#yes those are actually photos of the eras tour

[shipsnthenight]

No one: "How much of your time are you willing to invest to work on something that, if someone had made it for your fandom when you were 15, you would still be on the floor crying 15 years later?" Me: "Yes."

---

She had no right, guys. Taylor had no fucking right. Not in the exact moment when my brain was playing around with Modern Day AUs for Cait and Vi. Don't think I've ever worked this hard on a fandom project.

And just so you know, this is NOT the end. Actually... it's just the initial concept. More things will come but in due time, the other half of my brain and I are on it.

[fanficlolsblog]

THE FAN

back to my main masterlist

pairing: fem!reader x taylor swift

summary: y/n, a dedicated swiftie, runs a popular social media account showcasing her edits and paintings of taylor swift. after being noticed by taylor nation, she’s invited to the eras tour. throughout the concert, y/n repeatedly catches taylor’s eye, leaving her flustered. backstage, taylor compliments y/n’s art and admits she couldn’t stop looking at her during the show. as y/n leaves, taylor runs after her to ask for her phone number, making the night even more surreal.

warnings: fluff, romantic tension, other than that none.

a/n: I also posted this story on wattpad at loversxoxoxo if you would like to check it out for more of my writing! thanks for reading my loves :))

w/c: 1.2k+

Being a Swiftie was more than just a phase for me. I’d always admired Taylor Swift’s storytelling and artistry, and I found ways to channel that admiration through my own creativity. I started editing photos, creating aesthetic video clips, and eventually started painting portraits of her—my small way of contributing to the fandom. I poured my heart into every post, and the account took off, gathering thousands of followers who resonated with my love for Taylor.

One day, something happened that made my entire world flip upside down. I posted one of my newest paintings—a portrait of Taylor in her “Folklore” era, surrounded by soft, muted colors and imagery—and Taylor Nation liked it. I screamed when I saw the notification, but what happened next nearly made me faint.

I got a DM from Taylor Nation. A DM. They told me they’d been following my account and loved the edits and paintings I’d been doing, and they invited me to the upcoming Eras Tour show. I couldn’t breathe. Was this real life? Me, going to see Taylor Swift perform live, invited by Taylor Nation?

The day of the concert arrived, and I could hardly contain myself. When I arrived at the stadium, I was blown away by how close I was to the stage—practically in the front row. The energy was electric, and I felt like I was floating the entire time. I took a moment to take it all in, trying to convince myself that this was actually happening.

Then the lights dimmed, and Taylor appeared, beginning her set with “Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince.” The crowd screamed, and I was caught up in the magic of it all. But then something strange happened during “My Tears Ricochet.” Taylor was performing her emotional choreography, and when she lay on the ground, her head snapped up—and she locked eyes with me.

My heart stuttered. She couldn’t be looking at me, right? There were thousands of people here. But the moment was unmistakable. She held my gaze for just a beat too long, and I felt my face heat up. I told myself it was a coincidence, but a part of me couldn’t shake the feeling.

Throughout the night, it happened again and again. During “Vigilante Shit,” when she sang with that intense, sultry energy, I caught her glancing in my direction—multiple times. Every time our eyes met, my heart raced a little faster. She couldn’t be singling me out, could she?

As the concert went on, I tried to focus on the music, but I kept catching Taylor’s eyes on me, her gaze lingering in a way that made my stomach do flips. I wasn’t imagining it. Every time she looked at me, a small smile played on her lips, and it felt like there was something more behind those glances.

After the show, when I was still floating on the high of the night, one of the Taylor Nation reps came over to me. “Taylor wants to meet you,” they said casually, as if they hadn’t just dropped a bomb on my world.

I was led backstage, my nerves a chaotic mess, trying to wrap my head around what was happening. I was about to meet Taylor Swift in person. Before I could fully process the moment, she walked into the room, looking radiant even after the intense concert.

“Hey!” she said, her voice warm and familiar. “You’re Y/N, right?”

I stammered out a yes, trying to keep my cool. Taylor smiled and took a step closer. “I’ve seen your posts. Your paintings are incredible. I’m obsessed with them. And your edits? Seriously, you have such an eye for this stuff.”

I blinked, trying to comprehend the fact that Taylor Swift had seen my work—liked my work.

Then, as if to throw me off completely, she added, “You know, I recognized you from the stage tonight.” My heart skipped a beat. “It was hard to keep my eyes off you,” she said, her voice dropping just a little, her eyes twinkling. I felt my face heat up, trying to process what was happening.

I laughed nervously, unsure if she was joking. “Wait, really? I thought I was just imagining things.”

Taylor smiled, a little more playfully now. “Oh, you definitely weren’t imagining it. I noticed you during ‘My Tears Ricochet’—you were right there, looking so shocked. It was cute.” She was teasing me now, and I didn’t know whether to laugh or melt.

I felt a blush creeping up my cheeks as she kept her gaze locked on mine, and I could swear there was a little bit of a flirtatious glint in her eyes. “I just… I mean, I didn’t expect you to even see me, let alone… notice me.”

“How could I not?” she said softly, her eyes scanning my face for just a second too long. “You stood out.”

We talked for a few more minutes, and I could feel the tension between us—the way her words were laced with something more than just casual conversation. She kept complimenting my work, my creativity, even the way I’d blushed earlier during the concert.

As I left that night, my mind was spinning. Had I just spent the evening catching Taylor Swift’s attention—both on stage and off? It felt like a dream, but the way she looked at me, the way she had spoken to me… it was something more than I could have ever expected.

As I walked out of the venue, my mind still spinning from everything that had happened, I tried to catch my breath. Meeting Taylor, hearing her say that she had noticed me on stage, that she couldn’t keep her eyes off me—it was all too much. I couldn’t stop replaying every glance, every word she’d said, wondering if I had misread the whole situation. Maybe she was just being nice… right?

I was almost at the exit when I heard footsteps behind me, quicker than the steady flow of fans leaving the show. I glanced over my shoulder, and my heart stopped when I saw Taylor—Taylor Swift—hurrying toward me, a look of determination on her face.

“Hey, wait!” she called out, slightly out of breath as she caught up with me. I turned fully to face her, trying to process what was happening.

“Taylor?” I asked, my voice shaky with disbelief.

She smiled, a little sheepish, as if she hadn’t just sprinted across a stadium to catch up with me. “I, uh, forgot to ask for your number,” she said, her voice soft but teasing, like it was the most natural thing in the world. “If you’re okay with that?”

For a second, I just stood there, frozen in place. Taylor Swift wanted my phone number. I blinked, trying to make sure I wasn’t dreaming, but she stood there, waiting patiently, her eyes never leaving mine.

“Oh! Yeah, of course,” I stammered, fumbling to unlock my phone and hand it to her. My heart was racing again, my pulse pounding in my ears.

Taylor took my phone, her fingers brushing against mine as she quickly entered her number and handed it back to me. “Text me sometime,” she said, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “I’d love to see more of your work… and maybe, you know, hang out?”

My brain short-circuited. I nodded, too overwhelmed to form a proper response, but the grin on Taylor’s face told me she understood.

With one last playful glance, she gave me a small wave and turned back toward the venue, leaving me standing there with my phone clutched in my hand, my heart racing faster than ever. As she disappeared into the crowd, I looked down at my screen. Taylor Swift was in my contacts, and I could barely believe it.

What had started as a dream night just became the most surreal experience of my life.

[cwritesforfun]

Logan Huntzberger x Fem!Reader: Eras Tour

You’re a huge Swiftie and Logan is your boyfriend of 2 years. He surprised you with floor tickets to her show at MetLife Stadium. He even told you that he thought about suite tickets, but he knew you would want to be closer to the stage.

Idea from TikTok lol -- hiiiiiii Swifties hehe

I have drafts of Finn imagines if anyone wants them ... lol

Taylor Swift lyrics are in bold and Italics ... I also do not own those.

** I do not own the Gilmore Girls characters **

Y/N’s POV

“Today actually might be the best day of my life,” you say to your boyfriend, Logan. Logan kisses you on the cheek and says, “Actually, I think the best day is anywhere we’re together.” You laugh, spin in his arms to face you, and kiss him before saying, “I genuinely love you so much for the tickets to the Eras Tour and for dressing up with me.” He replies, “Of course baby. I’ll forever be the Heartbreak Prince to your Miss Americana although I will never break your heart.”

Cue your heart swooning at this man <3

You smile and say, “We’re going to look so good. Part of the whole reason I chose this outfit is because you are hot in suits.” He kisses you on the cheek saying, “Baby baby my ego is going through the roof. You are making me feel on top of the world right now and we’re not even married.”

He’s always mentioning marriage?!

You reply, “Fine… today is the best day of my life so far.” He kisses me on the cheek and asks, “Are you ready to go over?” You nod and watch as he pats his coat pockets three times before you head out of the hotel. Guess he didn't want to forget his wallet? lol, you can pay too...

Logan pays for one of those pedi cabs (bikes with carriages) to take you to the stadium. You still have to walk a lot to get to the line where you wait for the doors to open. You really don't mind walking, but sometimes Logan just likes to spend his money and treat you both to nice things. You and Logan just talk until you get to go in.

You meet people in line and as you make your way into the stadium. People compliment you and Logan’s outfits. You even trade friendship bracelets with people. You’re on top of the world. Truly nothing could make this day better.

You both get in line for merch where Logan tells you to buy anything and everything you want. You try not to go too crazy, but Taylor Swift is your favorite artist. It’s hard not to want to buy everything there. Haha!!! Logan even buys a shirt for himself.

You then go grab food and drinks to enjoy during the openers/before the openers even start.

Gayle opens and is amazing. You scream “abcefu” so loud!!!!

Phoebe Bridgers is up next and you nearly cry seeing her. She is stunning live.

Logan runs to the bathroom and you wait for it to start. He returns and you take some more photos together.

The countdown begins and you scream your heart out!!!!!!!!! This is the dream!!!!! THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE!!!!1

Taylor Swift comes out in a new Lover outfit and she's stunning.

YOU SCREAM THE LYRICS ALL LOVER SET!!!!!!!!! Logan sings along to Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince, obviously. But, he also knows Cruel Summer and Lover.

Fearless era starts and you notice Logan looking at you nervously. You lean over to him and ask, "Are you okay?" He nods and kisses your cheek.

You sing You Belong With Me to Logan and he keeps kissing your hand.

Love Story starts... Logan wraps his arms around your shoulders and whispers in your ear, "You're my favorite love story that I will ever have. I love you so much." You say back, "And you're my favorite love story too." When Taylor sings... He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring And said, Marry me, Juliet ... You feel your hand being pulled and you see Logan on his knees in front of you with a ring in his hand.

Logan asks, "Will you marry me?" You answer, "Yes!" He slides the ring on your finger before kissing you. You hear cheers around you and you feel amazing. This day truly keeps getting better and better. You cannot believe it.

evermore starts... Taylor shows up in another new outfit causing you to freak out for the millionth time of the day. Logan screams champagne problems as he should because his ex, Rory, was so rude. I hate her. Marjorie makes you start crying because you remember the loss of your grandmother so vividly and it hurts. Logan hugs you during the song and you even both sit down for the rest of the song.

Reputation is amazing live ... Taylor Swift can do no wrong. Logan asks if he can have a private performance of Dress later because Taylor didn't perform it causing you to blush.

Enchanted is beautiful and you nearly cry.

Red slays... period Queen Taylor Swift Phoebe Bridgers walks out for Nothing New, which is one of your favorite vault tracks. If it's not one of yours, you're clearly not the oldest daughter... I said what I said.

folklore is beautiful... The graphics on the screen behind her and the cabin are so amazing!!!! my tears ricochet nearly makes you cry again.

1989 starts... Logan is living for it. He screams every song. He once told you that it was one of his favorite eras from Taylor Swift.

TIME FOR SURPRISE SONGS!!!

Taylor premieres the Karma music video with Ice Spice live causing you to freak out. It's stunning. Taylor Swift is so pretty in it.

Getaway Car is the first one and you love it so much. You belt your heart out as does Logan. He has told you about a time with a getaway car before... not one of his proudest moments ... so he says...

Maroon is the next surprise song and you love it so much. This one means a lot to you and was one of your first favorite songs off of Midnights.

(Adding a Taylor Swift gif because duh)

Midnights begins ... you love this era!!! You're so happy that Taylor released more pop music. You're a pop girlie through and through. Logan asks for a reenactment of Vigilante Sh** later... oh...

Ice Spice walks out ... you scream!!! It's amazing!!!

Everyone is continuing to trade bracelets as you leave the stadium and you make Logan walk back with you to the hotel. You stop at a pizza place near the hotel on the way back and bring food back to the hotel room.

As you eat in the hotel room, it dawns on you that you saw Taylor Swift live at the Eras Tour and ... you got engaged... holy sh** !!!

You ask, "Wanna know something crazy, baby?" Logan answers, "What?" You answer, "We're engaged." He smiles, kisses you on the cheek, and says, "Yeah we are. You're okay that I did it there, right?" You answer, "Of course. You made a great day even better." He smiles and says, "Good, I didn't want to ruin the Eras Tour for you or make you uncomfortable. I was also worried you wouldn't say yes." You reply, "I'm not your ex, babe. I love you and want to be with you forever and ever. You're my my my my LOVER." He replies, "I love you so much, babe. I have a whole speech written out that I wanted to read to you. I know the concert wasn't the place for it, but I figured we could go out to the country club this weekend and we can take pictures where I can say it." You reply, "I love that idea. I can't wait for it. Thank you for being the best fiancé in the entire world." He kisses you on the cheek and says, "You're welcome. Thanks for being the best future wife in the entire world. How does Y/N Huntzberger sound to you?" You smile and answer, "I love it a lot." He smirks and asks, "Wanna show me how much?" You playfully slap him and ... yeah you know ...

teehee sorry, most of this was just the Eras Tour... but also sorry not sorry lol ...

[nicksbestie]

can you write something where michael and reader go to the eras tour in paris? i just think it would be really cute and maybe the surprise song is the one michael proposed to you with :)

Paper Rings

word count : 1264

warnings : none

<3

Tonight was the night.

You and Michael had managed to get tickets for the Paris Eras Tour show, and there had been next to nothing you were more excited for. It had nearly topped Michael’s excitement over his own upcoming tour, and that was a feat to behold. However, you had no idea that there would be more surprises to come that night. As classic as it was, you both were going with the “Miss Americana and The Heartbreak Prince” costumes, feeling it was appropriate. You were both so happy with the way that the outfits had come out, and were nearly bouncing off the walls with excitement as you woke up that morning. 

Concerts were obviously a big part of your life, with your boyfriend being in a band and being on tour a lot. Even before meeting him you had always loved live music, and with everything being shut down for so long, you were excited to finally get back to it, especially in such a big way with seeing Taylor Swift. The pre-show anxiety was always really heavy but you were so ready this time that it outweighed it. You had spent weeks planning out how you were going to do every little thing, and unbeknownst to you, so had Michael, just in his own little ways. 

You had both followed all of the shows so far, seeing all of the surprise songs, groaning at losses of your favorites but cheering at some of the ones that had remained safe. The small amount of Reputation and Lover songs being played as surprise songs worried you a little bit that they wouldn’t be played at your show, but you knew that you’d love whatever you did get as your songs. Besides, you were seeing her in Paris, so you were insanely lucky to even get to go, and you couldn’t really complain. 

Waking up in the hotel room that morning, you’d normally want to spend some time curled up, cuddling with Michael, having those sweet, soft, early-morning moments, but not today. You wanted to be ready, as quickly as possible. You had lower bowl tickets, so you didn’t have to get in line or anything for your seats, because there was no pit at the shows, it was all seated, which took a lot of stress off of you. However, you still wanted to be ready as soon as you could because you wanted good photos before you looked like a wreck, a good spot in merch lines, and more. 

Michael was just as ready, he had actually been up before you, practically up before the sun was. He had big plans today, and didn’t want to risk you finding out anything about it, knowing that it would ruin his entire surprise. So, he pawned it off as just pure excitement for the show, knowing that you, also being insanely upbeat, would take it as a response easily. Which was exactly what he told you when you asked why he had been up for hours already, quietly slipping the small black box into his back pocket until he could move it to a safer spot without you seeing. 

Yes, he was planning to propose. He wanted to do it at just the right time, but he hadn’t figured out when yet. He knew that he was doing it at some point that night, hoping for a really fitting surprise song so that he could do it then, but if they didn’t get a fitting love song and instead got a sad song, he would do it during Bejeweled, most likely. He felt like the jewels fit the scenario of him giving you a ring, and he couldn’t keep the smile off of his face as he thought about. 

Somehow he was able to keep it a secret for almost a month now, not having told anyone, including his band. This was just a you thing, something very special to you and him, and he wanted to keep it that way as long as he possibly could. So, he tried his best to make sure that nothing slipped through the cracks, and he had succeeded so far. He knew this was going to be the best night of his life, because while he was very anxious about asking you to marry him, he knew deep down that you would say yes. 

The time between getting ready and leaving for the show passed so quickly, spending nearly the whole time laughing with each other, talking, doing makeup, and making sure that you ate beforehand. Concerts were very draining in energy, so you made sure you water, and all of your items in your clear bag, including bracelets that didn’t fit on your wrists, portable chargers, hair ties, and more random things you decided you might need. Being with Michael, who was fairly forgetful, you had become the master of “just in case”. You finally left, the excitement continuing to build and build as you got closer to the venue. 

– 

The show was going amazingly. You were nearly to the surprise song part, having a wonderful time. You’d traded armfuls of bracelets, knowing that they were possibly cutting into your circulation but just not caring. You were having way too much fun to spend time worrying about it, and you couldn’t even deal with the feeling of anticipation when you realized the last song before the surprise songs were starting. Michael was planning to pop the question during the second one, hoping for two love songs. The grin on his face nearly split wide open when he heard the opening notes of “Mine”, his hope flaring. 

The both of you spent the song wrapped up in each other, singing your hearts out, you were crying at some point, both from joy, love, and maybe a mixture of other things that you couldn’t decipher, but you still were having the time of your life. Your hand brushed against Michael’s back pocket, eyebrows furrowing in question as you wondered what he could have in there, considering that it was lumpy. But, as Taylor began speaking before introducing the next surprise song, you didn’t think about it any more. Michael didn’t think that the night could get more perfect or that his luck could’ve gotten any better when the first verse hit his ears. Clearly, the universe was on his side. 

“The moon was high, like your friends were the night that we first met…” 

You screamed in delight, holding onto Michael’s hand as you jumped around, dancing, singing, placing a kiss on his cheek, absolutely losing your mind but in a good way. You were so caught up in the moment that you didn’t notice Michael’s hand slipping from your grip, nor did you notice him crouching down, dropping to a knee. The people around you noticed first, shaking your shoulder and screaming, pointing at him. You turned to look, the tears flowing even harder as you realized what was happening. 

“I can’t give a speech here, but will you marry me?”

“Michael!” 

His face was so red under the lights, blush creeping down to his neck as he anxiously awaited your answer. You frantically nodded, just being able to get out a “Yes!” between the sobs. He slipped the ring onto your finger, standing up and kissing you. As you broke apart, you smiled, him wiping the tears off of your face, his smile getting even bigger as you spoke, looking at the ring. 

“Just so you know, I would’ve said yes to a paper ring.”

[crystalromana]

Apocryphia Bipedium- Ian Potter

[FIXED THE WONKY MOBILE EDITING. >.< IT LOOKED FINE ON DESKTOP]

[I am obsessed with this short trip so I had to bring it to Tumblr. Yes I did just copy and paste this page by page out of the pdf and formatted it. I think about it all the time. Anyway.

Apocrypha Bipedium takes place in the gap between Time of the Daleks and Neverland. Enjoy]

A Suggestive Correlation of The Cressida Manuscripts with other Anomalous Texts of the Pre-Animarian Era as proposed for Collective Consideration by Historiographic Speculator Anctloddoton.

In my selection and placement of the following extracts from the literature of the extinct worlds, I have attempted to draw suggestive parallels between some of the Problem Texts of the humanoid cultures. Obviously, the records of those times are now so fragmentary that any conclusions we draw from the surviving evidence must remain speculative. We cannot know what evidence we are missing, thus the linking of events posited by the presentation of these documents must remain a tentative hypothesis at best.

HS A From The Primary Cressida Document – Suppressed Texts of the Vatican Library, A Mysteria Press Original, 2973 CE.

The past is another country, the Doctor used to say. By which I suppose he meant it’s a nice place to visit but you wouldn’t want to live there, and you can have real problems with customs when you arrive.

I grew up in the future myself, which makes living in the past tricky at times. Liverpool was a great place to grow up if you were into the past though. It was full of it; the Campus Manor theme park, the castle, the Beatles Memorial Theatre, The Saint Francis of Fazakerley Museum, the Carl Jung Dream Tour, Post-Industrial Land and all those cathedrals, you were tripping over history everywhere. Mummy’s parents came from there too, so it was practically like we knew reallife olden days people.

It was much better than Liddell Towers where we lived in New London – most of the history near there seemed to be about some silly girl who’d let a professor of sums take photos of her and fell down a rabbit hole, or about those awful Daleks wiping out Southern England with mines and things. Much duller and hardly any variety in the rides at all.

Here in the actual olden days there’s not much past anywhere, just loads of future, and the rides are even less fun, all carts and donkeys and hardly any roads. We’re moving again, you see, dear diary. Even though the conquering Greeks don’t really seem to want to colonise any of Asia Minor themselves they don’t seem to want any Trojans settling back down anywhere round here either. They’ve occupied what’s left of the city, I suspect mainly so Menelaus can find all the expensive bits of Helen’s jewellery she seems to have mislaid, and seem keen we don’t hang about too nearby. Mymiddon Hoplites apologetically move us on now and again, clearly wondering when they can decently be allowed back home to start fighting amongst themselves again, and so we pack up and move. Some of their chaps are still feeling rather tetchy for no good reason apparently. Troilus says there’s a silly rumour going around that some terrible woman, probably a goddess, went around whipping up aggression amongst the Greeks a few years ago by magic, leaving marks on their necks that mean they can’t calm down!

It doesn’t make any sense to me. I think I might just be getting the cleaned up version of a soldier’s tale actually. I think that happens with me a lot. People treat me like a silly little girl sometimes, which isn’t really fair when I come from the future and know all sorts of things they don’t. I’m an adult now, even if not being born yet does make me about minus four thousand officially.

I don’t think Agamemnon’s Greeks really know what to do now to be honest, and after a decade’s anticipation I don’t think the trade routes or the princess they were sacking Troy to get are quite as good as they were hoping. I think they’re just hanging around stopping us settling down and looking for lost costume jewellery until they can think of something better to do. Some of the Ithacans are moaning it’ll be another decade before any of them get home at this rate. Bless them.

Running out of room, dear diary. Will write more when I have some new goats’ hides.

From Not Necessarily the Way I Do It! The True Confessions of a Ka Faraq Gatri not just written for the money when trapped on a primitive planet and needing cash to buy parts by ‘Snail’, Boxwood Books, 300 AGB.

Of course the hairy kangaroo had been at the mind rubbers and didn’t even realise the sword was there! How we laughed. Terrible namedropper, Zodin, but worth her weight in soufflé all the same

Naturally enough, mention of name-dropping reminds me of another anecdote, this one relating to dear old Bill Shakespeare, one of the finest writers and most atrocious spellers of any age. I’ve met him several times now and hope to again if I ever get off this pre-warp- engineering dustball. The last time was during that sticky business with poor Kitty Marlowe and those Psionovores from Neddy Kelley’s old scrying glass that I related in Chapter 9, but perhaps our most awkward misadventure together was the time I introduced him to some of his own characters, who included, as it happened, a dear, dear friend of mine.

From The Dairy of an Edwardian Adventuress by Charlotte Elspeth Bollard, Library of Kar-Charrat. The work, having suffered some worm damage in the Great 2107 AD Cock Up, is presented here in the Elgin decorruption.

Travelling with Wilf and the Doctor was a curious experienced already felt somewhat out of sorts with time, having discovered my very existence was making history split in two, but sharing a home with a boy from the 16th Century and a man who seemed to come from nowhere so much as his own imagination, merely heightened my feeling that I no longer belonged to any era.

We three fellow time travellers had so very little in common beyond having all read the plays the boy had not yet written that the small talk had been small indeed, and, after a few days of the Doctor failing to get Wilf home, the atmosphere had become a little tense.

Wilf, it further transpired, had difficulty reading anything written in more modern Anglish than his own, which meant there had been little of a literary nature to distract him during his sojourn with us once he had read and re-read the Doctor’s picture books about Frinchs, Sneetches, Ooblecks and Cats in Hams.

Thankfully, towards the end of Wilf’s stay with us the Doctor had discovered a futuristic version of Lido called Peter Pan Pop-O-Matic Frustration that we could enjoy playing together and those last long hibiscus-scented afternoons in his music room passed pleasantly enough, without young Wilf having to constantly relate the escapades of besocked foxes to us.

The Doctor always won our games, usually coming from behind implausibly late in the day, and nearly always using some devious subterfuge to gain victory. Indeed, it was observing the childlike joy on the Doctor’s face at his underhand triumphs on the Peter Pan Pop-O-Matic Frustration board that I first realised just how much of Peter there was in his nature. Naturally, we loved him enough to pretend not to notice his cheating (I sometimes think the whole universe did) and at times towards the end we three had so much fun that I almost forgot I was a paradox, unpicking creation like Penelope at her tapestry in the heroic age we had just left.

From The Pseudo-Shackspur – works attributed to William Shakespeare collated by Heinrich Von Berlitz and Leopold Kettlecamp, Ampersand and Ampersand, 85 AH.

This passage from The Noble Troyan Woman of Troy – fragmentary foul papers of a naive work once attributed to the very young Shackspur, is worth quoting in full.

Act 2, Scene 1. A room within the box. Enter Mistress Charley, Doctor Shallow and Young Will.

Doct. Here at last! Our journey finally through. In fifteen hundred and seventy two. Young Will, regard the ceiling viewing dome – Stratford on Avon, the Hathaway home.

Will. But sir, on those bare hills, no swarths do roll. And no houses nestle ’twixt those craggy knolls – The sun burns with a fierce un-English light And that beach there is not a Warwick sight! That’s not Stratford displayed above us

Char. – Lest the Avon’s turn’d to sea, ’Od love us!

Many scholars have disputed the authenticity of this piece of alleged Shackspurian juvenilia, pointing out, fairly, that it does appear to be the only one of his extant works that the Bard biroed in a twentieth-century school jotter otherwise festooned in swirly ink blots and doodled hexagons. However, if Shackspur did travel in Time, as several scholars suggest, this objection falls away. A more compelling argument for its inauthenticity is the verse style, experimenting uniquely within the Shackspurian canon with strict iambic pentameter composed entirely in rhyming couplets. Whilst dreadful, it is nothing like as appalling as that in Shackspur’s earliest known adult writing

***

From Tales from the Matrix – True Stories from TARDIS Logs Retold for Time Tots by Loom Auntie Flavia, Panopticon Press, 6833.8 Rassilon Era. Part of the Wigner Heisenberg Collection, The Mobile Library, Talking Books Section. Location currently uncertain.

The Doctor flicked the temporal stabiliser off and pulled down the transitional element control rod taking him out of the Vortex. Quite the wrong way to actualise and quadro-anchor even a Type 40 Time Capsule, isn’t it? Exiting the interstitial continuum at the perihelion of a temporal ellipse can cause serious buffering in your harmonic wave packet transference and sever your main fluid links, can’t it?

‘Here we are, Stratford on Avon, 1572!’ announced the Doctor proudly and wrongly. If he’d ever bothered to use his Absolute Tesseractulator to pinpoint his dimensional locations he wouldn’t have made these kind of mistakes, of course, but the Tesseractulator had never come out of its box, had it?

Charlotte Pollard, the Doctor’s friend, came over to him and flicked on the ceiling scanner.

A friend’s an Earth thing. It’s a bit like having a colleague or fellow student you co-operate with, but without any exams or project targets at the end to make the co-operation meaningful. There was a fashion for having them on Gallifrey at one time, ask some of your older cousins about it, they might remember.

Charlotte squinted at the view outside. It didn’t look like the Stratford she’d visited, with neither alien enslavers nor half timbered tea shops anywhere in sight. ‘Are you sure?’ she asked.

‘Positive. Ish,’ replied the Doctor. William Shaxsberd, a young man they’d promised to drop off in 1572, put down his coloured crayons and came to join them.

‘It does not look much as it once did, Doctor,’ said William, looking at the ceiling and cricking his neck.

The Doctor followed suit. The dustbowl outside was certainly not Warwickshire in any era he’d visited, ‘No. Indeed not,’ he admitted. ‘I think the rift in the Vortex is introducing a random element into my calculations.’

Do you remember the rift in the Vortex, from last time? That’s right, the Doctor made that too! It was due to the paradoxical interaction of two paravertical chronostreams further complicated by three retro- temporal augmented causal feedback loops, wasn’t it?

‘Another random element?’ asked Charlotte, ‘More random than the way you play “eeny meeny miney mo” with the buttons?’

‘Ha, Charley,’ said the Doctor. ‘Tres amusent.’

Charlotte turned to William to explain, ‘That’s French, Will, for “I’ve been banged to rights, Miss Pollard”,’ she said.

‘I somehow knew,’ William replied.

‘Really?’ asked Charlotte. ‘How?’

‘It’s a Time Lord gift, Charley,’ said the Doctor, ‘and yes it would be awfully de trop to ask how it works.’ Or at least that’s whatCharlotte thought he said. William heard something quite different of course.

Well, let’s get out there then,’ said the Doctor, opening the doorswithout taking any proper readings.

‘Er, why?’ asked Charlotte.

‘Because until we know how far out the rift has shunted us in spaceand time we won’t know how to get to Stratford, 15 diddlydiddly...’explained the Doctor, waving his hand vaguely as he searched hismemory for the end of the four digit number he’d lost interest in.

‘Seventy-two,’ prompted William.

‘The very same.’ The Doctor beamed, ruffling the young man’s hair in a way that, thanks to the TARDIS telepathic circuits alone, seemed endearing rather than insufferable and over familiar.

William and the Doctor headed for the doors. Charlotte was troubled though.

‘Won’t my temporal instability cause untold problems to wherever we are?’ she asked, quite sensibly, all things considered.

‘Oh, very probably, I expect,’ replied the Doctor airily, ‘but if you spent your whole life worrying about the consequences of your actions you’d never get anything done and the consequences of that would be unthinkable, wouldn’t they? Faint heart never bowled a maiden over,you know.’

Charlotte scowled. ‘Mind,’ added the Doctor as he stepped out of the control room, ‘neither did Katie “the Beast” Davies, if I remember my22nd-century Wisden correctly.’

That was an allusion to the Earth game Cricket, wasn’t it? It was the Earth’s planetary sport, despite the fact that humans were the worst players of it in the galaxy if you remember.‘

Doctor, I find your words confusing,’ said William as he followed him out.‘It’s a Time Lord gift, Will,’ Charlotte whispered. ’You’ll get used to it.’

* * *

From The Primary Cressida document

New hides! This keeping a journal business is awfully tricky when you’ve no paper around, but before mummy died, she did make me promise I’d write one when I eventually settled down. It’s a family tradition that’s been handed down for generations apparently, not that I ever saw mummy’s.

Anyhow, Troilus is still very eager to settle soon, but where? I’ve ruled out going east to the Holy Land because from what I remember from history and my travels we’ll get no peace there and the rest of the Med and Adriatic has already been bagsied. Troilus reckons Aeneas will have already have set up somewhere by now and we should have gone off on his boat when we had the chance. I just nod, and try to explain wave particle duality to the little ones.

I have a vague feeling I learned something about Aeneas from the UK-201’s didactomat box way back in the future. I think he ended up with Dido in Carthage for a bit, which confuses me because I thought Dido’s music was Late Classical, which must be after this period, surely. I’m sketchy on the details to be honest. I only remember it was Dido and not Sister Bliss because the planet we crashed into on the way to Astra was named after her.

Funny thinking about Dido, that was the place I’ve called home longest in recent years. I’ve been a nomad a while really – split between London and Liverpool as a girl, never knowing whether to talk posh and southern or not, emigrating to off-Earth with daddy, hopping about through Time with the Doctor, and now traipsing around Turkey with Troilus and his mates before its even called that or has any tourist facilities to speak of. I think I must have ‘space travel in my blood’ as one of those Baroque composers put it!

I’ve been wondering when I should discover electricity and plumbing a bit recently, these fleeces don’t clean themselves like proper clothes, so the sooner we can invent the twin tub the better. Are we before or after that Monk who invented things too early here, I wonder? I don’t want to mess things up like he did, but I’m shocking on dates. I just paid attention to the stories in the history books really, not the order they happened in. If I’d known the way round history went was going to be important I would have had the machine teach me it. Of course, as a child you never expect all that history around you is going to run away into the future like it has, do you? I’ve decided I’ll probably start with a steam engine and see if that messes up my memory of the future. The way I see it, it’ll be impossible for me to invent anything that’ll stop me being born so I can’t do too much harm.

I casually suggested making things out of iron the other day, which I know is a big step forward but everyone just laughed. Too brittle and hard to work compared to bronze or tin, they said. I suppose they’re right. You have to do something to it to make it strong, I remember that. I just don’t remember what that something is. For all I know my quad physics equations and could still compose a cogent analygraphfor the fall of the Mallatratt Protectorate, I’m a bit rusty on a few of the basics. Going to take us years to get garlic bread and sound radio at this rate.

Of course, I had a bit of training for life without the mod cons on Dido, so I can cope, but what makes things really fiddly at the moment is that my future’s past is catching up with my present, which is complicated enough to write down, let alone experience.

We’ve just bumped into the Doctor as a young man, and I’m sure it’s really bad form for me to let on I recognise him when as far as he’s concerned he’s not met me yet.

From Not Necessarily the Way I Do It!

My plan was pretty much the usual one, to go out and see if we could find out the year and our whereabouts in a way that wouldn’t arouse any suspicions, and then hang around until nightfall to get a better fix from the position of the stars. It may sound dull but I’ve found if I do that I usually find something or other to get embroiled in before sunset.

We stepped circumspectly out of the Ship and set off in search of the nearest habitation, ready as ever to improvise any number of cover stories to explain our presence and strange garb. As luck would have it we soon ran into one of the locals, and were able to subtly winkle out the info we needed on route to his encampment.

From The Dairy of an Edwardian Adventuress

People say you should never look back of course, advice we’ve been ignoring since Orpheus and EuroDisney, but I can’t help thinking that if the Doctor hadn’t landed us in the aftermath of the Trajan War a lot of that beastly business with the Time Lords might have been avoided later.

As usual the Doctor rejoiced in dropping straight into the middle of things without a moment’s forethought. Impossible, exasperating man,I tried to protest but somehow he just brushed my complaints away with a smiled shouldn’t have let him, but he did have such a lovely smile.

* * *

From The Pseudo-Shackspur

The Noble Troyan Woman of Troy

Act 3, Scene 2. Another part of the hillside. Enter Mistress Charley, Doctor Shallow and Young Will.

Doct. Yoohoo! Mister Goatboy, excuse me please, Could you tell me what time and place is this? Char. Discreet as ever.

Enter a Goatherd.

Doct. Yes, but awfully brave. Young man, there is information we crave. What land is this and what year are we in? We’ve lost track of both in our travelling.

Char. Oh I give up, you’re so inconsistent.

Doct. Just smile prettily, act like an assistant.

Char. But I never know what trick you’ll pull next!

Doct. Just grit your teeth, smile and stick out your chest; Magic’s best tricks work by misdirection.

Char. So I’m just here to stir his –

Will. Affection?

Doct. Quite so Will, a pretty face inspires trust. True, I’m afraid, if not awfully just. This chap will tell us the time and the place And Presto well head straight back into Space!

Goat. Eleven eight three BC is the year This is Hisarlik in Anatolia. I expect you’re traders from Phoenicia To be garbed and garbling here so queer. You’ve been ship wreck’d and concuss’d I’ll be bound. Which’ll be why you have no goods around. We must offer you shelter at the least Pop back home with me and well have a feast.

Char. How can he know he lives before Our Lord?

Doct. It’s just a translation device that’s flaw’d. It’s an awfully clever mechanism But it causes the odd anachronism. Kind goatherd, we would love to share a meal And watch the evening stars above us wheel. For by such means we will precisely know Our station now and where we next must go. Exeunt Omnes.

From Tales from the Matrix

‘Do we really need to do this?’ asked Charlotte as the band trudged wearily after the herdsman in their impractical shoes, ‘Surely the date and location he’s given you is enough?’

‘Perhaps,’ the Doctor replied, ‘but studying the stars will allow me to be more accurate. Besides, I’m famished. We haven’t eaten for minus three thousand years, bear in mind.’

So the Doctor and his companions blithely headed off into further temporal confusion, unaware that the goatherd had seen the TARDIS arrive and knew full well who the Doctor was already.

There’s a lesson there for anyone who thinks it’s clever to keep their TARDIS in one form, don’t you think? The Ionic Column factory preset might look nice, for example, but when using it means every Grun, Za and Caius in the Cosmos knows who you are immediately, it rather defeats the point of a chameleon circuit.

From The Primary Cressida document

One of our herdsmen saw the TARDIS arrive in the next valley this afternoon and instantly recognised it as the mobile temple that had prefigured the city’s fall, and the Doctor as a younger version of the old man from my tales.

He sent his mate back to tell us so we all had time to prepare ourselves and could all pretend we believed the Doctor’s implausible story about being a trader from Phoenicia when he turned up an hour or so later.

It’s definitely him, probably about 40 years before we met. He dresses similarly, his hair is curlier and darker and his face looks a bit different, but the years are never kind, are they? Amazingly, he’s almost as vague as a young man as he was when old, if not quite so ummy and erry. I’d always assumed that was because he was getting on a bit.

Thankfully, no one here’s too thrown by the idea of time travellers after me relating all my adventures to them, though one of the boys did ask me why the Doctor didn’t walk and talk backwards when his past was in the future. I was very clear why not when I started explaining it, but I must admit I got a bit confused as I went along. He hasn’t recognised me of course, dear diary, and we’ve invited him and his friends to have tea tonight.

From Not Necessarily the Way I Do It!

Well, imagine my embarrassment when we arrived at the fellow’s encampment and who was in charge but my old friend Vicki (now calling herself Cressida of course) and her new husband Troilus, who I’d never actually met, due to quite heavy escaping commitments around the time they got together.

I realised with a start that young Bill Shakespeare was due to write a play about this couple in a few years, and that unless I was careful thismeeting would almost certainly be what inspired it, thus complicating Bill’s already tortuous history further and bringing yet another new paradox to mine. I’d only let Vicki go away with Troilus at Troy’s fall because once I heard she was calling herself Cressida I’d assumed it was predestined (well, I was young, I believed in that kind of thing), I knew there was a play about the couple by Shakespeare and thought I was helping history take its course by hitching them up. Now, if I’d only done that because my future actions would one day bring that play about, I’d accidentally made a big chunk of my past dependent on my future, which, as you know, isn’t really the accepted way of going about things.

I reasoned it was vital for the tidiness of the time line that I kept Bill from learning the background of Troilus and Cressida in any detail, ideally forgetting as much of their present as he could too.

To complicate matters further, Vicki had actually seen Bill as an adult on my time telly, the Time Space Visualiser. She was never the most historically careful of girls, and I feared that if she found out who he was, she’d probably tell him all about his future at the court of Elizabeth and getting the commission to write The Merry Wives of Windsor and the inspiration for Hamlet on the same day and how he’d sprained his wrist in his rush to write both.

All it might take, I thought, would be one slip from any one of us, accidentally mentioning the words TARDIS or Zeus Plug over dessert, say, and causality would be tangled up like President Pandak’s kittens in twine, quicker than you could explain what you pop in a Ganymede socket.

Luckily, it seemed Vicki hadn’t spotted how anachronistic our garb was and hadn’t realised I was her old friend, seeming to completely swallow my inventive tales of sea faring, despite Charley’s rather fanciful insertions about hook-handed pirates.

I had, of course, underestimated her, as a quick and entirely accidental glance at her diary before dinner proved. Not knowing I could regenerate, she had taken me for my young self in my first form and thought she was protecting me from foreknowledge!

This, of course, suited my purpose. All I reckoned I had to do now to save Time from chewing itself to bits was keep Will busy and make sure Vicki didn’t relate her history to any of us over dinner.

Oh what tangled webs we weave, when tidy temporal strands we try to leave.

From The Dairy of an Edwardian Adventuress

Mr and Mrs Troilus seemed a sweet couple, he a lanky chap with a curly beard and a well-meaning expression and she a rather enthusiastic young thing with big eyes, yet the Doctor had become rather shifty from the moment we met them. I knew he was preoccupied by something, but I had, at that time, no idea what. After some fun, improvising tales of derring-do on the high seas to prove our credentials as traders, he took me to one side and explained that I had to get Wilf as squiffy as possible at the feast that night for reasons it was simpler at that moment not to explain. He said history depended on me getting the boy so drunk he could neither speak nor remember his behaviour the next morning. I’m normally quite good at that kind of thing, it was hardly my fault the Bawd was a functioning alcoholic at the age of eight.

From The Pseudo-Shackspur

The Noble Troyan Woman of Troy

Act 4, Scene 1. An encampment in the mountains. Enter Mistress Charley, Doctor Shallow, Young Will, a goatherd, Troilus, Cressida, divers villagers and guards severally.

Doct. Hello. (Aside) Her! ’Tis Vicki, I should have guess’d. I never with good geography was bless’d Hisarlik is the modern name for Troy. Quite a temporal tangle, boy oh boy! (To Cress.) Ha ha, my hearties! We here are sailors three. (Aside) I can but hope she does not see ‘tis me.

Cress. (Aside) Deceit upon deception! Can this be The Doctor who I first took it to be? Is this him when young as I assumed? Or must deeper deceit be presumed? I’ll play along until the truth I know. (To Doct.) Good mariners, welcome and hello.

Will. (To Char.) What’s this strange accented charade about?

Char. (To Will) Who knows, we’ll be, I bet, last to find out.

From Tales from the Matrix

Yes Time Tots, exactly! The first thing any of us would have done would have been to get out of there quickly before we compromised the causal nexus. Staying for tea and imbibing too much ethanol, which you’ll recall the Doctor had a particular weakness for on his mother’s side, doesn’t strike any of us as sensible!

From The Secondary Cressida document (a transcribed fragment allegedly found at a Church of Rome jumble sale) – Even More Suppressed Texts of the Vatican Library, A Hatper-Mysteria- Ellerycorp Press Original, 2977 CE

My ruse worked, the robot’s read my carefully exposed diary and thinks I suspect nothing! He’s so obviously not really the Doctor it’s not true, but he doesn’t know I know that yet, so we have the advantage. He’s definitely a Dalek robot double like that other one they sent after us.

They’ve probably made him the young Doctor this time to make it less obvious. He does look a bit like he could be him sometimes if you’re not paying attention, but if you look closely his face is all wrong and his voice goes a bit funny sometimes like that other robot’s did, almost doing my accent at times! I think he’s probably feeding on my jumbled memories or something.

We’ll overpower him and his companions at dinner tonight and destroy them, they won’t expect me to know how to deactivate them.

From Not Necessarily the Way I Do It!

I’ve always been keen on wine, particularly the heavier oaky reds, though I find there is a rather tiresome tendency for them to be drugged by villainous blackguards sometimes, rather impairing the subtleties of the flavour, but wine in the Homeric era was quite a different proposition. What can I tell you about it except that it tasted awful but did the job?

It wasn’t the heavily resinated stuff the Greeks later went in for, thankfully, nor indeed that watered-down muck the ancient Romans used to dish out at parties, but I think it’s telling that the most flattering thing Homer had to say about it in the whole of The Iliad was how like the sea it was in hue. When you bear in mind he was blind, you can tell he’d had to ask around a bit to find anyone with something positive to say about it.

The food wasn’t much better either. It can be terribly hard eating out when you travel like I do. These days at home, I generally try to eat only things that don’t have a central nervous system, or that I’ve knocked up in the food machine, but sometimes, when you’re a guest, qualms like that have to go out of the window, particularly on worlds ruled by intelligent plants, where you’re best advised not to ask for a celery stick and to just stick your toes in damp soil like everyone else at the table.

Even then I try to stick to my principles and not eat anything with a sense of self, parliamentary democracy or sultanas in it.

This dinner was a particularly awkward affair; Charley acting like a slightly sloshed pirate queen, Vicki acting like she didn’t know me, Bill acting up, singing lewd madrigals that officially weren’t due for invention yet in his rather reedy girlish voice, and all the while me worrying about causality falling apart around me rather too much to fully enjoy the dolmades.

Suddenly, half way through the proceedings, the impossible happened: it took a turn for the worse. Vicki shouted out ‘Now!’, and lunged at my chest and started tearing at my waistcoat.

From The Dairy of an Edwardian Adventuress

My recollections of the ensuing events are somewhat hazy; I had been struggling to match young Wilt measure for measure, you might say, when I saw the Doctor being attacked. I launched myself at his assailant and missed, I’m told, briefly losing my dignity and consciousness in the process.

A shocking melee ensued by all accounts, with Trajans tearing at our clothes with cutlery and all the usual business with tables being turned and the like breaking out; I’m only glad I can’t remember the full details, because what little I do makes me blush quite enough.

It’s quite possible I told someone I loved them, and was sick later too. I’ve never been brave enough to ask. The next thing I remember clearly was being in the main tent with the Doctor explaining a lot and me apologising a bit, just in case.

From The Pseudo-Shackspur

The Noble Troyan Woman of Troy

Act 5, Scene 2. At dinner beneath the stars.

Cress. Take that, false Doctor! But where are your wires? In sparks and puffs of smoke you should expire. Could it be that you are the Doctor true?

Char. Get your claws off him, he’s mine, you wild shrew!

Will. Oh, Pillicock sat on pillicock

Char. Will you stop that terrible singing, Will? The Doctor and I are under attack From this Troyan host, while you’re supping sack. Join in the scrap and cease your carousel Lewd songs, anyhow, douse all arousal.

Doct. Vicki, Will, Charley, all, put down those knives! You’re all making the mistakes of your lives.

Cress. Vicki, you say? You should not know that yet. If you’re the young Doctor, we’ve not yet met.

Doct. Vicki, the reason that I know your name Is that inwardly I am still the same Man who left you at Troy some years ago, I can change my looks, if you didn’t know. Char. Doctor, do you mean that you know this wench?

Doct. We travelled together many years hence. I think it’s time I explain’d the full truth Of why I’ve deceived you all, forsooth.

Will. If she’s an old friend then tell me why You did keep that fact from Charley and I?

Doct. This is an old friend, Will, but, what is worse, She features, in decasyllabic verse, In a drama that you shall one day pen That means I shall leave her with this Troyan, If you only write it because you’re here Chronological conundra appear. Effects and causes whirl and spin about, Go through the wringer and turn inside out. The egg that hatches out your chicken Does in that self same chicken thicken.

From Tales from the Matrix

Then in direct contravention of fifteen universal laws of Time and two local statutes, the Doctor sat down and explained everything that had happened, and, in explaining it, he brought all the things he was worried about happening that hadn’t into the open, didn’t he?

Of course, it turned out that some of the things he was worried about were of no concern at all, but as a result of relating them he brought worse problems about.

I expect most of you have read stories about the Doctor in other books, and I expect some of you think he’s quite clever, even though he breaks a lot of rules, don’t you? Well, you’re right! In a crisis, he’s just the kind of person you need around, he can come up with ideas almost no one else could. The only problem is, when you’re not having a crisis, he’s just the kind of person to cause one.

From The Primary Cressida document

How embarrassing. It turns out the Doctor was the Doctor after all, only older and with a new face for some strange reason. The girl who drinks too much is his latest companion and the little boy with the dirty songs and the voice like a girl is William Shakespeare! Nice enough lad, no wonder he ends up in the theatre with that voice though, perfect for all those drag roles they gave boys. We had a lovely chat about Dido and Aeneas and told each other about our scrapes with the Daleks, and I let slip the odd thing I knew about his future.

He’s told me we should go and settle in England. Apparently there’s an old book he’s read by a chap called Geoffrey that says relatives of Aeneas were the first Britons I think it’s a super idea, ’ I know Troilus will like it in England, and I think we’ve persuaded the Doctor too! Just think! could be one of my own ancestors passing on my secret diaries for years and years, a bit like mummy’s family did! How smashing would that be?

From Not Necessarily the Way I Do It!

Of course I decided in the end that honesty would be the best policy and that as long as everyone knew the full facts, and swore not to be influenced by them, we could probably darn the hole in causality in such a way that it wouldn’t show. I sat everyone down in the central tent and explained. Well, what a Charlie I looked!

*** From The Dairy of an Edwardian Adventuress

Ridiculously, the Doctor had been worried about Wilf getting inspiration for the play Troilus and Cressida from meeting the real Troilus and Cressida! I protested that Wilf had already read his own plays in the future anyhow, but the Doctor countered that they’d have been corrupted playing texts and in a court of law it would be hard to prove that was down to him, whereas if Will had got any of the plot or characterisation directly through his adventures with us that was a bit more serious.

That was when Will started laughing.

From The Pseudo-Shackspur

The Noble Troyan Woman of Tray Act 5, Scene 4. A tent in the camp.

Will. But Doctor, I did not invent the tale Of Troilus and Cressida’s love that fail’d. Why, Geoffrey Chaucer told it years ago! I cannot believe that you did not know. Have you read even half of what you claim Or do you just like dropping well-known names? Cressida’s tale is part of tradition Not the result of my precognition Of future perfect past present events, If you will forgive me my mangled tense, And my quondumque futures version Should have put you off this girl’s desertion.

Char. You should have read your Brodie’s Notes on Will. The phantom threat you feared from his quill Was nothing but an insubstantial shade, And there’s a real spectre here I’m afraid. I’m half a ghost of Christmas yet to come, Remember, I’ve made history come undone. You’ve got paradoxes enough to be Getting on with, as far as I can see, So why do you search for new ones instead That only exist inside of your head?

Doct. If I had known the work of me laddo Would I have found menace in my shadow? I here resolve to watch much less TV And be the reader I do claim to be. For half my erudite orations Come straight from books of quotations.

From Tales from the Matrix

‘What was Helen of Troy actually like then?’ asked William Shaxberd as he helped himself to more wine.

‘Is,’ corrected the Doctor, prissily.

‘She’s a good egg by all accounts,’ said Vicki, politely not mentioning the fact she thought her looks had gone, ‘and Menelaus was happy enough to have her back, even after all the bother, so she must be quite nice when you get to know her, I suppose.’

‘Well, she would have to be a good egg really,’ said William, ‘Her father was a swan supposedly.’ Like most young human men of his generation, he knew the salacious bits of Greek Mythology surprisingly well.

‘Half human on his mother’s side?’ smiled the Doctor, thinking himself clever. ‘Aren’t we all?’

‘No, just men,’ said Charlotte through a falafel.

‘She has two birthdays they say, one when the egg came out of her mother and another when it hatched,’ Troilus revealed, leaning forward over the table and whispering in that conspiratorial manner people sometimes do when divulging well known but dubious trivia.

‘It would have been an easy birth if she was born an egg,’ said Vicki ruefully, one hand on her stomach.

‘An easy lay, you mean,’ William corrected.

‘So Paris said –’Troilus began, his eyes a twinkle.

He was shouted down by his wife seconds later, barrack room tale untold, and one of those awkward silences ensued that dinner party guests in all cultures and times know only too well.

‘Have you actually read Troilus and Cressida, Doctor?’ asked Charlotte a little later.

‘You ask me, who had a hand in some of Shakespeare’s finest work – who put the mixed metaphor in the “To be or not to be” soliloquy, who hired the bear for The Winter’s Tale, and who really shouldn’t have passed on the story of A Midsummer’s Night Dream, if I’ve read Troilus and Cressida?’ replied the Doctor, rather over-egging it in that way he usually did when he was on the defensive.

‘Yes!’ they cried as one.

‘Well, no,’ admitted the Doctor. ‘It’s supposed to be one of the better ones, and well, you know, I’ve been busy. I’ve still not managed to tune the Time Space Visualiser in to catch all of The Golden Girls and I’ve been trying for decades.’

‘She doesn’t end up with Troilus in it, she ends up with Diomede, andit’s set during the war not after it!’ said Charlotte patiently.

‘Diomede! That was Steven!’ Vicki laughed.The Doctor looked confused. ‘Vicki and Steven were just friends,weren’t you? Just the odd haircut and getting locked up together, Ithought.’

‘Yes, that’s right, how many times do we have to go through that?’Vicki explained, giving a petulant Troilus a peck on the cheek.

‘Well the legend must have got a bit confused by the time it gotwritten down I think Chaucer got it from a foreign book,’ said William,draining his goblet.

The Doctor beamed, thinking he’d got away with his tinkering again.‘So Troilus and Cressida weren’t predestined after all!’ he said

‘Well, only because of your lack of reading,’ snorted Charlotte.

‘Oh that is a relief,’ said the Doctor taking the wine jug from William and helping himself without asking.

‘Now what about this business of giving us charts to help us reach this Britain young Will spoke of?’ asked Troilus, passing the Doctor a goat’s cheese nibble.

‘I really shouldn’t,’ explained the Doctor. ‘If you go there, on the basis of the frankly dubious history of Geoffrey of Monmouth then Vicki is in danger of becoming one of her own descendants, which is at least as badas the things I’ve been trying to prevent all day.’

‘Oh go on Doctor, please!’ begged Vicki. ‘We could mine tin in Cornwall and I’d promise not to invent anything I shouldn’t as long as I lived, not even roller skates!’

‘I don’t think I should. I’ve made enough of a mess looking after young Charley here, the repercussions of me sending you to Britain because the unborn Shakespeare suggested it could be horrendous,’ said the Doctor, finally being responsible for once in his lives.

‘Oh go on Doctor, I’m unborn too, remember, so that shouldn’t matte rmuch,’ said Vicki.

‘And I’m only half here,’ said Charlotte grimly ‘Why stop messing about now? You should have stayed at home watching these Golden Girls of yours if you weren’t prepared to get involved in real people’s lives. They’re messy and not always in the order you’d like and sometimes too short, and they’re not always better for having you in them, but you either face that or hide away somewhere, don’t you?

’The Doctor kissed her.

‘What was that for?’ asked Charlotte.

‘To shut you up,’ he said. He tapped Vicki on the nose and smiled,’Come on, let’s carry on the party, and in the morning, when rosy-fingered Dawn has done her bit, we’ll sort out a good map of Europe for the Trojans and get them started on their boats. Any consequences which haven’t happened yet we can worry about later!’

Some of you will be shocked at just how naughty the Doctor was in this story: jeopardising the stability of all those will-have-might-have-been futures out there depending on him by interweaving all those strands of destiny connected to the Dalek race and all on the basis of a whim.

The Doctor already knew Dalek causality was partially snagged in a loop in Time and his friend was the focus of a temporal anomaly, but of course he had spent a jolly long time in the Vortex, hadn’t he? That meant his causal connections to events future, past and maybe- somehow were a great deal more jumbled up than most people’s and he was quite good at judging just how likely to snaggle the Web of Time his whims might be.

Or so he thought.

The Doctor believed in two very wrong things you see; firstly, in something he called personal morality that he thought was more important than doing the things simply everyone knows are right, and secondly, that he was cleverer than everyone else and could always sort things out.

He deserved what happened to him next, didn’t he?

Document from the Braxiatel Collection Shakespearean Ephemera wing, a note found in the effects of William Shakespeare by literary assessor Porlock. It is not believed to be in Shakespeare’s hand though it bears some graphological similarities to the disputed Scarlioni Hamlet manuscript.

List of things not to mention

The Daleks,

That you’ve met me before when we meet next (because you didn’t mention it last time, you know),

That you’ve read half your plays already

That I wrote all the good bits in Hamlet, [‘good bits’ later amended to ‘rubbish bits’ in a different hand]

The idea of cigars (until Raleigh gets back from abroad),

That cigars will end up named after some of your characters,

That someone called Raleigh will go abroad,

That Troilus and Cressida had a lovely marriage and lived happily ever after in Mousehole, no matter how the story goes in Chaucer,

Oh, the places you’ve gone and the things that you’ve seen

[daggerzine]

Michael Head & The Red Elastic Band- Loophole (Dinked)

The twelve new songs that fill Loophole, were apparently triggered by the writing of his book (more on that later). It’s Michael Head’s first album since the amazing Dear Scott. We can’t forget The Red Elastic Band, which includes Phil Murphy (drums), Tom Powell (bass), Nathaniel Cummings (guitars/backing vocals) and Martin Smith (trumpet). Yes, it’s the same band as Dear Scott, as well as produced by Bill Ryder-Jones at YAWN Studios. The album begins with “Shirl’s Ghost.” It’s actually a lengthened swirling guitared version with horns and lyrics this time around. (It appeared on Dear Scott as a short instrumental.) According to Mick, “Shirl was a neighbour living in the flat above me. Amongst these piles of her stuff was her mum’s ashes. Before getting evicted, she asked me to find them. I did and shortly after that weird things started happening around the flat.” Wait for the incredible guitar-shredding solo, also. Watch the video here:

 Next is “Ambrosia,” a slow waltz about his memories of touring with Shack, his former band and a favorite of ours. Sadly, one member of Shack, Iain Templeton, died halfway through writing this song. It’s a somber tribute to the olden days filled with strings galore. Here’s the video:

 Track 3, “Ciao Ciao Bambino” (which was actually released in December as a single), finds its album home on Loophole. It’s a song about missing his mom singing the Connie Francis song of the same name to him as a child at bedtime. It begins with a pulsing bass line that turns into a bouncy, horn-filled number that would hardly put a child to sleep these days. See if you agree here:

 “Tout Suite” is a sad, but beautiful acoustic number, almost with a country and western, carousel vibe. Heartfelt lyrics truly add to this one. “Right now, now is the time, to make up your mind, if you, if you belong with me.” Next up, “The Human Race,” takes off as one of the most rockin’ songs on the album. It’s a big band boogie with a strong rhythm section, a banging piano, and a killer guitar solo. Track 6, “You Smiled At Me,” is a breezy, jazzy number that could’ve been pulled from Burt Bacharach’s 60s songbook. Excellent flute work and guitar solos are the focus on this one.

(photo: Jamie Webster/Warren Millar Photography) “A Ricochet Moment” takes off with strumming acoustic guitars, pounding drums, and soaring strings and horns. With its occasional abruptness of gentle guitar, it then bounces back to its upbeat side with a battle between guitars and horns near the end. It’s a favorite of mine that really adds to the wide variety of sounds presented on this album. (And you thought Dear Scott was great!) Track 8, “Connemara,” is a beautiful song highlighting intricate acoustic guitar work in a beautiful melody. And those horns and flutes really shine as well. It's by far my favorite so far. Set in the beautiful west coast of Ireland, according to Head, "’Connemara’ is about a decades long on/off love affair between Mrs. Rafferty, a lecturer and her ex-student.” Watch the video: 

 Track 9, “Merry Go Round,” is another softer lullaby with beautifully blended acoustic guitars filled with the current thoughts of Michael. “Somebody told me Shakespeare was a fraud. I didn’t know Will Sergeant loves The Doors. I then read Mussolini startled the trains. I didn’t realize Thatcher was insane.” Eventually here comes the rhythm section and those horns. It’s another favorite of mine. “You’re A Long Time Dead” is an interesting switch. Tuba? Clarinet? It’s got a 30s feel that takes the listener way back to Cole Porter’s “You’re The Top” era. Then, it’s back to present day with “Naturally It’s You.” A slower, bluesy string-driven piece that really could go on a bit longer in my opinion. It’s another gorgeous piece, but way too short. The album ends with “Coda,” a slow, gentle acoustic pop song filled with horns and strings. Again, it’s one that Bacharach could have penned. It’s a beautiful song that builds and builds all the way to the end. Head and his band have done it again. Loophole is destined to be on everyone’s 2024 top ten list and yet it’s only May. He’s got some live dates set up; here’s hoping he makes it to the States, also. ERIC EGGLESON https://www.michaelheadofficial.com/

https://michaelhead.tmstor.es/

More great news, Michael Head’s autobiography, Ciao Ciao Bambino: A Magical Memoir, is coming out this August 15th, from Nine Eight Books. You can pre-order here: https://geni.us/CiaoCiaoBambino

[bookns]

Lola! You remind me of the warm gold sun peeking out from behind soft clouds in a purple-streaked sunset. I think of Percy Jackson and the whole wonderful riordanverse when I think of you, and it makes me smile because those books have always been a safe space for me. I think of you and I think of yoyok, I think of wcs, I think of girlhood and loneliness and love and I revel in how lucky I am that the stars aligned for us to meet, two girls with such similar and yet such separate struggles. We’re only a time zone away. You’ve never had Raising Cane’s. I was looking for a new duvet cover online yesterday, and the prettiest one I found (and the one I want to get) was was white with blue ribbons embroidered onto it. Ribbons make me think of you. I see a rose, I see flowers, I see books with lovely covers, I go to my local library and I remember you. You’re the first person I’d tell if I ever did get a job working with books. Footage of the eras tour, listening to Taylor Swift, listening to Maisie Peters- it all comes back to you. I sit waiting for my mom to come pick me up after school and it reminds me of when you wrote that lovely paragraph about me after CIBH came out. My phone died right after, and I was left smiling in disbelief and gratitude and happiness on a school bench. This {💜} reminds me of you. I see the word “darling”, I make a friendship bracelet, I see something purple, and it’s all you. You’re wonderful and lovely and I want to meet you someday and give you the warmest and most caring hug because you deserve it, you really do. xx Maia

I have been waiting till I can properly sit down and reply to this because, holy shit this is the most anyone, on this blog and otherwise has ever written about me.

Knowing how much you love the sky (bestie you have a sky as your wallpaper which says EVERYTHING) so the fact that I remind you of a purple sunset (which you know is my favorite). I love that my safe spaces that were Percy, Annabeth and Silena became yours. I hope you know that I use your photos of yoyok, wcs, my 'vibe' (which I been told that is actually accurate). and CIBH - the fact that you love can I be him s much as I do. I have been working on it for so long, and no one has supported m like you have. I'm not kidding - in my daily life only one person knows I'm Lola (@crystalheart11 hiiii) and no oe knows what can I be him. they know its fanfiction at best and at worst they think I'm writing a novel. you've seen it - my favorite songs are fucking yoyok and you are in love so you KNOW I have been spending my whole life putting it into words. Maia, we became friends under unlikely circumstances. We were girls growing at different planets practically (even if it is only a few hundred miles) but with you being Maia and me being Lola - we came together and I know we will grow to see each other. So much of me is so similar to you. and I'll tell you something - sometimes when I post stuff I know wont get any reblogs, or likes in the back of my mind I think Maia will like it. I don't have to worry. and sure enough you, and a bunch of my other dear darlings like some of my own favorite posts. "Ribbons make me think of you. I see a rose, I see flowers, I see books with lovely covers, I go to my local library and I remember you" Do You ACTUALLY WANT ME TO CRY. We are so timeless coded you know that. that even in a different life we be friends at least thats what I'd like to think. I'm so glad I was the first person you ever told about your dream! we are day girl dreamers together with books in our hands and ribbons in our hair. Maia, here's a secret: I have this section of my diary called 'I did it moments' and so many moments about you are in that. The day you became my beta, the day you told me you wanted chapter 2 of Can I Be Him (ITS COMING I PROMISE). Hell, even my friends (yes the same 'friends from home who don't know what to say) know you. well rather, the 'fan' who is always blowing up my phone' (their words not mine). To me, your such huge part of this blog and therefore me. You keep me smiling because you respond - and your just as girlie as I am and you laugh and you make me laugh and sometimes when I read them at lunch surrounded by people, I feel less alone. No one deserves a hug besides you my favorite darling. I can not wait till we are older, and we will meet each other one day I am almost sure of it.

to my favorite darling: you mean the world to me (or rather the sky)(I WILL always see the sky and think of you)

XOXO Lola <3

[alarrytale]

To worried anon - H literally rushed back to London (Louis) after an intense extended weekend full of stunt shenanigas in NY back in March. He didn’t even give sh*t about his now-ex gf and her play anymore, he just done his work for paps and ran back to Louis. And funny is H was on his way home just in the moment when we found out Louis is in London when he publicly went to John Meyer’s show in The O2. And when H was back in London and he “stunded” with JC (I’m gonna call it stunting now because there’s no different between JC and H’s fake gf actually), he was holding some white flower during the pap walk which was cute and he never done fhat and so my headcanon is that he probably had a good nights sleep when he arrived home if you know what I mean haha.

Also all those public appearance with AM and his bf in Rome makes me more than sure the next fashion era will be under V*lentino because AM became the creative director and they just seem close with shared fashion sense and opinions. They are working on something and that’s why we have pap photos. But H third-wheeling in those photos is kind of funny.

And the last one, I know that the tiny pearl necklace H wore, it was our headcanon that he got it from Louis and we don’t know why it’s gone but I can’t help it and I’m sad it’s gone because it was just a delicate feminine piece of accessory which became an everyday thing for him and I miss it. But maybe it’s just broken idk. We know that (if it was gift from Louis) Louis gave H multiple jewellery through the years so he’ll get him something new again.

Hello Marte, Louis didn't spend all that time in Europe. He spent 1 month in LA and then went to latam to start the tour, while H went to the USA, LO, Japan. Anyway, apparently even in their free time they spend more time apart than together

Hi, anons!

You know what, you two can fight it out. I don't really care as much about who is where at what time. There's plenty of time for them to spend together and i'm sure they do as much as they both have a need for. Private planes are a thing, so are pics published at a later date to place them somewhere when they've long gone. Check out the timelines and you'll be surprised to see how much they're MIA. If you want to be down about it and have high expectations, then you'll probably not be very happy.

Harry is not third wheeling, Luis is there too and HLda*ly is calling him a "friend" when they well and truly know that he's H's PA... major side eye. Do they want us to think it's a double date or what? My headcanon is that H and AM are designing H's tour outfits. They're certainly doing some work together and yes, it must be under Valenti*o.

Is the pearl necklace missing in these latest pics? I loved the pearls too, not for the larry headcanon, but for the feminine touch it gave him. Maybe the pearls were a fashion statement and pearls are old news now. Or he's just wearing them for special occations? Maybe he'll start wearing a chocker or something gay that we haven't thought of!

[torturedpxet]

eras tour tips after attending cinci n2

disclaimer this was my very first big concert so i apologize if these are basic

BRING EAR PLUGS - i got some just off amazon. genuinely before i put them in i felt my whole skull rattling like my ears were gonna blow out

if you want to take photos in the stadium, try to get in line earlier - we took such nice photos while the stadium was still mostly empty! otherwise we would’ve been out there for a long time - the stadium still wasn’t completely full all the way up until right when taylor got on

bring cold water for the line to get in - yes, you will need to dispose any drinks before entering the stadium, but i think we lined up for 2ish hours before we actually got in? (gates opened 4:30, we got in line ~3, got into the venue at ~5) and it was HOTTTTT. you’ll have enough time to finish a cold drink in line and bringing your own beats buying one of the 8 dollar waters from the hawkers in line

bring a handkerchief/towel!!! it was SO HOT in line and we were standing out in line for nearly 2 hours - sweat was ROLLING down my face, all over my upper lip, down my forehead, super gross.

SUNSCREEN. SO. MUCH. SUNSCREEN. - ESPECIALLY if youre gonna have sequins on - i saw so many sequin tan lines on peoples faces lol

keep the tabs on your vip passes/bracelets to keep them :) and when the shows over just slot them back into the slot you pulled them out of! otherwise there are places to dispose of them as you walk out of the stadium

comfortable shoes - i saw so many people walking around in their socks w heels or heeled boots in their hands.

(for women) before the show starts and the lines aren’t too long, check the bathrooms - in our stadium they converted some of the mens rooms to womens restrooms for the show which is nice, but there are far fewer stalls so those lines will move a lot slower. if there are two womens restrooms by your seating area, check and see which one is the actual women’s room and which is the converted mens room so you can get a shorter bathroom lineup

[cyarskj1899]

CC

Taylor Swift's Rep Thinks You Need to Calm Down About Her Private Jet

01:55

Tell Courtney Barnett How You Really Feel

August 8, 2018

02:37

Brilliant Singer/Songwriter Sevyn Streeter Explains How She's 'Evolving Backwards'

February 2, 2021

While redditors had posted versions of “you win, Taylor” jokes over the past year, the floodgates opened after his latest interview. “This is now a Taylor Swift Subreddit. We had a good run fellas,” a user wrote.

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Since that post, redditors have been asking each other about their favorite Swift album, favorite Swift haircut, if they got Eras tour tickets. They praised Swift’s bars, and even used some of her most boring lyrics (like “now we got bad blood”) to show their new loyalties. It’s becoming r/TaylorSwift without the Gaylor hate. “Taylor swift is ready to carry the music industry on her back,” one fan posted to r/Kanye on Friday, alongside recent red carpet photos of Swift.

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Another fan said they regretted supporting West through the “Famous” feud, which, of course, was a continuation of the infamous VMAs incident. In case your brain is filled with more useful things like your social security number and how to properly fold a fitted sheet, the battle between the pair started in 2009 when West ran onstage when Swift won Best Video by a Female Artist, uttering words that will live in infamy and that have since been parodied to death: “I’mma let you finish, but Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time! One of the best videos of all time!” Swift held her Moonman, looking very (rightly) confused. (Beyoncé went on to win Video of the Year, for which Swift’s “You Belong With Me” wasn’t even nominated.)

West apologized that night on his personal blog (lol! Those were the days), and after Swift performed her song about the incident (“Innocent”) at next year’s ceremony, the two appeared to move on. Then, in 2016, West released “Famous” (starting the fire) and an accompanying video (dumping kerosene on the situation). West rapped, “I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex / Why? I made that bitch famous.” At the time, Swift disavowed the song and said she “would very much like to be excluded from this narrative.” Swift went on to win Album of the Year for the second time, the first woman to do so. Then, West’s then-wife Kim Kardashian West released videos on Snapchat (once again, those were the days!) purporting to show Swift lying about not approving the the song. The full video was later leaked and seemed to show that, actually, West didn’t tell Swift all of the lyrics, and she was not in the wrong.

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The literal years of back-and-forthing led to stans to attack both artists, something Ye fans are now revisiting. “I absolutely loathed her back in 2016/17 just because I took Ye’s side in their beef. Kinda regret it now that I like some of her music and it’s awfully clear that Kanye is a horrible person,” one reddit user wrote.

Swift—a woman once the subject of her own Aryan princess conspiracy theory—couldn’t have known how deep West’s antisemitism ran. But she is certainly the one emerging from all of this relatively scot-free. 

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In a predictably smart move, Swift has not commented on West’s very public embrace of hate, and I doubt she ever will. At this point, her PR team operates like a well-oiled machine, and they know far better than to get involved in this muck. Instead, in the spring, she’ll embark on the most in-demand arena tour of all time. Karma.

Sent from my iPhone

[nakedpersimmon]

I'm very sorry for your loss ♡ and I want to thank you for posting about what's been going on with nez. I've just found your page and I'm floored. please take the best of care today, tomorrow and always ♡

Thank you so much for this lovely message, and for the condolences. It is truly appreciated more than you can ever know. I honestly don’t think I’ve processed everything yet, because it still doesn’t feel real. I can’t even imagine what this must be like for you, having just found NP and learning about what was happening with Nez. 

Over the past few months, I’ve had a lot of anons and people sending in asks mainly about Nez’s former assistant, and I just felt so burned out on everything that it was emotionally draining to even think of answering anything. So my apologies to the folks who haven’t had their questions addressed, but hopefully what I am about to say will help with that. 

As devastated and heartbroken as I’ve felt all day, both those emotions have been outlined by a steadily increasing undercurrent of anger. I never wanted to answer the asks in the NP inbox without being able to completely confirm what was going on. Right now, we may never have that total confirmation, but from what has been said to NP, it appears Melodie was fired near the end of October and abruptly left the Monkees Farewell tour. Subsequently, the following three things occurred:

1. She was not in attendance at the last show of the Farewell Tour at the Greek Theater in Los Angeles. 

2. Micky gave a shoutout to his and Nez's assistants and referred to a woman named Gretchen as being Nez's assistant (no mention of Melodie). 

3. All references to Melodie have allegedly been removed from the Videoranch FB page, from as far back as July (if not farther).

...Most damning, however, is what has happened just recently. First, there was the strange recording that appeared on the Videoranch Facebook, and mere days ago, Melodie went ‘private’ on Twitter. Then there is this, both of which were sent to NP today: 

The top screenshot is of Melodie’s Instagram, on which she changed her profile photo to a picture with Nez. The second screenshot is from her Facebook, of a picture of Nez in the FNB era with the caption “My light xxxx.” And it is the very fact that she would have the unmitigated fucking nerve to post either of these things that is so galling. 

If you are someone who has just been fired from a job where you were accused of elder abuse against your employer, would you post these things? Or would you have to be a psychopath--a cold, remorseless, nasty piece of work who thinks she did nothing wrong--to post these things? There has also been talk of Melodie stealing from Nez/engaging in financial abuse, and no doubt more of this will unfold in the weeks and months ahead as (hopefully) legal proceedings are taken against her. But someone who knows that’s coming would not post these things. Only someone who thinks she’s gotten away with it would. 

So, yes, this is all deeply, deeply fucked up, and most likely only the tip of the iceberg, in terms of all that has happened. I’ve tried to keep folks informed as best I can, but now the only glimmer of consolation is the thought of her misdeeds against Nez finally being brought to light, and her facing actual consequences and punishment for it.  Because Michael Nesmith shouldn’t have gone out like this. Because he deserved better.

[feelingofcontent]

DNP Rewatch: Viewers ROAST my outfits!

Date video was published: 07/12/2021 (X)

DNP Main Channel Rewatch: 444

This seemed like such a random video concept.

0:01 - Phil starting with a squirrel impression...seems about right. also the golden pig is still missing after Dan hid it in Phil’s last video

0:06 - I can’t imagine dealing with this level of notice from Phil

0:26 - the “nervous boob grab” and the self call-out 😂

0:28 - I love that he’s willing to laugh at his past self

0:38 - some of these roasts are so good...starting out with a perfect one. that was quite the selfie back in 2016

0:48 - it is a very loud sweater

0:56 - he was amused enough by this one to include it even though it was from VPMO and not his fault

1:15 - I had never really noticed that before...but yeah

1:20 - okay, I’m with Phil on liking that one

1:45 - I want to know what other shiny things he picked out for the house (besides the golden pig)

2:14 - his favorite spon to have

2:31 - “I mean I’ve got Dan”... “I mean I’ve got Dan” Phil really just saying things I guess 😭

2:45 - show us more of this shelf Phil! they got the plushie when they went to a pop-up shop for Final Fantasy’s 30th anniversary. and they were apparently playing a lot of Final Fantasy during this month too

3:10 - oh uni Phil. the era of many of the looks that appear in this video

3:18 - again...this one really wasn’t his fault. I love the editing here where he put current-him on the TV in the past clip 😂

3:29 - yes okay that one is bad

3:39 - these two are more the hair issue than the outfits I think

4:05 - “caught in a moment” sure

4:28 - we were seeing...um...a lot of those gray shorts in summer 2021

4:43 - well that's a change from VPMO 2 when Dan said Phil was the only one who didn’t like how that shirt looked

4:47 - an unamused but still slightly amused Phil. here’s the unedited version of that, lol

5:02 - “those bomber jackets” like that he’s apparently grouping Dan’s matching-ish one into this as well

5:10 - this might be the worst one 😂

5:35 - that is quite the photo...just in what situation was he wearing that and posing like that. Phil doesn’t even have a further comment

5:50 - he says he’s doing the top ten but then gets distracted and does some of the others too

6:08 - oh, babies! he does look so nervous even in just that tiny clip

6:27 - I wonder how many tweets he read through before picking out what he would use for this

6:38 - patiently awaiting the “fashion moment” where Phil wears a crop top

6:45 - they really did dress to match the branding during the tour

6:54 - yeah Phil has a lot of random-phrase t-shirts...I don’t think he can comment

7:04 - always an oversized green hoodie as a sick hoodie over the years 🥺

7:15 - awww! he’s had that shirt for a long time (since at least 2015). and now every time he wears it I think about how he must have wanted to feel confident like this on that day

7:18 - he sort of managed an actual wink there!

7:26 - “a lot of gay vibes” is a perfect description of pco-Phil’s content

7:33 - he did bring it back later in the year for a video

7:43 - I really really thought he wasn’t going to mention the Dan mention in this tweet thread at all...and then he just read it out! and commented on it! so far from the (especially Dan’s) constant denial of clothes-sharing back in 2011ish. it really is a shared jacket 🥺

8:02 - he really does look good in purple. and blue. and black.

8:07 - well this Twitter thread/poll was from before VPMO 2 was made, so...

8:13 - this “number editing” became a bit of a thing for a few videos

8:19 - more aww! I think you can see that in his content and that’s probably partially why that got voted as the top look

8:38 - a lot of Dan mentions for no real reason other than he can. the casualness is so nice

8:54 - the annotation editing here is great 😂

9:01 - he had mentioned how bad this was in Answering Questions I Would Usually Avoid

9:18 - every element is pretty bad

9:48 - and now so does he 😂

10:09 - slight eyebrow raise at him saying “wedding” twice in a minute of video

10:28 - nice Phil!

10:39 - I love that he doesn’t seem to care what people think about his clothes

Honestly, this is one of those videos I was not that excited for from his initial tweets asking for the “best outfits” thread and roasts. But then I ended up really enjoying it; one of my top solo Phil videos from 2021, actually.

[woosansang]

Not sure if you're still taking top 5 asks, but if you are top 5 San stage looks? And possibly the same with Wooyoung 👉🏼👈🏼 please?

i am ALWAYS taking opportunities to talk about my boys so please u are always free to ask random questions and make me question my existence over them sfhsjfksdjs

omg okay this is gonna be HARD. i've already done my fav wooyoung stage looks and my top 5 somehow became top 7 so hsfjkashdf i expect the same will happen here. that one was a while ago but it still stands apart from now the addition of That Green Hand Top from the tour.......... yeah.......

anyway SANNIE. this was really really difficult for some reason, i guess i dont think about his actual outfits in as much detail as i do woo and yeo shdfks bc i really had to hunt and look through my blog to find stages and be like Ah That One Is Very Good Yes rather than just.... knowing them all SBDFSBD

n e way in no particular order:

1. wonderland 191010 bc im a basic bitch im sorry. i love the long hair, the official uniform style outfits, his tiny fucking waist oh my GOD, the smokey liner what the FUCK i am just a human how could i not love this look and yes this particular screenshot was extremely necessary

2. fireworks san my beloved <3 there are a lot of fireworks looks i enjoy on him so to pick one is EXTREMELY difficult, but im going with a simple one that i think he wears a couple of times. it's the hairstyle that i also like, not the wet hair look that they gave him a lot during this era. he looks so good that it didnt even cross my mind until now that he doesnt even have his abs out like most of the fireworks outfits hsjakfhdjf he doesnt need to though, he still looks amazing <3 pink sannie....... beloved.....

3. inception san is also a favourite of mine and idk how to choose one look either hsjfkhsdjf but again i do prefer the hair pushed back off his face instead of straight and hanging over his forehead, so this red/white/black stage is definitely a fave in general

4. hanbok san inception stage. i couldnt pick just one inception are u kidding me. this stage is GORGEOUS i actually might gif something from it soon lol and he is gorgeous, the colours suit him so well, his hair looks amazing, for some reason i could not find a single good photo so have a shitty screenshot hjadhfs

5. answer inkigayo 200119 in all black with silver chains my god. ONCE AGAIN there are a lot of answer performanes where he looks really good that i could probably choose, even the comeback outfits were....... nice..... all black tight leather..... but i like the fluffier hair than the slicked back hair, but i'll show u both here so u know what im talking about.

bonus honourary mention: thanxx stages. also fun and he looks good, but it just hits different for me

second bonus honourary mention: literally every deja vu stage.... minus the hair OH MY GOD IDK IF IVE MENTIONED THIS MUCH BEFORE BUT I REALLY REALLY DISLIKED THE SHORT AF DEJA VU HAIR OMG HE LOOKED LIKE SPOCK SDHFJKHSDF and i disliked it so much that it kind of ruined a lot of the thirsting i could have possibly done over how The Rest Of Him looked in those performances especially given how woo and ESPECIALLY YEO looked, i was a little distracted anyway. but still. the inkigayo one is worth an honourary mention and just do urself a favour and look at all the photos from that day bc....... yep......

ask me my top 5 anything!

[mysmorgasbordoffantabulosa]

Proof... New Chapter... and a whole lot of thoughts!

So I’ve had time to remunerate on the announcement of PROOF and I have some thoughts.

An Anthology…

So when it was announced by BigHit Music that the new album would only include 3 new songs and will be an anthology album, my first thought was…

But then as the dust settled, I’ve come to the conclusion that actually this all makes perfect senses.

Artists tend to do anthologies for various reasons: they are about to retire or take a long break and want to produce the greatest hits album; to mark the end of a set of albums as a repackaged album; or to mark the end/transition/start of a new era. I personally now think it’s the latter, the press release statement backs this up 3 time:

“BTS anthology album that embodies the history of BTS will be released as they begin a new chapter…”

“…that reflect the thoughts and ideas of the members on the past, present and future of BTS.”

“We hope that you look forward to BTS’ anthology album “Proof”, and relive the history that BTS and ARMY made together so far, and will continue to make in the future to come.”

So basically, HYBE/BigHit are (not so) subtly telling us this is not the end, and it’s a celebration of BTS’s past.

And those disappointed by just 3 new songs, should focus on the phrase in the press release: “includes many different tracks.” This is born out of the with two tracklists we’ve got, which are identical to the leaked lists I saw on Twitter over the weekend. If CD 3 follows these, then we can expect a mix of previously unreleased demos, alternative versions of songs, as well as the odd SoundCloud/Festa songs.

I think the idea of possible SoundCloud songs, unreleased demos etc, being formally released and available on streaming services (like Born Singer) is too much of an opportunity to miss for BTS/HYBE.

Also, I don’t think the three track are subunit tracks that people have speculated. 

Yet to Come (The Most Beautiful Moment)

Come on, aren't they just telling us there's more and better to come?

Is PROOF linked to Festa?

So when I thought about the date of the album launch, my immediate thought was it’s gonna tie into Festa 2022. However, now I’m thinking what if PROOF is the theme and the main focus of Festa. And therefore, if Festa occurs normally we can expect to get a Festa timetable around 28th/29th May and possibly a mini announcement next week about a week before that too. If that happens, I’ll be looking at 2 key dates from the PROOF promo, 6th/7th and 13th, and whether we have a possible link up. On the 13th, I’m expecting some kind of live stream event, that includes a performance of some songs, like Bang Bang Con.

I don’t expect any tour announcements, because BigHit has a tendency to announce tours about a month prior to an album release. Though if they are going on tour, I expect them to announce it this week. But like I said I don’t expect it, but I’ll come to that later…

Proof and Door

The interesting thing, when looking at the promo schedule, I was very intrigued by the concept photos on between 27th - 29th and 30th - 2nd. They are called ‘PROOF’ and ‘DOOR’, for me this ties in with the original press release, with the concept of past and future. 

PROOF, is clearly about the past. The word has multiple meanings, but the two key ones are evidence of fact and protection, which is what they are providing, with the anthology.

Now DOOR, links in to the new chapter (i.e. future), it’s a metaphorical door, stepping into the unknown or into something wonderful.

This PROOF/DOOR idea is the new phase on the album cycle. Could PROOF replace Festa or merge with it and Door becomes an over arching theme for future projects, which weird has been hinted at with Film Out doorways. Also, Door links with BTS/ARMY logos.

“New Chapter”

So what is the new chapter, that HYBE, BigHit and BTS all go on about?

Firstly, I think later in the year we’re gonna get the album that I thought we were getting on 10th June, a proper studio album. Probably around October/November. But will the album be called DOOR? I’m thinking yes.

Also, I watched DDKTV the other day , and they discuss this very issue and mentioned many KNETZ think that BTS/HYBE already know that BTS aren’t going into the military full-time (i.e have assurances from the government) and that releasing PROOF now is merely a stop gap.

I also think BTS will also take more ownership of their content and music. I expect Suga and RM to produce tracks on the album going forward, and for the members to write more of their tracks than ever before. We might see more mixtapes next year, once the military thing has been resolved. I expect more things outside of music moving forward also.

As a side note…

Carl Jung and Doors

We all know how important Carl Jung's theories are to BTS’s music, it’s interwoven into several tracks and themes across multiple albums. Well, Jung has connections to Doors too…

Jung was once quoted as saying:

“The dream is the small hidden door in the deepest and most intimate sanctum of the soul, which opens to that primeval cosmic night that was soul long before there was conscious ego and will be soul far beyond what a conscious ego could ever reach.”

He also had an inscription placed above the door of his house:

"VOCATUS ATQUE NON VOCATUS DEUS ADERIT." In English translation, the inscription reads: "Called or not called, the god will be there."

In a letter of November 19, 1960, Jung explains the inscription:

It says: yes, the god will be on the spot, but in what form and to what purpose? I have put the inscription there to remind my patients and myself: Timor dei initium sapiente [“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.”] Here another not less important road begins, not the approach to “Christianity” but to God himself, and this seems to be the ultimate question.

[kyotakumrau]

2020.12.18 The World You Live In at Zepp Namba, 1st event report

I arrived with friends past 1:15 (door time), but lettings fans in here was very smooth. And there were leaflets for sukekiyo's January shows/MADARA and Dirt waiting for us on our seats.

After the interview, live footage and music videos, staff brought two long tables on the stage with 4 chairs. Fujieda again started with greetings and introduced himself and Takabayashi, and finally asked the audience for the applause for the band members as they come on stage.

Kaoru and Kyo came then.

Kaoru wore all black, jacket, glasses.

Kyo had green hair (same as for the a knot calendar photo session), shocking pink jacket, washed denim, pink socks and white trainers. He wore sunglasses.

They both introduced themselves with simple '薫です' and '京です' but I love how different it sounded for both of them.

Fujieda again talked first about the live footage from March. Kaoru commented that with the document it was really busy. For Kyo it felt that the staff, especially the staff under the stage was restless, moving a lot, but he himself just came and sang.

Next, Fujieda outlined the events in 2020 like he did in Nagoya, he asked if they watched the audiostreams.

Kyo: Yes, I watched all of them.

F: and then yours came last.

Kyo: I could really feel member's personality showing there.

Ka: how was the order out setlists came out decided? Was it after we submitted our setlists?

Takabayashi said that no.

Next Fujieda continued with the 2020 timeline and asked about what they can remember from the Pia VIP meetings.

Ka: I thought that Mr.Higuchi was really nervous interviewing all five of us at the same time.

Kyo: first day the atmosphere was so gloom it felt like a funeral.

After that they moved to the topic of Ochita single, F sked them about filming.

Ka: it finished so quickly, in an instant!

F: did you also feel it went by very quickly, Kyo?

Kyo: not that, there was something else. When filming we were working with a new director. For the first time, I got praised when shooting. Like only 5 minutes passed but he was all 'that's great! yes! very cool!'. Huh? What was that supposed to be? Being told that so much wasn't it too much? And then he had some issue with equipment and asked to go again. When the director saw my costume first he also went 'huh wow!' And the place was so narrow.

After that they moved to the merch items for this events. F passed them their own items and Kyo just kept holding the choker, almost like being frozen.

Meanwhile Kaoru said that there's no special meaning behind deciding to produce the pouch. Then, Kyo, asked about the choker, reacted.

Kyo: isn't this super cool?

(and then again)

Kyo: it's seriously cool. It's super cool. ...it's super cool. ...it's super cool.

(all the time just holding and looking at it)

F: about the embossing?

Kyo: not that, it's just super cool.

Agreed😆🖤

Then F announced they will move to the part with questions from fans. He divided the question sheets and passed them to everyone. But Kyo just kept moving to the next page, next page, next page...

F (trying to avoid silence😂): there were many questions on similar topics, I grouped some of them, many people asked about a movie you saw recently, movie you enjoyed.

Ka: I saw 'Hansekai', a Japanese movie.

Kyo: (after a moment) I watched 'Videodrome'.

He told us a bit about the plot, that you start questioning there what is real when watching. He said it's an older movie, and I didn't catch it but there was some connection with Robocop? He said he's also watching 'Friends' and Netflix's 'Dracula'.

After that Kaoru read a question from a fan: 'F seems to be really loved by all members and staff, but can you tell us how do you actually feel about him?'

Ta kept it cool just saying F is his kohai (younger friend/colleague). Kaoru, too, said that F is cool. But then it was time for Kyo ('s rant)🤣

Kyo: I would like to say you're cool, but there are those things I told you you should try to work on. You say you can eat anything, that's okay, but the way you eat is just, too eager (talking about his eating manners), you're even biting your lips, you also ask me about things when you don't really care, and then you reply with 'yeah yeah'. Don't do it. Saying 'yeah' once is fine, but saying 'yeah yeah' is too much.

(possibly didn't get it all xD)

F: I'll be careful. ...any questions you'd like to read?

Kyo (just kept moving on to the next paper, next question, next, next): nothing good.

Kaoru to the rescue picked a question, but had comments.

Ka: 'I'm moving the day after tomorrow and I'm curious bout the life with many people together (in a big group). How is it when you have to stay together?' Is there a connection between this and moving?

He talked about touring abroad and spending time together in a bus, but they just go to sleep soon. But there are more chances to talk before the shows.

Ta: 'can you recommend us any good restaurants in Osaka?'

nothing from the band members besides heavy thinking😂

Ta: 'which do you like better, takoyaki or okonomiyaki?'

Ka: I like both, but I don't eat them much. Monja(yaki) is better though.

Kyo: Monja is good, but choboyaki, from Kyoto, is the best.

Ta: I like both.

F: I eat everything. But abroad it's more difficult.

Kyo: ...the kebab chicken story.

He told us about the time when they were touring, he always stays on the bus so he would ask a roadie to go get him something to eat. He was thinking about eating McDonalds, but then F suddenly said 'let's do kebab!'. After F said that it's not like he could say he wanted McDonalds.

F laughed but got scolded by Kyo.

Kyo: I told you not to laugh like that! Like just a moment ago!

😂

Kaoru brought up that they played at Osaka Jo Hall on this day in the past. They talked about some trouble they had and the venue staff being angry at them.

Kyo: I don't remember anything from that day. I deleted it from my memory.

F: but you chose I'll and Zan for your audiostream.

Kyo: I wanted to do it for my setlist. But then I saw on twitter few fans wrote they want me to do it, I got upset and almost changed it. Almost. In the end nowadays it's something we wouldn't do.

Ta: 'anything you're into now fashionwise?'

Kao (after thinking): nothing really. ...but I'm not wearing socks today.

F stood up to check.

Kyo: You're THAT interested???

F: just wanted to see what it looks like.

Kyo: that's really weird.

F: 'what's the 'fashion point' for you today (the main idea of your look)?

Kyo: well, what do you think?

F: pink?

Kyo: the whole outfit, you're dead!😂

F: ...but even your socks are pink?

Kyo: you really think pink is the main idea?  Look at my hair, green, I couldn't wear this outfit if I had black hair. It's about total balance! You're really a weird one.

all the love😂

F: 'winter is a nabe season, so what is your favorite nabe?'

Ka ...talked a lot about different types of nabe to make at home.

Kyo: nothing in particular.

F: what nabe do you want to eat now?

Kyo: what do you think?

F: k...kimchi nabe?

Kyo: I was going to say you're dead if you say something else than kimchi nabe.

F (laughing): I got it right?? But I wanted to hear I'm dead😂

Ta: I like chanko nabe.

Ta: 'what's your favorite tea?'

Ka: don't know, I drink a lot of jasmin tea, but I just buy it in a bottle.

Kyo: any tea is okay.

F: I drink Tokucha (for dieting benefits)

(there's one question here when I zoned out) *found my missing bit: there was a question about the name for their fans, toriko. It came from a poster of Die from MACABRE era, fully dressed up, it said 'I'll make you into my slave'.

F: 'what's your favorite alcohol?'

Ka: wine, Napa Valley, I think I talked about it with Mr.Higuchi (at the Pia VIP meeting).

Kyo: I don't really drink now.

He said he used to buy some stuff to make drinks, cocktails, but doesn't drink now.

F: 'what's the most fun moment or something interesting you've done recently?'

Ka: so we've never played here before, at Zepp Namba. When we arrived we talked together in the dressing room. It was nice to have a chance to chat.

Kyo: same really.

Next, F talked about the additional streamed event and the filming.

Ka told us he felt funny when filming (with motion capture) because one of the sensors to record his movement was exactly where he usually plays the guitar so he had to hold the guitar a bit higher than normal (he showed us how it looked and it was quite funny).

Kyo said that when he was filming, and he went second, Die was first, they had to wear costumes like a Mojimoji-kun (like a black skin tight onesie), he felt Die looked much better, and it really made him feel bad, that his style was too 'minimal'. He felt shocked and didn't really like the filming.

F asked everyone to join them on New Year's Eve and next asked band members for the last comments.

Kaoru: We're not able to do concerts and it's very difficult now to gather together like this, so I'm really grateful you all came. We're thinking a lot about what we can do next year.

Kyo: It must have been difficult to come here today, I'm sorry. And 'おおきに・ookini・thank you/sorry for the trouble.

F: oh sudden Kansai dialect.

Kyo: I'm from Kansai.

F: It's fine if Kansai person uses Kansai dialect.

Kyo (turned to fans again): ookini.

Kyo waved to the audience, then they stood up and stood looking at fans a bit, bowed and finally left.

(unfortunatelly I only went to the 1st slot, but might dedicate my time on the train to Sendai tomorrow to collect some bits from twitter!)

[thexfridax]

Translated interview

Adèle Haenel: Figurehead of the new French Film

by Daniel Kalt, in: Die Presse, 13th of December 2019

Additions or clarifications for translating purposes are denoted as [T: …]

Adèle Haenel talks about her new film, gender roles and a new cinema by women, which oddly doesn’t give much space to men. [T: 😊]

Adèle Haenel came to Vienna for the Viennale [T: annual Film Festival, here: 24th of October to 6th of November 2019], playing the lead role in the opening film ‘Portrait of a Lady on Fire’. It’s one of those hot almost summer-like autumn days, prior to the photo shoot Haenel is sitting in the scorching heat on the terrace in front of the studio and greets a purring cat, which is passing by, in German. Haenel is the daughter of an Austrian translator, and grew up in [T: Montreuil, in the Métropole du Grand] Paris. According to her, she spoke the [T: German] language as a child, but forgot about it later on, ‘as is often the case’. Only for her role in Chris Kraus’ film ‘The Bloom of Yesterday’, where she plays alongside Lars Eidinger, did she relearn German. [T: Now] in Vienna, the actress, who is one of the most celebrated in contemporary French cinema, is a bit tired after a long promotional tour for her film, which [T: all] began in Cannes. The uproar, which Adèle Haenel will cause a couple of weeks later, when she accuses the French director Christophe Ruggia of sexual harassment that took place during the shoot of her first Film ‘Les Diables – she was still half a child then [T: !?] – preceded Vienna and is therefore not mentioned here. Because of her film projects and her statements as a prominent creative artist it seems obvious to ask whether she considers herself a feminist, to which Haenel responds in a heartbeat: ‘Yes, absolutely. And in capital letters, go ahead and write down FEMINIST.’

Adèle Haenel plays young Héloïse in her new film, which is now shown in cinemas across Austria, and is directed by Céline Sciamma (the two women were a couple for some time, it is their second joint production). After the death of her sister, [T: Héloïse] was brought back from the convent to her family’s home on an island in Brittany. The story takes place in the late 18th century, Héloïse is supposed to be married off to Milan. But first, it’s necessary to send a portrait to her future husband, which should please him. Héloïse refuses the gaze of the painter – the ‘male gaze’ –, who was commissioned to paint her. So, her mother resorts to a trick and hires another artist [T: called] Marianne: She should spend a couple of days with Héloïse as her companion, without revealing her [T: secret] mission. Through gazing at her furtively and catching glimpses of details – lips, an ear, the position of hands –, will she piece together a portrait of Héloïse. But tension builds between the two young women, which leads to a short-lived and passionate affair.

Interviewer: Your new film takes place in the late 18th century – how did you prepare for the role?

Adèle Haenel: This wasn’t my first period film, ‘L’Apollinide’ [T: House of Tolerance, 2011] for example is also from the same era, just before the French Revolution. Besides, I have mainly tried to create the character of Héloïse around a certain concept, a certain image. The historic perspective wasn’t key for me to prepare for the role. Playing in costume was mostly to place this [T: film] in a certain time. But it wasn’t my top priority to lend credence to my character by putting it in a historical context.

I: What is the main theme for you: love, art, liberty, the liberty of art?

AH: The film is mainly about love and particularly about what love can be. It is about desire, the pleasure of intellectual exchange and a blossoming friendship. And then there is also the aspect of art and artistic expression, which leads to an extraordinary relationship between the two main characters. Another important point was also to show love that’s different to what you usually see in films: It is not love at first sight, no ‘coup de foudre’ [T: repeats the same phrase in French], but emotions that are developing slowly and in which you immerse yourself, because they are connected with deep admiration. The film also explores in-depth the central theme of the ‘female gaze’ as counterpoint to the dominating male gaze, which has been prevalent in cultural products for a long time.

I: Does it make a difference for you to be ‘directed’ by a female director, as the term ‘director’ implies in English?

AH: I’d like to state here that I’m an extremely political person. That is why it is important to me to describe the relationship between the actress and director [T: the female form of director is used here] accordingly: It is not a vertical relationship for me, where I’m directed by an opposite, but an equal exchange. We developed this film together, conceptualising love in a way where one character does not dominate the other. I also have a responsibility to carry as an actress, especially in a film like this, which is constructed around the gaze and the person who is looking [T: both genders are included here]. My character is not a passive muse, we tried to break this idea. In fact, it is not the story of an artist [T: male form is used here], who enters a room and sees a woman who inspires him, but something completely different.

I: Would you say that Héloïse is at first motivated by anger about the situation?

AH: You could talk about anger, but this means to break down the bigger issue of resistance to an individual level. It’s not mainly about the anger of this character, but it’s about how she as a woman reacts to her specific situation. Society often denies women the right to live as we want to or our own projects. That’s why I think it’s better to talk about resistance against the entirety of the patriarchal system.

I: How did you express this in the way you acted?

AH: In the beginning Héloïse’s gestures and facial expressions are quite restricted, very much contained. The love story then takes up more space over time, likewise my acting is becoming more generous. That also makes sense from a political point of view:  At first there’s the question how to resist the ruling order: Either you sacrifice yourself, because you’re caught up in the system. Or alternatively, as I chose to do for Héloïse, through absence and withdrawal. This means, I negate my existence and I’m only present as detached figure – as object, so that no one comes close to me as subject. My absence is therefore a way to resist.

I: Was this the first time you’ve structured a role like this?

AH: Yes, although I always ask myself profound questions when preparing for a role. That’s the main theme for me, how to create feelings and emotions that leave behind the screen.

I: Do you have a desired impact in mind with your craft?

AH: I would like to spark off something like a mimetic reaction among the audience, which goes beyond the feelings and emotions in the film. [T: 🔥] Let’s call it a vibration, which resonates in real life and which I would like to set off. That’s all the more important, because it allows for new storytelling. In ‘Portrait of a Lady on Fire’ we make fun of the patriarchy. A conscious decision was made to almost entirely exclude men from the picture. We don’t convey a political message openly, but instead are very concrete by not showing something.

I: Do you consider yourself a feminist?

AH: Yes, absolutely. And in capital letters, go ahead and write down FEMINIST. And you, are you a feminist? I see the reluctance to openly support feminism among men rather than women. There are of course women who are sometimes reluctant to support feminist demands. But this is the result of a specific system, in which women are oppressed. There was and still is an expectation for us to subordinate ourselves, or even become extinct. The time for women to speak is always less than for men, irrespective of the context. And this is despite the stereotype of women talking more in general: Gloria Steinem quite rightly says that it’s not about the actual time that women are speaking, but about the silence that is expected of them.

All pictures by Elsa Okazaki