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YET ANOTHER long and obnoxious stream of my thoughts while watching greys anatomy for the first time (SEASON EIGHTEEN bc i’m nearly caught up!)
-i don’t like teddy and owen getting married but teddy looks really cute
-why did it take me a ridiculously long time to remember who the fuck nick marsh is
-why would he ask her to marry him a THIRD time after her second no
-this is a really interesting storyline about the racial assumptions still being the bases of some diagnostic formulas. i remember a science teacher in middle or high school trying to tell us that black people have less nerve endings which is such an insidious myth
-i don’t know how i feel about blonde jo you guys. it’s a little disconcerting. like when ur a little kid and your dad shaves his beard for the first time and it makes you cry
-i like that the show gradually got a lot more queer over time
-“she’s like my sister. you’re like my sister” IS IT ADDISON? IS ADDISON COMJNV ???? my love
-i’ll forgive the cheesy dialogue bc she looks great
-ik it’s a logistics thing with the actors but it would make a lot of sense if jake was here working on uterine transplants too considering he was really interested in it when he was introduced in PP. like, i feel like it would just make a lot of sense for this clinical trial to be a joint endeavor, especially considering he’s the fertility specialist
-addie’s scrub cap!!!
-while i’m at it, i really wish we’d gotten addison scenes or mention when derek died. this elevator scene is great and i love it but i think it’s often minimized how big of a part addison played in his AND amelia’s lives. like obviously i get it. it would be weird to bring up your brothers ex wife in front of his grieving widow but in my head i think addison could have really been there for amelia because they could have shared memories that meredith wasn’t there for. and at the time meredith had no interest in grieving with amelia. like, they were together for a decade and a half. just because they’re no longer married doesn’t mean that death wouldn’t have hit hard. especially because mark is gone too.
-“there was tension” yeah and they should kiss about it
-they forgot how to write addison a little bit. also the convo with amelia feels really ooc. i get it’s showing how the pandemic fucked with everybody’s mental health but “truly hate” is a bit much and …. “i hate that for you” ???????? what
-my bestie tom looks good with a little gray in his hair
-ooh! meredith is in her kicky heeled boots era. love it
-i really like maggie’s hair this season
-bailey’s timeline is so fucking confusing. she was still a resident in seasons four and five (which span one year) which means she must have only been a fourth year in seasons 1-3 (also one year). yet she’s seen having way more authority and autonomy than any other class of residents had at her level. and she’s always going on and on about how she’s responsible for shaping and teaching meredith and her year of residents… which yeah sure but not in a very large capacity until maybe later on bc she was only a fourth year resident when they met. i’m so lost.
-i’m getting a little tired of the random car crashes you guys
-i’m not invested in link/amelia tbh but jo/link doesn’t interest me at all. none of the relationships are interesting rn
-oh my god this scene with all the blood and the waterfall on the podcast is so unsettling. there’s no way they’re going to continue the webber method after this
-i know it’s not going to happen and i know this makes me sound like a horrible person but god i would love it if hayes left and owen died in this car rn
-OH MY GOD OWEN TOTALLY KILLED THAT GUY AND HE TOLD HAYES BC HE THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA DIE, RIGHT? is that what they’re hinting at with hayes bringing up mercy killings to meredith? bc that would make this boring episode interesting to me
-link has a right to be upset but he’s pissing me off. he’s rewriting history and hasn’t been listening to amelia at all since the initial proposal
-didn’t they used to do m&m s in a much bigger lecture hall?
-i think the show was not necessarily less cheesy and melodramatic in season one but i will say that the cheesiness and melodrama was much more fun when everyone had flip phones and they were playing tegan & sara and the script in the background. not to mention everything is far too well lit and high def now it makes their bad choices look less sexy.
-now that farouk is older he looks really familiar. i’m trying to figure out what else i’ve seen him in
-“she’s ruined every good thing in my life” i feel for link, i really do, but i am so done with his whining.
-little ellis looks SO MUCH like ellis senior it’s insane. a+ casting
-owen sucks (x9)
-i was just reminded of that time in the earlier seasons when teddy and cristina’s patient wanted physician assisted suicide or something and owen got all weird and angry about it and overstepped a bunch. and now look at what he did. huh
-bailey needs to take several hundred seats
-addison looks so good !!!!!!!!
-do you guys remember a couple of seasons ago when jackson wasn’t gonna do that new bottom surgery for the trans woman and catherine yelled down the hallway “jackson avery!! i thought you were woke!!” ? that’s me rn but with teddy.
-am i supposed to like link??? is it an unpopular opinion that i don’t
-i feel like kai doesn’t vibe with kids and i think they should be up front about it before things get more serious
-i would play boggle with teddy :(
-ooh they’re using songs from the early seasons’ soundtrack
-let her LEAVE!!! why is nobody else taking any responsibility for the state of things. this in no way should fall on meredith’s shoulders. bailey especially! i get that she’s stretched too thin but that’s part of the problem.
#greys anatomy#i’m hanging on by a thread u guys#i can’t stop now only one more season until i’m caught up#meredith grey#teddy altman#amelia shepherd#addison montgomery#!!!!#you can find the rest of these under#greys reactions
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out of curiosity, would you consider yourself butch?
used to be a blonde underweight twink and now I'm a based jock still got the chanel bag and the sick albeit matured mind of a suckpig to prove it so I'm gonna let you decide whether you wanna call me that word just cuz I got a pussy and short hair. I promise you that there have been enough advancements made in the art of lesbian sexual dynamics in the past 50 years to broaden the vocabulary used to describe the plethora of types of masculine females.
#being called butch just reminds me of how much males have the freedom to navigate between male archetypes and how people pay attention to#the distinguishing features of these varying masculinities#but when a female is seen as masculine it all gets lumped under the “butch” category#her masculinity is seen as unnatural and therefore incapable of being considered genuine or taken at face value as it is with males.#its always brought into question instead of taken in consideration with the rest of the woman's life and experiences and her particularities#Hence... Butch is still being treated as though its a huge lesbian cultural phenomena instead of a specific niche thing#also i dont mean to invite the “you dont pass!!” anons again bc that idiot is missing my point entirely (which is that im truly not trying)#but the fact is that for the past 3 years i have found myself increasingly navigating the male social world#and discovering what it means to me as a female to have access to the ability to take my “masculinity” for granted... relax#forget about it#etc#i think thats entirely antithetical to the Butch thing which seems to rest on the tension of other peoples expectations of her#people broadly are more surprised to find out that im interested in women just as much as they're surprised that im a gym queen iykwim...#ive worked hard for this and now that ive gotten the Woman Social Role thing pretty much entirely out of the way i am living the dream#i think a large part of that is learning as a dyke to appropriate the language of gay men theres a reason their terminology had#staying power even when their scene was *literally* dying meanwhile all that seemed to survive from dyke spaces was butch n femme ??#its because theirs didnt necessitate the building and maintenance of a scene in order for the subculture to hold its head above water#their labels *largely* weren't predicated on their relationships to gender roles and its telling that for dykes it was#their labels rested on the need to simply show up anonymous n be able to easily flag whether they were looking to fuck or be fucked#alongside the set of circumstances under which they would be fucking or getting fucked or what have you#it all comes back to the restrictions of female social blah blah blah and i think the sooner we collectively set down what we see as our#responsibility as lesbians and as feminists to Be A Woman the sooner we can step outside of that#n start thinking clearly about our individual circumstances and the necessity of putting on your own oxygen mask first before helping others
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Bro genuinely all they have to do now is have Lisa say something about being Carla's safe place or safe space (and mean it) and that is it, I will literally combust and shatter into a million fragments of lesbian transcendence. You will not be able to kill me in any way that matters
#personal#carla connor#its all about the safe place boys#swarla#like literally carla has been so good for SO long and life has done nothing but take potshots at her#and yes shes loud and mouthy and shes a drinker and a gambler#she is NOBODYs girl next door and dont you dare try and put her in that mold#but god. GOD. no matter what life has done to her. she just#stays#/kind/#she takes people under her wing and she offers to listen and she protects those who need it#maria and roy and sally and kate and bobby and rana and ryan and betsy#shes a bitch and shes a hardass and shes ambitious and shes capable of so much self destruction#but over and over shes just proved that her kindness and her compassion overrides all of that#she cares and cares and /cares/ so deeply and she wants to do right by people and it!!! fucking gets her kicked in the teeth all the time!!!#but here she is again#opening her heart up to someone (two someones actually)#even tho shes terrified and shes said as much too#she wants this to be the place where she can finally lay her head down to rest and it be safe and sweet and permanent#and if lisa gives that to her#if betsy and lisa become her family#thats it genuinely if they become her safe place--the place where this brave kind woman can finally not have to be brave#and not have to fight for every last bit of joy she can wring out of life#you will find me facedown floating in an oily rain puddle like that kermit gif
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Magnificent Century Rewatch: One Picspam per Episode
Episode 17: The Double Joy
-My dear mother used to say "walk barefoot on earth and it shall take away all your troubles and sorrows, earth shall give you happiness and joy"
-Your mother spoke well, one can only find peace in earth. But I'm not sure if it is on earth or in it.
#the quote is a little bit silly but it adquires seriousness when you know everything that comes later#especially because it's hurrem's mother's quote from when she lived in ruthenia. when peace was possible. when she was going to marry leo#and had her future all planned. and there was stability#but the joke is suleyman's. after all becoming part of his family is what brings that ambiguity to the quote for hurrem's story#as it could be argued she never found true peace. at least for the most of her life#but also suleyman speaks in general terms here. so the quote can be extended to all the characters and in this episode of double joy it's#even more significant. because peace it's going to go sooner than later. and the signals of future ibratice problems are already there#and just as the birds are partly symbolic of that temporal peace and joy in love for hurrem the gifts the marriage gets are very important#as well#this episode is just gifts gifts gifts all around#suleyman's necklace for hatice has the tulips of the dynasty and it's something ibrahim himself recognizes could never give her#she says she's always going to have it w her. tho i don't remember seeing it too much in her tbh sdfy#in the other side ibrahim gets a lot of gifts. but the one that reminds him of his origin is his father's ofc. and he says he will always#have it with him as well. and later he gets suleyman's ring [i'm w haticehurrem. this totally looks like a subrahim wedding asfg]#which goes to remind us that he's now officially part of his family as well. he returned but he converted again. and THEN there's the table!#and taking away the politic alliance it could signify. it is venetian. his mother's heritage is there. in all the palace. and in the same#episode hurrem mentioned her mother's saying. the dynasty [or at least the most conservative side represented by ayse] it's unconfortable#the converts are not only winning more power and getting closer to the family. but they're also bringing their cultures & traditions to the#*ba dum tss* table#there's more to the whole return/convert and how it shows in the ibratice palace especially later w the statues but if i ever write about it#it deserves a post of its own ofc [and prolly someone that knows what they're talking about more than me lmao]#noo why did i write so much 😭 i should've done a separate post this is a mess to be under an already long picspam#anyways there's other significant gifts as the clock that musti likes or mahi's lucky charm for selim. and also the ones we already knew:#the ibratice gifts together 💝. and these contrast a lot with the rest because it's something of their own. when the couple was separated#from dynastic or even ibro's family. will they ever find peace again? we'll see it in the next episode [i'm lying]#maybe i should organize this in a post of its own#magnificent century#muhtesem yuzyil#mc1picspam4episode
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less a continuation and more of a thought bubble but ghost would hate price in this au
when he pulls him out of the gulag, so many of soap’s new behaviours click into place. things that never made sense to him as a natural progression of who soap was, that aren't just a product of walling himself off and turning his heart to stone
his soap never smoked. always complained when ghost lit up about the damage it did to the lungs, how it would slow him down in the long run
his john, always trying to be the best soldier
that's why seeing him suck on a cigar like it's second nature is so jarring. even more so when he'd only take a few puffs; enough for a taste and to make smoke coil through the air around him. always the same brand, always left to burn down in his fingers
then ghost sees him gift his cigar box to price, something that took pride of place on his desk practically before the man clears medical and seeing the way they both relax as he sets a match to one makes him realise
in an effort to run away from soap, john had tried to mould himself into price
god forbid ghost ever reads soap's journal. he's heard the "what the hell kind of name is soap” story from him, of the first time he'd ever met the captain and if he ever saw his words echoed in john's hand? saw just how far the man had wormed his way, so deep into him that he was speaking with his tongue?
price's monologues, making himself larger than life all in an effort to make this shitstorm feel more grand than just another war they're all trying to live through, acting like he’s being profound when he’s really just dodging anyone that questions him
letting price take roach out from under his wing like soap didn't identify with the kid the second he saw him, all of his self-deprecative habits hitting tenfold as he blames himself for every stray bullet; as if price could've plucked them from the very sky
the way soap steps back without a word of protest to let price command the team he handpicked and price just accepting? like his years of leadership mean nothing, like john means nothing after trying so hard to follow in his footsteps, just to be tossed aside
the rage ghost would feel at his indifference, as if soap’s behaviour is to be expected and not a series of red flags. add the nuke mission and his actions during and after shepherd’s betrayal? ghost would despise him
#this instalment brought to you by mactavishs journal bc holy shit#his obsessive hyper perfectionism is heartbreaking#he sees literally everything as his fault#every failure every mistake every accident he always looks for something he couldve done better#then increases his training to /make/ himsef better#the way he sees himself in roach and wants to help him become a better soldier like price did for him#only to immediately give him to price bc who better to turn him into a better soldier than price#there is so much characterisation in this thing and it blows my mind that it wasnt an ingame easter egg you could find and read#its an actual journal you could buy#it completely changes his dynamic with price from mentor and mentee to this godlike hero worship#and ghost finding out that soaps changed himself so much for this insane guy who almost nuked america?#that he cant see beyond his thirst for vengeance that soap would do literally anything for him#the shepherd betrayal and prices ‘you have to trust someone to be betrayed. i never did’ and you never thought to warn soap??#the rest of the 141 you can understand but hes so callous in that scene#and since ghost and roach live through it i just know ghost would go apeshit for treating soap like hes not worth the dirt under his boots#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#talk to me ghost#09 soapghost#09 soap#09 ghost#captain mactavish#ghoap#soapghost#ghostsoap#cod mw2#ghost cod#soap cod#captain price#we’re a team. ghost team#save post
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it's probably the sunnier weather that's doing stuff to my brain to make me more optimistic but it's so interesting having a brain that craves a lot of self-fulfillment to the point where I can move past some hang-ups around perfection by going "oh I really wanna do that though" and then I do it well because researching how to do it right is also a rewarding part of the process
#it comes with the double edged sword of dropping projects as soon as they become a bit more involved/difficult#or when they don't feel fulfilling#but maybe it's better to take a break and come back to something with new knowledge ?#maybe it's good that my brain has a built in 'if it sucks hit da bricks' function ?#i just wish that i had more stamina for these things when they start lacking intrinsic rewards#it just feels like compared to my other family members i lose steam very very quickly and since we all have the same disorder i should be-#- 'just as capable'... but honest to god my under-activity feels SO severe#it honestly feels like compared to others my threshold for mental exhaustion is half the normal benchmark it should be#you know how there were studies done that found that 4 hours is the maximum amount of time people can work before a decline in efficiency?#i swear to god when the activity is something i have no internal reward for it takes 1-2 hours for that decline to start. and my brain -#- crashes HARD. my eyes start to glaze over. i start forgetting how to speak. my brain starts acting like it's 2-3 am and that i need to -#- sleep. i don't push myself not because i coddle myself but because i perform WAY worse. my work becomes unintelligible#or if it's some other kind of task (such as cleaning) my brain desperately tries to take shortcuts in order to get it done#i am trying to avoid a situation where i have to fix up the shitty job i did after the fact!#it's just kind of crazy to me how this is viewed as laziness LOL 'you did a bad job!' because i was pushed past my limit!#not to mention... i get burned out for DAYS if i push myself too hard. i am trying to conserve my efficiency#if you want me to do a better job... i need more time. and trust me: i'll do an excellent job if you let me rest#i am a very smart and capable person who cares about doing a good job - and i have a fine eye for smaller details as well#the trade-off here is i'll need some time to find joy and fulfillment somewhere else for a little bit while i rest. let me excel ok?#idk where this high self esteem came from other than like. realizing i wrote an entire research proposal in such short time#while receiving positive feedback with very few notes for improvement. i just sat down an added another section today based on -#-feedback and realized like 'wait. i know what i'm doing and i probably care about this far more than the average classmate'#i've been having a lot of thoughts lately and i sort of want to get to the bottom of how i have a difficult time coping w/ burnout#and i also want to figure out how to offset the costs of the stuff i need to do... it's a process
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Since I'm thinking about "Year of Hell" anyway, during "Infinite Regress" Janeway debates "the finer points of temporal physics with a Krenim scientist." The events of "Year of Hell" reset the timeline back to its original configuration, placing Annorax back 200 years in the past where he came from. During Annorax's reign on his time ship, there is no evidence of Borg interaction with the Krenim, despite their space being practically next to Borg space. I've previously theorized that Annorax's meddling with the timeline was what provoked the events of "Scorpion," the conflict with Species 8472, and Kes's departure. However, now that Annorax hasn't changed the timeline post Janeway Maneuver, it is shown that he is still studying and planning to manipulate the temporal streams.
All of that said, Janeway resetting the timeline in "Year of Hell" likely led to the Borg assimilating the Krenim, giving them greater access to temporal weapons. We don't know how long-lived the Krenim are, but Annorax was potentially building his time ship again in the reset timeline. Because the original events were erased in the time loop, Annorax could have still built part of his time ship and set himself outside of the prime timeline, only to get assimilated because the events were altered and Borg territory was expanded after "Scorpion". In essence, it is possible that Janeway was debating temporal physics with Annorax through Seven during "Infinite Regress". This makes it possible that Annorax and Janeway had interacted -- directly or indirectly -- in 3 different timelines if we include "Before and After"
#I just find it interesting she was debating temporal mechanics with a krenim scientist because no evidence they are all *like that*#outside of Annorax and his minions out of time we don't know much about the krenim at all#we know that precisely one guy was the captain nemo of time#but what were the rest of them like#we have no idea because their society was eradicated by Annorax. was anyone else messing with time like him? no they were all dead and gone#was it just him doing temporal torpedos or was their whole society like that#which i tend to doubt if we follow the beats of 20000 leagues#annorax would've just been one guy cast out from society and driven by grief#i'm clearly fascinated by the krenim#do i need to read 20k leagues under the sea again so i can think about year of hell some more god damnit#i think they could've been a much more intriguing big bad over the loom... which i need to watch that again sigh#this is what comes of watching the same thing over and over and over again... the theories get very... specific#me and a throwaway line that means nothing doing rounds for weeks <3#this is what became of my MA lol i don't do anything else with my life or my mind#no really i'm going to bed now#only putting this on main tags cause otherwise i cant find my posts again if i think of something else or just want to annoy you all#year of hell#star trek voyager#before and after#infinite regress#meta#melts into oblivion
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people will really hear that you dont want kids and take it as an excuse to say the most fucked up insane things to you
#txt#tbd#sorry for positng about this again b#actually im not sorry i had to spend the whole rest of my shift thinking about it#'you don't want kids? aw but youd be such a good mom! i should pay your partner to impregnante you anyway' I HOPE YOU DIE#you would NEVER say that to anyone under any other circumstances#but because im (taxonomically) a woman who doesnt want kids suddenly its fair game to say#you hope i get pregnant anyway so i can find out What A Good Parent I'd Be#then he has the gall to say 'or you can adopt!' I DONT WANT KIDS. I DONT WANT TO HAVE OR RAISE KIDS.#whatever. whatever. ill just go back to work tuesday like nothing happened
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^ GAH !
^ GAH !!!!!!!!!!!!!
#funger screenshots#didnt get screenshots of her final speech where she comforts the pc and tells them to rest bc the text faded out too fast but OH my god man#THERE IS SO MUCH TO ALL OF THIS. I FEEL SICK#THE NEWBORN GODS STRUGGLE TO DEFINE HERSELF AND FIND A BODY IN 'FEAR AND HUNGER'. THE RECOGNITION OF YOUR PAIN- THROUGH--#--HER OWN SUFFERING SHE ASCENDED AND IT WAS RIGHT ALONGSIDE YOU SHE BLED#for all the pcs possible kindness (the doll and the dagger- u can see her reminiscing over the dagger here) they still brought her deeper#they still made her fight alongside them and they still obeyed nilvans plea and brought her to the heart of darkness. kindness wasnt enough#putting this w the knowledge given in termina- fear as motivation and hunger to keep humanity moving forwards driving them to technological#--advances unheard of before- makes this so bittersweet. the world was stagnating under the rule of the new gods and in the absence of the-#--old. its as nosramus says- extinction approaches. it was a necessary cruelty to birth the god of fear and hunger but it still HURTS#the expression of seeming ecstasy on the fourth phases face. how she retains at least Some semblance of the girl (the hair mostly) until--#--she finally settles upon the SCARECROW (<-- !!!!!!!! WTF) form. THE SKIN YOU CAN SEE SLOUGHED OFF AT THE SCARECROWS BASE#elaboration on the scarecrow bit. fear and hunger. frightens birds away from food. my GOD
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Oh getting very close now, villainy feels right around the corner (Patreon)
#Doodles#Villainsona#Just Desserts#So you can see - the TVAU floodgates lol#Upon realizing how fun and easy Charm is to draw in the WOY style I was like ''So designing outfits then''#It's like an inbuilt base maker! This style is perfect for just getting a scribble down and then extrapolating from there!#Surely we've all seen the phenomenon of starting with something simple and expanding and building once the base is established#Like kid drawings being redrawn by professionals :D Or pixel art into fully rendered or Minecraft skins open to interpretation#The urge to Artistic Liberty lol - I just managed to find a style that I can do both in >:3c Create the initial and build from there! Yay!!#Love having that as an option ♪ And like I said she's criminally fun to draw like this lol she's just a cute rectangle#Plus - and this is really the big plus lol - since WOY is so silhouette-based it's a great style to test outfits on#The biggest problem for designing her TVAU outfit for me has been how readable it is with and without the wings#Classic Charm is perfect and that's reflected in her design as well ♪ TVAU is in the image of another hm hm hm#<Already a tag lol - but she is! Classic Charm has the perfect amounts of breaks and rests and interest and design flow I just hhh <3 <3#And also true for the TVAU! Charm is under pretty direct influence by that point and I want that to be very reflected in her outfit!#I had a bunch of themes I wanted to explore like two months ago but kept coming up empty :P But now that I've had a chanced to simmer :3c#The biggest elements I'm happiest with are her belly showing in the first one - one of the themes was ''forced vulnerability'' so#I'm not sure what to do with the hem of her pants tho I very intentionally didn't design where her shirt and pants meet in Classic lol#The second design is probably my favourite overall :D And not Just because she turned out so cute in the WOY style haha#I mean she also turned out very cute in the JD style hehe - but I kinda forgot that Kaiein started as a dragon!#Turning her spiderweb theme into dragon scales is so just- how did I not think of that before gods what a brilliant idea lol#And I can keep scalloping! Scallops forever dragon scales spider webs sugar candy sweets ♪ My favourite :D#I like that it keeps the shawl as well while still having very uncovered shoulders - feels villainy and still reflective of her design :D#The last one is more building off the previous two - chest window for the vulnerability theme - dragon scale ''train'' like the first's#I think it's decent but it was honestly more for the dark striped leggings since the middle had them light like her Classic design#One of the other themes I was going for was ''coloured over/blotted out'' and having it be ''her'' design while literally coloured out#I think there's something to that :3c#Also *toots own horn* I did a fantastic job reconstructing her leg in that last one >:3c#I bet you'd never know the the entire bottom half of her left leg had to be digitally added after the fact! I even did that with my trackpad#Hehehe ♪♫ Quite pleased :3c
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Question: you linked some helpful insta+twitter resources about the boycott, but do you know if there is an official tumblr blog dedicated to this info? Or perhaps a specific tumblr tag to track?
there isn't a blog dedicated to it but there are tags you can follow! those mainly being #hybe boycott and #hybedivestfromzionism it's the ones i've been using to post all the information i can find about the hybe boycott!
#you can find resources (for music to download and such)#to updates and information#i know a lot of people don't have twt or ig so i try to post#about everything that i see that is important and is happening on twt#since it's the place were most of the organization for the boycott is happening#but rest assured under those tags you will find blogs who also post about it!#also i would like to say that if anyone has a question regarding this#my asks are always open for anything!#i'll try my best to answer everything#asks#anon
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smiles ok maybe i lied about scrapping that kian loop
#my post#hehe#i spent like 45 minutes looking for a clip of the clicking#the only clicking in episode 1 is faintly under talking#and in the rest. idk how to save the audio off of spotify or patreon or anything#but i finally found one!! in an animatic lol#thank you dawnlotus my savior#is there like. a clean audio of the clicking. like i can not find that sound anywhere what the hell is it from#like charlie claims it sounds like cicadas which it does Not. it also does not sound like beetles#the closest ive got is woodpecker??#but i cant find the actual audio :[ smoge...
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why dont u like cars eca
what's there to like about em.
#eca orichird#daily eca#lil' eca#not the only one with shades and opinions (asks)#imagine you are a scrawny 4 year old runaway in a big city. the sidewalks are crowded; the afternoon sun beats down; and you're bustled#along with the movement of pedestrians because if you stop moving you're going to get trampled or caught. the movement of the crowd splits#slightly and in the blur you try to move where there's less foot traffic; hit your knees against a metal ledge; and clamber up the step#there's the sound of beeping and coins; but no one notices as you're pushed inward (you realize you're now inside something; a building?)#every chair is taken; there's a disorienting amount of people standing around you. it's loud and scary. your voice catches in your throat#and if you weren't nonverbal already; you sure are now. you dont know what’s happening. the thing you're in jolts and you'd almost fall ove#if you weren't packed in on all sides; there's a rumbling roar that mixes with the rush in your ears and through the sparse gaps in people#you can see the world passing by through glass; the thing you're in is /moving/ and you don't know where and you dont know how to escape an#you can’t find an exit and there's so many people and no one seems to care about you; you’re surrounded by legs much taller than you.#the metal around you rumbles and jolts and screeches and stops and starts and you’re knocked against strangers and you’re scared.#you are in there for an eternity; the people around you shift but more always take their place. at some point; the crowd thins a little#you scramble to follow a lady who seems to know where to go and you emerge onto a sidewalk in front of a library. you’ve never been here#you dont know how far you are from the orphanage. you dont know how to get back. you are very small and scared and feel like things are#never going to be the same again. the suffocation of the bus clings to you; though it may just be a panic attack. lady enters the library#and you unsteadily follow her inside; you spend the rest of the day hiding on a beanbag chair under the stairs and crying silently#at 4 years old this is the worst experience of your life and it sticks with you forever. not to worry though; there will be more.
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how to write essays about yourself when you are a small rat dedicated only to taking the easier road and not desiring anything lest moderate disappointment crush your soul. how to write essays about yourself when your only value is not having strong values. the only thing i am is Mild.
#shitboxposting#i am too repressed to write anything about my feelings the only way i can feel is by analyzing#actually i take it back the only thing i feel is annoyed. i cannot stand these hoes#''art things i hate'' stfu. I hate YOU hows that for a fucking change#i know i have actual like. values and worth under my thick layer of repression its just not easy. to find or stand by them#sure as hell will not be standing by them im extremely comfortable as is i am dedicated to the rest and jest
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i’m struggling to get to sleep a little, so i’m going back over childhood memories and stumbled across one that was almost a one hit KO.
I read a lot as a kid. My parents encouraged this, and got me a lot of books. Enough that, at one point, early in the morning and the only one awake, I was able to cover nearly every square inch of our living room in books. This probably led my parents to the realization that I, perhaps, had too many books, and we should get rid of some.
I was fine with that. I didn’t like to read books twice, you see, because I already knew where they were going and they didn’t entertain me anymore. That’s a philosophy that has changed, somewhat, with age, but that’s besides the point— there were a few books I wanted to keep. Strawberry Shortcake and something to do with mermaids. The few issues of the Beano I had. The Tin Soldier.
My parents boxed up a ton of books, and handed them in to my first grade classroom. Multiple large boxes of books. A comical amount of books. My teacher, Mrs. B, was very appreciative, But.
I don’t remember how this was uncovered. I don’t remember how I realized it, but… the tin soldier had been given away too. I didn’t mention it a paragraph ago, but it was my favourite book. I loved that book. It was about a tin soldier, missing a leg, in love with a princess or a ballerina. He got lost, or dropped, or maybe went on an adventure, I don’t recall, but in the end found his way back to the princess and was happy.
We did look through those boxes. Didn’t find it.
In sixth grade, I moved.
Well— technically, it was the summer between fifth and sixth grade that I moved. Still. In the years between, we never found that book. I had honestly forgotten about it. Sure, I had cried, but I did eventually find other books.
I guess word got around that I was moving. It was… something like the last day of school— not quite the end, but close. I remember snow on the ground, grey and slushy and mostly gone. I was just getting on the school bus to go home when Mrs. B came bustling out of the school.
She caught my backpack handle to get my attention, and I stopped on the steps of the school bus, looking down at her for what may well have been the last time I ever saw her. She had a book in her frail hands. The Tin Soldier.
She had never forgotten. She kept looking for that book. There was an apple sticky note on the front, addressed to me. It said some incredibly kind things, though most of the words are lost to memory. Encourage your creativity, I think, was the gist of it.
I just. Four years. She kept looking for that book for me for four years. I still have it, now, over a decade later. She must have had other, more important things to do. Four years! Where on earth had it been? I still don’t know, can’t imagine what could have possibly happened to it in the interim short of it slipping into a dimensional pocket. I loved that teacher.
#mobbtalks#not really a story with a point I suppose#my parents dd find another copy of the tin soldier for me after accidentally giving mine away#but the art was different and the story was slightly changed#other memories in this cycle include: spending recess stored away in a corner making an entire city out of little wooden blocks#attempting to do so again another recess only to have the teacher assign me as the buddy to the special needs kid. by which I mean she put#him in the same corner as me and told me to look after him#I remember being annoyed at having to share my city but he actually brought some really neat ideas to it#never really interacted again afterwards though.#I hated the teacher who was supposed to look after him though. she was an ass#like one day I came into school smiling and happy and kicked the snow off my boots Onto the Kick Snow Off Your Boots Mat#after like 30-40 other children had already done so- I was in the back of the line#and she came up to me and honest to god went ‘Why are you smiling.’#so I said ‘today’s my birthday!’ because it was. I was probably turning seven#but that’s just a guess#and she said ‘I don’t care. do you think just because it’s your birthday you can get snow all over? I don’t want you to come to class until#you pick this all up’ and she like gestured at All the Snow tracked in by (again) 30-40 children (a lot of snow)#I remember scooping a couple handfuls outside and then shoving the rest under the mat because I’d be in trouble if I was late to class#went from smiling to tear streaked#… well that’s a sour spot to leave off a post about good memories on#uhhh what else can I recall#I used to get up super early but I’d get up even earlier for Christmas#one year I got up so early. I don’t know how early but I do know it was like WAY earlier than I had ever gotten up before#stared at the tree and the gifts underneath. considered if I could open one (just one!) secretly. decided against because my parents would#be so sad to miss any. stare at tree. stare at tree. vents make weird noise. oh shit the house is haunted and the ghost is gonna get me#ended up on the other side of the house wedges under a lawn chair (???? lawn chair = safety apparently) on top of a vent#(!?? the thing scaring me?!?)#and all three of our cats came out of the woodwork to square up around me. snooks who was honestly just the best no notes 10/10 cat#simba who’d wake me up on other days to beg for pets and then follow me around the house until other people got up#and Missy who Hated me and Hated Children and probably Hated Simba too (but not snooks because snooks was an Angel)
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▶[Arcane preference] reacting to you wearing their clothes [Jayce, Viktor, Ekko, Vander, Silco, Jinx, Vi, Caitlyn, Mel, Sevika, ]
If you know me, hello little deers, I'm back! If you don’t know me, welcome! Just a heads-up that I don’t use "Y/N," but rather the impersonal "you," and even though I talk about clothes, no sizes or weight are involved. Enjoy the read!
Jayce:
- It’s not that rare when you’re together; he’s a real gentleman through and through. If it’s cold, he’ll give you his jacket, his scarf, anything to keep you warm
- But when you’re the one taking his clothes, it’s different
- When he sees you walking around the room in his shirt, just after waking up, something in his brain malfunctions
- It’s how it fits you, no matter how big or long it is, it seems like it was made just for you, to give you that look
- And to him, it feels like some kind of subliminal ad, as if the universe is making you so attractive in the simplicity of that gesture just to tell him he needs to hurry up and put a ring on your finger so he can enjoy that sight every day
- It’s hard for you to get anything done in the morning when he wakes up with those thoughts
- Those are the days when you stay in bed, cuddling under the covers, with him looking at you, hand on his cheek, getting more lost in you by the second
Viktor:
- For Viktor, the idea of a “little thief stealing his clothes” is an interesting one
- He’s never been a fan of tight-fitting clothes, plus, with his physique, it’s rare for anything to fit snugly anyway
- That’s why, except for his Academy uniform, the rest of his clothes are comfortable and at least two sizes too big for him, without mentioning Jayce's oversize ones in his closet
- What Viktor didn’t expect was that, once you started liking them, you’d just take them straight out of his drawer
- The first time he knocked on your door to ask if you’d seen his shirt —the very one you were wearing— he first stopped, confused, wondering how it had ended up on you
- And then, though he didn’t show it, he paused to notice with satisfaction how well it wrapped around your body
- Sometimes he pretends to forget his clothes at your place, just to see them on you, and to get them back with your scent on them
- For the nights when he feels lonelier
Ekko:
- Communism
- There’s not really a strong sense of what belongs to whom at the Tree, although some clothes (jackets in particular) eventually get so personalized that no one dares to take them anymore
- The first time you grabbed Ekko’s jacket, it was simply because you were freezing, it was really cold, and he was resting, so he didn’t need it
- But when he saw you wearing it, his pupils dilated so much you could notice it despite his very dark eyes
- Ever since then, it’s him who gives it to you and insists that you wear it, because he likes it: there’s something extremely intimate and deeply personal about walking around with you in his jacket
- It’s like marking you as his, but really, also reminding himself of it
- And Ekko may be proud, but one thing you quickly and painfully learn in the alleys is to say ‘I love you’ before it’s too late, and that small possessive gesture makes him feel fulfilled because it’s like he’s telling everyone that he couldn’t live without you
Vander:
- Vander’s clothes have this super-secret ability to change depending on who’s wearing them. For example, what are shirts on him turn into dresses on you
- When you put them on, even just for the sake of convenience, you find yourself laughing in front of every mirror you pass by
- And if he notices, he can’t help but hug you from behind, leaning down to rub his nose against your neck, smiling against your skin
- “You know,” he says every single time, “it looks better on you than it does on me,” and no matter how false it might be, in his eyes, it’s truer than almost anything else
- After seeing you a few times in his grown-up man's clothes, he decided to dig through an old box to find the clothes from when he was younger and mend them before leaving them folded on your side of the bed, like a little gift
Silco:
- Silco’s strangest habit was the connection he had with his clothes: they looked like Piltover garments, except for the boots and the shirt under the velvet vest, yet they were torn, poorly mended, and worn out in several places
- Despite being the richest man in the undercity, he never changed them
- The only newer piece in his wardrobe that he used to wear was his coat, which was in perfect condition, scented with cologne, and lined with soft velvet that followed the direction of your fingers when you touched it
- Sure, there were ceremonial outfits, pajamas, and something comfortable yet always elegant, but he had worn them so little that they almost didn’t seem like his
- That’s why one day you simply decided you were bored, and while he was in a meeting, you could take the opportunity to try on the ones that fit you
- But that little fashion show from his wardrobe to the mirror probably took longer than expected, and definitely you were too focused, because you didn’t notice the tall figure watching you, leaning against the doorframe
- “Don’t take that off, I’ve got an idea or two,” his voice broke the silence, making you jump
Jinx:
- Her clothes are more like a flea market than a wardrobe: there are men’s clothes, women’s clothes, from Piltover and Zaun, intact, held together by metal staples, clean, splattered with paint, torn from explosions, some so small you wonder who they could even fit, and some so large that you and at least four of her father’s henchmen could comfortably fit in them with room to spare
- She’s the one who tells you to grab something from the pile the first time you ask to help her with her calculations and experiments, and in the end, you choose something comfortable rather than something intact or clean
- It took her a good half hour to notice, and then another hour to stop talking about it
- It was something she hadn’t done since she had a family, sharing clothes with someone else, and suddenly she realized just how much she missed it
- Every now and then, she’d give you oversized shirts on purpose, just to disappear under the fabric and snuggle up to you, where she felt sheltered enough to feel less vulnerable
Vi:
- Vi’s mentality was interesting because, by accident, if she noticed you were eyeing someone’s clothes with interest, somehow the next day those clothes would end up on your bed
- Vi would do anything for you; if it were up to her, you’d be dressed in pearls and gold, but neither the place nor her situation allowed it
- That’s why she never offered you her clothes: the older ones were tattered, barely definable as rags, which she stubbornly patched up every month
- The new ones were stolen, spoils from street fights, but they always came in looking battered and worn, or worse, stained with blood or strange substances, so they weren’t good for you
- When she saw you wearing a sweater from her wardrobe, stained and burned in spots, the first thing she felt was guilt
- She hated not being able to treat you the way she wanted to
- But from that day on, she made sure to at least wash her clothes before putting them away, and slowly she learned to love the clothes you stole a little more than the others
- That sweater, for example, she would defend it with her life
Caitlyn:
- Whenever you stayed over at her place, she always made sure to provide everything for you: slippers, socks, pajamas, anything you might need
- And it was always the highest quality you had ever seen
- So seeing you in her clothes wasn’t new, although she sometimes liked to have you try on things she didn’t wear anymore, partly because she couldn’t due to her important name, and partly because she spent half her time in uniform
- Those little fashion shows almost always ended with her on top of you, while you are very busy figuring out how to stay quiet so none of the servants, or worse, her parents, would catch you
- It didn’t matter if the clothes didn’t suit you, being able to see you in so many different lights made her fall even more in love with everything about you
- The final blow? One day she decided to look through the enforcers’ uniforms to find one that would fit you, and for the first time, she saw you in clothes that matched hers
- There was something about it that made her hope that uniform would change the chemistry of your brain too and make you join the force, just so she could spend more time with you, just so she could see you like that more often
Mel:
- For Mel, it wasn’t an event: she was used to everything, mastering her emotions, and seeing you wearing something of hers had only left her confused for a second, from which she quickly recovered, smiling at you
- “It looks really good on you, you know?” she had asked
- It didn’t bother her. Objectively, you seemed stupid borrowing those elegant clothes tailored exactly to her body
- It almost felt like heresy to wear the clothes of a goddess-like figure. But the goddess had sensed something, and she began buying and commissioning outfits for both you and her, matching, so you wouldn’t feel like you were missing something
- But there was one moment, a specific one, where seeing you in one of her dresses had left her speechless
- When you told her that the sweater was so beautiful it was almost a shame knowing she couldn’t wear it on the day you’d marry her
- And Mel Medarda came from a land of war, where it was hard to get attached to people, let alone objects
- Yet from that day, that piece of clothing became a constant for her, even if it meant layering or pulling it down to keep her shoulders bare
- Because it no longer just warmed her skin; it began to warm something deeper, something she hadn’t even realized she had
Sevika:
- Her clothes reflected her line of work: dirty, unpleasant, dangerous
- But despite that, she would drape them over you herself, no matter how worn they were: if she thought you might be cold, without a word, you’d find a sweater or hoodie on your shoulders
- And even though she’d glance at you from the corner of her eye, she wouldn’t stop watching you for a single moment when you wore something of hers
- It was a matter of homeland—there was no ownership in Zaun, not even last names, as even the family you belonged to was irrelevant compared to what you could do
- And the gangs, thugs, and troublemakers wouldn’t hesitate to steal what was yours
- But you were hers, and you couldn’t be stolen. And that shirt was hers, but she didn’t feel mutilated, like she normally would, when you wore it
- In fact, she loved it, opening her arms to invite you to snuggle up, holding you carefully so the prosthetic wouldn’t bother you, adjusting the clothing on you ten, a hundred times, almost unconsciously
- And when you wore her clothes, it felt like for a little while, you could wear her skin too, to understand her better, and she suddenly seemed more vulnerable
#jayce x reader#viktor x reader#ekko x reader#silco x reader#vander x reader#jinx x reader#vi x reader#caitlyn x reader#sevika x reader#mel x reader#jayce talis#viktor arcane#ekko arcane#silco arcane#arcane vander#jinx#vi arcane#caitlyn kiramman#mel medarda#sevika#arcane x reader#arcane headcanon#arcane 2#arcane writing
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