#yifan writing

[luhans-cumstained-body]

our special, little secret 🎀

fandom(s) ; exo pairing ; lu han x wu yifan (krishan) summary ; lu han loved his father. he loved him so much he'd let him do just about anything he would want with him. while yifan can't help but think his son was just growing up to be prettier by the day. wordcount ; 4.1k content ; pwp, anal sex, anal fingering, large cock, crossdressing, creampie, loss of virginity, feminization, daddy kink warnings ; father/son incest, grooming, underaged (teen)

read the full thing on ao3 - here ! there's a small preview under the cut.

Lu Han knew it was bad, he wasn’t stupid. Even if his peers loved to tell him he was. His Daddy wasn’t meant to touch him there, but he did and he always explained that was Daddy’s special way of showing he loved him. They had to keep it a secret though, or Lu Han’s mother would feel jealous. It started when Lu Han was going on fourteen, that was the first time Yifan came into his room when everyone was supposed to be asleep. Lu Han was sleepy, confused and not remotely uncomfortable as his father pulled his duvet back and shortly after tried tugging down Lu Han’s briefs. He kissed Lu Han’s cheek, who hummed content in the darkness with a huge grin on his face with the show of affection, eyes still closed because Daddy told him it was all fine. Mindlessly, Lu Han had turned to lay on his stomach when told and while his brows did furrow when he felt Yifan’s large hand run across his ass, he stayed put. Too trusting, devoted and simply loving his father. Maybe it did border on him being in love. There was a gentle reminder for Lu Han to relax when he felt a wetted finger enter him, when he all too naturally tensed around what was penetrating him so unexpectedly. Instinctively, always wanting to make his father happy, Lu Han apologized as he was being molested. ...

[audriel]

behind the scenes: let's start thinkin' bout it

chapter 2 : lingering wounds

this chapter really writes itself. all i have clearly in mind is a conversation between Qiao Yifan and Wang Jiexi. i have thought of writing the remaining All Stars, but the conversation ends up much bigger than i expected. definitely more angst and hurt-comfort, which is me going back to my roots lol. it also makes it harder to find a proper ending. after scrapping some rough ideas, this is the end result that i am pretty satisfied with.

this chapter can be said an analysis of Tiny Herb. and I know how risky it is, and it's rather hard to avoid bias. but Tiny Herb is among the teams that we do have more knowledge of their inner workings from the novel. and i must admit, while i admire Wang Jiexi and his dedication to Tiny Herb (fangwang is also one of my fave pairings), for me current Tiny Herb is not impressive... and its future is worrisome.

my bad impression did indeed start with the way they handled Qiao Yifan. it can be summed up as a mere mismatch between Qiao Yifan and Tiny Herb. that our Yifan is unsuitable for Tiny Herb and vice versa. that ultimately Tiny Herb is an employer and workplace, that this kind of thing does a common occurrence. no one is at fault. we just happened to be spoiled with teams like Happy and Blue Rain who are in comparison very flexible and inclusive. (then there's God Ye, who stands tall above the rest, who notices things that the Magician doesn't)

but i cannot help but disagree.

in my experience as an employee (or capitalist slave lol) who ends up studying about business&management, human resource is the greatest investment a company or any business can have. it can make or break the business. so usually, HR recruitment and training get a lot of attention, if not a priority. so it's no wonder that all teams will have their own training camps, so they will have easier time to mold and pick their future team members. especially there's an obvious quota or limitation of how many people can be in the team. then there's also nature of the teams, which highly requires ability to adapt and to work with others. this should make being promoted to the team very difficult. the ones who did get to be a member of the team, even though only a sub, should be the cream of the crop.

Qiao Yifan is no exception.

this is clearly implied in the novel when it's mentioned that he has only played Glory for a year by the time we got to know him (Ch147). only further strengthened with how quick he adjusts to Ghostblade class and to rough diamond Happy in the new server.

However, Qiao Yifan has never played an official match, to the point that all pro players and the All Stars' audience have no idea of his existence in Tiny Herb. and by then half season have passed.

half season!

(forget how strange the timeline is, s8 is a mess)

that's such a waste of time and money. seriously. HR is an investment because the result will not show immediately. HR is also costly because they put a lot of money into developing the people into what the company need. recruiting a fully developed talent (transfer) is expensive, so it's usually more cost effective to acquire from universities (training camp) and develop them in the company (the team).

how can you develop your team member without giving them experience??? especially when it's highlighted throughout the novel, through many pro players, how important experience is. how it's the only way for a rookie turn into a veteran.

not only it doesn't make sense from business standpoint, it also doesn't make sense from team standpoint. by benching Qiao Yifan, Wang Jiexi has crippled his own team, reducing the potential strategies he can use. and by not giving him a chance to grow, thus reducing his chance to stay, requiring Tiny Herb to seek and acquire and train/introduce another new person, adding another new variable into the team that might end up the same.

then there's Wang Jiexi's thoughts of Qiao Yifan.

Wang Jiexi already couldn't see any value in keeping Qiao Yifan in the team. He also knew the kid was having a hard time meshing with the team. Perhaps if he wasn't in a Champion team and in some other no pressure mid-tier team, he might be able to make some progress? -Ch144

made worse with the rare time Qiao Yifan shows any negative feelings towards others.

"How lucky... to be instructed by a god-level player like captain so often..." Qiao Yifan silently thought. -Ch145

on my the first time reading it and on my reread, these words still rub me the wrong way. first, it's so cold and ruthless. he strips down Qiao Yifan to his value to the team. okay, we can accept that it's necessary in such highly competitive environment that is Glory. you cannot just add all good vegetables into the shopping cart, just like Ye Xiu said. second and my greatest source of vexation is that he knows that Qiao Yifan is not meshing with team, but his solution is to put Qiao Yifan in an environment with no pressure? really? true to his magician, title his reasoning doesn't make sense, which irks me so much. because it doesn't seem he bothers to know the reason why.

teamwork requires everyone to work together. it's a relationship of mutual trust and respect. it takes all sides to make it work. from his thoughts, it gives me the impression the fault lies in Qiao Yifan for being weak, for buckling under the pressure, thus not gaining trust and respect from his teammates for them to willing to work with him.

the least kind explanation for his way of thinking is that Tiny Herb's self-sacrificing values are taken to the extreme. considering he has changed my playstyle for the team and the championship, he really cannot fathom why the others can't. the less kind explanation is that being a genius make him unable to understand others who are not. the kindest explanation is that he's too busy to instruct the substitutes personally, which is reasonable considering Tiny Herb's overdependence on him, so he cannot really see the problem in Qiao Yifan. he might leave that job to his vice captain, which unfortunately for Qiao Yifan is Deng Fusheng, who might not even fully understand why Wang Jiexi assigns Qiao Yifan an Assassin account to properly instruct him.

it might also be all of them. if we think kindly of Wang Jiexi, he might be aware of his shortcoming, so he relies on his vice captain in developing and training the rookies. Fang Shiqian is particularly good at this, as seen from the main roster that used to have Fang Shiqian as the vice captain. case in point, his attempts in recruiting new member for his team after Fang Shiqian retired are by acquiring developed talents: Xu Bin, an exchange with Li Yihui, Tang Rou and Qiu Fei who have been personally instructed by Ye Xiu.

this kinda explains his cold rationality. and the way he handles Gao Yingjie. whose personality is not much different than Qiao Yifan. it really gives an impression he really doesn't know how to deal with such a different personality compared to his own. that's why he takes such an extreme approach, by losing publicly against Gao Yingjie, which i don't think it's well thought out.

it might be just me, but in my own experience in teaching people (and also from Ye Xiu/Happy and Wei Chen/Blue Rain's example), in order to build confidence it's not really that complicated. just let them gain experience, let them try and fail, but also make sure they know that failure is not the end of the world, that they have the team's support and understanding. that's it. others might scorn them, but the team will have their back. call it tough love. call it a balance of care and cruelty. everyone's a beginner at first, even geniuses. meanwhile, Gao Yingjie is too well-protected. he's kept from hardship too much. that's why i've got the feeling that Wang Jiexi's approach has a high chance of blowing up on his (and Tiny Herb's) face.

and also why future Tiny Herb is worrisome, because it's not only the team who is overly dependent on Wang Jiexi, the whole club, too. it can be minimized if Wang Jiexi stays after retirement... but i feel he will be as decisive as his predecessors. Gao Yingjie will have such big shoes to fill, if not too big.

then there's the team environment.

particularly among the reserve players, which eerily reminds me of Excellent Era's training camp, which might be what Ye Xiu's also thinking with his comment of role model and crutch to Wang Jiexi after the match.

Is he saying that I've been working too hard all this time? But when you were in Excellent Era, weren't you also giving your all to carry the team on your shoulders? Wang Jiexi watched Ye Xiu's retreating silhouette. -Ch1334

in the later match against Thunderclap, it seems that Wang Jiexi does stop trying too hard and let himself being isolated from the others in order to reduce the dependence and in the playoffs against Samsara, it suggests that the younger members manage to make a turnaround. that it bodes well for the future of Tiny Herb.

but here's the thing. it only shows hope for the current main roster of the team. the subs? they don't really have the proper mindset. it's shown in the way they barely worked together and then lost against Lord Grim and co., in the way they made excuses, made worse with Xiao Yun's behavior when he's being the most senior, the one considered as half-main roster and half-sub, but also always being sought to be replaced by Wang Jiexi. no wonder he acts out, bullies are often insecure. this paints a rather grim picture of the championship team environment that Wang Jiexi (and Tiny Herb) creates, and also the double standard he's shown in the different way he treats Gao Yingjie compared to other rookies.

there's a ticking time bomb right there.

the problem might even lay deeper, or start sooner in the training camp. this is a high possibility, considering how Qiao Yifan got promoted despite his unsuitability and how Wang Jiexi is always seen looking outside the team for potential talent.

that's why i come to the conclusion that Tiny Herb's future looking grim. being a rich championship team in the capital, they might manage to draw high-quality talents, but if they are unable to develop them... they might be left behind other teams with better team environment, championship team or not (Thunderclap, for example).

wow it ends up long, i actually want to add my thoughts about Qiao Yifan's characterisation. but i think the chapter speaks for itself. just because we see Qiao Yifan moving on, focusing on the good things, showing no resentment towards Tiny Herb. it doesn't mean he's not hurt. i am close to tears when i read Qiao Yifan's thoughts during his time in Tiny Herb. he's just a kid. it needs to be acknowledged, by themselves, and by the club. it might create a better environment for them all.

[hils79]

Writing patterns

Rules: List the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there's a pattern! Thank you @merinnan @killerandhealerqueen & @alxina for tagging me 💜

Terms and Conditions

Leaving Wu Xie at home while he heads into Beijing to conduct some business is a lot easier for Pangzi now that they’re retired.

2. Hard to Catch the Wind

There’s a subtle art to getting Hongjoong to take care of his own health and wellbeing.

3. Man, Interrupted

Retirement was never something Pangzi really thought about when he was younger.

4. Alone in the Dark

Deep down Pangzi has always known that one day a tomb he ventured into would end up becoming his own.

5. Here In My Arms

These are the moments Pangzi will cherish until his dying day.

6. Carry You Home

Zhang Qiling is slowly starting to accept that there are people in the world that he cares about, and who care about him in return.

7. Strength in Numbers

Qiao Yifan is still getting used to all this - this being surrounded by people who actually notice him and listen to what he has to say.

8. Any Port in a Storm

“Are you sure you’ll be okay without me?”

9. Life Through a Lens 

The nerves churn in Liu Sang’s stomach, burning up into his throat until he feels like they might choke him.

10. Xiao Xiaoge

“Tianzhen, don’t touch—”

The only real pattern that I can see is that they're all quite short and snappy opening lines. IDEK. I have no idea what I'm doing at the best of times.

Not sure who has already done this so no pressure if you don't want to play but tagging @leatherbookmark @strandedchesspiece @s1utspeare @morkofday @thesilversun @silver-colour @pangzi

[chinainstituteylc2024]

YLC 2024 Day 8,Monday, July 22

It is our big working day for the Youth Forum. All 37 students participated with their well-prepared presentations for 4 roundtable discussions: Tech+Future; Our Place, Our Home; People and Culturd; Action! Over 20 Chinese students and 8 students from Chicago also joined the forum for a morning of engaging discussions. Nothing is more meaningful than get the young people of both U.S. and China together and share their thoughts, concerns and understanding of each other face to face.

The students really made us proud!

Photo credit: CEAIE Text credit: Shenzhan Liao, China Institute in America

…Thinking back to the past few weeks, I would have never imagined that I would be standing up here in this hotel, with many friends around. But I’ve done so much. I’ve climbed the Great Wall even though I felt like quitting multiple times on my way up. It was from the support of my friends like Jayden and Rebecca who were alongside me that I was able to keep pushing myself to climb those steep stairs and brave through the large crowds of bugs. Moving on to Chengdu, I saw more the just the pandas. I also tasted the delicious Sichuan cuisine with my host family, Tommy here, showed me. Being here in China, I have only further realized the importance of cultural communication and connection, and the need for us all to work together to create a better future for all. It was wonderful hearing everyone’s performance today and the ideas to improve the world during the Youth Forum and I hope that we can make lasting change.

Photo credit: CEAIE

Text credit: Matthew Zhang, Brooklyn Technical High School

Hello I am Yifan, and I am writing to you from Chengdu, Kuan Zhai Xiang. As we walk down this small, but busy alley, we notice an array of snacks and foods in all shapes and sizes, colors and smells. One such odd shaped foods is 波斯糖or Persian sugar. They look like strands of tread, having been hand pulled carefully by skilled craftsman. Then the now fine sugar are wrapped in rolls and filled with sesame powder and other raw materials. Originally, 波斯糖 was founded in the Qing Dynasty, after Emperor Qian Long traveled down to Tianfu, Chengdu, and tasted the delicate candy that melts instantly in your mouth. He adored it so much that he made them tribute them presented to the imperial court. Ever since then, 波斯糖became a royal delicacy.

The shop really caught my attention, the giant pot of sesame powder and the sugar craftsman work tirelessly, pulling the sugar into fine treads. Each individual action of pulling and stretching the candy bringing the first clunky, hot sugar into the thin, dainty 波斯糖.

Text and photo credit：Yifan Zhang，High School for Environmental Studies

There are many features of a culture that connects people around the world; for example, the musical and artistic performances we experienced today. The performance included the usage of traditional Chinese dances, makeup style, and clothing. After the memorable performance, we all shown appreciation to the performer by applauding and taking pictures. It was an amazing day and I hope I may experience this again!

Text and photo credit：Calvin Zhou，Brooklyn Technical High School

[blueberry-ash]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (except me because obvs I have done it). Spread the self-love ❤

This was much harder than I’d thought it would be! It did, however, give me a dorky excuse to spend an otherwise grumpy-bad afternoon re-reading some things, which I’ve not done in—I don’t know, actually—I don’t really re-read my own things very often at all? If ever, in many cases. (Love swinging between “Christ, this author has some hard-to-parse sentences sometimes” and “sure does like a lot of the same things as me, though!!” XD)

Anyway! in no particular order:

not a roof but a field of stars TKA (LA), An Wenyi/Mo Fan/Qiao Yifan, 19000 words, rated E. Summary: An Wenyi buys himself an apartment, specifically to be on his own for once—only to end up inviting Mo Fan and Qiao Yifan to share it with him.

the older the ginger (the spicier it gets) TKA (LA), Qiao Yifan/Wei Chen, 12000 words, rated E. Summary: Qiao Yifan goes to Wei Chen for sex lessons. Wei Chen gets more than he’d bargained for. (The silliest, most shameless fic, and one I had a huge amount of fun writing. God but I wish other people would write this pairing for me XD)

everything that i’ve imagined TKA (LA), Gao Yingjie/Qiao Yifan, 9k words, rated E. Summary: In which Qiao Yifan is so fever-sick he thinks Gao Yingjie—who has come to help take care of him—isn’t really there; accidental confessions ensue. (A huge favourite, in no small part because me fretting about it is how I got myself a @geniuskaktus in my DMs <3).

free pass TKA (frankencanon), Gao Yingjie/Qiao Yifan, 12,000 words, rated E. Summary: Drunken shenanigans after Xu Bin’s wedding, featuring a pining Qiao Yifan deciding that a one night stand would surely be better than never being with Gao Yingjie at all. Also featuring Gao Yingjie’s hand kink.

Never Meant To Be The Rescue Crew TKA, Luo Ji & Baozi, 2k words, rated T. Summary: Space AU, written for Masquerade, and one of those stories that makes me go feral in a Why Don't I Write More Things Like This kinda way.

[soft-jihoonie]

Cat / 26 / she/her - requests are open

Masterlist key:

Angst: 💥

Fluff: ☁️

Suggestive/mature/smut: 🔥

Completed: 💯

Poly:⚡️

Reader insert: ⭐️

EXO

I Keep Falling For You 💥☁️💯

Baby Don’t Go Series Part 1

ChanBaek - university AU - 45.3K words

Chapters | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | AO3

I Wanna Stay By You Forever 💥☁️🔥

Baby Don’t Go Series Part 2

Chensoo - university AU - 35.5k words - in progress

Chapters | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | AO3

#Whipped 💥☁️

ChanSoo BaekChen SeKai XiuHan KrisHo - chatroom style fic - 14.6k words - in progress

Disclaimer: this fic was started prior to Yifan’s arrest and I do not support him in any way. Any further chapters including him merely write him as a character for continuity

Chapters | 1-9 | AO3

I Hated You But I Want You ⭐️

Chanyeol x reader - university au - 2,022 words

Chapters | 1 | 2 |

BTS

I Worked All Night, Every day 💥☁️💯⚡️⭐️

BTSxReader - coffee shop au - 38.9K Words

AO3

Tell Me What You Want Right Now 💥☁️⭐️🔥

YoongixReader - university au - sugar daddy concept - On Hold - 7.6K Words

 One - Two - AO3 version

In These Coming Years Many Things Will Change, But The Way I Feel Will Remain The Same 💥☁️💯

Yoonmin - university au - One Shot - 3.1K Words

One Shot - AO3

Seventeen

No Hands ⭐️🔥💯 - 18+ only - Minors DNI

Woozi/Jihoon x reader - one shot - 957 words

One Shot

[darkmaga-returns]

This issue of the international edition of Wenhua Zongheng explores the widely debated topic of de-dollarisation. The articles examine the US dollar’s hegemonic status in the international economic order, efforts across the Global South to develop alternatives, and the role of the BRICS in this process.

By Paulo Nogueira Batista Jr.

The papers brought together in the present issue of Wenhua Zongheng seek to throw light upon topics of major interest for the international economy. In particular, the issue takes up the popular and widely discussed matter of de-dollarisation. Is it needed? Is it possible in practice and, if so, in what time-frame? How can or should countries interested in de-dollarisation proceed? Can the BRICS jointly or individually help move this forward? Could China step in to provide its currency, the renminbi, as an alternative to the US dollar?

All or most of these questions are discussed in the papers written by professors Gao Bai, Yu Yongding, and Ding Yifan. I have also tried my hand at writing about de-dollarisation three times in the recent past.1

In this prefatory note, I will come back to some aspects of the ongoing debate, trying not to repeat myself too much and addressing at the same time issues raised in the three papers by the Chinese scholars.

As is well-known, de-dollarisation has become a hot topic since 2022, when the United States and Europeans decided to block a large part of Russia’s international reserves in response to the invasion of Ukraine, as described by Yu Yongding. Western officials and experts have traditionally lectured developing countries about the need to adopt ‘confidence-building’ policies and to respect property rights. In retrospect, this is truly amazing. The freezing of Russian assets and the more recent threats to move towards outright confiscation are major ‘confidence-destroying’ steps, doing great harm to the US dollar and the Euro. These actions set off an alarm for countries like China, a major holder of US dollar bonds as part of its international reserves. Any country experiencing conflicts with the US and the rest of the West immediately realised that steps were needed to reduce their reliance on the US dollar and the Western financial system. Efforts were intensified in many parts of the world to use national currencies in international transactions, to build or reinforce alternative payments systems, to rely more on the Chinese renminbi, and even to create a new BRICS reference currency. Undeniably, what we have seen is a major self-inflicted blow by the US and Europe. The three Chinese professors have made in their papers significant contributions to the discussion of all these challenges.

[ddcapitalfund]

China’s Reopening, Boon or Bane for Global Markets?

Following the economic hardships brought on by its Zero Covid policy, China’s economy is finally reopening, but there are ongoing debates as to whether it will help or hinder the global fight against inflation.

By Marco Di Dionisio

March 3, 2023

China is just now emerging from three years of harsh Covid-driven policies, including the most recent “Zero Covid” regime which shut down the country entirely, as the rest of the world was reopening. As China now begins to return to normal, there are many diverging opinions as to what that will bring.

All one needs to do is to look at recent headlines coming from major hedge funds, financial institutions and the press, many with opposing takes on what it means for the global economy. Let’s take a look at some of them.

Goldman Sachs: “China’s Reopening could Drive Stocks up 20%”.

Wall Street Journal: “China’s Reopening Complicates Global Fight Against Inflation”.

Barron’s: China’s Reopening Unlikely to Spark a Surge in Commodity Prices”.

La Salle: “Reopening brings clear positives for the Chinese economy and its real estate markets, though the risk of a renewed rise in global inflation should be watched”.

Reuters: “China Reopening is a Mixed Blessing for Inflation”.

Blackrock: “The boost from this year’s restart will be a one-off, just as we’ve seen elsewhere in the world. So, attention should also be on what comes next. And we expect longer-term growth to be significantly slower than before the pandemic”.

As the headlines make clear, there is no widespread consensus on whether the reopening of China’s economy will bring more good (growth and exports) or bad (inflation) to the global fight against rising prices. 

As in many cases, the truth probably lies somewhere in the middle, however, it is hard to argue against the fact that, after the almost total shut down of an economy the size of China’s, we are likely to see the return of some inflationary factors that Central Banks have worked so hard to stave off.

China’s economy was crippled by its “Zero Covid” policies, dropping GDP from 8.1% in 2021 to just 3% this year. The country’s announcement of drastically loosening restrictions on Dec. 7th is likely to be welcomed by most Central Bankers, however, there are some concerns that it could, in the long run, make their fight against inflation more complicated.

The key could be oil prices. As consumption ramps back up on the Chinese mainland, demand for oil is also likely to increase,  driving up prices. Oil has played a major role in inflation as the war in Ukraine exacerbated an already dangerously high inflationary period just as Central Banks around the world were scrambling to reverse years of low-to-zero interest rate policies in an attempt to quell a global rise in prices.

Also, Russia announced on February 24th that it is cutting its oil production by 500,00 barrels per day (roughly 5% of its total output) in an attempt to retaliate against Western sanctions. The move could further exacerbate supply constraints in the oil market, which had so far, largely ignored the disruptions in Russia’s oil industry.

Add to that some seasonality that favors a rise in prices at the pump. Summer normally sees an increase in gas prices as the travel season ramps up. This, along with an inevitable spike in demand for oil coming from China, adds to the factors lining up that could make the Federal Reserve’s job of trying to crush inflation, through record hikes in interest rates, that much more difficult. 

What are the positives of China’s reopening? As Stella Yifan Xie writes for the Wall Street Journal, it will inevitably lead to an improvement in supply chain bottlenecks, which is likely to ease some inflationary pressures.

Growth is sure to get a boost from renewed Chinese participation in the global economy and we’re already seeing a resurgence in manufacturing in Asia due to a gradual recovery of Chinese demand and investment appetite. How long this boost will last, however, is the real question.

Whether China’s reopening will lead to long term inflationary effects is still to be seen, however, it is likely to complicate matters for Central Banks that are taking extraordinary measures, like the Fed, to quell a global rise in prices. 

Whether the positives of China’s reopening can outweigh the negatives is yet to play out. And while oil isn’t the only commodity that could see a spike in prices, it is one that, as we saw following the start of the war in Ukraine, is capable of playing its part and adding fuel to an inflationary cycle that much of the world is desperately trying to put in its rearview mirror.

[kpop---scenarios]

If Only

For my sad bb @mntax I hope you feel better soon ♡

You laid on the floor, curled up in the fetal position, crying. You body felt as though it was paralyzed, unable to move even the smallest muscle. You felt like your world was crumbling before you and there was nothing you could do to stop it.

All you wanted was to be happy.

You had a good life, with an amazing boyfriend. A decent job, friends, family you had almost everything, yet at the same time it felt like you had absolutely nothing.

Your body was empty, your happiness was no where to be found and you didn't know why. You were fine. You had been fine, until you weren't.

You were fine when your boyfriend left for work. You were final while you ate breakfast, yet you could feel yourself sinking.

You were sinking into the darkness quickly, and no matter how hard you searched for an anchor, any kind of anchor, everything was out of reach from you.

You left your breakfast on the table and slowly walked towards the living room. Your legs felt weak beneath your body, your chest felt heavy as the darkness consumed your entire body.

You sank down to the floor, curling into a ball as the tears poured from your eyes without any permission from you.

You laid there through any knocks or doorbell rings at your door. You laid there through the phone calls and texts you recieved throughout the day. You could see your phone lighting up but you couldn't do anything about it.

You ignored the growling from your stomach as you assumed lunch time came and gone. You ignored the pounding headache from all your crying. You ignored the aches in your body from laying on the floor for so long.

As the front door opens, you hear your boyfriend calling for you, as he usually does when he gets home, and you would usually come out of a room to greet him, but not today. Today you couldn't move.

He called out for you again and again with no answer. He walked inside more, and finally saw your whimpering body curled up on the floor.

"Baby?" Kris gasps, dropping to his knees beside you. "What's wrong? Are you hurt?" He panics.

"I'm so sad. I don't know what happened, but I can't break it" you whisper, your voice monotone.

"Oh baby" he sighs, scopping you up off the floor, and taking you to the bedroom.

He gently lays you on the bed with him, your body almost ontop of his.

"I'm sorry" you whisper, the tears falling out again.

"Sorry for what?" He asks confused.

"For not doing anything. For laying on the floor all day. For being sad" you whisper.

"Oh baby" Kris sighs again. "You have nothing to apologize for. Nothing else matters other than you, okay? I need you to be okay and if theres anything I can do, you tell me"

"I wish I didn't feel like this" you whisper, nuzzling your head into his neck.

"I wish I could take it from you, I would in a heartbeat" he says.

"If only I could.." he whispers to your peaceful sleeping body.

Kris hopes in your dreams you find some happiness.

He would give you all of his, if only he could.

[kpoptrashlord-007]

[itstheoneshot]

Scenario: Coming out as trans to your EXO member boyfriend.

Request.

Part 1.

Part 2 here!

Xiumin:

Minseok lifts his gaze to meet yours, looking away from the food that you had made for him to repeat your words back to you.

“You’re trans?” He asks.

“Mhmm...” You reply, staring intently as you try to gauge his reaction.

Minseok nods his head absentmindedly, lost in thought, until he looks as if a lightbulb has gone off in his mind.

“Baby, does that mean you’re gonna call me hyung now?” He asks.

This has you laughing, though Minseok looks unsure whether to laugh along, too. You take his hand in yours, and kiss his fingertips one by one, until you are ready to speak again.

“Seokkie, when did I ever call you oppa anyway?” You giggle, “You’re still my Jagiya.”

Luhan:

It took Luhan a little while to come around to the idea, not fully grasping it at first, he had so many questions, but was afraid that he was being intrusive by asking them. This morning you had told him that you were hoping to start Testosterone shots, and now he only had more that he wanted to know.

“Tián xīn, you look confused. What’s up?” You ask him.

His eyes light up as you call to him, and you smile, assuring him that it is okay to ask whatever is on his mind.

“Your voice is going to break, isn’t it?” He queries.

“It will.” You reply, “And I’m a little afraid that I won’t be able to sing anymore.”

“We can find you a singing trainer to help!” He replies enthusiastically, “But, I am going to be so jealous if your voice ends up deeper than mine.”

Kris:

“Yifan, I’m trans”

You were laying in bed on a Sunday morning, neither of you wanting to get up, when you rolled over to face Yifan and decided now was the right time to spill your biggest secret.

Yifan is quiet for a moment, as he processes your words, he sits up and pulls you onto his lap to join him, so that he can look you in the eyes, he can see tears welling in them as you are so afraid of his reaction.

“Baby, it’s okay.” He replies, brushing your cheek with his fingertips, “Do you have any idea what kind of changes you want to make?”

“I want top surgery,” You start, before nervously asking “Are you still going to love me?”

Yifan chuckles at this, grabbing you under the thighs to pull you closer to him. His hands slide from your thighs, to cup your ass instead as he leans forward to kiss you.

“Of course, I love you for you, and want you to be happy.” He says, laughing before continuing, “And, you know I’m an ass man, anyway.”

Suho:

You had brought a book home, in hopes of getting Junmyeon to understand. You knew that he would be able to grasp the concept of binary transgender, like male to female, or vice versa, but you are nonbinary, and you thought he might struggle.

“Jun, I am not a woman, or a man. I’m like... somewhere in the middle.” You attempt to explain.

Jun furrows his brows, and pouts his lips in thought, you can tell that he is trying his hardest to follow along. Though you know that you are the first nonbinary person he has met, so you can only imagine how confusing this must be for him, hell, it has been confusing enough for you to understand your own gender.

“Are you upset?” You ask him.

“What? No! I’m just, I am confused, but... you’re still my baby... person?” He replies.

You laugh at this, having been called ‘his baby girl’ for so long, his attempt to be supportive has you melting.

“Just baby is fine, Myeonnie.”

Lay:

When you told Yixing that you were transgender, he was a little confused at first. You had struggled to find the words to explain it to him in Mandarin, so he had pulled out his phone to research and understand what you were telling him.

“So... you are really a man?” He asks, his tone sincere, with genuine curiosity.

“I am, is that... okay with you?” You ask.

“Yes, of course!” He replies, eyes widening as he is shocked by your fear of him not being alright with your true self.

“You are still going to love me all the same though, right?” He asks, pulling back so that he can make eye contact.

“Yes, Yixing, as long as you’ll love me the same, too.” You reply.

Yixing smiles at you, leaning forward to press a kiss to your forehead.

“I can’t believe I have a boyfriend now, and the hottest one ever.” He sighs in content.

Baekhyun:

Baekhyun almost burst into tears when you had come out to him. He had noticed your drastic shift in mood over the last few weeks, as you had so badly wanted to tell him, but your anxiety had gotten the better of you, convincing yourself that he would leave the second he found out that you were going to medically transition into the gender you were.

“Oh, really?! That’s great, Jagiya! Wait, is Jagiya still okay to use? It’s gender neutral right? Is there something else you would rather I called you?” He asks question after question.

“Jagiya is fine, Baek!” You say, as he pulls you in to rest your head on his chest.

“I’m proud of you, Jagi. This must have been a really hard thing to deal with alone for so long, but I am here now, and I love you, so what’s first?” He asks.

“First... new wardrobe, and haircut.” You reply, pondering just how much you want to change.

“Great! I need a haircut too, let’s go together.” Baekhyun responds, “But we can’t have matching haircuts, as much as I’m sure you want to look just like me.”

Part 2!

[arvion-creates]

Wei Chen has a pet and brings it with him to Happy and everyone is enamored with this pet. (It is probably something that is perfectly happy being ignored for hours on end as they all play Glory, but still, it's an animal, and it's their mascot now.)

Anonymous asked: *does a little dance* weiye where wc has pet rats

--

“Fine, I’ll go take a break,” Wei Chen said, and he went outside to calm down. Ye Xiu gave him a moment, then went out to check on him. 

Ye Xiu expected to smell the familiar acidity of a cigarette, but Wei Chen didn’t appear to be smoking. Instead, he was focused on something in his hands. Ye Xiu only caught a glimpse of fur before Wei Chen noticed his presence. 

“Fuck, fuck, didn’t anyone ever tell you not to sneak up on people?” 

“What’s that?” Ye Xiu asked

“It’s nothing,” Wei Chen denied. Ye Xiu gave him an unimpressed look, and the two had a silent stand-off for a moment. 

Wei Chen gave in first. “Fine, fine. Here.” Wei Chen reached into his pocket and pulled out a rat. He handed it to Ye Xiu, who unenthusiastically accepted. “This is Chili.” He then pulled out a second rat. “And this is Pepper. Do not tell the others.” 

Ye Xiu looked at the brown-and-white rat sniffing his fingers. “How long have you had these?” 

“About six months,” Wei Chen answered. “They’re very well behaved. Can you imagine if Boss Chen found out? She’d freak.” 

“How did you even get these here?” The rat in Ye Xiu’s hands was now starting to crawl up his arm. Wei Chen took a moment to appreciate how off-guard the three-time champion team captain looked before taking mercy on him and taking the rat back, placing her on his shoulder. 

“What else was I supposed to do with them? It’s not like I planned on joining a grassroots team when I got pets.” As if to demonstrate the practicalities of ‘how’, Wei Chen put the grey rat-- Pepper-- in his hoodie pocket. 

Ye Xiu thought for a moment. “You’ll have to tell everybody sooner or later” 

Wei Chen sighed again, accepting the implausibility of just keeping his pets secret for the next two years. “I know.”

[audriel]

let's start thinkin' bout it

Qiao Yifan suddenly finds himself several years in the past. And somehow, so does Fang Rui.

Inspired by just stop thinkin' bout it by Syncogon

Special thanks to Syncogon who gives me permission to write a continuation for their wonderfully intriguing time-travel story with my favorite characters: Fang Rui and Qiao Yifan. Special mention to everyone in TKA Discord who gives me encouragement to write and publish more, and who also looks forward for more in this universe. I hope I do not disappoint. Happy Chinese New Year!

After parting ways with Qiao Yifan, Fang Rui rushes back to where Wind Howl is seated in the stadium, barely restraining himself from running straight to Lin Jingyan and drawing everyone’s attention. He can barely think of the further implications of them both back in the past, or whether they are really in their past. All he can think of is his old captain, his teacher, his friend, and the turning point with this Rookie Challenge.

Fang Rui is never one to hold a grudge. However, Tang Hao comes close. He acknowledges his strength, and has noticed him early on. How he cannot, when the younger man is also Brawler like the captain and core player of his team. He also knows better than anyone else of Lin Jingyan’s declining performance. However, he cannot really forgive Tang Hao for bringing attention to it in the Rookie Challenge and all the while dismissing Lin Jingyan’s achievements. In the case of the latter, even old Sun Xiang is better, though probably Su Mucheng will disagree. His only female captain is never one to be trifled with, she definitely can hold a grudge or two.

Fang Rui arrives right when Lin Jingyan’s name comes out from Tang Hao on the stage, and he feels the vice grip around his heart tightens.

He’s too late.

“...the junior will succeed the senior.”

The stadium is in uproar. Wind Howl is in uproar, but Fang Rui has only eyes for Lin Jingyan.

“Well, how about that? You, and now, me. It seems we’re pretty popular with the rookies.” Lin Jingyan chuckles lightly, remaining calm in front of the disrespect shown by Tang Hao. He stands up, prepared to go down, only for his wrist to be caught firmly by his vice captain.

“Fang Rui?”

Fang Rui draws a blank. Now it has come to this, and he still cannot find the words. What to say? This time, he really, really looks at his captain. This Lin Jingyan’s face is open, unguarded, without the glasses worn with his red and black Tyranny uniform. He still has hope, fleeting as it is, of the future. Fang Rui has failed as his partner to keep it alive in his last year in Wind Howl. He only regained them in Tyranny.

“...a Brawler is not a Striker,” is the first sentence that first comes to mind. Lin Jingyan blinks in surprise at the serious tone. “There’s more to Glory than speed and mechanics. Glory is not that simple.”

“Gotta play dirty huh?” Somehow his partner manages to recall the supposed reminder to himself.

“Last time I checked we’re Wind Howl, not Tyranny.” In a complete change of attitude, Fang Rui shows his disdain as he releases Lin Jingyan’s wrist.

That actually gets a laugh out of Lin Jingyan. He waves his hand, there’s lightness in his gesture, “I’ll keep it in mind.”

Fang Rui watches him leave before returning to his seat. Only Ruan Yongbin dares to lean into him.

“What do you think? Can Tang Hao win?”

“Anything can happen.” Fang Rui can sense Ruan Yongbin’s surprise. He’s surprised with his own calmness. He already does what he can. It’s all up to Lin Jingyan now.

There’s still half a season left. Even if Lin Jingyan loses again, it’s not the end. Fang Rui can still make the best of it. With his skill and experience, he can and will do better, if only to give his old captain a better ending in Wind Howl.

Fang Rui has faced off against worse odds and come up victorious. This won’t be any different.  

When he turns his attention to the game, Fang Rui is greeted with a pleasant surprise: Lin Jingyan doesn’t rush forward. The older man takes his time to explore the map. Tang Hao doesn’t choose an arena, so the environment is not completely bare, which is actually advantageous to Lin Jingyan, but one he didn’t previously make full use of, thinking that he had to meet the other head-on.

This alone already sets things apart from the past he remembers. He finds himself leaning forward in interest. It might not be much, but if Tang Hao expects a quick, easy match, he’s going to be proven wrong. After all, Lin Jingyan is the half of the Criminal Partners, and dirty playing requires cunning.

Tang Hao’s Delilo fights like a Striker, reminiscent of the King of Fighters, easily making the crowd pumped up and cheering for him. However, ultimately a Brawler is not a Striker. Its strength lies in its ability to control its opponent. No one utilizes it better than the Number 1 Brawler. Lin Jingyan masterfully keeps his distance and maintains the rhythm. When he takes hits, he makes sure to leave himself a way out. When he lands his skills, he makes sure to achieve the maximum effect. His retreats are as timely as his attacks.

Lin Jingyan is not losing to Tang Hao.  

For the ordinary players, it seems that Tang Hao has the upper hand, but for professional players, bold, fierce Tang Hao is struggling against calm, patient Lin Jingyan. However, in the end all it takes is for one mistake, a slight opening from Lin Jingyan, for Tang Hao to rush in and overwhelm the older Brawler player with his superior speed and mechanics. 

Demon Subduer falls. Delilo is left with 9% health remaining. 

Fang Rui leans back on his seat with a smile on his face, in contrast to the dismayed faces of the other Wind Howl members. Lin Jingyan loses, but this time around, with a close match instead of the overwhelming loss. It might not mean much, but it does show that Lin Jingyan fought the match with a different mindset this time around.

Lin Jingyan is the first to come down from the platform. He doesn’t lose his gentle and pleasant demeanor. Meanwhile, Tang Hao takes his time, even when finally does, he hasn’t quite managed to hide his emotions. He’s not satisfied. It’s definitely not the kind of match or victory he expected. They meet in the middle and shake hands.

“You played well…” Lin Jingyan smiles, hiding his true emotions, but surprisingly he continues, “But it’s not easy, isn’t it?”

“The junior will succeed the senior.” The change of wording reflects the change in Tang Hao’s confidence without losing the belief and persistence that is inherent in top professional players that Lin Jingyan cannot help but admire. Before the master of ceremonies could say anything, the two finish shaking hands, wave towards the audience and leave the stage. Fang Rui’s eyes never leave the figure of the Wind Howl captain, so does the smile on his face until the man returns to Wind Howl area. Fang Rui likes what he sees.

“How is it?” Fang Rui asks, not paying attention to the silent teammates around him.

“Like seeing my past self.” There’s a hint of nostalgia under the observation, but the statement is matter of fact. Lin Jingyan used to fight like Tang Hao, but he didn’t regret changing his playstyle. He believes that dirty playstyle is the reason why he can stand on the professional stage as long as he is when many of his peers didn’t, even when he’s nothing special.

“I’m pretty sure you’re much more polite and better behaved,” Fang Rui disagrees, drawing choked off sounds of surprise and amusement from their team. “And more handsome too.”

Lin Jingyan laughs. “You only said that because you’re my vice captain and partner.”

“And that he had a crush on you.” Ruan Yongbin adds, that traitor. “Oooh, Captain Lin is so handsome. He’s so close to me today. Did I impress him with the move?”

“Oh, shut up.” Fang Rui brings his yearmate and former roommate into a chokehold. He doesn’t hide the grin when he hears the snickering from the teammates. This is much better than the previous awkward silence. It’ll take more to regain their confidence in their captain. Action is louder than words after all. But it’s a challenge he’s ready to tackle.

Before that, he’ll need to sit down and talk with his little captain.

***

Qiao Yifan walks down the familiar dark passageways in a daze. He has immediately excused himself after his Rookie Challenge, not quite ready for the questioning from the former-now-current Tiny Herb captain and team members. He isn’t quite sure where he’s going, all he knows that he needs a quiet space to gather his thoughts. He has pinched himself numerous times, but he’s still not convinced everything is real. He has really returned to his younger self. He tries to recall what he did before he was back in the past, but nothing really stands out except… 

Qiao Yifan finally managed to extricate himself from the teary-eyed and snot-nosed bunch with the help of Luo Ji, who was restraining his laughter. His own calm and rational vice captain and recently appointed Happy’s new captain was surprisingly not helpful, his glassy, watery eyes actually made it harder. Boss Chen was worse. If it wasn’t for Senior Wei, and Sister Mu, he was certain she would have bawled her eyes out as the last remaining members of the original Team Happy finally retired. 

He remembered reminiscing with Luo Ji as they walked towards their rooms and parting with smiles when they entered their respective places. Many voices from the outside and even inside of the team said that his retirement was regrettable, especially considering what Happy has achieved under his leadership. They thought being a support, not unlike Yu Wenzhou, he could have stayed longer on the professional stage, and had his career with a more satisfying ending.

He disagreed wholeheartedly. He couldn’t ask for a better ending for himself, and… his gaze fell upon the picture of Happy in the early years. He was already 28 years old, the same age when Senior Ye retired for the second and final time… and older than the age when Sister Mu and Brother Rui retired.

He has learned from his seniors not to regret anything and to keep moving forward, to learn from the past but never let it shape the future, that the future is theirs to create. He really had no regrets, really. 

But in the dark and silent room, with only himself as company, the retired Captain Qiao Yifan of Team Happy, allowed himself a rare moment of weakness… and wished.

Could it be…?

Qiao Yifan’s steps stumble into a halt, his breath catches in his throat.

However, before the thought can form, a familiar voice rings out.

“Interesting choice of challenging the master of playing dirty.”

Qiao Yifan is blinking back tears when he recognizes the figure slowly stepping out from the darkness. After his final retirement, Ye Xiu didn’t completely disappear from their lives, he always made sure to be there when they needed him the most, but he purposefully maintained his distance. He knew how much he meant for Happy. While he had made the preparations, including letting them play without him in the team competitions in the tenth season, Ye Xiu had always been a steady, reassuring presence for Happy. He was there leading them in strategy meetings, he was guiding them in their practice matches, he was there on the sidelines during games. All they needed was to turn their heads, and there he was.

All the Chinese Glory team members have gained invaluable experience from the World Invitationals. Against the strongest players around the world, they kept challenging their limits, improving themselves, until they won the ultimate Glory for the country. Their fans hoped that their favorite players would bring their team into greater heights once they returned to the domestic league. However, it was easier said than done. 

The reason why they could perform their absolute best on the world stage was because they had the best teammates, tacticians and leaders to bring out their potential. It was not always the case with their original teams. In the new season, Happy was becoming not the only team that was going through a running-in period, even though they were still the worst off since they lost their core and ace player. With one exception: 

Tyranny.

Tyranny became a terrifying, indomitable presence in the new season. Han Wenqing, who chose to focus on the team, has laid the groundwork and strengthened the foundation for when Zhang Xinjie and Zhang Jiale returned abroad, the adjustment was relatively smooth and seamless, all the while the veterans were still doing rotation. 

And Qiao Yifan was entrusted as the commander in the team competition in their first match in the regular season against Tyranny. 

It wasn’t his first time commanding in a team competition. However, in the new team arrangement, the commander was still most often either Su Mucheng or Fang Rui. The latter was actually a surprise to many. He protested vehemently, but neither the captain nor vice captain budged with their decision. Qiao Yifan felt the pressure keenly.

To no one’s surprise, Happy suffered a crushing defeat at the team competition. It could even barely be called a fight. Their only saving grace was they got points off from individual competition and group arena. It didn’t stop the reporters from descending upon them like vultures. Qiao Yifan insisted on coming to the post-match press conference, and if it hadn’t been for Fang Rui and Su Mucheng, he would’ve caved under the pressure.

They were hit hard with the loss. It has been a while since they felt so powerless. Qiao Yifan found himself looking at the places where Ye Xiu used to be, and he realized that he was not the only one. He had even been staring at Ye Xiu’s number on his phone, opening and closing the chat box. He couldn’t help thinking and wishing badly for his senior’s reassuring presence and words.

Only for the wishful thinking to be crushed immediately by their new captain and vice captain in the strategic meeting. From the beginning, it was intended as a harsh wake up call from Su Mucheng and Fang Rui, to lose their dependence on Ye Xiu. 

Before, Ye Xiu has taken care of everything for them, so they didn’t need to worry about anything and only focused on themselves. It was time for them to return the favor, for them to take care of everything so he could focus on himself.

Qiao Yifan felt so ashamed and embarrassed of himself at the reminder that he really wished he could dig a deep hole and hide inside it forever, his body hunching over as if he could do so. A warm, affectionate hand messed up his hair before settling on his shoulder.

“Bad news, we’re hitting rock bottom. Good news, the only way to go is up.” Cheerful, lively voice broke through the gloom. This voice and the owner of the voice later became among the reliable constants in Happy.

He’s very clever and very adaptable. And he’s a very strong team player. There’s a lot that I would like to learn from him.

There is no single untruth in his words. Fang Rui was and is all of that and more for Qiao Yifan and for Happy. 

Su Mucheng is really the captain, the leader they need after Ye Xiu, it was only a matter of time until Happy saw her no differently than Ye Xiu and proudly claimed her as their captain. 

But Fang Rui… Fang Rui has been everything that they asked of him. His adaptability is not limited onstage, but also offstage. For Qiao Yifan, he is his senior, his vice captain, his teacher, his friend… and his brother. 

And so, even in front of his most admired, respected and beloved captain, to whom he owed his life twice over, and the least likely to think badly of Fang Rui, Qiao Yifan will readily and staunchly defend his brother.

“Senior Fang is more than just the master of dirty playing.” The words slip out easily from his lips. Qiao Yifan cannot recall how many times he has defended Happy’s best vice captain and he will not stop doing so. “He’s the master at understanding people’s psychology and utilizing them to make opportunities. And as a Ghostblade, especially a Phantom Demon whose skills need casting, he’s the best I can learn from.” 

Ye Xiu shows a surprised, but pleased smile. Dirty playing is looked down on by most, particularly by the younger generation. And yet one of them actually sees the value in the playstyle and is willing to learn and use them for themselves. It makes him look forward to the future of this young man. He already had a good impression of Qiao Yifan with his courage to switch classes and his willingness to learn, and now he also displays wisdom and maturity rarely seen in younger players. 

Most of them are unable to understand the reason why such a disdainful playstyle can be so difficult, so oppressive. It’s only possible due to Fang Rui’s masterful grasp of his opponent’s psychology. Simple, straightforward rookies are the easiest for him. For Qiao Yifan to be able to see the value of Fang Rui’s dirty playing and go toe-to-toe with him in the Rookie Challenge sets him apart from other rookies.

“Indeed. Excellent choice.” Qiao Yifan couldn’t help the pleased flush at the acknowledgement for himself and Fang Rui. Ye Xiu continues, “It’s impressive how you’re able to deal with Fang Rui’s dirty playing tactics. Rookies tend to have difficulty going against him.”

Except Happy rookies, that is. Qiao Yifan silently adds. They are fortunate not to have experienced Fang Rui as an opponent onstage. By the time they got to know Fang Rui, it was as the senior pro player in the middle of the pains of changing classes. They even had their turn in beating up his Qi Master. Then once after he reclaimed his title as god, he was their vice captain and teammate first. He will not treat them as an opponent and neither will they, not like Zhao Yuzhe.

“Ah, I suppose I’ve been watching his videos as much as Senior Li.” That’s not exactly a lie, at least not in his previous life.

“Too bad Fang Rui never faced Li Xuan. It’ll be an interesting study for me and you both.”

“I’ve thought so too.” Qiao Yifan agrees wholeheartedly. Wu Yuce is the Ghostblade that most often ends up as Fang Rui’s opponent, especially as a Thief. Though after transforming into Qi Master and becoming Happy’s defending general, Fang Rui has encountered all the core players at least once, including Li Xuan. It has been such an eye-opening match for Qiao Yifan in particular, who looks up to them both. It inspired his breakthrough.

Then Qiao Yifan realizes he shouldn’t have recognized the reclusive god and chatted so casually like this. “Um, Senior… Do I know you? Your voice sounds familiar…”

“What do you think, Little Qiao?”

“God Ye Qiu!” Qiao Yifan nearly bites his tongue, barely avoiding the mistake of calling the Glory legend by his real name. “Why is Senior here?”

“Sightseeing. Getting a feel of being an audience.” Ye Xiu shrugs nonchalantly. Qiao Yifan has to push down the amusement at such Ye Xiu-like answer, but at the same time is at loss what else he can say to his senior. While the rest of his memories around this time are hazy, the memory of his first face-to-face meeting with Ye Xiu is one of the most clear and vivid, and he’s not sure how to bring it up when they barely know each other. Qiao Yifan’s grown a lot since he met Ye Xiu and he has become a captain and a god-level player in his own right, but in front of his most respected and admired seniors, he always feels like he was back as the young, inexperienced junior.

“What is it, Little Qiao?” Ye Xiu breaks his conundrum with ease, noticing the little Phantom Demon player struggling with something.

“...Is it really okay?” Qiao Yifan blurts out what first comes to mind. He clarifies at the confused blink from Ye Xiu, “Being an audience.”

Nothing changes in his expression, but somehow Qiao Yifan feels like Ye Xiu is truly, truly looking at him, like an all-seeing god looking from above. Instinctively he draws himself up, not wanting to be found lacking. When Ye Xiu smiles, Qiao Yifan finds himself released from the pressure.

“Of course not. Even though I’m a bit old, I’m not done yet!”

“You’re going to come back?” Qiao Yifan barely keeps his excitement in check.

“All I need is an opportunity. Just like you’re looking for yours. Keep up the good work, Little Qiao.” Ye Xiu says as he turns around. He waves his hands at Qiao Yifan and slips away into the darkness.

“...Yes, Senior!”

Once Ye Xiu leaves, Qiao Yifan unconsciously stands tall, his eyes bright and determined in the darkness. It is no longer young, inexperienced Qiao Yifan standing there, instead it is Captain Qiao Yifan of Team Happy.

“I’ll create that opportunity for you, Captain.”

It’s a promise.

Fang Rui walks out from the hotel room he’s staying in with Lin Jingyan with an easy heart. In the previous life, in the future-past, in the past-future, or whatever, the silence was oppressive, the conversation was awkward and stilted between them. For once, words eluded Fang Rui. He could never hate himself as much as he did back then. 

***

This time around Fang Rui doesn’t really need to say anything, Lin Jingyan takes all the words that can be said from his own mouth. He has been the one to bring up his own declining condition and his determination to bring Wind Howl to the playoffs. All Fang Rui needs to do is give his whole support and help in whatever way he can. He might need to brush up his skills again and get used to high-intensity matches after such a peaceful retirement life, but he’s confident with his much younger body it’s only a matter of time. Unconsciously he raises and flexes his left hand. 

However, what he can offer now is the invaluable experience from high-level matches, both domestic and abroad. He’s no master tactician, but spending much of his time around the master tacticians of old and new, two of whom are his captains, Fang Rui learns more than a thing or two. Though it’ll be harder to explain, especially to Lin Jingyan who knows him so well. Well, that’s a worry for another day. Let’s just take one step at a time.

Fang Rui puts on a beanie over his short hair and non-prescription glasses as he goes to the milk tea shop that Happy often frequents during their visits to Shanghai as their meeting place. It doesn’t take him long to find Qiao Yifan in the relatively deserted shop. Being the transparent Tiny Herb player, he doesn’t really need any disguises. Though honestly, Fang Rui would recognize him anywhere, disguise or no disguise.

Seeing his serious expression, Fang Rui silences his steps as he approaches the younger man who is busy writing on the table. Sneakily, not unlike Doubtful Demon and Boundless Sea in his hands, he stands behind the oblivious Qiao Yifan.

“Boo!” Fang Rui whispers close to his ear.

“Ah!” Qiao Yifan jumps in surprise, the pen slips from his fingers. Fang Rui, expecting the reaction, quickly catches it from the air. “Brother Rui!” His little captain scolds him, but Fang Rui cannot maintain a straight face, he bursts into laughter instead.

It’s been a while he’s seen his little captain so young and chubby-cheeked. He cannot resist pinching those cheeks. Being too preoccupied with his time travel or whatever this is, only now he notices how adorable young Qiao Yifan is. 

“Can you stop pinching my cheeks?” It might be because he returns into his younger body, Qiao Yifan’s protests are more like a petulant teenager’s, and thanks to professional hand speed, this time it is the hair that’s gotten ruffled.

“Your fault for being so cute and adorable.” Fang Rui being Fang Rui, he’s not apologetic. If anything, he’s very satisfied having pinched those soft cheeks and ruffled the still-relatively-long and boyish haircut. Fang Rui plops down on the empty seat across Qiao Yifan, picking up the drink placed on the table, unsurprised that it is exactly as he likes it.

“So, what you’ve got so far in that notebook of yours, Little Captain?” Fang Rui asks as he chews the boba with a sense of nostalgia. Chinese milk tea is sure different, he mulls absently as he glances at the notebook, a habit Qiao Yifan picks up from Yu Wenzhou.

“I think… It’s my fault?”

“How do you come to that conclusion?” Fang Rui gives him an incredulous look, “Last time I checked you didn’t have supernatural power to send us back to the past.”

“Um.” Qiao Yifan rubs his nose, an all too familiar gesture of discomfort and vulnerability. He’s grown out of that habit slowly as he took over captaincy, but it has the tendency to show up under tremendous stress or complete unpreparedness, which this time travel situation certainly counts as both.

“Start from the beginning.” Those familiar words ground Qiao Yifan, he finds himself calming down easily when he has actually been stressing himself out while waiting for Fang Rui. Those words and the person have helped him many times when he overthinks things, getting him out of the spiral he’s fallen into and finding the right words and action. He breathes in, and starts with a question.

“What did you remember last?” Before jumping to conclusion, Qiao Yifan needs to make sure of a few things first. Fang Rui tries to recall what he was doing. He really hasn’t thought about it.

“Hmm… I was at the airport, texting Old Ye on the phone.” Qiao Yifan blinks in surprise at the unexpected answer. “Our Yifan is retiring. Of course we’ll be coming to celebrate in person.”

Qiao Yifan gets choked up. Several times he tries to speak only to stop.

“We’ve been so busy that we barely visited or kept in touch. Old Ye is even worse, considering he’s based on China. So I just decided to hell with it when I saw your press conference to go back and force that irresponsible guy to pick me up and visit the team together. You know how bad he is at taking initiative. I also managed to get Little Tang on it.”

“Sister Rou too?” Qiao Yifan laughs in disbelief.

“She’s not as bad as us, but it’s been a while for her too. And she’s in Beijing, so she’s the best person in case Old Ye needs to be strong armed.”

“Oh.” Qiao Yifan’s heart feels so full that he’s at a loss of words. 

Fang Rui can only feel sad and regretful to see how happy and bright the younger man’s expression is. Qiao Yifan has always been a kind and considerate child. He might have wanted to see them more, but he wouldn’t say anything and be understanding when the older members of Team Happy cannot keep in touch regularly. He might have thought that his retirement is not important enough for him to ask for them to come and visit. Somehow, Fang Rui has a feeling that their current situation is not unrelated.

“We had a small party after the press conference back in Forest Park. It was late after I returned to the room. I…” Qiao Yifan pauses, glancing at Fang Rui. Encouraged by the quiet and patient understanding, he continues. 

“Everyone keeps asking why I am retiring when I could have played longer, that I’d come to regret it… I don’t, I’m really sure I won’t.” Qiao Yifan speaks animatedly, as if he’s trying to convince Fang Rui, when the older man is the last person he needs to convince. “I just think it’s time, the team can and will do well without me.”

“...but?” Fang Rui gently nudges Qiao Yifan.

“I do have one regret, one wish,” Qiao Yifan finally speaks out. His voice trembled, betraying his nervousness. 

“I wish I had more time.” As if losing his courage, Qiao Yifan ducks his head down. 

Fang Rui looks at the bowed head, his eyes soften in understanding. Qiao Yifan doesn’t need to say more, he understands very well. Quite possibly what he feels is the shared feelings among the early members of Team Happy, many of them either started late or only had a few years left in the professional stage.

Being the youngest, Qiao Yifan is among the last of the original members of Happy to remain in the team. Having been there himself, he remembers how it felt like being left behind, abandoned even when it was simply a natural course of life. That feeling was gone as soon as it appeared, reason quickly kicking in. Although the feeling would come at his weakest moments, he’s learned to deal with it.

However, it must be harder for Qiao Yifan, knowing his circumstances. For him, Happy is the only home he has. Having them leave one by one must not be easy. That was why he chose to stay for another year when Qiao Yifan made the plea before he was about to announce his retirement after the finals in the Golden Season, or what Season 13 was known as with many of the Golden Generation giving their best, most dazzling performance, like a burning star at the end of its life. 

Fang Rui was no different, having changed classes and reclaimed his old class alongside his new one, led Happy through the most difficult time in the wake of Ye Xiu’s retirement and competed in domestic and international league year after year, he was burned out, like Su Mucheng and Ye Xiu before him.

By then, Happy’s rookies were no longer rookies, they were gods in the making, if not already, he would be only a hindrance for them. He didn’t need another championship. He wanted more, of course he did, he would never lose his desire and pursuit of victory, but his definition of victory is and has never been limited to all the trophies and awards. What he also considers as a victory is when the team he has come to love and cherish, to grow and flourish, to surpass their predecessors and stand in their own glory. 

Team Happy lost in the finals, but Fang Rui had seen a glimpse of the future, a shining, glorious future… and he didn’t see himself in that future. He was actually happy at the realization, barely suppressing his smile when he saw the frustrated faces on his team. He already made up his mind back then, only for one sentence from one person to change it.

“Can you not go?”

The words didn’t come from the youngest member of the team. They didn’t come from the successor he intended to take over Boundless Sea. They didn’t come from their soft-hearted boss. Instead it came from the strong, reliable captain of Happy.

Fang Rui’s heart broke for this young man. At that moment, he looked like a lost child.

“Okay.” He made the concession. He had only eyes for his little captain, but he didn’t fail to notice how everyone in the room perked up, including their lady boss. “However, I will mainly stay on the bench. You’re going to carry me to the finals. I’m expecting another Championship for my retirement.”

And he did. 

Happy did it.

Happy matched the old Excellent Era’s record. Fang Rui and the remaining members of the original team are the first to have three championship rings in the domestic league, second only to Ye Xiu who have four of them, beating Zhou Zekai of his generation and the Golden Generation. Happy also made their own record being the only team that have won both domestic and international league.

Team Happy had converged around him when they won the finals of Season 14. His bold, daring little Captain dared to put their oldest senior who didn’t play as frequently as before in the all important match of the finals and of course, Fang Rui didn’t fail to live up to his captain’s expectation. He had made sure to do so since Ye Xiu picked him of all people to be Happy’s Qi Master. It was a beautiful sendoff, a perfect ending that he could ask for. He wasn’t oblivious to realize that Happy had managed to send away every single of their senior members of the original team with a championship. He was, is and always will be proud of them, the team that they are, and the captain that Qiao Yifan is.

Fang Rui places his hand on Qiao Yifan’s head gently.

“Then we will have more time.”

“That’s it?” So surprised with his response, Qiao Yifan dislodges Fang Rui’s hand at the speed he cranes his neck.

“Eh. We can try to sleep tonight and if we go back to our timeline, then have a good laugh and celebrate your retirement with all Team Happy members. Or…

“We don’t, and make sure we’ll have more time this time around.” Fang Rui states simply.

“It can’t be that simple.” Qiao Yifan frowns.

“It can.”

“It can’t.”

“Why not?”

“W-Well, there might be conditions?” Qiao Yifan offers. “Of going back, I mean.”

“So? How will we discover that unless we keep going? Or changing things up?”

“Should we even change things?” Qiao Yifan asks. He isn’t sure what he’s feeling, one side he’s afraid, terrified even. But on the other side, he’s excited, eager to change the future. 

“Eh,” Fang Rui merely shrugs. Qiao Yifan can only laugh at the nonchalance. It’s so Fang Rui. It’s so like his senior to make light of the absurd situation, which to be fair, Happy is a team that often encounters absurd situations, their own existence is one. The reminder actually brings a smile to Qiao Yifan’s face. His cautious nature can be detrimental at times if it goes unchecked. He’s learned to let go and take risks in the years in Happy, but in this current situation, when his actions could have changed things, could have made him lose everything precious to him, he was unwilling to do so.

“We’ll just keep things simple. We set a goal for ourselves, and deal with others as they come.”

“Happy.” They say it at the same time, which brings a huge relief to Qiao Yifan. He knows how important Lin Jingyan and Wind Howl are for Fang Rui, and considering what happened to them, he has wondered if Fang Rui wishes to do more for them and stay until his contract expires instead of transferring. Reading his mind, Fang Rui chuckles.

“Happy is home.” And Fang Rui meant it. 

He’s met many people, have been in different teams and workplaces, but Happy is the only place that feels like home besides his own. It doesn’t occur to him not to join Happy. If anything, he’d love to join earlier, and take part in the creation of the team.

“Wait… has Team Happy been created?” The thought only occurs to him.

“Oh. Not yet. It should be tomorrow.” Qiao Yifan looks at the rough timeline he has written in the notebook. Fang Rui leans forward to take a peek.

“...the Dragon Raises its Head?” Fang Rui can only recall that incident from this year’s All Stars.

“Because of that, Boss Chen figured out Senior’s true identity and decided to create the team to support him.” Qiao Yifan himself only knows their beloved boss’ retelling.

“That really sounds like Boss Chen, alright.” Fang Rui smiles fondly at their lady boss and big sister. “So the team only had Old Ye and Little Tang?”

“Senior didn’t ask me to join until I told him my contract with Tiny Herb expired.”

“Hmm, by then Steamed Bun and Old Wei have already joined.”

“Brother An, Luo Ji and Mo Fan joined around the registration period.”

“Old Ye really worked hard…” Fang Rui has heard the stories. Something else nags on him, though. “...Yifan, you wished for more time right?”

“Yes?”

“Did you think of anything specific when you wished for that? Because, usually in typical time-travel/regressor/reincarnation/isekai stories, it’s usually only the protagonist who comes back in time. Why am I too? Am I even the only one?”

“No, Senior Ye didn’t come back.” Recalling their earlier exchange, Qiao Yifan is sure of it. “I did think of you first when I suddenly found myself back in All Stars Season 8 Rookie Challenge, in the middle of the stadium floor, microphone in hand.”

“That must be nerve wracking.” Fang Rui raises his eyebrows in surprise. “But really? Of all people, me? Not Mucheng? Or Wenzhou?” He merely teases Qiao Yifan. He isn’t really surprised that in Qiao Yifan’s panic and confusion, he picked the one he’s spent the most time with, his old vice captain. He doesn’t really expect a response. However, looking at his expression, there might be another reason. It is brief, but Fang Rui has always been good at catching the slightest change and he thinks he can make a guess.

Fang Rui lays down his left arm on the table, turning his hand palm up.

“I’ve suspected that you knew.” Fang Rui smiles kindly, but it only makes Qiao Yifan upset. Knowing it is one thing, acknowledging it is another. Right now there’s only smooth skin, but in their past-future, there was a faint scar, a thin line across Fang Rui’s wrist, which was often covered with bracelets and wristbands. 

Qiao Yifan was only aware of it when Mo Fan came to him. He has noticed and wondered about the change of Fang Rui’s playstyle. It was not really obvious, even for those who were familiar with him. Only when Qiao Yifan paid attention to his hand speed and rhythm, he realized that Fang Rui had slowed down. Everyone hardly noticed because of the nature of the dirty playstyle, and later on, because of the rising skill level of Happy individual members. 

Regardless, Fang Rui remained an indispensable member of Happy and the national team. His flexible playstyle and high adaptability, not to mention his casual and playful nature, made him compatible with many players and strategies that he was more often than not master tacticians’ first choice. Qiao Yifan was not so naive to think that it wouldn’t impact Fang Rui’s condition, so he didn’t think much in the beginning. He was actually relieved that his vice captain took the steps to prolong his career lifespan. While his speed might decline, his performance did not. It didn’t cross his mind that Fang Rui’s condition had reached the point that he needed surgery.

Qiao Yifan was hit hard with the discovery. He had been angry at Fang Rui, at Mo Fan, but most of all, at himself for failing to notice that his vice captain had been injured so badly. He understood very well why Fang Rui did it, so he swallowed all the hurt and anger and channeled them into winning the championship, fearing the season would be his senior’s last. He wanted to prove that Happy was worth all the painstaking effort Fang Rui put in. Only to have his hopes shattered when Happy lost to Blue Rain in the finals, and Fang Rui announced his retirement to the team before the press conference.

He hadn’t wanted to be selfish. He really couldn’t ask Fang Rui to stay when he has given everything and more to Happy. He shouldn’t have asked him to stay.

But he asked anyway. 

He was prepared for the refusal, he could even imagine the gentle and kind words. He didn’t expect the concession. Fang Rui only agreed for another year, but it meant the world for Qiao Yifan.

Looking at the person in front of him, Qiao Yifan knows very well why it was Fang Rui of all people who was brought back to the past with him. But he cannot find the words.

“Well, I’m definitely not turning down the chance to do everything again. Even though it’s going to be a hassle to adapt to what… Level 70 skills?” The stinky face Fang Rui made elicits laughter from Qiao Yifan. 

Fang Rui never fails to find a way to lighten up the atmosphere. It’s also his subtle reminder that he has their back, that he understands even when there are no words between them.

“Damn. It looks like I’ve got a lot of work to do. It’s no different than having a new team, a new account, and a new class.” Fang Rui is already having a headache at the mere thought. He does miss the Glory competitive days, but he can do without the daily training.

“...I’m sorry.” Qiao Yifan winces, he hasn’t thought that far. He might be just a “water dispenser” in Tiny Herb but Fang Rui definitely isn’t. He has tried to take account of everything but the memories are hazy the further to the past they are, and he was limited to his own knowledge of the events. Qiao Yifan was only recently retired so he would have less difficulty in getting back into the competition mindset. Fang Rui waves his hand, knowing it cannot be helped.

“I’ve got a week until the next match. I’m going to need help to get into shape and find a somewhat believable explanation for the sudden changes in playstyle. Old Lin is sure to notice. You also need to be careful. Wang Jiexi might not realize any changes in you, but Old Ye certainly will.”

“Um… I think it’s a bit too late.” Qiao Yifan speaks out, showing the message Gao Yingjie sent to him earlier, telling him that the captain wanted to see him when he returned to the hotel. 

“Well, shit.” That pretty much summed up their current situation.

“Okay, change of plans. Let’s start with how you’re going to deal with good ol’ Wang, then we do the rest.”

“I should not call him Captain Wang then.” Qiao Yifan mulls over.

“Definitely not.” Why would a member of their own team call their own captain by their last name? “Don’t let slip and start calling him Big-Eyed Wang, either.”

“I’ve never-” Qiao Yifan coughs and splutters.

“Really?” Fang Rui raises an eyebrow.

Cunning and resourceful.

Those two words describe Happy best. They can be said to be the words Happy team members live by. They lay down the foundation of Happy’s individual and team playstyle. 

While Qiao Yifan remains polite and respectful as he comes to be Happy’s captain, which makes him a favorite among Happy team members of old and new, particularly for the reporters, he is still Happy’s captain who has received guidance and learned from Ye Xiu, Wei Chen and Fang Rui. He doesn’t often resort to dirty play enough to be considered a dirty player and doesn't often engage in trash talk to provoke others that people often forget. So at the most unexpected times, Qiao Yifan will pull an incredibly dirty play or a provocative sentence that is so unlike the calm and stable captain that opponents never fail to fall for it.  

Qiao Yifan definitely has called Wang Jiexi “Big-Eyed Wang” at least once. It doesn’t even matter if he never did it to his face.

“Careful. Don’t show your black heart yet, Little Captain.” Fang Rui teases Qiao Yifan, his eyes twinkling with mirth. This time Qiao Yifan genuinely and freely laughs.

“Says the person who taught us how to pull unexpected plays.” Being the longest-serving senior in the team, Fang Rui left his mark the most on Happy team members. His dirty playstyle shows up even in the aggressive Tang Rou, upright An Wenyi, and even textbook Luo Ji.

“That means I’m a good teacher, no?” Fang Rui considers that as his greatest achievement. Qiao Yifan doesn’t disagree, giggling at his senior’s proud face.

There’s so much work to do. There are so many familiar people, accounts, teams that they need to get to know again. There are their own younger bodies with their older selves; faster speed and reflexes but in discordance with their experienced minds. There are so many things to unlearn and relearn. There are events that cannot, should not be changed, and they do not know which events they are and which actions they are allowed to take.

When he was standing on the stage, as his mind kept thinking of all the ripple effects he might be causing, Qiao Yifan was absolutely frightened, and felt very lonely. However, right here right now, with his most reliable vice captain and senior…

Qiao Yifan no longer feels afraid.

Aaand.... That's a wrap! Well, not quite so. This can be taken as a one-shot, but is also open for more time-travel shenanigans. I have some ideas of the changes in the new timeline. Some ideas are easier to flesh out, while others require some research. If you have any comments or suggestions, please do so! It might help with the writing of future chapters. Thank you for reading!

[hils79]

Hils Watches The King's Avatar - Ep 27

Aww Baozi gets to sit this game out now that they have more players. At least he has one of his boyfriends to keep him company

I still think the terms of this game are stupid given that it's entirely voluntary

I am genuinely mad because this whole game was unnecessary beyond Sun Xiang wanting to stroke his own ego and Ye Xiu saying 'well, we've have to play against them eventually'. This was a showcase match which has now relegated them because idek why. I do not understand why Ye Xiu agreed to it under these terms. Was he so sure they were going to win?

Oh no why would you just assume you were going to win. Especially when your place in the league was on the line.

Oh thank god someone texted and the team didn't just walk back to that.

And, look, okay. They've won every game up until this point so obv they had to lose at least one to make it realistic. I'm just annoyed that the game they lost was one they didn't actually need to play.

Uh, what?

I'm a bit confused about the timescale of this. When she was talking to Mo Fan she said her dad died years ago but she and everything around her in the flashback looks the same as it is now. Like, that is clearly a modern laptop.

Look at these good sweet boys trying to cheer up their manager. But, also, how come no one has texted them to say that actually they won.

God he always has to say something. Remind me to talk about his hair some time. I have Thoughts and Opinions.

The kitty has found a kitty.

Oh my god that is not how you hold a cat. But aww he asked the kitty for advice

Oh my god is Wei Chen going to get a tattoo???

My son is...singing?? Holy shit look at him I've never seen him this relaxed and happy

Is that a fucking Peppa Pig tattoo???

LMAO it's fake!

I love her

Aww everyone went out to relax after the game and no one invited Baozi

Feeling absolutely fine and normal about this

Getting everyone to anonymously say who they think was responsible for the near-loss is going to backfire massively. They all have self-esteem issues (except maybe Baozi) so they'll all just blame themselves

I'm not going to screenshot everyone but, yep, they all blamed themselves except Mo Fan who didn't write anything down I think because he assumed everyone else would blame him

I...they...*gestures helplessly at the screen*...IN YE XIU'S BEDROOM

Lowkey mad that you can't see that Baozi is sleeping with his head on Yifan's legs. MY OT3 ARE IN A CUDDLE PILE PLEASE SEND HELP

Oh my god are they in dorms now? THE BUNK BEDS! Of course Baozi and Luo Ji are in one and Wei Chen and Ye Xiu are in another one #boyfriends

Yifan in his boyfriends' bedroom where he belongs. Even if he is trying to wake them up and make them work out with him. Yifan, I love you, but no.

Mood

Well, my son had to have one flaw and that flaw is that he is a chipper morning person. I'm with literally everyone else. Like I have to get up at 6am for work but no one had better try and talk to me until I get to the office at 8am

LOL Yifan and Luo Ji are eating breakfast, Ye Xiu has fallen asleep at the table, Wei Chen is congratulating himself on finding them a house and everyone else has left

[imaginekris]

Imagine Kris getting a diamond Youtube play button. Huh, that’s weird. He didn’t think he had his real address attached to his wildly popular vtuber Minecraft gaming channel.

[blueberry-ash]

I’m actually on break-of-sorts! There’s extra free time in my days, and I can do what I want with it! (Even better—after a couple days spent zombie-ing in front of a video game and tv shows—my brain even kinda wants to do things. How refreshing flsdafjsa;)

So! A fic author interview, which the lovely @lynne-monstr tagged me in half an age ago. :D

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

327, apparently. God knows how many have been let loose to swim in the sweetly-orphaned seas.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

863,428.

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

How Impolite, How Imprudent (The Walking Dead, Beth/Daryl) - 1,108 kudos.

Stripped (Death Note, Near/Mello) - 720 kudos.

let’s embrace the point of no return (Guardian, Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan) - 669 kudos.

Hoping's Free (The Walking Dead, Beth/Daryl/Rick) - 639 kudos.

The Married Ones (BBC Sherlock, Sherlock/Watson) - 625 kudos.

Mostly this is just… happening to write for popular ships sometimes, I think, rather than any reflection on the actual stories themselves.

Although, The Walking Dead ones were very much just posted at exactly the right point in time—AKA right when the folks who were gonna be reading Beth-centric stories were turning up to find it…and when there really weren’t many. I remember finding it really fun to write for that ship, in no small amount because it felt exactly like writing for my usual rarer pair stuff… but with bonus readers. XD

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I always plan to. They make me so happy! Unfortunately, my brain makes replying to comments a whole lot more complicated than it actually is… meaning I put it aside for when I’ll have the energy/capacity… and then my executive dysfunction sneaks in and eats my good intentions for breakfast. ;;

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I don’t really write angsty endings very often. I guess… against the world? Probably? That’s pretty miserable through-and-through, and is definitely lacking my usually compulsive need to find a happy note to end on.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

…everything? XD

Honestly, my first thought was to crib off Lynne’s answer and say a story that goes real sad before it gets happy. But… that just makes me want to say my Reunion Dinner GaoQiao break-up fic (In the space of your leaving), except… I haven’t actually posted the final chapters for that yet. Meaning it’s happy ending is currently hypothetical, and it’s therefore disqualified from this category. 😂

In which case, I guess… maybe Hoping's Free, actually. I wouldn’t have thought of it, except that I was doing the sort-by-kudos thing, which made me look at it again. But it’s probably a better answer for this than my usual fluff, if only because it was written in this almost grimly hopeful tone that was very intentionally at odds with the canon I was writing from (TWD). (And was probably influenced by the fact I was sitting there writing a “pregnant at the end of the world” story whilst hugely pregnant myself, ha.)

7. Do you write crossovers?

As in, non-fusion crossovers? Where you have characters from both things interacting? Not really, to be honest. I used to, a fair bit, although I’m not sure I ever actually posted any of them. I just recently stumbled across some unfinished drafts for some Harry Potter x Bleach stuff, which was honestly fascinating to look at because I would not think of something like that now.

I do still write a bunch of fusion-style crossovers, though. Like, I’m plotting constantly plotting those bastard things. (Seriously, constantly: my poor SO cannot engage with a show or a video game with me without knowing that I’m probably sitting there thinking about where Qiao Yifan would fit into it jadlf;jasdfl.) Unfortunately, it’s just… a lot harder for me to actually finish those stories. Or sometimes, even to start them. They’re definitely one of those cases where I need to get much better at just… dropping my worldbuilding glee into a tumblr post or something, sigh.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Once. So very long ago that I don’t even remember what it was about, just that I had the sweetest group of friends who made it immediately less devastating for my rejection-sensitive ass (thereby saving me from quitting fandom not long after I had discovered it). <3

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

So much smut! Mostly the kind with a whole lotta feelings.

It’s not that I don’t write other things—I write so many other things—but smut comes with this bonus setting for me, where it’s just a hundred times simpler than anything else (especially when compared to anything that tries to grow Real Plot—see Question 7, so help me). And that just makes it wayyy easier to actually, y’know, write. And finish. And edit. And post.

(Not that sex can’t be complicated, or complex, because of course it can! But it’s still easier than so many other forms of human interaction, y’know? Or… maybe it’s just that sex is the perfect chill-switch for my brain, and that’s carried over into how I use it for writing, too? Who knows!)

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope. At least, not to my knowledge.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yesss, and it’s always exciting! Translators are the best. ♥!!

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I’ve planned to! Life got in the way, alas.

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

What’s an all-time favourite anything, precious?

Whatever’s bouncing around in my head in the moment, generally. Although, that said, I do keep returning over and over and over to GaoQiao in a way that definitely should give it some kind of special status, so… there’s that. XD

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Hey, that’s quitter talk, Question 14. Anyway, everyone knows I’m trapped in a fandom until I’ve had all my WIPs wrung out of me. (That’s how it works, right? Right?)

More seriously, though, I… am not really sure. There are definitely some WIPs I am constantly thinking I should just give up on and post as partly fleshed-out outlines—because I love them, but I’m not sure I have the spoons to genuinely finish them.

Like, uh, haha, y’know—the insane FangWang fairytale-esque thing, the structure of which was very purposefully built off Propp’s functions (the, uh, narrative elements of a folk tale, per Propp’s Morphology of a Folk Tale stuff), because… I’m a raging nerd who re-falls down the folk tale rabbit hole at least once a year…? I do really love that fic, so very much, because there’s so much going on in it (actual witches! changelings and neurodiversity! Lin Jie baggage! FangWang being insufferable and wonderful and full of feelings! fae folk being terrible! fae folk being So Fucking Right! trials being passed! trials being failed! homely cooking, and magical needlework, and grumpy softhearted healers chopping firewood, oh my!) But also… there’s so fucking much going on in it, dear god.

It’s probably my best candidate for being flung up as a dot-point fic, but… I remain swimming in a sea of self-delusion, haha.

15. What are your writing strengths?

I think… I really like getting in the guts of things, when it comes to writing about characters as people-in-bodies. (Which… is a sentence I keep re-writing, but it’s not getting any less unhinged any time soon, so it can just stay there as-is.)

I really like that sense of grounding, anyway: of being grounded in skin and bones and body-connected feelings, which is… mildly hilarious considering—therapist noises intensify.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Executive dysfunction.

Uh. Yeah, so, I’m super bad at internalising that grammar exists for Reasons, and that those Reasons are that other people don’t necessarily think or read with the apparently weird rhythm that I do. And that means… y’know… that my own shit needs to confirm to at least a baseline of some kind or else it’ll become kinda unreadable. (I am getting better at it, I think. I am. It’s an endless project. Commas are my own personal hell.)

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I do kinda get why people might do this, because baby-me was pretty enamoured with it.

Now that I’m no longer Baby, however—at least, not when it comes to this—it’s not really something I would do. I’m also more likely to politely exit back out of stories that do choose to do it, although that’s mostly because it tends to be one of those markers that says Things about whether or not I’m going to jive with a story. (As a boring-ass adult with too little functional time on her hands.)

(On the other hand, I am deeply into terms of address/honorifics being kept and used. They can provide such a rich dose of information about intimacy, familiarity, and all the rest of it. That said, I tick-tock back and forth like a busted clock on whether I think they should be translated or not.)

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Animorphs, probably, although I didn’t know what a fandom was at that point. My first posted fic was for Stargate Atlantis.

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

I’m going to find a way to write that sedoretu Gao Yingjie/Fang Shiqian/Wang Jiexi/Qiao Yifan story if it fucking kills me.

(Also this random Gao Yingjie/Qiao Yifan & Su Mucheng/Wang Jiexi partner-swapping thing that’s been living rent-free in my head for literal years, but which has never actually been written down as anything more than a one line note. C’mon, story, get out of my head and onto some damn paper!)

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written

We play favourites in this house! Also… I’m just really bad at making those kinds of choices.

But—you know what? Fuck it, in the days this draft has been sitting here, I gotta say, I’ve kept thinking—probably the older the ginger (the spicier it gets). It’s peak rare pair, but I had such a blast writing it, and it’s one of those odd things I actually enjoy re-reading, too. <3