#yes this is bc i saw that one post on here highlighting all the times andrew tugged on neil's collar

[moonsnqil]

something about andrew hooking his fingers in neil's shirt collar

[hikari-drkspc]

❅ “A Fun Show” ❅

characters: yandere! midoriya izuku, yandere! bakugou katsuki & yandere! todoroki shouto [boku no hero academia]

warning: yandere, mentions of m0rder, intentionally h0rting oneself, deep wound involved, izuku is lowkey ooc ; MINOR/AGELESS BLOGS DNI, PUT YOUR AGE IN BIO/PINNED POST TO INTERACT

words: 2.1k

a/n: this is a repost from my main blog (@/hikari-writes) so yes this writing is old + bad, i just moved them here w/o editing bc im lazy and wants to keep reminding myself how bad my writing used to be <3 this was a request and i still have no idea whatre the significance of circus au is/gen🧍🧍

Midoriya Izuku, the strongman.

Bakugou Katsuki, the knife thrower.

Todoroki Shouto, the trapeze artist.

Those three were considered to be the highlight and main star of UA Circus.

And then there’s you, one of the behind-the-scene staff, who’s stuck in their obsessive love.

~~**~~

“Oi, Todoroki! You were the one who swapped my lunch with Deku, weren’t you?!”

Katsuki yells at Shouto who stares at him without a change in his expression.

“I literally have no idea what you’re talking about.”

He continues slurping at his soba, clearly showing his disinterest in the conversation. Katsuki’s vein was about to pop off when you suddenly stepped in between them while holding out both your arms to stop the fight.

“Wait, wait, wait! I’m sorry, Bakugou. I was the one who accidentally swapped your lunch box with Midoriya’s.”

You look at him with an apologetic smile. Katsuki stares at you, his eyes are still glaring but you could see it soften a bit. He lets out a frustrated sigh before turning around from you.

“Make sure to not make the same mistake again. I don’t eat the same shit as that Deku does.”

“That’s mean, Kacchan…”

You heard Izuku softly comment on Katsuki’s statement. Right after he’s out of sight, you blink in confusion with an awkward smile adorning your face.

“H-he really did repeat the same thing as before…”

You silently thought to yourself. The truth is, this is already the fifth time you “accidentally” swapped his lunch with Izuku. The first time you did it, he gave the same exact response as he did just now and you got curious as to why he gave you that kind of response when he could’ve just got real mad at you. So you did it again, just to see whether he’d get mad at you or not, to which he didn’t. And so you did it again….and again….and again….and before you knew it, it already has been the fifth time you did that yet his reaction stays the same.

A part of you was actually impressed. Even without anyone telling you, it’s pretty obvious to you that Katsuki is a sharp person. He has always shown to be a focused and sharp person, a trait he picked up from his role as a knife thrower. So it always struck you as odd that he didn’t realize the same mistake you’ve been repeating for the fifth time.

Just as you decided to shrug it off and stop pranking him, you heard Shouto talking to you in his usual calm voice.

“You’re having fun with that?”

You turn to him with a small grin.

“Kinda, yep! Rather, you noticed me doing it on purpose?”

You ask while chuckling a bit, amused at yourself. You didn’t expect Shouto of all people to realize what you had done. He’s always known to be a dense person after all.

“Well, you always have that amused smile on your face whenever you were swapping their lunch boxes, so you weren’t exactly hiding it.”

You stop chuckling and look at Shouto with an awkward smile. A bead of sweat trickles down your face, and an ominous feeling takes over your whole body.

For all you know, everytime you swapped their lunch boxes, no one was around. They weren’t even supposed to be around. They were supposed to either be performing their part of the show or be in the break room after their show had ended at the time. Even if they were around and saw what you did, you would’ve sensed their presence.

You shake off the uneasy feelings away, thinking maybe Shouto just happened to see you on accident and you were too focused on your prank to not notice his presence.

“A-anyways, he’s an interesting person, don’t you think? To think he didn’t realize what I did…”

Shouto stays silent and keeps slurping at his soba until it’s finished before turning at you.

“Interesting huh? I wonder about that…I believe it’d be more interesting if he does some trapeze acts….”

“Oh, you wish for him to do the same thing as you? That’s nice—”

“…and falls down from that height while doing so. It would be interesting if that happened. That’ll for sure teach him a lesson to not ever take what rightfully belongs to others.”

You shut your lips up and look at Shouto’s indifferent face. Either he just meant that as a joke or you misheard him. Either way, your heart is beating like crazy against your ribcage right now.

“D-did he take something of yours, perhaps? Even so, you really shouldn’t joke about that.”

You try to ask him in a calm manner but your shaking voice betrays your hidden feelings as it shows how much you’re in fear. Shouto stays indifferent. If you look closely, he almost looked…amused at your reaction. And your gut is telling you that his amusement isn’t because he was joking about what he said, but rather the opposite.

“And what if I said that that something is you?”

“L/N, can you come here for a second?”

Izuku’s voice snaps you back into reality as your conversation was cut short and you quickly leave Shouto behind after giving him a small nod of apology. Shouto stares at your back as you disappear from his sight. You could almost feel his stare digging holes on your back but you chose to ignore it.

“What’s wrong, Midoriya?”

You silently thank him for getting you out of that uncomfortable situation. Izuku gives you a wry smile and points at his bleeding arm.

You let out a loud shriek at the sight, both worried and terrified at the deep looking wound.

“I uh…accidentally cut myself when I was walking near that thing…”

Izuku awkwardly points at a sharp looking metal with a smile, as if the wound on his arm isn’t serious and his arm isn’t bleeding heavily.

“Call me earlier! Oh gosh, follow me now!”

You lead him to the treatment room in a hurry. You glanced back at the wound and saw the blood dripping on the floor, making your own face pale.

Izuku has always been careless with how he treats himself. Shota, one of the circus’s behind-the-scene staff, even once asked if he had some kind of magnetic attraction towards accidents that ended up hurting him. He just laughed it off, saying stuff like, he’s used to it, or, it wasn’t that big of an injury.

Izuku is indeed the strongman of UA Circus. Despite having a baby face and a polite and meek personality, his strength rivals even the adults. He once told you that he’s aiming to be an amazing strongman just like All Might, a legendary strongman in the history of circuses. Ever since then, he’d been training diligently to get to where he is now. While you admire that part of him, you really wish he’d stop accidentally hurting himself.

“There. Be careful next time, alright? Good thing the wound isn’t that serious. If it had been, you might need to take a break from doing circus acts and rest at home. It’s a talent at this point to keep hurting yourself like this.”

You completed the treatment and jokingly said with a light chuckle, trying to distract yourself from the wound. Izuku stares at you for a bit before opening his mouth.

“If you ask me, I don’t really feel like I’m hurting myself.”

You look at him, curious as to what he meant by that. He sends a sheepish smile and scratches the back of his neck, a small blush starts to form on his cheeks.

“Rather it feels like I’m rewarding myself. After all, I got to enjoy your beautiful self treating my wounds like this. Before I knew it, I just seemed to start getting myself hurt on purpose whenever I see you nearby.”

Izuku lets out a small giggle as if he’s a teenage girl in love. You probably wouldn’t have minded it much if he had stopped at the second sentence. You would have probably just thought of him being his usual sweet self.

But he just HAD to add that last sentence, huh?

You look at him in pure shock and fear. What he said was definitely not normal. Why would he do that, would be a stupid question to ask at this point, especially since he has clearly stated his reason before the last sentence.

You see the way his eyes are glinting dangerously as his lips curve up into a sweet smile. So sweet it’s almost sickening.

“I-I have to go. Excuse me.”

You quickly leave the treatment room behind. Your minds wander back to the one time you were talking with Shota. The older man had mentioned in passing how Izuku had gotten into accidents and hurting himself more after you had come to work at UA Circus. You just brushed it off, thinking that Shota was just overthinking things. You thought nothing of it and had almost forgotten all about what he said.

But after what just happened…you started to think there was a possibility that what Shota said…might be true.

You quicken your steps and your mind is thrown into chaos. A part of you doesn’t want to think about it anymore, hoping what had happened today was just a bad dream, but you knew better than to run away from reality. Another part of you is just so bothered by Shouto and Izuku’s weird demeanor towards you that you can’t help but to start speculating things.

You kept your eyes on the ground while walking, completely oblivious to your surroundings. Only after your face hits someone’s chest do you finally tear your eyes away from the floor. The one you bump into doesn’t seem too pleased however since you heard him scowl and curse under his breath.

You look up to see a very familiar face. Katsuki. You could’ve sworn you’ve never been more happy in your life to see the gremlin blondie. Your face completely lit up but it soon wilted into a confused frown when you saw Katsuki glaring down at you.

He was being pretty soft and kind to you just a few hours ago. What have you done in that short span of time to make him look…angry at you even though you literally didn’t even see his face during those few hours?

Well, I just hope you don’t need an explanation because he won’t be giving you any. Before you knew it, you’re already on your knees and looking up at his intimidating eyes. After all you’ve been through for today, you thought that maybe Katsuki can help comfort you, even in the most indirect way ever.

You guessed wrong.

Instead of “comforting”, his glare literally made your knees weak, resulting in you cowering before his seemingly tall figure. Instead of “comforting”, he made your fear worsen and your mind totally gave up in trying to think up any words to say, at all.

“What were you doing, talking to that half and half bastard and that loser Deku?”

He asks in a low, rumbling voice. It almost seems like he’s trying hard to hold back his anger, as if the one he’s showing isn’t enough.

You try to say something, anything, but the word never came out. Instead, you’re left gaping at him like a dumb fish. Tears started forming at the corner of your eyes and you slowly closed them, in hopes that you’d wake up from this nightmare.

Instead of waking up, you heard a loud scoff behind and shortly after that, your body was being carried by a pair of strong arms.

“Kacchan, you really don’t know how to treat your object of affection nicely, do you?”

Followed by a small, mocking chuckle, you saw Izuku carrying you bridal style. Your heart must’ve leapt out of your chest for a minute because you suddenly stop breathing out of shock. After the situation has sank in however, it beats again rapidly against your ribcage, almost making you feel like throwing up.

Not even a second after that, you’re greeted with another shock as you saw a sharp blade only an inch away from Izuku’s neck. Izuku sends a side glance to the perpetrator behind him.

“Hands. Off of her before I make you.”

Shouto calmly threatens while tightening his fingers around the blade. Izuku doesn’t seem surprised at all as he lets out a weary sigh.

Izuku finally lets you down and puts you a bit farther away before gathering back to the other two.

That night became your unlucky night and you’ll forever remember it.

Not only will you need to witness this little bloody show battle in front of your very eyes but you’ll also need to be the prize of the winner of the battle.

And it goes without saying that your opinion doesn’t matter here.

[majaloveschris]

First of all, I’d like to disclaim by Occam’s razor: AB’s sister posting pics in CE’s backyard means she and her bf were there. Yes. Normal ppl would also post pics they’ve taken recently, so yes, logically speaking these photos were probably recent. Ok. Team real got their point made here.

HOWEVER…we’re talking about AB and this situation. What about this whole thing has made sense or been normal? Pretty much nothing. Even their pap walk debut made little sense bc they were both apparently in ATL, one filming a movie, the other doing yoga school, but chose to stop everything to fly into NYC and run around a crowded park in masks. Ok. And then go back into hiding. Very normal.

So, a theory (call it far fetched, call it delusional, whatever. It’s just a theory): back last summer? Or early fall, ppl saw that AB started following a guy (now known as her sister’s man). Pretty sure it was around mid-late summer. I think it tracks bc ppl claimed that she also filmed that chin video with Chris around late summer 2022 (somebody out there has those backdates idk). So let’s say she’s in the US, after her Paris movie promo is finished and she has time off. She travels to LA, meets sister’s bf and follows him on IG. Her sister is also there. They end up at CE’s house and take pics in his backyard. This is B4 the relationship launched but obviously they were planning things during the dormant hiding time re:scare/Vday videos. Idk if they filmed any stories in LA, but let’s say they’re planning this out to sell it all the way. Sister/Bf being local would be really helpful to help sell it down the road.

What if, these photos from her sister’s IG were actually taken last summer? I mean, sure, LA does experience some weather changes, but it’s much harder to pinpoint what time of year it is in LA than it is in the east coast. And without a time stamp, there’s no way to tell when these photos were actually taken. This also could mean AB’s side is catching on or gotten a little smarter by not having Justin or troll minions post real time stories, and instead let the private accounts leak SS that can’t be backdated.

Again, ALL of this is pure speculation. The reason team real has so much ammo is bc some PR theories skew very close to QANON conspiracy, but what they keep forgetting is that HW itself is basically a qanon conspiracy. So much of HW is smoke and mirrors. Nothing really makes sense and it’s not supposed to. Also, Social media is a highlight reel, not a reality. Ppl are miserably IRL but pretend on SM to be having the time of their life. Lastly, the first whispers of this relationship began thru SM. I believe IF it ends, it may end the same way it began. But that’s just my opinion.

I think it's a really good theory. That video was recorded on August 18, 2022, at least according to the app. We all know they are never alone, so maybe at the time Ana and her boyfriend played the chaperone's role 😅

[charlesdesvoeux]

terror rewatch time!!! i'll be using this post to comment on ep. 9 "the c the c the open c" block the tag terrorwatch2 if you'd like :-)

sophia almost dissociating at certain points and lady jane having tears in her eyes by the end of the scene...

also interesting to highlight that, you know, this is a woman doing something very public and refusing to stay within the confines of the private sphere even if this work/advocacy is in benefit of her husband making it perhaps less "improper" for her to step into the public sphere. and of course she's doing it bc the admiralty won't.

tom hartnell 🥰🥰🥰

and one of the saddest things is that crozier did eventually become the captain he needed to be. but it was just too fucking late.

"more than god loves them" indeed! i mean. it didn't change anything. it didn't save anyone. but the love was there.

someone already said that but yeah it's interesting how hickey wearing irving's coat makes hodge speak to him as an equal in a way he probably wouldn't before. all this rank shit is just performance, it's just wearing the right clothes.

the denial. "this shot will murder me yet" "if it doesn't it'll make that story you like even longer to tell" and it's like. so delusional. jfj at this point is a living dead man. but crozier can't face that yet. "there's time, there's time". but james knows.

interesting highlight of the class divide- hodge, an upper class British man, thinks of the probably very nice wedding he attended which served a ham from Virginia. Hickey thinks about what could be in the tins, behind the polite and vague "veal cutlet tomata"- pieces of horse? a street dog? things he maybe even saw people eating in the squalor of victorian cities

hickey voice-over priming them for cannibalism over a shot of billy going to goodsir.....

the second to last hickeygibson scene, oh my god. the way there's genuine tenderness, the way hickey truly tries to comfort him, and I do think I saw his eyes watering. re: "can he still haul?" I'm reminded of the rat wedding scene. the way there's both genuine love but also a transactional element. but the existence of one doesn't negate the existence of the other. so yeah of course there are practical considerations in his decision to kill him. but there's also the idea that this is a mercy.

also the way hickey allows himself to be very tender with billy and not giving a fuck that goodsir is there and could infer that they are lovers- bc. "civilization" is not a thing here. the bullshit victorian idea of propriety is not a thing here. they're on death's door, who gives a fuck if they're buggerers? (is it buggerer ou bugger. i don't remember)

I love how ANGRY hickey looks at goodsir once he's performing the killing of billy. like. "this is our moment. this is the last moment I'll share with the man I love. you are a intruder. and you think I'm a monster. but I'm not. I'm doing this out of love" and I absolutely get why goodsir had to be present but sometimes I also wish he wasn't??? so we could get maybe a more genuine depiction of their relationship??? like. cornelius holding him tenderly as life flows out of him. whispering sweet nothings in an attempt at comfort. maybe even fucking saying "billy, I love you", and these being the last words he ever hears.

the "orphans that we are" scene.... it's like. the survival instinct kicks in to the point that yes, you will want to abandon your friends because you want to LIVE. but this also means forsaking something of your humanity and crozier just. just can't allow that. but the survival instinct leading to such extremes is also a very human thing, too. and God how HEARTBROKEN little looks in this scene. matthew mcnulty the actor that you are.

there are very few scenes that we get from an inuit perspective in the series so the ones we do get are very very important in terms of illuminating the themes of the show. and of course nive nielsen is just outstanding

bridgens' heartbreak in the jfj death scene..... both bc he's genuinely fond of him and bc he knows that this will probably happen to henry too.

francis just raising his head in desperation and weeping once blanky proposes his plan. "i will not say goodbye to 2 friends in one day". "we both know what's coming for me now. at least love me enough to admit it". the idea that their deaths have to be faced, when just earlier he was desperately running away from the reality of james' state...

death is imminent and they hug, they hug like the old friends that they are, they touch one another openly and lovingly. they allow themselves to be human.

"john, can we sleep?" and I started crying. and the way he carries him so tenderly to the boat- yeah, everyone's watching, so what? who the fuck cares. we're dying buddy. and how after henry is in the boat jopson looks away, always attuned to what other people need, always discreet.

not that hickey wasn't crazy before but. i think billy's death is what tips him from "dangerous narcissist" into "full on god delusions"

"if I'm reading right your accent, Mr. Hickey, you grew up in a home where you would have to use every part of any meat or fowl your mam could procure" now I think this really pierces into him because- that was E.C. in his mind cornelius hickey never had to do that, but E.C. did. and he cannot be reminded of what he used to be- what he still is, really- but he carries it with him, how could he not? even on the other end of the world- someone knows E.C.

"don't indulge your morals over your practicals" if that isn't hickey's motto.

and sol at this point just. a broken fucking shell of a man. reduced to hickey's dog.

the way he wore the ring to the end. to the very end.

the way each of them look as they're eating billy!!!! sol very obviously disturbed, troubled, but also hungry. des voeux cold, calm and pragmatic. hickey with a strange sort of curiosity on his face, chewing slowly, almost savoring the last time he'll have his lover's flesh within his mouth.

hickey sits at the head of the table. hodge sits away, china in hand, trying to pretend this is normal and in a very clear way trying to maintain rank.

i think there's an interesting contrast to be found here with des voeux. he wasn't a lieutenant yet, but he was in the "officer track" so to speak- hierarchically high above a caulkers mate like hickey or a marine like tozer; irl des voeux was promoted to lieutenant in absentia while they were lost. but he absolutely realizes that right here right now rank does not fucking matter, and so he makes no attempt to still perform within the confines of what an officer is supposed to be.

hodge's monologue, I mean. here's how christos lawton can still win an emmy

THE SOL AND HICKEY SCENE

the way hickey offers him a smoke and he declines and hickey is like uh that's odd. the way he calls him "cornelius"- were he and billy the only ones to call him cornelius??? and his plan... it's like. to him it's still about survival and hickey. well. to him it's about becoming a literal fucking god.

the way he uses sol's name...... and "that's a queer melody for a marine" manipulating his devotion to what it means to be a marine for his own ends... when sol confesses what he saw and then tries to steel himself and go back to strategy...... THE TOUCH HOW DESPERATE SOL LOOKS TO BE TOUCHED

"do we need permission from him?" "no" except like. i think sol is in so deep that he does feel like he needs permission. "we'll do what we have to do, tommy, but we'll do it tomorrow" and the look of devastation on Tommy's face. "this is not sol tozer. not the sol tozer i knew, admired, and loved. and yet- i still know him, admire him, and love him".

hartnell :-((( bridgens :-(((

[golbrocklovely]

From what I’ve seen, the hate is mostly from people believing the SH livestream. And being blamed for copying them even though he goes to most of the same places first. I haven’t really seen him say anything bad about them.

In fact, in the new TFIL video, when he’s talking about letting the subscribers decide what they do next, a few of the highlight clips he’s showed had Sam and Colby in them.

i mean that's definitely the main one. there's also other dumb rumors that circulate on tiktok. some of it is just fans not liking how far the pranks went via elton, and i think the most egregious rumor is elton showing up to the conjuring house and scaring sam, thus the pic of him crying there…. or that elton is responsible for breaking sam's back. bc yes, those are two very real tiktoks i saw with comments under it with ppl believing it.

the copying thing is irrelevant both ways. it started bc elton accused snc of copying him when they did 25x25. and then after that elton started going to all the same places as them right after they were there, most likely to "make things even". and at this point, it doesn't matter. snc or elton are christopher columbus. you don't own the land you stepped foot on, and that includes haunted locations.

in this post i explain all the shit he's done in the past. or all the ways he was shady to them.

that post doesn't include that you can't comment snc's name into his comment section otherwise it gets removed (even tho he used aaron, him, and corey 3/5 of the old trap house in a video to get views). or there was a fan's encounter on tour, watching him and corey the whole time, make comments about snc without saying their names. to quote that person directly: "i went to the overnight with them and they were making snc jokes all night and i could never hear the snarky stuff cause elton would whisper it to corey and they'd laugh so hard. idk what happened but from what i heard all night it seems that they feel snc are fake and don't take it seriously and ran off to steal the ideas they created together back in the day and now they have to compete." and continued to say: "when you purposefully are rude to your competitors who were once friends, to a group of people who paid $600 to be with you, how do they feel about their fans? we're just a number they're fighting for."

there's also been some slight shade here and there from elton (or at least things that can be perceived as shade to snc) but i don't remember it off the top of my head.

elton isn't innocent, but he sure doesn't deserve the hate he's been getting, at least that deeply.

[whycantwegivellove]

so i finally listened to rebecca london! the highlights for me were lauren, kara, and the orchestra for sure. the acting and singing in general was very good. the things i didn't like as much was how much was cut or changed. obviously i expected some changes to occur, but a lot of it just felt so different and many of the changes felt unnecessary (although idk what's going on behind the scenes so i'm sure they have their reasons). some of the translations and wording felt a bit awkward too. overall though i enjoyed it a lot and i really wish i could go see it live. my scene-by-scene reactions are under the cut :)

act 1

lauren’s voice is so pretty!! the orchestra is already slaying and we’re only on the first song.

mrs van hopper continues to slay lmao i laughed out loud

omg the transition from you will never be a lady to the zeit in einer flasche melody threw me offfff like where was petit dejeuner?? i hope the ensemble gets some good moments throughout the musical bc they were one of the most impressive parts when i saw it in vienna.

i hope someone will type up a full script of this bc i can’t understand what they are saying/singing sometimes (no fault to the recorder, i think i have an auditory issue or something)

ohhh lauren sounds absolutely gorgeous in the zeit in einer flasche bits!! why did they give maxim a part in that song though lmao. i’ll be interested to see how they split this up into an official cast recording (assuming they do one, idk how musicals operate) because there are a lot of singing then speaking then singing then speaking in this section.

sometimes a certain syllable is stressed and it sounds strange to me, but they are also british so idk. the orchestra continues to slay.

idk what this song is post-proposal but ok. tbh i’m glad they cut zauberhaft natürlich bc i strongly dislike that song but i don’t love the replacement song either (og production got it right with no song there at all imo)

ok cutting die neue mrs de winter is CRIMINALLLLLLL!!!! WHERE IS MRS DANVERS’ ICONIC ENTRANCE????? god i was so excited to hear kara sing that part. also the ensemble is really getting the short end of the stick so far :( 

i love the translation of sie ergibt sich nicht to “she’s invincible, she’s unsinkable” so much actually. kara sounds soo good. “no man had anything to offer her” sounded kind of weird syllable-wise but oh well, kara navigated it pretty well imo.

THEY CUT DIE LIEBEN VERWANDTEN NOOOOOOOOOOOO WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT, AM I A JOKE TO YOU??? lauren and the orchestra are very much my favorite parts so far, they sound soooo good.

i kind of miss the little musical transition between bist du böse and hilf mir durch die nacht. it’s also super interesting that they had maxim sing his part first in hilf mir durch die nacht instead of ich (obviously i already knew about this but it’s still an interesting choice). the tempo seems to be slightly faster (esp during the verses) but i could be imagining it. it’s also interesting that they translated it to “help me face the night” at some points when “help me through the night” would’ve worked perfectly fine.

oh wow it seems like they completely rearranged the songs after, bc now we get merkwürdig. and the ensemble sounds GREAT i have to say. i’m so glad they finally got a proper song.

ooh kara sounds great during sie war gewohnt. boris remains to be my favorite favell by far but this one is good too. and i’ve said it many times but this orchestra is amazing. naur now why is there an eine hand wäscht die andre hand melody inserted here lol

ohh kara´s breathy tone during the dialog right before rebecca… good shit. oh god kara sounds so good during rebecca. i still hate how it’s “come back, rebecca” instead of “come home, rebecca” and yes i know that’s how it was in the og demo but why would they change it to come back when come home works just as well and sounds better imo? the orchestra continues to slay. lmaoooo at the person who screeched at the end of the song bc that’s such a big mood.

the tempo to gott warum (the beginning at least) sounds a lot faster, i don’t love it but richard sounds really good!! (i generally don’t care abt maxim but i do enjoy this song sometimes). the tempo seems to have slowed a bit later in the song but idk.

oh wow i love this frank crawley!! he sounds so good, i need to put him in my pocket

THEY CUT DER BALL VON MANDERLEY 💔 although i’m glad petit dejeuner made an appearance (i love that song) and that the ensemble got a part here, i very much miss the og song. also, i wish i could see the costumes and choreo for this scene.

NO MRS VAN HOPPER REAPPEARANCE AND NO “IM AN AMERICAN WOMAN” OH I LOST </3 that whole scene is such a slay and i personally love big silly dance numbers so this was a blow :( i love the ich and clarice duet though!! they sound great together.

act 2

“she’s here, she’s there, she’s everywhere” i’m so sorry but i giggled at this part bc all i could think about was the roy kent chant from ted lasso 😭

i actually love the “if you trespass you will bring down her curse” like it sounds so good. although “come back, rebecca” will never not sound jarring i fear. also the bridge of rebecca reprise is homoerotic as FUCK like ok i see you 😏

the ensemble (shadow) part of nur ein schritt did not have the same oomph which was a bit disappointing, but oh they sound great in strandgut. omg why do they keep inserting favell’s eine hand melody into other songs omg it’s so startling and i am not a fan. that being said, the ending of strandgut was very good.

richard sounded great during kein lächeln omg

some of the wording in mrs de winter bin ich still sounds kind of awkward (even after listening to the recording they released) but kara and lauren did a great job navigating it and they sound great together

i am still not entirely sure why they switched around the order of the songs again but im sure they have their reasons.

moving was ist nur lost mit ihm to act 2 is such a choice

i’d love to see the lyrics to eine hand bc this translation is so interesting. this favell has a great voice 

ahhhh the ensemble sounds so good 

they kept the “i thought i was her closest friend” … 💀 the translation of rebecca reprise 2 is a bit rough but kara does a nice job handling it all. great job.

i didn’t love the ending of finale 2 (i’m a whore for the big flourishing ending in the german productions) but it was beautiful nonetheless

[elizmanderson]

2022 wrap-up, part 4

part 1 is here

part 2 is here

part 3 is here

istg this is the last part. it just turns out I did more stuff this year than I thought, which is exactly why I do these wrap-ups for myself every year. otherwise I fixate on the bad parts or the parts where I did nothing yet somehow also failed to rest.

travel

new york

I went to NYC for the first time ever for my friend chelsea's book launch! the officially unofficial one that we had for her in central park, since during her official book launch I was at phantom of the opera with another one of our friends who was kind enough to treat me to a broadway show

I saw and did a lot and went many places, but lowkey the highlight of my trip (aside from meeting all my long-time twitter writing peeps <3) was my last evening in the city. I had a drink at the stonewall inn and then wandered around the village, taking pictures of buildings because I was in love with the light on the fire escapes. I turned down jane street without even thinking about it.

after about a block, I was like, "wait, which street did I just turn down," and I went back to the nearest intersection to check. but nope, I'd turned down the right street without looking at my map, without paying strict attention to street signs and landmarks, without even thinking about it. I realize actual new yorkers will 100% disagree with this, but in that moment new york became a little bit mine and I became a little bit hers.

it took me months to recover financially from this trip, even with staying in a sketchy hostel and without paying for my own broadway tickets, but I loved it. a lot more than I thought I would, actually, since I grew up in the country and I'm probably three trees in a trench coat rather than an actual human person.

admittedly when I got back and saw how green the trails on our campus were, I was like "how did I even THINK I liked it there?? they kept all their nature in one place and it wasn't half this green!!" but I seriously did fall in love with the city, and yes I obnoxiously point at the screen when watching media set in manhattan like "I've been there!!" I am That Bitch.

georgia

I mean okay fine I go to georgia every year because my parents live here now. but still. I love savannah and coastal georgia in general, and this year I also visited jekyll island for the first time. I didn't stay long at jekyll, and unfortunately savannah was so cold I might as well have been back home (jk, it was sub-zero at home and a balmy 15 in savannah on the coldest night), but I always love going, I got to see my beloved atlantic, and I once again took a thousand pictures of live oaks just because.

other things

non-book media

movies: cyrano (yes it says 2021 but it wasn't at my theater until february of this year, so we're calling it 2022), bros, thor: love & thunder, ticket to paradise, see how they run, and actually encanto played at our second-run theater so I saw that in theaters again <3

tv: ofmd and only murders in the building, both new comfort shows despite one involving piracy and the other involving murder

musicals: groundhog day: the musical and come from away, and also I'm listing cyrano here in addition to above bc I love the soundtrack and have it in my car along with the other two

personal tomfoolery

we're about to go full-on diary here, but whatever bc that's how I used this blog before I got 500 new followers and ofmd ruined all other uses of said blog, so that's how I'm finishing this post

queer feels

I've both thought about and avoided about thinking about my sexuality and gender even more than I already have in the past 10 or 12 years. I like "queer" for this reason: it covers any non-allocishet identity I might ever need. it indicates that I'm part of the community while giving me space and time to figure out the particulars on my own (and reduces the need for me to come out repeatedly to the same people as I decide on new identities, which is good bc I viscerally hate coming out at all and dream of a world where I wouldn't have to). I like more particular labels for helping me figure out my experience, validating my experience, and finding other people whose experiences are similar.

I'm still thinking through they, although I admit when I asked folks to use it in a pronoun testing room I got warm fuzzies. I've avoided thinking through my gender in detail, but I bought a genderqueer sticker and enamel pin to add to my existing pride stickers and pins. it's just that it's like I have to come out to myself.

I did actually come out to my dad as queer this year. which made me feel feelings even though it shouldn't have been a big deal bc my parents are allies. my dad's literally in his law school's gsa, much to the confusion of the younger folks. I came out via email, in the spur of the moment, which is both a very me and a very internet-dad way to come out. and he basically said, "thanks for trusting me with that, but I already vibed it from your writing."

(I'm paraphrasing. my sixty-year-old, deeply uncool white-guy father didn't use the word "vibed.")

I'm quietly queer, for the most part, but every year I get a little louder. this year, with fascism on the rise and so many anti-queer and specifically anti-trans bills brought forth in so many states and me only just out of the closet to my parents (albeit less deeply in the closet in the first place than I thought I was), I talked more about my queerness than usual. I put "queer" in every single author bio for every single thing for which I needed a bio. I stickered my laptop in pride flags. I put up pride flags outside my office and pride pins inside it and joined the dei committee at work. I'm not a fighter. but I got just a little bit louder.

friend feels

I kinda started thinking some time within the last few years, how many friendships have I maybe missed out on because both of us were too insecure to take the first real step and be friends?

which has highkey always been my approach to romance. I'll get my heart broke a thousand times and still go after every new person I fall for. but when it comes to friendship, I'm like do not.

but I've been thinking this lately.

so with an existing maybe-friend, when an opportunity came along to write him a letter for a retreat he went on, I basically just wrote him a letter like "hey I care about you and I'm glad we're friends." and boom, lo and behold, he came back like "oh my goodness thank you so much for that wonderful letter," and things have been much more comfortable since then. which was a nice lil validation of my theory that sometimes people Do Not Dislike Me, In Fact, but are just as insecure in friendship as I am.

I also made a whole new friend with this new girl at work. the rsd has hit me fucking hard this year, which I do not appreciate. but I keep pushing past it and making an effort, and now I have a nice stash of good encounters stored up for when the rsd tries to bamboozle me once more. she's so welcoming and lovely and kind, so I hope things are also settled there even if sometimes I feel like they aren't because that's just how I am.

anyway, that's my year. there was a lot of weird and terrible bullshit going on locally, nationally, globally, and in the background, but there was some good shit in there, too.

here's to more friends, more books, more birds, more plants, more falling-in-love-with-cities, more kindness and good and little warm gestures in 2023.

[lumienn]

Sooo here's my 'Mutual Feelings' story.

I was around 17-18, fresh out of school and into my very first anime and fandom (on Instagram bc I didn't know about tumblr back then). I wanted to be friends with this villain fan (VF for short) who was so cool - they made immaculate video edits, drew fanart and just the way they wrote and talked was so interesting. It set them apart from everyone else.

Anyway, it was a small and relatively tight-knit fandom where everyone knew everyone else- so it wasn't hard for us to start talking. And we clicked far better than I thought we would. We started RPing as a rare pair from the fandom. While RP was never really my thing, I had fun building the plot and surprising them with twists here and there, and their reaction made it worth it.

Over time, we began chatting about things other than RP and the fandom. We grew very close, and I never understood why, but the longer talks made me feel euphoric. VF (they went by she/her at the time but now go by they/them) had always been open about being bi- this was my very first direct exposure to someone who was openly queer. And in fact, the fandon itself had a few prominently queer fans which made me rethink a lot of my then-conservative views.

A year into our friendship, we were now the closest duo in the fandom and everyone knew it. By this point we had told each other our real names and countries where we lived - we'd also swapped numbers and often chatted over Whatsapp. I loved nothing more than talking to them. Getting their text notification was the highlight of my hour. And when they told me they loved me (platonically, I'd already established to them that I was straight) oh my God. My heart rate was through the roof. I was giggling like an idiot and rereading the message for weeks straight.

Looking back, this should have been a fucking clue.

VF had been paired with an OC account since before I joined the fandom, but around this time, the OC fan broke it off with an angry post on how they no longer cared about her and only wanted to spend time with someone else - here she described my account, and I could identify it because it was a unique one - and promptly deleted it a few minutes later.

You guys. I felt so SMUG. This should've been the second fucking clue.

So VF was upset about this character breakup, but they acknowledged that they hadn't been too responsive to her ongoing RP so that was kinda warranted. They didn't know I saw the post, and just told me not to worry about it. There was some other drama going on too, where I loudly and publicly defended them, and we ended up cutting off a couple of people we thought were our friends.

So now there were a few new entrants into the fandom and they'd seen all this going down. They were on our side, so we started talking to them too. Then one day, out of the blue, one of them asked me out.

I was pretty surprised - we'd only ever talked a few times, and they didn't know anything about me. I just kinda ha-ha'd it away awkwardly and tried to get out of the situation. And then another one of the newer fans asked me whether I and VF were together. I said no, but that we were very close friends. To which she replied saying she was glad because she had a crush on VF and wanted to ask them out.

Unfortunately, she was not joking.

She asked VF out.

VF said yes.

.......

..

.

Just like that, my whole world came crashing down.

I didn't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't this much pain. I couldn't even think. I remember how I was supposed to. be studying when I found out about this, and I just. Put my phone down and stared at the wall in pure rage for half an hour straight. Then reread the text. Then wall stare. Then- well, you get the point.

And I had an identity crisis on my hands to boot.

I was straight, for fuck's sake!

Right?

It hurt. A lot. Then I had to come to terms with the reason why I was jealous of their girlfriend but never their friends. Drumroll and trumpets, y'all.

I'll spare you the details on how it felt when VF talked about their gf, or when the gf talked about VF and posted cheesy stuff for them. I'm sure you already know.

Anyway, I was crazy enough to go back to the person who asked me out, and say yes.

You can imagine how that went.

Now here I was, 'dating' someone who I had no feelings for, while VF was being all supportive and wanting to compare notes between us and them and gf.

And you guys. I hated it. I hated pretending so much. A few days later, I broke up with the poor dude and wallowed around. I wish I had the strength not to look at gf's posts, but unfortunately I didn't. I seeked them out, felt worse, and wallowed more.

This story doesn't really have a happy ending- I never confessed my feelings to VF, and we never got together for real. They broke up sometime after, but by that time I had left that fandom and was becoming more active on tumblr.

I was terrified of admitting my sexuality to anyone. Oftentimes I denied it to myself, pretended I was straight like I 'used to be' (ha) and overhyped boys/men in my life. Yet... somewhere deep inside, I was thrilled to finally have a name to things I'd felt over the years but couldn't quite put my finger on.

It took me a long time to accept who I was (am).

And by the time I was confident in myself, VF was dating someone else and I had missed my chance.

We still keep in touch. They've moved fandoms too, and are still out there making awesome art and being their awesome self. I grew out of my crush, but I'll always fondly remember them for what they brought into my life- my bi awakening of course, but also in a large part my love for making stories and putting them out there for people to enjoy, and for inspiring me to start drawing. So there is a silver lining to the cloud.

Anyway, that's my story!

(Also I'm slightly terrified of VF coming across this post.. but VF, if you're seeing this, hi. I'm not a clown, I'm the entire circus for putting this out to the general public instead of just telling you. I'm sorry. Thank you.)

[thedeviljudges]

not me having thoughts about yohan today, but.

not like i need to put this out there, but i’ll do it anyway bc i saw a post discussing yohan and how no one in fandom is addressing his tendencies toward violence. and here’s the thing: everyone notices it, lmao. no one in fandom is dumb enough to sit back and not recognize the trauma of what yohan has been through. even if we don’t have the entire story, we do know enough to see that people have fucked him over his entire life. he wasn’t shown any amount of love as a child, and he’s had to fight for himself.

the man doesn’t know how to express his feelings aside from his definition of justice, but he’s not a monster despite the term devil being thrown around. he doesn’t know how to handle his emotions, and like with many victims, especially male victims, he hasn’t learned and/or been encouraged to seek help. especially if his focus was working his way up the ladder to figure out and/or seek revenge for what happened to isaac.

it’s not about lack of critical thinking when it comes to his character. the entire show is truly forcing you to sit back and ask yourself questions of mortality and ethics, what’s fair and what’s wrong and the nuances that they all play into. that no singular case is black and white, and how much humans can be animals and turn on one other in a heartbeat.

yohan has grown up with violence as the solvent for any issues that arise around him. why do you think he copes with his anger this way? especially when he gets mad at gaon? it’s clear gaon doesn’t provoke him by fighting back, and if he does, it’s with words. gaon already knows how off the rails yohan can be, and yet he stays because as he even said in the show, there is a level of understanding. and he gets it. does that make it right? certainly not. it’s self-destructive behavior, but when you look at the context of yohan’s upbringing and how he’s lived alone raising a child by himself, in what fundamentally helpful ways would he have indulged in to get help?

and truthfully, if you want to look at it through a narrow, narrow lens, as much of a weakness as this character trait is, it’s also, to some extent, a strength because he can direct his anger onto the elite and people of higher caliber that generally speaking, are never held accountable for their actions. anger is such a driving force.

i don’t think fandom, by any stretch of the imagination, is excusing yohan for his physical altercations. and just because people don’t talk about it and/or bring it up, doesn’t mean we don’t see it and recognize it and think about it. it’s just not a focal point because as audience members, we can pick and choose what we want to focus on. not everyone wants to highlight the intricacies of characterization and meta. i mean, yohan being unhinged is kind of, sort of, the reason this entire story can even exist to begin with. he’s self-destructive, has anger issues, has not dealt with being a victim and now he’s got one of his abusers after him.

yohan has been in fight mode his entire life. he’s an animal backed into a corner. how else do you think he’d respond? especially with gaon who pokes and prods. yohan thinking gaon is sorta on his side until he does and/or says something that reaffirms that gaon is not entirely on team yohan. he’s let gaon in, but there are reminders that he should be wary of gaon, too. yohan doesn’t have time to sit there and hand hold with this stuff when he’s got a target on his back, especially now after episode 6. it’s either you’re for him or against him, and anything in between is a reason for suspicion. yohan literally hasn’t been able to trust anyone in his life, except for isaac, as far as we know.

i also know most people will not condone yohan’s physical violence, and i do too. however, as a writer and a creator, it is utterly fascinating to see what makes these characters tick. otherwise they’d be boring as fuck. do i think throwing gaon around or him shrugging at someone dying is cool? no, not entirely. but it adds depth; it adds reasons for why he is the way he is. and that’s different than saying ‘hey that’s okay he did that’ than it is ‘hey he did this bc x, y and z and i want that fixed through healing but like, look, it makes him multi-layered and complex and that’s fascinating to watch.’

please do not dismiss nor mistake people’s enthusiasm for yohan, or any of the other characters with questionable decisions, as acceptance. you cannot have a story without convolution. and as much as some of us love to dissect the story, others don’t want to go in depth, and that’s fine.

i love yohan’s character so much. regardless of whether he is truly the ‘bad guy’ or not, he’s really a gem of a character, morally gray and fucked up, and that’s what i absolutely love about him. like yes yohan, make all the questionable decisions for our entertainment and so that we don’t ever have to, lmao

[lostfieldranboo]

AFTER FIVE OR SIX DAYS OF WORK: FINALLY. THE ENDERWALK ARG PLAYLIST ANALYSIS POST

i almost just posted the link to the google doc but that ended up becoming my overall theory doc so it’ll be getting written for as long as this thing lasts. just know it’s at 6k words and still going. help

anyway: analysis summary under the cut! might make a second post to explain all the little things i saw bc this is a pretty long post and i don’t want to interrupt my main points with my little thoughts

(tl;dr: it’s a summary of c!ranboo’s life)

prologue

ticking clock. ties in the theme of time and serves as an introduction

introduction to the snow

continues the “introduction” feel from prologue. has several lines that remind me vaguely of the end (mainly the mention of “the edge of the universe” and the “sparkling crystals”) as well as space in general

dream sweet in sea major

continues the space/end references from the last one (”the edge of the universe” again, “pillars as tall as another realm” and multiple references to stars,) as well as starting something new i noticed: a trend of references to flight or falling. i don’t know what exactly this means quite yet, but it runs through the entire playlist, so i’ll make note of it. 

these past two songs combined (since i often don’t notice when one ends and the next starts) would represent time in the end, i believe. with the location in the playlist, it would be early childhood, which means ranboo’s early life was spent in the end and then he left it for some reason.

turn the lights off

my main takeaway from this one is from the very first verse

this is the very first thing i thought of a few days ago when ranboo implied that he hadn’t always had green and red eyes (clip) which would also imply that something happened to him to change his eye color. with the location of this in the playlist, that thing would have happened soon after he left the end.

the mind electric

hoo boy. this one is... definitely something. yes i heard this song for the first time on this playlist. it sounds how a ranboo lore stream feels. that is a compliment.

(gotta make a “resident minor” joke, huh. this is a ranboo playlist. of course there’s one on here.)

but honestly. what i think this song is? first enderwalk. it has that “i don’t know who i am, i don’t know what i’m doing” thing going on. plus

i look at that and just think of enderwalk.

live and let die

not much here tbh? mostly the fact that “live and let die” means “ if somebody wrongs you then you have to kill them" and i find that pretty concerning,

ruler of everything 

I HAVE SO MUCH FOR THIS ONE. MANY THOUGHTS HEAD FULL. THERE ARE SO MANY HIGHLIGHTS ON MY GOOGLE DOC

for one: it’s a song about time ruling all. this ties into that whole overall time theme thing this arg seems to have going on so far.

then this part?

this almost feels like a convo between enderboo and ranboo. (hence my alternating green and blue highlighting,)

and then,

throughout the song, the clock, the timepiece, whatever it is, it’s used as a metaphor for life, yeah? and “the end” is death? if we take this literally.... the clock stops when the end is reached. (or possibly the end? as in the advancement for going through an ender portal)

and then. does this even need a description

merry-go-round of life

i have never watched howl’s moving castle but apparently this is the song that plays for the introduction of the main character. yeah.

killer queen

literally all i have here is a note of it mentioning explosions a ton. i have no clue how this connects

mr bad guy

hey remember when ranboo thought he was actually the villain on the server for like. two streams. remember that. yeah. also a ton of references to flight and stuff. i still don’t know what this means

ain’t no rest for the wicked

fits into the “when ranboo thought he was the villain” thing. also partially the whole “the villains on the server need to be taken out” thing, in a way? just. yeah

the bidding

sapnap sending dream’s :) message to ranboo. need i say more

i can’t decide

ranboo. ranboo did you commit a murder. ranboo who are you debating killing. ranboo go to therapy.

stardust crusaders

i uh. also don’t have much here. but i asked someone who hyperfixated on jojo what this one means and apparently it’s related to jotaro and he can control time so he can move faster than it. again. running time theme.

a mask of my own face

enderwalk! it’s about enderwalk! he does things in enderwalk that he’d never do on his own and he looks just like himself but it’s different, and if people found out they’d think it was weird and creepy, and-

and of course being unmasked as well. having yourself revealed to the world. kinda like being revealed as a traitor in front of the entire server, huh?

stranded lullaby

idk what’s up here really except the references to memory stuff and also the lyrics site says something about time travel. so. yeah

hidden in the sand

more music video than lyrics here, but. people turning on each other as they end up in more and more danger. selfishness. picking sides. darkness hidden just under the surface. kinda doomsday morality vibes i think

now i’m here

no clue here tbh! just a vague memory reference at one point

&

duality time,

yknow. ranboo’s whole deal. halves. not choosing. both, not one. 

yeah.

i’m gonna win

fighting inner demons is definitely a very ranboo thing to do. especially with the “merciless dream” reference. dream is definitely merciless,

=)

okay so this isnt confirmed confirmed but. this post said the song could be archaeopteryx by lemon demon. and the lyrics fit very well so i kinda ran with it

it’s all about time travel! a man goes back in time to wipe out the ancestor of all birds! just. man. also the running flight theme remains

also i am very sus about this part in particular

can’t explain why but i really am

so basically uhhh. it’s 1am and this is probably incomprehensible but yeah. c!ranboo timeline. that is all. yes i know this probably got worse as it went on but i genuinely just had a ton of thoughts in the beginning

[parkersbliss]

i saw your hc about the avengers and one direction was mentioned so i had an idea where the reader stayed up on july 23rd and she was crying because of one direction and then the avengers come in and ask what is wrong but when they say what happened they can’t stop laughing or something like that. hopefully that made sense :)

this may or may not be how my day went??

If y’all want more directioner reader stuff I am so down

Manifesting | Avengers

—

So obviously, like any other directioner fan, you were not ready

Here’s the picture: it’s July 22nd, 9 P.M New York time

You’re in your room, listening to one direction and crying your eyes out

It’s like Christmas Eve, except you don’t really know if tomorrows Christmas

Something could happen

Nothing could happen

It’s a very stressful situation

You had opted for staying up all night, after all, they were 5 hours ahead of you

But instead you decided to just wake up early

So 5 A.M You’re out of bed, first thing you do

Grab your phone and check it

AND WHAT DO YOU SEE

NOTHING

Nothing??

BUT YOUR HOPE WASNT GONE

There was an interview scheduled with Liam in two hours, that had too mean something

Right

RIGHT

WRONG

Seven minutes of nOTHING

I mean, seriously

By now all the avengers were up

You were still in your room, blasting one direction as one does

“kid?” Tony asked knocking on your door

He opened it all the way and… he’s not sure what he saw

“Are you meditating?”

“SHHH”

“What the hell is going on?”

“be quiet!” You hissed

“kid, what the he-“

“she’s manifesting,” Peter anserwed, standing behind tony.

“what now?”

“manifesting, she’s manifesting that something happens. now, if you’ll excuse me, I must join.”

So now Tony is just kind of staring as the two of you ‘manifest’

He mumbled something about it being too early for this and walking out

You had your phone’s ringer on, notifications turned on for instagram, twitter, youtube, you name it, you had it

You hourly checked your phone, just in case

But at some point, you decided to take a shower

So it’s like 9 am

You just got out of your shower and you’re in a towel

And then you hear it - a small ding from your room

You waste no time in throwing the door opening, hitting Bucky in the face who stumbles onto the floor

“(Y/N) what the-“

But you’re gone

You race into your room grabbing your phone

And there it is

Twitter

A TWEET BY ONE DIRECTION

You screamed

Very loudly

And so Peter raced in, laptop in hand

“DID YOU SEE”

“OPEN IT OPEN IT”

The two of you quickly get to work opening the website and

It crashed

OF COURSE IT CRASHED

“WHAT DO WE DO” Peter asked frantically reloading the page

You turn to him, mouth set in a straight line “We hack it”

“genius.”

So you hack the system

You break in and-

“OH MY GOSH”

“ITS REAL”

Cue the tears

But as you go deeper, and you enter the 2010 stage you LOST IT

The website it blasting what makes you beautiful and you’re just in tEARS

Because literally what the fuck one direction come back

Peter is sat beside you, praying frantically

“bring them back . They can save 2020. Please I’m praying on harry’s rings, louis’ accent, Liam’s fear of spoons, Niall’s bitchy tweets and Zayn’s non existence, PLEASE”

So you’re going through liking everything bc uh yes?? You love it all

Your visions also kind of blurry from tears so you can’t really see anything

But then you get to louis’ highlight

It says he’s 5’7

You and Peter both look at each other

“LIES ITS ALL LIES ITS FAKE”

And then harry’s and

“he’s not 5’11” you said

“he’s six feet”

“they’re lying to us”

And don’t even get me started on the ending page

THE END

HELL NO

“time to manifest again”

So you and Peter are once against praying, your mixtape in the back

When your phone goes off again

And again

And again

And there it was

The boys posts, each one of them thanking the fans, TAGGING ZAYN

You’ve never cried so Hard in your life

And louis’ tweets

And then your door burst down

And in walk tony, bucky, cap, nat, bruce, Thor, Clint and well the whole squad

“WHO IS IT”

“What it going on?”

Peter shakes his head sadly, holding onto you as you hiccup

“It’s - it’s them - ONE DIRECTION THEY’RE ALIVE”

Tony rolls his eyes

Cap bursts out laughing, grabbing onto sam

Nat and Clint are howling as they clap

And Thor is still holding his hammer as bruce tries to explain that one direction was a boy band and not a group of evil space aliens

“you slammed a door in my face fOR A BOY BAND”

“IT WAS NECESSARY”

“NO IT WASNT”

“if you’re done now, we must manifest for Zayn’s reply” peter spoke up

“we can only hope” you said sadly

“you guys are crazy” cap said

“no” Peter corrects “We’re a Bunch of clowns with depression”

“i’m concerned” Nat whispered

“me too” peter said

Needless to say

It was a very emotional time

And the avengers did not shut up about it

“so did he ever reply?”

*cue crying breakdown*

“NO”

“so now what?”

You look Tony dead in the eye, “we’re staring the kitten direction”

“(Y/N)”

“it must be done” Peter said, bowing his head

“kid”

“Tony we NEED THEM BACK”

“They could save us all”

“with what?”

“you don’t understand their power”

“they’re adults mEN”

Instead of replying, you grab your phone and blast one direction so you can’t hear them

And this was how you and Peter stayed up all night theorizing about it

Louis’ wouldn’t egg Liam’s house over this

He’s not 5’7

Harry’s 6’0

All lies

And it’s up to you and Peter to figure out the truth

They could save 2020

You just have to save them

[binunus]

college bf!mj

a/n AH !!!! THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE ASTRO COMEBACK ???? APRIL 5TH ??? WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE LOVES !! i genuinely...do not know if I will be able to survive this month bc of them. 

(also i tried to get this posted on mj’s birthday but I’m so sorry a lot of shit happened and I had a ~bad mental breakdown~ and it’s just been rough out here but that’s a story for another time if any of you lovely beings wanna know hehe)

→ genre: fluff, smut

→ tw: mentions of cheating (in past relationships)

→ word count: 4.9k ____________________________________

KIM MYUNGJUN !!

A LIVING REINCARNATION OF THE SUN

this is gonna be so cute i just !! love him so much???

has his own apartment, but he honestly stays over all of the boys’ places so much that...he barely sleeps at his apt

major: vocal performance

his voice is literally honey

can probably sing higher than some sopranos in his major

so friendly, everyone who meets him loves him

mj just has a way of attracting people and making people comfortable around him

in short, he is – of course – the moodmaker

can turn anyone’s frown upside down

he’s down?? for like everything

an adventurous spontaneous type

has...probably failed a ged ed class once or twice before...

he’s not stupid okay! he just doesn’t really care about the classes that has no connection to his major

like will he ever apply calculus in singing? probably not

oh but professors can’t hate him, even if he just messes around during class

he’s just so kind and likeable

loves his boys aka astro

will literally do anything to make them smile, even if he’s had a rough day

as long as his boys are happy :’) he’s happy :’)

now how do you meet myungjun??

he’s in an acapella group on campus

he just has to be alright

he was the only freshman that got in during his first year

that shows how good he is :*

a tenor in the highly competitive co-ed group

spoiler alert, he convinces sanha to join, but that’s for college bf!sanha

myungjun is what me and my friends like to call: the solo whore

and it’s not bc he’s greedy for solos, he’s a real team player

his voice just happens to sound the best for most solos your group has??

you’re also in the acapella group

im not giving a voice part bc then that would put you in a binary category

so soprano, alto, tenor, baritone, bass, you pick love

anyway, you and myungjun were chosen to sing a duet for one of your competition pieces

and it was the key emotional piece so you and him had to be on your A games

you and myungjun were friends ofc, you had to be some sort of friends with everyone in your acapella group

but you never really hung out with him outside of rehearsal

well until you got this duet together

and you weren’t worried about it, mj was so fun and nice and an amazing singer, you had no doubt these extra practices with him would be a good time

and you were right! besides singing, you actually got a chance to get to know him and how goofy he really was

you’re pretty sure you always had an ab workout whenever you hung out with him bc of how much he made you laugh

about a month away from competition, you and myungjun were like best buds

literally a chaotic, iconic duo

the chemistry you two had during your duet was spectacular, your voices highlighted and bounced off each other very well

but! your leader had a little critique

“y/n, myungjun, that was great but...can you guys pretend to look...like in love? I get we’re all friends here, but if you can’t convey the emotion of the song in our performance, what’s the point? This goes for everyone, this is a song about how much you love your partner and would give them the world, we need to show that in our eyes and movements, even if you’re just singing ooh and woah for like 10 measures.”

you and myungjun decide to stay after rehearsal and practice the emotions you guess...

your leader had a point, good singing could only go so far

and for the first time, myunjun was a bit...? awkward??

you: alright so how are we gonna pretend to be madly in love with each other

he chuckles and shrugs: honestly I don’t know, look at me like I’m your boyfriend or something??

you: well, I hate my last boyfriend so that probably wouldn’t be a good idea

myungjun offering you a high-five: I hate...well I think I hate...my last partner too so at least we have that

you: how do you think you hate your last partner? are you not dating anyone right now?

he gives you a smile and like you notice it’s forced?? it’s not genuine or bright like the one he usually gives

mj: no I’m not dating anyone...my last relationship sorta traumatized me I guess. 

you: ...how did it traumatize you...? you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to myungjun

mj: ah *awkward laughter* well...I was sorta going through it my senior year of high school, stress from graduating and what to do with my life and all that shit, you know? I dated this person since my freshman year and I guess my mental health got the best of me during that time and they couldn’t handle it. We were planning on staying together throughout college and do long distance but I found out in the summer before starting college that they fucked my high school best friend behind my back...when I confronted them about it, the answer they gave me was that I was too down and preoccupied with my worries to notice about my partner’s needs...pretty fucked up right?

your jaw dropped, your eyes were bulging out at his story

you: myungjun what the fuck??? what college do they go to? I’ll pull up right now and beat their asses, I don’t know scream in their face or something! That’s fucked!

he’s laughing a little: thanks y/n, but it’s alright. You know, maybe I was too caught up in my own problems that I ended up neglecting my partner’s needs...I guess that’s why I’m always just trying to be carefree and fun now.

you: that doesn’t justify the fact that what they did to you was wrong. you should have never gone through that myungjun, it’s not your fault that you were going through it mentally, your partner should have been there to support you and understand your struggles, not cheat on you with your best friend. ugh I’m pissed for you. 

mj: I appreciate it y/n, but yeah love’s sorta a hard subject for me.

you nod in understanding

mj: well! that’s my traumatic breakup story, it’s only fair you share yours

you laugh: you’re right. Well I was dating this guy right when I entered college, met him at the freshman orientation, completely hit it off. I was so in love with him, we dated for about a year. And then last semester he broke up with me out of nowhere, said he wanted to focus on school and himself and that he needed a break from dating. I found out two days later that he started dating one of his suite mates and that on the night he broke up with me, they fucked. So love? also something hard for me.

mj: aww look at us both unable to find or relate to love because of past relationship traumas.

you hit his shoulder laughing: you’re such a headass

mj: I’m kidding! anyway, I’m sorry you went through that too y/n. it sucks and your ex is a dumbass for breaking up with you. Do you still have feelings for him? w-wait, you don’t have to answer that, was that insensitive?

you: you’re fine haha. Um...well...sometimes when I overthink things at night, I do miss him and I wonder what the hell I did wrong for it to end so abruptly because I was honestly really happy with him, but then I wake up in the morning and I hate him again. 

mj: you did nothing wrong y/n...and if you need to call me at 2 am when you’re overthinking and need some badass confidence knocked into you, I will be awake.

you smile and give him a hug: thanks myungjun...you know the same goes for you too?

mj: hm??? what do you mean??

you: you don’t always have to smile around me, especially if you don’t feel like it. Don’t repress your mental health, huh? It’s bad for the soul to bottle it in. I’m not gonna force you to share your darkest fears with me, I’m just saying that if you feel drained and wanna talk about it, I’m here to listen

myungjun pouts a little bit, he’s really touched?? it’s hard for him to share his troubles with others

like as much as he loves astro and is close to them, he doesn’t share his down sides with the boys as often as he should bc he never wants to burden them

myungjun just always thought it was easier to suppress the bad feelings and put on a happy act

but he couldn’t deny the weight lifted off his shoulders after telling you about his breakup

and maybe it was because your energies were on a different level lately, but he found it so?? easy?? to just vent to you after that

until competition, the two of you worked on faking like you were in love (basically imagining that each other was your favorite actor/actress or whatever, something like that)

it was good enough for the group to believe it lol

but what about the judges and audience hmmmmm

anyway, fast forward and it’s competition day!!

myungjun introduces you to his best friends aka the boysss aka astro

they come and support him for his competition ugh we love

you’re like smiling and hyper when you meet them

...has myungjun been rubbing off on you???

you: it’s so nice to meet you all! myungun always talks so highly of you

astro: huh?? you’re lying, myungjun hyung complimenting us???

and then they start messing and friendly bickering with each other and yes they’re teasing mj

you’re laughing bc it’s so cute?? you can see in their eyes and their smiles how much they really care about each other :’)

also astro, probably jin or eunwoo, maybe rocky: we’re sorry if m hyung has driven you to insanity these past few months of rehearsing

you just laugh as myungjun hits them: myungjun’s actually been like my partner in crime lately, so we’re all good :)

*cue the boys exchanging looks with each other*

you perform ah ha ha

alright, you were so used to thinking that myungjun was...idk kim soohyun or something bc mm chef’s kiss his acting...to get into the emotion of the song

but then during the actual performance you saw him as myungjun and like all the hard work and extra practices and late night talks came in full force and you were just...singing to him

and you notice how...handsome?? and charismatic?? myungjun really is...and the little sparkle in his eyes when he’s performing like...wow

and after your set, you’re just like shit, what the fuck was that??

your group doesn’t win though, you place second!

but you and myungjun get awarded best solo/duet of the entire competition

astro: ;)

your acapella group: ;)

the judges: ;)

alright so im a firm believer that if myungjun had feelings for someone, he would straight up tell them like balls to the wall full fucking send

after competition, the routine of school comes back. you occasionally hang out with myungjun outside of rehearsal

by occasionally, I mean once a week hangout with myungjun (and astro bc they started inviting you to their dinners)

and then one night – at midnight – he calls you like out of pocket and his tone is like completely serious

you’re a bit scared?? like: myungjun...is everything okay? did something happen?

mj: y/n...can I ask you something?

you: yeah, of course

mj: do you still think about your ex?

you: o_o um...honestly no, not really...why?

mj: well, if I’m being honest. y/n, I have feelings for you. And i’m not asking you to like me back or give me an answer straight away, but I just wanted to let you know. If you don’t think about your ex anymore, and if you think you’re ready...maybe you can consider thinking of me??

mmmmm kim myungjun you slick flirty dog grrr bark bark

and you know how he can just talk, and talk fast, so you’re still in the middle of processing this and he just goes on like

“sleep on it, y/n. I’ll see you soon for rehearsal, okay? good night”

like you don’t even have a chance to respond to him bc he just hangs up the phone

you think about it, of course you think about it, you’ve been thinking about it ever since competition

having feelings for myungjun has always been in the back of your mind since then

like did you notice that when you hung out with him, your heart would flutter if he said something sweet?? or if you two were a bit too close to each other?? 100%

but you didn’t know if either of you were ready for another relationship so it’s just been put on the back burner

at the next acapella practice, you find that your cheeks just flush whenever myungjun looks your way

the rehearsal went a bit??? weird?? like even your group noticed that there was a bit of a tension between you and myungjun

but of course, he goes up and talks to you after rehearsal ended and he’s like: hey...I’m sorry if my confession made you feel weird, I didn’t mean for that at all. If you want, we can just forget about what I said and stay friends! 

you just facepalm like: myungjun you idiot, I’m acting weird because I like you too. God, you know maybe the boys are right, maybe you need to shut your mouth for a little bit

and he whines like: hey!

but then he realizes what you said and he gives you the brightest smile: you mean it?? you like me back??

and you’re like shyly smiling now: yeah...I do...but do you want to take the next step?? I mean...do you think you’re ready for another relationship??

he gets like serious and he grabs your hand: not gonna lie, I don’t think I’ll ever be fully ready after my last one...but if there’s someone I wanna try it with, it’s you.

:’) kim !!! myung !!! jun !!!

dating myungjun?? the best thing ever

the cutest boy alive honestly

he has so much cute and goofy in him already with just friends and strangers

but with you, it’s increased tenfold

even you start to act cute and goofy after dating him

petnames?? bub and bubby

myungjun is not serious about a lot of things, but he is very serious about his feelings for you and your relationship

y’all take things at your own pace and he !! values !! consent !! even if it’s just like making out

he just doesn’t wanna mess things up with you :’)

the type of boyfriend to sing you to sleep ah !!! his voice is heaven alright

will be extra about pda in front of the guys to make them grossed out

and yes you get embarrassed, but myungjun’s too cute to scold

you get used to a lot of second-hand embarrassment dating him and being friends with the boys

but it’s just so endearing, you can’t even fight it

will swing your arms together when you’re out just walking

screams he’s so cute

you don’t really fight bc communicating with each other is one of the biggest things in your relationship

like if a disagreement or a situation comes up, you two are mature enough to talk it through and work things out bc you both already been knew what it’s like to be in a relationship that didn’t have full transparency

you do jokingly bicker about small things though (like think about how astro fights)

but he always ends fights by scooping you up in a hug and showering your face with kisses

loves kissing your nose

just imagine: you and myungjun cuddling and he just kisses your nose and you scrunch up your face and he just laughs and kisses you all over and you two end up giggling

will do anything to see a smile on your face, it’s the greatest sight to him

alright we been talking too much about how cute myungjun is

he’s also a hot motherfucker alright

the most attractive when he’s singing in your opinion

you know how charismatic he is, you’ve seen it first hand during rehearsal and performances

he’s very good at hiding his horniness, especially in public

but phew when you two are in private and myungjun’s in the mood

you can tell bc his eyes just get hazy and he immediately just starts kissing your neck

a very passionate lover, will prioritize your pleasure over his

sex with myungjun can go from being sweet and sensual, to fun and playful, to hot and exciting

by that...I mean that he is down to try every kink and position you can think of

as long as both of you are okay with it ofc

he’s one of the kinkiest members in astro im convinced

blindfolds? bondage? ice cubes? wax play?

you want it? you got it

he’s not into feet though, i apologize to my foot fetish lovers

his favorite position is actually missionary

myungjun loves being able to watch you and to see how good he’s making you feel

in missionary is when he feels the most connected to you, it’s just a passionate position

and yes he’s very vocal, so you betcha he encourages you to be vocal as well

will try to mess with you in a sense where say you two are hanging out with the guys, he’ll touch you and challenge you to not make a noise

and then he’ll snicker and wink at you if you even let out a peep

he’s a tease !!! like will edge you until you’re on the brink of cumming at least 3 times

myungjun has pretty good stroke game alright

very fluid with his hips, idk he just knows all the right spots to hit

praise...kink...that’s the tweet, need I say more

he’s into hair pulling !! both ways !! 

okay hear me out...myungjun fucking you and pulling your hair until your screaming and then after you both cum, he’s like: you hit a high f earlier bub! I almost wanted to harmonize with you but–

you: myungjun are you serious!

sex with him would always just be a fun time, like he’s hot and grrr it feels so good but there’s always a bit of laughing and joking around in the process

like he will tickle you before he puts his cock in you just to see the switch of you laughing to moaning

alright but shower sex?? he’s into that

and just the acoustics of both of your sounds in the bathroom?? it’s so filthy he loves it – and it’s easy to clean up afterwards

you bet that after any performance with your group, the two of you have sex, even if it’s just a quickie in an empty practice room or whatever

no shame, will kick the boys out or announce “we’re going to fuck bye!” if you or him get too horny in the middle of a hangout

im just gonna throw this out here...you and myungjun...mile high club

(your group competed in an acapella competition and the flight there...it just happened)

all in all, myungjun just wants to make you happy and feel good and smile, even if you two just finished an intense sex session

let’s get into the deep stuff though, you are the only person myungjun is comfortable with to not show a smile all the time

even with the boys, there’s always a small part of him that wants to just push through and be optimistic just so that they won’t worry

but with you, he knows that it’s okay to be sad and to be vulnerable :’)

when myungjun cries bc he’s upset :( fuck you cry too

he loves when you just hug him and stroke his hair when he’s stressed

very showy about your relationship, not bc he’s braggy, but bc he just wants to show the world how happy you make him and that he’s in love <3

the boys are so happy to see their eldest in love :’)

they don’t show it around each other, but they’ve come up to you in private and say sweet things like

“you make myungjun hyung so happy, he always brings joy to everyone but you bring joy to him, thank you”

im !! getting !! sentimental !!

the day you found out myungjun was in love with you was the day you met his parents

‘twas a bit spontaneous

his parents came to see one of your group performances and myungjun’s like holding your hand and leading you somewhere after you get off stage and he’s like “bub! these are my parents!”

you end up getting dinner with his family and yikes you were hella nervous, you were not expecting on meeting his parents right after your performance

not gonna lie, you thought he was leading you to the car for some post-performance sex

but they adored you, his parents could see how much you meant to their son ugh I cry

anyway, the L word

as you’re finishing dinner, myungjun’s all giddy and just like

“I’m so glad you came and watched mom and dad, the timing was perfect too! I wanted to introduce you to y/n for a while now and have you meet the person I love.”

and his parents are just smiling at you and saying how they’re so happy to finally meet you and how you have an amazing voice and to take care of myungjun and you’re !!! just !!! blushing !!!

as soon as you both got in the car after saying goodbye to his parents, he’s just like: hope I didn’t surprise you too much bubby, I didn’t know my parents were coming to watch until like an hour before we went on stage

you just give him a little smile: I was a bit caught off guard, but it’s okay. Your parents are so sweet, I see where you get it from bub.

myungjun: I can tell that they love you already! well of course not as much as I do, but with time I know they’ll come pretty close

and you’re blushing again, it’s the L word: do you mean it myungjun?

myungjun: that my parents love you?? of course–

you: no, bub...that you...love me?

myungjun: yeah...unless you don’t feel the same way–

you: myungjun! no, of course I do! I just wasn’t expecting the first time to hear it was with your parents

you two are laughing, ugh this man

after your giggles subside, he leans over from the driver’s seat and he just cups your cheek and pecks your nose: I love you y/n, thank you for reminding me what love feels like

you: I love you too myungjun

and then you two are just like sharing a sweet kiss in the parking lot of the restaurant before starting the drive back to his place

do you and myungjun make duets together for fun and post it?? yeah probably

you are the luckiest dating myungjun, the living breathing embodiment of serotonin and love

even when you two are older and out of college, he still gives you the same affection and attention and authenticity ugh he’s just amazing

im so sorry this was late but happy belated to our happy virus <3

3-12-21

[azems-familiar]

hello! are there any songs you associate with any of the kotor characters? (totally not asking bc my brain is hungry for animatic ideas haha,,)

OH BOY DO I HAVE SONGS

first things first, i will direct you to my twelve hour Revan playlist that i use for writing vibes, it's a mixture of vocal and instrumental and it has both a bunch of Revan songs for different eras of Revan, plus revalek songs, plus some revastila songs, plus some songs that just vibe.... it's good and most of the songs i'm about to highlight, if not all of them, are on there already.

NOW. HERE WE GO.

first things first, i need to introduce you to the title song for my mandalorian wars fic, oblivion by the aviators! god, this song doesn't fit all Revans perfectly, but it fits mine so well it was like it'd been written for her specifically, i swear. listening to the song was what inspired me to write the fic to begin with (and now i have a whole series oops). i mean, come on, look at the chorus:

Let the broken heroes rise Let the victors take their prize No one wins when justice dies War has let this age begin It's where we've gone and where they've been What a state that we're in Here in oblivion

can't look at that and tell me that isn't Jedi Knight Revan and the war that broke them.

next up!! liar by the arcadian wild, my beloved. this song is currently my top all time on spotify, closely followed by the song i'm going to rec after it and then achilles come down - and the fact that anything unseated achilles for the top spot should tell you something. (and if you don't know what achilles come down is look it up that one's on my playlist too.) this is a really good one for Revan's slow fall down, the corruption arc - again, all of the songs i'm mentioning really fit my own versions of the characters best, but they're just good in general. some of the lyrics i enjoy from this one:

hnext up, we have it all by pim stones. this particular one feels very revalek to me, early in the Sith years when they still maybe had good intentions, maybe after the war but before becoming Darth. there's this softer, almost desperate tone to the way the singer sings it that just hits me hard - this is the song i'm using as the title for my Sith years interlude fic! a lyric snippet:

All my life I've been heading for hell But never had I thought I'd drag you down as well I just couldn't resist what he was trying to sell

There's glory ahead but our love will be forgotten If my heart was still mine I would go to the bottom And apologise to you until the day it went rotten

next up we have the balancer's eye by lord huron, which is the song i named my series after (have you noticed a trend yet?). it's a very Revan vibe in general, and while i'm not as much of a fan of the style, the lyrics are really excellent!

Nothing's waiting for us in the great sky Life is equal to dust in the balancer's eye Now I know that I can't lift an old curse Tell me, how does a man change the universe?

Will I ever be forgiven for the crime of my life? Will it haunt me 'til I die?

mmm let's see what next. OH! go to war by nothing more. this is just straight up a Sith years song for revalek, whether you ship them or not - they were important to each other either way! ..... i am not going to tangent into yelling about revalek. that is not what this is for. anyway, the song itself is a) a banger and b) talking about love corrupting and falling apart and it just. it hits, man

Do we censor? Do we flow? Are we drunk on the chemicals? Every feeling in my bones Tells me to lash out and tell you to fuck off You've got my heart and I've got your soul But are we better off alone? With every battle we lose a little more Remember everything that we'd die for You are everything that I'd die for

oooh NEXT we have the song i was going to use for my Jaw Scene before i decided to write a full sith years fic. saints by echos is the song, and again, we've got Sith years Revan and Malak here (yes yes i have a type), the vibes of losing faith and anger and it blends really well with how Revan basically played off being a legendary figure to the Republic to fuel their war against it!

You were standing there like an angry god Counting out my sins just to cross them off Saying that my tongue was too loud to trust And that my blood couldn't keep you

My dear, you're not so innocent You're fooling Heaven's gates So you won't have to change You're no saint, you're no savior

mmmm okay the discord has informed me that ten (10) songs is the maximum i should do in one post so. i will only do four more. chrysalis - the last breath by delain is yet another Sith Revan and Malak song and honestly you can read it as a response to the song above, if you think of saints from Malak's pov and chrysalis from Revan's, they mesh really well together.

Hey, are you still mad? About the time We almost went too far I know your regrets In my defense; By now, it's just a scar That distracts you from Your broken heart Like you wanted it to do How do you feel? I don't... How do you know? You won't... To let go of you I will try Until my last breath How do you feel? I don't... How do you know? You won't... To let go I promise I will fight

next! for a complete change of pace, i have a revastila song for you - warrior by beth crowley. it somehow manages to capture exactly the dynamic i think of in my head when i think about Bastila, the uncertainty, the forbiddeness of it, but the way Revan ultimately strengthens her and she strengthens Revan

You fascinated me Cloaked in shadows and secrecy The beauty of a broken angel

I ventured carefully Afraid of what you thought I'd be But pretty soon, I was entangled

You take me by the hand I question who I am

uhhhhhh i am desperately trying to think of songs that aren't just about Revan but instead here i am with another Mandalorian Wars Revan song, what did we know by rachel rose mitchell! this song was introduced to me by the same friend who sent me oblivion, and it really captures the fall of the Mandalorian wars incredibly well imo - the way it started with righteousness but ended in pain (compassion leading to destruction and that's a ramble i'm not going on here either), and there's this line in there that i'm not including in my snippet that's what scares me more than anything / if we could choose the past / we'd probably choose the same and it's like. yes! that's it! i'm going to once again go insane over the scene in the Korriban tomb in kotor 2!!! knowing the price.... would you choose to do it all again........ aaaaaaaa

It's been so long since we began. It seems so long ago That in the name of loyalty We started on our own. Answering the call of a house we once called home, We knew that we were right. What did we know?

We swore that we understood this wasn't a game, But somehow we found ourselves fanning the flames. Those who cautioned and abandoned us, they were the same. I saw them turn away.

the final song i'm doing is the song i used when i wrote the Betrayal scene from Malak's pov, the little things give you away by linkin park. this one just. it vibes, it vibes hard, goes really into the actual grief of betrayal, and also has a super epic instrumental solo so there's that. as usual, lyric snippet:

Don't want to reach for me, do you? I mean nothing to you The little things give you away But now there will be no mistaking The levees are breaking

All you've ever wanted Was someone to truly look up to you And six feet under water, I do

All you've ever wanted Was someone to truly look up to you And six feet underground now I Now I do

god okay now that you're completely overwhelmed and never want to talk to me again....... i should've probably put this under a readmore but eh. thanks for the ask!

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

Hi could you talk more about why youd recommend not watching ww84?

Sure!

warnings for under the cut: spoilers for WW84 and a bit of the first wonder woman; i only saw WW84 once a few days ago + it’s been a hot sec since i saw the original so if i get a few details wrong i apologize

tl;dr with no spoilers: WW84 is a poorly executed movie that insults its viewer with its messy and self-proud plot, bad character/relationship portrayals, and offers a personal slap in the face to a majority of its audience in their various discriminations, generalizations, and plot points.

the first point is the racism, made well by the post i reblogged here, (edit: found a second post that goes more in depth here) so i’d just suggest looking at that for that matter

next is just How they portray wonder woman in this one

i really appreciated the way the first movie portrayed diana because they did very well in keeping true to her Amazonian raising and life while still clearly showing she was a woman

when i say this i mean that a lot of media has a tendency to either make women who are very fem and keep to traditional gender roles or women who more or less shun femininity and attempt to largely fulfill only male gender roles

diana in the original is a warrior, strong and fierce, but still a woman, not trying to shun that or anything. she wears styles that suit her while still being woman’s styles (she doesn’t force her way into a suit), she talks of and addresses her womanhood proudly and without issue, etc

i want to note here i have no issue with female characters who act extremely masc and reject femininity- i love them tbh- but it’s important to remember that it’s not inherently against womanhood or anything to be a strong fighter who doesn’t stick to every stereotypical social gender norm

and the first wonder woman movie shows this very well

WW84... oh boy

first of all, wonder woman’s changing outfits every other scene. even between scenes where it makes no sense! i’m not saying she can only wear one set of clothes but Geez this was too much

not to mention an entire scene dedicated to her helping steve pick a fashion look? i understand this was to highlight the ‘80-ness of the movie, and it would’ve been fine if it seemed diana was helping him pick a period appropriate look, but it was clear she was trying to help him pick a ‘fashionable’ look which. wonder woman? from the island without a sense of popular outfits or fashion? what?

and the amount of focus on her wearing high heels.... ugh

i’m not saying you can’t have a badass woman who also likes social gender norm fem things but it felt clear that wasn’t what they were going for

wonder woman in the first movie liked practical fashion and not only were many of her outfits not that, her high heels? one hundred percent not practical

it didn’t fit her character and felt horribly out of place, clearly just the producers / directors / whoever going ‘oh, wonder woman is a woman how can we show this? fashion! high heels!’ and i hated it

(warning: imma be jumping from thought to thought as they bump into each so uh... enjoy the train-of-thought style of flaw informing)

and starting at the beginning like.... wow that scene had no purpose

wonder woman cheats in a competition and is punished for this by losing it in the end. except. this is stupid for two reasons

as the audience is shown she didn’t cheat on purpose. she made a mistake, lost her horse, and made a strategy to get back into the race despite this. honestly? i thought the story was going to be a lesson in ingenuity in the worst looking situations. but it wasn’t, which is bad storytelling, because the lesson is then based on a point that isn’t even that true

it is literally Never important again later. unless you count what was going on with the wishstone as ‘cheating to victory’ which i dont. that’s not even what the villain did. he wanted to take over the world. there’s no victory there you get without cheating. wtf. why did that message even happen

going into the actual story we meet the cheetah pretty quick, when she’s still whatever-her-civilian-name-is

and the cheetah... she’s such a bad villain

she doesn’t have the same backstory as she does in the comics

in this one, she uses the wishstone- which is a whole ‘nother thing in and of itself- to wish to be like diana, because ig being smart as hell but social awkward as hell too is so bad you need to desperately wish to be someone else? i hate that trope, but onwards-

she gets that, but in exchange for not only diana’s likable personality she also gets her wonder woman powers (and she loses her glasses, because pretty and cool means no glasses, right? /s), she loses her kindness bc of the rules of the wishstone- in exchange for your wish, it takes smth u care about a lot from you; for her, it was her kindness

this makes her villain! just because she lost her kindness. yep. honestly not a good look regarding all those people out there who are low/no empathy and can still be wonderful nice people but i digress

at one point she complains about why she needs to keep her power rather than go back to being just Her and i fucking wanted to scream

she has like. half a dozen degrees, clearly a couple of friends even if she’s awkward, and she’s got a life that was perfectly okay before she made the wish. as someone who is also socially awkward as hell, it infuriated me to here her acting like it was the fucking end of the world she couldn’t be more extroverted or whatever. there are ways to work on that!!! the movie trying to convince the audience she had a legit reason to not un-wish her wish (for the good of the entire world) was stupid and insulting

also her transformation between ‘looks human, wearing cheetah-pattern clothing‘ to ‘humanoid with cheetah fur/skin/appearance’ literally just. happened. for no reason. that was stupid

y’know what else is stupid? the wishstone. it was clearly just a plot device, and a poorly executed one at that. it isn’t even consistent in how it works

and they did a whole side thing with like. how it had the language of the gods written on part of it and it appeared in random locations across history around the time of great tragedies and,,, that was it???

they never explored the divine connection??? who planted it or why??? how it location traveled or anything????

like i said. poor plot device

i move on now to steve

oh boy steve

he’s brought back to life by diana’s wish on the wishstone, but... it causes him to come back in someone else’s body, quantum leap style. this is. weird. and is never ever addressed by him or wonder woman except once in a throw away comment. like. diana and steve kiss and are implied to have sex while steve is in someone else’s body and neither of them seem to care. this is not good!!

and then his relationship with diana? HORRIBLE

in the first movie they were barely starting to fall in love, only barely a couple even if that. more importantly they were friends, and that night he died diana didn’t lose a potential lover so much as she lost her first non-Amazonian friend

but WW84 portrays their relationship as if they were not only already a couple, but one close enough that even after forty years since steve’s death diana is still completely and hopelessly in love with him to the point that she’s literally hanging off his arm as soon as he’s back and making love that very night

it plays again once more into the misrepresentation of wonder woman’s character (how stereotypically hollywood female to fall over herself at the sight of her love interest) and it wrecks their relationship, which had been a lovely friends-who-could-be-more

what they should’ve done was focus on that friendship, build it back up after the long gap for wonder woman, and then started to rebuild that possible romance (and tear it down at the perfect moment... right when steve had to go again... ah that would’ve been lovely)

but they wanted to go in full-haul on the romance and it just felt. wrong and weak to me. diana’s refusal to consider giving up her wish (to get her powers back and save the world) is bc she doesn’t want to let steve go again, which makes more sense in the context of a first and true friend rather than a hastily slapped together love interest

steve’s character was generally good tbh but the way he played into the story? bad

moving on... the main villain of the movie? sucks. he’s just. fucking awful

despite a motivation being given that he wants to have money, he launches into wanting to take over the world for no real reason. he takes advantage of people for this and almost destroys the world he wants to rule for it. the main reason he stops this is for his son, who up until now he largely ignored and didn’t seem to care that much for outside of basic obligations. and the movie dares try to make him sympathetic by throwing in the fact he grew up poor and was bullied and not liked which i HATE

lots of people are/have been poor. lots of people are/have been bullied (myself included). that does NOT justify them DESTROYING THE WORLD TRYING TO TAKE IT OVER. can it be used to show the audience why he does what he does? yes. but to use it and clearly try to make it a reason to hand-wave-away what he did? NO. FUCK NO

also fucking. y’know how wonder woman took down this villain? she talked to him and the world. she gave a stirring speech while she laid slumped against a wall, not injured, just too weak to beat a bit of wind. she talked and she looped her lasso around his leg so she could talk to the world to to convince them to give up their wishes

once again... the mischaracterization

in the first movie, wonder woman gives a stirring speech while fighting Areas. it’s done in her battle, beating the god of war up while reminding him of what she stood for, who she was, why she would keep fighting for a broken world

it was BEAUTIFUL. it was MEANINGFUL. it was BADASS but SINCERE

this was weak. and it clearly wanted to be more than it was

the whole movie wants to be more than it is- it wants to have an important meaningful message like the first movie, about wishes for the self and war and the world and whatever. and it wants it so badly it does it horribly

the message is ham-handed yet messy and unclear and not right. it doesn’t make sense, and it feels poorly plotted. the movie thinks it’s more than it is and that makes it very hard to watch

and to finish my rant off... WW84 lied to its audience

did you see any ads for WW84? i did. they were bright, vibrant, funky music, stunning moments, action and intrigue. i was thrilled for a movie like it

the actual movie isn’t that

it’s not nearly as action filled, it’s not as ‘80s-focused as it leads you to believe, some of the most prominently featured moments barely matter

the lightning swing? pointless, as at that point in the movie wonder woman’s learned how to fly and does it for no reason but the trailers

and that cool suit? introduced in a random myth for no reason halfway through the movie, brought in at random with no explanation, only there for show and the trailers

WW84 is not the movie is lead people to believe it was, and the movie it is is poorly executed and insulting to a variety of peopler/minorities

if you’re gonna watch it, pirate it. i can give you a link. just don’t give dc your money or your legit views for it

[jonroxton]

can you talk about chlark beyond chloe? personally i think it's weird that the writers kept adding kisses and weird romantic moments without any pay off. i don't know much about the fandom back then but i think the writers were baiting fans since clark/chloe seems to be the second most popular ship after clex. second i personally think chloe would never be happy with clark or anyone tbh and she doesn't seem like the type of person who would have kids so the finale was weird to me.

this got looooong :)

0. it WAS weird, and the choice to never not once go for it with them was to the story's detriment. I'll get into it a little later on in this post.

Re: shipping in sv fandom. there was definitely drama (clana was HUGE when the show was airing and every ship was basically derailed by it lol) but I stayed in my clois lane with a small circle of fandom friends much like I do now. a good measure of clois fans were fans of lois and clark from other mediums, come to sv just for lois and clark, myself included. we were pretty insulated as a fandom even back then. I do remember seeing more Chlark after the S5 finale (when Chloe kisses him goodbye), but those dropped off after Jimmy was introduced right away in S6. The most drama I encountered was with Chloisers: Chloe fans who believed wholeheartedly that Chloe was Lois. They hated SV!Lois and were convinced she would die so Chloe could take her name and job and place by Clark's side, thus a Chlark endgame. this was a popular theory amongst that fandom even into s9, when the clois ball started to roll for true.

bait and switch

a lot of Chlark is rooted in this notion that chloe WOULD be the best thing for Clark, the ideal Lois, the true best friend, the human hand guiding him through Earth's troubles. she would be could be the BEST possible lois archetype for Clark. it's not a wrong interpretation. she was specifically written as a lois-and-lana-proxy (teenage lana is a reporter in some AUs and even some as an adult as a tv correspondent) and she's given many lois-ish traits (tenacious, secretly crushing on clark and in denial), but this interpretation is deeply flawed. first, because lois does eventually enter into the picture and she has her own defining traits that, when compared to chloe, make chloe seem much shallower than realized. secondly, within the complete context of the story, her position in the greater narrative is not as ~the one who got away, the way it did very early on in S1-S4, but one who clark tolerates.

they're friends because clark is forgiving and chloe has staying power. their friendship is riddled with insecurities and unknowns the characters create for themselves. their dynamic is defined by conflict, not resolutions. this is not made easy by the fact that chloe is such a strangely written character, but ultimately she is positioned as a counter to clark achieving his happiness. not a thematic narrative foil but an obstacle clark eventually relents to.

2. and it has been so from the get-go

S1 is the best season for them and the single season which actually considers Clark's side in this dynamic. everything about them later on can be explained with how they are in this season. and that's the problem. when they're 14 it's nice teen angst drama and works perfectly to establish the dynamic. when they're 24 it's at best a pattern, at worst regression. we expect certain behaviors, dismiss them too, when it's children, at least I do. clark and chloe never move beyond the dynamic they establish in s1 and early s2. in essence, clark and chloe remain children around each other. they have many discussions in the later seasons that make at least one appear petulant.

so S1 clark has just been told the greatest secret of his existence and he imprints on lana hard that same night (right AFTER jonathan tells him, he meets lana at the graveyard and talks to her for the first time EVER, a lot of childhood imprinting going on in SV). all of s1 follows clark's heartache over lana, watching her from afar and figuring out a way to be near her. this pain is exacerbated by the fact that he believes he caused her her greatest grief: the death of her parents via the meteor shower which he arrived in.

here the first beat of the chlark dynamic is established: chloe's job and passion – the wall of weird and her pursuing the meteor infected oddities of SV - directly affects clark in a negative way (he's suicidal for much of s1-s3). so her crush on him is countered with her unknowingly causing him great grief. om top of that: clark becomes part of this passion of hers and she eventually begins to pursue him as a story to be uncovered, very superman yes. here tho, it causes nothing but strife for them and paints chloe in an awful light (and clark too, highlighting his refusal to open up). I personally enjoy this aspect of them in s1. bc they're so young I give em a free pass and it's a good conflict playing around with old superman tropes, but it makes for a fraught friendship.

3. the second beat

is that neither chloe's crush on clark, nor his asking her to stop pursuing his truth, do anything to stay her. her tenaciousness becomes intrusiveness and inconsideration (many of her accomplishments irt the daily planet are directly bc she betrays clark). she simply will not listen to her friend and does not believe his livelihood and autonomy is worth losing a story over. this is literally the opposite of comics/live action lois lane, who in various versions drops the clark reveal story to protect him. this passion turns vindictive pretty early for chloe, who eventually pursues stories about clark out of jealousy and entitlement (against lana also).

4. the third beat

is that clark doesn't ever see chloe as romantic prospect except this time in s1. the tornado trapping lana pulls him away from any solidifying of the clark/chloe dynamic, and that's that. but we know clark was willing to go for it in early s2 when he apologizes to chloe about running off on her. it's chloe who decides not to go on with the relationship. clark is visibly confused, but also 15 so he can't see that chloe is putting on a brave front to protect herself from clark running off again. I liked this too as it's another play on superman tropes, but my sympathy for them stops here.

5. and stays here

these beats are the entirety of this dynamic. everything about chlark can be distilled down to their childhood. it's why I don't hate them completely, bc I have a lot of love for kids who hurt in such a way and that time is never easy. in s8 (I think its s8) when we get a flashback to when they meet as kids (more imprinting!). little tenacious cute chloe kisses insecure clark bc of the funny awkward tension, acknowledging it, and then immediately takes it back because they're better as friends. (also they’re like 11 lol)

every single romantic moment with them is undercut either by chloe herself, or by the presence of other storylines/romances the writers wanted to pursue. the lack of integrity in chloe and the lack of interest in clark, regardless of how sincere their connection or how messed up, is a central part of their dynamic that needs to be reconciled with their friendship. and its exhausting bc there is never a point they are ever truly comfortable around each other.

6. to a fault

knowing the secret doesn't change chloe's methods. it doesn't make chloe clark's great confidante. if anything, it complicates matters for both because their relationship then becomes about the greater good and clark's great destiny. everything chloe does becomes about that, which in theory sounds awesome, but is executed much the same way as s1!chlark: by reiterating behaviors that highlight the negative aspects of that loyalty and the negative aspects of their characters.

the single time they do actively examine what this loyalty means and how chloe's hero complex complicates things for chlark is with s8 and davis. she protects davis with the skills of subterfuge and secrecy she developed as clark's friend. and it costs her jimmy and a lot of her personal integrity as a character. tho ironically it makes chloe the strongest she's been as a character. this is the first time clark is forced to view chloe as an enemy and he never quite recovers from discovering the dark depths she’s willing to go to. 

it's an arc dealing with the established beats: how far chloe is willing to go for a kryptonian (very far), how much she's willing to do for him (A LOT and all of it illegal), and what it costs her (jimmy). it deals with her jealousy (always second choice) and her motivations (uncovering the truth). this great want that she struggled with for years is turned on its head and examined, revealing just how weird and dark her hero complex is because obviously davis is not clark. davis/chloe served to highlight more than any other arc how it's really too bad that clark never saw her that way, because she has so much love to give and when channeled, it's a great force. only it's a great force for evil. clark has to confront that it’s not just lex but his other closest friend who is willing to go so far. they backtrack hard in s9 and s10 but they keep this underlying wariness in clark towards Chloe throughout. it’s not anything new, but it’s no longer subtext that clark doesn’t fully trust chloe.

7. And that's the rub

in the end. chloe and clark have many storylines they're in together and chloe's important.... to develop clark and as a counter to clark. clark never instigates anything, not once, for 9 years! when the show did give us Moments TM, clark is reacting, not actively making choices to connect to her. if anything, clark is incredibly awkward about chloe when they become intimate. he doesn't seem to know what to do with her crushing on him (the elevator scene is a great one to show just how awkward chloe makes him feel). more than that. clark never tells her his secret. and later on, chloe doesn't tell him half the crazy wild shit she does to protect him bc she knows he would disapprove. I still hold that the only reason they work is bc clark is a forgiving character and would give her chance after chance after chance. that's the watsonian explanation, but the doylist explanation is that the writers just never cared to explore them beyond this point.

8. and what was beyond that point?

they would've been a great counter to lexana in S6 and early clana (clark finally having a gf who knows). it’s playing the clark/Chloe as a straight lois/clark proxy before actually pursuing lois and clark. it could’ve been the precursor to davis and caused an even more personal conflict! the kiss at the end of s5 was their chance. they could've written chlark devolving much the same way lexana did in s6 (or not). but again. the writers never went that far and clearly never wanted to. it kept chlark forever in this stage of childhood friendship always on the brink of collapsing, tittering either way. it's also tough to speculate bc clark's just not into her. in fact he becomes more and more wary of her, to the point where he believes she can do horrible things, and he's right. the stories continually make their methods complete opposite.

they go out of their way to show chloe realizing how happy clark is with lois. and even play a joke on the fandom by literally turning her into lois and seeing the sparks between her friends. it's almost... cruel but it does serve to show how clark is when he's smitten and he's never looked at chloe that way except during the dance when they were kids. other unrequited dynamics have at least some spark from the desired, but nil from clark. clark is into chloe in late s1, but she shuts him down, and when he seems to be into her again (damn that s5 kiss was a good one lol), she shuts him down again. it's just a weird writing choice all around, and that they kept nuggets of it throughout the show is the thing I cringe at most whenever I rewatch.

9. bait and switch 2

with hindsight it is definitely ship baiting and that sucks for that dynamic bc without it their friendship would’ve been the stronger, or at least not full of so much negativity. all it did was remind everyone that chloe’s been duped since she was a kid and that clark is both stupid and strange for never noticing and letting her get away with shit just bc she’s the most loyal. I don’t ship them and even I get frustrated lol

[abreathsecho]

Loki, BioShock, and 8 Years

Wow, goodness. What a morning I've had. What a rollercoaster of journey I've just gone through to get to- Well, you'll see.

I don't normally make posts (normally bc I don't have anything to say) but this is too good to pass on. Tagging @helshades bc this directly involves you and I don't necessarily know if Tumblr will catch it way further down in the post so tagging you now. Also, you all will have to bear with me and my long rambling post. I was not lying when I said it was a journey of a morning.

To set the stage, this morning... did not start off pleasantly, I'll be honest. Period cramps and the limbo feeling of wanting to be awake but wanting to desperately lie down and curl up was the beginning of this day. But stay up I did. Thankfully.

To cheer myself I weirdly and randomly decided to listen to some of Postmodern Jukebox. (Yes, this important.) And bc of their usual old-timey sound they go for, my brain connected old-timey music to other old-timey music/vibes I'm familiar with.

Enter BioShock. I've personally started working on an old Minecraft project that's for a friend. A BioShock (Infinite/Burial At Sea) puzzle map with a story. So I started listening to more and more. Which led me to switching from PMJ to Robyn Adele Anderson (who used to work with PMJ until after her break up with the founder and then started her own YouTube and retro-fitting music cover career) and hearing her cover of Honeysuckle Rose.

Which, if there's anything that I love, it's a good romance song. To add to my romantic f/o (aka: comfort character ) playlist. Who's my romantic f/o? Who else other than the one and only MCU trickster?

The only character I have loved and attached myself to so dearly for many, many a year. All since Thor 1. (Okay, timing with this one is a little wonky, so quick explanation here. It's actually when Avengers 1 came out but I watched Captain America and then Thor 1 at home the weekend the Avengers 1 movie came out. And then saw the latter movie soon after. Pls dont revoke my Loki fan-card. I swear, I've been there since basically the beginning.🤣)

Something that's also important to know about me is that currently... I have a problem. An AU-making problem. 😅😅😅

First, Wandavision with Loki and my self-insert. Lately, it's cowboys and the Old West with Loki and my self-insert. (Two different versions, I might add to highlight my clear AU-making addiction.) Today it's a BioShock-esque story. With Loki and, you guessed it, my self-insert character.

And what is a BioShock story without it's breathtaking, awe-inspiring city? And what is Loki without his home of Asgard? To combine the two and make it work, I need to know what architecture the MCU Asgard(s) are based on/inspired by.

A quick google search of "mcu asgard architecure inspired by" brings up two different Helshades posts. Ah, yes! Helshades! I remember them!

When it comes to MCU Asgard world-building stuff, I know only two blogs to go to from years and years ago when I first discovered them. That is, I know they exist. I usually forget the usernames lol. Sorry, Helshades. It's been a long while. (The other blog is exploringmcuasgard fyi. I have their blog pulled up and will comb through it in a minute once I'm done with this post and finished combing Helshades' Asgard architecture tag.)

So, as mentioned already, I start chronologically from the beginning of Helshades' Asgard architecture tag, going through and scanning the paragraphs of each post's texts looking for names of architecture movements.

I've found one btw! Through all the Thor 1 architecture posts is the name Deconstructivism! Successful so far!

But there was more than one Thor movie, if you remember. And more than one version/interpretation of the city of Asgard.

So onto posts about the Asgard seen in the Thor 2 trailer! The first one is fine and good. The second one...

starts with a note. A dedication to a 400th follower. Oh nice. A 400th follower with the name-

Wait.

No.

ExCUSE YOU???

IM SORRY- WHAT???!!??

For those who don't know, a very long time ago I used to have the username, Egoimperiiruina. (A username I have somewhat recently reclaimed after someone else took it and now hold as a subblog to do... something with it in the future.😉)

And back then (as I mentioned earlier) I loved Loki and Asgard and the whole "Thor" side of the MCU franchise. (Which... honestly, and, very sadly, cannot be said now. *le deep fucking sigh in utter disappointment and disgust towards current MCU and Taika Waititi/Mike Waldron*

And this shows clearly here in this note where I apparently was on a Helshades post spree for costume designs. (This may have been for a fic I started and never continued (for awhile! I'll eventually get to it!) a long time ago with the temp name Asgardian Dreams, looking over Asgardian costumes references to get an idea for Vanir fashion that could look similar to Asgardian/Loki. Surprisingly, enough, not for a self-insert. Well, kinda. lmao)

But you might be wondering, this is a great find and what not, but you didn't see this before? Nope. Not once. Weird too because I have in the past occasionally looked to see all the posts that mentioned me via my old username and current one.

But the best part? Honestly, what makes it for me now, is that not only does Helshades say that I, and, I quote, "should welcome an architecture-oriented entry [of theirs] with a similar enthusiasm"- Which, yes. Very much the same amount of enthusiasm, still going strong after all these years. Especially after all the ridiculous nonsense given to us old Loki fans from Ragnarok to his quote-unquote namesake show (can't convince me that's even close to the same Loki I've known all this time nope!).

It's that this post is 8 friggin years old *and* they said the above.

You know what, Helshades? You were right.

I'm happy I found you too.