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lcahwriter · 2 years ago

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Running (Part 1)

Pairing: Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x fem!reader

Word count: 5.2k

TW: Anxiety, past abuse, stalking, mentions of sex but no actual smut.

Summary: You ran across the country to the place you knew you’d be the safest- with Maverick on a Navy base somewhere in California. Your plan was to lay low until the coast was clear - but then you met Bradley Bradshaw.

Will you be able to escape the man who was determined to find you? Will you be able to keep Bradley safe? To fall in love again?

COMPLETED SERIES! Masterlist <—

Authors note: Holy shit, this has been a fun one to write. Please enjoy!

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It was 4pm on a Tuesday, the slowest day of the week at the Hard Deck. You mundanely polished the shot glasses that sat on the bar counter. Despite slow days being your least favorite – you were still thrilled to be working and not stuck alone at Mavericks house.

The Hard Deck and the navy base were the only places Mav allowed you to go to alone. Well- allowed was a harsh word. It was more of an agreement between the two of you. You knew it wasn’t safe to be alone right now, as much as you longed for the freedom. It had been 4 months since you moved in with Mav. He was like family to you- and when shit hit the fan you knew he was the right person to seek refuge in.

“Scrub those anymore and they might just disappear.”

You grinned and looked up from the shot glass. It was Bradley, a customer now turned… somewhat of a friend who was very easy on the eyes. He was wearing his usual outfit of perfectly fitting jeans and a Hawaiian shirt that complemented his sun kissed skin. You’d only seen him in his navy uniform once- he said he hated the attention it brought. You wanted to tell him he still got the attention of everyone in the room without it – but you figured he’d been flattered enough in his lifetime.

Bradley introduced himself 3 months ago on the night of your first shift. He had tried to ask you out a few times now, but you had so far successfully denied all his advances. It’s not that you weren’t attracted to him, because holy shit you definitely were. It was because you knew that if he really knew why you were here. He would want nothing to do with you.

“Another dad joke to start the evening with?” you teased him and set down the glass. You found it hard to know where to look at him since his black aviators covered his eyes. You settled on his lips- which was a big mistake. He noticed where you were staring by the looks of the tiny smirk appearing on his face.

“I was just stopping by to see how my favorite bar tender is doing.” Bradley’s voice was flirty as he leaned up against the bar and took a seat. You couldn’t help but keep grinning. He was a big flirt and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t enjoy the attention. As well as the company. Finding friends, the last four months was basically impossible.

“I’m doing just dandy Bradshaw.” You said whilst filling up a glass with his favorite beer. “Same as usual.”

Bradley scoffed.

“Not giving up much information. Same as usual” he mocked back at me. You rolled your eyes and slid the beer over the counter to him. Bradley had started to ask more questions the last few weeks. All questions that you really couldn’t answer.

“Why are you living with Mav?”

“What brought you to California”

“What did you do before bartending?”

“What’s your family like?”

“Okay fine, I am happy to report I went to the movies today.” You said confidently. Hoping that this bit of personal information would satisfy him. He looked at you through squinted eyes.

“You went to a movie today? Like before work?” He questioned. There was amusement behind his eyes. You crossed your arms.

“Yes, at the theatre on base. So what? There’s nothing wrong with a good movie before work.” Bradley let out a giggle and you shot him daggers with your eyes.

“Well, I would say most people go to the movies at night and on a weekend - definitely not at senior discount hour on a Tuesday” He grinned widely.

“Unbelievable – I finally tell you something about my day and you make fun of me for it.” You still hadn’t uncrossed your arms, but your lips were curving into a small smile.

“I think its adorable.” He says, taking a sip of his beer while beaming at you. You tried to hide your blush by looking down.

You gripped the edge of the counter when the flattery you felt turned into a deep, lulling fear in your chest. The man who was after you used to take you home and beat you if a man like Bradley complimented you at a bar.

You swallowed and tried to shake off the fear. You knew you were safe here. Maverick knew you were safe here too. The Hard Deck wasn’t a military base, but it might as well be. The place was always crawling with military men and women. No one would be able to hurt you here. Not without a fight anyway.

“You okay?”

You shook yourself out of the trance you were in when you heard Bradshaw’s voice.

“Fuck, yeah I’m sorry.” You said, rubbing your hand through your hair quickly. “Just zoned out” You said, trying to convince him you were alright.

“If the flirting is crossing the line…” He began to say but you cut him off.

“No!” You might have said that a little too quickly. “I mean. No, I like us flirting. I just- my head was somewhere else just then.” You reached over the counter and cupped your hand over his for a moment before taking it away. He looked shocked at the gesture. You honestly were surprised at yourself too.

It was the first time you’d ever touched him. He was so warm and rough- but somehow still so gentle. You were trying your god damn hardest to ignore the tingles in your hand.

A group of 6 or 7 people walked up to the bar and you thanked GOD that you somehow had an excuse to walk away from the awkward as shit conversation you were having. You flashed Bradley a smile before turning around quickly to attend to the rowdy group of customers.

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You burst into the small kitchen making a B-line for the fridge. You didn’t even bother to acknowledge Mav’s presence at the kitchen table. All you could think about was water. You filled up a glass of cold water before hastily bringing it to your lips.

You looked over your glass to see Maverick looking at you questionably.

“Try to run a mile again?” he asked.

“Two miles for your information” you retorted before filling up the empty glass once more. Your body was aching, and sweat was dripping from your forehead.

“Why do people run? Dear god its torture I swear.” You sat down at the table across from Maverick, finally feeling yourself calm down from an embarrassingly short run.

“Your therapist said it would be good for you right?”

A pang of shame popped into your chest. You nodded anyways.

“Something about helping with the anxiety.” You murmured, avoiding eye contact.

Mav was the closest thing you had to a father. Yours jumped ship as soon as you were born. But you always remember Mav being there. Between deployments and military orders, he would come by and take you and your mom out for ice cream- or to the movies. You were pretty sure your mom was in love with him at one point. But she still won’t admit that.

You missed her. But staying with her wasn’t an option. Not until this was all over. You were safest at a secured area.

“Have you heard from John?” you questioned hopefully.

John had been working with you and Maverick since you arrived in California. He was supposed to be the best private investigator around. You fucking hoped he was anyways, because neither you or Maverick could afford to pay him much longer.

“He texted me an update last night.” Mav sat back in his seat and ran his hands through his thick brown hair.

“He told me he’s still trying to recover the deleted pictures from your phone and home security cameras. He has tabs on Tim in Colorado. He is laying low there for God knows what.” Mavs jaw was clenched for a split second. You hardly ever saw him angry, but when Tim was brought up, he immediately soured – as did you. “Said once he recovers the files it will be enough evidence the Feds will have no choice but to move in on him.”

You nodded and bit the inside of your cheek. You had to involve the feds because Tim was a lead investigator at the police department in Virginia. You had tried to report him locally before- but somehow Tim would find out and nearly kill you. He had convinced everyone you were a “crazy” girlfriend. It was a hopeless situation. Until you finally ran.

“Still can’t believe an audio recording of him threatening to kill me isn’t enough.” You said sarcastically and stood up.

Mav shook his head and looked at you with sympathetic eyes. You had discussed this at length before. There was nothing either of you could do besides keep you safe and wait for John to gather evidence.

“You working at the bar tonight?” He asks. You nod.

“Yup. I better get in the shower. I’ve gotta be there by 3”

“Call me if you need me kid” He yells as you walk up the stairs of the tiny base housing.

“Always!” you shout back with a small smile on your face. You tried to ignore the aching in your chest from the conversation about Tim. Working at the Hard Deck tonight would be a good distraction from reality. Plus, you made more money there than you ever did as a Kindergarten teacher.

Your room at Mav’s place was small, but it was safe and that’s all you really cared about. You got ready for work, trying your hardest to convince yourself you weren’t wearing jeans that made your butt look good for any reason other than that they were comfortable. The tight red tank top that showed a lot more boob than you usually put on display- well that was definitely for Bradley Bradshaw. There was no denying that.

You knew you would never let him really know you- and you were pretty sure he knew that too. You were just a tease- someone he could never have. Someone nobody could have – at least not for a long time. Bradshaw was interested because he didn’t know you – once he found out you were running from a Psycho ex- he’d run like hell the other way.

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It was Saturday night so naturally; the bar was packed. Penny was working with you tonight, which helped relieve some of the anxiety you felt about the lines of people waiting for drinks. You had only been able to talk to Bradley for a few minutes before being swept away in craziness that was Saturday night at the Hard Deck.

“Hey sweetcheeks, can I get a beer?” You looked up to see Jake, or Hangman as he had so kindly informed you many, many, many times.

“Sure thing” You went to grab the 10$ bill in his hand but he snatched it out of your reach. You let out an annoyed huff.

“Give me a kiss first.” He taunted, leaning his cheek towards you as if you would actually kiss him. You would literally rather run a marathon. Which is saying A LOT. Even if it was just on the cheek.

You took advantage of his eyes being shut and ripped the 10$ bill out of his hand.

“Never in a million years” You glared at him. Jake groaned at his failed attempt in flirting. You wanted to punch him in the face more times than you could count. But his flirting was pretty much harmless, besides the constant mental undressing of you every time you were in his vicinity.

You looked over at Bradley who was glaring at Hangman from across the bar. He looked like he was about murder him. His hand was wrapped around his beer with a death grip. You sighed and decided going over to talk to Bradley was way more fun than getting Jakes beer in a timely manner. Bradley noticed you walking towards him – he sat up and his body visibly let go of the tension it was holding.

“Hey” you said stupidly. He let a small grin come onto his face. A much more refreshing look than the death glare he had seconds ago.

“Hey” he says back softly. You sigh and grab his glass before refilling it on the beer tap beside you. Bradley’s eyes poured into yours. They were so beautiful and warm. You scanned the rest of his face. It was a masterpiece really. And fuck, he looked so good in the plain white t-shirt he was wearing. You tried not to stare at his muscles- but you just couldn’t help yourself.

A loud shout and crash startled you out of your trance. Your body went ridged at the sound of glass shattering on the floor. You turned to see that the freshly washed glasses stacked on the corner of the bar had been knocked over by someone.

The shattering still rang through your ears loudly. Your heart rate started to pick up and you could hear your blood pumping in every single part of your body. Your head was pulsing – your heart was beating out of your chest. You tried to breath but instead you choked on air. You knew you were in the bar- but your brain thought you were back with him, trapped.

The pain was like no other pain you’d felt. Glass was all around you – you were covered in it. You looked down to see the clear shards turning a deep red. You could smell your own blood coming from all around you. You tried to get up from the glass but he was holding you there, letting you die –

“Y/N!” An arm shook your shoulder roughly. You looked up to see Penny with concern written all over her face. You started to breath faster. You looked past her to the glass on the floor, causing you to wince. Penny looked back at the glass and then back to you.

“What’s going on?” She asked gently, rubbing her hand up and down your arm. You backed away from her touch. You were somehow still standing, even with the panic rising in your chest. You looked to your right to see Bradley. Who looked like he was about to vault over the counter to get to you.

“Y/N…” he said with worry thick in his tone.

“I have to go.” You quickly said before dashing out of the bar towards the back door. You didn’t look back. You barely made it through the back door before vomiting in a bush to the left of the building. The anxiety was causing your stomach to wrench up all its contents. You couldn’t stop thinking about that night. The glass – the blood.

You sucked in air too quickly, time and time again despite your greatest efforts to calm your breathing. You slid down the cold wall of the building and tucked your knees to your chest.

You heard the back door open, causing you to flinch. Your eyes were so blurry from your tears you couldn’t make out who was there. You started to slide your body away from the figure.

“It’s Bradley.”

That made you stop. His voice was so gentle. So kind. You let out a loud sob between gasps for air. You could be embarrassed about it later.

“Stay away from me” You warn, as he walks towards you. He doesn’t listen and keeps walking. You wanted him to stay away – to go away. You didn’t want him to see you like this. He reached out his hand but you backed away harshly.

“Don’t touch me.” You said, shoving yourself against the wall in effort to escape him. He jerks back as if he had been burned by your words.

“Okay, I won’t touch you.” He said calmly.

He slid down the same wall you were against – but about 5 feet away. You breathed heavily.

“Please leave” you said, tears running down your face into your knees tucked under your chin.

This was so fucking embarrassing. You thought. You just wanted to disappear. How the hell were you supposed to come up with an excuse for freaking out over broken glass?

“I can’t leave you out here alone.” He says. You look up to see him staring at the night sky.

You shuddered at the thought of what could happen if you were alone. If he found you somehow. He would kill you.

Your thoughts got your body shaking again. Bradley noticed.

“What did you have for lunch today?” he asked. You popped your head from your knees to glance at him. He smiled softly when your eyes met him.

“Chicken nuggets” you replied, a shaky laugh left your lips. Bradley laughed loudly. “And you?” You ask weakly. You could already feel your breathing starting to slow with his silly distraction.

“Ramen noodles” he said with a sheepish look on his face. You laughed and then hiccupped immediately after. You lifted your head from your knees completely and let the back of your head lay against the cold wall. You were shaking from the fear, but it was slowly fading.

You sat in silence looking at the sky above you for at least 10 minutes before you felt the confidence to speak.

“Thank you” you say to Bradley, who was already looking over at you. His brown eyes sparkled in the moonlight.

“Anytime.” Is all he says, before looking back at the stars. You stared at him like he was art. Because he was, you couldn’t deny it.

“You have experience with panic attacks?” You ask. He perks up at your question.

“What makes you think that?” He avoided the question.

“You knew to distract me. And to give me space.” You say, inching closer to him by sliding on the concrete. He avoided eye contact with you but nodded.

“I get them sometimes. Not so much anymore though.” He swallowed hard and you could tell he was uncomfortable talking about it. You reached out and grabbed his hand gently.

You knew you would regret it later. But in this moment, you wanted nothing more than to intertwine your fingers with his to somehow comfort both you and him at the same time. His large fingers wrapped around your hand. His thumb rubbed circles slowly on your hand, making goosebumps fly up your arms.

“You’re running from something” Bradley says quietly. You stiffen immediately but he keeps rubbing circles around your hand.

“What makes you think that?” You croak. You felt tears well in your eyes, but you bit your lip hard enough to make it bleed in attempt to stop them.

“You won’t talk about why you’re here. Or why you’re living with Mav.” He explains gently. “You’re always looking over your shoulder like someone might be there”

You shut your eyes and take a deep breath. Fresh tears rolled down your face. Bradley kept rubbing slow and soft circles around your fingers. You hated that he elicited this kind of response from you. A feeling of trust and safety that had to be something you just imagined in your head.

You didn’t want to give away any information. The fact that you were sitting here alone, holding his hand was bad enough. To feel safe with a man like Bradley gave you goosebumps. It made you think of an array of dirty thoughts that you definitely shouldn’t be thinking about.

Everything in you wanted to break the rules you set for yourself and pour your heart out to him. But you stopped yourself before you could.

“I need to go home. Will you tell Penny that I had to leave early?” You stood up and shakily wiped the back of your pants off. You tried to ignore how cold your hand felt now that it wasn’t enveloped under his.

“I’ll drive you home.” Bradley said sternly. He stood up next to you, towering over you. Good god you never noticed how big he was compared to you.

“I can drive myself.” You insisted while trying your hardest to avoid looking him in the eyes.

“Please- just – just let me drive you home so I don’t worry about you.” He paused for a moment “and I think Mav would kill me if he found out I let you drive home after tonight.”

Well, he was right about that one. You could try to hide what happened tonight when you got home hours earlier than expected. But you knew Maverick would eventually hear something about what happened from Penny.

“Fine”

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His car was nice, new and clean. It smelt like him. You scowled when you realized even his god damn car brought you comfort.

You looked over at the masterpiece driving beside you. His golden tan skin drew your eyes in. His arms and hands flexed whilst he drove, and you swear to god he was doing that shit on purpose. The scars on the side of his neck and face showed through the passing headlights. You found them beautiful.

You had scars too- but they made you want to vomit. You hid them away under your clothes and long hair. You even avoided looking in the mirror before showering. It was too much to see what he had done to you.

You clenched your jaw at the thought of that night again. You hated that your brain couldn’t let the trauma go. No matter how hard you wanted to forget it.

Bradley noticed you tense up, because of course he did.

Fuck.

He broke the heavy silence, just as you expected.

“Tell me what you’re running from. I can help you.” He looked over at you, and then back at the road. He looked determined.

You shifted in your seat and tugged at the fabric on your pant leg nervously. That wasn’t what you expected him to say.

“I don’t want you to get involved.” And that was the honest truth.

“Are you running because you did something illegal?” He asked, full seriousness in his voice. You snorted out a laugh.

“No. I promise I��m not a fugitive or anything” you joked, but Bradley remained serious.

“Well, then I want to be involved. Whatever it is.”

You gulped and thought about his offer. You didn’t need help escaping from Tim. You were already in the safest place you could be. But he could help you in other ways. Comfort. Companionship. Laughter. Pleasure … you clenched your thighs together instinctively. It had been years since you felt any kind of pleasure from a man.

You knew crossing that line with him would be a mistake- But God, when you looked at Bradley- you wanted to break all the god damn rules.

“You can’t help me.” You said looking out the window into the night sky. “Plus, you don’t even know me. Helping me makes no sense.” Your heart panged with sadness. Him not knowing you was the only excuse you could think of to push him away.

“I want to know you.” He said softly.

“And don’t act like I don’t know anything about you.” He mused, taking a glance at you with playful eyes. “I know your favorite beer AND that you like going to see movies with old people on Tuesdays”

You laughed and couldn’t help but smile. You shook your head and stared at him.

“Fuck.” is all you said before letting your head hit the back of the seat.

“What was that?” He asked, eyebrows raised. You stayed silent thinking about whether you should break all the rules or be good and ignore Bradley Bradshaw for the rest of your life.

“I said Fuck.” You repeated, sitting up a little straighter and puffing out your chest to gain your composure. Bradley pulled up to Mavs house and parked his car in the driveway. It was dark out, and with the headlights off you could only see parts of the man sitting next to you.

“Fuck, what exactly?” He wriggled his eyebrows and you punched him in the arm.

“You’re an idiot.” You said, smiling. You swallowed and enjoyed the feeling of being with him. You wanted to cherish it.

You looked into his brown eyes and got lost. You LET yourself fully let go for a moment. You scanned him from his hair to his thighs. You listened to his slow breathing, and you swore it was quiet enough to hear his heartbeat.

“I’m not running from something. I’m running from someone” you blurted out. You watched Bradley take in your words. His face went from shocked, curious, worried and angry all within a few moments. He stayed silent.

“I can’t believe I just told you that.” You said blankly. Slumping in your seat. You had expected to feel relieved. But instead, you felt anxiety. Fear of having to tell him more – things that you weren’t ready to admit.

“You can’t keep everything to yourself” he nudged. You wanted to run from him. You wanted to slam the car door in his face and destroy the stupid feelings that were bubbling in your chest.

“Mav knows everything. He’s like a father to me. That’s why I came here -I knew I’d be safe. Guarded by the navy and all that.” You joked half-heartedly.

Bradley mustered up a small smile, but you could tell he had a million questions to ask. You appreciated his patience.

“The glass tonight….” You trailed off and shook your head. Your eyes fell to your lap. Were you really telling Bradley Bradshaw this? When you thought about it you didn’t even know him. You had tried your best to avoid that. He wasn’t supposed to really mean anything to you – and you were just supposed to be a tease to him.

But here you are, sitting with him alone in his car- pouring your fucking heart out.

“What’s your favorite color?” you ask, looking up at Bradley curiously. He raised an eyebrow.

“Blue. And yours?”

“Green.” You explain. “Forest green, like the redwoods up north.”

Bradley hummed in response. His hands were sitting in his lap and you couldn’t help but wish they were holding yours. But you were too much of a chicken to admit that.

“I’m sorry. I just realized I hardly know you.” You admitted, giving him a small smile. “Yet here I am, about to dump all my secrets to you.” You were joked, once again to try to ease the anxiety you felt.

“Sure you do. I mean you’ve talked to me almost every day for the last three months.”

You shrugged.

“Good point.”

You unbuckled your seatbelt and turned towards him, flipping your legs up to sit crisscrossed. You leaned your back against the car door and sighed.

“The glass.” You said shakily. “It uh- reminded me…”

Fuck this was hard to talk about. But isn’t this what your therapist had told you to do? Not bottle up the memories when they arise? Make friends?

“He pushed me through a sliding glass door. I landed backwards all over the glass.” You couldn’t muster up the courage to look at Bradley. “He thought I would tell the paramedics about the abuse. I had to beg him to call the ambulance.” You whispered softly.

“So, when I heard the glass tonight- it just brought me back.” You felt the scars on the back of your neck and body burn. You sucked in a breath and peaked a glance at Bradley.

He was tense. He looked like he was trying to contain his emotions by clenching his fists in his lap. His jaw was clamped shut. But you also noticed sadness in his eyes, a true sadness that you weren’t expecting.

“That was 6 months ago.” You twisted your lips together and debated if you should continue spilling your guts out to the man across from you. You decided you’d take the risk.

“I managed to run away from him while he was on a work trip. I went to my mom’s house a few states away, but it was only a few days before he showed up” You felt your voice grow weak. “I was at the store when he came to the house– he threatened to hurt my mom.” The pain you felt in your chest was palpable.

“I called Mav and told him I needed to hide. Until I had enough evidence for the feds to arrest him.” You looked at Bradley. “I called him on a payphone before I came here and told him to stay away from my family – because I was going to go somewhere he would never find me.” You pushed your hair behind your ears nervously. “The last thing he said was that when he found me, he would kill me.”

Bradley’s face hardened and you could see his neck was turning red with anger.

“He won’t find you.” His voice was strong and assuring. “You’ll be safe here.”

You gave him a small smile.

“Yeah, I know.” You said lightly.

Bradley gulped and hesitantly reached for your hand. You quickly met him halfway and allowed his hand to envelope yours. The intertwined hands rested on your lap.

“Thank you for telling me.” He said, rubbing those damn circles with his thumb on your hand again.

“And I swear to god that son of a bitch will not come near you again.” His voice was dark when he spoke. You gulped.

“Yeah. I really hope so.” You looked down at your hands and flinched at the thoughts that came into your mind.

“He would kill me if he knew I was holding your hand.” You said quietly. Bradley tensed.

“He’s not going to hurt you again.” He promised, giving your hand a squeeze. “I won’t let him.”

“I don’t want him to hurt you.” You emphasized. “If he saw you with me. Even- even as friends – he would- he could.” Bradley interrupted your spiraling thoughts.

“But he won’t. He won’t hurt me, and he won’t hurt you. Okay?” His eyes met yours and you could see how serious he was. Your heart ached.

This man, who you barley fucking knew was promising to keep you safe. Was swearing that nothing would happen to you again. It didn’t feel real. You knew that promising safety wasn’t a reality.

“You’re insane.” Is all you could think of to say back to him. He cracked a big grin- which was a relief to see over his I’m going to kill your ex- boyfriend look.

“Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been told that.” You smirked and took in a deep breath.

Before you could speak, he did.

“Let me take you out to dinner tomorrow.”

You laughed loudly and looked at him only to see that he was dead serious.

“Oh my god, you really are an idiot.”

Bradley laughed louder than you had.

“You know that’s the second time today you’ve called me an idiot. But somehow, I’m still infatuated with you.” He was full on smiling now, and you wished he didn’t look so fucking good.

“I just told you that my psycho ex is out to KILL me.” You reiterated. When he didn’t even flinch, you continued. “AND that if he even saw you with me, he would want to KILL you too!” You exclaimed, fear once again overtaking you. Bradley sat up and leaned into your space while looking deep into your eyes.

“Let me make this clear sweetheart. I’m not scared of that bastard.” He let go of your hand and reached up to your cheek instead. Your heart was thumping.

Oh god was he going to kiss you? Fuck. You didn’t think you were ready for that.

“And if you want to go to dinner with me then you should. Because I’m not going to let anything happen to you or me.” His eyes flickered to your lips- but only for a moment. You felt him tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear before retreating to his seat. You let out a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding in.

“I want to get dinner with you.” You said quietly. “But I’m still healing Bradley.” You said with shame dripping from your words. “Knowing that he’s out there looking for me scares the shit out of me.”

Bradley nodded his head in understanding.

“I won’t push you into anything you don’t want to do. Ever.” He said calmly. “I’ll go your pace. And if you decide that I’m an annoying nuisance then just tell me to get lost.”

You giggled at that and smiled at him.

“You’re really something Bradshaw.”

God he was handsome. His soft lips looked more kissable than ever. But you reframed from reaching for them.

“Take my number.” you said while pulling your phone out of your pocket. You swore you saw him sneak a glance at your chest while you did. It made you smirk.

He took your phone and typed in his number while you TRIED not to stare at how freakishly large his hands were. Not to mention how long his fingers were.

“I’ll text you when I get inside.” You said, tucking your phone away. “Since I know you were going to ask me to anyway.”

Bradley grinned.

“See! You do know me.” He said proudly.

You laughed and opened the car door. You stepped out and looked back at him.

“Thank you- for everything. For listening.” You said softly.

“Anytime.” He said just as soft as you had. “I’ll wait until I see you get inside to leave.” You nodded and went to shut the door but his voice stopped you.

“AND I’ll text you about those dinner plans tomorrow.”

You blushed and nodded before shutting the car door. You walked up to the house door and unlocked it – looking back to wave at Bradley before walking in and closing the door.

As soon as it shut you rubbed your hands over your face.

Holy shit. What have you gotten yourself into with Bradley Bradshaw?

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Part two coming soon if enough people are intersted <3 Comment below if you’d like to be part of tag list.

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imagineaworld · 4 years ago

Text

jealous | b.b

pairing : bucky barnes x reader, steve rogers x reader (platonic)

summary : bucky gets jealous of steve

word count : 1.5k

warnings : angst n fluff

Bucky watched from across the gym as Steve was training Y/N. He watched the way Steve put his hands on her body, guiding her movements. He watched the way they laughed together, each laugh felt like it was directed at him.

Not able to bear the sight of them together any longer, he abruptly got up and made a swift exit from the gym.

Bucky hated feeling this way. But he and Y/N were close, and perhaps his feelings had gone beyond just friendly. Clearly, though, Y/N and Steve liked each other. Bucky thought he was no competition for Captain America, as much as it pained him to see Y/N with Steve, at least she seemed happy.

After a shower and a change of clothes, Bucky was feeling better and headed to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. Y/N was sat at the island, munching on some toast as she scrolled through her phone.

“Hiya, Buck,” she beamed, happy to see him.

“Hey, doll,” he said back, glad to have some time alone with her.

He poured himself a cup of hot coffee, offering to pour Y/N one.

“Ooh, yes please.”

He poured her a cup, using her favourite mug with a photo of a boyband along the side. He slid the cup across the island to her before taking a seat next to her.

“Oh, the One Direction mug!” She laughed. “You’re the best, thank you.”

His heart fluttered as her soft laugh rang through him.

For a while, he had thought about telling her about his feelings. But he worried that she wouldn’t feel the same and that he would ruin their friendship by making things awkward. He was reminded of the main reason he wouldn’t tell Y/N about his feelings when Steve walked into the kitchen.

“Hey, Bucky, Y/N,” Steve greeted. “Great session today Y/N.”

“Yeah,” she smiled. “I’m getting better, no?”

Steve laughed. “You’re doing great.”

Bucky’s mood had changed. He shot glares at the back of Steve’s head as he poured a glass of orange juice. Please leave, don’t sit down, Bucky willed.

Y/N nudged Bucky with her arm. He stopped shooting daggers at Steve’s head, looking down at the phone screen Y/N had tilted towards him. On the screen was a picture of a cat, all black apart from its left arm, which was white.

“It’s you as a cat,” Y/N grinned.

Bucky couldn’t help but laugh, forgetting all about Steve’s presence across from them.

“Let’s see,” Steve piped up. Y/N held her phone up to show him. “It looks just like you, Buck,” he laughed.

Suddenly the cat wasn’t funny anymore. Bucky drained his coffee and got up. Dumping his mug in the sink, he stalked out of the kitchen. His and Y/N’s inside joke had been imposed on by Steve, again. He did it before when Y/N had tried to play Bucky a song by that boyband she likes, and Steve had come in and started talking over the song about how he knew the words.

Bucky just wanted to punch something (well, someone, but that would get him in trouble). He wasn’t entirely sure why he was so angry. Perhaps he was angry that Steve had interrupted them. Or maybe he was angry that Y/N was close with Steve. Deep down, he was angry at himself for thinking anyone would choose him over Steve.

Things only got worse. In an attempt to cast out his jealous feelings, he distanced himself from Y/N and Steve. The only problem was, the more he pushed Y/N away, the closer he pushed her to Steve.

"Hey, you," Y/N sauntered into the lounge one afternoon, where Bucky was sat reading. "Wanna go for a walk?"

The sun beamed down outside, hot and bright. Even the open windows Bucky sat beside couldn't cool him down. A walk sounded perfect, but he couldn't bear to be around her for that long.

Instead, he waved his book in the air, not even looking up at her. "Wanna finish this today, sorry."

"That's alright, I'll ask Steve then," Y/N said, seeming a little disappointed. "When you finish it, I can lend you one of my favourites, if you're interested."

"Maybe," Bucky said through gritted teeth. Of course, she would ask Steve. And of course, Bucky was interested in her favourite book, but he couldn't put himself through that.

He finally looked up to see Y/N heading off to find Steve, desperately wishing he'd said yes but too stubborn to change his mind.

That evening, Bucky avoided everyone at dinner, opting to stay in his room in peace. A knock on his door disturbed that peace, but he answered the door nonetheless.

"Hey, Buck," Steve said, hands in the pockets of his jeans. "Can we talk?"

Bucky shrugged, stepping aside to let Steve in, who sat down on the bed. Bucky sat beside him. "What's up?"

"That's what I was gonna ask you," Steve said. "You've been acting...different. And not just with me, Y/N mentioned you've been different to her too."

His attempts to distance himself truly had driven Y/N closer to Steve. If she was confiding in him, talking to him about her problems instead of Bucky... He really had dug his own grave.

"Didn't know you and Y/N were so close," Bucky said impassively.

"We're friends, Buck. And you're my best friend. She just wanted to know if she'd done anything to upset you."

Bucky shook his head. "Nope."

"What about me?" Steve asked.

"Not a thing."

Steve sighed, as though he could tell Bucky was lying. "Okay, buddy, I'll leave you be. Just... talk to Y/N, alright? She thinks you're upset with her."

Bucky took a deep breath as he knocked on Y/N's door.

Her eyes lit up when she answered the door to Bucky. "Hey," she smiled.

"I finished my book, and thought I'd take you up on your offer," he said.

Y/N raised her eyebrows. "You didn't seem keen earlier. It's fine, I won't be offended if you're not interested."

"I am," Bucky blurted. "Very interested."

"Come in," Y/N stepped aside, closing the door behind Bucky.

Her room was tidy, scattered with house plants and photos. On her little coffee table by her sofa, next to a pile of books that obviously couldn't fit on her full shelves, was a picture frame. Bucky picked it up, observing the photo of him and Y/N, smiling at the camera on the beach. It had been taken a few months ago when everyone went on a day trip.

"I didn't know you had this," Bucky said, smiling to himself as Y/N searched her bookshelves for the novel.

"Oh," she said. "Yeah, I really like that picture. Never seen you so happy."

It was true that Bucky had never been as happy and carefree as he was that day at the beach. He and Y/N had played frisbee and built sandcastles. Y/N had even convinced him to go in the sea, though he only went to his waist. Y/N however had gone all the way, swimming under waves and splashing Bucky when he wouldn't go any further.

Bucky put the picture down as Y/N handed him a book he had heard of before, but never read.

"It's one of my favourites, plus it's not too long so," Y/N said. "I'm sorry if I upset you, by the way."

Bucky shook his head. "You didn't, I've just... not been doing well lately."

"I get it, I just wanted to apologise in case. I'm always here for you, you know? If you wanna talk."

Hearing Y/N say that made Bucky feel exhilarated. It also made him realise, no matter how hard to tries to repress his feelings for her, they wouldn't go away.

"Thank you," Bucky said softly. "I'm here for you too."

Y/N looked deep in thought for a moment, as if debating saying something. "These past few weeks made me realise how much I enjoy spending time with you. And thinking I had upset you made me feel... horrible. You really mean a lot to me."

Without thinking too much, Bucky pulled Y/N into his arms, wrapping them around her body. She wrapped hers around his neck, pushing up onto her toes so she could reach. The scent of her shampoo filled his nose as he took a deep breath.

"It's my fault," Bucky said, still hugging Y/N. "I pushed you away because I'm jealous and I don't think I'm good enough."

"Good enough for what?" She asked gently.

"You."

Y/N pulled away, holding Bucky's shoulders as his hands rested on her waist. "Are you kidding?" She demanded. "Don't ever say that. Why would you even think that?"

"I'm not Steve," Bucky said, eyes cast downward, unable to look her in the eye.

"You're jealous of Steve? I don't want Steve," she said. "I want you, Bucky. Just the way you are. All the good and all the bad. That's what it means to love someone: knowing they aren't perfect, but loving them anyway."

"You want me?" He asked, bewildered.

Y/N nodded. She pushed up on her toes again, this time to connect their lips. She kissed softly and gently, and Bucky couldn't help but smile as she pulled away.

"Now, go read my book," Y/N laughed.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #bucky imagine #bucky barnes au #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #the winter soldier #the winter solider imagine #the winter solider x reader #Steve Rogers #steve rogers imagine

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likeitloveitblogit · 3 years ago

Text

Just Hold Me

I had a dream that got stuck in my brain, so I decided to turn it into a Loki x fem!reader fanfic. Here it is. Please be gentle this is the first but of my writing I've shared.

Pairing: Loki x fem!reader

Summary: After a rough battle fighting with the Avengers you skip the party to recover in your room at the Avengers tower. There you're visited by a drunk Thor and a comforting Loki.

Word Count: 2.5k

Warning: non consensual kissing, mention of assault, pain, mention of death, they all need therapy

What to expect: Me turning a dream into a Loki fluff therapy session.

From your room in the Avengers tower you could still hear the sounds of the party. Another victory for the team meant another raging party to celebrate. You loved a good party, but you had taken a few too many hits during the mission and had chosen to head back to your room.

A knock sounded at your door, "Y/N, are you there?" You heard the gruff voice of Thor.

The god of thunder and his brother Loki had become members of the team after defeating the Dark Elves in London. There had been a drunken night when Loki confessed to you he had considered faking his own death and stealing the throne of Asgard. But Loki had chosen to help fight, winning the battle and the approval of the Avengers. Not everyone had accepted them completely, but you understand that people were capable of change and had become friends with the pair.

"Y/N?!?" Thor called again, pounding a little harder on the door.

You rise from your bed and walk to the door, opening it you find a very clearly drunk Thor. It took a great deal of drinking to get the god drunk. You chuckle thinking about how much he must have consumed, but then notice that his eyes are full of tears.

"Thor, what's wrong?"

"Can I come in?"

Normally you didn't let anyone into your room. You were a fairly open person, happy to share, but your room was your safe place to get away and recharge. Standing there, leaning slightly against your door frame Thor looked completely broken, so you open the door and gesture for him to enter. Leaving the door open you follow Thor into the room.

You weren't sure how to handle having a guest in your room. But Thor walked over and sat on your bed, like he owned the place. "I'm sorry to bother you, I just, I was at that party and everything was good. You know we had that Asgardian wine brought in, so much better than anything here on Midgard. But then I saw a woman in the crowd that looked just like her. And I thought, I don't know, I thought maybe she had only faked it, maybe she'd just been lost and now she'd come to find me. I ran over to her, but the woman was just some stranger."

From your spot learning against the wall you asked, "Who do you mean? Jane?"

"Ha, I've lost her too. I seem to lose everyone I care about. But no. I thought I saw my mother"

That broke your heart. That same drunken night when Loki had confessed thinking of faking his own death, you two had also talked about Frigga's death. Unsure how to comfort the god then you had sat with Loki, holding his hand while he cried. Loki had been so close with Frigga, a part of Loki had changed when the guard had delivered the news of her death. Being in prison unable to even attend the funeral had stirred a desire to be a better person in Loki.

Even though you had seen Loki's grief, somehow Thor had seemed stronger, less affected, but Frigga was his mother, too. The loss of a parent is a terrible thing to deal with no matter how strong of a person you might appear to be. And clearly alcohol made the Asgardians emotional wrecks, because here now was the god of thunder sitting on your bed, body racking with sobs.

You sat down next to Thor, reaching to take his hand. Instead Thor pulled you into a crushing hug. Your first instinct was to pull away from the pain, you had really taken a beating in that fight. But Thor was your friend and he was hurting inside, so you relaxed. Rubbing circles on his back, you whispered "it's ok, you're ok" while you let him cry on your shoulder. The two of you sat like that for a long while before Thor released his hold on you.

You were about to ask Thor if he was feeling better, when he looked down at you and leaned in to kiss you. A million thoughts ran through your brain all at once. Fear struck you the strongest, and you scrambled away, backing up until your back was against the headboard. "What are you doing?"

"Um, kissing you," Thor said as he crawled toward you, hovering over you he leaned to try and kiss you.

"Well, stop it" you put your arms in front of your face trying to push him away. "Stop it, stop it, stop it"

Thor's strong arms easily push your own hands out of the way. But just as Thor leaned in towards you, he was ripped from on top of you.

Frightened, you look up to see Loki shoving Thor away, placing himself between you and Thor. "The lady told you to stop. What has gotten into you brother?"

"You don't know anything stupid brother, just leave us alone" Thor lunges for Loki, but Thor is still far too intoxicated to stand a chance in a fight. Loki easily pushes back and Thor nearly crashes into the wall.

Before Thor can lunge again Loki summons a pair of daggers and points then at Thor. "Brother you're drunk. You need to calm down. I don't want to hurt you, but if you try to hurt Y/N, I'll have no choice."

"Brother you wouldn't dare."

Loki points the daggers more directly at Thor "I don't know what is happening here but you know that I will do anything to defend a lady's honor."

"Oh, so you're just such a hero now? A perfect little prince charming? You're not defending anything. You're just jealous because Y/N invited me into her room and not you."

You stand up, careful to stay behind Loki. "Thor, nothing was going to happen between us. You came to me, crying and I offered you a hand to hold because I knew you missed your mother. You hugged me and I let you because you are my friend. But that's it. You are my friend and I don't want any more than that. You should thank Loki for keeping you from doing something you'd have regretted."

"You think I'd regret kissing you?"

"No, I think you'd regret kissing someone who didn't want to be kissed. You'd regret taking advantage of someone you cared about."

"I, I thought you'd want to kiss me"

"You buffoon, not everyone wants to have their face crushed in by your giant head."

"Hush Loki," you walk toward Thor, Loki tries to pull you back behind him but you touch his arm gently, and step forward. "Thor you know I do care about you, but I don't feel that way about you. Look, I know you have had a lot to drink tonight. And you have a lot of emotions running through you. I mean you thought you saw your mother, that has to be really hard to deal with. But you made a mistake."

"I thought, I just. Uh, I'm sorry"

"I know. Right now I think it is best if you go back to your room, get some sleep, and we can talk more in the morning, once you're sober."

"But,"

"You heard her brother. She is giving you a very generous offer. If you don't accept and leave now, I will make you. And I won't be nice about it."

With a final look at you, Thor leaves your room.

Once Loki is sure that Thor is gone, he sets his daggers down and turns to you. You register that he chose to set them down rather than magic then away, but chart it away as a question for later.

Approaching you, hands raised like you are an animal he is afraid to spook Loki asks, "Y/N, are you ok?"

"Yes, yes. I'm fine." Which is a lie, you're anything but ok. Unsteady on your feet, you nearly collapse.

Loki reaches to catch you and leads you to sit on the bed, "oh Y/N, what did he do to you? I'll kill him if he has hurt you."

"Thank you, but I'm actually just a little worse off than I thought from that fight today. All this has just made me extra aware of how tired I am."

"I'll go get Banner or Strange, or one of the others."

"No," you reach and grab onto his arm.

He looks down at the way your hands tremble as they hold onto his arm. "But, Y/N, you are unwell."

"I'm not sick. I'm not injured, well not more than normal after a fight. I'm just tired. Honest."

"Well then I'll leave you to rest"

But you only hold more tightly, "please don't"

"Don't what?" His breath catches as he looks down into your eyes.

"Please don't leave me. I don't, I don't want to be alone right now."

"Ok, I'll stay." Loki sits next to you, shifting his arm to take your hand. You rest your head on his shoulder and look at the interlocking of your fingers with his.

"Thank you."

"Thor is a buffoon, but I don't think he meant to harm you. He's not used to anyone not wanting him. Not that what he did was ok. I'm not trying to say it was ok."

"Loki, I know. I understand that he was hurting. And I guess I'm a beacon of comfort and he mistook that for romantic attraction. Honestly I think he would have stopped once he realized what he was doing. But I'm still so glad you were there."

Despite Loki's comforting hold, and the circles he was tracing with his long thumb, your hands still shook. "Y/N is there something more bothering you?"

Tears pricked the corners of your eyes. "When I saw your brother crawling towards me, I got so scared. I didn't see Thor, my friend. I saw that crazy guy from the factory today."

You could feel the moment the switch clicked and rage burned in Loki, "Wait did something happen? I don't remember a guy. Did this guy…, did he …, do something to you? I will end him."

"Oh Loki, my sweet murderous Loki. You actually already did."

"What?"

"You probably don't even remember, it was the heat of the battle. I'd gone in to clear the next room when I got knocked down and bumped my head. When I woke up, one of the baddies was dragging me by my ankle into the office, muttering about a sweet reward. How much fun he was going to have with me. He was reaching for me when you stormed in. I don't think you even saw me behind the desk, but you grabbed the guy before he could touch me. I didn't see what you did to him, but I heard it and it sounded very bloody."

"Oh gods, Y/N, I had no idea you were there in the back office. That guy looked deranged, even if we hadn't all been given orders to kill on sight I would have killed that man. If I'd known you were there I'd have made sure you were ok."

"I hid under the desk until you'd left and then I ran straight back to the jet. I felt so bad for not helping more with the fight, but…"

"Y/N, no one would ever blame you for running. That's not something anyone should have to face. Oh gods, and then my stupid brother had to come in and loom over you."

"He didn't know."

"No but that doesn't mean it wasn't terrifying, just the same."

You can't find the right words, and simply give a small nod. After a second of silence the question pops back into your brain. "Why did you leave your daggers on my nightstand? Why didn't you magic then away like you normally do?"

"Oh, uh, I was going to offer to let you borrow them. Just in case Thor tried to come back and visit."

"That's really sweet, but I've never been good with knives. I don't know if I'd even know what to do with them."

"Hmm well is there anything I can do to make you feel safer?"

There was a moment when you thought about saying, no. Telling Loki you'd be safe with his daggers, and sending him back to his room. But you couldn't do it. You could not send Loki away. Not when he felt like the only safe thing in the world. A breath of air after you'd been drowning all night. So you asked what you really wanted, not caring that it made you feel vulnerable.

"Can you hold me?"

"Are you sure you want that?"

"Yes I'm sure. I mean if you don't want to, I won't make you."

Loki gingerly wraps his arms around you, until you squeeze him half to death and he returns with a proper hug. Still holding you he says "I just didn't know if you'd want to be touched after… today and then my brother"

"You are not a brutish villain and you are not your brother. Do not take this as anything but a compliment, but right now the fact that you're not a big oversized muscle man is really comforting. And well neither men got the chance to do anything because of you."

"Y/N, I am so sorry you had to go through all of this. But I'm really happy that you find me comforting. I have done some terrible things that I deeply regret. And I've been afraid for so long that I'd never be able to find someone who felt safe around me."

"Everyone in this tower has done things that they can't take back. Things they regret. Including myself." You breathe in the scent of Loki, winter frost mixed with leather and metal, wondering when that scent had become so comforting to you. "But for right now, your arms feel like home and I don't want to ever leave."

"I will be here to hold you as long as you need."

"I'm going to take you up on that offer, because I might have a concussion, so you're going to have to watch me to make sure I don't die while I sleep."

"Humans are far too fragile."

"That we are. But that's an issue to deal with another day. Right now I just need you to hold me." You whisper as you lie yourself down, pulling Loki down with you. Carefully he wraps his arms around you pulling your little spoon body against his own big spoon body. Listening intently to your breathing as you drift asleep, Loki decides that he never wants to stop holding you.

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dirty-brainrot · 3 years ago

Text

(Boingo’s magical book)

Smelly cowboy and French tiddy man time.

Pairing(s) Hol Horse x Reader x Polnareff

You couldn't believe that man. First, he pestered you to no end just to team up with him and defeat some traveling men. After finally getting annoyed enough, you agreed. But this damned bastard says that there wasn't enough power so he decides to kidnap a fucking kid.

You met Hol Horse a while back in your home country where he tried to woo you. Unbeknownst to him, you were also a stand user. So you fought him because he kept on annoying you and successfully defeating him. Who knew you would be friends with him after that.

With a deep sigh, you facepalmed and massaged your temples. "Hol Horse... You fucking kidnapped a child." You whispered with a hiss and pointed at the kid, who laid down in a crawling position and hid behind a small bush. "Don't be like that, doll. With the 3 of us, we can defeat the crusaders and get the rich!" Shaking your head, you kneeled in front of the child stand user. "Hey, your name is Mondatta right?" You asked with a soft tone, unlike what you used to Hol Horse earlier. He stayed quiet and stared at you. "It's useless talking to that ki—" Doing a 180, you glared at Hol Horse making him shut up. Turning back to Mondatta, your face softened. "Hey, I know it's scary being separated from your brother and getting kidnapped by a wannabe cowboy... but you can trust us! I won't let anyone harm you." You gave him a friendly smile and he relaxed... A little bit.

Standing up to your full height, you turned to Hol Horse and grabbed the book. "Does your stand really predicts the future?" You flipped through the pages until you were met with a blank one. "—Or is it just a rumor? If it is then I brought you ere' for nothin'." Hol horse adds on and looks over your shoulder to look at [Tohth]. "Even with it, your brother got blown to high heaven..." He looks at Mondatta and shouts. "Which is it, kid?!" You huff and elbowed his side, muttering "Be nicer to the kid. For god's sake, you kidnapped him—" The empty pages suddenly were getting filled with images out of nowhere! You outstretched your arms and showed it to Hol Horse. "Hm?" He leaned over and read the pages.

Hol Horse introduced Mondatta to Y/N! He thinks that Y/N is really nice and better than Hol Horse.—

Hol Horse grumbles and you snicker.

While the three of them were walking around the outskirts of Cairo, they met a very pretty lady. Then Hol Horse suddenly jump-kicked the lady in the neck! The pretty lady was so happy, she gave Hol Horse her jewels.

Yahoo!! We're rich!!

"What the hell is this?!—" He shouts, taken aback. "A comic book."You replied sarcastically. He ignores your comment and snatches the book off of you. Approaching Mondatta he yells. "You call this a prediction?! There's no way this has to be true!" Mondatta rises up, still hiding behind the bush. "I—I'm telling the truth..." Stuttering and struggling to talk, he continues. "Y-you just—just have to t-trust it... They—they're never wrong! They're...They're right..100% ri-right everytim—"

"Quit messing with me kid! There's no way a lady is gonna—" Hol Horse continues to talk. But you were distracted by the pretty woman walking along with a man, they passed by. 'It looks like it's coming along...' Hol Horse grabs Mondatta and you shot daggers at him, making him put the kid down. Mondatta ran behind your leg. "I'll never hit a woman! See that?!" The man and woman pass by him and he was too far to be able to kick her. (Unless he ran after her.) After a while, he made a weird impatient humming noise and went after the woman. Jump-kicking her like as the book said but apparently, there was a scorpion in her shawl! You clapped and shouted. "Nice going Mr. I respect women!" The woman thanked him and gave him her necklace. You and Mondatta walked after him but once you arrived, he was in the middle of talking.

"—he three of us will be unstoppable!" And there he goes. Excited, he dragged you and Mondatta to Cairo.

★

Hol Horse hid behind a building while Mondatta hid under a crate beside you. "I'm getting sick of those faces... Listen Mondatta!" As he was about to kick the box, he decided against it knowing that you would beat him up if he did. He throws the box away instead, revealing the very introverted child. Mondatta crawls to the box and hid in it. You sigh and kneeled in front of the crate, comforting the kid. "We need to talk about your new prediction... Are you sure it's 100% foolproof?" You rose the box a tad bit to look at Mondatta. "M-my premi—" Hol Horse flicks a small rock at him, in return, you smacked his leg which did not affect him at all "My premonition are 100% accurate" He mocks. "Is that what were you gonna say?"

"Wow! Hol Horse you should be the book of premonition instead!" Hol Horse rolls his eyes. "W-well they are accurate...yes." You slowly let go of the box and stood up to look at the book. "Are you expecting us to believe this load of Bologna?" He re-reads the comic.

"We found them!" Shouted Hol Horse. "Joseph, Jotaro, Polnareff, and Avdol."

"Darn it!" Hol Horse fumed. "They're almost to Master Dio's manor!"

You snicker. "Do you really call him "master"?" He grumbles "We don't have a choice." and continues reading.

"Gosh-darn bafoons. They'll get a bullet between the eyes!" Hol Horse's mind was full of bad thoughts. "You're gonna pay for what you did to my brother!" Mondatta was very furious. But, Hol Horse and Y/N, couldn't use their stands which puts them at a disadvantage.

Because of this, they got caught but Y/N comes up with the greatest plan to make their great escape which includes something intimate!

"It just cuts off from there! Like hell what's this great plan Y/N comes up with?!" He drops the book and impatiently summons his stand. "Why can't I just shoot them with [Emperor]? It'll be much faster that way."

"Geez, it'll come just believe in the stand, Horsey." Now you don't really believe in the stand and the way it added intimate in the sentence was ominous but you have nothing to lose besides half of the money Hol Horse offered you in defeating the crusaders. Mondatta lifts up the box to take a peek. "It's premonition...! Y-you're not gonna-gonna be able to shoot... yes. " He grabs the book and slowly puts down the box. "I-I know from pe-personal experience that if-if you try to go a-against the comic you'll get consequences..! It's fate... Yes." He stutters, repeating "yes" in a couple of sentences. You lean on the wall and watch them talk about the consequences of the book. "Hang on! Your brother nearly died because he followed the comic!" He points at Mondatta. And Mondatta continues to explain the reason behind it.

They look both nervous and distressed about the situation but you were just looking forward to that great idea that the book says. "Then what now..." He grunts and looks at the crusaders. From where you stood, you weren't able to see them but you could see Polnareff approach him— oh— oh no.. This is not good. Mondatta quickly hides under the crate again.

Polnareff comes from behind and places his stand's èpèe¹ on his neck. "Don't move!" He moves it closer to Hol Horse's neck. "Unless you wanna be lanced." Hol Horse bit his cigarette in anxiety and let out a surprised grunt. "Ho—how the hell did you—" His fingers twitched as he tried to summon his stand but Polnareff was quick to notice and struck him from the back with his stand. Hol horse cough out blood as his cigarette fell.

You need to help him quickly.

Then finally it came, the idea, as it said in the premonition. It was absurd but it'll get the job done..... you hope it was right... Sprinting to Polnareff, you pushed him to the wall. Although, it wasn't hard enough to knock the air out of his body but enough to withdraw his stand. With hands still on his chest and standing on your tippy-toes, you kissed him. At first he was shocked but he closes his eyes and kisses back after a while, getting into the kiss. You side glanced at the stunned Hol Horse and smacked him upright in the head with the help of your stand.

Understanding what you meant, he grabbed Mondetta and ran away. You broke the kiss and ran after them. Although you struggled to catch up since the kiss took so long, making you ran out of breath.

The French man stares in the direction you ran, in absolute lovestruck. Ignoring the calls of his friends, he sighs lovingly. "Oh mon Dieu..." He hopes he gets to see you again.

★

"Y/N, What was that?!" You leaned on the wall, catching your breath. It looks like [Tohth] worked its charm. "I- hah- was saving your hah- hide just like the book said." Hol Horse didn't look tired from the running at all. 'He must be used to it.' He grumbles and puts Mondetta down. "And I can't even get a hug from you..." He huffs and grabs a cigarette. Mondetta shuffles away but you stopped him. "What does the comic says next?"

"Oh uhm..." He opens the book and you kneel beside him. Hol Horse loomed behind the two of you looking at the book and totally not at you.

The trio ran away, trying to think of another plan. "Curse that Frenchie!" Hol Horse furiously crosses his arm. He was very jealous that Polnareff got a kiss from Y/N instead of him!

Hol Horse crosses his arm and looks away. You snicker. "Really Horsey? You got jealous of that?!" You burst out laughing and held your stomach. He groans and grabs the book. "Ha- He was- pfft- a really good kisser too." You teased him while he flips the pages of the book, face flushed.

"What's the next premonition?!"

☆☆☆

1. Apparently, Èpèe is the sword that [Silver Chariot] uses.

#jojo #jjba #jojoba #jojo no kimyō na bōken #jojo bizarre adventure #jojo's bizarre adventure stardust crusaders #stardust crusaders #jjba part 3 #jean pierre polnareff #jp polnareff #Hol horse #jjba boingo #x reader #jjba x reader #polnareff x reader #hol horse x reader

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6rookie-writer0110 · 3 years ago

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Heaven is not waiting for me anymore

Clark Kent x Male!Reader Kent

Request - where y/n is the son of Clark and Lois from the injustice universe. He has kryptonite in his system where he is unable to use his powers because clark (injustice) made an example of him so he can show fear. After that he has been cold to others and distance with people including Barbara who he has feelings for but so much has happened. So he has to relay on martial art from training. with bruce, he also has a bat suit. He also have a deep hatred for his father (injustice superman).

Earth 2- Injustice Universe

You lost your mother Lois because of the Joker. Your father Clark snapped, he became a different person. Now he is starting to kill criminals and doesn't care about anyone or you. He doesn't stand for hope anymore now he stands for destruction. You feel that you lost both of your parents, you don't wear the symbol of hope anymore.

You made a plan to stop your father. You didn't think fully out the plan, but you have kryptonite inside a gun. You are half Kryptonian and kryptonite is still your weakness.

You have been tracking your father, he is about to kill a criminal robbing a bank. But you stepped in and punched him in the face. Everyone saw what you did, they take out their phones and start to record. Now you and Clark start to fight each other.

“You are destroying everything! You are no god!!” You yelled.

“I am a God. Everyone bows down to me and you would bow down to me” Clark said.

You take out the gun, you pulled the trigger. But he used speed to grab the gun and there is one bullet left. Now he will make sure everyone will watch what he will do next. He has his hand around your throat, you are struggling to breathe and tears go down your face.

“Anyone who tries to disobey me or think they can kill me, this will happen!” Clark yelled.

He aimed the gun on your chest and pulled the trigger. Everyone is in shock at what happened, he throws you to the ground. You are in pain and you try to use your powers but can't. Barbara arrived at the scene, she used Batarang to distract him. He left and Barbara picked you up and takes you to the bat cave.

---

A week later...

You have been in a coma for a week, Barbara and Bruce have been taking care of you. You wake up and you see Barbara looking at a computer screen.

“What happened?” You asked.

She turns around and walked towards you.

“You have been in a coma for a week. The kryptonite was close to your heart. You lost a lot of blood and it was too much kryptonite in your system” Barbara said.

You touch your chest and you see the scar. You sighed and she gives you a cup of water.

“Thank you, Barbara. But I have to go” You said.

“Your father thinks you are dead. Don't do anything stupid, you almost died and if it happens again he would kill you” Barbara said.

“He needs to be stopped,” You said.

“I know. But he is stronger than you, you are thinking reckless” Barbara said.

You take out the iv from your arms and take off the hospital gown. She gave you a hoodie and sweat pants.

“Where are you going?” Barbara asked.

“Dont worry about me,” You said.

She watched you walk away and she called Bruce and told him what happened. You went to a rundown motel and you want to be alone. Your father thinks you're dead and he is still killing criminals, no one can stop him.

Days went by, you didn't leave the motel room for anything. Barbara didn't check up on you, she wanted to give you space. And she has been busy with Bruce designing a suit.

You are in bed watching tv, you hear a knock on the door but you don't get up. She starts to knock louder, but you don't move.

“Y/n! Open the door now” Barbara yelled.

You sighed heavily then got out of bed and opened the door.

“What!?” You yelled.

“Are you done with the pity party!?” Barbara asked.

“How did you find me?” You asked.

She walks in and you closed the door. The motel room is a dump.

“Wasn't hard. I put a tracker on the hoodie you left with. I know you still want to stop your dad, so come with me” Barbara said.

“Why should I? Plus he still thinks I'm dead” You said.

“To train. You are still weak if you went to fight him now well he will break like a stick” Barbara said.

“Fine,” You said.

You leave with Barbara, she took you to Bruce’s mansion. You and Barbara have feelings for each other, you told her, and you were going to ask her out but tragically struck. Her feelings for you haven't changed but she wants to be there for you. She wants you to open up to her but you won't.

“Y/n, how are you,” Bruce said.

“Why do you want me here?” You asked.

“To help you train and stop your father,” Bruce said.

“Okay,” You said.

---

Bruce and Barbara started to train with you in Martial arts. Today you are fighting against Bruce, Barbara, and the League of Assassins. Some are friends with Bruce and they agreed to train you. They are pushing your limits, they don't let you rest. Any mistake you make will let you know and make you train harder.

During the night, Bruce is training you with weapons. Barbara shows you how to use the weapons, you did struggle to fight with weapons. Bruce and the league of assassins easily knocked the weapons out of your hands.

After training Barbara would want to spend time with you, but you would lock yourself in the bedroom. She gives you space and she goes back to the bat cave.

“Here is your dinner, master y/n,” Alfred said.

“Thank you. You don't have to call me ‘master’, Alfred” You said.

“Master, y/n you shouldn't hide from the world. Yes, you are going through a tough time but that doesn't mean you can't be happy in the end. You should let yourself grieve for your mother, she was a wonderful woman and she was strong” Alfred said.

“I wish everything didn't change,” You said.

“We all feel the same way. But now you have a chance to create the life you want a new one. what would your mother say right now?” Alfred said.

What made you think what he said, he walks out of the room. You start to eat the food and keep thinking about what he said.

✯ ✬ ✫ ✬

A few weeks later...

Bruce and Barbara have been designing a suit for you. They finished with the suit and they watched you test out the suit. Last few weeks, you were training from dawn until the next day. You mastered fighting with weapons and learned new combat moves. You are still distant from Barbara, two days ago you got into a huge argument with her.

You are still in love with her but you want to protect her from your father. You don't want to see Barbara get hurt.

“What do you think of the suit?” Barbara asked.

You take off the helmet.

“I like it and I can move in it,” You said.

“You are okay with the symbol?” Bruce asked.

“I like it,” You said.

The suit is all black, the Batman symbol is red, the eyes are red, the gloves have sharp claws, and the suit protects you from kryptonite. Barbara and Bruce start to suit and you put the helmet back on.

---

You three found Bruce in the city, you stopped him from killing someone.

“Son, you came back from the dead” Clark said.

“This ends today,” You said.

“I see you are wearing a new symbol -”

“You ruined the legacy of being a Kryptonian!” You yelled.

He used heat vision to attack you but you dodged it. Now Clark is fighting you while Barbara and Bruce are trying to get the citizens away from the fight. Clark punched you and you hit the ground, he used speed to grab you by the neck.

“This time I will make sure you are dead,” Clark said.

“You are not the same father that I used to have. He is dead to me!” You yelled.

You took out, you tased him, and he lets you go. You and Clark used heat vision at the same time, you used more strength to not fall. You throw Batarang at him and it started to explode.

He fell then you start to punch him in the face over and over. All the anger you have for him starts to come out. You take out the kryptonite dagger and you try to stab but he has his wrapped around your hands.

“Y/n! Y/n don't kill him” Barbara yelled.

“He deserves to die!” You yelled.

“That is an easy escape for him! You are much better than him, don't become like him” Barbara said.

Something clicked in your mind.

“I want you to suffer until the day you die. I lost my mom and my father” You said.

You moved away from him and he starts to stand up. Bruce played a video of Lois on the big screen and starts to watch, you your father cry.

The moment where Clark held Lois before she died.

“I can't lose you” Clark cried.

“I will always love you, Clark. I will always remember you and y/n, please be there for each other. He is going need to you. Tell him, I love him...”

You start to cry and it would be the last time you hear her voice.

“Son, I am sorry for the chaos I caused,” Clark said.

“I don't believe you and I will never will. You killed my friend Shazam and many others. You are lucky I didn't kill you because of Barbara. This is the last time you will see me” You said.

You take out the Phantom Zone projector and you sent him to the Phantom Zone.

✯ ✬ ✫ ✬

Time Skip...

You and Barbara became an official couple. She makes you happy and you carrying boxes into her apartment. You are going to live with her and she is very happy about that.

You and Barbara sat on the couch and she gave you a peck on the lips.

“So happy that was the last box,” Barbara said.

“Now we have to unbox everything,” You said.

“How about we go get something to eat and we do it later?” Barbara said.

You kissed her on the lips.

“Sounds good to me,” You said.

Later, you and Barbara spend half of the night unboxing everything. You did use speed to do it faster which Barbara is happy about. You and Barbara would save the city together but you don't kill criminals who rob a store. You would kill if it's a life and death situation only.

#x male reader #male!reader #dc imagine #superman imagine #superman x son #x son #Clark Kent x son #clark kent x male!reader #clark kent x reader

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cadrenebula · 2 years ago

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Alexois Dubeltaire

So in reblogging all that old writing from the earlier days of Alex... He’s really come a long way. So forgive me for rambling about my boy. He was created back at the very end of 2016. (Like days after Christmas.)

Alex started out as throw away villain, meant to die at the end of the plot for Destiney. Meant to kidnap her and likely die dealing with those coming to rescue her. And he nearly did. More than once he had a brush with death in the course of that plot and barely managed to escape each time. He wasn’t going to go down easy.

But when the dust settled and I was struggling to finish the plot’s end because some bad things happened... (Not going to get into that mess here though. It’s over and done and I’m not in the mood to dwell on it.) Alex found his place among my characters in a more permanent fashion while I tried to find a path for Destiney and Lancefer.

He fell in love with a girl just as broken and monstrous as he felt he was. Only problem is their relationship was started on a lie and wasn’t supposed to be that deep. But he fell hard for Aeri and by the time he was willing to admit that... She was already in love with another. She was the one that saved him when Soren nearly killed him. Taught him to fight with daggers instead of a spear. Started him on a path that would be good for him in the long run. She became a sister to him since he couldn’t love her like he wanted and he was okay with this in time. (She wouldn’t have been good for him anyways. She appealed to the darker sides of Alex.)

Over time Aeri helped saved him in more ways than one. It started a process where he actually wanted a chance to be happy. Got him through the plot with his mentor and all that entailed. And he dated someone else for a bit around the time he started going to the Gin Mill to work on his frustrations. Unfortunately it was not meant to be for him to stay with her for many reasons. (Yet another one I won’t get into. Things happened.) The best thing to come of his time with her was her getting him to pick his hobby. He started to learn to cook. He’s still no fancy chef but it gave him something to do with his hands that wasn’t violence or other things that dulled his pain.

It wasn’t too long after till he met his future wife. His injuries at Gin Mill sent him to Sanagi. And eventually she just started going to the Gin Mill because otherwise he waited till the next day or so to get treated. Alex tested their relationship with his own prejudices and behaviors. But he found he cared enough to work on being a somewhat better person. Is he perfect? No. He’ll never be perfect but Sana gets this and knows he’ll try if she calls him out on his worst behaviors. Because some of that behavior is so ingrained in him from the years he grew up in Ishgard and the following years in the Shroud among bandits.

He drinks and smokes a lot less since marrying Sana. Spends time making them nice meals and occasionally lets her help with small things when cooking. He even adopted a scruffy black cat with part of one ear missing. Still goes to the Gin Mill as his date night with his wife. Yes she knows he’s an assassin and she’s accepted him for who he is. (An she’s not as sweet and innocent as she used to be either since falling in love with Alex and having a plot of her own.) Because he no longer finds the thrill in his work. It’s a job that is necessary and what he knows best. Sometimes he’ll do some odd jobs to make up for the fact he won’t take just any assassinations anymore.

He’s still sometimes an asshole. But he’s improved a lot since his early days as a character. He has a family. Sanagi, the cats, Maeve, Valentin, and Aeri even if he’s still mad at her. A best friend named Arik. Kinda likes Elynni and Elliot. Likes Renaux even if all he does is threaten to punch poor Ren in the nose at Gin Mill and they give each other shit. Even has his former friend back, Lancefer. And I am proud of him. (And I love my friends for giving him a reason to exist.)

#ooc ramblings

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babymetaldoll · 4 years ago

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DIWK - Chapter one: "Yes, I'm a genius"

Word count: 10,5 K

Warnings: Cursing, but it's mostly a fluffy nerdy start to our story. Mentions of the L.D.S.K episode (Season 1, E06) and A real Rain (Season 1, E17).

Summary: Spencer meets the BAU new member, a young S.S.A. who happens to be just as nerdy as he is. (Y/N) is excited to join her dream job finally, but she is decided to create an imaginary barrier between her personal life and her job 'cos she doesn't want to make the same mistakes her father had done.

A/N: It's happening!!! I'm so excited!! I'm sorry it's gonna be long, so I hope you enjoy the ride 💕. Let me know what you think!

Series Masterlist

┅┅┅┅┅┅┅༻❁༺┅┅┅┅┅┅┅

Spencer's point of view

I remember everything that happened the day (Y/N) first arrived at the BAU. It was Monday, November 7th, 2005. Morgan had teased me for a whole week already, as soon as Hotch told us a new member of the team had been selected.

I first saw her when she had her last interview with Aaron and Gideon. My eyes were glued to her from the moment she stepped into the bullpen, and of course, Derek saw me.

- "What caught your eye, kid?"- he asked, walking to my desk. He sat on it and cut me one of his smirks, telling me he knew something was going on. I cleared my throat, trying to turn to my pile of paperwork, going through the papers, and narrowing my eyes, pretending to read.

- "What?"- I know I couldn't fool him, but at least I tried.

- "Do you know her?"

- "Who?"- Morgan looked at me in silence. He knew I knew what he was talking about- "The... no, Hotch is talking with someone..."

I was completely flustered.

- "That I can see, do you know her?"

- "No..."- I whispered and looked over again, this time staring at the scene inside the office, trying to figure out what they were talking about.

I could see (Y/N) smiling at Hotch, and he... smiled back, which still surprises me. Our Unit Chief never smiles in the office, and somehow, (Y/N) always manages to make him grin and express tenderness. I guess that's one of the things about her I love, the way she always manages- somehow, I still don't know how- to make everybody around her happy. Especially me. I had never been as happy as I've been since I met her.

- "Hey, Hotch!"- Morgan waited until she was into the elevator to call Aaron and start asking questions- Who is she?

- "That's Supervisory Special Agent (Y/F/N) (Y/S/N) (Y/L/N), and she is going to be part of the team, starting next week."

My heart stopped. (Y/N) was gonna work with me. I was never going to have another intelligible thought or idea if she was going to be around. Of that, I was sure.

Derek turned to me with a grimace of taunt as I tried my best to look away and hide my red blushed cheeks. Damn it. I hate it when he makes me feel like a kid. He did that then, and he still manages to do it now, even when I'm already thirty years old.

- "Did you hear that, pretty boy?"- I was so glad it was just him and Hotch. I didn't want anyone else to listen to that conversation- "You are going to get many chances to talk with that pretty girl."

- "We are going to have to go through the fraternization policy then."- Hotch joked. Yes, he joked and smiled as he walked away.

I could barely talk or even look at her during her whole first day. I was so embarrassed that week 'cos I had just failed my firearm qualification, and I knew everybody was judging me. At least that's how I felt. It didn't work that Morgan welcomed me that morning with a freaking whistle. I felt like the mockery of a Supervisory Special Agent of the FBI, and of all days, (Y/N) had to arrive that morning.

We had a long briefing that day, JJ catching (Y/N) up with a few cases we were reviewing, and Hotch gave her the proper induction to the team. Penelope loved her. It was friendship at first sight.

- "I'm so happy you are here to stay! There aren't enough girls here at the BAU!"- she nearly squeaked as soon as we left the meeting room- "I want to know everything about you! We are going to be best friends. I can feel it!"- (Y/N) smiled at Garcia and nodded.

- "If you are a cat lover and a sucker for nerdy things, then I guess we are already family."

Her answer made Penelope shriek in excitement as I walked back to my desk quickly. I knew Derek wasn't going to waste the chance to embarrass me in front of her, and I needed to avoid it no matter what.

- "Considering it's your first day, and so far we haven't got a case, I say we should all have lunch together. There's a small place nearby"- Morgan smiled sweetly at (Y/N), and she nodded.

- "I'd love to."

- "Spencer here was just telling me how he wanted to know how you got to the BAU so young; he is excited not to be the team's baby anymore"- I turned to Morgan slowly. I swear he could feel the daggers from my eyes.

- "How old are you?"- she asked, and her smile left me speechless. I tried to answer, but I couldn't make any sound but an awkward stutter.

- "He's twenty-four"- Elle had to answer for me, 'cos I had literally lost all my verbal abilities- "His birthday was a few weeks ago."

- "Congratulations! I'm twenty-four too! I'm so happy I'm not the youngest! My brother teased me about it for the last couple of days and got me all freaked out."

She looked so happy to be there. When you spend day after day surrounded by the worst of humankind, you seem to enjoy and appreciate the little gentle things in life. Her excitement was one of those. It was refreshing.

- "That's..."- it was so hard to pronounce any word at that moment. I was flustered and mortified 'cos I was making a fool out of myself.

- "That's great."

That was all I managed to say. Then, I looked down at the papers on my desk, doing my best to avoid any conversation. JJ and Elle talked to her for a few more minutes before returning to their duties, and Derek tapped my back as he walked to his desk.

- "Way to go, Romeo."

- "Shut up."

We never made it for lunch that day, 'cos we were called for a case in Illinois, and I was embarrassed in front of (Y/N) for the very first time. The first of many.

(Y/N)'s point of view

I could never forget the day I met Spencer. We were just kids. We were both twenty-four, and that was the first thing that caught everybody's attention on my first day at the BAU. We were the youngest, though he was a genius. I was an average kid who graduated high school at sixteen, got good grades at college, and got into the academy at twenty. Somehow I managed to kick ass until I got the position of my dreams in the Behavioral Analysis Unit. I felt too young and inexperienced to be there, but seeing Reid's face made me feel a little better.

Hotch introduced me to everybody: Morgan, JJ, Elle, Penelope, Gideon -the legend- and Doctor Spencer Reid. He didn't shake my hand, explaining he has a "germs thing." I waved and said I understood him because I've always had a "hug thing," so we are both on the same page.

- "I don't like people touching me if we are not close friends or family."- I explained, and he smiled right away. That smile. It lit up my days for years to come.

- "Me neither, so don't worry, I'm not gonna try to touch you"- I bit my lips as I nodded, and his cheeks turned blood red with embarrassment immediately

- "Sorry, I mean, I'm not going to do anything that might bother you, like hugging you or..."

- "Don't worry, Dr. Reid, I understood what you were trying to say"- he kept nodding and excusing himself, and I tried not to laugh. He seemed to be so nervous it was endearing.

- "You... you can call me Spencer, or Reid"- he added- "You don't need to call me doctor."

- "You can call me (Y/N)"- and he nodded again, looking like a ten years old kid.

I remember clearly that second, right away, I thought he could be my new best friend. There was something about him that made me want to get closer to him.

- "Great! Now we've got two weird kids."- Morgan quickly said, chuckling, and I frowned at his words. I wanted to give him the snarkiest answer, but I remembered it was my first day, and I was still trying to give a good impression to my new coworkers, so I just stared.

- "You know, treating them like kids won't make you look wiser."- Elle whispered, though I heard her perfectly, as Hotch called to the briefing room.

- "I'm just joking with them! Don't you get a joke?"

I thought it was rude to joke around with someone you had just met, but soon after that, I realized Derek Morgan meant no harm. He was like that. And soon, he became the older brother I never thought I was going to need at work. After all, it was my first official job, and it was a very stressful one.

My first case was nerve-wracking. Gideon snapped in front of me, and I felt I wasn't helping at all catching the sniper. We are not supposed to use that word, but fuck it. Besides, Spencer and Hotch were kept hostage by the unsub. And Aaron had to beat the shit out of Reid to save all the hostages. Reid was so embarrassed, and I was so scared.

Scared of looking weak in front of my team. Afraid of not deserve being at the BAU.

I remember Elle brought me a coffee on the jet on our way back and said the words that resonated in my head when she left.

- "No one expects you to be perfect at what you do. We just need someone who gives the best every day."

I looked into her eyes and nodded. That was one of the few intimate conversations we had. Elle wasn't the one to open her heart and share her feelings. But she was always someone who could tell you the truth and support you when you needed it.

- "Hey! Reid!"- I waved at him from my car as I stopped next to him outside the BAU. It was already two in the morning, and he was outside the main building waiting for a cab.

- "Hey (Y/N)."- he whispered as I rolled up the window and looked at him.

- "Do you need a ride?"

- "No... no, thank you"- he hesitated and waved- "I already called a cab."

- "Are you sure? it's gonna start raining any minute now."

And just as I predicted, a few seconds later, Spencer's glasses were covered with tiny drops of water. He smiled and took a step closer to the car, opened the door, and got in.

- "Th... thank you"- he whispered as I smiled

- "It's ok, I couldn't let you there, on your own, waiting for a cab, not after coming back from a case."

- "I'm ok..."- maybe he thought I was implying the beating he got from Aaron earlier that day, so I did my best to tell him otherwise.

- "I bet you are, but it's fucking freezing, and we are all tired. There's no way you are waiting for a cab if I can drive you over... what about your car, by the way?"

- "I'm not a fan of driving; I take the subway to work every day."

- "Really? Why not?"- I was surprised by his answer, but I was way more surprised we were talking, finally.

- "I don't know, I don't feel comfortable driving... the guys say I'm weird."

I turned to him, raising an eyebrow. He looked so nervous it made me feel bad. Maybe I had done something that had bothered him and never noticed it.

- "That's not weird"- my voice was soft, trying to calm him down. Spencer looked like a scared kitten sitting on my car's passenger seat.

- "If you don't like driving, that's ok... I don't like talking on the phone with people. It makes me anxious for no reason."- I confessed, keeping my eyes on the road. But I know he turned to me and nodded.

- "That's completely normal. It's called "telephone phobia" or "phone phobia," which refers to the irrational fear or discomfort with speaking over the phone. Psychologists believe that this condition is related to social anxiety, which causes a person to avoid situations where they will need to act. Making a call is essentially a performance, and some people dread making a mistake, freezing up, being ridiculed, or not being able to perform in front of an audience."

- "Really?"- he just nodded and kept his eyes on the road- "I didn't know it had a name! My insurance should cover it."

And he finally laughed, which made me feel he was maybe a little more relaxed around me.

- "This is me."- he announced, and I parked outside his building. It was a nice place, and conveniently, it was very close to my house.

- "Great! I live just a few blocks away. I can give you a ride to work whenever you want"- I might have sounded a little more excited than I should have, but I wanted to be friends with him. He was the closest in age with me at work, and he looked so shy and friendly. He was a magnet. Spencer Reid was calling for my friendship. I could feel it.

- "Th.. thanks"- he stuttered and nodded as he opened the door and step out of the car- "Thank you, again."

- "You are very welcome!"- I answered with a big smile. He stared at me for another second and waved before turning around, basically running into the building.

I wish I could go back in time to those days. Everything was more uncomplicated, we were getting to know each other, and everything was brand new: Reid's rambling, my bad jokes. I miss that. I miss us.

It wasn't easy to get close to Spencer. It wasn't easy to get close to the team, probably 'cos I was overthinking every single thing I did. In my first couple of weeks, I was as friendly as I have ever been and made my best to be the (Y/N) I had to be as an FBI Agent. I was making a tremendous effort to fit it. I was nervous and walking on eggshells the whole time. Every time Hotch talked to me, I was sure he would tell me I was fired. When Gideon looked at me, I was sure he thought I was the dumbest agent he had ever met. And every time I spoke at the morning briefings, I just could feel Spencer thinking I was stupid.

- "(Y/N)! (Y/N)! I was looking for you!"- Penelope ran into me outside the lady's room and jumped on my face, making me scream- "Sorry!"

- "It's ok, you just almost killed me of a heart attack, but that's ok... I'll survive."- I joked as I kept feeling my heart jumping in my chest.

- "Sorry, I'm just excited 'cos everybody is in for a little gathering tonight at my house. I need to give you a proper welcome! You've already been here for nearly a month, and we still don't get to know much of you."

Hanging out with my coworkers outside the office was strange. Not that I didn't want to get to meet them, it's just that... they were FBI agents. Sure, so was I, but it was my first official Supervisory Special Agent job, and I was only twenty-four. There were so many of my teenage days I still wasn't ready to let go. And so much of it, I didn't want them to know.

- "Sure!"- I replied and smiled at her face lighting up. You could tell Penelope was excited to host a party at her house.

- "Great! Tonight! my place! I'll text you the address! you have to be there!"

- "I will, I swear!"

Spencer's point of view

Oh, man! The first time I actually talked to (Y/N) was on a get-together Penelope organized at her apartment a few weeks after (Y/N) joined the team. Garcia made an effort to make her feel welcome, she even invited Elle, and we all knew those two weren't incredibly close.

Derek drove Elle and me to Penelope's, and I was mortified every minute I spent in that car. He wouldn't stop teasing me, and Elle asked over and over if I had a crush on (Y/N).

- "No! I don't have a crush on her! can you knock it off?!"- I finally snapped as I got off the car outside Garcia's building.

- "Just because she is my age doesn't mean I have or should have a crush on her! she is our new colleague! so please! Stop!"

I slammed the door and walked inside. Did I make an unnecessary scene? Yes, but I couldn't handle anything better at that moment. They were driving me crazy.

- "Welcome! Welcome!"- Penelope opened the door and invited us in. (Y/N), and JJ were already there, holding a beer and laughing. I stared at the two of them and knew I wasn't going to say a word the whole evening.

Back then, I still had a small crush on JJ. We had a terrible date after Gideon gave me tickets for a football game with her favorite team. That was his way to encourage me to ask her out, which I did... but apparently, I sucked at it, 'cos she never got it was a date and invited Penelope to come along. Worst date of my life. But still, I got flustered around her, and my mind kept coming back to her from time to time.

- "So, pretty girl, why did you want to be part of the FBI?"- Morgan asked her after a while of small talk. She was sitting on Garcia's coach, next to our host and JJ. I turned to look at her from my chair, and I swear I felt Elle's eyes on me for a few seconds.

- "Do you usually call girls names?"- (Y/N) answered the questions with another question and frowned at Morgan. He just wide opened his eyes and smiled, surprised.

- "He calls everybody names."- JJ replied, chuckling

- "Hey! he calls me sweet names! Just me!"- Penelope got all jealous and possessive right away.

- "Did you know according to some studies, the reason people in relationships use pet names for their partners is that they're harking back to their own childhood experience and their first love, which usually relates to their mother"- facts came out of my mouth faster than I noticed. I didn't have a chance to stop myself.

Derek frowned right away and (Y/N) bit her lips, trying not to laugh. Elle lost that fight and let out a burst of loud laughter along with JJ.

- "Are you trying to tell me I've got mommy issues, Reid?"

- "No, no, of course not!"- my voice was agitated as I shook my head and hands frenetically. If there's one thing I never want to do is get Morgan mad. He is scary when he is crossed, and back then, we weren't as close as we are now. Let's say I was a little afraid I might say the wrong thing. I always said the wrong thing... I don't know when to stop.

- "I call people pet-names too, once I get to know them, so don't worry"- (Y/N) smiled at turned to Derek with a smile- "And to answer your question, why did I join the FBI? I guess I tried to follow dad's steps. He is chief of police here at Quantico... and my older brother is a detective at NYPD, so... I guess I never really thought about it. I knew where I wanted to be."

- "I bet they are proud"- JJ smiled at her, and I held my breath for a second. I don't know why I did it; I just remember feeling overwhelmed all of a sudden. Not because of JJ, but because I wanted to learn more about (Y/N). I wanted to know everything, but I had no idea how to ask her anything.

- "Well, my brother is very jealous since I joined the BAU"- she chuckled with a playful smile- "Now I'm dad's favorite."

She told us about her academy experience, and we all told her a little bit about ourselves. Morgan was nice enough to tell her everything about my degrees and IQ because, well, my IQ dropped to twenty when it was my turn to talk to her.

I found out she has a MA in Linguistics and was considering doing the DA, which she did. That's when I managed to speak, and we talked about our college experiences for a while.

- "Oh, no! I wasn't popular at all. When your dad is a cop, kids usually don't wanna talk to you or invite you to parties."- she explained as we stood at one side of the room. Talking to her on our own was a little bit easier than doing it with everybody else watching. I don't know why. So I took my opportunity when Derek was out getting more beer with Elle, and JJ and Garcia were in the kitchen.

- "Being fourteen and riding my bike to college didn't make me very popular either."- I confessed, and she chuckled

- "Sorry."

- "Don't be"- I smiled and looked down at my shoes- "I guess at a certain point in our lives, we have to start laughing about some of the bad things that happened to us"- her cellphone rang that second, and she looked at the screen with a small smile.

- "Sorry, I have to answer this, it's my boyfriend."

Boyfriend. I should have seen it coming.

I walked to the kitchen, defeated, and sighed. I left my empty can of Coke and looked at my friends.

- "I think I'm gonna go home."

- "What? No! It's too early, Spence!!"- JJ argued right away- "You never want to hang out with us outside work!"

- "Yeah!! Don't you want to have fun with us?"- Garcia begged and pouted. I wasn't sure I wanted to be there. I was very uncomfortable 'cos social gatherings weren't my thing (they are still not my thing anyway) until I heard her voice.

- "So, what are you guys doing?"- (Y/N) walked over and stood next to me

- "Who were you talking to?"- Penelope asked right away with a wink.

- "My boyfriend"- she was joyful, I could feel the happiness in her voice- "He just wanted to know if I was ok."

- "Boyfriend?"- JJ smiled, and I could feel her eyes glance over me.

- "I need to know everything!"- and Penelope hyperventilated right away- "How long have you been dating? Are you getting married soon? Is he the love of your life?"

- "Who's getting married?"- Morgan walked in and wide opened his eyes as he questioned the room.

- "(Y/N) is getting married!!"- Penelope nearly shrieked as (Y/N) shook her head laughing.

- "I'm not getting married! Paul and I started dating just a month ago; it's nothing serious."

I took a sip of the beer Elle gave me and sighed, staring at the bottle. I made my best not to look at Derek for the rest of the night. I didn't want him to give me any sorry glance or anything that might make anyone believe something that wasn't real.

It was a fun night, after all. After my beer, we talked; I felt a little looser and managed to ask (Y/N) about herself and told her I had overheard her telling Garcia she was a sucker for all nerd things.

- "Yeah, I'm a huge nerd"- her cheeks blushed with her confession.

- "I bet you can't beat baby genius here"- Morgan chuckled and tapped in my back, making everybody laugh... at me.

- "I've got the feeling I can top him... you have no idea the kind of geek I am"- she looked straight at me- "How many Star Wars conventions have you been to this year?"

- "Just one, you?"- I raised an eyebrow and watched her chuckle.

- "Five... last two I was in make-up and custom"- I wide opened my eyes as she bit her lips nervously.

- "And Doctor Who conventions?"- I asked her, way more intrigued than I had been about her before.

- "Only two this year, the academy and school got in the way of most of my fun..."

- "Do you have a favorite doctor?"- I had to ask

- "From the new series, ten, the classic Doctor who I have to say four."

- "Tom Baker is by far my favorite doctor of the whole series."

- "But you can't overlook the fantastic job David Tennant has done! He is the one who managed to charm a whole new generation with the show!"

- "Yeah, he is excellent! but he ain't no Baker"- I loved that conversation

- "Baker's popularity is 80% because he had Sara Jane, who is by far one of the best companions the doctor has ever had. She made him human and relatable"- she had a point, but I needed to argue with her. I opened my mouth to answer, but I couldn't because Morgan's voice was louder than my thoughts.

- "Ok, geeks, you can ramble about your tv shows and nerd things some other time, now let's make a toast. To our newest member, we hope you feel welcome working with us, 'cos you are gonna see us way more than you see your boyfriend"- she chuckled at those words and nodded.

- "Thank you, guys. You have been so nice to me these couple of weeks. I've got the feeling we are gonna get along."

- "Do you need a ride?"- (Y/N) turned to me as I grabbed my satchel, and she put on her coat.

- "Thanks, but Morgan is gonna take me home."- I whispered, scared to be alone with her again.

- "Actually, kid, I was planning to hit the club right now, it's still early, and we don't get many free nights, so..."- he looked at us and shrugged.

- "You don't mind?"- I asked her, and she gave me the warmest smile.

- "I just offered to do it, of course, I don't mind at all."

- "Thank you."

I didn't know if I wanted to kill Morgan or thank him. Either way, (Y/N) waved goodbye to everybody and walked out of Garcia's with me, after thanking everybody for the hundredth time for everything.

- "Are you tired?"- she asked me as we both sat in her car. She started it, and the music that came from the radio was so loud, I nearly covered my ears- "Sorry! Sorry! I was rocking my favorite album on my way over."

She quickly turned off the radio and gave me a guilty smile

- "It happens when you drive alone a lot."

- "Did you know listening to loud music helps you liberate stress?"- I started rambling- "There is a direct connection between your inner ear and the pleasure centers in the brain. Shortly explained, when you listen to loud music, endorphins are released, that act on the opiate receptors in our brains, they reduce pain and boost pleasure, resulting in a feeling of well-being."

If I was going to work with her, I had to find a way to talk to her. Even if that way was to ramble facts over and over again. Anything was better than silences, I guess.

- "Yeah! and it also works like a stimulant, which I needed after the week we just had..."- I chuckled, and she looked at me for a second- "By the way, I noticed you have a problem with coffee and sugar"

- "I don't have a problem with coffee!"- I felt nearly judged by her statement.

- "And sugar!"- she added and snickered

- "You know you shouldn't profile other profilers"- I made my best to make a joke, and I guess I nailed it, 'cos she chuckled.

- "That's hardly profiling, Reid! that's just watching you prepare your coffee every morning"

- "Have you been spying on me?"- I could help but to chuckle at that conversation. I was having fun.

- "No way on earth! I just happen to like to drink coffee too, which leads us to the question I wanted to ask, it's still early; Morgan was right, do you want to have a coffee or something... I'm in the mood for something sweet."

- "And you were judging me for my coffee with extra sugar!"

- "I'm not judging you! I'm just pointing out that I noticed what you are doing and wondering how many cavities you already have."

I laughed. An honest, real, pure laughter. She has always made me laugh as I've never had. Like there are no problems, no worries, no traumas. Nothing bad.

- "I have no cavities, thank you very much!"

- "Fine! and are you in the mood for a late coffee and cupcake with me?"- I stayed quiet and looked at her- Don't feel pushed to do it just because I'm giving you a drive

- "No, no, it's not that. I just don't wanna bother you"

- "If I am inviting you, Reid, it's because I want to do it, not because I'm feeling forced to do it"- she kept her eyes on the road, but her voice was so reassuring I couldn't doubt a word.

- "Wouldn't your boyfriend get mad or something?"- I whispered the question 'cos I was scared of the answer.

- "Why should he?"- she looked shocked by the questions- "If he gets jealous, then he is not the guy for me."

I cut her a short smile and nodded. Her personality was so different from mine. It was exciting to have her around.

- "I could eat a donut"- and she clapped at my answer, thrilled with the plan.

- "That's the spirit! I know just the place!"

We talked until four in the morning that night. I don't know how I managed to do it, not because I was tired, but because I was very nervous. Well, I was at the beginning, but talking with (Y/N) has always come easy to me, somehow. To the guy who was never able to speak in public or with any girl, spending three hours in a cafeteria talking, eating donuts, and drinking coffee in the middle of the night was the most significant achievement.

(Y/N)'s point of view

- "How do you know a place open at this hour?"- Spencer asked me the very first time we were out together for coffee. It was already close to four in the morning, and I had started yawning, 'cos even with all the sugar and caffeine I had consumed that night, I was weary.

- "Sorry to break the news, doctor, but are not the only one with a sugar problem"- I licked a little frosting from my finger and grinned- "Sometimes after classes, or when I was too stressed studying, I would come here, get a coffee, a cupcake and just... do nothing for a while, just to let my brain rest I guess"

- "That makes total sense. The brain needs free time to process new information and turn it into something more permanent. Though the amount of time a mind needs to construct a durable memory probably varies from one person to the next, it also depends on the complexity of what that person is trying to learn"

- "Well, believe me, it felt like I needed two weeks to process all the information, but I only had half an hour if I was lucky"

- "Then you are already trained for this work. We don't have much time to do anything when we are on a case"

- "That's what I've seen so far... but at least you all get along. It would suck to be stuck in a team that fight egos and divisions."

- "Yeah, you are right, we are lucky to have very nice people working with us... everybody brings something different to the team"- I nodded at his words and looked down at my fingers as I tried to wipe the leftover sticky glazed with a napkin.

I had been working there for four weeks already, and I still felt like I didn't belong. Honestly, it was such hard work being there, not because they weren't a great team, but because it was more challenging than I ever imagined. Profiling and traveling all over the nation catching serial killers was... stressing, to say the least.

- "You bring a completely different point of view in every case"- he continued speaking and looked down at his cup- "And your knowledge in Linguistics adds more information to the profiles, which helps working faster and better."

I held my breath at his words. I knew he was just polite, just trying to make me feel better about my job performance these weeks.

- "I can assure you, you have been an incredible addition to the team"- he stayed quiet for a second, still just staring at his cup.

- "Thank you."

- "It's true; I'm not telling you this 'cos I think you need to hear it. I wanted you to know 'cos that's how we all feel."

I know I was blushing. I don't know how to take a compliment. Not that I get many, but it's always weird to hear someone telling you so nice things about your work.

- "Thank you, Spencer"- he finally looked at me and nodded. We stayed in silence for a few minutes. I didn't know what else to say, and he seemed to be embarrassed.

- "Thank you, actually"- he finally whispered.

- "Why? I didn't do anything"- I was confused, but he was earnest about his words.

- "Thank you, 'cos you have been very nice to me, even though I am a barely tolerable person."

- "What? Barely tolerable? What the hell are you saying?"

- "I mean, I know I drive people crazy 'cos I am always rambling and giving unnecessary facts all the time"- I narrowed my eyebrows, not getting why he was saying those things.

- "You do not do that."

- "Maybe you haven't been here long enough to realize I am always giving facts, and..."- he was honest. He actually believed people were annoyed by him. It hurt me to know that's what he thought of himself.

- "I realized that within the first three hours into the job, but I think that's amazing."

- "People would always say it's annoying."

- "Why would they say that?"

- "Because... I know they do."

- "Well, whoever says or thinks that are assholes, I like your rambling."

Reid snorted, and I hit his arm with my knuckles softly. I really felt bad he was so insecure, and most of all, he thought everybody hated him.

- "I mean it, Spencer, I wish I knew half the things you know, and if being with you means having to listen to your rambling, I think it's incredible, 'cos it gives me the chance to soak some of that knowledge."

The way he smiled, it was like his whole face lit up. He blushed, obviously embarrassed, and it also blushed me, 'cos he was gorgeous when he smiled.

- "So please, don't stop the facts, not with me"- he nodded and sipped what was left of his coffee.

After another few minutes, we left, and I drove him home. We were in a small sugar rush; we were too tired to have a full effect. I knew all I wanted was my bed and sleep the whole weekend.

- "I had a great time tonight"- I parked my car outside his building and smiled- "At Penelope's and with you"

I was so excited we had finally talked and gotten closer. I wanted to be friends with him so badly. Why? I don't know. I just knew I needed him in my life, from that minute on.

- "I had a great time too"- he smiled and held his satchel- "See you Monday"

- "Yeah! See ya!"

- "Drive safe!"

- "I will!"

I got home that night and laid on my bed, fully dressed. I barely took off my shoes and fell asleep right away. I was too tired to think, too tired even to put on my pajamas. But I wasn't too tired to remember Spencer's smile while he ate donuts. His dorky glasses, the way he gesticulated everything he said when he was excited about a subject. I was glad I had finally gotten to talk to him for once. And I couldn't wait to do it again.

Back then, Paul and I had just started dating. I wasn't in love with him, but he was a nice, funny guy I loved spending time with. I met Paul a couple of months ago at a friend's party. He was fun to be with, and we had a lot of things in common. We were both into music. He had a band, I didn't back then, but eventually got mine over time. He was like me, nothing like my friends at the BAU.

I thought that was cool, 'cos he represented a part of me I didn't want to lose working at the FBI. I was terrified I was going to lose myself in my new job. I saw how it affected dad's and my brother's life, how they were consumed by it in almost every single way. It was why my parents got divorced. It was why my brother couldn't keep a girlfriend for longer than a few months. 'Cos work was first, and their job was everything. The crazy hours, having to answer every call, no matter how busy you were. I thought it was sick how work could be your whole life. I was decided not to let it happen.

Yeah. I had no idea what I was getting into.

Soon after I joined the BAU, the nightmares began. I guess nothing prepares you to see so many people die. And nothing prepares you to kill someone, no matter if that someone is a child abuser.

I took the shoot, didn't even hesitate. It went right between his eyes. It was him or me, I know that. He was going to kill me. But still, it was hard.

Derek turned to me as I stayed still, in shock. It took me a few seconds to even breathe. I had just killed a person. It wasn't just some random thing.

- "(Y/N), are you ok?"- he landed a hand on my shoulder, and I quickly nodded.

- "Yeah, I'm ok... that was fast"- it was all I could say and turned to him. He gave me a short warm smile and wrapped an arm around me. I flinched at his touch right away and held my breath again. I don't know if he felt it, but still, he didn't let me go.

Derek has that thing when he doesn't care if you want it or no; he will give you his love and friendship when he feels you deserve it. I guess I'm lucky to call him my friend. And he really pushed that hug thing I still have.

- "Are you ok?- Spencer's voice was a sweet whisper. He sat carefully next to me in the jet and gave me a warm cup of tea- "I made you the one you like"

Of course, he had noticed my favorite brand, 'cos that's what Spencer does, he takes mental notes of everything and never, ever forgets. I wonder if that's a good thing or not. I guess it depends on what you remember.

- "Yeah, just tired"- working at the BAU, you can hide any kind of feeling behind the "I'm so tired" excuse. Mostly because we are indeed tired the whole time.

- "It was an extreme case"- I sipped my cup of tea and nodded at his words- "Do you..."

- "No, I'm ok, I don't wanna talk about it"- he bit his lips as he smiled. We both stayed quiet for a while. He read (somehow, at a relative normal peace), and I drank my tea. I couldn't concentrate on anything, so I just looked outside and tried not to think about the unsub's face and how he looked when I killed him.

- "How was your first time?"- I finally asked him, and I think my question caught him by surprise, 'cos he nearly jumped on his seat- "Not your first time in the sack, the first time you had to..."

- "No, I got it, I got it"- he was already blushing, it was adorable- "My first time was actually the first time you drove me home"

- "Really?"

- "Yeah"- he made a pause and gathered his thoughts, I guess- "I didn't really go out to the field a lot before 'cos I didn't have my firearm qualification"

And suddenly I remembered how embarrassed he was about it on my first day at the BAU. Derek made sure everybody knew about it 'cos he thought it was hilarious. And I thought he was a jerk for making fun of him.

- "And did it affect you?"- it was a stupid question. I knew Spencer was a sensitive person; of course, killing someone was going to affect him in many ways- "I mean, how did it affect you?"

- "I couldn't feel anything at first"

- "Shock?"- he nodded and sighed- "Gideon said that maybe I didn't know what I felt and that's why I thought I didn't feel a thing, but that wasn't it, it was like I was numbed inside... but then when it hits you"- he murmured- "And you can't stop thinking about it"

- "I think it hit me sooner than I thought"- I closed my eyes and sighed, but even then, I could feel those empty dead eyes staring at me.

- "Wanna know what helped me?"- Spencer's voice was velvety and soothing. It felt relaxing talking to him.

- "What?"- I whispered and turned to look at him

- "Remember two things: you did what you had to do"- I sighed at that with a small smile. It didn't sound like something I could believe at that moment.

- "And the second?"

- "A lot of kids are alive and safe because of you"

Now, that made me feel a lot better. Reid was right. I did what I had to do to help people. That guy wasn't going to stop.

- "Thanks"- I managed to give him a slight smile, and he did the same.

- "I'm here to talk if you want to"

It felt like he was really making an effort to say those words. I didn't know why it was still so hard for him to talk to me. Maybe it was still a sensitive subject for him, so I did what I do best: I joked about it.

- "Thank you... I'll try to avoid the issue as much as I can, but when I collapse under the pressure, I promise I'll come to you"- he chuckled at my answer and nodded right away.

- "Great plan."

And a few days later, I couldn't sleep anymore. I kept waking up to those eyes. I kept feeling guilty for killing a child abuser who was trying to kill me. I relived in my mind that moment over and over again.

- "Babe, come back to bed"- Paul found me sitting by the kitchen island staring at a herbal teacup at two am. It was my third insomnia night.

- "Yeah, I'll be right there"- he turned to walk back to the room but hesitated and looked at me again.

- "Do you want to talk about it?"- I shook my head, still not taking my eyes from the cup. He slowly walked to me and held my hand - "Come on, babe, everything looks worse at two am."

And he was right. Everything seemed to be worse when it came to my mind in the middle of the night. But it didn't get any better during the day either. He cuddled with me in my bed and fell asleep soon after. I just stayed there, feeling his chest moving softly with his soft breathing, thinking I had killed someone, and it wasn't going to be the last time I was going to face something like this.

Spencer's point of you

Do you want to know something sad? I was excited we had an unsub in New York 'cos I had never been there. Back then, I didn't know my colleagues were going to tease me about it. I didn't give it too much thought. I honestly wasn't good at leaving my house when we weren't in a case. Most of my traveling had been due to work, and other than La Vegas and Pasadena, I hadn't been to many cities just to sightsee.

Why am I thinking about that right now? 'cos we were in New York the day (Y/N) gave me her first gift.

Everybody had made fun of me during dinner because I didn't know how to eat with chopsticks. JJ tried to teach me, which also caused hours of Morgan's teasing for the rest of the trip. Thankfully, they dropped the jokes when we went back to the police station to take one last look at the profile after we got a call out unsub had killed a cop this time.

But after two hours of thinking, neither of us was honestly able to give any new idea to the case. Hotch insisted we head back to the hotel to have some rest. (Y/N) was one of the last ones to leave, along with Gideon and me.

- "Stop looking at the board"- she said, standing by my side, bag in hand- "Let's go. Your big brain needs to rest."

- "I won't be able to sleep knowing I'm missing something"- I answered, not taking my eyes from the board

- "Come on"- (Y/N) playfully hit my arm- "You need your eight hours of sleep to be a fully functional genius"

- "You should try to get a full night's sleep as well"- I turned to her and watched her eyes widen- "What? Do you think I didn't notice you haven't been sleeping?"

- "No, but I thought you were going to wait until I had a mental breakdown to force me to talk about it; that was the plan, right?"

I tried not to laugh, but it was hard; she is so funny, though I knew that was a sensitive subject, it had been weeks since the incident, and it was clear (Y/N) wasn't processing everything right. If anything, her jokes were a coping mechanism to avoid talking or even thinking about what had happened.

- "We can also talk about it, just... talk"

- "I know what happens with me, Reid"- she whispered and looked around. Gideon was outside, no way near us, but still, she kept her voice low. It made me see she was scared he would hear her, 'cos she didn't want him to think she was weak.

- "I guess I just have to make peace with it. It was gonna happen, and it will happen again, it's my job, it's part of what I do, end of it."

I looked at her and nodded in silence. There was so much I wanted to tell her, but I couldn't shake the thought she was going to laugh at me.

- "Do you want to?"- I made a pause and took a deep breath. Yes, I was very nervous- "Do you want to walk back to the hotel? it's just a few blocks and maybe... fresh air can help you relax?"

I didn't mean to hesitate so much, but it was scary for me to ask her to spend time on our own. I don't know why. It wasn't just with her; it happened with everybody at that point in my life. I was sure no one wanted to spend time with me. Why would they?

- "Can we have a midnight cupcake?"- she asked and smiled. I bit my lips and pretended to give the idea a lot of thinking, though I was craving donuts ever since we didn't have time for dessert at dinner.

- "Just one, and no coffee"

- "What are you? The sleeping police?"- she teased me and led the way. We waved at Gideon and walked outside the police station.

For a rainy night, it was freezing. But I didn't care much. I was too busy looking around, it was technically my first night out in New York, and though I was just leaving work and walking back to the hotel, it was the biggest adventure I have had there so far.

For the first couple of minutes, we walked in silence. (Y/N) looked at her feet, hands stuffed in her pocket as I walked next to her, holding my umbrella for the two of us. I tried to take in everything that was going on around us. It was exciting, being there, alone. I was a twenty-four-year-old Supervisory Special Agent of the FBI, and I was excited to walk with a friend in the New York city streets. No wonder why Morgan called me "kid."

- "Did you know more than 800 languages are spoken in New York City? that makes it the most linguistically diverse city in the world"- I had to start rambling facts after a while because I guess I couldn't help it.

- "Vraiment?"- she answered, and I chuckled. Of course, Master in Linguistics.

- "Oui"- I thought we could have a whole conversation in french; it would have been fun and fascinating, but my French was very rusty, and I didn't know if she was fluent or just learned a few things.

- "When I was a kid, I dreamt about living in New York. I was obsessed with it"- she kept looking down at her feet as she spoke, and I turned to look at her for a second. She looked sad somehow, or that's what I read from her. I've always done my best not to profile profilers. It's harder than you imagine.

- "Why?"- she chuckled at her thoughts and kept her eyes on her shoes.

- "You know how they always make you feel no matter how weird you might be, you are still going to fit in New York?"

- "You are not weird"- I couldn't help but frown and look at her- "You are..."

- "I am weird, we are all weird, that's what makes us great"

I loved that thought. That's why I've never forgotten it. Lie, I can't forget. I remember everything we've said to each other because I want to, not because I have an eidetic memory.

- "But when you are in school, everybody is trying to fit it and be normal, and that wasn't me at all..."

I didn't see that coming, and I have to admit it, I loved it. I often felt I was an outsider at the BAU. Hotch, Gideon, Morgan, Elle, JJ, they all fit in everywhere we'd go. Meanwhile, everybody looked at me, wondering what the hell am I doing there. I could read it on their faces. The fact the team had to introduce me as "Doctor Spencer Reid" is a sign they are making an effort to make me look older and more experienced. Reliable, even.

- "Why would you say you are weird?"- I had to ask- "You look very normal to me, I mean it"- she raised an eyebrow and didn't say a word. She just pulled my jacket and dragged me to a coffee shop.

- "Cupcakes, Reid, you can't expect me to tell you embarrassing facts about my life without a cup of coffee and a mountain of sugar."

JJ always said I ate like a kid, too many pastries and candy, no salad. Meanwhile, (Y/N) kept pushing sugar into my body. I liked that. They were both so different. JJ treated me like I didn't know how to deal with life. (Y/N) treated me like I could help her deal with life. JJ wanted to help me grow up. I could feel (Y/N) wanted to be my friend, and I loved that. I had never felt someone longing for my company. It was always the opposite. I usually felt people were stuck with me.

For months I kept comparing the two of them in my head. JJ had such condescending manners, it sometimes made me think she might actually have feelings for me. Other times, Morgan would call her my mom, which took all the hopes from my mind.

- "What do you do in your free time, Reid?"- (Y/N) sat in front of me in a booth. Right in between us, a table with two coffees, a red velvet cupcake, and a chocolate frosted donut with sprinkles.

- "I read, study..."- I didn't give much thought to my answers- "I also write a letter to my mom every day"

- "That's so cute"- I felt how my cheeks turned blood red, and she smiled at me sweetly.

- "Thanks..."- I sipped my hot cappuccino and winced as the coffee burned my tongue, and she chuckled.

- "Slowly, doc, or are you in a hurry?"

- "Definitely not, I have no other plan, I mean, I could sleep, but I know I won't, and, and I know you won't sleep either, so"- the words left my mouth at such a fast pace, not even I got them all. (Y/N) nodded and started taking apart her cupcake, little by little.

- "That's awesome, 'cos I like hanging out with you, and I don't feel like hanging out with Elle tonight. We are sharing rooms."

- "You don't like her?"- now that was breaking news- "I thought you two got along"

- "Don't get me wrong, I like her. I just don't feel like being the version of myself I am when I'm with her"

I looked at her, not sure of where she was going. She took a piece of cake and ate it slowly.

- "You lost me"- (Y/N) sighed and ran a finger around the edge of her cup.

- "Are you really you the whole time when you are at work, Reid?"

- "Well, yes?"- I wasn't sure that was the answer she wanted, but it was the only one I had- "I don't know how to be anybody else"

That was the whole truth. That's still the truth. Maybe that's why I have never been popular. People say I have no empathy, that I can't read any social cues. If I knew how to be someone else, I would probably try to change that and be a Spencer that's entirely sympathetic and social, like everybody else. But I can't force myself to act differently.

She stared at me, and I could feel the frustration piling behind her small smile.

- "Do you want to know something weird?"- her eyes shone as she stared into mines asking the question

- "Always"

- "You are the only person at the BAU I feel I can be myself with"- she whispered and sipped her coffee again.

- "Thanks?"- I was confused- "But... you are not that different with me than you are with the rest of the team"

- "Well, I am... I don't share who I really am at work because I am afraid"

- "Why? What scares you?"- she sighed and laid back on the seat. I kept my eyes fixated on her until she furrowed her brows, staring back at me

- "Are you trying to profile me, Spencer? 'cos we are not supposed to profile each other. I'm pretty sure it was in the contract I signed"- I smiled, busted, and nodded.

- "If it makes you feel any better, you are hard to read"

- "I'm a good liar, don't tell anyone"

She was proud of her answer, and I guess she should have been. You have to be an excellent liar to catch unsubs, get in their head, play with them when you have to make them talk. I guess she was ahead of me in that area.

- "Well, If it makes you feel better, I feel more comfortable around you than most of the team"

I closed my eyes as I spoke, and I knew my voice had been so low and soft, it hadn't been surprising if she hadn't been able to hear me, but she did.

- "Is it because I don't like touching people either?"- she joked, and a small smile stretched across my lips

- "It is because you"- I stopped and rearranged my thoughts. You could tell she was eager to hear the rest of my answer, and I was making sure not to make a fool out of myself.

- "It's because it feels you don't judge me for being me"

- "That's exactly how I feel, Spencer"- her smile was so big it made mine grow bigger as well.

- "But, why can't you be you with everybody?"- (Y/N) took a big bite of her cupcake, feeling more confident about our conversation and nodding.

- "Mmm, this is so damn good, you should try it, Reid"

- "Answer the question, (Y/N)"- I ignored her random comment and asked again- "Why can't you just be you?"

- "There are two answers to that question, and both of them are real"- she finally confessed and bit her lips, playing again with a little piece of cake on the dish.

- "I'm waiting"

- "You know, for someone who said has all the night off, you are indeed in a hurry now!"- she snickered and stuck out her tongue at me.

- "Fine, here's the truth: I don't want to share my whole real me at work because I am scared people will judge me and think I'm weird and too immature for the job, but at the same time, and this is the second reason, I don't wanna show my whole me at work 'cos I am afraid I'll lose it along the way, I am worried the FBI will take that weird part of me and will turn me into an SSA."

- "You are an S.S.A., (Y/N)"

- "I know, but I'm afraid I might end up being an ASS, Reid"

Her joke made me laugh so hard, tears fell down my cheeks. And she looked pleased to see me laughing.

- "See? That's me, the girl telling weird jokes the whole time 'cos can't stand a serious "grown-up" conversation. Can you imagine this (Y/N) talking with Hotch? Seriously, Reid, can you imagine?"

- "No, I can't"- I shook my head, still chuckling, and took a bit of my donut- "But I would definitely love to."

- "Do you want to know what I do in my free time?"- my mouth was still full, so I just nodded, feeling a little guilty I hadn't asked about her when she had asked about my hobbies.

- "I ride my longboard and play bass, do you think an SAA should be doing that? Do you think Elle does it? JJ? they are the perfect fit for the role. I am that kid at the back of the class who got a stroke of luck and managed to hang out with the cool kids"

- "Am I one of the cool kids?"- I had to ask

- "Yes, Reid, why?"

- "I've never been one of the cool kids before"- she gave me a severe look and sipped her coffee.

- "Here I am, pouring my heart and soul out for you, and all you care about is being one of the popular kids. That's being a lousy friend, Reid."

She was joking, and we both chuckled, but my chest tightened at her words, and the smile on my lips grew wider. She called me her friend for the first time that night.

- "I think you are overthinking this whole thing, (Y/N)"- she sighed at my words and finished her coffee- "We are all weird, you said it yourself"

- "Some on us more than other"

- "Yes, but that's what makes us great and unique. I told you, your vision brings a whole new point of view to the profiles, and I know what it's like to feel insecure people will judge you for being too young"

- "I know, that's why I'm glad you are here"

I am sure I was blushing, and I am absolutely certain she noticed because I heard her giggle as I looked down at my empty dish and fidgeted with my cup.

- "And... are"- I stuttered and narrowed my eyes. I knew I had to stop being so nervous around her; she was my friend, she had said it herself- "Are you ready to talk about your nightmares?"

- "Are you profiling I have nightmares?"- she raised an eyebrow and questioned my question

- "I am staring at the back rings under your eyes. It's clear you haven't been sleeping and considering we both know you went through a traumatic incident, to call it that way, you are clearly going through night terrors or nightmares"

- "Did you go through the same?"

- "Yes, I did"

- "And how did you overcome it?"

- "I haven't. I just made my peace with it"- you could read the deception on her face. That wasn't the answer she was waiting for.

- "They will be more sporadically, I promise, (Y/N)"

- "That's what's scares me too"

- "What?"

- "That one day I won't have the nightmares 'cos I'll be used to seeing the darkness and horror around me."

When we left the cafeteria, it was two in the morning, and the night was freezing. It was no longer raining, and the cold wind could freeze your skin in a second. (Y/N) looked at me as I shivered and opened her bag.

- "Here, put this on"- it was a purple scarf.

- "Thank you"- I was so cold I didn't hesitate. The wool was warm, soft, and it smelled like her- "It's pretty"- I felt I had to compliment it, 'cos she was too nice with me.

- "I made it myself"- you could tell she was proud. I tightened it around my neck and continued our way back to the hotel.

I hadn't felt I could count on someone at the FBI as I did with her. She wouldn't think I'm a kid; she wouldn't be forced to hang out with me. It felt pretty good to have a friend again. Ethan had been the last one I had lost. I always lose the people I love.

- "Thank you"- we were standing outside (Y/N)'s room back at the hotel. I took off the scarf and tried to give it back to her, but she didn't let me.

- "Keep, it's a present for being my first and best BAU friend"- I felt profoundly flattered, and I'm pretty sure I giggled, blushing- "Besides, purple looks good on you"

- "It's my favorite color"- I confessed- "And I'm not saying it just to make you feel good"

- "Then you have to keep it. It was made for you even when I didn't know it"- she smiled one more time and opened the door- "Good night, Reid."

- "Good night, (Y/N)."

----------

Series Masterlist

Chapter two

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forever-rogue · 4 years ago

Text

Bitter

A/N: Pain? Pain? Did someone ask for some pain? No? Well, here’s some pain anyways! No happy endings in sight! Enjoy! Xx (also very loosely based on the song Bitter!)

Pairing: Javier x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 4.7k

Warnings: language, light smut (18+ only!)

MASTERLIST

JAVIER MASTERLIST

»»————-　♡　————-««

He's here. Of course he is.

You were mildly surprised, but honestly, you'd have been more surprised if he'd skipped out.

You clutched your glass of wine so tightly that it seemed to be a miracle that it didn't shatter into a thousand tiny little bits. Just like your heart had done. Because of him. Because of Javier.

You hated him. But in a sick and twisted way, all through how the universe seemed to work, you couldn't ever completely hate him. When you'd been good, you were good. Great even. But as soon as things turned sour, they'd gone bitter in a heartbeat.

For a man that claimed he didn't do relationships, Javier Peña proved to be an excellent partner - a good friend, a caring lover, and a fun time. That was until he decided that relationships absolutely weren't his thing. Because everything had been a lie.

But maybe it had been you?

Because for a man that claimed he didn't do relationships, he sure had liked it with you - until he didn't. Apparently he was willing to wager all of that again - or needed something else from someone else.

At least that's what you gleaned from the blonde that was hanging onto his arm and giggling at seemingly everything he said. It was enough to make you want to throw up then and there.

You’d been at this silly little holiday party for long enough, you suddenly decided. Downing the rest of your wine, the slight buzz had set in but wasn’t enough to actually help to suppress your feelings, you resolved to make a few goodbyes and leave. Going home to an empty and dark apartment was better than staying here.

“You might as well just shoot him,” Steve Murphy’s voice reached your ears and you tensed up before realizing who it was. The tall blonde was standing next to you, a drink in his own hand and a scowl on his face, “it’d be easier than glaring daggers all night.”

“Which is precisely why I’m leaving,” you took your empty flute and shoved it in his hand. You almost felt bad for snapping at him - almost. He’d been Javier’s partner and friend first and foremost, and although you’d come to know him as your own friend, it was still hard to separate the two of them. But he was a good man, and to be fair, he’d been almost as men to Javier as you had when it all went down. However, unlike you, he was stuck working with him. You were lucky enough to work for the CIA instead of the DEA, so you had the mercy of getting to easily avoid him.

“I’ve never seen her before,” he offered as if that was going to make everything better, “he’s probably-”

“I don’t care,” you insisted sharply, bitter venom lacing your words, “I really don’t, Steve. I just - I’m leaving.”

“Do you need me to-”

“I’m good,” you insisted.

You were anything but.

“Kid-”

“I’m good,” you repeated firmly as you pressed past him and headed for the exit of the stuffy hall. You didn’t even bother turning around to say goodbye to say or anything. You just wanted to get out of there and go home as quickly as possible.

Fuck Javier Peña. Fuck him for making you fall in love with him, and fuck him for breaking you in one foul swoop.

»»————-　♡　————-««

“You know, for someone that claims he’s not into the whole romantic relationship bullshit,” you grinned at Javi as you sat on his kitchen counter, swinging your legs back and forth as he prepared dinner, “you’re pretty good at it.”

“Hmm,” he mused as he took a sip of his beer before putting his hands on your thighs and stepping between your legs, “maybe your standards are too low, Dulzura.”

“Maybe you don’t give yourself enough credit,” you teased back, only to be silenced by Javier crashing his lips onto yours. You could already feel yourself melting into his touch, as his arms wrapped around your waist and yours around his neck, “Javi.”

Before things could go any further, the two of you were interrupted by a loud crackling from the pan. A heavy sigh left his lips as he pressed one more to your forehead before he turned back to the pan, “I will admit, I never thought I’d be here making you dinner.”

“Me specifically, or a woman in general?” you carded a hand through his dark locks before smirking at him.

“Both,” he admitted, “not a woman in general because like I said, fuck this romantic bullshit, and definitely not you, because we didn’t start on the best terms when you got here.”

“That was because you were an asshole,” you stuck out your tongue as he just laughed.

“And you were a bitch,” you nodded at his assessment. Neither of you had been particularly kind to the other upon your first several encounters. Javier was stubborn and hard-headed, you were fierce with a lot to prove in a male dominated world. Opposites on an unwavering spectrum, and yet more alike than either of you cared to admit. That's probably why you'd both been at each other's throats time and time again - you insisted he was a chauvinistic pig; he swore you were an ice queen that just hated everyone.

One thing had led to another and eventually there was a singular moment that broke the proverbial camel's back. It had been a quiet evening with both of you trying to get work done that had led you to say something to Javier to which he had responded with a simple, but calculated, uh huh honey.

You couldn't even respond with any words, funding yourself utterly unable, before you grabbed the collar of his slightly too tight pink button up and crashing your lips fiercely onto his. He'd responded in kind - eager and more than willing.

That night, which you'd both sworn up and down would be a one time thing, quickly turned into more. More turned into Javier dropping his nighttime visits to the brothels, and focusing on you. More had turned into this.

"I don't think we've really changed," you admitted as you reached for his beer and downed the rest of it in one go with a wicked smirk, "I think we've just come to realize we're good together. In case you haven't noticed babe, I still have to put up with so much shit. Have some tits and men find it fitting to treat you like a piece of meat."

“You know if anyone ever does or says another thing to you, I’ll-”

“I know, Javier,” you promised with a noncommittal shrug of your shoulders, "I just want to be able to do things on my own and be respected. Just like you and Steve and all the other men are."

"You outshine them all easily," he set the spoon down on the edge of the pot, crossing his arms over his broad chest, "they're idiots. You're not - never forget that."

"How very sweet," you rolled your eyes playfully at his dramatic words but you knew he was truthful, "a model boyfriend. You're better at this whole thing than you give yourself credit for."

"Yeah yeah," he snorted as he flipped you off, "don't get used to it - or tell anyone. Just for you, Dulzura."

"Don't worry, baby," you shot him a cheeky wink, "our little secret for now."

»»————-　♡　————-««

The door to your apartment was thrown open in anger as you stumbled in, trying to contain your tears of anger. Stumbling over your own feet, you kicked off your heels and cursed them before slamming the door shut and locking it. You weren’t drunk, nowhere near drunk to be honest, but gods did you wish you were. Anything to get the persistent thought of him out of your mind.

He was the one that fucking cheated, and yet here you were, the one that was suffering. All while he seemed to be having the time of his life.

A heavy sigh escaped past chapped lips as you dragged yourself to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of beer. One look at the label caused you to audibly groan - even it had to remind you of him. It was his favorite kind, left over from one of the many times he’d brought take out and beer over for an easy dinner after a long day.

Throwing it into the sink, the bottle shattered and the golden liquid rushed down the drain as you only cried harder. Fuck, fuck, fuck. You shouldn’t still care this much. But that was the root of the problem - you did care. Because you’d loved him, fully and completely and thought he loved you too. A silly, foolish thought.

Dragging yourself to the couch, you flopped onto your back and covered your wet eyes with the back of your arm as you tried to calm yourself. But it only worked momentarily as you remembered all the times you’d been with him on this couch.

How he’d pull you into his lap, and kiss you until you were both breathless. How he’d fuck you after a long hard day, coming in to find you ready and waiting for him. How he’d lay down and watch television with you next to him, a messy tangle of limbs and lips.

How he’d said I love you for the first time on this very couch.

»»————-　♡　————-««

“Javi,” your moan was like the sweetest music in his ear as he leaned down to pepper kisses along your neck and jaw. Your arms wrapped around him like a vice grip as you held his body close to yours while he thrusted into you, “right there, please. Yes.”

"I've got you, baby," he whispered as he dragged his tongue along your collarbone, continuing to meet the roll of your hips with slow thrusts, "you feel so fucking perfect."

"Right there," your eyes squeezed shut as your toes started to curl and your vision became hazy. That familiar warmth of your release washed over your whole body, "Javier."

"Fuck, Dulzura," he dropped his head and rested it in the crook of your shoulder as he felt your walls tighten around him. He moaned in your ear, low and sultry, as your huffed him to your body, "I- fuck - I love you."

And just like that it felt your whole world suddenly stopped. Your eyes snapped wide open as you tried to figure out if what you thought he said was actually said or if it was made up in your mind. But as you met his dark eyes, there was a nervous, panicked look in them. Clearly he hadn't meant to say them out loud.

"Javier?" you reached up and touched his cheek before gently brushing away a stray lock of hair. He keened into your touch as it was enough to push him over the edge and he spilled inside of you. He all but collapsed on you, suddenly boneless, the magnitude of his words not lost on him, "did you mean it? I-I don't want to hear it unless you mean it."

And then it was silent for a few moments as you tried to catch your breath.

"Yes," he finally broke the tension and slowly lifted off you. Pulling out in one fluid motion, he sat back on the couch and pulled you into his lap, "I fucking mean it. I've never said it like this before to anyone, but fuck if I don't mean it."

"Javier,” you leaned and crashed your lips against, hungry and wanting, just as needy as before he fucked you senseless. It was messy and hard, both of you fighting for dominance as his large hand found the back of your neck and he held you close to him, “you’re an asshole. But I love you too.”

“Dulzura,” his hands found your bum as he gave it a firm a squeeze and caused you to grind against him, causing him to moan into your mouth, “fuck me.”

“I plan on it,” you whispered with a smirk on your face as he practically melted into your touch.

»»————-　♡　————-««

You slid off the couch in a fit of your own tears and choked back sobs. How could you fall for such a lie; you felt so stupid, so dumb, so used. You worked for the fucking CIA, you should have been able to spot a lie from a mile away. But this one, the one right in front of your face, whispered to you during an intimate and sacred moment, had blindsided you and played you for a fool.

Javier Peña was a fucking liar. He did it for a living half the time; why should this have been any different? Apparently they weren’t. You were just another way for Javier to have control over something and get his pent up anger and energy.

He had moved on, so easily, so effortlessly, all while you were here, falling apart. You’d never let someone in like this before, had never opened up to someone so fully and completely.

This was a prime example of why you didn’t.

You pulled yourself up from the floor and wiped at your teary eyes and snotty nose and dragged yourself to the bedroom.

»»————-　♡　————-««

“What are you thinking about, Dulzura?” his voice was still thick with sleep as he draped an arm around your waist and pulled you against his chest. You made a small sound of delighted surprise, but your eyes were still firmly closed. It was early still and the dawn’s morning light was just beginning to filter in through your sheer curtains.

“‘M sleeping,” you insisted groggily, barely able to contain your giggles as he pressed kisses to your shoulder.

“Bullshit,” he whispered as you huffed in jest. He could always read you like a book; the truth was that you’d been up for some time, eyes closed as a million thoughts ran through your mind, “you’re much too quiet to be asleep.”

“You realize what you’ve said is an oxymoron, right?”

“When applied to normal people yes, but with you - no,” he called out completely and you slowly turned around so you were facing him. He was right - you tended to make some sort of noises or sounds as you slept. The fact that it was dead silent was a giveaway, “dime, Cariño.”

“It’s nothing important, Javi,” you insisted as you rested your head next to his on the soft pillow. He sighed dramatically as he traced aimless shapes into your back, his fingers surprisingly soft and warm, “in the chaos that are our lives, it’s absolutely trivial and silly.”

“I like trivial and silly - I like you,” he insisted as his soft brown eyes studied yours, “out with it, or it’ll kill me all day, baby.”

“I was just thinking about this,” you pointed to his body and yours, “us. What are we doing? What’ll happen to us when all of this is over and we can be...normal?”

“What do you want to happen?”

“I asked you first, asshole,” you laughed as he kissed your forehead, “I like this - us - but if this is all that there’s ever going to be, I kind of want to know that too.”

“What do you want?” he asked, suddenly adopting a serious, “do you want this? If you want this...I want this too.”

“Javier,” reaching up slowly, you placed a gentle hand on his cheek as you watched him for a few moments before placing a chaste kiss to his plush lips, “I want this...I want you. I’m all in.”

“I know it probably doesn’t seem like much, but you have me,” he promised, and you could feel yourself practically melting into him, “that much you never have to question.”

“I love you,” you whispered before closing your eyes and let him pull against him as you left call you back, “I mean it, Javier. I didn’t think I ever would love anyone, especially not you, but it’s true.”

“I love you too, Dulzura.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

It was all a fucking lie. Your chest rose and fell in anger as you grabbed the few pictures you had of yourself and Javier off of your dresser and smashed them onto the floor. The bed sheets were next, including the pillows that seemed to be doomed to smell like him for all eternity. Everything went into an angry messy pillow on the floor as you trembled with anger and upset exhaustion.

“Oh god,” you whispered in a choked sob to yourself as you buried your face in your hands. How could it hurt this fucking much? All because of one man.

Because you loved him so fucking much it made your heart physically ache. Because you loved him with every fiber of your being, Because you had loved him fully and fallen for every single pretty little word he offered you. Because you loved him completely and he had just dumped you as soon as you were no longer shiny and new. As soon as someone else caught his eye.

How easy it had been for him. All the while you had been an oblivious fool.

»»————-　♡　————-««

“I’m going to go and start laundry,” the basket under your arm was full with a combination of your clothes. Javier had been spending more and more time at your apartment, almost like he lived there. And it was all terribly natural; a domestic bliss that effortlessly fell into place.

“Need a hand?” Javier was busy in the kitchen making dinner for the two of you. There was finally some down time and you’d collectively decided to have a lazy, quiet weekend in.

“I got it,” you promised as you opened the door to head to the laundry, “be back in a few.”

He made a small sound of acknowledgment as you left. You hummed to yourself as you walked down the stairs and into the deserted open, grabbing the first washer you saw. Pulling out the clothes one by one, you placed them in, but confusion quickly hit you. Javier’s work shirts had a...different smell to them. Frowning, you brought the pink button up to your nose and took a good whiff. Immediately, your heart started to pound in your chest as you realized that it most definitely wasn’t your perfume or his aftershave on it.

Quickly tossing the offending article into the washer, you grabbed another shirt and smelled it again, only to find the same thing. That’s when you realized - those were both shirts he had been wearing on the nights he’d come home extremely late, long after you’d been in bed.

A sense of dread and doom washed over you like a tidal wave as you abandoned everything and ran up the stairs to your apartment. You burst through the door and Javier jumped at the intrusion as he looked at you with a surprised look on his face, “is everything okay?”

“I don’t know, Javier,” there was a shake to your voice as you closed the door behind you and looked him dead in the eyes, refusing to look away, “tell me - is everything okay?”

“Dulzura-”

“Your shirts,” your voice cracked as you realized you were about to hear the inevitable. You felt like you already knew the truth, but hearing it from his own mouth was what you needed, “they don’t smell like you...o-o-or me. What happened to your shirts, Javier? And you don’t lie to me. Don’t you dare fucking lie to me.”

“If you have to ask, then you already know,” how easily he steeled himself as he set his spoon on the stove and turned off the pot. No emotion crossed his face as he started back at you with a neutral mask; Agent Pena was in full force, “look, dul - what do you want me to say?”

“Something? Anything?” tears had already pearled up and cascaded down your cheeks as you started at him in awe, “tell me you didn’t fucking cheat on me and you’re being this causal about this.”

“Then I won’t say it,” he whispered as he took a step closer, “because you already know.”

“You’re not even going to try and defend your actions?” you felt like this must have been some sort of hysterical joke at your expense. Everything was crumbling down around you and he didn’t even seem to care, “Javier, I love you - I’m….I’m in love with you. Y-you told me you loved me too...that you wanted this.”

“For someone that works for the CIA you're not very observant sometimes,” he shook his head as he took a long breath in and out, “look...I’m not going to try and defend my actions or lie to you. I needed the information you could provide to me so I could get a leg up on your little department. This is a messy game, chiquita, a messy game where you can’t trust anyone and you need to watch your every move. In this game, you win or you die, there’s no other way to look at it. You gave me what I needed, so I gave you what you needed.”

“A lie,” your mind was reeling as you tried to make sense of it all and his words crashed around your ears. None of this was ever real….it was all a lie, a horrid, painful lie. At your expense, “it never meant anything to you.”

“I care about you,” he insisted as you scoffed between your sobs, “and I do want to keep you safe. I just...you had more insight than I could have imagined. It was a good thing while it lasted, right? Why look at this as more than it was?”

“Because I love you!” you shouted at him, “because this was real to me! Because I imagined a life and a future with you. How could you do this? You could have just been honest with me…”

“We both know that never would have worked,” he laughed bitterly, “but think of all the good times, they were real at the time, weren’t they? You were happy…”

“While living a lie,” you reminded him, “it was never real. You never...you never loved me. I should have known that none of this ever meant anything to you.”

“Listen-”

“When would you have told me the truth?”

“Eventually,” he shrugged as he stared at his feet, “we’re not alloted this type of life, this romantic bullshit - we’re just not. You have to accept and move on.”

“Get out,” you couldn’t believe that every good thing in your life for the past year had been a lie. Who else had known? Who else was in on it?

“I will keep you safe,” he promised but you weren’t even sure if you could trust that much. When did his lies start and stop?

“I said get out,” you threw open the door and pointed at it for him to leave, “I never want to see you or hear your voice again. If I do, it will be too soon. I loved you, Javier. I really fucking did. I can’t believe I actually pictured a future with you. I can’t believe I thought I meant a goddamn thing to you. Get out and leave and don’t ever come back.”

“I-”

“Get out!” you screamed as you rushed down the hall to your bedroom and slammed the door closed. You collapsed onto the floor into a fitful, sobbing rage. You heard him igh heavily a few times before the sounds of his retreating footsteps reached your ears and he left, closing the door gently behind him.

You felt like a fucking fool. Used and hurt and worst of - heartbroken.

»»————-　♡　————-««

Examining the mess on your floor, you gave it a good kick before leaving the room and your apartment all together. You quickly ran outside and down the few blocks to Javier’s apartment, clutching at the spare key in your pocket.

You could see that his lights were off, and he likely wouldn’t be home for sometime. You jogged up the stairs and let yourself into his place, sighing at the familiarity of it all.

It looked exactly like it had the last time you’d been there. Pictures of the two of you were strewn through and you still found your clothes hanging in his closet.

Just like you had done at your own place, you smashed each picture on the floor, making sure it was all utterly destroyed. Your clothes were ripped to shreds and joined the glass rubble. It was probably wrong, probably too childish, but in the moment you didn’t care. Your entire love, your entire future had all been a lie.

When you were satisfied with your handiwork, you threw the key on top of the pile and walked out, not even bothering to slam the door. You walked back home slowly, soaking in the sights and sounds of the city at night. It was calming - grounding even - usually. But tonight it failed completely. All you could focus on was your ragged breathing and the blood pounding in your ears.

It all served as a singular reminder.

You were stupid, foolish, and dumb. And now - bitter.

»»————-　♡　————-««

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#javier peña #javier peña x reader #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #javier pena #javier pena x reader #javier pena x you #fem!reader #narcos

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zemodaddy · 4 years ago

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Hey so i finally completed the first chapter of the zemo x reader fanfic. Make sure to read the authors note at the end and i hope you enjoy.!

Synopsis:

Y/n is an ex-avenger who, after the blip was forced to work for the US government. You trained to be an assassin/spy and your gifts of wielding flames made you invaluable. When you were assigned to follow Bucky you find him helping Helmut Zemo escape from his prison cell. What is he up to? Should you stop him?

Warnings: violence, lots of swearing, angst, fluff and in later chapters extreme acts of hatred towards John Walker :)

Shades of Him

They replaced him. They replaced him with a random guy and stuck Steve’s shield on him. You were staring at the TV in disbelief. You thought of Steve like a brother and he definitely wouldn’t have wanted this.

After the blip you had no job, the avengers pretty much all separated and that left you without anything to do, and that meant no income and no income meant no home or food. You couldn’t exactly find a normal job because most people were afraid of you. A trained assassin and spy who could wield flames wasn’t really considered normal. That left you with no choice but to accept the deal the US government offered you. Do their dirty work and you wont end up homeless.

Your newest mission was to track Bucky to make sure he followed the rules set upon him for his pardon. You are close to him, like you were close to Steve. Hiding the fact that you were following him everywhere he went was kind of hard but you managed. You had to manage.

So finding him and Sam visiting a German prison kind of surprised you. Had this got to do with his therapy? Surely not. They left around an hour later and from then nothing more suspicious happened. A quick google search and a deep dive into some public records showed that a high security prisoner resided at this prison. Not just anyone. Zemo.

Interesting you thought. Later that night you followed Bucky and Sam to an old garage. You waited outside for 5 minutes before entering, trying to keep to the shadows of the room. The two men seemed to be in the midst of a heated discussion. “You want Zemo to help us?” Sam looks exasperated. Bucky looks a bit apprehensive as he says “Look let me walk you through a hypothetical, can I do that?” He begins to explain an elaborate escape plan for Zemo. Your mind was wizzing with thoughts as you tried to figure out your next move. He really isn’t in the right headspace, same old Bucky, you roll your eyes. “What are you guys doing?” You step out of the darkness. The two seemed to jump out of their skin, clearly not expecting you to be there.

“Y/n? What are you doing here?” Bucky asks. They both looked so shocked by your sudden appearance that you had to suppress a laugh. “I was following you.” He doesn’t look happy. “YOU WERE FOLLOWING ME?” He raises his voice. You weren’t scared because you knew he loved you really. Keeping the same tone as him you shout back “YES AND YOU’RE HELPING A CRIMINAL” “I SAID HYPOTHETICALLY DIDN’T I”. Sam looks like he could start laughing any moment. You weren’t even sure if you should laugh or arrest them. Suddenly your phone buzzes. “Then please explain to me why I just got a message saying that ZEMO HAS ESCAPED FROM PRISON?” Sam looks mad now. “You’re kidding me Bucky” he says. “Look we don’t have any other leads, we were at a dead end.”

You knew that the two were looking for information on the new super soldiers serum. “He blew up the UN, he killed king T’Chaka!” Before Bucky could reply to Sams argument, the sound of a door shutting sounds through the garage and guess who walks in. Helmut fucking Zemo. Your hand flies immediately to the dagger on the side of your thigh. “Woah woah woah” Sam starts walking towards him as Bucky tries to hold him back. Too bad he didn’t see you slip past them and push Zemo against the wall with said dagger against his throat. “Your going back to prison” you pass him a sickly sweet smile. He looked surprised by you holding him against that wall but didn’t fight back. Not with the blade in your hand starting to heat up against his skin. “y/n let him go” Bucky looks frustrated.

“He can lead us closer to the serum, just let him breath for a second” Zemo did start to look a little breathless. Good, he should be scared of you. Reluctantly you let him go. He starts to talk “if I may”. At the same time the three of you go “NO”. He looked a little displeased by the response but didn’t have any other option but to oblige. “Apologies”. After further debating and a lot of disagreements you and Sam finally agree to trust Zemo.. for the time being anyways. “Alright Zemo, where do we start”

You mentally set a reminder to always have an eye on Zemo, how could you not with a guy like him. He seemed to be sending you anxious glances in return, which to be fair you did nearly choke him to death. He leads you to a large warehouse containing numerous cars of different ages, sizes and colours. Probably stolen you think. After grabbing a case full with clothes for zemo you all head to an airstrip. In the middle of which was a private jet. You look at it in awe. “So you were rich all this time?” Sam asks. “I’m a baron Sam, my family was royalty before your friends destroyed my country”. Shit. Those cars weren’t stolen then..

The mention of his country makes you think back to that battle against ultron. You were very tempted to leave the avengers after nearly wiping out the entirety of a population of a country. But they convinced you to stay, where else could you have gone anyway? You think a little longer about the aftermath, when you helped after the battle with the injured, and loved ones finding their dead. It was one of the saddest moment of your life, until the blip. No one else helped from the avengers, they didn’t even visit the memorial..

“Y/n you coming?” Sam was saying from the top of the stairs. Lost in thought you were stood in front of the plane. Maybe I should stop getting distracted you thought. Entering the jet the seats on the right were already occupied by Sam and Bucky, leaving the only other seat opposite Zemo free. Great. As a gentle reminder you check your dagger on your thigh, almost like a warning that if he tries anything he’ll know what’s coming. Zemo swallows looking where it would be and ask his butler person for a drink. Was that his butler or the pilot? Rich people problems you thought. The plane sets off and you look out of the window daydreaming a little.

The other three talk lightly until the mention of Buckys list, which ends in zemo being choked yet again. You smile a little, enjoying the mini acts of revenge for the people he’s hurt and killed. You feel a bit sleepy but then they start to discuss where you were going. “Do we want to live in a world full of people like the red skull” Zemo shakes his head lightly “that’s why we’re going to Madripoor”. Confused, Bucky explains the place’s history in the Indonesian archipelago. “It’s kept its lawless ways but we cannot go in as our selves” Zemo says. Uh oh that can’t be good.

You were right. Zemo had handed you a bag full of clothes and a pair of heels. You stared at yourself in the full length mirror that resided in the toilets. “You have got to be kidding me” you say aloud. Your were wearing a dark purple silky dress that reached only just halfway down your thigh. It exposed most of your arms, shoulders and a lot of your chest. Thankfully there was a black leather jacket in the bag too, however on the shoulders sat a blanket of fur, similarly to Zemos coat that he took from the warehouse. Your heels were also purple. You thank the lord you took the time to train in heels too because you never know when the situation arises when you happen to find yourself in those monstrous shoes.

“This” you point at yourself “is not happening”. “Ah my baroness has arrived” Zemo says, amusement glinting in his eyes. You glared at the word ‘baroness’. “Here put this on darling, to finish it off”. He holds what seems to be a lipstick in his hand. You already knew what shade it was before taking it from him. “Do you have some thing for purple or is that just me?” Sam and Bucky both laughed.

You had to admit, the dress didn’t look bad, in fact it looked expensive. To say you were uncomfortable was an understatement, not necessarily for what you were wearing, but for the hand now draped around your waist. Zemos hand. He said that no matter what, you couldn’t break character. Bucky was playing the role as the winter soldier; you felt bad for him, the memories this must bring up. You can’t even begin to imagine. Sam however, wore an extravagant and abstract red suit that kind of looked like a dress. It was funny to see his reaction to which he comments that he looked like a “pimp”.

A car pulls up beside you and you all pile in. Of course you were sat next to zemo in the back. After around five minutes you arrive in lowtown. A place where you could apparently find a gall called Selby. That hand snaked back around you as you intermingle with the crowded streets. The high density of the crowd forced you even closer to Zemos side leaving practically no space between you now. You could feel his warm body against yours, sending a shiver down your spine. He looks down on you. His eyes seem to be softer now than they were before and he gives you a quick kiss on the temple as if to reassure you that you’re safe. You tried to keep yourself from shaking him off of you but as you carried on walking, you got used to him a bit more. Sam and Bucky followed the two of you, both with grim faces.

Finally, you come to a bar, most people around you watching carefully as you all enter. Zemo orders the both of you a shot and Sam gets his usual. This turned out to be something containing whatever the barman cutout of a snake. The sight of it made your stomach drop, and to your astonishment, Sam actually drank it. He looked like he wanted to be sick but, no matter what he had to stay in character. Bucky gave a slight nod, he didn’t get a drink, not as the winter soldier.

You had let it be known of who you wanted to see and as you waited a man came up behind Zemo and you. He immediately guided you away from this man so he was in front of you and Zemo in front of the man. He knew you could hold your own, you had made that clear already, but he wanted to protect you. For the act of course. “You ain’t welcome here” the man stated, placing a hand roughly on zemos shoulder as he turned to face him. “I have no business with the powerbroker, but if he insists he can either talk to me” Zemo points at Bucky. His hand then slipped to yours, holding it tightly. “Or bring Selby for a chat”. The man looks displeased and walks away. You had many things you wanted to say to Zemo at this moment, but sticking to your character was more important. As he continued to grip your hand, other men started to menacingly prowl towards you all. Zemo gave Bucky the order to attack and so he did. A fight quickly broke out between them all but Bucky was far too strong for them all. This ended in Bucky holding one of the guys that remained standing against the bar table. Finally someone called to say selby was ready to see your group. This was going to be interesting.

Notes

Okay i left this on a little bit of a cliffhanger but the next chapter should be out in a day or so. This is my first fanfic i have published so I’m interested to see what everyone thinks. If there’s any spelling or grammar mistakes then umm you didn’t see anything. I hope you enjoyed!

@killsandthrills @aisling1985 @booklover2929 @arianalilyblack @your-pixels-are-showing @kenna-1904

#mcu #helmut zemo #sugar daddy zemo #baron zemo x you #baron zemo x reader #helmut zemo x reader #baron zemo #daniel brühl #marvel #tfatws

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storiesforallfandoms · 4 years ago

Text

pushing buttons ~ eminem

word count: 1912

request?: yes!

@thatonegirlthatlikesthings “Hi me again I literally love your writing so much omg I was wondering if you could once again indulge my Eminem obsession cuz my baby don’t get enough love🥺🥺 I was thinking like a angst/fluff where MGK tries to hit on the reader even though he’s with Meg Fox now and Em loses it and dr Dre and Paul try to call him down but it doesn’t really work and the reader has to chill him out. I love you I love your writing and I love you bye!🥰☺️❤️❤️”

description: in which his enemy tries to push his buttons by flirting with his girl

pairing: eminem x female!reader

warning: swearing

masterlist

“What the fuck is that prick doing here?”

Marshall glared at the tall blonde standing across the room with his arm around a familiar actress. It was the night of his launch party for his new album, and he thought it was just supposed to be personal friends of his as well as his friends from the industry. However, a few others from the industry had arrived as well, including the infamous Machine Gun Kelly.

“Paul invited him,” Marshall’s girlfriend, (Y/N) responded. “Said you two should try and squash the beef. Fans are getting tired of it.”

“Squashing the beef and becoming friends with the enemy are two totally different things,” Marshall hissed.

“You don’t have to be friends,” (Y/N) told him. “Just...shake his hand, look friendly for the pictures, end the beef.”

Marshall rolled his eyes as (Y/N) wrapped an arm around his waist and gave him a slight squeeze. “I know, I tried to tell Paul he should run this past you first. But him and MGK’s manager think it’s best for both of you to end the beef. He wants to move on with his new punk pop genre, you should move on too considering the fact that you absolutely destroyed him.”

She lowered her voice to a whisper for that last part, causing Marshall to smirk.

“This is gonna push me to drink,” he muttered as he noticed Kells approaching him.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” (Y/N) hissed. “If you break your sobriety, I will be your worst nightmare.”

Marshall smiled at her before dropping it to glare at Kells.

“Hey man,” Kells started. “Listen, thanks for the invitation. I know things have been rocky between us, but I hope you know I never meant any harm by my tweet about Hailie, and I still view you as a massive inspiration to me. I just thought...maybe I’d get more recognition with the diss, and it worked. It just sort of fucked up my rap career in the process.”

(Y/N) gave Marshall a quick look before sipping on the drink she had in her hand. They were both shocked by such a mature response from Kells, especially after the stuff Kells said about Marshall following the drop of Not Alike and Killshot.

She was watching her boyfriend expectantly as he processed what had been said to him. He glanced back at (Y/N) finally before saying, “No hard feelings, man. Tensions ran high, we both said some shit, I think it’s time we get past it.”

Kells smiled and offered a hand to Marshall. Although reluctant at first, Marshall took it and shook his hand. Kells soon left and went back to his girlfriend, knowing not to overstay his welcome.

“Was that so hard?” (Y/N) asked. “At least he’s being mature about it, too.”

“A little too mature,” Marshall said.

“Stop it, you just don’t like him. Let’s get a non-alcoholic beverage.”

~~~~~~

As the night continued, Marshall was pulled from (Y/N) as people kept coming and congratulating him on the album. She wasn’t too shocked, it was a normal occurrence. Luckily enough, she had come to know most of the people at the party through Marshall, so it wasn’t like she was awkwardly standing around for any amount of time.

She was at the snack table when a tall stature came to stand next to her.

“You lost your boyfriend, huh?’

(Y/N) looked up to see Kells stood next to her, a friendly smile on her face.

Despite the feud between the two, (Y/N) never had any sort of opinion on Kells. She hadn’t listened to his music - besides that one song with Camilla Cabello that blew up - and she didn’t want to form an opinion based on a beef she wasn’t even a part of. So, him standing next to her didn’t make her as angry as it had made Marshall earlier. Instead, she smiled back at him.

“Yeah,” she said. “Nothing new of course. Everyone congratulating him on the album and whatnot.”

“Seems like a lot of people just trying to kiss his ass.”

(Y/N) shrugged. “That may be true in some cases. Most of the people here who have already worked with him and known him for so long know better against that. Maybe it’s because they’ve already worked with him though, who knows. Where’s Megan?”

Kells gestured aimlessly into the crowd. “Also pulled away from me. Talking to...someone I guess.”

He didn’t sound too concerned over it, although maybe it was just the same situation (Y/N) was in. Megan was pretty popular as an actress, this was probably nothing new for Kells either.

“So, how did you and Em meet?” he asked, offering her one of the two red cups he had in his hand. (Y/N) didn’t think much of it at first. She figured he had probably gotten a drink for Megan then realized he had lost her in the crowd.

“We met through a mutual friend, actually. One from back in Detroit,” she explained. “I knew who Marshall was, obviously, but I was never really a hip hop fan. We got to talking and before I knew it, he was asking me out on a date. We were official within a month, and we’ve been together ever since. That was like...three years ago now, I think.”

She took a sip from the drink Kells had given her and cringed at the strong taste of alcohol in the cup. Noticing this, Kells asked, “Too strong?”

“Just not used to alcohol,” she explained. “I’ve mostly given it up in solidarity with Marshall. I’m proud of his sobriety, even if I’ve only been here for the tail end of it.”

“That’s lame,” Kells scoffed. “The old man shouldn’t hold you back from doing some fun shit.”

The tone of his voice plus the subtle diss caused a slight feeling of annoyance in her, but she pushed it down. Be the bigger person, she had been telling Marshall all night. She couldn’t go against that.

“He’s not holding me back from anything,” she responded. “I chose to do it. I just know it sucks to have to be sober when everyone around you is drunk or high. I want to be that one person he can confide in in those situations, you know?”

“You’re too good for him, man,” Kells said. “For real, you have a heart of gold and the body of a smoke show. You shouldn’t be wasting it all on that fucker. You should be getting with a real man.”

(Y/N) shuffled uncomfortably, now putting her cup down on the snack table. “I’m perfectly happy with Marshall, thank you. Besides, you have a girlfriend. One who is literally at this very party right now.”

He waved off the comment, as if it weren’t a real concern. (Y/N) looked around the room, desperate to find someone she knew who could save her from that situation.

Across the room, Marshall was glaring daggers into the back of Kells’ head. He could see the uncomfortable look on (Y/N)’s face, and saw the drink she had just discarded on the table. He knew something was happening, something he didn’t like.

“Why the fuck did you invite him?” he asked Paul. “Why didn’t you warn me first?”

“It needed to be an authentic meet up to end the beef,” Paul responded. “After tonight you won’t see or hear from him ever again.”

“You bet I won’t, because I’ll have him six feet under the fucking ground if he doesn’t get away from (Y/N).”

Paul looked over at the two. His face grew concerned upon seeing (Y/N)’s. “It can’t be anything too serious. He’s here with Megan, remember?”

“Do you see Megan anywhere around here, Paul?” Marshall asked.

He was so furious you could almost see the cartoon smoke coming from his ears. He was clutching his plastic cup so hard that it would’ve shattered into a million pieces if it was glass. It dropped from his hand suddenly when he saw Kells grab (Y/N)’s waist, trying to pull her closer to him. Both Paul and Dre had to grab him to stop him from going over and beating the shit out of Kells right then and there.

“Calm down, man,” Dre told him.

“He’s fucking touching her, Dre!” Marshall snapped. “She’s obviously uncomfortable, let me go over there and beat the shit out of him!”

“Not here,” Paul said. “Not in front of all these people. Go over and get her - peacefully - then you guys can just leave. This was a stupid idea from me.”

“Really fucking stupid,” Marshall hissed as he pulled away from the two. He tried to keep his anger at bay as he went over and wrapped an arm around (Y/N), effectively pulling her from Kells’ grasp. “Come on, babe, let’s go home.”

“What’s wrong, Marshall? Don’t like another man talking to your girl?” Kells challenged.

“I don’t like other men grabbing my girl when she’s obviously uncomfortable, no,” Marshall responded.

“Sounds a little insecure to me. Maybe you should work on that, man. You’ll be able to keep up with this absolute bombshell when you’re not so over jealous of her.”

Marshall’s grip on (Y/N)’s waist tightened. She tried to calm him down, but it was obvious he was past the point of no return.

“Fuck you,” he snapped. “Man, I don’t know what your fucking problem is, but you’re the one who started all of this shit. Now you’re coming here, to my launch party, trying to flirt with my girl, and now you’re insulting me?! Must be a sad existence you live, Kelly, when you can’t even be happy with your own success. You have to keep trashing on someone else who’s doing much better than you.”

Kells’ cheeks were tinted pink with anger as he glared at the two of them.

“I suggest going to find your girlfriend while you still have one,” (Y/N) told him. “Because I will be telling her about this whole...incident between us.”

Before any other words could be said, Marshall took (Y/N) and guided her out of the building. When they got to the car, he sat in the driver’s seat for just a second, trying to make himself calm down.

“I should go back in there and fucking kill him,” he said, more to himself than to (Y/N).

“No you shouldn’t,” she told him. “He was just trying to push your buttons. He seems very happy with Megan, and there were so many other girls at that party he could’ve flirted with if he just wanted to be a scumbag. He only chose me because he knew it would get to you.”

She reached over and put a hand over one of Marshall’s that was clutching the steering wheel. On contact, he loosened his grip and realized how much his hands hurt from holding the wheel too tightly.

“Whatever his intentions were, they don’t matter,” she assured him. “I love you, Marshall, and only you. No other asshole will ever come in and swoop me away from you.”

He chuckled at her slight insult, their own way of flirting with one another. He leaned across and kissed her gently on the lips before finally starting the car.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

#eminem #eminem imagine #eminem x reader #marshall mathers #marshall mathers imagine #marshall mathers x reader #imagine #one shot #request #fanfiction #fanfic #fandom

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dodo-begone · 3 years ago

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The Kidnapping...

(Aka in a nutshell the Yandere boys kidnap reader)

They adored you. They befriended you. They payed attention to you. All for one very important reason. They loved you. And they were quite sure you felt the same for each of them. However. There was no good way of keeping the thing they loved safe and hidden from everyone else. Something so good could be snatched away right from their finger tips. They couldn’t let that happen. Not to you. So they created a plan. A plan to keep you safe. More precisely, a plan to kidnap you.

After sometime they realized their feelings for you. The four sat down to talk about their feelings for you. Tommy confessed first, stating that he should have the reader for himself, followed by Tubbo barking back that reader and him were closer then Tommy and reader ever were. Ranboo jumped into the fight stating that Tommy was just being a selfish child and that Tubbo was just as immature as him. Purpled knew this was a battle he had to fight in too. “I should have (y/n) for myself! They actually notice me and make me feel seen!” Purpled said. “Your just desperate for attention from someone Purpled! You’re always just giving them crap to make reader like you!” Tommy shouted at Purpled. Before they knew it the argument turned violent with Purpled trying to stab the shit out of Tommy. Just as Purpled backed Tommy into a corner ready to plunge his dagger into Tommy’s throat, Ranboo yelled “Wait! W-What if we s-shared them?” Purpled turned his head to Ranboo so fast it could give him a whiplash. Everyone in the room went silent at his comment. “That could work.” Tubbo agreed. “Fine I guess I can work with this.” Tommy grumbled. Purpled gave a silent nod signifying he agreed. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief after Purpled put his dagger into his hoodie pocket.

They finally all agreed to share you. It was better this way. This way no ones feelings were trampled on and together they’d have a better chance of keeping you safe. The next day they confessed their (platonic) love for reader. They wanted to keep you for themselves forever safe forever! After all you guys are such good friends. They could make sure you’re taken care of. You’ll have everything you could ever want. Just please stay with them. If you say yes? Great! You get to move into your new forever home with them. They’ll cut you off from the rest of the server. If anyone asks about you or tries to search the forever home? They’ll get a nice wack to the head from Purpled and wake up outside their base or home unaware of what just happened or how they ended back up here. If you want to leave, they’ll guilt trip you into staying with them. This is your home now. And they’re your best friends! Don’t you love them? Why would you ever want to leave? “Are you tired of me (y/n)? Is that what it is?” Tommy said. “Please don’t leave me alone (y/n)! You don’t hate me do you? Oh thank goodness your willing to listen, come over here and we can have a nice cuddle session! No need to focus on the outside world!” Tubbo said. “What if I forget you (y/n)? I could never forgive myself if I did (y/n). Do you want that?” Ranboo said. “You could get hurt if you leave here! Please just stay by my side and I’ll keep you safe (y/n). I won’t let a single person lay a finger on my best friend.” Purpled said. Eventually after cuddles, gifts, and kind words from the strange teenage boys. Your content (or you think your content) with living here. You’re stuck either way.

If you say no? Fine. They’ll do things the hard way. Over the next few days you’ll start to notice foot steps behind you, more random noises in your house then usual, and wherever you go somewhere you feel rather unsafe. Eventually you reach your breaking point when you come home one night to find your house’s door wide open and your kitchen window smashed. You take off in a random direction with tears streaming down your face. As your running into the distance you bump into someone. In the dark you can’t quite see who it is but whoever it was offered to take you back to their base to calm you down. As you reach their home you start to see the lights of the forever home in the distance. Entering the forever home, you finally realize who your savior is. Not only did you have one savior, you had two. Ranboo and Purpled. You didn’t care it was them in the moment. You felt to scared to be in your home alone in the moment. “Oh you poor thing! You’re shaking! Here have some tea to warm up.” Tubbo said as he handed you a cup of tea while you sat in their living room shaking like a leaf. After drinking away the entire cup of tea you started to feel tired. You didn’t feel calm or scared. You felt numb, like the world was slipping out of your grasp. The last thing you remembered before you blacked out was being picked up by Tommy and being placed somewhere warm.

You’re their beloved best friend. They could never let you go. Even if you try to escape or scream how much you hate them. That won’t change anything. They just think your tired and cranky. So they’ll take you to bed for naps and cuddles instead. But honestly living with them isn’t so bad. Besides any teenage boy habits and random little things they might do that seem a little strange. They don’t try to hurt or punish you. They’re usually just overly sweet and soft towards you. When ever the boys talk to anyone in the outside world they’re usually more loud and obnoxious towards everyone. But to you, they’re as soft as cotton candy. Days could be spent with doing small to large tasks with them in the home. Or just enjoying movies together that turn into late night cuddles. Cuddle piles are the best! They don’t exactly know how to cook, but they’ll often try to cook meals for you which turn out rather interesting. Their favorite part about the process is when you compliment their food. Any compliment you give the four boys will send them over the moon. Often times they’ll try to 1-up each other all the time to see who can get the reader’s appraise over the others. It’s really cute what they’re willing to do for you.

After some time with the yan boys, you’ll start to love their company just as much they love yours. Days where they’re busy become incredibly lonely and dull in the home. So because of this reader would make small gifts for the boys while they were out. Like little flower crowns out of the flowers they brought home for you yesterday. Or writing little letters telling them how much they mean to you. Or just trying to make them some food for when they come home to you. Just little things to make them happy. When they find these things, they’re more then happy. They’re overjoyed! The fact you’d do this for them proves you think about them even when they’re not there! They couldn’t be happier! They’d wear or use anything you give them with pride. One day Purpled decided to wear a flower crown the reader made. Turns out the same day he was going to train with Punz. “So Purpled, what’s up with the flower crown? It’s not usually your sty-“ “Shh! More training less talking!” Purpled would say while dragging a confused Punz by his hood.

Although things weren’t all calm. People already suspected the boys kidnapping reader beforehand due to how they had already made such attempts in the past. We already knew that if someone made an attempt to search the home they’d be put to a stop by one of the boys. But what if none of the boys were home? Uh oh. Say if one of the caretakers of the smp(Puffy, Philza, or Sam) came to the home in another search of reader. And found them inside the house. We’d be in trouble. All I can imagine is the reader kicking or screaming to be released back home. And the the caretaker would just be like: “but we are going home? What’s the problem?” I can just see the reader being sad cause they miss the boys and know the boys miss them.

As soon as the yan boys find their bestie has been taken away. Panic. It’s panic mode baby. The four gear up in full netherite and grab any weapons necessary. Along with an extra set of netherite for reader. Tommy and Purpled scout outside. While Tubbo and Ranboo stay at the forever home just in case you come home. At a certain point while Tommy and Purpled were searching, they heard from Niki that she’d seen reader with Puffy. Tommy and Purpled were overjoyed and quickly ran back to the forever home to alert Tubbo and Ranboo of their discovery. They decided on ambush. They went to Puffy’s base ready to ambush but were completely unaware that Sam and Phil were currently taking care of reader with Puffy. So this ‘ambush’ went less then pleasant. The four went into the water stream that went down into Puffy’s underground base. Phil was about to go upstream to grab some more medicine from his base only to be greeted with four angry teens ready to tear the place down just to find reader. Phil knew exactly why they were there based on how reader had been ranting on and on about how they were going to come and save them or something. Tommy and Tubbo tried to hold off Phil as Purpled and Ranboo searched for reader. It wasn’t hard to find reader at all. Sam and Puffy were just keeping reader restrained in a small makeshift room in the west wing. Purpled and Ranboo saw Puffy and Sam by reader’s side trying to convince them they were safe and the boys wouldn’t find them here only for them to quickly stand up pulling out weapons ready to defend reader. Purpled being more experienced in combat than Ranboo instructed he help reader while he took on Puffy and Sam. 2 against one wasn’t easy due to the fact that Puffy and Sam were strong fighters too. However Ranboo was quick to follow orders. Ranboo in a hurry took off reader’s restraints and handed them a full set of netherite armor. Both hurried to assist the now cornered Purpled. Reader took a running start launching themselves onto Puffy. Due to the unexpected weight, Puffy went tumbling down knocking Sam down with her in the process. With reader now saved, the three ran out into main area of the under ground base to find Tommy and Tubbo still battling with the Angel of Death. Tommy and Tubbo noticed Reader and they all headed for the water stream up. Finally after a long day of fighting and searching for reader they had them home safe again. The long day had the five tired. They all laid down near the fireplace for some late night cuddles.

Yay! Good list/story? I don’t know. This kinda turned into a strange story at the end lol. I hope you liked this either way. This was just something I made while being sick. So your welcome I guess Dodo :D Apparently I wasn’t done with kidnapping head cannons after that one alien-purpled thing. Either way. Good day. -Toma can anon 🥫

————————————

First off, Toma I’m so sorry that I took ages to answer this. Second off- FUCKING POP OFF MAN THIS WAS SO FUCKING GOOD HOLY SHIT. I McLove it.

Okay so I won’t be writing too much of a commentary on this- I want ppl to enjoy this masterpiece in their own plus anxiety but let’s not talk about that. Anyways beyond the cut is my commentary- so tw for jokes and all of the stuff from above.

KSJDJDJD PURPLED PULLED THE QUIET KID MOVE- lmao Purpled the Quiet Kid tm. It just reminds me of that one fucking meme: “I wanna kill you and destroy you. I want you died. #scene #anger #fuck #die #hatred”.

Can we just mention that the bonking ppl on the head and them appearing at their homes confused and shit is literally just the despawn system in mc. Like right on par- that’s the literal version of it and that’s how I’m seeing it and I’m fucking cackling at the idea of it-

OKAY LEMMIE GET ANGSTY!!! WHAT IF- What if, when the boys start getting so busy that you practically don’t see them anymore. Eventually you leave to either find them or just leave the house (for company or freedom). You feel that they don’t like you anymore. That you were just a bother. No wonder they haven’t come back. The withering alium flower crown in your hands was a somber reminder of the better times that weren’t so long ago.

#submission #long post #🥫 anon #tw: yandere #tw: kidnapping #c: purpled #c: ranboo #c: tubbo #c: tommy #rambling with dodo

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valhallasubstitute · 3 years ago

Text

Pleasure

Edward x F Reader

The reader teaches Edward a thing or two about pleasure

REQUEST: Can i request a *smut* with Edward from TLK?

Maybe a dane reader that absolute rock his shit like nobody before 😂 she can be Finan Or Sihtric sister maybe?! Thank you!

A/N: Evidently, I don’t think much of the English as lovers lol, I blame my first bf – Tom if you find this, thank you for the inspo. Also, if anyone’s interested in a dom reader then please let me know, I think there’s a real lack and that makes the switch in me v sad

WARNINGS: SMUT 18+. Unprotected sex – it’s the ninth century they have an excuse, you don’t. M!Sub/F!dom undertones, brief female masturbation, male receiving oral

WC: 1654

Tags: @flowers-in-your-hayr @geekandbooknerd @mariaenchanted @solinarimoon

You could honestly say you never expected things to turn out this way.

How many Danes could say they had discussed the boy King’s sex life with him? If you counted yourself then it would be three. Sihtric, your brother, and Uhtred sitting either side of you. Add in the Irishman that started it all, the baby monk and a vaguely uncomfortable looking Lady of Mercia and the number of people looking unimpressed rises to six.

You sat around the fire; ale pouch being passed between you after another successful battle, but your good spirits were beginning to dwindle as you listen to Edward describe his other conquests.

There were more than you had expected, but you supposed his title and pretty face made it hard for young maidens to deny him. You hadn’t denied yourself the pleasure of admiring him either, long blond curls that grazed his broad shoulders, and light blue eyes, usually set in a frown. You found yourself believing his words before battle, letting his passion seep through you as you lost yourself in the sight of him, arm outstretched with a sword in hand, strong thighs gripping the saddle and a ferocity that one might overlook upon first meeting Edward.

It had the foundations of a fantasy that would have kept you warm.

The conversation moved slowly, Edward relaxing and his words becoming freer. You forced yourself back to the present, preparing yourself to hear another depressing confession.

‘The last was a girl from the camp just outside of Lundon. She was wild.’

‘Wild? Now this I can get behind.’ Finan leaned forward, a new sense of interest washing over him as Edward nodded. You had already heard of the ‘daring’ places Edward had fucked, the palace guest room, the stable, and who could forget his royal tent! Wild, you decided, was something Edward had never come across.

‘She took me out to the woods and laid herself bare before me.’ You watched the interest of the group peak, even your brother raised a brow. ‘She started touching herself.’ He motioned to his chest. ‘I’ve never seen a woman so bold. How is a man meant to control himself?’ Uhtred nodded lightly, taking the ale from a grinning Finan. ‘I laid her on the ground and had my way with her.’

Finan’s face fell. ‘That’s what you call wild? Christ have mercy.’

That was when it hit you. It wasn’t that the King was a bad lover necessarily, it was that none of what he had experience had anything to do with pleasure. Not real pleasure.

‘With respect my Lord, none of your exploits deserve the praise in which you speak of them.’

Aethelflaed’s eyes snapped to you as your words settled over the group. You watched as Edward straightened himself, his hands dusting his thighs before he looked at you. The ease was gone from his denier and for the first time that night you felt like you were speaking to the King of Wessex.

‘How so?’ His voice was calm, interest peeking out from behind his pride.

‘What you have described is the way all Saxon men are. You lie a woman on her back, slip inside – she’ll make a few noises, to hurry you up.’ You shrugged sympathetically. ‘Maybe she is feeling particularly generous, or bored, and will wrap her legs around you, pull you deeper so that she might feel something and coo in your ear a sweet encouragement. It’ll last all of five minutes before you’re lying on your back, satisfied, and she’ll tell how good you were before slipping away. Am I wrong, Aethelflaed?’

All eyes snapped to the Lady of Mercia, the way she looked down and the uncharacteristic blush on her cheeks told everyone everything they needed to know.

‘The thing is, Edward, is that you never had sex for pleasure.’ The King opened his mouth, but you kept going, ignoring the baffled looks from Saxons around you. ‘Only for release and they are not the same.’

Finan was the first to agree. ‘I like the way you think Y/N.’

‘Many men do.’ You stood as you spoke, smiling at your friends but staring pointedly at Edward before retiring to your tent.

It was around an hour later when you sense that you were not alone. In just your tunic you glanced at the dagger at your side before addressing the presence.

‘It’s not very kingly to lurk in the shadows, my lord.’

‘Your words have left an impression.’ The candlelight danced on Edwards features, and you almost missed the reservation in his steps for the soft curve of his mouth. You stood, walking towards him slowly, a small smile encouraging him. ‘After you left, I thought about the things you described, and myself in relation to them. You were right and … and I would like to experience it.’

You could sense his nerves despite the way Edward held your gaze, it was unwavering but as you circled him you noted the way his hands fidgeted behind his back.

‘Experience what my king?’ You stopped in front of him, your chest nearly brushing against his.

‘Pleasure.’

His lips crashed into yours, demanding but soft. You let yourself melt into it, tasting the ale on his tongue before pulling back completely. You laughed as Edward frowned, as a prince he was spoiled, it was clear to see, but you intended to ruin him as a king.

You lead him to the furs of your bed, telling him to sit with a light push on his chest. His eyes were already trained on you but darkened as you removed your clothing, leaving your body exposed. You took delight in how he didn’t know where to look, his eyes darting from your face to your sex with his bottom lip tugged tightly between his teeth.

You let your hands roam around your body, swaying gently till you palmed at your breast, rolling your nipple between your fingers. Your eyes fixated on the growing strain in Edwards breeches as your other hand travelled south, your index finger slipping between your thighs with a gasp.

‘Y/n…’ The sound of your name on his tongue made your stomach flutter, he sounded demanding.

‘Pleasure is the pleasure of your partner.’ You moaned quietly as you slipped another finger into your heat, keeping the pace steady.

‘Show me.’ He sounded desperate.

You took your fingers from between your thighs and brought them to your lips, smiling as Edwards own lips parted in want. You moved towards him slowly, enjoying the growing sweat forming on his forehead and the way he licked his lips.

He reached for you, but you knelt before him, your hands running up his thighs before you began untying his trousers. He lifted his hips and you focused on ridding him of the fabric before turning your attention to his erection.

It stood proudly before you, the tip red and already leaking precum. You breathed in deeply before pursing your lips and blowing cold air directly onto his member. Edward inhaled deeply, a smile coming to your lips when it jumped in response.

‘You are teasing me.’

‘I am pleasuring you.’ Edward opened his mouth to argue but the words died in his throat. Your lips wrapped around as much of him as you could fit, your hands finding the rest. You bobbed your head once, twice, flattening your tongue as you went down then curling it as you came up. Edward’s left hand bunched in the sheets, grounding himself while his right tangled itself in your hair, his grip creating a delicious burn.

Breathing through your nose you took him as deeply as you could, your throat contracting around him as your vision blurred. The way Edward moaned kept you there for longer than you had any man, quickly finding yourself obsessed with the way his eyes fluttered and his throat bobbed as he tried to hold back the noises. You only stopped when your lungs demanded it.

‘God … Please, Y/n.’

You kissed your way from his balls to his tip, giving it one last lick before kissing up the rest of his body, undoing his shirt as you went. You let your hands roam around the tight muscles of his thighs and abdomen, your tongue following your fingers until you were sat in his lap, your hands tangled in his hair and your lips branding his neck.

‘I want you Y/n.’ You pulled back, lips tingling and bruised, your core brushing against his erection.

‘You want me Edward, but do you desire me?’

‘Yes.’

You smiled at him, the darkness in his eyes and his grip on your hips making you ache. You sunk down on him slowly, enjoying the way he stretched you. You stilled as your hips met his, grinding your clit against his body. The tiny jolts of movement began to pick up speed, Edwards lips discovering the slope of your neck and your hands digging into his shoulders. You wanted it to last forever, to feel the hot ache of him between your legs but you knew he was close. His hips jutted up to meet yours, one of his hands finding its way to your clit as his breath grew heavy in your ear.

His fingers were skilled, rubbing in time to his thrusts while you clawed at his back, your knees beginning to give from beneath you. You came with a call of his name, the tightness in your stomach snapping into white pleasure that washed over your body, wave after wave. Edwards’s pace didn’t slow, and your walls gripped him tightly, convulsing around him until he came with a deep moan. His fingers slowed and both his hands come to rest on your hips. He was smiling.

‘From now on, I think I will always choose pleasure.’

‘A wise choice my lord, I’ll always be happy to comply.’

#tlk fanfic #tlk #The Last Kingdom #tlk Edward #tlk edward x reader #tlk edward smut #tlk edward x reader smut #edward the elder #inga writes

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tokoyamisstuff · 3 years ago

Text

Dark Side Of The Moon Ch. 2 - Dark! Loki x Reader

Chapter 2: “On The Run”

Chapter Summary: Even though you can’t help feeling drawn to the lunatic that looks like your deceased lover, you try to surpress your feelings and flee to find your friends.

Warnings: Loki is fucking crazy, Violence, Torture, Jotun! Loki, Mentions of Death, Abuse, Unhealthy Relationship, Mentions of Rape

Words: 3360

[Story Masterlist]

Masterlist to my other works right ->Here<-

“And the shark, it has tears,

And they run down its face.

But the shark lives in the water -

So the teardrops one can’t see.”

- Rammstein - Haifisch

Taglist: @winterglcw @commonintrest @emmojoy @satansbra @just-someone-who-likes-to-write

“She died through my hands.”

That sentence replayed over and over in your head, forming a continuous loop as you silently formed those words with your own lips.

“It’s not him!” you called out to yourself, since your reason had seemingly disappeared ever since you first saw the person that was a perfect copy of the man you once loved.

You were rolling around on the bare floor, shivering as you softly punched your head to not get lost in thought again. The emperor didn’t even have the basic decency to give you any clothes back, only having the Citauri throw you into an old dungeon to keep you prisoner - or whatever he’d plan to do with you.

That man was so different of your Loki.

And the timeline both of you were currently in had exceeded your worst expectations, making you wonder if fate just wanted to torment you.

In this universe, Thanos never even got so far as to collect all of the Infinity Stones. Loki Laufeyson had won the battle of New York and took over this world, then somehow double-crossed and killed the Titan. So right now, he possessed the power of the Tesseract, as well as the Cascet of Ancient Winters. For what reason he kept that Jotun relic was unknown, probably out of nostalgic sentiment you assumed.

Afterwards, the God of Mischief had killed his brother Thor in bad blood, as well as torturing Natasha - the exact way he threatened her back in your world, when he was in his cell. Clint was still his servant, as it seemed. You had seen him when they took you to his cell.

He couldn’t get rid of all the Avengers, however - even though their current location was unknown. They were in hiding for many years now, probably trying to get their hands on the other Infinity Stones.

Also noticeable was the fact that this universe had neither Hela, nor Captain Marvel - so one good and one bad thing to compensate for each other. Not that they’d be a match for Loki in his current form anyway...

And there was no Dr. Strange on this version of Earth, your last bit hope to escape disappearing as you learned about this fact.

That much was all you had learned by now, mainly through tricking and manipulating some of your guards into giving you information.

All in all, you only knew for sure was that this world’s Loki was a terribly trong, murderous sociopath, intoxicated by power and loneliness.

And you had become the focus of the little emotion left in him.

It was hard trying to surpress all the voices and memory submerging in your mind. So there was nothing left for you except for rolling up into a ball, lying on the cold floor as you prepared to be washed over with sadness and guilt once again.

_____

“Would you help me recieve the greatest honor by becoming mine and mine only, Lady Y/N?”

How could you ever forget this moment?

Back on the Asgardian refugee ship, your Loki had asked you that very question, now popping up in your mind once again.

Every detail was still as bright as daylight, preserved deep into your heart.

You clearly remembered the small, green box he had summoned out of thin air, presenting you a plain but still incredibly beautiful ring. The golden piece of jewlery formed a snake eating itself - a symbol of infinity and wholeness.

It was just his way of being thoughtful.

“I-I prepared this a while go, to be precize...but I never thought of being worthy” he had stammered and you found yourself speechless, admiring that very scene playing in front of your eyes. “A-Anyway, after all that happened, I realized that all moments I spent happy, were when I was with you. I don’t want to lose you again, Y/N! And I feared, well...that it might be too late to ask someday.”

It was most unjust that this most blissful moment would be interrupted by a great rumbling shaking through the whole spaceship - and even before Thor would crash Loki’s proposal, both of you were aware just what kind of danger you would have to face soon:

Thanos.

Your numbers had already been decimated by Ragnarok, all that’s left being some civilian refugees, injured and traumatized. The only ones capable of fighting left were Loki, Thor, Heimdall, you and the Hulk.

Yet all of your struggles were to no avail, only able to watch and scream and bag at the Titan, so he’d at least spare those innocent lives as he mercilessly slaughtered woman and children alike.

“Fucking monster!” Pulling out a gun, your mind went completely blank as you gave it some last, desperate attempt to save or avenge just anyone.

No bullet would even come close enough to pierce his skin, as Ebony Maw would deflect them to hit yourself and people close to you. “I’m not the only one you should see responsible for this outcome” Thanos scoffed.

“What do you mea-” Your voice got swallowed by a pained groan as you saw Loki, kneeling in front of Thanos and revealing the one thing he was after:

The Tesseract.

“You......took it?!?” The only thing managing to escape your throat was a high-pitched yell as Loki’s face contorted in disappointment and regret - just now realizing that he had put you all in danger.

They would’ve never went after you if it wasn’t for him. He had doomed his race, failed you and what was left of his family.

“How could you put us all in danger?! I thought you had changed! You swore it with your life, Loki! That you loved me more than you desired power!”

No answer.

Instead, the god would prepare one of his speeches, directing words of undying fidelity at Thanos and his arms. And even though it was meant to be lies, a play to make the threat feel save, every single word hit your heart like knives.

“How could I ever marry someone like you?!” feeling as if Loki most recent, selfish act was suffocating you, you could only whisper - yet he understood very clearly, the facade dropping in an instant. “I-I hate you...traitor...”

If only you knew that those would be the last words you’d ever direct at him...

Loki materializes a dagger, desperately trying to make up for his biggest mistake yet, and at least save you, the light of his cursed existence, and the only thing he had ever done in his life full of wrongs.

But Thanos looked right through the charade from the very beginning, using the stones to trap Loki in their hold - and then, grabbing the god’s throat.

“You have what you want, Thanos!” Thor tried to bargain, “There’s even less than half of my race left. Please, just let us go!”

“Oh, I will” he spoke stony, then shifting his attention to the god in his hands. “But first, I’ll do you a favor and erase that disgraceful pest all of you were too weak to take care of.”

As he was struggling for air, gasping uncontrollably as he tried to free his neck from the Giant, Loki’s glare wandered to you - and when your eyes met, both of your hearts skipped a beat.

He smiled. In the face of death, the last thing he wanted you to remember was the good things after all.

And seeing the ring on your finger, how couldn’t he? Loki knew you were about to say yes - and knowing this was more than enough for someone like him.

After all, the God of Mischief was used to happiness being taken away from him as soon as he thought it to be okay to open up to someone.

But you were safe. That’s all that counted for him!

It was like his eyes were telling you “It’s gonna be alright. I’m sorry, Y/N...I love you.”

You don’t remember much after that, having a mental breakdown as you had to watch the love of your life perish - and forever thinking about how you had turned him down just seconds before.

A part of you had died with him back then.

_____

The creaking sound of the cell’s door made you jump from your dream - but the person which entered was one you had never seen before.

A monster.

It’s silhouette very much resembled Loki, yet his skin was painted in a dark shade of blue, with thin linings carved across his whole body. He had fangs and even horns coming out of his temple to add at that.

The beast’s eyes were shining in a threatening red, glistering contrastful in the dark hallway. But the worst were those black irises, absent of any form of compassion - there seemed to be only rage, confusion and hate.

“Fuck!” you screamed, terrified and fearing for your life. Shuffling until your back hit the wall of a corner of the room, you defendingly put your arms in front of yourself. “Go away! Don’t to-ouch me!”

Loki cleared his voice as he put the Casket away, not making any efforts to revert his outer appearance back to ‘normal’. He had admired it on his way to your cell, like he’d do many times a day when he was reminiscing about the day he learned about his heritage...

...and how he had killed Odin, his adoptive father, with that very relic, afterwards clearing the universe of that despiseful race of the Jotunn - making him the last of his kind.

“Oh my” a dark voice finally declared, “Seems like ‘your’ Loki never dared to show you his true form. Pathetic.”

No, that wasn’t completely true. Your lover had at least told you back then. But when did you ever have the time to talk things over and heal, being dragged from one fight to another?!

The Jotunn felt great joy as he towered over you, gleefully watching your naked body cowering to his knees, covered in goosebumps and shaking heavily. Your breath was clearly visible while you tried to cover your shame as best as you could, wary glare never leaving the abomination that was just lurking right in front of you.

“Wha- OUCH!” you hissed as the Frost Giant took ahold of your wrist, monitoring the pain spreading across your face as his touch would frostburn any skin he was touching with ease.

Loki grinned menacingly as he let go off of you, admiring his handywork as the first layer of your skin had already died, crumbling away to reveal your pink flesh.

“Oh, how I missed that” he explained, much to your surprise ripping a piece of his own clothing apart to cover the wound with it. “Your kind is so easily broken. It’s always fascinating to watch.”

“Just kill me already, you freak!”

Well, Loki had in fact spent hours after hours thinking about how to handle you, and yet he couldn’t decide. Obviously he would’ve killed you right away if it was otherwise, but he still had a soft spot for you somewhere deep in his heart, after all.

And it upset him more than he’d ever admit. So he tried to assert his dominance, to ease the feeling of weakness and loss of control.

“I’m only doing you a favor, woman.” The god would touch your cheek, making you flinch away - but this time, it wouldn’t hurt. Never would he dare to scar this most beautiful face!

“The man you loved was just the same as me, yet it seemed he wasn’t completely honest with you. What you are seeing right now is the form of a Frost Giant...the monstrosity you chose to love.”

“L-Loki…”

It was no surprise that he saw tears filling the rim of your eyes - yet out of a whim, you pulled your arms around his neck, tears wetting his robe. He gasped, unable to act in any way as he stiffened in the pose.

That was by far not the reaction he had been expecting - and he surprised you as well. You had thought him to instantly shove you away, beat you agaib or even bite - but he just kneeled there, not daring to make a move.

"Why?” Now his voice was much softer, pained even. “I’m a monster. I hurt you. So why?”

“I’m so sorry” you whimpered, words being interrupted by heavy sobbing. “I try to fight it, I really do. But I just can’t, I-I”

“Aren’t you afraid?”

“How could I be? It’s you, Loki...no matter what you look like.” Eventually, you’d face him again, wiping the tears out of your face when for another moment, you made yourself forget that this was a completely different person. “I was just surprised, that’s all. Letting me see this form out of nowhere...”

“Y/N, I’m not the same as him” he retorted, knowing very well what it’s like to lose oneself in daydreams and illusions to ease the pain of loss. His sight wandered around the room instead of your face, stating “I did horrendous things, dear. Tormented and killed countless. It’s unforgiveable.”

“So did he” you stated, even though you knew those two Loki’s couldn’t be compared. “And you should already know: I feel dead inside, ever since he died.”

“You really loved him, didn’t you?” When you nodded confidently, Loki sighed ashamed, reluctantly touching your wrist again. A warm magic would flow through you, healing the wound in no time. “I wish she had felt the same for me...”

For a while, both of you were plainly sitting in uncomfortable silence, with Loki even lending you his cloak to warm yourself up.

“It’s not him” you told yourself once again. “It’s not him. It’s not him. IT’S NOT HIM!!! That man is dangerous and instable. He can’t be trusted!”

And then, finally, you dared asking, cutting through the thick air:

“What exactly happened to me, in this world?”

Loki’s face contorted in agony, rubbing his face as if in deep pain. “Is this really necessary? I already told you. She died because of me.”

“More details would be nice” you retorted bluntly, not really caring if he was to have a violent outburst again. Curiosity got the better of you at that moment.

The emperor’s voice was low and husky, and just now you realized how damn tired he looked - with dark rings under his eyes, and more pale than you had ever remembered him.

The weight of his sins sure had taken a stroll on that sensitive man.

"I saw the ring” he uttered deeply affected, “That’s something I could only dream of. Thinking about it, I think she never really loved me in the first place. Or maybe she just grew tired of my lies. Understandable, I have to admit...”

“Yes, it was quite the opposite, even” he continued after a long, strained breath of his. “She hated me. Joined the Avengers and tried to kill me, several times. Only years later I learned about the truth: Already far in the past, back on Asgard, she betrayed me. After I fell off the Bifrost, she thought myself dead - and consoled herself by bedding my brother. I had to kill him, I-I-I just had to!”

Loki’s hands were shaking so frantically you could feel it from over there, mad eyes darting over your physique to take in your reaction. “After they finally lost, I took her prisoner. Seven months of trying to make her mine, no matter the methods. Mind-controlling her would not be satisfying. So I tortured her, played games with her sanity, and- I’d rather not speak about how else I violated her.”

“You, wha-” Now you were the one shivering in horrid anticipation, “You raped me...?”

No answer. Instead he just finished this disastrous story.

“One day, I went to her cell like I always did. I hoped once her mind was broken she’d stop struggling to be mine. But she never did. You Y/N’s are quite the fighters, as it seems.”

“Wha- wwhat happened to me...I mean, ‘her’?”

A loud whine escaped his vocal cords as he hit the wall right next to your face, making you suck in a pained breath.

“She used her chains to hang herself. There was nothing I could do. Ever since then I knew I’m cursed to inflict pain on anything I hold dear.”

"D-Don’t give me that self-pitying bullshit” you wanted to shout at his face - but the cramping in your heart as well as the hyperventillation made talking impossible.

How could one do something like that to a person they claimed to love?!

“Go” you whimpered, already shuffling away from him and he could hear anguish and fear drop out of every vocal, and he realized you were having a panic attack. “Please!”

Loki closed his eyes, letting out one last, deep sigh. He knew he owed you that much.

“Very well.”

That whole night, you spent crying and screaming to your hearts avail, unable to process your current situation and newfound knowledge.

So that would be your life from now on? Being hurt mentally and physically, frostburnt and hurt and violated against your will - all while looking at a face that remembered you of happier days?

Never!

Things were just like that evil Loki said: You are a fighter!

And if you couldn’t help that crazy man, you would at least help yourself! The Avengers are still out there, somewhere. You needed to escape and help them!

How could you have been so blind all those years?

Loki - your Loki - would have never wanted to you give up. He’d want you to survive and live your life to it’s fullest, trying to make the best out of everything you’ve got.

Just like he always did. That much you had learned from him.

“I’m sorry, Loki. If I die, I can’t even remember you...I love you…”

Breaking out succeeded faster than you could ever think it would take - because when you’d finally get out of your fetal courl and wandered across the cell, you realized Loki didn’t properly close the heavy steel door back when he rushed away from you.

“It’s not him. There’s no helping that man. I have to find my friends, I-”

Still shocked and scared and traumatized, you didn’t even realize that someone was watching you, not even questioning that the hallways were oddly empty.

You sneaked out of an open window, bare feet feeling the morning dew as you shook away Lokis cloak and ran as fast as your feet could carry you.

There was it - the fence.

No one could tell you what kind of world would await you outside of that property as you swiftly avoided some guards, rushing through the all so beautiful garden.

But as soon as you reached out to climb the railing, you felt someone balling a fist in your hair, harshly holding you back and causing you to stumble and fall.

“I thought you to be different…” an all too familiar voice grumbled. Loki didn’t even want to hear any apology or excuse, kicking your guts so heavily that you had to throw up, cramping on the ground.

“Don’t you dare to run away ever again!” he now yelled furiously, "She tried it too...so damn.many.times…!”

But before you could even respond, he suddenly began to cry uncontrollably. “I thought you would stay. Do you think I like to do this?!”

His voice was laced with grief and regret, yet he kept on forming countless bruises on your body. “Why can’t you fucking love me, hel?!”

You didn’t know how long his violent crying fit lasted, with him weeping as he let off some steam on your helpless self.

There was no trace of the hurt, regretful man left you talked to in your cell earlier. After being finished, having reclaimed a fraction of composure, Loki pressed your face in between his hands, ripping on your mangled body to face him.

“Fate gifted me another chance to possess you, Y/N. And I will form you into a magnificent pet, I promise.”

_______

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