#yesterday was a shitstorm of a day

[thesargasmicgoddess]

Feelin' Peachy

[strawberri-syrup]

why am i crying

[thebiggerbear]

Close Enough

Summary: When you'd met the Shaws at the morgue the day before, you thought that had been the end of it and you wouldn't need to see one Shaw brother in particular again. Little did you know that Colter was about to once again ask for your help and not only would you be forced to see Russell again but things were about to change drastically for the both of you.

Pairing: Russell Shaw x Female!Reader; Russell Shaw x Female!FBI Special Agent!Reader

A/N: Sequel to So Close. I wanted to follow up and reveal what happened between Russell and the reader in the past but as I was writing it, this idea popped into my head in addition to that and I just had to see where it went. This was the end result lol. Hope it's okay.

Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine. I still have not seen Tracker (besides 1x12) because I just haven't had the time for a proper binge yet so if I got some things wrong about Colter and his experience in the show, I apologize.

A little disclaimer: I have never worked in law enforcement so I tried to piece together things I’ve seen and heard in true crime documentaries and podcasts alongside with movies/tv and books. I apologize for any inconsistencies, incorrect information, exaggerations, or complete fallacies. Basically, I made shit up.

Songs I listened to while writing: Somebody That I Used to Know by Gotye; Easy Loving by Loretta Lynn & Conway Twitty; Sweet Dreams by Patsy Cline; Sounds of Someday by Radio Company

Warnings: sanctioned assassination; death; gun violence; graphic description of killing; violence/blood mention; mention of dead bodies; arson; implied sex; a trace amount of smut(ish?); language

Word Count: 16K+

Russell Taglist: @deangirl96 (I hope you don't mind me tagging you in this one; this is going to lead into the series that I mentioned on "So Close"); @avada-kedavra-bitch-187; @rieleatiel

Jensen Taglist: @samanddeaninatrenchcoat

This work was recc'ed by @winchestergirl2 here.

Your phone started to buzz and you glanced at the screen, rolling your eyes and letting out a sigh before picking up. That wasn’t the normal reaction you would have to seeing Colter’s name pop up on your phone but ever since that mess back at the morgue yesterday, you had been hoping he wouldn’t contact you again. At least not until his brother went back to whatever hole he’d crawled out of. But now it looked like that had been a fool’s hope, on both counts.

“You what?” You hissed.

“We’re about to head to this home in the Blue Ridge Mountains and go in to get Doug,” he repeated.

“I’m sorry, an incredible amount of stupid just sounded in my ear. Can you repeat that?”

“Reenie got me the location and it’s solid intel.” He lowered his voice. “Look, I thought we should get law enforcement involved, alright? But there’s a…valid reason why Russ doesn’t want to call them that I can’t get into right now.”

“Whoops, more stupid. One more time?”

Colter groaned into the phone. “Come on, Y/N.”

“I’m serious, Colter. What the hell are either of you think—wait, scratch that. What the hell are you thinking? Going into a dangerous location like that without any backup? If Carlos Solano found your missing man in a safehouse, do you think he won’t be armed to the teeth? That he won’t have guards patrolling the compound that you’re walking right into? That he won’t see something like this coming? You guys are walking right into a shitstorm.” Christ, you loved the guy like a long-lost brother that you sometimes kept in touch with but if he were in front of you right now, you would’ve delivered one good smack to the back of his head to get him thinking straight. Colter may know his way around a gun, but he wasn’t someone who had formal training or combat experience like Russell did. He didn’t even have your training and you wouldn’t be going in there kamikaze-style like they were.

“That’s why I’m calling you and asking you to meet us there. I’m not exactly calling in law enforcement but we’ll have one more person to watch our backs and help us search for Doug. And who better than a special agent with the FBI?”

You sat back in your chair, shaking your head but thinking it over. This was beyond stupid and you shouldn’t be encouraging it. Russell’s involvement in this idiot plan didn’t surprise you; Colter’s did. He knew better. But you also knew that if he thought he had a chance to get the missing guy back home safely, he was going to take it, no matter the personal risk. If you didn’t go like he asked and anything happened to him or Russell, you’d never forgive yourself.

“Please?” 

You pinched the bridge of your nose between your thumb and forefinger, your decision made. “Send me the location and I’ll leave now to meet you.”

“Thank you.” You could hear the genuine gratitude in his tone. “I promise I’ll explain everything.”

“You better,” you nearly growled before disconnecting the call. You had a feeling you knew what he was going to tell you but for his sake, you hoped it wasn’t anything close to what you were thinking. But why else would Russell not want to call law enforcement for help in rescuing his friend who had been taken hostage by a foreign criminal? God, you hoped you were wrong.

You let out another loud sigh and before you could stand, your phone started ringing again. When you glanced at the screen, instead of a name, you saw “Blocked”. Not good.

You swiped green, holding it to your ear. “Y/L/N.”

“We have a problem,” said the voice on the other end, one you knew all too well, and it didn't sound happy. Shit.

You watched as Colter’s truck pulled up alongside your car. Colter got out and noticed you leaning against your trunk, arms crossed and a scowl in place. Russell came around from the other side. 

“Either of you boys see two suicidal idiots around here? Oh, wait.”

Russell’s jaw tightened. “It wasn’t my idea to call you.” He slid a glare over to his brother. 

“You’re lucky he did,” you snapped. “And since I’m here,” You got to your feet and turned to open your trunk, revealing a smorgasbord of gear and weapons. “We’re going to be doing this my way.” You held out a bulletproof vest to Colter first and he immediately started to strap it on. You held one out to Russell but he shook his head and didn’t take it. You glanced over to find he had already put his own on while you’d been grabbing one for his brother.

“Okay, look,” Russell started, his eyes scanning your makeshift armory and setting your teeth on edge. “This isn’t some FBI raid of some drug gang. This guy, Carlos Solano, he’s the real deal. He’s as dangerous as they come.”

You could feel your irritation turning into anger at the suggestion that you didn’t know how serious this was, and from him of all people. “And what am I? Some part-time mall security guard? A receptionist at the Academy? I’ve dealt with cartels before and they’re as dangerous as they come, too. So take that mansplaining and shove it right up where the sun doesn't shine.”

Russell took a step closer and laid a hand on your shoulder, his eyes burning into you. “Be pissed at me all you want but I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“But you’re okay with your brother getting hurt?” You briefly glanced in Colter’s direction. The younger man was watching you two carefully as he adjusted his vest one last time, wisely choosing to stay out of this one. 

Russell’s jaw clenched and he dropped his hand. “I’ve got him.”

You snorted and grabbed a gun, loading it quickly. “And I’ve got both of you. Now, we’ve got a bit of a hike so let’s cut the chit chat and get this over with, shall we?” You motioned for Colter to turn around and you inserted an extra handgun into the back of his belt. “We stick together as a unit. You hear me? No wandering off alone.”

Colter faced you again. “Yes, Mom,” he teased.

You swatted at his shoulder before checking the fit of his vest, nodding in approval.

“I have done this before, you know.”

You knew that already. You’d been there with him a couple of times for such instances. “Good for you,” you quipped. “But for kicks, how about you just humor me?”

He rolled his eyes and you smirked, turning to slam the trunk shut. You glanced up to find Russell watching you, his jaw still tight but his eyes containing a familiar light that you hadn’t seen in a while. “You good?”

“Yep.” And just like that, the light hollowed out, replaced by something far colder yet familiar, but not because you’d seen it in his gaze. You’d seen it often enough in your own when looking into the mirror. 

Pushing that thought away and shifting focus, you began to lead the way into the trees. “Alright, let’s do this and get Doug home in time for breakfast.” Colter flanked you on your right while Russell came up on your left. 

“Let’s rock and roll,” he agreed. 

It hadn’t been as bad as you’d been expecting, even after you’d received the intel Colter had referred to on the phone. One guard and three henchmen. You were annoyed and almost insulted that they had presented so little a challenge considering Carlos Solano was supposed to be this big bad criminal. But when you glanced over and saw Colter looking over Russell’s bloody jacket sleeve, you regretted the thought and gratitude immediately filled you that things hadn’t been worse. Russell had taken a bullet to the arm and thankfully, it had passed right through. 

Before you could shoot the bastard that shot him, Colter and Russell were on it. You watched in awe as the brothers moved as a single unit, almost as if they hadn’t been strained or missed a beat over the years. You supposed you should be happy that they were working together rather than still arguing over shit from a lifetime ago that had torn their family apart. For Colter’s sake at least.

Just then, you heard what sounded like a small plane outside. You hurried to a window and glanced outside, seeing a rapidly descending charter plane aiming for the tiny landing strip in the back of the property. Right on time.

You let the curtain fall and looked back at the guys. “Time to go.”

Doug’s face was ashen while Colter and Russell exchanged glances. Immediately, Russell picked up his gun and got ready to leave the room.

You rushed to stop him. “There will be none of that!” 

“You guys get Doug back to the truck. I’ll handle this.”

You practically jogged around him, planting yourself in his path. “Not happening.”

He glared down at you. “Y/N, I need to close this up. Move.”

You scowled right back. “You’ve been shot.”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I have to finish this.”

You refused to budge. “You are not finishing anything. You’re getting the hell out of here, that’s what you’re doing.” 

“Y/N—”

“Guys, not the time,” Colter interceded. “He’s getting off that plane any second now, so what’s the plan?”

“She’s right, man,” Doug added, making both of your gazes snap over at him. “We really need to go.”

Voices suddenly sounded outside and you all glanced towards the window.

“Shit,” you muttered, quickly checking the chamber on your gun. As you were about to head out of the room, a hand grasped gently under your chin and forced your eyes to meet Russell’s. You could see the pleading there but also a stone-cold resignation. “Go with Colter and Doug,” he urged, giving you a brief but strained smile. “I need you to go.” You felt the rough skin of his thumb on your cheek as he moved it tenderly back and forth.

You knew what he was really telling you, what he planned to do, but hell if you weren’t more infuriated with him. You were so sick of the self-sacrificial bullshit. Hadn’t it cost you enough? Cost you both?

You pulled away from him, giving him a glare. “I don’t think you understand,” you said in a tone so cold you were pretty sure you could give the winds in Antarctica a run for their money. “I’m taking Solano in and I am not leaving until I have my suspect alive and in custody.” Russell looked pissed but you couldn’t care less. Better than him being dead in the next two minutes.

You turned to face Colter and Doug so they also got the message. “This case is under Federal jurisdiction now.” Colter glanced between you and his brother who you turned back to face. “I’m bringing him in. Got it?”

Russell went to say something but didn’t get the chance. The sounds of gunfire erupted right outside the room and you all had to duck for cover. 

You secured your handcuffs around Carlos Solano’s wrists that had been forced behind his back once you shoved him into the chair in the room, purposely tightening the metal bracelets past the point of comfort. The man reacted, cursing you out as you smirked up at him. 

Getting to your feet, you focused on the Shaws and Doug. Russell watched you with a glare while Colter waited for you to speak. Doug looked downright terrified. They had helped you to take down Solano’s men who had flown with him — all three of them. Russell aimed for Solano but at the last second, you got in his way and tackled the criminal to the ground. Needless to say, he wasn’t happy with you. Oh well. The feeling was mutual.

Colter placed his hands on his hips. “Alright, so how are we getting him back to the truck? Are we just going to drag him through the woods and hope we don’t come across anybody else he might have coming here? How are we going to work this?”

You slipped your gun back into your holster. “He doesn’t have anyone else coming here and the plan is that you three are going to head back to the truck and get out of here. I’m going to wait for a pickup,” You gestured towards the window with your thumb where the landing strip could be seen. “They’re nearby, waiting for my call, and they won’t take long to get here.” You shook your phone in your hand, indicating you were going to be using it.

Russell glanced around, as if expecting Agents to start popping up out of the woodworks at any second, before his eyes settled back on you. “So you called this in after all?”

You shrugged. “You were going into a fully armed compound to rescue a hostage, a two-man team against a crime lord on the FBI’s Most Wanted list? Yeah, of course, I did.”

He shook his head, chuckling and muttering a curse under his breath. “Of course you did,” he echoed, shooting a look over at his brother. 

Colter’s gaze flickered back to you. “We’ll wait with you until they get here.”

You offered up a small smile. “I appreciate it but not necessary. I’ve got this until they get here and I do the handover.”

“But—”

“Look, you should get Doug out of here.” You inclined your head in the direction of the man who was staring dazedly at the floor. “You need to get him checked out and your brother should get his arm looked at.”

“I’m fine,” Russell interjected.

You ignored him. “I’ll be alright, Colter. Believe it or not, you tend to get experience with this kind of thing once or twice before becoming a Special Agent.” You meant it as a light-hearted reassurance but you could tell that both Shaw brothers were going to be a hard sell. At least Colter’s reasoning was up front and above board.

“I’m sure but I don’t feel comfortable leaving you alone. Not with him.” Colter gestured towards Solano who spit in his direction.

“I won’t be for long. But you guys need to get out of here. The Bureau can’t know you were involved in this.” You shot him a meaningful look. “For multiple reasons.”

The younger man looked as if he was going to protest again when you held up a hand. “Colter. You may not like it but you need to do as I’m telling you. If the Bureau finds any of you here…” You could tell that he didn’t care so much about himself but you let your eyes briefly flick in Russell’s direction, who was busy glaring at the man you had bound to the chair. You saw Colter’s expression immediately change and you knew you had succeeded in convincing him to vacate the area as soon as possible.

He nodded his head in assent. “Okay.” He laid a hand on Doug’s shoulder, prompting the man to look up at him, and urged him to start moving to the door.

“Okay? What do you mean okay?” Russell huffed.

Colter held up a hand. “Russell—”

“No.” Russell turned a glare on you. “Not okay. He’s a loose end that needs tying up. He knows who we are now, he came after Doug, and the FBI isn’t going to do shit with him.” You narrowed your eyes in a glare but he continued. “That’s not an insult. It’s the truth and you know it. They’re going to what? Get him to talk, to roll over on someone else he has connections to who’s higher up their food chain, and he gets off scot free? No, not happening on my watch.” 

He took a step forward and so did you, in front of Solano. You drew your gun but held it loosely across your waist, your finger on the trigger, ready and waiting should you need it. Russell stopped cold, his eyes flickering back and forth between you and the weapon in your hand. Colter and Doug were frozen, watching the scene unfold.

“I told you,” you said in the most deadly serious tone you could muster. “I’m taking him in, alive. If you have a problem with that, well…” You flipped the safety on the gun off. “You’ll have to go through me. And I promise you, my aim is a hell of a lot more accurate at close range than it’s ever been.”

Russell didn’t blink, he just kept scowling at you.

“Russ?” Colter called.

“Don’t make me kill you in front of him, Russell,” you murmured so only the two of you would hear. You were serious as a heart attack. No matter how you had felt about him once upon a time, this was important enough for you to make good on your threat if you needed to.

“You wouldn’t.”

“I would and it will be justified by the higher ups as protection of a high-valued target before your body goes cold.” You hated saying the words but it was nothing but the truth that you spoke. You hoped he heard the message underneath your words: walk away, this isn’t worth dying over. “And he’ll be further traumatized,” you inclined your head in Colter’s direction. “Losing his brother right in front of him, just like he lost his dad.” You knew that was a severely low blow but he also needed to hear you. 

As expected, Russell’s jaw clenched and you saw a twitch in the good arm he had, the one that was holding his gun. “Don’t be stupid and do that to him,” you warned. “Walk away.”

That cold look was back in his eyes again. You mentally prepared yourself for what was about to go down. You had hoped he wouldn’t force your hand but then again, Russell Shaw had always been the epitome of stubborn, usually to his own detriment…and yours.   

“Russell?” Colter tried again.

“Russ, come on, man. Let it be for now,” Doug added in, trying to help. “And let’s regroup.”

This time, Russell appeared to hear them both, his gaze breaking from yours momentarily, flickering over Solano behind you, who was laughing and smirking in the former’s direction, clearly enjoying the standoff over him. 

Russell’s eyes met yours again but this time, there was nothing familiar about the green you used to stare into when he’d sway with you on the dance floor to a slow song playing overhead or when you’d both wear matching sated grins and laugh, a pleasant exhaustion overtaking you as he pulled you into his arms in a motel bed. It was almost like staring into a dark void and you couldn’t help but wonder how often that void showed up during war or if the war created it — the old chicken or the egg question. Either way, you knew you’d succeeded in convincing him to leave, but you’d also have to watch yourself. There was no warmth left in those jade-colored orbs when they focused on you. You’d done your work well; you’d crossed a line that you could never go back from.

“Alright,” he capitulated, loud enough that the two men near the doorway heard him. He relaxed his arm and slipped his gun into a pocket in his vest. His face lightened a little and a strained smile worked its way across his face. He glanced back at his brother. “She’s right. We should get Doug out of here.” He turned back to face you, his smile fading. “She’s got this.” He then glanced in Solano’s direction, smirking right back. “I’ll see you soon,” he promised, giving him a finger gun and winking, before his expression became stone once more and he walked away, glaring at you as he did.

You lifted your chin, not reacting in the slightest, until Solano shouted out, “You’ll be seeing me? No, puta, I’ll be seeing you. You’ll never see it coming, you hear me? You’ll never see it co—” You spun a few degrees and pistol-whipped him, causing the jackass to cry out in pain before you turned back to face Doug and the two most important men in your life. “Get going,” you growled out, lifting your phone with your other hand as a subtle threat.

Colter gave you a nod, the concern still there in his dark brown gaze as he led Doug out the door. Russell’s eyes never left you, even when he walked out the door a moment later, following his little brother’s lead. You never looked away even when he was past the threshold. 

You ignored Solano’s yelling threats and kept your eyes on the spot you had last seen the Shaws disappear through a few minutes longer than needed, tense and ready in case Russell decided to double back. Though you highly doubted he’d come at you from the same angle. A part of you was making sure you stayed prepared in case there was an ambush, yes, but another part of you knew your gaze was lingering on the spot because you knew things had now drastically changed between you and Russell forever. He would never forgive your threats and you would never forgive yourself for having to make them. Though that remorse was more related to Colter than his brother. Regardless, when it came to the Shaws now, you were fucked. Not even Dory would want to hear from you, not that she had all that much before, but now it was definitely a no go. And that saddened you tremendously.

Hearing more of Solano’s threats, you recentered your focus on the task at hand and prepared to wait, giving him one more pistol whip for good measure, before you settled in and kept both eyes and ears open for any possible ambush that might come your way before you could finish up here. 

You leaned against the workstation next to the chair, waiting, gun still in hand and your eyes focused on it. You had waited a certain amount of time to allow the boys to get out of the area.

“The soldado was right, you know. They’re not going to hold me,” Solano bragged.

You briefly closed your eyes in annoyance. He had been talking ever since you were left alone with him. He had offered you money to let him go, offered you riches and power that you knew for a fact he had no business offering. He even had the nerve to propose making you one of his new lieutenants, citing your fighting skills and gun handling that he’d briefly witnessed. He knew you would be able to protect him because you had from the asesinos who had killed his brother. He then changed tactics, threatening you, your loved ones, the men who just left…now, he was boasting about how he would walk free and whatever charges were thrown at him wouldn’t stick. You just wished he would shut the hell up already. Needless to say, it had been a long twenty minutes. You now understood why his brother had been the businessman and he was only the muscle willing to do the dirty work. His bargaining skills were for shit, not that it mattered in the scheme of things. No deals were being made today.

“I offer them a little bit of money and they’ll just make the case go away. Just like that.”

You checked your watch. Twenty two minutes now. That was good enough. You slowly got to your feet and moved past him to look out the window. You had purposely moved his chair out of the sight of the glass, in case Russell got any ideas.

“That’s how it works here in America. Everybody knows that. If the criminals have money and power, they don’t stay in jail.”

You ignored him, glancing around to see if there was any movement outside. You didn’t see any. 

“They won’t keep me locked up. They weren’t able to in my home country. What makes you think they’ll be able to here? Where corruption is ripe and anyone can be bought? And then I’ll be coming for you and for your friends. You will wish for death long before I am through with you.”

You made your way to another window, lifting the curtain and looking around. Still nothing.

“There’s no point in bringing me to jail. It will never hold me.”

You lowered the curtain and squared your shoulders, turning to face his direction. You focused on him, staring right into his eyes. “You know, I think you’re right.”

Solano seemed pleasantly surprised for a moment, thinking you were finally stupid enough to take one of his offers, before his eyes narrowed with realization. “No, wait—”

You quickly lifted your gun and squeezed off a round. His head snapped back from the force and the space behind him was spattered with red among other things. One glance confirmed your aim had been accurate; he was dead. Right through the eye. What you’d said to Russell earlier hadn’t been an exaggeration; you were much more accurate at close range than you’d ever been.

You slipped a pair of gloves on that you pulled from your pants pocket and immediately started unzipping the small compartments on the side of your vest where you usually kept extra ammo in a raid, pulling out small white bottles that weren’t sporting any labels. You began to squirt the liquid from inside them all around the room, dousing Solano’s body with a healthy amount.

You continued into the house, having quite a few bottles of lighter fluid to empty out in specific areas that would help achieve your goal. Arson wasn’t your preferred route but it did get rid of pesky little things like hair and DNA, and what it didn’t, it contaminated which would make it harder for not only law enforcement but the justice system to work with. Though you weren’t too worried about either looking at this particular house fire too closely.

You didn’t bother collecting any bullet casings, knowing that your gun and the ones you’d given Colter to use would be untraceable even if they somehow managed to get a hold of any of the weapons (which they wouldn’t). And Russell’s gun…you figured he had that handled. The only thing you did collect were your handcuffs. 

You also didn’t bother staging anything for the scene. There was already enough evidence that pointed to the theory that Solano’s own men had turned on him and a gunfight ensued, resulting in the multiple dead bodies. While an arson specialist would most likely be able to tell that an accelerant had been used, there was no way for them to confirm just who had been present for this battle and who had gotten away. Satellite imagery would be shoddy at best due to the foliage cover (and eventual smoke) but still, you planned to set the fire and make your getaway out the back, crossing over the landing strip so if they went back to look for any heat signatures after the fire started, it would be one person leaving the scene alive, the person they would assume had started the blaze. There were no nearby neighbors to immediately call first responders but that didn’t mean smoke wouldn’t be seen from the sky from miles away or that a fiery orange blaze in the distance wouldn’t be noticed by residents of another vacation home or cars traveling the backroads in the area. Since you planned to go into the deep woods and take the long roundabout route back to your car, you weren’t too worried about your path being followed.

Once you had completed all of your tasks, you used the fireplace to help, moving the grate out of the way, starting a fire, and then knocking a fiery log onto the wooden flooring. You used a lighter to set flammable materials that you could find to add to the flames. Only when the room was nearly engulfed did you finally slip a beanie from your pocket, cover your head fully, and make your way out of the house. Once at the landing strip, you ducked under the plane, making sure you couldn’t be seen from above. 

You watched as the flames consumed the house. Once the smoke was sufficient, flames were ragings out of the windows, and the sound of breaking glass could be heard, you knew it was time for you to vacate the vicinity before the sirens started up. It was fortunate that most people were asleep at this hour but the sun was due to come up not too long from now and you had a long trek ahead of you, so you needed to get moving.

You kept your head down and made your way into the woods surrounding the property line. 

The sun was breaching the horizon and quickly warming the sky by the time you made it back to your car. You were relieved that Colter’s truck was gone and you needed to quickly make tracks as well. Sirens had started up an hour ago and you needed to get the hell out of Dodge before the cops were all over these roads. You tossed your weapons and vest into the trunk and got in the car. You slipped your beanie off your head, tossing it onto the seat next to you, and started the engine.

Just as you had expected, cops were everywhere but thankfully, you had timed it just right and gotten out before they could block all of the mountain roads. Once you were back in town a few hours later and a certain distance away, you pulled a phone out of your glove compartment you kept there for emergencies and turned it on. You pressed a button and it immediately dialed the number programmed — the only number you had saved on this device. 

It rang once before the same voice from yesterday picked up. “Is it done?”

“We’re clear,” you confirmed. “It’s been handled.”

“Shaw?”

Your jaw clenched. You knew that despite how you and Russell had left things earlier, you would do whatever it took to keep him breathing. “He’s a soldier. He follows orders.”

“He wasn’t so willing to follow orders in this situation.”

“You know what they’re taught. Leave no man behind. He got his man so he’ll be fine. Things can go back to how they were. He’s not going to be an issue and he’s clean, just like you wanted.”

And then you were asked the one question you didn’t want to hear. “And the brother? What’s your assessment?”

The knuckles of your free hand gripped your steering wheel so tightly that you could see how white your skin turned from the pressure. “Non-issue. He has no interest in you.”

“He seemed interested yesterday.”

You forced yourself to remain calm and nonchalant. “He’s paid to be nosy when someone goes missing so he can get them found. He found who he was looking for, he was able to keep the promise to the guy’s wife — it’s over for him. The case is closed, it’s as simple as that for him. He’s no threat.”

You waited to hear a response, holding your breath and your hand gripping the wheel even tighter, your body tensed. This would be what decided your fate. Either you would be allowed to go on as before or you’d be going on a mission up against one of the top private security contractor firms in the world which wouldn’t end well for you. But you’d take out whoever you could with you before you were killed.

Another moment passed before the voice replied, “Understood.”

Your body relaxed slightly and your shoulders sunk in relief. Colter was safe. Russell was safe…for now. And you didn’t have to go all Rambo Kamikaze on anyone. Win-win all around.

“I’ll let the higher ups know the situation has been contained. Good work. We’ll be in touch.”

Without waiting for a response from you, the call disconnected. You quickly shut the phone off and tossed it back into its original spot. You let out a deep breath and the exhaustion from the past twelve hours immediately overtook your body. Deciding that returning to your place was not an option for you right now, you headed to another part of town, parked your car on the street some blocks away to the nearest motel, and using a baseball cap to cover your hair along with sunglasses, you hoofed it and then booked a room, paying cash and using a fake name. Once you set up everything you needed to in your quarters, you slipped onto the mattress and got some much needed rest, keeping your gun under your pillow within reach should you need it.

You pulled up to Colter’s trailer, watching as he stepped outside to greet you. You put your car in park, took a deep breath, and got out. You offered Colter a small smile. “Hey.”

He returned it. “Hey.”

You had been surprised when Colter called you a few days later to let you know he was still in town for a bit and invited you to drop by for a beer. Not surprised that he was still around (you already knew that) but surprised that he even wanted to speak to you. Perhaps Russell hadn’t told him what you’d threatened back in the mountains.

You took the beer he offered to you and followed him over to the firepit, taking a seat on one of the coolers. He sat nearby and held up his bottle in a toast. You mirrored him and then you both took a sip. You nearly sighed in satisfaction as the carbonated beverage slid down your throat. You enjoyed the taste and checked the label. “Mmm, home brew…not bad. You got something you want to tell me? Planning on opening some sort of brewery outfit anytime soon?” You were teasing but if Colter really was thinking of doing something else — anything else — instead of his current job, you’d fully support it.

“Not me.” Disappointment flared in your chest, your hope dashed. “Russ was actually the one who made it. I had some left over from the other night.”

The beer suddenly began to sour in your stomach. Well, you supposed it was good that Russell was starting to think of the future, the most important part of that being that there would be one. It still burned a bit, though.

You decided to change the subject so you wouldn’t have to think about that right then. “So, your guy is back home safe?”

Colter nodded. “Dropped him off myself.” Something else you already knew but you had to keep up appearances.

You nodded, biting your lip and staring into the flames. “And your brother?”

Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed Colter’s jaw tense for a moment. “Gone.” Though you had an idea that was the case, Colter’s confirmation still stung, like someone poking a finger into an old wound after ripping the scar tissue away. But what else had you expected? This was Russell Shaw you two were talking about after all.

You snorted and shook your head, taking another swig of beer. “Of course he is.”

He turned to look at you. “You know, you never told me what happened between you two.”

You shrugged a shoulder. “Not worth going into, trust me.”

Thankfully, Colter left it alone and he rolled with it when you brought up a different topic instead. 

“So, how much longer are you here for?”

“Teddi and Velma are working on that right now actually. Hopefully, something pops up soon.” He took another sip of beer, turning to gaze at the flames as well.

“It will.” Fortunately for him and sadly for others, someone would always go missing.

“How about you? Are they sending you somewhere for a new case or are they going to let you stay local for a bit? If it’s the latter, maybe you could get a dog for that place of yours?”

You smirked and ran your thumb down the smooth glass of the brown bottle in your hand. Colter kept teasing you about the residence you maintained nearby considering you were never really there most of the time. He’d then extoll the virtues of living on the open road, not having roots put down anywhere that would grow into expectations, and the unrestrained thrill of it all. The first time you’d had that conversation, you knew then that the desire to keep moving and stay unburdened must be a male Shaw thing. Dory seemed happy where she had settled and you — you wanted a home base. Some place you could come back to where you were still able to connect to yourself again, no matter how lost at sea you might be at times, no matter how much you felt as if every single piece of you was floating away on the wind until only a monster was left standing there, staring back at you in the rearview mirror of your car.

“Right now, I have a few things I need to close up,” you lied. “Then I’ll probably get sent out in the field again to work some cases.” You hated lying to him but you had no choice. His safety came first. As much as you had hated Russell for a time, you could now appreciate the difficult position he was in. Though, he had chosen to be put there, and now, so had you. 

You watched Colter nod, accepting your answer. “I still think a German Shepherd would be a great choice for you,” he teased. “You know, a big dog, trainable, would make a good guard dog. You could take it with you, chase suspects down together...”

“Oh yeah, I could see it now,” you played along. “I’d have to sneak him into hotel rooms, make sure he doesn’t take a shit on the rug… Then we’d go on the job and I could introduce him to everyone, ‘I’m Special Agent Y/L/N but you can call me Turner and this is my partner Hooch.’”

Colter winced. “No, no. You have to give him a name that will strike fear into the hearts of the criminals you track down. Like General or Commando or Killer. Killer! Now that’s a good name. That will make anyone think twice about running from a dog with that name.”

This time, you were the one who winced though you hid it well. Instead, you forced out a laugh. “I am not getting a huge dog named Killer and bringing him to work with me.”

He grinned. “That’s a shame. I would have loved to have seen the look on your face when the dog would sit in the front seat.”

“There would be no front seat sitting. Back seat only.”

“Like a criminal who he just helped you to arrest? That’s cold, even for you.”

“I am so glad that you have this imaginary dog of mine’s back.”

He snickered and took a drink, looking back at the flames. Your smile slowly faded as you did the same. You both sat there, drinking in a companionable silence for a bit.

Eventually, your eyes flickered over towards him. “I need you to promise me something.”

His brows drew together questioningly when he met your gaze.

“Horizon…” You noticed him tense slightly at the mention. “No more.” When you saw the confusion in his expression, you elaborated. “No more digging, no more Reenie asking her contacts about them, no more mention of them period. You got the guy you were looking for. Now, put it to bed and forget that you ever knew they existed.”

His confusion increased. “I did put it to bed the second I dropped Doug off at his door and saw him hug his wife.”

You gave him a look. “Col, I need you to promise me,” you softly entreated. 

His brows arched slightly at the use of the nickname; you didn’t use it often and if you were, then he knew you meant business. He also knew what you were telling him without explicitly saying it; Horizon was dangerous and they were better left alone. It would be better for him to get a case of sudden amnesia about anything related to the organization.

He watched you for a moment before giving you a nod. “As long as nobody else goes missing like Doug did and as long as Russ is okay, they’re forgotten.”

You knew that was the best you were going to get from him and you leaned forward slightly. “And if anything happens to Russ, I’ll be right there with you, knocking on their front door,” you promised. And you would be; no question about it.

The corner of his lips tipped up in the beginning of a smile and after a moment, you couldn’t help but return it. 

The coffee shop you were in was decently quiet considering it was around 8:55 in the morning and most people were making their last minute dashes for caffeine before the working day began. You sat near the window, facing the entrance so you could keep an eye on who came in and out. You had ordered your usual, a soy vanilla latte, and you carefully sipped at the hot liquid. You scanned your phone for the day’s headlines, looking for any updates on the mysterious house fire that started in the mountains a few nights ago.  

You knew you wouldn’t find any and sure enough, you didn’t. Someone was working overtime to squash the case from up above, just like you knew they would. You also knew that some local law enforcement officials didn’t buy the criminals-turning-on-their-boss theory and they actually thought the scene looked like a professional hit. Exactly what you figured would happen when accelerants had been found to be used at the scene. As much as you were sure the cops were looking to sink their teeth into something exciting to happen in those parts in however long, the bottom line was the case would get dropped and no one was going to care what happened to a violent criminal like Carlos Solano. The FBI would actually be relieved to remove one more name from their list, one more file from their desks. One more dangerous bad guy removed from the world that threatened American citizens as well as national security. No one was going to miss the murderous bastard.

You powered down your screen and placed your phone on the table, turning to glance out the window. That was when you saw him. Well, the reflection of him. 

You watched as he walked towards you, still dressed in a ratty pair of jeans and old boots, wearing another t-shirt with a different musician on it while sporting an open button-up over it, and donning that old military style jacket. His eyes were intent on you and you had to wonder how he had gotten in without you seeing him. The answer was in the reflection of someone walking past him to get to the bathrooms in the rear of the cafe. There was no exit located near there, you knew that because this was a local spot of yours, so how did he… Shit.

Even though you watched him in the glass and he watched you back, you didn’t give anything away to alert him that you knew he was there. You started calculating in your head how many people stood in between you and the front door (your only exit at this point), how much force you would have to use to catch him off guard and knock him to the ground so you could make your escape, and how fast you would have to run to your car. You even had a moment to debate drawing your gun and your badge, and making a scene to get yourself out of this mess. But all of that proved to be for naught when he came to a stop near you and announced his presence by asking, “This seat taken?”

You slowly turned to face him, arching an inquisitive brow, but you eventually shook your head. His lips twitched into the beginning of a smirk and he took the seat across from you. His eyes were a lot lighter than they were the other day as they took you in. “Looking good, Y/N. Like always.”

Your eyes narrowed. “Really?”

He shrugged and reached for your coffee, taking the lid off. You hated it when he did this, the whole sharing coffee thing; now you would need to order another one…well, depending on how this impromptu meeting went. “What, I can’t tell my girl that she looks good?” He took a sip and made a face. “How do you still drink this crap? It tastes like foam mixed with shit.”

“And free garbage coffee from the lobby of the latest scuzzy motel you’re staying in doesn’t?”

“Hey, don’t knock it. They have real nice machines now and it tastes the way coffee should. Not like this bullshit.”

You watched as he grabbed a spoon, added some sugar, and began stirring the crap out of what had once been your perfect latte. You thought over what he’d said before. “I’m not your girl, Russell.” His eyes met yours. “I haven’t been for some time now.”

He finished stirring and removed the spoon, lifting the glass to take a sip. “You’ll always be my girl.”

You snorted and lifted a finger in the air to signal to the barista that you wanted another coffee. The kid gave you a nod and turned to make it. “Is that what you tell yourself when you’re hooking up with cheerleaders-turned-dental-hygienists in hot tubs?”

Russell pressed his lips together and looked appropriately chastised, not even bothering to deny it. “Colter told you. I should’ve known he would mention it. You two were always close like that.”   

You didn’t confirm or deny that. There was no point in mentioning that Colter hadn’t been the one to tell you, not intentionally anyway. Instead, you leaned forward in your chair. “What do you want, Russell?”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“About what?” You snapped. You had been on edge, thinking he was here to either kill you or threaten you. Then him hitting on you and making that asinine and incredibly presumptuous statement bothered you more than you cared to admit. Not to mention he pissed you off when he took the latte you’d decided to treat yourself with after a few difficult days (without even asking you might add), knowing how that had irked you anytime he did it when you were dating. It was like the man was begging you to put a foot in his ass.

Russell glanced around briefly before removing something from inside his jacket. It was a folded up newspaper and he slapped it down in front of you. A picture of a burnt out structure stared back up at you with the headline reading above it “House Fire Claims 8 Lives, Sheriff Confirms Arson”. Your eyes met his and in that moment, you knew that he knew.

You refused to give it away just like that, though. If he wanted the truth, he’d have to work for it. He wasn’t getting anything for free, not from you, not anymore. You gave him a smirk. “Is this your way of telling me that you’ve finally learned to read, Russ? I’m impressed, really.”

Instead of being insulted, his eyes widened slightly. “You called me Russ.”

You sat back in your chair, pushing the newspaper away from you and prying eyes, waiting for the barista making his way over to you to deliver your coffee. “Slip of the tongue. Won’t happen again.” You smiled at the young kid in thanks when he placed the drink down in front of you and promptly slid your glass out of Russell’s reach. He saw it and immediately worked to smother a smile as the kid walked away.

“So, you got any more interesting tricks I should know about?”

Without any preamble, Russell said, “Solano’s dead,” the exact second you took a sip of your new coffee. If he was expecting any reaction to the news, he was in for disappointment when you didn’t give it.

“Yes, I heard. Quite unfortunate.”

“They’re all dead actually. Even that guard we subdued in the beginning.”

You remembered; you’d been the one to kill him after all. Once Russell and Colter got to their feet after knocking the guard out and started moving towards the house, you quietly pulled a knife and slipped the blade into the side of the man’s head. You’d cut his zip ties, removed them and the gag, and then caught up to the guys — all within seconds. You had made sure to move the guard’s body inside later, right before you’d started the fire, trying your best to get rid of any drag marks you’d left on the ground. You were there to clean up the mess, not leave witnesses, even if they had never seen any of you coming.

You nodded. “I know, I heard that, too. Is there a point here somewhere or can I get back to the nice morning I was having before you showed up to steal my coffee?”

Russell was the one to lean forward this time, lowering his voice even further. “You said you were calling in the FBI for a pickup. Who did you really call?”

You could tell he was trying to give you an out, an opportunity to explain that it wasn’t what he was thinking, and maybe you should have lied your ass off…but you no longer wanted to. You knew Russell; he wasn’t going to let this go until he had an answer that he deemed to be the truth. And while you could give him a distorted version of that truth that didn’t land at your feet, a petty part of you wanted him to know. 

“Y/N?” He pressed. “Who did you call?”

You sat back in your chair, considering him for a moment before you spoke. “No one.”

Russell dropped his head, briefly closing his eyes. “Fuck, I was afraid of that.” He glanced up at you, his eyes full of a sadness you hadn’t seen in some time. You knew he wouldn’t be happy if he ever found out the truth, but not to this extent. “I told you to walk away and let me handle it.” His voice was softer, not as gruff as before. You realized then that you’d accomplished what that vindictive side of you had wanted all along, ever since the day he walked away; you’d hurt him and caused him pain. Pain that you could see clear as day lining his face right now. He wasn’t even trying to hide it. And quite frankly, that pain caught you off guard. After all of this time, this is what it took for him to feel even a sliver of what you’d felt back in the day when he’d left you bleeding, your heart torn from your chest and sitting in pieces on the floor he’d just casually walked over to get to the door?

Not really sure what to make of this development or the emotions it caused to rise up within you, you went into pure professional mode and forged ahead. “The three of you didn’t need to be involved.” You could see the pain getting worse and it made you uncomfortable, something prodding at your chest and itching at your skin that you really didn’t care for. “Besides, last I checked, I don’t take orders from you, Shaw.” You threw his last name in there as a last resort to put even more distance there between you.

His eyes flicked from the newspaper to you. “Who do you take orders from then? Something tells me this wasn’t FBI-sanctioned.” 

You surreptitiously glanced around you before leaning in, lowering your voice.“You know, going to your handler’s house during her kid’s birthday party was a pretty bad idea. Ann really didn’t like that.” You watched as Russell’s eyes widened slightly before his face fell, a dreaded realization filling his expression. He had never mentioned her name to you before and he knew Colter hadn’t mentioned her to you either when giving you the rundown of what they knew before meeting up in the mountains. You sat back, tensed and ready for whatever came next. 

His jaw clenched. “How long?” He ground out.

“Long enough.”

You kept your gaze trained on his and you did your best to read him, trying to assess what he might do, now that the pain was all but absent since your revelation. Would he tell you to watch your back and leave? Would he tell you to stay away from Colter for good? It was hard to gauge from the way he was staring at you right then. You could see anger bubbling underneath but you also caught something coming to the surface that strangely looked like remorse. Considering you hadn’t seen that emotion on him too often, it was tough to be sure in your identification of it. And then something flickered in his eyes right then, something so fast you almost didn’t catch it, but you did. Fear that quickly dissolved into determination. You braced yourself for whatever he would say or do; this was it. This would determine your next steps.

Instead, he surprised you once more. He snatched the newspaper up and slipped it back into his jacket, before reaching over and taking your hand in his. “I’m getting you out of here. Now. Let’s go.”

Stunned, you wordlessly got to your feet but then it hit you, you were about to go somewhere alone with him. Not that you couldn’t handle yourself but he had still been Special Ops once upon a time and he killed people for a living…just like you. 

“Russell, I’m not—”

“Yes, you are,” he growled. “I’m getting you as far from here as I can. I’ve got a buddy who has a cabin in upstate New York. It’s got months-long supplies, power and running water, and a small armory. You’ll be safe there until this whole thing blows over.”

You yanked your hand out of his and grabbed your phone and jacket. “I’m plenty safe here. I have no reason to run, so I’m staying. You want to leave? Go right ahead. We both know it’s what you’re best at.” The sadness was back but you looked away from it. Yes, that had been another low blow but it was also well-deserved. You moved past him, refusing to look over your shoulder even once. There was no way he’d do anything out in the open; he wouldn’t dare risk it, especially now.

You slipped into your car, not surprised in the least when Russell got in on the other side before you could even think about locking the doors.

“What are you doing?” You hissed.

“What’s it look like?” He clicked his seatbelt. “I’m staying with you until you agree to my plan to get you someplace safe or you explain how the hell this even happened.” He pulled out the newspaper, holding it up for a moment before tossing it to the floor. You could see the determined set to his jaw and you knew he meant it. 

“Russell,” You pinched the bridge of your nose. “I do not have time for this.” You blew out a quiet breath and turned to face him. “Now I suggest you get out of my car or—”

“You’ll shoot me?” He shot you a look. Yeah, he was still pissed about the threats you’d made a few nights ago. You supposed you couldn’t blame him but you did what you had to do to get him and his brother out of there. You had regrets but they were slim. “We both know you won’t.”

That infuriated you and had you seething. “You think I won’t?”

“I know you won’t. Just like I know that no matter how much you tell yourself that you hate me, you really don’t.”

You scoffed out a laugh in disbelief. “Wow, you really are incredibly delusi—”

“I also know you would never do that to my brother.” Your glare in his direction intensified. “You’ve always been protective of him. Just like me.” A glimmer of a fond smile worked its way onto his bearded face.

Your jaw clenched and you looked away from him, back towards the coffee shop you had just stormed out of, your grip tightening on your steering wheel. It was true; you’d always looked out for Colter in some way ever since you’d gotten to know him through Russell. 

While the relationship between the brothers had been strained for years, it didn’t mean that there hadn’t been a couple of times where Dory hadn’t attempted to get them into a room together to try to fix what had been broken. In one such instance, Russell had brought you along, after shocking you by asking you two nights before to accompany him. The man had spent over a decade in the military, worked Special Ops, and there wasn’t much he was afraid of, if at all. But when you were wrapping leftovers to throw into the fridge and he’d laid a hand on your shoulder, turning you to face him, you’d never seen Russell Shaw look so worried, vulnerable, and damn near terrified in all of the time you’d known him. You’d even felt it when he’d enfolded you into his arms and whispered into your ear that he was due to meet up with his family in the next two days, asking you to come with him. How could you say no to that? You knew of the family’s tragic history and the simmering tensions that still existed between the Shaws who were still alive; Russell had told you everything, even about how his mom had hung him out to dry (though he made excuses for her which made you grind your teeth). And for him to ask you to go, to meet his family, you knew then just how important this was for him. So you went, squeezed his hand in silent support whenever he appeared to need it, and did your best to provide distraction whenever things got a little too tense or heated. Dory didn’t care for you too much; you got the distinct feeling that she wasn’t happy Russell had brought an interloper to a family-only discussion. But Colter…Colter you got along with from the start. 

Colter seemed happier to talk to you than his brother and you could tell that bothered Russell tremendously. He had told you once how much he missed his siblings at times, especially his little brother, and he would never stop hoping to patch things up with them one day. Sure enough, he tried to interject into the conversation a few times with you helping as much as you could, but each time Colter shut him down. It was blatantly obvious that the younger man wanted nothing to do with him and there was definitely some resentment still floating around after years of estrangement. Needless to say, things hadn’t ended well at that dinner and you weren’t surprised that Russell drank a little heavier that night. Nor were you surprised when he grasped at you in the hotel room and pulled you to him, his lips claiming yours as he began unbuttoning your shirt and moving you towards the bed. You knew he was hurting and you let him take solace in you as you whispered loving assurances in his ear. 

After that, Colter surprised you by calling you a couple of months down the road, apologetically asking for your help on a case he had picked up. Though he didn’t know you well, he was in a rough spot and needed a helping hand, particularly a Federal one. You saw the opportunity for what it had been, an opening of a possible door between him and Russell, so you took it. You helped Colter as much as you could without risking being read the riot act by your superior, and you two got to know each other better as you worked together. It happened a few more times and you had even called Colter in to assist on a case of your own that you had snagged. You had gone for beers afterwards each time and you’d tried your best to talk to him, to convince him to give Russell a chance. He hadn’t been interested, was resistant to it even, but he liked you and he was starting to trust you a little more each time. He’d even reluctantly admitted once that he was glad his brother had you, immediately following up with “He better be treating you right, though.” You had simply smiled and assured him that Russell very much was. 

You didn’t mention the odd absences a few times a month (sometimes with little to no warning), the radio silence during these stints, and the avoidance of any penetrating questions upon his return — all of it that had become conditional to your relationship by that point. And Russell certainly wasn’t happy at all to find out you’d been working with Colter once you told him. You both had arguments before like any common couple but nothing like this. You had never seen him so angry and he’d laughed when you told him he had no need to be jealous if that was what he was worried about, you loved him and you were trying to make things better for the both of them, to pave the way for him to be able to make peace with his brother. 

“You just don’t get it.” 

He had shaken his head and glared over at you before he walked out of the room, away from you. From then on, Russell became even more secretive, distant, and cold as ice. Gone was the easy affection, heart to heart talks, and playful banter between you. Gone were the tender touches, gentle kisses, and passionate sex. The love of your life turned into a stranger right before your very eyes. It hadn’t been too long after that when he’d left for good, leaving your heart shattered on your hardwood floor. As time passed, you were surprised he hadn’t just packed up and left in the middle of the night while you were sleeping, without a single word to you and completely ghosting you, since he had been intent on leaving you in his past. It might have been kinder actually compared to the things he’d said to you as a final goodbye before walking away for good. 

So whenever you had dared to think back on it over the last few years, you’d always figured the fight over Colter had contributed in some way to the rapid unraveling of your relationship. Well, that fight and…other things.

“Let’s go somewhere we can talk,” Russell urged, breaking you out of your thoughts. “Come on, Y/N, you owe me that at least.”

You turned the most menacing glare on him that was possible for you to give someone. “I don’t owe you shit,” you bit out. How dare he say that? To you of all people?  

His jaw tightened and after a moment, he agreed with a soft nod. “Fair enough.” 

You broke away from his intent gaze a minute later, your decision made as you turned the car on. “You know what? If this will get you out of my life for good this time, then fine. Let’s talk. And don’t be so sure I won’t shoot you afterwards should you continue to piss me off. You’re right, I do care about Colter,” You scowled over at him. “But not that deeply.”

Russell matched your scowl but wisely kept quiet as you backed your car out of your parking spot. You felt an immediate surge of guilt for having said that about his younger brother. You did care about Colter, more than you would ever admit to anyone, even your ex. There was nothing remotely romantic between you two; there never had been and there never would be. But Russell had been right; you were protective of him. Not only because he was a good man but he also reminded you of someone you had lost long ago. You would bend over backwards to keep him safe (as safe as you could given his chosen career), even if it meant putting yourself in harm’s way. He had truly become like a brother to you. 

But you had also meant what you said just now. If Russell continued to irritate you, there was no way he was leaving this time without you putting a bullet in him. Right in his ass before the door could hit it when he turned his back on you for the last time. That or a good old fashioned ass kicking in the form of your right hook. After everything he’d done, he deserved nothing less.  

You pulled up to a local motel that you had booked a room at the last few days, in case you needed to close up shop and haul ass out of town quickly. It wasn’t the same establishment you had gone to the morning of the fire and you still had your place thirty minutes away, but you had learned it was always best to prepare for any eventuality. Especially after a job needing to be done so close to home. You had seen what happened with Doug; who was to say Horizon wouldn’t leave you out to dry, too, should the heat from the fire get a little too close?

You got out and headed over to the door, unlocking it and stepping inside, not looking back to see if Russell was following you. Neither of you had spoken on the ride over (which was probably for the best) and you didn’t glance at him once. Instead, you had done your damndest to tamp down the fury you felt racing through your veins as more and more memories played out in your mind. Now that Russell had a vague idea of the truth of what you had been doing all of this time, everything you had ever wanted to say to him seemed to be trying to rush to the surface as well as all of the pain you had endured.

You slipped your suit jacket off and tossed it onto the bedspread. You heard the door shut behind you and you spun around, seeing Russell’s eyes scanning the room, stopping on the bed, and then lifting to you. You scoffed and unbuttoned the sleeves of your blouse, rolling them up to your forearms. “Not happening so don’t even think about it,” you hissed.

“Wasn’t going there.”

You didn’t believe him. “Right.” You took a seat at the table and impatiently gestured to the seat across from you. “Well?”

He sat down and without missing a beat, dove right in. “How the hell did this even happen, Y/N?”

“Really? That’s what you’re starting out with?”

Russell shot you a look.

You let out an aggravated sigh and sat back in your chair, crossing your legs and getting comfortable. “I was recruited, not too long after you left.”

His jaw dropped. “They approached you?”

Nodding, your jaw tightened thinking back to that time. It wasn’t a memory you liked revisiting. You were at your lowest, Russell having just walked out like the four and a half years you’d spent together hadn’t meant a damn thing to him. He had been it for you. You had put everything you had into the relationship, which proved to be a difficult balancing act sometimes between your career at the Bureau and Russell’s job that he wouldn’t tell you too much about. You both had overcome so much together…all for him to tell you that he simply didn’t love you anymore, give you a shitty apology, and walk right out the door years later. Like you had simply been an amusing distraction, nothing more. Like you had merely been a stopping point in his journey and now he was bored and moving on. The breakup would’ve hurt regardless but the cold detached manner he’d spoken to you with caused more pain than you would have ever been willing to admit. It was a good thing you had already become a Special Agent by then, not stuck to any one location or field office, given how often you were hungover for some weeks there. You had attempted to track him down (which hadn’t been easy) to try to talk to him, to make him see reason; you didn’t believe that he had stopped loving you just like that. But when you had finally located him, he had been holed up in a dingy motel, similar to this one, but he wasn’t alone. That had hurt beyond words and it had taken everything for you not to say anything, not to let him see you, and turn back around, heading home with your tail between your legs and your head hanging in heartbroken defeat. 

None of it made sense to you. How had your life changed so drastically in a single day? Perhaps you had never really known Russell Shaw. Perhaps you only saw what he wanted you to see. But when you replayed the last few weeks of your relationship, even the fight over Colter, something still wasn’t jiving. So you buried yourself in work during the day and as deep into the bottle as you could during the late nights. Until they showed up.

“And you said yes?” He asked in disbelief.

Your eyes flicked to Russell, narrowing. “Why not? You did.”

He pressed his lips together. You had him there and he knew it. “That was different.”

“How?” You snapped. “Exactly how is that different, Russell?”

“I joined them long before you and I met.” Yeah, you knew that now. You knew everything he hadn’t told you the time you’d been together, minus the actual details of the off the books missions he went on. You now knew why Doug had never told Tracy anything either. Not only were they not allowed to, but It was safer that way.

“Well, bully for you, Shaw. You’ve got a few years on me at being a black ops agent and you’ve racked up a few more bodies than I have. Told way more lies, too. Congrats. Do we get you a cake or…?”

He leaned forward, covering your hand with his. “Stop. Just…talk to me,” he pleaded gently.

You hated it when he did that because you hated that it still affected you on some deep level. You rolled your eyes and moved your hand from underneath his, placing it in your lap. “They approached me about six months out from when you left.”

“Who approached you?”

Yeah, you weren’t giving him that. If you did, you knew he’d be on their doorstep in a second and that you couldn’t have. Not after you had just cleaned up the Solano mess and smoothed things over. “Doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me.” You knew that, could see it in his expression, but too bad. You both were in it now, had signed NDA’s, and details like that were meant to stay confidential anyway. 

“Someone did and that’s all you're getting.” You gave him a meaningful look. “Regardless, they offered me a job and I took it.”

You watched as Russell’s features tightened. “And the FBI thing?”

“Still active, though I’m now kept more as an ear to the ground, providing information and cleanup when need be.” You noticed a slight wince cross across his face. “They’re the ones I answer to and they’ve chosen to keep me there for the time being. I’m more effective in that setup.” Those words from your handler still burned you but over time, you had been able to adapt and utilize their refusal to fully bring you in to your advantage.

“And Solano and his men? Were they cleanup?”

You didn’t break away from his penetrating gaze and gave it to him straight. “You and Doug made quite a mess of things. So, yes, I was called in to clean it up.” He briefly closed his eyes in the same pain you had seen earlier, though you couldn’t fathom why. It had been nearly three years since he’d last professed to give a shit about you. Why would this even affect him? “Horizon wanted you kept clean and Doug was on his own. Then you idiotically showed up at Ann’s residence, not only tipping them off to the fact that you were sniffing around where you shouldn’t have been but then you allowed Colter to threaten them. You had to know that was going to ruffle quite a few feathers and put a target on your backs.”

His jaw clenched again and that dark void was back in his gaze. His fingers twitched near his phone and you knew he was itching to call his brother to check on him. “And they sent you to clean that up, too?”

You slowly shook your head. “No.” If they had, you wouldn’t be sitting here right now. Most likely, you’d be dead while Colter and Russell would hopefully be on the run or have gone into hiding. “Only to assess what threats you both posed to the organization.”

“And what was your assessment?” He watched you carefully. In this moment, you weren’t former lovers. You were two people with lethal skills and training, willing to do whatever it took to keep your loved ones safe, even from each other. 

You never broke away from his gaze, watching him back just as carefully. “What do you think?”

He stayed quiet for a moment, looking pensive and most likely turning your words over in his mind. You weren’t going to say it but knowing that gnawing feeling of constantly worrying about someone you cared deeply about, you wanted to make sure you both were on the same page of this topic. “And, Russell, if they had sent me for that, I never would.” His gaze immediately met yours. “Ever,” you promised. 

His eyes roamed over your face, most likely assessing if you were bullshitting him or telling the truth. Obviously having decided on the latter, after a minute or so, he gave you a nod. “How do you know they accepted your assessment, though? There’s no way they don’t know about you and Colter, you and me…”

This time, your jaw was the one clenching. Yeah, you were made aware of that fact when you had been approached for recruitment. That was how they knew about you, your career as a Federal agent, and how you had been involved with Russell once upon a time. When you found out more about Horizon from the inside, it didn’t surprise you one bit how deeply they dove into the background of their candidates or the amount of information they gathered on them. You’d even helped put together a few files yourself, without fully knowing what unit the candidates were being considered for of course. They kept a close watch on their assets and that was putting it lightly. 

So when you got involved with Russell, completely oblivious to what you were really getting into, Horizon had already scoped you out as well as Colter, Dory, their mother, Bobby, Reenie, Teddi, Velma — everyone. Even Colter’s on-again/off-again, Billie, and the mysterious circumstances of the death of the boys’ father. They knew it all. Horizon didn’t like surprises and you supposed you couldn’t blame them considering their line of work, but it also meant that you and everyone you cared about needed to be extra careful. 

It was one of the many reasons you couldn’t completely forgive Russell, though you now understood why he’d walked out when he did. Things had unraveled so badly between you that you’d started quietly digging into Horizon, not trusting what Russell had told you prior. Back then, you thought you’d find only what Russell had claimed: private security, perhaps a couple of Special Ops situations where an American hostage was retrieved in another country, or worse: he was lying to you and having an affair. Now, you knew he had told you the truth — a very scrubbed, limited version of the truth that omitted most of what he really did for the outfit. You remembered what he’d told you about a week and a half before he left. 

“You need to stop digging.” 

You looked upon him with confusion. One minute, you had been having a very tense and silent dinner where you could only hear forks scraping against the plates every so often, and the next, Russell was glaring over at you, speaking cryptically. “What are you talking about?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. You need to stop looking into Horizon and leave it alone. I mean it, Y/N. Let it be.” His eyes bored into you with warning before he got up from the table and took his plate into the kitchen, leaving you to finish your meal alone.    

Normally, you wouldn’t have listened, determined to get to the bottom of Russell’s mysterious employer, but considering how your relationship was hanging by a thread at that point, you did. Despite the warning bells going off in your head, you did as exactly as he said: you let it be. 

You suddenly remembered Russell’s question to you. “You’re still breathing, aren’t you?”

Russell affected a slow nod, thinking it over. “And Colter?”

“I told them he’s no threat,” you murmured. “I talked to him, told him to forget they exist. He agreed as long as you were safe.”

For the first time since this conversation started, you could see Russell start to relax a bit, relief saturating his features. Even a small smile started to light up the tension in his face. While you could understand the feeling, share it even, something about it had you on your feet, walking over to the small refrigerator and pulling out a bottle of water from the six pack you had tossed in there when you booked the room. You held one up in an offer but Russell shook his head. 

“I’m good.”

You shrugged, unsurprised, and twisted off the cap, taking a drink. It made sense that he was still being cautious. Before you knew it, though, he was standing in front of you, that pleading yet determined look in his eyes again. 

“I want to get you out.”

You snorted. “There is no getting out, Russell. Not for me, anyway. Not until they’re done with me.”

He took a step closer and gently took the water bottle from you, placing it on the counter, and grasped your chin, forcing you to look up at him. “There’s always an exit strategy,” he murmured. “I never wanted this for you, Y/N. I only ever wanted to keep you safe. That’s why I left.”

Yeah, you knew that now, too. “I know that now. Why you wouldn’t tell me certain things about your job, but, Jesus, Russell. Did you really think they didn’t already know about me and who I was to you? Colter even? Dory? Your mom?”

He let out a deep sigh and hung his head, letting your chin go. “I know. I… It was a good fit for me at the time, the money was good — that’s why I hooked Doug up with them. But seeing how they hung him out to dry at the first opportunity and now you,” He tenderly ran his thumb along your cheek. “I’m seriously starting to rethink that decision.”

You pulled away from him. “It doesn’t matter. You can’t unring that bell.” You made your way back over to the bed and yanked your duffel bag from underneath it. You unzipped it and began rooting through it to make sure you had everything you needed for a quick getaway. You didn’t think you needed to go anywhere but now this location was blown for you since you had made the decision to let Russell know about it. You had already triple checked your stash when you left it here upon check-in but you needed something to focus on instead of the clear regret in Russell’s face. “And as for me, I made my decision.” You pulled out a gun from a secret compartment, checked the clip to make sure it was full, and slipped it back inside. “I’m good with it. I’ve used it fully to my advantage and I make good money, more than I was ever going to make at the Bureau, even if they fast-tracked me to Deputy Director. Solano was on our Most Wanted List for twenty six days and I took him out in one. Had he possibly gone free, there’s no telling what he would have done, who he would have hurt besides Doug.” You knew exactly what he would have done and who he would have hurt; he’d told you in explicit detail. You didn’t go into it but Russell wasn’t stupid (not when it came to things like this anyway). He most likely knew as well. He’d wanted to close up Solano as a loose end himself after all. “That kind of cleanup I can more than live with.”

Russell carefully approached, his eyes on the second gun you had pulled out and were checking. “I get that and I more than appreciate what you did with Solano. For Doug, for Colter and me.” Once you slipped the weapon back into its pocket, he laid a hand on your shoulder, prompting you to look over at him. “You can’t tell me, though, that this is what you want for your endgame. Not really.”

You shook your head in disbelief. “I don’t have an endgame, Russell. Maybe I did once but you took that the second you walked out the door, acting like everything we’d gone through meant nothing to you, like I meant nothing to you.” 

There was that remorse again and you despised it. “I’m sorry, I…handled that badly,” he admitted.

“Handled it badly?” You laughed in disbelief. You shirked his hand off of you and moved to the night table, yanking the drawer open to rip out the bible sitting in there. You opened it to the area you had cut out to hold emergency cash and cards, just like Russell had taught you once upon a time. “You told me I’d been nothing to you but a fling for the past four years, that you might have loved me once but you didn’t anymore. That I was…how did you put it? A fun distraction.” You slammed the bible shut and tossed it back into the drawer before closing it. You hurried back over to the bag, throwing the funds inside another secret compartment, more than done with this conversation.

“You’re right, I fucked up. I only said those things to—”

“Cut the cord, yeah, I know. Still doesn’t make it right,” you muttered, roughly zipping the duffel back up. 

“I wanted you to be safe. You were digging into them, even after I told you not to! And worse, you were pulling Colter into it!”

That quickly got your attention and you spun on your heel, jabbing a finger in the air at him. “Don’t you fucking dare lay Colter at my feet. Especially after what you just pulled last week. It wasn’t me hauling him into Doug’s case! Not to mention, way before you met me, the minute you took that job, you put everyone you knew on their radar and you know it! So don’t you fucking dare. I have been doing everything I can to make sure Colter is safe and doesn’t pull their attention, poring over every case he takes in the background to ensure they’re not involved or have any vested interests that are. Hell, I even just used a contact of mine to float a case over to Teddi and Velma to get him out of town and far away from here to continue keeping him safe. Me, Russell! Me! And what did you do to keep him safe? You blow back into town and not only put him even more on their radar, you deliver him right to their goddamn doorstep! So don’t you dare even try to put that on me,” you finished in a snarl. 

Shame lurked at the corners of his eyes and you scoffed in disgust, whirling around to grab your jacket from the bed before picking up the duffel bag and slinging the handle over your shoulder. “So glad we had this talk,” you sniped. “Now go have fun with the cheerleading dental hygienist or Reenie,” You could see more shame looking back at you. Unlike the hot tub conquest, Colter had actually told you about that one. You could tell how much it was bothering him and you knew he wouldn’t have mentioned it otherwise, knowing it wasn’t something you really wanted to hear. “Or that bartender you holed up with three weeks after you walked out on me,” Now you could see surprise; you could care less. “Or whoever you want. But me? I’m done. Have a nice life, Russell Shaw, and try not to get killed before you get out to start your little brewery operation. Oh, and try to manage not to get your brother or me killed in the process, yeah? Thanks ever so much. See ya.” 

You were walking towards the door when you were grabbed and whipped around. Before you could react, Russell was on you, his mouth covering yours and his hands gripping your face. “I love you,” he breathed against your lips after breaking away to let you catch your breath. “I’m sorry I said what I did back then but it wasn’t the truth. It took everything I had to walk away but as long as you were safe, that was all that mattered to me. I fucked up and I am sorry. I never stopped loving you, Y/N. Not ever.” 

He wiped at your cheeks and you hadn’t even realized you’d been crying. Shit. Well, that was embarrassing. Even more embarrassing was how much you wanted to believe him. You knew he was telling the truth about why he walked away, how he wanted to keep you safe, but it obviously hadn’t been as difficult for him to move on as it had been for you. “No, you don’t,” you choked out. “If that were true, you would have never walked out that door.” Your voice wobbled on those last few words and you hated it, hated how vulnerable you were being to him right now.

You wiped at your own cheeks and turned around, ignoring the pleading you saw once again in his eyes. 

“Y/N, please,” he ground out.

You kept moving towards the door. As you laid your hand on the door handle to turn it, you were whipped around one more time and he was kissing you yet again, your back pressed up against the wood. Except this time, you finally threw in the towel and gave in to what your damaged heart had been wanting all of this time. You buried your fingers in his hair and kissed him back just as passionately, not caring that more tears rolled down your cheeks as you did. He yanked the duffel bag from you and let it fall into a heap on the floor before lifting you up and turning to carry you over to the bed. You knew this was going to hurt like hell later but you refused to put a stop to it. You’d find a way to numb the pain when it ripped you open a second time, just like you always had. 

The only thought running through your mind as he laid you down and ripped your blouse open, sending buttons flying everywhere, was that you had been right. You knew the bastard had been lying earlier when you’d caught him looking between you and the bed. But right then as he lifted away from you to quickly shed his top layers and then dove back down to kiss you again and melt into you, your fingers greedily relearning every inch of his bare skin, you couldn’t care less.   

You reached your hand over, tenderly running a finger along the edges of the bandage on Russell’s arm. “Does it hurt?” You murmured.

“A little.” He turned his head to smile down at you. “More than worth it, though.”

You rolled your eyes, ignoring his chuckle at you gently pushing his head away, and turned onto your back. Russell embraced you with his other arm, pulling you into him. You rested your ear against his bare chest, hearing his steady heartbeat and settling your gaze on the ceiling above you. He pressed a kiss to your head, letting his lips linger against your hair, as his thumb rubbed your shoulder back and forth.

After a few minutes of content silence between you, you put voice to the question resounding in your mind. “How did we get here, Russell?”

“Well, you drove us over and then we—”

You softly swatted his chest, making him laugh and hearing the sound reverberate underneath your ear. “You know what I mean.”

“I wish I knew the best way to answer that, “ he whispered to you. You could hear the genuine regret in his tone and it made you start thinking about when you both would have to leave this motel room, and go back to the separate lives you had been living. Memories of lazy mornings like this back when you had been together, of you listening to his voice in your ear and knowing you were safe and loved, replayed in your mind on a loop. You would never admit it to him but you missed this, missed him. Nothing had felt right in the last couple of years like this moment here did. If anything, all of that time felt like some weird drug-induced nightmare, and you had just woken up to find Russell here next to you, nothing having changed. But that wasn’t true; everything had changed.

Not wanting to think about that just yet, you picked up the hand that had been caressing your shoulder and studied the skin of his wrist. “This is new.” You trailed your finger along the design of the tattoo sitting there. “What prompted you to get this one?”

“That’s something Doug and I got one night when we met up with another one of the guys from our unit when he was in town. Tommy Laird. Good man.”

“A crown?”

Russell shrugged underneath you. “Tommy picked the design.”

“‘We three kings’, huh?”

You heard him chuckle. “Never thought of it like that but sure.”

“Is he also a part of Horizon?”

You felt him tense underneath you at the mention of the dark and deadly elephant in the room. “No. He, uh, he lives with his wife and three kids in North Carolina. They have a house in Cary and he went back to the family business when he got home.”

You nodded and pulled his wrist to you, placing your lips on his skin and tenderly kissing the middle of the design before letting him go. He hugged you closer to him and placed a kiss to your ear in turn, letting out what sounded like a contented sigh. 

A moment later, he murmured. “I want to help get you out.”

You nearly rolled your eyes again. You wanted to ask him why he was dead set on thinking that you even wanted out. Perhaps the you he had known would want a way out, want something more out of life than money and secrets and cleanups, but you had changed a lot in the last three years. But you knew if you posed that question, it would shatter the cocoon you currently found yourselves in and you weren’t ready for that to end just yet. So instead, you reminded him of another angle of the truth. “That’s not possible. Not the way you’re thinking. You know that.”

“Anything’s possible.” You nearly smiled at his response; there was the stubborn streak that sometimes infuriated you and sometimes endeared you to him, like right now. But you needed to make sure you maintained a reality check for the both of you. You knew what he was really thinking.

“Even if it was, we can’t.”

His head lifted and he frowned down at you. “Why not?”

“This isn’t some Mr. and Mrs. Smith shit. We don’t get a happy ending,” you finished sadly, thinking back to the life you once shared together as you cupped his cheek and rubbed it gently with your thumb. “Not together. It’s too dangerous.” You left it at that but you knew that he was more than aware of what you meant. 

His frown intensified at your words and he covered your hand with his, turning to place a kiss into your palm. “We’ll work it out.”

“Russ,” you sighed.

He gently grasped your chin between his thumb and forefinger, looking into your eyes. “We’ll work it out,” he softly repeated, that glint of determination back in his gaze. 

You decided once more that you wouldn’t bother launching into the many reasons it actually wouldn’t work out and you would refrain from popping that bubble he had just wrapped you both in. That moment would come later. But for now, you continued to keep silent.

When he noticed you weren’t going to say anything, a mischievous smile began to form on that handsome face you loved. “You know, I don’t really have anything planned for today. How about you?”

Other than some paperwork you had to go over later, your day was pretty much free, too. Even if it hadn’t been, you knew that look and after this morning, despite still having some unresolved anger with him, despite things that still needed to be said between you, you would have freed up your schedule immediately. “I don’t think I’ll be missed for a while,” you teased.

He leaned in to kiss you, whispering to your lips, “Oh, you were missed. Very much fucking missed.” The impishness you had heard a moment before was now absent but he never gave you a chance to respond. Instead, he kissed you deeply and began moving to cover your body with his once again. He maneuvered himself in between your thighs, your legs automatically coming up to gently cradle his hips. “Your arm,” you broke away to warn him.

“Don’t care.” He lowered down to keep kissing you and surprisingly (or unsurprisingly perhaps), all was right in the world right then. You didn’t allow yourself to get swept away by it or by the fantasy of something that would never be. Sadly, the time for you and Russell to be together had come and gone. You’d had your chance and you both had blown it, with him starting you out of the gate. This right here, this was all that was left — like embers of a dying fire. You would always love him, you knew that (truthfully, you had always known it), but this was all you would ever have. Once you both walked out that door, you would be walking in separate directions, taking different paths in your lives, no matter what Russell would say. 

But for right now, you allowed yourself to live in the moment, to enjoy it as he groaned into your mouth when your hand helped guide him to where you both wanted him to be. You held onto him as he began a slow movement within you, knowing you would need to take over again very soon when his left arm began to tremble. But until then you kept him close to you, drank deeply of him, and reveled in what the two of you had always managed to create together, content to keep Horizon and the rest of the world on the other side of the motel room door, if only for a moment longer. 

A/N: I know I left some things open and unresolved. I wanted to do that to let this be a gateway to the continuing story in the short series coming titled "Closer". Please let me know if you would like to be tagged in the series.

dividers by @firefly-graphics

[mint-ty]

I just think people judge too goddamn fast nowadays. 🙁 How does it teach a person if we cancel them and won’t let them learn? Since when has hate been a productive way to achieve peace? And how does it make peace in gaza if we hate Käärijä, a totally innocent person, here on the internet, send him thousands of hate mails and cancel him? Our behaviour only polarizes the world more, and yet one more individual is been pushed down and crushed. He needs our support, we live and learn together here as human beings.

good morning anon, how is the hangover?🙂 I hope everyone had a bit of sleep..

I think the judgment came from receiving a punch to the stomach from seeing that video, so it wasn't too sudden, even if we now know Käärijä was set up (I mean, duh). I fully agree that cancelling people is not the way and it does breed hate snowball (sidenote: I'm all for cancelling corporations tho 👍 they can handle.), the reactions I've seen here on Tumblr have been very appropriate and understanding, and majority has been already said, so I want to hug everyone because ugh this will stick and I love you all🫂 I don't use twt but I can only imagine what's there from the comments I've seen on Kä's ig :/

By trying not to get caught in the middle of this esc shitstorm Jere got caught in the worst possible way. So in a way we're all upset because we haven't given up on him. He knows it was a mistake, we know it was a mistake, everyone around him know it was a mistake. He did learn something from the flag incident and it seems have spoken with his team before making any rash decisions. I believe he'll learn a lot from yesterday too.

And anon you touch a really good point - how does it make peace? ESC is a pond and it will be over in few days. War won't. So it's very important to continue with advocacy for palestinians by pressuring politicians and businesses who have actual influence.

This situation also reminds me of family psichology, forgot the term, but it's about how and why your loved one sometimes would lash out or say very hurtful things, when they would never say that to others. And it's because they feel safe to get angry in the presence of you and at you. I think this is very similar and many of us feel like Käärijä, and fans by proxy, is our family and we feel safe to express our hurt and that we will be heard.

But again it's important to remember that here we're all on the same side and if anyone really really wants to send hate mail - well then esc account is much better recipient as an example 💩

[aheathen-conceivably]

By the time the sun had fully risen, Josephine and Zelda were in Violette’s new room helping her to unpack all of her toys and dresses. The room was already outfitted with a small bed, dresser, and a dollhouse that was just like the one Violette had in New Orleans.

Violette was enchanted by it all, but most of all by the ornate Victorian dollhouse. She scurried about the room looking for her favorite dolls to unpack, her olive eyes shining as she tucked each one into the outfitted rooms rather than notice the peeling wallpaper or her aunt’s intermittent bouts of distraction.

Her own trepidations about the move had long been allayed by her mother and aunt’s reassurances that this was a land of magic. The Land of Enchantment, they had told her, the place where all her dreams could come true. How much of their hope and optimism was feigned for her sake as well as their own on that day, she was still too young to decipher.

Outside the window, Antoine was sitting with Gio on a truck that he had bought when he first moved out that way, smoking and watching the occasional Ford pass by the road that ran in front of their farmhouse. 

“So when you said find work, I should have known, I should have asked…stupid. Stupid and hopeful.”

Gio beat a pack of cigarettes between his hands, holding it out to Antoine as he spoke, “Not stupid, old sport. If I’m being honest, I should have spent the extra cents to tell you more, but part of me feared if you knew the whole truth none of you would come. Especially Jo. Just, don’t tell her about any of this, alright? It’s not like I’m trying to trick her or anything, I just know what it’s about to be like in New Orleans. A city full of dock workers with no goods? No jobs to be found and no food to grow? I’m only trying to make sure we’re safe, me and her and all of you. But I fear she won’t see it that way.”

For a moment Antoine’s anger rose for his sister, dragged out here away from her home not only by Giorgio, but by him too. He had seen her hesitation when he had first contacted Gio, but had told himself that they had few other options. Now, knowing that they had to sustain a lie just to keep her here was almost enough to make him turn around and pack his bags.

Then he thought of the way she had reacted when she had seen Giorgio yesterday, and how her own pride trumped even his own. He knew that Gio was right, that there was nothing left for them in New Orleans. But most of all he knew that Josephine would never have accepted his help willingly, and she would see his actions as a way to control her; then she would run, no matter how much she loved him.

But more than anything, Antoine remembered the last time he had left her alone and the means she had resorted to to survive. How could he protect her if she ran, if they had nowhere left to go? He looked toward the house where she was now playing with Violette, together with her family. Happy. Safe.

He quelled the protective anger growing in his chest and looked back at Giorgio, “But what about money, Gio? What about food?”

Gio took a long drag and a sharp intake of breath, “I tried for years old sport, years. I can get it to grow but it always dies before it fruits. I’ve been trading for goods and taking odd jobs, but they’re harder to find every damn day. We need to grow at least enough to eat. Enough to ensure that if the work dries up the land will give us something.”

He stared at his lit cigarette for a while before he threw it onto the ground, the dry sand immediately engulfing the remaining embers, “And if I’m being honest, I’ve got reason to believe the time’s comin’ soon. There’s migrants passing through here, Antoine, makin’ me think it’s about to get a whole lot worse. Okies, they call them. This whole business, it’s turned into a shitstorm. The farm prices tanked only months after I got here and now the land is worth less than I paid for it and the farmhouse combined. I managed to see it coming and take out a loan on it before it got too bad though, enough cash to get us through a few years. But we’ve got to move fast, make sure we’re secured before things really go south.”

Must find work, he had written. Antoine threw his lit cigarette on the ground next to Giorgio’s; now it all made sense. He had brought his family on board a sinking ship.

[rfxiii]

~dm request from @theawfulwriter ~

TW: none

Trevor Philips With A Hyper! Fem S/O:

Trevor also has a ton of energy! It’s the speed, but still. If you’ve got an excess of energy and need an outlet, more often than not, Trevor has the energy to keep up with you.

He can be in a sour mood occasionally depending on what events have occurred, how high/drunk he is, or if he’s coming down from a high. That being said, he may occasionally get snappy with you for your high energy. He’ll apologize once he’s in a better space, but do be careful if you have sensitive feelings. Something that was fun to him yesterday may piss him off today.

He could stay up all night talking to you if you wanted. He goes days without sleeping before passing out for hours. So, if you catch him while he’s still wired he’ll be more than happy to talk, go places, or do silly shit with you.

Channels both his, and your, energy into annoying Michael. He loves watching his face get redder by the second while the two of you talk nonstop, pick on him, or even pull pranks on the poor guy.

Will full on wrestle you if you get hyped up and start messing with him. One second you’re poking him in the side or playfully biting his arm, and the next he’s picked you up, pinned you down, and is aggressively tickling you while you beg for mercy.

Will make nonstop innuendos about putting all your energy into something “more fun”. He’s teasing…only about half the time.

Doesn’t matter how late it is, if you wanna go out and cause havoc then he’s always down. It’s two in the morning and you want to go to the bar- he’s already got his shoes on and his keys ready. He loves your seemingly limitless energy.

~short scenario under read more

“Trev.. Trev.. Trev, baby, sweetheart, T! Pay attention to meee!”

You lay on Trevor’s ratty old couch, kicking your feet in a playful tantrum while you watch him. He’s sitting at the table, cleaning his gun while he watches tv. You know he’s probably tired- he, Michael, and Franklin had a job earlier tonight and he’d mentioned it had been quite the shitstorm. But he’d been gone for a few days, and you’d be lying if you said you hadn’t missed him.

With a groan, Trevor sits aside his gun, giving you a crooked, tired smirk when he tilts his head toward you, “What, angel?” He’s almost never irritated when you demand attention like this. You’d always been hyperactive, from the moment you’d both met. He knew it, and honestly found it beyond adorable- even when he was exhausted.

“It’s nothing.” you giggle, shooting him a wide grin as you try and fail to play coy, “I just missed you!” You push up on your knees, pouting slightly when you hear him chuckle at your expense, “I get sooo bored when you’re gone! It’s awful!”

He pushes to his feet with a groan, crossing the small space and giving you that damn grin that has you scrambling up and into his arms. He lifts you effortlessly, pulling excited giggles past your lips, “Ya really missed me that bad, sugar?”

“Yes! You know I always do!” you huff, clinging to him and grinning brightly.

“Ugh! Alright, alright! I missed you too, ya know! Sooo, What’d’ya wanna do then? Huh? Since you were sooo bored when I left.” He’s teasing you, and it’s obvious. But you love how willing he always is to feed into your excitable nature.

“I dunno, T! I just got bored, then I got lonely. But now you’re back! I just want you to pay attention to me!” Your grin grows wider and you nuzzle into his neck, earning you an amused chuckle.

“Oh, do you? Huh? Ya want attention?!” Trevor grins, his tone growing louder and more animated as he sways playfully with you in his arms.

One second he’s holding you up in his arms, and the next he has you down on the couch tickling you aggressively as you wriggle and squeal at the teasing. “No! Trev, nooo!” you laugh, kicking and flailing while his rough fingers continue their playful assault.

He cackles loudly, finally taking mercy on you as he collapses onto you and gives the cheekiest grin you’ve ever seen, “I missed you too, sugar.” he smiles, his attention fully on you now.

“Good.” you grin, “You better have!”

“Tsk. Love you, angel.” Trevor snorts, shaking his head as he sees the excitable grin growing wider on your lips.

“I love you too, Trev!” you chirp as your thoughts fill with all of the things you could spend the rest of the night doing now that you’ve claimed his coveted attention, “Wanna go to the bar?”

A snicker escapes Trevor’s lips as he hefts you off the couch and over his shoulder, “Now you’re speakin’ my language! Let’s go!”

[autumnshighlady]

All I Gave You Is Gone (ACOTAR x The Silmarillion AU) - Chapter 2

RHYSAND'S SISTER X MAEDHROS

summary:  we're back in Prythian with an Azriel pov as the aftermath of the attack is revealed

warnings: violence, angst

word count: 4k

DO NOT REPOST ANYWHERE

a/n: this is a short chapter, i was going to add a Ravenna pov but given the recent shitstorms in my life I'm just posting what I've had in my drafts. It's not my best but i hope you enjoy nonetheless

Azriel’s shadows were incessant, swirling up his arms and whispering in his ears. Ravenna, they echoed urgently, only for his scarred hand to shoo them away. Annoyance prickled through the shadowsinger as he tried to focus on what Cassian and Rhys were saying. The three of them were lounging in the spacious living room by the fireplace in Rhysand’s family residence in the Hewn City, exhausted after a day of dealing with learning the art of politics. They were on their third bottle of wine, but it did nothing to ease Azriel. For his shadows continued to whisper Ravenna’s name, no matter what he did. They said nothing else, no indicator of what they wanted him to do. Only her name, frantic and insistent.

He cursed under his breath as another shadow flicked his ear, urging him to listen. The shadows had always favoured Ravenna, insisting he go to her after every fight – something which had increased lately. Frustrated, the shadow slithered back down his arm, ducking back behind his hands.

Rhys raised an eyebrow, noticing Azriel’s distraction. “What do they want?” He asked lightly, taking another sip of rich red wine from his goblet.

Azriel sighed, rubbing his face with his scarred hands. “For me to go to Ravenna, I believe.”

“Did you two have another fight?” Cassian asked, kicking his feet up on the opposite end of the sofa he was laying on. 

Azriel kept his tone as neutral as possible. “You could say that, yes.” He found it difficult to talk about his relationship with Ravenna when Rhysand was around. The last thing he wanted to do was put him in an awkward position where he’d have to choose between his sister and his friend. Keeping his life private was something Azriel prided himself on until recently. These last few weeks, it was getting harder and harder.

“What happened?” Rhys asked, concern lacing his voice.

For a moment, Azriel contemplated changing the subject. But his shadows incessantly whispered Ravenna’s name with increased volume. Maybe talking about her would shut them up a bit. “We fought about work for the fifth time this month,” He said, wings slumping slightly in his chair. “She thinks I’m not focused enough on her, and what I am focused on with work is on the wrong things. We argued about Illyria and the Hewn City again.”

“Cauldron above,” Cassian grumbled. “How many times have you had this exact argument?”

“Too many.” Azriel said bitterly, annoyance rising as the memories of yesterday’s argument came rushing back. “Every time I try to explain to her that the High fae are slow to change, the Illyrians even more so, she gets mad and just says we aren’t trying hard enough. That if she were in charge, shit would get done. Doesn’t matter how many times I explain that the Illyrians won’t accept change, she’s too stubborn.”

  “Well, talking down to her certainly won’t help.” Rhys said evenly, sighing. “I told you that only makes her more angry.”

Azriel threw his hands up in exasperation. “I don’t know what to do, Rhys. Nothing I say helps. The more your father makes her go to Illyria and the Hewn City, the angrier she gets that things are still the way they are.”

 Rhys nodded in understanding, his violet eyes sympathetic. “She doesn’t understand that they have to remain that way in order for Velaris to be protected.”

More shadows curled wildly around Azriel, chanting Ravenna over and over again. He swore more loudly this time, shrugging them off angrily. Concern crossed Rhys’s face as he observed their franticness. “I’ve never seen them like this.” He said slowly.

“Neither have I.” Azriel responded, trying to squash the strange uneasiness he felt. His shadows, while having a mind of their own, typically never pushed him like this. And when they were insistent on something, they typically revealed more information than this. But all the shadows did was urgently whisper Ravenna’s name.

“Are you sure everything is ok with her?” Rhys asked.

The shadowsinger shrugged. “I don’t see why it wouldn’t be. She’s probably just angrier than usual because your father made her go to Illyria today with your mother. Pretty bad timing.”

“So are you two even together?” Cassian asked bluntly, heaving himself into an upright position to interrogate his friend. “The last few fights you’ve had, you said things were over. Then you fuck, make up, and get back together the next day. It’s like you’re caught in a fucking time loop. Are you really convinced she’s your mate if this is how things are?”

Azriel shot Cassian a death glare. “Watch it. The bond will snap, I know it. We just… we just need time to get over this rough patch first.”

Rhys and Cassian exchanged a glance, which made Azriel’s skin prickle with anger. Ravenna was his mate, he was sure of it. He loved her, and she loved him. All he could do was wait for the bond to snap into place, and all of this would be forgotten. Luckily, Cassain struck up a conversation about plans to visit the Summer Court in a few weeks, and the subject was changed much to Azriel’s relief.

When Ravenna got back from Illyria, he’d fix things. And all would return to normal.

****************

By the time the sun set, Azriel felt his sanity slipping. The shadows were relentless, their repetition of Ravenna’s name only increasing as the day went by. What little patience he had left was thinning with every snap at the shadows to leave him be. No matter how many times he sent them away, they came back. He lay in his large bed, wings spread out but tense with that unexplained anxiety.

Every creak from the hallway went detected by Azriel, expecting to hear Ravenna’s soft footsteps heading towards his room, ready to talk things over. But they never came, the hollowness in his chest only growing.

The angry things Ravenna said in their fight haunted him, and his own hurtful words he threw back at her plagued his mind, too. It was their ugliest fight by far, and the fact she hadn’t come to him yet made him wonder if things were truly over. 

“Care to explain to me why every time I ask you or my brother to talk to my father about wing-clipping, you run away like a frightened dog?” Ravenna had asked him, sitting on the end of his bed with her arms crossed.

Azriel had rolled his eyes, pulling his sweaty shirt over his head. “I’m not doing this right now.” He had grumbled. His temper was short, having tried to set the mood for a pleasure-filled evening with Ravenna, only for her to stop him and demand he first answer why he had changed the subject earlier when she began discussing her plans to try and get her father to ban wing-clipping in Illyria and help the females in the Hewn City.

Ravenna had only gotten angrier. “Ok, tomorrow then? Or are you going to find some excuse then, too?”

“Heavens above, Ravenna!” Azriel had snapped, running a hand through his hair. It had been a long day, his patience waned thin. “It’s not like anyone’s forcing you to get your wings clipped or marry you off to some scumbag. So why does it matter so much?”

“If I have to explain it to you, then you’re just as dumb as those brutes in Illyria.” Ravenna had snapped. “I want to change things, and you will not stand by my side in it. Why? Do you really care that much about the opinions of people who will hate you regardless?”

Her words had hit their mark, and he flinched. “I know they hate me, I don’t need you reminding me. You know I love you, why do you need my support if you’ve just decided you’re going to do things your own way no matter what I say?”

Ravenna had fixed him with another angry glare, violet eyes stormy. “Because we are supposed to be partners, and you are supposed to back me up on this. Instead, you hide and run away every time I try to stand up for what I believe in because you’re too scared of my father and the people of the court’s opinions.” 

“I am not scared!” Azriel had growled, slamming his drawer so hard that the glass atop the wood came crashing down onto the floor. 

“Yes, you are.” Ravenna had pushed back. “You’re being a coward, Azriel. If my father suddenly ordered I had my wings clipped, you would fight him on it. Why can’t you do the same for the hundreds of females who don’t have a male to advocate for them?”

“Because they’re not you! I care about you, and the rest of Illyria can go to hell. I want to end wing-clipping, I really do. But it’s not possible, not without losing the entire army.”

Ravenna had scoffed. “That’s selfish, Az. I am no better than those other females. The only difference is you’re not fucking them, so they’re not worthy of being advocated for I guess. You can’t just pick and choose which females you want to fight for.”

Azriel had whirled around in shock, fists clenched as Ravenna met his angry gaze. “Is that really what you think? Do you really think that low of me, that I would only support the ban on clipping because I’m sleeping with an Illyrian female?” He demanded before letting out a harsh laugh. “I suppose that’s on track for a spoiled princess like you to look down upon a lowborn bastard like me.”

Ravenna had flinched, and Azriel knew his words had stung. Good. He had wanted them to. “Do NOT turn this into a pity party for your sad, pathetic childhood.” She growled. “Your daddy and brothers hurt you? Boo hoo. Get over it. Females in Illyria and the Hewn City go through exactly what you did, only you’re free of it now and seem to not give a damn about them.”

Azriel had rolled his eyes, a pounding headache coming on. “For the last time, I do care!” He had insisted. “I just don't think it’s possible to create a perfect world where we can properly ban that shit. Why can’t we just move on and let this subject rest?”

“Because we are partners and one’s attitude about such matters shows a lot about who they are.” Ravenna had stood up, glaring at the shadowsinger.

Azriel’s brows had furrowed. “What are you saying?”

The fiery female had lifted her chin to meet his gaze, violet eyes hard as she spoke with a coldness that sent his shadows running. “That I don’t want to waste my time with a coward who will not stand by my side during difficult battles simply because it’s more convenient for him to ignore all of those problems since they don’t directly affect him.”

For the first time in that argument, Azriel had been speechless. His mind had screamed at him, urging him to say something to avoid losing her. But he didn’t. All he could do was stare emptily as Ravenna scoffed, turning on her heel and storming out.

All of those last night talks, the sneaking around the last few years, the relief of finally telling Rhys about their secret… Perhaps it was all for nothing, and the sensation of Ravenna’s soft body curled into his own would grow to become a distant memory.

Azriel shook his head, refusing to believe it. No, this may have been their worst fight yet. But time would pass and it would be forgotten, surely. He would accept no other answer. Ravenna was his reason for existing, no matter what anyone said or thought. 

But that niggling worry remained. Ravenna had been colder lately, more distant. Granted, Azriel was not much better. Their productive conversations had been few and far between, most of their arguments ending in angry sex without any further discussion. It had worked so far, he had thought. Ravenna’s fiery temper thawed the icy wall he built around his rage, letting his usually well kept temper rise and bubble over. She knew just how to push his buttons, where to strike the hardest. 

Just as he did with her.

Guilt plagued him as he remembered the things he said. How the light in her violet eyes went out like someone had splashed water over a raging bonfire. The way her voice turned ice cold as she said she was done with Azriel before she turned away. Fuck, he’d have a lot of apologizing to do.

A faint knock sounded at the door, much to Azriel’s surprise. The shadows hadn’t reported any movement outside, and it was the middle of the night. He practically lept from the bed, flinging open the door to his chamber and expecting to see Ravenna.

Only it was not his lover in the hallway, but rather a sombre looking guard. His expression was grave beneath the metal helm, voice serious as he spoke. “The High Lord requests your presence in his study.” Was all he said before turning away and retreating back down the long corridor.

Confused, Azriel pulled his shirt on and followed, noting how his shadows had gone eerily silent. His meetings with Rhysand’s father were never this late, leaving him to wonder what Ronan was up to. Whatever it was, it couldn’t be good.

The shadowsinger couldn’t sink the cold feeling that washed over him as he entered the High Lord’s study, where Rhys and Ronan already were. The High Lord was still in his regal night robes, his black hair aged with grey strands hanging loosely around his chiselled face, as if he hadn’t even run a hand through it yet. An animalistic rage simmered beneath his black eyes, and his knuckles were clenched as he gripped the back of the chair he stood behind.

Azriel bowed as he entered the room, but Ronan took no notice. He only stared at the desk in front of him, motionless. Shocked, Azriel looked at Rhys, who sat in one of the two chairs on the other side of the desk. Rhys only shrugged, confirming he, too, knew nothing about this late night meeting. Quietly, Azriel took the empty seat.

It felt like an eternity of cold silence before the High Lord finally raised his head, fixing each of them with a hard stare. “What I am about to tell you cannot leave this room, do you understand me?” He said, his voice cutting through the tense air like a curved blade.

“Yes, my Lord.” Azriel said while Rhys nodded in agreement next to him.

Ronan’s black eyes were wild as he fought to calm himself. Azriel tried not to flinch as those hateful eyes landed on him specifically. “Not even your brutish friend finds out until I order it to be so, am I clear, boy?” He seethed. “The only reason you are even here is because this matter concerns my daughter, who you are currently courting.”

Azriel stiffened, his blood running cold. Panic began to rise in his chest, shadows gently stroking the scarred palm of his hand as if to soothe him. But he kept his expression neutral, merely nodding. 

“There was an attack at the war-camp in the Eastern steppes,” The High Lord said through a hoarse voice, as if he had been screaming for hours. He turned to Rhysand. “The one I sent your mother and sister to.”

Beside him, Rhys went pale. It took every ounce of self control not to have Azriel’s expression falter as his heart raced. Blood rang in his ears, and the High Lord’s voice sounded as if he were speaking underwater. “There were no survivors,” He continued gravely. “All I found… all I found was Nienna’s head..”

Time seemed to slow around Azriel, his stomach dropping as if he had fallen a thousand feet. He could feel his blood coursing through his veins. No, he begged the Mother. No, please, don’t say it…

“...And Ravenna’s blood everywhere.”

Azriel barely heard the choked scream that Rhysand emitted from beside him. All he could feel was the world crumbling around him as he strayed out of thought and time. It was as if a roaring sea echoed in his ears, muffling the sound of his High Lord’s voice and his best friend’s sobs. He wanted to go to Rhys, to offer some form of comfort, but he was completely frozen. And he knew if he moved an inch, he would collapse to his knees.

“Did you look for a body?” Azriel’s voice was soft as death, afraid if he spoke any louder it would break entirely.

Enraged, a dark tendril of Ronan’s power lashed out and wrapped around his throat, suffocating him. But he barely felt it, his body numb. “Do you not think that’s what I’ve been doing for the last few hours, you stupid boy?” Ronan hissed furiously, eyes wild and spit flying from his mouth like a rabid dog. “You think I would not search high and low for the body of my mate? And my daughter?”

Azriel welcomed the suffocation for making him feel something other than what he was feeling. This couldn’t be happening, not now. Not after the fight that they had the other morning.

Eventually after a few moments, the dark power retreated. Ronan sank down into his chair, eyes empty with grief. Azriel had never seen the High Lord exhibit any kind of emotion that wasn’t hatred or contempt until now. It was a jarring sight to behold, a chip in the heavy armour that had become a second skin for Ronan. 

Azriel’s chest felt tight, as if a bomb were about to go off inside it and shatter his heart into a thousand pieces. All day, his shadows had whispered Ravenna’s name to him and he had brushed them off with annoyance. Guilt made his stomach churn as he thought of Ravenna, suffering and fighting for her last breaths as he ignored the warnings from his shadows. Somehow, they knew something was wrong. Perhaps if he had listened to them, he’d have been able to stop this somehow. A single tear slid down his cheek, burning hot against his cold skin as the grief began to settle in, the shock fading away.

“How did they find the camp?” Azriel forced himself to ask, though his throat was drier than a desert. Illyria was difficult to navigate for anyone not born there – for a foreign power to attack so precisely was worrying to say the least.

“I have my spies looking into it,” Ronan answered, anger returning to fill the emptiness in his dark eyes. “But they must have been tipped off. There are over a dozen war camps across Illyria, for Hybern to happen across the one with my mate and daughter is no coincidence.”

A shadow gently poked Azriel’s arm, whispering his friend’s name. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Rhysand go pale. He had stopped crying, his eyes wide with horror. Realisation dawned over Azriel, and he forced his face to remain neutral. Rhys had befriended Tamlin of the Spring Court, son of the Spring High Lord – Ronan’s enemy. The two families hated each other, constantly looking for an excuse to break out into war. Azriel had not approved of the strange friendship between the High Lords’ sons, but had never said anything.

But based on Rhys’s expression, he had certainly said something to Tamlin. Something that may have caused this.

Upon seeing his son’s face, Ronan sharply turned his head towards him. Dark eyes narrowed as he spoke with a growl, “If you have something to say, boy, spit it out before I pry it from you myself.”

More tears spilled down Rhys’s face. “I’m sorry…” He sputtered. “I’m so sorry…”

Azriel could barely breathe. His heart stopped as he felt the High Lord’s dark power fill the room as Ronan rose from his chair. His shadows hid themselves as the tension thickened. Ever so slightly, he situated himself ready to leap and help his friend. That is, if he didn’t throw up everywhere first.

“What did you do?” Ronan growled. When Rhys didn’t answer, the High Lord slammed his fist down onto the table so hard the wood splintered, making both Azriel and Rhys flinch. “WHAT. DID. YOU. DO?” He roared furiously. 

Rhys’s voice was barely above a whisper. “I mentioned to Tamlin that my mother and sister would be going to the camp in the Eastern Steppes for a few days. But I swear–”

“You told that Spring Court boy?” There was no mistaking the pure rage that bled from Ronan’s voice as he stormed around the desk, grabbing Rhys by his collar and shaking them. Azriel could not bring himself to move – he had suspected that Rhys may have revealed their location to the enemy, but hearing him admit it out loud was like a tidal wave crashing over him. “You told my enemies where my mate and daughter were going to be? Tamlin must have run straight to his father, who gladly tipped off Hybern.”

“He wouldn’t have told him willingly!” Rhys protested, violet eyes desperate. “Tamlin isn’t like that–”

“Silence! I told you that you were to end your ridiculous friendship with that boy. That he would stab you in the back one day if you did not do so first. He has betrayed you and if you hadn’t told him where Nienna and Ravenna were, they would still be here!”

Anger rose within Azriel. On the one hand, part of him wanted to defend Rhys. To his knowledge, Tamlin had always protested against the brewing feud between the families only to be shut down by his cruel father. But he couldn’t help but feel like strangling Rhys for being so careless.

Rhys only stared at his father, body limp with no resistance to the rough treatment. “I’m so sorry…” Was all he could say, over and over again.

Eventually, Ronan released his son, and Rhys slumped against the back of his chair. The High Lord stared at him with hatred. “The only reason I am not ending your pathetic life right here is because you are my only heir.” He hissed. “When we get back, you will be paying for this mistake, believe me.”

“Where are we going?” Rhys asked as Ronan snapped his fingers, their night robes quickly transforming into battle gear.

 “To the Spring Court. We are going to teach that family a lesson, and you are going to help me. I want every member of that family dead by morning.” 

Azriel’s heart dropped. Rhys blanched even further, looking at Azriel for support. But he could not meet his eyes. A thousand different emotions ran through him – guilt for not listening to his shadows earlier, anger at Rhys for giving away such sensitive information to someone from the enemy’s side, and regret at the way he spoke to Ravenna during their last conversation. It was all too much, threatening to boil over if he saw even one second of the apologetic glance from his friend. Stiffening his shoulders, Azriel took a breath. He had to keep it together in the presence of the High Lord. 

Ronan stormed past him, a mighty sword in hand. Rhys followed him, and the door slammed behind him on the way out. Finally, Azriel was left alone. He winnowed to the cliffs upon the tops of the mountains surrounding Velaris, letting his shadows swallow him whole and remove him from the room where he received the most devastating news of his life.

The biting, icy chill of the wind was welcome as the shadowsinger emerged on top of the distant cliffs, where he sank to his knees on the cold rock and fell apart, letting out a hoarse scream towards the glowing stars above.

taglist (comment if you want to be added): @decadentpostnacho @lizurich @throneofsapphics @

[nictelsm]

Opera GX gets bullied into making a trollsona

Yesterday, Pyrocynical tweeted by confirming his homosexuality. OperaGX (probably run by a zoomer who's had way too much time on Discord with his shitposting buddies) comes in to reply with "Huge if true."

Suddenly the user TransKarkat, who has been doing this for a while before, asks OperaGX for a trollsona.

OperaGX finally creates the trollsona, and so, a shitstorm was unleashed on Twitter. Everyone made art out of the trollsona, porn was made, people asked for its name, everyone tweeted around (I tried to join in but Twitter's current ownership makes it completely impossible to let everyone see my stupid posts there), an evilparodystuck account was made out of the character, and it was yet another one of these batshit Twitter moments that made us ask, "What in the merciful fuck is going on with the internet these days?"

You simply cannot fight, ignore, or cure the Homestuck. It's still around today, so beware.

[stormblessed95]

https://twitter.com/Jimin95themoon1/status/1621616058418200576?s=20&t=xAoITSGIwQJbSL8ykSMtjw

don't you think this whole thing is takem out of context ? I was so happy when I saw the moment but it seems like it's nothing when watching the whole thing's translation. JK didn't even knew Jimin's group chat name, because he THOUGHT it was Yoongi who told him not to drink on live but turned out it was JM. Jimin himself admitted it, that it was HIM who told JK not to drink on live. Why would he not know his supposed bf's name in their group Chat ? And why would suga says not to do drunk vlive when he is doing a drinking show? It's usually Jimin who says not to do drunk vlives. And the way he told 'bam 😭😭😭😭' like it's been ages since he saw them. Someone told it looks like JK also didn't saw JM for ages now from the way he wished him good health.

Also his face lit up when he saw an artist's comment which is highlighted. It was after he scrolled down he found it was Jimin and he greeted him. I dont think this moment is anything special other than JM suddenly being intrested in him and spamming non stop after yesterday shitstorm tkk brought to Jimin's part of the Fandom.

Sigh.

Jimin: aww cute puppy 😭😭

like anyone who sees a dog acting cute/existing. Even with our own dogs. He literally just said Bam and crying emojis.

This translates to him not seeing Bam in a long time, how? And define long time? Because you send me a photo of my dog and/or my kids or even my husband after I've been away from them for half a day and I'm like "wahhhh I love you guys. So cute."

Also Jimin: lmao don't do a live if you are drinking!!

This translates to him being the one who messaged the GC about JK doing drinking lives? When it's been a company "rule" about no drinking on vlive since forever even if they all break it sometimes? Again, how? JK didn't recongize/remember the nickname on the GC right away and thinks it's probably Yoongi hyung. Just because Jimin later popped up, saw him drinking and jokingly scolded him the same way doesn't necessarily mean it was him doing the group chat scolding.

You exposed yourself for being on the anti side of Twitter with your ending comments of how he "wished him good health" like he hasn't seen him in forever. Jikook literally flirt (and you can take this word in a romantic or platonic way, whichever floats your boat, it works both ways) with each other by speaking overly formally. Did you miss all the drops in honorifics and casual conversation that happened in between all that? JK telling Jimin to stay in good health is the equivalent of me telling my partner to be safe and vice versa when we go out places.

JK was happy to see a member comment and was happy to see it was Jimin and then spent the whole live asking and wanting Jimin to still be there. Leave him the fuck alone and let him (and us) be happy over his happiness.

Jimin didn't admit shit to anything you are claiming. Stop twisting his words. Grow up and read real translations. Or if you DID read real translations. Work on your reading comprehension skills. I have some websites we use to practice with my kids at home I can recommend if you want.

Won't be answering bullshit like this again. You got me once with my general desire to debate and correct idiocy! *shakes fist* you won't get me again!

[shitswiftiessay]

twitter swifties desperately WANT taylor to bully olivia

so it’s day 2 of the shitstorm after this godforsaken interview which i talked about yesterday

and swifties are once again accusing olivia of name dropping taylor for clout (even though she didn’t name drop taylor but they dgaf about facts), accusing her of copying taylor, accusing olivia of PLANTING STORIES about taylor being a villain, saying she only became a star because of taylor, saying taylor needs to sue olivia for 100% of the royalties from deja vu and use her power to blackball olivia from the music industry, and saying that olivia needs to k*ll herself.

[bearboiferer69]

Fishing fanatic

My father is a fishing fanatic. Half of the flat is littered with fucking fishing rods, it's horrible. Roughly once a month someone steps in a hook lying on the ground and have to go to the hospital cuz they're barbed at the end. In my 22 years of life I had this procedure done 10 times. A week ago I went to get some random checkup done and when the receptionist saw me she immediately told me to take my shoe off cuz she tought that it's the hook again.

The second half of the flat is fucking packed with Polish Fisherman, World of the Fisherman, Super Carp etc (polish fishing newspapers). Every week my father drives to every kiosk in the town to get every single weekly fishing paper. I was foolish enough to teach him how to use the internet cuz I tought that we would save some money on these papers, but now not only he buys them, he sits on old fishing forums and spins shitstorms with other fishermen over the best bait etc. He can scream into the monitor or throw the fucking keyboard out the window. One time he made me mad so I made an account on that forum and I started trolling him writing in his threads some random bullshit like "Carps eat shit". Mom wasn't cooking hunter's stew fast enough for him to calm down. Oh, and on that forum he has the CATFISH rank, for making 10k fucking posts.

When it's warm he fucks off to fish every weekend. For 5 years, every fucking sunday, I eat fish for dinner and my father yaps about how beneficial eating these watery fucks is. When I got into college my father kept saying that it's because of these fucking fish, cuz they have phosphorus in them and my brain works better.

Every week he and his friend Mirek wake up the whole family at 4 AM cuz they make a ruckus packing fishing rods, making sandwiches etc.

While eating he always talks about motherfucking fish and everytime the topic eventually comes to the Polish Fishing Association, dad keeps getting more and more mad and gets unreasonably angry "hurr durr they don't put enough fish they only steal hurr durr", he gets all mad with all of this and gets up from the table cursing, and goes to read the Big Encyclopedia of River Fish to calm himself down.

This year on Christmas he bought himself a pontoon. Of course he couldn't last until the 24th so he unpacked it yesterday and inflated it in the living room. He dressed up in that whole fishing outfit and sat in it the whole day, in the middle of the flat. He ate dinner (carp) in it too.

If they let me near every fish in Poland at the length of an arm I would fucking kill them all.

Some time ago, in primary or middle school, on my birthday, my father, as a present, took me fishing. Great fucking gift.

We went somewhere way off, far away from the city, we get closer do the lake and my dads eyes are already glistening and he licks his lips in excitement. He unpacked all the gear and we sit at the water and look at the bobbers. After five minutes I got bored so I turned on my discman and my dad fucking bashed me on the head with a fishing rod, because "the fish can hear the music from my headphones and are scared". When I wanted to scratch my ass he started screaming in whispers for me to stop moving cuz the fish can see me move from the water and are running away. I had to sit in complete silence and no movement for 6 fucking hours and look at the water like in some fucking Guantanamo. My birthday's in November so on top of all of that it was cold like a motherfucker. At some point dad got up, walked a couple meters into the forest and farted. He explained to me that you need to fart in the forest cuz otherwise the fish can hear and smell.

I mentioned that my dad has his friend, Mirek, whom he goes fishing with. Some time ago his fishing buddy was Zbyszek. A man the shape of a ball with a mustache, wearing a BOMBER vest 365 days of the year. They were like brothers, him and dad, he would come with his wife Betty to us on Christmas etc. One time on my dad's birthday Zbyszek came over to hehe "drink". They got piss drunk and, of course, talked about fishing all the time. I was sitting in my room. At some point they started fucking screaming over which is better, catfish or pike.

-DON'T FUCKING PISS ME OFF ZBYCHU, HAVE YOU SEEN THE TEETH OF A PIKE?! CHOMP, ARM GONE!

-FUCK OFF TED, CATFISH IN POLAND WEIGHT 80 KILO, YOUR PIKE CAN SUCK THEIR DICK.

-WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, TALKING ABOUT CATFISH, WHEN YOU CAN BARELY PULL A BLEAK OUT OF THE WATER. THE PIKE IS THE KING OF THE WATER, LIKE THE LION IS KING OF THE JUNGLE!

And it ended with them wrestling on the living room carpet and me and mom had to separate them. From that point onward they lost contact. Last year Betty called to let us know he passed away and that she's inviting us to the funeral. Mom picked up, said her condolences, put the phone down and tells about it to dad, and he replies:

-That's fucking fantastic

That's how much he hated him over that catfish.

I also mentioned my father's archnemesis, that being the Polish Fishing Association. It became his utter obsession and when, for example, they talk about some earthquake on tv, he always says how they should say something about those motherfuckers from the PFA. He stopped reading non-fishing newspapers too because he got mad that they're not writing about polish fishing or any PFA affairs.

The head of the local PFA branch is mr. Adam. For my dad, he's the epitome of evil done to all polish bodies of water by the Association and father had a war with him for several years. One time he went on some fishermen meeting where mr. Adam was and father came back home with a ripped shirt cuz they had to remove him with force, that's how much of a problem he was causing.

After loosing in hand-to-hand combat with the private militia of the PFA dad started a partisan movement online by insulting the PFA and Adam on the forums of local newspapers. He was spewing some bullshit like how Adam was a secret UB agent (communist group, kinda like the FBI), or how he saw him scratching someone's car with a nail on the street etc. I didn't teach my father how to use TOR so cops were called and father had to pay Adam 2000PLN.

When he was paying that he was unbearable for a week, father kept insulting the corrupted courts, the PFA, Adam and the whole world in general. I could deduce from his ramblings that the PFA are some kind of fucking masonry that rules the whole country, pulls the strings and has their people everywhere. He counted that 2000 in fishing rods, hooks or boats and got an absolute headache over , for example, how much vanilla bait he count buy for those 2k (a couple hundred kilo).

Last year father said that we absolutely need to have a fishing boat because apparently renting is too expensive and everyone wants to scam him.

"sonny, on the water is where the real ones fish! That's where the element's at! (it makes no sense in original text either)"

But he couldn't afford it nor did he have a place to store it and he wasn't some hehe loser, so he wasn't gonna pay someone for keeping it, and so he met some local fishermen, they bought a boat together, it's gonna stay at some dude's place, because he has a house and not a flat like us, on the driveway on this guy's trailer and they were to share the boat or fish together.

At first this cooperation went well but one weekend father got sick and couldn't go with them and had a temper tantrum over this. To top it all off, his friends called him to say that fish are catching like crazy so my dad was just lying there, crimson red from anger on the couch and kept panting like an animal. The worst part was that he had no one to blame, like he usually does. Finally he came to the conclusion that it's unfair that they're fishing without him because they bough the boat together and saturday evening, when these dudes came back from their trip, he suddenly left the home.

He comes back an hour later and tells me to help him with something in front of the block. I go outside and I see our car with the trailer and boat. I asked him where did he get it from and he replied that he fucking stole it from that dude's house because they scammed him and told me to grab the boat and bring it into the flat. My explanations that it's gonna take all the space in the living room were fruitless. Luckily the boat couldn't even fit through the door to the staircase so dad decided to just leave it in front of the house.

Using some chains that he found on the boat and my bike lock he chained it to a lamp post and satisfied with his work he wants to go back to the flat when suddenly 2 cars roll up, with co-owners of the boat inside, because they put 2 and 2 together and realized where their property might've gone. An unreal fight started, co-owners are screaming why did he steal the boat and to give it back, father's screaming that they scammed him and he payed 500 PLN and didn't even swim this weekend. I tried to calm them down so that dad wouldn't get beat up because it was really close.

After several minutes the situation was as follows:

-My father lying on the ground, clutching the trailer and screaming that he won't give it back

-Co-owners screaming that he has to give it back

-One co-owner has a broken nose because he tried to pull father away from the boat by the leg, and he got kicked with the other

-Two officers are pulling father by the legs and saying that he's going to the station cuz he beat someone

-Neighbors are watching from every single window around

-My mom is crying and begging father to leave the boat and the policemen not to arrest him

-Me sadfrog.psd

Finally cops ripped dad away from the boat. I gave the co-owners the bike lock code and they took the boat, throwing 500PLN at dad and saying that he no longer has any right to the boat and it's better for him not to meet them on any fishing trip. Mom managed to convince the cops not to arrest dad. The dude with the broken nose said that he's not wasting his fucking time walking to police stations and that he doesn't care, he just doesn't want to see father ever again.

Dad to this day is spinning shitstorms on fishing forums because they made a thread there where they warned everyone about making any deals with my father. I was following that thread and watched as my father ineptly made troll accounts.

Steven54

Posts made: 1

This thread was made by morons! I know user anons_dad for a long time and he's a great dude and an incredible fisherman! They want to slander him because they're jealous of his catches!

Later he would use these troll accounts to stalk his old boat buddies. When one of them made a thread he would fucking burst in on that account and say that he catches shit fish and everyone can see that he can't fish.

From the same accounts he would post replies to his own posts

"well catch! I see you're an experienced hunter!"

and then he would get all happy and force me and mom watch how they cherish his presence on these forums.

[sapphire-weapon]

Worst Aeon take that I've seen was someone insisting that the jet ski part of trailer proves that she must've brought it along to island in an elaborate plan specifically to save Leon. As if she's a fortune teller who must've known he'd be there, knew exactly how the entire mission would turn out, knew that he'd turn down the helicopter ride and that he'd need to quickly save Ashley from the explosion before she arrived. Did this person even play the god damn game or know anything about Ada at all?

I'm so scared that when they realise SW has seized the opportunity to actually make her a character and give her an entire story that isn't about running around in the shadows saving him, there'll be so much uproar that Capcom won't continue on the current path. It's irrational, but god DAMN these people are so fuckin loud that I'm terrified they'll ruin the experience for fans who actually like her and enjoy the new timeline.

in their defense

that's literally what happened in OG's Separate Ways.

OG's SW reveals that Ada planned everything in RE4 -- even down to the point of somehow making sure that Leon would be the agent assigned to this mission in the first place. because OG's SW was fucking garbage. and that's also why Aeon stans are so obsessed with the idea that Ada left a little love note for Leon in the bear keychain, since it has that zipper in the back -- because it's not implausible, because she knew all along that she was going to toss him that key eventually.

but if it helps at all

the average dev cycle for an RE game these days seems to be about 6 years. whatever follow-up game to RE4make they're making, it's already well in development. DG said to expect the next title in the Remake series no sooner than 2025, but more likely 2026. the backlash to SW would have to be RE6 levels of outrage for Capcom to scrap 3-4 years of development.

and Capcom seems to be acutely aware of the fact that SW is going to cause a shitstorm. I was thinking about this yesterday, actually. it is so beyond bizarre that they sat on the confirmation of SW's existence for literal years, when everyone knew it was going to be a thing that inevitably happened with a remake of Resident Evil 4 -- and not only did they sit on the announcement and refuse to confirm anything, they only gave a seven day window in between announcement and launch.

from a marketing perspective, doing that is making a deliberate choice to hamstring launch-day sales for the sake of withholding information. the sweet spot for this is usually 3-6 months between announcement and launch, because it's enough time for people to talk about it and spread the word but not so much time that people get fatigued/distracted and forget about it. but to keep the game in the conversation, more trailers and gameplay videos and interviews need to be released consistently in that 3-6 month window.

doing it this way means that Capcom consciously chose to deny themselves that crucial window for word of mouth to spread, because they'd rather have a highly curated pre-launch marketing campaign where they only have to show under sixty seconds of story content and never have to talk about it in interviews -- because they don't want people to have enough time and/or information to become suspicious or start speculating about just how drastically the story is going to change, because they know that diehards and purists are going to be fucking angry.

they basically made a calculated decision and came to the conclusion that it was financially in their best interest to try to prevent people who would otherwise normally buy the DLC from deciding they didn't want it, as opposed to trying to spread the word and rope in as many new sales as possible. their goal was to prevent loss, not promote growth.

which is

kinda nuts when you consider what the fucking point of paid DLC is in the first place.

[lindszeppelin]

What a day, what a day, what a day. A few things:

- Regarding the “different sides of the fandom”… today has been quite telling. I’m not always into this fandom war bc it seems fruitless, but I have a thought that’s been sitting with me all day. All of the ones who are concerned on “this side” have been giving nuanced, layered, and observant thoughts and concerns. Maybe we’re wrong on some level (giving space for the idea that we have no idea what really goes on behind closed doors) but we’re trying to use our words and have a dialogue. The “other” side is just excited about any touch between them no matter how small and then calls us haters when we don’t see them as being madly in love. It struck me today that these people clearly have never had a healthy relationship (many have admitted to a difficult romantic past) and a few have never even been in a relationship (also many have admitted that). I’ve always low key saw that but today it became blatantly obvious. The line in the sand isn’t as much if someone likes Kaia or not but underneath it all is what someone’s frame of reference is regarding functional, happy, thriving relationships. I feel kind of bad for the other side bc I was there once too (most of us were) and it’s like being allergic to something and you don’t know even know it until you cut it out of your diet and feel so much better. It’s not a good feeling so I genuinely wish them well and better.

- I’ve appreciated you and all of your anons today. There’s so much going on in the world and not everything is fair, not everything makes sense, and sometimes it’s easy to feel alone in your opinions. Seeing countless anons roll into your account today with (again) ✨thoughtful✨ discourse echoing my exact reactions made me feel sane, at least regarding this topic! Small wins keep us going, right?

- I’m also the anon who a few days back spoke about how the “other side” does face reveals and I’m concerned for them and you gave a very thoughtful response back. A) thank you! B) sorry for the delayed response- I’ve been sick so some days I just had the capacity to only lurk. C) I really hope I didn’t start off the chain reactions of whatever happened yesterday. I’m a little confused on details (no need to further explain by any means) but it sounds like someone from that side was being manipulative and the timing felt sus to me. I had just mentioned Mollie basically semi- doxing herself and suddenly you had anons trying to dox her (or something). So sorry- I know I’m not at fault but as someone behind the screen I feel bad if that helped set off that chain reaction!

- Clearly (and thankfully) you have a group here who supports you and most seem to lead with concern and observational skills, so thanks for providing the space for discourse around this. Hope that counts for something, even on the unhinged days, so please have a lovely day!

hello anon welcome back! first of all right off the bat, no you were not the catalyst for this shitstorm that happened over that anon from the other side with that drama. pot stirrers like that cannon be helped, it was just a troll. but we brought up an excellent point that i hope it being received by everybody. never dox yourself, keep your shit to yourself and off social media platforms like this. but anywho, welcome back and you gives excellent opinions!

to your points:

that is entirely what the other side is about. any little tiny crumb of something that they can tie into their narrative of "he loves her", they will take it and turn and inch into a mile. and they will bully those who disagree into silence and bully us off of the platform. but today has given me so much amazing perspective over the insightful and amazing anons that have expressed their opinions today. it's real and it certainly does not lack depth at all. we go into it. and the other side will never understand what a real, loving relationship is like until they have been in one. so i never take anything they say seriously. it's like a town drunk screaming the world is coming to an end, and you just go about your day lol

today has been crazy. so much went on and i was a bit nervous as to the kind of anons i would get, seeing as how whenever i get an influx of anons like this you just never know what people will be lurking in the shadows. but it was fantastic intelligent dialogue back and forth, and it was painless lol. thank you for adding your 2 cents into the conversation!

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

My Apology.

//If you follow this blog, especially if you’re a follower who was around yesterday, then I ask nicely you take the time to listen to me.

//To get straight to the point, I’m here because I want to apologize.

//For those who are unawares, yesterday, I discovered that Tumblr had made the absolute god awful mistake of forcing me to use their god awful new post editor for asks. Before I went on a three week break, I was allowed to use the legacy editor for my asks, thus I wasn’t weighed down by any of the issues that the new editor brings. I have a long list of problems with it, and depending on how things go, I might make a post tonight about it.

//Me and the new editor don’t get along, and my problems go very deep underwater. Bottom line is I think changing the post editor to what it has now become since the legacy editor, mainly with the uncomfortable UI, different ways of posting images, and of course the image limit, is frankly an idiotic decision that I am furious about.

//And if you were around yesterday you would know that, because I said something really shitty yesterday.

//I still have access to the legacy, unlimited editor for Tumblr in the regular post asks, and I’m hoping it remains that way because, as someone who has been on Tumblr for years now, writing this story that has become a huge part of my life, so I have the right to keep the old editor. But if the people at staff decide to turn around and remove the right to use it from me, blocking me from using Legacy Editor ever again, I threatened that I would never ever use their website again, and Danganronpa Survivor would end before it’s time.

//I ended up saying things like “my days on this platform are numbered” and junk. And I realized almost immediately after I finished answering asks last night that that was REALLY shitty of me.

//It didn’t occur to me just how much some of you love this story and my work. And the fact that I threatened to take that away from you just because of my issues with the new editor was just...straight up wrong of me.

//But it doesn’t end there, because I ended up bringing it to another blog too. You might have seen me ask on main from @a-student-out-of-time what the mods way of bypassing the editor limits was, and then grieve about it over there as well.

//So not only did I kick up a shitstorm, I brought said shitstorm to another blog who had absolutely no reason to be caught up in all of it.

//The good news is that the mods and people over on that server were really supportive. The main mod who runs the blog is a well put-together person and just gave me straight up facts that being defeatist isn’t going to solve anything. On top of that, the askers who know/follow both our blogs recognized that I’ve been through a lot lately, and that these changes don’t help.

//While that is true, that’s not an excuse.

//I don’t know if I ever openly talked about it before, though I don’t really try to hide it, but here’s a fun little fact about me that you might not have known before: I am autistic!

//And unlike some people, that’s never been something I’ve ever had a problem with. I LIKE being different, and I like having the weird, zany thoughts that I do, because without them, this blog wouldn’t be as special as it is to me or to you guys. But GOD it’s a pain in the ass to function as a normal human being sometimes and deal with my problems on my own.

//Sometimes I feel like I have a brain that’s two or three years younger than my body, and I’m prone to throwing temper tantrums and getting angry when things don’t go my way. And when I saw just how nervous and upset some of you were when I said the blog would be shutting down, it made me realize that, as always, I overreacted.

//And I hate that I acted like that. So I’m sorry to those people, I’m sorry to everyone in the ask box who follows me, and I’m sorry to ASooT’s audience too for dragging you into this.

//Maybe this apology is a little overblown and excessive for what it is; it’s not like I’ve killed a person or anything, but I still probably hurt a lot of people’s feelings and upset them, and I need to make it clear that I am remorseful for that.

//So let me make it clear now that DR Survivor IS NOT ENDING. I will do my absolute damndest to power throw the shitty editor, and if what I fear will happen happens, then I’ll figure something out. Either I’ll work around it, find someone who can bring the old editor back, or my safest bet - switching to an entirely new website. What that website is, I don’t know yet, but I’m preparing to find one just in case.

//However, should all else fail, Tumblr does plan to implement a subscription service that removes the image limit. I am willing to pay for that service to keep the blog running, but that’s not the only thing about the post editor that I dislike, so I don’t know what to do about it. I do have some time to decide though.

//That all being said, one last thing I want to make clear is that even if I wish to apologize for my behavior, that doesn’t mean my feelings towards the new editor have not changed. So if Tumblr staff by any chance are reading this post, I want to say this:

//I know you don’t care how any of us feel, and I know you still plan to “develop” your new editor more, but as I said in a previous post, you fucked up massively. Even if you want to develop the editor further, if the final product keeps the changes you’ve already made to it, then congrats. You’ve officially ruined your entire website FOREVER.

//And if I’m being honest, with the way I’ve seen the people in charge act about it; and not to point fingers and spout bullshit or anything, but...it seems to me like you KNOW your changes don’t benefit anyone, and for some reason, don’t actually seem to CARE?

//Maybe I’m wrong, but if I am, I really want to be proven wrong.

//Anyway, enough of that. I’ve said what I’ve needed to say and will finish off by just apologizing one more time. I am still going to write this story, even if it becomes all the more painful for me to do so.

//And in case this post hasn’t made it obvious, your support GREATLY matters to me. I write this blog, but you guys run it, and without you, I wouldn’t be here. So I will do whatever it takes to make sure you keep your content. And that this story continues for a while to come.

-Mod

[thewildsideseries]

Chapter 12 - [ AO3 | FFN ]

“We’ll be fine,” Stiles insisted. “Gerard doesn’t know what we know.” “Yeah, but he knows that I know.” That brought our group to a dead halt. Stiles’s jaw had dropped, and Scott rounded on me in a panic. “What do you mean he knows you know?! He knows you know what?! Since when?!” “Look, it was always a possibility,” I reminded them shakily. “Kate knew that I knew too—about werewolves, about both betas. And since she apparently talked to her dad about me, it’s safe to say he knows that much. He has to suspect you two are involved somehow.” “How long have you known this?” Scott demanded. “I didn’t, I…he…he called me out yesterday. We stopped at Allison’s before the rink.” This seemed to make the situation much, much worse. “Sadie!” Stiles grabbed his head in distress, eyes wide. “What the fuck?” “And you didn’t think to say anything about this?!” Scott hissed. “Anything at all, yesterday or—or this morning, or—” “Sadie, if he knows that you know, then he—" “I know, Stiles! I know! He’s watching everyone I hang out with, and my head is back on the chopping block. He made that very clear, thank you. So excuse me for taking one day to escape the shitstorm that is my life!”

[heatwayve]

NAOMI: CASA AMOR DAY 4

what are you most looking forward to about reuniting with the other villa? what are you dreading the most?

“ i know it’s going to be hard to see dylan again. clearly a lot of things have changed since we saw each other last. so, that’s going to be a really hard conversation. it’s been easy to try to assume i know where his head is at, since i feel like i know him, but at the end of the day – i don’t know. maybe i don’t really know at all, ” she frowns. “ but i literally can’t wait to catch up with marcus. i hadn’t realized how much i talked to him every day i was in here until he wasn’t in here. it’s probably been good for us to get some space after what happened and we can get right back to our usual bullshit. i have so much to tell him, ” naomi smiles fondly. “ and, yeah, i know, ” she rolls her eyes, a deadpan look at the camera, “ josh. ” she leans back, “ at this point, i don’t even know whether to be excited or whether to be dreading it. maybe both. definitely both. i’ll figure it out when i see him. ” 

if you were to stick, why would you? why would you consider switching?

“ with everything that’s been going on with me, it’s made the most sense to just . . . keep that to myself, not mix anyone else up in the shitstorm i have to deal with when everyone returns, ” she grimaces. “ the postcard definitely seemed to indicate that i should be exploring other potential, but i started doing that so late that i still don’t really know if there’s anything there. ” 

is there a bombshell that’s at the top of you ‘list’? who would you bring back?

“ charlene’s made a real effort with me since yesterday, which is nice. i’m still figuring out if we’d really click or . . . how genuine it is, honestly, ” this is hilarious when naomi is fake as hell but i digress, “ but maybe i’d know more if i hadn’t spend the past few days closed off while the guys were cracking on, ” she points out. “ just wish i knew how things were going to go tonight, because bringing someone back could be the right choice or it could be a massive mistake. i do like her, and i don’t want to hurt anyone else. ” 

if none of the bombshells could come back, who would you miss most?

“ angel, for sure. i’m feeling pretty good about it, though, because i think callie would be a complete idiot not to bring him back and she totally knows it. ” naomi shrugs, “ but yeah, i’m really glad we became friends. ” and they have such different lives, naomi doesn’t think they’ll ever really get the chance to chill on the outside like they can now. 

what conversations do you need to have most when you reunite?

“ i think everyone’s sick of me talking about josh, but i really need to talk to josh. i don’t even know if he deserves it or if it’s all been total bullshit, but i need to know where his head’s at more than anything – i think it’s been pretty clear that it’s driving me fucking crazy. i can’t stop thinking about the other night. but seeing that photo just gave me this sinking feeling he hasn’t changed, so, ” naomi flashes the camera a tight-lipped smile. “ and i need to talk to dylan. it feels like make or break for us, really, which is hard . . . even before we got together, he always had my back or went out of his way to check on me. he made every day easier for me, and i feel like i’ve just made things harder on him by, well, only communicating half of what i was feeling all the time. ” 

what are you feeling about the decisions of the other islanders? who do you think has made the best connection?

“ i think it’ll be kind of crazy. like, seb and rhys totally want each other, but it could go either way – they seem like the type to friendship couple with the bombshells to ‘give them a chance’ or whatever. either way, i think it’s gonna be a shock for poor bash, ” naomi is curious to see how everyone from the other villa takes it, considering rhys and seb will be totally new to all of them. however, this is the drama that she’s most excited to watch pan out, because she’s pretty confident it’s going to work out for everyone involved anyway. “ i think . . . dante makes romi happy, ” naomi smiles placidly, not offering anything more than that. “ and honestly, jenny and jude seem kind of suited ? except for the fact that she’d fully drop him if josh decided to give her the time of day again, ” she suggests this matter-of-factly, like two plus two equals four. “ and, yeah, like i’ve told callie, i think her and angel seem really good together. he’s so into her, and i think they’re kind of on the same page about everything. i’m just not sure how much frankie coming back is going to shake that up, but . . . i like them. ”