#you are inadvertently saying that she did not deserve to be forgiven

[the-cat-at-the-theatre-door]

Semi negative below the cut - 

Here's the thing like...fundamentally, what the majority of the US Tour 6 indicating that they believe "the wrong cat died" really shows to me is that the understanding of the show has been somewhat lost over the years.

This is no disrespect towards any of them, and I believe that joking about this subject is absolutely within an area of general fun and lightheartedness (we do it literally all the time), but at the end of the day it misses the point.

[hekateinhell]

I was reviewing something for school the other day and got into a refresher on dynamics and behaviors within narcissistic families. In a narcissistic family with more than one child, there tends to be a golden child (the one who can do no wrong, is forgiven and granted everything, the obvious favorite), and a scapegoat child (the one who does everything wrong in the eyes of their parent(s), is consistently put-down, etc.).

And because I'm incapable of not applying everything to VC, the following occurred to me: is this not Marius's exact approach to Lestat (the golden child) and Armand (the scapegoat)?

Even by the end of the series, Marius is threatening and demeaning Armand publicly, while Lestat--who objectively is much more capricious, governed by his impulses, and has wrecked more havoc for vampire-kind in the past 50 years than Armand did in 500 years--is treated like one of the adults in comparison.

This isn't to say Marius treats Lestat well, he doesn't. But he does treat him a hell of a lot better and it's very much a source of contention between Armand and Lestat, at least on Armand's part (as it generally plays out in real life as well; this would understandably be detrimental to a healthy sibling relationship). Lestat seems oblivious to it (the golden child is often inclined to be).

It's quite literally in the text.

Armand to Lestat in BC:

“I have loved you more than any being in all the world whom I’ve ever loved.”

Also Armand, Not An Entire Page Later...

“But how could I not hate you, you who went in search of my maker all those long years ago when I scarce believed in him anymore—and was found by him, saved from the earth by him, welcomed into his lair by him, you whom he loved, you to whom he told the secrets of our beginning, when he had never come to free me from the Children of Satan, you to whom he gave his love, while resigning me to the ruins of all you’d destroyed around me. I hate you! I understand the very definition of ‘hate’ when I think of you.”

I never read Armand's hot and cold relationship with Lestat as having anything to do with Louis per se, but rather a combination of Lestat inadvertently destroying Armand's cult (a good thing), Lestat subsequently abandoning Armand to a world he didn't understand how to live in (a bad thing to Armand; while crude, I do see it as a hidden good), and Marius constantly playing favorites (a bad, bad thing).

I can't remember if it was on here or not, but someone once pointed out there's such a stark difference between the Marius that Anne thought she was writing and the Marius that she actually wrote. I know, I know they're vampires, but vampires aren't real and they were written by a real person--it's inevitable that real world themes and dynamics would seep into her writing (they did! often!), and I love analyzing them for meta and fic purposes.

Anyway.

Armand and Lestat deserved better, get them to a children's counselor's office (trust me on this) and get Marius the heck out of there.

[iwantescapism13]

Sasha not forgiving Marcy is totally within her character.

For those of you who said she sounded hypocritical in ‘The Beginning of the End’, be honest with yourselves. If you’re in Sasha’s situation, would you really forgive your friend for getting you stranded in another world without your consent?

If your answer is “yes of course, because she’s my best friend”, then you’re missing the point.

Forgiveness is not something someone gives because they are blood-related or they’re someone important to them or it’s something that they deserve. A person forgives because they want to make peace with themselves... to set themselves free... to let go. And most importantly: because they truly want to. It’s not for the sake of others. It’s not an obligation.

I have heard people argue regarding her intense reaction to Lysil’s and Angwin’s predicament in ‘Olm Town Road’ and why, if she could be that passionate about shouting at Parisia to give those two olms (that she just met) a chance, couldn’t she give the same chance for Marcy when they’ve been best friends since forever?

And my thoughts on that is: the circumstance is completely different.

Marcy’s actions most likely hurt so much more than Sasha could ever admit. Actually, she even said it herself.

People were probably too preoccupied with the bitchy, manipulative Sasha to recognize the fact that she had suffered in her own ways too. And unlike Anne, she had no support on her journey. Only enabling her bad traits.

Remember what she’d been through. When she appeared near Toad Tower, Grime imprisoned her for who knows how long. She was able to survive because she was charismatic enough to befriend the guards and it all worked well in her favor. Yes, she was eventually appointed a high position next to Grime... but overall, she suffered most of the time. And she had to, for the sake of trying to find her friends.

She was put in a position where she had to forcefully grow strong and independent. It’s good for her, sure. But did she ever want that? In the first place, no. She’s the head of the cheerleaders, she’s a queen in her school, and she was an influence. And (you all like to say this) she’s a kid. Who would want to be put in a world where you have to act like an adult?

I admire Sasha for being honest about this because forgiveness shouldn’t be something that she should do for the sake of making sure that their friendship dynamic stays intact. She needs to really genuinely forgive Marcy. And with all the things she had been through, the doubt is understandable. You could say... it was Sasha’s “trauma”.

That’s why Anne’s speech was important. Not only did she learn to forgive Hop-Pop (where he inadvertently got her stuck in Amphibia longer than was supposed to by hiding the Calamity Box), but she also learned to acknowledge that she needs to make peace with herself. She can’t keep holding a grudge. It’s not good for her mental health. That’s what she wants Sasha to learn too.

And well, the good thing is, she did. She understood what Anne’s trying to say. However, even if she did agree with Anne, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she has automatically forgiven Marcy... but I know she’ll try her best (as she always do).

That’s... such a great development.

If it wasn’t for the 11-minute restriction, we could’ve had more pauses and more time for Anne and Sasha to talk about this. But even with this kind of restriction, it turned out okay anyway.

[something-tofightfor]

Christmas in July #5: Just One Thing I Need

Pairing: Ezra x Female Reader (’Starlight’ / NSFW Alphabet Ezra and Reader)

Word Count: 2,748

Rating: Slight NSFW; It’s kinda smutty. Language. Sexual content. Mentions of canon-typical violence and events that took place during the movie. Ezra’s remaining hand and his mouth deserve warnings of their own. 

I am SO SAD to not include this entire gif within the post, but this screenshot still gets the point across. Thank you for this request, @cannedsoupsucks - I need to get back to Ezra and this Reader at some point VERY SOON because they’ve been waiting patiently ... so here’s a glimpse. Had to include a little bit of angst, becuase it’s so close to when Ezra returned from the Green ... but it’s still decidedly fluffy... and kinda sorta smutty, too. For a minute. 

Lifting his mouth from where it had been previously - the patch of skin just above your hip that drove you wild - Ezra’s voice filled the room. “Do you realize, Starlight, that this is the first Christmas I’ve been on the Ephrate with just you since -” “Since the first year we were together.” You interrupted him, your mumbled words ending with a sharp intake of breath as he lowered his lips again, a damp trail left behind as he moved them. “Ezra, you … I’m not stupid. Kevva, what are you doing?” You knew exactly what the man was doing; he was trying to distract you, to keep you from getting out of bed and leaving him alone in the chilly morning air. “Ezra.” With a quiet laugh, you used both hands to reach for his head, the man’s cheek pressed against your bare stomach, breath fanning out over the dampened, exposed skin. “Come on, look at me.” 

He did, turning over so that he was laying on his back, dark eyes finding yours in the mid-morning light as his head turned to the side again. “I’m looking at you, just as you requested.” He raised an eyebrow and you were happy to see that his cheeks were fuller than they had been only a few months earlier, his eyes bright and warm again. He’s getting there. “Was there something that you wanted to discuss?” “When’s Cee coming back?” You ran your fingers through his hair, head cocked to one side. “I know it was supposed to be before Christmas, but …” But that storm’s headed in, and … “She won’t be here until after, will she?” “She will not.” Ezra only sounded slightly disappointed, sadness briefly flashing in his eyes before he spoke again. “There’s no time to switch her transport, nor are there earlier tickets available to do so. With this snowstorm, it’s safer for her to say at school, with her friends until the second half of her holiday break commences.” That’s what I thought. “She’s going to spend Christmas with Dyna and her family, right?” Ezra nodded, the rasp of his beard against your skin making you shiver. He knows he’s doing that, too. “Good.” Ezra reached out with his hand, fingers closing around your elbow and squeezing. “As much as I love having her here, Ezra … I…” Trailing off, you bit your lip and looked away. I’m being selfish. I … she’s just a kid, and she’s important to him, which means she’s important to me, too. 

“I understand, Starlight.” With only a little difficulty, Ezra lifted himself into a sitting position, his hold on you tightening and your arm helping to stabilize him as he rose. “You can say it.” “It’s been too many holidays apart, Ezra. Too many birthdays and Christmases and Harvests and New Turns. For both of us. I want to celebrate things with her - with both of you, but …” You shrugged. “Right now, for this Christmas? The first one back? I’m happy it’s just the two of us.” “She’ll celebrate with Dyna and Aric and their parents. She’ll get to see real snow for the first time, since they’re out in the flats.” You nodded, eyes still on the man. “You and I will spend the day together, and when we pick her up from the docking station?” He leaned closer, sliding his legs over the sheets and moving up so that he was closer to your face. “We’ll have a second Christmas a few days late, with Cee.” 

“Does that make me a terrible person, though?” Frowning, you reached out, fingertips finding and moving over the silvery scar on his cheek. “She’s just a kid, and it’s Christmas.” He said your name, lowering his face toward yours and pressing a kiss to your lips, the action much gentler than you were used to from him. No, it’s much gentler than it was before. Now … this is normal. 

“Think of it this way.” Rubbing the tip of your nose with his, you felt him smile. “A half turn ago, she was on the Green with Damon. Had those unfortunate circumstances not occurred, she likely wouldn’t be celebrating one Christmas, and if she did? It wouldn’t be anything like either of the ones she’ll have with us.” He brushed your hair away from your face with his large hand, staring into your eyes. “Now? She’ll get two days to spend with those she cares about. Two days of feeling safe and warm and happy, with no expectations placed upon her except that she enjoy them.” 

It still astounded you - the way he’d come to care about the girl so quickly, despite everything that had occurred since they’d met. You knew that he felt guilty about inadvertently causing Damon’s death, but Ezra spent his days trying to make up for that - with himself and with the girl, and she’d long since forgiven him. And he’ll forgive himself, too. Eventually.  “You’re right.” Sighing, you gave him a lopsided smile. “You’re always right, Ezra.” “I am far from always right, Starlight.” He kissed you again, this one more heated than the first, lips insistently pressed to yours. “We both know that.” You reached for him, mindful of the end of his arm, hidden beneath the short sleeve of the dark shirt he wore, and made contact with his side, fingers pressed to his ribs - which weren’t as prominent anymore. “But if you’re being selfish, I must confess that I am selfish, too.” What? “You’re not the only one that counted those missed holidays. With each one that passed, I also marked them into the volume of my life, though it was in very different ways than you.” 

He’d had very little with him when he and Cee finally fled the Green on the stolen rock jumper, but one of the things that he’d managed to conceal safely in his suit along with a modest stash of aurelac was a small journal, pages covered front to back in Ezra’s tiny, neat handwriting. It was one of the first things he’d shown to you when you were reunited, and so you knew what he was referring to. He kept track of the days he’d spent on the desolate moon in there - circling the important ones, making notes about others that held significance in shorthand that only he understood. Because he wanted to remember, even when it was hopeless. “We did what we could, Ezra.” 

You could feel him beginning to withdraw, his thoughts turning back to the extended period of time on the Green, and so you chose not to let him, placing the hand that wasn’t on his side on his cheek to turn his head back toward you. Look at me, Ezra. You’re here. “We did.” He smiled then, warmth returning to his eyes and his expression coming back to life. “The same way we will now, when my feet and heart are firmly back upon the Ephrate’s surface.” Ezra stared at you for a few seconds without speaking, and you waited, knowing that he had more to say. He always does. “Now. We should get dressed and go to get that tree you promised me before the snow hits here.” 

--- 

You had to go to three different locations and it took a few hours, but you and Ezra finally found the perfect tree for your living room, a kind man helping Ezra carry it to your vehicle and the two of them lashing it to the top. You could tell that he was frustrated - before, you and Ezra would have handled it yourself, the man doing most of the knot-tying and heavy lifting, but with only one arm, there were new limitations that he was still getting used to. And, you thought as you both settled into your seats to go home, he’s going to need all of his strength to help me carry it inside. 

That was less of a struggle than you imagined it to be, with Ezra holding onto the trunk end and you using both hands to stabilize the needled top as you carried it up the few steps and through your front door. Once it was securely in the stand - and only leaning slightly to one side, the two of you stood back to admire your work, Ezra using his arm to pull you back and into his chest, fingers wrapped around the front of your shoulder. “It may be hubris on my part, but I … believe that we did well, Starlight.” You laughed at that, the silhouette of the tree in front of the window making you feel giddy. 

“It’s not. It looks damn good, Ezra.” He kissed the side of your head, rocking slightly back and forth. “I’ll dig the lights out later tonight, and then the ornaments tomorrow. We’ll have it done in no time.” He’d never helped you decorate for the holiday before, but in the weeks he’d spent recovering from his injuries on the Green in your house, the two of you had agreed to hold nothing back while moving forward, sharing every experience possible. Christmas is no different. “Plenty of time to wrap the presents and get them under there before Cee gets home.”

His arm tightened around you at that, Ezra pulling you even closer. “In the spirit of Christmas, there’s something else I need to admit to you.” He spoke quietly, murmuring into your ear. “Cee being delayed is … fortuitous.” Is it? How? He urged you to turn and face him, and when you did, you were met with the full strength of Ezra’s gaze, the man unblinking as he watched you. “It gives me the only gift I truly want.” 

“W… what do you want, Ezra?” You felt heat creeping through your body at the way he was staring at you. Though you’d craved it while he was gone, you were still getting used to the intensity of Ezra’s full attention, to the way him watching you as if he could see inside of you still made you feel the same way it had when you’d first met him in your lecture hall. I thought he’d want to spend this holiday with her … with all three of us together, but he … this seems like … he wants something else. 

“You.” He leaned in, lips tracing over your temple and then down, his hand following the same path on the other side of your face. “All I want this Christmas is you, and for the two of us to have a chance to -” You kissed him hard as an interruption, both hands coming up to the sides of his face to keep him from moving, but Ezra wasn’t going anywhere. And he won’t again. “You like hearing that, don’t you?” You could tell that he was smiling as he spoke, but all you could do was nod, both eyes closed as you leaned your forehead against his. I do. “Incredible.” He kissed you again, your lower lip fit perfectly between both of his. “I’ve rendered you speechless, Starlight, with a simple -” “Ezra.” You breathed out his name, relief flooding your body again at the fact that he felt the same as you - that as much as he wanted Cee to have normal holidays, he was just as thankful as you were to have more time together, just the two of you. There was plenty of time to talk - to continue rehashing the years you’d spent apart, the months you’d worried about him, the things that he’d endured during his trip. Now’s not the time. Now isn’t… “Up, Ezra.” Taking a half step back, you moved both hands to the hem of his shirt, taking the fabric between both hands. “Lift your arms up.” 

It had taken the man over a month to show you the extent of his injuries; not only the healing wound on the arm he’d had amputated, but the scarring on his chest, along with the other marks on his body that hadn’t been there the last time you’d seen him. But they’re a part of him now, and he has to… understand that I want to see them. “What are you … we have a tree to…” But you could hear in his voice that he didn’t want you to stop, one arm raised high above his head and the other extended upward as far as it would go to match.

“The tree can wait.” You pulled the long-sleeved shirt off, letting it drop to the floor with a quiet thunk as the knotted sleeve hit. “There’s a snowstorm coming, right? That means we’re gonna be stuck for a while.” He grinned, the expression genuine, and you let your gaze roam over his exposed skin before you met his eyes again. “I just wanted you back too, Ezra.” You nodded once. “And now I’ve got you.” Without warning, you dropped to your knees, looking up at him. “It’s the best gift I could have asked for. So I’m going to make it count. All of it.” 

“Starlight, I…” But he didn’t stop you, even as your hands undid the button on his pants followed by the zipper. More often than not since he’d been back in your life, you’d been the one to initiate intimacy, but you didn’t mind. Not with him. Ezra’s fingers wrapped around your chin, his thumb tracing over your lower lip. Yeah? Silently questioning him with a smirk and a raised eyebrow, you felt the seconds tick by, hearing the quiet but constant tick-tick-tick as the ice pellets began to hit the windows. It starts. “What are you waiting for?” His voice was thick with desire, but he didn’t look away, even as your hand found the slit in the front of his underwear, fingers wrapping around him and tugging his length free. 

From the moment that you wrapped your lips around the tip, you knew that you had him; Ezra’s eyes snapping shut and his mouth flying open, a string of words reaching your ears that you’d never grow tired of hearing him say. There was no need for him to be quiet, and so he wasn’t, the hand dropping from your chin to your shoulder, bracing himself on your body. When you finally pulled back to take a deep breath, you glanced up, noticing that Ezra had fallen silent. “What?” Clearing your throat, you swallowed, slowly stroking him with one hand. “Got real quiet, Ezra. Do you want me to stop?” “No, I want to get back into that Kevva-damned bed with you right now, Starlight.” He rasped the words out, voice thick and slightly hoarse. “Get up.” You loved that you could do that to him, loved hearing the change in his voice, the drop as he told you what he wanted and needed from you. “We’ll finish this there, where I can fulfil my obligation and show you thoroughly just how much I appreciate being alone with you.” 

Pulling your hand away from him, you held both of them up, palms facing out as you rose to your feet, taking a step back. “I’m an obligation to you now, Ezra?” But you were joking and he knew it, even as he bent down to remove his pants one leg at a time after tucking himself back behind the fabric of his underwear, though it did little to hide his excitement from you. It never did. He groaned as he straightened up, standing in front of you wearing only the one article of clothing, lean body on full display. Oh, I missed you, Ezra. “I don’t mean it like that.”  

“I know.” He took a step toward you, forcing you backward, and even though there was no malice in his posture or expression, Ezra stayed silent until you reached the doorway of the bedroom, his eyes landing on the window and causing you to turn away from him to look. “It’s really coming down, isn’t it?” In the minutes that you’d spent on your knees in front of him, the ice had changed to snow, fat flakes swirling outside of the window. “Good.” He stepped behind you, arm snaking around your waist and his palm sliding beneath your shirt and up, settling just beneath the bottom of your bra as he held you close again. “Looks like I’ll have to ensure that you’re well taken care of until it lets up.”

---

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[starr-fall-knight-rise]

HASO, “A Better Man.”

Just tying up some things after yesterday. Since it is a holiday this weekend we are very busy at my job so it is kind of short, but I hope it works, and I hope you all like it :)

Adam sat on a rock, watching as a long line of Drev snaked back into the distance and over the horizon, all here to see their new saint: to see sunny in all her martial glory. He watched from a distance admiring her as she glimmered like a shining beacon over the land before her: A fallen star come to rest on earth.

Even from here, he could hear her voice, and leaned back against the mossy stone as he listened to her words.

The scroll she had been carrying was being feverishly copied by volunteer Drev scribes as they murmured and spoke about their new doctrine. He was surprised how eager the Drev seemed, and how nonviolent sunny’s exaltation unto sainthood had been. Even the traditionalist seemed to be falling in line, staunchly eager to accept a new saint. He had sort of expected a riot to come out of all this, with he traditionalists rising up against a radical new doctrine, but…. Oddly enough compared to biblical humans, when Drev said traditional they meant it. And it was traditionally accepted to accept the word of the saints as fact.

And damn how he admired her.

The first Drev in 500 years, and of course it was going to be Sunny.

She was amazing after all, the most determined badass he had ever known. Of course she was going to change the world. He wanted to be more like her. She changed the world, while he struggled to change himself.

The thought didn’t make him bitter, or jealous, not in any way at all, which only marginally surprised him. In fact he felt a glowing of immense pride for her, a smugness towards the others because he knew her and they didn’t. He was acquainted with the saint of the burning sun, who else could really say that? But then, there was also in him a slight welling of sadness, bitter sweet.

Sunny was everything he knew she had been all along. The most amazing person he had ever met, and now….. Now he doubted he would ever have a chance to try again. She was surely going t obe too busy being the Moses for her people to ever bother even interacting with him ever again. As a Sentinel he knew enough to know that he was now below her in rank, so it would probably be unbecoming for her to remain as a crewman aboard his ship.

But as he sat on his rock, taking long deep breaths of the dewey morning air he was….. Able to accept that. Actions had consequences, he had had his chance, and she had moved on to greater and better things.

He was happy for her.

He was proud of her.

And deep down he was surprised to find that he wasn’t even lying to himself. 

He leaned back against his rock and closed his eyes allowing the golden sun to warm his body.

He drifted in and out for a little while, listening to her voice, listening the words of the new Drev doctrine.

And at some point was lulled to sleep by the rhythmic cadence of her voice.

“Is that any way to treat your saint.”

He jolted awake bolt upright on his rock, immediately lifting his hands as he was blinded by a sparking array of colors thrown off of pearlescent white armor.”

He held up a hand squinting past the rays of light and up to the face which stared down at him with some measure of amusement. His palms grew immediately clammy with sweat, and his heart skipped a few beats inside his chest.

He stood quickly, and then knelt as he had seen the other Drev do, head bowed low.

“WHat are you doing?”

He kept his head bowed, “As a sentinel to my clan, it is only proper of me to show the same respect to you as they.”

“Is this how things are going to be….. Formal and stiff from now on?”

He lifted his head to look up at her still being forced to squint, hand raised gain, “I mean…. It can be if that’s how you want… Or I’m just being an idiot…. Again.”

“Hmmm so I see nothing has changed on that front…. You can stand up.”

He stood keeping one hand over his eye and adjusting the light filter on his mechanical eye so he coil finally look her in the face. He lifted his chin, and shuffled his feet into a better stance,”You can do it if you want.”

She tilted her head, a look of confusion on her face, “Do what?”

“Hit me.”

“Hit you!”

“Yeah, as payback. I mean yo-”

She paused just then head tilted, reaching out a hand to the side of his face, gently tilting his head to the side. Where her fingers touched his skin, his body erupted into tingling tongues of fire.

He swallowed, “Who did this.” he wondered, examining the bruises along his jaw and neck.”

“I uh…. Its not important. Just a…”

“I did.”

Sunny and Adam both looked up to see Cannon marching across the moss towards them, his armor glinting, a spear held in one hand. Sunny took her hand back and Adam’s skin bubbled lightly with the memory of her hand.

“You Did this?”

“Yeah, I did.” Cannon held his head high.

“Why?”

“Because he hurt my little sister, did you expect me to just be ok with that?”

“To the contrary, I think Adam has inadvertently ushered the Drev into a new age of enlightenment, so cut him some slack.”

Cannon Glowered at him and Adam stepped nervously to the side, “So you…. Don’t want to kick my ass.”

“Only in a fair duel.”

Adam sighed, “Well I can tell you that is a fight I would definitely lose.”

Cannon just stared at her, “Seriously, you…. Don’t want to kick his ass? Not even a little?”

“No Cannon, I don’t want to hurt him unless it's fair. Would you both stop looking at me like I should be mad. I spent months on the top of the mountain in spiritual meditation. Its very, very difficult to hold onto any sort of anger when you are a bit busy trying to realign doctrine that has been slowly degrading for the past five centuries.”

Cannon stayed quiet, but Adam drew himself up setting his jaw and gripping a hand firmly around the spear he held against the stone.

“Either way, that doesn’t change the fact that I still owe you an apology. No, I owe you far more than that in ways that words cannot express. WHat I did was wrong, and it hurt you unfairly, so I find it's only fair if there is some way I can pay you back.” Cannon went to open his mouth and Adam held up a hand glowering at the Drev who, surprisingly took a step back, “Furthermore, I wanted to take the time to tell you how proud I am, and how proud we all are of you. You are everything I knew you were and more, and It was an honor to know you.”

She tilted her head a little, “Was an honor? You’re talking about me like I’m dead.”

“Oh, no, no no, that's not what I meant. I’m sorry, I just meant to serve with you on the ship.”

“I am still not following you.”

“I was…. Assuming that you were going to be staying here? To lead the Drev into a new age of enlightenment…. Thought you wouldn’t really have time to go galavanting across the galaxy with the rest of us hoodlums.” 

Sunny laughed, and he stood there a bit nonplussed.

“I did not just become Queen of Anin, Adam. A saint is simply a conduit for the word of the spirits. I served my purpose as that conduit. Yes I might take a month or two to teach what I know to the Drev Sentinels, but beyond that the decementation of the word will be through Clan Magnates. If someone doesn't like the change in doctrine, than they can fight it out among themselves. That job is not mine.”

Adam blinked in surprise, “I…. so your saying…”

“I am saying that I will be returning to my post aboard your ship.” 

He stood up a bit straighter a little more Surprised now, “You will…. I… Well I admit I didn’t expect that, but your position is certainly open for whenever you return.”

She lifted her chin and ten reached out to rest a hand on his shoulder, “Adam, relax, it’s ok.”

“I am glad you have forgiven me, but it isn’t ok, and I am not going to pretend it is.” He rested a hand over hers, “You're Always welcome aboard my ship Sunny. IF there is anything I can do to help your efforts here, then just say the word, I am at your disposal.”

“Thank you for your support. Expect my return in two months time, at which time I expect you to be kidnapped. Krill to be having a nervous breakdown, and a new alien species to be aboard the ship.”

He smiled, “Count on it. Now get going, these people need to be enlightened.”

He watched her go leaning on his spea, one eye still covered over from her brilliance.

Now she had gone and proven to be even better than all that. She wasn’t even mad at him, she had…. Forgiven him, or so it seemed. It was such an act of….. Such extreme…. He didn’t even know what.

But whatever it was he admired it. 

He stood a bit straighter head held high.

That was it, if Sunny was going to go and be a better person, to really live up to whatever potential she was meant to, then he was going to do the same. With her as an example he was going to follow in her footsteps.

Maybe then he could be a better man.

The kind of man that could even halfway live up to the expectations of someone like her. To be someone she deserved even if he had lost his chance.  He would leave it up to her, and in the meantime he would turn himself into someone it would be worthwhile to know.

He smiled, feeling as if he had been filled with a glowing warmth from her very presence.

“That’s our Sunny.” He said softly nodding his head.

“That’s OUR saint.”

[chocopvffz]

My Problems with Fandom

It’s been a while since I’ve kinda just let out my thoughts and feelings on this stale hell site. It’s just now more than ever I’m having the weirdest realizations while I’m participating in any Fanbase. This topic may piss ppl off. But to that, I say fuck it, I’m gonna do it.

Around 2 years ago I took a backseat to actively participating in fandom. So I’d be more of an onlooker rather than someone who contributed. Just reblogging stuff rather than making my own content. Usually in fandom, things are said in the heat of the moment, with little thought and more emotions. Taking a step back I started to realize that while that’s fine in and of itself, You’re entitled to what you like and what’s interesting to you, but I’ve realized that people kinda settle for the bare minimum. Especially now that representation for marginalized groups is becoming the norm. Which is great, but there are still problems that plague us as a community.

I just finished watching Unicorn of War’s video on RWBY, and they delved into the absolutely garbage writing that surrounded The White Fang subplot. I highly recommend you watch the video, it’s about the bad representation of minority oppression and how it relates to RWBY as a whole. While this post doesn’t stem from that in particular. what did was though is how UoW confessed that they were guilty of completely ignoring how harmful the writing was for pocs, as well as downright silencing and downplaying poc that had a problem with the writing. Unicorn of War is not racist, the fact that they realized the type of systemic racism they’ve been inadvertently spreading is so harmful is a a step in the right direction. Here is where the problem lies. UoW said that they were a perpetrator of this because they were to focused on the representation the show did give the fans. They said that they lumped all of the genuine criticism of the problems with homophobes and bigots because they didn’t want to hear any of the criticism at all. RWBY has some pretty shit representation in ever field. UoW said that they were settling for the stuff they did get because they get so little, and their whiteness blinded them to listening and trying to understand why so man poc had an issue with the show.

Basically what I’m trying to say is that, a lot of the time In Fandom, ppl would rather settle for what they do have and what caters to them, rather than criticize a product of its faults and ask for more.

I’ve been scared to talk about She-Ra because the fandom is pretty scary. I liked the show. To me it wasn’t anything special. But it was a fine show, and I can’t wait for what the crew does next. But here’s where a lot of the issues come from for me. There are some problems both w/ the show, and the representation. Catra and Adora have been queercoded up until the very end where it does get revealed that they are in fact lesbians. Which is great and all but at the end of the day. They kiss at the very end of the last episode, nothing was explicit before then. But the thing is that Catra is an abusive manipulative person, that kinda just gets a pat on the back, and all is forgiven when she realizes she’s alone(both in the fandom and the show). I mean glimmer got more hate than Catra. The point I’m trying to make is that I’ve seen way to many ppl ignore the fact that they side stepped the development of Catra and Adora, and kinda get mad at the ppl that criticize that we could have gotten better rep. For a lot of the fans, at least from what I’ve seen, yall are okay with the problems the show has as long as you get some form of rep. Which is valid, but when that complacency spills over into silencing ppl with criticisms. This usually happens when someone has had another experience with the show where the thing that represents them isnt done as well. it rubs me the wrong way. Someone could see Catra’s behavior, liken her to a toxic person they knew, criticize how the show kinda ignores that. I can bet that some ppl would tell this person that they’re wrong, because she ended up where she did at the end.

This brings me to my last example, during my watch of Infinity Train, I started getting a little bit more involved in the fandom; reblogging, commenting. During the show I noticed a small amount (larger than I would have liked) making passive aggressive remarks toward Grace (the only black girl and protagonist of the season). They were all in regard to her having a redmeption arc. At first I was kinda in denial. Like most ppl are immediately after suffering an injustice, cuz despite her being an awful person at first. She gets better. And there are so little black women that are protagonists. I felt represented. But then I’d see ppl demeaning her in order to make her friend Simon (basically the antagonist) more sympathetic. Mind you he’s white. And after the show ended I had a weird encounter. There were many posts about how enthralling it was that Grace, a black women, telling Simon, a white man, that his problems were his own, and she doesn’t have to be the one to fix them. Most of the ppl that made these posts were woc. The show isn’t about race, but the fact that the character is black resonated with a lot of ppl.

Under ever single one of these posts, I saw multiple people, getting weirdly angry at them. Like “this has nothing to do with race, why are you bringing it up here.” Which I guess is fair, but no one says it as much to ppl when the post is about sexuality. So getting fed up, I responded to one of these ppl explaining how odd it is that the characters that get really popular are always of the same archetype. White Sad Boys, it’s the same with ships. Instead of critiquing the show or anything I wanted to call attention to subconscious biases in fandom. The person accuses me of calling them racist, tells me that race isn’t an issue in fandom, and tried to gaslight me into thinking that what I was talking about doesnt apply to how ppl choose who their favorite character is.

This issue here isn’t about the race, or the actual content in the show. It was about the person telling me that the empowerment I and other woc experienced while watching infinity train s3, doesn’t exist and we shouldn’t criticize ppl putting her down in order to uplift the antagonist.

Which leads back to the point I’m trying to make. So many ppl in fandom settle for whats there instead of trying to make things more representative of everyone. Representation can always get better, we just have to stop fighting ppl that give constructive criticism to the things we like.

And I’m completely guilty of this too, that’s why I took a step back. I don’t like silencing ppl when they try to criticize something that resonates with me. So I try to sit back and let them tell me what can be done better based on their experiences. I’m still struggling. I’m pretty sure I was ultra defensive with the person telling me that race doesn’t matter.

This happens a lot more with white ppl than it does with people of color. And this isn’t a dig on any white person at all. It’s just that white have a vastly different experience than a poc. A white LGBT person is going to have a completely different experience than a black lgbt person. Just like a cishet white person is going to have from a poc cishet person. And since we have different experiences, there are aspects of my life you won’t understand and vice versa. An abuse survivor is going to be more equip to tell us what works better than other things in a story that tackles those subjects. You see what I mean.

I just want everyone to take a step back and consider the criticism that is being made. And try to understand why this person may see it that way.

TLDR; We need to stop silencing marginalized ppl just because they criticize things we relate to, especially when it pertains to their experiences. It’s settling for the bare minimum when we deserve better. Just because we’ve got a gay character doesnt mean the show is perfect. It happens way more than we think. Especially now more than ever.

Sorry this is so long, and full of typos. I just needed to rant.

[rosethi]

s2e09 Kyoru SO MANY FEELS and HOLY I just realized Kana+Hatori (Kanatori?) is a foil to Kyoru

I have waited so many years for this adaptation so here’s all the brilliant things that I’m crying about (a lot of them things that I’ve seen other people mention!) 

Also in the midst of editing this I finally realized why Kana was written so similarly to Tohru, and how Kanatori’s past tragedy is a perfect foil to Kyoru. Everyone loves how tragically romantic their story is and rightfully blames Akito for ruining their happiness, but it is much harder to see the dark messages about their relationship that is subtlely conveyed through contrast with Kyoru.

First, the resemblances:

Kind-hearted outside girl and initially withdrawn cursed boy fall in love

Girl find out about curse and accepts boy

Boy with miserable life becomes softer and happier

Akito disapproves

Deconstruction of tropes

Early on in the story, Kanatori is established as a trope that kyoru then spends the entire story deconstructing.

“love is like spring”

Kanatori : love is often compared to a blooming spring season, which Fruits Basket uses explicitly as a metaphor for Hatori’s love. Hatori calls Hana his spring, and their relationship follows a clear direction from meeting in winter, blossoming in spring, and wilting in winter. Hatori’s heart is reflected in this arc as he goes from having an untouched heart, to loving passionately, to breaking his heart and leaving it in seemingly eternal winter. Kana and Hatori’s relationship is ephemeral like the seasons, their happiness only lasting two months and knowing each other for one year. Their love follows the more common relationship trope of having the life-changing experience of falling in love dramatically.

Kyoru: In contrast, Kyo and Tohru’s relationship is a slow burn with no discernible beginning (or end). The episode begins with kyoru during autumn, followed by a more recent scene at the beach during the summer. Kyo wonders when his feelings started because he can’t place a time. By the time that he realizes that he loves Tohru, it feels as if he has always loved her from the start. Their love is all-encompassing over all seasons of the year, because it’s their daily happiness from being with each other that gradually and unknowingly turns to love. It re-enforces the idea that the most important thing that Tohru did is to just stay and live life together with Kyo. This also leads to deconstruction of the next trope...

“love heals all” 

Kanatori: Once again Hatori and Kana’s relationship serves as a foil to Kyoru. Kana shows how self-defeating and tragic love can be if the relationship is based on healing and fixing each other. Hatori lived an apathetic existence of being duty-bound to his curse. Kana "healed” Hatori with love, accepting his curse and filling him with hope of happiness that he once thought impossible. Hatori wept, feeling like he’s “forgiven and saved for the first time in his life”. It is Akito who reminds them that Kana’s love isn’t going to fix Hatori’s problems, ruining their relationship by pointing out its flawed beliefs. Akito knows that both are looking for salvation from the curse in their love, so he easily ruins their relationship by pointing out how Kana is unable to save Hatori, screaming at her “you’re not wanted / you can’t even break the curse!” Akito then goes further and scars Hatori, which is the piece that truly broke Kana and her love with Hatori irreparably. Kana believed her love is meant heal Hatori and protect him, but instead permanently hurt him. Due to the nature of their love, Kana was driven into an unforgivable position that she failed their duty to protect her loved one from harm. Hatori’s eye is not going to heal back with any amount of love, and so Hana spirals into despair until her memory is wiped. Her final words to Hatori is the core of their tragedy: “I’m sorry I failed to protect you.” Their story highlights the unrealistic ideals of healing love as a fragile relationship foundation. It is romantic and beautiful, but easily destroyed through the uncontrollable circumstances of life. If the purpose of a relationship is protecting and healing each other, it is so very easy to fail.

Kyoru: Kyo specifically says that Tohru didn’t heal him and cure all his problems - the most important thing she did was to stay by his side everyday, sharing life side by side. There’s no misplace romanticism on magically fixing your partner’s problems or taking away their pain. They experienced and shared small everyday joys. Kyoru is sweet and perfect because their love is born from their tiny daily gestures of love and happiness instead of grand dramatic events. Thanks to her parents’ relationship with each other and Tohru’s relationship with her mom, Tohru understands how central sharing lives together is to personal relationships, and it’s why she offered it to Kyo during the True Form arc. On the other hand, while Kyo doesn’t expect Tohru to heal or protect him, demands these unrealistic expectations from himself to consider himself “worthy” of being with her. Kyo is driven by the same romantic notions of protecting that Kana was for the majority of the story. His misguided self-expectation becomes the primary obstacle to their relationship.

perfect protagonist

Akito’s criticism of Tohru - that “she’s too perfect” - is partially a stand-in for the audience criticisms. Tohru is considered a boring, flawless, doormat. But that too is being slowly deconstructed... Tohru’s quirks with her mom’s photo and her dedication towards her mom’s memory are being revealed as grief coping mechanisms. In fact, many of her personality traits are revealed to be coping mechanisms for past personal tragedies.

Other points:

Tohru was so happy for Kyo and he didn’t correct her...he didn’t want to worry or trouble her...and he assuaged her worries for him at the end of the day in the same way.

the “hentai” looking ropes: represents the bonds that ties the zodiac spirits together. They look purpled and corrupted now, like how the zodiac bonds became a curse and burden over time.

the first thing Kyo thought when he was called to see Akito was that Tohru was going to be left alone. 

When she’s finally left alone, Tohru goes to the beach and makes sandcastles...  compare this to New Year’s Eve, when Tohru was left alone at the start of the night, she sat with her mom’s photo and cried.

Manga spoilers under cut:

Other bits about the episode:

“I don’t want to take anything away from her anymore”: Kyo feeling at fault for his mother’s suicide paralleling with his guilt of feeling responsible for Kyoko’s death. He’s been internally fighting the accusations that he’s the one reason for his mother’s death most of his life. Then Kyoko’s death happens and crushes him so immensely that, to go on living, he had to redirect his self-hatred into a singular goal of hating and defeating Yuki. He feels responsible for taking away Tohru’s most important person, her mother, which inadvertently leads to her involvement in the Sohma family. Shigure was really the one responsible for Tohru’s involvement, but Kyo only knows of his own involvement. From his POV, he’s unworthy of being with Tohru since he ruined her life and took away her mom. He has personally experienced the loss of his mom and wishes for many many reasons that she had not died, further intensifying the guilt he feels over Tohru’s mom. Knowing how much Tohru loves and respects her mom, if Kyoko said that she won’t forgive Kyo...no wonder he feels like he doesn’t deserve to be with Tohru. 

Akito is calling Tohru a monster because she accepts and has a close relationship with Kyo. Anyone who accepts Kyo is both treated as a saint for tolerating a monster and a monster for accepting a monster - he has already experienced this with his mother and with Kazuma. His mom was the most affected, being constantly blamed and derided for bringing a monster into existence until she committed suicide. He was raised to believe that anyone would be worse off by having a relationship with him because he is a monster, not to mention be gossiped about maliciously by others. Tohru being with him would cause others to think of her badly, for others to call her a monster...and he loves her too much to bring her down with him.

Resolution to “love heals all” trope for Kyoru:

Tohru’s way of loving Kyo, living life candidly with him, was exactly what Kyo needed (and vice versa, of course). We’ve seen Kyo reject other unhealthy forms of love: He didn’t want Kagura’s love borne of pity, and he found his mom’s blind love suffocating for both of them.

Kyo’s final character development and resolution hinges on coming to terms with a more mature understanding of how to love someone. Kyo sees himself unworthy of Tohru’s love because he fails at protecting her: he wasn’t able to find little lost Tohru, he wasn’t able to save Kyoko from the car crash, and he wasn’t there to save Tohru from a landslide. These are circumstances beyond his control, just like how Akito injuring Hatori’s eye was beyond Kana’s control. We first hear about his disappointment at failing to protect Tohru after Akito’s confrontation with Tohru at the beach house. After Akito leaves, we see that Kyo was held back from joining the confrontation by Haru, and he calls himself incompetent for being unable to protect Tohru from Akito. LIke Kana, Kyo imprisons himself into the unforgivable position that he has a duty to protect his loved one, and yet circumstances both within and without his control still occurs and hurts Tohru. He feels guiltiest for not doing more to save Kyoko, thereby feeling like he personally caused Tohru to lose her mom. Unless Kyoko comes back from the dead, Kyo has trapped himself into never being worthy of Tohru.

Fortunately for Kyo, Yuki is having none of his shit. Yuki is the one who finally literally punches through Kyo’s romantic idealism and makes Kyo realize how immature his idea of love is. Kyo wants to be Tohru’s prince in shining armor but is utterly bested by Yuki when it comes to grand heroics. Yuki is the prince archetype who finds little lost Tohru, saves Tohru from living in a tent, retrieves her belongings from a landslide, and shows up at her relatives’ to whisk her home. In Kyo’s mind, this makes Yuki more suitable and worthy of Tohru, and Yuki is the one who gets fed up with Kyo’s self-deprecating and unrealistic mindset. “Who do you think you are, a superhero? Would you only be satisfied if you could save somebody from a car crash, or save someone from a landslide? You’ve been protecting her, haven’t you? You’ve been with her daily, making her happy, isn’t that protecting her? Do you think it were the same if I were with her?” Kyo had to learn that being with someone and making them happy every day is far more significant and precious than heroics. Seemingly insignificant actions are in fact *special* things that only he can do for Tohru. Takaya-sensei’s message on healthy love is so consistently woven throughout Fruits Basket.

[swanqueeneverafter]

The Once & Future Queen Pt.20

Camelot. Valley. Continued. (Queen Annis heads toward her niece as Morgana turns with a scowl and disappears into Caerleon’s army.) Merida: "What in heaven's name have you done?" Queen Annis: "Hello, Merida. What a pleasant surprise to see you." Merida: "You cannot trust Morgana, she's-" Queen Annis: (Interrupting:) "Allowed me to do what you could not? The once mighty Arthur Pendragon lies dead at my command, not yours. I should always have been the one to claim Dun Broch's throne after Fergus' death." Merida: "I am his daughter and rightful Queen of Dun Broch." Queen Annis: (Scoffs:) "Your people are welcome to you. I have just claimed half of all Camelot in Caerleon's name. You can barely control the members of your own clan." Merida: (When Annis turns to leave:) “Don’t be taken in by Morgana’s fine words. She is consumed by bitterness, it spreads within her like a disease.” Queen Annis: “Have you forgotten how Arthur killed your father? Do you not deny that you sought revenge?” Merida: “Yes, I sought revenge. But that doesn’t mean it was the right thing to do.” Queen Annis: (Laughs with derision:) “You are weak, Merida, as I always thought you were.” (Annis walks away. Hidden in the crowd, Morgana sees Xena and Gabrielle searching for someone. Suspecting that they mean her harm, Morgana turns her attention to Darian and, her eyes glowing, uses her powers on him. Grimacing momentarily, Darian shakes his head. Looking beside him, Darian pulls his long sword from Arthur’s chest and stalks toward his new targets. Spotting Morgana before she disappears further into the crowd, Anastasia turns to see the giant about to split Xena in two with an overhead swing. Thinking quickly, Anastasia uses her powers and Darian's sword disappears mid-swing. Turning to face their attacker, both Xena and Gabrielle draw their weapons.) Gabrielle: "By the gods, he's almost as big as-" Xena: "Grinhilda, I know!" (Ducking a fist from Darian, Xena rolls out of the way. Gabrielle fearlessly jumps onto the behemoth's back but is flung to the ground for her trouble.)

(Xena runs up behind Darian and slashes him across the back. The giant falls to his knees and Gabrielle kicks him down. Xena is poised to strike when soldiers surround them, aiming their crossbows while Agravaine looks on from above. Seeing Xena and Gabrielle stand back to back before being restrained and shackled, Merida surges forward, but is held back by Anastasia.) Merida: (Struggling against her:) “Let me go! We have to help them!” Anastasia: “No! No! We can't help them now. But we can help each other!" (Anastasia waves her hand and they disappear in a cloud of smoke.)

Storybrooke. Swan-Mills House. (Returning from the station, Regina walks along the pathway to admire Emma's handiwork.) Regina: "Hey." Emma: (Turns:) "Hey. Be careful not to trip over any branches." Regina: (Smiles, looking around:) "I'm very impressed." Emma: "Thanks. It's been needing a good going over for awhile now." Regina: "Haven't we all." Emma: (Chuckles:) "You're insatiable." Regina: "Only for you." (They kiss.) Emma: "I've raked the leaves, mowed the lawn and now I'm just finishing up with the hedges." Regina: "Well don't work too hard, you can always just do all this magically." Emma: (Wipes the sweat from her brow with her arm:) "Yeah, I know, but sometimes it's nice to do things the old fashioned way, get a good sweat going." Regina: "I can see that." Emma: (Smiles:) "Don't worry, now that you’re home, I'll use my magic to clear the rest up once I'm done." Regina: "Okay, good. Is Maria sleeping?" Emma: "No, I've got her picking apples from your tree. (When Regina raises an eyebrow:) Relax. (Leans down and picks up the baby monitor:) She went down about half an hour ago." (Tosses it to Regina.) Regina: (Catching it:) "All right well I'll leave you to it. But you know... (Curling her finger into one of Emma's belt loops and pulling her close:) if this is the kind of thing I'm going to be coming home to, I think our retirement is going to be pretty sweet." Emma: "Oh, you have no idea." (They kiss once more, pulling each other close with their free hands as Emma holds the chainsaw in one and Regina cradles Maria's baby monitor in the other.) Forest. Stream. (Lancelot and Guinevere walk along the forest path beside a stream.) Lancelot: “We’re not far now. This stream leads to the lake.” Guinevere: “How did you know?” Lancelot: “I’ve been here many times.” Guinevere: “No, not about the lake. How did you know my feelings for Arthur weren’t real?” Lancelot: “Well... because he’d only been back a day and there was no way you could have possibly forgiven him for those years he kept you by his side against your will.” Guinevere: “Did you suspect, even back then?” Lancelot: “I suppose I always held out hope that you would one day leave him, but I couldn’t have imagined Arthur capable of such an evil act.” Guinevere: “Well, they do say love makes you do strange things. Despite everything that came after, I believe Arthur truly did love me in the beginning.” Lancelot: “What he did to keep you was not an act of love. It was cowardly and unforgivable. Love is about finding someone and thinking about them all the time. It’s about caring about them more than anyone or anything. The Arthur I knew was only ever concerned about his destiny. He never deserved you, Guin.” (Their conversation is cut short at the sound of a rider approaching. Morgana rides through the woods and pulls her horse to a halt at the sight of them.)

Morgana: (Smiles:) “My my. What a delicious coincidence?” Lancelot: “Run Guin! I’ll hold her off.” Morgana: “Aw. How sweet.” (Guinevere begins to run as Lancelot pulls his sword and charges at Morgana. Urging her horse into a gallop, Morgana rides straight at Lancelot. Conjuring a lance into her hand at the last moment, Morgana almost decapitates Lancelot with it, knocking him down to land hard on the forest floor, unconscious. Laughing, Morgana drops the lance and turns her attention towards Guinevere.) A Short Distance Away. (Guinevere dashes through the forest, passing a tree and inadvertently snaps one of its branches in her rush. Morgana continues her pursuit and stops to look for any signs. Spotting the snapped branch, Morgana smiles and heads off in that direction.) Storybrooke. Granny's Diner. (Snow White and Henry sit together in a booth while Henry wears a stunned expression on his face.) Henry: "You're not serious?" Snow White: "Well why not? I'd say you'd be uniquely qualified for the position." Henry: "How did you come to that conclusion?" Snow White: "Henry, you've literally written the book on everyone in this town. Plus, growing up with Regina, you must have sat in on your fair share of Town Hall meetings?" Henry: "Yeah and I was bored out of my mind through all of them. I'm sorry, Grandma, but I'm not the guy you want to run as mayor." (Henry stands.) Snow White: "Promise me you'll at least think about it. It would mean working shorter hours and a heck of a lot less time spent in your car." Henry: "Hey, the taxi service might be a dead end job but at least it has the possibility of excitement. Listening to people complain all day and then going blind doing paperwork is about as far from where I wanna be as I can think of." Snow White: (Slides out of the booth:) "All right, so where do you want to be?" Henry: "I don't know... off on an adventure with my fiancee somewhere. As a matter of fact, I'm only back driving because Ella and I couldn't decide on where we should start looking for one."

Merlin: "I might be able to point you in the right direction." (Snow White and Henry both turn to look at the Sorcerer who sits alone at a table.) Henry: "You know where Ella and I can find ourselves an adventure?" Merlin: "Yes. I believe I know just the place." Henry: "That's great. Where is it?" Merlin: "Ah. Before I tell you, you must first do something for me." Henry: (Looks to Snow White who is unsure about this:) "All right, what is it?" Merlin: "You must promise me that you won't tell your mothers I had anything to do with aiding you on your quest." Henry: (Smiles:) "Deal." Swan-Mills House. (Regina checks in on Maria who's still sleeping soundly, laying on her back with her arms up over her head. Smiling, Regina wonders just what her child could be dreaming about. Although not prone to crying like her big brother was at this age, Maria would nevertheless refuse to sleep alone during Emma's prolonged absence. Indeed, Regina would often find herself watching Maria drift off on those sleepless nights they shared a bed. The fact that on the night of Emma's return, Maria resumed sleeping in her cot without fussing once, only helped confirm Regina's theory that her daughter didn't much like the idea of her mother spending her nights alone. Backing out of the room, Regina leaves the door ajar and heads towards the staircase. Stopping at the large window that overlooks the garden, Regina notices that Emma is still hard at work. Captivated at the sight of the muscles in her wife's arms flexing, accentuated by the perspiration glistening in the sunlight, Regina sinks down onto the window seat to continue watching the show.)

Forest. Continued. (Guinevere runs at full speed now as Morgana gallops through the woods. Guinevere falls, but gets up quickly and keeps going only for Morgana to catch up and cut her off.) Morgana: “Guin. Nice to see you again. Oh, you’ve forgotten. I’ve hunted these woods since I was a child.” Guinevere: “Morgana, please, we were friends once, were we not?” Morgana: “You misunderstand me. I only wish to help. The path to Camelot is that way.” (Morgana points.) Guinevere: “It’s you who has forgotten it seems. I know these woods, too.” Forest Road. Past. (Morgana and Guinevere ride through the woods with an escort.) Morgana: “You look troubled, Guin.” Gunivere: “I’m fine.” Morgana: “You’re very secretive these days. I’m beginning to think there’s a man involved.” Guinevere: (Scoffs:) “When do I get to meet any decent men?” (Suddenly, their party is attacked.) Sir Robert: “My ladies, you must follow me!” (The knight is shot in the back. Guin and Morgana are pulled off their horses. A knight kills the men holding them.) Morgana: “Guin! Head for the path! Go! (Guinevere and Morgana run up the hill, but Kendrick is waiting for them:) I warn you. I am the daughter of Uther Pendragon. He’ll have your heads if any harm comes to me.” Kendrick: “I have no intention of harming you. At least not yet. You’re much more valuable to me alive, Lady Morgana.” Bandit’s Camp. (Morgana and Guinevere observe the bandits from inside a tent.) Morgana: “He’s coming. You know what you must do?” (Guinevere nods.) Kendrick: “I trust you are comfortable?” Morgana: “I demand to know where you’re taking us.” Kendrick: “You’ll find out soon enough. We’ve a long journey ahead of us. Get some rest.” (Kendrick turns to leave, but Morgana walks out of the tent after him.) Morgana: “I wish to bathe.” Kendrick: “You wish to bathe?” Morgana: “I am the King’s daughter and accustomed to certain standards. I am sure you are quite contented to stink like a pig, but I am not.” Kendrick: (Speaks loudly so his men can hear:) “The Lady Morgana wishes to bathe! Who wants to help me guard her?” (Coarse laughter rises from the men.) A Short Time Later. (Morgana begins to undress by a stream, two men guarding her and Guinevere.) Kendrick: “You may find the water a little icy.” Morgana: “I’m sure I’ll manage. (Glances over to see one of the men holding on to Guinevere’s arm. To Kendrick:) If you were any kind of gentleman, you’d give me some privacy.” Kendrick: “Well, unfortunately for you I am no kind of gentleman. Now get on with it.” (Kendrick chuckles and moves closer to her. Morgana removes her outer garment and the second bandit lets go of Guinevere to get a closer look himself.) Morgana: “You can at least turn your backs.” Kendrick: “So you can make a run for it. Do you think I’m that stupid?” Morgana: “I think you’re very stupid. (Guinevere pulls Kendrick’s sword and Morgana hits him, Guinevere tosses her the sword and Morgana slashes both men. To Guinevere:) Run! (The men pursue them through the woods:) No, no, this way!” (Guinevere stumbles and twists her ankle, Morgana stops and goes back to her.) Guinevere: “Run!” Morgana: “Put your arm around my shoulder, come on!” Guinevere: “No, no, no. We’ll never outrun them, you must go on without me!” Morgana: “I’m not leaving you behind!” Forest. Present. (Morgana smiles at the memory.) Morgana: “I remember very well. Truth is, it doesn’t matter which way you go. As long as you’re around, the people will always love you more.” Guinevere: “Morgana, please...” Morgana: “I can’t say I blame them really. You are far too delicate a soul to be mixed up in all this, Guin. I think it’s time to take you off the chessboard and release you from your burdens. (Not sticking around to find out what Morgana means by that, Guinevere starts running. Morgana’s eyes glow and Guinevere screams as she is thrown against a tree. Guinevere falls to the ground, unconscious. Moving her horse to stand over Guinevere:) Nu bebiede ic þe þæt þu lætest þine flæsc sclice gelic nysse. Wyrþ deor!” (Morgana’s eyes glow and a golden shimmer glows over Guinevere’s body. Morgana leaves with a smirk.)

Storybrooke. Swan-Mills House. (Pleased at a job well done, Emma waves her arms in all directions, magically sending all the garden debris into the recycling bin. Brushing her hands together, Emma starts whistling a familiar tune while she gathers up her gardening tools. Her arms now fully laden, Emma turns around to walk back up the path when she catches sight of a vision sitting in the upstairs window. Emitting a long appreciative whistle, Emma drops the tools noisily to the ground as she stares up at Regina, who is clad only in her underwear where any passerby could see her.) Window. (Smiling at Emma's reaction, Regina crooks her finger at her, indicating that she should come inside.) Outside. (Smiling at her wife's brazenness and not needing to be invited twice, Emma walks towards the house.) Forest. (Merida walks several paces ahead of Anastasia, clearly agitated.) Anastasia: (Stops walking:) "So you're pissed at me, is that it?" Merida: (Rounding on her:) "I am furious at you. How could we just leave them there?!" Anastasia: "If we had stayed, we'd be prisoners too." Merida: "Not necessarily. We could have fought. You could've used your magic to-" Anastasia: "To what? Blast the soldiers out of our way?" Merida: "Well it would've been something!" Anastasia: "I understand full well that you only invited me into this little gang of yours because I have magic. But if I used it as callously as you think I should, wouldn't that make me just as bad as Morgana? (Merida says nothing:) You know I'm right." Merida: "Yeah, but I don't have to like it." Anastasia: (Smiles:) "Come on, it'll be getting dark soon and I'm starving. What say you catch and I cook?" Merida: (Softening:) "I wouldn't hold your breath, there doesn't look to be any signs of life out here." Anastasia: "Well, I could always give you a five minute head start, Merida." Merida: "Funny." Anastasia: (Spots movement in the bushes:) "Deer!" (They chase after a doe running through the woods. Splitting up, Anastasia slows to a walk while Merida carries on ahead. She spots the doe and it looks at her. Anastasia senses something and hears Guinevere’s weeping. Anastasia realises what’s happened when she sees Guinevere’s running reflection as the doe passes by a small puddle. Merida arrives and passes Anastasia before taking aim.) Merida: “Well aren’t you a beauty?” (Coming to her senses too slowly to react, Anastasia watches in horror as Merida fires.) Anastasia: “No!”

[cindyburman]

What?Ppl love Cindy! Not just in evil fun way but lots of commentary about her traumatic upbringing and how she deserved better. In fact there‘ve been more cool motive still murder type comments re: Henry. With the last ep opinions have swayed, but it’s reasonable? He participated in shitty, misogynistic fuckery. does that invalidate the whole rest of his life? Is the point not to allow ppl opportunities to grow and rectify past mistakes?It sure seemed like the argument the show was making. Idk?

sorry that this took me so long to answer i forgot 😔 anyways where are you seeing people defend her??? i’ve seen a lot more ‘cindy is a coldhearted remorseless bitch and i hope she dies’ comments (which just. isn’t true bc we’ve SEEN her show remorse before over pushing courtney away and abt accidentally killing her mother?? and that’s just what’s been onscreen, we don’t KNOW if she feels remorse over sending out yolanda’s nudes bc they haven’t SHOWN us any more than that but i think it’s fair to say that she clearly has feelings of some sort abt all of the bad decisions she’s made and she knows that they’re bad. anyways) than positive ones abt her, esp on other platforms. tumblr’s a little bit better abt not immediately writing her off but on certain social medias i haven’t seen ANY positive cindy commentary whereas it’s an absolute guarantee that you’ll see henry apologists (even before he was redeemed!!!) everywhere you go. 

the thing that a lot of people in the fandom seem not to understand abt the henry/cindy thing is that yes, they could’ve ended up in each other’s place very easily and henry almost went down the exact path that cindy did, but henry didn’t turn out differently bc he was a better person than cindy or something. he joined the jsa and sacrificed himself bc he had POSITIVE/anti-isa outside influences (courtney, his dad when it came to his mom’s death/hating jordan) when he first learned abt the jsa/isa and was offered the opportunity to join the jsa almost as soon as he developed his powers. whereas cindy has always had nothing but NEGATIVE/pro-isa influences (her dad, mainly) when she first learned abt the isa/jsa and for years afterward and was NEVER offered any opportunity to join the jsa or switch sides. imagine how isolating it would be to have powers and not only does that cause you to inadvertently kill your mom, the only person who knows abt your powers is your creepy half-lizard dad who isolates you and blames you for your mom’s death even though he’s the one that gave a third-grader superpowers. and i’m not trying to justify cindy’s actions, i’m just saying that she’s not the cut-and-dry emotionless unredeemable villain a lot of people seem to think she is. anyways maybe i’ll fuck around and say that cindy could’ve been everything henry was and more if she had the same opportunities that he had bc they’re far more similar in motivation than ppl think.

and i don’t (completely) hate henry. i agree that his last eps rounded him out more and showed that he could be better. sure, he grew and developed a little, but we have to remember that this whole thing played out over a couple of days in canon and everyone was just expected to forgive him. the problem isn’t that henry’s being allowed to change and attempt to atone for his past mistakes, but that yolanda doesn’t HAVE the opportunity to forget abt the situation bc what henry and cindy did to her will follow her around forever. i’m sure it’s all good and nice for yolanda to finally get a confirmation that henry isn’t a complete piece of shit, but that doesn’t CHANGE anything for her bc while henry gets to be remembered as a flawed hero she’s stuck in a school and a family that blames her for HIS mistakes. plus, the way that he died (sacrificing himself to save them) makes it hard for her to even justify hating him to herself (even though she is ABSOLUTELY justified in not forgiving him, nostalgia is a liar and very few people want to speak ill of the dead, especially those so recently deceased) and so in a way she’s FORCED into either forgiving him or pretending that she has. bc really, if her (ex) best friend was willing to side w him and trust him and let him onto the team before he died for them, yolanda probably doubts that courtney or the others would react well or agree w her if she told them that she still hated him after his sacrifice. 

in truth, most of my negative feelings abt henry stem from how many more opportunities he gets to redeem himself and change his story in canon than characters who actually deserve it (yolanda) and how the fandom treats him like he’s some perfect angel who’s SO much better than cindy and if he had survived, yolanda should have still forgiven him and then gotten back together w him. anyways there’s my take on this whole situation.

[falllpoutboy]

fuck it. rey organa solo

or how this scene in the rise of skywalker should’ve went. 

Her training was vigorous and longer than she would’ve liked, but it kept Rey focussed and balanced and she knew deep down that it was necessary. When the battle droids stopped firing, only then was Rey able to slow down into a light jog and then stop altogether. She turned off Luke’s newly fixed lightsaber and turned back into the clearing where General Leia was waiting.

The tropical jungle planet of Ajan Kloss was the Resistants new base, and while it had been a year since they had landed there shortly after the massacre on Crait, Rey still found herself marvelling the beautiful scenery around her. Thoughts about Crait and what happened there began to creep back into her mind, and Rey’s mood soured instantly. She kept replaying it in her head and going over each situation in her head, trying to think about what she could’ve differently. If I hadn’t wasted time with Kylo, I could’ve saved more. I could’ve helped The Resistance. I could’ve saved Luke…

However, deep in her distressing thoughts, she didn’t even realize she had made it back to the clearing. She nearly walked right into the General!

“Whoa, hold on Rey, are you alright?” Leia asked and jolsted Rey out of her trance. Knowing that she should be mindful of her thoughts, Rey shook her head and reassured her. But Leia knew better.

“You’re thinking about it again, aren’t you? Crait. Luke. Kylo…” Leia correctly guessed and Rey knew it was because of her force sensitivity and their bond with each other. When Rey started with Leia, their Force bond was immediately strong and it grew with every session, trial and lesson. Like her bond with Finn, it was ever-present and calming, non-pervasive and genuine, so unlike her unnatural bond with Kylo.

“Yes… I am,” Rey admitted. “How can I not think about it?” 

“It makes you feel low.” Leia surmised again and Rey nods.

“More than just feeling low, but like a failure,” Rey confesses and Kylo’s nasty remarks come to her mind again. You come from nothing, you’re nothing….

“Oh Rey…”Leia sighs and guides her to sit down. “I know that feeling all too well. When the Empire destroyed Alderaan for my lie, I couldn’t help but think of all the ways it could’ve happened. Millions of my people’s lives would have been spared  if I had done something different. Eventually, after my grief passed, I could only come to the conclusion that they were going to use Alderaan as a demonstration of the first Death Star’s might to the rest of the galaxy, no matter what I could’ve said or done. What matters is what we do afterwards to make it was all worth it, to do better and learn from our mistakes and to keep pushing forward,” Leia affirms and she stares into the distance. “It’s a lesson I’ve learned and still am learning today…”

For a few moments, Rey quietly absorbs the General’s words and wisdom. It comforts her but there was still something she’ll never get over…

“There’s still something bothering you?” Leia inquires and Rey slowly nods.

“Before I joined you all on Crait, you know how I went to confront Kylo on Snoke’s ship,” Rey recounted and Leia nods quickly. “When he rejected my help to turn him, he also made an offer in turn for me to join the First Order and become his apprentice to the dark side. He said that I come from nothing, and that I am nothing.... But not to him,” Rey finished bitterly. Suddenly, Leia’s grip on her hand tightened  and her expression hardened as turned to face Rey.

“Kylo lied to you, Rey. You’re not nothing and you don’t come from nothing.”

“Yes, and he said my parents sold me off for drinking money and that they were nothing.”

“He lied again. I have something very important I’ve been wanting to tell you for some time now, I thought I’d never had the time to, with how busy we’ve been, but truthfully, I’ve been putting it off. I thought if I told you after the war was over you’d understand but its pastime you’d know now. Ben is not Han and I’s only child. We wanted to wait a bit until we had another but then, a bit turned out to be almost 10 years. A daughter was born to us and we named her after my mother, Breha Organa’s mother, Aureyla. But we all called you “Rey” for short. I knew Ben was being corrupted from the darkside since before he was born and when you were only two years old, he had inadvertently hurt you with his abilities. So Han, Luke and I decided to take precautions and enrolled him full time as Luke’s padawan in his new Jedi academy and we hid you away, on Lah’mu, away from the dark influence preying on both of Anakin Skywalker’s descendants. We placed you under the care of the locals and we visited you ever moon cycle, sometimes twice. But we were wrong to have thought you’re identity would stay undiscovered. I guess the Lah-mui saw the famed Rebellion generals Han Solo and Leia Organa too frequently visiting the little girl and put together the pieces,” Leia’s voice breaks and a tear slips down her cheek, but she continues. “When you were just one moon shy of six years old, a few drunk locals took you from your caregivers to Jakku and sold you for drinking money. Greed can be as dangerous of a vice as the dark side is.”

Rey could hardly believe what she was hearing. She wouldn’t have believed what was she heard if it was said by just anybody, having been trained to recognize deceit through the Force, but Rey senses through her bond with Leia that every word she said was true. Every cell within her pulsed and sang with the new revelation, the truth. Finally, finally.

“I… so you’re my…. My mum,” Rey stammered out and General Leia, her kriffing mum, shyly smiles and nods. “If you’re my mum… then Ben is….”

“Your older brother, yes.”

“And Han was my… is my…” Just saying Han’s name made Rey’s heart clench and tears spring to her eyes. The image of his death still burned in her mind and knowing that it was her brother killed their father pushed the tears out. “Did he even recognize me a year ago?”

“He did and when you were taken, we planned to tell you as soon as you were rescued. As the years passed and we still couldn’t find you, Han lost hope the most although I tried reassured him that I knew you were still alive due to our force bond. Your disappearance coupled with Ben succumbing to the darkside and Luke’s exile painfully pushed him back into smuggling and we separated. Please understand that I never game up hope for you, but the First Order rose so quickly and Luke’s disappearance also made it so much more difficult for me to find you. For fourteen years, not a day went by without me thinking about you, Rey.” At that, they both stood up and met in the middle for a bone-crushing hug.

It could’ve been minutes, hours or a few days but time didn’t matter to Rey now, not when she was wrapped in the warm embrace of her mother. Their force bond was so palpable and enrapturing, it filled them with such a feeling of content and happiness, so much that Rey never wished for it to end. Then something dawned on her.

“Wait,” she sniffled, still slightly crying. “You and Han being my parents must mean that Luke is my…”

“Uncle.” A voice Rey never thought she’d hear again sounded from behind her and she gasped when she turned around. It was Luke, but not quite Luke. He wore the Jedi robes she last saw him in but his visage was tinged with an outwardly blue glow and he was nearly transparent. This was the corporeal Force spirit one could project after they’ve died, Rey knew from reading the Jedi texts she took from Ahch-to. 

“So you recognized me too, huh?” Rey questioned, curious to know why he lied to her as well.

“I knew…. But I didn’t care,” Luke admitted, almost shamefully. “I couldn’t make myself care. Then, I asked who you are to see if you even knew but you didn’t, so I didn’t care. I’m sorry I died without having properly greeted my niece and for not treating her with the respect she deserves. And for not being the teacher I should’ve been.”

His sincere apology touched Rey deeply and she smiled at her uncle. She knew now the reason for his indifference and could not hold it against him now. “I forgive you. And I’m sorry for attacking you that night.”

“All is forgiven,” Luke reassured her and he smiled gratefully. “I know this is all coming as a shock to you, I thought my parents were nobodies too until I got a rude awakening.”

“Luke, you can’t hold that against me forever,” another voice chimed in and Rey and Leia whirled around to see what it was. Another force spirit had appeared, a man older than Rey but younger than Luke and Leia, dressed in Jedi robes with shoulder length hair and bore a strong resemblance to Luke and Leia, even herself. 

“Father,” Luke greeted warmly and walked around to him.

“Anakin,” Leia acknowledged him but stayed close to Rey. Father… Anakin… Skywalker. My grandfather.

“All of our family’s problems seems to just repeat themselves,” Luke mused and then remembered himself. “Father, this is Aureyla, Leia and Han’s daughter. She wields our lightsaber now.”

Rey didn’t think she’d be making introductions to the notorious Darth Vader when she woke up earlier, but here she was. A lame “Hi” was all she could manage to say.

“From what Luke has told me, you’re strong in the ways of the Force. As strong or even stronger than me. Rey, you could be the one to bring balance once and for all and destroy the Sith foever. But you will be tempted and tested,” Anakin firmly stated. “Don’t fall victim to the dark side as your brother did, try to overcome it with everything you have.”

“A thousand generations live in you now…. But this is your fight,” Luke adds. However, Rey still has one more inquiry to make.

“What about Ben? I know he’s been seduced to the dark-side and has chosen it over and over, but what if there’s still a chance he could be saved,” Rey asks and her relatives look uncertain. “I don’t know if I can kill my brother knowing there’s a chance he could change.”

An uneasy silence falls over then and then Anakin speaks up. “You’ll do what feels right. Your instincts and feelings will guide you towards the answer. You can make your choice to save him, whilst Kylo can choose to continue his path and ignore any other options. You’ll know what to do then.”

The unspoken words were there, plain as day: If he won’t make the choice to join you and save himself, kill him or let him die. It left a bad taste in her mouth but Rey knew she would have to make the hard decision herself when the time again. Her father’s death flashes before her eyes again and Rey knew Kylo would have at least that to answer for. She nods grimly.

“I wish we all could’ve been a family together, Rey laments and Anakin’s eyes soften. “There’s so much I want to know about you all.”

“We’ll be with you Rey. Soon, after this is over, we’ll appear to you and we’ll talk about whatever you’d like,” Luke consoles her.

“May the Force be with you,” Anakin proclaims and they suddenly depart with a soft fade. Taking their advice and wisdom to heart and mind, Rey looks to her mother with resolve. 

“Let’s go Mum, we’ve got a war to win.”

[blkholeinfinity]

God in Good Omens: Why Her Plan is Ineffable Headcanon

I’m a polytheist so my view on gods/goddesses/deities give me a... different view on Good Omens’ God than those who grew up in Christianity and/or Judaism have (probably)? I try to reconcile it with what little I DO know of the Old and New Testaments, but God in the Good Omens miniseries in particular is a fascinating character to me.

So, time for some Good Omens God headcanon!

Disclaimer: I am unlearned in Christianity and Judaism beyond what pop culture has taught me, and what was forced at me from living in the United States. I’m not trying to offend anyone with this headcanon; I simply see the Good Omens God in the same light I see the gods and goddesses and deities of the religion(s) I follow. I am willing to learn more, but I am also unwilling to go out of my way to learn it because of how much Christianity is forced down my throat on a daily basis (‘Murica). So feel free to comment/reblog to point out inaccuracies or specific things from the mythos to support either your stance or mine, but please understand the knowledge base and personal experience I come from. If I say anything inadvertently offensive, please help me learn by pointing out what I said and why it was problematic and I promise to do better next time. As long as you’re not rude, I won’t be mad.

Tl;dr - I welcome criticism on my headcanon, but please be patient and kind with me about it and I promise I will return the favor. ❤️

This mini-essay is going to be focused on the miniseries as God is more of a character in the show vs. the book.

To start, God has an interesting character development through human history — both in real life and in Good Omens. She started off as an easily angered, violent, and vengeful deity: Satan/Lucifer and the demons rebelled (to varying degrees) and she cast them down; Adam and Eve gave into temptation and she threw them out of Eden; the whole Noah’s Ark thing; and many other (Old Testament, iirc?) examples, I’m sure. But then she chilled out, it looks like, around the time of Jesus and probably because of Jesus.

I think this was when her Armageddon Plan changed. Originally, it was absolutely going to be a war against Heaven and Hell like everyone thought. Then, she decided to make it personal against Satan instead (because she decided he was who she was really mad at, and all of her other grievances stem from his initial rebellion - for better and for worse, but she’s still salty) and started moving the pieces into place to ensure that the Antichrist would rebel against him at the crucial moment.

He needed to feel how she felt when he rebelled, was her reasoning. Because God can be petty. Just because Jesus forgave his enemies didn’t mean she needed to.

Over time, she also grew to love humanity for all our stupidity, goodness, and yes, wickedness, much in the same way as Aziraphale and Crowley albeit as a distant observer. I’ve heard Christians say that she made humans in her image, and she probably started to see that - that all of their flaws are her flaws. And maybe even started to see humans as being even better than herself. 

Then she looked at her own angels and realized that they (all but one) were dicks. And at the demons and saw that they (all but one) were also dicks but she was less surprised and disappointed about that.

So before, when she decided not to clue in anyone, not even the Metatron, to her change in plans, it was for the sake of making sure no one interfered with the Antichrist. Once she realized that all the angels and demons were assholes, she decided that they deserved a good trolling, too.

(Okay, maybe she let ONE person know her new plans: one Agnes Nutter. Because God wanted to be mostly hands-off in the affairs of humanity, because she kind of felt bad that when she did get hands on, it was only to punish them, and she was always ruthless in her punishments. She didn’t really trust herself — but also she wanted to test the humans one more time to see if they were really worthy of being saved. More on that in a bit.)

But the centuries are long and she got bored. So the plan was in part a lesson to be taught to all the immortals, in part for the lulz. (Because in my head, God is a trickster. Sort of like a mix of Odin and Loki from Norse mythology. And iirc, there is historical evidence that when Christianity came to the Nordic countries, Odin was kind of rolled into the Christian God in order to more easily convert the masses?)

Which brings us to our favorite angel and demon: Aziraphale and Crowley.

I have a few different mindsets as to why she didn’t punish Aziraphale for giving away the flaming sword. A part of me feels like she might have been particularly fond of him in that “aw look at my cute puppy, I can’t stay mad at that face” sort of way (because, I mean, look at that face). Another part of me feels that she was too exhausted from her anger at Adam and Eve, at Satan and the demons, to care anymore, like “ugh I can’t deal with this right now whatever” and then just never got around to it. I have other thoughts, too, that he was following her Ineffable Plan, but that doesn’t fit with the theory I’m presenting here... or maybe it does? That maybe she felt bad for Adam and Eve, hindsight is 20/20, and she was like, “Well, okay, I don’t feel so guilty anymore. Good job, angel. Not that I’m ever going to admit that to you.”

But outside of that, I don’t think she was paying too much attention to what Aziraphale and Crowley were doing on Earth until after Jesus, and with her now more benevolent attitude towards humans (again see: because of Jesus), she appreciated them a whole lot more and started to work her into the New and Improved Armageddon Plan.

Which is why she didn’t mind that they were, as Aziraphale infuriatingly put it, “fraternizing.” She saw in them a new potential - for humans, for Heaven and Hell, and for herself. And that’s why she let them have Agnes’s prophecy on what they needed to do to survive their respective punishments from the other angels and demons. And also yes because she still wanted to troll the angels and demons because they deserve to be trolled.

(And yes, I do prescribe to the headcanon that God ships it, too, and set the events of Armageddon into motion because she was sick of the slow burn mutual pining of these idiots like the rest of us. But for her, that was more the cherry on top than the true goal. To incorporate the two headcanons, the timing corresponds with “you go too fast for me” because I imagine shortly thereafter was when the American Air Force base near Tadfield was established, so she began moving the chess pieces from that point forward because FFS AZIRAPHALE ARE YOU KIDDING HER. Maybe Armageddon came a little earlier than originally planned, or maybe the timing was Just Right and therefore coincidental, I can get behind both.)

So, for the next Armageddon when it’s all of Heaven and Hell against all of humanity, she’s counting on Aziraphale and Crowley to fight on behalf of humanity. And also that’s why Aziraphale never became a fallen angel and never will become one; unfortunately, Crowley has to remain Fallen, because forgiving him in an official capacity isn’t in the cards for what she’s planning next... right now, anyway.

Because I think the real reason the Ineffable Plan is ineffable is because God keeps changing her mind and therefore the plan. So yeah, this is her plan right now, but give it a century or two. It might change again. And maybe that’s when Crowley would be forgiven in the official capacity because it’s necessary for God’s plan. Or something else entirely, who knows. That’s for fanfic writers to speculate.

But I mentioned about how Armageddon was also to test humanity. And that’s all tied up in Adam the Antichrist.

She wanted him to go to the wrong family. Send him to the most boring, normal family and ensure that he would receive no interference from Heaven or Hell and just... see how he turns out. If he became the prophesied Antichrist, humanity fails, time to start over. If he turned into a normal kid, “Human Incarnate,” then humanity passes. And needless to say, humanity passed the test, because without even knowing what they were doing, they transformed the embodiment of evil into the embodiment of a human child. And that’s what God wanted to see.

That and the Antichrist screaming at Satan, “YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD.”

Which, again, was God’s real goal with Armageddon anyway. It was always about getting back at Satan. And now she has. Everything else was a happy bonus.

But there was more to it than that. See: Agnes Nutter and her descendants, and why they were the only ones entrusted with the real Armageddon plan. Now, this makes my headcanon shaky - because if God knew that things were going to go down exactly the way that they did, even for things having little to nothing to do with Armageddon, why even bother testing anything at all? I mean, it does go back to the whole, she’s testing humanity via Adam and Adam was the one Unknown. (Which means that Agnes’ second prophecy book was always meant to be burned, but that’s a whole other theory.)

It could also be that she was going to make sure everything happened exactly the way that they did. If her plan was written out in full in Agnes’s book, maybe it was a checklist of things she intended to happen, and certain things would be left up to interpretation. After all, some prophecies were very specific (these were the ones she was absolutely sure she was going to make sure came true), and others were less so (these were the ones more up to interpretation). Which then begs the question: how much of how things went down did God actually intend? Is she just clever enough to have planned everything to the last detail? Or did she encourage things along a certain way to make sure that they happened exactly according to her plan? (For example, moving the pieces into place so that Shadwell would see Aziraphale talking to the Metatron to be sure that the prophecy “Three shall ride as two” came true.)

Who knows? It’s ineffable, after all.

And Anathema was always meant to lose the book, and Aziraphale was always meant to find it, because this was the exact moment God wanted Aziraphale and Crowley to actually become involved in the Plan. Now that the Antichrist is... well, not all grown up, but at the apparent proper age for Antichristing, now Aziraphale and Crowley can start “interfering” with the Plan. Because they can’t hurt anything anymore. Yeah, they were about to kill Adam, but that was also part of the test for humanity, I think: would Madame Tracy stop them from doing it? And she did.

As for why Agnes’s prophecy forced Anathema and Newt together, idk, I’m going with God was bored and trolling. But honestly, getting into the specifics of plot points wrt God’s Plan is beyond the scope of this essay. Maybe I’ll give my thoughts on it later. Maybe if you actually made it to the end of this essay you’ll give your thoughts?

Seriously though, if you made it to the end of this mini-essay, you win a few dozen gold stars. And thank you so much for sticking with me if you did.

Tl;dr - I think God’s plan is ineffable because she keeps changing her mind about what she wants to do, and she just... fits her new agenda in with the old somehow so she can act like she “planned it like this all along.” And she’s trolling everyone. And testing humanity. And really is fond of Aziraphale and Crowley.

[autistic-science-cryptid]

Comment Exchange about a Manipulative Autism Mom

As I promised, here is the comment exchange, which I did on the Patheos blog Roll to Disbelieve, which discusses the behavior of a particularly manipulative Autism Mom™. To sum up: The owner of that blog, Captain Cassidy, once worked in a call center, and the Autism Mom™ in this case grabbed up the fanciest TV package she could find, one she could not afford, and played the autism card (complete with the whole array of humiliating details that so any Autism Parents show without the child’s consent) to get her bills forgiven indefinitely so she could basically et these services for free. I responded talking about how this is a well-known phenomenon within the autistic community, one we really do not like, and she and I ended up in an exchange talking about how this behavior affects the kids and how annoyingly manipulative it is. This is what led me to the conclusion that this type of manipulation, while it may not be always against companies, may be driving a lot of the vocal refusal to accept the sort of advice we have to give. After all, they want to hear a pat answer that makes their child convenient - they don’t want to hear that they may need to try multiple things, accept messy parts of life, and various other things we suggest that are likely to work, but are not something you can just implement and forget.

Exchange under the cut - note that a few other people on that blog, allistic people, do agree with the sentiment that people who claim autism as their identity when they themselves are not autistic, while simultaneously denying this identity to actually autistic people, is really a disgusting thing to do. All users except Captain Cassidy and me are designated with initials:

Captain Cassidy (blog mod, also calls herself Wielder of the Banhammer) Perpetual victims tend to leave nothing to chance when it comes to fucking up their lives. It's just amazing how they manage to cover every single potential base with epic failure so that there's only one possible avenue of help--which is guaranteed to be someone who'll be hugely put out by rescuing them. It's like watching the human version of a slow-motion train wreck. Then when nobody leaps forward to save them from their own poor choices, they'll whine that "so-and-so doesn't want to work with me." Yeah, been there and done that with call center work. You could always immediately tell who those people were: they'd have tons of little credits and line-item deletions on their accounts, a balance that hadn't been current since their account started (and a fairly recent activation date at that), a constant wave of promotions and specials they probably shouldn't have gotten, and--the tip-off--a pattern of forgiven late fees, disconnection fees, and bounced check fees, each noted with some new disaster the customer had suffered that had prevented them from paying their bill on time and in full that month. They always had some ideal solution in mind, and it seemed like they would refuse every option and possibility we offered if it wasn't that solution in their head. Usually the solution involved total absolution of all fees and balances, but barring that they'd happily take a very large discretionary credit "for being such good customers" and as "compensation" for the hassle caused to them by the disconnection or whatever. If a frontline agent refused to "work with them" that time, they'd escalate as high as they could to try to get their bill credited. I was one of the people in that escalation chain, but had the good fortune to be working for a company that was cracking down HARD on those kinds of credits so I could refuse knowing upper management wouldn't give in either. These idiots would ride the carousel as long as a company would let them, then fuck off and go right along to the next provider of that service. I remember telling one that sooner or later they'd go through all the providers in their rural area and it might be a good idea to talk to someone about learning how to budget and all that because she'd hit the limit on what we could do to save her from herself. It didn't go over well with her. (She had an autistic son, she said, and she'd gotten that company's largest entertainment package on a new customer promotion about 18 months previously. The son had gotten used to watching a channel that only came with that package and would, she assured us, beat his head against a wall until he landed in the hospital if he couldn't have that channel on all the time. She hadn't actually paid a bill at all in about 16 months and now owed the company somewhere around $2000. Normally that was an impossible balance to accrue, but we'd inadvertently taught her a very dirty trick we could do in cases of extreme need: When she got disconnected every month, she'd call up and pity-party someone into taking pity on her and reactivating it, even if that meant re-aging her account to get it back online, with the assurance--never fulfilled--that she'd totally pay in full "soon." The company's fraud team had flagged her account and made it impossible for ANYBODY not on their team to reactivate her without payment in full plus three months in advance. She was used to escalating a few times, since only people at a fairly high level could re-age accounts. I was one of them, but I sure wasn't gonna do it for her. Re-aging meant to take her full balance, credit that amount to the account to bring it current, then charge it all back again. In effect, she would still owe the full balance, but now it showed as a current balance instead of a past due one. This is a TERRIBLE thing to do and it completely freaks out fraud investigators. So she escalated on me, and I sent her to a manager, who "wouldn't work with her" either, and then she landed in the fraud team's queue and I didn't hear anything past that. I didn't believe her excuse story, but it hardly mattered if I did or didn't; the only solution at that point was for her to pay what was being demanded, and that wasn't the solution she wanted to hear.)

Me You know, that woman who claimed she had an autistic son? I wouldn't be shocked if she was one of those parents that the autistic community HATES. The ones who are always pity-partying their kid's autism, talking about how their kids DESERVE an autism cure (which most autistics, including me, don't want), acting as if autism is doom-and-gloom all the time, often supporting the crap "charity" Autism Speaks, which repeats those same pity lines, videoing their child's meltdowns and posting them on the internet without their consent along with giving graphic details of hygiene and bathroom habits of their kids, also without the child's consent (including feces-smearing, which is something an autistic person I know did as a baby and grew out of, and they transitioned to making mud pies by the creek as a kid), and calling themselves "autism parents" while telling us autistic people "no, no, sweetie, you are a person with autism". Ugh, there's a lot of nerve in that last one, taking our identity for themselves while expecting us to separate ourselves from it. And then it seems possible that one of these so-called "autism parents" (who inevitably are never autistic themselves, because autistic people who are parents call themselves "autistic parents") has the gall to scam your company, to boot. 

 S 
I just think it's obnoxious they make it all about them. 

C 
"Autism parent" sounds awful. It's like she thinks she's mothering the autism itself, rather than her kid.





Captain Cassidy, Wielder of the Banhammer  
Oh yeah, that was completely this awful lady. That's exactly what she talked like. She presented herself as one step holier than the Virgin Mary and it just outraged her that my company wasn't just donating services to her because SHE was an AUTISM MOM and didn't we KNOW what she was GOING through every day... And yes, I got treated to some astonishing personal details about her son that seemed engineered to evoke the most pity and disgust in listeners. I almost told her hey gal, I've been emotionally manipulated by the best. And you ain't anywhere close to that level.




Me 
I wish more people responded to "autism mom" laments the way you do. That type of manipulation allows parents to get away with literal murder of their autistic offspring, such that if you google "parent kills kid who has autism" or something, practically every article talking about such a murder has comments sections full of people saying things about how you'd understand why those poor parents would want to murder their autistic kid if you were in their shoes, and how the lack of services makes them worry so much they had to kill their kid.
 No, I'm sorry, lack of services means that you should be willing to advocate for those services, not use that an excuse to treat your kid like a rabid beast who has to be put down. And besides, if you autism parents can pull heartstrings the way so many of you do engendering sympathy for murder and waltzing right into communities of actual autistic people to shit on them and silence them, I'm sure you can use those emotional manipulation skills to aid you in advocacy work.
(Not you personally, I mean those shitheads who do things ranging from what that mom did to you all the way up to actual murder).
You even get things like the parents in this article (http://autistext.com/2017/03/04/autpocalypse-then-autpocalypse-now/ ) talking about how if their son's autism didn't go away, they might have to kill him, at which point the son's autism went away and the parents blamed the autism on a "cerebral milk allergy" which, as we all know here, is a bullshit disease and that of course if you discuss the possibility of killing a kid for being visibly autistic, that kid is likely to hide his autistic behaviors because his life depends on it. Duh. But of course, a little thing like reality isn't going to stop them from selling alternative medicine to treat something that, in actuality, was visibly and abusively "treated" by putting the kid in fear for his life.
And it is clear from the quotes of those parents in that article that those are not the words of parents at their wit's end (which, of course, is the impression "autism parents" who murder their kids often successfully give to a lot of people when they talk about how people need to "walk in their shoes"). Those words are far too cold and calculating for that, and are simply abuser words.



Me 
So, she was most likely telling the truth about having an autistic son, and she treated him like shit. Go figure. Just like every other "autism mom" out there. They do have a habit of presenting themselves as holy figures.
Really, I feel sorry for that kid.



Captain Cassidy Wielder of the Banhammer 
I'm glad to take your word on it--though sad for the son.
Probably would have been a way better idea for her to contact the company in writing and just ask for the donation before signing up for anything. They might even have granted it then, who knows... But signing a contract and accepting a huge entertainment package like that, then unilaterally deciding not to pay because she felt she'd earned enough Autism Sympathy Points? Not a good plan. And offering a child a channel on a package she knows for 100% certain she can't afford to pay for monthly doesn't sound like she was thinking with portals at all.



Me 
No, she wasn't. though I bet her taking an expensive package and working it into that kid's routine would win her massive sympathy points when her kid inevitably gets upset because his routine is disrupted due to the fact he can no longer see that show. So then she can use that as yet another example of how autism ruined her life (and yes, she would say it was her life that was ruined even though her kid is the autistic one).
Seriously, though. Don't incorporate shows you can't afford to keep into an autistic kid's daily routine - it's a real pain in the ass to have a routine disrupted without warning. I know that from personal experience. If your kid really likes that particular show, it would be more responsible to get DVDs of it if available, or else have it be something that you specially plan - do the latter if you can't get the DVD because that way the show falls under the category "special treat" and isn't incorporated into a daily routine.
But I guess advice like that is not going to go over well with people who use their kid's autism as a way to fish for sympathy. God for-fucking-bid they do anything that will genuinely reduce their kid's difficulty rather than win them sympathy points, especially since they are also doing things that make it harder for autistic people and those parents of autistic kids who actually want to make it easier for their kids and are willing to fight on their kid's behalf rather than using autism as a vehicle to fish for sympathy.



Captain Cassidy Wielder of the Banhammer 
It definitely gave her something to keep her days busy. I got the feeling she'd done this to a lot of other companies for a lot of other services and goodies and did a lot of phone errands to keep the gravy train and sympathy brigade moving.



Me 
And strung her son along in the process with repeated, unnecessary, and jarring interruptions to his routine, rather than finding things within his interest area that he liked and that she could consistently provide (i.e. a one-time or few-time DVD purchase in lieu of scamming expensive TV packages).
Seems that she cared more about getting the goodies for herself and exploiting her son's plight in order to do so, while making it worse for him, rather than making sure that both she and her son were able to have nice things she didn't need to scam people to get. And she probably saddled her son with a huge burden of guilt for getting attached to those goodies that weren't really his in the process, although it was in no way his fault that his mom brought in those things and let them be incorporated into his routine knowing damn well she might not be able to give her son consistent access to them (again, a disaster for a lot of autistic kids) rather than making them "special treats" as she should have done, while giving him things he could consistently use for his routine (like the aforementioned DVDs).
Getting goodies for oneself is okay (yes, I know that parents have a lot of reason to be stressed), just get goodies you can reasonably afford, for you and your kids, and don't use your kid to bilk people out of goodies like that woman did.




Captain Cassidy Wielder of the Banhammer 
Jeez, yeah, 100% this. I'm glad you brought that up because I guess I hadn't even realized that the son might feel guilty about any attachments he formed to the TV channel in question. I see why parents like that are looked down on. That's a lot to saddle a child with, and none of it's his fault at all.



Me 
I figured the son might feel guilty about this because I have felt guilty about similar things outside my control (like feeling so guilty about benefitting from the use of fossil fuels that I once went through a phase of basically denying climate change and hanging on to the hope of a magical solution so that the guilt wouldn't drive me nuts, especially since I couldn't realistically check out of use of technology, and this was before renewable energy sources looked as feasible as they do today)

Exchange over.

Bet I’m not the only autistic who would feel guilty about getting attached to something that people have gotten through ill-gotten gains. I mean, sometimes we do need to apply this in a socially aware way (like when talking about white privilege) but this isn’t one of those things. And even when it is a good idea to acknowledge this, it does not mean people should have to be ashamed of getting attached to something. Recognizing problematic elements and being ashamed of getting attached to something are not the same thing. But in this case, if the son did feel guilty, his mom would probably encourage it - heck, the tricks she used to manipulate Captain Cassidy, mentioned in the first comment, are exactly the sort of thing that would feed guilt and shame in a totally destructive way - his mom is portraying the situation in a way that would make the son feel like it is all his fault he gets deeply attached to things. 

Seriously, how else are you supposed to feel when your mean mom is on the phone to a company desperately saying about how you will knock your head against the wall so hard you end up in the hospital if you can’t have the show you’ve grown deeply attached to? Of course you would feel guilty and absolutely sick with yourself - you don’t leap to thinking it’s your mom’s fault and that she could have skipped the fancy package and/or gotten DVDs of the shows or a TiVo to record your shows instead if she wanted you to have the shows - both options would be 100% cleaner, and a lot more likely to be able to continue, than scamming a company out of the fanciest packages the companies offer (which companies will likely cut you off from when they find out anyway, and in this particular case it would not be a dirty trick on the part of the company to do so since the company is not breaking any promises in that case). Especially since yes, companies are unethical a lot of the time, and yes, there are a lot of things companies should not deny, but that does not mean that people should be using children to scam said company. And they shouldn’t be humiliating their kids in public like that either. Period.

[whimsicallyenchantedrose]

Initial Thoughts: 6x14—Page 23

Normally, before I sit down to actually write these things I take a quick perusal of my dash just to get a feel for the general mood of the fandom.  This time, I decided to sit down and write my initial thoughts before I look at a single other person’s post.  So…this could be one big popular opinion, or one big unpopular opinion, but in any case, it’s my opinion.

So general overview? Gideon has officially made it to the top of my “Storybrooke most hated” list.  Impressive!  He managed in 4 episodes to unseat his father, who’s held the celebrated position for a good 2 seasons now!  

In all seriousness, though, what did I think of the episode?  I honestly loved it!  The general theme of this episode was forgiving yourself and learning to love yourself no matter how villainous you might have been in the past.

The Regina/EQ situation was not at all resolved in the way I expected, but it works for me.  I’m a little shell-shocked as an OQ fan, but…I actually kind of like it.  Regina gets both: she gets Robin, and she gets to be a model for the audience of someone who loved and lost and is able to find meaning in her life once again.

The CS in this episode was angsty.  Really angsty.  Even so, I loved it so much!  It really, truly opens the way for some amazing payoff in the next few episodes.  

The promo for 6x15 leaves me pumped for what’s coming!  The next episode looks to be all about CS and their true love story.

Okay, let’s delve a little deeper into the two main stories of the episode: Regina/EQ and Killian/CS.

Regina/EQ

Suffice it to say the resolution of this storyline was not what I was expecting!  I was expecting Regina to reabsorb the EQ.

I didn’t like Henry’s insistence that there was good in the EQ as well as bad.  It was inconsistent with the explanation they gave us for the serum.  Regina didn’t split out another person, she split out the bad portions of herself.  A portion of a person can’t grow and change. To that end, I was quite glad Henry’s statement ended up NOT to be the case.  The EQ didn’t change, Regina did.  Regina took ownership over both sides of herself, and in doing so, got rid of the threat of the EQ.

I thought this was a quite powerful episode for Regina—in both timelines.  At first, I was a bit underwhelmed with the flashback.  After all, it seemed like just another retread of the same old story we’ve gotten for 6 years: the Evil Queen goes after Snow White, and ends up failing, but it turned out to be much more.  Reginal learned that it’s not Snow, but herself that she hates most.  To me this is a very powerful message.  Regina became a world class, terrible villain not just because of a lack of love, but because of hate.  Rather than take Tink’s advice the second time around, give up the villainy, make amends and then pursue love rather than vengeance, Regina went full-speed ahead toward making herself a person the young, idealistic woman she used to be would hate more than ever.  (And thus, making herself a person who made terrible choices that caused horrifying harm to countless innocent people.)

In the present, Regina came to completely own the fact that the Evil Queen is her.  The EQ’s mistakes are her fault.  Regina brought her there out of a misguided attempt to cleanse herself from the darkness.  But darkness can’t be expunged that way.  It has to be fought and worked through on a daily basis.  Regina needed to take back her darkness and move forward in a healthy direction, having the darkness within but choosing not to give into it.  And that, ultimately, is exactly what she did!  I’m proud of her!

So the shears returned once again!  I was genuinely shocked when the EQ actually used them on Regina, but I figured it was a given that they would be used on someone at some point in the season. This use of them seemed to be as good as any.  It did, however, nix any lingering ideas I might have had that Regina would integrate with the EQ.  Once that connection was snapped, the EQ became her own entity.  (Still not exactly a person…more of a fake person, like all the people in the wish world.)

What a powerful moment when Regina was about to do the wrong thing again and crush the EQ’s heart (taking the easy but inadvisably bad route)!  The EQ told her she hated her, and then Regina caught sight of her reflection in the mirror, and it all clicked.  Regina realized what she needed to do.  Others have forgiven her for her wrong actions.  She needs to forgive herself.  She needs to stop hating herself and move forward in a healthy direction.  It’s like Nemo said to Killian early in the episode.  Guilt and self-hatred can be as destructive as vengeance.  The only way that Regina can move forward in a healthy, heroic direction, is if she forgives herself for her past, accepts her darkness within once again, and fights against it in the right way.

I loved that she did just that.  She found a way to help both the EQ, and by extension the rest of the town.  I’m proud of her!  Doing something like that isn’t easy.

So what are we to make of the way things ended up for the EQ?  I really liked the diner scene with Regina, Snow, Henry, Zelena and the EQ. Snow finally got a chance to confront the Evil Queen with all the terrible things she’d done to her in the past, and the Evil Queen sincerely apologized—and actually made an attempt to make things right by telling the gang what they need to know to break the sleeping curse.  Good moment for all involved!

Henry uses his author pen for good, sending the EQ where she can get a fresh start.  I suppose that’s a good use of his pen, although it seemed to me to be playing semantics a bit for him to say he could manipulate her story because she wasn’t technically in his book.

Interesting ending for OQ…or rather the anti-OQ.  The fact that the Evil Queen and wish realm Robin meet in the Page 23 pub and have a chance to live out the story that Regina did not choose is absolutely not the way I could have foreseen their story ending up, but in a way it’s very fitting and kind of beautiful.  I doubt we’ll ever see them or their story again, which is quite the shame.

Now how about how things ended up for Regina?  I don’t dislike it as much as I originally thought I would when Robin first died.  I think there’s something almost…inspirational about what OUAT did here.  We’re so used to people’s happy endings being ending up with their True Love and living happily ever after, but in the real world that doesn’t always happen. Sometimes people lose the love of their lives.  So what message does a show about hope give to them if everyone is happy only with their significant other?  This storyline allowed Regina to grieve, truly grieve, but then move forward.  It allowed her to realize that, while she’ll always love Robin, she still has Henry and the rest of her family and friends. She’s found love, and that love has utterly transformed her.  She’s going to be alright, and it’s an inspirational message to anyone else out their who’s had a loved one pass away.  Things may look bleak and hopeless for a time, but there is healing.  There is living after loss.

Killian/CS

Well we CSers really got beaten over the head with the angst stick this episode didn’t we?  It hurt, but I maintain that it was a good hurt!  It was a hurt that will ultimately lead to healing.  (It was like…a festering wound that a doctor lances to drain the pus.  Painful at the time, but leading to healing, rather than further festering….sorry for that vivid image, lol.)

I loved what Nemo said to Killian at the beginning of the episode.  Nemo’s right.  Killian’s turned away from vengeance, but guilt also has the power to destroy him. My only issue was that I thought Nemo only gave one truly good solution: telling Emma and trying to make amends. His other suggestion—that Killian bury the secret but learn to forgive himself wouldn’t really solve the problem.

Killian, I love you. You know I do.  You’re my absolute favorite character.  But Killian…*facepalm*  Nemo gave you two pieces of advice: Tell Emma the truth or forgive yourself.  You did neither.  Putting your memories in a dreamcatcher (btw…don’t you need magic to even use those things?  How’d he manage it?) and then burning it was 100% the wrong way to go.

Obviously Emma’s reaction when she inadvertently witnessed what happened hurt, but I think it was exactly the right reaction under the circumstances.  I’m glad she wasn’t angry with him over what he did in the past; she knows he’s not that man anymore.  I’m glad that wasn’t the impetus of her frustration.  She’s absolutely right that he should have come to her.  He should have trusted her with his secret.  He should have leaned on her to help him figure out how to move forward.  That’s how a relationship works.  Now granted, she did much the same thing to him in 6a when she didn’t tell him about the prophecy, but she learned from that.  She learned how destructive keeping those secrets from your fiancé can be. She was right to insist he make the decision to be the man who trusts her, the man who isn’t so mired in his own guilt that he alienates her.  It hurt to see her give the ring back, but this will ultimately be a good thing! This will lead to a second proposal; one not overshadowed by a horrible secret.

Killian decides to go back to Nemo.  I think his intention was good here—he truly wanted to find a way to make himself a better person, the person that Emma needed and deserved.  He wanted to find a way to cleanse himself of his past faults. The execution, however?  Killian…running away again, and not even telling Emma? Not even close to the right way to handle things.

Quite possibly my favorite scene of the episode was the one between Snow and Hook on the docks.  Snow was so loving and motherly!  This is Snow White at her absolute best—spreading hope and love to those in her family.  I loved how accepting she was of Killian as her future son-in-law.  I loved how genuinely happy she was for him.  But even more than that, I loved that she managed to (inadvertently) say exactly what Killian needed to hear.  By telling him about what happened with Regina and the Evil Queen, Killian came to realize that his fate isn’t sealed.  He does have the ability to change his fate.  He may have made some terrible, terrible choices in the past, but he can make things right (to the best of his ability) now. You could literally see him coming to this conclusion, and it was beautiful!

And so Killian decides to do the right thing.  He boards Nemo’s vessel to tell him he won’t be sailing with him after all.  Rather, he’s going to go talk to Emma, show her he’s committed to their relationship and to truly trusting in her, he’s done with secrets.  We might have been on the way to that amazing proposal scene we’ve all been waiting for….

But then there’s Gideon. Interesting he’s committed to getting rid of Killian because he believes he can’t defeat Emma with Killian around. I’d say that says quite a lot about the strength of Emma’s and Killian’s love!  (And by the way…have I mentioned yet that Gideon is the literal worst?)

The end, seeing Emma wait for Killian by the front door and then finally turn out the light hurt!  Of course she thinks he abandoned her.  It’s her m.o.  For a few minutes she’s going to be devastated…but then she’s going to realize that something just doesn’t add up.  We’re heading into some amazing payoff!

[novadreii]

whattup tumblr, it’s been a hot minute!

whenever my life gets exceptionally crazy, i always end up taking tumblr breaks, however inadvertently. in the past month:

i moved out for the very first time! my brother is my roommate and thanks to my job, he doesn’t have to work that much to help me out financially. he’s going back to school sometime next year so for now he’s saving his money. our apartment is so great; affordable, especially considering its great location (close to everything we need) and big rooms/ample storage. we’re on the third and top floor so there’s the added benefit of extra leg exercise on the stairs, and nobody stomping around on top of us. there’s a lovely balcony overlooking our neighborhood where I spend a lot of time. the freedom from my dad, from both my parents really, has been SO good for my soul. i love knowing that this space is mine and i can do whatever i want, whenever i want, without an overbearing parental presence. i’m too old for that shit, really.

on a sadder note, i’ve lost both my grandmothers, my last remaining grandparents, this month. the first one was sad, but that side of the family was estranged from us so i didn’t have the strongest emotional connection to her due to not knowing her very well. however, my maternal grandmother who died last week, is another story. this woman lived with us and raised me alongside my mother. and arguably, loved me better than she did. in so many ways, this woman was one of my soulmates. we understood each other the way nobody else could. when i was born, i’m told i lifted her out of a terrible chronic depression she had due to the passing of her husband, my grandfather. i spent every waking moment in the basement which was converted into a full apartment for her. we were inseparable, until she had a paralyzing stroke when i was 13. in the past year, her health declined to the point where she recognized me but couldn’t place who i was. she finally let go, at the age of 94. this may sound stupid, but due to our very small family i’ve never lost anybody close to me before. i’m 26 and i’ve never fully grieved someone’s death in my whole life. grief; it feels like exactly what i imagined it would. it feels like heartbreak, a tangible tightening in the centre of my chest, except sharper and more pronounced. the world, my perception of it, feels altered somehow. there is someone missing from the world, a void where her presence should be. everything feels off. How do i proceed in a world that she doesn’t inhabit anymore? as against organized religion as i am, in the past week i have gained a devastating understanding of the solace that can be gained from believing in a life after death. the idea that she is all around me, my guardian angel, soothes and appeases my pain even though i don’t truly believe in it intellectually. much more so than what i believe the reality to be, which is that she is entirely gone. there are so many dreams and hopes that she had for me that she never got to see. i will continue to live with renewed determination and perseverance to make my dreams happen. for myself yes, but also as if she is watching. i accept that she is gone, but i will keep her in my heart forever. so, in a way, she hasn’t gone anywhere. ti voglio bene, nonnina. non mi lasciare mai.

though there is never great timing for this sort of thing, i have to say, it was pretty good. i don’t think i could have handled this on a mental health level, even as soon as a year ago. so much has happened in the past year in terms of self-discovery and modifying my thinking habits (mindfulness, meditation, optimism, etc) that stabilized me enough that i could move out and deal with real life. i have my days, but i’ve made so much progress. no, i haven’t finished school yet, i’m still taking it easy by working retail, but i am taking steps, and have accepted that not everything has to be perfect all the time. i don’t have to have a checklist of things ticked off before i start living my life. i can live right now, even though i have still have no idea what career i want, even though i don’t have a degree yet, even though i don’t make a lot of money. i am grateful, for my health, the roof over my head, the people in my life, i am debt-free and in relative financial security. i am good. i am stable, and free to go in whichever direction i choose. i’ve come to understand that the way we perceive our lives shapes everything. so i can choose to improve that perception, and it has made all the difference. it sounds like baloney, but working on this in conjunction with medication has turned my thinking around 180 degrees. to all the little speedbumps in life, all the disappointments and failings, whenever something doesn’t go my way, i repeat the phrases it is what it is and it’s no big deal several times a day, and now i believe them. it isn’t about eliminating unfavourable things from my life, but about getting over and letting go of them asap. as a chronic overthinker, this has been my oxygen, my religion.

the icing on the cake; at my grandmother’s funeral, as i’m standing there trying not to cry and mostly failing, who else should walk in than my very best friend, the one i estranged 3, maybe 4 years ago when things took a sharp downturn mentally. her, and her whole family. seeing her made me so insanely happy that it saved me from my grief, at least for that day. she stayed the entire time, the whole viewing, service, and reception. we spent the whole reception tucked away in a corner, catching each other up on everything, in our own world. i didn’t even realize the hours flying by. this girl, as i’ve mentioned before, is without a doubt, another one of my soulmates. we laughed and chatted as if we’d seen each other the day before. she didn’t ask why i cut her off like that; i can tell that she just knows, that all is forgiven, or rather, that there’s nothing to forgive. i will, obviously, explain everything to her in time. my brother remarked that us talking together is something to behold. we speak the same way, with the same mannerisms, finishing each other’s sentences and communicating with glances. i cannot tell you guys what it felt like to have that afternoon with her after several years of self-imposed social isolation. it felt like breathing again after drowning. she is truly my sister and i don’t know that i deserve a friendship like that; free of expectation and ego, just love and acceptance. if i believed in the afterlife, i would say this was my grandmother’s parting gift to me.

so in general, april 2017 has been pretty much the most intense month i’ve had in a long time. a lot of firsts, a lot of ups and downs. i feel emotionally spent but still solid. not tearing at the seams, not falling apart. just human. acceptance is a big theme in my life, and accepting that i am built to be extremely sensitive is so important to me. so that i can use it to my advantage rather than allowing the downsides of it to consume me. as always, i’ve got plenty more to learn. by the time i’ve figured most of it out, it will be time to flee the mortal plane anyway. oh well.

now excuse me while i spam you guys with likes and whatnot. i’ve missed you guys a lot.

[xaibaugrove]

@khalix-hyetology I appreciate your kindness and would like to say that I don’t really deserve the thanks, as it is a fundamental requirement as a decent human being to be kind and respectful to one another and I had no issue at all extending that to you. 

I wanted to respond just to say that I don’t outright dislike Kuvira. In fact I think she’s pretty awesome in her characterization, her mannerisms, her fighting technique, her ruthlessly pragmatic demeanor, I really enjoyed watching her onscreen. She is one of my favorite villains of the show, the only other being Zaheer as my absolute favorite. I thought Kuvira was very complex, albeit written poorly in some aspects, such as her adoption being used as the primary reason why she had so many personal issues which can inadvertently characterize adopted individuals as troubled peoples who are consistently presumed to be missing something from their lives or being “incomplete”, causing them to act out in destructive ways, when that is not the case. 

I completely agree that Suyin is a terrible person in many ways, especially in the high and mighty stance she takes while disregarding her own flaws as a person. And Lin is a very under-appreciated character who bears the burden of how Suyin’s actions affected her but was dismissed because Suyin wanted Lin to forgive her. I can see how Suyin passes her behaviors onto her children with how she pacifies Bataar Jr. and essentially seems to have relinquished him of all guilt and shame for his actions simply because he’s her son. 

Honestly, Suyin’s behaviors seem to have influenced Kuvira as well, as she also wishes to be forgiven just as Bataar Jr. was, just as Suyin herself was, just because she is somewhat apologetic. In conclusion, I do agree with your viewpoint once I rightly understood it, and I am greatly aware of how Kuvira has faults and why she behaves the way that she does, but that doesn’t excuse her actions, as you stated yourself. Evil is not born though. It is made, and the people responsible for these influences must be accounted for as well. Suyin in nowhere near beyond reproach and while I believe that her flaws should be addressed within the comics at some point during Kuvira’s trial, I don’t think that will happen. 

But I did appreciate this discussion and the chance to interact with another member of the fandom on such an immersive topic. Thank you. 

God. This scene was so painful. What really bothers me is that even though Kuvira did something wrong I do also understand that she is not being fairly put on trial. She did do good for the Earth Kingdom initially and yeah she is aware what she did later was wrong. But, should she only be judged for that? I am not saying to forgive everything but she is the person eligible for redemption. She did try and she was derailed. I wish someone would help Kuvira. And, you can see Korra wants to. That she is actually analysing the situation in a way that is not fully black and white. 

(Su you forgave Bataar Jr for helping Kuvira make the damn weapon. So, yeah, you are being biased and just because you gave someone food doesn’t mean you treated them like family. Seriously, shut your elitist ass up)

Pics from here.

[moonwitted]

Stream of consciousness writing

How high do I need to get tonight? I need to forget today even existed lol. I want to sleep for the next 48 hours and wake up in Minnesota. I don't want to be here

It's not like I want to die or anything I just want to be on a different plane of existence.

I want to come clean about things to specific people and break down and apologize for every mistake I've ever made and be forgiven.

I want you to be back in my life and give me a second chance. This time as just a friend.

I remember kissing you in your room and playing with your hair, we were so young, I was so stupid and I needed so much help I promise I'm different, I'm better than I was then

It's been ten years won't you please give me a chance or at least the benefit of the doubt

I wish I had talked to you that night but gods I was so afraid and anxious

Looking back on life I know now, a lot of things were my fault and that's why I want to apologise, you know? Like I fucked up and lied to you and I was too pushy with him - though let's be real he was also way too sensitive about some things - but I've lost a lot of people and for ones like you I totally get why, I literally made up an entire story about having a cousin who lived in Japan and listened to our phone calls and I fucking told you he got shot and died no fucking wonder you don't trust me, I was a real piece of work

I wonder if you'll ever see this and find out it's me and connect the dots and then like, immediately block me.

As I'm writing this I'm realizing that the three exes who dislike me the most all have R names. Well, one of them doesn't anymore but he did.

The first one is an angel and deserves the world, she's become such a beautiful soul. I am happy for her. I am happy for you, I really am. I am so glad you were a part of my life for a brief time. You inadvertently taught me so much. Thank you.

The second one I worry about because they've been abused by their parent and seem to have become dependant on said parent. The third... Seems to be thriving, but is full of anger and hatred.

I should sleep. I need to sleep, I never get enough sleep, I toss and turn and fear and cry myself awake and recently you have been in my dreams far more often than I care to admit

There's another who's been in my dreams a lot lately, I thought I was over them but I dream of their lips brushing my skin and feel my heart flutter when they text me, because I want to say hey, I love you, but I fear it would be too much?

Hey, I love you. You make me happy. I am proud of you. I will always be here for you. I will support you.

I should sleep.