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[deadwooddross]

MAY CHAOS TAKE THE WORLD! PATREON

[jarofstyles]

Merlot

Hello my lovely ducklings. I promised a good age gap DILF sorta thing and I’m here to hand ‘em over. He’s getting some silver at the temples and she’s loving every second of it. Let me know what you think 🍷

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WC- 8k

Warnings- age gap, dilfrry, smut, oral (m + f receiving) unprotected sex (please wrap it up irl), exhibitionism, daddy kink if you squint, and all the fun stuff.

“I hate to ask this cliche question, and it absolutely pains me to ask in such an uncouth way- but do you come here often?” Peeking over the rim of the glass, amber liquid brushed his top lip and the ice cubs clanked as the smoky liquor hit his tongue.

God knew what he was doing- the girl in front of him looked too young for him, but she had struck up the conversation first. Commenting on his silver lion’s head ring and asking where he’d gotten it, wide eyed and eager as she looked up at him with that pretty pout and mascara coated lashes. Perhaps it was the crippling loneliness of divorce, maybe it was the hint of a buzz of his second drink, or even a hint of desperation that had him continuing the conversation with the younger woman as she took the bar stool in front of him- but she seemed receptive. Leaning into the conversation and keeping eye contact, she played into him.

"Cliches can be cute sometimes." She laughed as she placed her own glass down, now empty. "I don't, no. I'm not one for the whole going out thing. Not anymore. I was in uni, but I think as soon as you graduate they take away your tolerance card." Rolling her eyes playfully she felt a lick of satisfaction in getting a chuckle out of him. "And what about you? Do you like to come to bars with overpriced drinks to talk to random people who decide to invade your bubble to ask where your pretty jewelry is from?"

"Well, I can't say I make a habit of it, but sometimes a man needs to escape the responsibilities of reality- and as much as I adore my pets, I think they’re tiring of hearing my voice.” He shook his head as he flexed his fingers, looking back down at the conversation starter. Pretty eyes met his own. It had been so long since he felt flustered but she had done a pretty good job at making him feel a little off kilter in the best way. A break from the mundane.

“I’ll have to agree with you on them revoking your tolerance once you exit uni. Though I will say it’s a blessing in disguise. I wasn’t terribly into partying in my last year, considering I’d started getting awful hangovers. Almost like s’bad for you, or something.” He teased, leaning against the bar top. It was clear that they’d shifted closer to each other through their conversation and he tried to not get his hopes up, but he sort of did feel like she was giving him… those sort of eyes. “I don’t want to keep you from your friends, though.��

“You’re not.” She said simply, looking up at him. Usually, facial hair wasn’t something she considered much at all. Not many around her wore it, but she had to say the longer she looked at him, the more she liked it. It was just… masculine. Rugged, in a way, but he kept it groomed. This man was interesting all around, with pretty rings and a deep raspy voice, seafoam eyes and a little tiny gray streak starting near his temple. God, that was hot. “I’m plenty happy talking to you.”

His heart skipped a beat as she looked up at him, those eyes sparkling with something he hoped was interest, but at the very least looked like genuine intrigue. Nothing about their encounter led to her feeling otherwise. It was a nice change, feeling the ease of a conversation flow even if he stumbled on words when he accidentally looked down at her lips.

Fuck it.

He reached out, gently brushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear, his fingers lingering on her cheek. "I’m glad t’hear that. You're very easy to talk to." he said, his voice low and warm. The risk was there, initiating a bit of touch, but he had fo test to waters. See where this was headed. Was she looking for a safe haven? A reliable guy who didn’t look like a creep (hopefully), someone to buy her drinks as she pitied the older man at the bar, or… was this headed the direction the heat in his belly desperately wanted.

“Am I?” Her head tilted slightly, smile slightly shy but making no effort to move from where his fingers hovered slightly. “I do get told I have problems knowing when to shut up and let things be quiet, so I suppose that tracks. It can be nice in conversations.” Especially when he had seemed slightly apprehensive of her at first and now warmed up. “You’ve got a nice voice. It’s nice to talk to you.”

"Well, I suppose we'll just have to keep talking, then." He said softly, his voice growing even warmer as he leaned in closer, his eyes flicking back down to her lips briefly before returning to her eyes.

“I agree.”

Y/N could be considered bold at times, but she liked that he was showing some effort- some interest. It was give and take, push and pull, a fun little game as she was given a perfect chance when someone else approached the bar top from behind Harry. “Oop- come ‘ere.’ She laughed, gently tugging him in as her ankle hooked around the back of his knee to tug him into her. “Someone’s tryn’ to make an order.”

Now he was closer than she had anticipated, stood between her thighs as she sat on the barstool with her leg wrapped around his. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to get in your space.” The girl could feel his body heat. Fuck, he smelled so good. None of that… the familiar cheap colognes and aftershaves she was used to, not was it overpowering. Harry smelled expensive and spicy with some sort of leathery vanilla and she had to wonder what it was. "You smell really good..."

"No, no, it's fine..." He said softly, his voice trailing off as he looked down at her, their faces inches apart. He didn't move away, instead, he leaned in even closer, his hand resting on her knee. “Thank you.” The heat felt a little overwhelming in his cheeks. Pathetic to be a grown man blushing over such a simple compliment but he was so close to her now, body head radiating off of her and she smelled equally as good. “Um, so do you.”

He breathed in deeply, taking in her scent. It was a unique blend of floral notes, with a hint of citrus and a sweet, vanilla-like undertone. It was feminine, youthful, and intoxicating. Sweet and fresh. It didn’t choke him in floral and musk like the women who had been after him since his signature had barely dried on his divorce papers, but something that he vaguely remembered from his own days around her age. Perhaps that was a sign he should back off, but he couldn’t. He felt himself getting lost in the scent, his head spinning slightly as he continued to breathe her in.

His hand on her knee nearly burned but she relished in the feeling, tossing her hair over her shoulder as she smiled slightly at him. It was her first time attempting something like this. Older men were always a thing for her, a desire, but never one she felt bold enough to go for. Now, though, she wondered why she had waited. The feeling in her stomach and the delicate way she felt under his touch was something that had her nearly giddy.

“I like the mustache.” She pointed to it. “It’s a mature look. In a good way.” Of course she didn’t want to offend him, make him feel like she was calling him old. “Guys I’m around usually can’t pull it off. But you do.” Braving a touch, she let her fingers run over his jaw and felt a slight bit of scruff. “Are y’gonna go for a full beard? Or no?”

"Maybe..." Harry murmured, leaning into her touch. "Depends on how well it's received..." The joke was cracked softly, his eyes fluttering closed briefly as she touched his face. He let his hand slide a little higher up on her thigh, squeezing gently. "Thank you for the compliment though. Was hoping it wouldn’t be a bad thing cause I noticed y’looking at it.”

“Mm, I was. It’s nice.” Sexy. Her eyes felt heavy as she watched his lips curl in a slight smile. “ I’m assuming that there’s no missus at home?” She asked lightly. “You don’t seem like a cheater, Harry.” It was a tease, but he didn’t wear a ring on his ring finger. Usually she never gave men the benefit of the doubt but selfishly, she wanted to be right so she wouldn’t feel guilty about imagining her inner thighs raw from beard burn later tonight.

"No missus." He confirmed, his thumb rubbing small circles on her thigh as he opened his eyes to look at her. "Just me, and the office. I've been too busy to think about dating, let alone finding someone serious." He admitted honestly, his gaze lingering on her face. "I mean, I was married. Briefly." He said, his expression growing slightly somber. "But that's over now. It didn't work out." He shrugged, trying to downplay it, even though the divorce had been messy and painful. "What about you? Boyfriend at home?"

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out.” She frowned. It wasn’t something she’d pry on because she could see it bothered him a bit, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t curious. Nor that she didn’t feel bad. “I’m single, thank god. My last boyfriend was a complete prick.” Her nose wrinkled in disgust. “Cheated on me a few times on a boys holiday. Was stupid enough to post with other girls and think people wouldn’t send it to me just because he hid stories from me. but it was a relief, anyways.” It sounded cold, callous maybe, but it was the truth. “It’s just me now as I figure out what to do.”’

"He sounds like an idiot." He grumbled, his hand tightening lightly on her thigh. "You're too good for that." He paused, his eyes flicking over her features. "What do you mean, figure out what to do? Like, with life?"

“Yeah. Career wise mostly. I think I want to do writing but it’s been hard to tell lately. I do that part time and then work at a cafe as a waitress and pick up shifts when I need the money. I’m tired all the time so it’s taking me longer to simply sit down and figure out 100% what I want to do but, that’s life.” She shrugged. “So I get suckered into going out to bars with my coworkers and getting a buzz so I go up to a handsome man and demand to know where his ring is from, so it suppose it isn’t all bad.”

"Writing, huh?" There was intrigue in his voice as he took in her answer. The compliment wasn’t lost on him, and it fueled that bolder part of him that wanted to break out. "Like, books, or journalism? I happen to be in publishing, so if that’s something you’d like to walk about we can…." He trailed off, his thumb continuing to rub soothing patterns on her thigh. "It’s not the easiest thing to break into but you’ve got a lot going for you. I’d be willing to help you if you feel ready.” . That was a genuine offer, regardless if he got laid… but he still felt that the way she was looking at him had an undertone

"You should come by my office sometime, if you want." He offered, his voice low. "I mean, if you're interested in publishing. We could... talk shop. Or something." He added, his hand slowly creeping higher up her thigh as he spoke.

“Or something?” She grinned widely. “Are you making a pass at me, handsome stranger Harry?” Her fingers stroked down his jaw towards his neck, messing with the collar of his shirt.

"I mean, m’being serious about helping you but… Maybe a bit of flirting is happening." He whispered, tilting his head to the side to give her better access. "I mean, you did ask where my ring was..." He pointed out softly, his hand now resting high up on her thigh, fingers spread wide, said ring gleaming in the low light. "And I haven't exactly been getting much action since the divorce..."

Eyes fell down to his hand and back up to his face, ever so slightly spreading her legs more to allow him to step closer between them. The heel of her shoe gently ran over his calf, biting lightly on her lower lip as she tried to keep the smile off her face. “And is that the only thing you want from me?”

Harry's breath hitched as she spread her legs, his heart racing at the subtle gesture. His hand tightened ever so slightly on her thigh, his fingers digging in just a bit as he leaned in closer. "No," He admitted quietly, his voice husky. "But it's a good start."

“Tell me.” She slipped her hand down to let them curl into the fabric of his shirt. “I’ve never been with an older man before, Harry. Are you all just as shitty as the younger ones? Or are you better?”

Harry's eyes darkened as she slipped her hand under his shirt, the rough pad of her fingers against his skin making him shiver. "I'm better." He said confidently, his voice deep and rumbling. "I know what I want, and I know how to treat a woman."

The man’s hand tightened on her flesh as she let out a breathy sigh, his eyes never leaving hers. "With respect," He said simply. "With kindness and attention. I open doors, I pull out chairs, I make sure they're comfortable and cared for. And in bed…" There was a pause, a slight smirk on his face as he averted his gaze for a single moment.

“In bed?” She echoed, looking up at him expectantly. “Don’t keep me on edge here. I’m dying to know.”

Harry smirked at her, his hand moving higher up her thigh, stopping right at the hem of her panties. His knuckles could feel how humid she was, no denying she was wet. It was hard to keep focused, but he had to. "Well, Y/N… I make sure they're satisfied," He said, his voice low and sultry. "I take my time, I pay attention to their body, I explore and learn what makes them tick."

“So you won’t just cum and roll over and fall asleep?” She hummed, her other hand running under his blazer and over his back. “Because I’m real tired of giving it my all and barely getting a subpar orgasm out of it. It’s why I was trying to be celibate for a while…”

Harry chuckled, shaking his head. "Not on my watch," He said, his thumb brushing against her panties. "I'll make sure you're thoroughly satisfied, multiple times if needed. I'll hold you close, kiss you, tell you how beautiful you are, while I make love to you."

“Ooo… he makes love..” She cooed, giggling lightly before leaning into whisper the next words to him. Was this an older man thing? Or a literature person sort of thing? Waxing poetically about the things he could provide, it all sounded amazing. But she had to know. “But can you fuck? Can you make me feel it for days, bruise my ass, get me so wet I ruin your sheets?”

Harry groaned quietly her words, his thumb pressing against her panties, feeling how soaked they were. "Fuck, yes." He growled under his breath, his other hand reaching up to cup her cheek. "I can be rough, I can be gentle, I can do whatever the hell you want. All y’have to do is ask."

Y/N let out a shuddering breath as his thumb brushed over her clit through her panties, looking to the side as she attempted to see if anyone was paying attention- but considering how crowded it was tonight, no one was paying them much mind. “So you’ll take me back to your place and make me cum? That’s what I want.”

Harry nodded, his thumb rubbing against her. "Yeah, sweetheart, I'll take you back to my place and make you cum so hard you'll see stars. And then I'll keep going, as long as you want, until you can't take it anymore."

“God.” The girl’s head rolled toward and thumped on his shoulder, feeling him chuckle as he rolled his thumb over her swollen clit. The lacy scrap of material she considered panties did little to hide how slick she was, the older man having plenty of fun playing with her as she turned her head and nipped her teeth into his throat.

Harry let out a low hiss at the sharp little bite, his hand still pressing against her clit through her panties. He reached into his pocket with his free hand and pulled out his phone, quickly typing out a text message before putting it back in his pocket.

“W-What are you doing?” She murmured, slowly pressing her lips to his skin and staining it with her lipstick. He was casual about playing with her, acting like stroking her clit was second nature as his other hand adjusted the straps of her dress back up from where they’d begun to droop.

Harry smirked as she inquired, his thumb still making small circles against her clit. He leaned in closer to her ear and whispered, "I'm sending a message to my housekeeper, to make sure the bed is prepared for when we get back to my place."

“God, M’gonna suck your dick so good.” She sighed, a tipsy giggle leaving her throat. “It’s big. I knew it was when I came over here but… shit, I’m gonna feel it for days.”

Harry grinned as she grumbled against his neck, his hand leaving her panties to grip her hip possessively. "You're going to love it, baby. I'm going to stretch your little mouth wide, and you're going to take every inch like a good girl." He crooned low in his throat. “But you need to get that pretty ass up and come t’the car with me. My driver is here.”

——-

Y/N let out a squeal of delight as Harry tossed her into his bed. His Californian King with a canopy, four postered, hand craved fucking bed frame, his shirt unbuttoned, belt undone and jacket on the floor. Her dress was over her hips and she wasn’t sure exactly how they’d gotten here, but what she was sure of was the fact that she really did like kissing him. “Kiss me.” She demanded, grabbing his scruffy face as he crawled up the bed and hovered over top of her.

Harry chuckled at her demanding tone, his mustache brushing against her lips as he obliged her request. He kissed her deeply, his hand wrapping around her jaw to pull her close. As they made out, he let go only momentarily to reach down and grab her dress, yanking it up over her head and tossing it carelessly aside.

That left her in just the pathetic excuse of lace panties, as she had forgone the bra for the sake of the dress, and there was no complaints on his end. Her hand pushed at the shoulder of his shirt, trying to get it off of him. “Want you closer.” She mumbled, leaning into him with a mewl as he pulled back to do as she asked. It was erotic and hot and she was surprised by the amount of tattoos he had, but god, did she want to see more of him.

Harry grinned, feeling her warm hands pushing at his shirt. He lifted his arms, allowing her to pull it off of him. His tattoos were extensive, covering most of his arms, chest, and back. Inquisitive hands ran over her sides, marveling at her form compared to his own build.

The man bent down and started to place kisses along her collarbone and up her neck. His rough hands squeezed her sides gently, thumbs brushing along her ribs. He continued to kiss and nibble at her neck, his facial hair tickling her sensitive skin. He whispered, "Wrap your legs around my waist, baby."

She did as asked, eyes fluttering shut as she could feel him through his trousers. Of course, she’d been right. The man’s cock was big like she had expected, and it was thick. Throbbing against her through the fabric, her mouth watered slightly as she rubbed herself against him, fingers finding his hair as he made his way down her throat. “Fuck, it’s been so long.” The slight scratching of the facial hair only made her feel more sensitive, like she was on a live wire. It was decided that she definitely liked it now.

Harry groaned at her words, the sound coming out more like a rumble from his chest. He continued to kiss and nip at her throat as she ground herself against him. His hands squeezed and gripped her ass, encouraging her movements. "God, you feel so damn good, and m’not even inside you yet."

Harry paused for a moment, looking up at her with a heated gaze. "You're so precious, so sweet... I've never been with anyone like you before." His voice was gruff, filled with desire. He ran his hands up her sides, marveling at her smooth skin. The curves, the indents, all of it was new and exciting.

“No?” She asked softly. “I’ve never been with an older man either. Kinda like it.” There was no hesitation in admitting it. “Was your ex wife not good to you, Harry?”

Harry's expression darkened briefly at the mention of his ex-wife. "She wasn't... attentive. And she certainly never looked at me the way you are now." He buried his face in her neck once more, kissing and nuzzling her skin.

“No?” It was astounding. “I don’t know how. If I had a man like you…” She let out a breathy laugh. “You’d have to pry me off of you. you are so attractive, so sweet… Can’t imagine why she wouldn’t be all over you, all the time.” It wasn’t something she could really understand. She barely knew the guy but she liked what she saw, and she liked it a lot.

Harry's heart swelled with pride at her words. He felt his ego growing a bit, having this beautiful young woman fawn over him. "I think she was always more interested in the status and prestige that came with being married to me, rather than actually being in love with me." It wasn’t something he liked to think about but in this instance he felt okay with it. If it hadn't ended, he wouldn’t end up here.

His lips continued to kiss and caress Y/N, his hands roaming over her curves almost in awe of what he had his hands on. It wasn’t what he had expected. People watching at the bar was his goal, really. He had one night stands a few times but he didn’t necessarily want this to be a one time sorta of thing. Not when she smelled this good and her lips tasted like cherry wine. He wanted to know what books she liked just as much as he wanted to know how she looked when she came. "But now I have you in my bed, and you're looking at me like I'm the most desirable man you've ever seen, so I think m’doing okay." He crooned, nipping at her neck.

“Because you are.” The girl purred. “All man and power in the best way. Not socially, but in what you are. You exude it.” Her cunt rubbed against him, making her eyes lull. “I knew you’d have a big dick. Knew it just walking up, how you stood. I wanted it inside of me.”

Harry let out a low chuckle, his voice a deep rumble. "Is that right? You wanted me inside you from the moment you saw me?" His hands gripped her backside firmly, spreading her cheeks as she ground against him. "Well, you're going to get it, baby."

“Mmm… I want it now.”

Y/N nearly whimpered as he pulled away but quickly shut up as she watched him stand up, hands working the button of his trousers. It took her seconds to lift up and get on her knees in front of him, shooing his hands away to take over. it had been months since she’d given head and while she wasn’t a normal lover of it, she had been dying to get her hands on him.

Harry watched with heavy-lidded eyes as she pushed his hands away and undid his pants herself. He bit his lower lip as she slowly revealed what she'd been craving. "You don't have to do that, baby." He said hoarsely, knowing full well that he wanted her to- but he wouldn’t make her. It would be more than okay if he focused on her. He got off on giving, and that’s what he focused on.

“Need to.” She gave him a look as she slowly tugged the zipper down, guiding his trousers down before palming him over his briefs. “Fuck, I’m gonna be full of this.”

Harry let out a low moan at her grip and the words that followed. The image of her full and well used was enough to send any red-blooded man to their knees, but he just stood there in front of her, letting her take control, letting her give him pleasure. He watched as she pulled his boxers down, freeing his length. His hands moved to cup the back of her head, fingers threading through her hair. He could see the lust in her gaze, and he couldn’t help but sigh again at the sight of her.

His thick, veined shaft jutted out proudly from a trimmed thatch of dark hair. The head was a dark, angry red and already glistening with precome. The older man let out a sharp breath as she wrapped her fingers around his shaft, slowly starting to stroke him. He watched intently as she gripped his cock, sliding it over the sensitive length, causing it to pulse in her grip.

A shiver of pleasure ran down her spine as she watched his control come undone. Her eyes were locked onto him, watching his cock pulse and throb in her hand. She could feel it grow harder with each stroke, leaning herself down and sticking out her tongue for a taste.

The sensation of her tapping tongue against the tip of his cock made him shudder, watching the precum string from his slit to the pad of her pink tongue. He looked down at her, seeing the hot promise in her eyes- this was going to be good and he knew it. She slowly began to slide the head of his cock back and forth between her lips, teasing it with her tongue.

Y/N wasn’t one to call any cock pretty, but she would dare to say it for him. Harry’s cock was appealing in the way most others hadn’t been. Maybe part of it was her overwhelming attraction to him in general, but she felt even more eager to make him feel good than she had with anyone else in the past. “I want to take it in my throat. I can do it, I promise. Jus’ need your help.” Her plea was finished with a kiss to the tip before opening her mouth, looking up at him to let him take over.

He guided her head forward gently, encouraging her to take more of him into her mouth. "Relax your jaw, baby, you can take it." He coaxed softly, his voice laced with desire. As Y/N did as he asked, Harry felt his cock slide deeper into her warm, wet mouth. Her lips stretched around his girth, pushing in slowly before he felt the tip of his cock hitting the back of her throat. He could feel her nose pressing against his pubic bone as she struggled to take him all in. “Shh, sweetheart. Just gotta get it wet for me, show me what you can do.”

He held her head steady, his hands gently gripping her hair as he started to slowly thrust his hips. The sound of his thick cock sliding in and out of her mouth filled the room, along with the occasional gagging noise as she struggled to accommodate his size.

"You're doing so well, baby," Harry praised, his voice low and gravelly. "Look at you, takin’ it like a good girl. You're gonna make me come so hard today, aren’t you, sweetheart? Just like that, that's it- relax that throat for me..."

As Harry continued to talk to her, his sweet words and praise, Y/N's eyes began to water from the effort of taking him so deep. She gagged a few times, her hands coming up to his thighs for support, but she refused to pull away for longer than a few seconds to catch her breath.

Her cheeks hollowed and her jaw ached, but she was determined to take him all in. Harry's hands moved to the back of her head, fingers tangling in her hair as he pulled her closer, fucking her mouth with more urgency. "That's it, baby. You're making me so hard... S’been so long... Been ages since anyone’s made me feel like this..." Harry's voice trailed off into a low moan as Y/N finally managed to take him all in, her nose pressing against his lower abdomen. “Tha’s it, right there- fucks sake.”

Harry's hips began to thrust involuntarily, fucking her mouth with shallow pumps as he held the back of her head, still buried deep in her throat. He released the grip, trying to urge her off- but she didn’t want to. "Fuck... you’ve got t’pull off, sweetheart..." he groaned, his breathing heavy and erratic. “Need t’fuck you.” Y/N whimpered around his thickness, her eyes watering as she shook her head slightly, indicating that she wasn't ready to give up yet. She wanted to taste him, to drink him down like he had with her. Harry's grip tightened in her hair, his voice strained.

"Babe...you've gotta-you've got to... please," Harry begged, his voice cracking as she continued to suck him off, her head bobbing and nose brushing his thatch of hair, making his eyes clench shut. "If you don't stop now, M’gonna, fuck...I'm gonna cum in your mouth..."

Y/N whimpered, her hands gripping his thighs tightly as she continued to suck him enthusiastically, eager to taste him. Harry's breathing became rapid and shallow, his fingers tightening in her hair as he struggled to hold back. "Y/N, last chance...I'm-"

The girl moaned as she felt him stiffen, his hips bucking forward as he finally gave in and let go, filling her mouth with his warm release. Watching his face fall in ecstasy, it was going to be worth the soreness tomorrow. She struggled to swallow it all, some of it dripping out of her mouth and down her chin. Harry's knuckles were white from gripping her hair so tightly, his body trembling as he came deep in her mouth. The sight of her swallowing him down was almost too much for him to handle, and he had to close his eyes and focus on not passing out. It truly had been a long fucking time.

As Harry finished cumming, Y/N eagerly cleaned his sensitive prick with her tongue, licking and sucking until he was completely clean. She ran her tongue along the veins and underneath the head, making him shudder and pull back. "Too sensitive...God, you're so good at that." he praised breathlessly. There was slight disbelief in there too, a slight tingling in his thighs as he looked at her as she pressed sloppy kisses to his hip bone. Mascara smeared under her eyes and lipstick a faded smeared mess, he wondered how he had gotten this lucky.

Harry needed a moment to catch his breath, his heart still racing from the intense orgasm. He looked down at Y/N, her messy appearance only making her more adorable to him. "You know what would be perfect right now?" he asked, his voice still shaking slightly.

“What?” Her voice croaked, feeling his thumb brushed away some of the tears on her cheek that had fallen from the gagging.

"Letting me get a taste of that pussy I've been fantasizing about." Harry suggested, his eyes still lingering on her messy and sated appearance as he pulled her up and pushed her to lay back down on the bed. “S’my turn now. Spread those perfect legs and let me see that cunt.”

Y/N obediently spread her legs wide, letting Harry see her dripping wet pussy. He let out a low groan at the sight as he got on his knees, his thumbs spreading her lips apart to reveal her slick folds. He buried his face between her thighs, inhaling her scent deeply before diving in and licking her from asshole to clit. There was no wasting any time or pretending to be shy about a single thing.

A started squeak left her mouth as her head popped up, hands gripping his head as he dove right in with little hesitation. Harry hadn’t seemed like the type to have any reservations in taking what he wanted, and it was being proven by how his tongue slid over her most sensitive parts.

He continued to eat her out with reckless abandon, his tongue fucking her pussy as if it belonged to him. Her breathing was heavy as he sucked on her clit, nibbling at it gently before returning to lap at her folds. His hands gripped her ass, spreading her cheeks wide to give himself better access to her tight hole. He wanted to have it all. “S’this okay, baby?”

“Uh-huh.” Y/N hadn’t really had anyone touch her there before but she couldn’t say she hadn’t been curious and self explored. It was always something she wanted to play around with and it felt exciting, handing herself over to the man like that.

Harry grinned mischievously against her wet flesh, his hands spreading her wider as he buried his face deeper. He pushed his thumb against her hole, slowly sliding it inside as he continued to lap at her cunt. “You taste so good, sweetheart...” he murmured, his voice muffled by her flesh.

He added a second finger to her ass, scissoring them apart slowly as he tongue fucked her pussy. Y/N's legs started to shake as the dual stimulation became too much. She gripped his hair tightly, her back arching off the bed as she let out a high pitched whine. "Ah!"

Y/N's fingers tightened painfully in Harry's hair, her knuckles turning pale as she tried to stay grounded while the pleasure consumed her. His tongue was spearing into her soaking wet hole over and over, curling up to rub against that spot inside her that made her see stars. And his fingers… god, those hands.

His fingers were stretching her asshole, pushing past the initial resistance and sinking deep into her tight heat. He scissored them further apart, popping her open wider as he fingered her ass. Y/N's legs shook violently, her whole body trembling as she felt herself on the verge of a massive orgasm.

"Harry...it's...too- please..." She babbled, unable to form a full sentence as he continued to stuff her holes. It had never been like this before, no one had even come close. He ignored her pleas, instead burying his face deeper and pumping his fingers faster. She felt so stuffed, so full, the pressure mounting inside her unbearably.

He felt her whole body stiffen, her pussy fluttering on his tongue as she cried out. She gushed against his mouth as she came, the feeling so intense and overwhelming that the waves of pleasure forced her to collapse against him.

Harry worked her through it as she trembled and whimpered with pleasure, his fingers still buried in her ass and his tongue still buried in her pussy. He felt a sense of pride and accomplishment, knowing that he'd reduced this beautiful young woman to a whimpering, shaking mess. It was not only an ego boost from what had been lacking for a while now, but he liked seeing how she reacted to him. He alone had done it.

Harry slowly lifted his head, wiping her from his face as he grinned wickedly at Y/N. "You taste even better when you're coming apart for me, sweetheart." He brought his fingers to his mouth, sucking them clean while maintaining eye contact with her. "And you’re tight everywhere, hm?”

Y/N stared at Harry, her eyes glazed over and pupils dilated from the intense high she was still riding down from. Her mouth was slightly parted, breath hitching as she watched him clean her off his hands. A soft blush spread across her cheeks, embarrassed yet turned on by his bold actions.

"H-Harry...that was...I've never...I mean...no one's ever..." She stammered, unable to form a coherent sentence even still.

He chuckled darkly, enjoying how flustered she was. "No one's ever played with your pretty little hole before?"

“No.” Her face felt hot as he grinned up at her. He seemed more than pleased and it made her feel good to know he was happy but still, she had the slight embarrassment that only came with the territory.

"Well, consider that box checked then." He said smugly, crawling back up her body to kiss her passionately. She could taste herself on his lips and tongue, the musky flavor a testament to what he'd just done to her.

He grabbed her wrists, pinning them above her head as he continued to ravage her mouth. She mewled into the kiss, arching up against him as she felt his hard length pressing into her stomach. "Does my pretty girl want more?"

“Mhm.” She nipped his lip. “Want you inside of me.” Was she still sensitive from her orgasm? yes. But she had been desperate to get him inside of her since she’d first spoken to him. “Do you- are you clean?”

He pulled back slightly, his breath hot against her cheek. "I'm always clean, sweetheart. I get checked regularly and I'm very particular about who I share my dick with." He gave her wrists a gentle squeeze before releasing them, reaching over to his pants to his back pocket to grab his wallet.

“I-“ Her hand reached for his wrist. “I don’t wanna use one.” The words laid in the humid air for a moment. It was risky, sure, as any sort of unprotected anything was, but she didn’t want anything in between them. “I want t’feel you inside of me…”

He groaned at her words, his eyes darkening with desire. "Christ, doll. You're gonna be the death of me." Leaning down to kiss her again, his tongue traced over her bottom lip before slipping inside her mouth. He took his time, savoring every inch of her. His lips found the sensitive spot behind her ear, causing her to shiver in anticipation. His hands made their way under her hair, feeling the warmth of her skin.

“Can I push in, baby?” He asked with a low tone, his lips tracing her collarbone. At her nod, he wasted little time. Poor thing hadn’t been fucked right before, and he would happily give her a proper experience. Reaching down between them, he positioned himself at her entrance. With one slow thrust, he entered her fully, feeling the warmth and tightness of her around him. His eyes rolled back in pleasure, as he buried the tip inside of her. “Fuck, thank you.”

He groaned as he pushed into her, feeling the way her body welcomed him. He paused for a moment, giving her time to adjust and letting himself feel the depth of her wet heat around him. His hands reached up to cup her breasts, his thumbs brushing over her nipples.

Being with a younger woman was different for him, but maybe it was just her- he realized as he moved inside of her. It was like being with a whole new sense of being, one who was full of energy and life. Everything about her was so fresh and vibrant, from her tight little pussy to her perfect tits and gorgeous face.

He continued to thrust into her, feeling the way her walls tightened around him. His hands moved down from her breasts, over her soft stomach and to her hips, exploring whenever he could.

His movements were slower, each thrust deliberate and measured. He wanted to savor the feel of her, the way her body yielded to his. He was drawn to watch her face, loving the way her eyes fluttered shut and her mouth fell open as he filled her. "Look at me," he murmured. She opened her eyes, looking at him with a dazed expression. "Good girl, like t’see those pretty eyes." The man sighed, unable to resist praising her. He continued to thrust into her slowly, each movement filled with lust and desire.

“Fuck.” She kept her eyes on him as her hands ran over his hot shoulderbaldes, keeping that contact as he dipped all the way back home as deep as he could. Her mouth fell open and a high pitched noise left her throat without her permission, brows furrowed. “It’s never been that d-deep.”

He grinned at her, loving the way her inexperience made her react to him. "That's because no one's ever taken the time to stretch you out right." He leaned down to kiss her neck, his hips continuing to move in slow, deep thrusts.

“Where the fuck have you been, then?” She laughed breathlessly, letting her eyes fall back closed as he kept the thrusts slow and deep, relishing every inch he took. her body was lax and hot, his for the taking. Right now she felt like he could do anything and she would welcome it. “Are all older guys like this, or is it j-just you?”

He chuckled darkly against her neck, "There's a reason why women often prefer older men, doll- but M’gonna say for greeds sake, s’just me." He suckled at her skin, his hands sliding down to grip her thighs and push them back farther, opening her up even more to his slow, deep thrusts.

“Oh, shit.” Her mouth fell open and he welcomed it, sliding his tongue back inside her mouth and humming at the taste of her against him. The fact there was not a single barrier, albeit risky for the first time fucking, made it even hotter.

His movements became gentler, his hands caressing her skin instead of gripping it. "You like that?" he murmured against her lips, his hips rolling into hers instead of thrusting. "You like knowing that there's nothing between us?" He pulled back slightly, looking down at her with a heated gaze. "I want you to look at me when I ask you something," he said, his voice low and commanding as he took her eyes. "Are you on any birth control?"

“Y-Yeah. Uh-huh.” Her eyes wide, she looked up at him hazily as she wrapped her legs further around his hips. “Don’t pull out when you cum. Please- I know m’crazy, but I need… need it.” Y/N knew she was insane for it, but their connection was so strong, every thrust inside of her, hitting places she didn’t know existed prior to this… she needed it.

His expression softened, a coo leaving his mouth as he nodded at her. How precious. "Alright, sweetheart. I promise I won't pull out." A dumb decision on his part too considering they’d just met but in the midst of it all, it was all he wanted to do. His hips began to move again, his pace quickening as he felt the heat of her around him. "You're going to take it all then, aren't you?"

“Yeah.” She mewled. From the sounds and feel alone she knew she was making a mess on his cock, but she had a feeling he was enjoying it every time he snuck a glance between them. ��Take everything you give me, Daddy.” It was a risk, but she wanted to see what he’d do.

His face contorted with pleasure, his brow furrowing and his jaw clenching. "Good girl…" he hissed, his voice low and gravelly. He buried his face in her neck and thrust into her with more need, his movements becoming more urgent. "You're going to make me cum, doll."

“Cum.” She begged. “Cum in me. Then fuck it into me. Please.” Her nails dragged over his toned back as she clung to him, his bed creaking as he fucked into her welcoming, wet pussy.

He let out a primal grunt and slammed into her one last time, his cock pulsing as he filled her with his hot, thick cum. He held himself inside her, his hips jerking as he pumped his load deep into her cunt. "Fuck, baby... I'm going to fucking fill you up."

But he wasn’t done. Not in the slightest.

With his cum still pouring into her, he reached under her and grabbed her thighs, spreading them wide apart. Observing the mess he made, he fixed his fingers on her clit as he fucked the cum into her just like she asked. “I gave you what you wanted, darling. Give me what I need too, mm?” His lips brushed her cheek, feeling the beginnings of her orgasm. She just needed a little extra, and he was more than happy to provide.

Y/N squirmed slightly as she felt it creep up on her faster than she could anticipate. The pulse of his cock as it dribbled the last of his cum inside of her, the feel of his facial hair brushing her tender skin and his fingertips rubbing quick circles over her clit, it was impossible to keep from holding back. Heat boiled in her stomach as she tried to tell him, but it came on quicker than she could speak.

A broken moan left her lips as her body shook under him, eyes burning with tears of pleasure as he fucked her messy cunt and continued the circles until she pushed his hand away, grabbing his face and kissing him far more messily than she would have done in any other capacity- but this felt right. Fucked out and wobbly, melting into the bed as he slowly stopped the thrusts and stayed buried in her.

“Mm- baby. Sweetheart…” he pulled back to look at her. “You alright? Tell me how you’re feelin’.” He needed to check in on her, make sure she was feeling properly taken care of. Just by the look of it alone he had a feeling she felt that way, but he wanted to hear it from her pretty lips.

“I’m so good.” She grinned, drunk with the pleasure as she looked up at the handsome man. He was everything that she had dreamt about when she woke up sticky between her thighs. Aged like a fine wine.

“Can we go again?”

[gurugirl]

DEVIL DICK | a preview

Full one-shot posted on Patreon only!

devil dick: a man who doesn't have much to offer, but he gives it his all between the sheets and keeps 'em coming back for more.

. . .

"That's devil dick," Regi said. "Dick so good it gets you hooked and coming back for more but that's all he has, ya know? So, of course, he's giving it a hundred in bed. He's got nothing else. No job or money…"

.

The sticky sweet, electric blue cocktail you were sipping on was doing its job. Ethanol molecules passing through the barrier of your bloodstream and the area of your brain responsible for controlling your central nervous system caused that familiar feeling of intoxication to take over.

In other words, your normally high-functioning brain, along with its good judgment was being temporarily impaired.

But that's exactly what you wanted.

It was Friday night at one of the many popular bars downtown. You had no rhyme or reason for choosing this one. You just did. And when you found yourself a spot at the end of the bar all you knew was that you were going to have three, or maybe four, cocktails and then call it a night.

The bartender suggested their Friday night $6 special, the name of which you had already forgotten. But it was tasty; a little tart and a lot sweet. Coconutty. You could pretend you were somewhere in the Caribbean on vacation. Maybe an island off of Cartagena somewhere, basking in the sun and watching the ocean lap into the white sands.

But actually, you'd rather be right where you were in the big city sipping your shitty drink on your uncomfortable stool with terrible music pumping from the speakers.

Why? Because of the curly-haired man that was a few people down and catty-corner to you at the bar. The one who kept looking at you like he wanted the same thing you did. He was drinking a brown liquor. Whisky, brandy, or rum perhaps. Neat.

His big hand wrapped around the glass as he eyed you from his spot and he sipped up the intoxicant in much the same way you were nursing your own.

No words needed to be spoken as you emptied your third cocktail. He raised his tattooed arm to call the bartender to close out his tab. And then he pointed at you, pink lips moving, curving around his vowels slowly as he spoke.

You already knew what this was. You and the man had been communicating with your eyes and body language for the past hour and now he was paying your tab and that meant you were about to leave with him.

It was a good thing that your inhibitions were lowered. The ethanol effectively neutralizing your brain's don't-do-that switch.

Your card was returned and you stepped off the stool just as Mr. Pink Lips approached, giving you a hand to steady yourself before he followed you out of the bar, hand at your low back.

The night air did nothing to sober you up when you finally turned to speak, "Thank you for getting my drinks in there."

He grinned, "You're welcome. I'm Harry."

You slid your palm against his and introduced yourself, "What now, Harry?"

"Got a place we can go to?"

"Um… yeah. We can go to mine."

Harry bought your drinks so you got the taxi. Normally you wouldn't bring strangers back to yours but, again, your neurotransmitters weren't firing off as quickly as they normally did. And you were horny and he was fine as hell.

Sitting with your thigh glued to his in the backseat of the car he wrapped his palm around your neck ever so gently and tilted your head back before sliding his lips against yours. The gesture was dominant, forceful, but he wasn't rough. It felt like he knew what he wanted and you'd let him have it for the night.

. . .

Interested in more? 👀 Consider joining my Patreon!

xoxo

[shankss-magnificent-ass]

Imagine Shanks teaching you how to use a sword part 2

FYI, in case it wasn't obvious, IDK anything about fencing, or swords fighting other than the point bit goes in the other feller.

Shanks: Can I offer you a piece of advice?

You: Sure.

Shanks: I think you'd benefit from widening your stance, it'd enable you to move around easier, especially since you like to use your weight to throw your opponent off balance.

You: Like this? *Shifts your feet apart*

Shanks: No, like this *grabs your hip, and kicks your legs further apart* Now try a few moves.

You: *tries to focus on your sword, but can't because he's kneading your skin*

Shanks: No, no, you're far too stiff * Pulls you against his chest, leaning over you slightly to guide your hands in a fluid motion* See, you keep locking up your elbows at the wrong time.

You: Okay, so like this? *Steps away from him and goes through the motions*

Shanks: Perfect, *Ruffles your hair* wanna try it against me?

You: *Has to deliver a message to Whitebeard* Alright, that's the message, I'll skedaddle now.

Whitebeard: Is that what you think? That I'll let you go, just like that?

You: *nods with confidence* Yep, just like that.

Whitebeard: Gurararara! No, but I'm glad to see Shanks sent me such an interesting crewmate. *Reaches for you*

You: *pulls your sword* Don't touch me!

Whitebeard: Oh, you think you can take me, little one?

You: Seeing as I just started learning two weeks ago, and I've never seen real combat? No.

Whitebeard: Gurararara!, then you're not a threat at all.

You: No. *lowers your sword* But I really don't like being touched by people I don't know.

Whitebeard: That's fair and fine... Who's been teaching you then?

You: Shanks.

Whitebeard: Shanks really? He's never taken a student before.

You: He says I've got natural talent, but I believe he was just trying to be nice.... or get into my pants, I can't tell.

Marco: It's always a bit hard to tell with him.

You: tell me about it, one minute he's grabbing my hips and the next he's ruffling my hair and treating me like a kid. It's very confusing.

Marco: He's the King of mixed signals.

You: Tell me about it.

Whitebeard: Listen, I'm bored and itching for a good fight, so I'm going to hold you here to draw Shanks here. But while you are here how about my boys and I give you a few lessons and help you with your training.

You: Do I have a choice?

Whitebeard: uh-uh

You: fine then, but I want a room to myself.

Whitebeard: I'll have a guest room prepared for you, but let's figure out your skill level in the meantime?

You: uh, sure I guess.

Whitebeard: Ace, get em

Ace: *Jumps at you with his swords from one of the sail yards*

You: *shrieks like a lunatic as you evade his rapid attacks*

Whitebeard: Good good, you're really light on your feet for a rookie.... st-... Stop running away and fight!

List of Up-and-coming works

Support me on Kofi and Patreon

[eschergirls]

Dec. 2024 Update & Patreon Thank You!

Hi everyone!  November is over, so it's time for our monthly Escher Girls site update and to thank all our wonderful Patreon subscribers & others who have supported us!

No major updates this month, I've been dealing with a health thing, so major site changes were paused a little, but as a reminder, I have improved the submission page for those who don't want to submit or Tumblr or don't want to link their Tumblr to their submission. As a reminder, if you don't click that it is okay for me to reply to your email address, you won't get a reply if there's something wrong with your submission or I otherwise don't post it for not fitting criteria reasons/not being able to find a source.

As usual, I've spent a lot of time this month fixing up old broken posts, cleaning them up to fix formatting errors, adding sources to them, and adding screenreader descriptions to all the images. I've also fixed up the Tumblr versions of those posts, and linked them to and from the EscherGirls.com posts.

Some of the highlights that of what I've fixed up this month that people might want to check out are:

The cover of Spider-Woman pregnant and also in a Tetris/centaur pose from Spider-Woman vol. 6 #1

This screenshot from a knock-off "Barbie" dress-up doll game with an equally horrifying pregnant "Barbie" (and a creepy Ken)

Yet Another Unfortunate Avengelyne Cover from Avengelyne vol. 4 #3

A white-washed Tiger Lily in a painful boobs and butt pose from Grimm Fairy Tales: Neverland - Hook #3

Two Tetris girls washing a car from Grimm Fairy Tales: The Dreameater Saga part 1

Yet More Psylocke from Marvel Age #104

Boobs and butt Alice from Alice in the Country of Diamond

And two pictures from Dragon's Crown of the Sorceress and the Amazon

All the posts should be cross-linked between the Tumblr and the main site if you want to check out what the comments on the other site were, etc...

And now I want to give a big thank you to Escher Girls' Patreon subscribers for November! I really appreciate the support, especially during these times that are rough for everybody. Your support helps me pay for web-hosting, keeping the domain name, and for site upgrades and updates, as well as just helping me keep the site going in general. It also allows me to keep Escher Girls up even if something happens to Tumblr or their policies change again, so I really appreciate it. <3

So without further delay, thank you SO much to:

Anne Adler Cat Mara Chris McKenzie Em Bardon First Time Trek Greg Sepelak Karrius Ken Trosaurus Kevin Carson Kim Wincen Leak  Manuel Dalton Mary Kuhner Max Schwarz Miriam Pody Morgan McEvoy randomisedmongoose Rebecca Breu Ringoko  Ryan Gerber Sam Mikes Sean Sea SpecialRandomCast  Thomas 

And a very very special thank you to JohnnyBob8 again for buying me another coffee on Ko-Fi!!!

And also a big thank you to everybody who reads and interacts with the blog in general! Your comments, feedback and interactions like with the caption contest are really a highlight of my day every day, especially this month when I've been having a rough time irl. You're the reason this site is still going :3

Thank you and I hope everybody has a great holiday season,

Ami

PS: As a reminder, we added a button that links to the Escher Girls Tumblr and to our RSS feed for those who want to follow that way. (For newbies, RSS stands for Really Simple Syndication and is basically a feed you can read using an RSS reader. Simply copy and paste https://eschergirls.com/rss.xml into an RSS reader and it will keep you up to date on Escher Girls!)

Make sure it is eschergirls.com and not eschergirls.tumblr.com, as that is Tumblr, and not the self-hosted site.

If you have any issues with the site or suggestions to improve it, please do not hesitate to contact me and let me know!

If you wish to support Escher Girls, you can subscribe to our Patreon at: https://www.patreon.com/ami_angelwings or donate through Ko-Fi at: https://ko-fi.com/amiangelwings.

[kathrinesadventures]

Hey everyone! I'm Katherine, the Author of Femboy Dating Simulator and Lost in your eyes! Both of them Interactive, and both of them varying degree of "WTF?"

So for first, my proudest and most dedicated accomplishment!:

"Lost in Your Eyes: A Dark Fantasy Romance Book" 

Step into a modern world where you play the lead in a city overflowing with supernatural beings who face animosity and persecution from humans. As you navigate through branching plotlines and encounter a cast ofcharacters, three individuals rise as potential love interests. (Technically 4 now. Might get 5)

Do you choose the worrisome yet charming werewolf, An intimidating but protective healer, the shy and clingy vampire, or the sadistic and seductive mage? The decision is yours, but beware, the danger is around every corner. As you grapple with your troubled past and confront the darkness within, you may realize that your greatest adversary is yourself. Can you find love, redemption, and the courage to save those you've lost or will your obsessions and desires consume you, leading to the downfall of society as you know it?

Introducing, A shy, cute, and extremely JEALOUS, Marcus/Melissa Blaine!

The next one on the spot is the mischievous. impish and just a horndog, Vivian/Vale Valentine!!

Or the calm and cool, but possessive Elizabeth/The reserved, protective John.

And next!

Femboy dating Simulator

Have you ever wanted to play pokemon but wanted to have characters that were humanoid so you wouldn't get blamed for bes***** for wanting to have seggs with them while also loving the characters for who they are and not for their bodies?

Well you've come to the wrong place! ish- I don't know what the hell I'm saying so I'll just copy paste the thingy because my brain is literally slurry paste right now ;-;

Femboy dating simulator! Where you start out as a soldier, a fashion artist, or a CEO of a massive company!

....

Who-dies-once-they’ve-reached-the-peak-of-career-and-the-peace they-were-supposed-to-enjoy-is-ripped-away-from-them.

But don’t fret! You’ve been looked after by a kind goddess who feels that you’ve been wronged and thus gives you a second chance! She delivers you to another world. Her world. This is where things get spicy! You’ve been bestowed with a Rift walker. A creature who is summoned through a rune placed on your body. Each rune summons a different Rift walker and your job is to make a team of the strongest familiars, get to know them, date em, etc etc. But also, most importantly train and bond with them. Your familiarity will be the strongest with how good your relationship is with itthem. So who will you choose?

Laurel? The calm, hard to figure out, brawler?

Thor? The kind, caring and mature muscle daddy? (Yes, I call him daddy cause he daddy material)

The MC’s best friend! (Or close friend depending on which ground you choose) Is he a he or a she? I DON’T KNOW!

And Noah! (Not yet implemented, but you can beat his ass and make him your slave!) (Tumblr won't let me post pictures for some reason, so I'll post link!)

Play Femboy Dating Simulator

Play Lost in your eyes

If you enjoy my content, and want to support me (or help with more arts lol) My Patreon, or Ko-fi!!

I now have a Discord!!

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 2/20/2024

i don't usually use these writeups as a memory aid, but this week it's good bc most of last week was a blur of applying to jobs and playing breath of the wild

listening

i have several playlists that are several hours long with a couple different flavors of the really specific kind of instrumental music i need to do mass quantities of data entry. these are now all poisoned by horrible memories of my last two jobs so i'm slowly building new ones. a great candidate is OASIS, off the REDLINE soundtrack. REDLINE (2009, dir. Koike) is an extremely horny anime movie about driving really fast, being true to yourself in spite of corporate overlords, sports betting, and fucking.

i think this was a scene with background club or cafe music? electronica instrumental with a little bit of a groove and a very particular mid-aughts sound. you know when powder coating is extremely matte but also extremely sparkly? spotify.

-

reading

Samantha Cole (previously Vice, co-founder of 404 Media) has a beat that's focused on sex tech, sex work, deplatforming of sex work, and kink community beefs that manages to be both detached and very, very kind. i trust her to write about any kink community in a respectful and fair way, and even when she visibly doesn't understand the appeal of a kink she writes about them in a respectful and fair way. a great example of this is the furry adult baby diaper community being deplatformed by patreon.

but her most recent investigation, "can this shitty vibrator actually give you malware?" is fascinating. any job that can legitimately claim vibrators as a buisness expense and perform a teardown is fascinating to me.

what a tremendous and endlessly fascinating world we live in.

-

watching

there are many movies on tubi that i have like. name recognition of but have never actually seen, so i'm starting to work my way through things that aren't noir or obscure westerns. like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000, dir. Lee).

the practial effects in this movie are insane. the wirework is insane. wirework insane. this is the dreamiest and most beautiful chase/fight scene i've ever seen and they're zipping around a bamboo forest.

we're going to have to live with this imperfect screenshot ok this laptop is Extremely old. the interior sets often look like theater sets (complimentary). just a stunningly beautiful movie with the sickest action scenes you’ve ever seen. plot a little choppy but forgivable imo. i know this is regarded as one of the finest movies of all time, not just one of the finest martial arts movies of all times, so saying anything feels a little like giving it a dollar store plastic trophy. i liked it and i had fun. watching a critically acclaimed non-american good movie is good for the brain steeped in lackluster american westerns, i think.

-

playing

much like in real life, in breath of the wild i am refusing to do much towards the main quest and am mostly puttering around looking for shit to upgrade my outfits.

unlocked rudania, did not go inside.

what's with this little. sword graveyard??? on the northeastern edge of the caldera??? the only thing on that island is an octorok?? did it kill like eight guys???

finished richard scarey's tarreytown :) including that horrible rich guy who wanted me to kill some guardians for ??? reasons. i am pretty confident about killing hinox (is the plural of hinox, hinox?), wizzrobes, and most lizalfos if i can get the drop on em but i am Not confident about killing actively moving guardians without guardian arrows, which is an expensive way of doing business. due to reliably one-shotting the wizzrobes with revali's bow, i am running into the interesting problem of always having a glut of magical weapons. which leads me to go fuck around the extreme hot and cold areas those magic weapons are good for. and less fucking around the normie areas i actually want to fuck around.

got the good sword at thirteen hearts, i stopped short at twelve hearts gone and the deku tree called me a pussy. i unfontunately did not screenshot that. hey did you know there's a korok on the deku tree's head whose life's purpose seems to be riddles?

:(

and now for quite a lot of horse talk.

dodged like four lynels taking Ganon's horse up the northern edge of the map to get a pic of the leviathan.

caught the white horse, we are such pretty pretty princesses together. i think it's very funny that the gerudo fanciest weapons and hylian royal regalia look so similar. purple and gold eternal.

did you know if you feed your horse an endura carrot you get extra spurs???

i was looking for a 5 star speed horse but after catching and releasing four different solid black horses this is the best one (4 str, 4 speed, 5 stamina) i found. maybe I’ll shoot for a bright chestnut with lots of chrome for my speedy horse, the equine equivalent of a red convertible.

very funky conincidence on the grasslands behind the lord of the mountain's spring. not identical, bc the lead horse doesn't have facial markings, but what are the odds of that huh. i wish grays in this game didn't look so chalky and washed out, i love a gray horse in real life.

i think it's some bullshit that you have to fight your way into this spring, get told "go get a dragon scale", deal with all that, fight your way BACK into the spring, and then be presented with a Major Test of Strength shrine. c'mon just give it to me!!!

game continues to be very bad at spitting out riders next to horses or donkeys EXCEPT!!! for this doctor. i didn't know hyrule had traveling doctors! i quite honestly didn't think they had the techonology, given that the state of medicine in hyrule is very mortar and pestle based!

the game gave me a tooltip like "make friends with dogs! they'll lead you to treasure!" and i was like What but it does actually work, you just have to target them in the camera first and then feed them several hunks of meat. bonkers game. how many other goddamn mechanics are there that i've missed???

next steps: shrine hunting. i have like 50 out of 120 which is wild to me. i played this game two years ago, got to about a hundred shrines, and managed to forget where they all fucking are. yes my shrine sensor is always on. there's probably at least twenty in central hyrule, which is not a place i touched much on my list playthrough, also the last two memories i need are in there. i have filled out a good chunk of the compendium (completely filled the materials pages) but idk if i will be a completionist about it. there are so so so so so many weapons variants. i am cheating a bit and looking up the animals i missed (mostly a lot of bugs and fish) but one of the entries is for patricia, the royal sand seal. i would not have ever thought to take a picture of the named sand seal, i'm sorry game but that's a bit obtuse.

-

making

not much progress on the cross stitch or job fronts, but since i finally have a balcony, i planted peas and beans from @shiny-good-rock and basil from @morrak than have been languishing in a box for several years, the basil had an okay germination rate so my fingers are crossed re: peas and beans.

i am a bit annoyed about marigolds. maybe it's a bit too early for them here, or maybe they're not as popular as they were in the northeast? i tried like five different big box stores and indie nurseries, only one indie nursery had any and they were very pest-ridden. i would like marigolds, as friends for my tomatoes.

it is currently 11:40 PM CST as i type this so tomorrow i'll add something with a garden layout and what varieties i planted.

[bullet-prooflove]

Hi~~ Hope you're well! I obviously had to come back in your ask after that cliffhanger with Scola's story!! I imagine Stuart is going to do everything possible to save her, he doesn't want to lose someone he loves again like he did with Doug. So, here's the prompt I thought would match the story: number 24 "Now light a match, stand back, watch 'em explode". I chose this one bc reader works (worked?) as a explosive expert if I remember correctly (?) Please and thank you for your great writing you share with us daily <3

Club Night - Stuart turns up at the club you're at with some surprising information.

Surrender - You surrender to the enemy.

Must Be Love - Stuart wakes up to a nightmare.

The thing about you and Stuart is that even before you became a couple you both worked well together. Whenever your paths crossed on a case there was always a synchronicity, you were so in tune with each other OA had called it spooky.

It’s taken you almost two hours to get the cuff on your wrists into the exact position you need it to be so that can dislocate your thumb. Everybody thinks that it’s the joint at the curve of your hand you need to dislocate but it’s but it’s actually much lower, the one just above your wrist. It’s taken you this long to get into everything in place because the stress position you’re in has restricted your mobility.

You know what’s going to happen as soon as Wallace yanks Stuart’s head back. He’s going to slit his throat and force you to watch the blood drain right out of him. That can’t happen, you won’t let it happen.

You take a deep breath through your nose because this is going to hurt like a bitch. You let your knees buckle, exerting just the right amount of pressure in the right place. The agony lances through the cartilage, the silver tape over your mouth muffling your scream as your hand slips out of the cuff.

“I’m going to cut your throat and make her watch as you bleed out all over this floor.” Wallace says as he guides the knife along the underside of Stuart’s jaw.

It’s Stuart’s smile that throws him off, the subtle shift of his lips.

“You underestimated her.” He tells the armsdealer before the handcuff chain wraps his throat. “You underestimated me too.”

His foot lashes out, catching Wallace in the knee. The crack echoes through the tiled room like a gunshot as his leg goes out from underneath him, giving you the leverage you need to tighten your grip on the chain.

It’s harder than you think to choke a person out, you have to apply continuous pressure over a small period of time. You’re injured and exhausted, and Wallace, he fights like hell. It takes longer than you’d like and just when you feel your grasp beginning to slip, Wallace’s entire frame goes limp.

You shove him to the floor, his body collapsing into a heap at your feet before you lean over it, hands rifling through his pockets searching for the handcuff key and Wallace’s phone.

“My hero.” Stuart utters as you undo the cuffs on his wrists. He exhales in relief, the muscles in his shoulders protesting as he shifts. The agony hits him in a wave, pain searing through his chest as you guide him back into the seat.

“Stay still for me alright?” You say softly, your thumb lightly caressing his shoulder as you bring up the number for the FBI field office on Wallace’s phone. “I’m gonna get us some help.”

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@kmc1989 @trublu2u @greenies-green @burningpeachpuppy @upsteadlogic @malindacath @yezzyyae

[cyberrat]

86th Batch Of Fics: 10th Fill

Gus/Sam/Willy – cont of patreon fic – Part ½ – punishment; sam in stocks; public usage – Sam has committed a crime and has to serve the time :)

(The first part of this is a patreon fic sooo... become a patron (5€ or 7€ tier) if you want to read that :) )

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Time creeps up on Sam. He would have thought that being locked in the stocks and fucked for hours on end by all kinds of guys would be an ordeal that he’d never forget, but one moment it’s early morning and the next it is late afternoon and by the life of him he couldn’t say whose had a go at him.

Not everybody made it obvious, after all. Some just came – hehe – and went again without speaking. Hell, some could have fucked him twice even. Maybe Clint had a little break half-way through and came back to pump out another load?

Sam’s hole certainly is swollen enough that he would not have realized that the blacksmith with the fat cock had given him another round.

He’s just suitably sure that Mister Mulner and Morris did not come back for a ride but only because they wouldn’t have been quiet about it. He thinks. They enjoyed too much taunting him.

The sun is warm on his back but not burning him. The stocks also helps him be upright. Somewhat, that is. Obviously. He’s forced to stand bent over but at least he can relax his knees a little bit from time to time-

“Oh dear. Poor boy. You’ve been at it for a while now, haven’t you? Are you thirsty? Hungry?”

A shadow falls over Sam’s head. At first he doesn’t even recognize the voice; all he does is stare at the front of the dark green slacks of the guy that appeared, immediately wanting to suck dick.

After a second or two, he does look up though. It’s Gus who looks remarkably unperturbed by the situation Sam is in.

“I… uh…” He has to cough a little, suddenly aware of just how parched his throat has become. In Gus’ elbow he’s got a large basket hanging and the scents coming from it are mouth watering. Oh fuck, Sam is starving.

“Well I’ll be!”

Before Gus can reply to Sam’s stuttering, there’s another voice piping up behind him. This time his brain is faster to supply him with a name – if only because he can smell the scent of fish. Willy.

“Been a dog’s age since I last saw someone in the stocks. Aye, that brings up some memories. Nice ‘ns, mind. It’s a good tradition. Builds character, as my pappy used t’ say.”

Gus slowly puts his basket of goods down on the ground. Sam stares at it. There’s a dainty little napkin spread out over the top, denying him a view of the contents; but it still gets his mouth watering something fierce.

The barkeep wanders around him, apparently more interested in Willy now than to feed and water the ‘poor boy’.

“That so? I think I heard the Mayor speak about it once or twice but I didn’t think he was being for real…”

“Thought he was just horny, did ya?” Willy replies, sounding very tickled by it all. There’s a gentle tap at the small of Sam’s back, though from how warm and smooth it is he thinks it might have been the belly of Willy’s pipe, casually knocked against him.

“Aye it was a nice tradition. Stopped about a handful o’ years before you came to town, methinks. Why, sometimes I’d be actin’ up just to give ‘em a reason to punish me!”

They both laugh. Sam tries to wrap his head around a younger Willy, maybe even around his own age, getting locked up in the stocks and fucked. It’s pretty much impossible to fathom. Not because of the stocks… but just because a young Willy seems weird.

No, the stocks is… well uh… he kind of enjoys it.

A lot.

A whole fucking lot.

Enough so that he starts to whine and angle his ass back. The two abruptly fall silent in surprise. There’s a second of quiet in which Sam muses that it’s a good thing he’s started feeling slutty while Gus and Willy were around. Those two were without a doubt the nicest about it. Well, them and Harvey.

But Harvey wouldn’t be caught on the town square fucking a whore. Though the way they positioned the stocks, he’s been able to look right at the clinic and see the blinds flick an awful lot…

“Well I suppose he’s right! No time like the present, or what say you, old pal?”

“Aye. We’ve been awfully rude, I think. The way I remember it, you just want to keep going and going and going…”

Willy trails off. Sam is basically vibrating on the spot, nervous and excited in equal measures. He’s never much thought about fucking either of them, but then again, he hadn’t thought about fucking old Mister Mulner either and that’s been kinda… yeah. He kinda liked it? The whole… insulting thing?

Someone has stepped close to his back. He cranes his neck and tries to see but it is impossible with the wooden board in the way. A warm cock is slapped against the small of his back and slowly fucked against his spine and the top of his ass crack. After just a couple passes it leaves behind a fine, sticky trail.

It feels heavy, he thinks. Not that he’s had a lot of situations where someone just hot dogged his ass. Yeah though… it’s Gus, right? Right.

“Shit,” he whispers under his breath, letting his head hang and angling his ass further up. He forgets all about being hungry and thirsty in favor of a nice fuck being practically dangled in front of his nose.

“Ah. I came at just the right time,” Willy chuckles. He sounds pleased as pie. “The lad’s pussy has been well and truly taken care of. Very well lubed, aye. Just perfect to slide… right in.”

The cock moves down, glans poking at the small of Sam’s back, then sliding even further down and slipping between his ass cheeks. His mouth opens in a whorish little ‘o’. He blinks slowly. There are shoes in front of him again, then knees and then Gus’ face. The bartender gently pats his cheek while Willy is sliding into his hole in one slow, luxurious push.

“AAhh… creamy and warm. You got a wonderful little peach on you, lad. Any sailor’s dream, I tell you that!”

Sam opens his mouth but all that comes out is a whining little moan. He’s fucked around with Sebastian before but this amount of cock is completely unprecedented – and he finds that he is quickly getting addicted to it.

Big cock? Small cock? Straight? Crooked? He doesn’t fucking care. It turns out that getting dicked down is what matters most. Will he never again smear the walls of the bathhouse with permanent marker?

Uh… they’ll have to just see. He might have to come up with better things in the future. Stuff that nets him an even longer time in the stocks. If the guys are willing to fuck him over like this during the day – what will they do at night when everything is nice and dark? The thought of Morris coming back with nobody around and the darkness to conceal the shit he gets up to… Sam gets a bit woozy thinking about it.

It’s a good thing that Gus and Willy are there now. They’re kind. They’re grounded. They can calm Sam’s frying nerves.

He thinks.

[fedoraspooky]

Are you both planning on continuing cryptidsofwakemoor anytime soon? .u. No rush of course, I'm just curious what happens next! Charlie's nightmare in the last part was so intense, I cant wait to see the moment it sinks in for the poor guy that he's finally safe. Tikki has been so kind and understanding to him despite going through a lot herself and just aaaaa my heart ;u; Sorry to be a bother, I've just really been enjoying it so far. I rarely ever leave Ao3 for reading, but Charlie reminds me of a comfort character of mine so I'm glad I gave the story a chance! Now I want to see them heal from their respective traumas together!

Omigosh anon pls you are not a bother, you have no idea how happy it makes me to see someone enjoying our story!! Especially when its ocs, it kind of feels like posting into the void sometimes. TwT; That's part of why I make illustrations for it, in hopes I can catch a few eyes. (The other part is that I wanna make em because these characters are fun to draw XD and there's some future parts of the story in particular that I REALLY wanna draw)

But to answer your question, Mystic and I have a lot more written, and I plan to post more chapters soon, once I can get illustrations made! This month has just been A Lot since i'm trying to work on art fight revenges (i have a handful sketched but still need to ink and color), finish the monthly secret drawing for my patreon, and was out of town for my dad's funeral for part of it. Not to mention I've still been searching and applying for work, oof... I've been a bit scrambled to say the least .w.

So thank you and everyone else who's stuck around for your patience! I will have more art stuff and story stuff to post soon! >w<

[vangold]

As promised here comes the first chapter - or better said actually the Prologue Chapter of The Grand Escape :3

Heh, been a while since I did this bit. Yet I'm still rather satisfied how the coloring turned out. Not perfect, but I think I hit the pattern pretty much on point. Color patterns and the drawing medium in general are gonna be a big part of this comic series. We're gonna hopp through quite a few Universes during Syrus' story and I must say I always loved this idea of each Verse having a bit of a different color pattern, medium or even drawing style. I was already experimenting around a bit with this kinda stuff during An Ideal Brother - giving each Verse a major color. Here however I'm going a few steps further, as you can see both on Jazztale at the end - where I mainly used it's usual good old ink and Farber Castel-Pit Marker combo and Blue Falls, that was just almost only made with my good old vibrant af Ecolines. Yes, I said Blue Falls. This actually isn't just Gravity Falls with Bill Cipher masquerading as Sans it is its very own Undertale/Gravity Falls crossover verse. We might get to see a little bit more of this in the future ;)

For now, you might wonder what Bill did there anyway to our unfortunate Star Sanses? In terms of Ink easily explained. As you probably know as 'em Undertale Multiverse veterans you are Ink basically is a Hollow who however is able to experience feelings by absorbing colors of ink. This can be easily abused tho, just like Bill did here be throwing WAY too many different, unfitting colors at once after him. In other terms, he has to fight down an overstimulation over there.

In terms of Dream in the meantime: While he needs the happy and positive sentiments like we need food, those feelings usually don't affect Dream. Otherwise he would be constantly high on an overdose of serotonin.......which is the situation we have here. Which is why he ends up puking out his own life source.

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Main Cover

Chapter 1

Chapter 2 - Coming soon (You can get early access to the already done pages on my patreon!)

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--- Other Comics related to this one: ---

An Ideal Brother

Jazztale

Much Ado About Nothing

The Trial

--- Wanna support your humble artist? ---

| Deviant Art | Ko-Fi | Patreon | Instagram | Bluesky | YouTube | Cara | IO |

[risingshards]

Writing Year in Review 2024 Part 1: Wins and Defeats

Doing this a bit earlier than the 31st but I pretty much have the gist of things. On paper this should be a year I should be celebrating writing-wise. I got my first print book deal (for a nonfiction junior book not like big doorbuster fantasy deal but still!) and my first premium web novel in Reborn in a Fighting Game with My Rival.

I should be doing a victory lap but I just feel like I failed. In my most recent meeting with my writing workshop someone said I must be feeling great with the year I had, but internally I was like, I don't feel like I had a great year. I'm gonna try to weave in some good vibes but this is gonna be yet another mopey post in a year filled with em I have a feeling.

✅ for wins and ❌ for things I feel like I failed on.

✅I was able to keep up with a bunch of projects at once. While writing Reborn, I kept writing Rising Shards, and took on an extra challenge in trying for an action fantasy web novel contest in Lost Hero. A half point off on this because juggling everything put me very far behind and keeping up with writing and work was tough.

❌Readership woes. I don't want to sound ungrateful at ALL for the wonderful amazing and kind readers I have, but on a sheer numbers level this year was rough. Watching Rising Shards lose 50% or more of its readership hurts, and I'm not sure what exactly I did, or if I did anything, but you know I'm gonna overthink it.

I had a month of short interlude chapters to give myself break last January and views fell off, maybe that did it. Maybe the arc I chose to pursue this year wasn't the right one. Maybe RS is just too long now and people fell off and there's no hope of getting them back with the kind of story I want to write. Maybe I'm not getting featured anymore which boosted my views. Maybe I just fucking suck at convincing people to read my work. I would guess it's a mix of everything there but I have this need to keep going with Rising Shards even though it's super duper long now. It's my comfort series and they're my comfort characters, and I'm a firm believer in a primarily slice of life series that goes really long being a potential source of comfort for others. I still have a ways to go on it so I hope I can get my numbers up so I don't get depressed about it every so often.

✅I wrote a nonfiction book that will be in print soon. This project was so tough to work on and I don't know if I'll share it on here since it was through a local publisher, but soon I'll have a book that I wrote in print.

❌The Lost Hero. My action fantasy contest entry didn't get much traction and didn't advance in the contest. It was such a sprint getting it done but sad to have come short, and in hindsight thinking about it, I made so many mistakes writing it that I didn't really deserve to even make it to round two.

❌Projects I wanted to get to but couldn't. While I did get three going at once, there was still a bunch I didn't make as much progress on as I wanted. I've been trying to do a Patreon exclusive series forever but made zero progress on that (and made negative progress on my Patreon sigh), and had some other series I wanted to work on.

✅Reborn in a Fighting Game with My Rival. My big win of the year, a dream come true. I entered this series into Tapas' romance web novel contest last year and it made the top 50 and was picked up. I am 95% done with the series and am writing the ending now (Obligatory note that I want to do a Season 2 or a sequel someday), and it has been such a pleasure to work on even when it got tough. The staff from Tapas has been so cool and supportive and understanding of the writers and I am incredibly grateful for this opportunity. The day it launched will forever be a special day to me.

So more losses than wins. The wins were pretty big, but the losses sting really hard. Overall, I should be proud of how I did last year, juggling three series, having my first premium series, etc. but I feel more disappointed in myself than anything. I hope I can use these feelings to push forward and pull something amazing off, but for now I feel like I tripped and fell into the trenches and have to figure out how to get back on my feet.

Part 2 here

Part 3 here

[popculturebuffet]

Sam and Max Save the World Retrospective: Culture Shock (Patreon Review for WeirdKev27)

It's time to hit the road you happy people as we've got a hot new retrosepctive courtsey of Kev set to run through next year using his Patreon reviews as I finally play a game i've wanted to play for close to two decades now: Sam and Max Save the World!

For all .. two of you reading this who don't know what Sam and Max is, Sam and Max is a multimedia franchise with a very simple core: A large dog man and his diminutive rabbit sidekick/bestfriend/husband/hired goon go around engaging in ultra violence, shenanignas and what have you to solve assorted cases. This simple framework is an excuse for the two to engage in hilaroius one liners, absurdist slapstick and whatever else can be crammed in. It's likely why the franchise has both endured and has such a sizeable fanbase: You only need the two main characters to make a sam and max story and they can get up to just about anything.

Sam and Max was created by Steve Purcell….'s brother. Yeah his brother Dave made the two as a kid and being a bit of a stinker, Steve made what were basically parodies of them. Eventaully he'd fleshed them out so much and drawn so many full on comics with them beyond just taking a shot at his brother as big brothers tend to do (Mine has called me stalin, what can you do?), Dave gifted him the characters one birthday. Purcell has one heck of a career in video games in animation, having made the first three monkey island games, manic mansion and of course, sam and max hit the road. He's also friends with Mike MIngola of Hellboy fame and X-Men and countless other comics legend and Longshot creator Art Adams.

His biggest legacy though is a franchise I should've visited way sooner but seems like it was made for me: Sam and Max: Starting in comics ala the Tick, while Purcell's creation hasn't had a huge number of works, the quality vastly outstrips the quantity: we have the original comcis which I intend to both read and cover at some point and have this panel so we're already off to a good start

There's a tv series i've seen a decent chunk of that's utterly brilliant and sadly didn't get the 8 seasons it deserved but the one it has is pretty good. It even features a few guest apperances from The RedGreen Show's Patrick McKenna, as Norm THE FRIEND FOR LIFE, who if they make something else sam and max at some point will hopefully come back.

One of the biggest attractions for our heroes though is games. One of their bigger projects was Sam and Max Hit The Road, coming about because Purcell had already made models for the two for some training software for LucasArts and they wanted a full game after how well his previous work had gone out, wanting more ips.

This SHOULD have lead to sequels, but Purcell's first attempt sputtered out for some reason. The second is a bit more troubled, as Lucasarts did not only make a new game but have it almost finished… until Lucasarts pulled the plug. Yeah canning something that's almost finished and could make you money isn't a new phenomina, Warner Bros has simply taken it to new douchey heights.

The fan's reactoin.. was a predictable as it was 100% accurate

This was part of a larger issue as Lucasart was phasing out adventure games, and thus laid off a bunch of it's staff. A bunch of them decided to quit and founded Telltale Games.

The team waited until LucasArts liscene experid as they refused to give it up for no explicable reason, doing csi and texas hold em games, but as soon as it was up Purcell offered it to them immeditly and we were off to the races.

Save the World was also one of the very first games to use an episodic release. Such a release isn't seen often nowadays with companies preferring to do updates or dlc instaed, but at the time it was a brilliant model as downloadbale games were still new, and while there wasn't a gurantee the game would finish (as seen sadly with an attempt to make a game out of Jeff Smith's bone) you still got something and as far as I could tell coudl pay as you went. The model was iffy.. but ended up wildly succeeding as Save the World was a rousing success, making telltale a juggernaut for the next few years. I personally remember, since I co9udln't install the game, playign the back to the future game religously and i'm curious to check out the batman one at some point.

The bottom eventually did fall out due to crunch and other such bullshit, but but thankfully for the current gen of consoles Skunkape games, made up of former telltale employees, was born and so far has mostly focused on remastering those games, wtih a third set for this year. So since i'm long overdue to finally enjoy some ultra violence and adventure gaming with these two, kev bought me the remasters for Save the World and Beyond Time and Space, with plans to get the Devils Playhouse when it comes out to play through and review every month. So with all that possibly needless but still vital expostion out of the way what kind of game did we get? Find out with me under the cut as our heroes deal with some Culture Shock, washed up 70's stars, boxing gloves, and more for episode 1!:

Presentation wise.. this game is majestic as an eagle or that time max caused an international incident by hitting said eagle with a pistrami and crowbar sandwitch to save america from the ghost of william henry harrison. The game looks crisp and the world nicely lived in, even if you'll mainly juts be going between the duo's delapadated office, their friend Sybil's psycharcy office or whatever it is this week and Bosco's Inconveince for cheese and assault rifles. The music is simple but nicely fits.

The voice acting is excellent despite being filled with actors i'd never heard of, mostly working in the adventure game genre. The Cast does a PHENOMINAL job. David Nowlin does a terrific job of Sam getting his deadpan down just perfect while Andrew Chakin does a great job as max though he's replaced by a questoin mark for the rest of the series. The two play off each other perfectly, as they should and the rest of the cast isn't too shabby either with Oggie Banks and Amy Provenzero doing a great job as Bosco, the team's suplier, conspiracy theorist and Sam's surrogate father, and Cybil, a woman who changes careers more than her hair and serves as a friend and ally of the duo in the telltale games. The result is a game that has the lively energy of a cartoon while oftne lacking it due to the format.

Finally we have the core of any comedy, how funny it is.. and for me at least.. this may be one of the most hilarious things i've ever seen and i'm only on chapter 1. While the angaonitst aren't the best and we'll get to why in a second, it's thorughly compesnated for by our main heroes just unleashing a near nonstop barrage of great lines. IT's to the point I can't remember half of them simply because they come in so fast and there's smuch. Even tv tropes crowning moment of funny page only has a fractoin. It's probably the funniest video game i've ever played and i'm only on part one. If I miss a joke it's not out of malice but more because there's hundreds.

So with all the tehcnical stuff out of the way, we're on to the case itself. Well sorta first we get a very simple but welcome tutorial, mostly because as will become clear this is only my second adventure game. I played the first chapter of telltale batman.. but that's ore like a visual novel with some quicktime events, at least as far as I got. This is a full on classic use crap in your inventory to solve shit gameplay.

I played it on switch and while I admit a point and click like this is probably better played on a pc, ironically despite relying on it to write this very review.. it really can't game. While the Skunkape remasters arne't that intesntive I got this pc entirely because the graphics card was wonky, meaning I can cover 16 bit or so games, and likely other old pc games like Sam and Max Hit The Road, but I have ot be careful going too high up as I need this thing to do my job.

The controls are decent.. it can be frustrating having to wait for sam to be in position to click on something, but it's easy enough to scroll and dosen't slowdown gameplay too much, making it a fine option if you only have a console, especially this port as you can take it with you which granted is a plus for any switch port but given how easy it is to break up gameplay here outside of cut scenes, it's perfect for it , provided you have some headphones as while the game is fine without them, as I learned while you can play the game without sound it's just better with the voice acting.

Okay so now i'm done being a lying liar who lies we can REALLY get to things as the first task sets it up. One of your inventory items is Sam's gun, and to bribe their rat Jimmy Two teeth to give them their phone back, you have to shoot up a closet full of cheese just under jesse james hand to give them holes. It's also where my inexperince set in as I didn't realize part of the point of an adventure game is "Try everything you have in your inventory" so I didn't think the gun was something I coudld use till it came to me.

With that we get our case, Bosco who runs the inconvience store, it's actual name, has had some weirdo delivering free videos to his store and wants you to stop it. Before I do though I find someone comitting some grafitti and since threats of violence don't seem to sway the little middle aged scamp and he just runs if you try to use your gun, you have to do the one thing a policeman hates most.. actually talking to the suspect. Turns out the culprit is Specs, one of the soda poppers, a bunch of child stars on a 70's sitcom who have seen better days, and whose grafftotagging our heroes office as a tribute to his hero, brady culture, star of eye-bo and fellow former child star. Since our heroes can't get rid of him for now, or so I thought, we move on to our case where it turns out it's another Soda Popper, Whizzer.

Not that one, we don't want marvel to sue��� no Whizzer is another soda popper and his one character trait is…

Yeah while specs is tolerable, not having much of a personality bu having a decent enough voice the rest of the soda poppers….

Whizzer really is only the gags he can run fast and pee. His voice is annoying, and pee jokes jokes usually take the piss out of a good bit of comedy. They can be gross or just… IT'S PEE LAUGH AT IT, which thankfully Sam and Max falls into more than the former. It's just not funny. And while i'm generally not a fan of pee jokes, you CAN make them work. Observe.

Now this scene is one long pee joke, one the creators were embarassed by… but actually works. Now in itself the intial bit of Little Cato pissing on the ship to mark territory is just gross.. but the fact Gary somehow thinks this is somehow legally binding, and that Clarence instanlly buys into it and order shis own child to start pissing it up, does… and then it wraps around to comedy gold, pun unintended and now regretted, when it turns into a giant war with every one of these idiots (with Nightfall understandably sitting this stuipdity out) getting into some weird pee war, stopping to hydrate and Ash being delighted she has UTI as a result. It's still gross.. but it's also actually funny just for being so entirely stupid, in character, and well thought out.

We can't stop Whizzer for now.. well okay like Specs we could but my dumb ass hadn't figured out how. We do meet bosco whose a delight, a throughly paranoid man whose set up security, gladly tricks sam into triggering it just to get a laugh, and has a great runner of Sam asking "do you have any" only to get a solid nope. I already love bosco and like Sam wish he was my dad. He has a teargas grenade launcher ofr sale for 10,000 dollary doos.

Before I got to the third popper though I actually tried the Eye-Bo, with our heros thankfully not present for the obvious brainwashing, it instead being jimmy two teeth. This leads our heroes to needing to stop him and cultures minons.

It's here I met the third and final and worst soda popper. Yes Whizzer somehow wasn't the worst. We get Peepers. And just starting at the voice..

It is PURE agony to listen to and given any time I tried a weapon it went to a HIGHER pitch, it's pure excuriation. It's this naisly, whiny pain that just digs into your brain. It makes his eventual compuance satisfying, but given he has the most dialouge out of the main trio, and spends it having tied up Sybil in the closet and claming to be her while sounding like louie anderson's clone whose badly melting and swallowed a bunch of hellium. The actual jokes aren't bad and Sybil herself is great, we'll get to her more in a sec, Peepers is pure pain.

So after failing to cave peepers skull in as he richly deserved, I hit the road as you can drive aorund the city aimlessly and pull people over.. and turns out that was th eproblem as, this being post george floyd, I was trying to be senstive and not abuse my power. But in a spoof like this that also clearly does not see the police kindly… that's EXACTLY what I was supposed to do: shoot the tailights out and then extort the 10,000 dollars. Our heroes grossly weild their power.. but that's always been kind of the joke and intentioal or not nicely parodies the real police. Though as Homer Simpson has warned this can have consequences.

This allowed me to buy the gun which is really just a salad shooter with onions in it. And yes that was a real thing and to my shock still is. you can buy one on amazon. I best know it from these bloom county strips

Bosco's works well enough and with that I can FINALLY take my well deserved vengance out on peepers

And I DIDDDD. I got the little bastard to cry and while we sadly didn't see it on screen, Max clubbed his head in with a boxing glove.. not enough to kill him unfortunatiley but we get some info. As you'd expect I have to take out each of the soda poppers to get a piece of the clue. And after trying for ten solid minutes to figure out what I was supposed to do I consulted a guide. And it showed off two vastly diffrent kinds of condrum in an adventure game.

With Whizzer… the solution was actually well laid out and taught me a valuable lesson in patience and really obeseriving things closely when your stuck with an adventure game puzzle. Bosco had mentioned his security system and left a piece of cheese out you coudln't buy, but if you left with would boxing glove you. Earlier i'd also found out Max using the bathroom made whizzer go. So while I had to look up the solution.. it turned out to be pretty clever: put the cheese in whizzers basket of videos while he's in the bathroom. It was satisfying finding it out and more satisfying watching Bosco's security brain the little bastard. It was a solution that while time consuming I probably woudl've been able to figure out, was cleve rand nicely used every facet of the area

In contrast Specs is frustraingly vauge. Finding a pen I figured out one part, you doodle on his grafiti to move him.. but the solution is frustrating. part of it Is I didn't realize the grafiti was on their building, but even with that i'm stumped as to how I was supposed to figure "drop a bowling ball on him from the office"> It taught me sometimes these things take multiple locations.. but also taught me there's no shame in getting help as while i've heard older adventure games have had some way worse puzzles, some are just that difficult.

This however leads into a chase instead which well made up for my frustration as we get a jazzy tune for the crew that's far better than 2/3 of them deserve as you try to shoot out the wheels of Specs car.

And now we're finally free of these guys part of why they don't work, as does main villian brady culture..is what their parodying. It's clear this is a parody of the celebrity culture of the early 2000's, where it was common to make a spectacle of former child stars and other celebrties down on their luck. I mean it's not like child stars can't do horrible things in modern day, just ask drake bell, but after so many former child stars have come out with horror stories, Jenatee Mcurdy's abuse under dan schnder in paticular… it's clear that this just isn't funny any more and never should've been. The Soda Poppers aren't really sympathetic, but it's no longer the easy target it was and thus while the chapter still has merit the main villians fall entirely flat to me. It dosen't help I've been more into 80's, 90's and so on sitcoms, as most 70's sitomcs either werne't avaliable to me as a kid or just weren't funny.

Brady himself is a bit better, being pompous, arrogant and the kind of former star WORTH mocking: someone who was famous for five minutes, whose show got cancleed (as we learn on a where are they now type thing you can optionally watch in the office) in favor of Soda Poppers. He didn't seem to suffer any abuse and thus decided brainwashing was better and pettily made the soda poppers lives even worse just to satisfy his ego. I also like his bits every time a soda popper is clubbed as he enjoys it.. only to realize his plan is unraveling as a result and that's not good.

To actually get into his evil layer though, the Brady Culture Home for Former Child Stars, our heroes have to get admitted and have to be diagnosed with artifical personality syndrome. Symptoms include an obession with money, a violent reaction to dentestry and an unconcious desire to see one peers getting older, so to get comitted we go to Cybil. I took her up on her offer of free psychatricy earlier and honestly while it's easy enough at least for the first two tests to get diagonsed, her tests are worth spending a while just messsing around with. We start with an ink blot test which is full of great answers, followed by a word assicoation where you can just.. react howeve ryou like, though myf aviorite is also the one needed simply pulling out your gun and shooting things. Granted I'm not a fan of a gun in real life… but I also suspect randomly shooting non living objects is something sam and max do for fun anyway, so it's fine here.

The final test is the hardest and the only one I needed help on as it's "your peers aging"… and you have PLENTY of options of stuff ot see from max's head on a plant to bosco as your father figure and mos tof it is hliariously, partly because Sybil is VERY bad at her job and frequently calls you some degree of crazy, and because she's convinced herself max is Sam's imaginary friend despite being both able to see him and interact with him. It's great stuff and like any great time concludes with a jump out a window and Sybil singing off.

Things.. don't go great though as just a few minutes later Sam is brainwashed and giving away tapes. This puzzle took me a second but i'm proud of myself for solving it: you simply grab the cheese and get conked out. The following setpiece is a LOT of fun as you have to take out a bunch of brady culture heads: he's stolen max's body, shown up in the light socket, on the tv and in the closet as a cheese man.

The solutions are all fun: you simply jimmy your antena to shut off the tv, turn the light off to turn off Brady

And most hilarously, make Jimmy Two Teeth giant with a bike pump.. which took a second to figure out but is oh so satisfying when he finally gets messily devoured by a rat. Huh.. I wonder if i'm the one who needs therapy , not sam. Who am I kidding.. we both do.

There's also a puzzle I tried my best to solve but just.. coudln't. You can use the one way sign the boys have ot reverse gravity but I coudln't figure out how to get max's head onto hugh. As it turns out what I was supposed to do was shoot the sign, and once I read that in my guide, it was easy enough to grab the little budy head and thus take my brain back.

With that our hero is free but he has to go rescue max. Problem is to prevent this repeating again we have to figure something out. Thankfully Sybil has some blueprints from a patient for an anti mind control device, who i'm sure will be important later but for this chapter this gross breech of doctor patient confdientiatly nets me what I need and Bosco is able to build it.. and thankfully let us back in after the whole brainwashing incident. What's a good tape delivery between friends eh?

So that leads us to our finale. Using the weird helmet, Sam is able to resist the hypno ray and it seems has a straight shot to brady.. until the soda poppers show up… and immdietly get brainwashed making this climax into an actual puzzle.

Thankfully you can talk to them and there are plenty of fun options from becoming sam to becoming brady to play around with for a while before the actual solutoin: Have them worship you.. then get brady confused enough to order them to attack him instead of "the dog", allowing you to pass through , rescue your little buddy, and have Hugh Bliss blissfully dead. Sadly the Soda Poppers are still alive but you can't have everything I guess. Our heroes have won.. but it' shinted on th etv that this hypno buisness isn't sovled.

Culture Shock is a fun start to thing. Like I said the villians.. are okay. Brady is funny enough thanks to his voice acting, but the soda poppers are one guy whose kinda there.. and two of the most annoying wastes of space and my patience i've ever seen. Especially you peepers, especially you. But the comedy is still at a fever pitch enough to be fun, and theres enough highlights, paticuarlly the second act with the therapy and sam's brain sequences, to make this a solid start. Pick up this game if you haven't and i'll see you next chapter as our heros have to taste the fame to stop another mind control scheme. Until then you can follow me here and on twitter for more shenanigans. Thanks for reading.

[ozimulmakesartwork]

March 2022 - A Newbuck for Your Thoughts

March 2022's Patreon piece. Readmore'd for length. Enjoy!

Beatrix hummed to herself as she fired up the Range Exchange. One of the many Slimes in the yard began chirping along with her, and she couldn't help but chuckle a little as she looked over the requests for the day. 

"Bob" was asking for chickens, as usual. Beatrix was pretty sure everyone knew that "Bob" was a bunch of slimes in a trenchcoat (okay, maybe Viktor didn't), but they'd reached a silent agreement not to say anything as long as they weren't causing real trouble. All the same, she scrolled past the request with a brief, bemused eyeroll.

The other was for Thora West, the rancher who had greeted Beatrix when she'd first arrived at the Far, Far Range. It had been a while since she'd helped Thora - while most of the other ranchers tended to ask for specific things like fruit or plorts, her requests could be a bit... scattershot.

All the more reason to help now, of course. Beatrix tapped Thora's icon on the Range Exchange's screen, opening communications up.  "Hi, Ms. West!"

"I've told you, Thora's fine, Beatrix." The older rancher smiled gently. "Just need a few things if you can spare 'em."

"Yeah, it's no problem! I have a lot of it around the ranch anyway - aside from the Quantum slimes, anyway... but it shouldn't take too long to go fetch them! The carrot patch is nearby, actually, lemme just..."

Beatrix wheeled around, priming her vacpac, and aimed it at her modest patch of carrots. She was long past being surprised that a plain old Earth vegetable was capable of growing out here, light-years away from home. They landed in the tank with a satisfying 'plonk', then sailed from the nozzle just as easily when she pointed the vacpac at the Range Exchange and set it in reverse.

"And the Phosphor plorts you wanted should be..." She scanned over the ranch behind her until she spotted the right pen. "I'll just run on over! " She didn't wait for Thora's response, and dashed over to the slimes in question. They mushed their dopey, grinning faces against the side of the pen to watch Beatrix, and just as lazily fell and rolled away as she dashed back to the Range Exchange to send the plorts along.

"Okay, just the slimes left, right? I'll be right back with -"

"Seems like you're running an awful lot, if how fast you fill out these requests means anything." Thora mused. "What are you running from, exactly?"

Ironically, the question made Beatrix skid to a stop at the ranch's gates, albeit not for long. "The only thing I'm running is late with those Quantum Slimes - gotta go!" she called back over her shoulder.

She hadn't thought about it before, but now that Thora brought it up... it seemed everyone out here was running from something. As she dashed through the Far, Far Range, Beatrix reflected on her fellow ranchers.

Ogden was running from a monster of his own making - he'd told Beatrix the tale after she'd had a particularly rough run through the Wilds. It turned out that he'd run an insta-food company back on Earth, and had grown disillusioned with it as it grew larger and cut more corners to get its products out. 

Ogden hadn't specified his brand, but with how huge he said the company was, Beatrix could make a pretty educated guess. Their food had been everywhere, and there were definitely a few nights where she and Casey had turned to said insta-foods when they had nothing else around. She decided to keep this to herself.

Viktor had been running from people. He'd rather proudly told Beatrix about his simulations, and how they kept him from 'wasting time'.  But he'd also been delighted to realize that the world could surprise him and throw off said simulations, so maybe he wasn't going to be running anymore. It was a nice thought, at least.

Mochi... was an interesting case. From what little she'd actually shared with Beatrix, she had initially been sent here to keep out of family affairs, and had wanted to return to them, rather than be kept at a distance. But now that she'd spent some time on her own, she seemed more than eager to try and surpass the rest of Miles Tech - to escape their legacy and build her own. It was an admirable goal, even if Mochi was kind of a jerk about it sometimes.

Beatrix stepped into the old ruins where Quantum Slimes lurked. She swore she could already hear one faintly buzzing nearby.

Her mind wandered back to Thora's question, and it dawned on her that she didn't really have a good answer for it. Hopefully, she'd forget that she'd asked it in the time it took her to return to the Ranch...

Taking her time heading back wouldn't hurt.

[wordforwordbiblecomic]

NOVEMBER: Christmas Gifts, Portugese Comics, Faith Channel and more

NOVEMBER NEWSLETTER

This month:

Christmas Shopping

Portuguese Bible Comics

Great Commission Card Game Update

The Coloring Book and Acts needs your review

Patreon Hangout

+ more

Christmas Shopping!

The Word for Word Bible Comics make a great Christmas gift. And this year we’ve even got two titles all about Christmas!

Head to our Christmas Shop to see cards, t-shirts and hoodies.

Don’t forget you can save 25% on orders over £50 with discount code FIFTYQUIDPLUS

The Christmas Coloring Factbook

This coloring book features illustrations from the nativity of Jesus alongside historical and biblical facts about Christmas.

£3.99 for one or Just £15.99 for 5

The Christmas Nativity : Word for Word Bible Comic: NIV Translation

The Christmas Nativity has been told and retold probably more than any other story in existence, but many are unbiblical. Here we are presenting the story of Jesus' birth and childhood from the gospels of Luke (1:1-2:52 and 3:23-38), Matthew (1:1-2:23) and John (1:1-14) as one intertwined chronological narrative.

£8.99 FOR ONE, or Just £29.99 for 5

Verso a Verso A Bíblia em Quadrinhos

In 2021 we licenced the rights for BV Books in Brazil to create the Word for Word Bible Comic in Portuguese. I just discovered that they recently launched and are now available and called: Verso a Verso A Bíblia em Quadrinhos

https://www.bibliaversoaverso.com.br/

Great Commission Game: Update

We’ve sent out all the books to backers who have filled in their surveys now, and we’ve been working hard on the game to get it ready for playtesting.

About two weeks ago we went through every card ensuring the abilities were balanced and reflected what they represented well. As a result, we are even more confident that the game will be really fun and get you thinking about real church life.

As an example, the Trouble card “Gossip” used to “Return the member with the lowest Recover Cost to the World”. Now it increases the amount of health damage you take from facedown/hidden Troubles within the church. This makes it more thematic but also interesting as you can get rid of it like normal or you can afford to bear it for a while as long as you don’t have any hidden trouble (sin, conflict etc) in your church, giving you options and strategies on how and when to deal with the issue.

We are printing out a test draft of the cards as we speak and hope to have the full game available for backers to access on Tabletop Simulator in the next week or two. We playtested all the new cards last night and it’s working really nicely. Keep an eye out on your KS update and the Discord channel which will spring to life at that time.

FaithChannel Advert

There’s a relatively new website called FaithChannel, which is like a Christian Netflix that’s growing in popularity. I recently had a meeting with the owners and plan to run adverts on there in the next couple of months to see if we can reach more people with news about the Word for Word Bible Comic.

Acts and The Christmas Coloring Factbook need your Review

The Christmas Coloring Factbook launched in the shops yesterday but has no reviews or even star ratings online yet. If you liked this book and the Book of Acts, please head to Amazon and Goodreads and add your star rating.

https://www.amazon.com/Acts-Apostles-Bible-Comic-Translation/dp/1914299140 https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/205656466-acts-of-the-apostles

https://www.amazon.com/Christmas-Coloring-Factbook-Amadeus-Pillario/dp/1914299159https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/212187699-christmas-coloring-factbook

Patreon Hangout

Soon we will be having a video call with our patrons. It’s a chance to hang out, ask questions and discuss what books are coming on the horizon. If you’d like to be there and you’re not a patron, start supporting today and you can be at our Patron exclusive online meetups.

Other offers

Follow our Social media outlets for updates on offers and unique sale items as we get close to Christmas

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Prayer Requests

Gospels into Prisons: We are partnering again with the OPTIM charity to get many Bible Comics and gospels into UK prisons. This is being augmented by our Kickstarter backers too. Please pray this goes smoothly and God’s Word is life-changing for these inmates! FaithChannel Advert: Please pray this venture is successful and that the video I create for the ad works well with the audience.

Portuguese Versions: Please pray the Portuguese title takes off in a big way. The Action Bible has been having a resurgence in popularity recently and it would be great to get on that wave!

Other Languages: We’ve had slow progress selling the rights to other languages so far, please pray with me that this Portuguese version will be successful and be the first domino in releasing many other languages around the world!

[creativecuteness]

Whitechapel Adventures Origins Remastered: Chapter one: Whitechapel Memories

Author Notes, Last year I promised to remaster the first few entries of my MBAV Fanfiction series if the uncensored version of the movie was found and now that is has, again last year. I figured it's time to follow up on that promise this would've been out last year but after getting locked out of my computer I had to postpone it. But since it's spooky month I knew this would be the perfect time to finally release it. I hope to post a chapter every Wednesday. Can't guaranty it since editing and proofreading takes a bit. That and the fact I have yet to remaster the rest of the story but rest assured it will come. With that said enjoy the very first chapter of one of my first fanfictions.

Ao3, Fanfiction.net, and Patreon links coming soon.

Introduction 

I’ve been having these memories return to me lately. Memories of my childhood days when I was young and innocent. Memories I used to look back on so fondly; now all I feel is bitter resentment at the idiotic mistakes I made with a special person I used to love dearly. I tried so hard to lock them up and forget everything; now it’s like the flood gates have opened and all I can do is accept them. It’s time to confront this emotional confliction and remember a part of my past I never thought I’d ever look at again.

I guess I should probably tell you what got me so worked up in the first place. But first, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Dakota Natalie. Yeah, you’ve probably heard of me. I’ve been traveling around the universe for as long as I can remember, with each adventure being greater than the last. And every story needs a beginning, so here’s this one.

The story I’m about to tell you took place thirteen years ago. I was ten years old at the time.

Chapter 1: Whitechapel Memories

“Come on, Amy, we’re going to be late.” Her younger sister Emily Jones called out, waiting by the door with an inpatient tap of her foot.

“I’ll be there in a second,” her sister’s voice rang out from the kitchen. “I’m trying to find the can of cookies we brought for Mom. You know how much she loves snickerdoodles.” She replied,

“We left them by the cookie jar, remember!” Emily recalled impatiently with a roll of her eyes, “You insisted it would be easier to remember them.”

She could hear her sister giggling merrily, “Oh, that’s right, thanks, Ems. Now, do you have everything you need?” Amy asked, walking out of the kitchen holding the cookie tin under her left arm,

Her sister nodded, showcasing her backpack. “Yeah, I do. Now hurry up; visiting hours are ending early for some reason, and you know how Barbra gets when there are last-minute visitors.” The fisty angel reminded her,

The other Cursed Heartless Angel chuckled, placing an arm around her sister and ushering her out the door. “I know, it’s really hard to forget with the sign she put up.” Amy locked the door to her and Emily’s house and breathed in the fresh air. The world of Imaginary Land was a lively one, a special dimension created to bridge the gap between real and fictional universes that reside in the realm of fiction. Well, to you, it’s fictional; for us, they are real, living, breathing worlds that have their own residents, lives, and stories. Which is why it’s commonplace to see said residents visit this secret land for one reason or another. Whether it’s for a leisurely stroll through the fountain square or a trip to the market to peruse the many fresh wares the merchants were selling, or maybe they just needed a break from the old song and dance that came when you’re saving the world every other week. And today was no different.

Many video game and cartoon characters were enjoying the summer afternoon. It has been six months since we saved the entire universe from being wiped from existence from the Void. And in that time the two Heartless Angels hadn’t seen their parents in a long while, and since things have calmed down. Amy decided it would be a great time to visit them at the Golden Wing Retirement Home.

Going through the golden gates that lead to Heven, the two sisters lost their Heartless forms and became their real selves. Amy had frizzy long red hair tied in two pigtails. She was wearing her turquoise shirt, a blue skirt, and glasses. Emily, on the other hand, had long brown hair. Two strands were also tied into two small pigtails while the rest of it flowed down. She was wearing a hot pink striped shirt, jeans with a black jacket tied around her waist, and black knee-high boots.

“Wow, I haven’t seen you wear that outfit in a while.” Amy pointed out since their heartless forms made clothes shopping limited,

“I know,” she replied with a stretch. “It feels good to wear normal clothes and not something that makes me look like a walking carrot stick.” She replied, referring to her green shirt and orange skirt combo.

“Fair enough.” Amy shrugged as they continued making their way to their destination. All the while passing fellow angels who greeted them as they passed them by,

“Afternoon Emily, I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Hey Amy, How’s your host family? Are they treating you well?”

“Well, if it isn’t the Jones sisters. How’s your kid, saved any worlds with her lately?”

Soon the two arrived at their destination. It was a huge building with a golden wing statue in the courtyard, and in front of the walkway was a sign that read “Golden Wing Retirement.”

“Do you think Mom and Dad will be surprised to see us?” Emily asked,

“Doubtful I sent them an email, remember?” Amy replied, turning to her sister,

“You and I both know Dad has never gotten the hang of emails. Not to mention the computers rarely get used here.”

Amy’s face fell, realizing she may have overestimated her parents’ understanding of technology. “Um, we’ll cross that pathway when we get there.” She smiled sheepishly.

The girls walked inside, where an old lady sat at the front desk reading a magazine. She glanced over her glasses, noticing the sister’s “Can I help you, ladies?” She asked a grumpy cat lady feel to her voice.

“Yes, we’re here to see our parents.” Amy answered politely,

“Name.” She requested,

“Barbra, it’s us.” Emily butt in, and she and Barbra go way back.

“I can’t help you without a name.” She said, tapping her pen on the clipboard impatiently, “It’s company protocol.”

Emily rolled her eyes as her older sister stated their reason: “Emily and Amy Jones, we’re here to see Henry and Lilly.”

“Oh, right, here you are.” Barbra spoke brightly, finding their names in the appointment book. “You’re just in time; as you should be aware, we’re closing visiting hours early today. All tenets are to leave at two o’clock.”

“Right, what’s all this about anyway?” The feisty angel spoke, “Did something serious happen?”

“Now now it’s nothing worth getting worked up about; the building is just getting fumigated. We’re having a slight outbreak.”

“What kind of outbreak?” Amy wondered, not a fan of pests,

“Wing lice.” Barbra replied simply,

“Ugh,” they groaned.

The woman nodded, understanding their disgust. “My thoughts exactly, and tell your mom to clean extra well with that fancy wing shampoo.”

"Wait, hold on, does our mom have wing lice?” Emily questioned, both in disgust and slightly disappointed; her parents wouldn’t tell them.

“No, she’s clean; she’s just getting feathers everywhere! I swear that woman has the worst wing dandruff I’ve ever seen.”

Amy smiled sheepishly, wanting this conversation to end. “We’ll be sure to give her the memo. Thank you, Barbra; we’ll see you later.” The two waved, heading to the stairs.

“Now, hold on, ladies. Your parents are currently staying in room 203.” Barbra informed,

“Hold up, last time they were in room 304, what’s with the new address?” Emily asked,

“Because of the outbreak, we had to move most tenants into new rooms to keep the problem from spreading. Rest assured they’ll be moved back once the lice problem is resolved. Now if that’s all, get out of here; I’m extremely busy!” She ordered picking up her magazine, “This magazine isn’t going to read itself.” The grouchy reception worker muttered, resuming her leisurely read.

“Thanks, Barbra.” Amy waved as the two went towards the stairs. I’m sure you’re wondering why angels need a retirement home in the first place. Well, the thing is, when an angel dies, they can only age up to the age they died. So, say you die at the age of 23, when you go to the afterlife, you can choose to live your life out from baby to the point when you died, so while your physical form will never age past 23, your mental age will.

But there are some older residents who would rather live their immortal lives in the comfort of a familiar atmosphere. But sadly, this wasn’t the only reason. Many years ago, an evil fairy named Maleficent broke into a sacred grotto and ambushed the angels who were having a very important meeting. Turning them into the cursed Heartless forms many are known for today, including Emily and the others. Even after the captured angels were freed and returned to the higher planes, their powers were severely weakened, so much so they couldn’t even influence their hosts to make good choices; so, with no choice, all former cursed angels retired, including Emily and the gang, or they were until Maleficent began moving forward with her evil schemes and summoned me to the world of Kingdom Hearts. There we helped them finish what they started, stopping Maleficent before she could obtain ultimate power. But that’s a story I’m sure you’re familiar with.

(Author’s note: Read The Adventure of a Lifetime if you aren’t.)

While Henry and Lilly weren’t victims of the evil fairy’s dark magic, they still retired to be closer to old friends and family, not to mention supply moral support to those who were left heartbroken over their loss of powers. The two sisters soon reached the door with the numbers 203. Amy knocked on the door, and the two waited.

“Just give me a second!” A man called out undoing the lock and opened the door. “Emily! Amy! What a pleasant surprise. Come on in your mother’s making lunch.” Henry greeted them happily, welcoming the two inside.

Their mother Lilly saw her daughters and smiled, “Hello girls, how’s your host family treating you? I bet Dakota is growing up into a brave young girl.” She smiled while drying the dishes,

Amy smiled proudly; boy did they have a lot to catch up on. “She is growing up before our eyes; she truly is a guardian of light, in fact. We recently saved an entire universe from being destroyed.” Amy explained,

“Again?!” Lilly gasped then giggled, "My, you have been busy; why don’t you tell us all about it while we have lunch?”

At the mention of lunch, Amy remembered the gift she brought. “Oh, that reminds me. Mom, we got something for you.” Amy sang, reaching into her backpack and pulling out the cookie tin.

“Snickerdoodles, my favorite!” Their mother exclaimed, “What did I do to have raised such good girls?” Lilly gushed, happily kissing the two.

“Eww, Mom, come on, your embarrassing me.” Emily groaned, trying to push her mother away.

Their father chuckled, “Alright, let them go; we don’t have much time before the exterminators get here. Come here, girls, why don’t you tell us about your recent heart-pounding adventure?” Henry requested leading his daughters to the dining room. Just as Lilly brought in a plate of sandwiches, crackers, and cheese.

“Alright, it all started when we decided to take a trip to the Paper Mushroom Kingdom.” Amy started to narrate,

Time seemed to stand still as the Jones sisters explained our recent adventure. Lilly and Henry were on the edge of their seats.

“And just when we thought he’d succeed, Luigi made Dimentio realize how much we meant to him. Using the self-control he had left, he gave Dakota an opening, and she jumped onto Super Dimentio’s head and used her rainbow wand to destroy his super form. knocking out the Chaos Heart and saving both him and Luigi.” Amy explained,

“But it’s not over yet.” Emily cut in, “Even with Dimentio’s defeat, the Chaos Heart was still set to destroy all worlds; even Dimentio couldn’t control it anymore. The only way to destroy the Chaos Heart once and for all is with an act of true love.”

“So, what happened next?” Lilly questioned on the edge of her seat,

Emily looked to her sister, asking for permission to tell the last bit of the story. The girl beside her nodded. “Count Bleck and Tippi had to sacrifice themselves; this whole mess started because the two lost each other, so the only way to fix it was for Tippi and Bleck to get married. And it worked;; their selfless act of love saved the universe. It was amazing!” Emily cheered, spinning around but quickly losing her balance, hitting a bookcase and making the contents fall on the floor. “I am so sorry; I’ll clean this up, I promise.” Emily spoke franticly, scrambling to scoop the books up.

“Here, Emily. Let me help you.” Amy offered, helping her sister clean up when she spotted an old scrapbook.

“Hey, Mom, what’s this?” She asked, holding it up,

“Well, what do we have here?” Their mom replied and gasped, "Oh, I’ve been looking everywhere for this; it’s an old scrapbook from our youth. I must’ve left this here after the last get-together.” Lilly explained, then turned to her husband, “Do you remember this, honey?”

“Of course, I do; it’s impossible to forget our first years together.” Henry replied, walking up and kissing his wife on the cheek, “Come here girls, why don’t we take a trip down memory lane?” He told them to come close and opened the book.

“I’ve never seen these pictures before; dad, when were these taken?” Emily realized,

“These weren’t taken in our old neighborhood.” Amy realized, “Dad, where is this?”

Henry and Lilly smiled; they’re daughters, ever the geniuses. “You see, long before you were born. Your mother and I grew up in a small town in Ontario; it’s where we met.”

“Ontario? Isn’t that in Canada?” Emily raised an eyebrow, trying to remember where Ontario was located.

“Mom, Dad? You lived in Canada?” Amy asked in disbelief,

“We sure did; it was a quint quiet town called Whitechapel. Lovely place to live.” Henry recalled,

“Is the town still there?” Amy followed up, getting more and more intrigued.

The man nodded. “Yes, it is. Even the old high school we went to is still operating. Oddly enough, it’s gotten quite popular with the supernatural and vampire crowd; not that I blame them; those Dusk films took the world by storm.” Henry explained, just as the phone rang, “You girls, take a look while I answer the phone.” He said, giving them the scrapbook, and walked off.

“Wow, nice house, Mom.” Emily admired seeing a picture of Lilly and Henry in front of a two-story house.

“Oh, our first house. I remember how happy our parents were when we told them we were moving in together. We were dating for three years when we moved in; we knew that house was meant to be ours when we moved in.” Lilly gushed fondly, “Oddly enough, that house was never able to find new owners since. It’s been abandoned for over a decade.”

“That long?” Amy gasped, wondering how such a pretty house wouldn’t be lived in again.

“It was the strangest thing; when we first moved in, the house still had furniture from the last tenets in it. Whoever lived there last left in a hurry.” Their mother explained placing a figure on her chin,

“And speaking of leaving, we have to go.” Henry spoke up, “That was Barbra telling us that the exterminators are here; we need to leave for an hour while they fumigate.”

“Oh, well then, how about we get some ice cream?” Lilly offered. “Our little treat.”

Emily licked her lips, loving the idea of spending more time with her parents. “Yum, sounds like a great idea, Mom. I’m in.” Emily stated,

“Sure.” Amy nodded. “Some mint chocolate chip sounds great right about now.”

“That sounds like a great idea. Come on, girls, let’s get out of here before Barbra kicks us out herself.” Henry joked. The foursome left the apartment and walked downstairs briefly speaking to Barbra. Once outside, they took a left and walked to the nearest ice cream stand. 

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Emily asked, walking beside her sister,

“That we need to spend more time with our parents?” Amy replied with a smug look,

“No, that once we head home, we need to stop at the store to grab some wing lice shampoo. Getting those pests out of angel wings is a pain.” Emily answered, making Amy laugh, but as the two spent the rest of the afternoon with their parents, Amy couldn’t stop thinking about the small town of Whitechapel and maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to go there.