#everything with him and hwa makes so much sense now

[jensthwa]

show & tell (SMG x reader).

part of the love's an uncharted path universe ★.

SUMMARY:

You have known Mingi since you both were fourteen. You’ve been by his side through thick and thin and you would do anything for him, really, considering he’s your other half. When he has an unfortunate bed experience and asks for your help and you say yes, he starts considering that, maybe, you’re just the best friend a guy like him can have.

PAIRING: best friend!mingi x afab reader.

GENRE: childhood best friends to ?

WORD COUNT: 8k.

WARNINGS: SMUT ☽ (MINORS DNI) attempt !!! at comedy, wooyoung being a little shit, hwa being the voice of reason, sex talk, pet names (love and also dude and bro but in a sweet way), mingi scaring the sense out of you, descriptions of female anatomy, kissing, dirty talk (sort of), teasing, a little bit of voyeurism, fingering, squirting, almost getting caught, unresolved feelings.

NOTES: had to do a lot of research for this one, so i figured nothing better to post as my first fic here! this is 100% self indulgent, as all fics should be, and i think i've re-read it so many times that if you find a typo or something that just doesn't make sense, you can blame it on english not being my first language i guess lmao. i hope you enjoy it and if you do feel free to send to my askbox/reblog/type in any feedback or thoughts! <3

POSTED: july 18th 2024.

masterlist. / part two.

“Delete her number right now!” 

“She's such a bitch for saying that to you…” 

“And over text too? Wow.” 

“Yeah, no, I didn't like her from the start.” 

Wooyoung’s living room comes to life once again that morning, voices echoing and insults flying out, all towards the girl Mingi’s seeing. 

Was seeing. You're sure she's out of his usual rotation with the lovely shit show she just caused. 

You stay silent, your eyes fixed on your best friend's expression, on his red cheeks and apologetic eyes because everyone told him that girl was bad news. 

He should've listened to you when you told him you liked her friend better. She was a sweet girl, clearly had a thing for Mingi. 

Unfortunately, Mingi has a type. And that type always ends up breaking his spirit one way or another. 

But you stay silent, letting your friends have their little rants about how much of a bitch she is for hurting Mingi's ego like that, until he covers up his face with his hands and lets out a frustrated whine. 

“That's enough, everyone. I think he got it.” You smile a little and everyone turns to you, Yunho’s chest heaving and everything but Seonghwa (who also kept his mouth shut all this time) interferes before anyone else has the chance to start again.

“You know you shouldn't feel ashamed for that, right?” he asks Mingi, who slowly lowers his hands to his lap and looks at you for a brief second. You nod, confirming what Hwa says “No one is born knowing everything and she shouldn't expect you to know how to make a girl squirt.” 

“Jesus Christ,” Mingi whines again, closing his eyes “Don't say it like that.” 

“How else should I say it?” Seonghwa is confused but he laughs a little bit and turns to you. 

Being the only girl in the room, you think everyone it's expecting you to pick your friend up and join them in their insults but you can't (for Mingi’s sake). Instead, you let out a sigh “I mean, it's hard to even make it happen on your own without any help, Mingi. I don't know what the fuck she's on but…” shrugging, you extend your arm to pat him in the shoulder two times “Hwa’s right.” 

“So you do know?” 

“Woo—” Hongjoong reprimands right away and you turn to Wooyoung, confused.

“Huh?” 

“You said that it's hard making it happen,” he explains, smiling because he just found a new target for the next few days “So you must know.” 

Talking about sex with them was never difficult, it didn't make you uncomfortable whatsoever but you know what Woo is doing. 

You look down at Mingi before answering though and his eyes are glued to the carpet, begging for the topic of his unfortunate encounter with that bitch to die on everyone's tongue. 

So you take mercy on him. 

“Oh. I mean… Yeah.” You shrug once again, leaning back against the cushions on the couch while Wooyoung claps like he just heard the most hilarious joke ever. 

“You truly are amazing.” 

Rolling your eyes, you get up from your comfy seat “Sure. But it took a lot of practice and the whole ordeal was frustrating for me, so, again, I don't know what the fuck she was on,” you say again, smiling down at Mingi before taking a few steps towards the door “It's noon already, by the way.” 

“Shit.” Woo gets up quickly from his spot on the floor and everyone else follows suit. 

“Alright, everyone out! We have a midterm to cheat on.” San calls out and everyone takes it as their sign to actually leave (not just hang around the apartment) and continue with their days. 

This reunion was a little impromptu, just because Wooyoung texted everyone begging to come over and hang out with him and San before their online philosophy midterm. 

“And by that he means that you need to stay,” Wooyoung hugs Seonghwa hard, almost begging him with his eyes “We didn't study… Don't look at me like that! Please?” 

“I'm not doing your fucking midterm for you!”

You chuckle, leaning on the door and waiting for your ride home to get his shoes on. When you look down at him again, Mingi mouths a thank you and you blow him a kiss. 

When you get downstairs, you swear you still hear Wooyoung begging his senior to take the test for him. 

Everyone is quiet in the car. You can tell they're tired from exams and life in general, so you don't press them with questions and just let the music play in the background while you look out the passenger window and, eventually, at Mingi. 

His grip on the steering wheel lets you know he's a little more affected than he let on back there. But, again, you say nothing. 

You know better than to pressure him into telling you his feelings. 

Mingi and you have been friends forever. He lived a few houses down from yours, becoming your first friend when you moved to the city. You both were fourteen when it happened, so you've known him long enough to know what happens when he gets his heart broken. 

Not that Mingi loved that girl or anything, but he never really took embarrassment well. He didn't when the first girl he liked rejected him in front of the whole ninth grade class and he didn't when his pants ripped in the middle of the stage while performing a routine with his dance team on senior year. 

You stood by his side every single time and every single time he waited to sit down and let everything out, collect his feelings and talk to you through his frustrations. You really loved that about him, because he never said anything he regretted just because he was upset at the moment. 

Maybe that's why you two have been friends for so long. Opposites attract, or whatever your mother told you one time. 

In reality, you think it's because you two complement each other well. 

He knows when to speak his mind and you're kind of impulsive, heart on your sleeve and sharp tongue ready to defend your and your loved ones honor if needed. 

That's why it takes a lot of strength for you to not pull up that girl's number from his phone and give her a piece of your mind. 

One by one, you drop your friends off in different parts of the city and when it's time to go into your own house, you circle the car and Mingi rolls his window down.

He reads the look you give him a little too well, so he opens his mouth to stop you but you shake your head. 

“Call me, come over or just let me know if you need anything,” you start before he says anything “If you need me to beat her up, I can do that too.” 

He huffs out a laugh “You don't even know how to fight, love.”

You sigh at the nickname, he's been using it since the time you told him you had a crush on his friend, way bsck in highschool, and that you were positive you were going to get together and he would csll you love because that's what good boyfriend's do. 

Turns out, you weren't exactly his friends type. Neither were the other girls in your school. 

“I don't give a shit, I'll do it,” You two smile to each other fondly for a few seconds and then you tap the top of the car “Thanks for the ride, dude.” 

“You’re welcome, bro.” He rolls his eyes, annoyed because he hates when you call him that, but waits for you to get inside either way. 

And in the solitude of your room, you wait. 

You distract yourself with papers that are due in a few days, you start studying for your finals even though they're months away and you even go downstairs to say goodbye to your parents when they leave for a fancy dinner with their colleagues before you hear your phone ring. 

Mingi's FaceTime comes right on time, because you were getting really anxious from the radio silence on his end. 

“I have a small query for you.” He puts on an accent that makes you grimace immediately and he laughs at you. 

“Ew. Never do that ever again,” you beg, going back upstairs to your room “Go ahead.” 

“How do you do it?” 

“Excuse me?” 

“How the fuck do you make yourself squirt, love?” 

Oh. 

Definitely not the conversation you were hoping to have with him. 

It caughts off guard and you stammer your response “Um… You— I mean, it's not really a thing I can explain.” 

“You have such a way with words, though.” 

You stare at him through the screen, annoyed, and he just laughs again “Don't make me come over and beat you up.” 

“Alright, alright,” his giggling dies out and you distract yourself from the heat you feel creeping over your cheeks while putting away your statistics prep for the quiz you have next week. There's a bit of silence and then you hear him sigh “I do really want to know, though.” 

“If you're asking me this to then go over to her house and prove her wrong, I'm not telling you shit.” 

“No! No, that's not it at all,” he defends himself quickly when you turn your head to the camera, scowl in your face “When she asked me to do it, I really did try to make her, you know…” 

“You said squirt so freely a minute ago, Mingi,” you tease, smiling, but at his expression, you give in “What exactly did you do?” 

“I tried to, you know, do it like they do it in the movies,” he demonstrates his point with his free hand, his middle and ring finger down on his sheets, pressing and moving side to side “And she was enjoying it and she came, but nothing really… came out.” 

“Wow, first of all: you make her come and she has the nerve to give you shit over text? I hate her,” you shake your head, disappointment written all over your face “and second of all, that was a terrible mistake.” 

“What? Going like this?” He does it again and you roll your eyes, laughing a second later. 

“No, dude, trying to porno your way into making her squirt.” 

“Oh.” His movements on the sheets slow down and you grimace again. 

“Please stop doing that,” you beg and he snaps out of his thoughts to look at you through the screen. You take your phone and move to the bed, resting your head against the pillows with a huff. 

You ponder for a moment. You're sure telling him what he wants to hear it's not really a threat to your friendship, but it's also something that's very personal and intimate. You can talk about sex with Mingi and the other guys, sure, what doesn't mean you tell them about your sex life. 

Maybe that's why Wooyoung was so excited earlier today, because you spilled something that involves you directly and not something vague and general like you usually do. 

“Would it give you peace of mind if I explained it to you?” You ask, your voice barely a whisper as you sit straight on the bed. 

Your best friend takes what feels like a lifetime to respond and, when does, it's in a hushed tone as well “Please.” 

You groan and you comply either way, trying to find the right words to even start “Okay, I'm going to be very technical about this.” 

“I wouldn't expect anything else from you.” 

His teasing tone makes you glare at him for a few seconds before dismissing it with a click of your tongue “The very first thing you need to make sure happens, is that you wash your hands—” 

“Yes, Y/N, I'm not a virgin,” he huffs this time, annoyed “I know all of that, just skip to the part where I make her squirt.” 

“Jesus, fine! I also want to clarify that this works on me and I'm not really sure if it'll work on anyone else, alright?” he nods and you look away from the screen because you're not sure how to look him in the eyes “The first thing that I do— The first thing that you need to do,” you correct yourself quickly “Is make sure she's comfortable. And I mean, the space. Towels, water bottles… She needs to hydrate a lot.” 

“Hydrate… a… lot…” You turn your head to the screen and your jaw goes slack at what you see. 

“Are you writing this down?!” 

“I’m making sure I don't forget anything!” 

“You're unbelievable…” You let out under your breath and take a deep one before resuming the, apparently, class “Squirting can be confused as peeing and—” 

“Shit, hold on.” He interrupts and you hear his mom’s voice at the door, asking him something you can't really catch through the shitty airpod audio “It's just Y/N… I'm not really saying anything so I don't understand how I'm being too loud for— Yes ma'am.” 

You try not to laugh because he's literally being scolded right in front of you. 

Old habits die hard, and Mingi's mom loves to put him on the spot. 

Your laugh dies hard as well, because the next words, for some reason, make your heart drop to your ass. 

“She's telling me to either cut it out or go to your house, so… I'm coming over.” 

“Oh, I— Hello?” Your lockscreen mocks you because the call literally ended before you could tell him to go and fuck himself “Shit.” 

You don't know why you panic, but you do. You tidy up the room, you change your pijamas into something more presentable and you try to remember what were you telling him before he pulls open your bedroom door. 

“Mingi! Fuck, you scared the shit out of me “ you're panting, hand over your chest. 

He’s also panting, like he runned to get to your house, but he looks dumbfounded by your reaction “Your mom literally gave me the spare keys in your presence.”  

When he steps closer, you notice he's wearing cologne and that his hair it's a little wet, still, so you figure he took a shower before calling you tonight. 

Which means he probably wanted to sleep everything off, like he usually does, but whatever this is made him call you. 

“Yeah! But I thought you— Nevermind.” He shrugs and gives your hair a kiss before he moves to sit at your desk, the same way he usually does when he steals your laptop and notes to complete his assignments for the few classes you share. 

God. Somehow, you wish he was doing just that so it brings back some sense of normalcy. Maybe then, your heart can calm down enough for you to understand why this specific situation has your senses going insane. 

You sit back down on your bed and try to get your heart back to its place in the meantime. 

“They're not home, right? I didn't see your dad’s car.” 

“Company dinner.” 

“Ah.” He nods and you both fall in uncomfortable silence. It shouldn't be awkward, but it kind of is, even if you laugh when he pulls out the notebook he was writing on from underneath his oversized shirt and steals a pen from your pencil case, it's still a little weird. 

You gulp. 

“So, squirting can be confused as peeing.” He recalls the last thing you said with a smile and then he turns to look at you for a second “Go on.” 

You're grateful he's taking notes all of the sudden. He's turned to you, so you have a clear view of his back and you can freely take a grounding breath before continuing “It can make you feel very uncomfortable if you think you're going to pee yourself and that's really why most women don't squirt in the first place.” 

“You sound like you're reading a text book.” He confesses with a laugh. 

“I told you, I'm being very technical about this— Besides, I did my research when I was trying to…” you gulp again “You know.” 

“You said squirt so freely a minute ago.” Mingi teases you the same way you teased him earlier and you squint your eyes in return. 

“Very funny. Anyways… Yeah, when you feel that, you usually tense up. You need to relax before even making it happen,” he nods, writing it down quickly “I also read that, depending on the person, you can confuse the liquid with, like, usual… arousal? Yeah, arousal” you sound more confident the second time you say it, unsure on how to call it because you never really explained anything related to your vagina to anyone else. 

He turns to you, confused “So… If she doesn't squirt a lot, how can I tell if she did it?” 

“I guess you'll notice it in her reaction?” You shrug and then cough a little to try and get rid of the sudden lump on your throat “I mean, it's not my case, so I wouldn't… I wouldn't know that.” 

Mingi, because -you guess- hates you, just raises a brow and looks you over one time before turning back to his notes. 

“A-anyways,” you cough again “It's all in her g-spot. It happens because it gets stimulated and that g-spot it's like…” you, once again, try to find the ideal words to explain “It's like the upper wall of the vagina? No, no, that's not right,” you see him draw a line over what he clearly wrote down on the paper and you laugh, apologetic “It's more like the, uh… Like the front wall of it.” 

“Front wall?” 

“Y-yeah?” you offer, nervous and unsure “I mean… Ugh, let me explain again. Something that you need to take into account is that you can only find it if she's really, really turned on.” 

“O… kay.” 

“Sort of like when you get hard we, uh, also get hard. Just differently,” you notice he's no longer taking notes when you turn to him again and the room is suddenly very hot. 

The AC’s on, right? 

Fuck. 

“And apparently it only really shows up when you're really aroused. The g-spot, I mean,” Quickly, you're up from your bed and walking around it, fetching your water bottle and taking a big gulp of it with your eyes closed. 

Mingi clears his throat a second later. 

“So it feels hard to the touch or…” 

“Not really, um… It kinda feels like a berry.” 

He laughs “What?” 

“Yeah, it's kind of soft but it has a texture to it too. And we, uh… have this gland that fills up with the liquid— Kind of like a prostate gland! Yeah, that's what that article said,” putting even more distance within Mingi and you, you sit back on the bed, just on the other side “If you try to do it before it fills up, you end up with nothing. That's what frustrated me the whole time I was learning how to do it.” 

“You didn't drink enough water?” 

“No, no— It fills up when you get really turned on. And when I was trying, I was trying way too hard and didn't, uh… I didn't do a lot of foreplay before trying, s-so.” You nod, finishing the explanation in a softer voice. 

Your cheeks feel hot and you swear your upper lip is sweating a bit. Why would you even say that? 

“Y-you didn't touch yourself enough or…?” 

“Exactly, I didn't, I just… Tried t-to stimulate it. Wasn't even wet enough so I used, uh, lube.” 

“Oh… Lube. Sure, okay.” He nods again, and then moves his hand over his face, looking away for a second “And then?” 

“I'm not really sure how to… Give me a second.”

What were you even telling him before exposing yourself like that? Before the tension in the room skyrocketed in a suffocating way? You're not sure. 

Oh, foreplay. Okay, what's next? 

“Fingering,” you say out loud when you remember and at the sudden word Mingi turns to you, eyes wide and you stumble over your words yet again “Y-you need to finger her to stimulate the g-spot, duh.” 

“Don't duh me, Y/N, I'm learning!” 

“Sorry!” 

“Okay! Now what do I do when… fingering.” 

That makes you frown. You're not really sure what to tell him next. So you look straight ahead and, unintentionally, move your ring and middle finger the way you do when you're touching yourself. 

In the silence of the room, you audibly hear Mingi’s breath hitching and that draws you back to reality. 

When you look at him, his eyes are solely focused on your fingers. 

“I don't really know how to explain this next part.” You sound apologetic, your lips tensing into a straight line. 

A bit passes. 

And then another one and another one where Mingi looks at you with a weird, foreign expression on his face. 

So you open your mouth to apologize to him, but he beats you to it. 

“Then show me.” 

You swear you never even heard him sound like that before. Or maybe you have, the tone of voice similar to when he just wakes up, low, grouchy, as if his throat might be dry. 

It just never affected you this way. 

“W-what?” you blink hard, a few times, trying to focus on whatever the hell is going on. 

“Show me how you do it… I-if you want to.” 

“Mingi!” 

“I just— Look, you don't have to,” he says right away “If you don't want to, you can forget I ever asked but I'm so… curious”, he says, getting up from your desk chair and planting his knee into the bed “And I'm also really butthurt over what happened. I want to learn but I don't really have anyone else to ask.” 

“What about, uh… Minseo! Yeah, what about her?” you offer quickly, also getting up. 

“San's ex?!” 

“I don't know any other woman that you also know, Mingi!” 

He gulps and breathes heavily, gathering his words, his thoughts, just like he always does and you remember: This is Mingi. Your Mingi. The Mingi you've known for years and care about more than anything. 

“I'm asking you because I trust you,” he says, looking you over once again “And because if I fail, you're not… going to make fun of me for it.”

There it is. 

You soften at that and he seems to relax at your reaction. His demeanor lets you know he's not just saying that because he wants to see you touch yourself, he's being honest. 

So you decide to be honest, as well. In a whisper, because your voice will tremble and give away how strongly you feel about his request. 

“I've never done it in front of anyone before.” 

“So no one has ever make you—” 

“No,” you confirm before he even gets it out and you sigh “I never ask for it and I haven't really… I've only slept with—” 

“Hangyeol.” He nods and scrunches his nose in disgust at the memory of your highschool boyfriend. They never really got along and it was a shame, because Han was a great guy, he just wasn't the one for you. 

“Mingi,” you walk over to him and he straightens up his spine “This could really… I mean, there's no getting rid of me on this lifetime, buddy,” reminding him makes him smile and you do as well, nervous, your body on high alert “But this could mess us up.” You finish in a whisper. 

“I'm not letting that happen.” He says back, eyes scanning your face before zeroing on your eyes “There's no getting rid of me either, love.” 

That nickname is going to be the death of you, you're sure. It makes you suck in air you very much need at this moment. 

Fuck it. 

“I'll… get the towels, then.” You smile a little even though your cheeks are burning and you feel a little dizzy while holding his gaze, but you don't back down. 

Before you move, though, he stops you with his hand holding your waist “I know where they are. Stay here.” 

You could literally melt right now. And you know it's a short trip to the downstairs hallway closet from your room, so you make sure you strip your duvet before things get messy. 

You should go to the bathroom, too, to clean yourself up a bit before Mingi finds out what you find out when you sit on your bed. 

You're so wet. 

And it's so fucking embarrassing, because you're not supposed to feel this way for him, for this.

Because, if anything, this is clearly just an educational experience.

And if Mingi’s excited look when he re-enters your bedroom tells you otherwise, you're choosing to ignore it for the clearly educational experience’s sake. 

“These will do?” 

You take the two mismatched towels and place them on the bed right away, not even looking at him. 

“Yep.” 

You think he nods but you're not sure, you just caught a glimpse of him moving towards your desk while you pretend to fix the towels in the bed to perfection. 

“Okay, so… You need to, uh, be comfy and shit. Drink water, you just did that a few minutes ago…” when you turn to him, he's reading his notes like he's actually about to conduct an experiment and you chuckle before shaking your head “The… The foreplay part should be next, right?” 

“Right…” you drag out, biting the inside of your cheek before he looks back at you. 

“You look really tense, Y/N,” he deadpans, looking down at his notes again “You need to relax so it can happen, right?” 

“You're about to see me touch myself and you think I can relax?” 

“Oh,” he frowns, immediately and then blinks a few times to refocus, you think “I'm not the one doing it?” 

“Uh… Yes? Later? I thought you wanted to see me first, y-you… You asked me to show you…” 

You can feel him think, the gears on his brain twisting and you think he's going to backpedal at any second because he's not really saying anything. Then you see it, the moment the image crosses his mind. 

And the next second you have him in front of you, towering over your form and then he's not.

Getting on his knees, he tentatively places a hand on your knee and parts your legs so you can make room for him to touch the end of the mattress with his chest and raise his chin just enough to make you think he's asking you to kiss him.

Oh God, you want to kiss him. 

His voice is a sweet murmur when he speaks again “Show me how to get you there, love,” he sounds like he's pleading, like he's begging you to instruct him and your breath catches when he moves his hand up your thigh “What do you like?” 

Your mouth moves before you can even think “Kiss me.” 

You don't even notice you're leaning forward until his breath fans against your chin and he tilts his head even more so that your noses touch. 

“How do you like being kissed?” 

You breathe out a laugh, a little annoyed by his constant questioning “Figure it out, Mingi.” And then the last thing you see is his smirk before his mouth presses against yours. 

It's not what you expect. If anything, you expected him to take the lead. Han used to do so, all the guys you've ever kissed did it as well. You don't really know why his patience surprises you, but it does and if your heart could race even more, it would. 

Because he waits for your guidance, waits for you to grab his shirt and jank him closer, waits for you to sigh against him and then returns the gesture when he feels your fingers move upwards and tangle in his dark hair. 

His mouth is complying to yours, his tongue is exploring it and wetting your lips in the process and you've never felt this good with anyone before. 

That's something you'll need to unpack later, but your brain disconnects when your best friend lets out a noise the second his hands touch your waist under your shirt and you forget, for a split second, that the point of this is to have you on your back pleasing yourself for him to learn. 

Because you want nothing more than to hear him make that noise again. 

The kisses grow needy and so do you when he trails a path with his wet lips from your chin to your neck and the next thing you know is that your back is against the towels you laid down before and his mouth is kissing the valley of your breasts over the cotton of your shirt. 

You look down and it takes a second for him to feel you staring before he looks up at you “Should we take this off?” 

Your voice gives away how gone you are when you reply a simple yes and your shirt is on the floor the next instant. 

Now, you're sure this is not the first time Mingi has seen you in your underwear. You both have gone swimming before and he has walked into your room a million times while you're getting ready. You're even sure he's seen you walk out from your bathroom in this specific bra before… But he's staring at you like it's the first time he's been able to trace the way your breasts spill a little bit over the fabric of this old bra you decided to wear today, like it's the first time he's allowed himself to enjoy it. 

Like it's the first time he's allowing himself to feel any sort of attraction for you. 

“Fuck,” you whisper, shallow breath hitting his cheek when he returns his mouth to your jaw “Let me… Come here.” 

You scoot up until your head rests against your pillows and he follows, resting his body weight on his side and chasing your mouth when you turn your face to him. 

You should speed this up. There's no way you're not going to feel like shit if tomorrow you wake up and remember you're letting yourself enjoy this more than you should. 

There’s no reason for you to lose your breath when his fingertips trace softly the skin under your breasts or for your legs to grant him access so quickly when they reach your belly and bypass every other part of your body before going straight in between them. 

And he notices it too. 

“I don't know why I asked you so many questions before,” he starts, turning his hand so that he back of it and his nails start caressing the inside of your thighs through your sweatpants “I know what you like. I pay attention to you whenever we're talking about sex with the guys.” 

You frown, about to remind him that you never speak directly about your own experiences but he continues his ministrations, giving your other thigh attention “I usually watch you closely in case any of it makes you uncomfortable, but I notice your reactions when they speak about something that you like.” 

Oh. Heart on your sleeve, your biggest flaw. 

“Like that one time Woo was going on and on about marking and you couldn't stop fidgeting on your seat…” his nose traces your jaw softly before his teeth take the skin underneath it and you gasp just enough to prove him right “Or that time Yunho said he hated teasing because he's an impatient little shit” he chuckles, his index finding the spot next to your mound and going down slowly until his knuckle graces the crevice where your leg and your hip connect “and you defended it until we had to stop you guys from yelling each other over it…” 

Your breath shakes and your eyes close at the sensation “Mingi…” 

“Am I wrong?” 

You shake your head no and you can all but hear him smile when he speaks again. 

“Of course I'm not.” 

You open your eyes and expect him to look at you the way he does when you're unable to defend yourself against his quips, but he's not. His eyes are following his own actions and his bottom lip is pulled by his teeth when he takes the fabric of your sweatpants and pulls it up, enough to give you some friction where you need it the most. 

“Can I take this off?” 

“Fuck, y-yes.” 

Joining your shirt on the ground, you're left only in your underwear while Mingi is fully clothed and it bothers you out of nowhere. 

“You're so wet already…” he observes and you blush, puffing some air and covering your eyes with you hand. He just laughs “That's a good thing, it means that I'm doing okay.” 

He's doing more than okay. Damn all the experience he has and the way he reads you so well. 

But his sweet tone gives you some clarity and you support your weight on your hand to fix your position on the bed. 

“Alright, let's… resume the lesson before my parents get home.” 

“They probably won't for now. The company dinners last until like… two in the morning, usually, right?” 

“That's when they decide to go out for drinks.” 

“Your mom always wants to go out for drinks.” 

“Let's not talk about my mom right now!” you beg and he laughs again, making you chuckle alongside him and you're glad he's talking all of this -the kissing, the teasing, the sweet-talk and the wet patch on your underwear- so well. 

The awkwardness from before dissipated the moment he got on his knees in front of you and all that followed was this lovely tension you're dying to keep between the two of you forever even though you shouldn't. 

“Show me, love,” he pleads and you sigh, his mouth finding your cheek for a quick second, encouraging you “And then you can show me how to make you feel good, too.” 

You stare at him for a few seconds “Damn, you're good,” he shakes his head and you smile, getting rid of your underwear and pushing the quick moment of embarrassment being bare with him in the room gives you “Remember that this is what works for me, okay?” 

He nods and then props himself up so he can see it better. 

You take a second before your fingers dive into your wet folds and, when you do, you gasp at the feeling. 

You've never been more wet just for kissing and teasing before. What the fuck. 

You do what you usually do when you're alone for a while and try to contain yourself from moaning because Mingi's eyes keep moving from your fingers to your face. Then, you remember you should be talking him through it, as well. 

“You see how I'm building it up?” you start, chest heaving and he hums as his reply “I'm not trying to make myself come but I'm kinda just… edging myself a little bit.” 

“Edging,” he repeats and then hisses when he sees your thumb pressing into your clit just how you like it, making you sigh heavily “I know all about that, that's good.” 

“Y-you do?” 

“You'll be surprised,” he smiles, proud of himself. 

“Okay,” you continue, taking a deep breath “Then you know about prepping, too,” he nods “So, a finger first…” you say, swallowing hard when your index makes its way into your cavity without much effort. 

Dragging back and forth for a minute or so, you're incapable of containing yourself any longer. Air leaves your mouth in pants and your eyes close when you drag the pad of your finger upwards, locating your g-spot with ease because you're used to it.

“And then, two fingers.” 

“Mhm.” 

“Look at the position of my hand. I read that these two fingers work the best because they're longer than the rest, although…” you look at Mingi's hand over your belly. You didn't even noticed before this that he was touching you, but he is and his thumb is tracing a pattern that both relaxes you and sends shivers down your spine “I'm sure that it won't be a problem for you, huh?” 

He sends a cocky smirk your way and you would've smacked him if you weren't so… preoccupied. 

Pressing your precious spot and then dragging back and forward, you stop the movements altogether. It felt too good, way more than good and it's a different sensation of what you're used to. 

And it's all because of him. 

You look at his side profile, his eager eyes commiting to memory what you're doing to yourself, probably taking mental notes now that his notebook is long forgotten over at your desk and… 

He deserves this. He deserves to be the one to have this, just tonight. 

You hate to leave what feels like it's about to be your best orgasm in the hands of someone who's just learning, yet alone a man.

But Mingi is not just any man. 

“Mingi,” you call and his curious eyes leave your heat a second later “your turn.” 

“Did you… Did it happen? I didn't see anythi—” 

“No,” you interrupt him, your fingers leaving you and you turn to him, your clean hand finding his face “show me what you learned.” 

His mouth parts, but you have a newfound confidence and a glint in your eyes that is new, so nothing comes out. 

“Prove that bitch wrong.” 

That seems to do it. 

His eyes go from being confused to spark with determination and want and electricity runs through you again because he seems so relieved he gets to touch you sooner than expected. 

Shyness and nervousness buried six feet under, you both smile to each other before you feel him. 

His fingers gathering your wetness, his thumb finding your clit with ease and expertise. 

“Wettest pussy I've ever touched.” You can tell he's a little lost in the heat of the moment but it's okay. So are you. 

Fuck. 

It's been way too long since someone else touched you this way, so you all but melt at the circles he draws on your clit. He paid close attention before, because he's touching you just the way you like it. 

“That feels so good…” 

“Yeah?” he asks, dark eyes finding yours before a particular stroke forces you to close them. And then he gathers enough slick to insert his ring finger inside and you can't help the moan that slips past your lips. 

You lift your hand to cover your mouth, but Mingi clicks his tongue in feign disappointment “I want to hear if I'm making you feel good, love. Don't hold back on me just because this is unconventional.” 

The worries die altogether with that. 

And now that you have free reign to stop containing yourself, you don't know how to stop. 

It's not long before his index joins his other finger but he doesn't go for it right away. He fucks you slowly, allowing you to get used to the unfamiliar stretch of his way longer, way thicker digits until they slide in and out with little effort. 

His pace picks up after what feels like ages and your hand fists his shirt for the second time tonight, nodding and moaning in encouragement. 

“Deeper,” you instruct “curl them upwards and go deeper, you'll feel it then.” 

He obeys immediately, his chest heaving and his mouth parting in delight when he finds it. The pad of his finger presses down on it tentatively and your grasp on his shirt hardens.

“Is that it?” you nod and he does it again, which earns another moan “What do I do now?” 

Before you completely get lost in the feeling, you decide to drop the step by step bullshit aside and give him the full instruction in hopes that he'll remember it all without fucking up: “What works for me is pressing… Fuck, yeah, just like that a-and then…” you take deep breath “Just a little harder… Yeah, then rub it in a circular motion while maintaining that same pressure… Fuck, Mingi!” 

He's a little too good at following instructions, because he touches you like he's been doing this forever and soon you feel the familiar swell, the usual buildup of it all and he's taking you over the age like it's nothing. 

You forget how to speak, you forget how to tell him what he needs to do next and so, when you finally explode, you take his wrist and place his two fingers over your clit. 

When you move them side by side, he lets out a fascinated giggle but knows exactly what to do. 

A second later, your release is coating your thighs and the towels underneath you and you don't register anything else because your ears are ringing. 

Did you lose consciousness for a second? It feels like you did. 

That was the best fucking orgasm you've ever felt in your entire life. 

And when you come back down, you only register the sound of your breathing and plump lips kissing your face, his fingers stopping their pace once he realizes you're done with it. 

Opening your eyes, you stare at your popcorn ceiling for a second. Then, you look at Mingi who's already staring at you with a what the fuck just happened expression. 

It makes you laugh. Softly at the beginning, post-orgasm bliss takes over but then Mingi laughs too and your whole chest swells with inexplicable pride. 

You don't think twice before kissing him again. When you realize you did it, you pull back and blink at him like he didn't make you see stars three seconds ago. 

“That was…” his eyes do the thing he usually does. You never notice it until now, but he scans your face so frequently you've grown used to it, but now… It feels different. His teeth nip his bottom lip and he shakes his head before speaking “Come here, love.” 

And then he's kissing you again, slow, intimate, beyond the stupid lesson you just taught him. 

But you don't mind it one bit. 

You sit up, getting on your knees on the bed and basically forcing him to do the same. Ignoring the gross sensation of the wet towel underneath you, you pull him further into you until his chest presses against yours, until his hands roam your body and settle on your waist, securing the embrace. 

This time, when you pull away, there's this whole unspoken new thing between you. 

“That was…?” you press, smiling a bit, pulling both you and him back to reality. 

Right now, with you half naked and his hard-on pressing on your belly, it's not the time to discuss your feelings. 

“Possibly the coolest thing I've seen,” he starts, giggling when you roll your eyes “and the hottest thing I've seen, too,” you shrug, dismissing his stare because it's making you feel hot all over your body, again “and I'm really, really grateful you said yes, love.” 

The soft tone he uses to say the last bit relaxes you and you nod, deciding it's not the time to tell him you never even came like that on your own. 

Instead, you decide to grasp this intimate moment and extend it as much as you can. You can see Mingi is not expecting it when you reach his sweatpants and let your shaky thumb trace the outline of his cock. 

Closing his eyes, he lets out a pleased sigh before he grabs you by the back of your neck and rests his forehead against yours. 

“This is supposed to be purely educational, Y/N” 

“Is that what you want it to be?” you softly ask, pulling your hand away but then his hips buck and chase after your touch, making you smile despite the emotions swelling in your chest “Let me help you… Please…” 

“Fuck, don't beg me, love.” 

“Don't make me beg, then.” 

What the fuck are you even doing? 

“Y/N, I—” he stops suddenly and you're too lost in the moment to notice why. 

But then the sound of keys and a door closing downstairs scares the fuck out of you and you push Mingi away without thinking it through. 

He lands with a thud on your bedroom floor, next to your discarded clothes. 

“What the fuck, Y/N?” he whispers-shouts, both shocked and offended, but you're getting off your bed and picking up your clothes and the soaked towels so you don't really care about his feelings right now. 

“Bathroom. Now.” 

You're so blessed for having your bedroom right next to the upstairs bathroom. And so blessed that it is your bathroom and you don't have to share it. You’ll get on your knees and thank your gods afterwards, but right now you can only think one thing.

Don't get caught. 

Lord knows you'll never hear the end of it if Mingi walks out of here with a hard-on. Your dad will kill him, your mom will cheer because she loves the idea of you and Mingi together and you'll probably pack your bags and move away if it happens. 

When you lock the door behind you and make a quick show of putting your underwear and pants back on, you hear Mingi chuckle. 

“We can always tell them we're having a sleepover, Y/N, you didn't have to karate kick me off the damn bed!” 

“Hush!” But he just keeps giggling at your very obvious flustered state.

You're about to rip him a new one when he takes two strides, backs you against the bathroom sink, and catches your lips in a quick, sweet kiss and all your worries dissolve just like that. 

“Guess they didn't go for drinks after all..” 

“You think?” cocking your head to side, the smile on your lips can't be fought at this point. 

He returns it and leans in for another kiss, longer this time and you sigh against his mouth before pulling away because you really, really shouldn't be doing this right now. 

You hear your mother calling your name and then footsteps up the stairs. A murmured she must be sleeping and a hum from your father before they pass the bathroom door. You truly only relax when you hear their door closing at the end of the hallway. 

“Okay, we're safe now.” 

“When were we ever not safe?” 

“When I was half naked on my bed, Mingi!” 

He shakes his head with a smile and takes a step back. 

You clear your throat. 

“I really did want to help you out but—” 

“Raincheck?” he asks and at you hesitation to say yes, he continues “If you want to. If you don't, it's okay. We… We'll figure it out, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

He smiles again “Good, uh…” 

Mingi seems unsure on what to do next. Feeling the same, you decide the best thing to do is to get him out of here. 

Opening the bathroom door, you carefully peek into the hallway, taking his hand in yours and beckoning him to follow you down the stairs, trying to make as little noise as possible. 

“Shit, your shoes…” you whisper. 

“I don't think they noticed if they didn't barge into the bedroom to check on us like they usually do, love.” He returns, in the same tone. 

That does nothing to ease your mind, but he makes sure to put them on quickly and then grabs your shoulders, shaking you in a teasing manner. 

“Quit worrying, Y/N. I can feel you thinking.” 

Of course he does. There's no one, in this world, that knows you better than him. 

It makes your heart flutter and it shouldn't. But you're getting on your tippy toes and stealing a parting kiss before you think about it too much. 

It's irresponsible for you to do so, but Mingi grabs your waist and extends the duration of the kiss and suddenly you don't give a fuck about your parents or anyone else finding out about this… shift in your dynamic. 

“See you tomorrow?” he asks against your lips and you nod. 

“See you tomorrow.” 

And with that, he leaves. 

You lock the door and practically run to your room after. 

What the fuck have you done?

If you read all the way down here: THANK YOU SO MUCH. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated and since it’s an open ending (sort of), let me know if you want a second part! 

© jensthwa, 2024.

[tenelkadjowrites]

The Heart's Filthy Lesson - Seonghwa x Reader (NSFW)

🪓Summary: Your best friend has always been dedicated to you. But isn't everyone's best friend like that?

🪓Word count: 15k

🪓Playlist for this fic can be found here.

🪓Genre & warnings: one shot smut. (twisted) best friends to lovers. unreliable narrator. elements of horror. descriptions of stalking against the reader, violence against others (not the reader), unhealthy relationship dynamics. dom hwa. dirty talk. underwear is torn off reader. oral sex, reader receiving. choking, reader receiving. unprotected sex. creampie.

this fic is not meant to represent seonghwa in any way, shape or form.

               You’re fumbling with your keys, trying to get it into the lock without dropping your overstuffed bag. Why do I overpack so much? You curse inwardly. Every time, you swear that only essentials will be packed. Somehow, that ends up meaning enough underwear for a month and clothes for three different outfits a day even when you’re just visiting family.

               You manage to get the key in the lock, practically tumbling inside your small apartment on the third story. Unceremoniously dumping your bag on the floor, you let out a long sigh. Like all family visits, you’re glad for them but also socially drained.

               Padding into your living room, you wince a little. Way too much light in here, you think, I thought for sure I closed the blinds when I left. You turn around, fighting off the urge to take a nap. The trip is catching up to you, leaving you tired.

               But you stand in the middle of the room, feeling a strange sense of unease. The living room looks entirely the same yet you cannot shake the sensation that something is different. It’s just cuz I thought I had closed the blinds. But the words ring hollow in your head.

               In the quiet atmosphere of the apartment, you can distantly hear the traffic outside and the neighbor upstairs moving something heavy around. Your eyes slowly look across your kitchen counters before landing on a small pile of mail.

               Curiously, you walk towards it, picking up the stack. There is a small sticky note stuck to the top with just a quickly drawn smiley face on it, the ink smeared into the paper on one side. Frowning, you peel it off and go through the mail. All of it is from when you were gone –

               A knock on the door makes you jump, pressing your hand against your chest for a second. The pile of mail drops back to the counter, scattering across it as you go to the door. You don’t check who it is. You already know.

               Opening the door, you find yourself face to face with your overly enthusiastic best friend.

               “Hey, I remembered you were supposed to be back around this time so I figured I’d come over to say hi.”

               “Hi, Seonghwa,” You say, already moving to the side to let him in.

               He glances over his shoulder at you while heading into the living room. “How was the trip? How was your family? Did you tell them that I said hi?” Every word is said quickly, as if they are all fighting for importance and can’t decide what order to pop out in.

               You push the door closed, trailing after him. You’ve known Seonghwa longer than anyone else in your life – he used to live next door where you befriended one another at just six years old. You went to the same high school, even the same college and when you decided to move to the city, so did he. You lived on different sides of the city at first until a year ago, when the apartment building finally had an opening and now he lived just one floor under yours. The two of you were a team – you knew everything about him and he never forgot a detail about you. Things were comfortable…although maybe a little too comfortable.

               You cross your arms, leaning against the wall. “You brought my mail in.”

               He turns to look at you, smiling brightly. Seonghwa always had the same countenance – pleasant and happy. “Yeah, of course.”

               “I don’t remember giving you a key.”

               “Oh, your plant needs watering.” He leans over and touches the wilting leaves gently, already moving past the fact he let himself into your place without asking. “Want me to do it?” He looks up at you.

               You sigh, walking towards him. “Seonghwa,” You touch his hand gently, trying to get his attention.

               His expression falters just for a moment before guilt pops in behind his eyes. Seonghwa looks tired, although that isn’t new, because he’s always on his computer at all times of the day and night. He glances downward at where your fingers had grazed his skin for a split second. His profile is so familiar to you – the sharp curve of his jaw, the long nose, his perfectly plump lips hiding perfect teeth. This is the same man you’ve grown up with your entire life. You know objectively he is beautiful but you’ve known him for so long that it no longer catches your notice. From the time he got in trouble for pushing a kid bullying you at the playground when you were both eight years old to sneaking out while in high school to go drink to this very moment, he’s always been there. That’s why you dislike whenever you come off as though you’re lecturing him.

               “It was from two weeks ago. Remember? I had to let the plumbers in for you,” Seonghwa protests.

               “You’re supposed to give the key back,” You hold out your hand, wiggling your fingers.

               He ducks his head, some of his hair falling in front of his eyes as he looks down at the sagging plant. “It’s in my place. I don’t keep it on me.”

               “Fine,” You sigh, “Next time, okay?”

               Seonghwa bites down on his bottom lip for a second before his eyes lock on yours. “It happened six months ago. I mean, don’t you think – I think I’ve done a good job at not crossing a boundary since then.”

               You hadn’t been expecting to have this conversation today. But maybe that is your own fault for constantly putting it off. It isn’t even that you’re mad at him anymore. But coming home late one night to find him passed out drunk in your bed after using your key to get in just felt like shattering a boundary. You took your key back after that, giving your best friend a dressing down even though he was apologizing profusely. 

               “I mean, you technically weren’t supposed to use the key to drop off my mail,” You point out.

               His cheeks flush. “I was trying to be helpful,” He mumbles, eyes darting away from your face.

               You sigh, knowing you’re going to give in. That is how it usually worked with Seonghwa. He was always the overzealous best friend, eager to help you even to the extent that it resulted in too much on his own plate.

               “I know,” You reply, “And I appreciate it.”

               His face lights up, all earlier guilt and tension erased immediately. Seonghwa immediately begins to pepper you with questions about the trip back home, leaving the earlier conversation about boundaries long passed. You aren’t sure if anything you said even sunk into his head. Likely not, you think.

               After all, you know Seonghwa so well. You know what sticks to him.

*

               “Hey!” The familiar chipper voice snaps you out of your mindless phone scrolling.

               It’s two days later, after work, and you’re meeting Seonghwa for a coffee. The key issue is long forgotten, overtaken by the daily events of life that naturally take more importance than your best friend helpfully bringing in your mail.

               He’s pushing through the crowd of people that have formed looking for a late afternoon caffeine boost. It had begun snowing earlier and there are a few snowflakes melting in his hair. His brown jacket hangs off his thin frame, the same jacket he’s had for easily a decade because he doesn’t care enough to buy a new one. It’s well worn, fraying at the seams near the elbows, and you’ve seen it against the backdrop of a multitude of different coffee shops.

               “Am I late?” He stands by the table, looking down at you, not paying attention to the man trying to get past him while carefully balancing two cups of coffee in his hands.

               “No. Even if you were, it’s okay. I was waiting for you before I got anything.”

               You move to get up but Seonghwa shakes his head quickly. “No, no,” He nudges you back in the seat gently, “I’ll go order for us. It’s too crowded.” He is looking in your eyes. “I know what you like.”

               He’s gone then, back in the crowd, moving towards the counter. You watch him go, turning your attention back to your phone. Ten minutes later, Seonghwa returns, handing you the coffee and sliding into the seat across from yours. The table is crammed in the corner, a clear attempt to try to fit more seats inside since the snow is coming down.

               “I’m getting sensory overload in here,” You remark when someone smacks your arm with their laptop bag on accident.

               “Do you want to go?” Seonghwa leans forward, “We can go if it’s too much.”

               “No, it’s fine,” You shake your head, “I should have given more consideration to the time, I guess. How are you?”

               He drums his fingers against the table while answering. “Fine. The usual. How was work?”

               “The usual too. That project I’ve been stuck working on finishes next week – ow,” You wince as someone else hits your arm while squeezing through the tight space between your table and the next.

               Seonghwa reacts like lightning, too quick for you to even say anything. His hand reaches for the strap of the man’s bag and he gives a sharp tug on it. “Hey!” He snaps and the man looks over his shoulder with wide eyes, “Pay attention to where you’re going!”

               “Seonghwa, it’s fine –”

                “I’d rather walk in the snow than be in here,” He says curtly, grabbing his coffee cup and gesturing for you to follow.

               You do, and out in the cold, let out a small sigh of relief. Alright, maybe the idea of leaving the crowded coffee shop was the right choice. The soft layer of snow that is forming across everything is ruined by the many feet trampling over it hurrying to get home after work.

               But you walk slowly along the sidewalk with Seonghwa, neither of you speaking for a few minutes. You glance out of the corner of your eye to find him looking at you.

               He clears his throat quickly and asks, “What were you trying to say in there?”

               “Oh, the project. It’s winding down next week. I’m relieved.”

               Someone cuts in between the two of you and when Seonghwa moves back closer, he is no longer looking in your direction. “Is the project leader still texting you outside of work?”

               You blink, a little surprised he remembers such a small detail from a few months ago. “Yeah, sometimes. But it isn’t anything unprofessional.”

               Seonghwa’s cheeks are slightly red from the cold. He is holding the coffee cup tightly for warmth. “He might ask you out when the project is done.”

               “Maybe,” You reply with a shrug, “We’ll see.”

               Your best friend falls silent. The look in his eyes is from a thousand miles away for a couple of seconds before it snaps back into focus. “Would you say yes?”

               “I don’t know. I guess I’ll see how I feel when it happens.” You hadn’t given it a lot of thought.

               There is another silence which is unusual for Seonghwa who usually fills the conversation easily. But he seems to be mulling something over and is lost in thought – a rarity.

               “What about you?”

               His head snaps up, looking at you. “What do you mean?”

               A lone snowflake lands on the bridge of his nose. You lean forward and brush it off. The gesture comes automatically, instilled from years of friendship. You’ve brushed a thousand snowflakes off his face and shoulders over the many winters spent hanging out.

               “That woman at the coffee shop was flirting with you a few weeks back,” You then frown, “But we haven’t been back since. We could’ve gotten you a date.”

               Seonghwa turns his face away from yours, slowing his pace down a little while watching the rush hour traffic grow larger on the road.

               “No, I’m good.”

               Coming to a stop at the crosswalk, you nudge his shoe with yours. “You haven’t been on a single date in ages.”

               “So?” He turns to look at you, his eyes wide and questioning.

               “Nothing, you just work a lot from home, that’s all. I wouldn’t want you to miss out something fun because of that.”

               “Trust me, I’m not. I just am not interested in awkward dates.” He bounces on the heels of his shoes for a couple of seconds until the crosswalk turns green and he takes off like a shot.

               This is typical of Seonghwa’s walking speed and you try to keep up. “Was I overstepping?”

               “No,” He replies swiftly, his energy bubbling underneath the surface, “But I had a string of very awkward dates all last year and I need a break from them.” He runs his fingers through his hair, still walking at a brisk pace.

               “Right, I get that. I didn’t mean to come off like I was lecturing –”

               Seonghwa stops suddenly, so abruptly that you almost trip over your own feet. “You never come off like you’re lecturing,” He says, reaching out to help steady you, “I understand you just want what is best for me.”

               “Right,” The word sends up a tiny puff of air from the cold, “You’re in your apartment a lot except when you’re with me. That’s all.”

               Seonghwa’s hand is still on your arm but the grip is so loose that you can’t even feel it through the thick jacket. His nails are bitten to the quick. He lowers his hand once he knows you’re not going to fall over.

               He flashes a quick grin, the same expression you’ve seen a thousand times. Your shoulders relax, knowing he isn’t upset with you.

               “Is that so bad? Maybe I just wanna hang out with my best friend right now.”

               “No, there isn’t anything wrong with it. I just need to make sure you’re doing alright though. You’d do the same for me.”

               Seonghwa’s grin softens and he gently punches you on the shoulder. “Yeah, of course I would. I’d do anything for you. You know that.” He straightens up. “Now, come on. Enough discussing how I prefer to be indoors all day. Mental check-in complete. Ask me again in six weeks.”

               “Right,” You are smiling, your concerns about Seonghwa spending too much time alone now allayed.

               “Let’s get home, alright? I’m freezing.”

               The conversation resumes, the ebb and flow always the same, some topics circled back so often over the course of time that they feel more like well read books with their spines bent than anything exciting. But you like that with Seonghwa.

               With him, what you see is what you get.

*

               “Nope, not Mario Party,” Seonghwa shakes his head, stretched out on the couch in his apartment, “You turn into someone I don’t even know when you play that. Half the time, I think you’re gonna tear my face off.”

               You scoff. “Come on. That isn’t true.”

               “Yes, it is. Think about last time.”     

               Shifting awkwardly on the couch, you avoid his eyes. “Whatever,” You mumble, remembering cursing him out for stealing your star.

               It’s a week later and you’re trying to unwind from the stresses of work. The project finished yesterday which meant some relief. It is almost a routine now to pop over to Seonghwa’s, play a video game and unwind – to the point where neither of you ask to confirm, it just happens.

               His place is organized and tidy, in a way that you could never hope to replicate. A shelf lined with books is next to the TV, with another one filled with his Legos he builds to unwind. His computer with dual monitors is in the corner, the chair pushed out from where he hastily got up once work finished for the day. The apartment is comforting.

               Seonghwa gives you a knowing look and you drop the subject, aware he is right. He runs his fingers through his hair before turning his attention to the TV, leaning forward to grab the remote off the coffee table.

               “You hear from that client? The one who is clearly interested in you?” He asks suddenly, staring at the TV while booting up Netflix.

               Surprised, you glance at him and shift a bit in your spot on the couch. “He’s been texting me a bit.”

               Seonghwa makes a noncommittal noise although for one second, you swear his grip on the remote tightens. When he doesn’t say anything further, you’re unsure of where to take the conversation. He’s never shown much interest in who you’ve dated before – in fact, he’s always seemed bored hearing about them, to the point that you barely mention it. You wonder what makes this guy different but something in you holds back asking.

               “I gotta pee,” You say instead, and he just nods, swept up in whatever he’s thinking about.

               You head down the hall and into the bathroom. You’re about to sit down when you notice there is no toilet paper on the roll. Rolling your eyes, you open the cabinet under the sink and rummage around. Why does he never pay attention to this stuff? Better yet why are you surprised?

               The cabinet is as organized as the rest of his place but there is no sign of toilet paper. You try to remember if he stashes it elsewhere but nothing comes to mind. You think of your own cabinet under the bathroom sink and wince. Seonghwa has always been the more organized of you two. You’re lost in thought, pushing aside some cleaning supplies when your eyes land on a strange small black box pushed all the way to the back.

               It’s slim and almost glossy, completely out of place to be shoved underneath the bathroom stick. You chew on your bottom lip, curiosity nipping at your brain. Seonghwa isn’t the one for secrets. There’s probably Pokémon cards or something inside that he misplaced.

               But you still reach for the box, sitting down on the bathroom floor and opening it quietly. Guilt is poking at you for snooping through your best friend’s stuff. You can’t explain what is even driving you to open something personal that belongs to Seonghwa.

               But you do.

               There isn’t a lot inside.

               One pair of underwear. A house key. A small bracelet.

               Your pair of underwear. Your house key. Your small bracelet.

               You stare at the items, not comprehending what is in your lap. The pair of underwear is green lace, one of your cuter pairs, and it went missing months ago. Around the time I found him passed out drunk in my bed, a small voice in your head points out.

               The memory of the night replays. Coming home late, finding Seonghwa fast asleep in your bed, flopped on his stomach, wrapped up in the bedsheets as if it was his own room. You were frustrated at the lack of respect for your personal space. Seonghwa always had a tendency to do such things; back in college, more than once you’d wake up to him in your dorm with a cup of coffee in hand, somehow getting past security.

               But you snapped that night, under a lot of work pressure and startled at finding a shape in your bed in the middle of the night. Waking Seonghwa up, you angrily asked him what he had been doing. Seonghwa slurred his words, said he was drunk and apologized. He sounded panicked and ashamed but that didn’t stop you from demanding your key back. You hadn’t talked to him for three days while he left you a ton of texts and messages apologizing and explaining himself. It was the longest you had gone without speaking to him.

               Back in the present, you gingerly reach for the pair of underwear. Why would he take this? Your cheeks feel hot looking at it. Was he…doing something with this? Surely, that would be impossible. For a split second, your brain flashes a mental image of Seonghwa with his hand wrapped around the underwear as he – nope, no.

                You drop it back into the box, opting for the bracelet instead. It’s a thin fake gold band with a tiny cubic zirconia diamond in it. You wore it over ten years ago, one night at the summer festival. Your boyfriend at the time just broke up with you and all you wanted to do was stay inside until Seonghwa prodded you to go with him. You wore the bracelet then, with a sun dress, trying to make an effort to look presentable. Seonghwa won a stuffed animal at one of the booths and gave it to you. You don’t remember misplacing the bracelet.

               The house key winks knowingly at you.

               You shut the box, shoving it hurriedly back in its spot as your heart threatened to explode in your chest. Your head is spinning, wondering what the hell to do. Do you confront him about it? That is what you’re supposed to do. But what do you even say?

               You turn on the faucet, splashing cold water on your face while trying to gather your thoughts. Could it be that Seonghwa had some sort of crush on you? That is absurd. Keeping the bracelet would mean it has been a minimum of ten years he’s been pining for me. It could be longer. That’s enough to drive anyone mad.

                In any case, you needed to get out of his apartment and try to calm yourself down. You had a tendency not to think very rationally when emotional and it would be better to put some space away from Seonghwa until you figured out how to broach the subject.

               You open the bathroom slowly, trying to collect yourself and steady your breathing. When you enter the living room, Seonghwa is idly watching TV. He glances over at you and then frowns.

               “What’s wrong?”

               So much for looking casual.

             �� “My boss texted me and there’s some crisis with another client. I need to pop back home and get on a Zoom meeting.” You don’t even know where the lie came from but it leaves your mouth smoothly.

               Seonghwa sounds exasperated when he replies with, “You’re kidding.”

               “No, sorry. You know how it is. Big girl job.”

               “Yeah, fine, I get it.”

               You are trying to get to the door without asking him what the fuck but he meets you there, his hand on the door knob. You force yourself to look at him directly – this face you know so well, this face you’ve stared at a thousand times. The same face that won you a stuffed animal at the festival ten years ago. Nothing has changed.

               “I’ll message you later,” You say.

               “Alright,” He opens the door, “Later.”

               It closes behind your back, leaving you alone in the hallway. You stand there for a few moments.

               You have no proof but there’s the sensation of Seonghwa looking through the peephole at you.

*

               Not seeing your best friend for two days does nothing to help you figure out how to broach the subject of the tiny black box underneath his bathroom sink. By the time you see Seonghwa Sunday afternoon, the only idea you have is to avoid the discussion completely and opt to veer the conversation into you going on a date with someone.

               The sun is lazily cutting across the floor of your living room while you pretend to be making coffee in the kitchen. Seonghwa is talking animatedly from the couch about something that happened the day before. You’re not really paying attention. Your mind keeps flashing to the night he fell asleep in your bed, picturing him rummaging through your underwear drawer to take a pair and slipping it into his pocket. You’re remembering the way he comforted you after getting dumped, convincing you to go to the festival. You can see him against the backdrop of the small white bulbs that were hanging off the booths, running his fingers through his hair while explaining with easy confidence how he could win a stuffed animal.

               “Hey,” Seonghwa’s voice cuts through the memories and you blink, looking up from your place at the kitchen counter to see him standing in front of you, “Are you even listening to me?”

               “I’m going on a date Tuesday night,” You blurt out without preamble, “With the client. The project that just finished.”

               Seonghwa looks thrown before clearing his throat and replying, “Alright.”

               But you keep going. “I think we have a real connection. It could turn into something.”

               For the briefest moment, Seonghwa’s face goes startingly blank. There is nothing behind his eyes, and no expression on his face. Then he snaps back into focus, his hands pressing flat against the counter. “That’s good.”

               You’re lying, of course, you doubt anything will come from this date. But if Seonghwa is harbouring some sort of intense crush on you, maybe showing him you’re into someone else will fix things. Knock the thoughts out of his head, redirect his focus to something else. Anything to get out of having a horrible discussion with him that could ruin the most solid friendship you’ve ever had in your entire life.

               “Yeah, I can let you know how it goes,” You say a little too quickly, “Might be good for me. Like, I haven’t had a relationship in a couple of years. I feel ready for one now.”

               Seonghwa pushes himself away from the counter, turning his back to you. “That’s great.” He plops back down on the couch. “Remind me again what I know about this guy.”

               You decide to take this opportunity to really sell this man, to truly drive it home that this could be someone that you will be smitten with. You spend the next five minutes prattling on about him. At one point, you sit on the couch, on the opposite side of where Seonghwa is, still enthusiastically talking about a man you’ve barely thought of the entire time you worked with him. 

               Seonghwa’s face is slightly tilted with his arm propped up on the side of the couch, hand resting against his cheek. He’s looking at the wall, eyes distant. You’re trying to stay the course and see your speech through while at the same time studying his face for any sign that this onslaught of information is settling in. But there isn’t anything, not even a clenching of his jaw.

               Running out of breath, you stop speaking and the room lapses into silence. Seonghwa stirs, turning his face in your direction. There it is once more – the same blank stare from earlier. Nothing behind his eyes, gone in a flash, replaced with the same Seonghwa you knew. You swallow hard, suddenly feeling a little off kilter. There is something unfamiliar in that blankness, something that is brand new ground in the relationship with your best friend.

               “Well, you sound excited,” He says casually, “You’ll have to let me know how it goes.”

               Your shoulders relax slightly. Are you overthinking everything? If Seonghwa was upset, you’d notice, right? You’ve seen him angry or annoyed a thousand times before. But the box still tugs at your sleeve. There’s a reason he has that. There is a reason he kept the underwear, the bracelet, the key. But the idea of asking your best friend why he has a box with such contents makes you want to jump off a cliff.

               And Seonghwa is…comforting. Maybe it is selfish to think of him that way and to want nothing to change, especially if things are different at his end. But he’s been in your life for so long that the idea of him potentially not wanting to be around you anymore due to a crush forming makes your anxiety spike. He’s been there through everything…You can get stuff back on track. You can fix things without mentioning the box.

               You’re sure of it.

*

               Typically, the process of getting ready for a date is somewhat fun and enjoyable. You tend to overthink your outfit but other than that, you like listening to music, doing your makeup and wondering how the night will go.

               This date doesn’t feel like that, mostly because the entire time you’re getting ready, your mind keeps going to Seonghwa.

               You’ve been overanalyzing his behavior since your Oscar winning performance convincing him this date is important. It’s been a few days since your speech and he seems exactly the same. Maybe a little more reserved if you truly look at the small details. But that could be work related, you argue, maybe I need to stop being so self-absorbed and think that everything has to do with me.

               But then you think back to the box with your underwear, bracelet and key. Any rational person would just talk to their best friend about it. Instead, you’re forcing yourself to go on this date in hopes of avoiding it because you’re being selfish, putting your feelings before his and wanting everything to remain normal.

               Your phone suddenly rings, startling you out of your brooding. It’s your client – no, your date.

               “Hello?”

               “Hey, listen,” His voice comes out fast and urgent, “I am so sorry but I’m going to have to cancel.”

               “What? Why?” It comes out way more demanding than intended but you had been banking on this…

               “Some fucking psycho ruined my car! It’s all smashed up! Like, it’s completely fucking ruined!” The client’s voice pitches higher in anxiety and an undercurrent of fear.

               You grip the phone tightly while exclaiming, “What?!”

               “My tires are slashed, my windows are blown out! The doors have these deep gash marks in the side like some lunatic took a fucking axe to it! Even the insides are cut up…Christ, I gotta go, okay? I’m really sorry. We’ll reschedule, I promise.”

               “No, of course, I understand. I’m so sorry. I can’t believe that happened,” You say in shock, “That’s horrible.”

               “Thanks. Again, really sorry. I’ll call you, okay?”

               The call ends as suddenly as it began. You stare at your phone for a few seconds, feeling a wave of sympathy for your client. It would be horrible to deal with your car getting messed up like that. But this meant the date was pushed back…

               Looking at yourself in the mirror, you wondered what to do now. Normally when plans fell through, you’d hang out with Seonghwa. If he found out the date got cancelled and you didn’t come over, he could think you’re avoiding him. But showing up all dolled up for a date that had nothing to do with him could be rubbing his face in things too, couldn’t it?

               “I’m so sick of overthinking,” You mumble, leaving your bathroom and trying to find a hoodie to tug over your outfit, yanking it on over your head, adjusting it a bit and then grabbing your bag, “I don’t care.”

               You’re lying – you care more than you’d like to admit, both about Seonghwa and whatever is going on with his feelings towards you and the fact deep down you’re aware that you are handling this poorly.

               A few minutes later, you’re knocking on the front door of Seonghwa’s apartment. While you do have a key to his place, you weren’t going to violate that boundary even though you knew he wouldn’t see it that way.

               No one answers.

               You knock again but this time you go, “Hey, Seonghwa?”

               Now, you can hear shuffling inside the apartment followed by a muffled, “Just a second!”

               The door opens a second later. Seonghwa has clearly just gotten out of the shower. His hair is still soaking wet, dripping onto his black t-shirt. He runs his hands through his hair, trying to smooth it out but all that does is send some water droplets flying to the floor.

               “What, were you taking a swim?” You joke.

               His eyes land on you. “Wasn’t expecting you to come by. I thought you had that date.”

               “I did but he had to cancel,” You reply as Seonghwa moves to let you inside, “He called me and told me like…his car got fucked up.”

               “His car got fucked up,” He deadpans, raising one eyebrow, “Are you sure he isn’t lying?”

               You scoff. “Seriously? Who would lie about that? He told me someone slashed his tires, broke his windows, banged up the doors and shit. So, he needed to go deal with it. We’re gonna reschedule.”

               Seonghwa runs one hand through his hair again, seemingly unbothered by how wet it is. Even his t-shirt is damp, clinging to his frame. He flexes his fingers on his right hand, an action that is unfamiliar to you. The muscles in his arms move. You’re staring and don’t know why. It’s like he was mid shower when he got out or something, you think.

               “So, I’m the backup plan?” He asks and there’s a strange edge to the sentence, stripping it of any humor.

               You blink, thrown by the tone. “No, I didn’t…”

               But Seonghwa smiles then, and his voice is back to normal. “It’s cool. I wasn’t doing anything tonight. We can hang out. You wanna watch TV?”

               You nod, trailing after him into the comfort of his living room. He goes into the kitchen, opening the fridge and leaning forward to try to find something to drink. His t-shirt lays flat across his back, his black hair curling against the nape of his neck, still dripping onto the tile. You stare at him for a few seconds before settling in on the couch. You’re suddenly acutely aware of the dress you’re wearing although most of it is covered up by the hoodie. He didn’t seem to notice your outfit or makeup anyway. Be serious. He’s seen you on dates a lot of times.

               There is the sound of a beer opening as Seonghwa returns to the couch, tossing you a bottle of water as he plops down next to you. You glance at him out of the corner of your eyes as he takes a swig from the beer, his Adam’s apple bobbing while swallowing.

               “Aren’t you afraid you’re going to ruin the couch with your hair dripping everywhere?”

               He tilts his face in your direction and then rests his head directly on the back of the couch. You roll your eyes.

               “Get a towel.”

               “Nah, I’m good.”

               “You’re just trying to annoy me now.”

               “Yup.”

               The exchange is so normal and familiar that you don’t even realize you’ve sunken onto the couch next to him as he flips through the channels. The two of you lapse into a comfortable silence, so comfortable that you forget the box stuffed away in Seonghwa’s bathroom for the first time since discovering it.

               Apparently, he is comfortable too because at some point, you realize you’re hearing soft snoring. Surprised, you look over at him. He’s dozed off, eyes closed, chest rising and falling peacefully. His mouth is open slightly, head to the side, blissfully unaware of his wet hair. Seonghwa often kept odd hours and it wasn’t so strange for him to fall asleep as soon as he got even mildly relaxed.

               Mixed emotions are mingling inside your chest – a concoction of anxiety, peacefulness, and a sense of impending doom. In this quiet moment, it is as though you’re standing on a beach watching a tsunami approach. You’ve been trying so hard to run from the change that swept in with discovering that tiny box underneath the bathroom sink.

               You want to lean over and wake Seonghwa up, just ask him what is going on. But you still balk at the conversation and at tarnishing this moment where everything feels so normal.

               You wonder if the box is still under the sink.

               Maybe you imagined it.

               With one last glance at Seonghwa, you get up. Even though you’re walking to the bathroom, you cannot shake the guilt feeling swooping over your chest. You glance over your shoulder. He’s still perfectly asleep.

  Seonghwa’s bedroom door is next to the bathroom, slightly ajar. You glance inside out of habit. His bed is perfectly made with a couple of framed posters on the walls. There isn’t anything out of place but…

Maybe it’s the way the light from the hallway lays across the carpet or maybe you’re spending too long looking inside but before you completely pass by something shines for a split second. You slow down and then stop, hovering in the doorway to his room. Your heart is beating quickly now.

One final look in Seonghwa’s direction to ensure he’s sleeping sends you into his bedroom. Now who is breaking boundaries? A little voice in your head remarks cruelly. You cross the carpet towards what caught your eye – the glint of something similar to a knife. The bathroom towel has been quickly thrown over whatever it is.

Bending down, your fingers hover over the towel. Your entire body is screaming for you just to leave and get out of there. You’re snooping, you’re keeping secrets, you’re posturing as if Seonghwa has done something unforgiveable but meanwhile you’re not doing anything better –

You snatch the towel off the object and your heart falls into a pool of ice water.

An axe is laying on the floor. You stare at it while the hair on the back of your neck stands up. “The doors have these deep gash marks in the side like some lunatic took a fucking axe to it!” The words of your date ring in your head with deafening volume. You think about Seonghwa asking for information about the client and how you babbled endlessly in order to convince him this date was real. You knocked on the door and he hadn’t been ready for you, soaking wet, barely toweled off as if he had been busy…what, hiding the axe under the towel?

This is insane. Do you realize what your brain is jumping to? What are you trying to suggest? That Seonghwa went out to this guy’s place and ruined his car? Do you know what that implies? It implies he’s not just crushing on you. It implies there’s something…wrong. There’s something wrong with him. That’s what you’re thinking about your best friend right now.

The anxiety hits you full force in the chest then. You can hardly breathe, quickly covering up the axe and stumbling to your feet. You didn’t know what to do. You don’t even know what to say to him. The most important thing is getting out of here –

“What are you doing?”

You almost jump out of your skin, whirling around to see Seonghwa’s figure in the doorway. His face is half in shadow and one hand is on the door frame. You take a step back, almost tripping over the axe while straightening up.

“I thought you were sleeping,” You mumble and all efforts to make your voice sound normal fail.

“I woke up.” His voice is different, altered.

Seonghwa takes a step into the room and his face is clearer now. Yet there is that same look you have seen flashes of before. The complete emptiness of expression, the utter blankness behind his eyes. There is nothing familiar about him now.

“Now,” He says in a cold voice, “Who is the one breaking boundaries?”

You swallow hard while your brain fumbles for an excuse. But instead of speaking one, what leaves your mouth is, “Why do you have an axe?”

“Is it illegal to own one?”

“No but it’s a little strange to have it on your bedroom floor underneath a towel.” You try to make it come out like a lighthearted joke but your voice quivers, giving you away.

Seonghwa takes another step. In exchange, you back up, over the axe and closer to his night table. It seems ridiculous to be afraid of your best friend. But it also is ridiculous to have a secret box in the bathroom and an axe on the floor.

His right hand flexes and his jaw is clenched. You get the feeling he is trying to wrangle himself under control – but from what? He has all the qualities of the Seonghwa you know but it’s like someone smeared him with a layer of paint and distorted him.

You try again. “Why do you have the axe, Seonghwa?”

He doesn’t answer. Just moves closer. You’re cornered now. He’s near enough to touch, to grab his shirt and demand he answer you – this man you don’t know, this man you’re realizing you might not know at all.

“Why are you in my room?” Seonghwa makes a small noise, a tsk tsk, before adding, “Gonna have to ask for my key back, I think. Didn’t we just discuss boundaries?”

Up this close, you can better see the blankness in his eyes. You can smell the familiar scent of his shampoo and body wash. Your mind is telling you to run but your heart is whispering that this is your best friend, just hug him and talk it out. You don’t know what to do.

You say Seonghwa’s name so softly, just a wisp of a thing against the boiling emotions that are brimming to the surface inside him. “Why do you have some of my things under your bathroom sink?”

Seonghwa recoils, eyes widening in surprise. Your brain tells you to push past him, take this chance and run. But your feet don’t listen. Even now, you want to hear him out. You’re desperate to prove this all some fucked up misunderstanding.

You keep going. “That bracelet. From the night of the festival. And my….my underwear. Why do you have those things? My date calls me, says his car got trashed and that it looks like an axe was taken to the sides and then you’re scurrying around when I knock, hide an axe under a towel. Where were you earlier? Seonghwa, where were you earlier? Why do you have those things? Tell me. If you don’t want me to walk out of here, tell me. If you don’t want to fuck up the friendship, tell me.”

He tilts his face away from you, eyes glassy, looking at nothing. He’s grinding his teeth, something else you’ve never seen him do. Seonghwa’s profile is striking but no longer comforting. When he looks back at you, your lower back nudges into the night table and your hands grip the edge, staring at him.

“I want to fuck up the friendship. I’ve always wanted to fuck up the friendship,” He declares.

You shake your head. “You don’t mean that. That’s not how things are with us –”

“That’s always been how things are with us!” He shouts suddenly, loud enough to make you flinch.

“No! No, Seonghwa, that isn’t true –”

“Don’t fucking lie to me!” His eyes are alive now, twisted, no longer blank but not belonging to him either. He’s so close to you now, dangerously so. The warmth of his body is seeping into yours. The rage is swimming off him, strong enough to knock you over. You have never seen Seonghwa so angry before…and certainly never at you.

“I’m not, I’m not lying,” You plead, wanting to touch him but too afraid of making things worse, “I’m not lying. I was just – I was just trying to understand. The box under the sink and the axe…”

“You’re a smart girl, stop pretending like you don’t know,” Seonghwa growls out, “You know why I have those things under the sink.”

“The bracelet –”

Seonghwa is bristling with an intense energy as he replies, “From the festival night! See, you remember. You knew immediately where it was from. It slipped off your wrist when you were at one of the games, landed in the dirt. I took it. I took it because that was the night I thought ‘maybe’. I thought maybe you’d realize how badly I wanted you. And I think you did realize it. But you looked the other way. I love you but fucking hell, you look the other way when anything might change. But I’m patient. I can wait. I can take care of things and I can wait.”

I love you he had said, so effortlessly, so easily. The air is knocked out of your lungs by his casual admission. Seonghwa doesn’t seem to notice nor care he said it. He just stated it as though it was a fact, like the sun rising every morning. He runs his fingers through his hair, his brow furrowed in memories.

“The underwear, do I gotta explain that? Like I said, you’re smart. You know. I didn’t think you were coming home that night. I thought you were out, picked up by a guy or something. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I had shoved the underwear in my pocket before you got there and it just felt so damn good to be in your bed. Everything smelled like you and just…it was just a lot, you know?” His eyes land on you. “It was wrong to lie, tell you I was drunk. It was the fastest thing I could think of.”

“You lied to me?”

“I’m sorry,” Seonghwa says seriously and you realize he believes lying about being drunk was the worst thing he did that night, not using your key or stealing your underwear.

“You’re – you’re sorry? You violated my boundaries, you slept in my bed, you stole my…and then you lied to me,” You reply aghast, “It’s like I don’t even know you, Seonghwa.”

Seonghwa is starting to look anguished now. He goes to reach for you, thinks twice and drops his hands to his sides before taking a step back, carefully skirting around the axe. Then he stops, considering it before picking it up and tossing it onto the bed, making you flinch again.

“Don’t act like that,” Seonghwa says sternly, pointing to you, “Don’t do that. It’s me, alright? It’s me. You’ve known me since we were kids. I’m still the same person.”

You swallow hard, unable to reply.

He continues to talk, pacing the room. “Listen, for how long I’ve been in love with you, I think – I think I’m doing alright. I’ve never done anything bad to you. I have always had your back. That one asshole back in college – that professor. The science one. Remember? I made sure to stop that shit before it got out of hand. He was out of bounds asking you out. That’s wrong. You’re a – you’re a student.”

The floor is unsteady underneath your feet. You’re staring at Seonghwa as he paces, wondering if you’re going to faint. “That was you? He couldn’t even come back to work after that. He needed physical therapy. His legs…”

“Okay, in my defense,” He holds out one hand to ward off your criticism, “In my defense, I didn’t realize until later I maybe shouldn’t have brought the bat down so hard.”

Your eyes fall to the axe. You’re almost afraid to ask.

But Seonghwa follows your gaze and he immediately makes a noise of protest. “I didn’t lay a hand on that guy.”

“But…but his car…”

“So what? It’s a car. Which he thought was more important than you seeing that he cancelled the date, by the way,” He is talking so quickly that it is hard to follow his words, “You gave me so much information about him and this idiot – I mean, he’s a real idiot, alright? He had so much public information about himself. I found his address in like, two minutes. I mean, this is not the sort of guy you want to be with. He’s too stupid for you.”

You’re feeling dazed now like you got hit with the axe instead of the client’s car. “How did you not get caught?”

“He doesn’t live in the city. Lives in the suburbs, some big fancy ugly house with a private garage. Slipped in, slipped out.” A thought strikes him and Seonghwa moves towards you, holding his hands out to calm you down as if you’re a scared deer. “But I didn’t hurt him. I wasn’t going to hurt him. You seemed to really like the moron. I just wanted to see how badly he wanted to go on a date with you. If his material items were more important than seeing you.”

Thunderstruck, you reply, “Seonghwa, you trashed his fucking car.”

He scurries over, extremely close to you once again. He looks so warm and inviting again, earnest as ever as he goes, “And he picked it over you. He isn’t a good fit for you. Not like me. You get it? Not like me.”

You can only stare at him, unable to reply. Too much is happening. There is too much new information occurring at once. And the way Seonghwa is standing there, looking so open and honest – the polar opposite of earlier when he came into the bedroom, is making things confusing.

Seonghwa tilts his head to the side, his voice a soft murmur while studying your face. “Everything I’ve done, everything I’ve protected you from is because I love you. I’ve always loved you. The entire reason I exist is to love you. I’d follow you to the end of the earth. I’d follow you into hell. Some part of you had to know that. You felt it, didn’t you?”

Your breathing is quick and shallow. You’re grateful for the barrier of the hoodie because you’re acutely aware of how close you are to your best friend. You’re thinking about him moving to the city, and then into your building. You’re thinking of all the various strange occurrences you tried to steadfastly ignore – people getting injured after upsetting you, job interviews that felt horrible only for them to offer you a position, Seonghwa up all hours of the night on his computer looking exhausted and claiming it was just work, the beleaguered quick expression on his face whenever you mentioned him going on a date…

Seonghwa makes a small noise in the back of his throat. “You’re scared. It’s okay. You never liked change and you were never good with your feelings.”

You squeeze your eyes closed while saying, “I thought you’d think I was smitten with him. That you’d…you’d drop this. And we could go back to normal. I didn’t think you’d…”

“Go back to normal?” He scoffs, “What is normal for you? Ignoring what is right in front of you?” Very slowly and carefully, he brings the back of his hand to your cheek, gently brushing it along your skin. The touch makes your heart thud violently in your chest. Seonghwa looks at you tenderly. “I would be so good to you. I’m a perfect fit for you.”

“Seonghwa…” You aren’t sure if his name is a curse, a prayer or just a whimpered plea to let things stay the same.

He is close enough to your body now that you know what is going to happen next. You should push him away, get out of here and call the police on him.

But you don’t.

Instead, you allow Seonghwa to kiss you.

Your mouth opens underneath his, tasting your best friend in a way that is entirely new. The sensation of his lips on yours is dizzying in the most twisted way possible. Seonghwa’s hand goes to the back of your neck as the kiss grows more intense. His tongue is in your mouth and he makes a tiny noise – like some small bit of him is finally finding relief. You aren’t even sure if you’re breathing, too swept up by the mind-bending things that have occurred in the last ten minutes. As the kiss deepens, you tilt your head to the side, your tongue against his now.

There is a small voice in the back of your head quietly asking you what the fuck are you doing? Not only is this Seonghwa of all people but he’s obviously mentally unstable. But there is a heat swooping through your body and there is a need cracking through something inside you that is made worse by the fact you’re thinking about how he’s always had your back since first meeting.

Your hand is gripping the bottom of his t-shirt. You aren’t sure whose ragged breathing you’re hearing but certainly it cannot be yours because you must’ve died ten minutes ago. That’s the only logical explanation for why you’re now desperately kissing Seonghwa; it just simply couldn’t be happening like this.

The heat is unspooling in your chest now, dropping to your thighs. Seonghwa makes another quiet noise while kissing you, so fragile yet tense, and it is in that noise that the desire and fear smash together and overwhelm you.

You push him away with a small gasp, wiggling free from the confined space and placing your hand against the wall to steady yourself.

“I can’t,” You gasp out – although is directed to you or your best friend?

Looking over your shoulder at Seonghwa, he’s staring at you with blown out pupils while his chest rises and falls rapidly.

“You can’t what?” He drawls coldly, “You can’t what?”

You shake your head while saying, “I should be calling the police on you. You’ve hurt people. You’ve damaged people’s property.”

“Oh, please!” His mood shifts quickly again, his tone hostile. He approaches you, so close again, enough to see that his lips are slightly wet from the kissing. “Stop pretending. Stop pretending you don’t feel it.”

But it’s too much – all of it. You shake your head, afraid of…of what? Seonghwa? No, something else. Something worse.

You’re afraid of yourself.

“I can’t – I have to go,” You say, pushing past him, “I can’t do this.”

In all your years of friendship with him, you’ve never run out of his apartment. There has never been any reason to. But you leave Seonghwa in his bedroom with the axe on the bed, quickly scampering down the hallway. You cast a glance over your shoulder to see if he is following.

But he isn’t.

And you’re not sure how you feel.

*

               There is no sleep that night, only replaying the entirety of your friendship with Seonghwa like a horrible movie in your mind. You try picturing him taking the bat to that teacher’s legs but it is an impossible thing to imagine. You wonder what else he’s done. He’s been off, slinking around in the night, breaking into your apartment, sleeping in your sheets.

               You roll onto your side, staring at the edge of your bed. What is Seonghwa doing right now? Is he thinking of you? Most likely, since it has become clear that all he thinks about is you. He isn’t a good fit for you. Not like me. You get it? Not like me. His confession bangs around in your brain, refusing to give you any peace.

               You’re back at the festival, watching him win you the stuffed animal. Seonghwa’s head is cocked to the side as he thrusts the stuffed animal towards you, grinning. You try to refuse it at first but he shakes his head, saying he has no use for it. His hair is softly glowing against the lights. His fingers brush against your wrist while accepting the gift. You feel a sense of contentment knowing you’re here with him and not crying in your room alone.

               What happened the next day? Your ex’s dorm room goes up in flames due to an unattended candle left burning. You remember laughing about karma with Seonghwa.

               But it wasn’t karma.

Unless Seonghwa is your karma.

Your brain circles to the one thing you’ve been trying the most not to think about: the kiss. It is something you’ve never ever considered. Kissing Seonghwa had always been something firmly planted in the realm of impossibility. Anyone of sound mind would have called the police on him, and what did you do? You kissed him.

And even worse, something that you can only admit in the dead of night when the world is still and quiet: you liked it. You enjoyed the small noises of relief Seonghwa made, how hot his body temperature ran, how his t-shirt was gripped in your hand. You enjoyed his desperation. You enjoyed his dedication.

What the fuck did that say about you?

*

               You’ve never gone this long without hearing from Seonghwa. It’s been four days and you keep expecting him to show up. You think he might even be waiting in your apartment every time you come home from work. You almost wish he was. But he isn’t. His silence is throwing you off.

               Maybe Seonghwa is going to skip town, you think in the silence of your bedroom one night. He might think I’m going to turn him in and he’s trying to get ahead of it. The idea of Seonghwa vanishing is eating you up inside. You just want to talk to him.

               But now you feel like the stalker, taking the elevator one floor down to his place with his apartment key in your hand. Even if Seonghwa ignores me, I’m gonna go inside, you think, if he can do it to me, I can do it to him. I just want to talk to him. Your mind is flickering to the kiss. You’re thinking about staying up late with him watching movies over the years. You’re remembering how he stopped going to the coffee shop where that woman was interested in him. You can taste him in your mouth.

               At the front door of his apartment, you knock. Softly at first. No reply. You knock again. You stand there, debating what to do. The key is heavy in your hand.

               What Seonghwa has done is wrong. It’s not just illegal, it’s fucked up.

               But no one in your life has ever looked out for you in the way he did and continues to do.

               His hair, wet, dripping onto the tile in the kitchen. His right hand flexing. The blank look in his eyes. The axe on the bed.

               Still no answer.

               The key is heavy in the lock, and the tumblers sound like gunshots as you turn it. Quietly, you push open the door and creep inside Seonghwa’s apartment. There aren’t any lights on. Silence settles across the place like a blanket. You shut the door softly, wondering why you’re doing this.

               But still, you continue, creeping down the hallway towards his bedroom. The door is open and moonlight filters in through his bedroom window, leaving a small band of white along the hallway floor. You hover outside Seonghwa’s room before pushing the door open wider to allow yourself in.

He’s sprawled out on the bed, asleep. You stand next to it, looking at the way the moonlight lays across his face. His black hair is messy, lips parted slightly as his breathing goes slow and deep. Some logical part of you knows it is bizarre to be watching your best friend sleep like this after using his key. You’re not any better than he is when you act like this, it scolds you.

But you study Seonghwa’s face. The moonlight washes his skin out. His bone structure is so familiar to you but tonight, you’re thinking that once again he looks like someone scrambled his face up with a large brush and showed you it.

You raise your hand to reach for his shoulder. You’re going to wake him up. To ask him…what? You’re not sure. You just want to talk to him.

But before you can touch him, Seonghwa’s hand reaches out in a flash and grabs your wrist, his eyes startingly empty. You gasp in surprise and almost fall back but he is holding onto you too tightly.

“You’re creeping around my place again. I might start getting the wrong idea,” Seonghwa’s voice sounds taunting, almost venomous, “I might start thinking you want to fuck me.”

You’ve never heard him speak like that.

“I wanted to talk,” You reply but the words sound so absurd given you used his key and were watching him sleep.

“No, you didn’t,” He retorts.

No, you didn’t.

Seonghwa pulls you down and you kiss him again, open mouthed and desperate. You gasp from the force of his lips on yours as though he wants to devour you. He’s half sitting up, his hand on the back of your neck, and you’re getting in his lap now, straddling him as his tongue slips into your mouth. He bites down on your bottom lip, tugging it with his teeth until you make a noise and the kiss breaks.

His hands are cupping your cheeks. Seonghwa is looking at you almost deliriously. You hadn’t changed before coming over, just wearing a thin pair of sweatpants which means you can feel him stiff in his own pair, rock hard already, pressing against your thigh.

It’s you who speaks first.

“Why didn’t you talk to me the last few days?” It sounds almost plaintive.

He’s studying your face as his thumbs graze your cheeks. “I was waiting for you to either turn me in or come see me. Whatever ended up happening, I knew what it would mean.”

Breathlessly, you reply, “I wasn’t going to call the cops.”

His thumb is running over your lips. Seonghwa is looking at you mesmerized as if he has never seen something so wonderful as you in his lap. No one has ever looked at you in this way.

“Everything I did, I did because I love you,” His voice sounds like a raw wound, “Do you get that now?”

“I get it now,” You reply, knowing it’s wrong, knowing it’s fucked up, knowing you must have lost it.

His grip on your chin tightens ever so slightly as his eyes grow intense. “I was looking out for you from the moment we first met. I have always protected you. I’ve always made sure no one would harm you and if they did, I ensured they got what was coming to them. You deserve the best. You always have,” His voice is hurried, emotional, “I always have tried to give you the best because I love you.” His fingers dig into your skin. “Do you get that? Do you understand how much I love you? God, sometimes, you would look right through me and it felt like the entire world was ending. Like the ground was just shattering underneath my feet. But I never dreamt of leaving your side. I love you too much even if you didn’t feel the same. I told myself I would just protect you until I died.”

His voice is pure agony, a crackling and fizzling of the years that have gone by spilling out from in between his lips. “You looked at me with such fear the other day when you were in my room, staring at the axe. As if…as if I would ever hurt you. It’s so absurd. I would never do anything to you. Everything I do is because I love you.”

“Seonghwa,” You breathe out shakily, “Your hand…. it’s too tight…”

His eyes drop to the way he’s gripping your face and he releases his hand immediately, apologizing. Your head is swimming, torn between the logical mind telling you to leave and your irrational heart pulled by his words, his love, his promises and protection.

But he feels so good underneath you.

Your lips find his once more and whatever remains of Seonghwa’s speech dies in his mouth, lost in the groan he emits when you touch him again. He shifts slightly so that his leg is pressing against your pussy and you react by grinding down slightly on his knee, just enough to feel pressure against your clit. Your breath hitches as Seonghwa’s hands roam across your body – fondling your tits through your shirt, down across your hips before resting on your waist, pushing you down on his knee.

He’s kissing and biting your neck, hard enough to leave marks. Your hands are in his hair while you grind on his knee. At one point, he bites so hard that you gasp and you swear that he chuckles quietly. Seonghwa pulls away, looking at you with an expression of mingled lust and something more possessive.

“You’ll have to cover that up for your date.” His words are like stone but there is a flicker of toying amusement behind his eyes.

“What date?” You mumble, slightly dazed, too turned on by the way he’s touching you.

Seonghwa laughs, his teeth like daggers in the flash of moonlight before pulling you towards him. His kiss is greedy, one hand sliding under your t-shirt to cup your breast. You’re not wearing a bra, having come over here quickly without putting much thought into it. You can feel him smirk against your lips, as if the lack of one is telling him something you’re not privy to.

He pinches one of your nipples, making you jump. His other hand is on your lower back, steadying you on his knee as you continue to chase your orgasm. It’s evident Seonghwa isn’t going to try to stop you. He leans his head down, tugging your shirt up so that he can wrap his lips around your nipple, sucking on it hard. He switches to the other one, biting on it. You’re making soft noises, a cross between a plea and pleasure, dimly aware that to be doing this with Seonghwa means forever ruining the very friendship you were once so keen on saving. But maybe it never stood a chance. Maybe time just caught up with the dynamic.

When Seonghwa pulls away from your tits, he grabs the back of your head, forcing you to look at him while demanding, “I want to watch you cum. I want to see what you look like when you’re cumming. I’ve pictured it so many times in my head – no, don’t stop. Don’t slow down. There, good girl. Oh, do you like that? When I call you that? Is that gonna make you cum?”

You manage to nod even though his hold on you is tight. He looks different in the moonlight, different in the manner he’s openly staring at you without hiding his feelings. There’s an energy rolling off him that you’ve never felt before, something bubbling to the surface and spilling out – who he really is. Who he hid for so long. You feel like a small bug crawling into a Venus fly trap but you don’t want to turn away.

Your orgasm starts then, after Seonghwa calls you good girl in that voice of his that is dripping honey while hiding a dagger. You can’t believe that you just got off from grinding on your best friend’s knee but you barely have time to come down from the climax before he is slipping your shirt off over your head and tossing it to the side.

He’s groping your tits, rolling his thumbs across your nipples, in seemingly no hurry to fuck you. You thought the orgasm would bring clarity, give your mind release from the problematic thoughts you’ve been having about your messed up best friend and allow yourself to exit the situation.

But you feel no such thing. Instead, you find yourself removing his shirt as well before kissing him hungrily while your hands press against his chest. His arms wrap around your waist and in one swift motion, he has you against the pillows underneath him.

Seonghwa is hot to the touch, his skin almost feverish as your fingers trail down his shoulders and along his arms. He’s moving downwards, his tongue across your nipples, down your stomach, obscenely leaving a trail of his salvia until he reaches your sweatpants.

Hooking his thumbs into the band, he yanks them down, leaving you in just your underwear. He nudges your thighs apart, pressing one finger along your pussy.

“You’re soaking wet,” Seonghwa drawls, sounding both pleased and tormented, “Underwear is fucking glued to your pussy.”

There is something fucked up and thrilling hearing your best friend talk like this. Seonghwa has always been so nice, so thoughtful over the years. Even when he would discuss his dates, he never dove into any details that would come off disrespectful. But now, mask off, it’s evident he’s perverted and unhinged on top of being psychotic. So why do I like it so much?

Seonghwa abruptly grabs the sides of your underwear and rips it with his hands. There is a loud tearing of fabric, his eyes alight while doing so, and then you’re exposed to him. Instinctively, you squirm, trying to close your legs. But Seonghwa is faster and his hands are on your thighs, keeping you open in front of him. His eyes look upwards to meet yours.

“No, I want to see how wet your pussy is from me. No hiding now. I’ve daydreamed about tasting your sweet cunt for far too long.” He turns his gaze back downward, one finger against your wet slit. “God, look at how fucking good you look,” The desperation in his voice is obvious, “What a perfect pussy.”

Seonghwa leans forward and his tongue is in your hole with a pornographic slurping noise as he tastes you for the first time. His nose bumps against your clit as he buries his face in between your thighs, trying to get his tongue as far as possible inside you.

“Fuck,” His words are muffled, “You taste so fucking good. You taste exactly how I knew you would. Can’t believe it took this long to taste your sweet cunt,” His hold on your thighs tightens, “Drives me fucking crazy knowing others had it before me. They didn’t deserve it.”

His tongue drags along your folds until he places a kiss on your clit, just enough to make you shiver. You know that you shouldn’t look down. It will make the entire situation feel entirely too real. But you don’t listen and instead prop yourself on your elbows slightly, just enough to look down at Seonghwa in between your legs.

His eyes catch yours and he lewdly flicks his tongue across your clit just to drive the point home that this is happening and you’re enjoying it. You sharply inhale, your hand grabbing onto the bedsheet. He closes his eyes, focusing on rolling his tongue over your clit slowly, just enough to drive you crazy. You cannot tear your gaze away from Seonghwa of all people doing this to you, making you feel this good. In the moonlight, his shoulders almost glow, and some of his hair has fallen in front of his eyes.

While Seonghwa is working your clit, he slips one finger inside your hole, meeting no resistance from how wet it is. You squirm, head rolling back a little from the new sensation. Still, he doesn’t miss a beat, continuing his soft licks on your clit while pumping his finger. Your eyes flutter closed. It had been a long time since someone ate your pussy this good. It is just fucked up that it’s your best friend.

Seonghwa pulls his finger out of you, eliciting a whine that would be embarrassing in any other case but he quietly shushes you. “Needy girl, you want my tongue back on your clit? Look at me when I’m speaking to you.”

You look down at him, your cheeks warm. His eyes are devious, a smirk on his face, making his cheeks stand out more than usual as he shakes his head to get his hair out of his face.

You nod and he looks gravely serious. “No, tell me. I want to hear you tell me.” His voice is ice cold, allowing no argument. You’ve seen him this way a few times, always when he is angry and never at you. No, always at someone who did something mean to you though, the little voice whispers.

“I want your tongue back on my clit,” You say meekly because begging Seonghwa for such a thing is a foreign concept.

He stares at you for a second or two longer before suddenly spitting on your clit and smearing it in with his thumb. Your hips buck automatically from the sudden pleasure.

“You’re so sensitive,” He murmurs, “Gonna be so easy to make you cum again.” Seonghwa sounds lost in his daydreams and you cannot fathom how many times he’s thought about this.

His finger is back in your cunt and his tongue is flicking across your clit faster now. He adds a second digit, pumping them hard and fast, stopping occasionally to wiggle them deep inside you. His face is pressed against your pussy, sucking on your clit and sometimes stopping just to spit on it again. Seonghwa is groaning when he’s eating you out, as if he is driven to intoxication from the taste of you.

You can no longer prop yourself up on your elbows, instead sinking back down among the pillows. One of your hands reaches down for Seonghwa, his hair wrapping around your fingers as you desperately hold onto him so he doesn’t stop. He makes a noise of approval, fucking you harder with his fingers.

And it feels just too good and it feels even worse because it’s Seonghwa, the person you know the most and the person you don’t know at all. When your climax starts, his name leaves your lips broken and shattered, forever changed by what happened tonight.

When Seonghwa pulls away, his eyes are ablaze. You’re disoriented from cumming so hard two times already but he pulls you towards him. His lips crush yours in a sloppy kiss. You can taste yourself on his tongue. When the kiss breaks, there’s a long strand of spit connecting the two of you. He’s holding the back of your neck again, looking at you as though you’re trapped in his web.

“Oh, my name sounds so good like that.” He rubs his thumb across your lips, and the spit makes a mess, “You’re such a pretty thing.”

You like the way Seonghwa talks to you as if you’re the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. But you suppose to him, you are. You’re feeling an aching desire to have him inside you, to know what it would be like to be fucked by him. Tentatively, you reach for his groin, pressing your hand against the tent. He inhales sharply but gives a firm shake of his head.

“Not yet,” He brushes your hand away, “You’re going to cum again.”

Surprised, you open your mouth to say something but before you can, he places two fingers on your tongue. Without questioning it, you wrap your lips around them and then immediately wonder why you didn’t even hesitate. You swirl your tongue around his fingers while he watches, entranced at the sight.

“Fuck, you’re so pretty. I can’t get enough of you. Now, sit on my face.”

Seonghwa pulls his fingers out of your mouth, snapping his fingers at you after he issued his command. You’re not even thinking anymore, lost completely to whatever pull you feel towards him and the promises of more pleasure. He’s on his back, motioning for you to hurry up. You try to carefully straddle his face but he makes a noise of impatience, reaching upwards to grab your hips and yanking you down so that your pussy is against his face.

His tongue dives into your hole and you make a noise of surprise, gripping the headboard of his bed. He’s eating your pussy like a man starved, not stopping to let you adjust at all. His hands are holding onto your hips, keeping you in place as he brings his tongue swooping up to your clit, swirling around it. This time is a lot more urgent as though it is more for him than you.

The sounds of Seonghwa eating your pussy sounds graphic but it is the way he is moaning while doing it that is turning you on. You like how he sounds, so desperate and his voice muffled, and when you move your hips gently against his face, he makes a noise to let you know to keep going.

So you do, grinding against his face. He moves his tongue back to your hole and you can feel his nose against your clit while rocking your hips. Your clit is growing sensitive from all the overstimulation and sometimes your hips bounce a little when it becomes too much. Seonghwa notices this and instead of giving you a break swoops his tongue back over your clit, flicking it hard and fast.

Your grip tightens on the headboard but you’re close to cumming again. Your thighs are shaking, panting with your tongue poking from in between your lips as you ride his face. With one last flick of his tongue, you moan out his name loudly, unable to stop from how much you’re working your pussy against his face. This orgasm is somehow even better than the earlier ones although it leaves your body shaking. You slide off him, falling onto the bed, trying to catch your breath.

Seonghwa sits up, kicking off his sweatpants. With relief, you realize he’s going to fuck you. You’re unsure that you could handle another orgasm again so soon after the others. Your head is dazed and thighs sore and you’re pretty sure that your pussy is a mess of your juices and Seonghwa’s spit.

He’s stroking his length, drinking in the sight of your naked body on his bed with the same fascination of someone viewing a beautiful painting. He shakes his hair out of his face again while getting to his knees, his hand still wrapped around his cock.

“You’re gonna cum around my cock next.”

You give a small shake of your head, out of breath. “I don’t think I can cum anymore.”

“Of course you can,” Seonghwa replies simply while positioning himself over your body.

His skin against yours is heavenly and hellish, weighted by the knowledge you’re tumbling into bed with your best friend who isn’t as stable as previously believed. But what does it say about you that it won’t leave your mind? He’s propped up over you, studying your face with such intensity that you break eye contact, feeling exposed. His cock is pressing at your entrance as your hands go to his sides, gingerly touching his hot skin.

Seonghwa lowers his face down to kiss you while sliding inside your wet entrance. You arch your back, fingers digging into his waist as he enters you easily. His lips are back on your neck, emitting a sigh that is a mingle of relief and tension all at once.

His words are muffled as he goes, “You feel so good. Your pussy is made for me. I was meant to be in this pussy every night.”

Seonghwa is curled around you, taking his time. He’s moving slowly, lost in the sensation of your walls tightening around his cock. Your hands glide upwards to his hair once again, bunching it in between your fingers as you wrap your legs around his waist.

When Seonghwa speaks again, he sounds lost, as if he isn’t even present in the moment. “I love you so much,” He grunts, going still for a second to collect himself before thrusting a little harder, “I love you so fucking much. I’d do anything for you, I’d do anything to be in your cunt like this. You just had to ask. But you never did.”

Your body is warm all over, each nerve in your body responding to his passion in a way that you didn’t think was possible. The voice in your head that has been pointing out how wrong it’s been all night is eerily silent. Instead, you tilt your head so that Seonghwa looks at you. Your foreheads are touching and when you speak, your lips graze his.

“Tell me what you’d do for me,” You plead softly.

His breath catches, his cock buried inside you to the hilt while he replies, “Anything. You know that. You already know some of what I’ve done. And I don’t regret any of it. I’d do it again,” He starts moving his hips faster now, plunging his length in and out of your soaking wet hole while his breathing grows laboured, “I’d do anything for you.”

The words make your head light. You’re moving your hips in time to his thrusts, tugging on his hair to let him know to keep going. Hearing your best friend make noises of pleasure, noises you’re not supposed to hear from him, is making you only desire more.

Seonghwa shifts positions, just enough so that your legs are bent back so he can hit your sweet spot with every jerk of his hips. Your hands fall to the bedsheets once more, digging into them as he fucks you.

“You look so fucking beautiful taking my cock,” He grunts and runs his hand through his hair quickly with one hand to get it out of his eyes.

The gesture, so familiar, one you’ve seen him do often, strikes you in the chest. His desperation is evident in his eyes, in his voice, in every action he’s taken since he grabbed your wrist earlier. This is still your best friend, the realization dawning, this is still Seonghwa.

You’re just seeing all aspects of him now.

You aren’t sure what compels you to reach for his hand but you do, sliding it up to your neck. His eyes light up at what you’re requesting, that shark’s grin returning so quickly that it sends a shiver down your spine. His hand tightens around your neck while he fucks you. The muscles on his arm tightens; he pushes you back against the pillows while fucking you hard and fast.

“I’d do anything for you,” He repeats, voice breaking, “I’d have done anything you ever wanted if you just asked.” The pleasure is overtaking him and his mind is wandering, jumping from topic to topic, telling you all the things he’s ever thought about. “Fuck, my hand around your neck…” He grips you harder and you make a small noise which only drives his cock harder in your hole. “You look like a ragdoll taking my dick with your lips parted like that. I watched you through your window last week. You looked so tired. I thought – fuck, I thought about my hands around your neck, choking you while I fucked you into oblivion so you could sleep.”

I watched you through your window last week.

The angle and his hand on your neck is bringing you to another climax which you didn’t think could be possible. You can barely breathe, can barely move your hips to meet his thrusts. You’re so close to finishing, watching how Seonghwa’s eyes never leave your face, how intensely he is staring at you, no expression on his face as he fucks you.

With the little air you have left, you ask the question again. “Tell me what you’d do for me.” The words are so soft that you aren’t sure anyone else but Seonghwa could have heard them – he’s just too in tune with you.

“I’d fucking kill for you.”

And you’re cumming on his cock then. Seonghwa releases his grip on your neck so he can hear your hoarse moans. He hasn’t stopped fucking you, moving his hips the entire time you’re orgasming. You keep saying his name, your hips moving to meet his thrusts, making more noise than you ever have before.

Seonghwa pulls out, wiping the sweat from his brow before leaning forward, grabbing your face and going, “Open your mouth.” You do immediately and he spits in your mouth lewdly before kissing you hungrily. When it ends, he says roughly, “I’m gonna cum in your cunt now. Get on your knees.”

Your body protests a little while doing so, tired and sore from cumming so much and being fucked so hard. But once your ass is in the air, Seonghwa’s hands are on your hips, pulling you back onto his cock. He doesn’t waste any time and you know he must be dying to finish. You’re not used to someone putting their pleasure last like this.

The change in angle feels so good and you moan, prompting Seonghwa to go, “You’re cock starved, I love it. I love hearing you want more of me.” His hands slide to your lower back. “I love hearing you want me and none of those idiots you’ve wasted time on. All those fucking idiots. Made me sick.” He’s slamming his hips against your ass, his balls smacking against your pussy with each hurried thrust. “Makes me fucking sick to think of them touching you instead of me. They never deserved you. They never understood you, not like I did.”

You’re sinking into the bed, the weight of his hands on your lower back giving you no choice, your ass high in the air now as Seonghwa fucks you mercilessly. His voice is slurring at the edges, his words hazy like small things being tugged towards the light for the first time.

“I knew they couldn’t fuck you like I could or take care of you like I could. Just idiots, circling around you and I tried so hard to be nice. I wanted to be nice to those idiots because of you. Everything I do is because of you because I love you so much. F-fuck,” He does a particularly hard thrust and groans, “I wasn’t perfect. I knew I was doing bad things. Getting them fired from jobs. Snooping through their emails. Slashing their tires. I knew –” His breath caught, and his hands move to your ass, gripping it hard enough to leave marks. “I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t help myself. I was in love with you for so long and sometimes it’s enough to drive a man crazy.”

Seonghwa is fucking you so hard that you can’t even move. You lay against the bed, taking his cock, your eyes almost rolling into the back of your head from how it good it is. You couldn’t speak even if you wanted to. The way he’s fucking you combined with his speech is making your head utterly blank – it just feels so good. All of it feels so good. You think your tongue might be poking out from between your lips. All you know is he’s going to make you finish again.

“I’m gonna fuck you like this every night, I’m gonna – fuck. I’m gonna take care of you and I’m going to fuck you and no one is ever going to bother you again because you’re mine now. Tell me you’re mine, I want to hear you tell me.”

Using the last of your energy, you moan out, “I’m yours, I belong to you, I’m yours.”

Seonghwa grunts, giving one last thrust while going, “Now take my load in that sweet cunt of yours.”

His cum is warm in your cunt as he empties his balls, filling you up until it’s leaking out of your hole. You’re finishing again as well, perfectly in sync with your best friend. You’ve fallen on the bed, making an unholy amount of noise from the intense orgasm, completely overstimulated. Seonghwa has pulled out of your cunt, leaving a long strand of cum along your lower back as he finishes.

Your eyes are closed, feeling completely fucked out. Your tongue is heavy in your mouth; you couldn’t speak even if you wanted to. Seonghwa shifts behind you, sliding off the bed, leaving the room. A few moments later, he returns and you can feel a towel along your back, cleaning you up before he shifts, sliding closer to your body.

Seonghwa’s arms carefully wrap around you, pulling your body towards him. You curl up against his chest, eyes closing. He’s kissing the top of your head, his fingers trailing along your back in gentle touches. All his earlier energy is gone, depleted, and now he is soft and inviting.

You tilt your face to look at Seonghwa, reaching upwards to graze his jawline with your fingertips. He kisses them too. Would it be so wrong to have everything with him? To be so adored and loved with someone who has known you forever? His eyes are cutting through your defenses, nuzzling into the soft spot of your brain that should know better.

Your lips find his.

A cloud covers the moon.

*

               You’re wearing just one of Seonghwa’s shirts, sitting on the edge of his bed in the morning light. He left twenty minutes ago to get coffee from your favourite spot, leaving you alone in his apartment.

               You’re thinking about him.

               You’re thinking about the soft kisses he gave you upon waking, his smile that you know so well, the way he looked shirtless in the morning light.

               He had cupped your cheek, said he was going to get coffee and you felt a pang at him leaving, even for just a little while. Even just for twenty minutes.

               Relief swoops through you when the front door opens, and Seonghwa calls your name. He comes down the hallway and stops in the doorway. His jacket is already removed, just wearing a hastily thrown on Star Wars t-shirt and a pair of jeans. He places one coffee cup on his dresser, running his fingers through his hair with his hand. He’s smiling, sitting down next to you.

               “I missed you,” He admits bashfully, holding onto your coffee, his eyes dropping to your lap, “Should I keep it?”

               Your hands are curled around the handle of the axe. You look at the blade; your reflection is distorted. He rests his chin on your shoulder, peering at you, waiting for your choice. Everything with Seonghwa is your choice because he loves you so much. He doesn’t question that you’ve been sitting in his bed, holding his axe, lost in thought.

               You’ve been thinking about what is right, what’s wrong and what you want.

               You kiss his forehead, and he makes a noise of contentment.

               “You should keep it,” You declare, shifting the axe into his lap carefully. “Just in case.”

               Seonghwa grins cheerfully.

               “Yeah, just in case.”

the end.

[alxtiny]

Helping bf! Ateez relax

Synopsis: where you help bf!ateez relax

Pairing: ateez x gn!reader, idol au

Genre: fluff

Word count: 3.5k

Warning: drinking, one shared bath, excessive use of the word weary

masterlist

• Hongjoong

Hongjoong dragged himself wearily through the door, his shoulders burdened with exhaustion. It had been a long long day at the studio, his work never ending even after their latest comeback. He still had unfinished projects prodding at the back of his mind, the repetitive droning of the beats that once seemed to fit together perfectly were now just annoying.

But as he stepped into the warmth of your home, a wave of relief washed over him. The heavenly aroma of your home-cooked dinner greeted him, and he couldn't help but close his eyes and smile despite his weariness. Of course you knew the best way to calm the chaos in his mind and satisfy his rumbling stomach.

"Hey, love," you greeted him softly, setting down the spoon you had been stirring with. "You look exhausted. Come sit down, dinner's ready."

Hongjoong managed a grateful nod, shedding his coat and shoes before joining you at the table. He marvelled at the spread before him, his stomach making noises of protests, urging him to eat. You always knew how to take care of him, even on the busiest of days.

As he dug into the warm meal you had prepared, Hongjoong felt a sense of warmth spread through him, both from the food and from your presence, he slid down further into his seat, muscles relaxing. It was a stark contrast to the spare snacks he had been subsisting on all day, and he savoured every last bite, feeling the tension slowly melt away.

Once dinner was finished, you led him to the couch, where plush blankets, sltolen from your bed, awaited. Sitting down you pulled him into yourself. Nestled in your arms, Hongjoong sighed contentedly, his exhaustion catching up to him at last. You began to trace soothing circles on his back, your touch lulling him into a state of blissful relaxation.

"I love you," you whispered, your voice a gentle melody in the quiet of the room. "Thank you for working so hard, for always giving your all. You mean the world to me, Hongjoong."

His heart swelled with warmth at your words, and he snuggled closer to you, feeling safe and loved in your embrace. As the weariness finally overtook him, he whispered back those three precious words, knowing that with you by his side, no tiring days could defeat him. And with that, he drifted off into a peaceful slumber, your whispered declarations of love the last thing he heard before sleep claimed him.

• Seonghwa

The atmosphere in your home is serene, a haven you've carefully crafted to make it only the best place to come back to after work. As Seonghwa arrives, weariness from the day's endeavours overshadow him, but you're ready with a comforting surprise. The bath is drawn, warm steam curling upwards, carrying the delicate scent of his favourite soap and bath salts, all the way to the living room. You've paid attention to his preferences, knowing how much he treasures these moments of self-care.

He steps into the house, greeted by the soothing ambiance you've created. Gratefulness softens his features as he sees you coming out of the bathroom, after preparing everything, and he thanks you, appreciating the thoughtful gesture. Taking care of the members took a lot out of him, now he just needed someone to take care of him.

“Come Hwa, this should help, just relax,” You gently guide him to the bath, encouraging him to unwind. But before you can leave, he reaches out, a request lingering in his gaze.

"Join me," he murmurs, and seeing the flashes of melancholy in his eyes, you can't resist the invitation. Shedding your own clothes, you slip into the bath with him, your back resting carefully against his chest, feeling the quickened rhythm of his heartbeat. As he recounts the events of his day, your hands move in gentle circles along his limbs, easing away the tension he carries.

The warm water works its magic, lulling him into a state of relaxation. Sensing his drowsiness, you decide it's time to get to bed. You rise from the bath first, the air kissing your skin as you towel off and dress. You move to the kitchen, warming up the dinner on the stove, filling the air with inviting aromas.

Seonghwa joins you quickly, fresh and rejuvenated, ready to indulge in a meal prepared with love and care. The comfort of the food wraps around you both like a blanket as you dine, conversation continuing from where it was left off in the bath, effortlessly. Afterward, you retreat to the cosiness of your shared space. Seonghwa wastes no time in bringing your body close to his as your hands move to soothe his hair, the day's weariness melting away with each tender stroke .

As he drifts off to sleep, he whispers, “Thank you my n/n, I love you,” With a smile, you kiss his cheeks lightly, replying with the same, feeling grateful for these quiet moments together.

• Yunho

As Yunho stepped through the door, you could practically see the exhaustion etched into every line of his body. The day's rigorous dance practice had taken its toll on him, leaving him sore and aching. Seeing him like this pulled at your heart strings and you were determined to ease his discomfort.

“Yunho, why don’t you go shower, I have something in mind to help you relax,” you said, to which he quickly agreed.

While Yunho showered off the sweat and strain of the day, you busied yourself with creating a soothing atmosphere for him. Infusing massage oil with calming scents, lighting candles that cast a soft, flickering glow across the room, and laying out a warm towel on the bed. You were on a very important mission.

When Yunho emerged from the shower, steam still lingering in the air, you gently took his hand and guided him to the bed. His tired eyes softened at the sight of your efforts, a small smile tugging at his lips.

"Relax, love," you murmured, as he settled onto the warm towel, the fabric comforting against his fatigued muscles. With practiced hands, you began to knead away the tension that had accumulated throughout his day, your touch both firm and gentle.

As you worked, you listened to him animatedly recount the events of practice, how despite the initial difficulties with the choreo the boys had managed to perfect their movements and Yunho was proud of their efforts. You were quick to offer words of encouragement and support and tell him he should be proud of himself too, for leading their practices with patience and enthusiasm.

With each passing minute, you felt the tightness in his muscles slowly give way, replaced by a sense of peace and calm. You could hear small noises and hums of pleasure and relaxation from Yunho.

When you finally finished, Yunho rose from the bed, letting out a deep sigh as he rolled his shoulders, the weariness in his movements replaced by an airy weightlessness. With a grateful smile, he dressed while you put away the things and blew out the candles and then turned to you, his gaze filled with affection.

"I love you," he whispered, his voice soft and tender as he pulled you into a warm embrace. Nestling into the curve of your chest, he closed his eyes, finding solace in the warmth of your embrace. Together, you drifted off to sleep, the gentle rhythm of his breathing lulling you into a peaceful slumber.

• Yeosang

Yeosang trudged through the door, his shoulders sagging under the weight of exhaustion. The day had been unforgiving to him, draining every ounce of his energy. He longed for nothing more than a moment of solitude to replenish and recharge his social battery. As he entered, you glanced up, immediately catching the weariness etched on his face.

Without a word, you approached him, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. "Go relax, Yeosang," you murmured, understanding his need for quietude.

Grateful for your understanding, he nodded silently and headed for the shower while you set about tidying the house, knowing that the clutter would just make him more uncomfortable.

Later, as you made your way to the shared bedroom, you found Yeosang lying on the bed, an open book resting on his chest, his eyes closed, but eyebrows slightly furrowed. Smiling softly, you picked up the book assuming he had fallen, intending to put it away. But as your fingers grazed the pages, he stirred, reaching out to grasp your hand.

"Read to me, please," he whispered, his voice heavy with drowsiness. This wasn’t new for him to ask for, he loved the low soothing tone of your voice and right now it felt like medicine to him.

You obliged, hoping his request would help distract him from his overwhelming thoughts. You settled beside him, the bed enveloping you both in its warmth. With his head nestled against your shoulder, you began to read, the calm cadence of your voice lulling him into a peaceful slumber.

As you read through a few chapters, you felt his breathing gradually slow, his features relaxing into a soft repose. With the book now forgotten, you leaned down to press a tender kiss to his forehead.

"I love you," you whispered, before allowing sleep to claim you as well, the two of you finding solace in each other's embrace.

• San

The sound of the door slowly creaking open pulled you from your cosy spot on the couch, where you had been engrossed in a book. You glanced up to see San shuffling into the apartment, his shoulders slumped with exhaustion.

"Hey, Sannie," you greeted him, setting aside your book and moving over to him. "Rough day?"

San nodded wearily, dropping his bag by the door as you put your arms around him and gently kissed his lips. "Practice ran longer than usual. I just want to relax."

A smile tugged at your lips as an idea sparked in your mind. "How about we go out for some late-night ice cream? It might help you unwind."

San's tired expression brightened at the suggestion. "That sounds perfect actually."

You both quickly changed into comfortable clothes, opting for light oversized t-shirts and jeans before heading out into the cool night air. The streets were quiet as you made your way to the local ice cream parlour, you could feel San getting more excited as the distance closed in.

Once inside, you were greeted by the comforting scent of freshly made waffle cones and the sight of colorful ice cream flavors lined up behind the glass display. San faced no hesitation n ordering his favorite mint chocolate, while you opted for the indulgent mocha brownie.

As you settled into a cosy corner booth, you took turns sharing bites of your ice creams with each other, giggling as San told you about the antics he and Wooyoung got to. You couldn't help but laugh out loud when San took a particularly enthusiastic bite and ended up with a smidge of ice cream on his nose, making his laugh as well, feeling carefree after the fast pace of his work day.

After relishing every last spoonful, you reluctantly left the warmth of the parlor and made your way back home. Once there, you snuggled up together under the soft comforter of your bed, the events of the evening bringing a smile to your faces.

As you got ready to sleep, comfortably resting against San's chest, he whispered "I love you," pressing a soft kiss to your forehead.

With a contented smile, you returned the sentiment, heart fluttering at his gesture, as sleep pulled you away.

• Mingi

Mingi let out a long, tired sigh as he stepped out of the studio. Another gruelling day of working with Hongjoong, mixing beats, perfecting lyrics, and laying down tracks. As much as he loved his work, today had taken a toll on him. He was ready to go home, hoping to find some solace in your presence.

As he entered your shared apartment, the familiar scent of home wrapped around him like a comforting hug. But what caught his eye next made his tired expression melt away instantly. There, in the middle of the living room, was a magnificent pillow fort. The fluffiest blankets you owned were artfully draped, creating a cosy, inviting little enclosure. Soft fairy lights twinkled from within, giving out a warm, gentle glow.

Mingi's face stretched into a wide grin, the corners of his eyes crinkling with joy. He carefully made his way towards the fort, trying not to disturb the delicate construction. As he peeked inside, he saw all his favorite snacks laid out neatly, alongside a couple of iced coffees. And there you were, waiting for him with your Switch already in hand, Cozy Grove loaded and ready to play.

"You did all this for me?" Mingi asked, his voice filled with awe and gratitude.

You nodded with a smile, leaning up to give him a quick kiss. "I thought you could use a little escape after your long day."

He settled into the fort beside you, careful not to knock anything over. Pulling you close, he whispered, "This is just what I needed. Thank you so much. I love you."

"I love you too," you replied softly, handing him his Switch.

The rest of the evening was a blissful retreat from the demands of the day. You both immersed yourselves in the little life of Cozy Grove, munching on snacks and sipping iced coffee. Laughter and gentle conversations filled the fort as you helped each other with game tasks, the stress of the day soon melting away.

As the hours slipped by, the ambient glow of the fairy lights dimmed to a soft lullaby. You found yourselves growing drowsy, the peaceful atmosphere lulling you both into a serene state of contentment. Snuggled in each other's arms, you eventually drifted off to sleep, the worries of the day forgotten, replaced by the warmth of your love and the comfort of your shared sanctuary.

• Wooyoung

The sound of the front door creaking open followed by the soft thud of shoes being kicked off was your first indication that Wooyoung was home and he was not feeling like his usual self. You glanced at the clock—it was well past midnight. Usually, he would burst through the door with a loud greeting, but tonight, you only heard a heavy sigh and the muffled thump of him dropping onto the couch.

You knew immediately it had been one of those days. Thankfully you also knew the remedy for times like this, your strategy being wine and unwind.

Setting aside the book you had been reading, you headed to the kitchen and grabbed a new bottle of wine and two glasses. With a practiced hand, you uncorked the bottle and filled the glasses to the brim, the rich red liquid glistening in the dim light. You made a quick stop by the bedroom to grab a pair of sweatpants for Wooyoung, then made your way to the living room.

He lay sprawled on the couch, eyes closed, his usual energetic demeanour overlayed by a shroud of exhaustion. You quietly placed the glasses on the coffee table and approached him, the sweats in hand.

"Hey," you said softly, brushing a strand of hair from his forehead. "Why don’t you go change into these? Get comfortable"

Wooyoung opened his eyes, a flicker of confusion crossing his face, but he nodded and took the sweats from you. "Thanks, babe," he mumbled, dragging himself off the couch and heading to the bedroom.

While he changed, you quickly lit a small candle, its gentle glow adding a warm ambiance to the room. You settled back on the couch, the soft flicker of the candlelight reflecting in the wine glasses. Moments later, Wooyoung returned, looking more comfortable in the sweats and a simple t-shirt.

"Come here," you said, patting the spot next to you.

He sat down, and you handed him one of the glasses. "Cheers," you said, clinking your glass against his. "To getting through tough days."

He smiled faintly at your teasing words and took a sip. The wine seemed to work its magic, the tension in his shoulders released slightly. "Thank you," he said quietly. "I guess I really needed this."

You leaned back against the couch, tucking your feet beneath you. "Tell me about your day," you prompted gently.

For the next few hours, you listened as Wooyoung opened up about the long day of practice and recording. He talked about the frustrations, the little victories, and the relentless drive to perfect the choreography. As he spoke, you could see the weight lifting from his shoulders, the wine and the comfort of your presence helping him unwind.

The conversation flowed easily, the wine glasses slowly emptying until the bottle was finished. By the time the clock struck three, you were both feeling pleasantly tipsy and relaxed, the worries of the day forgotten in the comfort of each other’s company.

"Let’s go to bed," you suggested, stifling a yawn.

Wooyoung nodded, his eyes heavy with fatigue but softer than they had been when he first walked through the door. You both stumbled to the bedroom, the exhaustion finally catching up with you.

As you crawled into bed, Wooyoung pulled you close, wrapping his arms tightly around you. "I love you," he whispered, pressing soft kisses to the top of your head.

"I love you too," you murmured back, snuggling into his chest.

In the quiet darkness, you felt him relax completely, the rhythm of his breathing evened out as sleep claimed him. You smiled to yourself, content in the knowledge that you had helped him find peace after a long, hard day. With his warmth surrounding you, it wasn’t long before you, too, drifted off to sleep, wrapped in the comforting embrace of the one you loved.

• Jongho

The front door clicked open, and Jongho stepped inside, his usual energy noticeably absent. You looked up from the book you were reading, instantly recognizing the tiredness in his eyes. His shoulders were slumped, and he moved with a heaviness that spoke of a long, draining day, his feet dragging against the floor. Without needing to ask, you knew it had been one of those days where everything felt like too much—constant rehearsals, pushing his voice to hit those perfect high notes, and the pressure to always perform at his best.

"Hey," you greeted softly, setting your book aside. He gave you a small, weary smile in return.

"Hey," he replied, his voice slightly raspy. He dropped his bag by the door and began to pull off his shoes.

"You should go get into some comfortable clothes," you suggested, your voice gentle. "I'll make you some green tea."

Jongho nodded, too tired to argue, and trudged towards the bedroom. You moved to the kitchen, quickly brewing a pot of green tea just how he liked it, knowing it would help soothe his strained throat and relax him. As the tea steeped, you prepared a tray with a cup and a small teapot, making sure everything was perfect.

A few minutes later, you carried the tray into the bedroom. Jongho was already in bed, dressed in his favorite comfy clothes, looking slightly more at ease. You handed him the cup of tea, and he took it with a grateful smile.

"Thank you," he murmured, taking a careful sip.

You returned his smile and walked around to your side of the bed, pulling out your laptop. "I thought we could watch something light tonight. How about Wonka? I've been wanting to see it for a while."

Jongho's eyes brightened a bit at the idea of watching the latest musical. "Sounds good," he agreed, his voice still hoarse but filled with warmth.

You dimmed the lights and set up the laptop between the two of you, starting the movie. As the scenes played out on the screen, you noticed Jongho relaxing more, a few quiet giggles escaping his lips. He even hummed along to some of the songs, his voice low and soothing.

When the movie finally ended, you heard a yawn from his side. Glancing over, you saw him rubbing his eyes, clearly ready for sleep. You closed the laptop and set it aside, then patted the open space next to you.

"Come here," you invited softly.

Jongho scooted closer, resting his head on your shoulder as you wrapped your arms around him. You kissed the top of his head, whispering, "I love you, and I'm so proud of you."

He snuggled into your embrace, his eyes already drifting closed. "I love you too," he whispered back, his voice barely audible but filled with sincerity.

You held him close, feeling his steady breathing as he drifted off to sleep, warm and safe in your arms.

© alxtiny . Do not steal, plagiarise, translate, repost, or use my works on any platform in any way.

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS PURE FICTION AND NOT RELATED TO THE MEMBERS OF ATEEZ IN REAL LIFE PLEASE DO NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY

Taglist:

[hyuckilstan]

Make it up to you -P.Sh

Pairing!— Seonghwa x afab!reader

Genre!— Angst, smut, fluff if you squint?

warnings!— cunnilingus, protected sex, a whole lot of apologizing and petnames, make-up sex but its soft, possessiveness more like over protectiveness, kinda toxic ngl.

Summary!— Your boyfriend wants to make sure you know how sorry he feels, and how could you reject him when he was being so genuine.

Wc!— 2.1+k words

a/n!— oka I’m back lol and I thought why not make my comeback with a hwa fic (also there might be some typos idk 💀)

☽·Masterlist·☾

Right now, You’re fucking done with everything.

You’re done with Seonghwa, your boyfriend, you’re done with yourself, heck you feel like you’re done with the relationship.

“I can fucking take care of myself Hwa!” you shout back, feeling frustrated, you know Seonghwa loves you, so much so that he loves to pamper you, sometimes too much that it feels like he thinks of you as a mere child he wants to protect.

Just like tonight, you had peacefully told him that you would be fine if he left you alone at the bar while he goes to chat with his friends, since they were celebrating Hongjoong’s big day as a producer after all, although you’re pretty sure you've ruined the night for him.

Seonghwa just couldn’t resist when he saw some guy hitting on you and even swung his fist at him, resulting in you both standing outside after getting kicked out, arguing.

When you told him once again that he shouldn't have been so protective he blurted out something along the lines that you said that cause you do love the attention, or something like that.

You don’t really remember.

You don’t want to remember.

“We’ve been over this Y/N, I do this because I care for you,” he still refused to admit that what he had said and done were wrong, maybe you were dramatic about him being protective, but what he had said after hurt you more than you wish it did.

“Am I like a goddamn child to you?! I am an independent person Hwa, I can make my own choices and protect myself too, I don’t need to be dependent on someone to do that for me!” You think you’re screaming, you’re not sure, your ears are still ringing because of the loud music, and you feel like your senses are numb and your tears won't stop falling.

Seonghwa hates seeing you like this, more so that he is making you feel like this, but he just wants you to understand that he does it all because he loves you, without a second thought, he says some words he immediately regrets.

“So you call allowing that fucking man to throw himself at you independent? Maybe you are a fucking child Y/N.”

You think you can hear your heart shatter into a million pieces, you don’t respond, mainly cause you are physically unable to, you just want to scream and cry, and you do.

“Stop. I- I’m heading home, and don’t you dare follow me,” you sob and Seonghwa stands stunned when he realizes what he has said and done.

You can hear him calling your name but you choose not to, still sobbing and tears flowing like a river, you open the door to Wooyoung’s car, who had told you before you and Seonghwa left that he could drive you home, almost as if he knew that you would want some distance from your boyfriend.

Wooyoung doesn’t question you, instead he drives to your home, he does tell you that it will be okay every now and then. You wonder if your relationship with Seonghwa is in a critical position, you wonder if you would ever make up.

You do know the amswer to whose questions when you do reach your home and Wooyoung gives you a tight hug, “Don’t worry Y/N, you’ll work things out, Seonghwa loves you nd you love him, arguments happen once in a while, I just know that you guys are made for each other,” he says and you nod, wiping your tears, bidding him goodbye as well as thanking him.

Once you enter your home, you feel like the place is colder, is it because of the feeling of dread you have for when Seonghwa will return home or just because of the weather? Either way, you decide to wash up and immediately head to bed.

--------------༊·˚

Its currently a little past 1 in the morning and it seems like you have cried yourself to sleep, but your ringtone wakes you up, you decide to bot pick up seeing that it was Hwa, but when he keeps on calling you finally pick up.

You don’t say anything, but you can clearly hear Seonghwa sniffing on the other side of the phone, “Y/N... Please, let me in, I’m so sorry, please, ” his pleads are pathetic and Seonghwa knows it.

You hang up without saying a word but you do get up to open the door, after mentally preparing yourself to face him of course

When you open the door, you see Seonghwa, possibly in the most hopeful yet miserable state you’ve seen. He looks stoked to see you, he starts crying, and you are about to start crying too.

He lets himself in, locking the door behind him, “Hwa-” before you can say more, Seonghwa’s soft lips are pressed against yours harshly, you both need this.

He effortlessly hoists you up so that your legs are wrapped around his hips, he doesn’t stop kissing you, instead he makes the kiss deeper, more intimate but you don’t complain.

He somehow managed to stumble into the bedroom and he gently lays you down on the bed, he pulls himself away and you almost whimper, “I’m sorry baby, are you okay with this?” he asks, his voice is full of hurt and regret, you can feel it, because that is also the same case for you when you speak out.

You cannot exaggerate how good he looks right now, his soft skin illuminated by the moonlight and his eyes that are glistening as they look up at yours.

“Hwa don’t stop, please,” you plead and he nods diving back in the kiss, his hands are all over your body now, your body is burning up, he feels so fucking good against you.

His lips leave yours but they start trailing down your neck, sucking and nibbling it, “Is this okay?” he asks for your assurance when his fingers are pulling at the waistband of your shorts, you nod, tugging at the hem of his shirt, Seonghwa nods as well, taking off his shirt in one swift movement and now you’re staring at him, observing his every next movements.

He slowly pulls your shorts down along with your underwear, your breath hitches when you feel his hot breath against your now wet core, “You don’t have to...” you say quietly but Seonghwa shakes his head in disagreement

“No baby, let me make it up to you, please?” he asks innocently, and who were you to say no to him, when you give him the green light he wastes no time in taking you in his mouth

He wets your already wet folds and starts flicking his tongue at your clit, “Fuck!” you groan, Seonghwa was always skilled with his tongue and that makes you feel intoxicated, he always looks so pretty between your legs.

Your fingers rake his hair, tugging his hair slightly to pull him closer, Seonghwa doesn’t complain, rather he loves it when yiu chase for your pleasure.

Your moans bounce off the walls of the bedroom as your boyfriend alternates between giving kitten licks to your cunt and flicking your clit with his tongue, Seonghwa softly moans when you tug his hair harsher, he was growing rock hard at this point.

He sucks at your clit making you gasp, “I’m so sorry baby, I love you I love you I love you,” he says between his sucks and licks, he continues repeating the words “I love you” and “I’m sorry” every now and then, and before you know it, tears are staring to fall again, this time not only because of hurt, but also because of pleasure.

He fucks his tongue into your wet hole while his nose brushes against your clit and Seonghwa feels contented when he hears your moans getting louder, but he wants to hear more from you.

So he wets his fingers in his mouth, fucking two digits into you, you moan out loudly when he starts curling them, the pleasure was starting to get really intense.

“That’s it baby, take it all for me, just want you to feel good,” he says and resumes on fucking you with his fingers and sucking your clit, “Hwa, I think- I’m going to cum soon-” you inform him and he hums, fucking his fingers into you even faster.

Curses leave your mouth as you buck your hips while the pleasure Seonghwa was delivering to you remained constant; you feel your climax arriving dangerously close and before you could warn him, you had came all over your boyfriend’s face.

You gasp at the sight of seonghwa’s face smeared with arousal, feeling more aroused when he licks it all up, “Fuck baby that was so hot,” he chuckles, he gets up to take off his clothes that were still on and crawling back up to the bed, staring right at you.

He gently cups your face, it feels nice and warm, “I feel so fucking stupid baby, will you forgive me?” he asks and you stare at him for a little longer before you hum, he’s still hesitant so you decide to speak up, “Hwa, I just want you to fuck the pain away,” you tell him and it causes his cock to twitch.

“Shit baby, you have no idea what you do to me,” he growls and Seonghwa, being the best boyfriend he (almost) always is obliges, he quickly grabs a condom from your nightstand and rolling it down along his erect length, he then aligns his dick to your hole after wetting it with your arousal.

He easily slides himself in, and you both moan in unison, you frantically reach out your arms to pull him closer, noticing this, Seonghwa starts kissing you again, and you wrap your arms around his neck to pull him even closer.

He starts to slowly rock his hips towards yours, fucking in and out of you deliciously, “Yes, right there Hwa,” you moan when his length hits just the right spot, Seonghwa hums and continuously abuses that spot.

He swallows your moans as your tongues danced together, his hands are back to cupping your face and right now, you feel so loved, Seonghwa was making love to you.

“You feel so tight,” he groans, fucking even deeper into you, his lips are now against your neck again, this time peppering it softly, while you moan out without a single care, all your frustration leaving as pleasure arrives.

Your second climax is arriving and you need more, “Hwa, please- harder,” you ask, Seonghwa responds obediently to your request, he was now slamming his length into you at a fast pace, to which he loudly curses.

You reach your hands down to your clit, gently rubbing then, Seonghwa smirks amused, “That’s it baby, rub that clit while I fuck you so good,” he pants and you nod frantically.

When Seonghwa notices that your moans are getting more choked and louder he speaks up again, “You’re gonna cum for me again my love?” You nod and his groans follows your response, “Me too love- fuck- let’s cum together.”

You cannot form words, or at least coherent ones, you just take the pleasure you’re receiving, you can also tell that Seonghwa is close to the edge when you feel him twitch inside of you.

He places his hands at your hips tightly and pulls your hips and fucking into you, your choked out moans, the sound of skin on skin and his pants are the only thing you can now hear.

“Shit I’m cumming” he says and you do too as he continues to fuck into you while he empties his load in the rubber, once you both reach your climax, he rests his forehead against yours, you’re both breathing heavily at this point.

He lays himself next to you, softly kissing you, he brushes a portion of your hair behind your ear and sighs, “Y/N, I’m so sorry, I promise to never do or say those things again,” he apologizes again for you don’t even remember how many times but could feel how genuine Seonghwa was being.

You smile softly at him, which further reassured him that you have indeed forgiven him, “It’s okay Hwa,” you snuggle onto him, “Arguments can break out often, we can only do so much as grow from them,” you tell him.

Seonghwa cannot describe how happy he feels as well as how proud, he does realize now that you are a grown up who is capable of handling themselves and that he had been pampering and babying you too much.

“I love you so much,” he says pulling you in tighter against his chest, “I love you too,” you reply with a faint smile.

Wooyoung was right, you would’ve come up with a solution one way or the other, as weird as this may be, you managed to work things out.

You were made for each other.

©hyuckilstan. All Rights Reserved.

Taglist!— @yeo-hehet, @hwanchaesong, @enivivs, @alphadisaster, @zen626, @whatudowhennooneseesyou, @amangooo, @riboism (feel free to inform me if I had forgotten to add you or you wanted to be added in the taglist!)

[xxkissesforchanniexx]

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐆𝐨 𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭

Pairing: Chan x fem!reader (zombie apocalypse au) Word count: 1.1k T_T Warnings: non really >.> hongjoong is scery,

A/N: might end up redoing this whole series >.> i dont like it rn >.>

Prev | Next

Chapter 4

You and Chan hadn't spoken at all since what happened. The members could sense the tension the moment Chan entered the base, Changbin was about to ask him how it had gone but seeing the infuriated look on Chan's face, he steered clear of him and let Chan storm to his room.

"What happened?" Jisung asked Hyunjin.

He shook his head, pursing his lips and looking at you.

Seonghwa went straight to his room, surprising even Minho, who tilted his head at you, as if expecting an explanation.

You didn't speak even at dinner which Chan, even after Minho went to call him, refused to attend.

You poked at your food until Jeongin finally snapped.

"What happened?!" He almost shouted.

You looked at him, opened your mouth then closed it.

"Nothing." Seonghwa said.

"It's clearly something." Minho looked at him.

You pushed your chair back and left without a word. You left the base and climbed onto a car, sitting there and staring at the setting sun. Why was San even there... Why was Hongjoong still looking for you? As if hopping three cities wasn't enough to make him think you and Hwa were dead. You felt tears burning your eyes, what would he do if he found you? With them? What would he do to Seonghwa? To Chan? To the base?

You bit your lip and sucked in a shaky breath. Run.. just run.. If he knows you ran they'll be safe. You slid off the car to make a run for it when you stopped yourself. But where would you go? With what resources? You kicked a piece of metal hard, it clattered against the old road and hit another rundown car. You slid to the ground beside the car you stood on and pulled your knees close to your chest.

"Hey.."

You looked up as you heard the deep voice. Yongbok.

"Are you okay?" He said quietly, sitting next to you.

You looked at him. "Yeah."

"Chan told me what happened..."

"So how can you ask if I'm okay?" You shot.

"Because I got what Chan had to say," He turned to face you. "Who's Hongjoong? What happened?"

You bit your lip. "I can't say.."

"Why not?"

"It's not my business. But it is."

"So it's Hwa's business."

You nodded.

"I get it." Yongbok turned away from you and reached to hand you something. It was a small lollipop. "Chan's not mad at you.." He whispered. "He's worried." he took your hand and rested the lollipop in your palm. "You're one of us. You and Seonghwa, if you're in danger we'll be there." He closed you hand and patted your hand gently. "Because we're a team... Nah we're family.."

You stared at the freckled man for a moment.

He stood and walked back to the base entrance. "Don't let what Chan does get to you. It's because he cares." He entered the car and slid down into the base, leaving you with your thoughts.

Chan looked up as Jisung entered his room. "I said-"

"Minho wants to talk to you." the chubby cheeked man said.

"I'm not hungry."

"Then don't eat." Minho walked into the room anyway and sat on Chan's bed. "How long do you intend to ignore Y/n?"

"Until she tells me what's going on."

"Does she have to tell you?"

"She's surviving in my base so yes."

"Chan."

"Everyone has to know everything." Chan sighed. "For our own safety."

"Our?" Minho raised a brow. "What about Eunbi? Will you tell them about her?"

"You know I can't." Chan huffed.

"Then cut Y/n some slack."

"It's not the same!" Chan said, volume rising.

"How is it any different?!" Minho stood, staring at his friend.

"Because... because we have too much to lose now." Chan looked at his hands. "All the times we almost died just to build this place from the ground up. Eunbi is one person. Wherever Y/n was before.. that's a whole group and they look borderline insane."

Minho didn't say anything for a moment. "What if she has her own reasons? Her and Seonghwa."

Chan didn't say anything to that.

"Think what you want." Minho shrugged. "She's the last person I think would try to hurt us intentionally." He turned to leave.

"I'm worried." Chan said softly. "Not just about us. I'm worried about her. She looked like she saw a ghost when she heard Hongjoong's name."

Minho looked at him. "So? You just gonna let her be scared forever?"

Chan bit his lip. "No."

"Fix it." Minho smiled and walked out of the room.

"So I will.." He muttered. Only when he went to fix whatever "it" was, he found you already laughing with Hyunjin and Seonghwa. As if nothing were wrong at all.

Hongjoong looked at San, San looked at Hongjoong.

"You saw them?"

"Yes sir." San said. "She has a new group."

"Does she?" Hongjoong leaned back in his chair. "Do you know where to find them?"

"Not yet, but we do know where they might appear again.." San smiled. "They're trying to get a plane running. Maybe to use the radio or escape? But that plane is their best shot."

"Who was she with?" Hongjoong asked. "Describe them."

"Seonghwa for one. And a very cocky guy with a funny accent."

"What kind of accent?"

Hongjoong looked at the woman in the dark corner of his office. "Why does it matter Eun?"

"Yeah-" San started.

"What kind of accent?" She pressed.

"Australian." San said.

She stepped out of the dark and stared at him. The mask she wore covering her face, she looked at Hongjoong. "You said this girl ran away from you?"

"More like she was taken." Hongjoong said lowly as he thought of Seonghwa.

"I may know who she's with.. finding him is the issue." She sighed. "Birds of feather flock together."

"I need to talk to you."

You looked up at Chan from where you sat.

Seonghwa stared at him. "About?"

"Was I talking to you?"

"It's fine." You stood, "We can talk."

When he pulled you out of the room he didn't beat around the beach before asking, "What's up with all that? Hongjoong, those people-"

"It's not my business to say."

"Y/n."

"Chan." You stared at him. "Why bother?"

"You really just like being mysterious don't you?" Chan rolled his eyes. "I'm asking to protect us all."

"Even if I told you Hongjoong would still get around anything you have."

"You don't know tha-"

"I DO!" You snapped.

Chan looked at you.

"He's not going to wait for you to come up with some big plan and then attack. He's a killer. He's unpredictable. You need to fucking listen to me."

Chan sighed and looked around, his eyes meeting Hyunjin's and then Minho's, who were peeked around the corner listening. Whoever this guy was, why he had you and Seonghwa so scared, he needed to know. He had to protect everyone.. "I'm all ears."

© 2024 xxkissesforchanniexx. DO NOT COPY OR TRANSLATE MY WORK

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[fairyniceyeah]

Hello! I just discovered your page, so excited to see more Ateez sick fics! Could I request a fic where Seonghwa has a really bad fever? And he gets really dizzy, maybe even fainting. Thank you <3

⌛⭐Passion Young Fever

Title from FEVER (ATEEZ)

Summary: Seonghwa just wants to sleep but soon Hongjoong realizes he is running a fever. Seonghwa tries to push through but it doesn’t end up well.

CW: fainting

Sickie: Seonghwa Caretaker: Hongjoong (+ Yunho)

Seonghwa just wanted to sleep. He didn’t think it was such an unreasonable wish. They have had a couple of strenuous weeks and he really had looked forward to a full night of rest. 

Sadly, his members didn’t seem to get the memo. 

Seonghwa had taken a shower after dinner, put on his pajamas and about twenty minutes ago he finally had made himself comfortable under his bed covers in the room he shared with Hongjoong. That, for some reason, hadn’t been enough of a neon sign apparently.

Already Wooyoung had wandered in, looking for his favorite pajamas of all things. Yes, they were in the wash. No, Seonghwa couldn’t have done that earlier. The suggestion to do his own laundry also wasn’t appreciated. Spoiled.

Just as he had convinced Wooyoung that his other sleep clothes were just as nice and comfy as the missing pair, Yunho came looking for somebody to play a game with him. No, Seonghwa did not want to play LoL or whatever the younger one wanted. No, not even animal crossing. Pouting, Yunho had left. Seonghwa would make it up to him some other time.

Right now: Sleep.

Seonghwa barely resisted the urge to scream when Hongjoong came into the room, loudly talking on his phone. 

“Oh, you’re here”, Hongjoong said. Why did he sound so surprised? It was their shared room. Seonghwa was here more often than Hongjoong himself was.

“Yes, I am here and I very much would like to sleep”, Seonghwa hissed through clenched teeth.

“Jeez, who rained on your parade?”, Hongjoong groaned, raising his eyebrows, “no, I’m talking to Hwa, eomma, not you. Yes, I know I live with them - that’s exactly why I am talking to Seonghwa when I am on the phone with you - he also lives here. Yes, I’ll tell him ‘hi’. Eomma says ‘hi’, if you haven’t figured that out yet.”

“Can’t you just talk somewhere else?”, Seonghwa asked, ready to throw hands if Hongjoong didn’t get the memo to leave him alone soon. 

“Yeah, fine”, Hongjoong muttered and rolled his eyes, “can’t get peace anywhere here.”

Funny.

At least he left.

At last - silence.

Still, Seonghwa couldn’t sleep. Now, buried under the blankets he was too hot. Everything felt stuffy. But when he kicked the blankets off he started to shiver.

Great.

Today was just not his day, huh.

⌛

About an hour later Hongjoong came back into the room and nice as he was, he didn’t even turn on the lights even though Seonghwa knew he would - like always - stub his toe on the ladder up to his bunk in three, two …

“You can turn on the light, you know”, Seonghwa said, resigned. 

Hongjoong jumped, cursing in shock, and ended up stubbing his toe on the desk chair instead, howling in pain. Sometimes Seonghwa was amazed by just how clumsy a person could be. It wasn’t like the chair was new.

“Christ, you scared me”, Hongjoong muttered but after a moment of fumbling he did turn on the lights.

“You can call me Seonghwa”, Seonghwa said, a bit amused, “I don’t feel very much like a messiah. Tired, yes, but holy? No.”

“I hate your humor sometimes”, Hongjoong replied, shaking his head. He leaned against the desk to look down at Seonghwa. “I thought you wanted to sleep like three days ago.”

“I can’t sleep”, the eldest whined, “and do you know what is even worse? I have the line “I can’t sleep” from The Rose’s Insomnia stuck in my head. It’s mocking me.”

“Poor you”, the captain chuckled. Then he turned more serious. “What’s up?”

“I don’t know”, Seonghwa mumbled, suddenly close to tears, “I just feel too warm with the blankets but I’m freezing without them. I’m so tired my thoughts barely make any sense and I can’t get com … what are you doing?”

He interrupted himself as Hongjoong laid a hand on his forehead, moving from his position by the desk to sit on the bed by the elder’s hip.

“Did you know that you are running a fever?”, he asked worriedly.

“I … what? No?”, Seonghwa replied, confused. His head pounded in his skull.

“You’re feeling really warm, Hwa”, Hongjoong explained patiently, stroking back the disgusting, sweaty hair, “you’re pale except for the lovely blush on your cheeks that some noonas might kill for and I’ve never seen you this emotional except when you’re sick.”

Seonghwa had to admit it made sense.

“Great, just great”, he muttered.

“Let me get you some fever reducers and some water”, Hongjoong said, standing up, “no use in suffering.”

Seonghwa nodded but before the captain was able to leave his reach, he grasped his wrist. “Can you get me something for my headache, too?” Seonghwa hated taking medication with a passion but if they got him to sleep? Great!

“Of course.” Hongjoong smiled softly and left.

⌛

Five minutes later he returned, carrying a water bottle, medication bottles and a fever thermometer. When he noticed Seonghwa looking at in dismay, he shrugged. “Better safe than sorry. Besides, we should keep track of it in case it gets worse.”

“Fair enough”, Seonghwa muttered and shoved the device under his tongue. 

As it beeped they both peered at the reading in vague interest. 38.1°C. Could have been better. Could have been worse.

“Take the pills and try to sleep”, Hongjoong advised, “maybe you’ll feel better by morning.”

⌛

To both of their surprise, Seonghwa did feel better in the morning. Much better. The medication had knocked him right out and he had still managed a solid eight hours of sleep before Hongjoong’s obnoxious alarm went off.

“37.7°C”, Hongjoong read out the numbers, “that’s nearly half a degree down.” The captain had practically shoved the device in Seonghwa’s mouth the moment he had come down the ladder of the bunk. 

“That’s not even a fever anymore”, Seonghwa agreed, “and I feel good. Maybe my body just wanted me to rest.”

“Maybe it did. Take it easy for today, okay? We don’t want that back”, Hongjoong said.

“I will. Just don’t tell the dongsaengs and the managers? I don’t want them to worry”, Seonghwa requested, “maybe it was just a one time thing.”

Hesitantly, Hongjoong nodded. “Alright, just tell me if you feel bad again.”

⌛

Seonghwa must have jinxed himself. There was no other explanation why he was fine the whole morning but the later the hour the worse he felt. No, not bad - just worse than normal. No need to inform Hongjoong.

A six hour dance practice was awful on a normal day. Maybe that was it. Dancing was always hard. After just one hour the mirrors in the practice room were so fogged up by humidity that Wooyoung and Jongho - Seonghwa had no idea where the maknaes got the energy or the ideas from - started painting with their fingers on them during a short break. He blinked. Were they really playing TicTacToe? Unbelievable. 

Hongjoong had seen them too and stalked over to them to tell them off. Mingi and Yunho were talking with the choreographer and San was sprawled over an unhappy Yeosang. Well, the older looked unhappy - Seonghwa doubted he actually was. He would have shoved San off if he truly was.

Seonghwa himself had sat down by the couch, trying to rehydrate. He was sweating buckets already, his body feeling more like he had just taken a swim than danced for a rather short time considering he was an idol. Ah, nevermind. 

He would be fine.

⌛

Hour four and Seonghwa was doubting it.

Every runthrough was getting harder to manage. His muscles burned. His chest heaved from the effort. He could barely catch his breath. His vision was a bit blurry. He felt light and heavy at the same time.

And to his embarrassment he was making the stupidest mistakes. Already he had tripped over Yunho twice. The other seemed to take it in good humor at least.

“You’re worse than Hongjoong-hyung, today”, he teased as he stopped Seonghwa from falling over him the third time.

“Sorry, Yunho-yah”, Seonghwa apologized, staring down at his feet. Interestingly enough the floor seemed to move a bit so he looked up at the others.

“Aish, Yunho, respect your elders”, Hongjoong admonished in good humor, “not everybody can have your dancer’s grace.”

“Yeah, but nobody else nearly gets himself knocked out every game we play, hyung”, Yunho countered.

“That last one was your fault! You literally hit me”, Hongjoong complained, sulking.

“You walked where my fist was, that’s not my fault.” Yunho shrugged.

That’s when Wooyoung decided he wanted to annoy Hongjoong too. “Yunho-hyung”, he said sweetly, “leave Hongjoong-hyung alone. You should pick on somebody your own size.” He barely managed to finish the sentence before he started to wheeze with laughter. The rest of the team - bar Seonghwa and Hongjoong, obviously - joined in.

Seonghwa groaned. He did not want to referee anything today. Besides, couldn’t they just go on with practice?

His savior came at the right time. 

“Maybe we should just go on?”, San, of all people, suggested, nodding a bit in the direction of the choreographer who was watching them with amusement in her eyes.

Seonghwa agreed quickly. He really just wanted to be done with practice today, desperate to go home and shower. He really felt disgusting. Also, he could do without the swirling.

⌛

Hour five and Seonghwa was seriously considering asking to just sit out for the rest of practice. Tiredness clung to his body, making it hard to move. His vision wasn’t really doing him any favors of showing him where he was. He was tired and exhausted and he was starting to feel a bit nauseous. His water bottle had been empty for some time but he never had found the strength to get up and refill it at the fountain. 

The few precious breaks were spent on the ground just trying to catch his breath.

“How are you feeling?”, Hongjoong asked, coming over to him and holding out a water bottle, “I can see how tired you are and it’s not like you to make these kinds of mistakes.”

“I’m okay. It’s just exhausting. It’s been an exhausting month.” Seonghwa waved him off.

“And yet you are the only one looking like death warmed over. Be honest with me, Seonghwa. Can you continue? If not, tomorrow is another day. No need to dance with a fever.” Hongjoong’s voice was quiet but it held a warning edge.

“I can do it”, Soenghwa said and pushed himself to his feet. He nearly fell as everything started to swirl but he was able to stay upright. Hongjoong looked at him with an unimpressed expression and handed him the water bottle.

“At least drink something.”

⌛

Hour six and they were done. Hallelujah.

Seonghwa had never been so close to crying at seeing the apartment door. He was finally able to relax in the near future.

“First shower, kawibawibo!”, Wooyoung shouted in Seonghwa’s ear and he nearly fell over in shock. He had not noticed the younger creep up beside him. 

“Not tonight, Young-ah”, Hongjoong said quietly, opening the door for all of them, “Seonghwa gets to shower first.”

“What, why?”

Seonghwa gave the captain a hard stare as he turned around. There was no need to tell the kids. But Hongjoong just winked. “Because I say so. Besides, he never gets the first shower because he cooks for us. I’m ordering take-out, so Seonghwa can have the first shower for once.”

“Thanks, Joong-ah”, Seonghwa said, appreciating the captain more than ever. 

He quickly got himself ready and stepped under the amazing warmth. It soothed his muscles and he was starting to get really sleepy. 

That was when the dizziness really hit.

Seonghwa, especially being a hyung, should have known better. Nothing good came out of taking a hot shower when already dizzy and feverish. Yes, he had no illusions about that - he had been running a temperature all afternoon, he was sure of it. But the hot water felt good until it didn’t.

Quickly he shut the water off and stepped outside to dry himself off. The heat of the shower was misty in the bathroom air. Seonghwa forwent any skincare and hair product routines in favor of just putting on his clothes and fleeing the oppressive heat. 

Once outside in the hallway he managed to take a deep breath of colder air. Already he was sweating again and the shower was slowly becoming useless. Even worse, the dizziness didn’t stop. The hallway was swirling in front of his eyes and he felt himself tilt to the side.

⌛

“Hyung?”, a loud voice called and somebody was tapping his cheek. Annoyed, Seonghwa groaned and tried to slap the hand away. Instead whoever it was caught his hand in theirs and held on tight.

Slowly Seonghwa blinked open his eyes to stare into the wide-eyed gaze of Jongho, who looked like he had a halo around his head. Another blink and Seonghwa realized that it was just the overhead lights that made the maknae shine. 

“Wha’ happ’n’?”, he slurred, his tongue uncooperative in his mouth. 

Jongho moved a bit away and Seonghwa was able to see that he was laying in the middle of the hallway, his members surrounding him. Hongjoong and Yunho were kneeling next to the maknae. Yeosang and Woyooung were cuddled up in San’s arms somewhere by Seonghwa’s feet. Mingi was nowhere to be seen.

“You fainted when you came out of the shower”, Hongjoong explained, his voice a bit shaky, “you are lucky Yeosang managed to catch you.”

“Oh, uh, thank you?”, Seonghwa mumbled and tried to sit up. Yunho pressed his hand to his chest to keep him from getting up. 

“No, stay down for a moment, Hwa-hyung”, he said concerned, “you just fainted, we don’t need that again. Let’s wait until Mingi returns with the manager.”

“In the meantime, let’s take your temperature again”, Hongjoong added and suddenly Seonghwa had the familiar but unwelcome metallic taste in his mouth. He mustered up a glare but from the way Yunho cooed he probably didn’t succeed.

“39.5°C”, Hongjoong whispered, his voice sounding a bit wet, “Seonghwa, you absolute idiot! Why didn’t you say anything? You promised you would tell me if you didn’t feel good.” The captain wiped at his eyes, refusing to let the tears he was obviously suppressing fall.

“I didn’t feel that bad then”, Seonghwa mumbled. He hated burdening his best friend with his issues. Hongjoong already had so much on his plate with his captain duties, the dongsaengs and producing. Seonghwa hadn’t wanted to be another strain pulling on him. Besides, he truly hadn’t felt so bad.

“How do you feel now?”, Jongho asked carefully. 

For a moment Seonghwa just lazily watched Yunho place a comforting hand on Hongjoong’s shoulder to calm down the agitated leader. Then the question hit him.

His head was hurting badly and everything felt heavy. Even thinking was hard. 

“Like I’m stuck in a bog”, Seonghwa settled on. It must have made more sense in his head, seeing the confused faces of his members.

Luckily that was when Mingi arrived with a manager in tow.

“Running a fever of 39.5°C and he passed out after his shower. He isn’t really making much sense”, Hongjoong said before the manager even had the chance to ask.

“I’m good”, Seonghwa groaned, ignoring the huffs from the youngers. 

“Hm, I’m sure of that”, the manager placated. Seonghwa pouted. He didn’t want to be treated like a child. At least not like a petulant, whining child. Some cuddles could be acceptable.

“Can I just go to bed and sleep this off?”, he asked impatiently. The manger felt his forehead, then stroked back his hair.

“I think so. I really want to avoid a hospital visit. Let Yunho-yah and Mingi-yah help you to bed and we’ll get you some medication. I’ll sleep on the couch tonight and if you start getting worse I’ll take you. Hongjoong-ah can keep an eye on you.”

“Okay”, Seonghwa agreed. Yunho and Mingi knelt down next to him and wrapped his arms around their shoulders. Then they stood up.

Oh God. Everything was tilting, swirling, moving, falling at the same time. Seonghwa’s knees buckled beneath him and only the quick reflexes of Yunho, who barely managed to grab him in a better hold, had him stay on his feet. 

“Down”, the dancer commanded and Seonghwa found himself back on the ground. The manager tapped his cheek again. This time Seonghwa was too focused on not puking everywhere to do anything about the annoying hands. It felt like he was losing his balance even while laying on his back. It was disorienting to say the least so he closed his eyes, clutching the hand holding his own.

⌛

When Seonghwa was able to open his eyes again the hallway was much emptier. Only the manager, Hongjoong and Yunho were kneeling beside him. 

“Hey, you with us?”, Hongjoong asked worriedly, biting his lip. It was his hand in Seonghwa’s that had kept him grounded. But Seonghwa knew it was comforting the captain as much as it was comforting him. He gently squeezed it, 

“Yeah, I just got dizzy”, Seonghwa mumbled.

“No kidding”, the manager agreed. “Do you think you can sit up? Laying down to standing apparently wasn’t the best idea.”

Seonghwa nodded, pleased that the vertigo wasn’t as bad as it was before. Gently he was lifted to lean against Yunho’s strong chest. Comfy.

“Drink and take the pills”, manager-hyung said, holding out a bottle. “You’re surely dehydrated.”

Hongjoong opened the bottle for him and helped Seonghwa drink as his hand was shaking too badly to hold the bottle himself.

“Where are the kids?”, Seonghwa asked after he had drunk about half. He hadn’t even noticed how thirsty he was. But now that the need was quelled he was starting to get tired. 

The manager smiled at him. “We sent them to the living room. They are really worried about you but we figured you might enjoy some privacy.” Seonghwa nodded, thankful. He had felt a bit like an animal trapped in a zoo with everybody staring at him.

“Can you eat a cereal bar?”, Hongjoong asked, holding out an already unwrapped bar. Seonghwa’s favorite. He wasn’t necessarily hungry but he knew it was Hongjoong’s way of helping him. Also, some sugar might do him some good.

He slowly nibbled on the bar, taking the pills between bites with sips of water.

“I want to sleep”, he mumbled, once he was finished. It was so hard to keep his eyes open. 

“Of course”, Yunho said and Seonghwa felt himself lifted to his chest. It was a bit nauseating but the prospect of getting to bed overruled every other feeling.

It was as if he had blinked and then he found himself tucked under warm covers. Hongjoong was sitting at his side in a repeat of the day before. Gently he stroked Seonghwa’s hair back.

“You have tomorrow, and the day after, off. Sleep.”

And sleep Seonghwa did. 

⌛

If he woke up in the middle of the night to find a Hongjoong-sized teddy bear by his side he didn’t complain. 

Complain he did when he wasn’t allowed out of bed the next day, his dongsaengs fussing over him. 

But he loved them too much to be very annoyed and he knew their worry also came from love, so he didn’t really mind.

Masterlist links: Fairy's Full Masterlist Fairy's Masterlist - ATEEZ

[brokenchainsforgedbonds]

[lost characters as crane wives characters. lets go]

[jack shepherd - know how]

[fundamentally a song about anxiety and not being able to move on, feeling trapped and resistant to let things change even when it should be for the better. jack can't move on, it's a fundamental driver of the story, he always feels like he can't be done with anything.]

[kate austen - easier]

[ive talked about this before but. its literally her. girl who feels like she cant ever find peace staying in one place. girl who just wants to settle down but can never find a way to cure that aching in her chest to move.]

[john locke - new discovery]

[john felt like he was stuck, a sad old man with nothing to live for, just going through the motions without purpose. so, he searches for something to give him meaning, but even when he finds it in the island, he feels like he has to keep pushing and keep forcing on to preserve that sense of purpose, because he has to be moving towards something, or else it was all for nothing.]

[james "sawyer" ford - ancient history]

[okay i really love this one. ancient history's so james core its about a traumatic past that you can't help but let color your existence. like james, the singer feels defined by what's happened to them because of how much it still hurts them. he tries to move on, but he's trapped in cycles.]

[sayid jarrah - the wolf]

[well someone sure thinks they're a monster. the singer of the wolf sees themself as something dangerous and violent, something that will inevitably hurt the people they care about. both the singer & sayid feel like they're trapped in cycles that just hurt themself and others.]

[hugo "hurley" reyes - volta]

[very much a song about mental health. specifically it's about improving, finally deciding to do something about what you've been through. fundamentally volta's a song about hope & making a change for yourself in a way that's super reminiscent of hurley.]

[sun-hwa & jin-soo kwon - curses]

[okay yes i know all the rest of the characters got their own separate songs and all but 1. sun & jin's arcs are so heavily defined by each other in a way unique to them, and 2. curses is so incredibly them i dont want to pass it up. the two struggle to find the words for each other, to be open about what weighs on them and their secrets, to the point it nearly destroys their relationship. but, in the end, the two still stay together, they still try to improve their relationship.]

[charlie pace - the garden]

[the garden is in large part a song about catholic guilt. need i say more? it doesn't matter because i will. charlie feels incredibly guilty over his past and his actions, but struggles to respond to that guilt, instead stewing in self-hate and fear.]

[claire littleton - here i am]

[claire forever feels abandoned. in her flashbacks and by people on the island, she is always left behind by the people she cares about, until she feels like her loneliness is forcd to define her in season 6.]

[desmond hume - little soldiers]

[little soldiers is extremely despen coded. desmond insists that he cares about penny, but fears that after everything, he's hurt her too bad. and yet, him and penny still try, they still put in the work to improve and stay together.]

[aight thats all i can fit for now ill add a part two in a bit]

[bro-atz]

1024UB CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE: COMEBACK

word count: 2.5k

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In complete honesty, Gyuri could not believe that they were still going ahead with their ROD parties at Hongjoong’s place. She had no doubt that the parties would still go on, but for them to hold it at his apartment was a huge shocker. Wooyoung explained to her that because no one had really stayed lived there for a couple weeks, it was probably the most neat out of all the apartments in the group. That, and San and Yunho really wanted to get Hongjoong out of their apartment and back into his, which made sense, but their parties were supposed to be upbeat and fun; this party felt more like a Hongjoong pity party. They honestly should have held it elsewhere.

“I miss my roommate…” Hongjoong cried into Gyuri’s shoulder. “I miss my Hwa.”

“Don’t cry over him,” Gyuri sounded sympathetic, but she was rolling her eyes as she said it.

"It’s my party, and I’ll cry if I want to.”

“Okay, then… There, there.”

Hongjoong sniffled. Gyuri prayed to God that he didn’t get any snot on her shoulder. He didn’t. He leaned back and wiped the lingering tears in the corners of his eyes. “Do you think I was too mean kicking him out?” he asked her sorrowfully.

“You did what you had to do so he could get out of that relationship himself,” Gyuri chose her words carefully. She didn’t want to tell him how she really felt because she thought that Seonghwa deserved to experience bad things.

“I guess you don’t miss him because he broke your heart,” Hongjoong observed.

“Uh, I miss him as a friend, sure… But I don’t miss this version of him.”

“How have you been holding up? Don’t tell me you let his words get to you.”

“I’m actually pretty okay. I have something keeping me occupied right now,” Gyuri admitted honestly.

“Something or someone?”

“…Some stuff.”

“Uh huh,” Hongjoong smirked.

“Shut the fuck up,” Gyuri slapped his arm.

He opened his mouth, presumably to say something else, but Gyuri cracked her knuckles and stared him right in the eye, causing him to immediately clamp his lips together. He ended up turning to a soju bottle that was sitting near them and started to chug, only for Mingi to immediately come over and snatch the bottle away from him. “Joong, you gotta pace yourself otherwise you’ll be in the bathroom all night long.”

“Yes, that was my intention,” Hongjoong retorted.

“Do you really think drinking this much is going to bring Hwa back?”

“Yes.”

“Come on, it’s not like he’s going to magically appear and pat your back as you throw up rainbows into the toilet,” Mingi sighed.

As Hongjoong wrestled Mingi for the soju bottle, Gyuri decided to walk away from the situation. She walked over to the kitchen where Iseul was munching on whatever snacks were out. As she stood there, she couldn’t help but look for San, who was all the way on the other end of the apartment. The two locked eyes, and San immediately winked at Gyuri. She could feel her face get redder as he subtly licked and bit his lower lip. Gyuri immediately looked away, trying to distract herself with the snacks before her. Iseul was still next to her, and she must have seen everything because the next thing she did was make a fake gagging sound.

“You both are so stupid,” Gyuri wasn’t looking at Iseul, but she could literally hear Iseul roll her eyes aggressively based off her annoyed tone.

“Hey, I didn’t do anything. That was all him,” Gyuri tried to defend herself.

“Then he’s stupid.”

“Yeah, that he is.”

The two girls couldn’t help but chuckle. San stared at the two in confusion, only for his attention to be drawn back to Wooyoung, who he was conversing with. Iseul and Gyuri stood in the kitchen and just observed the boys. It was a pretty tame ROD party, tame meaning that they were all still extremely chaotic but not jumping-around-screaming-chaotic. Mingi and Hongjoong were still fighting over the soju bottle, Yunho and Jongho were engaged in an extreme thumb war, and San, Yeosang, and Wooyoung were playing rock-paper-scissors where when one person won, the other two would fold a joint and lower themselves to the ground until two of them were fully bowing to the winner— Gyuri kind of regretted teaching them that game, but at least they were having fun.

“How are things between you and San? I noticed he hasn’t been coming over, lately,” Iseul dropped her voice as she spoke to Gyuri.

“They’re good. He’s been getting way too fucking bold lately because you told him to spend less time at our place,” Gyuri pursed her lips in annoyance. “Literally the other day he dragged me to the bathroom in the library and just drove me crazy. I blame you for that.”

“Sex in a public place? Who are you and what have you done to my friend?” Iseul gasped with fake shock.

“Shut up.”

“Nah, I wanna see you get annoyed.”

“Okay, bye—”

“No, come back. I’ll stop. I actually have a serious question,” Iseul grabbed Gyuri’s hand before she could move away from her.

“What is it?”

“Do you still have feelings for Seonghwa?”

“Um… I—” Gyuri was interrupted by the sound of the front door opening.

Everyone in the apartment turned to see who was coming in through the door. The whole group was already there, so the door unlocking and opening was definitely jarring. Gyuri could feel her heart lurch and pound in her throat as she realized who it was. When he stepped through the threshold, a chorus of gasps emanated through the group. Seonghwa walked in carrying several bags and a large suitcase. The further he got into the apartment, the more Gyuri’s heart palpitated— she didn’t know if it was fear, anger, or anxiety driving her internal conflict, and she didn’t know if it was because she was mad at him or scared of what he might say.

Hongjoong was the first to break the silence as Seonghwa stood before everyone silently. “Seonghwa… What are you doing here?”

Seonghwa dropped his bags to the ground and said quietly, but not so quiet that no one could hear him, “I broke up with Bora.”

Tears streamed down Hongjoong’s face as he jumped into Seonghwa’s arms and bear hugged the boy. The rest of the group joined them and gave Seonghwa a massive group hug— well, everyone except for Iseul, San, and Gyuri. Gyuri couldn’t deal with her emotions and how she felt about Seonghwa in that moment. She didn’t know if she should still treat him like the awful person he became when he was dating Bora or if she should try to return back to their original friendship status. Gyuri continued to deal with her inner conflict as the group started to disperse thanks to Hongjoong pushing everyone away.

Seonghwa and Hongjoong were just crying in each other’s arms. “I thought you guys would exile me for good…” Seonghwa managed to squeak out.

“No, we exiled Bora, not you. You’ll always be our friend. We’re your rides-or-dies,” Hongjoong sniffled.

A sharp pain drove through Gyuri’s chest with Hongjoong’s statement. She couldn’t help but clutch the collar of her shirt, hoping that by holding the collar away she would regain the ability to breathe properly. She felt Iseul rub her back lightly in attempt to assist her lack of oxygen problem.

When Hongjoong and Seonghwa hugged for the umpteenth time in between their conversation, Gyuri could hear Wooyoung say, “Thank God mom and dad are back together.”

“I would hit you, but I’m too relieved to see Seonghwa back,” Yeosang responded to Wooyoung with a sniff.

After a couple deep breaths, Gyuri locked eyes with Iseul, the two of them clearly shocked at the turn of events. From the corner of her eye, Gyuri saw San sporting the same shocked expression as Iseul. She averted her gaze to her hands, her trembling hands. She tried to hide the fact that they were shaking by crossing her arms over her chest, but that just made her entire body vibrate with anxiety and anger.

“Are you okay?” Iseul asked softly.

“I… I don’t know… I didn’t expect to see him back, so I don’t know if I’m fucking terrified or just angry,” Gyuri responded softly.

Iseul tried to calm Gyuri down as San approached the two of them, who were still in the kitchen. San kept his distance by just arriving to grab a bottle of soju from the kitchen island and said ultra quietly, “Hey, you’ll be okay. Just don’t do anything like you did the other day.”

“Wait, what did she do the other day?” Iseul asked in the same register.

“She slapped Seonghwa.”

“Oh my fucking God! Gyuri!”

Iseul rubbed the girl’s back as San instructed, “Gyu, take a couple of deep breaths. You’ll be fine. We’re here, right?”

Gyuri took a shaky breath in and exhaled slowly. She moved away from Iseul and San slightly, her body no longer shaking with rage or anxiety or whatever the fuck it was that was making her freak out. She stood with her arms crossed in the kitchen as she unintentionally locked eyes with Seonghwa, who was no longer hugging Hongjoong. She watched as Seonghwa excused himself from Hongjoong’s company and walked over to the girl slowly, like he were cat investigating a new dark territory. Gyuri kept telling herself that she was strong and that she could hold her ground without her emotions getting the best of her. She stared him right in the eyes even when he stood a mere couple feet or so away from her.

“Gyuri… Hi…” he started.

“Hello,” Gyuri said curtly.

“How are you…?”

There were many things Gyuri wanted to say to that. She kept quiet and felt Iseul and San take slight steps back from her. She heard the two whisper to each other, though she couldn’t tell what they were saying. She kept her attention on Seonghwa as she said in the same tone he once used with her, “What’s it to you?”

“Yeah, I deserve that,” Seonghwa chuckled bitterly.

“What do you want, Seonghwa?” Gyuri asked hurriedly, wanting the interaction to end as soon as possible.

“…I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

“For what?”

“You were right,” Seonghwa admitted. “You were right about Bora. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you. I’m sorry I believed and trusted her. I’m sorry for saying those mean, horrible things to you. I’m sorry for hurting you.”

Gyuri felt a wave of sadness wash over her. She bit the inside of her cheek to keep her eyes from watering up or spilling tears down her face. She felt her jaw tense up as she thought about what she should say in response to his admission of the obvious.

“I want to ask you for a second chance. I hope you can forgive me,” Seonghwa spoke again.

In that moment, Gyuri wished she rehearsed what she wanted to tell him. She was planning on preparing herself, but she thought she would have more time to do so. She wracked her brain for the most tame response that properly conveyed her anger at him and said, “It’ll be hard to forgive you and I’ll never forget what you said or did.”

“Yeah, I get that. I’m truly sorry, though. I missed you so much…”

With her arms still crossed over her chest, Gyuri took a slight step backwards and looked away from him. He took a couple fairly large steps towards her, and within seconds, she felt his arms wrap around her tightly. Gyuri really wanted to cry in that moment— she missed their friendship and the way he would comfort her with his amazing hugs. She wanted so badly to be angry at him, but just seeing him in this state and returning to the person he used to be before Bora unlocked her soft spot for him. Tears threatened to leave her eyes once again. She needed to get out of his embrace, so she did the only thing she could think of and robotically hugged him back.

Thankfully, Iseul seemed to get the hint from that buffer in Gyuri’s actions. Gyuri saw Iseul place a hand on Seonghwa’s shoulder, causing the boy to release Gyuri. He turned to Iseul as she told him, “Let’s talk. It’s been a while.”

Iseul led Seonghwa away, and as soon as they were at least six feet away, she immediately rushed to the bathroom. She closed the door behind her, turned on all the faucets in the bathroom, and collapsed to the ground, her knees hugged tightly to her chest. She buried her face in her knees and started crying. Being strong took every goddamn thing out of her, and she was tired of having to pretend like she was okay when she was anything but.

As she sat on the ground and cried, the bathroom door opened. Gyuri silently cursed herself for forgetting to lock the door. She prayed that whoever was entering the bathroom knew about her original history with Seonghwa, like Iseul, Hongjoong, or San. San was the one who entered, and Gyuri let out a deep, shuddering breath. He closed and locked the door behind him before sitting down on the ground next to her. More tears escaped her eyes as San placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Her tears ended up encouraging him to give her a hug and dry her tears, which made her want to cry all over again.

“Why do you keep seeing me like this…?” Gyuri croaked out.

“Don’t worry and just let it out. It’ll be okay. I’m here, right?”

Gyuri hugged the boy back and buried her face in his chest. She tried to calm herself down by thinking about other things, but her mind kept returning to Seonghwa— she wanted to know why her heart lurched or sank or attacked her the second she saw Seonghwa walk through the threshold. What was her heart trying to tell her? She wanted to know especially because she was definitely not in tune with her emotions at that point in time.

She felt San brush her hair out of her face and tuck her loose strands of hair behind her ear, his other hand pulling her in closer to him. The hand that was on her head now rested on her chin and angled her head up so that she was looking up at San. The look on his face made her want to cry— at that point, it seemed like every little thing that day was going to make her cry, but before she could even let another tear slip, San bent down and pressed his warm, soft, pink lips against her own. He kissed her over and over again, each kiss getting slightly deeper than the last, causing her to be able to turn her attention towards the boy who was kissing her gently and lovingly. She let herself sink and melt into his kisses and embrace, the worries that Seonghwa inserted in her head the second he returned vanishing.

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1024UB tag list: @dalsuwaha @eyeryis @choisanswifexo @haebaragisworld @dazzlingstarrs @hongjoongswifefr @yjpumas @my-lightspirit

network: @cromernet

apply here to be part of the taglist!

[mi-rae07]

Park Seonghwa : Memory (Part 2/4)

Pairing : Park Seonghwa (Ateez) and named character (Yoon Si-Yeol)

_____________________

3 YEARS AGO :

Siyeol : seonghwa? Are you okay, love?

Seonghwa : I'm fine, go away.

Siyeol : but you're sick, please open the door for me so I could check up on you?

Seonghwa : no.

Siyeol : seonghwa-ya, please. You can't push me away when you're having a fever-

Seonghwa : I said no, siyeol. You can't enter the room.

Siyeol : hwa-

Seonghwa : I can't let you catch a cold because of me, siyeol! Please just-

Seonghwa cut himself off with a hoarse cough as siyeol flinched at how sick he sounded. But even if he was this close to dying, he wouldn't let siyeol come close to him, saying she could catch the disease he was having. He'd rather just die, apparently.

Siyeol : please, hwa. It's okay for me to catch a small cold.

Seonghwa : no it's not. Just leave the medicines outside and I'll take it once you leave. Go.

Siyeol : but-

Seonghwa : I told you I won't let you catch a cold, siyeol. Please just leave.

He never left her any choice

__________________________

2 YEARS AGO :

Seonghwa : siyeol.

Siyeol : yeah?

Seonghwa : aren't you having breakfast?

Siyeol : I'm dieting right now.

Seonghwa : no.

Siyeol : no?

Seonghwa : no you're not dieting, it's not good for your body.

Siyeol : but-

Seonghwa : shut the fuck up, moon siyeol. You're the prettiest most charming lady I've ever met in my entire life, you do not need to fucking diet right now and destroy your health just to fit into some shit-ass standards. So come along with me and have your meal.

________________________

Siyeol never knew the amount of times seonghwa had come back home to see her sleeping, carried her to their room and laid the blanket over her despite having a million bruises on his body. She never knew the amount of times seonghwa would stare at her sleeping face and whisper words of love, feeling tears slip down his eyes from how much he felt for this woman. She didn't know the amount of bullying and harassment seonghwa had to go through during his early years of being an engineer at the company. And neither did she know the amount of times he had pretended to be completely fine for her when he felt the most disgusting.

He lived for her, and maybe he always will.

_________________________

Present time :

Siyeol : this place is so beautiful, have I come here before?

Yeah, for all their anniversaries, seonghwa and siyeol had come here before together.

Seonghwa : yeah, you have.

Siyeol : with who?

Seonghwa looked at siyeol, the moonlight making her shine brighter and look so much more beautiful than the beach in front of them. They had been going around Seoul for an entire day, seonghwa showing siyeol around and explaining everything patiently. And she had listened, feeling a sense of Deja-vu every time she heard seonghwa talk about certain places. And this place was one of them.

Seonghwa : with…your friends?

Siyeol : friends from school?

Seonghwa : I suppose.

Siyeol nodded, knowing that was a lie. But she didn't bother asking, so she leaned back against her chair before saying

Siyeol : seonghwa.

Seonghwa : mm.

Siyeol : I don't know about the 2023 year old me, but the 2013 year old me used to like you, very much indeed.

Seonghwa froze, his heart stopping. Oh please no, he couldn’t handle any of that anymore.

Siyeol : didn't I ever confess to you? Did you reject me or something?

Seonghwa supposed it wouldn't hurt if he said one truth to her tonight.

Seonghwa : I wouldn’t dare reject someone like you, siyeol.

Siyeol : so then if I told you I loved you now, you wouldn't reject me?

Seonghwa flinched at her words, quickly shaking his head as he stood up.

Seonghwa : we mustn't do this.

Siyeol : wh-

Seonghwa : this is all I can show you for today, you have to go home now.

Siyeol : but-

Before she could say anything more seonghwa had already walked towards his car, turning it on and opening the door for siyeol to get in. and so she sighed, nodding as she complied to his wishes.

He left her no choice, after all.

_________________________

A week later :

Siyeol giggled as a butterfly landed right on her shoulder, trying to stay still in order to not scare it away. Seonghwa stood a few meters away from siyeol, watching her with intent eyes while still trying not to intrude her personal space. This had been one of siyeol's most favorites places to visit with seonghwa before the accident happened, a butterfly garden. And he brought her here for today, hoping it would bring her some sort of happiness.

And it did, because now siyeol looked like she was on top of the world. And god, did it make his heart flutter.

Siyeol : are you going to stand there forever like some statue?

Seonghwa : what else do you want me to do then?

Siyeol : take pictures of me.

Seonghwa frowned as siyeol handed her phone over to seonghwa, posing in front of a large tree as she smiled for the photo. Seonghwa stared at her in awe, still not being able to process how someone could look so enchanting.

Siyeol : yah! Are you going to take my photo or not?

Seonghwa nodded, coming back to his senses as he focused the camera properly on siyeol. When he was finally done taking the picture, he handed the phone back to siyeol. She smiled, looking through the pictures as she said

Siyeol : you make a pretty fine photographer, mr park.

Seonghwa : mm.

Siyeol sighed, looking up at seonghwa as she said

Siyeol : do you seriously make no witty comments?

Seonghwa : was I supposed to make one right now?

Siyeol shook her head in disappointment before walking forward towards other enclosures.

Siyeol : I want you to make a promise for me.

Seonghwa : what is it?

Siyeol : every Sunday, for 4 months, I want you to take me out like this.

Seonghwa : you want someone as boring as me to take you around the city for four whole months?

Siyeol : yes I do, I'm very different like that.

Seonghwa : your brother is not going to like this.

Siyeol : he's my brother, he'll understand if I tell him.

Seonghwa : you're going to get tired of me-

Siyeol : seonghwa-ya.

Seonghwa paused, looking down at siyeol as she stepped closer to seonghwa and said

Siyeol : I want an answer, not excuses. Yes, or no, seonghwa?

Seonghwa stared at siyeol, contemplating. What the hell was he supposed to do now? He could never deny siyeol of anything, but at the same time if the both of them kept doing this, wouldn't it only bring them both closer? That was the last thing seonghwa wanted, he did not want to put siyeol through the torture of loving him again. She said it herself once, that he was torture, and a curse. But-

Seonghwa's thoughts were cut off as a butterfly landed right on the tip of his nose, making his eyes widen. Siyeol giggled at that, quickly stepping back before clicking a picture. The butterfly flew away at the sound of the click, making seonghwa frown as he asked

Seonghwa : was that really necessary?

Siyeol : you looked pretty.

Seonghwa bit his lips, looking away as he felt a small blush creep up to his cheeks.

Siyeol : you know what, I'm not giving you an option anymore. You're coming along with me every Sunday for 4 months.

Siyeol stepped forward and booped seonghwa's nose before whispering cheekily

Siyeol : I leave you no choice, mr park.

__________________________

2 months later :

Seonghwa : I can't come with you today.

Siyeol : but why! It's a Sunday, it's the day of the week you're supposed to show me around. Don't you remember your promise?

Seonghwa : I do, but I just can't today. Some work came up.

Siyeol : hwa, really?

Seonghwa : I'm sorry. I'll come next Sunday, bye.

Before siyeol could say anything more seonghwa cut the call, instantly wiping his runny nose and sniffing hard. He was having a terrible fever, so there was no way he could even walk to his living room properly anymore, let alone walk around the entirety of Seoul with siyeol by his side.

Seonghwa laid back against his bed with a cough, feeling his entire body ache. He needed medicine and food but he couldn't get himself from bed. Well then, let him just die like this. Who the hell cares anyway.

Seonghwa had almost gotten himself to sleep an hour later when he heard footsteps approaching his bedroom, making his eyes shoot open. He lived alone, and there was no way anyone could guess his passcode. And if it was an intruder, seonghwa didn't have much in him to fight the person either.

Seonghwa looked towards the door as it opened, revealing…siyeol…?

Siyeol : I mean, I have many questions, because why the fuck is your passcode my birthday and why did I even try that combination on?

Seonghwa sat up on his bed shakily, shock still evident on his face.

Seonghwa : no. no no why are you here. I told you-

Siyeol : that you had work. But when did work ever mean being sick to the point you cannot even sit up properly, seonghwa?

Seonghwa : you have to go.

Siyeol : well, I'm sorry. Because I am not leaving. Where is your medicine cabinet again?

Seonghwa : siyeol, leave. I'm having a fever and it's contagious.

Siyeol : my point. So you need to have medicines and have someone take care of you as well.

Seonghwa : si-

Seonghwa cut himself off with a cough, recoiling back at the pain he felt from so much as coughing. God, he was so fucking sick. Siyeol shook her head and walked forward, sitting down on the bed next to seonghwa. He flinched and tried moving aside, the close proximity not helping him at all.

Seonghwa : please don't touch me.

Siyeol wasn't going to listen. She brought her hand forward, wanting to check his temperature. But seonghwa only moved further back from that move of hers, shaking his head desperately.

Seonghwa : please, I can’t…I don’t want you to be here.

Siyeol moved back from seonghwa, not understanding why he was being like this.

Siyeol : why are you always so scared of me, seonghwa. What have I done to you for you to be like this to me. Is it because I lost my memories, that I don't remember anything?

Seonghwa pressed his lips together, clutching the blanket tighter in his hands as he whispered

Seonghwa : it's not your fault.

Siyeol : then whose is it, tell me?

Seonghwa : I just don't want you to get sick.

Siyeol : seonghwa-ya, I don't care about any of that if it means you get better. Look at me, no?

Seonghwa shook his head, not wanting to look at siyeol. He couldn't trust himself when he was weak like this.

Siyeol : seonghwa, please. Don't be like this, I hate seeing you sick.

Seonghwa : I shouldn't matter to you.

Siyeol : except you do. And I can't help that, hwa.

Seonghwa looked at siyeol, suddenly forgetting all about his sickness. Siyeol slowly brought her hand forward, making seonghwa flinch back slightly. But she didn't stop even then, bringing her hand closer to seonghwa. And he finally let her touch his cheek, siyeol running her thumb along his feverishly hot cheek as she whispered

Siyeol : see, that didn't hurt, did it?

The siyeol before the accident had never done this to seonghwa, he hadn't let her. But this siyeol seemed more determined, and seonghwa less careful. It was as if he were letting her do anything to him and he didn't know why he couldn't stop her anymore.

Seonghwa : siyeol I-

Siyeol : no shh, lay back down and rest while I bring you food and medicine, hmm?

Seonghwa sighed, lying back against his bed as he decided there was no use in trying to argue with siyeol. If there was one similarity between the siyeol now and the siyeol then, it was that they were both stubborn as hell.

____________________

Siyeol : how long have you been sick for?

Seonghwa gulped down the soup siyeol was feeding him with another cringe before saying

Seonghwa : yesterday night.

Siyeol : did you get it from someone?

Seonghwa : probably.

Siyeol : you should be more careful, hwa.

He could never get used to her calling him that. And the new siyeol had managed to come up with the same nickname the old siyeol used to call seonghwa.

Seonghwa : so should you. Being in close proximity with someone sick like me isn't going to do anything good for you.

Siyeol : I'll manage, in that case.

Seonghwa sighed, taking another sip of the soup. God he hated soups.

Siyeol : seonghwa, do you not have anyone you love?

Yes.

Seonghwa : no.

Siyeol : even after all these years you don’t have a girlfriend? I don't think it'd be hard for ladies to date someone like you though?

Seonghwa : fortunately for me not all ladies share your same thoughts.

Siyeol smiled, keeping the finished bowl of soup away as she said

Siyeol : finally a non-serious comment.

Seonghwa : I was being very serious there.

Siyeol : really? Then let me be serious too. I wanna tell you I love you, but I don't really know how, or why.

Seonghwa flinched at her words, his eyes widening.

Siyeol : no because I've been with you for what, 7-8 dates? Which is…very less for someone sane to fall in love with a man but here I am, wanting to know how it would feel like to be loved by you. Thing is, seonghwa, even before we went on those dates I…I still felt something for you. Remember that time when sihyun was asking you to leave the hospital room and you were crying to see me and I let you through? I felt something for you then, seonghwa. But that is impossible if you and I were nothing before I lost my memories. Which is why I asked you, whether we were something because sihyun refused to tell me the truth.

Seonghwa looked away, finally understanding the whole situation. Siyeol had lost her memories during the car accident, but she never lost her feelings or her emotions. Those were still in there, and it sparked when she saw the person responsible for it. But she just couldn't understand why she felt all those things, and seonghwa could only imagine how frustrating that might be for someone.

Siyeol : I'm fucking clueless, seonghwa. I have no idea what I feel or how I'm feeling those things but I do. And I…I don't care anymore because I want you. I do not know, or care, about what we were before my accident but I wanna be together with you again. Can’t we at least…try? No?

Seonghwa : siyeol, I'm not a good person. I've never been a good person-

Siyeol : I couldn't care less. I do not care, hwa. I still want you.

Seonghwa : no.

Siyeol : no?

Seonghwa : no, siyeol. We cannot…we cannot be together.

Seonghwa had made the mistake of saying yes once, he wasn't going to do that again no matter how sick or weak he was.

Siyeol : okay. Okay, alright fine.

Seonghwa stared at siyeol, expecting her to get up and leave. But when siyeol lifted the blanket and laid it over seonghwa, his face contorted into a frown.

Seonghwa : siyeol?

Siyeol : yeah?

Seonghwa : what are you doing?

Siyeol : don't you wanna sleep? I think you should rest, although it's only late afternoon-

Seonghwa : no you're staying? After what I just said?

Siyeol : you have your own right to reject my love, so I understand. Plus you're sick, I'm not going to just leave you like that.

Seonghwa stared at siyeol, making her smile as she tapped his cheeks

Siyeol : I'm fine with also just being your friend, seonghwa. As long as I get to see this pretty face of yours.

_______________________

[hongthoven]

hiii i saw your requests are open and omfg- off topic but youre so pretty😞🫵 hongjoong would deffo be proud of himself for having you as his stan. NO JOKE.

Ahh also I've read almost every work youve done and your writing style, everything just- HOW YOU WRITE IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING, I could go on reading everything written from you for hours!

Anywayy- again, I saw your requests are open and ahaha since Im not a writer, and I admire you like A LOT i really wanna share one of my scenarios these days and mayyybeee you could writeeee abouuuuttt itttt hehe (ofc if you want --I wont be mad if you never make it lol ill continue support your work!)

So- IM SO WHIPPED FOR SEONGHWA. Been loving my man for years now lmfao so you already know whos this aboutt~, anyway hehe, i was thinking maybe writing 9th member fem!reader ! Ateez (and reader included ofc ofc) are going on vacation in a really nice hotel, with beach outside, everything's perfect for the members to relax a bit from their busy schedule! Reader is also kind of bf and gfs with seonghwa? I mean everyone in the industry AND out of the industry ships them, call them power dynamic and stuff and, even before that, reader and hwa always had that tense. Yk, reader is prettt close with all of her members, they feel like big brothers to her but fucking Park Seonghwa is driving her AND HIM insane since training day. Reader though, is mostly closer with Mingi if not Seonghwa and they are so so touchy with each other, flirting but for fun and nuh uh girl Seonghwa is POSSESSED. Hes so jealous and he doesnt even hide it. Doesnt even try to hide it. He doesnt have a problem with Mingi but when he sees his hands all over you gosh he really wants to make him watch you getting railed by him.

+ its beach day and ateez decide to play shoulder fights? Chicken fight? Lol idk how to say it and Reader get paired with Mingi which causes Seonghwa watching her thighs all over Mingis face. Ahhh- JEALOUS MUCH. Let me add also that of course Seonghwa and reader share the same room so in their way back from the beach it was so tense. Lol- kind of vers2 from your hongjoong jealous bf fanfic. (I RLY LOVED IT BTW🥲)

Im so so sorry if I didn't give you my exact thoughts but- i trust you enough to make it your own~ adding your little details and everything. Youre so talented I dont think you need my details- I think i gave out the main parts!

Thank you so much for your time and I hope you have, will have and had a nice day<33 im so excited for your new works!

(English is not my first language btw so excuse me if something did not make sense)

(actual representation of me reading the beginning of that message-- please??? what if I'm kicking my feet in the air and squealing right now? that was adorable! thank you so much ♥ I'm nowhere near beautiful, what you see is the disgusting reflection of my neverending love for Kim Hongjoong, nothing moooore...!)

I'm so sorry it took me AGES to get this request done but it is finally posted ♥ here ♥ !

I hope you enjoy! Thank you so much for requesting and for your lovely words! ♥

[ad0rechuu]

★ MILKY WAY. ━━ (000) ASK THEM ANYTHING part 2

💌 ZERO SAYS. wow it’s over! it feels bittersweet and emotional! i can’t believe it to be honest, it doesn’t feel real yet but i am very grateful for everything and also for the questions! i deleted the asks bcs i’ll answer it here but i got nearly teary eyed reading trough them again! i wanna be sappy and continue talking but ill keep it to myself for now because i think i should say everything in the afterword <3 i love you and i hope you’ll enjoy the last (special) chapter of mw! you can find part 1 here

❪ # i ❫ : What inspired your solo "Milky Way"? ━━ to yn

from @meginthebuilding27

YN : i was watching a drama when i wrote the music but the lyrics wouldn’t come to me, that was until i started writing with hwa, san and mingi, afterwards it was easy and i just wrote how they made me feel

❪ # ii ❫ : Did you ever think about the fact that she would find your fan accounts / So my question is would you all have ever told Yn about your fan accounts if sera never put two and two together? ━━ to psh, csn & smg

from @meginthebuilding27 & anon

SEONGHWA : I feel ashamed saying this but I don’t think I expected our relationship to ever progress to the point where telling her could be considered a possibility to be honest

SAN : I considered telling her when she found out about my crush but then I just couldn’t

MINGI : No it never even crossed my mind

❪ # iii ❫ : What did you feel when you finally released your first single? And how do you expect it to be perceived as from fans, what feelings should we get? ━━ to yn

from @jaehunnyy

YN : It was insane, I released it as a distraction for myself but instead it made me miss them more. As for the fans, it was a lot better perceived than I expected but I think everyone should make up their own meaning about it, it’s more fun that way. (However I wrote it with the intention of capturing the feeling of falling in love)

❪ # iv ❫ : What team are you guys on? Team Hwa, San, or Mingi? If possible please justify your answers ? ━━ to ateez (except psh, cs & smg)

from @seonghwaddict

HONGJOONG : Team Hwa! I hate to pick favorites but I was going to try to set Seonghwa up with Yn before I knew that she was his idol just because I think they would fit together like puzzle pieces

YUNHO : Team Mingi! Because he’d commit a war crime if I would say anything else

YEOSANG : Team Yuna! I like chaos and she can do so much better than these losers

WOOYOUNG : Team San! I trust Yn with san, San can’t be handled by just anyone you know, it takes a special kind of person

JONGHO : Team leave-Jongho-out-of-this.

❪ # v ❫ : I just wanna know their love languages! ━━ to yn, psh, csn & smg

from @tocupid

YN : I think my love language is words of affirmation! I like them all!

SEONGHWA : Definitely quality time, I think the ultimate type of love is the type where you can just be around your person doing whatever comfortably

SAN : Physical Touch!

MINGI : Korean!- Oh that type of language… hmm maybe gift giving, I’d love to spoil her

❪ # vi ❫ : What qualities of Yn made Seonghwa, San, and Mingi fall in love? (You don't have to go into major detail but I want to know about this from your perspective as the author) ━━ to psh, csn & smg (but answered by zero)

from @alixnsuperstxr

FOR SEONGHWA : I think Yns kindness and caring side made Seonghwa go from being a fan to being in love with Yn, the way she treats the people around her makes him want to take care of her in return. He tried really hard to separate the Yn he got to know as an idol and the Yn he got to know as a friend but he found that they were identical which made him want her even more

FOR SAN : For San it was Yns passion and love, this one is quite straightforward! San adored Yn the moment he saw her but what pushed him over the edge and made him fall in love was that she has so much love for everyone around her and craft

MINGI : Yns sense of identity and vulnerability, Mingi would always worry about the hate Yn received and get worked up about it (he still kinda does) but after seeing how she handles everything he was so impressed, the administration turned into love. She allows herself to feel hurt without changing herself because of what others think and he thinks she’s the coolest for it

❪ # vii ❫ : I know that in the group chat, each member has a different endgame and an idea of who Yn should pick, but why is that?? What makes them think they are suitable for Yn?? ━━ to ksg, fts, psj & syn

from @alixnsuperstxr

SEULGI : I chose Seonghwa because I know him the best out of the three, I’m not saying the others are not great but he’s just so sweet, I trust him to take care of my little sister well

FATOU : To be honest at first I chose Mingi just because he’s hot but then I noticed that she never has not a smile on her face when talking about him, which is sickeningly adorable

SWAN : *sigh* I’m guessing I can’t choose Park Taegyu huh? Just kidding! I choose whoever makes the Yn happiest

YUNA : Obviously I’m team YNNA first and foremost but I like how open san is about his feelings, something about him makes me think that Yn would always be his top priority

❪ # viii ❫ : How long has Sera had feelings for Yn?? ━━ to srw

from @alixnsuperstxr

SERA : I guess it started a while before I left, I’m not sure but I remember that it was very intense feeling that I haven’t felt since then

❪ # ix ❫ : if you could go back in time do you think you would change your mind about leaving (during trainee years)? If no, you would still leave, would you keep contact with yn this time? ━━ to srw

from @kodzumo

SERA : There is no point in crying over spilled milk but I do think the idol career was never meant for me, so yes I would leave but I’d keep contact with Yn and love her without being a coward… maybe in our next lives

❪ # x ❫ : What were you guy’s favorite songs off ‘Le Astre’? ━━ to psh, csn & smg

from @ kodzumo

SEONGHWA : I love the intro Body Language but I don’t think that counts so I choose Blue Flame

SAN : Loveade, no question!

MINGI : Other than the title track, I’d choose Deep!

❪ # xi ❫ : Has Lee Hyori answered any of your mail yet? ━━ to jwy

from @ kodzumo

WOOYOUNG : Sadly, no. However I’m now friends with Yn and Seulgi and Seulgi knows Boa who probably knows Lee Hyori so I’m staying hopeful!

seulgi’s note : Am I planning to give Wooyoung Boa’s number-?! Why in the world does he need her number?

❪ # xii ❫ : How is it seeing how far Yn has grown as a person from when you guys were younger? ━━ to khj

from @ kodzumo

HONGJOONG : It makes me super proud of her, I didn’t know she’d become an idol but I always knew she’d do great things- Don’t tell her I said that though

❪ # xiii ❫ : When are you free for a date (I’m literally spiderman pls)? ━━ to jyh

from @ kodzumo

YUNHO : I’m can plan something every day other than Monday’s, Thursday’s and Friday’s (because I work on those days), I love you so much Spiderman!

❪ # xiv ❫ : Have you shown yn your star wars lego collection yet (i also collect them hehe)? ━━ to psh

from @ kodzumo

SEONGHWA : We should be friends then! But I told her about it and she thought it was very cool, hopefully the next time I can show her them

❪ # xv ❫ : Not a question but I love you guys <3 ━━ to kys & cjh

from @ kodzumo

YEOSANG : You love m-me?

JONGHO : …Okay

author’s note : despite their answers both participants are blushing profusely

❪ # xvi ❫ : Also not a question but you guys are so cool I love you guys so much as well ━━ to star

from @ kodzumo

STAR : Thank you so much! We love you too of course!

yuna’s note : You love us more than them right??

swan’s note : Please feel free to ignore Yuna’s note

❪ # xvii ❫ : I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you and I hope you have the best day, mwah <3 ━━ to yn

from @ kodzumo

seulgi’s note : Yn is currently crying about how much she appreciates this message but I’m here to say that she is having a great day and she’s proud of you too

fatou’s note : She’s going on a date soon!

❪ # xviii ❫ : Now that we know that sera likes Yn, how do you feel? Also how does it feel to be part of this whole thing where MinSanHwa like Yn, Yn liked you, you like sera, and sera likes Yn????? ━━ to ptg

from anon

TAEGYU : Sera likes Yn? Her liking someone other than me hurts less than I expected… to be honest I kinda started to lose feelings after Sera started getting distant around the time Yn confessed. Anyway I’m not surprised she likes Yn, after all my dongsaeng is great! And the whole Yns crushes situation stressed me out a little, so the only thing I really have to say is that I’m glad it worked out but I wish that Yn and me were both less oblivious haha! I also don’t think they like me very much

❪ # xix ❫ : Did you guys have any hope that Yn was going to forgive you the moment your accounts were revealed to her? ━━ to psh, csn & smg

from @ jaehunnyy

SEONGHWA : I didn’t think about hoping in the slightest, when she said that she needed time I thought it was just a nice way of saying “I don’t want to see ever again’

SAN : I definitely hoped that she did, because she’s a really sweet person and I couldn’t imagine that she wouldn’t but I didn’t think she’d ever consider a relationship like this again

MINGI : I don’t know if I would be able to forgive me but I always wanted keep hope so I was torn the entire time

❪ # xx ❫ : When did you guys know that Yn was the one for you? ━━ to psh, csn & smg

from @ jaehunnyy

SEONGHWA : I started feeling something when she was so genuine to everyone in one of our first conversations (ch 013)

SAN : Oh my god it was when I met her in real life for the first time, I think I liked her before but this was different! (ch 025)

MINGI : I’m not sure, at first I just liked spending time with her and talking to her but then all of a sudden I couldn’t imagine a world without her anymore (ch ???)

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💌 TAGLIST. @bunnystrm @seongwin @aestheticsluut @gaebestie @stopeatread @pr1ncessm1ng1 @persphonesorchid @se0nghwaswife @seonghwasslytherin @leeknowsnothing @bluehwale-main @miriamxsworld @rieuvie @sunoo-bby @jcngh0-hq @dudufodd @nikisbf @mrowwww @end0rchans @qtdenks @mintgki @dear-dreamie @leo-seonghwa @evilsailorsenshi @choichaeyiul @iw4milf @yunstarz @cvberidiot @tubatu-wari-wari @sunshine1438 @legohwas @not2daym8 @brrrkdslek @whippedforbeomgyu @amara-mars @crvzy-fujoshi @hyuk4ngel @atinyinateezverse @nickiminajleftasscheek

[atinytease08]

You're mine. [P.SH]

˜”*°•.˜”*°•.•°*”˜.•°*”˜˜”*°•.˜”*°•.•°*”˜.•°*”˜

SUMMERY - You and your boyfriend Seonghwa get caught in the rain on your way home from a party. Little did you know that he didn't enjoy seeing you act so close with his colleague San. At first he tries to hide his jealousy but as soon as he joins you in the shower, he can't hold back anymore.

GENRE - smut, dom!seonghwa, sub!fem!reader, established relashionship, jealousy

WARNINGS - jealousy, rough sex, shower sex, little bit of choking, degredation kink, teasing

NOTES - i do accept request, so don't be shy to send some! :D

˜”*°•.˜”*°•.•°*”˜.•°*”˜˜”*°•.˜”*°•.•°*”˜.•°*”˜

"Shit!", you huffed as you and your boyfriend ran to seek shelter.

The rain seemed to have washed away the fuzzyness you felt from all the alcohol you drank, leaving you with a clear head.

You and your boyfriend Seonghwa were completely drenched, when you arrived home. You were cold and shaking, although you wore a thick jacket over your skimpy black dress.

"The weather forecast didn't say anything about rain!", you complained and pouted while you took off your shoes and your jacket.

"Right.", Seonghwa replied.

You were confused. Normally, he wouldn't have responded so dryly which made you wonder if you had done something wrong. You shrugged it off and went inside your shared apartment.

"It's so cold! You can go shower first, Hwa.", you said and gave him a warm smile. His gaze softened a bit but was still stricter than usually.

"It's fine. You go first."

"Sure?"

"Yeah."

You just nodded quietly, grabbed some dry clothes and underwear and made your way to the bathroom.

You finally got rid of your wet sticky clothes and hung them up to dry. Then you turned on the water and let it rain down on you. It was so nice and warm compared to the weather outside, making you let out a loud sigh.

You just washed your hair, when you suddenly heard the bathroom door behind you open.

"Hwa?", you called out but didn't recieve an answer. Instead you could see his shilouette through the foggy glass.

You didn't think much of it, already used to him being in the bathroom while you shower, so you went back to washing your body.

Suddenly, you felt two cold big hands on your hips. Startled, you turned around, just to be only a few inches away from Seonghwa.

You looked right into his hungry eyes. At that point, you were sure you had done something to upset him.

"Seonghwa-", you started but he interrupted you by pressing you against the cold tiles on the wall. His rough touch made you let out a loud moan.

His face came closer, bringing his lips to your left ear. You could feel his hot breath on your skin.

"Did you want to make me jealous? Huh? Is that why you acted so close with San?", he growled.

Now everything made sense. You could already feel your core wettening at the thought of what he was going to do to you now.

"So what if?", you said teasingly.

A smirk appeared on his plump lips.

"I guess I'll have to show you who you belong to.", his face came even closer as he whispered:"You're all mine."

You gulped, before he crashed his lips onto yours. The kiss was passionate, you could feel his lust seeping through it.

"S-Seonghwa", you breathed onto his lips, right before he kissed you again. His hands went from your hips up your waist and placed themselves on your breasts. His fingers playfully rubbed and flicked your nipples, causing you to let out a soft moan.

Suddenly you could feel his knee slightly pressing against your throbbing core, making you gasp.

You could practically feel the smirk on his cushion-like lips, but as the brat you were, you didn't want to let this slide without resisting.

You broke the kiss and started working your way down, over his jawline to his neck. You knew he had a sesitive spot there and purposely licked and sucked it.

Now he was the one gasping. One of his hands tangled up in your hair and slightly pulled on it.

"Now you've done it, (Y/n).", he growled, "Ready to be fucked dumb?"

Your eyes widened, as he suddenly grabbed your shoulders and turned you around. Your face was pressed against the wall's cool tiles, your hot breath fogging them up a bit.

"S-Seonghwa-", you started whimpering. You could feel his leaking tip on you entrance.

"W-Wha-", but before you could finish what you were about to say, he rammed inside you, making you release a loud scream.

Soon the pain of him suddenly streching your walls out, turned into pure pleasure. Now even Seonghwa couldn't hold in his deep moans.

"A-Ahh, that's right...", he breathed, waiting a few seconds before pulling out of you just to ram into you again. He repeated his movements over and over again, slowly picking up the pace.

After a while you could feel the knot inside of you thighten, your high slowly reaching, but it seemed that Seonghwa had other plans for you.

He pulled out of you, but instead of filling you out again, he waited. The emptiness inside you and your walls clenching around nothing- You couldn't bear it.

"P-Please! Need you so badly-"

"Now, who do you belong to, huh?", he tugged your hair, making you gulp.

"Seonghwa, p-please-"

"First answer my question, slut. Or do you not want me to make you cum-"

"Yours! I-I'm yours and yours only! Please, Seonghwa!", you whimpered, your voice drenched in desperation.

"Such a good girl, begging for me~", he purred, "Now, I shall reward you, hm?"

You nodded furiously and buckled your hips towards him, as he entered you again.

Your face pressed against the wall, as you could feel your climax crashing down on you like a firework that had been released inside of you.

"S-Seonghwa~", you moaned as he kept going, chasing for his own high.

"You're so good for me, hm? My sweet princess~"

Seconds later you could feel him quickly pull out of you and shoot hot ropes of cum all over your back. His cum mixed with the water dripped off you as you recovered from the overstimulation.

You felt weak, your legs about to give in every second when two strong arms slung around your waist, giving you support.

"I'm yours Seonghwa, always!", you mumbled between your breaths, as you turned around and nuzzled into his chest.

"That's right...You're mine~"

[consumeronionbulletin]

See You in My 19th Life (2023)

I unabashedly love this show. The actors, the characters, the way it was shot, the convoluted dramatic plot that seems to bend back on itself, it all works for me. But you have to keep in mind that this is not a romcom: it's a weepy dramedy with big romantic feels.

What worked

This cast is so great. Beautiful people acting out big feelings while telling a good story. The cinematography was excellent, restrained when it needed to be and leaning hard into the fantasy to tell the story in other places. The plot didn't always make logic sense, but the writing was very good at getting across the feelings it wants you to feel.

What Didn't Work

Some of the musical cues bothered me, especially when it tried to play up this big mystery about Kang Min-gi. (Was he a bad guy? Yes. Did he deserve his own sinister background music when he came on screen? No.) Also, there were a few logic breaks that I feel like would have been ironed out if they'd had 16 episodes instead of 12. Finally, I'm not an expert, but people who have read the webtoon it was based on were disappointed with some of the departures from the original story. None of this bothered me, because it had so many high moments.

The Performances

Shin Hye-sun as (19th lifer) Ban Ji-eum. I would die for this character. I would love to see her play a short season of the Korean version of Doctor Who, because she would nail that role. It wasn't just the moments of a beautiful person looking sad about drama, she played the comic parts well, she played the angry parts well, she was downright weird at times in a way that was unsettling, and that totally worked for this character. I now have to go back and see everything this actor has been in before now.

Ahn Bo-hyun as (sad rich boi) Moon Seo-ha. This actor was also really good. He had to play it straight and stoic through much of the series, and that could come across as wooden in some scenes, but then they would let him loose in a scene and it was amazing to watch. His chemistry with Shin Hye-sun was so good, as well.

Ha Yoon-kyung as (spring sunshine) Yoon Cho-won. I loved her in Extraordinary Attorney Woo, and this is even better. Her best role yet. The second lead couple in this was (somewhat) less emotional, and that made the slow burn more enjoyable in some ways. But I really loved the scenes with Cho-won and Ji-eum. Just as much fun to watch as the romantic scenes.

Ahn Dong-goo as (the driver) Ha Do-yoon. Somehow, this guy had to be more stoic than Ahn Bo-hyun's character, which made the moments when the emotions leaked out of him even more electric. I wish we'd had a few more episodes to get some happy romantic moments towards the end of the series, but he was still great to watch on screen and did an excellent job.

Cha Chung-hwa as (the niece) Kim Ae-kyung. She was good in Hometown Cha x 3, but I would riot if something bad happened to her character in this drama. Did I riot? Watch and find out!

Lee Si-woo as (the little brother) Ha Do-jin. A delightful character played really well by Lee Si-woo. It was always a fun scene when he showed up.

Lee Chae-min as (one weird guy) Kang Min-gi. I always felt unsettled when this guy was in a scene. In case you had doubts about the guy, he had creepy music following him around the entire series, but the actor didn't really need it.

Kang Myung-joo as (the sad mother) Jo Yoo-seon. I really loved her performances even though they were usually the saddest scenes. She had so few lines, and managed to do alot with them.

Bae Hae-sun as (evil stepmom) Jang Yeon-ok. I especially disliked her. The actor did a great job of playing a shameless, entitled backstabber. Nice to see her get a bigger role (liked her in It's okay to not be okay), even if it is as someone not very nice.

Baek Seung-cheol as (all time bad dad) Ban Hak-su. I hated this character so much, which shows the actor did a great job.

Moon Dong-hyuk as (bad brother) Ban Dong-woo. I loathed and pitied this character, overall another good performance.

Kim Si-a as (the 18th lifer) Yoon Joo-won. She did a very good job in some tough scenes. I'm always amazed at how good some of these young actors are.

Park So-yi as (the young 19th lifer) Ban Ji-eum. Very good in the episodes she showed up. Was fun seeing her onscreen opposite Ahn Bo-hyun.

Lee Han-na as (mystery girl) Han-na. They should have done more with this character or figured out how to do without her completely. They just didn't have the episode time to do her justice. Overall, an okay actor that was completely overshadowed by the other actors.

Seo-ha's Family. I'm usually indifferent to chaebol corporate nonsense, but the actors did an excellent job of making you feel like part of the family. A terrible family, that treated Seo-ha terribly. The uncle (played by Lee Hae-young) was a standout, but they were all good in their own way, including the step-brother.

The past lives. I really enjoyed the different past lives. They didn't always have alot of lines, but they still made you feel something as you got little snapshots of harrowing moments in their lives.

The bad rich boy society guys. Honorable mention. I didn't always know their names, but every scene where they mistreated Ha Do-yoon's character was still infuriating, and that was on the actors as much as the writing.

TL;DR

This show is something special. I highly recommend it if you have any kind of interest in the premise. I will definitely be rewatching it.

[rainytypology]

ATEEZ Seonghwa MBTI Analysis

- ISFJ -

An in-depth analysis of an idol's MBTI type. Based on my opinion and observations, may change later. Not an expert.

MBTI: ISFJ (Si - Fe - Ti - Ne)

Dom: Si - Introverted Sensing

A perceiving function that relies past experiences and familiarity to process info

Si likes to structure their inner and outer world, hence why Seonghwa likes everything to be clean and organized. Everything has its correct and original place; no need to change it. There was a weekly idol episode where Hwa had to watch ATEEZ clean up their mess and he had the most distraught expression.

In a way, he can be "traditional" and conformative; e.g making sure Wooyoung wouldn't cross the senior/ junior boundary when he was joking with Stray Kids' Changbin. Hwa couldn't even make casual talk with Jessi even though he was allowed to. With Si's sense of traditionalism, it's likely what made him take on a very motherly and caring role for the group. He may be the youngest in his family, but now being the oldest for ATEEZ, he probably felt it made sense to be an older brother for them. After all, older people usually watch and care for younger people.

Also his letter "The Thing called Time" is overwhelmed with Si. The way he mentions his past thoughts and feelings, his experiences and comparing them to the present is very Si. "In the past, I only felt disappointed and upset about the time that has passed, but now I think I'm at an age where I can be grateful to that time and let it go...I don't think we can stop everything from changing. Just like we can't stop the sun from setting. I think the me who used to be afraid of everything changing, is growing into a bright and cool adult thanks to TEEZ and TINY. (Seems like development of inferior Ne. Dominant Si wants things to stay familiar - even mentions his fear of change - but improvement of Ne makes him realize life is constant change and he needs to learn to adapt to it.)

Getting older is heartbreaking, but want to spend my future time more meaningfully while reminiscing about my happy times and I think should do my best in the present. (Balance of Si and Ne here)

Because time doesn't wait for us. If time waits for us, stops for us, they won't be memories, right? So think understand the words that you have to spend your time well. These days, think hope to be more mature, so that someome can lean on my heart and rest.

Have TINYS ever had these kind of concerns too? want to tell you that I'm rooting for you no matter what your concerns are. I'll always be by TINY's side. love you as always. (Last two sections are quite Fe; wanting to be relied on is so Fe)

Aux: Fe - Extroverted Feeling

A judging function that values social harmony in order to achieve a goal

Almost all his choices revolve around others. Learning to cook for the members, cleaning and organizing for them (as well as himself since Si likes routine).

His Si + Fe made him a caretaker of the group. Si + Fe makes him remember even the little things that most people wouldn't think much about, especially since Si tends to be detail oriented (I've also noticed high Si can be a bit sentimental...). E.g being extremely touched by Yunho and Yeosang when they held up him on stage when Hwa injured his rib and even cried about it. Yet it wasn't that big of a deal to Yunho.

He also acted like a counselor when Wooyoung was having his friendship issues with Yeosang and San a couple of years ago. I think the members have said Hwa is the best listener...He genuinely does seem very understanding and considerate, sometimes even asking about members how they're feeling.

 Tert: Ti - Introverted Thinking

A judging function that uses subjective thinking and logic to make the most rational decisions

In all honesty, I don't see him use it much. Although it is tertiary, a neutral spot, so it's likely why I don't really see it.

Inf: Ne Extroverted Intuition

A perceiving function that creates new ideas through connections and patterns in the environment

Seonghwa is a pretty curious person, always excited by new things. He also seems more comfortable showing more of his goofy, silly side lately. He's not as shy as he used to be.

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Other analysis:

Enneagram | Birth chart

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Kpop typology list

[tiffanylamps]

I think it’s funny/interesting that Han Juwon was like “She’s an alien/foreigner! She won’t be missed! No one would notice!” (I’m paraphrasing a lil) about Lee Geumhwa when he himself spent a decade abroad (literally abandoned) with no one to speak of.

The thoughts that invade my mind when I’m late to class, really T-T

So, I had to let this sit with me for a day or two. Cause... Han Joo Won is so frustrating sometimes. I've looked up the scene when Joo Won and Han Ki Hwan argue over Joo Won's connection to Lee Geum Hwa's murder. I checked two different versions and the wording Joo Won uses is-

"But she was an illegal alien! They cannot identify her. Even if they do, there is no evidence that ties me to this woman. Everything they have will be circumstantial." (Episode 3)

I have three interpretations of Joo Won's feelings toward Lee Geum Hwa (in this scene) and I'll overexplain them to you now.

During this point in the show, Joo Won knows Lee Geum Hwa has been murdered by the serial killer he has been investigating for 9 months. In the past twenty years, Joo Won is the only officer (that we know of) that has taken an active interest in the Manyang cold case and figured out how it connects to the Busan killings.

He used Lee Geum Hwa for his sting operation. He leveraged his position of power over her and used the fact that she was in the country illegally (and the fact that she was a sex worker) against her. He forced her to comply with what he wanted to do, despite the fact she didn't freely consent to it and the fact that the plan completely disregarded her safety. Her compliance was given under duress/blackmailing and her life was taken as a result.

Joo Won's actions lead to Lee Geum Hwa's murder. Without him, it's pretty safe to assume that Geum Hwa would've lived. Joo Won didn't actively kill her but because he abused his power, he became one of the main reasons for her untimely death.

And it is tearing him apart.

(whenever Joo Won thinks about Geum Hwa, he drinks alone in his flat)

Joo Won isn't a bad person. He made a terribly selfish decision, which he carelessly did not execute with any sense of tact whatsoever. He should never have done that sting operation alone and shouldn't have left Geum Hwa to fend for herself. Side note: I seriously don't understand how he could receive her text messages and not tell anyone! He knew she had contact with the killer and then... silence... he doesn't hear from her again and he didn't inform anyone. wtf jw.

I think this is the worst thing Joo Won has ever done. I think what happened between him and Dong Sik is waaaaay more of a grey area in comparison to this! He treated Geum Hwa like she wasn't human! He treated her the way the majority of sex workers are viewed by the general public: expendable and less-than (human).

The reason Joo Won uses the term "illegal alien" (which is probably a funky translation) is because he mimics the language his father uses.

"... and find out your team was looking into the massage shop case with illegal aliens?"

In this scene, Joo Won is desperate! He is riddled with guilt and misplaced anger (he's placing all of the blame and his anger onto the killer instead of himself) for what has happened. He wants to make it right, he wants to find out who did this to Geum Hwa so he can make amends with her and absolve himself.... But at this point in time, he won't take responsibility for what he's done.

In this scene, Joo Won is running away from his involvement because his guilt is too much for him to bear. He doesn't want to face the gravity of his actions, because he if were to, it would destroy him... and it does, partially, when he faces it in episode 4/5.

So, he dismissive her to make "the issue" sound smaller. To make himself feel better. (which is a super human thing to do when you're in denial)

Also, he's talking to his father in this scene and Joo Won is pretty good at knowing when to adjust to his audience. His father wants Joo Won to be like him: methodical, logical, emotionless, "perfect" (which is all bullshit because HKH is none of those things). So, that's who Joo Won tries to be around him. It's a survival tactic that he's learnt over the years but it's not who Joo Won is. HKH and Joo Won are both painfully aware that Joo Won is an emotional man, who requires emotional support (gosh, i wonder why??? can't think of a reason lol). But Han Ki Hwan is never going to give him that.

^ See how badly he wants his father to support and reassure him? Despite Joo Won not liking Han Ki Hwan, he still desperately wants him to be his father. Joo Won wasn't raised or brought up by his parents, so in moments of high stress, he seems to revert back to child-like qualities, almost as if he hasn't been taught how to deal with his emotions in a responsible way. So, in this moment of true desperation, Joo Won diminishes Geum Hwa's personhood to a title because 1) of his own guilt and 2) because he wants his father's support.

I can see why he's not acting like a mature adult in this situation. Joo Won was brought up by nannies and was sent to England at the age of 7. He seems to be kind of emotionally underdeveloped because he's never been given the space to express himself or deal with his emotions in a healthy manner before they become explosive. Han Ki Hwan and Joo Won both have explosive tempers, which is either a part of their genetics or it's a response to stress that Joo Won has learnt from his father.

Joo Won was abandoned by his parents at the age of 7. He was shipped to a foreign country on a different continent and left to fend for himself. What that does a child, I don't know, but it doesn't seem to have done any good. So, the third reason I believe Joo Won is so dismissive of Geum Hwa is because he's projecting:

No one cared about me. No one checked up on me. I was left alone, etc, etc.

Joo Won felt abandoned and so he projects those feelings and experiences onto Geum Hwa to lessen the blow that Geum Hwa does have a family... in China*. Who might never find out what happened to her but might like to know.

So, the implication of "she won’t be missed! No one would notice!” is definitely there in his actions.

Han Joo Won narrows Lee Geum Hwa down to a single short sentence because it's easier for him to deal with her when she is dehumanised. Instead of seeing her as a whole human being with wants and friends and desires, with a family, with a life, that isn't any less valuable than Joo Won's own. No matter her immigration status or job title, she mattered. And he treated her like she was nothing more than a chess piece on his big clever board, instead of a woman (that he probably had a few things in common with).

*I hope I'm remembering that correctly lol

(Episode 4, post panic attack: Joo Won sitting all night by the reed field he found Geum Hwa's body in, instead of going home)

but you know why I love Joo Won so much?? He grows, learns, and reveals. Joo Won deeply cares about what happened to Geum Hwa, it's why he went to Manyang. He needed to be the one to make it right, he needs to remember her, to respect her in death because he didn't do it in life. He wants to make amends for his actions and it makes him soooo human and flawed... but good. Han Joo Won does bad things but it doesn't mean he is a bad person... and I just... yeah, he means a lot to me.

So.... yeah.... I don't know if I have expressed my thoughts in a coherent way. I'm going to shut up now. I must have a "too-much" gene because this is truly a ramble of all rambles. I won't keep you hostage any longer! Thank you for the ask, I always appreciate them! Please never hesitate to them send them my way <3

TL;DR: jw talks shit about lgh because 1) he's guilty and can't deal 2) he wants a support system 3) he's projecting

(I hope I'm not coming across as being soft on him. he's responsible for his own actions. no amount of daddy issues will take away the fact that he did a bad thing)

[honeyhotteoks]

Hello! This is a bit of a late response considering I read the 3 new chapters on the day you released them but I’ve been super busy and wanted to fully compliment them rather than respond in a rushed manner. I was actually on a college residential trip in Germany but dropped everything to read the new chapters, I was so excited and it did not disappoint! So here comes my stupidly long list of thoughts that no one asked for but I’m giving to you anyway because I am hyper fixated on this fanfic-

As a Hwa bias, chapter 10 was cruel, but in the best way possible. The way their alpha x alpha relationship is similar to that of wlw or mlm one in real life is so painful but such a smart metaphor. My situation is in fact very similar to his, being queer but financially dependant on my parents, so this definitely hit home. I hope the best for our Sanhwa but I love the subtle representation this dynamic is providing for us. The fact that neither of them let Wooyoung in on it because they want to protect him from the truth, are you trying to break my heart?! I can’t wait to see what you’ve got in store for them in future chapters. Mingi admitting fault is my favourite thing ever. I hate the trope of the main love interest being as close to perfection as one can be, Yungi having flaws humanises them so much and adds a whole lot of depth to their characters, making the story itself so much more interesting. But I’m also so happy that we are back into Yungi x Y/n fluffy era.

Chapter 11 was the prefect breath of air between 2 very angsty chapters. I literally love Wooyoungs character so much and getting to see him happy made me feel all giddy inside. Also love that Yeosang and Jongho are more included in this chapter. I hope we get to see Woosangs relationship develop more in future, they're such as cool side couple and deserve the best. The way Minseoks character slowly became more prevalent created great foreshadowing to the threat he would become, it’s paced so well and is such an enjoyable sense of anticipation.

And chapter 12. Oh chapter 12. Alike to chapter 10, I like the way that it represents trauma while being in a fictional and fantasy context. It gives the opportunity of being able to empathise with such an experience as it acts for a metaphor of traumatising experiences many of us have have in real life without directly describing it. And my god is it described well. I feel so much rage towards this fictional character, its not even funny. Once again Wooyo and Y/ns omega friendship that non of the others will ever be able to understand is so heart-warming and the way that Yungi and Woosanhwa put their differences aside when the person they love most was in danger. But also…wdym Hwa was sat with his head in his bloody hands?! I need to know! I didn’t even stop to think about the guys perspective because I was so invested in how Y/n perceived it but that teaser you dropped has made me so hungry for it. It’ll add weight to this climatic portion of the plot and so much depth to characters as were able to see how such an awful situation will influence their rational.

Once again Chai you have blown me away and allowed me to enjoy reading in a way I never believed I could. I’ll continue rereading these amazing chapters until the next update. Much love,

- 👻 anon

oh my goodness thank you SO much for this comment. i've read it a couple of times now, and i just really appreciate that chapter ten resonated with you. it took a while to figure out that dynamic with san and hwa, but i'm really happy with how it came together.

i hope you also enjoy the chapter 12 from the boys perspective release.... your comment on seonghwa's bloodied hands..... all is revealed and i really hope you enjoy that too!!

thank you as always!