#you can ���be strong’ for someone who’s sad or anxious without you being out to be an ultra suppressive self hating boy man

[dekusleftsock]

I think that there’s a fundamental misunderstanding of what exactly is…happening with Izuku’s character. Specifically in regards to chapter 425.

I’m glad that a lot more people generally recognize that Izuku is not a character that can be read at a surface level, given that he’s both a repressed person with built up emotion of basically everything and also a very glaringly HUGELY unreliable narrator, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I agree with the ways I’ve seen this most recent chapter spoken about.

I see posts, comments, etc with ideas like “Izuku don’t suppress your emotions! Open up with people! It’ll be okay I promise!” When that’s fundamentally not what is happening here.

There’s always always ALWAYS been a distinct difference in character throughout horikoshi’s writing when he is showing that a character is:

A—Avoiding emotions, thoughts, ideas less than ideal for them. Not opening up when they probably should about their problems given that they’ve been handed the space to do so. Just genuinely not acknowledging, feeling, or expressing emotions that they don’t want.

B—Reflecting on the ways they feel about the world, themselves, or other people given their new perspective on a situation. Not outright reaching out to others to talk about these problems/feelings, but instead waiting until the moment they feel they have the most confidence to do so with their new outlook on their own life.

And genuinely, guys, to grab your BkDk attention rn, this is the exact reason why Ochako’s reflection on her feelings for Izuku and thereafter decision to pull away from them WAS NEVER GOING TO END IN OCHAKO EXPLODING WITH HER LOVE FOR HIM.

This was another common interpretation I saw of Ochako and Izuocha for a long time. That because she pushed these feelings away, they were somehow going to explode in this unbelievable way and she would “get the boy” because of it. That her arc would surround accepting her romantic feelings and that she can’t just push away how she feels for a career.

But yk. That didn’t happen. At all. Nowhere close even.

The same kind of goes for Katsuki, allmight, etc. They all had moments in their arc where it was spent genuinely reflecting, and the only reason we as the audience never connected it in the same ways we do ochako or Izuku was ALWAYS BECAUSE the narrative showed their inner thoughts while doing so (mostly because Allmight’s arc after losing OFA and Katsuki’s arc on what it means to be a hero were so intrinsically tied, both starting at the same time and ending at the same time during the final war. And because they were so tied this caused their own reflections, development, and thought process to be broadcasted to us frequently throughout their arcs… to each other. They also somewhat shared aspects with Izuku, but these were cherry picked more often than not, like dvk2 for example).

To us Katsuki never seemed to be.. idk, suppressing his anger in any way because we were always told what he was doing and why (side note: this is why I’ve always thought arguments against Katsuki were so weird, bc unlike characters like endeavor or Ochako he wasn’t like… hiding who he was and how he was changing. Ever. Like the audience knows at all times past basically season 3 what Katsuki is thinking and doing. Like how do you watch this happen, stare me dead in the eye, and tell me how much of a terrible and awful teenage boy he is. Like damn I didn’t think we were this dumb. This is also my theory as to why he’s most popular, his arc is very… in your face if that makes sense). Katsuki’s entire mini arc on reflecting his mistakes and his childhood and his future is spent TELLING YOU that it’s what he’s doing. (I’m referring mostly to the endeavor internship arc, the provisional license exam makeup, and basically everything in the war arc related to him leading up to bakugou Katsuki rising here)

And see, Horikoshi will stare you dead in the eye, tell you “this girl has taken into consideration that she doesn’t want to waste her time training her career focusing on a boy because he kinda caught her fancy”, and y’all will still say that this will explode in her face.

Y’all this is a series about learning how to manage emotions, maturity in relationship to one’s emotions, how to feel an emotion, but in a way that is helpful. Horikoshi isn’t telling you “go buck wild, feel everything all the time and always express it”, in fact he explores why you DONT do that! Through Toga or Shigaraki, they show how grief and anger can genuinely consume you. But he also shows why you shouldn’t just put everything in a box to never look at or acknowledge, or why you shouldn’t just let your grief destroy the world around you, or pretending that some emotions simply don’t exist.

I can’t say this enough, so let me say it now, mha is about the extremes of your psyche. That you should control something, but not too much. Everything can be harmful. Everything can be good.

Izuku is not controlling too much, he’s expressing just enough.

I LOVE shaming this dickhead at all times in all my posts. I love saying he’s an ignorant dipshit with a weird amount of distaste for a girl who just confessed to him. I’ve joked that chapter 348 is basically an entire chapter spent on Izuku calling Himiko a mean dyke. And yet I also believe he’s doing nothing WRONG here.

In fact, I’ll even say that this moment right here?

ISNT EVEN IZUKU DOING THE SOCIALLY APPROPRIATE THING ABOUT IT! But he’s still TRYING to reach out to someone he thinks MIGHT be able to understand. (And frankly, this moment is far deeper than what it’s being made out to be, to me it reads more like an unrequited friendship that Izuku both desires and has thought of them to have, while simultaneously showing the distance Ochako has successfully wedged between them for her own sake. Maybe it was always there though, maybe in weird, miscommunicated Horikoshi fashion, this is a representation of how Ochako always read all those “fun friend hangouts” as a little more than that, and without those feelings the friendship never really held any substance to her in the first place. Where Izuku saw his first real friend at UA, she saw little more than acquaintance)

Simultaneously, Izuku is genuinely reflecting on what it means for the world to change, to be a hero, to live after loss—and trying and failing to gain the connection he desires from individuals who can not and will not afford him that.

Izuku is ready for the world to change, a few select characters are also ready for the world to change (mirio, for example), but not nearly enough are. So maybe I’ll have to take this back if I’m proven wrong and I accidentally looked into this far past what everyone else did for no reason, but I genuinely believe with moments like this

And this

Aand this

That Izuku has come forward with that aspect of his character development. He’s reflecting on his new beliefs, not repressing his emotions for them.

[harmoonix]

✿❯────「✿」────❮✿

✿Astrology Notes✿

If you dance, I'll dance

And if you don't, I'll dance anyway

Give peace a chance

Let the fear you have fall away

✿❯────「✿」────❮✿

✿ Mars - Moon aspects can control their fury/ let it out to release themselves, they can control their emotions up to a certain point. Don't make these people angry because they can get angry very easily

✿ Pluto - Ascendant aspects are very powerful and magnetic to all the energies around them and these people can find a lot of people projecting on them

✿ Lilith - Sun aspects, they are very rebellious, like to make justice, and their personality can be very strong towards other people, these natives are very magnetic and people can find them very attractive. They can have a lot of nerve

✿ Mercury aspecting Venus or in Venusian Degrees (2°,7°,14°,19°) either in (Libra or Taurus) can have a very magnificent and pleasent voice

✿ Jupiter in Earth signs (Taurus, Capricorn. Virgo) can make money very fast due to their analytical minds

✿ Having Sagittarius ascendant is a big indicator of having a very beautiful body or a very beautiful appearance because Jupiter, your ruler is expanding and blessing your Ascendant. This can apply to Pisces Risings because Jupiter is their traditional ruler.

✿ Moon at 18°\22° degrees can struggle with letting their emotions go, to release themselves, is kinda hard for these people to talk about their emotions, they can get very attached and can have a hard time to get over some things 🫂

✿ Jupiter - Venus aspects are very charming and can have a very good personality, a lot of people can put their eye on them

✿ This might be my opinion only but I saw people with Scorpio/Sagittarius/Capricorn and Aquarius placements being very good at revenging, i think is mostly because they can be very loyal and these natives don't like to be betrayed and they can have a lot of revenging thoughts if you do them dirty, Scorpio have Pluto energy to identify and destroy, Sagittarius having Jupiter to let them win most times and Capricorn and Aquarius who have karma by their side always 🫂

✿ Virgo/Gemini Moons, /Moon in the 3rd house/6th house can overthink very much and can become very unhealthy for them! These people have serious anxious attacks and can get sad very easily

✿ Jupiter in the 8th house can be an indicator for marrying someone rich 💸🫰🏼

✿ Neptune in 1st house people can project a lot of people on them without wanting 😭 they get other people attention very easily and people can very intrigued with these natives. Is honestly a blessing

✿ Lilith in the 2nd/5th/10th houses can have a very good appearance and very big magnetism/appeal, is like people want them very much, even to touch them

✿ Lilith in the 6th house can have people obsessed with them, especially at their work place

✿ Uranus in 6th house can work in very different places most in their lives they can switch their jobs a lot

✿ Venus in the 10th house can also indicate having a public relationship, having a relationship a lot of people will know about. You and your partner could work in the same job.

✿ Capricorn Risings have very a beautiful face structure, they looks very pretty in everything but mostly dark colors (brown-black-green-)

✿ Neptune - Venus aspects can be very stylish and classy 💅🏼💅🏼, they are high fashionable. I tell you the truth!!! They are like "Oh my gloss, people are staring at me because I'm so pretty"

(especially Venus - Neptune conjunction. Oh my gloss, i wish i had this Conjunction in my chart)

✿ Libra Placements are very romantic, especially Libra Moon and Libra Venus they are hopeless romantics who hope for that true love and try search that type of love all their life

✿ Having big Taurus influence in your chart can make you a very lovely and possessive person, you love your friends and family very much and you would do everything to protect them

✿ Pluto in the 4th house are VERY protective people, they would do everything for their family and loved ones, these people love very hard and sooooo intense their love isss.... EVERYTHING

✿Chiron in the 1st house positive side.. so y'all after this placement is healed the native looks ETHEREAL. Believe me I have this placement in my sidereal chart and if you start to love yourself you will see a lot of changes TRUST THE PROCESS ❤️🤗

✿I see people not talking enough how powerful Lilith in the 6th house can be, masters of mind, attracting a lot of people from your work, being seen very magnetic by others. Your colleagues can see you very attractive and can simp or crush for you (This can apply only sometimes because of course it depends what kind of colleagues you have at work)

[copperbadge]

would you mind talking a little about enjoying traveling solo? I've always wanted to explore, but so many people paint traveling as this group activity, and I've always felt bad not having friends to do it with

My god, how much time do we have?

So, I could indulge in a little free therapy here and talk about some fucked-up experiences of travel I had as a child, but that's not really applicable, so...let's leave it at the fact that until I was out on my own, I didn't get to pick what happened to me on trips. I do often travel with my friends, who are always up to do the dumb shit I concoct for us, but any travel with another person involves compromise, and sometimes I just don't want to compromise, or to irritate my friends. Even though I know they probably won't be, I still worry they will, and sometimes I don't want to worry.

I also never internalized the idea that doing things alone was sad or weird. It's a social cue that I completely missed. The first time a friend of mine randomly came across me eating alone in a restaurant in college, she said, "Sam, why are you eating alone?" and I said, baffled, "Because I wanted dinner?"

I was twenty years old before it occurred to me that other people would feel strange eating alone in a restaurant, and then only because she told me she'd be too self-conscious. I was thirty before I realized most people would be self-conscious traveling alone, something I'd been doing since I was seventeen. And there's nothing wrong with wanting to be with other people -- some people love company or are nervous traveling alone or just plain don't get the appeal, and that's entirely fine.

But I love knowing that everything I do is for me alone. I can go to the weird museum or check out the odd store or do strange secret things to delight myself and never worry that I'm making life unpleasant for someone. I can be as selfish as I want. That's very rare for me and very precious. Also why I will probably never have a permanent romantic partner, but that's also free therapy for some other time.

The truth is, when you are alone, nobody actually knows that. Yes, if you're the only person at your table in a restaurant you're obviously alone, but nobody knows you aren't just getting a bite to eat before meeting up with your many cool friends. I don't look at anyone I see out in the world and go "Oh sad sack, look at them without anyone to hang out with." I think most of us worry everyone is saying that, and none of us actually are saying that.

And when I have been asked if I'm with someone and said, "Oh, I'm traveling on my own", people universally react with envy. "That must be amazing. I couldn't do it," or "I've never gone on a trip by myself, is it fun?" I've never had anyone say or imply that I'm a loser who couldn't find someone else to travel with. Quite the reverse.

Recently I had the thought that if I was more afraid of being alone I would probably have more intimate friendships or at any rate a much wider social circle, because I would need someone else to go with me on adventures and I would have to internalize the idea that it's okay to inconvenience or bore someone else at times, which I never really have. But that's kind of a tautology; "if I was less okay being alone I'd be less alone" is cyclical reasoning, when the truth is I'm someone who is a little fucked up about other people but also just genuinely enjoys solitude.

I love my friends, and I try very hard to form strong bonds with them despite that being really hard for me. I do get lonely, and I spend more time alone than is probably good for me. I get very anxious before solo trips. But I will also always need times when I am alone and only ever have to worry about myself. And once I'm launched on the trip I fucking love it. There are very few joys to rival walking out early in the morning into a strange city and knowing that the day and the city are both yours and yours alone.

Also sometimes I pretend I'm a spy, or an art historian on the trail of a stolen painting, or an academic writing a very important book. That's fun as hell.

Anyway, even when I do travel alone my friends are only a text message away, and I get to see cool stuff that I bring back to my room at night and share with all of you. I love sharing my adventures with you guys.

So yeah. My thesis is that nobody will even notice you're alone and if they do they'll probably think you're fucking cool for doing it, and meanwhile you get to do exactly what you want and nothing you don't. I think everyone should at least try it. You don't have to do a four-country trip through Europe for your first time out; you can just find something in another city that you want to see -- a museum or a zoo or a play or a cool burger joint -- book a trip, arrive Friday night and leave Sunday afternoon. And if it turns out you don't like traveling alone, that's okay too. There's no inherent moral virtue in being alone any more than there is in not wanting to be.

I just think it's super cool to sometimes go haring off on my own and do dumb shit. :D

[nethhiri]

Marooned: Chapter 7

Kid x FemReader x Killer

Warnings: Sort of suggestive at the end

Now Boarding

It took you no time at all to make it back to the treehouse. Recently, you had pictured yourself jumping for joy when you were finally going to leave this island, but now, you were just really ticked off. Whatever the lady equivalent of blue balls was, you had it. Guess I didn't realize how pent up I am. "Your fucking crew is already pissing me off, Blondie." You poked him in the center of his chest to punctuate every word. "By the way, you're getting off this shithole. Be grateful you were only here a few days instead of years." Laying the back of your hand against his neck and forehead, you thought maybe his fever had gone down. He at least wasn't sweating like he was before. 

You grabbed the stuff you wanted to bring with you, wishing you had some kind of bottoms among your things to wear. All it would take is a curious hand reaching for your shirt or a strong breeze and your business would be on full display. You strongly doubted Kid pirates were the type to keep their hands to themselves. You also strongly doubted their captain would appreciate you breaking the crews' fingers in return. Or maybe he would. After all, he seemed to enjoy your bad attitude. 

A discordant collection of voices and loud laughter signaled the return of a group of Kid pirates. Before they came to fetch their vice-captain, you made the hasty decision to pull your gun out of its parcel, along with the leather holster you custom made to fit its strange shape. You started to put it around your waist over your shirt and thought better of it, instead putting it in the same place but underneath. That way it couldn't be seen and you could get to it if you needed to. It would mean giving someone a full moon but you didn't think you would mind if the occasion called for it. 

A pirate with blue-gray dreadlocks and patchwork skin called up to you, "Captain told me to come get Killer. Can I come up?" 

A pirate who asks permission? Interesting. Poking your head out of the hatch so that your voice could be heard, "Knock yourself out." You thought about how difficult it was for Kid to get Killer up here in the first place and wondered how hard it would be to get him out. Could always break the floor to make a wider opening. Since no one is coming back. The thought made you a little sad and a touch anxious. You were stepping out of your territory and into Kid's. You made a mental note to try to behave. The less attention drawn to yourself the better. 

A soft knock against wood announced the arrival of the blue-haired pirate. He cleared his throat. "I'm Heat." He pushed himself through the hatch. 

"Okay." You gestured to where Killer was leaning against the wall. 

The pirate called Heat threw Killer over his shoulder, pausing at first when he saw Killer's face without his mask. His long blond hair obscured his face like this anyway, and it was pitch black outside with the exception of the torches the group held. He started to descend then cleared his throat again, "Captain told me to get you, too."

"Should I get on your other shoulder?" Heat offered a laugh through his nose. You continued, "I'll come down but... just don't look up." You looked away before your cheeks could get hot. Again it was dark, still you didn't need to reveal yourself...or that you were armed...to anyone right now. 

Heat nodded and slipped out of view with Killer. You took one last look around, grabbed your pack, and followed. The conversation and laughter ceased when you walked over to the group with Heat. "Let's go," he commanded. It was awkwardly quiet and you felt very out of place being at least several inches shorter with a much smaller frame than the surrounding party. You kept your eyes forward as you felt several stares here and there. 

You watched as one of the men grabbed an oddly-shaped, enticing, yellow fruit from on overhanging branch. "I would leave that," you helpfully offered. The man snorted at you and rolled his eyes before shoving the entire thing in his mouth. That was my shot at being nice. He would regret it, that you were certain of. You estimated in around three to five hours he would be experiencing some of the worst cramps of his life. Stoplight fruit was so called because if it was red, you should stop eating it and if it was green, it was safe to eat. Therefore, yellow was in-between, not deadly but not benign either. You knew of that one before ending up here. It was common on islands in the area. You swear you saw Heat stifle a laugh. He must know, too. 

The Victoria Punk was beautiful. Both because you hadn't seen a ship in years and because it simply was a beautiful ship. You didn't get a good look the first time you had encountered it. The skull figurehead was incredibly impressive in person, and huge. Illuminated by torchlight, the teeth glowed orange like molten iron. It was probably the last thing some sailors saw before getting sunk. The nostalgia of being on a ship and feeling the wind in your face pulled a smile out of your sour features. Your admiration was cut short.

"Havin second thoughts, girlie?" The voice startled you a little, not having noticed Kid get off the ship. 

"Not at all, Captain." 

"Then get yer ass on board. Heat will show ya where ya can stay."

"Not without Mini. Remember the deal?" 

Kid rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Hurry up." He wondered how long you would wait for an imaginary friend to materialize. 

You put your hands around your mouth and yelled towards the trees. "MINERVA, LET'S FUCKIN GO. LAST TIME I'M ASKIN." You would be lying to yourself if you thought you wouldn't be sad leaving her behind. She was wild, like yourself, though, and you couldn't force her to do anything she didn't want to do. Nothing happened for a minute and Kid tugged the collar of your shirt like he was a millisecond away from dragging your ass. Suddenly, the sound of snapping branches accompanied by a soft rumble quickly approached, saplings being toppled closer and closer to the beach. A wall of sand and dust flew up as the beast skidded to a stop a few feet away from you. A huge, wet nose with sharp tusks poked out of the dust and snorted into your face. "I said I was sorry. What more do you want from me?" As the sand settled, a massive shape with reddish-brown fur and a black stripe down the back was revealed.

Apparently, Kid was now the second largest red-head on the beach. "YER OUTTA YER FUCKIN MIND IF YA THINK THAT FOUL THING IS GETTIN ON MY SHIP." A fucking boar. A huge fucking boar. This bitch is something else. Mini turned her attention to Kid and lowered her head, giving Kid a better look at how big and how sharp the tusks growing from her snout were. 

"Package deal." You crossed your arms over your chest, staring at Kid. "And she smells better than most of your crew." Your hand rustled around in your bag before pulling out the tincture for Killer, tutting as you did so. 

Kid growled, hating that he would have to relent. He grabbed your chin and made you look up at him. In the background, Mini tensed. "One chance. Do ya hear me? One. Or we will have the finest fuckin pig roast on the entire sea." He pulled you close enough that his breath was hot on your ear, at the same time you felt cold metal tracing up the back of your thigh. "Did ya think I wouldn't notice?" He laughed and sent a shiver up your spine, maybe for the wrong reasons. The cold metal reached up the back of your shirt despite your protests and tugged your weapon from its holster. "Yer absolutely rotten." Kid stood back up to his full height and turned it over in his hand. "Cute." He added it to his bandolier. He grinned and gestured towards the ship as you stared daggers at him. 

"Fuck you," you spat in his direction as you walked past him. That was fine. You were pretty good with your own two hands when it came to defending yourself. I don't think he recognized my gun. But Killer might.

Kid gave your ass a slap as you walked by, much to the delight of his crew, who laughed and taunted from the deck of the ship. "Yer gonna," Kid promised. He decided that he would show you around instead of Heat, starting with his cabin. 

Next

[lokorum]

Pls rant about non romance cole…he’s my favorite character in anything, ever and it feels so sad that we never got to have a deeper relationship w him. Like the mechanics/possible lore of having a romance with a spirit are so tantalizingly interesting but no…also doubting we will see him in veil guard which leaves me so so broken …

*looks at their pile of unpacked feelings about cole*

so ૮( ◡̀_◡́)ა where to start....................

first of all uh! im not good at talking! that's why i draw phphp but i'll try my best to resurrect my memories from 2014 and share it with you!! sorry if it will sound weird, english is not my native language! 

well WELL from the begining then. i remember spending hours  more like days hhhh thinking about how weird and cool the recruiting scene with cole is? later when he is already with the inquisition, our party is either on guard around him or kinda treats him like he is helpless and needs special attention or guidance or something like that? demonising someone like him or framing them as in need of help are like textbook behavior ofc and im not here to be a hater, i just noticed it? moments with solas and varric fighting over him like a divorced couple are super cute for sure!!

but i remember being confused because excuse me, out of all of them, this guy??, this feral bat that is chilling on the ceiling like it's a lounge-zone inside Lucius' head, created especially for him?

he is confident. also a little bit nervous, a bunch mysterious and just ghostly cool. but also confident. (im not saying this confidence is not misplaced sometimes btw x) he even tells you that if you'll leave your head you'll die! what a jokester (҂ ꒦ິヮ꒦ິ)

and the whole quest with templars and envy are soooo horror coded, i love it!! it looked a bit silly, sure

(even after so many years im not able to get rid of the image in my brain phphphp) 

but it's still a very interesting quest!! dorian is ✨the bestie✨ but i'm always picking templars bc the implications of the story are just so good

1. its placed at the beginning of the game and your character is probably confused and anxious and dont yet worked out the routine of how to deal with their new title\powers + not every inquisitor character would want to be in the spotlight.

imagine you suddenly got yourself into position where a lot of people looking up to you, listening to what you saying, placing their hopes on you or waiting for you to fail? this is terrible! id 1000% just jumped out of a cliff!!! a small one, but still 

2. you meeting the guy who basically came from a place you now have unlimited access to.

he is: a) almost as confused as you are b) possibly came to this world without knowing consequences of that decision c) along the way he is figuring out how to be himself in the environment that is nothing like where he used to live. wow thats just like forced immigration *nervous laugh*

3. and let's not forget that you are meeting him inside your head and you can say to him "you look familiar".

dont know about you but apparently i dont need much to start screaming ¯(ツ)/¯

also can i just spend the moment to say that this is three (3) identical dialogue options??????????

the screenshot is from here btw

how awesome would it be to be able to figure out stuff together? to find comfort in someone, with someone who barely experienced it this way? to build on your strong sides? like "hope" for cole and i guess "unhingedness" for the inquisitor? i bet they would ground each other easily as well: cole distracting inq by being unintentionally mischievous and inq would have a notepad with cole's "firsts ____" or they would just read together. oh im such a sucker for hurt\comfort\some things cant be healed stuff uaaaaaaaaa

ALSO THE "FORGET" THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the drama the horror the tension!!!!!!!! you can fight me over this but heres the thought:

cole being so stressed that he is erasing\being on the edge of erasing the inquisitor's memories??????

i got the feeling that cole's confidence in the concept of "help" is, among other things, makes him being able to zoom in on something borderline obsessively? or vise versa - dismissively, not noticing "it hurts, its not for the better"? he thanks you when you promise to kill him, he cries when you do not. i swear this man (─ ‿ ─)

+quick addition bc im not entirely sure: so if i got it right, the anchor makes the inquisitor "too bright" to read? so among all the people we know about inq is the one that cole can't truly empathise on this lvl? on spiritual lvl you might say lsdkjflksdjflkj sorry!!!!! but jokes aside,this is like the perfect ground to build both comforting stories 

"someone from the party notices that cole is hanging near inq before inq do, and when asked he explains it by saying something like "dry warm skin. the air is stilled with quiet, easy to breathe. i followed the shining whispers and then i was followed no more" with the most plain face possible? "

and "today for lunch i have glass" kind of stories, like "the inquisitor is cornered and possibly bleeding and probably on the verge of passing out and they know that situation is bad and no one should follow/find them, "it's better to wait it out and deal with it on my own" kind of clown behavior. so they laugh tiredly at how pathetic they are, maybe remembering something similar from their childhood, remarks from their sibling for ex., and just trying their best to not think about how they need cole's help, cole's presence. the sense of safety that comes when he is around" 

uh!!! that wasnt neither quick or painless so i'll go make a tea wait a second please

im back!! so since i talked about the forget thing i must confess - i dont really like cole's personal quest???? again, im not complaining or anything but i remember feeling kinda empty while playing it? like deep inside me, there was something sad, but it was so far away,i coudn't even feel it properly?

both human and spirit versions of his ending made me feel like the distance between you and him lengthened, and maybe you could do something about it before but now? this "something" is missing and you're lost and can't even tell for sure if theres was a chance to do something in the first place? and cole just moved on? its super logical considering he is not a romance option but phphph so, i rarely romance someone in games, partly bc rpg tends to be a little horny and im that kind of ace who is not interested in this, partly bc i tend to pay attention to non-romanceable characters, so when i started to explore last da:i dlc and i saw cole having gf i was like "well ouch".

imagine your inq has a crush on cole but they never were able to say it clearly?

mb it was a melancholic slowburn, and your character was going through too much and felt like burdening cole with their problems would be unfair?

maybe they tried but the timing was wrong, the words felt stupid, and their hands felt too dirty, too guilty?

oh anon its been ten years and its still huuuuuurts!!!! if you following me for a while you know that im an edge lord in poor disguise so its not surprising for neither you or me that i ended up rumbling about inexplicable sadness and crushing existential guilt, but sorry for that anyway!! if anyone would want me to talk about something specific, or to draw something - im here, staring at the wall, listening to cole's banter :') thank you for the wonderful question tho, it was more than just nice to return back to this ship. im so agreeing with you about cole being the fave character from everything, but i also understand that this could mean being very unsatisfied with the way he was portrayed at some points or just with the fact that characters like him are rare so im sending you warm and tight hugs and a little sketch!! <3 

let's collectively accept the fact that dav gonna be a beautiful mess, we gonna love it (passionately), we gonna be hurt by it (not surprisingly) and COLE FOREVER WILL BE THE BEST DA CHARACTER EVER IM NOT GONNA CHANGE MY MIND FIGHT ME

[thestarfishinjootsoffice]

Hello! I was wonder if you could do Slasher headcannons with a S/O who struggles with Anxiety? If not that's alright!

Now I don't have an anxiety disorder so im doing research and I'm not sure it's you're talking about an anxiety disorder or just dealing with getting anxious but I'll make it the first one.

I tried to make this more serious but I failed

Slashers with reader who struggles with anxiety!

Michael

He may notice you seem extremely stressed about things, whether small or big and he doesn't understand it I mean if you're away from him then yeah he gets pretty nervous but about somethings like dates and schedules to the point it messes up in your daily life? Why?

But tries to comfort you. If he sees you fatigued then he'll usher you into bed, if you can't sleep then he'll just lay down next to you until you do which I'm unsure how long it'll take but he's quite the patient man, if he's in his younger days that is.

If you start crying because of it or get a panic attack and come to him he'll sit and let you cry on him and may have a hand on your hand, head or back while at it. He wants you to get help despite his strong dislike for you being away from him he sucks it up. But at the same time he also doesn't, because look like happened when he was with Loomis, he was supposed to help him and look how he turned out.

But he'll suck it up. If he notices if your mental health is getting worse when you are "getting treated" He'll just find and kill whoever is in charge of you.

Sinclair brothers

Bo has a hard shell yes but inside his heart is bouncing all over the place of worry. He may have had his fair share of panic attacks and it's horrible. He hopes there's something he can do to help. He listens to whatever problem you may be having and comforts you with what things you may like. He also tries not to lose his temper or yell around or at you. Which may be hard since he's angry 90% of the time but anything to help your anxiety reduce at least just a bit. He has magical hands that can and will remove anything that stresses you out and magical hands that will make you forget what stresses you out... He'll cuddle the shit out of you behind closed doors with many affections and kisses. Or just warm and gentle holding. You choose he'll do it. 🫶

Vincent is probably the most understanding, his worries and anxiety attacks when he imagines someone seeing him without his mask or when he can't find it. He doesn't know what much he can do since he's very awkward and and can't speak and is just '🧍' but he can listen and hold you however you'd like. If you want to touch and play with his hair then please do so, if you want to do a little a wax sculpting you're more than allowed. You're both doing wax sculptures to take your little mind off things, but if you start worrying if it's going to look good or not then he just "✋". If it's work then he'll bring you drinks and food of your choice and signals you to take a break. If your boss keeps pushing you to the point you break down then uh... Hey why did your boss go missing suddenly?

Lester the most carefree and happy though seen what it does to his brothers and hates it that it also happens to you. Very very sad. He takes you out on walks and Or driving around. Literally just holds you if he notices you being too nervous. And just the most sweetest soft kisses and affirmations that everything will be alright and you don't have to worry about anything because he'll be helping you through it all. Just soft cuddling as your pour your feelings out to him. He doesn't want you to feel alone and he won't make you feel alone. Snacks and drinks and heavy blankets and anything else that might help you for the time being. If there's someone or something that stresses you out too much they're either gone or oh look it looks like there's a hand popping out of the pile of roadkill! Anyways let's play with jonesy.

Bonus: jonesy! She just knows when you're feeling anxious before you do. plays with you, lets you pet her, kisses you. Just lays around you. Loves going on calming road trips with Lester so you're going too if you want to that is. If you're worried about your looks or something she'll just bite or bark at whoever gives you the looks or talks bad about you. She'll never let you feel bad she's your best friend 🫰🫵

Hannibal

He noticed this when you were first appointed, it's okay nothing special so did many of his previous patience but your case is really severe and you don't seem to get better. That's alright. There isn't always immediate changes it takes time. But no matter how much he gives time Or uses his techniques you don't seem to get better. This bothers him. And eventually he finds himself attached to you, like really attached and not just your disorder but for who you are. So now he is no longer Dr lecter. He's your best friend (boyfriend?) hannibal. Isn't that illegal? No because he's no longer your therapist and you're not longer his patient. How does that make sense? Don't ask anymore further questions.

He can read you like a book and he'll bring all your necessities you need when you start feeling really tense. During the attacks he'll rub your back while he holds a glass of cold water to your mouth while telling you it's okay. It also stresses him tf out. If you start becoming distant or get irritated more than usual he prepare something nice for you like food or a very pleasant warm bath and he assures you that he'll be there to help you. He'll make a healthy schedule for you and make you start looking after yourself, though he wonders if you're gonna leave him if you start finally getting better.

There may come a time where you are in a corner and uncontrollably crying and hannibal is just across the room staring at you as he calls will and says "Will, Will they won't stop crying what do I do." He knows what to do but is too afraid to do anything.

Billy and stu

It's really chaotic.

You may be on the ground and stu is just screaming and aggressively searching on his phone on what to do while Billy is shakily holding a glass of water and just says

"I heard water helps... You want water...?"

You're practically going to be sandwiched between them when it's cuddling time. And god forbid anyone makes you anxious and cry because they're gonna be on the news report later.

At least one of them is always going to be on your side incase anything distraughts you and there's gonna be no one there to help you ease down. Stu will be there to make jokes to help you feel lighter and Billy is just uh Billy. You three will maybe watch a movie or two and go on fun or relaxing outings. No person or something will make their s/o feel anything negative.

[dreamieparadise]

✨️ Character Spotlight ✨️

Name: Momina Luqman

Nickname: Momo

Alias: The Heart Reader

Gender: Nonbinary

Pronouns: She/They

Sexuality: Demi/Pan

Age: TYB! 14, TYL! 24[Verse Dependent]

Appearance: medium brown skin, heart shape baby face, plump two toned lips, overbite, beauty mark on the right side of her mouth, an upturned nose, large round almond shape eyes with long eyelashes and dark brown eyes with orange flecks [her eyes become full orange when she is using her full abilities], dark brown wavy hair. Her hair goes to mid back as a teen and to her butt as an adult. As an adult she has a stud on the right side of her nose [usually a star but sometimes a flower.] As both a teen and an adult her ears are pierced [she got them pierced by her mother when she was a few months old.] She has a curvy body and her weight fluctuates a lot. Her hair tangles and gets messy easily.

Birthday: July 8th

Height: TYB! 5'0'', TYL! 5'3''

Ethnicity: Somali

Personality: Bubbly, caring, and a social butterfly. Momo absolutely loves meeting and learning about new people. She is tries her best to be understanding, accepting and patient but in all honesty she is someone who gets irritated easily. However, she is learning to manage her irritation. Thankfully she is someone who's temper dies out as quickly as it appears. Being an older sister is something they are proud of, they are very nurturing and will mother just about anyone [including her own parents when there is a chance.] But despite this they are also very anxious and awkward, desperately not wanting to be disliked and thus also has people pleasing tendencies. They are unintentionally loud but try their best to be quieter when this is brought to their attention. Just like 99.99% of Somali people, they talk with their hands. They are also a very animated person, often giggling and bouncing around. Unfortunately they are also someone who tears up very easily [this even if they aren't sad] and it's something she is very embarrassed of. They are also very stubborn and can be impulsive but those closest to them can keep her in check.

Main Love Interest: Gokudera Hayato

Family: father, mother, 6 siblings [Momo is the second oldest but first girl]...over 100+ relatives if you count her tribes.

Abilities:

Psychic: medium, can see and interact with spirits. Uses this ability to gather information such as names, secrets, and ability to map places [but she is terrible with directions/telling people where to go] sometimes has visions of the future and can tell if someone is cursed or has evil around them. The cost for this is it takes a toll and worsens her health.

Weapons: qolxad [dagger], belawa [short sword], gãschãn [shield] and a gun. All have been decaled/DIYed to Momo's desired look.

Flame(s): Main sun, lightning and storm. Her flames are strong due to the strength of her will and can be all-encompassing. She can easily summon them without thinking, just needing a strong emotion to have them bursting forward. A snake tattoo appears on her body when she uses her flames.

Affiliation: Amare family/Luqman family, Neo-Vongola, CEDEF [when Colonnello comes calling]

Mentor(s): Reborn, Colonnello and Lal

Job: Information Gatherer, soldier [!?]

Languages: English, Somali, French, Japanese, Tagalog, and Italian

Likes: socializing, helping, learning, napping,

Dislikes: rudeness, wasted time, math,

Health: Momo is someone who has chronic health issues, along with anxiety. These issues get exasperated when she uses her abilities. She uses her sun flames in order to keep pushing herself past her limit when needed.

Love languages: Quality time, acts of service

Trivia:

⭐Momina means "faithful", "truly believing". Luqman means "wise" or "intelligent."

⭐her number is 63

⭐ associations: apples, flowers, purples and pinks, stars, the moon

⭐ Her best friend/sister is none other than Miruku Osashima [@mimiruku]

⭐ Has a tendency to talk to herself but because of her abilities people who know sometimes get confused and think she's speaking to spirits. She sometimes lies because that's less embarrassing [she isn't a very good liar.]

⭐ Momo has a tendency to claim those close to her as family as, in her mind the hierarchy is family and then friends. This isn't too say she doesn't love and care for her friends deeply, just that she is very family oriented.

⭐ has a lisp, but it lessened as she grew into adulthood.

[destinyc1020]

Destiny I am so TIRED. Like being a black woman is just.... You can't even talk about the things that black women deal with and even WOC on your blog without anon. getting mad or annoyed and acting like we should stop complaining about it and just keep it to ourselves. I just am so tired and feel like this is why racism, anti-blackness, and misogynior is gonna continue to happen. Because people don't want to understand or worse don't care that is does happen, but have know problems using us as tokens, or to stay the strong friend or just be invisible. I'm crying while typing this and sometimes it just makes me question why black women are even here on this earth? Is it just to be made fun of and used for other people. Why don't people love us? Even when we are uplifting each other people get pissed or mad we are making it about ourselves and not including everyone and not being humble enough. God forbid you are a dark-skinned black woman. I just don't want to be here anymore especially knowing people don't have empathy for us, like what is the point.

Awww girl.... I felt this to my core. 😭

I got teary-eyed just reading this. 😔 Yea girl, it is so exhausting sometimes. Like, you can't even share your own experience or shed light on some of the experiences of others who are woc like yourself w/out someone coming around saying: "get over it!", "it's annoying!", "why are you playing the race card?", on and on and on. Author Zora Neal Hurston said once that "Black women are the mules of the earth", and it seems to be true. 😔

Anyway, Idk if you are religious in any way, but just know that you are not alone, and that no matter what people think about you, or whatever negative thing someone might say, just know that you are a child of God, and God made NO mistakes. Just because imperfect humans can't see your worth, it does NOT (I repeat, does NOT) mean that you are worthless.

Remember, you are beautiful! Don't let what anyone says take away from your own personal beauty and self-love. ❤️ 🙏🏾

Former First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt once said: "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent". REMEMBER that. 😉

Lastly, Idk if you were serious about not wanting to be on this earth anymore, but just in case you were, I will give you some resources to look up just in case you're feeling down and depressed.

❤️❤️

[mythica0]

More Loud house hc’s (both tword and non-tword)

This is a LONG post so click read more at your own risk. I don’t have any for lily because she’s a baby

Lori:

- She genuinely has no idea what her passion is and is worried she’ll be stuck in retail forever.

-despite not playing them often she’s actually pretty decent at video games.

-before she met Bobby she would fantasize about a boyfriend that was just like him. (He’s her perfect man, essentially.)

-she was forced to be like a third parent because she’s the oldest so she had to take on a more authoritarive role.

——(this means it’s tword stuff now)

-she doesn’t hate being tworded, but she doesn’t really like it either. She’s okay with it sometimes but you need to be really gentle.

-on the rare occasion she twords her siblings she does amazing aftercare.

-her death spot is her knees, but she hates it when people tword her there.

Lenny:

-she’s Disney princess coded

-in relation to the above, she has befriended wild animals before.(usually birds)

-she has named certain inanimate objects and treats them like people. (Not me projecting)

-she is extremely gullible(canon lol)

-she has dyslexia

-she loves the autumn because of the pretty colors and sweaters. (She also loves pumpkin spice)

———

-she’s the most open about enjoying being tworded.

-she’s extremely twordish all over

- her worst spot is her neck

-she’s very feather sensitive

-her laughs always come out in little, rapid giggles

-she kicks her feet but if she accidentally kicks someone she feels really bad and apologizes profusely.

Luna:

-all though Rock is her favorite, she listens to all music genres

-she has sensory issues and keeps her hair short cause it bothers her when her hair touches her neck

-when she’s sad or anxious she’ll just put on headphones and listen to music while staring at the ceiling

-she is super emotionally attached to her guitar and gave it a name, but no one else knows. (The name is Jared. The guitar’s name is Jared)

-due to the massive number of times she’s had to repair Jared, she is well versed in guitar repair and will sometimes repair other people’s guitars for money.

——

-when she twords people she likes to pretend they’re an instrument.

-she hates being touched on her neck so it’s pretty much a no go spot.

-her death spot is her underarms.

Luanne:

-she loves comedy skits and tried to make them but decided they weren’t her style

-she has a tumblr and makes references to it all the time that no one gets

-she is really good at impressions

-she enjoys crafting as a hobby

-she uses humor to cope (I stole this one from someone on TikTok)

——

-as I’ve said before, she is THE tickle monster

-she’s the only sibling who’s aware of the tword community and she considers herself a part of it as a ler

-she also enjoys being tworded, she finds it fun

-she often uses twords to cheer up her siblings

-she’s open to the fact that she enjoys twords but she’s slightly embarrassed about the community and doesn’t mention it.

-her death spot is her sides & ribs

Lynn jr:

-she HATES that sports are divided by gender

-she puts all of her self worth into winning at everything, and gets very insecure if she loses

-she has very strong lungs and can hold her breath for a long time, as well as shout really loud

- she eats a lot of food because she spends a lot of calories

-she despises diet culture

-she always has a lot of energy

-she has a very short temper

——

-she will sometimes use twords to win at something(even though she knows she could win without it lol)

-she is super embarrassed at the fact that she’s twordish because she sees it as a weakness.

-she is a ruthless ler when she wants to be

-she is very weak to anticipation

-her death spot is her feet

Lincoln:

-he copes using escapism, usually into comics

-he writes sometimes but he doesn’t share it with anyone

-he overthinks everything

-he has thalassophobia (fear of deep water)

-he sunburns very easily

-he has like a 10 step skincare routine he does every night before bed

——

-he is the most twordish loud

-he gets lee moods sometimes but doesn’t recognize them in himself

-he gets easily flustered especially when it’s brought up that he enjoys being tworded

-very weak to raspberries

-he squirms a lot

-his death spot is his belly

Lucy:

-she’s left handed

-she practices witch craft (this is canon)

-she believes in magic, spirituality and all sorts of mythical creatures. (As do I.)

-she helps Luna with deeper lyrics sometimes

-she stays very still while asleep, so much so that once Lenny saw her taking a nap one day and thought she died

-she watches horror movies and reads horror stories so often that she could probably survive any horror scenario thrown at her

-her favorite animal is bats(this might as well be canon)

-she hates summer because the days are too long and she doesn’t like the sun or the heat

-she struggles with social cues

——

-she hates her laugh and her smile and gets embarrassed when she’s tworded because of it

-her laughs are very quiet no matter hiw she’s being tworded

-she doesn’t know why her siblings (and herself) enjoy it but she doesn’t mind

-she has tworded her siblings in a fake horror scenario

-her death spot is her sides

Lana:

-she’s a dog therian, specifically a chocolate lab

-due to all the random stuff she eats, she has an amazing immune system and an iron gut, she could probably drink bleach and be fine

-she loves spring because it rains a lot and there’s a lot of mud

-she will just stand in the rain for fun

-she’s scared of the dark

-she’s great with animals and can understand them very well

——

-she usually wins the tword fights she and Lola get into because she gets the jump on Lola

-she is very prone to attacking without any warning

-her laughter is very loud and gruff

-her death spit is her underarms

Lola:

-she is not afraid to commit petty theft

-she has a hard time getting along with others and has a very short temper

-she has a massive sweet tooth

-she believes in mythical creatures very strongly and has tried to catch fairy’s before

-she models Lenny’s outfits for her frequently

——

-she has a very screechy laugh

-she pretends she hates being tworded but she really doesn’t

-she will kick you and she will not feel bad about it

-she will absolutely get revenge

-she’s very ruthless

-her death spot is her knees

Lisa:

-her favorite music artists are Eminem and Bo burnam

-she can talk extremely fast due to her practice rapping

-she is HoH (canonically has tinnitus)

-she is resistant to most chemicals due to all the experiments she does

——

-she sees twords as an experiment

-when she’s tworded she kinda just- ragdolls

-she is very good at handling teasing, as she just over analyzes it

-I’ve said this before but she has absolutely done mass tword experiments on all her siblings- and knows all their weaknesses

-her death spot is her ribs

[socksareendangered]

Yandere Sanitized Agent 3 x Reader (or no yandere if you ain't cool with it)

power up!!

Yandere Sanitized Agent 3 x Sanitized Octoling Reader

agent 3 can be considered genderless, so can reader

>you were one of the first thousand to be infected by the mind melting sanitzation

>following orders like you had nothing else to do with your life, easy to control and more loyal then a dog brought in at birth

>you weren't out when all the chaos happened,missing how that eight girl failed to save the world from the sanitzation

>what was that anyway..? you didn't know and weren't bothered to think about it, things going by normally till you bumped into someone knew

>looked tall.. and strong, cant tell that well from the thick jacket they wore

>hypnotizing and sick green eyes with the side of their face captured by a thick substance

>first time you felt anything since you ended up like this, for agent 3 was.. more taken aback

>turned into a commander by tartar to lead octarians to infect the rest of the world, how dare a random soldier bump into them.. but they cant stay mad at that adorable face of yours

>they brushed you off after staring for so long, going to do whatever they were told before

>but that face of yours never left their mind, not when their screaming at soldier or killing innocent inklings in inkopolis

>never left, the more and more they thought about you.. the more sick they felt and less focused they became

>started to become obsessed, starting to stalk you around the base trying to know every detail about you

>wanting to remember everything you were known for before you ended up like this

>only became worse from there, stealing clothes or getting other octolings to ask you questions

>wouldn't do it themselves no, their gut and chest feel heavy, face become pink and flushed

>you didn't even understand what was going on, not having the thought process anymore to think.. at all

>answering questions without much thought and not even noticing your clothes going missing, poor you turned so oblivious to the world

>only when agent 3 started stalking is when you finally felt something was.. wrong and off

>becoming anxious without knowing why, doing drills with a heavy and dark feeling behind you

>though your commander, agent 3 finally approached you again after so long.. you felt fine, why did you feel this way?

>no complaints since you're finally able to focus on everything now, such a sudden change you forgot you were even worried

>agent three was thrilled whenever you got so anxious from them alone.. such a good feeling for someone such as 3!

>that sick feeling never went away.. it stuck with them now even when they weren't even close to you

>soon enough agent three got sick of everyone else being so.. close to they're octoling

>slowly.. very careful with how they get the job done, targeting anyone who touches you for longer then they like

>nobody even thought somebody could be killing octolings on base, brushed it all off on a hefty mission

>though some found it weird that only people that were close to you were the ones that ended up dead.. causing a few octolings to avoid you like a plague

>since sanitized octolings are close to having a hive mind the rest started to avoid you

>since your closest friends that you remember are dead and other octolings started to avoid you.. it made you feel depressed

>even if you couldn't feel this was depressing and weighted down on you

>the dear that agent 3 made themselves to be stuck close to the sad and lonely you

>showing false sorrow and empathy for the people that you lost, hiding the sinister to having you all to themself

whoopie!! another one down! i'm having some fun writing all of this stuff 🙌

[terriblewomanyuri]

When I started Hoshikuzu Telepath, I expected a mediocre CGDCT and slight yuri undertones that started and ended at the forehead-elepathy.

DAMN was I wrong.

Warning: MAJOR spoilers. This is pretty much a summary occasionally mixed in with my thoughts.

In short, if you haven't read Hoshikuzu Telepath, you should read it. It's really fucking good.

In long:

First off, Umika is a believable anxious character. She doesn't just get sad or withdrawn, she'll cry if she gets too overwhelmed or worried. That isn't to say there aren't anxious people who just shut down, but it is nice to see a character who cries and is still presented as emotionally strong.

Because Umika is! So many stories present protagonists that supposedly get up after being knocked down, but there's never the impressions that they're knocked down, just pushed back. They don't cry, get frustrated, or react poorly, they just have an obstacle they need to get around and, while the progress they make feels satisfying, it never feels like they overcome the internal strife they supposedly have.

With Hoshikuzu Telepath, things actually get worse before they get better. There's almost always something stressing out one of the members of the main cast, because they're all girls with some level of trauma, but it doesn't become oppressive at any point.

To start, Matataki joining was pretty lighthearted. There were some rough spots, but it kind of felt inevitable she'd join. The subsequent competition, Umika's panic attack during her speech, and the listless air of defeat after the competition was not where I expected the story to go, but it was what got me hooked.

The heartfelt conversation between Umika and Yuu in the lighthouse... that was YURI! It also sets up the core of Umika and Yuu's relationship and it's connection to light. And, of course, the fact that while Umika thinks she's an absolute failure, other people at school think its awesome that she makes model rockets is great! Because, yeah, that's what all people in a field of expertise experience at some point, or at least what they deserve. You have experience and think you're terrible, but someone without experience thinks its cool.

To be honest, I think Matataki is my favorite character. I'm a sucker for mechanics, I'm a sucker for characters with a gay little fang, and I relate to a lot of her character. Her relationship with Haruno is great, especially when she realizes she can't blow the material down the rocket tube because that would mean an indirect kiss. And of course, Haruno coming in when she's brooding, yelling about how she's gonna beat her in a competition and make her lose, then taking her goggles... excellent.

Side note: I would not object if this managed to become poly yuri. The relationships between our four main characters are all well established and they aren't relegated to only having deep and intimate character moments with their narrative foil.

Matataki facing off against Haruno, Umika, and Yuu was great, and her losing on purpose so she could go back to being alone was an amazing character moment. And then Haruno calling that she used an engine too small? AGHHH! Matataki getting pissed off and trying to push everyone away again is great! She's not just someone who says some kinda mean things and doesn't ever mean them, she genuinely says this to hurt, not because she hates anyone, but because she distrusts them. And earlier, she made Umika cry with her words, which just makes Umika coming back and making a speech about wanting to make a place where all of them can pursue their dreams and be comfortable... it feels so genuine because we've SEEN her pursue this goal!

Umika getting sick from all this exertion is a bit contrived, but it leads to some good yuri, so I have no complaints. Also Umika's mom works at the aquarium. I wonder if we'll get the state-mandated aquarium yuri date? Umika's gay little dream about Yuu is cute, and her asking Yuu to not do forehead-elepathy with anyone else is not just adorable, but a portent of the drama to come, as Yuu immediately does whatever Umika wants due to her desperation for someone who cares for her. While it just looks like a cute, two-sided yuri crush at this point, we can tell it's sowing the seeds for something that could be seriously codependent looking back. Also, while forehead-elepathy is obviously a (debatably) platonic stand-in for kissing, it feels way gayer. This is also where Yuu starts becoming aware of her feelings for Umika.

And here is where I start going feral over the chapter taglines. "I must be the only one who noticed that our hands are touching," shows Yuu's love for Umika so clearly. Umika is thrilled to have a companion like Yuu, and while she's pretty gay about it, she does not realize the extent of her influence on Yuu. Yuu thinks that Umika is the only one who truly and wholly accepts her and thus is desperate to be exactly what Umika wants her to be. Yet she also doesn't think that Umika could reciprocate those feelings, and thus worries about how their relationship would progress. Thus, she thinks that she's the only one who notices their hands touching.

The lighthouse meeting here demonstrates this perfectly. Yuu is following a request Umika gave her while delirious from fever with immense discipline. Then, Yuu is thrilled when Umika gets better at talking to other people. Then she's terrified. Terrified of Umika drifting away from her, terrified that if Umika doesn't need her anymore, she won't want her.

Umika gets better at talking to people and gives her presentation at the club leader meeting pretty well and tells Yuu about it. Yuu tries to voice her worries, but ultimately is afraid that Umika will push her away and plays it off and tells Umika that she's not doing forehead-elepathy with anyone else because Umika asked her too. And Umika doesn't remember, she apologizes, and Yuu calls herself stupid for it.

And the ending tagline here is GRAHHH. "An arm's length is so frustratingly short." Yuu wants to keep herself away, because she's becoming worried. She wants Umika to get better, and if Yuu gets too obsessed with Umika, she might try to stop that.

Yuu thinks that it's fine if Umika doesn't get better at talking to other people, because Yuu will always be able to understand her. And she feels terrible, because she wants Umika to get better at talking to other people, so the only person she can blame is herself.

She gets worse, but lets take a diversion to look at Haruno and Matataki and their gay ol' times together. Haruno arriving to Matataki, ready to ride on her motorcycle in a skirt, only for Matataki to put her in jeans and a biker jacket is great, but the fact that they talk about it being to Matataki's "taste," is... GRAHHHHH!!!

Haruno pouring out her worries about herself, talking about how she's grown, and thanking Matataki for helping improve is adorable. Haruno leaning over the railing, losing her balance, and falling back into Matataki's arms is adorable. And then Haruno says "I love it when... you're so strong and kind, Matataki-chan!" She was about to confess, I guarantee you.

Then Matataki gives her a new choker??? And Haruno grins like an idiot when she gets it and asks if she fits Matataki's tastes more now??? And then when Haruno asks her for help finding out what her grandfather's dreams were, she says "I love you!" when Matataki agrees????? They're so girlfriends.

Anyways, they've got a radio to the aliens now that only works intermittently and Yuu is FUCKED UP. She is panicking, torn between elation at possibly meeting her people and fear at leaving Umika. When they go to the coordinates, in the woods, where they think the UFO is going to land eventually, it doesn't come immediately. Then night passes and Matataki and Haruno leave Umika and Yuu to it.

Umika is positive, as usual, but then Yuu starts getting worried about her possessiveness. And then it gets fuckin' wild. The 4koma template that's only been broken for big moments is broken again as Yuu pins Umika to the ground and covers her mouth and starts talking about how "Only you could tug at my heart like that..." Then she starts caressing Umika's hand and face and talking about how Umika doesn't need other people, about how Yuu can understand her just fine, about how they should "stay together... forever." Then Yuu is overwhelmed with guilt and says that she doesn't really want to do any of that and runs off terrified.

I was NOT FUCKING EXPECTING THIS. I did not anticipate the series would delve into an actual toxic lesbian relationship, but here we are!

And, of course, Umika doesn't give up. Her digging through the grounds with her bare hands because she thinks that what the coordinates marked was actually a piece of meteorite that could restore the function of the radio... she really does love Yuu.

I'm getting a bit tired, so I won't go into their reconciliation, but it's nice seeing Umika realize her feelings for Yuu. And the fact that they both realize and say, in front of Haruno and Matataki, that they feel jealousy over each other in a way different than from friendship... c'monnnnn canon lesbians lets go, canon lesbians.

Also Matataki is getting interested in the Cosmic language (which is Esperanto! Pretty nice.) and I'm betting she's going to confess to Haruno in it so she can admit to herself that she's in love and then pass it off as an insult when Haruno asks what she said. Of course, this is going to be followed by Haruno saying it to Umika or Yuu, who will tell her what it actually means. Investing in this now.

The series does seem to be getting lighter now, what with Matataki in a maid outfit for the culture festival. I do like the scene where the middle schooler looks at the display from the Rocket Research Association and Umika shows her what everything does. It's nice seeing someone passing on their knowledge to someone and getting them interested in the field while sharing their passion. Even if they're only 15 (Umika, probably) and 14 (the middle schooler, probably) years old.

Also the yuri is getting cranked up after that mutual confession of jealousy, with Yuu and Umika pretty much flirting in public.

Also, can't remember when it happened, but Matataki really did say "Fuck them kids." Poor teacher gets constantly ignored, too.

This ended up being more of a summary than an analysis. Ah well.

The TVTropes page is also desperate to emphasize that these girls AREN'T EXPLICITLY ATTRACTED TO EACHOTHER GUYS ALRIGHT THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT CANONICALLY YURI!

TVTropes is wrong btw. They're gay. Gay as fuck.

[emophilzablr]

WILBUR SOOT CHART ANALYSIS.

— Most of my analysis focus more on the negative impacts simply for the fact that I am attempting to contextualize most of his actions we discuss, as we talk mostly about his love life and his lyrics, and well, the bad parts of him, since we are critical. Though I will talk about positive aspects at a lot of points. I chose to do from Sun to Mars as those are the most "important" aspects, I might do something on the more secondary placements another day. Enjoy! Send asks and curiouscats about it, if you have something to say.

Virgo sun, 2nd house.

Plus, Virgos look for something concrete, while the rest of him, we will get to it, is kind of fighting against it. Virgo is Wilbur’s essence, it's who he truly is, it's the most important aspect, so for him to heal this part, specially as his.

His Sun is in the second house which might cause most of his insecurities, Wilbur seeks security, he seeks to do exactly right, the moment he fails at relationships, at any goal, it's prone to destroying him. Every failure is hell.

Libra Moon, 3rd house.

Here we get to the hell in and out of it itself, so Libra moon by itself is not a problem, yet, in this house and in conjunction with Virgo, it really causes a reaction of emotions that is rather complicated. Because here it is, Virgo already needs to have strong connections, they can though live without them, Libra moon cannot, it's absolutely horrifying to not have, Libra needs desperately to have a partnership with someone, living without it can cause a deep, deep set, emptiness. Also, there's a trait shared by Virgo and Libra moon, their ability to find problems everywhere, specially in other people, which causes conflict, and after that, the feeling of losing this partnership because of this problem, once again, destroys him.

And now the 3rd house, where it all goes even more to shit, Virgos are rational, avoid emotions, so to balance that out, the moon should act as a facilitator to that, but well, as much as Libra moon is not bad at feelings, the 3rd house is. It's 8 or 80, emotions are either extremely rationalized and looked over, avoided, or it's in big bursts. AND AND AND, this we saw so CLEARLY in him, his opinions are always changing, and there's a tendency of him to change for people, change who he is. ALSO!!!!! This placement has something very important, they seek a change of scenery, they need to move constantly, start new things, because they will get anxious and restless with, well, settling with something and staying somewhere for a long time.

Plus, I don't even have to explain, this moon placement also really really is influenced by early childhood memories, so the struggles of his childhood are very, very influential in who he is.

Leo rising.

This one kinda makes me feel bad for him, so basically, Leo risings are painfully self aware and conscious of their appearance and how they're sounding, that remembering every person who ever rejected him fits this so perfectly. Now, put that together with Virgo, his insecurities are SO strong in his life, like he's so insecure it's SAD.

But most of who he is comes from it too, Leo risings are always popular, always take leading roles, always start shit, the band, the content creation, the writing of lore, as much as his insecurities come from here too, he's also always going to be popular, because it's part of his nature. He has a natural charm that is seen in Libra moon too.

Virgo mercury, 2nd/3rd house

It's a good placement to be honest, it does end up bringing insecurity too but, it just means he's intelligent, good communicator, curious, likes to go deep, to create, pay attention to details, though he really enjoys being known by his intelligence so any time he isn't, it definitely isn't his favorite thing.

Both 2nd and 3rd houses are great, big highlight on intelligence and big highlight on creativity, also big nerd, loves reading, researching, being connected and having interests. The 3rd house especially is crazy, he has so many interests, and he always goes deep in them.

This placement literally says, this man is autistic, or at least autistic coded.

Leo Venus, 1st house.

That's what you guys want isn't it you cunts, let's talk about love. Well, if you want to know the good, they're love bombers, extreme love bombers, they will court you, they enjoy the chase, they need you, they will die for you. Well, for a while at least. The expectations are always extremely high, so high it's almost impossible to reach them, and when you do, they have this urge to be the absolute focus of your life, they want to be seen as God by you basically, that's where most his relationships fail, he imagines this relationship, and then gets hurt by the fact that reality isn't exactly what he thought it would be.

Wilbur is insecure, by nature, by every placement, so well, as much as some people might think not, him having this placement means he is incredibly high maintenance in love, incredibly so. He needs to be reassured, he needs to hear, he needs declarations. I think that's what killed him with Amelia, he wasn't the light of her life, and she replaced him, quickly. That scarred every single relationship he had ever since, that Libra factor of avoidance comes back here, he might leave and be bored before the person even proves themselves, because the trauma of having everything he wanted in love proven to him not true really scarred him.

Shubble could be in the same situation, the conflict of getting that spotlight from her and from other people, the expectations he put. ALL HIS PLACEMENTS WERE CONSPIRING AGAINST THEM! Absolutely insane.

He will not only love bomb btw, he will leave everyone and everything behind for a relationship, he deposits not only his self worth, but his happiness and his livelihood for LOVE! Silly, but so me and so bpd…

Talking about BPD, it's in the first house, which means, deep love can turn into DEEP resentment when it ends. Also he needs so badly to be liked by others that as well can cause all these feelings, not liking him, or rejecting him, can be seen as a crime.

Mars in Leo, 1st house.

Again, he needs admiration, he needs the spotlight, not having it is awful, simply not his reality. This placement reinforces that he needs to mean something, to be something, to be something great, something big, and it makes his fear of not being even deeper, all of his placements seem to simply reinforce each other, to deepen his fears and insecurities.

— Ending notes: Wilbur is an intelligent person, with leadership skills and a very very strong urge to be loved, to be devoted, to shine, to be something big. His biggest fears are the lack of that, the feeling of mediocrity, boringness, and settlement. He's anxious and insecure, to a point that it ruins most of the good things in his life, a natural overachiever, who never seems to rest. Hopeless romantic, he needs love, and quick, and deep, and intense, but also is afraid of it simply not being that, because trying made him realize it rarely is. He's interesting, high maintenance and sometimes hard to deal with, but still, all his placements show loyalty, charm, kindness and power.

This power especially, he needs to be in control of himself, of others, of how he is perceived and he needs to control his appearance to others, he strives to be perfect, universally loved, but always, no matter how much of that he seems to have. It simply isn't enough.

[itsukismoon]

Past story - Chapter 4 (Cyrus)

—Dreaming of the back of that day—

(TN: Back as in the body part!)

After our first experience on the battlefield, Emilio’s talent as a night could no longer be questioned.

Emilio: Though I think I’ve become a bit too popular. There are many more talented people than me.

Cyrus: …No, it’s a honest compliment. I was also saved by you.

Cyrus: At that moment, I truly thought that I wanted to become a strong night who could protect someone just like he did.

Emilio: …If it’s you, you can definitely do it.

After a long time, that moment felt like my first true connection with Emilio. However…

—

Emilio: Haaah!

Cyrus: Emilio, you’re moving too forward! You should recede—

Emilio: It’s okay.

As the battlefield fell even more into chaos, Emilio turned back to look at me, and I saw him smiling, covered in blood.

Cyrus: Ngh…

Emilio: I must protect it.

Emilio then turned around and charged into the enemy group.

Cyrus: (During our first battle, he had his back turned so I didn’t notice.)

Emilio: …

Cyrus: (Back then, was he smiling/laughing like he is now?).

Even if that was the case, I have no right to blame him. Emilio, who is proactively taking the initiative, may be right.

Cyrus: (But I…)

I want to believe in the light I saw and aim for it.

The power to protect, not to be protected— the outline of what I truly wanted to achieve started taking shape in my heart.

—

Knight: Thank you for saving me in the last battle. I don’t know what would have happened to me if you, Cyrus, hadn’t been there.

Cyrus: No… I’m truly glad that you’re safe.

Knight: But Cyrus, if you’re so skilled, how come you don’t volunteer to be a part of the main force?

Knight: All the other new recruits want to go to the front lines to gain some fame.

Cyrus: I’ll do it if necessary… I’d rather focus on defence.

Cyrus: I want to be able to rush to the aid of comrades in a pinch. That’s how I’d like to move.

Knight: …You’re actually quite a kind person. Though your face is scary. I feel like you’re losing out a bit on first impressions.

Cyrus: I-is that so…

Knight: Oh, speaking of which, Emilio was outstanding this time as well. He cut through the enemy line alone and striked the first hit

Cyrus: …

Knight: You’re such an amazing pair of twins. Do you still practice together?

Cyrus: …Only back when we were kids.

Cyrus: We’ve both been busy lately, so we don’t have many opportunities to talk.

Knight: I see. That’s a bit sad.

—

Soon after, I was selected to become a guard at the royal palace, and I ended up living in a different place from Emilio.

But every time there was a battle, rumours about him reached my ears.

He fought with utmost courage, he always led the charge and brought the army to victory.

I felt proud, but also anxious.

Cyrus: (I wonder what face Emilio makes as he cuts down the enemy.)

—

Time passed from then… until three years later.

Following an order from the Master Swordsmand Orlando-sama, I decided to join the prestigious Guild of Knights, Chevalier.

Alex: I’ve only been a leader for a short time. I’m still inexperiences, but I’d appreciate your help.

Cyrus: …The pleasure is mine.

Alex: Oh, by the way. There’s something I want to let you know— Aah, there it is.

Emilio: …

Cyrus: ! Emilio—

Emilio: It’s been a while, Cyrus.

I later learned that Emilio had voluntarily decided to join the guild, without being ordered to do so.

Even though the system is application-based, it’s not easy to get in. The fact that he was accepted without delays was likely due to his meritorious achievements.

However, to this day I don’t know the reasons that pushed him to join Chevalier.

I ended up living together with Emilio once more. One day, father called us back to our family home.

—

Father: Congratulations on joining Chevalier.

Father: I have a gift for you two. I think you two can handle it now.

Father removed the cloth from the display case, we saw two swords enshrined there.

Father: One is a sword that excels at cutting through anything— the “Maken” (literally “Magic sword”… kind of a plain name).

Cyrus: (! Maken…)

Emilio: …

Father: The other is a defensive sword that excels at deflecting all attacks. Choose what fits you best.

Emilio: …Cyrus, go first.

Cyrus: …

If I thought of my own ideals, the answer was clear. However—

Cyrus: I…

Cyrus: I choose this sword, the Maken.

Emilio: ——!

I still can’t explain how my feelings at the time.

But I knew that was the best choice. I strongly felt like that was what I had to do.

Back to the present

Alex: —A mission, huh. Don’t get too hung up on it.

Cyrus: Yes. But it’s okay.

Cyrus: Since joining Chevalier, the number of things I have to protect has increased. This sword serves as a warning to myself.

Alex: …I see.

Alex: Oh, it looks like Emma-kun has arrived.

Alex: You should talk to her. You haven’t spoken since you came back from the battle, right?

Alex: …She was really worried about you.

After watching the leader’s back as he walked away, I caught sight of Emma and started thinking.

Cyrus: (There’s not much I can do.)

Cyrus: (I struggle understaning the hearts of those close to me, and sometimes I end up making their expressions gloomy).

Cyrus: (But even then, I…)

I aim for that back I saw that day.

I will continue to dream of becoming a “knight who can protect everything”, and I will make it come true.

With such an oath in mind, I gripped the hilt of my sword again and I walked towards Emma.

[doodling-junebug]

misc. shane headcanons

(some of these feed into my fanfic lol)

under the cut because this is a loooong list

his nose is aquiline and flat with a slight turn up at the tip, and it’s been broken a LOT/not properly set from his gridball days so it’s kinda fucked up (it’s okay we love fucked up/big/prominent noses in this house i simp for them SOOOO bad)

he’s surprisingly good with kids? he’s happy to go along with all of jas’ shenanigans

his depression manifests as a lack of regard for himself, so while he drinks as a (very bad) coping mechanism it’s alcohol abuse and not an alcohol dependence. (nothing wrong with struggling with addiction, this is just how i read him)

look at him. he has anxiety. that manifests as a hyperawareness of appearance and a borderline obsession with being clean. are his clothes incredibly worn and ragged and stained? yes. is he smelly? absolutely not. incredibly self aware and obsessive with hygiene. it makes him anxious if he’s not because he feels like he’s drawing more attention to himself and he wants to be left alone

his depression is kind of like… a low functioning presentation (if that makes sense?) instead of overcompensating he tends to under compensate; he can’t find a reason to do anything other than the bare minimum and stick to his routine. it’s easier to not put in the effort to do well. you’ll feel like shit if you try and don’t succeed, but if you don’t try and don’t succeed/do the bare minimum you know what to expect and it’s easier to prepare for it.

(by contrast, june overcompensates. do all that you can to keep up the appearance of a competent, well adjusted individual because you’re so afraid of failing and that once you show your weaknesses/you fail you’ll be discarded immediately because you’re “broken” they have intense anxiety and try not to get close on a deeper level, everything is superficial. has to be liked by everyone and feel dependable. please send them to therapy)

shane does care what people think but can’t trust anyone enough to get close to because he’s scared of being hurt

in a lighter note, i think that once he opens up, he’s confused by kindness/affection. you want to hang out with him? him?? have you lost your mind??? but once he gets used to it he’s super affectionate and can be a bit clingy, because it’s new and exciting and it’s such a weird but nice feeling

he’s shown in canon (note the height difference between him and the other bachelor’s sprites during the flower dance) to be shorter than the other bachelors, but i think he’s 5’6”. i just know it in my bones

another thing i know in my bones is: he’s chubby, he’s got a tummy but he’s really strong too. idk if any of y’all worked on farms/grew up in a small community that has a lot of farmers/agricultural ties but you cannot tell me he’s got noodle arms. have you ever had to haul a hay bale? i haven’t but i can tell you they’re fucking heavy. shane chops wood and hauls feed bags and hay bales so while he’s chubby he’s also strong

his ideal future like to run a chicken sanctuary. i think he’d like it he’s a little weirdo like that

also he’s not… vegetarian, but eating meat is a bit weird for him. on one hand, in a small community like pelican town you know any animal used for food is given a lot of care and you know they’re treated well (i can verify this as someone who grew up in a small agricultural town; my dad used to keep animals for slaughter as a kid and i have friends who do as well and they treat their animals SUPER well, you can verify exactly how they’re treated and their quality of life) but it still makes him kinda sad. he’ll eat it, yeah, but he tries to avoid it to the best of his ability; especially with chicken. it makes him sad to think about eating a feathery friend

when shane is in a better headspace, he just avoids all alcohol. he worries a lot about getting “bad” again and avoids any and all triggers. can he drink without abusing it? yes, but it’s incredibly difficult. it just makes him anxious and the thought of relapse is terrifying

he relapses a handful times because as someone who’s been in recovery (ED recovery, but it’s a similar struggling with urges + intrusive thoughts and etc.) it is hard and never fucking linear. you have dips and jumps and plummeting lows and etc so it’s easy to get back into bad habits, especially when it’s what you know and are used to

when he does relapse it’s incredibly fucking easy for him to because his tolerance is abysmally small. just a few beers gets him plastered

he loves shitty and bad jokes. they’re funny and kinda dad jokes. ones that make you groan and you’ll never admit that secretly they make you happy because they’re so bad they’re good

[sinceileftyoublog]

Hamish Hawk Interview: Pathos in the Ridiculous

Photo by Michaela Simpson

BY JORDAN MAINZER

"It's a very sunny afternoon here in Edinburg, so I'm in a good mood," Hamish Hawk told me over Zoom late last month. When I mentioned to him that I had spent time in Scotland's capital city decades ago and loved it, he lit up. "When it comes to Edinburgh, I'm such an enthusiast," he said. "I really like when people come here." Part of me was shocked that Hawk abided by such simple logic, that nice weather plus a feeling of civic pride equals even temporary happiness. On albums like Heavy Elevator, Angel Numbers, and his latest, A Firmer Hand, out Friday via So Recordings and Fierce Panda, Hawk is not necessarily a spoilsport, but he toes the line between truth and facetiousness. Such a balancing act has proven so far to be successful for Hawk, who has found himself fostering a long-term working relationship with Rod Jones of beloved Scottish rockers Idlewid and twice shortlisted for the Scottish Album of the Year award. But with A Firmer Hand, Hawk didn't withhold a thing, sharing an album focused on various types of relationships with men, from romantic to professional, as well as insecurities with masculinity. And he doesn't quite know whether people will like it. "[A Firmer Hand] is different enough from Heavy Elevator and Angel Numbers being safely on the cheaper poppy side of things," he said. "This one is lyrically and musically quite a change."

Don't get me--or Hawk--wrong: A Firmer Hand is very much a Hamish Hawk record, through and through. Jones returns to the producer's chair, the songs were written by Hawk, and the instrumentation was composed by his core band of guitarist Andrew Pearson, keyboardist/drummer Stefan Maurice, and bassist Alex Duthie. The songs exude familiar vibes, from the very opener "Juliet as Epithet", with its harmonic keyboards, rippling percussion, and of course, Hawk's unmistakable croon. But the first track also sets the mood for the entire record, individual verses encompassing simultaneous feelings of devotion, worry, bitterness, and self-aggrandizement. "So goddamn handsome he makes me anxious / He holds my hand thru the sad advances / Why wouldn't he tho? / I'm just the open secret no-one's ever gonna blow," Hawk sings, making you want to cry and laugh all at once. In general, Hawk uses explicitness not for shock value, but to reveal a similar contradiction within sex, that of vulnerability and hilarity. The album's double entendre title comes from dance punk jam "Big Cat Tattoos", one that both derides and expresses jealousy over traditional notions of manliness. "I think you'd prefer a firmer hand with big cat tattoos and a wedding band," Hawk sings to a lover, eyes rolled, taking down all types of compensatory masculine personas, from the tech bro and the music snob to even the strong-and-silent sad-sack within himself.

A skilled songwriter, Hawk both sings autobiographically and exaggeratedly, and he's able to present other perspectives without the pretense of becoming them. On A Firmer Hand, most importantly, you're not left wanting to solve a puzzle of what happened and when and to whom; instead, you can find a sense of solidarity with the imperfections and troubles of everyone involved, even if your life has nothing in common with them. The ivory tower narrator of "Nancy Dearest" may be lonely at the top, but what matters is that they're lonely at all. The slinky bass and trilling guitars of "Autobiography of Spy" visualize a suave 007 on paper but someone living a secret sexual existence in a sad reality. "We're footprintless on fallen snow / We wear the mist and learn the code," Hawk sighs. Yes, Hawk's clearly diffident himself on songs like "Men Like Wire" and "Questionable Hit", on the latter participating in a music industry where other men wont want to be him if he's clearly gay or effeminate, but thinking, "Will I never tire of fronting?" on the former. But he finds power for us all when adopting a devilish swagger on "Milk an Ending". "This is my ninth life / I shan't stand by like a half shut knife," he declares, continuing, "If you can't take this dance / If you won't fake romance, why should I?" After all, the right to live freely means the right to boast freely, too.

If I was surprised by the wholly sunny disposition of a purportedly autobiographical songwriter who made an album like A Firmer Hand, I was not taken aback by his willingness to break down its songs. Throughout our conversation, Hawk was honest about which aspects of the album were the results of a longstanding goal and which came naturally or even unexpectedly. Read our conversation below, edited for length and clarity, and catch him on tour in the UK and Europe through the rest of the year, with the same band who played on the album.

Photo by Simon Murphy

Since I Left You: At what point did writing a "skeletons in the closet" record become unavoidable?

Hamish Hawk: The first song I wrote for the record was "Questionable Hit". It was written roundabout the same time as some of the Angel Numbers songs, or at least towards the end of the Angel Numbers era, as it were. There's something in the tone of "A Questionable Hit", and even of a song like "Money" from Angel Numbers, and of a couple others in my repertoire, that's similarly slightly finger-pointing, embittered, and cynical. But I felt with "Questionable Hit" there was a sharper tooth in there that I didn't expect. When I wrote that, I felt, even though it was roundabout the time of the Angel Numbers stuff, it wasn't going to fit very comfortably with Angel Numbers, so I sort of put it to one side. Then, my collaborator Stefan Maurice, my drummer, sent me a keys loop that essentially became "Machiavelli's Room". When I was writing that, I became consumed with it. Some songs come really fast, and others take months. This was neither. I ruminated on it, listening to it constantly trying to edit and redraft the lyrics to get them perfect. As soon as I finished it, I looked back at the work and thought, "Ok, I don't think a song like that is gonna sit very comfortably with songs that sound like Angel Numbers." It struck me quite quickly that whatever album "Machiavelli's Room" would appear on, the songs that surrounded it would have to be cut from the same cloth. It was from there that "Questionable Hit", even though it's got a slightly different tone, reared its head again.

[A Firmer Hand] became this wider exercise in seeing how direct, how honest, how diaristic I could be. I think the album has achieved that, but for that reason, I'm slightly more nervous about the release of this record than I was for the past two. It's a vulnerable record...albums kind of exist in this odd space before you release them where you feel you might want to change something, or you're not convinced of exactly what they are. As soon as they're released, it's like, "Ok, now that's done. I can close the door on that. I can orient myself towards something completely new." I'm still in that strange period with A Firmer Hand, admittedly, but I think it's a good piece of work.

SILY: It's not necessarily a logical step after you've gained critical acclaim and more fans to say to the general music listening public, "Here's an album where you might not like me very much." Would you describe the album as totally diaristic, or are there aspects that are tongue-in-cheek and a little self-aware?

HH: Across the board, even with Heavy Elevator and Angel Numbers, and even before that, the vast majority of the inspiration I get to write songs does come from real events and real life. I definitely write in heightened terms. I'm inspired by writers like Scott Walker and Jarvis Cocker who take mundane kitchen-sink narratives and bring them up to this level where they could sing about something incredibly ordinary, like taking the kids home from school or something, and put it on this big Las Vegas stage, this high drama Caravaggio lighting. That's a process I've always been really interested in. As much as my songs are autobiographical, they're not strictly autobiographical. I'll take the truth and polish it up a bit and inject it with this new dramatic or poetic energy. But if we were to go through my songs, I'd be able to point at lyrics and tell you exactly where they came from and what moment in my life caused them to be written. I'm definitely not an abstract writer in that sense: I don't attack things from the perspective of other characters, and I don't try to take on a different persona and write about a period in history or a place I've never been to. It is autobiographical in that sense. My songs are very personal to me. That's the only way I know how to do it, so within that frame, I am trying to push myself to write in different ways, but that's my medium, as it were.

SILY: Even if you don't inhabit other characters or mindsets, you still give space to other voices. There are conversational aspects of your songs where you're presenting the perspectives of others without inhabiting them. How do you find that balance when you write?

HH: I don't think it's necessarily the healthiest thing in the world. In the past, I've been guilty of other characters or people that feature in my songs turning into kind of cyphers, versions of them where they say the things I want them to say. Angel Numbers was when I first started working with other characters in the songs saying things that really did happen, exact phrases. I wouldn't note them down at the time, but they were etched into my brain forever. That continues into A Firmer Hand. I'm trying to be as cutthroat with myself as I possibly can, because more often than not, these characters are saying something to me or about me. This album was a warts and all approach. At the end of some of these songs, I'm not necessarily gonna look great. It was an exercise in seeing how true to life I could be without being fantastical or this sort of protection of artifice. Sometimes, when I listen to these songs back, I think, "Oh, I remember that, that wasn't [my] best day." [laughs]

SILY: On A Firmer Hand, you do write about the mundane, but at the same time, you include hyper-specific cultural references and, even if they're based on real people, tropes like the tech bro on "Big Cat Tattoos". I laughed at the line, "You vetoed every one of my miserabilist movies / You bored everyone from out of town with the virtues of shoegaze." Everyone knows someone like that. Do you try to connect with a wider audience by being hyper-specific?

HH: It's a really good question. In you saying that, I can see you agree with me in that often times, the more hyper-specific you can be, the more idiosyncratic, the more personal, the more likely it is to suddenly explode and be relatable to a huge number of people. More formulaic commercial pop music, there has been historically a belief that if you try to make things as generic as possible, it can be consumed by a much larger number of people. I think you find that the more you try to be generic, the more you try to dumb it down to the lowest common denominator so that everyone can get it, the more people are put off by it. I've always tried in my music to give a vast amount of credit to the listener. I don't want to dumb things down for anybody. I'd like to be immediate in my lyricism. I'd like my lyrics to be understood. I'm not trying to be so pretentious that no one can engage with it. The more personal I can be, the more it ends up relating to so many more people. By adding in cultural references or even local references, those things endear people much more than trying to get to them where they are. It's about creating something so they can approach you, as opposed to--I don't know--trying to be close to their life inauthentically. It's much stronger to be authentically you so people can move towards you.

SILY: It's almost a matter of humility. You don't know their life, and they don't know yours, but being hyper-specific is how we relate to each other.

HH: The song "Panic" by The Smiths has so many British references in it, but towards the end of the song, Morrissey sings, "Hang the DJ, hang the DJ, hang the DJ." He's talking about the songs the DJ is playing, singing, "It says nothing to me about my life." I don't think he's talking about songs that talk about far flung places, because even the songs that talk about far flung places can talk to him about his life. We don't have to have identical lives in order to relate to each other. There's so much more going on underneath all that. I like to give the listener fair credit and assume that they have what it takes to engage with the song on whatever level they'd like to. Pop music listeners are certainly very engaged and have the intelligence and willingness to engage on whatever level they'd like to.

SILY: And the internet prowess!

HH: [laughs] Yeah!

A Firmer Hand cover art

SILY: The mid-album back-to-back of "You Can Film Me" and "Christopher St.", I don't know the stories behind the songs, but they seem to me to comprise a tragic mid-section. Am I off base there?

HH: Not at all. There is a link between those. I'm not going to disclose too much about it, if I may, but you're quite astute to pick that up. "Christopher St.", the music was written by Stefan. I've always been a fan of little vignettes in albums. The thing that makes Angel Numbers cohesive is that it is one unified voice: It is my voice. The band and I never worried too much about dipping our toes into different genres or different sounds or instrumentation within one album. Giving fair credit to the listener, they're able to deal with an album like Angel Numbers. It's not tricky: "Rest & Veneers" has a sort of country feel. "Elvis Look-alike Shadows" is bombastic and loud and high drama. "Frontman" is a harmonium-led lament. I don't think it's hard to engage with an album just because it has many different faces, so I've never worried about having fragments or vignettes or moments in albums that take you out of the world you think you're in, and suddenly they pull you right out. I've always been inspired by albums that seem like they have a left turn in the middle of the record.

I must say, to compliment him, that Stefan is an incredibly gifted piano player and composer on the keys. He's written so many beautiful songs for me and so many beautiful moments that no one's heard, so I was really excited to have a song like "Christopher St." [on A Firmer Hand] because it's such a beautiful piece of music. The writing and the lyrics came so, so quickly. I won't go too much into the inspiration or the stories behind the songs, but I think you're right. It's this tragic two sides. Everything that's in "You Can Film Me" is as bombastic and full of pomp, arch, raised eyebrow stuff I'm capable of, and "Christopher St." is about as earnest and as tender and as melancholic as I get. Those things are absolutely essential parts of my music, so to have them sit next to each other, you'd think it would be a contrast that could repel a listener, but I think--or at least I hope--it achieves the opposite. Having those things sit side by side is really effective. I've always been inspired by the idea of pathos in the ridiculous. Having something very deeply emotional and sad, the height of a certain emotion, next to something really amusing, silly, absolutely absurd. It makes the emotional thing more intense. It has this odd effect that you think would be uncanny and not work, but more often than not, it does.

SILY: Was there a general process for how you came up with the instrumentation on the record? Or was it truly on a song-by-song basis?

HH: It was different than the previous records. Heavy Elevator was one way, this sort of indie rock default. Angel Numbers took off and gave it a little more pomp with brass, horns, and pedal steel, embellishing the slightly rougher edges, softening them up, and bringing them to the fore. It was slightly ballroom. The band and I were very careful with A Firmer Hand to make it a band record. We wanted to be able to replicate all of the songs on the record on stage exactly as they are instead of having to make approximations or use samples or for someone to have to play the violin line on the keys or the trumpet line on the guitar. It was about having a band in a room. We wanted track 1 to track 12 to be obviously the same group of people and basically the same instruments. I think that limitation is really helpful and can often be really fruitful for a creative process. There wasn't too much pre-production involved in the songs. [Though,] the more we record and the more often we're in the studio, we think that's what we want to do next time, to have time to really work things out, as painstaking as it might be.

SILY: Have you played the songs from A Firmer Hand live yet?

HH: Some of them. We've played "Men Like Wire", "You Can Film Me", "Nancy Dearest", and "Big Cat Tattoos". Beyond that, most of the middle tracks we haven't touched yet. We've rehearsed them, and some of them are sounding really great. I'm certainly feeling--and I can't speak for the band--that it's an interesting experience trying to put these songs next to some of the older songs in our set. It starts to feel like a tale of two cities. I think that's exciting. I think it's probably somewhere where good things can come. I don't think it's going to be too much of a problem.

SILY: Do you have the same approach to adapting the new songs to the stage as you did for those on your previous records?

HH: I'd say so. I wouldn't say too much has changed. The first thing we've noticed is that setlists are becoming really tricky. Our sets are typically an hour and a quarter, an hour and twenty minutes, and we're having to cut out some of the mainstays of the set, turn it on its head completely and say, "Ok, suddenly, we're not playing that." Which is okay. That can only be good, to have a sense of renewal or rejuvenation. Reconfiguring the sets is tricky, but it's important we don't rest on our laurels. Any change is good for us. It's always the new song that feels exciting to play. With all these new shows coming up, we're excited to have some new blood in the set.

SILY: Is there one on this record that you're most excited to play, whether you've played it already or not?

HH: I have three, for different reasons. I'm really looking forward to playing "Machiavelli's Room" live. We've rehearsed it, and it's sounding great, but we haven't played it live yet. The first time that will likely get played live is before the album comes out. Who knows what people will make of it the first time they hear it? I'm excited about that one because it's so stark, and it's the type of song that's quite unyielding in the sense that it is what it is. You can't sugarcoat it. On stage, I love performing and love trying to engage with the audience and bring them in. Some of the songs on A Firmer Hand are more pushing people back, or more affronting in some sense. I'm excited to see how "Machiavelli's Room" works, not only in terms of how the audience experiences it, but in terms of what it does to us. It's a two-way street. We can treat the songs a certain way, but the songs treat us a certain way.

Another is "Autobiography of Spy". I really like that song, and I think it's a really interesting album track. It isn't a single, and isn't going to get that much limelight. But I really like it. I think it's a great length, the instrumentation is really interesting, and all the moments are sort of considerate and well thought-out. We're all quite happy with that song and how it happened.

The third is "Juliet as Epithet", the [opening track]. It's very atmospheric.

SILY: Do you use loops live?

HH: We do, but they're never a cornerstone of the songs. They're never an essential part. It's more window dressing. We have little things that will continue throughout the entire record. There are a few songs where we have a loop going on in the background, but it's more painting. We don't like having too many major parts being played by samples.

SILY: Are you planning on coming to the US?

HH: Next year, it's looking like it. This year, we have two tours in the UK, one in August and one in December. We're going on tour with Travis in September throughout Europe. America is likely on the cards for March or April for next year, though it's more likely to be February or March. We've played SXSW twice and are hoping to get invited a third time, but surrounding that, we're hoping to get things sorted on both coasts so we have shows either side of SXSW.

SILY: Would you come to Chicago?

HH: That would be ideal. Obviously, it's all up in the air right now. The ideal would be New York, L.A., and something in Austin, but something in the Midwest would be awesome. Chicago would have to get done. Not only do I love Chicago, but in terms of the numerous art scenes in Chicago, we'd have to sink our teeth into them.

SILY: Have you played here before?

HH: Yes. I've played there and in America, but it was sort of a shoestring tour of the US. I was playing DIY house shows, no money was exchanged. It was me playing in people's living rooms. I've played in 26 states. I played in a living room in Chicago. I've played in Detroit, Atlanta, Athens, Baltimore, L.A., Salt Lake City, all over the place.

Photo by Elliot Hetherton

SILY: Are you the type of songwriter who's always writing, or do you compartmentalize between album cycles?

HH: Sadly, I do always write. Right now, I'm writing a little bit, but not much because I don't have too much time in my hands. But I've not been known to successfully compartmentalize and say, "This year, I've written my record, and next year, I won't write at all." I don't know how to do that yet. I don't have that relationship with my writing. It is quite consistent. When I do have a fallow couple of months, those months are full of insecurity and dread and self-doubt. Hopefully, in the future, I'll manage to foster something that says, "Okay, I haven't written something for 6 months, and that's okay." But at this stage, if I don't write anything for 2 weeks, I think, "Woah, what's happening? Is there something coming? Maybe I've dried up." Right now, the band and I are throwing some things around at the moment. Let's hope it's the beginning of the next record.

SILY: You could always write about writer's block!

HH: Exactly, but that's when you start falling down the rabbit hole of writing songs about writing songs, and writing songs about going on tour. Suddenly, no one relates to your albums at all except for musicians. "That album's so great, that one about being on the road." People don't really like listening to that on the way to work.

SILY: Is there anything you've been listening to, watching, or reading lately that's caught your attention?

HH: My listening at the moment, I don't know why it's happened this way, but it's been dominated by new country and roots music and new interpretations of traditional blues music. Since I was a kid, I've always really liked folk singers. My mum was a huge fan of James Taylor, Kris Kristofferson, Bob Dylan, Leonard Cohen, Ralph McTell, Gordon Lightfoot, and these 60s folkies. It was my first entrance into singer-songwriter music. Of late, I wouldn't say I've been listening to anything specific, other than the absolute classics of blues, Blind Willie McTell, Mississippi John Hurt, and Lead Belly, which I've always gone back to fairly infrequently. At the moment, I'm listening to a lot of blues and country music. Who knows what that promises for the next record, because I don't think country had much of an input on A Firmer Hand. Maybe I'll see if Willie Nelson wants to do a collab.

SILY: I don't know, the guitar tones on "The Hard Won" at the end are kind of country western.

HH: That's true. That's the last track as well, so maybe that suggests what might come. Here's hoping.

[mypralaya]

doing a massive amount of muse quizzes for Haven bc Shaw got all the attention for too long, how dare he, how dare ME gank any you want YOUR ANIMAL FAMILIAR ~ Sea Turtle ~ This familiar represents an individual who stands firm with their decisions, making the best out of life as it comes, and tries to find a peaceful route through any situation. You are a peacekeeper, no doubt; You can't stand violence between people, especially those you love, and will do anything to find a positive outcome for everyone. Due to this mindset, you are a problem-solver, wise and great for giving advice to others. A Sea Turtle familiar helps their master stay at peace during chaotic times, and teaches them to take life as it comes and make the best of it. ~~***~~ This familiar represents -Patience -Acceptance -Understanding -Wisdom -Peacekeepers -Emotional stability

which aesthetic™ colour are you?

lavender You have a soft heart. Your home is full of little sentimental nick-nacks you've made, been given, or picked up on your travels, and anyone who enters is immediately put at ease by your comforting energy. Your friends know they can turn to you for a cup of tea and a tight hug, or, if necessary, a kick in the ass. At times, you find yourself tending to others more than you do yourself, and you often take on more than you can bear of others' sadness. Just remember-- you are worth the same kindness you show the people around you. They would want nothing less for you. Dark Earth Zodiac The Underearth The Underearth is a place of slow-shifting roots, the quietest and most constant life of the forest. Those who find themselves aligned with the Underearth are those who find their truest selves not in the eyes of another or the light of the sun, but in private acts of creation. The tend to be dutiful, capable, and thoughtful, whilst also often being slow to change, awkward, and anxious. While many pass the Underearth by without notice, those few who make it past topsoil and into the heart below are held dear. It is rare that someone can delve to the true center of those under this sign. The earth keeps its secrets close to its chest-- sometimes, so deep that it cannot find them when it does choose to look. The Underearth are devoted to their work, able to criticize and peek and prod just where it needs, but they have no such luck with probing the self. People under this sign can be enormously generous. Though less showy than some of the other signs, when the Underearth does choose to shine, they are like a clean cut gem, brilliant, sharp, and precious. They tend to favor gifts of their own making, paying close attention to what it is that delights those around them. They prefer to avoid being the center of attention themselves, however, and often do not know how to react to being shown the same care that they show to those they love. Moral Alingment Test You are 93.3% good, 80.8% lawful, making you lawful good. People who are Lawful Good believe that an orderly, strong society with a moral government can work to make life better for the great majority of the people. When the laws are fair and the people respect them and try to help one another, humanity as a whole prospers. Therefore, people who are Lawful Good strive for a social order that will bring the greatest benefit to everyone and cause the least harm. Lawful Good personalities may sometimes find themselves faced with the dilemma of whether to obey the law or do good when the two conflict. For example, when upholding the law of the land would lead to unfairness or harm or when there is a conflict between two orders of what is right, such as between the ways of their community and the law of the government. WHICH DND CLASS SUITS YOUR PERSONALITY? You’re dedicated, caring, and probably a sucker for happy endings. You spend so much time helping other people that you might forget to take care of yourself. You’re very idealistic and have a strong sense of faith in your beliefs, which may be actual religious beliefs or just your personal moral code. You like to be prepared for a variety of situations and you may have a bit of a protective side. If you'd like to find out what type of cleric you would be, take the subclass quiz here