#yes yes maybe it was different iterations of the suit but consider: it would be funnier if...

[teleportationmagic]

Sometimes I wonder just how well Cass's Batgirl suit was made because like. Helena handstitched the thing in the middle of no-man's-land, it got passed to Cassandra for her time as Batgirl, she kept it for a few years before finally passing the thing off to Stephanie. Like. How much combat has that thing seen? It should be more patch then suit at this point. Helena needs to go into design because those are some incredible skills

[ladysqueakinpip]

hi op I hope you don't mind if I hijack your post and add More Thoughts to elaborate (human biologist here, studied cellular anatomy & physiology for years, AND an athlete who loves talking about exercise). please let me infodump at you 👉👈

everything you said is absolutely correct!!

we have 2 main types of muscle fibers (with some in-between types that show characteristics of both): slow-twitch (or slow oxidative) and fast-twitch (or fast-glycolytic)

the main difference between the two is the amount of mitochondria and blood supply. slow-twitch fibers have a lot of mitochondria and blood vessels. the mitochondria keep up with ATP production necessary for endurance activities. the blood vessels supply a steady source of oxygen (hence the name slow-oxidative) for aerobic respiration, the type of cellular respiration that creates the most amount of ATP and fuels endurance exercise. fast-twitch fibers are larger and rely on anaerobic respiration for fuel.

a few other things were revealed to us regarding their physical strengths/weaknesses i want to point out.

mikey: i headcanon mikey has an even mix of slow/fast-twitch muscle fibers (or the combination type which has traits of both) due to this exchange in the episode you got served:

mikey is high energy and a cardio machine. we see him easily take leo on this race to run of the mill! the fact that leo already looks fatigued implies they've been at it for a while, but mikey's not letting up anytime soon.

donnie: thank you SO MUCH for pointing out that donnie is slightly bigger/more defined than leo. the difference is subtle, but it's there. if I have to hear one more person say donnie is physically the weakest turtle because of this scene 👇 I'm going to lose my mind.

im not even sure why they included this bit other than for hahas. maybe those 2 yokai just have. an incredibly high mass/density that putting their arms on the table is enough to hold it down. its the only explanation that makes sense.

donnie fights with a bo staff, a weapon made for reach, great for keeping your opponent just out of range to lay a hand on you. in this iteration, it's not just a wooden stick, it's a metal rod equipped with other built-in techie features. it cannot be light. i'm sure donnie has engineered it to make it as easy as possible to handle, but i'm assuming the thing is 10lbs minimum.

have you ever tried to hold a out 10lb weight as far from your body as possible? not easy. it requires a lot of core and upper body strength. in addition, donnie does all the running and fighting that his brothers do, with the added weight of his battle shell. again, we don't know how heavy it is, but considering it has a built-in jet pack, i think it's safe to say it's probably a bonus 30-50lbs. he's essentially fighting with a 50lb backpack. again, not easy. to do all this efficiently, donnie's upper body strength is out of the park. arms, back, shoulders, chest, abs, this boy is BUILT. am i saying that donnie has an 8-pack underneath that plastron? that donnie is shredded? yes, yes i am.

second to raph, it makes sense that donnie would be one of the strongest brothers. he has a lot of fast-twitch fibers to keep up with the weight work. even before seeing the movie, i headcanoned endurance-cardio was not his strong suit. he confirmed it himself in the movie. 👇👇

other points/headcanons based on my own exercise experience:

raph is pretty straightforward. easily the strongest. i hc weightlifting is his favorite physical activity, and he loves to be competitive about it.

donnie likes to think he is the most disciplined of his brothers. it's actually raph (weightlifting takes a surprising amount of focus/concentration).

leo's dual swords would require upper body training similar to donnie. a quick google search told me katanas weigh about 2-3lbs each. definitely not as much as donnie's tech bo would weigh, but holding the swords out, swinging, and slicing would still need a good amount of upper body & core strength

because of leo's body type, endurance, and fighting style, i hc he is the most well-rounded/jack-of-all-trades fighter on the team. this combined with his competitive nature would also explain why he managed to win the lair games 5 years in a row.

leo's training routine consists of a mix of cardio (running, jump rope, treadmill) with body-weight or light-weight resistance training.

donnie's training routine consists of mid-to-heavy-weight resistance training mixed with low intensity cardio or yoga for balance, focus, and meditation

mikey's training routine consists mostly of high intensity cardio, especially plyometrics (jumping) and jump rope. if he does weight training, it's usually with his own body weight (pull ups, pushups, handstands, etc.) for the purpose of being able to lift himself up for flips, spins, and kicks. he doesn't plan to have to lift more than his own body weight.

i'm coming at all of this from the perspective of a gym rat, not from the perspective of someone who has taken martial arts! if anyone who has experience with hand-to-hand combat has other thoughts to add, please do. ❤️

One day I'm gonna kiss the character designers for rise of the tmnt.

Yeah shape theory and all that, it's super neat but IT GOES SO MUCH DEEPER.

Since the beginning of tmnt, the turtles have always been hard to distinguish from each other. Especially in the 1987 show, but all the way up to 2007 movie, the one thing the turtles have really had to distinguish themselves is their color of their masks, their weapons, and usually some minor design changes like the letter on their belts, height, and skin tone. But even those have been subtle.

The 2012 series is really the first tmnt iteration to change up the turtles in a significant way. Not only is their skin different shades of green, but their heights are a more significant difference. Donnie towers of the other turtles, and Mikey's height really solidifies him as the youngest brother.

That isn't where the differences end, though. Raph has a crack in his plastron, Mikey has freckles, and Donnie is much lankier and skinny than the others. The main problem with this though, is that they are still fairly subtle. From behind and without their masks on, it's impossible to tell whether its Mikey, Leo, or Raph on screen. Not to mention, Leo is sort of treated as a 'base', and the other three turtles are just alterations made to his design.

Rise, on the other hand, said "hold my beer."

Not only do rise turtles have the different heights, skin tones, and masks, they have different body types.

And not only are these differing body types useful in telling the turtles apart, they have genuine meanings. So I'm gonna infect your brains with my brainrot.

Starting with Mikey.

Mikey has always been the silliest of the group, the party dude, if you will. Rise uses shape theory to give this playful, young vibe to him. Not only are his markings circles, but so is his head and shell. His design is very rounded overall.

The other thing about rise, is that all their fighting types are different. Their weapons influence these styles along with their personality. Mikey's style of fighting is very acrobatic, very showy. He is very in touch with his sense of balance and the space around him.

It can't be a coincidence that Mikey's body type is also very similar to an acrobat or gymnastic athlete. His muscles are small but compact, and rounded like the rest of him. His limbs are small, but clearly strong and well maintained. Acrobats often have these types of hidden muscles, where they almost disappear when not in use because of the function of them. They aren't using the muscles for heavy lifting or grueling tasks. Acrobats use their muscles for balance and manipulating their own body.

Next is Leo. Unlike 2012 where Leo is used as a baseline for the other character designs, he most definitely has his own unique look. Overall, he's very sharp. His crescent moon markings on his face and limbs, his swords, and his overall stylized body shape leans into this pointed, sharp look.

Leo attacks quick in the series. He is often one of the first to strike, and thinks well ahead in battle to preserve his energy. His battle moves tend to also continue throughout the fight with a large blow in the beginning and end, with smaller strikes in between.

Leo is also the leanest of the turtles, with a small waist and the lithest of the turtles' limbs. All of this points his character design towards a long distance runner. They often start and end races with bursts of energy, and then pace themselves throughout the rest of the race. They have to think and consider their speed. Long distance runners also have very lean muscles. It has to do with the actual proteins in the muscle that make them thinner but perfect for pacing and persevering throughout long lengths of time.

Similar to Leo is Donnie. The disaster twins, as the fandom has named them for being the same age, are the most physically similar. They are nearly the same height and, when Donnie had his battle shell on, their shells are very similar in shape. However, they are still very different. Donnie has a rectangular build with his purple pixel-like markings and big ass forehead. Him and Raph also are the only turtles in rise with full head coverings, and they are also both square shaped.

Donnie tends to put all of his energy into one, well timed blow. Usually using his tech to discombobulate the enemy and then backing off quickly. (The only time this doesn't hold true is when he's fighting with April, where it's only the two of them. However, he still does tend to attack and then back away.) His muscles are the second most defined of the turtles, being thick and bigger than both Leo and Mikey.

For this reason, Donnie I believe is built off of a sprinter. A short distance runner. The perfect match to Leo (the twins ever bro)

Sprinters have to save up all of their energy in order to use it all in one short length of time, often just a few seconds. Exactly how Donnie attacks. Sprinters also have much larger, more defined muscles than long distance runners. I think it has something to do with storing energy and oxygen to be used all at once.

Finally, there's Raph. Raph is big and bulky in the show, with the biggest muscles and is *physically the strongest. He lifts giant boulders and can carry all three of his brothers, April, and Splinter with ease. His shape is a square, with his head and chest being large and boxy. His fighting style is the least ninja-y out of the four, being more related to actually just throwing hands with someone. He fights physically and often times without his weapons, preferring to attack with his body. He gets in the enemy's space and uses his larger size to overpower them. His ability to make himself bigger with his mystic powers furthers this idea. He attacks hard and doesn't let up, not allowing his weaknesses to be exploited by keeping the enemy from never getting a hit in.

I believe Raph is based off of a wrestler or boxer. They fight physically and roughly, preferring to never allow their opponent get a hit in if it allows. Their act of defense is also similar, as boxers generally use their weapon as defense instead of offense. (Raph does this in the train battle and the shredder fight pre-karai death.) Even some of Raph's moves are essentially boxing moves. It also makes sense why, in the show, Raph loves wrestling so much. It may not be boxing, but it's a very similar sport.

Boxers also have large, bulky figures similar to Raph. Their entire body is muscular as opposed to just their legs or arms because of how physical their sport is.

*Mikey throws a lot of super heavy stuff like the top of a sky scraper, a loaded cargo ship, and a semi-truck, but he does it with the help of his mystic weapon.

Hahaha I'm so. Normal.

[lettersofabrokenchristian]

The Sun and the Moon

To whom it may concern,

I've been thinking a lot about the moon and the sun, and the relationship between them. If we think along the lines of hierarchy, and what the parameters might look like, the sun is a little bit of a stretch above the moon.

Let me explain.

In terms of sustaining life, the sun comes in first. In terms of providing the best reading light, the sun comes in first. In terms of heating up a cold winter's morning, the sun comes in first. In terms of pin-pointing the progress of the day, the sun comes in first. Why then would we even consider the moon?

The moon has its merits of course. Bringing about tides, indicating the months, lighting up the night sky, and determining the seasons, the moon has its offers.

For one thing, I don't think they can (should) be compared hierarchically. They are different entities with different functions and strong suits that can be utilised.

How then should we understand the relationship between the moon and the sun?

A relationship of intimacy, dependence, and common ground, but different outlooks should maybe be explored.

When we look at the attribute of light, one can admit that both these entities check the box. Delving deeper into that, we see that it's the same light. But different. The sun provides its own light. The moon merely reflects it. There is no light being emitted from the moon that is not dependent on the sun. There is no reading light at midnight if it wasn't for the sun working overtime. There is no way that the moon would be perceived if it did not confess the light of the sun. It sounds like an epic love story as old as time yet.

John 1:1 is maybe one of the most famous iterations of the Creation Narrative (of course found in Genesis). It tells of the beginning, before anything existed. And in that very beginning, there was God, and the Word. And it all existed before the beginning of time. Before man was even waiting in line to be spoken into existence.

Further into the passage, it is revealed that this Word held life for all mankind, and that this life was the light of mankind. Life-sustaining light. That sounds awefully familiar, doesn't it?

Swimming further into the text we read of a man named John. This man was a witness of this light, and in his witness he caries forth the light, bringing an echo of life to those who listen, and those who choose not to hear. He does not however claim any ownership over this light. That sounds familiar as well, eh?

If the relationship between the moon and the sun can be described as intimate, dependent, sharing common ground, but still having different perspectives, then why should our relationship with God look any different?

The Creation, and all its implications, and the Revelation that makes it known to us is one epic love letter that God has given us. We should proclaim that love, and multiply it to those around us, those far from us; we should remind ourselves by reading it over and over again.

I don't know about you, but when I have received something as precious as a love letter, even just a small note saying "I like you, do you like me? Yes or no", I will read that little piece of paper over and over again, just to remind myself of the thrill of when I first read it. When I first received. When I first understood it.

Living a life that testifies that you are loved, and you have a love letter sitting on your end table at home, and that you are counting down the minutes to when you can read it again, is a life worthy of the intimacy shared between the moon and the sun. It's a life worthy of trying so desperately to repay the kindness you have received, by paying it forward. It's a life where you hold the biggest, juiciest secret deep within your heart, and having the permission to share it with anyone willing to hear and discussing it with anyone willing to understand, so that they too can take part in this wonderful love story.

As a witness to the love shared between the sun and the moon when the moon visits during the day, I want to bear witness to the love that is shared when we visit God whenever we can. When we make time to reread that love letter as if it were the very first time. When we make time to rekindle the passion that started it all, and reminisce over even the difficult times. Because that is what makes it all worth it. Knowing that you are enduring the changing of the seasons, the waxing and the waning, the ticking of time with someone who loves you so deeply that the greatest sacrifice wasn't even a choice - that is what the relationship between the moon and the sun is all about. That is what the relationship between you and God is all about.

-Amen.

[John 1:1-18]

[whatudottu]

The Classic Ben 10 series had a lot more mutants and otherwise unexplained creatures and happenings that do not directly relate to aliens, and it’s with that absence thanks to UAF retconning a lot of mutant and magic stuff (as well as not even acknowledging the blatantly weird that just seemed to be so accepted) that I generally prefer OS over most other iterations of Ben 10. It also might be why I actually enjoy what I watched of the reboot, because there’s some stuff in there that is rather unexplained and bizarre.

But I come with this post with an idea, one based in the original series and also inspired by what Kai does in Omniverse much later in the show’s continuity. What if the Ghostfreak arc of Ben 10 was not based entirely on alien monsters?

This thought mainly came from the idea that it’s generally bizarre to have not only an alien mummy - which connects in a different way than most to the ancient alien trope especially around Egypt - AND a Frankenstein’s monster construct, based on a very independent and specific story written by Mary Shelley in what’s considered to be one of - if not THE - first science fiction novel. The concept of a bipedal wolf alien is hardly odd at all, considering the logical steps that one could evolve in such a way aren’t too high for leaps and bounds, but I suppose also a ghost alien may be a little too out of reach, but the twists that are made towards ectonurites in their function and form made me think of a curious idea.

So what if, within the context of OS, that the only aliens of the Anur team were Zs’Skayr himself and the Werewolf/Yenaldooshi, for I find from both the modern idea of the werewolf and the yee naaldlooshi that the name has been derived from, that the entire concept of Ben shifting from boy to lenopan in a weird error of the watch fits the concept of man-wolves and witches turning into animals. For whatever bullshit that happened for Ghostfreak to dip out of the watch, whether it be some shred of ectonurite DNA finally regaining it’s sentience or perhaps something else, anything directly affecting Ben and the Omnitrix in this instance at least should maybe be alien fuckery, and Ben having another Omnitrix glitch out causing the DNA absorption mode to slowly come into affect (maybe from the damage it sustained) would probably lead to a new alien in the selection.

But what of the others? What of thep khufans and transylians? What do I do now with the existence of the mummy and doctor Viktor himself?

Well, we have other main characters don’t we? We can’t have everything be just about Ben, now can we?

Perhaps I’m looking too far into this, but in the debut episode of the mummy in ‘Under Wraps’, Gwen made the attempt to cast her spells from within the containment suit... failing because of the suit. But that brought up the idea that, within this arc, while Ben faces against a lenopan and ultimately gaining a new skill set, that Gwen may find her arc-based rival in the mummy as a being of ancient magic, born of the funerary practice of ancient Egypt so long ago.\

With some searching, the rituals of ancient Egyptian burial - the mummifying of the body, the grave goods to send across to the afterlife, the casting of spells - were believed to be necessary in ensuring immortality after death. Hah, if you think that’s interesting, just wait until I tell you this! It was believed that, if the bodies were mistreated after death, that the buried would rise again and look who we find walking around playing quest finder to a team of monsters.

The fucking mummy, that’s who!

Now we essentially have the ancient body of a disrespected undead, perhaps a mage themself responsible for casting spells of their own for the funerals of others, of someone who probably was only a mere serf who has found themselves back in the world of the living and come face to face with a man made of other men and women staring back with eyes in the wrong colour. Yes I am back on my Frankenstein bullshit, and yes, I’m making Viktor the modern Adam by some modern Frankenstein fanperon who accidentally found themself with another crime to humanity.

And baby, this lad is now Grandpa Max’s rival of the Ghostfreak arc.

Of course, the visual design of Viktor is very much influenced by the modern and more bumbling beast takes on Frankenstein’s monster, but he also appears - at least pre-reveal - to have taken on the interest of the academic that the original Shelley monster had. And also, maybe the uglier and disjointed Viktor looks correlates to how much the disrespected mummy wants to work with him rather than target specific assholes who shat on their grave or whatever happened (US archeologists do it like the British and fucked over another country’s historical grounds and got a mummy sent on their asses?), but regardless of that, I find it interesting that he has that dynamic between monster and man.

His debut episode, he is very much a doctor who has found his way into the graces of NASA, and that alone could very much parallel Max in the perspective of a human reaching their hand out towards the stars. But if the grand Dr Viktor is a being made of the parts of people very much passed, a created life searching for life outside of the planet and between the expanse of space itself, boy howdy the modern Prometheus has gotten futuristic and DAMN if that isn’t interesting you can fuck right off i’m joking i’m joking i just think this is very cool-

It is also in this episode, that Max and Viktor are both of their team’s ticket to get within NASA and - very much for the latter than the former - get their hands on rather limited Earth developed space tech, even if Dr Viktor and the mummy don’t have experience of otherwise. And on that note, for as much as Viktor may be reaching to discover more about the stars above, it is Max who has known and met more aliens than the constructed man learning the theories and building the tech to reach them, the two - in this context - parallels of the scientist seeking to learn and the front-liner on the field getting first hand experience of intergalactic contact.

But all this comes to ahead with whatever the fuck ectonurites and Zs’Skayr are in comparison to team monster, what is he and what fuckery are his people?

Well, Zs’Skayr is integral to Ben as the alien that never felt his own and made his skin - it’s not his it’s not HIS - crawl whenever he had become Ghostfreak. But with his multiple showings within Omniverse, his significance in association with magic began to spawn and thus, Gwen too gets involved with the schemes of Zs’Skayr, not only from just being occasionally possessed that one time. And reversing back to his reintroduction into the series in UAF as a prisoner kept under watch for crimes unknown to us, but perhaps to Mr ‘top of the board’ galactic police Max Tennyson; dealing with the reincarnated DNA of a ruler of a nation and a criminal of interplanetary degree has never been more Plumber business, but with Zs’Skayr directly impacting on the lives and mental states of his grandchildren, it just got personal.

But what the fuck is up with that? How in the world does Zs’Skayr just do that? To essentially spawn copies of himself from shreds of DNA not just from stored data like the Omnitrix, but from the scattered remains of his ash against the brick and mortar of a preppy... high school? Collage? Whatever it was it was some form of clock tower.

Well, my dear friends, ectonurites are just built like that... because of their exposure to Legerdomain.

How I see it, certain locations within the universe have thinner barriers between dimensions (as actual dimensions and not alternate timelines like Dimension 23) and the thinnest between most planes is within the Forge of Creation, worn thin by the powers of celestialsapiens rather than a naturally fragile veil between realities. On Galvan Prime, for example, there was a veil thin enough for the galvans to discover and experiment with, developing the technology responsible for traversal into the Null Void.

For Legerdomain, a few notable planets have a thinner veil between them and the magical dimension, that being Anodyne, Aldabra and now Anur Phaetos (oh look they all start with ‘a’). The presence of Legerdomain in such proximity is equivalent to UV radiation from the sun, and much like the green grass upon our own planet being the colour suited to reject the majority of Sol’s light, beings like anodites and geochelone aerio have adapted to be filled with mana to the point where they’ve become resistant to the effects of it. In fact, because the veil is thinnest across Anodyne, even breaching the two realities and serving as gateways, anodites have completely converted into energy beings built from the mana itself.

In contrast, ectonurites on Anur Phaetos have become the equivalent of orange/red/magenta grass growing on a planet with an Earth like star, adapting to diametrically oppose mana to take in all of the background mana like a sponge. And akin to UV radiation, mana in such intense is very much a radiation of life energy, and for ectonurites to welcome it with open arms with their anti-mana bodies... well.

You might find that they have more life in them for one person to enjoy...

Between being rather adept with magic should they so try to develop the skills for it and being biologically more welcoming to extraneous life force, a lot of their ghostly powers are the result of mana manipulation in quite the opposite application of anodites, and are magically capable of retaining memories and intelligence in strands of DNA instead of being purely centralised in a brain; possessing one primarily for motor manipulation rather than for sentience. And it is with this intense exposure - what is equivalent - to mana radiation, there is no one form an ectonurite is nor is formed to be.

It is an anomaly to regenerate as one was before, being that the power of regeneration from particles is a form of asexual reproduction were the high presence of mana turns the pieces that used to be you into people entirely new, a planet-wide acknowledgement that - at least to them - reincarnation is very real. It is that anomaly that is why Zs’Skayr is so intrigued by the Omnitrix, because inherent as a machine there is no shred of mana within it, regardless of how much life is stored within it’s database.

The appeal of immortality, of existing as a constantly regenerating being through the use of the Omnitrix, is what led his DNA being gathered and stored within the watch. Though rather unfortunate, the Omnitrix did not end up being simply a DNA storing device as it was planned to be, as a very particular warlord interrupted it’s path towards the Omnitrix’s final and true destination.

And that’s a compilation of what I think might be cool if OS kept with the mutants and magic addition with aliens for I guess a rewritten Ghostfreak arc, with some exploration of ectonurite biology for a bonus, perhaps in some way a series of headcanons I can drag to the more canon settings of the Ben 10 series as a whole. I mean, I certainly am proud of that exploration of anti-mana and the fucked up things it can do to a species’ development, but do tell me what you think of that and my other ideas.

I don’t know, this was ultimately rather random and I just thought I’d share it, haha!

[mcmansionhell]

Coronagrifting: A Design Phenomenon

We now interrupt our regularly scheduled content to bring you a critical essay on the design world. I promise you that this will also be funny. 

This morning, the design website Dezeen tweeted a link to one of its articles, depicting a plexiglass coronavirus shield that could be suspended above dining areas, with the caption “Reader comment: ‘Dezeen, please stop promoting this stupidity.’”

This, of course, filled many design people, including myself, with a kind of malicious glee. The tweet seemed to show that the website’s editorial (or at least social media) staff retained within themselves a scintilla of self-awareness regarding the spread a new kind of virus in its own right: cheap mockups of COVID-related design “solutions” filling the endlessly scrollable feeds of PR-beholden design websites such as Dezeen, ArchDaily, and designboom. I call this phenomenon: Coronagrifting. 

I’ll go into detail about what I mean by this, but first, I would like to presenet some (highly condensed) history. 

From Paper Architecture to PR-chitecture

Back in the headier days of architecture in the 1960s and 70s, a number of architectural avant gardes (such as Superstudio and Archizoom in Italy and Archigram in the UK) ceased producing, well, buildings, in favor of what critics came to regard as “paper architecture.” This “paper architecture” included everything from sprawling diagrams of megastructures, including cities that “walked” or “never stopped” - to playfully erotic collages involving Chicago’s Marina City. Occasionally, these theoretical and aesthetic explorations were accompanied by real-world productions of “anti-design” furniture that may or may not have involved foam fingers. 

Archigram’s Walking City (1964). Source.

Paper architecture, of course, still exists, but its original radical, critical, playful, (and, yes, even erotic) elements were shed when the last of the ultra-modernists were swallowed up by the emerging aesthetic hegemony of Postmodernism (which was much less invested in theoretical and aesthetic futurism) in the early 1980s. What remained were merely images, the production and consumption of which has only increased as the design world shifted away from print and towards the rapidly produced, easily digestible content of the internet and social media. 

Architect Bjarke Ingels’s “Oceanix” - a mockup of an ecomodernist, luxury city designed in response to rising sea levels from climate change. The city will never be built, and its critical interrogation amounts only to “city with solar panels that floats bc climate change is Serious”  - but it did get Ingels and his firm, BIG, a TED talk and circulation on all of the hottest blogs and websites. Meanwhile, Ingels has been in business talks with the right-wing climate change denialist president of Brazil, Jair Bolsonaro. (Image via designboom) 

Design websites are increasingly dominated by text and mockups from the desks of a firm’s public relations departments, facilitating a transition from the paper-architecture-imaginary to what I have begun calling “PR-chitecture.” In short, PR-chitecture is architecture and design content that has been dreamed up from scratch to look good on instagram feeds or, more simply, for clicks.  It is only within this substance-less, critically lapsed media landscape that Coronagrifting can prosper.

Coronagrifting: An Evolution

As of this writing, the two greatest offenders of Coronagrifting are Dezeen, which has devoted an entire section of its website to the virus (itself offering twelve pages of content since February alone) and designboom, whose coronavirus tag contains no fewer than 159 articles. 

Certainly, a small handful of these stories demonstrate useful solutions to COVID-related problems (such as this one from designboom about a student who created a mask prototype that would allow D/deaf and hard of hearing people to read lips) most of the prototypes and the articles about them are, for a lack of a better word, insipid. 

But where, you may ask, did it all start?

One of the easiest (and, therefore, one of the earliest) Coronagrifts involves “new innovative, health-centric designs tackling problems at the intersection of wearables and personal mobility,” which is PR-chitecture speak for “body shields and masks.” 

Wearables and Post-ables

The first example came from Chinese architect Sun Dayong, back at the end of February 2020, when the virus was still isolated in China. Dayong submitted to Dezeen a prototype of a full mask and body-shield that “would protect a wearer during a coronavirus outbreak by using UV light to sterilise itself.” The project was titled “Be a Bat Man.” No, I am not making this up. 

Screenshot of Dayong’s “Be a Batman” as seen on the Dezeen website. 

Soon after, every artist, architect, designer, and sharp-eyed PR rep at firms and companies only tangentially related to design realized that, with the small investment of a Photoshop mockup and some B-minus marketing text, they too could end up on the front page of these websites boasting a large social media following and an air of legitimacy in the field. 

By April, companies like Apple and Nike were promising the use of existing facilities for producing or supplying an arms race’s worth of slick-tech face coverings. Starchitecture’s perennial PR-churners like Foster + Partners and Bjarke Ingels were repping “3D-printed face shields”, while other, lesser firms promised wearable vaporware like “grapheme filters,” branded “skincare LED masks for encouraging self-development” and “solar powered bubble shields.” 

While the mask Coronagrift continues to this day, the Coronagrifting phenomenon had, by early March, moved to other domains of design. 

Consider the barrage of asinine PR fluff that is the “Public Service Announcement” and by Public Service Announcement, I mean “A Designer Has Done Something Cute to Capitalize on Information Meant to Save Lives.” 

Some of the earliest offenders include cutesy posters featuring flags in the shape of houses, ostensibly encouraging people to “stay home;” a designer building a pyramid out of pillows ostensibly encouraging people to “stay home”; and Banksy making “lockdown artwork” that involved covering his bathroom in images of rats ostensibly encouraging people to “stay home.” 

Lol. Screenshot from Dezeen. 

You may be asking, “What’s the harm in all this, really, if it projects a good message?” And the answer is that people are plenty well encouraged to stay home due to the rampant spread of a deadly virus at the urging of the world’s health authorities, and that these tone-deaf art world creeps are using such a crisis for shameless self promotion and the generation of clicks and income, while providing little to no material benefit to those at risk and on the frontlines.

Of course, like the mask coronagrift, the Public Service Announcement coronagrift continues to this very day. 

The final iteration of Post-able and Wearable Coronagrifting genres are what I call “Passive Aggressive Social Distancing Initiatives” or PASDIs. Many of the first PASDIs were themselves PSAs and art grifts, my favorite of which being the designboom post titled “social distancing applied to iconic album covers like the beatle’s abbey road.” As you can see, we’re dealing with extremely deep stuff here. 

However, an even earlier and, in many ways more prescient and lucrative grift involves “social distancing wearables.” This can easily be summarized by the first example of this phenomenon, published March 19th, 2020 on designboom: 

Never wasting a single moment to capitalize on collective despair, all manner of brands have seized on the social distancing wearable trend, which, again, can best be seen in the last example of the phenomenon, published May 22nd, 2020 on designboom:

We truly, truly live in Hell. 

Which brings us, of course, to living. 

“Architectural Interventions” for a “Post-COVID World”

As soon as it became clear around late March and early April that the coronavirus (and its implications) would be sticking around longer than a few months, the architectural solutions to the problem came pouring in. These, like the virus itself, started at the scale of the individual and have since grown to the scale of the city. (Whether or not they will soon encompass the entire world remains to be seen.) 

The architectural Coronagrift began with accessories (like the designboom article about 3D-printed door-openers that enable one to open a door with one’s elbow, and the Dezeen article about a different 3D-printed door-opener that enables one to open a door with one’s elbow) which, in turn, evolved into “work from home” furniture (”Stykka designs cardboard #StayTheF***Home Desk for people working from home during self-isolation”) which, in turn, evolved into pop-up vaporware architecture for first responders (”opposite office proposes to turn berlin's brandenburg airport into COVID-19 'superhospital'”), which, in turn evolved into proposals for entire buildings (”studio prototype designs prefabricated 'vital house' to combat COVID-19″); which, finally, in turn evolved into “urban solutions” aimed at changing the city itself (a great article summarizing and criticizing said urban solutions was recently written by Curbed’s Alissa Walker).

There is something truly chilling about an architecture firm, in order to profit from attention seized by a global pandemic, logging on to their computers, opening photoshop, and drafting up some lazy, ineffectual, unsanitary mockup featuring figures in hazmat suits carrying a dying patient (macabrely set in an unfinished airport construction site) as a real, tangible solution to the problem of overcrowded hospitals; submitting it to their PR desk for copy, and sending it out to blogs and websites for clicks, knowing full well that the sole purpose of doing so consists of the hope that maybe someone with lots of money looking to commission health-related interiors will remember that one time there was a glossy airport hospital rendering on designboom and hire them. 

Enough, already. 

Frankly, after an endless barrage of cyberpunk mask designs, social distancing burger king crowns, foot-triggered crosswalk beg buttons that completely ignore accessibility concerns such as those of wheelchair users, cutesy “stay home uwu” projects from well-to-do art celebrities (who are certainly not suffering too greatly from the economic ramifications of this pandemic), I, like the reader featured in the Dezeen Tweet at the beginning of this post, have simply had enough of this bullshit. 

What’s most astounding to me about all of this (but especially about #brand crap like the burger king crowns) is that it is taken completely seriously by design establishments that, despite being under the purview of PR firms, should frankly know better. I’m sure that Bjarke Ingels and Burger King aren’t nearly as affected by the pandemic as those who have lost money, jobs, stability, homes, and even their lives at the hands of COVID-19 and the criminally inept national and international response to it. On the other hand, I’m sure that architects and designers are hard up for cash at a time when nobody is building and buying anything, and, as a result, many see resulting to PR-chitecture as one of the only solutions to financial problems. 

However, I’m also extremely sure that there are interventions that can be made at the social, political, and organizational level, such as campaigning for paid sick leave, organizing against layoffs and for decent severance or an expansion of public assistance, or generally fighting the rapidly accelerating encroachment of work into all aspects of everyday life – that would bring much more good and, dare I say, progress into the world than a cardboard desk captioned with the hashtag #StaytheF***Home. 

Hence, I’ve spent most of my Saturday penning this article on my blog, McMansion Hell. I’ve chosen to run this here because I myself have lost work as a freelance writer, and the gutting of publications down to a handful of editors means that, were I to publish this story on another platform, it would have resulted in at least a few more weeks worth of inflatable, wearable, plexiglass-laden Coronagrifting, something my sanity simply can no longer withstand. 

So please, Dezeen, designboom, others – I love that you keep daily tabs on what architects and designers are up to, a resource myself and other critics and design writers find invaluable – however, I am begging, begging you to start having some discretion with regards to the proposals submitted to you as “news” or “solutions” by brands and firms, and the cynical, ulterior motives behind them. If you’re looking for a guide on how to screen such content, please scroll up to the beginning of this page. 

----

If you enjoyed this article, please consider subscribing to my Patreon, as I didn’t get paid to write it.  

[smolcinnamonchipmunk]

Freddy in all the different iterations of FNAF.

I'm getting cringe flashbacks from when I was in high school considering I actually used to RP F.NAF vore stuff. Buckle up everyone, here we go, it might be a long one. (I'm also disconnecting the whole child souls in the suits because 1. Fucking weird in the first place and 2. I think people have kind of just given the animatronics their own personalities anyways. Also kind of makes everyone wanting Glamrock Freddy as their father figure a bit weirder too.)

FNAF 1: Here the game was a perfect horror setting, complete with animatronics that smelled like rotting bodies, which I'm absolutely factoring in. I'm also gonna include Golden Freddy in this because they are also technically a Freddy. Either way, smelling like rotting corpses and presumably being disgustingly uncared for leaves these two at a 2/10, no thank you. Maybe after a week in a fucking cleaning station, which would bring them up to 5/10 or 6/10.

FNAF 2: Got two of these brown fucks to look at. Toy Freddy gives me Chucky vibes for some reason, so that's a hard pass with a 1/10. Busted Freddy and Golden Freddy in this one??? Eh, I'm not gonna be as harsh as the first game, but I don't like the squareness of their lower jaws for some reason. Either way, 4/10 in the hopes that they don't smell quite as rotten.

FNAF 3: I don't think I'm going to count this??? Since they're all hallucinations and stuff. 0/10, lol

FNAF 4: Look, I know I said I love sharp teeth and stuff, but the designs literally feel like they're from a twelve year olds edgy fanfic (trust me, I know). The cringe for the FNAF 4 designs is too much for me personally, 1/10, you'd literally just end up like shredded cheese.

Sister Location: I... I honestly don't really like this game?? I don't remember much of it, but I remember very much not liking the faceplates that separated from each other and stuff. If it served a function, cool, but to me it just gave the animatronics more edgy syndrome. Also, Funtime Freddy looks like he'd kill my parents and not care, so 2/10.

Security Breach: Yes, I'm skipping FNAF World and stuff, but eh. Now, Glamrock Freddy? Absolute bean, a madlad, a soft boi. Despite knowing that he would try to protect me, I want to protect him, he is too nice. But, I could absolutely see protective vore (I mean, it's kind of canon anyways), and I feel like he'd be a doting pred. 8/10, would want to be protected.

[cloverfics]

birthday wishes ; keigo takami

warnings reader’s birthday, club setting, implied drinking, slight swearing, and flirty!hawks

genre modern au, suggestive ( ig )

word count 1.5k

inspiration my ✨ imagination ✨

synopsis with it being your birthday, you’re aware of the gifts you’ll get. but the last thing you expect is for a generous, handsome man to make your night

You blew out your candles as your friends hit the last notes to your happy birthday song. They cheered, a few taking pictures while the others had their flash right in your face for video memory.

“Our girl’s finally 21! How’s it feel, ___?” Your friend closest to you, Jasmine, nudged your shoulder.

You hummed. Taking the candles out of your cake. “I don’t feel any different. Just can say I drink at the legal age, I guess.” You sneered, garnering a slap on the shoulder from Jasmine.

Spending your 21st at a high priced club was certainly not your idea. You would’ve settled for shots and cake at your apartment but your friends shot down that idea before you could even finish. Settling for your local ( and go to ) bar was something you also would’ve been down to do. But, of course, they insisted you all needed to be at the best in your city for your birthday.

You appreciated it. Especially since they all collectively covered the table. But the lights and music were starting to get to you. You had done your fair share of dancing, fair share of drinking, fair share of talking. Now, you just wanted to go home and sleep off that drinking portion of the night.

“Don’t tell me you getting tired,” On the opposite side of the table, your other friend deadpanned. Having the rest follow with a chorus of complaints and whines.

You held your hands up in defense. “My head is spinning and I want to be in my warm bed. Is that too much to ask for?”

Another friend countered. “Yes when I spent my whole paycheck to cover part of the table, hoe.” You snorted at her response.

“Fine. I just need something to get me back into...” You were saying as you brought your glass of water to your lips. But as your gaze drifted acrossing the seating area, your eyes locked with a pair of hazel ones. Hazel eyes that belonged to a very handsome man. And for some reason that handsome man was staring at you.

If your glass had been any closer you’re sure you would’ve choked. But you just placed it down and quickly averted your view to your friend group.

“Are you alright?” Jasmine cocked an eyebrow at your sudden flustered appearance.

“Hot guy at 3 o’clock.” Your whispered through teeth. Jasmine eyes circled into saucers as she tried her best to be discreet.

“Oh blondie. He’s hot. He’s been watching you like a hawk ever since we got our table though.” She admitted nonchalantly before taking a sip from your drink.

Your jaw fell ajar. “And you didn’t care to tell me!” You whisper-shouted.

“I’m just suprised you haven’t noticed.” Jasmine laughed. You shook your head. Your curiousity took over you and you let your eyes flicker back to his table. Your chest fell in relief seeing as he was making conversation with a waiter.

But your anxiety levels rose again when said waiter was beelining for your table right after talking to hazel. The waiter had caught your whole table’s attention.

“Is something wrong?” One of your friends immediately inquired.

“Ah! No, Mister Keigo would like to know if he could take over the bill of this party.” You physically paused, along with your friends.

“Who?” The waiter answered your friend’s question with a point of his pen to where hazel or better yet, Mister Keigo, was seated in mid coversation with one of his tablemates.

You gulped. “He insisted?”

“Yes ma’am.”

Before you could refuse the offer, Jasmine cut in. “Tell him thank you!” Your eyes widened but none of your other friends seemed to argue.

“But—” her hand slapped over your mouth.

“Thank you.” She iterated.

The waiter nodded and made his way back towards Mister Keigo’s table. Your table sat in shock, similar looks on their faces.

“A hot guy paying for your table bill? He wants you.” Your friend opposite from you proclaimed. This time you actually choked. Your hand smacked Jasmine’s hand away from you.

“He does not!”

“He so does.” They all mused.

You scoffed, a slight pout on your face. “I feel bad.”

“Here you go,” Jasmine rolled her eyes. “Just accept the sweet offer, ___.”

“I am, but I feel like I need to thank him.” You glanced over to his table to where he was obviously signing something from the waiter. Most likely your bill.

Jasmine smacked her hand on your shoulder. “Then do that. While you’re at it see if he’ll take you home, I bet he wants some birthday cake if you catch my drift...”

Your friends laughed as you glared at Jasmine. “I will only be saying thank you then taking my leave.” You peeled her hand from your shoulder, shuffling from your seat at the booth.

“Don’t act like you don’t want him!” She called while you were already a couple feet from the table.

You didn’t, right? You tried to convince yourself that. You weren’t the type to do hook ups or sleep with strangers. But with every step you took closer to the V.I.P section, the pit in your stomach dug deeper. You knew his eyes were following you. It sent chills down your spine. But you continued to stride to the velvet rope and buffed security guy who held said rope.

“And you are?” He asked.

You stammered, opening your mouth while no words came from it. Your hope of thanking him started to slip but then a voice cut in.

“She’s with me, Vince.” You both simultaneously looked over to who it came from. And lo and behold, Mister Keigo in all his glory saving your ass from being booted from his section.

“You sure, Mister Keigo?” He strode over, clad in a sleek black suit, his sharp honey eyes fixated on your figure. You looked away, you barely knew him and he already had an effect on you.

“Now why would I ever lie, Vince?” His voice fit him so well. His tone that toed into teasing territory nearly made you shudder.

“Alright, lady.” You pursed your lips as the velvet rope was opened for you. Taking the opportunity to step past it and land in front of Mister Keigo.

Your eyes still fought for whether you should try to hold eye contact with him or just stare at the floor.

“Looking for me?” He asked. You squeezed your eyes shut, starting to heat up in embarrassment when you simply nodded.

His laughter is what had your eyes flicker up to meet his for the third time tonight. He basically towered you, he was intimidating. But something about him also made it clear that he was chill.

Maybe it was the way he spoke. Or just how you got a slither of the way he carries himself.

“Well?” He lifted an eyebrow, a smirk etched on his face.

“I-I just wanted to thank you for paying the bill, Mister-”

“Ah,” he interrupted you. “Call me Keigo, I don’t mind.”

“Really?” You thought back to what the waiter and security guard referred to him as.

He nodded, his blonde locks shifting a bit. “Completely fine with me.”

“Oh, okay. Well, I just wanted to thank you. There was no need, I appreciate it.” You finally got what you wanted to say out. Internally sighing in relief and victory.

Keigo smiled. “No problem. Just consider it a birthday gift from me, yea?”

“Ye-yea, of course.” You nodded. You didn’t know what to say. Here you were, talking to one of the prettiest guys you’ve ever seen, who had pay for your bill like it was nothing.

“No problem...” Keigo titled his head as he trailed off.

“Oh! It’s ___, call me ___.”

“___.” He hummed. “What a pretty name. It fits you perfectly, in my opinion.” The way he lifted his eyebrow nearly made your knees buckle underneath you.

“Ah, thank you. But are you sure there’s no way I can repay you?” It was out of your control how your tone automatically borderlined on lustful. His presence made you feel hot. And his mesmerizing gaze didn’t help.

Keigo smiled devilishly, leaning forward a bit, a few inches from your face. “Is there anything you had in mind, Miss ___?”

Your breath got caught in your throat. You could practically hear your friends squealing from the other side of the room.

“It would be up to you to pick wouldn’t it?” You tried to best to match his energy. But he was so smooth. Keigo laughed, it was deeper this time while there was this particular glint in his eyes.

“Is that so?” Having no rebuttle, you nodded again. Silently letting him win.

Keigo stood upstraight again. “Here,” he took a napkin from a nearby table. Quickly asking to borrow a pen from a passing waiter.

“We can discuss it over the phone, if that’s fine with you?”

Your eyes followed as he wrote his digits down, his name in nice print right above it. “Yea. That’s fine.” You answered like you were in some trance.

“Great. I’ll be looking forward to it.” He handed you the napkin. You took that as your signal to head back to your section.

“I’ll make sure not to lose this then...” You smiled, walking away slowly but surely. With another one of his entrancing smirks, you turned around. Releasing a deep sigh before reaching Vince. But before you could exit through that velvet rope.

Keigo’s voice hit your ears again.

“Oh! And happy birthday.”

[crusherthedoctor]

Can we have some unpopular Sonic opinions?

I tried to cram in a lot, so I hope this satisfies you. :P I tried to stick to the ones that I haven't brought up quite as often, since by this point, we all know that I think IDW's storytelling is dire, SA2's story is overrated, X Eggman is an embarrassing portrayal (at least from season 2 onwards), Blaze shouldn't be handcuffed to Silver, Shadow's backstory had issues with or without the Black Arms, Neo Metal Sonic looks silly, etc. But anyway, here we go:

- Knuckles may be tricky to incorporate into plots that don't relate to Angel Island, but making him obsessed with his duties is no better than having him forget about Angel Island entirely.

- I like Marine, and never found her annoying. Oh, I understood what they were trying to do with her, but I honestly wasn't put off by her, and found her Aussie lingo more endearing if anything. Since her debut was during the period in my life where where I couldn't stand Sonic himself, I instead thought he was irritating (and hypocritical) for getting annoyed with her for doing shit he would often be guilty of.

- Silver is just as guilty of being shoehorned into games and plots as the Deadly Six are. Having more fans than the latter is irrelevant, since we're still talking about a character who constantly has to time travel in order to be present.

- Speaking of Silver, if he has to stick around, please do something different with him. They've pulled the doomed future routine multiple times now, and it's been boring every single time. I wasn't interested when it involved Iblis. I wasn't interested when it involved Knuckles drinking the edgy Kool Aid. I wasn't interested when it involved a council of dumbasses... give it a rest already.

- The Tails Doll can work as a mildly creepy thing, with maybe more to it than meets the eye when it's time for a boss fight or what have you. But the memes about him stealing your soul are just dumb, and I thought it was dumb even back in my teenage youth.

- “Eggman is supposed to be clownish!” Yeah, well he's also meant to be a genuine villain with a 300 IQ. These qualities don't have to be mutually exclusive.

- “Sonic is supposed to have attitude!” Yeah, well that's not the same thing as being an absolute cunt. Sonic was only ever meant to come off as having an edge compared to Mario. He was never meant to be a GTA-tier protagonist.

- Rouge is not a villain, and never was a villain. Literally the whole point of her role in SA2 was to reveal that she was working against Eggman and Shadow the whole time, albeit using sneakier tactics to do so. You'd think all those people who exult SA2's story would remember this, but apparently not. She barely even qualifies as an anti-hero, since aside from stealing the Master Emerald, she rarely does anything morally questionable otherwise. She's got a lot more good in her than people give her credit for.

- Captain Whisker is a better Eggman Nega than the actual Eggman Nega. And as far as robot characters in this franchise go, Johnny's design is pretty underrated.

- I don't like Iblis or Mephiles, but I DO like Solaris, and it annoys me that it was out of focus for most of the story due to all the time spent on its less interesting halves. Had they kept the backstory with the Duke and his experiments, and worked from there, I think they could have provided an interesting contrast with Chaos (since Solaris can also qualify as a monster with a sympathetic backstory) instead of recycling the surface level schtick.

- Black Doom may technically be just as bad as Mephiles, Nega, Scourge, Mimic, etc, since he's yet another villain with one-note characterization and fucked over Eggman. But because he never gained a disproportionate fandom, he doesn't annoy me to the same extent. It's easier to ignore him by comparison, and his Dr. Claw voice and face shaped like a lady's delicate part make him enjoyable to mock.

- Likewise, while Lyric is also on the same level as these other villains, it's easier to dismiss him because I was never invested in the Boom games anyway, and being an obvious alternate universe (compared to Sonic X or IDW, which retain the Modern designs and plot elements), it never had an effect on the main series. I also unironically like his design, and if nothing else, at least this snake didn't start a hypnotism fetish across the internet.

- Sally - and the rest of the Freedom Fighters for that matter - have had their importance in the franchise severely inflated. They may have been lucky to be the face of popular media (SatAM and Archie), but they're not these magnificent entities that the game characters are but a speck of dust in comparison to. Having a “legacy” doesn't make them more entitled to shit than any other character, old or new.

- Conceptually, the treasure hunting gameplay is one of the better alternate gameplay styles IMO. But it was let down in SA2 by its one track minded radar (the levels may have been big, but I don't think that would have been an issue on its own if the radar was better). If they brought it back and made it more like SA1's treasure hunting, I'd be all for it, although it would probably be better suited for a spinoff title.

- This goes for a lot of games, but when it comes to 2D, I prefer sprites over models. Not that the Rush models are bad (though the ones in Chronicles sure as fuck are), but the sprites in Mania and the Advance trilogy are just so charming and full of character.

- I actually like Marble Zone. Yeah, the level design is a bit blocky, but I love the concept of an underground temple prison, mixed with lava elements in a zone that otherwise isn't a traditional volcano level.

- I also like Sandopolis Zone. Again, completely understand why it's not the most popular zone around, but I've been a sucker for the Ancient Egyptian aesthetic since childhood (you can thank Crash 3 for that), and Act 1 is visually stunning.

- I prefer the JP soundtrack for Sonic CD over the US version overall... but I also prefer Sonic Boom over You Can Do Anything.

- SA2's soundtrack isn't bad by any means - I love Rouge's tracks, and The Last Scene is one of my favourite pieces of music - but as far as variety goes, it's a step down from SA1's soundtrack.

- If Sonic X-Treme had been released, it probably would have been unenjoyable and confusing. Whatever your thoughts on SA1, it was probably the better option between the two as far as Sonic's first legitimate translation into 3D goes.

- I have no qualms with Modern Sonic and the other Modern designs and characters, but I also fully acknowledge that changing gears from Adventure onwards - and doing it with a great amount of fanfare - was always going to create one of the biggest divides in the fandom, and fans shouldn't act surprised that this happened. The fact that they felt the need to hype up a new design and direction in the first place (compared to Mario, who has mostly been the same since the beginning, with only the occasional minor change with little fanfare) also indicates that they weren't confident enough in Sonic and his universe being the way it was, which often gets ignored by all the “SEGA have no confidence!!!” complaints you see with their recent games.

- Unleashed did not deserve the incredibly harsh reviews it received back in the day... but it doesn't deserve its current sacred cow status either. It had more effort put into it than '06 to be sure, and I can respect that, but much of it was misguided effort, and even if you like the Werehog, you have to admit that the idea came at the absolute worst time. The intro cutscene may be awesome, as is the Egg Dragoon fight, but 2% doesn't make up the entire game. Chip was also quite annoying, and I wasn't particularly sad when he pressed F in the chat at the end.

- On the other hand, while Colours definitely has its shortcomings, and people have every right to criticse those shortcomings, a lot of its most vocal detractors tend to have a stick up their arse about the game because people actually enjoyed it, and it had a gimmick that people actually liked. Yes, it may have been the first game to have those writers everyone hates, but then SA1 was the first game to give the characters alternate gameplay styles and have other villains upstage Eggman, so...

- Forces is absolutely not on the level of '06. It's nowhere close. A game being flawed does not make it the next '06, clickbait YouTubers. Or should I say, the game they want to retroactively apply '06's reception to, since they've been trying hard to magically retcon '06's own quality...

- To echo @beevean, ALL of the 3D stories have their issues. SA1 is probably the most well-rounded of them on the whole, but even that one isn't perfect.

- To echo another opinion, although I do love SA1, I'm not crazy over the idea of a remake, and would prefer them to just take Sonic's gameplay from SA1 and work from there. Because with a remake, you're stuck in a hard spot: Do you keep it the way it is bar the expected graphical upgrades, and risk accusations of not doing anything to actually improve the experience? Or do you try to address past criticisms, and risk the wrath of the fans who will inevitably go on a #NotMyAdventure crusade about it? What people fail to consider is that the Crash and Spyro remakes were accepted gracefully because their original iterations were still unanimously beloved for the most part, whereas SA1 - and especially SA2 - have always been divisive, and have only gotten moreso over the years.

- People take their preferences for the character's voice actors too seriously. I have my own favourites like anyone else, but I don't make a big deal out of it.

- And with fandom voice actors, they usually focus too much on doing a basic impression of their preferred official voice actor, and not enough on the acting. So you end up getting a lot of fan voices who sound like decent impressions of Ryan Drummond or Jason Griffith on the surface, but they sound utterly empty beyond that impression, because there's no oomph or depth to the actual emotions. They think about the actor rather than the character, when it should really be the other way around.

- The thing with Ian Flynn is that he is capable of telling a decent story, and he can portray some characters well. But he's proven time and time again that everything will go off the rails if he's given too much freedom (ironic, given how quick he is to point the finger at mandates when something goes wrong).

- Ian Flynn and Shiro Maekawa are not the only people in the world who are allowed to write for Sonic. I understand that one should be cautious when seeking out new writing talent, but for all the fandom's accusations of playing it safe, they sure aren't in a rush to experiment outside of their own comfort zone.

- And of course, the big one: You don't fix the franchise's current problems by crawling back to its previous problems. It's much more helpful and constructive to discuss the good and bad alike with each of the games. Less “THIS GOOD, MODERN BAD”, and more “This could work, but maybe without that part...”

[toushindai]

sometimes a fic you’re very proud of gets unceremoniously booted out of canon compliance by something that........ really does not earn the right to evict your fic from canon compliance, and your only recourse is to

Decide that in your own headcanon, what you must begrudgingly call the “canon scene” was merely a dream, and

Remind yourself why you wrote what you wrote.

Anyway I still love “The Diamond” because it does a lot of character work that I really wanted to see done, and although no one asked I’m gonna talk a little bit this is fifteen hundred words long so a lot bit actually about that out of a combination of sincere enthusiasm and very poorly hidden spite.

Within twenty-four hours of completing the Meg route and learning that both relationships were fully above-board, I concluded that Zagreus would want a threesome, and shortly thereafter I concluded that if he got one, it would be a disaster. I’m speaking literally, this is not an exaggeration. Within forty-eight hours I had a rough outline of what would become “The Diamond” written up, and the structure of the encounter is basically what it is in the final draft: Zag suggests it, Meg and Than are less enthused but decide to go along with it, Than is persistently awkward about the experience that Zagreus and Megaera seem to have with navigating each other, though he makes a gallant effort anyway which is interrupted by a reminder that Meg is still there, watching all of this, and the encounter falls apart.

As I began to flesh the idea out, I really became interested in exploring just... a number of different complications, a number of different tensions that to tell the truth I had expected to be present in the relationships based on the antagonism displayed by both Meg and Than early on. It’s clear that, canonically, they sorted out their differences somewhere out of Zag’s sight. And I have no objection to this, really. But “The Diamond” became about forcing the two of them to face their permissiveness towards the other relationship in close quarters, and to experience tension and discomfort that they may have shrugged off originally. They are each different things to Zagreus—this is a canon line, I just wanna emphasize that that’s a canon line, not something I came up with in a dream once—and in “Diamond,” I wanted to bump those two things up against each other and have them clash in ways that were awkward for everyone involved. Not wrong, not even unnavigable in the end, but awkward in a way that should be faced rather than looked away from. Thanatos, not just an uncomfortable outsider to the D/s dynamics that are so natural and inherent to Megaera’s relationship with Zagreus, but also watching the two of them follow familiar steps and feeling inadequate compared to how well they know each other. Megaera deciding that she is best suited to lead the encounter but in the process of giving Than space to play along shunting herself off into a corner, from where she feels awkwardly left out, and in her attempt to reintegrate herself into the scene by trying to take charge as comes naturally to her, shattering the entire encounter. Because the fic was strictly from Thanatos’s POV, I didn’t get to highlight this quite commeasurately to how strongly I felt it, but both Meg and Than saw glimpses of the shape of the other relationship and wondered, is that something Zagreus needs? Is that something he can’t get from me, does that make my relationship with him lesser? I saw a failed threesome as a perfect encounter to force them to have these thoughts.

(The answer to these questions is of course that neither relationship is lesser; they’re just wildly different, and for Zagreus, with his heart so full of love that it constantly overflows, to have both is beneficial to all involved. Maybe more strictly canonical iterations of the characters can understand that more easily, without having to question it. But where’s the fun in that? I want to see them working through it.)

The other big tension I wanted to put these characters through is... eh, it’s a combination of communication and respect issues. Like I’ve said and will keep saying, it’s pretty cute that Meg and Than sorted themselves out, and certainly that’s preferable to either relationship being secret or even just having to clear surprise polyamory with them after the fact, but at the same time... it is a little weird to me that Zagreus was excluded from the conversation. And so “Diamond” became about how Megaera and Thanatos think about Zagreus, and how they need to do better about that. Zagreus thinks, sincerely, that this will be great fun for everyone involved!. Neither Megaera nor Thanatos agrees, but how is Zagreus supposed to know that when they gripe amongst themselves and agree to go along with it? He gives Thanatos really a number of opportunities to back out, but Thanatos just grits his teeth and treats it as here Zag goes, being unreasonable again, and there’s nothing I can do to stop him. Megaera’s attitude is similar. They both fail to show Zagreus the respect of communicating their actual opinions to him. He’s right to be hurt by that, at the end of the main chapter.

And I wanted to show Than and Meg making this mistake, together, because I feel that even canonically, even with both romances complete, both of them take the attitude that they are reasonable and he is unreasonable. Their adherence to the order of the Underworld and the House is something they are doing that is morally good, and his defiance is something that is morally bad, and they’ll both permit it because of his circumstances and because, mortifyingly, they’ve both come to care for him, but even so that is taking the attitude that they are in a position to permit, to allow, and that his actions are the aberrance. And you know what? That’s a shitty attitude to take with anyone, let alone your boyfriend. I wanted them to face this hurting Zag, and moreover making things wildly uncomfortable for them, too—so that they could see the truth of what a negative stance that is, and repent of it. Decide, consciously, to do better.

And then the last thing I wanted to touch on was an idea that, bluntly speaking, Zagreus is better and more practiced at wanting things. Megaera and Thanatos have been living and working for aeons in this environment where what they sincerely want is the last thing they’re able to take into consideration when it comes to what they must do. Zagreus... lives and has worked in this same environment, but because of whatever quirk of personality, he refuses to sublimate himself. Prior to the game, it seems, this mostly took the shape of just not doing what he wasn’t motivated to do; but now, during canon, Zagreus is going after what he wants no matter how many times he fails. No matter how many times his father or the fates themselves tell him no, he is going to keep trying. And I wanted to look at how this is foreign and overwhelming to Meg and Than, how they might even reject it at first because it’s so foreign—but also how they are drawn to it. How it’s something liberating, how they might learn from it and become more fully themselves. More honest, more relaxed, happier. If only they take the step of admitting that they are in the wrong here, and that they’ve been stifling and harming themselves for a long, long time and calling it justified.

(That post about what your favorite Hades ship says about you has my number so thoroughly; why, yes, I am bisexual, and yes, I do live and breathe for repressed characters letting down their guard for exactly one person; and yes, I am a fan of men getting p—wait, that last bit’s not relevant here.)

I’m ready for 1.0, I think. There’s been a lot of post-clear content integrated into the game without the ramifications of a true clear—one that doesn’t involve the storyteller killing you in increasingly aggravated ways, whatever that’s going to look like—actually being incorporated. And I’m hoping a true clear involves a little more tension. Not permanently, not in a way that breaks some of the happy endings that are already in place. But in a way that makes the characters work for them a little more, in transition. Who clings harder to the status quo, which is broken but has been stable? Who fights a little more against the good that Zagreus is doing by pushing back? What prices are paid for breaking things so that they must be rebuilt better? I want to see these tensions. The game starts in an untenable place and asks hard questions, and I hope that the mechanical difficulty of the escape process isn’t considered enough to have earned emotionally easy answers. Because complication is what I’m interested in. Complication, and characters deciding that it’s worth it to put in the effort needed to address that complication. That’s why I wrote “The Diamond” and that’s why I’m proud of it.

[radramblog]

Full-Art Basic Lands

Magic is inherently a game about customizability and aesthetic, and nowhere is this best displayed than in one’s choices for Basic Lands. From longtime players flexing their Beta sets, to the cheeky people running exclusively white-bordered ones, to newbies and people who don’t care as much just grabbing what they can from the nearest land station.

However, a full discussion of basic lands would be highly impractical for this kind of post, seeing as there are 244 different arts for Plains alone, and I only have so much time in a day. However, what I did want to discuss is the different varieties of some of the most coveted basics in Magic- the Full-Arts. There’s a lot more types now than there used to be, so they’re worth discussing at length. Also, they’re freaking cool- expect a fair chunk of gushing in this post.

(Update: I forgot just how many sets had FABLs at this point, so this ends up being a two-parter. The other half’s already written, at least, and it’s probably going up on Thursday seeing as that’s going to be a very fucky day for me. It’s just, like, nobody wants to read 3000 words of this in one sitting, I think.)

Unglued

The first iteration of what could be called full-art lands was in Magic’s first Silver-Bordered parody set, Unglued. Considering what these look like, though, it might not be appropriate to call the Unglued lands full-art, as maybe “alternate border” is a better description. The framing of the art on these cards is, well, frame-like, with a verticality that reminds of a tall window or Egyptian cartouche.

I believe these ones used to be somewhat divisive, and I can see why. As much as the frame is interesting, it is also fairly distracting, and the dull brown of the Land frame doesn’t look particularly great when extended. And while the taller frame well suits the art for most of the cards, the Plains looks a little weird next to the very tall trees and forbidding rock faces of the other four arts. Interestingly, the Plains is also the cheapest of the five, though this is probably owing to this version being reprinted in The List for…some…reason. And not the rest. Huh.

 Unhinged

Much like Unglued, Unhinged is a parody set, and the basics that come with it served as experimentation on the design much like the joke cards toyed with potential future card mechanics. Unlike the Unglued lands, though, the Unhinged Basics are pretty universally agreed to be fucking gorgeous.

Almost the entire card is dominated by the art of the card, with a thin frame and border the only dividers between art and edge. The modern land frame looks much more interesting than the old-border one, frankly, meaning that the parts of the card that aren’t art just look a little bit better. And that art…John Avon is an absolutely excellent landscape painter, and his skill is in full swing here. There’s intense colours and hundreds of subtle details, with the vastness of each land’s world conveyed through either an aerial or first-person perspective. The Forest and Swamp are impossibly deep, the Plains and ocean impossibly vast, the Mountain impossibly tall.

For a while, these were the de facto full-art basics, to the point where the MTGO Cube tournaments gave them to your decks by default. They’ve well earned that title, frankly, as there aren’t a lot of Magic cards that look as good as these do.

 Zendikar

Zendikar is the first Standard set to have come with an alternate style of basic, an choice made to support the set’s Landfall theme and adventurous world. For the first time, the full-art lands were made to convey landscapes utterly alien to earth, worldbuilding in much the same way as those from previous Planes like Mirrodin and Alara. This also means it was the first set with full-arts that also had more than one art per basic, adding collectability and variety to this and many future sets.

The landscapes of the Zendikar full-arts are bizarre and otherworldly, with floating rocks (and the infamous “cup Island”) and impossibly gnarled and branching trees. The violence of the plane’s Roil is conveyed through crashing mountains, steaming vents, and tornadoes of water. While previous lands have had charm, these have character.

It was the Zendikar basics that were the defaults when I started playing Magic, since the Unhinged ones were prohibitively expensive and the Unglued ones were that and also not everyone liked them. Even then they were pricy, not 4 years since their printing. It’s also worth noting that these were the first iterations of full-art basics that would get a normal-frame version, the art compacted into a standard Basic shell- obviously they don’t look as good, but in pieces of art designed for a portrait, the cropped landscape doesn’t quite work.

 Judge Promos 2014

There isn’t a lot to say about these, seeing as they’re basically irrelevant to most players. They’re the only other set of basics in the “Modern” (8th Edition-Conspiracy) frame as full arts, and they make up a panorama which is fairly cool. They’re pretty, sure, but not especially notable.

Also, fuck Terese Nielsen. And fuck TERFs in general. 

 Battle for Zendikar

I remember these fondly, seeing as the were the first that came out since I started playing, and the Fat Packs containing a solid block of them sold out almost immediately. I did manage to pick one up for Oath of the Gatewatch, though. This was the first set in the current frame, with a border that’s only tapered at the top and the black bottom section for collector information. Hot take, but I think these look better framewise than Zendikar.

As far as art goes, each land type has 4 new arts and 1 reprinted (yes, including Cup Island), and I think some amount of the unique character of Zendikar was lost in the 6 years between releases. Much of the violence and chaos of the originals is missing, and there’s more of an emphasis on the amazing vistas of the plane- brighter skies, even on some of the Swamps, and relatively fewer of the Hedrons which dominated the landscape.

However, I’d argue this works thematically for the set. Original Zendikar was about exploring this dangerous, rugged world, where survival is not guaranteed and landmarks were just as likely to float away or collapse as they were to remain standing. But Battle for Zendikar is a war story, of fighting against an insurmountable force- thus, the basics are here to show that the world and all its beauty are worth fighting for.

 Oath of the Gatewatch

This is kind of a special case, seeing as the Plains, Islands, Swamps, Mountains, and Forests from this set were the same as those in Battle for Zendikar. However, Oath of the Gatewatch added a new basic “type”, in the typeless Wastes, along with two different art treatments representing the devastation in the wake of two Eldrazi Titans, Ulamog and Kozilek.

There’s a clear winner here. The desolation of Ulamog is chalky, dry, and skeletal, and while it’s kind of disquieting, it holds no candle to the utter unreality of the bismuth landscape left by Kozilek. It’s ultimately just so much more of an interesting piece of art, a world as alien to us as the Wastes were to the game of Magic. There’s a reason that was the version they chose to put in the old border in Time Spiral: Remastered.

 Amonkhet

For a world as monobiomic as Amonkhet, the basic land art is surprisingly varied. I was wondering how they’d make Forest work on a desert plane with one main city. Unfortunately, the full-art land art is somewhat less interesting. Amonkhet, like most sets, has 4 arts per basic land type, but in this case, only one of those is full-art, making packs marginally more of a gamble.

I see what they were going for. The visions of Nakhtamun presented by these cards are relatively peaceful, with the Throne of the God Pharoah in the background adding this ominous mood, as the Second Sun slowly creeps towards it. It is somewhat jarring, though, when you realize that all of these pieces are apparently taken from the same angle, meaning that that section of the city must be a bit of a hodge-podge.

These arts are basically fine. I don’t have a huge issue, but I wish there was a bit more variety, especially considering the gorgeous shots in some of the other basics from the set. You could have put the Monuments in the background instead of the Bolas horns, like some of those other basics do, but I suppose that wouldn’t do for the next set, would it.

Hour of Devastation

The full-art lands of Hour of Devastation are the same shots as from Amonkhet, but after the God-Pharoah’s return has laid waste to Nakhtamun and its people. The rivers run red with blood, the sky is an ominous haze, swarms of insects ravage the clouds, and those big buildings acting like mountains are, uh, kinda broken.

I will confess a love for these cards, if only because the non-Swamp ones are a great thematic choice for basics in a Black-based multicolour deck. In addition, and this is kind of a unique, personal bias, but: When the Sealed League for this set came around, foils of these were given out to players as promotion, but the batch we got at our local was heavily, heavily overprinted. Thus, I have a single copy of the Forest from this set that looks utterly gorgeous, this incredible darkness only pierced by the glow of the horns that are somehow more foreboding than the night surrounding them. It’s been in my Sultai EDH deck ever since.

 Unstable

Much in the vein of its predecessors, Unstable has basic lands trying out a new Thing than the others, and in this case the basics aren’t just full-art, they’re borderless. And they got John Avon back for them, so the art is as incredible as Unhinged was.

One interesting thing about these is the haze of colour in the background of the art pieces. The Forest has this green glow, and the tinge of the clouds in the Swamp and Mountain lean black and red respectively. This helps a lot in these cards, letting the semi-transparent frame blend into the art, helping that seamless feel.

My main, and probably only, issue with these basics is the holographic rarity stamp present on every rare since Magic 2015, as while these obviously would be and did become valuable, they’re still just basics. The only real money in Unstable, sure, but I don’t think that’s deserving of the stamp, which is kind of distracting. It’s absence would also have allowed the bottom border to be even lower, were WoTC willing to compress the collector’s information to a single line. It is a missed opportunity, but not especially much of one.

[believerindaydreams]

Valentine fluff and stuff, Benny/Arcade <3 post the events of Raging Against the Machine

"Permission to court Arcade? My my, that's a trifle old fashioned, isn't it?" Daisy props the sniper rifle over her back, gives a little wave to Boone as they exit the dinosaur's mouth.

Benny shrugs. "He's welcome to ask my mother if he wants to...we're like that in the Boot Riders is all. Fucking is one thing, but where marriage is concerned you ask the matriarch."

"You could hardly consider me the matriarch of anything. And I didn't raise that boy to just take orders from anyone, especially one of...us."

"Orders about what?" Arcade's left off his coat in the Mojave heatwave, and his lover down to sharp black trousers and a blue shirt rolled up to the elbows makes him momentarily wish that Daisy wasn't here, or indeed the rest of the population of Novac.

Lover, heh. The thing he most regrets about all this is giving up that fond familiar term for a new and alien one.

"Anything," Daisy says mildly. "I won't spoil the surprise if Benny hasn't told you yet."

"...if he hadn't told you- uh, okay. I can wait." He throws Benny a confused look, gets a cheerful stonewall of a response.

Really, there's no need to inform Daisy that he let famously laidback Arcade Gannon be the one to propose first.

***

*one week earlier*

"I'm prescribing you a break. Medically."

"House had a point plugging himself into a mainframe," Benny growls, tossing yet another clipboard into the ever-growing stack besides him. "It would save a lot of trouble to do this all mentally- do you know how many pages of negotiations I'm dealing with for the sharecropper farms alone?"

"No, and that isn't the point. You need to stop acting like we're in perpetual crisis mode, the war's been over for a month-"

"The crises don't stop just because of a sudden outbreak of peace."

"You've got Swank. You've got a room full of clerks back there," Arcade says, gesturing. The Tops presidential suite is almost unrecognizable now from its earlier iteration as a swinger pad; there are charts on the walls, hurrying subordinates, and the bar has been cleared of liquor in favor of a shiny new terminal for Benny's private use. "You have responsibilities, yes, but you need to ease off at some point. Unless you actually want everyone to start thinking you're another Mr House in the making."

Not only has the thought occurred to him, now wasn't even for the first time today, but- you can hardly say that to Arcade.

"I couldn't relax here if I wanted to. Look at this mess. There isn't a place in New Vegas where I could go without having a lot of hangers on trying to get my attention, at least I can hear myself think in here."

"True. That's why I bought a house."

"The fuck- you what?" Squatting is one thing. Actually, literally, owning property, putting in for an official deed claim with the antiquated RobCo property machinery...not only is it an incredible pain, it's incredibly expensive. Even the Kings didn't bother with that, and the Old Mormon Fort is technically rented.

"Well. I had a few gold bars burning a hole in my pocket...and some free time, since the horrendous bloodbath of a New Vegas conquest singularly failed to happen."

"I thought you were donating that to the Followers."

"I thought it'd be good to use it for purposes that advance a Follower agenda. Such as insuring that our newly independent city-state has the opportunity to demonstrate it can exist without its interim dictator." Arcade leans over the bar, kisses his forehead in a gently, oddly chaste way.

It seems odd to Benny at first, until Arcade pulls back and he realises they have an audience. There is no way everyone from the back office needed a pencil all at the same time.

Well, if there's an audience he might as well live up to it. Benny flicks them a smile, adjusts the folds of his collar. "That's different. If you wanted to sweep me off my feet for a long dirty weekend, why didn't you start with the lead?"

He pulls Arcade close for a much more enthusiastic embrace, lips and tongues interlocked, until the doctor actually overbalances. For one terrifying moment he thinks he'll lose control, helplessly watch Arcade go falling headfirst into the wall or the floor or something equally painful.

It doesn't happen. He sustains the weight, until Arcade manages to pull back and stand up again, apparently unaware that anything could have happened. It's all right. They're all right.

"The things I'll do to advance a healthy socio-political agenda," his lover retorts, rather pink-faced, to general clapping and cheers.

***

Phoenix Point, the house is called; and Benny almost regrets it.

It's right across the street from an old tools factory, one of the places he'd resorted to while hunting up Lucky 38 access codes, heart in his mouth every minute. It hasn't been long before he'd known that Arcade's gambit with the Fiends had ended with his rescue by the courier; it had been considerably more worrying, that she had him than they. Fiends being killable.

Marilyn...he still has nightmares, justified ones.

The mistrust eases as Arcade opens the small barbed wire gate, though- it's pre-war security, with a physical and electrical lock. The outer door offers a hefty piece of metal plating, impenetrable to two centuries of decay.

This better not be like a vault. Arcade knows his opinion on those-

but then his lover unlocks the door and lets them inside, and it isn't like that at all.

Light, that's the first thing he notices. Real sunlight, glinting off the water in an open courtyard- a reservoir then, water to waste. That's an immediately soothing sight right there, unmitigated luxury for anyone raised to Mojave dust.

He makes for it immediately, tasting its sweet clarity- no rads, the Pip-Boy silence confirms that. In place of a Geiger counter he can hear Mr New Vegas, endlessly ruminating about love; and the faint whistle of a stewpot on the boil.

And his lover's quick breathing, behind him.

Benny turns, grins at Arcade's self-conscious pose; lying down but with an elbow propping up his chin, all that height shown off even horizontally as compared to the array of ferns and broc flowers behind him. "Is the rest of it this nice?"

"I certainly hope so. I went to more trouble than I needed to, perhaps- the Lucky 38 has been, uh, liberated of a number of books. Brought out some supplies for the workshop, that kind of thing...put together a wardrobe for you," Arcade says, looking very nearly pained. "Even articles that I do not have any comprehension why a sane person would wear."

Benny laughs, but can't sustain it; too much at once, too deeply meant to him. "I love it. I love it already, I love you."

"You haven't even seen it yet."

He draws his lover close, the scent of herbs and animal warmth and the brightening light of the Strip all melding together into one glorious sensation. "I will. Because..."

He doesn't know how to say how a home is holy to him, or how there's no one else in the world he would trust to shape it for him. Or how to say anything at all that means what he needs it to, when words are his worthless stock in trade.

"Because it's you," he says eventually; because that's honest.

Arcade laughs, strokes his hair. "Glad to hear it. Imagine trying to woo the Chairman of the Tops without a reasonably impressive dowry."

That rings false, he almost pulls away. "You don't need to buy me."

"I thought you appreciated that kind of ironic backchat."

"I do, but...not from you. Not with that sincere Followers face of yours." With that ready impatience for the truly immoral, the willingness to speak truth to power. "You're my moral center. Keep on keeping me honest, please."

Arcade favors him with a distinctly stunned expression. "Oddly, I'm rather in the habit of thinking that's what you are to me. You're braver than I am, as far as accepting the risk of failure to try to steer towards better outcomes. There are times when indecision itself can become paralysing."

The sunset isn't visible from behind the high fencing, but there's a rich blueness fading to purple above them. "In that case...carpe diem?"

"Seize the day?"

"Is that what it means? The impression I got was that it meant something more like 'jump my bones'. That'll teach me to listen to ex-Legion prostitutes."

"...you have a profoundly terrible sense of timing," Arcade murmurs, and rolls over on top of him.

"Uh."

"Carpe diem, then?"

Maybe his voice does fail him; but he kisses his way into a yes.

[hazbincalifornia]

Amount of writing I’m getting done for OT and my IZ fic: Some.

Amount of writing I’m getting done for self-indulgent bullshit: Somewhat more.

Anyway, wrote out Bella meeting Sir Pentious because I was bit by the muse bug. This is written for the four people who know who they both are, f.

Wordcount: 2075

The second she saw the airship soaring through the red-tinted sky, shooting anything that looked at it funny, Bella knew she had to get inside of it. Let Kit flirt with their host (or, if she was honest, fail to flirt with, man, she didn’t even like flirting and even she knew that he turned into a pile of goopy mush when he was around a guy he thought was cute) and let Vee attempt to kidnap yet another animal to try and smuggle home, she wanted to find out who the heck made a steam-powered airship in the twenty-first century.

Or maybe Hell was actually stuck in the year 1900, who knew? Time probably passed funny in the afterlife, but the fact that nobody had shot them out of the sky yet said that there was something else afoot- the pilot had to have some way of warding off attacks considering rivals probably had, like, grenade launchers, and she wanted to find out how. Style merged with substance, ruling the air with confidence- and she wanted in. 

“Hey! Hey you!” She flagged down somebody with four arms and purple fur who looked short enough to be less likely to punt her into orbit- Mom had warned that most people down here were mean as, well, Hell- and pointed up at the ship. “What’s the deal with those?”

“You a newly dead?” The demon raised one of their four eyes, and Bella nodded.

“Yeah, yeah, newly dead. Anyway. Story?”

“They’re made by Sir Pentious, one of the Overlords. He’s some kinda inventor, I’unno. Never blew up anything that mattered to me, so I never cared that much.”

“Sir Pentious…” She rolled the name around in her mouth, plucking the ‘T’ in the middle thoughtfully along with the rubber bands wrapped around her braces. “Got it. Thanks!”

“Er- you’re welcome.” They darted off, but that was fine. Now it was just a matter of actually getting onboard.

____________

She couldn’t find a rocket pack anywhere- lousy Hell lagging behind Earth technologically- but ended up stumbling across the next best thing in a warehouse that had an extra ship that had clearly been in some sort of accident. This one was only partially-reassembled, and there was a lot of burn damage sustained to the aluminum and copper outside, but that just meant that she could see the skeleton without having to slice through a lot of layers, so it was almost better- and a lot easier to crawl in one of the big holes in the front window via a pile of parts in front of it.

The interior was decorated like a mansion, with vivid yellows, reds, and blacks- she could respect the commitment to the aesthetic, especially with torn-open snakesheds and red eyeballs plastered everywhere. It looked like something out of Mom’s old comic book collection, toxic and yet intoxicating, every detail chosen for maximum dramatic potential. It must look even better with all the lights on and more than her phone’s flashlight illuminating bits at a time.

It was the best playground that she could imagine- nothing but her and a massive ship the size of an apartment building. Oddly enough, there wasn’t much dust- maybe it had crashed recently and was being held here for repairs? It was certainly of a similar design to the one that she’d seen from the ground, so she couldn’t imagine that it wasn’t just an iteration or two away.

Her fingers ran over the sleek machinery like it was sacred- some of it looked like it belonged in a museum, but the rest was cutting edge, and the seamless way they blended was like something out of a dream. A genius indeed- if she’d been born a hundred years ago and was suddenly thrust into the modern day, she could only hope that her tech would look this good. There was room for improvement of course, there always was, but it was loads better than most of what she saw digging through the junkyard, and a lot closer to the stuff she made with Grandpa Zim using his irken tech. Impressive for someone who’d clearly been dead for some time, considering he’d made enough of a name for himself that some rando off the street knew it.

“Genius inventor, huh…?” Bella pulled out her screwdriver, starting to work on freeing the control panel. It had a touchscreen and levers, what was that about? She had to know what it looked like underneath- did Hell even use cables and wires or was she going to need to drag Kit in to do his magic business here?

It took some doing- whatever had taken this particular ship down had welded the panel into place and it took a crowbar to pry off, ha, take that Venus for saying she ‘didn’t need to bring it’- but eventually she got into the guts of the thing. Sure enough, it was wiring, spiraled all into itself in a knot- it must have gotten all messed up at some point, maybe that was what caused the crash on top of whatever burnt the outside? 

She was about to start taking it apart when she heard a pitter-patter behind her.

“I’ve got a gun and I know how to use it, ya know,” she said, rummaging around in her pocket before pulling it out. “Mom insisted I bring the one that can vaporize people since apparently half of you can’t even die the normal way anyway? Bunch of freaks.” Her finger twitched towards the trigger as the pitter-patter became a shadow as the thing scrambled up towards the same hole she’d come in. “I’m warning you, I’m a great shot. Won’t take two to blow your brains out.”

“Whoever you are, bossman says you gotta go!” 

It was an egg. Not like some kind of insult, it was literally an egg, and probably a third of her size. It was also wearing a little hand-tailored suit and top hat. She stared down at it, and it stared up at her. 

“Who’s bossman?” Bella asked after a few very long seconds of silence.

“You know… bossman!” It blinked. “He doesn’t like people pokin’ around his cool, cool stuff and you tripped the motion sensor. Hey, is that a ray gun?”

Bella’s finger eased off the trigger. “Yeah, it is. It can probably scramble you.”

“Oooh! Fun! Not as good as boss’s, I’m sure, but-”

“Hey, what say you take me to this boss?” Bella crouched down, knowing this was incredibly stupid but also already entirely committed to it. “Then he can decide what to do with me in person.”

“Hmm… alright, but no funny business!” The egg looked her up and down before turning heel, starting to clamor down the pile of parts. She had to hold back a snort when she saw that it had ‘#69’ written on its back.

Some things never changed no matter where you went.

____________

The egg blabbered on all the way back to the ship, mostly about jazz music oddly enough, but soon enough they were nearing a different ship that had settled behind a building. It was either the one she’d seen before or a duplicate, and she felt a shiver run up her spine as she got close- it looked a lot cooler in one piece and lit up bright yellow. Her phone buzzed, and she discreetly pulled it out as the egg launched into a diatribe on the importance of the saxophone. It was a text from her sister. 

dolittle 🐭: bells where ARE you

dolittle 🐭: kits distracting clove so I could grab one of those bugdog things but moms gonna be asking how were doing soon, what should I say

Bella thought for a moment before sending back a reply. ‘im checking out that airship we saw earlier. have weapons. ill be fine. meet you back at the cafe later’

dolittle 🐭: be careful ok? know you can handle it but still

Bella smiled a little at that, sending a thumbs up before tucking her phone back into her pocket as they ascended the bridge.

“And then, then he saysss to me, he sayssss- Ah, there you are! Good, good.” She heard him before she saw him, voice booming as he welcomed his hench-egg back. “And what was poking around the warehouse?”

“This, boss!” The egg tugged at her jeans by the knee around the corner before pushing her forward with surprising force. “They said they wanted to see you!”

“Well well well!” 

Bella’s antennae twitched as her eyes widened. The man in front of her was a jet black snake, with fangs, a top hat, a bowtie, and eyes on his face as well as nestled on the open space on his chest and hood. Best she could pin from Venus’s nature lectures he was a cobra of some sort, and there was a smug fang-y grin on his face as he slithered up to her, taking advantage of the height that his tail gave him- he’d probably be seven feet easy to Bella’s mere five foot one. 

It took her only a moment to shake off her awe. “So you’re the famous Sir Pentious!”

His grin widened. “Ah! You’ve heard of me, little tresssspassser?” 

“Obviously, considering I knew your name, right?”

“Er- yes!” He faltered for just a moment, and she went in for the kill.

“Your work’s fantastic, but you really need a way to keep the gutty stuff in order in case of a hit- that’s probably part of why that other ship went down, y’know? But your sense of design and how you mold your century-old designs with the new stuff- it’s fantastic, I just want to cut it all open and see how it works.”

“What did you do?” His hood flared, and she twirled the gun in her hands.

“I only touched the control panel, and your little egg boy got at me before I messed with anything, but I’d give anything for a couple of days working on the interior of this place- I bet I could make it run faster and with less fuel.”

The eye on his hat rolled itself as he narrowed the eyes on his face. “Who are you to come in and think you know better than I about my own shipssss? I should end you right here for your insolence and your trespassing!”

Bella folded her arms, glancing around. “Hmm… far left column, the one with a yellow eye instead of a red one.”

“What about it?” He folded his arms as well, waggling his head. “Are you-”

“It’s welded weird. Something went wrong with the metal when it was being forged, so you put it in the back so you wouldn’t have to look at it. You didn’t want to waste a perfectly good column because somebody screwed up one little part. And that’s just what I see looking around in, like, five seconds- gah!” The end of his tail had wrapped around behind her while she’d been talking, and struck before she finished her sentence, lifting her up to his eye-level with her arms pinned to her sides.

“Little wrench! How dare you?” 

“I’m…” Her legs kicked a little, ribs feeling uncomfortably bendy at the moment as his scales pressed against her chest and back. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

His tongue darted out as he hissed, just barely brushing her nose before sliding back into his mouth.

“What do you really want, missy? I don’t like competition, you know.”

“You to let me breathe, for one,” she wheezed, fingers turning to try tickling what she could reach, and his cheek twitched funny before she dropped bodily to the floor, only managing to roll in time thanks to muscle memory from combat training. Thanks, Grandpas. “I really do just wanna see how all your stuff works. The ways I could improve my own inventions if I just could figure out how to blend different functionalities the way that you do...”

“I am quite impresssssive, aren’t I?” He puffed up his chest a bit. “And you have no intention to-”

Bella drew an X over her chest. “Cross my heart. You’re the bossman.”

He looked her up and down. “Hmm. Get back to me when you have a proper uniform and not those ragssss, and I suppose I could show you around a bit, if- if!- you show me something of yourssss.  ”

Bella’s grin slipped into a smirk as she gave a bow. “Bella Donna at your service, then, Sir Penny.”

[rivalsforlife]

one more ahaha but the cherry blossom scene at the end of catch up game ch 3 because i'm still thinking nonstop about it all the time 👀👉👈

ABSOLUTELY I CAN also for anyone reading this go look at Mika’s art which inspired this scene. It’s the tumblr version so you can reblog it too, which you should do, even if you don’t read my long rambling,

okay once again rambling below...

Traditionally, Larry Butz arrived at any social gathering anywhere from half an hour to three hours later than the time he was told, so all things considered, he was actually early. Phoenix wasted no time informing him of the latest betrayal among their small elementary school friend group.

this is a direct callout to one of my friends from high school, where we started seriously considering telling her that any social event we were planning started an hour earlier than it actually did so that she’d make it there on time. We never did in case this turned out to be the time she actually made it on time, but still.

“Larry, remember that one time we were trying to make that gigantic hopscotch game, and we ran out of chalk?” He pointed an accusatory finger at Edgeworth, who sighed. “It turns out, Edgeworth hid it all along!”

Larry blinked, then shrugged. “Oh yeah, right, that. Well, I kind of had an idea…”

“Wh — You hid this from me too?! D-Death! The death penalty for the both of you!”

“Why does this all sound so familiar,” Edgeworth commented under his breath.

I think this part is mostly there so Larry actually does something because I couldn’t find any real way to fit him into this fic...? Anyways the dialogue there with Phoenix threatening the death penalty on Miles and Larry is pretty much directly lifted from the end of Turnabout Goodbyes, which is why Miles comments on it sounding familiar. 

They continued on in that vein for some time, dredging up old elementary school memories. Phoenix proclaimed to be the only innocent member of that group, before Edgeworth brought up a set of very nice gel pens Phoenix reportedly stole from him. Phoenix and Edgeworth got caught up in their argument, and barely even noticed when Larry wandered away, joining Maggey and Gumshoe at the fishing pond while Franziska critiqued them.

This sort of familiar banter was normal. As Edgeworth teased in that same way he had ever since Phoenix first faced him in court, he had to wonder if he’d just imagined the way Edgeworth had been looking at him during the party. Maybe everything was fine, after all.

Not pictured: Phoenix and Miles leaning in closer to each other as they argue. too close. Larry tries to comment but neither of them hear him. Eventually he just walks away because he’s sick of third-wheeling with these two. It’s my firm belief that if there weren’t the court benches in the way that they need to slam, these two would slowly walk closer and closer to each other as they argue because they. uh. want to “intimidate” each other. that’s why they’re nose to nose like that. the whole courtroom is suddenly very uncomfortable.

Haha anyways also I think these two would pick the dumbest things to argue about all the time? Never seriously arguing, the just like bickering because they don’t know how to hold conversations about their feelings.

“You still haven’t explained exactly what happened to my gel pen set,” Edgeworth accused, as they circled around the argument for the third time.

Phoenix threw his hands up in the air. “I just forgot to return it! I didn’t know you were so bothered by it. You should have brought it up!”

“Back then? You were so sensitive. If I brought up that you might have upset me in the least, you would have burst into tears.”

“I wasn’t that sensitive.”

Edgeworth sighed. “Wright, you cried when I got a question wrong on a spelling test, because you thought I would be sad about it.”

“And you were!” Phoenix retorted. “You cried for like an hour!”

“Because when you started crying, I thought it was something I had to be ashamed of!”

More bickering, pretty much! Also I do think Phoenix cried A Lot and was super sensitive up until the whole Dahlia trial which traumatized him pretty badly... 

Anyways the REAL story behind this incident which I am making up just now is probably that Miles was on the verge of crying because of Getting Something Wrong -- which I totally get, I absolutely almost cried over spelling tests as a baby -- and Phoenix picked up on this and realized his best friend was sad and started crying, which made Miles start to fully cry, and it just became a mess.

Meanwhile Larry with the 3/10 on his spelling test was just like “I don’t get what you guys are so upset about a 9/10 is great” which just makes them cry even more.

(Then Gregory probably found out about this incident and sat Miles down and gave him a speech about “everyone makes mistakes and it’s okay to not be perfect all the time, this is a learning opportunity and it shows you what you need to work on!”

:)

That sentiment didn’t last very long.)

Wow I’m getting off topic, moving on --

Phoenix crossed his arms. “I remember this whole thing very differently than you do. You cried first.”

“I never cried in fourth grade.”

Phoenix leaned in and whispered into his ear, “Origami.”

“Do not bring that up!” Edgeworth hissed as Phoenix reared back, laughing.

I don’t know if you need to lean in super close and whisper that in his ear though Phoenix, that might be a bit unnecessary. Miles got lucky here in that his Eternal Shame over not being able to fold an origami crane in fourth grade overrode whatever reaction he undoubtedly would have had about Phoenix’s face being very close to his face.

Anyways this banter is here in the fic mostly because I really wanted to show them being all comfortable and happy with each other. That was a major thing I wanted to push as much as possible in these earlier chapters, that they do care about each other a lot even before we enter the more outright romantic territory.

“Regardless, I am certain you took my gel pen set, so don’t try to blame faulty memory on that one. I bet you carelessly used them all up, didn’t you?”

“Hardly! I wouldn’t even touch it after you left. It reminded me of you.”

Some of the fight left Edgeworth’s stance. “Really?”

“Well… yeah.” He wasn’t sure why the admission suddenly felt like a confession of an entirely different sort.

aw man Phoenix you brought feelings into your banter NOW what are you going to do.

I’m preeetty sure I have books that I lent to my friends in fourth grade that they never gave back so it’s of course not an inherently romantic thing, they probably just forgot it was mine and obviously aren’t going to bring it back now ten years later, but for Phoenix in this case it was probably more like “I borrowed these gel pens from Miles and then keep forgetting to give them back but was going to after winter break, and then he left, so I need to hold onto them until he comes back”. Miles was taken from his life so suddenly it probably had a huge effect on him, especially since he had few friends at the time and Miles made such a big impact on him.

The two of them sat underneath the tree in a sudden, serene quiet. They’d both discarded their suit jackets at some point, down to their dress shirts and waistcoats. Phoenix pretended not to notice the way Edgeworth’s eyes darted across the line of his shoulders and lingered longer than they should have.

I don’t ever really pay much attention to what people are wearing or what they look like at any particular time when I’m writing, but in this case I took extra care to make sure they were in the same outfits as in the art that inspired this!

Maybe I’ll ramble a bit more about that! Pretty much the “theme” of narumitsu week this year was “cherry blossoms”, so I wanted to find some way to incorporate them into this fic somewhere somehow. I decided to have that as a focus on Free Day because I enjoy having structure and wasn’t sure what to have for the day.

Some of this scene, mainly the picnic, is inspired by that one official art here. The first iteration of this chapter had everyone in it (with the obvious exceptions of Diego and Mia) but then I took out Maya and Pearl for reasons I explained when I was talking about the scene in chapter 6 where I decided to cut a lot of Maya’s scenes out of this fic... even though I love her a lot.

And of course when I thought about cherry blossoms and narumitsu I thought about Mika’s art, yes I am linking it again, which I believe she posted about a month or so before I started planning and I was Thinking About It Constantly. It’s gorgeous and since there was the perfect opportunity to use it here I just couldn’t resist and here we are.

Back to the paragraph: Miles attempted to subtly check Phoenix out. It was not subtle.

“Do you still have those gel pens?” Edgeworth asked, softer. “I think you owe me them, after everything.”

“Oh, shut up,” said Phoenix, but it was difficult to have a heated argument right now, for some unknown reason. “If I still have them, they’re in a box somewhere. Plus, they ought to have dried up by now.”

“I doubt it.” A faint smile was beginning to crawl on Edgeworth’s face. “Those gel pens were state of the art.”

“Sure they were,” Phoenix dismissed. “And, what, you’re going to use them? Sign your fancy prosecutor documents in bright pink?”

“What makes you think I don’t do that already?”

“You wouldn’t — oh, wait, of course you’d have customized ink in the same colour as your entire wardrobe, who am I even talking to…”

“Mhm.” Edgeworth brushed his bangs from his eyes, a motion that Phoenix’s brain decided to fixate on for some reason. “But really, you went to all the trouble of keeping the set, and you never used any of them?”

(Miles voice) “oh so you kept something as trivial as that for so long because they reminded you of me? Tell me more. Why do you want a reminder of me. What exactly do you think of me, Wright,”

hm pretty much as soon as Phoenix brought Feelings into this conversation the atmosphere kind of changed and you can now imagine Miles staring with the most adoring expression at Phoenix while Phoenix is ignoring this with such intensity that it doesn’t even show up in his narration. But he also watches the way Miles brushes his bangs from his eyes, so he’s not much better.

And thinking about it now this scene really went on for too long about gel pens hahaha... 

“Objection!” Phoenix declared. “I used the blue one to write you letters at first.”

“Ah, of course you did. I never got any of those… How many did you send?”

“I don’t even want to know…”

Edgeworth hummed and looked off into the distance, where Gumshoe was demonstrating how to cast a line. “Your level of dedication is something else,” he said, as if to himself.

“Well, yeah. You were my only non-Larry friend. You were…” Phoenix swallowed. “You were important to me, you know? You saved me.”

“You keep bringing that up. You’ve more than returned the favor, you know that, don’t you?”

“I’m inclined to disagree.”

I don’t have a consistent headcanon about whether Miles got or read the letters, in this fic presumably von Karma intercepted them and got rid of them... and then presumably Miles ignored any that were sent to him as an adult.

Also these two are going to have ridiculous arguments about who saved who until they’re on their deathbeds, I’m sure.

Edgeworth turned back towards him as if to retort, but stopped halfway, his eyes widening slightly as he stared at Phoenix.

“... Something on my face?” Phoenix asked, trying to quell the feeling of some sort of anxiety that bubbled up when Edgeworth stared at him like that.

insert mikacherryblossomart.png

Miles turns away for one second and then suddenly oh no he’s even more gorgeous now

Edgeworth was silent for some time. Then, very softly, he said, “You have cherry blossom petals in your hair.”

“What? Do I?” He reached a hand up to brush them out, but Edgeworth stopped him by grabbing his wrist, freezing Phoenix.

“With your hair, you’ll never get them out like that.” With his spare hand, Edgeworth began to pick each individual petal from his hair. “You look so — silly, Wright.”

Partially a callback to the beginning of chapter 3, when they were kids:

“Y-Your hair,” Miles managed to say through stifled laughter. “One of the flowers fell into it.”

Phoenix hands shot up into his hair. “Really?”

“You look so silly, Phoenix.” When Phoenix failed to find the flower, Miles reached out. “Here, let me.” 

 Phoenix remained still as Miles reached up to the top of his head and picked the flower out of his hair. “Your hair’s really soft,” Miles said quietly, before handing it over to Phoenix. “Here you go.”

because Miles apparently remembered that it was difficult for Phoenix to get the petals from his hair the first time, and also, wanted an excuse to touch Phoenix’s hair again.

But also the dialogue and interactions are ONCE AGAIN INSPIRED BY MIKA based on this reply to my reply to the art on twitter. look at that you can go and retweet the art on twitter too!

Overall this gives us an accurate Thoughts to Speech translator for Miles:

Miles: You have cherry blossom petals in your hair and it is going to kill me.

Phoenix: What? Do I?

Miles: No, wait, don’t brush them out, I want to touch your hair because it is soft and this is the perfect excuse. You look so captivating.

if Miles had said that out loud though it would probably have killed both of them.

Phoenix let out an awkward, low laugh, starting somewhere deep within his chest. “R-Really.”

“Mhm.”

Edgeworth’s eyes locked with Phoenix’s, and time seemed to freeze. There was a sudden thrum of tension in the air, as if Phoenix were in a play and he’d suddenly forgotten his lines, forgotten he was supposed to be in a play at all.

(chanting) “kiss kiss kiSS KISS KISS --”

But before either of them could break the sudden spell over them, a fishing hook whirred through the air, and —

“Ack, I — I think I got it stuck!”

but of course that needs to be interrupted at the worst possible time because this is fanfiction and this is how things work!

“In the tree?! How did you even manage to get it that far?”

“Don’t worry about it, Maggey, I can climb up the tree and get it unstuck, just hang on —”

“No, no, if I just give it a big yank—”

“Maggey—!”

I broke the first rule of writing dialogue because I can’t really remember who’s supposed to be saying what. I think that Maya had a few lines here and then I didn’t change them since there were no dialogue tags...

Pretty much -- Maggey with her eternal luck tried to fish but released the line too early as she was swinging back so the line went back and got caught in the tree branches directly above Phoenix and Miles.

I think the dialogue progression goes Maggey -> Originally Maya but now either Larry or Franziska -> Gumshoe -> Maggey -> everyone going MAGGEY NO!!!

I remember going fishing with my grandpa once a long time ago and either I or my brother did get the fishing line stuck in a tree. would not recommend.

The branch above Phoenix and Edgeworth jostled, and pink petals burst all around them, fluttering down and catching in their hair and on their clothes. One petal even fell behind Edgeworth’s glasses.

They stared at each other for a moment, stunned, Edgeworth’s hand still loosely wrapped around Phoenix’s wrist, as Maggey shouted apologies from the distance.

There are no cherry blossom trees where I live so I have no idea if we’re even in the right season for this or if cherry blossom trees even behave this way - but I’m basing it off of... you know when it’s that point in fall where if you shake a tree branch leaves will just scatter everywhere? That. 

Also RIP to the other four who were just having a grand old time fishing and then turn around seeing these two sitting really close to each other almost holding hands about two seconds away from a kiss... which they’d just interrupted...

And then — the most incredible thing happened, and Edgeworth began to laugh.

Phoenix could have catalogued all the laughs he heard from Edgeworth: the usual, short laughs often mistaken for a scoff by those who didn’t know him as well as Phoenix did; the triumphant, smug, courtroom laughs when he thought he had Phoenix cornered; to the quiet, restrained ones in private that were more of a hum than anything else. This laugh was new.

This was a full-on fit of laughter bubbling deep in his chest and spilling from his mouth, which Edgeworth quickly covered with his free hand, with the additional bonus of covering his reddening face. It wasn’t something hidden or faked or triumphant, it was genuine, and open, and Phoenix could swear it was one of the most beautiful sounds he ever heard.

Miles here is going through an emotional rollercoaster having been two seconds away from finally kissing the love of his life only to be interrupted at the worst possible time, which is just so on brand for the two of them that he can’t help but start laughing hysterically. Plus Phoenix probably looks absolutely shocked suddenly covered in petals, which doesn’t help.

Then the next two paragraphs are brought on by Phoenix Pining and also me wanting Miles Edgeworth to laugh more... 

From my notes for this scene:

They stare at each other for a moment and laugh, and Miles’ laugh just utterly captivates Phoenix and makes him fall so completely in love immediately and oh no he is screwed he is utterly screwed.

So pretty much I had to encapsulate the “falling so completely in love immediately” part which I decided to do by focusing on Miles laughing. I wanted to draw a lot of attention to that which is why there are so many paragraphs dedicated to Miles laughing and Phoenix thinking about Miles laughing.

Trucy’s laughter always made the world feel a little brighter, and made Phoenix feel stronger. Edgeworth’s laugh did the opposite; it dislodged something inside of him, it weakened him, it made the whole world go soft and fuzzy around him. Instead of illuminating all the good in the world, it turned Phoenix’s world into one person.

More focus on Miles’ laughter but also... kind of drawing attention to Phoenix’s reaction to this being different from his reaction to other people he cares about laughing? Because feeling warm and happy when seeing someone you care about non-romantically laugh is normal, but then I wanted to make it clear that this is a different sort of feeling for Phoenix. 

Also Phoenix has to realize this is a different sort of feeling for him because otherwise he could brush it off like he’s probably dismissed all of his romantic feelings throughout the years as “oh I’m just glad my friend is happy, and I rarely ever hear Edgeworth laugh so him being relaxed enough to laugh like that makes me feel happy too,” but it’s not what he’d expect if he just sees Miles as a friend. And it’s described as weakening in the paragraph because right now the subject of his romantic feelings for Miles isn’t something that Phoenix can fully or easily accept right now (as chapter 5 would indicate).

Edgeworth’s fit of laughter subsided, and he shifted his hand so he could look at Phoenix again, the hints of a shy grin peeking out between his fingers, his hair and his shirt and his face adorned with a sweet, gentle pink. It was like looking at an entirely different person — or, no, the same person, but with all armor off, all guards lowered.

Miles is very embarrassed right now but kind of... in a good way...? Like again, almost kissed the love of his life then rudely interrupted at the last possible moment, plus Phoenix’s whole reaction to the thing gave Miles the impression that Phoenix wanted to kiss him as well, so he’s feeling a little giddy. Plus he was just laughing a lot when he normally doesn’t do that. Overall he’s not used to expressing his emotions so he’s embarrassed and a little shy about it...

The part about Miles’ “hair and shirt and face adorned with a sweet, gentle pink” refers to both the cherry blossom petals (in his hair and clinging to his shirt and a bit on his face) and also him blushing quite a bit.

It all feels a little out of character honestly haha because Miles isn’t really the type to be blushing hardcore like this and be a little shy, buuut in this case I let myself get away with it because he’s dealing with romantic feelings he hasn’t ever dealt with at this level before, and it’s also out of character just enough to really strike Phoenix in the heart. You can just imagine him staring at Miles with the most lovestruck expression on his face because he hasn’t seen this side of Miles before and he loves it.

Phoenix’s heart stuttered in his chest, and may have stopped entirely.

He was screwed.

He was completely and utterly screwed.

And even Phoenix can’t deny that he’s super in love at this point. 

I think I wrote this part, changed the words “screwed” to “doomed” right before posting, and then switched it back again for no particular reason. The Vibe just felt a little off but oh well.

Then the next chapter skips over the rest of this picnic but honestly Phoenix’s brain skipped over the rest of this picnic as well. Imagine the two of them just kind of standing around in a lovestruck daze for a while. I think Franziska had to physically drag Miles out of there. no one knows how Phoenix got home, not even Phoenix and least of all me!

But thank you Mika for requesting this!! And for drawing such incredible art for me to base the chapter around haha!!!

[loveforpreserumsteve]

Not Without You (Canon Divergence Stucky Fix-It-Fic)

Eleven:

"Okay, here we go!" Bruce announced, "Time travel test number one. Scott, fire up the uh… the van… thing…"

Gazing over the breakers and making sure the generators were good to go, if need-be, Steve crossed the lab to where everyone else was. Bruce was pushing a lot of different buttons while Scott stood in his Ant-Man costume in front of the Quantum Tunnel.

"Breakers are set," Steve informed, "Generators are on standby."

"Good," Bruce assured. "'Cause if we blow the grid, I don't wanna lose Tiny here in the 1950s."

"Excuse me?" Cassie asked, defensively crossing her arms along her chest as she looked startled for her father.

Scott attempted to reassure her, "He's joking," even though it was easy to see that he wasn't too sure either.

Natasha rushed in hushed tones as she reprimanded, "You can't say things like that!"

"Just… It was a bad joke," Bruce poorly lied. So much so that even Steve rolled his eyes at him.

Worried, Cassie crossed the distance to Scott and wrapped her arms around him again. Considering how she had just gotten him back, Steve couldn't imagine what she was feeling now. Scott was brave.

Or stupid.

"You were kidding, right?" Steve quietly questioned, keeping his gaze on the Langs. Feeling personally responsible for whatever was about to happen to them.

Whispering, Bruce confessed, "I have no idea. We're talking about time travel here. Either it's all a joke, or none of it is."

Steve didn't like that answer. He didn't like it one bit. It caused his stomach to sink at the possibility that if this was to go wrong, it'd be his fault. Again. And Cassie didn't deserve that. Scott didn't either, and Steve knew that if Scott was lost, he'd never be able to forgive himself.

"We're good!" Bruce loudly exclaimed. Enthusiastically giving Scott a big thumbs up while Cassie moved until she joined the trio behind the control panel. He instructed, "Get your helmet on, Scott. I'm gonna send you back a week, let you walk around for an hour, then bring you back in 10 seconds. Make sense?"

"Perfectly not confusing," Scott sarcastically commented, jitterily moving around.

"Good luck, dad," Cassie encouraged.

"Thanks, Peanut," he smiled at his daughter.

"You got this," Steve added with a nod and a grin.

"You're right," Scott agreed, "I do, Captain America."

The Quantum Tunnel whirred even louder, the lights shining brighter, and in a blink of an eye, Scott was gone. For a moment, Steve's heart jumped into his throat as he watched the man just disappear. And although his first reaction was to jerk and flinch, he decidedly didn't do that. Instead, he dug his fingernails into the red sleeves of his Henley cladded arms and stood as still as the other three, all because he didn't want to cause the one anymore anxiety than necessary from watching her father poof away in front of their very eyes.

"On the count of three," Bruce started, flipping switches as he counted down, "Three, two, one!"

Pressing the button, everyone let out a breath of relief when a body was standing in front of them. However, that relief didn't last when it was very obviously not the man they were all expecting. No, instead a young teen stood there.

"Uh, guys?" The boy questioned.

"This isn't right," Cassie commented, eyes wide as she looked at the person in front of the Quantum Tunnel.

Keeping his tone low, Steve asked, "What is this?"

Distracted by the panel in front of him, Bruce questioned, "What's going on," all of two seconds before looking up and seeing exactly what was going on.

Not that that stopped Natasha from clarifying, "That! Who is that?"

Through thinly veiled panic, Bruce started pushing more buttons and flipping more switches. Very obviously trying to fix whatever they did wrong as he assured, "Hold on."

"Is that Scott?" Nat questioned, exchanging a worried glance with Steve.

"Yes, it's Scott!" The boy rushed, tapping his chest and the suit that was definitely not made for a child.

In another blink, the younger iteration of Scott was sucked back through the Quantum Tunnel. Of course, that didn't make Steve feel any better. And neither did the older man who came back in his place.

"Ow! My back!" The man complained, bringing his hand to his back as if that'd help with his pain.

"What is this?" Steve asked Bruce through clenched teeth.

"Can I get a little space here?" Bruce pointedly questioned Steve as he moved about the panel, trying to fix this.

"Yeah, yeah," Steve commented, dramatically throwing his arms up in the air while taking a step back.

Cassie held her hands in tight fists by her sides as she asked, "Can you bring him back?"

Hitting his palm against the side of a button pad the same way Steve would to a TV remote as he assured, "I'm working on it!"

Through the Quantum Tunnel, the old Scott was pulled back in. Within an instant, a baby sat in the spot before the tunnel. Stunned, Steve stated the obvious, "It's a baby."

"It's Scott," Bruce corrected.

"As a baby!" Cassie shouted, on the verge of hysterical.

Trying to ease the situation, Bruce reassured, "He'll grow."

"Bring Scott back!" Steve demanded on behalf of Cassie.

Motioning towards the breakers and generators, Bruce instructed, "When I say kill the power, kill the power."

"Oh my god," Natasha rushed as she quickly walked over to the breakers.

"And," more switches flipped, Bruce pointed to Natasha as he pushed on a large button, "Kill it!"

Nat pulled down the lever, shutting everything down. Thankfully, Scott -- the normal Scott -- was standing there. Admittedly, looking a little queasy and disconcerted. But at least it was their Scott, Steve guessed.

Cassie touched her hand to her chest as she sighed in relief and commented, "Oh, thank god."

Theatrically holding his arms out, as if showing off the panel display, or even the lab itself, Bruce enthusiastically stated, "Time travel!"

Scrubbing his hand over his face, Steve shook his head. Relieved that Scott was back. But losing an ounce of hope that they'll figure this out without Tony. It wasn't anything against Bruce and his seven PhDs, it was just that this seemed more up Tony's alley. He wondered if he groveled and begged and flattered Tony enough, the man would find pity for Steve and agree.

After all, this was all Steve had now.

While Cassie helped Scott over to a chair, Steve finally let himself ease in his position. As Natasha wrote something down on her notepad and Bruce tinkered around with the panel, Steve decided that he needed some air.

Taking his phone out of his pocket, Steve scrolled through his contacts. Knowing that it shouldn't be such a deal to call Tony up. Sure, their relationship wasn't the steadiest. But when was it ever? No, this hesitation was because he didn't want to take Tony away from his retirement. He didn't want Tony to come back because he knew that he wouldn't want someone to call him to return either.

Before he could make a decision, a snazzy, shiny Audi R8 sped up the compound drive. And considering there was only one person that would ever be so casually ostentatious, Steve couldn't help but breathe a little easier.

"Why the long face? Besides looking like you just lost a lumberjack little league game?" Tony asked as he climbed out of the car and causing Steve to glance down at his 3/4 sleeve Henley white-red shirt. Arrogantly, Tony assumed, "Let me guess: he turned into a baby."

"Among other things, yeah," Steve admitted. Crossing his arms along his chest, he questioned, "What are you doing here?"

Ignoring Steve's question, Tony walked around to the back of the car and explained, "That's the EPR Paradox. Instead of pushing Lang through time, you might've wound up pushing time through Lang. It's tricky. Dangerous. Someone should've cautioned you against it."

"You did," Steve confirmed, half-annoyed with the intelligent man, but mostly grateful for him being there.

"Oh, I did," Tony mocked, "Thank god, I'm here."

Playfully, Steve rolled his eyes, but he didn't interject. No, he knew Tony well enough to know that the man wanted to gloat some more.

Sure enough, Tony held up his hand, to show the back of it and the small watch-like device as he confirmed, "Regardless, I fixed it. A fully functioning Time-Space GPS." Dropping his hand, Tony's expression twisted into a more somber one as he confessed, "I just want peace. Turns out, resentment is corrosive, and I hate it."

"Me too," Steve conceded, feeling so hopeful that he could feel the tears prickling in the corners of his eyes.

"We got a shot at getting these stones, but I gotta tell you my priorities," Tony started, causing Steve to tense. "Bring back what we lost? I hope, yes. Keep what I got? I have to, at all costs. And… maybe not die trying will be nice."

There was absolutely no way that Steve would ever let anything happen to Morgan or Pepper, or Tony. So, it really wasn't difficult for him to agree, "Sounds like a deal."

Turning, Tony reached into the car's trunk and pulled out the shield. The one that Steve had worked so hard to honor. The one that drove a wedge between him and his loved ones. The one that he wasn't sure he could ever wield again.

As Tony held it out to him, Steve hesitated, "Tony…"

"Why? He made it for you," Tony reasoned, pushing it further towards Steve. Teasing, he continued, "Plus, I have to get it out of the garage before Morgan runs off with it again."

Fitting his arm into the straps, Steve smiled up at him, "Thank you, Tony."

Hiding behind humor, Tony joked, "Will you keep that quiet? Didn't bring one for the whole team." Pausing, Tony asked, "We are getting the whole team, yeah?"

"We're working on it," Steve assured with a celebratory smirk.

[manumigoya]

A regular guy’s experience with a military graded phone and why you might want one

The Ulefone Armor 7 Pro is a smartphone designed for adventurers, construction workers and people who are routinely exposed to conditions that would endanger most modern devices. I’m not any of those things, but I still think it was the right choice for me, and it might just suit you too.

What use has a normal guy like me for a phone built to withstand such extreme conditions? I’m no couch potato, I regularly ride my bike to work and back, enjoy the occasional trekking and camping trip and walk around my city a fair bit. Even so, that is a far cry from the kind of person this phone was designed for. 

After all, the Ulefone Armor X7 Pro has a IP-68 and a MIL-STD-810G rating, which means it can literally survive for a day buried under a meter of concrete, withstand half an hour under 1.5 meters of water, its completely sealed to dust or sand, and a bunch of other characteristics you can read about here. Essentially, it’s build to last. 

About this review

This article is not intended to be a thorough technical review of the phone, but rather a list of reasons why I think it might suit you even if you are not the intended target for it. Therefore I will only go through some of the most important specs, highlighting what I personally consider relevant. 

If you wish to know the full technical details you can visit the official Ulefone site or search for a traditional review. If you wish to skip to my conclusion, where I explain why this is also a great phone for normal users, scroll to the end.

Ulefone Armor 7 Pro specs

CPU: Mediatek Helio A20 1.8GHz

RAM: 4Gb

Storage: 32Gb (expandable)

OS: Android 10

Screen: 5’’ 

Back Camera: 13Mbx

Front Camera: 5Mpx

Battery: 4000 mAh

Size: 150 x 78,9 x 14,6 mm

Has NFC

Micro-usb charging

Okay, now that we listed the technical details, let’s consider what each of them brings to the table and how the final product behaves.

Slow and steady

If you are looking for a fast snappy phone with which you can simultaneously scroll through Instagram, watch a video with picture in picture mode, and have a graphic intensive game waiting for you in the background, this isn’t it. Nor is this the price range you should be aiming at. 

The Armor Mediatek Helio A20 processor, with a frequency of 1.8GHz, isn’t anything to write home about. And the 4GB of RAM, though an improvement on previous models, pales in comparison to what even mid-range phones pack these days. 

And you know what? That’s actually perfectly fine. The purpose of this phone isn’t to win any race, but rather to get the job done. And that it does.

I need my phone to perform what has become over the years a pretty basic list of tasks: social media, document editing, internet browsing, music and video streaming, taking some pics, and basic photo and video editing. 

The Ulefone Armor 7 Pro is able to do any of those tasks without issues, even when I need to open two or three apps in the background. Yes, it does get a bit slow or even freezes for a couple of seconds from time to time, but not enough for it to interrupt my experience. 

Battery life

Back when smartphones were a new thing, we used to complain about their battery life bitterly. Habituated to our old not so bright devices whose batteries lasted for days, we felt that the tradeoff wasn’t always worth it. Yes, we were now the proud owners of mind-boggling phones that could perform amazing tasks for us. But use them for a couple of hours and you better find somewhere to charge them (and have the time to wait for that to be done).

Luckily, smartphones are getting better at this by the iteration. With its 4000mAh battery, the Ulefone Armor 7 Pro is just another contender in the race for autonomy. 

According to my digital wellbeing app, I’ve been using it an average of four and a half hours per day. That’s a lot. It actually puts me in the top 20% of screen time, but being excited for my new gadget and having to do this review I feel a bit justified.

Even so, I usually have at least 30% of the battery left when I finish my day, if not more. And, on the occasions I don’t use it as much, I can go two days without having to think about charging.

At a time when we are seeing affordable phones with 5000mAh of battery that can last up to three days without charge and that have better performance, the Armor X7 Pro’s battery life certainly won’t make any headlines, but it’s still a great perk for the price.

The Ulefone X7 Pro camera

As I said, one of the tasks I need my phone to perform on a daily basis is taking pictures. With a 13 megapixels main camera, a 5 megapixel front camera, and pro, night and underwater modes, the Armor X7 Pro it’s barely able to keep up with today’s standards.

I know, I know, nobody is buying it to start a photography career. But still, I was expecting a bit more, even from those low specs. Truth be told, the night mode usually just ruins the colors in most pictures and the pro mode feels terribly lacking. I still haven’t tried the underwater mode.

The first picture is taken on normal mode, the second with night mode. This kind of open dimly light landscape is the only instance where I found the night mode actually improved the result.

Pro tip: make sure to disable the Ulefone watermark, as I clearly didn’t.

Normal mode:

With night mode:

If your only purpose is to take casual photos for your personal social media, then the Armor X7 Pro will do the trick, but anything more than that and you will need to look somewhere else.

Other details and utilities

There’s a lot to say about this phone. From its unique set of apps to its thick rubber encasing. But, for the sake of brevity, I’ll just go through some of the features that I have noticed more in its daily usage.

Custom button

After using Motorola -and it’s amazing gestures- for years, I was afraid I would have too much of a hard time getting used to another brand. Luckily the Ulefone Armor X7 Pro comes with a custom key on its left side that can be programmed to do up to three different tasks. I have it set just to two: opening the camera and the flashlight. Simple, but incredibly useful.

NFC

A surprising number of middle-range phones lack this feature. But not the Armor X7 Pro, and I’m incredibly grateful for it. 

Headphone Jack lids

In order to withstand an hour under 1.2 meters of water, the phone is completely sealed off. That includes the headphone jack, the charger plug, and the sim tray, which are all protected by thick rubber lids. Unfortunately, said lids are difficult to open without the dedicated tool Ulefone includes in the package. 

This tool, while useful, is rather small and prone to getting lost. I have resorted to knives, forks, screwdrivers, and other such tools to open them, including my own nails (which I do not recommend). 

Sadly, on a couple of occasions where my nails were trimmed and I had nothing pointy with me, I could open the headphone jack at all and resigned myself to just listening to the surroundings. 

Though I understand the importance of this protection, I wish Ulefone had thought about some way of opening these lids without that tool. Or maybe even a way to carry it in the phone itself without fear of losing it.

Speakers

Oh my god are they loud! I really haven’t used my wireless speakers since I have this phone. Of course, it doesn’t have the same quality or sound level, but it’s more than enough for most situations.

Why I recommend the Ulefone Armor X7 Pro

Simply put, this is a phone for people that don’t want to worry at all about their phones. Which isn’t a new concept at all. The market for minimalist phones is growing as people realize that some device’s specs are so good they end up getting into the way of life.

And, while the Armor X7 Pro probably wasn’t designed with this in mind, it achieves it in an awesome and unique way. 

First of all, its specs are good enough for the vast majority of tasks people normally need their phones to perform, while at the same time not being so appealing that they demand your constant attention. 

Use it normally and you’ll have no problems, use it intensely and its shortcomings will start to annoy you. It might not be ideal, but it’s a great way to reduce your screen time (at least when you don’t have to write a review about it).

On the other hand, its ridiculous resistance to water, falls, pressure, and temperature, makes it so I don’t have to worry about breaking the thing. I’m not a particularly clumsy person, but I have been known to break a phone or two, so this is important to me. 

Now, with the Armor X7 Pro, I just leave my phone anywhere, with almost no worries about its safety. If it can go through the 29 tests needed to get the  MIL-STD-810G certification, It can withstand a fall while I’m riding my bike, the playful (and sticky) hands of my nephews, or having a pint of beer accidentally poured over it on a Friday night.

As long as it doesn’t get stolen, it will probably be with me for however long I want it to. 

And I got all of this for just over a 100 euros on eBay -you can get it cheaper in Banggood, if you are willing to wait a bit longer. Really, I don’t think theres another phone that can deliver all of this by that price.

[autumnslance]

Lmao I got three I'm particularly curious about for you on the character meme. Thancred, Lahabrea, Igeyorhm. XD Feel free to do as many or as few as you'd like of course!

You asked for it. We’ll start with That Damned Rogue. The Ascians will be below.

This of course got long, so behind a cut it goes:

Thancred

First impression: I started in Gridania and took like 2 years to finish ARR 2.0, was already spoiled on the possession angle (I spoiled myself, no big), and had just @erickgage‘s affectionate joking summary of Thancred being the guy who shows up 5 minutes late with Starbucks to all the early battles. So I didn’t really get to meet the guy ‘til the Waking Sands.

And honestly, he was stereotypical generic bland anime prettyboy competent guy. His 1.0/ARR model is…just sorta there. He was a flirt, also generic as heck. Really didn’t register too much, until I finished 2.0 finally and then went hard on the MSQ through the patches and into HW and StB 4.0, when I finally caught up to content.

Impression now: Godsdammit.

My first replay through the game was on PunchyCat, starting in Ul’dah, which meant I got to meet Thancred much earlier. I was immediately amused by his nickname for Nanamo, and Papashan’s assessment of the witty Archon. I was more into the lore, getting the first lorebook and reading the short stories on the main site, and playing through all at once instead of piecemeal over months/years made things make more sense. Thancred hits a lot of tropes I commonly like in a lot of characters, so he jumped up to being a favorite.

Gunbreaker suits him as a tank job (thank goodness he can stop trying to tank warmachina as a rogue, ffs Thancred), and tanking in general suits him when it comes to fighting for those he cares about.

I’m interested in the ShB story mentioning why he wears white in all his gear iterations; I’d previously made a post about his color choices and that aspect of character design, but having a lore explanation for his affinity for that color was interesting. I didn’t think his HW model suited him, honestly; way too rough mountain man hobo. His model in ShB is closer to his ARR model, but different enough, and imbued now with actual character, that he’s a bit more visually interesting and while still pretty typical handsome anime protagonist in appearance; his true personality just comes through a lot more.

I’m still forever mad about the unintentional character ‘ship with Aeryn, tho. It took a 3rd playthrough for it to happen.

For myself, mind, when I got into playing and learned his canonical age, it was at the time the same difference between myself and my younger brother. My assessment of the Scion “family” with Thancred being the middle child (esp his behavior pre-HW) maybe helps that. I’m getting to a point, really, where I look at the characters under 35 and think “OMG disaster children, all of you.”

Favorite moment: Oh goodness. There’s some good ones.

‘How was I supposed to know all my girlfriends would track me down and show up at HQ all at the same time: a master class in how to not to deal with multiple paramours by Archon T. Waters.’

His dramatic reappearance and duel with Ardbert in HW 3.1.

Taking out his frustrations by soloing the Coerthas cyclops boss so we can get on with the Tournament and fight Raubahn. (Side Bonus: pre-tournament when he jokes about fighting for the other team to even up the odds, and then: “It looks to be a veritable who’s who of the Eorzean Alliance. The only question is: who came to watch and who came to fight? Hmm…Nanamo. Definitely Nanamo.”)

Making sure Urianger knew he was still part of the team post-Soul Surrender climax.

“All right, which one of you triggered the obvious trap?” Also learning he can hold his breath for 10 freaking minutes–but still gets to be jealous of the WoL, Lyse, and Alisaie for their kojin blessing.

That dramatic teamwork with Urianger to knock Ran’jit down the pit in Rak’tika.

That frickin’ Trolley duty and it’s aftermath with the completed checklist of anime death markers and then just sitting there battered and bleeding and smiling and then giving Ryne a name and a headpat and “You’re family.” Bastard.

Idea for a story: Have you seen my Ao3 account? *grumbles*

Unpopular opinion: While he likely used drinking as a bad coping mechanism at times in ARR’s patches, I doubt he ever really went to blackout, as losing control to that extent, after having been controlled and probably losing a lot of time while possessed, would be awful. We see him drink a few times, but I don’t think he is/was an alcoholic.

I also agree with @ahlis-xiv that his flirtatious persona was mostly adopted. While he probably does have a healthy libido and enjoys time with paramours (that Urianger keeps a handy list of), there’s a lot that’s likely exaggerated, allowed to be assumed, and otherwise used as a cover, given his specializations. It’s also noteworthy how he’s mostly acting the same even after being lost in the wilderness, right up until our foray into the Antitower. The wit/humor gets toned down a lot, but the flirting is cut out entirely after that. He still charms some ladies in the First, based on incidental dialogue, but that seems a general reaction to him being a handsome hero type rather than any intentional flirtatious act on his part.

Favorite relationship: Thancred and little sister types. I do wish we’d seen more of his relationship with Minfilia outside of informed moments and the short stories. I feel like he has a semi-older-brother relationship with Lyse, too, given their antics in the 2.0 patches (particularly the “Hoary’s fighting the WoL, come watch!” and Thancred not even considering how one of his girlfriends would see him sending Lyse to retrieve an item until after and going “oh yeah, whoops”). And now there’s Ryne, and she is totally running things if you watch their background conversations/body language. But that’s kind of where Thancred likes it; find a girl who needs a protective older brother and do what she asks and whatever she needs.

I do have a special place in my heart for the expanded broship with Urianger that Shadowbringers gave us, though. I’ve already spoken on that one.

Favorite headcanon: Everything people assume about how he spoils the nutkin. And really, focusing on taking care of and doting on a pet would be good therapy. Goodness knows he needs it.

Also I assume he and Hilda hooked up at least once during the HW patches. Part of that expectation and cover, sure, to immediately flirt with the pretty, tough, half-elezen guard captain. But also, he spent however long mostly alone, and then only with the Vath and a nutkin for company; the guy was probably touch-starved and lonely and just needing a connection to another person he could relate to (that wasn’t a bug).

Otherwise, again, have you seen my Ao3? Ugh. Damned snarky smart rogues…

————

Lahabrea

First impression: Laughing Organization XIII-wannabe is obvious villain. Wonder what their deal is.

Impression now: So much lost/wasted potential thanks to being stuck as the ARR villain when it was so hastily rewritten and acted, and so little was decided on the Ascians and their motivations yet. A lot of what we learn now retroactively makes him more interesting. The fact he was a workaholic who looked at the workaholic Scion and went “ah yes; that one will do, perfect” makes me laugh.

Favorite moment: I like his interactions with Elidibus. And I am actually fairly fond of his theatrical reveal in Praetorium about the Ultima Weapon, the Heart of Sabik, and casting Ultima.

Idea for a story: Maybe stuff while he’s possessing Thancred. Maybe stuff between then and the Reactor. I dunno; I’ve been enjoying a lot of others’ stories about our first Ascian antagonist.

Unpopular opinion: Dunno if this is unpopular, but some of the retroactive information is to excuse why he seemed so much less powerful than other, later Ascians, but I do think the Speaker could be quite devious and powerful, if he had better writing around him. He suffers for being from ARR.

Favorite relationship: I am not ashamed to admit I am a Lahabrea/Igeyorhm shipper and Hades Ex seems to agree with me so there.

Favorite headcanon: The Speaker likely also had a good singing voice. Another thing good about possessing a man whose primary cover was a bard–excuses to indulge that.

————

Igeyorhm

First impression: Wannabe-Organization XIII also hires women, cool. Wonder if she’ll get to do anything?

Impression now: I’m sad so much got cut from HW; as great as it was, a lot got left on the editing room floor and it shows in spots–particularly where the Ascians connect with the plot. We learn much about her retroactively as well, including how she worked for/with Lahabrea thanks to being the one to wreck the Thirteenth, and change Ascian policy on how to bring about Rejoinings. I still wanna know more about her.

Favorite moment: You beat the whale, good job–thanks, that’s my key now. It’s such a perfect dick move. Excellent timing and taunting. 

Idea for a story: Maybe some of her inner thoughts working for/with Lahabrea. She was a raised up shard, so does that mean they found the scattered pieces of her original soul and force-merged them? I doubt it, since Emet-Selch mentions raising up those who are a piece of the previous office holder, but I wonder if it came with imbuing the new title-holder with some of those memories and knowledge. Perhaps she wonders if some of her interactions/feelings/whatever with Lahabrea are her own, or her tapping into her previous life’s memories. Something to think about, anyway.

Unpopular opinion: I dunno, she shoulda gotten to stick around longer? Or been allowed to do a lot more? Should have been much more of a presence in HW, but I don’t think that’s unpopular so much as unconsidered.

Favorite relationship: Lahabrea is really the only one she gets significant interactions with. Though I wonder about her interactions with the other few women in the Ascians.

Favorite headcanon: See above with the story ideas, really; she didn’t get a lot of time onscreen so there’s a lot of room to make things up, and retroactive info from ShB to make her more interesting, or at least her situation as an upraised Ascian.