom from the concrete and pot it, placing it gingerly in a beam of sunlight.

Kalim: Happiness isnt only sunshine to the one smiling, but to everyone else around them. It is delightfully infectious. However, happiness isnt a constant. You think emotions all emotions should be experienced rather than suppressed, because holding back sadness for the sake of others is a disservice to one's self. Discovering your own emotions, any range of them, is what makes people uniquely human. If anyone is holding those emotions back- hell, any part of them back, they need to be let out of the cage.

Pomefiore:

Vil: "Beauty is on the inside" is a saying thats been around for a long time, but beauty comes in so many forms. It can come from the stubborn desire to improve one's self: to be kinder, to help those around you, to be good. However it is impossible to be perfect. At times, for some, this can be crushing. People are hurt unintentionally, natural frustration can brew, the wrong actions can be taken: and thats okay. You believe whats important is to pick yourself up and keep going. To err is to be human, and that is beautiful too.

Rook: Error is beautiful. Symmetry is beautiful. Asymmetry is beautiful. A crack in the side walk is beautiful. Small things are beautiful, big things are beautiful. The nurturing of something through endless care is beautiful. The undeniable traits and hobbies of every individual that make them unique are beautiful. You find the endless optimism in finding beauty to be, in itself, beautiful.

Epel: Sometimes people will view others in ways that they wish not to be perceived as. This isnt in our control, as much as we sometimes want it to be. All you can do i be unapologetically yourself. To be you to the utmost degree. To prove those who thought otherwise to be foolish. You find this strength to find value in yourself despite others opinions admirable.

Ignihyde:

Idia: you have depression /j

Ok for real-

Life can be such a cunt. It can beat a person down, down, down and leave them vulnerable enough to fear it. To fear that beating, whenever it may next come. The anxiety of never knowing what or who will come next, or what one could lose. At times it feels more comforting to find a routine in solitude. But you know that the small things that give joy will wiggle their way in with time. The broken will meet people who love and care and find comfort in the companionship of healing, even from the little things: like a new story to read or game to play.

Ortho: You value unconditional support. Support through everything: the good, the bad, the just kind of okay. Knowing that someone can have ones back for every little thing- to be there solely because they care and wish the best for others- is something you look up to and maybe even wish to be for another.

Diasomnia:

Malleus: god damn people can be so hard to read and understand. They are so complicated: they are books you have to pay attention to from start to finish. But once you reach the end, you have a deep seated appreciation for them, and for the ones who stuck around to read your book too. Even if it was just for a fleeting moment: it is a happy moment. As painful as temporary things can be, it is also what you think can make the relationships we love and have loved so valuable.

Lilia: there can be suffering everywhere. There is war. There is famine. But there are also endless new sights to see. New discoveries to be made to help those still going through famine and war. New ways to love and understand people you never thought you'd understand. The development and positive parts of humanity, even though at times it can look bleak, are ever present to you. You love the discovery: of places and of people.

Silver: you believe that there is solace in being your own individual, regardless of who you are bound by blood to. Being shaped my experiences, friends, hardships, and new places are what make a person who they are. You value finding roots in and making your own home.

Sebek: Dedication can be a hard thing to come by, but when it does it can grab someone by the reigns. Using every waking moment to cherish that thing, learn more about it, become better at something, and strive to better ones self can be very admirable to you. But, on the other hand, it also calls for the occasional rest.

OTHER (just for ones I know well enough, sorry!)

Neige: You love kindness despite hardship. One can go through horrible things and still choose to be kind. The world could begin to end, and one could still choose to be kind, because it means everything.

Chenya: Curiosity fuels exploration. It fuels art. It fuels everything. It fuels excitement. It fuels friendships. It fuels medicine. It fuels life. Curiosity is endlessly fun, and you think that is very whimsical

Meleanor: Sacrifice for others can be tragic. Knowing what another person has given up for someone else, maybe even everything, is gut wrenching but undeniably a selfless love to you.

Crewel: There can be kindness in strictness. In teachings, there can be a parental guide. There can be someone who cares for you and undeniably wants you to succeed. They know that you can, so they push you towards it. You want this support.

Trein: Love surpasses time. When the ones we love are gone, the memories of them are still held close, with the love once given to them, we can show to others through advice and guidance that comes with time. You find comfort in that.

Crowley: People are flawed. We all know this, yet despite a persons flaws... however many there may be, there is still something hopeful and human about it. About having those flaws and persisting regardless. You may even like those flaws, and the unashamed desire to press on even with them on display.

Fellow/Ernesto: Live for yourself. This is what you desire. People are often caught up in material or monetary things. After all, we live in a world that required it to survive and even be respected. To throw away those views and simply live as you see fit: regardless as to whether you earn those things or not, is something you admire.

Rollo: Sometimes the attachment we have to those we lost can be painful. Regardless, that pain is proof that there was care and love. The things done for others, whether alive or dead, are done selflessly. Grief can fuel hatred, but it can also be caused by love. To unlearn hatred and learn to love again after the fear of loss is a natural human experience. It is a process you understand and admire those who take the time and strength needed to properly love again.

Thank you for reading <3

Tags <3

@lowcallyfruity @skriblee-ksk @justm3di0cr3 @cecilebutcher @kitwasnothere

@techno-danger @thehollowwriter @distant-velleity @the-trinket-witch @scint1llat3

@beneathsakurashade @qsoap @twsted-canvas @prince-kallisto @kathxrat-01

@sillyslipperybananapeel @jadelover69 @tixdixl @twstinginthewind

[laprasboat]

sometimes i read posts about dan and phil's relationship and all i can think about is how it feels like the person who wrote the post has 0 examples of loving, healthy relationships around them

don't get me wrong, certain aspects of their lives/relationship are special and unique

but often people point out stuff that should be normal in relationships, i don't mean this in a "their relationship is nothing special" kind of way, but it makes me sad to hear so many people say they don't think they'll ever have something like that in their lives

having a partner who loves you, cares about you and genuinely enjoys spending time with you, someone who looks at you like you're the greatest thing since sliced bread is not an unachievable feat, a privilege reserved only for the most special people

sure, you're probably not gonna meet them as a teenager and build a career together (and not everybody wants that either) but i don't think that dan and phil's relationship would be less meaningful or beautiful if they met when they were 30 or if they never made it on youtube

i think there are just so few examples of couples (especially queer couples) both online and in media in general, that have healthy relationships, not to mention that so many of us were never taught to communicate effectively (speaking about people in general, not a specific demographic of people)

and all of this just reminds me of the numerous dating coaches on the internet (this specific rant was triggered by one of them) especially the people who treat romantic relationships like a really complicated game

i saw a video one of those "dating and love coaches" made about how your partner should not be your friend and how you shouldn't feel comfortable enough to talk to them about anything and everything, that's what your "girl friends" are for

and maybe im a bit biased, growing up i watched my parents who were (and still are) very much in love with one another and absolutely are each others best friends, but i cannot imagine anything more sad than dating being nothing more than a transactional relationship

i know im just ranting at this point and can't even tell how coherent this is, but if you're still reading this, i need you to understand

and i cannot stress this enough

you absolutely can (if you want) have a relationship that makes you as happy as dan and phil's relationship makes them

no you cannot have a relationship just like theirs, because you aren't them, what they have works for them and you need to figure out what works for you, what makes you happy

but don't let anyone convince you that you're supposed to be unhappy and that you should just settle for the relationship that makes you the least miserable

[wannabepoeticischiya]

all the colors of the sun

ao3: all the colors of the sun pairing: karasu tabito x f! reader genre: romance wc: 17.6k status: one shot

You don't need to wish for love or for someone to love you. Because… sometimes, you just never realize that you've had them all along.

And if he were to put it into words, he'd tell her: “And ya don’t need to wish for him to love you…”

Because he already does.

“No way in hell did Karasu get a girlfriend before me!” Otoya protests, voice laced with all the stinging sensations of envy as he, Isagi, and Yukimiya huddled together like the Avengers if the superhero group was the type to peek at people from around a corner.

The object of their interest? None other than the assassin, Karasu Tabito—talking animatedly to a girl all the while looking like he just won the World Cup, saved the universe, and had gotten married all in the same day. His smile was very annoyingly wide, and his laughter sounded so happy that it scratched the ears of his very envious teammates.

"Maybe he’s just being nice to a fan," Yukimiya offered, though the model himself couldn’t stop the bitterness from tagging along with his words. He swears he could almost taste it.

“Karasu?” Otoya questions incredulously.

“Nice?” Isagi follows.

“Ha! The only way Karasu and nice belong in the same sentence is if the word isn’t is in between,” Chigiri remarks, arms crossed as he leaned against the opposite wall, silently judging his teammates—who were very keenly drawing nearer and nearer to the borders of looking like electric posts if they could pull the We Bare bears pose—from their spot in the corner.

“Why’re you guys talking about him anyway?” Chigiri asks, sipping casually on his energy drink.

“Look at him, Chigirin!” Bachira’s head popped up from behind the trio like a Whac-A-Mole, pointing dramatically at the crow in the crowd. “Karasu’s talking to a girl!”

Chigiri chokes mid-sip, spilling his drink all over his hands and on the floor from absolute mortification. “He’s what?!”

"Whatcha guys yellin' for? Yer gonna get us in trouble if ya don't keep it down—"

“Hiori! Look at your childhood friend!” Isagi whispers in alarm, as if the scene he’s been watching unfold before his eyes for the last five minutes is nothing but fever-induced hallucinations.

"He ain't my childhood friend,” Hiori mutters, rubbing the back of his neck in annoyance that he had to clear this up, again. “If anythin’ he’s—”

Tired of Hiori’s stalling, Isagi shoved the Ice Man’s face in the direction of their crime-committing teammate.

“[Name]-san?” Hiori mumbles in surprise, blinking repeatedly as if the scene before him was something out of this world. Well, he should’ve expected this considering… well, considering them.

“You know her, Hiorin?” Bachira pokes his head from Yukimiya's side, curiosity all over his honey-colored eyes.

“Yeah,” he breathes, still struggling to process the image, “She’s…” his words faded to a dull echo. It’s only been a few months since he last saw them together. There wasn’t anything unusual, same old Karasu, same old [Name], still laughing and talking like they were the only two people in the world. They’ve always looked like that. Always looked at each other like that. So how come seeing them now… how did they look so different? Almost as if they were…

“In love.” He whispers.

“What?!” The peepers—minus Yukimiya—screamed in unison, garnering a few odd stares from the people walking by.

“What I meant,” Hiori clears his throat, “is that she’s Karasu-kun’s childhood friend.” Hiori smiles, “She’s also ridiculously strong.”

“Can’t be stronger than Karasu, right?” Otoya asks, his eyes giving way to the bubbles of whatever evil plan it was that he was concocting in his head.

“Oh, I ain’t sure.” Hiori shrugs, “But from all the fights they had that I can remember, she never lost a single one."

Hiori caught sight of the smirk on Otoya’s face growing wider, and if he were to push it, Hiori was certain that Otoya would was going to tear his jaw open from it.

Amused by the ninja’s shamelessness, Hiori imparts a very much needed word of wisdom.

"If she and Karasu-kun were to fight for real right now, she would still win.” He laughs, not quite liking the sudden image of Karasu’s bruised face from long ago showing up in his head, “and that's with Karasu-kun burnin' all the candles at every end."

Otoya’s suggestive expression wilted like a rose at the new information, stepping behind Yukimiya all of a sudden.

Wanting to see how far he could go, Hiori hummed and pretended to think deeper, “I think she does kickboxing—or was it karate? Well, doesn’t matter. Yer screwed either way, Otoya-kun.” Hiori pats Otoya’s shoulder as he walks past the group of terrified teenagers, “Best not to try!” He calls, waving his hand in farewell.

As he walks away, snickering softly to himself as he noted the look from his teammate’s faces. He remembers the day those two met, a moment in time so engraved in his head it felt kind of strange to see how much had changed.

Or maybe… just maybe, nothing’s changed at all.

---

"Didja lose your partner?"

A younger [Name] stood in front of a boy crouched by the bike rack near the curve, popsicle in hand as the other scratched the back of her neck—craning her head to see if anyone was around the corner.

[Name] tried to catch his eye, shamelessly offering the half-eaten treat to him when he ignored her question.

Met by his silence, she steps closer to him, setting her bag next to his yellow hat as she crouches down to try and get a glimpse of his face.

"Oi," she calls again, waving a sticky hand in front of his face. "Can ya hear me?"

The boy hides his face further in the comforts of his arms, swatting away her hand without a word.

[Name] furrowed her brows at his dismissal, pouting at him even if he couldn’t see.

What’s this kid’s deal? She thought.

Just as she was about to get back up and walk away, she heard him—albeit very soft that could be mistaken for the wind—whimper.

He wasn’t upset at her or anything, but he just didn’t know what else to do at the moment, so he couldn’t help but try to push her away. This was the last thing he wanted… for someone to see just how weak he was. He didn’t get partnered up with the girl he wanted, so what? It wasn’t like it was the end of the world. He thought it was the stupidest reason in the world. It shouldn’t be something to be so upset over.

But he was.

To him… getting partnered up with Marisa really, really mattered.

Pained by the sudden reminder, he felt the back of his eyes tingle, silver brimming his downcast gaze.

"H-Hey, c'mon now, don't cry..." [Name] panics, dropping down to eye level with him once more at sight of the tears streaming down his very sad face. Mindlessly, she thrusts the melting, half-eaten popsicle to him like an offering, like the spirit of summer could magically solve all his problems.   

She pats his back awkwardly, "I lost my partner, too." She blurted, her voice colored in cheer and laughter, as though the matter of losing a buddy on a school field trip was a funny story they can share for life.   

The reason for Karasu's sadness was a very different matter altogether, still, he appreciated his classmate's efforts. Her kind, and frantic energy pulling at the corners of his lips even by the smallest centimeter.   

"Hio-kun prolly made it back to the teacher, maybe your partner is there!" She smiles at him, like there was no surer thing in the whole wide world aside from her optimism. She extended a hand for him to take. "Let's go back, Nakimushi-san!"

"I'm not a crybaby!" He snaps, finally looking—more like glaring—at her through watery eyes, "And the name's Karasu. Karasu Tabito!" (believe it!)

"Okay, Tabito-chan!" She beams, one so bright it made him squint.

Before he could reprimand her for her actions, she plopped the matching yellow hat back onto his head, the brim settling crookedly as her sticky fingers lingered for a second too long. She adjusted the straps of her red backpack and looked to him in anticipation.

"Don't go calling me by my first name like we're close or somethin’!" He yells, flustered at the thought of a girl being all chummy with him.

"Sure thing, Tabito-chan!" She replies, completely ignoring his protests as she drags him by his hand and led him back to rest of the group.

---

That was how they became friends.

According to the testimony of Hiori Yo—who was originally [Name]’s assigned partner—she was seen ditching him half-way when caught sight of an ice cream store, and somewhere along the way got wired with a crying kid on the sidewalk.

From that day onward, they just sort of… stuck together

---

At eight years old, [Name] discovered Karasu’s secret, as much as a secret it could be but… what she unveiled was his crush on Marisa—the resident cutest kid in class, according to him.

It wasn’t intentional. [Name] blamed it on Karasu. It was completely by accident.

She went to his house one Saturday morning to return the ball he had left by mistake last night when he came over her house to play.

His older sister, Tsubame-nee-chan, who looked just like Tabito but with longer hair and a kinder attitude, had told [Name] that her best friend was upstairs. She was so used to having the girl come over that it started to become weird when there wasn’t any laughter and banter in the house.

“Tabito’s upstairs,” Tsubame waves from the living room, laughing at something her friends said. “Ya can just grab him yerself!”

Muttering a faint, ‘Pardon the intrusion’, taking off her slippers, and a ‘Thanks, Tsubame-nee-chan!’, [Name] climbed the steps, no limit to her usual buzzing energy.

But the second her foot closed the last step of the stairs, she halted.

[Name] caught sight of Karasu at the far end of the corridor, standing in front of the full-length mirror he probably used more than his sister—or anyone in his house for that matter. The boy hadn’t taken note of her presence just yet, seemingly immersed at whatever it was that he was doing that merited his undivided attention and spatial awareness.

She tilted her head in curiosity and breathed to call out to him.

And with little to no warning at all, his voice broke through like thunderstorms.

"Marisa, I like you," he tells his reflection, flushing red from the weight of his own words.

[Name] gasped, her jaw dropping to the center of the earth—the surprise simmering in her soul that it had frozen her over where she stood, causing her grip on the soccer ball to loosen. The ball slipped from her hands, descending step by step down the stairs, sounding like a drumroll for impending doom.

The sound had Karasu whipping his head in her direction looking like roadkill. Blushing, in the nicest word; lovesick in the worst.

"YOU LIKE MARI—!"

Karasu, in sheer mortification, bolted toward her, yanking her away from the stairs and slapped a sweaty palm over her mouth before she could blacken his name in his own household. His heart racing faster than when he stayed past curfew and had to go home knowing his mom was waiting for him by the door with a slipper.

“Shaddap!” He hisses, voice barely above a whisper as he glances around like a criminal.

Meanwhile, downstairs, in the living room, Tsubame glanced at the direction of the stairs—noting the series of thuds and muffled and restrained yelling—raising a questioning brow as it had her pausing mid-laugh. A minute of silence ensued after that, so she immediately concludes that it was probably nothing… hopefully.

Those two were always loud and rough and chaotic, there existed no day where she could describe them with just two of those adjectives, and frankly, it would never work anyway. Where there was loudness there was chaos, and all the other matches.

Besides, her brother was a soccer player, and [Name] was a karate practitioner.

Totally normal.

Back upstairs, Karasu dragged [Name] into his room like she was a dead body he was desperately trying to hide.

When he was sure that the door was slammed shut and that no other human on earth could possibly lo and behold his newly discovered secret, only then did he let her go. He knew full well that as he stands there all red-faced, heart pumping, colored in all the shades of horror for his impending fate, shoulders heaving as he struggles to regain his composure… Karasu Tabito was never gonna hear the end of her teasing.

And it began the moment [Name] stood up, dusted the dust from her clothes, and looked at him with the most skin-crawling smile to ever graze humanity. “Sooo… Marisa, ey?” She jabs his side with her elbow, her smile growing impossibly wider.

Karasu groans, sliding dramatically against the door like a telenovela star as he hides his face behind his hands. “Yer absolutely not allowed to tell anyone!” he commands, glaring at her from where he was, trying to act all big and scary but failing in [Name]’s eyes since he was far too red-faced like a stoplight to be considered a threat. “’Specially not my sister! She’d tease me and I’d be forced to hit the grave early.”

"Don'tcha worry, Tabito-likes-Marisa, yer secret’s safe with me!" [Name] salutes dramatically, a certain twinkle in her eyes as if his wishes were a heaven-sent mission to their strongest soldier.

Karasu let out an exasperated sigh, ruffling his hair in frustration—already beginning to count the days that remained of his secret.

"So...” She started, leaning closer to him with a mischievous smile, “Whatcha like about her, Tabi-chan?" [Name] teases, wiggling her eyebrows while she was at it, poking his reddening cheeks at the reminder of the pretty girl from class.

His face erupted in all the shades of red—if it was even possible. [Name]’s prodding wasn’t helping his racing heart one bit, in fact, it only made him feel like his own organ was trying to break down his rib cage and run as far away as possible.

He wasn’t getting away from this—not unscathed—so might as well fess up.

"Well, she's really cute." Karasu admits, a tiny, soft smile painting his expression.

[Name] nodded enthusiastically, leaning closer in anticipation. But Karasu remained silent, he was just smiling there like an idiot staring off into yonder.

"What?" he asks as he took note of the unimpressed expression on his friend's face.

"Ya mean that's it?" she deadpans, all the happiness draining from her face at the sight of Karasu's lenient expression speaking volumes far more than when he spoke the words—"Should there be more?"

"Oi! I always thought ya weren't the sharpest tool in the shed, but I didn't know yer stupidity was this high—OW!" [Name] yelps as Karasu karate-chopped the top of her head, effectively drawing the curtains to her insults to a close.

[Name] glared at him, eyes reflecting the thought: you dare use my own spells against me?

"You don't get a say!” He protests, crossing his arms over his chest defensively. “Ya never liked anyone but the neighborhood cat!"

Because for the life of him, no matter how many kanji he learned to read or write, he was certain he couldn't convey a hundredth of Marisa's beautiful qualities.

"Liking someone is dumb!" she shot back, wincing as she rubs the top of her head to ease the ache. She was certain she'd develop all the necessary dodging maneuvers from her friend alone.

"Of course, ya'd think that you gorilla." Karasu laughs as he leaned over to pull at [Name]'s cheeks just to annoy her further.

The small conversation was something only the two of them shared. Lost under the stars of all their laughter and the echoes of their smiles… forever just theirs to keep.

Karasu never confessed his feelings for Marisa in the entirety of elementary school, or ever for that matter. And [Name], surprisingly true to her word, kept his secret well, a secret.

That’s why it came as a surprise.

It was the day of their elementary school graduation.

Tabito and [Name] stood next to each other as his sister took their photo, saying that they were one step closer to ‘reaching the age of maturity’ as she had so cryptically put it. Because what on earth could she mean by that? They were plenty mature. It didn’t help that she was smiling weirdly at the two of them while she was at it.

But the biggest shock of the day wasn’t Tsubame-nee-chan’s sudden teasing, no. It was something entirely different.

Marisa called to Tabito just as their class had finished capturing a photo together. [Name] hardly had any time to see everything unravel before she was whisked away by the Karate Club to take a picture of their own.

As she caught the last of their shadows from the corner of her eye—Marisa, all smiles and laughing, Karasu, standing looking like he could snap like a taco shell at any moment but hid his situation very well.

For some reason unknown, the sight of them talking rang an unpleasant melody in the caves of [Name]’s chest, rattling the once peaceful solitude.

She blamed it on the pollen. She blamed it on the heat or the cold, whichever was more prominent. She blamed it on… quite literally everything else. Not willing to admit to anything—not when she didn’t even know what the heck this was.

Later that afternoon, when the two found themselves at the beach loitering on the wave breakers by the roadside to watch the sunset, Karasu told [Name] that Marisa—his life-long crush at the time—had confessed to him.

He told it like it was nothing. As if it was no more than an ordinary occasion, like a weather report!

But [Name]’s reaction was a stark contrast to his nonchalance.

The revelation crashed against her like a tidal wave that nearly had her toppling over the concrete barrier, in danger of falling to the sandy shore—a generous twenty-foot drop at least.

Karasu grabbed her by the scruff of her clothes, heart pounding at the sight of her almost falling— “Idiot, be more careful!” He scolds, carding a hand through his ever-growing violet hair.

“MARISA CONFESSED TO YOU?!” [Name] screams, standing up in absolute shock with zero regards that she almost had a close date with the grim reaper a few minutes ago.

"Hey! I already told ya to watch yerself! You'll fall!" Karasu reminds, reaching out to steady her. His brows remained furrowed as he stayed seated on the concrete barrier, only this time, one hand caged her own as his other found anchor on her ankle.

"Whatcha say? Ya better not have told her somethin' stupid! Gosh this is excitin'—"

“I rejected her.”

The world came to a standstill at the resounding echo of his words. But the tides continued to crash against the shores, drawing away not a moment later. The birds’ orchestra flowed like the spring zephyrs as they flew over the vast finiteness of the horizons. Still… [Name] could not feel herself move from her frozen state.

Wasn’t it too sudden? It felt like only yesterday that she discovered his crush for their classmate. Why… why?

Karasu looks to the ocean with a completely calm face, a stark contrast to the slowly rising tides. The sunset painted him golden, like all the stars melted just to color him in this moment.

When he was colored in that light, saturating him in every shade of soothing silence, softening his features… for the first time in forever, Karasu felt unreachable. Like he belonged to a world she had no right to step into. As though he would continue to travel past the borders of the milky way to some unknown universe far beyond what [Name] could comprehend.

When he was painted in all the colors of the sun, it was hard to deny.

It was difficult to fight the fluttering sensation thrumming in her heart—surging in all the forms of power—of happiness.

[Name] tugged on his arm that held her own, urging him to look at her as she asks, "Why?"

Indeed, why?

For as long as [Name] had known him, Karasu's always liked Marisa. He even went as far as to make her swear not to tell a single soul about his infatuation with the girl, not because he was embarrassed, but because he thought far too lowly of himself—believed that he was too ordinary—for someone like Marisa to ever like him back.

"I... well, we're gonna go to different middle schools,” he shrugs, sweeping it under the carpet like it was no big deal. “It would be a long-distance thing ya get me? So I rejected her." He talks about it so easily, always acting that it isn’t eating him up inside.

He was always like this.

Using the hand that held the hand of the girl standing before him, Karasu pulled himself up from his sitting position. He towered over her easily, already breaking past a hundred and seventy centimeters—a reminder that they were growing up—and he was sure to grow taller in the near future.

"Nothin' weird about it,” he comments apathetically. “Completely normal—ow! Hey! What're ya doin'—[Name]!" He hurriedly shielded his arm from [Name]’s aggravated assault.

“Yer an idiot!” she fires at him, her frustration dropping on him like a bomb.

"Ow! [Name]—stop! You hit like a gorilla—ow!" Karasu finally held her thrashing arms, caging her in his hold so she couldn't hit him anymore.

He wasn't sure why [Name] was acting this way, or why she was so upset over this. What he was certainly most certain of is that her punches hurt. They hurt a whole lot.

"You're an idiot..." she echoes.

Karasu tried to look her way, but it proved to be an arduous task as she kept her head down. A few stands of her hair prevented Karasu from discerning what sort of expression was on her face. He hesitantly let her arms go, watching them fall to her side softly.

Karasu poked [Name]'s forehead, pushing her head slightly to get her to look up.

"Hey..." he calls gently, closing the remaining distance between them with a single stride, "Why're ya cryin'?"

[Name] looks to the ocean, aggressively wiping away the traitorous tears that slipped from the shackles of her eyes. She wasn't gonna cry over this. It was stupid.

"You liked Marisa a lot, Tabito."

It took Karasu by surprise that [Name] called him by his first name, free from her usual teasing jeers and awful nicknames—still, he didn't understand why is it that she was so upset by his situation.

"I just..." she begins, glancing at him from the corners of her eyes before sighing and turning to face him, "It was yer chance to be with the one you loved—"

"Oi, oi... love is a strong word for that—" Karasu wanted to complain, to say that it really wasn’t like that, but looking at the saddened expression of his friend, he thought otherwise.

"—and you let the chance go just like that." She admits, her voice threatening to crumble from the heaviness that she felt—and before long, her tears had broken free from their holding cells.

"I know I can't say anythin' to ya cuz I'm a gorilla and I don't like anyone else but Miiko but don'tcha think it's a waste—" Karasu cut her off by wrapping his arm around her form, tangled her in gentleness that stood in great contrast to his usual rough and jagged demeanor.

Because he didn’t like seeing her cry.

He doesn’t like it when other kids make fun of her, even if he knew that she was better equipped to handle them far more than him. He doesn’t like it when she’s sad. And he doesn't like it when she wasn’t around.

[Name] was an irreplaceable figure in his life… and it hurt him just as much that she—that she was sad… and he felt even worse this time because he knew that he was the one who caused it.

"Gettin' a love life ain't everythin' in this world ya know?" he tells her, threading a hand through her hair in a soothing gesture.

[Name] buries her face in his chest, nodding despite knowing that he wouldn't see.

She felt like the world's biggest scumbag. Her best friend in the whole wide world just turned down the girl he liked for so long.  She should've been sad—angry at the world for forcing this fate unto Karasu, to her best friend who was the kindest person on earth. And she was!

Desperately, she tried to convince herself that she was.

But here she was… taking advantage of his kindness. Trying to take more than what she was given.

Because what else could this be? That there was this thrumming sensation in her chest that rejoiced in knowing that Karasu turned Marisa down.

"Hold on, why are you the one cryin'? Shouldn't it be me?" He teased, ruffling the threads of [h/c] that covered her head.

"Idiot!"

---

As the seasons changed and the moon waxed and waned, a good chunk of their time in middle school was spent with Karasu breathing into his soccer career slash club slash obsession, playing alongside Hiori Yo—[Name]’s initial elementary school partner whom she ditched to get ice cream and was later forced to apologize to by her mother—all the while [Name] dedicated hers to Karate.

The two remained as close knit as ever, choosing to wait for whomever had practice the longest so they could walk home together. Spending all breaks and lunches lounging around and glaring at people who looked at them funny. [Name] complaining about chemistry because who the hell would find joy in dragging numbers up and down, sideways and backwards, all over roll over. It was a pain. All she knew was that Protactinium + Nitrogen + Calcium + Potassium + Einsteinium = PaNcaKEs. And that was just about how far her Chemistry braincells could peak.

It didn’t help that Karasu was a wizard when it came to that godawful subject so when it came to helping her with it, tutoring sessions are 5% learning, 3% complaining, with all the rest occupied by his relentless teasing.

A horrible experience.

But for them who had known each other since once upon a time, it was nothing unusual.

Everything the same as ever. Same old science woes. Same old swimming classes despair. Same old faces. Same old Karasu. Same old [Name].

for the majority of middle school, karasu dedicated all his time and effort to soccer—playing along side hiori yo, yn's initial elementary school partner whom she ditched to get ice cream and later apologized for leaving him behind—while yn gave hers to karate. the two best friends remained close as ever. choosing to wait for whomever had practice the longest so they could walk home together. Everything was the same as ever. same old clubs. same old faces. same old karasu. same old yn.

That was until one winter night of their second year of middle school...

[Name] was set to compete for the winter Karate tournament and if she did well, it was one step closer to Nationals.

She trained day in, day out near the field where Karasu played soccer when the school field was out for break.

The soccer player was not privy to her unshakable resolve, even going as far as labeling her—and letting her know—that she was “working so hard like a cow” which he received a kick as thanks.

It was fine during spring—her training that is, even more so in summer, and Karasu would even let it slip in autumn but winter? Winter was a different matter altogether.

For the past days (and even last year), he had told her off for it—scolded her far more times that he would like to admit with a tone laced with all the streamers of irritation and illuminated by the lights of his concern. “Ya gotta stop workin’ yerself so hard like a cow, gorilla girl. You’ll get sick!”

As he makes a move to hit her head like he always did, [Name] dodged and repaid his words with a very kind kick to his side, sending him staggering a few steps away.

"Ya don't get ta lecture me on that, stupid crow! Yer here too, equally as guilty! And don't call me a cow! Or a gorilla!" She points a numb finger in his direction, because even with her stubborn and brutish attitude, it sadly didn't make her immune to the cold.

"Yeah, yeah..." He waved her off with one hand as the other rubbed the spot she kicked.

"But I'm runnin' around so I ain't as cold, but you've just been standin' there for the past thirty minutes, aren'tcha cold?" He quirks a brow at her as he approached her slowly, like a wild predator cautious to scare away his prey.

"Oh, I'm freezin’." She agrees nonchalantly, a mist of white clouds leaving the borders of her lips.

"Act more like it then, idiot." he deadpans, scratching his head in frustration.

"Here," Karasu breathes into his hands moving closer so he could cup her face.

"Woah. Ya really weren't jokin' when ya said yer freezin'" he says in surprise, laughing at his own discovery like it was the most amusing thing in the world. "Are yer hands cold, too?"

He retreated his hands and made a motion to take off his soccer gloves not a moment later, looking at them for a few moments—trying to figure out which hand was right and left, even if they wouldn't matter in the end—before sliding them onto her trembling fingers.

They hung loosely on her despite the Velcro straps going as far as they could possibly go.

Since when did he grow so much?

When she looks away from her hands to thank him, [Name] felt the world around her freeze into place, frosting over like the trees that bordered the field. Light snow descended from the heavens, the last sunrays dipping behind the horizons of the sky as the stars flickered to life one by one.

And then there it was again, that same fluttering feeling from so long ago. Only this time, it set everything in her to flames: her blood rushed far too fast for her head to keep up, lighting the meadows of her face to a vibrant shade of red, setting every hollow and edge into a raging inferno. She felt cold and warm everywhere—like her body couldn't decide if it wanted to burn to ash or forever freeze with winter.

The colors of the night shone in a vibrant light, flowering in circles from the sheer intensity—brighter than the summer sky yet dimmed in comparison next to him—to Tabito who looked at her like she was the only thing in the world, rubbing his hand against his arm to spark heat so he could thaw the frozen wasteland ravaging her soul.

Since when did she begin to see him like this? When did he become so saturated in all the colors of everyday life that he blended in so well?

When... did I start feeling like this?

Don't look at me like that, [Name] wanted to tell him. Don't laugh at me. Don't hold me like this... just don't.

Because if he did—when he does all of this—how was she supposed to fight off this greedy, hungry feeling festering inside her? This needless longing to keep him close to her, to never let him go, to show him all the wonders of the universe... all the colors of the sun, everything that he turned his back on because he believed that he wasn't enough to have any of them.

When he looks at her like that, when he laughs... when he holds her like this—how was she supposed to deny it?

That she was in love with him.

[Name] was in love with Karasu Tabito.

---

When the wave of High School crashed against the two best friends, it brought with it the cruellest game fate could play on [Name].

Marisa… had returned.

The same Marisa she had teased and jeered at Karasu about when they were kids. The same Marisa… Karasu had loved—again, such a strong word—for so long. And she guessed—no matter how much she didn't want to entertain the thought that Karasu could still like the same Marisa from elementary school—he loves even now.

And it nearly killed her inside when she found that her suspicions were true.

It was a week after their first year had begun when Karasu came running from the pitch to meet her halfway, cleats thudding against the grass as she made her way to the bleachers.

"[Name]!" He yells as he ran towards her in full speed it nearly had [Name] contemplate if she should move aside so Karasu doesn't accidentally trample her over. But he ran to her with the biggest smile she had ever seen on him—yes, even happier than the time they won the local tournament—it broke her heart to even think of sidestepping him, even if he did pose as a road hazard from his speed.

"Why'dya hafta feel like ya need to win a marathon, Tabi-chan?" She punches his arm playfully once he skidded to a stop near where she stood (after nearly running her over).

She sets her bag down as she laughed at the sight of Karasu buzzing in excitement. Must be something really important to him if he's this happy about it. Before [Name] could fully turn to face him, he had already grabbed her by the shoulders and started shaking her back and forth. "She's here!" He cheers.

"Who's here?"

"Marisa!"

[Name] felt her heart shatter from the happiness decorating every word that left the orbit of his tongue, shining like the stars that could’ve littered her evening. She should have been happy for him. Really, she should have shared even half the joy he felt from his supposed amazing discovery. She should've... she knew full well that she should.

So why does it remind her exactly of elementary graduation?

When he was whisked away from her by the same girl who she cheered Karasu to pursue? Why does it remind her so much that she wasn't a figure like Marisa in his life? She wasn't the object of his desire. Karasu didn't hold an ounce of romantic affection for her like he did for Marisa. She... [Name]... was just his friend. She was his best friend. And god... did that hurt—that she couldn't be more than that—when all she wanted was to be a little greedier, to have a place in his heart like Marisa did. She couldn't quite understand it... even if she knew deep down that Karasu liked Marisa, that he had her image perched atop a pedestal in the center of his heart, [Name] couldn't be contented with just being his friend.

The one friend who loved him so much.

The one friend... that he couldn't love back.

"Ya hafta help me, [Name]!” His voiced anchored her back to reality. “I know I told ya that gettin' a love life ain't everythin' but now that I actually stand a chance... I—I don't wanna lose it agai... [Name]? You still there?"

Karasu waved a hand over her face, taking note of the expression painted on her face, almost as if she just saw a ghost. "Hello? This is ground control to [Name], are ya still in orbit?"

Through the haze, [Name] watches as Karasu walked around her in circles, poking her cheeks to try and get her back to him—huh, what an easily misunderstood thought.

She blinked, taking in the way he eyes her in confusion, his ridiculously gelled hair remaining immovable even as he prods and scratched his scalp like they held all the answers in the world. Really, it wasn't him who was stupid for trying so hard... it was her.

Because as it stands, she was the one foolish enough to fall for him.

"Oho~ so yer finally mannin' up to ask her out, eh?" she smirks, her facade tugging at the seams of her resolve, pulling at the pieces of her shattered heart. In the silence of his unspoken rejection, she found herself gluing them together, even if they threatened to come apart later. Just a little longer, she would coerce. Just a little more... so that he doesn't find out—so he wouldn't find out—that his feelings... were slowly killing her.

"Don't even start," Karasu holds a hand to her face, he couldn't stomach that teasing shine in her eyes. How long has it been since he last saw that? Far too long he believes, still... he asked himself why he didn't miss it as much as he thought he would've.

Back then, even if it annoyed him to the point of starting a fist fight with [Name]—which he not-so-surprisingly lost every single time—he would secretly be grateful that she pushed him to go reach for the things that made him happy. In his little love life endeavors. No matter how badly it ended for the two of them—like getting scolded for coming home late or getting accompanied by the neighbor who owned Miiko, the cat, back home.

So why now? He didn't quite understand why it had to be now that it felt so wrong to see her pushing him towards someone else again.

She used to do it all the time, and it never bothered him.

Karasu briefly asked himself if the reason behind it was because they spent three—going four—years having no one else but each other. No, that couldn't have been it. Hiori was there sometimes, and Karasu was sure it never felt like this unpleasant feeling.

This was [Name] for crying out loud! The elementary kid who offered a half-eaten popsicle to him like it was some treasure. [Name] whom he pushed into the mud pond and laughed as she tried to get the dirt off her face. [Name] who could kick him so hard that he would fight to hold back his tears—even now that they were in high school.

[Name] was his best friend...

"I'll help ya get with 'er!" she grins, planting her hands on her hips in that little mannerism of hers that Karasu bets she doesn't even know she does, as though she was about to give him some prophet-level guidance free of charge.

Karasu just stares at her, longer than he would have liked to admit. Has she always been this short? Or did he simply grow taller?

Had they always been like this?

Yeah, she was his best friend.

And there should be nothing more.

…Right?

---

And so, the first semester of their first year in high school was spent planning ways to get Karasu together with Marisa while [Name] pulled all the hair on her scalp trying to hide her ever growing affection for her violet-haired friend.

This also consisted of asking around the campus for Marisa with [Name] doing all the "cow's work" as Karasu had oh-so-gently put it, which merited him a much-deserved kick to his shin.

He had many excuses. One, he didn’t want to seem desperate (which he was). Two, he was too busy (which he is). And three, apparently, he didn’t want any rumors to start going around that he was still pining over his elementary school crush (which he very much was).

Even if [Name] told him not to be ashamed of it, Karasu still couldn't bring himself to do it...

Part of it, though, was because he didn’t miss the way the fire in [Name]’s eyes froze over whenever it was mentioned. He just decided that he didn't like that even if he didn't know the reason why. It bothered him. A lot.

If it were [Name] who asked around, it was different. There would be nothing to worry about since she was also a girl, and girls look for other girls all the time, didn't they? They even accompany each other to the restroom like a pair of FBI Agents.

And if Karasu were to lay his heart bare for everyone to see, the only girl he looked around for, flipped heaven and earth over, out of his own jurisdiction and nearly toppled over in despair when he couldn’t find—aside from his mom and his older sister—was [Name].

But he didn’t know how to tell that to her.

The two best friends (mainly [Name] doing all the hard work) discovered a couple of interesting information about Karasu’s person of affection:

Marisa was in the swim club, an extremely coincidentally convenient twist of fate since the pool was by far the nearest facility near the soccer field (the dojo the farthest having been located on the other side of the school).

She excelled in Japanese Literature and Chemistry.

She worked part-time at a local café on Saturdays around the afternoon, another heaven-sent opportunity since soccer practice ended right before noon.

And finally written at the bottom of the paper in all caps along with a few doodles of hearts.

4. MARISA LIKES MUSHROOMS!!! ❤❤🍄❤❤

"Is that enough, yer highness?" [Name] asks him sarcastically, rubbing the tiredness from her eyes as she had spent majority of her night stalking Marisa across all social media platforms.

She could pass as a CIA agent by now from all this digging.

She eyes the page ripped from her notebook that Karasu held in one hand as they sat face to face in the classroom—with their desks pushed together to accommodate their lunches.

Written on the slightly wrinkled paper, in messy scrawny handwriting were the fruits of her hard labor.

"I better get compensated for his, you rabies-infected crow." she mumbles, resting her head on the desk, closing her eyes from the tiredness.

"Wow, ya got all of this in one night?" Karasu scans the paper, they weren’t much but it was still far more than what he could’ve gathered on his own. His stare lingered a moment longer on the girl—noting the way her head stayed resting on the desk, exhaustion seeping through the crevices of her skin as he observes the way her entire frame wilted from exhaustion.  

[Name] hummed in confirmation, far too tired to give a worded reply. Now that the less than sufficient hours of sleep were getting to her, she feared that if she spoke another word to Karasu about Marisa, she would end up saying something she'd regret. So, it was best to just... stay silent.

It's getting easier to hear Karasu talk about Marisa. Bearable in the kindest word; numbing in the worst. Still, it didn't mean that she could deny that it hurt any less.

Learning to live through something was very different from accepting it, especially when it was the one you love loving someone else.

[Name] just hopes that she gets over this soon—because the last thing she wanted was to get in the way of Tabito's happiness. Or worse, lose him because of her own selfishness—because she couldn't get over a silly pathetic crush—that she couldn't stop wanting, praying… hoping to have him more than a friend.

"Oh, she likes mushrooms," she hears Karasu mumble, seemingly intrigued.

It was better to pretend that she didn't hear him. It's better this way, she tells herself. He wasn't going to remember anyway, but somehow, her traitorous mouth always worked faster than her brain, a step too late to grab the chance to hold her tongue before she says something she would regret... which is now.

"Ya can give her yer mushrooms now, Tabi-chan."

Silence blanketed the distance between them, seemingly setting them apart from the reverberating chaos ensuing in the classroom.

[Name] was embarrassed beyond belief, feeling her entire face catch fire yet was too exhausted to shield it away from him—not like he could see, but still!

Please let the ground swallow me whole.

Karasu looks to her like she suddenly grew three heads. "I'll always give ya my mushrooms, [Name].” He whispers softly, placing an elbow on the table, propping his face upright with his palm as he unconsciously smiled at the blush that littered the meadows of her face.

“Ya love 'em right? Just ‘bout the only other thing ya like other than Miiko." He snickers at his own jest, remembering a time in their childhood where [Name] would look over the fence and stare at the neighbor's cat for hours or chase it around the little alley way near Miiko's house.

She felt her heart skip a beat. [Name] blamed it on the weather, or perhaps a growing ailment that made her heartbeat irregular. This was practically Arrythmia—dangerous and a health risk!

But she was sure that heart diseases didn’t come with lingering affections for your best friend. It also didn’t come with the pain of knowing that he was never gonna like her back. And she was most certain that it wasn’t attached with happiness after knowing that he remembers…

[Name] didn't like that she felt happy that Karasu knew that little thing, even if everything about her had practically become baseline knowledge for the soccer player. She just didn't like it.

"Uhuh," she agrees mindlessly, her voice squished by gravity as she remained still laying her head on the desk facing the window and looking at the world vertically.

"When ya marry her, can't just go out in the middle of dinner ta hand me some mushrooms, right?" She teases, the rumble of her laughter feeling more like a hurtful jab to her already breaking heart.

"I guess..." Karasu no longer stared at the paper he held in his hand, opting to observe his very sleep deprived [Name].

Maybe the dryness of her eyes was getting to her or perhaps she was tired of him beating around the bush and walking on eggshells every time Marisa was around.

Karasu sighs, folding the paper three times and tucking away in the safety of his bag. The raging inferno in her soul dwindled to a small flame, her usual bladed tongue that cut through his ego had dulled, her silence all too prominent in a world where everyone had something to say.

Ah… I don’t like this.  

"Hey, gorilla woman." he grips her head like a ball, although he took a conscious effort not to hurt her—lest he risk his well-being be a training dummy for the karate practitioner.

[Name] tried to wave away his arm but right now, she was too tired to even lift her hand. She could only mumble a very annoyed, "Don't call me gorilla, you rat-nest haired crow."

"Let's go to a café this weekend." he suggests, taking a strand of her smooth hair and twirling it between his fingers like it was some sort of scientific breakthrough.

Was it weird that he was inviting her to go out all of a sudden?

But this was [Name]! They always went out together whether it's the local fair, watching a soccer match, those late-night convenience store runs... this was nothing special.

Karasu started to chant that phrase like a mantra in his head. He was catching himself doing that too much—trying to convince himself that it was nothing—that spending time with [Name] was like a norm already.

They've done it a thousand times and he reckons, a thousand more after this... so what's the difference?

His heart thudded against the confines of his ribs at the sight of her: tired beyond all rhyme and reason, brows furrowed from the noise buzzing in the small room filled with their classmates and other students, her empty bento box next to his own like yin and yang. Salt and pepper. It wasn’t complete without the other.

Has she always been this present in his life? Since when? When did she start to be so interwoven in everything he did that it became strange when she suddenly disappears even when she’s right there? Really… since when?

Since forever...

And maybe, just maybe, that was the difference.

An idiotic part of [Name] rejoiced at his invitation—

"We can see Marisa there while we're at it," he quickly adds without thought, afraid she might misunderstand.

—yet all too suddenly; cruelly, she is reminded that she shouldn't long to be more than just his friend.

"Sure thing, Tabi-chan..." she whispers softly, forcing the thorns in her throat to pin down the hurt so they wouldn’t tumble out—that he may never see them.

And there, with the afternoon gale flowing past the curtains, she feels her heart breaking a little bit more.

---

When the weekend rolled around, Karasu finished his soccer practice exactly before noon, leaving him with a few spare minutes to change into the extra clothes he brought with him. Initially, he felt like the unluckiest athlete in the world when he dragged his ass here at 5 in the morning yet now that he was preparing to spend the rest of his day earlier than what he originally planned, he began thinking that it wasn't so bad after all. At the very least, it gave him enough time to go and see [Name] look at him in envy that his practice ended earlier than her.

[Name], much to Karasu's expectations, did not look at him in jealousy as he had hoped. Instead, she was second-in-line for kicking practice, looking like all the forces of good and evil conspired together to make her day as terrible and energy-draining as much as it could.

The Karate coach, a middle-aged woman who was also their gym teacher, made everyone stay back to practice some drills, claiming she saw it on her social media feed last night and wanted everyone to try it out... and no one was going to leave until at least one of them got it. It was cruel—very much the kind of savagery she expected to get from this tyrant (coach) in her innate domain (karate)—not that she was any stranger to cruelty, though she would be lying if she claims she didn't feel just a little bit sad when she was at the receiving end of it.

Karasu was allowed to stay in the dojo and watch, so long as he remained a safe distance from any potential kicking pads that might come flying his way—a warning he engraved to his mind and soul after getting smack-dabbed in the face by one, and many, many close calls.

It wouldn't be the first time he'd watch [Name] practice; he'd been making the trip from the soccer field to the dojo ever since the beginning of first year that the coach relented and let him stay no matter how many times she told him to go away.

Karasu didn't mind the extra cardio, more often than not, [Name] was the one who had practice running so far from dismissal time, leaving him with nothing to do but sit and wait for her to finish so they could go home together. And it was rarely the other way around.

But seeing her here, in her element, always tugged at something in his chest. A sort of reminder that this was the girl he was lucky enough to call his best friend.

When it was [Name]'s turn to do the drill, everything faded to silence... until it was just her: bouncing on her feet under a thousand shimmering lights, drawing in a breath in preparation. And like the flow of the spring zephyrs, she sliced through the air like a fairy—an aggressive and very, very strong fairy—striking the lowest pad with her left foot, her right foot forcing the middle pad to fly, and finally—after so many failed attempts and an almost sprained ankle—successfully kicked the last top pad with her left foot.

She landed gracefully, like the first fall of snow, shattering the momentary reverie Karasu found himself raptured into.

What the hell?

[Name] looked to her coach in miserable anticipation, a silent plea to release her from this torture. It was between this room and this witch how many times she and her teammates had to do that godawful trick.

The coach gushed over the exhausted [Name], complimenting her for a few seconds before dismissing training.

[Name]'s tired vision zeroed in on Karasu, who was sitting cross-legged on the floor near the door, bag next to his side, and looking every bit the part of someone going on the most anticipated date of his life. [Name] blamed it on the light, or the fatigue seeping into the cracks of her heart, but for a small moment, a foreign light shone through the depths of sapphire pools of his irises.

She thought nothing of it, choosing to lazily wave at him from where she stood, completely oblivious to the lingering glimmer in his expression or the way his face shone brighter at her greeting as he waves back; that for the first time ever, the usually cocky soccer player found himself drowning in the oceans of shyness and hesitance at the sight of his best friend.

"Imma change real quick, so wait for me a little longer, 'kay?" she called, brushing past his figure as she sluggishly—bag in hand—made her way to the locker rooms.

Karasu nodded absentmindedly, his eyes tracing the shadows of her figure until she disappeared around the corner.

C’mon, me, this isn’t the time to feel all mushy for [Name]! That’s [Name]! Your best friend! The gorilla girl next door always working hard like a cow, he internally scolds himself.

Karasu let out a low groan, slumping over on the floor, staring at the place where [Name] once stood. He swore he could almost see her figure there, and he would have believed his own illusions if he didn't just see her walk past him to go change.

The soccer player runs a hand over his face in frustration. "Honestly, what's wrong with me..." he mumbles, covering his head with his arm like it can somehow magically put out the wildfire wreaking havoc on the meadows of his face, burning through his resolve like paper.

In the locker room, [Name] was facing a dilemma of her own.

"Hey, [Last Name]-chan, are you and Karasu-kun going out?" one of her teammate asks, a gentle curiosity for Karasu and her long-term friendship, but the words felt like collapsing stars in the once quiet place.

In horrified befuddlement, [Name] screamed an anguished—"Huh?!" like the words her teammate spoke had been a cursed enchantment that will linger through her bloodline for a thousand generations and not the fantasy she wanted to bleed into reality.

"That gel-faced crow who's scared of water? Hell no!" she denies, trying to have it look like the teases and jeers she usually passed around with others.

"But he always waits for you to finish practice" her teammate pointed out.

And it was true—Karasu always made the trip across campus just to wait for [Name] to conclude training no matter how long it dragged on. She recalls the many times the soccer player had fallen asleep by the door, using her gym bag as a pillow because, according to him, her clothes were fluffier and a lot more comfortable that the mess of dirty, sweat-drenched heap in his bag he called clothes.

And as told by another one of his anecdotes, [Name]'s stuff (and even herself) were lot more preferable sleeping buddies than a soccer ball. A soccer ball! Then there was also the day he carried her home after a particularly bad fall from kicking practice, even if Karasu himself was tired beyond belief.

"That mole rat's been around for so long, we prolly look the same in everyone's eyes by now." [Name] jokes as she continues to rummage through her bag, shaking her head from the horrible image of her having Karasu’s hair.

"And besides..." she murmurs, her gaze distant as she stares at the dress she chose—picking apart her closet all night, spending so long trying to carefully place it in her bag—only to betray herself by abandoning it last minute.

He already likes someone else.

---

The walk to the café was relatively silent.

Karasu kept the comments of [Name] being far too quiet for the past week to himself. He thought, maybe she was just tired. The school festival was coming up, but she also still had to train. It was cruel, especially the arduous training he saw her endure earlier that she looked ready to rearrange her coach’s face to roadkill.

Domed by an eternally blue sky, he glances at her from the corner of his eyes.

She looked like hell!

Karasu wasn’t about to lie and tell her that she looked great—that would just be cruel—so he chose not to say anything at all.

He didn’t trust himself with his words, a restraint he put on himself like heaven’s command after he caught himself looking around a store and thinking: Oh, [Name] would like this,or, She’d look good in this, before a hollowing echo of, She always looks good in everything though,would cause him to freeze where he stood and cover his face in shame for having such thoughts.

By far the worst case of this was when he stopped someone because he mistook her for [Name]—it was ridiculous! This was getting outrageous!

Yet one look at her, right here, when all the colors of the sun had painted her in an ethereal light, how could he still think that she was the most beautiful person on the planet?

It must be witchcraft. A curse put upon him for lying. A truth… that he was finding increasingly difficult to deny.

Absolutely… ridiculous…

"You tired?" he asks casually, even if the answer was staring at the road in the form of dark circles heavier than Oganesson.

"Nah.” She smiles through the haze, lazily eyeing him from the sides. “This is the usual ain't it?" she laughs, shifting the weight of her bag that she refused to let Karasu carry despite his many offers and demand for her to just give it to him.

"Don't act so tough, gorilla woman. If yer tired, we can always just go another day." He rubs the back of his neck, finding no other thing to do to ease this shaking sensation in his cardiac muscles.

"Stop callin’ me gorilla woman, you turd-face crow,” she barks, though her tone didn’t hold an ounce of real bite. “'Sides... we're already here. It'd be a shame to leave now."

They stood in front of a glass-front café, cakes and other deserts peering at the passersby from the window. The little signboard by the door offering a warm welcome.

The scent of something faintly sweet weaved with the aroma of coffee waltzed though the warm air of the shop, a low hum of conversation rippling the serene atmosphere.

It thankfully was not the busiest place on the planet. There were a couple of middle school kids by the window side laughing amongst themselves, an office worker staring blankly into the horizon as the sunlight caught her auburn hair in a shimmering light, lastly, an elderly couple shared a pie and some loving smiles near the bar.

"Welcome!" A melodic voice cuts through the air, littered with all the scent of flowers in an open field, warm like the hearth of a fire.

Karasu turned at the direction of the voice, squinting at the sight of a girl in an apron holding a notepad. Who the hell was this loser? He thought, amused in the kindest light, domineering, in the worst.

The soccer player pushes [Name] to an empty booth, telling her to go order whatever her heart desires.

“Just get me whatever,” she mutters, closing her eyes looking every bit like the monks he occasionally sees on TV… only cuter—what the actual hell?

“Sorry to burst yer bubble but they aren’t sellin’ that here.” He teases, reaching over to pinch her cheeks to get her to wake.

“Ow! Quit that!” She yelps and swats his hand away, sticking her tongue out at him before grabbing the menu from the table. “I’m gonna make your pockets hurt, turd-face.”

She buries her head in the menu dedicating every bit of concentration on the booklet, and he let her—even if he knew how this was gonna end.

“The Chocolate Milk non-coffee drink! And some cake trio platter!” she smiles at him—like he hung the constellations in the sky, or that he had been the one who conjured all the colors of the sun—the first in a long while, so it seems.

“Ya always get that everywhere we go.” He sighs, tracing her features with a gentle gaze.

“Ya asked me what I wanted, and I want that—” she raises her voice in faux defiance as if daring him to contradict her.

“Yeah, yeah…” he waves her off, flicking her forehead to add to her ire. “’Scuse me,” he calls over the lady who welcomed them earlier.

[Name], lost in her own thoughts, allowed her gaze to linger on his side-profile from under her lashes. It wasn’t intentional. Why was he sitting there like that anyway all broad-shouldered and tall and—and…

She sighs in defeat.

When did you get so pretty? She thinks, mapping the edges of his jaw, memorizing the sudden sharpness in his gaze.

When did I get so sappy? She lets out a breath, shaking her head to clear her thoughts.

"Oh, Karasu-kun! Long time no see!"

The greeting caused [Name]’s eyes to shoot open, her stare landing on Karasu before it traced his gaze to the café worker smiling at them—at him, every atom the embodiment of a daydream. Built upon the foundation of effortless femininity.

“Uh…” Karasu trails off, unsure of what to reply. He was certain he didn’t know this person—

“You don’t remember me?” the waitress points to herself, “It’s Marisa, from elementary school.” She laughs, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ears.

Karasu didn’t speak for a moment, short enough to feel natural yet all the stretch to let [Name] know that he was struggling to think about what to say.

"Marisa… Oh, Marisa!” His voice raises higher than expected, like he was caught red-handed for something he was guilty about. “Didn't expect you to be working here." He says, his easy-going tune hiding the truth that they intentionally chose this place because she was working here—that it was not a fated coincidence but a conspired plan. That was what [Name] thought, after all, she was the one who brought him here.

But Karasu… Karasu had forgotten all about that.  

"[Last Name]-san, too. Hello," Marisa greets politely, every inch of her polished to a girly perfection. [Name] nods her head in acknowledgement, mumbling a quiet “Hi”.

"So, what can I get you two?" She asks smoothy, quickly pulling out a notepad.

Karasu steals a glance at [Name] finding her slumped where she was seated, painfully aware of the feel of her knee grazing his from under the table.

"I'll get the bamboo shoot soup if ya will." He replies cooly, like it was the most natural thing in the world, and it probably was.

What wasn’t natural, however, was that…

"Ever the favorite, huh?" Marisa teased, writing down his choice. "Ours have some mushrooms in it, so do be careful."

…She remembered.

"No biggie, [Name] here loves those." Karasu tilts his head to her direction. Did he have all the intention to rub it in her face that he was so close to getting the girl of his dreams? Or did the world mocked her through him as if saying, in big bold letters: Stop dreaming already, girl, yer never gonna get ‘im. Totally not cool.

[Name] didn’t know how to reply, she had no intention of doing so in the first place since she wasn’t even supposed to be part of this conversation to begin with.

"Really? I love mushrooms too, [Last Name]-san." Marisa beams, smiling like an angel.

"Well ain't that a surprise!" Karasu laughs.

No... it really wasn't.

He was enjoying this too much, [Name] thinks. How cruel does fate have to be that [Name] was hearing this conversation right in front of her face? Pretty damn cruel. She was no stranger to that, her coach made sure of it, fate made it certain, and the world set it in stone so that she may never forget.

Yet it still hurt. It hurts… so much. Every time she’s led back to this road, back to this desolate, empty, and pot-hole-riddled road—her resolve… breaks just a little bit more.

But she took one look at him, at Karasu—her best friend in the whole wide universe—looking so happy, and she plunged to freezing depths of her acceptance.

She steeled her heart, tightened the seams that they bled through the threads. Just a little longer, she whispers. Please, just for a little longer. Karasu's happy. Finally, after three long years of waiting for this chance, it's already within his grasp.

That's right.

This is how it should be.

This would be the inevitable outcome of all this planning and running around. All so he can be with her.

These useless feelings need to go away, they need to leave because they would just get in the way. They'll wedge themselves between Karasu and his happiness. [Name]’s yearning to be more than just a friend in his eyes would drive him away. Karasu didn't think of her like that. He didn't like her that way. And he would never. And she needs to learn how to accept that.

Because why would he—how could he—if Marisa was the one in front of him? How could he bring himself to love [Name] when the girl of his dreams liked him, too?

I'd rather see them happy together. So happy that it'll show just how ridiculous it is for me to want him. Until I can't even dream of it anymore.

Because that was how it should be.

This was the reality.

[Name] loves Karasu that much was true.

But... Karasu loved Marisa… and no power on earth was going to change that.

---

"Isn't this strange," Tsubame, Karasu's older sister, mused, looking up from her schoolwork all the way from the dining room table to stare at her little brother's entrance like he was some strange lab experiment gone wrong.

"What's strange?" Tabito questions, yanking his shoe off with all his usual carelessness before haphazardly shoving them in the cabinet by the door.

"Yer not with [Name]-chan."

Tsubame now stood before him, an inch taller than him, courtesy of the higher leveling of their living room from their entry way.

"Didja get in a fight with her or somethin'?" She buzzed around the taller male like a bee, completely forgetting about her work still littered on the table. "Finally win? Yer count is on an outstanding three to fourty seven, those three wins because you cheated!"

Karasu dodged his sister's nosiness, grabbing a glass from the cupboard to fill it with his usual kelp tea.

"We didn't fight," he mumbles, from his spot, he could see past the window above the kitchen sink and to the window of [Name]'s living room. "She was just tired 's all." He answers mindlessly, rinsing off his glass before turning to leave, brushing past his older sister and her simmering curiosity.

Tabito didn't understand it himself.

That was supposed to feel like mission accomplished! He should've been over the moon, even reaching farther than the center of the galaxy... but he wasn't.

He blamed it on the mushroom he was forced to eat! He blamed it on the karate team's coach. He blamed it on destiny, on fate, on any other higher being messing with him and laughing in the coves of their habitats!

Most of all... he blamed himself.

Whose fault was it other than his that all [Name]’s hard work got burnt to the ground?

Because when he talked to Marisa for the first time in three years—just when he thought it would be a lasting moment that would echo for all eternities to come—he felt absolutely nothing. Like that day back in elementary graduation. Completely impassive from that girl's confession.

Empty.

He didn’t even recognize Marisa! He called her a loser! And despite having her right next to him, within arms’ reach, close enough to hold, all the bit possible to touch… all he could think about was the girl sitting in front of him.

How her eyes looked too tired, that she probably wanted nothing more than to sleep, or get that tournament trophy over and done with and goof around.

Everything about Marisa blended with all the colors of the earth, nothing but a backdrop to make everything else shine. Her voice fading to a dull echo until all he could hear was the silence…

"Ya can't keep denying, Tabi-chan."

...Silence left by the lack of [Name]'s presence.

It must be witchcraft; someone must've cast a spell on him on the way home! That must be it! Because why on earth was he hearing [Name]'s voice in the safety of his home when he very much clearly saw her walk through her front door and shut the door on his face?

He blamed it for forgetting to clean his ears earlier, because the next words he heard came in the form of his sister's voice. "If there's somethin’ ya wanna say to her then ya better say it."

It was tsubame-nee-chan from the very beginning.

It was just Tabito thinking otherwise. It was him summoning all these hallucinations of [Name]. Conjuring the image of her in the afternoon haze, seeing her face in the breaks of dawn, hearing her voice in the horizons of twilight. It was all him. All him.

"It'll make ya feel better if yer just honest with yerself. Do it now while ya still have the time." Tsubame places a comforting hand on her little—who is now not so little—brother's shoulder. "Regret always comes when the moment's over."

"Does this come from yer personal experience?" Tabito shot back, evading what he already feels engraving in his heart.

"Imma let that slide, you ungrateful brat," Tsubame smiles through her irritation, before it quickly thaws to a sigh, "It's an old saying, Tabito. 'Repentance comes too late' or 'the biggest fish is always the one that got away'." She shakes her head, tired of her brother being an idiot!

"While she's still there, just tell her how you really feel."

"What's that s'posed to mean?" he barks, aggravated by the hidden implication, he didn't like that—

"Oh, please! Assess yerself for once!" Tsubame yells, throwing her hands fed up with this idiot’s stubbornness, turning her back and retreating to the dining table to continue her work. “Ya shouldn’t need someone to spell it out fer ya! Figure it out like man, ya idiot!”

His sister’s words strike true, rattling the peace within his great fortress of denial. The weight of it left him standing there in the ruins of his cowardness, unsure if he should rebuild the remnants of something he once had thought would stand for eternity.

Tabito needed to know that for himself, he knew that. He also knew that he shouldn't need an external force to have him work on his tangled feelings of friendship and love, because it would make it meaningless. He needed to find that out on his own.

He needed to do all that gruelling powder and brush work on his own accord and find out for himself where exactly did he cross the line between friends and 'I guess spending life with you wouldn't be so bad'.

[Name] was always there.

Everywhere he looked, in every memory he held, she existed. No matter what point in his life he travels back to—she was just... there.

All the memories he could recall had remnants of her: a smile, her daunting laugh, the pain of her kicks, the scent of daylight that lingers around wherever she goes. She was there. In everything. Everywhere. In all the colors of the sun.

The heat from soccer practice. The gentle gale of spring. The moon in all its glory. She was there. The laughter echoing in the streets. A shadow in the playground. The starting thought before daybreak. A lingering memory before he succumbs to slumber. She was there.

In all his thoughts, every action, every smile, every laugh... they all led back to her. The fall of snow, the rain of petals, the crashing waves, the eternal saturated autumn sky.

There's a piece of her in everything.

When did it all change?

When did I start seeing you like this? When did I go so far beyond the boundary that I couldn't see that everything was blurring past all the colors of friends? When did I start missing the sound of your voice? When did I start staying in the illusion that I didn't see you more than a friend?

When did I...

This was the reality.

An undeniable truth he had always run away from. Choosing to cower behind the fragments of a past he had long swept out of his heart.

He was in love with her.

Karasu Tabito... was in love with [Name].

And he has been for a long time.

---

When Monday morning came in, Karasu showed up on her doorstep with his uniform thrown on his figure looking like a whirlwind passed him by on his way to her house.

He gave her his usual smirk, trying to bite at her ego from the way he stares at her. Condescending from an outsider’s words; lovesick from his.  

“Didja run twenty before comin’ here on somthin’?” She teased, fixing his crooked tie with a laugh.

Karasu stares at her face scrunched into concentration, his head buzzing from the drumming of his heart—reaching all the way to the tip of his fingers. He prayed to all the deities out there that she couldn’t hear the way his chest wanted to split open from the lingering warmth of her touch. Or that she couldn’t feel that his body was emitting more heat from her close proximity.

Did he do this on purpose? No.

But for once he thanked all the cells in his body for working late on a Monday morning because he gets to be at the receiving end of [Name]’s warm touches.

“Tabi-chan? Are ya listenin’?”

Karasu’s momentary reverie crumbled at the sound of her voice. [Name] eyes him with heavy concertation, tilting her head as she looks up at him, her hand no now holding to the strap of her bag.

“Sorry, what were you sayin’?” he whispers, his breath falling short and had his words tumbling like the wind, left for only his and the earth to hear.

[Name] paid no mind to his strange demeanor, shifting her weight from one foot to another and looked at anything but his searching gaze.

“I said I was sorry,” she purses her lips together, the words didn’t taste particularly unpleasant, but the reminder of their laughter still haunted her more than she’d like to admit. “Fer cuttin’ yer date short with ‘er, I mean.” She clarifies, shutting the door behind her as she steps a foot onto the front lawn, walking past Karasu who stood on her porch a moment longer than usual.

Karasu quickly pulled himself together and closed the distance she put between them in a few large strides, slyly taking her bag with her as he distracted her with conversation.

"'S nothin'. We had a talk while ye were dyin' in the bathroom," he muses, poking at her side to rile her up.

"Hey! I wasn't dyin'—" [Name] rose to protest, because she really wasn’t. She excused herself to the bathroom to spit out whatever the hell it was that she ate—"Their bread had raisins on them. Raisins. I hate raisins." She argues defensively, crossing her arms over her chest… entirely unaware that her bag was no longer in her hold.

"Could've given them to me," Karasu shrugs, leaning half his weight on her, a terrible habit he developed when they were nine years old and hasn’t grown out of ever since.

[Name] dragged her weight to her legs, trying to keep both him and her upright. She doesn’t wanna topple over the sidewalk... again. It’s happened too many times already, and with more than at least ten of their neighbors seeing.

"Not in front of yer Mona Lisa," [Name] sneers, pushing his ever-drawing face away.

"Puhlease, she's hardly a Mona Lisa." Karasu comments, voice mumbled by the nice-smelling hand that belonged to the girl next to him.

[Name] was not sure how to respond to that. The truth was that they left the café after they finished eating. But some might think, oh, isn’t that what you do though? Well, it was what she wanted to do. She planned that meet-up to end with Karasu and Marisa living happily ever after. But as she went to the bathroom, came back, and told Karasu that she had to go home because she wasn’t feeling well—he offered to walk her home. It was what a good friend does, really it was. But you don’t do that when the girl you like is standing right next to you!

Plus, they talked about that! [Name] told him that she was gonna make up some dumb excuse to get them alone. This was the dumb excuse! But he was being more of an idiot than the idiotic excuse leaving her lips.

In the end, they ended up bidding her farewell… with Karasu lying through his teeth that he was gonna come back—not that [Name] knew that considering she was far too busy glaring at him from the side.

"Marisa... has a boyfriend already,"

Karasu’s voice froze the gaping silence between them, his words flying into the blue skies, forever left to find their way to the land of acceptance Karasu has long since passed.

[Name] looked to him in shock, stumbling over her step before regaining her footing only to gawk at him again.

Is that true? Did Marisa really have a boyfriend? Since when? I never saw that on her socials. Did Karasu confess or something? Or was Marisa possessed by some sort of psychedelic mind reader?

[Name] would never know… and she reckons Karasu was never gonna talk about it either. She knows that look, when his eyes stare so far into the distance she begins to wonder if he was seeing a portal to another universe open before his eyes, let’s not talk about it.

"Oh... uhmm,” she starts; racking her brain for an appropriate response that wasn’t Hell yes! or Woo hoo! because that was not appropriate in the least. “That's rough buddy." She awkwardly pats his back, only this time, she had no melted, half-eaten popsicle to offer him. Only a heart, battered and bruised, covered in bandages and held together by a thread… that will only ever be his.

"Ya know, I thought I’d be more upset about it." Karasu looks to the heavens, oddly vocal of what he felt.

Maybe it was morning dew refracted by the early morning rays. Maybe it was autumn gale, ruffling the threads of his clothes. Maybe it was because of her—of [Name].

She looks at him with a raised brow, "And ya aren't?"

He smiles at her, one so gentle it could rival the clouds, replace the sun in warmth… dethrone Aphrodite from her position. “No,” he whispers, “No I’m not.”

He takes it all in, the image of her in this light. Karasu traces the contours of her face, the dust of roses powdered on the hills of her cheeks, the shine of a thousand galaxies in the pools of her irises.

Karasu was never one to believe in magic, or the supernatural… he couldn’t even consider himself an avid fan of the faerie folk.

But if somehow, somewhere—in this vast infiniteness, in the depths of the parallels, and the lullabies of the unknown—if there existed a figure for love, he was sure that it would be her.

"Maybe it's cuz I never liked her enough to begin with."

His confession slipped past his lips in a low murmur, faint enough that it could pass as a song of the fall, but she heard it. Always. Because what else could explain the reason that [Name] had suddenly started choking on her spit.

"Oi! Ya alright? Hey! [Name]! Don't die!" Karasu panics.

"Whaddaya mean ya don't like her?!” She screams, shoulders heaving from the sudden strain on her lungs. “What's all that work for then? Didya lie to me? Karasu Tabito—"

Her tone sent shivers crawling through his spine. "Woah,” he raises his arms in surrender. “Don't go drawin' the full name card on me [Name]." he tries to laugh it off, but the look in her unimpressed eyes told him that he needed to say something else.

"I did get somethin' out of yer hard work," he smiles.

"Which is?" [Name] nods in anticipation, leaning closer.

"Realizin' I don't like her anymore."

[Name] draws a deep breath, releasing it in an exaggerated huff of air, and without another word, continued to walk to school.

This was hopeless.

She walked in front of him. One, because she didn’t want to look at his face at the moment. And two, so that he won’t be a witness to her burning cheeks and her desperately suppressed smile. Yeah, no way in hell was she letting him see that!

"Told ya about it remember?" he calls from behind, a good four to five steps apart.

"I can barely remember what I ate yesterday, ya gotta be more specific."

Karasu stares at the back of her head, a view he’d seen for at least half his life already. "That day… by the seaside."

[Name] remained wordless; she remembers that vividly. Because how could she ever bring herself to forget.

The day that she…

"Ya have the memory of a goldfish," Karasu groans, every bit the telenovela star he was. "I told ya, getting’ love ain't everythin' in this world."

…began to like this guy.

"Oh." She whispers.

"Remember now?"

That memory had always been something she treasured, never an ephemeral wandering like a half-buried shell washed ashore.

[Name] looks to him from over her shoulder as she nods in confirmation. "What's that gotta do with this though?" She continues ever forward, eyes once more trailing to focus on the pavement before her.

Karasu’s answer got stuck in the tunnels of his throat, like his own brain was unsure of the reason why he brought it up in the first place. He just wanted to talk to her, to hear her voice echo for all eternity in the caves of his soul, even long after he’s left this world. "Losin' an ordinary girl ain't worth it to be upset over."

[Name]’s footsteps falters, the edge of her shoe getting caught by a crack appearing out of nowhere, much like her own traitorous heart, once again caught in the snares of his words. The words someone spoke to her long ago echoing in her head, you two are finally reaching the age of maturity. Finally—after so, so long—brave enough to let do of the things that weren’t meant to stay, and to be strong enough to accept those who were supposed to.

"Woah," this time, [Name] turned to face him with a skin-crawling grin, an all too familiar shape, he thinks.

"Who ever knew a day would come when Karasu Tabito calls his lifelong love an ordinary girl—"

"She wasn't a lifelong love!"

---

It took a long time for Karasu to gather the dust and form the courage to profess his love for [Name].

He was cocky, and overconfident, and rough and ragged around the edges, and disliked it when anything went wrong. Basically, he was his own enemy when it came to his own love life. Sure, people liked him enough to give him Valentine’s Day chocolates, but the issue lies in him, not his admirers. For the life of him, he could not be nice to anyone he saw as mundane or boring. He was an—in the nicest way possible—Karasu Tabito was an asshole. His smirk didn’t help his case one bit.

Oh, but how humbling an experience it is for him when she was the one standing before him. The great, I’m-gonna-make-you-see-yer-ordinary Karasu Tabito who stared down his opponents on field, was afraid to tell his best friend that he liked her.

That’s why he had dragged his feelings by the collar all the way to their second year of high school. His sister had more than a few not so nice things to say about him when she hears that up until now, he was still shaking in his elementary-school-boy shorts.

But could they blame him? Yeah, they really could. Even his parents looked at him weird when he always offered to wash the dishes at night because it gave him the excuse to see [Name] from the comfort of her living room.

Still, here he was—beating around the bush with the girl he likes.

But could they really blame him? This was [Name]! The one who could brawl in a gang fight barehanded and win. [Name] who had the nicest laugh and the warmest touch. It was [Name] whom he liked… [Name] who was dyed in all the colors of the sun.

And he was scared to lose her.

Karasu didn’t want to mess this up because not only will he lose her as a lover, he’d also be left to live in a word where he was no longer her best friend.

What if he did confess and she turns him down?

What then?

In his eyes, compared to her—[Name] who was everything in his world—to [Name] who had the nicest smile, and the happiest laugh, Karasu felt mundane in all the aspects of his life.

So sometimes, when his own emotions overwhelm him as he gets so lost just thinking about her in the silence of the night, he tells himself that maybe, it was fine like this.

Tabito and [Name]; [Name] and tabito. Best friends.

Maybe, he should just shut them in, keep it all inside and wait for it to go away, pray for it to go away. He was having loads of fun already. They were together all the time. Maybe... just maybe... it's fine like this. Maybe staying as childhood friends—as best friends forever—isn't so bad.

"Why're ya dressed like an old man?" [Name] raised a brow at him, lips twitching as she fought tooth and nail to swallow her laugh. Her eyes analyze his get up from head to toe, taking in his fake white beard down to his green yukata and his grey haori, and the geta on his feet that echoed with every exaggerated step; wooden footwear she saw inside her grandpa's shoe cabinet. He was hunched over like a shrimp, with a cane to support his weight.

"'S for the class!" he replies with enthusiasm, stroking his fake white beard like some wise old monk.

"Ya look like a senile old man." [Name] snorts, her restraint shattering at the angry look on his face as her laugh resonates in the crowded hallway. She adjusts her grip on the box of props, shoulders shaking from the little giggles that seeped from her lips.

Karasu cracked an eye open to glare at her, and with an added pizzazz, rose in hand to counter—more like agree—with her. "I am a senile old man!"

[Name] laughed harder, the box rattling like the happiness that rippled the once serene calmness of her soul. "Ya sound just like gramps!" She breathes, wiping her eye on the cloth of her shoulder.

Karasu grumbles in defeat, knowing he couldn't win against [Name] and her oh-so-creative teasing.

He dropped the act and adjusted his posture to stand to his full height, ultimately noting that [Name] had stopped laughing once she realizes that in height, Karasu would always have the last laugh. Or in this case, a triumphant smirk on his face as he eyes her from above, not even craning his head.

She squints her eyes at him. “Damn evolution,” she mutters under her breath and made sure her voice was loud and clear as she finishes her sentence with— “Since when did idiots grow to be so tall?!”

[Name] hmphed, turning her head to look away and sidestepped to get past himto move onward to her destination, but before she could, Karasu shifted to block her path.

"What is it now—" The words got lodged in the tunnels of her throat as the weight of the box she’s been carrying since the school gate suddenly disappeared from her arms.

She looked at him, startled to find him looking at anywhere but her. The autumn daylight made the crimson on his cheeks all the more prominent.

Karasu couldn’t bring himself to believe that he could ever be happy with being just her friend. He reckons he never will. It would kill him not to love her beyond all this. If there ever existed a universe where he was contented with that—he was damn sure it would not be this one.

Because he as much as he was cocky, and overconfident, and an asshole. Karasu was greedy. And he was selfish. And painfully stubborn.

"Just helpin' the pretty girl lift the heavy boxes."

[Name]’s face erupted into a thousand shades of red, but this time, she had nothing to use to hide it from him. He caught her by surprise. A dirty trick. Ambushed her to this—this… vulnerable position. She could feel like fire spread through her veins like lava, setting all in its wake into a melting heat, burning at the thorns of her restraint, drowning the caves of her hesitance to a resounding calm, and lighting the heavens of her soul into all the colors of the sun.

She hated this. Stupid Tabito. Before she could contain herself, her embarrassment took reign of her actions, her knee jerks up, landing a solid kick to the back of his thighs.

"Ow!" He yelps, did Karasu ever mention that her kicks were heavy? Well they were. The force of her assault had him fumbling over his own steps, but he could not stop the growing smile on his face.

"Get goin' old man!" she snaps, crossing her arms and glaring at all the things around them. She was flustered. Her body couldn’t decide if she liked it or hated it. Why does he find the need to say that? Why does Karasu have to be so—so… embarrassing?

[Name] buries her face in the palm of her hands, as if her own flaming limb could help cool the raging inferno on her face. Her mind replays his words like a broken record. Pretty girl. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Did he even mean that? Probably. That stupid crow always pushed her so far, teased her to no end. So, what was the difference this time?

Karasu laughs, a sound so cool and warm, the sting from his best friend’s kick fading to a dull echo. His gaze made from the softest threads, one so intertwined with the melody of affection, blanketed with the warmest colors.

…Maybe it’s because this time around, he actually means it.

And this time, he wasn’t afraid to say it to her.

This one will probably come around to bite him back, but he would take it. Anything the world throws at him—he would take it. Because he wouldn’t allow himself to see another sun if [Name] didn’t go to sleep not knowing that she’s pretty.

---

The day of the school's culture festival rolled around.

For the past three weeks, their class united on the single idea of setting up a little café. By some miracle, they actually pulled it off quite well, despite battling the initial deadline, heavily handicapped at the loss of their two athletes. Between Karasu’s rigorous training schedule and [Name]’s tyrant of a coach monopolizing every spare second of her time for practice, there was no way they were ever going to contribute much beyond the bare minimum.

But [Name] did not want to be dead weight.

She volunteered to carry the boxes containing the ingredients and decorations, carrying them across campus like a one-woman moving company. While Karasu was left with no other option but to dress up like an old man inviting people to come and buy—he would probably garner more attention if he stayed just the way he is, but with his sharp tongue and domineering stare, he would just scare all their customers away (not like a beard and a yukata could hold his words back).

By the time the sun had reached the middle of the sky, they already looked like they wanted to go home—both completely floored from the physical work.

[Name] sat crisscross apple sauce outside the classroom, her back against the wall, and Karasu plopped down beside her, stretching his legs out with a groan—no respect for anyone walking by, his legs were nearly occupying a quarter of the hallway!

Their lunches were as mismatched as their personalities: [Name] poked at the pasta littered with raisins while Karasu grimaced at the sight of mushrooms contaminating his bento.

He knew he should be thankful to his sister who had oh-so-kindly offered to make them lunch seeing as she was on break from college, but Tabito has already told her like a million times! He doesn’t like mushrooms, [Name] does. And [Name] didn’t like raisins, he did!

Without a word, he begins plucking the raisins out of her food like they were newly ripe fruits ready to sell, dumping them on the lid of his bento. In honor of distributive justice, he traded in all the mushrooms he had on his lunch to hers.

"Yer actin' weird," she mutters through a mouthful of pasta, eyeing him from where she sat.

"Whatcha talkin' 'bout, I've always been this kind." He retorts, smiling to convey his sincerity as he places a hand over his heart like it could vouch for his claims.

"Kind-a suspicious ya mean!" [Name] squints at him, pointing a stick of bread at his face. "Just say whatcha wanna say already!"

"Yer ovethinkin' it! i'm always like this!" he defended, not bothering to hide the way he eyes [Name]’s stick of bread.

If he were to just…

"Hey, Tabi-chan...” her call drew the curtains close to his evil scheme. “What would you do if I got a boyfriend?"

Her question silenced the chaos in his head, pulling apart at all the worlds he built until everything came to a standstill. Until he was surrounded by the never-ending nothingness that came with the weight of her question. Heavier than all the stars, so it seems. Why was she saying this? Why now? Why does it have to be now? Now that he was finally—

But she didn’t wait for an answer. Maybe he was perturbed by his silence, mistaking it for agreement. Yet the truth was that she just caught him off guard.

Like [Name]… he didn’t hold all the answers in the world.

"I probably wouldn't, huh?" she laughs, smiling despite the obvious squeeze in her throat. A jest, in the kindest words; hurt, in the worst. "No one's ever gonna want a brute like me."

That's not true, Karasu wanted to protest. What she spoke of couldn't have been farther from the truth.

He didn’t want her to think like that—she just couldn’t. She was someone who deserved the love she wanted to have… more than anyone else. And he wanted to say that to her. He wanted to tell her desperately that there was someone who loved her—hell, so many people loved her.

Every day, he raced against so many people for her affection, for a chance to feel what it’s like to be loved by someone like her.

"There's gotta be someone out there, right?" he offers. Or right here... if you can only look at me. "Someone who'll love you… just fer who ya are."

"Ya really believe in that?" she asked, laughing again, but this time it sounded more like an escape. She wraps the furoshiki on the bento box, her hands moving far too quickly that Karasu knew she was doing it just so she wouldn’t have to look at him.

But that didn’t matter. She could turn a blind eye to him today. He would wait. Ignore his attempts tomorrow—he would still wait. Stay oblivious to it for the next five years? Then he’ll just have to step up his game.

"I know it."

There was something about the way he said it, shacked by all the chains of his beliefs, as thought there could exists no surer thing that what he knew right at this very moment.

It took her by surprise, stole all the breath reserved in her lungs that she forgot that she needed to breathe to see the next day.

“Ya don’t even need to wish fer that,” he adds, voice steadied by the foundation of his own experiences. “They come naturally,” he continues.

In all the forms you can think of. A piece of paper with the things about yer crush. A soccer ball. The kicking pad almost takin’ yer head off. Or a melting, half-eaten popsicle on a summer day.

“Sometimes… ya never realize ya had them all along.”

[Name] formed her courage from the dust, turning to look at him, despite every pull of gravity telling her not to.

He was never gonna make forgetting him easy, was he? Perhaps he never wanted her to forget. Because how could she when Karasu says all these things that made her heart want to run out of her own chest? When he says all these that it leads her back to her planet-sized crush on him. How was she supposed to get away from him now? How was she supposed to move on? How was she going to ever fully deny that she didn't like him anymore when everything, in everywhere... all the roads lead straight back to him?

“And ya don’t need to wish for him to love you…”

Karasu smiles at her, one so different from all the others he ever gave her. Dyed in all the colors of gratitude, blessed by the heavens, shaded in all the colors of the sun.

“Because he already does.”

---

"Why'd we hafta go, Tabi-chan?" [Name] whines, tired from all the walking they had been doing for the last thirty minutes, now tired from all the hiking—seriously, who hikes in the evening?

"Whaddaya mean why?” Karasu shot back, raising a questioning brow at her complain. “We always go every year! And don't act like ya don't like it when yer all dressed up." he points to her yukata, dyed in the shade of violets, decorated with the flowing river in the form of cranes. Karasu had to leash his head and make a conscious effort not to look too much lest he risk getting reported for being a creep.

"Only cuz Ma made me,” she admits, tugging slightly at her obi. “Always naggin' 'bout actin' like a girl and lookin' like a girl as if I ain't a girl." She huffs, the corners of her lips weaving to a scowl.

Karasu tilted his head in fond gentleness. “You look beautiful,” he whispers, the sentiment flowing past his lips like the gentle spring breeze. “Yer always beautiful.”

His words crashed against her like a tidal wave: caressing the soles of her feet, drawing back, before coming at her all at once—with little to no warning at all.

[Name] tilts her head to the side to look at him, smiling at him with all the happiness in the universe. “Ya don't look to shabby yerself, Tabito."

Before he could fire back, Karasu caught a glimpse of sparks tracing the obsidian sky, rising to reach the heavens for it to fracture into a thousand colorful fire, dyeing the obsidian canvas with all the colors of man.

Yet he already saw something far more grandeur than those when he looked into the pools of her eyes—reflecting all the stardust and galaxies, as if everything existed just so they could dim when compared to her, like it all came to being, just so they could fall short when she breathes.

"They're so pretty..." she whispers in awe, smiling at the sight of the transient lights.

"Yeah," he hums mindlessly, but his eyes never left hers. You are beautiful.

"I like you, [Name]." Karasu’s words silenced the chaos of the world, as if everything spiralled into nothingness to create a space only the two of them shared.

[Name] stares at him in bewilderment, her lips parted slightly, not knowing what to say.

"Don't look so surprised,” Karasu berates her with a crooked grin. “Whatcha expect? I'm only human, ya know. Ain't immune to yer charms."

"Tabito what the hell—"

Her vision burst forth into multitudes of colors at the sight of him, red-faced, flustered beyond her wildest imagination, eyes that shone with all the bravery and strength in the world, still his voice is riddled with a careful gentleness—like if he spoke any louder, this ephemeral space would crumble and he’d find himself back to reality. But his words would resound in the depths and skies of her soul for all the eternities to come, until all the stars are nothing but a dream. Until the earth is painted with all the colors of the sun.

"I'm in love with you," he confesses, his hand reaching for hers. Shaking from his nerves, determined in his affection.

His eyes searched hers for traces of disdain, any hints that she didn’t want this. Karasu dug through the colors of her face for anything—anything that told him to go away, to never show his face to her ever again.

"And I have been for a long time."

His touch lingered, hesitant to take another step forward.

"I know I'm nothin' much.” He admits, pained at the thought of his own imperfections. “I get jealous easily, and I can't be nice to mediocre people. I can't swim, and I'm afraid of water. I'm prolly the last person ya'd ever want to love ya but..." he falters, his breaths coming in short intakes as he scavenged the lands of his soul for the right words to say—for the courage he had stacked upon one another.

“I don’t—” His voice cracks, holding her hand tightly as if her touch could piece back his crumbing confidence. “I want ya to be happy. God knows that I do. But I don't want to lose ya to anyone else.” But it seems like her warmth could not hold together his voice that shattered from the weight. “I’m selfish. And I’m greedy. If you still have space in yer heart for a little bit more of me, even if the odds are one to a million... then I'd want to have it.”

I'd risk everything to have it.

Karasu looked at her again, mapping the face of the one he loves, breathing heavily until he found the words he always wanted to say. "Yer beautiful. Yer smart, and strong. Anyone would be lucky to have ya love 'em."

He smiled weakly, voice softening to melt into the silence of the night.

"And... I'm just an ordinary guy, standin' in front of the most amazing girl... askin’ her to love him."

He could wait a thousand more years if she told him to. Capture every star in the sky if it makes her happy. Karasu would move the universe for her, and she will only ever need to ask.

He would color the world to her liking if she tells him too.

“Yer an idiot are’ntcha?”

Karasu raised his head to meet the sound of her voice. God, she was so beautiful.

“I guess I am,” he laughs.

“Good on ya that I like idiots.” She tightens her hold on his hand, smiling at him for all that he did and more.

Because people can’t love you exactly the way you want them to. You just have to let them try to do their best.

I think I got sidetracked halfway tbh 💀this is my first time writing a non-tragedy paleontological distaster-ending fic also my first time writing for karasu because he wouldn't leave me alone 😭 I can't believe I managed to give birth to a fic in under four??? yeah four days. I think I began liking this guy like five days ago for some unknown reason 💀 anyway, my requests are still open, and ya can read my other works here! thanks fer readin' 😁❤

[readychilledwine]

can we have rhysand with an emotional reader again? maybe meetings made her feel unsupported

A Heavy Burden

Summary - After a long day of tense negotiations, Rhysand finds his wife wondering if this all was worth it.

Warnings - mental health, implied misunderstanding and communication, implied Azriel was illiterate fan theory, slight misogynistic thing when you consider the places reader was dealing with

A/n - Slowly but surely, you all are about to see the mass amount of things I have queued from old and new requests. All almost 48 and counting of them 🫠 2025 goals include getting better at getting to what is sent to me faster, along with finding a better system for requests so I'm maybe only working with 5 at a time instead of pressuring myself to put out requests instantly.

✨️Rhysand Masterlist✨️Master Masterlist✨️

The clanging of your crown in the marbled floor was the first thing that caught Rhysand's attention. The second was you sitting on the balcony in your dress, in the middle of a cold night, just being still. Today had been, for a lack of better terms, a nightmare. 

Your proposal for remodeling the Illyrian camps had been met with conflict and comments regarding if you truly had power.

Your proposal for creating a shelter system for females and children in Hewn City was met with questions of your status and abilities.

Your family dinner at home hadn't even been safe from remarks from the Inner Circle that he knew had you questioning how they saw you.

He shouldn't have been surprised by you doing this by tossing the symbol of your power aside like it was nothing. Your ideas were frequently met with debate, tension, and sometimes, his advisors screaming like children at each other. As a test, you once had him present the idea you had for it. It had been met with excitment until the passing of the paprrs was signed and stamped by you.

You had a habit of smiling in the face of adversity. Taking a gentle approach instead of using the authority he had given you. You had become the kindness to his image of cruelty. A match many felt was odd but truly made by the Cauldron for balance. You shouldered it all well, but even you, his strong wife, had a breaking point. 

Rhys moved with near silence to you, lowering himself behind you and knowing it was serious this time when you didn't make a joke over his knees popping. “Talk to me,” he murmured as he pulled you to him, wings appearing to wrap around you as if they were a shield.

You only sighed, chin resting on your knees, “I feel insufficient. I feel like no one believes in me. I feel like I'm just here as a glorified placeholder.”

Rhysand hummed, kissing the skin of your bare shoulder, “What about today do you feel made you feel that way?”

“How everything I purposed for the two areas begging the most for change was met. Illyria acknowledges that the camps are rundown. I purpose a cycle of upgrades, funded by us, by the way, that would allow the camps to be safer, warmer, and have more resources. I am told I don't understand Illyrians and what the camps need despite my plans being based on the needs given to Cassian and I.”

You took a breath, eyes shutting to relax and fight tears before continuing. “When we then spend the second portion of our day in Hewn City. I am addressing the so-called concern for female and children resources. It is meant with your uncle screaming at a more forward moving male that I'm powerless. I have no clue what females need, which is odd since I am one. Then, lastly, my proposals do not matter.”

Rhys nodded, nose buried in your hair to calm himself at the memory of everything, “Then we come home and instead of being met with support-”

“Our family tells me I need to take my heart out of things and start acting like a ruthless High Lord and stop offering mercy. That that is the only way fae will ever actually respect me."

“Thus attacking your character when you were already in a fragile state and needing support instead of, well, we will call it constructive criticism, though, I know it did not feel that way.” His voice was soft in your ear, offering that comfort you had been seeking.  “And, y/n, your heart does not need to be taken out of the conversation. Your heart is why I pursued you. It's why we are married. Why I didn't care a mating bond had landed into place yet. Your heart chose me. It is precious to me. It belongs in the decisions we, as High Lord and Lady, make.”

Another soft kiss was placed on your shoulder. Then the nape of your neck, pressing in  as if he could make every nerve in your body calm down with just the strength of his love. “I will handle Azriel and Amren,” he assured you. “Though, I do suspect Azriel realized his comment came across much harsher than intended.”

You couldn't help but roll your eyes, “He's 538 years old. He's been with you all and consistently speaking and socializing for over 525 years. He shouldn't continue to be coddled for his childhood illiteracy and lack of social understanding, especially when we hold a barely 21 year old Feyre to higher standards.”

You felt his shift, the deep sigh as his forehead touched the back of your neck, “He doesn't mean to be harsh with you. Please consider what he does for a living, who he is normally dealing with.”

You nodded, “But he also needs to consider time and place then.”

“He knows, trust me.” You did chuckle at that, knowing your husband was more than likely being yelled at for access to you. His calloused hand moved into the dip of your dress, stopping once it rested over your heartbeat. “This is the most beautiful thing in my world. The most important thing.” He subconsciously synced his breathing to yours, only content once the two of you were in harmony. “I know a heart can be a heavy burden, darling. I know it seems easier to shut it out right now. I know it feels like you should become more cold. I know you're hurting.”

The tears began then. Your thumb moving to wipe them away, “I just feel wearing my heart on my sleeve is counterproductive to what the Court needs-”

“The court needs more of it, actually,” he immediately stopped you, knowing where this was going. “The court as a whole needs more care and heart, Y/n. Change begins when one person cares enough to push for it, and even the smallest stone will make ripples. You have inspired me to take better control of Illyria and Hewn City. You have inspired countless in Velaris to work to help the Court's lower income families. You have inspired my heart, my darling.”

He pulled you impossibly closer, “Be glad of your big heart, y/n. Pity those who don't feel anything at all." One last soft kiss touched the back of your neck. “Come bathe with me. Let's wash today away.”

The idea had your body already relaxing as he stood, knees popping again. “Old ass male.” And there it was. A sign of you. A sign you would be okay. A sign you would fight.

“Cruel little thing,” he purred back. “Mocking my war injuries.” He pulled you up before a tendril of darkness and starlight handed him your crown. “Put this back on. You dropped it.”

[bread-crum206]

A Game of Hearts

Chapter thirteen: Behind Closed Doors

Summary: Y/N’s father is a VIP for the games, he makes a deal with the Frontman that if he marries his only daughter that he will continue to sponsor the games. However, Y/N is not fond of this decision as she loathes the games and in turn, loathes the Frontman as well. Will she grow to love him? Will he let his walls down?

Pt 1 Pt 2 Pt 3 Pt 4 Pt 5 Pt 6 Pt 7 Pt 8 Pt 9 Pt 10 Pt 11 Pt 12 Pt 13 Pt 14

The air in your quarters felt heavy, like it was thick with all the things left unsaid between you and In-ho. You had made it back, both of you, after the third game—Hide and Seek—which had shaken you to your core. It wasn’t just the brutality of the dogs, or the way the VIPs had reacted, that was eating away at you. It was the way In-ho had stood next to you, so calm and yet so distant, as if he was carrying all of it on his own.

As soon as the door clicked shut behind you, the weight of everything that had happened in the VIP room seemed to settle in. You could still hear the echoes of the last screams from the arena, muffled now, but it didn’t make it any easier. You swallowed hard, trying to shake off the feeling of dread that had lodged itself in your chest.

In-ho stood just inside the doorway, his figure outlined by the dim light. Even though he had his mask on, you could feel the tension radiating off him. The usual wall of indifference was still there, but it wasn’t as strong tonight. You saw cracks. Tiny cracks, but enough to make you wonder what he was really feeling under that controlled surface.

For a long moment, neither of you said anything. The silence between you was suffocating, thick with the unspoken words you both avoided.

Finally, he broke the silence.

“You okay?” His voice was steady, like he was trying to keep his composure. But there was an edge to it, a hint of something deeper.

You turned to face him, your gaze lingering on the mask, the one thing that still stood between you and him. You wanted to tell him how you felt—the anxiety, the fear, the frustration—but you didn’t know how to put it into words. The weight of the situation, the fear of what was coming next—it was too much.

“No,” you answered quietly, your voice barely above a whisper. “I’m not okay.”

In-ho didn’t move. He just stood there, watching you. His body was stiff, his arms crossed over his chest as if he were trying to protect something—something you weren’t sure he was ready to show. You could feel the tension in him, like he was holding back, like he didn’t want to let you in too far.

“You don’t have to be strong all the time, you know,” you said, taking a step closer. “It’s okay to not be okay.”

He flinched, just slightly, but you saw it. His gaze flickered away, like he was fighting with himself.

“I don’t have a choice, Y/N,” he said, his voice low, controlled. “If I show weakness, if I let them see it… they’ll use it. You’ll be at risk. And I won’t let that happen.”

You wanted to argue with him, to tell him that you weren’t some fragile thing that needed protecting. But you knew he wouldn’t hear you. The way he saw it, his responsibility was to keep you safe, no matter what it cost him. And it hurt you more than you wanted to admit.

“You’re at risk too, In-ho,” you said softly. “This isn’t just about me. It’s about you, too. And I can see how hard this is for you. I see the weight you’re carrying. I’m not blind to it.”

He didn’t answer right away. Instead, he moved toward the window, his back to you, his posture tense. You knew he wasn’t trying to push you away—at least, not completely. But his walls were up. High. Impossibly high. And he wasn’t ready to let you in.

“I’m doing this for you,” he said quietly, his voice almost lost in the distance. “I can’t afford to show them that I’m… struggling. That I can’t handle this. I can’t afford to lose you, Y/N.”

You watched him, your heart aching at the weight of his words. He was trying so hard to keep it together, but you could see how much it was costing him. The stress. The pressure. And the part that was tearing you apart—the way he kept trying to carry it all on his own.

“You don’t have to protect me from this, In-ho,” you said, your voice gentle but firm. “I know what we’re in. I see it. But you don’t have to go through it alone. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

There was a long silence, and you could feel the walls he had built around himself pushing you away. He was still standing with his back to you, and the mask was on, keeping everything hidden.

“I’m not the one who needs protecting,” he said quietly, almost as if to himself. “You don’t understand. If I show them any weakness, it’ll end everything. This game. This place. You. I won’t let that happen.”

You took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself. He wasn’t ready to let you in. Not yet. Maybe not ever. But you didn’t know how to walk away from him now.

“I don’t need you to be perfect,” you said, your voice low, but full of conviction. “I just need you to be here. With me. You don’t have to keep pretending you’re okay when you’re not. It’s okay not to have it all figured out.”

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, In-ho turned around. But his eyes were still hidden behind the mask. His gaze was steady, but there was something in his posture that told you he was exhausted. Not physically—he was always in control, always sharp. But emotionally? He was barely holding it together. You could feel it, like a pressure in the air.

“I’m not going to let them hurt you,” he said, his voice raw, but still controlled. He stepped closer to you, his hand reaching up to rest lightly on your shoulder. “I can’t promise everything will be okay, but I’ll keep you safe. Always.”

You closed your eyes for a moment, letting the words settle inside you. You wanted to believe him. You wanted to trust that everything would be okay. But the truth was, you didn’t know. No one did.

“You don’t have to do it alone,” you whispered, taking his hand in yours. “We’ll get through this together. Whatever happens with the next game… we’ll face it. Together.”

In-ho didn’t say anything. But the way his hand tightened around yours, even just a little, told you more than words ever could.

He wasn’t ready to let his walls fall. Not completely.

The fourth game was coming. But maybe, just maybe, you wouldn’t face it alone. Not anymore.

———————

Chapter thirteen!! Yay! Sorry about the late post, I got swamped with EMT work lol

Tag list:

@sunny21200

@lucinda-reads

@shakysif

@whoisbriannaa

@allmylovegoestomusic

@swthrtbyeol

@strawberrychita

@hoddystark

@livelaughcelica

@foulbreadpaenut

@write-from-the-heart

@angelofthorr

@sylviavf

@missroro

@siloveyourmoms

@luv1ze

@audrey223

@khaylin27

@gay4hotmilfs

@mimis-u3u

@captainlunaxmen

@cdej6

@ritaaaz07

@chateaumarmontt

@eepgirls

@ushouldhmhas

@fedstv

@dahliawarner

@fyodorssimp1

@nanamilkbread

@eveie24

@jackbootedfucks

@maiznamai

@r3va-dwme

@queenjang21

@kyohiru

@bibliophile-yomna

@rylin0987654321

@aubs444

@isuejehejehe

@nellabear

@cassielovw

@lowkeyhottho

@yxluana

@riri53

@enhasrii

@dumbfishes

@jeonmochi99-blog

[crushpunky]

rafe stands up for kook!reader

masterlist | kook!reader masterlist

based on this ask, but the context is a bit different. warning for creepy dude + language

Y/n’s phone had been buzzing all day and it was about to drive Rafe up a wall. The two of them had planned on spending the day inside, watching a movie curled up on the couch in Taneyhill with snacks, but he was having a hard time relaxing with the incessant ringing of y/n’s phone. His arm was flung on the back of the couch, his fingers mindlessly toying with y/n’s hair, but flinching with anger each time their peaceful bubble was interrupted.

“I’m about to chuck your phone across the room.” Rafe said, his eyes wide as he looked down at y/n. Y/n groaned, rolling her eyes as she sat up to check her phone once again. She scrolled through the chain of texts, each one more bothersome than the last. Regardless of how many times she blocked him or told him to leave her alone, she couldn’t get rid of him… Luke.

The two of them had gone on a date a few weeks ago at a burger joint downtown. The date itself had been fine, the two of them getting along well enough, but took a turn when it was time for her to leave. She’d driven herself and Luke had been kind enough to walk her out to her car. With a smile, he’d leaned in for a kiss on the lips, but she’d quickly turned her cheek, his lips landing square on her cheek. He tried again, y/n swerving nervously out of the way and sending him a quick goodbye before rushing to get into her car. Luckily, that’d been the end of the situation… or so she’d thought. Ever since that night, he’d been texting, calling, and messaging her nonstop, simultaneously calling her a ‘prude’ and a ‘slut’, begging for another date then telling her how nobody would ever want to date her.

“What is it?” Rafe asked, trying to peer over y/n’s shoulder once he noticed her anxious expression. She quickly yanked her phone away from him before shoving it back into her pocket. Rafe scowled, eyeing her suspiciously before turning back to the movie. It was barely a second before y/n’s phone went off again.

“Ok, that’s it.” Rafe shouted, grabbing for y/n’s phone. He beat her, but only slightly, her hand clamping over his as he dug in her pocket for her phone.

“It’s nothing, leave it!” Y/n groaned, her fingers trying to pry her phone out of Rafe’s hands but failing. He took it, using his other hand to keep her flailing arms and squealing away as he looked into what was causing all the fuss.

“Rafe, seriously! Stop—” y/n fought, trying to grab the phone from him, which only resulted in him pulling it further from her.

“W– What the fuck is this?” Rafe said lowly, his hands practically trembling with anger as he continued to scroll through the essentially endless string of texts, Snapchats, Instagram and Tik Tok messages, voicemails, fucking emails…

“It’s just this guy, it’s fine—” Y/n sighed, sinking back into the couch next to Rafe in defeat.

“The asshole from, like, last month?” Rafe scoffed, his jaw clenched at the memory. She’d told him about the awkward ending to the date, and how the guy was maybe a little weird, but she had decidedly neglected to tell him about anything since…

“I— He—” Y/n groaned, trying one last time to take the phone from Rafe. “Yes.”

“Why the fuck did you not tell me?” Rafe spat, his eyes filled with anger and mouth agape as he looked at y/n. She took in a shaking breath, fiddling with her hands as she tried to avoid Rafe’s intense gaze.

“Because it wasn’t a big deal—” y/n said.

“Not a big deal?” Rafe said, his voice rising. “Not a big deal? This guys fuckin’ crazy! You saw the shit he was saying!”

“See, this is why I didn’t tell you because I knew you were going to freak the fuck out—” y/n snapped.

“Yeah I’m freaking out!” Rafe stood, his grip still tight on her phone. “You’ve had some psycho fuckin’ stalking you, saying insane shit, and you didn’t tell me!”

“I can take care of myself, Rafe! I don’t need you taking care of me!” Y/n shouted, her tone adamant.

“Well too fuckin’ bad because I have to take care of you!” Rafe snapped, his chest heaving with anger. “I have to because I fuckin’ care about you.”

Y/n bottom lip trembled, an overwhelming mix of anger and fear and worry coursing through her as she looked up at Rafe. The stress of the harassment had been weighing on her, gnawing at her insides no matter how hard she tried to ignore it. Rafe had noticed, of course he had, and now she was terrified of what would happen next… despite this, however, she couldn’t lie and say it didn’t feel good to finally let it off her chest. To finally let someone else in on all the turmoil that had been plaguing her since the fateful night she agreed to go on that date.

“Rafe—” y/n whispered, but was quickly interrupted when her phone began to ring. Their gazes locked for a moment, both of their eyes wide before both shifting to look at her ringing phone. Rafe quickly swiped a finger of his tense hand, answering the phone on speaker.

“Finally you’ve gotten some sense knocked into you—” Luke’s voice rang through the phone, causing a chill to run down y/n’s spine and anger to course through Rafe’s.

“Hey, motherfucker.” Rafe growled into the speaker.

“Uh, h– hello? Who is this?” Luke stammered. Y/n felt her heart hammering in her chest as she watched Rafe practically trembling with fury.

“Who the fuck do you think it is, asshole?” Rafe snapped. The two of them could hear the staticed silence and uncomfortable shifting on Luke’s end as it echoed through the room.

“Um… hello Rafe.” Luke said, his voice barely a whisper. Rafe chuckled, running a ringed hand down his face.

“Oh, so you do know who I am.” Rafe said, a cheeky grin on his lips. Y/n gnawed at her lip, her breathing shallow as she watched the tense situation unfolding in front of her.

“Yes I—” Luke stuttered, the air of confidence and authority he seemed to have in his previous incessant messages vanished

“So you do know what the fuck I’ll do to you if you ever try and talk to her or even look at her again?” Rafe said firmly, his grip on her phone nearly crushing.

“I wasn’t— I was just—” Luke scrambled.

“I don’t give a fuck what you ‘was’ or ‘wasn’t’ trying to do, a’ight asshole?” Rafe snapped, his free hand pointing sharply to the phone in front of him. “If you talk to her, if you look at her, if you try anything…”

Rafe trailed off, shaking his head as he looked over at y/n. As much as she tried to hide it, the toll the harassment was having on her was apparent and he cursed himself for not noticing sooner. Seeing her like this, riddled with fear at the mere sound of the creep's voice sent a new wave of anger through him as he turned back to the phone.

“... I’ll fucking kill you.” Rafe said, his voice barely more than a whisper. The room hung in a sort of stunned silence, not even the static of the speaker phone registering in y/n’s ears as Rafe’s threat— no, promise— echoed in her mind.

“Do you understand me?” Rafe growled.

“Yes.” Luke muttered. A wicked grin spread across Rafe’s lips as he nodded with satisfaction. Y/n felt a weight lift off her shoulders, her heart finally beginning to settle at the guarantee that the terror that had been following her for the past month was finally over.

“Alright, that’s good.” Rafe chuckled. “Just, just one more small thing before you go, buddy.”

“Ok.” Luke whispered. At his response, Rafe took a step towards y/n, resting his arm around her shoulders as he pulled her into his side.

“I want you to apologize.” Rafe shrugged, lowering the phone to rest in front of y/n.

“T– to who?” Luke stammered. Rafe curled his lip, moving to raise the phone back to his lips but was stopped by y/n’s firm grip on his arm.

“Who the fuck do you think?” Y/n said sternly. Rafe found himself smirking as he peered down at her proudly.

“Y/n, I, um, I didn’t know you were there…” Luke scrambled.

“Do you have something to say to me?” Y/n said, propping her hands onto her waist with an exaggerated sigh.

“I’m… I’m sorry for… for, uh—” Luke muttered.

“For harassing me? For stalking me? For not taking no for an answer? For being a fucking creepy asshole?” Y/n snapped, her brow furrowed in aggravation.

“Y– yes.” Luke sighed. “I… I’m sorry.”

“And it won’t happen again, right Luke?” Rafe added, raising his brows as he awaited Luke’s response.

“No. It won’t.” Luke whispered.

“Good. I think that settles things then, right, girl?” Rafe said, looking down at y/n. A relieved smile spread across her lips as she looked back at him, his arm moving to wrap around her waist lightly.

“Yeah.” Y/n grinned, Rafe mirroring her satisfaction as he turned his attention back to her phone in his hand.

“Alright, bye asshole. Don’t think about trying to reach out… or you know what will happen.” Rafe said before hanging up y/n’s phone. Y/n let out a sigh of relief, relaxing into Rafe’s hold as he sat her phone down on the couch. His other arm wrapped around her, pulling her into him for a hug.

“Thank you.” Y/n said into Rafe’s chest, the vibration causing Rafe’s smile to only widen.

“I’m not gonna let anything happen to you, a’ight? I can’t.” Rafe said, squeezing y/n lightly before the two of them finally stepped apart.

“Thank you.” Y/n repeated, causing Rafe to roll his eyes, his arm resting on her waist.

“Enough… it’s basically my job to make sure you’re ok.” Rafe grumbled, causing y/n to elbow him in his ribs playfully.

“More like your life’s purpose.” Y/n teased. Rafe chuckled, a smirk dancing across his lips.

“Exactly.” Rafe smiled, pressing a quick kiss to the top of y/n’s head. “Exactly.”

[rheitais]

Dc x Dp Fallen Moons

I know the whole danny & damian twin au is kinda over used. So I raise you this. Dan(Dante) and Danny are twins and deaged, stuck in gotham but they manage to befriend Damian and Jon.

I really don't want the twins to get adopted by bruce (even if he tries too). Give them to a rogue or something (tell me who would be a good parent to these chaotic kids) and let it snow ball from there. Imagine how much chaos that would bring. They are Eldritch twins, pretty much pulling the shining moments to scare their teachers. Cue Dick or Bruce picking Damian from school and having the uncanny "something is very much off about them" Fentons trying to introduce themselves and they do it in sync. The uncanny vibes were not on purpose but the in sync was.

I feel like their creep-ish nature should be studied. During lunch one of the other rogues attacks the school. Power was cut off. Damian, Jon and the twins are stuck in the dark but Damian realizes it's not completely dark. No, it wasn't completely dark because the twins way too blue eyes are glowing in the dark. Or when Damian and Jon aren't looking (they are slightly taller than Damian and jon) if a bully is trying to bully them, they would stand perfectly still behind Damian and Jon, staring unblinkingly. The bully swears up and down they saw the void and death in those eyes but there is no proof of that.

Even if they look identical, and can very much play as the other. They do have their moments when they don't play creepy twins. Danny is more quiet, he flinches from time to time at loud noises. Dan wouldn't hesitate to swear at rogues, goons and vigilantes alike. Cue angst here, of before their parental figure found them in an alley way. When they get really emotional Dan eyes glow red while Danny's glows green.

During Bat and birds hour, Oracle and Red Robin try getting footage of the twins but no matter what it distorts no matter how close or how far they are from the lens. Forget recording coming even close to them causes snow and static noises almost blowing up any sound devices they try planting on them.

[Interactions]

[navyiera]

No One Noticed.

Caitlyn Kiramman x Fem!Reader

tags; angst, wlw, established relationship, caitlyn being dry as fuck.

a/n; inspired by 'no one noticed' by the marias. (i love them)

You woke up as Y/N today. Or maybe you’ve always been Y/N, but it didn’t feel like it lately. The clock on your phone read 3:42 AM, the glowing digits mocking you in the darkness of your room. Your blanket was wrapped around you like a cocoon, but it did nothing to stop the chill that settled deep in your chest.

Your laptop sat open on the desk across the room, the same empty chat box staring back at you from last night.

Maybe you lost your mind.

The thought wasn’t new. It came around often, like an old friend who overstayed their welcome. Days blurred into each other now, but tonight—tonight felt heavier. Or maybe it always felt this way at this hour.

You sat up, your fingers hesitating before you reached for your phone. You didn’t have to scroll far before you saw her name. Caitlyn. You stared at the letters longer than you’d like to admit, debating whether to text her.

It had been weeks since she called first. Months since you saw her in person. Yet here you were, unable to stop yourself from wanting her. Or at least wanting the version of her that used to answer quickly, who laughed easily, who didn’t feel so far away even when you were in the same room.

Maybe she was still that person. Maybe you were the one who’d changed.

The message you typed was simple. “Are you awake?”

Three dots appeared. Your heart jumped. Then they disappeared.

You tried not to care.

But then her reply came through: “Yeah."

You hesitated before typing: “Can I call?”

Another pause. You hated that your chest felt tight, like this mattered more than it should. Then: “Sure.”

You didn’t let yourself think. You hit the video call button, and when her face filled the screen, something in you eased.

“Caitlyn.” Her name came out like a sigh.

She was sitting in the dark, her face lit only by the glow of her screen. Her hair was tied up messily, and she was wearing that oversized hoodie you’d seen her in a hundred times. The one you’d always thought looked better on her than it would on anyone else.

“Y/N,” she said, and her voice was low, familiar, but there was something distant in it.

“You look tired,” you said, a poor attempt at conversation.

“I am.”

“Then why are you awake?”

She shrugged. “Why are you?”

You wanted to tell her the truth. That you couldn’t stop thinking about how she didn’t call anymore, how she felt like a ghost haunting the edges of your life. But instead, you said, “Couldn’t sleep.”

She nodded like she understood. Maybe she did.

The silence between you stretched, the hum of your laptop the only sound in the room. You thought about ending the call, about sparing yourself the ache of wanting more from her than she seemed willing to give. But then she spoke.

“You’ve been quiet lately.”

You laughed softly, bitterly. “You’d know all about that.”

Her expression flickered, something like guilt crossing her features, but it was gone too quickly for you to hold onto.

“I’m here now,” she said, her voice softer.

You didn’t know what to say to that. So you just looked at her, memorizing the curve of her jaw, the way her fingers rested against her lips.

“Y/N?” she said after a while, and the way she said your name made your chest ache.

“Yeah?”

“I miss you.”

Your breath caught. “Then why do you keep pulling away?”

She looked down, her hair falling into her face. “It’s not you.”

“It feels like me.”

“It’s not.” She looked up then, her eyes meeting yours through the screen. “I don’t know how to… stay, I guess.”

“Try.” The word came out sharper than you intended, but you didn’t take it back. “Just try.”

She didn’t answer, and the silence felt heavier this time.

“I’m tired, Y/N,” she said finally.

“Of me?”

“No.” She sighed, running a hand through her hair. “Of everything.”

You didn’t know how to fix that. You didn’t know how to fix her. But God, you wanted to.

“Caitlyn.” Her name felt like a prayer on your lips. “I’m tired too.”

For a moment, you thought she might cry. But she didn’t. She just looked at you, her expression unreadable.

“You don’t have to do this alone,” you said, echoing words she’d once told you.

She smiled faintly, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “You don’t either.”

You wanted to believe her. But when the call ended and her face disappeared from your screen, the ache in your chest didn’t go away.

You stared at the blank chat box, the cursor blinking like it was waiting for you to say something. But there was nothing left to say.

Maybe you’d lost your mind.

No one noticed.

No one but her.

And that made it all the worse.

[ruewrote]

𝑡𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑔𝑜.

PAIRING: jj maybank x fem!reader WARNINGS: jealously, arguments, no use of y/n GENRE: angst SONG INSPIRATION: is there someone else? by the weeknd WORD COUNT: 4.1k REQUESTED: yes NOTE: can you tell that me breaking no contact didn't go well?

navigation | ask | jj maybank masterlist

you were tired. not the kind of tired you could fix with a good night’s sleep or an extra cup of coffee. 

no, this was deeper. heavier. it had been weighing on you for months, maybe longer, and no matter how much you told yourself you were done.

that this time would be the last, you always found yourself right back where you started, with jj.

it wasn’t the kissing that made you feel this way, not exactly. you liked kissing him. god, you loved kissing him. the way his lips tasted faintly of weed and beer, the way he held you like you were the only thing grounding him. 

the way his stupid grin would soften just for you, his cocky bravado melting into something almost vulnerable. for a few fleeting hours, it felt like everything you wanted, everything you’d dreamed of since the first time you realised how deep your feelings for him ran.

but it was never real. not when the alcohol was buzzing in his veins, not when he whispered things he’d never say in the harsh light of day. “you know it’s always been you, right?” his voice would crack sometimes, and you’d feel your heart breaking and healing all at once. 

or there’d be the quiet, desperate promises. “one day, i’m gonna do right by you. i swear.” and for a moment, you’d believe him.

you always believed him.

but then the sun would rise, and jj would be gone. not gone in the literal sense. no, he’d still be around, cracking jokes, causing trouble, being him. but it was like the version of him you got in the middle of the night didn’t exist in the daylight. 

instead, you’d see him with someone else, his arm slung around some girl, his attention completely absorbed by her like you’d never even crossed his mind.

it wasn’t just one time. it wasn’t even a few times. it was a pattern, and it was breaking you. because as much as you wanted to hate him for it, you couldn’t. you couldn’t hate him for being who he was, for not giving you the thing you so desperately wanted but he so clearly wasn’t ready to give.

you hated the way you let him in, over and over again. the way you believed the things he said, even when he never followed through on them. you hated the way your heart sped up when he looked at you, even though you knew that look wouldn’t last. 

you hated the way your chest ached every time you saw him with someone else, the way you had to swallow the lump in your throat and force a smile like it didn’t matter.

but it did matter. it mattered too much.

so, you told yourself you were done. this time, for real. no more stolen kisses, no more whispered promises. no more jj.

moving on wasn’t easy, though. it wasn’t like you could just flip a switch and stop caring. but you tried. you told yourself it was okay to look at other guys, to flirt a little, to remind yourself that there were people out there who might actually be able to give you what jj couldn’t.

at first, it felt hollow. empty. none of the guys you talked to really clicked, and you started to wonder if you were just wasting your time. but then there was jackson.

jackson wasn’t like jj. he didn’t have that wild spark, that untamed energy that drew people in. but maybe that was a good thing. because jackson was steady. reliable. the kind of guy who made you feel safe instead of uncertain.

he wasn’t one for grand gestures or flashy moves. but he was thoughtful in ways that caught you off guard. like when he texted you first thing in the morning, asking how you slept. or when he remembered little things about you. your favorite coffee order, the song you hummed under your breath when you thought no one was listening.

and maybe the chemistry wasn’t instant. maybe there weren’t fireworks or that pull you’d always felt with jj. but there was something else. something quieter. something warmer.

still, there were moments when doubt crept in. 

late at night, when your phone buzzed and you half hoped it was him. even though you knew it wouldn’t be. or when you caught yourself comparing the two of them, wondering if you’d ever feel the same fire you felt for jj with someone else.

the doubt lingered. refusing to leave no matter how much you tried to shake it. 

the room had quieted down, the hum of conversation replaced by the soft rustling of the evening. the others had scattered. pope was buried in his notes on the porch, sarah and john b had disappeared into the twinkie for some ‘alone time,’ and kie had made herself scarce, muttering something about a late-night walk.

that left just you and jj, sprawled on opposite ends of the couch. you had tucked yourself into the corner, scrolling through your phone, a quiet giggle escaping your lips now and then. it wasn’t intentional, but each laugh seemed to draw jj’s attention, his eyes flickering toward you.

“what’s so funny over there?” he finally asked, his tone light but laced with curiosity.

you glanced up at him briefly, your lips still tugged into a soft smile. "nothing," you said casually, shrugging as you turned your attention back to your phone.

he shifted, sitting up slightly, leaning toward you, his eyebrows raised. "nah, come on. don’t give me that. who’s got you giggling like that? share with the class."

you hesitated, your fingers tightening around your phone as you debated whether or not to answer. you weren’t doing anything wrong, not really, but something about admitting you were texting jackson felt... complicated.

"it’s just jackson," you said finally, keeping your tone light. "he sent me something funny."

jj froze for a split second, so brief you might have missed it if you weren’t paying attention. but then he leaned back, his smirk slipping into place. "oh, jackson, huh?" he drawled, his voice dripping with something that wasn’t quite teasing but wasn’t far from it either. 

"what’s he got you laughing about? some dad joke or something?"

you rolled your eyes, trying to ignore the way his sudden shift made your stomach twist. "it’s not a big deal, jayj," you said, shrugging again. "just a funny meme. relax."

"relax? i’m totally relaxed," he shot back, but there was an edge to his voice now, subtle but obvious to you. he stretched out on the couch, his arm draping over the back, his eyes fixed on you. "i mean, good for you, right? jackson seems like... a solid guy."

you could feel the tension creeping into the air between you, and you hated it. you hated how jj could make something so small feel so heavy, how his words, his tone, could tangle you up inside even when you tried so hard not to let them.

"yeah, he is," you said quietly, your eyes still on your phone. "he’s nice."

"nice," jj repeated, the word rolling off his tongue like it left a bad taste in his mouth. "that’s great. real exciting."

you looked up at him then, your gaze meeting his, and for a moment, the cocky mask he wore slipped. there was something raw in his eyes, something he couldn’t quite hide no matter how hard he tried.

"why do you care?" you asked softly, the question hanging between you.

he opened his mouth to answer, then closed it again, his jaw tightening. for a moment, it looked like he might actually say something real, something honest. but then he shook his head, his smile sliding back into place.

"i don’t," he said with a shrug, his voice light and breezy. "just curious, that’s all. you know me, always gotta know what’s going on."

but you weren’t convinced, and from the way he avoided your eyes, you knew he wasn’t either.

you turned back to your phone, trying to focus on jackson’s message, but jj’s presence was impossible to ignore. the warmth of his presence, the way his leg brushed against yours when he shifted. everything about him pulled at you, even when you didn’t want it to.

the tension had been building for days, his snide comments had started small. barely noticeable jabs that you brushed off with a roll of your eyes. but they didn’t stop. every interaction seemed to carry a sharper edge, a hidden layer of something he wouldn’t address. and while he never said anything outright about what had been between you, it was there, unspoken, colouring every word that left his mouth.

by the end of the week, it had become unbearable.

you were sitting at home, sprawled on your bed with the tv on for background noise, trying to find some semblance of peace. but jj had shown up unannounced, like he always did, at first, he just hovered, pacing around your room, muttering something about john b, then pope, then kie. and when that didn’t hold his attention, he turned his focus to you.

"really?" he scoffed, nodding toward your phone. "let me guess, you’re texting jackson. again."

you froze, your grip on the phone tightening as your pulse spiked. he was baiting you. again, but this time, you weren’t in the mood to play along. "what’s your problem, jj?" you said, not looking up.

"my problem?" he said, his voice cutting as his eyes flicked over you. "i don’t have a problem. just didn’t realise you were into guys who need a manual to figure you out. guess you finally found someone slow enough to keep up."

that was it. that was the breaking point.

you stood up so fast your phone fell onto the floor, your chest heaving as you rounded on him. "what the hell is wrong with you?" you snapped, your voice louder than you’d intended. 

"you’ve been like this all week, taking cheap shots, acting like a total asshole. why? because i’m trying to move on? because i’m finally doing something for myself instead of waiting around for you to get your shit together?"

jj blinked, startled by the sudden outburst, but his defenses went up just as quickly. his jaw tightened, and he crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back slightly. "i don’t know what you’re talking about," he said, his voice colder now. "i’m just calling it like i see it."

"calling it like you see it?" you repeated, your voice shaking with anger. "no, jj. you’re being a coward. you can’t handle the fact that i’m not waiting around for you anymore, so you’re lashing out like some jealous boyfriend. grow up!"

"jealous?" he scoffed, his laugh bitter. "of jackson? please. the guy you’re settling for?”

"stop it," you snapped, your voice breaking slightly. "just stop. you don’t get to do this. you don’t get to act like this when you’re the one who’s been stringing me along for months. you don’t get to pick and choose when to care about me. you either want me, jj, or you don’t. but i can’t keep doing this with you."

for a moment, the room was silent, your words hanging heavy in the air between you. jj’s expression flickered, his mask slipping for just a second, and you saw something raw in his eyes. guilt. pain. maybe even regret. but it wasn’t enough. not this time.

"that’s what i thought," you said, your voice quieter now but still stern. "you can’t even say it, can you? you can’t admit that you don’t want me, but you can’t stand the thought of someone else making me happy either. that’s not love, jj. that’s just being selfish."

he opened his mouth to say something, but you didn’t give him the chance. you shook your head, turning away from him as tears stung the corners of your eyes. "just go," you said, your voice trembling. "i can’t do this anymore."

but he didn’t move. he stayed frozen in the same spot, staring at you, like he was waiting for something.

you whipped around to face him, your hands shaking. "why the hell are you still here?" you snapped, fury rising in your chest. "are you really just gonna stand there? if you won’t leave, then i will."

without another word, you turned and stormed down the stairs, the adrenaline making your steps faster, sharper. you grabbed the door, slamming it behind you so hard the house seemed to tremble. 

you didn’t stop. your feet pounded the pavement, the cool night air biting at your skin, but you didn’t care. in all your anger, you hadn’t even grabbed a jacket, and now the chill of the night was cutting through you. 

you found yourself heading to the beach without even thinking. the sound of the waves crashing against the shore was distant, muffled by the pounding of your pulse in your ears.

you reached the sand, and collapsed down, too exhausted to care about the discomfort. the wind howled around you, you pulled your knees to your chest, wrapping your arms around them as if you could hold yourself together that way. 

the tears that had been threatening for so long finally broke free, flooding down your cheeks as the full weight of it hit you.

you couldn’t stop the sobs, each one shaking through your body. it felt like every bit of the anger, the hurt, the confusion, and the love you had poured into jj over the months came crashing down all at once. it wasn’t fair.

none of it was. you had given him everything, trusted him, believed his empty promises, and now... you were sitting alone on the beach in the dark, freezing cold, with nothing left but the ache in your chest.

you buried your face into your knees, the salt of your tears mixing with the salt of the ocean breeze, as you let the emptiness swallow you whole.

the tears had stopped, but they clung to your skin, leaving long streaks down your cheeks. your eyes were swollen, your lips tender and raw from the sobbing, and you just sat there, numb, staring out at the dark expanse of the ocean. 

the waves crashed relentlessly, matching the rhythm of the ache inside you, but you couldn't bring yourself to care. 

you had no idea how much time had passed. minutes? hours? the world felt like it had gone quiet around you, just you and the ocean. and then, the sound of footsteps. at first, you didn’t acknowledge it. 

you figured it was just the wind or some passing stranger, but the steps grew closer. you held your breath, the space around you suddenly feeling claustrophobic, like everything in you knew who was coming, even before you saw him.

the sound of a thud broke the silence as someone sat down beside you. you turned slowly, the muscles in your neck aching, but there he was. of course, it was him.

for a moment, all you could do was stare, the disbelief hitting you. your chest tightened again, and before you could stop it, a tear slipped down your cheek. you wiped it away angrily, but it didn't matter. the damage was already done.

a bitter, humourless laugh escaped you, the sound raw and broken. "why can’t you just leave me alone?" you muttered, the words barely audible. you tried to look away, but your eyes wouldn’t shift from him. 

you hated the way your heart twisted at the sight of him, even now, even after everything.

jj didn’t say anything at first, just sitting there beside you, his presence heavy. you could feel his gaze on you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to meet it. the silence stretched between you, thick with unspoken things.

you glanced back over to him to find his own eyes were swollen, lips and nose tinged pink from what you could only guess were from his own breakdown, his hands still trembling as they rested at his sides. 

you hated how, despite all the pain he’d caused, you still found him pretty in this moment. the vulnerability in him, the way he wore his brokenness so openly, it made your chest ache. it was the last thing you wanted to feel. 

he didn’t speak. neither did you. it felt like you were both waiting for the other to break first. but it wasn’t until the sound of the waves crashing against the shore felt too deafening that he finally spoke, his voice cracked, raw.

“i… i’m sorry," he began, voice thick with something like regret. "i’ve been a fucking idiot, okay? i know i have. and i don’t know how to fix it. i don’t know what i’m doing, or what i’ve done to you… but i need you to know that it’s not because i don’t care.”

his words were stuttering, full of shame, but the way he said it, the way his hands fidgeted, his desperation was impossible to ignore.

“i–god, i fucked this up, didn’t i? i… i always do this. i push, i pull, i make you feel like shit, and then… then i can’t stand the thought of losing you. but every time you walk away, i don’t know how to make you stay. i never know what the right thing to say is, and i just... i just hurt you again and again. i’m so fucking sorry."

you were still staring out at the ocean, fighting the hurt that sat heavy in your chest, fighting the urge to listen to the softness in his voice, to hear him out. but you couldn’t. not yet.

“i’m not asking for your forgiveness,” he said, his voice breaking. “i don’t deserve it. but i need you to know how much i fucking care about you. more than i know how to say. more than i can ever show. it’s like i don’t know what to do with it, so i make everything worse. but you–you matter to me more than anything else in my stupid fucking life. and if you can find it in you to forgive me... if you can just look at me the way you used to, i’ll do anything. i swear, i’ll do whatever it takes.”

his voice was softer now, quieter, almost pleading as he inched closer to you on the sand, his face full of regret. his eyes searched yours, desperate to find any trace of warmth, any sign that you still cared.

“i’m begging you,” he said, his voice trembling. “please. i can’t lose you. i can’t. i know i fucked up, but please. give me the chance to make it right. please don’t walk away from me. not like this.”

the words hung in the air between you, his desperate plea reverberating in the cold night as you sat there, trembling from the weight of it all. your chest felt tight, the pain of everything that had happened pressing on you, threatening to suffocate you. 

his words reached you, pierced through the numbness you had been trying to build around yourself. but you weren’t ready yet, not ready to let go of the anger, the hurt. you wanted to stay mad at him, wanted to keep your distance, to protect yourself.

but you couldn’t.

you felt the floodgates open, and the dam you’d so carefully built up around your heart cracked, letting the years of suppressed feelings break free in one overwhelming rush.

the tears came first, unbidden, streaking down your cheeks as your breath caught in your throat. you wiped at your face, trying to hold it together, but the weight of everything, the heartache that had built up for so long, was impossible to ignore. you turned toward him, your voice shook as you spoke, barely a whisper at first.

“you don’t get it,” you said, the rawness in your voice making it hard to speak. “you don’t get how much i wanted this… how much i wanted you.”

your hands were trembling now, your heart hammering as the words poured out, no longer able to keep them locked inside. “i’ve been holding on to this... this stupid hope, waiting for you to realise how i feel. but i couldn’t do it anymore, jj. i couldn’t keep waiting for you to come around. for you to see me. to see us. every time i tried to let you in, you pushed me away. every time you said you cared, i believed you, and you made me feel like an idiot for it."

you paused, trying to steady your breath as your chest tightened again. 

“i kept telling myself i was done. that i was over it. that i could move on. but every time i saw you with someone else, every time you pulled away, it tore me apart. it felt like i was drowning in it, jj. and i kept asking myself why i kept putting myself through that, why i kept letting you hurt me. but the truth is, i can’t stop wanting you. i can’t stop needing you.”

you took a shaky breath, your eyes brimming with tears again, but this time, they felt different. this time, they were from the depths of everything you’d been holding back. the fear. the hurt. the longing.

“i can’t do it anymore,” you whispered. “i need you. i’ve needed you for so long, but you never, never, let me be close enough. and it’s breaking me. it has been for so long.”

"i don’t want to be this broken, desperate person anymore," you continued, the tears coming faster now. "i can’t keep waiting for you to make up your mind. but god… god, i need you to choose me. i need you to finally see me. not as some game, not as someone you can just toss aside when it's not convenient for you anymore. i need to know you’re here for me. that you want me too.”

you looked up at him then, your heart in your throat, his eyes were wide, filled with a mix of guilt, pain. “i need you, jj,” you said again, your voice barely more than a whisper now. "i don’t care if it’s messy. i don’t care if it’s hard. i just need to know you’re here… that you’re really here."

the weight of it all hung in the air between you, and you felt exposed. but for the first time in what felt like forever, you didn’t care about hiding anymore. you were done pretending you didn’t need him. done pretending you could walk away from what had been growing between you for so long.

he reached out, tentatively at first, like he was scared you’d pull away. his fingers brushed against yours, a gentle touch that seemed to break the tension in the air.

“hey… hey, look at me.” his voice was softer than you had ever heard it, like he was trying to steady himself, trying to make sure he didn’t fuck this up. he moved closer to you, his other hand resting carefully on your cheek, wiping away a tear with the pad of his thumb.

“i’m here,” he said, his voice low, but full of conviction now. “i’m right here, and i’ve always been here, in my messed up way. i know i’ve hurt you. i know i’ve been a fucking idiot. i don’t deserve you, but damn it, i’m not going anywhere. i don’t want anyone else. it’s always been you, even when i was too stupid to admit it to myself. but i’m not afraid anymore.”

he let out a shaky breath, and you could see how real he was being. it wasn’t just the guilt on his face anymore; it was something else, something pure. it was like he was finally letting himself be vulnerable with you, really showing you what he’d been hiding all this time.

“i’m so sorry for making you feel like you had to fight for me,” he whispered, his voice cracking slightly. “i should’ve chosen you from the start. i should’ve seen you. really seen you, for who you are. not just the person who’s always there when i need them. you’re more than that. you always have been.”

his forehead pressed gently against yours, and you could feel his breath mingling with yours. his hand moved to your back, pulling you closer, as if he was afraid that if he let you go, you’d slip away forever.

“i need you too,” he murmured, his lips brushing your ear. “i’m not perfect. i’m never gonna be perfect. but i’ll spend the rest of my life showing you how much you mean to me. because you are my choice. always. you’re all i want.”

the warmth of his words, the tenderness in his touch, broke something open in you, you allowed yourself to lean into him fully. 

all the walls you had built around your heart started to crumble, piece by piece.

comments and reblogs are appreciated ˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗

© ruewrote 2024.

[life-is-more-than-just-a-game]

Can you make a jealous chishiya? Where chishiya tells the reader to thet information about arisu but the reader and arisu gets along prety well and chishiya gets jealous? Thank you.

♠️ Chishiya being jealous about you and Arisu getting along pretty well ♠️

A/N: Hey, sorry for letting you wait so long. Maybe you have already forget that you wrote me this request but I like the idea behind it, so I decided to make this my "comeback". 👀

I'm actually not sure if I understood it the correct way, but I definitely understood you want a Chishiya who is jealous about the fact Arisu and you are get along splendidly. 😋

Hopefully it reaches you and I also hope you will enjoy reading this. ♥️

Characters: Chishiya

POV: gn!reader

Warnings: Not given.

C h i s h i y a

I don't see him being a jealous person actually.

Unless you give him a reason to ...

Chishiya isn't even a person who falls in love easily.

But when he is falling for someone, he falls pretty hard.

So, you have to deal with his feelings and his behavior when he sees you together with Arisu, chatting and laughing together as if there would be no tomorrow.

Okay, to be fair, nobody knows if there would be a "Tomorrow" ... but that's something different!

Arisu may be a great help to him when it comes to collecting all the cards, but sometimes Chishiya thinks Arisu is his downfall.

Especially when it comes to you.

Yeah, but don't think he will talk about it- he is more concerned with hiding his feelings from you than actually speaking about them.

Even if you already have realized something isn't okay with him, he wouldn't admit it.

"I'm used to it that you are not talking much when there is nothing important to discuss about." "I can hear your "but" even though you didn't said it yet." "Then guess what I wanted to say next." "I don't have any problems, I feel fine, no worries."

Nobody said it would be easy with him. He can be as cold as he looks and it's hard seeing through him, even for you.

Still, he can be a calm and cool person as much as he wants- but he's just a human being. You can endure a lot, but at some point everyone reaches their limits.

You and Arisu are talking a lot? Fine.

Arisu makes a joke you find funny, so he watches both of you laughing and having fun with each other? Alright, you aren't his trophy, everyone can have other friends next to his own partner.

But seeing both of you hugging after a game ...

Because you saw someone die in front of your eyes and you are now overwhelmed by many different emotions ...

Well, enough is enough.

"Step aside, Arisu, that's not your part, alright?"

He was waiting for you the entire time you were in the building, so it's not hard for him to find you both outside being ... needy.

"In the future, you'd better keep your hands to yourself." "Excuse me what was that?" "You already understand."

While Chishiya switches positions with Arisu and holds you captive in his arms, he just gives the dark-haired man a warning look.

… Even if unintentionally.

… And unconsciously.

"Well ... I better go then and ... leave both of you alone ... for now." Arisu lets off of you, leaving you to the person who means the most to you. "You better do."

Trying to catch your breath and calm down, you look up to Chishiya and Arisu alternately, feeling the tension between them.

Still, you can't help but start giggling a little.

Arisu und Chishiya both start looking at you now, irritated and confused.

"W-Well, wait ... just to make it clear- is there someone ... really ... jealousy?" "Yes, he is." "No, I'm not", he says calmly. "Okay, then ... let me hug Arisu again ... s-shouldn't be a problem when everything is okay. Right?"

Silence.

You smiling up to Chishiya, who is now biting his tongue and pressing his lips together, not even thinking about letting off of you.

Arisu watching in amusement.

"I'm ... just not fine seeing another one be there for you while I can be there for you. It's my job to cheer you up- even though I'm not the best in it, but I'm trying very hard." "You ARE jealousy, Chi!" "Oi, stop saying this, will you ... ?"

[bird-inacage]

The Heart Killers EP7: The Boat Scene 'Do you want to jump or do you want to fall?'

So yep, joke's on me. I was so wrong about how this scene may unfold and the episode in general. Credit to Jojo for keeping me on my toes. I wanted to dedicate a post to this, both for the fantastic performances but also the great character beats here.

BISON'S RESOLVE FOR REVENGE

I kept wondering just how resolute Bison would be. I thought that if he saw how upset Kant was about him getting hurt, he may waver. But it actually seemed to have the opposite effect.

Bison is understandably livid at Kant. I think a portion of that rage is intensified because it's with himself. The betrayal cuts deeper due to his own negligence. He should have known better, and Fadel warned him as such. As the confrontation unfolds, Bison's steely resolve veers towards agitation and restlessness. A twitch. An itch beneath the skin. An almost defiant urgency to squash any margin for hesitancy or doubt - that the sooner this is over with, the less risk there is for him to have second thoughts. Khao does a wonderful job of trickling out only the tiniest of hairline cracks in that resolve, to keep us guessing.

Forcing Kant to jump could also be a test for remorse. 'If I tell you to jump, will you do it or will you fight back or even beg for mercy?' If Bison wanted Kant dead, he could have done it already. We see him consider all the brutal ways he could do so. And yet the one he chooses is actually the least hands on. Watching Kant enact his own demise seems to be a testament to something Bison wants an answer to: a confession perhaps. 'Are you sorry for what you did? Do you regret it? Do you feel bad for me? Was it worth it?' and most importantly 'Do you love me? Did you ever love me?' When someone hurts us, we often want them to admit to their wrongdoing. To take responsibility for the damage they've caused as it gives validation to our pain.

Kant is debilitated by fear, but he's also resigned to his guilt. It's been chasing him this entire time. So he doesn't deny or rebuff what Bison's saying. Doesn't try to deflect or swerve like he's done before now. Neither does he put up a fight for his life. He displays a bedded in helplessness, an acceptance that something you saw coming has finally caught up to you.

When Kant does jump, it seems to take Bison a second to register what's happened. The fact that Kant doesn't come back up. The realisation that Kant may actually drown and die. And he panics.

KANT LAID BARE

(This is my cue to gush about First's acting). I loved his choice of line delivery in this scene. How quietly he speaks. How small, tired, broken and subdued this makes Kant appear. It's such an unexpected but phenomenal choice. It provides a complete 180 to Kant's usual brand of flirty showmanship. That's isn't to say that version of Kant is entirely false but he's definitely been playing up the 'perfect boyfriend' bit. To be as smooth and charming as possible, and to say all the right things to win Bison's heart. This is the first time Bison is seeing Kant stripped of all that bravado. And what's left underneath? Just a man whose desperately afraid.

The sheer terror that First portrays here is so layered and visceral. He doesn't just capture that primal fear of death, but there's so much more you can read into outside of the little he does say. Underlying all that physical and mental torment is trauma, a childlike desperation that renders him completely at a loss.

He didn't have a choice when Chris threatened him to become a pawn. He didn't have a choice when it came to choosing between his brother or Bison. He didn't have a choice to walk away. And now he doesn't have a choice in how Bison wants his revenge. I've talked about the loss of control and agency with these two characters quite a bit, but this is the epitome of having your autonomy entirely stripped from you. Kant is both paralysed by his fear of drowning, but also by his guilt and knowing that he brought this on himself - having sealed his fate when he agreed to the job in the first place.

"I promise when you wake up, the version of me you'll see is the real me." What happens when you strip a person of all their defences? You get down to their rawest form. And now we're seeing it.

Thank god the pair reconcile next week, because this was absolutely agonising to sit through. Firstkhao have done it again, but did we really expect any less?

You can keep tabs on bird-inacage’s BL meta directory for my other long-form posts around The Heart Killers, which I’ll be updating in real time as the show airs.

[staylovesmiley]

Give Me Your TMI~ Chapter 9

₊˚⊹ᰔ Pairing; Yang Jeongin x Fem!reader, Stray kids x Fem!reader

₊˚⊹ᰔ ₊˚⊹ᰔ Summary; In a world where Humans and Hybrids should be living as equals, Hybrids are still viewed as being closer to their animalistic side than their humanistic. Deep in the woods lives a band of misfit hybrids who reject these societal views and keep to themselves, choosing to live away from humans. What happens when the youngest of this rogue group meets a lost Human girl, befriending her after an incident where he must rely on her for help?

₊˚⊹ᰔ ₊˚⊹ᰔ ₊˚⊹ᰔ Warnings; hybrid!au, female!reader, angst, mild violence, mentions of sexual harassment/assault and discrimination, she/her pronouns used for reader, this is very loosely based off the overall themes/tones of the manga and anime fruits basket~

“Are you…going to be okay?” Jeongin asked softly, hand reaching out towards you to gently brush your hair back from your face where you lay facing him. The moonlight filtered in through the thin gap of the curtains casting a soft glow on his face that made him look almost angelic. You smiled softly, nodding as you leaned into his touch when he hand cupped your still slightly bruised cheek where Jason had struck you earlier. “Will you?”

The fox took a deep breath, thinking for a moment before responding. “I don’t…really know yet- I think I’m still in shock that I actually-“ He couldn’t bring himself to say it, as if not speaking the words would make them any less true. You both had killed someone that night.

It was still early in the morning, the sun had yet to rise and Chan still lay asleep behind you with his chest pressed against your back firmly in a way that comforted you with the physical contact of his bare skin against your own. “I know…it will be a while before things feel normal again, I’m sure.” You tried to reassure the hybrid, turning your head to press a kiss against his palm.

The two of you lay in silence for a while, just watching over each other before he spoke up again. “I-I’m afraid..” Jeongin’s voice trembled slightly and in the dim light you swore you could see tears brimming his eyes. Quickly, you moved closer to him as you wrapped your arms around him protectively. “Afraid of what, innie?” You could hear his racing heartbeat, his scent souring lightly as he hid his face in the crook of your neck before mumbling against your skin. “That you will think less of me because of what I did-“

A deep frown settled on your face as your hold on him tightened. “Jeongin I could never think less of you, especially not for that. It would be hypocritical of me…” He shook his head, the tips of his fluffy ears tickling you lightly. “But it was so- so savage…I was like a monster-“ You let out a huff, one hand coming to comb through his hair gently. “Innie you were protecting us, you saved Hyunjin- there is no telling what Jason would have done if you hadn’t stopped him.”

The fox let out a quiet whimper and attempted to burrow closer to you. “But I didn’t have to kill him- especially not like that.” You sighed, placing a kiss to the top of his head before responding. “And I didn’t have to kill my mother…but it happened. It’s done now- there isn’t anything we can do to change it or bring them back….its- it’s for the best that we try to move past it as best we can. The fact that you feel guilty means that you aren’t a monster, you were just trying to keep us safe.”

Jeongin sighed, knowing that you were right but he couldn’t shake the unease he felt every time he pictured the man you had married lying bloody and marred in the snow. “I was so angry…I could feel he had hurt you and when I saw him attacking Jinnie I just- I couldn’t stop myself and that scares me.” You nodded in understanding, giving him a gentle squeeze before pecking his lips softly. “I know- but you are not a monster….if anyone is a monster it was him.”

You laid there for a while longer in a comforting embrace, silently trying to cope with the weight of your actions when a soft knock sounded at the door before it opened to reveal a very tired looking Minho. “Guys…I know it’s early but- we all need to talk.”

You both sit up slowly, you holding the blanket up against your chest while Jeongin allows the fabric to fall and pool around his waist. “I’ll leave waking the beast to you both.” The cat teases, clearly trying to lighten the mood before backing out of the room. “If you wake him up I’ll go get us some clean clothes from our room-“ The fox states as he stretches before getting up from the bed. You nod silently as you watch him leave you alone with Chan still sleeping peacefully beside you.

Your hand comes to touch gently where the wolf hybrid had bit you earlier in the night and you blush lightly, turning to watch him sleep for a moment longer before gently nudging his shoulder.

“Chan- Channie it’s time to get up.” You keep your voice soft, just above a whisper as you lean down to place a kiss behind his ear. The hybrid groans, wrapping his arms around your waist where you sit on the bed and his face nuzzles against your hip before leaving gentle kisses at your exposed skin there. Your flush deepens as you giggle nervously and nudge at him once again. “Come on, Chan…need you to wake up now.” He sighs, shifting a bit before his eyes open and he’s blinking up at you. “I know- just….wanted to stay here with you a bit longer.” A soft smile finds your face as you lean down to kiss his cheek. “You know if you ever want me to stay with you like this again you just have to ask…” Your words cause him to blush furiously and bury his face in his pillow. How could you be so gentle with him, so kind? It still didn’t feel real to him and now he could feel your heart and soul tugging at his own in a way that made him dizzy and sated at the same time.

Jeongin returned shortly after, clothed once again, with a neatly folded outfit for you as well. He held the clothes out to you and you took them with a soft thank you before standing from the bed to get dressed to face the consequences of your actions. Chan rose as well, dressing in a pair of loose sweat pants and a long sleeved tee before ushering both of you out and into the dining room where everyone was sat waiting for you to join.

Your eyes flitted over to the kitchen where what must have only been a few hours ago your mother lay lifeless in a growing puddle of her own blood and you flinched, quickly closing your eyes tightly to rid yourself of the image when you felt hands gently take hold of each of yours and give you a reassuring squeeze.

When you opened your eyes again you saw Chan and Jeongin at either side of you, pulling you to sit down at the table sandwiched between them protectively. “Okay, I’m not going to dance around the issue here- we need to figure out what to do with the carnage we have on our hands.” Minho said bluntly, his tail flicking anxiously behind him though his deadpan expression tried to hide how on edge he was feeling. Felix who was sat to his left hit his shoulder lightly with a disapproving grunt but the older cat shrugged, knowing that no matter how they tried to sugar coat it they had a double homicide currently weighing over them and something had to be done about it.

You winced a bit at his words but nodded, thinking for a moment before speaking up. “I’ll write a letter to my sister Esther…I’ll-“ You think for a bit, brows furrowed as you concentrate on a good story for them to believe. “Jason left me and was having an affair with Mama- that they ran away together. I can add some other stuff too…make it seem like a letter to update her on my life, something normal- we were always so close so it wouldn’t seem strange for me to want to share stuff like that with her.”

Minho thinks for a second, letting your words settle in his mind before nodding. “That’ll be good. Changbin, Chan- gonna need your help setting a big fire pit in the back…we have to get rid of them where there isn’t gonna be identifiable traces.” The pair grimace a bit at the mental image of what they are about to do but they nod and head for the door, Chan giving the top of your head a kiss on his way out and then you are left sitting there feeling like something is missing.

Jeongin seems to feel your concern, hand coming to squeeze your thigh to gather your attention. You look up to meet his eyes and his gaze softens instantly. “What’s going on in your head, pretty?” He whispers, his forehead resting against your own. “I just- feel like we are forgetting something important….” You frown, closing your eyes as you think harder and then your eyes shoot open wide. “His car- we have to find it and get rid of it….um- the river! Do you….do you think you could sniff it out and help me?” The fox huffs a bit before giving you a teasing smile. “Shocked you didn’t ask Minnie, he’s the scent hound after all.” The beagle hybrid pouts at the younger’s words, turning away to hide behind Felix’s shoulder and you give him a soft smile in hopes to make yourself seem less scary before rising from your seat. “Come on, Innie…we should try and get this done before it’s too light out. I know that there isn’t anyone in the area but it’s better to be safe.”

It was done.

The bodies of your mother and husband burned to ashes by the time the evening was washing over the sky and painting it a pale, muted shade of blue. The car they had driven to your once peaceful little cabin was sunk to the bottom of the river by late afternoon.

Now, you sit in your room on the bed, knees pulled to your chest and eyes closed as you focus on breathing in slow and deep through your nose before exhaling slowly through your nose as you couldn’t seem to shake the memory of the knife sinking into your mother’s stomach, her words still echoing in your mind though you tried to expel them.

You had told Jeongin you wanted some time to yourself, and although you could feel his disappointment and worry wash over you through your shared bond he had respected your wishes and left to curl up in Felix’s bed as the cat hybrid held him close for comfort.

As you were beginning to feel like the room was closing in on you and your breathing became less of a rhythm and more uneven you heard a knock at the door that snapped you out of your thoughts and back to the present. Before you could answer the door was pushed open to reveal Hyunjin, the ferret hybrids beautiful face littered with bruises and small scrapes and his head hung in a sheepish manner as he carefully approached you. “P-Pretty….’m sorry to bother you but I need your help-“ His voice sounded so small, hesitant and you softened at the sound. “Oh Jinnie…come here?” You motioned for the hybrid to come closer and once he was sat on the bed you immediately crawled to embrace him. Hyunjin melted against you, head resting atop yours as you snuggled into his side while being mindful of his bruised ribs and stomach.

“What does my angel need help with, hm?” You asked, voice gentle as you rubbed soothing circles into his back with careful hands. “Can you….would you help me cut my hair?”

Oh- his request shocked you. Everyone was well aware of how much the ferret adored having his long dark hair played with, allowing anyone who was willing to card their hands through it as he drifted off into a peaceful nap or letting you and Felix weave pretty braids into it to keep the hair from sticking to his neck when working out in the garden due to the hot sun beating down on him despite the growing chill in the air. “You want me to cut your hair, baby? Are you sure?” You gently ran your fingers through his silky locks and he nodded, a little sniffle coming from him and causing you to pull away enough to catch the few tears that dropped from where they had rolled down his cheeks and hit his lap leaving little dark spots in their wake.

“Okay, if that’s what you want I can do that for you.” You smiled softly, assuring him that this was not a burden for him to ask the favor and you slowly got off the bed and took his hand into yours to lead him out of the room.

Now, the ferret hybrid sat calmly on the closed seat of the toilet as you stood between his parted legs. You ran your fingers through his hair a couple of times before bringing the scissors in your hand up to carefully cut away his dark locks. Piece by piece the fell silently to the floor by your feet, the sensation tickling softly as you continued and the slowly piling hair grew around you. Once you got to a short enough length, you pulled out the clippers you had bought not to long ago from the drug store in town, the original purpose having been to trim the back of Jisung’s hair as he had been complaining about how long it was getting and not liking the feeling of it tickling his neck and behind his ears. Now, they were used to carefully buzz away the ferrets mane as he had requested, being very cautious not to harm his soft little ears or nick the back of his slender neck or ears.

The moment was silent, soft, as he sat still for you and you hummed softly while you worked. You were reminded of a memory from your childhood, giving your baby brothers their first haircuts as they squirmed and wriggled around still trying to play while you attempted to cut their soft baby curls into a style that wasn’t too garish for the toddlers.

Once the task was finished you turned and sat the clipper down at the edge of the sink, moving to the claw footed tub to turn the water on so you could help Hyunjin wash what fine hairs were now clinging to his skin and the tightly cropped hair on his head. When the tub was full you helped him undress, letting him lower himself into the water carefully with your assistance. Nudity was not foreign to you in this family, the hybrids having to shift back into their human forms completely bare meaning you had seen all of them nude at least once in the months you had lived with them. Still, this moment felt so soft and intimate it caused your heart to flutter and your cheeks to flush as you gently began washing the hybrid’s bruised body.

“I never got to thank you…for protecting me.” You said after sitting in silence for what felt like an eternity, gently massaging his now fuzzy head with a small amount of shampoo as Hyunjin practically purred at the touch. “It’s what you do for the people you love.” He said, as if it was the most simple thing like brushing your teeth or getting dressed in the morning. “You love me?” Was what you responded with, genuine surprise in your voice as you used the cup kept by the tub to rinse his hair and with one hand block any suds from getting into his tightly shut eyes. He nodded once you were done, turning to give you a shy smile. “We all do, though some of us are too shy to admit it yet…you are precious to us, our pretty. I don’t doubt at all that any of us would have done what I did, and I know you would do the same for us.”

His words resonated deeply with you, something to finally take your mind off of everything from the day previous.

You were still thinking about it when Chan came to you where you were curled up on the couch after dinner and sat down only to pull you up and into his lap before burying his face in the side of your neck where his bite was slowly healing under the bandages you had applied. “Channie? You feeling okay?” You asked, sudden concern washing over you although you couldn’t feel any distress coming from the wolf hybrid. His ears tickled your cheek where they twitched slightly at the sound of your voice. “I’m okay, but I could feel you earlier. You’re hurting.” You let out a soft sigh, not having the energy to deny it when you knew he was right. “I’ll be hurting for a while, probably…Chan you-“ Hesitating for a moment, you wondered if this question would be pushing too far despite how close you had become. “When you used to fight…did you ever have to kill anyone?” Your voice was quiet, just loud enough that his enhanced hearing could pick up the sound and he froze, arms tight around you before relaxing again. “Yes, I did…” You let out a little whimper, turning to hide your face in his soft curls as tears welled in your eyes. “It’s so awful…I’m sorry you had to go through those feelings alone.” The wolf couldn’t help but chuckle, placing a few soft kisses against your neck before pulling away to cup your face in his hands. “Oh pretty…you are too kind for this world. Going through everything you just did and you are more worried about what I had to endure in my past than how you are feeling in your present.” A light kiss was placed on your lips, more of a peck really, and you couldn’t help but preen at the attention from the oldest.

As you still sat cuddled up with the wolf hybrid, Minho entered the room and paused to take in the scene before him with curiosity. He took a few tentative sniffs at the air and realized your scent had once again shifted slightly, just as it had when their youngest had mated you. A smirk curled at his lips and he leaned against the wall with arms crossed over his chest. “Well what do we have here, hm?” He called out to the both of you causing you to look at where the cat began sauntering over to take a seat on the hearth of the fireplace. “If I didn’t know any better I’d say you somehow mated with our pretty.” Minho teased, not meaning much behind his words but at the shocked expression on both of your faces he faltered. “Wait- you…you didn’t- you couldn’t, well shouldn’t-“

Confusion was clear in your eyes as you looked between the bewildered Minho and sheepish Chan. “What do you mean shouldn’t? Is that- Innie didn’t seem to be bothered that Chan mated me too…” You assumed the second oldest was inferring that your first mate would be upset by your bond with Chan, when that wasn’t what was causing his jaw to drop in shock as he rose from his seat to pull you up from the wolf’s lap and examine you closely.

Minho gasped, peeling back the bandage at your neck carefully to inspect the bite healing there. “No way…and it worked? You’re bonded?” He asked Chan, looking over you and to where the older sat squirming in his seat under the interrogation from the cat hybrid’s sharp eyes. “Y-Yeah…I wasn’t expecting it- I just bit her out of instinct but I didn’t think it would actually stick.” Chan confessed, rubbing at the back of his neck as you looked between the both of them. “What is going on? What do you mean you didn’t expect it to stick?” You frowned, worry creeping into your mind at the thought that Chan hadn’t intended or wanted to mate with you. As if sensing your unease, because he quite literally could, the wolf hybrid was up and wrapping himself around you instantly as he peppered sweet kisses to your head and face. “Pretty I didn’t mean it like that…just- hybrids aren’t typically able to mate more than one person. The fact that both Jeongin and I bonded to you is- it’s not common, unheard of really…” You frowned a bit in your confused state, looking up into Chan’s eyes before turning to Minho as if asking him to confirm the oldest’s words.

The two oldest hybrids shared a look before sitting you back down on the couch and taking a seat on either side of you to try and explain how hybrid mating worked. “So, just like most canines, canine hybrids form life long bonds with one another….but only in pairs. You being able to form a mating bond with both Chan and Innie is not something we would have thought possible.” Minho said carefully, watching your face to make sure you understood him clearly. Chan nodded, speaking up after a moment to let the information sink in. “The only reason I can think of that my bond stuck after you were already mated to Jeongin is…you aren’t a hybrid.” You blinked at him, taking it all in before nodding slowly. “So does that mean any of you could mate me too? Or do you think it stops at just two…?” Minho snorted as he tried to contain his laughter, hand coming up to cover his face. You pouted at him, worried you had just asked a stupid question when suddenly the cat leaned in close to your face. “Would you like to be mated to more of us?” He teased, a playful smirk at the corner of his mouth and you felt your breath hitch as Chan held back his chuckle from behind you.

“I-I” you stuttered, not sure how to respond as heat rose to your cheeks at the close proximity and attention from the cat hybrid. Minho gave you a sweet smile before pulling back to sit up straight beside you once more. “Unfortunately, I can’t help you test out your hypothesis. Only canine hybrids form mating bonds, cat hybrids are a whole other story.” You exhaled slowly, not realizing you had been holding your breath all that time, swallowing hard before nodding. “I see…so- only Chan and Innie could have mated me.” Chan pressed his chest up against your back, nipping lightly at your jaw before whispering lowly in your ear. “You’re forgetting someone, pretty.” Your eyes widened as you realized he was right, there was one more canine hybrid you had left out and you blushed furiously at the thought of the one member of the little family who had yet to fully let his guard down around you. “Seungmin-“ You said quietly, causing Minho to smirk as he rose from his seat and made his way over to the couch. “Don’t let him know you left him out, our puppy would be so upset. You know, he’s secretly very fond of you.” With that he disappeared to get started on prep for the next morning’s breakfast, leaving you stunned and confused in Chan’s strong embrace.

author’s note; hehe did I scare ya?? (To those of you who didn’t read my last ramble post…I tried to play a little prank-) To make up for the last chapter being so dark and the lil heart attack I seemed to give some of you- I give you some very sweet moments in this chapter~ sorry it’s a bit shorter than normal but if you read into things a bit you’ll see that I’m setting up for what is to come~~~ I hope you all enjoyed! Happy sleuthing and theorizing hehehe

taglist; (pink users I wasn’t able to tag) @coastinglove @estella-novella @chancloud8 @skzswife @motheraiya55 @zofia515 @skybluelixie @breadedloafs @inaribu00 @silly250 @royal-shinigami @thatgirlangelb @bby-boo4u @emmxxsworld @vampkittenb82 @h0rnyp0t @alisonyus @im-sinking-in-mud @ihrtlix @mrs-hwangh @danixiulin @wolfo2027 @kiaralynn3838 @ateez-atiny380 @daceyena @bookswillfindyouaway @blackcatpandora @popcatx0 @corgilover20 @marshmelonie @sassy-snassy @straykidslover2024 @xgridx @y4yayael @dreamerwasfound

[mythelixir]

Right now, who are you, what do you need to hear from your future self and your inner child? Pile - 1

Pile - 2

Pile - 3

Pile - 1

Knight of Wands - reversed

King of Swords - reversed

2 of cups - reversed

Ace of Swords

Aura colour – orange/purple

What’s your vibe?

Well, to be put simply, you are reckless. You’re someone who is driven by adrenaline, never allowing anything to stop you. To you, the world is a small place, and everything is simple. But all these are carefully crafted façades. You, in reality, are restless and fearful. You fear that the time given to you is too short and you might die tomorrow, you live in that fear. So you do everything now. YOLO right? So, you lack self-discipline in the excuse that it only cripples your adventure. But to a heavy contrast, you feel for the people you love, so deeply that you protect them with the life that you so fear losing. You are an idiotic fool that everyone loves but fears you aren’t in your right mind more than half of their time.

You are someone who is gifted with the power of intellect along with victory. Doesn’t mean you’re favoured that way, it's just that the hardships you face, you always find a way to get out of, with triumph at that. Hence, you give off confidence in your walk and talk. I just saw a lioness. While lions are signs of reign and power, they are also known for laziness. But lionesses? They are the symbol of elegance and royalty. While some things confuse you, you don’t get stuck in it for long. You understand the problem and solve it quickly, you’re very action oriented. So, when people see you, they see someone reliable, someone they know can handle shit on their own. In others' eyes, you are that bitch that they fear.

You give off major Aquarius/Sagittarius vibes.

Messages from your future self:

I know you’re tempted to just use others around you, and step over their efforts to get to your destination, but please, don’t do it. You’re only damaging yourself in the process. Telling yourself, “One last time” before doing it? No, you're going to do it again, trust me. It will be like an addiction, even when you know you should stop, you won’t. You can't. Trust me. I know being this Ice Princess is a tempting imagery right now but that ice that is meant to pierce others? It will only impale you. Power-hungry jackals, you hate them right? Then why are you seeking to become one? Write down your feelings instead, so when you read them back, you’ll understand why you’d stopped yourself. Love yourself a little. Show yourself some peace. You need it.

Message from your inner child:

So you fear touch because you were never hugged, lulled to sleep or comforted when you cried as a child? No open communication, only screaming matches? Always being said, “You’re younger, you don't know the world. Just do as I say”. Unrealistic expectations that you were never able to meet? Well, when you were younger you might’ve, but as you got older, shit just didn’t make any sense. You wanted to rebel all of a sudden, but even when you did, you were brushed off as “immature”?

But now, it’s time to change the narrative. Start small—acknowledge your pain and let yourself grieve the affection and understanding you missed. Surround yourself with people who make you feel safe and loved, and learn to set boundaries with those who don’t. Explore self-soothing practices like journaling, meditation, or holding a soft object when you feel overwhelmed. Teach yourself that touch can feel safe again—start with something gentle, like hugging a pet, or even placing a hand over your heart to remind yourself you’re here. Speak kindly to yourself; replace harsh inner voices with affirmations like, “I am enough,” or “I deserve love.” Engage in therapy or support groups to unlearn the lies you were told and create space for your true self to grow. Healing begins when you nurture the love and care within you that was always waiting to be found.

Pile - 2

The Empress – reversed

Queen of Cups – reversed

The Hierophant

2 of wands

Aura colour – white/red

What’s your vibe?

You are controlling and manipulative, but that stems from lack of self-worth and constantly neglecting your needs. You simply cannot control yourself so you rectify that problem by controlling the people around you, that can either drive them away or to you. You might be the sole earner/breadwinner of your family, this power trip might be the reason for your behaviour. The cards also strongly suggest the presence of a woman/ feminine energy had negatively impacted previously in your life, which now has shaped you to be sceptical to women, this also might result to you being called “pick-me”. But no, you are just comfortable around men. This kind of treatment also makes you incredibly bonded with nature and also, food. You love treating the people you love with food and also, when you are depressed, you need rain/ rain sounds + lots of tasty food.

You also suffer from emotional imbalance/ low EQ. Insecurity, emotional insecurity and self-neglect are themes that you see yourself falling into. This leads to lack of empathy, distrust and animosity towards people that are nice just for the hell of it. You either loathe it because you think they’re being fake or you just hate them for being something you cannot. You also think emotional detachment is the way to go. You give off tsundere vibes.

Major Taurus/ all water sign vibes.

Messages from your future self:

You lack a belief system and you know that ruins you. The nights when you feel no one is there for you, no one can hear your wailing cries, you fail to get back up because of it. Because you have nothing to believe in. That breaks you from the inside. If people fail you and you hate the idea of following a religion, then imagine you future, where you see yourself. Where you succeed, where you are loved by everyone and work towards achieving that, when you do that, you have something to live for. A silver lining in the darkest of clouds. And, there is nothing wrong with being conventional/traditional. People stick with olden ways because they’re proven to work. So you do you!

I kept hearing “Too sad to cry” by Sasha Sloan when I was writing this, give it a listen but keep a box of tissues with you.

Message from your inner child:

I know you probably fear large bodies of water—it’s okay. Something must have happened back then, something that made the water feel less like a friend and more like a threat. You’ve learned to cope, though. You keep a support system nearby, like friends or a lifeguard, or rely on floaties to keep you afloat. But that fear also made you fall in love with the warmth of summer and spring, where the sun feels like a hug and you don’t have to face the uncertainty of deep waters.

You’ve always been the one who plans, the one who maps out their path because people around you (your parents/uncles/aunts) seemed to have glided through life, never planning anything and you’ve seen things go wrong because of it. And that because of that, your anxiety made you an avid planner.

But guess what? That’s your strength. You hold the world in your palm, ready to shape it your way, one thoughtful step at a time. I see you. I’m proud of you. Keep going.

Pile - 3

Ten of wands – reversed

King of Cups – reversed

9 of wands

3 of pentacles – reversed

Aura colour – gold/black/blue

What’s your vibe?

You’re the people that appear in those movies with truck load of books in their hands and fall over, stumbling out of balance. You take on too much, be it work, responsibility. You’re nothing short of a pressure cooker now, ready to burst any second. I got this image from this movie called “The 3 idiots” where they heads swell up like a balloon and burst due to an overload of information. It is supposed to be funny, until its not.

I feel like now, you’re trying to let go of certain things, delegating some tasks, freeing yourself. You’re setting clear boundaries, prioritising tasks and overall, gaining a better understanding of your situation as a whole. Teamwork is a part of your stress and you are starting to realise that/ you’ve already recognised that as your problem.

The cards also point to a lack of maturity and the need to withdraw from emotional situations rather than facing them head on. You may be emotionally detached,  avoiding expressing your feelings openly and also create walls when going into a relationship. You may also have a sharp tongue or make decisions hastily/in the heat of the moment. You might have unhealthy coping mechanisms, when I see you I see a person with dark cirles/ eye bags/ bitten nails.

Major water/fire sign vibes.

Messages from your future self:

You are so fucking strong and resilient. Believe in that. You are someone who doesn’t ever give up because you see other people doing shit and think “Well, bitch, I can too”. That is you. But also please, proceed with caution. Stop once in a while to take a breather, because even the strongest I people need rest to succeed in battle. You are someone who has gone through and will go through so much shit but the will to live, never once faded. You have this strength in you to just, go on.

I don’t know why but when I saw this I got remembered of this one meme from arcane, where this dude’s shirt says “I survived act III, but at what cost”.

I heard “Sign of the Times” from Harry Styles just now. Wow. Well, that might be a good or a bad thing, only you will know.

Message from your inner child:

I see your fear of masculine energy, and I understand—it might stem from times when that energy felt overwhelming, controlling, or unsafe. You’ve built walls to protect yourself, and that’s okay; they were necessary once. But now, those walls can come down, slowly and on your terms. Not all masculine energy is harmful—some of it is steady, nurturing, and protective. Let yourself explore it gently, whether in others or within yourself. As for stagnation, it’s not a failure; it’s a pause, a moment to reflect and gather strength. You’re not stuck—you’re resting, preparing to move forward when you’re ready. Give yourself permission to heal, to trust, and to grow at your own pace. There’s no rush, no timeline you must follow. I see your strength, even when you don’t. I’m here, rooting for you, every step of the way. You’re safe now.

[mixolya]

ᓚᘏᗢ — beneath the stars, we became one: chapter 018.

you sat with ayane and milya at your usual spot in the café after school, stirring your drink absently as their voices filled the space. they were catching up on weekend plans and sharing gossip, but you weren’t really listening.

“alright,” milya said suddenly, breaking through your haze. she leaned across the table, her sharp eyes pinning you in place. “what's going on with you?"

you blinked, startled. “what? nothing.”

“liar.” milya crossed her arms, clearly unimpressed. “you've been spacing out all day. you're never this quiet unless something’s eating you.”

ayane tilted her head, her expression softer but just as curious. “did something happen? is it about rin?”

the mention of his name sent a jolt through you. “what makes you think it’s about rin?”

milya snorted. “because it’s always men sabotaging women these days. tell us.”

you hesitated, glancing between your two best friends. the thought of opening up made you uneasy, but you also knew they wouldn’t let it go until you did.

with a deep breath, you finally said, “we kissed."

ghe words hung in the air for a moment before milya let out an exaggerated gasp. “you kissed rin?! and you’re just now telling us?!”

ayane's eyes widened in surprise. “wait, what? when? how?”

you gave them a quick rundown of what had happened, leaving out the finer details but enough to paint the picture. by the time you finished, milya was grinning like she’d just won the lottery.

“and now you’re freaking out,” she said knowingly.

you nodded, fidgeting with your scarf. “it's just… i'm scared. what if I get attached and it doesn’t work out? what if I end up hurt again?”

milya reached out to squeeze your hand. “i get it, y/n. after kyo, it’s hard to trust again. but rin isn’t kyo. he's not the type to play games or hurt you on purpose.”

“she's right,” ayane chimed in, more blunt. “you can’t keep running from your feelings just because of some jerk in the past. rin likes you, y/n. anyone with eyes can see that. if you push him away now, you’re just going to regret it later.”

their words hit you harder than you expected. deep down, you knew they were right. you couldn’t keep letting fear control your actions. if you wanted to move forward, you had to take the risk.

by the time you got home, you’d made up your mind. tomorrow, you’d talk to rin.

the next day at school, you kept an eye out for him, determined to find the right moment. but it quickly became apparent that it wasn’t going to be easy.

you saw him briefly before class, standing near the lockers, but just as you worked up the nerve to approach him, someone called his name. rin turned away, his expression neutral as he engaged in a conversation with isagi. you hesitated, not wanting to interrupt, and by the time you decided to wait, rin was already walking toward the classroom.

the second time you spotted him, it was during lunch. he was seated by the window with a book open in front of him, looking as focused as ever. you took a deep breath, clutching your tray, and made your way toward him. but before you could reach him, bachira plopped down beside him with his usual energy, dragging rin into an animated conversation.

by the end of the day, frustration began to bubble up. you caught sight of rin heading down the hall, his bag slung over his shoulder. this was your last chance. you quickened your pace, calling his name.

“rin!”

he stopped, but before he could turn around, someone else beat you to him. a girl from his class - kana, if you remembered correctly - walked up to him with a bright smile.

“hey, rin!” she said, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. she tilted her head slightly, a playful glint in her eyes. “i was wondering if you could help me with something. you're really good at english, right?”

you froze mid-step, your chest tightening as you watched the interaction. rin looked at her, his expression as blank as ever. “what is it?” he asked flatly, his tone polite but detached.

kana laughed lightly, leaning closer. “it's the grammar. i don't understand it no matter what i try. maybe we could go over it together sometime?”

your stomach twisted uncomfortably. she was practically batting her eyelashes at him, and while rin didn’t seem particularly interested, he wasn’t walking away either.

you hesitated, unsure if you should interrupt. buz before you could decide, rin spoke again. “i'm busy,” he said curtly, brushing past her without a second glance.

for a split second, relief washed over you - only to be replaced by a pang of guilt. what was wrong with you? rin had every right to talk to whoever he wanted.

you quickened your pace and called out again.

“rin!”

this time, he stopped but didn’t turn around immediately. when he did, his expression was unreadable, his teal eyes meeting yours for a fleeting second before he shifted his gaze.

“hey,” you started, walking closer. “can we—”

“not now,” he said shortly, cutting you off. he didn’t wait for your response, turning on his heel and walking away.

you froze, your heart sinking. the coldness in his tone stung more than you wanted to admit. was this bad timing or is he actually annoyed?

the rest of the day passed in a blur, the weight of rin's distance pressing heavily on your chest. you replayed his words, his actions - or maybe lack of actions - in your mind, overanalyzing every little detail.

"i fucked up," you mumbled, realizing.

chapter 017 > here > chapter 019

back to beneath the stars, we became one !

my taglist is open <3

a/n: IM SO SORRY THAT I HAVE TO REUPLOAD i forgot the last ch. ...

taglist: @byakgans @bluberrymochi17 @levihanmyotp @x3nafix @etojlee @chuuyalvover @reocidal @syarc0re @azinniyaa @vashyuu @rwbie @idexmids @giaalorine @modxbea @nensi @anqelkoz @sapph1r3x @yuukigyatgyat @morgyyyyyyy @azharyy @chaerinmin @thenightsflower @narcjsistx @totheseok @meekydeeks @aerisevx @imas1mpp

© mixolya 2025. do not copy, remake or edit any of my works.

[mswyrr]

I don't think of the ending of Conclave as a separate, tacked on twist. I see it as the natural culmination of the themes and theological argument of the story. For me, it went along with the reminders of women's subordinated status throughout and the necessity of Sister Agnes for the Spirit to move - what are these hard lines used to limit and demean people? The work of men, not God. In God's eyes, "There is neither... slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one" (Gal 3:28).

What are these supposedly bright lines by which we decide who is worth more than another? Where are they located exactly? Chromosomes? Certain tissues of the body shaped in a particular way? In the mind? Where? Do they truly make sense when we look at the sheer diversity of "God's creation"? Is this a world of simple dichotomies or is that what we humans crave and impose?

Lawrence seeks after the divine, which doesn't actually fit neat human labels, and saw it in someone. In seeing it, he was challenged to expand his understanding. Benitez is, like all people according to Lawrence's beliefs, made in the image of God. Is he willing to perceive something of God he's not comfortable with?

For Lawrence, it's about having the grace to be able to love beyond those limits. He truly wants something beyond him to come down and touch him. He reminds me of this one poem: "I want heaven to descend and sit on My dinner plate / and so do you./ I want God to put His steaming arms around Me / and so do you" (Anne Sexton, "Jesus Dies"). But when heaven descends and sits on your dinner plate, it is not, cannot be, an easy experience. It challenges him.

Before him is an image of God in a shape and life history he has not been taught to recognize or understand. But he will try to love and move with this impossibility, beyond his fear and confusion. It's an act of humility over the sin of certainty - instead of telling another human being (the image of God!) you should take X shape, you should make Y kind of sense, and if you don't I'll hurt you -- he opens his heart. He loves this person and he loves God too, who came down and refused to be simple or easy. "Whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen" (1 John 4:20).

From a more universal pov: what is all the horror and domination and death we see around us but a violent and twisted refusal to see ourselves as one - part of the same biosphere, part of each other? What is the bigotry we see capturing so many minds but a refusal to see each other--in religious or humanist terms--as *sacred* parts of something beautiful - nature or the divine or both? Powerful men seek to dismember humanity and the planet to deny "you are all one". Ordinary bigots look at the sacred in another person and, if that person doesn't take the precise shape that they want, they try to hurt and destroy them instead of expanding their understanding.

The final "twist" is a deep, spiritual and philosophical repudiation of that. The whole story was something I needed, but particularly that. We can embrace the light in each other, without trying to control or dim it. We can have the courage to love beyond our understanding and find grace in that. To let our sense of the sacred, in whatever forms that takes, speak to us instead of trying to make it the instrument of our own ego.