#yes this is what I am doing with my life

[panthera-tigris-venenata]

Jordan’s deal

Literally no one asked for this, but I don’t care.

Ursula is a menace to society and loves her personal soap opera, the Hook family drama (TM). She doesn’t even mind that Uma got dragged in anymore.

And Jordan? Why, Jordan is a blogger, a reporter. She can give Ursula all the gossip she wants. It’s a match that was meant to be, really, and gods know why Jordan disagrees.

[PoV of very grumpy Jordan]

It’s midnight and Jordan’s phone is ringing. Which is weird, since she is pretty sure she put it on silent mode, well, pretty much just as she got the phone and then never turned that back on. Like, ever.

She groans and extends her arm in the vague direction of the annoying device. It doesn't stop ringing.

Bloody thing.

She mutters a string of slurry curses at it, which, weirdly enough, don’t make it shut up either. Instead, the song – wait, is that an instrumental version of Poor, Unfortunate Souls?! 

…Of course it is. Of fucking course it is.

And of course it starts playing even louder.

And in hindsight, Jordan really shouldn’t have given the infamous sea witch her contact when they finalised their deal. But in Jordan’s defence, she really didn’t think Ursula knew how to use a phone.

Realising that the phone won’t shut up on its own, Jordan climbs out of her warm and comfy bed and picks up the call.

„Yeah?“ she greets unenthusiastically.

„Well, get on with it, girl!“ the sea witch’s voice does not sound like it’s coming from the phone reproductor at all. Jordan refuses to acknowledge that.

„Get on with what?“ she asks, trying to get her brain back online and running. She decides that Ursula owes her a coffee for this.

„Well, what do you think? What do I pay you for?“

„You do not pay me. You asked me for extra coverage of your daughter and, as you put it, the Hook family drama in Auradon, in exchange for advertising my channel in your restaurant.“

Which, admittedly, worked out quite well. Jordan’s subscription base receives quite steady growth due to this arrangement, whether it is because Ursula is very persuasive or because she thinks that holding her customers at knife point is fun, well, that’s not Jordan’s problem.

(Ursula disagrees. She thinks it’s fun to call at any time to share her tactics with Jordan. She was especially amused at poisoning the food of some annoying scallywags and withholding the antidote until after they subscribe. Jordan decided that this is also not her problem and deleted the record of the call from her phone. You know, plausible deniability.)

„Figures,“ the sea witch shrugs, „Now, what did I hear about my daughter and the Hook boy?“

„You need to wait and see in the morning like everybody else. It’s literally midnight.“

„Oh, I know it is midnight, dear – I have the Unhappy Hour around here, so you better hurry up!“

Jordan sights. There is no winning this one, is it.

She really needs to figure out how to block possibly magic phone calls. At least for the nights. Or forever.

„I’m waiting–“ Ursula singsongs and Jordan bites her tongue, as insulting a greek goddess is never a good idea. That much even she knows.

„You really need to stop calling Harry the Hook boy,“ she says instead.

„And why would I ever do that?“ Ursula has the freaking audacity to sound genuinely surprised, „It’s easy to remember and true. I have to use extra adjectives for the girls, would you believe that?“

„… You could use their names?“ suggests Jordan weakly.

„…Nah. Now, the Hook boy and my daughter?“

Okay, sure. This works. Jordan mentally pents up the price of this call of another coffee and a shot of rum.

„Really though, you might need to find another nickname soon,“ she says, and, yeah, her brain hasn't really caught up to her mouth yet, „Because he proposed to Uma and offered to take her name.“

„Well, what did she say?“

Suddenly, Jordan can hear a commotion through the phone, raised voices of drunk sailors admonishing each other to „shut the fuck up for once in your life“ and „Quiet or I’ll kill you right now!“

(All three Hooks and Uma are way more creative with their death threats, by the way.)

„Did you put me on speaker?“ Jordan asks in disbelief.

„Well, duh. I have a betting pool over them running. Now, what did she say? What about the ring? Did anyone die? Was there any ritual sacrifice?“

Jordan wisely decides not to comment on the sea witch’s priorities in general and the ritual sacrifice part in particular. She doesn’t want to know more.

Though, actually…

„…Wouldn’t you know it if there were a ritual sacrifice?“

„Obviously not. It would be dedicated to my daughter, wouldn’t it now?“ Ursula responds in „well, duh,“ tone and Jordan decides that she is done with the questions.

„Actually, could you do me a favour, dear?“ Ursula asks, as if she just remembered something.

„I certainly could not do you a favour, thank you for asking!“ replies Jordan with her best fake cheer voice. She shouldn’t be forced to do this in the middle of the night.

Ursula laughs and offers to help her film an exclusive tour through the port of the Isle of the Lost. Or through the back alleys of Atlantica, her choice.

That is way better.

„Well, now we are talking,“ replies Jordan, „What would you like me to do?“

„Convince the youngest Hook that ritual sacrifices are fun and awesome wedding entertainment and make it seem like it was her idea all along.“

„…Sounds fair.“ Hopefully, there will be no human sacrifice needed. But Jordan is deleting this call too, just in case.

„And by the youngest Hook you mean CJ?“ she asks, just to be sure.

„Yeah, that one.“

„Okay.“ Jordan prepares to hang up, but then she remembers one important detail – in her defence, it’s midnight, and it’s not like they knew.

„Little problem.“

„…Yeah?“ prompts the sea witch as the restaurant behind her actually stills.

„You do know that they have been legally married since they were like sixteen, right?“

…And the regulars erupt in awful noise again. Jordan’s head hurts.

„I’m just saying because apparently, they didn’t know that. But I found the paperwork, so… Well, anyway, you’ll see more in the morning. Bye!“

And Jordan hangs up before Ursula can react.

Hopefully she will get some more sleep now – especially if she leaves her phone outside of her lamp. That way, she can’t hear it ringing. Hopefully.

[deep-space-lines]

okay but like. I just had the weirdest thought about that ‘don’t look I’m naked’ comic. Which is that that’s essentially the same thing Adam and Eve did after they ate the fruit of knowledge of good&evil. So I feel like the theological implications of that could kneecap Gabe if he doesn’t think V1 is a being with free will.

yeah ok. i dunno man. is this anything

((side note. this isn’t necessarily meant to be in-character or story-accurate or take place at any particular point in time, just a way to explore some Thoughts. i was also imagining more that V1’s words aren't actually spoken, more like Gabriel’s more articulate interpretation of whatever garbled mechanical noise V1 is using to communicate. I think an angel could do that.))

and then they fucked nasty the end

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Sublime Equine.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[lazylittledragon]

do any other artists feel like. yeah you're a 'good artist' because you draw things that look nice, but like. TECHNICALLY? you're really not great

i really hate that i can recognise that yes, my art is good, but is it VARIED? is it dynamic?? is my anatomy good? is it full of texture and colour theory? do i know how to do This? can i do That? no, not really. and that's quite painful actually

[collophora]

This fic is leaving rent free in my head since a week so go read it: Haunting by @iiidunno : https://archiveofourown.org/works/54832273/chapters/138984958 [Edit] ok I put half a BG 'cause really It was bothering me

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

Transcript:

Machine.

Does my ass look fat in this armor?

Audio source

[aliciavance4228]

Apparently Zeus Isn't the Biggest Whore...

I made a Top 3 Malewhores from Greek Mythology out of curiosity, and apparently Zeus isn't the first one.

3rd Place: Apollo! 🥉

Bodycount: 52

Goddesses (4)

Hecate

Calliope

Urania

Thalia

Nymphs (15)

Aethusa

Acacallis

Chrysothemis

Corycia

Cyrene

Leuconoe

Melaena

Melia

Ocyrrhoe

Othreis

Urea

Rhetia

Sinope (depending on the myth version)

Stilbe

Syllis

Mortal Women (24)

Acalle or Acacallis

Amphissa

Euboia

Aria

Deione

Arsinoe

Dryope

Evadne

Erginos

Hecuba

Hyria

Celaeno

Chione

Coronis

Creusa

Cyrene

Leucippus' wife

Manto

Parthenope

Phthia

Procleia

Psamathe

Thero

Thyia

Male Lovers (9)

Hyacinthus

Hymenaeus

Cyparissus

Adonis

Admetus

Branchus

Helenus

Hyppolytus

Phorbas

2nd Place: Zeus! 🥈

Bodycount: 56

Goddesses (16)

Aphrodite

Demeter

Dione (unless Aphrodite is motherless)

Eurynome

Gaia

Hera

Hybris (depending on the myth versions)

Calliope

Leto

Metis

Mnemosyne

Nemesis

Persephone (again, depending on the myth versions)

Selene

Styx (when she's the mother of Persephone)

Themis

Nymphs (18)

Aegina

Aix

Borysthenes' daughter

Deino

Electra

Himalia

Hora

Io

Callirhoe

Carme

Maia

Nymphe African

Nymphe Sithnis

Nymphe Samothrakian

Othreis

Plouto

Taygete

Thalia

Mortal Women (21)

Alcmene

Antiope

Danae

Dia

Elara

Europa

Eurymedusa

Callisto

Calyce

Cassiopea

Lamia

Laodameia

Leda

Lysithoe

Niobe

Olympias (Yes, mother of Alexander of Great!)

Pandora

Pyrrha

Phthia

Semele

Thyia

Male Lovers (1)

Ganymede

1st Place: Poseidon! 🥇

Bodycount: 73

Goddesses (5)

Amphitrite

Aphrodite

Demeter

Gaia

Circe

Nymphs (26)

Alcyone

Anippe

Arethusa

Ascra

Beroe

Eidothea

Euryte

Celaeno

Celusa

Chione 1

Chione 2

Cleodora

Corcyra

Diopatra

Medusa (I know she's a gorgon but this is the closest category she could've been included in)

Melantheia

Melia

Mideia

Nymphe Khias

Nymphe Tarentine

Peirene

Pero

Pitane

Salamis

Thoosa

Tritonis

Mortal Women (40)

Agamede

Aethra

Alope

Althaea

Amphikriton's daughter

Amymone

Anippe

Arene

Arne or Antiope

Astydameia

Astypalaea

Europa (not that Europa, another one; now I'm starting to believe that Poseidon tries to copy Zeus...)

Euryale

Eurycyda

Eurynome

Helle

Hyppothoe

Iphimedeia

Caenis

Calyce

Canace

Celaeno

Chalcinia

Chrysogeneia

Cleito

Larissa

Leis

Lena

Libya

Lysianassa

Mecionice

Melantho

Mestra

Molione

Oenope

The wife of Prince Ornytion

Periboea

Themisto

Theophane

Tyro

Male Lovers (2)

Nerites

Pelops

[made-nondescript]

If u still want ideas to draw..... perhaps a hotguy? All beaten up and bloody? Give him a flower crown tho. Gotta balance the suffering somehow. /silly

No if u wanna I'd just love to see hotguy in general. Love ur art <3

HIIII STIFF :D hotguy is not having a fun time. i think this is the first time ive ever drawn hotguy so i totally was making this up as i go LOL

[m-a-d-e-l-e-i-n-e]

I hope leftists who think they’re above voting for president or are voting for Jill Stein or whoever because it’s their stupid way of protesting the system feel good about themselves, especially if Trump wins partly because of your negligence 😍 I know you’re not doing shit to plan the proletarian revolution, especially before January, so you guys better not complain about something harming you that you didn’t even bother to try and change

(edit: changed the last part bc I wrote “…if life gets a lot worse for you” cause that does nottt sound right at all and I apologize for writing that)

[flipflopmaster]

Fem!Ford at your service I'm out

[wasyago]

oh boy, what are we doing to do with you now...

[rin-solo]

Ages ago, I promised a sequel to my Ruthlessness sketches with my new Poseidon design, and well... See, I had a very specific vision for this, my beloved 🫶 favorite song in the whole entire musical. And I guess I was finally brave en- I mean, found the time to bring it to life. Enjoy 🙈🌊🔱

@glisten-inthedark look at what I've done now

[devasdiary]

Little like minds fanart 🎀

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Izutsumi character study

[expectiations]

I still find it funny that people call eleven a "deadbeat husband" and their marriage "toxic" but twelve is the "perfect husband" and their marriage "wedded bliss" all because of the few moments we'd seen between 11 and River were them being "toxic". yes of course! let's ignore how the minisodes show how that description isn't true and even how little moments in the episodes themselves – "what? that's it?" (why haven't you kissed me goodbye? are you being sly on purpose so I'd kiss you first?) and "they wouldn't bury my wife out here" and the music room is the heart of the home and it's not a ghost story, it's a love story – show 11 cared and put in the work and yes, they're going to have disagreements like the ones in TATM because duh who doesn't but it does not mean it is the entirety of their relationship but people have taken it and made it the entirety of their relationship.

[redgoldblue]

so assuming Avery is actually pregnant / doesn't early-trimester miscarry (which is not a given), there's two reasonable ways this can go, right. number one is she gets an abortion, the plotline is used to pull them all back together again, and they all have some collective hurt/comfort about it. number two, the one i would write - don't get me wrong, i'm all for women getting career-driven abortions, but hear me out - is the one where she does have the baby. under the cut bc it got long.

she goes to med school at first while pregnant - Max is right, it can be done, people in my cohort did it - and either gets lucky with the timing of the actual birth being during holidays, or just works her way to getting time off for a few weeks around it. And then... there's a baby. And you know what else there is? There's two dads (because we're 100% Mamma Mia-ing this bitch. they never find out who the bio dad is and they never seriously try. Baby comes out with Avery's exact skin tone so that's no clue.), and an entire cruise ship worth of backup babysitters. So Avery goes back to med school, and leaves the baby with Tristan and Max.

And, yes, raising a baby while also running an infirmary with a rotating cast of temporary substitute nurses filling Avery's role isn't the easiest thing they've ever done, but Robert loves fulfilling grandparent duties any time he's not on duty; Rosie gets one of those strap-on baby carriers and walks her (i don't know why i've decided the baby is a her but i have now) around the engine room pointing out parts and explaining concepts and hey, the baby never complains about her Michigan stories; Corey gets a cart and a bundle of clean sheets and pushes her down the corridors until the smell of laundry powder automatically makes her start laughing.

Max and Tristan make a pact to send Avery at least two photos a day - which ends up getting supplemented by everyone else who's with Baby - and FaceTime her most days, and whenever she gets a few days off she meets them in port. (The most expensive part of baby-raising ends up being her flights to wherever the Odyssey happens to be at the time, at least until Robert finds out and figures out a way to start paying her 'maternity leave', despite her insistence that the whole point of this is that she isn't maternity-leaving and he should probably be paying himself that and anyway, isn't she technically not an employee right now?)

And the thing is, during this time, Max and Tristan start... realising some things. Like how neither of them feel like they've lost their only partner, because they.. haven't. Like how the co-parenting's been working out better than either of them expected, because they fell instantly (minus a few minor bumps) into a shared rhythm. Like how sometimes they look at the other one holding Baby and feel like their heart's about to explode.

Also, they've both started sleeping in Max's bed. Because Baby's spent so much time sleeping in the corner of the infirmary that now if she wakes up at night and can't see both of them, she starts crying inconsolably. And obviously Max's suite is more suited to multiple inhabitants, and they're usually too damn exhausted to even remember the first time they were in this bed together.

(usually. most of the time. and when they're not, they don't make it the other's problem)

So at the end of the first year of this, the last two days of the year's last cruise have been packed with crisis after crisis after demanding patient after crisis, and as soon as they finally wave the last passenger off they hand Baby gratefully over to Robert and go crash out in Max's bed.

Avery was supposed to be meeting them on board tomorrow, but her last exam gets unexpectedly moved up by a day (believe me, med school loves to pull that kind of shit on you), so a couple hours after the passengers have gone, she shows up to surprise them. And finds Robert (a known ody3 shipper) first, who lets her take Baby with minimal captainly sulking about it, and while she rocks and kisses Baby, tells her (as a known ody3 shipper) that the two dads will be on the Pelican deck, but they're probably asleep.

Avery kinda frowns at him, but doesn't question it, and takes Baby up with her to Max's suite to find them. And they are both fast asleep, on either side of Max's bed with a space carefully preserved between them (because it's usually where Baby would be and they're both terrified of accidentally rolling onto her in the middle of the night). She's also exhausted after exams, so she crawls into it, lies on her back with Baby on top of her chest, and goes straight to sleep.

Tristan and Max wake up before her, and when they look across at each other, at Avery and Baby between them, they both simultaneously realise, oh. oh. oh, this - this three, two-and-half, four people, all together - this is it. this is the love, this is the children, this might even be the home - the second, third, fourth bucket list items to happen in this bed.