#yoi text post

[chiarrara]

Incorrect Yuri On Ice Quotes by @yoi-incorrect-quotes (1 - 2 - 3 - 4)

[yourcrumblingsaikiisnotmyproblem]

Oh you don't like cliches?

Can't relate. Gimme character A who is completely obvious, always pining, everyone in the entire plot knows they're in love with character B. And B is just so oblivious that they never even realise when the flirting hits them smack in the face. Until literally the entire plot is just everyone trying to spell it out that A is in fu*king love with them.

I love cliches. Gimme idiots in love.

[cosmiclion]

Can we all just pull a reverse Goncharov and pretend TUA S4 never happened?

[anxiously-sidequesting]

**slips and slides into the room with socks on and breaks the wooden table as i fall down on the floor in a haste** so anyways i actually just scared myself because i thought of exactly how deep Malorn's and Malistaire's parallels went. like in post-updated tutorial malistaire was said to have been kind and caring towards his students right. just like malorn right. just like malorn, right? isn't that just like malorn? hey everyone doesn't that sound just like malorn? kind and cares for his students? 'kind' and 'caring' are certainly two adjectives that describe malorn arent they huh? (is slowly sinking in quicksand as i desperately reach out to you as i say this) so if we are to say that malorn and malistaire are two sides of the same coin then what is truly stopping malorn from having one traumatic event from shaping the rest of his life into a descent of madness, grief, and isolation? Guys tell me what the difference is between this reality and an Evil Malorn AU guys? guys hello? hello guys? **(the quicksand has actually transported me to the Backrooms now, no one can hear me call out in distress)**

[hualianschild]

[theonceandfuturequeenoftarts]

It starts, as many things involving Phichit do, with an Instagram post.

phichit+chu [Video description: Katsuki Yuuri, sitting on the grass in a tank top and shorts, places a watermelon between his thighs and cracks it open. He smiles up at the person holding the camera before grimacing at his lap and his watermelon-soaked shorts and thighs, muttering “Didn’t think this through…”] phichit+chu We didn’t have a knife. #katsudamn #demthighstho #katsukiyuuri #blessed     axel-otl Uh mcpoult I’LL BE IN MY BUNK doaflip #katsudamn indeed okukawami [This is what you’re using my dance training to do?] ;) redpandadance more like yuuri crush-suki amirite 

This sparks the #KatsuMelon challenge among other figure skaters. Because of the physical necessities of their sport – namely, extremely muscular bottom halfs that can support launching and landing triples and quads – many succeed, though not with the ease and oblivious cuteness of Yuuri. Mila Babicheva earns the #scaredandhorny award for crushing three melons in under ten seconds.

Christophe Giacometti, never one to settle for keeping it PG, posts a video of him in a thong crushing a variety of fruits and vegetables with his ass. The video is taken down almost immediately and leads to Chris being temporarily banned from the platform for repeatedly posting inappropriate content.

It’s a weird couple of weeks for those not used to the figure skating community.

—

Not many people know about Yuuri’s competitive side, but Chris does. Their time together in Juniors, duking it out for the podium, made it very apparent.

So, when they’re both assigned to Skate America, he decides to make use of this knowledge. He corners Yuuri at the rink during practice on the day before the men’s short program.

“Chéri, you’ve been keeping secrets from me,” he pouts, skating up beside the Japanese skater.

Yuuri looks like a bunny rabbit that’s been caught under a bush, all wide-eyed and twitchy. “What?”

“I saw the video of your little trick with the watermelon,” Chris clarifies, before adding huskily, “J’ai bien hâte de le voir en personne.”

“Chris, you know I don’t speak French.”

“Well, hurry up and learn so I can fully express myself.”

“I don’t think I could take you expressing yourself any more fully,” Yuuri mutters, blushing as he slaps a wandering hand away.

He grins and winks lasciviously. “Not many can. But I digress! I want a demonstration, Yuuri~”

“There’s a video of it,” Yuuri says, confused. “You’ve already seen it. Just go watch that.”

“Are you saying you couldn’t do it again?” Chris says, pretending to look disbelieving.

Yuuri’s eyes narrow and his jaw tightens. “Bring me a damn watermelon.”

Chris smirks. Gotcha.

—

Someone procures a watermelon despite it being the wrong season and the request being issued ten minutes ago. Phichit would be surprised, except he’s seen all the comments on that post. Thirst is a powerful motivator.

“Wait!” Leo shouts. “Maybe you should take off your pants? You, uh. Last time, you got your shorts dirty.”

Yuuri stares at him blankly for a second before giving him a small smile. “You’re right, thanks.”

And then he strips off his joggers. Phichit hears a few muttered curses, and someone swoons. 

And that’s how Katsuki Yuuri ends up sitting on the arena changing room floor in just his warm-up shirt and tight boxer briefs, surrounded by several of the world’s top figure skaters, and absolutely obliterating a sizeable watermelon with his wet-dream-worthy thighs. 

There are a few moments of silence during which Yuuri seems to realize people are staring at him and starts to spiral before Seung-gil mutters, “I wish that was my head.” 

And Phichit is shocked that it’s the notoriously misanthropic Korean who spoke, but also. Same, dude. Same.

That breaks the rest of the observers out of their stupor, and then it’s a rush of sound – yelling, catcalls, laughter – and Phichit makes sure to pull Yuuri out of the epicentre of excitement as soon as he can, taking up his role of deflecting attention away from his smol anxious son. 

When Chris approaches with a cat-that-got-the-cream grin, Yuuri sighs with fond exasperation.

“There. Happy?” he says to Chris.

“Oh, exceedingly. Seeing is believing. You never disappoint, mon petit chou.” Chris manages to get a few celebratory gropes in before Yuuri bats him away.

Phichit convinces (see: threatens with blackmail) everyone present into not posting pictures or videos of Yuuri. But a slew of Instagram posts featuring figure skaters eating chunks of watermelon flood the platform with no caption other than #SkateAmerica2015, to the confusion of everyone who wasn’t there.

—

Yuri Plisetsky is suffering.

He has to share a rink with Viktor “Living Legend” Nikiforov, and deal with all the comparisons and expectations and idiocy that brings, so he’s used to some amount of suffering.

He’s not used to the Japanese Yuuri being the source of his suffering.

Not that he would ever say it even under torture, but Japanese Yuuri’s step sequences are pretty good (the most beautiful he’s ever seen) and he moves well (like he’s music and emotion given human form). He guesses he respects the other man as a skater. His jumps are shit, though (could use some work).

After the Watermelon Incident at Skate America is when the suffering begins. He can’t look at watermelons the same way. He can’t look at Japanese Yuuri the same way. Now, every time he sees him in person or in photos, he thinks about licking watermelon juice off of Yuuri's bare thighs. His phone can’t take being thrown at the wall anymore before it just shatters.

(Like that watermelon.)

Puberty is the fucking worst.

—

Chris, as a top-tier bro and shit-stirrer, sends the video to Viktor.

Viktor ♥

!!! Chris What am I looking at? Proof that God loves the gays You and I weren’t proof enough? Bien sûr, mon cher But also Tell me those thighs don’t make you want to fall down and worship I am but a man An extremely gay man So who is he? Viktor You don’t recognize Katsuki Yuuri? Should I…? For shame Japan’s ace? ? Figure skating?? You know, that thing you do all day, every day? nvm, I looked him up If I didn’t love you so much, I’d strangle you, chéri Aww, you love me! ( ˘ ³˘)♥

Chris gets back to practice, dropping his phone and his attempt to wing-man for the moment. Those two had better appreciate this…

—

The next day, Viktor approaches Yuri as they’re practicing on the ice.

“So, your newfound aversion to watermelon…”

Yuri glares at him. Viktor stares back.

“It happened after Skate America, da?”

Yuri’s glare develops an edge of mortified horror. Viktor waggles his eyebrows.

“AAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHHH,” the teenager howls, skating away from Viktor as fast and as angrily as he can.

Ah, youth. At least Yuri has better taste than Viktor’d had at his age. Thankfully, he’d outgrown his tragic habit of crushing on straight boys.

And hey, maybe they could bond over crushing on someone who could crush them with his thighs.

(He swears he’s not getting petty vengeance for all the balding and ‘old man’ comments.) 

(...He might be lying.)

He’s no more excited for this year’s Grand Prix Final. But maybe – maybe – the off-ice part could surprise him yet. Maybe this Katsuki Yuuri could liven things up.

[lynne-monstr]

I need every single website developer to spend 30 minutes mininum actually attempting to use their cursed websites before releasing it upon the world

[lmanburgseulogy]

I feel like i only ever post about cwilbur i promise my love for the other characters is there its just more like. Emotional not really thoughts that can be written out

[way-too-cool-raybot]

I'm almost certain I've said this before but while we are talking about how the Borderlands fandom hates Ava for being A Child Who Has Emotions And Thoughts can we also talk about how her one Main Game side quest literally bullies her

[mrcrepsley]

hold on if you put it into perspective that otis named cutter after one of his favorite groucho marx characters it’s insane i mean just the fact alone that he NAMED HIM and spaulding liked it enough to make it his whole persona is like. ok man.

but otis really met this guy and he was like dude you remind me so much of my favorite character. my favorite character who is fucking hilarious, kinda pathetic, everyone worships the ground he walks on, is a major asshole, makes well disguised dirty jokes about underage girls, prostitution, rape, racism and gays and hes misogynistic on top of it? thats all of otis’s favorite things embodied in person!

AND it matches otis’s own alias. i could keep going

[leofrith]

replaying valhalla after the last chapter got me like

[chiarrara]

Incorrect Yuri On Ice Quotes by @yoi-incorrect-quotes (1 - 2 - 3 - 4)

[monstroso]

im not here to tell anyone how to enjoy their fiction or dictate anyone's taste but if you start reading the locked tomb without understanding that it exists directly as a result of the author being involved with homestuck and are thrown by 'none houses with left grief' and references to like, eminem lyrics i am sorry to say maybe you gotta just sit this one out. i know i am.

[cosmiclion]

Concept: Yuuri's out with Viktor one day when he overhears some fans who recognized them.

"It's so unfair, I want a boyfriend like that too!" "Yeah, it's not fair that he gets to keep him, I'm so jealous!"

He gets a little flustered but also feels smug, being known as the man who stole Viktor Nikiforov from the world is honestly satisfying. But the fans keep talking.

"Right? Yuuri's so beautiful and sweet and talented, and Viktor gets to spend every minute with him, the lucky bastard!"

Yuuri spits the hot chocolate he was drinking and has a coughing fit.

[arom-antix]

A quick sketch to honour the birthday boy

[tinikois]

gotta say, even tho I haven’t drawn Yuri on ice fan art in years without it having been a commission, I’m glad people still enjoy my yoi art from the past :’)