#you are not method acting | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

seeingivy · 4 months ago

Text

narc

actor!eren x reader

**part of my method acting series

When you open the cabinet and pull out the box of chamomile tea, there’s a note with Eren’s distinct handwriting scribbled across it.

Boil the water for six minutes. Add one teaspoon of the dried flowers. Let it sit for five minutes and then strain them out. I usually add half a teaspoon of honey to sweeten it up for you :)

You can’t help but look up at the frame on the left – a picture of you, Marco, Maya, and Eren – with the godawful cake he got you guys last year.

Happy New Year Birthday Anniversary 4

It seemed that too many big things coincided on the first day of the year. Marco and Maya’s birthday, you and Eren’s anniversary, the start of the new year – so much so that Eren decided that they all deserved one big cake together.

You rub at your tired eyes, lazily smiling at the post-it as you pull it off the top of the box, and stick it back onto the counter. It’s a quiet solace, seeing his handwriting every time you pull the box out and you can’t bring yourself to throw it away.

You think it’s a little silly that at your very big age, Eren left you instructions on how to make tea. Sometimes it just makes you miss him more.

You follow Eren’s quick instructions – his recent absence making you realize just how much it is that he does around the house – and open up your phone to see his location.

He’s gone, still two thousand something miles away in California, at the hospital. You count the hours backwards, realizing that it’s probably midnight his time so he must be fast asleep and decide against calling him.

You lean against the counter, your neck still slick from the cold sweat you woke up in, as you recount flashes of the dream you’ve been having for the past three nights.

The dark freeway, a long white truck, and a blaring horn.

The kettle clicks shut and you pour the water into the cup, watching the dried flowers seep a golden color to the liquid as you let it sit underneath the coaster. It must have been the pouring of the water, because you entirely miss the pitter patter of tiny footsteps – meaning, it catches you completely off guard when Marco’s wrapping his arm around your leg.

“Can I have some?”

You almost drop the kettle, your heart immediately racing from the shock of his presence, as you set it down, taking the few seconds to catch your breath.

“Sorry. Did I scare you again, Mom?” he asks.

You sigh, reaching down to lift him up onto the counter.

“No, Marco. I was just distracted, honey, that’s all.” you respond.

Marco gives you a distracted nod, messy brown hair and dull green eyes looking down at your cup, as he fiddles with his hands in his lap. Just like Eren. You reach forward, brushing through the tangles in his hair as you eye the clock.

“What are you doing up?”

“I thought you were Dad.” he responds.

You sigh, giving him a joking glare, before reaching forward to pinch his cheek.

“I’m sorry to disappoint you, little man.”

Marco gives you a smile, as you reach for the closest cabinet, and pull out the plastic glasses to pour some milk into. You set it to warm on the kettle, as you pour the honey into your cup, and swirl the spoon around.

“Do you know when he’ll be back? Dad?” Marco asks.

You pause.

No. You don’t.

“It’ll be soon, I’m sure of it. He’s just waiting to make sure that Uncle Connie’s perfectly set up before he comes back.”

That was a half lie. Though, you found that you had to do that often – lie about things that were too difficult to explain to the two of them.

Things that were too complicated, and more often than not, things you just wanted to protect them from.

That they were just too little to know about.

Marco and Maya asked you how their namesake, the real Marco died. It was easier to tell them that it was just a car accident, not intentional in how it occurred. They asked you why Eren had a bunch of faded lines on his back when you went swimming in the pool; it was just simpler to tell them that it was a birthmark.

They asked who Teddy’s real father was and told him that it was Sukuna. Though that one wasn’t entirely a lie. But you know what they were trying to ask.

And just two days ago, Maya asked you if her Uncle Connie was going to die. You told her that he was just getting a checkup, but that was the farthest thing from the truth.

Years after the fact, it seemed that the poison that Connie was putting into his body had finally caught up to him – with not only one, but two defective kidneys. And after three years on the waiting list, by some horrible twist of fate for someone else but luck for all of you, Connie was finally getting his transplant.

That was almost three weeks ago. He’s still recovering from the surgery – having taken a whole week to wake up, another one to sit up, and now trying to walk the corridor at the ward he was in.

You had to let Eren go. You knew that he was going to be apart from you and the kids at some point and figured that this was the best time to get over that fear of being away from him, in the soft little bubble you’ve created for yourself.

You shake the thought from your head – of Connie sitting there, frail and alone the last time you talked to him, since visiting hours were well over – and pour the milk into the cup. You hand it over to Marco, placing the cup securely in his hands, as you try to quiet the thoughts racing through your mind.

Five things you can see. Four things you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can feel.

Eren had whispered it to you when you dropped him off at the airport, a quiet thing he did to manage his own stress.

“What are you thinking about?” Marco asks.

You sigh, turning over to him, and giving him a smile.

“Five things I can see.” you respond.

Marco was well aware of the habit. He tended to be a little more sensitive which was worrying at first – but Zeke said that it was just something that he got from Eren. That he acted exactly like he did when he was a kid.

“I can see you. And me. The cups. And two lightbulbs.” Marco responds.

You smile.

“I can touch the floor with my feet. And the back of the counter with my back. The cup with my hands. And your cheek with my fingers.” you respond, reaching forward to poke at the softness of his cheek.

Marco returns the favor, giggling under his breath as he reaches forward, tiny fingers squishing at your skin. He absentmindedly leans forward, pressing a wet kiss to your cheek, before he continues.

He was every bit as affectionate as Eren.

“I can hear you. And me. And Maya sleeping.”

“You can’t hear Maya sleeping from here, Marco.”

“Yeah, I can. She’s all snotty at night.”

“Honey, those are her allergies. She can’t control that.” you respond.

If Marco acted like Eren did as a kid, then Maya was every bit a carbon copy of you. It was something that Falco and Colt parroted constantly – the biggest fans of all her little at home concerts, her fashion shows, and most of all, her singing.

It seems that she got the seasonal allergies too.

“I can smell your drink and my drink.” you respond, as you down the very last bit of your cup.

Marco seems to follow suit, draining the last of the milk from the cup before he leans forward, short arms barely wrapping around your neck as you scoop him up into your arms. The time must have caught up to him, eyes quickly lidding shut, as you switch off the lights, and lead him back to his room.

He whispers one last thing before you tuck him into bed.

“I can feel you here with me.”

It’s enough to put your mind at rest to go to sleep.

The doorbell rings early the next morning – at seven on the dot – and sends Marco and Maya tumbling down the stairs, their little footsteps thundering as you open up the door to Lana, Sukuna, Teddy, and Grace.

You turn your head over your shoulder, watching as Marco and Maya’s faces drop at the sight of them, and subsequently watch them drag themselves over to the dining table.

“Is that anyway to say hello?” Sukuna asks, chest puffed up from the clear dismissal from the both of them – which albeit, is a rare occurrence.

Sukuna marches straight through the doorway, Lana giving you a warning glance, as you watch him hunch over the chairs – his head hanging in between Marco and Maya’s – as he gives the two of them a little glare.

“Angie. Are you not excited to see me?”

Angie. Sukuna’s special nickname for Maya.

“I thought you were Eren.” Maya responds.

“I wish he was.” Gracie mumbles, earning her a glare from Sukuna.

It worked out well enough. Eren was Gracie’s favorite, but Sukuna was Maya’s. Naturally it irritated the both of them well enough.

You sigh, opening your arms up to the hug that Teddy’s offering you – which Grace piles on to – as you shoot her a warning glance.

“Maya. You’re supposed to call him Dad.” you chide.

“But you call him Eren.” she retorts back.

“Yeah. Because he’s not my dad. He’s just Eren to me.” you respond.

That earns you a laugh from Teddy, as he lets go and starts passing out the plates, with Lana helping you finish making the breakfast from the kitchen.

“How are you holding up?” she asks.

“Yeah, yeah. Same old. Did you talk to Connie at all today?”

You watch as Lana frowns, which sends an immediate pang to your chest.

Eren’s contingency plan on leaving you alone – since the three of you couldn’t possibly go with him – was making sure that you were taken care of. Which included him sending Lana and Sukuna over everyday for breakfast, just so you didn’t feel lonely.

You guys tended to get fickle with how often you’d eat breakfast together – aiming for at least once a week – but you know Eren must have said something because they were here almost every other day.

“Think he’s doing better.” Lana responds.

You sigh.

“Did you talk to Eren?”

“Yeah.”

Eren doesn’t seem like he’s fairing well either. But you figured as much – that it would be hard for him to see Connie in this condition, because the smallest voice in his head told him that it was all his fault.

“I feel like he’s scared to let him go. He’s…he’s scared he’s going to die while he’s not looking.” you add.

Lana nods.

“He could have come back a week ago. Maryam was fine handling it but I just think he…but you know how he is with Connie. They’re like brothers.”

You hum in response. Lana leans forward, resting her head against your shoulder, as you lean into the touch.

“You’re better than me. I feel like I’d be ten different levels of crazy if Sukuna and Teddy weren’t telling me not to worry about him.” Lana responds.

You shrug.

“It’s fine for the most part. Marco and Maya keep me busy. Levi calls me everyday just to update me on his lawn mowing, which takes like four hours alone. It’s all fine, I just…keep having this really weird dream.”

“Really?” she asks.

“I don’t know. I don’t really remember the details. All I know is that…that I’m driving a car. There’s a honking sound and then a big truck that cuts me off and makes me crash. But for some reason, I feel like…I feel like I know the person driving the truck. Like they’re…they’re making fun of me or laughing or something.”

You watch as Lana squints her eyes at you, her touch suddenly stiff, as you give her a look.

“What?”

“Nothing. That is weird. But it’s just a dream.” Lana responds.

“I mean, I know. But I just…I don’t get dreams. Let alone recurring ones. I feel like I know the person or…or something about it just feels really familiar that’s all. I wake up every night just thinking about it, trying to remember what it is that I saw.”

Lana picks up the spoon, plating the last of the eggs into the dish, as she gives you a wary look over her shoulder.

“Stress manifests in different ways. I think this Connie thing is just stressful. Being without Eren with the kids is stressful. I don’t think it means anything.” she adds.

Lana leans forward, pressing a kiss against your cheek, before lifting the plates, gesturing for you to follow as you take them over to the table. You take your seat next to Sukuna – who’s clearly won over Maya in the past few minutes that you were gone – as you sit next to Grace.

“I like the ribbon, Gracie.”

“I’m glad you said that. I made one for you too.”

Lana taught Gracie how to sow, meaning that every time she came over, she left a few more ribbons for your collection. You rarely wore them anymore, but it was nice to keep all the gifts Gracie made for you – pink lace, little charms in the fabric.

There’s immediate chatter the second everyone’s hands start moving – Sukuna and Maya whispering under their breaths, Teddy, Lana, and Marco talking about the recent soccer game – and the only thing you can think about is how the chair next to you is empty.

That Eren would have been here asking Teddy about when his spelling bee is so he could go. And that he’d cut Maya’s fruits into stars with Sukuna just because she likes them that way.

“Do you miss Eren?”

You lean forward, placing your hand on Grace’s shoulder, as you give her a smile.

“Just a little, Gracie. But that’s normal.” you respond.

“He’ll be back soon enough. And Falco and Gabi should be back next week, so…we’ll have more people at breakfast. We’ll have to start ordering chairs for how many of us there are.”

You laugh.

“That’s a good problem to have.”

You can’t help but think that three blocks down, only a few years prior, Eren, Lana, and Teddy used to eat breakfast together every morning, because that’s all they had. And now you barely had enough seats to fill the table.

You think about how it would kill you if Connie never came back to eat breakfast with you guys.

“Y/N. Can you help me practice for the spelling bee tomorrow?” Teddy asks.

You smile.

“Of course, Teddy Bear.”

Teddy curls his nose in disgust.

“Y/N. Don’t call me that. It’s not cool.” he murmurs.

The older Teddy gets, the more he seems to curl his nose at all of the sweet nicknames you all have for him. He barely lets Eren hug him anymore, instead trying to make weird over complicated handshakes – that Eren can obviously never remember.

Your phone buzzes on the table to four texts from Eren.

[eren]: connie made a very obscure pop culture reference today that honestly kind of freaked out his VERY old nurse

[eren]: it was giving ** erwin **

[eren]: the world is healing

[eren]: i miss you!

You appreciate the routine of things. That every night, you comb through Maya and Marco’s wet hair, that you all brush your teeth together, and that you all read a story together before you go to sleep.

“I have a question.”

You close the little book – an old version of Goodnight Moon that Jean and Mikasa gifted you when Marco and Maya were born – and slide it into the shelf.

“Do share, Miss Maya.” you respond.

That’s what Eren always calls her. Miss Maya.

“How did you spend so much time away from Eren?” Maya asks.

“Maya.” you berate.

“Sorry. Dad. How did you spend so much time away from Dad? Like before when you were little?” she asks.

You pause.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s only been a few weeks and…and I miss him.” Maya mumbles, the tiniest crack in her voice.

You can feel your chest ache as you lean forward, wrapping your arms around her little body as she leans up, her salty tears spilling straight onto your neck.

“Oh, Maya.” you coo.

“I know he’s gone for a good reason and I’m not mad at him. I’m sad about Uncle Connie too but I just wish he was here. And Uncle Connie was too.” she responds, voice muffled by how she’s burying her face into your shirt.

It’s not even a few seconds before you hear another set of sniffling, only to find Marco getting out of his bed and clinging to your side too.

You can’t help it – you can’t help that there’s warm tears in your eyes too as you rest your head against their freshly shampooed hair, and hold them tight.

You sit there quietly for some time – Marco and Maya’s tears subsiding long before yours – but they make no inclination of letting go. You appreciate that. And it’s not long before they fall asleep, before you tuck them into their sheets, and wipe your own tears before going to bed.

The pictures of Connie on the wall feel like they’re mocking you.

And like clockwork, it happens again.

A cold sweat down your back – because the truck almost hits you, because you swear you can hear laughing, and a clicking sound that you can’t really place. You’re barely asleep for two hours.

You make a mental note. That the clicking sound is new, but you still can’t really remember much besides that. Only that it’s really dark.

When you make it down to the kitchen, you find Marco hunched over, with Maya on his back. You can’t help but laugh – only because this reminds you of Colt – and watch them for a second before interrupting.

“Push higher.”

“I’m trying to, you’re too heavy, Maya.”

“I can’t reach the cups from here.”

“Okay, okay. I’m trying. That’s easy to say from down there.”

You flick the last of the lights open – the ones they can’t reach – as they both turn around, Maya nearly toppling off his back – as you put your hands on your hips.

“You want my help?”

“Please.” Maya groans.

Maya rubs the sore spot on her back, giving you a quiet nod as Marco moves over, and you reach for the cups. The two of them drain their cups of milk the second you fill them – clearly overexerted from the rhythmic gymnastics they were attempting a few minutes ago – as you nurse the cup of chamomile in your hand.

“You know, this is way better when Eren makes it.” Maya states.

You roll your eyes.

“Dad.”

“It’s too bitter when you do it.”

You shake your head at Maya, reaching forward to pinch her cheek before responding.

“My apologies, Miss Maya. I’ll call him tomorrow and ask him what he puts in yours. Knowing him, he does something different for each of us to make sure that we like it.” you respond.

So quick to accommodate, an endless amount of space in his mind to remember everything – Maya wears ribbons on Thursdays, she doesn’t like the purple ones. Marco likes to read Goodnight Moon in the winter, not the summer, because the bunny reminds him of snow.

The light in the doorway flicks on, accompanied by a very tired looking Eren, who gives you a very weak smile through the dim light.

“I put honey in Maya’s because she thinks it’s bitter, sweetheart. Only half a teaspoon, because then she gets kind of antsy.” Eren mumbles.

You turn to your left and watch as Maya and Marco both try to tumble off the counter, excited giggles as they run over to Eren, clinging on to the fabric of his shirt as they basically scream in his ear.

You can feel warm tears burning in the back of your eyes as Eren leans down, arms wrapped around the two of them, as he seems to breathe a sigh of relief – nestling his head in between the two of theirs.

You’re almost positive that he missed them more than they missed him.

Which was saying something.

“Hi M&M.” Eren mumbles.

Their favorite candy. For obvious reasons.

“You too, sweetheart. Come here.” Maya adds, extending out one of her hands to you.

You swallow down the burning feeling in your throat, taking one last look up to dry your tears, before crouching down on the ground with them, Eren’s hand being the one that wraps around you first.

“Maya. It’s Mommy. Not sweetheart.” Eren chides.

You can’t help but laugh – remembering that it was only a few months ago that Maya realized that your name wasn’t actually sweetheart, that it was just a nickname that Eren used for you – as you lean your temple against his.

“Okay, it’s really late. Dad’s going to tuck you into bed, okay?” you respond.

Marco and Maya give you an affirmative nod, as Eren scoops both of them up into an arm each – something you’re too weak to do at this point – as you watch them all trail down the hallway.

“Did you miss me?” Eren asks.

“So much. We even cried about it earlier!” Marco responds.

Eren immediately frowns as he kicks his shoes off at the door, quietly padding into the darkness of their room. Lana’s phone call was very brief – only warning him about the weird dreams you were having – but he didn’t realize that they were feeling it too.

Eren sets them both down, reaching for Maya first as he tucks the sheets in around her.

“Buddy, what do you mean by that? You cried about it earlier?” Eren asks, glancing over his shoulder.

“We all miss you so much we cried. Even sweetheart.” Maya responds.

Eren doesn’t take the time to correct her. He reaches down, pressing a kiss to Maya’s forehead, before brushing through the flyaways around her head.

“She did?”

“Mhm. Longer than me and Marco too. I heard Auntie Lana say it’s because she’s having weird dreams about Marco. You know, the other Marco. The one who died.”

Eren nods. It’s the only reason that he was able to bring himself home and leave Connie. Only because he didn’t realize how fast time had passed.

“I know the one.”

“She’s okay though. She told me herself.” Maya adds.

Eren sighs.

“I know she is.”

Eren switches over to Marco’s side which makes his chest pang a little bit more – the seeping ache of being gone for so long, to be at his side – making his throat burn.

“Everything good, Marco?”

It’s at that second that Marco jumps out of his sheets, little arms wrapped around his neck, as Eren sinks against his shoulder.

“Is Uncle Connie okay?”

Eren smiles.

“He went home last night, Marco. He’s going to be just fine.” Eren responds.

Marco gives him a nod, before lying back down against the sheets.

“I heard Uncle Sukuna say that Mommy was just scared that he was going to die. He’s not going to die, right?”

Eren makes a mental note to call Lana and Sukuna tomorrow and ask them to refrain from gossiping until they get home.

“He’s not going to die, Marco. He’ll call you tomorrow, okay? Connie really missed you both.”

Marco gives him a nod, Eren pressing one last lingering kiss to his forehead, before padding out of the room and flicking the light shut. Eren shuffles back out to the kitchen, noting the open packet of ramen on the counter, as he leans forward, wrapping his arms around your frame.

He’d deal with them in the morning. You first.

Eren can’t help but nestle into the crook in your shoulder – and noting that you immediately flinch at the feeling.

“Sorry. I meant to shave before I got back. I know it tickles.” Eren whispers.

You laugh.

“S’okay. I’ll help you tomorrow, Eren.” you mumble.

Eren leans down, breathing in the sweet smell of your shampoo and soap mixed in, as he leans his cheek against yours.

Eren ranked all the moments in his head. Sweet memories that felt like lightbulbs to him – the way they stuck out in his memory – but he always had his favorites.

Watching Maya play the piano. Teaching Marco how to take polaroids of you and Maya. Marco meeting Armin and Maya telling Jean his haircut sucked.

And his personal favorite was letting his beard grow out just to the point where it annoyed you – just so you’d offer to shave it for him. Attentive fingers, eyes focused and without fail, a sweet kiss and a hug at the end for his clean shaven face.

It was one of the things that was always promised. That you’d complain, that he’d pretend to hate it when you shaved his beard, and that you’d kiss him afterwards. That you’d taste like toothpaste because you just brushed your teeth and then go to sleep next to him after the fact.

Eren can’t help but squeeze harder.

“You know, you’ll cut off my circulation any second now.”

“Any reason you didn’t come running at me?” Eren asks.

“The little speedsters beat me to it. They missed you a lot, you know?” you respond.

Eren laughs.

“Not as much as you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Eren shrugs. It takes you three seconds to clock it, before you roll your eyes.

Of course they told him that you cried earlier.

“Who was the narc?”

“There was no narc. I just know how to read you really well.” Eren responds

“Eren.”

“A gentleman never tells.”

“I know they both told you. I just want to know who did it first.” you clarify.

Eren smiles.

“Marco, of course.”

You laugh.

“He’s really living up to the name. The only narc bigger than him was the other Marco.”

Telling Jean when Mikasa was upset at him. Telling Connie that Sasha forgot his birthday.

You feel Eren lift off of you, two hands firm on your shoulder, as he drags you closer to him. It’s warm hands that cup your face and it’s only then that you notice that his green eyes are rimmed with red and that he looks tired.

“I missed you too, you know?” Eren whispers.

You smile.

“I know.”

“You can just ask Maryam. I even cried about it.”

You snort, the tiniest wave of embarrassment peeling off of you, as you lean forward, wrapping your hands around his face.

“Really?”

“You already know that I’m already of the opinion that I’ve spent far too much of my life without you. That includes two weeks in California, Y/N.” Eren responds, voice soft.

You lean forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“How’s Connie?” you ask.

Eren smiles.

“He brought a framed picture of all of us from our wedding to the hospital room. He’s been fine this entire time.”

You snort.

“Typical.”

Eren laughs.

“He told the nurse you were his sister when she asked about the picture. So much so that they were ready to add you to his health documents and start screening you for blood diseases or some shit because he thought you were actually related.”

You both laugh. And you relish in the fact that Connie was still there, underneath his beaten body.

“Teddy is coming tomorrow for spelling bee practice. Gracie gave me two new ribbons – pink and purple with lace – and Maya wasn’t even excited to see Sukuna yesterday.” you state.

Eren’s eyes light up.

“Really?”

“Hold your horses, Eren. It took her two seconds before she was happy to see him again.”

Eren rolls his eyes.

“Well, Gracie’s coming tomorrow, so he can kiss my ass. And Falco too in a few days and you know I’m obviously his favorite.” Eren asks.

You shake your head at him. Always trying to one up Sukuna – something that was natural, since they were both so good with kids.

“You know, I didn’t even realize how big our family got before our eyes.” you whisper.

Eren smiles, before leaning forward, and closing the space between the two of you. He tastes like the remnants of the cookie – dusted sugar and coffee – hanging on his lips.

“Sometimes I forget I used to dream about this entire thing. Being away kind of reminded me of that.” Eren whispers.

“This entire thing?”

“You and me, the most. But also friends that live a few streets away. Teddy feeling like he has cousins and…and having kids.”

You smile.

“You know your kids adore you, right?

Eren smiles.

“They just have a recency bias. They love you way more than me.”

You roll your eyes.

“I don’t make their milk right.”

Eren pinches your cheek.

“And I don’t do Maya’s hair the way she likes it or make Marco’s bed properly. Same thing.”

You smile..

“They love us both. We’re both very lucky to have two healthy kids and a family that’s…that’s mostly healthy, that’s all together.”

Eren pauses, a light glisten in his eyes. You can tell that he doesn’t feel that.

“Eren?”

“Tell me about this dream of yours.” he mumbles.

You groan.

“Lana?”

“Technically Maya mentioned it too.” Eren adds.

You smile.

“It’s just a weird dream that I’ve been having. S’always dark and I’m driving. There’s a horn and clicking and I just wake up feeling all frazzled. I think I was just worrying about Connie too much.” you respond.

Eren shrugs.

“Maybe.”

“You don’t sound very convinced.” you state.

Eren sighs, scooching over as he leans towards the bowl of simmering noodles, straining them into the bowl that you have placed at the side. You can’t help but lean against his arm, Eren absentmindedly placing a kiss in your hair, as you watch the steam.

“Did you know that Maryam drove me to the hospital everyday to see Connie?”

You snort.

“Do you have no concern for your life? You are a father now, you know?”

You’re half convinced that Maryam hypnotized someone to get her license at the DMV. Or that she somehow became legally blind the few minutes that she sat behind the wheel.

“I mean, I do. But I just couldn’t bring myself to drive.”

You pause.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I would just sit in the chair and get all…all anxious just sitting there. I couldn’t even put the key in the engine.”

You lean forward, rubbing your hands up and down his biceps.

“Any reason why?” you ask.

Eren signs, before leaning forward, with his eyes focused on the calendar.

“You know, you always forget to change the calendar.”

“I don’t really look at it.” you state.

Eren leans forward, switching the page from last month to the current one, which is when you notice it.

That it’s June. That it’s been June for a few days now and that you didn’t even keep track of the numbers.

“When did your dream start?” Eren asks.

You get it now.

“Four days ago.” you state, throat dry.

Eren gives you a halfhearted smile, as he counts backwards, all the way to June 11th.

The day that Marco died. And you didn’t even realize. That you went about your business that day – taking Maya to piano, dropping off Teddy at school – and you didn’t even think about it.

“Oh my god, Eren.” you mumble.

“That’s when I couldn’t drive. I…I didn’t necessarily remember, but…but it just felt wrong.”

“I forgot.” you whisper.

“So did I.” Eren responds.

You feel the tears burn out of your sockets as you realize – realize that Marco’s death anniversary passed and you forgot, that you were already in the early hours of his birthday and you didn’t remember – and that time was passing so fast you can’t even remember what he looks like anymore.

You can’t help but lean forward, wracking quiet tears into Eren’s shoulder, as you realize the dream. The clicking sounds were camera flashes, the car cuts you off and you crash, and you feel like you know them, because the paparazzi always seem familiar to you.

You were dreaming about Marco dying. From Marco’s perspective. And Eren can’t get in the car, because he’s petrified it’s going to happen to him.

The thought crosses your mind that Eren rushed back so fast – so fast because he was worried about you.

Not because of the dream, but because of that day. Because when Lana told him that Marco died – she didn’t specify his name. And his first thought was you – he thought you were the one who died.

He was always reminded of it, that feeling, whenever the day came around. The fear of you dying. You wonder if it crossed his mind a few days ago.

Eren lets go, shuffling behind you to rummaging through the fridge.

“Anything close to cake?”

“There should be a cookie or two. Maybe at the top.” you mumble.

Eren slams the door shut behind you, as you reach for the drawer on the left, pulling out the colored flame candles from Grace’s surprise birthday, as Eren joins you at your side, plating the cookie in the center.

You jam the wax candle into the center, Eren quick with the matches at your side as you watch the flame light up purple, and the two of you lean closer to the warmth.

It was the one tradition that you and Eren afforded yourself. That every year on Marco’s birthday, you made a wish for him. And after the fact, you wouldn’t reminisce on it at all – not unless it was happy.

It’s what he would have wanted.

“You first, Eren.”

Eren sighs.

“I wish you were still here with us. But I hope you’re happy wherever you are, Marco.”

Eren’s wish is the same every year.

You smile, leaning your head against Eren’s shoulder.

“I know you told us you’d haunt us if we ever apart, but I didn’t realize that applied to domestic travel, Marco.”

Eren gives you a teary laugh.

“I hope you’re resting easy, wherever you are. Come visit me in my dreams the good way. Keep all the bad stuff away.” you mumble.

You and Eren give each other a look, before lightly blowing out the candles together, and wrapping yourselves in each other’s embrace.

You remember shreds of a very vague dream the next morning.

It’s your wedding day. But somehow Marco and Maya are there, giggling as they pass the two of you rings.

And the other Marco’s standing there too, smiling and giving his approval.

an: ah yes. method acting in the lords month august 2024. had to make it angsty for obvious reasons. we all know who I am at my core. also why did this make me cry I miss this fic so much

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