#you are not ready for HIM

[toesucker416]

When in the Course of human events, it be- comes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of man-kind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

Reason one: Yonko sounds cooler

Reason two: Fuck the police

Reason three: This your fleet admiral?

Dread it. Run from it. Absolute Justice arrives all the same. Cope with your anime-original scenes for as long as you can. Toei can't save you forever. There will come a time when the Cherished One enters the story once more.

Although, I gotta say.

This your World's Strongest Man? This your King of the Beasts?

[braindos]

Finished the trilogy today

[casmick-consequences]

literally the king of oneliners

[part 2]

[technically-human]

Payneland² 

[egophiliac]

he did it! 🐍 and it only took...uhhh...well, there probably could've been less punches, but why hold back!

PUNCHES FOR EVERYONE

[latelierderiot]

my humble offering to my new obsession 🤲

and without the mask!

[verflares]

who's afraid of the big bad wolf?

[groovyangelkisses]

oh to have logan lightly tap your butt, click his tongue and say "c'mon baby, up to bed, let's go" when he wants to cuddle after a long mission :(

[inkskinned]

there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)

i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.

i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.

and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.

HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.

now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.

my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.

i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.

by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!

keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"

similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."

the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"

if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.

the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.

godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.

the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.

[lunacias]

but we'll never be rid of each other

[critterbitter]

Au where Emmet gets eebie jeebied into Hisui right before the events of Pokemon Arceus and ends up hunting down a shriveled onion with time powers with the world’s worst tour guide. ((Also at some point learns Ingo is living in the mountains this entire time.))

(Same au as the emmet and elektross get tossed into the past! I will simply never officially nail the timeline down beyond growing it like a barnacle cloister.)

Masterlist of my submas stuff

[soosoosoup]

Funk branch au

Au and branch design by @bbc-trolls

[gift-of-prophecy]

people who complain about gale yapping too much don’t understand the sixth secret love language: infodumping

[frownyalfred]

I'm sure one of the Batkids has tried that whole "I'm locking you in this room to go sacrifice myself" schtick with Bruce and assured themselves that the plan would work because Bruce was 1) already injured and 2) down to just his armor, no utility belt or weapons/devices.

but what they didn't account for was the fact that Bruce would absolutely, 100% bust down that door with his bare hands, splitting the knuckles open and fracturing his fingers and ruining his gloves and armor if needed. he would break that door and probably the wall if it meant getting to his Robin before he did something dumb like pull a last-minute self-sacrifice plan.

[egophiliac]

NEW BIRTHDAY THEME IS OUT!!!!!!!!!!!

BIRTHDAY SLUMBER PARTY, HERE WE COME

I think the theme is more loungewear than straight-up pajamas, but hey, I'm not complaining! (and -- look, we still have the groovies, I'm not giving up hope for animal kigurumi until I gotta)

[delusionsofgrandeur13]

jason todd but he treats you like you invented sliced bread

jason todd but he gags at the thought of people that aren’t you checking him out and trying to get with him

jason todd but he calls you princess and buys you whatever you want

jason todd but he’s taller than you, stronger than you, and yet still the most gentle person you’ve ever met or been with

jason todd but you both tease and flirt with each other like you’re still in the honeymoon phase

jason todd but he acts like your guard dog

jason todd but he kisses and bites at your neck until you’re weak in the knees

jason todd but he eats you out until your legs are shaking from how many times you’ve come before he even thinks of pulling his cock out

jason todd but he’s folding you over his arm and fucking you so hard you’re dizzy

jason todd but he calls you pretty all the while like it’s the only word he knows

jason todd but he cleans you up after, cuddles you for hours

jason todd but he already has you asking when can you do it again

jason todd but you wake up to the smell of bacon and coffee the next morning

jason todd but he’s the best boyfriend in the world