#yikes i'm such an oversharer

[non-un-topo]

Wish there was an elixir that wasn't alcohol that you could take that just makes you write/draw and not care about the quality of your work or about what your potential audience might think

[stochastiz]

okay so. as someone who has a really hard time being 'comforted' by other people... yeah. this hit me hard.

a lot of times i do feel like a lump of bronze merely shaped like a human being who is sad. and the people in my life tend to see me that way too. so of course they want to comfort me, who doesn't want to be comforted?

but a lot of the times the things i 'should' be comforted about are tangible health problems that there is nothing anyone who's not a miracle-working doctor could do to change, and i have yet to meet anyone like that.

so when i explain all this bullshit i'm currently going through, of course the default response is "oh i'm so sorry :(" and yes. i get it. i know you're sorry. i know you wish this wasn't happening, because that's what a kind person would feel when being told about this. but that really doesn't change anything.

of course this is a super pessimistic and depressing take. i've been clinically depressed since middle school and chronically ill and in pain for longer. plus i'm autistic, so all the 'normal' social stuff tends to work differently for me. but all me explaining these situations does is copy a portion of my feelings about them and drop that on top of another person. no matter how many people make that sad "tsk" sound and look at me with pity in their eyes, it really doesn't change anything from my perspective except that i've now dragged another person into my vortex of sadness. so then i feel helpless too, knowing i just threw a stormcloud into everything else they were already dealing with.

so yeah, every time someone 'comfortingly' rubs my back and tells me they're there for me it does feel like a little more of me is rubbed away. and even when i explain this to people in my life, even when i've told them their 'comforting' touch will wear me down, that's still what they do because of that "inherent, instinctive human desire to soothe and comfort someone who is suffering." so then i feel the need to comfort them about the sadness i've dropped on them, knowing nothing i say now can actually change it.

More Art That Was Revealed To Me In A Dream: A statue which was titled "The Comfort". A life-sized vaguely female figure, curled up with her face hidden by her hands, as if in deep sorrow.

The statue's whole point was that it was placed in an empty room, and the surface/material of the statue was deliberately treated in some way that ensured that it would wear down from human touch. The viewers were also encouraged to touch the statue, stroking her back to comfort her. The entire point and purpose of the art piece was to illustrate how the statue itself gradually becomes polished, shiny, and slowly worn away by the thousands of human hands that have touched it.

In a way it wasn't really a statue, as much as a collective piece of performance art - a visual demonstration of the inherent, instinctive human desire to soothe and comfort someone who is suffering, for no personal gain nor benefit, despite of being fully aware that this is only a symbol of a person, a lump of bronze that's merely shaped like a human being who is sad.

The real Comfort was the friends we made along the way.

[mamadoc]

1, 2, 11, 20😊

1 - Talk about someone who changed your life.

Okay. I took far too long to think about this. Since we're all in a post 6x6 and TTPD era, here's a vulnerable, tortured answer.

I had a very close friend for several years. My husband and I were very close to her and her husband. Our kids were friends. We went to the same church, all loved to travel, had similar interests and tastes, had all lived internationally, went on double dates, etc. We even considered having them raise our kids if my husband and I both passed away. In sum, we were super close.

Then COVID hit. As a doctor COVID was difficult. I struggled a lot because I was taking care of sick patients. I recall one tearful day of talking to a pregnant mom who was about to be transferred to the ICU and was saying goodbye to her other children. It really wasn't safe or comfortable to go to work for a long time. I wasn't really dealing with it well, especially with the people around me treating it like it didn't matter. I was really depressed for the first time in my life.

This friend didn't understand that or if she did, she didn't care. So, when I said I wasn't interested in going out in public and having any type of birthday celebration for my birthday (who wants to celebrate turning 41 anyway?), she started attacking me on a personal level. I was already in a dark place and instead of being a good friend and supporting me, she just keep sending me hateful messages.

That was the first and only time in my life I considered suicide. I reached out for help and got it. I wasn't in that dark pit for a long time. I'm much better now. I mostly have my sister to thank for that.

I brought her flowers for Valentine's Day with an apology note a few weeks after that. She never apologized. I brought treats to her a few weeks after that with an apology note explaining why I felt so hurt. I tried to call to explain how I felt so that I could heal. She never answered the phone.

I'm still not sure what I have to apologize for or why she never seemed to accept or offer an apology. But that was two years ago. We still don't talk. Our husbands don't talk. Our kids don't play together anymore. For a long time, I didn't like going to church because I knew I'd have to see her.

Most of that is better now. I'm just sad for a lost friendship and for the dark place I had to crawl out of.

I've used a slight modification of her name for a character in one of my stories who betrayed Lucy. I thought that might be therapeutic, but it just brought the situation up to the surface again.

Uhhh... I can't believe I just wrote all of that. I'll try to keep the rest of the answers a bit lighter.

2 - Talk about something you really want to do.

I LOVE to travel. I've been to 47 states and 16 countries. My husband and I had all of our plans in place to get to all 50 states before we turned 40. Then COVID hit and all of our plans were dashed when travel shut down. We're going at a slower pace now, but we're getting close to it. #48 (NM) in October, #49 (HI) July 2025 as a 20th anniversary trip, and #50 (AK) the summer of 2026.

11 - Share something you're proud of.

According to AO3's stats, I've posted over 339k words since I started posting 7 months ago (plus another 9-10k chapter I hope to finish tonight). I know there are those that blow me out of the water (Ahem, ahem @girlintotv and @centralperkchenford) with their numbers, but I'm pretty proud of that as a first-time writer and working mom with 4 young kids.

20 - Share with us a random fact or two.

I'm afraid I've already overshared. *yikes* But here we go.

I'm the oldest of 6 kids. The first 4 of us are all 23 months apart, then 27 months apart, and 25 months apart. So, we're essentially every 2 years for 10 years with all of our birthdays clustered together. 3 boys and 3 girls.

I had the chicken pox for my eighth birthday. My grandparents came to visit for my birthday, but they were afraid of getting shingles. So, I had to stay in my bedroom on the second floor, and they stayed on the first floor for the whole time they were visiting. I still remember standing in the hallway near the dining room while they sang happy birthday. One of my siblings blew out the candles for me and my mom brought me a piece of cake in the hallway. (Man, I'm still rocking those depressing TTPD vibes, aren't I?) I was officially not contagious the day my mom came home from the hospital with baby #5 in our family, and I remember being so excited to be healthy enough to hold my baby brother.

Sheesh. Now you probably won't ever ask me anything again. Between TTPD, 6x6, and the angst I'm supposed to be writing right now, I'm coming up with some strange answers.

Sorry to be the Eeyore in the crowd. Thanks for asking me to play though.

Ask game

[gizkasparadise]

Look I watch a lot of trash tv and I've never seen so many unlikable people as on The Trust. I'm only on ep 2 and we got:

-a cop that lies about being a stripper

-a 22 year old millionaire nepo baby

-MAGA dude

- whatever the fuck Julie has going on, yikes upon yikes

-a good ole boy throwing a fit over integrity on the betrayal game after everyone has known each other like 6 hours

-oversharer who flips out that people knew what she shared?

-a woman who claims misogyny while saying no one should be pussies??

Casting went too far on this one.

[ataraxiaspainting]

if you don't mind me asking, why are you a science teacher to begin with? also why are you studying criminology (idk what that is) C:

(cracks knuckles) it's oversharing time.

i've honestly always been the therapist friend of my group? or the mom friend, depends on who you ask but to me they're very similar. i've grown up loving helping people, so both the science teacher job and my chosen major work really well with my mind. they're like glue de-scattering my brain and making me focus for once. helping kids may not be my primary choice in future careers, but for my first real real job with real real responsibilities (keeping track of eight-year-olds and running after them, making sure they like the class, befriending co-teachers, etc) i like it quite a lot. the kids are all really sweet. <3

i want to be a therapist for adults with a criminal record or just do not know how to cope with past trauma and such, perhaps in rehab or just a standard therapist office. i'm a strong lover of the nature versus nuture theory, and i honestly can see both sides. i may go into a more medical field to be able to prescribe medicine to patients too, but i'm still on the fence about it. medical school is tough, and my older sister's friend told me it's akin to being kicked in the balls every day. yikes. i'm also an advocate for social justice reform as well, so i want to help as many people as i can. crime usually doesn't happen without a reason (though not in all cases). whether that be poverty, or mental struggles, usually the criminal in question just needs help.

my family says i sound like this when i am talking about my major I SWEAR I AM NOT MONOLOUGING FOR VILLAINOUS REASONS! STOP IT, MOM!

[veliseraptor]

I assume by your tumblr that you have a very heavy handed perfectionism that comes from equally heavy self-worth issues, and that said perfectionism makes it hard to have hobbies (and to do things for fun, in general) because you spiral down into treating it as something you must excel at. Which is really exausting, so I also assume you are often tired, and maybe circling around different activities to rest before the need to be Good^TM at it makes it too draining to continue.

yikes, anon, i mean, it's not like i don't overshare on this blog but seeing it laid out like that in a paragraph sort of has me lying on the floor staring at the ceiling. cause yeah that's pretty much the spiral *finger-guns*

i decided at a young age that i was only as good as the things i was good at and i am still working on unlearning the "if you're not doing things and doing them the best then what's the point of your existing in the world" internal voice

anyway. i hope this isn't you speaking from experience anon but if it is then i'm very sorry and have the saddest solidarity high five i have

[doctorweebmd]

Because I’m nosey for the author ask…Hope you don’t mind :-)

🙋🏻‍♀️❌💔💲

ahhh NO THIS ISNT NOSINESS i LOVE oversharing get ready and also THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS!!! it was super fun and distracted me from the agony that is writing plot and remembering that its sunday night 🥺

🙋‍♀️ - do any real-life people know what I write fanfic? Uhhh. My husband does but I've never let him read any of it. I do tell people that I write 'fiction' in my spare time, because its like, my one hobby, but definitely don't extrapolate. i'm making the assumption that most people in the medical field don't know shit about ao3 but i also know for a FACT that there are multiple weeb sleeper agents out there. doing medicine. while weebing. BUT. i'm sure if anyone recognized any of my stuff it would be a 'what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament' situation haha

❌ - a trope i will never write? Probably alpha/beta/omega stuff. Some people do them really well and I've certainly read really great ABO, but its one of those dynamics that I would never want to voluntarily explore. Its actually the one tag I actively filter out when looking for new fic. On that same note, Pregnancy/Kidfic. Babies and parenting give me the major ick (this may be colored heavily by the fact that i dont want children and am at that age where people keep ASKING ABOUT IT.) tbh i'm also not much of a fantasy person or historical person, so a lot of hybrid/mermaid/royalty AUs are a no for me. and, probably most controversially? established relationship. listen i am here for the drama i dont care about healthy loving domestic stuff! i want miscommunication! i want pining! i want discovering each other for the first time! i want fumbling and blushing!!!

.... wow there are a LOT of things i dont think i'd write lol yikes.

💔 - Is there a fic of yours that broke your heart? Not to be predictable but yeah. Zero-sum game. In part because it was a very vulnerable place of writing emotionally - both because i had not, for many years, tapped into my own mental health experiences for fear of it being triggering while writing, but also partially because i was working in the icu during peak covid and everyone was dying and it was so fucking depressing and demoralizing. I teared up at a couple of scenes - this ended up super long so i'm going to break it down by chapter:

Chapter 7 when Katsuki walked by the bar his friends were having a reunion at, Jirou ran out to get him and Kirishima stopped her, saying 'we have to let him go.'

Chapter 12, Katsuki asking - are you afraid? And Zero looking up at the sky saying - Am I afraid? And then reciting that poem. 'Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light. I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.' That scene I can see so so vividly in my head, hear their voices, intonations, expressions - and it breaks my heart. The tent scene at the end of Chapter 12, too - 'Do you think that's what love feels like?' 'Fuck if I know.' FUCK ME UP. ARHGHH S.

Chapter 15 - Mitsuki saying 'But you’re gonna eventually have to find a way to love people without hurting them. Or you’re going to end up alone.' and Katsuki having a breakdown after. Then later in the chapter, Inko asking '“… I wonder, sometimes. Who he would become if he never met you.” WHAT THE FUCKKKKK

Chapter 19 - god. Where do I even start. The entire confession scene is like punch after punch to the ribcage. Specifically:

"How does Katsuki explain that the first time in his life he considered he might be in love is when hands he’s dreamt off for nearly twenty years (Now just the one. Half is gone, because it has to be, because to be complete is to give Katsuki more than he deserves) wrapped themselves around his throat, making him wonder if love might be a bit like dying, might be a bit like that last fucking breath when nothing in the goddamn world can feel more cathartic - that last strawberry, the last sip of water, the last bullet in the chamber - and they bled and fought and fucked and destroyed each other and nothing has ever felt to pure and perfect and devastating and absolutely holy - if that’s not love, then what the hell is?"

and

"“Yeah. Yeah, that’s right. I love you and I’m walking away from you and I never want to see you again. Okay? I never want to see you again.”

AND

“…What am I supposed to do now?” Inko Midoriya whispers out to the street. No more fretting, no more restless nights, no more ‘what if’s.’ Her son is back, but despite that, she’s still alone. They both are.

“I don’t know.” Katsuki responds honestly.

“Find something else to live for, I guess.”

Chapter 23 - the proposal scene. Specifically:

'Not because you saved me physically – and you did, you did, you’re always saving me, and I’m always saving you, I fuckin’ know, we’ll always save each other because that’s who we are, but it's more than that. Its more.'

AND

“But you need to know – you need to. That, with all of me, I love who you were, I love who you are, and I love who you’re becoming.”

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you. No matter how short, no matter how painful, no matter how fucking temporary all of this is. I want to experience it with you.”

“Marry me.”

AND. Finally and most of all. The authors note at the end. Even re-reading it now, its so raw. I think about this a lot:

'It all anchors on the belief that you can still be who you want to be. The belief that ‘broken’ people can get better. The belief, the ever present faith - because it has to be faith, because all tangible things are friable but not faith, not this - that you can be found. That you are not irredeemable. That there is a future worth fighting for.'

I have moments from 'we will wait and wait in that space' and 'nothing else fills' that made me tear up, but it still won't match the raw levels of emotion and vulnerability that was channeled in zero-sum. even now, years later, its still my heart.

Wow sorry this got SUPER long. but i loved going through zero-sum and picking out my favorite scenes so thank you for that :) :) :)

💲 - would i ever open commissions? gosh no, probably not. i'm not great at one-shots and deadlines and i work super inconsistent hours and tbh i have minimal confidence in the consistency of my writing to offer it as a service. i'm also very lucky to be pretty secure financially so i wouldn't have that kind of external driving force. but i'm very flattered that that's even a question. 🥺 id happily give away all my mind-vomit for free.

AHHHH i'm sorry this is so long THANK YOU FOR INDULGING ME i adore you ❤️

[elvisabutler]

I'm the same anon who asked about Dove and social media during pregnancy - I just love the idea of her getting a positive response and going total share mode. I can so see Dove posting bump pics, doctor's office pics, food craving pics, etc. I also love the idea of her talking about how she's feeling, both physically and emotionally, and sharing her journey with everyone. I imagine the response being positive, because she's so cute and who would not love Dove and her little bird? I'm sorry for the anon questions btw, I am not going to be blowing up your inbox all the time, I promise! 😂 I recently read your Dove series and got hooked, and this popped into my head and I wanted to ask.

anon, never apologize for blowing up my inbox. and in fact, come here, come so close right now. i enjoy it so much. i was telling some friends earlier it kind of boggles my mind that i get asks for dove since i've done the one shots here and there and same with headcanons but i still haven't gone back to finish the actual fic- which trust me was/is going places- since september. yikes. so i really like that people keep discovering it and enjoying it. so if you want to see something/know about something, come bombard my inbox.

but you get the exact thing she'd be doing. i've had this conversation with @eliseinmemphis where we- she- made a joke about how dove is very much a gen z girl when it comes to social media and what have you. and this goes along with it. is she aware she's oversharing? probably. does she care? not necessarily because hey maybe she's got a rough pregnancy and wants to talk about how she's uncomfortable or about how no one warned her about xyz thing.

and honestly? her worry about people not being positive is her age difference with austin. like she will until they are safely in the oh 10 years is nothing between older people range she's always going to have a little bit of anxiety. also you have earned a tiny piece of my heart for saying dove and her little bird. 😭

[semperama]

For the writer asks, any one you want to answer nobody has asked yet!

Ahh thank you! I love when someone asks you to chose your own question. <3 I'm going to do 6 and 7, because I love to overshare.

6. What is your darkest fear about writing?

That it's both the only thing I'm good at and that I'm not actually that good at it! That people might read something I write and judge me as a person based on it, and if it's not good enough, that means I'M not good enough. Or that if I'm not personally likeable, maybe I can make up for that by writing things people like, and if I can't do that, then I have nothing. Yikes!! Way too much of my self-worth is wrapped up in writing, I know this, but if there's a way to remedy that, I haven't found it yet!

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

The connection it brings. The fact that I can bring these things in my head out into the world, and other people will read them and have an experience based on that. It actually blows my mind if I think about it too hard. It's like magic, that we can take images from our own heads and put them into other people's. I also just find great joy in telling myself stories. Making things up is just...fun. Even when it's difficult, the finished product is pretty much always worth it.

[hideerie]

some reflections (taken from my journal)...

21/10/23 -- i've officially been at uni for 5 weeks now.

it still hasn't quite hit me that i am a uni student now, let alone a med student. for some reason my brain thinks it's still ok to "wing it" and get through each week with as little effort as possible, just the bare minimum (- something you'd never expect a med student to admit publicly on studyblr).

i'm enjoying this new city and have been exploring whenever i have free time. sometimes it feels like i teleported into the world of pinterest (or the aesthetic sides of tumblr).

however, one thing that is still very much there is:

imposter syndrome.

i kind of knew i'd have imposter syndrome once i start uni but i didn't realise how much it can affect you. thankfully, i've talked to people about it from the get-go which definitely helped, but perhaps it was too soon to overshare like that. oh well, it helped me make friends? + i realised that literally everyone around me felt the exact same, so i think that helped all of us. we're all in the same boat after all, it's important to remember that.

2 weeks ago, the opening line in my journal was all about "information overload, [...] many new experiences in such little time" but now i feel like uni is already quite... underwhelming? i've grown used to this life already; i call my flat "home" and thinking about going back to my actual HOME home feels strange.

i'm glad i've settled in (i think?) but with that comes comfort, which in turns makes the old bad habits resurface again; sleeping late 🡢 waking up late 🡢 barely making it to lectures on time (so much for trying to be early and making a good impression...) and mainly, letting work pile up because i'm too "busy" scrolling on social media, yikes.

at least i've kept my good habit of journaling. regular reflection is important in medicine so it's nice that ive been doing it for years already. if you're an aspiring medic i definitely recommend getting into the habit of journaling in preparation for uni, if not for your own mental wellbeing.

tldr; uni's going well but i havent been focusing on academia as much as i should be. advice for people starting uni: don't let your work pile up, especially online lectures - it's very easy to lose track of it all and ending up overwhelmed. also, join societies - helps with making friends and networking!

[tasteleeknow]

hi i’m sorry if this a bit personal i just love talking about minho to others 😭 but i was wondering how you got into skz? and how you ended up biasing minho? what’s your favorite thing about him? also what’s your favorite thing about him that you like to incorporate into your writing?? you don’t have to answer them im just curious and thought it’d be nice to get a few different questions !! have a good day 🤍

babes unless you are asking info you can find on my drivers license go right ahead i love oversharing ghfdj

how you got into skz? i've been into kpop since 2015 but the only things i knew abt skz until last year was miroh and gods menu and the fact they had two aussies. the thing that pulled me in was maniac partly bc i liked the song but also bc i just was at a point in life where i had the time to do a deep dive and watch their content. i also watched all of jisungs fancams bc i was obsessed with the way he danced and his facial expressions and his itty bitty waist. but yeah the content like skz code is what pulled me in.

how you ended up biasing minho? i actually did not even notice minho at all for the first two months ( i was into jisung then hyunjin at first ) and then as i learned his personality i was like wait why is he the hottest person alive why have i not noticed this and then i got his bubble and yeah yikes. here i am. im demi so i do not feel attraction to ppl until i know their personalities, like at all jfds. so yeah it was a gradual thing and then once i realised he was tsundere with all this softness inside and how weird he was and how smart and the way his sense of humour aligns so perfectly with mine i was... trapped.

what’s your favorite thing about him? ONE? one... um... i'm going to say his humour bc that's so important to me. i just.. adore ppl who are witty and weird and always laughing but then his demeanour the rest of the time balances it for me so he isn't overwhelming. idk his entire being is just so perfect for me it's very hard to pick one thing hfdjs but imagining him without the silliness makes me very sad so

what’s your favorite thing about him that you like to incorporate into your writing? i've noticed a lot of readers say they really like the way i write him and i'm very happy about that bc if i had to change it i'd struggle. i find him so easy to write and i haven't actually figured out why. i think this ties in to the previous answer tho bc it's the banter that i love the most if i had to pick. the snarky comments in the dialogue. he makes dialogue really fun for me which is my favourite part of writing overall.

anyway! this was fun! i could've kept going. i'm great at oversharing but i don't wanna unload an entire essay on you lmao hope you have a great day too ! ♡

[bingeblogging]

The amount of loss I've already experienced this year lol including the first official serious bf who I took too long to figure out I'm in love with

He didn't pass away, it's just a case of me being too careful but simultaneously self sabatoging it to the point of no return

But also that loss includes my will to live

Honestly tho I'm proud for simply doing the bare minimum and still waking up and going to work and being so nice and happy to my colleagues and keeping myself busy at work, but damn, I completely dissolve into a defeated sad individual when I walk into a sink full of month old dishes in the sink in my cluttered and roach infested apartment I share with my mentally ill and messy mom who barely leaves her room, let alone cleans anything... but hey at least I have my own room and 2 cutie cats laying in bed with me though right?

Yeah I could be living with a man who adored me to pieces and would willingly apply lotion to me after I showered and overall called and treated me like a queen. I'd be loved, I'd have (kinda) my own space, I'd finally escape this shit hole. The same that I've been dealing with for my entire 25 years of life.

So here I am, ghosting the 2 "friends" I had left. Ones that are only there if I need them. The ones I can barely call friends because they're so distant. I'd rather severe all ties and be alone than to be the one that always initiates, the one who always gets cancelled on, the one who is never the first choice. Hell, I'm not even a part of the multiple choice question. Not even a "write in" option.

Why do I end up sad, depressed, alone, stuck, when I finally decide to put myself first? Why do I feel 10x worse? Why is it that the older I get, the harder it gets? When will it get better? When will it be my turn to be happy? Why do I feel like I have to push my limits and work extremely hard for things that seem to fall in place for many? Why when I set my mind toward those things that I get kicked back to square one, door slammed in my face, being continuously kicked when I'm already down, when I'm already DOWN BAD IN ROCK BOTTOM'S BASEMENT (ummmm pretty sure I found a new playlist name)

Anyways I might as well share my playlist of all the songs I spiral to, yikes to this whole post

Love how everything I share to the internet is like an overshare, concerning joke and a lowkey cry for help, except I've been doing it for yeaaarrrs and still don't have the answers

[redhairedwolfwitch]

Hello you captivating carrot-top (yes this is a thing now, get with it),

Sounds good, I'm curious to see how things progress in the next part. Ready to see R thrive a little bit! And I too love reading (and writing) a slow burn. It isn't always easy to write though, as it's often in need of a certain climax after the ever increasing anticipation. But it does create a far more immersive story, allowing the audience to become invested in the characters and their journey.

On another note, how has your day been? Or your week? Or your life (maybe let's not go there, unless you want to, in which case, be my guest (although I am in your asks so I suppose I'm actually your guest), I will read and respond as always, promise!)?

Wow, that last part is just absolutely unreadable, I'm sorry, good luck with that.

And as always, much love,

-Chaotic Anon

hello, did you know that the tops of carrots are actually green? the leafy bit hehe (yikes you'll run out of good things fast, or i'll be pleasantly surprised, who knows?)

R's thriving more than a little bit hehehe, it's a bit vague since I avoided giving R a specific national team, but R's career is taking off, which is ironic since it was R's ex that prioritised her career over her relationship with R... now R's flourishing... yeah me writing slowburns and my habit of details mean my fics are not exactly ever short😅

i have been barely leaving my bed the last two days, my period decided that standing and sitting would be when my cramps would hurt and my period decided that ibuprofen would also not work too, so i just end up laying in bed, planning an AMC fic I haven't started writing yet but I want to (i want to do a part 2 of Nothing Stays The Same too, but that's a Mapi x R fic first... hehe) life is flip floppy, going between excited for a future because i'm getting to where i want to be, but it's going slow enough that i feel hopeless and stuck at the moment, i want to do things but i can't even plan the things and it might be oversharing but it feels like i'll never not be in my childhood bedroom, leaving with my parents and feeling like i need permission to leave the house, so as much as i want to explore, it doesn't feel possible. (sorry if that's too much, i think my period just makes me feel more vulnerable to my emotions and the thoughts in my head, maybe that could make a good period fic, who knows?)

honestly i don't know where i'm taking the story, part 3 is very much implied to not be the end, because i'm trying to avoid writing specific scenes until i get some feedback on how it feels, if that makes sense? yeah, i'm trying, but i can say part 3 is done, but part 4 is a possibility, i just want it to be good quality and make sense.

take care, anon of chaos:)

Lux

[askkanjohtrio]

Hello, this is Hassel of Paldea's Elite Four. I just want to apologize for my husband's reaction; you must have spent so much time making those. I really do appreciate the gesture, even if he misunderstood it, and if you wish to send something again (without matcha), I'm sure we would both enjoy it.

((@draconic-artisan))

Nah, it's fine. I'm more surprised about the reason for it more than anything else. I just got so excited seeing people actually enjoy the treats I left laying around, I wasn't really thinking. It feels so unreal hearing multiple people enjoy something that I made . . . Aside from my family. They were the only people that cared about what I did for a while.

Yikes, I'm probably oversharing. I'm sorry.

- Ken

[prismagpie]

That response hit him like a wave of relief. 'I'm so sorry to hear that happened', 'that must have been difficult for you', 'I'm sure your father would be proud of you now'; this was the same old shit he'd been hearing, ad nauseum, for years. He got that people were just trying to be kind but, at some point, the words had begun to lose all meaning. Particularly that last one. His father had never been all that invested in him. That man had always been hard to impress and, well, Ash was not - by his own admission - very impressive. (His aunt certainly hadn't been impressed, if the way she'd kicked him out the second he hit the big one-eight was any indication; it definitely made a for unique birthday gift!) He'd made his peace with that, he was fine with living live according to his own pointless whims. Somehow, hearing someone joke about the whole thing was much more refreshing and in a way he hadn't quite expected. Ash almost thought to suggest switching it to The Whole Fucking Family club but he quickly caught himself, deciding that there was no need to overshare more than he already had done. Besides, he didn't know the first damn thing about her family situation and he wasn't ignorant enough to make assumptions.

However, the sudden the sensation of her hand over his had caught him off-guard enough that he didn't immediately reply. For Ash, such gestures of comfort from strangers weren't exactly common. (This is a thought that he would never entertain himself, it made him sound far too much like a sad, wet, pathetic animal. Yikes!) The second she moved her hands away, he went right back to fidgeting, almost as though it was his default state. It was weird but he could relate to a lot of what she was saying. Those you care about can get hurt, but it's even more common that they are the ones that end up hurting you, the most. Right, Ash knew that one pretty well. He'd tried not let that sort of thinking break his spirit or beat him into the dust and he'd made a good effort to avoid growing cynical but it was hard not to wonder if being tossed around by his guardians like a hot potato had affected him in some irreversible way. Ash wasn't sure if it was reassuring that somebody felt the same way or if it was just flat-out depressing.

With a shake of the head, Ash took the records from her and ran them over with the handheld scanner. The fidgeting was a sign he needed to keep his hands busy and he was better off doing something productive with that unspent energy. "I don't think it's foolish," he said, finally, pulling a plastic bag from under the counter and shaking it out. "I don't think it's foolish at all. Life's always gonna have its ups and downs but the second people stop giving a shit about each other just because times are hard, we're done for." Was that too dramatic? Too catastrophic? Ash wasn't sure. He slipped the record into the bag and, stalling for time while he tried to put his thoughts in order, smoothed it down with his hand. "But people always say that, right? It's the small things. Maybe there's something to that. Even when everything sucks, people are going to cling to anything they can. Take retail jobs, for example. Sometimes it just takes one customer who's nice enough to talk to you like a person to stop you wanting to slam your head off the counter." Here, he handed her the bag, on top of her own playful teasing thrown back at her. "Thanks for that. I'm Ash, by the way. Just so I don't have to be the record store stranger, y'know?"

Truthfully, she hadn't expected him to go into the details of his own life, and Mirai stayed silent as he spoke, unmoving — as if afraid that one wrong turn of her wrist would ruin what trust there seemed to be between strangers.

It was only at his fidgeting that she reached out, unable to help herself, her own hand steady over his. "It's understandable," she spoke carefully, "to become desensitized over tragedy when your own is taken as just another statistic." She worked at her bottom lip, unsure of what else to say. I'm sorry felt useless and empty. I understand was too much of a lie. "Well, I'm glad to have you part of the Daddy Issues club," she decided upon, small teasing grin playing at the corners of her mouth. She lifted her hand from his, apologetic at the accidental physical contact.

At his inquiry, her head tilted slightly to the side, thoughtful. She had never been keen to share too much of her personal life with those around her — especially when it was a stranger at the record store — but she felt as though she owed him more than her usual dismissive answer, after he'd shared his own story. "I've been on both sides," she answered finally, small frown upon her features. "I know how it feels to be worn down by the world, and I've thought that it might be better to simply not care. About anything. Caring is tiring. Those you care about can get hurt, but it's even more common that they are the ones that end up hurting you, the most."

She tried to keep her expression neutral as she remembered the half of her life desperately trying to please her mother; as she remembered the years she spent alone, raising her son. Broken promises, broken trust. "Love and hope — they're messy. But I suppose that's the very condition of being human. Somehow surviving when surrounded by tragedy. The sun still shining. The stranger at the record store still open and trusting." The last sentence was teasing, a small laugh escaping her lips. "Somehow, the possibility of happiness remains." She grinned. "Awfully foolish of me, no?"

[fleetofshippyships-archive]

WIP Meme

Tagged by @belleslettres-love, thanks hun =D

Rules: post the first line of your wip and tag as many people as words.

And since they did a paragraph instead of a sentence...👀 y’all know how I love to overshare while working on stuff, and I’m working on multiple things at once, most of which are different parts of my mdzs mer!au series...

1. 

This is kind of...my current main wip is actually combining 4 finished oneshots/drabbles into one piece and adding transitions and filler scenes to make it flow as best I can and make it a more coherent multi-chapter piece (who am I kidding though, I’ll end up probably doubling the overall word count in new added scenes), here’s the first paragraph of that:

The sound of cricket song fills Wei Wuxian’s ears, the clear, starry sky is filling his vision, and Lan Zhan’s hair is like silk against his fingers. It’s probably the most peaceful and content he’s ever felt. A moment he wishes could go on and on, endlessly.

But, since that was already technically finished as a standalone piece before I started combining these pieces, then the more correct ‘first line/s’ of this wip would be the new scene (which I’m still working on) I wrote to connect that first piece to the second one.

In which case:

Wei Wuxian stared at the ceiling for some time, his reaching hand long fallen back onto the bed. Another dream of seeing Lan Zhan again. Like all the others, it had felt so real. He had stopped visiting that pier in the hopes of seeing Lan Zhan again, but his mind kept sending him back there, night after night.

Still driving myself nuts over the tense change and transitioning it, but...present works really well for that initial dream sequence and I don’t want to re-write it XD wouldn’t be an issue if the first moments of waking weren’t also in present tense, making the transition super awkward, but I refuse to change them because it’s so beautiful and sad, I can’t mess with that 🤷‍♂️ I’ll just probably smack a chapter break between the two and torment my poor readers by leaving it on those sad lines for a few days before uploading the next chapter 😅

Oh man, though, if this was a ‘last line’ of your wip meme, y’all readers of my mer!au would lose your shit, I still squeal and flail whenever I look at the last lines of the last part that’s going into this multi-chapter set XD 

2.

Lan Xichen turned his face into the breeze. It ruffled his hair a little, what few strands weren’t smoothly pressed back, at least. It was still an almost uncomfortable sight, how similar their features were.

👀👀

3.

Wei Wuxian waited until Jiang Cheng was out of sight, and then his shoulders slumped. He lifted his hands to cover his face and inhaled slowly. He could barely contain himself, remembering Jiang Cheng caring for him like a younger brother, or maybe even a son. After the suspicion had passed, at least, but even then, he had been kinder to Wei Wuxian than he would have expected.

I went and started a mini-follow up to my 27k de-aged wwx fic that I may or may not have finished and may or may not still end up deleting, which was itself an alternate of an unposted oneshot focusing on lwj and lxc’s part of this same story and which I may or may not end up deleteting since I didn’t like it and that’s why I went and wrote jc and wwx’s side...sometimes it just be like that 🤷‍♀️ and god i want to write jin ling’s pov of the whole fucking thing too but yikes NO i need to stop

4.

Kasen turned from the sheets he had just hung to dry, just for a moment, to see if Ookurikara’s distasteful state continued. He was resolved to say something if it did. There was only so much he could stand, and there was established etiquette for such things.

Whoops, also started a Kurikasen soulmate au cos I was throwing soulmate headcanons around with someone at like 2 in the morning and that’s a surefire recipe to get me writing (and in fact that’s how I started writing kurikasen in the first place, we were talking about them and I went onto ao3 and saw there 3 fics about them, went and was like OMG WHY to them, starting headcanoning with them and then hey next thing I knew I’d written 2 drabbles and it was 3am). But then while I started writing it we kept talking about it...so I sort of plotted the whole thing out and now my interest in writing it has plummeted so I’ll probably never finish it...but I’ve still been tinkering with it anyway...

5.

“Pick herbs?”

“Yes. Herbs, mushrooms, anything. Just send him out of the castle for a day or two. If he stays a moment longer he’s going to cause an incident and—” Arthur stopped speaking abruptly.

Gaius raised both his eyebrows. “You are the prince, your highness. If you wish him to be gone for a time, why not order him yourself?”

“Oh, if there’s one thing I’ve learned about my useless servant, it’s that the only person he will actually listen to is you, Gaius,” Arthur said, sounding uncharacteristically bitter.

Sooo, @april-thelightfury115 I haven’t forgotten I owe you a merthur fic, and this isn’t technically the start of it, but it’s the start of the doc it’s in, I’m sort of writing bits of it out of order as they come to me. I haven’t written Merthur for so long and I don’t usually write with such a clear idea outline in my head so...we’ll see XD but I’m trying =)

ANYWAY

There’s a couple more small things here and there, I’ve been having such a hard time maintaining focus so I’ve just been hopping around my wips doing a little here and there, but let’s leave it with those 5 main things =)

And, I dunno who to tag @rockmarina and @sarah-yyy come to mind...anyone who wants to be tagged in things like this leave a reply and I’ll note it down somewhere for future reference, I really can’t rely on my memory to recall who I know that writes, and the writers I’ve been talking to lately are all on discord or twitter...and I’m never sure if I should tag all the HP writers I know when I do these and they’re not about HP anymore 😅