#you ALWAYS barely get home
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thinking abt the maria’s outbreak night. having many thoughts
#imagine her and her dad and kevin and his daddy were all together#maria and jack are fighting and maybe separating at this point#her dad is visiting them because its his birthday tomorrow#yes its rhe same birthday as you know who#her and jack end up going upstairs to argue when she gets home because hes been home alone with kevin and her dad all day by himSELF#when this was supposed to be a FAMILY day maria#and you leave me here with your fucking dad who hates me#he doesnt hate you#he hates me and you know it! and you leave me here with kevin who you NEVER see#dont. thats not fair#of COURSE its fair. look at today! where were you today?#maria was at work#because of course she was at work#shes always working because she has to be to financially prepare for raising a son#(and raising a son through a divorce. because she needs to get a fucking divorce.)#also there was a work emergency#(theres always a work emergency)#so she had to be gone most of the day and then in her way back the roads were CHAOS#she barely got home alive#i barely got home alive jack!#you ALWAYS barely get home#anyway they fight and then the world blows up and at some point they disagree on what to do#maria has a basement with enough food to last about three days for three people and an emergency go bag full of baby food#because of course she does#so at some point they have to decide between staying holed up there and waiting shit out#or going out and meeting with the soldiers who are going around blaring an evacuation notice#hank her dad is like Nope Do Not Trust the Government#and maria is like True#jack disagrees#he goes off on maria when she tells him they have to put it up to a vote
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Good Morning, World.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang yanli#jiang cheng#'Good Morning World' because to wwx the jiang household is what grounds him. It is his burrow and blanket.#The familiar soup and banter is his home. The familiar arguments and tension are also his home.#Notice how quickly he throws LWJ to the side once he has JC back in reach! 'He was so boring; I wish *you* were there!'#WWX is very quick to constantly remind himself that he fits within a very specific power structure and role.#He pushes boundaries but almost always only the boundaries that he knows he can push against.#Sitting here now and realizing that if WWX did take life more seriously and act more diligent he would totally usurp JC.#Because the contrast with Them (tm) is wwx is the one that gets in trouble and JC is the one that sticks to the rules.#That responsible appearance especially in contrast is the thin line that holds JC's self-esteem together.#And lets be fully honest. From JC's perspective the last week was also extremely intense and stressful.#It truly was a feat to travel so far so fast despite also being exhausted. Never knowing if it is all in vain.#JC said with his actions 'I would move mountains for you and dig through stone with my bare hands if it meant reaching you.'#and WWX said '[read]'#It's about wwx chronically asking 'why would someone care for me? I'm always tool to be used' than accepting that people love him.
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Was Titans Dick dramatic for cutting open his arm to pull out the tracker Bruce had implanted inside it without him knowing? Absolutely not, I would've done the same thing.
#i can barely stand the tracking app my mom made me get for my phone before i left home#every single time she texts me ''are you off today?'' i immediately get pissed bc i know she's monitoring me#so if i knew someone had implanted a tracking device in my actual fucking body?? you bet i'd cut that thing out#dick you will always be famous for that in my eyes lmao#Dick Grayson#Titans
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matthew cant stop touching sasha?
yeah now look at him continue to keep his arm around sasha while he tries to adjust his knee like he accidentally got superglue all over his hands and his skin is gonna get ripped off if he so much as tries to remove his hand from sashas shoulder
2024 nhl global series finland practise | 10.31.24 (x)
#aleksander barkov#matthew tkachuk#florida panthers#2425#utter clownshow#i really wish maffhew wouldve eaten shit for trying to be grossly in love#bond sickness is a serious thing and after the ir shenanigans that man is taking NO CHANCES#lundy shuffling away from the two man unit to give maffhew more space to fix his shinpad sock situation#and maffhew does the sensible thing and not you know detach himself from sasha to attend to it but actually makes it even harder on himself#what being taken to your husbands home country and romanced off the getgo does to a man#sashas always like catnip to him but now he cant get enough huh#gross! and in love! keep it to yourselves!#sasha barely paying attention to his dumb husband with attachment issues#this is what love looks like fucking dork#when i said he was a loverboy that also means all the cringefail loser sides of being a loverboy
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TEST DRIVE TEST DRIVE TEST DRI-
I have so many thoughts about this entire sequence, from the way Hiccup and Toothless get along to the MUSIC- (the music analysis is going to my tags)
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But im gonna talk about Toothless pov again
I always think of this is like, the forbidden friendship scene for Toothless the way the actual forbidden friendship was for Hiccup
If Hiccup's scene was Toothless connecting to Hiccup through human things (sharing food, smiling, art and all that)
Then this scene is Toothless' because Hiccup connects with Toothless through flying, something I've always headcanoned to be what dragons (the ones that fly anyway) need not just to survive, but to live and bond with others.
if Hiccup's FF is the beginning of the potential then Toothless' FF is the "end", the moment where the potential is found and fulfilled, the thing that really solidifies their friendship because both has now experienced and accepted the other's unique sides
Just, yeah Toothless sees Hiccup just getting it, understanding why flying is so wonderful, hearing him cheer and whoop in joy like a fledgling's first time in the air, and seeing him at the end instinctively understand what to do-
Like that sudden spin near the end of the sea pillars- and both of them looked surprised they even managed to do that together instinctively- when just a few minutes ago Hiccup couldnt even dodge the two very obvious sea pillars in the beginning
He looks up at this human, this strange clever, brilliant little human who has somehow made this even possible, who has broken every preconception he has, who is now flying with him with a dragon's instinct but baring his teeth in that human way of expressing joy, screaming something he could not parse perfectly in his dragon tongue but understood the meaning all the same.
"We did it."
#they did it. they achieved what they thought was impossible but together they reached it#the line can apply to a lot of things so ill let you think about it#i totally didnt get that 'we' thing from a fanfic COUGH#httyd#httyd movies#junie art post#can u tell ive gone insane#this was supposed to be a short caption but ive gotten carried away#toothless the dragon#toothless#hiccup horrendous haddock lll#hiccup#NOW. FOR THE MUSIC.#most of the analysis is already talked well by sideways and phoebe-kate so ill talk about my headcanons and interpretations#toothless' theme always repeats over and over. not ever really having a satisfying conclusion which ive always thought of as a silent show#that toothless was never really happy or content with his life before since he lived a dangerous and monotonous life of serving the queen#sure in exchange for his servitude he was given shelter to a place no viking can reach but he would never call it home.#he most likely wanted out of that sitaution. wanted something new and he got that rather violently through hiccup#now lets talk about hiccups theme. his theme is beautiful and sounds complete. but in the beginning you barely if ever notice his theme#unless youre really looking for it. his theme plays quite subtly and softly. showing how hiccup wants to be seen but he never is#at the start his theme plays after berk's which makes it sound as if hes following them. he isnt the same as berk but he tries to be#FF comes and hiccup and toothless connect both on screen and music. see you tomorrow has hiccups theme play clearly & confidently for once#test drive comes and toothless takes the lead- hiccup following right after him. it sounds amazing but theyre still not quite there yet#then the sea pillars moment and toothless theme plays twice waiting for hiccup's theme to jump in- to let go#and when hiccup does let go his theme jumps right after toothless' fitting perfectly and toothless' lets hiccup theme take center stage#its loud & beautiful and you get to hear it so clearly it takes your breath away and it ends with toothless theme finally reaching an end#they completed each other both musically and in character#they broke the rules of the world and are neither berk's theme or the dragon's they are two parts creating something new and beautiful#they completed their theme bros thats their theme its not berks or the dragons its their very own#okay im done i dont know if i got this across right i hope yall at least get the gist of my insane rambling
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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https://twitter.com/danfetes/status/1712166167572361344
josh says people saying stuff about stef ticks him off 😭 that's the meanest he'll ever get off the field 😭
that was kinda... 😏😏😏
and i definitely know stef feels the same... 😏
" tired of hearing all this nonsense... lot of guys in this league that have that same fire that don't get talked about, but--"
" frankly that kind of ticks me off when people wanna say stuff about him, but... we'll keep that all internal here 🙂🙃🫥."
this is allen at his boiling point omg 😭😭 held back by pr
#reporter: we talked to josh and we asked him a question about y-#stef smirks in Yeah. I Bet You Did. Bitch.😎 we're a two packaged deal. inseparable 😎 (insufferable) im his right hand man. his silly rab-#the sassy pose and the fond smile. theyre so untouchable dramatic ass top of the foodchain powercouple it's Unreal.#WHERE IS THE RPF!?!??!?!????#josh and allen sooooo fucked after this#fucked HARRRRD bro fucked HARD#and they were both soo ready for it like you cant tell me they didnt fuck nasty after this HELLO#we cant always bet on them winning but the fuck nasty is surely guranteed#diggs had the bed all set up with romantic candlelight and roses and josh hurdled over all that shit just to hold him in his arms#josh caught on fire a little bit but diggs patted the flames down before he could notice#all the snow piled up around their home in buffalo could not muffle the 'youre my qb.. ure my qb' pants& moans which shake those very walls#josh '🙃🙃' the hell outta this interview#he said YOU may not understand diggs horrors but **I** DO!!@@! **I** UNDERSTAND. I GET THEM.#the frustration of seeing everyone hate on his husband when he knows all of that pales in how much stef hates himself#AND THAT MAKES JOSHS LITTLE STUNNED FACE ALL THE MORE SAD LIKE. HES SO HURT FOR STEF.#AND HE JUST KNOWS. he KNOWS the public is gonna spin this horribly. make stef the diva they always degrade him as#josh has CONSTANTLY with like a bear pacing around the cracked glass enclosure barely disguised rage#defended stef from misinterpretation and disdained the diva drama so vehemently#so everytime josh messes up or stef messes up or they lose all josh is thinking and feeling is 'im fucking this up for him even more#i dont care if theyre gonna be mad at me. diggs is hurting. somehow some way. diggs is gonna get Hurt.#and i cant do anything but talk. and i cant even do that well.#it's all my fault i cant do anything im so stupid im so stupid'#saint bernard song 1 hour#that single wide eyed stare he gives his wr bcs all he can do is stare as stef's pain surges#it's not fear of stef as the media tries to portray for qbwr tension. it's fear For stef.#he knows theres hurt. and he knows theres gonna be even more hurting. and. the nail. he knows he cant do anything to help it from stopping#'why couldnt i throw better. i need to just run it to lessen the chances. i need to do something. i need to be better. i have to be better'#meanwhile diggs could care less abt what everyone else thinks about him. he just cares abt how josh thinks. about josh#stef wants to perform well so josh can actually feel well. be able to express anything he wants without worry or treading#diggs/allen
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thinking of rereading the entirety of HoME again. for my health
#‘for my health’ says the woman who has been struggling so much she’s barely read a book in the last half year lmao#silmarillion#(eh close enough)#tolkien#personal#also because I got so viscerally appalled when someone the other day tried to claim that ‘the second age has a lot less written about it tha#n the first age’ like I beG YOUR PARDON LMAO WHOMST#clearly someone hasn’t read unfinished tales 🙂↔️ clearly someone hasn’t read the entirety of HoME 🙂↔️#and like obviously idc idc I’m not a completionist truther read as much or as little of a fandom as you want enjoy what you want etc.#but when I went ‘oh there’s actually a lot in unfinished tales and in the home! it’s rly fascinating and fun and some of my favorites have y#ou had a chance to check it out ever?’ this person rly had the audacity to say they’ve ’read some of the unfinished tales’ like hm. somethin#tells me I don’t believe you lmao#I have never once in my life heard someone call. unfinished tales. the book. titled unfinished tales. ‘the unfinished tales’ like lmao what#anyways. it’s okay to admit you haven’t read something babe I was actually gonna recommend a few parts of that book and HoME you might enjoy#but 💋 okay then 💋#also normally I’d give ppl the benefit of the doubt but this person is Like This TM a lot and always has to outdo others & im over it lmao#but also also anyways. I am not immune to the HoME rereleased editions with that gorgeous artwork they are calling me and I am weak to#resist their siren song 😭😂 they’re so beautiful but each set of like 3-4 books (some have 3 some have 4 and the last one also has an index)#are like. over $100 each lmao ripppp.#I do own a few of the HoME but I don’t own all of them and. aaaaaa I need a complete reread#13 yo me 🤝🏻 late 20s yo me : going ‘hmm life is crazy maybe I need to immerse myself in the obscurent most dense Tolkien lore I possibly can#and yknow what. we’re so right. we’re so right#the history of middle earth#unfinished tales#and that conversation. as weird and posturing as that person was being. did get me reminiscing about my HoME obsessed days and I was like aw#I should revisit that :)#sometime self care is rereading 12 volumes of obscure lore about a fictional world with no one to talk with it about#anyways home my beloved. unfinished tales my beloved. love those books#obviously OBVIOUSLY I love the silmarillion and LOTR and the hobbit and beren and luthien etc etc ad infinitum as well! ofc! I just. I love#all of them ♡ hehe ♡
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Imagine waking up and seeing a very sleepy abysmal moth... soft for this moth again ;__;
Imagine if that's the first time you've seen him this tired and you end up hugging his face, trying to coax him back to sleep
I like to think half asleep moth is either rlly grumpy or is the opposite :3
ohhhh sleepy Foul Legacy is just my favorite thing,,,,,
see, there's two different versions of very sleepy Foul Legacy. the first is if he's interacting with anyone other than you- in this version, Legacy is very, VERY grumpy to have been woken up!! he'll hiss at the person, even growling if they don't get the message, before burrowing under his covers and glaring at them until they leave. he'll be grouchy for the rest of the day afterwards, wanting nothing more than to snuggle with you and not talk to anyone else
however, if YOU'RE the one interacting with sleepy Legacy, it's completely different. instead of being annoyed, he's extremely soft and sweet, mumbling quietly and bumping his head into your hands like he's asking for pets. even if you're trying to help him fall back asleep he wants your affection, nibbling your fingers and craning his head back so you can scritch under his chin, where he likes best. his purrs are tired and faint, only to increase in volume when you scratch in a particularly nice place. eventually when he's so sleepy he can't even keep his eye open anymore, he'll flop back down and bury his face into the crook of your neck, crooning drowsily and nuzzling into your warmth
oh, and if you happen to accidentally wake him up getting home from a late night at work, Legacy will get up and follow you around the house until you go to sleep, resting his chin on the top of your head and yawning impossibly wide. you've told him many times that he can simply go back to sleep when you get home, but he can't resist seeing you and basking in your presence one more time before he drifts off for the night <33
#genshin impact#childe#tartaglia#foul legacy#foul legacy childe#genshin tartagalia#genshin childe#genshin tartaglia#chit chat#anon#SLEEPY MOTH MY BELOVED#if you want optimal sleepy soft moth wait until he's snoozing in the sunlight#he will be so warm and drowsy that he will just be a big puddle of affection#part of the reason he always gets up when you get home is that he can barely sleep without you#i mean he can it's just better with you there#short scenario#other's stuff#FAVE
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miss pauling WOULD NOT SMELL FINE.
#me disagreeing at everything about miss pauling that people paints her as something good sweet or cool#WHEN SHES NOT COOL OR AWESOME OR SMELLS GOOD AT ALL SHAKES YOU AROUND LIKE A BOTTLE#she smells LIKE HUMAN SWEAT and old clothes from a humid closet she barely cleans. like a grandma.#well grandmas do smell nice. BUT THATS NOT THE FACT#ok well she does smell fine and bearable maybe he hair smells like bed sheets no changed at all#because she wakes up so early she doesn’t have time to clean her room or make her bed#she just instantly runs not even eating breakfast and dying of hunger until either scout or soldier gives her a cookie#or a half eaten pork beans in soldiers courtesy#and gets home late EXHAUSTED and throws herself in the bed to later wake up in 5 minutes#me wanting to expose her every single damn time i am evil like that to my ult#oh yeah her hair doesn’t smell that good at all. full of lice. and greasy. girl wash YOUR HAIR that’s what demo always says to her#prob demo often times calls her out or secretly spy will come and said damn my mask doesn’t even smell that bad than that hair of yours#but is either of those two. wait what i was talking about#her teeth are so yellow because she forgets to clean them#crusty eyes too. can’t put makeup stupidass just only puts her fav purple lipstick to hide her crusty lips#takes a deep breath… fuck. woman failure
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Wine stains on porcelain
(Alternatively: @katkastrofa and I have created 5 OCs in 3 days and I suffer from chronic “I wanna draw the little guysssssss” disease)
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#original characters#I have not figured out a tag system yet so for now this is all they’re getting#their names are liba and abyan and I’m very much obsessed :)#they’re the children of two of our other newest OCs. Himman and Summiya#the latter of whom just happens to be Zaheer’s older sister#but he ran away from home years before these two were born so he most likely isn’t even aware of their existence#I mean. I’m sure he suspects his sisters had children. but that’s the extent of what he knows#anyway#quite a few headcanons came to mind as I was drawing so I’m gonna type them out while I can still function#(haven’t slept for two nights in a row. I’m starting to doubt whether I’m actually alive or not)#Liba is older by about a year but once they grow up a little it’s barely noticeable and people assume they’re twins#over time they stop bothering to correct them because really. they’re so close they might as well be#they were both burn with port wine stain birthmarks on their faces. much to their mother’s dismay#she has a whole perfectionism complex and needed her children to reflect that to maintain the family image#thus they were taught how to hide the marks early on. but the powder makes them constantly sneeze#liba is very self conscious about it bc of what her mother put in her head. Abyan less so bc while he’s expected to be perfect#his future doesn’t depend on his looks. he always tries to comfort his sister whenever she spirals too deep. no matter that she’s older#when no one is around to hear he calls her Lili <3 it annoyed her at first so she dubbed him Yanyan in retaliation#but over time they both grew to love the nicknames and now use them unironically#they’re the ultimate partners in crime. their goal? gaining as much freedom from their mother as possible#and sooner or later they will manage to do so permanently. which will make Summiya fall apart. but that is currently Kat’s domain#speaking of. hi Kat. I know you’ve already seen this in pencil but look! I coloured them!!#the birthmarks were both kinda annoying and rather fun to do. maybe I’ll change them later. I was too tired to look at refs so I improvised#and there’s no detail in clothing since again. 0 energy whatsoever. but once I refine their full body designs I shall go all out#that reminds me I need to go collect my new sketchbook. might do it on the way home from the store#okay I’m getting distracted. is this my very unsubtle way of trying to influence Kat to write that Summiya fic?#maybe. maybe not. you can’t prove anything 😁
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loveee when a character is crushed under the weight of someone elses expectations for them love when a character dedicates their entire life to something they never even wanted for themself love when the only reason a character keeps going is because theyre Supposed to and bc theyre supposed to make another person happy/proud. YES !!! CLAPPING !!! YES !!!!!!!!
#this isnt rly related to any character in particular i just thought abt this and it made me scream.#flirting at a bar Damn girl you look like youre trapped in a life you built to please someone else. and then i kneel down and pull out a 💍#sry i ran out of space for the full word ring. also why when i type 💍 Ohh theyre hiding it. bc now the emoji is 💍 Oh they changed it again#pox on their home..originally it was 🔐 sughested emoji#but then the second time it was 😭.... very anti marriage. well ig maybe the sob could be like OMG... YES!!!!! I WILL MARRY YOU!!!!!!#ngl getting proposed to is such a big fear of mine like. i dont think id ever be able to propose to someone so id have to be proposed to i#suppose but it makes me quite nervous not bc im like ohh nooo dont propose i just rly worry ill react the wrong way and theyll change their#mind. like its a very high emotion moment so ik i would be supposed to be emotional And i would be but idk if id do it in the right way . y#idk. what if my autism looms and i end up just being like 😐 on accident. fuckkk. what if i say somethinf dumb. like i try to be like YES !#but instead im like YEP! god. can you imagine. id have to just bury myself at that point. so embarassing. or like what if i get excited and#flap my hands but it was supposed to be more of a like. joyful crying type of thing... or what if im supposed to just be shocked and like .#Oh my god ....#and am I supposed to run at them and sweep them into a hug or do they do thst to me. UGH. ITS SO STRESSFUL. i suppose ill just remain alone#forever so I never have to confront any difficult situations ever again . Joke .#idk it just makes me nervous. but i suppose hopefully the person proposing to me will love me . that would be nice so hopefully they wont#mind if i dont respond the right way . and they wont be upset with me bc they love me eversomuch. a girl can dream i suppose... my head lik#is pounding sry. i need to sleep probably.. stayed up too late again -_- 8am -_- and im sposed to do laundry today But i dont want to . and#since im gonna fall asleep i fear it shant happen. UGHHH#wtvr. idk what my ideal proposal would be likeee. i don't want to be blindsided ig#i like surprises but Obviously im too worried abt like. my immediate reaction#+ i think its important to talk abt marriage Before proposing just so everybodys like#on the same page and such. Obvs... but ya. i dont think id want a super public proposal like. id like it to be somewhere nice with maybs#significance to our relationship and such. and its fine if theres like Some passersby but id hate for it 2 be like. somewhere crowded. or i#a restaurant or something#Altho if it was in a restaurant maybe we could get free food..#but maybe that can be just fake proposals later on. and our real proposal can be somewhere else. YIPPEEE. me and my imaginary future spouse#who is To be honest rather bare minimum#normal girl will be like Wistful sigh maybe my future spouse will even love me and wont scream at me and will like to listen to me speak 😍#but anywyas. my beddybye time. SURPRISE GN POST#woahhthis got off topic i forgot what the original post was this always happens. i do love characters like that
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anyway. it’s been a rough week
#on my last day of my family vacation and like… it was awful. emotionally#my family are so fucked up lmao and i barely got to talk to either of my sisters bc they both brought plus ones :) :)#and i’m still reeeeeeeling from one of my best friends from college revealing she had a full on affair w a coworker a few years ago#while she was living w her gf… and the fact she kept it secret from me for sooooo fucking long like come on#it explains everything it explains why i havent felt close to her in years there was always this between us. and in all that time the amount#of convos we had abt feeling disconnected and me thinking maybe even I had done something or failed somehow. NOPE!! she’s been lying to me#for years :)))) and years :)) and this isn’t even the first time she’s kept a huge secret LOL#AND. oh my god. my current roommate is finally at the end of her abusive relationship and is actively suicidal rn#she’s watching my cats alone while telling ppl she doesnt care if she lives or dies.. girl no offense but you HAVE to survive one more day#for the sake of my fucking cat. bitch. so i have to deal w that when i get home and it’s going to take up all my time. i just know it#UGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AND I STILL CANT FIND A THERAPIST!!!! ive been without one since mine quit being a therapist a year ago#😖😖😖😖😖😖😖 pray for me lmao!
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God I always knew a gig would fix me
#i always make a point to earn my place in the pit and its the sexiest workout in the world#you catch two people to stop em falling and then you get bodily picked up and rugby tackled across 3 metres of air#you let 3 dozen people land on your hands arms shoulders back neck head you get to crowdsurf the length of the room#im bleeding twice every part of me that can take a bruise is purple and i feel for the first time in weeks perfectly at home in this body#i am strong i am steady i am solid i know who i am and where i am and that is being fuckin TOSSED by a bear of a man into a bare stone wall#and standing up beaming
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i know i'm in the middle of writing a jamie backstory but i went back home to sighthill in glasgow a few days ago and it filled me with such nostalgia and warmth and grief that i NEED to write a malcolm backstory too
#jamie to me is more comfortably working class / upper working class#malcolm is more like me <3333#grew up with the bare essentials and had to work his arse off for anything else#i've always had that feeling about him i don't know why. and i feel like it adds this layer to him in canon#like seeing how working your way so deeply into the heart of the middle / upper class bubble can change you#but also the parts of your class / upbringing that never leave you even if you don't realise they're still there#i see both he and jamie's younger years and profoundly lonely#in that very casual understated working class scottish / british male way#no emotional support or outlet. no time or space to slow down or reflect. no room to process the loneliness#just trucking on and sticking in and getting on with it without allowing yourself to figure out if you're actually living#what i'm really trying to get at with jamie's story right now is this overarching undercurrent of casual isolation#he's not lonely. he's fine. but he is fundamentally Alone. he's out in the world with no one to help or rescue him but himself#it forces you to grow up fast and develop a really thick skin. and for jamie it's also somewhere to put all that energy#for malcolm it's more mental energy he's channelling. it's why he chooses academia / university#takes his mind off the parts of himself that he can't fix or deal with#i.e. the gaping hole inside of his soul + having a sick single mother at home who relies on him for most things#(malcolm is a mammy's lad with older sisters he reeks of that vibe)#anyway.
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working here is making me a little bit nuts abt antibullying again <3
#i mean ive always been a little nuts abt it. but its worse rn :)#i have been saying For Years that the reason antibullying campaigns have been so toothless is bc theyve ignored root causes#you cannot fight bullying while ignoring discrimination in our larger society#its not a fucking 80s movie people dont (frequently) get bullied Just for being nerds irl. the go to examples are so outdated#i could get into specifics but i think i dont need to! its ableism its racism its classism etc etc etc#we need to be actively teaching kids from a young age that at the bare minimum? acting on discriminatory beliefs is wrong#there needs to be actual consequences and understanding of why its wrong#we need to talk abt these issues WITH specifics. talk abt exactly whats wrong and why#call out specific common jokes explain slurs talk abt current events related to these issues#and fucking get rid of the 0 tolerance bullshit ive never heard of it doing anything but punishing the victim for fighting back#and i know some people will still be missed by this programming bc of their home life or influences. you really cant win them all#but you at least need to fucking try and attack this problem from the root instead of snipping vaguely at leaves#levi.txt#and i dont want to hear SHIT abt how your precious baby is too young to learn abt discrimination bc itll make them sad#as long as there are kids their age facing it? theyre not too young to try and understand#i just. aughhhh#like. ive been there dude i got bullied for a long ass time#didnt know why at the time but looking back it was absolutely bc i was nd#and that was so long ago and its still not better. it fuckin kills me man we should be getting over this#delete later#im very tired and this is a Big Rant but idfk man!! im mad#this shit ends lives youd think wed take it more seriously
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