#you! hockey poetry people! i love you!

[oneminutefiftysixseconds]

Fragmentary Blue by Robert Frost, and French cyclist Thibaut Pinot.

[eliza-and-her-monsters]

the tortured poets department

a story told in multiple parts

vi x reader

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Contains: college au, dark/light academia, writer reader, singer reader, neurodivergent/autistic reader (i’m autistic so i’m writing from my own experiences), sporty vi, hockey player vi, big sister caitlyn, best friend ellie williams, roommate ellie williams, will contain other familiar characters you know and love as well as some potential ocs. no use of y/n, reader does have a name because it’s just easier for me to write that way 🖤 ALSO- Jayce is aged down because I want him to be 😌

WC: 4.5k

TW: talk of severe mental illness and brief mention of psychiatric facilities

A/N: chapter one is officially live! if you’re just stumbling across this and haven’t checked the main info post yet please do for more info! hope you enjoy! 🖤

part I

you’re on your own, kid

Whenever most people got acceptance letters to Oxford they were ecstatic, elated, overjoyed. Somehow whenever I got mine all I felt was a sense that I had failed. It was a juxtaposition of course, it was always expected from my family that I attend the same university they had and every other generation before them had. So in a way I had done the opposite, just maybe not in the right order, and a hefty amount of rejection letters in my midst. Including the one currently being held in my shaky hand right now.

Ms. Kiramman,

Thank you for submitting your manuscript to our publication house. Unfortunately right now we are unable to offer you an opportunity for further publication.

“Please, they wouldn’t know good literature if it hit them in the face.” Caitlyn scoffed from her spot next to me as the student shuttle jostled us in our row of seats.

“Is every other publication house that denied me unable to recognize good literature as well?” I whispered from where my cheek stayed pressed to her shoulder.

I know what a lot of you were probably thinking at first glance, but Caitlyn was a good big sister. She was harsh, severely left brained, exactly everything our parents wanted in a child, and quite possibly the polar opposite of me. But in all honesty she was my best friend. My biggest supporter whenever my parents weren’t. It was her who had harassed all of those literary agents to even get me the chance to submit my works to publication houses in the first place because I was too scared to do it. And it was I who failed every single time.

“Yeah actually, they are. Honestly Mills, there’s so much trash in modern day poetry right now you might be better off.” She sighed, reaching a hand over to click my phone off slowly as the shuttle rumbled to a stop. “This is you!” She tried to plaster on a fake cheery voice with a pat on my back as if to get me to finally lift my head where my cheek was already an irritated red for being hid in her sweater.

“I still don’t get why you couldn’t just let Ellie and I take the extra room in that big student house you just moved into.” I huffed, lifting a hand to readjust my glasses before rising up to my feet and reaching for one of the suitcases carelessly tossed on one of the adjacent rows of seats.

“Because lovey, you need to make some of your own friends. This is uni, Millie, we’re both in completely different colleges and I just- I don’t want you to get too lonely.” She frowned, glancing back at me as she rolled the other suitcase behind her. “You guys don’t wanna room with a bunch of upperclassmen anyways.”

“I do have my own friends, I have Ellie.”

“As much as she is a great roommate, friends besides Ellie, it’s good to have more than just two whole people on campus to talk to.” Caitlyn pressed on just before striding towards the entrance, leaving me feeling like I needed to speed walk just to keep up given the fact she was nearly a foot taller as well.

The student apartments were definitely nicer than the usual underclassman dorms. In all honesty I really should’ve been grateful, it was just another luxury of being a Kiramman. Whenever your parents paid for half of the buildings on campus you usually got better accommodations. Not that either of them originally liked the idea of me even rooming with Ellie. A loudmouthed foreign exchange student from America I met during another one of those incredibly expensive wellness retreats my parents sent me on to see if they could find a ‘cure’ for what was actually just a heavy amount of autism and severe ADHD.

The only person who really seemed to understand that there wasn’t one and it was just simply who I was was Caitlyn. To a degree as much as she could at least. Sometimes though I could tell she forgot.

“I think Ellie said she beat us a while ago.” She chimed in as we approached the door decorated with a slightly chipped gold number.

“She got here early because of hockey stuff.” I answered, already bouncing on the balls of my feet to see how she had managed to make the flat into a sea of chaos already. She wasn’t exactly the cleanest person, luckily her energy seemed to mesh with mine easily enough though.

“Oh! You never mentioned she made the hockey team! I know a few girls on the team you could probably talk to.” She shot a hopeful smile back at me before lifting a fist to knock on the door.

It swung open before she could even make a second tap to reveal a frazzled looking Ellie haphazardly clutching a hockey stick. “Thank God you’re here! I was trying to practice my swing and- fuck, we are so not getting that deposit back, Millie.”

“Oh dear god.” Caitlyn cursed, already wincing in dread before stepping through the door into the messy flat. “I’m sure our dad can- do something. What did you manage to break and why on earth did you decide practicing your swing indoors was a good idea?”

“For your information I didn’t break anything! There’s just a- tiny dent in the wall.”

I hummed a bit to myself as I stepped over the plethora of unpacked bags currently covering the floor. “It’s definitely more than tiny.” I chimed in as I poked at the noticeable dent in the drywall.

Caitlyn released a long and heavy breath and shook her head, as if to try and keep herself from making her own dent in the wall. “It’s totally fine. I’ll just- say that it was there whenever you guys moved in!” She shrugged with another anxious clear of her throat as she pulled my luggage in behind her. “Which room is free, Els?”

“Oh, I gave her the room in the front. I know she likes it dark and the lighting in there sucks.” Ellie answered as she shuffled off behind us. “There is one window in there that can get pretty killer in the mornings.”

I tensed a bit at the sight of the double window facing towards the bed. Yet another one of the aggravating little quirks that came with my neurodivergency, light sensitivity. As far as I could remember I always preferred the darkest of places. And now Caitlyn was cursing again, rushing towards me to take my hands into her own as if I was already on the verge of panic.

“It’s okay- I can get you a pair of a blackout curtains asap and you know how dreary it is in Oxford anyways-“

“Caity- it’s fine. I’m not going to have a meltdown over a window.” I interrupted her ramble with a shake of my head. Sometimes I felt like she still thought I was that same teenage girl that didn’t have a handle on her emotions. Not that I was far from it exactly. Now I was just an almost 20 year old girl who had a slight hold on her emotions. That’s what the writing was for.

Her eyes still held the same amount of concern though, getting that same little crinkle in between her brows as she nodded. “Okay, I’m still getting you blackout curtains though.”

“They’ll definitely be appreciated.” I said with a forced tiny smile.

“Well, I really wish I could stay and help you unpack but I have a meeting with the Brooks Society and everything but… I really do hope I’ll see you both tonight at the pub for fresher’s week?” She grinned hopefully once more as she squeezed the life out of my hands.

“Oh, I-I don’t know. We’ve barely settled in and-”

“I’m down.” Ellie chimed in from behind me as she trotted back into the door frame. “I’m gonna be relishing in the fact I finally don’t need a fake.”

“Ellie…” I groaned as I shot her a glare over my shoulder.

“What? Mills, it’s the first day of fresher’s week, we might as well be committing a crime by not going out tonight!” She exclaimed with a dramatic throw of her hands in the air.

“It’s true, and as much as I would love to keep you away from my degenerate friends, well, it might be good for you.” Caitlyn agreed with another casual shrug.

“You’re not gonna give me a choice, are you?” I questioned causing her to shoot a knowing look towards Ellie over my shoulder.

“Probably not.” She answered before stealing a look down at the expensive watch wrapped around her wrist. “Well, I’ve gotta go but… you’ll text me if you need anything, right? I don’t want you to feel like you can’t because of what I said earlier because you always can I just-“

“Caity- it’s fine. I’m fine, I promise. I- I’ll see you tonight.” I stammered in hesitation, and I’d definitely be hearing about it later. But luckily right now she seemed willing to just let things go.

“Okay, good… great. Now- get in here, pipsqueak!” She exclaimed, the familiar nickname she had been calling me since she hit her growth spurt and I yet to do so making me roll my eyes as she pulled me into a tight hug. One of those sisterly hugs I always clung onto a bit longer. Ever since I was younger no place had felt safer than Caitlyn. And in so many ways sometimes I looked at her as being more than a mom than our actual mom. I knew I needed to find other safe places though. “I love you, you know that right? I promise. This is going to be a good thing.”

“I love you too, Caity.” I sighed softly as I felt her lips press to the top of my head before the two of us pulled away.

“Els, take care of my baby sister or else I’ll have your head on a stick? Got it?”

“Crystal?” Ellie finally spoke up again with wide eyes as her hand made the ‘okay’ symbol.

“Good.” Caitlyn spoke before trotting back off towards the front door, “I’ll see you both tonight and send you the details.” And with a charming smile she was headed out.

Ellie instantly let out a shiver the moment the door closed. “Has anyone ever told you that your sister’s scary as fuck?”

“Many times.” I answered simply just in time to see Ellie’s face fall ever so slightly.

“So, I’m guessing it was a no from the latest publication house?”

“How could you guess?” I frowned as I slumped against the wall like I was going to resign myself to the floor.

“You had that aire of discouraged defeatism whenever you walked in.” She explained as she sidled up to me. “Cheer up, Mills, modern poetry is so cringeworthy nowadays you might be better off going for songwriting anyways.” She added as she gently rubbed at my clothed arms.

“If I can’t even get a publication house to take me seriously then what makes you think I can actually get a songwriting deal?” I spoke as I finally pushed myself off of the wall.

“One of the most popular songs out right now literally has the lyrics, ‘that’s that me, espresso’ in it.” She rolled her eyes a bit to herself as she finally knelt down to grab the bags she had still yet to unpack.

“No Sabrina Carpenter slander in this apartment, Williams. You know I’m an OG. And I can relate to desperation.” I frowned in embarrassment as I crossed my arms across my chest.

“Yeah yeah yeah, come and help me unpack, will you? Maybe we can find you something to wear tonight.”

“What’s wrong with what I have on?” I exclaimed almost in mild offense as I gestured towards the outfit that definitely had been hastily picked out. But it wasn’t like it wasn’t cute- ish at least.

“Nothing, but care bear sweaters and leggings seems more like a comfy day outfit than a ‘going out to the pub’ outfit.”

“I thought it was going to be a comfy day until you completely blew my cover!”

“Sorry babe, but I agree with your scary as fuck sister on this one. You need to get out more. Experience the pleasures of fresher’s week and you can take that in any way you want!” She shot a wink over her shoulder as she made her way down the skinny hallway to kick open her own door where a brutal floor to ceiling window already angrily cast its light on the room causing me to flinch.

“We could always pretend to be girlfriends again if you want people to leave you alone in a, you know, romantic way.” Ellie added as she rushed across the room to pull the curtains shut and pat the empty space on her bed. Probably the only time it’d actually be made all semester.

“Nah, if we do that too many times people will know we’re lying so best not to even start.” I answered as I took a seat on the side of her bed.

“Well if that’s the case, how does this shirt look with… this flannel? What do you think? Chick magnet?” She grinned before whipping out a red and black checkered flannel from the mostly empty closet and pulling it on over the basic black band tee she already wore with a flourish.

“Maybe if they’re emo?” I said with a little shrug as I scanned the band logo on her t-shirt causing her to groan in defeat.

“Still… somehow… always chronically bitchless.” She voiced before plopping down on the squeaky university issued beds. Though we were at least lucky enough to have double beds, it definitely wouldn’t leave anything to the imagination if either of us decided to do any nsfw activities in them. Somehow I didn’t feel like we’d have that problem though.

“Shush, you’re not chronically bitchless. You have me!” I teased as I gave her shoulder a playful shove where she dramatically flopped onto her back.

“So bitchless then?” She reiterated with a lifted brow as she glanced over at me.

“At least you’ve actually managed to kiss a girl once or twice.” I scowled as I inched over onto my side. Already catching myself pulling closer towards her.

“Just so we’re clear, I did offer.”

“Yeah, only to get your first kiss out of the way.” I scoffed, though I curled up to her either way. Closing my eyes as I placed my head on her chest I hadn’t realized how tired I had felt in the past 24 hours. They had been rough, a sea of anxiety and those exact meltdowns that Caitlyn was afraid of me having and her not being there to talk me down from.

“And? The offer never stopped standing.” She spoke just before I could feel her arms wrapping around me.

“Good to know, Els, I’ll let you know if I ever need to get a pity kiss from my best friend.”

“Oh shut up, it’s not a pity kiss. It’s me doing you a solid.” She remarked, as she nudged my foot with her leg. “You manage to get any sleep last night?” She wondered just before letting her hands trace soothing circles on my back. I only shook my head as I felt the sting behind my eyes before I could even take any steps to stop it. The way you felt whenever you were already on the verge all day and someone finally asks if you’re okay. Curling my fingers into her flannel the annoying tears already soaked into the fabric of her shirt. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

A shake of my head only followed, I didn’t know how to put anything into words really. How to explain to people that just wouldn’t understand no matter how much they meant well and wanted to. How was someone even supposed to explain the fact that you were one of the most celebrated families of the most prestigious university in England yet somehow you still felt like the only person who didn’t belong here sat on top of a mountain of rejection letters? Perhaps you could rather easily. But to actually say the words ‘I’m pretty sure I only got in because I’m a Kiramman’ were a whole different story. It’s why I took all those years off in the first place. I wanted to delay the inevitable of my dad paying off the admissions directors again while staring at me with the level of disappointment he never had to with Caitlyn.

I hadn’t even realized the simple tears had turned into full out sobs until I heard Ellie’s gentle shush from above me and her arms holding me even tighter to her chest as she did so. “You’re gonna be okay, Mills. I promise. We’re gonna be just fine.”

~

I hadn’t even noticed I had dozed off until my eyes cracked open again, noticeably faced away from the window and tucked underneath Ellie’s covers. My glasses sat propped up on her bedside dresser already casting a noticeable blur of the world around me. Meanwhile hushed voices seemed to speak from out in the hallway, walls much too thin to hide the noise.

Fighting back a yawn I shoved myself up onto my elbow to wipe at my dysfunctional eyes before stretching a hand out to pluck my glasses from the nearby table. Though I only jumped as the door was pushed open and Caitlyn’s tall figure popped up into view. “Hey pipsqueak, Ellie told me you weren’t feeling the best after I left.” She said carefully as she grabbed my glasses to hand them over.

“I wished she wouldn’t have.” I grumbled as I slid them onto my face only to hug my knees to my chest and glue my eyes to the bedsheets below.

“Why not? Isn’t that exactly what I told you to do? Mills, I would’ve stayed-”

“But- I-I don’t wanna keep you from your responsibilities anymore, Caity!” I exclaimed with a frustrated groan, already digging at my eyes again while my head only throbbed from the aftermath. “I don’t want you to have to tell this really important college society that you can’t be there for your obligations because your mentally ill sister needs you to rescue her again!”

“You are my responsibility, Amelia!” She snapped, the use of my rarely spoken full name making me wince as she pointed a stern finger at me. “You will always be my number one priority because I’m your big sister and it’s my job to protect you, no matter what. And I don’t care what kind of deep shit I get into with the criminology department, okay? Because you come first, always!”

I tried to gulp back the same pathetic tears, but it turns out after you cry yourself to sleep for the millionth time maybe there really is a limit. “I didn’t miss anything, did I?” I spoke up after a moment of silence, feeling Caitlyn’s arm stretch around my shoulder as she took the spot next to me.

“No, but I did do some thinking and if you really don’t wanna go then I don’t wanna pressure you.” She frowned, almost looking down in mild guilt until I leaned my head against her shoulder.

“No… I do. I wanna go and make friends and new experiences and- t-try to be normal.”

“Lovey, you are normal. It’s the world that isn’t.” Caitlyn frowned as she leaned her head against mine. Thankfully she only hesitated a moment though before she cleared her throat and spoke again, “If you wanna go though we should probably start getting ready. If you want me to help you?”

“Maybe you can help me figure out what to wear? And do my hair in those little braids with the clips? And help me with my eyeliner?”

Caitlyn snickered a bit as I lifted my head from her shoulder. “The eyeliner might be a little tricky but I can certainly try. Are you forgetting the prom incident where I quite literally gave you an eye infection?”

“That was definitely just because of the glitter.” I shrugged before swinging my legs over the side of the bed and finally pushing myself up to my feet.

“The eyeliner pen straight to the cornea certainly didn’t help.” She reiterated.

Despite the various complications of having two not at all femme lesbians help me get ready though, I don’t think I looked too terrible afterwards. I had settled on a simple black dress that fell just above the knee with little bows sat atop the straps. English autumns could either be comfortable or frigid though and the current temperature definitely wasn’t comfortable so Ellie tossed me one of her blue flannels to wear over top. Of course claiming it’d be a calling card for all of the hot lesbians, if they didn’t assume we were together first.

Calling the pub a ‘pub’ in an of itself was definitely generous. Besides the one or two older people having their relaxing evening out ruined by the loudmouthed 18+ filling the joint it felt more like a club than anything. Music blasted from the speakers as we stepped inside, Caitlyn on one side with a protective arm around my shoulders and Ellie on the other who looked more and more like she was never returning to America by the second.

Caitlyn immediately dragged us downstairs where most of the students had taken over. It wasn’t hard to figure out which group of friends were hers. It was the largest one, who had currently swallowed the entire center of the room it seemed filling up leather stools and couches with red decorative pillows. “Oi! Cait! Over here!” A familiar voice echoed from the large group, popping his head over everyone and waving the lot of us over.

“Jayce? I thought he finished his masters last year.” I tried to speak over the noise where Caitlyn wrinkled her nose in response.

“He did, guess the old man just can’t get enough of us.” She answered, giving my arm a comforting squeeze as she pulled me along beside her.

The group was probably the most eccentric lot I had ever seen as we approached the cluttered table. Covered in empty and full beer bottles and other fruity drinks along with half burnt out cigarettes. A spread of tarot cards belonging to a skinny girl with the longest and brightest blue hair I had ever seen was currently being scooped up as well causing my eyes to widen in curiosity. A chorus of Caitlyn’s name followed as usual, the usual life of the party whenever I wasn’t there and she didn’t have to babysit. I had almost managed to successfully tune most of the chaotic noise out though until I heard my name followed by the tightening of Caitlyn’s arm around my shoulders once more.

“Lads, this is my baby sister, Amelia. Treat her well or else I’ll kill you slowly and painfully.” She said with a little grin just as a stool was pulled out from where a pink haired individual sat manspreading on the plush couch.

“Have a seat, cupcake, we don’t bite.” The girl smirked as she sat forward almost curiously. Also an American.

“I especially mean that towards you, Vi.” Caitlyn’s expression morphed into a glare as she watched me cautiously lower myself onto the seat like it was going to give out below me any second. “Oh, and this is Ellie- Ellie Williams. Also a fresher. Ellie, Mills, this is… Jinx, Ekko, Jesse, Dina, you obviously know Jayce, Abby-”

“Bitch.” Ellie mumbled underneath her breath causing my eyes to widen for the thousandth time as she took the open seat next to me. “She totally knocked my lights out during practice today.”

“You have to have at least one light on to have them knocked out, Williams.” The muscular woman stated as she brought a glass of amber liquid up towards her mouth.

“Wow, didn’t realize hockey rivalries on the same team were a thing.” Caitlyn fought back a laugh as she went to take an empty seat of her own.

“Oh you have no idea.” Ellie grumbled a bit to herself as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Williams? She yours?” Vi cleared her throat as she nodded in my direction.

“Who? Amelia? I-I mean I wouldn’t complain but we’re just friends.” She answered immediately causing Vi’s eyebrows to lift.

“So- no intense feelings you guys are harboring or anything?” She questioned again as she stole glances between the two of us.

“Unless there’s something she’s not telling me?” Ellie wondered with a lifted brow as she looked towards me as if in confirmation. And it was then I realized how tightly I was clutching onto her hand below the table.

It wasn’t as if the two of us hadn’t thought about it. It wasn’t as if I had spent a solid number of nights in her bed whenever things got really tough. Ultimately though we had decided what we had as best friends was far too intense or precious to fuck up over a relationship. And also just the sheer fact that dating somebody you met in a psychiatric facility disguised as a ‘wellness retreat’ was probably a bad idea.

“No, just best friends.” I answered in a small voice with a simple shrug.

“Okay, so you won’t mind if I buy her a drink then?”

“Careful Vi.” Caitlyn growled from her spot on the couch across from her.

“Ummm, can you buy me a song on the jukebox instead?” I asked, and to my surprise a series of impressed sentiments filled the table. My eyes only furrowed in confusion however as I peered towards Ellie or Caitlyn for help, “What?”

“Because Millie, that was smooth as fuck.“ Ellie answered almost drawing a little laugh from my end.

“Lucky for you, doll, I can buy you both.” Vi spoke as she held a bruised hand out for me to take.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel any butterflies blooming in my chest at her words. The feeling of my heart kickstarting as I placed my hand in hers and let her lead me towards the bar. Her hand was warm and rough in my own, calloused but not in the way Ellie’s were from the constant plucking on her guitar. They were calloused in a far more aggressive way. I should’ve known I was heading towards my own demise in that moment. Falling down a hole I’d lose myself entirely in. An electric pull on my heartstrings that kept me close to her.

Fuck, I should’ve known it was only the start.

A/N: I AM SOOOOO EXCITED TO GET THIS UP!!!! I wanna know all your thoughts!! Tell me everything!! I’m so so SO beyond excited to write more of this I’m screaming!!

Also- psa I know a ton of characters don’t talk/aren’t really in this one. I promise they will be further on! Just need to get an establishing shot first! 🖤

-> Next Part

[lsd-astronaut]

Books the LoTR characters would read:

First of all, a disclaimer: this is my own opinion and I will not care if you think otherwise. Second of all, I always gift books to my friends and family, and I've never got a complaint, so that has to count for something. I'm also putting some of my favourite books but that's just me of course ♡

Frodo:

Sloggiest classical high fantasy books you can find. Yknow these '90s fantasy books with like eleven books in a series, and each book is at least 500 pages long? He would love that.

I'm currently reading the first book of Crown of Stars (seven books baby), which is like an alternate fantasy medieval Europe, with lots of details and research done and it's super gritty and entertaining. Frodo would inhale that. The rest of the Fellowship are worried for him, they haven't seen him in days.

Sam:

Fantasy and poetry because he's cool like that.

Something not to complicated like Uprooted by Naomi Novik, and then he will surprise you by reading something super dark like Blood Over Bright Haven by M.L. Wang.

Also really likes literary fiction. Idk he strikes me as someone who would like reading about people's lives, and a plot where the action is less important than the characters evolution. Tried to read weird lit but didn't like that the main themes were rot and body fluids, it reminds him of Frodo during the Quest.

Merry:

I'm basing this on personal experience; but every time I see a cute guy either on the bus or on the Friday train, they'll be reading something like Marcus Aurelius' Meditations, or something by Hemingway, which does not strike trust, and it's a bit pretentious and on the nose. Like are you really reading Marcel Proust for fun? Be honest with me, my guy, you looked gay (for legal reasons this is a joke).

He likes non-fiction. Some of the books he has are Tristes Tropiques by Claude Lévi-Strauss; Folie et déraison by Michel Foucault; and he once even started talking about how he didn't really agree with Freud's Introductory Lectures on Psychoanalysis. The glare that the rest of the Fellowship gave him could have killed Sauron on the spot.

Pippin:

I doubt his AuDHD allows him to read anything really dense (or maybe he hyperfixates so badly that he reads one book in less than 12 hours who knows)

Graphic novels and comics are a must in his bookshelf! Eventually becomes a Marvel brainrot fan, to the dismay of everyone else, especially Aragorn who has to pay for the merch.

YA fantasy bc I'm taking into account his age. Percy Jackson hyperfixation and that's why he's gay now (again a joke)

Aragorn:

Romantasy but not of his own volition, he is just a really good partner, and Arwen seems to me like a romantasy girlie. Poor guy has been forced to read A Court of Thorns and Roses, and Fourth Wing, and Powerless. Put the limit at Colleen Hoover (not saying that Arwen likes her either, she just likes to make Aragorn suffer like a good gf). Will deny again and again to the rest of the Fellowship that he likes any of these books, and once even drew his sword at Boromir.

Legolas:

These random ass raunchy period romance books you find on your mother's bookcase just lying there and you read them out of curiosity and end up learning about things you should not be aware of yet, and they're not even written well but you can't stop reading. Chick lit, if you want.

Has read the Bridgerton books multiple times.

Gimli:

Science fiction. Gets really nerdy about alien invasions, but it's not like he believes in any conspiracy theory of course. Legolas barely understands what he's talking about half of the time but who cares when your boyfriend is that cute.

He loves and actually understands pretty well space operas. The Final Architecture trilogy by Adrian Tchaikovsky, and Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir are favourites of his.

Boromir:

Sports romance. HOCKEY. He just likes the whole "turn off your brain to enjoy this" honestly, he needs a break sometimes of course!

Read Vampire Academy out of curiosity and really liked it, though he does admit it and Faramir will act like he doesn't know him (it's actually a good saga I'm sorry okay)

Faramir:

This guy right here owns the entire Realm of the Elderlings book saga. It pains me to admit that he would relate a lot with Fitz.

Heartstopper by Alice Oseman because he's not dead inside, okay?

Éowyn:

Really basic sorry but she is a Hunger Games girlie through and through.

Actually, I feel she would like dystopian fiction a lot. Has watched Divergent (only the first movie, the rest are trash) with Faramir more times than she can count. Faramir gets cold sweats whenever he hears something that reminds him of the movie (he knows the dialogues by heart)

Éomer:

Yes, yes, I know Rohirrim don't read or write, BUT he would own all the Valdemar books by Mercedes Lackey. Why, do you ask? Well, purely because it's a fantasy series of mages that are Chosen by their Companions, which are white horses. And Éomer is a good ol' horse girl so what more could he ask for.

[wisteriagoesvroom]

📚 10 f1 fics i've loved lately 🏎️

been thinking a lot about how to organise fic recs into some sort of sensible post, 'cus there are so many (great!) pairings and (delicious!) driver combinations, not to mention so many varying styles of fic and SUPER TALENTED WRITERS!!111!!

just gonna list a bunch in no particular order, with accompanying pics, so you can get a sense of the vibes.

'cus what is f1 rpf but all about the ✨ vibes?! 🏁

p.s. people are in this community making amazing stuff for freeee!! if you liked these please leave a kudos or a comment, it makes a writer's day 🫡 

let's gooooo--

objects in the mirror by linearity (@drivestraight) charles/max. 87k words (series), rated t then e

listen. LISTEN! charles to rbr is one of the best premises ever and i will read it in like a thousand iterations. but this fic. this fic series in particular cleared my skin, made me want to cut my hair into a bob out of sheer emotion. i would be remiss not to start with this one because its impact on my f1 rpf trajectory should be studied by science. you know when a story just jumps off the page and it's so real that it becomes your canon. a kind of meteoric inevitability. plus, i almost never cry at fics. but by the time the third act of this one hit, i just went -- damn, am i rly about to tear up at a f1 rpf fanfiction rn? (yes.)

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sawtooth by nottonyharrison (@nottonyharrison) charles/max. 40k words, rated e

max as a f1 engineer? for CARLOS at FERRARI? sign me the fuckkk up. first off, awesome premise. there's always going to be something so heartwrenching about "what ifs", especially in any universe where max isn't a racer. despite the change of circumstances, just... the sheer poetry of two characters who just inexplicably find their way to each other in any universe... 🤧 also this story nails racing scenes in a way that's so visceral, i feel like a fly on the damn halo with them. and, aside from the gourmet lestappen, carlos's whole thing in this fic is joyous! spicy! he's so unapologetic and vaguely annoying! hilarious! + the swimming pool scene lives rent-free in my head.

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salt skin by peachbellini (@strawberry-daiquiris) oscar/lando. 12k words, rated e

this fic is magic. literally and figuratively. (MERMAID LANDO???? MERMAID LANDO.) the kind of story that makes you gasp and melt a little bit. and made me want to throw my phone at the writer, 'cause it's really that good. the yearning, the metaphor for all that's monstrous, a boy who is lost (and the boy who he finds, is equally so). this is just beautifully written and a little quirky and so well executed. i think i put it in my bookmarks as "what if lando was a mermaid and it was filmed by a24" or something. pearl of a story.

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hockey!! shrimp colors :) by leafmeal0ne (@ocontraire) oscar/lando. 13k words, rated t

leaf meal one. i have only known you a week but if anything were to happen to you i would wreck everyone in the room including myself. in all seriousness, anything that leaf writes is brilliant. they're one of these writers who could do a throwaway line on the label of a ketchup bottle and i will probably scream about it. the precision, the way they switch up sentence structures, the freaking darcy-level regency yearning transposed onto a contemporary sports setting. i'd rec all of leaf's sports AUs and i'll probably talk about more in a future fic rec post. BUT. the hockeyyy one my GOD. the barely restrained violence, their mutual desire, the theme of finding your place... *wails uncontrollably*

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you almost unearthly thing by anonymous max/daniel, 3.7k words, rated g

max is a governess(govern..lad?) and daniel is the mystery man at the manor. this was a response to a request i made in the kinkmeme! (if you haven't read those fics go check 'em out, there are so many great ones, and not necessarily all rated e). this is a criminally underrated little story that has my favourite repressed feelings + people dancing around each other + gothic vibes + "what the hell is wrong with y'all in this tale" combo that i really adore. it's really well written and captures the atmosphere so well.

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the so-called narrative by antimonyandthyme (@antimonyandthyme) oscar/carlos, 10k words, rated e

i'm once again asking why there are only 7 carlos/oscar works in the tag. I'M ONCE AGAIN ASKING-- *is sedated*. *jolts awake* okay but for real this is a great story. hot, fake-friendship-to-situationship which so happens is one of my favourite places to be. also hello miscommunication/they're so weird about it/they both want each other but can't express themselves for shit/insane racer boys energy.

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and silver, and samarium by pink_mink (@on-softs) george/toto, 5.2k words, rated e

i profess i am not usually the biggest fan of A/B/O (altho!! this fandom has made me go BUT ACTUALLY HM at least a few times). and this fic freaking nails it, along with the twisted power dynamics between TPs and drivers, as seen through the lens of omegaverse. this story rattles around my head like a stubborn ghoul just from the style and prose and sheer audacity alone. george kneeling at toto's knees while he's working..... ohhhhhhhhh i was this close to calling my lawyers.

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algorithm by anney (@badboy-george) charles/max, 16k words, rated e

i LOVE, LOOOOVE a sci fi concept alright. love that shit, will inhale it like moon dust with zero regrets. and what a fantastic one this one is!! the premise is that the FIA can now statistically show the compatibility of drivers on the grid and it's very pacific rim-y drift compatible, mixed with the surreal vibes of eternal sunshine or HER or some such. it should be outrageous, but it really works. that's the beauty of a great fic right there.

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trajectory of trojan asteroids by redpaint (@redpaint) nico/lewis, 3.3k words, rated g

also one of the fics i first read when i hopped on board the f1 rpf train. the pain and poignancy just gets worse the more i learn about brocedes. you know when you're like "there's no way this was reallll" and then you're like "fuck, it was so real". then you get a fic like this that just encapsulates all that rage and loss and grief and upset, set against the starry vista of endless space. *clutches tablecloth* god.

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p.s please bear in mind that these recs are entirely subjective! i enjoy loads of f1 stories but these are the ones that have especially stuck with me for some inexplicable reason.

p.p.s if your fic is on here and you want it taken off for whatever reason, i'm happy to, no questions asked 💛

BYE for now / until part 2. (i also love talking to ppl about fics so pls feel free to send an ask or hit me up in DMs or whatever.)

xoxo, -- wizz

[cluelessandsenseless]

Tim Laflour x Black sorority!girl

Tim and his sweet Sorority girl.

Once again opposites attract, blah, blah, blah..

He was a boy she was a girl..

He is a punk, she did ballet..yada, yada.

She’s a sorority girl.

Tim thinks she’s intimidating with her sorority sisters around every corner, greek life just was not for him.

Tim caught Y/N's eye.

Y/N sees Tim Skating around campus and in class almost everyday.

Tim sits behind her in their poetry class but we know he's only doing the class for extra credit so his attention is already divided.

When he has no idea what is going on he's looking at her.

She says Hi to him when he walks by her to get to his seat.

Y/N has a thing for Tim but doesn’t wanna make a fool out of herself by approaching him especially if any of her friends are around.

Y/N thinks she's not Tims type, she's wrong of course.

Tim thinks she’s too cute to be interested in him because he is a punk with a dozen piercings and she's has perfectly glossed lips and manicured nails.

He is going to shoots his shot anyway.

Tim isn’t great at poetry.

He asks Y/N to study together.

“Hey!.. Y/N, I was wondering if you wanted to study together sometime?..”

“Really?! I mean of course, yes.”

“You always look like you know what you’re doing in class.”

“Where should we meet? I would invite you to the Kappa house but it’s so busy. ”

“What about my place, I’ll pick you up from after my hockey practice tomorrow? Is 5:30pm too late?”

“No that’s perfect! I’ll see you tomorrow.”

"Bye."

Y/N has the sweetest smile on her face the entire time they're speaking and after.

Y/N puts on her cutest new outfit.

They study at his place because she lives with 20 other girls and the library is always so busy.

Y/N brings him specially homemade sweet treats.

He opens the door for them with his belly piercing.

They sit on opposite ends of the sofa books sprawled out between the two of them.

Tim can’t focus on studying because of Y/N.

She’s been reading the same line for 5 minutes because she can't make eye contact at first.

Y/N is so soft spoken Tim can tell she's nervous.

He try’s to cut the tension by asking her about herself.

They have a lot in common weirdly enough, she listens to the him talk about his piercings and they love the same foods.

“What is it like being in a sorority?”

“Oh, it’s the best! Most people think Greek life is all about stuck up and mean, but not everyone is like that.”

"you definitely aren't like that"

"Do you go to Greek Parties?"

“Yeah, it's not really my vibe scene tho. But see you out partying sometimes.”

“You go to our parties?”

“Yeah, sometimes”

“Are you coming to the Kappa house Saturday?”

“I might.. are you going?”

“Of course, I live there. so I'll see you there?”

"Definitely!"

Darryl thinks he walked into the wrong apartment when he sees Y/N on Tim's bed with all her things.

They don’t get much studying done that’s night.

Tim walks her back to the House.

Tim's seat moves forward in their poetry class so he can sit with her.

They walk to and from class together for the rest of the week.

They brush hands as they walk so close to each other.

Tim is so at the party on Saturday.

Y/N is surrounded by her sorority sisters when Tim enters with Darryl.

Tim hesitates to approach Y/N.

Y/N spots him and brings him a drink.

“Hey Tim! I got you a drink. I hope beer is okay!”

“Thanks it’s perfect. You look really amazing by the way.”

“Thank you, I thought I’d get something new since it’s the first sorority party of the summer!”

*she does a spin*

“Are you here with anyone?”

“Yeah I brought my roommate, Darryl. He went to get a drink.”

“Do you wanna come say hi, to the girls?!”

“Yeah.. yeah, I’m nervous. Is that bad?”

“You’ll be okay”

Tim knows the girls because a few of them date the guys on the hockey team.

The girls think Tim is interesting.. But nice.

Y/N and Tim move closer to each other over the course of the night , eventually his hand is on her lower back.

They talk about life and graduation plans for next year.

Tim loves your outfit.

He reaches his hand out for her and she leads them outside to dance.

They walk hand in hand to the dance floor.

Tim doesn’t know where to put his hands and settles with just above her hips.

Tim spins you and shows his off his worst moves.

Y/N wraps her arms around Tim's neck and he leans down so she can reach him.

They don't care what music is playing when they dance together.

They're looking into each others eyes.

Skip to the next time they see each other Tim has the biggest smile on his face when he walks into class and sees Y/N in her usual seat.

There is a spot right next to Y/N jut for him.

They're so close, smiling laughing, she's touching his arm.

They eat lunch together.

They're so pining for each other.

One of them is gonna make a move soon.

They would be talking and Y/N is leaned agains a wall and Tim is in front of her standing with his arm on the wall over her head.

They just look like a couple.

Tim kisses Y/N for the first time when they're studying together at sitting inches apart on his bed.

After that they're official.

Tim has his hands on Y/N, constantly holding her hand, or has his hands on her lower back.

Y/N dotes on Tim all the time, like after a hockey game she's waiting for him on the sidelines with a kiss and a Gatorade.

Y/N doesn’t like being cold so she’s always wrapped up in a sweater and Tim’s leather jacket at Hockey games.

Tim gives scary dog privileges and Y/N is just so baby girl.

Y/N stays the night with Tim at his Apartment.

Darryl will forever be surprised when he sees Y/N in his apartment.

Tim sneaking in to the Sorority house to stay the night with Y/N.

Y/n goes from being in her bonnet and cute little PJ sets to wearing Tim's Scrotum poles T-shirt.

Y/N probably falls asleep in Tim's arms and her head on his chest.

Y/N clings to Tim when he takes her to a punk club for the first time.

Tim calls Y/N "Baby"- it makes her heart melt.

Y/N calls Tim "Honey".

"Babe" is a favourite for the both of them.

Just so much love between them.

I don’t know what else to say. <3

Maybe a second part if I get more ideas.

Check out the rest of my blog. xxx

[goodnightoilcountry]

you must like me for me - quinn hughes (a sneak peek !)

a/n: another fic idea i've had in my head for ages ! i started writing it the other day when i was sick and it's currently at 3k words. i'm CONFIDENT that i'll smash this one out quicker than my aho fic so it's the only reason i feel like i can post a sneak peak. but also let me know if you have any requests or ideas you'd like me to write about - i'd love to hear from you 🤍

summary: twelve months since the incident and you're ready to let yourself re-emerge into the public eye in the form of a hockey game. the plan was simple: appear, smile, leave unscathed. easy, right?

The theory of fight or flight has always fascinated you. In the face of adversity, no matter how complex the situation, millions of years of evolution still dictate that humanity will always revert to its oldest survival mechanism: to either assert and neutralize, or: evade and withdraw. 

What you’ve come to learn is that there’s a third strategy nestled between fight or flight, often overlooked because of its passiveness in comparison to its overt counterparts: to freeze. 

And that’s the instinct you’ve found yourself falling back on time and time again. As if you’re hoping to blend into the very fabric of the environment where you can pause amid the chaos, weigh the risks, and soundly determine the best course of action. 

The downturn? 

You’re left vulnerable and exposed the longer you wait. 

But it’s a tactic that you’ve grown familiar with, and it’s the one that’s currently in motion. 

“You can’t do this to her, she isn’t ready.”

“It’s been over a year, we can’t let her hide forever.” 

The commotion of voices being thrown around surrounds you but you’re too swept up with the memories and emotions battling out in your head. They’re leaving you dizzy and disorientated. 

One year. Had it really been that long? God. It feels like one month since you first signed your contract in front of a roomful of lawyers and high-powered executives. Back then, you were too naively charmed by the golden promises of stardom and fame that they were selling you. Promising that your talent for lyricism, bordering on poetry, would resonate with the hearts of girls who all seemed to unanimously share the parallel experiences of all things love and girlhood. That you needed a team that could provide you with the right connections and the right opportunities to get you there. 

And to their credit, they didn’t fail you. As soon as you signed your contract, the label had you in the studio effective immediately with the release of “your” song debuting four weeks later. 

“But I didn’t write this and it doesn’t really sound like me…” 

“Don’t worry about it, honey. We just need to get you on the charts and then you can write about anything you want. Trust us - this is how it all works.” 

And trust them you did.

Your song topped the charts for twelve consecutive weeks. The events that took place after your overnight success were a whirlwind. You released a music video. You did media interviews. You collabed with DJs to release remixes. You performed as a guest on endless TV shows. And when you were done, you thought that you would finally be able to sit down with your producers to start developing the library of ideas and single-line lyrics you had swimming around in your head. 

But they had other plans for you in the form of a studio album, and then rinse and repeat. You felt like you were a human cannonball: shot out, forced to perform carefully curated tricks, and to always stick the landing. 

Your team had done everything they could to meticulously craft your image; selectively allowing journalists to access certain stories whether it be about your work or your life. You were America’s Darling. Until you weren’t. 

A sharp trill of your name grounds you back into reality. You blink and recompose yourself, finding the same four people you entered the boardroom with, staring expectantly back at you. Your mom, your manager, Megan, your publicist, Bec, and sat opposite you across the insanely large table is the VP of your label, Joe. Their expressions are ones you’ve grown used to: sympathetic and slightly defeated.  

“Sorry, what was the question?” 

Megan sighs and shifts slightly in her chair to meet your front. “Darling, I know how hard this year has been for you,” 

Do you? 

“But it’s time for us to come back out. We need to face this.” 

In all the years you’ve worked with Megan, she has never offered you such softness in her voice as she has now. As a manager, a female manager in this industry nonetheless, she had been nothing short of headstrong, sharp, and commanding. Her confidence and demeanour never wavered and, if you were being honest, you were thankful that she held you to the same standard as the rest of your team. It equipped you with a thick skin, something that you wouldn’t have survived your young career without. And it leaves you to wonder where you would be now without her to guide you through this situation. 

“Megan is right,” Joe says. “The world hasn’t forgotten, you know.” 

It comes out so matter-of-factly that it feels almost accusatory. 

“You’re not the first celebrity to be wrapped up in a scandal and you certainly won’t be the last.” 

That line is enough to make your mom snap into a fury again. 

“A scandal? She did nothing wrong,” she chastises. “What that boy did is not her fault.” 

Joe’s impatience is growing evident with every turn of the conversation. As warranted as your mother’s protectiveness is for this particular circumstance, her resistance was stopping one of his biggest artists from bringing in the label money. You can tell he's trying his best to level his demeanour but you also know that the higher-ups are breathing down his neck. He's balancing it as well as anyone could.

“This wasn’t just any boy. And your daughter is not just any girl. The reality of the situation is that just because she wasn’t responsible for what happened, doesn’t mean we can simply erase her from it,” Joe breaks, voice raising ever so slightly.

“She cannot keep silent on this anymore and the longer we stretch this out, the more intense the backlash will be upon her,” he presses on. “With all due respect, we have been extremely patient and have afforded your daughter twelve months. But this is a business first and there is a contract to be upheld. We are giving you the opportunity to write the narrative or have it forced to be written for you.” 

“He’s right,” Bec interjects. She’s always had a good gauge of when to step in when tensions start rising. It’s what makes her such a great publicist - always mediating at the right time. 

“But we don’t have to rush either. We can take it slowly. Start off with a public appearance in a controlled environment. 

The juxtaposition of that sentence could have made you laugh. Controlled environment? If the last few years had taught you anything, it was that no public appearance was ever fully in your control. Your phone number had been leaked more times than you could remember; the media showed up at your house at all hours of the night; private family events were invaded by obsessed “fans”. 

Your mom was quick to make the same connection, “where could we possibly let her go that guarantees her safety?” 

“The suite at MSG has their security system locked down to a tee. We could place her in there with a few friends and guise it as a quiet night out to show their support. Maybe work with the organisation to show her on the scoreboard during a break, totally candid of course, and maybe meet with their guest of the night for some fan engagement. We don’t want the public to misconstrue the appearance as a total cover-up.” Bec rattles off like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. 

Megan and Joe start nodding in agreeance, chiming in with additional tweaks to the plan that’s now been laid out, and it becomes apparent to you that they’ve had this meeting before without you. Your requested input and presence on the matter was just an act of courtesy. But as vexed as you are with this realisation, you know it makes sense. You were tired of the pitied looks your family and friends gave you, afraid to broach the subject as if it would send you into a spiral. You felt like the public owned you; shunning you into silence with all your actions picked apart and psychoanalyzed everywhere you turned. 

You missed your fans who called for you every day, writing sweet notes of encouragement and rebuffing shallow attempts of hate accounts concocting false stories. You wouldn’t be half the artist you are today without them and they deserved more than just radio silence. And it’s this last thought that makes you believe it’s the only reason you say:

“Just tell me when.” 

[skeelly]

"when im fat and old and my kids think im a joke"

hi!! welcome. i suggest putting a seatbelt on and i will pay for your therapy, dont worry. :)

☘ "hi, it's me. im the problem it's me.": im kristen! you can call me kristen or kris. minor. she/her. intp-t. ambivert. 🇵🇭. reader (sort of). notes app writer (sometimes). i could not care less about my dumb typos so deal with it. i suck at math. biiiiiggg ophelia wilde fan. delulu swiftie no.9273737277. rodrigoxpartidge's biggest supporter. claire rosinkranz is the reason for my existence. gracie abrams ily. "how long can we be a sad song?". im married to grayson hawthorne. mirrorball//tolerate it girlie 4 life. stromboli fan until the day i die. nick girlie by heart. pjo stan at this point. harry potter simp. hermione granger is my mother. sherlock and enola holmes stan. "no body, no crime". haylor (sorry not sorry). one direction is my life. FREE PALESTINE. kenji, my spirit animal. jude is so ughhhhh perfect. javery shipper cause jameson for avery, grayson for me :3. massive k!nye west hater so if you like him, please leave. but i love rap. certified professional procrastinator. capricorn (not a believer in those things though). i love reading poetry. correct grammar = non existent. i can (technically) fluently speak 3 languages. i can speak (basic, not much) about 5 languages?. piano enthusiast. very big sport girly (football *soccer. america football can kiss my toes. that sport sucks*, f1, volleyball, badminton, basketball, tennis and hockey fan). walker scobell is perfect and i love him. c²>>>>. sharl leclerc. max the axe. oscar paistry. ankara messi. sewy. leah is my bestie. dior is the best artist no cap. pookie nation frfr. charlie's luke is best luke. andrew is underrated. olivea is jusssttt.

☘ rappers i like//listen to: eminem, lil skies, ysbtril (does he count?), nicki minaj, doja cat (:3), cardi b (rarely), dominic fike (does he count? yk, melodic rap). tbh idk who else lol.

☘ all around favorite artists: taylor swift, olivia rodrigo, claire rosinkranz, gracie abrams, the weeknd, doja cat, lil skies, ysbtril, selena gomez (?), harry styles, niall horan, louis tomlinson, zayn, liam payne, one direction, clairo, conan gray, lana del rey, one republic, why don't we, the neighborhood, billie elish, ariana grande, abba, michael jackson.

☘ navigation?:

rambles: #kristenstedtalk

anything i don't proof read: #i didn't proof read this lmao

grayson hawthorne: #loml

cringe posts that idk why i posted: #/j or #post to delete?

asks: #askaroo or #ty for answering <3

sturniolo triplets: #stombolis

☘ follower count (as of march 20): 313 (im actually not sure lol)

☘ DNI: racists, homophobes, sexists and anyone that's ok with any form of discrimination

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼ 　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼ 　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

☘ safe space for: everyone lol

☘ my other accounts: @crysten my writing and other stuff @skeellymellows book rants (AAAH I CANT TAG)

☘ books/movies/series: harry potter, pjo, aggtm, tig, sherlock/enola holmes, little women, black beauty, tsitp, better than the movies. hp, pjo, enola holmes, tsitp, gilmore girls, gossip girl, mean girls, legally blonde, little women, hunger games (haven't read the books), marvel (barely lol), secretariat (my favorite :>>). tbh idk what else lol

☘ my people:

@stvrgirl111//@stvrlighhttt (mare) #maree

@urbanflorals (em) #walkers wife

@gergthecat (scouty) #evil batman sourdough guy #bread man #george

@mqstermindswift (quason) #nickyy

@nqds (NADS) #nads! or was it #NADS! ??

@reminiscentreader (JAS) #theworldneedsmorepeoplelikejas

@sophiesonlinediary (fifi) #fifi <3

@myster3y (kiaraah) #kiaraah

@regisdvmb(reggggg) ✶ @coco6420 (cocoo) ✶ @eddiethebanished (finn :)) ✶ @themidnightarcher ✶ @starchasers-stuff ✶ @what-about-wendy (wendy <3) ✶ @lucinda-008 ✶ @foaming-sea ✶ @lonelycatsblog ✶ @good-old-fashioned-lover ✶ @my-mind-is-frozen ✶ @dandelions-fly-in-summer-skies ✶ @baboland ✶ @blocked-zombieartist ✶ @sturn-wrld ✶ @swiftieannah ✶ @weeping-in-the-willows ✶ @s1xseasonsandamov1e ✶ @the-red-archer ✶ @svnflowermoon ✶ @helpimhopelesslyinlove ✶ @doyoujustnotwantto ✶ @atwtmvftvtvsgavralpsss ✶ @oh-whale13 ✶ @bonesofnixie ✶ @art-of-fools (stephanieee) ✶ @percabeths-blue-cookies ✶ @imthatweirdratinthecorner (a rat <3) ✶ @letmeseeallthefrogsinthecity ✶ @that-multi-fandom-hijabi (novaaa) ✶ @rachellelizabethhdare ✶ @sluttypoetsdepartment ✶ @kimu-dem ✶

[t00muchheart]

As I do when I am hyperfixating on something, I have read a LOT of supernatural fanfiction in the last few months, and I get a lot of the titles I read from other peoples’ recommendations or collections on ao3, so I figured I’d share some of my favorites in case anyone else is looking for recs :)

AUs:

Spirit of the West by teen_dean

This is a shock to literally no one who follows me because I regularly bring it up, but it honestly is one of the best things I’ve ever read. The 90s horse girl AU of your dreams (or, if you haven’t dreamed of one, that you never knew you needed). The storytelling is immaculate, the symbolism rich, and it only improves on re-reading

And this, your living kiss by opal_bullets

Poet Dean AU featuring genuinely beautiful comments on language and writing and how we encounter stories and words and what they can do, and also some honestly incredible poetry

where there is darkness by quiettewandering

Lighthouse keepers AU! this one is a bit mysterious and I did scream into a pillow after finishing it. If you know the story of the Flannan Isles lighthouse keepers, it is loosely inspired by that.

Phantasma by thisisapaige

Messy Dean, my beloved. Messy, Stanford-Era Dean, my beloved. Dean breaks off from John and buys a haunted house, and things sort of escalate.

For All You Young Hockey Players Out There, Pay Attention by thursdaysfallenangel

I don’t even watch hockey, but this AU kind of made me want to start. Rivals to friends to lovers all while dealing with the homophobia in the NHL

time has come today series by teen_dean

Team Free Will brings in teen Dean Winchester to help with a case, parallel worlds come into play; every version of Dean Winchester falls in love with Castiel & all the good stuff like that

What Baking Can Do by cowlovely

Baker & Dad Dean fic and Doctor Cas? What more could you ask for?

Everyone’s a Critic by Englandwouldfall

Food Critic Cas and Chef Dean meet in a truly unfortunate way. This is worth it for Cas’s reviews alone, but also the Dean-Gabriel dynamic

FROTUS by kathscradle

A President Cas, Restaurant Owner Dean romance that was honestly just a good time

Fix-Its:

take the bones, begin anew by JustStandingHere

This was one of the first fics I read and it is sort of peak disaster™ Dean Winchester. I love a good “I fixed up a house for you and didn’t realize it meant I was in love” fic and this one is iconic

i want to do with you (what spring does with cherry trees) by sobsicles

I ugly cry every time I read this fic. It is a run of Cas and Dean’s relationship in seasons 13-15 and has Dean making a friend and it hurts but also it’s so good. Maybe my favorite Sam line of any fic comes from this fic ("If he thinks what you two do is friendship, then I must just be some guy he happens to speak to sometimes.”)

break the skin (to break the barriers) by sobsicles

Dean gets tattoos, and as he does, he tells the tattoo artist his life story. This is a post-15x19 fic told from an outside perspective and it is so well-done

Dumbassery, Denial, Doing by sobsicles

Listen tbh this list could be dominated by sobsicles and so I am showing restraint by only including three of their works. Their Dean characterization is everything to me and this fic really highlights Dean growing to understand himself better when given the freedom to

Revisions by bizarrestars

THEE what if Dean and Cas got together earlier and Chuck just wrote it out? fic.

a turn of the earth by microcomets

I love a work that explores pre-series Dean, and this one is great. Basically, think what-if later seasons Cas and pre-series Dean met (Strandlines by aeli_kindara is another good example of this premise, but in Strandlines, it is pre-series Cas as well as pre-series Dean).

psalm 40:2 by unicornpoe

On a similar note, psalm 40:2 is a great pre-series Dean, future-Cas fic. I am a bi Dean believer but this fic did sway me toward the gay Dean camp because it’s simply so good.

You Belong Among the Wildflowers by ImYourHoneyBee

Dean fixing his relationship with Jack? You got it. Dean trying to work through losing Cas? Yep. Dean getting Cas back by being stubborn? It’s there.

Who You Gonna Call? by saintedcastiel

Dean has a ghost following him around as he tries to start a life post-series, and for a while, he can’t figure out what’s happening. I love nothing more than Dean telling people he and Cas were married because he doesn’t know how else to explain and this fic delivers so hard

quilts by fleeceframe

A “Cas didn’t confess before getting taken to the Empty” fic. Soft things all around

Miscellaneous:

Fathers & Daughters by sinnabonka

On a different note, this is one of my favorite Claire fics. It looks at Claire’s relationship with Cas and the impossibility of it, and it’s so artfully done.

Bus Loop Madness by batz_in_blue

Literally just a “what if everyone lived, Jack was a toddler, and they all picked him up from school?” AU. I audibly laughed while reading this, and it’s an essential pick-me-up from the heavier fics.

More of my favorite sobsicles fics include: gorging myself on you, still can’t get full (insatiable), and he’s back (with a mind of his own), six hundred sundays (and many more), oh sooner or later it all comes down to faith, things happen (they do, they do, and they do), according to all known laws of life, and profoundly bonded (by law)

Also, honorable mentions to Ninety One Whiskey, which is such a good fic, and Make a Believer Outta Me, which is a Hocus Pocus AU that is honestly just a fun time.

[nivannedyt4t]

was inspired by @grilde1chesse to make a resident evil headcanons post :p so here is that with some of my favorite characters :3 this is incredibly unorganized and bad, sorry in advance

this'll have leon, piers, ashley, mia, and wesker in it:3c

leon ; transmasc, he/him ; homoromantic & pansexual

- born in new york, grew up in boston (drives like a bostonian too (thank you to my irl friends for creating the bostonian leon headcanon))

- doesn’t cry often but when he does he’s an ugly cryer. leon was more sensitive as a kid but was forced to toughen up quick

- likes the the, the doors, crosby, stills, nash & young, nirvana… mostly 70s rock. likes mcr because of ashley

- has auburn hair naturally but is mildly embarrassed by this and dyes it

- hasn’t gotten top surgery as the recovery time would take too long for him

- absolutely a cat person. if he could he’d have five

- autistic & chronically depressed. very bad at socializing and yet a lot of his self esteem hinges on performing well in social situations

- often forgets to do basic things like eating or drinking water

- has always hated loud & bass-y noises but this was worsened after the events of re2

- bites his nails and cuticles as a self-regulatory/stress relieving behavior. starts painting his nails black after vendetta to try and combat this habit

- was on the field hockey team in his junior and senior years of high school

- has become somewhat of an older brother figure for ashley. she gifted him kandi soon after they got home from spain and he’s kept it safe ever since

- the plaga left behind some physical changes. this includes sharpened canines, a tapetum lucidum (eyeshine like a cat), and heightened hearing. leon dislikes these traits but hasn’t done anything to get rid of them for ashley’s sake

- his main love language is acts of service. he’s bad at talking people through things and prefers to just do instead of explaining himself

- leon’s commitment issues go craaazy. the only prolonged relationship he’s managed is with chris (or piers. or sometimes a polycule with both of them. yeah i’m a multishipper)

- gets sick a lot but it’s often mild enough that he powers through it or ignores it until it gets bad enough to put him on bed rest

- used to have a big appetite around the time he started t and was self-conscious about it as when he was younger he was a bit chubby. as he got older this has flipped to a certain degree, he doesn’t eat very much unless someone else made the food for him

- enjoys writing poetry but would rather die than share it with anyone

- has sensitive skin and an incredibly thorough skincare routine

- starts needing glasses around the time of re6 but refuses to get them for years

- retired matilda some time in the early 2000s out of guilt for "what he put her through"

piers ; transmasc, he/him ; mlm

- born and raised in northern minnesota

- was a complete tomboy before realizing he’s trans, actually

- loves fishing and archery (and dragging his friends out into the woods with him to do these activities)

- grew up on a farm, joined ffa and raised goats as a teenager

- gets emotionally attached to things very easily. this tended to be a problem during fair season as he’d always raise goats for meat pen

- sees the guns he uses as his peers, each of them have names and their own little personalities he attributes to them

- very short. like, 5’4. takes the piss out of it but is privately a little insecure about it

- a bit camera shy, as he ends up looking awkward in most of the photos he’s in

- dyslexic and has adhd

- really enjoys math. got in trouble during school multiple times for trying to help his friends when they struggled on tests

- big fan of dogs. grew up with shelties

- left-handed

- broke his arm four times throughout the course of his time in elementary school

ashley ; cis, she/her ; bi

- born in upstate new york, moved multiple times throughout her childhood

- was a scene kid (pretty much canon but i love this about her). huge fan of invader zim and made leon watch all of it with her

- born in 1989 (this is for the sake of a crackship and also so some of my other headcanons make a little more sense. this makes her like 15 or 16 in re4)

- obsessed with warrior cats, asked for the new books that’d come out each year for christmas five years in a row

- has “childish” interests unashamedly and makes sure everyone knows

- collected beanie babies when she was younger, held on to most of them into adulthood

- decorates everything with rhinestones. so many rhinestones

- she loves getting dressed up just for the fun of it. transitioned into a more himekaji-esque style during college

- ashley actually really likes what the plaga did to her physical appearance, namely the sharp canines. her parents were. mildly mortified

- loves sailor moon. her favorite character is luna

mia ; transfem, she/her ; bi and aroacespec

- born and raised in texas

- born in 1987 (see the explanation in ashley’s section)

- goth during high school and college

- loves strawberry switchblade

- she’s scared of birds after a goose attacked her when she was six

- mia enjoys the macabre and collects leather-bound horror anthologies

- has bpd and ocd. she’s incredibly concerned with her own morality and constantly fears that she’s a bad person

- does watercolor painting in her free time. she doesn’t think anything she creates is very good, but holds onto them because ethan loved her art

- so so protective of her friends and family to an overbearing degree. this ends up pushing people away, which is the opposite of what she wants

wesker ; transmasc, he/him ; aroace

- thinks listening to music is a waste of time and focus. enjoys a few instrumental jazz standards in private

- autistic. doesn’t get why people don’t view things exactly the same way he does and is incredibly frustrated by it

- keeps his hair slicked back because he hates when he can feel it touching his forehead

- sensitive to bright lights

- gets headaches very easily and has chronic migraines

- genuinely passionate about virology

- likes bugs and had a collection of mounted moths and beetles during the s.t.a.r.s. era

[universallydestinytaco]

Even More Silly and Irreverent SF Headcanons

Warning: This glorified shitpost contains a heavy dose of MLM (Morons loving Morons)

EDIT: So apparently in the Spanish Dub for SF Charlie's girlfriend is named Zoey and I made this post before that info became more well-known and prior I dubbed her as Susan....Zoey is a cute name OMG

This one time Charlie, Dj Spitz, Glep, Mr. Frog, Jennifer, Shrimp and one reluctant Alan all decided to spend one April Fools day split into street gangs competing to see who could prank the most people within 24 hours before everyone involved was tossed in the county jail until Pim and a pissed off Zoey had to bail them all out the morning after.

Simon S. Salty tried to bribe his way into the Pearly Gates of Heaven with coupons at his shoddy restaurant but God was so offended by the mere idea of eating his slop that he told St. Peter to press the big red button to open the trapdoor under Salty’s feet to H-E-double hockey sticks so he can go peddle his 2-bit McDonalds knock off to those who truly deserve it. Eat up Satan ya big red loser!!!

Pim is actually much stronger than he looks, he can open pickle jars with one turn of the wrist and he can carry Charlie over his head while running a mile without breaking a sweat (or his spine for that matter).

Charlie bamboozled the entire internet by editing The Mr. Frog Show wiki by adding fake episodes with a source that lead to the famous RickRoll video, only for everyone to read him the riot act when he accidentally exposed himself. Hah! That idiot.

One hot summer day Glep spat on the sidewalk and the spit droplet just sizzled and evaporated into steam….from that point onward Glep has been trying to convince his co-workers that he can literally spit fire and when trying to prove such a claim he spat into Charlie’s coffee.

Pim and Zoey had to bail Charlie out of jail once again for attempted murder (See the HC above for the reason why).

Mr Boss was cursed into turning into an owl beast in his sleep and he has to take a potion once a day to keep him normal, hence why he was freaking out at the end of S2E1.

Alan wears a skin-tight red jumpsuit under his neck and tie and underneath all that he has goofy-print boxers with a smiley face patch on the seat.

Pim is still friends with Jennifer even after the initial mix up when he introduced her to Shrimp. She gives him special “Thank You” coffee and treats in the house every year on her and Shrimp’s anniversary.

Smormu does makeup tutorials and travel vlogs on YouTube.

Charlie found out that Pim and Susan both crush on him and decided: “Why not?” Thus was the beginning of a beautiful polycule.

James what super jealous and was ready to reap his revenge until Charlie pulled a Saitama and punched James in the nose so hard that he whimpered away like a pitiable little biyatch!!

Glep, Pim and Smormu went to Miku Expo cosplaying as The Triple Baka Squad (Pim called dibs on Miku).

Alan attends Beatnik Poetry Night with Glep on the bongos.

Smormu started dating Dj Spitz and lemme tell ya he is VIOLENTLY protective of her, Whoever killed Canon!Smormu wouldn’t stand a chance against this guy.

[i-think-too-loud]

saw this and agree with everything, but also…reg being the exact opposite?

some silly little thoughts i need to get out of my head before they consume me

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|

V

-never gets caught pranking people because he’s convinced a detention is the worst punishment in the world (knows even one mistake would give his parents enough reason to disown him, too)

-smells like lavender (bc of the hc that he needs sleeping potions to be able to sleep and not have nightmares) and coffee and maybe flowers

-hates fire and will sit as far away from it as possible even if he’s shivering soooo badly (hc that he used to love sitting in the rain and swimming before the whole cave incident and he’d come into the common room soaking wet and shivering and still refuse to sit near the fire) (evan and dorcas mother-henning him bc they’re genuinely concerned with this habit)

-his day will go absolutely horrible if he doesn’t make his bed in the morning or his schedule gets interrupted (is he on the spectrum? probably)

-he and panda (all the skittles really)smoke all of the time, r does it because he has Anxiety and it calms his nerves

-was a big fan of Poe and Dickens and all kinda of muggle authors (he’d sneak out of Grimmauld when he was little and buy books from muggle shops. he just never got caught or told anyone, unlike Sirius who was very vocal about it) (he also borrowed some from Remus or Lily at times)

-also learned about love and marriage from watching his parents and for the longest time didn’t think love actually existed and that it was only a tale for children (like the tooth fairy or something) (forgot until editing this that Cupid exists, so he probably assumed it was a story like that with the love arrows)

-i don’t know many 70’s bands but he would have LOVED lana and conan, i’m convinced. (J would be such a swiftie tell me i’m wrong)

-doesn’t smile much but when he does it’s absolutely perfect (j absolutely melts when he sees it. R knows this and will absolutely use it to his advantage)

-doesn’t doodle but he writes poetry, often in the margins of book or on scraps of paper or whatever is closest to him. sometimes he’ll just lean over to james/panda/barty/whatever love interest you hc him with and scribble a little poem on their arm or hand just so he can get it out of him (see: Non-Stop from Hamilton)

-usually only wears black or green in public (but secretly loves when he and j are in private and he gets to wear all of j’s clothes, which are so loose and colorful and the complete opposite of the ones his parents allow him to be seen in)

-doesn’t dislike mcgonagall, but hates how pushy she can be about him joining ECs or whatnot (also hc that r, who’s favorite subject was potions and would even brew in his spare time, used to help make healing potions or sleeping droughts and whatnot for Pomfrey since she was always busy and never have time) (he would never admit it to anyone where he was going everyday when he was brewing them, though) (probably also how he realized Remus was a werewolf was because he was always around the infirmary helping out) (r would have been a healer in another life. one where he wasn’t expected to harm instead.)

-wouldn’t like most muggle sports (hates the rich people ones like golf or tennis but also hates how violent hockey or football could get) but he’d like ice/figure skating and ballet, and he would LOVE music (not so much listening to it, that’s j’s thing, but playing it. the piano or the violin, maybe. something delicate and pretty and requires precision)

-gay. the gayest little guy you’ve ever seen. (he and panda/dorcas tried hooking up just once while they were Realizing and it was so embarrassingly awful they both decided never to mention it again)(also Reg and barty/remus being fWb because….well, bc i said so)

[cowboybrunch]

writerly questionnaire tag!!!

finally getting around to this, thanks a million @the-golden-comet (here) @harmonic-melodii (here) and @fortunatetragedy (here) <3

About You

When did you start writing?

as soon as i could hold a pen. i have notebooks FULL of little me's stories (i keep everything ive ever written. for nostalgia.) it was mostly silly escapism for a lonely child but now it's sweet to look at and giggle. from when i was maybe eight? nine?: "Pain and fear, like a perfect recipe. Pain and fear, milk and eggs"

Are the genres/themes you enjoy reading different from the ones you write?

mmm probably. when i say ill read anything, i mean ill read ANYTHING. i dont think ill ever write a hockey romance but im down to clown

Is there an author (or just a fellow writer!) you want to emulate, or one to whom you’re often compared?

poetry-wise Bhanu Kapil has been a massive inspiration for me. also Kaveh Akbar and Ariana Reines (Mercury sits in a place of honor on my bookshelf). for novels? i feel like i emulate whatever i last read. Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver did horrible (affectionate) things to the way i write

Can you tell me a little about your writing space(s)? (Room, coffee shop, desk, etc.)

my office! my favorite place in the world!! cozy lights (that double as gamer lights), diet coke can graveyard, comfy office chair big enough for me to sit in a way that absolutely destroys my posture. sticky notes everywhere (a fun challenge! can i read my own handwriting?) AND!! i have an audience

What’s your most effective way to muster up some muse?

reading something else, talking to someone about whatever im stuck on, setting a timer and just dumping everything in my brain (something in there HAS to be worth pursuing)

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

HA!

Are there any recurring themes in your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

overbearing parental figures that believe they're acting in the best interest of their kid... surprising when i realized that it's in almost everything i write characters that are good at heart but commit atrocities due to their circumstances... less surprising oh! and death. i write a lot about death (someone pointed this out recently and i was like huh. you right)

Your Characters

Would you please tell me about your current favorite character? (Current WIP, past WIP, never used, etc.)

Missy and Theodore staring at each other like

sorry! Theodore is my favorite!! he got here first!!!! he's my precious loser baby boy who HAPPENS to be the heir of death but he's trying his best! he's pathetic!! he's doomed!! but he means well! he doesn't want anyone to die alone! he wants to be good! he wants to be good soooo bad!! he hates rivers but loves the ocean!! he lies to everyone, including himself! he's simultaneously full of self-loathing and self-righteousness!! AND... he's bisexual!!

Which of your characters do you think you’d be friends with in real life?

i would kick it with Robbie for SURE. snarky little smarty pants that can't sit still for more than five minutes, we'd be peas

Which of your characters would you dislike the most if you met them?

*looks around nervously* ... Marcella (BOO!! TOMATO!!) im sensitive and she would be mean to me!! i feel like we'd warm up to each other eventually but not before she made me cry

Tell me about the process of coming up with of one, all, or any of your characters.

they just kinda... show up. and reveal more about themselves as i write them

Do you notice any recurring themes/traits among your characters?

ougffff. lots of anger in these parts. most of my characters are angry, esp the women. as they should be

How do you picture them? (As real people you imagined, as models/actors who exist in real life, as imaginary artwork, as artwork you made or commissioned, anime style, etc.)

depends on the character! for main guys, they get listed descriptions but i cant picture them in my head (thank you picrew). but others? they're like. blurry shadows moving through the story (do NOT ask me what Uriel looks like! i DONT KNOW!)

Your Writing

What’s your reason for writing?

words in brain make story in head. need story out of head so i can focus on literally anything else no but seriously. that quote that's like "the only thing worse than writing is not writing." it's like. a maintenance activity. if im feeling especially wound up it's probably because i havent written anything lately

Is there a specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers?

if you leave me ANY comment i am kissy you on the forehead. just knowing that someone read it let alone enjoyed it... waoh

How do you feel about your own writing? (Answer in whatever way you interpret this question.)

i am... trying very hard not to fall into self-deprecation here. i think there are things that i do well and things that i can improve on, but even if i write something and think it's "bad" i can still learn from it. all practice is good practice!!! (said through gritted teeth)

If you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?

yea! i would find comfort in it i think, same way i do now. have my little characters for company

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? If it’s a mix of the two, which holds the most influence?

i am my own target audience. i am the conductor of the self-indulgence train but there's room aplenty if you wanna hop on

tag! @illarian-rambling @writingrosesonneptune @sarandipitywrites @mrbexwrites @mysticstarlightduck and a wide open tag if you havent done this yet. gimme a peek into your brain!!!

[delurkr]

Anne and James and sibling OCs in 1948

1948 being the year Anne and James married. Penelope is Anne's sister, and everybody else is James's family.

Cropped sections are further down. There's some connections from @108garys 's Super Massive Family Tree that play into everything (here's their portrait of older Penelope), and I'll leave it to them if they want to refresh everybody on the details. (Edit: 108garys gave lore in the notes). Some of the OCs have more lore than others, but I'm not getting into it here or doing deep dives about personalities and all that, so I just stuck together very non-deep little likes/dislikes/favorite activities lists for everyone. But first some notes on the art:

I went for a balance between dressy and casual, so most of these wouldn't be everyday outfits but none of them are formal either.

Nobody has naturally curly hair. Shirley has a perm, and Anne and Penelope use only curlers. (Unlike the other two, Penelope doesn't curl it every day).

If Anne's dress looks piecemeal that's because it is. Around 1948 was when women's fashion was transitioning from shorter wartime styles (minimum fabric) to longer hemlines, but ofc most women didn't just toss out all their old clothes, so the new things they bought were in the new style, while they also continued wearing what they had and sometimes altered their shorter things in various ways. The white border on Anne's dress is a recent addition, and so is the embroidered pocket because big pockets were also fashionable and it was intended to make the border look more like it belongs.

Shirley uses a brace, a built up shoe, and sometimes a cane due to effects from having polio when she was very young.

Bob has been in the U.S. Army for four or so years and he's currently a corporal. If part of his uniform is inaccurate then oh well because there were some details I just wasn't finding clear answers on (do point it out if you know something that's wrong tho). Also that's his hat he's holding in case it's hard to tell.

Ok now for the other stuff:

Anne, age 17 -

Likes: Dancing; recycling; Frank Sinatra music (don't spread it around); telephone party lines; the scratchy sound of crossing things off her to-do list.

Dislikes: Noisy children; poetry; men's cologne; bleached blonde hair; house pets; wrinkled clothes; rain on her hairdo; complainers; people with bad posture; anonymous love letters; being late; people who are late; unraked leaves; these peasants (most of the boys at school); being told she's too opinionated.

Favorite activities: Growing plants, mostly flowers; taking the mick out of James ❤

Penelope, age 8 -

Likes: Bicycling; puppies; reading, mostly fairytales; sticky sweets; movie stars.

Dislikes: Mud; talking to strangers; not having had her first kiss yet; never getting the lowdown after Anne's dates.

Favorite activity: Eavesdropping on the phone party line with Anne.

Shirley, age 24 -

Likes: Card games; chickens; picnics; reading; red on just about anything.

Dislikes: Snow; frogs; Bob; the sound of her own voice.

Favorite activity: Canoe rides to read on the open water. Her preferred victims to accompany her are James (she'll use her oldest-sibling authority for as long as she can) and whoever she happens to be dating (is that a weird date? idk but she calls it a no-go with a guy if he can't handle the quiet time).

Bob (Robert), age 22 -

Likes: Arm candy; being outside; cheating at card games; beer; animals, especially wildlife; pulling practical jokes on April 2.

Dislikes: Peas; serious conversations.

Favorite activities: Hunting; chasing women. (These things are not connected).

James, age 19 -

Likes: Holidays; history; picking dumb arguments; playing hockey when the pond freezes over; reading; PDA with Anne ❤

Dislikes: Waiting; hand-me-down clothes; being called Jimbo; having glasses.

Favorite activity: Finding money on the ground.

Clarence, age 11 -

Likes: Pocket knives; pirates; model train sets and dollhouses type stuff.

Dislikes: Surprises; hugs; getting up early; "old" people; getting his picture taken (that one's partly a joke, because I accidentally drew him looking a little moody for no reason).

Favorite activity: Fixing appliances and things around the house (under supervision because "fixing" is a bit of an overstatement. He can take things apart but has yet to learn how to properly put them back together).

Kathy (Katherine), age 7 -

Likes: Parties; collecting things; Brothers Grimm-style fairytales; terrible creature horror B movies.

Dislikes: Bugs, especially bees; nightmares from the terrible creature horror B movies.

Favorite activity: Poking dead animals. Trips to the butcher and dead mice found in the attic are her lifeline for now until she starts doing dissections in school. She definitely doesn't store said mice under her bed in jars she stole from the kitchen.

~~

Cool so now that everyone is sufficiently grossed out I'll leave it here for now 😊 Stay tuned I guess because sooner or later I'm going to follow this up with the three youngest when they're older, around 1959 because that was a happening point in time for them. And lastly, 108garys is free to hate anything I wrote because we share the OCs but I consulted them on very little of this lol.

[hockeyspiral23]

Like … fuck. I have gotten three comments so far that have made me cry (IN A GOOD WAY). Two have been on The Backup Plan and two have come from @canadian-confusion. Like fuck. 😭🥰🥹❤️

Also, it got me thinking … mostly about TBP love. Listen, I’m proud of that 15k behemoth. But I think what I’m mostly proud of is how I can tell my writing has grown since I first picked it back up in May.

I used to write. All the time. Short stories. Longer stories. Song parodies. Poems. It started dying off in college, and then died off completely after.

(I should give the caveat of fiction writing, as I did work as a hockey writer for several years.)

Poetry and a bit of microfiction were the only things I kept up sporadically through the years.

Then the Empyrean hit, and the fanfic, and my brain finally started to whisper at me, after being dormant for so many frustrating years. And I chose to do it pen and paper, to prevent me from getting stuck obsessively editing the same thousand or so words before ever moving on.

I can tell the growth of my writing even over the course of viayn - I hope that people can tell too, over the 6-8 weeks I spent writing it. It’s definitely evident in TBP, which went from random idea to published story within two weeks. I’m not entirely pen and paper anymore because the notes app has served the same function (and I can read it a fuck of a lot better than my scribbles …), but I’m proud of myself.

And anyone who writes should be proud of themselves, too. Write for you. Write the story you want told. Understand your barriers and write in a way that will get around them.

[indefenseofkara]

MWII Operator headcanons: Specgru edition

Hello! I think the multi-player operators deserve more love, so here are some headcanons for the base Spegru team. This doesn’t included people who were in the campaign because there’s plenty of stuff about them already. The pictures are just screenshots of my game, lol.

Jesus “Chuy” Ordaz

(the COD blog post I’m getting some of these full names from says his first name is Manuel, but his bio says Jesus?)

has terrible handwriting

but as my poetry instructor once said, “the worse the handwriting, the better the work”

and he does write poetry

been through a lot, but still a romantic at heart

really great with kids

Gustavo “Gus” Rodriguez

you could not pay this man to shave his mustache

once he grew that mustache, he knew he could never go back

looks like a literal baby when shaved clean, like people will start asking "who let that preteen in here?"

really proud of his career and the fact that he gets to work with Special Forces since he’s not military (because technically there was no military for him to join)

will not bring up surfing, but has a bunch of cool surfing videos ready to go at a moment's notice. you know, just in case

Zhiqiang “Zimo” Wong

precious bean, i love him

cinnamon roll but serious

doesn't mean he can't be brutal, he is a soldier

kind of intense overall, which intimidates some people

really cherishes platonic relationships

movie buff who might smack you if you say you don’t watch foreign films because you don’t like reading subtitles

Kleópatros “Kleo” Gavras

(fuck, I accidentally deleted my notes on her. :( I’m sorry Kleo, I have to wing it!)

likes to dress up. will put on a whole fit and makeup just to hang around the house every once and a while

it's a nice contrast to her usual military get up

good at every sport

also very good a chess

Nila “Nova” Brown

really great eyesight

misses flying, tbh. jumps at the chance to do some piloting for a mission

seriously considered becoming an astronaut

worked with Kortac briefly, but changed to Specgru as soon as her initial contract was up

(that one’s a deep dive for anyone who remembers that she was a Kortac operator during the beta)

Sobiesław “Gromsko” Kościuszko

Polish pride (idk, everyone I know who is Polish or has Polish heritage is very proud of that)

plays some quirky instrument like the accordion or keytar or hurdy-gurdy

uses reading glasses

knits. while wearing the reading glasses. looks like a literal grandmother

Enzo “Reyes”

will never admit it as a proud Canadian, but he doesn't like hockey

a Swiftie

flirts with everyone

pansexual, so no one is safe

(that's a joke)

(I'm not trying to do the "bi/pan people are sluts" thing)

(I just think this man is attractive and charismatic)

(and wants to share that with the world)

(blame the Valentine's day skin)

Tse “Luna” Míngzhū

really amicable

will actually hit you up after saying "we should hang out some time!"

loves attending sporting events and cheers very loudly

it's not mentioned in her bio, but she grew up in Virginia, near Washington DC, so 9/11 probably had a big impact on her and her career choice

(pulling on my own experience for that one)

(not job experience, but growing up in DC suburbs when 9/11 happened experience)

lots of frustration with generic military gear because it's all way too big on her

Thanks for reading! My Kortac headcanon post can be found here.

[laurenairay]

gotta trust how you feel inside - J. Skinner

Summary: Jeff Skinner had never met anyone like Cameron Marlow before. Turns out, he had a lot to learn.

A story of accepting someone for who they are, as well as accepting yourself.

This is my entry for @wyattjohnston​’s summer fic exchange 2k23, for @nhl-stories​! I decided to do something a little different than I’ve ever done before, based off of your prompts and answers to my questions, so I really hope you like this. I researched so many articles and blog posts and videos on coming out and acceptance and all the different ways people have felt and reacted in their own journeys, so I really hope I did Cam’s story justice. Also heavily inspired by Mae Martin and their wonderful self!

Warnings: angst, slow burn, friends to lovers, fear of coming out as non-binary, change of pronouns part-way through.

Words: 4.8k

Title from Green Eyes by Arlo Parks.

Thank you to @tippedbykreider​ for being a wonderful beta reader!

Some of these folks wanna make you cry, But you gotta trust how you feel inside, And shine, and shi-ine, yeah, yeah, yeah.

~

“Jeff! Pizza or tacos?”

“Tacos please!”

“On it!”

Jeff smiled to himself as his neighbour Cameron disappeared from her balcony, back into the apartment below his. Their Friday night tradition of take-out and movies – whenever he was in town, that was – was something he treasured. Most of his teammates over 30 years old had a wife and kids at home for their Friday nights, but not Jeff. Maybe it was something that bothered him a lot when he was younger, not having someone to come back home to like everyone else seemed to, but since he’d been traded to Buffalo, it was something he was learning to let go of. There were plenty of other things in his life, plenty of other people, to fill what society deemed him missing, and he appreciated all of them. Loved all of them.

Cameron Marlow included.

She had been a breath of fresh air when he’d first moved into their shared apartment building back in summer 2018. Single, like he was, and only a year younger, so at least he didn’t feel completely out of place. And she was an introvert much like he was slowly growing into, meaning he didn’t have to put on a fake extroverted energy all the time, didn’t have to be ‘on’ 100%. The two of them bonded over just wanting someone to hang out with sometimes, someone who wouldn’t judge a depleted social battery. He knew that her work was intense, that she was damn good at her job too, and that the hyper-focus she had to have on all the time during her workdays left her pretty drained by the time she got home, much like hockey sometimes left him socially inept, so he appreciated having her as a friend he could just be himself with.

It didn’t hurt that she was blonde, blue-eyed, and completely & utterly beautiful. But that wasn’t something he wanted to think about right now. Cameron was so out of his league it wasn’t funny. Her intense corporate work aside, she was so interesting as a person that he barely felt like he could keep up. She was part of a book club, reading fiction about all kinds of different topics that he barely understood, leaving him feeling like more of a dumbass every time he attempted to follow along. She always volunteered during Pride month at the parade, making sure teenagers felt safe and secure and hopeful. She introduced him to plays and movies and poetry readings that he never would’ve thought of going to. He tried to keep up with her, loving the time they spent together too much not to, and it always seemed like she appreciated it anyway.

At least her dating life was as much of a disaster as his was. That was always something he could console himself with. Her type seemed to be tall blonde beefcakes, typical douchey gym bros, and every time a series of dates ended with the two of them eating ice-cream on one of their sofas, Jeff felt their friendship bond grow just that little bit more. He knew that his friendship with her was one of the best and closest and most genuine friendships he’d ever had, and over the past five years he’d grown to cherish it over anything else.

Cameron Marlow was in his life to stay, and there was nothing he ever wanted to change about that.

“Alright, tacos should be here in 30 minutes. Do you have beer?”

“Of course, I’m not a heathen,” Jeff scoffed.

Cameron just laughed, blonde waves swinging over her shoulder as she shut his apartment door behind her. She was dressed similar to him, tank top and sweatpants with fluffy socks, and she wasted no time in pulling her hair back in a messy bun after passing him a beer and sitting down next to him on his oversized sofa.

By the time their tacos arrived – Jeff went down to the lobby to pick them up, of course – Cameron had all but sunk into the sofa, all tension disappearing from her body. It was a good look for her, to be honest, peaceful and relaxed and content. And the fact that it was in his apartment that she was able to feel this way? Well, that meant everything to him.

However, by the time they’d finished eating, Cameron had flicked through her phone a few times, and a frown had grown on her face, her body a line of stiff tension again. He didn’t think it was because of him – he knew he hadn’t said anything out of the ordinary to her – but it still concerned him all the same.

“You look like you’ve got a lot on your mind,” Jeff said, “Want to talk about it?”

“I don’t know if you’d want to hear it?”

Jeff found himself frowning as he shook his head. Why would he not want to hear what she had to say?

“I always want to hear what you have to say? Why would I not?”

Cameron seemed to hesitate for a moment, eyes filled with something that he couldn’t read. Despite their five years of friendship, there was still so much he didn’t know about her, he knew that much. But why would she think he wouldn’t want to know what was bothering her?

“It’s just…okay, so you know I’m part of a book club, right?” Cameron blurted.

“Yes.”

He didn’t have a clue where this was going, but he was just going to roll with it. The book club met every other Sunday, he knew that much.

“Well we’re reading I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver, and naturally the conversation turned political,” Cameron started.

“As it would, sure,” Jeff nodded.

He didn’t know if it would be rude to pull out his phone to google what the book was about while she was talking, so he just decided to wait to see if she would explain.

“And like, a few of the group can relate to the main character Ben’s struggle, right? Coming out as non-binary to his parents only to be immediately kicked out of the house, so the topic was pretty personal for some of my friends…”

So that was what the book was about. Huh. He could only imagine how difficult that kind of situation would be. And Cameron said it had also happened to some of her friends? Damn.

“…and with the political climate right now, things just got so heated. As it would.”

“As it would,” Jeff agreed.

Well, not that he actually knew much about the political climate around gender. It was gender she was talking about, right?

“Gender is always an emotionally difficult topic,” he said, hedging his bet.

“Exactly!” she nodded.

Oh good, he’d gotten it right.

“The discussion is still bothering you though?” he prompted, eyes flicking to the phone she’d put down on the coffee table.

“Well, yeah, because New York still has so far to go in terms of making things equal for non-binary people. Like, shit, it took until late 2021 for driving licenses to get non-binary options on, and even now official government departments might not have options for all forms until 2024!”

“That seems unfairly restrictive?” Jeff said, frowning.

“It is! And of course, it’s started so many debates and discussions from hate groups and just generally horrible people about whether any of it should even be allowed. Like, what the fuck? All these absolute fuck-up debates about non-binary recognition, how non-binary people are basically invisible, it makes me so mad! How is it okay that a tiny group of people decide that I don’t exist?”

As she wound herself up angrier and angrier, Jeff froze slightly at Cameron’s words. That I don’t exist.

I.

Not they.

Cameron was talking about herself.

No, if Cameron was talking about herself then that would mean she was non-binary…

Whatever was showing on his face made Cameron stop in confusion, before absolute horror flooded her expression.

“I mean, I, heh-”

Cameron cut herself off with a whimper, eyes desperately darting around like she was looking around for an exit from his apartment, and in that moment, Jeff’s heart broke a little. Cameron was trying to get away from him, because she was scared of his reaction. Scared of him. That was the last thing he ever wanted.

Jeff swallowed heavily, before smiling lightly. “I can’t imagine you ever being invisible. No-one should ever make you feel that way.”

The tears that filled Cameron’s eyes caused Jeff to panic slightly. Had he said the wrong thing? Had he ruined their friendship? Had he ruined…everything else?

“Fuck. Fuck, that wasn’t how I ever wanted it to come out,” Cameron murmured, “You don’t hate me?”

The last few whispered words broke his heart all over again. Jeff quickly shook his head as he put his beer down, taking Cameron’s hands in his.

“I could never hate you. I may not understand much about what you’re going through. Like, as a non-binary person. But I could never hate you, okay? You’re still Cameron to me,” Jeff said firmly.

Because it was true.

He might not know much about what it meant to be non-binary, or understand Cameron’s struggles, but the fact that she was scared he would hate her said all that he needed to know. Cameron was still his friend, still the same person he’d always known – he just knew a little more now, that was all, right?

Cameron bit her bottom lip for a moment, seeming to hesitate about something, so Jeff just squeezed her hands reassuringly.

“Actually, I prefer just Cam,” Cameron said.

“Okay. Okay, Cam it is,” Jeff nodded.

“And they/them pronouns,” Cameron added.

Cam.

They/Them.

Cam. They/Them.

He could absolutely do that.

“Cam. They/Them. Got it,” Jeff said firmly, still smiling.

Cam seemed to hesitate for a moment again, looking confused now.

“Just like that? You have no questions or reluctance or anything?” Cam asked, frowning.

“Well, no? Not really? I mean, you know yourself better than I do, right? So if you tell me that you won’t be using she/her any more then that’s not my choice? It’s you and how you are in yourself. It’s only right that I follow what you need,” Jeff said, frowning in response, “Is that not okay? I know I’ve probably been getting things wrong for years now, but I’ll do better?”

Cam laughed softly in disbelief, shaking their head.

“Of course it’s okay. And it’s only been a couple of years really but that’s because I purposely didn’t tell you. Haven’t really told many people, if I’m being honest. I just…I wasn’t expecting you to just accept it straight away? Like, you’re a hockey player right, and…”

“And hockey players have a reputation of being homophobic assholes? There’s a few prominent names popping out lately, yeah. But that’s not me. My older sisters played hockey on women’s teams while we were growing up and there were a few lesbians out and proud with their friends, so it’s not like I haven’t been around the LGBTQ+ community? And I know that non-binary is your gender, not anything with your sexuality, but what I mean is that I’m not that kind of asshole?” Jeff explained, “I might be a dumbass hockey player most the time but I’m not that full stereotype.”

“No, you’re right. I shouldn’t have painted you with that brush. I’m sorry,” Cam said, wincing.

“It’s okay. No, really it is. I get that you have to expect the worst from people and I hate that you have to, but you don’t have to with me, okay? I’ve got a lot to learn, I know that. So much. But you don’t have to be scared or nervous around me. I promise,” Jeff said, smiling.

Cam smiled shakily, nodding their head, finally losing a bit of tension in their shoulders.

“Thank you. I just…thank you,”

“I accept you for who you are, Cam Marlow. Exactly how you are,” Jeff said firmly.

Cam choked out a sob, hand flying up to cover their mouth, and it was all Jeff could do to let go of their hands and open his arms wide. Cam wasted no time in flinging themselves forward into his body, letting Jeff hug them as they cried into the crook of his neck. Jeff felt tears sting at his own eyes, but he just held them tight, rubbing their back to reassure them.

Everything would change from here, he knew that. But he wasn’t going anywhere.

*

Skinner Siblings

Jeff: A friend of mine recently came out to me as non-binary. Obviously I support them and I'm so proud of them but I haven't got a clue where to start to understand it all better? I just want to be a good friend.

Andrea: Firstly, congrats to your friend. I won't ask who because that's none of my business. Secondly, do you want some resources?

Jeff: Yeah I won't say their name because they haven't said I could. But yes please to resources!

Erica: Good start on using their correct pronouns Jeffy.

Jeff: I'm trying. It's literally the least I can do.

Erica: More than a lot of people would! Just as a tip, more than anything else, follow whatever your friend says is right for them. And if you mess up, correct yourself and move on. You are a good friend, even just by wanting to learn.

Jillian: Love you Jeffy. Proud of you!

Andrea: I’m proud of you too. I found a bunch of resources for definitions and reading material and even blog posts. Let me email you.

*

“Sex is what you’re assigned at birth, based on bodily characteristics. Gender can be completely separate from the sex you’ve been assigned at birth. That’s the best thing about gender: it’s free, flexible and completely yours to decide.”

“A recent Stonewall study found that 31% of nonbinary people have experienced hate crime as a result of their gender identity.”

“60% of Americans have at least heard about gender-neutral pronouns, many people may still be kind of unsure of what to say or do. According to the survey results, 52% of Americans report that they would be somewhat or very comfortable using gender-neutral pronouns with someone they know. But 47% said that they would be somewhat or very uncomfortable doing so.”

“A common misconception is that all non-binary identities sit somewhere in the middle of male and female, and that if you’re non-binary you’ll fit neatly into a box labelled ‘androgynous’. But this really isn’t the case – and one of the most liberating things about being non-binary is that there are no set rules around how you express or experience your gender.”

Jeff’s head spun as he read through all the resources that his sister Andrea sent over to him. There was so much new information to digest, and yet still not enough somehow. Sure, GLAAD was a great place to start for definitions, but he knew there was still so much further for him to go.

Baby steps though, right?

If Cam could take things step by step, so could he.

One of the first things that Jeff did was to add his pronouns to his twitter and Instagram bios. A simple he/him. It wasn’t much, but it was a start – and at least hopefully, if anyone asked him (not that he expected they would), then he could start a positive conversation about pronouns and representation. It was, quite literally, the least he could do. It was also likely that Cam would never notice either, but if they did then he wanted them to know that this was another way he could support them – it was important that everyone and anyone could use the pronouns they knew were correct for themselves, he knew that now. So if he could show people that with his level of publicity then he absolutely would.

He had to use his privilege for something good, right?

In the weeks following Cam’s accidental non-binary announcement, aside from his own research journey, it seemed like a new side of Cam’s life opened that he’d never been privy to before. Sure, he’d liked and treasured the time that the two of them spent alone over the past five years, but now it seemed like they were comfortable enough to let him into a whole new level. He wasn’t entitled to it in the slightest, he knew that, so he made that they knew exactly how much he appreciated these new steps they were taking.

Cam also opened up more to him about their discovery journey. About how they had felt just ever-so-slightly wrong in their body for so long, not understanding why until they stumbled across an LGBTQ+ poetry slam one night not long after he had moved into their apartment building, not knowing what to do about how they felt until a few years ago. Cam had insisted that they hadn’t kept things separate from him maliciously – it was more of a case that they had still been figuring it out for themselves while they were getting to know him too, and part of their process had been compartmentalising. He wasn’t mad. He literally had no right to be, but he genuinely wasn’t mad. The fact that they finally felt comfortable enough with him and within themselves to take down those barriers? That was all that he cared about.

They had even introduced him openly to a few of their friends. Jeff hadn’t understood the side-eyes and the smirks or even the money exchanged between a couple of the group, but he finally in on the jokes about Cam being a social disaster, finally able to have them smiling at him like he was in on the secret. He was part of a whole new world – one that confused him heavily sometimes, but one that he appreciated being able to be within – and he loved that his friendship with Cam had only grown from strength to strength with each new thing he learned about them.

None of that changed how their smile still gave him butterflies.

*

“You cut your hair.”

That was the first thing that came out of his mouth when Cam opened the front door of their apartment. It had been only a little over a month since their unintentional coming out, but it seemed like each day Cam was a little more settled in their skin, and it made Jeff feel so happy that he got to be part of that. Their hair though – that was a big change.

“I…did. Is it bad?” Cam asked, a little nervous.

Cam’s hair had previously been down to their waist, naturally tousled and dirty blonde. But now…now it was short. Super short. A pixie cut, maybe? At least that’s what he remembered from one of his sister’s magazines. A white-blonde pixie cut. Huh.

“Not bad. Like, at all. It really suits you,” Jeff said firmly, as he walked past them into their apartment.

“You’re not just saying that?” Cam asked hopefully.

“I’m a really bad liar, you know that,” Jeff shrugged, smiling a little sheepishly as Cam laughed, “And I wouldn’t lie to you about this. It’s different, sure. But it feels like you.”

Cam exhaled shakily, shoulders losing a little tension as they nodded. “That’s what I thought. That it feels like me, more than anything else ever has.”

Jeff hesitated slightly as some of the reading he’d done came back to him, before he took a deep breath to steel himself.

“Was this a gender dysphoria thing? Is there still anything else you want to do to feel more comfortable in your body?” he asked.

Cam’s eyes widened slightly before they smiled fondly at him. “You really have done your reading, haven’t you?”

“I just…wanted to be a good friend,” Jeff said, feeling a little awkward.

Was he not meant to have tried to learn more? Did Cam not want that?

“Oh Jeff, you are one of the best friends a person could ever ask for,” Cam said, shaking their head as they smiled, letting Jeff breathe a little sigh of relief.

“You deserve it,” Jeff shrugged.

Interestingly, Cam blushed a little, before they laughed softly, moving to pull some coffee mugs out of the kitchen cupboard.

“Right, to answer your questions. The hair was kind of a gender dysphoria thing? My long hair just felt so feminine, and that obviously isn’t me anymore. Or maybe was never me? I don’t know, I’m still figuring out how I feel about it. In terms of anything else…I’m not trans. I don’t want to transition from female to male, because I genuinely don’t feel like either of them. That isn’t my journey. I’ve been dressing pretty androgynously for a few years so that covers most of what I feel like I need? And it’s not like my boobs are particularly big anyway so I can just wear a tighter tank top if I have days where they are a trigger,” Cam explained.

Jeff’s eyes dropped to their chest before he could even stop himself, and he felt his cheeks flare in horror at his reaction as he quickly looked back up to their face. What was wrong with him? Why would he…bleurgh.

Cam politely ignored his reaction, their mouth quirking in a slight smile.

“Periods might be an issue I’ll have to face at some point, but that’s something I’ll deal with as I get to it,” they shrugged.

He’d heard all the horrors of periods over the years from his sisters, so while he wasn’t quite desensitised, he didn’t grimace.

“There’s birth control you can go on to stop them for a few years though, right? Like, the implant or the coil?” Jeff said, tilting his head, “That’s always an option.”

Cam’s eyes widened slightly again, before they shook their head. “You are a gem, Jeff Skinner. Don’t let anyone ever tell you differently.”

Jeff found his cheeks heating up again, but he just smiled, shrugging. It’s not like he was looking for a gold star for being a half-decent human being after all.

Cam finally finished making their coffees, sliding Jeff’s over the counter to him while they sat down on the stool opposite.

“Oh, here, I got you something,” Jeff said, reaching into his bag, “It’s a little lame now that I think about it, but I already bought it so here we go.”

“This is…a cupcake?”

“A coming out cupcake. In your colours,” Jeff nodded, smiling.

White, yellow, purple and black swirled icing on a vanilla cupcake, the colours of the non-binary flag, from a tiny LGBTQ+ friendly bakery that he’d found in the city. The day he’d ordered it, he remembered the tiny smile that cracked on the terrifying butch woman’s face behind the counter, probably because he’d been rambling about wanting to celebrate and support Cam. He’d tried to find a date in the last month that felt right, but with Cam still settling into themselves publicly combined with his travelling schedule, it had taken longer than he wanted. But when he’d picked it up this morning he felt good about it. It might only be a silly little thing, but Cam loved cupcakes, right? So it felt good just to show Cam a little appreciation.

“This might be the sweetest thing ever. My god, Jeff. Why?”

“You deserve something nice? To mark this new chapter? The world is full of terrifying things that happen to people when they come out as non-binary. I’ve read some really awful blog posts about people whose lives were turned upside down just for being brave enough to be themselves. And I know you’re going to have to keep coming out over and over and over again even in just the tiniest of ways, so this is just me saying that I see you and I appreciate you.”

“Damn it Jeff, you’re going to make me cry again,” Cam

“Sorry?” he offered.

Cam just laughed, shaking their head as tears sprung to their eyes.

“I just hope that coming out to my parents will be as smooth as coming out to you was,” Cam said softly.

“You aren’t out to your parents?”

“No,” Cam murmured, shaking their head, “I’m so nervous.”

“Hey, no, don’t be, okay? Your parents love you,” Jeff said, frowning.

“You know just as well as I do how badly parents can react. It’s such an unknown reaction. And it’s not like they would’ve had any kind of idea that this is how I felt about myself over the past few years, right? No build up or lead in that they would have to prepare themselves,” Cam sighed.

They were right. Jeff had read the blog posts, the articles, the statistics. He hated that Cam had to go through this, but it wasn’t his place to pretend that everything was going to be a-okay.

“All you can do is be honest with them. That’s literally it,” Jeff said softly.

“I’m 30 years old, I shouldn’t be this scared to tell my parents who I really am,” they said, laughing a little dryly.

“It’s a natural reaction, Cam. From what I understand anyway. You love them – they’re your parents. You don’t want to lose them, it makes sense. But you also wouldn’t be doing yourself justice in not living your truth,” Jeff said, smiling sadly, “I’m here for you, no matter what happens, okay?”

They nodded, sniffing slightly. “I don’t deserve you.”

“You deserve everything and more. Never let anyone tell you differently,” Jeff said fiercely.

Cam choked out a laugh, blinking away their tears as they nodded again.

“Alright, if Jeff Skinner says it, then it must be true,” they said, wry smile on their face.

Jeff just grinned, making them laugh properly this time. He couldn’t bear the thought of them feeling like they didn’t deserve the whole world. Even if it wasn’t him that was able to give it to them, he still wanted them to be happy. That was all that mattered, right?

Then Cam’s smile slid into something a little more serious. A little more earnest. Jeff finished his coffee, sliding the cup to the side as he waited for them to collect their thoughts, knowing they would speak when they were ready.

“You make me want to be brave,” Cam said softly.

Well that was the last thing he expected. Those sweet simple words made his whole chest warm with happiness. He made them want to be brave? They were already so brave all on their own.

“Me?” Jeff asked, surprised.

But Cam just nodded, glancing over at him with their big blue eyes as they bit their bottom lip, and the look in their eyes made his heart start beating a little faster. Oh. Oh. Him?

“Me? Really?” he asked, a little breathless.

“Yeah, Jeff. Who else?” Cam said, cheeks flushing lightly.

Jeff inhaled sharply, reaching his hand across the kitchen counter to rest on theirs, his heart pounding so hard in his chest that he felt like it would fly out. Was this what his sisters meant when they’d described how it felt when they fell in love? Was he finally getting his chance to love someone too? When Cam clutched his hand back, smiling back at him so sweetly and shyly, he knew he had his answer. This was Cam – his heart had fallen for them a long time ago.

“You make me want to be brave too.”

He knew that this wasn’t going to be easy. He knew that the two of them would face so many questions, so much scrutiny, and most likely so much hatred. But what Jeff knew most of all was that he wanted to try. Cam was worth that. Cam was worth everything.

*

“Hey Cap, do you mind if I bring my partner Cam to the end of season barbecue?”

“Cameron? Your neighbour? Of course bud, glad the two of you finally got your shit together. How is she?”

“They.”

“What?”

“They. Not she. And it’s Cam, not Cameron.”

“Huh. Okay, good to know. Do you want me to say anything to the guys?”

“No, I’m just going to introduce them as they are. If anyone is shitty, I’ll deal with it.”

“Alright bud, but let me know if you want any help. You’re not alone, okay? Either of you. I look forward to meeting Cam. And Jeff? I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks. And, uh, thanks.”

“Any time.”

Baby steps.